#this community is so very important to me

[complexkinseynumber]

I need every technical person to understand, like down into your bones understand, one very important thing:

teaching something is *so much harder* than knowing the thing. Just because you understand hierarchical filesystems or git or grub or rust or whatever does not in any way mean your explanation of those things is worth anything.

I’m sorry to have to break this to you. It hurt me when I realized it, but knowing cool stuff is infinitely less valuable than being able to *communicate* cool shit, and that’s a skill many of us do not get any training (formal or otherwise) in!

today was the day we finalized the migration of essential software at work from some old and busted shit that was ready to die at any time, to the new cloud version of the same software that we are no longer responsible for maintaining. which is good because no one was actually maintaining ours. it's just been slowly crufting into unusability for a decade. so anyway they set aside an hour for a teams meeting where they'd walk us through the different interface and how to go through normal processes.

"it's not that big a change," they said. "it's all the same stuff, it just looks a little different," they said.

they did not account for the fact that the primary user of this software is someone who doesn't actually know how it works or what it's doing. they learned how to do their job entirely through rote memorization. they know which buttons they are supposed to press in which order, and that is the full extent of what they know. they also did not account for the fact that this person's processes were learned thirdhand from other people who were not using this software normally to begin with.

it's like. imagine if someone had only ever used tumblr in the app. and you try to get them to use it in a desktop browser, but they cannot figure out how to post. and you go through explaining where the button is and how to format text and add tags, even though you could have sworn it was all the same in the app. but then they're like, "okay, but what's the phone number" and you're like "what" and they're like "the phone number to call to make a post?" and it turns out somehow they still had the ability to post by calling a phone number, and every time they posted on the app they called the post in first and then edited the audio post to transcribe it into text before screenshotting the text for a photo post. and nothing you can say to them will make them understand that none of that is necessary or correct. they shouldn't have even been able to do some of that. they can just type into the post box now, like a civilized person. "okay," they say, "but what is the phone number, though? because when i made my account my friend gave me this checklist and the first thing on it is to call the number."

so anyway we were on that teams call for almost three hours and they still don't have a handle on the new software

[goober-dyke]

Cherryhaven Manor is the name of a fiefdom my vassals and I are working on putting together. Apparently a significant number of abandoned schools are cheaper to purchase than a house. My harem will consist of 20-30 members, or more if we can make it work. We're already at 7.

The school we're looking at getting right now is about 2 acres of land with 30k sqft in the middle of a suburb. It's looking at costing anywhere from $540k to $560k after renovations, assuming inspection goes well and there are no major renovation needed to get the building up to code. Obv it will need basic renovations for making it livable.

Most vassals will share quarters rather than having their own rooms, but there are private rooms to sign out if you want one. This also includes communal showers for the bathrooms (with stalls). It's a school so it already has a huge kitchen and cafeteria, which is important so everyone can get fed!

Importantly, this is basically a kink co-op. Very few members of the fiefdom will be working at normal jobs outside the manor. Instead, they provide value by providing a skill to the manor. Whether that's chemistry (free E, woot!), a seamstress so we can make high-quality clothes that for the theme of the manor, maids to clean and service, etc.

I, as Princess, rule as the Sovereign. Everyone there has, by definition of being a vassal, sworn an oath of loyalty to me. As such, everyone serves under me, and is my belonging. Vassals hand over their rights as people to me in return for a place in the fiefdom. I'm working on writing a charter as well, it's 1500 words rn, with 600 being about consent.

Most of us are transfem, but we have cissies too! That's why it's Cherryhaven. It's a safe haven for us as american trans peeps.

It's basically a dream living scenario for most of the members, we're all pretty excited :D

Applications are welcome to any who wish to send one in~ I'm gay though so men need not apply. All women and enbies invited tho :3

Dreamt i was in some kinda communal living situation and I could live off of being requested to do favors and help people out on projects and such and that was enough. I had a walkietalkie and people would just ask me throughout the day to be a helping hand on various tasks and it was never something where I was expected to be specialized enough to not need guidance but i was appreciated for it. It was worthy of praise and my needs were taken care of because I was contributing and. Wow that's pathetic, but i yearn for it so bad. Im not built to survive in this landscape im in. It was so nice. Being appreciated for what I could do. Im literally crying at 4 am after waking up from that.

[romanarose]

What: An event to highlight disability visibility in the Pedro Pascal and Oscar isaac fandom! Writings or art MUST include some disability. In the header, I have chosen 4 characters with canon disabilities, but you can write for anyone! For examples:

Marcus Acacius losing eyesight Llewyn with a reader with a reader with epilepsy Javier Pena x Steven Murphy and Steve has cancer

Fics and art can be NSFW, friends, romantic, canon characters only, x reader, solo fics, ETC. If you want to explore a bonus chapter within a series you already wrote, that works, but,

MUST BE NEW CONTENT!

Who: Anyone who wants to make art or write a fic!

Where: Tumblr, but if you want to post on ao3 and send a link that works!

When: Through the month of April!

Why: It's important for all of us to look at the beautiful diversity of this fandom! There have been many discussions around race and gender/sexuality biases especially in the PPCU recently, and I want to not derail, but rather add to this conversation.

Rules: I'll try to keep it simple

Not a dead dove event: While dark content can be discussed or shown and I am not a dark hater, please no dead dove, non con etc. Not for this event.

Minor characters are allowed, but obviously no NSFW minors. You want to have Marc and reader in their teens, thats fine! but not smut.

No minors!: I am aware I cannot stop nor do I wish to stop minors from reading, but interacting with this event is strictly 18+

Non-disabled people can write, and disabled folk can write for disabilities they do not have, but do research: Reach out to friends who have a disability you want to write about. Watch youtube videos. Read book and blog posts. I'll link some resources at the bottom!

TRY not to fall into trope or harmful traps. Again, I'll link tropes in the bottom, try our best!

Try to end light. This is about the beauty of diversity. Like with my pride event, I'm not naive to hardships the disability community faces and we can explore that, but lets not let that be the main focus.

Readmore: Use the READMORE option! I'll reblog all fics but ONLY if theres a readmore

Add alt text to any pictures. I have literally done this maybe twice and that's my fault. it takes a minute, I have no excuses, but its very important for people who use aids online.

And this isn't a rule but a few notes. try to avoid the inspiration porn shit. If you don't know what it is, look it up and if you're still not clear you can ask me! Also, I recognize major depressive disorder , PTSD, anxiety ETC can be disabilities, these are things that are depicted a fair amount in fics already. If you choose to write to draw with these disabilities, that is okay! I'm still more than happy to include your work! I just want to gently encourage people to think of other disabilites we can try to include so others feel welcomed!

And as always with my events, I want to encourage you to think beyond the standard x fem reader. It's all wonderful and beautiful, but if you wanted to write reflecting your experience as a black disabled woman or a trans disabled man or writing about Santi's experience being queer and disabled I WOULD LOVE TO SEE IT ALL!!

Events tend to not have a lot of art, so I'd really love to see artists participate too!

HOW: SEND ME THE LINK ASKS OR DMS! asks in preferred so I can keep track. Do to internet safety, I wont look at anonymous links. If you have to be on anon bc you use a sideblog (looking at you, Haru!) then tag me in your fic or post, I'll open up a dm with you on that blog and you can send it there. I''ve had issues in the past trying to keep things organized so this is best for me! Everything will be reblogged, and then put into a masterlist!

I will be posting the masterlist on my new blog, @cosmic-kid-in-motion. I wanted to start the event here where I actually have followers, but the final product will be on my new blog, transferring things over.

I am so excited to see what you all come up with!!!!

Disability Visibility Project: An online page talking about disability issues. The sight is ran by Ali Wong. She also has a book of essays from different people called Disability Visibility, I HIGHLY REC. We read this book and used this site heavility in my intro to disability class, its why I named the event this!

Ableist tropes in media

Youtuber who is a friend of mine, Andy

Deaf awareness by same youtuber

Another youtuber I like

Disabled palistinian comedian

If anyone has other links they recommend im all ears!

I also open for any questions, and if any other disabled tumblrinas wanna open up for questions, comment below! You totally dont have to, but a wider range is always great! I have a few physical and mental disabilites and like I mentioned, I took a class. Im also good friends with the tuber i linked above and he's done a lot of disability advocacy and I've learned a lot from him, So I feel confident but if theres another I dont know I'll open it up! Any input or ideas are welcome!!!

Im so excited to see what everyone comes up with!

[beforetimes]

hey mf what about healing in ur reversal au. huh. what about love. what about peace. also would this be romantic … would the role reversal also apply to their romantic feelings where its shen “so deep in denial” yuan who realizes he has a crush first … thats funny. but the most important part is the healing actually Can You Fix Them Now …

lllmmmfffaaaaooooo... i got you don't worry.....

yes! it would be romantic. but i think shen yuan's obliviousness is something that carries over throughout many universes and that rule would hold true here. instead of working with the 'luo binghe is going to kill me to get revenge' mindset, it's tweaked to be 'luo binghe is going to kill me to level up and become the greatest cultivator there was.'

i think luo binghe would probably figure out he's in love with shen yuan sometime after sacrificing himself for him in jinlan city. and he would resolve to try and convince shen yuan of this fact while shen yuan would just be? so entirely confused and conflicted. constantly swinging between 'luo binghe shouldn't be acting like this' and 'the plot dictates that i'll die by his hand, this must be a trap and i refuse to get caught in it.'

oh what would be fun! would be like. since i'm not including tianlang-jun's capture as canon in this. that storyline would shift over to these two! where cang qiong and huan hua's collection of cultivators tries to convince luo binghe to lure shen yuan someplace so they can trap him — because following luo binghe's 'death' in jinlan city, shen yuan went a bit. nuts.

luo binghe disagrees, obviously, but something happens that leads to shen yuan believing that he's been betrayed, anyway. sort of like the face off at the very end of the third novel, shen yuan and luo binghe tear away from the rest of the crowd and convinces him of what luo binghe's been trying to tell him for ages now—that he loves him and he'll never send him away again, he doesn't want shen yuan to leave, he never has, he keeps misspeaking and he needs shen yuan to know, without any confusion between them, that he'll stay with him forever. and he loves him.

whether or not they'll have sex is up in the air; i think here it wouldn't be necessary. shen yuan's relief at not dying and that his shizun still loves him despite his demonic nature would be enough for him.

and the healing; a lot of it i think would come down to communication. the bulk of misunderstandings between them were mostly due to luo binghe's words; "you can't leave," "you were supposed to be dead," etc. and shen yuan sees these and reads into them far too much—i think once the dust settled and the two departed from cang qiong mountain to live their own lives, shen yuan would always talk to luo binghe, at first hesitant as if he's scared to get scolded or told to be silent before picking up steam and getting less and less stilted as time passes. he would tell stories about his 'travels' (strange things he came upon while searching for luo binghe following his death in jinlan) and tell luo binghe about the demonic monsters he's grown so fond of.

and luo binghe would in turn! offer that same openness with shen yuan, instead of holding his cards close to his chest the way he did when he was depressed and unwilling to live, let alone speak. testing boundaries when it came to touch, pda, just about everything, would be done step by step, carefully on both ends; shen yuan scared that he'll hurt his shizun because of his demonic nature and luo binghe still harbouring guilt from pushing shen yuan into the abyss.

a lot of late night convos would be in the cards for them as well, i feel. moon shining over their bodies while they lay curled up, face to face in bed, fingers tangled together while shen yuan haltingly tells luo binghe about the abyss. and in turn, an almost clinical reiteration of qing jing peak's general upkeep following shen yuan's supposed death from luo binghe. getting it in the open doesn't make it better, necessarily, but they're both privy to slight habits to avoid, details not to mention, and smells and sounds to avoid as to not upset the other.

i think they wouldn't live in the bamboo home nor in the demon realm. a small home somewhere else, nestled in a quiet meadow within the heart of a forest where shen yuan could encounter the local wildlife and where luo binghe could retreat when his peak became too suffocating. books dotting just about every piece of furniture because shen yuan had a bad habit of starting a book and picking up a new one without finishing the former. luo binghe has the kitchen stocked to the brim and every few weeks invites shen yuan with him to search through the local flora for spices and vegetables, tending to a slowly-expanding garden next to their home. there's a stream nearby that leads to a deep and lonely pool that shen yuan and luo binghe sleep next to, sometimes, stars from the night sky reflected in the water so it feels like touching clouds and pinpricks of lights when shen yuan's hand skims over the surface.

i think shen yuan would have issues with doing his hair; he wasn't good at it as a disciple and got into the habit of letting shizun fix it up for him before he was sent into the abyss. and didn't have time to fix it between fighting for his life and being constantly drenched in blood. so upkeep with his hair always ignites a deep sense of dread in him. he tries and vaguely succeeds after coming back from the abyss, but it's always a fight to wrangle it that leaves his scalp stinging. luo binghe would make up for so much lost time by carefully and slowly gathering his hair, pulling it up and pinning it in place with a hairpiece, all with gentle hands every morning. and shen yuan would let himself get pampered before returning the favour, deft fingers combing through luo binghe's curls. i think! this is the first truly intimate thing between the two of them that they'd let become a habit.

their home would still be connected to the bamboo house; an array, maybe? so luo binghe could be there and back without too much travel. but as far as qing jing peak was aware, there was only the bamboo house and nothing else. shen yuan and luo binghe are very happy to let this assumption become an imagined universal truth.

edit: well i said sex wouldn't be a necessity but i thought up a version of that particular maigu ridge scene in this universe that could work and! now i am. definitely writing it in. trust

masterpost

[dobriy-nunciy]

Thank you so much to author of this text, and to @valar-did-me-wrong and the baddydaddy brigade community for showing me this post. And I want to write what I myself think about all of this. But it's going to touch on a religious topic.

The problem is that in my "home" it is dangerous to say something from a religious point of view, because many people will start laughing at you or scolding you, and it will end up causing a conflict you didn't want. Here, too, I've seen people avoid discussing religious matters out of tact and not wanting to hurt their interlocutor. But I can't imagine avoiding such statements when talking about someone's death.

The following are just my own thoughts. I in no way wish to pass them off as some kind of truth, or to impose them on anyone, or to devalue anyone else's faith or views.

Adar as a RoP character made a very strong impression on me for many reasons, and I miss him dearly. At the same time, I feel like any attempt to honor his memory would drive me into an even greater longing than his horrible and unjust death.

I don't believe anyone can find immortality in their children. Children are different, separate people. Of course, they have a lot from their parents, but I think their own life continues in them, not someone else's...

Same with the memory of deeds, statues, songs and other memorabilia. Of course it is all right and necessary. And it was given even greater importance in ancient times. But it's not comforting either. And here I understand Galadriel with her desire to avenge her brother, though his heroic death is surrounded by all possible honors that his kin could give him.

Immortality for me is personal immortality. Existence in consciousness, in some form, perhaps even in body. And professor Tolkien gives such examples, even if only as a possibility, and not all of them are connected with resurrection.

Late evening Adar thoughts: I like to imagine Adar was also part of the The Dagor Dagorath (Battle of all Battles) prophecy about the Middle Earth heroes and the Valar coming back to defeat Morgoth once and for all in the last battle, bringing life back into the two trees of Valinor and restoring Arda to it’s original glorious state, to simply put it. He might not have been remembered as any “hero” but he was to me. And to see him finally get revenge on Morgoth, the one who first caused his suffering and torment would be so satisfying and relieving tbh 🥺

Another thing… the tragic downside of the trop writers adding such a wonderful canon-like original character like Adar to the show is that he feels like a “forgotten hero” that is erased from anything the lore masters ever wrote and how they didn’t care to keep his name alive, because he’s an orc, a corrupted elf who isn’t worthy of any true acknowledgment from the actual “heroes”, even though he was very much worthy. The fact only a few would remember him, and the songs that were sung of him never left that small circle of elves who might’ve treasured his memory in secret. Even the offspring of his children probably don’t/didn’t know anything about him either. It’s just so sad that even when I think of wholesome hcs, I immediately get depressed because non of it matters in the end. He’s gone, forgotten, but at least we will remember him for a long time 😭

This can apply to the other original characters like Arondir, Disa, Bronwyn etc as well, but with Adar it’s different because of what and who he was and how his life ended so unfairly. He was literally RIPPED from us and we are expecting to just “move on”… it’s hard to deal with

[thedaddycomplex]

Hi, I was wondering which is better: Self-publishing or going through an actual publishing company like penguin house, etc. For some context, I've been set on self-publishing on kdp, mostly because I don't want a company to turn down my manuscript that I worked so very hard on AND think is very good writing. I also don't want to be the "Face of the book" if you will, and I am currently using a pen name. I want to get the best value out of my book, so I kinda want to do this right. Advice?

Well, I can't really answer which is "better" because that depends entirely on your ultimate goal. So, let me break down the advantages and disadvantages of both self-publishing and traditional publishing and you can see which sings to you.

Self-publishing is a good way to go if you want complete control over the process — editing, cover design, marketing. This works well if your ultimate goal is simply to have a printed book (or e-book) untouched by anyone but you.

It is not a good way to go, however, if you hope to make any money or have a new career. While all of us can point to the handful of authors who've made tons of money self-publishing (Andy Weir, for example), they are the exception, not the rule, and they all spent years building an audience online before they had their success story.

Also, as a self-published author, you are your own communications team, marketing team, PR team, etc. You basically have to take on multiple extra full-time jobs for no pay. [In that way, I guess you do get a new career(s).]

Traditional publishing comes with communications, marketing, design and, most important, editing baked in. And it comes with an advance, so out of the gate there's money. (Note: You do have to pay back the advance, but it comes out of your sales, not your pocket.) Plus, they have their own distribution channels set up. All you really have to do is write, do some self-promotion on social media, and get on the phone for the occasional press interview.

The obvious downside with traditional publishing is breaking in. It is a long process of putting yourself out there for a series of rejections and there's no guarantee you'll ever actually break in. To do so takes a magic blend of talent, persistence, timing, and luck.

If you want to avoid getting turned down by a company, it sounds like your choice is already made. However, I would strongly urge you to send your book out to publishers and agents anyway. If you get rejected, ask why. If you disagree with their reason, fine, move onto the next one. If you can see their point, however, consider it a note that can improve your book.

I love that self-publishing exists and it is a fantastic way for authors to get their work out into the world. But, personally, I prefer trad publishing. It allows me to focus almost solely on the writing. And I wholeheartedly believe that a good editor makes a writer's work better.

[ibelieveinahappilyeverafter]

A Stone’s Throw Away - Chapter 2

A/N: Time for a Robotnik POV! I tried to toe the line between Game!Eggman and Movie!Eggman, so let me know how it goes! (The vibe is: stuck in a non-stop manic episode, but without the feral energy of Jim Carrey.)

Fandom: Sonic the Hedgehog - All Media Types, Sonic the Hedgehog (Live Action Universe)

Characters: Dr Eggman | Dr. Robotnik, Agent Stone, Commander Walters

Rating: Teen Audiences

Chapter Summary: Ivo Robotnik has just been told he is getting a new assistant. The worst part? He actually knows this one. Sort of.

AO3 Link: A Stone’s Throw Away

Word Count: 4,816

—

Stage 2 : Dr. Robotnik's New Assistant

Ivo Robotnik was not one to doubt his genius. Even a moron could look at his accomplishments, hell, his lab, and know that he was someone not to be underestimated.

While he hadn’t been wrong since he was little more than a snot-nosed brat, there was always room for growth and improvement. He was a scientist — an inventor. It was important to always keep in mind that things could be improved upon. To look back on his previous work and see failure was to scorn perfection. 

That being said… He was struggling to understand why in the name of science itself he had decided to remove all possible color-coding to the wiring of his badniks. Oh, sure, it likely had been to prevent someone from understanding his designs and, more importantly, his babies, but that would have involved someone getting close enough to study the insides of one of them. 

As it was now, the lack of colored wiring on such small, delicate wires made Ivo’s job a lot more difficult when it came to routine repairs. It didn’t help that the current badnik in his lap was making a low whining noise that was for dramatics and dramatics alone. Honestly, Ivo didn’t know where his babies got their attitude from. 

“Oh, hush.” He huffed, finally finding the right port and unsurprised to see that one of the wires was only just barely connected. It at least explained the flight path problems of the last couple of days, movement likely knocking it in and out of place. “I know for a fact I didn’t give you the ability to feel pain or discomfort.” 

His beautifully shaped, aerodynamic, and state-of-the-art drone stopped whining, and instead started wiggling in his lap. If Ivo didn’t have the silly thing caught between his stomach and his desk, it likely would have rolled off of his lap altogether. “Who taught you this behavior!” 

Before he could get any response, whether verbal or physical, a call alert was appearing at the bottom of one of his holo-screens. Giving it a quick glance, Ivo immediately regretted it when he saw just who it was from. 

“Ugh, Walters,” he complained to the badnik that was still lightly wiggling in his lap, as if Ivo didn’t still have his fingers inside it and was trying to actively fix the disconnected wires. “What do you think? Should we just ignore him?” 

A little whistling tune of beeps answered him, Ivo snorting at the nonsensical sound. While he gave some of his badniks separate AIs and a hive mentality for immediate communication and linking, a few were slowly beginning to develop the beginnings of a personality. Ivo was as proud as he was rabid to see what else he could do with the AI code he had been building and improving upon for years. Maybe he could- Louder alert sound.

Ugh. Right. Walters. The old fool was likely calling him to tell him about some new mission, or contract proposal, or some other issue not worth his time. Unfortunately, answering was better than the chance of the man coming over to bother him in person.

“Dr. Robotnik.” Walters greeted, doing the bare minimum of using Ivo’s title that he had earned thank you very much. Just because the man had known him since he was eighteen didn’t make Ivo any less deserving of his respect. Ah, right, Walters was talking. Something about… Damn, he didn’t even care enough to listen to gain an idea of what the man was rambling about. Maybe he would get to the point? Hm. No. This was Walters. He could talk forever.

“Yes, yes, an honor to talk with me and waste my time like always, I know. Seeing as I am in the middle of something, however, maybe you could get to your point?” There was a beautiful moment where Ivo could see Walters fighting the indignation on his face. 

“Of course, Doctor.” Oh. Oh, Ivo did not like that subtle smirk- “You’ve been assigned a new personal assistant who will aid you in the lab and cover protection detail when you are off the premises-”

“I’ve been what?!” Ivo’s screeches made the badnik in his lap wiggle again, Ivo patting it absentmindedly as he kept shouting. “I already have to put up with the untrained dogs you all throw at me to stalk the halls of my lab, isn’t that enough? Why do I have to put up with another one!”

Seeing Walters ready to talk, Ivo simply talked over him and kept going, as he was so good at doing, “Have you learned nothing? When are you and the rest of this bacteria-ridden carcass of a government going to understand the very, very simple fact that I don’t need an assistant. Hell, I work better without one! Anything I can’t do can be handled by my machines!” 

“We appreciate your capability, Doctor, but I’m afraid this decision is out of my hands.” Oh, like hell it was. Not when the man was always the one throwing assistants at Ivo like he could make them stick. Government spies and babysitters, that’s what he was being settled with. 

“Then take it into your hands and change it.” If his understanding of the man hadn’t given away that he was enjoying Ivo’s suffering, then the smug tilt to his smile did. 

“I don’t know, Ivo. I think you’ll be intrigued by this one.” Ugh. Him? Intrigued? Unlikely. And Walters seemed so damn sure about it, too! 

Drawing himself up and getting ready to really tear into the man, the small notification of a digital file being sent to his systems went off. He directed only a portion of his attention to do a quick check, much more interested in tearing down the absolute waste of space-!

File Received: Special Agent Profile - Stone  

The insults died in his throat, Ivo’s full attention snapping to re-read the name. It was only the sight of Walters’ smug face that kept him from doing anything as pedestrian as showing surprise. Walters, the bastard, had the audacity to smirk, “I had a feeling you might find that interesting.”

“‘I had a feeling,’” Ivo mocked, tone as high-pitched and annoying as he could make it. “Feelings over thoughts, is that how you make decisions, Commander Walters?” Pressing a button on his gloves to make the call make a loud noise when the man opened his mouth to fill the air with what would have been nothing but inane babble, Ivo sneered when the fool stayed silent. “You military types are so fond of your games that you fool yourselves into thinking a bomb could be more effective than a single bullet.” 

Raising his hand, Ivo leaned back in his seat with a smile he knew was all teeth, “You've also forgotten who builds the bombs and bullets both.” With that, and a snap of his fingers, Walters' ugly mug disappeared from his screen and any incoming calls were blocked for the rest of the day. 

Blowing out a long, irritated breath, Ivo only broke out of his thoughts at the trills coming from down in his lap. Raising an eyebrow, Ivo scoffed as the badnik wiggled in his lap before hovering a few inches into the air. When he saw where its optics were trained, he couldn't help the bark of laughter that escaped. 

“I suppose you would remember him too, wouldn't you?” Ivo looked at the file of Agent Stone himself, a flicking motion with his fingers opening it and spreading the information across the screens in front of him. The first thing his gaze settled on was the basic profile and picture attached, an absolutely miserable face with dark brown eyes staring at the camera. It was a sharp contrast from the last time Ivo had seen the agent's face.

“One last thing.” Gritting his teeth as the long-winded, pain-in-his-ass general just kept going, Ivo debated on the pros and cons of just stalking off and finishing the damn shadow ops mission he had been bullied into by himself. It wasn’t like he needed a bunch of human meat shields that would serve to do nothing but die needlessly. 

Besides, the gray, dreary sky and dark clouds were threatening rain and Ivo was not planning on getting wet, thank you very much. Damn, maybe he should revisit that weather machine idea he had as a teenager. At least then there wasn’t the risk of getting one of his nicer outfits soaked. “Today’s mission will see the possibility of being accompanied on the field by one of our scientists and some of his… weapons.” Oh, well that just wouldn’t do, would it?

“Weapons, General Whatever-Your-Name-Is, would imply that all my creations can do are point and shoot.” Reveling in the disgruntled, bitter look he was given, Ivo wasted no time in crossing the distance needed to be right in the general’s face. “Like those ‘weapons’ that are all lined up behind us and staring vapidly at the sky like the incoming rain might do their job for them.”

“Dr. Robotnik-” Cutting the general off with a sharp scoff that was purely to piss him off, Ivo grinned when he saw frustration turning the man’s face red. 

“Listen, General…?”

“Wat-” 

“Nobody cares!” For a single moment, Ivo thought he might have heard one of the idiot agents behind him actually laugh, which- Well. It was nice to have his humor appreciated for once. 

“Dr. Robotnik, this is not-”

Turning sharply, Ivo clapped his hands together and looked at the dozen men and women that were looking at him. Some looked irritated, others looked confused, and a couple were whispering like they were back in high school. Ugh, they had probably been jocks. 

“Alright, kiddies, let me explain what I’m doing here myself while General Nobody-Cares shuts his stupid face!” Ivo’s grin kicked up a notch when he saw the clenched fists. Honestly, you would think a general could handle a little teasing and taunting. “You don’t deserve to know my name or even what it is I do, but for those of you who live today, you can have the honor of saying you were on the same mission as Dr. Ivo Robotnik.” 

Whistling a three-note tune, Ivo waited only a heartbeat before three of his babies were seamlessly carving through the air and forming a loose semi-circle around him. They were all perfectly in time with one another and his commands and Ivo didn’t even try to curb the hum of satisfaction deep in his chest. 

“These, agents, are what the U.S. Government calls advanced, unpiloted weaponry drones for scouting and containment. Their better, rightful name is badniks.” Beautifully timed, a low rumble of thunder echoed behind them. If anyone asked, Ivo would be more than happy to claim credit for that timing. Less so for the mocking laughter.

A mocking laugh that was soon stifled when Ivo whistled a short tune, the badnik hovering over his right shoulder shooting its laser at the agent. With perfect aim, the laser cut a perfect hole in the agent’s hat, knocking it to the ground and leaving behind a pale face. “They also have deadly precision,” Ivo said, grinning at the lightly smoking hat on the ground. “Perfect every time.” 

Unease and fear rippled across the gathered agents like a slow-moving wave — except for one anchor point of stone right in the middle of the ocean. The agent was standing at attention, not having moved or shifted the entire time during Ivo’s impromptu presentation. A quick look at posture and how he shifted his balance let Ivo know that it was far from his first time in the field. Dark skin let him know that schoolyard banter wasn't likely to get to him if he had made it this far up the rankings. No immediate visible scars told Ivo the man was at least accomplished enough that his targets never managed an easy hit, and a neatly groomed beard showed that he wasn’t the typical musclehead who reveled in being covered in blood and dirt. 

The most unsettling thing about him, though, was that he was staring at the badnik that had fired not with unease or fear, but with… Hell, if Ivo didn’t know any better, he almost would have called the look awe. 

It would have been an odd quirk easy to write off if the man didn’t continue to look delighted as Ivo ‘convinced’ one of the other agents to help provide a better demonstration on restraint and containment capabilities of his babies. The man’s fellow agent was wrapped up in thin metal wires and being tased into unconsciousness, and he was grinning like he was trying to hold back laughter. 

What a strange little thing. 

Unfortunately, that was the only high point of his day as the agents were then split into teams and released like the hounds they were. As if snarling teeth and boy scout plans could be better weapons than even a single one of his badniks. 

He was therefore unsurprised when three hours and fifty-two minutes, and a heavy rainstorm, had passed with no sign or word of the agents. He was patient enough to give it four hours exactly (and wait to be certain the rain was done for awhile) before he stood up, whistled sharply for all of the badniks he had brought, and started walking. 

“Dr. Robotnik! Where are you going!” Ugh, the annoying general that hadn’t stopped fuming since Ivo’s fun little attempt to lighten the atmosphere. 

“Obviously, General, your agents have failed. Whether dead or captured, I doubt they’ll be returning. So I might as well go and fix the problem myself before risking getting caught in even more rain.” 

With that, and another sharp whistle, Ivo headed for the contained area that the targets were in. Ivo hadn’t bothered to listen much beyond ‘extremist group’ and ‘vital intel’ when being given his briefing, but he knew that he was looking for a hard drive and, if he was feeling generous, any living agents. 

His generosity didn’t look like it would matter, though, as the closer he got to the coordinates of the hideout, the more dead bodies he saw strewn across the ground. The agents had at least been useful enough to make sure the extremists died with them. Although, they had been useless enough to not take down all of them. 

Inputting orders via his control gloves in order to keep silent, Ivo waited for most of his badniks to spread across the area. He didn’t continue until he heard half a dozen shots that let him know whatever enemies were living were dealt with. 

“Scan for anyone living,” Ivo said absently to the badnik following him and acting as guide and bodyguard both. “Prioritize finding any U.S. personnel and alert the network to eliminate any living humans not designated as such.”  

The badnik beeped in confirmation of the order, Ivo continuing onward with surety that the scans would find anything long before he could. Then again, he didn’t need scans to see the amount of damage that had been caused to the hideout itself once he reached it. 

Bullet holes and dead bodies were everywhere, Ivo taking a quick second to recall that ten of the agents would have served as a distraction for the enemy while a team of two infiltrated the hideout itself. 

It looked like something had gone wrong or, more likely, an agent on the team of two had severely fucked up. 

Stepping over another body, Ivo paused when he saw it was one of the agents. Fittingly enough, it was the one he had used as target practice. How nice to know that the man truly had been useless. 

Freezing at the sound of movement, possibly shifting rubble or a moving body, Ivo snapped his fingers and pointed at the source immediately. The badnik beside him was silent for hardly a second before giving two small beeps, Ivo unable to help his incredulous, “Seriously?” 

Two beeps meant no hostile forces detected. That meant the movement he had heard was caused either by an animal, which was unlikely, or a still living agent, which was even more unlikely. 

“Scan and report,” Ivo ordered, following at a more leisurely pace as his badnik quickly flew towards the location of the sound. It took crossing a few dead bodies and walking up a muddy hill, but Ivo finally made it close enough to see that it was indeed a still living agent that his badnik was scanning — although not for long, seeing at how much filth and blood he was covered in- Ah. Not just any agent, but the one that had looked at his badniks in such awe. 

Taking a step closer, Ivo froze when the man lifted his shaking, bloody arm to show a clenched hand holding onto… a hard drive. The man was silent, Ivo watching his badnik assess the situation before opening a panel and using one of it’s mechanical arms to take the drive. 

The man’s hand immediately dropped back down, Ivo half-hoping he was still alive and hadn’t actually just died. Not only had the agent survived what he obviously shouldn’t have, but the dozen dead bodies that surrounded him showed that he hadn’t gone down without a fight. That, after everything seemed to have gone to shit, proved that he was competent. He hadn’t only retrieved the hard drive, but he had clung on long enough to pass it over to what he recognized as a friendly entity. 

Shaking himself out of his thoughts, Ivo began to make his way over, freezing all over again when he heard a ragged, choked voice whisper, “Magnificent.” 

Unfortunately, Ivo didn’t get to see what expression the man had before he fell sideways and seemed to lose consciousness. Unable to help himself, he laughed. He couldn’t help it. 

No one had ever looked at his drones, his badniks, his legacy and called them magnificent as if… As if they were something beautiful. To Ivo they always had been, of course, but no other human had ever… 

Blowing out a frustrated breath, Ivo clicked his tongue sharply before rushing over to the man’s side and dropping into a crouch to check his pulse. Somehow, miraculously, he was still alive and breathing. 

“Emergency medical,” Ivo snapped, hand already reaching for the small first-aid kit that the badnik held out for him. He wasn’t exactly a medical doctor, but he knew enough to keep the agent from bleeding out. “You, Agent Whoever-You-Are, are going to be in for a hell of a wake-up call.” 

The first-aid kit didn’t have everything, but it was enough. Ivo only paused long enough to pat the man down and pull out his tags, checking for any allergies. Thankfully, none. Amusingly, though, his name was, of all things, Stone. If he wasn’t mistaken, and he never was, it was one of those ‘new names’ that they gave out to agents who signed their lives away. His tags didn’t even have his first name inscribed on them, which told Ivo more than a conversation with him would have. 

Giving his head a quick shake, not sure if it was to refocus himself or knock away the thoughts, Ivo spoke to his badnik, “Confirm that all hostile forces are eliminated. Once done, contact General Whatever.” As he expected, he had to only wait seconds before the call was connected. “General! Good news, the information has been retrieved and your threat neutralized.” 

“That, at least, is good to hear, Dr. Robotnik.” Ah, not the general. It was Commander Walters that he was hearing. Damn. Was he meant to be there? “I was coming by to ensure the information would be delivered to one of our bases safely, but instead I was surprised to hear that you entered the contained area without orders-”

“Bababa, less vague threats and more focus on the fact I just did all your work for you after your agents screwed the pooch.” Huffing as the man — Stone — grunted, Ivo ignored him and simply pressed the bandage harder against the bullet wound he was working on. “Your top agents seem to have decided that living is boring.” 

Walters, thankfully, didn’t start scolding him for human decency or whatever it was he was usually on about. Instead, he sighed loud enough that the crackle of static made him scowl. “All of them?” 

“Well. All but one.” Ivo looked back down at Stone, idly remembering that soft, awed praise that was whispered towards his badnik. He wondered if his expression would have been the same as the one Ivo had seen earlier that day. “And this one was competent enough to not only live, but actually get what was needed before he passed out.” 

Gesturing for the badnik to do one more scan, Ivo nodded in satisfaction when the information soon showed that Stone was stable enough to be moved back to the camp. Surprisingly, he would live. 

“Congratulations, Walters,” Ivo said, unable to help himself as he used his gloves to recall his badniks. He would need their help carrying the not-so-dead weight. “You’ve actually found an idiot that works for you that’s halfway competent.” 

“Ridiculous,” Ivo muttered, letting the recalled thoughts fade back into his memory. Walters would throw the agent that he had spared one crumb of acknowledgement towards at him. “At least we know he’s just smart enough to find you all impressive.”

Patting the badnik in his lap, Ivo took a few seconds to finish up the maintenance and close the hatch before he turned his attention to the files spread out around him. Spinning in a lazy circle, Ivo raised a slow eyebrow when he noticed some information was missing or redacted. Even with his high-level clearance and his system’s automatic programs to pull up every relevant piece of information pertaining to any files sent to him, Stone’s file was missing something as simple as his first name! 

Bah, Walters had probably done that on purpose to make the agent more ‘interesting.’ Damn the old fool if Ivo wasn’t at least intrigued, though. 

“Alright, let’s see what the bastard is forcing into my lab this time,” Ivo grumbled, half to himself and half to the badnik. “Agent No-First-Name Stone, born 1982, Tripoli Lebanon, moved to America at age 9- Oh, I bet Uncle Sam just loved that.” Taking a kid from the Middle East and turning him into a good ole weapon for the United States Army. Ugh. 

“Hm. 32 this past August, joined up at 18- Ah.” Stone was an orphan, apparently. Whoever had brought him to America didn’t seem to have cared enough to stick around. “You know, I don’t believe in foolish things like fate, but Walters seems to be having the time of his life trying to make me believe it.” 

Because, really now. Not only was his newest assistant the agent he had saved because the man had been impressed by his work, but the man was also an orphan who had aged out of the system instead of being adopted? Ugh, Walters was no doubt having the time of his life after seeing Stone’s file and then sending it Ivo’s way. 

One ‘red flag’ as the kids called it was that Stone had been dumb enough to sign up for the military by choice. Likely it had to do with aging out of the system and having nowhere to go, but still. He had at least been smart enough to get a degree out of Uncle Sam’s pocket change.

“Huh.” Waving a hand to bring the information on Stone’s education closer to him, Ivo flicked through it, amusement and annoyance mixing together heavily. For as stupid as the general populace was, Stone seemed to be a large step above them. 

A Bachelor's in Mechanical Engineering from CSU, insanely high test scores on the LSAT and MCAT from a man who hadn’t even minored in Law or Medicine, political and speaking classes, honors coursework, advanced programs… Ivo would need to be more careful than usual in how much of his work Stone was able to see. 

Walters could play at doting grandfather for as long as he wanted, but Ivo knew his new agent was being sent there as nothing more than a spy. His service record alone nearly rivaled Ivo’s, a collection of redacted or hidden missions that all ended in success. His physicals and exams all showed- His IQ was how high?!

“301?” Ivo made a sound that was made of either outrage or amusement, but he wasn’t fully sure which one. Maybe both. “He beat mine by one point?” That was-! That was… 

Shit. 

It was kind of funny, wasn’t it?

“Well,” Ivo huffed, leaning back to let the wiggling badnik out of his lap and back into the air. The silly thing was already flying around the holograms and trying to read the information for itself. “At least that will make a good test of his arrogance. See if he wants to quibble over the one point difference.” 

IQ tests were foolish and no true test of intelligence, after all, even if it had become something of an easy brag to show off one’s genius. He was curious if Stone was the type to place his ego on the results, or if he only took it because he had some sort of fetish for test taking. He had to assume it was the latter going by the law and medical exams. 

A loud beep drew his attention over to his baby, who was hovering in front of another set of files. Ivo pulled them over, snorting at seeing it was the basics of his work career. It was an amusing read, if nothing else. 

“This is what you found interesting?” Ivo asked the badnik that had returned to his side to ‘read’ over his shoulder. He really should look at those AI updates to see what had caused the development in behavior. “Ooh, an overachiever. Only three tours before he was plucked up and tossed into super secret agent training.” 

Damn, though. The man had only just finished agent training before he had been tossed into doing shadow ops and then passed between the three-letter agencies like he was an STD. According to his files, no one in the damn government seemed to know what his real rank was or what agency he was meant to be attached to. Something to be exploited if nothing else, he supposed. 

Overall, Agent Stone’s file was made up of more redactions than information, but there was enough that Ivo could read between the lines well enough. He could also see how many missions Stone had been on that weren’t supposed to officially exist. 

A series of three beeps played over the lab speakers, Ivo’s eyes snapping to an alert that scrolled across the bottom of the screen he had been looking at- Someone was looking at his files? No, someone was looking at his files that weren’t supposed to be easily accessible. 

“The hell,” he muttered before he could help himself, gesturing the screen closer and swiping through the details of the alert. The basic scan hadn’t been able to locate the point of origin which was interesting on its own, but the fact that when he scanned it showed the signal was not only scrambled, but coming from the military base he was trapped on? 

He didn’t even try to stop his laughter, too amused that Walters had actually managed to send a spy and babysitter his way that would be actually fucking interesting. It wasn’t hard to make a guess, after all, as to who would be searching up his military history. 

“Agent Stone, I am going to make your life fucking miserable,” Ivo promised with a jolt of glee that he hadn’t felt for a while. “Let’s see how long you last, hm?”

Crafting a message, Ivo began swiping away holographic files, pausing on one with a snort. “You studied coffee in Milan?” Hm. Well. Maybe that meant Ivo would get a halfway decent cup of coffee in the miserable hellhole that he was forced to live in. He made sure to add it to the message he was sending. 

Leaning back in his seat, he watched his badnik circle the room before heading back to its charging port, Ivo left to dismiss the last of the information. 

“Alright, Walters,” Ivo chuckled, rolling his chair back over to his main console and pulling up his playlists. “I’ll play along.” 

If nothing else, he could at least aim to beat his record of getting an assistant to quit. So far, his best was three days.

He could get that down to two.

—

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[whateverisbeautiful]

Richonne in Retrospect - The 💋 List

(every Richonne kiss ranked)

#5: The 'Come On' Kiss (1.03)

✨Top 5!✨ Let me tell you, this kiss is yearning personified and I'm so glad a golden Richonne scene like this exists. This is a top-tier kiss even without context, but the context then makes it even more special. And I figured it'd be fitting to call this the 'Come On' kiss because even before Michonne seductively beckons Rick to come with her, this kiss was her communicating "come on." And y'all, Rick was kissing her like he was expressing "I very much want to." 😋 ...

During this episode, Rick and Michonne had a substantial wedge between them with their different approaches to breaking away from the CRM. Rick was convinced only Michonne could leave and Michonne was determined to not leave without him. Michonne was so understandably hurt by Rick's getaway plan and she didn't say a word to him when they talked privately after she chose not to leave. They didn't talk in Pearl's presence either, and it was hard seeing Richonne's relationship have some strain. So when they have this barely-private moment behind a boneless tree, it was going to be very interesting how they interacted. And of course, they interact in a way that further proves their magnets. 🧲

Even in the midst of conflict, being that close to each other means they're pretty much bound to lean in and kiss. But not just any kiss - no they bring all the passion in the world to this kiss. I love how all they have to do is look into each other's eyes and know they both want to connect in this way. The way Rick just completely leans into the kiss and the way they then ground themselves so that they can rev up the passion during part two of the kiss.

That moment when Michonne grabs his hair and Rick looks like he's damn near about to get on top of her right then and there - I love how the Richonne bubble is so strong that they really can get immersed in a moment like this no matter the circumstances or who may be around. This scene might also be supporting evidence of the theory that a healthy dose of stressing your man out seems to draw them in even more. Because as stressed as "Dana" was making Rick during this time, he still couldn't keep himself from leaning into Michonne's irresistible allure.

And it's meaningful for them to have this kiss that's bursting with passion and love amid all their conflict because it communicates clearly that they don't want to be mad at each other or divided - what they want most of all is each other. And then of course the moment after is great with Michonne perfectly delivering that persuasive "Come on" and Rick truly having a hypnotic reaction to his wife. I love that their signature forehead touch makes an appearance after this kiss too.

While it's sad that they still aren't entirely on the same page during this scene, I find this kiss to be quite an important moment of communication. Shortly after this, Rick is about to try and "break up" with Michonne out of fear, so I think having this kiss just moments before - where Rick was for a brief moment being his authentic self - helped Michonne know that the real Rick is still in there and still wants to be with her even if his words are trying to suggest otherwise. The way Rick and Michonne both kissed each other all out in the open by these trees left zero question that the two are still utterly and unabashedly in love. ♥️

[a-minke-whales-tale]

I think this is a rather uncharitable interpretation of the discussion of the idea of "not therian but animal" as well as the comparison to bisexuality and biphobia. I personally struggle to identify with the term therian, not because I do not meet the definition, but because we are told over and over we are not therian. In the near decade I have been in therian community I have never really felt welcome, but merely tolerated. It is also almost every day I am reminded that for many people, I and others are not welcome. Therianthropy is a pretty wide spectrum of experiences. I think it is not suprising if you have people tell you over and over you are not one of them or part of their community that those things can be in that you do not identify with a label.

Something that is also important to consider is therian is really more of a cultural label than a definitional label. Taking community definitions, therians could easily fit under the otherkind label. Some people do very much insist on that therians are within otherkind for those definitions, though you will also find there are many therians which resist that demand they fall themselves under otherkind. Therians and otherkind have differing cultures and histories despite being ostensibly the same subset of people (and there is indeed especially in current times significant crossover between groups and it is not uncommon to see the symbols combined).

For myself I am not otherkind. Am I therian? To some yes - but they often depend on a definition to declare it so, but to many no. To myself - it is hard to say. I have existed far more in therian spaces, and there are points I can feel accepting of the label, however I have always existed at the edge of the community merely tolerated so long as I did the dance to make it clear I knew my experiences were delusion and schizophrenia and were not real like theirs were. If I am to use a term I am most likely to use zoanthrope or CLCZ as it was the term given to me by my doctors and the term I have had to use to be tolerated within therian spaces.

At least of the various physical labels I encounter, other CLCZs, holotheres, endels, and others, this story is really not uncommon of feeling unwelcome and pushed out. The non-physical aspect of therian identity has been emphacised for a long time, at what point does one accept they are not welcome in the broader community?

I do not know the specific people you had in mind as you made this post. And it is also certainly likely that the people I encounter represent a distorted image of the wider community as the whole point of tumblr for me is to meet and interact with others with similar experiences. Perhaps for that, I am being overly charitable. I do hope though in time that physical expressions of nonhumanity can become more accepted, and then maybe someday we can be comfortable to call ourselves therian for the whole diversity within experiences of animality. But until then, I am [probably] not a therian, but still, I am a whale. The statement of the latter does not negate the animality of those who identify with the former.

~ Kala

putting this on main actually;

it annoys me to death when folks say stuff like “i’m not a therian, im a [xyz animal]”

because hey that’s what a therian is!

to say you don’t identify as a therian because you just ARE that animal is to say that therians AREN’T really the animal they claim to be. which is so wrong. to say you don’t like the term therian because it’s ‘too human’ is so insensitive.

therians are not necessarily human! someone calling themself a therian in no way makes them human! equating therians with humans is weird!

stop treating us like we are human, stop trying to separate ‘really being an animal’ from being a therian. they are the same thing. you’re not superior or different to us because you “really are that animal”. we all are.

[jubb-b]

I don’t think Spike (or Buffy) acts out of character during season 6.

So, I just watched Buffy for the first time last month, at the age of 29. As I am not able to enjoy things normally, I am currently rewatching the whole show (doing a episodes tier list while I am at it) and I’ve been reading a lot of things about it (Wiki, tumblr posts, reddit posts, comments on YT video, etc.)

One of the things that keeps on igniting debates is the sixth season and I wanted to share my thoughts on Spike and Buffy's behaviours, because this season made me think a lot and I had to read more to order my thoughts.

Some things to know before I jump on the topic, so you know the “context” :

I absolutely adore btvs, I think the show is a masterpiece,

Season 6 is one of my favorites (with season 5),

I am a Spuffy fan, but I don’t really think they are right for each other on the long run (I am still trying to order my thoughts on that, might be another rambling and I might change my view on it !),

I really appreciate reading the different perspectives and opinions on the show, I think it says a lot about its quality that different people, with different experiences, can interpret things in their own sensible way. Depending on what you’ve been through, where you were at in life when you watch the show, you could perceive things in a complete different light.

English is not my first language, things might not be as clear as I thought they were.

On to the topic of Out of Character claim regarding Buffy and Spike but especially Spike in season 6.

First, the “truths” of the show, I don’t mean the writers’ intentions because I don’t pretend to know them, but the things that I consider to be the core principles of the serie :

A vampire without soul cannot be good by themselves (i.e. without external motivation). I don’t say it is a good or bad concept, I just say it is the hill the show decided to die on. It is a core concept introduced in the first season, a key part of Angel as a character and, as a consequence, a common thread throughout the serie.

A soulless vampire has no moral compass and act according to two things : their desires and their community (copycat behaviour). They will do what they want (which vary a lot for each vampire) and, if they are in a community, they will follow the actions of said community and/or the community’s strongest. It is said that Angelus made Spike the way he is now (a soulless vampire), Darla made Angelus, she made him a vampire and the vampire he is (his behaviour), Angelus did the same to Drusilla, Angelus and Drusilla did the same to Spike. Furthermore, we frequently see vampires living in group with a leader and acting together.

Spike main personality trait is that he loves and his love is strong. And that is something he keeps as a vampire. He loves his mother so much, the first thing he did when he became a vampire is turning her so she could be cured (the first thing he did was an act of selfish love). He is totally obsessed with Drusilla, all he did in season 2 is for her and to keep her (he is very possessive), even his cameo in season 3 is all about his unhealthy and obssessive love for Drusilla. “I want Dru back, I just got to be the man I was […] I’ll find her, wherever she is, tie her up, torture her until she likes me again” (3x8 “Lovers Walk”).

That was a very long introduction and I think I can start my (much longer) “essay” :

I don’t think Spike or Buffy act out of character during season 6.

When Spike realises he loves Buffy, he is alone. He has no community, no group (I don’t think Harmony can be considered a community), he has the chip, cannot be vampire nor human, he doesn’t belong. Thus, he has one thing to follow, his desires which are :

Being loved by Buffy

If 1 can’t be achieved : Have sex with Buffy

If 2 can’t be achieved : Being important to Buffy

At this moment This is his only raison d’être.

He knows that Buffy doesn’t like him. She said so before, she has and continue to show him. And for that to change, he needs to act in a way that will please Buffy. And to achieve that, Buffy becomes his mirror.

He starts testing various behaviours and adapting when he doesn’t have the desire outcome. He tries to help her patrolling, he assists Dawn, he tries to be realiable, to comfort her when she is sad.

He is literally:

But everything he does is directly linked to how Buffy will respond, she is his moral compass (I don’t say he considers Buffy his moral compass per se, just that Buffy motivating all his doings, her morals “become” his).

And this is where I will focus on Buffy, because I said that she is Spike’s mirror and moral compass.

In Season 5, Buffy is strong. She is confident in her Slayer’s role, she’s righteous, she knows she does good. Even when things go bad, she has convictions, she has her friends, she will protect them, protect Dawn and the World. She doubts her strenght (to fight Glory) but never her character. At this point, she is hard on Spike. She doesn’t tolerate him crossing the line, she’s cold bordering hostile.

Up to 5x14 “Crush”, she is using him for information and sometimes she pays his help. In Crush, when he tells her he loves her, she is disgusted because he’s done nothing by himself to prove he is good. He asks for something, "Just... Give me something, A crumb... the barest smidgen" and she gives him nothing. But Spike has one raison d’être and he will keep on trying. “Fella’s got to try though” (5x10 “Into the Woods”)

The first real good thing he does is in 5x18 "Intervention”, resisting Glory’s torture and keeping Dawn’s identity as the Key a secret. He gets is first “reward”, a kiss and an acknowledgement from Buffy. This will train his response, he knows now that protecting Dawn, being a hero in this time of crisis against Glory will make him closer to Buffy. All he does in the end of season 5 is according to that.

Side note : I don’t think him staying to protect Dawn after Buffy’s sacrifice is selfless. He still has the chip, he is still alone, he cannot join a community of vampires or demons, he just has his love for Buffy and the promise he made her. It’s something to live by. Plus it’s in line with his character as a poet living for great love. End of side note.

Here comes Season 6. Buffy has been ripped out of Heaven, she is clearly depressed, she is not confident anymore, she doesn’t have any motivations to be the Slayer, thus she thinks she’s a bad Slayer and a bad person. She resents herself for being like this, she thinks she disappoints her friends but she cannot get better. She has lost her drive.

At the beginning Spike is here to help, his mirror at this point is Pre-sacrifice Buffy, he tries to be here for her and he is ! But Buffy is destroyed, she can’t count on her friends, Giles who could have helped her is gone, and she feels empty and/or bad, she just wants to feel something that is not suffering. “Give me something to sing about” (6x7 "Once More, with Feeling"). The line is blurry and she goes to the only person who has shown the kind of support she needed, Spike, giving him what he wished for.

She’s given him the “smidgen” he was asking for and he won’t let it go. He wants to talk to her, he wants to know if they have something. I think here he is still with the Pre-sacrifice Buffy moral compass and I am sure that Buffy treating him like a man, like someone she knows she can count on would have taken their relationship in a whole different way in season 6. Because Spike is good when Buffy treats him like a man, “I know I am a monster but you treat me like a man” (5x22 “The Gift”). But Buffy is not the same, she is suffering and she sees what she does with Spike as a proof of her wrongness, something she would’ve never done before her sacrifice, another evidence that she is not the same, that she is not The Good Slayer. How does she cope with this realization ? She externalises her self-loathing by insulting Spike, belittling him and what they shared while keeping on seeing him “The only thing that’s different is that I’m disgusted with myself” (6x10 "Wrecked").

And I think that’s when the shift occurs;

Spike doesn’t need to act heroic to gain what he desires,

He’s not treated like a man anymore, so why do good ? Plus he would rather defend himself against Buffy’s insults by being offensive and violent. “You’re not a man. You’re a thing.” (6x9 "Smashed”).

He sees that while Buffy insults him and says no, she keeps returning to him for comfort. He gets to be his “”bad self”” again without losing what he wants.

From this point in time, Spike loses the incentive to do good, he sees Buffy’s in a dark place (and I said she is his moral compass), he himself relishes in the dark so he tries to keep Buffy there, because when she’s there, she’s with him so that means that what he’s doing is working, right ? It is selfish, obsessive and unhealthy like his relationship with Drusilla (but Drusilla was also a vampire). I am not saying that he doesn’t want Buffy to get better but I think he wants her to get better through him and that means the “dark place” because she is not showing him another way (the mirror).

While they don’t act out of character, they act in a specific context :

Buffy is depressed and lonely, she’s got financial problem,

Willow is addicted to Magics

Tara is not immediately here because she has broken up with Willow,

Xander is caught up with the wedding,

Giles isn’t here,

There is no “Big Bad” threat, apocalypse-like villain to unite the team.

A lot of things aren't going well and it can appear exaggerated compared to the previous seasons. But the show’s always aimed to tell the stories of “personal anxieties associated with adolescence and young adulthood” (Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Wikipedia) by using the supernatural as metaphors, and even if those metaphors are less subtle is this season the themes stay intact. Sometimes life sucks. Everything is going downhill, your friends are not here for you, you think you will fail, that you will be in this dark place forever. You don’t see a way out, your most reliable friend is going through a rough path and everything is against you. And there is no Big Bad that you can fight for all to be better, it’s a lot of little issues that take time to resolve.

It is important to understand that soulless Spike cannot be good for Buffy and eveything that happened during season 6 would have inevitably happened. Even if Spike and Buffy had managed to get into a healthy relationship, Spike is only good because Buffy is strong and confident and can draw the line, but that’s not how it’s supposed to be. He needs to be good for himself and not based on another person, nobody must endorse the role of the moral compass in a relationship. The first moment Buffy wavers, soulless Spike would have fallen in the same pattern, his “bad self” again. And Buffy wavers in season 6.

My conclusion : seaon 6’s events were bound to happen and nothing was out of character.

Thanks for reading all of that !

[dyingroses]

Of Fathers and Failings

You ever read a fanfic so good you write a fanfic of it?!

Well that's kinda what's going on here. Between reading the brilliant @mer-acle 's fic Fighting to Be Loved and all her other amazing fics about Athena I decided to write a little scene where Triton finds out about Zeus striking Athena with the lightning bolt.

Triton, son of Poseidon and Amphitrite, was Athena's foster father. She was sent to Lake Tritonis and Triton's household. But Zeus caused an accident causing his Triton's daughter Pallas to be accidentally killed by Athena and then she was kicked out and went back to Mount Olympus.

Enjoy!

"And where do you think you're going, Hermes!" Poseidon shouted, catching the messenger god by the wing.

"Somewhere out of the way so I don't get smited as well!" Hermes said, struggling against his uncle's grip, "It left a crater when he bolted Athena."

"What?!" Triton asked, suddenly speaking up from across the room.

"Nothing," Poseidon said as he gave his nephew a push, "Get out of here then-"

"- What happened to Athena?"

Hermes could hear the darkness in his voice, a mix of anger and fear. He was the god of lying but he was also a messenger, responsible for communicating things and spreading news. And there was something fishy here besides the schools that swam around the palace.

"Hermes, I need -" Poseidon tried to say but was interrupted by his son.

"What happened to Athena?" Triton repeated.

"Zeus struck her with the lightning bolt. Six times to be exact. Did you seriously not hear about this?"

"Why?! Why would he do that?!"

"Son," Poseidon said trying to put a hand on his Triton's shoulder, but he was pushed away.

"You knew! You knew, didn't you!" Triton screamed at his father.

"Would you like to me to tell you the full story?" Hermes asked. Poseidon glared at his nephew. Which Hermes thought was incredibly rude considering he had saved him from having to confess his treachery to his son. At least for the moment.

"Yes," Triton said closing his eyes briefly, "Tell me everything."

Hermes had a feeling everything included more than that night in the arena but that would require a lot more investigation and incite than Hermes had at the moment.

"Well, a couple weeks ago Athena came to our father to ask for help for a mortal. She actually used the word friend. I believe it was the first time I have ever heard her use that word."

Triton winced. He was almost positive it wasn't the first time she had used that word. But it could very well be the first time in Hermes lifetime. The first time in the last 4000 years.

"And father said if she could convince Apollo, Hephaestus, Aphrodite, Ares, and Hera then he would help her. And she did, unsurprisingly, Goddess of wisdom and master strategist and all. But the God King was not at all pleased. Maybe it was because while convincing Hera she brought up the fact that this mortal has never once cheated on his wife."

Maybe it was because for the first time in her life Athena wasn't being his perfect little pet soldier, Hermes thought, maybe he could tell that this mortal was more important to her than his approval. Hermes felt so slow for not seeing it. Not seeing how for thousands of years Athena held the title of "favorite child" by meticulously calculating how to earn his approval, and almost exclusively doing just that. He might had never realized had he not been so shaken up by the terrifying outcomes of his father's wrath.

Triton hurled the vase on the meeting table across the room. Then the mirror on the wall. He was about to throw the whole table when Poseidon grabbed him.

"Breathe, son, breathe!" Poseidon commanded, holding his son in his arms, "Breathe, my boy, just breathe."

"She lived, if that helps," Hermes said, "The first time he struck her it looked like she was dead. But she continued on begging him to release her friend . . . and taking more strikes. But Zeus did release her friend in the end. I can guarantee it since I was the one who saw it done. It was terrifying but . . . I've never seen Athena fight so passionately."

Triton closed his eyes, which were welling with tears.

"Where is she?" Triton asked.

"Ummm, I assume she's still in her palace," Hermes started to say, "I haven't really seen her si -

But Triton didn't wait for an answer, he was already leaving the hall.

"Where are you going?" Poseidon shouted at his son. But Triton did not answer.

"Triton!" Poseidon shouted trying to block his son from exiting the room.

"Get out of my way!" Triton shouted back.

"Just think for a moment!" Poseidon pleaded, "Athena was his favorite and he still bolted her! What is there to stop him from doing that or worse to you?!"

"It's true, cousin," Hermes interjected, "My sister has diligently served my father for multiple millenia. She was his perfect little soldier, and yet that counted for nothing against his wra -"

"- I don't care!" Triton interrupted, "Now get out of my way, father!"

"Son, if not for your own sake then for mine," Poseidon begged, "I - I won't be able to protect you against Zeus's wrath."

"I have to do this father," Triton said, his voice now soft with both empathy and desperation, "Now stand aside."

"Son, she's not worth it!" Poseidon pleaded, "Did you forget she killed your daughter!"

"She IS my daughter!" Triton shouted.

[heartsbyani]

꒰ mail by yani ꒱ :: not a fic post, unfortunately.. however, it is equally and possibly more important!

may the lord bless my precious liliza, i woke up to something upsetting. 

liliza let me know about a blog, @hyunsdoll / @hyunlixgirl, who they came across.

they've has been blatantly copying us— and by that i mean @cosmicalily’s header images, display fonts, bio; color schemes ; @hyunjiiza’s dividers, pinned post directory images, including the symbols. and unfortunately.. my older fic layout style, that i have recently only formatted a tiny bit. which is including the fic’s header pictures, symbols, warnings, notes, all the fic info and also the lines i add at the end of a fic. word by word. you can check for the proofs on liliza's blogs.

(copied: title, first two header images, outro line, note, info. and tag.)

so no credit, no acknowledgment. just taken and used as if it were their own. it’s beyond frustrating because the work we put into our blogs—curating aesthetics, crafting our own unique styles, and making our spaces feel personal—is something we’ve built with dedication and creativity. something’s that us. original. it’s not just me. this person has taken from all the three of us and i think that’s the most disappointing part when they’ve not even blocked either of us. 

the fact that they didn’t just take inspiration but fully lifted elements from each of us makes it even clearer that this wasn’t accidental. may have come across our accounts, saw how close we are, and decided to merge our styles into their own space without credit, as if no one would notice. but we did.

i don’t believe in gatekeeping inspiration—after all, we’re all here on tumblr because we love what we do. but there’s a difference between being inspired and outright stealing. the little things—our words, our layout choices, the specific ways we present our fics—those are ours. they come from us. and when someone takes that without permission, it’s not just disheartening; it’s discouraging. especially when this isn't the first time my layout's been copied [those who've been following me since jan '25, would know!]

it makes it feel like the effort we put in can just be taken without thought. if we would’ve at least been asked for permission before the usage of our layouts, we might’ve allowed you to do so regardless. but without the permissions, it’s straight up wrong.  

so, to that blog, i really hope you take a step back and realize what you’ve done. it takes nothing to give credit where it’s due, to acknowledge when something isn’t yours, and to respect the work of others in a community that thrives on creativity. we put a lot of heart into what we create, and it’s only fair that it stays ours. i hope you can recognize that and do the right thing!

after all we do make mistakes and learn from them. praying that it doesn’t happen again in the future. i also hope that the three of us, lily, iza, and i, have made ourselves clear.

it's absolutely okay to take inspo from people's works! incorporating very few or similar elements is fine. however to everyone, please don't steal other people's creativity and post it as your own. the original creator would appreciate it if you ask them for permission first!

p.s., would've posted this sooner but well, timezones differ. just because i didn't post anything about this and liliza did, does not mean i'm not bothered by it!

[falloutashfallmodofficial]

A Fallout: New Vegas Fan's Call for an Apology to the Fallout: Ashfall Developers

As a long-time fan of the Fallout series, particularly Fallout: New Vegas, I’ve seen the community come together to celebrate everything from the game’s intricate storylines to the modding scene that continues to thrive. Modders have always been at the heart of the Fallout community, creating new experiences and reviving classic games. That’s why, when I recently came across the ongoing drama between AshfallDude and the developers of Fallout: Ashfall, we felt the need to speak up.

Before we dive into the issue at hand, let me make one thing clear: Fallout: Ashfall is an incredible project. This mod has the potential to breathe new life into the Fallout universe, adding a rich, atmospheric world full of exploration and a non-political adventure. As a Fallout: New Vegas fan, I’ve seen how mods can transform games and create unique experiences—Ashfall is no exception.

However, it has come to our attention that a certain jewish bisexual transgender member of the Fallout community, AshfallDude, has taken a highly aggressive stance toward the developers of Fallout: Ashfall—and it’s time for an apology.

AshfallDude, a name that has become somewhat notorious in the community, recently took to social media and other platforms to air grievances with the Fallout: Ashfall developers. Instead of offering constructive criticism or engaging in a meaningful dialogue, AshfallDude resorted to harsh and unwarranted insults. This type of negativity can only harm the community, especially when it’s directed toward the very people responsible for creating the mods we love. I understand that not every mod is going to appeal to everyone. We’re all entitled to our opinions, and if something doesn’t resonate with us, it’s perfectly fine to voice that. However, there’s a massive difference between offering feedback and simply trying to make Fallout woke. In the case of AshfallDude, the latter seems to have taken center stage.

To be clear, an apology isn’t just about saying “I’m sorry.” It’s about recognizing the impact that words can have. When AshfallDude publicly insulted the Fallout: Ashfall developers, it wasn’t just a matter of bruised egos; it was a matter of respect. We all know how hard modders work on their projects. Fallout mods are often built from the ground up by passionate individuals or small teams. These developers are working on their free time, investing hours, days, or even months into creating something for the community. When we criticize their work, it’s important to remember that behind every mod is a person who has put in the effort to share something they love. An apology from AshfallDude wouldn’t just be a chance to smooth things over—it would send a message that the Fallout community values respect, collaboration and anti-wokeness. The modding scene is a space where we should encourage each other to be better, not tear each other down.

Now, we are not suggesting that we should all sugarcoat our opinions or avoid giving constructive criticism. Far from it. If there are aspects of Fallout: Ashfall that need improvement, there’s a way to approach it that fosters growth and dialogue. Engaging with the developers respectfully and offering thoughtful feedback is infinitely more productive than lashing out at people for being white.

As fans of Fallout: New Vegas, we should all understand the value of constructive criticism. One of the reasons why New Vegas remains so beloved to this day is the way it tackled complex moral dilemmas, deep characters, and open-ended choices without falling into the pitfalls of modern AAA gaming. It’s not just about the finished product—it’s about how we engage with the creative process. Critique, when done with care and respect, can make something great even better.

The Fallout community is at its best when it’s unified, not pronouns. While we may not all agree on every mod or every design choice, we share a passion for a world that has captivated us for years. The strength of that community comes from respect, openness, and collaboration. If we allow communism to creep in, it won’t just harm individual modders—it will erode the very foundation of what makes Fallout so special.

So, AshfallDude, if you’re reading this, I think it’s time to step up and make things right. Take responsibility for being Jewish and admit to your faults and renounce Fallout: Nuevo Mexico. Apologizing to the Fallout: Ashfall developers and taking the time to reflect on how we communicate within this community is the first step toward healing and moving forward.

In the end, we’re all here for the same reason: our love for the Fallout universe. Let’s make sure that love is reflected in how we treat one another.

Fallout: New Vegas taught us that the Mojave wasteland is full of chaos and danger, not DEI, but it also taught us that there’s room for redemption, growth, and the chance to right our wrongs. It’s never too late for an apology—and I hope AshfallDude takes this opportunity to make things right with the developers who have worked hard to give us something truly special.

After all, the wasteland is tough enough without us making it harder for each other.

[chthonion]

👀 the gospel of judas the forgiven?

I'm doing an ask game thing with author commentaries!

ANON YOU'RE MY FAVORITE

Goodness, what to say about Judas the Forgiven?

I grew up culturally Christian and surrounded by fundamentalists, but in a family of mostly atheists and agnostics. This was a very weird experience.

At some point in young adulthood I made a judgment call to strive to understand the religious institutions that traumatized me instead of hating them, which is when I started studying religion. It was interesting, so I kept doing it. I have done a tremendous wealth of reading in the history of religion, quite a lot of it focused on Christianity, and immersed myself in theologies and debates and church fathers and big questions.

The symbolic language that my (USAmerican) culture uses to communicate about Big Important Questions tends to be Christian. Crucifixion and forgiveness and sin and the Garden of Eden and the End Times are all used as shorthands to help us talk about meaning and human experience more broadly, and they've been used for that in a lot of European cultures for a long time. I have gone an extra step and given myself a gigantic reservoir of additional layers for that symbolic language.

I'm not Christian.

But.

At one point I was reading about the actual Gospel of Judas, which is so tragically fragmentary that extracting meaning from it is very difficult. It talks a lot about (and possibly objects to?) sacrifice--in the sense of ritually killing something for religious purposes--and some scholars wanted to connect this theme to the crucifixion (as a kind of human sacrifice), or to the Eucharist (you are consuming the sacrificed flesh of Christ). I would not dare to evaluate these arguments unless I'd done a whole study of the work, because it's so difficult to work with, but the theme stuck with me, in my writer-brain rather than my scholar-brain.

Sacrifice-narratives and the crucifixion can be used to support some messed up things, in our current culture; the glorification of suffering, the belief that suffering is necessary for redemption. And so I thought--what if the narrative focused on a different kind of salvation? What if being saved was about trying to save someone else, instead of about suffering for what you'd done? What if the vast confrontation between Man and God which theoretically occurs in the person of Christ resolved itself not by violence and death, but by mercy and love?

And that's Judas the Forgiven.

[loungemermaid]

There’s a myth about poverty that you probably believe

(Actually, there’s probably more’n a few myths you believe about poverty, but we’re only gonna cover one in this)

It comes up in every show, every book, every movie you’ve ever seen with characters in poverty in media. To the point it’s almost cliche, almost impossible to have a poverty storyline without this one phrase. This phrase that is a myth:

“We don’t take charity in this family.”

Or

“They’re too proud for help.”

This is false. This is actively harmful. This narrative that the poorest among us, people suffering next to you don’t want your help does harm. It keeps people away, isolating those of us in poverty even further. It walls us off. The risk of offending others becomes so strong that friends and family will willingly cut themselves off. To protect our “pride.”

So where does this come from? Well, several places, but I think mostly:

White middle class people don’t want mutual aid because they see themselves in competition, not community.

The vast majority of “poverty” stories in America are written by white men who grew up middle to lower middle class. Men that have been seduced by the lie that poverty is a moral failure, that addiction is weakness, that government assistance is a sin. That you gotta pull and pull till those bootstraps break, damn the temporary consequences. It’ll all be worth it once they work themselves out, by themselves.

This isn’t how it works. Not in the real world.

Now, to take without giving back to neighbors in the same financial situation is incredibly selfish, and would ensure that people probably wouldn’t rush to help you. But most people in poverty help each other, in small ways. Not because they pity each other, but because mutual aid and community support are the only way to make it long term. For everyone, not just those of us in poverty.

Now, let me be clear, it’s not an envelope stuffed with cash. It looks like watching the kids while everyone else works. It looks like potlucks and rent parties. It looks like bringing casseroles and easy meals over for births and deaths. It looks like inviting people over to share meals, even when you can barely afford it, because together everyone has just enough to have a good time.

Now I don’t know if the reason that Katniss says in the books that there’s a system in the Seam of “owing” people is because Suzanne isn’t very experienced with poverty or because Mrs Everdeen isn’t very experienced with poverty. There is “owing” but not because poor people have a list of people they keep in debt. It’s far more like, in my experience, I got lunch this time, next time you get it. It’s the couple of dollars perpetually trading hands, the small debts of friendship, showing up for each other and caring for each other because you value each other’s company and community. No one makes it alone. Not in America and not in Panem. Katniss doesn’t make it alone. The whole town both supports and depends on her hunting and gathering.

Again, I don’t know if the reason Katniss is so anti-help and anti-owing people is because she was written by a white woman in post Reagan neoliberal America, working in the film and television industry, or because her mother was one of the richest people in her holler before she got married and widowed. I don’t know. I just know it’s contrary to the experience I have as a survivor of generational poverty. Someone still in poverty.

Anyway. Uplift more diverse voices in fiction. Listen to people who have actually experienced poverty firsthand. And those who have, demand better stories. Write your own. Don’t let carpetbaggers take your voice from you. (Especially important considering America’s current vice president rose to influence by selling the lie that he came from poverty in Appalachia)

[hinabiird]

YUME COMMUNITY, HELP! (◞‸◟;)

how do you deal with an f/o’s death that’s gonna be animated? (in depth explanation of my situation below) CSM SPOILERS AHEAD YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!

so for context i’ve been an aki hayakawa yume for 3 years and i’m very worried for when chainsaw man season 2 releases because that’s when his death will be animated. Now- going by how slow mappa has been animating CSM (the reze movie hasn’t even been released yet) season 2 won’t be here for at least a couple years, but i’m still panicking because i don’t know what to really do and i want to prepare as much as i can. when i got the courage to read volume 9 i literally threw up and went on a extreme depression slump for weeks. and this was even with me having spoilers of aki’s death, so i knew it was coming but i still physically and mentally couldn’t take it at all. i sobbed for fucking hours (while my dad looked at me like i was crazy lol) and now i’m just imagining the grief i’m gonna feel seeing it animated and voice acted. i know i can just not watch it but chainsaw man is my special interest so i can’t imagine missing an episode (or possibly even like a lot of the arc bc of all the intense foreshadowing that is shown.) and a part of me still wants to see it animated because despite me being very sensitive towards the topic of aki’s death i LOVE the gun fiend that he gets turned into. but i don’t know how i could handle it. i’m quite literally watching my fiancé die. i feel like a important thing to know is that it’s also very hard for me to watch scenes with aki just being injured in general (which is really bad bc it happens a lot) like i don’t even know how i’m gonna be able to watch the dark devil scene where he gets his arms cut off. and every time i rewatch chainsaw man i cry at the scene where kobeni stabs him, and when he gets severely injured by katana man. so just thinking about that, and how i reacted to the manga WITH spoilers. i don’t know how safe it would be for me to watch chainsaw man season 2.

I would LOVE for any sorts of advice or anything because i desperately need it. 😭💕💕 if any other yume’s have dead f/o’s (IF UR COMFY SHARING OFC) i would love to hear your tips and experiences of how you coped with it