#this book has broken me sksks

[dreamy-loser]

𝒾𝓃𝒹𝒾𝑔𝑜 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝒶𝓏𝓊𝓇𝑒 / 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓁𝒶𝓈𝓉 𝓉𝒶𝓁𝑒 𝑜𝒻 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒻𝓁𝑜𝓌𝑒𝓇 𝒷𝓇𝒾𝒹𝑒

[hausofmamadas]

so like i've joked about it before sksks but this reblog.... i coould be wrong now, but i'm fairly fucking certain this is the first reblog that is actually as long as the fic

It gives you different markers now, different structures to shape the friendship around.

Okay I am already loving the establishment of the history, the length of the relationship and then how that’s changed as they’ve grown older cause really it would be so hard to stay friends with someone who has maybe a bit of a Peter Pan complex only with more coke involved sjsjsjsjsjsj

Simple. There you were, there he was. Now, you have to pencil him in like any other obligation.

I cant remember exactly what you said but you actually complimented me on something like this at one point?? And you called it something academic and literary and fancy that I can’t remember rn bc I know nothing of nothing and you have a whole ass master’s degree in the thing but like the simplicity of the language and sentence structure here makes this so much more powerful. Like I’m always trying to condense what I write bc I feel like I’m way too wordy and there are times where it really just s l a p s so much fucking harder to state something plainly

He isn’t an obligation. You try not to let him feel like one.

OHHHHHHHHH MY THIS IS JUST 🥺🥺🥺 BUT THEN ALSO THE CONTRADICTIINS OF LIKE THEY JUST SAID HES BECOME LIKE ANY OTHER OBLIGATION EVEN THO THEY DONT WANT HIM TO BE OR DONT WANT TO THINK OF HIM THAT WAY AT LEAST LIKE UUGH MY HEART ALREADY

‘Finally,’ is how he greets you, when you see him at last.

STORITTOTPPPPPPPPO MY TINY GRINCH HEART CANNOT CAAAANNOT TAKE IT, JUST HOW RAFA THIS REALLY FUCKING IS. LIKE I CAN HEAR IT SO PERFECTLY “por fin” im crying

He doesn’t comment on the mess, the mismatched furniture, the dishes, the piles of books and paints across the dining table.

SKSKSKSKSKSKSKSKSJS the prospect of Rafa like crashing at your place for a visit and criticizing the furniture is so funny to me bc he wouldn’t bc literallt sksksks the man does not have a single leg to stand on when it comes to decor KEKW

‘Dios mio,’ you laugh, ‘you actually did it, Rafi.’

OKAY ON MY LIIIIIIIIIFE, RAFI???? RAFI. MY MIND IS BROKEN. ITS THE SWEETEST NICKNAME. IDK HOW NO ONE EVER CALLED HIM THAT ON THE SHOW. I LOVE IT IDK WHY BUT I LOVE IT SO MUCH

‘I thought you’d smoke too many of the samples and forget what you were doing, tonto.’

SCREAMINSSKKS bc this is 100% what I’d personally expect him to do too although he was a lot more disciplined in the beginning with that sort of shit but you know he was baked out of his gourd on the regular stillskskss

He’s explained the idea enough times already, but it never sticks, it doesn’t connect in you, the way it does for him. It’s in one ear, out the other. He’s always been for it, science, statistics, experiments and the answers beneath…

Just copy/pasting this entire ass paragraph who among us thinks this’ll be the last I do that in this post? No one? Good you know me well sksks but I feel like this is so fucking accurate and also something that’s so easy to forget in light of how he turns out by the end of the show. Like he’s kind of a fucking botanical whiz?? Even Neto was like, “tf? This kid’s a genius?” in the pilot ep. Like bc he succumbs to addiction, it’s easy to forget what an actual big deal it was, creating a new fucking cash crop essentially, so I love the focus on that from the get, es como que… a veces, él está siendo estupido pero no es estupido, si me sientes

His free hand goes into his jean pocket, retrieving the tin that’s never far from his person. It’s made of a rusty, scratched copper, held together with a loose elastic band.

Okay but whyyyyyttttttt does the idea of Rafa carrying a little fucking tin of bud around at all times the most correct thing in my actual life

You hum, acknowledging without really listening, and flip open his tin.

KSSKSKSKKS NO CRYYYYING BC TBIS IS EXACTLY HOW I WOULD RESPOND just like “este wey🙄can I just try the shits instead of you reciting a whole Wikipedia (encyclopedia?) page about the thing”

Rafa laughs, pinching the sound short by biting into his lip. Then he shrugs. ‘What? I had to. I still brought you some, didn’t I?’

KAKSKSKS I HAD TO, OH REALLYRAFA, WAS IT A MORAL IMPERATIVE THAT YKU GET BAKED OUT OF YOUR GOURD ON YOUR OWN NEW SUPERSTRAIN OF WEEDJSKSKSJ ESO ES LO QUE TE DIJERON LOS DIOSES DE MOTA??

A purpose, he must think, direction at last. ‘My job,’ he says proudly, ‘is to make sure the product is good.’

suuuuuuure yes, sure go ahead and lob this brick at my fucking chest with “a purpose … a direction at last” bc I swear this man does not do well with idle hands, like part of the reason for his breakdown is the fact that he’s literally given nothing else to fucking do. And this is where I’m like, sure Miguel is smart for putting the whole thing together but being top dog means you gotta be at least a leeeeeeeeeetle bit of a ppl person. Like if he’d made Rafa feel like he had some kind of purpose way earlier when he started makin moves with the Colombians, shit prolllllyyy wouldn’t have gone quite as sideways but also tf do I know about running a cartel actually

You smile, infected by him, by the excitement glowing off of him.

STRRRRRTTTIOOOOPPP NO BC a) I KNOW THE EXACT FUCKING SMILE… it’s this smile

and b) I feel like this is a quality universally acknowledged in almost every rafa fic I’ve ever read that his smile is literally like the most blinding shot of earnestness and joy, you literally cannot say no to whatever pendejadas he’s proposing. even María on her worst day couldn’t resist it sksksksks

Scared to admit the dream aloud. ‘Si, es solo el comienzo, sabes?’

NO OKAYSSKSSKSN I AM BANGING A GAVEL AND CALLONG EVERYONE ALL 2 OF US BC IMJUSTSOSORRY I have given this so much thought, like the essence, the thesis for Rafa is that this mf is at his core, a d r e a m e r like embedded in his identity. So like having something to aspire to, beyond the like cock solid ngl this was supposed to say rock solid but i had to let the greatest typo of all time ride sksks freebase hit of power that Miguel’s constantly simping after, is a fucking necessity for this man. He doesn’t know who he is if he doesn’t have some kind of dream so I love that you included that here

You put the joint between your lips and hold out a hand. ‘Pues,’ you prompt, ‘give me a light. Let me see the future.’

OHSSHUUUUUUTTHEFUCKINGFRONTDOOR WITH THIS SLICK ASF DIALOGUE, OH IM MAD, IM MAD MAD MAD, IM SHOOTING SPITBALLS AT YOU FROM A STRAW RN, BC THAT LINE IS SOOOSKSKSJWJWB SM LRKENE GOTDAMN INSPIRED AND I HATE YOU FOR IT (cariñoso por supuesto)

Says something else about soil, earth, plants and lying scientists, fucking lying scientists. You blink against the dark, push the heel of your free palm into your eye sockets.

Sksssscreeching at “fuckint lying scientists” bc ppl legit don’t understand that the scientific method is a way of testing hypotheses that we DONT KNOW ARE CORRECT YET LIKE FFS YOURE TRTING TO SEE IF IT’S RIGHT OR WRONG so the minute a scientist gives any kind of answer tangentially resembling “I don’t know,” people start flipping tables over and screaminfksksks and Rafa is one of those ppl despite his raw intelligence. BUT THEN SKSKSKSKS THE WHOLE HEEL OF YOUR PALM INTO YOUR EYE SOCKETSSSJSJS I’m both marveling at the simple yet so-vivid description of this action bc i can see it SOO clearly and also choking bc anyone who’s ever dealt with a Big Sad Rafa, you know for a fucking fact they’ve done this exact thing at least once literally fuckinsksksks Miguel, as much as I hate him and much of this is largely of his own making, he has rightfully done this exact thing like 20 times in the show like if I had the time, I’d straight make a gif of the exact scene I’m thinking of sksk

He isn’t there to look at, but you pretend that he is. Imagine him sitting at the end of your bed, head in his hands, tears streaking down his cheeks. If he was, you’d reach a hand out. Run it along the ridge of his spine and watch him decompress. It’s easier to know what to say to him when you have him there, like that. Even just in your head.

Alright sksksksjjs here tf we go with the first full-ass paragraph but I literally????? do not even know what to do?? or who I am??? or where to begin?? bc likeGODDDDD okay, the sentiment of this entire paragraph is just so??? it just smacks of like Reader trying to protect themselves from their own mind by like leaning into this hypothetical scenario wherein Rafa is not full fuckint mess that they know he damn well is but THEN as if that wasn’t enough, you had to throw in this interesting dynamic where like they have to relate to Real Rafa by retreating into this part of their brain that they keep Ideal Rafa like all the best parts of him concentrated in one spot so they don’t forget the more he loses himself AND UFH SISKSKSKD ITS JUET SO FUCKING SENSIBLE AND SAD AND IM SHAKING MY FIST INTO THE SKY FULLY GET-OFF-MY-LAWN-YOU-VARMINTS, BOOMER GRANDPA

You hear a thunk in you ear like he’s struck the handset against the nearest wall. He has, no doubt, but it holds. The call stays connected and buzzing in your palm.

Soryajsjsjsjsj bc all im thinking about is that one part where he chucks that gold phone from the second floor and it shatters into a million pieces and liksksksksks I bet they had to have like some kind of warehouse of spare phones, aksksks maybe it’s at the Arellano warehouse or like some contingency built in the budget for spare phones bc Rafa’s decimated so many of themsksksks i imagine it’s a contingency budget similar to like movie sets have for props like sunglasses n shit

The Rafa on the end of your bed is pacing now, stood up and tracing lines into your floorboards. Moving helps him think, it always has, the motion forces the idea to catch and roar into life, like starting an engine.

OHHHHHHH I WWSSKSKSKS AWEAR TO FUCKING CHRIST HERSELFFDDFDDDD I COULD ACTUALLY STRANGLE YOU WITH LOVE I FULLY FUCKINT DONT EVNA GOD.

I literally had to get up and walk around for a second so I could fucking regain my composure and figure out how tf to say how this made me feel. Like the mental image of him tracing lines in the floorboard, mulling it over but that it’s like a fuckimxksjsjwjwjwnw visual exercise for Reader to figure out what to say, how to help him. Like there’s a deep thread of longing in that but it’s really fucking singular in nature to their dynamic specifically bc there’s an element of codependence mixed with self awareness almost??? Like the fact that they kinda need him to be okay for them to be okay and they’re usually this memory palace visualization sksjsjsjssidoaospwondsjsjnwjq to make him oka— Look. Listen. What I’m saying is just ….. ogres are like onions, okay. LAYERS BABY, LAYERRRRRRSSSSSS

You can hear it connect, weirdly, in the silence that follows. Hear the gears click, the brain turn.

NO STOPPS SKSKS I AM CHOKING BC IM JUST PICTURING HIS EXPRESSION AS FULL :WOAHDEEBY: BUT RAFAFIED and by godddkskdkkss it’s making me laugh so fucking hard to the point of hyperventilation, like that laugh with no sound. No sjsjsjs the more I’m thinking about it the more I cannot stooooospkdk fucking laughing

He takes a breath that stills his lungs properly this time, rather than stuffing them with desperate, needed air, then says your name like you’re a genius. Like you’re him.

LIKE YOURE HIM 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 OH WHY MUST YOY ATTACK ME WITH SOMETHINT SO BEAUTIFUL AND TOUCHING I already need a lung transplant from the laughing at this point, why must we continue to deal this damage to my person

‘Don’t kill yourself, tonto.’ Don’t blow yourself to pieces for the sake of water, for the sake of Miguel and his precious sinsemilla.

HOOOOO HOO HOO GUURRRRRRR the not-so-undercover shade👀👀 and resentment👀👀 towards Miguel that is packed into this Mf has got me so 👀 bc what does Reader know. How does Reader have his number so soon am I latching onto this thing that prob means nothing and reading too much into it…. don’t answer that…… probably

He laughs down the line. ‘I’m dead either way, friend. Better I go with a bang.’

GODDDD WHEN I THINK ABOUT WAHT THIS IS IN SOANISHSSISKEK ITS SO FUCKINT DEAD ON RAFA

Me chingue sea como sea, carnal. Pues mejor salir con una 💥 bang.

Imjustsosoryyyysjsjsjsjd it could come right from a script for one of the episodes

You walk through his home like a guest, not a friend. You merge with the walls the way the staff does.

OH SWEET MOTHER OF ALL THAT IS HOLY THIS FUCKINTGGGGGGG KNOCKED ME ON MY ASS TF

He could find a job for you, he says. You could sit by his pool and earn money like it grows, right there, in the flowerbeds. You could live like he does, if you wanted.No, Rafi, I like what’s mine. I like the quiet.

OH NO, GOOD, SO THENS THENNNNNNNNNNNNNN YOU JUST HAAAAAAAD TO GO AND ASSAULT ME WITH “I like what’s mine. I like the quiet” BC THIS IS THE STICKING POINT RIGHT TF HERE, THIS IS THE REASON THE WHOLE THING IS FUCKING DOOMED and tbh, it’s extra fucked with double-anchovies on top bc the fact of the matter is, the quiet would actually be better for Rafa but what he wants and what’s good for him literallyyyyyyy never fucking overlap. But like this was all I could think about when I was writing him, was like …. man, maybe it’s better to leave some things as just dreams ksksksns at least for our pobre Rafitito

You touch the fabric just to feel it. You’d never owned anything this smooth, this well made.

there’s always the most mundane of moments in every readerfic that make me go “oh maaaaan, me too, homie” sksks this is that moment

There’s white under his nostrils, you haven’t missed that, but you haven’t commented on it, either. At least he smells of smoke as well. At least he’s balancing it out.

NOOOOOOSKSKSKSKSKS NO YOU DID NOT JUST DO THE RATIONALIZATION OF HARDCORE DRUGS WITH AT LEAST MANS IS BALANCING HIS UPPERS AND DOWNERS I AN FUCKING SIDJRJRJDJDJD I AM CHOKING, SEIZING, CANNOT BREATHE, HAVING AN ANEURYSM SKSKSK

He hasn’t even noticed your reaction yet. ‘She didn’t take me seriously,’ he says, ‘last time. She made fun of my clothes.’

The way my heart just grew to thrice his size just remembering our pobrecito trying to dance with Sofia literally shouting over the music, “no soy un pinshe mesero” SKSKSK and then pouting on his way back to the table when she still wouldn’t give him the time of day which let’s be real, Sofia was fully trolling all of us including her fucking self bc mija, imjustsosorry that Rafa was wearing the fucking a dopest shirt I’ve ever seen in that scene, like that one is bar none my favorite of all of his shirts on the show i truly believe Ramon was inspired by Rafa to up his shirt game, no one will fucking convince me otherwise

You let him continue. Your brain is still trying to scramble to the point where any of this makes sense.‘Her father is el Secretario de Educacion.’ He sighs. His hands go to his hips. ‘I want to impress her.’A new project, you realise, that’s what he’s found. Something he can’t have, something impossible. Something to solve.

SKSKSKSKSKKDLFJKSLDKJFA TRYING TO SCRAMBLE TO THE POINT WHERE ANY OF THIS MAKES SENSE IDK WHY SKKSS BUT I AM CRYING SO HARD RNsksksksks bc like for some reason this line specifically made me think of liek Reader’s brain is a Magic 8 Ball and they’re shaking it to get some kind of answer within the realm of clarity only their Magic 8 Brain keeps coming up with those annoying, cryptic, noncommittal answers like “reply hazy, try again” or “concentrate and ask again” akskskskks and the mental image in the context of like what we as viewers know what’s going to happen which is a faked kidnapping attempt of this well-known politician’s daughter and like the logic of that entire fucking shitshow is actually fully sending me in a way I have never been sent before. BUT THENENNNNN SKSKS as if being sent further than I’ve been sent before isn’t enough, I literally skdfsjdkf am so goddamn WOAHDEEBY to the fucking max at “A new project … that’s what he’s found. Something he can’t have, something impossible” bc I have never, ever, ever considered in those exact terms but that does completely fit with my whole hc of Rafa as an interminable dreamer till his last days bc there’s an element of dreams that are unattainable and like he becomes restless when he doesn’t have something too look forward to or reach or whatever and aasbaopsdfhaoisdjhf;a now i’m just fucking babbling like I’ve taken too much of my ADHD medication joke’s on you, I haven’t….this is just what straight ADHD is but like goddddd the thought put into his psyche, I’m just tipping my hat off, that’s what the fuck I’m trying to say

He’s always worn what he liked, always put himself to the world exactly as he is, no apology, no polish. Just him, wild as he came.

NOOOOSDKFJALKSJDF;LAKJSD FK;SHFASJD F;ALKSJ WHY TF AM I ACTUALLLY SALIVATING AT “NO APOLOGY, NO POLISH. JUST HIM, WILD AS HE CAME.” LIKE HWY IS THAT ACCIDENTALLY THE HOTTETST DESCRIPTION OF THIS CHAOTIC MF THAT I’VE EVER, EVER, EVER READ IN ALL OF MY TWENTY EIGHT YEARS ON THIS FUCKING PLANET

‘Is she worth all this?’ You point at them lazily. ‘How much did this cost you, tonto?’ ‘You sound jealous,’ he says, smiling, trying to pass it off as a joke.

in every fucking friends to lovers situation, there comes that moment where my face goes to SpongeBob “you like krabby patties,” and you guys, we are here skskdfjskdjfks we’ve arrived only BOTH RAFA AND I ARE “YOU LIKE KRAAAABBY PATTIIIIEEEESSSS”

And you’re jealous of Sofia, too. You wish you weren’t but you are. It creeps up to you, the longer you stand here, it crawls up your trouser legs, into your ears along with her name. She caught his eyes, his heart. You got the brain and everything else, but she has a part of him that he never shared with you. Never tried to.

NO. NO. EVERYONE I AM– I LITERALLY– I CANNOT– I AM INCOHERENT FUCKING INCOHERENT, DO YOU UNDERSTAND??? MY CIRCUITS ARE FUCKINIIIIIIIINGNNSDKFJSLDJF SCRAMBLED BY THE DEEP LONGING, SORROW, RESENTMENT, HOW VISCERAL THIS IS, THE IMAGERY, I’M KISSING YOU ON BOTH CHEEKS LIKE I’M ITALIAN, I’M PUNCHING YOU IN THE THROAT, I’M THROWING THINGS, I’M THAT MEME OF ALL THOSE GAJILLION SPONGEBOBS RUNNING AROUND WITH ALL THE FILE CABINETS ON FIRE, I’M IN A BALL, IN THE FETAL POSITION, ON THE FLOOR, UGLY CRYING AND ASKING SOMEONE TO HELP ME SKSKKSKSK bc even though it’s not explicitly stated, the way this sooooooojust smacks of like….. like he’s always sort of been there, available sometimes too emotionally available sksksk bc it’s Rafa sksks mans is a mess. Mans probably needs a wife and a mom and a teacher and a housekeeper and a camp counselor all in one for a partner to feel emotionally secure in anyway sksk Reader is like 4/5 at this point and bc he’s always been there, no action is taken to ever change the dynamic of the relationship despite the clear allusions to Reader’s desire to maybe do so and allusions to Reader’s very wise and responsible choice of self-preservation over a passionate love affair with a coke-addled botanic genius man-baby who reports to an even larger man-baby only that one is uptight and duplicitous asf but now that the opportunity to change the dynamic is taken away, Reader is left just like, “fuck. missed my chance and like that’s probably more a good than a bad thing but fuck if I’m not still gonna feel butthurt about it”

That’s how he is. Passionate. He fixates, he works, he wins. Loves with a tunnel vision that you’ll never understand.

GODDDDDDLKSJDKF THE WAY YOU HAVE JUST THOUGHT THIS MF THROUGH, NAILED HIM DOWN TO A T, AND IT FUCKING SHOWS IN MOMENTS LIKE THIS. Also loving the tone of like……. Admiration? Of his steadfastness in all things? And simultaneous like lamenting that quality at the same time bc like sksksaklsdkfal we all know the shitshow that arises from Rafa just running shit into the ground with the force of a comet that only passes the Earth every 200 years or whateverlskdsk

‘She won’t care, Rafa. Eres guapo. Te ves rico.’ And that’s what they like, girls like her. That’s what matters. ‘You be good to her, okay? Treat her right. She’s not someone you should mess around.’

I can’t determine if the warning here is like, “Rafa don’t be a psycho, druggie piece of shit to this poor girl who has no idea what she’s getting herself into plot twist: she does and she’s worse than he is ksksksksk or if it’s liiiiiike, “please don’t do anything to bring the wrath of the government upon yourself by treating this politician’s daughter badly” sksksk or both??? Like if it’s the first one, idk why that warms me to Reader like makes me think “what a homie” bc I stan tf out of a character that can set their jealousy aside long enough to humanize the person who’s the object of their envy and also like fuck it, all men are garbage. All non-cis-men unite, gotta have each other’s backs sksksk and like if it’s the second one, I’m screamingskskdjksjfdks bc Rafa’s gonna do everything that is the antithesis of careful and is absolutely going to incur the wrath of the PRI, that’s literally the entire plot of the second half of S1 skskksksskks

How little it became about himself, or what he wanted. How close he’d stumbled to the edge without you waiting a step behind.

UGHHSHDHFLSJHDFLSKJDFKLAJ;SLKDJFA;LKJSDF;LAKJSD;FKLJ A;SLDKJF;ALSJD F;LAJSD F;LAJ WITHOUT YOU WAITING A STEP BEHIND, I’M FUCKING SKDFJSLKDJFLSK SICK TO MY STOMACH, SICK AND CRYING AND ROCKING BACK AND FORTH, SENDING OUT SOS SMOKE SIGNALS BC I DO NEED MENTAL HELP AS MUCH AS DEAR RAFA

You didn’t ask, he didn’t tell, so you lived through the whispers of him. Maybe it’s time, you thought, maybe he’s outgrown you at last. Maybe this is the part where you don’t play catch up.

Dopedopedopedopedopedopedopedopedopedopedope sosososososos just so fucking dope that you just continuously feel the need to pummel me in the fucking face, line by line, you were literally typing this being like, “how do I personally commit terrorisms across the Atlantic to my df, dear friend, Kay. Ohhhhhsdkfjsldkfjslkdj we’ll do this, just fucking torpedo of sadness after torpedo of sadness in the most poetic and touching way I can think of muhahahahhahahahah” don’t even try to deny it I already checked my secret cameras, and I have the receipts, transcripts, all on tape of you talking out loud, planning this brutal personal attack on me and like if I wasn’t presently undead, I’d be giving you a round of applause bc your plan worked perfectly

Snipped ties worse than you had, ones with actual weight. Purpose. Structure that couldn’t afford to be pulled from under him.

slides glasses down bridge of nose and smiles diabolically oh??????? Gorl????? Dramatic irony? is that you I see hiding behind that bush?????? waiting to ambush me as I mind my own fucking business as if I’ve ever minded my own business on my morning walk???? as if I’ve ever taken a morning walksksk it’s fine well, too bad bitch, cause I spotted your sneaky ass before you got the chance to ruin me lies, I’m still ruined bc the fact that Reader understands to some degree their importance to Rafa but at the same time discredit the structure they, themself(?) themselves(?) have been providing throughout their entire friendship but ranks that structure as having lesser value when it’s almost like … if they’d stuck around or been involved in the business directly, so they were more tied to him on a day-to-day basis, would their influence have maybe changed the outcome bc they did provide structure? Who can say. Im sure this makes absolutely negative amounts of sense but I just thought it was intriiiiiiguing

So now he was off the coke, too. Cold turkey and rotting from it.

GOOOOODDDDDDDD THE JUST FULLY JUGGERNAUT ME BETWEEN THE EYES AND KNOCK ME ON MY ASS WHY DONT YOU. LIKE I READ THIS SHIT AND IMMEDIATELY WANTED TO START WRITING MYSELF, SO INSPIRED SDSFSLKDFJLS SHIT SLAPT!!!!! and likiiiiiike we don’t need to get into it, I will just say from my hoodrat days, that is a ROUGH fucking comedownskksksksk

They’ve shut him in like a beast, oiled mahogany set firmly between them and him, him and you.

ASDLKJFA;LSDJF AOKAAYY AGAIN FUCKING JUST SLAMMING ME LEFT AND RIGHT, I’M LIKE NOT EVEN A WHOLE PERSON ANYMORE AT THIS POINT??????A?SD?FA?SD?FA “they’ve shut him in like a beast” like the whole lore of the Wolf Man could be altogether one giant allegory for detox because like low-key that’s what it looks and feels like. It is messy, it is violent, it is agonizing to endure and/or watch and something about the way you’ve put that with the imagery of what the room looks like, just gave me such fucking Wolf Man vibes, gave me actual fucking goosebumps te lo juro

It’s a den, a cage. Distress that’s been played out and abandoned afterwards.

AND WOLFMAN VIIIIIBES PERSIST ALONG WITH THE CONTINUED, CEASELESS, PERSISTENT DAMAGE THAT KEEP DEALING TO ME LIKE THE MOST VINDICTIVE DUNGEON MASTER LIKE DAMN, I’M AT NEGATIVE HIT POINTS, CAN’T KEEP FUCKING DOIN THIS SHIT DO YOU UNDERSTAANLDFJALKSDJFA;LKJSDF;ALK

…more of a wet room than the stylised bathroom it was designed to be. Like walking into the overused swamp of a public swimming pool.

Oh MAAAANANNNN this is such a fucking doozy of a description, like it’s so tangible, I’m fucking there, I’m there and my hair is frizzy and I’m annoyed and i’m also applauding the skill skskksksk

‘It’s me,’ you say, louder now. His head lifts weakly. ‘Sofia?’ No, not her, only you.

OH GOOD GOTDAAAAMNNNNFNSKLDFJS DUDE NO EVERYONE, EVERYONE SIT TF DOWN AND SHUT TF UP BC THIS IS LIKE????????? I DON’T???????? EVEN KNOW HOW ALSDKFJALSKDJF;ALJ OHOW TO ADEQUATELY EXPRESS THE WAY THIS MADE ME FEELL?????????????????????? Like …. There’s something like a declaration, the way Reader says, “no, not her, only you.” Like I depending on how you read it, it could be like sadness, lamentation, feelings of inadequacy which would totally make sense to me, but for some reason, the way I read it was like, “no, not her, only you” as in “yeah, me. The one who’s been here for you every time you’ve needed it, while the rest of the world was spinning, iwas the only one still and waiting, and now you’re here and so am i” and idk if that’s even the most accurate interpretation of that but GOOOODDAAAAAMMMMMMMMNNNNN WHEN I SAY I CLUTCHED MY CHEST AND KEELED OVER LIKE SOMEONE IN ONE OF THOSE LIFE ALERT COMMERCIALS

You don’t know enough about withdrawals to know if it’s normal. If he’s supposed to look like this, if it’s part of the process. You don’t know if it’s even the drugs at all, but you know him, and you know this is bad for him. Lights off in the fucking dark.

Okay first off, “lights off in the fucking dark,” :lebrontear: bc jfc the way I felt this straight to the core of my soul and secondly…… with how much cocaine Rafa was doing especially the coke in the 80s which was usually more pure, cut with less nonsense, so a lot stronger this is….p normal skdkskksksk

What if this is him now? What if this is what happened while you were away, and it’s set too deep to be undone?

What if this is me now … a disassmbled pile of bones, like I was one of those lego people and someone just pulled me apart and left me in tiny pieces on the floor just waiting for some unsuspecting adult to step on me, causing shooting pain into their foot like they’ve just stepped on actual shards of glass bc you apparently decided you just had to fucking disassemble? Idk what I did to make you hurt me so but I’m literally worse off than Rafa at this point so great, hope you’re happy

‘I miss you,’ he says, in the same way. Desperate, quick, like he’s only got a few words left to give. ‘You know that, right? I miss you, too.’

LITEREALLLLYYYYFSLDKFJA;LSDKJF;ALKSDJF;LAKJSDF;LAKJSD;FLKJA;SLDIJF ATHIS HAS TO FUCKING STOP, THIS IS BECOMING A FUCKING WAR CRIME AT THIS POINT, A VIOLATION OF THE UNITED NATIONS’ STANDARDS OF VIRTUAL ENGAGEMENT WITH FOREIGN COUNTRIES that sounds even less real than I thought it wouldsks

Pounding on your door and peppering the button until the bell can’t complete a full ring anymore. It just spits out one shrill note, over and over.

Okyaskfjalskdjfa;lskjd;flajsd; okayokayokay bc here’s that time where I whip out my detective notepad and tiny glasses and begin feverishly jotting down notes skskskks bc I’m internally I guess it’s not so internal given this is going on the inter webs for my -3 followers to see FUCKING SHRIEKING AT THE LITERARY GENIUS THAT I MUST SOMEHOW FIND A WAY TO ABSORB THROUGH OSMOSIS AND HARNESS FOR MYSELF TO LEVEL UP MY OWN SHIT SKSKSKSKSKKSKS and I’m gonna call this specific Skill You Have, “Naming and/or Describing Stuff That I’ve Seen/Heard A Million Times irl In the Most Unique and Poetic Way Possible” like the doorbell, if you asked me to sit down and fucking describe what that sounds like, I would literally just be

BUT HTENSKDFJSKDFJ THEN READ THIS, it’s one of those moments where I’m like “oh that’s so spot-on, how could I not summon those words, that’s so fucking clever”

Rushed to your door with an urgency you can’t grasp onto yet; it slips through your fingers, like him, like what you had. Scatters in the hallway like dropped ball-bearings. You can’t catch him like you used to.

throws chair violently like that one Jon Bernthal Punisher gif that’s it. I’m fucking done. I’m done????? Do you understand???? I’m done. I will not continue to SIT IDLY BY WHILE YOU CONTINUE TO ABUSE ME THIS WAY, ESTA NO ES LA FORMA DE TRATARA UNA CAMARADA, OKEYYYYYYYYY???

‘Have you actually stopped to think? I have a job, Rafa, a life. I’m not involved in your,’ your search for the word, the title of all his erratic decisions: adventures, war, ‘bullshit.’ Yeah, that fits.

Skskskkskskskks i have no idea why, maybe bc Reader has fucking HAD it and it’s so sarcastic and fucking over-this-shit, but I did start reading the end of this in Spanishsksksksk “Aventuras, guerra, ‘pendejadas.’ Aye, se queda bien”

‘Have you planned any part of this, or did you do too much coke and come here on a whim?’ you ask evenly. You’re not judging him, but you have to know. Fear or drugs. It’s one of the two. You stare at him afterwards, waiting for an answer.

FEAR OR DRUGSSDKFSLDKJFLSKJDF WHY DID THAT MAKE ME m CACKLE SO HARRDDD IT’S LIKE NOT THAT FUNNY BUT IT IS BC LIKE MY FIRST THOUGHT WAS “por que no los dos??”

‘Well, yeah. It’s all paid for, carnale.’ You scoff. ‘You only have to get on the plane.’

NASODFA;SDLKFJA;SKJDF NO I AMMMASDFKAL HAVING A FUCKING ANEURYSM LAUGHING SO HARD SKDFJSLDKFJ AT ATHIS ;DFJGUCKING SHIT. LIKE RAFA. RAFAAAAAA. AMORCITO, CHIQUITO. THE COST OF THE PLANE TICKETS AND THE OBSCENELY EXTRAVAGANT RESORT YOU’RE STAYING AT IS SO FAR FROM TEH FUCKING POINT I’M SHOCKED THAT YOU EVEN MADE IT TO THE HOUSE WITH A SHIRT ON BC CLEARLY YOUR MENTAL FACULTIES ARE SO BACK ASSWARDS BUT ALSO LIKE SKSJDKSJKSKA THIS IS COREECT LIKE HE WAS THIS ABSURD

‘She wants to come with me,’ he answers. ‘And I want you to come too, once it’s safe.’

Rafa trying to make his throuple dreams come true, only I’m pretty sure once Reader and Sofia arrive on the island, only one of them is leaving the island bc homicide has occurred bc they are so beyond opposites, they couldn’t last more than a week without one murdering the other sksksk

But what are you even agreeing to? What does he need you for, when he’d have Sofia with him already? Why would you go if he was going to— ‘You aren’t coming back, are you?’

CUE ME SKDJFLSJK WOAHDEEBY RIGHT ALONG WITH READER, LIKE OFC SKSKSKKS HE’S TRYING TO PACK ALL HIS FAVORITE TOYS IN HIS SUITCASE CAUSE HE RAELLY IS NEVER COMING BACK

One final time, you could show out for him just one final time, and then put it to bed. No more friendship, no more relying on you to pile up the bricks again. If he can’t come home afterwards, then you will, alone, and he’ll be free to take on the world. All by himself. Just as he wanted to.

Sorry sddlfja;sdkjf;a bc no, I just have to make this shit about me always, at all times, everywhere, this. shit. This reminds me so much of the Rafa/María thingy I did, like clean slate, getting to take on the world, except it’s fucked bc he’s not sober. Like yeah, my Rafa was cracked in the head bc he’d been cracked in the head a great many times sdkksjdfklsdj but your Rafa, this Rafa, is spun tf out on coke, desperate, and running for his life sldkfjsklj like the hope at the end of my story isn’t here, and it’s making my stomach AND MY CHEST HURT BC I KNOW THIS IS ALL GOING TO END IN A BALL OF FLAMES

A laugh you don’t like twitches out of him; he isn’t taking it seriously. He doesn’t realise how easy it is to fall yet, how close he is to the sun.

FUUUUCKKSJFDSLFKJSL describing his laugh as TWITCHING OUT OF HIM is like so on-point for a tweaker like Rafa, I can see it and it’s making me cringe and I’m also scribbling in my detective’s notepad and crying to myself, and swearing bc the tears keep smearing the ink and I keep having to scratch out the diligent notes I’m trying to take on the art of writing that you’re teaching me

He’s never been nobody anywhere. Even before all this shit.

SKDFJAL;SDKJF;ASDKJF;A NO BC JUST THE MOST POETIC FUCKING WAY TO SAY “HE’S A HAM AND A HALF”

‘And then I’ll come home,’ you add. He’s already talking like he’s forgotten, like he thinks you’ll follow him across the globe, one step behind as always.

GODDD he’s like willfully not hearing Reader bc he can’t conceive of the notion of like them not being there, or him getting caught, or both, is like the most heartbreaking thing and the way Reader has to gently remind him, “and then I’ll come home,” LIKE HES A LITTLE FUCKSINGSKDJFSKSJ KID

It would’ve made things worse for her, tagged her into the downfall alongside him, so it’s good that she avoided it. She stands a better chance of a future having done it.

Once again, the fact that Reader is like not blaming Sofia and like sees where she’s coming from is so fucking well-adjusted but also complicated and layered and I’m just really living for that dynamic even though I sincerelyfuckingdoubt Sofia would be so understanding if the tables were turned aksjfsk but that’s just bc she’s an literal actual child. Like 20 years old is still young-dumb-stupid, lbr

It was all anger. Hurt. Liquid regret pouring through the handset.

LIQUID REGRET POURING THROUGH THE HANDSETS;JAF;LSDJIF;ALSDJF;OFIJQWE;OFIJAOSDIJFA;SDKJFNA;OSDIJF;AOSIJDF; I HATE YOU, I HATE, HATE, HATE YOU. SO SKILLFUL, FLOWS BEAUTIFULLY. AND IT FUCKING R H Y M ES ????? BC YOU WEREN’T FLEXING ENOUGH ALREADY???? I’M PACING OKAY, I CAN’T BREATHE

It wasn’t the plan to come in like this was any other, normal reunion, like you’re seeing him after an impromptu vacation. The plan, was to be a friend to yourself, for once.

GODDDD;AKJ THE LITERAL FUCKING DREAD YOU HAVE BUILT INTO THIS BUT ALSO AT THE SAME TIME GOT ME FULL FUCKING CLIMBING TO THE TOP OF A STREET LAMP, LIKE AN OVERLY ENTHUSIASTIC SPORTS FAN, RIOTING AND TEARING DOWN MY OWN CITY, SWINGING MY FUCKING T-SHIRT AROUND, CHEERING READER ON BC “THE PLAN WAS TO BE A FRIEND TO YOURSELF FOR ONCE” IS LIKE THE FUCKIGNSODFIJSDLDFKJ MOVE LIKE GORL RUN FOR YOUR LIFE AND NEVER LOOK BACK IN NO WAY AM I SEEING PARALLELS BETWEEN THIS AND MY RECENT DIVORCE AND SOBBING ON MY KEYBOARD, AND SHORT-CIRCUITING MY LAPTOP AS I READ THIS, NOOOOOPOPEEEEEE NOOOOOOT DOING IT

‘I’ve been going fucking crazy in here,’ he says, ‘not even Neto wants to talk to me.’ ‘Neto’s here too?’ You’ve met him before, of course. He isn’t a character you can forget easily.

SKLFSKSKSK now I know why you chose that gif. From “no salta el DIIIIISCO WEY!” to “es basura, he hates me” in 60 seconds. This also reminds me of that one scene in S2 when Miguel goes to visit Neta to ask for advice y’know as tho he didn’t complete blast Neto in the ass with a sandpaper dildo aka entirely responsible for him being there in the first place and Neta, in no uncertain terms tells him to get fucked but then also says something about how, if Miguel ever ends up in there, he’d let “estas pinshes marranas puercas como Rafa” cut him to pieces or something sdkjfsk

Honestly, you’d hoped you would at least have some glass between, you were counting on it, even. Something for his reaction to bounce off.

SWEEEEEET FUCKS THIS DIDN’T EVEN OCCUR TO ME IN THE SLIGHTEST BUT OFC YOU’D BE EXPECTING GLASS. IT’S IN ALL THE MOVIES, THE GLASS AND THE PHONE BUT NOW HE’S SO MUCH CLOSER, LIKE HAVING TO EXTRACT THEMSELF FROM HIM LIKE P H Y S I CALLY, EMOTIONALLY, MENTALLY ASLDFJA;SLJFA;LSDJF;ALSJK FI ASTQA=WE0RUQ=EI I’M DONE. I’M FUCKING DONE. I CAN’T MAKE IT TO THE END

He’s been souring since he’d swapped you for Miguel, himself for the business. Been gone before you’d even realised. You’ve spent all this time trying to stitch him back together, keep the body whole, keep the motor running, and he was already a ghost. Gone through the fucking cracks. You were just too sentimental to see it, too loyal to the kid you’d met at the end of the street.

I’m like– liek?????? I don’t know what to say????? rn??? I’m like, like…. See I can’t even fucking worsdkfsjldfjslkdfjslkdfj ;sdasdflkajsdl;fkja;sldfkja;lsdfja;io sfhjpiquwoehf like I really can’t. Liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiike I cannot actually asummon the cognitive power to a fasfeormea sslkdfj la;sjf rform a real actualfucking sentence bc like????? I think you broke my brain????? And all cognitive functioning has ceased entirely??? don’t even have the capacity to caps or key smash bc I’m like real-life shell shocked and catatonic, staring off into a void I will never know or understand and I’m pretty sure I will never write a single, solitary thing again bc what is the point when it’s already been said in these few lines

‘For who?’ he asks. ‘I need you in here, I’ll go crazy, I’ll—’ ‘For me, Rafa.’ That’s the point, the whole point, and still he doesn’t get it. ‘It’s better for me, and I have to do it.’ And he has to let you. He said he wouldn’t ask again, wouldn’t expect you to follow him everywhere he went. Just because he’s stuck in one place now, doest mean you have to be too. One of you deserves a win, right? You won’t serve time on his behalf.

HOOOOOOKAAAAY IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSKJEKLJKRLWEJSSIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIMMMMMMMMMMM,,,,,,,MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMHMMMMMMMHH you won’t serve time on his behalf. YOU WON’T SERVE TIME ON HIS BEHALF. 👏🏽YOU👏🏽WON’T👏🏽SERVE~~👏🏽GOTDAMN👏🏽TIME👏🏽ON👏🏽HIS👏🏽BEHALF👏🏽

You don’t, and if this is how he wants to be, then fine, conversation over. Cloth cut from the body at last …You’ve found your track, now it’s time to run it, right to the end. Just like he would.

ALRIGHT. COOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLL. … I FEEL SO GOOD NOW ……………. YEAH FUCKING INCREDIBLE, TOP OF THE WORLD …………………… THAT DIDN’T HURT AT ALL ……………………………… SO EXCITED THAT YOU DID ALL THESE TERRORISMS TO ME ……………………………………………… NOT AT ALL FEELING

five and one

rafa x gn!reader, 7598 words, canon typical drug use, hurt/comfort/angst, no happy ending(!!!)

the five times you were his friend, and the one time you weren’t 

a/n: this has been in my docs waiting to be finished for sososo long omg finally the rafito despair is here. enjoy!

taglist: @ashlingiswriting​ @drabbles-mc​ @cositapreciosa​ @hausofmamadas​ @cherixrosa​ @purplesong1028​ @mandaloria314​ @dashavau​ @yeetintomadness @thesandbeneathmytoes​ (as per i have forgotten who wants tagging and who doesnt sorry!)

1

Rafa’s been asking you for weeks. Come smoke, carnale, come on. I have something to show you.

Soon, you told him. I’m busy with school, work, I have to pick my Abuela up from church—I’m the only one who can drive her, remember?

They weren’t made up excuses, even if he thought they might’ve been. You didn’t like it either, having no time for him, but it’s how it went. How it is. He dropped out of school, never made it to college. You did. It gives you different markers now, different structures to shape the friendship around. When you were classmates it was easy, natural: before class, in class, after class. Simple. There you were, there he was. Now, you have to pencil him in like any other obligation.

He isn’t an obligation. You try not to let him feel like one.

Keep reading

[sugawarassoulmate]

I read all your loser! kuroo posts (or at least the ones this broken site lets me see 🥲) and I love it so much!!! Then I had a thought like what if a new kid comes to town and reader is bullying them cause ofc she is. This isnt anything new but this time, the new kid likes it too! And kuroo is just??? Wtf bro?? There is only room for 1 loser and its me??? Extra drama when it seems like reader is ignoring kuroo for this new toy but really its a coincidence and reader is just a dumbass

the idea of kuroo only getting jealous when you’re mean to someone else is sending me

words: 602

cw: fem!reader, bullying, name-calling, jealousy, bully!reader, college au, like one line of smut but youngsters stay tf away, minors dni

the two of you are doing work in one of the study rooms in the library and you’re complaining about this kid that your professor partnered you with for a project

“he’s so snively and whiney, it’s annoying” you bemoan, feet stretched across kuroo’s lap while he’s writing notes

kuroo doesn’t think anything of it, you’re always complaining about someone: your classmates, the people who live on your floor, the barista at the coffee shop who messed up your order. kuroo doesn’t mind listening to all of it, he loves hearing your voice 🥺

but when you say “i swear this kid is worse than you,” kuroo gets all 🤨 but he chooses to ignore it. you must have been really annoyed and needed to vent

the thing we love about kuroo is how perceptive he is, yeah?

he notices something’s up when you’re suddenly not texting him

you’re always bombarding kuroo with text messages, telling him that you’re bored and want his attention but now it’s the middle of the day and you’ve barely sent him anything

at first he thinks maybe you’re busy with work but you do all your studying with him. then he remembers that you’re partnered up with that boy you’ve been complaining about

after that kuroo finds himself laughing. what’s he so worried about? you’re just out with some kid doing classwork

but then…..

he’s not hearing from you for days and when he finally sees you, that kid is shuffling beside you. holding your books....

that’s my job… kuroo thinks, now noticing how the boy is staring at you—wide eyed with a pleasing smile, one that kuroo knows all too well

the boy begins to ask you multiple questions at once and kuroo can see the fire behind your eyes. rookie mistake, he thinks before you’re shoulder checking the poor kid, knocking him to the ground

“do you ever stop babbling, you fucking dork?”

and god kuroo wishes that were him

kuroo’s fine, everything’s fine… *narrator voice* everything was, in fact, not fine.

you haven’t forgotten about him, have you? he hasn’t outlived his usefulness? no, he means more to you than that. but this shiny new toy is occupying all your attention… you haven’t even talked to him other than a good morning text (if he’s lucky)

poor boy doesn’t realize that you’re not really trying to ignore him. you really have been busy working on this stupid project. thankfully you have this stupid freshman at your beck and call.

you probably don’t even notice that this child (yes, college freshman are children to me sksks) has a fat crush on you. you’ve never really interested in anyone beside kuroo (but you’d rather die than admit that you’re in love with him again)

after nearly two weeks, kuroo can’t take it anymore and corners the little shit @ god help this poor lil freshie who’s got the captain of the volleyball team towering over him on some abandoned part of campus

kuroo’s always a sweetheart—he helps old ladies cross the street and saves stray kittens from the rain :( he’d never hurt a fly but the thought of you spending time with this boy when he’s got feelings for you doesn’t sit right with him

he doesn’t threaten him….kuroo just kindly tells him that you’re already with someone and to keep your time together spent strictly working on the project 😌

this poor kid is shitting bricks and you don’t even notice it the next day sksksks

soon enough the project is done and kuroo’s celebrating your perfect grade by eating his smart girl out :(

©sugawarassoulmate 2021 all rights reserved - please do not repost/translate my work on other platforms!

[nartothelar]

Just when I thought you couldn’t get any better, it turns out you like Percy Jackson

I’ve always been a fan and read nearly all the books (series or others) that has Percy in it! The series is such a nostalgia trip for me (my TLO book is literally broken in half from how much I reread it sksks) and it’s just incredible that there are still so many dedicated fans for it 😭 Can’t wait for the new show so others can get into the fandom too 🥰💖

[prettylittlebrownskingyal]

🎂☆ Jason Todd Birthday Week ☆ Aug 16th - JASON’S BIRTHDAY

Dickface Grayson: what do u want for ur bday baby bro?

RedNerd: a big booty hoe

Spawn: same

Wiffle: sksks DAMIAN

The family group chat is usually rather annoying. No one sleeps and no one has boundaries or tact so there’s always three hundred messages and long ass tangents (courtesy of Tim, Damian and sometimes Duke) for Jason to read over his morning coffee.

It’s a big thorn in his ass.

But it’s routine. He’s grown to expect it like he anticipates sunrise, it’s become one of those things on his mental checklist that he can never forget. Those morons keep finding more and more opportunities to weasel their way into his life and it’s so goddamn irritating that he loves it.

Which is why the lack of notifications he wakes up to makes his skin itch in an unscratchable way. His first instinct is to assume something’s wrong because there’s nothing beside that one question from Dick. But as he replies, Damian and Stephanie’s responses follow immediately— he finds relief in knowing their fine but his confusion grows.

He realizes he’s bored.

He has a three day stretch of no plans and he’s so freaking bored he kind of wants to claw his eyes out.

Dickface Grayson: i told y’all asking him wouldn’t work

Dickface Grayson: i. told. y’all.

Timbits: stop with the y’alls

Wiffle: y? cuz it reminds u of connor?

Timbits: fuck off

Wiffle: bite me

Babs: I say, we go with the original plan

Duke☀️: but how are we going to get him to go willingly go to a party?

Spawn: we could knock him out

Timbits: NO

Spawn: and just carry him there

Timbits: Damian I swear to GOD

Dickface Grayson: why can’t we do the surprise party

Wiffle: cuz he’d hate it

Wiffle: and he’d kill us

🐥Cass: let’s just get him a cupcake and call it a day

Spawn: i second that

Spawn: or we could get him an escort

Babs: DAMIAN

Spawn: put it on father’s card

Timbits: as much as I would LOVE to see that

Timbits: we can’t

🐥Cass: add it to the list for next yr dames

Babs: I have work to do, you guys plzzz come up with something.

Dickface Grayson: good luck babs

Dickface Grayson: I say party

Wiffle: i’m going with Cass and the cupcake

🐥Cass: ^^

Dickface Grayson: Damian I see you typing. Don’t say it.

Timbits: he’s Jason guys. he doesn’t want the attention of having to blow out a candle and listen to us butcher happy bday

Timbits: we need something he’d like

Wiffle: let’s just give him his presents

Wiffle: they’re all books anyway

🐥Cass: books and cupcakes

Spawn: no that’s stupid

🐥Cass: ur stupid

Spawn: ur stupider

Wiffle: Tim’s stupidest

Timbits: blocked

Dickface Grayson: CHILDREN

Dickface Grayson: babs will murder us if we don’t come up with something

Timbits: I mean…. she’ll muder you

Spawn: muder

🐥Cass: muder

Wiffle: STUPIDEST

Jason calls Alfred, texts Bruce and leaves a long winded voicemail for Barbra. She replies with three smiley face emojis and then a voice note of her reminding him that his has three days off for his birthday specifically for resting, to stop worrying about everybody else. She’s stern and sure and he knows it’s pointless to argue.

Alfred had been vague too and Bruce hadn’t replied— with all his sources dry, Jason’s left pouting in his apartment, bored out of his mind. He keeps opening and closing his apps to see if there’s been updates.

There isn’t.

RedNerd: why are you guys so AWOL

Timbits: we’re giving u a break hbd loser

RedNerd: shady

Timbits:🙃

Timbits: i’m disowning Steph

RedNerd: i’m on her side whatever it is

Timbits: traitor

RedNerd: 🙃

Jason sighs languidly. He flicks his phone to the side and watches it bounce off the couch. There’s a full five seconds in which he allows himself to release his boredom in a long, guttural groan and then he’s diving after it to check the screen. It’s not broken. He resolutes himself to reading as all else fails.

Timbits: Jay’s getting antsy

Dickface Grayson: ughh

Wiffle: what r we gonna do?

Spawn: yk

Wiffle: Damian

Spawn: shut up Brown, I was going to say that Duke had an idea.

Wiffle: oh

Wiffle: what’s ur idea sunshine?

Duke☀️: I never volunteered

Wiffle: I’m starting to like the escort thing so plz

Duke☀️: fine

Duke☀️: I’ll invite him to the manor to play PUBG

Duke☀️: no party

Duke☀️: and then we do family dinner and have Alfred make a cake

Dickface Grayson: that’s simple enough

Wiffle: and Alfie makes the cake he’ll have no choice but to accept it

Babs: good work team

Duke☀️: team?

Babs: Good Work Sunshine ☀️💛💛

He’s cleaning his kitchen for the third time when his phone vibrates. A plate is almost dropped in his haste to get to it.

Duke☀️: PUBG. Pizza. Manor?

RedNerd: yessss

The manor’s dead silent when he steps into the threshold. Alfred slips out of the kitchen to bid him a quick hello, hands him two boxes of pizza (one extra cheese and the other sausage and peppers) and shoos him up the stairs.

“You look like shit,” is what Duke says in greeting. He already has the controllers and television set up. Jason feels a little like he’s found bliss.

“I’m losing it, man. No patrol and shit for three days? I’m going to die. Again.”

“Yeah cuz I’m about to kick your ass. Hand me my pizza and sit down.”

“It’s on, sunshine.”

Dickface Grayson: Duke has him in the den. we’re jist gonna ease in one by one. Alfred’ll bring the cake, we’ll do presents and then it’s done

Wiffle: sounds good chief

Timbits: is my pizza here?

Spawn: no one ordered for you

Duke☀️: yh it’s in the kitchen.

Timbits: right, expect me first.

They play four rounds until Jason’s spent most of his pent up energy on killing opponents. Duke gets better every time he plays and he works well with Jason’s style. It reminds him that they should team up more for patrol.

Damian slinks in on his toes right as they start the fifth. He’s got a box of pizza balanced in one hand and Alfred the cat tucked under the other.

“Todd,” is all he says before plopping down on the opposing sofa.

Tim wanders in after, barefooted and rumpled. He opens his mouth to say something, spots Damian and snaps it shut. He makes a noise that reminds Jason of a busted engine. He doesn’t know what that’s about, he doesn’t want to know either.

“Timbo, take this.” He passes him the controller and yanks his skinny frame down with one arm. “Play for me so I can eat.”

“Cheating,” Duke intones.

“It’s my birthday, I can do what I want to.” They all visibly stiffen at the words. He continues, speaking quickly around a mouthful of pizza. “And also. You guys have been really weird all day. What have you been up to?”

The response is a three tiered chorus of, “Nothing.”

“The group chat was dead quiet.”

Tim is stuttering something out when Damian drops a “I wish it was,” under his breath.

Nobody says anything. He chews, swallows and waits for them to fill the silence.

“What?”

“Nothing.”

“Do you guys have another group chat?”

“No.”

“Why would we?”

“Yes.”

Jason’s braces himself to be as offended as he possibly can when three things happen in the space of a minute.

Tim throws a slice of pizza at Damian while Duke ducks between the cushions. The ensuing fight is so loud Jason can’t hear himself think.

Dick and Cass come stumbling through the doors with Stephanie tailing behind them— their all singing “happy birthday.” Alfred— bless him— is following along with a small sponge cake adorned with lit candles. He makes it one foot into the room before there’s a loud splatter, a scream and shouted curse.

There’s a controller in the cake.

Dick and Steph are on the ground trying to pull a shocked Damian and Tim apart while Duke sinks further between the upholstery.

“Jason,” Cass crosses around the disaster zone. She offers him a hand and gives him a firm shake. “Happy Birthday.”

“Thank you.” He’s still stunned, gaping down at her like a confused goldfish.

“These are for you.”

It’s a pile of hard copy classics secured by a gold ribbon. A tiny bite size cupcake sits on top.

“Thanks Cass. I really appreciate it.”

She hums, casts a glare at Damian and sways out of the room.

“Well,” Alfred snaps. “I’m going to clean this buttercream off of me while you all fix this ...mess. Master Jason, it appears I owe you a cake.”

“It’s fine, Alfie.”

Dick slams his fist to the floor, fuming. “ It’s not.”

“It’s ok—“

“Jay we’ve been trying to plan something special for you all day. This was the best we could do— just us, just a cake and some presents— and we found a way to screw it up.”

“That’s what the other group chat was for.”

Tim chimes in, rolling out of the chokehold Damian has him in.

He sees the guilt hanging around the dropped corners of their mouths like anchors. So that’s why they were so unattached, they were just being annoying amongst themselves.

“This is….it’s great actually. That,” he points to Damian on the ground. “Was quality entertainment. Duke is still a PUBG genius, which it was nice to be reminded of and this—,” he raises the books and cupcake. “—is really all I need.”

He and Dick split half of Damian’s pizza out of sheer spite. Bruce comes in at some point to let them know Alfred’s making another cake and then he somehow gets sucked into a game of Super Mario. Later, they’ll all gather around in the kitchen to force feed Jason cake and watch him open presents. It’ll be quiet and intimate and just right for him.

He’s not bored to death anymore.

Tomorrow, he’ll wake up to four hundred messages in the group chat and the world will right itself.

Wiffle: We’re all going to remember what we’re getting Damian for his bday next yr, right?

Duke☀️: lessons in decorum

Timbits: tickets to the Crayola Experience?

Timbits: tickets to Sesame Street live?

Wiffle: no

Wiffle: a trip to Home Depot to get him a big ass hoe

[mismatchedtwins]

Bro it was so visceral and horrifying, the way u made Donnie AWARE of his flesh and bones mending together. And you made him feel it too?? No!! EVIL🫵 That was soo evil but I loved it!! I love horror!!

I DO TOO BUT HORROR IS SO HARD TO WRITE

I always felt like Donnie should have been a little out of it since he was literally SOWN BACK TOGETHER in the city streets. And I was thinking about how that would go and I had the inescapable urge to write what I’ve always wanted to happen. And I’m SO proud of it, lemme tell you the truth! It’s like reading someone else’s work!!

This bit was so cool, I don't stumble upon a lot of horror in fics yk? There's not a lot thats made me recoil and sit there mouth agape. But this??! U totally nailed it!!

Thank you!!

I’m so weird ‘cause I CANNOT watch horror on the tv screen but I will DEVOUR horror in books form. Like. MMMM tasteh

[The prison dimension looks like the stuff of nightmares. Dead ancient ruins and echoes r such a fun bit to play around with >:)) im excited to see how u interpret it]

I HAVE SO MANY PLANS

I NEED TO MAKE A LIST OR SOMETHIN’ OF ALL THE THINGS THAT I’VE DECIDED BASED ON DIMENSION X LOGIC AND THE FUN TIDBITS FROM THE KRAANG SHIP LIKE MMMMM

I just lie in bed at night mentally filling in every single blank that only I care about like why 😭🤣

Also him immediately wanting his brothers around and thinking about his dad hurt 😭

His family will be on his mind for the next eternity.

If I have my way, his guilt will be unnecessary and painful.

His sufferings are both instantaneous and crippling!

Sksskk this made me giggle out of my previous horror shock. Dee just went thru the most traumatic event of his life so far and witnessing an explosion comparable to a nuclear bomb and his 1st instinct is to take a pic.

There are so many times where I have to question whether the 2012 cartoon would have someone do something, but HERE we go by a mix of 2012 AND 2018 logic! MY POWERS HAVE GROWN!!!

(Literally, I love this moment so much. It’s supposed to help the readers move away from horror and to action! And it works!! Translation silliness! I’m glad you share my gigglessss)

(such a curious lil guy, most wouldve hightailed it out of there already instead of going, hmm 🤔why's that alien behemoth over there beating up a rock for? sksk)

PLEASE like any Donatello wouldn’t question the absurdity.

He wasn’t going to go say HI- he was just gonna peek a lil’

😭😭😭 just by this alone I know I'm not walking out of this unscathed. Brotherly love is going to end me I can feel it

Okay, NOW, he’s gonna go say hi

The kindest boi my sweet purple son

On one hand: Would not any normal person think: that’s seems unnecessary it shouldn’t be happening?

On the other hand: GOODEST BOI WANNA HELP 🥺

He waves😭 he waves goodness I can picture it so clearly. Don't wave at the highly volatile threat. why is he like this?

I don’t know but I hope he never changes 😭

IS. IS. I choked on my drink when I read that. The others reactions were so vivid too LMAO. Thank u for including that, it was hilarious.

SPLATTERS this kid is HAS NO IDEA WHAT HE’S DOING and it’s MURDERING me bc he’s going to die by his own obvious dummy genius brain. This poor child

Ok ok now the fight between krang prime and Dee was awesome. Yeah it's a miracle he's still standing and yeah he got his shell handed to him twice over and he was literally about to die again BUT!

The fact that he was able to hurt prime with nothing but a blade from his broken wooden bo and his sensei's advice echoing in his head is like actually so cool. And he was so sassy doing it too!! (Channeling his inner raph huh? I see what ur doing 👁️👁️)He's got no powers or knowledge of his surroundings or anything just his intellect and quick thinking and he still got a hit! Probably his only hit in close combat w/ prime ever but still yk what I mean right?? Wooh goo Dee!!

DO you see what I’m doing because I think I knew what I was doing but I don’t remember anymore 🤣 EHHHHH struggles

IT WAS ALL THE ELEMENT OF SUPRISE (and the fact that he is used to fighting massive aliens or suited creature) AND A LOT OF LUCK. CHILD WOULD HAVE DIED IF LEON DIDN’T STEP IN, MKAY

Well. He would have died eventually. After Krang was done with him.

And this also made me realize that Donnie came back with everything except his mask. He had his phone, his gear, his bo, his grappling hook(this tool will be handy later) everything except his mask. The one thing that sets him apart from his brothers. That represents who he is besides his staff and big brain. Him. Donatello. Donnie. The turtle before anything else. The brother the son the friend before everything else. Before his inventions, before his skills before his sacrifices and accomplishments and failures. He is the boy who decided his favorite color was purple. Purple. That's him. That's Donnie.

WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS I’M IN PAIN RN

And it was left behind :(( Against his will. Taken u could say.

I could and I would. BAD ZA’NARON. BAD.

He quite literally and figuratively lost a piece of himself behind when he died huh? I do wonder if he'll ever get it back (but even if he did there ain't no way he'll ever be the same OUGH ur evil)

HA You better bet I am. And I ONLY GET WORSE!!! >:D

(also this fact made the part where Leon gets ticked off and denies Dee being a Donnie feel more angsty and like bitter?? I'm not sure how to describe it But i will talk more about that later lol)

*covers audience’s ears* GEE spoiler alert Splatters

You gotta let ‘em read the next chappy yk

Anyways that's all I have rn. I will come back and continue with the rest of the chs later!! Gn muah muah

I WILL BE COMING AND COMMENTING ON THE OTHERS!

NOTHING WILL STOP ME!!!!

Um can I like, ask stuff about ur au here🥺? Well its more thinking out loud and putting a magnifying glass on several moments during ur fic than asking. Cuz asking means answering and I'm not about to make u do that unless u want to(I dont wanna be the reason u unload the whole lore yk lol) (and i also didn't want to like bug u too much either with my brainworms and excitement)

ABSOLUTELY!

I would LOVE to have my AU under a magnifying glass! There are so many little things about my own AU that I go NUTS over and I would LOVE to hear what moments have caught your eye! You would NEVER bug me with your brain worms! (No one would!) I'm eager to see what about my AU is wiggling around in your brain!

And that means questions too! Ask away!

I may not answer all (or any) if it means too heavy spoilers, but I would be happy to have a chance to consider new elements that the outsiders are seeing and I am not. I love finding connections that I didn't even realize existed before that moment! Maybe I'll add in Easter eggs based on ideas that you guys have! (Maybe.)

I am seriously overthinking this fic and would love to hear any and everything from you guys! LET'S GO CRAZY!

[ton-e]

Lol ok so I didn't wanna do aesthetics so I wanna brainstorm possible scenes instead

Ok so the premise is, basically, Viktor, an aspiring kid looking to enter this straining affair of the boxing world. He's young and impressionable and he's got something to say. Something that old underground New York pubs and junior gyms don't provide enough eco for.

Barnes, a big shot star in the 80s, is pretty much known as the best of the best there, holding the impressive score of 34-1. (Tho I don't know if it can count as a victory since he wasn't even there for the fight, anyway) but after a near fatal shooting which happened right before his big championship match with Rollins, a bullet piercing his right shoulder which leads to the amputation of his limb, he dissapears into the shadows. The world moves on.

I like the idea of Barnes being trained by Mary who was in his exact same spot years ago but had to give up her career to have Anthony which she doesn't regret! Between her heart problems and the growing annoyance of public attention, a baby is practically a blessing and if it puts Jarvis and Howie to rest then it's a bonus. (I also kind of like the idea of her having only losing once and it was against Maria lol)

And maybe Viktor goes to her first but, while she does seem fond, like she's looking at an old memory twice, she refuses. "Kid, I'm gonna tell you exactly what I told my old pain in the ass when he stood in your spot: I can't."

"Why?"

"Because us Carbonells train to kill, not fight. Alright, what you think boxing is, - this cookie-cutter bullshit version you kids have today? The civilized conversation, the heavy editing, the contracts promising defenses, - that doesn't mean shit. Apollo Creed had a contract.

Muhammed Ali had a contract. So did Jimmy Doyle, Frankie Cambell, and Brad Connels. A sheet of paper can't protect you from the ring, and I'm not having another kid on my conscience. Besides, these guys? They have purpose. Whether it's money, or sport, or just to chase the high - they have it. You just want the glory."

"Yeah? So what?" So what if he wants to be seen? So what if he's doing all of this hoping to impress? So what if he has to prove he's worth someone's time. "If I die I die. Big deal."

For some reason, he wants to both cry and retaliate at the look of pity that crosses her face. "Go home, kid. You're gonna break your momma's heart." Are his last words to him before she closes the door.

In a Viktor fashion, he does the exact opposite.

He likes the street fighting, - the vibrations under his fists, the crack of his bones, the violent taste of crimson metal blossoming in his mouth, it's liberating. He doesn't think about anything. It's just him and his adversary, not an enemy, just someone seeing him as Viktor sees them. That rush could ruin a man.

It doesn't hurt he's making pocket money on the side, either. Certainly better than watching some snotty kids or mowing laws, in his book.

No, what kind of hurts is seeing the sharp scrutiny in Aleksei's sharp eye and the soft disappointment uncovering Ryurik's Dad Stare when they come pick him up from the station.

He and his mother are alike a lot in that aspect, - really he's pretty sure the five, Sasha and him have had an agreement to collectively throw themselves off a cliff if they disappointed Ryurik in some way. A broken arm, bruised ribs, and black eye? Pale in comparison to what Ryurik's power really holds.

I refuse to believe Aleksei doesn't freely parent other people's kids sksk Aleksei only stops scolding him when a police officer says ''He's going to spend the first part of his life in the streets, and the other in the grave. I put my life on it." Well a certain fashion teacher is gonna design the outfit for your funeral BITCH-

"You're so damn lucky Talusha was busy digging her medicure through someone's intestines right now. Do you even know how bad you look right now? Of the mountain of trouble you're into? Are you? Viktor Iosef Novak, you look at me when I'm talking to you, -"

"Relax, relax, take it down to a two, " Viktor pushes back a laugh watching Ryurik placate his husband bc it's just cute, and ignores the shush river of Russian pet names bc they're not for him to hear. It makes him feel vulnerable tho, that Ryurik feels the need to somehow hold Aleksei back. He can take the heat just fine.

He can take it and give it just as good, because every battle he's been into before has been on his own name. But this is harder because it was never a fight, to begin with.

Fighting is easy. Stopping is harder.

It doesn't stop feeling bad when Sasha bandages his wounds and his back doesn't cool town from the target five pair of eyes fixate on. Yasha's burn the hardest thought. "The fuck you looking at?" He playfully glares, the good part of his shoulder bumping against the other boy's, who tries to small but it lifts with a strain.

"An idiot."

"Are you looking for a mirror?"

"Fuck you, Vitya."

"Hard pass."

"Okay, Viktor you're not getting away that easy, " Ronin says, arms still bound tightly around Antoska's slender shoulders and Sasha's frail middle. Despite his easy going tone, Viktor uncovers the touch of concern underneath. "Why can't you just ask your mom to teach you? Or Papa? I mean, you want to be on a knuckle sandwich diet be my guest, but it's not really good for digestion from what I hear."

"It's not the same. Your father knows another kind of style."

'He doesn't want to learn from mom and uncle Ryurik because she's a girl,' Sasha signes irritably, eyes making an impressive tumble. 'My brother, the 14 year old, making sexist comment. What a never heard of fact.'

"I didn't say that!" He exclaims, flushed. Hissing when Natalia kicks him in the tender bruise he sports on his hip. "I just said, that I want to learn boxing! And that's not the same thing as what Ma does, or you guys do. Boxing is special. But if I can't learn from Barnes specifically, then there's no point!"

The red head huffs in indignation. "Okay, so, boo hoo, some washed-up Rocky Balboa doesn't want to train you. You have options, V. People give up over worse."

He doesn't feel like being home anymore, so he flees, the call outs to his name going ignored. in the street or just outside, he doesn't know. He just knows red follows him, that concrete shakes under the stomp of his heel and that the wetness on his cheeks freezes on his face. No one gets it, no one gets HIM. It hurts, that a part of him, the part that tells him he's worthless and insignificant and forgetful , really does think Barnes has better things to do than train him.

A sleek car, long, vintage, a touch too expensive for the streets he's haunting right now, stops beside him. He continues. It follows him, engines unusually quiet.

"Mr. Novak?" A deep voice, subdued, but persuasive nonethelesss coerces him into stopping. The windows roll down, revealing a man with a smile too friendly to be true and eyes too kind to be nondeceiving. "My name is Alexander Pierce. And I happen to have an irresistible offer."

"It's in the process of extension, " Pierce expresses later, as he leads Viktor through the underground fighting bar. Its practically a huge stadium in a molehill and his mind struggles to compute how Pierce pulled it off. "I'm looking for capable young talents to craft into tomorrow's brightest stars. I'm assuming you've heard of Rumlow before?"

"Crossbones? 23-2? Yeah, I heard. He's currently heavyweight champ, right?" Barnes should have been, he wants to say, but reading the room better he thinks against it. "I don't... Actually think I've seen him around much. Maybe since '98, but that's his most recent match. What's ... Up with that?"

"He's kept that belt around him for closer than two decades. Id say its time for some adjuments in the records, don't you agree?" He doesn't like it when Pierce smiles. Bad things happen when he smiles, of that Viktor is certain. "That being said. I think you could be our following breakthrough. What do you say? I'd love to see a performance. "

"I'd be surprised if you guys had a Juniors league." He snorts, expecting a smart retort, but all he gets is a sinister grin. All of a sudden he's in the ring, without even noticing he was moved, and before him stands a beast of a man, two heads taller and promise of pain in his eyes. "... What juice do you give this kid?"

"You're charismatic. You'll need that in this world. He's your adversary for tonight. I'd suggest an old fashioned glove bump for the sake of sport, but, seeing as you're barehanded id advise against it. "

"You can't do that, " nervousness bubbles in his throat. "That's against the rules. I can't fight like that."

"Oh! Don't worry. You don't have to fight. You just have to die."

--

The last time Rumlow sees Barnes is on a stretcher, arm bathed in blood and with the press around an ambulance.

He doesn't know what they were. Fuck buddies to almost friends to friends with benefits? He doesn't know what he had, but he knows he lost it. All he has is a sheet of paper with scratched blue ink, digits that no longer call, and some gold on leather.

"You should treat that belt with more respect. " Rollins scolds him. Rumlow uses it as feet rest next, and doesn't flinch at the sharp slap he receives. Instead, he smiles mockingly, lower lip sticking out in a tempting pout.

"Hit a bit harder next time and maybe it'll be half close to how Barnes used to do it. Just because it felt good with him doesn't mean you'll receive the same response." The pout slips into a smile that drinks into the frustration sizzling around the air. "Besides, I don't listen to cowards, Jackie. Thought we established that."

"Oh, please. Are you ever going to let that go? I ain't gonna repeat it a thousand times till you get It through that hard head of yours, but I didn't shoot your boy toy."

'' I didn't say you shot him. Pussy like yourself, I'm thinking you hired someone. Why did you do it? Hm? Were you that scared to fight him that you wanted to kill him? Hell, I don't blame you. Man sprints like Ali and serves like Creed. "

It's Jack's turn to return that grin, that fucking blood-curling grin. " Used to, for sure. Remember when he fucked up your pretty face in '84. Now? He's a street rat barely getting by, sniffing after junk and scraps just to stay alive. Must be hard to think about, I guess, that he used to give it so good and now he can't even hold you, can't he? Not with his cripple self. "

The beer can in Rumlow's hand spills over. Neither comment. "I ain't afraid of no half-man, Brocky, " Honey-sweet words make him sick. He wants to kick Jack out, but they both know he won't stay away, and that Rumlow won't keep him away. He's too dependent on him at this point. "And not stupid enough to think he's coming back."

"... You're right. You're not afraid to fight him. You've got a lot of words worth to point the finger at, but chicken shit? Ain't one of them. You know what I think?" Rumlow sits back, smirk wide and nasty, contradicting the sadness on his tongue, the venom, the tired. " I think you were afraid to be him. That he just? Didn't give a shit. Just like I did. That he could fuck me whenever and wherever he damn well pleased without giving a shit about who had something to say about it.

You were afraid I'd say something about you, even if we both damn well know that never happened, that he found out. I think you were terrified he was gonna tell the world Jack Rollins was a faggot just like his daddy."

He can't snapshot the moment his body makes contact to the floor. He doesn't count the punches either, letting them numb over his face, no longer present for the beating. At around one point, his neck snaps to the TV screen, in sync with Jack ceasing his onslaught, and his eyeballs follow his stunned gaze.

Rumlow can recall the time Barnes lost his right hand.

And he'll brain engrave the image of him kncoking some goon out with his left.

[sewcara]

stevierandle

The Outsiders Asks: This or That

1. Elvis or the Beatles?

The Beatles, I like some of their music 2. Jean or leather jackets?

Leather they look better 3. Get revenge on Johnny’s parents or bring back Ponyboy’s?

I'll get revenge on Johnny's parents because they deserve it. Johnny is a sweet soul. 4. Switchblades or heaters?

Heaters, I feel like they would be ten times better than switch blades simply because you can defend yourself at any distance lol 5. Favorite Curtis brother? 

Sodapop, I like his personality and his smile and it's just aaaaaahhh 6. Rodeos or drag races?

Drag races, just because 7. Dirty game of poker or pillow fight?

Pillow fight because I don't know how to play poker 8. Music or movies?

Music because im addicted  9. Sunrise or sunsets?

sunrise because they mean that a new chance awaits and therefore new opportunities and new chances. 10. Eat only eggs with grape jelly for four days or baloney for a week?

Baloney, because I tried eggs with grape jelly, thank you sodapop, and I almost threw up. 11. Be a Soc or greaser?

A greaser, because I rather have less materialistic things and value the true things in life, than be spoiled rotten and not understand REAL values (friends, family, love, etc.) 12. “Stay gold” or “Check out their pants!” ? 

”Check out their pants!” because two-bit is mood. 13. Coffee or chocolate milk?

Chocolate milk because coffee tastes nasty 14. Make the honor roll or drop out? 

make the honor roll because school is about taking chances and learning new things and working hard. in the end it all pays off honor roll or not. it's better than dropping out and have nothing to hope for because that's how I would feel if I dropped out. 15. Spend a week at the lot or the church? 

the lot because I can look up at the stars and talk about life with either Johnny or Pony. 16. Mustangs or Corvettes?

Corvettes, they look better 17. Bring Johnny or Dally back from the dead? 

half of each 🙌🙌 18. Cherry or Marcia? 

Marcia cause she also deserves love. 19. Jally or Johnnyboy? 

both???? 20. Chocolate cakes or hot fudge sundaes? 

chocolate cake cause they bring back good memories ngl

21. Darry or Soda’s cooking? 

Sodas cooking, I honestly have a kinda sodapop personality in a way that I'm bubbly and weird so I would probably be the one helping him sksk 22. Kill Two-Bit or kill Soda?

sorry two bit 23. Listen to Steve rant about cars or Pony rant about books? 

Pony, because I rant about books, movies and stuff like that, 24. Uncle or pride? 

pride 25. Have Darry or Dally at your defense in a rumble? 

Dally cause I want Pony to have his brother watching after him. 26. Get broken ribs or a busted hand? 

busted hand, idk y tho 27. Think or feel? 

feel, cause you can do so in such creative ways. it has the ability to make you feel amazing but at times, pain and I learn a lot through pain and it makes me stronger. 28. Have a sibling you idolize or a sibling that idolizes you? 

a sibling I idolize because I'm an older sibling and I wanna know what it is like to look up to a sibling older than me. 29. All brawn or all brain? 

All brain cause it could come in handy 30. Mickey the mouse or Mickey the horse? 

the mouse lol 31. Reading or drawing? 

drawing cause I draw all the time 32. Bob Sheldon or Tim Shepard? 

Tim, he's cool 33. Fight for fun or fight for pride?

both  34. Sit in the electric chair or get jumped? 

get jumped cause you can defend yourself and there is a lesser chance of death. if I got the electric chair I'd be bound to death 35. Have a date with Dally or with Soda?

Soda because I like his personality and seems like a good person to be with. I feel like he is the type of person that radiates great energy and it impacts anyone who is around him in such a nice way. 37. Mrs. Mathews or Mrs. Curtis? 

Mrs. Curtis 38. Soda’s dash or Two-Bit’s humor?

dash cause I already have a decent sense of humor.... I think 39. Be there for Steve or Johnny?

Johnny cause he's been through worse 40. Track or football? 

Track, I'm not ready to get tackled. 41. Evie or Sylvia? 

Evie cause she cared a lot about Steve 42. Star gazing with Pony or going to a drag race with Soda? 

drag race, sounds fun lol 43. Angela or Sandy? 

Sandy? idk lol 44. Hair: long and greased, or short and neat? 

long and greased  45. Friendships like Steve and Soda’s, or Johnny and Ponyboy’s? 

Steve and soda 46. Shepard’s Gang or the Brumly Boys? 

Shepard's gang 47. Bop-action or rumble? 

RUMBLE, Y WOULD YOU EVEN.... nvrm 48. Winess Darry dancing or Dally’s sweet side?

Dallys sweet side man 49. Cigarettes or beers?

Cigarettes  50. Buy Mickey back for Soda or get Darry a well paying job?

get Darry a well paying job so he can buy Mickey back 🙌🙌

[changji]

Here we go I’m finally continuing our convo from like,, last week LOL but anyway 4-5k for an apartment I’m HOLLERING (yes i did it so you’d laugh) I’ve never lived in an apartment before but I’m pretty sure that’s really expensive for one sksks. Also personal chromebooks? My school literally can’t relate we share them with the rest of the students in the school. Tbh I don’t remember much from twilight so I’ll agree w you so that we don’t fight 🥺🥺

I normally go ham when I’m in a pool,, like I’ll start off w my hair up bc I don’t wanna get it wet but when I leave the pool everywhere is soaked. I haven’t played chicken in years?? Oml last time I played I was on my cousins shoulders and I was Puny. Haha most ppl are like “it can’t be that cold here right” and I’m “oh no it gets COLD” which I hate (but it’s colder in the territories so I’m thankful for where I’m at)

I’d rather it be hotter than colder bc at least there’s ac. I mean there’s heat but at least I can still walk outside without snow and ice everywhere. Don’t even get me started on freezing rain and winter tires and shovelling snow and OEUFIHD as you can see I hate the winter here. Tim hortons is so good I literally inhale iced capps 24/7. They’re pretty much blended frozen coffee but it tastes a lot better than it sounds!! I like to think of it as the Canadian pride and joy

I’ve actually never had timmies canned coffee… i’ve had the keurig pods things but they don’t taste as good as getting them from an actual timmies. But hey you never know maybe we will drink from ice bergs one day LOL. I’ll never back out from being your soulmate we’re literally meant To Be 😤😤 iced blonde vanilla lattes are so Good I’d probably inhale them as much as I do with iced capps if they weren’t so expensive

I didn’t even know that milk was a good portion of the drink,, when I saw a starbucks barista fill my cup with 80% milk I was like “hold up what” Your smoothies must be really good if your family specifically wake you up so that you can make them some hhh baker arella? More like smoothie expert arella. i usually make smoothies with whatever works and is in my fridge, but mango will always have my heart

People who eat pancakes plain should be banned from the world that’s disgusting,, you’re literally eating cooked flour,,,,,, I actually haven’t had waffles in 4 years oopsFrench is a mandatory course in grade 9 where I live but then after that you can choose if you wanna continue it or not. ASL classes seem so cool, I would totally take it if it were an option here. German & Japanese seem so hard; I look at the words and here ppl speaking it and I’m like ??? woah okay what’s happening

I’m terrible at English too, but then again I suck at every language? Is that even possible?? Jisung’s literally talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show stopping, spectacular skskdkf I am a Chan stan but Jisung wrecks me SO hard I can’t with this man. Pls don’t hurt my head too much with the fic I only have one braincell left bit ilyt 🥺 now I wanna try peet’s but I’m probably not going to the US for a hot minute 😔😔

(AJSDHJF I HIT THE LIMIT OF ASKS IM CRYINF) I saw what happened with ur Jisung drawing and I feel your frustration?? I was drawing a photo for an English presentation on photoshop and instead of closing my reference photo tab I closed the drawing (and i didn’t save it beforehand) so I lost the entire thing. Just thinking about it again makes me So Mad like,, how dumb can I be I literally can’t believe I did that!!

School sucks the life outta me I’m dreading going back and school starts in a little over a month? Fav vampire fic PLS I’m honoured. We fr out here as coffee soulmates look at us go 🤧👊

-

it’s so expensive like. whomst. I LOVE IT WHEN PPL SAY HOLLERING ITS SO FUNNY (ur so cute ily). living in an apartment is just Constant Stress esp bc i always accidentally slam a door open and make a hole in the wall and we have to pay but like i never learn LOL. the chrome books suck tho 😪 i would never fight w u LOL but i love twilight hhhh

today i just learned what “go ham” means like. i never knew. idk if i’m uncultured or ur weird (BUT ACCORDING TO CHAN WEIRS IS GOOD AND HES RIGHT.) i hate swimming sksks i burn easily and im Not here for it. i see why u would prefer the heat esp w snow, but i don’t have snow so i like winter LOL. i feel like i would die if i had to shovel snow like. i tried gardening and i gave up in .2 seconds. it was tough.

ooh an ice capp is like a frappuccino? i used to love them but they became too sweet. i believe in lattes and lattes only. keurig never tastes as good as the OG, i’ve had starbucks, dunkins, and peet’s keurig cups but it’ll never live up 😪 u r my soulmate and i snatched u, u can’t leave even if u wanted. period. LATTES ARE EXPENSIVE like. i pay $6.70 or smth like that bc of the vanilla flavoring and the extra shots. makes me wanna yeet myself off a bridge but there aren’t lattes in hell.

RIGHT omg the first time i saw them make it i was like. where r u giving me a cup of MILK but it tastes good so it’s okay. my stomach has not been cooperating and hurts whenever i get normal milk so i have to ask for almond and pay an extra 25 cents. like damn i $7 for a cup of coffee. but it’s okay it’s still good 🤧

& SMOOTHIE MASTER ARELLA HHHH my family is also Lazy like. it’s not hard to make a smoothie u FOOLS but i mean ig. they’ll just be hoes and force me to make them 😤 but it’s fine bc when i make the smoothies i’m let off of washing dishes 🤪

if u eat a pancake plain ur wrong on so many levels. it’s so painful to see. like. WHY. and cooked flour,,,, ada ur so funny omg waffles are so good like. it’s crispy but pancakes get soggy and it’s Gross. not here for it

i suck @ all languages too like grammar who? i only know keyboard smashes and incoherent screams. jisung is amazing and i love him w my whole soul. he’s such a good wrecker like whY are u so perfect?? i was bin biased but jisung came and made me double biased 🤧 i’m unloyal.

i don’t believe in no brain cells i believe in broken hearts and that’s what this fic is going for. angst angst and angst. i’ll send u peet’s and u send me tim hortons i look forward to gross and melted coffee 🤪

WLSKKSSK TUMBLR RLY OUT HERE UR SO CUTE AHHH i screamed for a good 5 minutes. i’m still upset. like. why did i do this to myself arella u big dumb. omg and did u save urself for the presentation? it’s worse for u bc like. it’s for school 😔 we can be dumb hoes together it’s okay

OVER A MONTH WHEN DO U START i have 2 weeks and a half. 3 weeks? i start on a thursday which is weird but Go Off. i’m gonna drop a class i’m not up for 7 classes esp w an AP and 3 honors 🤧 why did i take those classes i’m actually an idiot hhhhh

i stan ada and ada only (jk binsung but yk what they don’t count) stan TALENT my coffee soulmate ily

[darlingbudsofrae]

**Remember when I said I don’t really have a lot on my drafts? Yeah LOL here we are (this has lowkey been stuck on my drafts for i dunno know how long sksks)

Did I ever greet you happy birthday on one of the two other posts? Look at us having three separate conversations- I’m proud LMAO belated happy birthday hubbyyyyy (now im craving for sum pasta sksks)

We are total goals LMAO

Wait what- but who would I cry over Asheji with?? T^T my friend was mean, she recommended reading the manga after the anime and I am just so broken maybe we’ll be ghost buddies 

That is such a weird coincidence because I also have fear of deep waters! Altho I don’t think it qualifies as thalassophobia cuz it’s this stuff where I’m okay in the waters but right after I literally can’t sleep. For days. My ADHD mind just keeps imagining the bed as the ocean and it’s just bad- beaches aren’t really my thing LOL

I went thru the same withdrawal LMAO there aren’t really a lot of DaiHaru fics out there, I settled for the fanarts instead sksks is it bad that I’m rewatching the SK8 dub for like the 1234 time? I’m blaming this to you, BTW LOL jk altho now I do want to start TGCF cuz you say it’s funny, sad, and adorable and I love funny, sad, and adorable LOL (and also gay- gay god and gay demon yes)

I’m reading this isekai novel tho rn actually, it’s about this girl who got transported into a romance novel but instead of getting her lame HEA with a guy, someone hijacked the story so instead she gets to fight zombies with a bunch of girl classmates/extras and it is just so fun! 

Wait- was that the first episode? LMAO me too, with that card- I can buy all the books in the world I want. In hardbacks. Also I can lowkey buy every Haikyuu varsity uniform out there, I only have Fukorodani’s cuz I was contemplating on Aoba Josai’s but Akaashi was just too pretty I had to-

I knowwwww- he looks so tamed and cute and even if he can buy his ass out of every situation, I still want to protect him at all costs grrr

I usually see them on Pinterest and Tumblr (which is why I often go here sometimes LOL) but I did used to read from illegal websites but most of the stuff there were too explicit altho now I use J-comi cuz I’m trying to learn Japanese LOL

I haven’t actually checked out any fanfics yet, surprisingly- I’m actually on a Haikyuu binge in terms of fanfics sksks I’ll have that bookmarked!

Your word is law and valid of course I’ll listen LMAO I think the last time I saw a dubbed anime I think was Ouran Host High School Club 

I’m also trying to finish RTC because I have the spin off series ahhh also I recently finished the second book and Ronan is literally Andrew on a different font ahhh (altho I do like Andrew better? but also I really like Ronan)

It’s part of a series, and I thought I should finish it all since I already invested way too much time and money on it (and this is why we don’t bulk on series LMAO) it was soooo bad like I can’t even-

I miss RWRB- the adaptation would probably come and wreck me (hopefully, it doesn’t have limited budget cuz it needs to be GRAND cuz) yes yes it is sooooo good (altho all my friends who read it for RWRB surprisingly didn’t like it LOL altho I am still dazed)

LMAO not sure if I asked, but have you read the light novel? I heard that it was weird and far from the anime so I didn’t really bothered LOL

Oh wow, I don’t really catch up on him that much outside books (except for the rare occasions of seeing his posts about calling homophobic parents off) I didn’t know he said all that stuff! Frankly, I don’t really subscribe to the idea of authors adding “canon” stuff outside of the books (I learned that lesson the easy way from she who shall not be named and is also a massive TERF), I think the text within the books should be able to support the characters and all that, although it’s fun reading stuff like that every now and then (the only ec I actually read from Nora was Allison’s joining the foxes and it was awesome). The things RR added tho, that’s kind of messed up eek :/ 

I slugged thru TOA just so I can say I completed the Riordanverse so you’re doing fine LMAO YES MALEX IS JUST-

I OPEN MY LAPTOP EVERY SINGLE DAY BEFORE OL CLASS FEELING AS VALIDATED AS EVER 

WHO DOESN’T LOVE BOKUTO? I WILL FIGHT ALSO EVERYTIME I WATCH HAIKYUU I JUST REALLY WANT KENMA TO BE HAPPY LOL

You are- I still can’t convince him to read AFTG LMAO 

I think it’s my connection but it won’t play T^T I’ll try to watch it later again LOL srsly tho, you sharing golden contents like this is such a blessing <333 like I don’t use TikTok so I usually miss out on gems like this unless it’s posted on another site I use or sum LOL I’m glad we’re married sksks

I’m pretty sure you’ve eaten your pasta days by now but happy eating LMAO

(and happy reading~)

ILY too, wishing you kinder days <333

YES HARU!! HE’S JUST CUTE NO MATTER WHAT HE DOES LOL 

I just love their dynamic so much

I also lowkey almost forgot about that guy LMAO

The Foxes as Haikyuu!! Characters

Because both series are gay af and I love them (also, this actually started out as a Karasuno-Foxes thing but like 70% of them got Tsukki and so I expanded)

#1. DAN WILDS - Daichi Sawamura (Karasuno)

I mean, it’s kind of obvious. 

They’re both captains (also their numbers are both number 1)

Dan is passionate and gets the team to get their shit together. She’s the first female captain in NCAA Class I Exy in history and got a lot of shit for it because that’s just a given in being in a team such as the foxes. 

She fought tooth and nail for that team, and believed in it when everyone thought they were nothing but lost causes.

Daichi is also the captain of a team no one else believes in. Karasuno is often referred to as “the flightless birds” or “the fallen champions”. 

Despite that, Daichi tried to whip the team together and is very much passionate about the team, regardless of anyone who told him they’re never going to make it.

#2. KEVIN DAY - Oikawa Tooru (Aoba Josai)

Kevin is actually pretty tricky because I have three other characters perfect for him.

But I settled for Oikawa because you can never go wrong with Oikawa.

Anyway, Kevin is an exy superstar and pretty much has fangirls going on for him, which is also the same case as Oikawa who’s also kind of a star (?) who was sought by different schools for his genius in volleyball.

Not to mention, Oikawa has a crazy flock of fangirls and gets interviewed almost every time whether their team wins or lose.

Also, it’s pretty funny because while Kevin is this great son of exy, the foxes mostly snaps at him and tells him to shut up a lot. 

That’s pretty much the case with Oikawa and Aoba Josai. 

Also, you can never not love Oikawa Tooru, just like how you can’t hate on Kevin Day. If you do, you’re wrong and we have some talking to do.

#3. ANDREW MINYARD - Kenma Kozume (Nekoma)

I actually have a lot of options for Andrew. If Kevin had three, Andrew surprisingly had freaking six. I definitely did not expect that.

But I’m sticking with Kenma for obvious reasons.

Andrew is great at Exy. Without effort? He plays well. With effort? He’s god-like. He’s just that talented it’s insane and infuriating.

Kenma is the same- his performance just increases depending on the effort he pulls.

Plus, like how Andrew doesn’t “care” for exy, Kenma doesn’t “care” about volleyball.

Kenma is cat-like, if that makes sense. Andrew reminds me of a cat.

They’re both smol and adorable beans.

Also, they both hate human interaction 

Plus they’re both fascinated with gingers who are obsessed with sports they don’t care about way too much (Hinata for Kenma, and Neil for Andrew (I mean, who else is there??))

#4. MATT BOYD - Koshi Sugawara (Karasuno)

I can’t really see Matt as anyone else, really.

They both have that nurturing nature within them.

Like they’re the gentlest. Enough said.

BUT they can also be playful (?) like with Suga letting Hinata off with his crazy antics and Matt totally spoiling Neil.

Plus, Sugamama and Sawapapa = Matt and Dan

#5. AARON MINYARD - Osamu Miya (Inarizaki)

I was actually reminded of Osamu when I was reading Twinyards on AFTG.

I mean, Aaron is considered the “normal” twin. 

Same with Osamu.

Because their twins gets more attention, they’re kind of not appreciated enough (?)

Like Aaron is hella smart and he can play good.

I mean he’s majoring in biochem (I took a subject on that one once and the exams were literally the definition of pain and agony- never again) and assumably passing while playing exy- that is amazing.

I believe in Aaron Minyard supremacy.

Osamu is a great player and is pretty smart on his own but Atsumu is known as Japan’s best high school setter so that kinda gets all the spotlight.

What I mean to say is that they are both the “normal” twins.

And they’re underappreciated a lot.

Also both would lowkey kill for their twin brothers even if they act/show that they hate said twin brothers.

I mean, Aaron literally killed for Andrew and while there was no killing that took place in DIECHI Haikyuu!!, I’m pretty sure Osamu would totally do the same for Atsumu.

#6. SETH GORDON - Suguru Daisho (Nohebi)

Both Suguru and Seth are actually capable players.

But they have very crude personality and say the lousiest things.

Although Seth didn’t had that redemption Suguru did (because he dead) (but I mean, did Suguru even got a redemption arc? He was still lousy but more controlled in the end, tamed excellently by his girlfriend).

They’re both not really bad guys. Just have some issues here and there but not so bad that a little character redemption arc can’t fix (except Seth is dead and unless we’re adding fantasy and paranormal to the mix, we’re not getting any of that obvi)

I don’t know what else to say but both these guys only appeared like 30% of the series.

#7. ALLISON REYNOLDS - Rintaro Suna (Inarizaki)

I had a hard time trying to fit Allison into anyone. She’s too gorgeous and amazing, okay?

But I decided on Suna cuz he fine.

They’re both fine players who also gossip and pretty much know anything about anyone.

Also, they both have good instincts and intuitions.

Not to mention they’re just both very pretty and I’m a total sap for them.

#8. NICKY HEMMICK - Taketora Yamamoto (Nekoma)

You’d argue Tanaka but Nicky totally gives Taketora energy.

They’re both major simps.

No that’s it, JK I’m messing.

Anyway, they’re also both very honest and friendly.

And while they don’t play as well as the other members of the team, they can take a stand and are willing to learn.

Plus they have the tendency to take anyone in, no questions asked.

#9. RENEE WALKER - Asahi Azumane (Karasuno)

If Renee is a goddamn angel then Asahi is freaking Jesus.

They’re just the kindest characters in the series okay? No questions asked.

Like no one can hate them.

Asahi also gets mistaken as a bad person when really he is a good person just because he’s big and looks kind of scary.

But Renee, often looked upon as a good person, is an ex-gangster who found religion. This girl can kill and people often overlook that.

She’s a bad person trying to be a good person (that line’s going to my grave)

They just parallel okayy

#10. NEIL JOSTEN - Hinata Shoto (Karasuno)

Neil is the most difficult to fit into, really.

It took me like in a middle of typing for another character when I realized how stupid I was to not think of him as Hinata.

Because Neil is obviously Hinata.

For one, they’re both smol gingers.

But also their passion for their respective sports is massive that it borderline crosses stupidity.

I mean Aaron whacked someone dead with Neil’s racket and all Neil was thinking was if he could have said racket back.

And Hinata is obsessed with volleyball. Like Haikyuu!! wouldn’t even exist if Hinata wasn’t so obsessed of it and just listened to everyone that he’s too smol to play.

Like how there wouldn’t be AFTG if Neil listened to his mother and ignored his obsession with exy.

They tend to be so passionate that most of the times they ignore logic because it’s their sport, okay? It’s their world.

Also, Hinata tends to gravitate anyone towards him. Like every single character he meets tend to adore him and take him under their wing and just care for him.

He’s a pocketful of sunshine.

Now, Neil might not be a ray of sunshine but he does tend to have the same effect.

Everyone feels the need to protect this boy and if you don’t, there’s something wrong with you. I’m sorry, I don’t make the rules.

They’re just precious and deserves to be protected and loved for at all costs.

Plus, they’re both sassy af.