#this could also be a different kind of manipulation tactic but idk what for

[fleurdov]

this update actually broke me how am i supposed to function and act normal when i’m actually only thinking about the horrors of The Answer.

i really really loved this chapter though thank you so much for updating!!!! and now i will scream into the white void!!

THE ANSWER: XXVI

Kim Hongjoong doesn’t like the word ‘cult.’ He prefers ‘sect.’ pairing: ateez x fem reader genre: cult au, thriller, angst check warnings on AO3

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chapter word count: 10,791

“What the hell did you say to Hongjoong?” 

Seonghwa is quick to start grilling you as soon as San leaves the two of you alone, glaring at you across from the dinner table. It takes you a few seconds to even remember what he could be referring to, that conversation with Hongjoong taking the back seat in your mind to everything else that had happened today. 

You set your spoon down, resting your elbows on the table, “I could be asking you the same question.” 

Seonghwa scoffs, mirroring your actions. He leans over the table, though, getting closer to you, “Well I asked first.” 

Frowning, you look him up and down, trying to make him squirm a little bit. Unfortunately for you, he doesn’t seem to find you very intimidating. In fact, he only leans closer to you, his face basically taking up your entire field of view. “What did Hongjoong say that I said?” 

Seonghwa’s eyes flit to your lips, but you pretend like you don’t notice. “He said that you told him we had sex. Among other things.” 

“I said no such thing,” you glare back at him, “I only heavily implied it.” 

“Why?” Seonghwa wets his lips, “do you want to get me in trouble, Princess?” 

You don’t want to be the one to back down from this confrontation, but being this close to Seonghwa without him touching you might actually make you insane. His stupid fucking hot ass fucking face. It’s too distracting. 

But… you’re more stubborn than you are uncomfortable. “Only if you want to get me in trouble.” He smiles a bit at that, but you continue, “if you must know, though, I had to use you as a bit of a scapegoat. I figured you wouldn’t mind, considering the lies you’re telling him about San and me.” 

“Lies?” Seonghwa says sarcastically, “what ever would I lie about?” The question is clearly rhetorical.

But you answer it anyway. “You told him that San and I are together.” 

Seonghwa’s smile grows, “and is that a lie? Aren’t you?” 

“Frankly, it’s not Hongjoong’s business, and it’s not yours, either.”

He brings a hand up to rest under his chin, shrugging his free shoulder. “Difference of opinion. Why should I lie to Hongjoong for you?” 

“Well, San and I aren’t together,” you shrug as well, hoping he’s not picking up on the fact that you’re lying through your teeth. It’s actually a bit… uncomfortable to lie about it like this. You don’t want to have to deny… whatever it is that you have going on with San, but that’s just how it is. You suck it up and hope that Seonghwa can’t see your internal battle as you spit the words out.

Seonghwa bites his lip, “is that so? So he wouldn’t mind if I…” 

You do lean back, then, smacking his elbow out from under him so that his head falls, hopefully shocking him back into reality. “You wish, pervert.” 

He catches his head before he actually hits it on the table, gaping at you, his eyes wide as if he can’t believe that you really just did that. Honestly, you’re kind of surprised that you did it, too. Seonghwa is so fucking tempting. But you’re stronger than that…

“Plus, what would he think,” you tip your head in Hongjoong’s direction, not surprised to see him already staring directly at the two of you. He had been congregating with some of the Followers, but his attention is now clearly occupied, a sneer appearing on his face when he catches you looking. “He already thinks we had sex, no?” 

Seonghwa looks back over his shoulder to glance at Hongjoong, quickly spinning back to face you when he sees the look on his leader’s face. “Yeah, thanks for that, by the way. I had the time of my life trying to explain that I had absolutely no idea what you were talking about.” 

You shrug, “I needed some way to get his mind off of the fact that someone told me about Haneul. It worked.” 

His eyes really go wide, then, “Haneul? Who the fuck told you about Haneul?” 

“You did.” You smile, finally picking your spoon back up to eat some more of your soup. This is a damn good soup, you have to remember to compliment Wooyoung on it… if you guys are on speaking terms. You’re not sure about that. 

Seonghwa groans, also resuming eating his dinner. “I’m going to get my ass handed to me, Princess. Why wouldn’t you just tell him the truth?” He pauses, dropping his spoon back into his soup, “ wait, let me guess. San told you?” 

You shake your head, taking another bite, ignoring his eyes.

“Who else have you been alone with?” 

You shrug again, just to piss him off. 

It doesn’t work. “When San attempted to help Haseul with the escapade last night, did he have someone watch you?” Seonghwa smiles in disbelief. “He really covered his bases. Who was it?” He searches your face as if the answer will be plastered on it. 

It might be, frankly. “It had to have been Wooyoung. Am I right, Princess? Wooyoung watched you? And told you? How on earth did you get that out of him?” 

Staying silent, you opt to keep eating your soup. Wooyoung is the obvious choice, looking at the people that San is close enough to trust with such a secret, so it makes sense that Seonghwa would be able to guess him so easily. But you’re not about to tell Seonghwa that he’s right, so you do your best to keep your face plain. 

“Oh, this is quite fun information. What else did he tell you? Did you see his back?” 

That must be what Wooyoung had been referring to, where his scars are. But, again, you’re not going to ask questions or make Seonghwa believe that he’s right. The last thing that you want to do is throw Wooyoung under the bus for spilling cult secrets that he clearly shouldn’t have. 

Seonghwa leans closer again, whispering, “if I promise to not tell Hongjoong, will you tell me? I’m very curious.” 

You also lean in closer, putting your spoon down once more, “absolutely not. But will you tell me about Haneul?” 

He rolls his eyes, leaning back into his original position. “No, I won’t. She’s quite a sore subject around here.” 

… Yeah, you could’ve guessed that. “Can you at least tell me about Jongho and her?” 

“No?” Seonghwa looks at you like you’ve really lost your mind, “that’s not your business, Princess.” 

“Oh, so their relationship isn’t my business, but my relationship with San is yours?” 

“So you admit to having a relationship with San, then?” Seonghwa smirks, pleased to have finally gotten something out of you.

You sigh, “if you’re jealous, you can just say so.” 

He scoffs, crossing his arms over his chest, “why on earth would I be jealous of Choi San? If I wanted you so badly, you would be with me.”

You try to make yourself look disgusted at the mere prospect, “that’s bold, even for you.” You say this like the two of you had never been intimate. 

Seonghwa shrugs, looking you up and down before leaning closer once more. “If anything, I’m jealous of his ability to disregard Hongjoong’s orders.” The meaning of this admission isn’t lost on you.

You can’t resist returning the look, letting your eyes linger on the way the sleeves of his shirt strain around his biceps. Personally, you don’t give a damn about Hongjoong’s “orders,” but you’re not about to let Seonghwa win this by giving into him. And you have San to worry about. You lean in closer as well, smiling at Seonghwa. 

“You’re a pervert,” you whisper, keeping the smile plastered on your face. 

Seonghwa smiles, too, despite scoffing at your comment, “that’s really cute, coming from you, Princess.” 

“What is?” San’s voice appears from your side, making the both of you jump backward from each other. 

Seonghwa keeps the nasty smile on his face, looking up at San, “perfect timing, San. If you’d left her alone with me any longer…”

San gives you a puzzled look, sliding onto the seat next to you. He doesn’t get himself a meal, which is… a little strange, but you ignore it, going back to eating your own. 

He ignores Seonghwa’s comment easily. “I couldn’t miss the announcement, could I?” San asks Seonghwa, smiling tightly across the table. 

“Announcement?” You ask, looking between the two of them.

Seonghwa holds a hand up before San can start explaining. “You’ll see, Princess.” He smiles at you like you’re not going to like this announcement at all. “But, San, pray tell, where did you just run off to?” 

San gives you a sideways glance, and you can only imagine that he probably was doing something that you wouldn’t exactly care for. “I had a conversation that needed to be held, privately.” 

Seonghwa raises his eyebrows, “is that so? What ever about? Whomever with?” He asks these questions as if he knows perfectly well their answers, but wants to hear San admit it anyhow. “Why couldn’t your dear (Y/n) be in attendance?” 

You honestly aren’t really sure what San means, but the only explanation that you can think is… he apologized to Mingi? That would honestly make you rather happy, though, so you’re not sure why he wouldn’t want to say it in front of you. Maybe Seonghwa truly doesn’t know, and he wants to keep it that way? You’re honestly not too bothered by the fact that he doesn’t want to say. 

Before San can respond, the cafeteria falls completely silent. 

You twist in your seat to face the front of the room, not at all surprised to see Hongjoong standing there, his hands folded behind his back. He still has that weird outfit on, the ties of the robe dangling down, brushing against his knees with each small movement he makes. 

He looks to you, then, giving you a sideways smile before turning back to address the room. 

“It is with great joy that I make this announcement tonight.” The cafeteria is just as silent as the chapel. You look around, not at all surprised to see that not a single pair of eyes aren’t on Hongjoong. “Finally, we are prepared to start our harvest season.” 

A gentle applause starts, much like the kind you would expect at some sort of… gala, or something. Hongjoong holds a hand up and it immediately halts, everyone in the room once again waiting with baited breath. “Of course, this indicates the start of prosperous times for our group,” he gives you another glance, “but it also invites upon us some of the most troublesome ceremonies and events, as well as opening the door to… unwelcome possibilities.” 

… Yeah, whatever the hell that means. 

“As harvest will commence in the morning, our first event will happen during our morning gathering. I expect everyone to be in attendance, including children and those otherwise excused. It’s important that we are united as a group, as you all very well know.”

Everyone? Does that include Haseul? Surely it does, even if she hasn’t had a Choosing Ceremony. You want to believe that you’ll get to see your friend, but… You’re not sure. Hongjoong probably will keep her from you as long as he can; keep you on his little leash until he’s decided that you’re obedient enough again.

He waits, holding the attention of the room for a second longer, a tense look on his face. “You all must know that I don’t say these things to scare you. But the harvest season is trying for the Sign, and our connection is in peril every second that…” Hongjoong clears his throat around the words. “That we leave it unguarded. Those participating in the morning ceremony will be notified tonight.” 

With that, he turns away from the center of the cafeteria, eyes locking onto your table. Conversation picks back up as he strides toward the three of you, a smile replacing the tenseness. 

“Let me guess,” you say to neither Seonghwa nor San in particular, “I’m about to be notified of something?” 

Seonghwa smirks, “you can be so bright sometimes.” 

“(Y/n)!” Hongjoong calls your name when he’s a few feet away, closing the distance enough to rest a hand on your shoulder before asking, “Are you excited for your first harvest?” 

You blink up at him, amazed that he still even bothers, “you just made it sound like something to be weary of, rather than excited for.” 

He shrugs, squeezing your shoulder once before releasing you to sit next to Seonghwa. “We haven’t covered the Guardians yet.” 

“The what now?” 

Hongjoong waves his hand in the air to dismiss your question, “you’ll learn in due time.”

For a second, you think that Seonghwa even rolls his eyes, but that would be truly unfathomable. You’re happy enough to write off whatever the fuck the ‘Guardians’ are. The last thing you want right now is another lesson in cult lore.

“Anyhow,” he clasps his hands, resting them on the table. “You’ll be participating in the ceremony tomorrow. Its a fun one, too.” 

You look at San, though he’s looking anywhere but at you. Turning back to Hongjoong, you ask, “do I get to know what this ceremony entails ahead of time, or are you going to surprise stab me again?” You’re honestly surprised by how bold you feel, given everything that’s happened. Maybe seeing him cry reduces him a little bit… no, that’s not it. Whatever it was, you’re just not feeling particularly intimidated by Hongjoong at the moment, surprisingly.

Hongjoong waves a hand in the air, “there’s no need to be so dramatic, (Y/n).”

Honestly, you still think it was a fair question. But you feel lucky that he’s clearly in the bantering mood as well.

“You’ve already been Chosen; you won’t have to prove yourself again,” San offers, albeit rather quietly and more so to himself than to you. 

“I feel that its best that you’re prepared for the ceremony,” Hongjoong ignores San’s comment, “Seonghwa can cover it with you.” 

Seonghwa jerks his head toward his leader. “I can? I thought I wa—”

Hongjoong smiles, stopping Seonghwa in his tracks. “You’ll do as I say.”

He only nods in response, turning away from Hongjoong. To your relief, he doesn’t lay a glare on you once more, returning to his meal instead. 

“San, let’s talk privately for a moment,” Hongjoong rises, beckoning San to follow him. San furrows his brows, but stands anyway, following Hongjoong until they’re out of earshot from your table.

You turn your attention back to Seonghwa. “Let me hear it.” 

He drops his spoon again, looking annoyed at the prospect of having to spend anymore time with you. “I need a copy of The Answer to properly explain it.” 

“You’re telling me you don’t keep one on yourself at all times?” 

Seonghwa blinks at you. Leaning back, he unbuttons his jacket, reaching a hand to the inside pocket. Low and behold, he pulls a copy of The Answer from the interior pocket, gently placing it onto the table between you two. 

You had been half joking. 

He buttons his jacket again, sliding his tray away from himself. Wordlessly, he picks up the book, flipping to the back pages before landing on whatever page he was searching for. He turns his wrist, showing you the page.

Highlighted in yellow and underlined maybe five times is the title:

HARVEST PRACTICES

The chapter that follows is broken into a few different sections, from what you can see on the pages in view. The first subtitle reads:

INVOCATION AND PROTECTION

“Your hand is shaking too much for me to read that,” you complain, grabbing the book from Seonghwa’s hands. You slide your own tray away, setting the book on the table to read. 

The text continues.

Perhaps one of the most strenuous times a year comes during harvest season. Though the crop can be bountiful and the blessings many, there are also dangers that follow. This implicates the necessity to instate a protective guard around our group; a ward to protect ourselves so as to protect our Clones. 

On the first day of the harvest, the following ceremony must be conducted to insure safety throughout the season. The steps are outlined here; however HONGJOONG may adapt these provisions as he sees fit per the requirements of the year. 

Typical ceremony regalia should be worn by all Followers. Ten Followers are chosen at random to participate in the ceremony.

Participation is mandatory once selected; certain Followers may be required to participate every year due to their given role in Universe One. 

At 6 A.M. The ceremony begins. The ten Followers link hands in a circle.

They recite the following incantation, taking three steps to the left following each break.

On this day we make our vow.

The Answer is near; we shall not wonder or fear.

I myself am mighty and true. My blood will protect and provide anew

The barrier is weak.

United, we cast away the evil that would do us harm. We uninvite the spirits that dance between this Universe and the next.

Following the incantation, each member shall raise their hands. The ceremonial blade is presented, and each Follower shall gently open their left palm, letting the blood drop into the center of the circle while reciting:

I offer this vessel of myself for the betterment of the community. My blood banishes the evil from them, and calls it toward me. I swear this today and everyday.

At the completion of each vow, the final words will be said:

We call upon you to stay away.

The Sacrifice will then be presented. It is to be left on the altar for one day.

This is the conclusion of the ceremony.

This ceremony is not infallible. Should trouble arise before, during, or after, HONGJOONG and designated Followers will resolve the issue. 

You stop reading, looking up at Seonghwa. “Sacrifice?”

He nods. 

“That’s, like, pretty cliche,” you frown, “and that rhyme sucks.” 

“Be more respectful.” Seonghwa mirrors your frown, “Hongjoong isn’t a poet, he’s a prophet.” 

“Really? I thought he was God?” 

Seonghwa only gives you a more exasperated look, rolling his eyes.

You scan over the ceremony again, trying to make sure you’re getting the details correct. “What’s this about ‘calling the evil towards me?’ And the blood? Is that really necessary?” 

He glances over your shoulder, a relieved expression gracing his features, “San, you have a knack for perfect timing today.”

You turn to look back and, sure enough, San is approaching your table again. 

San looks between you, Seonghwa, and the copy of The Answer in your hands, putting the pieces together. “Questions?” 

“A few,” you mutter, suddenly not very interested. You don’t mind pestering Seonghwa for answers to all of your questions, but you aren’t keen on asking San the same way. “But it can wait. What did Hongjoong want?”

San takes his place next to you again, shrugging as he does so. “He was just letting me know the plan for tomorrow.” 

Seonghwa reaches for his book, plucking it out of your hands before you can respond to San. “I trust you won’t be needing my copy, anymore.” 

Resisting the urge to mock him, you respond to San instead. “Such as…?”

“When to be there, how to help you dress, so on.” 

So on… Why does it feel like there’s a lot more emphasis on the ending of that list? They had been gone for a good five minutes, there had to be more than that, surely. Why wouldn’t San tell you the whole truth? What good would that do for him? 

You stay quiet, trying to ignore your suspicions. If you can’t trust San, who can you trust? 

.・。.・゜✭ ⧖ ・.・ ⧖ ✫・゜・。.

It turns out that you have to wake up significantly more early than usual.

San shakes you awake at four, ignoring your pleas for five more minutes. “I waited as long as I could, (Y/n).” 

You grumble and moan, but find it in yourself to get out of bed. For Haseul. That’s what you tell yourself. All of this is for Haseul. Your cooperation is for her. Had she not been here, you’d be kicking and screaming the whole way. 

But, unfortunately, Hongjoong figured out how to play you like a damn fiddle. So here you are, tugging on the same black dress pants that you had put on… what, three weeks ago? A month ago? Longer? You have no idea. 

You manage to button your shirt correctly this time, though your face burns at the memory of Seonghwa having to help you dress. What had happened to you? You never would have thought that the day would come where you would voluntarily wear this… cult regalia. 

San watches, already fully dressed by the time that he woke you up. You have to admit that he looks handsome in all black, the clothes clearly tailored to fit him. Two or three silver necklaces hang down his chest, matching rings gracing his fingers. He hasn’t put his mask on, yet, or his hat, leaving his features exposed in the security of your apartment. 

“Let me help,” he offers, squatting to his knees to help you tie your boots as you pull them on. He ties your right shoe as you tie your left, lacing them with the deftness of well-trained hands. 

Of course, he finishes before you do. He takes over tying your left shoe, smiling up at you as you yield the laces to him. “Thank you.” 

He only pats your knee, standing back up and offering his hand to you. You take it and rise as well, glancing at the clock. 4:29. 

The ceremony starts at 6. You’re not really sure why you have to be in positions so early, but… whatever. You’re not going to fight it. You can do this, you’re sure of it. For Haseul, you’ll do it. 

San opens the wardrobe, grabbing your two hats off of the top shelf. Had you ever noticed them sitting there? You’re not sure. Maybe someone had brought them in. 

He hands you yours, swirling his around on his finger instead of putting it on. “How are you feeling?” 

You put the hat on. “Fine.” 

“You sure?” He sounds genuine enough, and you don’t doubt that he’s at least a little worried for you. And, obviously, given the circumstances with Haseul… 

“I just hope I don’t fuck up.” 

San frowns, reaching for your hand. You let him take it. 

“Everything will be fine,” he promises, rubbing your hand with his. “It’ll be over before you know it!” 

Forcing a smile, you nod. He’s probably right. If you just grit your teeth and bare it, the whole thing will be over as quickly as you can say the stupid little incantation. There’s no reason to be afraid or worried. 

… That’s what you really want to believe. But you can’t bring yourself to think that it will actually be that easy. Something is going to happen. Something bad. You’re sure of it, now, in this moment. You’re more sure of it than anything else. 

Hongjoong won’t just let this happen. He won’t just let this pan out easily. He has something planned, and you’re sure that it’s something terrible…

The sacrifice mentioned in the steps… you had never had the chance to ask about it. Something is going to happen then, you’re sure. At the moment of the sacrifice or the moment that it’s presented, it’s going to be something beyond even your imagination. 

Hongjoong’s insanity knows no bounds, and that is something that you know for a positive fact. He can’t just have something go well or normally when you’re involved. He will have to stick his fingers in the pie, have to meddle to make something happen. 

Your stomach flips as you consider the possibilities. You suddenly feel woozy. 

“Hey,” San calls your attention back to the moment at hand, grabbing your other arm with his free hand. “Are you alright?” 

You blink at him, “Just a little lightheaded is all.” 

“Do you want something to eat?” He starts to pull you toward the kitchenette, but the thought of eating only makes your stomach feel heavier. 

Planting your feet, you shake your head. “No, no, I’m fine. I just want to get this over with.”

You’re not lying. If something is going to happen (when something is going to happen), you would rather just have it be done and have it be over. 

Whatever it is, you’re sure that you can survive it. You’ve made it this far without losing your wits or dying, you’re sure that you can make it through a ten minute ordeal. Even if it is particularly nasty or horrible. 

Fuck, you just hope the sacrifice isn’t a person. You’re, like, sixty percent sure that it won’t be, but… that forty percent is still a question mark. At least you know it won’t be you. 

That’s probably not the right mindset. But, hey, that’s life, isn’t it? 

San looks between you and the clock, looking disappointed. “I guess we don’t really have time, anyhow. I’m sorry.” He apologizes, dropping his hands from you. 

You brush off the apology, following him as he leaves the room and approaches your door. 

“You’re sure that you’re okay?” San asks again, pausing by your front door. “I can make up some excuse if I have to.” 

You don’t have to force a smile, this time. “I’m going to be fine as soon as this is over.” 

He nods in acceptance, opening the door and holding it open for you.

The two of you head to the chapel in silence, other Followers wearing their all-black regalia crowding the hallways and stairwells. A few people smile and wave at you, though you can’t really say that you recognize them. 

As you squeeze through the halls, you wonder where Haseul is being kept. In one of the single rooms, you’re sure, but which one… 

You almost have the urge to start knocking on every door on the women’s floor, jangle each doorknob and greet each person until you find her…

But that would be silly, and you know that. You’d only be punished if you went looking for her. Worse, she would probably be punished for your stupidity, too. 

That’s not going to happen. 

So you fight the feeling, just as you fought your panic. Your stomach is still a wreck as you follow San. You don’t hold his hand, not in public, but you wish that you could grab him for some semblance of comfort. 

He would take your hand if you tried, you realize. Clearly, he doesn’t have much of an issue speaking about your relationship, at least with Mingi. 

The memory of their argument brings a sour expression to your face. You’re still not very pleased with how San had acted, or with how Mingi had, either. Even after the apology… 

And San never confirmed that he apologized to Mingi. Well, you had never asked him. 

But whatever. That has to be a problem for another day, for another you. Or at least for the you of three hours from now. You can’t go into this being pissed at basically the only two people that you like here. 

That doesn’t give much credit to Nayeon or Yunho or Wooyoung or Yeosang, you realize, but whatever. You don’t need to be debating who your friends are and who your friends aren’t.

After what happened with Wooyoung, anyways, would you really consider him a friend? Had you really processed any of what he had told you? What the fuck.

Your head swims with the reality of everything that has been happening to you in the past couple days. You’ve experienced enough goddamn trauma to let Dr. Phil run another 12 seasons on you alone. Fucking hell. Literally what the fuck.

You finally reach the big doors, relishing the feeling of stepping into the cool outside air. The hallways had been stuffy with the weight of all of the Followers, and the sudden breeze is refreshing; especially given your fucking outfit. 

The sun hasn’t even poked above the horizon, yet. You wouldn’t even call it dawn. But you don’t have to squint to make out the chapel in this distance. 

The sea of Followers in front of you lead the way to the holy place, a swarm of black across the farm. 

You wonder how many of them there really are. If Hongjoong said that everyone had to attend this ceremony… fuck. There’s a lot of people. Just the people you can see outside seem to outnumber what you would have originally thought. 

How in the world had Hongjoong recruited so many people? 

How many of these people actually believed every word that he said? You’d have to assume most of them. What would they do to make him happy? To keep him happy? 

The thought sends an unwelcome shiver down your spine, only making your stomach worse.

The walk isn’t long, and you soon find yourself passing the doors that are being held open by the swarm of people crowding through them. 

It’s fuller than you’ve ever seen it, the chapel. Some people are already seated in the pews, chatting with their peers. The majority of the Followers, however, are still standing, mingling in the aisle.

You follow San’s lead, presuming that he’ll take you wherever you need to be. He goes about halfway to the front of the chapel, stopping in a less-populated area of the aisle in what you assume is an attempt to make you calmer. You’re not sure that it helps, but you appreciate the gesture, anyhow.

You wonder who the other Followers that were chosen for the ceremony are. Will anyone that you know be up there to comfort you? It probably wouldn’t make a difference, but at least one familiar face would be welcome. 

As you glance around the room, you find your eyes tugging toward the Sign of the Answer, the huge one on the wall. Hongjoong’s chair is gone in preparation for the ceremony, so you’re able to see it in all of its glory. Per usual, the chapel is lit by candles, and the light glints off of the Sign exactly how you remember it looking the night that you had been Chosen. The memory makes you more nervous.

San puts a hand on your arm, calling your attention back to him. You glance at his face first, only to see him looking ahead as someone approaches. For a split second, you’re worried that its going to be Mingi. 

But it’s only Wooyoung, you realize. 

He stops in front of you, two glasses in his hands. “Hello,” he greets you, looking between the two of you.

San returns the hello, but you can’t bring yourself to respond. Something about the sight of him disturbs you. And the glasses in his hands.

He gets straight to business.

“Drink this,” Wooyoung holds out a champagne glass filled with something that is decidedly not champagne. Instead of sparkling, yellow liquid, this is a flat, blood red. 

You hesitantly take the stem, tilting the glass to watch the liquid move. Thankfully, it doesn’t actually seem to be blood. You take a sniff, not all that surprised to smell the familiar red wine scent. 

“It’s just wine. For the nerves.”

Shrugging, you take a sip. He’s not lying, but… “Last time you fed me in this room you also drugged me.” 

Wooyoung mirrors your shrug. “Don’t drink it then.”

You glance at San, who also shrugs. 

“Well fuck it, then.” In an action reminiscent of your college days, you down the glass; ignoring the bitterness as best you can. 

Wooyoung takes the glass back from you. “Good luck, then.” 

He excuses himself, wandering back into the crowd with the other glass. You assume that he’s handing them out to all of the participating Followers, but you opt to stop watching him to look back at San.

“Do you think that was drugged?” You ask San, rubbing your palms on your jacket. 

His eyes go wide, “I wouldn’t have let you drink it if I thought it was!” 

“I’m not sure I trust Hongjoong that much.” 

“I do.” San puts a hand on your shoulder, rubbing it gently. His words don’t offer you any comfort, but the hand is pleasant enough.

Well, you’ll know soon enough, anyhow. Maybe this would all go a lot more smoothly if you were drugged, somehow. Your heart feels like a damn jackhammer in your chest.

You try to look around, wanting to spot any familiar face in the crowd for any sense of comfort. It’s just so damn hard with everyone dressed like the fucking grim reaper. You think that you spot Nayeon, briefly, her long brown hair contrasting beautifully to the fitted black of her coat. 

Yunho is hard to miss, his height only exaggerated by the hat atop his head. You’re not entirely sure where you stand with him, though, given your place with Mingi. If Mingi’s still pissed at you (which, to give him credit, you’re not sure if he is), Yunho probably is too. 

Speaking of Mingi, he approaches Yunho, his own height rather hard to miss in the crowd. He grabs his friend’s shoulder, exclaiming something that’s a bit too quiet for you to make out. But you know Mingi’s voice when you hear it. 

After this, you have to talk to Mingi. Even though you might be a little… upset? Disappointed? At his outburst and his childish behavior, you have to make things right by him. Yunho, too, you suppose. 

You still hold out hope that Haseul will make an appearance, though you’re sure Hongjoong made arrangements to keep her away. Though… if Mingi is here, who's watching her? It probably wouldn’t be hard to find someone else, but someone else that Hongjoong trusted that much… that’s a different story. You know that you should probably just drop it, but there’s something in you that feels like she’ll show up… you certainly have a lot of feelings, this morning. 

A hand wraps around your elbow, startling you. You don’t have to look to recognize Hongjoong, his touch alone enough to identify him, burning hot even through your jacket.

“(Y/n),” he purrs, holding you close to him, “how are you feeling?” 

You try to pull your arm away, to no avail. “Like I’m going to be sick.” 

Hongjoong laughs, “you’ll be completely fine. You’re not the sacrifice.” 

That doesn’t do anything to calm your nerves. That’s not what you’re worried about. And you’d rather not have to play one of his stupid games. “I have a sense that some anvil is about to fall on my head.” 

“Hmmm,” he hums, “maybe. Maybe not. It depends on what you’re picturing.”

“I’m picturing what you wrote in The Answer.” You force the words out through gritted teeth. It’s so fucking annoying when he does this; when he doesn’t just speak his mind. You’d much prefer him telling you that, yeah, you’re about to be grievously harmed than have him just dangle the thought in front of your eyes.

“Well, either way, I’m sure you understand what will happen if you disrupt the ceremony.” Hongjoong’s voice is laced with that sickening smile of his, “or if you fail to complete your part in it.” 

He’s right, he doesn’t need to remind you in the slightest. You can only imagine the fear that Haseul is in right now, but your own fear for her must be ten times worse. The idea of Hongjoong putting his hands on her makes your gut churn.

The fact that he backed you into such a perfect corner is almost sickening. It pisses you off to no end. Why did he have to bring her into this? Not that you would want him to use this treatment on Mingi, but, like, fuck, he at least already had him here. Was it really necessary to involve a completely innocent girl? 

If you didn’t care what happened to her, you might just spit in the man’s face at this very second. 

“I get it, Hongjoong.” 

“Then you’ll do great!” He releases your arm, opting to pat your shoulder a couple times. “Simply stick to the outline. Do your part. And it’ll be over quickly.” 

You take a deep breath, “Hongjoong,” you hope that saying his name will make him listen to you, “can I see her, afterword?” 

His hand stops on your shoulder, squeezing. “Let’s see how you fare, first.” His voice seems harder with these words, more sharp. Hopefully that wasn’t some sort of huge overstep to him. 

He cuts off the conversation at that, leaving your side to rejoin the crowd of Followers. He’s wearing the same outfit he had been wearing yesterday, the shiny material catching the light of the candles ever so as he moves. 

“San,” you turn toward where San was standing, only to find him gone. You whirl around in a circle in a way that must look comical, searching for where he could have gone off to. He doesn’t appear to be in your near vicinity, somehow completely, wordlessly disappeared. 

Dread swirls in your stomach. You were going to ask him if he knew what the sacrifice was going to be, finally reminded.

As if commanded by some outside force, the majority of the Followers suddenly stop their conversations. The room falls silent as people make their ways to their usual pews, sliding silently into their seats. 

Per usual, you’ve been left out of the loop. 

Without San to guide you into place, you really have no idea what you’re supposed to be doing. You look toward the front of the chapel, expecting to find Hongjoong glaring at you, but not even he is there to tell you what to do. 

Looking around to the other Followers that are still standing, you’re mildly surprised to see Yunho only a couple feet away. He catches your eye, tipping his head toward the front of the room in signal. He starts walking, so you start walking. 

You’re hyper aware of the sound of your footsteps on the wood floors, your boots clicking with each step. Yunho’s do, too. The steps are the only sound in the chapel. 

With bated breath, you reach the front of the room. You glance toward your usual pew, hoping to see San sitting in your spot. He’s not, however, only making the rock in your stomach that much heavier. 

Yunho steps up onto the little stage, offering you his hand to help with the step up. You take it, joining him and turning toward the congregation of Followers. From this angle, you can see… it takes you a second to count the heads… eight other Followers approaching the stage. You try to find Hongjoong among them, but he’s not there. Neither is San.

After what feels like forever, Yunho and yourself are joined by the others. You read this part, you feel okay about it. Well, not okay okay, but, like, you know. At least you know what to expect. 

Yunho grabs your left hand, as someone you can’t recall the name of takes the place to your right; taking that hand into theirs. 

The ten of you link into a circle, hand-in-hand. 

You had kind of expected there to be more guidance from Hongjoong in this process. A narration or a sort of sermon over the top of your actions, but Hongjoong remains unseen and unheard as the Followers around you start their recitation. 

“On this day we make our vow,” you don’t jump into the speech until the next sentence, unsure of how they knew that it was time to start. “From henceforth we pledge ourselves.”

You take three steps to your left. The Sign of the Answer twinkles in your peripheral vision. The Followers in the pews have their heads bowed. 

“The Answer is near. We shall not wonder or fear.” 

Three more steps. 

“I myself am mighty and true. My blood will protect and provide anew.” 

Three more steps to the left. This time, you almost step on Yunho’s toes. You try to look at the other Followers in your circle, but their heads are similarly bowed. You look back down at your feet. You’re lightheaded. 

“The barrier is weak.”

Your hands float upwards, along with the rest of the circle’s. Still connected, everyone’s hands hang in the air of the center of the circle. 

“United, we cast away the evil that would do us harm. We uninvite the spirits that dance between this Universe and the next.” 

Someone, you’re not sure who, breaks the circle first. Your eyes are closed, you realize. You open them only when Yunho’s hand leaves your own; barely hearing his hushed whispering at your side. Before you know it, the knife is in your own hands. 

It’s already sparkling with blood. At least Yunho’s. The lowlight makes it hard to see, but the Sign of the Answer does a beautiful job of illuminating just enough to reawaken your nausea. What the fuck is happening, right now? What the fuck are you about to do?

Yunho’s blood drips down the blade and onto your hand. It’s warm. 

You’re sure that you’re going to faint. 

But you hold the blade to your left hand, anyways, saying the words as quietly as you can. Surely, this is all just some batshit insane cult ceremony, but the weight of speaking them outloud is still sickening. 

“I offer this vessel of myself for the betterment of the community. My blood banishes the evil from them, and calls it toward me. I swear this today and everyday.” 

You swipe the blade across your palm, handing it off to the Follower next to you as fast as you can manage. You close your eyes again. Your hand burns. You almost think that you can hear your blood, dropping from your palm and hitting the floor.

At some point, the last person finishes. The knife clatters to the floor, the only sound in the chapel. You know to take three more steps to the left. And to finish the words. 

“We call upon you to stay away.” 

The scream makes you open your eyes. 

Disorientated, you realize that you’re facing away from the crowd, staring directly at the Sign. But it’s not glowing anymore. 

You turn around, blinded. Every candle in the chapel has gone out.

Was that the source of the scream? The lights going out? What the fuc—

The door behind the stage slams open. You jump again, spinning back as though you’d be able to see anything, anyhow. 

Someone in the audience wails. 

Are they seeing something that you’re not? Your heart pounds hard, so so hard. Is this panic? The spell? A heart attack? 

You need to sit down. Yunho grabs your hand before you can stumble off of the stage. He pulls you behind him, keeping the arm behind his back to hold you there. 

You fist the back of his coat, probably soiling the material with your blood, but it’s all you can do to keep yourself standing upright. The urge to vomit hits you again, but you prevail, closing your eyes as tight as you can. 

Is this supposed to happen? This wasn’t in the outline. Are you meant to feel like such shit right now?

How did all of the candles go out?

Who the fuck is interrupting? 

Something, or someone, drops in the middle of the circle. 

You open your eyes again, peering around Yunho. The rest of the circle had stayed in place. 

At the center of your circle, now, is a head. 

Not a human head, thank God, but a pig’s. Your stomach still revolts, still tumbling over and over itself as you slide back into your spot in the circle. You clamp onto Yunho’s hand like its the only thing that you’ve ever known, grounding yourself the only way that you can. 

Its still so dark. You close your eyes again

You’re not sure what you’re supposed to do now. Is it over? You hope to God that its over. You can’t take another goddamned minute of thi—

You open your eyes at the same instant that Yunho yells. Everything happens so fucking fast. 

Yunho falls backward, off of the stage. You process this secondly. Chiefly, however, your attention is caught by the figure now in front of you, where the pig head had been seconds before. 

It’s huge. You can’t comprehend it entirely, what it is that you’re seeing. It doesn’t even look human. It grabs your now vacant hand, pulling you away from the Followers. 

There’s a collective scream behind you, and you’re not surprised to realize that you’re also screaming. 

You try to look into the face. But it doesn’t have a face. It’s nothing. Is this death? 

You’re falling backwards, now. Before you know it, you’re on the ground, curling in on yourself.

Someone turns the overhead lights on. You cradle your hands to your chest, aware of the fact that you’re crying. The tears are hot on your cheeks. The blood is hot on your hands. The feeling of that, that, fucking thing making you want to retch. 

What the fuck was that? What the fuck? 

Hongjoong appears at your side, his face blurry. From your tears, from the panic? You’re not sure. 

He asks if you’re okay. You can’t answer him. You close your eyes again.

.・。.・゜✭ ⧖ ・.・ ⧖ ✫・゜・。.

In your sleep, you see it again. 

Even in this instance, you can’t tell what it is. It’s shaped like a person, but you can’t look directly at it. You know that if you look, it won’t have a face.

In your dream, it’s even bigger than it was. It towers over you, grabbing you over and over, your screaming and begging doing nothing to appease it. 

You can see its hands as they reach, as they latch onto you. They’re white. But they’re not skin. It’s cloth, you realize, gloves. 

The rest of it is white, too. But it certainly doesn’t look like clothing. You couldn’t ever explain it to someone if they asked, and you’re much too terrified to go digging into the details. 

All you know is that it doesn’t have a face. It’s not natural. Every part of you hates every part of this thing. 

You want to wake up.

.・。.・゜✭ ⧖ ・.・ ⧖ ✫・゜・。.

And so you do, in the infirmary. 

The first thing you see are the familiar ceiling tiles. The second thing is Hongjoong.

You startle awake, twitching in on yourself as you try to sit up. 

Hongjoong sucks in a breath, though he doesn’t get to his feet to help you. He’s still wearing that outfit. 

You’re still wearing yours, you realize. The pants rub uncomfortably against the blanket laying over you. You’re able to sit up easily enough, and you’re relieved to realize that nothing hurts. You feel fine.

“So, do you believe me now?” Hongjoong asks once you’re up, but he’s not smiling in triumph as you would’ve imagined.

“What the fuck was that thing?” 

Hongjoong sighs, “Exactly what I was trying to protect us from. A guardian.”

You blink at him, dumbfounded. There’s literally no fucking way in hell that Hongjoong has been right about any of this. He’s insane. He is fully, entirely, batshit insane. 

You can’t explain away whatever the fuck just happened, but you’re not about to accept that he’s been telling you the truth. That there are alternate universes and demons that can jump between them. That’s not real life. That’s not how the world works. 

Whatever just happened, whatever that was, there’s a reasonable explanation. Surely. 

Though you can’t imagine what that explanation would be, it must exist. The last fucking thing in the world that you’re going to do now is believe in Hongjoong. Like, what the fuck? What the fuck? Why would you fucking believe in a fucking religion that has fucking faceless demons fucking running around freely? You wouldn’t. You refuse. You will not. 

Even if that is the only explanation for the thing in white, you are not going to believe it. You would sooner believe that you have a hallucination disorder than accept that Hongjoong is right about anything. 

Thinking about it, you probably would have to have some sort of psychosis to accept any of this. But, then again, this is exactly the sort of thing that would trigger psychosis… 

You’re thinking way too fucking hard about this. It is simple. Hongjoong is a freak.

“Where’s San?” The question is natural. 

Hongjoong raises his eyebrows, “Interesting follow-up question. I thought it best to separate you two for now.” 

“Why?” 

He doesn’t answer your question. Instead, he stands up. “How is your hand?” 

You had honestly forgotten about it. Holding it up, you examine your bandage. “Fine.” 

The two of you stay in silence. Hongjoong seems mad. 

“Is that really all you’re going to ask?” He asks, almost sounding whiny. Like a child. 

It’s certainly all you’re going to ask him. He’ll only lie to you. “Can I see Seonghwa?” You ask instead.

Hongjoong scoffs. He brushes his hair back, looking around the room as if he’s expecting some live studio audience to empathize with him. “I know you’re not fucking him.” 

You shrug. “Are you okay, Hongjoong?” 

His face falls flat. He crosses his arms over his chest, turning to fully face you again. “I’m great.” The words are strained. You’ve never known Hongjoong to be a bad liar. 

“You seem kinda pissed.” 

“I am not—” He closes his eyes, bringing a hand up to his forehead. “I’m fine. I’ll have Seonghwa come visit, since you clearly won’t be speaking to me.” He says this like he expects you to apologize. But what the hell would you apologize for? 

Hongjoong leaves without another word once it becomes clear that you won’t be giving him what he wants. You’re sure that he expected more crying, more fear, more begging and pleading for answers. 

You save that for once you’re sure that he’s gone.

Trembling, you pull your knees to your chest. Your fingers twitch with fear, your hair feels foreignly heavy, your wrist burns and burns where the thing had touched you. 

You refuse to believe that it was real. It cannot be real. None of this can be real. There was some trick, some show, some plan that you weren’t privy to. Seonghwa will tell you. He’ll have to tell you. He’s honest, most of the time. He’ll explain it away, he’ll tell you how Hongjoong did it and why it seemed so real. 

Where was its face? 

How had they done that? Where the fact should have been, there was nothing. You couldn’t even say that it was a color. It was a void. An emptiness. There was nothing there. 

The memory makes you dizzy. You lean back against the pillows, praying to God that you’re not going insane. Had you really seen that? You couldn’t have. Because that’s just not something that’s possible. 

If Seonghwa can’t explain this, you might go crazy. You might. What else is there to do? It wasn’t real. But the fear that you’re feeling now certainly is. 

What if it comes back? What if they make it come back? What was it? Where was its face? 

Even though whatever the fuck that was wasn’t real, the memory certainly is. You’re going to be lucky to sleep soundly one night for the rest of your damn life. What the fuck. 

Seonghwa lets himself into the room only a few minutes after Hongjoong had left. 

“You like me so much that you ask for me now?” He smirks, approaching your side. 

His face falls flat when he takes a good look at you. “Stop that. Why are you crying?” 

“Seonghwa.” You feel that it’s quite obvious why you’re crying. 

He only blinks at you. 

“What the fuck was that?” Your voice shakes with the question. 

“I—” He starts, opening and closing his mouth a few times. “Its complicated.” 

You cover your face with your hands. “Was it real? Just be honest.” 

You can’t see his reaction to your question, and he doesn’t answer it, either. 

“What was it?” You moan, hardly able to even spit the words out. To basically admit to Seonghwa that you were scared.

“I think it would be better if you talked to Hongjoo—”

“I am not talking to Hongjoong!” 

You take your hands away from your face, needing to look at him. You hate him. You hate him more than fucking anything. Why can’t he just be honest? Why is he Hongjoong’s little fucking doll? Why does he worship him to such a degree when he’s this fucking evil? Where would he draw the line? 

Seonghwa is stunned into silence. He only stares down at you.

“All I can say is that I didn’t know it was going to happen.” 

He looks blurry through your tears, only making you angrier as you recall Hongjoong looking the same way.

“Stop bullshitting me, please, Seonghwa,” you beg. “I think I’ll go insane if you don’t fucking answer me.” 

He turns away from your bed, striding to one of the medicine cabinets in an attempt to look anywhere but your face. He rakes a hand through his hair, pushing it away from his forehead momentarily. 

“What do you want to hear?” He asks, turning back toward you, though he keeps his distance. “Would you rather know what Hongjoong is capable of or would you rather keep the comforting thought that he’s right? Wouldn’t that just be easier for everybody?” 

“You’re saying that Hongjoong can do things scarier than the thought of fucking interdimensional demons being real?” You throw your hands out in front of you, almost yelling in frustration. 

“That’s exactly what I’m saying! Yes!” Seonghwa matches your tone. “He’s only going to come at you harder. He exists to make you break! Just fucking accept the truth for what he says that it is, and everything will come easily!” 

“I’m not going to do that!” 

Seonghwa laughs bitterly. “I’m sure you believe that, too, Princess.” 

You stare back at him, sure that you look insane. “Can you be genuine for one fucking second?” 

His face contorts into a scowl. “I’ve never been anything but genuine with you. You’re the one that deludes yourself.” He strides back to the door, freezing in the frame. “Is there anything else you wish to fling at me?” 

“I’m taking this to mean that it wasn’t real.” 

“If that helps you sleep at night.” 

Seonghwa leaves. 

.・。.・゜✭ ⧖ ・.・ ⧖ ✫・゜・。.

Can you bear some girl time? You’re not sure as Nayeon lets herself in, walking casually into the room as if the literal antichrist of her religion didn’t just make a physical appearance before her. 

“How are we feeling?” She asks, dragging out the vowel sounds in her question. 

“Uhm,” you look at your hand, the only injured part of your body, “fine, I guess.” 

“Perfect!” She smiles, reaching out to put her hand under yours. “The bandage looks fine. I don’t think it’ll reopen.” 

Nayeon had found time to change her clothes. She’s back to her usual farm girl outfit, smiling and happy. 

“Are you alright, Nayeon?” You ask, curious to know what a regular Follower made of what the fuck happened. 

She frowns, and then shrugs, and then smiles again. “I mean, it was, like, a bit scary. But Hongjoong made it go away, and he’s always with us, so it’s not like it can come back to hurt us. I was definitely scared at first, but then he showed up and I knew it would be okay.” 

“Uh-huh,” you nod, slowly. Nayeon has always been a valuable source of information for you. 

“It was just so valiant; do you remember how he saved you?” She giggles, “he still has it going for you. It’s amazing.” 

You shake your head. “I can’t say that I remember much…” Other than the fucking maw of emptiness. 

“Oh, well I got you.” She pulls up one of her rolling stools, sitting herself down right next to your bed. “So the ceremony went great. Textbook, really. But as it was finishing… I guess I’m not really sure how it happened, either. Like, one second everything was fine, and the next Yunho was on the ground— he’s fine, by the way; wind knocked out of him, but yeah, anyways— and the Guardian was there and everyone was screaming, it was so scary. I guess it grabbed you… and then Hongjoong appeared and it was like his presence just scared it away. I didn’t see what happened exactly… but the next thing I knew you were on the ground and Hongjoong was hollering for my help.” 

She shrugs. 

What you gather from that is that she didn’t see how it got there or how it left. Good signs, probably. She’d certainly remember seeing something… appear out of thin air. You almost want to smile. What a silly thought, that that could have all been real… haha… ha… yeah, funny…

“I see…” You respond, not sure what you’re supposed to say, “how much time has passed?” 

Nayeon looks at her watch, “like, three hours.” 

Great. Perfect, actually. It would be very unfortunate to find out that you had been unconscious for a week again, especially given the circumstances with Haseul. She’s probably already freaking out, but not hearing anything from you for a week… 

Is Hongjoong going to let you see her? After your brush with death? It wasn’t your fault that… whatever happened happened. Like, he planned that, not you. Surely he can’t hold this over your head. If anything, you basically almost just got kidnapped into a parallel universe, he should be treating you very kindly, right? 

Asshole. He’s probably going to bitch and moan for the next week about you not being scared of him. Fucking asshat. 

But… God, ugh, this is all so frustrating. On one hand, you’re pissed at him for, you don’t know, literally everything that he’s ever done to you, maybe? But on the other, you know that you’re going to have to play by his rules to get him to leave Haseul alone. Or, well, at least as alone as he can.

When is she going to have a Choosing ceremony, you wonder? Yours didn’t take very long… 

Well, if he doesn’t let you see her after this, at least you have that to… tentatively look forward to… ew, you don’t even want to be thinking like that. 

Nayeon stands at your side, bringing you back. 

You don’t realize why until you look behind her, only to spot Yunho standing near the doorway. 

He’s changed out of his clothes, thankfully. But just seeing him is enough to flood your mind with the thought of the thing, your stomach lurching over again as he welcomes himself into the room, clearing his throat. 

Nayeon pats his shoulder as she walks past him, excusing herself. Yunho stops at the foot of your bed. 

You have to admit that he might be one of the last people you would have expected to visit you, now. You had been thinking it before everything happened, but you don’t really think he has any lost love for you, given your circumstances with Mingi. 

“Thank you,” you break the silence, forcing the words out before you can think better of them, “for, uhm, trying to help me. And, I mean, actually helping me, too.” You can’t forget that he had kept you standing when the sacrifice was presented. How ruined is his coat?

He awkwardly looks at his hands, which are gripping the rail at the end of your bed. “Don’t mention it.” His voice is so meager that you barely can hear him. 

Yunho doesn’t look up. You’re not sure what else to say. So you speak without thinking, again. “How’s Mingi?” 

He peeks up at you, but then goes right back to staring down. “He’s… uhm, well, that’s what I wanted to talk to you about.” 

He pries his hands off of the rail, but then stares at them like he’s unsure that they’re even his hands. Tucking his hands behind his back, he continues, though he still doesn’t look straight at you, “I, uhm, yeah. Mingi is worried about you, and I think his worry came off the wrong way to you and San.” 

“Uh-huh,” you nod, slowly, and semi-sarcastically. You could’ve guessed that. “He has an interesting way of showing it.” 

Yunho takes a deep breath, “He doesn’t know that I’m here. I just thought that I would try and explain his side of things. From his perspective, he is the reason that you’re here and he feels guilty for that; but he’s also pissed that you’ve gotten close with San so quickly, because he doesn’t like him and he feels like you won’t take his concerns seriously.” 

“I don’t see what there is to be concerned about,” you plainly state, “do you have something against San, Yunho? Any reason at all to believe that Mingi could have reason to suspect that he’s not what he shows me?” 

Yunho startles when you say his name, like someone barely inhabiting their own body. “I mean, no. I think Mingi is probably just projecting his fear onto San, but don’t tell him I said that.” 

“Exactly. So why should I have to cater to Mingi’s ego?” The words sound harsh even as you say them, but its a genuine question. You don’t have much reason to believe that San would ever do anything to hurt you… besides him being someone that Hongjoong clearly trusts, but, like, you’ve been over that a million times before. 

Yunho just shrugs. “I don’t know. I just thought that maybe you would hear me out, since I know it’s hard for you to be alone with Mingi.” He stops his nervous fidgeting, finally looking directly at you. “I wasn’t nice to you because I harbor any sweetness towards you, for the record. I don’t even care that you’re the new object of Hongjoong’s affection. I only tried to help because I knew that, if I didn’t, Mingi would have.” His voice is harder than you’ve ever heard it; a shocking contrast to how he had been speaking just moments earlier. He maintains eye contact with you, his eyes dark. 

You’re the one to look away, this time, disturbed by what he said. What a very random and slightly disturbing thing to say. 

When you look back up at him, Yunho is already nervously looking around the room. His hands are in front of him again as he plays with his fingers. 

“Well,” you clear your throat, “thanks anyways, Yunho.” 

“Yep,” is all he says before leaving your room, basically running. 

… That was strange. Very strange. 

Nayeon doesn’t return. You’re left alone, puzzling over that entire interaction.

What… what was the point of that? Like, okay, sure you can get him wanting to try and vouch for Mingi. But… uhm??? The last part? What? Why was that so ominous? Huh? 

You had never known Yunho to be particularly timid… or… rude… This all is just very weird. Maybe even weirder than the fake demon situation. 

No, scratch that, definitely not any weirder than that. That one is gonna keep you awake for a while. A good while. But Yunho’s behavior was definitely not his usual, which is almost concerning. Almost… only because you suppose that you don’t really know him that well. Maybe he’s only really nice and outgoing to strangers… 

That wouldn’t make sense, either. 

Whatever, you really can’t be worrying about that right now. You have priorities. 

Priorities of which you would list, at least in your head, if San didn’t come barreling through the door the next moment. 

You startle, shocked by his sudden appearance. He’s changed, but he doesn’t look great. His hair is a mess, his lip is split, his shirt is untucked in places.

He reaches out for you, and you reach him halfway, grabbing his forearms as he grabs yours. Wordlessly, he looks over your face hastily, pressing his lips to yours before you can ask what happened. 

Your lips part, and he puts his forehead on yours. “We need to get out of here. As soon as possible.” 

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[brookiidookiii]

I think it's really interesting how Jo manipulates her teammates in the game because for each person she uses different methods. Like for example:

With Brick she uses a lot of militarisms, like in ep4 when she convinced him to go to the finish without the rest of the time and abandon his code, she was speaking to him like "that's an order, soldier, cut and run." Brick is an army cadet used to be spoken to in this kind of way, so Jo realizes obviously he's more likely to listen when I order him in a way he's used to and recognizes as authority, rather than if I just yelled at him any other way. Obviously there's exceptions to how she speaks with him but for the most part when she wants him to do something very important (like I said, in episode 4,) she speaks using military terms.

The way she gets to participate Anne Maria is different, because she's kind of lazy, and the most important thing to her is her vanity. Like in episode 3, Jo provokes her by insulting her appearance so Anne Maria will participate and climb up the mountain to get to her. It indirect, because Anne Maria doesn't realize that she's helping, she just wants to get back at Jo. Or when Jo threw Anne Maria's hairspray so that she'd go after it instead of staying at the base doing nothing. Also using her vanity against her!

Jo's interactions with Zoey were really brief but it's worth mentioning. Ep5, Zoey's really angry with Mike and Anne Maria, Jo notices her anger and encourages her to utilize it and direct it at the other team. I guess the way Jo talks to her is pretty basic lmao. It's just pep talks. With it's good for Zoey because she's also lowkey basic.

LIGHTNING is interesting because he's dumb but stubborn. Jo gets him to do what she wants by using his ego against him and tricking him into thinking he's in charge when in actuality it's her ordering him. She knows he's much stronger, and would be the best for rowing, but he doesn't want to because he doesn't get why she's bossing him around. "Hey if you don't want to be captain of our rowing team..." yeah. Using his large ego against him in that scenario. A lot of it tho is her going along with his bullshit and idiocy to keep her alliance with him, like going along with the fact he thinks she's a guy to keep their dude alliance.

Lastly, to keep Cameron around she uses intimidation tactics. She knows he's smart but also weak and basically incapable of defending himself and he's scared of her. And he's even scared to stand up for himself until Lightning encourages him too. I know she never really directly makes a treat to hurt him if he stops listening to her, but throughout the episode she's slinging him over her shoulder and picking him up and emphasizing the fact that she IS much stronger than him, and she really, really overlooks that Cameron could stand up for himself because he's clearly intimidated by her. She speaks to him in an infantilizing tone, and underestimates his assertiveness and strategizing skills until he betrays her.

There's maybe a few things I'm missing IDK but yeah. Jo talks to her teammates very differently and is good at adapting her strategies to accommodate others weak points. The way she goes about the competition is unique! The interactions she has with the people around her differ a lot and it's cool.

[logicalarachnid]

Spider-Man (2018) Aftermath Otto vs Spidey Boss-Battle Ramble

Just finished playing Spider-Man (2018) and that final Peter & Otto scene RUINED me. I expected to lose it when Aunt May would die, bcs they were setting it up to end like that, but gosh, I did not expect that heartbreaking scene between mentor and student.

To me, that final scene between them was such a good depiction of someone like Otto who is mentally unstable/ill, and it isn't their fault, but they lose their way and lash out. And Peter, who is like a carer, someone close to that hurt person, who loves them, and wants to help, but they can't anymore.

It's like Peter says to Otto when he tells him that he can't save him. "I guess you'll have to save yourself." It's the motions that they go through during the conversation, how it shifts because of how Peter doesn't respond the way Otto wants/hopes. The way Otto suffers, we can understand it and partially sympathise, and we are able to do this purely because of Peter's perspective, bcs of the journey we go through with him up to that point. Peter loves Otto, and it hurts to hear him talk the way he does. It hurts him to know about the terrible things Otto did that has hurt all of NYC...all of it is far from who he knew the man to be before.

"You were everything I wanted to be!" This line really got to me in particular. How, while Otto tires to backtrack and get out of the situation the best he can, if he could only convince Peter, it doesn't work, bcs it just shows Peter just how far gone Otto is from what he knew. And yet, despite that knowledge, despite his crimes, and despite the trouble, the betrayal, the physical assault made against him, the attempted manipulations, and Aunt May...despite all of it, Peter chose kindness. He chose to look after Otto.

Otto: I should have known you'd turn on me, just like all the others.

Peter: Turn? Turn? I worshipped you! Your mind...your conscience, wanting to help others...the way you never gave up!

Otto: That's because men like us have a duty. A responsibility. To use our talents in the service of others. Even if they don't appreciate it...we have to do what's best for those beneath us. Whether they understand it or not.

Peter: No. You're wrong. You were everything I wanted to be! You just...threw it away!

Otto: Yes, of course. You're right, Peter. I see that now. The neural interface affected my mind. But I can fix it. We can fix it...together. If you'll help me.

Peter: I'll do everything I can. I'll make sure you get the best help.

Otto: No! If they put me away, they'll take my arms! I'll be trapped in this *useless* body! Please, Peter.

Otto: That...wasn't me. You said...you'd never abandon me, you promised, remember? And, of course, you'll rest easy knowing your secret is safe with me.

Peter: You do what you think is best, Doc. It's all any of us can.

Otto: Peter-?

Peter: Even when it hurts like hell.

Otto: Peter? Where are you going? Peter? PETER!!

This whole bit shows Otto trying different tactics but at his core he's scared of being vulnerable, of not having his arms. I'm not sure if Otto came back for a few moments or not. However, I am sure that when he began to agree with Peter, telling him he was right, and trying to show that they're similar, and subtly said that they're superior to everyone else...that was definitely manipulative in nature.

Does he still care for Peter in some capacity? Honestly, it is difficult to tell, it was left ambiguous. I personally hope that somewhere deep down Otto does still care for Peter. He did tell him that he saw him as a son, but whether or not that was also manipulation or partially true idk. I hope we get to have a scene of him regarding Peter in the sequel, or a mention of him at least. I mean, Peter lost two people he loved in one day and both were very traumatising. Hopefully, it won't be swept under the rug completely.

[thornquillthefiendish]

oohh how bout,,

ashfur for the opinion thing?

We’re starting with a b i g one for me. Since you like this dood (which is perfectly fine!) I wanna be nicer than I usually am about him as to not seem like a huge dickhead- (sorry if I still do I’m just another dumbass on the internet man)

Sexuality headcanon

bisexual

Gender/pronouns headcanon

Cis male he/him/they

Rate them out of ten

God that’s hard. On a writing standard 7/10 he’s probably one of the most consistently written characters in the books. Based on how much I like him (not as a villain just in general) 2/10

Favorite thing about them

Best villain in the series hands down. I’m sorry nobody else comes close in what ashfur makes me feel when he’s on screen/in the pages and it’s this intense unease and distaste that comes from his actions and character and not poor writing which. I’m not sure how they did it??? He’s a great villain and genuinely intimidating later on. I’m constantly brought back to thinking about him while rewriting because of how interesting he is, how honestly? Good he is as an antagonist. Like, I show off my hawkfrost love a lot, but I think he is overshadowed by hawkfrost when they’re out side by side. Hawk did some shit — but, ashfur was harboring the manipulative tactics to make all of the clans run amok trying to figure something out. Let’s be honest, ashfur was the better antagonist of the two.

Least favorite thing about him

I’m sorry it’s the whole guy he’s not a good guy he’s. He’s too foul. Ashfur is a character who if he were a protagonist you wouldn’t like being in his shoes, but you cannot lie and say it wasn’t interesting or pulling to be there.

Why I first started liking/disliking them

Ohhhh boy. Ok so. To keep this kind of short, I used to be a really big ashfur fan, but it stopped around 14 and around 15-16, I was getting back into the books and kinda having wisened up a little rereading ashfur was. Idk it was unnerving especially after being able to clearly look at my own experiences. I think it definitely hits different because I was really interested in ashfur when I was younger, now I feel like slight tinges of annoyance when thinking of him — clarity wise this is just me, he’s a cat in a fictional series of books and I definitely get why people still like him! It’s just this weird case of — I don’t hold any sympathy for his character nor any like, I think he’s interesting and I try to detach my own biases while working on rewrite stuff with him, but tbh? A double death well deserved.

Do I relate/project onto/kin them?

Nope.

Favorite quote/moment

The utterly terrifying moment where he drags squirrelflight to fucking hell what the fuck

My fav ship

Hawkash

My fav platonic friendship

I can’t see him with many friends tbh…idk, maybe Cloudtail, but he is his brother-

A ship I hate

Legit hate? Ashsquirrel it freaks me out

Funny hate? Hawkash I’ve got a love hate relationship with it for reasons previously stated (hawkfrost deserves a better boyfriend, but he has shit taste in men)

Do I prefer canon or fanon?

Tbh, canon? I guess when compared to most fandom rep that is. Personally I’ve never really loved emo ashfur. I’ve made him up in my head (so I guess my version of fanon) to be vindictive of course, but a lot more adept in planning a course of action while also remaining solidly unhinged. I kinda like the idea that he was kind of a well regarded warrior at the time, I like the idea that he was notably muscular - I like how on the surface he might’ve been nice, but underneath it all he was dangerous it was just nobody ever considered he could do harm because he’s ashfur, of course he couldn’t, we know ashfur. I like how up front you can see signs of how this can go wrong, but you ignore it for whatever reason, and then it does go wrong. Makes him a bit more real as an antagonist.

Random headcanon

Ashfur has a control problem, largely the reason he can’t let squirrelflight go. He doesn’t want to give her up, he doesn’t want to lose - he cannot lose, he won’t let himself.

What color do I picture them as?

Desaturated, muddy blue

Cat breed headcanon

Oriental likely? I’m not fully sure — likely a breed with a really defined face

Unpopular opinion

Likely that ashfurs the best written villain, but also. Out of all of them the most pathetic, but? Most intimidating. Because he got more done than half of our villains because of an obsessive fixation over his ex. Tigerstar should be rolling in his grave.

Things I associate with them

Leeches, every sad love song/breakup song at one point has reminded me of him, Dennis from always sunny (they are. The same person), there’s a lot of different poetic esc imagery that makes me think of him, but if I had to think of something really poetic and jazz I’d say the story of Apollo and Daphne, whom Apollo, by Eros was struck with such an insatiable desire for while in turn, Daphne had grown disgusted with romance. He’d chase her until Daphne, too tired, pleaded for her father to help her, and thus he turned her into a laurel tree. Even in this form, though, Apollo never halted, decorating himself in laurels and proclaiming them his icon.

Song I associate with them

Welcome Home by Coheed and Cambria. I actually have a smol playlist for him that helps when I’m writing for him.

Favorite MAP/PMV/AMV with them

The Rory map (the part where he’s screaming is perfect)

[tokkiyuna-rabbit]

Honestly I kind of think you may have gotten it worse than most people given the length of time you were together. If anything, it sounds like they really honed the manipulation tactics and threats on you, because some of those lines they used were clearly practiced on someone, but I'm not going to press on that. They are kind of hanging out in a Tumblr equivalent from their own country at the moment for the most part (they behave themselves there so I've been told), so I don't think it would be a good idea to try and start anything either, although one of their friends has tried to do so a few weeks ago, but that did not go anywhere.

In hindsight I think they were really just xenophobic and weirdly ablest towards people they thought had ADHD/Autism/anything else in general (the main targets, which they told me for some reason???), and could not handle that people outside of their nationality had different thoughts and schedules. I think most of us are just done with them and it is really just the healing process left, but it really does hurt and stick in your mind, I'm not downplaying that.

Otherwise, with the other comments no, that's also just me being bad at wording things because I can't convey things all that well.

I honestly thought it would be a nice thing to say because it kind of shows that we would be respecting your wishes if you were still experimenting and working around with what you wanted, but I can see now how that could sound bad. I don't always see how words could be seen another way, so I'm really sorry!

I don't think it sounds childish at all? Lots of people here delete things because they don't like it anymore or lost interest, or wanted to do it another way. It's not weird at all, lots of people do it, especially when they want to make changes.

One final note on the "ex-friend":

Perhaps I was not as unharmed as I thought I was... considering I blocked them in early December 2023 and unblock them in January 2024 and remained their friend until Feburary 2024... though I was only in contact for 3 months.

Haha, I was so desperate for friends at the time. And my dumbass thought I could overlook what they did. I was too nice. Maybe... that's why they tried so desperately to get me to go back to them. Since I did go back once. I was so dumb.

Oh and I did admit to them about my autism. And I would have to agree with you. They straight up ignored me when I told them to stop asking me to show more emotions. Like, bruh, I told them that expressing emotions is a weakness unless it is a very strong emotion. They got what they wanted... but not in the way they wanted lmao. It's funny how much they wanted me to express happiness yet they only got fear from me :D

Now, I don't inform others of my conditions because I am too scared they would pretend to accept me only to find it as a flaw instead.

Onto the second half of the message:

I do want to apologize if I made it seem like what you said was negative. It was obviously made in good faith and I knew you meant good. But, I am just a negative person so I just ended up reading it in the wrong way. I am sorry if you felt hurt from my own comments as well. I finally understand what you meant and it feels nice that there are those who are letting me explore a bit. I used the term "childish" since it was first word to pop up in my head and it was a word that I thought of myself.

So far, I have enjoyed just consuming content instead of creating it. So, that is what I will be doing for a bit until I can get my creativity energy back. Since I am having an art block. I want to try Xiaohongshu, but I cannot access their app and idk if I want to make an account with WeChat to access it.

[sehodreamsthoughts]

omg okay i’m all over the place baby but i was helping a customer tn and he was being nice (most of our customers are horrible people) and when he left he called me ‘dear’ and because my brain is broken i immediately thought that’s so eunseok, fuma, kun coded pls🤭🤭 idk i was blushing hehe i hate when men talk to me normally but i just thought i was kinda cute cuz it sounded sincere<3

but ummmmm loser incel mark.. like.. running a podcast for like sigma males lmfaooo but maybe he does it under the guise of it being a dialogue on being a man.. on feminism, if u know what i mean? like he’s like im just talking about it type of shit like oh he’s such a deep thinker🤕🤕 so he gets a lot of girls that way,,, and i imagine he runs this podcast directly with or with collaboration from jaehyun, jungwoo, haechan, jeno.. type of idols.. i can also imagine idols from other groups to but hear me out !!!!

so they probably wouldn’t advertise this.. but they’d probably make some type of bet on how many girls mark could bed using sigma male methods or smth stupid like that, basically just how many girls can he fuck in like a week or smth… and that’s kind of where i get lost.. but we’ve got some choices. a) innocent, virgin!reader who falls into his trap, b) reader who is known for being easy but she doesn’t fall for his stupid tactics… at least at first or.. a secret third thing idk yet i’m not being very creative

- 🥟 anon

Oh I know that feeling 😭🩷 I'm happy that at least you had nice customer today honey!!

Okay that podcast sounds like something funny tho, I honestly have no idea what sigma males are, but I can see them all with glasses trying to pretend they're intellectuals about real gender equity, disguising all their dumb thoughts with a nice voice that gets them a public just because they sound hot and are slightly eloquent (on podcasts) but everything they say it's pure bullshit 😭

I like your options but of course those two would have different results, a)reader would sadly be manipulated by incel!mark, he'd gaslight her so bad into thinking everything he does it's actually normal, or that she's exaggerating all the time, like why do you need to see my phone? She's just a team member, and you've met her so many times, how could you distrust your own sex? Making her think oh yeah maybe I'm exaggerating when SHE'S NOT. He'd push her limits a lot too, all the time with that pretty face, pushing back his glasses between kisses telling her to lift her skirt for him, and if she says she's not sure, he'd be like Don't you trust me? Me? The one who's always been there for you? The one who holds your hand when you feel sad, the one who helps you when you have problems and the one who gives you everything?

He's a total manipulator 😭, he'd never make her pay half the bill only because he wants her in exchange. Oh, and he probably would convince her that she's dumb too when she's having a hard time in school, and that if it wasn't for him, she would be nothing.

In case of b)reader I think he'd be so awkward all the time, trying to show off his knowledge in different topics but reader immediately recognizing what he's trying to do, the obvious mansplaining, his always condescending tone, even how he has a slight tic on the eye and his hands can't never stay still when he talks, how easily he loses his composure and he's simply so fucking pathetic that she can't help but find him funny, so she keeps acting dumb only to see what else is he doing next, a date in which he tells her that she should pay her part and not being able to follow even the shallowest topic she brings to not let the silence become as uncomfortable as him.

I have no idea how the third reader could be, but maybe she just met him on tinder hoping to have a great date and seeing everything go TO HELL while being with him in person, not wanting to go to his house but only accepting because she's too fucking horny and wants some dick, and the sex would be lame as fuck at first but then it'd become aggressive from both of them, she scratching him hard and he using a bit too much strength while choking her, it'd be hate sex to the max 😭

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

you can't just give me "the trickster has a Ghostface mask" and "the trickster saw traps people" because I WILL make him do both of these things and it WILL be so fun the whole time . god. yeah he's so fucking fun to think abt bc it's so easy to justify why he'd do stuff that doesn't make a whole lot of tactical sense. HES NOT TACTICAL. he's not manipulative!!! it was EXTREMELY HARD for him to be patient enough to get Ashe to even trust him in the first place, and the only reason THAT even worked in such a comparatively short amount of time was bc ashe has been so completely isolated for such a huge chunk of his life he didn't understand that's what was happening !!!!!!! GOD they make me insane. anyway pointing back to tags I made on the original muse fic "hey mac why would the trickster literally invite the city's most powerful child soldiers directly to where he's hiding with their best friend isn't that a bad idea" YES. OF COURSE IT IS. BUT HE WANTS TO GLOAT HE WANTS TO BE PETULANT AND CHILDISH AND BE LIKE..FINDERS KEEPERS !!!!!!! ohhh the crux of his character to me is that he's so. silly and childish and unserious and lax in responsibility and those things combined with his powers are EXACTLY what make him so fucking scary ‼️‼️‼️

anyway yeah muse holy shit every direct interaction they have is so completely coated in The Ick and it's so fucking good. thank u for making the sleepover comparison that's EXACTLY what I've been imagining. fuckign. the parallel to Ashe's Real Friends. ashe would sit on the floor while dakota sat behind him on the couch playing with his hair. muse sits in a chair while trickster stands behind him putting his hair in all these fancy braids and just. giggling meaningless gossip like they're teenage girls. AND HE DOESNT EVEN HAVE TOOOOOO. GOD. HE COULD JUST MAKE MUSE DO IT HIMSELF. THERES NO REASON FOR HIM TO EVEN BE IN THE ROOM OTHER THAN FOR HIS OWN . AMUSEMENT I GUESS. EEUGHGH I hate his ass .

I've been. as scary as this is. I've been imagining tricksters powers working almost like Taylor's in the sense that he can multitask to a wild level and also sometimes see/experience things through his puppets. I think he'd be WAYYY more limited than taylor- he can only consciously directly control a smallish number at a time; he can create as many puppets as he wants but it mostly becomes a "give an order to a crowd and they'll carry it out" and he only has a select few that he DIREXTLY controls. and he can choose to kind of experience things through one at a time . I don't know where I was going with this I just wanted to talk abt his powers a little bit I think.

ok I need to fucking talk about your tags now because oh my GOD somehow I've only ever imagined ashe having his lucid moments like. on the battlefield or in the middle of a really dramatic moment or whatever. but holy shit this is so much worse. he has them when it's quiet. do you think he ever has one while he's being used as like.. a silent bodyguard or whatever for trickster while he's..idk making a show of power or meeting with another villain or whatever. and all muse has to do is stand there and look pretty and be. part of the show of power until trickster tells him to do something . and in the middle of that ashe kind of wakes up and has this moment of panic like "oh god oh fuck I can't be here im so fucking scared but I can't move I can't let him know I'm any different" and it's just this terrifying scene of "oh no what if he knows" before trickster eventually like. snaps his fingers or whatever and his power snaps back on . nothing comes of it but it's one of those things ashe Remembers bc I do think he remembers most of his lucid moments. aaaouugjhhb fuck oh fuck oh shit. nightmare nightmare nightmare!!!!!! don't even get me fuckign started on post-muse ashe and his trauma responses to basically every shred of comfort he could possibly receive. god. I can't even add anything to that it's just so good. once again virion sol is everyone's rock!!!!!!!

oh you wanna think about muse and trickster? yeah? it's been a while since I put a heartbreaking nhw post in your inbox <3 I know u love the prime dehumanization loss of bodily autonomy defenders. << im not even remotely trying to keep the acronym the same anymore. I've lost the plot. ANYWAY

briefly mentioned this before but because I loooove the aesthetic so much I think at least one important muse confrontation should happen in the tricksters city, specifically in the amusement park. make it like a fuckign scooby door episode everything is all abandoned and run down but as the wards are walking down a boardwalk or something all the lights flicker on and some distorted fuckign. carnival music starts playing and they find muse sitting in like. the rebar scaffolding or whatever in the ferris wheel. just like grinning chin in hands kicking his feet watching them. this image is so clear in my mind. some creep shit !!!! also its like when they first go to the spirit world to get tide back from.mal and end up in the amusement park. except ashe isn't with them this time

uhhhhhh also thinking about. downtime. when muse isn't out being destructive and causing chaos for funsies. like... does he have a bedroom????? does he eat does he sleep??? idfk !!!! I would assume he has to or else he'd fucking die but !!!! man the trickster is so far gone I don't think he even realizes his puppets are real people anymore. that's a fun little doll for him to play dressup with. literally never going 2 get the image of him braiding muses hair and like. putting makeup on him and dressing him in fancy little outfits out of my mind. making myself ILL. smile! good evening I'm gently placing the knife box in your in. << as I was going to type inbox I accidentally typed out inventory. yknow what I'm keeping it. knife box directly into your inventory. watch out they're RUSTY

GOD. THANKS FOR THE KNIFE BOX MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! knife box directly in my inventory!!! u know what this means is that now i can use them :3 <- has been drawing wards stuff abt this for the past two hours ^_^

this is so fucking good though yeahhh.... i love creepy carnival shit so much. he trickster probably Knows it's very over the top and horror movie creepy and just a little absurd. he's so fucking fun 2 think abt since he's literally always doing shit simply because it is funny to him. we can swing a trickster justification for anything probably. i bet he fucking saw traps people!! anyway. ashe isn't with them this time. except..... well. he kind of is. :(

I HAVE ALSO BEEN THINKING ABT DOWNTIME. FREQUENTLY. i guess. the answer to this is he lives however the trickster&co does. the image of him coming back in his fancy intricate little outfits to some disgusting nasty bloody industrial warehouse where they're posted up & always being this very jarring contrast to the gore and violence is really good. the image of him having a perfect doll bedroom and going through a fancy little routine half the nights when the trickster is in a good mood or feeling it & just. getting thrown on the bed & the door locked to pass out for a couple hours whenever he forgets or is busy is also really good. literally anything we do to muse makes me feel some kind of way man. i also have had the extremely vivid image of the trickster braiding his hair & chatting about all kinds of horrific things excited sleepover style to muse who is just. Visibly Not There in my head for so long. not even like he has to touch him, he could be making him do all these things for himself! he's literally controlling him! he just does it for fun!!!

anyway i think post-muse ashe should get to freak out very badly in a multitude of ways whenever anybody touches his hair. like i think he's touch-adverse in general (& miserable about it because he's also so touchstarved & his brain simply whites out in distress anytime anyone touches him because. literally the only person doing that was the trickster!!!!) but i think specifically his hair being messed with is a bad trigger for him. makes him freeze up n go nonverbal for hours. dakota knows that he's jumpy about touch but he still wants to do something for him & before the everything he loved them playing with his hair (its so long!! wibby & dakota think its so pretty!! virion's the only one who knows how to braid it because of his mom!! ashe melts into a puddle over it every time because nobody's ever done that for him before!) so he goes to just run fingers through it & ashe just. fullbody locks up and goes weird and still and silent & doesn't protest or fight back when dakota shakes his shoulder or smth and his eyes are distant and sort of dark and empty like virion's were most of the time when they first met him... maybe he wants to cut it a little bit just because he hates that it's been covered in The Ooze and he can't do anything with it without thinking about how the trickster would do the same thing but also he hates the idea of getting rid of the one thing abt himself that he really likes & is a little connection with both of his parents because of the trickster also, when he's already taken so much from him. (it does have to get gross and tangled and matted because he refuses to put it back or do anything to it for a while though. maybe virion helps him sort it out & it's slow and painstaking and miserable for both of them and they both feel better at the end of it.)

[crazilust]

Astro notes (3)

Hello, I’m back with a third astro notes. Please disregard anything that doesn’t make you feel good, remember these are just personal observations <3

———————————

* Virgos really are a mess. They will do their best to keep the organized, put together persona, but the mess they’re going through behind closed doors is actually so intense. Whenever I get close to a Virgo, I’m a little shook tbh.

* Kinda unrelated to my normal content, but I really wonder how Dream (the youtuber) is handling the constant attacks to his physical appearance being a Leo and such. He kinda seems unfazed and keeps posting pics of him and videos, but idk. I’m curious how he’s handling it privately.

* I really do love me a fire x earth sign combo. Wether it’s friendship or relationship, I find them so energetic and chaotic lmao. Now, I’m gonna be honest I do think as a friendship, it works better. I also think each person has to have a varied chart in order to work. Someone with too much earth won’t really tolerate the intensity of the fire sign, and vice versa.

* Aries are not only trend setters, most of the time they are the ones to break generational traumas, mindset or traditions. They really, truly, do not give a fuck about what’s been done in the past or “what’s the right way to do this”. Lady Gaga, I believe, is the personification of that. On a personal level, it can definitely get annoying to deal with an Aries, but once you understand that they act that way because they’re trying to better themselves and by extension the world around them, it gets easier.

* Capricorns really fascinate me. I know the stereotypes around Caps is that they’re hardworking, focused on money, overly serious etc. I think part of it is true, but I think it depends on when you do meet them. If it’s before their Saturn return, you might actually meet a version of them that is actually struggling, quite immature, bad with money and overall disorganized. Remember, Saturn is severe and harsh. He doesn’t make it easy for its natives and I think it kind of explains why in the beginning of their lives, Caps are so all over the place. They get it together at one point though, and some become the stereotypical Capricorn.

* Also, on Capricorn, I’ve noticed they don’t really like when people mention their past selves. I mean, no one does, but with Caps it seems even more severe. It’s like they’re trying their hardest to dissociate from that past self that didn’t meet their ideals. I know a lot of Capricorn that even go by different names than their younger self. Crazy.

* Each element has their strength. Fire signs, it’s their will. Air signs, their intellect. Water signs, their emotions. Earth signs, their consistency. In the same vein, that same strength can quickly turn into their worst flaw. Fire signs can get really egotistical when trying to reach their goals. Air signs have a tendency to be condescending and mock others for their emotional reactions. Water signs can use emotional manipulation tactics to get what they want. Earth signs can get often stuck in their ways, no matter how toxic or unhealthy it may be.

* Cancer in 12th makes you despise your emotions, even when you rationally know that “it’s okay to feel that way”. Most often than not, they project that hatred/disdain towards other people and can’t tolerate really emotional people.

* We have to stop thinking that only earth signs and the sign of Leo is an indicator of fame. Sure, they can be indicator, but I do believe that we disregard the many types and layers of fame. Also, the way celebrities will interact with their fanbase and how they’re remembered is important. I truly believe every sign can be famous, but it won’t manifest the same. Is it easier for some signs? Sure. But every sign, using their strength could achieve it.

* Talking about fame. If you really want to achieve it, I think it’d be interesting to use your MC, North node, Mercury, Venus and Rising sign to achieve it. By checking in with your Moon sign needs, you could then regulate the right path for you. Some people truly don’t mind using drama to create traction even if it means hate, while some people could not tolerate it. Anyways, I’ll do a whole other post about it.

———-——————-—————————-

So yea! That’s my comeback y’all. Lmao I’m sorry, life’s been rough. That last retrograde tried to take me outtttt, I swear.

Dolly.

[justlarkin]

Can you make an analysis of Fuxi’s character so he can be understood? Some hate him because of the doxxing but I know he’s different from the other WRs. Now that I know his reasons calling him a siscon seems wrong…

Idk why but my brain completely blanked out when you asked this. Okay, so I have mentioned a lot of this before, but I'll go ahead and give you the full run-down.

-With the main two misconceptions about him: 1) No. It has never been mentioned or implied that he was abusive towards his sister and they didn't have a sexual/romantic relationship nor did he want that type of relationship with her. Fuxi literally hasn't even flirted with MC yet, he's not into it. He's just a weird dude who dotes on his sister too much. That's it. 2) Fuxi isn't the one who doxxed MC. It was the other Invaders like Masanori, Perun, and Volkh who did it. BUT Fuxi was aware that they were going to do it and let it happen because it'd be convenient for him, which was a shitty thing to do. 'Kay? 'Kay.

-Personality: Fuxi comes off as a kind, well-mannered gentleman, but he is mostly apathetic and a bit manipulative. Fuxi has become indifferent to everything due to his future telling ability and the repetitive destruction of Penglai, so he doesn't particularly care for much. For example: Fuxi doesn't horde things such as wealth and he's indifferent towards the world and others. He can also be a bit of a manipulator because he knows exactly what to say to convince others to do what he wants. When it comes to his sister he genuinely loves them and is overprotective of them. It isn't some weird manipulation tactic, his feelings are genuine. Even if he did try to mess with MC/Nüwa, it wouldn't work because they can easily see through him. Fuxi's more petty and immature side also comes out when it comes to them since he's not afraid to do dumb shit for their attention and affection.

-Nüwa: Fuxi and Nüwa were the only survivors every time the world was destroyed, so Nüwa could be considered the most stable thing in his life. Even if the world ended and everyone else died, he could rely on Nüwa to be with him. Fuxi dedicated himself to protecting his sister, even going as far as viewing it as his only purpose in life. When it comes to Fuxi's boredom and indifference towards the world, Nüwa was the only exception. She was the only one Fuxi could never predict or understand and she was the only one who moved his heart. Nothing else really interested him, so Fuxi kinda just made Nüwa his hyperfixation. Unfortunately though, Fuxi's apathy made him view everything Nüwa did as pointless and caused him to develop the tendency to wait around and watch things happen before swooping in last minute, which Nüwa disliked about him. As mentioned before, Nüwa knew that Fuxi was looking down on her, so she did the same to him and eventually left Penglai.

-Siscon: His obsessive siscon trait is often written off as a joke, but Fuxi is like that because he's legitimately mentally unwell. That's not an exaggeration or joke. After losing Nüwa, the only one he loved and his only purpose in living, Fuxi became increasingly unstable. On top of that, Tokyo and the loops made all of the world representatives more unstable in general and they all began to indulge in their worse traits. So he was already going through it and Tokyo made him 12x worse when he got there. I'm sure he already had siscon tendencies when Nüwa was there, but he went completely off the wall by the time we were introduced to him.

Anyways, I think Fuxi is just a flawed man who is capable of both good and bad things, but I admire his dedication and love towards his sister… even though he's weird about it. Plus he's really fuckin goofy and that's funny.

[fuckmeupjackson]

this is mike getting vecna'd-- foreshadowing i know it

i know someone else has most probably spotted this before, but I just noticed this a while back and haven't seen a post on it so here it is. Choking is a common imagery this season/throughout the seasons so that's what sparked this connection in my head. Sorry if this has been said before i just posted this cause haven't seen it posted.

Argyle's Arm = The Vine

El = Vecna

Pizza = Vecna's Hand lol

Mike = Max // which makes since given how much they've paralelled each other this season.

Plus Max looks through the "window" of Vecna's mind and immediately sees a memory of Lucas. This = Will watching thru the window.

u can just imagine will saying "but I'm right here" in his head. man.

Not to mention there is a blue + yellow box right in front of El in the frame; Since El is the person doing the "vecna-ing" here, what it means is the union of Mike and Will through Byler (represented by blue + yellow coming together) is what's scaring Mike the most, it's his monster, it's Mike's inner fear and shame (that Vecna would love so much to prey on), it's what Mike does not want to try, just like the pizza. Haha good job, self, you got that one *pats self on the back*. Oh, and you know what? Since it's kind of in Will's line of sight, I think it shows that the idea of Byler is Will's "monster" too. The thoughts of his love for Mike probably haunt him at night just much as Mike's love for Will haunt Mike, but for different reasons. For Mike it's his fear of being queer and for Will it's a little more about the devastating feeling that he'll never be loved back by Mike.

Oh damn and also the lights right in front of Will are off, the ones that are separating the two of them. Probably maybe symbolizing how Will is being left in the dark, Mike is ignoring the light that Will provides for him? The light is dead because Will thinks he lost Mike. And the blinds are closed and a dark shade of grey, showing just how "blinded" mike is being in the scene.

OR WHO KNOWS maybe Mike looked at Will when the shot moved away from him, the directors just don't want us to know.

Now 1 more thing, TBH, i don't actually think it's positive that Vecna will be "Vecna-ing" people in season 5 in the exact same fashion he is in season 4. Maybe that's a hot take idk lmao. He changes his tactic every season, and I just know whatever new strategy he chooses will be very different because 1. he has to come back from the dead with a new body and 2. he needs to use a tactic that brings him closer to Will/El than ever before. Closer to their minds probably. But that doesn't mean he won't be use his mind-manipulation strategies on Mike at some point, i think he will, or at least Mike's struggles would somehow reveal his love for Will.

---------

Sooo basically this parallel I've posted here COULD be foreshadowing a Vecna scene just like Max's to come for Mike s5, OR this parallel could actually just be a signal to the viewer, like symbolic imagery, that Mike is hiding just as much, if not more, than Max as of season FOUR, and he's going to have to face the consequences just like she has so far. He's going to have to let the truth show in one way or another, regardless of how. If anything this shows Mike is actually falling behind Max in her journey of revealing the truth:

--Max's internal conflict has been revealed to the audience; Mike's has not.

--Max actually looked through the window while being vecna'd, and she heard Lucas, but Mike didn't even look at Will through the window while being pseudo-vecna'd.

--That combined with all Mike's sunglasses/black-out glasses [which happened RIGHT before this scene in the pizza shop] imagery is a yikes lol. He can't see his truth. Gawd poor boy is in trouble. Alexa, play Blind by SZA please.

[ilikekidsshows]

I actually really like Alix, so, here's my question: in your opinion, if she weren't to get the Rabbit, what other Miraculous would she be best suited for?

And Idk if this is cheating or not lol, but I could potentially seeing a Cat!Alix working out.

Hey, Anon, have you seen my “let’s swap ALL the season 3 Miraculouses” post? Because I totally gave Alix the Black Cat in that.

Once we actually really dig into how time travel has been depicted in Miraculous, it actually does make sense that Alix would be paired with the Rabbit version and not the Snake version. The simple rub of it is that the Rabbit is both strategic and tactical while the Snake is mainly strategic. With the Rabbit Miraculous, you can get a sneak peek into what has gone on, is going on, or can go on. This information provides the resources that are used to make calls on how to respond to those things seen and solve potential timeline problems. To counter a problem with Cat Noir's emotional state, send in Ladybug, who’s a focal point of his emotional well-being. It’s a sound strategic move, although sending in Ladybug who was blind to everything that had gone down was also a bold move. The Miraculous can also be used to create what is basically teleportation on a battlefield (as seen in ‘Time Tagger’), using different time periods as points to create a turn that delivers you to the exact time you left from, but in a different location, emphasizing tactical combat where you manipulate your own location to try to catch your opponent off guard. Meanwhile, with the Snake Miraculous you usually have a specific goal and then use time loops to learn everything you can about the factors in a given situation to come up with a specific sequence of events that leads to the conclusion you want.

So, from what we’ve seen from Alix so far, she’s strategic and tactical but bold, she can create plans with a long term conclusion in mind and she can consider the different angles of events to try to match them as they occur but she’s also bold enough to try unconventional solutions to problems. Even as she had no idea how the Cat Blanc timeline came to be, she sent in Marinette to deal with the Akuma while she checked over the sequence of events. Giving Marinette such a small part of the puzzle was the only way to make sure that nothing about the events of that episode would be relevant to the timeline, but it did delegate Marinette into merely a cog in the machine. Bunnyx is actually pretty similar to Sailor Pluto from Sailor Moon in how she deals with the timeline; she clearly cares about her friends, but she will push them away for the sake of the timeline. This is likely something she learned through having the Miraculous for a while, since her care for her friends is more blatant and passionate in episodes like 'Reverser'.

Tactical and bold yet kind, these are the traits I’ve previously stated that make Adrien the perfect Black Cat holder. Alix is a bit more cynical than Adrien, so her kindness is more hidden, but she definitely has a lot of similar attributes to the confirmed perfect Black Cat holder. She’s a very strong candidate for the Miraculous due to that. Her fighting style with her parasol can also be translated into fighting with a baton. She’s clearly comfortable with using a bludgeoning weapon and getting up close and personal with opponents in fights. Her battle style as Bunnyx also emphasizes speed, and the Black Cat Miraculous does lend itself to fast movements as well.

Based on these traits, Alix could also make use of the other close range Miraculouses, especially ones that focus on speedy takedowns. As such, I’d suggest the Tiger over the Ox, for example. Alix has a lot of the same traits as Roaar, since she’s outspoken, confident and self-assured, so she’d suit the Miraculous well. Of course this also means that there isn’t much she can learn from wielding it. One that might work out but might also be a bad fit is the Dragon. The Dragon is another Miraculous that focuses on close combat, but one that also has a selection of special powers that require planning to get the best out of, much like the Burrow technique of the Rabbit. However, Longg is normally matched with the soft-spoken and focused Kagami, so Alix’s personality might not mesh well with Longg’s.

[trueishcolours]

I'm on the same wavelength with Kim. Like...what he's doing with Porchay just rubs me the wrong way in a way nothing else in the show has so far. Maybe because (like you said) it's the closest of the situations to reality--a teacher crossing some serious lines. I find his character so interesting because I don't like him. Like, Kim's actions have sincerely not put me on his side as a person. Everything this man does is eithr suspicious, or makes me mad because he's being dismissive of or outright emotionally manipulating Porchay who has CLEARLY fallen for him and KIM KNOWS IT.

That said I also want to see more between Korn and Kim because they seem to have the most...like. adult isn't the right word, but their relationship rings the most of "this is a father and his adult son interacting." Idk I just kind of really like how they've portrayed the father-son relationships in this show because honestly, I really expected Mr. Korn to be that classic "tough love" mafia type character and he is, but he clearly cares about and loves his children and I like that.

Also Vegas needs to stay in his lane. He is doing everything he can to drive a wedge into the whole major family and he keeps actually succeeding (although it's a one-step-forward-two-steps-back kind of success). I'm actually kind of eager to see Vegas and Kim interact only because we haven't seen it before and they seem to have relatively similar approaches (although different goals) with Porsche and Porchay. Kim does not seem to actively share any of the same issues the rest of his family seems to have with the minor family (that we've seen so far) and that's just interesting. But anyways Vegas. He's. Just. Every time I see him I'm like "oh what now?!" And he's changed tactics every time. Every time he has a new and different plan.

Idk how much you are interested in/pay attention to costumes but it has been interesting to see Kinn's color palette change throughout the show especially in conjunction with Vegas, who we almost always see in red. Kinn started out in a lot of red (his pajamas, the first suit we see him in) but now he seems to be dressed in a significant amount of blue (like him and Porsche's first date WHICH WAS SO CUTE BTW).

Anyway I hope this all made sense. I just finished episode 8 and I'm mad I have to wait a whole week for the next episode.

Once again, I am so delighted that my fanfic got you into this whole show!

I think what's so frustrating about Kim as a character is that he could so easily adjust his behaviour to be more convincing, but doesn't. Like, as a private tutor, teaching at your student's house is actually acceptable. Just give them some notice first! You can probably borrow an adult student's phone in an emergency - but not five minutes into a lesson when you're supposed to be teaching! Please be a bit more sneaky bro.

I think you're dead on about his relationship with Korn seeming more adult-child-and-parent than the other two, though. He really does give the vibe of the kid who's moved out and is living life on his own terms, and whose parent has come to see him as an adult.

But if Vegas stayed in his lane, there wouldn't be a plot :(.

I don't personally tend to pay much attention to costume, but now you've pointed it out I can definitely see it, and I think it's a great point! Kim really does just step into Porsche's style for ep. 8, both in terms of colour palette and in terms of the more informal cut of his clothes. I think for this episode, he's trying to step into an idealised version of Porsche's world, where before Porsche has been violently dragged into his. But I think they both know it can't last. Life is going to come and get them.

Anyway if you want more of my thoughts I wrote a very long post on how characters signal status in KinnPorsche.

[xiu21chen99]

hxh headcanon/imagine.

again... still about hisoillu but about their engagement instead of illu's influenced fashion choice.

also this is more of... idk it gave reason why they chose to marry instead of uh other ways i guess??

i've seen so many fanarts where illu would break the news to the zoldycks or how killu would react to having hisoka as his brother in law- like srsly it's meme worthy at this point- and lotsa ones that showed how hisoka proposed as a joke or smtg but... I've been overthinking abt it these past few days sO i present to you how i think "the big question aka the proposal" happened... (manga spoilers??)

it's after hisoka resurrected himself obviously, and def after he killed kortopi and shalnark (so he knew there was gonna be empty slots in the spiders' lineup)

i imagine illu went back to the zoldyck estate after the whole fiasco and only heard of hisoka's "death" from rumors while he was on a mission

and then when he was idk maybe contemplating on whether or not he should visit the body(?) to pay respects or something, he gets a text message from the devil himself

their text went like this probably:

hisoka: hey~ where are you right now?♠️ (and no u can't tell me hisoka doesn't text w card suits u just can't-)

illumi: who are you and how did you get the phone you are currently using?

hisoka: ooh~ illu~ i feel betrayed, did you delete my number?♣️

illumi: hisoka is dead

hisoka: *image attached*

illumi: oh

illumi: hello hisoka, how are you still alive?

hisoka: you sound disappointed~♦️

illumi: i kind of am...

hisoka: rude, just tell me where you are♥️

...and that's how they met up?? ngl i think illu has a know-it-all syndrome where he just has to,,, k n o w everything

he's curious so he agrees to the meetup ofc

he's also surprised when he sees hisoka is in good shape when they meet (idk at a bar in an unknown city?)

they drink whiskey on the rocks because... you know...

hisoka explains how he survived and his next plan of action (which is terminate the spiders)

illumi makes a mental note of nen after death bc he's heard and seen it all before but... not to this extent,

this is gonna be,,, bland but i think this is the logic behind why hisoka chose to get married/engaged instead of just paying up front (reference to the ten dons' commission to get chrollo killed and chrollo's commission to get the ten dons killed)--

anyways here's how their conversation goes:

i: "why did you want to talk in person?"

h: "oh y'know, for old times sake."

i: "...right"

hisoka laughs, "okay so maybe i want to ask you for a favor..?"

confused, illumi asks, "why could you not have just texted if you wanted me to kill someone for you?"

h: "no, no- wait, actually, you're not too far off."

i: ~mOrE cOnfUsiOn~ "huh?"

h: "how do contracts for assassination work in your... family business?"

i: "half the promised pay before, the remaining half afterwards. should the target be eliminated by a third party, the assigned zoldyck still gets the pay and should the employer die, then the contract is terminated and the zoldyck will report back immediately."

h: "and has anyone made a contract to have themselves terminated?"

i: "i beg your pardon?"

h: "what complications will arise should your employer's target be... themselves?"

i: "i believe... i have never encountered such circumstance before. the people who hire us are those who have enough money and resource to have their enemies killed quickly. no one's tried to test the zoldyck assassination prowess."

h: "so... how will that work?"

i: "are you implying this is the reason why you have contacted me today?"

h: "yes~ ♥️" (how he said a heart emoji out loud is up to you, reader)

i: "it will be a pointless paradox. logically, the zoldyck will only get the employment bill. and i, myself, do not find pleasure in going for the kill like you lest i get my reward, so you will not get a contract out of me, hisoka."

h: "is there no leeway?"

i: "a zoldyck stands up to their word. so no."

h: "even for a friend?~ ♦️"

i: "we are not friends, hisoka-"

hisoka raises his glass of whiskey along with his eyebrow.

i: "oh..."

h: "didn't you tell dear killua that a zoldyck didn't need friends?"

i: "you... are an associate, someone reliable in the killing world. it's different."

h: "hypocrite"

i: "i ask you for favors and you make me return them. it is not like we spend our time together leisurely like killu with that island boy..."

hisoka clinks their matching glasses of whiskey even though his is already empty, a shit-eating grin on his lips.

i: "you suggested we meet here."

h: "this isn't the first time we went out to drink, right illu?"

i: "regardless!! i will not kill you just for half the money. i do not like wasting efforts on fruitless missions."

h: "as i said, is there no exception, to make sure you get my money if you were to succeed in killing me?"

i: "are you doubting my skill, hisoka?"

h: "that's not the point right now~ ♠️"

i: "wait, why do you want me to get all of your money?"

h: "haven't we just gotten over this subject? because you're my friend, of course."

i: "i... we are not friends, hisoka."

hisoka claps, "that's it! illumi!! ♣️"

i: "eh?"

h: "marry me! that way in our prenup I'll make sure you get all of my money, and even without a prenup you'll still get it since you'll be my only relative! that solves it!"

i: "hisoka, are you sure death did not took a toll on your brain? you did say you used Bungee Gum only on your heart and lungs..."

h: "i'm being serious, illumi!! and doesn't this solve your earlier conflict? we don't have to be friends, we'll be husbands!"

i: "do not use that tactic with me, you manipulative bastard. stop joking."

h: "this is purely beneficial for you, honestly i don't get why you just won't accept it."

i: "then humor me this first, why now?"

h: "dear illu, i've been to literal hell and back. i think it's time to leave my mark in case i fail to escape death again."

i: "was it that bad?"

h: "you'll love it there, illu~ ♥️"

h: "on a more serious note, though, i do plan to marry you. out of everyone i've encountered, you're the most eligible candidate. you're powerful, fully capable and extremely pretty to boot! you're the ideal husband!"

(blushing obviously, illumi downs the remaining whiskey in his glass) i: "death has changed you, hisoka."

h: "so?"

i: "fine."

h: "excellent!"

and in one fell swoop, illumi has a pin against the curve of hisoka's jugular, wrist held tightly by hisoka- a card matching against his own neck.

"not yet, dear husband." hisoka whispered into his ear, "we have to manage the papers first. and i've a request before you do."

they let each other go at the same time, not even breathing an unnecessary breath in the other's personal space (well, they're nearly pressed thigh to thigh anyways, what's the point of personal space anymore-)

"a condition rather than a request, really."

"what?" hisoka orders them refills, and downs his when it arrives.

"join the ryodan first."

glass already pressed on thin lips, illumi's confused hum resonates softly into the concave utensil. "why?"

"so things can get more interesting. i assume you know of the dark continent expedition that's soon to take place?"

"father has advised i take part on it, since kalluto told me the ryodan plans to rob some cliches who'll join the expedition- to look after him. you want me to join them?"

"yes, and i plan to board as well, don't fret."

illumi's eyes turn to slits, "how should i know you would be there? i can't take your word when you might just disappear when we've all boarded."

hisoka grins, wide then wider, "you should know by now illu, i plan to avenge my wounded pride. that damned chrollo didn't even fight me properly."

tilting his head, illumi stared at the man beside him, "is that not contradictory? i thought you did not mind your opponent using whatever means necessary to win?"

"magicians use tricks and misdirection to awe the audience," hisoka says almost thoughtlessly, "chrollo's a narcissistic hypnotist who used the audience as a damned shield because he knew he couldn't handle me face-to-face."

he groans, tinged in regret. "i shouldn't have picked heaven's arena, if i'd chosen a more discreet location then maybe the damage won't be this bad."

"damage?" illumi rests his chin on his palm, facing his husband.

hisoka swipes a hand over his face, and the glamour comes off. the picture he sent illumi now present in front of him. he was missing a nose, his left hand didn't have any finger left and dried blood chipped on his white skin. "oh."

with another swipe, everything's made correct again. hisoka was grinning again. he downs the remaining alcohol and leaves jenny bills under the emptied glass.

"come, lovely husband. we're to elope and legalize our union!"

illumi follows suit after downing his own glass, "i think there might be another loop hole, if you were to join the family. zoldycks do not kill family."

"so if i were to wed you, here and now, you'd think me more of a family than alluka?"

"alluka is not family."

"are those your words, illumi? or silva's?"

"i..."

"wow, you're really just as fucked up as i am."

"where do you plan to take me? i've just said i cannot kill family."

hisoka chuckles, "then you're the one to take my name, of course."

"preposterous!"

"who the hell still uses that word?"

"i am and will always be a zoldyck-"

"exactly. it's just legal papers, if you kill me then you'll just be a widow and even get your name back! see how everything'll work out in the end?"

"hisoka-"

"are you doubting your skill of assassination, my dearest husband?"

"... i better get the most expensive ring in this damned city."

"that's the spirit! now let's go get married!"

"wait, hisoka. what is your last name?"

later that night, when they leave a chapel, something gold glimmers on hisoka's bungee gum/texture surprise ring finger. a matching one around illumi's finger.

unlike hisoka, though, illumi had an extra red glimmer right under that gold, in the dead center of a silver band of intricately designed pattern. hisoka had foregone the traditional diamond in favor of a 16 carat ruby engagement ring, such a curious choice but illumi accepted it all the same...

(much later on, hisoka took both rings as collateral and reminded illumi that he would get them back even if he died bc it was in their damn prenup- and bc it was technically bought under illumis name and that's how hisoka assured illu that he'd be on that black whale,,, bc he had the rings and planned to give them back to him there)

"I thought a red gemstone was better suited for the rather bloody and murderous ending that our relationship will inevitably come to, wouldn't you agree?"

-Hisoka Morow whenever someone mentions his preference of proposal ring...

"I disagree with most of his ideals, our relationship has always had a fragile foundation, and I knew from the start that we'd eventually end up killing each other."

-Illumi Morow, nee Zoldyck when asked about his thoughts on his husband...

[martelldoran]

unsolicited tfatws opinions because i have them vol. 1

warning: here be spoilers

starting on the positive because there were things i did like in the episode

things i liked

sam wilson: *exists*

me:

sam's storyline was definitely the strongest of the two in this ep and i liked pretty much everything he did.

the opening aerial fight! was! so! cool! seeing batroc again was a nice nod to tws too and an interesting parallel to steve's lumerian star fight. i loved seeing his quick tactical thing, seeing how he fights, and the way he utilises the wings even in close quarters.

sam speaks arabic!

sam fixes redwing! (validation of a hc of mine that he's good with robotics. maybe that's a widely held fandom one as well? idk)

i instantly found torres to be really endearing and i'm looking forward to seeing more of him throughout the series. the relationship between him and sam has a lot of potential.

the manipulation of the government and general set up for sam's storyline felt strong. good basis for a story and pertinent to the current political landscape.

sam's speech as he handed over the shield was well written and gave me the same kind of vibes as the 'the price of freedom is high' speech. they could be quite nicely paralleled side by side.

sam's family! look, i'm a sucker for domestic moments for our faves so the entire sequence where we got this insight into sam's past, his relationship with his sister, and where he's come from was brilliant. i like sarah a lot and seeing her frustration with her brother for trying to come in and fix things when he's been gone for so long felt really realistic. i felt for her a lot. because you can tell there's so much there bubbling under the surface, a mix of love and resentment and frustration that was palpable as they talked about what to do with their parents' house/boat/business. so, give me all of the sarah wilson moments pls n thnx.

seeing the consequences of the snap (hi, i am refusing to call it the fucking blip. marvel, my god, get better names for shit.) idk how in depth they're really going to go into it all but at least they attempted something here with the scenes at the bank.

bucky's nightmare sequence as the winter soldier. it was such a brilliant reminder about how terrifying tws actually is. he's silent and ominous and THAT MUSIC. his presence is legitimately unsettling from the moment you see him. (but he runs around like a bull in a china shop which does make me 🤔 when i remember he's supposed to be a g h o s t s t o r y. idk. not exactly stealth and shadow work. but that doesn't look cool on screen so 🤷🏻‍♀️)

and on that note, vindication of my 'they sleep on the floor after coming back' headcanon. literally had raymond holt screaming in my head the second i saw bucky wake up on his living room floor. does my heart break for him? yes. was i smug about being right? also yes.

leah seems cool. could she actually be telepathic??? since she hit every single one of bucky's boats while they played battleships? i would like to see it. 😂 there's def more to her character than meets the eye since she's slated to be in all six episodes.

bucky having one (1) old man friend even if the reason behind it was heartbreaking.

so, yeah. these things i genuinely liked.

things i didn't like

the therapy scene. i genuinely hated it. there's a different between a no nonsense therapist and someone being deliberately antagonistic and that definitely erred on the side of the latter imo. she tells him to 'get over it' and mocks him for not reaching out and meeting people. media in general doesn't do a good job of depicting therapy so this is just yet another poor offering into the canon. i'm tired. i want healthy depictions of therapy already. it's supposed to be a supportive environment ffs.

plus she kept calling him james 🤮 genuinely wouldn't be surprised if she turns out to be a bad guy plant. which i think is a cliche at this point? 🤔

bucky's new look. which i know we've seen before now but i've not offered my unsolicited opinion on it. it's just sebastian stan in an ugly leather jacket. it's generic male lead#346. it's broification. someone said they made him look like brock rumlow and now i can't unsee it. 😭 rip to bucky with the good hair. i'd have loved to see him with some curls tbh. or a wave that kind of calls back to his pre-war days. anyway. i digress. character design is 0/10.

would have been nice to see him cut his hair as a marker of him starting a new chapter and coming into his own personhood.

rhodey's disability was just? glossed over? no visible assistive tech at all?

the date. just the fact it was there at all. it was heavy handed and not subtle and we know why they put that in there within the first 10 minutes of bucky's screen time. that's all i'm going to say about it. if you follow me, you know where i stand. we don't need poorly written romance. get it in the bin.

there was no acknowledgement of bucky's relationship with steve. if there was a memorial to be had then bucky should have been there. maybe these will come later but i'm not holding my breath.

is steve dead? i assumed that the party line was that young steve died in the battle and no-one knew about old steve . but did they actually kill steve off-screen? what a kick in the teeth if that's the case. let me just cut open a wound for them to pour the salt straight into, shall i?

things i'm mostly neutral on

john walker. he looks like a cop and his wink at the camera gave me the creeps but i'm interested to see how that pans out. i hope sam beats 50 shades of star spangled shit out of him.

the flag smashers. premise of a world without borders is interesting and a believable concept given what's happened in universe. there's a lot of scope there i think. that said, the name is dumb.

right. i think that covers everything for now. my expectations going in were really low, i won't lie. before the premiere i tried to stay away from the trailers and tv spots and the hype in general so i was pleasantly surprised at how much i enjoyed certain aspects of the show.

in conclusion, some good, some bad, some ugly and i will be cherry picking my favourite nuggets for fic at a later point. also, i'm still a skrull!Steve truther. real steve is chilling with some wakandan goats 😌💖✨

[normal-thoughts-official]

When/how do you think Ragnor and Catrina realized camille was being abusive towards Magnus?

Btw, I love u❤

fantastic question anon, i love YOU! i think that depends on a couple of factors. i think people who have already been or know people who have been in an abusive relationship are more likely to notice the warning signs, and/or to interpret stuff like the person pulling away as a sign of abuse. whereas people who haven't lived through it and aren't informed on it might not even realize what's going on until before it's over, and even be angry

so because we live in a hell world and catarina is a black woman, i think she is more likely to notice the warning signs than ragnor is, because black women are more likely to be in abusive relationships than white men. i'm not saying catarina herself has been in an abusive relationship necessarily but presumably her family has plenty of black women and she's also more likely to also be friends with other woc and marginalized ppl than ragnor is because again, hell world. so she has a higher chance of having been in a similar position before, although of course that's no set in stone rule and ragnor's circle of friends does seem to have a lot of marginalized ppl (and i hc him as aroace which makes him queer which puts him in an entirely different position than a straight white man and probably means something about the relationships he builds, but anyway) BUT my point is, i think catarina is more likely to notice earlier

i think ragnor is pretty perceptive tho, and also that they are pretty close and talk a lot, so i think once catarina noticed she would have talked to ragnor, and it wouldn't take ragnor long to realize that she was right

so okay when would they notice? i think that's always a slow process but i'm pretty sure their suspicions would first arise when magnus started to ditch them and stuff like parties and outings because of camille. first of all, i don't think that's like magnus at all, and second of all, there is an obvious difference between "i'm in the honeymoon phase" and "sorry, i don't think it's a good idea, my partner might not like it" or even "yeah! that sounds great!... just let me ask my partner about it". big difference

so that already has catarina in particular very wary of her because magnus is not the kind to ditch his friends because of a partner and the way he's acting about this is weird. so, she decides to keep an eye and maybe even put this to the test by making a surprise visit and invite him to a party like, right then doijadiosaj and she takes him out and she notices that magnus is Out Of It and he seems even a little... tense and scared and almost paranoid. and like, this is relatively at the beginning of their relationship so she wouldn't have been Horrible about it yet but at the beginning the person expresses enough control and discomfort with these things for you to be kind of uncomfortable even if you don't really realize that it's because you're Scared Of Hurting Your Parner

so THAT gets catarina really worried, because if magnus can't relax because he's afraid of camille's reaction, and worse, if he doesn't REALIZE that's why, that's the reddest a flag can get in such an early stage of their relationship. she tries to talk to magnus about it but magnus is the king of deflecting and basically waves her worries off. which just makes her more worried, but what is she supposed to do? she knows that pushing will only makes things worse and make it easier for camille to turn magnus against her and cut their ties. so, she lets it go and pretends that she buys his excuses. that's probably when she also talks to ragnor. ragnor probably had noticed that something was off but he hadn't really thought that it would be something super bad, and i think he'd still have his doubts about it, but well, he has that on the back of his mind now. and besides, he trusts catarina's judgement and he can admit when she is more qualified than him to assess something. it's why their relationship works

the first time they say anything is probably when magnus tells him about some fight they've had. probably because magnus told camille that he was upset about something she did - like idk, making fun of him in public about a topic that's sensitive to him. and like magnus wasn't even mad at her, he had never mentioned that whatever joke she made was off limits or related to a sensitive topic, he just wanted to communicate and let her know that it had hurt him, and she pretty much Exploded at him. and somehow turned it all around so it was magnus' fault for accusing her of trying to hurt him on purpose when that's not what magnus did, and now magnus pretty much wanted advice on how to apologize and let her know that he loves her

so catarina and ragnor try to subtly poke holes in her logic and show him that he has nothing to apologize for, without straight up being like "she's manipulating you" because Kids, That Does Not Go Well. and it makes magnus... heartbreakingly confused in that way abused people get when the logic they have been being shoved under shows cracks that would mean something too awful to even imagine

and catarina is a fucking wreck because at this point, she is sure of it and it makes her relive... so much trauma of other people she's seen go through that and lost and/or her own relationships if you want to go with that. and she doesn't want to lose magnus or have magnus go through that but she doesn't know what to do and she KNOWS that next step is magnus pulling away from her and ragnor no matter how careful she is

she probably gets the rare Comforting Hug from ragnor once magnus leaves and she also talks to dot and maybe elias? you know, their other friends. and they have a Catarina Comforting Day and hear her stories and cuddle and you know, try to make her feel better. and eventually they try to devise some kind of game plan so they can try to help magnus get out of this

it all goes to shit of course when they have the rare outing with camille, and camille is Obviously Refusing To Interact With Them If She Can Avoid It which is classic abuse thing - sure, i'll go see your friends, but you have to choose between interacting with them and me, so really you don't actually get to see with your friends because you'll feel bad that i'm isolated and eventually seeing your friends will feel either pointless or nervewracking cuz it feels like juggling your relationships. and if you want to see them without me i am going to act like you have something to hide and i'm a victim

anyway! so they notice that and they try to undermine that tactic by, you know, interacting with her a lot. so camille switches it up and tries to pick up a fight, and lo and behold, she succeeds - i know ragnor doesn't look like the kind of guy who loses his temper easily but i think when you push his buttons he is VERY bad at hiding it and half a snappy comment is all camille needs to lash out at him and play the victim. she's good

so that's when their plan gets fucked and everything goes to hell because then it's just too easy for camille to isolate magnus from his friends with really just a few tweaks to the previous tactic i mentioned - "are you really picking them over me, magnus? you're gonna keep hanging out with them when they are so rude to me, probably tell you all sorts of things about me, try to get you to break up with me? can't you see how manipulative they are? how they're trying to turn you against me? why do you insist so much on seeing them when you know how much that hurts me?"

and done

catarina and ragnor probably fight after that because god DAMN it, she fucking tOLD him that they had to be careful! and she's been swallowing all kinds of shitty comments from her but ragnor just had to fucking lose it at the first provocation, didn't he? and god knows how long it'd take for them to reach him after that, because camille is already preemptively making him think that they are trying to manipulate him to break up with her out of jealousy so he won't listen to anything they say directly. and she's right, of course, and ragnor is out of his depth and doesn't UNDERSTAND how these things go and how much this slip up will affect them in the future

i like to think that ragnor apologizes to her and catarina probably... has a breakdown because fuck she is worried and she is reliving way too many nightmares here. and ragnor is actually very tender and hugs her and apologizes and kisses her forehead and tells her that he's going to fix it. and he actually swallows his pride and apologizes to camille just to try and turn this thing around, but, well. the damage is done. and really, there is only so much friends can do when dealing with something like this. at the end of the day, they did all they could

and from then on they try their best to be there for him and pull magnus out of the camille-created isolation, but there's only so much they can do, and it's up to magnus to notice and get help to get rid with her. they'll always try to be his support system, but well. it's hard

and of course eventually magnus does get rid of her claws and catarina, ragnor, dot, elias etc., are all there for him when he does. and he probably feels guilty because he pushed them away but really they are just so RELIEVED that he's finally free of her. and him and catarina probably get a teary hug full of apologies for things that aren't their fault, and they try to make up for lost time by spending as much time as possible together now. especially because i think that it also hurts catarina to have her friends pull away - she obviously yearns for family, for closeness, i don't think she does well with people pulling away from her, she wants the kind of closeness that comes from routine and she used to have that with magnus and the rest of the immortal squad, you know? and magnus knows that, so, he tries to compensate

and eventually they start to heal their relationships, but magnus still has a long way to heal himself, but well. he'll get there. they are together and all

[ignitesthestxrs]

Hello! I know you’ve left grishaverse behind. But the news of the second season has me comparing books vs show again. If you feel like it: what were your thoughts on the different characterization choices with Alina and the Darkling between both?

They just seemed like very different characters even though they were ostensibly doing the same stuff. And frankly I was pretty bummed out about it. I feel like they tried to make the Darkling more palatable, which kind of ended up seeming like they didn’t understand why he sucks? (like the discourse about making the winter fete scene more consensual when alllll the false pretenses kind of makes that consent pointless, she doesn’t know who she’s actually dealing with).

And just idk the whole thing with Alina being the cause for a bunch of people dying on the fold because she destroyed the reconnaissance/maps they had so she could be with Mal and the army. And… never addressing it or feeling bad about it lol.

Sorry I realize this is more me talking at you and if you have no opinions either way, no worries. I just got annoyed about how much potential both the books and show had all over again.

is anything ever truly left behind? aka i am incapable of letting go of the things i loved once even if i have a complicated relationship with them now that really isn't love but more nostalgia for the love i once had that has long since expired--

yeah lol the characterisation in the show was: silly. on multiple fronts! definitely the ones you have mentioned!

Alina: didn't like, have a character in the show? you get such a sense of her personality in the book (grumpy cat) and she's defensive and self conscious and unconvinced of her own worth, and the whole point is that she grows into her powers? you get none of that work in the show, and none of the meaner/ruder sides of her personality. there's no...indication of what she wants or what she's working for (which tbf could come from the book, but the book has its first person pov to support her personality in a way that a show just can't do. we'll never get in her head the way a book can, so the show needed to give us SOMETHING).

the show really just felt like 'things happen to alina so much and she reacts like :O each time and sometimes makes a concentrating face'.

and the darkling LOL honestly they so aggressively missed the point of his character that he is simply a different person. like, they made a fundamental change to his motives and made it seem as though he's really in love with Alina at this point, which just categorically doesn't make any sense? the whole deal with the darkling in the first point is that he's using her, and that's a part of the tension in their relationship. this is an older man intentionally seducing a teenager lol it's Problematique and that's the point! it's supposed to be a problem! you haven't fixed anything by making it more ~genuine~ you've just made it weirder actually.

and yeah the absolute nonsense of trying to add consent to a scene that is non-consensual by its nature?? having the darkling like, ask more permission or having alina girlboss her way through the kiss like - it does nothing to change the fundamental issue with the scene, which is that the darkling is actively lying to alina and keeping things from her that would mean she would not make the choice to kiss him if she knew about them! you don't get points for asking politely when you're actively grooming someone to be obsessed with you lol

(and also, the darkling telling her his real name at his stage in their story? again, it's supposed to sell the fact that he has real affect for her, which i guess the show thinks makes everything more palatable, but it's senseless - what reason does this powerful ancient man have to be really affected by alina at this point? he tells her his name in the books as a manipulation tactic, but also not until a point where they've done real harm to each other and are caught in this mutual obsession like, it has weight and meaning at that point! in the show it just comes up as a random Thing like ok darkles)

the tHING WHERE ALINA GETS ALL HER FRIENDS KILLED like oh man that would have been a really good and interesting change to the books and to making alina more of an active participant in her own story if! it had ever! been addressed again! but we get no indication that this has any effect on her or the world state or the story beyond the episode it takes place in, it's silly.

i also think they did mal a real disservice in the show, and i adored show mal. but like, the whole point of mal in the first book is that he's just a dude, you know? he's a dude that alina loves, and who loves alina, but he has to learn that he'd do anything for her, you know? that's why his second book arc is important and interesting the way it is, and why his third book arc makes sense at all. they've taken all the teeth out of his story by making him adoringly devoted to alina without questioning her choices or decisions or doubting her in anyway. and it feels like they did that in order to counter the book fandom tendency to just virulently hate him without basis, which i get, but it does make for a less nuanced and interesting character for him.

but yeah overall i found the show a slog lol, i only got through it because i was watching with friends, and i don't know if we're going to do the second season to ourselves or not. we'll see i spose!