#this also shows that no matter how good think you are at masking neurotypicals will smell your weirdness

[quimble]

Random Headcanons for the Main Peeps and Lodgers :)

Have I done one of these yet...?

Anyways, yeah these are just my headcanons that I enjoy thinking about, but in no way have to be canon or relate to canon :)

Henry - Autistic, but pretty good at masking in situations when it's necessary, such as dinner parties and dances. - Also didn't have the best childhood. He was looked after, had all he needed, sure, but he wasn't usually indulged in his science and his enjoyment, save from going to those Frankenstein plays. - Probably why he got sent to a university in England when he came from Scotland. - Does stim. Really feels good when he stims, but often doesn't because of his status. Robert has made it known that he really doesn't care if Henry stims around him and in fact finds it rather sweet. - Henry's still working on feeling comfortable doing it, but every now and then his hands will start to flap in his office. - Has quiet days where he just.. doesn't want to talk. Usually the days he'll hole himself up in his office, so they don't get noticed. - Prone to headaches from light, why he keeps his curtains closed - Will fall asleep/relax with fingers running through his hair

Hyde - Stims far more visibly, especially in front of Rachel - Is still prone to overloads, but shoves through them because there are more fun things to do - Very much catlike - Will also relax if someone strokes his hair - Struggles to fall asleep because he's never really needed too? - Grins with his teeth on show, thinks it looks intimidating but Rachel finds it endearing and slightly goofy.

Robert - Had a pretty terrible childhood, first proper friend who saw him for him, was Henry - Neurotypical - Struggles with germs and contamination, Henry brings round stuff to clean, like gloves and hand sanitiser - Recognises a lot of Henry's overwhelmed reactions, even when he's trying to hide them - Has learnt from Utterson and just general practise how to help with them, when Henry allows him to - Just bringing Henry to a quiet room, covering him in a blanket, offering a hug if that isn't going to be too much of a sensory thing

Jasper - Struggles with Auditory overload because of his better senses - And most kinds of overloads actually- - Knows how to make sausages from scratch and will often help Rachel in the kitchen with the meat

Bird + Archer - In a QPR with each other - Bird being Finnish, so struggles in the warm summers of England and is still adjusting to the temperature, even now. - They both enjoy snuggling together, but also have their own beds in their room. Well, Bird has a bed, Archer has a hammock. - Bird cannot get in the hammock, he always falls out, no matter how much he tries. - Bird had problems with his self image and weight growing up and still as he joined the society - Archer was homeless upon coming into London, so he was worryingly underweight and malnourished - They helped one another out, Bird giving Archer snacks from the plants he grows, Archer's excitement to finally be able to gain weight, and maybe a little muscle, and not look so brittle helping readjust Bird's image of himself. - In the beginning of their friendship, they fought and argued a lot, both adjusting to the new place - They still jokingly tease each other because it's fun - Archer can box

Sinnett - ADHD - Can also do metalwork - I always loved the idea of him having a supportive family? So him having a brother who's a fisherman and has one of Sinnett's handmade lamps at the front of his ship to keep it going in storms - Sinnett's brother completely accepting his Sinnett's ADHD and stuff and adapting to help him - Sending back any scrap metal he finds for Sinnett to play around with - His brother gets married and ends up having a daughter who Sinnett loves to bits - Gets a little nervous as the daughter starts showing signs of ADHD herself, but his brother reassures him that "If she's anything like you, she's going to be spectacular."

[frat-now]

Understanding the What, Why and How of Autism Masking

What is Autism Masking?

Autism masking, also called autism camouflaging or autism neurodivergent masking, describes the conscious or subconscious effort by autistic people to suppress their autistic traits and behaviors to appear neurotypical i.e. non-autistic.

Autism masking is a coping mechanism used by individuals with autism to hide their autism symptoms to either fit into or better navigate social situations.

What Does Autism Masking Look Like?

Imagine you’re playing dress-up. You put on a costume, maybe a superhero cape or a pirate hat, to fit in with the game. That is kind of what “masking” is in autism. Some autistic people act differently in social situations than they do naturally, like wearing a “social costume” to fit in.

But underneath that costume are their autistic traits, their unique way of thinking and experiencing the world. It’s like their superpowers! This table shows some differences between these “superpowers” and the “costume” some people choose to wear:

Remember, not every autistic individual wears a costume all the time, and the costume can look different for each person. The most important thing is to be kind and understanding of everyone, no matter what “costume” they wear!

Why Do Autistic People Mask?

Imagine living in a world where your natural way of interacting, processing information, and experiencing joy makes you stand out. Imagine the subtle (and sometimes not-so-subtle) cues that tell you you’re “different,” that your unique perspective isn’t always welcome. This, unfortunately, is the reality for many autistic individuals who engage in masking, a complex phenomenon where they adapt their behavior to conform to social expectations.

The core driver behind masking lies in the universal human desire for belonging and acceptance. We are innately wired to connect with others, and rejection stings deeply. Autistic individuals, unfortunately, often face social rejection due to their neurodivergent traits. Stimming behaviors, sensory sensitivities, and even blunt honesty can be misconstrued as “weird” or “inappropriate” by neurotypical individuals, leading to ostracism and bullying. To navigate this challenging social landscape, many autistic individuals choose to mask their natural behaviors.

Understanding why autistic people mask is crucial for building a more inclusive and accepting world. By recognizing the inherent desire for connection and the challenges faced due to neurodivergence, we can create spaces where autistic individuals feel safe to express themselves authentically, without fear of rejection or judgment.

Is Autistic Masking Good?

It’s crucial to remember that masking is not a choice but a coping mechanism. While masking can offer some short-term relief from social anxieties, it comes at a significant cost.

Mental Health Impact: Masking can be mentally and emotionally draining, leading to anxiety, depression, and burnout. Suppressing one’s authentic self for extended periods can take a toll on self-esteem and well-being.

On Stress & Anxiety: The 2019 study on Understanding the Reasons, Contexts and Costs of Camouflaging for Autistic Adults[1] revealed higher stress and anxiety in people who masked autistic traits frequently compared to those who masked less often.

On Depression: In 2018, research (Experiences of Autism Acceptance and Mental Health in Autistic Adults)[2] revealed that autistic adults who masked their traits more often were more likely to experience depression and feel socially ostracized.

Exhaustion: A 2016 NIH study[3] found that autistic women who masked their traits to conform to neurotypical expectations reported feeling exhausted by the constant effort.

Loss of Identity: Masking can create a disconnect between an individual’s true self and the persona they present to the world. This can lead to feelings of inauthenticity and confusion about one’s identity.

Limited Potential: Masking can prevent autistic individuals from fully expressing their unique strengths and talents. By hiding their true selves, they may miss opportunities to connect with others who share their interests and perspectives.

Perpetuating Stereotypes: Masking reinforces the idea that there is only one “right” way to be social, further marginalizing autistic individuals and their unique experiences.

[torque-witch]

I need to be sleeping but I’m still annoyed from today’s work experience. And yesterday’s.

Imagine you wake up and you’ve been without a work schedule for a week but you’re still expected to come into work, you wake up and are texted an address, expected time and a list that just says “napkins, forks, cups” and then the customer complains that “she just showed up and said she was there to deliver this order but there were no sterno, warming trays, serving utensils and she didn’t introduce herself!”

As if you were only greeted by the maintenance team and not the customer. As if you followed everything to the letter with the only information you were given.

No, I wasn’t in trouble at all but I am still annoyed that my boss reminded me to “be nice” as if she had no idea the situation I walked into. In which I was literally immediately bombarded with the maintenance team hitting on me and giving me his number while I was trying to work and figure out wherever the fuck I was supposed to go. And the customer disappearing and reappearing and me just assuming they were also a caterer bc they had no idea where anything was either.

Among other things, but I digress.

I really can’t with the neurotypicals thinking giving an autistic person (or any employee for that matter) virtually no instruction into an unfamiliar situation would allow them to be comfortably personable. I didn’t even have a contact number for the customer. Didn’t know what their names were. I was just given an address and food.

Hello????? Just give me something I can work with so I can properly prepare how to mask and communicate properly.

Normally this is fine and doable but sorry. Don’t expect me to be a good employee if I’m not given good instructions. Not my fault and I don’t give a crap. Neither does my boss, but that’s literally the problem.

[lady-laureline]

I want to get to the bottom of neurodivergent burnout. I feel like there are a lot of people that have no context to take it seriously in, so they don't.

As with a lot of these posts, writing this is my way of ironing out my own understanding - take it with a grain of salt, I'm not a professional. I've tried to keep it general but as I'm speaking from a late-diagnosed audhd experience, it will lean in that direction.

Also, depending on how much you relate, this may warrant a mental health trigger warning? There's self-talk that isn't very kind.

×××

The precursor to burnout is survival mode: a state in which the body doesn't allow itself to fully enter a state of rest, as it is perceived to be "unsafe" by the nervous system. Neurodivergent symptoms aren't always a cause for stress in and of themselves, but people displaying them quickly learn that symptomatic behaviour rubs others the wrong way, even if they lack the intuition to see why.

☁️ People don't like the way I behave.

×

This is compounded by miscommunication.

Say a divergent child says something that sounds neutral to them, but rude to everyone else. They might get reprimanded for hurting someone's feelings, but they don't see how what they said was hurtful. Say this child's requests for an explanation are seen as insolence instead of curiosity.

The adults might come away thinking the child needs more discipline. The child might come away knowing they did something wrong, but unsure as to what that was or how to avoid it in the future.

☁️ I can't trust myself to say good things, even if my intentions are good. If I say a bad thing, it's my fault even if I don't know why it's bad.

×

The more these situations crop up, the more the emotional takeaway morphs into low self-esteem and constant vigilance (to catch mistakes before they happen). As the child grows older and responsibilities increase, they are also faced with a more nuanced picture of society that they're already lagging behind - demanding more nuanced masking, which is already a separate workload - on top of battling those good old sensory issues.

To those who don't know what the fuss is about: you know when you have a fever and your skin is super sensitive? If you separate the tingliness from the discomfort, and then apply that discomfort to the rest of your senses, you'll get a pretty good idea of what sensory overwhelm is like. We don't all experience this the same way (for example, I'm generally fine with food textures but really sensitive to noise) or with the same frequency, but it tends to be both unpleasant and consistent.

These additional energy drains inevitably lead to feeling the effects of hard work without anywhere near the same results of our peers. The easiest explanation, and the assumption most uninformed make, is one of personal shortcomings. Laziness. Selfishness. A "bad attitude".

☁️ No matter how hard I try, it is not enough. I haven't earned my pain. I haven't earned my rest.

×

It's a frustrating experience, and all those feelings need to go somewhere. We learn skills such as silent crying to hide our "overreactions"; we use our anxiety as a driving force for productivity. Many disabled people have the dissociative method down pat. And then there's the assertive emotions.

Displaying anger out of bounds of the neurotypical context is a whole other kettle of fish. When the nervous system is cortisol city, things will boil over eventually. Any witness is likely to be unaware of the extent of the stressors that led up to this outburst, so it can seem to happen out of the blue. Plus, if the inciting incident appears insignificant to the onlooker, they'll probably think it's all a bit childish.

Say what you will about neurospicy social skills but we have a killer radar for cringe. Raise your hand if you smush down irritation on the regular. Better yet, raise your hand if you "never get angry".

☁️ My frustration is misplaced and out of proportion. If I show it, I lose the respect of people I care about.

×

Maybe we've been afraid to feel what we feel our whole lives, but there comes a point where something's got to give. We might even be making a conscious effort to get in touch with our emotions after years and years of ripping them down and sealing them away. It's a Pandora's box situation: once the seal is broken, there's no getting the horrors back inside.

That's usually the beginning of what is widely recognised as burnout. There is so much to sort through, life effectively gets put on hold, at least for those of us lucky enough not to crash and burn the moment we let go of the wheel.

Recovery isn't a matter of a little vacation time: it can take months or years, and it may not look like work but it very much is. The trauma runs deep and we have no choice but to get to the bottom of the trench if we don't want to be stuck in a permanent state of exhaustion. It can be isolating as there's not a lot of energy left for much else - overextend and your body will slap you back in line so fast your head will spin. And no, you do not get to choose what overextending yourself entails.

To anyone actually going through this, try not to keep yourself in check, at least when you're alone. Your psyche does not want to pretend anymore. Pretending has repercussions now.

×

It may come as a surprise that a lot of people don't take kindly to healing. A person in burnout recovery is (by necessity) less accessible, more self-centered, taking up more space and drawing new boundaries. Unmasking may reveal a person your friends don't understand like the contorted version of yourself they got to know. Furthermore - change, when seen as a threat, can cause people to lash out.

☁️ Healing is a punishable offense. It hurts those around me. They don't want me as I am, but they don't want me to change, either.

One of the things I've had difficulty accepting is that there are good, caring people in my life that don't deserve an explanation of what I'm going through. They might have a space in their hearts for the person they think that I am, but the capacity to truly get to know me isn't there, at least yet.

Once I'd been burned enough times, I made a decision to settle for nothing less than sincere interest as a prerequisite for any attempt to make myself understood. From there, it wasn't not far to the bittersweet realisation that the only person's permission I need to grow is my own.

×

I'm not sure how to wrap this up, which might mean future edits (there are always more edits), but the thought is complete enough to post.

I suppose there is no end to becoming one's own person, and even though the line between recovery and living can be blurry a lot of the time, existing with purpose is a decision each of us has to make.

I'm sending a telepathic hug to anyone who needs one right now. Take care of yourselves.

×××

The self-talk of some weird kid:

"People don't like the way I behave. I can't trust myself to say good things, even if my intentions are good. If I say a bad thing, it's my fault even if I don't know why it's bad. No matter how hard I try, it is not enough. I haven't earned my pain. I haven't earned my rest. My frustration is misplaced and out of proportion. If I show it, I lose the respect of people I care about. Healing is a punishable offense. It hurts those around me. They don't want me as I am, but they don't want me to change, either."

(I've included this depressing subconscious narrative because I think it's important to show how little unresolved rejections add up over time. One can put on a dazzling performance to meet social demands while believing all of that, and we desperately need community support that is informed and equipped to help them pick up the pieces once the show falls apart.)

[feybeasts]

Look, it's late and I don't know what it is I can say or if I should say anything at all, but it's one of those nights where I feel like there's a lot swimming in my head and mucking up the whole show so...

I want to say thank you. For accepting me as I am, warts and all.

(Woe, lengthy rambling on my history to follow)

Look, I'm not part of some like- magical old internet old guard. I haven't been doing- or rather- sharing- art for that long. I really only started out a couple years ago, and before that all I really did were doodles, class assignments before I stopped doing any sort of art for a few years when I lost a close family member. Before I really started... getting into the furry scene, being open with who I was and who I am, I was a confused, scared little people-pleaser who would bend over backwards to please folks, to feel like I was part of something not by my own merits, but by virtue of having people to fill the silence- no matter who they were.

Can't tell you how often that hurt me- not a way of living I'd recommend anyone.

Anywho. On a whim, I started doing art again a couple years back, when I first started posting to twitter, and it was through that I started to become a part of the community, as it were- I wrote, then I drew, and I kept drawing. Kink stuff, mostly, because well, that was what I wanted to draw. But I found a community, friends, people who liked me not just because I gave them something, but because I was being myself, a person who, yeah, was a niche member of a niche group in the wide world of internet subcultures, but these were folks who saw me, the unvarnished, not-putting-on-an-act-for-once me and they... liked them.

This was also around the time I really started to address some ooooold traumas through therapy, so needless to say, it was a hell of a time. Anyways.

I can't really describe how much... just, learning I did these last few years. Learning who I was, learning what made me tick. Coming to terms with being ace and that being acceptable, then with being nonbinary, what definition of "me" felt comfortable, felt right when for so long I had neglected even... having a sense of self, hating the idea of thinking about "me" and not my characters or my stories. And all through it, I had friends who were there for me, who didn't simply tolerate, but encouraged through thick and through thin- through them, I learned that the best possible me I can really present to the world is just... me as I am. All my strange contradictions, all my weird little quirks, all my arcane trivia and hungry world-building and little fantasies and dreams and just... all of it.

Goodness knows I'm not perfect. I'm someone who frequently speaks without thinking, acts without speaking, who only sorta grasps decorum and how to at least present a... veneer? of neurotypicality (is that a word? I think it's a word?)- I'm sometimes blunt to a fault, sarcastic to a greater one, and I have a pretty low tolerance for things that emotionally exhaust me- I also don't know or really care to organize a blog so, y'know, my bad there.

But I hope y'all understand that I present myself as I am, as a person who spouts frequent 1 am non sequiturs, a person often hyper-focused on weird little niches, as a kink artist who frequently isn't, simply because... that's the only way I know how to present myself anymore. This is my truth, and to live any other way is just... baffling to me. I know people will do things in some ways, will cut the more... saucy...? elements out of their main account to spirit away on some sideblog, but I present everything as part of one big, messy whole not because I'm trying to deviously foist my interests on others, or... I dunno, deceive people- but because I don't want to live with a mask, pretend I'm something I'm not.

I tag art that isn't to everyone's tastes as best I can, try to respect folks' own comforts and not... muddy the waters(?) so to speak, because I'm fully aware that not everything I do is for a general audience. Hell, it's a big part of why I don't take requests or anything like that, and only depict my own OCs- I know what it's like to be forced into uncomfortable positions by someone not respecting my boundaries, and I think I'd be mortified if I did that!

And sure, part of me wants to justify how I interact with kink art- that I feel it's an avenue to explore my own wants, my own body goals, my own comfort, that, as someone not really... comfortable with a lot of physical affection it's a pretty personal exploration at that, but... at the same time I feel like- well, I leave people alone, why would I need to justify what I choose to share on my own blog? Hell, if you're looking for saucy, I'm sorry to say my art ain't it! I wouldn't know "sexually charged" if it hit me with a fish!

But I think that's broadly beside the point. I guess all this is to say... I'm acutely aware and frequently self-conscious about where I sit in the wider world, that someone out there might get the wrong idea, that I'm interested in anything but continuing to explore my own, odd little brain as I've been doing these past few years with the encouragement of some amazing friends, but broadly speaking, Tumblr and the community here have been awfully welcoming and kind, and I'm just... grateful for that.

I know the internet as a whole can be a really ugly place, an increasingly-corporate algorithmic hellhole, so when there's small bits of good in it, genuinely kind people out there, I feel like I gotta point to it and go "oh hell yes, more of this please!"

So... I'm gonna do that. Thank you all for being the strange, wonderful community you are <3

[doctordonovan]

❝     the societal expectations about how love should be displayed vs maeve’s undeniable but so very different ways of expressing it and all the friction that must have caused earlier in her life    ❞    aka a rant about maeve’s autism   &&  how she shows affection

maeve was in foster care for the first chunk of her life  -   given up by birth mother before she was even one,  not taken in by the donovans until 5 ½-ish   (  and,  not fully adopted until 7   ).    it’s been a long time since I wrote about it but on this blog maeve is and always has been autistic:  and whilst she’s incredible at masking as an adult,   that’s a learnt skill,   but there her life has been massively impacted time and time again by adults refusing to accept her differences.

little maeve being returned by foster family after foster family because they found her selective mutism ‘creepy’, or hated how she never cried when she was a baby   /   toddler or just… she wasn’t the child they wanted her to be. a tiny thing with too smart eyes,  always watching,  seeing more than someone her age should.  she’s been told from the time she was only one that her emotions and ways of showing them are wrong. that she’s faulty.

it’s partly trauma  -  she learnt as a literal baby that crying would never make anyone care  -, and partly the fact she’s not neurotypical.  but it’s just so deeply coded in adult maeve that how she expresses herself naturally is wrong.  so often she masks as hard as she can 24/7   -    and in verses with bobby he probably uses it against her a lot.

maeve loves people so truly,   so deeply,    but if you’re the kind of person who doesn’t pay attention or wants loud love it’d probably be easy to miss it or not be satisfied.  she shows it a thousand ways   (  little touches,  letting people in,  letting her mask down and giving them what she thinks is a reason not to care for her  )  and honestly she doesn’t ask for much back.

she loves people for free.  she will be there for you no matter what,  she will forgive you for so much even if her trust is something you might struggle to fully fix.  

honestly,  the fact most of her ship partners end up learning sign language so they can still get her to ‘talk’ to them when something shuts her down says so much about how understanding maeve is all about being willing to learn her language.   if she’s hurting,  she’ll never voice it,  but she might be able to put it into sign language.  

her heart isn’t on her sleeve, it’s in her hands.

but also:   don’t get me wrong,  in private she shows so much affection.  the more safe she is with a person,  the less personal space there is when doing things like sitting together.  whilst she naturally gives people space,  she still rests with a hand or arm on them bc she likes the reminder they’re there.  if they’re the types to tug her closer,  she often lies and listens to their heart.

in general  -   maeve keeps a good deal of space between herself and the world.  it’s what she was taught to do.  so in any circumstances,  if you’re a person she can casually be close to or might touch without thinking...  you’re in the rare position where you could crush her little heart.

[its-no-biggie]

yeah thats what im saying though! saiki cant be SURE that his friends will react well to his real self, but hes ready to TRY. hes ready to show them that hes NOT normal and trust that theyll still love him anyway. yes, textually this is only about him revealing his powers to them, but you said yourself that hes only comfortable showing his real personality around people who know about his powers. surely it follows that he would similarly open up with his other friends once they know.

and yeah, they only know/like saikis normalsona, but i always interpreted it as they like saiki IN SPITE of his normalsona. like teruhashi at the mixer- her line goes "i wish saiki were here..... though, i guess he would just sit in the corner with a blank expression on his face." like she wants to see saiki, first and foremost, and then remembers that he doesnt really talk and might bring the mood down. but thats okay, she still just wants to spend time with him. and like, one thing you mentioned in the tags is that neurotypical people can tell somethings off when talking to a masking autistic person. so wouldnt it follow that saikis friends can tell something is off with saikis mask? there are a few lines that even allude to this- hairo constantly saying he thinks saiki has a great power that hes holding back (true), or that time someone (kaidou?) goes "i always got the sense that saiki was protecting us" (also true). sure, they dont believe hes a psychic, but thats because they dont even believe psychic powers are REAL. theyre probably all aware, on some level, that saiki isnt being completely honest with them. why else would they so readily agree with nendou when he said it was fine to hide things and keep secrets? theyre fine with him being quiet and closed off. theyre willing to wait until hes ready to open up.

and like. its explicitly shown that his friends do want to see his real self. at the wrong-birthday, when they were concerned that he wasnt acting like himself, it wasnt actually about how he was acting- they were worried that he was forcing himself to act in a way they would like better. they want him to feel comfortable enough around them to act authentic, without being worried how they would feel about it. and yes, im well aware that people say this in real life and then still react poorly to your authentic self. but a) this is fiction and its allowed to be a little idealized. b) saikis friends are all also weird misfits. he will fit right in with them no matter how strange his true personality is. and c) they do really and truly mean it. theyre not just saying it for woke points or because they feel entitled to see his authentic self. they really want him to be comfortable being himself around them, because they love him. and it pays off because he DOES eventually open up!

and yeah, we dont get to see it. yeah, it took a long time. yeah, it may be short lived since theyre going off to college soon. but i think its beautiful anyway! i think its a really good and happy conclusion to a long, slow, realistic journey of self acceptance. thats just my opinion, of course, and im sure a lot of this is also me projecting. youre absolutely entitled to your interpretation and i do see where youre coming from! it just doesnt come across like a tragedy to me personally

How Saiki wants to be perceived:

Not at all. He's just generic mob character #7536, thanks.

How Saiki's friends perceive him at first:

Projection Central... Depending on the person, he's a scaredy-cat, romance novel protagonist, former punk, flustered fanboy, a slacker who just needs some inspiration to become a sports star, etc...

How Saiki's friends perceive him at the end of the series:

Quiet, a little glum, kinda boring, but a good guy. Says "good grief" a lot.

How the Psychickers perceive him:

Sarcastic, stubborn, tsundere, a little childish, back-talker supreme, confident, a bit arrogant even, incredibly intelligent, lonely, silly, uptight, a soft touch, kind.

How Saiki ACTUALLY IS:

Sarcastic, stubborn, tsundere, a little childish, back-talker supreme, confident, a bit arrogant even, incredibly intelligent, lonely, silly, uptight, a soft touch, kind.

-> Only the Psychickers (and to some extent, his family) know and appreciate Saiki for who he actually is by the end of the series.

That's because Saiki is only ever comfortable revealing his true personality once the other person knows about his powers.

Until then, he will always try pretending to be a passive nobody, unless he thinks it can get a girl off his back (ex. against Teruhashi at the arcade, against Imu in the locker room).

Saiki remains nervous about telling his friends about his powers despite seeing it go off without a hitch in the alternate universe, and despite losing his powers first, because his friends might not like his "new"/actual personality.

We see early on in Kuboyasu's introduction that Saiki fears his relationships with his friends are fake because they're based on a huge lie and an even bigger pretense. We see that anxiety about his personality/persona not being palatable enough at the wrong-day birthday party. We see him mourn the fact that he can't be his real self at the mixer.

THAT is the great tragedy of Saiki K, that almost none of the people he loves actually know him in any meaningful way, not even by the end of the series!

[thatsitthatstheusername]

Just realized that my crush just randomly deleted my number even though we've been on pretty good terms just a few weeks ago :,) yeah it stings.

The good: This 4 year long torture is finally over. I can actually move on now.

The bad: This proofs I am extremely unlovable when my neurodivergence is showing. Being autistic and or having untreated ADHD is unattractive to men.

[autisticcassandracain]

I think we'd have a lot less bad takes about the way DC currently handles Barbara Gordon's disability if we were willing to admit that looking abled is far, far more important to abled people than actually being abled.

The reason DC is willing to give Babs chronic pain, a part-time cane, a (sorry excuse for) a backbrace, but not willing to let her be a full time wheelchair user is because if they made her a full time wheelchair user they wouldn't have the option to pretend she's abled. That's it. It's that simple.

To abled people, looking disabled is one of the worst things that can happen to you. This is why deaf kids are deprived of sign language. This is why blind people are deprived of white canes and braille. This is why people with mobility impairments are deprived of and discouraged to use mobility aids like canes, crutches, rollators, and wheelchairs. This is why prostheses with a focus on lifelike accuracy over practicality exist. Hell, it's not just true for physical disabilities: this is why the entire concept of masking exists.

Having an invisible disability brings unique challenges with it, yes, but also, you get fundamentally more baseline respect from abled people. I, as an autistic person who can pass as neurotypical near-perfectly, am treated infinitely better than an autistic person who is clearly and obviously autistic. That's why I go through the effort to pass in the first place. Those who pass are seen as human, at least at first glance. Those who don't, aren't. This same principle applies, arguably even more strongly, to people who are physically disabled.

Yes, this respect is heavily conditional. Yes, it hurts to acquire and maintain. Yes, there may come a point where it becomes impossible or not worth it to maintain. But let's not pretend like there's no reason invisibly disabled people often go to great lengths to ensure the disability remains invisible.

There is a chronic lack of disability rep in superhero comics; in fact, disability is probably the least represented minority in comics. When disability rep does appear, though, it usually comes in two flavours:

Fantasy disability that does not exist in real life, or is so far removed from it as to be near-unrecognizeable (Cyborg, for example)

Invisible

There is a reason for this. It's because abled people don't want to look at disabled people. They want to be able to ignore a disability, to forget or deny that it exists. They want to have the option of not acknowledging it.

DC does not want Barbara to be disabled. That much is obvious, considering how long it took – how much fighting it took, from fans and, undoubtedly, from individuals within the company – for them to acknowledge that getting shot in the spine might have consequences regardless of what magic chip they employ. DC wants Barbara Gordon to be abled, but a fully abled Barbara received just a little too much backlash to be worth it.

So they went with the next best thing. They made her invisibly disabled. Because looking disabled is worse than being disabled.

It doesn't matter whether an individual author or artist portrays the invisible disability well. Hell, it doesn't matter whether an individual author or artist decides to show her using a cane or even – gasp – a wheelchair. Because if another author or artist doesn't want to deal with it, they don't have to.

This is also, coincidentally, why Barbara's portrayal was often more openly ableist when she was paralyzed. Authors and artists were forced to deal with it, even when they clearly didn't want to. They couldn't erase it, so they had to attack it. Now, they can just pretend she isn't disabled, and if questioned on their portrayal, respond "she was having a good day".

That's why she's invisibly disabled: plausible deniability.

Look, I get we're all starved for rep. But, @ invisibly disabled people defending this choice because they feel represented: you're being used as a smoke screen to harm other disabled people, because the ableds believe you're more palatable and easier to deal with than them. Are you going to prove them right?

[a-queer-seminarian]

so ya wanna know about autism: masterpost

I give this google doc link out to individuals a lot, and realized it might be useful for a lot of people if i shared it more widely. It’s a masterpost of a whole bunch of Autistic Stuff -- here’s the link to the actual doc, but i’ll also post it all here on tumblr (under a readmore after the table of contents).

(edit: if the hyperlinks aren’t working for you, here’s the google doc url that you can copy and paste into an internet browser to access everything: https://docs.google.com/document/d/16BqhRv4IlZ6KcElGAEZOx8sFYwRs4W1jF-ddY_XKYnE/edit?usp=sharing )

Please spread it around (including sharing the google doc link outside of tumblr wherever you want). Feel free to comment with more resources, tumblr posts, articles, etc. that you find helpful! And if any links are broken, let me know.

It can be a major challenge for adult autistic folks to find content for us and by us, because so much “official” content is 1) ableist and harmful and 2) geared towards parents of autistic children. So I’ve compiled just about every resource I’ve got that discusses autism by and for #actuallyautistic folks.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

- ORGANIZATIONS AND SELF ADVOCATES

- DEFINING AND DESCRIBING AUTISM

misc.

Metaphors and images for autism

Disability models

Issues with Functioning Labels, ideas of “Mild” - “Severe” autism

- AUTISM AND INTERSECTIONALITY

misc.

Autism among women

Autism and race

Autism and LGBTQ

- STUFF ON SELF DIAGNOSIS

misc.

Is it ADHD or Autism??

Tests / checklists

- STUFF ON PROFESSIONAL DIAGNOSIS

- AUTISTIC PRIDE / CULTURE AND HISTORY!

misc.

Autism / disability history and culture

The Neurodiversity Movement

Person first vs. identity first language

Cureism

- AUSTITIC TRAITS (BEYOND THE ONES COMMONLY DISCUSSED!)

Misc. - samefoods, lists, needing to know what to expect, etc.

Stimming

Communication stuff - misc. - Verbal/nonverbal - Infodumping - echolalia - Prosopagnosia - Aphasia - Eye contact

Special interests / hyperfixations

Auditory Processing Disorder

Sensory issues / Sensory Processing Disorder

Meltdowns and Shutdowns and Burnout

Executive function

Emotion stuff

- MASKING / PASSING / SCRIPTING

- WHY AUTISM SPEAKS AND ABA ARE SO BAD

- MISCELLANEOUS

Suicide

Allyship / for allistics - For parents of autistic persons

More non-speaking autistic self-advocates

misc.

_________________

SOME ORGANIZATIONS AND SELF ADVOCATES

ASAN!!

The Autistic Woman and Nonbinary Network

Amethyst Schaber’s “Ask and Autistic” YouTube full of videos on various autistic stuff

Lydia X.Z. Brown / Autistic Hoya 

Dr. Nick Walker

Mrs. Kerima Çevik

“Non-Speaking Autistic Speaking” - Amy Sequnzia’s blog

“The thinking person’s guide to autism”

The How-To Wiki for autism is actually really helpful! 

Ollibean blog .

DEFINING AND DESCRIBING AUTISM

Video: “What is autism?”

“About autism”

“What being autistic means to me”

Myths about autism .

Metaphors and images for autism - “Autism is a sundae bar” - “Autism is purple” - “Understanding the spectrum” comic - Another visual on the idea of a spectrum - And another visual on the spectrum - not an on-off switch .

Disability models - Understanding disability models - Video: models of disability discourse .

Functioning Labels, “Mild” or “Severe” autism - Article on functioning labels - “What’s wrong with functioning labels? A masterpost” - Another article on problems with functioning labels - “I don’t experience my autism mildly; you experience my autism mildly” - A non-speaking autistic who is labeled non-functioning discusses labels - “Most people would consider me low-functioning, but I hate that word” - Tweets from actual autistics on functioning labels - How the same person may be labeled low or high functioning at different times - “Mental Age Theory hurts people with disabilities” .

AUTISM AND INTERSECTIONALITY

Article on autism in communities of color + in the LGBTQ community

Autism, intersectionality, and STEM college outcomes

Articles on intersectionality on The Art of Autism .

Autism among women - A reminder about talking about differences in autism in “females” - “I thought I was lazy: the invisible struggle for autistic women” - “The women who don’t know they’re autistic” - “The gas-lighting of women and girls on the autism spectrum” .

Autism and race - “Being Autistic, Black, and Femme” - “Black and Autistic: Is there room at the advocacy table?” - “Autistic, Gifted, and Black” - “I, too, am Racialized” - Autistic Hoya on being Chinese & a transracial adoptee - Video: “Growing up BLACK in a neurotypical legal system” - The Autism Wars: Mrs. Kerima Çevik’s blog .

Autism and LGBTQ - “Autism and gender variance - is there a cause for the correlation?” - “The intersection of autism and gender” - Issues being transmasc and autistic - “Gendervague: At the intersection of Autistic and trans experiences” - “I’m an autistic lesbian and no, I don’t wish I were ‘normal’” .

STUFF ON SELF DIAGNOSIS:

A self-diagnosis masterpost!

Autistic self-dx is valid

“Reasons why self-dx is good from the pov of a professional” 

Some reasons why autism may go undiagnosed 

“Five reasons I am self identified as autistic”

“Beware of gatekeeping”

A masterpost of “resources for women who believe they might be autistic”

A therapist who’s never met an incorrect self-dx-er .

Is it ADHD or Autism?? - Links to information on the intersections between autism and ADHD - A list of things that are more ADHD, things that are more autism, and things that are both - Science: decoding the overlap between ADHD and autism - The concept of neurodivergent “cousins” .

Various tests / checklists: - ASD Checklist - List of inclusive autistic traits - Book: I Think I Might Be Autistic: A Guide to Autism Spectrum Disorder Diagnosis and Self-Discovery for Adults .

STUFF ON PROFESSIONAL DIAGNOSIS:

Privilege in being able to get a diagnosis

Pros and cons of getting one

Someone answers the question “Was it worth it for you to get diagnosed as an adult?”

Professional diagnosis can get some people deported :/

This person’s journey from self-dx to pro-dx .

AUTISTIC PRIDE / CULTURE AND HISTORY!

The wiki how-to on accepting your autism

The wiki how-to on autistic strengths 

“7 Cool Aspects of Autistic Culture”

“I’m autistic and proud of it”

“You are not a burden” 

“What is self advocacy?” .

Autism / disability history and culture - Video: “Is autism a disability?” - A google drive “disability library” full of amazing content - A tumblr tag full of posts with autistic history - Book - Loud Hands: Autistic People, Speaking includes essays that explore the history of autism and of autistic self-advocacy - Book - Neurotribes: The Legacy of Autism and the Future of Neurodiversity .

The Neurodiversity movement - The neurodiversity paradigm - Video: basic terms and definitions - Video: what is neurodiversity? - Liberating ourselves from the pathology paradigm .

Person first vs. identity first language (“person with autism” vs. “autistic person”) - ASAN on identity first language - Why it matters - Video: Autism ACTUALLY Speaking - Science: a study on what labels actual autistic persons prefer - An image showing the difference between person first and identity first language .

Cureism & seeking causes of autism - Video: “Autism and the disability community: the politics of neurodiversity, causation, and cure” - Video: Self advocacy in a culture of cure - An analogy against cureism - It’s okay that some autistics do want a cure - Quotes on Truth Is by Julia Bascom about not needing a cure - Cureism is eugenics - “If a cure is found, no one will force you to take it” .

AUTISTIC TRAITS (BEYOND THE ONES COMMONLY DISCUSSED!)

“Thinking about patterns of opposite extremes among autistic people” (e.g. how we tend to be sensory avoidant or sensory seeking, extremely gender conforming or extremely gender nonconforming, hyper-empathetic or hypo-empathetic)

An essay on inclusive autistic traits

This tumblr is dedicated to answering people asking about whether various things are autistic traits!

This person lists the reasons they think (know) they’re autistic; the list includes a lot of traits that often aren’t talked about 

“Some autism things” .

“What are samefoods?” - “Why do autistic people tend to samefood?”

It’s okay if you don’t like certain things / avoid certain things because of your autism

Wanting/needing to know how long something will last, what to expect .

Stimming! - Video: what is stimming? - Video on self-injurious stims - Video: autobiographical look at stimming and its role - More than a coping mechanism - A masterpost of examples of various types of stimming - Video on vocal / verbal stimming - Examples of vocal stimming as communication - A tumblr blog with a tag full of examples of body stims .

Communication stuff - Trouble with volume modulation; repetition; inconsistent talking habits - Autistic idiolects - Autistic dialect? - Autistics communicate differently amongst each other! . - Verbal/nonverbal - - Selective mutism - - Semiverbal communication - - Different amounts of access to speech - - A person on being non-verbal and using AAC - - People who are nonverbal still deserve to be listened to .

Infodumping - What is infodumping?

Echolalia - “Autism and Echolalia: what you need to know” - What is echolalia? - A tumblr blog’s tag featuring examples of echolalia

Aphasia and autism

Prosopagnosia (Face blindness) - Science: a study confirming that some 67% of autistic persons have some degree of facial recognition difficulties - Science: a study offering theories for why this is!

Video: Autistics and eye contact - Science: Researchers explore why autistic people avoid eye contact

Tendency to overexplain .

Special interests / hyperfixations - Some info on hyperfixations - Video on special interests - Emphasizing the intensity of these things - “What’s so special about a special interest?” - “Why we love what we love and why it should matter to you” - Not every autistic person knows everything there is to know about their special interest - “Interest hopping” - Dividing our life into “eras” of special interests .

Auditory Processing Disorder - Examples of APD - “You might struggle with auditory processing if…” .

Sensory Processing Disorder - Video: What is sensory processing disorder? - Video: a virtual experience of what it’s like to be at a party as someone with SPD - A post about some of the weird sensory stuff that many autistics experience (such as feeling nauseated when your real issue is a headache) - Many sensory issues aren’t just annoying, but physically painful - Difficulty in explaining autistic hypersensitivities - Auditory sensory musings - Trying to describe sensory overload - Not noticing when we’re hungry - Weird tolerance for big pain, intolerance for small pain - Science: “Unseen Agony: Dismantling Autism’s house of pain” - Tumblr blog with a tag of other posts about sensory issues .

Meltdowns and Shutdowns and burnout: - Meltdowns vs. shutdowns - Video: “What are autistic meltdowns?” - Video: “What are autistic shutdowns?” - A description of meltdowns - Signs of a shutdown in autistic people - How to support someone having a shutdown - Science: “Autistic shutdown alters brain function” - How to avoid meltdowns - “Dealing with meltdowns” - “The protective gift of meltdowns” - Video on autistic burnout - Article on burnout - Science: Autistic burnout described by a researcher - An article on autistic regression (burnout) - “Help! I seem to be getting more autistic” - talks about how things like burnout, aging, new environment, being around other autistics, and more can cause this .

Executive function - Video: “What is executive functioning?” - A chart describing the different aspects of executive function - “Executive functioning problems - a frustrating aspect of being autistic” - Autistic inertia .

Emotion stuff (including empathy) - Our emotional regulation is different - Article: (some) people with autism can read emotions, feel empathy - Video on misconceptions around autism and empathy - “Double standards: The irony of empathy and autism” - Science on the “double empathy problem” involving relationships between autistics and non-autistics - Not a bad person for not having empathy - More musings on autism and empathy - “Autistic grief is not like neurotypical grief” .

Alexithymia: - Science: Overlap between autism and alexithymia - Video: what is alexithymia? - “I don’t know how I feel”

MASKING / PASSING 

Video on passing

An infographic on autistic masking

Another video on masking / “hiding” in a neurotypical world

We are not obligated to mask or “act less autistic”

When you mask less and get told “you’ve been acting more autistic”

Getting called high-functioning because you mask/pass well

Scripting: - Video: what is scripting? 

WHY AUTISM SPEAKS AND ABA ARE SO BAD

A guide to identifying good autism organizations (and how they can improve!)

Autism Speaks:

Some facts and statistics 

An AS masterpost

Another AS masterpost

Video: What’s wrong with AS?

Video: a non-speaking autistic’s response to discussions between Autism Speaks and GRASP

“Enough with the puzzle pieces”

“I resign my roles at Autism Speaks”

“Responding to Autism Speaks” .

ABA:

Video: what’s ABA? 

“Studies find thin evidence for early autism therapies” 

Masterpost of why ABA is harmful

More on how ABA is abusive even if a kid “seems to like it”

An autistic describes ABA’s “quiet hands” method

And another post on how ABA is harmful

Trauma and autism

Alternatives to ABA

MISCELLANEOUS 

Suicide - Video: Speaking to suicidal autistics - Science linking autism and increased suicidality - Video: “diagnosis saved my life” .

Allyship / for allistics - Video: How to be an ally - Resources for supporting autistics during Autism Acceptance month and year-round! - Autistic accessibility needs - “How to be a friend to autistic people” - 15 things you never say to an autistic person - What to say / not to say to an autistic adult - Video: what shouldn’t I say to autistic people? - Video: Things not to say to an autistic person - Video: “Isn’t everyone a bit autistic?” - Don’t talk about “mental age” - “To those who tell autistic persons ‘everyone experiences that’” - Why it’s not helpful to say “well I don’t think of you as disabled / as autistic” - How to support a loved one who’s gone temporarily nonverbal - How to support someone having a shutdown - Help reduce meltdowns in a loved one - Don’t restrain an autistic person having a meltdown - Understanding why autistics seem “so picky” - Making communication easier for your autistic friend - Avoiding ableism against AAC users - How to protect your autistic employees from ‘no script found’ situations” .

For parents of autistic persons - “Don’t Mourn for Us” - “You don’t ‘lose a child to autism’” - Advice from autistic adults on treating your autistic children with respect - A masterpost of advice for “autism parents” - It’s okay if your kid doesn’t hug you or say “I love you” - “They keep publishing these violent articles” - “When you’re autistic, abuse is considered love” - You don’t have to tell everyone who comes across you and your kid in public that your kid is autistic / you don’t have to constantly apologize for your kid! - Your kid isn’t bad / uncooperative just because they have certain differences - Don’t tell autistic adults we are “nothing like your child” - A tag full of more tumblr posts about / for “autism parents”

More non-speaking autistic self-advocates - Video: “In My Language” by Mel Baggs - Mel Baggs: “Don’t ever assume autism researchers know what they’re doing” - Lysik’an: “You don’t speak for low-functioning autistics” - Film: Deej

Autistics and the idea of “getting out of your comfort zone”

Autistics accommodate allistics far more than the other way around 

It is icky when autistic persons are only valued when we’re “productive” 

Parents who are themselves autistic

Autism as genetic? - Science: “Autism Genetics, Explained”

Science: links to some studies on autism and gastro-intestinal issues, autism and caffeine, autism and sleep, autism and stimming, autism and queerness, autistic strengths, and more

[dangermousie]

Yes yes yes! All the little bits we get about JW before his conviction just show him as a genuinely nice person (buying food for BY and protecting her and he’s had zero romantic interest in her and wasn’t being smug about being good to those less fortunate or w/e.)

And it helped him zero. You look at protags of eg Flower of Evil or Bad Guys or Mask and it’s people taking advantage of someone who is perhaps not neurotypical so doesn’t fit in but this drama shows it doesn’t matter - JW was as “normal” behaving and nice and popular as one could get but hey, people needed a convenient scapegoat so it didn’t matter - it’s nothing you do that makes you a target, it’s the others’ desires and an opportunity situation.

The town people have on a level convinced themselves of the alternate reality where they are innocent and he’s guilty - it makes it easier for them to live in that shared created falsehood. You lie long enough and dedicatedly enough and you begin to believe it’s the truth.

And yes - it had to have been some sort of “don’t fight too hard and you get a lighter sentence” set up because a decade for two brutal murders is rather light.

Side note - in Beyond Evil they say if there is no body they can never convict of murder. So how come JW was convicted of murder? Is it because the girls were also minors so they can be declared dead and not missing? Or because even if there is no body but there is a confession, they can convict? (BE is kinda ambiguous on that) or maybe the law in Black Out does not reflect actual law? Hmmm.

And yeah, the way the “uncle” talks makes me see red. Sure sure he cared about the kid so much, he had him be tortured. To not have that is not even “I care for you” territory but bare minimum of decency territory.

And yeah, their evidence was ridiculous which is why they needed to beat and sleep deprive and otherwise torture him into some sort of confession (and to prevent him from figuring out holes in their evidence - like the keys.)

You know what the set up makes me think of a little, actually - Mawang. Mawang is a very different story - it’s a survivor of a bunch of people scapegoating a family member and destroying his family on the process seeking vengeance (and significantly leaving outs for those who repent but most of them fail) - but it makes me think of it in that most of the perps involved went on to normal lives and never thought of injustice and it was a blip to them but that ruined someone’s life - only one survivor who is the perpetrator group is haunted, the rest moved on.

I was talking to @aysekira and the thing that keeps haunting me is that I genuinely cannot imagine a happy ending for Black Out. I cannot see how one would even look like.

I can 100% see how ML would be proven innocent and how the truth would come out. I have no problem imagining it.

But I cannot see how on earth that would result in any kind of justice or happy ending. It’s not just the decade of life he lost that he’d never get back or the abuse he suffered that can’t be undone or the fact that his father died probably from the stress of it all while he was in jail, or mental trauma of believing he was a killer.

It’s all about not having a future in a practical or emotional sense. Before he got railroaded he got accepted to med school. He’d have had a great conventionally successful future. What is he gonna have now? Even if his conviction gets vacated, he has no college education - is he even capable emotionally or mentally to go to college (and can he even at his age?) - what is he gonna do for a living? Some sort of minimum wage job, I guess. His whole future is gone permanently.

And then (I put it behind read more because it’s spoilery for stuff that is not made clear in the drama yet but from books it’s based on, plus dramas Bad Guys and Flower of Evil.)

Even worse - it wasn’t cops wanting an easy close out of a case or a bona fide mistake.

How can you process and live with the fact that your friends are the one who committed the crimes you were convicted for, that they and their parents (included your so-called uncle, chief of police) framed you as a scape goat.

That your “friends” raped and killed your female friend and carried on, happily acting like you are the criminal and they are upstanding citizens. That a whole bunch of of the people in town are in on it. That his so called friend the actress is actually also in on it because she could have proven his innocent but wanted him punished for not fancying her so off to jail he went.

Like how could you ever eat and sleep and breathe for the rage.

As I was telling @aysekira - what is insane is that Geun Oh a saint compared to the rest because he raped someone and killed someone and acquiesced in framing ML but at least he feels like shit. The bar is so low it’s in hell but the bulk of them still fail it.

I thought Park Hae Jin’s character in Bad Guys was fucked by the end but even he is better off - his memories were fucked with and he could never trust a therapist again (and he needs therapy badly) and he went to jail for crimes he did not commit but he didn’t serve a decade and he’s at least got his education and his PhD and he’s made two good friends even if they are both murderers and it wasn’t everyone literally in on it (probably because he was a loner but still…)

JW from Black Out can get his name cleared sure but he could never get justice because that would involve a Time Machine and a mind wipe.

I always found Flower of Evil had such a kind, gentle ending - ML was put through seventeen kinds of hell for no fault of his own - but you totally buy him being loved and happy and living a life he’d like at the end. (And even there, I actually think it might be better for him to never fully recover all his memories.) Here I don’t see it at all.

[fumifooms]

An unpolished review of Stranger Things 4′s Henry Creel and ableism. Eleven vs Henry, the good neurodivergent vs the dangerous mentally ill. Character analysis

Tldr, Stranger Things made some wild (insensitive) choices.

Umm so I watched the ep 7 of Stranger Things S4 and I have... Mixed feelings. I started writing this before volume 2 was out, and I’m finishing it in the end of july. I’ve had plenty of time to let it marinate, think and debate with others on it. It took this long for me to sort out my feelings and build up the courage to make any post in support of Henry Creel’s experiences and humanity, but I’ve gotten there, kind of.

I guess I should mention this too, kinda important, but I’m autistic. I was diagnosed at 18 and got all sorts of messed up and some internalized ableism I’ve worked through. The way I see it, currently in Stranger Things, the characters of Henry Creel, Eleven, Robin and even Will all have significant back-up to support them being autistic. Here what matters most is Henry’s, because his is the most overt and less masked, and Eleven’s due to the topic, but Henry having autism is the only actual diagnosis one I’m determined on defending. Regardless, canonically stated or not, much like being diagnosed or undiagnosed, it isn’t because you don’t have a label for it that you aren’t, and that the symptoms and experiences you have because of your autism don’t exist and don’t manifest. A character can have a mental illness or disorder without authorial intent, because things don’t exist in a vacuum. 

A few important things to keep in mind before we start, well summarized by the following posts. I’ll still be reiterating these things as I go though bc people have no chill:

https://nemevex.tumblr.com/post/676815383203840001/mental-illnesses-can-increase-the-chance-of-being

https://psychonarc.tumblr.com/post/664768075380441089/its-interesting-to-watch-neurotypicals-grapple

https://theegosystem.tumblr.com/post/657136958513037312/id-title-of-picture-says-how-can-someone-have-so

Tldr:  https://mibasai.tumblr.com/post/669402579694993408/reminder-that-if-your-horror-is-reliant-on  note: regardless of how many decent neurodivergent portrayals you have in your show, if one of them is an actively ableist portrayal, your show is still ableist. Being an ally to neurodivergent people isn’t about picking and choosing who is too scary to empathize with and not just “these few misfit kids were good and deserving of acceptance despite being a bit quirky all along”

shortest tldr: https://aeon-of-neon.tumblr.com/post/685452896681230336/also-can-i-just-say-the-autistic-child-is-evil

My tldr: The way Henry Creel was handled is literally autism & aspd fearmongering lol.

It may sound like I’m excusing Henry in this post, and I want to be clear that my goal isn’t to defend Henry’s actions, my goal is to defend Henry’s humanity and complexity as a full human with emotions and thoughts for whose whole identity isn’t the innate want to cause harm and be evil, since everyone is so set on strictly seeing him as such. Perhaps, you could use your empathy, which you condemn him for not having, to not deem him an irredeemable heartless monster whose abuse is justified.

Warnings for spoilers and discussion of heavy themes such as ableism, abuse, animal torture and the targeted ableist killing by the nazi Hans Asperger.

Disclaimer: This is not a clean essay. I was and am hurt and very defensive of these experiences and feelings which I identify and sympathize with, and I am confused. There are ways you can interpret the canon text in good faith, where everything is aligned in a way that lessens the ableist damage, but you have to dig and theorize so much that it doesn’t feel genuine to say that in this one case the narrative wouldn’t be ableist. I find it very hard to contain all my thoughts in one essay, especially since there’s so much analysis to set up before you can even attempt to humanize Henry’s mentality and choices, so I’ve chosen to reduce this as a casual review rather than an essay, and explain Henry Creel’s various ideologies and actions in other, later posts. I might come back to polish this one at some point later though, yet once again. I have written and rewritten the same points as below in so many ways scattered on multiple private platforms. To “polish” this for posting, I’ve spent literally 8 hours nonstop today. God. Anyways, let’s move onto the thing. 

Part of this essay was written before volume two and it’ll be apparent in the language and chronological order most times, but I did go back and organize ideas better and add in a few paragraphs so it might jump back and forth a bit.

The whole twist of Creel being One was sooo well executed and interesting and it had me hooked, I LOVED all of the build up to the reveal. I love mysteries that come together like puzzle pieces, and the way a lot of plot points and parts of the intrigue just tied together seamlessly felt so “wow” and satisfying. But then... They made him be evil because of neurodivergence...? 

Like, it’s not about giving your villain a complex backstory and grey morals, it’s about the framing. And yes, the framing absolutely was ableist.

The framing

Because, the show is explicitely saying that Creel is evil because he was inherently different since birth. The show suddenly stops highlighting the abuse and stygmatization he has suffered (such as “all the teachers and doctors said I was broken”, the corporal punishment for speaking to El which we were made to sympathize with before the reveal),and starts treating him like he’s some exotic beast, not like us TM, a monster.

And all this while having him say such neurodivergent things to say... It was actually painful for me to hear him say everything, especially the whole spiders thing, because it was so relatable and accurate, and for it to be framed with ominous music in tandem with the narrative and ambiance that we should be repulsed with everything that comes out of his mouth & everything he stands for. It honestly felt like the show was calling me crazy and evil because I was relating as he was talking.

But hey, I guess if they were going for historically accurate story & character tropes then ableism is def a pick. Wow, you’re so creative, the antisocial kid tortures animals and that lack of empathy means he’s a monster! It’s overdone, guys. It’s Split level of ableist horror sensationalization. It’s not that deep. Intention matters, we’re always saying how intention matters, why is Henry defiguring animals the proof of his demonic nature when it was done out of a lack of self-awareness to difference right from wrong, which kids are famous for not having, much like when you burn ants through a magnifier glass? It’s not that big of a jump. People hunt recreatively. People often hunt unethically. Are recreative hunters demonized by society at large? It was done humanely without any ill intention mind you, but was I demonic as a child when I held the corpse of hares my family got in hunting traps and not thinking anything of its death? Henry wanted to practice his skills, and that’s what he did, on living moving targets. It wasn’t done for a pleasure of animal pain, it was done in an objective efficient detached mindset. That doesn’t make it not disturbing or alright, it just means that doesn’t make him a subhuman or something. That kinda was the line when I debated about Henry being deserving of a modicum of sympathy with my mother for her, and it’s wild to see how quickly people are to refuse sympathy to another human because they sympathize with animals more and want to overtly attribute morality to its death. “Yeah Henry was abused in the labs and that sucks I guess, but he did torture those animals” to practice his skills, yeah! Even with Eleven we were shown that killing, and even just pushing someone back, with psychic powers isn’t that simple, straightforward and without other effects, and if Henry could kill quickly without pain and other disfigurations, then better practice would maybe be to disfigure intentionally instead of going straight for death. It seems terrible talking about this, and that’s because it is, but once again I’m explaining thought processes and how they’re not super wild demonic ones that people can’t understand. I had to bust out the “I can tolerate abusive and traumatic human bigotry, but I draw the line at animal abuse” quote and then my mom conceded lol. Y’all need to demistify these sensationalized things and put them down from the pedestral of innate morality you’ve put it on, the show is manipulating you and kids don’t experiment with killing animals because they’re some widow spider demons coming to kill everyone. Empathy doesn’t equal compassion. Kids are kids.

It’s the way Stranger Things wanted Eleven to push him away with disgust and horror with 0 nuance, even if they were the closest thing each other had to friends in such a cold, abusive place for so long. It’s the way all the abuse he endured was no longer treated as such, the way the show now showed that abuse as deserved. It’s the way the pieces of the puzzle all came together for the grand evil villain finale and the explanation for his motivations wasn’t “I am angry at the world/I want justice/they’ve kept us prisoners and mistreated us” but was “I’ve always been different”, and without saying it so obviously wanting the audience to continue that statement with “which makes me want to hurt and kill people”.

It’s the way the show suddenly did an 180 from before and after telling his backstory and wanting him to become entirely unsympathetic. God I hope I’m wrong and the second part of the season spins that on its head. It’s not the fact that Henry is ND [NeuroDivergent], I think with his story that’s interesting and compelling, but it’s the way the show wants us to shake in horror at the Big Bad ND. Henry is a traumatized abuse survivor, he needs support and guidance, not to be killed on sight, like the vibes are supporting in ep 7. Henry massacred everyone in the labs after he’s been forcefully kept under its control for years and mistreated there by everyone, after a lifetime of trauma and the strong self-preservation survival instincts it caused, and the person he risked himself so much to help, who has gone through so much so similarly to him, that he feels a connection with, just immediately turns on him murderously after seeing what he’s done, no attempt to talk, no confusion, no heartbroken words, just “oh yeah I guess you know who I really am now, I’mma have to kill you too ig” and “I can’t believe you were so evil all along :(( I hate you & I have to kill you now”. Why so black and white? Like I almost feel gaslighted, I can’t be the only one to think that a step was missed here, how did we go from extremely abusive living conditions to fully dehumanizing the marginalized victim with 0 recognition that at least part of his resentment and agressive lashing back is justified?? It would have been so much more compelling and heartbreaking of a scene like it seemed they wanted it to be if they had Henry attempt to comfort/explain it to Eleven more on her level, like how he’s doing it for them or how they hurt them and all. He did, in a way, but even that felt through the lenses that Henry is only capable of manipulation. I still believe by his massacre Henry thought he was doing the right thing/what he needed to do. They wanted to get out and leave the life behind, Henry wanted to make sure it’d never come back for them, or hell, never continue and bring more people into the misery, with maybe that “purging evil from the world” stance yeah since it seems like the show is going for a Thanos situation. The point isn’t that that motivation makes it ok, the point is that Henry isn’t depicted as some one dimensional monster born and raised villain. The way he cares for Eleven’s wellbeing is so obvious, how did it end like that? Surely if he felt like himself and Eleven were really so similar, he would have tried reasoning with her when he saw she wasn’t on board with what he had done?

The problem isn’t that Eleven, another traumatized abused child, reacted intensely and violently to the very personal and upsetting events, it’s that the show, the narrative, the atmosphere and everything, takes her side on her reaction of killing him without any second guessing was just and right without nuance. The show giving any hint at all that Henry might have been deserving of sympathy or a chance was in the last episode, executed very dismissively.

The good neurodivergent vs the bad neurodivergent, and the lack of nuance

God, the parallels between One and Eleven through the season now are nauseating, because it’s the trope of the “good misfit everyone should actually love” vs the “misfit that everyone is right to reject bc they deserve it and are inherently bad”. What???? What?????? How does that not destroy every meaningful lesson and theme you’ve ever attempted to build? It’s the model minority schema, guys. 

Do you know why Asperger’s is a very outdated term for “high-functioning” autism? Because it doesn’t exist, and was rooted in ableism. Asperger’s is a subjective assessment of an autistic person to evaluate if they’re smart despite being autistic and if they can function to the treshold they wish for, despite being autistic. Asperger’s was the difference between the “exceptional autistic genius that’s surhuman” trope and being labelled “mentally handiccaped”. You know what’s the difference between Asperger’s and autism? Masking. Masking, the act of suppressing your neurodivergence and mimicking neurotypical behavior which is detrimental to your mental health and exhausting to the point of often causing chronic fatigue. Masking, which is a defense mechanism and oftentime, a trauma response. The only way for them not to be rejected by society growing up, even through a lifetime of feeling like you don’t belong and not knowing what’s wrong with you, why you’re broken and why no one can fix you. Autism is a spectrum, it’s in the diagnosis’ name, and what that means is that everyone has different levels of symptoms, different limits and different tresholds. There is no “high-functioning” and “low-functioning”, it’s “how visible are your quirks, how easy is it for you to hide your problems in this society which was not made for people like you, how long and consistently can you keep it up, how much are you willing to damage yourself to fit in?”

Hans Asperger’s studies, in the era of world war 2, which resulted in the diagnosis and its different classification from autism, was literally, without going into gritty details, him gauging which autistic people seemed “smart” enough, functioning enough to be useful to the rest of society, which were exceptional enough to be worth studying and learning from, and differenciating those autistic people from the autistic people who should be sent to die.

I’ll be quoting this article for the next bit: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/the-truth-about-hans-aspergers-nazi-collusion/

Sheffer reveals how the Nazi aim of engineering a society they deemed ‘pure’, by killing people they saw as unworthy of life, led directly to the Holocaust.

With insight and careful historical research, Sheffer uncovers how, under Hitler’s regime, psychiatry—previously based on compassion and empathy—became part of an effort to classify the population of Germany, Austria and beyond as ‘genetically’ fit or unfit. In the context of the ‘euthanasia’ killing programmes, psychiatrists and other physicians had to determine who would live and who would be murdered. It is in this context that diagnostic labels such as ‘autistic psychopathy’ (coined by Asperger) were created.

Sheffer lays out the evidence, from sources such as medical records and referral letters, showing that Asperger was complicit in this Nazi killing machine. He protected children he deemed intelligent. But he also referred several children to Vienna’s Am Spiegelgrund clinic, which he undoubtedly knew was a centre of ‘child euthanasia’, part of what was later called Aktion T4.

This was where the children whom Nazi practitioners labelled ‘genetically inferior’ were murdered, because they were seen as incapable of social conformity, or had physical or psychological conditions judged undesirable. Some were starved, others given lethal injections. Their deaths were recorded as due to factors such as pneumonia.

Sheffer argues that Asperger supported the Nazi goal of eliminating children who could not fit in with the Volk: the fascist ideal of a homogeneous Aryan people.

This is incredibly serious for an Henry Creel tumblr essay, I am aware, and I am crying copy pasting this, and that is why this is important. Important for people to think about when they deem Henry Creel as a born monster. Why this is important to me. Do keep on telling me how Henry Creel was only ever good to imprison in a lab and experiment on, go on.

Because yes, Henry has explicitely neurodivergent experiences and displays over neurodivergent mannerism. Him not fitting in, having doctors trying to fix him as a person, and the whole feeling different (literally said by Henry as "I’ve always been different"). The whole relating to stygmatized animals is literally a very, very common experience in neurodivergent people with that sort of disorder. Even if it wasn’t intentional, it is so obvious that it cannot be ignored, and if the authors decided to ignore it anyways then that’s still ableism, you simply don’t want to admit your horror is rooted in ableism. But I do think it was intentional, because like I said they went out of their way this season to make Robin autistic. But especially because they did so many parallels with Henry and Eleven; they kept talking a about how "we’re the same you and me, we’re different" only being confirmed/reinforced by Henry being neurodivergent and saying neurodivergent experiences 24/7 and aaaaall the times people said like, "Oh Eleven is different. She doesn’t fit in" like so many times through the season and all the stuff in the labs and ugh. And yeah, the Eleven vs Henry parallels capitalize on ableist horror, the horror of the "good neurodivergent vs scary dangerous neurodivergent" trope, where one argues that one is fine and good while the other deserves no human rights. Because someone you don’t understand nor control having the power to snap under your abuse, just like any neurotypical, is a scary concept to many. It’s the unpredictable animal. You don’t trust that there is good in what you don’t know nor understand. And that goes both ways, you see no good in Henry, and Henry sees no good in humanity in kind, and with his experiences, it’s in part literally justified.

The thing with the Eleven vs Henry parallels though is that Henry was engineered to be “What if the villain was just like Eleven, but chose evil?”. That’s why in ep 8 the guys are like “Vecna is just like Eleven! How do we fight that?” That’s why the season kept having characters say how alike they are, having Henry say it, have other characters say how Eleven doesn’t fit in, all of it! They wanted dark!Eleven for the aesthetics, but didn’t bother making deeper themes, didn’t bother making it a true parallel because they wanted to dehumanize Henry as the epitome of categoric evil. It doesn’t work or register to the audience much, because they failed to treat him as they would have Eleven.  Literally, they did the "Eleven thought she did it but actually it was Henry" while continually pointing out how "similar" the two are. Henry is literally a narrative of dark!Eleven, except they don’t offer him the sympathy that they would have offered her had their roles truly been reversed. Oh hurray!! Eleven didn’t actually kill all these people, she’s too good for that! She could never, in fact she’d rather kill the meanie who did it in righteous anger! No need for an identity crisis! No need to feel such guilt! Yes, the good girl could never deal with such a morally ambiguous revelation of something terrible she has done, there is no hidden evil sides to El like you might have thought with her assaulting her bully, she’s clean! A murderer is born, not made! <3 Because there are ways to respond to trauma that make you innately evil, of course.

We had fricking Billy hargrove. Billy Hargrove. Billy "tries to run over kids and torments everyone personally" Hargrove. They had Billy Hargrove get more depth, sympathy and respect than Henry "I’m Eleven but if she had snapped" Creel. I’m sorry but if Billy gets to almost run over kids to make a point and gets largely forgiven by the fandom then why can’t Henry who’s been intensely abused for a decade in the place he’s breaking free from and lashing out, like, the line to end all lines. You want to tell me emotionally stunted abused boy violently lashing out in a breakdown at his agressive cellmates and captors of 10 years is marginally worse than Eleven wanting to use her powers on Angela and impulsively hitting her head with an object for verbal bullying of like, some months? Yeah Eleven kinda regretted it, kinda, and the injury wasn’t super serious, but the initial intent was there, the impulse was there, if you lose control and give into the impulse, are you  forgiven because the action failed to be as grave as you wished, or hadn’t thought through the possibility of serious/fatal damage? No, that makes you a Billy Hargrove who was willing to bet on kids’ lives that his sister would give into him before his car ran them over. Henry is dark!Eleven, indeed. Tell me, which of the two is the high-functioning autistic? We can talk all day about how they’re different, who is irredeemable and if that matters, but can’t we all just recognize the nuance? The shades of grey? It doesn’t have to be either "you’re an evil monster who can never change" or "misunderstood cinnamon roll who deserves all the good faith in the world", it can just be "you’re an ugly, hurting human being, and you suck, but I see you, and I recognize your pain and humanity. Your pain explains your actions, but doesn’t excuse them." A show shouldn’t bend the line of who has good in them and who doesn’t because one is your problematic fave while the other is supposed to be your big villain so you make him neurodivergent and different, forgetting that he, too, experienced the tragedy of his tragic backstory.

Framing is important. Stories create bias and hold bias, writing is biased and we as the audience are biased.

Let me ask you, when we kept getting told that Eleven killed a whole room of kid cellmates, what were your theories? No matter how much or little you thought about it, your instinct probably told you that in a moment of overwhelming emotions El had a violent burst of powers that she couldn’t/wouldn’t control. Did you think her lesser for it? Were you going to turn your back to her? What makes me so mad is the unwillingness of anyone to give similar good faith to Henry. This guy developed a “it’s me alone against the world that shunned me” mentality from a young age due to being ostracized by everyone in his life including his family, then handled traumatic truths about his family’s past misdeeds through superpowers and gained delusions of grandeur ideologies as a mechanism to give meaning to his life and otherizarion, was hospitalized against his will into the care of a doctor who groomed him for his purposes and unethically tested on him & then kept him a prisoner for roughly a decade (my guess). Is it really so hard to believe that his reaction to finally becoming free, getting back the power and agency they stole from him, and having to flee the place while workers of the establishment that abused him try to chain you back, you’d overly react? You wouldn’t have an emotional breakdown, an episode, a violent and vengeful burst? Who’s to say if your survival mode didn’t make you go on autopilot? That is an abused, mentally ill psychologically vulnerable young man who has never been treated with understanding or love nor therapy. He has spent more years in the lab than Eleven, and we all know how much it messed her up. In this same season 4 we saw how Eleven’s reaction to emotional distress is violence, when she tried to use her powers against her bully, and later with the rollerskate assault. We literally saw how the kids in the lab were pitched against each other and would torment each other, and use excessive force in experiment matches. They were literally raised to respond to conflict by being the stronger one in a fight. They want to survive and thrive, have learned survival of the fittest, and so prioritize themselves, it’s simple. ASPD is born from trauma. ASPD forms as a defense & coping mechanism. You would have forgiven Eleven for doing the same thing. Why is Henry Creel irredeemable even in the best world? Framing, is when.

Conclusions

You can’t just... Divorce things from their irl parallels or effects. You can’t have Henry Creel having explicitely neurodivergent experiences and encourage inherently fearing him for it. You absolutely CANNOT have the whole “these animals are misunderstood and perceived as scary by most, just like me” and DOUBLE DOWN on that by making that animal a scary symbolic thing for the main villain that is supposed to make your skin crawl and personify evil and has caused every horror that has happened in the show. It’s... It’s just so cruel. I don’t get it? I don’t understand. How can you have a speech on something just wanting to live its life unbothered and being stigmatized by everyone for no reason and going “yeah that’s 100% justified and you shouldn’t sympathize with them at all actually. If you do sympathize then that means there’s also something wrong with you”

And it’s such??? A wild take. It feels like the text is at war with itself, with what it sets up and states and what it does the next second. I can’t process that anything else but a sympathizing scene will happen in the climax with all the subtext of trauma and the contradictions that exists with the season as it currently is, but also I can’t see how they would handle a redemption or anything of the like, all while the episode/show is really going the “oh look at the scary mentally ill person!!” route so??? Wtf is going on. It’s such a wild 180, the before reveal and post-reveal season 4 characterisations, plotlines and themes feel so disjointed. What is up with the writing They literally went "I am so rejected by my peers that I latch onto this misunderstood, feared spider because I relate to its ostracization and struggle." And then the show goes "Yeah, you should fear him and those spiders. The spiders will come at you in horrific hallucinations, and Henry was born a murderous murder whose only way to cure is to be killed" that’s just so cruel of a narrative wow ok bruh

No, you can’t have the “omg this character is not normal, so scary” trap for your neurotypical audience and then at the last ep go “actually we were woke all along :)”. You didn’t frame this as some tragic character, you framed it as a monster who finally got unleashed, someone who tricked El into helping him commit atrocities despite it not being his intentions, attitude nor goal. It’s scary how quickly people are to believe the “Henry was manipulating Eleven all along” despite him never lying, pushing Eleven to do things, or even attempting to control her. Even at his most unstable and unfavorable to Eleven, during their confrontation, Eleven was the first to strike, and Henry didn’t say anything about forcing her to join him, just tried to convince her he is the righteous one and she should help him in his mission, tbh it kinda seems as if it hadn’t occured to him she might want to not join him at all. I’m not saying the threat at that point wasn’t there, I’m saying that to say everything Henry’s done was in the goal to manipulate and groom her with ill intentions is delusional, but that’s not a random conclusion, nor your fault. The show wants you to think that, with how his character’s demeanor shift, because he has stopped masking his more off-putting posture and tone, how the reveal of him being the big bad since season 1 comes into place at the same time, wow, he’s a mastermind! No, he’s an overpowered, lost, abused young guy who just digged himself deeper in his self-destructive coping mechanism. All the Vecna stuff comes in much, much later, and all he did before that was trying to show Eleven that she’s being abused and breaking her free of that abuse, then accepting her help when she offers to free him despite his reluctance. Was Henry wrong to tell her that Papa lies, to give her the chance to flee? Should he not have done that? And you might go “wait wait wait, you mean that facial expression and demeanor in the labs, besides a breakdown or mental illness episode, could also just be how Henry behaves when he’s not trying to appear neurotypical, when he’s not masking?”  Yes.  “Wow, it truly is so creepy, you can’t tell me anyone that isn’t a murderous freak would have body language like that! No wonder people wanted doctors to fix him and to forcibly internalize him into abusive psych wards, and keep him restrained!”  Wow, you have so many ableist conceptions to work through and get rid off, no wonder Henry wanted you dead <3

People would have been pissed if Henry was treated just as the abused sad boy who did a bad thing for a good reason, but it’s still necessary to acknowledge that abuse and how it further shaped the abuser they have become, and I’m pissed that he’s treated just as some emotionless monster who is incapable of good or nuance ever. It’s not about changing the story, it’s about giving the right amount of accountability while not making the character one note. Stranger Things having a one note evil monster human villain would have been fine, IF they didn’t make the character & their backstory so explicitely neurodivergent coded. How even do you screw up this bad. This was intentionally done, writing & framing doesn’t just happen. Why? The choice was either to capitalize on ableist demonization horror, or have it be subversed later on, but no matter what, it’s still a wildly ableist choice. You wrote Henry Creel as a complex human, why aren’t you treating him as one?

It’s very similar to Azula from atla, really. Child with traumatic childhood and misbehavior grows up somewhat and gets pictured as a mentally disturbed beacon of evil with no other motivation than inflicting pain ever. The show clearly shows aspects that would have you sympathize or understand to a degree, but has a strange obsession with playing ominous music every time they are on screen and manipulates the viewer to interpret every single of their actions as having ill intent. Azula was an abused child soldier who still tried to help her estranged brother despite getting nothing from it. Henry wanted to help El escape from the lab where she obviously should leave asap and asked nothing of her, the plan only changed because she, unprompted, took the initiative to help him in turn despite getting no encouragement before or after from him about it. The show & fandom in both cases are obsessed about all of their actions being manipulative, unwilling to consider that maybe yes, Azula didn’t want to have her brother killed and yes, maybe Henry just wanted to have the abused kid & kindred spirit he felt a connection with be free from the hell they lived in. If you don’t believe me about Azula, there are plenty of objective Azula scene & character analysis on Tumblr. This post is also interesting for the conversation at hand. I honestly could link so many things that support my other general claims and explain why things are wrong but man this could get so huge. This is such a prominent issue in pop culture and everyone is so ready to jump to the defense of ableist depictions of villains, ironically.

Is this why they made Robin autistic all of a sudden, because they knew their main villain storyline was ableist af... 🤭🤭 Anyways yeah Henry joins my pile of ND antagonists that were done dirty by canon

Henry Creel could have been written so well. The crumbs are all there, I could do a psychology analysis of him with his childhood and thought processes and have him still be exactly as he is on screen while being a complex, three dimensional villain. But nooo we get autism & ASPD fearmongering, alright.

There would have been soooo many ways to dehumanize Henry, to make him some heartless creepy monster, without making his whole aesthetic being neurodivergent = evil. They literally just had to not make his experiences be a copy of a neurodivergent kid growing up in an era very hostile and unaccommodating for people different like him. Like we see Eddie being treated, and even then Henry prob had it worse at least in some ways. They literally just had to not put his character through abuse and ostracization and then there would have been no reason to sympathize at all. A child who has enough issues to murder his family through fire is a child that has issues and needs help, not to be further demonized and cement their "me versus the world" mentality. They just had to not do these things, not even to do something else, just to take those out. Henry would have still been demonized by mannerism that is often shared with autistic people, amongst others, and would have still done all the horrible shit he did, but at least then the parallels would be much less worse, it wouldn’t be so overtly ableist and neurodivergent people wouldn’t feel hurt watching it.

Before this ends I do want to say that no, obviously, I don’t support Henry killing anyone, nor any of his bad actions. I don’t want to excuse it, and him getting some level of punishment is deserved, though rehabilitation is really more my jam, and if the punishment only reinforces the thought processes he gained as a defense mechanism... You know what I’m saying? It’s frankly immature to look at such an obviously morally complex story and characters and just, treat it the way they have? It’s disgusting. I guess I really shouldn’t be surprised about this from the show who depicts anything russian... That way though, lol... This was pretty emotional and unpolished, aka repetitive and ungraceful, but yeah I just hope I won’t cause a fandom war or get shit on or smth. It’s all just :(  The stench of ableism is just undeniable and I’m both mad and disappointed, I just hope the latter end of the season will amend it somewhat. Was the episode low on time or something? Did the whole “actually yeah your heart is supposed to wrench in sympathy for him and the show frames it as super tragic and sad for him to have been pushed to become this way” and by “this way” I mean irredeemable in their eyes just go over my head or something? Must be my autism <3  I’mma still watch the show, and I cast no moral judgements for other fans, especially since a lof of this is the framing of the show manipulating the audience, but if you love the whole Henry backstory and how it was executed, at least understand/aknowledge how deeply problematic it was handled.

Part two (yep, those were all part one thoughts)

UPDATE - season 4 part 2

Wow it really got better! Sike it only got worse. I had hope during many moments in ep 8 to be honest. I really thought Eleven was processing the trauma of Henry turning out to be evil and having mixed feelings and all, like with the scene where she watched Max & co talk about him and how to take him down. The fact that “Henry’s just like Eleven, a supernatural gifted kid & kinda doesn’t fit in” and “So, how do we take Henry, the monster, down?” were said so closely next to each other and so casually, coupled with Eleven’s upset expression, really had me thinking that Eleven was upset to see Henry, an ex-friend and kindred spirit, as this monster they had to put down, and to be likened to him so much. I even expected that maybe the next thing one would say would be “Well, what are Eleven’s weaknesses we could exploit to kill Henry?” which would have been horrifying for her for sure, to have that parallel so easily not only be drawn but exploited for the murder of one.

The neurodivergent lines and parallels about Eleven are also still ongoing, so that solidifies that Henry is intentionally neurodivergent coded as well.

Papa’s death

I have my beef with Papa’s death and how it was handled. 

Particularly, it’s really sad how all the other kids in the labs don’t matter beyond adding trauma flavor to Eleven. When she’s having cryptic flashback at first, she’s horrified at what she thinks she did, but not that much because of who they were. Afterward, she’s sad about it, but again, more in an horrified empathetic way rather than truly mourning them, it’s about her trauma, not them. Father is... Well it’s kind of left up to the audience to interpret how he reacted to Eleven, if like Henry said Papa only got more scared of her because of it, if he got intrigued by this new power and urges he thought she got, if he understood immediately that she freed 001 like implied, or if he was disapproving of Eleven for making him lose all his other experiments, or even sad at losing all these children. In the end, even if it’s very obvious to the audience that those kids were just traumatized children trying to get by in an abusive environment, how the show treats them is kinda dehumanizing, as mere plot devices. Eleven cried at the show of evil, because of guilt and maybe suppressed mourning, and Father pretty much dismisses their loss after the event. So that’s how their deaths were handled and shown, but how is the aftermath of it treated? Well it just isn’t mentioned. Not by any character, not beyond a “how could you let Henry be in proximity with these kids he ended up murdering!” which is about villifying Henry and questioning Father’s, an unquestionable figure of authority and all-knowing well-meaning caretaker put on a pedestral choices up to that point, and not really about the kids. Or a “all these deaths!” which isn’t about the kids, but about the virtue signalling. It’s not about them, it’s about Henry and the conflict between Eleven and Father, the arcs that the two are going through, of questioning that authority figure who’s always had a grip on her life, and of falling down his pedestral with others as well as with his own convictions. It’s not about them. 

The episode is about Eleven, and Father and Henry. The arc shown about Father getting what he deserves isn’t about all the horrible things Father has done, getting confronted with them, attempting to atone or repress their memories or anything, it’s about Eleven rejecting him and everything he has taught.  Let me repeat this. The episode where Father gets called out is about his treatment of Eleven, and Eleven first and foremost, if not ONLY. The level to which they acknowledge Father abused everyone else just as much as Eleven is very weak.

Please, let’s acknowledge how messed up, truly nauseatingly fucking MESSED UP it is that Papa gets told (paraphrasing bc I watched the ep in french) “You kept Henry imprisoned at the labs for so long... With all of us!” I was so positively stunned when Eleven said the first part with such resentful rage. Yes, Henry was abused, too! Papa kept all of you prisoners! He is why Henry got reaffirmed in his belief that humanity are a selfish and spineless disease to wipe out! He traumatized you all, traumatized him even further! But no. The reproach isn’t that Henry shouldn’t have been treated as some subhuman scientific experiment, it’s that he allowed monster murderous Henry to share their vicinity. That of course Papa should have known, if Henry was living with them for such a prolonged time, he was bound to eventually kill them! Can Henry just never have human contact ever again then?? How is anyone surprised Henry never got better when this is how everyone treats him. You don’t want Henry to get better, you want ease of mind from his existence, and killing him erases the problem just fine so why bother? Did you know, that a lot of professional therapists and programs deny cases that are “too severe”, even if the individual seeks help and self-improvement? A lot of people turn away patients with cluster b disorders just because the disorders, their perceived symptoms and perceived unstability scares them, even if the individual is harmless. Everyone tells pedos (regardless of criminal record if any) to seek help with a sneer, for example, but no one wants to be the person to offer that help, no even those whose literal job it is, and that’s why this question is one that is asked to anyone looking to become a psychologist. “Would you be willing/strong enough to accept to work with [insert type of patient]?”. Most of people’s answers are no. You don’t want them to get better, you want them to rot in prison away from the world until they die. I take no pleasure in saying this, but it is a real issue, and one that most people refuse to acknowledge. You don’t want Henry to get better, because you don’t trust his capacity nor worthiness of getting better, and that’s an issue, and that is ableist, but the blame is shared with the show because it encourages you to think that way, and the arguments it gives in support of this stance are ableist and insidious.

It really is truly horrifyingly dehumanizing to see how they categorically refuse to see Henry as a victim of abuse and trauma in any capacity, how they deny his complexity and capacity for non-evil so much. Eleven implies that yeah, it’s okay if Henry is locked up, in fact, he should never be allowed near anyone! He should have been killed as a baby! Because death was the only solution and getting him the earlier the better! It’s sad that Eleven doesn’t have even a shred of sympathy for him, considering how indeed similar they were and how they connected, how he was her only ally for such a harsh prolonged period of her life. She doesn’t even mourn the person she thought he was, couldn’t show the same sympathy for the victim of a same abuser the same way she has to the ones who injured and bullied her instead of helping her, albeit in a misguided way. The “You’re the monster” at Papa almost feels like an admittance that Henry isn’t fully to blame for his trauma? But mind the almost, the show still said Papa’s mistake was allowing the dangerous child he’s been abusing to be with other unstable kids. Yeah I’m sure it really helped how Papa encouraged violence (pitting the kids against each other in unfriendly fights, without punishing excessive use of strenght to hurt, and even rewarding shows of excessive violence by being impressed, beyond the obvious extra play time. Truly encouraging the survival of the fittest rule where the strong deserve to torment the weak) all while fueling his cynical hatred of humanity. I’m sure Henry would have grown to become Vecna no matter what happened to him, that the same would have happened if he got a shred of a healthy support system for once, if he hadn’t put into the hands of a system that wants him either assimilated or dead.

It doesn’t hurt because we needed speeches on the nature of abuse, it hurts because Stranger things is pushing ableist, anti-rehabilitation, anti-recovery narratives. Henry was born the devil, fated to become the dangerous monster he now is, and death is the only mercy for them all. It could be such an interesting complex take on Eleven’s character as well, of refusing all of Henry’s existing complexity and genuine interactions the two ever had because of the trauma the reveal caused, on how she needs to stop thinking so black and white, that she is not a monster for choosing fight in fight or flight, but still having an arc of deconstructing how she was taught to respond to conflict and distress by violence, because it is wrong. But no, we have milktoast pure evil vs born good and empathetic humans that must hatch it out and “no actually I’m not a monster I just needed to break free from your hold, Papa. But that guy? Yeah there was never any hope y’know some people are just born like that and can’t be fixed” 

BUT on the other hand! I got really scared when Father started talking about how all he did was selfless & for Eleven, BUT Eleven didn’t validate or reassure him at all in the end even not as a dying wish, which I really really liked. Like yeah, she can be conflicted and heartbroken and sad over his death, of course, she can hold his hand or whatever, but I’m really super glad she (and the writers) didn’t cross that line of giving him unearned peace and validation by lying about how all the horrible selfish abuse he did was done caringly in some twisted way, and I’m so glad that narrative wasn’t truly pushed. He’s a delusional man who did horrible things and died desperately trying to justify them, and that is fitting.

In conclusion, I continue to be hurt. The gaslighting of the show only makes me more upset. I question the validity of my interpretation and experiences, and wonder if I have the right to be hurt. It tests my sense of self and moral convictions. But logic prevails all and here I am like, 5k later still holding strong. It’s not about defending murder man, it’s about aknowledging the facts of the literal show that Henry was in fact a victim of abuse, how that shouldn’t be brushed off as something that didn’t influence him at all and that, worse, he deserved, and also the basic human compassion principle that everyone is capable of good if given the right environment.

2nd conclusion

Y’all love the “I am the righteous hand of god” tiktoks about the kids fighting back their abusive parent with weapons so much, but when it’s the fictional literal dehumanized kid that’s different and has been told he needs to be fixed all his life showing visions to his parents of their worst actions out of some misguided sense of justice, then lashes out and fights back against his family after they try to get him forcibly hospitalized (into the system that got him abusively imprisoned and groomed for a decade, might I add. Justified fear to have, let’s just say), then goes on some murderous crusade of the ones who hurt him and his bestie after a decade of imprisonment and relentless abuse and are still trying to drag him back into chains, and suddenly you can’t understand it at all? Suddenly violence and confrontation isn’t a response to abuse, a fight or flight survival mechanism, that you can stomach? Where’s the empowering framing and catharsis now?

Like idk how to get you to understand, it’s literally maladaptive abuse responses because you maladaptively develop when you live in abusive environments and get exposed to trauma. It’s literally the “but is it justice or justified to bully the bully” age-old dilemma. What’s not clicking?? That doesn’t make it right it just means Henry isn’t a demonic shell of a human being and you’re not only demonizing this fictional character but also everyone who went through a similar struggle a similar way. It’s not a hard thesis to grasp.

Just to be clear for the umpteenth time, none of Henry’s actions are acceptable. I personally don’t see any of his interactions with Eleven as intentionally manipulative or insidious, I genuinely think he was trying to help selflessly and genuinely connecting with no underlying or evil intentions. I personally see Henry’s response to being set free in the labs of going after everyone who hurt him and could continue the horrible legacy of the labs, people who could search for him and drag him back like we see Papa do with Eleven through the seasons, in some emotional rageful trauma response to be justified. Justified, not acceptable. 

Why would Henry kill everyone, including the kids? 1) We’re shown that the staff wants to chain him back and are very fine trying to use violence to do so. First and foremost, Henry fighting back is self-defense because he wants to get out and stay free. It’s pretty much life or death for him at that point, even if they only want to chain him again, it’s not much better than life, is it. That can easily spiral into killing everyone he comes across, because even if they run away they might be getting help or weapons, and at some point there’s no time to gauge a reaction. Then that can veryyy easily devolve into... 2) he’s having some sort of breakdown. After a decade stuck in a prison, he’s finally, finally free but the fight has just begun and as he has to defend himself against everyone coping & defense mechanisms activate and he’s put on autopilot, wether it makes him numb or with some twisted glee of satisfaction, both would sadly be responses of trauma that are valid to be seen as such. 3) The staff is trying to get him back. What if, even if he runs away, the labs would try to track him down and drag him back? That’s is a very sound hypothesis, and one confirmed since we see what happens with Eleven. The only true escape is to kill anyone that could come for him. Kill absolutely everyone involved in the labs. Also, since we see that Henry wanted to get Eleven out, him erasing everything of the labs could be a way to ensure others aren’t dragged into the experiments, for the legacy of the labs to be unable to live on. Though I don’t believe that Henry had so much foresight into the future at that stressful moment to have a reasoning like “I can’t let other superpowered kids alive or they might end up fighting against me”, and it’d feel disjointed from the rest and the tone as a main motivation. 5) Revenge. Those people imprisoned him and Eleven, bullied Eleven. He will kill them all for the way they hurt him and the one person he cares about. In his eyes, either they’re unworthy of life, or it’s really just to deal punishment and gain satisfaction from it. In this category I’d also put his life mission of exterminating humans, might as well start fulfilling it right away.

Why would he kill everyone but El? The show is very explicit about it. Henry sees himself in Eleven, a talented yet quiet and recluse misfit outcast, and feels some connection with her for it. Tbh it’s kind of canonicaly explicitely the neurodivergent spidey senses lmao. Anyways, and Henry got attached to her in that way, and wanted her free out of the labs. He didn’t want harm to come to her, she’s special, the exception, and if the opportunity arises he’d love to have her beside him as he does his genocide thing. He wouldn’t hurt El unprovoked, he even tried to talk/"reason" her into seeing things his way with his speech about his life and human nature. I think he sees himself as her guardian, in a way, a big reason for why he wanted her to wait safely in the closet.

The “visions of past guilt” he inflicted on his family is obviously a terrible, non-justifiable thing to do, but as a kid we’re taught very firmly that justice should be dealt and bad actions should be adressed, and to me it isn’t so wild that upon finding out the terrible horrible shit his family has done, would respond to that trauma by making them confront it alongside him who learned about it all, judging that they haven’t atoned for it enough since he, their son, never knew about it and never saw them sorry for it. It only solidified his unflattering view of humans as callous, immoral selfish creatures, and by then yeah I think that was set in stone enough for him to be ok with murder. But I do think killing his family was... Handled in the show in a weird way that makes it hard for me to suspend my disbelief and not just see the obvious attempt to dehumanize him fully? Like it was really cold, said matter of factly like “Yes, just as I’d planned they all died then and I wasn’t blamed for it. I never cared for them and I felt nothing but satisfaction at a plan well executed. I have never thought about them since, and continued my path into ridding the world of the human leeches”, and? Ok dude, go off I guess. Personally, so as for it not to totally break my interpretation of him as someone who isn’t a one dimensional personification of bloodlust, I see it as him overtly lashing out in the moment, and at the very grave results try to distance himself emotionally from it and act as if it doesn’t matter and he’d have done it anyways. An emotional lash out, response to fear and abuse and distress and a need to protect himself, like when he was free from the chip and the lab wanted to chain him back, like when Eleven got bullied to the point of meltdown.

And if I can give good faith to Eleven for not only being sad at the deaths of her cellmates out of guilt, and that she’s maybe suppressing all the positive she once associated with Henry and didn’t just do a one-dimensional emotionally detached 180 on her stance about him, then I can give good faith to a traumatized, abused Henry who’s never had a good support system and so latched onto spiders because he was just that lonely and otherized for making himself believe that his murder of his family was entirely planned and meaningful, because not being emotionally detached about it and realizing it was a senseless spill of blood would be too painful. I can give good faith that he doesn’t just have some black hole of bloodlust inside, and that if he does that’s born of a coping mechanism, but fundamentally it’s just flawed ideologies based on the need to give his difference and ostracization from other, normal humans, a deeper meaning than just “I have suffered so much because humans are flawed, and that suffering was senseless. But that’s okay, and I need to work through that and let things go, despite that in my era there are no ressources or common compassion for people like me”. Because “we all have good. They say that I’m evil and broken, but I think they’re the ones who are flawed, evil, and should be fixed. But I understand that that course of action is flawed, and none of us are evil and should be purged from the world. There is no need to continue the cycle of abuse and treat them like they have treated me. Coexisting won’t be easy, but I have to be the bigger person and try to make the world a better place in a way that doesn’t involve what they would do to me if they could. Murder is bad and shouldn’t be done, but they do bad things to me that shouldn’t be done and that’s deemed okay, but that doesn’t make murdering them okay because doing bad things don’t make them irredeemably bad people” isn’t the kind of lesson a literal child will usually work through and come to on his own, not when he’s hurting so much and trying to give meaning to his life, hence his “I must purge the world from humanity” mission. I think this might be my best way of phrasing this yet. Do you see? Do you see how cruel and senseless it is?

I want to continue watching Stranger Things, I liked the season so much before they pulled this, but it really hurts when they make me feel the urge to type out multiple essays attempting to defend an abuse victim’s humanity to the majority who is willingfully convinced that he doesn’t deserve basic compassion. I hate how even without looking at how people on tumblr talk about him, the ambiance and text of the show invalidate him so much and make me feel the need to add a paragraph on here about how “no, I haven’t had these experiences, I can just understand Henry’s way of thinking through logical hypothetics because as an autistic who’s only autistic I have learned to put myself in others’ shoes to mask better. No I haven’t killed animals willingly and no I never have violent meltdowns” because, while true, I know it’s because I’m so scared that people will look at this post and go “Look! If she can sympathize to these experiences, she’s dangerous and crazy, too!”, because that is the atmosphere Stranger Things season 4 has built up, and because I know from experience that some people will react like this, because I will be judged and my words and experiences will be devalued for it. 

I am desperately afraid of people knowing I don’t hate Henry Creel with every fiber of my being, that I like spiders too, and Harry Potter’s demonization of snakes only inspire me to preach how great they are, that I headcanon my faves to have ASPD and NPD and while it adds to their struggle it’s not treated as something to be fixed, that empathizing with morally ambiguous characters who prioritize themselves is healing to me, and that all of these help me cope with life and how rough and meaningless it is. But you know what? I know that, I aknowledge that. But I want, I choose to, stand by these things. I am against demonizing people for neurodivergence and mental health struggles when they should be getting help and compassion, and you should too. Henry Creel’s framing is actively damaging, to both stigmatized neurodivergent and/or mentally ill people who need help instead of judgement, and to the greater public who gets taught that neurodivergent people are beasts to be seen as threats to evaluate and contain. It reinforces wider ableism, as well as internalized ableism.

Episode 9

It took... Almost a month for me to do any sort of retrospective on this episode. My biggest wish was fulfilled. The show explicitely recognized that Henry was abused at the hands of Papa, too. And... It was very underwhelming. Pretty disappointing. But I got it! I can’t complain, right? Well I will anyways bc I will not be restrained.

The whole speech of “you were abused too, and you can become better it isn’t too late” by Eleven felt very tacked on, very out of nowhere, unearned and not genuine. You’re telling me that you tried to kill him like 3 times before trying to have a single convo of any kind, and in the end Vecna needed to pin you to the wall and threaten everything you hold dear for you to extend to him the barest shred of recognition of humanity and compassion and not quite believe your words even as you’re saying them? Yeah... Sure. To be honest, it felt a lot like virtue signalling Eleven being good and the better person more than really to make the characters or the audience entertain the thought that Vecna might have some good and capacity for growth in him somewhere. Once again, a scene about Henry’s trauma is more about Eleven than it truly is about him. But? As for acknowledging that Henry Creel is a victim of abuse and has gone through though shit, that’s good enough for me. But I debated a long time on if this essay should still be posted then, and I do think it should be. A small, half-hearted half-assed concession that his humanity existed at some point does not erase the framing and all the damage it has done.

A recurring thing I hate with how they did Henry is the aftermath with Eleven. Like, Henry was kind of her only ally in the place that abused her for so long? She was friends with him? They shared secrets, and some trust bond that didn’t seem wholy one-sided from Henry? And you’re just going to throw that all away and think the audience will believe there’s no remaining feelings about it? The show seems to go down the route that the reveal traumatized her a lot, so from then on she responded to Henry with immediate violence and intense hostility. If she sees him as a one-dimensional villain who manipulated her and can do no good, then she can’t be conflicted about the nice moments she shared with him, the good she thought she saw there, and the pain of losing the closest thing she had ever had to a friend. So she suppresses thinking deeper about Henry and respond to confrontation of him or the topic of him by being very hostile towards anything him. But then the last scene?? Doesn’t really work because she hasn’t undone that at all. She doesn’t sound sincere when she says it. Her back is to a literal and figurative wall, Vecna is going to kill all her friends, and now, now after trying to kill him many times over without even attempting to talk, now you’re going to appeal to his humanity? It doesn’t feel like a change of perspective, it feels like a desperate, last ditch attempt to win the war and get out alive. Which is why it feels fake af

It’s really ironic how Stranger Things season 4 really just reinforces Vecna’s beliefs. Humans are vermins who go by the survival of the fittest rule. Everyone treated Henry like shit at every stage of his life. Papa made the kids fight each other for basic needs rewards. He could flee the facility if he wanted because he was the strongest, but he wasn’t so Eleven won. Eleven was going to crush him mercilessly, but he had her by the throat, and suddenly she’s willing to allow the thought of him having a crumb of humanity.

Oh and I forgot to mention it but they used the psycho word derogatorily on Jason which... Just pretty much confirms that they don’t care about being insensitive and explicitely ableist. Jason doesn’t even truly fit most of the criterias, get it right. Jason alongside Henry is prob going to be one of the most hated Stranger Things character ever, and the writers knew that, which is why the choice of word as Lucas delivers a beating and he dies in the unleashment of the apocalypse without a spare glance all the more telling. Like, I do really hate Jason as much as the next person, but can we appreciate that the show explicitely showed us that he was grieving intensely, and how the way society behaved around Jason and people like him had a huge part in why he turned out the way he did? Get this, Jason is portrayed to have more emotional depth than Henry Creel! The bar is so low lol...

Final thoughts on the season

Ok hot take but not really, but I was lowkey pissed at how the season just, doesn’t talk about Lucas and sports at all? The show kinda implies that he joined the basketball team and everything just for the status, to be accepted and all, but does Lucas just not care about the sport at all?? Does he not like basketball?? Is he naturally gifted to have landed that winning score or did he spend many hours desperately training to have a chance of popular kids accepting him? We don’t know!! Why don’t we know when that’s like, such an obvious loose thread! I always kinda just thought that he, y’know, wanted to do basketball on the basketball team but the way it’s all done and how Lucas says smth like "I should never have joined the team bc they suck and i have u guys" in the last ep and I was like?? So was the basketball just a secondary thing to making the team or? To be clear, there’s nothing wrong with that narrative, it’s actually really compelling. But the thing is that the show doesn’t address it at all, it kinda implies it but doesn’t state anything or does anything with it so it kinda just dies a no closure death and feels off and ruins the potential when all the right cards for it were already laid out. Actually that last criticism is a common flaw i’ve found throughout the season tbh. Putting all the crumbs necessary for cool pay-off or plot twists, then just doing nothing with it or worse, dismissing them and contradicting them. Sooo are we just going to ignore Henry was abused for like, a decade and his parents wanted a doctor to fix him and apparently they’ve done terrible shit like possibly set fire on a baby or smth??? Ok yeah ig we’re just not going to address that at all until like the last 10 minutes half-heartedly maybe, also u get no deeper answers, and was Henry an abuse victim truly? Up for debate, apparently, which it shouldn’t bc it’s pretty explicity but the show likes to gaslight ig Ronance? Eddissy? Shit, we the writers def noticed the glaring chemistry but it’s too late to make changes to the script now so let’s just keep everything the same & have it both ways and never address the obvious sparks flying. Oh and let’s not ever have the main cast talk much about Chrissy or have Eddie like, grieve or talk about her at all besides self-pity and trauma? Was the whole Jason plotline really the biggest reason for Chrissy to be important? When you examine it deeper it, kinda just feels sour and stale. And I’ve got other examples but I’ll stop here, I kinda sound way too nitpicky. But point is, this season just had so many subplots that went nowhere with no closure, narratively or thematically.

The thing is! The show keeps wanting to act as if Henry is this unreasonable guy always scheming and manipulating but! He’s just a traumatized dude with murderous convictions! Convictions can be changed! The guy latched onto spiders as a kid, he’s never formed a meaningful relationship with anyone ever, never had someone to fully support him or help him through things, and the one kid he did form a connection with ends up stabbing him in the back without a second thought? How is that supposed to make him deescalate or deradicalize? How is that supposed to change his mind on being a loner and humans being beneath him? I’m not saying it was imperative for El to accept him or whatever, it makes a lotta sense she doesn’t, but I’m saying it’s no wonder how it further cements him in his way.  Even in the aftermath of her killing him, he can’t let go of the one bond he’s made fully. Eleven becomes his one true rival. She’s still special. He still cares, in a weird twisted way.

So the show wants us to see the reveal and be all "omg he was manipulating her all along!!" Um, no? If you think back on it at all, you’ll see that not really. Henry gives Eleven advice to survive in the labs and try to thrive as they can. "Papa always lies", yeah? That’s true? He gives her genuine advice that works. In a way, he’s also pushing her onto becoming the top kid, and using anger and power to do so, but again, he was taught that way too I don’t think we can fault him for that, especially not if it works. That place is built on that, if agression is the response that’s rewarded in those abusive living conditions, can we fault them for playing by the rules instead of getting crushed under the others’ boots? In a way, the other kids who bully El also represent the "it’s me against the world" mentality Henry has, it’s not just El’s bullies, it’s also Henry’s childhood bullies and everyone else trying to keep him down. It’s the ones who don’t understand him, who fear him, the neurotypical bullies. Okok yeah so- Henry wants to get Eleven out. He truly, genuinely wants to. He can run away himself, but if he can help her get out, her who he sees himself in, why wouldn’t he? He was never going to mention his chip. Eleven turned around at the last moment, so close to freedom, and was like, "Wait, I want you to come with :(". Henry shows her his chip, resigned, and doesn’t suggest anything about it. Eleven thinks of the way to help him and volunteers and insists. Henry doesn’t hurry about it, doesn’t cheer, doesn’t do anything. She frees him, and he’s grateful for it, and then after carving his way out of the labs with corpses they’ll run away together and idk find life goals outside in the world. Where?? Where was the manipulation?? Bc he gave her true advice?? Because he let her free him the way she thought up of?? He never suggested anything about it! Esp since like, Henry wasn’t even truly allowed to talk to them in the labs or anything. As soon as the reveal happens, El is in a "kill as soon as possible without mercy" mode. As soon as the reveal happens, the only right way to deal with Henry Creel is to kill him, and someone should have killed him as a baby so he couldn’t have hurt anyone and become the monster he was bound to become :) OKAY

Henry is, like implied earlier, in many ways like Billy. Hurt people hurt people. The cycle of abuse. To become stronger than his dad, able to survive in his household and then stand up to him, he had to toughen himself up and put himself in his dad’s shoes of what his dad values to be able to fight against it. He had to become strong, so he became twisted. And it worked. He’s alive, top of the school and household when his dad isn’t there. To become stronger than the monster he became a bigger one. It’s survival. With Henry, it’s more to prevent further pain and abuse, but it’s kind of the same thing. "I’m broken? I’m prophecized to become the dark lord and you’re terrified of me? You want to take away my power and autonomy because you’re scared of what I might do when you mistreat me? Well, if this is to be my destiny, I’ll give it to you, and then nothing will be able to chain me back"

And you see this is what I mean by the season being weird! Because like, the shows reinforces that that’s the correct way to see him! That he is a ticking bomb and heartless monster and Eleven and the guys, our moral heroes, should try to kill him without a thought. Well, except for that 1 throwaway speech in the last ep ig lol. Again: "I relate to this spider bc people hate and fear us but we just wanna be" = the show portraying him as the epitome of evil with no possibility for good or growth and everyone ever in the show thinks that about him. Again. This is always what I keep going back to. The spider. He wants to be like the spiders. He want to live carefreely and mind his business in lonesome peace. This kid is so broken, but the thing is that when I say that, I don’t mean that he was born this way. People never gave him or the spiders a chance to be something else. They broke him.

A kid doesn’t tap into his parents’ deepest regrets and make them relieve them in some twisted sense of justice for no reason? Are we not going to talk about the kid having to see his adult parents’, who are supposed to represent safety and morality to a kid, worst misdeeds and guilt? The trauma that that would cause? That craddle on fire. If the parents had to grow emotionally detached to their misdeeds to keep the guilt from drowning them, can we blame Henry from growing detached to whatever attachment he might have had with his family? Can we blame his nihilism, him not reflecting about his actions and the damage they cause? No one ever bothered to ask what hurt him.  Are we never gonna address that his parents have always wanted to fix him? And by the show’s portrayal, they’re taking the route that "Yes, Henry has something broken in him that should be fixed, but he can’t so instead let’s just imprison & kill him that’s the best and only thing you can do" I can’t express how incredibly ableist this is. Do you see why I’m so fricking mad that they used explicitely neurodivergent narratives in his origin story?? Do you see why the Henry vs Eleven parallels is, yeah, kinda cool, but narratively wise is a "dangerous scary neurodivergent vs good and useful neurodivergent, learn to differenciate them only one is valid" and how that, like, literally parallels society’s wider ableist stigmatization and the way nazis categorized autistic people into categories of who deserved to live because they were smart enough and who to kill? I was watching the origin story of Henry, feeling for the kid relating to spiders and so lonely and miserable, and as I related the show played ominous music and all about the framing was designed to make us recoil in horror at every word, so what does it mean if I’m relating when I should be intrinsically repulsed?

Damaging ableism

Killing animals and other shit he went through are things that some real, irl kids go through, and they shouldn’t be put on a kill list for it, they can grow, they’re kids. It’s called conduct disorder, and it can be helped and redirected with therapists. Conduct disorder and other maladaptive behaviors most often form from trauma and abusive living conditions. A kid’s animal abuse shouldn’t be the line you draw to judge their innate value and goodness. 

These below are very real things people with stigmatized disorders and mental illnesses face in real life, and things which Stranger Things supports with Henry Creel:  - Forced hospitalization and being involuntarily restrained are more common and more widely accepted.  - Having their diagnosis brought up in court to devalue their testimony and stances, to support a bias against them. - All of their actions ever are analyzed under the scope that their goal is to manipulate and/or done with ill intentions. Often tied with point above. - Similarly to above, having their feelings and experiences invalidated. Having their experiences gaslighted. Being seen as abusers immediately despite whatever they’ve done if anything, and unwillingness of being seen as abuse victim themselves, despite it being one of the biggest causes of some disorders. - Having their fight or flight and trauma responses judged as an action committed with full intents and capacities and as a way to assess their innate morality. - Can’t be trusted to make any choice ever, including what is good for them and their healing process. - Denied help by professionals due to being too much of a “tough/serious case”. Denied support by most for their diagnosis alone. - Not being able to open up about their issues to anyone because they will be judged and abandoned.

Other things Stranger Things encourages in dealing with neurodivergent people who make you uncomfortable with their symptoms: - Fearing and denying support for a neurodivergent child with or without conduct disorder, both if it’s your child or a patient. - The overall, extreme dehumanization of anyone who feels or seems creepy to you. Wether it be because of behavior, diagnosis or vibe, or whatever else.

I’ve debated with many of my friends on Henry Creel’s emotional turmor and humanity. My thesis every time: that Henry Creel was a victim of abuse and deserving of a sympathetic framing through it. Every time the other started hostile to the idea, very reluctant to the idea of him having emotional depth and issues that are born from pain and hurt. Every time, they ended up conceding that the show made things out to be much more black and white than they were. My point is that when doing these debates, a large portion of their points on how Henry never deserved sympathy were either ableist or easily explained by “yeah but that was largely caused by abuse, which is what I’m asking you to acknowledge”. Henry Creel’s portrayal actively drives people to be ableist and ungenerous to him, his experiences and his pain. Stranger Things said that Henry should have been forcibly hospitalized from a young age and never trusted in the presence of anyone, he should have been controlled as soon as possible and monitored carefully and closely. Stranger Things said Henry Creel isn’t capable of growing as a person, while never extending a genuine hand of help. Invalidated, evil and wrong on every point, abused for the majority of his life, Henry should have been able to grow and become better on his own without help because he doesn’t deserve help, and even with that growth who knows if he’s “truly” good now and if he deserves to be forgiven. When Henry Creel opened up about his perspective and life to the one person he had ever trusted and liked, that person immediately recoiled and violently lashed out at them. People keep using the ways Henry reacted to trauma as ammunition of how murderous and evil he is without attempting to seeing his point of view. People dismiss the idea of Henry having any positive intentions, thoughts, hobbies or feelings ever because he “has no empathy” and “insert other ableist reasoning”. The hatred of Henry Creel is one that is first and foremost built upon the denial of compassion. 

Hope? 

Yeah, if there’s one thing we can always hope for, it’s better for the next season. There are a lot of spots amiss. Will Stranger Things 5 come back and explain how his mother realized he was causing the visions? Will we learn more about the guilty horrific visions of their past horrible deeds? Is there any sort of redemption or de-escalation arc that’s on the table at all? 

This from the staff does give me hope. In the remaining time, Henry Creel’s character does a lot more harm to the neurodivergent community than good.

In the end, so far, the show tried as best as it could to fit Henry Creel in small square boxes. The same boxes that caused his core issues, and the same boxes that neurodivergent people don’t often fit into. 

Man. Wtf were they thinking. So much cool psychology themes potential but you make Vecna one note wtf. There is so much ground for interesting themes and you choose ableism wtf wtf. Why BLACK WIDOWS?? Why with that explanation??? If you wanted to make Henry a evil emotionless dude you should have chosen scorpions dude. Like? That tale of the scorpion that sunk itself and its ally after lying with the end punch of "Why did you sting me? Because I’m a scorpion." Would have been perfect and not ask for a deeper reading. But nooo it was "black widows are misunderstood and feared when they are just amoral beings that want to live and do nothing wrong” and for some reason they truly are born monsters according to the show.

I am sorry but the narrative of "I am so alienated from humanity that I will cling onto these ugly hated bugs living in my house that were just chilling to get any sense of belonging, we’re both so alike. We’re both miserable but have the power to not be helpless anymore. To have our turn being the ones in control of who has a right to live. And I’ll channel all that bitterness and hurt into making the world free of what has brought me pain and leave it objectively better for it" is just too raw and full of hurt that I will never not have empathy for him, and I will repeat this as many times as I have to.

Okay. This is as done as I’ll get it to be I think. Jesus. If people want to debate that’s fine but tbh I don’t think I’ll respond, I’ve debated and written so much already. Yeah some of this could be worded better but like, if you need me to be Shakespear to grant compassion I’m sorry to say that your compassion doesn’t mean much... To me, now, anyways.

Like I said it’s fine if u liked the way it was executed or whatever, you do you, as long as you acknowledge the problematic, deliberate choices I’ve done my job I think. If you don’t care about the ableist treatment though we’re gonna have beef, but pleaseee I’m anti-harassment just leave me alone and we’ll be fine.

Extra, lowkey relevant video to watch if you want, to grow perspective and empathy for those you deem too far gone: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=azRl1dI-Cts&ab_channel=TEDxTalks

[highest-tinfoilhat]

I'm pretty sure that my comfort TV shows all have "canon"™️ autistic characters and since I recently self diagnosed and have been learning more it seems more evident:

The IT Crowd

One of the 3 main characters, Moss (played by Richard Ayoade), is the most "obvious" autistic character. In the sense of how certain traits have become stereotypes with media representation. He misses social cues, avoids eye contact, has to know how many staples are in his stapler, can't read between the lines, etc. But after many rewatches my HC is that Jen and Roy are both on the spectrum too. Jen is really good at masking and has been able to maneuver neurotically spaces, probably out of compulsion/force. Roy doesnt care to mask as much but seems less obvious due to his non-stereotypical traits. His own gf called him "emotionally autistic"

MPGIS

They're really fucking dumb but tbh I mostly love how much and how they cuss. That and they have the most ridiculous quotes that get stuck in my head and make me giggle for the next 3-4 days. Trisha and Brittany have always been my favorite character. Brittany for the cursing (obviously) but Trisha has recently seemed aspie to me. Most obvious evident to me is season 1 episode 6 when she's talking to DeAndre. Sounds like conversation scripts to me but what frustrates her is that she is not getting the typical positive responses that neurotypicals have to chosen scripts.

Bob's Burgers

Tina Belcher is without a doubt on the spectrum to me. Seems self-explanatory to me. She has been my favorite character since I first started the show. Honorable mention for Teddy, i think he's on the spectrum too. [side note: the entire Belcher family is neurodivergent]

Jake and Amir

This YouTube series is dumb in all the best ways. My hc is that Amir is a product of very early pressures of masking/conforming by abusive parents. That trauma led to him desperately needing a sense of belonging so he grabs what are/were popular beliefs but all the worst ones. He tries to repeat common sayings without understanding the nuance of them. To boil it down, he was essentially pushed into psychopathic habits of chameleoning and imitating/faking emotions due to his severe social isolation. Am i overanalyzing? Yes of course! But that doesn't mean I'm wrong

Bojack Horseman

Now without a doubt Todd is neurodivergent and maybe it's self indulgent but i like to think he is ADHD and autistic. Can I actually think of "proof" right now? No but it's a head canon so....

I also think it of note that no matter diagnosis you throw on him, his character has never been invested in masking or trying to fit into neurotypical roles and rules. The man lives off of vibes and as someone who has recently stopped trying to have a full out plan for life i find it inspirational and a good model to follow

Justice League (2001)

I am specifically referencing the animated series because that is where I've seen the most Martian Manhunter content [outside of comics of course] The analogy of feeling alien hits with a lot of autistic people and i know i felt like that growing up as well. But the added feature that he can shape shift to "look normal" and fit in, is what really gets it for me. Obviously when shape shifted (i.e. masking) most of his (social) interactions go a lot smoother because he can play the part. But his attempts to be himself while connecting with the other JL members have been unfruitful or awkward. He's straight to the point and doesn't bother with giving false truths for the sake of someone's feeling - these most specifically align with austistic stereotypes and traits. Do i think the creators had that in mind? No but it's another hc i find comfort in

This is all I've got for now but if i think of more, I'll add more

[leos-regression-cove]

ok, now that the fun stuff is out of the way, let's talk about Clip Charts. I hate them... and I love them.

Why are they great? I love systems that categorize and track things and physical representations of data so I've always been fascinated by clip charts.

And why do I hate them? Because they exasperate teacher biases against students and moralize often neutral slightly disruptive behaviors and provide no solutions how to fix them. Often, the people most asked to clip up are white, neurotypical girls. Which is fine, but it also means that students with disabilities, boys, and non-white students are more likely to have their good behavior, no matter how well they behave, ignored, and their bad behavior picked out and publicly shamed.

I just remember how hard I'd try to be good and be good and how jealous I'd get of my nt peers who would get noticed. And how as soon as I messed up by telling another student to please not touch me or please stop talking I'd be told to clip down and the shame (as my only purpose in that life at that moment was impressing adults mostly because compensating by being REALLY into school was the only way I could mask) and the bullying that led to (I mean... if being ND wasn't already a massive source of it).

Anyway, fuck these things fr in a behavioral monitoring way, but I was thinking... maybe some of the concept isn't a lost cause.

Basically, this is a reconciliation of these issues for me and instead, is a way to use these in the "hey look cool data!" way and to show that clipping down isn't a bad thing! It's neutral or even a point of pride! It's good to be small and now it's just a way to show your cg/teacher that your age has shifted and you want to be treated differently.

Nursery/Daycare idea:

A growth-chart style graphic for Littles next to the door of the nursery that functions similar to a clip-chart so that Caregivers don't need to use cues from their Little to figure out how old they feel and so that Littles don't need to pick a hard number, but instead it's more organized by "height" (more like baby, toddler, preschooler, elementary school, middle school, middle and adult).

And then if you have two Littles you can have multiple clips and kiddos and move them around to keep track. This could also be helpful if you're a flip or are working with another flip!

Here's how I envision it looking :D

Original image from firstgradegalore.blogspot.com

[findaqueenwithoutaking]

I'm really not trying to start anything but... @filthforfriends​ For a start why did u say "There’s a part of me that doesn’t want to speculate on things an artist has chosen to keep quiet." but then still proceeded to do so? You said this for a reason.

1. None of your business. NEITHER is it your right to speculate just because people are famos or have money. They're still people and deserve privacy (autism might be a really private thing to them as it is for others). Goes for disorders, neurotypes, relationships, gender, physical health, mental health, whatever they do in their freetime & don't share, sexuality, religion. The person isn't part of the conversation, neither do you know if this person wants to be. 

2. It doesn't matter how positive you think it is or how much you think someone "looks" autistic or "like you". Everyone has opinions on other people and we all want to see ourselves in people but there's a difference in saying "Look, I do this too" and "Look, I do this too and I think it is 'cause he might is autistic/other".

3. I assume you didn’t think about it because we all think different and are taking pride in it but it can affect their relationships, how they see themselves - it could be good but it also could go terribly wrong -, their career, how others see them. There's always - as Twitter & some gossip magazines showed - a chance that they see it, that people they know see it or that it ends up in a magazine speculating in their own way, you can't complain about it then because you're essentially doing the same even when you think you did something good. It can lead to people asking questions they might don't want to answer - speculation will get them questions like this in the first place. You don't think about the fact that industries are ableist - different conversation. Hounding is a thing as well. You're not doing it, but for someone who doesn't know you and just assumes it could look like an invitation to do. 

(I assume that most of you never had contact or are friends with a person that is famous in one capacity or the other. I can guarantee you, you can't imagine what these people go through because of speculating and what people in their close proximity go through because of it as well because even if you think you can, it's not enough)

4. Maybe you’re right but that there's reason that it isn't public (none of your business, doesn't matter), people could start to mask more to hide it better after reading something like this instead of finding comfort because they probably are different than you. 

5. It's not the neurodivergence: It's unhelpful in general to speculate about someones neurotype. I'm also not calling Damiano allistic or theorize about it because I don't know that either and that could be damaging as well because I know nothing about them. Just because he "looks" like it for some people doesn't mean anything.

6. As much as they show of themselves, they're in the end really private people and always have been. People have different boundaries. Some of you're probably not old enough to remember the whole "controversy" involving Lionel Messi who as far as I'm aware still didn't say anything regarding it but because of the speculating and theorizing has to live with things like this even years after the initial speculating. Just because he didn't say he isn't okay with it, doesn't mean you should do it. People being ableist is not on you, but maybe bringing ableist people onto someone without even wanting it is.

7. It can easily look like autism has a certain "look" and that all people with autism have the same mannerisms which isn't true. I assume that you all know this but that people can easily assume this is what's being meant when people say things like this. Even if you mean good which I assume you do, it can still easily look like steorotyping people which I assume you don't want to do.

This sexualizing post was uncalled for as well or the people in the notes laughing and I assume most liking it as well. What a joke, wish I could still be giggling writing this about it all but no can’t. It was also uncalled for 'cause it came from you, the person with the peg me header. I don't think I have to remind you of all this because whatever the flying fuck duck all this is, it looks weird. If you feel like this is something you don't want to see them don't tag something that looks like you're literally masturbating to Thomas's covid swab because he "looked like enjoying it" to you. 

"#because I never tag my discourse" Some discourse you tagged. I initially blocked u a few weeks ago because of your continued rat talk. Some reblogging tagging it with discourse should have told you this much but I'll assume that you didn't see it and didn't see that this is discourse yourself. If you're so worried about Thomas seeing this why are you tagging your posts?🤔

Marta post isn't even discourse, it's gossip and it's damage to reputation ‘cause you’re putting a theory that could have real damage to her and her career out without any proof. I assume you didn't see it as such. Damiano and G posted about their relationship before eurovision and if I would be u I would delete this post. Why do you have different standards for G and for the band? You tagged your Gio has to be responsible post but not the band one? Do you have higher standards for her?

Another problem with this is that you and other people put words into people's mouths they didn't say and having a conversation without you assuming things from the start would have helped. I assume you assumed that these people mean this as a personal attack on autism, something that is really personal to you. If you respect some of them so much, you should definitely have a look how their names or url's are written, when you already have to say such a thing. You also shouldn't make it look like the person you respect so much did something they never did, sexualizing Ethan for example or that they try to silence everything around this discussion or that autism is a “dirty” word which they never said or wanted. Maybe not even all of them have the neurotype you assume they have. You also shouldn't assume things about Adhd either. Almost all professionals, health care providers, charities and actual people with Adhd don't call it a "mental illness" and it's mostly refered to as neurodevelepment disorder. Neither is it routed in trauma, at least this is what we know now. Some people even did the research for you already, you might want to have a look and also take it from several people who have Adhd that what you said also comes off as deeply offensive. I assume you didn't know any better instead of saying that your problem with Adhd is ableism and that you just don't understand because I’ll assume you don't have Adhd from seeing your blog. Saying someone seems like they have Adhd doesn’t speak to anything but that btw. Neither do they think it's offensive, neither do they think they're ill. You should look into it more before someone really wants to get you wrong on this and just assumes. Nitpicking words also works for other people.

https://chadd.org/about-adhd/overview/ http://ijsshr.in/v4i12/Doc/45.pdf https://www.journalijar.com/uploads/603383e0ea55c_IJAR-34456.pdf

I'M ALSO ACTUALLY AUTISTIC. Pissed me off because it came out of this initial discussion, hurting real people like myself. This wasn't you, pointing this out! You'd like to see but you have no, absolutely no, fucking right to know shit about people or to assume anything about them just because they didn't say anything - you're already shitting on them anyways as well. Why should they share anything regarding their personal life with you if they didn't before?. This is the problem with theorizing, where do you draw the line? People with money, musicians, your neighbour, the cashier, some people on the internet you never talked too? Where is it and who are you to deceide this for others?

I don't owe you - some strangers on the internet that only know about me what I put out here - my neurotype or the information that I'm autistic. I personally don't want to have any of this in my bio or on here. Nothing against the people who do, do it but it's my personal decision and people should have respected this instead of making posts like this one because it triggered a lot of responses in me. It doesn't really feel it's just on my own terms but as you'll seem to find this so important simply for I assume your own benefit you go.

[my-darling-boy]

hello alastair! wondering if you can give some advice... I am fairly certain I am not cis female, but the dream career I am working towards is *very* concerned with physical appearance and unfortunately many of the people in this field are extremely conservative. I have come so far in pursuing my dreams—I honestly am shocked that I’ve been as successful as I have—but I am afraid that if I come out all of that will crumble. I am also not sure if I actually feel transmasc or if I am just nonbinary & tired of sexual harassment. I would love to hear how you knew you were transmasc as well any advice you might give for whether or not it’s a good idea to come out. thank you so much ♥️

First of all, I’m sorry you’ve been put into that kind of difficult position :(

Explaining how I knew I was a trans man is kind of difficult? Since gender and the way we figure ourselves out is a very socially oriented thing, I lack perception there since I’m autistic. For a long time, I never understood society had attached genders to clothing, toys, music, or hobbies. I didn’t even understand society had attached certain body parts and pronouns to genders! As a young kid, I simply just felt like a Person, no matter what pronouns I was called as a child. All I knew was that every time I saw what society referred to as boys, I’d think “OH that’s me! This is a direct reflection of myself!” Without words, I was always identifying with men before I...technically even knew what men were? From an early age, though I was friends with cis girls, I had mostly cis male friends because I knew I was them, not like them. But I didn’t understand why I couldn’t use the same bathroom as them or stay over at their houses. I thought, “But wait, I’m one of them... why aren’t they seeing me as exactly one of them? What’s different about me?” And tbh it wasn’t until I was about 8 when I started figuring out what genders were and that I wasn’t being perceived as a boy, and you can imagine my shock :’) I’ve only ever really known myself as a man, I didn’t suffer from dysphoria because I just didn’t think certain body parts on me were recalling my birth gender, so there wasn’t any discomfort to feel; my body parts were on me, and I’m a man so... they’re male body parts? Dysphoria isn’t compatible with the way I’ve always seen myself, and neither are a lot of the social reference points I see present in other trans people using like “gender envy” for instance. I don’t think the language available to me to describe how I knew does me any justice. It’s not that I’ve “always known” since I popped out, but at the same time, I didn’t feel I “figured it out” in the traditional sense. My male identity has always felt innate to me, for even when I had no word for it initially, the feeling was always present. I find it’s the same way you don’t have to know what lungs are to feel yourself breathe, your body just knows.

So, I guess an important part of figuring out your gender if you feel on the fence: sometimes we get so wrapped up in our outward presentation, what others think of us, social obligations, gender roles, etc, that we forget we need to look inwards too. I was lucky and was able to develop in my own little bubble which social constructs were not able to get through to sway me as a child, and because of all that introspection, unaware if the way I was presenting was “right or wrong” or “masculine or feminine” I was simply allowed to be and listen to myself.

I know I’m in no position to tell you if you should come out, cos it’s not my place. But if it’s any help or something to think about, I could share a little story?

I’m not out in my large workspace as trans, maybe only a couple people vaguely know I’m gay, no one knows I’m ace, only one person knows I’m autistic. Everyone just thinks I’m a cis man. Sometimes I think what would happen if I wore a trans flag on my shirt or an autistic infinity rainbow on my mask or a gay flag pin. Of course I think of the customers seeing me, the ones who will make comments and laugh under their breaths or call me slurs or insult me directly. And it makes me not want to wear those things sometimes, no matter how proud of myself I might feel. But then one day, a kid came into the store—and I live in a conservative area—with their parent and their sibling, and the kid had a large non-binary flag draped over their shoulders like a blanket. And I just sort of stood there for a minute. In a county even I feel afraid to reveal myself in sometimes, this kid was wearing their identity not just on their sleeve, but like a super hero cape for everyone to see. And even though I’m not non-binary, I felt seen. I thought, what if someone closeted saw my pride flag pins, or someone saw my infinity rainbow, or a trans coworker who was feeling just as alone was able to know I was trans too...maybe I could help others feel seen and learn to be even more comfortable in my own skin, maybe build up more resilience to awful people?

I guess if feel like if I come out in some situations, even when I could be wronged or laughed at, it will guide me towards the people and opportunities that are right for me and root out the bad ones so eventually I won’t have to live hiding around the clock. And maybe best of all, I can help someone else feel not so alone in a place that makes us feel like we are. If I ever found myself in a place in my life where many people looked up to me or were inspired by me, do I want them to think I’m just some cishet neurotypical guy... or do I want people who feel underrepresented to feel like they have representation and show myself I can be true to myself and accomplish what I do as I am, even when there are thousands of eyes on me? Again, definitely no one should feel obligated to come out or do any of this, cos some places are Really Awful, but it’s just something I think about in my own personal situation. Hope some of this could help??