#I meant to write that I could believe it becausenif I fell in love with someone when I was 15 I simply wouldnt tell the person

[hopeheartfilia]

Honestly? I Can.

Like. If I fell in love with someone at 15 I simply would not tell them, the thing here thats most at play is actually the constant struggle between Wei Wuxian's hubris and low self esteem, and how the image that comes from that plays with Lan Wanji and his lack of experience and expertise in social interactions and relations

So we have Wwx "Yes he seems to hate me, but he tolerates my presence and I am shameless enough to talk to him anyway" and Lwj "The only other person I regularly interact with is Xichen, so obviously Wwx is talking to me because he understands my way of expression and that I dont actually mind his company"

But then Burial mounds happen

So it turns into Wei Yings currently fragile mental state, like our boy is One step away from a mental breakdown, and on one hand that comes in the form of All emotions are now anger and derision. Yes I grew up under Madame Yus constant critisism and it shows. I feel weak and endangered and so Im going to snap and say the most hurtfull things i can. I cnat teaste Lan Zhan anymore because hes smart and might figuire it out, so Ill avoid him. Wait hes trying to tlak to Me now? Why when he has never wanted to interact with me before? Is this cinfusion? It manifests as anger. He is so righteous and pure and I feel so dirty and disgusting, time to project and think that hell find me disgusting too. Oh no the thought makes me feel even worse, time to act angrier and pricklier becaus eno one can see how that hurts me

And Lan Zhan is like.... So no friends? Like honestly I dont really have much to say about it its kinda obvious on his face. Hes going like Come back. home with me, expecting Wei Ying to get it because he has always understood him before and then when being refused he gets not only his idea reject but his feelings, and feels hurt so instead of trying to think and act rationally, to try and understand Wei Wuxian, he gets frostier and colder and he still wants to protect Wwx but hes blinded to the full picture and doesnt really... Instead of being coaxed into more open communication, as Wei Ying is often known to do, instead of being slowly warmed by the suns rays, hes slapped with a blizard and retreats even further into his cold exterior, as their conversations turns frosty and from a talk between people who care deeply for eachother but have a barrier it turns into a yelling match between people who have their chackles raised so high and all of their walls up and equiped with spikes

And it wouldve been so easy, if their coping mrchanisms were even remotely simular. Becuase ultimetly the thing is they dont get it. Not that getting it means you automatically fix it...Look at Jiang Chneg hoenstly. He absolutely could see the coping mechanisms Wei Wuxian is using for what they were! But the thing is Wwx didnt really go thr Madame Yu route with his siblings. He just went and tried for something a bit more personal on one hand, and on the other based more on Jiang Fengiman. Which is partly why the Yunmeng brothers fail so muchbat keeping their connection as strong back then. Jiang Cheng is trying to yell at him and confront him, and Wei Wuxian is refusing to talk, to yell back and answer, he tries to sweep it under the rug and ignore it, because he deems it unimportant. And he continues to do that even after hsi resurection! He ignores it, just like Jiang Fengiman ignored all of those rumours and his wifes concerns. And shijie primarily uses that method of coping as well, which is partly why she deals with the situation the best. Because it is visible that Wwx isnt ready to talk about it, that asking only makes him close up and doesnt get you anywhere, so she doesnt try to pry information, to demand reasoning, but instead offers support

And i still think that there wouldnt have been anything that wouldve changed things after the sunshot campaing that Wanji couldve done but follow "Come back to Gusu with me" with "Then Ill come to Yunmeng with you"

Which, I know many reasons why he didnt say that, partly becaus ehe probably didnt even think about it. I mean, he is the second young master of Gusu Lan, his sect is rebuilding he is need by his clan and family, hwo could he go to another sect? And the worst part is that, without knowing about anything, the golden core, the time at the burial mounds. Honestly in reality one of the worst parts is that Lan Zhan had so much of the information he needed. Because all of those things that are true for Lan Zhan are also true for Wei Ying, and often even more. Because he may not be blood related but he is just as much hsi brother, and the Yunmeng Jiang sect was hit even harder them Gusu, as they lost most of theid disciples as well as Lotus Pier being burned. And Lan Zhan does know the state of Lotus pier and thta Wei Wuxian is head disciple, and that his brother just became sect leader and theyre rebuilding. Wei Wuxian isnt against it because of that, but it does pu in perspectivr how much of an emotional and not trought out at all reaction "come back to gusu with me" is. Because Lan Wanji is asking him to just leave his sect in a hard time without offering any further explanation, which is why Jiang Cheng is so pissed about it

And Lan Zhan also Knows that Wei Ying has never had trouble in class and is well aquainted with the material, he shouldnt have any trouble realising that Wei ying Knows of the dangers of demonic cultivation, but he just asusmes hes ignoring them out of displaced confidence and Wei Ying doesnt really do shit to refute that in any way, because he is unwilling to share his reasons

.. honestly this got so far out of hand. I was having online class in russian and I dont really like russian so I just got carried away writhing unessesary and unasked for meta, in a very unstructured way, without editing anything, and Im not sure if I should even lsot but hey Im doing it anyway

you know i really can’t believe wangxian took like 20 years to get together even though they were both in love with each other the entire goddamn time just because both of them SOMEHOW thought the respective other HATED THEM.

for 20 YEARS