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rigelmejo · 5 months ago

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Little things I did recently:

Listened to 20 minutes of Silent Reading chapter 1 audiobook, twice. Understood more the 2nd time around. But I'm relying on remembering the plot to follow the description heavy portions. The dialogue portions I can follow almost all details, so they help me identify which scene I'm listening to. Exciting and humbling. Exciting because I CAN mostly follow the audio Drama now (i listened to a bit last week) whereas in the past I was lost with nl descriptions to orient me and limited comprehension of comversations. But humbling, in listening to the audio BOOK now, because back when I was reading modu as chinese practice I was Very Familiar with the descriptive words and the descriptive paragraphs were how I guessed what scene I was listening to (compared to chinese chapters I'd already read before and looked the words up). Where now, the descriptive words have faded from my mind, and are the harder parts to grasp the meaning of now. I think that...overall, my chinese listening is Better now than it was 6 months ago. But I can tell that the reading-only vocabulary I've picked up is much rustier in my memory, and much harder for me to recognize in listening with no hanzi to look at for reference.

Read 5 panels (chapters) of 19天. Ended up looking up 聚会 because I couldnt remember the "gather" hanzi was pronounced ju. For some reason I kept thinking it was zi like purple 紫. But no, it was ju, for gather: 聚集 gather (juji), 聚会 (juhui) reunion. Again, I recommend that manhua if you like funny, physical comedy, slice of life. It's fun, and even if you can't read something then the pictures have a lot of the comedy anyway.

Watched 40 minutes of qi hun (hikaru no go cdrama adaptation) in only chinese. NO subtitles. First time I tried watching a show with zero subtitles including no chinese subs. I've been listening to audioboks with no text recently though, so I guess I felt I might as well try a show with no subtitles. Hikaru no go is on iqiyi youtube free (still free thank goodness), and iqiyi is one of the channels that has no hard chinese subs - you can turn on english or chinese subs, but they arent pre-made on the video. It was really cool to try! 1. I understood almost every detail! I got lost when Chu Ying said some "sayings" to kid Shi Guang, and when Chu Ying explained playing go I only understood him saying the size of the board/placement number choices, I was confused about the rest of the explanation.

I didn't understand a few lines kid Shi Guang said, but he's speaking like a kid muffled and quick during those lines and I got the gist. It was really exciting just being able to WATCH the scenes, my focus not half torn on the subs. To actually hear how the lines are said, without translation changes. Some words I could guess from context like xia qi 下棋 for play go, since Chu Ying keeps saying 我想下棋。 and shi guang keeps saying to stop crying ToT. But I do think I could have guessed the parts I didnt grasp, like Chu Yings "sayings" if Id had the chinese subtitles on and saw the hanzi to help myself figure out what he meant. So I may rewatch the episode with chinese subs. But since this summer is about improving LISTENING COMPREHENSION, I am just pretty exciting it went so well. Also the show is just so comforting. Id totally forgotten Shi Guang's little intro where he explains what the show/journey will be about!

I wonder if they dubbed the show? I assume they dubbed it, probably, since most cdramas do. But kid shi guang and the other kids talk pretty natural sounding (not like trying to sound "acting" if that makes sense, with clear projected enough voices), which reminds me of To Dear Myself with zhu yilong which either used audio filmed During Scenes or instructed the actors to dub themselves speaking more realistically (i dont remember which, that show just had a Very realisticly visual audio and acting feel). Adult shi guang also has a very natural sound to how he speaks, like the sound of his voice we hear is how he would sound if talking to regular close friends.

In Japanese Glossika app, I've studied 1129 sentences, done 9137 reps (repetitions of sentences), and studied 24:39 hours. Glossika labels me in High A1 14.7%. While I've still got some significant complaints about the new glossika app japanese course, my stubbornness to complete all the fucking sentences and judge for myself how good/bad it is has definitely Motivated me to Study japanese more. I've studied those 24 hours in the past 3 weeks, so a little over 1 hour a day of studying on average. Thats way more than the ZERO time per week I was spending on japanese, and its audio so I've been able to do it with my regular life schedule.

(Truly glossikas Only Unique benefit to me is the listening mode, so I can press play and it gives me new sentences and reviews at time intervals it schedules on its own, so i do not have to put any effort into figuring out what to do next or take time away from other activities to constantly click my screen for an hour... i can just click play new, or click play review, and continue on with my life knowing I'm learning some new stuff and reviewing things i need to. If anything else fucking had this feature id jump to it instead. Clozemaster Kind of had this feature - and i paid for a while just for it - but clozemaster's Radio mode did not split new from reviews and did not spaced repetition schedule the reviews so there were a LOT of days i wouldnt hear new sentences or id review the same 300 sentences instead of different ones out of the 2000+ i had studied).

I am curious if the Chinese Glossika app course is better? I know the old cd chinese course was fairly good, as learner reviews mentioned some alternately worded things but nothing worded Wrongly. So if the new chinese app course, please please please, just used ANY of their people on staff who know chinese (like the maker of it) to human translate, then their chinese app course should be one of the app courses with the LEAST errors. Since its a language they, presumably, have the most access to human translators for. And im curious if therefore i could study using it. Or vice versa, if the new chinese app course is trash id like to review how fucking far their quality has tanked. I recognize more chinese than japanese, and i'd be able to tell within 500 sentences roughly what the error rate is in the chinese app course.

#rant #progress

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eremiie · 4 years ago

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aot 139 rant bc i dont think ppl r understanding this chapter lmao

i’ve been seeing a lot of people hate on this chapter and call it a bad ending and everything so i’m here to break it down for the ones who aren’t understanding what’s going on and think it was a shit ending LMFAO

okay so first i think the issue is that a lot of people fail to realize that the way eren acted all throughout season 4 isn’t eren really, that is him putting his emotions at bay so that he can complete something that he laid out for himself for his friends.

eren from season 1-3 still exists, and that’s lowkey the eren that was talking the whole time in chapter 139— you can see the how he cares for his friends, you can see the desperation again, the compassion, everything in between.

so lets break down these panels;

panels 1-13 consists of the whole talk with armin. eren basically tells armin that everything that happened wasn’t by will, it was laid out for him, it was the path he needed to take in order to free his friends and free ymir.

think about this— this was destined for eren from the beginning.

his plan wasn’t to have the rumbling destroy the whole earth, it wasn’t for any of his friends to die (he wasn’t even aware that some of them died), it wasn’t for anything besides for them to defeat him so that they can be free.

he sent a titan out to eat his mom because bertholdt dying would’ve fucked up the plan, he would strategically send memories down to his younger self, armin getting the colossal titan, eren telling mikasa he hated her, everything was according to plan— it was a part of the script that he needed to follow.

panels 14-16 consist of eren talking about mikasa. eren basically tells armin he doesn’t want her to move on form him, and he wants to live a long life with his friends and her. and that he doesn’t want to die.

people say this is out of character for eren— people don’t think that he has ever had feelings for mikasa, and it’s hard to see, i’ll give you that.

but people also fail to realize that relating back to panels 1-13, eren had something set out for him to do, the last thing he was thinking about was love. of course as a kid mikasa came off as overbearing, and she was, he had other things to worry about other things to accomplish— there was no time to reciprocate feelings.

that doesn’t mean he doesn’t love her, because he does, and i don’t even mean so in a romantic OR platonic way. the gist is he loves her period, and her love is reciprocated in the best way he can.

and you have to remember that eren knows he’s about to die when his time with armin is up, he’s getting frantic and desperate— everything's dawning on him, he gets a little time to actually sit down think and talk about mikasa.

eren loves mikasa whether it be platonically or romantically, and that kind of hits him in that moment, and this is coming from someone who hasn’t always shipped eremika.

panels 17-21 consists of eren basically saying to atone for his “sins” it’a only right for him to die too and that armin will be the one to save humanity.

pretty self explanatory, but once again this was planned out, eren was gonna paint the eldians to be the heros, and eren did his whole mass murder plan for their sake, not his.

panels 22-39 eren completes his mission, the curse of ymir is broken, and im sure that at somewhat the same time that he was talking to armin through paths he was sending the same message of what he was doing to everyone else— since all eldians are connected through paths. that’s how they all found out and that’s why they all resonated with eren. it needed to be let know that he isn’t a bad guy, especially with real people running around thinking he is LMAO

panels 39 and onward, everyone moves on, they’ll live out their lives with the freedom that eren granted them.

this is mikasa’s character development, she’s finally able to move on and live her life without eren. she’s allowed to mourn, she’s allowed to be sad, hell— they’re about to have eren’s funeral, that’s one reason she’s there.

i say this is her character development because the first time eren died she was ready to die herself, but now that eren has actually died she’s not trying to go out with him— she’s mourning, and she misses him, but she’s trying her best to live her life with the freedom eren granted her.

she grows out her hair again that she always kept short for eren. to me that says a lot albeit how minor that detail is.

i’m not gonna say eren necessarily got reincarnated as a bird but i’ll say that these birds we see in attack on titan represent eren, and that’s why the bird tugs on her scarf, it’s like eren letting her know that he’s still with all of them and that he’s happy that they’re happy.

it’s tragic, that our main character who sought freedom the whole entire time doesn’t get to experience it himself, but it shows how sacrifices have to be made, that shonens don’t always have to be about winning. that there are tragic heroes, and everyone has a story to tell.

attack on titan teaches you lessons, it gives you an insight on life— and if you let this ending ruin the whole series for you because you fail to grasp the whole concept, every character, and every plot element, that is on you.

so thank you, isayama for creating and sharing such a beautiful story, because this series will live in my heart forever, and so will eren— he’s such a complex well written character and it’s sad to see that not everyone can understand him.

anyways ty for listening to my rant if you made it all the way through, gn <3.

#attack on titan #aot spoilers #snk spoilers #aot 139

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freedfromthegalactichivemind · 3 years ago

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*Curiously skims the end of a long fanfic I’d actually stopped reading regularly a long time ago.* Okay, read the last two chapters, with a big gap from where I’d last let off as I lost track of the massive thing. The ending on the half-read fic kind of reminds me a bit of the ending / gist of a completely different fanfic I read all the way through, a different AU that I really liked a lot. It also reminds me of some oneshots I recall encountering having some of the same single trend among “modern�� Entrapdak-fics - the trend being a hard look / harsh handling of Catra and going with non-Catradora and “Catra is alone” (with new, unnamed friends, perhaps, but no pairing and not ending with her being with the main cast). My own stories... it seems like Catra is just kind of... there? I have done a few short fics / oneshots with a focus on her, and it’s fun to try to get inside her head, but I don’t think I’ve incorporated her heavily into anything that was fairly long / multichaptered. Early on, I liked writing Entrapta-focused stuff, then got into Hordak-focused stuff, mostly non-romantic. I used to see a lot of stuff by others which had both Catradora and Entrapdak in them seamlessly, even if one pair was focused on more than the other. And...cute double-date comics and such. Earlier fandom, pre Season 5 and just post Season 5′s original airdates. It seems like more recently, in the last year or so, I run into more stories on the Entrapdak end of things that has Catradora breakup and “Catra is held accountable” vs. Hordak being reconciled. They’re never particularly vengeful, they aren’t written as hatefics or anything, there is always a vibe that Catra will go off and eventually heal - a sort of “Catra doesn’t get the girl, she gets therapy” thing to them. Or prison - with therapy - or just wanders off and is never seen again, as the case may be. Still pretty hard, though. I understand these stories as filling a need for authors and readers, those who think that some of Spop’s arcs were handled poorly at the end and maybe especially for people who feel like they’ve “had a Catra” in their lives (negative connotation). At the same time, I find some of this bent in fanfiction a little jarring? What I mean by this is... I honestly wonder how many Entrapdak-subfandom fans are also fans of Bojack Horseman because I get a lot of Bojack-vibes from some of the more serious-bent / darker than canon fanfiction of recent vintage. Particularly, it feels like, in some works, Adora essentially gives Catra the speech that Herb Kazazz gives Bojack regarding the nature of (un)forgiveness. It is not that it doesn’t have it’s place, but it feels a little weird sometimes when paired with something which has a canon of “The Power of Love Saves All.” I am by no means telling anyone how to write their fanfiction. Prime knows that I write the darkest, bloodiest, weirdest shit sometimes for bright and sparkly canons, She-Ra included and I do like to read a variety of fanfiction... I’m just noticing something I’ve seen a lot. Maybe I’m missing some of the lighthearted “double date” stuff.

#spop #hordak #entrapta #catra #adora #entrapdak #catradora #fanfiction #spop fanfiction #writing about fanfiction writing #fandom

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lia-jones · 3 years ago

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hello once again, lia! how are you doing today? ヽ(✿ﾟ▽ﾟ)ノ i'm so glad to hear that you love my ideas for your story! you're welcome to use all of them of course, and if you want more ideas for something specific, i'm always happy to help!

~⁕~⁕~⁕~

ok so, i have some questions for you as well (and i'll answer yours below this!): 1. when is your birthday? (so i can wish you a happy birthday when the time comes (❁´◡`❁) ) 2. what's your favorite sport? (either to play, or just watch on tv) 3. what would you do if you won the lottery? 4. so i know english isn't your first language...yet your writing is amazing! do you have any tips for learning a new language? i'm thinking of picking up japanese again after exams! 5. are you a morning or a night person?

now my answers to your questions: 1. You said you had exams coming, what do you study? this one is a little hard to explain, so hopefully you understand. i'm currently writing an exam that's supposed to be kind of a "prelude" to university. the subjects i'm doing are math, physics and computer science, and i intend to do something along those lines in university (although i'm not sure what yet...)

2. What's your MBTI and enneagram? i'm an istp, and my enneagram is 5w6!

3. I assume Victor is your bias, is it? Better phrasing it, who is your MLQC bias and why? oh, my bias is definitely victor, although i liked lucien the most at first. i actually disliked victor the most at the start because i just couldn't stand how everything he said seemed to turn into an insult (and well, mc isn't very good at giving him a taste of his own medicine), but when i started doing his dates apart from the main storyline of the game, he definitely became my favorite. his personality seemed much more endearing and comfortable. all the guys are really unique in mlqc, as compared to other otome games i've played, but victor really stuck with me the most.

~⁕~⁕~⁕~

that's all i have for you today! as usual, i'm so excited to hear from you again, and i'm really looking forward to reading the next few chapters of your story (i'm very interested in seeing how victor is gonna approach telling andrea about her evol 👀) goodbye for now! have a good weekend!

- 🌸 anon

Hello my dearest!

So good to see you again! My week was utter crap, but I'm a week away from 10 days of no work, so all good! I think I got the gist of what you're doing right now, yes, and all of those subjects sound super interesting. I remember having this subject in college called Logic Applied to Linguistics (I'm a linguistics major) and being super hard, so you have to be super smart to get into any of those fields. As a forever Theory of the Big Bang fan, I secretly hope you get in Physics, it sounds really interesting. As for ideas, I love trivia, fun facts, unknown cultures, etc. I love working with them and using them as metaphors. If you have something you'd like to share, go ahead. I love it! Ok, now to your questions:

1. when is your birthday? (so i can wish you a happy birthday when the time comes (❁´◡`❁) ) Same as Andrea's, June 11th, because I'm lazy. (PS: I want to know yours as well)

2. what's your favorite sport? (either to play, or just watch on tv)

Ha, again, I'm lazy and I don't watch or do any sport besides hiking. Sometimes, I play tennis and badminton with my kids because they are both players and I want to keep them motivated. But that's pretty much it.

3. what would you do if you won the lottery?

Buy a house by the ocean and write to my heart's content. I could say traveling, buying fancy cars, yada yada, but what I really want to do is to write. And that's it. I'm easy to please.

4. so i know english isn't your first language...yet your writing is amazing! do you have any tips for learning a new language? i'm thinking of picking up japanese again after exams!

First, thank you so much. Now, advice... Immersion. Read and watch and listen to as much Japanese as you can. If you can get a learning buddy to practice and speak Japanese to daily, the better. The more you listen and speak, the faster you learn. Don't limit it to school hours.

5. are you a morning or a night person?

Morning person. I wake up naturally early and if I sleep in (like ten am, for example, which is not incredibly late) I get frustrated because it feels like I missed half of the day. Although I work pretty well after 10 pm (when the house is quiet). But writing, for example, flows way better in the morning.

I'm super stoked about the next chapters as well, and looking forward to reactions. I'm releasing the next one tomorrow and a chapter of the Keeper's Journal by Wednesday (with juicy info). These next chapters are super important for the story, because they tie up the theory and make it more understandable (while I have been basically hinting so far) so I hope I do them justice. And once again, my characters took me down a path I seriously wasn't expecting, but I must respect their wishes, so things took a small turn. Let's see what comes out of it! Thank you so much for your questions! I'm so looking forward to hearing from you soon! Lots of love and have an outstanding week!

#thank you for asking #ask and you shall receive #mlqc li zeyan #growing pains series #love and producer fanfic #mister love queens choice

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stayarmytinyzenmoa-l · 3 years ago

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hellooo! is it okay to ask for a few tips? ive been working on an original story for years now (i started it 7 years ago oof) and im stuck rewriting from the start over and over again because i felt like the concept is cliche

the farthest i got to write was chapter 7 lmaooo (and it was just the introduction pf the characters phase)

buuuut the main problem is, i know the story and how the ending goes, the plot holes, backstories and all that but i dont know how to write the middle 😭😭😭

do you have any tips for outlining the story? and possibly how can i progress in the story?

thank you so much 😭❤

Under the cut cuz this one's a very long answer

Ooooh yeah of course! I definitely know where you're coming from, I have two stories like that too! Both of which have been, *shudders* ten years in the making 😵‍💫 (one of which I'm converting into fanfiction here!!) But yes oh god the rewrites!

My first tip for that is that it's easy to feel like a story you've been working on forever is cliche or repetitive considering you've been working on it for so long. And don't read this wrong, it's always good to reread and revamp certain parts and passages to your liking, but it's also easy to get caught in that rewrite trap. My go to is to ask someone to read it, get yourself a beta reader, per se. For me it's my best friend, for others it could be actual beta readers, and so on!

But yes, oh god, I understand the slow pace it takes to write these, especially as you grow older and mature, your writing style and your understanding of certain topics change and so does your narrative. Although, 7 chapters to introduce characters is interesting, I'm intrigued! They must be well fleshed out then!!

Let's talk about outlining first! When you outline a story, it's good to start at the beginning and then the end, which sounds like you already did! Now think of your main conflict, what's the pathway your characters will take to resolve it? Do you have any sub conflicts? Add those into your outline too. When outlining, don't make it too detailed. One sentence only as to what's going to happen. For example, my Original Zemblanity outline literally starts with "YN gets trapped in the Sector" and the next one is "YN meets Kun, an inmate who lies about being an inmate." Don't think too hard about the details of the outline, it should just be bare bones so you can easily change it if needed (and that's okay if it does! Don't lock your creativity to one possibility!). Once you have your outline are pretty and everything, then you can flesh out those bullet points and add more flavor to them!

Quick shout out, I use the program Twinery for all my outlines. It's actually a program for visual novel games, but I find it so helpful. Here's a quick screenshot of a bit of my Without a Trace outline, the chapter overview, and a bit of a text box with the details of that overview for an example:

Anyway, onto your main problem. Knowing the gist of your story and how it ends is perfect, you know your end goal and you know how to achieve it kind of thing. Sounds like you're following the three arc structure (First Arc: Introductions, establishing your plot and conflicts and other relationships; Second Arc: The tedious middle; Third Arc: The thrilling conclusion). When following this, it's good to keep in mind your small tidbits of information. Think of it like an extension to the first arc of introductions. I have some ideas for the middle, so let me bullet point it out!

Develop your conflict | Why are your protagonists doing this? How is the conflict relevant to them? I can't stress that enough, your conflict has to be relevant to your characters in some personal level, that's their motive for going out in the first place. In my fic series [Without a Trace], the group of vigilantes fight the Charlatan because that villain is slowly killing off and taking control of people they considered as friends, it's tarnishing their already ruined name because of the vigilante ban. They want to be seen in good light and they want to honor their fallen friends, so they have to hunt down and bring the Charlatan to justice. With that said, you can take this middle part to really flesh out why your characters care so much about this conflict and what they are hoping to gain from it.

Develop your characters | Growth, Development, and relatability. Your characters can't just be one sided, they can't just adhere to a moral code, they should fluctuate sometimes to make them real. For example, a lawful good hero (Think Hawkeye) will often be faced with the hard choice of someone they care about over the masses. If they stuck to lawful good, then they'd go with the greater good. But, they can fluctuate, and instead go to the person they care about. If you've established a character as, I dunno, a barista at the beginning of your story, explore why. Are they broke as a joke? Okay, why are they broke? Do they like coffee? They do? Why? And so on so forth. This filters directly into all of my other points too, relevancy. How do your characters respond to the conflict and how do they respond to each other? What's the problem solving process like and what's their morals?

Develop their relationships | It's nice to have a good cast of characters, but they're only accessories to each other if their relationships aren't fleshed out. In this case, let's talk about two instances:

Your characters are meeting each other for the first time | Okay so what brought them together? Let's use [Covalence] as an example. Our deurtagonists met because they ran into each other at the same café after coincidentally having the same class prior and their relationship builds from there. It's slow, it's rocky, they're getting to know each other and establishing boundaries with one another as they get to know each other. In cases like this it's nice to follow their journey in understanding one another. YN understanding Kun's home life, for one, and Kun understanding YN's previous relationship for another. These two fundamentals of each character is what builds their interactions and adds that room for exploration for the middle.

Your characters have already known each other prior to the story starting | Let's use the [Original Zemblanity] as an example for this one. All the inmates obviously knew each other before they knew YN and it was clear through their interactions alone what their relationships were like aside from info dumping and, what I like to call, writer-splaining. Let's use the most obvious example of Dejun and Yangyang who very clearly don't get along. It's clear from how they interact with each other that not only is it largely one-sided, it's also from a place of trauma. As the story progresses, we learn why exactly it is that Yangyang could never forgive Xiaojun and we learn why Xiaojun, although he understands, makes no move to defend himself. In cases like this, it's easier to reveal certain aspects of relationship and hash out as you go along your narrative

With that said, back to the main point. You likely already established these understandings back in Arc I: The Introductions. Just develop upon them and give it more life and more character and, suddenly, you have 5K worth of middle story.

Develop your world (In a Modern Sense) | If writing in a modern setting, this is easy. You can pull on already understood details of settings and romanticize or terrorize them. A cup of coffee on a table can be equally horrifying as it is comforting if you know how to write it. For example, envision a coffee cup on a table. What's around it? Who put it there? Does your character drink it or warm it up? I'll describe it in two ways with different tones and this will establish different things (hopefully)

I brushed my hands through my hair while I walked out into the kitchen. Lorraine must have left the house already, the room was spotless save for the coffee mug on the table. Dark roast and black with two sugar packets next to it and a note adorned with that cursive writing of hers: 'Good luck on your midterm <3' was all it read with a short 'XOXO' at the bottom.

I closed the door quietly behind me, not wanting to disturb Lorraine, if she was still here. The floorboards were cold under my feet while I walked to the kitchen. Everything was in order, as if untouched, save for a mug on the table with a note. It was cold, it must've been sitting their for a while now, and the two sugar packet's next to it were left in a hurry. The note read a simple 'Good luck on your midterms <3 - XOXO' and nothing more.

Develop Your World (In a Fantasy/Sci-Fi Sense) | If writing hard fantasy or hard sci-fi, put yourself in your world of creation. How would you live? Let's say you live in a DnD esque world. Monsters run about, different races and species live as equals, and so on so forth. Imagine your house first. Knowing you live in an area that could be target to a monster's wrath, what precautions would you take? Would you put up high walls so they couldn't go in? Would you keep a forge at the back of your house? Your bookshelf, what's on it? Although it may seem like adding these tidbits of information and making long winding paragraphs on description is rather excessive, I promise you it's not. It adds vibrancy to your novel and helps with immersion and escapism. And, this part's important, there is a subtle and appreciated beauty in implied storytelling, reading between the lines and drawing conclusions that can only be done through these windy descriptions and seemingly mundane events. Here's a little shameless excerpt from one of my decade novels (as I lovingly nicknamed them)

The Market itself was crowded, there wasn’t a place where one wouldn’t be bumping shoulders with another, and it certainly did not help that there were Enforcers at every corner. The stalls were crammed against each other with no room in between. Vendors were shouting left and right, trying to get anyone to buy their products over their competition. Most, if not all, merchants came from the other colonies and they all sold what they claimed to be the best from their native colonies.

From this, hopefully, a few things are established. It lays the foundations for what the significance of The Market is in this world and society. It's busy, for one, lots of people go there and so many people pack into this area that a large number of law enforcement is present at a given time. It establishes the law system being one that's large enough to allow this kind of behavior. It establishes that there is a booming economic system. And so on, so forth. Let's look at another example from the same novel

“Shit!” Catherine catches the object that was ejected. It looked foreign and unfamiliar, almost like something that came out of the Directorate of Thoughts and Sciences. Maybe a scrapped experiment, or something of the sort. Catherine saw that it was mechanic at the very least, a system of cogs and springs were visible on its structure. Its handle seemed to rest comfortably in her hand, and beyond that handle was a barrel that connected to a thin tube. The object was somewhat heavy in her hands, signifying that the object was quite durable.

This is kind of killing two birds with one stone. Characterization of the protagonist Catherine and characterization of the world around her. A keen eyed and deep thinker should be able to piece together that the object she's holding is, indeed, a gun, but she doesn't know that. Why? Are they not common in this world? Nope. And the Directorate of Thoughts and Sciences, it's easy to infer what it is from this passage alone and from their name. They're an innovative institution that specializes in restoration and research.

These examples, I hope, provide some ideas and some help as to how to build the "Tedious Middle."

I hope this all made sense and I wasn't just rambling aimlessly to the point where it all got muddled ahhhhhh but if you have any more questions, just shoot me another ask and I'd be happy to help!!!

#asks #anon

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sokkadora · 4 years ago

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tattooed heart; an ellie williams x fem!reader

chapter 3: a cold morning

masterlist here.

part summary: a tad bit of backstory on how joel, ellie, amelia and you met, seth being annoying, y/n and dina escapades, ellie apologizing for the kiss.

trigger warning: none .... i think

a/n: enjoy! and please check out my book safety net on wattpad! my account is @/CATRAMITYS <3333

- ☽ iii ༓ iii ☾ -

life in jackson could be described as fairly easy - slow and consistent. the people who were living there never actually left and there weren't many people that would move into the city. most people you've known since they were the ones living inside the walls ever since you had come there.

some of the children were born there, yet most of the people came to the settlement as the time passed, seeking protection from the fireflies, infected or bandits. and so far, so good. the settlement was started by maria, tommy's wife, and her father a long time ago. when tommy left the fireflies in search of a normal, peaceful life, he ran into wyoming, finding this place. before their hard work, it was quite hard to manage - they needed to protect the settlement, build walls around it and make sure the people in there were safe, yet the young married couple was way more ambitious.

they wanted to make the old hydroelectric power station work again and that was one of the settlement's biggest projects to date. and to the wonder of everyone, they made it work again, so jackson had a stable supply of electricity almost every day. except for huge storms, which you all were waiting for to end sitting in the dinner, telling each other stories in the light of candles and so. these occasions were fun.

the city was independent - you had your cattle, horses, hens, and pigs, you had women who could sew clothes and make fabrics, you had a few men who were capable of making a gun. also, your mechanics were capable of making a few old cars work if the things would get really bad. in spring and summer, you always made sure to harvest vegetables and fruits, hunting throughout the winter mostly. you had a school and a kind-of-a-cinema when you were bored. for existing in a post-apocalyptic world, jackson was fairly normal.

and though you never got to know your parents, you had amelia. this lady was pretty old in the time she found you — she wasn't that kind of a brutal survivor who would bash someone's skull, twist her knife inside someone's body, or shoot them dead. she was the quiet traveler who was purposely avoiding big cities, who was traveling through woods and walked among rivers to see where her road will lead her. from the moment you bumped into each other, you became friends. family even. but once you got bit, she almost shot you. until she found out you were immune.

you and amelia didn't know what to do, but once amelia caught word of an old man and a 14-year-old immune girl traveling to the fireflies in salt lake city, you two went to find them. it took a few months to find them, the two of you almost giving up after taking shelter in what you thought was an abandoned apartment in pittsburgh.

SUMMER OF 2033:

"y/n, in here." amelia called for you quietly, gesturing to the apartment inside. you nodded, glancing behind you before quickly moving inside and locking the door.

you let out a sigh of relief, readjusting your ponytail and checking out the apartment. amelia jumped in front of you, pulling out her handgun, "get behind me, sugar." she whispered, softly moving towards the bedroom where she heard noises.

once she opened the door, the two of you aimed your guns at the people inside, two dark skinned boys, one around your age at the time and an older man with a red haired girl also around your age.

"amelia, they're not bad." you say, lowering your gun slowly to look at them better. the older woman glances at you before putting her gun down too.

the young man steps forward with his hand outstretched towards you, "i'm henry, who are you?" he asks nervously, glancing

you look up at him, then glance at amelia. she nods, signaling that it's okay, "i'm y/n." you respond with a small smile.

henry grins a bit, gesturing to the others, "we all just met but, this is joel," he starts, gesturing to the older man in the flannel, "this is ellie, and this is my little brother sam." henry finishes, gesturing to the girl and the boy.

"amelia and y/n." amelia introduces, gesturing to her then you. "sorry for the, uh, abrupt entrance. we thought this apartment was empty." she laughs nervously, fidgeting with the hem of her shirt.

"no worries. we were about to head out anyway." henry starts, beginning to walk out. "wait, would you two like to come with us?" we're planning on getting out of this city tonight."

you and amelia look at each other before she turns her head towards the henry again, "i don't thi—"

"amelia, c'mon! safety in numbers, remember." you remind her, crossing your arms over your chest and looking at her knowingly.

the woman scoffs and shakes her head, looking at her lap for a moment, "fine, okay, we'll join you guys."

upon leaving the apartment, you, sam, and ellie began to talk to each other. once you found out she was 14, like the immune girl, you went up to amelia while you were waiting in henry's "office".

"amelia, can i talk to you for a second?" you whisper to her, gesturing to a quieter spot. amelia's eyebrows furrow in confusion as she looks away from the outside to you, nodding.

once in a quieter spot, you tell amelia your hypothesis about ellie and joel, them being the two you’ve been searching the country for, "no, no way. they're probably just father and daughter."

"don't daughters usually call their fathers dad instead of their actual names?" you ask her, irritated while your arms fold over your chest. amelia stares at you blankly, hands resting on her knees. "this is the man and the immune girl we're searching for, amelia. we have to tell—"

"guys?" a voice calls into the room, making yours and amelia's head shoot towards the sound. it's sam. "henry says it's time to go." sam tells you two awkwardly.

amelia sighs heavily, rising from her place on the desk and looking at you, "you and i will finish this conversation later."

that conversation never went as well as you hoped, you and ellie finding out that you both are immune in the radio station during a slow game of truth or dare. neither of you knew what it was, but henry gave you the basic gist of it.

ellie was thrilled to know she wasn't the only immune person, and she wasn't alone in that area. after losing henry and sam the morning after, you four headed off to find joel's brother, tommy in wyoming after finding a car.

after finding tommy and heading to the university of eastern colorado, things only got more rough from there. joel and amelia both got impaled, barely making it out of the science building alive before getting on their horses and passing out. resulting in you and ellie panicking before getting yourselves together and finding a nearby town to stay at for the winter.

during that winter, you encountered david, and his friend carl. you and ellie almost lost your lives after getting captured by them, then joel and amelia swooped in saving you and ellie from becoming the monsters you both fear.

the rest of the journey carried into the spring, you, joel, ellie, and amelia becoming much closer during the time from winter to spring. once you all got to the firefly hospital and joel and amelia found out what the cost for the vaccine was, they saved you and ellie.

you both had become to loved and valuable to them, neither wanting to bear the loss of another child. and they lied to you both to keep you safe. so after they took out most of the fireflies in the hospital, including their leader, marlene, you all headed back to tommy's, to jackson.

you and ellie both stopped the elders before entering jackson, "hey, wait." ellie called, looking to you for a bit of comfort.

amelia and joel turned around, looking at the two of you. you bit your lip as ellie started talking, "back in boston — back when i was bitten... i wasn't alone." she reveals, glancing between joel and amelia.

"my best friend, riley, was there and she got bit too." ellie tells everyone.

"and i was with my best friend, carly." you tell the group, fidgeting with your fingers. "we didn't know what to do. so, she says 'let's just wait it out. y'know we can be all poetic and lose our minds together. we're still waiting for our turn."

"then it was tess." ellie states, fidgeting with her fingers anxiously.

"then henry and sam—" you continue the statement for her.

"none of that is on you." amelia states, stepping a bit closer to you and ellie.

"no, you don't understand." ellie says sadly, rubbing her face.

joel suddenly steps forward, "i struggled for a long time with survivin', and you-" he briefly clutches his watch. "no matter what, you keep finding something to fight for. now, i know that's not what you want to hear right now but it's—"

you shake your head, looking away before turning back at joel, "swear to us." you interrupt, looking between the two adults seriously. "swear to us that everything that you said about the fireflies is true."

joel and amelia look between you and ellie with a hesitant look, "we swear." she says to you two, placing a hand on joel's shoulder.

you and ellie take a pause, processing everything before looking back at amelia and joel, nodding, "okay." you say together.

MARCH 2ND, 2038:

that was how you got into jackson. the first months there were pretty weird to you - the city had rules, schedule and they gave you food every morning, midday and evening, calling it breakfast, lunch, and dinner. the first week, you spent with vomiting since your food wasn't used to eat regularly. it was also pretty hard trying to trust strangers before you realized they don't mean you any harm. amelia was immediately capable of working at their farm with their animals, while you were getting the jobs like cleaning up mess or help in the kitchen - which meant that you didn't see each other that much.

- ☽ ♡ ༓ ♡ ☾ -

but after last night you and ellie went your ways after the talk with joel and amelia. there were many exchanged glances as she walked you home although you insisted you were fine. when you stood in the doorway of your house, ellie kissed your cheek before waving goodbye shyly.

a knock wakes you out of your sleep, groaning as you sit up and walk to the door, "just a minute! geez." you call out, walking to the door while scratching the back of your neck tiredly.

once you open it, you see dina. your other best friend, "hey dina." you yawn, squeezing the door handle as you look at your friend who's already dressed. "oh shit-"

"yep. hurry up and get ready, stupid." dina grins, stepping inside and sitting on your couch as you head into the bathroom with a new set of clothes. "maria also wants to talk to you."

stepping out of the bathroom, you reload your pistol and grab your switchblade that joel made you, "alright, dina, let's go."

she nods, opening the door as both of you step out into the cold air, "are joel and amelia up yet? or ellie?" you ask curiously.

"tommy and amelia went out early for patrol. something about a herd or infected up north, i don't know where joel is, and ellie, is still asleep. like ellie." dina tells you as you nod in understanding, chuckling at the last part of her sentence. "are you four... good?"

you glance up at her, sighing, "yeah, i guess so." you shrug, looking away and itching your nose.

once you and dina get downtown, she leads you into a restaurant, "this way." she says, motioning towards the nearly empty restaurant.

once you two enter, dina walks away to socialize with the others. you glance at her anxiously as she just smirks, shooing you in maria's direction.

"hey, y/n! over here!" maria calls from across the bar, making you groan and walk over unenthusiastically.

you walk to maria, "yes?" you ask, rubbing your face with your gloved hands.

"seth has something he wants to say to you." maria tells you, glancing towards the kitchen.

you glare at maria, irritated, "i don't wanna hear what that bigot has to say."

maria looks at you with an unreadable expression, "do it for me, please?" she asks gently.

you scan her face over, and sigh, resting your foot on a small crate, "fine."

"seth! seth, come here." maria calls towards the kitchen.

"fuck me." you mutter under your breath, as you look up.

seth walks out of the kitchen sheepishly, with something in his hands, "hey. look last night, i was drinking too much." seth starts, making you scoff quietly.

"sure." you say in disbelief, crossing your arms as you rest your right leg on the stool next to you.

"i'm trying to say i'm sorry!" seth exclaims, getting more irritated with you. "maria tells me that you and dina are heading out." he tells you, making you glance back at dina. "i made you two some sandwiches." he reveals.

seth places the sandwiches on the bar counter, giving them a pat before scooching them towards you.

"okay." you mumble, staring at him awkwardly.

"they're steak." seth informs you, gesturing towards the sandwiches you haven't taken yet.

maria gets tired of the awkward silence as she takes the sandwiches as she shoves them into your chest, "thank you, seth." she says assertively, scaring seth back into the kitchen.

turning around with the sandwiches, you bump into dina, "what've you got there?" she asks curiously as you shove the sandwiches into her hands.

"some... surprisingly decent looking bigot sandwiches." you scoff, dusting off your pants while looking around the outside room.

dina lifts them to her nose, taking a whiff, "they smell absolutely scrumptious." she says in a fake posh accent, making you laugh as she secretly throws them away.

"come on you two, time to go." maria calls from the doorway of the restaurant, gesturing to the outside. "y/n, i need to talk to you for a minute before i head back inside."

you stop next to maria, gesturing for dina to go ahead without you as she closes the door, "are you amelia and joel good?" maria asks quietly, making you roll your eyes. "they seemed to be in a better mood this morn—"

"we're fine maria." you interrupt her, your eyes closing in annoyance as you're getting tired of this question.

the blonde woman puts her hands up, "just wanted to make sure. i worry y'know." she chuckles, bringing you into a short embrace. you nods, pulling away, "go find dina." she tells you heading into the restaurant as you head on your way.

you find dina and overhear how she's about to start a snowball fight with a bunch of the kids. you sneak up behind the kids, snowball in hand. dina glances up and spots you, making you put a finger over your mouth to shush her. she looks back at the kids, egging them on as you come up and headshot a girl named, isabella.

this made the kids go feral, sending them to one side of the playground as you and dina hid on the other side, laughing your asses off.

you and dina played with the kids for around fifteen minutes before you heard ellie's voice. you turned around and saw jesse, waving politely at him before returning to the game.

"dina! come on! you and i are paired for patrol today." jesse calls out to his ex, making her roll her eyes before heading out of the playground, following jesse.

"hey, y/n! can i talk to you?" a familiar voice called, you turn your head to see ellie. you smile and wave at her before putting the snowball fight on a pause so you could talk to her.

"hey." you say breathlessly, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear.

"hey." ellie responds awkwardly, tapping on the wooden fence.

"i just wanna say sorry for ditching you after the... thing last night." ellie apologizes, making you tilt your head in confusion.

"oh, no, it's okay. i totally get it. i- i just- i felt bad." you tell her, looking at her apologetically while fidgeting with your fingers.

ellie shakes her head lightly, "why?"

"because, i started the whole thing and i... i just shouldn't have kissed you in front all those people and—"

"no! it's okay, you were drunk." ellie says, laughing off the light embarrassment.

"well, still i don't want you to think—" you start before ellie interrupts your once more, making you chuckle lightly.

"no, i'm not reading into it or anything." ellie tells you, making you shake your head.

you look up at ellie, smiling softly, "you know what i love about you?" you start, making ellie blush a little. "how you let me finish my sentences."

ellie chuckles, shaking her head, "alright. well, we should probably get going." you nod, before a snowball nails ellie right in the shoulder. "ow!"

you turn around angrily, glaring at the kids, "what the fuck?!" you exclaims at them, making them giggle.

"i'm not even playing!" ellie yells at them.

"cause you're a chicken?" one of the kids yells out, making the rest taunt ellie playfully.

"i hate those kids so much." ellie mutters to you irritated, making you look at her mischievously.

"you wanna fuck 'em up?" you ask evilly, giving ellie a side glance.

ellie looks to see if anyone's coming before nodding, "yeah, i do." ellie leaps over the fence as you both start playfully shouting at them.

"you asked for it!" you yell at them.

"you better run you little shits!" ellie exclaims, you and her taking cover behind a structure.

the game was the first to ten hits wins, it took you and ellie a minute, but you beat to little shits 10/3.

"no fair!" isabella whines, wiping the snow off her coat.

you spread your arms out victoriously, "eat it shrimps! how's it feel?" you brag to them, making them all run up and tackle you. "you'll never get away with this!" you yell happily as they dog pile on you before ellie comes and rips one off.

"get off of her you little monsters!" the red haired girl exclaims, making them scurry away before helping you up.

"i guess i asked for that huh?" you ask your friend, heading towards the gate.

"yep." she deadpans at you, making you smile. you both exit the playground, heading to the stables. "so, jesse wants us to do the creek trails. he's gonna relieve amelia and tommy."

"oh, okay. that's nice he assigned us together." you tell ellie, greeting the lady at the front of the stables. "you're gonna like this one."

someone yells to you and ellie they'll take your horses in so you can grab them. yelling out a quick thanks, you head over to grab your horse, moon. walking to the east gate, you pet his neck, greeting him.

"look who decided to join us." jesse tease you and ellie, making you roll your eyes.

"ha ha, you're so funny." you tease back, elbowing him gently in the side and taking your rifle from him.

"open it up!" he yells up at the gate keepers. "settle down. alright. you all know the drill." he assumes, looking to all the patrol groups. "run your routes, mark your logbooks, clear any infected you see. you run into anything you can't handle, you come back." jesse tells everyone. "be smart about it. alright, get going."

you and ellie glance at each other with a small nod, getting on your horses and riding off towards the creek trails.

#the last of us #ellie williams #the last of us part 2 #joel miller #tlou2 #gamingedit #the last of us 2 #tlou #tlouedit #elliexreader #oc #joel x reader #dina x reader

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practicingmedicine · 3 years ago

Text

Practicing Medicine: Chapter One

(+)1

It was eight o'clock in the morning, and Sheriff McBain had just been shot.

There weren’t no lights, no sirens. No outward signs of urgency anywhere, save for the frantic telephone call I’d received just seconds ago and my own bounding heart rate.

It didn’t take me long to pull on my pants or step into my boots. Even with my shaking body, I moved with a sense of purpose, each action a step in a subconscious routine.

Buckle up my pants, lace my boots, grab my glasses, disconnect my Pip-Boy from the outlet, clip that bad-mama on and get it running…

The black screen turned a vibrant green color as I clicked the power button, lighting up my dark room. These were the words on the screen:

PIP-OS(R) v1.0.3

LOADER V1. 1

EXEC VERSION 41.10

32K RAM SYSTEM

16811 BYTES FREE

HOLLOWTAPE LOADED: “THE-SCIENCE-OF-UNCERTAINTY”

INITIALISING….

SUCCESS!

> STATUS

Battery Level: 100%

Wireless Signal: (?)

Operating Temperature: 90F

> HEALTH

BP: 150/120

SPO2: 100%

Temp: 98.5F

RR: 25

HR: 160

> TIME

Day: 25 September 2279

Time: 08:01

> CLIMATE

Current Temperature: 78F

Atmospheric Pressure: 753 mm

Background Radiation: 0.231 RAD

---

I couldn’t read much, so I wasn’t sure exactly what each of them meant, but I got the gist- I knew exactly what I needed to know. I threw open my door and strode into the hallway, grabbing my father’s white coat off of a hook along the way. I slipped it on over my shoulders as I strode up to the front door, where my faded orange doctor’s-bag lay on its side. Before I threw the strap over my shoulder, I made sure to quickly button my coat and pull my green tie tight around my shirt collar, because my father told me that a doctor should always look his best. I hefted my bag up with one hand and pushed the door open with the other.

The morning sun was bright in my eyes. It was hot outside, about 97 Fahrenheit if my pip-boy was telling me the truth. Not that it mattered- I was used to the heat, and my patient was inside the air-conditioned Bison Steve’s Hotel. I didn’t give it much space in my head.

I started to sprint, skirting the corner of my neighbor’s house and running out into the main square, heavy bag swinging wildly in my aching right hand. As much as I wanted to have time to process all this, to stride up all slow and confident like father had taught me, I didn’t have the time. It could be a matter of seconds deciding whether or not the Sheriff survived.

I was starting to feel kind of dizzy, like you do when you’re fixing to vomit. The Hotel was just up ahead now. The big “Bison Steve’s” sign flickered eerily as I walked up to the double wooden doors, which I pulled on at least three times before I remembered that they were push doors. A rush of cool air washed over my skin as I stepped into the building, and tried to regain my composure. I cleared my throat.

“Alright- Alright y’all, listen up: My name is Isaac Saller, and I am a medic! ” I shouted. There was silence. “‘I’m empty holstered, so please don’t shoot!”

That may have been a bad idea, in retrospect, but it was all that I had planned for an active-shooter type deal. I didn’t deal well with confrontation.

The front hall and the reception desk were abandoned, but the lights were on. I stepped through the next set of propped-open doors and into a dark hallway, where a pretty blonde woman was cowering, holding onto a wall-mounted telephone. Her red face glistened with sweat.

That would be Mrs. McBain.

“Oh my god, Isaac! Come here, quickly- I think my husband is dying!” I power-walked to catch up with her, then tried to keep up a comparable walking pace. Which was kind of hard, given my height; I was still, “between hay and grass ,” my father would have said.

“Could you tell me what happened?” I asked. The words felt so strange to say out loud. I’d practiced what I’d do in a real emergency, but now that it was actually happening, I couldn’t believe that I was actually falling into my routine, just like I did for everything else. Must not have seen any other option.

“Well, the boys- Beagle and my husband, right, they were doing firing drills! But then the shooting stopped and my husband started airing his lungs, just shouting something awful. And when I ran in to see what happened, I saw that Beagle had shot him in the leg!”

And, there was the story. I let out a sigh of relief; here I was worried that I might be dealing with some crazy psychopath! Though, the more I let myself think on it, an idiot like Beagle with a gun started to seem just as dangerous.

“Does he still got the gun?” I asked, approaching one of the four doors to what had to be the firing range. The familiar scent of gunpowder stung my nose as I cracked open the rightmost door, and peered into the massive, open room. I didn’t see nobody, but then again, my vision was so awful that my patient could’ve been right in front of me. Mrs. McBain brushed through the doors.

“No, I made him put it down!” I nodded and entered the room.

As I stepped through the doorway, another smell drifted in after the first- a sharp, metallic smell that hung in the air like some sort of leaking gas. Subtle, and not quite so intimately familiar, but I recognized it right away; the acrid smell of blood rubbed on skin.

“Hey Doc, come on in--the Sheriff is lying over here,” said Deputy Beagle, waving his iron about. I flinched.

“Holster that!” I shouted back, “I’m not going to do anything until-“

“Beagle! You put that thing down right now or I’ll shoot you myself!” Shouted Mrs. McBain. Beagle made a dramatic sigh.

“Fine. But, you know it was an accident, and it ain’t like I’m gonna do it again.” He tossed the gun aside. The cocked, loaded, cold-steel weapon hit the ground hammer-first.

The ensuing, “BANG!” was, no kidding, the second loudest thing I’d ever heard.

“Goddammit!” Beagle shouted, and Mrs. McBain screamed and dropped to a crouch. I just sat, stunned, staring at the gun and trying to think again. It was like my mind was a Television set, and someone had just thrown a brick through the screen; An all-encompassing static crept over my senses.

“Isaac? Isaac, are you alright sweetie ?” asked Mrs. McBain, over the loud ringing in my ears. I nodded.

“I’m okay ,” I lied. I kept nodding. “I’m okay, I’m okay, I’m okay…”

“You sure don’t look okay,” said Beagle. He was too close to me, way too close. I took a deep breath and pushed him back a little bit.

“I’m good! Where’s the Sheriff?!” I looked around warily. My eardrums were still bubbling, but I was starting to be able to hear myself think again. I had apparently dropped my medical bag on the floor, but it hadn’t opened up or spilled.

“Jesus kid, can you not turn your head on your neck? Over there, sitting against the support beam!” snapped Beagle, motioning towards the wounded Sheriff with his whole upper body. I felt like yelling back but I didn’t. I just gave him a quick nod and stumbled over to the fallen Sheriff.

The bright red pool beneath Sheriff McBain’s thigh had already begun to clot into ketchup-like clumps. As I got closer, I could hear him muttering to himself, though I couldn’t understand what about. I dropped to a crouch beside him, opened my bag and rooted through it til I found myself a pair of gloves. I had to work to get them on with how sweaty my hands were.

“Hello, Sheriff! Can you understand me?” I asked. He smiled up at me.

“Hey! You’re Isaac, the um, the Gambling-Place owner’s son. Uh, Casino! Yeah…” He trailed off. In my head, I started going over my ABCs, because apparently my mind was too overwhelmed to do anything but stick to its beaten-path routines.

He could speak, so his Airway was patent. I didn’t have time to properly test his Breathing, but it sounded fast and a little shallow. That was par for the course, which left me with the real problem, his Circulation- that’d be the bleeding.

“Alright, Sheriff, I’m going to take your pants off. Tell me if it hurts much,” I said, unbuttoning and unzipping his trousers. They got snagged up on his shoes, so I started pulling harder. He just laughed as I pulled them off.

“Actually, I don’t feel much of anything in this leg! Just like I got punched, and now it’s burnin’, sorta.”

That was good. It meant that the bone probably hadn’t been fractured, and I wouldn’t need any med-x. I always kept an emergency syringe of the stuff, but I was reluctant to actually use it on anyone.

Once I’d gotten his pants off, I touched his leg. It was cold and wet. I’d assumed shock, based on the bigass blood pool, but I could be dramatic like that; This was solid confirmation. I was going to have to work fast!

As I searched around in my bag for a tourniquet with one hand, I held up the Sheriff’s leg up with my other, so that I could see the wound in the dimly lit firing range. The hole wasn’t big. At least, not the entry- just a red, penny-sized oval near the base of his thigh, surrounded by bruised skin and seeping out blood. Like a bloody little volcano.

The exit wound, on the other hand, was massive . A jagged hole right under his ass with flaps of skin hanging loose around it, spitting out a torrential amount of bright red blood with each beat of his bounding heart. Based on the color of the blood and the way that it was coming out, I knew that the bullet had nicked or severed his femoral artery. I also knew that I probably couldn’t repair that with forceps and bandages alone. The best thing I could do would be to stem the bleeding, and get a stimpack as quick as possible.

Of course, that presented a little bit of a problem: See, stimpacks are awful expensive, so carrying them around wasn’t always an option for a man like myself. As of now, I didn’t actually have any of them-things in my jump-bag. Some places ‘round here had one in a box on the wall, but I didn’t see none in here, and I’d have noticed one in the hall if there’d been one. I cursed under my breath.

“Go and get me a stimpack!” I ordered. I had finally found where I kept my tourniquets without actually looking into the bag, though if I had any sort of presence of mind, I would have been embarrassed at how long it had taken me. I pulled his shoe off, and slipped the tourniquet on over his leg.

“I’ll fetch one from the kitchen!” replied Mrs. McBain, and I nodded to let her know I’d heard. Now that I had a stimpack on the way, all I had to do was keep the Sheriff from kickin it until I could apply the damn thing.

Easier said than done.

“Why are you squeezing me? You taking my blood numbers or something?” The Sheriff asked, as I pulled the premade tourniquet tight and started cranking on it. I tried to smile.

“I’m not taking your blood pressure, sir, I’m putting on a tourniquet. It’ll hurt, but you’ll bleed a lot less.” When I couldn’t tighten it anymore, I took out another tourniquet, and fastened it right above the first one, against the base of his thigh. It was a good thing that the Sheriff was thin, or I’d be having some issues about now.

“What are you doing? He could lose his leg that way!” shouted Beagle. When I kept on tightening the second tourniquet, he hit me in the back of the head- not so much to hurt me as to get a reaction out of me. I didn’t give him one. “Hey, are you blind and deaf? I’m talking to you!”

“Stop it Beagle! Isaac is a good… he’s a good kid,” insisted the Sheriff, his voice growing weak. I finished cranking the tourniquet, and touched the Sheriff’s ashen forehead. He looked like he’d stuck his head in a drinking fountain, with how much he was sweating...

“Could you try and talk with me, Sheriff? I’m gonna try some more stuff, try to keep you from going into decompensated shock.”

The Sheriff looked confused. He squinted up at me with teary eyes.

“Shock? You mean, the reason why it don’t hurt? I’m pretty sure I’m already in shock, but I ain’t- I ain’t shocked, you know. Like, I know what’s happened. I got my mind about me ,” he grumbled, tapping his head conspiratorially. I removed a few packets of gauze from my bag and tore them open.

“No, I mean when your organs stop working cause your blood-pressure drops and they ain’t getting enough blood!” Finally, I finished packing the exit wound tight with gauze. I started putting pressure on it.

“Oh. Huh. Well, you doctors ought to stop having so many words that mean- that mean all different things,” the Sheriff replied, his breath passing his lips so quietly that I was worried he might have fallen unconscious. I stopped moving.

“Sheriff?” I asked. When he didn’t respond, I reached into my coat with my free hand, and pulled out a small metal tinderbox full of a reddish powder. I waved it under his nose.

“Wake up, Sheriff!” I shouted. He started coughing and looking around wildly.

“Ah, Jesus Christ, what the hell is that smell?” I slipped the box back in my coat.

“N-H-Four, sir! It’s supposed to keep you awake!”

Of course, it wasn’t doing a very good job at it! Before I was even done speaking, the sheriff had puked all over himself and slumped forward. I grabbed him by the shoulders and shook him vigorously.

“Keep them eyes open Sheriff! Stay with me here!” His eyes fluttered.

“You know, I like your voice! It’s like, you talk like a teacher, but then you got your daddy’s cowboy-thing going on, so it’s sort of funny…” he muttered. His head hung limp on his neck. I let him drop to his side, and focused on applying pressure to the wound again.

“Um, Isaac?” I looked over my shoulder. Deputy Beagle was standing above me again, clasping his hands together. I wasn’t so good at reading emotions, but I’d seen enough pre-vomit patients to know that he was feeling sick. He had spoken so quietly, which was strange considering how loud he’d been before. “Isaac, Is he gonna die? I thought that getting shot in the leg didn’t kill people. Why’s he acting like that?” I sighed.

“I sure hope not. But, there’s a big red-pipe in your leg, and if it gets hit, you bleed a lot. I don’t know what the hell I’m supposed to do if I don’t get a stimpack soon!”

As if on cue, Mrs. McBain came rushing into the room, her dress all bunched up and full of miscellaneous medical supplies. Among the heaps of things I didn’t need, I could see a stimpack poking up.

“Isaac! I brought a bunch of things, I don’t know what’ll help and what won’t, but-”

Suddenly, Mrs. McBain stumbled, and her makeshift pouch came unfurled as she threw out one hand to catch herself.

Aw shit! I dropped everything and ran towards Mrs. McBain, interposing myself between the unsecured, falling medical supplies and the floor. Packaged Band-Aids, bottles of pills and ointments, a pair of scissors- it all went tumbling over me and I didn’t care, until suddenly I saw the fragile old stimpack teetering on the edge. By now, Mrs. McBain was trying to recover, but she was only making matters worse. The supplies were spilling out both sides now, and she was getting dangerously close to just dumping it all on top of me.

The stimpack. That was the focus. I shot out my hand to try to grab it, but I only succeeded in tipping it off it’s balance point, causing it to tumble back into the pouch.

I sat up, and all the supplies that had landed on me spilled back onto the floor.

“Don’t-“ I started, but she had already slipped and let go of the other side of the pouch. I cried out as it all went spilling on the ground.

“The stimpack!” I looked down, and found that through some unchecked reflex, I had caught it on my outstretched thigh. I blinked.

“Huh,” I said, and snatched the needle off my leg. I rushed back over to the Sheriff, who was unconscious and drooling. Beagle was sitting beside him, pressing hard on the entrance with his bloodstained hands and muttering to himself.

“Kurt, you can’t die- I’m, I’m just a deputy, if you die I’ll have to handle this whole town myself, and you know I can’t do that! Please, please don’t you die, please-“ I took a knee beside Beagle and his brother, stimpack in hand. Beagle was crying.

“Am I- am I doing this right?” He asked. I nodded.

“You are doing just stupendously! Just keep doing that!” I replied. I lifted up the sheriff’s leg, tore out all the gauze and probed around with the needle for a minute, until I’d found the deflated husk of his split femoral artery among all of the slick yellow fat and ground-beef looking shit in his leg. I didn’t have much light to work with and it was pretty well buried beneath the gory chaos of the exit, but I knew it when I saw it- despite the tourniquet, the top end was still spritzing out bright red blood with each passing heartbeat. I took my forceps out of my bag, which already had some fishing-line and a hook wrapped around them, and got to suturing the split ends together. The artery kept on pulsing out blood around the edges as I passed my hook and line through it’s thick middle layer.

‘Moment of truth, Isaac,’ I thought, as I squared off my suture. I picked up the stimpack again, prepped the needle with my shaking hands. I took a deep breath.

In the dim light of the firing range, I stuck the pipe.

The freezing cold from the reaction chilled my gloved fingers halfway to the bone. Had it worked? Would it hold? I had no idea. It wasn’t squirting blood no more, so I snipped off the end of the suture and pulled all the fishing line out, then started suturing up his ragged exit-wound, so that the ends of the skin were facing upwards. I didn’t even bother squaring off the end before running a stimpack along the seam. Once his thigh had sewed up along an ugly white line, I pulled all the fishing string out, because otherwise I was just asking for it to get infected. I still had a little stimpack-juice left, so I moved Beagle aside and shot the rest of it into the tiny-little entry wound, to sort out any of the leftover internal damage.

More time passed in silence. I knew it wouldn’t matter, but I loosened and removed the tourniquets to feel like I was doing something. My ears were ringing, blood was soaking into my pants like syrup, but I barely noticed- all that mattered now was if he was going to live, or if he was going to die. I was just going to have to have faith now.

“Is it working?” asked Mrs. McBain. I checked the Sheriff’s pulses, noticed that some warmth had returned to his skin...

Pulse is already stronger , and I can actually get a femoral. I sighed with relief. “It’s working. Pressure’s up.” A few more seconds passed. “I doubt he stopped perfusing to his brain for long, so his head should be fine, if you’re worried about that. He’s gonna need a ton of fluid, though, and he might need some more help with that leg-“ I started, but then Mrs. McBain wrapped her arms around me and pulled me into a tight hug. Once I was over the initial shock, I hugged her back.

“Thanks,” I murmured. Mrs. McBain laughed.

“You saved my husband, Isaac! You saved his life!”

I nodded and tried to free myself from the asphyxiating hug. Unfortunately, Mrs. McBain was a teensy bit stronger than me. “I don’t even know how to thank you. Do you want caps? We- well, you know we aren’t rich, but we have a tin of caps hidden away under the floorboards!” Still struggling in vain to free myself, I shook my head.

“No- no, Mrs. McBain, I don’t want no caps! I just need you to work with me here for these next couple weeks to get your husband healthy again. I mean, he just caught a bullet, he’s gonna need some help getting back to normal...” I was lying about the caps. I would have loved caps, considering how much I was hurting for supplies. But I also wanted to establish that I didn’t charge for my services, and Mrs. McBain had a way of inadvertently spreading that sort of information.

“Oh, but I can’t just let you go back to work like that- look at you, you’re all filthy!” she said, finally releasing me from the hug. I stumbled back and fell onto my rear. “Why don’t you come over to our house- You can get those clothes washed, and I’ll get you some lunch. And a shower too, what would Penny say if she saw you like this?”

Well, I couldn’t disagree with her on that count. Just hugging Mrs. Mcbain, I’d gotten spots of blood all over her dress. Momma had already had to warn me about tracking blood in the house before...

“Alright,” I said. The ringing in my ears was tolerable now. I was starting to be able to think straight again, even if I was still shaking and sweating like hell. I noticed that Beagle had offered me his hand.

“Um- yes!” I said, pulling off my glove and allowing him to haul me up to my feet. He held on real tight to my hand and looked at me with an expression that I couldn’t parse.

“I owe you one, Isaac. I know that this is my fault, and that I’m not always nice to you, but I- I really do appreciate this. I don’t know what I’d have done without my brother.” I tried out a smile. Beagle smiled back at me, and it almost made me forget how much of a prick he’d been when I was a kid. Almost.

“Water under the bridge, Beagle,” I replied. I thought about winking, but I once made a girl run away from me when I tried to wink at her, so I held off.

“Isaac, sweetie-“ I turned around. Mrs. McBain was standing in the doorway. “The door’s unlocked, why don’t you come back to the house first? We can lay my husband down while you wash up.”

I considered. The sheriff seemed stable enough for that proposal, but no one else seemed to quite understand the extent of what he’d just suffered, or the long road that lay ahead for him. I mean, hell, he’d had his leg blown open, lost a third of his blood, and then had a stimpack injected right into a central artery! There were some things I wanted to take care of before I attended to myself.

“I like that idea, but can I borrow one of you to help me finish sorting out Beagle first?” I asked. Mrs. McBain looked at Beagle.

“Beagle, seeing as how you’re the one who shot him…” she started. Beagle put his hands above his head.

“I’ll handle it, ma’am. What should I do?” I raised my hand.

“We’re gonna try to get him on a mattress, if we can. Start him on some Saline and get him drinking water when he wakes up, the stimpack and his body will sorta work together to replace all that blood he lost. He’s going to be in a lot of pain, so we’ll have to give him morphine when he wakes up. I’ve got powder and IV’s with me,” I said, trying my best to cover all my bases without over-explaining. Mrs. McBain started to walk away.

“Alright! You two do what you have to, I'll be getting the house ready for him.” she said, and disappeared through the doorway. I looked at Beagle.

“He didn’t hurt his back none, right?” I asked. Beagle shook his head. “Good. I’m gonna grab his legs then, you grab his arms- let’s get him on one of them cots over there, then move him from there.”

He nodded. We grabbed a hold of the Sheriff’s limbs.

“Alright. Three, two, one-”

[+]

#fallout #fallout fanfic #fallout fanfiction #fallout fandom

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morosoro · 4 years ago

Text

Reuben

Chapter 20

Summary: Reubens happy little Valentine’s Day bubble pops the moment he gets home.

Ao3 link here

He came home after school to find two visibly upset Scottish women taking tea on the sofa as his boy crawled about on the floor playing with a stuffed rabbit toy. Playing was a generous term, actually, Neal was more so just dragging it around and giggling as it moved each time his hand did. Quality entertainment for a baby, Reuben was sure.

He avoided the scowls from the older women as he crouched down to play with his son, gently taking the rabbit and making it wave to him. The babe giggled at that too. Oh what simpler times, when your happiness would depend on whether something moved or not. Reuben longed to be in the child’s place as Glynis cleared her throat.

“The Hatters called us yesterday.” She supplied.

Reuben huffed a sigh. He was getting tired of people asking about Jefferson. He’d had to answer several people today when asked, and not once had it been met with the aloofness he thought it deserved, Yes, they had a fight! It didn’t seem like a very big deal to him! “Yeah? What about it?” He asked.

“Mrs. Hatter informed me that Jefferson are no longer friends? That you told him to stop acting like himself? Now she didn’t explain precisely what happened, I get the impression she doesn’t know her son as well as she should, but Edith and I got the gist of it. And we are immensely disappointed. We thought we raised you differently.” The women told him, jaw set firm and spine rigid in her discontent.

“What? In the two months I’ve been here? Yes, a lot of raising done on your part.” He replied sardonically.

“You say that as if we weren’t pivotal caretakers of you since birth. You know full well we brought you up just as much if not more than your parents did. Now I suggest you start explaining yourself.”

“We had a disagreement. So what? It’s hardly the end of the world!” He was instantly in a sour mood as soon as this conversation had begun. He was so done having to explain himself to people who refused to understand. Even Belle had been upset with him when he told her what had happened in full. She’d told him he was in the wrong and that should apologize. He had thought out of all people she would’ve understood where he’d been coming from. Now his Aunts seemed to be antagonizing him too?! How come nobody could just give him the benefit of the doubt or see his side?!

“It was more than a disagreement and you damn well know it.”

It’s not like he’d really meant anything he said anyways. He just didn’t like the implications Jefferson’s words had set on the table. Jefferson needed to be taught a lesson, that’s all.

“Okay so I got tired of the jokes. I’m sorry that I don’t want people thinking I’m a bloody buftie who's shagging a dude behind his girlfriend's back.” He sneered, fed up of the conversation already. “I’m sorry for setting some god damn boundaries. In all honesty I think that if he were really my friend and not just hopeful he could ‘turn me queer’ or whatever then he would respect said boundaries.”

Edith gasped at his language, still remaining silent. Glynis’s glare only hardened. “You sound an awful lot like yer father saying words like that.” She said coldly.

His head whipped over to look her in the eye, bewildered rage taking root. How could she say that?! “You take that back!”

Glynis stared right back at him. “Or what? You’ll call us auld hags? Stomp around and break things?” After a beat of silence where he said nothing in preference of continuing to fiddle with his son’s stuffed toy, the woman continued. “Oh? Ignore us then? Your father liked to do that too.”

He stood to his full height quickly, discarding the rabbit as he went. He gestured sharply as he shouted. “Shut the hell up! I’m nothing like him!”

His son started to cry, obviously startled by the loud volume. He froze, staring down at the scared little boy in alarm. Oh no… what had he done? Had he hurt him- he didn’t think he did… but then again he had tossed away the toy pretty carelessly. Had it hit him? No! The idea made him sick.

Could he really be turning into a copy of his father? Was this proof?

Before he could think to reach for his son to try to comfort him, the boy was picked up by Glynis instead. “I wouldn’t be so sure, the lines seemed quite blurred lately.” She hissed in response.

“Glynis- please!” Edith pleaded, her expression softer but still troubled. “Give the lad break? He’s been through a lot lately.”

“That’s no excuse for bigotry and slurs! Did you not hear him, Edith? ‘Buftie’, ‘Queer’? Doesn’t that upset you?” The other woman asked, sounding incredulous.

“Well, yes…” Edith agreed before pausing to sigh lengthily. “But I’m also aware that he’s in a very tough spot. He’s still only a boy, see… He’s bound to have bad days and ugly moments. We all are, Love.” The other said, calm but firm. “ Besides, shouting at him and making him feel like shite won’t get us anywhere productive...”

Still holding the sniffling child, and with her jaw still set Glynis also sighed heavily through her nose. She seemed to calm slightly before deciding “Fine then, you deal with him. I’ll be taking Neal for a stroll down the paths. I suppose I could use some air.”

Edith nodded. “I think that’s best, dear. Thank you.” She then looked at her still visibly angry and hurting great-nephew. “Why don’t you go to yer room? Put on a tape, read a book… calm down some? I’ll come up and speak to you before dinner, Aye?”

Reuben, with clenched fists and hunched shoulders, let out a grumbled “Fine…” before hurrying his way upstairs.

—

He was only a couple chapters further into his copy of ‘Lord of The Rings’ (borrowed off of Moe, actually. The man had recommended it to him a couple of weeks ago) and the chorus to Genesis’ ‘Land of Confusion’ was playing when there was a knock on his bedroom door.

Sighing, he paused his cassette, marked his place in the book and called for the person to come in. To no surprise, Edith entered, and she had brought more tea for the both of them.

She sat herself on the foot of his bed and offered him the mug, he accepted it and took a sip. They sat in silence for a moment before she finally decided to speak. “You know lad, it doesn’t matter how upset you are, it’s never okay to be disrespectful.”

He stayed quiet, only grunting over the rim of his mug in response. She continued. “But we’re not going to talk about earlier today. Glynis and I are older than dirt, we’ve heard it all. We can take it. I want to talk about what happened with Jefferson.”

“We had an argument. What more is there to talk about?” He responded lowly.

“Why?” She asked. “Why were you arguing with him?”

“Because I was sick of the gay jokes.” He answered. “The ones that implied… stuff. I’m no feckin’ fag and he can’t bloody turn me into one!”

The woman let out a hissing sound, as if she had be burned. “See, what we’re not going to do is use terms like that.” She told him, stern voice in place. “Like Glinnie and I have both said, upset is no reason for disrespect.”

The teen was once again quiet as he sipped his tea again. The woman moved ahead in the conversation. “A person cannot ‘turn’ gay or straight. They either like the same sex or they do not. And it is not a bad thing to be that way.” She explained.

“Sure, okay… whatever.” He replied. “It still doesn’t fucking matter. He crossed a line and it made me uncomfortable so I told him to knock it off. That’s it. I don’t see why everyone’s making such a big deal out of it!”

“Because you hurt his feelings. And I think you knew what you said would hurt his feelings. That’s not okay, Reuben. You need to understand that.”

“I get it!” He barked. “I was just upset, okay? I lashed out. It happens…”

“Then it sounds like you need to work on controlling yourself. Maybe start by thinking things over before you say anything, like why Jefferson’s jokes upset you so much in the first place.” And with that she got up to leave again, throwing a casual “Dinner will be ready in an hour.” Over her shoulder as she went.

After the door shut behind her and he was by himself again he let out a frustrated growl. After setting down his tea, he drew his knees to his chest and raked his hands through his hair frustratedly, head hanging low. Why was he like this? Why was his anger like a light-switch? This was definitely something to bring up with his therapist next time.

He sighed then as he made a small connection in his head. Dr. Hopper had told him last time that he ought to take time for himself to think and figure things out and work on ‘self-improvement’. Edith had just told him to do pretty much the same thing. He glanced to his nightstand where the crinkled pamphlet-turned-coaster sat, and after a moment’s consideration, he reached for it, taking it out from under his mug. He turned to the second page.

‘Ask yourself ‘Why?’. Contemplate response. Consider your reasonings. Repeat.’

Why did Jefferson’s Joke upset you?

“Because it made me uncomfortable.” He mumbled.

Why did it make you uncomfortable?

“Because… I could picture it?”

Picture what?

‘I’m straight!’

‘So is spaghetti until you get it hot and steamy.’

‘Hot and steamy’

Hot and steamy...

“Fuck!” He growled out, tossing the pamphlet away. “This is bloody stupid! I’m not getting anywhere!” He told himself as he rubbed at his eyes, trying to will the unwanted images away. Seriously, what the hell was wrong with him today?! He hated it. He hated himself.

It was hard to believe today had started out so lovely, with his girlfriend in his arms and a promise ring in question.

“I need a nap.” He decided. “A long one.”

———

Doctor Hopper was a strange individual. The kind of man that made Reuben wonder how his son Archie had become… well… Archie. Guys like Archie tended to have strict, straight-edge, academics-obsessed fathers. The type with the big glasses and button-down shirts that they tucked so neatly into their khakis. They were a vision of who their sons would become, but not Doctor Hopper.

No, Doctor Hopper was more laid back. Yes, he wore khakis and button downs but in a much more sloppy-casual sense. His hair was long and he wore a cowboy hat atop his head. He didn’t tip-toe with his words, he just spoke freely from his thoughts (and his degree, hopefully). He was also just odd enough for Reuben to believe he’d likely had a few run-ins with the law in the past. Yes, Reuben could definitely see this man scamming people of their money, or being picked up off the street where he lay a drunk… or something… fool. And yet this man was somehow his therapist and he was supposed to trust him and his advice. It was certainly a peculiar situation.

They currently sat opposite each other, Reuben on a large leather sofa, and Dr. Hopper laid back in the matching armchair. The latter was having a cigarette as he listened to his patient’s concerns.

He puffed out a measured stream of smoke before speaking. “So, basically, you’ve been acting like a cunt to your friends and family and you don’t know why?”

“Uh…” Reuben shrugged his shoulders awkwardly. “Yeah?”

“You just freak out when you feel targeted? As in you just suddenly feel like you have to defend yourself… but really all you're doing is spewing shit?” At the teens nod the therapist took another puff, answering with his exhale “Sounds like anger issues to me, kid. Probably got it from the alcoholic disgrace you call a dad.”

Reuben huffed a worried sigh. “So what? You think I’m going to wind up like him?”

“Nah, unlikely.” The man responded with a dismissive wave of his hand. “You both have issues and bad trauma, but yours is just…” he mimicked the sound of an explosion. “Different. That stuff really shapes a person. You’ll be fine… or well… as fine as someone like you could be.”

Someone like him? He wondered what that implied. He didn’t want to ask. Instead he focused on the positive. “You think so?”

“Yeah, kid. As long as you keep trying to get better, hell yeah! Anger issues? No problem kid. We can manage that with just a bit of work.” The adult said before taking another draw.

Curious, Reuben asked him “What kind of work?”

“Thinking. Self-help work, kid. You know about it, it was in the pamphlet. First off, why do you think you were acting like a cunt in the first place?”

Running his hands through his hair, Reuben groaned. He should’ve known. “Because my friend was making jokes that I didn’t like. They made me uncomfortable.”

“Okay, but why?” The man prompted him to expand on it.

“Because they were implying something that I didn’t want to be implied.”

“So it’s something you’re insecure about then?”

That gave Reuben a moment’s pause. Was he insecure about his sexuality? “.... no?” At least he didn’t think so.

“You don’t sound sure about that.”

Fuck.

He huffed, frustration growing. “What do you mean? I’m definitely secure about it!” He snapped.

“Whoa man-“ the therapist warned. “Don’t go acting like a cunt on me now. I’m just trying to help you figure this out.”

The teen pinched the bridge of his nose, frustrated with himself more than anything. “I know… I’m sorry. I just don’t know why it upset me.”

“Then you just gotta think a little deeper about it sometime. But don’t try to rush it. Take your time to figure you out, Y’know?”

“I-I guess?” They were quiet for a moment before he asked “What do you think the reason was?”

“Hey, I can’t really say for sure, I’m not in your head. But to me it just sounds like the jokes just hit too close to home. He hit a nerve, something you're insecure about and don’t want to address. Whatever it is, you should probably address it before you try to apologize to this guy. You do want your apology to be as genuine as possible, right?”

Confused and practically in a stunned silence, he realized the implication his therapist had just made. He only swallowed thickly and nodded, squeaking out a broken sounded “Yeah, right.”

#ouat #once upon a time #fanfic #rumbelle #Rumplestiltskin #high school au #80’s au #this is my ventfic

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nctwd127 · 4 years ago

Text

Arranged Marriage.

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Warning: A pinch of soft smut (?)

Word Count: 3072

Yuta didn’t care if I was going to respond to what he said, he said what he had to say and that’s all that he cared about. He gave me one last look and carried on into his room, making sure that the slam of his door echoed.

I stayed there for what felt like forever, not sure what to think. How was I supposed to react to him telling me he still loved me when I know I didn’t feel the same way? How am I supposed to make things better for him when I was the problem?

Are we supposed to stay married like this?

Back in my room, I changed into more comfortable clothes and got into bed. Lucas and I talked for a bit after I got home and told him what happened with Yuta. He felt some kind of way but he keeps reminding himself that Yuta needs time to process all of this.

After we talked, I laid in bed staring at the ceiling feeling exhausted but sleep wasn’t coming to me. So many thoughts and fears were running through my mind that it was starting to make me anxious. I wanted to sleep so bad so I grabbed my pillow and blanket and made my way downstairs.

I decided between sleeping in the living room or the library and chose the library. It was warmer and it felt easier to spend the night there, like I have before. With the lights of the kitchen and the hallway being off, I carefully made my way to the library.

Once I was inside, I set up the couch and felt myself start to get lost in the comfort of my blanket. The warmth weighed down my eyelids heavily that when I heard the door open, it didn’t make much of a difference to me.

“Why are you sleeping here?”

“Nightmares.” I mumbled, falling into a deep sleep.

The peacefulness seemed to have lasted forever and the warmth around me seemed to be never ending. I cuddled myself more into the blankets, not wanting this moment to end. It was comfortable and the smell of the soft detergent filled my lungs with happiness.

I heard movement around me and for a second I thought I was having some kind of nightmare until I slowly opened my eyes. There was more light than usual and I didn’t understand why. I wiped away the tired from my eyes and opened them fully.

Much to my surprise I wasn’t in the library but in Yuta’s room, laying in his empty bed under his covers. I didn’t understand or remember how I even got here? I was almost sure I fell asleep in the library, no?

“You’re awake.” Yuta’s voice sounded behind me.

When I turned to look at him, he was sitting on his desk facing me. He had a soft look on his face and for the first time, he didn’t cover it with a cold look. It felt almost weird looking at him and not seeing the usual look.

“How did I get here?” I asked, sitting up and pulling the covers to my chin.

It was a reflex at this point to curl into myself whenever he was around me because I was scared that my presence would bother him. So when he sat at my feet, I pulled my feet more into my chest and tried to make myself smaller.

“I was in the kitchen with the lights off getting water before bed when you passed by and scared the shit out of me. I saw that you had your pillow and blanket, so I figured you were going to sleep in there like you have before.”

At the end of his words, our eyes met and there was a clear shock in mine. With everything that’s happened, sleeping in my bed has been difficult. Some days it would be too much for me and so I would come to the only place I knew that would make me feel better, the library.

I was surprised because I wasn’t aware that he knew that I was sleeping there. But I guess I should have known that Yuta is always keeping an eye out for me, no matter how things are between us.

“When I asked why, you said you were having nightmares again. And I couldn’t find it in me to leave you like that so I brought you here.”

Yuta watched the way his words affected me and he felt relieved when I softly smiled at him, “Thank you for taking care of me in a moment like that. And for the other night as well.”

“Of course.” He answered with a soft smile on his own lips.

I pulled the covers off my body and moved myself to get off his bed. My legs were hanging off the side of his bed with my hands resting at my sides. It felt like I was waiting for something and I wasn’t even sure what it was.

The room was silent and when his hand landed on mine, I realized what I was waiting for. I was waiting for him to talk to me. To tell me something I wanted to hear but just like he waited for me to tell him something he wanted to hear, it was never going to come.

There were feelings between us that couldn’t be corresponded and we ran a chance of that never happening again. And that was a reality that we had to accept, that he had to accept. Because I already did.

“(Y/N)…” My name coming from him in such a hushed whisper hurt, because I knew he was hurting just saying my name. But there was nothing I could do to help him.

“I don’t want live like this with you anymore. I don’t want to ignore you every time we’re in the same room, I don’t want to argue every time we talk to each other.”

We looked down at our hands and it felt like there was something more lingering in the air and it started to feel hard to breath. There was a faint feeling in my chest and it scared me to think that I could start feeling something I had to painfully forget.

“I don’t want to either Yuta. I’m tired of always being like this with you. But I don’t know what we’re supposed to do.” I answered truthfully, not taking my gaze away from our laced hands. I watched the way his thumb stroked my hand and his fingers gripped my hand every now and then.

I looked up at him and even if he didn’t remember, I know I did and the way he looked at me now was the same way he looked at me back then. He wore his heart on his sleeve for me and only me.

A Month Later

My life was slowly starting to get back to normal.

Classes began again and we were this close to finally graduating and that was an amazing feeling to have. The first week was beyond stressful, with all the amount of work I had to focus on and just trying to keep myself sane with being out of the house as much as I was again.

Hendery, Lucas, Ten and I were back to normal, in some kind of sense. We did our normality of meeting in the parking lot in the mornings and afternoons, we still had lunch together. After the first week of rushing back home to be in my comfort, they convinced me into coming out a little at a time with them.

Eventually it became the normal again, to be out and about with them. Especially with Lucas again. And that was the most refreshing thing for me, to be in the comfort of Lucas. To be in his home and in his bed, in his arms cuddled and to be asleep without nightmares.

But things were starting to feel a little different between us now. A kind of different that wasn’t good. And we both knew that but weren’t talking about it, we were ignoring it and acting like everything was normal.

And that started to put a strain on us because I wanted to make things better, we both did but that was out of our control. There was nothing we could do because at the end of the day, what was affecting us was that I was married to Yuta.

The same Nakamoto Yuta that was doing everything he can to get us back to where we were before all of this. To the way we were before he lost his memory. But it was hard to do that when he still hasn’t fully remembered everything.

I was trying my best trying to help him but it was hard too when I knew that my relationship with Lucas was on the line. When I knew that things would change if he remembered everything, my life would change all over again if he actually remembered everything the way I did.

Yuta was suffering from having broken details as memories, it was driving him insane not knowing what to do or what to even think. He got the gist of pretty much what happened. But reading the words and having the memories said to him, wasn’t the same as actually remembering them.

He loved me still and he wanted nothing more than to just go back to that. And that’s what pulled me apart every night, knowing that I wasn’t there anymore. I couldn’t bring myself to open that part of myself again.

I grieved what I had too when this happened eight years ago, I put it to rest and I gave up. I buried that deep within my heart and I swore that I would never open that part of me again. And I meant it, that accident broke me, every part of me.

I owed it to myself to move on and be happy again with someone else. That someone else was supposed to be Doyoung but then Yuta happened. And now I wanted to be with Lucas and as much as it pained me, I wasn’t going to let Yuta get in the way of that again.

Yuta needed his grieving too and I knew that, I knew all of that and I was tired of everyone saying that too me. But I can’t do anything about it! He doesn’t fucking remember! Am I supposed to force the memories back into this head?! Am I supposed to turn back time for him?!

I can’t do anything, I am just as useless as he is in this situation. And that was the most upsetting thing to know. That there was nothing we could do to make this better.

Until now.

It was Friday night, I finished my shower and was now looking over some notes for a test on Monday. I looked at the time and realized it was already late, it was a quarter past midnight. I closed my book and started getting ready for bed because I made plans to meet with Lucas in the late morning tomorrow.

The lights were dimmed down, because I couldn’t sleep in the dark anymore, and I was pulling the covers off my bed when there was a knock on my door.

First came one and then then two, followed by three. I walked over to my door, confused as to why Yuta was knocking on my door at this time at night and in such a hurried manner. Almost as if it there was something wrong.

I opened the door and before I could ask he was knocking like that, he rushed inside and cupped my face. Startled, my hands automatically came up to his chest and pushed slightly.

“Yuta, what’s going on?” I whispered feeling his heavy breathing hit my face. His eyes were blown out, it almost looked like he was in frenzy. His hair was messy and his forehead had small traces of sweat, he must have been sleeping.

Sleeping and having a memory of us play over.

“I need to remember you.” He said before he brought his lips to mine.

Even though everything was spinning, nothing was processing and nothing was making sense, my lips still responded to his. We were in sync and it was when his tongue came out to lick my bottom lip that I pushed a little harder on his chest, “Wait, what?” I breathed out when he detached from my lips.

“I need to remember (Y/N).” Yuta begged, holding my face tighter to pull me in again and rested his forehead against mine. This time he waited for an answer instead of attacking again.

“Okay.”

He connected our lips again and my hands wrapped around his neck, pulling him in more by the hair. His hands left my face and went down past my waist and to my ass. He groped me before he lifted me up and wrapped my legs around his waist.

My back met the door behind him and I felt him press himself into me, trapping me in between. His tongue came out to lick my lip again and this time I let him in. Our noses bumped when our heads moved to the side to deepen the kiss.

Our tongues mixed and mingled, savoring the taste of each other like it was the first time. And it truly felt like the first time again. The feelings, the passion, the fire burning between our bodies.

The lack of air was becoming too much but neither of us wanted to pull away. This was a feeling we haven’t felt in forever now and we wanted to take in every bit of it, I know I did.

I felt myself slipping down the door a bit so I pulled myself back up, forcing my core to grind against Yuta’s growing hard on, causing the both of us to groan into each other’s mouth.

He pulled away first with a nibble on my bottom lip, “Fuck.” He trailed kisses down my neck and started an attack with his teeth sinking into the sensitive skin. The pleasure and sting of his bite, made a gasp fall past my lips and goosebumps explode all over my body.

The make out session and now this, I started to feel moisture in between my legs. And I knew that Yuta could feel it through my thin shorts and his thin sweats. He started to grind into me now that he was fully hard.

I moaned his name softly in his ear while I pulled at his hair softy, “Don’t stop please.”

He looked up at me again and connected our lips once more, pulling me away from the door. With our tongues down each other’s mouths, he laid me on bed and settled himself in between my open legs. My hands never left his hair and his left my ass to place them on either side of my head.

With a solid surface under us, he started to grind harder into me. All the moans that fell past my lips were swallowed by his tongue. One of his hands moved from the bed, down to the hem of my shirt, tugging at it.

“Can I take this off?” He asked pulling away enough to see my face. I nodded yes and he gently pulled it over my head, throwing it somewhere on the floor once it was off my body.

Shivers went down my body and I quickly crossed my arms over my bare chest when I realized that this was the first time I was going to be intimate again after what happened. And suddenly all of this felt scary again.

Yuta looked down at me and quickly noticed something was wrong, “What’s wrong? Did I do something wrong?”

I closed my eyes and nodded no, “It’s just that… this is the first time since… since you know.” I answered feeling the tears burn behind my eyelids. My fingernails dug into the skin of my arms where I was holding them, hoping that would stop the flashbacks from coming through.

A good part of me starting blocking out that memory, knowing that I never wanted to talk about it again, never wanting to relive that moment in time again. And that’s exactly what I would achieve if only the flashbacks would stop.

They would happen suddenly, triggered by the smallest things sometimes. The smell of his cologne would be enough to force my body into a panic and force all the air out of my lungs. The memories of that forsaken day always break me down to my core and throw me into a frenzy of isolation.

Thankfully the boys and Yuta are always there for me when that happens. They sit outside my room and talk to me until I’m comfortable enough to come out to them again. Some days it would take longer to bring me out but they were patient.

And when I do come out, they showed me more love than the first time and definitely more than the last. It was a never ending cycle of love and I just hoped that one day I would be able to repay them for half of what they have done for me.

“Do you want me to stop?” Yuta asked caressing my cheek, his soft touch bringing me back to the moment we were in.

I opened my eyes and looked at his, “No, please don’t.”

“I won’t hurt you, I promise. I’ll take care of you.” He assured me coming down to peck my lips, “Tell me to stop whenever and I will.”

And suddenly it was the first night we shared together again. The words he said now, were the same ones he said that first night. I was nervous and scared but he was my rock, he took care of me even though he had no idea what he was doing either.

He was doing it all over again, taking care of me when I needed it most. And for that, I loved him, then, now and always.

“Tell me you want more.” Yuta mumbled against my lips, his hands pulling mine away from my chest and bringing them back to his neck.

“I want more.”

Masterlist

~~~

I am truly so sorry for the lack of updating recently. With work and other things going on, it's been hard to post the days that I'm supposed too. Hopefully I'll be able to get back on track soon enough.

With that being said, I am unfortunately not going to be able to post in two weeks because I will be out of town. So as of right now, the next chapter will be up in three weeks.

But in the mean time, please do enjoy this chapter and feel free to leave any feed back, thank you.

Thank you so much to everyone for the support.

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mitsunari-sama · 4 years ago

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Ikemen Ouji - Yves Kloss Route Translation

A/N: So I have decided to post Yves’ route that I have translated so far here. I tried to translate to the best of my abilities. Please understand that Japanese is not my language and I am still learning it so if there are any mistranslation in the chapters, please ignore or kindly let me know. Also I am not translating the route word to word, I am just writing the basic gist of the events so the words I have chosen may be different from the other Yves route translation. I will work hard to translate better from now on and post as frequently as possible. However, This was a lot of fun and Cybird has outdone itself again with Ikemen Ouji.

ps: this post includes chapter 1 & 2.

Ikemen Ouji - Yves Kloss

Chapter 1

Yves encountered mc after the meeting and told her that because she is a commoner he does not think she is fit for the role of belle. And that she won't make a right decision. He said she's a commoner so how is she going to make such a huge decision that involves an entire country? So he will overlook her decision making processes.

He expected mc to be offended but instead she said she was glad to get his help.

(I don't catch what happens here for about a sec.) Then mc notices nokto coming down the stairs of the hall and places his elbow on yves' shoulder "saying that mc is pretty girl and he's very interested" to which yves gets angry and tells him not to do that and that nokto is a vulgar man.

Nokto then flirts with the mc and she is slightly uncomfortable. He has his hand around mc and asks her if she busy now. Yves gets angry and pulls mc away from him and tells nokto to behave himself. Nokto says to Yves that this is the time to have fun with mc because otherwise he won't get the chance after she chooses the king and that is in the clause. Yves gets offended that he would ever stoop so low to have interest in common birth woman and this part of the clause does not affect him. This entire time mc has no idea what they are talking about and says she does not understand what they both are implying.

Yves and nokto are shocked that she doesn't know what they are talking about. Then mc takes the to the thorn room where she signed the contract for being a belle. Yves is applaud that mc signed the clause without even reading it. Mc said she was tired and the contract was so long to read that it would have taken her the whole night to finish it. Yves tells her that she's in problem because once you sign the clause if she does anything that is against the contract it will end in severe punishment. Mc is a bit stressed now and she admits she should have read the clause.

She notices that the last clauses #99 that says "once belle chooses the King she is against to ever seeing him ever again" is a new addition to the contract and asks why. Nokto said that it's easy to explain it was added after the previous belle fell in love with the king and it cause a lot of confusion in the bureau and that belle too was of a common birth.

Mc feels sad that such a clause had to be made and the previous belle was the one before her for the king that just died implying. Nokto says bitterly that they are all half brothers so this doesn't effect them because the king never loved any of the prince's mothers. This implies that maybe the king was also in love with the previous belle. Yves says that even if the king now is dead he still shouldn't talk like that about him.

Yves laughs and adds that none of this will matter because he will never fall in love with mc. To which mc adds that that's right and all she has to do is not fall in love and that is easy. Although she feels sad inside because the reason she chose to be belle is because she wanted something in life where she can move forward but this clause forces her to go back to her mundane life. Nokto laughs and says he will see this development.

Yves says to mc that he will escort her to her room now but before leaving he turns to her and jokes to not fall in love with him. Mc huffs and says that no such thing will happen and to rest assure. Nokto is very amused by their exchange.

Chapter 2

Mc's bedroom

The next morning mc hears someone knock on her door. She was asleep at the time and got up when she heard the knocks. When she stands up from her bed, Yves barges in the room and asks what she has been up to and that he came to see her as promised he made to her yesterday. Mc did not understand and yves tells her why does she looks like that and why she hasn't gotten ready. Mc tells him honestly that she just woke up from sleep when yves knocked on her door and yves goes "I. Cannot. Believe. This!" Yves tells her how is she going to pick a king if she's going to spend half a day sleeping!?

Yves tells her that being late as belle is punishable according to the clause and mc panics. Just then her stomach growls and Yves sighs. Mc is blushing out of embarrassment. He tells her that she can't get any work done and he should silence the monster in her stomach. He tells her to get ready and come down to the dining hall for breakfast and not to be late this time and immediately leaves!

In dining hall mc arrives to a fest that was ready for her and she is shocked. As she eats her breakfast, yves is having his salad. Mc thinks to herself how yves is so graceful. He has long lashes with porcelain doll like face. She also notices how gracefully he eats his salad and mc is awestruck thinking how yves looks like he came out from a painting.

Yves comments that if mc stares any longer she will make a hole in his face. Mc looks away embarrassed and tries to change the subject by saying that she noticed how it's only the two of them and she is wondering where the others are. Yves adds that they all had breakfast together a long time ago but mc missed it due to her carelessness and tardiness. Mc replies that it was mean of yves to say that.

Yves ignores her and says that Leon's fraction always has breakfast here together every morning. However, Chevalier's fraction only sometimes comes here to eat and not all of them together. Mc remembers what Sariel has told her yesterday about Leon and Chevalier's fractions and that they make the decisions now that the king is dead. Yves asks if she knows what he's talking about. Mc tells him that Leon's fraction that handles all the domestic affairs made up of Leon, Yves, Jin and Licht while Chevalier's fraction that handles the foreign affairs is makes up of chevalier, clavis, Nokto and Luke. That's 8 brothers divided into two fractions.

Yves says he's impressed by her knowledge and memory so far and says that he will reward her. He struts over to her and pulls out a notepad from his pocket and gives it to her. He tells her that it's important to understand all the princes before coming down to the task as belle. Mc really appreciates this and thanks Yves wholeheartedly for being so considerate towards her. Yves says he's only trying to do his job as a prince. Mc thinks that even though Yves looks like a proud and arrogant person from the outside he's actually a very kind person. Yves says she can use the notebook to write down her understanding of the princes about their habits, personalities and humanity (?) And says that he will introduce her to all the princes himself so she can understand them better. Mc is touched by his kindness and thanks him again to which Yves insists that he is only doing his job as a prince.

Sariel enters the hall and says how the both of them have gotten close in such a short amount of time. Yves dismisses his comment. Mc says to Sariel that she will be going to meet all the princes and Sariel says that she has other duties as belle and when mc asks what they are Sariel snaps his fingers and servants come in with books after books and keep in front of mc. Sariel says that mc has to read these books to understand the foreign affairs and about their neighboring country. Mc asks if she has to read allll these books and Sariel says she must. Yves is also surprised so mc says that her talent is reading books to rest assure. Yves huffs and says he will introduce her to Leon's fraction first and leaves the hall. Mc stumbles after him.

Sariel watches them and says to himself that mc will choose the right king won't she? He will be waiting. Rio enters the hall and says that his mc will do a good job

Yves guides her to the training grounds first and mc notices knights training. Yves says this is the place where they train hard to become strong and points off at the grounds saying mc to look. Mc sees Leon training his knights, Jin training his and Licht training his. Yves says that they take responsibility for their own knight and train them and strive to become strong.

Yves says he will start to talk about the cute one, Licht first and mc follows his line of sight. Licht was training his knight and points out at one of them who was slow saying if they are like this they will pass out on the battlefield in 3 seconds. The knight apologizes to Licht and Licht says not to apologizes to him and if he doesn't want to move he shouldn't move at all (? I didn't get this part) mc thinks to herself how hard all this looks. Yves sighs and says that licht is being cold again. Yves mentions that Licht is the 6th prince and is a year younger than Yves and as mc can see Licht has problems opening up to people. He adds that Licht will never abandon the people who are important to him and as a brother Yves is worried about him.

Yves notices that mc is staring and snaps at her saying she should write as he explains! He then says he will introduce their oldest brother Jin. Jin says to his knights to take a break in this place for a while and says how they are so serious even if its practice and they should play sometimes. Jin says that he will give them some interesting information and that soon there is a tavern in town with their attractive girls and that's like heaven! His knights cheer saying that even more reason to practice. Yves says how ridiculous it is for Jin to disturb his practice with his lewd stories. Mc looks up to see red faced Yves stepping over the ledge.

ps: I really wanted to add the cg but Cybird does not appreciate leaking cgs of any new game

#ikemen prince #cybird #ikepri #ikemen ouji #ikemen series #leon dompteur #chevalier michel #yves kloss #clavis lelouch #licht klein #nokto klein #jin grandet #luke randolph #sariel noir #ikepri yves #ikepri chevalier #ikepri leon #ikepri clavis

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rigelmejo · 4 years ago

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Unrelated completely, regarding listening reading method:

I am genuinely so excited to test the listening reading method out wholeheartedly. When I looked up the method, few people were trying it with Chinese, and of the people I saw a lot were beginners with less vocabulary than I have which I think both made the task harder for them and made their progress look different than I imagine mine will.

For example, in my first attempts using listening reading method, I noticed I picked up a TON of words I could already read, and a TON of phrases I could already read but didn’t properly “chunk” until I heard them aloud. Whereas the beginners tended to document picking up entirely new words, and not understanding much of any paragraph for the first several chapters. Whereas again, because I had more vocabulary, my first chapters I listening reading method did I heard a TON of individual words/followed the main gist, and it took several chapters for me to start finally understanding full phrase chunks and sentence chunks together. I 100% think the listening reading method can work with mandarin, I just think since few people have tried it and shared the experience, I’m going to find out how much it can improve someone’s mandarin myself...

I saw people who did listening reading method with german, and Dutch, who like the creator of the method ended up going from 0 to B1-B2 listening and sometimes-reading* skill in 3-5 months (reading skill tended to depend on how much they focused on the actual text during target language audio/target language text portion). The people with the most success usually already had a foundation of several hundred or a couple thousand common words, and had seen some grammar summarized beforehand (both of which I have already done with mandarin). I’m extremely curious how far the listening reading method can take my reading skills specifically - since the method mainly improves listening, and reading is simply affected a bit as a consequence of picking up new words/reading target language text along with the audio during one of the steps. With Chinese I suspect I’ll have to do more Hanzi learning, and reading-only work like intensive reading, to supplement my reading skills. However I already do a lot of intensive reading, so maybe that will keep the skills relatively even.

I do know that only couple dozen hours of listening reading method already boosted my listening skills a TON. So listening reading method definitely improves listening skills, as it is intended to. The actual method suggests learners listen read through an entire novel in a week or two, then do another novel etc, at least 3 novels though potentially more - and redoing some novels again from the start if desired. For my kind of novels - like Guardian by Priest, that means 106+ chapters, 800+ pages, 30 minutes audio a chapter (53 hours for the English text-chinese audio portion, another 53 hours for the Chinese text-chinese audio portion, and lets say half as many hours to read it in English 26.5 hours). So that is 132.5+ hours to listen read to Guardian. The listening reading method assumes you do a few books, so let’s say around 3 books, 396 hours (roughly 400 hours). Well... no wonder people saw such improvements! 400 hours of listening to comprehensible input in a European language will get an English speaker quite far into learning. Most European languages according to FSI take around 600-750 hours for an English native speaker to learn. Listening reading method would fill a huge chunk of those hours, and if you focus on the reading portion too, then that should definitely at least be a solid foundation into B1 I can imagine.

Listening reading methods creator also tends to do these in 6-12 hour reading bursts per day - which I absolutely never do because I’m lazy and unable to focus on things for too long usually without switching things up. But like I’ve mentioned, even me just doing maybe 12 hours of listening reading method so far, in small 30 minute to 2 hour chunks, has been enough to make noticeable improvement in my listening comprehension. If someone is already intermediate and just wants to improve their listening skill, I think they’d see fast results like I have regarding their listening skill dragging up closer to their reading skill level.

When I read the listening reading method creators website, they sounded like 10 hours was about how long it took (for beginners in a language) to start parsing individual words and recognizing them, 30 hours to start hearing word chunks and phrases they could understand, and 60-100 hours to start comprehending a majority of the words.

I am therefore very curious what my rate of improvement will be. I do feel chinese study using the listening reading method at least for listening skills will see similar levels of improvement. I’m wondering if my listening skills will improve a bit faster, since I’m already past the “progress at 30 hours” mark expectations wise - I can hear many individual words, can hear many sentence chunks/phrases, and just struggle to follow some full sentences and catch brand new words until I’ve heard them several times. I do very much want to completely go through Guardian with this method - for many reasons lol. 1. Because I’ve been wanting to read it in english and I’ll have a chance to use that for study which is cool, 2. Because I’ve been wanting to read it in chinese and this makes it doable/more comprehensible for my current skill level (aka following along to the audiobook I will read at a less slow pace/comprehend more since the English will be fresh in my mind, compared to if I just read it extensively on its own), 3. Avenuex made a beautiful audiobook I adore and I’ll have an excuse to listen to it while actually comprehending everything since I’ll have the English and Chinese novel to look at while o read! So... once I’m through Guardian, I’ll be able to answer for myself what over 100 hours of progress doing the listening reading method produce, how well it works when using a book with a more complicated/high vocab style - which is sort of priest, reading challenge wise, and the kind of novel the listening reading method creator recommends using. Also, I’ll have read Guardian! ovo)/ and I will have read a full priest novel, so I’ll have picked up words by my favorite author that will hopefully make other priest novels easier to read (the same reason Tian Ya Ke may be helpful).

———-

Another thing people who have tried the listening reading method suggest doing first (particularly if studying a language much different than your native language, but for any language tbh). The creator of the method suggested: knowing a few hundred to a few thousand common words, and having looked at a grammar guide or overview prior. That’s something anyone who’s already a bit of a beginner, to low intermediate, probably has done or is doing. In addition, some people who have done this method suggested using something like sentence audio flashcards (in English and target language audio) and listening to them a few times, repeating them, until one felt comfortable with them. Generally common word/grammar ones, and you could do “listening reading” with those sentences too (reading them while listening to the audio). This would serve as a primer to learn the basics comfortably before going into listening reading novels. They suggested doing yjis would make the method work better - they got to B2 in Dutch in a handful of months of intensive listening reading by doing this beforehand and they think it helped a lot. While I think it’s not necessary, I do think of listening reading is hard, then getting a basis beforehand as a beginner and/or covering a easier basics common language material first will help. I use the Chinese SpoonFed Audio files which basically amounts to the same thing but no reading (if I used the flashcards still, it would include reading). So I do have some sentences/phrases/words I have a good listening foundation for already. Also, as mentioned, I do read, so for many common words and Hanzi I already can read them. I do think this advice is very good for beginners though, if they want to see noticable results sooner (versus 30-50 hours into listening reading before they start learning significant amounts - basically it just means they’d do 30-50 hours prestudy instead of basic common words/grammar, to make the listening reading initially less difficult). A total beginner could dive right into listening reading (just like my chaotic self first started to try to read Chinese knowing 500 words and brute forcing mdzs and guardian a few paragraphs at a time), it just means it’ll feel more difficult at first for a while, and they’ll be mostly learning basics for a while first before they build enough of a basis to comprehend more. Which is fine. It all just comes down to how much incompréhensibilty can you personally tolerate without giving up. The creator of the method? Can tolerate a TON. Me? I can tolerate a brutally large amount, surprisingly, but usually I need to comprehend had least the main idea and that’s a minimum of like 40-60% depending on which parts I’m comprehending. Most people will feel it’s unbearable until they can comprehend at least 80-90% (and I certainly PREFER material I comprehend that much of). And most people ideally are comfortable once they understand 95-98% (think reading a book in your native language with some unknown words you can figure out easily from context, or graded readers made to feel this easy with around this many unknown words for you to figure out in context, or maybe manhua/manga/comics once you’re a pretty decent intemediate level in a language etc).

#January progress #listening reading method #rant #I am genuinely like #so excited #as soon as I’m in the right mood to do it #I can’t wait to #because it’s just like a bunch of stuff I wanna do #!!!!!!#and I really do think the method has merit #since I discovered it and at the Least #combined some of its points into my regular study routine and reading #it’s improved my listening skills a LOT

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lennydaisy · 4 years ago

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EPIPHANY SERIES // OUTER BANKS // CHAPTER THREE.

(n.) a moment when you suddenly feel that you understand. or suddenly become conscious of something that is very important to you.

“Care to seize the day, my friend?”

Outer Banks Season 1- FEM OC! and ?

Here’s the link to Chapter Two in case you haven’t read it already <3 Check it out!!

Babysitting isn't for everybody. And at the beginning, I didn't think I was for me either. They say every child is different and this job has proved that couldn't be more true. Call it delusion, but I thought babysitting would be the easiest job on the planet. Getting paid to look after someone's kid for a few hours whilst they run for the hills for a sliver of free time. Sounds easy enough right?

Wrong!

You need to have thick skin when it comes to babysitting. No matter how much the parents reassure and praise their kid for being a literal angel on earth. That said angel will call you a do-do head at least once whilst simultaneously having a tantrum because you told them no, despite how much they promised that their parents allow them to climb onto of the refrigerator.

The first time I babysat it was actually a baby I was watching. The mom wanted to get out of the house and away from the responsibility of her 6-month-old. She had graciously written up any and every scenario that could play out in the few hours she was gone. And I was feeling confident. Until I wasn't.

They wouldn't stop crying. And their special lamb, that the board told me to give to the baby when they were upset, ran out of batteries, and I couldn't find new ones anywhere.

They refused to eat, just spitting the pureed food back in my face. They also wouldn't keep their socks on and that was the last straw for my sanity. I understood now why the mom had been quick to run out the door.

I ended up calling Kie, begging for her to come and help. I don't know how she understood a word I said, I was practically hyperventilating over the line, staring at the baby who was crawling around in a fit of rage.

Kie was truly a godsend. She somehow fed the baby and managed to get them to sleep before the mom came back. It did result in me splitting my first wage with Kie, but I wasn't complaining, I was just happy that I made it out of that house with just a headache and not an external crisis. Though that did come later.

I've babysat an 8-year-old boy, who ran away from me in the park. I did find him eventually. After giving myself a hairline fracture in my right wrist from climbing the tree he got stuck in.

I've babysat animals before. That wasn't part of my non-existing contract, but the way they spoke about their pets was very humanlike. It didn't end well for me, it never does. It resulted in me holding four leashes of four overly excited Komodo Dragons. Just kidding. The refused to move and lacked any type of emotion.

'I took you guys to the beach, be grateful.'

Now, I know what you're thinking, Komodo Dragons? Aren't those Illegal to have as pets? The answer to that question is yes! But I didn't know that. Just imagine Shoupe's face when he saw me practically dragging not one, but four, exotic animals across the boneyard. It looked suspicious is all I'm going to say.

Turns out the two guys who asked me to babysit their dragons for them we're smugglers who purchased and sold exotic animals. Not good. Apparently, they were already under the police departments radar and the pair planned on legging it to the in-country hoping to change and clear their names.

That worked out well for them, I think? Nothing else was really mentioned of it after my dad collected me from the police station. They're still on the radar, I hope. If not then there are two brawny men out there that could come and kill me in my sleep for ruining their very illegal business. Look, If you are up to some suspect things, my dumbass is the last person you'd want to be involved. I will unironically get you caught.

That's how Ward Cameron had heard about my very pristine babysitting service. Noticing the little bit of trouble that always seemed to shadow me, he offered to hire me permanently as his youngest daughter's babysitter.

That was three years ago, and here I am still babysitting Wheezie.

"This is stupid," Wheezie complains, trudging behind me, pushing forward the shopping cart filled with lost items that we found on the beach.

Since there is no internet in Kookland, in other words, Wheezie's heart line is currently in critical care. I decided to venture outdoors with her for a change. Instead of just sitting around her three-storey clubhouse or in her four-acre backyard, I thought it would be nice to comb the beach of any debris that the hurricane brought along.

There was a lot of personal items that washed up on the beach too. Wallets, bags, photographs, books, clothes, wine bottles, footballs, toys, you get the gist. Most of them were ruined, either waterlogged or just completely useless. However, somethings just needed a good clean, and that's what we are going to spend our day doing. There is no way of telling what belongs to who, so we'll just turn them into the lost and found and hope they'll check there if it was important enough to them.

Our two trollies worth didn't even make a dent in the rubble that litters the beach, but it was a start. Say hello to a summer of hard labour.

"There was a hurricane Wheezie, have some sympathy" I roll my eyes at the girl who was less than thrilled about today's plans.

"I do have sympathy," she claims defensively, "It's just pointless. No one's gonna come looking for this junk," eyes flickering through the findings in her trolley.

What we found isn't pointless. They belong to someone. I think about it the same way I did as a kid when I wanted every single teddy bear in my bed at night so none got left out, so I didn't hurt their feelings. A ragged old soccer ball might look worse for wear, but it has a home and I going to get it back there.

"It's not junk," I object, stopping momentarily, waiting for the stroppy pre-teen to catch up. "Say you lost your phone and someone found it, and returned it too you. You wouldn't be grateful?" I theorize in terms that I know she would understand.

"My dad would just get me a new one," she shrugs nonchalantly, not missing a beat.

"Well, not everyone's fortunate that way," I remind her, blinking suddenly as the sun shines on something reflective in the cart, blinding me.

Reaching towards the sparkling object, I realise that it appears to be quite expensive. It's a glass ashtray. Rubbing the damp sand off the surface, my thumb feels an engraving. In swirly calligraphy, reads the initials:

'S.G'

"I'm sorry," Wheezie apologizes, wincing when she heard my comment, "I didn't think-"

"-It's okay," I smile at the girl. It's not like I don't understand my current life situation. It's pretty shitty, I know, but I live with it. I was born a Pogue for a reason. I wasn't supposed to be born with a silver spoon in my mouth, though that doesn't mean I hate those who are. They have it easier than me and my family, sure, but that's just how it is in the Outer Banks. Some are more fortunate than others. It does, however, leave a sour taste in my mouth that Kook parents will just throw money at there children to get them to shut up, but that's just a Pogue's opinion.

The generators haven't kicked in yet, seeing as though the Camerons security code gate is bouncing loosely against its unlocked hinges. Holding the gate open for Wheezie to push by with her cart, I catch a glimpse of their usually perfectly mowed lawn. Instead, I see plenty of fallen trees and scattered branches, broken plant pots, and ruined garden monuments. It’s not a good look, especially for the high-class Camerons.

That just goes to show, hurricane's don't show mercy on anyone, Kook or not.

As a wise man once said; 'Thanks Agatha, ya batch.'

Parking our carts beside the Cameron's private pool, away from the workers who are just trying to do their jobs. I turn to Wheezie saying, "You go get some soapy water and gloves and I'll empty the carts."

Nodding her head, she rushes into her house, leaving me slightly confused, 'Where did the sudden enthusiasm come from?'

Emptying the carts, I lay out what needs to be cleaned the most: from a bronze candlestick holder to a old, yet unique, shoe buckle, and everything in between. And of course, the ashtray.

Holding it gently in my palms, legs crossed against the cold slabs, I couldn't help but feel hypnotised by the intricate marks that littered the tray. It truly was a lost treasure.

"I'll take that," announces a voice from behind my hunched figure, jumping when a hand snatches the tray from my grip.

Coming to my feet, I'm ready to snatch the tray back from the sudden thief, but I stop when I realise who it is. Why am I not surprised, I am on their turf.

If it isn't dumb, dumber and dumbest.

Throwing the delicate glass from hand to hand, Rafe lets out a low whistle, "Check the weight on that," he tosses it to Kelce who was standing tall behind him. Kelce nods his head in approval, of course agreeing with what Rafe has to say.

"Who did you steal that from Pogue?" Rafe smirks thinking he has me sussed out. Not wanting to give the satisfaction that him lobbing around the ashtray is causing me heart amputations, I stare him in the eye, "I didn't steal it. I found it."

"You did, did you," he utters pushing past me, his head low with a sick smile, taking in the view of the tressures that I had laid out, "And what about all this? Did you just find that too?"

I say nothing. He knows the answer to that question. I already told him. I don't need to explain myself, especially not to Rafe Cameron.

His eyes flicker over Wheezie and I's findings, taking in each and everyone with a curious eye, before he cracked, "Bunch of junk," kicking some of the items into the pool.

All I could do was stare. Stare as someone's possessions sunk to the bottom of the marble pool, clashing and crumbling at the foot of Rafe. I fell sick.

His friend just laughs, egging him on. Kelce patting him proudly on the back, handing him back the ashtray. Rafe turns to face me, that smirk never leaving his face, but I can't look at him. I refuse to.

"-Hey Rafe, dad's looking for you," a soft voice breaks the harsh glare that Rafe was sending my way. Nodding his head at the voice, he holds the ashtray out for me to take.

It was too good to be true.

Gullible enough, I reach out for it, only to have it slip through my fingertips. Unable to hear the shattering of the glass as it hits the red slab, my brain refuses to accept fate as I stare down at the shards.

Laughing lightly, I bite my lip, nodding my head understandingly, not expecting anything less from Rafe. A sharp grip on my wrist snaps up my damp eyes, "See you later, Pogue," he hisses in my numb ear, before marching away as though nothing happened.

Sensing a presence, I meet eyes with the 3rd and final member of Rafe's crowd.

Topper.

Smiling lopsidedly at the well put together boy who hasn't moved or spoken since showing up, "Nice friends you've got there Topper," I say monotoned, watching as the boy snaps out of his trance-like state before following Rafe with a blank expression and his tail between his legs.

Shuddering out a breath, I unclip my waist bag and begin to pick up the chunks of glass. Pausing when a pair of clean, white shoes entre my line of sight, "Careful," she crounches down, picking up a shard, placing it into my bag.

A few minutes of picking up the sizable pieces, all that was left on the slabs was a glittering shimmer. Satisfied with what was salvaged, we stand back up to our full height. It was silent. Awkwardly silent.

"Thank you," I shyly say, not at all pleased that the Cameron girl had caught me in a moment of weakness, but at least she didn't mock me for it.

"Your welcome," she smiles before reaching for the tennis rackets she had thrown on the ground before coming to help me. Certain that was the end of the exchange, I turned back to the pool where pieces of metal and loose book pages float carelessly on the surface.

It was just a bunch of junk anyway.

"Hey," Sarah turns, rubbing the back of her head subconsciously, "I'm going to save mice from the birds," she says, pointing out to the bottom of her garden where the surge has blown over, waterlogging the grass.

I just blink at the girl, confused as to why she is even telling me this. Letting out a gentle huff, "I have a spare racket," she offers, holding out one of the two rackets she has in her hands.

Finally catching what she's throwing, I look anywhere but her direction, "I can't," hoping to find a legit excuse as to why I don't want to help her be a hero for mice. Then it hit me, "I'm supposed to be babysitting Wheezie."

My triumphant smile fell as fast as it came when Sarah says, "The powers back on, Wheezie will not willingly come outside again," still holding out the bat for me to take, "Also, my dad's back, so your shift ended about 20 minutes ago."

The more reasons she adds, the more difficult she is making it to say no, and she knows it as well. Her eyebrows dancing lightly as she waves the racket around like a tempting treat.

Giving in, seeing as though I have run out of excuses to give, I grudgingly accept the racket. Maybe her being the sworn enemy of my best friend would have been a good excuse, but I didn't think of that at the time. And what would I of said:

'Oh, I can't help you, even though you selflessly helped me, because my best friend hates your guts.'

What are we, middleschoolers?

I can't help but feel wrong about it though. Like I'm betraying my role as a pogue, as a best friend. But if I feel that way about just being near the kook princess, that doesn't make me any better than her brother. A judgmental prick.

Let's call it paying back a debt. She helped me, now I'll help her. Tit for tat. Anything to make my mind feel at ease.

Walking behind the women who seemed to be on a mission, I'm met by the shrieking flock of overhead seagulls, each nosediving into the burrows, hoping to catch their next meal.

"Operation ‘Save The Mice’ is a go," she announces, holding out her racket waiting for me to tap mines against hers, declaring our battle. I couldn't help but wonder aloud, "Why does this concern us?" tapping my racket unsurely against hers.

Nodding her head in confirmation, she takes her stance, eyes now set on the sky. "You have about as much compassion as a rock," she focusses her swing, untimely missing by a long shot. It was entertaining to watch, I'm not going to lie.

"Tell me something I don't know," I reply, leaping back as the girl swings her racket with vigour and fury at the diving gulls. I can't help but laugh at her attempts.

Having enough of my laughter she turns around, a challenging look flaring in her eyes, "Think you can do any better?"

I just shrug my shoulders, twirling the racket around my fingers, smirking at my trick, but Sarah just looks unimpressed. Watching as a flock of gulls take their position to dive, I jump as high as possible hoping to swat them away.

At that moment I learned something about human capability. Humans shouldn't jump. Like ever. It's embarrassing. What do we expect? To touch the stars? It's nice to dream and imagine that when we push both legs of the ground, arms reaching high, that we are close to flying. Let's just say my non-existing dream to become an Olympic long jumper has just flushed down the toilet.

Another thing I learned is that when you swing a racket, with force, at a cluster of hungry Seagulls, you will get attacked. The only thing between them and they're next meal is me, and they didn't hesitate to remove me from the situation.

Letting out a shriek, I run away from the burrows, hands protecting my head as the birds swoop at me. Without a second thought, I run behind Sarah, using her as a shield to protect my crouching figure from the diving gulls.

After two minutes of fearing for my life, I can't help but chuckle at myself. And Sarah joins in, shoving my arm lightly, pushing me away from hiding behind her. The sudden shove causes me to stumble over my own feet, falling back on the grass. I couldn't help but laugh more, seeing stars as my stomach cramps in pain.

Sarah holds out her hand, trying her best to keep her balance from laughing, offering to help me up. I accept without a second thought, allowing her to pull me to my feet. Both smiling widely at our stupidity.

"Let's get these birds," I smirked at the girl who nodded her head in agreement. Both of us taking a battle stance, ready to defend our people. Or well Mice. They attack us, we attack them.

A cold shadow suddenly covers the setting sun that was shining against us. We let out another shriek, holding each other as we attempt to duck from the relentless gulls, running away from the burrows.

"Sarah!" I hear someone shout over our screams. Too busy protecting ourselves, we didn't even register the voice, "Mason?!" They ask in confusion.

Finally feeling safe enough from the killer birds, I look up to see Mr Cameron making his way towards us with Lana Grubbs at his side. 'Why is she here?'

"We're busy!" Sarah exclaims, picking up and tossing me the racket I had dropped when I fell, going back to swinging at the birds. She takes one side of the burrows and I take the other, waving around my racket. At this point I don't even care about the mice, those birds attacked me! So, I'm attacking them!

"What are you two doing?" Mr Cameron asks, not understanding why his daughter and his hired babysitter are running around like headless chickens.

"Saving mice," I reply, flashing my eyes over to the man, who stands with an ever so slightly amused look. "The birds are having a field day," Sarah adds, pulling me with her, chasing after the devils in the sky.

"Girls, the birds have to eat too," He implies, but we didn't hear any of it, still aimlessly swinging. "No, it's a mouse genocide out here," Sarah states breathlessly.

"It's the circle of life," Mr Cameron's patience was running thinner, "Now come on, I have a human being-" finally introducing the other presence in the garden. This pauses our attack, both looking apologetically at the lady, "-I'm so sorry. I'm Sarah."

Shaking the ladies hand, "This is Lana Grubbs, Scooter's wife," Mr Cameron introduces, "You were storm prepping with him, right?" he asks his daughter.

"Yeah," she answers, still breathless, "He helped me latch the cabin to the Druthers," nodding her head in the direction of the docked boat at the end of the pier.

'It's a nice boat,' I thought taking in the beauty of the three-story yacht, 'You can't hide money, huh.'

"Last night?"

"Yeah."

"And did he go out after that?"

"From here?"

"Yeah."

"No. Are you crazy? There was a hurricane," Sarah laughs lightly at the thought of someone willingly going out during a storm.'I could think of a few people,' bringing my attention back to the two adults in front of me.

"Well, did he say where he was going?" Miss Lana asks, her eyes erratic, "Get a phone call or mention anything?" The desperation lacing her voice makes my heart stop with sympathy for the woman.

"He didn't say anything to me," Sarah shakes her head, her tone not hiding her pity for the lady.

"What about you Mason?" Mr Cameron asks me, "Have you seen Scooter recently?" his questions sparking Miss Lana to look my way, her eyes glistening with withering hope.

"The last I saw of him was when Pope and I delivered to your house," regret instantly hit me, as I had to be the bearer of bad news. It was true though. The last time I saw Scooter was earlier this week when he opened the door for his groceries. I've seen him at Save-A-Lot a few times, but that was months ago when I had to tell him to leave because other customers were complaining that he was bothering them for money.

"I'm sorry," I apologise to the lady who just shakes her head, looking at the ground.

"Is he okay?" Sarah asks her dad who just nods, wrapping an arm around Miss Lana, "He's absolutely fine," he reassures Sarah, before guiding the dazed woman back towards the house.

"Oh!" I hear Mr Cameron exclaim, spinning round to face me, digging through his pockets, "Thank you for watching Wheezie today," he says, placing a brown envelope in my hand.

"Thank you, sir," I smile with gratitude as he makes his leave again.

Sighing, I slap the envelope a few times in my hand, turn back to a Sarah. I go to snap her out of her daydream, but get interrupted by a distant voice, "Hey Sarah!"

At the top of the disarranged lawn stood a scornful Topper, hands in his pockets as he looks down on us, making his way over at a snail pace.

"You better go," I flick my head in the direction of her boyfriend whose eyes are slitted with distaste. Holding out the racket for her to take, she nods her head and makes her way over to Topper, not even sparing me a glance.

I get it.

"I want you to stay away from that pogue, alright?" I hear him utter not so quietly under his breath, knowing fine well that I'm still able to hear him. I pay him no mind, finding my own way out. That's what he wants. Attention. That's always been what Toppers wants. And I'm not going to give him that satisfaction. Not anymore.

Humming a gentle tune under my breath as I make my way towards the gate. I double-take when I spot a hunched figure sitting by the pool, "Wheezie?"

My sudden appearance spooking her as she ripped the earphones out from her ears, the buds projecting a catchy pop beat. The girl sat on the cold slabs, clad in yellow rubber gloves and safety goggles, surrounded my various cleaning tools: a basin of soapy water, a toothbrush, a blow torch?

"What are you doing?" I ask sceptically, making my way towards her as she stuttered over her words before giving up with a sigh.

"I heard what Rafe said," she admits, her voice low as though afraid to speak out against her brother. That's the Rafe effect. He gets off on it. Knowing that everyone around him, his family included, is too scared to tell him he's a mess with even messier opinions. "And it not true," she adds.

Wheezie walks over, holding out the shoe buckle that we found on the beach. The once rusted and unrecognisable buckle now sparkled a blinding silver, and despite its eroded corners, it was still in great condition, "Pretty, right?" she notices my expression, "That's not the best part," she claims, turning over the buckle, holding it out of me to take.

Engraved on the silver base scribed, 'Made in Occupied Japan.'

"I couldn't save everything, like books and stuff, but I tried my best. I even made a box and everything," She rambles, rushing over to pick up the homemade box that read, "Lost and Found," painted in bold, pink lettering. In the box sat: a polished pin, the candlestick holder, a handful of leather wallets and all the other salvageable treasure that we found. And now the shoe buckle.

"It's not junk," she says, passing me the box, "They belong to someone and I hope they find them," she says, rubbing the back of her tinted red neck, finally understanding why I had her help me in the first place.

It's not junk.

I'm not great when it comes to other peoples emotions. They make me want to shrivel up and go invisible, but I can't help but admire the girls change of heart, but I'm still awkward so, I just ruffle her hair, hoping the annoying act conveys my gratitude.

Having enough of me for one day, Wheezie pushes me toward the gate, practically kicking me out. "See you next time kid," I shout over my shoulder, smiling as her face grovels at the word 'kid'.

Basking at my long journey home, I give up attempting to balance the light box in my arms. I place it on the sidewalk, unzipping my waist bag wanting to tuck the brown envelope, that I was struggling to hold, away.

The clattering of glass pauses my actions. Reaching in, I pick out a small piece, watching as the setting sun danced across the surface, shining every colour of the rainbow onto the tarmac.

'S.G'

Chapter Three: FIN!

I really enjoyed writing this chapter, even though it’s kind of filler. Kie would be proud of Mason for beach combing, her tendencies are rubbing off on her.

I choose for Mason not to go to the motel because that’s just what I choose, I don’t really have a reason why. Well I do, but I can’t tell you yet. You’ll find out eventually, if my idea goes to plan...

So we learned about Mason very perfessional babysitting service. Also I know that Rafe is, y’know bad, but I’m excited to explore Mason’s relationship with him. It will be interesting to write!

What did you think?

I’m really excited to write the next chapter. Mason is going to get buzzed.

I hope you enjoyed this chapter <3

Also, if anyone would like to be tagged in future chapters, just let me know and I’ll for sure do that!

*TAGLIST*

@xshinytrashcanx @prejudic3 @annoylinglyaries

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98prilla · 4 years ago

Text

Changing Tides

AO3

So. This is the final chapter. If you’ve gotten here, thanks so much for reading it all, and I hope you liked reading it as much as I did writing it. I might dabble more with this universe in the future, but I’m happy with leaving it here for now. That being said, if you have any ideas for a continuation of this, feel free to send them my way, or write them yourself, as long as you tag and credit me! You guys are all awesome.

...

It took them a while to get back, mostly because Roman kept showing him tricks, helping him steer and adjust himself and his fins properly, helping him not overthink it and just move. They ended up playing, more than anything.

Roman was right. Once he got moving, it was actually pretty fun. Shooting through the water faster than anything, the feel of it parting around him, laughing at the bubble tornado Roman swept him into by swimming around him so fast he was dizzy trying to follow him, the bubbles propelling him towards the surface, Roman laughing at his giggle fit.

When they finally did swim back into the cave, Virgil was instantly barreled into, surprised to hear… barking? And whiskers tickling his face as a nose nuzzled against his cheek, finally drawing back so he could see the deep, dark eyes of a seal.

“Patton?” He asked, laughing at his enthusiastic clap of his flippers, barking again as he backed up, allowing Virgil to sit. Virgil smiled, then tackled the seal himself, sending them rolling across the kelp floor, laughing as Patton righted himself in the water, and started chasing him around the cave in retaliation, trying to love tackle him again. Logan yelped, narrowly dodging a collision, Roman laughing as they raced around him, before shooting down into the kelp.

“Well. He certainly seems to be feeling better." Logan commented, smiling fondly himself as he watched the chase.

“How could he not, when faced with a face full of bouncy seal Patton?”

Virgil collapsed atop the kelp, out of breath and laughing, Patton nuzzling his face again, laughing more at the tickling whiskers.

“Ok, ok! I give up!” He laughed, Patton pulling back with a satisfied snort.

Virgil flipped over onto his stomach, head propped up on a hand as his tail waved lazily in the water. His other rested atop Patton, idly petting his head, liking the smooth, silky soft feel of his skin, a wave of tiredness washing over him. He found himself listing sideways, so he was more half laying atop Patton than sitting next to him. He smiled at Patton’s questioning chirp.

“just tired. I had… had a bit of a panic attack, when I woke up.” Patton rumbled, worried, and he sighed. “it was more of a flashback. I don’t really wanna talk about it.” He mumbled, pressing his head against Patton’s soft, squishy back. “I got the gist from Roman, kinda. We’re like, transformer buddies. We could come up with, like, anime girl transformation sequences to act out. Oh god, we’d be team rocket, wouldn’t we?” He mumbled, not even sure what he was saying anymore, but smiling at Patton’s amused huff.

“Virgil?” He rolled over with a small ‘uh huh’, looking up at Roman, Logan hovering beside him. “Are you… alright?” He took a deep breath, it still felt a bid odd, but not in a bad way.

“Honestly? I have no idea. Roman said you could fill me in, on what exactly happened? What… I am?” He asked, a bit hesitant, not sure if he actually wanted an answer, a bit afraid of what he’d hear.

“The species is called Merrow…”

…

By the end of the explanation, Virgil was shaking, hands fisted so hard his nails were cutting into his palms, filled with too many emotions he couldn’t quite name, tail flicking in agitation. He’d drawn away from Patton, his back resting against the rocky wall of the cave, an angry, hurt noise building in his throat as Logan finished.

“Virgil?” Roman asked, softly, a bit worried at the mer’s silence, even more worried as he let out a soft, bitter laugh.

“Of course. No wonder she didn’t want me. No wonder neither of them did. I reminded Her of being forced into slavery, forced into a marriage into his bed, so of course she wouldn’t love me, couldn’t love me. I was a memory of the worst thing that had ever happened to her.” Roman’s heart cracked at the hopelessness in his voice, and given Patton’s small whine, he felt the same.

Patton moved closer, slipping his head under Virgil’s arm, snuggling across his lap. The weight helped Virgil breathe, and he found himself petting Patton absently again, the repeated action helping him focus.

“Virgil. I am sure she loved you. She just couldn’t deny her nature, once she found her item.” He snorted at Logan’s words, distancing himself mentally already, shutting down against the pain.

“why would she? Nothing… there’s nothing worth loving about me. I was a horrible, awful mistake made from a horrible awful situation, started by a horrible, awful man. What… what could ever be good about me?” He asked, fingers curled against Patton, as he looked away, looked at the stone, just as weathered and cracked as he felt. “maybe I should have just drowned.” Logan inhaled sharply, and he could feel Roman shaking beside him, at the emptiness to Virgil’s voice, the hollowness in his eyes as he retreated into himself. Patton whined, nudging at his hand, but Virgil just pulled them close his chest, biting his lip.

“Virgil, no. His actions do not reflect on your worth as a person. There are so many wonderful, good things about you. Your curiosity, your eagerness to learn, your open, accepting nature, despite all the terrible circumstances surrounding your life, you are absolutely brilliant, Virgil. I have never met a more resilient, amazing, being in my entire life. Do you understand me, Virgil? You are not the sum of your parents. You are yourself, and who you are is beautiful.” Logan said fervently, gently shaking Virgil’s shoulders, forcing the boy to look up at his eyes, to see the burning, aching, belief. “Don’t you ever think of yourself like that, Virgil. Don’t you ever…” Logan trailed off, close to tears, shocking both Patton and Roman with his unusual display of emotion, before sweeping Virgil into a tight, soft embrace, shaking at just how much pain filled this small mer. After a moment, Virgil folded against him, letting out a low, keening sob, one that shook Virgil to his core, and had Logan wrapping him tighter in his arms, cradling Virgil’s head, failing to suppress his own tears, because how dare they, how dare they make this incredible, kind, smart, inquisitive child be so afraid of himself and the world, think himself so worthless, that he would consider that level of harm a valid course of action? “you are worth so, so much, Virgil. We… I… already cannot fathom a life without you in it. And you will never, never have to go back to that life as long as you live, go back to that… that monster.”

“I wanna stay with you and ro and pat. I don’t wanna go back, I just… I wanna be safe…” Virgil gasped.

“You are. I promise, you are.”

“c-can I g-go home? W-with Patton? I don’t wanna be in the w-water, anymore. I just w-wanna go h-home."

“Of course, firefish. You should be fine, to go back on land now. Just don’t take off the sweater, for a bit, ok? Unzipping it will change you back.” Roman murmured, carefully joining the hug, pressing Virgil and Logan close to him for a moment, Patton nuzzling his way into the middle, making Virgil let out a tired smile.

“Would you two like a ride home?” Roman asked, laughing at Patton's delighted bark, the selkie clapping his flippers and launching himself into Roman's hands. “I will take that as a yes. Virg?” Virgil nodded, settling against him a bit more carefully.

“Have a good ride, you two. I shall see you soon.” Logan said, smiling softly, and Virgil waved, Patton chirping, then Roman slipped out of the cave.

…

“Virg, honey, you gotta wake up.” His eyes drifted open slowly, for a moment forgetting where he was, surprised at being woken so gently. Usually it was screaming, or glass shattering. Then he felt waves lapping at his tail, and he scrubbed his eyes blearily.

“You fell asleep on the ride over, starfish.” Roman rumbled lowly. “You wanna try changing back, so you can go sleep inside?” He smiled at the slightly teasing tone to Roman’s voice.

He hummed, focusing for a moment on the feel of the invisible fabric against his skin, gasping as he undid the zipper. A strange, almost numb, almost tingling sensation took over his tail, and he squeezed his eyes shut, not wanting to watch it unfuse, feeling slightly nauseous at the notion. After a few long seconds, he felt two legs, and a glance confirmed they were back and his tail was gone. He wiggled his toes experimentally, letting out a relieved breath as they responded instantly. Of course, now having legs felt weird, and he huffed.

“You okay, kiddo?” Patton asked softly, and he nodded.

“yeah. Just gonna take some getting used to, I guess.” He answered, accepting Patton’s help in pulling him to his feet, balance completely off and he nearly tumbled back to the sand, but Roman’s hand shot out and caught him, keeping him steady.

“Easy, firefish.” Virgil huffed, leaning against his hand for a moment longer, nuzzling against it for a moment and making Roman blush.

“thanks Ro. For… for everything.” He muttered, Virgil’s own face red as he pulled away, letting Patton wrap an arm around his shoulders. “See you tomorrow, yeah?”

“Of course, kid. Wouldn’t dream of skipping out on you. I’ll make sure Lo comes too, though I think he won’t need much coaxing for once. He’s taken quite a shine to you.”

“Who wouldn’t! With scales like those, he’s hard to ignore.” Patton added, making Virgil groan and Roman roll his eyes. He waved once, slipping back under the water, reappearing further out a moment later, doing a fancy flip that had Virgil muttering ‘show off’ under his breath as he smiled.

“So. Anime girl transformation sequences, huh?” He groaned at Patton’s words, sinking further into his hoodie, his new, magic hoodie, smiling as he heard Patton’s soft giggle.

“Can we just go home, already?” He mumbled, feeling Patton’s breath hitch again at his use of that word, home.

He’d never really considered the boat home, anyways. There had never been any love, there, or warmth, or laughter. None of the stuff that would make up a home. But here, with Roman and Logan, in this small cabin with Patton?

For the first time ever, he was… loved.

“Of course kiddo. Let’s get inside and get warmed up. I’ll make some hot chocolate!”

“could… could you maybe read, some more? I…you did that when I was sick, right?” Patton squeezed his hand as they entered the house, letting go to start the cocoa as he slipped into his chair by the fireplace.

“I did. I didn’t know you remembered that, kiddo. Or even heard it, actually.” Patton replied from the kitchen, coming back a few minutes later, passing him a mug, which smelled delicious.

“I mean… I don’t, really, I just remember your voice. It… was nice.” He mumbled, taking a sip of his drink. Patton smiled warmly, grabbing the book of fairytales off the side table next to his own chair. He settled in, pushing up his glasses, glancing at Virgil, wrapped up in a blanket, closing his eyes as he listened to Patton read, the steady sound soothing as he occasionally sipped from his mug.

Patton kept an eye on the kid, watching his head slowly droop as he read, managing to spring forwards and catch the mug before it slipped from Virgil’s hands and spilled onto his blanket. He set it aside with a soft smile, stroking Virgil’s bangs back, pressing a soft kiss to his forehead.

“sweet dreams, little merrow.” He moved to step back, but Virgil stopped him, eyes just barely flickering open, hand pulling weakly at his sleeve. He chuckled, but complied, scooping Virgil off the chair and into his arms, resettling with him in his lap, cradling Virgil close to him, humming softly. Virgil melted into his arms, breathing deep and slow, and he couldn’t help but cry a little, at how far this kiddo had come. Only a few days ago, he would have flinched back at any touch. It was amazing, how resilient and brave Virgil was, that he was willing to trust again, willing to open up, willing to let Patton hold him while he slept and trust that nothing and no one would hurt him.

“Love you, kiddo.” He whispered, closing his own eyes, surprised to feel Virgil shift against him a moment later.

“love y’too, pat. You’re a good dad.” Virgil mumbled, nuzzling closer against him with a sleepy sigh, smiling as Patton’s arms held him a little tighter, enveloping him in all the safety he’d ever need. And if Patton cried a little harder at that, well, who could blame him?

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