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dariwrites03 · 7 months ago

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Fucked up Monday.

A/n: this is the first Ellie x female reader I’ve ever written so pls be kind ??? ( let’s be real, first thing I’ve ever written ngl) Also, English isn’t my first language so excuse my mistakes. Otherwise have fun!

Part 2: https://www.tumblr.com/daribertduck/748855174059130880/fucked-up-monday-23

Summary: Having Ellie as a friend is great. Having her as you’re patrol partner? Even better. Loving her though, that’s where all the problems begin. Especially since Ellie doesn’t feel the same, right?

Warnings: slightly mention of grief, anxiety,post apocalypse world!! Slightly curse words ( what’s you’re favorite curse word? Probably fuck.)

-5,9K words or something xx

The world suddenly became gray, the clouds got thicker and as the rain started to make its way down onto the dirty ground surrounding your house, you knew today was most definitely not a good day. But It's not like you didn't know that already. The last couple of days weren't great either, and that's not something you can blame on the terrible January weather.

No, partly you blame yourself for those terrible hours that turned into days you spent in front of your living room window wasting away important minutes, stuck with way too many thoughts to function. So many things you have to think over and over, without really ending up with an answer that satisfies you. And you blame her, too, for somehow making the world much darker than it already is. But deep down you knew that this wasn't the right way to go, you could not make her the center of your problems, couldn't build your own mistakes around her. But you'd like to try anyway.

Monday, only a week ago, everything was as fine as it could be, considering the circumstances. Because life in the post-apocalypse isn't always easy, because one of your closest friends, Dina, is in love with Ellie Williams. Because Ellie Williams is the girl you gave your heart many years ago.

This specific Monday,where everything went down, you were on patrol with Ellie. Over the past two months, it had become a ritual. The two of you made the best team in Jackson, using supplies judiciously and working smart and fast. Everyone could rely on you both, and you loved it. The feeling of being needed was something great. The idea of people believing and trusting you was something you wouldn't trade for anything. You loved to help, and God knows you were doing a pretty good job at it too.

That Ellie was the one assigned to you wasn't something you were mad about. You craved nothing more than the attention from the emerald green-eyed girl. Knowing that you two spent hours on patrol with nothing but meaningless conversations filling the air made life taste a bit sweeter. And Ellie felt the same way. From the moment you first exchanged words in Jackson, you both knew right away that whatever you had in your hearts for each other was too precious to let loose.

But now, that specific feeling you get whenever you think about her is probably the reason why you're scared in your living room, hiding from everything and everyone, but especially from her.

Having Ellie as your friend was incredible. You both talked about everything and always found playful words even in serious situations, lightening the burden on your minds. But being friends with her wasn't enough for you. You yearned to be closer, to have her in every way you could possibly want a human being. And that terrified you since your friend made her intentions about Dina very clear.

And having her as your patrol partner was the wisest decision Maria ever made. Even though you weren't always assigned to each other, the moments you shared on patrol were precious. The way you both moved in sync, anticipating each other's actions, spoke volumes. It was more than just duty; it was a connection that defied mere partnership.

At first,starting off new right after the parole training Tommy gave you, you were in a group with your cousin Dylan. He was a smart man, kind and caring—one of the closest people you'd ever call family. Not much older than you or your friends, but he lost his life in a fight with a bloader while the two of you went to check on an Abandoned School near Jackson. When you returned without Dylan by your side, the traumatic experience still etched into your bones, you explained the situation to Maria right away, sharing as many details as you could remember. You hoped that you wouldn't have to recount this nightmare of a story multiple times. You described to her exactly where it happened and how you somehow managed to escape, paying the price of Dylan losing his life while distracting the bloader. Maria promised to be there when you told all your family members and to send out a group of people to the building. Their mission: to finish off the bloater and retrieve whatever was left of Dylan for a somewhat respectful funeral. Something he deeply deserved.

After your conversation with Maria, she immediately called Ellie in to ask if it would be okay for her to pair with you. Returning to work wasn't something you originally had in mind, but in hindsight, Maria probably knew that working would keep your mind off things. She was also aware of the deep connection you had with Ellie. If she had assigned you to someone else, you might have been too terrified to venture close to the outside world ever again.

Ellie, however, always wanted to go on patrol with you. She hated the idea of you going with Dylan instead. It wasn't that she didn't like him; it was more that she felt like she lost control the moment the safe gates of Jackson closed, and she wasn't by your side.

The first couple of times the two of you went on patrol together were more challenging than you had anticipated. Sometimes, you believed you could still hear his screams echoing in the back of your mind. Other times, his anguished facefilled your thoughts, and you grappled with the regret of running in the opposite direction. The guilt of what you *should* have done never truly left your mind.

Maria, understanding the weight of your experience, altered the usual patrol routes for you and Ellie. She ensured that you both didn't have to cross the area where the incident with Dylan occurred. Deep down, you knew there was nothing you could have done to save Dylan, yet you couldn't help but blame yourself.

Ellie did her best to empathize, and you noticed and appreciated her efforts. While she couldn't erase all the pain, her presence made the feelings a little less overwhelming. You sensed that she was aware of this too since she let you sleep over at her place almost everyday since and somehow already knew when a new anxiety attack was about to happen without you even knowing it.However, over the past few weeks, you've been avoiding her, along with almost everyone else. The ache in your heart, triggered by thoughts of Ellie being with Dina, became too much for your frightened heart to bear. Distance seemed like the only viable solution—a way to shield yourself from the emotional storm.

On that bittersweet Monday,where the two of you headed out a little earlier than you'd prefer, the sun not yet fully awake, you embarked on a new route. Not far from Jackson, there lay a small town—one that Maria wanted both of you to investigate and "clean." With that purpose, you made your way over there.

As you and Ellie stepped into this town, its quiet streets greeted you. The air smelled of pine and nostalgia, and the sun cast long shadows across the wooden storefronts. Maria's instructions echoed in your mind.

Ellie walked beside you, her gaze scanning the facades. Her emerald eyes held a mix of curiosity and determination. You wondered what thoughts raced through her mind.

As you explored the town, you noticed faded murals on brick walls, their colors muted by time. Abandoned storefronts stood like sentinels, their windows boarded up, history locked within. The creak of a rusty swing in the town square hinted at children's laughter long gone. And somewhere, perhaps hidden in the shadows, lay the heart of this place.

With each step, you peeled back layers—the layers of dust, of stories, of forgotten dreams. The sun climbed higher, casting warmth on your shoulders.

"Hey, I thought I was funny!" Ellie's voice echoed in the back of your mind, snapping you back to reality and the conversation you and her had going on."God, Ellie, you know I love you lots, but do you have to be so weird?" you asked her, a smirk spreading across your face. "No idea what you're talking about, babe. Am I not allowed to express my love for clothing?" she said dramatically. "Not when you show up at a parole meeting wearing a cowboy hat?!" you said, laughing, recalling the expressions on Maria and Joel's faces when Ellie walked in. "It was a statement!" - "A fashion crime, that's what it was!" Your tone was amused. Ellie didn't respond to your playful jab and just shook her head, her laughter filling the air. That sound, that sweet sound you could never get enough of, made everything feel more than alright. It was just the two of you, on your horses, riding near a lake, continuing to cross the small town, laughing as if this was how it was meant to be. But the comfortable silence that enveloped both of you suddenly halted when you laid eyes on a massive, abandoned mall ahead. "Seems like we need to check this place out," Ellie said, her voice calm as she studied the map in her hands. You tightened your grip on the reins of your horse. "Alright, lead the way?" you asked her. She responded, "Already on it, princess." You rolled your eyes, but the nickname slid off you, making your heart beat faster.

Ellie dismounted her horse, handing you the reins. She strode toward the entrance, determined to open the massive door that separated you both from the darkness within. Meanwhile, you secured the horses to a nearby fence and joined Ellie, who stood waiting. "Ladies first," she quipped, making a sweeping gesture toward the freshly opened door. You rolled your eyes, a small smile tugging at your lips. As you prepared to step inside, Ellie's hand pulled you back. "Spores. Masks on," she mumbled, adjusting her own mask. You followed suit, the cool fabric pressing against your face. Stepping over the threshold, you moved quietly, attuned to the sounds echoing through the abandoned mall from clickers and runners. Ellie held her gun with unwavering resolve, and you mirrored her stance. Her gaze met yours, locking in a shared understanding."Try not to get bit," Ellie said, her voice low. "I don't really feel like shooting you in the head today. Maybe tomorrow, though." Her eyes crinkled, a smile hidden behind the mask. You couldn't help but grin. "Fuck you, Williams," -"Nah, I'd prefer somebody else doing it."

As the two of you make your way deeper into the building, talking nonsense quietly while finishing off Clickers on your way, A loud sound makes you and Ellie stop in your tracks. ''what the fuck was that...'' She mumbled, and you're looking past Ellie in the direction the horror sound was coming from. ''I…”You were unable to speak, move or even breathe because you recognized that sound immediately. ''Hey, are you okay?'' You heard her saying, she moved closer to you and softly grabbed your shoulder with her free hand, shifting your chest so you're looking into her direction again.'' Babe, are you okay?'' Ellie repeated her Question, looking for something in your eyes, you cannot make out. Yet again you were unable to answer, fear slowly making its way up into your lungs, preventing you from breathing properly. She was about to say something again, but she got interrupted by the sound of loud footsteps moving into your direction, revealing one of the most terrifying things this 'new' world has to offer. ''A fucking Bloader...'' Ellie's whisper recalled in your mind and without even knowing it, you're back with Dylan. You were back in the school with him by your side, you hear him screaming your name in pain, begging you to leave, you taste the blood of his on your tongue. You can't breathe. Tears started to form in your eyes, the world got blurry, and that anxious feeling from that same night made its way back into your bones. The feeling of Ellie's hands drifting away from your shoulder, just past to your underarm. Her grabbing your hand was the only thing you noticed before a jerky movement brought you back into reality. Ellie was leading you up an Escalator, running as fast as your guys lungs allowed. ''Fucking shit, we have to move, princess!'' She said, her voice demanding. You couldn't say anything, not even recognizing the nickname she gave you that normally makes your knees weak, the only thing you were able to do was moving with her, her soft hands grabbing your underarm being the only reason you were able to move in the first place.

You couldn't even notice the way Ellie ran a bit faster than you, not letting go of your hand while shooting down upcoming Runners and Clickers, snuffing out whatever life they still clung to. You couldn't even hear Ellie's words as she spoke to you, couldn't see her breaking down a random door and pushing you both inside, closing it firmly and securing it with whatever heavy material she found to lock you two in. Your mind was a whirlwind of panic, grief, and regret. You couldn't move, tears streaming down your cheeks as you tried to control your agonal respiration. The mask felt even more uncomfortable than it already was. Then, two soft hands carefully grabbed your face, removing the mask and gently resting on your skin. It was a lifeline back to reality.

"Babe, you're okay. We're safe. Come on, try to breathe with me, okay?"Her voice slowly penetrated your foggy brain. Your right hand automatically found her wrist, and for a moment, you tried to do what the brown-haired girl in front of you said—you tried to breathe. "Doing so good, Darling,"she encouraged. „Keep going. Focus on me, alright? Breathe in... hold it, love... okay, breathe out." The softness of her voice traveled up to your brain, dispelling the dark smoke that had clouded your thoughts. "Shit..."you whispered, not caring how pathetic you probably looked right now. Her eyes never left yours, and finally, you took your first real breath since arriving in the mall. "Yeah... that probably captures it best,"she said, her touch gentle as she caressed your cheek. She was still a bit out of breath from all the running.

You looked at her for a second longer, and for some inexplicable reason, everything didn't feel so dire anymore. Maybe it was because with Ellie by your side, you could never feel truly unsafe. A grin crept onto your face, and without bothering to hide it, you burst into laughter, tears still wetting your skin. Ellie stared at you, momentarily confused, but her expression softened. She wasn't able to hold on the grinning expression herself.

Ellie looked at you for a moment, her confusion giving way to laughter. "What the hell, the fuck was that?" you said, still chuckling. „I wish I fucking knew“ she said. Ellie's hands remained pressed against your cheeks, and you didn't mind at all. She grinned, pulling you a bit closer until her forehead rested against yours. "You feel okay, though?" she asked, her tone shifting back to concern. You replied quietly, "I'm with you, so... yeah." Ellie didn't say anything, but her touch lingered on your skin before she pulled away.

"Let's try to find a way out of here," she declared, already scanning the small store she'd barricaded you both into. Her movements were purposeful, and you appreciated her practicality. "I'm definitely not cleaning this entire mall up by myself."- „I mean, you did almost half of it already?“ you said, grinning again. „Yeah, the others can do the other half. I’m fucking done with this place.“

The closeness between you wasn't weird; it was familiar. Ellie had always been a touchable person, and you never complained. In fact, you loved the feeling of having her close—the warmth of her skin against yours. It had happened countless times before Hands touching a little too long, hugs that stretched into eternity, and mornings waking up tangled together. It was no longer something to overthink; it just was—a connection that transcended words.

You made your way through the store, noticing only just now that it used to be some sort of clothing shop. ''hey, look at that. Should I grab that for Dina?'' The voice from the opposite of the room bought your attention, you let your eyes travel their way to where your best friend is standing, holding up a basic brownish lined jacket, weirdly posing with it like she's some sort of model getting pictures taken. ''Yeah. Sure, do that.'' You said, already regretting how your voice sounded out loud. Ellie being in love with Dina wasn't news to you, you were the first person she ever told about her undeniable feelings towards Dina. That your heart shattered in about a million pieces isn't something you ever considered of telling her-You wanted to be supportive, knowing that Dina also felt the same about your best Friend. ''Is everything alright?'' Ellie said, confused by your lack of enthusiasm. ''Yeah, all good, just still, you know, fucked up from that bloader trying to rip us apart.'' You answered while pretending to look through some of the clothes. you practically didn't lie. The encounter with the bloader made you feel all weird and anxious, you were already struggling with not allowing yourself to even think about the incident and with that thing crossing your path it was almost inevitable to keep those memories locked away. Ellie looked at you as she isn't really buying it ''Hey, we don't have to leave right away. We surely can take a break?'' she suggested, making her way over to you. ''A break does sound fucking nice.'' You said, giving the slightly taller girl a tired smile. Ellie nodded at you, nudging your shoulder with hers while walking past you. Now opening a gray door behind the cash register with the words ''Employees only.'' written on lined paper.

Entering the common room was more than disappointing. Although there was an old sofa welcoming your stay, Ellie and you must've shared the same idea because before you could even make a step towards the in dark blue colored sofa, Ellie already dropped her body on it with a load groan. "Fuck you, move your ass over, El.'' You said, smirking as you moved to the small space. She looked up at you, her face blessed with another grin as she crossed her arms behind her head. ''Nah, I'm quite comfortable, thanks for suggesting it though!'' She closed her eyes and moved around on the cheap looking fabric to find the most comfortable position. ''Oh yeah? I mean, you wanted this. Practically dared me to do it'' You said. One of her closed eyes opened „what do you mean?“ she said. Without saying another word you set yourself as carefully as you can down on her lab. Ellie, on the other hand, dramatically lifted her upper body up, pretending to cough for much-needed air ''Help!! Help!! Doctor, I Can't breathe!'' Her arms went in every direction, making it seem like she's struggling to move, "c'mon, fuck you, I'm not even using my full body weight!" You said defending yourself. "Okay, okay, I'm done for. Dead, you won this round, you're officially the “Ellie defeater”.now get down!" She said, laughing as she gently pushed you from her lap. As you got up, Ellie actually made some space for you to sit down, which you did almost immediately. You lean your head against the wall behind you and look at your best friend now sitting leg crossed facing you. "You actually feeling okay tho?" she' asked for what felt like a million times today, which brought a small honest smile onto your face „yeah, as okay as I can be. Seeing that thing did bring some memories back, if rather forget. Thanks for saving me though" you said, playing with the strands of your jacket. „Yeah, glad to be your savior when time gets rough. You owe me one" she said, grinning. "Yeah, sure I owe you" you said. „Totally. Hmm," she said, pretending to think "what could you possibly do for me to regard me for saving your life?" with a grinning face she looked you up and down, and you knew immediately that what your friend had in mind wasn't something that's going to turn out good. „What are you thinking right now? Should I be scared?"- ''Don't know yet.'' Ellie said, lifting her body into a more comfortable sitting position."How about... I ask you a question, and you'll answer truthfully?" Ellie's words carried a weight of seriousness, and you couldn't help but feel anxious. "I'm always honest?" you replied, looking at her, bluffing with your answer. You knew that you weren't always honest, but you kept your own truth close to your heart because it wouldn't change the outcome anyway. Survival often required pretty white lies.

"Cut the bullshit. Okay, so... why are you avoiding Dina all of a sudden?" The question caught you off guard, and you looked at your best friend as if you'd just seen your dead cousin dancing with a Clicker in the distance. "What? I'm not?" you said, knowing Ellie wouldn't buy your bluff. "Hey, you promised to answer truthfully," she insisted, making you roll your eyes. "I never said I'll answer." You shrugged your shoulders, and Ellie gave you a slightly annoyed look.

"Babe... be honest," her voice calm and almost a whisper, her body leaning against the sofa frame. "Dina and I talked about this. She feels insecure, like she's done something wrong. And thinking about it, I feel like you've been avoiding me as well. The only time I ever see you is on patrol. It used to be more, you know? We barely talk. I think it's rather sad. Have I done something? Has Dina made you uncomfortable? Don't give me that look, love. I'm trying to understand you." Her voice shifted from calm to confused, and you knew right away that Ellie wouldn't let this go until she knew the real reason for your distance.

"No... Dina did nothing wrong."It's the only thing you're able to answer. You look down at your hand, playing with the matching bracelet you share with Ellie. „Did I do something...?"you hear her whisper, her voice filled with insecurity. Your heart clenches at the thought of being the reason why Ellie's overthinking her behavior. So, before you can overthink your next move, you look up to her. You move your body a bit closer and lay your hand on her knee, comfortably caressing the fabric of her skinny jeans.

"No... God, of course not. You did nothing wrong. It's just... it's me."Her eyes meet yours, and you know right then and there that you're fucked, unable to lie with her eyes looking at you like that. „What is it, then?"she whispers, resting her own hand on yours. The touch makes you feel like you need to run away as fast as possible. „I... I'm hurt, okay?"You say it with all the honesty in your heart. „Hurt? From what? Dina and I didn't—"You don't let Ellie finish her sentence. Instead, you get up from the comfortable sofa and run your hands over your face. "... this is exactly why I don't want to talk to either of you!"You're now standing in the middle of the room, looking at Ellie who remains in the same sitting position. Her eyes follow you as you pace the small common room.

"You and Dina, all day... when I hang out with you, you only tell me how beautiful she is, how perfect you guys are together, and how deeply in love you are. If I hang with D, it's the same fucking story."Your voice shakes with all the built-up anger inside of you. You're well aware that you don't have the right to be mad about those two people falling in love. You've never even addressed your feelings to anyone else except your mirror at 3 am. How are Ellie or Dina supposed to know that it's ripping you apart? "And what's your problem with that? And did Dina really say she’s into me too?" Ellie asks, and you couldn't help the tears already welling up in your eyes again. "Yes, she did, Ellie. You know she feels the fucking same," you say, your voice breaking into a desperate whisper.

"Hey, the fuck?" Ellie's voice is already alarmed with worry as she gets up to walk those three more steps, entering your personal space again. Her hand reaches for yours, but you subtly step away from her, your back slightly hitting the white wall behind you. "Love, what? Why are you crying? What does Dina feeling the same have to do with you avoiding us?" She asks, her eyes showing some sort of disappointment the second you stepped away from her."Just... forget it, okay? I don't want to talk about it." You mumble, your voice breaking. "But I want to talk about it." Ellie's eyes never leave yours until you look down at your dirty, almost broken Converse shoes. "Ellie, just leave it b—" You get interrupted by Ellie's sharp voice cutting you off. "For fucks sake, can you be fucking honest for once? I don't get your fucking problem. You don't talk, you ignore me and Dina, and now you're saying it's because Dina and I are falling for each other? I thought you're fucking happy for me! Like a best friend should be! I don't understand you, really, I don't." Her voice grows louder with every word. You try to say something again, but you can't bring yourself to talk. You notice Ellie walking toward you again, the wall behind you failing your escape. You felt anger rushing over you, mixed with regret and.. disappointment.

"How about you finally say what you think, huh? Can't go around treating your friends badly because you have some weird jealousy problems. It’s not my fault you don’t have other friends besides me”She's mad, and you know she doesn't understand your reasoning for drifting away from her. Deep down, you also know she's just hurt and, more importantly, scared of losing you.

"...Why are we still talking about this?" You say, and for the first time in what feels like forever, you look into her eyes. She's already looking at you, and god, she's close—too close. "We're going to talk about this until you tell me what's going on." Tears continue to stream down your face for the second time today but this time not because you were sad. You were angry, without even being sure at who you’re angry at.You shake your head, not wanting to answer, and begging to whatever is above you to somehow make Ellie drop the entire topic. ''No, no, you'll answer me right now. What the hell is wrong with you?'' Her hands grabbing your shoulders, pressing your body more against the wall behind you. „You already know it anyways, now let go of me.'' You said, although you were not even trying to pushing her away. ''Not until you answer me with your own words. I Can do this all day'' She said. ''fuck,els, you don't want to know, okay? Just forget it, let me go and let's get the hell out of here''-''So that you can ignore me again? Hell no, we're having this talk now even if it's the last thing I’ll do'' She demanded. ''I don't know what you want from me right now, Ellie!'' you said, voice rising as well with every new word leaving your lips. ''The truth! Why the fuck are you avoiding us?!'' You closed your eyes, taking all that bravery you have left inside you to speak the next heart wracking words filled with honesty. ''Because I Can't handle you falling for somebody else. Because knowing you want her breaks my fucking heart, because I want to be the girl you think about, talk about, dream about! Because I fucking love you, okay?! I’m sorry!” You looked at her, eyes scared, like a little puppy. She didn't answer but didn't let go of your shoulder either. ''you happy now?'' You said and before Ellie could prevent it, you took the moment of her confusion as a way to escape her grip, pushing her away slightly. That movement was the wake-up call Ellie needed because she grabbed your shoulder again just to push you into almost the same position, back pressed against the cold wall.

And suddenly, you waited—waited what felt like ages—for the eclipse of her cutting words to happen. You anticipated her telling you to never talk to her again, accusing you of selfishness, and lamenting the ruin of a perfectly good friendship. But instead, there was silence. The only sound that reached your ears was her deep breathing, mirroring your own. And in that hot, suspended moment, you feared she could hear your heart beating, laid bare and vulnerable for her to either take or break. You studied her face intently, fear gripping your heart. Scared of what you might find in her expression. She does the same. Ellie's eyes traced every contour, mapping your features as if committing them to memory. And then, abruptly, her gaze halted. It rested on your lips-

"What are you doing?" you barely whispered, your voice a fragile thread in the charged air. The brown-haired girl lifted her gaze to meet your eyes once more, only to trace a deliberate path back down to your lips. A soft, almost imperceptible pressure settled against your chin, her hands holding you in place. Her thumb danced gently over your bottom lip, igniting a flutter of anticipation within you. You swallowed, the moment hanging suspended—a fragile bridge between friendship and something more you’re not ready to cross. "Ellie..." you murmured, the syllables almost lost in the charged silence. Her face drew closer to yours, breaths mingling, and before you could draw your next breath, her lips crashed onto yours without further hesitation. A simple kiss, yet it ignited a cosmic explosion within you. Her lips on yours transformed the quietude into a kaleidoscope of colors. Every rational thought in your brain was stripped away, replaced by her presence—the warmth of her hand still cradling your chin, the delicate shift as it left your shoulder to encircle your waist. Your fingers, guided by instinct, wove through her tousled hair, pulling her closer. Because when it's Ellie, close is never close enough.

As you finally convinced yourself to pull away, the air around you seemed to shimmer with heat. But your brain? It was a tangle of wordless wonder, unable to string coherent thoughts together. So, without hesitation, you drew her back into your space, pressing your soft lips against hers once more.

———————————————————

The ride back was weird. The air around the two of you, once filled with comfortable silence, had shifted. Now, it hung heavy with unspoken words, a chasm between you that seemed insurmountable.

After the kiss, neither of you said much. You swiftly wiped away your tears on the gray sweater you wore—a piece that belonged to Dylan, a memory of another time. Ellie, unable to meet your gaze, chose the only sensible course of action: finding a way out of the mall, escaping the charged atmosphere that clung to you both. Escaping you. And so, you found a backdoor, a clandestine escape from the weirdness that had enveloped you both. Even as you stepped into the outside world, a part of you wished you could linger within those walls a little longer. The horse up front awaited you, and you mounted it, riding away from the mall. The silence between you and Ellie weighed heavily, an unspoken question echoing: Why did it all become so weird?

Embarrassment clung to the silence, and you wondered what comfort you had once found in the noise—the cacophony of everyday life. But answers eluded you. As you returned to Jackson, Ellie by your side, you led the horses back to the stable. Maria received a brief explanation about the situation inside the building, her eyes curious but respectful. And then, without uttering a single word, you and Ellie went your separate ways. The silence remained, a chasm that neither of you dared to bridge.

This was 2 Days, 5 Hours and 54 Minutes ago. But who's Counting, right?

Ever since then, knowing you had three days off parole with her, you barricaded yourself at home. Maria didn't question it; she probably assumed it was because the bloader brought back too many memories. You certainly wouldn't correct her on that theory. Instead, you settled by the big window in your living room, watching raindrops trace their paths on the glass. But it couldn’t it stay that way and you knew eventually you'd have to talk to her, face her, and work with her. You didn't want things to become even more awkward than they already were. So you prepared yourself for a long, difficult talk.

With what felt like hours of convincing yourself and an argument you played out in your head, you got up and made yourself look presentable again. Leaving the comfort of your house, you took a little walk around the built neighbourhood in Jackson, pondering what you'd even say to her. Instead of taking the short road leading directly to Ellie's safe four walls, you made your way to one of the information stations across town, just to have a quick look at next week's schedule.

Arriving there, you meet a friendly face: Sophia. She's almost like Maria's right hand, diligently putting up new lists every week. You give her a small smile, though the turmoil inside you threatens to spill over. Her pitying look doesn't go unnoticed. Your eyes scan the handwritten list, searching for your and Ellie's names, followed by the assigned route. But something catches your attention: Ellie's name isn't next to yours anymore; it's now paired with Dina. You blink, thinking it's some cruel, messed-up joke. Your eyes dart around, seeking your initials, and there they are—next to Jesse.

"What the hell?" you mumble, the confusion swirling in your mind. Sophia approaches, sensing your distress. "Can I help you with anything?" she asks, her voice gentle. You hesitate, then blurt out, "Why am I assigned with Jesse instead of Ellie? Is this some sick joke?"

Regret tinges your voice; it's not Sophia's fault. Mistakes happen, right? She shifts uncomfortably, glancing at You. "Oh, Maria didn't talk to you yet?" she says, reading your expression. "Uhm, Williams, here." She points to the list, where Ellie's name is scrawled in an unsteady handwriting. "Asked Maria to switch parole partners... I don't know why," Sophie mumbles, fear evident in her eyes on how you'd take the news.

You turn to the door hearing a cracking sound, and there's Maria, striding toward you with multiple papers in hand.

"Maria, what the—" Your words catch in your throat. Maria's weathered face meets your gaze. "Hey, sweetie, don't give me that look," she says gruffly. "I tried to talk Ellie out of it, but she insisted on changing partners. Didn’t even gave me an explanation but I could tell she was serious. And since you and Jesse are friends as well, I thought it wouldn't make much of a difference. He can help you out” she said, making it sound like not a big deal.

She insisted on changing.

The words hang in the air, a sledgehammer to your already fragile heart. Is this how it’s going to be from now on? What are you supposed to do?

#ellie tlou #ellie williams #joel and ellie #the last of us #ellie the last of us #tlou #tlou2 #joel miller #joel tlou #elliexreader #elliewilliams #ellie x fem reader #ellie #ellie x reader #reader x character #ellie x you #last of us

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astrolo-t · 2 years ago

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Am literally writing a long fluffy lifetime movie-esque fic featuring ellie and reader....I hate myself so much for this but PEOPLE its so fucking cute I can'tttttt

#maybe itll be smutty for like A SECOND but mostly cute #like #it's giving hallmark #hallmark christmas movie tbh #elliexreader #no one really likes long /multi part fics I notice #but i enjoy writing them 😩#cant be helped

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undressrehearsal · 11 months ago

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me: I think I'll write a short fanfic. I haven't written any in years and I think it'll be fun

also me: fic is 1K words already and I'm still at the beginning of the story

#this is how it always happened #cycles are repeating #something something sisyphus #its gonna be an ellie tlou fic btw #trying something new #ellie williams #ellie the last of us #first time writing second person pov #but reading htn prepared me for this #didnt have a pairing i wanted to write her in and didnt wanna make up an oc so #and ik ppl love elliexreader fics

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elliesbelle · 1 year ago

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hiii love idk if you’re taking requests but if you are, would you be able to do something elliexreader based off of the song wish you were sober or heather by conan gray <3

while i die

chapter 1

pairing: best friend!ellie x reader

synopsis: only if ellie knew how much you loved her. but she likes someone better.

content warnings: modern au, cursing, angst, unrequited love, no comfort

word count: 4.3k

chapters: 1) while i die, 2) rained on with you, 3) eviscerated

series masterlist

my masterlist

i have a ko-fi if you like my work so much that you feel compelled to tip me ♡︎

the heartbreak trilogy spotify playlist

based on the conan gray song "heather"

a lot of y’all have asked for a part 2 to this one-shot, so i made a promise that if y’all get my friend’s band “equal creatures” to 350 followers on spotify, you will get a part 2 ♥︎

You roll over in bed towards your nightstand after a restless night of sleep. The first thing you reach for is your phone, which had been blaring for a while to wake you for work. You hit the seductive “snooze” button, not having any actual intentions to fall back asleep but knowing that you’ll stay lying in bed for two more hours if you’re not reminded to get up every eight minutes a few times.

Unlocking your phone, you check your messages first. Two texts: one from your best friend Beth and another from your close coworker Lina. As you read their respective messages, you feel a black hole beginning to open up in your stomach.

She still hasn’t texted me back…

After responding blandly to your friends, you reluctantly open up Instagram and scan the stories of the people you follow. You ignore all that of your friends and instead tap on the one with the picture of a face you’ve memorized like the back of your hand. When it opens, your stomach lurches and your eyes go glassy.

The first story was posted the night before and is of a tattooed hand holding a bouquet of flowers with a caption that reads, “her faves.” You notice that the flowers are pink camellias. Her new girlfriend’s favourite flowers. Your favourite flowers.

The next story was that of two hands woven together with a caption that read, “she loved the flowers” right next to them with several heart emojis. One of the interlaced hands was adorned with several silver rings, one of which you recognized very well. You were the one who picked it out and gifted it to her.

“Dude, what! This looks fucking amazing!” Ellie cried out.

In her hands, she held a small, velvet blue box with a silver ribbon falling around it, unwrapped. Inside the box, safely cushioned, was a shiny, silver ring.

“Wait, wait, wait,” You said, excitedly. “Check this out.”

You picked the ring up from the box, lifting it up to her eye level. Delicately, you twisted what looked like a tiny hinge on the side to reveal that the ring actually contained multiple bands. The outer, exposed brim was decorated with ornate spirals. The next one had Latin engravings that you vaguely recognized as astronomical terms. The innermost hoops were inscribed with the symbols of the Western zodiac. You twisted the hinge back the other way to once more conceal the inner bands and give it the appearance of a singular ring again.

“Holy fucking shit!” Ellie cussed loudly, dropping the box to clutch at your hands still holding the ring. “How the fuck?!”

She snatched the ring out of your fingers, twisting the ring open and closed over and over. You giggled at her childlike enthusiasm.

“So… You like it?” You asked, chuckling.

“Fuck, yeah! Of course I love it!” She exclaimed. “It looks like a fucking armillary sphere!”

“I genuinely have no idea what that is or what that means,” You admitted truthfully. “But as long as it makes you happy—”

“Dude, of course it does!” She said excitedly. “You are the greatest best friend ever. Oh man, I’m never taking this shit off.”

Ellie tried it out on several fingers and found that it fit best on her left ring finger. You desperately pushed away any and all implications of the positioning.

“You really know me so well, man,” She sighed, admiring the ring on her hand. “You didn’t have to get this for me! It’s not even my birthday or anything!”

You shrugged nonchalantly, even if the intentions behind your generosity were anything but nonchalant.

“I just saw it and thought that you might like it.”

“Well, you were wrong because I love it.”

Ellie gave you a huge grin that ignited a wildfire in your stomach.

“Oh! It’s made of sterling silver too, none of that cheap shit. So it won’t leave you with those gross, green stains or anything.”

Ellie looked at you completely dumbfounded.

“I really don’t know what I did to deserve you in my life.”

You tap uneasily to view Ellie’s following story. The fingers holding your phone grow cold and begin to tremble as your eyes warily take in the face of Ellie’s new girlfriend.

She was incredibly beautiful, undeniably so. Her eyes sparkled, mirroring the gentleness of a clear, blue sky on a bright, sunny day. She had the face of an angel, the ones you’d see in Renaissance paintings: pure, gentle, exquisite. The genuine, trustworthy look on her face makes it impossible for any sane person to hate her.

Some part of you still did. But being desperately in love with your best friend meant you weren’t fully sane in the first place.

You realize that she’s wearing a familiar sweater: Ellie’s favourite grey, polyester hoodie. You of all people knew how incredibly attached to that sweater she was, almost like it was a safety blanket. You couldn’t blame her; it was soft, warm, comforting. She took better care of it than she usually did the rest of her clothes. And it always smelled like Ellie.

The caption for this picture was, “someone stole my favourite hoodie.” She’d tagged another Instagram account, sunny-heather, and it took everything in you not to click on it.

Ellie’s girlfriend posed shyly with a bashful smile, throwing up a peace sign. It appeared as if Ellie had caught her mid-giggle. She had a perfect manicure, straight white teeth, dimples on each side of her face. She looked so sweet, nauseatingly so.

She looked so beautiful wearing that sweater.

December had just begun and the weather was finally catching up with the season. After a mostly and uncommonly warm month of November, you hadn’t bothered wrapping up earlier that morning before leaving the house. It was to your detriment when around midday, you were hit with gusts of brisk air that brought goosebumps to your bare, uncovered arms.

Later that afternoon, you and Ellie visited your local Starbucks for both situational and liquid heat. Ellie had taken pity on your shivering form all day and lent you her hoodie, having already been wearing a warm, long-sleeved shirt underneath. You’d initially declined it, but when your body began to reach hypothermic levels, you quickly pulled it over your head and accepted its polyester warmth.

As you got in line to order, Ellie was teasing you for your poor choice of winter attire.

“This is why you check the weather before you leave your house, dummy.”

“It was 62 degrees over the weekend! I didn’t know it was going to be this cold all of a sudden!”

“Dude, it’s already the third of December. You should have expected it to get cold as shit at some point.”

“At some point! But not yet, I’m not ready!”

Ellie playfully rolled her eyes at your sheer stubbornness as the cashier called you forward. You both ordered large hot chocolates, neither of you a huge fan of coffee. You and Ellie played a brief dance of who was going to pay for your drinks. Ellie eventually and quickly won, as she usually did. You conceded and consented to be the one to leave some cash in the tip jar before you both scooted over to the side towards the pick-up counter. You bickered affectionately back and forth until your drinks were eventually placed in front of you.

You visited this particular Starbucks regularly, partly because of its convenience in distance to both your apartment and your job. But mostly, it was larger than a usual café and spacious enough for several quiet, peaceful corners for patrons to occupy. Ellie’s and your favourite spot was a table on the loft-like second floor where you could look down at other customers and make up stories or pass off harmless, though sometimes needless, judgment.

As you carefully sipped your hot chocolate, you and Ellie made your way upstairs to your usual, unoccupied table. You made yourself comfortable, sitting across from her. She rolled up her sleeves instinctively, showing off her arm tattoos, including the one of a moth perched on top of several ferns. Of all her tattoos, that one had always been your favourite.

“So are you planning on wearing my sweater all day or—?” She inquired.

“What do you mean ‘your’ sweater? This is mine now.” You proclaimed.

“Hey!” She protested. “Don’t you dare think of stealing my favourite hoodie!”

“It’s just so comfy!” You giggled. “And it’s so soft and cozy, and you know how much I love polyester.”

“Thief.” Ellie chuckled.

You made a show of burrowing into the hoodie in order to claim your clothed territory. Ellie laughed at your goofiness.

“See, this sweater was made just for me!” You insisted, returning to a regular position.

“I mean, I will admit that it does look better on you than it does on me.”

You blinked.

“Really?” You asked.

“For sure, dude,” Ellie insisted. “I just look like some boring, basic white dude when I wear it. But I don’t know, you kind of pull it off.”

“I pull off a plain, grey sweater?”

“I don’t know what to tell you, man! You just look cute in it!”

Your cheeks grew so warm that their heat rivaled that of your hot chocolate.

Before you could properly respond to Ellie’s casual, off-handed compliment, she spoke up once more.

“We should really come here more often.” She said.

“Oh, umm,” You began, still reeling from the moment. “Yeah, we should. We don’t go as often as we did back in high school.”

“Yeah, we really wasted our allowance on so many shitty, dry cake pops.” Ellie recalled. You laughed at the fond memory.

“Why the sudden interest though?” You asked curiously.

“I mean, this used to be our ritual, you know? Getting drinks and just hanging out here for hours.”

“You know, we do that everywhere else already, El.” You smiled, shaking your head.

“Okay, true, true,” Ellie relented. “Buuuut, did you happen to see the barista that took our orders earlier?”

Your eyebrows furrowed before looking down towards the ground floor and scanning the front counter. You weren’t quite sure which one of the several baristas had served you, not having paid much attention when you were putting your orders in.

“Uhh, I guess? I mean, not really.” You admitted. “Why?”

“What do you mean ‘why’?” Ellie playfully scoffed in surprise. “You didn’t see that she was hot as fuck?”

Your stomach dropped at her words.

“O-oh.” You murmured. “I guess I didn’t notice.”

“Come on, dude, you have eyes! She was gorgeous!”

You gulped as you felt your heart plummet towards the floor.

“Do you think I should ask for her number?” Ellie questioned, completely oblivious to your shift in demeanour as she tried to sneak a peek at the front counter below.

“Oh, umm, sure, I guess so.”

“I mean, I don’t wanna come off as a creep. Plus, she might not even be gay.”

Your fingertips grew colder and colder with each second that passed, despite the way you were grasping your warm cup tightly. You would have been more worried about your drink exploding in your hand if you were much more present in the moment.

“What am I talking about, she works here. Of course she’s gay.” Ellie chuckled at her own joke.

You could barely muster enough of your trembling voice to reply, settling for a seemingly agreeable hum.

“What do you think, dude?” Ellie asked, finally turning back towards you.

You feigned a smile, succeeding only in giving her a weak, partial one.

“Go ahead, El. Why not?”

Ellie’s last Instagram story was what sent a jagged knife through your heart.

It was a video this time: she had her arm wrapped around her girlfriend, who was still wearing her hoodie. Both wearing wide smiles, they were both snickering about something for a moment or two.

Then Ellie planted a kiss on her lips. And again. And again.

As the video ends with their lovey-dovey giggling, your lips let out an involuntary sob. You press your fists onto your eyes in an attempt to stop the tears from falling. Head throbbing and gut nauseated, your body trembles from the waves of anguish crashing down on you.

You stare at the ceiling and consider staying home from work. Nobody would benefit from being around your zombie-like presence. But feeling pathetic about missing work as a consequence to your broken heart, you chastise yourself for the mere thought of it.

You spend a few minutes composing yourself, pushing every emotion to the back of your brain as forcefully as you can. It seems to last for a lifetime, but you’re able to eventually soothe your tears and take several deep breaths.

Forcing your lifeless body out of bed, you begin your pre-work morning routine. The streaks on your cheeks from the unfaithful tears previously falling were scrubbed away when you washed your face. Tremoring fingers prepare your breakfast, which you end up mostly throwing out as a result of a queasy stomach. It feels completely futile to continue your day, but Ellie’s world continues to turn. Why shouldn’t yours?

You’re at work, spacing out as you’d been doing so often recently. Coworkers continue to ask throughout the day if you’re alright, but you merely smile every time and assure them that you’re just tired. That same smile fades once you turn away, a vacant expression taking its place once more.

Before you came to work, you made the resolve not to check your phone every twenty minutes to see if your previously unread texts were responded to. But as each hour passes, fighting the urge becomes more of a struggle.

On your lunch break, you relent and finally check your messages. You only have one unread text from your best friend Beth, checking on you. None from Ellie.

You begin to chew nervously on your lip before switching to your nails when your friend and coworker Lina finds you. She pulls up a chair to sit next to you before tugging your fingers away from your lips.

“I thought you stopped biting your nails,” She says, frowning. “You were doing so well.”

“Sorry, Li-Li,” You reply, gingerly pulling your hand back. “I just—”

“What happened now?” Lina asks knowingly.

“Nothing,” You sigh. “That’s literally it. Nothing. She hasn’t texted me or called me or anything. She hasn’t even read my messages or even seen my Instagram stories.”

“Babe…” Lina says sympathetically.

Your friends have been lovingly chastising you lately for obsessively checking if Ellie had viewed your Instagram or Snapchat stories. You’d unintentionally trained your eyes to scan through your stories’ viewers to spot Ellie’s picture and username. Whenever you wouldn’t spot a picture of the auburn-haired girl among the list, you’d fight the instinctive urge not to break down every time.

“You can’t be doing that anymore,” Lina continues. “You’re driving yourself crazy.”

“What am I supposed to do, Lina?” You ask desperately. “It’s the only thing I get from her nowadays, and it’s barely anything.”

“Exactly, it’s barely anything,” Lina repeats. “I know you love her, but…”

“I know, Li-Li.”

“She’s not even being a good friend right now. You deserve better than that.”

“I really don’t.”

“Stop that. Yes, you do.”

“I just want her, Li.”

“She’s obviously not good for you, honey.”

Your phone buzzes from your alarm alerting you that your break has ended. You stand up from your chair.

“I’ll talk to you later, Li-Li.”

You hadn’t replied to Ellie all day, ignoring her texts asking if you wanted to come over and hang out.

Ever since that day when Ellie asked out the girl from the coffee shop, she’d been spending immense amounts of her free time with her. The rest was spent with you, talking about her. Ellie hadn’t been much of a talker ever since you were both kids, but now she was endlessly babbling to you about her new girlfriend.

You’d learned that her name was Heather Sonnen. She was in her final year of college and was attending a university nearby. She was studying to become a veterinarian and had a golden retriever named Sunny. Her favourite colour is purple. She likes to go hiking and kayaking on the weekends when she’s not working. She was very good at kissing and even better in bed.

Every little detail you learned about her felt like yet another crack on your already broken heart. You spent many sleepless nights bawling alone in your bed, screaming and crying over a pathetic love you could never do anything about.

It felt so sick, so pitiful that a girl who would never kiss you or touch you or love you took up every corner of your mind. You knew you could never be pretty enough, never amount to Ellie’s idea of a dream girl. And this new beautiful, angelic girl she’d fallen for continued to prove that.

You would watch the way Ellie’s eyes lit up any time she spoke about her, the goofy grin on her face every time she said her name. You’d seen Ellie through several other relationships, each one treating your heart like a Hans Moretti box. But this time, her glow was brighter and her smiles were wider. You could tell just how far and how hard she’s fallen.

As you were laying on your bed, your phone buzzed as you received another text from Ellie. You ignored it and closed your eyes, having no desire to hear more about her perfect saint of a girlfriend. After several more minutes passed, your phone began buzzing in succession. You sighed, waited a few moments, and eventually relented to answer it.

“Hey, Els,” You greeted her. “Sorry, I was napping just now.”

“Oh, my bad, dude. I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“It’s okay.”

“Have you not seen my messages though? I’ve been texting you all day.” Ellie demanded.

“Oh, sorry, I just haven’t really been on my phone today.” You lied.

“Bullshit, man, you’re always on that thing.”

“It’s the truth, Els, I promise.” You lied once more.

After a second or two as Ellie considered your words, she responded.

“Alright, well, I was trying to see if you wanted to hang out today.”

You stopped yourself from audibly sighing.

“Sorry, I can’t today. Got a lot of shit to catch up on and take care of.”

“Come on, dude, blow it off. I haven’t seen you all week.”

“I really can’t, Els, not today.”

You heard Ellie exhale in frustration on the other end of the line.

“What’s been with you lately? We’ve barely hung out this month and you take forever to text or call me back nowadays.”

You began to chew the inside of your cheek.

“I’ve just… been going through a lot lately. That’s all.”

“What, and you can’t tell me about it?”

“N-not really.”

“Why not? I thought we’re best friends. And don’t say that Beth is your best friend; I 100% had you first.”

“We are, we are, but—“

“If something’s going on with you, I seriously wanna know.”

“It’s nothing important or specific. Just been struggling mentally and all. Not been having the best time.”

A moment or two passed where you held your 1breath, hoping she’d buy yet another lie.

“Okay. I’m sorry you’re going through that right now. Can I do anything for you?”

“No, it’s okay.” You replied, sighing in relief. “I’ll be okay.”

“Alright, well, if you change your mind, just let me know.”

“I will.” You said, knowing you never would. You couldn’t do that to her.

“I—“ You began nervously. “I’m really sorry about today, Els.”

“It’s okay, dude.”

“Maybe tomorrow, if you—“

“Ahh, can’t tomorrow, I have plans with my pretty girl.”

“Oh. Okay.”

“Actually, I’ll text Heather in a bit and see if she can hang out right now so we can get a head start on our all-day date tomorrow. I planned out all this romantic ass shit to do.”

“Ahh.” You replied, voice constrained in pain. Ellie didn’t notice.

“Oh dude, I didn’t even tell you about this new strap I got for her—“

“Hey, Els,” You interrupted, not wishing to hear the rest of her sentence. “I think I hear someone at my door. I’ll call you back in a little bit, okay?”

“Oh, okay, that’s fine. I’ll be right here.”

“Right. Bye, Els.”

“Talk to you soon—“ She was saying as you quickly hung up the phone, unable to further control the sobs that had been threatening to emerge ever since Ellie had said her name.

You rolled to your side and hugged your legs to your chest, attempting to calm your hyperventilations. There was a ringing in your ears accompanied by Ellie’s words.

“…my pretty girl.”

“…planned out all this romantic ass shit…”

“…this new strap I got for her—“

You’d been trying desperately to be a good friend to Ellie for the past month, despite everything. You’d listened and planned and supported, all the things a best friend should do. But the more mesmerized Ellie grew, the more everything within you died.

You never bothered calling Ellie back that day.

The drive home from work was mundane and uneventful. An old song sung by Ray Charles about being in love with your best friend plays on the radio. The second bridge is cut off when you turn the key in the ignition and exit your car.

The steps you take to reach your apartment feel heavy, and it takes everything in you not to collapse where you are. You don’t even bother to take off your shoes when you cross the threshold into the dark entryway. The cushions of your living room couch wheeze sadly as you collapse into them.

You drop your work bag onto the floor next to you before turning on the TV. Eventually, you choose to put on some basic early 2000s sitcom as easy background noise. It’s something you’ve seen several times before and your mind doesn’t fully process what the plot is or who the characters are or what episode you’re on.

Your eyes gaze away from the television screen and to a blank space on one of the walls. There’s a spot where the wall’s off-white paint was accidentally streaked off the first week you moved in. Ellie had been helping you hang a picture up, and you were fooling around too much that the ladder you’d been using almost slid down and left a mark. You never bothered covering it up.

You stare at the mark as if it’d transport you back to that day, back to the mostly carefree moments when pining after your best friend was a mere minor inconvenience. But her love for another and ignorance of your struggle turned that inconvenience into an anguish you were not prepared for.

That day you fully accepted the feelings you had for Ellie, there was something within that knew instinctively that you could never have her. She was an impossible dream that the universe cruelly created to be untouchable. Deep inside, you knew a long time ago that your plain, boring friendship was just a placeholder for something bigger and more meaningful in her life. And she seems to have finally found that.

Blinking yourself out of your stupor, you eventually tear your eyes away from the wall. You take your phone out of a pants pocket and open up Instagram. Accepting the feelings of miserable self-pity, you once again scan your stories’ viewers for Ellie’s name. You finally spot it. You let out a sad sigh.

I guess she at least remembers I exist.

Orange and purple dance around Ellie’s profile picture before you tap on it. She’d posted a story from a local band she liked and another about a new video game release she was excited about. The last was a selfie of her posing in her bathroom mirror.

It was an inconsequential picture, just another Ellie thirst trap. She looked handsome in it as she always did. But something catches your eye, and you wish it didn’t.

On her left ring finger, she was wearing a silver ring. But it wasn’t one you recognized. It wasn’t the silver ring you’d gotten for her. The one she always wore on that finger.

Maybe the ring accidentally broke. Maybe it got dirty and she has yet to clean it. Maybe she just felt like switching it out for a day.

Each excuse you come up with seems more and more pathetic. You know there was no point in justifying it, no point in finding reason. You know that Ellie wasn’t overanalyzing it. Not like you are now.

Your heartbeats are heavy and you suppress the reflex to throw up. You open up your messages and tap on Ellie’s contact, knowing the most rational thing was to simply move on and continue being her friend. But what you find abruptly breaks your heavy heartbeats.

The text messages you had sent still remained unanswered. But there was a slight change.

She read my texts… five hours ago…

Ellie wasn’t always a big texter, always preferring old-school face-to-face interaction. But with you, she had always been the kind of friend to respond right away. Even if just to say she was busy and would respond when she was free, she never left you hanging.

Your jaw tenses and your vision momentarily becomes blurry. Your bottom lip trembles and you find that you can’t stop hastily bouncing your right knee. Tears form behind your eyes and your cheeks grow feverish, but you’re unable to process or feel anything except the movement in your hands.

Your shaky fingers lead you to Ellie’s contact in your phone without a second thought. You click “Edit” and delete every piece of information, from her picture to her birthday to her nickname. You save your changes and scroll downwards. You stop sharing your location with her before glancing at those conclusive three words in red right at the bottom.

Block this caller.

Without hesitation, you definitively tap the button.

author's notes:

this was very therapeutic. did this describe something i’ve been going through lately? no why would you think that what gave you that crazy impression ahahaha (shut up no i'm not thinking and pining over my ex, shut up!)

pink camellias because pink camellias represent longing lmaooo, i love symbolism and etc.

the ring reader gave ellie is based on a couple ring i gave to my my ex-girlfriend (the one i live with, not the one i’m in love with)! it’s super cool, i felt like it would be something ellie would wear!

is the part about reader obsessively checking if ellie has viewed their insta stories based on real life? no, why the fuck would you say that

the whole starbucks and hot chocolate thing is a little reference to something in my personal life but i refuse to elaborate further

me once again inserting myself in reader with them always saying they’re tired when someone asks if they’re okay cause news flash, i’m always tired 🙂

reader’s friends’ names beth and lina are inspired by my irl best friend and work bestie’s names :)

ellie’s gf’s last name is purposeful but i again refuse to elaborate further

the ray charles song mentioned is “you don’t know me” but my fave rendition is actually by jann arden from the “my best friend’s wedding” soundtrack (my family’s obsessed with the score of that movie, we had the tape and then the CD of it and played it nonstop growing up)

sorry this took forever to write cause LOL it may have been a little hard cause it was a little TOO autobiographical... hope y'all enjoy anyway lmao

taglist: @elliessknife, @mina-2812, @bellasfavepansexual, @slaysksmska, @theganymedes, @sno-leopards, @cosmikoo, @elliesnumber1gf, @eleactric, @thatgiraffefromtlou, @bellswlw, @kissesforells, @ratdungeon, @elliewilliams8fingers, @wex--12

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letmesleep8 · 2 months ago

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the fucking punchline // elliexreader

CHAPTER 1: White Carnations

Ao3

content warnings/tags: drug usage (weed), implied daddy issues

notes: hello lesbians! this is my second ever fanfiction here on tumblr, quick reminder: i didn't drop the other one. this is kinda slowburn and also kinda daisy jones & the six inspired, so if you like that book you might like this too. i'll always link up the songs I used in the story at the end of the chapter. hope you enjoy. <3

taglist: @lorelaihehe @lonelyfooryouonly

•─────⋅☾ ☽⋅─────••─────⋅☾ ☽⋅─────••─────⋅☾ ☽⋅─────•

September 09th, 2023

Time shakes, found you at the water

At first you were a problem my father, now I love you like a father a brother

Earthquakes shake the dust behind you

This world at times will blind you

Still I know I’ll see you there

The calloused, ink stained hands scribbled on a sketchbook, next to a drawing of what seemed to be a wolf. On the same page, Ecology notes got lost between chord progressions and two-sentence long lyrics. Near the margin, a quick but precise drawing of Dina’s eyes.

Ellie was sitting in the corner of her Organic Chemistry lecture at Jackson’s Community College, hiding her freckled body under a gray sweatshirt and her sleepy eyes behind overgrown face-framing bangs. As the professor finally called the class off, she got up from her seat, walking to her visibly well loved truck, its blue paint holding scratches and slight dents, clearly faded from the sun

I sat on my window as I watched her old truck drive by, as loud as always. I was waiting for my nails to dry, afraid that the maroon polish would stick to everything if I didn’t have the patience to let it take its sweet time. She got off her truck and stepped on her cigarette before going through the front door.

I had met Jesse a few weeks earlier, it was karaoke night at the bar. I managed to get a few drinks from the old creeps there and was already feeling a bit too “happy” when I stepped onto the improvised stage we had set up and gave that bikers’ bar the best drunk performance of “Hopelessly Devoted to You” they had ever seen.

I have always loved to sing. Writing, playing the guitar, putting up concerts for my family in my living room. Music is my soul. But I’ve come from a reality where art wasn’t an option, being an artist would not pay my rent, nor would it show to my parents that I wasn’t a complete disaster. So I worked as a waitress and saved up to the last cent of any tips I would get, only spending enough to pay my parents my contribution to what they spent so I could go to cosmetology school

After I finished my fifteen minutes of fame, I went back to the cold reality and started cleaning up some tables. That was when Jesse came up to me, drunk and full of compliments to give. He had a girl beside him, Dina. He started rambling about his band and how they’re so good that they even do weddings, and then he asked me if I had ever auditioned for a singing gig at all. I was full of confidence and whisky, so I gave him my number when he said they could use another vocalist

The next morning I had basically forgotten about my new deal, and I figured he would have forgotten about it too. But I was wrong. The boy did not forget about it, in fact, he kept calling me to schedule my “audition”. So I finally gave in. I grabbed my guitar case and started walking to the address he gave me. It was just down the street from my house, at the Miller’s. I held the case on my shoulder and walked towards the open garage door. There were Dina, Jesse and the girl I had only seen from my window every now and then.

– You actually came! – Jesse got up from his seat, walking his way to me. – Oh, you play the guitar too? Damn, Williams, found someone else to do your work. – He joked and the girl gave him an annoyed look, sitting comfortably on the old chair inside the garage. I couldn’t help but observe how her thighs set apart from each other and her head was thrown back mindlessly.

– So, are you gonna show me what you’re all about? You seem to have really impressed the other two. – She gestured for me to sit on a stool, her voice was, honestly, cold but not in an unfriendly way. She seemed nonchalant, but not distant. Her green eyes had the warmth her mouth seemed to lack and her face was strangely expressive, like someone who had spent their developing years in front of the tv instead of talking to people, but it complemented her sharp voice just perfectly.

– This is a song I wrote a few weeks ago. It’s not finished yet, but I think it’s fine. – I spoke as I tuned in the guitar while keeping my eyes mostly on the girl, who seemed to be paying close attention to me and, at the same time, seemed to disdain me.

She analyzed my every move as I started singing. I could see some curiosity peeking through her eyes when I began performing the first verse.

“She's asleep in the backseat

Looking peaceful enough to me

But she's wakin' up inside a dream

Full of screeching tires and fire”

I played the chords and kept singing the words, trying to mask the knot on my throat. “Emily, I’m sorry, baby / You know how I get when I’m wrong” I tried to keep my voice from shaking; not because of the lyrics, I haven’t talked to Emily since 8th grade and, honestly, I just think it’s a beautiful name. I wanted to cry because I felt anxious. Turns out it hurts more to overcome your fears when your blood is not 50% whisky.

It was as if I could listen to my father screaming from a distance: “you are a waste of time!” Suddenly, it was like I could slowly feel my blood going through my veins all throughout my body, sliding like raindrops on a window. I was feeling overwhelmed, the song felt never ending and I was sure that I had gotten at least 30% of all the notes wrong. I didn’t realize how much I wanted this, how much I craved for a chance to showcase my songs, a chance to pretend that my dreams were possible. And in my head, it was all over, until I heard Ellie’s voice from across the room.

– Sounds good to me. – She shrugged her shoulders and raised her eyebrows. – If you two think she’s good then she’s good and she’s in. I’d be the odd one out anyway. Dina flashed me a warm smile and gave me a side hug.

– Welcome to the band! – She nudges my arm.

– Rehearsal every Sunday, Wednesday and Thursday from 3 to 5 pm. – Jesse smiled from the worn out couch he was lazily lying on.

We decided to spend the rest of the afternoon getting to know each other better. Dina talked about some songs she would like to perform at their next weddings, Jesse laid back on the couch and played with the drum sticks. The band had some work of their own, but not many since Ellie was basically the only one who was more interested in writing than playing covers.

– Hey – I was sitting on the floor and scrolling on my phone, Ellie scooted closer to me, brushing her jeans against my knee. – D’you write that song by yourself? The “Emily” one and shit?

– It’s called “Emily, I’m sorry”. – I chuckled, nodding. – Yeah, I did. I actually write a lot of songs. Why?

She reached out for her sketchbook inside of her forest green backpack, I couldn’t help but notice how it matches her eyes almost too perfectly. She flipped the yellow pages until she found a small verse of lyrics to show me. I wasn’t really used to showing unfinished lyrics to people but I grabbed the small handbook in my pocket.

Do you understand the things that you’ve been seeing?

Do you understand the things that you’ve been dreaming?

Come a little closer, then you’ll see

– I woke up in the middle of the night last week and wrote this down on my phone. Do you think it could perhaps work with the melody you wrote?

– Well, actually… – She scratched the back of her head and looked up.

– You haven’t thought of a melody yet, have you? – I smirked.

– No, no, of course I have, I just… – She stuttered. – It just needs a bit of… refining.

– Refining, huh? – I chuckled.

Jesse told Dina he was bored and, with a smirk, they both decided it was time to go watch a movie at his house. I was ready to take my things and leave too, but Ellie stopped me.

– Hey, wait! – She called for me. – Do you want to work on the song? I mean, I ain’t got no professional studio but we could make it work with what I have. The others don’t really like to write and shit, I was thinking maybe we could give that one a try.

– Oh, sure. – I smiled softly.

She closed the garage door, giving us some more privacy. Ellie reached for the laptop on a tools table, it was plugged into a reasonably nice mic, she must have saved up for ages to buy it. She also got an electric guitar out of the case and started to tune it. With my acoustic guitar, I started humming a few different generic melodies that came to my head, until Ellie liked one and decided to try to follow it with her guitar. We stayed there for a while.

– Do you like it that way? I don’t think it’s working out well enough.

I scratched the back of my head, my eyes narrowed. I rubbed my hands over my face.

– I don’t know, I'm just having trouble locking in, I guess. We could give up for now, if you want.

– I know something that could help, if you’re up for it. – She smirked slightly. Maybe I was overthinking it, but I could swear I saw her eyes wander to my mouth. – I mean, if you’re even a smoker, of course.

– Oh. – I fell into reality and felt stupid. – Oh yeah, sure, I- I mean, we could try. Cool.

She got up and gestured to me to follow, I put the guitar on the case and took it with us. We exited the garage through a small door that led to the kitchen. Her house was messy enough to be acknowledged as a college student’s but it was furnished like some kind of family had once lived in that space

She led me up the stairs, into her room. I shyly sat on the edge of her bed and she got some weed and some silk out of her bedside table. She started rolling it up and I watched as she licked it together in record time, I would be lying to say I wasn’t impressed. A simple lighter came out of her pocket and she took a long hit before passing it over to me. I brought both the blunt and her gaze up to my lips, taking a drag not as experienced as hers. It wasn’t my first time smoking but I was scared to bite more than I could chew, for some reason.

– So, are you from around town? Never seen you around. – She was trying to break the ice. I got up from her bed and walked towards her window, she was quick to follow after me.

– Right there. – I pointed to the other side of the street, about three or four houses over. She seemed surprised.

– Really?! – She spoke, surprised. – I thought that was where the annoying lady from the Neighborhood Association lived. The one that’s always telling people to speed down and shit.

– Yeah, that’s my mom. – I laughed as I watched her cheeks grow a bright red, her eyes trying to look anywhere but mine. – It’s okay, she really is annoying. She does that to me too and I’m her own daughter. – I sat on her windowsill, taking another drag of the joint. She joined me, sitting by my side.

– I mean, she never complained about the noise during the band’s practice sessions. Gotta give her that, though.

I laughed and she took the weed back.

– She can be a bit mean but she is a music lover, after all. Maybe you’ve found her soft spot with that one.

– Aw shit, gonna have to give her tickets to our next underground-bar concert.

We both laughed at the idea of my mom at one of our shows.

– Gonna make sure to tell her to look out for it. – That was when I realized I hadn’t asked a really important question. – What’s the band’s name anyway?

– White Carnations. – Ellie took another hit, blowing the smoke outside and passing it to me.

– White Carnations… – I breathed out the smoke. – I like it. Any particular reason for the name?

– I don’t know. – She shrugged her shoulders. – Sounded good, I guess. – She was clearly lying, but I didn’t want to push her too hard so I changed the subject.

I went back to playing some chords on the guitar and we were lost in a comfortable silence, until I had an idea. I started humming something along the lines of: “Ten thousand people stand alone now / And in the evening the sun sank, tomorrow it will rise / Time flies by, they all sing along”, repeating the last line over and over until Ellie started singing it too. At some point she simply changed it to “time flies, bye-bye” and I absolutely loved it. It sounded like something you’d point the mic at people so they could scream at a concert

Only then I realized my bare feet were in her lap, like we had been the closest of friends for ages and not distant neighbors that only now realized that each other existed. Her tattooed hand rested on top of my ankles and her hazy eyes and smile seemed as familiar as my mirror. That evening we wrote the entirety of ‘Come A Little Closer” while sitting on her bedroom window, then ate a bunch of chocolate covered ice cream bites.

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whoucallingalesbian · 4 months ago

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yall i need to confess

i read THE BEST wattpad elliexreader smvt (around 47 pages) she is so toxic in a loving way i literally fell in love w the character yall don’t understand I NEED HER.

spoiler

in the story she is like a masc, tough drvg d, very cocky n likes to tease u, n who is also an fgirl and she is just soooooooooooooooooooo😣🤤🤭😩

and on top of that she listens to top?? LIKE THATS SO FITTING HELLO

the story is set in college, and im like her roomate n we do stuff iykyk ✂️👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 and it has such a good vibe like idk how to explain it but it reminds me of 2016 (when life was still good) n they r js studyin n having fun (n being a lil toxic but oh well who doesn’t like some drama)

i literally cried in the last chapter because it was so UNEXPECTED and disappointing, BUT there is a sequel and guess what? BIG TIME GAP, and on top of that depressing vibe where she has a whole ahh family n a JOB🤢 i swear ts ruined my already ruined my mental health and i pray to god it ends with them living together happily ever after otherwise im getting sent to a loony bin.

👩🏼‍🦯‍➡️

xoxo tea

#ellie tlou #blogging #random #ellie williams #wattpad #🍄 ⋆ the last of us #tlou #tlou2 #ellie x reader

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longnightswriting · 1 year ago

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promise me you’ll stay pt2 | ellie x reader

summary: after a long, stressful night, ellie and an ex love spend the morning in bed reconciling and making up for lost time

content warning: fluff, crude language, smut, oral(giving and receiving), fingering, dirty talk, lack of aftercare, dom ellie, f!reader

a/n: decided to make a pt2 and may continue on with it. i’m open to suggestions if you have any elliexreader ideas you’re wanting to see written

word count: 3.3k

——————

My eyes blinked open slowly, but just barely— not enough to be awake, but enough to be aware. I snuggled deeper into Ellie’s embrace, my fingertips slowly finding their way up her body until reaching her chest where my palm flattened against her heart, waiting for its rhythm. A small, peaceful smile grew upon my face at the familiarity— finally having my comfort back within reach.

Ellie began to stir at my touch, grumbles and sharp breaths coming from her lips as she turned her body towards me. I became enveloped in her arms as I nuzzled even deeper into her chest. In this moment, I don’t think I could ask for anything more. But there was always something in the back of my mind, there always would be, something that was always telling me to brace for the inevitable.

“I think I almost forgot how nice this was.” She spoke, her voice raspy and low.

My lips trailed gently against the fabric that covered her chest, inhaling deeply between each kiss. Looking up, our eyes met and we exchanged bashful grins. Ellie was the first person I ever truly dated— yeah, there were some flings here and there, but nothing like this— nothing that even neared this level. I remember meeting Ellie for the first time, but not as vividly as I’d like, probably because I turned into an absolute puddle of nerves. I’m still embarrassed by it.

“You know what I didn’t forget, though?” She questioned, peaking my interest as she looked down at me, “How much I loved seeing you between my legs.”

My mouth fell agape, slightly pushing away from her, “Is that the joke you were saving from last night?”

She shrugged, stifling a laugh as I rolled over onto her, careful of the still fresh wounds that painted her body.

“I was-“ I paused, truly unable to pick my jaw up off the floor, “Ellie!”

“What— it’s been awhile!” She playfully fought back as I hid my face in her chest, embarrassment over taking me.

Ellie always had a way of making me like this— bashful over comments, usually sexual. I never knew if it was because being with her was my first sexual relationship, or just because any comment she made to me like that made me feel like a giddy little girl whose crush just noticed them.

“Hey, I’m kidding.” She hummed, her fingertips slowly running the length of my back— up and down, “I was really just glad that I was with you.” She spoke honestly as I lifted my head, staring up at her, “I knew you’d take care of me.”

I rolled my eyes, “It’s not like you gave me much of a choice, Els.”

“You could’ve turned me away-“

I shook my head, cutting her off, “I wouldn’t.”But then I understood what she was getting at.

She gave me a tight smile, readjusting herself under my weight before letting out a long sigh.

“I took an extra run— a side thing that Maria and Tommy didn’t know about, but the guy I was supposed to go with backed out last minute-“

“Who?” I stopped her, eyebrows furrowing.

“Just some shithead kid who’s only ever worked patrol, but I went anyway, I know I shouldn’t have, it’s just…” she shifted again, her eyes avoiding mine, “It’s been different recently.”

I sighed, my eyes leaving hers as I got lost in my own mind. I knew what she meant, and I knew she wasn’t trying to place blame, but I couldn’t help but feel it. Even if only partly. Before all of this, Ellie and I had been joined at the hip for so long that when we did finally split from each other, it threw off our lives drastically. We didn’t know what to do without the other— without having any knowledge of what the other was doing or how they were. Going from being connected to someone for so long to having zero contact with them, seemingly overnight was… different.

She shrugged, “I ran into some assholes and they got the jump on me.”

I didn’t have anything to say to her, or at least I couldn’t come up with anything that wasn’t emotion driven. I hated her being outside the walls, which was part of the main argument that separated us, and this was just cementing how I felt about it. But I’d put up with fight after fight and years of the silent treatment if it meant I could be sure that she was always safe, I knew it wasn’t realistic though.

My fingertips played under the neckline of her shirt, running along her collarbone, “How are we going to make this work?”

“We could just fight like an old married couple the rest of our lives.” She hummed, pushing loose strands of hair behind my ears, “Threaten to kill each other every couple weeks followed by the best damn hate sex anyone could dream of.”

I blushed at her offer, a grin pulling at my lips before slowly diminishing, “Can we talk about going outside the walls?” I asked, my eyes finally shifting to hers, “Without fighting— like just neutral?”

“Neutral?” She mocked, furrowing her brows.

“You know what I mean.” I rolled my eyes, “I just want to talk about things without it ending in one of us storming off.”

Ellie agreed, only nodding, but I could tell she was weary.

“Ellie, I want to spend the rest of my life with you.” I spoke honestly, fingers reaching up to play with the necklace I had gotten her so long ago, something it seems that she had never taken off, “I can’t do that if you’re dead.”

“I can handle assholes-“

“And you did… this time.” I stopped her, “What about next time? Or the time after that?”

Ellie was hard to reason with— she was so hardheaded and stubborn, but that was one of the things that first attracted me to her. It was hard to believe now that it was the catalyst in tearing us apart. It wasn’t always like this though, when we first met, but as time went on we seemed to force ourselves further apart in fear of losing the other. From sneaking outside the walls together, to shorter and shorter trips, to leaving without me with the only excuse being that she feared something would happen that she wasn’t able to stop. But when that was my excuse for not wanting her outside the walls, it fell on deaf ears.

I pushed myself up, carefully straddling her lap as she groaned under my weight, “I just…” I breathed, placing her hands onto my waist as she instinctively drug them up and down my thighs, “I don’t know what I would do with myself if I lost you.”

And I was being honest, I don’t know what I’d do without Ellie. Being away from her, not only physically but emotionally, had taken its toll on both of us it seemed.

“It’s already been so hard not having you here every night— holding me… touching me.” I hummed, “It’s not the same without you.”

“What?” She breathed, already in a trance as her fingertips lightly dug into my skin, “You been having fun without me?”

“Only when I couldn’t get you off of my mind.” My answer made her smirk, fueling an ego that was already on fire. “Ellie-“ I whimpered under her touch, her thumb running over the thin fabric covering my lower half. Her name hitched in my throat, coming out needier than I’d like to admit, and I could tell she was getting off on it.

Running her bottom lip between her teeth, I watched as her light eyes began to darken, filling with lust. But as soon as it started, she stopped herself, and her touch disappeared from my skin. My mouth fell agape slightly, feeling abandoned and needy as I watched her roughly rub at her eyes, grumbling to herself.

“Els?” My voice barely let out, watching her intently with my heart in my throat.

“Hold on.” She mumbled, slowly pushing herself up off the mattress through sharp breaths and swears, “This shit is so embarrassing.”

My eyes frantically searched her face for answers, fearing I had done something wrong— that I had misread all the signs.

But I hadn’t.

Ellie’s lips found mine and together they worked in unison while I melted within her grasp.

“Can’t even fuck you how I want.” She huffed, her voice throaty, “If I flip you over and tear out my stitches, I know you’ll make me pay for it.”

“Guess that just means I get to fuck you how I want.” I breathed between kisses, a smirk pulling on her lips as she tilted her head back, giving me perfect access to her neck.

I trailed kisses down her throat to her collar bone before we both fought over the fabric covering our torsos, practically tearing the clothing off between laughter stifled with more kisses.

My eyes rolled back, a soft moan leaving my lips as Ellie returned the treatment, leaving marks along my neck and chest. Her finger tips dug into my skin, eyes hungry as she leaned back admiring the art she had left. Carefully, I removed myself from her lap, leaving kisses on any exposed skin I was given the chance to show my love to, because it had been so long since I could.

“Fuck.” She breathed, repositioning herself as we both worked together carefully slipping the shorts over her bandaged stitching. I paused momentarily, seeing the dark bruising that now painted her thigh, like blood from the night before.

“I’m ok.” She reassured, eyes getting lost within each others as her hands cupped either side of my face, “I am.”

I knew it was a lie, but there was no use fighting her— not right now. I had different things on my mind anyway. I continued to trail kisses down her body, over her toned stomach and thighs. I craved her so desperately that I wasted no times attaching my lips to her pussy, quickly earning her satisfaction.

“Oh fuck, that’s my good girl.” She muttered, her head falling back as her hand became entangled within my hair, “God, I missed you.”

Getting lost within Ellie was so easy and something I craved constantly, almost like an addict. The time we spent apart and the times we spent not talking? I have never experienced an actual withdrawal, but I would imagine that’s about as close as I’ll ever come to it.

I couldn’t stifle the giggle that escaped my lips at Ellie’s satisfied, throaty moans. I loved making her feel good but seeing her become such a vulnerable mess was so enjoyable to watch.

Her grip lightly tightened, pulling my head back, “What’s so funny, huh?”

“I just love seeing you whine with my tongue in your pussy.” I grinned, seeing her drunk with pleasure.

She bit at the inside of her lip, fighting a smirk, “I will get you back for that.”

I rushed back to her pussy, going in for seconds and lapping up juices like it was the answer to all of my problems. And in this moment, it really felt like it. I don’t think I can live without Ellie, and being with her right now was really cementing that. Through the fights, the staying up late because she hadn’t shown back up at the gates on time, and the fear of what our future would hold— I’d do it everyday for the rest of my life if it meant I got to spend it with her.

Her grip left my hair as she propped herself up on her elbows, her breathing getting faster, pausing only for the swears that left her lips.

I pulled away slightly, my fingers taking place of my tongue on her clit, taking pride in my work as I watched Ellie— her jaw slack and eyebrows lightly furrowed.

“Are you gonna cum on my tongue for me?” I teased, my mouth returning to its rightful place.

Her head tipped back, fighting a smirk, “I’m so gonna get you back.”

But within seconds she was doing just what I asked of her, and the sounds that filled the room was music to my ears.

“Ok— ok.” She breathed, squirming under my touch, desperately grabbing at my face to pull me up, “Shit.”

“What?” I hummed softly, kissing up her chest, “You aren’t going to let me go back for more?”

“I’ve lost too much blood to keep cumming like that.” She joked, our lips meeting again, “I think you’d kill me.”

“And whose fault is that?” I cocked my head at her, biting lightly at my still wet lips.

She playfully rolled her eyes, annoyed and impatient, “Just get on my face.”

It had been too long— something I now knew I couldn’t let happen again, but eagerly, I obeyed her demand. Truthfully, I’d do anything she asked of me, and I think that was blaringly apparent just by looking at the events of the last 12 hours.

I quickly slipped out of the small bit of fabric that was still on my body but before I could even get situated, her arms wrapped around my thighs, holding me in place as I was instantly filled with mind numbing pleasure.

“Els- I, Ellie-“ I barely got out, easily becoming overstimulated and trying to pull away, “Please-“ My weak voice continued, but I couldn’t get a coherent sentence out with the pleasure that was drenching my body.

It felt so good— so good that I wanted to pull away, fighting against her grip, but I knew the second I lost that contact, I’d crave it again.

She made it hard to sit still— her tongue working circles into sensitive, needy flesh. Ellie ate pussy like her life depended on it— like she had something to prove.

My hips bucked against her tongue, desperately gripping at the old wooden headboard that had seen numerous scenes just like this one.

My jaw fell slack as blissful moans tumbled from my lips, Ellie’s fingertips gripping my thighs hard enough to leave bruises. And it wasn’t long before my high was pulsing through my body and leaving me an absolute mess.

I collapsed off of her as she released her grip on my thighs, falling to the side and allowing the residual jolts of electricity to dissipate from my body. My eyes fluttered closed through long, shaky breathes that preceded euphoric giggles.

I was in such a blissful state, I hadn’t even noticed Ellie’s struggle to reposition herself until she was already in between my legs once again. I gasped at the contact, instantly trying to pull away while whimpers flooded my vocabulary.

“What was that?” She teased, her fingers replacing her tongue before she slowly slipped them in, “Something about… whining with your tongue in my pussy?”

A moan left my lips as her fingers curled, knowing exactly how to work my body.

I reached down, gripping her wrist in an attempt to halt the actions that were sending my brain and body over the edge.

“Hey.” She corrected, her stern voice causing me to freeze as our eyes locked, “You don’t talk to me like that, understand?”

My mouth fell agape ever so slightly, feeling caught off guard and vulnerable, “I just miss you-“

“Understand?” She repeated, never breaking eye contact as she slowly lowered herself once again, her lips wrapping around my sensitive clit.

I took a sharp breath in, my head falling back, “Yes, I- I understand, yes-“

The overstimulation quickly turned to pleasure once again and I was fully in heaven with Ellie between my legs. But she loved to tease, her lips trailing kisses along my thighs and driving me insane.

“So, you wanna talk about going outside the walls?” She hummed, her fingers pumping delectably slowly.

“I- Ellie…” I rolled my eyes, letting out a small laugh at her bringing up the subject, my voice breathy and desperate.

“What, baby?” She teased, “What do you want? Come on now.”

I propped myself up, reaching for Ellie’s wrist again in an attempt to allow myself to think straight, but she immediately pushed it aside, leaving me a desperate whimpering mess.

“Nuh-uh, use your words.”

“Ellie, please, I-“ I begged, my mind running blank as I watched her fingers working masterfully, “I need you h-here, please-“ I struggled to get out, our eyes meeting, “I wanna be with you.”

A smirk grew on Ellie’s face, one of satisfaction, “Good girl.” She hummed, her mouth returning to my pussy as a reward and causing me to squirm under her touch.

Ellie had me wrapped around her finger, quite literally in the moment, but just in general. And no matter how much I wanted to deny it in times of stress, I’d do anything she told me to and she knew that.

“Ellie…” I whined, prodding her for an answer

She left kisses covering my thighs, her eyes gazing up at me, “What? You want me to take you out with me?”

I nodded eagerly, eyes flickering between hers and her fingers as they worked over my sensitive clit.

I could see her really begin to think about it, for real this time, her tongue dragging her bottom lip between her teeth. She wasn’t here in the moment anymore, she was elsewhere in her mind.

“Yeah, ok.” She eventually nodded, but there was hesitance to it, and I could tell it’d be something we’d have to talk about in detail later. Now wasn’t the time.

Again my head fell back in ecstasy as she returned, but something was different now— she still wasn’t here. Instead she was overthinking things while her body was on autopilot.

“Oh my god- fuck, Ellie!” I swore, her movements speeding up and bringing me to my climax once again.

She left a final quick kiss on the inside of my knee, before her touch disappeared.

Breathless, I stared up at the ceiling as my head spun, only being pulled out of my high by Ellie’s painful hisses.

Pushing myself up, I watched as she attempted to get herself out of bed, quiet grumbles and swears leaving her lips.

Her absence— the lack of touch, it felt isolating. But I know she didn’t mean it.

“Ellie?” I cooed, crawling up behind her as she sighed at my touch.

I kissed at her neck, her cheek, her forehead, before moving loose hairs behind her ear, “We don’t have to worry about it right now.” I spoke softly, desperate to not lose her again.

Our foreheads touched, a quiet moment between the two of us after just having the room filled with the most heavenly of sounds.

“I love you— you know that, right?” She asked, our eyes meeting.

I nodded, studying her face, every freckle and scar that told a story.

And she stared back. The two of us in completely and total awe at the beings before us— as if our hearts had manifested all of our desires into beautiful souls, perfect for one another.

“God, I’d really do anything for you, huh?”

“Anything but keep yourself out of harms way, apparently.” I teased, kissing at her face once again, “Come shower with me.” My offer coming off as more of a demand, “I’ll clean up your stitches, wash your hair…” I trailed off, lovingly playing with the loose pieces that framed her cheekbones, “And then maybe I’ll ride your face again if you’re good.”

“Yeah?” She hummed through a smirk, our lips connecting again.

I nodded, “If you’re good.”

#ellie williams x reader #ellie x fem reader #ellie williams #pt2 #tlou #tlou fanfiction #tlou x reader #ellie x reader #ellie x f!reader

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herdelreydear · 1 year ago

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I was all over her

pt 1

warnings: college!au, mean!ellie, owenxabby, elliexreader, (a bit abbyxreader bc of readers past, smoking, drugs, alcohol, some angst, nsfw in this or the next parts

summary: Dina drags Ellie to a camp where they can work at for three weeks, the money is good and they get a little vecation from their college life. It’s annoying but it gets more interesting when Ellie gets to know the other girl that is joining as a camp leader.

notes: i’m really excited for this series, it’s gonna be inspired by the 80s slasher summer camp vibe! They’re not in the 80s anymore but their town is so stubborn, that they still got all the old equipments so it kind of feels like it anyways. I’m also going to switch from different perspectives to get a better view from everyone’s thoughts when things get spicy :P

reposting, liking or even commenting would be so so appreciated <3

{ not proofread }

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„Ugh“ Ellie grunted shoving her stuff in her backpack that was already falling apart and had some holes here and there. It didn’t bother her as long as she didn’t loose anything of her supplies.

„If the money isn’t worth it i’m going.“ Dina, laying on her bed watching her- „Of course Ells as if you’re not living off of instant noodles and my stuff the last few weeks“ she grinned and rolled onto her stomach.

„The kids are gonna be annoying but remember how we were that age?“ she let out a quite laugh. „Were the ones making the rules now, so how bad can it be?“

„Oh fuck you“ Ellie sighed and finally got her backpack to zip up. „Kids that age are little shitheads“ she stood up and let herself fall on the bed next to Dina. „Well yeah, but at least they’re not that bad, I mean they wont be older than 16 y‘know?“

„Well with 16 I started selling“ Ellie grinned. „But if I catch one of them doing anything like that imma beat their ass“ she looked at her phone to check the time. „Well, or their mom will“

Dina flipped a finger against Ellies forehead „Ouch“- „You’re the one that has to behave“ Dina glanced a provocative smile at her. „No girls your age except for me and Abby, and a bunch of kids- I think you can handle that“

„I don’t like that Abby and Owen are the ones giving the orders to us, she‘s okay but Owen is annoying as fuck“ Dina nodded to agree with her. Abby and Owen were a bit older then them, and already did the camp counseling the year before.

„Well anyways we gotta go“ Dina pushed Ellie of the bed otherwise to leave would’ve took forever. They got outside and walked to Ellies Pick-Up truck. The others would drive in a school bus Owen got the permission to drive with. They would all meet at the camp.

This year it was so full, Owen and Abby decided to let all the kids sleep in the little cabins and the leaders would have to sleep outside. Because of Ellie having the Pick-Up they already loaded all their tents on it, wondering why there were two from Abby and Owen, thinking they’d sleep together anyways.

The Trip was nice though, Ellie liked driving and Dina liked being Ellies Dj even though Ellie didn’t approve to all the songs Dina was blasting on full volume.

After arriving Ellie looked unmotivated again. „First and last day are always the most stressful ones, so don’t give up today okay Ells?“ Closing the car door Dina tried to get Ellies confirmation. „Yeah sure“ she muffled and helped Dina with the tents and their backpacks.

Already settled in, they could hear the voices of kids and teens laughing in their little cabins. Searching for Abby and Owen they ran into you.

You just had moved to the place you were now also going to college to. Only about three months ago, but you didn’t recognize the two women approaching you. They don’t look 16 anymore that’s for sure, so they must be from college too, also taking the opportunity to get that money.

Of course you needed that money desperately, normal for a college student. Also, extra money didn’t hurt, and you needed to get away from.. well actually you wanted to get away from Abby, but you already applied to the job before knowing it was organized by Abby- and Owen, her boyfriend.. At least the two other girls are joining too, so you’re not alone with them.

„hey! you’re from college too?“ Dina came up to greet you with a welcoming quick hug, surprised you smiled lightly and nodded. „Uh, yeah I am“ you looked over to the other girl, hands in her pockets and not looking like she was going to great you like the other one. „I’m y/n“ you introduced yourself to the two. „Dina“ -she seemed like a person you’ll get along with, but the other one- „Ellie“ she said shortly, seemed not that pleased by the whole situation. Well, maybe she was just here for the money, and you’d understand that. For you, being outside was calming, and working or more like watching the kids a bit was totally fine with you. Growing up with siblings you knew how to handle annoying teens.

„Hey hey“ Owen stepped out of one of the cabins, Abby on his hand, she looked a bit annoyed but smiled when she saw the small group of yours. „Finally, all the kids are already unpacking their stuff and ready for some food“ she smiled and they stepped closer to greet everyone. „So for the basics: we have plans hung out in the kitchen on wich we are divded into wash off and cooking shifts.“ Abby walked to one of the cabins, the only one that was a bit bigger, everyone followed.

Stepping in she pointed to a list that was hung up against a board. „I think it’s okay that we do the dishes, the kids are here to relax. Owen and I are going to do most of the activities with them, but most of the kids are already to old for that and just want to be outside on the lake or on the fields. You guys just watch out that no ones going missing and when we need you, you’ll help us out.“

Her voice was calm and you couldn’t avoid feeling a big clump in your throat.

Just weeks ago she ended it with you, or kind of did. You apparently just were a little flink she had while being broken up with Owen. It still hurted though. She was the first woman you slept with, but even more- she was the one that gave you the security you were a lesbian. At the beginning she was there for you while being the new student, helping you out a lot with how everything worked you both couldn’t deny the tension that got in between you from the first day you’d met. At that point you didn’t knew about the breakup with Owen, you were fully convinced she was a lesbian anyways. You asked her out on sweet little coffee dates and she took you to her basketball practice ones in a while. It felt like you two had known each other for much longer than just a few months. You started to crush on her besides being sexually attracted to her. But it stayed at being fuck buddies, till you mentioned your feelings and she seemed to be on the same side. All fine, till one night- that stupid fucking frat party. You were waiting for her all night, after not showing up you asked around if anybody saw her. Some did, but they also lost sight of her. Already a bit drunk you made your way through the rooms till you accidentally walked in on two people, needing a sec to realize who was having sex right there.

That night didn’t end well. You were heartbroken (you knew it seemed a bit too fast but it still hurted- and it was the way she did not tell you about him- and didn’t tell you she was actually just getting her sexual frustration eased by sleeping with you) You felt used and had cut her off.

Now, you two had to get along somehow. And it was fine, it wasn’t that deep you tried to tell yourself. Move on, gosh you’re embarrassing yourself . You’d tell yourself.

Everyone seemed fine with the list, and you turned to Dina and Ellie. „So, let’s build up our tents?“ you wanted to get away from her. They agreed. You looked up to Abby while walking past her, she gave you a little smile. You noticed her apologizing look, it made you sick.

„Oh I forgot to tell you, Jesse‘s coming too“ Dina turned her head to Ellie while putting together the tent. „How did you forget that“ Ellie scrunched her eyebrows together. Sweet. You held on to the other side of the tent, not doing much because you didn’t knew anything ok how to put up those. „Well, Ells he’s not here so obviously I forgot him. He’s always late!“ she rolled her eyes. „Jesse‘s my Ex“ she turned around to tell you without being asked, but you were to shy to ask anyways, so you appreciated her leading the conversation. „So now we’re two“ you tried to smile. „Wait what? You were dating Jesse??“ You shaked your head hardly. „Noo I don’t even know him don’t worry“ before she could ask about Abby, you quickly finished building up the tent and changed the subject. When all tents were up, Jesse arrived. Extroverted like Dina he started blabbering all kinds of stuff on to you, knowing he just tried to made you feel less left out, you tried to stay as focused as possible and answered to all his questions.

„So now, who’s gonna sleep where?“

All of you stood infront of the three little tents. Abby and Owen were already in the kitchen, making some dough for bread on sticks, but it was obvious they’d sleep together. „I don’t care, you guys can decide“ You smiled and you noticed Ellie glancing over to you. She was really quite since they arrived but it was kind of.. pleasant.

„You wanna sleep with me?“ She said, and you shrugged. „Sure“ giving her a smile that she gave you back. Dina raised a brow, knowing Ellie, she took every opportunity to get girls actually in bed with her. Poor you Dina thought. But Dina was also more than fine with sharing a tent with Jesse. Yes, they broke up, but they still were like besties.

Following Ellie you climbed into your tent, finding yourself unexpectedly really close to her. Ellie noticed the rosy color on your cheeks. „So.. on wich side do you want to sleep?“ you asked, a bit uncomfortable. Before saying anything Ellie just stretched herself and layed down on her side. „is that fine?“ she reassured and you nodded. While humming you started to unpack your stuff. Ellie watched you while rolling herself another one up. You didn’t mind, and didn’t tell her to stop when she lightened it in your little tent, you just opened the entrance and layed down next to her.

„So how come I’ve never seen you at college?“ She looked to the side and held the joint infront of you, as you took it you thought about how you could answer it as short as possible.

„I just came here a few months ago, wasn’t really with anybody that’s probably why“ you shrugged „I like to be on my own“ you exhaled and gave it back to her. She grinned. „Well that’s definitely understandable, but what about frat parties? They can be fun too, never been to one?“ she layed her head on her arm that was behind her and watched the smoke fill the air.

„Well I was“ you caughed, you weren’t used to smoking weed, and the tent was full of smoke. Ellie laughed and opened the outer layer of the tent a bit wider. „Let’s go“ she tilted her head to the exit, noticing you’re not taking the full air that well and you climbed out of it. It already got dark and you decided to collect some wood for the campfire. You didn’t notice how a constant smile was on your lips, and how the stiffness from before started to loosen up. But Ellie noticed and enjoyed your quite being.

After being done collecting some sticks and branches, Ellie lit up the campfire and Jesse and Dina gathered the kids around it. Abby and Owen brought the food and the atmosphere started to get more calm and chatty. You enjoyed it more than you thought and then and there your eyes met with Ellies.

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I know that’s the second series I started, I think I’ll just write them both at the same time. I hope you like it, I already have the next parts planned x3

I’m also making a playlist inspired by the 80s but also the vibe for this series~

#ellie x reader #abby x reader #abby anderson #ellie williams #dina the last of us #jesse the last of us #ellie tlou #ellie x fem reader #ellie x y/n #owen tlou #slasher summer #camping #Spotify

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ellabsprincess · 1 year ago

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okay okay little update for y'all, here's a look at what i'll be posting soon!

<3 <3 <3

message, ask or comment to be tagged on any of these upcoming fics!

rock n' fucking roll - now posted!! - LINK

elliexreader - some smut, mostly fluff, maybe a twinge of angst?

from an anon request!

a rockstar! au where both you and ellie are in a band. you're known for sleeping around and never really committing to a girl, but all that changes as you get closer to your bandmate. everyone is surprised when you reveal ellie as your official girlfriend, but neither of you care about what others say. you're just happy to be performing together on stage as girlfriends <3

roomies - now posted!! - LINK

ellabsxreader - fluff, mostly just filthy smut

request from @hehatesmati

ellie and abby are roommates, and you've been dating abby for a few months. you've developed a shared interest for ellie, who unsuspectingly comes home when you're in abby's bed. you're riding her face, moaning as loud as you want, when curiosity gets the best of ellie. you and abby hear her outside the bedroom door, and invite her in.....

no one else

abbyxreader - fluffy, smutty, best friends to lovers!

you guys voted for it!!

a cute, innocent hangout and a movie with your best friend takes a turn. you admit to her that no girl you've been with has been able to pleasure you right and make you cum, which surprises abby. you both finally admit your feelings for each other, and the night turns into a competition of abby trying to make you cum as many times as possible <3

current tag list: @m-3-ijiworld @seraqhites

#ellie williams x reader #abby anderson x reader #ellie williams smut #abby anderson smut #ellabs smut #ellabs x reader #katelyn's thoughts <3

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prettymfwrites · 5 days ago

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Pregnancy Headcanons

Here are some headcanons and scenarios about how Ellie and Dina might act if their girlfriend was pregnant

Ellie x Dina x Pregnant Reader

Lots of fluff<3

Poly Relationship!

---

General Headcanons

1. Protectiveness Overload

Ellie becomes ultra-protective, constantly keeping an eye on you. She insists on accompanying you everywhere, even for simple tasks like fetching water or walking around Jackson.

Dina is more laid-back, but she subtly ensures you're never overexerting yourself, casually taking over chores or guiding you to sit down when she thinks you’re pushing it.

2. Excitement & Nervousness

Dina is thrilled and can’t stop talking about baby names, imagining how the baby will look, and planning their future.

Ellie is a bit more nervous, constantly worrying about whether the world is safe enough for a child. However, she softens when she feels the baby kick for the first time.

3. Over-the-Top Pampering

Ellie cooks (or tries to), even if her cooking skills are questionable. She insists on learning how to make your favorite meals.

Dina rubs your back, feet, or whatever hurts without you even having to ask. She also reads to you and the baby every night, joking that the baby needs to hear her voice before it’s born.

4. Playful Arguments Over Preparation

Dina wants the baby’s nursery filled with cozy blankets and toys, while Ellie focuses on practicality, like baby-proofing the house or ensuring you have plenty of supplies.

5. Bonding Moments

Dina sings lullabies to your belly, her voice soft and soothing. Ellie, on the other hand, will play the guitar for you both, occasionally making up silly songs just to make you laugh.

---

Scenarios

Scenario 1: First Time Feeling the Baby Kick

You’re lying on the couch, and Dina is resting her head on your lap, her hand absentmindedly placed on your belly. Suddenly, the baby kicks.

Dina’s eyes widen with awe, and she yells, “Ellie, come here!”

Ellie rushes in, slightly panicked. “What? What’s wrong?”

Dina grabs Ellie’s hand and places it on your stomach. When Ellie feels the kick, she freezes, her usual tough demeanor melting as she whispers, “That’s... that’s amazing.”

---

Scenario 2: Dealing with Cravings

You wake up at 2 a.m., craving something weird like pickles dipped in peanut butter.

Dina immediately gets up, eager to satisfy your craving, while Ellie groans, “Can’t this wait till morning?” But she still gets up and grumbles her way to the kitchen with Dina.

They return with a plate of pickles and peanut butter, and Ellie jokingly says, “This better be worth it.” When you happily munch away, both of them watch you with fond smiles.

---

Scenario 3: Prepping for the Baby

Dina insists on having a baby shower, despite Ellie’s protests about keeping things low-key.

During the shower, Ellie spends the whole time hanging around you, pretending to be annoyed by the event but secretly loving how happy it makes you.

Dina, on the other hand, is the life of the party, making sure everyone knows how amazing you are as a mom-to-be.

---

Scenario 4: Protecting You During Danger

During a routine patrol, a group of infected appears, and Ellie immediately steps in front of you, her pistol drawn. “Stay behind me. No arguments.”

Dina flanks the group, quickly taking them out, and then rushes back to check on you. She cups your face and asks, “Are you okay? The baby okay?”

Ellie adds, “We’re switching patrol rotations. You’re not going out anymore.”

---

Scenario 5: The Delivery

When you go into labor, Dina is calm and supportive, holding your hand and whispering soothing words. Ellie, on the other hand, is freaking out but trying to keep it together for you.

After the baby is born, Ellie is the first to cry when she holds them, mumbling, “I’m gonna protect you, no matter what.” Dina leans over, pressing a kiss to your forehead and whispering, “You’re amazing, Y/N. We have a family now.”

---

What do you think?

I take requests!

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seattlesellie · 8 months ago

Note

to the anon who talked abt elliexfemreader fics (as a brown north african masc lesbian i totally get you) but also theres been a big influx of elliexmasc reader or elliexreader thats a bit of a loser under the ellie x reader tag so u should check those out maybe u can relate to them more!

yesssss pls check these out!!! thank u bae <3

#𓏲 ࣪₊♡𓂃 anon 🎀

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dariwrites03 · 7 months ago

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Fucked up Monday. 2/3

Part 1: https://www.tumblr.com/daribertduck/748615753776955392/fucked-up-monday

A/n: Before you guys kill me; I’m already writing part 3. don’t you worry it’s coming your way. Please comment & repost, it’s giving me much motivation!

Summary: After Ellie kissed you on Patrol, everything was turning weird, you’re full of guilt and other feelings... What happens when your life turns from agonizing to better to so much worse? And why exactly can a few letters change everything?

Warnings: none? I think?

Taglist: @bready101 @lia-winther @liciapeonia @darkerstarsstuff @patricks-fabulous-face ( I tagged some people from my comments, hope that’s alright)

-5700k words

„And I thought I was weird for feeling uncomfortable at that, you know? They broke up, it's not really his place to say anything like that especially after telling Dina he's over her anyways" You're best friend said, finishing up her explanation of yesterdays event with Dina and Jesse. He found the two of them smoking near a warehouse and from what you made out of Ellie's explanation, he wasn't too happy to see them sitting so close.

You and Ellie were having another movie night, those happen pretty often. ( Every Wednesday, to be exact.) sitting on the old sofa in your living room with you're legs resting on hers. „Well, it's still fresh. Don't think he's jealous of the two of you spending lots of time together but maybe it's just a weird feeling seeing her with someone else, though there's absolutely nothing between you and Dina" you replied, chuckling at the thought of Jesse being all jealous over nothing. You rested your head back against the many sofa pillows, enjoying the comfy half sitting half laying position you're in. „Yeah.. totally" Ellie mumbled, looking down at her hands resting on top of you ankles, shifting uncomfortably. Knowing Ellie probably better than anyone else, you knew right away that something seems off.

„Wait.." you said, sensing the weird vibe from you're best friend. „There is nothing between you two, right?" you said, lifting you're upper body into a more sitting posture. „Ellie?" you said her name as you're so called friend didn't answer right away. You felt you're heart stink, not really being sure of what's going on exactly. „uhm.. I don't wanna talk about it?" she said, looking at you with an apologetic look, making it sound more like a question than an real steady answer. „Hell no, remember our ‚no lying rule'?" you said. „Cmon we made that rule as we were 15, that's childish." she said while caressing through her hair, suddenly looking all exhausted. „It wasn't childish when I had my first kiss and didn't want to talk about it" You mentioned. Remembering the night you ran about 2 miles to Ellie's house after spending the afternoon with some other kids in the pub, playing some stupid games. After you kissed Sophia as you're truth or dare quest you took of running, straight into the arms of the brown haired girl who couldn't participate that nights event due to a cold. Ellie knew something must've happened and as you really didn't want to talk about it, embarrassed by the fact that everyone could probably tell you never kissed anyone ever before, Ellie set up a rule. *„Let's promise to always be honest, life is too fucked up to screw it up with lies"* you knew she was right and since that night you tried to always be honest to each other.

„Cmon that's totally different!" Ellie defended herself, crossing her arms above her chest. „Jesus, Williams, answer the fucking question and stop being difficult" you said with a light voice, feeling like Ellie was some deer that takes of running as soon as you're tone was slightly off. „I mean, there is nothing between me and Dina.. so" she explained and you could tell that She was satisfied with her answer since her shoulders became less tense. „But you wish there was?" you asked, not able to look at Ellie you decided to give you're hands something to do, grabbing the soda can you had standing infront of you at the table. „I.. yeah, I guess? Okay. Who am I kidding" she said, her hands running over her face. She revealed a slight laugh. „Oh god" she groaned, now fully blushing like a 13 year old teenager. „Yeah, yeah I do like her. Fuck, this is the first time admitting it out loud" she said.

You took a sip from you're soda, the carbonic acid being long gone since you opened the can almost 2 hours ago, giving you a second or two to continue to stay silent. Having the opportunity to ignore the trouble of you're mind right now

The Jealousy building up inside of you made you think like you're going all crazy, fighting against the urge to scream inside a pillow you took that energy elsewhere. „okay, good for you" you said, taking another sip from the drink, hoping to put out the fire building up in you're chest. Ellie looked at you saying „it's not weird, right? Falling for her?" you looked at her again, considering of telling her what you really think. You consider of telling her that's it's not weird, but you don't like it either. No , you hate it. You hate it so much because you want Ellie to fall for you instead of her.

But you didn't say that. Instead you betrayed your 15 year old self by lying to Ellie and yourself.

It's been three months, 4 days and 2,5 Hours without a word from her.

Ever since then , You are entangled in the delicate web of grief for what felt like for two people, where the threads of loss and longing weave intricate patterns within your heart. Two souls, distinct yet equally significant, find their place in the chambers of your being.

Dylan, now resting six feet under, has embarked on a journey beyond the veil. His earthly vessel lies cradled by the soil, while his essence pirouettes among the constellations. The wasteland of the unknown stretches before him—And then there's your best friend, a constellation of memories and shared secrets. But her presence has become elusive, slipping through your fingers like sand. She chooses silence—a withdrawal that echoes louder than any spoken words. And you tried. Oh, how you tried to get her to speak—the silent symphony of longing, the unspoken words that hung in the air like dew-kissed spider silk. Your gaze, a language of its own, whispered secrets that transcended mere sentences. But she? She met your offerings with silence—a void that echoed louder than any spoken syllable. She stopped coming over. The threshold of your space became a chasm, a bridge severed by unspoken truths. The door, once a portal to laughter and whispered confidences, now stood closed. The only ever time you got to see her, to give yourself the inner peace of her being okay, was on the weekly parol meetings. She attended, her presence a fragile thread connecting you both. But she mastered the art of departure—slipping away before your eyes could catch hers. The opposite direction became her refuge, a path untrodden by your footsteps.

Talking wasn't what Ellie needed. You sensed it, that unspoken ache in the air—the need for silence, for space. So you stepped back, honoring the boundaries she drew around her heart. But your longing couldnt be unoticed by you any longer so after three weeks, you started writing to her. Youre desperation spilled over, ink bleeding onto paper. You became a clandestine messenger, slipping perfumed notes into the small slit of her mailbox. Each letter carried a piece of your soul—a plea, a confession, a desperate whisper. It lingered on your fingertips, a bridge between worlds. And as you pressed those letters into the darkness, you imagined her fingers brushing against them. Would she feel the urgency? Would she hear your silent screams for her friendship? Handwritten letters—those delicate vessels of ink and paper—weave memories that transcend mere words. Each stroke of the pen, each carefully crafted sentence, carries a piece of the you in them. The intimacy lies not only in the content but also in the act of creation itself. You decided to write her if shes unable to talk, you wanted to give her the space she needed, you tried to be as understanding as you could. But one unanswered letter turned into two, three, four. You stopped putting them into her mailbox after five.

Now, you're trying to ignore the pain in your heart every time you wake up. Ellie's childish behavior hasn't stopped you from living your life. Instead, you channel your anger and sleepless nights into your work, making each patrol count. Working alongside Jesse has become a bright spot—a fun experience you eagerly anticipate. It's not the same as those moments outside the gates with Ellie, but it's different in a way that doesn't breed resentment.

You and Jesse share a closeness that predates his separation from Dina. The heartbreak they both faced has left its mark, and you find solace in each other's company. Jesse isn't thrilled about the situation either—the breakup and lingering jealousy still gnaw at him. On that second day of patrol together, he broaches the awkward topic between you and Ellie. "So, you gonna tell me what happened or not?" Jesse's voice cut through the quiet of the abandoned checkpoint. He pulled a sandwich from his backpack, the crinkling of the wrapper echoing in the dim light. The two of you sat there, weary from the day's patrol, the weight of your assigned route still clinging to your bones. Nightfall had descended too swiftly, and the dangers of this post-apocalyptic world made it impossible to venture home safely after dark. You shifted uncomfortably on the hard ground, the rough edges of the old checkpoint digging into your back. The makeshift campsite was a stark reminder of the life you now led—constantly on the move, always vigilant. Jesse's eyes bore into yours, waiting for an answer.

"Don't really know what's there to say, to be honest," you replied, your fingers tracing the edges of the food you'd prepared hours ago. The silence now haning between the two of you wasnt uncomftable,punctuated by the distant howl of a lone infected. "Maybe explain why we're now patrol partners? I thought you and Ellie made such a good team. Not that I'm complaining, though—we're badass too. Just wondering why you suddenly decided that Ellie wasn't good enough anymore," Jesse's voice cut through the dimly lit space of the makeshift camp. He lay down on the sleeping bag, using his right arm as a makeshift pillow, his gaze fixed on you. The flicker of confusion danced through the forest of your mind as you replayed Jesse's last words.

"What? I didn't decide that," you replied, studying your friend's posture as he took a bite of his cheese sandwich. "I asked Dina what happened earlier today." Jesse mumbled, his mouth still half full. "Ellie told her it was you who decided to change partners. Don't get me wrong—I feel honored to be your new partner in crime. I was just curious about what happened." - ''the fuck?'' You said more to yourself than him. ''Thats so fucked up..'' -"Okay, c'mon, I need the drama. Please explain to me like everything. Consider me one of your gossip girls," Jesse quipped, his unseriousness bringing a smile to your face. You took another bite of your food, savoring the dry bread as you gathered your thoughts. Trusting Jesse, you decided it wasn't a bad idea to share what had transpired between you and Ellie. So, with a deep breath, you began recounting the events of your last patrol with her. Jesse leans in, eyes wide with curiosity. His sandwich forgotten, he hangs on every word as you recount the events of that fateful patrol with Ellie. The tension, the unspoken words, the ache in your chest—it all spills out, painting a vivid picture of the fractured bond between you and the girl who once felt like your world.

"Damn," Jesse mutters, running a hand through his hair. "That's heavy stuff." His gaze lingers on your face, searching for answers. "You think she'll come around?'' You shrug, the weight of uncertainty settling on your shoulders. ''Dont think so, I think she regrets even kissing me. She has dina now, dont think that she'll need me anymore.'' Your gaze drifts down to your wrist, where the matching bracelet still clings—a fragile thread connecting you to Ellie. You wonder if she wears hers. Jesse, now leading forward, nudges your shoulder playfully. "Well, partner," he says, "we'll keep kicking ass out here. Fuck them both".

After that night, you felt like Jesse and you were attached at the hip. Somehow, you both helped each other navigate the jagged terrain of heartbreak, spending time together and letting the hours slip away. Being friends with Jesse had its perks. He acted as a bridge to Ellie, still maintaining a sort of friendship with Dina, getting slim updates from her. Through Jesse, you received updates about Ellie—whether she was safe, whether she'd eaten enough.

But it wasn't the same. Those impersonal updates couldn't replace the warmth of setting eyes on Ellie, hearing her voice—the cadence of her laughter, the way she'd say your name. You missed the little things, the mundane details that had once woven your lives together. But over the time you started to accept the turn of events, knowing you cannot force Friendship on somebody.

You started to distract yourself outside of work, whether it was with Jesse or... Sophia. After that encounter where Maria broke the news to you about Ellie changing everything, you did the only thing you knew you were really good at: You ran off.

Weirdly enough, two weeks after that pivotal moment and your patrols with Jesse as your new partner, a knock on your door interrupted your vegetable-cutting session in the small kitchen. As you walked toward the door, a million possibilities raced through your mind. Was it Ellie, knocking on the wood on a late rainy afternoon? Or perhaps Jesse, wanting to talk? Dina? Or maybe Joel, coming all the way to the comfort of your four walls to deliver news about his beloved Ellie being hurt.

Secretly, you wished it was Ellie. So you ran a hand through your hair, glancing into the small mirror hanging near the door to check yourself out before opening the squeaky wood. But on the other side stood Sophia, holding a plate covered in aluminum foil. "Uhm... hey," she said, her cheeks flushed with red. "I've made some cake—way too much to eat all by myself. I wanted to share it. If, um, you want to, of course. It's chocolate cake." Her words tumbled out in a rush, and you sensed her nervousness. A Small smile spread across your face as you stepped aside, making space for her to enter the house. "That's too kind," you replied. "You've got impeccable timing. I just finished dinner—perfect time for dessert. Come inside." You didn't mention the comforting fact that her house was all the way across town, meaning she'd walked quite a distance just to bring you cake. Nor did you acknowledge that it was common knowledge that Sophia is allergic to Chocolate but it was your favorite.

One hour with Sophia turned into two, and before you knew it, the entire afternoon was filled with your laughter. She ended up staying over, making your house feel less empty. Since Dylan's passing, sleep had eluded you. Without Ellie by your side, it felt impossible to quiet your mind. Sophia changed that somewhat, but it didn't feel the same. Perhaps your own mind betrayed you, clouding your thoughts about her presence. You didn't want her to leave, yet you didn't necessarily want her to stay either. The universe seemed to decide for you, as the strawberry-blonde girl drifted off to sleep on your sofa after what felt like an eternity of talking.

You settled into your gray armchair, gently covering her thin body with your favorite blanket—the same one Ellie used to take whenever she stayed over. The entire night, you found yourself comparing Sophia to Ellie—the way she moved, the cadence of her voice, the sparkle in her eyes when she spoke about her interests. It wasn't a good thing, you must admit. Sophia is a nice girl, but you never really considered her a potential friend, especially since you both shared your first kisses with each other. After that, things got weird, and you both grew up, walking different paths.

Yet now, here she was—baking you cakes, making you laugh, and filling the void left by Ellie. The universe had a funny way of intertwining lives, even when hearts were tangled in memories and unanswered letters. Having someone else in Ellie's place is like trying to fit a puzzle piece into a space that was uniquely shaped for her. It's both comforting and disorienting—a blend of familiarity and foreignness. Her presence brings warmth, but it's a different kind—the soft glow of candlelight instead of the blazing fire that Ellie ignited.Sophia's touch is gentle, her fingers tracing patterns on your skin. But it lacks the electric charge—the pulse of longing—that Ellie's touch carried. You wonder if Sophia noticed the way you hesitated, the way your heart stumbles when she leans in too close.

The day with Sophia didnt end there, it stretched into a comfortable rhythm, covering the next two days of your life —a dance of shared meals, laughter, and quiet moments. Her presence filled the spaces that Ellie had once occupied, and you found yourself not minding it at all. The awkwardness of those initial conversations melted away as you both peeled back layers, revealing stories and dreams that wove your lives together.

But life has a way of interrupting even the most harmonious melodies. Jesse, with his uninvited pizza and the entire Twilight saga in tow, barged into your living room. You tried to politely decline the teen romance marathon—you'd seen it one too many times—but Jesse, being Jesse, brushed off your protests. His eyes widened when he saw Sophia sitting there, a teasing grin tugging at his lips. You knew he'd milk this moment, teasing you about having a cute girl over at your house.

After Jesse left, well, pratically run out, you settled back onto the sofa next to Sophia. "That was... Jesse, right?" she asked, her fingers playing with her curly hair. You leaned against the soft material of the sofa, nodding. "Uhm, yup." Sophia's gaze lingered on you, and you sensed her curiosity. "You two do spend a lot of time together—even after patrols," she observed."Oh? You noticed that? Stalking me, huh?" you teased, making Sophia blush. Her cheeks turned a delightful shade of pink. "Well," she replied, her voice soft, "you just always catch my eye." And then, without warning, her body shifted closer. Her hands found their place on either side of your waist, and her lips met yours—a sweetness that tasted like possibility. You hated yourself for it, truly. Because here was a girl with good intentions, almost on top of you, and your mind couldn't help but wish it was Ellie.

Another two months slip through your fingers, ephemeral as morning mist. Life, once heavy with the ache of Ellie's absence, begins to lift itself up. Sophia becomes a constant presence—a sunbeam that warms the corners of your heart as you allow yourself. Your growing relationship with Sophia blossoms, and you find comfort in her laughter, her touch, and the shared moments that weave your lives together. The unspoken question lingers: Are you allowed to call her your girlfriend? After all, you've shared more than just cake and conversations. Perhaps labels matter less than the way she looks at you, the way her fingers intertwine with yours.

And then there's Jesse—the steadfast friend who bridges the gap between patrols and pizza nights. His teasing about Sophia doesn't go unnoticed, but he's also the one who brings laughter into your home. Everything else remains unchanged—the memories, the unanswered letters, and the quiet longing. Life moves forward, and you find solace in the delicate balance of old and new. Patrol was as good as it could be, once you and Jesse found a way to connect your abilities, it didnt really feel like work anymore.

"Yo, little one," Jesse's voice cut through the quiet of the stables, interrupting your grooming session with Lacy. You turned to meet his gaze, immediately noticing his patrol clothes—fitting perfectly against his frame. "What the hell are you doing? We have the day off, remember?" you asked, your fingers still caressing Lacy's mane.

"Not anymore," Jesse replied, already opening the door to his horse's stable. "Dina apparently has the flu, and they both forgot to sign in at the station outside. Maria asked me to take their route for today and look for anything weird." He led his dark brown horse out of the stable, determination etched on his face.

"Good luck with that," you said, turning back to continue your work. But Jesse wasn't done. "Nuh huh, lover girl. You're joining me," he declared, his tone leaving no room for argument. "Pardon?" You looked at him, confusion knitting your brows. "Don't hit me with Spanish,"- ''Its french'' Jesse chuckled. "well whatever it was,I don't speak it. Come on now, get ready. We don't have all day." He saddled his horse efficiently, his movements practiced. "Why should I? You said yes, not me," you replied stubbornly, even though you gathered all the essentials needed to prepare Lacy. "Well, because I'm your partner in crime? Your work husband? Love of your patrol life?" Jesse grinned, his eyes dancing with mischief. "And because I'll get bored alone. You don't have anything better to do anyway." - ''Rude?! maybe i had things planned?!'' You said, jokingly offended as you grab your stuff ''You can meet sophia and have all of those important 'converstations'' he made weird kissing noises ''later.'' He finished his sentance, making you laugh ''Well first of all I-'' You got interrupted by the sound of someone clearing their throat. You looked into the direction of the noise and saw the last person you wanted to see today. ''Sup, Ellie.'' Jesse said, leaning against the stable door. ''what can I do for you?'' He asked, eyes stuck on ellie. But her gaze lied elsewhere; On you.

You shivered under her gaze, your heart racing. As you looked into Ellie's eyes—the first time in forever—you sensed something there, something you couldn't quite put into words. Her burning gaze finally shifted from you to Jesse, arms crossed at her chest.

"Earlier, when me and Dina were at the station, I lost my journal," Ellie said, her voice close, intimate. "Can you look for it? Kinda really need it back." Her words echoed through the stable, and suddenly, the air felt too thin. Your knees wobbled, memories of Ellie cascading down the memory bridge, crashing into your stomach. You felt like you might throw up. "Sure, we will look for it. Anything else?" Jesse asked, glancing between the two of you. Ellie's eyes traveled back to you, and silent hope bloomed in your chest. Maybe this was the moment—maybe Ellie would finally have the guts to talk to you directly, to say she's sorry. But as her gaze wavered, you felt the familiar pang of disappointment. Once again, Ellie remained silent.You felt a strong hand on your shoulder, silently offering support. Jesse's familiar scent enveloped you. "Thought so," he said, ending the conversation. Ellie nodded and turned away, leaving the two of you alone. The barn was filled with silence until you spoke with a shaky voice. "Okay, let's just go." And so you did—you and Jesse left for patrol. But with every passing second, the memory of that confrontation lingered, and you realized how much you still craved her.

"Jesus, I hate this path," Jesse grumbled, pushing open the old, creaky door to the station. His face turned red from the effort, and you couldn't help but giggle. "Stop crying like a baby. Let's sign in and leave," you said, walking toward the desk on the opposite side of the room. As you approached, you noticed that a pen was missing. Without it, you obviously couldn't sign in.

"Jesse, there's no pen," you called out, looking at your friend. "Really? Look under the table or something. We'll find one," he replied. You followed his suggestion, getting down on your knees. Spiderwebs greeted you, along with the encroaching dusk. You pulled out your flashlight, shining it underneath the table for a better look. And there it was—an old, leather-covered book. You'd recognize that book spine anywhere, even in the grandest libraries.

You picked it up, wiping away the dust that clung to its material. The thickness of the journal reminded you of what you were holding—a door to Ellie Williams' secrets and mindful thoughts. "Found one!" Jesse's voice snapped you out of your reverie. You turned around, hiding the journal behind your back. Jesse joined you, writing your names on the slim paper of the checklist. ‘Partner in crimes ( Jesse and y/n)’

"Did you find anything? The book, I mean. It's not somewhere I looked," Jesse asked. You shook your head, slipping the journal into your bag without it being noticed. "Nope, didn't find it either."

''Every poem I ever wrote was about her. That smile of hers, those golden eyes—whenever she's too close to the sun, it's impossible for me to stay away. The day I left, my heart shattered into a million pieces. In my head, inside my perfect self-made world, she never left me. All my thoughts revolve around her—the memories etched into my mind. Her touch, so soft—I never wanted to let go. The scent of her clothes, stealing my breath away. The nights we spent dreaming together, the minutes I never want to regret. I never dared to imagine a lifetime without her. Yet here I am, writing these words with a hole in my chest. I'm bleeding out, the wind kissing my mind, refreshing memories of letting go. The silence surrounds me, a reminder to hold on.

I search the past for redemption, but it eludes me. The only thing left of me are broken pieces of her.”

The words were carefully etched onto the paper, making it hard for you to breathe. You hadn't intended to overstep her privacy—why had you taken that journal in the first place? You dont know. But here you were, sitting with the book in hand, the only light in the living room emanating from the countless candles you'd lit.

The journal looked thicker than usual, and that's what caught your attention first. You knew that book well, even though you'd never seen what she put inside—except for her drawings of animals, Joel, Dina, and you. She'd never shown anyone what she wrote between the pages.

The reason you'd decided to open the book, against all your inner morals, was the fact that as you carefully pulled it out of your bag—treating it like fragile glass—multiple letters fell out. You noticed them right away. They were yours—carefully written letters she'd never dared to answer. The envelopes ripped open showed you she defenetly read them all. You dont know how to feel about that yet. Relieved that she cared enough to read them? Happy becasue she carried your letters with her, doesnt matter where shed go? Or mad, because she never replied? You know nothing. The only thing you're able to do now is bury yourself in the book, reading what Ellie never dared to say out loud.

''Ive been having a hard time adjusting, I had the shiniest wheels, now they're rusting. I didn't know if you'd care if I came back, I have a lot of regrets about that. Pulled the car off the road to the lookout, Could've followed my fears all the way down. And maybe I don't quite know what to say but I'm here in your doorway. I just wanted you to know that this is me trying''

The words cut deeper than a knife,

before you knew it, your eyes traveled to the next phrases, crossed out, you could barely read them:

"It's hard to be anywhere these days when all I want is you.

Seeing you with Sophie burns me from inside out.

Why are you with her?

I know I don't own you, perhaps I never will,

so the anger inside of me when I see you with her

is something I'm not allowed to feel.

What I feel, I shouldn't show you.

So when you're around, I don't.

I let you walk away with her.

I know I don't have the right to feel it,

but it doesn't mean I don't."

The rest of the book was empty, besides some skteches of eyes that look dangerously like yours. You swallowed hard, not really sure of what you should feel. You re-read the sentences out loud, letting the bittersweet aftertaste of them making you feel alive. Your heart has been Ellies since the first time you both laughed together; yet you were so sure of the fact that she would never feel the same. Considering the words in the journal, maybe it wasnt one sided after all. Youre confused, being with Sophia was easy, comftable. But with ellie, it was different. better. You miss the butterflies in your stomach, miss her touch and her closeness. The rollercoster was everything you ever had, after all.

Two days of full selfishness carried its weight, and you continued to keep the journal. The guilt crept in, stealthy as shadows, finding you at night, when the world slept and your thoughts roamed free. Those written pages from Ellie, inked with longing and crossed-out confessions, haunted your mind. You tried your best to hide the pain, a fragile masquerade. Distancing yourself from Sophia and Jesse, you walked the tightrope of deception. It wasn't deliberate; it was survival. The what-could've-been danced like a ghost, whispering secrets in your ear. You wondered if Ellie's heart echoed the same unspoken words.

Sophia, her presence a comforting harbor, yet her touch felt like borrowed warmth. And Jesse, his eyes— The guilt gnawed at you, a relentless hunger. You held Sophia too close, fearing Ellie's phantom gaze. You looked into Jesse's eyes, and the lie about keeping the Journal tasted bitter on your tongue. Ellie, elusive as a wisp of smoke. The barn encounter—the air thick with unspoken truths—left you breathless. You havent seen her since. You called in sick for the patrol meeting, a desperate escape from the inevitable. The fear of facing her again, of unraveling the fragile equilibrium, gripped your heart.

In the quiet of your room, the journal lay open. The crossed-out phrases, the sketches of eyes—they were your silent companions.

——————————————————-

"Okay, Miss being all sad and distant, I'm not having this anymore. Tell me what's going on right now or I'm killing you," Jesse declared, pressing past you as you opened the door. His urgency hung in the air, a storm brewing behind his eyes.

"Jesus, very aggressive today, aren't we?" you quipped, trailing after your friend into the living room. The door closed behind you, sealing you both in a cocoon of tension. You sank into the couch, and Jesse settled next to you, his gaze drilling holes into your soul."Therapy session. Now. What's going on?" His hands clasped together, a makeshift gavel. The room felt smaller, suffocating. You glanced at the coffee table, considering the whiskey bottle, but thought better of it. "Nothing? Do you want to drink anything... or?" Your voice played innocent, a fragile mask. Jesse wasn't fooled. "The jury says stop trying to change the subject." His tone held a mix of exasperation and concern."The jury...?" You grinned, despite the weight in your chest. "Yeah, me." Jesse's eyes softened, and you chuckled. "It's nothing, really.“

"You're completely distant," he said, his voice calm. "Even Sophia asked me if I have any idea what's going on." The truth hung between you like a fragile thread, ready to snap.

"I don't know... it's, urgh, weird." You fidgeted with the edge of a cushion. Jesse leaned closer, his breath warm against your cheek. "Tell me!" His insistence bordered on desperation

"Okay, but promise me not to hate me?" You gave him a side-eye, afraid of meeting his gaze head-on. "Could never hate you," he replied, and the words carried weight. So you spilled it—the secret you'd harbored, the journal you'd found.

Ellie's words, inked and crossed out, danced in your memory. You didn't reveal the exact phrasing, but you shared the confusion—the way her emotions bled through the pages. Jesse listened, his eyes wide, and you wondered if he saw the echoes of your own heartache.

In that quiet room, the truth hung heavy. You'd kept Ellie's words hidden, but now they spilled forth. Jesse's hand found yours, and you clung to it, hoping for absolution. "It's Ellie," you whispered. "It's always been Ellie." His silence spoke volumes, eyes carrying the weight of unspoken understanding. He'd always sensed your feelings for Ellie, perhaps even before you did. It wasn't a secret to anyone but her—the way your heart gravitated toward her, like a moth drawn to a flame. “You guys need to talk.” Jesse said.

"I can't," you whispered, the words fragile on your tongue. The weight of unspoken truths pressed against your chest, threatening to spill forth."And why the fuck not? What do you have to lose?" Jesse's voice held a mix of frustration and concern. He saw through your defenses, stripped away the layers you'd carefully woven. Ellie—the enigma, the ache—loomed between you like a shadow."Afraid of losing her? I think you already archived that." His bluntness cut through your heart. You knew it too well—the missed chances, the crossed-out phrases, the silence that echoed louder than words. Jesse could see the pain in you and the bluntless paired with that slight tinge of what appeared to be anger slowly disappeared into thin air, much like the smoke of a lit cigarette blown into the night sky.

"Look" he begins, sighing while he considers the phrasing of this. He means no harm, but being too gentle could erase the importance of the situation "I want to help you, but you cannot hide yourself away. If you truly want this girl, you need to be able to put in the effort. Dina and Ellie arent dating either, dina told me herself that the two of them thought there was something but ended up with nothing. Be honest with yourself, but also with everyone else" You exhale deeply, relief floods your system despite the heavy heart still pounding against your chest.

Jesse is the kind of friend you can never let go. He's just that important.

Between the soft tunes of comfortingly familiar songs and a few shed tears, the two of you scheme together... Creating a, hopefully, foolproof plan on how to finally approach the elephant in the room. Ellie and you; it wasn't over, was it?

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