#this child will decide who is alive
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Since im doing my 100 years in the future au I gotta iron out some future details one being
#im not tagging this#this is just for you guys#also yes joeys alive#i get to decide whose alive in my aus#and subsequently#who gets impreg#bc this child shall be biological!!#no matter which is chosen
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catelyn
lysa
cersei
alannys
dany
gilly
i call this collection 5 highborn westerosi mothers worrying about and missing their sons + 1 wildling mother losing her son to a guy who never knew his own mother, a motherless son continuing the line of motherless boys and boyless mothers
#valyrianscrolls#asoiaf#catelyn stark#catelyn tully#lysa arryn#cersei lannister#alannys harlaw#daenerys targaryen#gilly#jon snow#jonathan snowflake starkgaryen#gilly 'for the gillyflower'#(c)lsb#also rmbr when cers speculated abt jon's mom? falsely accusing ned of causing ashara's death by stealing her son#both jon and cat consider the possibility that his mother is still alive w no idea that ned wronged her not just by leaving her for cat#but by not letting her be a mother not letting her keep her own child and taking him for himself instead#bc ofc all children esp sons belong to their fathers above all if a lord decides to take public responsibility for a bastard son#either by raising him in his own castle or fostering in an ally's then mom is out of the picture#and ofc it's cersei and lysa who reject this unspoken truth thinking its mothers who have sole claim#they even use the same language of stealing. gilly tries to assert her claim as mother to a son but can't w jon actually doing what cersei#accused ned of doing to ashara but which ned did not actually do w jon
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god tywin lannister deserved worse
just remembering elias death and i wanna puke and the way tywin talks about elia and what happened is so damn gross
but rip tommen and myrcella we all know what’s about to happen in the next book :/
the cycle of violence just keeps spinning and damn you tywin for beginning it
(i got a bit crazy in the tags 💀)
#rest in peace elia and rhaenys#i’m one of those crazy ppl who thinks jaqen h’ghar is aegon 💀#literally lost the teeny tiny amount of credibility i had#anyways i think doran’s in on it and i think rhaegar switched out asharas child for aegon paralleling the baby swap jon does#the pact made in braavos about viserys and dany marriages is a half truth half lie#and arianne being sent to faegon is simply doran testing his heir. if she messes up then whoever’s spying for doran will correct her#gerold dayne knows too much that’s why doran thinks he’s too dangerous#but this would make the dornish plot sooooo much more interesting and would show that no doran hasn’t been doing nothing#it would also automatically make the daynes more important#jaqen (aegon) was in kings landing to kill robert but got caught by varys. syrio was sent to find him. ned cleared out the black cells tho#saving aegon in the process. fun how we’re actually introduced to this character through lyanna starks mini me arya#aegon was able to kill robert with a boar tho so mission accomplished.#now he’s in old town trying to hatch his dragon egg. the stone beast taking flight in danys vision is aegon being symbolically depicted…#..as a spinx#i’m crazy delusional. but ppl who think faegon is actually aegon are even more delusional than me#plus the real aegon being alive fulfills the suns son part of quaithes warnings#i like this theory bc it makes the dorne plot more interesting and it explains whatever is going on with jaqen h’ghar cause he is sus#yes yes i know i’m delusional 💀 i just think it’d be a very interesting twist#kinda hoping no one sees this post at this point bc i know no one will take this theory well lol#i do think this theory can be supported by the text tho#and cerseis throw away line about ned stealing asharas baby would suddenly become peak foreshadowing#barristan comparign dany to ashara would also be peak foreshadowing bc ashara would take the place of gilly in this parallel and she was dis#dishonored by someone at harrenhall. likely aerys and then she turned to a stark probably brandon for comfort#tbh i think it was ashara who lied to brandon about what happened to lyanna. perhaps she was trying to mess with brandon’s wedding and#was trying to get back at rhaegar for humiliating elia at the tourney. i highly doubt it was baelish who lied to brandon cause brandon#has little reason to believe him and no reason to trust him. ashara tho? arthur daynes sister and elias lady in waiting? also his lover?#anyways varys the spider potentially stealing aegon away (if he did take a child it was the false aegon) is there to parallel the others#who ride ice spiders taking crasters sons. tbh i think it was aegon who decided he wanted to train as a faceless man so he could get revenge#on his own terms. and the sea lord of braavos at the time was in on it and helped aegon with his plans#the unveiling coming up is going to be a lot more important than arya just reclaiming her identity. yes im delusional lmao. rant over
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giving my ldb a daughter. embarrassing for all involved. mostly me
#her mom is an orc and her dad is a wood elf so she's going to be a very pointy orc. angular#like ok i suppose i leaned a little heavy on the elf features but also shes 12. she'll develop more orcish features. Not My Fault 😐#mimiart#weird little girl who pretends to be a wolf -> actual werewolf pipeline#elder scrolls#skyrim#shes sooo sweet and smiley :) idk where that comes from. not either of her parents. neither a point for nature nor nurture#calling her Khara for now. might change idk#re: my caption its only embarrassing because of who she had the child with. he fucking sucks#but so does she which is why they get along and they make each other worse. but also sometimes better#whatever. they love each other and their weird kids#at first they said “no kids absolutely the fuck not” then they decided to adopt alesan because like. hes already pretty much self sufficien#like he had a job and everything right. this will be a breeze hes already pretty much a fully formed human we can just help him out#by letting him sleep in our house right. and then like not even a full year later uloth gets pregnant oops 😬#does anyone here know how to keep a baby alive. thankfully uloth has amassed basically a small village of followers/friends/housecarls#some more responsible and knowledgeable than others. so dw the kids are okay and not dead#they just keep the necromancy and shady black market trading and unethical experiments OUTSIDE THE HOUSE#tes#ocs#oc#khara has only broken her dads finger once. orc grip you know how it is#oh and his nose too. but he deserved it for stealing hers 😑 like what was she gonna do?? NOT steal his right back?? come on
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The second hand gender euphoria from talking about my blobro's gender and self-expression is so real
#thylacines can talk#originally Flower being more feminine was half out of spite for people who call THK a 'he' but now it just genuienly makes me happy#talking with my friends about Flower asking to be called a princess and PK and WL in turn asking if they have a daughter a son or a child#its just AAAAGH!!! MAKES ME SO HAPPY. It's so delightful!! Flower deserves to be seen and heard and have their opinions be prioritised#and a little bit of gender euphoria. as a treat.#the scenario in question is basically PK going to fight the Radiance and Flower goes to help him and they find out AFTERWARDS that Flower's#alive when he asks WL why she sent them after him and she's confused and says she didn't. she assumed he took them with him. and at this#point Flower decides to drop their mask (figurately and literally) and apologises for lying and going against his orders but they couldnt#let him do this by himself. theres a moment of shock and then Flower smiles shyly and goes 'hi mum hi dad' and get tackled into a hug <3#its overall super happy and fluffy and no angst or anger for a change. the entire convo happens as the two are gushing about yheir baby#being alive after it fully hits them and they call them their little prince and Flower asks to be called a princess instead#they immediately correct themselves and PK gushes about having two darlih princesses and WL asks if that means theyll wear dresses and gets#all excited about the prospect of getting them dresses and matching with them#and then they ask if they have a child a son or a daughter and Flower gets SO giddy and replies a child but theyd love it if they call them#their son or daughter from time to time. And Flower just gets smothered in cuddles and kisses and called their beutiful son and handsome#daughter and darling little girl and they're SO happy and crying#that entire scene makes me so incredibly happy you have no idea
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8 Books I Read Growing Up: A Poem
"The Intrusion," Banquets of the Black Widowers - Isaac Asimov || The Witches - Roald Dahl || Hickory Dickory Dock - Agatha Christie || The Giving Tree - Shel Silverstein || The Picture of Dorian Gray - Oscar Wilde || The Return of the King - J. R. R. Tolkien || "A Scandal in Bohemia," The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Arthur Conan Doyle || The Eyes of the Dragon - Stephen King
#blackout poetry#poetry#poem#me#jazelock#my poetry#explanations for those who may be unfamiliar with the books and/or passages but are still interested in figuring out the subtext:#The Intrusion: A man seeks the help of the Black Widowers in finding the man who took advantage of his mentally disabled sister. Henry#suggests to the man that he tell the rapist's wife what her husband did instead of beating the guy up so as to ruin the rapist's reputation#and life. Someone says that's a cruel suggestion and Henry responds that it was a cruel deed.#The Witches: The main character asks if the grandmother's missing thumb was the result of a run-in with a witch she had as a child and#she immediately goes silent and unresponsive for the rest of the night.#Hickory Dickory Dock: The murderer's accomplice turns on him after she's caught because she wants the psychopath to hang for his crimes.#The Giving Tree: The titular tree continually gives away pieces of herself to the human she loves even letting him chop down her trunk#so that he can make a boat to sail away in. This is the first and only time in the book that the tree is described as anything but happy.#The Picture of Dorian Gray: The amoral Lord Henry explains his philosophy to Dorian Gray that completely selfish hedonism is what all men#should aspire to. This conversation is what sends Dorian Gray down the path of depravity and cruelty.#The Return of the King: The hobbits finally return home after three long books' struggle against the forces of evil. However Frodo's#traumatic experiences continue to haunt him and he eventually decides to leave Middle-earth entirely due to how badly he's been wounded.#A Scandal in Bohemia: Sherlock Holmes and his client the King of Bohemia arrive at Irene Adler's home to retrieve the photograph that the#king claims she intends to use as blackmail. Instead they find a letter from Irene that explains that the king had “cruelly wronged” her#and she intends to keep the photo not as blackmail but as security in case he tries to harm her in the future. She also points out that she#and her husband saw no other option than to flee England entirely given how much power the king has at his disposal. The king even said at#the start that he'd had her waylaid and burglarized multiple times already which is horrifying if you think about it in this essay I will#The Eyes of the Dragon: I love this one. An evil magician murders the beloved queen then the king and frames the crown prince so that he#can install the younger brother on the throne as a puppet king. The younger brother has been gaslighted and isolated his entire life by#the magician. Eventually the older brother escapes from prison and confronts the magician who claims there's no proof he murdered the king#(and also that the prince and his allies won't leave the room alive). Unbeknownst to everyone the younger brother is also in the room and#suddenly speaks up to say he saw the magician poison his father. The magician leaps at him to kill him (mistaking him for the ghost of his#father). The younger brother says softly “You told me only lies magician” and shoots him right in the eye with the 90-lb bow in his lap.
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I’ve seen multiple posts/heard multiple ppl say that coop will die in fallout and like….i mean. Yeah probably tbh. and i think that absolutely makes sense. This man lived an entire life before the bombs. he was ready to retire early to a ranch and raise his daughter and spend the rest of his life with his family and just. Fucking chilling tbh. he was good. He was happy. he was ready to just ride that happiness out until he died of old age.
his goals now are to find out what happened to his kid and dismantle the system/corporations that blew up everything he and everyone else had or could have had. and then he’s done.
#.ooc ( dani is an asshole )#he will happily live on longer than that should his child still be alive and he can still raise her#(lbr unlikely….)#but he has been ready to die for centuries#and is just holding out for that one possibility#even as far as taking down vault tec I’m not sure he thinks it’s his job to do that#or decide whether to do that#but he can give someone else all the information they need to make that kind of decision#and point them in the right direction#they’re the ones who are gonna have to live in whatever world will come after not him#I haven’t had coffee yet….i hope this make sense#ALSO ONCE AGAIN REMINDED HOW OUAT SHOULDVE LET RUM DIE
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thinking about baby Pastelito wiwiw...
#🖍️ — Silly doodles#(🧁) *.✧ — Pastelito#(☆) 。.゚— Trunks#DON'T HAVE TOO MUCH ENERGY TO DRAW BUT URRGHH I FEEL LIKE TALKING ABOUT HER#sweet child wiwiwiw just imagine that little round thing running around#I was thinking about her maybe not understanding why she has to fight bad guys so probably she thinks everyone is acting#as if they were playing to be super heroes#now that I think about that she would love the Gammas bc they are meant to be super heroes WIWIWI#probably asks them for autographs#she looks at herself in the mirror like “yes I'm gonna beat some bad guys today” but she doesn't actually hate them#like she would kick Frieza in the ass and then ask him to go to her birthday party#gives all the Ginyu invitations bc she doesn't want anyone to be left out#And probably that comes with her dads being UNHINGED#wdy one of ur dads is a demon#and then you have the most angelic child so full of love. literally can't hate anyone#just a silly little slime bebe....#Trunks must fight for his life to keep this child alive bc THAT'S HIS SISTER#he didn't decide that but what else can he do?#talking about Pastelito's brother wiwiw cytruce#they are literally Silver and Green. Young brother who had to be to careful and protect his older sister too.... wiwiauhgh#I LOVE THEM I'M GOING CRAZY
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I love love love drawing but I cannot draw poses in any circumstances
#anyway the Saint Bernard pmv is still a thing#STILL FIGURING OUT EACH FRAME SO I AIN'T SHARING SHIT BUT#I'm just at the “to remind me that I am a fool” part#which sounds bad bc that's literally the second line BUT. I figured out where all the pictures and posters go#so there's that#I have to draw Tobias in the mirror now as he grows up and I'm. SUFFERING#and then I gotta decide if “tell me where I came from” is a birds view of the town or like. the highway with the sign that says “Welcome to#“how I will always be/just a spoiled little kid” would be like him standing at the bridge and turning into a kid#“who went to catholic school” is the corrupted club (no fucking idea how you call the building in English so. club.)#the beat of silence is a stone falling into the river#“when I am dead I won't join” showing characters at their funeral the“join” beat showing Thea and his brother's family#and then on “their ranks” it shows like. “ghosts” of Thea's family (Thea as a child. Thea's dead brother. and Thea's dad in cuffs)#“cause they're both” side by side Iván and Thea “holy” Thea “and free” Iván#“and I'm in Ohio” Tobías family. his aunt and father. his aunt is staring emptily and his dad looks annoyed/disgusted#“satanic” his father “and chained up” his aunt#“and until the end/that's how it'll be” I have no fucking idea lol#“I said make me love myself/So that I might love you/etcetc” Tobías and Iván stuff Idk#“Saint Calvin told me not to worry about you” Thea's (alive) brother talking to Tobías before he leaves town#“but he's got his own things to deal with” show's her brother's wife and child behind them in the doorway#“there's really just one thing that we have in common/neither of us will be missed” Tobias and thea blabla symbolism#the silent beat after that is two stones in the river#I have no fucking idea what to do at the end tho#modern prophets#CAN'T BELIEVE I FORGOT TO TAG THAT
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Where did Ghost really go before returning to Hallownest ?
Frankly, the question that was asked of them was one that Ghost wouldn't mind knowing the answer to themself.
Their memories... Even their early ones from when they first returned to Hallownest were hazy and fragmented. The more challenging fights they'd faced in the Crossroads and their first encounters with the bugs they'd come to call their friends still existed in their mind, yet lay scattered and untethered from each other with unknowable gaps in between, with no certainties as to even the order in which any of the events occurred.
Before that? They knew hardly anything of their past.
What did they do in the vast, endless wasteland outside Hallownest? What caused them to return to the fallen kingdom? Why did they even leave it in the first place?
They didn't know.
They typically didn't care to think on those questions much, either—it made more sense to focus on the present, and the things they knew now, rather than dwell on an unrecoverable past. Yet, here they were, being asked to recount those lost memories.
They... Could at least make an attempt?
Grasping at those memories was hard. Though they knew for a fact that they had spent much of their life outside the kingdom's bounds, it was as though the memories of that time had never existed in the first place.
But... They could fight. Even before coming back to Hallownest, they already knew how to wield a nail. So, then... They must have met someone out there. Travellers, perhaps. Someone who taught them how to fight—or at least the basics of it, anyway. Perhaps they were even the one to gift them the nail that had since carried them through many battles, or maybe that was a different Someone.
But who? Ghost couldn't picture them. They didn't even know for sure that such a person had even existed, but it only made sense, right?
...
There was only one time that they had ever managed to recover a long thought lost memory, and that was with the Dream Nail. If they were to enter their own dream once more, unlock the hidden secrets within their own mind... Would that give them answers? Would it do anything at all?
Although... Did it even matter? The stranger's curiosities aside, they... Didn't particularly care about discovering their past. It wasn't as though whatever it was that had happened back then could be changed. Nor did they think that learning anything new about it would affect their present life. They were happy where they were right now, with their family and friends in the recovering Hallownest.
Yes.
They didn't remember what they did before their return to Hallownest, but that was okay.
#ask#.🪲#🪲 ghost ic#🪲 headcanon | ghost#distrxst#🪲 verse | post dream no more#((trading a backstory ask for a backstory ask are we? dhdgshf))#((except that ghost doesn't remember Anything about their time before returning to hallownest rip dgshf))#((they weren't conscious enough to actually form memories at that point))#((even the abyss cutscene was something they only remembered In That Moment thanks to the dream nail))#((and i'm inclined to say that that memory was a special exception. perhaps due to the high quantities of void in the abyss))#((and my ooc answer honestly isn't super interesting! hence why i wrote a little ic thing instead <3))#((i think ghost just kinda. wandered around aimlessly in the wastes for several years.))#((they did meet various people! including someone who taught them to fight like they speculated))#((whether or not it was the same person who gave them their nail is something i haven't decided and probably never will))#((there was also someone who taught them sign language and how to read and write!))#((ghost didn't bring that up in their musing because they haven't realized that those are things that actually need to be taught))#((they think it's just kinda. something they've always inherently had? like their ability to understand hallownest's spoken language))#((though to be fair. at least *some* of it probably *is* an inherent ability/knowledge for them due to being a deity))#((they may have hung around various campsites and such at others' requests for a bit but they never had a permanent 'home'))#((even if people *wanted* them to stay. they'd always eventually end up wandering off on a hunt and then were never seen again))#((they never ended up wandering into any living kingdoms like pharloom either. they just stuck to the wastes))#((and they were able to gather enough soul from the lesser creatures out there for their body to stay alive. but not much else))#((they never gained enough nutrients out there to ever be able to molt for example))#((and then in hallownest where soul *is* more plentiful they uh. became entirely void biologically. and thus lost the ability to molt))#((which is why they still look like a child vessel physically))
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When I was in vet school I went to this one lecture that I will never forget. Various clubs would have different guest lecturers come in to talk about relevant topics and since I was in the Wildlife Disease Association club I naturally attended all the wildlife and conservation discussions. Well on this particular occasion, the speakers started off telling us they had been working on a project involving the conservation of lemurs in Madagascar. Lemurs exist only in Madagascar, and they are in real trouble; they’re considered the most endangered group of mammals on Earth. This team of veterinarians was initially assembled to address threats to lemur health and work on conservation solutions to try and save as many lemur species from extinction as possible. As they explored the most present dangers to lemurs they found that although habitat loss was the primary problem for these vulnerable animals, predation by humans was a significant cause of losses as well. The vets realized it was crucial for the hunting of lemurs by native people to stop, but of course this is not so simple a problem.
The local Malagasy people are dealing with extreme poverty and food insecurity, with nearly half of children under five years old suffering from chronic malnutrition. The local people have always subsisted on hunting wildlife for food, and as Madagascar’s wildlife population declines, the people who rely on so-called bushmeat to survive are struggling more and more. People are literally starving.
Our conservation team thought about this a lot. They had initially intended to focus efforts on education but came to understand that this is not an issue arising from a lack of knowledge. For these people it is a question of survival. It doesn’t matter how many times a foreigner tells you not to eat an animal you’ve hunted your entire life, if your child is starving you are going to do everything in your power to keep your family alive.
So the vets changed course. Rather than focus efforts on simply teaching people about lemurs, they decided to try and use veterinary medicine to reduce the underlying issue of food insecurity. They supposed that if a reliable protein source could be introduced for the people who needed it, the dependence on meat from wildlife would greatly decrease. So they got to work establishing new flocks of chickens in the most at-risk communities, and also initiated an aggressive vaccination program for Newcastle disease (an infectious illness of poultry that is of particular concern in this area). They worked with over 600 households to ensure appropriate husbandry and vaccination for every flock, and soon found these communities were being transformed by the introduction of a steady protein source. Families with a healthy flock of chickens were far less likely to hunt wild animals like lemurs, and fewer kids went hungry. Thats what we call a win-win situation.
This chicken vaccine program became just one small part of an amazing conservation outreach initiative in Madagascar that puts local people at the center of everything they do. Helping these vulnerable communities of people helps similarly vulnerable wildlife, always. If we go into a country guns-blazing with that fire for conservation in our hearts and a plan to save native animals, we simply cannot ignore the humans who live around them. Doing so is counterintuitive to creating an effective plan because whether we recognize it or not, humans and animals are inextricably linked in many ways. A true conservation success story is one that doesn’t leave needy humans in its wake, and that is why I think this particular story has stuck with me for so long.
(Source 1)
(Source 2- cool video exploring this initiative from some folks involved)
(Source 3)
#we can save the world just maybe not in the way we’d planned#long post#scicomm#conservation#lemurs#wildlife#ecology#animals#vet med#veterinary medicine#One Health
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#Today the boss decided to change out the sale table in the middle of the day without any warning whatsoever#then she jumped down my throat about my attitude when I expressed my surprise by saying ‘right now? where are we going to put it all?’#(for context: we have a tiny back room. I have been trying to bend the laws of physics for months to get the overstock to fit in it)#to me it was a non-issue. I was going to carry out whatever she wanted anyway because. she’s the boss.#like I’m just the peon. what the fuck am I gonna do? Say no??#but I’m apparently ‘always questioning her’ and I ‘think I can do it better than her’ and#she’s ‘been in the business longer than I’ve been alive’ (false)#she was literally lecturing me like I was some child that needed scolding. and I couldn’t leave the back room to go do what she asked#because she was blocking the way. because our back room is TINY.#I took a second to cool off after it happened and waited for the store to empty out before apologising#like I actually tried to say ‘I’m sorry it wasn’t my intention to question your efficacy as a businesswoman’#but she just kept cutting me off every time I tried to get through the apology. wouldn’t even accept or acknowledge the apology#just ‘NOPE. NO. IT’S OVER. IT’S DONE. NO HARD FEELINGS. NO GRUDGES’#oh??? no grudges??? sure sounds like she’s been holding a grudge against me for saying anything that she feels is questioning her authority#apparently this has 'been a problem for a while' but she's been 'letting it slide'#like. um. Maybe? she should have taken me aside and. talked to me about it? LIKE AN ADULT??#Before letting it get so bad that she blows up in my face about it??#like she was actually *yelling* at me in that back room.#this kind of blowup doesn’t just happen to people who let shit roll off their back like water off a duck#how the fuck can I trust that she isn’t just harbouring some other grudge that’s going to blow up in my face randomly without warning now??#you want attitude hon? you don’t even know what attitude is#if I’m gonna be vilified for being surprised and having opinions then I’m just gonna start acting like a fucking cartoon henchman at work#I mean. I’m not paid enough to think. so I’ll just let her make al’ the decisions. even the little ones.#WHADDA YOU WANT ME TA DO BOSS?#I DUNNO BOSS WHADDA YOU TINK I SHUD DO?#WHATEVA YOU SAY BOSS#HEY BOSS CAN I GO PEE NOW BOSS#WHERE DO I GO PEE BOSS?#no fucken grudges huh?#thanks for the new grudge boss. I'll be keeping this one for a loooonnnnng time
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EI rejected my claim and doesn’t say why, and I’m panicked and furious. This could mean I receive no EI support at all this month, and not only do I have rent to pay which takes almost two EI payments alone, I now have school costs as well.
I feel like the world is falling apart around me just as I started to move forward for the first time in eight years.
#this is probably the most. unsafe i guess. i’ve felt in months#i genuinely don’t know if i can handle all the things happening#losing our home. having to find a new place. my monthly rent at least doubling. the cost and stress of going back to school.#having to cut my hours once i’m back at work so i CAN go to school#no having any clue where my family is going to end up living#knowing that everyone in my family will be losing money after selling the house because we will all be renting#but it’s the only option because my mom doesn’t have enough money to survive on and the house half belongs to her#so she needs that money now#but if we could hold on to the house for even just three more years we would be in a much better spot financially bc#1. my dad wouldn’t be losing 2000+ dollars a month on rent 2. i wouldn’t be spending an additional 600 or more on rent than i already am#3. because they’re developing the area around our house the value of the house will increase significantly#but it’s just not a fucking option#because sixteen years ago i forgot my fucking lunch and a bus decided to total my mom’s car and leave her permanently disabled#and i thought i got over blaming myself years ago because i REALIZE how fucking stupid it sounds#i was a fucking child i had no idea me forgetting my fucking lunch would mean my mom got hit by a bus#but it did#i forgot my lunch and a bus hit my mom and she had to leave the career she loved#and because she wasn’t working she was crossing the street two years later and got run over by a FUCKING car#and because she got run over by a car she was told that not only would she not return to work in the next five years she would likely never#work again. and she would also live with pain so bad they would put her on medications so heavy she became a different person#a violent person who i was scared of and who she herself didn’t understand and didn’t like and who in her own words#would have killed herself if she didn’t need to take care of me.#and because she was now an unemployed and struggling TBI survivor she was in the back of a car coming back from the CtCB awards#for TBI survivours when the car she was in was hit AGAIN and she needed to be cut out of the back seat.#the universe sure has a sick sense of humour#and because of the physical and emotional and financial strain on the family my dad became more stressed and angry and took it out on my mom#and eventually (thankfully for their own health) they got divorced#but now we’re here. losing the house. all because of the most disgusting butterfly effect i’ve ever encountered personally.#and it was my fault#anyway. i’m not going to do anything stupid i know that won’t help anyone. but i still don’t exactly want to be alive rn.
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To be aware you might be trans but unwilling to do anything about it is to create endlessly bigger boxes within which to contain yourself. When you are a child, that box might encompass only yourself and your parents. By the time you are a gainfully employed adult, that box will contain multitudes, and the thought of disrupting it will grow ever more unthinkable. So you cease to think of yourself as a person on some level; you think not of what you want but what everybody expects from you. You do your best not to make waves, and you apologize, if only implicitly, for existing. You stop being real and start being a construct, and eventually, you decide the construct is just who you are, and you swaddle yourself up in it, and maybe you die there. There is still time until there isn’t.
This reading of TV Glow’s deliberately anticlimactic, noncathartic ending cuts against the transition narrative you typically see in movies and TV, in which a trans person self-accepts, transitions, and lives a happier life. Owen gets trapped in a space where he knows what he must do to live an authentic life but simply refuses to take those steps because, well, burying yourself alive is a terrifying thing to do. The transition narrative posits a trans existence as, effectively, a binary switch between “man” and “woman” that gets flipped one way or another, but to make our lives so binary is to miss how trans existences possess an inherent liminality.
Humans’ lives unfold in a constant state of becoming until death, but trans people are uniquely keyed in to what this means thanks to the simple fact of our identities. You can get lost in that liminality, too, forever trapped in a midnight realm of your own making, stuck between what you believe is true (I am a nice man with a good family and a good job, and I love my life) and what you know, deep in your most terrified heart of hearts, is real (I am a girl suffocating in a box).
And yet if you want to read the film as being about the dangerous allure of nostalgia, you’re not wrong. I Saw the TV Glow totally supports that interpretation, too! But in tempting you with that reading, the film creates a trap for cis viewers that will be all too familiar to trans viewers. Somewhere in the middle of Maddy’s story about The Pink Opaque being real, you will make a choice between “This kid has lost it!” and “No. Go with her, Owen,” and in asking you to make that choice, TV Glow is simulating the act of self-accepting a trans identity.
See, the grimmer read of the film’s ending truly is a nihilistic one. It leaves no hope, no potential for growth, no exit. Yet you must actively choose to read that ending as nihilistic. If you are cis and the end of I Saw the TV Glow left you with a gnawing sense of dissatisfaction, a weird but hard-to-pin-down feeling that something had broken, and a melancholy bordering on horror — congratulations, this movie gave you contact-high gender dysphoria.
In an infinite number of possible universes, there is at least one where I am still living “as a man,” embracing my fictionality, avoiding looking at how much more raw and real I feel when I “pretend” to be a woman. I think about that guy sometimes. I hope he’s okay.
Consider, then, my cis reader, that TV Glow is for both you and me, but it is maybe most of all for him. I hope he sees it. I hope he breaks down crying in the bathroom afterward. I hope he, after so many years locked inside himself, hears the promise of more life through the hiss of TV static.
Emily St. James, “I Saw the TV Glow’s Ending Is Full of Hope, If You Want It to Be,” Vulture. June 4, 2024.
#i saw the tv glow#jane schoenbrun#isttvg#isttvg spoilers#i saw the tv glow spoilers#reading#emily st james
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HELL YEAH CROWN PRINCE PHANTOM whose ectoplasmic signature readings are obviously higher than that of his dad’s, who’s still filtering the corrupted ectoplasm and that takes time, (which is why he only wears the crown and not the ring.) So imagine, imagine that the imaginary of the vengeful angel was only visible to Danny, just like the crown, like imperceptible to human eyes kinda thing. To Batman Red Hood is just another ecto-entity who caught him off guard, and so he has to be better prepared. He goes see the JLD to ask for more information about these entities. They tell him one is the ghost king. Cuz mages can get a read in signatures and one is off the charts level powerful, or maybe Batman just had a scanner I dunno, point is Batman wrongly deduces whose the ghost king in this situation. After all, only one was able to actually display a tangible supernatural form and readings that remained steady during the scan. ((Jason’s are unreliable, funky if he’s not trying and bitch-you-better-start-running if he is.))
So. Batman wants to summon the ghost king. He doesn’t see a reason to involve the JL, just him and Constantine, who’s like ?? I heard there was new management, but…so new that the king’s a literal child?? okay I gotta see this. im putting a bunch of binds and spells so the ghost won’t be able to cross the summoning circle. Like Constantine just has Batman’s initial assessment and a power chart. Bruce’s detailed report indicates the kid has no experience on battle combat and instead just heavily relies on his powers (list of known powers not conclusive), but is still a threat that knows his and his associates secret identity. Curiously, the Bat also put that the kid is heavily suspected of being emotionally compromised.
Anyways
They expect a child.
They get the Red Hood.
Red Hood, who is still a bat, and still trained with assassins. Motherfucker whose ectoplasm readings are again so funky he can pass through the summoning’s restrains and binds as if they are not there. He’s such a little shit about how he’s sprinting the whole thing. He’s ghost adjacent enough he can turn intangible. He’s an expert on combat who can fucking predict what the bat’s planning to pull because he fought alongside him. Dramatic bitch saw Batman and immediately went to throw hands. Especially when the the Bat tries to pull off a gun on him.
Jason: oh so you’re using guns now??? you’re really such a hypocrite!!
Batman: I’m not the one whose letting a child cover for their criminal activities!!
…
Batman, at some point: I would never hurt my own son!!
Jason:
Jason: 🤡
…
Batman: how do you know our identities???
Jason, who didn’t know B knew he knew and who also had a pretty hardcore pretty little liars phase ✨: two can keep a secret if one of them is dead. bitch.
Batman:
Batman: this is confirmation. a dead figure from my past told him i’m Batman
…..
Batman, who’s still trying to see an angle to the Red Hood: You are obviously unfit to take care of a child
Jason:
Danny, 15 and thoroughly done with everyone's crap, steals the Crown of Fire and the Skeleton Key and uses the later to find a suitable new High King for the Infinite Realms. The key (also known as Deaths kay) acted like a sort of Infi-map but lacked the limitations of needing a natural portal to spawn in that time/location and could get you past any wards/protections no mater how powerful.
The key spawns him just in front of the form of a sleeping Jason Todd, and Danny decided he wasn't going to question the magical keys judgment and just plops the crown on a bleary and startled Jasons head.
The crown burned for this guy, signaling that it found him worthy and that was more than enough for Danny.
With no context whatsoever, Danny looked Jason in the eye, burning neon green meeting with wide greenish blue, "You're our king now."
Then he vanished.
Jason later finds that the Lazarus entity left behind a handmade pamphlet. It was immensely unhelpful.
#Jason: you are the least adequate person to tell me that you overgrown emo furry#You don’t see ME going into your house to scream all you did wrong when you were a first time dad#Jason somehow finds himself facing a Batman that’s asking him to sign away him parental rights#to which. first. deja vu. that’s even the same pen that B used when he was adopting Jason#and second. no. what the fuck.#Jason can’t believe the AUDACITY of this man#omg Karen you just can’t adopt the first child you think is in a bad place#like Jason bluescreens for a second#then he decides that if Bruce is gonna be such an obtuse little manchild about it then so will Jason#that’s right. uno-reverse card bitch#Jason is about to steal all his siblings back from his dad#Jason revealing himself to all of B’s children: yes hi you’re my sibling now#and you have a nephew!!!#Jason is just on a warpath to drop as many bombshells as he can#like#Yees i’m alive again dickhead please stop crying i missed u too#What no!! Timmers you are my brother no you cannot be my son. why?? bitch Dick will kill me if I take away his older brother dad thing#Dames Dami no you don’t have to compete to see who’s the best kid-nephew here also please don’t try to kill Danny#he has the power to die on command. not the wish#*sigh* wait what do you mean I don’t breathe sometimes?? omg cass hold me I’m having a bit of a panic attack#shit I’m literally king of the dead. oh-uh you didn’t know?? huh. huh#i must still be reeling over you figuring out I was the red hood like two second after meeting me you little menace#Duke still isn’t in the picture. but he would be BLINDED. like shit Danny didn’t you say only other ghosts could see the ethereal glow and#stuff?!?#Danny: DAD that was YEARS AGO you’re stable now and like pulsing mermaid barbie levels of power of course others CAN SEE YOU#dw they learn how to put the blindsides on#but yeah B now has his children giving him the stink eye#OOF I FORGOT#ESPECIALLY AFTER THEY LEARN HE ATTACKED THEIR BROTHER AND NEPHEW#Jason is very happy tho because now he knows he has family that loves him and will avenge him (even if it is against B) 💜😌
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Tim begins to distance himself from his family after Damian becomes Robin.
It was obvious in the way he ran off to rescue Bruce, but that was more of a physical thing at the end of the day. He was desperate and had lost any kind of safety net and support he had after Dick threatened Arkham and how badly he hurt Alfred with his instance that Bruce was alive.
Either way he was going to get Bruce back, if not because he felt like he was an aimless, nothing human being without Batman then there was that he wanted to be believed.
Then Dick handed over Robin to Damian who at that point genuinely despised Tim, though there was also a level of jealously in the young Wayne’s mind at the intelligence and analytical Tim.
It was then that Tim decided he would bring Bruce back and then do his own thing, outside of Robin and outside of Batman.
He clearly had done his job hadn’t he? Sure Bruce was dead, but Dick was acting as Batman and that Batman had a Robin, so his reasoning for being Robin was extinguished.
Tim brings Bruce back and the older man praises and thanks him for several days and then, like everything else, the attention moves away. It goes to him connecting with Damian on a vigilante level and catching up on the last several months of him being ‘dead’. It goes to Jason who, now that he’s lost his foster father has decided that maybe he could try a little harder after all.
It goes to everyone and anyone other than Tim and this time? That’s actually the plan.
Tim isn’t as good of a hacker as Barbara, but she’s basically a god at it so compared to others he might as well be master level, just not against her. This he uses to shift around peoples schedules so Alfred has no choice but to let him go to school on his own (Tim may have also invented an early morning ‘club’ that was totally legit and not at all a fabrication). He makes it so when Dick is over or Jason takes the rare opportunity to visit he had to work at WE or DI, something important he can’t neglect.
He never has to walk Ace or Titus because he’s busy with his team mates.
Team mates who think he’s busy helping out Batman.
Tim still does work as a hero, but it’s entirely through his businesses after a while. A few times he has no choice but to go out in a boring black suit with a full face mask and hoodie. It’s got nothing on it, no symbols or gadgets. Nothing to connect him to anyone.
He starts with the homeless, dishing out vaccines like candy without even doing a campaign to showcase it.
Then he changes Bruce’s rather naive approach to orphanages and makes it so every single child who is put through is given a small amount of funding. He makes it so kids have more chance to stay with siblings, makes sure everyone who even so much as enters the ground of a orphanage have a real background check and sure the adoption rate drops, but so does the missing kids and DV cases.
Tim steals over fifty million from people like Luther and Penguin and all kinds of corrupt rich assholes for the majority of the funding and not even a cent of it is traced back to Wayne or Drake businesses. Whiles he’s digging into Lex be manages to get enough evidence to put a sizeable dent in his reputation, even if Lex manages to smooch a fair bit of it back.
He’s manages to take out a large sized trafficking ring and helps get the victims into a real recovery home that he hand picks out security for.
Later, as in a few days afterward, he discovers a dog meat farm and everyone medical veterinary student suddenly finds themself free of student loans and debt and with multiple work opportunities available and volunteer work being down right pleased for.
Tim knows he’s being noticed but given that he basically lives in his office in the heart of the city, he isn’t there to hear his old teammates and ‘family’ talk about the mysterious Dread.
Dread who was named that after a report came out about a theory of an unknown hacker or ‘cyber vigilante’ who was stealing money and information from rich folk and giving it to the poor, giving all of the 1% dread that he would hit them next.
The exact quote was ‘Those with money deeper than their pockets dread the hackers next moves. And they should feel that dread as a warning for this Robin Hood like legend seems to be getting braver.’
Dick was sure the hacker would have been called Robin if he hadn’t chosen that name already, to which Barbara responded with grumbles and growl because she couldn’t find anything other than holes and traps left by the hacker. It was like they knew her every move before she even made it!
Tim, obvious to his growing reputation until it fully took off, hadn’t even considered that his actions would be framed a threat by Batman. He would say it was because he didn’t think Bruce would ever really target him like that, but in actuality it’s because he knew Bruce was one of the few good rich folk. Surely he would be on the side of a secret vigilante hacker trying to use horrible people to do good? He embraced Dread quickly and was happy he make the rich squirm and brought a sense of hope to people, it was just like Robin but instead of them being safe and given light they were given a peace of mind in a mix of revenge and justice.
What Tim doesn’t know is that Bruce is still too far into his whole image of black and white, good and evil, that he tends to forget there’s grey areas.
At least Jason is on the side of Dread, even if he still thinks the myth of a story is just that, a myth.
It’s when Tim blows up a bank when everyone has gone home for the night just so people will find the underground money ring that and he visits the manner to get a few things that he hears them talking about it.
By that point it’s been around two years since he dropped Robin and as usual Dick always greets him with a look of a desperate puppy, “Tim! Hi, you’re here. I haven’t seen you in months, how have you been?”
Tim smiles at Dick even if he hasn’t gotten over his anger at his oldest brother and moves to sit at the breakfast table with everyone (Alfred, Bruce, Jason and Damian).
“Good. Busy, we’ve had a lot of donations lately.”
Jason snorts, “No shit. Isn’t Wayne Enterprise one of the few ones not hit by Dread?”
Bruce grumbles and shakes his head, “I wouldn’t say that. They’ve managed to get into our system and completely changed the Jason Project.”
Jason grins and laughs happily, “you mean improved! Crime Ally is doing great now. Not the best, but still a fuck of a lot better.”
Smiling at the man who once beat him to an inch of his life, Tim takes a sip of his tea and casually says, “You’re welcome.”
The whole table goes quiet as Tim continues to casually sip his tea.
The silence carries for a total minute before Bruce puts down his cup and leans forward with a slight growl in his voice, “Explain.”
“Explain what?”
Bruce stands over his son even from halfway down the table and very obviously tries to calm himself with a deep breath, “What do you mean ‘you’re welcome’?”
Tim makes an ‘oh’ expression before cocking his head to the side in confusion, “I was the one who fixed the Jason Project? Wait, did you guys not realise I’m Dread?”
Damian shouts out a ‘what?!’ That makes Titus jump and Tim laughs under his breath, “What did you think I was doing?”
“Running the business! Not stealing from people and black mailing politicians!”
It’s Tim’s turn to growl now and he stands up himself with a glare at Bruce that is as close as any of them have gotten to the famed Bat-Glare, “Are you fucking kidding me? Like are you a Tully kidding me with that horse shit?”
Bruce looks stunned and Alfred doesn’t even tell him not to swear.
Tim slams his chair into the table.
“What the fuck else would I be doing, Bruce? I’m not Robin, that was taken from me, so what else was I gonna do? I finished my job, not only keeping you from killing anyone but bringing you back, so I had do pick something else. I’m not stealing from the rich, I’m stealing from selfish cunts who ruin peoples lives for no reason and giving it to people like Jason. So, don’t you fucking yell at me and don’t try to make me feel bad for this, not when I’ve done more in two years than you ever have and- don’t you fucking speak Dick, not when you were the one who took my place here away from me! Now, I have a trafficking ring I need to expose so good. Fucking. Day.”
Jason is the only one who follows him.
#batfam#tim drake#bat family#dc comics#batfamily#dc universe#Tim Drake is NOT red Robin#dc#tim drake is a menace#damian wayne#dick grayson#bruce wayne#jason todd#tim drake centric#hacker Tim Drake
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