#this clip is so old but idc

[ddodol]

hi yall

[todayisafridaynight]

desperate to make a swearing compilation of Y7's eng dub

[seaside-lovers-archive]

popping in from the void rq to say i have two new unfortunate crushes. i know i have terrible taste, pls dont slaughter me 😔 okay goodbye now

[6ebe]

a lot of people on here weirdly obsessed with f1 drivers as children 🤨

[botchedsundoll]

L. KENNEDY, C. REDFIELD, C. OLIVEIRA X READER (SEPARATE)

ೃ⁀➷ sypnosis; general relationship/ domestic hc’s

ೃ⁀➷ warnings; none!

ೃ⁀➷ author’s note; hi giys my requests r open😝 request please… pls☹️, idc if some of these r ooc in my world they are very much in character i love them all so much oh my god, didn’t include much abt their jobs bcos i wany thrm all to be happy okay..

C. OLIVEIRA

have you seen them photos of them big beefy scary men underneath like thick hello kitty or very feminine blankets? yeah that’s him

SNORES. SNORES SO LOUDLY. he wraps his arms around you instinctively at night and his grip is so tight you genuinely can’t escape his warmth or snoring

on the topic of that, he runs warm. he’s a genuine heater in winter - cold? cuddle up to him, saving money on the heating. win win!

whenever he comes home from the gym or wherever and he spots you watching one of your shows on the tv, he’ll stand behind the couch and watches it himself before eventually sitting down besides you. he can’t help it

every friday IS date night. whether that be something as simple as dinner at home together or something as extravagant as going to a fancy restaurant, the two of you are spending time together. he will make sure of that

going off of my previous hc’s, he can’t bake for life of him. cooking he’s rather okay-ish with all the simple stuff but baking? alone? absolutely not

the two of you decided to bake something for one of your date nights once. you asked him to pour flour and cocoa powder into the wet ingredients and turn the mixer on - he forgot to put the splashguard on and turned it right up to the fastest setting

safe to say your kitchen, and carlos, looked as if they’d just came out of winter wonderland

gives off the biggest girl dad vibes. just imagine him letting his little girl put random clips and bows in his hair jshwiaianwi omg

he has such a soft spot for strays. has genuinely brought home a puppy before because he saw it laying out by the dumpster before and couldn’t leave it alone

he’s all over you. CONSTANTLY. arm over your shoulder, hand on your hip. he can’t get enough of you

L. KENNEDY

he wakes up a few minutes earlier than he actually needs to (when he does actually fall asleep) just stare at you and how peace you look asleep

you’ve asked him to help you with your hair so many times to the point he’s genuinely become an absolute professional at it. the moment you give him that look he tells you to turn around and starts working his magic

keeps photos of you in his wallet, he knows deep down its rather risky but can’t help himself

in the instances that he does fall asleep before you (extremely rare) and you cuddle up against his side, his arm automatically wraps around you. it’s like muscle memory at this point

has your name engraved into his key chain on his keys

ALWAYS helps out with dinner whenever he’s home, despite you constantly telling him to get the fuck out and relax for a bit. ends up in him dancing with you in the kitchen

his showers are like, the ideal temperature- perfect for you to just hop in with him. he never minds and rather welcomes it

ALWAYS SURPRISES YOU FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY!! goes absolutely FULL out, waking you up with kisses on your shoulder, an expensive outfit you’ve had your eye on for a while, extravagant dinner and a nice little stroll in the park at night. switches it up every year so you never know what’s coming

has you as his emergency contact for sure

plays old rock songs in the car. causes you to make fun of him and call him an old american dad - even though you definitely don’t actually like the song. definitely

C. REDFIELD

i just KNOW this man can be out sass you during arguements. growing up with claire certainly prepared him for that

he’s gone quite most of the time, so he makes sure to spend as much time as possible with you whenever he can

recently saw this thing where it was an ex military with his kids, where he’s shouting out orders like a drill sergeant during bath time. chris. it just screams chris.

— “I’M PUTTING SHAMPOO IN YOUR HAIR, DO NOT OPEN YOUR EYES! DO YOU UNDERSTAND?”

— “OK!”

just imagine hearing that every time it’s his turn with bath time. just constant giggles and shouts (if there r kids ofc)

you and claire are CLOSE. chris has made sure of that, definitely introduced you two once he knew it was getting serious

regrets it at times, as whenever something happens at home with the two of you - no matter how stupid the arguement may hve been claire is always the first to know. and always the first to knock some sense into her brother

wears hawaiian dad shirts in summer. for a fact.

like carlos, runs SO WARM. feels as though he’s an actual bear and has genuine fur on him keeping him so warm

sleeps flat on his back, arms by his sides. usually a very light sleeper but at times absolutely nothing will wake him up. you’re free to roll around all over him, strew your legs out over him and he’ll simply stay lying on his back like always. hands by his sides and the only indication of him actually being alive being the rise and fall of his chest

his appetite is absolutely outrageous. you best believe whatever you make is being absolutely devoured, he loves your cooking. sometimes all he needs is some home cooked dinner to put a smile on his face

he will genuinely let you do almost anything to him. you wanna massage his back? sure. do a face mask on him? alright, but no photos. wax a patch of hair on his leg? did it before, never letting you do it again. he has a hard time saying no to you - he’s lost too much people, he needs to make the most of his time with you

[silentglassbreak]

hi bestie is it too late to request? you said you liked writing angst, well, i love reading it 💔💔painfully unrequited love!!!!! gimme gimme

friends with benefits with (overly affectionate!!!!) Noah and reader who falls sick to her stomach head over heels in love with him. blurring the lines between sex and love.

going to a bad omens concert however long after and it’s like they’re strangers oOF rip my heart out and stomp on it idc. been listening to Novocaine on a loop all day. i’m not okay

feel to totally disregard if you’re not feeling it angel <33 thank you bby I love your writing 🥺🥺

Angst............. UGH I've been WAITING babes. My goal is to rip your heart out...fair fucking warning. MMMLOVEYOUUUUU. After Writing Notes: I'm the actual worst. I hope you don't hate it!

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: smut, heartbreak, lots and lots of angst

Can You Feel My Heart

Love languages are such a strange concept, aren't they? That seems to be a fairly new idea that someone came up with in the last decade or so?

If you like to buy love...your love language is gifting.

If you can't communicate well...your love language is affection.

If the only way you know how to show feelings is with sex...your love language is intimacy.

At what point are we allowed to call someone out for being a dick? At what point are we allowed to confront the fact that someone is skipping around the idea of commitment, and ask them to just admit what they really want?

This wasn't the first time these thoughts had danced around my head, in the wee hours of the morning, while Noah's arm laid heavy across my waist, him snoozing behind me.

Noah and I had been friends since we were seven years old. We met on the playground at the park in the center of the neighborhood of our small town in West Virginia. He told me he liked my butterfly hair clips, and I let him have the blue one. He wore it in his hair every day for three weeks.

He grew up in a broken home, only his Mom around most of his years, and even then - that relationship was...strained. So many nights he had snuck into my bedroom window, curling up next to me, tears free falling down his cheeks. We never talked about why, but it didn't take a psychic to figure it out.

He moved in with his Grandmother when he was fourteen, and even though he lived in the next town over, he still made it a point to take the city bus to me every day after school, even when he dropped out.

We were never more than twin flames, incapable of existing without each other, moral support for the other during any type of hardship. Looking back, I guess that was what built our serious dependence issues.

"I can't live without you, Y/N. I'll die if I ever lose you."

"No you won't Noah, don't be stupid."

He was stupid. As stupid as they come, because when I turned eighteen, and started college, he had paid one of his friends to drive him all the way up to Columbus to see me. He showed up at the door of my dorm, drunk and broken, blathering on about how only having been away from me for a week had killed him, and he needed to see me.

That was the first night he kissed me, and I let him.

As most people do when having grown up with someone so closely, I had developed an attachment to Noah very early on. I first recognized it when he turned twelve, and started skateboarding. He would insist on trying to teach me how, despite my undeniable clumsiness. His hands would grip my hips, his face so close to my ear, and his chest pressed to my back. He would talk in this deep voice, his puberty hitting early. I was awe-struck.

He was my best friend, sure. But he belonged to me, that's what he always said.

Even when he had girlfriends, I always came first. Dates would get cancelled for me; plans changed. Hell, he even blew off one girl whose birthday fell on the same day as mine. I was his priority. I was his person.

So when he leaned in to me, sitting on the edge of my mattress in the dorm, liquor stained-breath against my face, I just closed my eyes and let it happen.

He spent the night with me, and had to leave early. Vowing to come back, he never broke his word.

There he was the following weekend, sober this time, with snacks, DVDs, and a week’s worth of clothes. I managed to hide him in my room for four days before the dorm advisor caught him.

The second day he was there was the first time we had sex. I was a virgin, and he was not. That hurt me, sure. Not enough to deny him what was rightfully his. I belonged to Noah, body and soul. He took his time, walked me through it, and gave me the best possible experience I could expect. It hurt, and it was weird, but a sense of relief washed over me.

We had finally crossed that threshold. We had sex three times that week, until he was forced to leave.

That's when the words left his mouth.

"We need to talk."

That conversation broke something inside of me. He loved me, but he didn't love me. He was honored to have been allowed to give me something so meaningful, but he could never see me as more than his best friend. Our friendship was too important, and he wouldn't even allow himself to entertain the idea of jeopardizing that. He had made up his mind, and he couldn't have feelings for me.

It was with the heaviest heart imaginable, I sucked back my tears, painted an easy smile on my face, and held his hands in mine.

"I totally understand, Noah. No worries! We can just have fun, you know?"

And that was it. We were stuck in this sick, frozen place for the last two years. I was about to finish my Associates in Columbus, and hoped to become pre-med at Boston U, but Noah didn't know that yet. I could never figure out how to tell him.

Noah Davis was this heavy, bright flame that I was desperately afraid to extinguish. He had formed a band right after our arrangement began, and he was twenty-four hours away from leaving on their first major tour that would take him around the entire country, and then across the Atlantic to Europe.

How could I tell him that while he was gone, I was likely moving even further, and starting my life without him?

I didn't want to live without him, but he was leaving, and I couldn't sit and wait forever...

I breathed out a sigh, the light beginning to stream in the window of my one-bedroom apartment. He needed to wake up, drive home, and make sure he was ready to leave tomorrow. It was only 6AM, so I knew he'd be cranky, but I couldn't put this off any longer.

“Noah?” I breathed out his name. He groaned in response. “You’ve got to get up. You have to get ready to head home.”

"Mm, ten more minutes." I rolled my eyes, and began sliding out from underneath him.

His arm locked, and held me in place. I giggled, and saw as he turned his face, one eye cracking open. "Don't get up. It's too early."

I narrowed my eyes. "I have class at 8AM."

Noah used his strength against me, pulling my body to him and holding me tight so I couldn't get up. This only made me laugh louder.

"You don't need to get up for another hour."

"Not if I want to shower."

He sighed into the pillow. "So crazy, cause I don't think you do."

I rolled my eyes. "Dude, you've got to get home. Nick will kill us both if you're not ready in time."

"I'm not scared of her." He smirked, and I smacked his arm.

"Shut up. And get off me!"

He stuck his bottom lip out, pouting heavily.

"Not going to work. C'mon." I wriggled hard enough to break his grip, and sat up, stretching my arms over my head. He sat up as well, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

I pulled a robe over myself, turning to look at him as he scrolled through his phone, checking messages.

"Coffee?" I asked, and he threw a thumbs up at me.

I left the room, headed for the kitchen, trying to keep my breathing even. I had very little time left.

Filling the pot with water, I felt his arms wrap around me from behind, his face burying in my neck.

"I don't want to go. I'm going to miss you so much."

I leaned into the touch, taking anything I could at this point. "I know. I'll miss you more."

He scoffed. "Not a chance."

Holding me for a few more moments, he let go to head to the fridge, pulling out the bagels and cream cheese, and plopping down at the dining table. I continued my work of preparing our coffee.

"Hey, uh," I started, keeping my voice as calm as I could. "there's something I wanted to chat with you about."

I turned around, two hot mugs in my hand. He was spreading the cream on a bagel, already having prepared one for me. I sat next to him at the table.

"What's up?" He didn't look up at me.

"I told you I had been trying to decide where to start medical school?" He just nodded in response. "Well, I find out today if I got into Boston."

He halted, his eyes snapping up to me. "Boston?"

I took a sip of coffee. "They've got the best med program on the East coast-"

He cut me off. "Since when were you looking on the East coast?"

His tone was darkening. This was going to go about as well as I expected.

"Since I realized I had a chance. Noah, my GPA and scholar program gives me a real shot."

He grit his teeth, setting his bagel down. "Boston is far, Y/N."

I kept calm, setting my mug down as well. "I know."

"So, why would you want to be so far away?"

"Well, you're going far too, Noah. Your first show is in San Diego."

He sat back in his chair. "Yeah, but the last one puts me right back here in Columbus for a month before I go overseas."

I nodded. "I know. I'll still be here, then. You get back six weeks before the end of the semester."

He closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. "You can't go to Boston."

There was a finality to his tone, and something about it made my insides flinch with irritation.

"Oh no? And if I do?"

"You can't."

I narrowed my eyes at him. "Can't? And since when do you tell me what I can and can't do?"

He rolled his eyes, standing from the table and walking over to the trash, binning the half of his bagel he didn't eat. "We can't be that far away from each other."

Lifting my eyebrows, I stood as well, crossing my arms. "And why is that, Noah?"

He leaned back against the counter. "Y/N, you know why."

"What? So you have someone to fuck whenever you want? Whenever one of your little groupies isn't around?"

His eyes popped open, then. "What?"

"You heard me." My tone was deadly, matching my stare at him.

"You really think the only reason I want you close is because of the sex?" He seemed truly stunned.

"Well, why else would you want me around?" I threw my hands up, walking back down the hallway toward my bedroom. I could hear his footfall behind me. I just continued, stepping into the closet to get dressed.

"What is that supposed to mean? I always want you around."

Rolling my eyes, I clasped my bra on and popped my head out to look at him. "Noah, I'm convenient for you. Unless you have any other valid reasons to keep coming over, I don't know why else it matters."

His jaw dropped open. "That is not true."

Pulling my shirt on, I scoffed. "Please, dude. Spare me the act, okay?"

"What act?"

I pulled my jeans on, buttoning them before stepping out to face him again. "The 'you're my person, and I can't lose you' act." I quoted myself. Something about that pissed him off, because he crossed his own arms and stared me down.

"The fuck are you getting at, Y/N?"

I shook my head, brushing past him, and walked toward the bathroom.

"Noah," I turned to look directly at him. "we've been at this for years. It's kind of old, don't you think?"

His face softened slightly. "We had an agreement."

I nodded. "You're right, we did. Just sex, for the sake of our friendship. That's what you wanted."

"I thought that's what we wanted."

Waving a hand between us, I took a step toward him. "Oh no, Noah. That's what you wanted. Not me."

He was silent, then.

"I wanted more. I always have. I thought that had become clear over the years, but I fucking guess not." I could hear my voice raising a few octaves. "You didn't give me a choice. You came in, broke that boundary, and then put it right back up again. And I stayed, just so I wouldn't lose you."

I could feel the tears beginning to well in my eyes.

His voice came out small, then, his hands now buried in his pockets.

"What do you want from me, Y/N?"

I sighed, letting one tear escape. "I want you to love me."

He pulled his hands out, stepping toward me and taking one of mine. I let him.

"I do love you!"

I stared at him, my teeth ground together. "Do you? The way I love you?"

Noah was a lot of things. He was brilliant, funny, generous, dedicated. He had the most redeeming qualities of anyone I knew.

And sure, he could be stupid. But not that stupid.

He had known how I felt about him. Of course he did. That was why I kissed him every chance I got. Why I always let him in. Why I never dated anyone else. Why I stayed all this time.

But here? In this moment? He was the biggest idiot I knew, because he dropped my hand, his eyes falling with it, and took a step backward.

"I..." He huffed out a breath, looking back up at my tear-stained face. "I can't. I'm sorry."

I averted my eyes, then. I could feel myself breaking, crumbling right before him.

"You need to leave, Noah."

I could feel he wanted to pull back to me, like a moon in orbit of a planet. Gravity. But he didn't. He just stepped back toward the doorway.

"What does this mean?" I heard his voice, but wouldn't meet his eyes.

I sniffed hard, trying like hell to keep myself upright.

"It means you go on tour. Be who you are, Noah. And I'll be who I am. Without each other."

His body shifted, but I was stone, unmoving.

"I can't lose you." I heard him let out a light, sarcastic laugh. "I'll die."

I let myself laugh at that.

"No you won't, Noah. Don't be stupid."

7 Years Later

Residency is going to kill me. I may actually die in pursuit of this God awful career I've chosen. I was three years in to a five year program, intending to finish in General Practice, but until that time, I was just an idiotic twenty-seven year-old with no life, no sleep, and no clean fucking clothes to wear.

Every resident gets exactly forty-eight hours of paid time off every three months, and I had not taken mine in over a year. I finally had taken all of my hours - six days total - off of work, and after spending the entire first day sleeping, I was due to meet with Raylene in an hour.

Ray and I met at the beginning of residency, and quickly gotten close. We managed to find an affordable apartment together within walking distance of the hospital, and spent any rare free time we had together. She was currently at her boyfriend's place, spending some much needed time with him, before we went out for the evening.

I was digging through my unfolded laundry, trying to find something not too wrinkled or stained to wear tonight. Ray had told me we were going to a concert for a band she had recently discovered, but she didn't tell me who it was. I didn't care, to be honest. Existing somewhere other than the Emergency Room or my own bed sounded heavenly.

Finally settling on a deep red cropped t-shirt, black skinny jeans, and the Vans I rarely got to wear, I straightened my hair and applied what little makeup I could. I set out of the building to the waiting vehicle downstairs, Ray practically hanging from the passenger window.

"You look so fine!"

I chuckled, shaking my head. "Sure. Like I might've slept in the last two weeks?"

She chortled back at me, leaning in her seat once I was in the car. I waved hello to her boyfriend Sean, and gazed at Ray.

"So, Tyler isn't coming."

She frowned at me. "Why not?"

I shrugged. "Said he had a case he was working on, and he really couldn't spare the time."

She rolled her eyes. "Typical lawyer. Too busy for anyone but his clients."

Tyler and I had been dating for about six months now. Maintaining a relationship while having jobs as busy as ours was difficult, but he somehow managed to work it out. He would pop in when he knew I had breaks to bring me food, or have me spend nights off at his place, massaging my neck and helping me get caught up on my favorite series. He was an honest man. A good man.

I liked him.

Right?

It's so hard to tell what's like and what's convenient when you live your life exhausted and overworked, so I didn't have a lot of time to question it.

"Bummer for him. I'm so excited to see this show!" Ray was beaming in the front seat.

"Yeah, who are we seeing, anyway?"

"A band called ERRA. They're opening for a bigger headliner, who I've heard are pretty good too."

I nodded. "I've never heard them."

"It's rock. Metal, really." Sean chimed in, and I acknowledged him silently, looking out of the window.

My mind zoned out while we drove to the House of Blues. Ray and Sean chatted idly up front, but I was just enjoying the fact that I was finally out of the house for once.

That is, until we walked into the venue. The banner poster stared at me, the photographs of the band mocking me...

Bad Omens...they were the headliner.

Memories flooded back to my brain, my insides clenching at the visions.

I hadn't spoken to him since that day...that last day in my apartment. When he left, and never looked back. I didn't even keep in touch with the rest of the guys, for fear that I would be sucked back into the maelstrom that was Noah Davis...

“Y/N?” I turned to see Ray stood behind me, noticing my reaction. “You okay?”

My mind wasn’t comprehending what I was seeing. There’s no way that was them? The last time I had heard of the band, they were one-of-four supporting bands on much larger headliners. Now, they were selling out tickets at their own tour? Seven years was a long time…but how had they gotten this popular?

I wondered this, as if I didn’t know how wildly talented those boys were. Aside from Noah, Nicky, Jolly, and Nick Folio were some of the most intelligent and creative minds I had known. They all brought something special to that band, but I would have never expected this.

Huh. Guess he could live without me after all?

Something bitter crept into the back of my throat, but I swallowed it down, staring at his photograph on the poster.

“Yeah,” I tore my eyes away for a second to look at Raylene. “sorry, I’m fine. Just didn’t realize Bad Omens was the headliner.”

She raised an eyebrow. “You’ve heard of them?”

I pulled my lips to the side. Did I want to tell her?

“Long time ago.”

I couldn’t get past how different he looked in the picture. Last time I saw Noah, his hair was halfway down his back, he was skinny, and he had the thinnest little mustache growing on his upper lip.

In these promo pictures, however, his hair was short, not even reaching his ears, he looked much more muscular, and he had no facial hair. He also had many more tattoos than I remembered. That wasn’t surprising. Noah was a tattoo addict from a very young age.

Jolly had let his hair grow and had the cutest goatee on his chin. Nicky looked almost exactly the same. And Nick, bless his heart, had grown into such a handsome guy. They all looked so grown, so serious and broody. It almost made me giggle, knowing how goofy these guys were in real life.

Noah looked the most stunningly different from the rest. Not only did his entire appearance change, but his eyes…something in them was just so much darker. That harsh flame I had once known was so dim. It almost hurt to see. Almost.

We were making our way out to the pit of the GA floor. I had decided to get myself a cocktail to take the edge off. I didn't plan to come face-to-face with him, and likely wouldn't even get the opportunity to get a good look at him period, but still...just knowing we were in the same room made my throat tighten. I washed it down with Vodka and cranberry juice, hoping the warmth of the liquor would unfreeze my nerves.

The first band, Invent Animate, was entertaining enough. Very interactive with the crowd and high-energy. I found it pleasant, but couldn't get myself to focus long enough to notice what they were singing about. I struggled to breathe, the set ending, and knowing I was one hour closer to seeing his face.

During the intermission, Ray excused herself to the restroom, and I stood with Sean, feeling dizzier as the moments passed.

"Hey, I think I'm going to step out for a second. Get some air."

He quirked an eyebrow at me. "You okay? Want me to come with?"

I shook my head. "Nah, don't want you to miss the band you guys came to see. I'll be back."

He nodded, patting me on the shoulder before I weaved in and out of the crowd. I discarded my plastic cup in a trash can before exiting out into the main lobby. I found a spot on the wall near the doors that was unoccupied, and leaned against it, letting my eyes close and my breathing even out.

When I opened my eyes, I searched the room, looking for nothing specific. I landed on the merch tables, and saw someone oddly familiar talking to the lead singer of the last band we had watched...

The liquid courage is what carried me in that direction, smiling to myself.

He stood with his hair pulled back, as usual, and was talking with his hands. Same as he always did.

"Nicky Ruffilo..." I said loud enough to hopefully catch his attention, my hands now grasping the edge of the table.

His head snapped over to look at me, his brows knit together curiously. I could tell he was putting it together.

"No fucking way..." His voice sounded the same as it always had. "Y/N?!"

My teeth flashed at him, and he circled the table to approach me, his arms pulling me into a tight hug.

"Jesus Christ, I didn't recognize you!" That was fair.

Since the last time I had seen any of the guys, I had bleached my hair a pale blonde, lost twenty-five pounds, and had grown two cup sizes. I was, for all intents and purposes, an entirely different person.

"Yeah, well I absolutely recognized you." I said as I gripped his shirt, squeezing him tight.

"How long has it been?" He asked, pulling back to look at me.

"Uh," I thought for a moment. "seven-ish years?"

Nick's eyes were in disbelief, an amazed leer on his face. "God damn, girl. I can't believe it."

I pointed to the banner above his head. "Headlining now, huh? That's amazing!"

He smiled, proudly. "Yeah, we've worked really hard. A lot's changed."

My eyes fell on Noah's face on the poster. "I can see that."

I could tell he was pondering, a question hanging on the edge of his tongue. It was the most obvious question, so I answered for him.

"He doesn't know I'm here."

He nodded, leaning an arm on the table comfortably. "Ah, okay. You didn't want him to?"

I snorted. "I didn't even know I'd be here. My friends came to see ERRA, and that's when I realized you guys were here."

"Makes sense." He had crossed his arms. "Do you want him to know?"

Contemplating this, I let my face fall to get away from his gaze. I wasn't certain how to answer that, but it seemed like the answer was clear regardless.

"No." I sighed hard. "It's probably for the best that he doesn't, right?"

I couldn't read Nick's face, if he was disappointed or relieved. He seemed to be pretty satisfied with my answer, but I could tell he had more he wished he could say.

"Fair enough." Was all he gave me, before letting out a breath. "So, you still live up here?"

I let my muscles relax for a second. "Yeah, doing a residency at Brigham right now."

"Residency? Does that mean you're a doctor?" He asked, clearly confused.

I cackled at this. "Yeah, full blown doctor. Got the little 'MD' after my name and everything."

He beamed at me. "That's so great! Congratulations!"

"Thank you, Nicky." It fell quiet between us once again, and I could hear ERRA's set beginning. "Well, I should probably-"

He spoke over me. "Yeah! Those guys put on a great show. Don't miss it!"

I gave him another hug, reveling in how warm he still felt.

Turning to walk away, I stopped, needing one last thing...

"Nick?"

His face turned back to me.

"How is he?"

I could see the sadness fall over his tan features, and I instantly regretted asking.

"He's..." He trailed off, taking in a large breath. "He's different, Y/N. I doubt you'd recognize him."

"How so?"

Something about my question almost seemed to annoy him. Odd?

"Like I said, a lot has changed. He's changed. He had to." He gestured to me. "Same way you did."

I accepted this, not wanting to press any further. "Thanks, Nick."

He pointed a finger at me. "Hey, we're going to be back here in the fall for a couple days. Don't be a stranger, okay?" I grinned at this. "I know Jolly and Folio would kill to see you."

I just nodded, turning and walking away. My eyes met with Ray's, who was standing, watching my interaction. How much had she seen? Did she hear anything?

"Hey, what are you doing? You're missing ERRA!"

Her brows were pulled up suspiciously. "Who was that?" She pointed after Nick, who had now disappeared from the merch table.

I shook my head. "Oh, that guy? He's the bassist in the headliner band."

This wasn't good enough for her, I could tell by the way she pursed her lips. "Uh-huh. And...you just decided to chat him up like old friends?"

I groaned. "Ugh, how long were you standing there?"

She put all her weight on one hip. "Long enough to see you two talking like you've known each other before. Care to explain?"

Raylene was so nosey. She came by it honestly, her father being a police detective. But still, why did this matter?

"It's not a big deal, Ray. I'll tell you later."

I pulled on her arm, trying to lead her back to the concert hall, but she stood firm, eyeing me. I sucked my teeth in frustration.

"Damn it, alright, come here."

She followed me to the doors leading outside, and we stepped into the cool air.

"Alright, look, I've known Nick since I was ten."

Her eyes jumped. "Oh? Back in West Virginia?"

I nodded. "Exactly. I had no idea their band was going to be here."

"Do you know anyone else in the band?"

I glanced around, feeling wildly uncomfortable by the conversation.

"I may know the entire band."

Her eyes exploded, nearly shooting out of her face cartoonistically.

"What?! The whole band?" I just nodded. "Jesus, Y/N. That's insane!"

I giggled. "I guess. It's just a coincidence."

She smiled at me. "Well that's awesome! Do you want to see the rest of them after? They're doing a free merch signing."

Panic filled my chest, and I put a hand out to grab her shoulder. "No, no. I don't, uh..." I tried to keep my voice solid. "I don't keep in touch with them anymore."

Her eyes narrowed. "Oh? Okay, if you're sure." Something in my voice must have made her feel my anxiety.

We turned, ready to make our way back inside.

"It is too bad. The lead singer's a real looker. I heard one of the girls in the crowd say his name was Noah Sebastian? He's pretty cute."

I almost walked straight into the door, my foot banging off of the pillar. Ray turned around to see me, and something about the look on my face made realization flash over her.

"Oh my God, are you ok-" She stopped dead, eyes widening again. "Wait..."

"Ray, don't." I knew what she had figured out.

"Noah..." I put my hands up, glancing around to ensure no one was looking at us. "As in...Noah? Your old best friend?!"

I shushed her harshly. "Please, Ray. I don't want to think about this."

"That's the guy?! Noah Sebastian is the guy that broke your heart?!"

I was going to actually vomit at that.

"Fuck! Can we not?!" I raised my voice, which made her snap her mouth closed. "Besides, I don't know a Noah Sebastian."

She looked confused. "Is that not his real name?"

I rolled my eyes, turning to walk back in. "It's his middle name."

I spaced out most of what was left of ERRA's set, just trying to put the pieces back together in my brain. This night had not turned into what I had hoped.

I just wanted one night, an easy night, to take a deep breath away from my hectic life. Instead, I was reliving some of my most painful memories, and had a headache to go right along with it from the alcohol. My chest vibrated, the bass just making it so much more difficult to focus.

I stood off of the GA floor, near the bar area, not even realizing the band had finished, and people were swarming to grab drinks and use the restrooms before the men of the evening appeared. Ray approached me, another Vodka cran in her hand, and pushed it into mine.

"Here my love, drink this." I took a long gulp of it. "Do you want us to go? We don't have to stay..."

My eyes were fixed on the stage, where I could see people setting up the equipment. "No." I huffed out a breath, and squeezed my cup. "No, I want to see them play, I think."

She raised an eyebrow. "You're sure? This can't be easy for you."

My eyes burned into her face, which almost made her flinch. "I may never get to see him again, Ray. I have to."

She just nodded, arm linking with mine. "You want to watch from up here?"

I nodded, crunching on a piece of ice from my drink. "No chance of him spotting me back here."

She affirmed my request, and leaned back against the wall with me.

I felt my phone vibrate, and I pulled it from my pocket to see Tyler's name on the screen.

Tyler: Hey beautiful! How's the show?

I held my breath. What kind of a question was that?

Me: Fine. Almost over, just one band left.

He didn't take but a minute to respond.

Tyler: Having fun?

Ha, what a joke.

Me: Yeah. I've had some drinks, so it's helping.

Tyler: Well, enjoy it baby! You deserve it.

That wasn't fair. None of it was. Having to see Noah? The fact that I had an amazing guy, who genuinely liked me, who waited for me. But I still couldn't get my mind off of that irritatingly beautiful face about to take the stage.

The lights went down, and I felt myself tense, throwing back the rest of my drink. My teeth were numb, if that made any sense at all. Ray's hand gripped mine tight, holding me up.

A cinematic scene played on the screens, but I wasn't watching, eyes hastily searching the stage.

A tall man, who I instantly recognized as Jolly, stepped center-stage, a guitar in his hand playing the opening riff to the song. It was heavy, deep and soul shaking.

Folio came out next, his face, like Jolly's, covered in a black ski mask.

Nick took his spot, playing his bass tones.

And then, as the opening crescendoed, a voice rang through the speakers.

A voice I'd never forget.

"Can you hear me through the white noise?"

He blasted onto the stage, glory and all, face covered and thick black jacket on his shoulders.

He sounded different. Angry. Raw, Aggressive. The feeling that sank in my stomach pulled me back further against the wall.

The song played through, his words pulsing through my veins.

As quick as it had started, it was over, and we were on to the next.

The next track was calmer, red lights glowing all throughout the stage.

They had all removed their masks, and I saw his face for the first time. He looked so much older, making it difficult for me to believe he was the same person.

The words of the song resonated deep in my thoughts.

"I don't want to know all your secrets, cause I'll tell. It's hard enough being alone with myself. I don't know how long I'll be holding on..."

Breathing deeply, I watched as the crowd moved with the music, electrifying the energy in the room. It was intoxicating.

Noah had changed...

The set played on without hitch, the entire time I caught myself holding in breaths until I felt my lungs nearly bursting. I couldn't take my eyes off of him, feeling the familiar ache beginning to creep back in.

The music stopped, and a bunch of lights came up. By this time, Noah had discarded his jacket, button-up, and only stood in a black tank top, hands wrapped in what looked like boxing wraps?

"Alright, Boston, how we feeling?" His speaking voice even sounded different...

The crowd erupted.

"We are Bad Omens, and we sincerely appreciate you all being here tonight. The next song we are going to play for you all has been the biggest turning point this band has ever seen." I heard the screams, and did my best to tune them out so I could hear his words. "Is anyone familiar with a song called Just Pretend?"

The room rocked with the cheers and chants of the crowd.

"That volume that I just heard? That's the volume I want to hear you sing this with me, okay? Don't worry about trying to hit the perfect note or get all of the words right. It's about us all, being here together tonight."

The music played softly behind him when his lips reached the microphone.

"I can wait for you at the bottom. I can stay away if you want me to. I can wait for years if I gotta. Heaven knows I ain't getting over you..."

My heart twisted in my chest.

"I'm not afraid, of the war you've come to wage against my sins. I'm not okay, but I can try my best to just pretend. So will you wait me out? Or will you drown me out?"

The tears pooled in my eyes. No fucking way. The song played on, mocking me with the lyrics.

"I know the pain that you hide behind the smile on your face. And not a day goes by where I don't think I feel the same."

"We'll try again, when we're not so different. We will make amends, till then I'll just pretend."

My hands came up to cover my face, my lip trembling hard.

"Weigh down on me. Stay till morning. Way down. Would you say I'm worthy?"

I choked on a sob, my legs pushing me forward, and I ran out of the room. I felt my stomach lurching, my mouth clamping closed as I ran toward the bathroom.

I heard Ray chasing behind me. "Y/N! Wait!"

Flying into the bathroom and finding the first open stall, I fell to my knees, emptying the contents of my stomach into the toilet. My hands gripped my hair, tears falling hard down my face.

"Oh God, babe." Ray reached to grab my hair from me as I wretched all of the Vodka out of my stomach, my heart and soul pouring out with it.

When I finished, I let my chest heave with sobs, my hand covering my eyes in ebarrassment.

"Fuck, Ray." I said as I wiped my face with the tissue she handed me. "I've got to get the hell out of here."

She nodded. "Okay, my love. Let's do that."

After a solid twenty minutes of cleaning myself up in the bathroom, we stepped out, noticing the crowd now formed outside, waiting at the table for the band to come out for the signing. Ray was frantically dialing Sean, trying to find him among the sea of people. I just plopped myself down on the floor near the restroom, trying to relax as best as I could.

"Y/N?" I looked up at her. "I have to go find Sean. He isn't answering. Can you wait here for me?"

I just nodded, defeated. She was gone, lost within the abyss of people, and I sat, waiting, head in my hands.

I was pulled out of my stupor by the sound of cheering. The band had come out, all waving and smiling. I didn't even bother chancing a glance at him, for fear I may vomit again.

Ray had not come back yet, despite the four or five texts I had now sent her. I had been waiting for a solid thirty minutes, people watching the line and avoiding seeing his face. The ropes of the line were blocking my view of the faces sitting at the table.

After another fifteen, Ray finally bounded up to me, out of breath, Sean in tow.

"Fuck, I'm so sorry! That crowd is vicious!"

I stood slowly, the room only slightly spinning. I swallowed the dry, disgusting feeling in my throat, and began moving toward the exits that were now mostly clear.

"Let's go." She nodded at me, and took my arm. We had to wait behind several people trying to all get through the same revolving door. My skin felt spiky and cold.

"Hang on! Wait!"

A voice behind me made ice run through my veins, and I closed my eyes, begging whatever God existed to spare me in this moment.

A hand gripped my shoulder, and I tensed, turning my face, and my eyes looked straight at him.

He had spotted me, running from his table to catch me. He had to have been pretty damn sure it was me to chase after me like that. Fans began to crowd us, camera phones coming out, pictures snapping.

The look on his face was much less certain than I expected, as if he possibly made a mistake.

"I'm sorry..." His voice was unsteady. "Do I," He cleared his throat, eyes bouncing back and forth between my own. "know you?"

My eyebrows shot up. He really didn't recognize me?

He thought he did, but now...

"No. I don't think so." I spit out my words, teeth grinding together. It felt exactly the same as the last time I had seen him.

He dropped his hand, eyes still transfixed on mine. "I swore..."

I just turned my body, pressing my way past the gathered crowd, not giving him the chance to think it through.

In the car, I stared out the back window, arms wrapped around myself.

"What did he say, honey?" Ray's voice was so gentle.

"He didn't recognize me. He thought he did, but once he got up close, I guess I look too different." My words were only a peg above a whisper.

"You going to be okay? I don't have to stay at Sean's."

I just wiped the stray tear off of my cheek. "It's fine. I'd rather be alone."

-

A long, scalding shower, two handfuls of shredded cheese, and a solid half-hour crying session later, I was laid catatonically on my bed, eyes staring at the screen as Grey's Anatomy flashed across my screen.

I had blanked my mind out, forcing myself to let the thoughts go for the night. I was too tired and broken to let my heart hurt like this again. It took a solid year to get over Noah enough that I was able to function again. My first year of med school was disappointing, and I didn't make any friends until I made it into the second year. It took me nearly three to start dating.

I couldn't do that again.

I had been ignoring the texts going off on my phone, assuming it was Ray just checking on me for the thousandth time. I did, however, decide to take a look when I heard my ringtone going off.

Who would be calling me at 2AM?

I didn't even bother checking the screen before I put the phone up to my ear, my voice hoarse from crying.

"Hello?"

"What are the odds that you haven't changed your number after all this time?"

I sat bolt upright, my voice catching in my throat. The voice on the other end sounded nearly as wrecked as mine.

"Noah?" It barely came out.

"It's been a long time."

I cleared the newly formed phlegm out of my throat. "It has."

"I knew that was you." It sounded deadly quiet in the background of his end of the line. "Why didn't you tell me you were coming tonight?"

I sighed. "Nick told you?"

"He might've."

I groaned. "Well, I asked him not to."

"Why?"

I scoffed. "What do you mean, why?" I rubbed my eyes. "We're not exactly speaking anymore, Noah."

He hummed. "That's true."

I chewed on my lip, not having any kind of clue of what to say.

"What did you think?"

"Of the show?"

"Mhm."

I sighed. "It was good. Different than what I would have expected."

A soft laugh came through the line. "How so?"

I smiled at that. "It's just a lot different than what I expected your music to sound like."

"In a bad way?"

"No. Not at all."

"I'm glad you enjoyed it." His voice was so serious. So monotone. Nothing at all like what I remembered.

The line fell silent again, and I found this irritating. What was he playing at?

"Why did you call, Noah?"

I heard a breath on the other end, and some rustling. "I don't know."

"Well, maybe you shouldn't have."

"Maybe. I wanted to hear your voice."

My stomach tightened. "Now you have. I should go."

"Wait..." I held the phone firm, waiting. "I want to see you."

My heart pounded. "What?"

"I need to see you." His words were so matter-of-fact.

"I don't think so, Noah. That's not a great idea."

"It's not, but I'm asking..." He sounded so small. "Can I please see you?"

I perused the idea. "When?"

"Now?"

I scrunched up my face, sitting up again. "Now? It's after two in the morning."

"I don't care. I'll come to wherever you are."

This struck me. Maybe he hadn't changed?

"I, uh," I struggled to speak. "Noah, I don't know. I'm at home, it's late. I should be sleeping."

"Y/N?" I stopped, listening. "Please?"

I am a weak woman, and that is just plain fact. I was frantically running throughout the apartment, attempting to tidy any kind of mess I could get my hands on. Ray and I hadn't taken the time to really clean in months, so it was stressing me out. My pajama pants were hanging low on my hips, and I swam in my large sweatshirt.

My hair was falling loose around my face, and I was sure my eyes were puffy from the crying I had done. How insane was I? Had I completely lost it?

It was almost 3AM when a knock came at my apartment door, and I froze in place. What was I doing? Why was I allowing this to happen? I didn't need to do this to myself.

I was fine, living in my normal, tired bubble. I was headed towards a successful career that would take me further than I ever imagined. Why was I allowing this trainwreck of a friendship back into my life? What was I thinking?!

I wasn't. That was the answer to that question.

I opened the door, not sure what to expect on the other side. He stood, still as tall as I remembered, looming in the doorway. He wore a black hoodie, hands tucked neatly in the pocket. Dark blue jeans and black Converse. A white beanie covering his hair.

Like this, he looked almost recognizable. Except for his eyes...

Just like in the photograph I had seen earlier, his eyes were so dark. There was very little life behind them. Deep blue circles hung under the rims, making a pull in my chest show itself.

I just stood, blocking the doorway, hand white-knuckling the frame.

"Hi." Was all he managed. He was staring at me, eyes moving up and down my face as if he was seeing an apparition.

"Hi." I echoed, trying to not feel out of place under his stare.

"I'm glad you agreed to see me." He didn't move an inch, his jaw ticking closed with his last work.

I just nodded, letting out all of my air. "Yeah, well, you were insistent."

He nodded, finally looking away from me and down at the ground.

"I had to."

I pursed my lips, narrowing my eyes. "Did you?" He raised a brow at me. "Did you just have to see me? Because I think we probably would've been alright without it."

I could see his face fall, hurt by what I said, but I didn't care. He never did.

"I'm sorry. I know it's selfish."

"Mm," I pinched my lips together, and opened my door wider. "come in."

I stalked back into the house, not daring to look back at him. I heard the door shut behind me, and I steadied myself, expecting to turn around and see him vanished.

To my chagrin, he was still there.

Deciding not to stagnate, I walked into the kitchen, pulling a bottle of tea from the fridge, and walking back out to the living area. He hadn't moved, and was still staring at me.

"So." I motioned to him. "What can I do for you?"

Noah was so statuesque, as if carved right out of stone. "I don't really know."

My face lifted, a smirk on my lips. "You don't know? Noah," I placed a hand on my hip. "you show up here at 3AM, and you have no idea why?"

He shrugged, eyes begging me for mercy. "I'm sorry. I don't."

"Can you stop apologizing and just tell me why you're here?!" My patience snapped, startling even me.

This took him back, but instead of tucking tail and backing away, he stood straighter, face hardening.

"I can't tell you why I'm here if I don't know, alright?" His words were stern.

"Well you must have some kind of reason? Because this feels wildly unnecessary."

He raised his eyebrows in disbelief. "It is? So you didn't want to see me?"

I set my tea on the coffee table and stood nonchalantly. "Not really."

He narrowed his eyes. "I don't buy it." He took a step toward me, but I stood firm. "If you didn't you wouldn't have stayed, tonight. You would've left after you saw the band your friends went to see."

He was closer now, and it felt like a string had tethered between us, the tension slowly slacking.

"Yeah, well, I wanted to see your set. See how the band was doing."

He snickered at me. "Oh, sure. Of course." His hands finally appeared from his pockets, one running over his chin. "Which song was your favorite?"

Oop. I wasn't expecting that.

"The second one. Villain, or something?"

He nodded. "Like A Villain." Noah's eyes weren't buying it. "Which one did you like least?"

I scoffed. "I don't know, Noah? The first one?"

"Mm, and which one was that?"

I was swallowing the lump in my throat. I couldn't remember, the night blurring together.

"Uh, I don't know the name."

He took a step back, triumphant. "You weren't there for the set. You wanted to see me."

Rolling my eyes, I crossed my arms. "Still as self-absorbed as ever, I see?"

"Am I wrong?"

He had me backed into a corner, and he fucking knew it.

I threw my arms up. "Fine! Maybe I did. But you wanted to see me too."

He sneered at me, venom on his lips. "Obviously, or else I wouldn't be here."

"You still haven't said why."

"Why did you want to see me?"

My voice was raising, frustration growing. "I don't know!"

"I don't know either!" He yelled back at me, and my mouth snapped closed. Noah never raised his voice at me. Not ever.

He took three long strides over to me until he was only stood a foot away.

"I didn't expect to ever see you again, Y/N! I thought you were gone forever! So imagine my surprise when I see you walking out of the House of Blues, and you deny even knowing me!"

I felt like shrinking into a ball right there on the floor, ceasing to exist.

"I wanted to see you because how could I not?! Seven fucking years, Y/N!" He backed down for a second, his breathing becoming ragged. "I've been waiting seven years."

I furrowed my brow. "Waiting?"

"For you to reach out. To tell me you missed me. To give me some kind of indication we could reconcile and be us again."

There was a fire, deep down in my gut, that I had never been able to truly extinguish. A fire Noah had lit years ago. A mine shaft burning like the depths of hell in my belly that I had buried under concrete and therapy, keeping it at bay.

In my apartment, tonight, that fire broke loose. And there was no stopping it.

"Are you fucking kidding me?!" I took a step forward, pressing into his space, index finger jabbing into his chest. "I was supposed to reach out?!"

He took a step back, eyes now full of fear.

"I professed my love to you, Noah! I told you I wanted you, and you fucking left!"

He puffed at me, pointing a finger back at me. "You told me to leave!'

"Yes! Because you told me you didn't love me! You told me you couldn't love me the way I loved you!"

He squeezed his lids shut tight, growling and turning away from me, taking several steps away. His hands came up, gripping the beanie on his head.

"God damn it Y/N!" He turned to look at me, a fiery rage matching my own behind his eyes. "Of course I fucking loved you!"

My heart stopped, completely motionless.

"What?"

"I've always loved you! From the moment I laid fucking eyes on you! I've never loved anyone, no one, the way I loved you!" He charged me, backing me toward the couch. "But I couldn't love you, Y/N! I wasn't good enough. I was a piss-poor high school dropout musician trying to make a name for himself, and, until recently, failing miserably."

I couldn't speak, thoughts racing so fast, I struggled to keep up.

"And you?" He pointed a finger back into my chest. "You were smart, and motivated, and you were going to make something of yourself. I couldn't drag you down with me. I couldn't force you to follow this journey with me. It would've ruined your life!"

My lungs weren't working right, and my hands were shaking. He wasn't actually saying this. I was hallucinating.

"So I left. I left to give you a chance at a real life. Which, evidently, you've managed to build without me." He took a step back, then, dropping his hands. "And I, somehow, without you."

This hurt me, hearing he had managed to become so successful, despite my involvement.

"Noah, I had no idea-"

"No," He cut me off. "you didn't."

I hadn't even caught the tears falling from my eyes, blurring my vision until he was just a watery mess in front of me.

"You didn't need me." I choked out, and he looked directly at me, inquisitively. "You've made it so far. You're a rockstar now, Noah."

He scoffed. "Y/N, you don't get it." He looked away from me, focused on the wall behind me. "I died without you. Something inside of me was lost the day I left, and I never got it back."

"Well, you're successful now, so it can't be so bad, right?"

He snorted, shaking his head. "Success always comes with a price."

My lips were wet with the tears I couldn't hold in, and I couldn't keep my breathing even. I knew he saw it, but hesitated to engage, wanting to keep a wide berth between us. I couldn't take it. It was too much.

Hearing he loved me. Hearing I had been wrong all this time. Hearing that the heartbreak I felt for so long wasn't his fault. He was protecting me, even after all these years.

"Noah?" He chanced a glance at me, and I saw his own eyes sparkling with moisture.

I couldn't take it.

I rushed him, grabbing hold of his shoulder and clinging on, desperate to find relief against him. My lips smashed into his, tearing apart the barrier I had worked so hard to build.

His hands grabbed me, holding me into place against him, his lips melted into mine, returning the kiss fervently. We were hopeless. We were hungry.

My tears didn't stop flowing, emotion pouring out of every pore. My fingers clawed at him, needing to get closer. My hand grabbed the beanie, and pulled it off of his head, his dark hair falling over his eyes. I gripped it at the scalp, trying to pull myself closer.

Feeling what I was attempting to do, his hands lifted me by the back of my legs, so I could wrap them around his midsection. I refused to disconnect the kiss, breathing in his soul. It was so real and so familiar. How I missed it like hell.

His legs carried us to the couch, where he sat us down. My legs straddled him, and I finally pulled away to tug at the sweatshirt he wore. He made quick work of pulling it up over his head while I did the same with my own. Reconnecting our lips, my hands wandered over his neck and chest, scratching at the fabric of his shirt.

His teeth caught my bottom lip, and I moaned into his mouth. His fingers pulled at the waistband of my pajama pants, and I lifted myself enough to slip them off, replacing myself on his lap. His jeans were already getting tighter as his hands smoothed up and down my thighs.

"Fucking hell." He looked down, staring at my bare breasts in front of him. "These got bigger, huh?"

I laughed, taking a deep breath. "Yeah, well, things change."

His fingers gripped around my left breast, lips falling to circle around the hardened nipple. I let my head fall back, relishing in the warm feeling spreading throughout my body.

"Still so fucking beautiful, just like I remember." I pulled at the hair on the back of his neck. "Did you miss me, baby girl?"

I ground my hips down against him in response. His hand began playing with the button of his jeans, and I moved it away to open them myself.

I stood up to pull his jeans down to his knees, his boxers bulging in the crotch.

"Oh, fuck." I sighed out. "Yeah, I missed you."

His smile then was devious, some of that regular spark shining back in his eyes. "Then show me, huh?"

Reaching into the opening of his underwear, I pulled his cock free, taking a moment to remember just how large it was. It had been a very long time since I had seen anything quite that impressive. Dipping my head down, I licked a long stripe up the shaft, lingering on the head to gather the precome leaking out.

"Holy shit." His head fell back on the couch, his eyes rolling back with it. "Mm, do that again, please?"

I smirked, looking up at him. "Only since you asked so nicely."

My tongue repeated the movement, drawing out a hard groan out of him, his legs twitching. "Fuck yeah, baby."

Without warning, I wrapped my lips around him and swallowed him as far down as my throat would allow, gagging on the tip as it struck my tonsils. His hips jolted upward, effectively fucking my throat.

"Please, Y/N, I won't last that way." He begged, his words only coming out as breaths. "I need to feel you, please."

He was begging, and I couldn't resist it. I needed him too.

I stood back up, and kneeled on either side of him, carefully lining him up with my entrance. When I sunk down, that delicious burn pierced through me, and my body collapsed onto him at the intensity of it.

"Noah, oh my God." He ran a hand up my back, allowing me a moment to adjust.

"I know, baby. I know." He soothed me, rubbing small circles into my skin.

My hips stuttered forward, needing to feel the friction. His hand reached down to grab my ass, and lifted me upward. Without warning, his hips snapped forward and fucked into me, making a sharp scream leave my lips.

My face rested on his chest, whimpers falling from my throat with each hard thrust.

"Fuck, you missed me, pretty girl?" He was panting between his words, his rhythm picking up speed. "Missed the way I fuck you?"

My eyes were rolling back, the tears from before now replaced with tears of raw pleasure.

"I'll bet you've never been fucked like this, huh?" His words were just tones of desire playing in my ears, his cock absolutely destroying me. "No one can fuck you like I can, baby. No one."

My nails dug hard into his shirt, begging for release.

"Let me know when you come, baby. Not finishing until you do."

Luckily for him, I was riding the edge so hard it was making the room spin. Biting my lip to keep from screaming, I lifted myself to look at his face.

"Noah," I searched his eyes, his hips not faltering. "I love you."

He grit his teeth, trying to focus on me and his hips at the same time. "I love you, too. So fucking much."

My face fell back down, landing on the side of his neck. "I'm going to come. Please, Noah, I'm so close..."

He, somehow, managed to pump into me harder, sending my body over the cliff and into the warm waves of my orgasm. My body went slack against him as my walls pulsed around his length.

I heard him curse, and his hips stilled. I felt him spasming inside me, and silently thanked myself for my IUD.

We laid that way, sweaty and heaving, for a solid ten minutes before either of us could find the strength to move. I slipped him out of me, and sat up to look at him. He looked absolutely wrecked, in the best possible way.

I smiled, feeling a warmth spread over me.

"Hi." Was all I could manage.

He chuckled tiredly. "Hi."

-

After our excursion, Noah and I had taken a few minutes to clean up, and, being as exhausted as you'd expect, decided to lay together for a while.

He told me he had to leave within a few hours to get back to his hotel, heading to the next city bright and early, so I told him I'd stay up until he had to leave.

However, in my bed, his arms wrapped tightly around me, his voice whispering sweet words in my ears, I struggled to remain conscious.

"Do you remember when I bought you that Oasis album for your fourteenth birthday? That was basically me professing my love to you."

"I was such an idiot. I should've just told you."

"You have no idea how much I've missed you. I don't think you'll ever understand."

"I'm so sorry. I wish things were different..."

And that's how I woke up, light in my bedroom far too bright, and my bed empty.

I don't know what I expected? For him to stay? Fuck off his tour to make up for lost time with me?

But still, my chest stung when I saw he had left, but I wasn't surprised.

Something had changed last night, and the darkness that lingered in the depths of my being had lifted, leaving me with a sense of hope I hadn't felt before.

When I had woken for the day, clearing the cobwebs from my eyes, I contemplated my next move. He had surely left town already, but that didn't mean I couldn't keep in touch, right?

Pulling out my phone, I found his contact, and opened a text thread.

Me: Hey, call me when you can. I think we have a lot to talk about. :)

I set my phone down on the bathroom counter, preparing to brush my teeth when my phone dinged, and the notification told me the text had failed.

Odd?

I resent it, getting the same response.

Why would my messages fail? I paid my bill, right?

Quickly dialing Ray's number, I held the phone to my ear and heard the ringing, so I knew my service was fine. Giving her a quick apology for waking her, I hung up, and went back to my texts.

His number was the same, right?

I went back to my call logs, seeing it was his number that called me last night, so it was the same as it had always been.

So...what the hell?

My finger hovered over the number for a moment, and I weighed the options before finally resolving to just call him. Make sure I wasn't losing my mind.

I held the phone to my face as I started brushing my teeth, waiting for the call to connect.

"The number you have reached is not in service. If you feel you have reached this message in error, please hang up and try your call again."

[cowboylikeyouu]

i finally watched the making of deadpool & wolverine and wrote down every thought that popped up into my mind while watching, have fun lol

god hugh jackman is gorgeous

they’re talking about all the different ideas they had for this movie and honestly??? i would eat up every single one of them they should still do it lol

god hugh jackman is GORGEOUS

man i missed them sm i haven’t watched dp&w in TWO MONTHS?????

i will never shut up about the deadpool suit in this movie it’s SO AWESOME it’s a blessing for my eyes every time it’s on screen

"that’s what we were striving for with rdj in endgame, is to give this iconic fictional character an amazing ending." yeah well only that endgame‘s ending SUCKED and i will never forgive anyone for it <3

ugh hugh jackman is gorgeous

i could watch him speak forever

i‘m SO glad ryan made that "i should use his body as a weapon" pitch bc GODDAMN that opening scene will never get old

ahhhhhh i love that we‘re getting some insight in the stunt/fight stuff, SO interesting !! the shitty iphone test videos are hilarious

they should’ve made a "he ACTUALLY broke his toe when he kicked that helmet!!!!" reference when ryan kicked logan‘s skull lmao

the marry puppins SNOGGING ryan bts clips will never get old lmao funniest shit ever

THE SUIT LOOKS SO GOOD UGHHHH am i having a gender or a sexuality crisis over it???? guess we’ll never know

EMMA CORRIN ILYSM

shout out to british people gotta be one of my fav genders fr

all the different lines ryan screamed out of the honda????😭😭 honestly they should’ve just kept all of these idc about logic

EMMA CORRIN

"and i knew the fans would love it" ohhh hugh i think we all love it a bit too much

"and yet, i wouldn’t say wolverine is a straight man" awesome, thanks, case fucking CLOSED.

"which i don’t recommend, sending a 10 minute voice memo to anyone"

*me looking at the five 10-20 minute voicemails i send my friends every single day*

THE SUITS LOOK SO GOOD TOGETHER (their asses do as well)

GOD hugh jackman is gorgeous

"what we refer to as the van fight" no babe that’s the honda odyssey sex marathon actually!!

"violence is our love language" ITS CONFIRMED (everyone knew. BUT STILL)

choreographing this scene (all the deadpool vs wolverine fight scenes really) must’ve been SO FUN like UGH just coming up with all this violence knowing that it won’t affect your characters in the long haul and you can add of many of it as you want????? THE DREAM

THEM HUGGING IN THE HONDA???😭😭 brb gotta cry

I LOVE YOU EMMA CORRIN

CHRIS EVANS LOML

it’s unfair how attractive he is i‘m gonna throw up

reminder to myself to finally learn johnny‘s monologue i wanna be able to randomly hit people with it

OHHHH i actually did NOT realize that was hulk‘s bed from ragnarok??? which is weird bc i used to watch that movie religiously. but hey that’s so cool!!

channing tatum talking about gambit is so heartwarming man so happy for him😭

jennifer garner is so pretty i‘m so gay lord help

me

dafne keen‘s voice sounds SO different when she’s not playing laura, CRAZY

EMMA CORRIN MY LOVE

just once just ONCE i wanna walk through a street filme set like this UGH it looks so cool & surreal

"this is our baby yoda" i have to be this annoying person i‘m sorry but HIS NAME IS GROGU

i don’t know shit about music but i could listen to people talk about movie scores for hours on end (how did you know sideways is my fav youtube video essayist???)

good fucking god hugh jackman is gorgeous

lmao they should’ve kept the "zoooombies wake uuuppp" again, idc about logic

EMMA CORRIN ‼️‼️‼️

ohh hugh jackman is gorgeous (put your greasy tits away you preening slut)

ugh i‘m getting emotional help

well that was awesome, gonna cry myself to sleep now byeee

(have i mentioned how gorgeous hugh jackman is?)

[phinjeet]

* NOT WHAT THE POST WAZ ABOUT GUYZ !!!!!!!/LH

* lov getting attention on my pnf postz here but ppl making it about perryshmirtz iz where i draw the line FUCK OFF

[the-architect-of-ferrari]

hey guys! I was formerly fellow-meme-lover but I have retired that name after like 7 years. I am now @the-architect-of-ferrari in honor of that one article about Carlos (pictured). I’m a little surprised no one had taken that username yet but I’ll gladly have it.

I decided to change my name because I want it to reflect the main focus of my blog moving forward: Carlos Sainz. This is also going to be a bit of a goodbye to Ferrari post and clarifying what my blog will look like after AD24. So continue reading after the cut if you’re interested.

I am a fairly recent f1 fan, I only started casually watching late into the 2023 season, and it wasn’t until the winter break that I started getting serious about f1 and more involved.

It was during this time that I discovered Charlos, and they were my absolute favorite duo on the entire grid. I remember thinking the entire Ferrari team was a giant mess, and that the only thing they had going for them was their driver pairing. I spent the off-season watching old interviews with them, seeing posts about them on tumblr and twitter, and learning everything about them that I could. I initially liked Charles more, as he was the first driver I really learned about, and I will always be fond of him for gifting me this sport and fandom that means so much to me.

Over time though, I naturally gravitated more towards Carlos. I couldn’t explain it but there was something about him that connected me to him, and soon his happiness was my happiness and his sadness was my sadness. When the news of Lewis’s move to Ferrari dropped on February 1st, I was devastated. I could only think of how Ferrari was Carlos’s dream and it was now coming to an end. All season I’ve been dreading having to make this post, having to say goodbye, but I can’t put it off forever. I truly believe that the team hasn’t done right by Carlos in a lot of ways, but it was his dream, and I want him to be happy more than anything else, and for his sake I sincerely hope that a return to Ferrari is possible one day. I think he will be happy to know that regardless of what the future holds, he will always be a part of the team’s history, and everything he gave to them will not be forgotten.

As for Charlos as a duo, they were always the duo I loved the most of the entire grid. It wasn’t always easy at times, with their occasional fights, with the frequent fan wars, and the accusations of it being a PR friendship. But I think if you went back and watched old videos of them together, you can see the fondness in their eyes clear as day, and it lingers in their familiarity with each other to this day. Four years as teammates isn’t nothing. I don’t know that anyone will be able to make me laugh as hard as they did, or cheer me up on a bad day the way they did. In the future, even if they’re not teammates I will still try to post about them as much as possible, even if it’s a 3 second clip of them chatting at a driver’s parade or something idc.

But with that said, my no.1 driver from now on will always be Carlos, and so what I post will reflect that. As a Charlos fan, I was reluctantly a Ferrari fan because that is the team they drove for, but now I will be with Carlos 100%. I will no longer be solely posting about charles and carlos, and instead will post things more like what i have been posting lately, which will include other driver pairings like versainz. I’ll also just post general f1 stuff sometimes if i think i have something important to say. But mostly i will be talking about Carlos.

For now though, let’s make the rest of this season count. I’ll be with you always, Carlos.

¡Vamos, toro!

[zuhaism]

⊹ ｡˚ 𓂃 ♡ MMTG ?! ┊ lesserafim ⁺

[ navigation | corso ]

you and the members were in hybe’s lobby. you were sitting between chaewon and jaejae for the interview. many laughs were exchanged here and there as jaejae interviewed each members.

“when do you use it?” asked jae jae when the topic came to slangs. “for example ‘what are we going to eat for dinner?’ IDC. with a shoulder tilt” everyone did it together. then yunjin spoke up. “y/n is the only one who never uses slangs.”

“why why why” jae jae was bewildered. “arent you american too?” she had a shocked look on her face. “what ! no i am!” you paused because you were laughing too hard “it’s just that my mom said i shouldn’t talk like that. she says it sounds rude.” you answered with a sheepish smile.

the members nodded in agreement. “y/n’s actually very polite and has great manners, she just doesn’t talk.“ chaewon intervened and gave a thumbs up to the camera. jaejae continued interviewing yunjin.

“y/n! the other american. an all star basketball player! our nations little math nerd” and it showed a picture of 16 year old you about to do a three pointer and you after winning the mathematical olympiad. the interview finally got to you. you closed your eyes in embarrassment. everyone laughed in unison. “wah our y/n looks so cute.” eunchae spoke up.

“i heard you got recruited when you were playing basketball?” jaejae looked at you for confirmation. you chuckled before answering. “yeah actually i got scouted when i was on a school trip…” everyone was silent expecting you to continue but instead you stopped there. “ah” jaejae spoke amongst the silence “ah i guess thats all okay! its alright if you dont want to continue!” everyone bursts out laughing “no no no i can explain! sorry, sorry i thought you wanted to add something.” you tried explaining yourself. after the laughter died down and them teasing you, you started talking again.

you went all the way back to when you were 17. you and your other matheletes teammates won first place in a competition and got to go to Seoul as the winning prize. one night during the trip u got bored and sneaked out the hotel to a basketball court you saw nearby.

while you were shooting three pointers by yourself you noticed someone from the corner of your eye watching you. you got scared and ignored it hoping it wasn’t an entity from another dimension. the person stayed there for far too long and you started getting creeped out even though you were a whole feet taller than them.

you started packing your things up. putting everything in faster when you heard footsteps close behind. you were ready to book it when someone tapped your shoulder. you turned around and was met with a card in your face. the person said nothing as you took it and walked away.

it was a business card. as you examined it you noticed ‘you’re perfect for us. please come and audition tomorrow’

“and then i had a free day the next day so i went.” you ended your story with a small smile as everyone stared at you in awe. “you rapped to corso by tyler the creator am i right.” jaejae spoke up. you looked at her in shock “how’d you know.” she looked to the camera with a smug face and shrugged.

“y/n ! you once went live and answered all the fans math questions.” jaejae suddenly changed the subject as you sat up straighter. the members burst out laughing while you turned red from embarrassment. “wah y/n you’re really good at math aren’t you!” jaejae praised you.

“what. no no” you declined. “no! you’re really good. you just lack confidence.” jaejae ended her sentence and signalled for you all to look at the screen. it was showing a clip of one of your lives where you answered fearnot’s math questions.

“i think the x is 4 but i dont know” you said with your eyebrows furrowed moving closer to the camera to read the comments. “i dont know guys dont listen to me i might be wrong.” you said looking back at your paper, checking your answer again while scratching your head.

“you’re really cute.” said jaejae.

“stop flattering me”

the topic moved on to you being heartless but caring. you never knew you had this title. you never even knew you were caring you just did what you felt right. now that the topic changed everyone was giving examples on how you speak louder through your actions rather than words.

“one time, after coming home from a schedule. i went to my room and slept in the mess i made in the morning because i was too exhausted. the next morning i woke up to a clean room.” sakura started she said after that, she asked who cleaned her room and y/n only shrugged while zuha confirmed it wasn’t her. “it really warmed my heart because we had the same schedule.” sakura ended.

“no unnie it’s because you’re getting older.” eunchae teased the oldest. sakura gave eunchae the stink eye.

“oh! when we arrived at japan it was pouring and y/n unnie was beside me. she took off her jacket and wrapped me in it, holding an umbrella and then we walked together to the car.” eunchae expressed. “and in the car i noticed her shirt was half wet and i was like ‘so this is love’” eunchae announced softly with a dreamy look on her face as she looked at your red face.

“wow y/n you seem like you’d be a good boyfriend” said jaejae while you protested. “you’re right. you’re right sometimes even i want to date her.” chaewon voiced. chaewon started telling about the time after a schedule, when she got out the car her feet was hurting so bad. she was at the back struggling to walk through the pain. she saw you stopping and waiting for her at the parking lot entrance.

when you noticed she was hurting you immediately crouched infront of her. “what?” chaewon asked. you signalled her to piggyback you. “i am not doing that. we’re wearing the same shoes! you’re going to-“ she got cut off when you moved back and carried her anyways. she held onto you tight when you lifted her and she stayed that way until you guys went up to the dorm.

“wah y/n noticing the small things. we need more people like that.” jaejae added. yunjin and kazuha started talking about their loving experiences with you. yunjin stated that she’d only watch a horror movie only if you’re there. yunjin said when you’re with her, she feels safe. probably because whenever there’s a gory scene you’d mutter ‘that’s so fake’ under your breathe. but that’s besides the point. you’d rub circles on her hand and make her feel reassured.

for kazuha, you’re her debate mate. you talk the most when you’re with her. you don’t know how her mind works but you sure know how to handle it. like the other day, she asked which is the strongest : rock, paper, or scissors. you had to explain to her how its neither and rock, paper scissors is just a game of luck.

she also mentioned how you’re always helping her in korean and you’d go for convenience store runs whenever she gets a question right. you treat her so well.

“in conclusion! y/n is a great person to date.” jaejae ended

“not the dating part” chaewon muttered.

[vengekiss]

i have 87 blurry screencaps of strange magic (2015) and 13 video clips all from the last 30 min of the movie only. and im going to post all of them with commentary because it's tumblr and nothing matters.

ok these scenes are from their first spar.

bog being stressed bc he's 30 years old (and other reasons i guess)

bog being scared for his life bc marianne literally came in like a wrecking ball

bog says "uh oh" under his breath (he knew even now)

"look at you!" (he's having so much fun)

marianne smirking but you can barely see it (she's having so much fun)

now they're just blatantly flirting. rein it in guys children are watching

"impressive!" "not bad!" "you fight well! for a fairy" we get it bog u think she's the coolest fairy ever tell us something we don't know

she's really pretty no notes

he looks very... something. like also i felt bad he got so serious and was like "kill me idc" like no don't kill urself ur too sexy king

im not an expert on reading faces but she looks surprised (as was i) he just. left his staff there. like bro she still might kill u. did he forget? did he literally let his guard down? it could be many things.

[goldenpinof]

For the editing comparison, one example for me is the Incoherent video (edited by Kris) vs. pre-hiatus Santa Banter video.

Both are turn-based card games where they read stuff and think for the answer, but in the incoherent video, there’s a lot more jump cuts, zooms, edits etc. while they’re thinking whereas in santa banter, it was mostly just one extended clip from pre-reading card banter to post-answering banter. The incoherent video also cuts out a lot more of the parts where they’re pulling a card or switching an answered card for a new one. While those bits might not add much comedic value, I feel like they go a long way to make the video seem more chill and coherent in its entirety.

Also (this might just be my personal opinion) both dnp seem to talk in a more excited/exaggerated tone and cadence now? Especially in the shorter videos. They also tend to use more upbeat and prominent background music now for those, so with that and the editing combined a lot of the post hiatus videos end up feeling too quick-paced yet scattered to me :/

Cal @calvinahobbes this might be interesting to you :)

yeah, anon, i get what you mean. and thank you so much for giving an example and explaining it. content-wise Incohearent is the S tier video, editing-wise? not so much. that's what i meant when i said in tags "idc what they do now, old editing will always be there for me". post-hiatus ideas and content can be excellent, but if i feel like i have to chase the video because of the editing? bye. i'm not gonna return to it unless i need to (to take notes or gif). i have no desire to rewatch the majority of the new videos for the sake of rewatching. and i want to rewatch old videos quite frequently. maybe nostalgia plays into it as well, but also the knowledge that i won't see 100500 unnecessary jump cuts and will see the process of playing the games. even if it's slow sometimes, idc, i like the process.

and yeah, i also agree that they exaggerate more (tone and reactions). mostly Dan. i don't think i noticed Phil doing it (maybe because he does the same on the ap channel, and i just stopped pointing it out to myself). idk if Dan genuinely thinks that loud = funny, but unfortunately it doesn't usually work like that. and if he's trying to show sarcasm by exaggerating his reaction, it also doesn't always land. sometimes this loudness is on point, so i'm not saying "shut the fuck up". i'm just saying that i noticed the shift as well. he is acting on camera a little bit more, giving the people what they want. but sweetie, i don't want that. i want boring shit, i want him to yap about politics and injustice and his interests, watch the games load and pull cards.

genuinely praying for more streaming content, because that is unedited yapping and fuckups <3

[ausern4me]

I LOVED THAT EPISODE IT WAS HYSTERICAL

this is gunna be a longggg post

this scene made me question things. WHOS GUNNA BE HOST NEXT SEASON?! AND LIKE I FEAR AFTER THIS SEASON WE WILL SEE NO MORE TREVOR OR DEREK!!?!?! I NEED TREVOR AND DEREK IDC. JUST DEREK STOP BEING AN ASS AND MAKE IT UP TO YOUR BESTIE.

I feel like Krystal and oliver might be a better match than derek and krystal???? (mainly cuz trevek LMFAO)

SHIP SHIP SHIP SHIP

BESTIES FOR LIFE

JKDJSHAKFJWEWUHEWIFUKJF THIS MADE ME LAUGH SO HARD WTF ALEC YOUR SO FUNNY I DONT HATE YOU ANYMORE

(i changed the last bit at the top) I DONT HATE YOU. JUST LOOK AT HIS LIL BOWTIE LMFAOOO

EVEN MY LIL POOKS LOVES IT

#LOVESICK

AH YES THE JELOUSY

HE CANT COPE </3

THATS RIGHT, SNAP AT THAT BITCH

YOU SHOULD KNOW YOU FUCKED UP

TREVEK CLIP AYYYY

just yeah... ALEC I CAN SEE YOU CARE ABOUT HIM

THE HURT IN THIS MANS EYES

WOW

I HATE YOU RYIA GRRRR

I never liked you but now I HATE YOU

HOW FUCKING DARE YOU DO THAT TO JAKE

bros just passed out on the floor

old man yaoi

eh dont really like either/ have no strong feelings towards

Dont really like gabby tbh, never have done (idk why)

SORRY IM GLAD SHES GONE

RAKAKAKAKAKAAKAKAK ALEC YOUR SO FUNNY

the way his face drops after he sees connor isnt happy HE CARES ABOUT THIS MAN

IDGAF WHAT ANYONE SAYS JAKE IN HIS LIL SLEEPING BAG IS CUTE AF

HE WILL ALWAYS BE MY NUMBER 1 ALONGSIDE TREVOR

awh connor <3

Anywayyy i need ally out next episode. I NEED HER GONE. I NEED HER GONZO

if i could have it my way, ally goes, riya goes, then idc maybe like alec?

BUT IF ANY OF THESE WIN ILL BE OK: jake, alec, aiden, connor, grett

ryia dosent diserve the win, shes a bitch.

IF ALLY OR RYIA WIN IM GUNNA RUN.

thank you and goodbye

LMFAO

[glitterforashes]

𝑴𝒆𝒆𝒕 𝑪𝒖𝒕𝒆 ☆ 𝑰𝒈𝒈𝒚 𝒙 𝑹𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒆𝒓!

>>>> HIIII LOVIESSS it’s me! i posted this on my shared account originally like literally two or three years ago but i DONT CARE you're gonna read it and you're gonna like it because i am SO proud of this. i think this is truly my favorite fic i've ever done and it makes me SO SAD because no one even knows what this is about. educate yourselves go read maximum ride by james patterson right now. please please enjoy idc that no one will see this i'm writing part two as we speak. love ya!

>> fluff, maximum ride fanfic, i just love iggster so much. he needs some representation too. you’re a mutant, a reptile mix specifically. part crocodile and part leopard gecko. warning, this is like a mile long. enjoy!

Imagine you’re fifteen years old. Now imagine that all you’ve ever known is scalpels, white walls, tile floors, the smell of antiseptics and bleach, and the feeling of rough hands grabbing at you. The feeling of needles pressing into your skin and veins, filling your body with steroids and god knows what else. Imagine not knowing whether or not anything else is real and only seeing things about the outside world and social culture through newspaper clippings. Imagine your brain being electrocuted as you’re forced to run until your feet bleed. Imagine you’re only given twenty ounces of room temperature water and a package of stale crackers and some old ham to keep you alive most days. Got the picture?

That was the life (Y/N) lived. She couldn’t remember anything before the age of nine. All she could remember was needles, bright lights, constant nausea, and unbearable physical torture. Being cold most nights, because of course she wasn’t provided with a heat lamp. She told other experiments that she was just anemic.

It wasn’t a lie necessarily, she was severely malnourished, but it wasn’t because she was anemic that she was always cold. It was because she was a reptile. Well, kind of. She was ninety five percent human, three percent leopard gecko and two percent crocodile. She got the cool spots which looked more like vitiligo if anything, and she could go thirty minutes without blinking. She was medium height, around five six and maybe one hundred thirty pounds soaking wet. She was fast, and she had the potentially to be a malicious predator. However, it was hard to be predatory when you were used to being nothing but prey to weirdo scientists with god complexes and fucked up world views.

That takes us to present time. (Y/N) cramming herself into the furthest corner of her crate (where all the experiments were kept), hissing and baring her pointed teeth at the white-coat trying to grab at her. “Do not resist.” He growled at her, getting more erratic and rough with his movements. She kicked at him whenever he got close, and she packed one hell of a kick. Even after fifteen years, she’d never stop fighting. Which is why she was kept in a separate room all by herself, albeit still in a crate. She had been caught trying to plan an escape with the others one to many times. That tends to happen when you go without food or warmth or nourishment or education or normal socialization. “Die!” She yelled at the scientist. He sneered and slammed the door of her crate shut, hitting her toes as he did. She yelped and tucked them under her body, growling and frowning like a feral animal. She rocked back and forth, feeling frantic and sticky. She wasn’t dirty, but she felt like her skin was covered in glue. She scratched at her melanin splotched arms, her pupils widening and shrinking every once in a while.

She heard the heavy metal door slam open, and her head jerked up, expecting to see an army of white-coats storming in to grab her. But no. It was a blonde girl in ratty civilian clothes who looked like she hadn’t showered in weeks and had no clue what a hairbrush was. The girl ran over to her crate and began fiddling with the latch. “Can you walk?” She asked urgently. (Y/N) stared at her, wrapping her arms around her body tight and going on fight or flight mode. She looked feral, which she practically was. “Can you walk?” The girl repeated, louder. (Y/N) nodded hesitantly, glaring wearily at her. “Good.” The lock popped open and the door swung to the side, leaving the exit wide open for her. (Y/N) stayed, unsure if this was another simulation, another trick to lure her out so she could be tortured and chased again.

The blonde girl kneeled in front of her, trying to be kind, but failing. She was far too tough and in a hurry to have a motherly heart to heart right now. “Listen. We’re here to help you, okay?” She said, something extending from her back. (Y/N) peeked and saw that they were wings. An experiment. Just like her. (Y/N) slowly crawled out from the cage and stood, on edge and ready to pounce if anyone tried anything. “Hurry, this way.” The girl said, grabbing her by the wrist and rushing her through the door. (Y/N) could hear all kinds of commotion. Animal noises, yelling, metal slamming around, and now a loud alarm. Red lights flared up and illuminated the halls, causing adrenaline to pump harder through her body.

“Hurry, hurry! Up here!” The blonde girl ordered. They turned a corner and she saw all the experiments running up a ladder, lead by another blonde girl with wings. But she was in a lab gown. She was one of the experiments too, one that (Y/N) had tried to ally with. But she didn’t understand English as well as (Y/N) did. She saw more bird kids, overturned crates and surgical tables, and a look over her shoulder allowed her to see a rush of white-coats running straight for them. This was the one chance she had. She turned and took two steps before she slammed into someone. Her pupils immediately shrank into slits and she hissed, baring her teeth before scampering up the ladder, faster than most of the other experiments could. She was powered purely on adrenaline and now fear, fear of being caught.

She felt a gust of wind against her face and looked up to see three bird kids fly by her, through the narrow tunnel. She kicked off the last prong of the ladder and broke out into a sprint, following the other mutant kids like her instincts told her to. “Forward, forward! Don’t stop!” Someone yelled, she didn’t know who. Her legs pumped faster and harder, through the sludge of the tunnel. Had they been underground? Come to think of it, she’d never seen natural sunlight. She didn’t even know if it was real. She’d only seen it in books and scraps of newspaper left on the lab counters.

They broke out into an open area after what felt like hours, but was probably only a few minutes. She leaned against a wall as her vision faded in and out, her head starting to spin from exerting so much energy on such an empty stomach. She looked around, and she realized she wasn’t hearing. The blonde bird kid who broke her out was giving a small speech, but (Y/N) could barely register it. Everything felt muffled and far away. The last thing she saw was the experiment kids who stayed to listen to the speech scampering off, and a questioning, accusatory look from someone that looked like a living shadow.

When she woke up, she wasn’t in a tunnel anymore. She was.. where was she? She sat up abruptly, flailing her legs and moving to stand on her own two feet, getting into a fighting stance. She looked around frantically, meeting the eyes of six confused and equally as beat up kids. “No need to have a riot. It’s just us. Just me.” The blonde girl from earlier said. She put her hands up in sarcastic surrender, and (Y/N) managed a frowned. Her heart was pounding against her ribcage so hard she thought it would burst out of her chest and fall onto the floor.

She swallowed dryly and looked around. A table, a rug, a TV, a couch.. she was in someone’s house. Surrounded by a bunch of strangers. Who, to be fair, had just helped her escape from the lab. “What is this?” She managed weakly, her voice shaky and breathy. “Who are you?”

The kids shared a look, all varying in different reactions, then one stepped up. She was young, barely looked more than seven or eight years old. She had big blue eyes and curly blonde hair. She was kinda cute for being so grubby. “We’re.. the flock. I’m Angel.” She pointed at herself. “This is Nudge, Gazzy, Fang, Iggy, and Max.” She pointed at everyone individually. The one she had seen before she fainted was Fang. She hadn’t seen Nudge or Gazzy until that moment. She hadn’t seen Iggy either. She blinked, her pupils very slowly returning back to a normal size.

She didn’t speak, only breathed heavily, her chest rising and falling evenly. Out of all of them, Iggy caught her attention. He looked hopeful but vacant, standing stiff and weird. “What happened?”

She asked, returning her attention to the little girl. Max stepped up now. “We broke you out of the school.”

She said, and (Y/N) nearly rolled her eyes. She would’ve if she wasn’t still in shock. “I remember that. I mean.. where am I?” They all looked at each other again. She felt alienated. Covered in a cold sweat and in a ratty hospital gown covered in her blood and ashes and dirt, her feet crusted with sludge from the tunnel, her hair tangled. “Uhm.. Michigan-ish.” The little blonde boy, Gazzy said.

“Mich.. igan?” (Y/N) hadn’t heard of that. She knew they were in the United States, or at least she thought they were, because that’s what most of the newspaper clippings were talking about. She had the education of an average fourth grader, she only knew basic language and math skills, but nothing else. She knew nothing of history or science, only that science was bad. Scientists were bad. “It’s a state. A big hunk of land in a bigger hunk of land.” The kid explained. She nodded. He dumbed that down enough.

“You fainted when we were in the tunnels. We.. didn’t want to leave you there, so we took turns carrying you. Iggy said. She looked over at him. He was looking slightly to the left of where she was standing. Her eyebrows scrunched in the way they always did when something didn’t make sense to her. She walked over to him and saw him visibly stiffen along with the rest of the flock, who got into subtle defensive poses. She stopped and gazed up at his pale face, into his eyes. They were milky, cloudy. It clicked. “You’re blind.” She stated.

He huffed. “Nooo. Really? I hadn’t noticed.” The corners of her lips quirked up in a little lopsided smirk and she turned away from him, wrapping her arms around herself. She was malnourished, cold, and really tired. She faced Max. “Are there any blankets?” She asked. “Dunno. Is Cabin-ah-la-Michigan not good enough for you?” Max said. (Y/N)’s eyes narrowed. Max was.. joking. Being sarcastic. In a very flat, hard to tell way. (Y/N) liked it. She huffed out of her nose. “I’m a reptile. It’s cold. A blanket would be delightful.” She said, Max being visibly taken aback.

A slight smirk built on her lips and she turned to hide it. “Iggy, find her a blanket.” “Oh sure, send the blind guy to do it.” He grumbled. (Y/N) huffed a laugh again. That seemed to be the trend around here. Dry humor and sarcasm. It was refreshing. Better than listening to white-coats discuss what horrors they wanted to put her through that day. (Y/N) was on edge and shaking for more reasons than one. She didn’t know what to think of them, but they had saved her. She took a breath and told herself to just be cool.

“Thanks for saving me or whatever.” She said, crossing her arms. She saw Gazzy smile and try to stifle a laugh. She didn’t understand what was funny. “What?” She asked. “You’re acting like Fang.” He grinned. She glanced over to Fang, who was visibly offended and standing with his arms crossed. He probably had trust issues. Who wouldn’t in their case?

She looked away and down the hall to see Iggy returning with a blanket. “Found this in one of the bedrooms.” He said. She nodded and took it from him, immediately throwing it over her shoulders and sitting down on the floor, tucking her feet under her body and huddling down to preserve heat. They watched her like she was the only mutant kid in the room. “What?” She snapped. They looked away guiltily. “Nothing. You’re like, really pretty! Have you ever had your hair cut? Do-“ Nudge began, to be cut off by Iggy. “She’s a lab lizard. Do you think she’s ever been anything other than in a cage?” He wasn’t wrong, but the words hurt for some reason. Her face hardened and she angled it towards the ground. If she tried hard enough, she could glare a hole through it. Nudge’s face fell and she pouted sadly. She hadn’t considered that. She just wanted to give her a compliment.

(Y/N) heard Max elbow Iggy, and she assumed Max was scowling. (Y/N) rose from the floor, keeping the blanket wrapped tight around her body. She probably weighed the most out of all of them, having atleast some meat on her bones from her crocodile genes. “Do.. I stay?” She asked. It was silent. Six pairs of eyes stared at her. Well, five. Iggy was looking slightly near her again. Her face softened a bit and she immediately started burning with embarrassment. She angled her face towards the floor again.

“Sorry.” She uttered. “I’m sorry.” She said again. Nudge walked over to her with a friendly, understanding smile and gently placed a hand on her shoulder. (Y/N) pursed her lips and looked up at Nudge. “Let’s.. get you cleaned up.” Nudge said, trying to be polite, but her face told a different story. (Y/N) knew she looked like roadkill. It wasn’t her fault. She let Nudge lead her to the bathroom, which, miraculously, had running water. She informed the rest of the flock of that happily before helping (Y/N) undress and chattering her ear off.

“Your skin is awesome! And your eyes are so cool, the little black parts go so thin. How do you do that? What kind of reptile are you?” “Crocodile. And leopard gecko.” She answered, on edge. But.. Nudge was a girl, a mutant girl who seemed nice enough, so she accepted her help. “Have you ever even seen yourself?” Nudge asked, and she meant it as a joke. But.. (Y/N) hadn’t. Ever. Not in a mirror. Sometimes she’d catch very faint, ghostlike glimpses of herself on glass and the floors, but she’d never really seen what she looked like. Her prolonged silence made Nudge gasp. “Come, come look!” She insisted, pushing her in front of the sink mirror.

(Y/N) gazed at herself and gasped, running her fingertips across her face. Smooth but textured at the same time, like some sort of tattered silk. “That’s me?” She asked, mesmerized by her reflection. She was pretty. Splotches of tan skin were flung across her body like some sort of abstract art piece, her eyes were wide and curious, her pupils large for now. She shrank them and smiled, excited to watch it happen. She turned and turned, looking at her face, her neck, her chest, her hair, her shoulders, everything. Her hair was tangled and in desperate need of a comb, but it was fine. She was free and with people similar to her and she felt wonderful for the first time.. ever.

“Wow.” She muttered again, a smile on her face. Her teeth were sharp, her canines longer and pointier than Nudge’s. Her back molars were a bit more shaped for eating flesh, but her front teeth were relatively normal aside from the canines and such. “I know! Cmon, let’s get you in the shower before the water runs out.” (Y/N) nodded and stepped into the shower, gasping. She’d never had a shower. A real one. She’d had water thrown at her through the bars of her cage, but that’s it. She twirled around and around, letting the water penetrate her hair and slide down her body, down her legs, onto her feet. It felt great.

There was a lump of something in the corner. “Nudge? What’s that?” She asked. Nudge peaked into the shower and looked to where (Y/N) was pointing. “Oh, it’s soap! You rub it on your body and it makes you super clean and smell good.” She explained happily. She nodded. She knew what soap was, she’d just never been given any. She picked it up and did as Nudge said, rubbing it onto her arms and legs and stomach and hips and under her arms, all around. It made her feel slimy and weird. She scrubbed at her body for a while before letting the soap run off of her, opting to stand under the water stream for a while. As she ran her hands over her hair, there was a hard knock at the door.

“Hurry up in there! I have to pee!” She recognized the voice to be Gazzy’s. Nudge yelled back, “Go outside or something!” And it made (Y/N) giggle. She reluctantly switched the water off and reached for a towel, drying herself off with the help of Nudge, who wrapped her soaked hair in a towel for her. She sat inside of the sink as Nudge got through her hair, working out the snares and knots as gently as she could. (Y/N) felt like a brand new person by the time they were done. She barely recognized herself. Well, the version of herself she had seen before she showered. She felt even prettier. More alive.

She exited the bathroom with Nudge and let her lead her into the living room, where the bird kids had popped open multiple canned food items and some sodas they had found. They all, well, most of them, with the exception of Fang and Iggy looked up upon their arrival, and Gazzy’s mouth fell open. “Wow! You look like an actual girl now!” Max elbowed him, and (Y/N) stood awkwardly, unsure of what to do. She was in a huge button up and basketball shorts they had found in one of the bedrooms, her hair was still damp, she was still cold, and she felt soggy and out of place. “So uhm.. what now?” The flock shared a look. Fang shrugged. “We don’t actually know.”

(Y/N) pursed her lips. She didn’t want to be left on her own. She didn’t know how to survive in the real world. “We can’t leave her on her own.” Iggy said, reading her thoughts. Maybe he actually could. Who knew what powers they all possessed? (Y/N) looked down. She didn’t want them to leave, but she didn’t want to be a burden. She couldn’t fly. She weighed more than all of them, which meant they’d have a hard time carrying her long distances. Nudge put a reassuring hand on her shoulder.

“I’m with Iggy. She doesn’t know anything about the outside world! We have to help her. Can we keep her Max, please?” Max frowned and opened her mouth to protest when she caught Fang’s eye. They seemed to talk telepathically, Max getting gradually more irritated and Fang smirking when they broke their eye contact. He had won their silent argument. “Fine. But you have to pull your own weight, am I understood?” Max said, sternly. (Y/N) nodded eagerly and smiled, baring her teeth. Gazzy’s face immediately lit up.

“Woah! Those are awesome! What kind of reptile ARE you?”

He asked, genuinely curious. He walked up to her, inspecting her face. She opened her mouth wider for him, proud and happy that someone had a genuine interest in her and not in what would happen if they shoved enough metal prongs into her body. “Crocodile!” She said with her mouth open, so it came out sounding more like ‘crocadiiah’. “Cooool! I wish I was a crocodile!” He said. She smiled. “It’s cool I guess. But I’m always cold. I’m part leopard gecko too.” “What’s a leopard gecko?” He asked, gradually growing more and more interested. Nudge and Angel had gathered around her, and she saw Max from the corner of her eye. She looked on edge. Jealous? Maybe.

(Y/N) looked back to the three in front of her as a fourth kid rose and walked over, standing behind Gazzy. It was Iggy. “Uhm.. it’s a gecko with banana type spots on its body, and it can.. do this.” She turned and scaled the wall, climbing up to the ceiling. She could climb any flat surface, but she couldn’t hang upside down for too long. She would weigh herself down. “What? What did she do?” Iggy asked over the ‘ooo’s’ and ‘ahh’s’ of the other children. “She just climbed up the wall!” Gazzy exclaimed. Iggy nodded. “I can do this!” Gazzy said. He opened his wings and flapped them hard, propelling himself backwards. She smiled and hopped down from the wall, dusting her hands off. “Nice.”

She gave another polite smile as the three smiled at her, clearly wanting to ask a million and one questions. She opened her mouth to say something when Max’s voice chimed in. “I think it’s time to go to sleep. We have to head out tomorrow.” She said in a very stern, motherly tone. There were lots of whines and complaints, but a hard look had them shuffling off, albeit still complaining. She heard their scattered chatter, Nudge and Angel bidding her goodnight, and Iggy and Gazzy arguing over which bedroom they were gonna get. There were three bedrooms, which meant two pairs could share one each. That left (Y/N) with the couch.

She felt awkward suddenly, starting to fiddle with her thumbs. “I’ll just.. uhm.” She walked past Max with her head down and saw herself to the couch, sitting on it experimentally. She bounced on it a little, deeming it way more comfortable than the cold, hard floor of a dog crate. “Goodnight.” She said. Max paused in the opening of the hallway. She mumbled something before walking off, Fang following casually behind her. (Y/N) assumed, for the sake of her own peace, that Max had said goodnight back. She laid onto her side and stretched out, something she’d never really been able to do until then. She smiled as she tucked her arms under her head, making herself cozy.

That lasted about an hour before she was getting up, trudging down the hallway to find the blanket she had discarded. She grabbed it from behind the bathroom door where she’d left it and wrapped it snugly around her body before she began towards the couch. She sat upon it and stared at the floor for a little while, allowing her body to warm up. It wasn’t long before she began getting restless. Her body was tired, her brain wouldn’t go to sleep. She turned her head and peered down the hallway, imagining the flock fast asleep.

On a whim, she stood and went to the front door, tossing it open before gently shutting it behind her. She stuck the corners of the blanket between her teeth and scaled the side of the cabin, climbing up onto the roof. Once on top, she scooted onto the middle of it and lied down, keeping her blanket around her. She gazed up at the sky, the sky she’d never been able to see.

She saw the stars. Saw that they were real. Felt the real wind on her real, clean face, felt the wood of the cabin roof pressing against her exposed legs. She felt her brushed, clean hair around her, lighter than she could ever remember it being. She felt the soft fabric of the real blanket against her skin, and she smiled. She was free. Fifteen years of nonstop torture and mistreatment, less than basic human rights, and now she was free. In the real, open, fresh air. She closed her eyes and exhaled, feeling as if she wouldn’t mind if she died in that moment.

She opened her eyes and gazed upwards, beginning to count the stars. Despite being deprived of an education, she knew how to count. How could she not? That was all she was able to do. Count the steps, the lashings, the breaths, the floor tiles, the ceiling tiles. Four hundred twenty nine. That’s how many floor tiles there were in her confinement room. Three hundred fifteen ceiling tiles. Twenty lashings for failure to complete a task. One thousand two breaths in a mile. She knew numbers, understood them, better than anything. There was some rustling and she sat up immediately, bracing herself. Animals? White coats? Security? She looked around and turned to see broad wings and a skinny kid between them landing on the roof. The kid tucked his wings in and walked towards her, plopping down unceremoniously.

“Couldn’t sleep?” He asked. Iggy. She shook her head no. Then she remembered. A smile broke out on her face and she started giggling. He turned his head towards her, confused. “What?” He asked, she giggled. “Sorry. I just.. I just shook my head. And you’re blind.” He huffed a stale laugh and it made her giggle more. She couldn’t believe she forgot that about him. “Sorry. Yeah, no, I couldn’t sleep.” She said, tucking her knees close to her chest and wrapping her arms around them, her blanket hanging loosely over her shoulders. “Neither can I.” He laid back, tucking his hands under his head. She didn’t respond. She looked back up to the stars and exhaled, loving the feeling of fresh air in her lungs and hair and against her face. “Want some.. whatever this is?” He asked. She looked over to him to see that he was holding a can of.. whatever that was. She was skeptical, it could be poison. Even if he wasn’t the one that poisoned it. It didn’t look very edible.

“Uhm.. what does it taste like?” She asked as she accepted the can from him, inspecting it. She looked at the contents and sniffed it. It didn’t smell that bad. “It kinda tastes like beef jerky and peas.” She nodded. She poured a bit of it into her mouth. It was too chunky to be soup, but that’s basically what it was. She chewed up the mystery meat cubes and nodded. It wasn’t great, but it was way better than the stale bread, undercooked chicken, and frozen pea diet they had her on at the school. Just enough of each essential food group to keep her from dying. She passed the can back to him with one hand and wiped her lips with the other, muttering a thank you.

“So.. what’s your story?” She asked. He was quiet for a moment. “I was raised in the school. They experimented on my eyes to try and give me night vision or something and.. clearly they fucked it up.” He said, motioning to his unseeing eyes. She nodded. “A scientist named Jeb Bacheldor helped us escape. He raised us in a mountain home and taught us how to read and stuff. Then he disappeared. We think he’s dead. These mutant werewolf things called erasers burned our house to the ground after me and Gaz blew one of their cruisers up.” (Y/N) turned her head towards him, intrigued, a smile playing on her lips.

“You blew up a cruiser? Like, made it explode?” She asked. Iggy smiled proudly, flaring his feathers as they spread out behind him comfortably. “Hell yeah I did. It was a gorgeous sound. Hit ‘em right on.” He was so happy about that accomplishment she couldn’t help but smile. “That’s awesome.” He smiled, getting a little bashful at the comment. She turned away and looked back towards the sky. “What about you?” Iggy asked, his voice softer than before. Almost whispering. He assumed it was a sensitive topic. (Y/N) shrugged even though he couldn’t see it, tucking her legs closer to her body. She was quiet. “You don’t have to tell me.” He said. She shook her head. “No, it’s fine. I just.. I don’t have one. I’ve been there ever since I can remember. The.. the white coats say I’m fifteen years old and that.. they don’t expect me to live much longer.” She said, resting her chin on top of her knees sadly. Iggy was quiet. It was quiet between them for a while, only the sound of the wind rustling the leaves to be heard.

“I’m sorry.” He said. She shrugged again. “I just shrugged, Iggy.” He chuckled. “Thanks, got it.” It was quiet again until Iggy broke the silence. “You never told us your name.” He said. “Oh.” She hadn’t realized. “My name is (Y/N).” Iggy nodded, closing his eyes. “That’s a nice name.” “Thank you.” “I’ve never seen the stars before.” She said abruptly. Iggy opened his eyes and peered over in her direction. Why? I couldn’t tell you. “Really? Neither have I.” He joked. She laughed, genuinely, for the first time in.. ever, basically. “I’m sorry. I keep forgetting.” She giggled, bringing a hand up to cover her mouth. She looked over to see him smiling, seemingly proud of his jokes. “You’re fine. I do that to everyone.” “Yeah.” She looked at the stars again, she just couldn’t stop. They were so clear and felt so close. Like if she reached for one, she could grab it right out of the sky and hold it in the palms of her hands.

“They’re pretty.” She said, voice hardly above a whisper. There was a pause. “Will you describe them to me?” He asked. She looked over at him, surprised. “Has nobody ever described them to you before?” “No.” She found that hard to believe, and a bit sad. “Yeah. Yeah I’ll.. describe it.” She looked away from him. “It’s like.. the black spots on the ceiling tiles. The sky is so dark, it’s black, but there’s millions of specks of shiny white all over it. They’re bright and some are closer together than others. They’re little circles, not pointy like in drawings. They’re.. gorgeous. They kind of look like your freckles. Just white, and brighter.”

“I have freckles?” He asked. “Have you never seen yourself either?” He shook his head. “Only a few times. I don’t remember. I don’t know what I look like now.” There was a pause. That seemed to be their thing. Pauses of silence. “Do you want me to tell you?” She asked. He nodded. She turned her body towards him, gathering up all the details of him. His face, his body, his wings, his hair. Wanting to make sure she could describe him to him in perfect detail. “You’re tall. I’m sure you know that. You have blonde-ish red-ish hair.. freckles on your face and down your arms, a lot of them. Milky green-ish eyes, pale pink lips. They dip in the middle on your top lip like a bow.”

She assessed him again. “Your feathers are light brown and have white accents. Your eyebrows are neat and arched softly. You have a straight, small nose and it arches a little bit near the bottom. A Long, slender neck, a nice smile. Wide shoulders but a lean build..”

She didn’t mean to, but she started to get more and more flustered. The moment felt so intimate, she hadn’t expected it to you. She quickly turned away and cleared her throat, a blush rising on her cheeks. “Uh, yeah. That’s it.” She saw Iggy nod from the corner of her eye. “Nice. So I’m pretty hot, huh?” She chuckled, shaking her head. “If that’s what you want to believe.” She teased.

They sat in silence for what felt like hours, (Y/N) staring at the stars and Iggy just enjoying the fresh air, fluttering his wings every once in a while to shake out his feathers. The hour of the night started to weigh in on her and she laid back, tucking the blanket under her feet and chin. She didn’t plan on going to sleep on the roof of a cabin, but it’s what happened. She dozed off for a while, waking up due to being cold. It was in the earliest hours of early morning, maybe two or three. She sat up and looked to her side. Iggy was still there. She stared at him, at his chest rising and falling evenly. She weighed her idea, and the potential consequences. It was either freeze to death, go inside and possibly be interrogated by one of the flock members, or.. She crawled over to him carefully, making as little noise as she could.

Slowly, she lowered herself next to him. Not slow enough. He jolted awake and hit her in the mouth as he sat up, making her recoil. “Ow!” She yelped, holding a hand over her lips. She couldn’t be mad at him, but it frickin hurt. “What were you doing?” Iggy asked, a tinge of anger and suspicion in his voice. “I’m sorry. I was just cold.. I.. was just gonna lay with you.” She mumbled, running her fingertips over her lips as they started to swell. For being so skinny he packed one hell of a swing. She saw his shoulders untense slowly, but not entirely. “Okay. Don’t sneak up on me. Or any of the others. Sorry for hitting you.” He said. He lied down again, this time extending an arm for her to lay on. She scooted back over to him and lied down, tucking into the side of his body and using his bicep as a pillow. It wasn’t the most comfortable thing, but again, it beat her crate by a bunch.

“Goodnight.” She mumbled. With her blanket and the heat he gave off, she could rest. At least a little bit. So she did. She let her body succumb to the overwhelming rush of melatonin her brain gave off, slipping into a heavy sleep. And maybe, just maybe, she could roll with these kids.

[joleneghoul]

hey i was just curious about how u do the textures on your drawings !! they always look so good and i love the effect, is there a specific kind of texture you use? 😭

Hiiii so um, I actually have a collection of like many many texture files (over 100 lol) from over the years (some free, some i bought, some were shared with me, etc) and this process is kinda easier if you have the bought textures because they come configured to the layer settings that work best.

But the ones I use the most are from True Grit Texture Supply, they aren't free unfortunately and my favorite ones come from a pack (KraftTone, a pack meant for making halftone colors of old comics) where i'd say its not worth it to buy for just the textures But also lately I've been really Into the Kolormarc brushes and textures. The brushes themselves are textured to mimic the look of markers and the Ivory paper texture in the pack i've used on most of my recent pieces.

The pro of these textures are that the files are already set up for you, which with most free textures you will have to fiddle with them yourselves to get them looking right but here is a screenshot of how these files are always set up. They also come with a color correction later that i never use because it washes out the piece (which may be more true to old posters but idc i'd rather not wash my characters and colors out but here's a screenshot anyway).

Another thing I do to add texture for shading is use the Grain shader brushes from tgs, honestly probably my best pack from there. i use those brushes in spots like these. (the cheeks, light shadows, usually pants. and almost always rainbows to make them look less flat. also distress edges). I always CTRL and click layer then make a new layer with a clipping mask of what i want to use these colors in to keep them within the area of shading.

Other thing i do esp with like redraws meant to look like cartoons is I will add a chromatic aberration action + color noise on top. this works best if you merge all your visible layers to a new later then do those actions. Here is the action set i use.

um overall I just really mix and match a lot of these layers and techniques and actions and usually stop once i get something that looks ok. its really easy to over do it sometimes though but still.

Oh and while im at it all the lining and sketching brushes I use are the Rusty Nib pack from TGS also.

[me-saw-hoo-dini]

Kind of a vent post a little bit? I’m talking about the DSMP and a little bad about Nogla and Terroriser

Bro my Twitter is a fucking shit storm rn where every other post is about Dream or Tommyinnit and I do not give a single flying fuck about either or any of them. I did watch the dsmp and I was a huge fan of literally everyone but drama after drama with some shit being true and this that and the fucking other I deleted my original Twitter and unsubscribe from everybody. I don’t want to hear jack shit about ANYONE anymore whether it’s good or bad no matter if they did anything bad or not when I was watching them I do not give a fuck do not show me that shit. Now there are people from the dsmp that I’ll get posts from/about on rare occasions and I feel nothing but sorrow cuz I did love them and they never did nothing wrong no drama or nothing (to my knowledge but like Techno, Puffy, Ponk, etc) and I reminisce about them but other than that I mainly want that shit off my fyp.

The way I do not give a fuck about any of them is that literally any one of them could come out as pedo or abuser or ANYTHING and I would just shrug and go “eh fuck them they can rot in hell” and then simply carry on with the rest of my day. Like okay I probably would be pissed about it like I was with Wilbur but that was more towards the whole “Shelby is lying” and or “Wilbur did nothing wrong” idiots and then Wilbur trying to play it off? Idk maybe I would care I’m not sure how to explain it I just know I don’t wanna hear from/about them anymore at all. Same shit even if it was something happy like “oh they got married” or “oh they had a kid” like… ok cool idc. I keep marking tweets as not interested or even not relevant and I keep getting tweets! Twitter for whatever reason will not let me mute words either so I’m just stuck here having to see these tweets and mark them.

But I know deep god damn well down in my heart that this shit isn’t going to just stay on twitter cuz I know damn well that Terroriser and Nogla are gonna milk this drama on their react channel and I’m going to die inside. Like for the love of god DO NOT ACKNOWLEDGE THEM MY GOD. Now they might not make a reaction video idk but I just know that somehow they’re gonna bring it up sometime. Fun fact that’s why I don’t follow Nogla, Scotty, or Kelly on Twitter because they talk about the DSMP from time to time and I …

I’ll be real Nogla’s alright or whatever but sometimes he really does frustrate me when he brings up drama out of no where. Like Miniladd for example. Now let me get this shit straight FUCK MINILADD THAT ASSHOLE CAN DIE but Nogla brings up Miniladd any chance he can get and it’s just not funny at all to me it just makes me roll my eyes. “That guy looks like a certain someone we shall not name” “ohh that voice yikes” SHUT UP AND MOVE ON like you’re watching old clips and guess who y’all used to play with I’m gonna pull my hair out. Now Terrorizer isn’t really that bad cuz him and like Wildcat and even Delirious like one time will crack Miniladd jokes sometimes and they’re HILARIOUS you know why? Cuz they don’t take every opportunity they can to bring him up (and they’re really fucking good ones oml)! The only time Terroriser brings up drama that I know about is either back to back to back on the react channel depending on the topic of course or when he’s making the funny one off jokes in random videos (or random one off tweets) while Nogla my god I can tell 94% of the time when he’s about to bring up Mini and just GOOOOOOOD. Idk if maybe Nogla is getting more views/better ratings when he does talk about drama but euugh.

I just don’t wanna hear about any of the DSMP members anymore

Edit: thinking back on it I guess it is a little hypocritical of me/not entirely fair that I’m getting on Nogla and Terroriser for their drama reaction vids cuz like they’ll all make videos specifically about drama like the Johnny Depp v Amber Heard videos but too be fair I also didn’t care about their drama or really care for those videos but I did watch them and there were some funny moments that I laughed at (and I also laughed my ass of at Terroriser/Lanai’s “@AmberHeard there’s always onlyfans” tweet) so idk man I’m just sick of the dsmp and Nogla making Miniladd jokes Ig (ºل͟º)