#this book was about love from start to finish. wanting to love thru someone's end. loving someone enough to end the world for them | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

shuahoonie · 4 years ago

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out of love [tom holland]

PAIRING: tom holland x female!reader

SUMMARY: being close friends with your ex is fine, right? even if your love for them was unparalleled among others. even if you were still in the process of moving on from them. even if you know they’re happy with someone else. even if you have no clue whether they loved you like you loved them.

WARNINGS: foul language, so much angst, it starts ok at first then goes downhill from there. i literally write things on the go so i don’t know if this will have fluff at some point

(if it does and i didn’t state it here, send me a cute photo of tom and a message of: ok wow she pulled thru 🤪; and if it doesn’t have fluff, send me a meme and a message of: miss girl i simply cannot today ✋😃)

WORD COUNT: 5.6k

A/N: hello! tonight, we are going to be sad!!! i know i usually like to write about all things fluff, but this?? this is just for me because i am having one of those episodes. i just need to feel something again aside from the stress of writing 3 academic papers per week lmao. i’m def not expecting people to like this type of vibe but yannoe. i apologize in advance.

this is inspired by that one episode from new girl (season 6 x ep 16)

gif credits: @thollandgifs

vanessa’s masterlist | taglist form | part two - pandemonium

“You know, you can still live with us right?” Your friend Maia commented as she placed the box, labelled “fine china that mom gave me but will i ever use them?”, on the kitchen island.

“I know,” You murmured dropping the heavy case of pots and pans on the floor. “But maybe living alone will be good for me.” You replied, forcing a smile. “Besides, I don’t want to int—“

“Hey, Y/N, where do you want this?” Harrison asked as he held out a box that’s labelled with “books that my grandpa passed on. HANDLE WITH CARE!”

“Oh, just set it down on the living room—“ before you could even finish, Harrison dropped the box on the floor as if it was nothing. “Harrison!” You hissed, as you quickly rushed to check on the box.

“Y/N, babe, they’re just books. Surely they can withstand any amount of pressure, yeah?” Haz tried to reassure you.

“Haz, those books are from my grandpa—which I’m sure he got from his grandpa.” You sighed. “They’re really old and fragile, so I just want them to be in a well enough condition to stand in my bookcase.”

“‘m sorry,” He murmured, rubbing the back of his head. “It’s just, why do you have to move out?” Harrison asked, frustrated at the whole thing.

“Like I told Maia, maybe having my own place will be good for me.” You replied calmly, as you neatly put the box filled with your grandpa’s books in the corner room—the initial place where you want to build your bookcase. “It’s been a while since I’ve lived on my own.”

“Yeah,” Harrison acknowledged “But there’s absolutely no reason for you to move out. You can’t possibly leave me with her!” He pointed at Maia who let out an audible gasp. Harrison was being dramatic of course.

“Haz—“ You were trying to fight off a laugh. “You two are my constants and if I became dependant on having you two at my convenience, it’s going to be a huge problem.”

“In my opinion, I don’t see it as a problem.” Maia pointed out childishly. You shook your head in disbelief. You had to move out because you miss having a place to yourself— a place where you can be at your complete worst and you don’t have to think about your friends worrying about you.

Besides, moving out means you don’t have to see Tom that often and that was a bonus in your book. It wasn’t a sour breakup per se, it’s just really difficult to feel happy for your ex when he practically showcases how different he is now with his girlfriend.

You prided yourself as a mature and well-rounded person who could be complete friends with her ex as if that’s normal. You could only keep the façade for so long.

Four months. It’s been four months since you and Tom broke up. You lived with Maia soon after the breakup and that enough was a blessing. Maia couldn’t bear to handle the fact that you would be alone at a time like this. Harrison usually crashes at Maia’s so he was bound to move in with you two. In fact, he was always there more often than you.

That was the point where you were convinced that Harrison liked Maia and that Maia liked Harrison.

Conveniently, you and Tom never ‘officially’ moved in together so you could avoid him freely at all costs.

Of course, that was eventually going to end soon. You and Tom were in the same friend group so you were bound to see each other, much to your dismay. You couldn’t exactly make Harrison and Maia pick friends because it’s not fair for anyone.

You were all friends before you and Tom decided to date. Maybe that’s why people say to never date a friend—especially if they’re near and dear.

You were coming back from work when you found people in the living room, and as if the universe really wanted to test you, it was the least likely people you’d expect to see.

“Y/N!” Maia’s voice was pure panic. “I didn’t know you’d be home this early.”

Your eyes quickly flickered between the two people standing across you before you diverted your attention to Maia. “Uh—yeah. There wasn’t really much to do in the office so I came home early.”

Maia turned to Harrison who was equally lost on how to handle the situation. I mean, who wouldn’t?! What were you supposed to do when your friend drops in unannounced with their new girlfriend and to makes the matters worse, your other friend—whom your friend dated before— decides to come home early?

You didn’t know how what kind of spirit took over your body that prompted you to extend your hand to the girl sitting beside your ex and say: “Hello, I’m Y/N.”

The girl looked surprised but shook your hand in return. “Nadine,” Nadine smiled slyly “I—um, I’m Tom’s girlfriend.”

Tom looked mildly uncomfortable but you chose to ignore it. You were becoming good at that—ignoring Tom.

You returned the smile at Nadine. You could feel the burning stares from your friends, mostly Maia. You cleared your throat and said, “I’ll just be in my room to finish the papers I need to send to my editor if you’ll excuse me.”

Before you left completely, you gave Nadine another smile and said, “It’s nice to meet you again, Nadine.”

You don’t remember how you got to your room but that was the least of your concern. You were just undeniably overwhelmed with what just happened that you didn’t even notice that there was a knock on your door.

When you opened the door, it was the last person you expected to see standing in your doorframe.

“Can we talk?” Tom asked in almost a whisper.

You gave him a half shrug and opened the door slightly wider for him.

“We’re okay, right?” He asked, looking at you in the eye.

At this point, you convinced yourself that you were numb. You never talked about the breakup. You never overtly said anything about what you felt. You felt empty. You convinced yourself that you were empty.

You stared back at Tom and without missing a beat, you replied “Of course. Why shouldn’t we?”

“Just admit that you two will miss me,” You teased, grabbing another box from Maia.

“Only if you admit that you’re moving out for an entirely different reason,” Maia whispered carefully as her eyes flickered towards Tom who was also helping with your move out.

You pressed your lips together and acted like he wasn’t even there. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” You said, you know, like a liar.

You weren’t a vocal person. The idea of talking about your feelings was really difficult for you so you try your best to avoid it. Actually, it’s worse than that. You’d go to extreme lengths to avoid confrontation.

Obviously, it wasn’t healthy. You would always distance yourself whenever you feel emotionally exhausted, and you really meant that distance. It wasn’t bad at first—maybe a day or two was all you needed before you felt comfortable enough to be around people again.

Then it became worse when you were in university. You were beyond unreachable. Aside from being emotionally exhausted, you were mentally drained too. You were always buried with papers and readings which was unavoidable but it took a huge toll on you. So whenever you get a chance to get a break, you completely shut off from people.

Your friends definitely noticed it and they tried their best to help.

Tom was among the people who definitely went out of their way to help you. He would always drop by at your dorm with food or coffee—he would literally just drop them off, most of the time. He would leave small notes that up to this day, you still kept and tucked away in a box.

Both Maia and Harrison followed Tom’s approach. They would all alternate on who’s dropping what and when. Some days, Maia would drop off a new skincare product she’s been using or a lovely box of macarons from your favourite patisserie.

On other days, Harrison would drop off some of his home-cooked meals or maybe a book he saw from a local bookstore—a book that reminded him of you.

Tom was very persistent though. He would sometimes wait out on the hall, just so he could see you and reassure himself (and your friends) that you were okay.

You found it taxing at first—you would often try your best to match the energy from your friends, which only left you exhausted at the end of the day. You wanted space and you clearly weren’t getting that from Tom. You did acknowledge that he only did it out of pure concern.

You often wondered why he did that, staying, but you didn’t ask him. You never did.

Maybe you were afraid that you’d come off as rude or that you’d seem ungrateful for dismissing someone when they’ve clearly taken the time off their day just to check on you.

However, every time you’d open that door, it always seemed that Tom would breathe a huge sigh of relief when you lock eyes. Even if it was just for a quick second. You wondered about that too.

Tom wasn’t really being intrusive. Most of the time, he will leave a few minutes after you’d open the door to get the things your friends would drop off. You’d always ask him if he wants to stay inside for a bit, but he’d always decline.

Except for that one time, though. That one time that you knew you were going to fall in love.

It was the week of midterms and deadlines. You were knee-deep with papers from different classes that demanded to be finished that week, one of which was a research paper that practically tied you to your laptop and made you consume an unhealthy amount of caffeine.

It wasn’t until 2 am when you were about to go on a quick drive to a McDonald’s but saw Tom dozed off in the hallway, his back pressed against the wall.

“Tom,” You shook him gently, trying not to startle him. “Tom, wake up.”

His eyes slowly fluttered open, seemingly disoriented at first but would soon fall into the warm familiarity that your face always brings.

“Why are you sleeping in the hall?” You asked quietly, careful not to make a fuss. The walls in your dorm were very thin and you learned that the hard way. You’d think they’d put a disclaimer about that in the lease when you’re housing a bunch of university students with raging sex drives.

It took Tom a minute to fully comprehend the question, seeing that the bright fluorescent light was being harsh on him and that he’s generally like that when being jolted awake.

“Oh, erm, I—” Tom was finding the right words to use. He can’t exactly exclaim ‘I’ve been worried sick about you!’ out of nowhere. Instead he said, “I was waiting for you to open the door, just to see if you’re alright.”

“All night?”

Tom scratched the back of his neck. “It seemed that way, yeah.” He muttered sheepishly.

You were dumbfounded. Surely this was the first time someone actually fell asleep outside your door, waiting for you to come out. It was sweet but highly unnecessary.

“I was just about to head out and get some McDonald’s, do you wanna come with?” You asked, giving him a hand to hoist himself up.

“I should get going—“

“Have you eaten yet?” You asked cutting him off, taking Tom by surprise. He shook his head no. “Then you should really come.” You said, jingling your car keys in front of him.

Tom was debating whether or not to go with you. It’s been a while since you hung out, but that was the same case for everyone. None of your friends have properly hung out with you ever since the semester started.

Tom should say yes, right?

“Let’s go, Tommy,” You said as you grabbed his hand and dragged him across the hall. “I’ve been staring at my laptop all day and I really need some unhealthy food to balance out the concerning amount of caffeine I’ve consumed.”

“Is that why you’re practically bouncing off the walls?” Tom asked amused, trying to keep up with your pace with your hand holding his.

“Totally,” You grinned at him. “I need to wear out the caffeine or else, I’d have to skip my morning class again.”

“French?”

You nodded. “They’re counting the amount of absences in that class and I really need to keep my shit together.”

“‘m not exactly sure why you took that as an elective,” Tom commented, properly wrapping his hand around yours with fingers interlacing each other.

You tried to ignore it, you really did, but the warm feeling that settled around your stomach drove you crazy.

“Why not? I think it’s cool to learn another language.” You nudged him playfully which he gladly returned.

“I know and trust me, I’m in awe that you’re learning another language! erm—I guess it’s just I feel like you’re overworking yourself too much.” Tom pointed out softly, hoping he didn’t come off as rude or intrusive.

“Eh, I don’t mind.” You replied “It’s what drives me to keep going and for me that’s more than enough. Even if it leaves me little to no sleep, even if it takes too much of my time—it’s enough reason for me to do it.”

Tom stared at you in admiration as soon as those words slipped out your mouth and you didn’t even notice it. You were walking towards the student parking lot, consumed by the twinkling lights from the neighbouring lanes near campus.

Maybe if you weren’t busy consuming the quiet campus grounds, you’d notice the very first time Tom fell in love with you.

“Besides, I know a phrase in french now.”

“Hm—and what’s that, then?”

“Je ne suis pas l’escargot”

“L’escargot? Isn’t that—“

“I am not a snail,” You giggled. “Well, it’s true, isn’t it?”

Tom laughed, “I supposed so.”

Maybe if you weren’t so afraid of confrontation, you’d have an idea of when Tom knew that you were his person.

See, the thing is— you needed to face reality sooner or later and both your friends could see right through it.

“Honestly, Y/N, how on earth can your box of art materials be this heavy—” Tom appeared in front of the door frame, heaving as he carried the box from two flights of stairs.

You quickly averted your gaze from Maia, who was staring at you expectantly, and cleared your throat. “You can just set them by the door, Tom. I don’t know where to put them yet.” You said as you tried your best to act normal.

“You sure? They’re a tad heavy and I don’t want you to strain yourself.” Tom asked with furrowed brows.

All you could do was nod. The last thing you wanted was Tom’s focused attention on you.

“If you say so,” Tom sighed in defeat “I’m going to grab more boxes—Baby, you don’t have to carry that!” Tom was quick to disappear as he urgently dashed towards his girlfriend, Nadine.

“Oh, but I want to help, Tommy.” You heard Nadine say sweetly, assuming she was also pouting.

You could see Maia roll her eyes, urging you to give her a nudge and a taunting look. “Maia,” you called her out, silently pleading her to stop.

Maia settled down but she wasn’t exactly calm about it either. “I’m still not sure why she’s here.” She murmured. You and Harrison were close enough that you can hear her rambles—which was expected from her anyway.

Maia and Nadine go way back—like toddlers and playgrounds kind of way. Though that sounds figuratively adorable in a way, Maia and Nadine never got along.

Nadine used to date Maia’s brother, which already caused Maia a great demise. As one could expect, the relationship didn’t end well. She left him out of nowhere, saying she needs to find herself—or something along those lines.

A week after the breakup, what Nadine found was herself in the arms of another man. Of course, Maia’s brother was devastated—He truly loved Nadine. Maia had to be the pillar that her brother leaned on. It took Maia a great amount of time to help her brother pick up the pieces that Nadine left.

So yeah—Maia wasn’t thrilled when she heard that Tom was Nadine’s new boyfriend.

“She offered to help, Mai,” You whispered “Who am I to deny help?”

Maia looked at you as if you managed to empty your head while you were moving in between flats. “She’s been after me ever since we were kids. She’s also the reason why it took my brother months to get out of bed,” Maia deadpanned “and She’s Tom’s new girlfriend. Remember Tom? Your ex?” She said rather loudly.

You gave her a tiny pinch on her arm, causing her to yelp. “Maia, are you nuts?!”

Harrison left the two of you so he could grab more boxes, while you and Maia bickered silently amongst each other.

“You are thicker than I thought—Seriously, Y/N. Quit pinching me!” Maia aggressively rubbed her arm.

“They’re going to hear you!” You hissed. “The last thing I want is for those two to get involved.”

“Babe, they’re already involved. Tom, especially.” Maia remarked. “I see the way you look at Tom. I also see the pain you feel whenever he’s with she who must not be named.”

“I’m not doing this Maia,” you mumbled as you walked past her. Your objective was now to help Harrison with the remaining boxes. Your objective was anything but to talk about you and Tom.

“You have to face it sooner or later, Y/N.” Maia called out “I’m not leaving you or this apartment until you tell me what really happened.”

“What’s going on?” Harrison asked as he entered the apartment, carrying three sets of boxes. You grabbed one from him and actively avoided his question.

Before Maia could reply, Tom and Nadine appeared on the doorframe, with Nadine practically glued to Tom.

“Harrison got the last remaining boxes so we’re heading off now,” Tom announced as Nadine’s face painted with clear desperation to get out of your place. “Are we still going bowling tonight?” Tom asked before Nadine whispered something in Tom’s ear and left.

“I’m actually exhausted so I’ll pass,” You answered, obviously avoiding spending time with your ex and his current girlfriend. You’re not that pathetic.

“Same might actually have to just drink the night away,” Maia responded with a grin.

“Well, there’s no way I’m third-wheeling so I’m good,” Harrison said as he threw himself towards the plush teal couch that you snagged from a flea market.

For the tiniest second, Tom seemed disappointed but gave a tight-lipped smile. “Oh, maybe we can reschedule our bowling night, then?” He asked. “It’s not as fun to go bowling with just the two people.”

You, Harrison, and Maia all shared a look. You weren’t on board with bowling-night, to begin with, but you didn’t want Tom to feel as if you were avoiding him—which you were but no one needs to know that.

Maia looked at you, waiting for an answer because god knows she will solely depend on her decision based on yours. You don’t even have an answer, to begin with.

“What are you two supposed to do then?” Harrison asked Tom. Thank god for Harrison.

“I might take Nadine to this poetry jam event that she’s been dying to go to” Tom replied with a soft voice.

“A poetry night?” Maia almost wanted to laugh “You don’t even have the slightest interest in literature, Tom.” Maia didn’t mean to offend him or maybe she did? She wasn’t completely fond of Tom ever since you and Tom broke up—well, she wasn’t fond of the idea that Tom was dating her ‘arch nemesis’, but Tom was her friend and so were you.

“I know that, Mai.” Tom rolled his eyes “but Nadine likes it and I’ll do everything to make her happy.” That left a bitter taste in your mouth.

“If you say so,” Maia murmured before she took a quick look at you. She looked like she wants to give you the biggest hug. But you held a stoic look on your face—something that you picked up because you were afraid of confrontation.

“I’m serious,” Tom defended, lost in his feelings, which only irked Maia even more.

“I know, I heard you— we heard you,” Maia replied, her face showing only one emotion: annoyed. “God, read the room,” Maia grumbled to herself. Harrison had to reach for her hand, urging her to calm down.

“I really love her,” Tom whispered. That left a slap in the face.

It was a cold Saturday afternoon and it has been raining almost all day. It was one of the rare weekends that you weren’t really occupied to do anything other than to lay on your couch and consume a copious amount of entertainment.

Despite the spitting rain, you actually want to head out this time. Being confined to your desk and the university was torture especially since you couldn’t do anything about it—the four of you were graduating this year, no one could afford to slack off.

You and Tom were cuddled against the sofa— Tom was busy watching something on TV while you were busy scrolling on your phone.

“Hey, Tom?”

“Yes, my sweet girl?”

“Do you want to go downtown?” You asked, looking at your phone as you read the details of an event happening this weekend.

“Right now?”

“Mhm,” you hummed. “There’s a book fair being held at the local theatre.” You rested your chin on top of his chest and gave him a pout. You were getting sick of being cooped up between your study table and the library. This book fair was a change of scenery and it’s definitely right up your alley.

“But it’s raining, darling” Tom tried to say in the softest way possible. It’s not exactly up in Tom’s interests though.

“I know,” You sighed “I guess I’m just getting sick of this place.”

“You’re getting sick of me?” Tom asked with a huge pout. He was kidding of course.

“I don’t think I’ll ever get sick of you, Tom.” You chuckled softly.

“Okay,” He hummed, pulling you closer to him—if that was even possible. “Then can we stay like this for a while?”

“Anything for you, angel.” You whispered as you closed the details about the local book fair. Maybe next time.

Soon after Tom left, Maia pulled you to her side and asked, “You okay, babe?”

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” You feigned innocence. It was clear as day that you weren’t okay, your friends knew that.

Knowing that you weren’t going to budge, Maia walked towards the kitchen and brought out a bottle of wine from the fridge.

Harrison raised an eyebrow at her and asked, “When did you manage to put that in the fridge?” All of you had been occupied with grabbing boxes that there was no way that Maia had the time to put wine in the fridge, let alone obtain them from somewhere.

“It was supposed to be a celebratory drink for Y/N’s new place,” Maia replied as she set the wine and three various mugs on the coffee table. “Obviously, that’s not happening now.” Drinking wine using the oddly designed mugs you collected over the years was a cry for help.

“It’s 4 pm, Mai.” You pointed out as you stared at the white LED clock that you bought off Amazon—another impulse purchase enabled from scrolling on Pinterest for way too long. “We haven’t even had lunch yet.”

“Oh please,” Maia snorted “If there’s one thing that I’ve picked up from university, it’s drinking with little to no food consumption.”

“And if there’s one thing that I’ve picked up from university, it’s cancelling all of my plans for the entire day because I have to tend your hungover-self, Mai,” Harrison remarked as he grabbed the bottle and placed it back on the fridge. “I’m ordering food and no one’s drinking until everyone has finished a meal.”

You heard Maia mutter a string of curses but most especially the part that she said, “This is not the version of daddy that I envisioned Harrison to be.”

All of a sudden Maia’s idea of binge drinking doesn’t seem like a bad idea, you thought.

Turns out Harrison had no intention of letting any of you drink. He was pretty adamant about not having to babysit two drunk messes in one night.

“As if babysitting one isn’t enough,” You recalled Harrison say. He was obviously pertaining to Maia, in which she just huffed the entire time. You often wondered if Maia and Harrison noticed the obvious tension between them, because personally you found it endearing. It was no question that they were meant for each other.

“Y/N, you still haven’t told us whatever happened between you and Tom.” Maia suddenly pointed out. You, Maia, and Harrison were still in the living room, silently watching TV.

You were actively avoiding this conversation for the longest time as you haven’t told anyone about it, and based by the curious faces of your friends, you figured that Tom didn’t tell anyone about it either. You’re still not sure whether that’s a relief or not.

“There’s nothing to talk about.” You mumbled. It’s not like you were lying, there really was barely anything to talk about. Heck—You and Tom never got to talk about it properly either.

“We see the way you look at him, Y/N.” Harrison replied softly. “I think there is something.”

“Look—” Maia sat up properly “I know you’re not really vocal about your feelings, but the fact that you’ve never talked nor showed any emotion about your breakup terrifies me, babe.” Maia’s tone was laced with concern.

“I remember the day you told us about it too,” Harrison couldn’t hide his concern too “We were having brunch together at our usual diner and half-way through our meal, you promptly said “We broke up” when Maia asked where Tom was,” Harrison recalled it like it was a fever dream. He and Maia had already expected that you weren’t going to tell them about the breakup when it just happened. However, it baffles them that it’s been over a year since you and Tom broke up, and not one word has been said about it.

It was silent for a while, except for Criminal Minds that was playing on the TV. You blankly stared at the screen, hoping that you’d catch whatever the agents were saying. It was impossible, especially when all your mind could focus on was the recollection of the day Tom knocked on your door at 1 am to breakup.

You were relatively busy that day from volunteer work, so you haven’t seen any of your friends the entire day—or Tom for that matter. Actually, you haven’t seen Tom in a few days. He would send texts periodically throughout the day but they were always short and most of the time, you always forget to reply.

You figured Tom was busy with his own thing and both of you established early on in your relationship that texting—or lack thereof— shouldn’t account to your relationship, especially since both of you are equally bad at it.

You didn’t think any of it since you were bound to see your boyfriend and your friends tomorrow for brunch anyway. He will have your undivided attention by then.

So imagine your surprise when you heard a soft knock from your door at 1 am, only to find Tom in disarray. His eyes were bloodshot red, tears falling down his face. His messy curls were masked under the hood from his jumper.

At first you were in panic, you thought that something terrible had happened to any of your friends—his family even.

But as soon as Tom dropped to his knees and whispered, “I’m sorry,” you had a clear idea what was bound to happen next.

It’s been silent for a while. The door was still open and Tom sat out in the hall with his back leaning against your wall. You did the same thing except you were on the other side of the wall that Tom was leaning on.

You two were close enough to the door frame that you could hear each other, actually facing each other was a whole other thing. Tears kept streaming down your face as you kept your eyes closed and rested your head against the wall.

At some point in your relationship, you prepared yourself in case this happened— that you would accept whatever happens between you and Tom. You didn’t exactly anticipate that it would happen so soon.

“Was there someone else?” You asked quietly. It was the first time you spoke after Tom dropped to his knees. You hoped there wasn’t. In fact, you silently begged to yourself that there wasn’t someone else, because you knew that you couldn’t handle that.

“No, no—of course not.” Tom immediately answers.”I could never do that to you.”

It was silent again. You were starting to feel numb—you tried your best to gather your thoughts and forced words out of your mouth, but you couldn’t.

“Are we not worth fighting anymore?” You practically whispered. It was a gamble— you weren’t exactly sure if Tom had heard it and you don’t have enough strength to ask it again.

“Y/N,” Tom sniffled. “You can’t say that.” He placed his hand on top of yours. You had your hand resting on the floor and you didn’t exactly notice that it served as an invitation for Tom hold it again.

You love Tom with all your heart. He kept dismissing it but Tom made you a better person. He made you feel like love can be expressed through different forms of things—not just words.

You loved him by exclusively making time for him. You went on museum dates where he would make cheesy remarks, saying that you’re the most remarkable piece of art in the entire place. You went on dates to watch football games—you never understood it but Tom was happy, so you were happy.

You loved him through your touch. You would often massage his back because he had been tirelessly working himself to the core. He didn’t ask for it but you knew it would make him feel better. Your touch didn’t have to be intimate—though you expressed it through that way too

You loved him through mindless actions. Almost every time you would stop by at the local cafe to grab yourself some coffee, you would always recite Tom’s favourite order on autopilot.

You loved him through silence. Study dates were gems for you. Even if you didn’t talk for the entirety of it and even if you were the only one who studied for the most part and Tom was just playing on his phone, having Tom beside you was enough.

You loved him so much that it pains you to think that maybe you weren’t enough for him.

“I don’t think I can fight for someone who doesn’t even want to,” You muttered bitterly. “Just answer the question, Tom.”

He didn’t answer. All you could hear were the silent sobs that you two were trying to hold back. At this point, you knew you wouldn’t look at Tom. Your heart wouldn’t take it—it will crush you.

“Are you not happy anymore?” Your voice cracked as you broke into a sob.

“Y/N—“ Tom squeezed your hand even more. You’re going to miss it, but you had to let go.

“Tom, if I’m standing in the way of your happiness then we should end this.” You cleared your throat and pulled your hand away. There’s a ghostly feeling that still lingered from Tom’s touch.

“Please, Y/N, let me explain—“

“It’s okay, Tom.” You whispered. “I understand.”

“You know I love you, Y/N.”

“I love you too, Tom.”

“But—“

“But maybe it’s best if we end it, I know. I got it.” You let out a deep breath, trying to calm yourself down from crying. “Maybe it’s better if we stayed as friends.” Maybe it’s better to realize that whatever you and Tom had were too good to be true—that your love will never compare to the love he deserves.

“Do you want the truth?” You asked your friends, with tears forming in your eyes. You can’t even decipher how they looked at you because of the tears clouding your vision.

Were they looking at you in pity? Empathy? Sadness?

“The truth is—I’m mad.” You gritted the words through your teeth. This was the first time your friends had seen you like this. All of the pent-up sadness, aggression, and hurt you felt was starting to get the best of you.

“I’m angry. I’m hurt.” You snarled, furiously wiping the tears from your face. “I’m angry at the fact that I can’t seem to be genuinely happy for Tom. I’m hurt at the idea he seems to be a better boyfriend for Nadine, that he constantly makes an effort for her.”

“I don’t even know if he even loved me the way that I loved him,” Your voice became quiet “and it’s selfish for me to think that way because I never fought for it—for us. That’s enough reason to keep me up at night.”

That’s enough reason for you to wonder if you’ll be capable of loving someone so deeply again.

PERMANENT TAGLIST:

@quaksonhehe @dark-infernal-instruments @trustfundparker @emsma11 @tomshufflepuff @spider-babe @goodgirlgonetom @tabi-toast

#tom holland #tom holland imagine #tom holland angst #tom holland x you #tom holland x fem #tom holland x reader #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland fluff #tom holland fic #tom holland blurb #tom holland and reader #tom holland and you #tom holland imagines #tom holland x y/n #tom holland au #tom holland and y/n #the girl writes i guess #txmhoellandwrites

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manonblaqkbeak · 4 years ago

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Dating and Goodreads

Back for Day 8-Blind date (how the hell do u guys come up with good title fics i struggle so bad lol). I wasn’t really going anywhere with this one, but when i read all of the others and saw how fun the fics were, i decided to finish this one.

also for Summertime and Fresh Strawberries, I deliberately left it blank but I can’t hold onto the secret bc two people were curious as to what happened, so i’ll let the rest of you know that aelin and rowan decided to keep summer and be a cute little family, bc im a sucker for happy endings lol (unless its angst, it’s safe to assume that all my rowaelin fics have happy endings bc they’ve all ready been thru so much and even in alt fics i need them to be happy lmao)

anyway, on to the next one. hope you enjoy!

1.8k words

cw: none

Aelin was a confident woman, something that she was proud of. But that didn't mean that there weren't times she didn't feel self-conscious or awkward and full of doubt.

Because right now, all those negative feelings were swimming inside of her.

And those feelings were just magnified today, especially since she had gotten fired only a few hours beforehand. It was utterly unexpected, she had never received any prior warnings, and while she was a fighter, Aelin didn't feel like stepping into the ring for this one. Not when her boss was a demon from hell that made life unbearable and she had to physically push herself into entering the work building.

Aelin told herself that it was for the best. She was miserable there and hated working in an office typing up the worlds most boring reports and working in a space that was entirely too drab.

But she wasn't looking forward to job hunting. Aelin was aware that she could ask her friends for favours, but if Aelin did something wrong, she didn't want it reflected back onto whoever helped her.

And she was still a little peeved over the damned argument she had online again with that haughty prick on Goodreads. Aelin wasn't sure why those arguments kept going, but each time she would post a review, White Tailed Hawk would respond, telling her that she read the book wrong and this and that and blah blah blah.

Aelin repaid the favour each time, telling him how he was wrong and he had no reading comprehension skills. And on and on it went until Aelin or whoever the fuck that guy was went back to their own lives.

Depressingly, it was the most fun she had some days.

Shaking her head, Aelin forced herself to think of the now and not of her shitty day. Still she sighed, not quite believing that she had agreed to this blind date. Couldn't believe that she had let Aedion convince her it was a good idea.

Aelin had said no at first, after Aedion had voiced his offer, and her cousin left it at that. But days went past, and he would bring up the topic of Rowan, about the things he had said that day, how his dry sense of humour took some time to get used to but once you figured it out, he was actually pretty funny, how he had finished a project perfectly and this and that.

But it got to her, annoyingly. So the other day when he was helping her out with some housework that was a two person job, Aelin told him to set up this date. Aedion cheered as if it was the best thing he had ever heard, telling her how she and Rowan were the perfect match for each other.

Aelin rolled her eyes, but didn't say anything of the assessment.

She had only agreed because it was getting frustrating being asked at every family event if she was dating someone, when she was going to give her parents grandchildren (that question pissed her off the most, as if Aelin was nothing but a birthing machine and that was all Aelin could contribute to society), and who was going to look after her when she was old if she didn't have children (because apparently carers didn't exist).

Aelin was also lonely—she could entertain herself just fine, but she did like the idea of coming home and talking to someone that could respond. She loved Fleetfoot and her enthusiasm when Aelin came home, but human companionship would be nice.

But Aelin didn't have high-hopes for this date because the universe liked to kick Aelin's ass from time to time, she suspected that they were going to hate each other.

Taking a deep breath, Aelin got out of her car, smoothed down her romper and went inside the restaurant, head held high.

X X X X X X

Rowan couldn't believe that he was about to go on a blind date. That Aedion had convinced him to go out with his younger cousin. He hadn't dated anyone since Lyria and he knew that his dating skills were going to be rusty as hell. He had been with Lyria since they were nineteen, married at 23 and divorced at 31; he had been single for the last two years.

It had been...fine, a little strange, after being with someone for so long to find himself a bachelor. Rowan never thought that he would apart from Lyria, but their relationship had just faded. Long before the divorce, it had been more like a housemate relationship than a marriage. He wasn't surprised when his ex-wife had come home after work with divorce papers. He had only stared at the paperwork for an hour before he signed the forms. Truthfully, Rowan was just glad that he was still on good terms with Lyria, that they could still talk to one another from time to time.

Rowan had almost called her earlier today, to ask how the hell dates went, but felt that it would have been crossing some invisible line, so he didn't call and instead had Googled the questions instead.

They didn't really help.

Rowan drummed his fingers against the steering wheel, telling himself that if things went wrong, then it wasn't the end of the world. That if he had to be a bachelor for the rest of his life, then that was fine. He had plenty of ways of keeping himself busy—he had a good career, a nice house, plenty of books to read and to argue online about them with.

He had one earlier today, actually, with Queen of Wildfire about a new release that Rowan had eagerly read within days of its release. And once again, he ended up with an argument with the woman about the messages and themes within the book.

It was stupid, he knew, to be at his age and to be fighting online with a stranger, but something about this woman just had his fingers flying over the keyboard.

Some days he looked forward to it, as embarrassing as that was to admit. He didn't really want to look into himself to figure out what it all meant.

Eyes drifting to the dashboard, Rowan realised that his date was about to start. Popping a mint into his mouth and smoothing out his clothes, Rowan took a deep breath and left the car and went to his first date in twelve years.

Hopefully, it wouldn't be too bad.

X X X X X X

The date had started out a little awkward, but that wasn't a surprise to Aelin, because what blind date started smoothly?

It picked up after Rowan admitted that he was divorced and that he had no idea what the hell he was supposed to do. Aelin appreciated that stark honesty and admitted that she too had no idea what to do.

Since then, the conversation went well, the food was good and Aelin had even swiped a few bites of his dinner because it just looked so much better than hers. Rowan had playfully grumbled underneath his breath, but smiled as he said it.

It was going really well. Maybe the universe had decided to give her a break for the rest of this evening. There was a part of her that maybe wondered if they would have sex, because the man did look fucking fantastic, but at the same time, she didn't want to rush anything in case this actually turned into something more.

“What's the dumbest thing that you've done recently or in the past?” Aelin asked. There was no such thing as small talk between them—Aelin had all ready asked if he believed in aliens and was glad when he said yes, because “it's ridiculous to think that we're alone in this wide universe of ours. It makes sense that there'd be other lifeforms out there.” Which was pretty damned close to Aelin's reasoning as well, so asking him about stupid moments felt like nothing in comparison.

Rowan smirked at the question and took a moment to think before answering. “I engage in online arguments.”

“Really? About what, exactly?”

“It's stupid. But my all my arguments occur on Goodreads of all places. Not Facebook, or YouTube, or Twitter, but Goodreads. It's never anything insulting but just arguments about how wrong some people's in depth reviews are.”

“Fair enough,” Aelin said, “I've been known to do the same thing as you. There's this one user on there, White Tailed Hawk—a stupid name if you ask me—and he just never...” Aelin stopped when she noticed that he stopped eating and was just looking at her weirdly. “Rowan? Are you okay?”

“Do you, by any chance, go under the name of Queen of Wildfire?”

Aelin blinked, and then blinked again, and once the pieces fell into place, she knew right then and there that the universe really hated her. She let out a harsh laugh, the sound echoing throughout the space. Aelin wasn't really sure what to say, because it was true what he said; it had never been insulting, but ending up on a date with the man she had regularly arguments with was just...she had no words, other then, “It really is a stupid name.” She took a sip of her wine, needing to do something other than wanting to bang her head against the table.

“I couldn't think of anything else to write.” And it wasn't also his favourite animal, he had told her that earlier.

They lapsed back into the awkward silence of earlier, both picking at their food.

But Aelin didn't want this night to go to waste. “It'd be stupid to let something as small as this get in the way of whatever this could be,” Aelin said, deciding to be blunt.

Rowan nodded. “It would be. Although I have to be honest, you really have no idea what you're talking about when it comes to Call of the Wild Winds.”

Aelin just about stormed off when she noticed his playful smile, his eyes sparkling bright. Laughing, Aelin threw a bread-roll at his handsome face, and once he caught it and split it in half for them to share, they went back to their earlier conversation.

And when Rowan walked her to her apartment door and kissed her on the cheek goodnight with a promise to text her later, Aelin couldn't help herself by telling him that all his opinions sucked and that he had no idea what he was talking about—all with a big smile on her face as Rowan sputtered as she closed the door on his face.

They spent the rest of the night texting, and all of Aelin's earlier woes faded away. And she looked forward to tomorrow, despite the horror of job hunting. Maybe the universe will finally let things turn around for the better for her.

Aelin went to sleep with a smile on her face, all because of White Tailed Hawk.

And on the other side of the city, Rowan also fell asleep with a smile on his face.

#rowaelin #rowaelin fanfiction #rowaelinmonth #my work

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winter-came · 4 years ago

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i'm here to talk vanya :)

1. i don't think vanya has considered the harm it would do to her siblings when she published her book. one thing that stands out to me is how the hargreaves always thought the others had it better and failed to see their pain, luther thinking five was lucky to skip out on reginald's abuse and not taking his loneliness into account for example. in the same vein vanya thought she had it worst cuz she was left out, without considering the trauma her siblings were going thru. the tattoo scene demonstrated this mind-set quite clearly. so when she was writing that book, i don't think she knew just how much it would hurt her siblings, cuz she herself wanted desperately to get on that team.

2. a common theme with her three outbursts are betrayal. pogo, leonard and alison were all withholding information from her, the three people arguably the closest to her in S1. i think the reason why the fandom forgave her so easily for killing pogo and gave luther so much shit for locking her up is the reasons behind those actions. most ppl have experienced some sort of betrayal and the anger that followed, so it's easier to understand where she's coming from. luther for the last two episodes was being cold and calculating and extremely stupid, wanting to kill and abandon one of his siblings until the final scene, while this still makes sense from the character's pov, it's frustrating to watch as a viewer. (also i doubt vanya was fully aware when she was activating her power. when ben was inside her head in S2 she was crying in the corner asking "i'm doing it again aren't i", meaning she might not have full control over herself? and the younger version of herself that talked to her in the basement might be her darker side or whatever? idk but that would be my guess.)

3. i do agree that there is a bias towards vanya in the fandom, but i don't think it's totally unwarranted. when compared to her siblings vanya is the least calculating (maybe except for klaus) and while she did hurt ppl around her it's almost always not within her control (compare that to five or alison or luther) she is the most emotional amongst the siblings and that simply makes her more sympathetic. her story is also the easiest to relate to. very few of us know what it's like to live by ourselves for four decades or having to do substance abuse to shut out the dead, but most of us would at some point feel that we're not special enough, or that we're not loved by those around us. that might explain her popularity. that and Elliot Page.

thx for reading this. i want to hear ur thoughts.

When I saw this ask, my heart started beating real fast. I will try to properly answer each point.

1. I completely agree that Hargreeves have an annoying habit of undermining others' problems and thinking they had it better. E.g “You skipped out his golden years” ← Diego to Five. And yes, in the heat of the moment of writing the book she most definitely didn’t think about consequences. But if my math is correct, it was 5 years before the current time of the show. And yet, she still looked like a kicked puppy over it. And Diego was still maximally pissed off about it even after 5 years, so let’s assume what she wrote there was really beyond the line of decency. Even Ben was shocked to read it. And the unawareness of consequences does not excuse her. It is understandable but it doesn’t erase the fact she had no right.

2. Again, being hurt and acting out of betrayal and anger does not excuse her behaviour. I do completely get from where she was coming. However, if I in blind rage beat up someone, I would still be held accountable. Also it’s important to look at the way she killed Pogo and Leonard. That violence was and is part of her. Interesting thing you pointed out [and I will from now take in consideration] is that she might not be fully in control of herself in those moments. But it does not erase the fact she did it. And if we excuse Vanya killing Pogo out of hurt and betrayal, why don’t we excuse Luther for acting out of fear and unsureness? He did not lock her up out of malice but out of a drilled sense of need to protect his siblings. Vanya proposed a threat and he did not know better at the time. Yet you all were ready to crucify him and hug Vanya.

Also acting out of pain in a murderous way, I would like to point to Diego. Okay, he was not betrayed but he was hurt by Eudora getting killed. He sought revenge. Just like Vanya, we understand where he was coming from. But he did hold back at the end, not finishing off ChaCha. Vanya killed and slaughtered both Leonard and Pogo. There is no way to not acknowledge her darker side.

3. I do not agree on the fact she is the least calculating of the bunch. I would actually put her in third place. Following Five and Allison. Vanya seems timid and calm as long as everything goes her way. The moment it doesn’t? Shit happens.

Good example of it is the whole “Sissy and Harlan business.” Five very clearly explained to her why she can’t take them to present with her. And he did go out of his way to let her say goodbye. [even though it clearly caused him even more stress and there was no time for it].

What did she do? She ignored Five, stubbornly taking Sissy and Harlan with her and if they actually made it to the alley, I bet my ass she would fight Five in order to bring them along.

And I do get why a lot of people relate to her. Outsider, overlooked, undermined, neglected, shy to some degree. And she is empathetic. And she has the most relatable problems. BUT the moment someone crosses her, it’s over for them. And that needs to be taken into account. She is not harmless. She is not least dangerous. She does not need to be cooed. And surely she doesn't have to be so easily forgiven.

Your pain does not excuse your actions. You don’t get to play victim and hide after you do what you do. You don’t get to be a hypocrite.

I tried my best to explain my point of view. I’m sorry it took me so long.

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dangerous-disposition · 4 years ago

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Y'all on this website have zero idea what the word "excessive" actually means and it fucking shows

when a behaviour is described as one that is done EXCESSIVELY, it means "too much" to the degree that it is disruptive and even harmful. Excessive = maladaptive.

And yes, this is about the post calling people as stupid as covidiots for "believing" the idea that excessive reading is a form of dissociation. I'm not commenting on that post because the comments already left on it do not pass the vibe check and I don't want to wade into that cesspit.

Y'all are the ones literally ignoring the word "excessive" or deciding that just means "reads lots of books."

No, that specific behaviour is what I did thru middle school while coping with repressed memories of childhood sexual assault, were I would go to my fucking room at night, pick up a book, read it until I finished it, sleep for like 20 to 40 minutes, just to get up and go to school. I would sleep in class, and that night start and finish a whole book, sleep for 20 to 40 mins before having to get up for school. Rinse and repeat all week. I literally only stopped doing that shit because when I went into high school, I was in marching band and I was too PHYSICALLY exhausted to keep it up between my practices, performances, and competitions. In middle school, the only time I ended up getting full nights of sleep was while I was recovering from fuckn pneumonia. otherwise I was getting... like, max? 5hrs of sleep on weekdays, and then kinda catching up on weekends.

THAT is what the whole "excessive reading is a form of dissociation" is about, and what the og tiktok being referenced was about.

If you hear the phrase "excessive reading is a form of dissociation" and go "I read a lot but I was still fully present and I was reading so much because I was actually interested in the books I was reading" CON-FUCKING-GRATULATIONS! you did not use reading as a safe and acceptable way to dissociate because of trauma!! you are not the target demographic of that statement!!! your love of reading wasn't "pathologized", keep scrolling!! but guess what, you likening people who maybe had a breakthrough about how they process/used to process fucking trauma to covidiots just invalidated a whole lot of people for no fucking reason other than you got defensive about your love of reading.

this is EXACTLY like when you Book Lovers freaked out about Marie Kondo talking about slimming down how many books you owned because none of y'all could be fucking bothered to observe nuance and actually LISTEN to what was being said.

Like, as an adult who used to read EXCESSIVELY and now struggles to actually sit down and read books now that I've learned to cope with my trauma in a productive manner, my reading in middle school was 100% maladaptive and 100% a form of dissociation. And the people this ACTUALLY resonates with understand what was meant by that statement. and hey, anything that can get someone to go "Hmm was/am I participating in maladaptive coping mechanisms by reading as much as I did/do?" is actually, like, good? and maybe if you're getting SUPER DEFENSIVE at the notion that perhaps the amount of reading you used to do or do now is a sign of deeper issues, you should, like, look at that? critically?

just my two cents as a survivor

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bqstqnbruin · 4 years ago

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Priceless

Ok so here I am somehow with a second fic in a matter of, what, two ish days? Anyway, this is one that I wrote and posted last year but I reread it and it sucked so I took it down and rewrote it. Hope you like it!

Word count: 5.5k

Warnings: none? swearing? Typos for sure.

_______________

You loved him with your whole heart; there was nothing that you wouldn’t do for him, and you knew that he felt the same about you. At least, that’s what you used to believe.

Ever the one for dramatics, a three am alarm was what made you question not only your whole relationship but your whole existence. The witching hour was an ungodly time to be waking up and getting ready, no matter what the reason was. Even when it involved flying off to Europe for a destination wedding that involved Jake’s entire team.

“Babe?” you call to him, the shower just turning off. He pokes his head out, hair wet, droplets of water rolling down his face as he waited for you to answer, “We’re going to have time to stop at a Dunkin’, right?” you whine, doing everything in your power to not pass out then and there instead of finishing your packing.

“Maybe?” he says, ducking back into the bathroom before coming out with just a towel on, hanging on his waist. If you weren’t so exhausted, the things you could be doing right now, your mind wanders as he continues talking, “We have to get through TSA and I don’t think they would allow you to bring that through security, would they?”

“Fucking hell,” you mutter to yourself, throwing the last of what you needed into your suitcase, trying to find anything of Jake’s lying around that you knew he would forget. “What if I finish it in the car before we go through security?” you beg, hoping he’ll cave.

“Y/N,” he sings, “then you’re going to have to use the bathroom a million times and it’s going to be my fault.”

“Do I have to be pleasant before I get coffee in me?”

You hear him laugh from the bathroom as you lean back on the bed and close your eyes. “You wouldn’t be you if you were pleasant before your coffee, babe.” You do everything in your power to try to stay awake while he gets ready, him saying random things as he runs around getting dressed, you murmuring weak responses in return. “Hey, come on, sleepyhead,” he says, pulling you off the bed, “We’ve gotta get to Logan.”

You drive there in silence, praying for the moment you get coffee in you as you still struggle to stay awake while Jake keeps talking. The car stops, Jake pulling down the window when you finally open your eyes, seeing that you were sitting in the drive-thru line at Dunkin. “God, I love you,” you say, leaning over and kissing his cheek, a smile covering his face.

“Who’s paying, you or me?” he asks, not letting you answer due to the voice of the cashier inside coming through the speaker to take your order. Two small coffees, enough to hold you over for the drive to the airport before you get more coffee once you’re through the gate. He looks at you as you stare down at your phone, having to check your bank account to see if you even had the money to begin with. “I’ll pay for both,” he says, a calm tone covering her voice.

Money for you was tight. You had never really struggled to pay your bills and your share of the utilities, but you definitely didn’t have the amount of extra cash that Jake did because of the seemingly never-ending student loan payments you were making. “I’m sorry,” you say, taking the coffee from him so he can get to driving again. You hated having the money conversation; no matter who you talked to, they always seemed to bring up the fact that your NHL player boyfriend made more money in a single season than you had seen in your entire life. It always left things awkward, as the implication of you being a gold digger hung in the air between you and the person you were having a conversation with. “I can probably transfer some money from my savings for extra stuff, but I had really only planned on buying a few meals and a few other trinkets for my family,” you admit, staring at the low number that showed in your checking account.

“Hey,” he says, resting his hand on your thigh, not taking his eyes off the road, “It’s fine. Anything you want, I’ll pay for it.” You smile at him, hoping he couldn’t tell from the corner of his eye that it wasn’t sincere. That was another thing you hated: other people covering for you. You grew up being taught that if you didn’t have money for it, you either didn’t pay for it until you had the money yourself, or you forewent it entirely. Having to worry about paying someone back was unnecessary stress in your life. Or, if they were like Jake, then they would insist it was their treat, not taking the money you owed them no matter how much it was.

You look out the window, the empty, tree-lined highway lighting up as the sun rose over it, the sky turning from the dark purple night to a brilliant orange right in front of you. You had never been one to wake up for the sunrise, taking in the sight for what was probably the first time in your life. “It’s so beautiful,” you say, taking a sip of your coffee, “I don’t think I’ve ever seen it this calm and quiet before.”

“I’ve seen one thing more beautiful than this,” he says, a huge smile on his face.

“What?” you ask, bracing him for the cheesy comment you knew he was going to make.

“You,” he says, proudly, trying to find your hand without looking away from the road, bringing it to his lips before connecting his back to the wheel.

“God,” you moan, both of you laughing, “That was so corny.”

“Well, they call me Chef JD, gotta have some corn sometimes,” he says, resulting in you screaming.

“I will in fact leave you if you say something like that again,” you tell him.

“Yeah? Where would you live, then?” he teases, immediately regretting his words, “Fuck, sorry.”

“I’d figure something out,” you tell him, trying to match his teasing tone so that he doesn’t think you took it the way you did. The rest of the ride to the airport is in silence, you both finishing your coffee as you pull up, seeing some of the guys getting their stuff out of their car at the same time. “Hey, aren’t international flights normally at night?” you ask Jake, Charlie, and Matt coming over to help you guys get your bags.

“Bergy booked the flight for all of us and we don’t question him,” Charlie says, pulling Jake away from you, the two of them wandering into the airport with Kylie trying to keep up with her own boyfriend

“It should be more concerning to all of you that he has to act like your father,” you say to Matt, walking with him to security. Besides Jake, you were closest to Matt. He adopted you as a pseudo younger sister, the one who knew just as much, if not more about you than your boyfriend.

Matt shrugs, watching Charlie and Jake mess around with each other in line in front of you, “It just kind of happened that way. None of us ever questioned it, like Chuck said.” The two of you watch the boys, bickering about something as they seemingly all forget their girls were standing right around them. You and Matt fall into a mundane conversation, watching Jake and Charlie together as they pass through security. The five of you gather your things, trying to find which way your gate was so you could meet the rest of the guys before boarding the flight.

Matt figured out that you were supposed to head to the left, so naturally, Jake and Charlie veered right, leaving you and Kylie with all their stuff to lug to the gate. “Where are they going?” you ask Kylie, dumbfounded as you struggle to carry Jake’s bag along with your own stuff.

“Charlie mentioned he was hungry on the way here, so I’m just hoping that’s where they’re going,” she mutters, “Dealing with all of them together is like herding cats,” clearly as cranky as you were earlier that morning as you try to stifle your laughter. Just like you, Kylie was not a person to interact with before she had caffeine in her, one of the reasons the two of you got along so well.

You get to the gate, Jake and Charlie nowhere to be seen even though you were suddenly surrounded by the rest of the Bruins roster. From the looks of the waiting area, the flight was mostly the guys and their families, and thankfully so: you would hate to be on a plane with the Bruins organization if you were outside the organization itself. You loved the boys, but god, they were loud and annoying sometimes. Everyone else on the plane would definitely hate the group, but they didn’t care. The city was fueled by the hate of everyone who wasn’t them.

Jake and Charlie finally reappear, more coffee and now food in hand. Jake hands you what he got you as you reposition yourself so you’re sitting cross-legged on the seat, slightly uncomfortable due to how scrunched up you were so you could face him. You lean over, kissing his cheek before you start eating

He turns his head to smile at you as you catch him off guard and kiss him again. “What’s this for?”

“I don’t tell you enough that I appreciate you,” you say to him, taking a bite of the breakfast sandwich he got you.

Jake smiles at you, turning himself so he faces you. He wraps his hand around the back of your neck, gently pulling you towards him so he can kiss your forehead, mumbling something you can’t quite make out against your skin. Charlie starts chirping Jake over something, resulting in him leaving you to go argue with his teammates. You can’t help but smile as you watch Jake and his teammates. You knew he loved them, just like they loved him.

“You didn’t have coffee in you when I was talking to you before and you were actually pleasant?” Matt plops down next to you, taking your attention away from Jake.

You roll your eyes at him, even though you knew he was right, “Shut up, Gryz. Jake and I stopped for coffee on the way here. This is round two,” you say, raising the cup to him. The two of you watch some of the younger guys aggregate around Jake and Charlie, Jake telling them some story while they hang onto every word of his, laughing their heads off with every sentence. “God, he loves you guys.”

“Yeah, but you know he loves you more,” Matt says, nudging your shoulder.

“I think he loves Oreos more than he loves me sometimes,” you joke, knowing that it’s not true. Hoping that it’s not true, more like it.

“Trust me, JD loves three things in this order: you, hockey, then Oreos. He loves you more than he loves hockey. Nothing you can do will change that.”

You both laugh, the announcement for your flight to board interrupting the noise the rest of the guys were making. Jake rushes over to your side, picking up the bags both of you were planning on bringing onto the plan, practically pushing Matt out of the way. He kisses you on the cheek, a soft smile on his face.

“What?” you ask him, linking your arm in his.

“I love you,” he says, getting in line behind some of the guys.

“I love you, too,” you say, leaning your head against his arm.

“Ready for seven hours on a plane with these fools?” Jake asks, using his other arm to gesture to the rest of his teammates.

“I’m only ready because you’re with me,” you say to him in a sing-songy voice.

“Woah! So you can be corny, but I can’t?” he jokes, sending you two into a flirty bickering match as you board the plane with everyone. You get settled into your seats, resting your head on his shoulder to hopefully fall back to sleep despite the amount of caffeine coursing through your veins. You can hear the guys talking around you, probably annoying the rest of the passengers on the flight more than they intended.

You end up in that half awake-half asleep state while on his shoulder, the sounds of the rest of the guys fading in and out as you did. You could feel Jake occasionally kissing the top of your head, resting his on yours in an effort to go to sleep like you were. Both of you were woken up by the sound of the flight attendant coming through with food, the long flight warranting a hot meal, you and Jake being handed something different than the rest of the people around you.

“What is it?” you whisper to him once the flight attendant has passed by you.

“None of the free meals looked good so I got us something different,” he says, taking a bite of what looked like chicken covered in some sort of sauce.

“We could have just done the free meal so you wouldn’t be paying for me again,” you mumble, a little annoyed that he didn’t even ask when paying for food made things awkward earlier that morning.

You sit there in silence, eating the food that Jake bought you. Honestly, it was airplane food, not something that you had even wanted in the first place but you couldn’t let it go to waste now.

“I think I’m gonna go sit with Charlie,” Jake says, getting up without saying another word once the food is gone, leaving you to sit there by yourself with the other people in the row.

You try to find something to watch on the screen in front of you, only to be interrupted by Matt appearing and Jake’s seat, startling you as you rip out the headphones you had on while the first movie available was starting to play. “Your boy just kicked me out of my seat by sitting on top of me.”

You can’t help but laugh, picturing the other passengers' reactions around then as the grown men that were Jake and his teammates acted like absolute children. “I don’t know what’s worse: the fact that he did that or that fact that I’m not shocked that he did that.” You watch him with Charlie, your smile fading as his grows.

“Hey, what’s up?” Matt asks, pulling your attention away from Jake.

“Same argument that we haven’t really fought over yet.” Matt was the only one on the team that knew about the seemingly never-ending awkwardness that surrounded you and Jake when it came to money. “It’s not getting worse, but it’s more frequent. I’m just worried we’re gonna end up blowing up at each other and losing each other in the process,” you tell him, fixating on the screen in front of you.

You hear him exhale, looking over to see a sad look on his face. A single lock of hair falls down in front of his forehead, moving along with the rest of his head, “Couples fight. I don’t want to tell you that you should have this argument this weekend, but you have to talk about it. And I mean really talk about it, not just the vague undertones you two constantly have dancing around the subject.”

You stare at him, slightly confused at how something like that came out of him, “I don’t like how you said that so eloquently,” you laugh, Matt throwing his head back to join you.

“But you know I’m right,” he says.

You roll your eyes. “Yeah, yeah,” you huff, waving him off.

Without another word, he hands you his other earbud, starting a movie on his screen that would hopefully last the rest of the flight. You rest your head on his shoulder to get a better view of the screen, picturing Jake in his place.

You didn’t remember falling asleep, but you must have at some point because the next thing you know, the movie is over, the plane is about to land, and Matt is trying to get you off his shoulder so he can get back to his seat. “Hey, Y/N,” he whispers, nudging his shoulder gently. “Jake’s coming back,” he says, acting as if he didn’t want to get caught with you asleep next to him.

“Hi,” you yawn, rubbing your eyes as he plops back down in his seat, him kissing your cheek as you now struggle to stay awake. “It’s like, the middle of the night now, isn’t it?” you ask him, having no idea the time difference between Boston and where you were.

“I think it’s like 10 pm. I didn’t realize I was dating an old woman,” he jokes, pulling a laugh from you.

“You wear me out, babe,” you say, everyone getting up from their seats, the boys making more noise than anyone on the plane as people anxiously waited to get off.

“And you keep me young,” he says, giving you a quick peck before handing you your bag.

You hear someone groan behind you, turning to see Matt standing there already waiting for the two of you to move out of his way. “I’m not going to hang out with you if you’re like this the entire trip” he teases.

You can’t help but scoff, playing into the teasing nature of his comment. “Sorry, bubs, you’re the only one who didn’t bring a date so that makes you our third wheel.”

“I could third wheel any of the guys here and you know that,” he tries to defend himself as Jake grabs your hand and starts to pull you off the plane.

“That’s a weird thing to brag about,” you tell him, the three of you walking in a line to go get your bags, you and Matt carrying a conversation while Jake stands off to the side, not paying attention to the movement of the unfamiliar airport around him.

Everyone waits outside for whatever transportation Patrice had arranged to the hotel, still unsure how he swung any of the details he did. The guys had way too much energy considering how many hours they spent cooped up on a plane. You were exhausted, the coffee practically gone from your system as you tried to convince Jake to just go back to the hotel room with you and spend the night in. “Please?” you beg him, draping yourself on his arm as he waited to get your room keys.

“But the guys want to explore the city,” he whines, jutting his lip out to you.

“I have no more coffee in me,” you whine back. He pouts at you, contemplating whether or not it’s worth it to try to convince you to stay in or go explore with the guys. “I will do anything you want.”

He raises his eyebrows, pulling you close to him, “Anything?” he asks, forgetting the guys surrounding you as he kisses you, his grip around your waist tightening as his teammates start teasing the two of you.

“Hey, JD! Save that for the bedroom!” Matt chirps, your face turning bright red at his words.

“Ah, fuck off and let me love her,” he says, his forehead against yours. “I think I like the sound of the bedroom.”

You ignore the chirps from the boys as he kisses you again, the heat in your cheeks not subsiding until the two of you get to your room. “Are you sure you don’t want to go out with the guys? Apparently, the nightlife is supposed to be awesome in the city,” Jake says, flopping down on the bed. You had been there all of two seconds, and he was already starfished on the mattress, staring up at the ceiling.

You sigh, sitting down next to him. “I told you I don’t want to go out,” you repeat, a little more annoyed than you intended to sound. “I’m tired, and when we go out, we’re going to end up spending more money and-” you stop, cutting yourself off as Jake sits up.

“Hey,” he says, taking your hands in his, “I told you I would pay for you. It’s not a big deal.”

“It is, though. To me it is. I don’t need you to keep paying for me for everything. I don’t want you to.”

“What’s the big deal?”

Were you really about to have the fight you and Matt talked about on the plane in your hotel room? “Don’t you get it? You have so much money while I’m constantly struggling to make ends meet because of fucking loans. Do you know what it’s like to be a grown adult and live off someone else's money, the constant looks from people when I talk about you that say they think I’m just dating you for your money? That unless you’re home and go grocery shopping for us, I have to choose between food and gas until you get back? All I am is a fucking burden.”

“What, you think I don’t know about all of that? Why do you think I pay for you? So you don’t have to worry about food and gas,” he says, getting up.

“And I hate that you do that!” you snap, “That you feel like you have to. It’s like a slap in the face that I can never pay for anything and you have to pay for everything.”

“So what do you want me to do? Stand by and watch you struggle when I have the means to help you?” The volume of his voice matched yours, hearing doors in the hallway opening and closing, praying that it wasn’t other guests trying to figure out what room the screaming match was coming from.

“I don’t mind if you help out once in a while when I really need it but it’s stuff like the second round of Dunkin’ when I could barely get the first, the meal on the airplane when they give out free ones, or when you keep asking to go out, knowing that we’re going to spend money after I told you no.” Jake rolls his eyes, pushing past you and out the door. “Where are you going?”

“I’m going out with the guys. You want something, you can get it yourself, see if I care,” he hisses, leaving you standing there with the door propped open by your foot, watching him walk away. Matt gets off the elevator when he tries to get on, saying something you can’t make out when the elevator door closes.

“What the hell happened?” Matt asks, looking between you and the elevator.

You shake your head, trying to hold back the tears that were forming, knowing that there were other people in the hallway that had just witnessed the end of whatever that was. “Remember the fight you said we would have? We just had it,” you tell him, flopping down on your bed with your hands over your face. You let out a long groan, feeling the weight of Matt’s body sink the corner of the mattress down. You knew he was giving you that sympathetic look that was going to make you more upset, feeding into your already upset nature just that much more.

“What happened?” Matt repeats.

“We just finally snapped. God, of all places to have a stupid fight like this, we have at the night before your teammate is supposed to get married. I mean, fuck, we’re in Barcelona, for god's sake and you and I are here watching me mope instead of exploring like we should be.”

“Well, who says we can’t?”

“My bank account.”

Matt pries your hands off your face, forcing you to sit up despite you clearly not wanting to. “There’s so much to do in Barcelona at night that doesn’t involve spending money. We can find the guys no problem, probably doing something free.”

“And how do you expect we do that?” you ask him as he tries to drag you off the bed, grabbing the room key on the way out the door.

Matt waves his phone in the air, a smug look on his face. “I have the location of everyone on the team, past and present, on Find My Friends.”

You hesitate for a minute, your wallet and bag sitting right there by the door for you to grab to go join your boyfriend and his teammates and try to enjoy the night despite the fight you just had. “Matt,” you try to protest, your eyes darting back and forth between him and your bag. You didn’t want to worry about Jake on the night out, but you knew you couldn’t be spending a lot of money. You had been out with the guys too many times before when Jake promised they wouldn’t be big spenders, only to go home and have to worry about how you were going to survive to the next paycheck.

“If you want anything then I’ll pay for it and you pay me back with food or something. Y/N, Jake is wandering Barcelona with Charlie right now, probably just as upset as you are,” he tries to reason with you. “There’s no point in sitting here alone in your hotel room when you’re in a city that you’ve been talking about visiting for as long as I’ve known you.”

You let out a groan, knowing that he was right. “I can’t stand you,” you mumble, grabbing your bag and heading out the door with him.

Matt had his phone pulled out, trying to navigate the city based on a little dot that showed your boyfriend’s location. You had no idea where you were going, and, to be honest, you weren’t sure that Matt had any idea either. You had never been in a situation where the two of you had to wander through unfamiliar territory before, but something told you it was going to be a while before he figured out how to get to the rest of the guys.

“Matt, this is useless. We’ve been walking around for over an hour already,” you tell him, sitting down on the bench that was just off the path you had been taking.

“It hasn’t been an hour, you’re being dramatic.”

Matt sits down next to you as you pull out your phone. “We left the room at 10 pm. It’s 11. That’s an hour,” you snap at him, clearly hating that you can’t find them. “I just want to see Jake,” you mutter.

“Have either of you calmed down enough to have an actual conversation with each other? You know, not a screaming match?” Matt asks you, watching the small dots that represented his teammates move around his phone screen. “If you want to try to figure out your way around here, when neither of us speaks the language to ask for directions, we can. If not, we go back to the hotel.”

You stare at his phone, seeing JD, CM, TF, two JS’s, and a DP altogether, somewhere off the road where neither of you were able to figure out how to get to them. You shake your head, thinking about Matt’s words: you weren’t sure you were cooled off enough to talk to Jake rationally, and you had a feeling he was still the same. “Let’s just find our way back to the hotel,” you tell him, getting up off the bench.

You look at Matt, the look of sympathy covering his face as he follows you back the way you came. You probably could have easily found Jake and the rest of the guys, working out whatever the hell you needed to before the wedding tomorrow. If you couldn’t work it out, what did that mean for your future, though? If you didn’t live with Jake, you would be struggling way more than you were now, probably living paycheck to paycheck without the luxury of everything Jake did for you.

Were you wrong to be mad that he was trying to help?

The two of you get back to the hotel, the empty lobby eerily echoing with your footsteps on the marble floor. You hadn’t even noticed it before, the hotel you were staying at was probably the nicest one you had ever set foot in. You were tempted to sit on one of the chairs in the lobby, wait there for Jake and the rest of the guys to come back despite the fact that they would probably be drunk off their asses when you saw them.

Matt puts his hand on your arm, snapping you out of your thoughts. “Do you want to stay down here and wait?” he asks you, reading your mind, “Or, do you want to go back to either your room or mine?”

“I don’t want to impose,” you try to protest.

“So, you’d rather go back to an empty room and wallow alone instead of sitting on my bed, eating ice cream, and watching a movie,” he tempts you, raising his eyebrows with his offer.

“I don’t want ice cream.”

Matt scrunches his nose, letting out a laugh. “I never said the ice cream was for you. It’s summer, I can cheat on the nutrition plans a little more right now.”

He manages to pull a laugh from you, the two of you heading up to his room. You plopped yourself on his bed, your hands behind your head while you couldn’t take your mind off Jake. You really didn’t want him to be as miserable as you felt, but part of you also did want that. Was that bad?

You knew you had to set boundaries. You knew you couldn’t live without him, both financially and in life in general.

“You know,” Matt says, pulling you out of your thoughts yet again, “The guys are back here at the hotel. If you wanted to go back to your room, I’m sure you could talk to him now.”

You roll over, your back facing Matt. “I don’t think he would want to talk to me.”

Matt sighs, lying down next to you and staring up at the ceiling. “Like I told you in Boston, Jake loves you more than anything. If I know anything about him, he’s just as miserable as you are, probably back in your room panicking about where you are.”

You turn to him, narrowing your eyes. “This is your way of trying to get me out of here before the ice cream comes and you feel like you have to share with me, isn’t it?”

You both laugh, sitting up to get ready to go. “Oh, of course.”

You head out, opening the door, caught off guard by who was standing there. “Jake?”

He shoves his hands in his pockets, looking down at his feet. “I thought you would be here.” You nod, both of you standing there in an awkward silence as you held the door to Matt’s room open. You didn’t know if you should speak first or wait for Jake to do it, and apparently, he felt the same.

“As much as I love just staring at you two,” Matt breaks the silence. “Would you be able to do this with my door closed? You can be in here, but,” his voice trails off. He wasn’t sure he wanted to hear whatever it was you were about to talk about even though he already knew.

“We’ll see you tomorrow,” you tell him, letting his room door close behind you as Jake took your hand in his, leading you down the hall to your room.

You don’t say anything until you get into your room, both of you sitting at the foot of the bed.

“I’m sorry I got mad,” he says, his hand still in yours but unable to look at you.

“I’m sorry I got mad,” you repeat, for lack of better words to say. “We need boundaries. I get that you want to pay for things, but I need you to ask me before you do, especially if it’s something we don’t necessarily need.”

“Ok,” he draws out, trying to figure out how to frame his words. “Would you be ok with asking me for help when you need it? You know I can help you, and it kills me seeing you struggle when I have the means to make this stop.”

“I just want you to ask.”

He smiles at you, raising his hand to cup your face. “I will,” he says, his lips finding yours for a soft, sweet kiss. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

You spend the rest of the night together, trying to figure out boundaries of what and when Jake can lend you money, what should be paid back, what he doesn’t want back, everything. It was the conversation you should have had years ago, yet never did.

The next morning, you get ready for his teammate's wedding, slipping on the dress, your back towards Jake while he put on his suit. “Can you zip me up?” you ask him while he adjusted his sleeves.

He comes up behind you, his fingers holding the small zipper and slowly pulling it up your back. Jake wraps his arms around your waist, pulling you in front of the mirror hung on the wall of the room, his head nestled on your shoulder. “I can’t wait until we get married.”

You laugh, craning your neck to kiss the side of his head. “That’ll be an expensive day, won’t it,” you joke.

“Yeah, maybe. But spending the rest of my life with the girl I love? That’s priceless.”

#jake debrusk #jake debrusk imagine #nhl #nhl imagines #hockey #hockey imagines

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dreamescapeswriting · 5 years ago

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BTS Reaction || You’re Pregnant But He’s Busy [Request]

Disclaimer: I know it said to break your heart and I hope I achieved it but I had to make a happy ending, you guys are turning me fluffy what have you done to me…I’m turning soft

Seokjin:

"Are you sure?" Namjoon asked as he passed you a bag of flour, you began measuring out what you needed and nodded at his question. Of course, you were sure.

"I've taken seventeen tests Namjoon, all but one were positive." Namjoon seemed to be more thrilled about the news than you did but it wasn't that you weren't happy, you were ecstatic but there was just one problem that was getting in the way and it was that this pregnancy wasn't planned and you and Jin hadn't talked about having kids together yet. Sure you were married to one another but you didn't know if he was even ready for kids, he was always so busy with his job which you understood because of who he was but sometimes it was just lonely.

"So you're going to tell him today right?" Namjoon asked reaching for one of the cupcakes you had made but you slapped his hand away telling him to keep his little hands-off,

"Yeah, is he at the studio all day again?" Jin had been working triple the usual amount so you hadn't seen him much only adding to your loneliness but you hoped this would make him feel better and start coming to you more.

"Yeah, he's working on some more guitar tracks, I have to go. Let me know how everything works out." Namjoon said kissing the top of your head and leaving your shared house with Jin. Namjoon and you had always been close friends and it grew closer as you and Jin became a couple, it was nice to have someone to talk to about stuff that wasn't always Jin or your mother.

(X)

You walked up to the studio that Jin always worked in and knocked five times letting him know that it was you that was at the door and not someone else.

"Hi baby, I brought you something to eat and to remind you to take a break." The cupcakes were all under a small tray in your hands spelling out the words 'I'm pregnant' along the tops of the cupcakes in pink and blue icing. The cake batter was one of Jin's favourites and you'd been trying to get it perfect for weeks, you wanted this to be a special way of announcing it to him.

"Thanks." Jin mumbled not even looking in your direction, you laid the cakes down onto the table and watched him from behind hoping he would turn around and greet you soon since you were wearing a 'Number one Mummy shirt' but he wasn't moving any time soon.

"Jin?" You whispered not wanting to annoy him but also wanting him to notice, he groaned turning around and looked at the table.

"Your baking sucks baby. I'll just order in." You felt a ping in your chest but you ignored it looking at the back of his head as he turned back around to face the computer screen.

"Jin will you just look at the cupcakes?" You questioned and he groaned yet again staring straight at you,

"Were you always this annoying when we were dating, fuck!" He mumbled getting up to look at the cupcakes but since he was in such a mood he ended up knocking them onto the floor,

"Fuck sake!" He yelled out,

"This is your fault you know! If you just stayed out of the way and stopped being so god damn fucking clingy this wouldn't have happened." Your eyes filled with tears as he yelled at you like that, he booted the tray of cakes and you ran out of the room while he bent down to look at the now smushed up cakes that probably didn't spell anything out.

"Oh damn. The cakes...Were you really that happy about being a dad?" Namjoon laughed coming into the studio to find the cakes in the bin, he figured Jin had just gotten excited and knocked the tray over.

"A dad?" Jin questioned turning away from the computer to look at Namjoon who knew he'd fucked up,

"Didn't Y/n tell you?"

"No, she just brought me cupcakes and ran out when...I started yelling at her." He said slowly, he began to realise what had happened and then looked at Namjoon who was frowning at him.

"Why did you yell at her?"

(X)

"Jagi?" You ignored Jin as he crawled into bed that night, you were pretending to be asleep not wanting to talk to him after what he'd done in the studio but he wasn't about to give up on trying to talk to you.

"I know you're not asleep if you were asleep you'd be making those cute little snoring noises." You rolled onto your side so you were facing the wall instead of him and he sighed laying down behind you and spooning against you. His hands went down to your stomach where they rested against it running his thumb up and down the non-existent bump that was there.

"How far along?" He whispered in your ear,

"12 weeks, I have a scan on Friday." You mumbled not wanting to talk to him since he hadn't even said sorry for what he had done earlier. He could tell you were trying your best to come across cold and he knew it was his fault for yelling at you the way he did,

"I have no excuse for why I yelled like that, but you know I don't find you clingy right?" He whispered wanting you to know that he really didn't find you clingy. He loved that you were always coming to check on him at work, it was one of the many reasons he married you.

"I love you with all my heart and I promise never to get mad like that and snap again." You hummed and he kissed your cheek,

"I'm sorry." He whispered to you and as soon as the words left his mouth he felt your body relax and turn around to face him,

"We're going to be parents." He whispered to you before kissing your forehead and listing names he'd liked the sound of.

Yoongi:

You'd been planning this with Hoseok and Taehyung for weeks and it was finally going to happen. You'd managed to convince Yoongi to take the weekend off and go with you to a cabin out in the middle of nowhere for some alone time but it wasn't going exactly as you had planned. Yoongi had brought along his laptop so he could work from home completely disregarding the words ''weekend off'' and working non-stop. The plan was to tell Yoongi you were pregnant while you were drinking hot chocolate by the fireplace on the first night there but the first night there was spent in bed alone while Yoongi was sitting at the kitchen table and working away. The days were spent the same way, he was busy working so you were left lonely and needing something to do, you'd finished the three books you'd brought along with you and you'd even managed to complete a puzzle or two that were in the cabin. You were used to being alone that wasn't the problem, the problem was that he told you he was going to take the weekend off and yet he'd brought work along with him and you felt like the third wheel. The second night was spent the same way as the first night there, you didn't get to tell him you were pregnant and so you were determined to tell him that night, the third and final night you had there even if it meant hiding his laptop away until you could finally tell him the words.

He'd just gotten out of the shower and was dressed in his Pj's and you had hoped for a second that he was going to go and sit with you but he walked into the kitchen and looked around for a couple of minutes.

"Baby, did you move my laptop?" He questioned coming back into the living room of the cabin, you looked up from the ice cream tub and nodded at him.

"I did, I'll give it back to you if you come and sit with me." You told him but he grumbled something under his breath asking for you to give it to him now.

"Yoongi, please. This is important." You said back to him taking the ice cream tub you were eating from and putting it down onto the coffee table. You'd been trying to do this all weekend and there was no way you were going to stop now, it was the first time he wasn't clung to the laptop like it was a second skin for him.

"More important than stuffing yourself until you get more fat? First, you drag me away from work and then you take away my laptop, you're just so god damn clingy and annoying!" You stared at him in shock and then down at the small bump that was starting to show,

"I'm getting fat Yoongi because I'm fucking pregnant." You snapped getting up from the sofa and going into the bedroom to get the precious laptop for him. You pulled the laptop out from under your pillow and pushed it into his chest, ignoring the shocked expression his face.

"Pregnant?" He questioned staring at you but you ignored him and went back into the bedroom of the cabin slamming and locking the door behind you so he couldn't try and worm his way back into the bed with you. Yoongi stared at the bedroom door in shock wondering why he'd been so mean to you but it was all starting to make sense, why you brought him out here to tell him and not just back home. You wanted him to be excited about it and to have privacy to tell him about everything and yet there he was being mean to you, yelling at you and even ignoring you all weekend.

(X)

The drive home was awkward and uncomfortable he tried to make some kind of conversation with you about the baby but you ignored him staring out of the window and turning up the music that was playing on the radio trying to drown out whatever he was trying to say to you but he wasn't going to give up.

"Are you planning on ignoring me forever?" He questioned pulling into a drive-thru and ordering your favourite food, the smell of it making your mouth water and the pregnancy craving side of you beg you to talk to him.

"Maybe." You mumbled taking the burger away from his hand and biting into it while he stared at you the entire time smiling softly as he watched you eating the burger.

"I'm sorry I told you that you were getting fat." You shrugged your shoulders at him wiping your mouth on a napkin,

"It's true, I am." You laughed looking at the small bump that was under your shirt,

"But you're getting bigger to accommodate for our baby," He said reaching his hand out and laying it on your stomach, you nodded at him again and he smiled sadly.

"I promise I'll try and be there more, I won't keep taking weekends off and bringing work with me." He began to ramble on about how he was going to make this work and you shook your head at him telling him everything was fine.

"We'll make it work Yoongi," You promised him leaning across and giving him a kiss on the cheek, he smiled starting up the car again and finishing the drive back to the shared home you had together.

"I can't wait to tell the boys." You bit down on your lip and looked at him,

"What?" He questioned as he glanced at you before putting his eyes back on the road in front of him,

"Taehyung and Hobi already know, they were the ones who helped me plan the weekend away with you." He groaned looking at you again and then back to the road.

"By the time we're back, everyone will know." He joked taking your hand in his and holding it while he changed gears.

Hoseok:

You'd seen Hoseok stressed before but this was something else he was always coming home late and when he was home he would sleep and not speak to you or he would just be silent the whole time so you were debating giving him the news about your pregnancy. Jin had been hyping you up since the moment he found out you were expecting and he'd been wanting you to tell Hoseok as well, Jin was the worst at keeping secrets in the group and you knew that all too well.

"Hobi?" You asked when he walked through the front door that night, you had a bubble bath ran for him and made sure it was a relaxing setting for him. You'd even started cooking his favourite meal so he would feel comfortable with you again but he grumbled something you didn't hear and went straight to the bedroom.

"Hobi?" You whispered following him up to the bedroom and watching as he fell down onto the bed, he was dripping in sweat meaning he'd been working on routines for him and the boys again, he was always working hard and you loved that about him you just hated that he would get to the point of this kind of stress.

"Leave me alone. I've been busy all day and I just want five minutes alone, is it too much to ask!?" He yelled making you jump a little, you looked at the floor and then back up to him.

"There's a bath run," Was all you said before you went downstairs to give him some alone time, you knew how stressful his life was so you weren't going to sit up there and stress him out some more. You were just going to wait until after he calmed down and destressed to tell him about the pregnancy.

"I'm starving," You heard him say and you got up from the sofa going into the kitchen and taking out his food that had been waiting in the oven for him.

"I made your favourite," He kissed you cheek and sat down at the table starting to eat,

"There's something I want to tell you and it's important." You said to Hoseok, you sat down on the chair in front of him and watched as he rolled his eyes back at you.

"Another shopping sale and you need money?" You frowned looking at him, you'd never once gone to him for money because you worked for your own cash and paid for your own things.

"No, Hoseok this is about something else. About us, I know you're busy-"

"You have no idea how busy I am. Fuck. If this is because I'm never home then get over it, I have more important things to keep my mind on than making sure I'm home every night to you. You're the reason I'm so far behind on coming up with new dance routines you know, I'm always late and it's not fair on the boys," You stared at him as he ranted off the things that were wrong with him at work and blamed everything on you like you had some sort of control over his life and what he did at work.

"My fault?" He nodded getting annoyed with the topic of conversation,

"You always want me at home, you're always so goddam clingy and distracting!" You nodded slowly at what he was saying and he scoffed getting up from the table and going up to bed.

(X)

The next morning he woke up to find that you weren't laying beside him in the bed and he frowned, normally he would have woken up to find you curled up into him. Even if you had a fight you always woke up together it was just how it worked, he got up from the bed to look for you but found no sign that you were even in the house. It was 5 in the morning and you had nowhere else to go so he was starting to get worried when his phone started beeping, he turned off the alarm and saw a couple of calls from Jin.

"You're up early." Hoseok laughed to Jin but Jin didn't laugh back,

"Why is your girlfriend asleep on my living room sofa and not in her bed where it is comfier for her and the baby?! Did you kick her out Hoseok just because she's pregnant?!" Jin asked but the line went dead so he stared at the phone and then over to your sleeping body, he'd given you a spare key for emergencies so he assumed this was one of them.

Hoseok bursting through the door was what woke you up and you stared up at Jin who was looking at a sweaty and panting Hoseok,

"Did you run all the way here?" He questioned but Hobi ignored him going over to you and dropping to his knees in front of you on the sofa. He took your hands into his and he stared up into your eyes,

"Jin you told him!?" You yelled looking away from Hoseok and over at Jin who was now making a run for the stairs.

"Why didn't you tell me?" You stared at him and bit your lip,

"I tried to tell you last night but you snapped at me." You sniffled and he stared at you sitting down beside you and bringing you into a tight hug.

"I had no right to snap at you, none of it is your fault ever...I'm sorry I'm just-"

"Stressed. I know and I'm sorry I'm pregnant but it takes two to make a baby," He shook his head at you kissing the top of your head.

"Don't be sorry baby, we're starting our family." He whispered happier than ever to know he was going to have a baby soon and he promised that he would start taking it easy at work and spending more time with you instead of stressing out to the point he was at last night.

Namjoon:

You'd noticed Namjoon had been a little more stressed out than usual but you assumed it was because it was comeback season and he was trying to make sure that everything was perfect and that he and the boys were ready.

"Jimin I don't even know if I should tell him yet." You said over the phone to Jimin, you were sat in the wardrobe of your shared house with Namjoon talking to your best friend on the phone about the pregnancy. The only reason you hadn't told Namjoon yet was that he'd been so busy you hadn't even seen him for longer than half an hour and that half an hour was spent talking about how his day had been going.

"He's busy with comeback season, I should wait." Jimin sighed from the other side of the phone, he was in the dorms with the rest of the boys. He'd phoned to tell you that Namjoon was on his way back so you would have time to hide the ever-growing collection of baby clothes you'd been buying on the sly and he'd questioned you about why you hadn't even told Namjoon yet.

"He's not too busy to know his wife is pregnant," Jimin grumbled and you sighed looking into the box of baby items, it would be nice not to hold it all back from him.

"The front door." You mumbled hearing Namjoon coming into the house, you stared into the box and then at the phone in your hand.

"Tell him tonight," Jimin said before hanging up and leaving you in silence. The floorboards on the landing creaked and Namjoon came into the bedroom falling down onto the bed and he rolled over so that he was looking at you sitting in the wardrobe. As soon as his eyes registered what you were doing he rolled his eyes at you,

"We're not ready for a fucking baby Y/n, You keep buying all of these baby clothes like it's going to happen sometime soon and it's not. We're not ready. I'm hardly ever here and when I am I'm back and forth to the studio all the damn time." You tried to interrupt his rant but he continued to go on and on about it,

"Not to mention you being pregnant would only make you extra needy and you'd get so clingy!" You stared down at the baby jacket you were holding and then wiped the tears away from your face.

"You're right." You mumbled trying not to let on that you were really hurt by his words,

"Good. We're not ready for a baby. I don't even know what I'd do if you were right pregnant right now, neither of us has time for one." He rolled onto his front continuing to talk into a pillow so you silently walked out of the room and went into the spare bedroom, closing and locking the door behind you so that he couldn't come into the room.

(X)

Later that night Namjoon woke up from his nap and groaned that his back was hurting, he looked around the room to see you weren't there so he went downstairs to hunt for you but again, you weren't there.

"Jagiya?" He called out but there was no answer, he went back into the bedroom and noticed that the wardrobe door was still open and the light was left on so he went inside to check it out.

"For fucks sake," He grumbled at how messy you were and how annoyed he was that you'd left everything out when he found a pregnancy progress book. He flicked through it and found an ultrasound,

'Mini Namjoon or mini Y/n?' was written around the sides and on the back was a small note on it talking about how Namjoon was busy so you'd gone with Jimin for the scan.

"Shit." He whispered getting up from the floor and going on a hunt for you again,

"Jagiya! Open the door!" He screamed banging on the spare bedroom door, you woke up staring over at it tempted to get up but then you remembered everything he had been saying to you earlier in the night so you stayed on the bed not wanting to move.

"Leave us alone Namjoon." You called out only confirming what Namjoon knew so he continued banging on the door telling you he wasn't going to stop until you opened up and let him in.

"Jesus Namjoon. You'll wake the whole street up-" He dropped to his knees in front of you and lifted up the baggy shirt you were wearing,

"What are you doing?" You questioned but he shook his head playing his ear against you as if he could somehow hear the baby if he was silent enough.

"You don't have time for us, remember?" He groaned as you walked away from him he knew how well you could hold a grudge but he was determined to make you okay with him again.

"I didn't mean it, I've just been stressed...You know I've always wanted to be a dad y/n." You looked down at the bed and sat down on it resting your hands on the small bump and sighing.

"I didn't tell you because I was scared, you'd been so busy lately-" He walked over to you and kissed your lips softly,

"I'm sorry I've been so busy baby, it's just this time of year and I-" He stopped talking when he saw you nodding along to what he was saying, you knew what comeback season was like. You'd been with him long enough to know how life got when he was comeback season.

"I promise to make more time for you and our little mini Namjoon or mini you." He sat down beside you on the bed and you laid your head on his shoulder talking about all the things you'd been reading and then begging to show him the baby clothes you'd been buying over the last couple of months.

Jimin:

The plan was to just come right out and tell him everything, you'd been trying for a baby for a long time together and it was finally happening you assumed he would be happy about it all. You had noticed that he was a lot busier with work and he was stressed about something that was happening but you assumed that once you told him about the pregnancy he would be less stressed out and happy about it. You'd made dinner for you both that night and laid the table with little tea lights, the dinner was everything that you could find that was baby related, baby carrots, baby peas, and just anything that had the word baby in it hoping to somehow drop the hint that you were pregnant but the door slammed shut and you stared at him.

"What?!" He snapped and you ignored it knowing he was probably just annoyed with someone at work,

"I made food," He sighed coming into the kitchen and sitting down with you, you ate in silence and he hadn't noticed anything so you knew you were just going to have to come out and tell him about it all.

"Did you notice anything odd about dinner?" You tried to ease into it but he just shook his head and scrolled through his phone as though he wasn't even bothered about being at home with you,

"It was all baby-related items." You laughed softly but he wasn't paying attention to you so you sat in front of him and tried to come out and tell him but you were stuttering over the words and your hands were starting to shake.

"Just say it y/n, whatever kind of crappy joke you have just tell me. I'm really not in the mood for it though." You stayed silent and he urged you to continue,

"It's..it's not er, it's not a joke I am- I'm-" He groaned pushing himself out from under the table and left the room shouting about how annoying he found it when you stuttered,

"So fucking annoying!" He yelled but you rushed up after him knowing you had to tell him now or never but he just shook his head at you.

"Can I just have five minutes when you're not clinging onto me, for fucks sake Y/n!" You moved away from him and he shut the bathroom door turning on the water. You slowly walked into the bedroom and took out a pen and paper, writing down what it was that you were trying to tell him. You left the note on his pillow before going down the stairs to leave the house, you didn't want to be there when he found out that you were pregnant you didn't know what his reaction was going to be so you thought it would be best to leave for now.

(X)

Jimin found the note and panicked instantly, he'd tried calling you but you weren't answering your phone. He'd rang your family to see if you'd gone to them but they said they hadn't spoken to you that day and he was freaking out running out of the house to try and find out where you would be hiding.

"Is y/n here?!" You heard Jimin at the front door of the dorms and Taehyung hummed in response, you'd gotten there an hour ago and decided to hide out there until you could figure out what to do. None of the boys knew you were pregnant but you'd wished you'd told them so you would have someone to talk to about all of it. That way you wouldn't have felt so overwhelmed about everything when you didn't know how to tell Jimin, Taehyung had made you a coffee and you were going to tell him everything until Jimin found you there.

"What happened?!" You heard Taehyung ask but Jimin ignored him going into the living room to see you sitting there with a cup of coffee in your hand,

"It's not good for the baby." He said taking the cup and putting it down on the coffee table beside him, you stared at him a little surprised that he was standing in front of you and telling you what was good and not good for the baby you were carrying. He'd obviously seen the note in that case.

"Baby?!" Taehyung yelled but both you and Jimin ignored him as Jimin tried to get you to look at him and talk to him.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you and called you the things I did but I didn't mean it. You know that." You ignored him not believing he didn't mean at least one or two things he'd said.

"I've just been so stressed out with work I didn't know what to do and I didn't mean to yell at you." You looked at him and you could tell he was being sincere and you smiled softly at him as he looked at your stomach,

"So you're really?" You nodded and screamed loudly jumping up from the floor and looking around the dorms, yelling about how he was going to be a dad.

"WE'RE GOING TO BE PARENTS!" He screamed to Taehyung who had walked over to congratulate you both making you giggle as Jimin continued screaming about being a dad to anyone who could hear him which from the sound of his voice was probably the entire street of people.

Taehyung:

You'd flown out to the tour destination the boys were currently at, it was yours and Yoongi's grand plan to reveal to Taehyung about your pregnancy and give him the great news. The only reason that Yoongi knew was that before the tour had started he found a pregnancy test in his bin at his place and questioned you about it. You'd tried to play it cool telling him it was a fake but it didn't work and you ended up telling him you were expecting and that you didn't know how or when to even tell Taehyung. The only reason you were flying out was that you were starting to show and it was going to be hard to hide it from the paparazzi that were always lurking outside your house that you shared with Taehyung.

"Where is he?" You questioned Yoongi when you got to the room he was sharing with Taehyung,

"Shower." You looked at Yoongi who honestly seemed a little more excited about this whole thing than you did but you loved that he was happy about this.

"I'll go downstairs and wait. Let me know how it goes." You laughed and watched as he walked out of the room. Taehyung had no idea you were flying out to see him so when he opened the door you expected him to be shocked but he looked disappointed that you were there.

"What are you doing here?" You assumed he was just tired from the tour but he seemed really annoyed that you were there and as though he didn't want to see you.

"I have news I needed to tell you." You placed your hand over the small bump but he wasn't looking,

"What is it?" You began trying to talk to him but you started rambling on it was something you did whenever you were really nervous about something.

"Shut up! I can't stand when you ramble on like that it's so fucking annoying. God! Just when I thought this tour would be a break from you you come up and ruin it by being clingy." Your heart broke as he spoke to you like that, he'd never spoken to you like that before and you were shocked.

"I erm...I-"

"Don't start crying or stuttering it only adds to how annoying you are." He went back into the bathroom so you made a run for it, leaving everything in the hotel room and going to find Yoongi who happened to just be getting into the lift so you sprinted to catch up with him and stood with him trying not to cry in front of the other people with you.

"What happened?! That was too quick for him to have-" He saw that you had tears in your eyes and he felt his blood boil at the mere thought that Taehyung had been mean to you. At the next floor, he got off and took you with him going towards the stairs and taking you back to his shared room.

(X)

"What?!" Taehyung snapped at you both when he opened the door and he was shocked to see Yoongi pushing you into the room and sitting you on the sofa. You stayed silent and stared down at the floor not in the sharing kind of mood anymore now that your boyfriend and the father of your baby had yelled at you.

"You will listen to what she has to say to you," Yoongi ordered and Taehyung sat down on the opposite sofa to you in the room,

"Tell him." Yoongi folded his arms over his chest watching you both closely, he knew that Taehyung had been stressed lately but there was no reason he should have taken it out on you since you'd done nothing but support him over the years of your relationship.

"She's fucking pregnant." Yoongi finally said for you when he noticed you weren't going to say anything, Taehyung's facial expression changed from the cold one to a soft one and he stared at you as if silently questioning if it was true and when you nodded he rushed over to your side staring at you.

"Why did- How did you- Why does Yoongi know?" You stared at Yoongi who was still staring at the back of Taehyung's head waiting for him to say sorry for what he had said to you but you told him it was fine.

"Yoongi knows because he found the test back home." You admitted and Taehyung sighed bringing you into his arms and never wanting to let you out of them again.

"I'm sorry I snapped...I didn't mean it, I just- I've been so stressed out with everything I just-" You understood why he said what he said but it didn't make it hurt any less and he was never going to stop saying sorry for what he had said.

"When do you go back?" You shrugged your shoulders, it was all depending on when he wanted you to leave. You'd packed enough for the last month of their tour so you were set if he wanted you to stay which of course he did. Now he knew that you were carrying his child he never wanted you to leave his sight. He wanted to make sure you were okay and that he would be able to look after you.

"I can leave if you want me to?" He shook his head holding your hand tightly and telling you he didn't want you to go, he wanted you to stay with him as long as you could.

Jungkook:

When you found of you were pregnant the first person you should have gone to with the news was the father, Jungkook, but instead, you went to his leader Namjoon. Namjoon was the leader of the boys and was somehow the most mature out of them all so he would know what to do in this kind of situation and he was over the moon for you. Giving you advice on how to tell Jungkook and how to deal with management when the time eventually came for you to talk to them about it.

"Are you going to tell him tonight?" Namjoon questioned as he poured you a cup of tea, you were sitting in his studio talking for the sixth time that week and Jungkook heard you. He stopped outside the door wanting to know why you were hanging around Namjoon so much lately.

"I'm planning on telling him Namjoon, it's just hard...I don't know how he's going to take it." You whispered setting the box on that you had on the table. Inside was a keychain that when it was lit up had the words 'I'm pregnant' flash across it.

"He'll be okay y/n." All Jungkook saw was Namjoon's hand reach across the table and take yours, he threw the door open and started yelling about how no one could be trusted with anything.

"So you're just sleeping with him!? Who else have you been sleeping with?! God! I don't give you attention for a little while and you go running to the next bed is that it?!" He yelled going on and on about how clingy you were before you picked up the box from the table, you weren't scared of Jungkook you were just upset by his words and how he so easily accused you of cheating on him with one of his best friends. You slammed the box against his chest and Namjoon watched you leaving the room in silence.

"You're a fucking idiot." Namjoon scoffed staring at Jungkook as he opened the box and found the keychain inside. He clicked the button and his mouth fell open as he realised what he had just said and done.

"Y/n!" He cried out trying to catch up to you down the hall but you took off in a sprint and hid in the women's toilets.

(X)

Yuju stared at Jungkook who was sitting on the floor outside the women's bathrooms and he told her that you'd locked yourself inside and he couldn't get in.

"Y/n?" She called out telling you how desperate she was for the bathroom so you would come out, once out Jungkook followed you out towards the small garden in the BigHit building. It was secluded from the outside world but it was still some fresh air that you had been needing.

"I would never, ever cheat on you Jungkook I thought you knew that." You whispered looking at him and he saw that you had been crying since you left the studio, he reached out to hold you but you stepped away from him not wanting to go near him if he was going to accuse you of that again.

"I didn't mean it, I've just been under stress-"

"You don't think I know that I've been trying to give you space which is why I went to Namjoon, so I would know when would be the best time to tell you." He looked down at the keychain he was holding and he sighed looking at the flashing words. This was supposed to be one of the happiest days of your lives and yet here you were crying to one another because he'd been nasty to you about it all.

"I was an idiot, a jealous idiot and I'm sorry-"

"Do you really not trust me?" You questioned looking at him, you were serious about this. You couldn't be with someone if they weren't going to trust you and Jungkook grabbed your hands in his.

"I trust you more than anything...I was just stressed and I didn't anything I said." You stared into his eyes trying to find any sign that he was telling the truth and he was.

"You should have just come to me right away." He whispered as he stared at the keychain again never wanting the battery to die but always wanting the words to be on display for him to see.

"Namjoon said the same thing but I knew he would know what to do with management, I didn't know who to talk to about it all." You admitted staring at the flashing words with him and smiling as he smiled brightly.

"We're really going to be parents?" He questioned and you nodded at him taking the keychain and holding it closer to his eyes.

"I have a scan in two weeks...Will you come with me?" He nodded and kissed the tip of your nose, promising you that you wouldn't have to go through any of this alone and that he would be there every step of the way to hold your hand.

Tagline:

@writingdreamsnottragedies @yoongisdumplingcheeks @snowy-meowl @lynnthevirgo @jooniesdarlingdimples @chimchims-stories-and-tales @lyoongx @mitzwinchester @callingmyangel @fan-ati--c @rjsmochii @btsiguess-kpop

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axoxtxhxh · 4 years ago

Text

Irish Cream Oat Milk Latte

Barista!Miche x Fem!Reader

Summary: Miche is a Barista at a drive-thru coffee shop. He’s had his eye on one of his regulars for quite some time. When will he get the courage to ask her out?

Content: Pure fluff

Word Count: ~2,800

A/N: I don’t write many oneshots, but I’ve been trying to get more into it because I know how easy they are to read. Please enjoy this Miche story :) also, thank you @luanabonn for always beta reading for me!

Every morning was the same. Miche would come to work at five o’clock in the morning to open up the drive-thru coffee shop and prepare for the morning rush. The shop didn’t open until five-thirty, but when the cars did start coming, the line backed up fast. Some of the patrons were grumpy, having to be up early to get to work and fight the morning traffic only to sit at their desks all day. Others were the early birds, the morning dwellers that thrived on waking up early, either just finishing their morning workout or about to get it started, they were the ones with a more cheerful smile than Miche and his coworkers.

They had their regulars, too. Most of the regulars were people that hated waiting in the morning rush and would get their coffee just after it ended. Miche preferred the regulars to any of the other customers. The regulars were the ones that talked to him about things other than traffic, the weather, and whatever holiday was approaching. They knew about Miche’s struggle moving from his apartment. They knew about his weekend plans of helping his parents replace the tile in their bathroom. And he knew about their families, their daughter about to start middle school and even celebrated with them when they landed that new job. He loved his regulars.

There was one regular that he appreciated a bit more than the others. She came nearly every day at eight o’clock in the morning, even weekends. She had been coming to get coffee from him for nearly a year now and since day one, Miche was smitten.

Each time she drove up, he found his heart beating quicker and he couldn’t help the smile that grew on his face. The first thing he noticed about her was her smile. She had the brightest, widest, most sincere smile he had ever seen. It made him laugh sometimes because she was one of those people that did that thing where they cover their mouth when they laugh and he couldn’t understand why she would cover her smile when it was so contagious.

He was lucky enough one day to see her laughing so hard her eyes started watering. It was at the expense of himself, but that was still a win in his book. She pulled up to the drive-up, always the same window, always his window.

“Good morning! Getting the usual—hic!” His eyes went wide and a second large hiccup made its way out of his mouth.

“Oh, hiccups!” She raised her eyebrows and smiled at him.

“Sorr—hic!” Miche put his hand on his chest to try and get the hiccups under control, but they only got worse.

“You just need to regulate your breathing.” She instructed, already starting to laugh at him. “Try taking deep breaths.”

Miche watched her take deep breaths, watched her hand on her chest, watched her smile slowly growing and he was smiling too.

“It looks like you’re dancing.” She laughed. Miche looked down at himself and laughed with her, pretending to dance before quickly knocking over a stack of cups.

“Fuck—hic! I’m sorr—hic! I didn’t me—hic! Curs—hic! Damn it.” He dropped his head and rested his elbows on the counter, holding his face in his hands. That’s when he heard her roaring with laughter and he looked up, his cheeks stained pink out of embarrassment, but deepening in color from how cute she looked.

She was laughing uncontrollably, tears filling the corners of her eyes and he was smiling at her, admiring how great of a laugh she had. She waved her hand in front of her face trying her best to apologize for laughing at him. It took her a minute to calm herself down, but when she did, she took a deep breath and looked at him.

“Thank you for the laugh. I thought today was going to be a bad day.”

“My pleasure.” He nodded and he was hooked.

If it wasn’t because of her smile or her laugh, it was because she was always asking him how he was doing and remembering the answers for her next visit. Miche found himself waiting for her every day at eight o’clock, excited to see her and talk to her for the brief amount of time they had.

He planned to try and ask her out after the first few times she came, trying to keep it professional, maybe asking her if she needed help with putting together her new bicycle she bought. Miche was a cyclist and they bonded a lot over that, once having a ten-minute conversation about cycling, much to the annoyance of the customers that were behind her in line.

When he finally worked up the courage to ask her, there was a man in her car with her that trip. She had never directly said that this person was her boyfriend, but Miche knew. He could tell. After that first time, the man was with her nearly every time after that. Any time she was alone, Miche would ask “Anything for him?” to be sure that she was actually still dating. She always got an extra drink for him.

After months of them dating, she started getting coffee at more random times, not always pulling up to Miche’s window, but his feelings for her only grew. Each time something making him wish even more that she was pulling up to his window and chatting with him. He was worried that maybe it was something he did. Maybe he messed up. Maybe he made a comment without realizing it and made her feel uncomfortable.

She was still nice to him when she got coffee, even waving to him when she was at someone else’s window, but it wasn’t the same to him. Once when she pulled up to Levi’s window, Miche immediately recognized the voice chatting with him. Levi passed the order to Miche, knowing he would want to help her. Everyone knew. But Miche quietly listened to Levi talk to her about her weekend. She had recently started using Invisalign and Miche could hear the lisp in the way she spoke and his heart was swelling at the adorable sound. He sighed as he prepared the second cup of coffee for him.

Another time when Hange was working with him, he could hear her voice from his seat in the back. Hange was talking with her about how early they have to wake up in the morning in order to make it to work. Miche peered around the corner and noticed her wearing a spring dress, yellow and pink flowers covered the front, a low V neckline showing just enough cleavage to make him happy their coffee hut was higher than her car. He smiled at her and she smiled back quickly, waving before her attention was back on Hange.

Miche held his smile, admiring how pretty she looked in those colors and the sunlight dancing across her skin. He inched closer to them, starting her coffee as he listened to them chat. He could see her hand rubbing her thigh and watched as it inched the dress up, bit by bit. He swallowed hard and looked away, continuing the coffee. Miche was a thigh man to the core. He quickly glanced back again. Just one more look. How he would love to lay his head in her lap, nuzzle his nose against her stomach. And if she’d let him, he would bury himself in—

“It’s just the one coffee today.” Hange told him, breaking him from his thoughts. He stood there holding the shot of espresso and Hange quickly grabbed her coffee, handing it to her and saying bye. Miche quickly turned, barely enough time to wave, but he did and she waved back. Only one coffee.

Y/N had no idea at what point she had fallen for her barista. She had been going to the same coffee shop drive-thru for nearly a year always seeing the same baristas. She loved that she knew them all by name and they knew her. They knew her order and it honestly made her day getting to see them. It was a big part of the reason she never bothered getting a coffee machine. The other big part was Miche.

From the moment she saw him, she was attracted to him. Who wouldn’t be? He was tall, sun-kissed skin, silky blonde hair with a great smile. She would catch herself daydreaming at his arms flexing and twisting as he made her coffee. His voice was raspy, warm, and low, flowing like honey to her ears.

She loved that he was always noticing when something was different about her. Either a haircut, a new shirt anything like that. She couldn’t believe that someone could actually be that attentive. It didn’t even stop there. He always remembered what they spoke about the previous time. Remembering that she was learning to cycle and asking about her new bike.

This was why she couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment she started seeing him differently. She had an idea that her boyfriend did. Always asking to go with her to get a coffee, she was no longer able to have conversations with Miche like she used to. Each time she would laugh and joke, he boyfriend would start a fight out of jealousy. He didn’t have any reason to be jealous. There was no way Miche was interested in her. They were barely even friends. Just two people with similar interests.

She finally started getting coffee at different times in order to avoid having to bring her boyfriend all together. Most of those times, Miche either wasn’t working or he was at a different window. He was different then. He barely spoke to her and she thought maybe she had done something to upset him. Maybe he didn’t appreciate her flirting when she was in a relationship. Maybe he was in his own relationship.

When her boyfriend and her had finally had enough and decided to call it quits. She knew the first place she wanted to go. She didn’t care that Miche might not be interested or that he could have a girlfriend, she just wanted that little bit of happiness she always used to get from him.

As she pulled up to his window, she was disappointed to see that Miche wasn’t there. In one of the first times she’s ever come to get coffee, he wasn’t working. It was much later than she normally came here, so it was possible that his shift was over. She was even more surprised to find that the owner was the person taking her order.

“Hi, Erwin! I barely see you in here at all anymore.” She smiled already feeling better being there. “I was expecting to see Miche.”

“Sorry to disappoint.” He laughed. Everyone that worked there was beautiful. “He’s out sick today so I’m filling in.”

“Aww that’s too bad. I hope he’s okay.” She was genuinely concerned, but may have gone overboard in trying to mask her disappointment in not seeing Miche.

“He’s a big boy. I’m sure he will be fine soon.” He leaned over the counter to get closer. “What are you getting? The usual?”

She nodded, getting her card ready and handing it to him.

“Anything for him?” He asked.

“Nope.”

She pushed the card out further to him, but he ignored it, getting started on the coffee. The sounds of the coffee being made held her in her thoughts, lost as she looked at the steering wheel.

“We broke up.” She said, to herself, but also to Erwin.

“What’s that?” He leaned over to her.

“We… we broke up.” She looked at him and smiled. “My boyfriend and I. We broke up.”

“Oh.” He continued stirring her coffee, not sure what to say. “I’m sorry to hear that.”

“Oh gosh, I’m sorry. I don’t know why I said that.” She laughed, completely uncomfortable with how awkward she made everything. “I’m just rambling. I’m sorry.”

“No need to apologize.” He smiled. Pouring the coffee into the paper cup, he popped on the lid and handed it to her. “Here you go.”

“Thank you.” She took the cup and handed him her card again, but he put his hand up.

“It’s on the house this time. A small pick-me-up.” He smiled. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“If you’re working, I will be here.” She laughed and drove off.

The next day, she couldn’t bring herself to visit the café early in the morning. She had let herself stay up all night being miserable that she spent most of the day in bed. By the time four o’clock rolled around, she was feeling guilty that she’d told Erwin she would stop by and she quickly got herself ready to go. The café closes at five o’clock so she didn’t have much time left by the time she got dressed.

She pulled up to the window and Miche walked up to the counter, leaning over to her and smiling. He definitely didn’t look that sick so it must have been a quick cold.

“You look healthy.” She smiled.

“It was a quick bug. Are you getting the usual?” He brushed through his hair and she felt a shiver run through her. She nodded her head slowly as she watched him stand up straight, his muscles flexing as he pushed off the counter.

He looked different today. Almost like he was back to his old self. She watched him move quickly in front of the espresso machine, mixing her drink. He turned to look at her.

“Anything for him?” He called. She had no idea why that question coming from Miche made her smile, but it did. She was grinning widely back to him.

“Nope.” She shook her head and he was beaming back before turning back to her coffee.

She noticed Erwin walk over from the back and she waved. He moved over to Miche and they were whispering, Erwin nudging Miche with his elbow. Miche finally left her coffee stuff and moved back to her at the window.

“Hey, Y/N. Would you want to go cycling this weekend? With me.” He asked her leaning back over the counter. Her mouth opened, closing again quickly. She wanted to say yes, she would say yes, but her brain was short-circuiting and all she could do was smile at him awkwardly. “Sorry, maybe that came out as creepy. I’m sorry. I just—we both like cycling and you seem—”

“It’s okay. No—Yes! I would like that.” She smiled, her face burning with heat.

“Great.” He was smiling back at her. “Maybe we could meet here? Like eight?”

“That works.” She was so excited she couldn’t even contain it. She wanted to jump out of the car and yell into the sky. “I’ll see you then.”

She waved and drove forward, barely making it twenty feet before she realized she never got her coffee. How embarrassing. She looped back around, pulling up to the window. Miche was leaning over the counter, a bright smile on his face, his cheeks pink.

“I forgot my coffee.”

“I see that.” He handed her the cup and laughed. He couldn’t handle how adorable she was, his face was flushing as he smiled at her.

She waved again and drove off, this time with her coffee. She made it to the same point as before and stopped the car. Maybe she should be bolder. She didn’t have much to lose. Why not be really bold and just ask Miche to dinner. It doesn’t have to be some grand thing, but she could make herself known. She looped back around and pulled up to the window. Miche leaned forward again, smiling at her.

“Forget something else?”

“Would you want to have dinner with me? After we cycle.” She quickly looked down, worrying that maybe she was too forward. Miche leaned even further forward.

“I would like that a lot.” They both smiled, Miche’s blush deepening, but that glint in his eyes had her melting into her seat. She waved and pulled off again.

Again, she stopped at the same spot. What if he thinks they are eating dinner as friends? She never said it would be a date. She needed him to know it would be a date. That was important enough to turn around, right? She looped back around again, pulling up to the same window. Miche was waiting for her again, but she didn’t even give him enough time to say anything.

“I made that clear that it was a date, right?” She felt so stupid.

“Yes.”

They were both smiling. Miche was blushing, his chin resting on his hand as he looked at her. He was completely hooked, so totally head-over-heels for this lovely woman.

“Y/N?” He bit his bottom lip.

“Yeah?” She definitely noticed it.

“I get off in like ten minutes, do you want to have dinner tonight?”

“Yeah, I’d like that a lot.”

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