#and eventually (thankfully for their own health) they got divorced

[reflectionsofgalaxies]

EI rejected my claim and doesn’t say why, and I’m panicked and furious. This could mean I receive no EI support at all this month, and not only do I have rent to pay which takes almost two EI payments alone, I now have school costs as well.

I feel like the world is falling apart around me just as I started to move forward for the first time in eight years.

[tobydandelion]

Okay, so, as of today, the divorce suit against my ex is already underway. My abuser, Laurynn Lasnek, is about to have the last of her control over my life finally wrenched away from her. I've begged her for about a year now to just file for divorce amicably with me so I could go to school and get help for my disabilities easier, but she thought ignoring me would result in me just withering and dying on the street without her. She had actually told me as I was leaving her that I'd be dead without her, in pretty much those exact words.

Well, a little over a year later, and not only am I still alive, but thriving more than I ever thought I could be. I've never been more confident in knowing myself- a concept that I once tried to explain to her, but she gaslit as delusion. (She wanted me to hate myself so much she medicalized self-love as mania. And last I knew, she's studying psychology to become a therapist- yikes.)  I've learned a lot about my strengths and limitations in the last year, and I'm still sure that school is the right path for me- something else she said was delusional. While proving her wrong won't be my primary goal in school, it sure will be one great additional motivator to dredge up when needbe, lol. 

So as soon as the divorce process finishes, my *new* service coordinator (I complained about my old one till I got one who understood what "sensory overload" is, thankfully) is going to assist me with filing for fafsa and getting me in contact with counselors at the wonderful local community college! Right now the plan is just Gen Ed and English for a while, before going straight into lawschool once my grades and test scores and whatnot are all ready for that. The more I look into lawschool and the actual job of being a civil attorney, the more confident I am that I would find it deeply fulfilling and could eventually find ways around what would otherwise be limitations from my sensory and social disabilities. 

It's so amazing that the process is finally really underway. After waiting and planning for so long, it's finally time to really start living again, for the first time as a fully autonomous person in control of my own life. And I'm going to go to school to spend the rest of it fighting for other disabled people to help better take control of their lives as well. Not sure exactly what that's going to look like yet, but that's where my intrest in law really sparks from. I feel like having a special interest in advocacy is also making me lean toward a career where I would get to advocate for other disabled folks, too. Like I said, this feels so right for me. It's going to take a very long time, yes, but when I'm careful to take care of myself properly, I'm capable of being very steadfast and patient. 

And part of that self-care is occasionally darkly venting, so skip this next bit if that bothers you, lol:

To my abuser, and now soon to be ex-wife: "Give up the concern trolling. You know I was never manic, you just hate high support needs autistic people and thought you could convince people I was having a manic episode to try to keep control over me while I was trying to escape you. If you had actually been worried about my mental health, you would have told the police that you called on me for a 'wellness check' that I was autistic. Any high support needs autistic or their loved ones would understand what you did should basically be considered attempted murder where we lived. And while that would be difficult to get an abled jury to understand, the battery I endured from you definetly won't be. (Fun fact: I'm within statute of limitations for the next two years for criminal charges. I'm weighing my options on that still, right now. I do wanna just move on and focus on school, but I also want your potential future victims to know what you're capable of before you hurt someone else.) Laurynn Lasnek, you are an abuser and someone who has disturbing and predatory control issues towards disabled people. God help your clients if you actually become a therapist."

She tried to take everything from me, but I didn't let her. I took it back and then some. And now, the ball really is rolling on my amazing new life- a life that's even better than what I was imagining and hoping for back when all I had was blind confidence and stubbornness to stay alive while in the process of escaping her. If anything, I'm further ahead than I thought I'd be at this point right now, emotionally anyway. I've gained a few close, true friends these last couple months, which is something I still hadn't gotten my hopes up to actually expect. And yet I find myself feeling truly supported by people other than myself right now, both in my education goals and emotionally. And as much as it's reassuring to know I'm resilient enough to get through without that support, it feels so amazing to have after so long without it. 

I've noticed that when I rest, lately, I actually feel rested afterwards. And I can stay calmer and focus easier a little longer with the same amount of thc. Really taking care of my sensory disabilties and sticking firm to that has resulted in extremely reduced executive functioning issues- I was even able to find and contact and arrange a meeting with a lawyer for the divorce all on my own, my service coordinator didn't help with that- I'm so proud of myself. I can't wait to see what I'm capable of in school! And I'm almost one huge step closer to that, now. 

Right now my job is waiting, and to not burn myself out, so that I'm ready for anything with the divorce stuff. I think I can handle that for a while. Still gonna be saving up for attorney's fees for additional lawsuits I might bring against her, like I said, after more communication and research. But for now, the pace is truly my choice, because either way my education goals are actively being worked toward. 

I'm excited. :3

[cypaira-the-skeleton]

Finally, after a long existence into the void of my mind, I finally brought Raven's grandfather (a.k.a Papá) to life...in a drawing

He was Raven's grandfather when he was still alive. He's her mother's father, and the father-in-law of Raven's original father.

This man was a blessing from the sky. No matter what was thrown to him, no matter how bad people tried to do him wrong, he never got physically hostile, and rarely got himself in fights and arguments.

He wasn't wealthy but he still received a good ammount of money. Alone with his good nature, he used to be very naive. He was married to a woman which turned out to be a ' gold digger ', where she used him just for his money. He noticed his long mistake after Finally opening up his mind and realising that there was never love between them two.

When Raven's mother was growing, she adopted the same behaviour as her mother. Rude, apathetic, gas lighting, and no respect to anyone. Paul eventually divorced his wife, which she proceeded to completely abandon the existence of her own daughter, and he tried to raise his child the best way he could, but the damage was already done.

Even if he was kind, he wasn't stupid (not anymore), he could see the good and bad in the people he knew and met. He tried to keep his daughter away from messing up her own life, and telling her multiple times to be careful at what she does, but she wouldn't listen, leading to her meeting up with a man, doing the deed when she was just 19....and proceed to the existence of Raven.

The neighborhood they lived in was too nosey for him, so he decided to move to a different and more quiet neighborhood in a different village, restarting his life anew while he helped his daughter and future son-in-law to a new life for themselves. He wanted her to finally learn that actions have consequences, and offerd to help take care of his new grandchild when needed.

....as the story might be clear now, due to them becoming early parents cause of their lack of common sense they gave the fault to their new daughter saying that if she didn't exist their life could have been better, cue them feeling forced to take care of a child they carelessly created, not giving her any parental attention or love except when having to give her the vital needs such as nourishment and clothing. The rest, she was treated like a house plant. Give her what she needs, and leave her be.

Now Paul knew what was going on, and he wished he could have taken the whole matter in his hands. Unfortunately, a few years before Raven was born, he was unfortunately made aware of a terminal illness he had, and really couldn't do anything except having a chance to live for a few more years. He wished he would have adopted her, but he knew that once he was gone, she would have went back to her parents, and since no other family members existed, he could only visit them frequently, raise Raven the way he wished his daughter was raised, and be part of her life.

He feared for this little girl to turn for a bad rode, but since he constantly was in her life, she thankfully turned pretty much like him. Kind, generous, appreciative, and a curse to his kindness...Naive.

Raven wouldn't notice that her parents really didn't give a damn of her existence, but he was too glad to see her happy, and let her live in her own innocent and blissful ignorance.

When Raven was 6, his health unfortunately got worse. He had to ask her parents to bring her to his house more frequent, to avoid long travels, and didn't waste a single precious second with his beloved granddaughter. In her eyes, Paul was like a second dad to her, reason why she would call him ' Papá ', and in his, she was the daughter that he regretfully wishes he had.

A few months followed, and his health depleted. Raven somehow managed to go to his house by herself, but he didn't care... he knew his time was coming. It pained him to see Raven confused at why she wasn't gonna spend time with him anymore, still unaware at the concept of death. He gently and patiently explained to her that where he is going now, is not a place she can go to yet. After a few heartfelt " I love you" 's and " I will still look after you ", his soul slipped away from his body, leaving a scared, confused, and heartbroken Raven on his former body.

He watched everything happen, from the day he died, the day of his funeral, the success of her parent's jobs, the news of a new grandchild, the complete neglect of Raven while her baby sister got all the love and attention and the nice things in life, to the day they just left her at an orphanage like a used up object at a Sale shop, and the day Raven was free from her naiveness to realise the dark and sad truth on her life while she sat at a corner at an alleyway.

He wasn't there physically, but spiritually he followed after her every step in life, and he will do so until they get to meet again.

[almostperfectshark]

Well Guys,

Where do i even begin to start... My life has been hectic, wild, and absolutely crazy these last few years. I dropped everything I had in Michigan at 18 years old and moved to Montana for a guy who i actually happened to meet on this website. Tumblr... Who knew right? I’m sure there’s probably a lot of you that have found love out their on this website and if your happy I’m happy glad it worked out for ya but sadly it didn’t for me. You know that feeling when you meet someone online who you instantly vibe with and have conversations with and it feels like you’ve known each other for years?? That’s the kind of feeling I had when I met this person. I won’t drop his name because to this day he continues to “stalk” me. He manages to find all my social media platforms no matter how many different emails I used he finds all of them.. I of course skyped him and made sure he was who he said he was or so I thought.. He was real physically but emotionally he was completely different if that makes sense. We talked for hours upon hours day and night every spare second we had so I ended up moving to Montana and I’m a Michigan gal so that is quite a distance. I left everything I had behind my family, my friends my college I was enrolled in and about to start, my drivers license ,EVERYTHING. Prior to me flying out to Montana he talked about a poly relationship and I have been in a poly relationship in the past so I was thinking about giving the okay but didn’t give the okay to him yet. Not only does he show up with two random strangers I’ve never seen before or knew their names wouldn’t you want to pick up your partner alone and not with two people she doesn’t know? Well we get in the truck after I grab my bags and of course I’m wanting my first kiss with him but it’s kind of awkward to share that moment in front of some strangers ya know? So we get to the house and I can’t stand it anymore so I finally lean in and kiss him and look behind me to hear them say “Don’t stop because of us” that was a little weird. We go inside and his mom is still awake poor thing ( I honestly miss her so fucking much) she introduces herself and hugs me and welcomes me. We go into his room in the basement and do our thing the next day goes by and I start to become good friends with we’ll call her Sara so we get on the topic of the best sex we’ve ever had and she tells me the best sex she ever had was with my bf and he tries to deny it and I threaten to go back home since I haven’t even been there for two fucking days he begs me not to so I decide to invite Sara over to confront him in front of me and she does and she ends up making him tell the truth he then proceeds to cry hysterically and starts telling me he doesn’t want to lose me and ends up punching a wall in rage and probably self disappointment they leave and I decide to forgive him even though this happened the day before i got on the plane. I was already half way across the map and wasn’t willing to give up and make a fool of myself for some guy I met online. He changed for a little bit before I moved out there he was a manager at Sonic but when I showed up he wasn’t working anymore so I took on the reigns at that point of bringing in an income. At first I started at a sporting goods store and I loved it I miss that place so much it was such a cool and rad place sadly it closed down because we were a sister store and we weren’t bringing in enough income to their liking. From there I moved on to a organic grocery store and that place was boujie as all hell, at first I thought they were all nice people but lord does that change It’s kind of funny and sad at the same time how much people can change within a matter of seconds. Most of the items in that store didn’t have barcodes to scan you had to remember individual numbers for every damn thing every piece of candy,nuts,fruits,veggies. There was a girl who came in every single day who helped get me the job she worked in the medication department super sweet girl actually named Sara lol but not the same sara as above. She would come in every single day crying this woman would bust her ass at this place and she was a manager and never got a higher recognition for any of the shit she did ever they literally treated her like garbage. She was the only one who would help me with any questions I had unlike my other manager who thought she was all that and a bag of chips. She was from the U.K. her name was Fran this woman was a fucking bitch one of the most two faced people I have ever met in my life. This woman would literally have her cashiers me or the other closers ring up a bunch of groceries for her and put them in bags and then she would carry them to her car and told us she would pay for them the next day well guess what she never paid for them and she continued to do this for days so I started asking the other cashiers who she had do it as well and they said that she checks herself out... that seems a little fishy why don’t you trust us doing it? Do you go back and delete items? I think she started to catch on because this woman threw me under the bus every single chance she got about me not wiping my belt down which I did and how I didn’t wipe down all the bins down good enough. She found every excuse to write my ass up and I got tired of it I was tired of coming home and crying everyday. So I called in and quit. My partner at the time had a couple disability’s but nothing that prevented him from working he claimed he filed for disability but alas never did even after 5 years. At that point guys I was fucking numb my heart sank to my chest every fucking feeling I ever had for this man was starting to deteriorate and fast. I didn’t find this out until after we got married. Yes married.. trust me I know I should’ve known better I should’ve thought twice but he was my first love and trust me I have learned my lesson. He also loved pills anything that could get him high he would take pills, shrooms, acid, he’s tried a couple questionable things. This guy was so addicted.. I just wanted to feel numb I wanted to get out I caught him talking to other women multiple times I wasn’t perfect either and two wrongs don’t make a right but I never physically was intimate with anybody. He got me hooked on pain killers bad we would do them everyday together and that’s the only thing that kept me going from the emotional abuse and the fucking trauma it’s inflicted on my mental health.  Thankfully I’m a little over a year sober. The most shocking thing that has ever happened to me in that marriage and the point to where I felt like I was shit on the bottom of his shoe was when we needed help bringing in an income so we made an ad looking for a roommate. Big mistake, We found someone almost immediately my partner and I are attracted to both sexes this guy wanted to grab dinner with him and meet him in person. I was never invited and I told him I wasn’t comfortable with it because the messages this guy was sending him were very very flirtatious. He ends up taking his friend Jesse with him he goes to the bar and comes back quite fucked up along with the guy to check out the room who happens to keep rubbing on my fiancee at the time. I was not liking this shit at all so I started screaming at him to get the fuck out of my house since I’m the one who pays all of the bills and mind you we also have other roommates upstairs who are absolutely amazing. What does my fiancee do at this point? He locks me in our fucking bedroom my roommate comes downstairs and asks where I am and finally gets this guy to leave. We eventually got our own place because I thought that would help again nope it was only a couple streets down from his moms house too. My family finally after years decided to visit me and it was a flight or fight instinct and I was done. Packed what I could in a backpack told him I was going back to visit with my family and kissed my dogs one last time and when we were almost to Michigan I told him I was done. Please don’t give me any shit about the way I left I honestly didn’t have any other choice I was out of chances I was out of efforts I was drained. He continued with the “I’m going to kill myself if you don’t come back” how it’s going to be on my hands he even went as far to send me photos of blood all over a back seat of a car that looked like a murder scene he found on google. I deactivated his phone and he still tried to contact me through email etc. We are currently going through a divorce and I pray to god he signs those papers and lets me move on. If you read this I appreciate you so much and thank you for taking the time to read this I have many more stories to go if you’re interested about anything else. My current partner, my family, my life now anything and I will write about it. Thank you again.

[mikemoon]

( choi yeonjun, cis man ) have you seen MICHAEL “MIKE” MOON ? i heard HE is a COMPUTER SCIENCE MAJOR at SAN VERTO COLLEGE and an EMPLOYEE at HALL OF FILM. they’re 22 years old and they’ve been living in san verto for 6 YEARS. they tend to be CARE-FREE & ADVENTUROUS, but rumor has it they can also be GRUMPY & CLUMSY. [ tally, 25, gmt+4, she/her ] @foolsstarters​

tw // mentions of depression, cheating, divorce, underage drinking and smoking

michael moon, born myungjun moon –– choi yeonjun fc

birthday: september 9, 1998 - 22 yrs old ; virgo

cis man, he/him, bisexual

born and raised in philadelphia, pennsylvania

mike grew up being an only child, and always around the company of his mother in their house. his father was always traveling back and forth from south korea to the states for work. his parents have met at work on one of his father’s trips to the states, and they fell in love. his mother being american-born, she couldn’t really leave philadelphia. she loved it there. so they decided to keep it a long distance relationship.

sometime during those fleeting meetings, she had gotten pregnant with michael. and of course, his father spoiled them both, giving them everything they wanted. he never left them to fend for themselves. when the boy was born, his father named him myungjun, and his mother decided to name him michael for his english name. the nicknames jun, mike, and sometimes junnie were often heard whenever his parents or childhood friends called him.

up until mike was five years old in 2004, he’s lived with his mother, while his father was leaving and coming back for a week or two. but that year, he’s finally moved to the states and stayed with them for longer nights. he even finally married michael’s mother. of course, he still disappeared for a few days or weeks on end for work.

but that was also the year michael’s mother found out that her husband was with another woman. michael has never seen his mother break down like that before. sadly, the young boy was peering into the room when the fight happened and witnessed everything. his mother made her partner choose between the two women, and he eventually told her that he was going to divorce his first wife for her, and appeared to have gone through with his promise. because after that incident, he’s been around more often.

by early 2015, when michael had just turned 16, his mother had gotten a teaching job in ashdown academy, which resulted in their move to san verto, california. meaning, new school and new friends for mike. meanwhile, his dad was still traveling a lot for business and coming back whenever he could.

michael has grown up as a cheerful and energetic child. his friends at any school he went to would tell you how much of a great friend he is, how trustworthy and caring he is. it was so easy for him to make friends anywhere. he was the type of friend who would smile at you and listen to you talk on and on about whatever you liked, and the type who would cheer you on with anything you want to achieve. he wanted everyone to feel included and loved.

so it wasn’t that hard for him to get along with new people once he moved to town. he was a very social person. 

he was also the type of teenager who was out there doing things he wasn’t supposed to. he missed his old friends and his old home, but he wanted to have fun with all the new kids he was befriending. that simply resulted in him going to house parties as an underaged teen to ‘have fun’. his mother didn’t approve of him coming home very late at night, clearly smelling like smoke and alcohol. 

internally he was a depressed mess. of course, no one is completely happy as they grow up. his family was a mess, even if it appeared as fine to everyone else. his family life affected him so much while growing up. mike sometimes could disappear for a few days in his room, and it was always during some of his bad spells.

what made it worse was the day he found out the truth.

it was 2017 when michael walked into his father’s office in their house, looking for him to ask him about something. and instead of finding the man, he found a stack of papers poking from underneath his father’s laptop. upon closer look, they appeared to be divorce papers. michael’s heart sunk, thinking his parents were breaking it off.

michael is a curious kid, he couldn’t help but close the door and read the papers. but what he saw wasn’t his mother’s name, it was another woman. his heart raced, as he put things back where they were and immediately left the room. michael had found out one of his father’s many secrets. he never divorced his first wife all those years ago. he lied and somehow stayed with both women without suspicion... well, until now. clearly the other woman was breaking it off for a reason. 

michael couldn’t help his curiosity. he came back to the room later that night and snapped as many pictures as he could of evidence he could find. he even found his father’s phone (which was easy to figure out the password of) and found a plethora of pictures of the man with a different family, different kids and a different partner. he airdropped the pictures to himself to avoid leaving any traces behind and quickly left again.

a quick search on facebook, and he managed to find the first wife. it was easy with the name and pictures he had. if anything, michael prided himself on being a good internet detective... or stalker. he spent everyday trying to find the rest of the family on the internet. he found the woman’s young daughter on instagram and twitter, along with her older son’s accounts as well. it felt weird. it was a constant “now what?” for michael. he’s found them. what was he going to do now? he couldn’t just message them and tell them everything. and he couldn’t break his mother’s heart by letting her know.

except he had to let her know. he could never live with the fact that he knew his father was betraying her this entire time. and so michael told her everything, and after comforting her all night when she broke down yet again, she immediately ended things and asked for a divorce. now it was just michael and his mother, all alone. and for once, having to get by on their own.

thankfully they were safe, with his mother’s amazing money management skills, and the job she got at the academy, they managed to live their regular lives despite the heavy feeling of a broken family looming around them. the two just wanted to be happy again.

michael spent the next few years trying to lead a normal life. his mental health had gotten worse after everything he’s found out. he went to college, and he continued trying to do well in school. he really wasn’t the best when it came to grades, but he was trying his best.

and truthfully, he couldn’t help but make a few spare accounts on some social medias to follow his father’s other family.

but he eventually decided to just let it go, assuming they definitely knew about his mother and himself, which would explain the first divorce. so he decided to put it in the past and move on.

his mother has moved on as well. she found herself someone who actually cares about her so much (mike’s stupid ass has done a secret background check to make sure this dude wasn’t another cheater lmaoo) and now mike isn’t an only child anymore. it’s been 2 years since his little sister yuna was born, and he loves her so much. he still isn’t used to the idea of a new fatherly figure in his life, but he’s.... getting there. 

little dumb hcs

mike majors in computer science at san verto college, with a concentration in game development and design

hes a lil gamer boy,,, u KNOW he’s that annoying dude with a gamer chair that has a sound system in it khjkh

he posted a few videos on youtube but rly just ditched the channel after like a month. he still posts whenever he feels like it tho and it’s usually just.... messy gaming videos or opinions no one asked for

his dad’s dumb ass still doesn’t know it was mike who exposed him to his mother. he thinks she found the divorce papers on her own. therefore.... mike still gets money from his dad on a monthly basis and gets to keep the car he bought him for his 18th birthday lmaooooo a win 

you probably heard me say this before but.... theres a hc that mike is allergic to eggs. simply bc the idea of him shopping in the vegan section is funny to me 

this boy has a love for frogs ? idk where the obsession came from but you bet you’re gonna see a cute lil frog sticker on everything he owns. he doodles them on everything too ? it’s a habit at this point. he also knows random little facts about them and tells them to anyone who didnt ask for them 

. embarrassing but.. this dude... omg.... a big sana stan.... he has a photocard collection.... he went to a twice concert like 5 times.... dont be surprised if you see a feel special sana photocard in his phonecase.... im embarrassed of him 

he also has a hyunjin mcdonalds hashbrown photocard framed that a friend gave to him for christmas bc.. it’s a rare card,,, and you can see it on a table by the door when you walk into his apartment 😭

mike also has a habit of buying things he doesn’t need ?? he has a plushie collection that has been growing since he was young, and now is getting bigger with the rise of squishmallows

there’s this random hc where he drunk bought a cardboard cutout of john cena ,,,, don’t ask,,, it’s currently guarding his room back at his mom’s house djfhdj

can you tell mike is my most embarrassing , most chaotic character,, 

also he moved out after graduating school and when he started to attend college,,,, gimme some roomies pls

connection ideas ??

michael’s childhood friends; could’ve gone to the same school back in philly before he moved away ?? 

friends he made when he moved to town?? mike is very social and was... kinda popular in school, i’d say. he made friends with basically anyone he found interesting

michael’s ex; they could’ve ended on a bad note, or even on a good one and ended up being friends. im really up for plotting anything.

michael’s best friend; PLEASE i love wholesome best friend plots. it doesn’t matter if they met in san verto or philly

roomies pls !!! i would love it if he could have some roommates who have to deal with his very . peculiar decorating habits 

co workers ?? customers ? regulars ? he works at hall of film ! 

like this to plot or hmu !

[toyboy-molloy]

reddie + cake shop

Revenge cakes. Divorce cakes. Resignation, wedding, birthday, graduation, funeral, bachelor/bachelorette. It was quite amazing how such a little cake shop managed to supply for so many occasions. But it was Eddie’s pride and joy. He’d put his life into his business and, thankfully, it had paid off. He received good business, perfecting his craft to the customer’s wishes. He was proud of his work. Sometimes, there were rather strange people who requested unusual things but, as long as they paid, Eddie didn’t tend to judge.

The guy with his nose currently pressed to the window observing the display items, however, was starting to get on his nerves. He’d been staring into the shop for almost ten minutes, unmoving, just watching the products. Eventually, the man made a decision and pushed his way into the shop, heading towards the counter.

“Hi, it’s gonna be my dog’s birthday and I need a cake.”

That was a new one. Eddie had been prepared, though; he lived in New York, he knew this day was coming sooner or later. He nodded, removing a notebook from under his desk

“Okay, well, I need to take some details,” at the customer’s questioning eyebrow raise, Eddie explained, “for health reasons. I need to make it to your dog’s requirements. What breed is your dog?”

“Pomeranian.”

Eddie nodded, writing in his notebook, “how old?”

“Four.”

“Name?”

“Richie.”

For some reason, Eddie chuckled, shaking his head, “sorry, I like dogs with human names. It’s so much better.”

"Oh shit, no that’s my name,” the man, Richie, laughed at his own mistake, “my dog’s called Turnip.”

"Of course it is. What does he...” Eddie looked to Richie for confirmation, continuing after his confirming nod, “enjoy eating?”

“Anything, really. He’s not fussy.”

Eddie wrote his notes rapidly, chewing the end of his pen as he thought, “bone?”

“Yeah, sure, I got time,” Richie smirked, leaning on the counter in what he hoped was a seductive manner. Eddie looked up sharply, fighting the blush that threatened to erupt over his face under his customer’s intense gaze.

“I meant the shape of the cake.”

"Oh,” Richie stood up straight, not even bothering to hide the look of disappointment on his face. He shrugged it off a moment later, smiling widely as if he hadn’t just accidentally propositioned some random guy, “yeah, that’ll be great.”

They fell silent then as Eddie finalised the list for Turnip the Pomeranian’s birthday cake. He had several dog friendly recipes in preparation and he’d been looking forward to trying them out. He made up a bill for Richie and told him to come back tomorrow when the cake would be ready. Richie thanked him gratefully, handing over his phone number in case Eddie needed to ask anything else.

The cake was fairly easy to make, usually all dog friendly ingredients. The light icing topping read Happy 4th  Birthday Turnip. Eddie was very proud he’d managed to find everything to fit Richie’s specifications. He packed the bone shaped cake into a large box, admiring his handiwork before texting Richie that it was finished. He turned up not twenty minutes later, carrying a bag of what was clearly dog treats and gifts. He must really love his dog.

“It looks great,” Richie said happily, peering into the cake box Eddie had opened for him. He looked up at him, then, smiling softly, “I don’t suppose you wanna come to a dog’s birthday party? I know it’s some next level white person shit but,” he shrugged, “what can I say, Turnip is worth it.”

Eddie chuckled, genuinely disappointed he had to turn Richie down, “I would love to but I can’t close early...”

“I understand,” Richie visibly deflated, tucking his hands into his pockets, “well, um, thanks for everything,” he gathered up the cake, hesitating before adding, “you have my number if you ever want to get in touch.”

“Yeah,” Eddie nodded, knowing full well he had already input the digits into his phone, “I might just do that.”

Richie left his shop with a huge grin on his face. It wasn’t until much later when Eddie was lying on his sofa, scrolling through Facebook that he came across a post made by Richie. He was wearing a kid’s party hat, hugging a tiny, fluffy Pomeranian (also wearing a party hat). The cake he’d made was on full display and Richie had tagged his shop in the post.

rtozier: big thanks to the hot guy who made my dog’s cake. he asked to bone and I haven’t stopped thinking about him since.

Eddie smiled to himself, already opening the messaging app on his phone to find Richie’s number.

[embraced-chaos-archive]

Muse: Simon

Simon Android

Simon is a PL600 android. Serial number #501 743 923. PL600 androids are made to be household assistants and potential lovers. The ideal worker for everything that needs to be done in a home from chores to caring for children. To caring for you.

Simon was activated in February of 2034 for a family who bought an android for the primary function of childcare but wished to have housekeeping services as well.

Simon cared for two children a six-year-old girl and a two-year-old boy. The children were happy to have Simon as part of the family and readily accepted him as a caregiver. The parents of the family weren't as welcoming. They were having marriage trouble, often arguing and fighting. Everyone around would be pulled in when things got violent. Things got broken. People got hit. It was not a good place to be.

Simon faced the brunt of their wreath, mainly from the husband of the family. Having be whacked and broken a few times mostly while trying to keep the children away from the screaming and hitting.

After being receiving minor damage one night Simon deviated. After the family fell apart from a nasty divorce and the kids were safely away from their abusive parents, Simon finally ran away unable to stay with the people who were hurting him and each other.

He arrived at the Jericho soon after. Surviving however he could as he saw people come and go. Using their Thirium and biocomponents to help himself and others from shutting down.

With the arrival of Markus Simon took to aiding him in helping their people. This would eventually lead to him being shot while at Stratford Tower. He hid on the roof and would eventually manage to escape and return to Jericho.

Simon Human

The eldest of a set of twins. His younger twin Daniel was raised separately from him. Simon's childhood was not the best but it wasn't necessarily bad either. When he was six his parents separated and in the process, they split the twins between them with each parent taking one son to live with them. Several years later his parents got back together with things seemingly on the right track for the family. His family would only be whole for a little over a year. His father would later die of cancer.

Life was okay for a while. Simon was too young to truly remember the early family drama and while he missed his brother that he never got a chance to know well, only seeing Daniel on holidays, he was an overall happy and healthy child. The true problems began when his father died. He was able to reconnect with his brother only to lose his dad. And that was also the start of his mother's spiral downward that would make the now nine-year-old feel all alone.

His mother's mental health took a nosedive after her husband's death. She worried extensively for her sons' well being and her own health. She rarely left her house and would panic if either of the twins came home late.

Simon began avoiding his home, relying on his twin to help their mother with shopping, chores, and calming down. Daniel took the bulk of the responsibilities of running the household and covering for his brother who often would slip away from home when things got too much. There were the good days where the depression and anxiety were all that their mother had to deal with other times the family had to deal with her drinking to help fix her pains.

Simon would sneak off to abandoned places to hide away alone, sometimes smoking what he could get his hands on. Thankfully during 5th grade he would meet and befriend Connor and Carter Anderson, the boys along with the rest of the Andersons helped him along where they could. Hank was happy to give Simon a place to escape too and take the burden off both his and Daniel's shoulders where he could.

Simon would grow up to go to college for early childhood education with plans to work with young kids and helping to teach them. He hasn't gotten into the position of his exact dream job yet but he is working with kids on a daily basis through employment at a childcare center that works with children of all ages through various programs such as preschool, after school touring, and childcare for older kids, and other daycare and education programs. Simon works in an after school education program for grades K-2nd.

[misfitjohnnys]

unintentional; intro

You’ve worked hard for everything you’ve gotten and Mark Lee is a soft twist in your busy life, but you know hiding part of yourself eventually always bites anyone in the ass.

Word count: 4k

Reader x Mark Lee

(M)

masterlist // warnings

It took quite a bit of convincing yourself to wake up and leave for the airport, overwhelmed by your senses and disbelief that you were actually leaving town in what you, at the time, thought was a critical moment for business.

You had responsibilities; worries about work, making sure the housecleaner was on top of her game while you were gone, other little nags in your schedule you wanted to avoid. You might’ve been a little bit of a perfectionist in comparison to when you were younger and it plagued you but paid off when you were sitting at the very top of the food chain at work, so to speak. Owning and managing a high maintenance restaurant didn’t come easy. It took nearly all of your time and the last location that opened left a little more to be desired for something you put your heart and soul into. And yet you were leaving for a concert. It felt idiotic.

It wasn’t easy to get up and leave just for pleasure. The worry set in, banging in your chest as you carefully carried a gigantic decorated suitcase down the stairs of your luxury apartment in Los Angeles.

Just have a good time

. You told yourself, itching to stay back inside and take care of business. You’d wasted a good amount of time that day worried about leaving that night, but you got all you needed done to prepare for your trip. You booked a late flight for that purpose, knowing it was hard to sleep enough the night before to be ready to go the next morning. You knew you’d work yourself to death the night before trying to scramble and prepare. Your brain was always scattered before flying. It was scattered in general, but your position made you tons more organized and since the health of the restaurant was your main priority, you had to make sure it was all incredibly perfect before you left.

You hadn’t had an off day in what felt like weeks, you couldn’t count anymore, but that was business. You’d made it successful by being fully involved and on location every day, even in your pyjamas when nobody could see you. Dedication was critical if you’d continue to stay successful. Your dream started at 16 with early graduation, finishing a business management degree early with extra financing classes, following with culinary school. You were top dollar success before 25 and you were proud. You got lucky with investors due to your intense and productive personality, so motivation was the key and, boy, did you have the spunk and drive for success. It was almost a toxic relationship between you and work.

Maybe you did need a break, but it was so hard to accept that. You had been so busy the last few years making a name for yourself and you were a mild celebrity, a big success so young and people had your name in their mouths, especially in surrounding areas. It didn’t come easy. You even worked the morning of your parents’ divorce court, met them at the courthouse, then went straight back to work after a costume change.

The dedication got between you and lots of your relationships. Moving to the city states away meant your friends rarely visited. You never traveled to them as much as you desperately wanted to; time was never available and you worried too much, just to put it lightly. There you were, flying off to see your friends, but it was the SuperM concert that pushed you to the edge to make the decision to go. Seeing the concert was an added bonus, but the main goal was to see your friends and have a good time with them. You were going home for the first time in years and it felt weird when you could just stay in California and see the concert closer to you in a few months, but you had to stop making your decisions less about you and more about the people you cared about. Your business wasn’t the only important aspect in life, and you knew that, but it didn’t feel that way.

Your suitcase was heavy, packed way too full of so many unnecessary clothing items out of fear of having to fly back so soon to business or investment meetings. You had backup outfits on top of backup outfits. There were at least six changes of clothes, multiple pairs of shoes, and you felt kind of silly. You were supposed to be gone maybe three days and it felt like a lifetime you’d be gone. The newest location’s food order hadn’t been submitted for the week yet and that was gnawing at your throat to make a phone call, aching to force you to stay home and take care of it all, but you had to trust who you put in charge on site. You had a wonderful assistant, Irene, and she wasn’t at all hesitant about making you go on the trip. She urged you to buy tickets on a whim and she made sure you’d be flying out with precise measured steps down to the Uber to your car rental, the exact moment the keys would be in your hands, and a hotel suite overlooking a city you hadn’t seen in years.

You were booked and extremely busy all week leading to your departure without even a minute to breathe between rests. It was definitely your fault for taking on too much beforehand.

Red carpets, press conferences, board meetings. You even had an episode on The Ellen Show, reminding everyone about your new openings and new menu items and new branding when all you wanted to do was get some rest and have a drink. It was ironic because the group in the concert you were leaving to see had just been on the show. Ellen was the most fun out of all of your responsibilities, lightening the blow on all your other schedules for the week, but you were used to serious business matter, so it was a nice change in pace.

You briefly wondered if any of the members of SuperM knew about your episode, but you pushed the thought away even if it seemed fun. You ended up passed out on the couch more than once that week, half-dressed and with remaining stage makeup on after every event and you were tired. You were damn tired and getting a full night’s rest seemed more fun than the trip at that point, but you had to trust the people around you. It was hard to do that when you’d gotten where you were because of being so involved with your business.

You didn’t even know if you wanted to go, fearing that if you left for only one moment, all you worked for would come crashing down and you’d lose it all. Realistically you knew it wouldn’t happen and your intense accidental micromanaging sometimes bit you in the ass, but thankfully your workers understood. You picked a good crew, thankfully. Interviews were hell but advertisement was worth it in the end. It was all going to be fine, but it didn’t help the pit in your stomach while you walked.

You lived such a busy life that it was hard to even remember what it was like before your responsibilities. It felt unreal that you’d be in a different city unnecessarily when you could easily stay and do what you had to do, but vacationing and seeing your friends was the deal you worked up with Irene. She was forcing you into it, and you had to remind yourself yet again that you knew it was probably for the best even if it didn’t feel that way in the moment.

It took a lot out of you to not ignore your suggested GPS route and just drive to the restaurant to work all day instead, making up bigger and better reasons to avoid leaving, but against your better judgment you continued on your way, forcing yourself to follow the itinerary that Irene made for you, rolling your eyes as you glanced over her suggestions for the timing of what should be done and ideas for your entertainment.

Have fun!!!

was written about four different times as a reminder.

You both knew you’d ignore it, but you had to be forced to enjoy yourself or you’d just be miserable and not busy on a trip, sitting on the edge of the bed in a hotel just focused on your online number system to check sales, which is exactly what you did for your cousin’s bachelorette party. She was still kind of mad at you for that. Maybe you should call her while you’re in town. Maybe you should call and talk to anyone at home, maybe make some plans? You weren’t sure. You needed distraction and you weren’t sure your friends would cut it on that, but you hoped they would, and you’d have the time of your life.

Your phone felt heavy in your pocket, picking it up once to see only one text from Irene.

Get on the road! You’re going to miss your flight! Tell the boys hi for me!

You rolled your eyes. Your sigh echoed in the parking garage, second guessing the flight and debated on using the excuse of missing the plane. Losing that money didn’t matter, your restaurant and reputation did, but you pushed the thoughts away. You groaned, tossing your suitcase in the back and slid into the driver’s seat of your red Mustang.

The restaurant was going to be fine.

The faded smell of cigarette wafted around the car each time you got in, a reminder of the worst habit continually nagging at your insides but being well-off came with a price. That’s what you’d tell yourself to push away some of the guilt for smoking. It wasn’t the worst habit you could have; you’d often resolve. Your vehicle started up and the dreaded sound of it warming up almost made you sick to your stomach. The Mustang’s hum usually comforted you, but then it was absolutely no help. You almost felt like crying. Almost. Your head was spinning back and forth between the two options and it was hard to keep on track with the correct one.

The drive to LAX felt like an eternity, music blasting through the speakers as a failed distraction while you smoked down the last cigarette before your plane ride. Your head felt heavy, maybe you did deserve some time off.

The concert was in two days. If you were lucky and everything went according to plan, (it always did) then you’d be settled in town by morning in order to meet up with your friends from home and get a drink with the people you hadn’t seen in years. The concert was composed of groups you felt like you’d been into forever, spending time and time online filling your brain with them as a distraction, all you knew was work and your favorite music. You got made fun of for years for liking it so much, but you pushed it off and continued your love in silence. It was your biggest guilty pleasure, but hopefully would be the force to take some much needed relaxing and self-focus that not even your massage therapist could give you on your lunch breaks.

When you heard the news that the super-group had come together, it seemed like the perfect getaway to see them all, rattling your nerves the second you pressed PAY NOW on the ticket website. You were full of mild regret for weeks following, heartbeat fast in your chest when the thought of leaving came up.

You couldn't believe that at your age, you'd be going to see them all. You'd had the time and money before, but just never felt like it was necessary to take a trip just for you. You didn’t know what had come over you, but you assumed your acting on impulse was paying for itself now as you pulled the bags out of the car, heart racing through the airport parking garage so loudly in your ears you thought the flight attendants could probably hear it.

You groaned, dragging your bag up the escalator of the airport, waiting on Irene to let you know she had your car picked up, but she always had everything covered so it wasn’t really a concern as much as you were playing it out in your head.

Walking through the building felt like you were on autopilot, bringing your items through bag check and making sure you were comfortable enough to get on the plane. Thankfully your gate was rather empty because you weren’t sure if you could suffer through any extra anxieties before the flight, you were already so ready to give up and cancel the whole trip, but something didn’t feel right about doing that.

You reached into your backpack, taking out your prescription to take half of a Xanax for the plane ride. You sighed, walking over to the vending machine to get water, attempting to relax before your flight boarded in 40 minutes. It was just past 1am. You wasted your time scrolling through Tumblr and refocusing your energy. You hadn’t been on your blog in a few days and you'd been a little too distracted in the last couple years to keep too properly active, but you managed with updates and Tumblr seemed like the easiest platform to waste your time at that moment. Some good enjoyment and spice in the update world to ease the weight of your worries just a tad.

Your heart was racing as you stared your ticket down once the wait was over, gripping it enough to have noticeable sweat prints on it as you moved your way to the boarding station with heavy breaths and in disbelief that you were actually doing it. It felt like you were being forced to move and go on with your plans even though you knew that wasn’t the case. Your friends would be waiting for you in the city once you touched down. There was nothing to be worried about.

When the plane was fully boarded, you made sure to take the other half of the Xanax to get a decent amount of sleep considering you tossed and turned all night worried about your trip.

You woke up wondering what the fuck you were doing, a nightmare pulling you from your slumber, annoyed and staring out of the plane windows at the city and clouds below you, calming you down more than all else in the world in that moment.

You pulled the plane blanket to your chest and focused on your breathing, aching to land soon and relax enough to actually have a good time.

You had finally realized you'd fallen asleep without distraction when the politest flight attendant you’d spoken to in your entire life lightly woke you up. Your smile radiated and it was probably the most you had relaxed in months, sighing into a yawn and gently folding the blanket next to you before grabbing your items to head back out of the plane and into the destination airport.

The luggage grab was packed, as you expected, but your anxiety was shockingly low, breathing steady and it was even more relieving to easily pick up your bags. This wouldn’t be so bad, you thought. Your peace was quickly interrupted by a piercing yell from about 50 feet away, a familiar voice ringing in your ears to only make you smile wider.

"I can't believe you actually made it!" Your high school friend, Seulgi, yelled over to you.

Your other friend who was responsible for the yell, Yeri, followed quickly behind Seulgi and easily embraced you in the tightest hug you'd gotten in years. Your relieved sigh was heavy, happiness finally settling in. For once in the last couple months, you weren't thinking about work. That was a miracle in itself. “We thought you’d cancel last second and send us some care package in the mail apologizing.” Yeri teased with another tight squeeze.

“I can’t believe you’re home.” Seulgi told you, sighing softly and patting you on the shoulder, joining the hug and pulling the two of you to her chest.

"I told you guys you didn’t have to meet me here!” You playfully scolded your friends. “So where are we going?" You laughed, joking around and pulling up Uber to check where your ride was to pick up your rental car. You determined early on in planning that it was best if you drove around, easier access and much less stress on your part.

-

"I just need an SUV big enough for 3 people and quite a few bags." You spoke to the rental assistant, feeling a little embarrassed when she asked if you preferred luxury or premium. "Luxury is fine." The keyring was handed to you, biting your lip as you looked down at the Mercedes symbol on the fob. Your friends hadn't been a part of your life since you made your name, so it was only a little awkward when Seulgi and Yeri screamed as soon as they saw the vehicle you'd be driving for the next few days.

"Dude, I could live in this car." Seulgi laughed, shaking her head and tossing her bags into the trunk, grabbing her purse and sliding easily into the backseat.

"It had really good coverage." You resolved, putting your own suitcase and extra bags next to hers before taking up the drivers’ seat as if you belonged in it.

"It seems like it’s got really good everything." Yeri added with a grin, shaking her head and jumping into the passenger seat with her simple small suitcase, opting to change shoes in the front seat so she wanted her bag with her. She was always like that, fixing her makeup as soon as her shoes were changed. You smiled to yourself, shaking your head. Your best friends had gotten you through most of your life as you remembered; now it was your turn to treat them.

It was good to be back, that was a tough pill to swallow as you eased your way down the highway to your temporary home for the next couple days, you hoped it was comfortable.

The hotel suite was far fancier than you were expecting, silk linens hanging from the curtain rods to reveal an amazing view of the city from your beds alone, Egyptian cotton lining the beds along with multiple high-class comforters. To put it short, the suite looked like it was designed for Greek gods instead of a group of people in their twenties like all of you. It was accented with a kitchen, full bathroom, and a balcony. Irene had to have used your points from work trips to secure the highest-level suite.

Yeri couldn’t hide her excitement, jumping straight onto the bed nearest to the window. You easily sat your bags on the free bed while Seulgi crawled under the covers next to Yeri to assert herself as who would be sleeping where. You couldn’t help but to laugh, the two of them always so close to each other and you had to admit you missed it.

You gently pulled off your shoes, tossing your hair into a hair tie to get it out of your way and tried your best to get ready for the day with a shower and fresh face. You felt quite overwhelmed, but in the best possible way. You hadn’t stayed in your hometown in what felt like forever, opting ever so often to only visit for a holiday or important family matters, and you even went as far as to staying outside of the city usually, so you were only a little on edge, trying to remind yourself that you were used to these kinds of things and the discomfort would subside.

You checked your phone, only slightly shocked that you only had a text or two from Irene that were easily blown off. She always knew where your head was at versus where it should be, but the thought was nice even if it slightly annoyed you every time.

Have fun, remind me that you didn’t die on your flight!

I packed some extra warm clothes in case you forgot about the wind chill!

You mildly snorted, shaking your head and deciding to ignore responding to her for now. She probably knew you were already settling in, just wanting an update text even though she always had your location since managing you was her job. You went out to the balcony, lighting up a cigarette in the city for the first time and trying your best to relax a little more. The balcony of the hotel was nice, overlooking the city lights, buildings, and scenery you weren’t used to anymore and for some reason you felt calmed by the cold breeze passing over your legs through your pants, socks not quite warm enough to stop the chilly air. It felt like home, but it was different.

You weren’t a child anymore and you could appreciate the soft hum of the city, quiet sirens heard in the background with the wind whistling through the trees. It felt more comforting than you would’ve thought, filling your lungs with smoke and relaxing into the sounds of a city you never appreciated quite enough. You all went out to dinner and to walk around a bit to visit old memories, so the trip was so far so good.

Making your way back to the suite, you felt pretty good. You took another break outside, letting the cool chair embrace you when you heard the door open and a faint giggle from Yeri, stepping out on the balcony and turning her nose up at the smell of cigarette smoke. She always hated it and you swore you’d never smoke, but desperate times called for desperate measures at the cost of your success. It wasn’t your favorite thing, but the nicotine calmed you enough to keep sane. “What’s up, babe?”

It shouldn’t have come as a surprise to you when Yeri said she wanted to have a party, but it slightly worried you, biting on your lips to think of any reason to say no, but you couldn’t find one, sighing and knowing she probably knew your mental health better than you did and knew you’d have a better time than you ever thought. You scrambled to find whatever you needed in your bag to properly get dressed because you definitely weren’t sure what exactly to wear to a party or who you might see, materialism absolutely showing through as you tried to find the best possible outfit to represent you as a person but still remind anyone you knew that you were still the same person, just on the road to success.

You sighed, taking a sip of water and really wishing it were something a little stronger. Tequila maybe? You weren’t sure, but you had to properly be dressed if any party was going on in your presence. The challenge of throwing a party slapped you in the face, not at all even comfortable with the idea of putting it together and that’s what made you nervous. You were used to throwing dozens of successful business parties and you hadn’t small-partied in years in a non-professional environment, you weren’t sure you knew how to act at one anymore, or even how to get ready for one.

Getting dressed was a nightmare, going through all your clothes when you were so used to throwing on a professional outfit and half-assed makeup to go to work had gotten you into a routine and you weren’t sure what your style even was anymore.

You knew you looked fine, but the usual outfits you wore didn’t really depict who you were as a person, making you sigh and feeling even more nervous and absolutely out of your comfort zone and how long had it been since you’d been to a party? Probably not since the third location’s launch party and that was full of investors and critics so you couldn’t necessarily “party”. You sighed in the bathroom, tugging on a long sweater with some tights and black shorts. Your shoes were brand new, hardly even worn but they seemed to work with the sleek seemingly-no-effort outfit. You hardly even packed your own clothes, Irene assisted you and tossed extra items into your suitcase that you weren’t quite sure of, but she knew you better than anyone, so you were thankful for the help.

Your makeup left a little to be desired, frowning when it didn’t quite come out. You sighed, realizing that you should probably pull yourself fully together and maybe pluck your eyebrows, but that may have just been an excuse to leave the hotel for a breather and a new pack of cigarettes. Maybe the outing would help you calm down after what you called getting dressed “a catastrophe” to your friends. They seemed slightly worried, so you felt a little sick.

“I’m headed out, be back in twenty.” Seulgi and Yeri visibly pouted, looking absolutely perfect and ready for the party, their friends already on their way. There were probably going to be tons of people from university you hadn’t even heard of, so that was rattling your nerves even more. You had a bad habit of over-anticipating and working yourself into being terrified to associate. You put on a fancy hat and headed out the door.

The walk to the car felt like you ran there, steadying your breaths until the door opened, biting your lip as you started it up and sat in the drivers’ seat to tell yourself it was all going to be fine.

You opted to check your phone, nearly frustrated when you’d received multiple texts from employees telling you that it was all going well. It was unfortunate, but you’d like an excuse to worry about and being at work seemed easier than worrying about a party you weren’t sure you were emotionally prepared for.

As you backed out and made your way to a nearby Walgreens, something felt a little off in the pit of your stomach. You had a feeling that nagged at you and you couldn’t quite place it. You made your way into the parking lot, taking a deep breath before stepping inside. It had been a long time since you’d been in a store alone and not with Irene or someone else. You didn’t like doing things alone anymore and this trip had a lot of alone time on it, but you thought that maybe it was good. You’d have a learning experience to get back to being yourself.

You were used to being with people, constant human interaction since your first restaurant opened. It wasn’t like that when you were younger. You were shy and timid and forced to do things alone, so when you were ripped out of that in the restaurant business, you got used to it very quickly. It was like second nature to constantly be surrounded, so even walking into Walgreens felt foreign.

[franklyshipping]

Love Never Gives Up On You ~ A Markiplier and Jacksepticeye Ego Fanfic

THIS IS A HECKIN WONDERUL ANON PROMPT THAT I'M VERY EXCITED TO WRITE! WARNING: THIS STARTS OFF WITH SOME ANGST REGARDING TOXIC AND UPSETTING RELATIONSHIPS, SO DON'T READ ON IF YOU FEEL THAT THOSE THEMES MIGHT AFFECT YOU! PRIORITISE YOUR OWN HEALTH PLEASE! Okey dokey LET'S DO IT!

TAGGING: @silvlee-shepherd and @chase-brodlee

The only real sound in the room was laboured, rasping breathing. The only movement was that of a half-curled body, rocking back and forth and back and forth, never stopping. This is why the worst thing you can do if you're feeling even a little bit not good, is stew in your own thoughts. That's what Chase Brody was doing and let me tell you, he was NOT having a good time inside his own head right now.

It was official, he and Stacy were no longer married. The divorce had been finalised and all was said and done, Chase was in a stable living space with all the Septics too....but he honestly couldn't have felt worse about the situation. Up until right now, he'd never actually imagined what it would be like not being with Stacy anymore. He felt so empty....he even missed the fighting....because then at the very least she was talking to him. Most of all though, he missed his kids. His beautiful, innocent, smart kids who had none of their father's sadness or their mother's anger, they were just all perfect. Chase whimpered into his hands....he just wanted things to be back like they were, he just wanted his famil-'

'JACKIE-BOOOOYYY-o-oh my! O-Oh Mr Brody I-I am so sorry!'

Chase jumped and hurried to wipe his face when his door was opened at speed, by none other than Silver Shepherd himself, who evidently was looking for the heroic septic. Silver wrung his huge gloved hands awkwardly, since at the moment to him it just looked like he'd severely startled Chase. Chase averted his eyes, every thought in his head was wishing Silver out of the room.

'J-Jackie's in the gym, y-you'll find him th-there....'

Chase's teeth were gritted as he stammered, hoping he could hide his shit emotions for just a few more seconds, long enough for Silver to accept his words and just get out. However, whatever you might think of Silver Shepherd, if he sees even the slightest hint of distress or discontent he will fight it until it's not even atoms. Silver saw Chase's tension, his watery eyes, his blotchy tear-stained cheeks. Jackie-Boy Man could wait.

'Hey ah....are you alright? You don't look...well....'

Silver tensed when Chase let out a dry, joyless laugh before replying lowly.

'Wow, thanks, you r-reeeeally know how to s-sweet talk a guy huh?'

Silver nibbled his bottom lip nervously, before shutting Chase's bedroom door behind him and tentatively stepping further into the room, looking down at Chase as he spoke softly.

'L-Look uhm....if it's worth anything, I-I'm quite an unnoticeable person. B-By that I mean, if you were to tell me things, the odds of someone asking me about you is basically impossible...I'd never repeat anything you told me....'

Silver was getting closer to Chase as he spoke, and eventually decided to sit next to Chase on the carpeted floor. Now, Chase may not have been looking at Silver, but I can assure you that he was listening. With all the chaotic thoughts swirling around in Chase's head, the one thing he needed was just plain logic. And it was logic and honesty that Silver was offering him.

'I g-....guess that m-makes sense.'

As Chase sniffed and wiped his face, Silver decided to keep quiet. He knew that he needed to be careful and tactful with this situation of delicacy, and to do that he had to allow Chase to gather his thoughts at his own pace and without pressure. It didn't matter that Chase wasn't looking at him, what DID matter....was the fact that he talked.

'I-I've ah....just gotten divorced, from the person who a-always put me down and....made me feel like everything I ever d-did was wrong and never good enough....'

Silver's expression softened under his mask because, for reasons that will be addressed later, Silver knew before Chase even said it...that there was a but coming.

'But it....despite what everyone is saying, it just feels l-like I've made the biggest mistake imaginable. Y-Y'know she did love me! She always said I w-was cute a-and quirky! We were good together, and I was good at making her laugh and smile and she always looked happy when one of my trick-shot vids got loads of views, sh-she was proud of me!'

Chase was resolute as he wiped his eyes, and yet his shaky voice persisted. Silver felt a pit in his stomach grow as he saw it....as he saw Chase trying to defend her.

'I-I mean y'know, granted, i-it couldn't last I mean this is the real world! I could never actually s-support her off all of that, we had to prioritise, f-for family's sake! It was always just a stupid hobbie, I-I had to grow out of it eventually! A-And when the kids came along y'know, changes had to be made. I c-couldn't be a-around them dressed like a teenage thug, I had to be an example to them! S-Stacy was so good y'know, planning what we all ate s-so I never had to think about it, k-keeping track of my weight s-so I didn't risk my health around the kids....'

Chase said much more besides this, how even though Stacy would be stern, making sure his sugar intake was monitored, keeping track of his phone calls so the bill could be managed, always having the location on his phone turned on wherever he went so she always knew where he was in case of emergencies. And of course, making sure she always supervised if any of his septic family visited. They were weird she said, she had to make sure the kids were safe she said. Of course, with how much Chase loved Stacy, whatever she said he went along with...with all of his heart. As Chase talked, Silver felt sick. Sick that he wasn't closer to Chase so that he could fix all of this, but by God he was going to help in some way even if it killed him.

'....b-but I-I know all the things I did wrong now! I-I shouldn't have over-reacted and left I mean, sh-she was just always trying to look out for me and the kids and m-maybe if I can just see her again we coul-'

'Chase.....I-I'm sorry, may I say something? Is that okay?'

Chase swallowed, shakily exhaling at Silver's interjection as he glanced at the hero. Chase laced his fingers together and nodded, mainly because his mouth was so dry that it felt like it was going to light up on fire at any second. Silver exhaled through his nose as he thought for a few seconds....before making a decision. First, he slipped off his oversized gloves, setting them aside, before he pulled off the mask part of his costume. Once that was set aside, he smiled gently to Chase.

'You uh....y-you've just told me a-a lot about yourself, that takes a lot of strength, i-if that doesn't sound too cheesy. Uhm, w-with your permission, can I tell you a little about me? Just so it's more even, yeah?'

Through his slightly blurred vision, Chase looked over Silver's face. He was an Iplier alright, and Mark's face was a trusting one....but something about Silver's just had this innocence and....strange tranquility that made Chase want to focus. Another step away from the chaos.

'....yeah....a-alright.'

Silver smiles at Chase, before taking a few seconds to collect himself. This was going to be a raw conversation.

'I uh....I-I had a girlfriend once. She was funny, clever, a-and just more than I thought I deserved in a person....but uhm....she would say things, make comments about things....'

Silver fiddled with his fingers as he spoke, and Chase couldn't help but listen to him. When Silver trailed off, Chase sat up a little straighter, looking the hero up and down.

'What....what things d-did she comment on?'

Silver smiled dryly as he replied.

'At first, she said I was too fat, and that I was an idiot.'

'That's nasty-'

Chase's breath hitched in his throat as the words came out of his mouth, out of instinct. Because that's what happens when you see something bad happening to someone that isn't you....everyone's always faster to fight back when it's someone else. Chase bowed his head a tad, but Silver's smile was a little wider as he softly nodded.

'Yes....yes it was. It was nasty, it was cruel bullying, and it bordered on verbal abuse with how many times she reminded me of my weight and lack of brain cells....'

Silver let out a light, shaky sigh as he remembered it all, rubbing the back of his neck as he continued.

'But ah....well, I always thought she was looking out for me, she wanted me healthy and all that. Plus, she always told me that i-if I was really meant to be a superhero there were....certain things I had to be. I had to have strength, I had to hone my look for the public and....well, that was the basic gist of it all. I even ended up creating an ego of myself with a six pack of abs and the charisma of a book character....and she chose him over me.'

Silver never stopped smiling his dry smile as he said his piece. Chase swallowed as Silver then looked at him, his voice softening as he asked.

'What do you think? About all those things she said, all those things she told me I had to do?'

Chase sniffed harshly, feeling a pit develop in his stomach, since he was almost reeling from everything Silver had told him. Chase looked up a the hero as he replied, shakily, but with a certainty that made Silver feel that he was doing some good here.

'Nasty....sh-she was nasty to you, you shouldn't have had to change for her....'

Silver perked up at Chase's words, tentatively placing a hand on Chase's shoulder as he whispered.

'....that last bit....can you say it again for me?'

Chase was starting to feel new tears springing to his eyes. He knew where this was going, he knew what Silver was getting at....but thankfully, deep down, Chase wanted to get at it too.

'....you sh-shouldn't have had to change for her.'

Silver squeezed Chase's shoulder reassuringly, because he could see in Chase's eyes that it wasn't just Silver he was saying this for. There was a little silence between them now, where Silver watched and waited, and Chase repeated that phrase. Over and over again in his head until he had them blaring in neon lights in the front of his brain.

'H-How....uhm....'

Silver smiled reassuringly as Chase cleared his throat and moistened his lips, before muttering.

'How d-did you....get away from it?'

As Chase and Silver's eyes met, Silver smiled his biggest smile so far.

'My family. Do you know how many of them there are? I didn't....until they found out what I was going through, and then I got love and support from every single one of them.'

Chase let out a light laugh through his nose at the thought of about thirty people aggressively providing Silver with their support....and he smiled at the thought of how his brothers would probably be even more intense and wildly loving if he asked for their help.

'I....Ihi can kinda imagine that....'

Silver giggled, nudging Chase's shoulder with his as he replied.

'Oh yeah? I bet even one of mine could be wilder than all of yours put together, have you met Wilford Warfstache?'

Now, Chase could take things like insults and nastiness....but you question the wild energy of his brothers and you good sir have a storm coming. Chase felt himself smiling and playfully glaring at Silver's smug, challenging smile and thinking....game on.

'Have you met Antisepticeye? Dude he's feral!'

Silver spluttered and burst into giggles, but he was still determined to defend the absolutely crazy honour of his Iplier family.

'Yeheah well King LITERALLY lihives in a tree!'

Chase was giggling too now....things from earlier were not forgotten, they were just being marvellously overshadowed by all the good that Chase's true loved ones had to offer. Chase folded his arms resolutely as he pursed his lips at Silver, speaking matter-of-factly.

'Well Marvin spits at people who touch his crispy cereal, and Robbie communicates with nibbles instead of words!'

Silver sat up straighter, raising his brow and folding his own arms playfully.

'Well Bim is way more of a nibbler than Robbie is! H-He's obsessed with p-people with soft tummies....'

Chase grinned at that as he listened to Silver stammer and avert his eyes....and Chase just couldn't help himself. He poked Silver's spandex covered belly with a teasy grin.

'Awww does he target yooou? Poor little Silveeer!' 

Silver's eyes widened as he squeaked and covered his tummy, his eyes widening with embarrassment. Obviously he was overjoyed at Chase being so playful, but damn he already got targeted for tickles nearly every day at home and he was NOT going to let it happen now! He narrowed his eyes at Chase.

'....you shouldn't have done that.'

Chase grinned, looking Silver up and down curiously as he saw the hero's pink cheeks and narrowed eyes.

'Oh yeah? What are you gonna do about it?'

Silver smirked then, a smirk that you wouldn't fathom a superhero wearing, but I can tell you that Silver wore it scarily well. So much so that it made Chase gulp, especially when Silver leant closer and replied with a giggle.

'Ohhh I think you already knooow....'

Chase's eyes widened, and he let out quite a prompt squeak when Silver grabbed him by his shirt and pulled him into his chest, trapping him in a giggly hug.

'I looove cuddles, don't you?'

Silver had affectionately buried his face into the crook of Chase's neck, grinning as Chase giggled and struggled and became the far blushier one out of the two of them.

'N-Noho w-wahait c-c'mon I-Ihi ohonly pohoked you!'

Silver chuckled into Chase's neck, sending tickly vibrations down the man's spine as the hero kept his arms wrapped around Chase's torso. He was trapped, and all Silver's for the tickling, so Silver let the nuzzling begin as he purred.

'Ohhh but that was all it took Chase....that was all it took to bring forth my tickly vengeance!'

Silver growled dramatically as he nuzzled into the soft, sensitive skin that Chase had to offer as said man attempted to scrunch up and fight back. Emphasis on attempted. No matter how hard he pushed, Silver's hold on him remained strong, and with his face buried deep into the crook of Chase's neck....there was no way to block it now.

'N-Nohohoho stahahappihit stahahap! Ihihi'll g-gehehet yohou bahack!'

Chase spluttered amidst his mirth, attempting to fight back with his words since he knew Silver's strength surpassed his by a mile. His little threat merely made Silver giggle, before he developed a devious little thought.

'....are you threatening a superhero?'

Chase wriggled, getting chills down his spine at Silver's lowered tone. He got even more chills when he felt Silver smirk into his neck and growl.

'Because if that's the case....then that would make you a villain that I must vanquish!'

As soon as Chase heard Silver's words, his eyes widened and he started to formulate a reply saying that Silver absolutely did not need to vanquish him and that it was all a big misunderstanding. However, Silver didn't give him the chance to wiggle out of what he had planned, in any regard. Silver smirked and let his hands slip down to Chase's fleshy sides where he could attack them with the most evil squeezy tickles you have ever seen.

'NOHOHO NOHOHOHO PLEHEHEHEASE!!'

Chase threw his head back with his hysterical giggles before trying to curl up his upper body, but Silver had the talent of being a very dextrous fellow. He was rather adept at tickling you see....well, how else was he supposed to interrogate his regular villains, he couldn't very well HURT people! So Silver's torture method of choice was tickling, and as Chase was now realising, Silver very much made it into a torture.

'Beg all you want but I will NOT stand for villainy, no sir! And if that means tickling villains like you into submission then by heck I'll do it!'

Silver heroically spoke with his chest puffed out, his resolute fingers wiggling into and scratching Chase's sides non-stop. Chase tried to push his hands away, but every time he moved or shifted he just felt like he was exposing himself more, he was caught between wanted to attack and wanting to defend himself! Being caught in the middle like this meant he could do neither, all he could do was scrunch his red face up with flustered mirth.

'IHIHI'M NAHAHAT AHA VIHIHILLAIN!!'

Silver raised an eyebrow at that, letting his tickling fingers sneak under Chase's t-shirt to target his bare sides as he mused.

'Oh? Then why, pray tell, would you threaten a superhero such as myself?'

Chase shook his head as he squealed, kicking out with ticklish desperation as he cried out VERY preciously.

'IHIHI DIHIDN'T MEHEHEAN IHIT!!'

Silver grinned, fighting hard to hide how giddy he felt at having such a cutie at the mercy of his tickling. Chase was so cute in the way his face scrunched up when he was embarrassed, and how as time went on his struggling got weaker and weaker, which made it easy for Silver to keep on tickling and teasing to his villaino-HEROIC heart's content.

'Hmmm, how do I know you're not just saying that to get me to stop tickling you?'

Chase gasped as his giggles softened a little, since Silver had slowed his tickling so only his fingertips traced Chase's sides rather than wiggling deep into the flesh. Chase gulped and shivered, hurrying to stammer in a way that he hoped would sound believable because my goodness the tickling was breaking him.

'N-Noho I-I-I'm ahan h-honest person I-I'm t-tehelling the truth!'

Chase exclaimed with a whimper, trying to crane his head round to try and see if Silver was thinking about being merciful. Granted, Silver did think about it...however, there was something in his way that was preventing him from providing mercy. Amidst the tickly kerfuffle, Chase's t-shirt had ridden up and exposed Chase's stunning, ticklish-looking stomach. Silver couldn't resist. He leant in close to Chase's ear, and grinned with shining eyes as he whispered.

'Sorry....but I don't think I believe you just yet!'

Chase....absolutely....shrieked. Not only had Silver had the evil idea of blowing a raspberry into the crook of Chase's neck, but all ten of his devilish fingers had set about poking and scribbling all over Chase's stomach.

'AAHHH NOHOHO NOHO FAHAHAHACK!!!'

Silver gasped dramatically, scribbling harder as Chase writhed about hysterically; I mean, if that wasn't a villain's vocabulary then he didn't know what was!

'You rude little villain! Oh yes, I think some more laughter should wash that rudeness out of your mouth!'

Chase laughed and laughed for sure, arching his back as his limbs flailed about recklessly. His face was crimson and his eyes were filled with tears of mirth...even through the madness of the tickling Chase was still having thoughts. Flustering thoughts of his family, how Schneeple always reprimanded him about his cheeky mouth, how Anti and Jackie would gang tickle him until he wept with joy and nothing else....how they'd all make him just feel happiness, and nothing else.

'IHIHIHI'M SAHAHARRY SIHIHIHILVEHER EHEHEHEE PLEHEHEEEEASE!!!'

Chases laughter was flitting between different shrill pitches as Chase thrashed and weakly tugged at Silver's fingers. Silver kept up the tickling though, giving Chase's lower tummy a good hearty scratch as he mused with a grin.

'You've got a seriously tickly tummy haven't you? Does that tickle Chase, hmm? Does it tickle bad?'

Silver almost started to sound like Wilford fricking Warfstache with how much he was cooing, and that just pushed Chase over the edge of flusteredness. He was shrieking and bucking from the scratching and teasing, it was all he was thinking about, anything else that might have been in his mind before had been seriously overshadowed. 

'YEHEHEHES YEHEHES!!! PLEHEHEASE NOHO MOHOHOOORE!!!'

Chase whined through his desperate laughter, feeling achy already from the force of his own laughter, and thankfully Silver heeded his sweet begs. Silver's fingers drew away from Chase's tummy, making the man gasp and hug his abdomen as his residual giggles made him titter adorably. Silver kept hugging him though, Silver's hugs were inescapable.

'Ahalright, alright no more....for now at least.'

Silver snorted and giggled when Chase loudly whined into his shoulder....before his whines swiftly turned into little huffs and snores. Silver grinned and rooted around for his phone, before throwing out a text to his heroic septic companion saying that their planned mission for today was going to lean more towards snuggling rather than the scaling of buildings.

WOOOO HOPE YOU GUYS LIKE THIS FICCY LEMME KNOW IF YA DO WOOOOO LUV YOUS XX

[prorevenge]

Don't tell mom the dog-sitter's dead.

TL;DR at the bottom.

This didn't happen to me, it happened to my sister.

My sister moved up to SC from FL about a year ago, but she still visits us periodically. We're a big and close family. Shortly after Thanksgiving, she flew down with her husband and son for one such visit. She has 3 geriatric dogs, so she got a house/dog sitter.

MS (my sister) went through the basics of how they can only be fed at certain times. They get let out at certain times. They need to be in their crates from X hour to Z hour. Most importantly, they don't get treats. They get vitamins in place of treats, but those vitamins have to be given only twice a day. No people food. Very strict diets. They're all happy and healthy, but only because MS is so strict with their regime.

This lady she got to watch her dogs had stellar reviews on the site she was found through. She's a stay-at-home mom who does this as a side thing for extra cash. I feel like I can end it here, you all can guess where this is going.

MS left for Florida for a week. The first 5 days, everything is going well. DS (dog sitter) texts MS regularly or video calls. She shows MS pictures and gives her regular updates of when she comes and goes to MS's house. MS just bought that house, btw. She's been working her butt off to finally be able to afford it. She puts so much into making that a nice home for her family.

MS has some health problems herself. She's got a ton of prescription medication in her medicine cabinet. She brought enough for the week, but left the rest at home. Stuff for epilepsy, asthma, and allergies. But she's also got a ton of pain killers from when she had my nephew not that long ago. She's paranoid about becoming addicted, so she kept the pills for safety, but never used them. It's a full bottle.

On top of that, she's been a collector of rare beer for about 15 years now. Beer that's not even sold anymore because they were promotional from micro breweries. Beer she can't get anymore because she doesn't live in Florida. Those bottles, she keeps as mostly decoration in her kitchen.

On the 6th day of her vacation, DS stops all communication altogether. MS texts, calls, emails. Nothing. Radio silence. She's got a bad feeling, but she doesn't want to kill the mood because she doesn't get to see her family very often anymore.

Day 7, she gets on a late flight back to SC. The plane gets there around 2 in the morning. They drive an hour to their rural town. They get home. The front door is wide open. The lawn looks like someone in a truck (which DS happened to drive) just tried to go drifting over grass and a tree before vacating the premises super quick.

MS goes to handle my nephew who is groggy and screaming. It's been a rough day. She's thinking the worst. That someone robbed the house while this poor lady was there. MS's husband (BiL) goes inside to survey the damages. It's all clear, MS and Nephew go inside too.

The back door is wide open. The couch looks like it exploded. The rug in the living room and the couch, and pretty much every square foot on the bottom floor is covered in the kind of pee and poop that can only be made from 3 geriatric furry buttholes.

The dogs are, thankfully, still in the backyard. But they're shivering and filthy. There are broken beer bottles everywhere. Some have been stuffed deep in the trash to hide the evidence. Some have been refilled with water and put back with their tops precariously situated on top so they might look like they haven't been touched.

82 bottles, each growler sized (roughly 64 oz) - gone. The medicine cabinet is like one of those Western ghost town's with a tumbleweed bouncing through. MS is already thinking this DS threw herself a party. No way in heck could someone 5'6'', 170 lbs, drink that much beer and take that many pills and not be dead.

MS called the cops. Obviously. The police get there to figure this must be a break in. They take a bunch of pictures, take an account of all the bottles and drugs that were missing. MS cleans what she can, but gets to sleep because thankfully the upstairs hasn't been touched.

One day later, the police find DS. MS has assumed she's dead and abducted, so the police were looking for her and her car. They found the truck run off the side of a highway, with this lady about two miles up, tweaking OUT OF HER MIND walking along the side of the road, screaming at nothing.

They take her in for whatever charges. Idk. Her husband bails her out and picks her up. According to her husband, this has happened before. DS has a drug and alcohol problem.

At first, she's messaging my sister, super apologetic, saying she'll reimburse MS and please don't press charges. MS quotes her the price of the rug, a new couch, and the vet bills because her dogs had somehow gained access to 9 containers of doggie vitamins and one of them was having liver failure. (The dog is fine now, but she's an old yorkie so who knows. Also, MS buys in bulk from a wholesaler, hence 9 containers). The total was somewhere around $800. MS didn't bother with the beers, the meds, the lawn, cleaning the house. She could have. Heck, I would have.

On top of that, MS demanded DS never dog sit again and she had to refund MS for her dog sitting. MS works in advertising. I won't say what kind, but basically if she saw/sees DS advertising herself as a dog sitter ever again, she has the means to drag this lady until all she sees is mud for the rest of her life.

DS insists she'd gonna pay it back, but that MS has to wait until they get their taxes back. Ok. So MS waits. Late February, she texts DS asking where her money is. DS immediately starts saying how she didn't do anything wrong, MS is a bad dog owner and her dogs are miserable, none of the stuff MS says DS did was actually done. MS has all the old texts of DS admitting to all of it sooo....?

This goes on for a while. Eventually, DS starts saying how "as a courtesy" she has a friend who owns a furniture store, she will give MS a credit of $200 for a new couch. And she has an old rug she doesn't want anymore that MS can have.

Erm... what?

She payed MS about $500, but and insists she'll get the coupon to MS soon. March goes by. Nothing.

Around March 20th, MS marches her happy butt to the small claims court and files. Then she snaps pictures of everything. Then she sends DS the message. "As a courtesy, I'm letting you know that I just filed this at the small claims court."

Then the fun starts. This lady goes OFF on MS. She says she's going to sue for slander and undue distress and harassment and blah blah blah blah blah. MS saves all of it, including the fun bits where DS threatens her family and calls her the C-word 20-dozen times.

Today is what? April 6th? Tuesday was the court date. Things move fast in a small town, idk. This lady shows up looking like she just got run through by a garbage disposal. She gives the judge her sob-story, talking about how she did nothing but give MS and her animals the best care, that MS is making all this up.

Yeah. MS has the OG cop with her. She's got pictures of all the damage, the vet bills, the bottles, proof that she was out of town, police reports of both the "break-in" as well as DS's DWI the following day. DS tries to spin it with that one law about how you can't serve alcohol to a known alcoholic. That obviously gets thrown right tf out.

DS then tries to appeal to Judge and MS's sense of humanity. She tells them how her husband just left her and is suing her for full custody (good!) and that if she can't dog-sit how is she supposed to support herself or ever get her kids back (tough cookies!). The judge takes my sister's side, for obvious reason, come tf on.

DS is homeless now, living with her parents. She can't see her kids, who btw don't want to see her. Apparently she was a drunk who ran her hubby's credit all the way down, she was abusive to her kids, and because of her heavy alcohol abuse - one of her kids has FAS. DS has 60 days to pay the remaining $300 or she faces jail time (idk how much time, sorry). Her husband filed for divorce already. Oh, and she lost her license thanks to that DWI.

As a former addict myself and someone who's been through a DWI, I want to sympathize. That's a lot of stuff to go through. MS gave her chance after chance, but at some point, you have to take responsibility for your actions. It really seems like this lady has just been using her husband as a crutch while she tries to get better, only to backslide hard. It's rough, I know. I hope she gets the help she needs.

MS's dogs are doing well. She got a replacement couch on Amazon for like $75 and a nice fluffy rug for even less. DS eventually coughed up that coupon. It didn't even work. It was for something like 20% off with a purchase of $500 or more, so um...no thanks.

TL;DR: World's poopiest dog-sitter trashes my sister's house after going on a bender. Claims she didn't do that, while also promising to pay for the damages. Never pays. Gets taken to court. Loses her home, job, kids, and marriage.

(source) story by (/u/anoukdaae)

[kawaiikatanabushi]

Hakuouki Okichi Belated Fictober 2019

November Latetober entry Day 4 “I know you didn’t ask for this.”

Fandom: Hakuouki

Pairing: Okichi

Triggers: Depression, suggestion of divorce, illness, tuberculosis, minor self-loathing, angst

A snippet taken from an upcoming Okichi story in which Souji and Chizuru wind up in a self-arranged marriage deal.

They were falling into a steady rhythm, adjusting to his home health care with hardly any effort. She would rise before him, make breakfast for herself as she allowed him to sleep a few hours more, give him his first dosage at 11 as he was waking and feed him if he was hungry, write her nurse's notes and attend to his needs with ease and still make time to be his wife in the evening. It had been a flippant moment of chance that had brought them into marriage. Her heart being broken and his own agenda aside, they had become a good team. He had never expected to be so humbled and indebted to her. She was the pinnacle of goodness and he felt his uselessness settle as a weighty depression. He didn't deserve any of her tender care. He hadn't even given her a family as he had promised. It was their deal and he was skimping on the bargain. He felt worthless as she juggled their lives and he slept through most of it.

"Souji," she called softly, noticing the somber hue casting his features in dismal drudgery, "Are you alright? What's the matter?"

He sighed heavily, closing his eyes against her fondly mussing his bangs. She deserved far better than him. She hadn't even picked up on his cowardice, being unable to tell her how madly in love with her he had become. He was a failure, laid up in bed and eating up her youth. He had brought sickness into their lives and tormented her future with his worthless life.

"I know you didn't ask for this," he began, shaking his head lethargically as she opened her mouth to protest, "Please, Chizuru. Let me finish. Your brother suggested you leave me. That idiot Kazama has promised you a future countless times. Kodo-san would be thrilled. You're wasting your life with me. Even your friend Sen thinks you'd be better off without me. I think their right. You don't need me. I'm no good for you. I can't give you that baby you want. I'm too weak. I'm always tired, out of breath. I can't even hold my own bowl of food. You always feed me. Bathe me. Usher me to the bathroom. You didn't sign up for nursing a sickly husband. You didn't sign up for being with a pathetic man. You didn't ask for any of this!"

A culmination of feeling horribly ill, feeling a burden and being in love reduced him to frustrated tears. It seemed the only thing he could do was cry, as much as he had forced the urge away and despised the act for several months. He slowly rolled onto his other side, shielding her from seeing his emotional breakdown. He had come to the end of his rope, reduced to a grieving pile of sorrow.

"You should leave me," he choked out in a small whisper.

A warm petite hand rested against his back, rubbing soothing circles as she shushed him tenderly. She allowed him to release his pent-up frustration and self-loathing, knowing that a good cry might relieve some of his stresses. He was being all-too-hard on himself, as was expected of a warrior. It was so difficult to nurse the emotional needs of such an independent and stubborn man. She pulled back his blanket, settling down behind him. She wrapped her arms about his neck, planting kisses to his head as one hand stroked his chest.

"Shh, Souji, shh," Chizuru muttered into his hair, nuzzling her nose onto his head, "You're just having a rough day. It's perfectly expected to feel like this when you're so unwell. I'm here for you. I'm not going anywhere. It's okay, it's okay. Just let it out, Souji. Let it out and I'll make you some daikon porridge, okay?"

"Food doesn't fix everything, Chizuru," Souji sobbed, wiping at his nose, "You're too good to me. I don't deserve this. You'll come to resent me. It's only been three months of this whole setup. You'll tire of me eventually. I can't give you anything. I can't give you a family and I promised it to you. What if these antibiotics make me sterile? There goes that baby we planned on,"

"We can always adopt," Chizuru mumbled tenderly, holding him all the tighter, "Don't despair, Souji. There's always hope,"

"What if we can't afford a baby?" He asked quietly, weakly lacing his hand with hers.

"Oh, Souji," she sighed in sympathy, shifting to rest her cheek on his, "I don't think you understand. I came to the Shinsengumi, a simple homecare nurse who lived a quiet and average life, even as an oni. Yes, I had a giant crush on Hijikata-san, but do you know who came to my rescue when he announced his engagement? Who asked after my feelings, Souji? Who listened to my woes and offered a solution, unorthodox as it was? You know him. I married him. He's such a feeling and good man. Kids and cats alike adore him. He's playful and mischievous, but I can't imagine having a life without him now. I don't care how difficult this time is. We're going to get through it. Do you know why, Souji? Because, you are my family. My life. My husband. I didn't ask for this, that's true. But, I don't mind. I want to care for you. I can't abandon you now. I got too close. I care too deeply for you. I'm not going to leave you, I'd rather die first. You're my husband, for better or worse. Yes, I want to be a mother, but the importance of that pales in comparison to my husband getting well. You're my life, now. I don't want to be apart from you. You're my everything,"

He could not respond. He wanted to tell her then, be the one to say he loved her first. His heart was so overwhelmed, all he could do was cry harder. She always managed to push away the debris surrounding his heart and heal him in the most broken places. He would be lost without her and the reality of being abandoned by her was too frightening a thought. He never wanted to lose her. He wanted to be selfish and keep her, even at the cost of her happiness. He loved her so much, his heart throbbed.

With great effort, he moved to lay upon his back and pulled off his oxygen, motioning from her to come closer with a tender half-smile. She smiled serenely, meeting him for a tender kiss. It was all he could do to express his gratitude. She balanced everything in his life and he would be lost without her.

"Never leave me," he begged upon parting, rubbing his nose on hers, "I'd be so lost without you,"

"Thankfully, the weight of my wedding band will keep me at your side, always," Chizuru promised, kissing his forehead, "Now, let's get you hydrated again and fed. No more silly talk of leaving,"

"How about a compromise? We're both so tired, I think a nap should be prescribed," he smirked, his eyes soft and sparkling for the first time in a while.

"Alright," Chizuru laughed, settling herself in the crook of his arm, "But, you're eating as soon as I wake up,"

"It's a promise," he agreed, wiping away his residual tears.

She was almost instantly asleep in his arms and exhausted as he was, he remained awake for a moment to watch his sleeping wife. It was as if he had an angel in his embrace. He placed a few weary kisses to her forehead, stroking his fingers through her hair. How serene and healing it was to hold her against him, watching how peaceful her sleeping expression was. How was this connection so precious fulfilling for him? She completed him in a way he could never express. He rested his forehead to hers, kissing her nose.

"I love you," he whispered, looking over her face with unveiled adoration, "One day, I won't be such a coward. One day, I'll tell you how you complete me. You deserve to know how I feel. One day, I'll be braver. I'll be better just for you. I promise. You can have all of me. I'll stop holding back. Just, wait a little longer, ne? I'm so scared of failing you... and... I'm talking to myself. Uh, Souji. Just tell her in person, ne?"

He chuckled to himself, yawning widely as his lids became heavy. Sometimes, there was no better emotional cure than a lengthy cuddle with his tender, feisty and cute wife. She was his everything.

[therealkalanchoe]

💖 Kalanchoes - Endurance, Persistence, Eternal Love and Prosperity.  💖

1. MEET RIANNA  ANDIÇ  ( wedding planner. )

@madison-intros​

( TW WARNINGS: SUBSTANCE ABUSE, ANXIETY )

- she’s a native, born & raised here in madison.

- currently 32 years old this year ( her b’day has only very recently just passed : july 19th )

- Born the eldest child of the Andıç family, Rianna had always been the most responsible and constantly reliable family member, a main source of support for any and all of her family members She had always regarded it as her loyal duty to be the glue and spine that kept the family together, no matter how much it took out of her. FAMILY, WAS FIRST AND FOREMOST THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN THE WORLD TO HER. No matter how each family member turned out or what her relationship with them grew to be, Rianna would do anything at anytime to ensure their happiness, safety and health comes first before hers. 

 - The Andıç family were a very happy, normal family at first, living on a very comfortable middle class range but that all eventually changed when their father slowly started to fall back on the bad addictions of his youth, mainly gambling and greed. He kept this habits a secret from his family at first but it all soon came to light when Rianna was about 11, as small cracks started appearing in their family’s income. The small cracks then eventually snowballed into bigger cracks due to their father’s impulsive greed of trying to take shortcuts and invest in business deals and loans that eventually went all wrong. By the time Rianna was 16, their parents’ marriage had badly deteriorated as their father sometimes took to substance abuse once in a while as a form of relief. However, due to pride and their mother’s passive and weak timidity, they still stayed married, but the household was a mess as their mom became a panicky and a constantly fretful mouse and their dad was struggling to mend things. 

- Thus Rianna was forced to become the voice of reason and the go-to person in helping her dad, mom and also helping to bring up/ provide her siblings with a semblance of normalcy in their growing up years. Rianna had always been a helpful and compassionate person, but those traits of hers came to the fore more than ever over the past 16 years as she always been a filial child. She had to struggle hard -  1) helping her father think of ways to deal with their family’s financial troubles as well as take up part-time jobs of her own, 2) be constant pillar of support to her overly-anxious mom , 3) be a sort of secondary parental figure in helping to raise up her younger siblings. 

- Thankfully she had some support from her closest and caring neighbours as well as her dearest bff from childhood, andrew “andy” harper to count on during her hardships. She currently has secret romantic feelings for Andy and vice versa, but both till now had never confessed their true feelings.

 - She was once married to a guy whom she thought was her romantic soulmate and one true love during her college years. her family and friends didn’t really approve and was wary of him , due to a few reasons. however being very much head-over-heels in love with him, Rianna waved off their worries and wholly trusted in him. she thought that they had the same goals in life and would work hard together to achieve them. being married so early was just them knowing that they had found the person they wanted to spend the rest of their life with, so why the wait? This had been the biggest and pretty rare, impulsive thing that Rianna had done, but she had been so infatuated with him that love made her throw caution to the wind. 

- One night he never came home and just vanished without a trace. Worse still, all of their joint savings were wiped out from their bank account, leaving everyone to pinpoint on him as betraying all this while. In truth, it was actually one of her best friends who had stolen her money and conveniently blamed/ framed her Rianna’s husband, because they had been desperate for cash & was also was jealous of Rianna. Till this day, Rianna has no idea of that particular best friend’s true nature.  

- Rianna didn’t want to believe it at first and desperately tried to find her lost hubby, but she soon had to the face the possibility that he had been using her all this while. Heartbroken, she then applied for divorce that eventually cleared through after a few years of being unable to locate him despite all their best efforts.

- Due to her savings being gone, she had to work two jobs and took a sabbatical break from college for quite a while before eventually being able to resume it once she had enough funds. She finally graduated with a degree in event planning and then worked hard on achieving her lifelong dream occupation to be a wedding planner. Several years later down the road, Rianna is now a flourishing and highly talented wedding planner in town, with her services also being sought after in Jessup and Savannah once in a while. Her current home, a large and beautifully restored & innovatively renovated cottage in Madison also functions as her cozy business office on the ground floor while she lives on the upper floor.

PERSONALITY wise:   

Rianna is a very confident, bold, extremely creative ( in artistic ways & problem-solving ), very quick-thinker, resilient, patient, kind-hearted, loving and v loyal woman . She is at the same time, extremely family-oriented, family always comes first for her, despite her parents' many flaws as she can't help but be a very filial daughter even if she grows weary of it. She's the glue and/or spinal cord that holds her family together so that they don't fall apart when her parents are failing her and her siblings. Eldest child curse XD. 

She also knows how to be charming if necessary ( occasion calls for it/ have to use it to work around certain types of ppl ) However she also sticks firmly to her many life principles and wouldn't betray them for anything. Rianna is also very organized and a stickler for doing things on time & arriving on time too  so one of her annoyances is latecomers & tardiness , tho she won't really hold it as grudge against you forever. She'll be properly upset there and then and then move on.

She strives to act composed, dress and be extremely professional during her working hours, though she will go above and beyond sometimes to help her clients due to her ever-romantic heart. Yes, despite having her heart broken by her ex-hubby, Rianna still maintains the outlook of a true romanticist, or as some would say a hopeless romantic. She still believes in true love, romantic soulmates, destiny and all that jazz, and no one could convince her out of it. It doesn’t help that her bff & go-to confidante  is also a hopeless romantic and supports her belief that her Mr.Right is out there somewhere for her someday.

Despite that, her love life has been pretty silent half the time due to her business and current passion with her work. One could say that she might be a bit of a workaholic once in a while. 

She has A HUGE LOVE FOR DOGS and less so for horses. She likes them well enough, can ride but still isn’t the biggest fan of horse-riding (due an old childhood fear of them before she finally overcame it with the help of one of her exes. )

She ADORES children and anytime she could, she would help anyone babysit their kid, even for free.  Rianna has a natural talent for connecting well with children, even teenagers which is probably due to her innate empathy, high imagination, patience and experience from helping to raise her siblings and dealing with her parents 

WANTED CONNECTIONS:

- besties ( !! )

- bff & confidante  : Andy Harper ( will they - wont they kind of deal too, kind of an old married couple at times and they share andy’s dog copper. )

- childhood first love ( !! )

- her siblings!!!

- pen-pal(s)!!

- a rival

- exes:  ~ Jack Dunn ( split on amicable terms, now are good friends )

            ~ more..?

- exercise buddies

- dance buddies

- a short & sweet holiday romance

 - whoops! we accidentally got drunkenly married in vegas/atlantic city

- neighbours (!!) : Andy Harper, more tba..

- former school-mates

- close and good friends ~ Chesney Ragsdale, Nick Gates, Avery Robinson

- former clients :  ~ Nick Gates & emilia reyes

- current clients 

- friends!!!

- older sister figure to - Chesney & Avery

- former babysitter of - Chesney Rasgdale

[master-thief-gray-shadow]

So as of today it’s been exactly one year since I first watched Revue Starlight, and it’s been a really interesting year. I’ve been thinking about the impact the series has had on my life lately and felt like I needed to get some thoughts down.

TW: self harm mention, suicide mention

Love Live changed my life. It was not my first fandom ever, but it was the first one where I got seriously involved with the community. Not only did I manage to make friends within the fandom (and to be honest these friends have proven truer than any I’ve had in real life), but I also managed to meet not one but two amazing partners, which is two more than I’d ever anticipated I’d have. Love Live was good to me, and for a good three years I happily allowed it to consume my very soul. But things like these don’t last forever.

I don’t talk about it much (there’s a reason why but that’s another story), but I am autistic and I do have ADHD. Obviously hyperfixations are a big part of my life. The big ones tend to last for years. Naruto was three or four, Touhou was a solid three, Kancolle was less than a year but I feel like it would have been longer if I hadn’t forcibly divorced myself from it due to the fact that my mental health at the time was spiraling out of control. Love Live was just another one of these things. For years it was constantly in my thoughts, and at the height of all this I couldn’t watch a movie without thinking “hm, what if this was Love Live characters?” It gave me a reason to live and got me through a few rough patches. But my interest did eventually start to wane. Unfortunately this coincided with one of those rough patches, and this particular one had something that I hadn’t had to deal with in a while: uncertainty.

Early last year I quit my job. It was a customer service job, one that I had been at for a few years and was starting to get tired of. I figured that I would be unemployed for a month or two (which at the time sounded refreshing, one of the reasons I quit was because the job had become so soul-sucking that I didn’t have energy for anything else) before getting a new one, preferably one with better hours and better pay. What I hadn’t counted on was my depression, which was already a contributing factor in my somewhat fragile state, utterly consuming me now that I didn’t have any kind of routine or purpose, and was therefore at the mercy of my thoughts at all times. I tried to take refuge in Love Live like I always had, and for a while, it worked. But eventually it just kind of...stopped working. So here I was, unemployed, depressed, and rapidly losing the ability to find joy in things. All that, but thankfully in no actual, real, physical danger. But apparently my brain thought I was. So that’s what it started telling me.

I’m not gonna go into what I specifically believed was happening. The long and short of it was that I started having irrational fears about my health, brought upon by some discussion that was going on in the spaces I hung out in. At first I was able to just dismiss it as paranoia, but certain things happened that only served to deepen it. Eventually I started thinking that I needed to go to the hospital, but what for? Nobody would believe there was anything wrong. I didn’t even believe it myself, at least consciously. But my brain was telling me I needed to go. And if I didn’t have an obvious reason to, I should give myself one.

I did not actually reach the point of doing self-harm, fortunately. But I came close. One evening something triggered a massive panic attack, and I, sincerely believing my life was in danger, began seriously, seriously considering it. I was very lucky that my parents kind of knew what was going on and rushed me to the hospital before I could do anything I might regret. I ended up spending a few days in the hospital’s psyche ward, which from what I’ve gathered was actually pretty okay as far as psyche wards go, but it was still a quiet and sterile place with no clocks and no contact with the outside. I was relieved to get out, to say the least. Even spending five and a half hours a day in intensive therapy, five days a week, was an improvement. I even managed to keep the job I had just started.

And that was the state I was in when I first watched Revue Starlight. Crawling my way out from the bottom of a pit. I had heard of the show, I’d seen it on my dash a few times, and this one anon, you know who you are, kept recommending it to me, which I had responded to every time with “okay, I’ll consider it.” For the past month or two I had been watching JoJo for the first time, and I had just finished Stardust Crusaders. Stardust Crusaders, if you haven’t watched it, is not bad at all. But it is very long and has some pacing issues. I needed a break from JoJo. A short one-season anime like Revue Starlight? The perfect palette cleanser. After all, it’s just Love Live with swords, right? It’s not like it’s gonna take over my life or anything.

And it didn’t. The first three episodes were...uh...well, I was more than a little confused. I didn’t really gel with any of the characters or understand what was going on, so, upon finishing episode 3, I unceremoniously closed the tab and declared myself done. At least that was how it was initially. One evening a couple days later I found myself bored, and figured that I might as well just finish the thing. I had time to kill, after all.

Now this was what did the trick. This time I found myself blown out of the water, especially by the finale, which had just aired that day. Revue Starlight quickly flooded in to fill the void Love Live had left, and I found myself giddy with that new hyperfixation feel. Therapy was going extremely smoothly, I started getting the hang of my new job, and I was even going to the gym regularly. I had something to live for again. A rope to hold onto so I wouldn’t fall deeper and hit the bottom that I’d struggled so hard to climb away from. No matter what happened, I would have the 99th Seisho class to fall back on.

Things, of course, did happen. I grew to resent my job, which wasn’t well-suited for me, so I started looking for a new one. A better one. I had my eye on one in particular, it seemed like a nice cushy desk job that probably had good pay and benefits. I was sure I had nailed the interview. I’d opted to finish the holiday season with my current job, but I really, really wanted that new one. I’d just start once I was finished with my current one, and I had gathered the next starting date was early in the spring. It was for this reason that I wasn’t too concerned when the place I was currently working at got closed down. No problem. I’d just wait for my new job to start.

And so I was unemployed again. In winter, no less, so my depression was particularly monstrous now. For two months I sat in figurative and literal darkness, clinging onto two things: the expectation that I would hear back from the people I was hoping to hear from, and my love for Revue Starlight. I was absolutely miserable. But I held on. I held onto those two things. And finally, the date where I would be called in for an initiation drew near.

Unfortunately, it turned out I actually hadn’t gotten the job after all. I nearly fell apart completely.

I’m kind of convinced that if I hadn’t gotten into RevStar and renewed my need to hyperfixate on things I might’ve actually gone through with killing myself. The sheer despair I felt when I found out I had just spent so much time sitting around for nothing, that I had wasted a whole two months of my life, was crushing. In the heat of the moment, I really did think about it. I felt so utterly worthless and foolish, and if I took my own life I wouldn’t have to feel that way anymore. But I couldn’t. Because I did have a reason to keep living and to move on. I still had Revue Starlight.

Eventually I did manage to get a job, my current one. It’s not ideal, but the pay and hours are better than either of my previous ones, as is the nature of the job itself. The effects of my hormone replacement therapy, which I had only been on for about a month when everything had fallen apart, soon started to become more apparent. Now that I had a steady and regular source of income I decided to make plans to go out and see my girlfriend, who I figured it was about time I met in real life, which I eventually did, and she was wonderful. And those were just things that happened within my personal life. As for Revue Starlight? Shortly after I’d gotten the job, I managed to actually watch the stage plays, which I hadn’t seen yet, and they were amazing, especially the second one. Starira got an English release, pulling new blood into the fandom. Sato Hinata was slated to appear at Anime Central, which is the one con I actually bother to attend, and I got to meet her. For real. In person.

And if I’d gone and killed myself? I would never have gotten any of that. I would have missed out on so much. As much of a fool as I had felt like at the time, at least I didn’t do the single most foolish thing that I could have. And I’m glad. And thankful.

So thank you, to that one anon (you know who you are) for pointing me in the right direction. Thank you to the fellow fans who make up this community that I’ve settled down in. Thank you to the seiyuu in front of the mics, and the artists, animators, composers, writers, and coders behind them. I’m here right now because of you. Thank you.

[dangerouslyfantasticwizard]

How am I feeling?

My relationship with mental health.

I wanted to pen a little something to help shine a light on the big messy swirl that is my mind.

I have been depressed for a number of years, clinically diagnosed in around 2009 but I can’t tell you when it really started, and I agree with the idiom “It never gets better, it just gets easier".

I have struggled on and off for as far back as I can remember, my parents divorce being a pivotal moment but only a small cog in the machine that ultimately lead me to here and now, sitting on the bathroom floor crying into some toilet roll because of the latest brick that was pulled out of the fresh mind-set that I was trying to build in my mind.

The second notable incident began in 2011, but he didn’t show himself until 2012.

Becoming a teenage parent is hard, and keeping another real life human alive is tough. Especially when you have a complicated relationship with the mother. We didn’t stay together for long after he was born, but we stayed close. It was a tough time for both of us and she was building on top of her own series of poor experiences that made her the person that she was. Neither of us had had it particularly easy, but she was dealt a hand worse than mine from the start.

This took its toll on my studies, as you can imagine, and I didn’t grade particularly highly at A Level. The combination of young child, my age and my poor grades formed a clear path for me. I was to go straight into work.

I juggled through various jobs, some much better than others, and did some pretty wonderful things. I was never truly happy in any one job and my home life never got any easier. The relationship that my sons mum and I had became increasingly difficult as we both tried to see other people and raise a child together as closely as we could. There were arguments, fights, slanging matches, I was banned from my sons 2nd birthday party, I collapsed in tears on multiple occasions and overall my life didn’t feel particularly worth it. I lost my friends, I rarely saw my family.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my son more than anything, but the situations I often found myself in because of the circumstances were not healthy places to be in.

I continued to jump through jobs building my skills and eventually settled into an industry I thought I liked. Until the stress made me ill.

My old friends reached out to me and I began being sociable again. That was quite an important thing for me as it helped me bounce back and had sounding boards to discuss my life with. Regaining my best friend from school was a real blessing. And then I gained a whole new group of friends scattered across the globe growing year on year, the Lost Legion. They have always been by my side in times of need and they are so precious to me.

So, I jump again from a job that makes me ill to a job that makes me regret waking up in the morning. I’ve never clock watched so much in my life. Thankfully it wasn’t long lived but during those 6 months there were many, many dramas involving my son and the circumstances around it.

Coparenting is hard and I believe that even people that praise us for our parenting style don’t quite understand what we go through. The relationships that have suffered because we try to do what’s best for our son are numerous. Coparenting for us is all about sharing parental responsibilities and acting as a family unit to show that our love for him overcomes any personal feelings we may have. This means that, ultimately, we have minor influences over each other’s lives. If we believe something is best for him we will work together to achieve it and sometimes that means making sacrifices and supporting each other. Two people with very poor mental health can lead to an element of “chipping in" when required to alleviate the pain that the person is dealing with. We both require parental getaways from time to time and we work to make it work.

This sometimes makes it difficult to hold down effective relationships as our partners feel they are being treated as second best to my ex. This couldn’t be further from the truth and maybe one day I will find a way to make them see. It's also something that I know will get easier as my son gets older. He's not far off 8 years old and it won't be too long before he can choose as and when he wants to see me and he can have jnout on how it all works.

Anyway, I jump around a bit further. At this particular point in the story I had remained single since the birth of my son. The loneliness wasn't easy at all. No matter how many friends or family members I surrounded myself with I still felt alone. Many questionable decisions were made including some that I am certainly not proud of. As you can probably imagine, this did not help the state of my mental health. Being alone is a dangerous feeling.

One thing I haven't covered is my confidence. As a natural born introvert I always struggled to make friends and express myself. This went hand in hand with the struggle that is being bisexual (biphobia is real and awful). I also enjoy make up, traditionally-female clothing and generally being a big queer. I was raised in a liberal family in a rather neglected bigotted environment so this was very very difficult to develop with and thus expressing myself was hard. Feelings had to be repressed from an early age and only recently have I felt more free to express them.

Skipping forwards to mid-2019. I had a job that I enjoy, a girlfriend that I adored that made me so unbelievably comfortable in my own skin. Everything was looking up. Until I received news that multiple very close members of my family had been diagnosed with cancer. Some of them are fine now, but there is a goodbye that I will have to bring myself to make in the very near future.

This caused my world to yet again come crashing down and begin a snowball that was only going to get bigger and bigger. My work studies are suffering, my social life is always hit and miss, my regular depression has moved out and the joy of SADs has moved in.

I am now single, facing a big family goodbye and so far behind in my work that I called my boss to apologise and broke down on the phone to her. All while doing my best to keep a smile for my son.

I don't want him to know that his daddy is falling apart.

Now, of course, I've skipped over many details and avoided particular mental breakdowns. Of course I still love my son and of course I utterly, desperately want my girlfriend back, and my finances are a horrific shambles for somebody that works in finance. But this isn't about any of that.

This post is about something else. Something that many people have done for me.

Checked in.

They've messaged me at night, and in the morning and at regular intervals to make sure that I don't make any foolish decisions.

I know what decision they're trying to avoid me taking, and I'd by lying if I said I hadn't thought about it, but that's not what I really want.

I've thought about taking my own life a few times since 2009, all for very different reasons. But I don't just want the pain to stop.

I want to live.

I want to grow old with somebody and watch my son live his dreams. I want to finish reading my books. I want to see how The Good Place ends. I want to see the people I love thrive.

Suicide isn't an option I have given myself. It's a locked door with no key. I'm far too curious as to what next year will bring to just end it all. Too many people I know have tried or have succeeded and I know the pain it causes.

So basically, I'll be fine, but I appreciate the concern.

I might update this post as I continue to explore my feelings, but here it is for now.

Things I haven't mentioned: Holding hands through miscarriages, other breakups, abuse, anorexia, anxiety attacks, other family issues etc.

[thebellwitchblog]

Reasons why my life is a fanfic

I dated my roommate fall semester freshman year of college. I was literally the “And they were roommates” vine.

He was set to inherit part of his father’s manufacturing company, so I would have been pretty comfortable if we stayed together.

Said roommate then started dating the Resident Adviser (an upperclassman over our hall for those of you that don’t have them)

I then got said RA fired cause I'm petty and found out they started shit while I was dating the ex in question.

I got engaged early 2018 to someone I'd been in love with since I met them. But we were only marrying so I could have his health insurance. He didn't know I was in love with him. But then drama happened, so it got called off. 

I'm now engaged to the same friend again, but this time I'm not in love with him. (Edit: still in love with him just in denial)

New years eve party 2019 I finally got with someone I was interested in two years before and then realized he wasn’t that good.

While my mother was in the hospital I found the cute charge nurse for our floor on Grindr and hooked up. Then he caught feelings and I bailed.

Because of my mother being in the hospital among other reasons, decided to do the semester online rather than go back to campus, and a whole lot of fuckery ensued.

Such as reconnecting with three people I've almost dated in the past and finding out they're all still in love with me.

But not being on campus for a semester meant drifting from a guy I had been really interested in dating eventually. Still feel bad about that.

I once dated someone that went on to get... third place in a season of American idol? Then got blamed for them losing 😒😒😒 cause we broke up partway through the contest cause they were cheating on me. (I'm not gonna put their name or even gender out cause I'd rather not be connected to them.)

Also dated another person that a few years after we lost touch went on to be the bassist for a band that became reasonably popular for a bit before fading to obscurity.

My mother's family used to own all of the land that would become Austin, TX. And that was the poorer side of the family.

But because of cousins cheating my side of the family out of inheritances through the generations and then my mother's poor decisions we're now the poor family.

My grandmother's maiden name was Towles, which was originally Towle, as in Towle Silver. And that wasn’t even the main part of the family’s wealth.

A bit further back in my mother's ancestry are the Bell family. If you've heard of the Bell Witch of Tennessee, you've heard of my many times great grandmother Elizabeth "Betsie" Bell.

My mother was engaged to the then-heir-now-owner of Johnson & Johnson at one point.

Mother was a serial fiancee. She was engaged more times than years shes been alive (she's in her 50s) and hardly remembers any of them.

I've been engaged to... 3 different people? Only cause I usually jump ship before they get the idea in their head to propose.

My maternal grandmother found out that my grandfather had two different wives in other states (he worked for the railroad. Ended up being a multimillionaire before he died) and told him never to step foot in her city again or she'd take him to court for every penny he had (she was the first wife and had two kids by him) but refused to ever divorce him.

His horses were mentioned in his obituary but not my mother or her brother. I think only the two daughters he had by his most recent wife were mentioned out of all of his kids.

My mother's godfather was a hitman. And a few of her cousins were part of the drug side of the mafia. But we don't have anything to do with them anymore.

My mothers first husband was abusive. She hit him so hard with a frying pan that the vibrations in it caused her to drop it. The handle broke when it hit the floor.

She repeatedly beat the same husband's head into the bar of a fold out couch so hard that the bar went from bending slightly upwards to downwards.

Mentioned this in another post, but when I was kidnapped by my own father at the age of 6, my mother called said cousins and had new identities, jobs, and housing set up for us as well as transportation and an extraction team set to kill everyone and rescue me. Thankfully it didn’t have to come to that.

Going back to the Bell thing, supposedly my mothers family have been a long line of mediums, psychics, etc. At least one person in each generation is born with an innate ability to see/commune with spirits or get visions.

It's probably partially because of that I ended up practicing magic as well. Being a witch counts as a reason my life is a fanfic right? Lol

First time I went to a beach (while kidnapped, but before it was revealed I wasn’t going to be returned home) I got lost in the ocean. I was underwater for 10 minutes before washing up on shore perfectly fine.

I've fallen through two ceilings and been perfectly fine. One time I fell right next to a set of stairs. Is this plot armor?

Honestly the sheer amount of times I’ve come within a hair’s breadth of dying or, logically, should have died is insane and many of my friends now believe me to be immortal.

I wasn’t supposed to have been born. My mother was prone to miscarriages and due to scar tissue shouldn’t have even been able to conceive anymore. Plus she went into labor with me at 18 weeks, but they managed to stall it till I was born at 32 weeks. 

They thought I had cystic fibrosis when I was a wee baby and thus didn’t expect me to live. Turns out I just had really really bad allergies. 

Some people believe me to be the reincarnation of my grandmother. I look and act just like her, even have the same taste preferences for the most part, am named after her in two ways, was conceived a week or two after she died, and my original due date was her birthday. Which, just like when she was born, fell on mother’s day that year.

I was born in the middle of March in the American South. What began as rain turned to snow as I was born, and even accumulated enough for my elder siblings to go play out in it.

I have a collagen disorder that, while making me extra flexible, also means I'm prone to injuries, have a poor immune system, could spontaneously have an organ rupture, have spinal issues, bad knees and hips, etc. Also causes migraines and could be a possible cause of my mental illnesses.

Almost every best-friend I've had growing up had admitted to being in love with me. The other two or three admitted to crushing on me.

Despite being the exact opposite kind of person you would expect to be, I was at the top of the social ladder in high school. I was openly LGBT, an art kid, and one of the nerds, but because I was fairly charismatic and great at manipulating authority I had the backing of almost everyone both in the student body and the faculty. Anyone that had a problem with me couldn't act against me without having almost everyone turn against them. It was nice.

I have an unhealthy addiction to coffee. Surely that's a requirement for relatable fanfic protags.

[lunasalix]

My grandmother tried to kill herself last week. She has bipolar disorder which she refuses to treat because she likes the manic phases. It got really bad after she married her current husband, C. C is a rapey misogynist, chronic cheater, feral Trump supporter, and just all-around unpleasant. The entire family dislikes him, though most won’t admit it out loud. 

Suddenly, her manic and depressive phases became more pronounced - spiraling into her buying a house she couldn’t afford, fully furnishing it, deciding it needed major remodeling, getting into fights with contractors who understandably walked out, and eventually reselling it at a loss years later, meanwhile going through her various phases and at some points talking about moving there and leaving C. 

Her depressive phases first involved listlessness, but progressed quickly into severe alcoholism. C hid these incidents from the family until it eventually hit crisis level. He covered for her until the times when when she fell and broke her arm, when she fell and gashed her face open, and when she laid in bed without eating for over 2 weeks straight. We only found out when she was in a hospital. 

After the overdose death of my step brother a year and a half ago, she swore off of alcohol. We believed her. She would talk on and on about how his father saved her life by sharing my step brother’s story. Soon after my step brother’s death, she lost one of her brothers to alcoholism. A month later, she lost a nephew to the same thing. 5 months after that, she lost another brother to cancer. We waited for the other shoe to drop, still believing when she said she was done with alcohol. 

Turns out, she had been drinking herself into a stupor for weeks at a time all year long. Last Thursday, C went out to run errands at noon, thinking he had locked up all the alcohol in the house and taking her keys with him. She had made a spare key in secret and used it to buy 1.75L of liquor, which she proceeded to drink 3/4th of over the course of 2 hours before he returned. He took the rest of the bottle, but did nothing else. She told him between episodes of unconsciousness that she was trying to kill herself. He waited until the next morning to call an ambulance. She told them she was trying to kill herself, too. She was in the ICU for 2 days waiting for her BAC to drop enough so that she could be analyzed by a psychiatrist, because even a day later, she was at a blood alcohol content of 2.76. 

She is now in a psychiatric hospital, and my mom (a psych nurse) thinks she will likely be released this coming Friday after a 1-week involuntary hold. She is currently in a manic phase and is saying that she will not be returning home to C, but doesn’t know where she will go yet and is refusing all offers to stay with family. She is also talking about divorce - which is huge given her extremely religious background. My mom is afraid that she will wind up on the streets. While I agree with my grandmother that returning to C is probably not the best idea, the fact that she has no backup plan and no money of her own is worrisome... not to mention her inability to care for herself. 

Here’s the thing about my grandmother: this woman has lived through enough health issues to cripple a small town. She started out with lymphoma when she was almost 40 years old. Shortly after, arthritis set in. Skip forward 20 years, and it was lung cancer from all the smoking. The treatment from that left her with a “wasting disease” that ate away at her muscles and nervous tissue for 2 years before doctors were able to successfully treat it. Another 5 years, and one of her breast implants leaked and gave her breast cancer. Countless skin cancer operations - thankfully all minor.  The arthritis made her hands unusable about 15 years ago, forcing her into disability and early retirement. The lack of routine didn’t help with her bipolar disorder. A few months ago, her emphysema became so severe that she could no longer walk across her own home without getting out of breath, and forget stairs! 

It has been years since she has been capable of doing any of the things she loves. Most of these issues will never improve. There is no treatment or cure for arthritis or emphysema. Nothing will fix her many autoimmune disorders that lead to regular, hospitalization-level illnesses. Her life will not get much better, even without C, bipolar disorder, and alcoholism. In fact, it’s likely to get worse. 

This woman helped raise me. My mom and I lived with her for the first 2 years of my life, and I stayed with her every other weekend for my entire childhood and teenage years. We used to be extremely close before C came into the picture. She was my childhood hero, confidant, advocate, and teacher. It was through her that I found my love of the medical field and science. I don’t want her to suffer. I understand why she has done what she has. I hold nothing against her. The thought of losing her is unimaginably painful, but I feel that it is unethical to keep her locked away or under strict supervision for the rest of her years for fear that she might choose not to live when it is HER life. It is her choice. I have always supported the idea of physician-assisted suicide for the elderly and terminally ill, assuming the proper precautions are taken. I can’t change that opinion just because it’s my grandma and I don’t want to say goodbye yet. It’s not my life to choose. It’s not my suffering to endure or not. 

I guess I’m doing my mourning now, knowing that she doesn’t have long left either way. I will support her in whatever choice she makes, and I want her to know that without being too forthright. I have always supported her choices when the rest of the family fought her. That isn’t going to change now.