#hope this helps u with not getting into some kind of drama almost always involving u every few weeks in some way or another in the future

[obsoleteozymandias]

HIIII is it okay if i ask for a twst matchup? im a big fan of ur blog!! :3

so a bit about me, im a she/her but honestly i don't mind any pronouns, my gender expression is all over the place and i like experimenting a lot!

im an optimistic and sensitive person and i always try my best to be kind, polite and friendly towards everyone. being all happy and sunshine-y comes naturally to me 😼 i can be a bit moody due to my social anxiety but i try really hard to just be myself and do whatever i want, regardless of what other people might think of me😇😇

im creative and curious and i like having fun!!! my friends often describe me as weird, but like in a good way, as if im some strange whimsical creature. im super artsy and express my weird style proudly, both in the way i dress and how i present myself ‼️‼️‼️ i know physical appearance probably doesn't matter, but for a long while ive had a buzz cut despite being very feminine otherwise :3 fun times. nowadays im trying to grow a mullet

hobbieees. oh i have many. overall i enjoy anything crafty that requires using my hands, so i spend my free time drawing, building stuff, playing instruments, sewing clothes or plushies. i like to study, both for school and to satiate my personal curiosity on random topics :Dddd i also really like the outdoors and often explore new local and even far away places just for the fun of it ✌️ i constantly try new things and activities and just try to live my life to the fullest

i like nature, art, animals, bugs. iam a huge bug lover. the stranger the bug the better 🙏💞 i like learning new things, i like space, horror movies, sweet food, music, mangos, flowers, funky earrings. i like a lot of things.... on the other hand there's not much things i dislike, except for the usual like.... idk bad people, hate, drama. but yeah everyone dislikes that. specific things that i don't like however are getting yelled at, being babied/underestimated and having to deal with ppl who are way too pessimistic. it can be exhausting!!

there aren't any characters i wouldn't want to be matched up with, but my favs are floyd, malleus, jack and sebek if that helps! 🥳

ok this was really long 💔 thank u for reading it all!!! hope u have a great day!!! 💫

My first fan! Your reward: the satisfaction of knowing I’m twisting my hair and kicking my feet and giggling while I read this. Also, apologies for the delay.

== Twisted Wonderland ==>

I match you up with…

Lilia Vanrouge 

Pre-relationship:

Lilia is glad to have another sunshine-y person around such a dour school. You two are fast friends, and he wonders if you wouldn’t be better suited to RSA what with your kindness and positivity. 

Regardless, he’s glad to have made such a lovely friend. 

He’s your number one fan when it comes to embracing your hobbies or weirdness. He does the same, and so the two of you spend a lot of time talking about your passions and exploring new things together. 

He buys you strange clothes and trinkets all the time, like a crow collecting shiny things. Some of the stuff he brings you is truly strange, and you’re not sure how he got his hands on it…but it’s the thought that counts, right? 

He will 100% want you involved in the pop music club, whether that’s playing an instrument or making posters. He just likes having you around whenever he can; you’re like a ray of sun to him. 

Confession: 

Lilia denied his feelings for you at first. He knew that his history was violent and much longer than yours, and he felt that he could never expose you to that part of himself. 

But one way or another, you find out, and when you accept and embrace him, I imagine he feels such love and affection for you that he almost confesses right there and then. 

He takes his time to plan the confession: taking you on a trip to see something cool, and then asking at just the right moment, like the romantic he is. 

Relationship:

Lilia would want to take you to see the world with him. You two would spend all vacations in different countries and cities, taking in the world and spending all of your time together. 

Some dates are just the two of you staying home and learning together, though. If one of you sees something they’re interested in, the whole evening can be spent learning about it side by side, exchanging kisses between paragraphs and documentaries. 

The best part of the relationship is that you and Lilia push eachother to experience new things, whether that be you showing him creepy bugs, or him taking you skydiving. 

You two never fail to bring out the best in one another, and have so much fun along the way. 

[findaqueenwithoutaking]

I'm really not trying to start anything but... @filthforfriends​ For a start why did u say "There’s a part of me that doesn’t want to speculate on things an artist has chosen to keep quiet." but then still proceeded to do so? You said this for a reason.

1. None of your business. NEITHER is it your right to speculate just because people are famos or have money. They're still people and deserve privacy (autism might be a really private thing to them as it is for others). Goes for disorders, neurotypes, relationships, gender, physical health, mental health, whatever they do in their freetime & don't share, sexuality, religion. The person isn't part of the conversation, neither do you know if this person wants to be. 

2. It doesn't matter how positive you think it is or how much you think someone "looks" autistic or "like you". Everyone has opinions on other people and we all want to see ourselves in people but there's a difference in saying "Look, I do this too" and "Look, I do this too and I think it is 'cause he might is autistic/other".

3. I assume you didn’t think about it because we all think different and are taking pride in it but it can affect their relationships, how they see themselves - it could be good but it also could go terribly wrong -, their career, how others see them. There's always - as Twitter & some gossip magazines showed - a chance that they see it, that people they know see it or that it ends up in a magazine speculating in their own way, you can't complain about it then because you're essentially doing the same even when you think you did something good. It can lead to people asking questions they might don't want to answer - speculation will get them questions like this in the first place. You don't think about the fact that industries are ableist - different conversation. Hounding is a thing as well. You're not doing it, but for someone who doesn't know you and just assumes it could look like an invitation to do. 

(I assume that most of you never had contact or are friends with a person that is famous in one capacity or the other. I can guarantee you, you can't imagine what these people go through because of speculating and what people in their close proximity go through because of it as well because even if you think you can, it's not enough)

4. Maybe you’re right but that there's reason that it isn't public (none of your business, doesn't matter), people could start to mask more to hide it better after reading something like this instead of finding comfort because they probably are different than you. 

5. It's not the neurodivergence: It's unhelpful in general to speculate about someones neurotype. I'm also not calling Damiano allistic or theorize about it because I don't know that either and that could be damaging as well because I know nothing about them. Just because he "looks" like it for some people doesn't mean anything.

6. As much as they show of themselves, they're in the end really private people and always have been. People have different boundaries. Some of you're probably not old enough to remember the whole "controversy" involving Lionel Messi who as far as I'm aware still didn't say anything regarding it but because of the speculating and theorizing has to live with things like this even years after the initial speculating. Just because he didn't say he isn't okay with it, doesn't mean you should do it. People being ableist is not on you, but maybe bringing ableist people onto someone without even wanting it is.

7. It can easily look like autism has a certain "look" and that all people with autism have the same mannerisms which isn't true. I assume that you all know this but that people can easily assume this is what's being meant when people say things like this. Even if you mean good which I assume you do, it can still easily look like steorotyping people which I assume you don't want to do.

This sexualizing post was uncalled for as well or the people in the notes laughing and I assume most liking it as well. What a joke, wish I could still be giggling writing this about it all but no can’t. It was also uncalled for 'cause it came from you, the person with the peg me header. I don't think I have to remind you of all this because whatever the flying fuck duck all this is, it looks weird. If you feel like this is something you don't want to see them don't tag something that looks like you're literally masturbating to Thomas's covid swab because he "looked like enjoying it" to you. 

"#because I never tag my discourse" Some discourse you tagged. I initially blocked u a few weeks ago because of your continued rat talk. Some reblogging tagging it with discourse should have told you this much but I'll assume that you didn't see it and didn't see that this is discourse yourself. If you're so worried about Thomas seeing this why are you tagging your posts?🤔

Marta post isn't even discourse, it's gossip and it's damage to reputation ‘cause you’re putting a theory that could have real damage to her and her career out without any proof. I assume you didn't see it as such. Damiano and G posted about their relationship before eurovision and if I would be u I would delete this post. Why do you have different standards for G and for the band? You tagged your Gio has to be responsible post but not the band one? Do you have higher standards for her?

Another problem with this is that you and other people put words into people's mouths they didn't say and having a conversation without you assuming things from the start would have helped. I assume you assumed that these people mean this as a personal attack on autism, something that is really personal to you. If you respect some of them so much, you should definitely have a look how their names or url's are written, when you already have to say such a thing. You also shouldn't make it look like the person you respect so much did something they never did, sexualizing Ethan for example or that they try to silence everything around this discussion or that autism is a “dirty” word which they never said or wanted. Maybe not even all of them have the neurotype you assume they have. You also shouldn't assume things about Adhd either. Almost all professionals, health care providers, charities and actual people with Adhd don't call it a "mental illness" and it's mostly refered to as neurodevelepment disorder. Neither is it routed in trauma, at least this is what we know now. Some people even did the research for you already, you might want to have a look and also take it from several people who have Adhd that what you said also comes off as deeply offensive. I assume you didn't know any better instead of saying that your problem with Adhd is ableism and that you just don't understand because I’ll assume you don't have Adhd from seeing your blog. Saying someone seems like they have Adhd doesn’t speak to anything but that btw. Neither do they think it's offensive, neither do they think they're ill. You should look into it more before someone really wants to get you wrong on this and just assumes. Nitpicking words also works for other people.

https://chadd.org/about-adhd/overview/ http://ijsshr.in/v4i12/Doc/45.pdf https://www.journalijar.com/uploads/603383e0ea55c_IJAR-34456.pdf

I'M ALSO ACTUALLY AUTISTIC. Pissed me off because it came out of this initial discussion, hurting real people like myself. This wasn't you, pointing this out! You'd like to see but you have no, absolutely no, fucking right to know shit about people or to assume anything about them just because they didn't say anything - you're already shitting on them anyways as well. Why should they share anything regarding their personal life with you if they didn't before?. This is the problem with theorizing, where do you draw the line? People with money, musicians, your neighbour, the cashier, some people on the internet you never talked too? Where is it and who are you to deceide this for others?

I don't owe you - some strangers on the internet that only know about me what I put out here - my neurotype or the information that I'm autistic. I personally don't want to have any of this in my bio or on here. Nothing against the people who do, do it but it's my personal decision and people should have respected this instead of making posts like this one because it triggered a lot of responses in me. It doesn't really feel it's just on my own terms but as you'll seem to find this so important simply for I assume your own benefit you go.

[monocaelia]

oblivious [zhongli modern au]

[Zhongli x Reader] - Modern AU

Being the secretary of Zhongli was… a new experience, that’s for sure. If you had known you’d be doing the most random things for the CEO of Rex Lapis Co., maybe you wouldn’t have applied for the job here. 

---

Being the secretary of Zhongli was… a new experience, that’s for sure. If you had known you’d be doing the most random things for the CEO of Rex Lapis Co., maybe you wouldn’t have applied for the job here. You’ve had to do many, many, different things that no other ordinary secretaries have done before; such as going personally to Zhongli’s apartment to wake him up in time for his next scheduled meeting or even tagging along with him when he had to fly out to the United States for a business trip (although it felt more like a vacation more than anything). You’ve even had to attend the wedding of an acquaintance with Zhongli as his plus one, which was a pretty weird experience in your opinion. Some people approached you then and asked if you were a couple, to which you vehemently denied. 

You and your boss? Now, that’s a funny story.

Though… it’s not like you haven’t thought about the possibility of your boss and you being together. He was handsome, both personality wise and physically. He was tall and built, which surprised you considering you’ve never seen or heard of him working out as a hobby. Maybe it was a rich person thing to be built at all times. He was kind, extremely intelligent about a multitude of topics while at the same time being a clueless idiot when it came to social interaction. You found it endearing when he would come to you and asked questions about things that were common sense to you but foreign to him. 

He always listened to you when you guys took your breaks together and you talked about your day, what was bothering you, or what you were excited about. Which was… surprising to say the least. You didn’t expect Zhongli to pay attention to your little life when he was literally living the lavish dream that anyone wanted. He always sent your stomach cartwheeling when he laughed at one of the stories you told or when he smiled when you talked about the video game you were currently into. 

There was a moment when someone called you to help them during your break with Zhongli. They had knocked on his office door, completely interrupting the amiable atmosphere between the two of you, and politely requested your assistance, to which you agreed and bid your farewell to him. You could’ve sworn you saw him frown when you left him alone but as soon as it was there it was gone.

The thing that truly captivated you, though, were his eyes made of pure, molten gold. Although they’ve always been kind to you, you’ve seen them pierce those who talked against Zhongli or broke their promises to pay his company back. He was a stickler for promises and rules and he never took them lightly. They gleamed with danger and power when he was upset, but with you they were warm pools of honey that you could get lost in.

The multitude of random events that occurred because you were Zhongli’s secretary included the current errand you were running with your boss. The new year was coming by and Zhongli had decided that he wanted to go out and go shopping.

What for? He wouldn’t tell you.

You trailed slightly behind the taller man, making sure to not lose sight of him. You would have walked beside him so it was easier to converse but walking around with your boss was kind of intimidating and the crowd was heavier than usual. Did he really want to go shopping now of all times? You wished you were back in the safety of your own bed and not in the crowd of hundreds of people as they did last minute shopping for the New Year celebration. 

“May I hold your hand?” The question almost slipped past you had Zhongli not peered down at you, expecting an answer from you. It was so nonchalant… did he understand the implications of that between two adults? You stared at him, wide eyed and mouth open in shock. 

“U-um… Mr. Zhongli, why would we need to hold hands?” you questioned, furrowing your brows in confusion.

“I saw it in a drama I was watching. The main characters were holding hands whilst in a crowd so the two wouldn’t get separated.” Innocence danced behind his eyes. Oh Archons above, you have to stop finding this man endearing. “I thought it would be appropriate for this situation considering the amount of people around us.”

His reasoning was simple enough. It was just about not losing each other in the crowd, right? So, holding his hand shouldn’t be too bad. There was nothing behind his words and actions anyways, at least you hoped so.

Your hand slipped into his with ease, much to your surprise. Despite convincing yourself that this was just so the two of you wouldn’t get separated while on this trip together, you couldn’t help your heart thumping against your chest. His hands were gloved, but the heat still radiated off of him and warmed you up. His grip on your hand tightened when someone bumped into you and your heart nearly leapt through your chest. 

The multitude of shops you two passed went by like a blur of flashing lights and the glow of city lamps. Well... that was until you got to a certain pastry shop. You paused in your step and stared into the window displaying the desserts and felt your mouth water at the sight of them.

“Ah, so this is what you’re into,” Zhongli spoke from beside you. Ah, you forgot he was there.

“Yeah, I’m a sucker for sweet treats and this so happens to be my favorite bakery!” Your smile slowly fell. “But it’s pretty expensive so I can’t get any pastries often.”

Zhongli examined your fallen expression and furrowed his brows. He squeezed your hand once more. “Is that so…?” 

And with that Zhongli walked into the shop with you in tow. You sputtered in surprise. He wasn’t going to do anything rash like buying you a dessert right? You tried to stop him, telling him that it’s okay and that he shouldn’t spend any money on you. But your attempts were futile against the brick wall that was Zhongli. 

A cute, blue box of pastries was placed into your hands as Zhongli’s gentle smile grew on his lips. Archons… he had to stop smiling like that otherwise he could get away with anything if it involved you. You sighed and gave him a concerning look.

“Mr. Zhongli-”

“Zhongli, please. We’re not in the office, [Name],” he corrected you.

“...Zhongli, why did you buy me this? I could have done so in the next paycheck,” you queried. You held your head in your hands. “Actually… why did you pull me out today to do this? It almost feels like we’re…” You paused in your words.

“...It feels like we’re on a date, Zhongli.”

“Oh, I thought I made that clear, [Name].”

Huh? Did you hear that correctly? Is he telling you that this entire day at the shopping center was a scheme to pull you on a date? Your head snapped up to look into his amber eyes, only to be met with his curious and earnest visage. 

You narrowed your eyes at him. “Zhongli I thought I was doing this for work.”

A look of surprise ran across his face as his eyes widened at your revelation. He cleared his throat and brought a hand to his mouth. “Apologies. I thought it was clear but I see that it wasn’t.” Zhongli met your eyes. “I will make it up to you. How about we have a proper date next week?”

Your voice got stuck in your throat at his question, but shakily nodded your head. Zhongli smiled and moved to bring your hand to his lips, pressing a light kiss on your knuckles.

“Perfect. Now, shall we enjoy the rest of this evening together?”

[kimvvantae]

puzzle; 7 (m)

➜  you and jungkook are best friends of a lifetime, even though your personalities are like unmatching pieces of a puzzle. the line between friendship and something more has never been crossed between you two - but that changes after a break up and a drunken night, when you not-so-accidentally cross this line to something much more. what happens when after this accident your non-matching puzzle pieces seem to match in a way you’ve never imagined?

pairing: jungkook x (f) reader

genre: smut, angst, comedy; friends with benefits au; college au

warnings: lots of swearing, a little bit of violence

rating: 18+

word count: 12k

A/N: sweet jesus it’s been so long but it’s finally here! this is the last but one chapter of the series. i genuinely hope you guys enjoy it and i reeeeally want to know your thoughts on it! feel free to leave a comment! if you feel i’m deserving of it lmao

enjoy!

➜  Chapters: check up masterlist in bio!

« playlist »

[bby bear]: where are you???

[bby bear]: you'll get late for class 

[you]: i knoww

[you]: the traffic is so heavy today 🤦🤦

[bby bear]: you should have come w me 

[you]: i need to go to the bank

[you]: i told you

[bby bear]: i could have taken u theer

[bby bear]: there

[you]: 🥺🥺 next time i'll go w you i promise!!

[you]: but i'm close

[you]: i'll probably lose the first period tho

[bby bear]: 🤦

You shove the phone inside of your pocket when you notice the pedestrian sign is finally green. The crowd on both sides of the avenue rush, everyone on their fast pace as usual. You're even forced to push some people in order to walk by.

Getting to the other side of the street, you stop in front of the building.

Tall as fuck. That cool kind of building with mirrors all over it, where only cool people wearing cool suits walking around holding cups of coffee on one hand and phones on the other hand talking business language kind of people work at. 

You certainly don't work here. You definitely don't have any stuff to do here. You surely are not close to the campus and you will lose much more than just the first period.

Seulgi will most definitely punch your face when she finds out where you are and what you're about to do.

You confidently walk inside the building, pushing through its glass doors into the pristine, modern and gigantic main hall. Your black boots contrast with the high heels all the other women wear around you. So does the rest of your outfit. Mini skirts and oversized hoodies are not part of the dress code here. You can almost hear their minds asking, what is this person doing here? The clanck clanck sound of their heels clicking against the marble floor is somehow pleasing, though.

You stop in front of the reception counter. A pretty girl opens a crystal white smile to you. Her hair is tied tightly, her uniform was ironed to perfection. "Good morning. How can I help you?" She chirps happily. 

"Good morning. My name is Y/N. I'd like to talk to Irene."

The smile quickly falters.

The girl side eyes her colleague that sits by her side. "Hmm… unfortunately, Miss Irene does not receive visits," she says carefully, still trying to keep her smile. "You must be mistaken."

You can see this girl thinks you're crazy. You quickly realize that people usually don't come at the reception and simply say they want to talk to Irene. But, well, what else would you do? You have to announce your presence somehow. 

"Irene is waiting for me. You can call her and ask if you want," you insist. 

The receptionist looks pale for a moment.

Hesitantly, she takes the phone and dials a number. You can still see that the girl thinks you're lying; she's probably ready to call the security guards. During her quick talk on the phone, you notice she's not talking to Irene, but with her secretary. 

You also see the moment her eyes widen.

She hangs up the phone and stands up, smiling widely again.

"Miss Y/N, Irene is waiting for your arrival," she says, and you notice the slight tone of panic in her voice. "Please, accompany me."

All the other visitors have to show their identifications and take a quick picture on the reception, you notice, but the girl simply ignores this procedure with you, guiding you to the elevator instead. She explains the situation to the security guard and he lets you in. The receptionist still looks slightly panicked. She's probably scared that you'll complain how the receptionist was rude to me directly to Irene, but you won't. Poor girl was just doing her job.

The elevator is big, too. It has a panoramic view of the city as it goes up to one of the highest floors. 

You always thought Seulgi was overreacting when she said how bad she sometimes felt for dating Irene, but now you kind of understand her.

You knew Irene was rich. You can recognize a Gucci jacket when you see one, and you've seen Irene wearing plenty of these. But Irene always acted so normal. Sure, she was elegant - and sometimes even arrogant -, but she was still someone very pleasant to be around. She never looked disgusted to be in your tiny but comfy apartment, she never made faces when she'd sometimes wear some of Seulgi's or your clothes when she didn't bring any to spend the night, she never complained to eat the junk food you'd buy for dinner. She was just… chill.

Because of that, you'd forget that she's rich sometimes.

Being in this massive building where everyone acted as if she was a princess made you remember, though.

Irene is beyond rich. Your standard of "rich" used to be Joy: someone that has a cool, big house in a nice part of the city. Irene partially owns a fucking company. She's so chill that you never even bothered to Google the company's name; you did this today to get the address, and it only made you more shocked.

Seulgi must have felt overwhelmed many times in their relationship.

But you're sure she was much happier back then than she is now.

You're used to their drama. They were already dating when you first met Seulgi, and you saw this cycle repeating many times. This time, though, things are not happening as usual. Seulgi is the saddest you’ve ever seen in these almost three years of convivence. Right after they broke up, you thought she was just being dramatic as usual… now you see that it isn’t simple drama. She’s actually sad and has been in this state for months. She doesn’t go out anymore, stopped doing the things she liked… she even got tired of Netflix. That’s probably the most shocking fact of all. 

Jungkook said you shouldn’t get involved in this, but you’re tired of seeing your friend being so sad all the time.

Their breakup was messy this time. They didn’t talk properly, didn’t make things clear. Seulgi is too stubborn to make a move (she’s totally lethargic at this point, both physically and spiritually), and Irene also seems too stubborn. Since none of them has the balls to do anything, you finally decided to step up and take action.

(Funny how you thought Jimin was annoying for trying to push you and Jungkook together, but you’re doing the exact same thing right now).

Well, look, you’re not exactly trying to push them into each other. First, you want to know Irene’s feelings and opinions on this situation. If you see that she has really moved on from Seulgi, then you’re ready to give your friend all the comfort and support in the world so she finally moves on. If Irene shows you that she still has feelings for Seulgi… well…

The speed in which she replied to your DM is a strong indicative of that.

The way her eyes glint with undeniable hope when the elevator doors open and she greets you is another indicative.

Irene looks gorgeous as always; she’s like a human version of Snow White. It’s kind of funny to meet her in her office like this. She’s almost like a female and hotter version of Christian Grey. 

Her ways of greeting you are polite and… hesitant. You understand why. She probably doesn’t get what you’re doing here in the first place, what you want to talk about. Considering you’re Seulgi’s friend, she must think you’d be mad at her or something.

“Why didn’t you call me, Y/N? My guests never enter from the common hall.” she asked. Oh. Common hall is what that massive hall is called. Almost like peasants area.

“I didn’t know.” you simply say, shrugging. 

“I’m sorry that we’re meeting here at my workplace. It feels too profissional, doesn’t it?” she smiles sheepishly.

Well… it does. You don’t even feel comfortable enough to move around her great office, afraid that you’d accidentally break anything (you’re sure that every little piece in this room is much more expensive than you’d be able to afford). 

“Come on, let’s go to the cafeteria. I think it’ll be more comfortable to talk there.” she politely suggests, and you just agree with her.

Irene guides you around the halls. This floor is less crowded, since only Important People with Important Tasks work here - and she’s greeted by all of them as she passes by. Their eyes immediately float to you, and they were surely asking themselves why Princess Irene was being followed by this peasant. 

The cafeteria in question is as pretty and neatly clean as the rest of the building. Soft music plays from the speakers. Irene chooses a more private table by the windows and asks if you want to have breakfast; you politely decline and both of you end up ordering simple cups of coffee. 

An uncomfortable silence lingers in the air.

"I… have to confess that I got surprised when I saw your DM," Irene speaks softly. Her eyes are glued on her cup of coffee. "It's been a while."

"Yeah." 

"How are you doing?"

"I'm doing fine." a hundred different scenes pass on your head as she asks this, and you know that you feel anything but fine in the moment, but it's not as if you'll rant about your complicated love life right now. "But I'm sure you don't want to ask about me."

You see a shade of pink flush Irene's cheeks.

"Well… I don't think it would be right to ask about her." Irene says.

"Why not? It's not as if you didn't know I came here to talk about Seulgi."

"But she doesn't want to know about me."

You're left speechless for a few seconds.

It's funny to see the two sides of a breakup. Because of their stubborness, they became completely out of tune with each other. Irene thought that Seulgi didn't want to know about her, when you knew pretty damn well that Seulgi stalked her social media an unhealthy amount of times per day.

You cross your arms and lean your back on the chair. Irene looks hesitant, but you see she's eager to know whatever information you may have. That's not the behavior of someone that hates their ex.

"Can I ask you something?" you say. It's funny how Irene, the owner of pretty much everything around you, looks so cornered by you, her shoulders shrinking visibly. She nods softly. "Why did you guys break up? I mean, what's your side of the story?"

Irene sighs and passes her hand through her dark hair. She looks out the window. She doesn't seem irritated by your ask. She just seems… thoughtful.

It makes you realize that, perhaps, Seulgi's not the only one feeling broken here.

"We're… different." she starts quietly. "I have been trying to keep this relationship working for a long time, you know. Even though we argued a lot and disagreed about many things. But…" Irene sighs again. Sadness shadows her features. "It was getting hard. Seulgi never accepted my help. She knows that money is no problem for me, and I just wanted to help, but why did she act so angry every time I wanted to help you guys?"

Oh.

You don't miss the way she said "help you guys"; she must be talking about the times both of you were struggling to pay the rent. Oh God. You clearly see where their opinions diverge. Irene has always been rich; she saw money as something simple, giving money to others wasn't a big deal. Meanwhile, Seulgi must've felt dependent and it surely hurt her pride. Besides, there were enough people saying that Seulgi was only dating Irene to get money from her…

"And there's more." Irene's voice becomes quieter, more fragile. "My family, they're… very conservative. It was already hard enough for them to accept my sexuality. They never did, to be honest… but they particularly don't like Seulgi, because she's not, hm, on my "social level", as they like to say."

Ooh.

This is more complicated. Seulgi doesn't know what it feels like; her family is very open minded. She told you that, in the beginning, her parents were shocked when she told them that she also liked girls, but they slowly accepted it. Irene, on the other hand… 

"They keep saying that my relationship with her will be bad for the company." She confesses. "They said they'd even accept my relationship, as long as we dated in secret."

"What?!" you gasp. "This is disgusting!"

"I know." Irene nods, eyes focused on the mug between her hands. You have the impression that you see tears welling up on her eyes, but she blinks rapidly to dissipate them. "I… I was willing to go against them, because if they don't accept my relationship, then they don't accept who I am. But… I don't know if it's worth doing this if I'm not sure if Seulgi feels the same about me."

Ouch.

You remembered the night when they broke up. Seulgi came to you, crying, and said that she was tired of being with someone that wasn't brave enough to accept her.

Seulgi, my dear… you know nothing.

You can see that to go against her parents isn't as simple as it sounds. To Irene, going against her family involves reputation, money, and the company itself. It's definitely a big deal. Seulgi didn't understand how serious it is.

And Irene is willing to take this big step for her.

It's your time to sigh. 

"Irene." you lean closer, staring at her seriously. "Do you still love Seulgi?"

She blinks at your direct question. Irene looks down, gulps… and nods.

"I do love her."

You can't hear any hint of doubt on her voice.

That's what you wanted to hear.

"She's not okay." You blurt out the truth. Irene widens her eyes softly and looks at you. You see guilt on her eyes as she hears this. "I came here because I'm worried about her. She doesn't act like herself anymore. She even got tired of Netflix."

Irene widens her eyes in shock. "She stopped watching Netflix?!"

"Yes." You nod seriously. "And she still loves you, too."

Irene freezes when you say this.

Now, you're sure of the tears welling up on her eyes.

"I…" she stutters, unable to form a coherent sentence. "A-Are you sure?"

You can't help but giggle at her; Irene looks shy, almost like a teenager - scared and excited to know that her crush likes her back. You feel your own heart warming up at the sight.

"Of course I'm sure."

A smile wants to make its way up to her lips. "B-But what do I do? I can't just walk up to her like this. I don't want to start another fight…"

"Irene, believe me. Seulgi will listen to anything you have to say, as long as you're being honest. Tell her about the situation with your family. Prove to her that you're willing to stand for her. I mean, if you're still willing to…"

"I am!" Irene exclaims in a heartbeat. "I am. As long as she's with me, I feel like I can do anything."

You feel yourself smiling. Irene's eyes are shining like diamonds.

"But you also have to try to understand her." You say seriously. "Seulgi is not wrong for wanting to be independent. She's finishing her studies, she wants to build a career for herself, and she wants her own money. I know you're trying to help, but you have to respect her. Also, I'm sure she doesn't want to be a burden for you."

Irene nods vehemently. "Okay. You're right. I get it."

She doesn't hold her smile back anymore as a tear rolls down her cheek. She looks so immensely happy… it's a delightful sight. And you can't help but feel happy too, because right now, more than ever, you see that Seulgi found something rare and precious in this world.

True love.

And this fact itself is enough to make you feel that coming here was worth it - even though Seulgi might want to kill you afterwards.

"But hey, Irene," you call her seriously again. "I'm doing all this because both of you stupid asses couldn't, but if you make Seulgi cry again, I will kill you. I know where you work now."

Irene laughs at your very serious threat. She leans forward and holds both of your hands. "Y/N, thank you so much for telling me all this. I will forever be grateful. If you need anything- and I mean anything- I will help you, okay? Anything!"

"Alright, alright," you say, shrugging, the slight thought that a millionaire owns you a favor sounding nice. "Now, you better go talk to Seulgi. I can't stand her walking around the living room looking like a zombie anymore." Irene laughs softly. "And… I said I wasn't hungry, but now I kind of want that waffle."

Seulgi looks like a very grumpy zombie when you meet her in the corridor.

"Where the hell were you?!" Seulgi exclaims. "It's noon!"

"Yeah, I know." you shrug. "The bank was pretty crowded."

Seulgi narrows her eyes. Her hair looks messy even though it's tied up and she has bags underneath her eyes. She's wearing the top of her old orange pajamas. It has an old kitchen oil stain over the chest. Seulgi from months ago would rarely go out looking like this. 

"What the hell did you need to do there anyway? I didn't even know people still go to banks." She whines. "I was getting worried, you know?"

You walk down the corridor with your hands behind your back. You're glad Seulgi is too grumpy to notice the sly smirk on your lips, the way you kind of bounce by her side in expectation.

"Always so thoughtful, Seul. You're so cute, did you know that?"

She side eyes you, the frown deepening. "Why are you complimenting me?"

"What's the problem with complimenting you?"

"Whenever you compliment me it means either you want something or you did something that you know will piss me off."

Sometimes you forget how well Seulgi knows you. 

"Jesus, you're too stressed, girl. I'll pay you lunch, okay? Let's eat at that Italian restaurant you like."

"When you offer yourself to pay for stuff it also means that-"

Seulgi stops in her tracks, completely frozen.

"Irene?"

You step back silently and hold your breath.

This is the moment that might end your friendship with Seulgi if it goes bad.

Irene seems to be holding her breath as well, her eyes round - scared, hesitant, hopeful. 

And they stand there, looking at each other. As if time has slowed down. As if there was no one else besides them in the busy corridor.

If this was a drama, you imagined that the romantic soundtrack would kick in now.

"Hi, Seulgi." Irene says softly. "It's… it's been a while."

It seems that Seulgi's brain is struggling to function. "What… what are you doing here?" the fact that she does not sound defensive or aggressive but genuinely surprised and confused relieves your chest. 

"I came here to talk." Irene says. "Just… just talk. But if you want me to go…"

"No." Seulgi interrupts her embarrassingly too fast. "It's alright. We… we can talk. Just talk."

Their eyes are gleaming and the ghost of smiles appear on their lips.

Your chest fills with triumph as you silently walk back. Not that either of them would even notice you anyway.

You're too far to hear what they're saying now, their soft voices drowning in the middle of the many more people walking around the corridor, but you still kind of hide inside an empty classroom, half of your body peeking outside of the door to watch them. They're talking and smiling timidly. You feel tempted to take some photos, but it's better not to. You kind of feel like an intruder watching them, even if you're this far-

"What are you doing?" 

You almost feel your spirit jumping out of your body when the male voice asks dangerously close to your ear, turning around in a jump to see the source.

Now you don't know if your heart is beating so ridiculously fast because of the scare of because of the view in front of you.

Jungkook looks down at you with a puzzled expression, his hands behind his back, his body slightly leaning on your direction. He's wearing a modern grey hanbok over a black t-shirt and slippers. His backpack hangs from one shoulder. His hair is half tied up in a small bun, curly bangs falling over his eyes. This is precisely what makes your heart almost fail. You've been wondering how he would look like with his hair tied up ever since he decided to let it grow…

He's got no business looking this good. No. Fucking. Business.

But you're a master of pretending you're unbothered, so you just point ahead at their direction with an excited smile. Jungkook's eyes look up to where you're pointing and his eyes widen.

"Oh!" Almost instantly, he kind of hides behind you as well. It's hard to ignore the warmth of his body on your back, even though he isn't close enough to touch you. "Did they make up? Are they dating again?" 

"I hope they will." it's weird how you're both speaking so low, as if they could possibly hear you over the loud chatter. 

"What if they start fighting?" 

"Don't even say that! I put my friendship with Seulgi at risk to get these two to talk!"

You turn your head in time to see Jungkook's eyes frowning as he realizes what's going on.

"It was you?"

"Of course it was."

He crosses his arms over his broad chest and shakes his head slowly in disapproval. "You said you wouldn't get involved!"

"I never said I wasn't going to get involved." you bat your lashes prettily at him, trying to give your best innocent look (unsuccessfully). 

"You damn gremlin."

You whack his chest. "Aw, come on! Just look at them and tell me it isn't working!"

Both of you look ahead again to see them smiling sweetly at each other as they talk. You bounce and giggle excitedly like a little kid. "Look, look! She's blushing!"

Jungkook tilts his head to the side. "But what about Jennie?"

"Oh, Irene and Jennie went out on dates, but it didn't work out in the end. They're just friends." you repeat the exact same words Irene told you earlier. 

"Are you sure?"

"Well, if she cheats on Seulgi, I'll kill her."

You watch as they slowly start to walk away side by side, heading towards the exit.

You jump out of your "hideout" and open your arms in triumph. "I did great this time, didn't I?!"

Jungkook chuckles and leans on the doorway, arms crossed. "Whatever you say."

You're an expert at acting unbothered, but right now it's really hard to do so when he looks at you this way.

He has a pretty lazy smile on his lips. It makes you feel hot inside and your stomach jumps and your heart races. His gaze is intense… but not in the way you're used to. That look isn't his I want to fuck kind of look, it's… it's… shit, you don't know what that means, but it's pretty intense. Why is he looking at you like that?

You just hope he doesn't notice how your legs are wobbly.

It's the first time you see him in person since two days ago, when he slept at your house. Two days after you had sex even though you said you wouldn't. You didn't talk properly about what happened there. To be honest, your brain still didn't process that well. 

Things are awkward between you two - but this time it's a different kind of awkward. A type of awkward that made your cheeks burn while you cleaned yourself and got dressed. A type of awkward that made you feel all fuzzy and warm inside, that made a silly smile grow on your lips every time your eyes crossed his from the other side of the living room, an awkwardness that forced you both to look away and try to pretend your cheeks weren't aching from the damn smile that didn't want to go away. A type of awkward that didn't let you talk about what happened - as if none of you wanted to talk about it, to just keep it engraved in your minds forever, as if talking about it would take all the magic of the moment away.

You don't hate this type of awkward. 

It's not uncomfortable. Not like what has been happening for the past months. Yet, you feel that you need to talk about it - to sort things out clearly and straightforwardly this time… because if the way he's looking at you means anything, then maybe… just maybe…

"I've got good news." Jungkook says suddenly (because he noticed that you've been staring at each other for far too long to not be embarrassing anymore). 

"What?" you fiddle with your own fingers, trying to ease the tension.

"Remember that director I told you about? Mr. Choi?" You nod. "He invited me to work with him."

Your jaw drops, your eyes widen. "What? Are you serious?!"

Jungkook nods excitedly. "Yeah. Well, I'll be like the assistant of the assistant, to be honest, but… he invited me to work with him on his next project. I'll gain some real experience, at least…"

"Are you kidding? This is great, Kook! What the fuck!"

You jump over to hug him, your arms dropping around his shoulders, and Jungkook quickly hugs you back. His low excited giggle right next to your ear makes goosebumps crawl on your skin. 

"I'm so fucking proud of you!" And you couldn't be more honest. Jungkook has always been so  hardworking; he deserves all the success and recognition in the world. You always thought so.

"Thank you," his voice is still low and excited.

He caresses your back. It makes yet more goosebumps crawl on your skin. 

Oh, God. He still smells like baby powder. He always does. You feel tempted to sniff the crook of his neck, just to take a little bit more of his scent, but you hold yourself back. It's not like hugging Jungkook is something new to you. Fuck, after everything you've done, hugging should feel like nothing. But for some reason… hugging him right now feels like a lot.

Feels awkward.

So awkward that you have to remind yourself that you're in the middle of a corridor full of people, and that this hug is taking way too long, so you step back before your brain completely malfunctions. 

"A-And," you clear your throat and put a strand of hair behind your ear, furiously avoiding his gaze. You never thought that Jungkook would make you feel shy like this. Shy and Y/N shouldn’t make sense in the same sentence. "When is this next project?"

"In two days. I think he decided to put me on the crew last minute."

"This means that he really trusts you."

Jungkook smiles sheepishly and massages the back of his neck. "I just hope I won't mess things up."

"You'll do great, Kook. You always do."

He lifts his gaze to you again.

That same look again.

You feel that everything is blurred except him again. No one else is in that corridor. No loud chatter. Just him and his starry eyes, looking back at you, eyes that smile as much as his lips.

God.

You need to sort things out.

You can't just stare at him with heart eyes like this anymore. You need to talk about what happened. This conversation feels awkward because you're both trying to act normal, pretending that there isn't a fucking elephant in the room - an elephant that makes you think of a mattress in the middle of your living room, of sunrays touching his exposed skin, of old pajamas being thrown around and sweat and soft kisses and salty tears dripping down your temples.

You need to know if he also felt that that morning was different. You need to know if he feels the same. Even if he doesn't - even if his heart lays with Yeri or Joy or whoever it might be - you need to know, and you don't care about what the outcome might be. You just can't torture yourself like this anymore.

So you inhale and gulp.

"Jungkook, I was thinking… are you busy after classes?" you ask timidly.

He presses his lips together. "Actually, I am. The boys and I are planning to celebrate the end of the semester tonight."

Mission abort! Mission abort!!

"Why?"

"Oh- it's nothing. I was just…" you can't think of any excuse. "It's not that important anyway. Forget it."

Jungkook looks at you with suspicion. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah! I'm sure. Nevermind."

He still stares at you for a while, frowning. 

"You wanna come with us?"

"No!" you shake your hands dismissively. You're not having this super important conversation surrounded by all of his friends. "I'm just gonna bother you guys. It's fine, Jungkook. Enjoy your night." 

Jungkook shrugs. He takes his phone from his back pocket for a moment. "Well, I gotta go. I promised I'd pay Jimin lunch."

"Alright."

You start to walk in opposite directions.

“But we can meet tomorrow, right?” You turn around way too fast when you hear Jungkook say, a few steps away from you. He looks hesitant, an awkward little smile on his lips. “I have some stuff to do, but we can see each other at night. After I finish preparing my stuff. We could meet, right?” He visibly starts to look more and more awkward as he speaks. As if his confidence started to vanish. It’s kind of adorable. “You could come to my place. O-Or I could go to yours, I don’t care- I mean, can I?”

Your heart is bouncing crazily inside of you. You don’t notice how you’re mirroring his awkward smile. “Of course, Kook. When did you ever need permission to go to my apartment?”

Jungkook frowns as if he just realized how stupid his ask was. “Guess you’re right. Or maybe we could go out somewhere, right? It’s been a while since we went out, the two of us.”

He’s right. All you’ve been doing for the past months is meet to have sex. You don’t even remember the last time you two did something that didn’t involve getting naked. 

“Sure, let’s go out.” 

You stare at each other for a few more awkward moments (awkward is a word you’ve been thinking a lot about lately). See, that’s not how things would go between you two back then. Neither of you ever needed to ask previously to go out. You’d just usually drag Jungkook out of his house by force when you deemed he hasn’t been taking enough sunlight (fucking Overwatch). Or Jungkook would call you at 3am because he was bored of playing Overwatch and just realized there was only expired milk and an empty box of cereal in the cabinets because the last time he and Jimin bought food was 2 weeks ago and he’d be like “hey, let’s go to Walmart” and you’d be like “what the fuck Jungkook it’s 3am” and he’d be like “but Jimin’s not home I need help” and you’d be like “fuck you” but twenty minutes later you’d both be on your pajamas pushing a cart inside of an empty Walmart as you barely register Jungkook ranting about how he thinks he’s lactose intolerant because he had diarrhea the last time he ate yogurt.

That’s kind of how things used to go back then.

At the same time you desperately want your relationship to go back to normal, you don’t really hate the way you’re feeling right now.

“Right, I gotta go.” Jungkook snaps out of it faster than you and nods. “I’ll text you later.”

“Okay.”

Again, you turn around and start to walk in opposite directions. Slowly. Hesitantly. Because both of you know you don't want to go. Both of you know you still have a lot to talk about.

But maybe later.

[bby bear]: i kinda want to kill you rn but

[bby bear]: thank u so fcking much

[bby bear]: ily

[bby bear]: bitch

You're smiling so hard that your cheeks might probably start to ache. If Seulgi texted you this, it means things went really well with Irene. 

The chatter in the dining hall is nothing but background noise on your ears as you scroll down your boring Instagram feed, the plate just half eaten in front of you. You’re not really hungry. Maybe the stress of studying for finals messed your stomach. The hell’s finally over, at least, and you’re sure that your grades won’t be that bad (Seulgi didn’t want to do anything, but you at least convinced her to study with you. That’s the only thing that got her out of her bedroom. Her zombie state was kinda the reason why you studied so hard). 

Some text notifications pop on your screen, but you just swipe them away since none of them are from the person you’re waiting for. All of your friends are planning to go out tonight and some of them are asking if you want to go. No, you don’t. Honestly, you’ve not been feeling yourself these days. Past you would always be up to a party. Past you wouldn’t be having lunch alone in the dining hall - honestly though, you don’t even mind being by yourself. Nothing would make you feel emptier right now than being surrounded by random people. Just one person matters at the moment-

“Hi.”

You almost drop the phone inside the plate when you look up to see who just sat in front of you.

Joy.

Your throat feels suddenly bitter. You have to gulp.

“Jesus, I didn’t even notice you come,” you inhale and chuckle. “How you doing, Joy?”

Joy smiles. “I’m fine.”

She’s lying.

There’s something in the way she looks at you and in the way her smile looks plastic-fake that makes you shiver.

It makes you think that she didn’t even want to be here.

Well, you don’t know about her, but you certainly feel uncomfortable right now. You can’t lie that you’ve been feeling kind of guilty these days because you’ve been fucking the guy she likes in secret, but a big fat load of guilt hit you especially after two days ago. Joy went on a date with Jungkook and barely a few hours later you had him inside of you. And, of course, you had rough sex with him inside of her bathroom. All the while you knew Joy liked him and encouraged her to be with him-

Wow, it’s getting hard to look at her right now. 

You really are a bitch. In the beginning you didn’t feel bad because you stupidly assumed there weren’t feelings involved. It was just friends with benefits, right? You even agreed that you could have sex with other people. If Jungkook started dating Joy, of course you’d stop doing it. Also, there was nothing between you two. You didn’t even feel jealousy.

Things changed, though, and at some point you genuinely started to hate this poor girl for breathing around Jungkook. And now you feel guilty because you realized that you like the guy that she told you she had a crush on months ago.

I took a shower this morning, so why do I feel so dirty right now?

A shiver runs down your spine.

The way she’s looking at you… what if she knows-?

“I’m throwing a party tonight,” she says suddenly. “To celebrate the end of the semester. You wanna come?”

You’ve been fucking the guy she likes for months and there she is, being nice and inviting you to her party. You really are a fake ass bitch-

“O-Oh.” You rub the back of your neck. “I, uhm… thanks, Joy, but I’m not feeling very well today. I just feel like sleeping, to be honest.” You chuckle sheepishly again. 

Joy nods. “Alright.”

She doesn’t insist. It looks like she doesn’t even care. As if she’s just being polite.

In fact, it kind of looks that she’s relieved that you said no-

“So, how was your date with Taehyung?” She changes the topic quickly. “We didn’t even talk about it.”

Right. She’s talking about the person you don’t even want to think about because there’s only so much guilt one person can feel at once. 

“It was fun.” You say. “We had a lot of fun.”

It sounds stupid, the way you can’t even articulate your date with him. You’re not lying - you had fun… kind of. 

“Are you dating him now?”

Okay, this is getting strange. Not the question, but the way she asked. You’re 100% sure she’s annoyed by something, and honestly looks uninterested in your current state with Taehyung right now, so why is she asking anyway? 

“No, we’re not.” You admit. 

Joy stares at you in silence as if she’s waiting for you to say something more, but you say nothing else. Joy then nods. This is getting very uncomfortable.

You feel that she’s about to leave, so you pick up the courage to speak again. She touched this topic anyway.

You know it’s wrong to ask. You shouldn’t. But you’re so curious that you can’t help.

“A-And, uhm… what about you and Jungkook? How was your date?” you try so hard to pretend you’re not dying curious to know.

Joy stares at you in silence again. She isn’t smiling.

“He didn’t tell you?”

What? Is there something to tell?!

“No. Jungkook’s kinda private about this type of thing,” you’re lying, of course, because even if Jungkook didn’t want to, you’d usually annoy him with questions about his dates so hard that he’d end up telling everything that happened.

Joy looks away and quirks one eyebrow. “Oh. I assumed he would have since you guys are so close.”

The way she says so close bothers you.

It’s her turn to rub the back of her neck, her eyes glued on the table - only she doesn’t look nervous. Yeah, she’s annoyed. Joy takes so long to talk that you’re about to repeat your question, but she finally speaks:

“We also had fun. Jungkook really is a sweet guy, right? He did nothing wrong. He’s so polite that it ended up annoying me, honestly. More polite than I would have wanted him to be…” Hah, so they didn’t fuck! Great! “Well, he dropped me home and I invited him to spend the night and all, but… He was very polite. He apologized a lot and said that he couldn’t stay…”

Joy licks her lips. Why the dramatic pause? Say it already, come on!

“He’s also a very honest guy, right?” She chuckled, but she clearly didn’t think it was funny. “He said that he thought I was an amazing person, but things wouldn’t go further than this because…”

For the first time, Joy lifts her gaze and looks at you.

“Because he already had feelings for someone else.”

You’re honestly not breathing anymore.

Joy is watching you very carefully. You’re as stiff as a board.

“Not a fun way to finish a date, right?” She says and chuckles, again, it’s clear she isn’t happy at all. “Anyways, I have to go now. Bye.” 

She gets up and walks away before you can even say anything, as if this conversation was being unbearable for her.

Meanwhile, you just sit there. Frozen. Breathless.

He said things wouldn’t go further than this.

Your throat feels very dry out of sudden. Very, very dry and coarse, as if you’ve eaten sand. 

Because…

You take the water bottle from over the table and drink it in one big, big gulp, until the bottle is empty and your shaking fingers crushed the fragile pet bottle.

He already had feelings for someone else.

You get up and take the tray so fast that you almost drop everything.

Your movements are fast as you walk out of the busy dining hall, your heart beating loudly on your ribcage, your breathing irregular and your mind working at 200 km/h.

He already had feelings for someone else.

He told Joy this. He dropped her home and told her the truth. He apologized. He… he said he already had feelings for someone else. Jesus Christ. Your heart is beating so fast it feels like it’s going to stop anytime soon.

He- He-

He might be talking about Yeri, a little, hesitant voice inside your mind whispers. Well… sure. You’ve been suspecting it for a good while. But… after Jungkook dropped Joy home and said this he-

He went to your apartment.

He went to you.

You feel the need to stop walking and lean on the corridor’s wall. The world around you is blurred.

What is this feeling bubbling up in your chest? A feeling so strong that it’s almost spilling over? This thing that makes you open the widest smile you ever opened and makes you want to jump around the corridor like crazy?

He came to me. He came to me. He came to me. He came to me.

He came to me!

But-

But there’s still the Yeri possibility. 

You need to know the truth. To hear him say it, and you can’t wait another day - not anymore.

You take your phone from your bag and type with shaking fingers.

[you]: hey

[you]: can we meet today?

[you]: i really need to talk to you

Jeon Jungkook is a simp. 

He doesn’t like this word. He thinks it’s annoying how people would call a guy a simp just because he’s treating a girl with minimal decency. 

But, like. He’s a simp. He knows he is. He took a long time to admit this, but lately his pride has been already so crushed and stepped on by a particular pair of feet that he can’t even bring himself to feel anything anymore.

Actually, no. He has been feeling like shit for a long time. It’s just the alcohol anesthetizing him right now.

That’s just his second bottle of beer and he already feels kind of dizzy. It’s been a while since he last drank alcohol, that’s probably why his resistance feels weak. He makes a mental reminder to not drink too much. Jungkook knows that he gets really talkative when he’s drunk and he always ends up saying stuff he shouldn’t - and today especially he can’t end up saying stuff he shouldn’t with that guy around.

If he knew Taehyung would be here too, Jungkook wouldn’t have come. Yes, he knows he’s being childish. He knows he’s angry at someone that didn’t do anything wrong, he knows that jealousy is bad, he knows that technically he is wrong because he’s been dicking down the girl that he knew his friend liked. He knows all that, alright?!

Jungkook throws his head back and sighs, passing his hand through his hair. A chilling night breeze touches his cheeks; since the inside of the bar was already full and they were too many, everyone decided to sit on the outside part of the bar. Jungkook hasn’t been paying attention to anything anyone around him was saying and neither was he interested. He thought that coming here would make him forget about the things that have been troubling him, but in the end he’s just thinking more about them.

I could excuse myself and go home. He thought. I have a lot of things to do anyway. I wouldn’t be lying.

He feels a hand rest on his shoulder and looks at Jimin, sitting on a chair by his side. The look on Jimin’s face already says everything. Jungkook sometimes thinks that Jimin has telepathic superpowers; how does he always know what’s going on before anyone even says anything?

“You alright?” Jimin asks in a low tone, careful not to call anyone’s attention. The younger one nods.

“Yeah.”

“You’re lying.”

“Yeah.”

“Are you drunk?”

“I’m not.” Jungkook reassures. 

Taehyung laughs loudly from across the table and both of them end up looking at him. Jimin looks back at Jungkook. 

Jimin sighs. “You know you can go home if you want to.”

“Yeah.”

Jimin rolls his eyes. “Just… don’t do anything stupid.”

Jungkook looks at Jimin and sips a bit more of the beer slowly.

“Yeah.”

Jimin smacks his shoulder and goes back to his previous conversation with Hoseok.

How Jimin always seems to know what’s going on… it annoys Jungkook a lot. He wasn’t supposed to know anything. It’s not like Jungkook told him about his feelings, Jimin just… realized. They were doing grocery shopping one day and Jungkook mentioned how last time he went to Walmart you told him that the diarrhea he had wasn’t because he was lactose intolerant but because the yogurt was expired and then Jimin turned around and simply said:

“You like her, right?”

And Jungkook gasped.

Jimin smirked knowingly and just kept pushing the cart. He said nothing else - but it was as if Jungkook had just confessed his deepest feelings right there.

This happened a little bit after Jungkook and Yeri broke up and kind of made him feel offended. How could Jimin say he liked you? He hadn’t even gotten over Yeri, Jimin knew very well. However, it seems that Jimin is not only a telepath, he can also see the future, because he couldn’t be more right.

If Jungkook’s being honest with himself, some months ago he wasn’t really really sure about what he felt about you. As the “Yeri” scar started to heal he got more aware of his own feelings and actions towards you, but it was hard to sort things out because he was always in denial. That desire to hold you close and hug you and take care of you and not let anyone hurt you anymore? Well, that was just his protective side. You have always been one of his dearest people. Jungkook also knew that he had a little possessive side. He was sure that this feeling would eventually vanish.

Maybe he was also frightened because he knew it wasn’t reciprocal. You never even looked at him in a way that might mean you felt something else for him. He wasn’t going to confess something he wasn’t sure of to someone that definitely didn’t feel anything for him and destroy a life-long friendship.

But oh boy, how things have changed.

They changed the moment you hopped on his lap that night inside his car. Jesus, that first week was hell for Jungkook. He was trying so, so hard to forget the messy drunken memories of his night with you - especially because, the moment he woke up and saw the pure face of terror on your face when you realized what just happened, he thought of how much you regretted that and all of his hopes died right there - the hopes that maybe, just maybe, you could be more than friends.

Yet, he got to taste you again. Two times were all it took to get him addicted.

He couldn’t stop anymore - and it hurt him much more than he would like to admit. He felt that he was being used, even though he let you do it (and he enjoyed it every time, not gonna lie). He felt worthless, he felt angry at himself because he couldn’t stop and because you were so, so fucking stupid, so fucking blind, he felt sad because he watched as your friendship started to slowly die down, and now he feels jealous and guilty because he’s been seeing how Taehyung likes you - how Taehyung even asked him advice to ask you out - and he didn’t stop fucking you anyway.

That day at Joy’s house? It was ridiculous. Jungkook still doesn’t understand what the fuck happened to him, why he felt so angry. Perhaps he was finally getting tired of how dumb you are, how you can’t see what’s right in front of your face. 

Just thinking about you hurts now. And Jungkook thinks about you a lot. There he is, surrounded by his friends, where he should be talking and having fun, but he’s too busy thinking about you. In two days he’ll start working for Mr. Choi, his first real job. He should be thinking about it. Not about you.

He can’t stop thinking about your flustered face.

You don’t look flustered that often. Especially not around him. 

He thinks this is very intriguing.

What hurt him the most in all this - the thing that made him feel like a piece of shit more than anything - is that he knows you too damn well and he knew that it was never special to you. To you it was just sex, it was just fun; whenever your lips touched you never felt like you were being swept off your feet like he did, whenever you touched him you didn’t feel like just then, in that moment, everything was right - as if the Universe was only created for that specific moment to happen, as if the Universe was expectantly waiting for the moment his fingers ran on your skin freely since the very beginning.

He never felt like this with anyone else. No other pussy has ever made him feel this poetic. 

The fact that Jungkook knew you didn’t feel the same was exactly why he couldn’t stop; this would be the closest he’d ever be from you in that sense - and honestly, after he tasted you, he didn’t want to go back to stage one. You were like a drug. You brought him comfort, you brought him bliss. Having sex with you became somehow of a escapist method. But, just like every drug, you started to make him feel sick… so sick that he couldn’t stand to be around you when you weren’t fucking. 

He drifted away.

God, he even stupidly tried to move on, but Joy was a foolish try. Jungkook felt bad for using her like this - even though he never even kissed her, he felt that he was fooling her anyway. Going on that date with Joy made everything worse, because he was with that gorgeous, intelligent and lovely girl, but he couldn’t feel anything but fucking empty.

He also realized that you couldn’t be his drug anymore. You deserved much more than that. That’s why he drove all the way to your apartment like a magnet. He preferred to go back to stage one if necessary, if it meant that he could be around you without feeling like a worthless piece of shit anymore.

Of course - things didn’t work out that way.

But that morning- it was different.

Jungkook has to sip more of his beer just thinking about it.

It was different.

It was… quiet, very quiet. Much more quieter than he was used to. And much closer than he ever remembered. 

All the times he had sex with you - his body was being pleased, but his soul felt hurt. This time, though, he felt that his whole self was being healed. You didn’t feel like a drug. You felt like a cure.

As if you were connected in somehow of a deeper way.

As if this time, it wasn’t one-sided on his part.

Jungkook can’t stop thinking about it. His pessimistic side tried to convince him that he was being delusional or dramatic (he has this tendency to overthink anyways) and maybe he was, but, again… you don’t usually act flustered, especially not around him. And you’ve been looking flustered around him for quite some now, even before that morning. Sure, your friendship became uncomfortable at some point and he realized that none of you knew how to act around each other anymore, but still… 

What about that time you saw a picture of Yeri on his computer?

You looked very, very awkward.

Or how you sometimes seemed bothered when Joy was around. You teased him a lot at that pool party. Jungkook knew you could get kinda kinky sometimes (he knew you liked the thrill of possibly being caught), but that felt like too much even for you.

His pessimistic side once again tried to convince him that he was seeing things. You wouldn’t be acting jealous. You were never jealous of him with any girl. Never. You even encouraged him to be with Joy, right?

What if… what if maybe, just maybe…?

Stop getting your hopes too high, his pessimistic side scolded. You look stupid.

I’ve been looking stupid for a goddamn long time, Jungkook thinks back. His pessimistic side looks back at him with disdain.

Jungkook frowns and looks at the bottle of beer on his hand. This is just regular beer, right? He surely isn’t so drunk that he’s already arguing with himself.

I should probably go home.

Or…

He could go to your home.

You wanted to talk to him earlier today. You looked very hesitant - again, very uncharacteristic of you. It felt like it was something important. Perhaps you wouldn’t mind if he knocked on your door unannounced - wait, you never cared. At least when your relationship didn’t involve rough sex. I mean- you didn’t mind not even when you started fucking, to be honest.

Why do I feel so nervous? I’ve never felt nervous over such a stupid thing. I mean, she’s the same dumbass I’ve known my whole life.

You’re probably home doing nothing. That’s also very uncharacteristic of you. Normal you would be at some club or party right now, celebrating the end of the semester. Normal you would probably have tried to drag him along. Or you’d meet some time during the night when you’re both too drunk to be standing and then you’d end up at 5am at the usual Burger King because you’re both hungry, and the Burger King employees would be staring at you both with anger and disgust because you’re both laughing like stupid and talking too loud and they’ve been up all night and can’t stand two drunk costumers this early in the morning.

It sounds nice.

Jungkook remembers that Seulgi and Irene made up, which means that Seulgi most definitely isn’t home.

Which means you positively are home alone.

Home alone, huh.

Jungkook sips more beer. 

This sounds nicer.

But, hey, it’s not like he’s being dirty minded (well, at least not entirely). He really wants to know what you wanted to talk about - and suddenly, he doesn’t feel like waiting until tomorrow. Maybe it’s the alcohol (maybe he really shouldn’t finish this beer), but he wants to see your face a lot right now. Your flustered face. And he kinda feels like holding your face with both hands and kissing you very slowly. And he kinda feels like going very very deep inside of-

You know what? Fuck it.

Jungkook puts the bottle over the table and is ready to get up. His excuse is ready. Nobody’s gonna think it’s strange anyway - Jungkook has actual stuff to do.

But he doesn’t have the chance to move when he notices a person approaching the tables where he’s sat.

He freezes.

It’s you.

You’re looking down at your phone before you lift your head and see the group of familiar faces a few meters away from you. You’re alone.

Jungkook’s heart starts to beat furiously inside his chest. A smile unconsciously increases on his lips. What are you doing here? He didn’t know you’d come. He’s also sure that he didn’t tell you which bar he would come to earlier today. Adrenaline rushes through his veins as a hundred ideas run on his mind in those few seconds; did you feel the need to see him as much as he wanted to see you? Did you have the same idea as him? Were you so eager to see him that you couldn’t wait until tomorrow-?

Your eyes finally cross his.

That’s when Jungkook notices something isn’t right.

You look surprised, then a second later you frown, then you slowly widen your eyes.

He knows you too damn well.

You didn’t know he’d be there, too. You’re surprised to see him. And it looks… it looks like you didn’t want to see Jungkook there.

“Y/N!”

A loud, excited, familiar male voice bursts out.

Jungkook watches frozen in place as Taehyung gets up in a swift movement, holds your face with both hands and kisses you.

Taehyung’s lips are warm against yours. They taste like toothpaste and beer.

The kiss is very brief. Taehyung breaks it alway soon, but still holds your face with his hands. He’s smiling widely.

“You're late, missy!" He says happily.

You're frozen in place.

This isn't happening. 

"I-" you stutter. It seems that your brain went into complete malfunction. "I, uhm…"

Your eyes travel back to Jungkook.

He's just watching. Not moving a muscle. No.

No no no no no no.

This can't be happening.

Jungkook wasn't supposed to be here. You thought- you thought he was going to celebrate with his classmates, you didn't expect Taehyung would be here too. No, no. Just no. 

You see the exact moment his features get as hard as stone. The way he clenches his jaw tight.

You can't breathe.

When you texted Taehyung earlier, you didn’t really like that he told you to meet him at a bar. A bar wasn’t the right place to have this type of conversation - you also felt bad that you’d probably ruin his end-of-semester celebrations - but you agreed anyway because you desperately needed to make things clear with Taehyung before you had that talk with Jungkook. You decided to do this because Jungkook was honest and fair with Joy; you needed to do the same. You left the worst of the impressions when you let Taehyung kiss you that day. You needed to tell him the truth, or else he’d just suffer more - and you couldn’t be a bitch enough to just dump him by text.

But fuck -  you didn’t expect Taehyung would fucking kiss you in front of everyone the moment he saw you!

With the corner of your eye, you see Jimin looking from you to Taehyung to Jungkook very fast, his face going pale as he realizes what just happened. No one else notices that something’s wrong.

Jungkook breaks eye contact with you and gets up from his chair. Jimin looks at him, helpless. You know that expression. He’s angry and- and-

Hurt.

You step away from Taehyung, trying to get control over your body again. It feels like pure frost has filled your veins. “T-Taehyung, I…” Your mouth is very dry again. You clear your throat. “C-Can we talk somewhere else?”

You suddenly hate how oblivious Taehyung is and how touchy he is because it’s clear that he’s moving his arm to hold your hand. What the fuck?! We just kissed once, it’s not like we’re dating!

“Sure. Do you wanna get inside? Wanna get a drink?” He asks with the same happy smile. 

You’re trying to think of something to say, but again, someone else behind him gets your attention.

“You’re going this early, Jungkook?” Hoseok whines, oblivious to the whole situation. Jungkook is putting his backpack over his shoulder. He’s looking down, jaw still very tight. Not a word said - yet you could see exactly how hurt he was. 

“Yeah. I have a lot to do.” He simply says. 

“Aw, come on, man!” Taehyung encourages. “You can stay a little longer!”

If Taehyung was a little less oblivious, he would have noticed the death glare sent in his direction.

“I can’t.”

A shiver crawls over your entire body as the death glare is now directed to you. 

He’s so, so hurt.

Jungkook’s walking away.

Stop! You want to scream. You got it all wrong! Don’t go!

But you don’t have the chance to stop him, and Jungkook doesn’t have the chance to walk away, and Taehyung doesn’t have the chance to understand what’s going on.

Everyone turns their heads when they hear a boisterous, scandalous laughter, and the sound of someone clapping their hands dramatically.

Now you’re sure that your veins are frosted. You shiver again - yet this time, it’s pure fear.

It’s Mike.

A very, very drunk Mike.

He looks the worst you’ve ever seen him; his clothes are a mess, his hair has grown a lot, and he hasn’t been shaving lately. His eyes are widened, red and maniac. He stumbles as he walks closer, everyone on the table - and the people on the tables around - stopping to look as he still claps ironically.

“Oh, look at what we have here!” he’s loud. Very loud. “So interesting!”

You notice that Jungkook isn’t walking away anymore - in fact, he comes back a few steps, standing closer to you. His body language has changed. Jimin has also gotten up; it seems that Taehyung might be starting to understand what’s going on.

“This is the funniest shit I’ve seen in a looooong time,” Mike continues. God, he’s drooling. This isn’t happening. That’s not possible.

You watch as some guys come closer to Mike and recognize them as his friends. One of them holds Mike’s arm. “Come on, man. Don’t start a scene. It’s not worth it.” He says in a rather low voice, but you can still hear it.

Mike gets off his grip aggressively. “What do you mean? Of course it’s worth it!” Mike looks at you and grins like a madman. You feel another shiver run down your spine. “Hello, Y/N! It’s been a long time! How have you been?!”

“Your friend’s right.” Jungkook speaks up. “Get out of here.”

“Ooooooh,” Mike shakes his hands as if pretending to be scared. “Look who’s here, too! It’s the bestie! Jeon Jungkook, the best friend your girlfriend could ever have!”

Pretty much everyone on the outside part of the bar is paying attention to what’s going on. They whisper between themselves, looking at Mike, you and Jungkook. You feel so embarrassed that you might as well faint. You feel that you should have said something already, but your brain is still malfunctioning. 

“Jeon Jungkook, the friend that will want to fuck your girl so bad, but he won’t because he’s a coward!” Mike screams and laughs like a maniac.

Jungkook steps up closer to Mike in a brusque movement, but Jimin’s fast enough to hold him back. At this point, all of his friends have already gotten up from the table, wanting to stop Jungkook from doing anything.

“Shut up, Mike! Let’s go!” Mike’s friends try to stop him as well, trying to drag him away, but even though he’s drunk, he’s still strong enough to stay in place.

“You think I didn’t know, huh, Jungkookie? You think I didn’t know that whenever I was balls deep inside of Y/N you wish it was you? You always wanted to make her scream like a bitch the way I did!”

At this moment, the fear and shame are overwhelmed by anger. Without realizing, you are the one stepping closer, you are the person who Taehyung has to grab the arm in order to stop. “Shut the fuck up, you son of a bitch!” You hear yourself yelling.

People on the tables around have gotten up - the noise of many chairs scraping the floor getting louder than the worried voices of the people trying to get away from this mess. You hear someone - a guard from the bar, maybe - threatening to call the police, but you can’t pay attention to him.

“Oh, but that’s exactly what you are! A whore!” Mike yells back. “You got so sad that I cheated on you, but haven’t you been doing the same to me?! You think I didn’t see you two inside the car that night?!”

That night… in the car…

Did he... ?

You freeze again when you see Mike pointing at Taehyung. 

“Hm, you’re Taehyung, right? Are you dating her now? Well, be aware of her best friend right here, unless you like sharing your girl! But Jungkook likes leftovers, right, Jungk-?”

He doesn’t finish the sentence.

Jimin isn’t strong enough to stop Jungkook from jumping over and landing a punch on Mike’s nose.

There’s yelling and the sound of tables turning as a whole lot of men try to stop the fight and glasses breaking and Jungkook screaming incomprehensible things as he holds Mike’s collar and punches once, twice, three times, and then Mike’s mouth and nose are bleeding, and Jimin, Hoseok and Taehyung are trying to get Jungkook off Mike but it seems that not even the three would be enough to stop him.

You’ve never seen Jungkook so mad. It scares you because Mike is too drunk and can’t defend himself - but you’re not scared for Mike, that fucker can die -, you’re scared of what might happen to Jungkook.

So, when Jimin and the others drag Jungkook away as he still tries to free himself violently, you somehow squeeze yourself between them to hold Jungkook’s arm.

“Jungkook, stop!”

The black-haired man looks at you, his eyes red with rage in a way you’ve never seen before. 

You didn’t notice that, in your despair, your eyes filled with tears. This is probably what makes Jungkook stop for a moment.

“Enough! I called the police! Everyone out of the bar!”

A siren can be heard from far.

“Let’s get the fuck out of here!” Jimin yells.

Another mess as everyone grabs their things and to try and run out of the bar - even the people that weren’t involved. You see that Mike hasn’t fainted as his friends grab him out of the bar in a rush.

Jungkook has to get out of here, it’s the only thing on your mind. Jungkook thinks the same apparently, because he’s quick to take his bag from the floor and jump over the bar’s fence to the sidewalk. You assumed that he didn’t drive his way here because he knew he would drink - which means he had to run.

Your only instinct is to follow him. 

You jump over the fence too, much more clumsily than him. Jungkook is already running down the street. 

As you’re about to follow him, you hear someone call your name.

It’s Taehyung.

He’s standing on the sidewalk as customers run out of the bar. And the look on his face crushes your heart.

I am the worst person in the world.

“Y/N, what he said… is it- is it true?” He asks quietly.

You open your mouth as if to say something, but nothing coherent comes out of it. The guilt rushes with adrenaline through your veins. You knew he would be hurt, but it wasn’t supposed to happen this way. It wasn’t.

“I-I’m sorry, Taehyung,” is the only thing you can stutter.

You don’t see what face he makes next - both because you can’t take it, and because you’re already turning around and running down the street after Jungkook.

Jungkook is the only thing on your mind.

You can’t let him go away like this.

You run through the busy streets full of bars. As usual, they’re crowded with people. Some of them look at you running like crazy when you pass by, but you can’t stop running because you can still hear the sirens.

Jungkook has some damn long legs. He runs much faster than you and doesn’t even look back. You can barely breathe and your stomach hurts as you unsuccessfully try to catch up to him. You keep running and running and running until you’re on less busier streets, until the bars are left behind and now you’re on a more residential part of the neighbourhood. As Jungkook crosses an almost empty square, you decided that your body can’t take it anymore. You stop gradually, feeling your entire body scream in pain.

“Jungk- Jungkook!” you yell. 

The black-haired man finally looks behind his back and sees you; he widens his eyes in surprise and stops. 

“Why are you-?”

He doesn’t have the time to finish his sentence as the sound of the sirens get closer. You immediately start to run again and this time - instead of running in front of you - Jungkook waits until you get closer to grab your hand, forcing you to run faster. You two cross the square and run into a stair alley with houses on both sides. It’s quiet here. Jungkook crouches down behind a big trash bin, making you crouch down as well.

You both make as much silence as possible (considering you’re both panting heavily), both sweating, and wait until the sounds and lights of the police siren go away.

After maybe five minutes Jungkook gets up again, dropping his backpack on the floor. He cleans the sweat on his forehead with the sleeve of his shirt; you rest your hands on your legs, trying to recover your breath. Your stomach hurts as if it has been stabbed. Maybe I should start working out.

You notice that Jungkook’s right hand is hurt; his knuckles are swollen and bleeding a little. He frowns in pain as he analyzes it. “You- you’re hurt.” you stupidly stutter. Jungkook shakes his head.

“It’s nothing.” He says in a low voice. “I said I would beat him up if I saw him…”

Out of instinct you step closer to him, worried, and lift your hands to hold his swollen one.

But Jungkook steps back before you can even touch him. He literally flinched away from you.

It feels like an arrow has just buried itself in your heart.

He’s not looking at you.

“Jungkook-”

“No.” He shakes his head again. He’s breathing heavily as if trying to calm himself down. “Don’t… don’t say anything. Please.”

It’s getting so difficult to breathe. Jungkook puts his hands on each side of his waist, staring at something on the floor - clearly avoiding your pleading gaze.

“But Jungkook, I… you didn’t…” why the hell can’t you speak a coherent sentence anymore? That’s why you followed him all the way. You must make things clear, but seeing his face right now makes you hesitate. Jungkook looks genuinely angry; you’ve never seen him like this, ever.

He throws his head back, looking at the sky, and lets a very dry chuckle past his lips. His expression tells you everything you need to know - he’s tipsy, not entirely drunk.

“You know, I don’t even understand why I’m angry.” You’re not sure if he’s talking to you or to himself. “There was never anything real happening, right? We were never real.”

You feel yourself choking on your own words. What does he mean?

“Jungkook, you have to listen to me. I just wanted to talk to Taehyung-”

“You don’t need to explain yourself, Y/N!” He interrupts and finally gazes you back with bloodshot eyes. “We’re fuck buddies, right? It’s just for fun, right? No real feelings involved. It’s not like we’re supposed to care.”

Tears start to make your sight blurred. Each word of his sound more and more bitter, more sad, more hurt, and it feels like someone has buried the arrow in your heart deeper when you realize that his eyes are getting teary, too.

“Stop saying that. You know it’s not true. You’re the person I care about the most in this world-”

“If you start saying how I’m your best friend I’m leaving you right now.”

You frown and blink, trying to dissipate the tears. “B-But it’s true-”

“For fuck’s sake, Y/N! I’m in love with you! Stop acting like you don’t know that already!”

It feels like your brain and your limbs and your lungs stopped working all at once.

Did he… did he just…?

Jungkook exhales heavily. He looks so tired. He rests his back against the wall in front of you, once again avoiding your gaze.

Something tells you that this should have been a happy moment. Deep down, you feel the pure bliss and excitement and it feels like your heart will combust - because you finally heard the words you wanted to hear the most coming directly from his mouth, you finally understood everything; he felt the same, the fucking same.

Yet, all the happiness is being overwhelmed by worry.

You’re watching him intently. You know the man in front of you better than you know yourself. You’ve never seen this expression before - this mix of anger and hurt have never been directed towards you. You’re scared because you don’t know what it implies.

It’s his breaking point.

He might be giving up on you right now.

You don’t know what to say. For a long moment, you just stare at him as he tries to calm himself down - always avoiding your gaze. It seems that words won’t come out of your mouth no matter how hard you try.

“Since when?” is the only thing you can whisper after a long time.

Jungkook shakes his head and lets yet another lifeless chuckle. “I don’t know.” He says in a low, broken voice.

Your fingers are shaking as you close your hands in tight fists. He needs to hear the truth.

“Jungkook.” Yet again, you hesitantly step closer. Your voice is fragile, pleading. “You got it all wrong. Please, you have to listen to me. Today, I-”

“Yeah, I know I got it all wrong from the start.” He interrupts you again. Shut up!, you want to scream. Let me fucking speak!

However, you can’t speak anymore when you notice the tears dripping down his face.

Jungkook is crying.

It’s your fault.

He passes both hands over his face as quickly as the first tears started to fall and sighs heavily. He takes his bag from the floor and shoves it over his shoulder again, turning around before you can see his face again, before you have the chance to say anything.

“I’m going home. You should go home, too.”

And he starts to walk down the stairs way too fast.

Your body is moving before your mind registers and you try to catch up to him. “Jungkook, wait-”

“Don’t.”

Is the only thing he says without looking back.

This makes you stop.

You watch, frozen in place, as he walks down the stairs. You keep your eyes on him as he crosses the empty square again. He’s almost running.

He wants to get away from you as soon as possible.

You know Jungkook too well. You know that, even if you followed him, even if you insisted, he wouldn’t want to hear you anyway. He’d probably despise you even more. This is what made you freeze.

You suddenly feel your legs get weak and sit down on the stair steps. Not only your legs, actually. All of your limbs feel heavy. 

You don’t remember the last time you cried like this. The unstoppable tears just coming and coming and the sobs barely let you breathe. 

You’re crying because you’re ashamed of what just happened at the bar - how Mike made you feel humiliated in front of all those people. You’re guilty because you weren’t honest with Taehyung and now there’s no way back - you let him believe in whatever he wanted to believe instead of making things clear, and now he’s hurt.

And the worst of all.

You’ve been hurting Jungkook so bad for so long without realizing. You hurt the person you cared about the most. 

All of it is your fault.

God, it hurts so much.

You know Jungkook too well. He’s the person that has been always there with you for better or for worse. You always knew you’d have each other’s backs no matter what happens; he’s a part of you, the most important, most precious part of you.

This time, you genuinely don’t know what will happen from now on.

This time... you don’t know if Jungkook will ever forgive you.

[violetwolfraven]

Modern!Wormsies Headcanons because I’m terrified wormsies is going to die before 2021 gets here

Tw for mild horror. I don’t think this is that bad but read at your own risk. I don’t l know why I created it I just felt compelled to but don’t read it unless you’re as insane as I am and are fully prepared to read the most cursed thing I have ever created. Seriously. This is by far the most cursed thing I have ever written. Good luck. 💜

So anyway they’re not selling to survive obviously since it’s modern au.

In my modern au they’re all theatre nerds cause why not.

So they’re backstage one day and Race finds this blue thing behind an old set that has probably been there for several years.

Lo and behold, it is a worm on a string.

And Race is kinda weirded out and wondering who left it there but he’s like aight guess I’m keeping this thing.

He ties it to a strap on his backpack and forgets about it for the rest of rehearsal.

Then Romeo (one of Race’s 3 adoptive brothers, the others being Jack and Crutchie) notices it and f l i p s o u t.

Romeo drags over Specs and Jack and Crutchie to show them the worm Race found and they’re all like omg this is the best thing we’ve ever seen.

Race is still kinda confused but like hey whatever this might as well happen and he just figures if his brothers and his little brother’s boyfriend are gonna obsess over worms, why not join in?

They all get worms somehow. Romeo gets a green one, Specs gets a purple one, Jack gets a dark blue one, and Crutchie gets a yellow one.

When they all show up to rehearsal a few days later with worms, a few others pick up on it and are like lmao let’s join in on the insanity.

So anyway Albert gets a red one, Smalls gets a green one, Mike gets a purple one, Ike gets a yellow one cause it’s the opposite of purple, and Elmer gets a green one.

All the others are all kinda just whatever do what you want don’t involve us in your insanity.

BUT THEN

Over the course of the next couple weeks, only a couple more people join in on getting worms.

Sniper gets a purple one and Finch gets an orange one.

But what’s strange is that everybody starts noticing...

The kids with worms pick up choreography...

Faster and Better...

Than the kids without worms...

They’re stretchier and more agile...

...almost like..?

Almost like...

They...

don’t...

have...

spines..?

They wiggle just like their worms wiggle wiggle wiggle.

And Specs is the most logical of the ones with worms but even he fully believes his worm gives him special powers.

They spend their snack breaks talking about this and a few more people decide to get in on it.

Jojo gets a yellow one, Mush gets a dark blue one, and Blink gets a light blue one.

Davey, Spot, and Katherine still refuse to believe in this.

Sarah got a pink worm and they were all terribly disappointed in her.

But anyway they hold out their lack of belief despite how the kids with worms continue to perform better in dance numbers than the few left without.

Kenny caves and gets a dark blue one somewhere in here.

There are now a lot more kids with worms than kids without and the holidays are rolling around.

Ike gets Hotshot a red worm and Hotshot in turn gets red worms for all his crowd on the stage crew (Bart, Rafaela, Joey, Hildy, York, and Vince).

Hell, even the crew kids perform better with worms, it turns out.

Cause they can run fast to get places they need to be and squeeze through spaces they shouldn’t be able to squeeze through.

But anyway Katherine and Davey and Spot are starting to get a little creeped out.

Cause their friends and partners are starting to act more and more like they’re in a cult, even more than the cult that they’re already in (the drama club).

They pretend their worms have fucking personalities and make tiny hats for them and stuff.

And the ones left without worms are dropping like flies and getting assimilated to the other side.

Buttons gets a light blue one, Tommy Boy gets a pink one, Henry gets an orange one, and

And Sarah gets Les a green worm.

That’s kinda the last straw for Davey.

He fucking waits until his siblings are asleep and he throws their worms in the trash.

But mysteriously

They both have their worms back in time for rehearsal.

And Davey gets home that night and there’s a light blue worm waiting on his pillow.

He throws it away but it’s tied to his backpack strap the next day.

He flushes it down the toilet and it shows up in his favorite hoodie pocket.

He tells Katherine and Spot, super freaked out, but they don’t really believe him cause there’s no such thing as magic worms... right?

Then Katherine finds a purple worm on the seat she usually sits in during breaks.

She’s moderately creeped out so she leaves it there and goes to a different seat but the next break the worm is on that seat.

She can’t remember seeing anyone move it.

Meanwhile Spot is making out with Race behind a curtain (obviously) and Race

Race fucking pulls a red worm out of his sleeve like a scarf trick and gives it to him.

Spot is super weirded out by this and wants to just throw the dumb thing away the minute he and Race are done making out, but he just...

He can’t.

He can’t get rid of the worm, so he ties it to his backpack.

Katherine and Davey are mildly horrified that Spot has given in and won’t give up his worm even though you’re encouraging their cult-like behavior, Spot, come on.

Spot insists that he could throw away his worm if he wanted to, he just... doesn’t want to. And besides, he can keep up with the others on theatre stuff now, so why would he?

So Kath and Davey are

The

Last

Ones

Left

Without worms.

Davey’s worm is still following him around but he refuses to give in and he always gets rid of it as soon as he finds it but it always pops up again.

Katherine’s shows up less frequently, but it starts getting more and more frequent and she starts getting more and more freaked out as one night, she goes into her room and that fucking purple worm is on her pillow.

None of her friends have been to her house in the last 24 hours so this development is fucking terrifying.

She calls Davey and flips out on the phone to him about it and he’s trying to calm her down but Sarah ends up stealing his phone after a few minutes because she’s my girlfriend, Davey, not yours.

When Davey gets the phone back, Katherine is significantly calmer. He asks her if she threw the worm away.

She

Didn’t

Throw the worm away.

She claims it’s fine, that they might as well give in, Davey, we’re the last ones left without worms, just out of stubbornness. And anyway our friends with worms are doing fine; look at your siblings if you need proof.

Sarah and Les are having a tea party with their worms and Davey is getting pretty scared at this point.

He’s the last one left without a worm, though that blue one still always seems to show up wherever he is.

Until

Opening night

Of

Their

Show

Afterwards everybody’s pumped up and ready to go to Applebee’s to celebrate and Davey is relieved because no one has mentioned worms in the last 24 hours or even really looked at the ones still tied to their backpacks.

He thinks maybe the others got bored with it and this thing is finally dying, especially since that damn light blue worm hasn’t showed up today either.

But then Davey is just sharing a nice coffee alone with Jack backstage (which he hasn’t done since the worm thing started because honestly his boyfriend was creeping him out).

Jack suddenly starts crying, and Davey’s all like hey what is it? Babe look at me what’s wrong?

And Jack just goes I’m sorry love I know it hurts now but it’s better in the long run trust me.

That’s when Elmer, Specs, Sarah, and Mush burst in behind them and grab Davey, shoving a bag over his head and dragging him somewhere.

When the bag is taken off of Davey’s head, he’s tied to a chair in the middle of a choir room that all his friends have somehow squeezed into.

They’re all holding their worms.

And Davey is like guys if this is an elaborate prank it wasn’t even that funny to begin with but now it is very very much not funny.

But Sarah just goes in a sad tone it’s not a prank Davey.

Les not looking like he’s trying not to laugh is what makes Davey believe it’s not a prank.

And Davey is legitimately terrified at this point because even Spot and Katherine are looking at him with a solemn kind of pity and when he asks them for help they just shake their heads and tell him everything will be okay.

He turns to Jack and is still clinging to that last little bit of hope that one of the people he loves might not have gone off the deep end.

That last little bit of hope that the boy he loves is still the boy I fell for. I know you’re still in there so please just untie me Jackie.

Jack looks like he’s trying not to cry but he doesn’t move.

Instead he says I love you Davey. It’ll all be over soon.

Do it, Race.

Race steps forward and Davey just about has a heart attack because

He’s

Holding

That

Goddamn

Light blue

Worm

And he takes some rainbow duct tape out of his pocket and tapes it to Davey’s shirt.

And the others all start chanting one of us one of us one of us as Davey can practically feel the spine leave his body and travel to another dimension where there’s a man who collects them.

It turns out the others were right that he should just give in.

Now it’s time for them to get the rest of the school.

Edit: here is my attempt to justify myself for this. 💜

[phati-sari]

Hello PS! Hope you are doing well and everything is going okay on your end. First of all, I was to convey my heartfelt thanks to you for this awesome site and your amazing posts that keeps fans like me enthralled and escape from reality. I am interested in knowing your thoughts on why IPKKND became such a smashing hit and why are we so much invested and drawn in to this story? I know you are not too keen on us giving you options so I will just stop with an open ended question ☺️ Thank you somuch

Hi!

Awww, this is so sweet! Thanks :) I’m glad you like the blog!!

IPKKND was made in the era of saas-bahu serials -- serials that were defined by what we now call kitchen politics: issues that women encounter in shared households. They’re relatable and sometimes fun and reassure the audience that their experience is not out of the ordinary. 

Into this landscape came IPKKND -- a youth-based romantic drama that focussed as much on the depiction (and to some extent, validation) of lust between the lead characters as it did on True Love. A drama in which the male lead had more to do than stand in the background and provide reactions, a drama in which the female lead had agency (I’ll come back to this).

It’s difficult to see in retrospect but 4Lions broke and subverted many tellywood tropes with IPKKND. I’m not saying that it was the first Bad Boy meets Good Girl story, or that it was the first time we were shown an Angry Young Man with a Heart of Gold. They’d tried much of it with Geet, and Pratigya was being played at around the same time. But the way it told this story changed the landscape of tellywood.

IPKKND balanced everything it wanted to do quite well. It told a story about two families but balanced it with stories about the Alpha and Beta couples. Compared to serials that came before and after it, IPKKND didn’t get lost in its sub-plots, didn’t introduce characters just to forget about them, and was generally a very focussed, enjoyable story until it reached the end of its original story arc. And then it ended. I believe this is one of the most important aspects of its lingering success: that it ended before amnesia or an evil twin had to be introduced to extend the storyline.

IPKKND is one of the most syndicated shows in tellywood. It’s been successful in most of the markets it’s been introduced to. There’s a kind of universal appeal to this story. I think it, again, comes down to balance. Khushi is presented as the Every Woman -- the female audience is encouraged to see themselves in her. But she has a lot of agency.

There’s a tendency in shows to present the female lead as someone things happen to. By this I mean that the female lead is often a bit like a billiard ball -- she goes through life in a set direction and external forces change her trajectory. People are mean to her, they plot against her and misunderstand her, but she doesn’t cause any of it and is always blameless.

Some folks go through life this way -- framing events as though they have little to no agency and things happen to them and around them rather than seeing themselves as actively involved. This framing works for that audience and I definitely see it in much of the interpretation and analysis of this show. It’s present in 99% of the fanfiction written around it.

But IPKKND puts Khushi and Arnav at the front and centre of their story. They make things happen. Their (often bad) decisions and actions cause much of the conflict in the serial. Shyam is just there as a catalyst and as a vehicle for Devi Maiyya’s will -- Arnav and Khushi destroy themselves and their relationships more thoroughly than Shyam could ever dream of doing. (After all, his plans usually fail!!). 

So I think this is one of the reasons for its popularity. Whether the audience recognises it or not, it’s IPKKND is framed slightly differently from other serials in the same genre.

Another contributing factor is Arnav -- he straddles the line between Angry Young Man and Abusive Jerk admirably for a tellywood character. There’s something about our social conditioning that tells women that slightly aggressive (and a little angry) men are more desirable (I guess the idea is that they’re strong and they can protect us). But with that comes the expectation that, however much of an ass he is to others, he will be caring and loving towards those he loves. The challenge is to convince him that we belong in that inner circle. IPKKND plays into this with gusto.

The alpha-male lead is caring and protective towards his family, particularly his sister. An atheist, but he keeps a permanent temple in his home for his family. A self-made businessman and workaholic, but he always leaves work to come home if someone needs him. A rich and powerful man, but he rehearses apologies in the mirror. Arnav represents an ideal that is rarely found in reality, but it’s an ideal many of us (unconsciously?) strive for. Khushi certainly does.

She’s almost immediately attracted to the Bad Boy aspects of Arnav. He’s so forbidden, so outside the realm of what she’s expected to be attracted to, that she’s drawn to him. And Khushi isn’t some paragon of goodness either -- there’s an answering darkness in her that makes them perfect for one another. She helps him heal from a trauma and he becomes her anchor.

And while I say all this, we have to recognise that IPKKND is far from perfect. It can be problematic in its normalisation of abusive behaviour and its refusal to examine exactly how and when Khushi went wrong. It places too much emphasis on some things and not enough on others. It does not, in my opinion, depict a relationship we should aspire to -- men like Arnav are more likely to genuinely be abusive than have a heart of gold hidden deep inside and shows like this teach us to keep digging rather than cut loose and find someone else.

But in the end, IPKKND transcends its tropes to become something more. It’s the combination of the story, the clever use of tropes and motifs, the brilliant cinematography, the high production values, the balance of comedy and romance, the balance of family and individual subplots, the amazing casting, and the fantastic acting :)

[chocoluckchipz]

Will You Help Me, Marinette?

                                  Read it on A03, FF.net, WattPad

Halfway into her walk to work, Marinette’s phone chimed. An amused smile tugged at her lips. A new record. Usually, he’d text her first thing upon waking up. Had been for years. She was already starting to suspect something had happened.

Adrien: Help!

She rolled her eyes. If it were anyone else, she’d panic. But it was Adrien, an overgrown man-child to whose overly dramatic, exaggerated ways she was used to by now.

Marinette: I’m bringing you croissants. Don’t worry.

Adrien: U rock!

Adrien: But that’s not it. Can I ask you for a favour?

She stopped at the lights, looking around for cars and quickly ran across the street.

Marinette: Coffee? I’m about to walk by our café.

Adrien: Thanks, but not today. My photoshoot relocated at the last moment, so I won’t be in until much later in the day.  

Adrien: I’ll still meet you at our cafe for lunch. Don’t order without me.

Marinette: :thumbs-up:

One end of her scarf got loose and seeing as Adrien was still typing, Marinette stole a moment to fix it, swaddling her neck away from the crispiness of cool air on the early April morning.

Adrien: Marinette, you’re my best friend and the luckiest girl I know, and you’re super smart and creative, so if anyone, you’d know what to do, and I really can use help now in something super important.

Adrien::puppy eyes: Please?

She didn’t bother suppressing a giggle, attracting a few glances from a morning crowd around her. Turning the corner, Marinette inhaled a warm aroma of fresh baked goods from a nearby café. She grew up and still lived in a bakery. She should've been used to this kind of thing. Yet this one was special. It was close to Gabriel’s office, and Adrien and she loved to frequent it during their lunches.  

One of the servers waved at her, wishing her a good day. Marinette waved back, asking how their new kitten was adjusting. A brief exchange later, she walked on, a buzzing device in her hand reminding her of an unintentionally abandoned friend.

Adrien: T_T

Adrien: Are you ignoring me?

Adrien: Five minutes had passed. No answer. :sobbing:

Adrien: I thought we were friends? Friends help each other.  

Adrien: …

Adrien: You do still like me, right?

She couldn’t hold back a chuckle. Such a drama queen and an incorrigible dork. Though, no one would ever believe her if she’d say that out loud that because in the public eye a supermodel, part-time CEO of a fashion empire Adrien Agreste was perfect in every sense of this word. Only his closest friends knew better.

Marinette: I beg your forgiveness, Your Highness. I was distracted by Pierre. How can I help you?  

Adrien: :D You like me after all!

Marinette: I wouldn’t put up with your insufferable antics otherwise. Now, spill because I’m about to walk into the office and you’ll lose me five minutes after that.

Adrien: Okay.  

Adrien: So…

Adrien: I’ve decided…

Adrien: To confess to the love of my life.

Marinette froze in her path, her heart sinking. Tightening her grip on her cellphone, she stared at the screen in shock. Adrien was in love with someone? Why didn’t she know about that? They’ve been friends for years, so how did she miss that the love of her life was in love with someone else? Her quickening-its-pace heart ached as Adrien continued to type.

Adrien: I tried to confess to her on my own many times but chickened out every single one of them because I’m terrified of ruining what we already have if she doesn’t feel the same for it’s amazing and wonderful and absolutely beautiful, but I’m also at a point where I NEED more. It’s getting too hard to be just a friend.

Adrien: So, I’m risking it and I need you to help me. As my oldest and best-est friend ever you must help me. Please, say you’ll help me?

A knife Adrien didn’t know he’d stuck into her heart twisted, ripping through tender flesh. Marinette bit on her tongue and closed her eyes, breathing in deeply. She needed a moment before she could reply, so walking into Gabriel’s building, she proceeded to the elevator and didn’t check her phone until she was safely in her office, settled in her chair.

Adrien: Marinette?

Adrien: I hope I didn’t ask for too much. You’re the only one I can trust with this.

Adrien: If you’d rather not, though, it’s fine. I’ll figure this out somehow.

Adrien: Are you upset with me? I’m sorry. I didn’t think this would be a big deal.  

Adrien: … Please, say something.

Marinette read over the messages a few more times before dropping her head in her hands, propped on the table. This hurt. It ripped and crushed and devastated her, but as much as she’d love to run away and scream her pain out right now, Adrien was her friend first of all, and as his friend, she’d be supportive of him even if it hurt her.

Marinette: Sorry. I got distracted on my way. In my office now, so you have my full attention.

Adrien: T_T Don’t scare me like this. I already thought you hated me.

Marinette: Why would I hate you?  

Adrien: Idk. Just a thought. So, you’re in?

Marinette: Are you sure you want me involved? Love confessions are kind of personal.

Adrien: Mari, please. I’m twenty-three. I don’t want to die an old maiden because I’m too chicken to confess to the most amazing, gorgeous girl around.

Marinette stared at the phone. She was also twenty-three, and ten of those years, she’d spent loving Adrien. All in vain, it seemed now. And yet, she couldn’t find it in herself to regret a single moment because Adrien had been brightening her days ever since their mothers became friends at a random book club meeting all those years back. She couldn’t desert him now, even if she wanted to.

Swearing under her breath, she cursed her inability to say No to him once again and typed.

Marinette: Alright. Let’s start with the name of the lucky lady.

Adrien: Can’t tell you.

Marinette: Seriously?

Adrien: Yes.  

Marinette: How can I help you if I don’t know who she is?

Adrien: Keep me accountable. Bug me until I confess. Remind me every freaking minute that I can do it. Idk, threaten me or something. We’ve been friends for what? Almost fifteen years now? You know how I work and how to make me do things. That’s why I’m begging you and not Nino.

Marinette wished he’d asked Nino instead because helping Adrien confess to some girl was the least of Marinette’s desires.

Marinette: It’s going to be hard to suggest anything specific if I don’t know who she is, but fine. We’ll think of something. I get the front row seat at the wedding, though.

She wanted nothing less but Adrien couldn’t know that.

Adrien: Thank you! I’ll save you the best seat in the house… IF she accepts.

Marinette: Oh, please! You’ve got looks and money. Who would refuse you?

Adrien: See, that’s the issue: she knows me too well. She won’t be swayed by my looks or money. T_T Why do you think I’ve been stalling?  

Marinette: Your dorkiness is finally catching up with you?

Adrien: Meanie.

Marinette: :P I’m sure everything will be fine. Now, is there anything you can tell me about her?

Adrien: She works at Gabriel.

Marinette tried to swallow the knot in her throat. Of course. Adrien must be in love with one of the models. He worked amongst the most beautiful girls in France every day, and who was Marinette? A junior designer in his father’s company? Not ugly or a failure per se but she was nothing to be proud of also. Marinette was just a girl whom he’d known her for most of his life and whose every fault he’d witness more than she’d like to admit. Nothing new and exciting to catch his attention. She was an idiot to ever dare to dream of him.

Yet, gritting her teeth together and pushing the thought aside, Marinette typed a response because he was her friend and he needed her help.

Marinette: You can ask her out to lunch for starters? Take her to our cafe. I’m sure she’d love it there.

Adrien: …  

Adrien: But we always have our lunches together. I can’t betray you like that.  

Marinette: I’ll be fine. I have a few designs I need to finish today, so I’ll eat at the work cafeteria.

Adrien: They don’t have your favourite.  

Marinette: I can survive one lunch without an eclair. Or I can call Alya and meet up with her.

Adrien: Shoot. Gtg. Ttyl.

Marinette: Good luck.

Adrien: <3

Marinette put the phone away. dropping her head onto the table. They’ve been so close for years. How could she have missed that Adrien was in love with someone? Was she that blinded by her own feelings for him? If she wasn’t, maybe then she would’ve noticed and could’ve prepared herself and not feel this excruciating pain in her chest now.

Her phone chimed again. This time it was Alya, reminding her of their Friday night plans. Marinette briefly responded, not paying close attention to what she was saying, adding an invitation for lunch at the end. Not that she was eager to be in anybody’s company today, but it was better than sitting alone and obsessing over who Adrien’s lady-love was. She knew herself and right now she needed a distraction not to fall apart. So, pushing misery aside, Marinette pulled her work files and started on finalizing her sketches due by the end of the day.

Closer to noon, Adrien texted again. As he always did.

Adrien: Guess who’s all done and who’s so nervous about today, it showed in pictures and drove my photographer insane?

She bitterly chuckled. Classic Adrien.

Marinette: Nothing to be bragging about. I thought you were a professional?

Adrien: I am. That’s why I’m done already. All you have to do is to imagine spaghetti. :3

Marinette: Dork.

Adrien: Proudly so.

Adrien: Marinette, thank you. I REALLY appreciate you being with me on this one. Honestly, I just can’t do this alone, and I wanted to do this for so long now, I’m desperate. So, your help means a lot.  

I don’t want to help you, Marinette grumbled to herself.

That’s what friends are for, right? she wrote instead.

Adrien: She’s just so amazing, it terrifies me to lose her, but I can’t imagine myself being with anyone else. We’re perfect for each other. I hope you’ll agree with me once you’ll see who I’m talking about.  

Adrien: Okay, I’m downstairs. I’ll drop by after I see Father.

Marinette: Cool. See you soon.

She put her phone on the desk, pushing her designs away. Tears, successfully withheld by the distraction of work, surfaced at the corners of her eyes, as the reality of what was going on hit again. Adrien was in love with someone and that person wasn’t her despite Marinette’s most daring hopes because otherwise, Adrien wouldn’t be asking her for help.  

Someone opened the door, walking in without an invitation. Marinette quickly wiped away the lingering moisture in her eyes. Adrien couldn’t see her crying or he’d know she was less than happy about this confession of his. She was heartbroken, but for his sake, she'd keep a brave face and smile until the end.

“Lila?”

“Didn’t except me?” The woman walked closer and settled in a chair opposite Marinette, a mug of coffee in her hand.

“Not really,” Marinette replied coldly. She hated Lila for lies and manipulations. Why M Agreste hired her as a model was beyond her. “What do you want?”

“I’ve come to warn you,” Lila said, ceremonially checking her nails.

Marinette quirked an eyebrow. “About what?”

Lila smirked, putting her mug down on a table. “Adrien and I are going public today, and we’d like you to stay out of it.”

Marinette inwardly growled. There was no way that could’ve been true! Yes, Lila was not so subtly trying to get Adrien’s attention for a while now, but as far as Marinette knew, Adrien was tolerating her antics only out of innate politeness and kindness of his heart, not affection.

“You’re lying,” she seethed. “Adrien had never mentioned—”

“That’s because he knew you don’t like me, and he wanted to spare your feelings since you’re his friend and all.” Lila shrugged. “But we’ve been secretly dating for a while now. Not anymore, though.” She smirked. “Adrien’s taking me out for lunch on our first official date today. But, to make it easier for everyone, I thought I’d warn you”—Lila’s face became stone-cold, her voice and glare matching—“stay out of my boyfriend’s life or you’ll regret it, Marinette.”

“What if I won’t?” Marinette barked without thinking twice. “He’s my friend. I have a right to—"

“You have absolutely no rights when it comes to my boyfriend.”

“I won’t believe it until I hear it from him personally.”

“You shall see it on the news tonight."

Lila’s sly smile promised nothing good as she stood up, picked up her coffee, and turned around to leave. Her hand swayed. Marinette’s blood ran cold because the mug in Lila’s hands tipped over, all of the coffee inside spilling all over Marinette’s desk, her sketches and her outfit. “Oops! Clumsy me.”

“You!” Marinette rushed to save what she could of her work.

“Stay away from Adrien or this will only be the start,” Lila whispered, leaning closer. “He’s mine.”

“Oh my gosh! What happened here? Marinette, are you alright?” Adrien suddenly appeared by her side.

“Adrien,” Lila cooed. “You’re just in time. We have to help Marinette. She spilled her coffee all over her hard work.” She picked up a few coffee-drenched papers, making a show out of trying to save them. “You’re such a klutz, girl. Let me help you before you do any more damage.”

Marinette glared at Lila, pressing her lips into a thin line.

“Marinette, are you okay?” Adrien took her by the shoulders and turned to face him.  

“Of course, she isn’t,” Lila interfered. “Just look at her: the poor thing’s all soaked. And doesn’t she look pale to you? She might be getting sick. We should ask your father to give her a day off. Or better yet send someone to do that. We don’t want to be late for lunch. I'll go call someone.”

The moment Lila stepped out of the room, Marinette looked at Adrien and asked, “Are you really taking her out for lunch?”

Adrien pressed his lips together, looking away as he nodded.

Lost for words, lost for actions, lost for anything, all Marinette could do was to stare at the ground.

“It’s not—”

“Oh my gosh! Marinette, what happened?” Alya pushed Adrien to the side and took her friend by her shoulders. “You’re all soaked.”

“Found her wandering down the hall,” Lila looped her hand around Adrien’s arm. “She’s here to pick up Marinette for lunch which reminds me that we need to go now or we’ll be late for our reservation. The girls can take care of this mess by themselves, right Marinette?”

Marinette wanted nothing more than to slap Lila and take Adrien away. He deserved so much better! How could he fall for Lila? Didn’t he see what kind of a person Lila was? Didn’t he know how she felt about her? How could he ask her advice on this? Tears pooled in her eyes. Adrien was her best friend. She loved him, but this hurt too much. It felt too much as a betrayal, and if Adrien cared for her so little as to ask her for advice on how to woo her enemy, then Marinette didn’t want him to see how much that pained her.

“I’ll be fine with Alya.” Marinette turned away to gather her papers. “This is my mess; I’ll clean it up. You should go.”

“What’s going on here?” Gabriel Agreste himself appeared behind them.

“Marinette spilled coffee all over herself and her work,” Lila rushed to explain.

“Father, I think—”

“You should clean up and take a day off,” Gabriel interceded. “I’ll give you an extension on those. Now, Adrien. Why are you still here? Don’t you have lunch to go to?”

Adrien glanced at Marinette, then to his father. His lips pressed into a thin line. “Yes, I do.”

"Then off you go. Mlle Dupain-Cheng would be fine without you.”

“Right.” Adrien reached forward to lightly touch Marinette’s elbow. “I’ll call you later,” he mouthed and walked out the room with Lila Rossi on his arm.

Adrien didn’t contact her until the very evening when exhausted from the day, Marinette put the work she took home away and went for a stroll.

Adrien: Hey. Sorry, I had a few things to settle. How are you?

She closed her eyes for a moment, before looking back at the Seine. The gentle lure of waves calmed. It mesmerized and relaxed. Marinette always came here when she was stressed, or tired, or needed a pick me up. She couldn’t explain it, but there was something soothing and healing about gazing at the passing-by waters of the Seine. Her own safe haven, a little oasis in the desert of stress and chaos. Today, Marinette needed it more than ever.

Adrien: Marinette? Is everything okay?

No. Nothing was okay, and she’d rather not talk to him now, but… years of friendship and her treacherous heart demanded otherwise. He hurt her, but it was also him, who she wanted to comfort her right now. Pathetic, she knew that, but better texts than face to face.

Marinette: Everything’s fine. Taking a walk.

Adrien: Where are you off to?

Marinette: [image 1509]

Adrien: Pont des Arts?

Marinette: You know your Paris well.

Adrien took five minutes to reply, but when he did, he did so in person. “I know you well. You always come here when you need to calm down or to think things over.”

Marinette whipped around. Adrien was standing just a few meters away. Trying to catch his breath, he ran his hands through his dishevelled hair to fix it back in somewhat decent shape.

“Adrien? What are you doing here?”

“I need to ask you something.” He walked closer, stopping only when Marinette was pressed flash against the bridge, his hands on either of her sides, his face inches from hers. "Why didn't you expose her?”

Marinette blinked. “What?”

“You didn’t spill that coffee. Lila did. And don’t even try to deny it. You never bring drinks in your office unless it’s in an air-tight container because you think you’re too clumsy.”

Marinette shifted her eyes to the side. “I am clumsy.”

“Just a tiny, adorable amount. Nothing serious.” He cocked his head to the side. “So? Why did you let her get away with it?”

Marinette looked away. She hated Lila and Adrien knew that. What did he expect her to say? Why did he even come here? He should go back to that liar girlfriend of his.

“It’s so unlike you. I want to know what’s going on.”

She didn't know what to answer him, so she remained silent.

“Marinette, please? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“You’re lying.”

“I’m not.”

“Then look me in the eyes and repeat that.”

She tried and failed. Adrien sighed and pulled her into his arms, whispering into her ear. “Marinette, please. Why did you allow her to walk all over you? You never did that before. What’s happened? You know I won’t leave you alone until you tell me.”

She closed her eyes. The gentle tone of his voice, the comforting wrap of his arms around her, his body’s warmth so close to hers… It stirred those damn butterflies at the pit of her belly, ripping through her heart at the same time… because he’d betrayed her. He’d fallen in love with the only girl whose guts Marinette hated more than anything and there was nothing either of them could do because who could control their heart? Adrien couldn’t help loving who he did… which, however, didn’t mean he could be so inconsiderate of her. He knew she hated Lila!

“Marinette?”

She pushed him away. It hurt to remain in his embrace any longer.

“Mari…”

“Leave me alone. Go to your girlfriend.”

His eyes widened as he stared at her in shock. “My girlfriend?”

“Lila.”

“Lila?!”

“Yes, Lila,” Marinette huffed, turning her back to him, her face to the Seine. “Can’t believe you had the audacity to ask me of all people for advice on that. You know how I feel about her!”

Her eyes focused on the rolling waves as Marinette waited for an answer that didn’t come for a few moments and not until Adrien walked to stand beside her, searching her face with his eyes.

“Just to make sure I understood you correctly: you think I’m in love with Lila?”

“Aren’t you? You took her to lunch just as you said you would.”

Adrien laughed, leaning on his arms to rest on the bridge. “Marinette, you know me better than that. I took Lila to lunch only because my father blackmailed me to do so.”

Marinette rolled her eyes. “A likely story.”

“No, really. He said Lila dug some dirt on him and her price for silence was me. And Father, knowing you’re my friend, threatened to fire you if I won’t comply.”

Marinette looked at him, her eyebrows knitted into a frown. “What?”

“Don’t worry, your job is safe, and I made it clear to both of them that I’m not taking part in any of their bullshit. If Father wants her silence, he’d better pay for it some other way.” Gently, Adrien cupped her shoulder, turning Marinette to face him. “Seeing what she did to you… it made me angry. I wanted nothing more than to protect you at that moment, and the best way to do that was to deal with the cause once and for all. So, I trusted Alya to take care of you, and I went with Lila only to ensure she won’t be troubling you again. And after that, I visited Father and we had a long talk about the situation. He won’t be bothering either of us again as well.”

Marinette stared at him for a few seconds before muttering without thinking. “What did you do?”

“Nothing significant. I explained to Father how serious I was about quitting Gabriel the moment you’re fired and we both know he can’t afford me walking out. Not with me owning half of the company in my mother's shares. Lila, though, was harder to get through. She kept dismissing me until I pretty much avenged you. Then she got the message loud and clear.”

As in a haze, she echoed, “What did you do?”

Adrien grinned. “I might have placed my plate of spaghetti in a strategic place for it to be accidentally tipped over and end up all over Lila.”

Marinette gasped. “What?!”

His grin widened. “I only placed it in the spot. She did all the job herself, and”—he leaned closer—“there might have been a reporter close by and he might have taken pictures if you are interested.”

“What? How?”

Adrien chuckled. “Lila hired someone to ‘witness’ and report on our ‘first date’. The guy reached out to me later to see if I wanted to buy the embarrassing pictures of ‘my girlfriend’ from him. I wasn’t interested, but I saved his card in case you are.”

Marinette stared at him for a moment, then erupted with laughter. “You’re horrible.”

“She deserved so much more after what she did to you.”

“Still, spaghetti?”

“Just using her own methods against her, and only because she wouldn’t listen to me when I was nice.”

Marinette chuckled. “Dork.”

“And you like me that way, don’t you?”

“I do,” she smiled, relaxing against the railing. She looked up at the stars and breathed in. So many worries for nothing. She should've trusted Adrien more.  

“Marinette?”

She hummed, turning to him.

He looked hesitant, moving closer. “Were you jealous?”

Marinette squeaked, her face flaring crimson, as she shook her head. “No! Why would I be jealous? I—”

“You looked like you were jealous.”

“No, I wasn’t!” Her face burned hotter with every moment.

Adrien chuckled before turning serious and reaching out to cup her face in his hands. His touch, gentle and warm, sent electrical current down Marinette’s body. He slowly started to lean in. Her eyes widened with realization, fluttering close the moment his lips hesitantly brushed against hers.

“The girl I’m in love with is you, Marinette,” Adrien whispered, searching her face for a reaction. “You’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met, and I’m the fool who couldn’t find the courage to confess to you for years without asking you to keep me accountable because I’m terrified my feelings will ruin our friendship, but I can’t keep it in anymore. I love you, Marinette.”

Dumbfounded, Marinette stared back at him wide-eyed. “Me? You love me?”

His lips tugged in a hopeful smile as he nodded. "Will you give me a chance? I promise I’ll make you happy if you’ll let me be more than just a friend.”

Marinette forgot how to breathe. “Adrien—I… I don’t understand. You said—I thought—”

She froze, seeing his face saddened, and shook her head. No! What was she doing? She’d dreamed of this moment for years and now that it was finally here, why was she stalling?

He slowly pulled his hands away.

She couldn’t let him misunderstand her even if her reaction was puzzling to her herself, so she grabbed the collar of his coat and pulled him down, crushing her lips against his.

Adrien stilled. Then wrapped his arms around her and angled his head to deepen the kiss. She let him press forward, pushing her against the railing of the bridge as their lips moved heatedly in tandem, years of pinned-up love and desire spilling out. It was only when the air became a necessity, she pulled away breathless and smiled at him.

“I love you too, Adrien. Have been for years.”

His face lit up.

“And just like you, I was too scared to confess. Looks like we’re both hopeless idiots.”

Adrien pulled her closer, burying his face in the crook of her neck as he pressed a lingering kiss to a patch of exposed skin he found there.

“I’ve wanted to do this for years,” he whispered.

“You could’ve if you’d asked,” Marinette replied, running her fingers through his hair.

He leaned into her touch, almost purring from the pleasure. “Can I now?”

“Yes.”

He growled lowly, tightening his hold on her. “Mine.”

She giggled, wrapping her hands around his neck. “Possessive much?”

“Very.” He grinned. “Marinette?” Without letting her go, Adrien pulled a key with a ladybug keychain on it out from his pocket. “Will you also consider moving in with me?”

“What?” Marinette blinked. “Right away?”

He shrugged. “It’s not like we need time to get to know each other better. We grew up together. We know what makes us tick and what we like. Why wait?”

Marinette smiled. Adrien was right. They did know each other well. And it wasn’t like she hadn’t dreamed of sharing her days, her nights, her happy and sad moments, her dreams and fears, her life, her everything with him for years. Why wait indeed? “I’d love to move in with you.”

Adrien grinned harder and pulled her in for another kiss. Slow and sweet, filled with longing, and need, and desire.

“In that case,” he added, his voice raspy as he drew away and, pulling a small box out of his pocket, dropped on one knee. “Will you also consider marrying me?”

Marinette gasped as Adrien revealed a gorgeous ring inside.

“Adrien, you’re insane. What are you doing?”

“I thought I’ll ask everything in one go,” he admitted. “It took me years to confess, and I don’t want to wait that long for the next step. So why not? We can have a long engagement if you want, or you can say No now and I’ll ask again la—”

“No, you really are insane,” Marinette kneeled beside him, cupping his cheeks and kissing him slowly. “How can I say No to you?”

He grinned. “Is that a Yes then?”

“That’s a Yes.”

He held her gaze for a few moments, giving her that goofy, happy smile of his before shaking off his stupor and sliding the ring on her finger. “I don’t think I’ve ever been so happy in my life.”

“Me too.”

“I already looked up hamsters in my local pet store. They’re keeping a few for us to choose from until next week,” Adrien murmured. “You did want a hamster, right? Three kids and a hamster. We'll start with the hamster and add kids later—"

Marinette laughed and grabbed him by his coat’s collar again, pulling him closer.

“As much as I’d love to talk kids and hamsters with you,” she whispered. “Right now, I need you to kiss me senseless. Leave the rest for later.”

A lovesick smile tugged at his lips. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Marinette echoed, weaving her arms around his neck, losing herself to the caresses of the man she loved more than anything.

[ardentaislinn]

Yuletide Letter 2020

Hi! I am also ardentaislinn on AO3. Thank you so much for volunteering to write one of my chosen fandoms! I really can’t wait to see what you come up with. Most importantly, I hope you have fun writing whichever of my fandoms it is. Any suggestions I make here are optional.

Here you’ll find:

My general likes

My DNWs

And prompts for the following fandoms:

Peninsula: Train to Busan 2 (2020) - Jung Seok, Min Jung, Joon Yi, Yoo Jin

Stranger | 비밀의 숲 - Hwang Si Mok, Han Yeo Jin

Kingdom | 킹덤 - Prince Lee Chang, Seo Bi

Illang: The Wolf Brigade | 인랑 (2018) - Im Joong Kyung, Lee Yoon Hee | Kim Seo Hee

A quick note on the Korean names - I’m fine with however you choose to transliterate them. Hyphen/no hyphen, Shi Mok/Si Mok, etc. Just do what you are comfortable with and I’ll adjust no problem. No need to add the honourifics, though

My likes:

I love getting together fics most of all. I love almost every kind of trope (fake dating, slow burn, rivals-to-lovers, “unrequited” pining (that is really requited), found families, etc.) Also, casefic, epistolary fic, consent, forbidden pleasures, beta heroes, bed sharing, masquerades, military kink, physical imperfections, ladies being badass and female relationships (whether romantic or friendship), relationships that build tension before exploding, equal relationships, trapped together, competence, communication, U/RST, positive endings.

You may notice from the below that my ships mostly involve sweet and occasionally broken men being head over heels for awesome ladies, (and usually not feeling worthy). So that dynamic is strongly encouraged.

I also like smut, but it certainly isn’t a necessity. For smut, I’m (sadly) fairly vanilla. But I like light bondage, cunnilingus, shower sex, and accidental/consensual voyeurism, (Particularly guys taking matters into their own hands when they think they can’t be with their lady, and the woman stumbling across him mid-act. Possibly my favourite kink ever? Writer’s choice whether the woman joins in or gets embarrassed)

Happy endings (or at least hopeful endings) are preferred. Like, super, super preferred. I don’t mind angst at all, but it kinda has to be on the way out of the darkness by the end.

Dislikes/DNWs:

Miserable endings. Major character death. Baby/Pregnancy fic. Humiliation. Drug use/drug mentions/addiction. Self harm/abuse. Non-con/rape. Heavy kink. A/B/O. M-Preg. Incest. Bestiality, animal harm etc. Underage sexual content. 1st person POV (unless for epistolary). Not big on high school AUs or Rock band AUs. Unbalanced power dynamics in ships without acknowledging/exploring that. (This effects one particular ship below, which I’ll discuss in more detail in the fandom section).

I think that’s it?

And so, to the fandoms, in no particular order:

Peninsula: Train to Busan 2

Jung Seok, Min Jung, Joon Yi, Yoo Jin

While maybe objectively not as good a film as the first one, I still enjoyed the hell out of it. Given that it was essentially a cross between Escape From New York and Mad Max, what isn’t to love? I loved the expansion of the world and the clever uses of zombies in the chase scenes. And I loved that the message was that being logical and self-sacrificing isn’t always the right choice - sometimes you should be driven by heart and empathy. And I really liked the idea that anything can mean happiness when you love and are loved in return - particularly in regards to Joon Yi, but also Jung Seok (and his found family?).

What would interest me the most in this fandom is post-movie fics. But if you wanna do a canon divergent/au thing, I’d be cool with that, too. Some prompts:

Joon Yi struggles a lot more than her sister to readjust to a “normal” life

In order to stay together after being rescued, Jung Seok and Min Jung have to pretend to be married

After four long years of loneliness, Min Jung just wants to be touched

Jung Seok isn’t surprised to find himself in love with Min Jung - and wanting to be a father to her girls - but is he good enough for them? He’s left them behind once - can he forgive himself? Can Min Jung?

The zombie plague escapes from Korea - and Jung Seok, Min Jung, and her girls are the closest thing to experts on how to fight back and contain it that the authorities have. Will their nightmare never be over? Or is this a chance to end it once and for all?

With Min Jung in hospital while her leg heals, Jung Seok suddenly finds himself a surrogate father to two very unruly girls.

Stranger | 비밀의 숲

Han Yeo Jin, Hwang Si Mok

This show is just so good, and Si Mok and Yeo Jin - and their relationship - is a big part of that. He’s logical and doesn’t feel things the way most other people do, but that doesn’t mean he’s given a free pass to be an asshole. He’s a good man who always does what’s right. And Yeo Jin is just as smart as he is, and equally committed to doing what’s right, but in a different way. They make a perfect team.

I love how much they absolutely, completely, trust and respect each other. Si Mok cares about her as much as he is capable - probably more so than he cares about anyone else. There isn’t any drama or jealousy or anything like that in their relationship. They are both practical adults. But it doesn’t mean they don’t have a deep bond. I do ship these two - and would love getting together fic if you can!

Prompts:

Yeo Jin will probably have a tough time of it from now on. How will Si Mok support her through it?

How will Yeo Jin and Si Mok keep in touch now that he’s moved away again? Late night phone calls that slowly become more intimate? Texts or emails (epistolary style)?

In the last episode, there was a hint that Si Mok had a prophetic dream. What if he really did develop a power? And Yeo Jin was the only one he trusted with the truth?

What if Yeo Jin and Si Mok had to travel somewhere for an investigation - and there’s only one bed…

Si Mok isn’t incapable of noticing when a woman is attracted to him. But what if that woman is Yeo Jin? Do they try to make a friends-with-benefits arrangement work? Or do they like each other two much for that?

Everyone already knows Yeo Jin and Si Mok are close - but why do their friends suddenly think they are dating? What’s changed? And how do they stop the rumours - without disappointing all the friends who were hoping they’d finally become a couple?

Yeo Jin had drunk one too many shots of soju and thought she might never see Si Mok again - so she’d jumped his bones and snuck out before he woke, full of regrets. But what happens now they have to work a case together again?

Feel free to bring in the other characters, too, as long as Yeo Jin and Si Mok remain the focus! I love the various dynamics they have with the people around them.

Kingdom | 킹덤

Prince Lee Chang, Seo Bi

Like with Si Mok and Yeo Jin above, so much of what I like about these two is that they are great characters separately - but work so well together as a team. They trust each other. He has great faith in her abilities and respects her so much. And she is loyal to him and respects him in return because she knows he’s a good man and a good leader.

I also love how the show uses both politics and horror elements, both to best advantage. It’s so well-written and compelling.

Now, I can see how this ship skirts close to my “no unbalanced power differentials in relationships” DNW, since he’s a prince, and she’s very much not royalty, so I thought I would clarify my position on this. I would most like fic set after he gives up his place in the royal family, since I think that mitigates basically all the issues. Even though I don’t think he would have intentionally abused his power over her, and Seo Bi was never particularly deferential to him, it still would have effected the relationship. Now that they are on more equal footing, there may be some lingering, residual issues surrounding this, but I feel like it’s at the level of bringing some interesting angst into the equation without feeling icky, if that makes sense.

Prompts:

Lee Chang and Seo Bi are somehow transported into modern day Korea. How will they adapt?

Both Lee Chang and Seo Bi have seen horrifying things - and they have the nightmares to prove it. How do they help each other through?

I feel like there are a million stories you could tell within the time jump at the end of the second season. Seo Bi and Lee Chang are travelling together, but no doubt keeping their mission to find the resurrection plant a secret. Are they pretending to be married? Is there anything Lee Chang has to adjust to now that he’s no longer, technically, the crown prince? How are they making money? Is Seo Bi hiring out her medicinal knowledge, while Lee Chang sells his sword? How far will they go to find the answers they seek?

The properties of the resurrection plant are still largely unknown. What horrors will they have to face next, now that another outbreak is looming? 

Lee Chang decides that Seo Bi needs formal fight training - and takes it upon himself to teach her.

What moments of levity can they find together amongst the horrors?

Lee Chang knows he shouldn’t think of Seo Bi in that way - they are colleagues, and despite everything he is still from a royal family. He needs her too much to risk everything because of his desire. But oh, how he wants her…

Illang: The Wolf Brigade | 인랑 (2018)

Im Joong Kyung, Lee Yoon Hee | Kim Seo Hee

So much about this movie is absolutely my jam. The action scenes, the exploration of what desperation can drive people to, the unclear loyalties that are slowly revealed. That whole sequence when they first meet and spend time together is like a distillation of so many of my favourite things. He sees her and is just instantly gone on her. And she for him. And from then on it’s just a quiet, intense longing between them. They are so aware of each other, every sense drawn towards the other. But he’s so broken, and he sees himself as more animal than man. And it’s revealed that she has equally deep wounds, too.

An argument can be made that at least some of it was an act, of course. They were both trying to deceive each other after all. But I think it’s pretty obvious that there were real feelings there, particularly because she tries to warn him that he’s walking into a trap, and he comes back to save her. Maybe even they don’t know how deep their feelings go, or the other’s feelings, but the audience knows.

And yet...I’ve seen it twice now, and the ending is still no clearer to me. Like, is he dead? It doesn’t seem like it, since both she and her brother saw him at the train station. But maybe he’s like a guardian angel now? And if he’s not dead, where did the shot come from? A hidden gun? The sniper? And most importantly of all, if he’s not dead...why aren’t they together??? Like, aren’t all the potential impediments to their relationship gone by that point?

So, I guess most of all I would like fic that makes more sense than that ending - preferably by giving them the happy ending they deserve.

Prompts:

Joong Kyung watches over Yoon Hee from the shadows - but she always knows he’s there. How can she convince him to come into the light, and back into her life?

Yoon Hee’s brother gets himself into trouble, and the only person she can turn to for help is a man she hasn’t seen in too long - Joong Kyung.

Joong Kyung now walks the line between the living and the dead, but he can’t stay away from Yoon Hee. (Paranormal/magic AU?)

Has there been too many lies between them to make a relationship work? Neither think they are worthy of the other, but when they are pulled back together (to give evidence for an official inquiry?) they can’t quite keep their distance.

Joong Kyung is on the run, and he doesn’t know who to trust - except the one woman he’s never forgotten.

Misunderstandings and lies abound between them - but what happens when they are trapped together and must wait for rescue?

If you don’t want to do a post-canon fic, how about canon divergence? What would have happened if the phone hadn’t rung in that warehouse at that moment? Might Yoon Hee have told herself that she could use her body to prove her loyalty to him? And might Joong Kyung have told himself that it couldn’t hurt to succumb - that it didn’t mean anything?

I think that’s everything. Thank you so much!

[getitinbusan]

Jinnuendo

Jinnuendo Submitted by @befriendswithj​ is the first fic for our Campfire writing game. Jungkook, Jimin And Yoongi coming soon. Taehyung, Namjoon and J Hope are still open!

Camping with your friends was supposed to be fun- you could only agree, now that Jin had made camping even funner. 

 Jin x Reader

8806 Words

Genre: Fluff, Friends to lovers, Smut, Crack,

Warnings: Alcohol consumption, dirty talk, fingering, outdoor sex, unprotected sex (wrap it before u tap it, kids), Jimin’s cakes, The title… Well, there’s no excuse for that, sorry

I think that’s it?

_______________

“Yikes, I wouldn’t wanna be her right now”

Said the bus boy standing next to you, crossing his arms as he watched the restaurant manager approach the newest addition to the waiter team, who was currently involved in a rather heated discussion with a guest,

“It’s a shame she’s gonna have to leave, she was nice…”

You added and both of you sighed heavily and returned to your duties while the poor girl was being fired for standing her ground. She was the third one this month alone. To be fair, your manager was not an easy man to please, so it only made sense that new additions to the tea would be examined even more closely than you and the others, who had worked here for longer. The only thing keeping you safe from the manager’s wrath was your natural ability to fake-smile for hours on end. It was a gift as much as it was a curse but it had secured your job in the customer service sector so far.

And soon you will have survived another painful day of serving bitchy, rude and entitled Karen’s and Chad’s for the sake of financing your studies. At least they tipped well if you smiled hard enough.

This was your last day of work before you could look forward to two weeks of uninterrupted relaxation time. You handed in your last paper for this semester last week, so all of the work for university was also

done and nothing would interfere with your plans to sleep for three days straight and then spend the rest of the time at the beach, cooking in the sun.

“See you guys in a few weeks”

You yelled into the kitchen after you gathered your things and clocked out for the night. A few hurried goodbyes reached your ears before you exited through the back door of the restaurant and finally breathed in the fresh air, smelling of freedom and definitely not the burger grease stench coming from the kitchen AC vent.

No, it was definitely freedom and it was glorious.

_________

After a hot shower and big glass of wine you were slumped on your couch, ready to pass out any second now, when your phone went off and almost gave you a heart-attack.

You took a deep breath and checked the caller ID to see your friend Seokjin calling,

“What is it?”

Normally, Jin calling was a thing you were happy about, however, being interrupted while passing out after a 10-hour shift at your job, was not a happy occasion and you couldn’t mask the annoyance in your voice,

“Whoa, what’s got your panties in a twist? Did that guy at work steal your tips again?”

He asked and you breathed a heavy sigh,

“No, I think he learnt his lesson after I cut out the butt on all his work pants…

You answered, slowly sitting up and reaching for your wine glass to empty it with a last few sips before continuing the conversation

“Why are you calling so late? I was about to fall asleep…”,

“I just wanted to remind you to pack if you haven’t done it already. Which you probably haven’t. Case in point”

Pack? You creased your brows. Pack for what?

“YN? You still there?”,

“Uhh, yeah I am I just… can you remind me what I’m supposed to be packing for?”

If you weren’t so tired, you’d probably be a little more embarrassed,

“Seriously? It’s that time of the year, YN! It’s blackout week! Joon send everyone reminders months ago! And then weeks ago! And then again 2 days ago! How could you forget the most magical event of the year?”

You needed to hold the phone at a slight distance as to not go deaf at the sound of Seokjin’s friendly reminder. He was right, though, how could you forget? Blackout Week was the one week that you and your group of friends all looked forward to collectively every year. A whole week of camping in the mountains near a beautiful lake and no one was allowed to bring any kind of electronic devices, unless it was absolutely necessary for survival. A flashlight would be an exception but other than that you guys were pretty adapt at reverting your way of life back to the good old dark ages.

You were lucky that Jungkook and Hoseok had been part of a group of boy scouts or else blackout week would have ended in a disaster each time. Yeah well, maybe you had exaggerated when you said that all of you were pretty adapt at this stuff… But nevertheless, you were all very determined, which was just as important,

“Shit, you’re right, I completely forgot…”

You ran your hand across your face and sighed,

“Of course, you forgot, why am I even surprised…”

Jin sounded more upset that he actually was, you knew him by now. You just needed to work him a little bit,

“How early are we leaving tomorrow? Can I do it in the morning? I’m so tired…”

You probably sounded a little whiney but that usually did the trick with Jin,

“I told you to be ready at 5, you know how long the drive is. Ah YN, I still can’t believe it, you’re so careless sometimes…”

He already sounded a little softer,

“I’m sorry, I’ll start packing right now, ok?”,

You made sure to sound like the helpless damsel in distress you wanted Jin to believe you were and you were sure you had cracked him. You heard him sigh heavily on the other end of the line,

“Do you need help packing? I’ll come over and help you, it’ll be quicker and you can get more sleep”,

“Are you sure? It’s late already…”,

“Just stay awake for the next fifteen minutes and open the door when I knock, ok? I’ll be right there”,

“Ok…”

He hung up and you smiled to yourself. There were a few advantages to knowing how Jin’s mind worked. And knowing Jin, he would never not come and help you out and you were grateful to have such a selfless friend. He knew you were an absolute mess and he didn’t mind picking up your slack once in a while because you took care of him in turn. It wasn’t like you turned up whenever he called, like he usually did for you but you were the type of friend to think of things he forgot to do for himself. You had been friends for so long, that he had given you a key to his apartment a while back and you used it to make sure his fridge was always stocked, and his plants were taken care of. He worked a lot. Way more than you and the little things like self-care and chores sometimes got put on the back burner. Since you had a little more time on your hands you would take care of these things once in a while.

Before you got up off the couch to put on some comfy pants, you stretched your tired limbs and pressed play again to let Netflix run in the background.

Jin knocked right as you finished pouring two mugs of coffee, which both of you would probably need to undertake the monumental task of packing your camping bag. You opened the door and let him inside, handing him the mug right away and watching a smile creep onto his face,

“Coffee was a good idea”

He said and slurped loudly after he closed the door,

“Thought it would make me feel less dead. I have yet to see that theory proven”

You sipped on your coffee, too,

“Thank you for helping me, though, I completely forgot about the trip”

Jin waved you off,

“At this point I’d be surprised if you actually had remembered it. I know I’m usually the busy one but this semester you’ve had so much stuff to do, that I can’t even be mad you forgot everything not related to uni”

You smiled at him. Even though Jin loved to get his Dad mode on and get all red-faced and out of breath from all the scolding, he was a softie at heart and everyone knew, no matter how hard he puffed up his chest, he never really meant any harm. He was all bark and no bite and none of your friends took anything he said seriously,

“Let’s get started then”

He said and put down the mug in your sink before waltzing off towards your bedroom and digging around in your closet until he emerged with your suitcase. You watched him zoom around the place for a second until you joined him, sitting down on the bedroom floor and grabbing some clothes to roll up and place in the case,

“You want some snacks?”

You asked Jin in case he wanted some food in addition to the great entertainment you provided with Netflix in the background, your loud combined breathing and the rustling of useless stuff around you as you moved it around to find viable things to pack,

“I’m good, thanks, though”

He said and dived head first into a pile of clothes to look for your warmer sweatshirts. The end of summer was in sight and you would be staying pretty high up the mountains, so better be prepared,

“Although… do you still have some of those mini pretzels?”,

“Yeah, sure”

You got up and got him the bag of his beloved snack and then it was time to get some real work done.

_________

“Thank GOD we finally made it!”

Jin jumped out of the car and went to kneel down to kiss the ground but you stopped him before things could get ugly. What a baby, you thought to yourself… so what if you sang along to Cotton Eyed Joe for three hours straight? It’s a timeless masterpiece,

“So what if I sang along to Cotton Eyed Joe for three hours straight, it’s a timeless masterpiece!”

You argued and Jin’s eyes almost bulged out of his head,

“A timeless- can you even comprehend the unspeakable agony I was in? It felt like my soul left my mortal body and only the haunting of Cotton Eyed Joe remained…”

He could be such a drama queen sometimes. You rolled your eyes and sighed; deciding to be the bigger person really should be considered a virtue,

“Anyway, we made it here on time, didn’t we? You sure know how to burn some rubber when you don’t like the music I play…”

Jin pulled himself off the ground, holding onto the car door. His joints weakly cracked while he got up,

“I aged like 30 years during this trip and it’s only just starting…”

He mumbled to himself, shaking his head and making his neck crack in addition to everything else,

“What was that?”

You asked and Jin quickly went to unload the trunk,

“Nothing, nothing”

He answered, avoiding an even longer discussion about Cotton Eyed Joe.

You quickly joined him and had your bags unloaded in no time.

It seemed like you were the first ones to arrive at the camping site and when you informed Jin of that, his mood immediately shifted,

“We get to choose our spot?”

He looked at you in disbelief,

“Seems like it…”,

“Finally, we don’t have to sleep next to the dumpster!”

You never got to choose your spot because you had never been the first ones to arrive,

“Jin, there isn’t even a dumpster here, were in the middle of literal nowhere, nothing but lake, mountains and forest for miles”,

“True but somehow, the garbage always ended up being next to our tent because it was the only space left”

Ok, well, you guessed that was kinda true. You didn’t mind it though, you were a heavy sleeper,

“Ok, so let’s pick a good spot this time, hm?”

You said, clapped your hands together and looked around to assess the available spots,

“How about over there?”

You pointed to the edge of the clearing, where the trees began to grow thicker and taller. Jin squinted and pursed his lips,

“Hmmmm….”

He hummed and you guessed you wouldn’t be setting up there,

“What do you think about setting up here?”

You walked into the middle of the clearing, near the stump where the campfire would be set up later and Jin immediately pursed his lips even harder and hummed louder and you quickly suggested more,

“Ok, so near the lake then? Work with me here, Jin”

You walked down to the soft grass near the shore and presented it as appealingly as possible and Jin lips formed a smile. He nodded, finally. He walked towards you with the rolled-up tent under his arm and you planted it firmly in the ground. Not a second to soon, too because right after you set it down, another car approached and parked right beside Jin’s,

“Ah, the cavalry arrives”

You commented and just as you and Jin had planted the last fixture and the tent was stable, the car doors opened and the three Musketeers exited the vehicle in style.

Yoongi, sporting his usual urban-grandpa-couture, adjusted his tinted glasses and ran a hand through the hair that stuck out from his

headband, before he casually nodded at you and Jin in greeting. Hoseok and his brother Taehyung waved at you enthusiastically in their brightly coloured jackets and each held up a bag filled with goodies that looked extremely promising,

“Woooow! You’re here early!”

Hoseok could barely believe it,

“And you even grabbed the best spot, well done guys!”

He congratulated you, genuinely surprised that you made it here before anyone else for the first time,

“be honest, did you ever expect this to happen?”

You asked him as he came over to hug you and Jin simultaneously,

“Not in a million years”,

“But we’ve been rooting for you guys ever since we started this tradition”

Tae said as he leisurely strolled over and hugged you tightly,

“Thanks, it only took us almost 10 years to get here, so we’re gonna make sure to rub it in your faces whenever possible”

Jin piped up and you chuckled to yourself,

“If you got here so early you could have prepared the fire already instead of being lazy”

Yoongi grumbled and trudged over, as well,

“Missed you too, boo bear”

You cooed at him and went to pinch his cheeks,

“Goochie goo, look at you, you put on weight”

You loved treating him like a baby. He also loved it when you did it but he would sooner die than ever admit to that,

“Ugh, don’t touch me”

He weakly tried to wiggle out of your grip on his pinchable cheeks and after they presented all the goodies, they brought with them, you helped the guys set up their tent. Then you actually did prepare the fire.

The last of your friends to arrive were Namjoon, his baby cousin Jungkook and Jimin. Even more pinchable cheeks for you to victimize, you thought, rubbing your hands together evilly.

When they arrived, the rest of you were sitting around the fire and you only noticed their arrival when you heard their voices approach through the trees. Apparently, they had chosen to hike here,

“I’m never listening to you again… hiking here, I can’t believe I thought this was a good idea”

Joon said, sounding somewhat out of breath as he and Jungkook stepped into the clearing. He dropped his bags and drew in a long breath,

“Come on, it wasn’t that bad! And it’s not like you couldn’t use a little more exercise…”

Jungkook said, mumbling the last part of the sentence,

“What was that?”,

“Nothing, nothing…”

Jungkook picked up Joon’s bags in addition to his and marched on towards you guys, sitting by the fire. Jimin stepped out of the woods last and looked just as ethereal as everyone remembered. As he ran a hand through his hair, the sun immediately took a step back to let him take the place in the spotlight.

A collective sigh ran through your group and a couple of awkward glances and coughs were exchanged before you all got your bearings back. He smiled when he saw you and gave a little wave that made you giggle like a little girl when you waved back. Jin could only shake his head in disbelief. Sure, Jimin was hot. Even he could admit to that; but surely you thought Jin was handsome, too, right?

“Sorry we’re late, guys!”

Jungkook said as he reached you and set the bags down,

“Don’t worry about it”

Hoseok got up first and hugged the younger boy tightly before the rest of you got up and said hi. Joon and Jimin walked over, too and the hugging continued for a little longer than usual hugging because everyone took a little more time to get an extended hug with Jimin. It was honestly ridiculous how thirsty all of you were for him. And the poor guy had no idea.

______

After all the tents had been set up, everything was prepared and all of you had settled back around the fire, you watched Yoongi and Jimin prepare dinner, while Hoseok and Taehyung played UNO and Jungkook was scribbling something in a notebook. Jin was sitting next to you and reading through the gas grill’s user manual, Jimin and Yoongi were currently trying t get to work,

“Are you sure, you’re not holding it upside down?”

You asked him and reached out to grab it from him but he held it out of your reach and sighed,

“YN, I know how to read a damn…- hold on, it’s actually upside down”,

“Wait, really?

You were only joking about the upside-down thing,

“NO, of course not! How incapable do you think I am?”

Jin slapped your shoulder with the papers and you laughed as you tried to lean away far enough,

“Very, and I’m not even sorry for it”

you said and Jin’s mouth dropped open and he coughed out a laugh,

“With a friend like you, I really don’t need any enemies”

He said and you leaned back in to look up at him and channel your cutest pout,

“This is why you love me, though”

You were right, he thought, no one could make him feel so dumb, yet so happy at the same time. Especially with an annoyingly cute pouty face like yours,

“You’re lucky, that’s true”

He continued flipping through the manual and soon, the grill was working and he saved Yoongi and Jimin from their misery. Just in time, too because Tae was getting hungry and no one wanted to deal with that.

_______

“Aw man, that was so good!”

Jungkook said, stuffing the last food from his bowl into his mouth, chewing loudly,

“You want the rest of mine?”

You asked him, holding your bowl in his direction and he nodded eagerly, big eyes getting even bigger,

“There you go, big boy”

You smiled to yourself and handed him your bowl,

“God, where is all that food even going?”

Yoongi said, as he watched Jungkook devour the additional food he had just received,

“Shhh, let him eat”

You shushed Yoongi with a pat to his leg and watched Jungkook munch happily,

“Anyone want some rice cakes?”

Jimin piped up and opened up a Tupperware filled with the juicy looking sweet treats,

“Oooooh, Jimin, they look amazing!”

You couldn’t believe your eyes; they were your favourite,

“I knew you’d like them”

Jimin said as he watched your eyes and smile grow bigger,

“Have some”

He added and held the box your way,

��Oh yes! Thank you”

You got up and tiptoed around the fire to kneel in front of him to munch on his cakes.

You looked at him with glossy eyes, happy that he remembered your favourite treat. And they were good, too. So good, that you had to close your eyes as you had the first bite,

“Ohmygod”

You mumbled with a full mouth,

“Amazing”

You said and Jimin smiled proudly. Jin watched the interaction quietly from his seat.

Damn, he thought, he should have remembered to bring some rice cakes for you. He wasn’t really jealous of Jimin and his cakes. Really, he wasn’t. He was convinced that little crush of yours was completely food related, so he didn’t really think there was anything more to it. All he wanted was for that interaction to have taken place with him and also, for you to give all your attention to him and not Jimin. That seems like a reasonable mindset, right? So, in conclusion, he wasn’t jealous, at all.

However, when Jimin took a second rice cake out of the box and held it to your lips, time seemed to slow down for Jin and not in the good, romantic way he would have preferred it. Jimin gently placed the cake in your mouth and your lips closed around his finger for a second before he slowly pulled away. You moaned in pleasure as you started chewing and Jin had to bite down on his tongue to not lose his mind. To the others this was a completely normal and innocent thing to witness; just two friends sharing some food, what’s wrong with that? Everything, according to the way Jin was currently staring Jimin down and tried to telepathically communicate his disdain for the way he fed you food in the most erotic way possible. Ok, maybe he was a little jealous, after all.

Why was this suddenly getting to him? He knows that the relationship you have with him isn’t purely based on friendship, since the both of you had had some ambiguous moments of will they, won’t they before but it was never really anything you acted upon or even talked about. Nothing to take seriously.

Maybe, by watching you and Jimin flirt so innocently, he had just realized now, how precious you really were to him and that he wanted to try and incorporate a romantic aspect into your relationship.

Or maybe, he just never felt threatened before. Never felt like his place in your life was about to be taken away from him by a guy with sweet, juicy and delicious cakes.

Damn Jimin’s cakes! Jin got up and started collecting everyone’s dishes. He didn’t want to continue watching you basically crawling in Jimin’s lap and sucking the cakes off his fingers.

Maybe he went a little too hard with the whole dish collecting thing because as he ripped Jungkook’s bowl from his hands, the younger hadn’t completely finished I and yelled after Jin, as he went down to the lake and started vigorously scrubbing everything.

However, Jin didn’t know that he had absolutely nothing to be jealous of because as soon as he had left the circle, Tae, who was sat next to Jimin, made him feed him cakes, as well.

Let’s just say that even someone as oblivious as you knew when some actual sexual tension was developing. You decided it was time to awkwardly retreat to your seat now, before you were sandwiched in between the two boys. Only now did you notice that Jin had left the comfort of his camping chair,

“Hey, were did he go?”

You asked Joon, who was wrapped in a thick jacket with his hands around a warm cup of tea. While someone outside of your circle might be a little confused at the sight of someone with such a warm jacket on in this warm weather, you had stopped wondering about his weird habits a while ago. He slurped his tea and pointed down to the shore where, if you squinted heavily, you could faintly recognise the outline of Jin’s body in the dark. You excused yourself from the others and walked the short distance to join Jin in washing the dishes. He was slumped over, kneeling at the shore and, apparently, hadn’t noticed you approaching. So you yelled and gripped his shoulders from behind:

“Careful!”

The high-pitched scream he let out almost burst your eardrums but it was definitely worth it to see him almost jump into the water in shock,

“What the hell, YN? Why would you do that?”

He was clearly very upset about the whole thing but you only snickered like a mean little kid and kneeled down next to him,

“I’m sorry, I just couldn’t resist”

You said and took the knife he was scrubbing out of his hands. Safer this way. Even in the dark you could see his eyes, big as saucers and it only made you laugh more. You took his hand in yours in apology and Jin didn’t resist, he just yelled louder like he usually did,

“You’re such a brat! I volunteer to do the dishes and what do you do? Wow, the disrespect is off the charts!”

His yelling was like an affectionate pat on the back by now because you knew he would never actually yell at you in anger. He knew you loved it because you always laughed even harder when he started ranting. And when you squeezed his hand a little tighter, he was sure there was nothing he enjoyed more than making you laugh by making an ass of himself,

“I’ll stop, I promise!”

You bowed your head and clutched his hand to your chest, still smiling,

“Tsk, empty promises”

He shook his head and you looked up at him,

“I’ll make it up to you, I’ll help you with the dishes”

You said eagerly,

“And also, I snagged one of the rice cakes for you”

Jin listened up,

“I know you love these things even more than I do”

He heard some shuffling and then you held your hand up in front of his face, a tiny cake sitting in your palm,

“Open up”

You said, taking the cake between two fingers and holding it up for Jin,

“For me?”

He asked, just to make sure he wasn’t imagining this,

“Of course, for you, you genius”

Jin slowly opened his mouth and you gently placed the treat in it, like Jimin did with you. However, Jin didn’t think of Jimin in this moment, he only thought about the way your thumb lingered on his lower lip for a few seconds before you pulled your hand back. He felt his affection for you stir in his heart again.

He also felt something else stir in a different bodily region at the feeling of your fingers on his lips.

He quickly turned away and swallowed the sweet cake before clearing his throat,

“Thanks”

He managed to mumble and went right back to washing dishing and willing away the growing problem you were responsible for,

“Move over, I’ll help”

You said and crowded his space again to help him with the dishes and then a comfortable silence set in, only interrupted by the occasional loud laughter from the rest of the guys.

_________

The last night approached quicker than all of you would have liked. After all of the days spent on the lakeshore, basking in the sun and eating smores at night around the campfire, it was finally time to return to your normal life. You and Jin had gotten used to the tent situation quickly, even though it wasn’t the most comfortable or convenient.

Well, for Jin at least. After the you had gone to sleep on the first night, Jin lay awake for a while longer, not being able to get your small fingers and your gentle touch out of his mind and it didn’t help that you were right here next to him, bodies only separated by a thin sheet you used as blanket.

And it had only gotten worse.

Tonight, the silhouette of your body, illuminated by the dying light of the fire outside, made Jin especially weak. He, like you and the others, had a few drinks to celebrate your trip and commemorate your friendship and, surprisingly, alcohol didn’t do a lot to enhance his self -control. More like the opposite,

“You good? Are you comfortable?”,

“Yeah”,

“Ok”

You and Jin had finally arranged yourselves into the bed rolls and were about to go to sleep. You were turned away from him with not a lot of distance between your bodies. It had been an especially hot day and even though it was already dark, the air and the ground hadn’t begun to cool down, yet. Jin was uncomfortable in the heat and he had already stripped down to his briefs; just being in the tent, next to you, not even a sheet over your bodies, to avoid even more heat, he felt like his body was heating up even more. He heard you shuffle around a little and then your thin top was flying over his face and you wore nothing but your underwear,

“I’m sorry if this makes you uncomfortable but I feel like I’m melting”

You said and fanned your face to feel even the slightest relief from the heat. Jin didn’t say anything for a few seconds, too caught up in the realisation that you were in nothing but your underwear, right next to him,

“It’s fine”

His voice betrayed him, sounding breathy and thin. He cleared his throat,

“Don’t worry about it”

There, he sounded super manly again,

“I’m dying over here… it was nice when we were in the water but now? I’m not made for this weather”

You lamented and turned to Jin, tucking your hands under your head to be comfortable. He was glad that it was so dark because if there were even a little bit more light coming in from the outside you would have seen him staring shamelessly at your tits, pushed together between your arms,

“Yeah it’s uh… really bad”

Very smooth, Jin, managing to answer even though his briefs were getting uncomfortably tight, he thought to himself. The fire outside finally went out completely and the clinking of glasses and the sound of another tent zipper let you know that the last of your friends were about to hit the hay, as well,

“Do you mind if I open the zipper? Let some more air in?”

You asked and sat up already,

“No, go ahead, can’t be worse than this, anyway”

You felt around for the zipper and dragged it down until the flaps of the tent opened and a slight breeze greeted you from outside,

“Well, it’s not much but I can breathe a little better”,

You fell back into the bed roll with a sigh and Jin suddenly had an idea,

“Hey, YN”,

“Hm?”,

“How about we just go down to the lake? Put our feet in the water, cool down a little, you know?”,

“Mhmh, I guess”,

“It’s probably more effective than just opening the zipper”,

“Yeah, you’re right”

You sighed again and sat up in the tent,

“Ok then, let’s go. We gotta be quiet though, I think everyone’s sleeping already”

You said and Jin sat up, too, to crawl out of the tent and help you stand up after you crawled out, too. He grabbed your hand and slowly you navigated the dark clearing in the full moon light down to the soft grass around the lake shore until you felt the water gently lap on your feet.

Both of you sat down on the grass and let the waves envelope your feet on their way up,

“Ugh, I already feel so much better”

You relaxed and lay back on the grass, stretching your overheated and tired limbs,

“Same”

Jin stretched his legs, tapping and tickling your smaller feet with his and making you giggle,

“Jin, that tickles”

You tried to wiggle away, and escape his big gorilla feet,

“Is this an unexplored fetish of yours?”

you asked, making Jin laugh and trying to not be too loud,

“The tickling or the feet?”,

“Oh my god is it both?”,

“Are you kink-shaming me?”

“Definitely! Feet are gross”

You smiled and pushed yourself off the grass back into a sitting position,

“I don’t have a weird kink, calm down”

Jin loved riling you up, just as much as you did it to him,

“Anyway, I’m gonna go in, I think.”

He announced after he was done teasing you and slowly waded into the shallow water,

“you coming?”

You looked up at him, shaking your head,

“I don’t think so, I don’t have my bathing suit. Don’t wanna sleep in wet undies”

“Suit yourself. But don’t complain about the heat”

He simply said and turned around, walking until water reached up to his ribs.

It probably wouldn’t be so bad to get your underwear wet; in this heat they would be dry in no time anyway. But another thought crossed your mind and you contemplated just going commando. Even though yours and Jin’s relationship had never been anything more that friendly, except for a little flirting here and there, you felt like it could be more. There could be more to the flirting and the innocent hand touching. And times like these made you want to just cross the line. Despite Jin thinking he was pretty subtle about everything, you had noticed how, during the trip, he eyed you and Jimin curiously whenever you were talking. You had also noticed how he tried to put as much distance between you as possible in the tent as to not push his very obvious hard on anywhere near you. By now you just wanted to see if he would cross the line first.

Watching him, you unclipped your bra and slipped your panties down your legs, before you also let the cool waves roll against your body. He had already made his way a little farther out and you stopped where your feet could still feel the ground and the water just reached around your clavicle,

“Guess the heat finally got to you, hm?”

Jin said, as he noticed you approaching,

“Right, the heat”

You mumbled and he swam closer, back to your,

“Not worried about the clothes anymore?”

You shook your head and smiled,

“What clothes?”,

“Your under- Oh”

Jin stopped in the middle of the sentence after he had realised what you meant. His mouth fell open as his eyes took in the naked line of your shoulders, no straps in sight,

“I didn’t wanna get them wet”

You said and Jin has to swallow hard. You’re naked under the blurry sheen of the water and he doesn’t know how to handle the situation,

“Yeah, no, I get it, convenience and all that, right?”

He laughs awkwardly and tries and fails to cover up his sudden insecurity about your naked boobs just a few inches away from his face,

“Yeah, I just thought I’d let the girls breathe, you know?”

You looked down and Jin could see your hands covering your boobs right under the surface,

“Yeah, yeah, no big deal, just let the… the girls out”

He took a deep breath and tried to look anywhere but your hands encasing your tits. The trees were pretty in the dark, so out there. And their crowns looked so big and full and round in the moonlight. They were probably very soft if he were to submerge his face between them.

Yeah, trees really were something; He had always been a tree guy.

And he probably should take a step back so he wouldn’t accidentally poke you in the stomach,

“Are you ok? Am I making you uncomfortable?”

You asked, your voice sounding all soft an innocent,

“Do you want me to put it all back on?”

Jin whipped his head around at that and held his hands up,

“No! No, I mean…”

More awkward coughing,

“Don’t bother, you’re comfortable. I’m completely fine”

You giggled cutely and Jin felt his self-control pack its bags and jump out of the window,

“Are you sure? You seem kinda bothered…”

You took a step forward and Jin escaped immediately,

“I think I’m gonna go back out, it’s freezing in here, don’t you think?”

He stuttered and rushed through the water so fast that I splashed you in the face. You smiled to yourself, fully aware that Jin was definitely not unbothered by your boobs. A fact, that you would use to your advantage.

And Entertainment.

You also swam back to the shore, where Jin was already standing on the grass again, his back turned to the water. When the water wasn’t high enough to cover up your nakedness anymore you wanted to get Jin’s attention again. You slowly exited the water and walked towards Jin, who was currently picking up your underwear carefully. You noticed him stalling a moment and feeling the soft fabric of your panties between his fingers before he spoke up,

“YN, I’ll leave your stuff closer to the water, ok?”

He said, thinking you were still swimming around without a care in the world,

“No need”

You said from behind him and he jumped, dropping your things, then tripped and landed on his ass, as he tried to put some more distance between you again,

“Ah… you scared me again”

He said, sitting on the floor and covering his eyes with his fingers immediately. He was only able to see your face through the gaps between his fingers. You didn’t say anything; you just stood there for a few seconds, making Jin suffer even more,

“I uh, do you wanna go back by any chance? I’m kinda tired”

He tried to find an excuse to flee again but you weren’t having it. You knelt down and placed your self firmly in his lap, straddling him,

“I don’t wanna go back, yet”

You mumbled and gently wrapped your small fingers around the wrist of Jin’s hand, trying to get him to uncover his eyes and look at you. He resisted. Not at all cost but it was enough to give you pause and make you doubt your intentions,

“Jin, it’s ok, you can look”

You tried to soothe him a little but he didn’t relent,

“YN, please, I’m trying so hard”

He whispered, hoping you would get the message.

It wasn’t like he didn’t want to look, he definitely wanted to. He was sure, the hard dick poking you in the thighs told you so very clearly. It was just that he wasn’t sure what would happen, if he gave in. Your friendship was something he treasured and was thankful for every day, no matter how annoying you could be at times,

“Would it be so bad? We’ve been friends for so long, have you never thought about it?”

Your soft voice slowly but surely worked on dismantling his determination,

“Of course, I thought about it. Multiple times, actually. Especially this week”

Jin answered and he felt you shift slightly above him,

“So, if you thought about it, does that mean… you don’t want to?”

He thought he heard something like disappointment in your voice and he was never good at ignoring when you felt down,

“Are you kidding? You think I’d be this hard if I didn’t want to?”

He tried to lighten the mood and let his free hand move up and down your thigh,

“I’ve been wanting to do this for ever, YN, I just don’t know if this is a good idea”,

“Jin, please…”

He swallowed as he felt you move again, this time you were pushing down on him, grinding against him and he had a hard time to keep his eyes covered,

“Shit”

He cursed at the feeling of you grinding on him and you moved his hand higher from your thigh while you tried again to remove his hand from his face. He slowly let you but he kept his eyes closed,

“Jin, look at me”

You now held both of his hands in yours and you slowly moved the up your body until they cupped your breasts. You sighed and squeezed Jin’s hands around them making him moan and his head fell forward, against your shoulder,

“YN, fuck, you need to stop… I’m a weak man and your tits feel amazing”

He started squeezing on his own and slowly rubbed his thumbs on your nipples,

“Touch me, baby, please”

Your pleas were making him so weak and he knew there was no way he would stop now, that he felt your soft skin under his hands. He turned his head just a little, placing his lips against your neck and kissing you gently. He listened to your moans and let you move against him, rub yourself against his dick in his briefs and it made him so hard; shit, you just felt so good against him, warm and soft and your tits were so fucking nice he couldn’t form a coherent thought anymore. He wanted more, needed more, needed to touch more and taste more of you, so he quickly spun you around and pushed your body back into the soft grass and hovered above you,

“Kiss me”

You whine and he wants nothing more than to kiss every inch of your skin. Starting with your pretty lips; you pretty lips which were always pouting smiling, making him crazy and making him wish he knew what the felt like around his dick. He leans down and they’re so soft. So damn soft like your beautiful tits, which he went right back to squeezing and massaging, making you moan into his mouth. Then it’s wet; tongues finding each other, wet bodies grinding together and your wet pussy rubbing against him. God, you’re so wet. He even feels it through his boxer briefs. He never thought he’d be able to get you this wet. When you lift your legs and wrap them around his hips, he can’t hold back any longer,

“Shit, you feel so good, YN, so fucking soft”

He starts kissing your neck again, moving along the smooth skin down to your collarbone and then further down to suck one of your nipples into his mouth. You moaned and ran your hands through his hair, tugging slightly and running your nails along his scalp,

“Feel good, baby?”

He asked, voice rough as he switched sides,

“So good…”

You managed to answer through your bliss-clouded mind,

“Want more”

You added and weakly grabbed one of Jin’s hands to move it lower, between your legs,

“More? Want me here? Want me to touch your pussy?”

You never would have guessed Jin would be so vocal during sex, you always thought he’d be the sweet and vanilla type of guy but you weren’t about to complain when his fingers felt so good rubbing your lower lips,

“Yes, touch me, please, want you so much”

you pulled his face back down to yours to kiss him as he let his fingers slide through your wetness and moaned into the kiss at how fucking good it felt,

“Shit, you’re so wet… so fucking warm, fuck”

He started rubbing your clit lightly and you broke the kiss to bury your face in his neck and muffle your moans,

“Ah, Jin…”,

“Like this?”,

“Fuck, yes”

He made you feel so good, you wanted to do the same. You worked your hand between your bodies, too and started rubbing Jin through the fabric of his briefs. The feeling of his hard dick in your hands made you want more and you slipped your hand inside, wrapping it around him for real and gently moving it until you felt his fingers lose their rhythm on your clit and all you could hear were the pleasured moans he failed to hold in,

“Am I doing it right?”

You knew you were doing it right but you also knew Jin loved it when you acted helpless and cute. Could only apply even more in this situation,

“Yeah, you are… So right, so good, shit”

He sucked on the skin of your neck and slid his finger from your clit down and slowly, gently slipped it inside of you, moaning at the warm wet feeling that greeted him. You couldn’t find any words that would accurately express your thoughts at this moment; you could just tighten your legs around him and try not to be so loud you’d wake the others,

“You like that, hm? Feel so tight, baby, can’t wait to fuck you”

Jin moaned in your ear and you felt a heatwave run through your body,

“Jin, fuck me, plea- Ah…”

right as you begged him, he slid in a second finger,

“That what you want? Want me to fuck you?”

He pushed his fingers in deeper and you tried to not lose the rhythm you had going on with your hand around his dick,

“Mhmmh”

You couldn’t form a decent answer at this point,

“You sure, baby? I could make you come like this and then fuck you; make you come again”

He kissed you slow and deep this time, moving his fingers in tandem with his tongue. You shook your head, tightening your legs again, pushing his fingers even deeper,

“No? You want it now? Want me to fuck that tight little pussy?”

Jesus, you thought, you never knew words could turn you on so much,

“Then you’ll get it, baby”

He pulled his fingers out slowly and you watched as he stuck them in his mouth to suck them clean,

“Mhm, fuck, I’ll eat you next time, don’t even try to stop me”

You spread your legs as he sat back on his haunches and pushed his briefs down, finally. You couldn’t make out his size in the dark but you had already felt that it was a little bigger than what you were used to.

Jin gripped himself, moving his hand along his dick and sighing,

“Can’t believe this is happening…”

He said and leaning back down, hovering over your body,

“Wanted this for so long”

He continued and you let your hand travel over his naked chest as he guided his dick to slide through your wetness. You watched him shudder and a breath hitched in his throat as his dick made contact with your wet, warm centre,

“God, feels so good already, Jin, don’t tease me”

He bent down and kissed you,

“I won’t, I just…”

He hesitated for a second and took a deep breath,

“I don’t have any condoms with me, I wasn’t really planning on this to happen”

You smiled at the sudden insecurity in his voice and gently ran a hand through his dishevelled hair,

“It’s fine, I have an IUD, you don’t have to worry”,

“I can come inside you? You sure?”,

“I want you to”,

“Fuck…”

Jin went right back to kissing and sucking on your neck,

“Please, Jin, fuck me, come inside me… want you so bad”

The way you sounded so fucking whiney and sweet; he moaned into your skin and rubbed his dick along your pussy before he slowly pushed the head inside. Unprepared for the incredible feeling of your wet, tight pussy around his dick, he pushed in even more, swallowing all your moans and pleas. Never had he felt this good before, literally never. Your pussy felt so damn good around him, he wasn’t even completely sure this was real,

“Ah, Jin!”

He could tell you tried to be quiet,

“Shit, it’s so big…”,

“You ok? Want me to go slow?”

He asked for your comfort, yet he wasn’t sure he could do anything about it because his dick was definitely pushing itself deeper inside you of its own accord. He probably couldn’t stop, even if he wanted to,

“No, I’m fine, it feels amazing”

You threw your head back into the grass and Jin bent a little to suck your nipple back into his mouth, adding to your pleasure even more.

He pushed in deeper and deeper, moving his hips until they wouldn’t go any further and he was balls deep inside you. Even if you didn’t, he needed a moment to come back to reality and not finish before he had even started. You held him so tightly and he squeezed every bit of skin he could reach as your hips moved against his, stealing his breath and making him feel so fucking good,

“You feel so good, YN, so fucking good”

He closed his eyes and let himself get lost in the feeling of your body against his,

“So wet, so tight- this pussy’s made for me”

He mumbled against your skin and kissed and sucked what his lips could find. He wanted to be more in control, wanted to be more focused on your pleasure but it just felt so good. He could only hope he was making you feel as good as he possibly could,

“Jin, touch me…”

He heard you sigh and he placed one last kiss to your lips before he pushed himself up to sit back, so he could bring his fingers back to your clit,

“Like this?”

He asked as he rubbed you and immediately felt you clench around him,

“Yes, ah… like that”,

He lifted your leg onto his shoulder with his other hand, spreading you even more for him. This new angle had him hitting you deeper and Jin did his very best to hit all the right places. He already felt his end approaching and he knew he couldn’t hold it off for long,

“Jin, fuck, I’m close, don’t stop”

Your words were music to his ears. He held your leg tightly to his chest, fucking you deeper and harder, working his fingers as close to the rhythm his hips were setting as possible,

“That’s it, baby, come for me”

He ben forward slightly, wanting to be closer to you, wanting to see your face when you came,

“Come all over my dick”

His words made you feel hot all over and you felt your muscles contracting, bringing you closer to your end,

“Ahh, I’m gonna come”

Your voice was strained and you put both of your hands over your mouth, knowing this was gonna be a loud one. Jin was captivated by the pure look of pleasure on your face and devoted all of his movements to making you come, desperate to see your face and feel you clench around his dick,

“Gonna come for me? I can feel it, baby, tell me what to do”,

“Just like that, don’t stop”,

“You’re so beautiful… look so good like this; I want you so much”

He told you all the things he always wanted you to know and more until he felt your pussy tighten around him and your leg spasm in his grip while you moaned through your hands in a desperate attempt to deafen the noise as you came around him. He pushed in so deep, revelling in the feeling of your orgasm and letting his own take over.

He bent down, pushing your hands out of your face and capturing your lips in a slow, deep kiss that made your toes curl like that orgasm just did. He came so deep inside you, filling you up so good and holding you so tight and close, you never wanted him to let you go.

As your muscles relaxed and your breathing evened out again, just like Jin’s, he took your hands in his and kissed them before intertwining your fingers and pressing another long, deep kiss to your lips,

“Jeesus, Jin, I never would have thought you’d talk so dirty to me”

Was the first thing that came to your mind as he slipped out of you and lay down next to you. He let out a hearty laugh and ran a hand over his face,

“I don’t know what came over me”

He said and you smiled,

“I just bring out the best in you, don’t I?”

He squeezed your hand lovingly,

“My best is definitely in you, yes”

He snickered and you slapped his shoulder,

“You’re so nasty, Jin!”

You both giggled as suddenly a loud voice rang through your post-orgasmic bliss,

“You’re both nasty! Fucking like horny teenagers while all your friends are trying to sleep? What are you, 16? Get a damn room next time, fuck!”

Both of you recognized Yoongi’s voice. You probably woke him up or kept him from sleeping,

“Whoops…”

You said, hiding your face in Jin’s neck,

“You should be happy it’s only happened now! Otherwise you wouldn’t have gotten any sleep at all!”

Jin yelled back and you laughed even harder.

He had exactly zero shame and that was probably why you worked so well together. And you continued to work well together two more times that  night. And then you continued to work even better together for a lot more years to come.

Submitted by @befriendswithj​

[ghost-in-the-hella]

19 with Victoria Chase and Chloe?

For whatever reason, I can’t seem to keep chaseprice stories short! Sorry this took so long, but I hope it’s worth it. I also immediately thought chaseprice when I saw that prompt (“According to this survey, most people agree you are, in fact, a gigantic asshole.”), so thanks for being on the same page with me there :) Unbeta’d and virtually unrevised despite how long it took me to write it, so please take it with a grain of salt.

Content warnings for misogynistic insults, underage drinking and drug use, and implied attempted sexual assault. Because teens in Arcadia Bay are awful to each other.

---

Chloe hasn’t seen Rachel since the first hour of the party. She stopped even getting texts from her about twenty minutes ago. She can already feel the familiar shapes of the argument they’re going to have tomorrow morning. Chloe will accuse Rachel of ditching her and ignoring her texts. Depending on how pissed she is, she might trot out the old dead horse about being abandoned by Max and flog that for a bit while Rachel fails to keep from rolling her eyes. Then Rachel will remind her about their agreement, that they’re both free agents and maybe if Chloe acted more like a free agent and less like a cuckolded wife she wouldn’t be so pissy all the time.

It’ll go back and forth for hours with Chloe whining about her abandonment issues and Rachel claiming that Chloe’s suffocating her, and at the end of it nothing will have changed. They’ll kiss and make up like they always do, but as soon as the next Vortex Club event comes around Rachel will insist on dragging Chloe and then she’ll ditch her in a crowd of people she hates and the whole cycle will start over again.

The whole thing is fucking exhausting, and Chloe’s sick of it. 

Not as sick as Victoria Chase is, though; damn. It’s a hell of a sight: the Queen Bitch of Blackwell teetering drunkenly on ill-advised high heels - possibly only still on her feet because of the bodies of people dancing around her - and looking like she’s contemplating puking in her purse. She looks awful. 

It would be more amusing if Rachel were there to make fun of her with Chloe. It would also be more amusing if it weren’t so painfully pathetic. Chloe’s way too sober to enjoy the sordid spectacle. Being the designated driver sucks ass, especially when the literal whole point of these parties is to get wasted. 

Chloe almost jumps out of her skin when her phone suddenly - finally - buzzes in her pocket.

Rachel: U still at the party?

Chloe scowls at her phone.

Chloe: of fucking course i am

Chloe: where else would i be??

Chloe: im ur fucking dd

Rachel: o right! Srry I already caught a ride

“Are you fucking kidding me!?”

Rachel: c u 2morro tho

Rachel: 2 whales date? Not 2 early tho

Rachel: this hangover’s gona be a biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitch

Rachel: luv u <3 <3 <3 xoxoxo

Rachel: xxx 

Rachel: ;P

Chloe buries her phone in her pocket, fuming. She can actually feel the anger rising off of her skin like steam. Obviously there’s no reason for her to continue being a designated driver if Rachel’s already fucked off with whatever Blackwell jock or cheerleader she’s decided to rail tonight. Chloe’s free to crash on the couch tonight with the rest of the drunk losers. Pass out in the bathtub maybe. There’s tons of booze in the kitchen; she should start there. Stoners are usually in the basement; they shouldn’t be hard to sniff out. Maybe if she’s lucky she’ll find the folks who’re always doing coke in some random bedroom or office and score a noseful. It’s not like she’s got classes in the morning. She can afford to live a little, as long as she’s not actually paying for it.

Chloe starts to push her way through the crowd to the kitchen.

“Watschh where yrr fffuckin goin…” slurs a messy but recognizable voice as a hand grips Chloe’s upper arm.

Jesus Christ, Victoria’s even more wasted than Chloe thought at first glance. Her hand on Chloe’s arm might be the only thing keeping her upright at the moment, which is the only reason why Chloe doesn’t immediately tear herself away. 

“Careful, Vicky; poverty might be contagious.” Chloe attempts to pry Victoria’s fingers from around her arm to no avail.

The idiot jock standing behind Victoria laughs at that, but Victoria just looks confused. And drunk. So very, very drunk.

“Ffffug you, Chhhloe,” Victoria slurs out.

Chloe raises an eyebrow. “Wow, you must be shitfaced. That was practically my real name!” She carefully shoves Victoria back off of her arm as the jock moves to steady Victoria by holding onto her waist.

“C’mon, babe,” he says, leaning close to her ear. He grins at Chloe and winks like he thinks she’s in on some kind of conspiracy with him, which immediately pisses Chloe off. “I’ve got it from here,” he informs her.

Victoria groans something inarticulate and tries to push the jock away, but she ends up just stumbling back into his stupidly broad chest. She really shouldn’t get so drunk and wear such high heels at the same time; clearly, it’s a dangerous combination.

“Dude, I don’t think she wants to go with you,” Chloe says as calmly as she can. She really doesn’t want to get involved. She wants to get drunk and stoned and so blitzed out of her mind that she forgets all about being pissed at Rachel. She doesn’t want to get sucked into whatever drama Victoria’s got brewing tonight. But she also really doesn’t want to watch a drunk girl get mauled by some entitled meathead, even if said drunk girl is a royal pain in her ass. 

“Nah, she’s good. Just needs some fresh air. C’mon, Tori, let’s go for a walk.”

“Don’ ffffuggin call me Tori,” Victoria growls, tugging her arm out of his too-firm grip and nearly falling right off her ridiculous and undoubtedly overpriced heels. “Iss Victoria.”

The creep ignores her and tugs on her arm again, toppling her into his body once more. “It’s cool,” he attempts to assure Chloe. “We’re friends. I’ll get her home safe.”

“She definitely doesn’t want to go with you. Let her go.”

“Dude, be cool! She’s just being a bitch. You know what Tori’s like.” He holds Victoria’s wrists to curtail her squirming.

“Fuggoff!”

Chloe cracks her knuckles loudly enough to get the jock’s attention. “I’ve got better things to do with my left hand tonight than break it on your nose, but if you don’t unhand her in the next five seconds I’ll do it anyway.”

That gives the jock pause, but he doesn’t look like he quite believes her. “You wouldn’t.”

Chloe shrugs. “If you don’t believe me, why don’t you ask Logan why his nose slants to the right? Although he’ll probably lie. Ask his ex-girlfriend; she’ll tell you the truth.”

---

As Chloe guides a stumbling and incessantly bitching Victoria through the dark toward her truck, she silently curses every decision in her life that led her to this moment. It’s actually not that different from drunk-walking Rachel home after a party, except that when Victoria keeps touching her boob it’s probably accidental. Probably.

“Where’ss Nathan?” Victoria whines, head lolling onto Chloe’s shoulder and smearing a healthy quantity of expensive makeup into her favorite Firewalk shirt. Which is fine. Not like Chloe can’t just steal another one next time they have a 2010 tour. Time travel’s a thing, right?

“I have no idea where Prescock is. Surprised he’s not doing shots out of your cleavage.”

Victoria’s trying to text, but she keeps almost dropping her phone. “Where are theese bisches?” Victoria grumbles as her manicured fingers jab and swipe at the screen of her phone with the dexterity of a toddler with two handfuls of butter. “Sposdt to be my frens…” 

Victoria’s entire focus is on her phone when it should really be on walking. Chloe tugs her upright and tries to steer her for the umpteenth time. “Can it wait til we’re in the truck at least?”

Victoria grinds to a halt and finally tears her eyes from her phone. “M’not gedding into that… that…” Victoria flails at Chloe’s truck and nearly falls over. “Deathtrap.”

“You had to get a tetanus shot to live in the dorms, right? You’ll be fine.” Chloe grips Victoria’s elbow with one hand to keep her upright and wrangles the passenger door open with the other. “Go on, get in.”

Victoria glares at Chloe foggily. “Are you khhidnappng me, Price?”

“...That’s a joke, right?”

Victoria whacks Chloe solidly in the sternum with her phone. “B’cause I’ll haf you know, my frens will put your assss in jail like that.” Victoria tries and fails to snap her fingers, then stares at them as if she cannot comprehend why they are not obeying her.

Chloe rubs at her sore sternum in annoyance. “Yeah, well, maybe your ‘frens’ should be the ones getting your drunk ass safely back to the dorms instead of abandoning you and letting random creepers paw at you. Then maybe I could get my drunk on in peace instead of wasting my weekend cleaning your puke out of my truck.”

Chloe’s expecting some pushback. Victoria hasn’t even touched her truck, much less puked in it. What she isn’t expecting is for Victoria to shove her phone in Chloe’s face. “You texx thm.” Victoria reaches for the door handle, yanks the door open, and unsteadily clambers into Chloe’s truck.

“Ow, what the fuck! You want me to text your friends?”

“Tell’m yer kidnappin me.”

“Uh, okay, no, I’m not doing that. But I can text your friends if there’s someone you’d rather get a ride with.”

Chloe carefully shuts Victoria’s door and walks around her truck to the driver’s side, thumbing through Victoria’s message history. She tries Nathan first, even though she can see that Victoria’s last ten messages to him have gone unanswered.

Victoria: hey victoria needs a safe ride back to the dorms. can you come get her?

Nathan: whothFUCKisthis

Victoria: a good samaritan. seriously tho your friend is halfway to passed out, can you help?

Nathan: fuckoffBITCH

Victoria: god why does victoria even like you?

She tries Courtney next.

Victoria: hey victoria needs a safe ride back to the dorms. can you come get her?

Courtney: I don’t know, can Victoria not call my boyfriend a MAN WHORE?

“We’re 0 for 2, Victoria. What’s the name of that blonde girl you’re always hanging around with?”

“Sweetie…”

“Um, what?”

“Goddddd you’re fuckn incomph-- incump-- incompetant. Sweet. T.”

“I have no idea what you’re-- Oh.” Jesus, the girl is literally in Victoria’s phone as Sweet-T. Gaaaaaaayyyy. 

Victoria: hey victoria needs a safe ride back to the dorms. can you come get her?

Sweet-T: Victoria? Victoria Chase?

Sweet-T: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

Sweet-T: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Sweet-T: Tell that bitch good luck. 

Sweet-T: Actually wait don’t.

Sweet-T: Tell her to choke.

Sweet-T: Btw Taylor lost her phone.

“Uhh, looks like ‘Sweet-T’ lost her phone. And it’s fallen into the hands of someone who completely hates your pretentious ass; no big surprise there.”

Chloe starts texting Victoria’s contacts at random as Victoria sulks. Most people don’t even respond. The responses she does get are… not encouraging.

Zach: sup biiiiiiiiiiitttcccccccchhhhhh yeah i’ll give vicky a ride ON MY DICK

Hayden: new fone who dis

Brooke: Who is this and how did you get my number? Don’t ever text me again.

Dana: I gott a ride w Jules srry

Juliet: Already back at the dorms. Good luck I guess. 

Logan: fukk that bisch wut

“Well, Victoria, looks like none of your friends are coming to help. So you can either let me give you a ride back to campus, or you can pass out on a couch inside and hope for the best.”

“What th hell djou say to them??”

“Just that you needed a safe ride to the dorms. That’s all.”

“Bullsshhhitt. You pissed them off.”

Chloe laughs out loud at that. “I pissed them off?? You pissed them off by being a gigantic asshole!”

“M’ noddan asshole.”

“Oh, no? Well…” Chloe holds up Victoria’s phone and waves it in front of her face. “According to this survey, most people agree you are, in fact, a gigantic asshole.”

Which is how Chloe ends up comforting a sobbing Victoria Chase in a stranger’s driveway and wishing she’d never been born.

---

Chloe: dude. Srsly. Fuck u for abandoning me at that fucking vc party.

Rachel: chloe?

Rachel: wat timesit?

Rachel: w happnd?

Chloe: its 3am

Chloe: and victoria FUCKING chase is passed out on me

Rachel: ur joking

Rachel: omg

Rachel: pls take a pic

Chloe: this isnt funny rach

Rachel: it’s fucking hilarious!

Chloe: its SAD.

Rachel: Wait so

Rachel: did you fuck her?

Chloe: WHAT????

Chloe: NO!!!!!

Rachel: Oh good bc I don’t think there’s enough bleach in the world to clean your soul after fucking victoria chase

Chloe: she’s drunk AF

Chloe: her friends ditched her 

Chloe: and i kinda called her an asshole

Chloe: so she cried on my shoulder until she passed out

Chloe: and now i’m trapped

Rachel: Poor baby.

Rachel: Chew your arm off?

Chloe: not funny.

Rachel: Again, totally funny.

Chloe: Srsly tho, what should i do???

Rachel: idk

Rachel: sneak out?

Chloe: we’re in my truck

Rachel: hahahahahahahaha

Rachel: of course you are

Rachel: so wake her bitch ass up!

---

Victoria Chase snores. Nothing in the world could have prepared Chloe for that knowledge. She also drools, which is unfortunate for the state of Chloe’s jacket. Not that it’s the cleanest thing in the world anyway, but still. It’s the principle of the thing.

Victoria’s normally immaculate hair is in a state of total chaotic disarray. At least half of her makeup is gone, and what remains is smeared artlessly all over her face. She smells like a brewery. Chloe’s arm has fallen asleep under the weight of her head. Chloe envies it. The sweet release of sleep would be infinitely preferable to the intense awkwardness of being conscious right now.

The moonlight paints Victoria’s face in delicate shades of pale, highlighting the refined angles of her cheekbone, her jawline, her nose. She’s snoring and drooling and messy and the most utterly awful person; it shouldn’t be possible for her to be beautiful in this moment.

And yet. And yet.

Chloe should shove her awake. She should push Victoria off her shoulder, buckle up both of their seatbelts, and deposit her safely back at the dorms (because even though Victoria’s an objectively horrible person, that doesn’t mean that Chloe is). Chloe should abandon ship, let Victoria sleep it off in the front of her truck while Chloe returns to the party and drinks until she can’t remember what Victoria looks like in the moonlight. Maybe if she drinks enough, by the time she’s sober enough to drive Victoria will have sobered up and found her own way home.

Victoria makes a sleepy sort of grumbling sound and shifts against Chloe’s shoulder, draping an arm over Chloe’s middle and snuggling close. Her hair tickles Chloe’s neck and jaw as it sticks out at peculiar angles, and Chloe wants to laugh or possibly die. There’s really nowhere else for Chloe’s arm to go, so it ends up wrapped around Victoria. Victoria lets out a sound that’s disturbingly close to a contented sigh.

“Hey... Vic?”

“Mphgmhm?”

“Um… Are you aware that you’re cuddling me like I’m your long-lost childhood teddy bear?”

“Grhmphgm.”

“Uh. ‘Kay. Long as you know.”

“Mphkm.” Victoria nuzzles into Chloe’s shoulder, squeezing her tighter. Chloe awkwardly pats her side and Victoria sighs again.

“Hey, uh… I’m sorry about what I said before. I mean, not about you being an asshole, ‘cause I’m not gonna lie. But about your friends. I’m… sure your friends do like you, really.”

Victoria shrugs a little, frowning delicately. “Dsnmttr. Sleeb.”

Sleep. Okay. That’s theoretically possible. Chloe’s slept in more uncomfortable positions in this very truck, after all. So she closes her eyes and rests her head against the back of her seat, and she listens to the steady rhythm of Victoria’s breathing until the world begins to fade into a comforting void.

Shit’s going to be awkward in the morning. But, well. That can wait until the morning.

[dr-m-r-ma]

Our Secret

Part III: Memories

Genre: drama, romance Rating: PG-13 Group: Monsta X

Summary & Disclaimer here

Light beams flashed, crowds screamed, and the KARD members danced powerfully to their music. It wasn’t often that Soo-ah went to concerts, and K-pop concerts always blew her mind. There was so much going on, like introductions, singing their own songs, singing covers, having dance breaks, etc. She loudly cheered for the four members, proud to know them personally.

As the lights went dark and the music changed, Soo-ah held her breath. Maybe she could handle it. Maybe she could stay.

But as soon as their hit song Dramarama started to play, fans started chanting the names of each member. And she could not stay a single moment to hear the rest. She turned to Moo-hyuk and yelled in his ear, “바람좀 쐬고… 콘서트가 거의 다 끝나가면 올게.” (Translation: “I’m going to get some fresh air… and I’ll come back when the concert is almost over.”)

Moo-hyuk looked over at her with worry, but she waved him off before hopping over others to get out. As soon as she closed the doors to the concert, she breathed a sigh of relief. It was as if a weight was lifted off her shoulders and the pit in her stomach magically dispersed into nothing.

She walked around the hallways of the venue for a while, mindlessly walking but also trying to block out the faint sounds coming from the concert hall. She hadn’t kept track of how much time had passed, but when she heard the crowds chanting, she could tell they were chanting for an encore song and that the concert was nearing the end. As Soo-ah made her way slowly back to the concert hall, she found herself walking into Esther and Oli, who had just come out of the  bathroom. Shit.

Spinning on her heels fast, Soo-ah tried to turn away from the two and walk away, but a small pair of hands latched onto her arm.

“Oli!! Don’t.” Esther pulled her daughter back. When Soo-ah started to walk away again, Esther asked, “Are you just going to keep pretending you’re not the one who scarred my brother’s career a couple of years ago?”

What--! Scarred? Pretending? Her choice of words ignited a fire in Soo-ah, and she turned back around to face them. Ignoring Esther’s question, she walked up to Oli, who looked up brightly at her. Leaning down, Soo-ah tucked a strand of hair behind Oli’s ear and asked, “Oli, do you remember what 언니 (I) said at that time?”

Oli nodded, “Honey 삼촌 (Uncle Honey) made--”

“Do you remember 언니 (I) said it’s our little secret?” She cut Oli off abruptly. “That a princess must know how to keep secrets to become queen? 언니 (I) hopes you are a good princess who can continue keeping the secret.” Soo-ah smiled softly to Oli, patting her cheek, as the young girl saluted to her.

Esther pulled her daughter away roughly and stood in front. With a confused expression, she asked, “What secret are you talking about? What did you tell Oli?!”

Rolling her eyes at Esther, Soo-ah ignored her question once again. Instead, she turned around again, all the while telling Esther, “As a mother of a daughter, I assure you, you will be disappointed in your brother if the same happened to Oli.”

“... Then tell me honestly: did you or did you not purposely approach Jooheon with impure intentions?” Esther asked hesitantly.

“Who will believe me even if I say I did not?”

With that, she swung open the door to the concert hall.

When she got back to her seat, she texted Moo-hyuk that she wanted to leave as soon as the concert was over. Even though he was right next to her, and even though he looked over at her worriedly, it took everything in her to not break down.

“Hey! 같이 저녁 먹자! 몬스타엑스 선배님들이랑 같이 먹기로 했어.” (Translation: “Let’s eat dinner together! It’s been decided we’ll have dinner with Monsta X[-sunbaenims].”) BM said, as he swung an arm around Moo-hyuk.

Alarmed by the offer, Soo-ah glanced at Moo-hyuk, who understood her worry. He smiled politely at BM and replied, “Sorry, 우린 이제 집에 가려고…” (Translation: “we’re just going to head home…”)

BM frowned. “그냥 저녁 먹는것도 안 돼?” (Translation: “You can’t even stay for dinner?”) He peeked at Soo-ah, with skeptical eyes, almost as if she was leashing Moo-hyuk from having dinner with him.

Without a moment to retort, Wonho clapped BM’s back. “안 와? 빨리 가자!” (Translation: “You not coming? Let’s hurry up and go!”) The two muscular guys stared at Moo-hyuk and Soo-ah with anticipation.

“아… 네… 그럼 저녁만 같이…” (Translation: “Oh… okay, then just dinner…”)

Soo-ah face palmed at Moo-hyuk’s response. She knew it was hard for him to refuse, and even more when he was being pressured by two big guys, but she had hoped he was strong at least for her. Shaking her head, she gave up as Moo-hyuk smiled awkwardly, throwing her a half-apologetic look.

As they made their way to KARD’s van, Soo-ah trudged at the back. Her feet wanted to take her elsewhere, if it weren’t for Moo-hyuk. Her mind wanted to run far away, and her heart wanted to be lulled to sleep.

“저기…” (Translation: “Hey…”)

The raspy low voice shook Soo-ah from her daze. She halted in her tracks and slowly turned to face the owner of the voice -- 아… 왜 너냐. (Translation: Ah… why is it you.)

Quickly, she hardened her gaze, as her eyes met Jooheon’s. He blinked quickly, and his hands were hidden in his sleeves, intertwined with each other to hide the possible shaking. He almost looked like an anxious gerbil, if it weren’t for his height that threw off the small animal vibes. She responded with silence, and she knew it made him more nervous.

Jooheon stammered, “ㅇ-어… 그게… 우-우리 아는 사..이죠?” (Translation: “U-uh… that… w-we know… each other, r-right?”)

“... 아니요.” (Translation: “...No.”) With the coldest voice she could use, Soo-ah lied. When she saw his mouth open for another question, she walked off coolly to the van, without so much a glance back to Jooheon.

“What’s wrong?”

Esther stared out her window while Jooheon drove to the dinner location. She glanced at the side-view mirror and saw Oli playing with her toys in the back seat. As she continued to stare out the window, she asked, “Do you remember what happened… that time, 2 years ago?”

“...” A silence settled between the two, before Jooheon quietly said, “Not really… but I don’t think I was forced like people said… but Starship didn’t let me say anything. About it.”

Just like she figured, but Esther pressed further. “So you don’t remember any details?”

“...내가 먼저 접근했다고 그러면 화낼거야?” (Translation: “... are you going to be mad if I say I approached [her] first?”) Jooheon quietly asked.

Eyes wide, Esther quickly turned to face him. “WHAT?! SHUT UP.” Her sudden loud voice startled all of them, including Oli, who looked at them curiously. Esther smiled at Oli before changing her expression to a glare towards Jooheon.

Jooheon grimaced as he slowly said, “I… 얼굴은 잘... 기억이 안 나… 기억 이 날 것 같을때… it’s fuzzy, you know?” (Translation: “I… I can’t remember her face… every time I think I’m going to remember… it’s fuzzy, you know?”)

“NO, I don’t know.” Esther snapped. When she saw his imaginary tail and ears droop, she sighed. “얼마나 취한거야…” (Translation: “How drunk were you…”)

“Uh…” Jooheon squinted at the traffic light in front of him. Esther gave him a side glance, knowing he was trying to avoid continuing the conversation. Quickly giving up on him, she turned around and shook Oli gently.

“Oli… won’t you tell Mommy the secret? What secret did that girl tell you?” Esther asked. But to no avail, as the young girl covered her mouth with her hands and shook her head.

Jooheon watched the interaction from the rearview mirror, as he waited for the light to turn green. Glancing at Esther, he asked, “What secret?”

“Um… well…” She began to tell Jooheon the conversation she had with Soo-ah, and what Soo-ah told Oli during the concert. As she told him Soo-ah’s last words to her, he frowned. It was an unreadable frown to Esther, but it didn’t go unnoticed by Oli as she observed Jooheon’s expression.

“제발 도망가지마. 용기가 많이 필요했고, 도망가서 모르는 척 하면 되게 힘들고 아플것 같아…” (Translation: “Please don’t run away. It took me a lot of courage, and it would be really painful if you run away and pretend like [this] never happened…”) Jooheon whispered, as he held onto her gaze with soft eyes.

*Sigh*

Soo-ah glared at Moo-hyuk, who turned away from her burning gaze so obviously. He pretended to listen attentively to I.M., who sat next to him, while Wonho and BM sought for Moo-hyuk’s attention across the table.

Dinner didn’t end with a farewell and a ride back home -- it led to a private bar for drinks with just the Monsta X members, KARD members and a select few managers from both agencies. Esther and Oli retired for the night to their hotel, and when Soo-ah tried to sneak out as well, Somin and Jiwoo asked her to stay to chat through the night with them. Not to mention, Hyun texted her that he’d beat her ass if she left Moo-hyuk drunk with BM.

She mentally cursed her best friend, since the only way Hyun would have found out was if Moo-hyuk reported to his own boyfriend that he would be late in coming home. And despite maneuvering her way to the girls of KARD, somehow she was plopped in between the wall and Wonho, at the end of the table. Sitting across from her was her worst nightmare, of course. Classic.

“내일 거기 갈까 -- 저번에 좋아했던 카페있었잖아.” (Translation: “Should we go there tomorrow? You know that cafe you liked last time.”) Moo-hyuk swooped in, attempting to save Soo-ah from the situation he created. He sat next to Jooheon, but basically treated him like air, which went unnoticed by everyone except the people involved.

Soo-ah deadpanned and replied monotonously. “그래, 그러자.” (Translation: “Yeah, let’s do that.”) She continued to look at Moo-hyuk, despite feeling the heated gaze from Jooheon. Signalling help through her eyes, she begged Moo-hyuk to continue talking. And yet… some omniscient being was out to get her and do everything opposite from what she wanted.

“아, 아까 말 하려다 못 했잖아요 -- 그래서, 요즘 어떤 운동하세요?” (Translation: “Oh yeah, you were going to say earlier but got interrupted -- so what kind of workout do you do these days?”) Wonho turned to Moo-hyuk, with eyes shining bright.

As soon as Moo-hyuk’s eyes left Soo-ah’s to face Wonho as well as a very excited BM, Soo-ah cursed him once more. He was distracted, and there was no way of inserting herself into a bro conversation about specific muscles and workout routines. Dropping her gaze down to the tabletop, she quietly sipped her water.

“다른 음료수 시킬까요?” (Translation: “Do you want me to order any other drinks?”)

Her eyes hardened at his voice -- the same velvet voice that whisked her away two years ago. She coldly replied, “괜찮아요.” (Translation: “I’m fine.”)

“...”

Silence sat uncomfortable between the two, as Jooheon continued to watch her, as if to catch a moment where her expression may change. But when Soo-ah insisted on her cold demeanor, he lowered his gaze to his beer glass before whispering, “미안해…” (Translation: “I’m sorry…”)

.

.

*** To be continued in Part IV: Traces of You ***

A/N: I said smol hiatus until end of October, but it was really just for me to buy time to write more (lol) but also I wanted to get back into drawing but work has been so tiring that I’d rather write on my laptop than getting our my tablet and hooking it up to draw (ㅠㅠ)  

[riseofmoonxchild]

b i t t e r ⬴ ʇ ǝ ǝ ʍ s // chapter one

➴pairing – jimin x reader – taehyung x reader – [ft. namjoon]

➴genre – fluff // angst

➴theme – college!au // jimin!barista // taehyung!artist

You developed a little crush on the barista at your local coffee shop, Jimin. While you start going to the cafe regularly, thinking it as harmless and innocent, you don’t realize that your interest in him will catch the attention of Taehyung, the most-liked boy in school. As the two of them stir up an almost espresso-and-milk-kind-of element to your school life and study load, you find yourself involved in a more complicated situation than you were prepared for.

»listen to the bittersweet playlist titled “coffee shop boy” here

« m u s e »

✰

f a l l

The first time you met Jimin, he was antagonizing over making your coffee perfect. And by met, you meant it was the first time you had ever laid eyes on him. You could tell that this wasn’t special treatment for you—because he was so nervous, so confused, and so focused on the process of actual coffee-assembling, because he cared about the smallest details—you could tell that he wanted it to be the best that anyone could make it. It went beyond trying to seek recognition from the customers or his boss; nevertheless, it was cute. And even if his genuine efforts weren’t meant to flatter you, they made you feel warm and even flustered.

So many college students had come for a coffee break at this time, which was probably overwhelming. It was the height of midterms, and this coffee shop was a popular spot for students to hit because it was right across from the main campus location in Seoul.

“What can I do for you today?”

“Hi-” you paused, taking a moment to mull over your thoughts, “I’d just like a caramel macchiato, please.”

The whole time he was taking your order, he had never made eye contact with you. He was quietly focused on the machine in front of him.

“What size?”

“Just a medium.”

“Alright, that’ll be $4.32,” he reported, looking up. Jimin smiled slightly, as of he were ready to take on his next challenge. “It’ll have that ready for you in no time!” He vowed.

You watched him make your order with a small yet enthusiastic determination.

And finally, as he reached to hand you your coffee, as soon as he saw your hand grabbed a hold of it, his eyes flicked to your yours. He smiled shyly at you and giggled a little, almost nervously. And a heartbeat later, before you could even process your own reaction, he was helping the next customer.

✰

w i n t e r

You were determined to finish your final paper for your English class. Paragraph by paragraph, you sipped on the coffee, savoring hints of cinnamon and caramel as you persevered. You couldn’t help but glance outside every ten minutes, watching the snow gently blanket the outside world. Part of you wanted to venture out there, but the warmth of the coffee brought you back in every time, keeping you cozy and focused. Relatively focused, that was—inevitably it brought you back to the barista boy, and by that time your whole face became warm.  

It had been two months, since you started coming in around four or five times a week, getting your fix of caffeine and something else you didn’t want to admit to yourself. But, inevitably, you discovered what days and times the barista boy worked, just by observation, and that he also had a name other than “barista boy”—Jimin.

When you finished your paper, you were relieved to have officially completed your second fall semester. You stretched, prepared yourself for a final chance of relaxation, and messaged your friend in hopes of celebrating somehow. You wanted some way to relieve all the stress that had piled up to this point.

“Hey, Joon,” you texted, “Do you want to go to Club Avenue tonight?”

You suddenly were reminded of the past semester and the drama that had consumed most it. Despite relentless, pointless efforts, it seemed everything that could have fallen apart inside your own little world did—friends, grades, reputation, your planned future. And with that you had picked up some habits, like drinking and clubbing, especially on week nights, skipping classes. This cafe had, unexpectedly, become your safe haven.

While you had commended yourself for pulling yourself together half way through this semester, and finishing the best you could, you couldn’t help but want to let everything go.

Namjoon, your best friend, your partner in crime, the one who stuck with you through all the fires, seeing you get hurt and sticking around to deal with the burns. You literally couldn’t go on any adventures without him or make any big decisions without his advice. He had been the only constant, and he was the only person you really had as a support now.

“Sure. I’m finishing my assignments but they’ll be done before tonight.”

“Mmk ♥♥.” You knew that Joon didn’t personally like your idea of fun, because he rather be doing other things, but he was always along for the ride. “Good luck!”

“Let’s have a good time tonight. We deserve it ;)”

⋆ ⋆ ⋆

From the way he pulled on Jimin’s sleeve, he could have been easily mistaken as a child. “Ahhh, wae, Jimin-ah. I need you,” he whined.

The whole time the boy begged, Jimin tried to remain as indifferent as possible. However, seconds later a smile flashed on his face, promising the other boy a chance at triumph.

“Yah, Taehyung-ah,” he started in a parent-like tone. “Do you not have any assignments left? Didn’t you have a big art project due?”

Taehyung pouted, his face dropping in disappointment.

Pleased with his ability to stay firm, Jimin folded his arms and raised his chin just the slightest bit. “We can’t play until we’ve finished our work—like the responsible haksaeng, students, we are.”

Exasperated, Taehyung asked the air more than anything, “Ah, wae..”

“Fine,” he perked up, heavily invested in this more-of-a-business-like proposal than anything, “I finish my portfolio by tonight, and you-” he pointed at Jimin’s chest, “have to grace me with your presence.” His charming, yet childishly and genuinely satisfied smile made an appearance to conclude the agreement.

Jimin smiled and looked up, amused and please all at the same time. He immediately switched back to his previous persona, face sullen. He raised his right eyebrow, as if considering the options, and gave one confirming nod. “Alright,” he extended his hand for a handshake.

Taehyung accepted the gesture, a goofy grin on his face. “Waaaaaa, Jimin-ssi. It was a pleasure working with you.”

The two laughed, and Taehyung confidently announced, “I’ll pick you up at 10,” winked, and then sauntered off. Jimin just shook his head and went back to work.

⋆ ⋆ ⋆

The snow had stopped, and so Taehyung sat on a city street bench, across from the coffee shop, trying to work at a masterpiece in his mind. He had his sketchbook on his lap and was pensively observing his surroundings. While it may have seemed like he was procrastinating this whole time, he really just hadn’t been able to muster up the concentration or inspiration necessary to enter into a creative mood, let alone the mental state he needed to be in for this project. Taehyung sighed.

I want you to use something from the ordinary everyday, something people wouldn’t think twice about. But I want you to convey it from the onlookers’ point of view, as precious or extraordinary from their eyes. That was the professor had demanded. But Taehyung had never really thought about things, things that weren’t so attractive or alluring, that they didn’t demand the attention of every person who laid eyes on them. He liked things like that. People that were so spectacular, their essence flowed, oozed off of them, making them irresistible.

It wasn’t that he pursued outwardly gorgeous people, or that he had shallow intentions, per say. He just enjoyed beautiful things and beautiful people. He saw people as art, and art came to life in his every day. He was always trying to find his muse in one thing or another.

One might even argue he was one of those beautiful people, one of the most exquisite pieces of living art. He never really thought about the people in the background, so indistinguishable they were barely silhouettes on a page. In life, from middle school—elementary even—into college he had been the feature highlight, the centerpiece, almost. Wherever he went, people just gravitated towards him. It was all he had known. And he didn’t really seem to mind.

Frustrated with the assignment, he dramatically sighed to the paper, fiddling with his pencil before he looked up for what felt like the thousandth time. But then he saw her. He saw you. With your brows furrowed in concentration, sending waves of intense synergetic energy with your glare towards the computer screen. Taehyung laughed in amusement, that same goofy grin tugging at the corners of his mouth. But then, what he thought was an indestructible focus was suddenly broken, as he saw you sneak an almost nonexistent glance towards the barista boy. And his eyebrows raised in partial-curiosity, partial-surprise.

Taehyung, a contemplative look resting on his face, came to a sudden realization. And then, with this newfound sense of purpose, he began sketching.

☾——————————————————————————————————☽

A/N: wow i’ve been meaning to post this, cause i’ve been excited about this♥ not exactly sure where this story headed, as far as character development, but i’m looking forward to what avenues i may end up exploring (hopefully with constant fluff included). plus, it’s kinda become my baby, haha.

☽

→ preview // chapter one // next

→ "coffee shop boy” playlist

⋆

taglist: @monvieesdaebak

[phanlight]

The Boy on the Blue Moon Dreams of Sun

prompt: dan is a theatre kid who hasn't had his first kiss but has to kiss someone for a show. he doesn't want his first kiss to be wasted so he tries to get it done properly beforehand & he meets phil and w/e you can take it from there!!!

““Tell you what,” Phil leans into him, and Dan can smell his cologne. “We’re gonna come back up here again, okay? And you’re gonna tell me about yourself. Properly, this time.

Dan frowns. “Isn’t that what we’ve spent the past ten minutes doing?”

“Yeah,” Phil says. “The only difference being next time we do this, I’m going to ban you from saying the word ‘acting’. So I can hear about you, the real you, and not whoever you pretend to be for a living.”

-

GUESS WHICH BITCH IS BACK AND WRITING AGAIN (spoiler: IT ME)

I thought it was about time I branched out a bit and tried my hand at a theatre au. This was so much fun to write (albeit kinda hard as despite being a literature student my Romeo and Juliet knowledge is a little subpar lmao lets hope I at least sort of did it justice tho) and deffo has more than ur daily dosage of angsty teenage actor!dan so look forward to that. thank u to the lovely anon who prompted me with this! (also yes i’m still relying on ptv lyrics for my song titles after 3 years sh)

Also I’m sorry if the writing in this is a lil inconsistent. I started this fic literally over a year ago and abandoned it for ages before finding and continuing it again. The first half was written in literally like mid 2016 (from which point my writing has obv improved a lot) and since then I’ve been working on it sporadically so if it feels like halfway through my writing style suddenly changes then that’s why OOPS soz

This was not supposed to be this long im so sorry wtf 13k ??? fuks sake

It’s the first time Dan’s ever been pissed off with being cast a lead role in a play.

He usually loves it – he loves the attention, loves having a ripped up script full of highlighted lines and more soliloquies to memorise than he can even keep count of. He shines under the warmth of the spotlight, lapping up the attention like a hungry cat, and when the applause ripples throughout the audience at the end, he can’t get enough of the sound.

It’s just- well, there’s one problem with his part.

It’s nothing he has against Romeo, not necessarily, and the piece itself is okay – Dan’s copy of the popular play in question is already crumpled with annotations; small post-it notes spilling fluorescent colours out of every crease (studying English literature alongside Drama always comes in handy as far as Shakespeare is concerned) and Romeo has a decent amount to say.

The problem is, he’s going to have to kiss someone.

Dan Howell, the one who snaps up almost every single role he auditions for, the one with a clay personality that can be moulded perfectly into whatever role he’s going for next, the one who lives the stage and breathes the lights, who was once described as ‘the heart and soul’ of the local theatre, is going to have to kiss someone.

And believe it or not, Dan Howell, the same seventeen-year-old who breezes through auditions leaving a flutter of girls at his feet, the same guy who was once rumoured to have made out with three people at the Les Miserables afterparty and the same guy who once had to reject two people in one night, has never actually kissed anyone before. Not properly, anyway.

Granted, he’s been extremely close to it a fair few times – having been in and out of auditions and callbacks since the age of about five, he’s come into contact with a considerable number of roles that involve love interests; only last month was his character Eddie supposed to kiss the love of his life, Alexandra, in the back of a car at a drive-in cinema. It was a play that one of the drama students had written; set in the fifties, all red-and-white ice cream parlours and hand jives and high school dances and Marilyn Monroe posters. Dan had enjoyed playing his part, and not just because it was the only opportunity he’d get to sport a black leather jacket (though he did decide leather looked really quite hot on him after that play. It’s almost a shame he’s vegetarian), but because the minor obstacle could, like every single other time, be solved with a stage kiss. Just a few seconds of his back to the audience, being agonisingly close to someone else’s lips, before pulling away and raking though his mind to try and remember the next line. It’s always worked for him, every time.

Except for this. Because the director, a Lucy Howcroft with a loud voice and a bossy personality, has only gone and booked them the Round at the Old Vic theatre. Which would be fine, of course it would; it’s one of the most popular theatres in the city and the theatre group is going to get a huge reputation for this afterwards, but it’s not so handy as far as stage-kissing is concerned. When you’re being stared at from every angle three-hundred-and-sixty degrees around, there’s no way you can get away with only partially leaning in to kiss.

“Are you sure there’s no way around this?” Dan had insisted when he’d stolen a moment after rehearsal to talk to Lucy. She’d been clearing her desk – a papery mountain range, and had looked a bit too busy to talk, but Dan would rather discuss this with her one-on-one instead of having to voice his feelings with twenty other pairs of eyes staring at him.

“For someone who just bagged yet another lead role, I would’ve thought you’d be a little more gracious than this,” Lucy had muttered, snapping a file shut. “I didn’t have to cast you, y’know.”

“It’s not- I am grateful, you know I am, it’s just-“

“Is there a problem with the casting of Juliet?” she’d offered, raising an eyebrow.

“No,” Dan had insisted. “She’s fine.”

“The costume, then?” she’d tried. “I’m not a bloody mind reader, Dan. Help me out a bit here.”

Dan had shut his eyes and taken a deep breath, trying to comb the tangle of words in his head into some kind of coherent sentence.

“I mean- I just- the venue,” he gulped. “It’s- there’s a bit of a problem.”

“What about it?” Lucy sighed, irritation tracing the edges of her tone. “I fail to see what’s so problematic about getting a slot at the Old Vic of all places, but if you have any objections, then do enlighten me.”

“It’s not that, it’s just-“ Dan gulped, not really too sure how far he’s going to get with this. The bitterness already in her tone didn’t sound at all promising. “I don’t know. Do we have to perform in the round?”

“Christ, is performing in one of the most popular theatres in London that much of a chore?”

“No, no, I just-“ he gulped, trying to work out how the hell he’d word this without sounding like a twat. “I’ve never really… you know. Performed in an environment like that before.”

“You’ve been acting for twelve years,” she said bluntly. “I’m sure you have enough experience to be able to deal with a round stage instead of a rectangular one.”

“But- like, isn’t the round meant for- like… you know, Greek plays and shit?”

“It used to be,” she’d said, taking care to apply extra emphasis on the past tense. “Since when were you so hung up on the traditions of theatre, anyway?” she’d added after a pause. “Only last week were you totally in favour of the idea of having a rap battle in the middle of Othello.”

Dan had frowned, because that wasn’t really fair – sure, a rap battle isn’t exactly a common feature of Shakespeare’s plays, but no one could deny that Louis, playing Iago, was pretty good at freestyling whenever a mic was thrown in his direction. Despite not adhering to the conventions of traditional English theatre, it certainly made the play more entertaining.

“It’s just gonna be- you know. It’s gonna take some getting used to,” he’d mumbled instead.

“You have three months to get used to it,” she’d pointed out. “I’m sure you and the rest of the cast will have familiarised yourself with it by the time the production comes around.”

“But- the round is traditionally meant for-“

“Look, if you’re going to get so archaic about it, I can always build a time machine, book the open-air Globe for, like, sometime four-hundred years ago, and you can spend the next three days picking rotten tomatoes out of your hair,” she said. “Does that sound better?”

“They only did that to bad actors,” Dan had pointed out. Lucy rolled her eyes.

“And you know what makes a good actor, Dan?” she retorted. “Flexibility. The willingness to branch out of your comfort zone.”

Dan had sighed. He’s not going to get anywhere with this, is he?

“You know what?” he’d finally shaken his head, defeated. “Forget it.”

She watched him turn on his heel with a raised eyebrow. “See you Tuesday, then? First read-through of the script is at eleven in the morning.”

“See you then,” Dan muttered, not even bothering to turn around.

He let the door slam behind him.

It’s not that Dan doesn’t want to kiss anyone – (quite the contrary, really. He loves the idea of it, loves the thought of someone’s lips pressed up against his, the world slowing down around them and his heart feeling like fire. He’s always tried to incorporate that feeling into his acting, letting his passion leak into every character he’s cast, but when the stage lights are off and the curtain is down, his attraction to his colleagues ends there) – it’s just- well, he doesn’t really think he’s found the right person to share the real experience with, yet. His fellow actors and actresses aren’t unattractive by any means, but he doesn’t look at any of them and find himself struck by the desire to taste their lips and whisper incoherence into their ears like Eddie was supposed to do in the back of that car.

Seventeen, and still hasn’t had his first kiss. Still doesn’t want to waste it, at that.

Pathetic.

-

Technicians don’t get paid enough, Phil thinks.

He’s spent the day holed up in the trap room, devouring what was left in the back of the fridge (including a half-opened pack of Doritos that tasted like they expired about five years ago) and puzzling over this fucking broken light board that everyone had very kindly left him to take care of. It had already taken him over half an hour to get one of the chunky old Mac laptops up and running again (seriously, who in this day and age is still using an iBook?) and even then it only really half-functions – a handful of keys are missing, the trackpad only ever seems to work when it feels like it, and there’s a huge hairline crack right across the screen. Phil’s spent so long cursing through gritted teeth and smacking the table in frustration every time the damn thing freezes that it wouldn’t come as a surprise if he ended up contributing to those cracks by the end of the day. Maybe that’s how they ended up there in the first place.

“You alright?” the door suddenly opens and a voice – Nick, Phil presumes, breaks the aching silence that the room has been blanketed in for the past four hours. Finally, Phil sighs, feeling a pinch of anger melt away. Human company.

“Been better,” Phil mumbles, popping a couple of grapes into his mouth. Been better, he scoffs to himself. He’s pretty sure he hasn’t been worse.

“Chuck me a coke, will you?” he pulls up a chair and puts his feet on it, perching on the edge of the table. Phil heaves out a sigh – that involves getting up – but musters up enough energy to lean over and yank the fridge open. He tosses him a can, and Nick catches it expertly.

“Nice of you to show up,” Phil rolls his eyes. “Only four hours late this time. That’s an hour and a half off your personal best.”

“They said they didn’t need me here ‘till three,” he protests, popping the can open and taking a few gulps. “They said you had it all under control.”

His sentence is punctuated by a burp. Phil grimaces.

“Under control,” Phil snorts. That’ll be the fucking day.

“What did they leave you here to do?” he frowns.

“Only fix this entire fucking thing,” Phil nods over to the stupid light board. God, he’s sick of the sight of it. “Beats me what’s wrong with it. I’ve only just managed to get this dinosaur up and running,” he gestures to the corpse of a laptop in front of him, “let alone look at that.”

“Fuck me, man,” Nick sighs out a heavy breath. “If I knew, I could have come in earlier to help you out a bit. You should have texted me.”

“It’s fine,” Phil sighs even though- well, it’s not, really. There’s only so many hours of broken technology and out-of-date food one can take. “It’s not your fault,” he adds truthfully.

“They’re twats sometimes, aren’t they?” Nick lowers his voice, despite the fact they’re literally underground here, beneath the earshot of everyone.

“I’ll say,” Phil widens his eyes, trying to click something and- nope, it’s fucking frozen again. “For fuck’s sake. They’re all bloody loaded, too. You would have thought with the money they have, they could fork out a little for equipment that at least half-functions, right?”

“Yup,” Nick sighs. “Guess bookings for overpriced fancy-ass theatres are higher up on their agenda, though.”

Phil can’t argue with that. Apparently they’re going to have to wire up something in the Old Vic, of all places, next week. Phil dreads to think how much hiring that place out for even a few hours is going to cost, let alone booking it for three nights.

Probably more than enough to buy a better fucking laptop.

-

“But soft! What light through yonder window breaks?

It is the east, and Juliet is the sun.

Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon,

Who is already sick and pale with grief,

That thou, her maid, art far more fair than she.

Be not her maid since she is envious.

Her vestal livery is but sick and green,

And none but-“

“No- no,” Lucy holds up her hand. “Come on, Dan. More emotion than that. You’re telling the love of your life that even the moon is envious of her beauty. At least pretend to put some passion into it.”

Dan rolls his eyes – only the fourth time he’s had to repeat this fucking soliloquy in the past fifteen minutes. He’s pretty sure he’s only one “no, no, it’s too (insert adjective here)” away from giving up with this whole thing altogether. He’d rather have played Benvolio anyway.

“Come on,” Lucy continues. “We’ll take it from Be not her maid…”

Dan shuts his eyes, scrapes up the remaining traces of his sanity, and takes another breath.

“Be not her maid since she is envious.

Her vestal livery is but sick and green,

And none but fools do wear it. Cast it off!

It is my lady. Oh, it is my love.

Oh, that she knew she were!

She speaks, yet she says nothing. What of that?

Her eye discourses. I will answer it.—

I am too bold. 'Tis not to me she speaks.

Two of the fairest stars in all the heaven,

Having some business, do entreat her eyes

To twinkle in their spheres till they retur-“

“No, no-“ she interrupts him again and for fuck’s sake, at this rate, Dan won’t even need to spend any time in his bedroom going over his lines. He’s pretty sure he’s memorised half of the monologues already just from recapping in rehearsals alone.

“Come on, really feel it,” she pleads. “You can’t say something as romantic as that with a face like yours – you’re literally saying that two stars in the sky have gone away and they’re asking Juliet’s eyes to shine in their place until they return.”

Dan balls his fists, ready to snap back that yes, he’s fully fucking aware of what’s going on in the play thank you very much, in case she hadn’t forgotten he did actually study it for three separate exams and subsequent exposure to the text in question has made him rather familiar with the occurrences currently taking place, but they’re all interrupted by a knock at the door.

“Come in,” Lucy huffs, mildly irritated.

The door knob jitters, then twists.

“Hiya,” a black-haired boy nods tiredly, pushing through the crack in the door. Dan immediately recognises him – one of the tech guys, he thinks, but he isn’t entirely certain. He’s never really spoken to any of the crew before; they tend to keep well out of the limelight (they’d rather control it instead).

“Everything okay?” Lucy asks, before turning to Dan and Alexandra (his Juliet). “You two, take five. Be ready to take it from the top.”

They both relax and take a seat on one of the upturned wooden boxes. It isn’t until Dan takes the weight off of his legs he realises how much they’ve been aching – fuck, he really needs to get back to that gym.

“Any luck?” she says to Mr. Black-Hair. He’s holding a laptop that looks as if it’s seen better years, never mind days, and a long cord of wire that snakes around his fist.

“Nothing at all,” he sighs, flicking a strand of his fringe out of his eyes. His hair looks as if it hasn’t seen a hairbrush for days, but there’s something about the way it sits shaggily on his head that kind-of suits him (Dan wishes he could pull off messy hair – he only attempted ditching the straighteners once and spent the rest of the day wondering if any birds had mistaken his head for a nest).

He doesn’t realise he’s been staring until he catches the tail end of Alexandra’s sentence and realises he hasn’t actually been listening for the past minute or so.

“What was that, sorry?”

“I asked you how you were finding Romeo so far,” she repeats.

“Hm? Oh yeah, yeah- he’s fine,” Dan says, not taking his eyes off of Mr. Black-Hair. He’s lost the thread of their conversation (he’s no lip reader) but by the looks of it, it seems as if there’s a problem with one of the laptops.

“Are you sure?” Alexandra frowns. Dan looks at her, but his glance is soon pulled back to the technician.

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

She shrugs. “You don’t really- I don’t know, you just don’t seem to be… you know. That into it, y’know?”

“Wait-“ Dan shakes his head, trying to focus on their conversation instead of the one a few metres away from. “Hang on- what? What makes you say that?”

She raises her eyebrows, as if to say ‘really?’. Dan’s expression remains carefully blank.

“Come on, Dan. We wouldn’t have had to repeat this stupid scene like, five times if you were actually into it. I’ve seen you do way better than this.”

“Oh, not you as well,” Dan groans, deflating. He’s pretty sure that exact sentence had fallen from Lucy’s lips not so long ago. He’s sick of hearing it, sick of having to sit and listen to people tell him that he ‘can do way better’ and ask ‘is everything all right, Dan? Nothing bothering you, is there?’ because he’s just ‘not himself’ at the moment.

That’s the most ridiculous one, he thinks, because for Christ’s sake, he’s an actor. He’s never himself.

“No, I don’t mean it like that,” Alexandra says, backtracking. “You know I don’t. I just- I think I overheard Lucy say you had a problem with something or other last week?”

“Did you,” Dan mumbles, unable to keep the bitter sarcasm out of his town. Alexandra remains unfazed.

“What was that about, though?” she remains unfazed. “Nothing to do with the casting, is it?”

“You really think it’s to do with the casting?” Dan stares at her in disbelief, before scoffing. “Yeah, like, I’m gutted to have bagged the lead role alongside you at one of the best theatres in the country. How am I going to cope?”

Not entirely truthful, but not a complete lie either.

“Just making sure,” a grin tugs at her lips, and she flicks a curl of red hair behind her shoulders. “I don’t have much of a problem with it myself, to be honest.”

“That’s reassuring,” Dan smirks sarcastically, but his tone is fairly benign. There’s certainly no denying she’s fucking gorgeous and it’s really no wonder she’s Juliet – she has hair the colour of a sunset falling down her back in ruby curls, emerald eyes framed by a curl of long eyelashes and cherry red lips that stretch into a wide smile whenever Dan cracks a joke, giving way to a small dimple on the side of her cheek. Her skin is pale, the colour of moonlight, almost, and he idly thinks, just for a fleeting second, that the moon probably would be jealous of her. She’s beautiful.

“Certainly don’t have a problem with getting to snog you in front of a thousand people, I must be honest,” she adds, and Dan’s stomach drops and his grin vanishes. Shit.

He wrings out a laugh, internally wincing at how false it sounds. “Yeah, I- um-“

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” someone mutters a few footsteps away from them. He snaps his head up, and Lucy plus Mr. Black-Hair are hunched over the desk, clearly getting nowhere with the absolute disaster they call an iBook.

“Wait- what’s the problem?” Dan suddenly gets up. He feels a little bad for leaving Alexandra so abruptly so he throws her a little apologetic ‘be right back’ glance, but he can’t help it – he might actually be able to help, here.

He shoves down the other voice in the back of his mind, the ‘or rather you’re just grabbing at any opportunity to avoid any potential conversation about the kiss you fucking wimp’

“It’s okay, Dan, sit back down. I’ll be with you both in a second,” Lucy calls over her shoulder.

“No, really,” Dan insists. “I know a thing or two about Macs. I have one myself, and-“ he catches Lucy drawing in a breath, ready to protest, and he regrets the spill of words almost as soon as they come out – fuck, why can’t he just keep his mouth shut? – but Mr. Black-Hair turns around, an eyebrow quirked upwards.

“Really?” his stare is the colour of ice, the sky on a December morning, but it’s weirdly warm at the same time.

“I- uh, yeah,” Dan stutters when he remembers how to talk again. “I’ve always had Macs. They’re great when they decide to work, but they can be a bitch when they begin to act up, and-“ he cuts himself off with an awkward shrug, “yeah.”

“Tell me about it,” the technician smirks. “This bastard-” he nods to the chunky white rectangle in his arms, “took me like, half an hour to boot up alone. And now it’s been frozen for like- twice as long as that. I’ve only had chance to type in my password so far.”

Lucy’s still standing in the middle of them and it’s getting a bit difficult to ignore the stony glare burning into Dan’s peripheral vision right now and even harder to avoid eye contact with her, but it doesn’t stop him from offering some help, albeit rather inappropriately timed.

“I- um, have my MacBook with me if that helps?” Dan offers, trying not to feel the heat of his blush when Mr. Black-Hair looks straight at him. “I mean- if you don’t need it that’s fine, but like- it’ll function a bit better than that thing,” he shrugs. “I dunno. It would probably save you a lot of time.”

“Really?” he raises an eyebrow. “Like, with you right now?”

“Yeah,” Dan says. “I mean – I haven’t got my charger on me, but it’s on, like, eighty percent. Should be fine.”

“I mean-“ he throws a permission-seeking glance, towards Lucy, who Dan is pretty sure would be having steam coming out of her ears would it be humanly possible. She fixes Dan with a hard stare, a real ‘go on; be my guest’ look that’s always comes across as more of a dare than permission, a challenge for his conscience, but he can’t help an apologetic smile tugging at his lips.

“It’s cool with you, right?” his lips say before his mind catches up.

Lucy rolls her eyes in defeat. “If you absolutely must. But only- only because I could do with the extra time to independently go over one of Alexandra’s soliloquy.”

His face breaks out into a grin, and he’s not that sure why. “Thanks, Luce. I owe you one.”

“Don’t you make a habit of this, though. Remember; this is your own rehearsal time you’re sacrificing.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Dan calls over his shoulder, trailing off. Mr. Black-Hair holds the door open behind him, and suddenly they’re out of the rehearsal studio and walking in a weird mutual silence sitting in a strange middle ground between comfortable and uncomfortable, across the car park and over to the actual theatre.

“Are you alright to do this, yeah?” Mr. Black-Hair (Dan seriously needs to come up with more imaginative mental nicknames for people) breaks the silence on their walk down to the trap room.

“It’s no problem at all,” he smirks as another wooden step groans under his foot. “Anything to get out of rehearsal.”

Dan’s never really been here before, never touched the underground territory where the technicians lurked, but there’s something about the atmosphere of this place that grips him.

-

Half an hour passes, and Dan couldn’t really tell you why he’s still sitting down here, still sitting on a revolving chair with a rip in the upholstery, under half-broken beams, tables that look like they’re seconds away from collapsing, and a lot of weird technology that he’d never even attempt to get his head around (seriously – do they even need this many buttons?). He’d given his laptop to Black Hair to receive a very emphatic ‘thank you, like seriously you’re a fucking lifesaver if I spent a second longer with that piece of shit I really don’t know what I would have done’ and the job had been done in seconds. Since then, a casual conversation had been struck up and Dan finds he doesn’t actually want to go back upstairs just yet.

“You two sounded really good in there,” Black Hair comments. They’d been talking about the play. “From what I heard, anyway.”

“Thanks,” Dan says, trying to ignore the quiet blush that warms his cheeks. There’s nothing quite like someone complimenting his acting. “Clearly not good enough for Lucy, though.”

“Few things are, Dan,” he sighs, and Dan only finds it half-weird that this guy knows his name, but Dan doesn’t actually know his. It’s unnerving, sure, but nothing he’s a stranger to. “She’s been on at you all morning.”

“Yeah,” Dan pauses, before adding an apologetic “sorry, I- um, I don’t think I caught your name?”

“It’s fine. I’m Phil,” he grins, and Dan thanks his lucky stars there’s finally a name to put to the face.

Dan studies him briefly, and frowns. “You do look familiar, actually.”

“Yeah – I do all the donkey work downstairs,” he grins. “You may have seen me emerge from the cave every now and then.”

Dan chuckles, deciding there and then that he likes Phil.

“Doesn’t it get lonely?” Dan asks, studying the square lights looming above them, one of which he notices is stuttering slightly, flickering on and off every now and then.

Phil shrugs, not taking his eyes off of the screen. “Kinda. But I mean – I have my little crew down here, y’know? There’s five of us. We just like- keep each other company. Help each other whenever we need to,” he glances at Dan. “Oh, and sneak up to the theatre and watch you guys every now and then.”

Dan giggles. “Brilliant. Must be a nice little community, though.”

“Yeah, it is,” Phil hesitates. “Or perhaps ‘support group’ might be a more appropriate term. For the poor sods who have to put up with shitty laptops and gross food.”

Dan laughs, and helps himself to another Dorito.

-

“Okay, right- Dan, sorry if this sounds a bit weird because- like, we’ve pretty much only just met, but like- um- I was wondering if you wanted to-“

“Phil,” Dan cuts him off. As an actor, there’s something about hearing people stutter and ramble without really saying anything that tends to grate on him. “I’d love to.”

“Really? Well, I-“ Phil stops and frowns. “Hang on a second. How did you know I was gonna ask you to hang out?”

Dan shrugs like he hasn’t spent the last thirteen years mastering the sciences of body language and speech and how they can be applied to the acting world. “Lucky guess, I suppose.”

Phil smiles. “I mean- would you? Like, really?”

“Of course,” Dan says.

“Well yeah, like- I don’t have to be home for a while yet, and I have a car so we could just like- drive around for a bit? Go to town if you want?”

Dan smiles, and repeats what he said before he even knew what Phil was going to say.

“Yeah. I’d love to.”

-                                          

It’s a bit of a weird result to come out of lending his laptop to a stranger for a while, but it’s how Dan finds himself spending the evening sat in the passenger seat on the top of a car park roof, blasting some weird indie song from the depth of Phil’s Spotify and watching the sun sink further behind the buildings, painting the sky warmer with every slow minute that passes on the dashboard clock.

They’d had a drive around the city together, sometimes talking, sometimes letting lulls in the conversation give way to thoughtful silences, both of them tapping away to Phil’s music taste, but Dan thinks it’s been about fifteen minutes since either of them last said anything.

“So,” Phil is the first to break the silence. He flicks the last of his cigarette out of the window (Dan had insisted on rolling down the windows before he did that – there’s no way he’s going home stinking of an ashtray). “Tell me about yourself.”

Dan looks up from his phone at that, his heart thudding.

“You what?”

“You know,” Phil’s gaze doesn’t move, his eyes fixed on the view in front of the windscreen. They’d picked a spot at the very top of a multi-storey car park overlooking everything, leaving the city a pool of lights and colours and life far beneath them. “I don’t really know you. So tell me about yourself.”

“I- um-“ Dan gulps. This wasn’t really a question he came prepared for. He shrugs. “I don’t really know what there is to tell, if I’m honest.”

“Oh, now come on,” Phil presses. “Just- anything. Your hobbies. Your life. Your dreams. What you want to be when you’re older.”

“I feel like I’m in a bloody job interview,” Dan chuckles. Phil’s lips quirk upwards in response.

“You are. I’m interviewing you to see if you’re fit for the job of being mates with me.”

“The ‘job’?” Dan frowns. “Like it’s a chore?”

“That’s for you to decide,” Phil grins. “Now, come on. I wanna hear about you.”

Dan gulps, silence falling for the first time in a while.

“I- um, well I think my hobby is probably pretty obvious, for a start,” Dan begins. Phil rolls his eyes. “And what I wanna be when I’m older, too. I’m gonna do a degree in Drama, I reckon.”

“What else are you into, then?”

Dan stops for a second. “What do you mean?”

“Oh, come on,” Phil presses, flicking his lighter and sparking up another cigarette. “You must have other interests besides acting. You got a girlfriend?”

Dan clams up. “Um- no.”

“Oh. Boyfriend, then?” he quirks his eyebrows, and Dan shakes his head miserably.

“Afraid not.”

“Glad we established that,” Phil smirks, but Dan doesn’t really smile back.

He chews on the inside of his lip, having a staring contest with a pair of headlights sliding across one of the roads beneath them.

“What music are you into, then?”

Dan swallows, trying to think. It’s like someone’s scraped over his mind with an eraser, rubbing out his interests and his life and his personality, all pencilled in with weak lines.

“Oh, you know,” he shrugs. “This and that. I like whatever this is,” he nods to the Spotify track on Phil’s phone. “Bit of Indie, it’s good. Oh, and I love- what are they called? Pink Floyd?”

“Floyd’s good,” Phil agrees. “And Nirvana.”

“Yeah,” Dan gulps, feeling another silence probe the conversation.

“You into the Smashing Pumpkins?”

Dan shakes his head.

“Oh, okay. Slaves?”

Dan shakes his head again.

“Genesis?”

“Never even heard of them.”

“Cobalt Night?”

Dan shakes his head again

Phil cackles. “Oh Christ. You do realise I made that last band up?”

“Oh god,” Dan can feel his cheeks burn peony. “I’m not doing myself any favours here, am I?”

“Don’t worry, I’m only messing with you,” Phil says. “I think it would be more embarrassing if you said yes, to be honest.”

“True,” Dan shrugs, feeling Phil’s stare burn into his side profile. He sits back further in his seat, keeping his stare.

“You’re not really into much, are you?

Dan shrugs.

“I’m more into Musical Theatre, really. Ever since we did a production of Hamilton I haven’t really been able to get that rap out of my head,” he chuckles.

“Right,” Phil sits up a little bit and clears his throat. “Well we’ve established your music taste and your hobby. Who are your favourite actors, then?”

It’s like someone’s flicked a switch inside Dan. His eyes light up.

“-and Leonardo DiCaprio, oh my God, don’t even get me started on him. I mean- who wouldn’t fuck young Leo? Have you even seen him in Titanic? And Romeo and Juliet too, Jesus Christ he’s gorgeous. He’s so fucking gorgeous. I’m not gonna do Romeo’s role any justice when he’s my competition, am I?”

Phil just nods and says the odd ‘hm’, listening to Dan’s stream of consciousness.

“-and Helena Bonham-Carter, what a fucking legend, man. She’s just- her character is just so versatile, you know? I mean- there’s a good reason she’s in literally everything, and that’s because she’s fucking amazing- have you seen Fight Club? You must have seen it, it’s incredible. She’s incredible. It’s a bit of a mind fuck if I’m honest, what with the split personality thing and everything, but- oh God, Brad Pitt is so good in it too. And he’s pretty hot, I’m not gonna lie. Well, until he grew out his hair and looked a bit like a farmer. But- where was I? Oh yeah, Helena Bonham Carter-”

“She was good in Sweeney Todd, too,” Phil comments, and he’s off again.

“-like, that was the first time I ever saw Johnny Depp act, and by Christ that film creeped me out. I mean- I was only like, seven when I watched it so of course it was gross, like, what seven year old watches people do- you know, that, to paying customers? I feel sorry for the poor sods who just went in there wanting to give their beards a trim. But- yeah, they were both really good in Sweeney Todd. I had a bit of a crush on Helena- and Johnny too, for that matter, I mean come on, who didn’t? But then I found out Johnny Depp is a bit of a dick in real life so I went off him after that. But Helena’s still cool, obviously.”

“She’s good, yeah,” Phil nibbles at a protruding hangnail on his thumb.

“And- oh god, who’s another good actor? Oh, don’t even get me started on Morgan Freeman. Absolute fucking legend. Like, oh my god. Him and that other one- god, what’s his name? The guy from Donnie Darko?”

Dan’s brain is moving far too quickly for Phil to keep up and he has no idea what the correlation between Morgan Freeman and Donnie Darko is, but he gives it a shot anyway.

“Jake Gyllenhaal?”

“Yes. Yes, oh my god, that’s the one,” Dan’s face breaks out into a grin. “Fuck, Donnie Darko. What a film, man. My friend has a tattoo of it, and-“

It continues like this, Dan chatting nineteen-to-the-dozen and Phil counting the glitters of passion in his eyes, before they’re both interrupted by a buzzing on Dan’s lap.

“Oh shit,” he grabs his phone. “It’s my mum.”

Phil doesn’t know what she’s saying on the other end of the line, but judging by Dan’s apologies it sounds like he’s stayed out here for a little too long.

“Sorry,” Dan mumbles, tugging on his seatbelt. “Lost track of time a bit, there.”

“Clearly,” Phil grins.

“This was good, though,” Dan says. “Like, really good. Thanks for, you know. Suggesting this.”

“Tell you what,” Phil leans into him, and Dan can smell his cologne. “We’re gonna come back up here again soon, okay? And you’re gonna tell me about yourself. Properly, this time.

Dan frowns. “Isn’t that what I’ve spent the past like- hour doing?” he glances at the clock and shit, has it really been that long? It’s pitch black outside, the only light coming from the glitter of the city beneath them (shit, it really is beautiful from up here) and he was supposed to be home forty-five minutes ago.

“Yeah,” Phil says, starting up the engine. “The only difference being next time we do this, I’m going to ban you from saying the word ‘acting’. So I can hear about you, the real you, and not whoever you pretend to be for a living.”

-

The next few days pass in a blur of line-learning, enduring Lucy’s lectures about how he just ‘isn’t putting enough ‘oomph’ into it, come on now, we’ll take it from the top one more time’ and Dan has to act like he actually gives more of a shit about what Romeo’s saying right now than what Phil had said in that car a few days ago. He has to act like it isn’t what he’d been reciting over and over in his mind, the words digging grooves into the back of his mind and making themselves at home.

He has to act like there’s more to his fucking life than acting.

-

The next time Dan sees Phil, they’re both cooped up in a control room eating lunch in a companionable silence; Dan going over his lines and Phil puzzling over these two wires that are, according to him, sly bastards that won’t fucking go in these holes Jesus Christ, to which Dan had shut his eyes and prayed to god no-one outside the room had caught that out of context. There’s a huge control panel, rows and rows of buttons and sound mixers and, as Dan had very accurately christened them, “slidey-things” in front of them. He has no idea what any of this stuff is, no idea what a “cross-fader” is or what the hell a “submaster” is supposed to do, but every now and then Phil will casually lean over and flick a switch or press a button and a stage light beneath them will change.

“What’s up?”

Dan looks up from his script. He’s been poring over his lines for so long he’s pretty sure stripes of yellow highlighter are now permanently inked into the back of his mind, now.

“What? Nothing.”

Phil swings his legs off of the bar they’d been resting against. They’re halfway through sharing a KitKat (Dan had taken a trip down to the Co-op at the beginning of the lunch break and returned with a bag so heavy with food it had left a dent in his hand, insisting Phil can’t be living on stale crisps his entire life) and watching a rehearsal, one Dan doesn’t have to be in for once, through a pane of glass.

“You’re going to have to do better if you want to convince me, Mr. Theatre Kid,” Phil reaches over to the bowl in front of them and plucks a grape from the stem. “I thought you were good at acting.”

“What do you want me to do; leap up and perform a jig?” Dan turns a page, the paper rustling a bit too loudly. “I’m fine, Phil. Stop reading into things too much.”

Phil stares at him. “You’re sat there with a face as long as my leg, and I’m reading into things?” he quirks an eyebrow. “Be careful. If you stare at that page any longer it’ll probably burst into flames.”

“Shut up,” Dan mutters, the edge in his voice a little too sharp for it to slip by as a joke.

Phil does.

Dan sighs. “Sorry, I just-“

“Rehearsals getting to you?” he suggests softly. Dan doesn’t plan on letting the real problem slip; Christ, he can only imagine the havoc that would ensue if it got around that as well as obsessing over acting he’s also never actually kissed anyone, so he quickly takes Phil up on that.

“Yeah,” he sighs. “I mean- Romeo’s a good character to play, I guess, but he does have an awful lot to say.”

“You’ll be okay,” Phil reassures him. “You still have months of time left to memorise your lines. When’s the play?”

“Seventh of February,” Dan says. Two months from now.

“There we go,” Phil says. “You have plenty of time yet.”

“I guess so,” Dan shrugs. “I don’t know.”

“You’ve done this millions of times before,” Phil says. “You’ll be fine; I know you will. You’re a natural.”

Dan wishes he knew the half, he really does, but there’s just something about Phil’s smile that makes him almost want to believe him.

-

Dan manages to tell Phil a little bit more about himself next time they’re on the roof together, and in return, he learns a bit about Phil too.

“Well, when I was acti-“

“Nuh-uh,” Phil interrupts him. “No acting talk, remember?”

Dan rolls his eyes. “It’s relevant to what I was gonna say. It’s an important part of the story.”

“Wherever the hell you can fit acting into a story about you and your friends getting drunk and stealing a supermarket trolley because you couldn’t afford a taxi, I’d be very impressed.”

“You’d be surprised,” Dan grins, and that was the only time acting came into conversation that night.

-

Dan learns Phil is eighteen, that he’d failed his driving test three times before passing because he was driving on the wrong side of the dual carriageway, and swears he’s going to give up smoking next year, he promises. He learns that his favourite colour is blue because he likes the way the colour skates across the ocean water in the summer, and that he used to be scared of dogs before his parents got him a puppy for Christmas, a bouncy Labrador called Daisy with a love for the sun and walks down to the beach.

“I fucking love dogs,” Dan beams.

“So do I, now. Took me long enough,” Phil agrees, taking a drag of his cigarette. “Daisy’s so cute, oh my god. You will love her.”

Dan doesn’t say anything, but there’s something about the definite use of ‘you will’ that he likes.

He, in turn, finds that he does have some thoughts and feelings and dreams hidden away in there, beneath the façade of scripts and stage lights and acting. He finds he does have stuff to say, stuff that isn’t always attached to a web stringing back to the theatre. He tells Phil all about his cat, Ozzy (a little shit who takes great pleasure in knocking all his belongings off of his desk and sleeping on his laptop, but he loves him anyway) his annoying next-door neighbours who don’t seem to see any problem with blasting ABBA at three in the morning, and they manage to find common bands they both like. Oasis is playing when the sun sinks, the sky darkens, and the city lights up beneath them.

“God, I love this one,” Phil mumbles, his speech obscured by the cigarette hanging out of his mouth. “Don’t Look Back In Anger. It’s one of their best.”

“Oh god, yeah,” Dan agrees, tapping along to the chorus. “That and Stand By Me. Oh god, and Champagne Supernova, too.”

Phil grins at that, and leans forward, picking his phone up from the dashboard. Before Dan has a chance to question him, the chorus stops dead in its tracks, and an acoustic softness follows the sudden silence, a series of guitar chords that are just that bit too familiar. He grins.

“I always think the intro sounds a bit like Wonderwall,” Phil comments, putting his phone down and leaning back in the seat.

“Yeah,” Dan sighs, leaning back in his own seat and turning his gaze to the city beneath them, staring at lights and roads and buildings until they pool into a hazy amber blur in his vision.

How many special people change,

How many lives are living strange,

Where were you while we were getting high?

Slowly walking down the hall,

Faster than a cannonball

Where were you while we were getting high?

 Someday you will find me,

Caught beneath the landslide,

In a champagne supernova in the sky.

Someday you will find me,

Caught beneath the landslide,

In a champagne supernova;

A champagne supernova in the sky.

They don’t say anything, instead letting Liam Gallagher do the talking, but sly glances are exchanged from under brown fringes and black eyelashes.

-

“Nice up here, isn’t it?”

It’s only until Phil breaks the silence they’ve lapsed into that Dan realises the song has drawn to a close. He slides his gaze from the city and over to Phil, over to his thoughtful stare skating along the skyline, the ruffled sweep of black hair coating his fringe, and the orange glow of a cigarette tip poking out of the corner of his mouth. His eyes flicker over to Dan’s.

Dan looks back over to the city.

“Yeah.”

“I always come up here.”

“I can see why.”

“Yeah, well. Sometimes a little look over the city is just what you need to clear your head. It just puts everything in perspective, doesn’t it?”

“Yeah,” Dan swallows. “It really does.”

There’s a litter of thoughts and worries in his mind, buried deep and multiplying with every day that drags past, every day that pulls him closer and closer to the production, to the hundreds of burning stares in the audience seats, to his colleague’s lips. He’s been longing for a break from it. Just a few hours of silence, a few quiet moments that don’t have to be spent combing over every single thought in his head, thinking and thinking until it inflates into anxiety, spilling into the pit of his stomach and clawing at the edges as it goes.

And the more he counts the city lights, the more he feels the cold night air stroke his cheeks and the engines reverberating around the car park levels beneath them, the more he reckons a more few nights up here. It’s the remedy he needs; just him, Phil and the lights.

Their eyes meet seconds after, and Dan can feel the question he’s vowed to ask Phil before the end of the night already beginning to rest on his lips, on the cusp of speech.

“When can we do this again?”

-

The late nights begin to pass more frequently in a spinning blur of city nights, passenger seats and conversations, all whispers and cold air and stolen glances. Dan can feel himself unravelling like a threadbare blanket, his carefully constructed personas and characters fraying at the edges with every hour spent up on the top of the city with a boy whose lips spill truths like water, and it isn’t long until Dan finds cracks in his paper personalities and begins to feel more and more honesty begin to seep through. He finds that no, he doesn’t have to spin false anecdotes like cotton and lie about his interests and find a way of linking everything back to acting, hooking every little quirk and element to his personality back to the stage. He doesn’t have to impress Phil with his knowledge of Hollywood throughout the years and he doesn’t have to act like he loves things he’s never actually heard of and he doesn’t have to lock his feelings away and throw away the key.

He doesn’t have to pretend.

-

It’s all okay until they fall onto the topic of previous relationships.

It’s been a good night. They’d visited the car park again, but this time without the car (it was warm enough to leave it in the driveway and make their own way up the concrete staircases, glass bottles in plastic bags clinking around their legs). They’d situated themselves in the very same parking space, the one second to the right and next to a beacon, but they’d traded car seats for a picnic blanket, headlights for phone torches and gear sticks for bottle openers.

“Yeah, like- fuck, she wasn’t a good kisser at all, was Mary. I mean- we were in year nine and she tried, bless her, and God knows so did I. But you know, with that as my first impression of kissing, when it was over I was like ‘what the fuck is all the fuss about?’” Phil chuckles, and Dan pretends to grin.

“Yeah, I mean-“ he shrugs, staring down at his lap. “I’ve had my fair share of bad kisses in my time.”

The ease with which the lie rolls off of his tongue almost takes him by surprise. It’s been a while since he’s lied about himself to Phil, and it feels strange.

“I can imagine,” Phil says, before frowning. “But you’re an actor. So you must be an excellent kisser, right? What with all the practice you guys have.”

Dan frowns, looking up from his bottle. “You what?”

“Oh come on. I saw what went on in the back of that car last term. Eddie and Alexandra. That play involved more lip-on-lip action than the fucking Notebook.”

Dan smiles at that, remembering the play adaptation they actually did of that when he was in year ten. He doesn’t quite know whether to laugh or cry over the sheer amount of starring roles he’s had that are heavily eloped in some kind of romantic storyline.

“Us actors have our techniques,” he says carefully.

Phil’s eyes widen at that. “You do? Like what?”

Dan shrugs, taking another sip of beer. “Oh, you know.”

“No, I don’t know,” Phil shuffles closer, a flicker of eagerness in his cerulean stare and shit, Dan’s beginning to regret opening his mouth now. “Come on. What techniques do you have? I could use a few tips myself.”

Dan raises an eyebrow, his eyes firmly locked onto the spread of amber lights in front of them.

“I doubt you’d ever want to use these kinds of techniques on anyone,” he says, a hint of humour drying his speech. “I imagine stage-kissing on a real date would be quite a deal-breaker.”

“Stage kissing, huh?” Phil widens his eyes. “How does that differentiate from a real kiss, then?”

“Well,” Dan takes another sip of his drink, his vision beginning to slow down. “First of all, it’s not really a kiss at all.”

“Huh?” Phil frowns.

“I mean- not usually. There are different kinds of stage-kisses, but most of them don’t involve, you know,” he smirks, reusing Phil’s rather vulgar term of “lip-on-lip action”.

“So you guys don’t actually kiss?” Phil asks.

Dan shakes his head. “Nope.”

“But-… how does that work?”

Alcoholic courage swims through Dan’s veins at that. He glances at Phil.

The words are a whisper, a dare almost, and it isn’t until Phil nods that Dan realises he’s actually said it out loud.

“Want me to show you?”

“Yeah, go on,” Phil’s tone is casual, soft almost, but his eyes are glittering.

“Okay, well- come over here,” he beckons.

Phil does as he’s told, shuffling up on his knees until he’s facing Dan.

“One of the actors needs to have their back to the audience,” Dan says. “So, let’s say the wall over there is the audience,” he nods over Phil’s shoulder to the stretch of concrete watching them.

“Alright. The wall’s the audience. Now what?”

“Now,” Dan gulps, feeling his heart begin to pick up the pace because shit, this is really happening now. “So, what you do is, like, just lean in normally for a kiss, but stop just as your lips are about to touch.”

Phil scoffs. “Where’s the fun in that?”

“Look, do you want me to show you or not?”

“Nah, nah, I’m kidding,” Phil says. “C’mon, then. Show me how it’s done in Hollywood.”

“You dick,” Dan mumbles, but he’s leaning in.

Phil gets closer, his face begins to crawl up to Dan’s until their noses are brushing and his fringe is a tickle on Dan’s cheek and his breath mixes with Dan’s own, warm and languid through parted lips and fuck, Dan’s heart is really thudding now. His legs feel like jelly and his lungs feel like fire and there’s something warm and fiery swirling in the pit of his stomach, something alien, something that he’s certainly never felt before with any other colleague he’s come this agonisingly close to kissing.

They stay there for what feels like minutes, lips hovering, warmth tingling and the city still thundering beneath them, and it’s Phil who pulls away first.

“Impressive,” he smiles, eyes glittering with nonchalance. “Frustrating, but impressive. Is that your go-to one, then?”

It takes three swigs of beer to calm Dan down before he can speak again.

“I mean- um, yeah. Though sometimes if you’re, like, sitting really far over to the side in the audience you might be able to tell that they’re not actually kissing, so,” he shrugs. “It just depends on the stage, I guess.”

“Right,” Phil nods, swigging from his own bottle. “You, er- you mentioned a few other types, right?”

The thought of coming that close to Phil’s lips again sends the strange flame of warmth flooding back into Dan’s stomach. He all but chokes on his mouthful of drink.

“Er- yeah,” he stutters. “There are a few others,” he gulps again and shit, what’s up with him?

Dan doesn’t really know what’s happening, doesn’t know why being within a metre radius of this guy is already making him feel far more than he’d ever felt with any colleague, kissing or not, but it doesn’t stop him from beckoning the older boy over and showing him kiss number two, their lips locked together with nothing except Dan’s thumb in between them. He can feel the warmth of Phil’s mouth against his skin, the hot movement of Phil’s breath through his nose and the tickle of his hair against his cheek again. When he parts his mouth, Dan feels the tiniest touch of lip against his. It’s only the very corner and can’t have lasted for longer than a millisecond, but the feeling comes back like a spark to a flame and he’s beginning to find it difficult to balance and oh, shit.

They break apart, eyes searching each other’s, and it’s the first time Dan’s feeling like this post-‘kiss’ without having to throw on a character like an old shirt. He doesn’t have to follow anything up with someone else’s speech, with a fake accent and a stupid costume and a mannerism that doesn’t quite fit.

For once, he doesn’t feel like he has to act.

Phil narrows his eyes after a few silent seconds, fighting back a smirk.

Dan frowns, the post-stage kiss high beginning to melt away.

“What?”

“Is that seriously it?” Phil says.

“Yeah,” Dan moves away, trying to ignore the surge of electricity he had felt upon edging within a few millimetres of the other boy’s lips, the city a roar beneath them.

“I don’t know why I feel so disappointed,” Phil smirks. “From where I sit, looking at you lot doing all your stuff down on the stage, it looks a whole sight more realistic than that.”

Dan looks back out to the city.

“Yeah, well,” he says, feeling his heart slow down. “Acting isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.”

-

“So. You and Alexandra, eh?”

Dan glares at him. Dawn is beginning to throw pastel colours into the blackness of the sky. It’s still dark enough to see the stars, fainter twinkles against the sweep of indigo above them, but it’s light enough for them to see each other, to make out feint outlines of faces in the low pre-sunrise light, eyes half-lidded and shadowed from the sleepless hours. It must be pushing four in the morning, and they’ve been here since eleven o’clock, leaving their parents with promises that they’re spending the night round each other’s houses to make a few preparations for the play.

(If reciting Romeo’s Balcony Scene soliloquy through giggles and slightly drunken slurs counts as preparation, then at least half of that promise is true).

“We’re not an item,” Dan mumbles, taking a drag from his cigarette. It tastes strange, kind-of like dirt and ash and tar and he’s not a smoker and probably never will be, but Phil had offered him one and- well, fuck it.

“I know,” Phil says. “But you guys are performing in the round, aren’t you?” Phil narrows his eyes, and Dan swears he leans an inch or two closer before whispering, “your stage kisses won’t work from that angle, I’m telling you.”

“Don’t remind me,” Dan shuts his eyes. So far he’d been doing quite a grand job of pushing that worry to the back of his mind, burying it deep into his consciousness. The whole reason he’s up here altogether is to escape it.

Phil hesitates.

“What?” he asks. “Don’t you want to kiss Alexandra?”

Dan gulps, the taste of alcohol souring on his tongue a little.

“It’s not that,” he says. “I mean- a kiss is a kiss, right? It’s all part of the job, and-“

“But you don’t fancy her,” Phil says.

Dan frowns. “Well- no, of course not. She’s a colleague.”

“I know,” Phil says. “It makes a difference though, doesn’t it?”

“What does?”

“Kissing someone you don’t fancy. It’s weird.”

“Tell me about it,” Dan mumbles. It’s getting harder and harder to maintain this lie. “I- er, yeah. I usually stick to stage-kissing on the job, to be honest,” he shrugs. “It’s just easier than kissing someone you don’t really have feelings for.”

“Have you never, you know, properly kissed anyone before, then?”

Dan takes a deep breath. Lies can flow like water when he wants them to; he’s a master at concealing the truth behind a blanket of fabrication and deception, but there’s something about talking to Phil that makes falsehood sour on his tongue.

He lets it out in a deep sigh, feeling his chest deflate and his heart thud. Fuck it.

“You know what?,” he begins. “No. I haven’t. I don’t know if you can tell, but- yeah. I dunno, I guess that’s why I’m so stressed about this shit with Alexandra. And like- I know that probably makes me a fucking loser for never having kissed anyone at the age I am now, and probably even more of a loser that I want my first one to be with someone special, but- fuck, I don’t know,” he swallows, feeling the knot of anxiety in his chest loosen a little. “No. I haven’t. Okay?”

Phil doesn’t say anything. He bites his lip and averts his eyes down to the neck of his bottle. He fiddles with the loose cap, letting it fall through the spaces between his fingers with a sharp clink.

Dan doesn’t like that, doesn’t like the silence. The knot returns.

“What?”

“I- er- that wasn’t really what I meant,” Phil finally says.

The knot tightens.

“What do you mean it’s not what you meant?”

“I meant have you properly kissed anyone on stage before,” Phil glances up. “Not in general.”

Dan’s stomach drops. Oh fuck.

He open his mouth, but no speech follows. No amount of words can haul himself out of his hole now. Shit.

“I mean-“ he finally speaks again after a silence, and there’s a tremor in his voice that he desperately tries to smooth over. “Oh, shit,” he deflates, feeling the pit of his stomach begin to churn due to the abundance of the night’s alcohol. There’s no point trying to clamber out of the hole he’s just dug himself. He’ll only deepen it.

“Have you really never kissed anyone?” Phil asks in a quieter voice, but he doesn’t sound surprised. Or humoured. Or any other emotion Dan had feared. Just… curious. “Like, at all?”

Dan gulps, the beer a sour swirl in the pit of his stomach. Maybe the sixth bottle was a mistake.

“Well there’s no point denying it now, is there?” Dan finally mumbles, his eyes fixed on a dent in the concrete not far from where they’re sitting. “No. I haven’t.”

The gentle thrum of city engines fills the silence between them, and the three seconds Phil doesn’t say anything for might as well have been days.

“Yep,” Dan breaks the quietness once it borders on unbearable. “There you go. You think I’m a fucking weirdo now, don’t you?”

“Not at all,” Phil replies, and his voice is unusually calm. Dan looks up, his eyes meeting a soft expression, and for some reason he really didn’t expect Phil to react like this.

“So-“ Dan shakes his head. “What? You’re not gonna take the piss? Laugh at me? Say I’m a fucking weirdo that only lied to you to try and look cool?”

The truth scratches his heart, but it needs to be said.

“Why the fuck would I laugh at you?” Phil frowns, and there’s something about the sincerity in his voice that, beneath the turmoil, Dan finds weirdly comforting.

“I mean,” Phil begins. “I’m surprised, don’t get me wrong. Only because you’re an actor and- well, let’s face it, you’re fucking gorgeous too, but-“ he shakes his head. “It’s nothing to be ashamed of. I’m the first to say I’d much rather make sure my first kiss means something. If anything, I agree with you on that.”

“You’re not pissed off that I lied to you?” Dan gulps down another mouthful of lukewarm alcohol.

“Of course not, you twat,” Phil says. “I mean, I get why you did, but there was no need to. Really.”

“I know,” Dan sighs, picking at the label on his glass bottle until the paper frays at the edges.

“Wanna know something?” Phil says, his eyes not moving from the soft sweep of stars above them, dimmed by the early morning light.

Dan takes his eyes away from the sky. “What?”

“If you’re a liar, then so am I,” Phil tells the stars.

Dan frowns. “You what?”

Phil’s eyes flick back down to earth, meeting Dan’s gaze. “I lied too.”

Dan gulps, his heart thudding. “About what?”

Phil forces a chuckle, but it’s drained of humour. “Do I have to spell it out to you? I haven’t kissed anyone either.”

The words ring in Dan’s ears moments after, Phil’s voice an echo above the roar of the city below.

“Wait-…” is the only word that passes Dan’s lips in the next passing minute or so. “But-…”

“Yeah,” Phil shrugs. “Turns out you’re not the only one, are you?”

“But-…” Dan shakes his head. “Why did you lie about it too?”

Phil just shrugs and says, “same reasons you did.”

Dan tries, he really tries, to comb through the tangle of confusion in his mind right now, but the best response he can come up with after a moment or two of silence isn’t the most articulate.

“Shit.”

“Yeah,” Phil agrees, and they descend into quietness again.

“Shame, isn’t it?” Phil is the first to break the silence. “That we feel the need to lie about that.”

“It’s society’s fault for making us feel as if being over the age of about fifteen without having shoved a tongue down anyone’s throat is a failure.”

Phil grimaces. “I’ve never understood the attraction of that, you know. Like, I get making out and stuff, but why would you want to literally devour the person next to you? When I saw kissing scenes as a kid I thought they were actually trying to eat each other.”

“I know,” Dan takes a sip of beer, the alcohol slipping down with a little more ease now. “It sounds grim. I don’t know how people do it. At least with acting on stage you don’t have that problem.”

“True,” Phil mirrors his actions, pulling his drink away from his lips and tracing the rim of the bottle with the tip of his thumb, staring down the tube-shaped glass into the remains of the flat beer, swimming lukewarm and flat at the bottom of the bottle. Only when he glances up a few seconds later does Dan realise he’s been staring.

Dan smirks.

“What are you grinning at?”

“Just-…” he shakes his head and shit, he’s definitely had enough to drink tonight. He can feel the alcohol-induced honesty begin leaking through his parted lips and he knows he’ll probably end up saying something he’ll regret tomorrow morning but- oh, fuck it. “The thought of you having never kissed anyone. It just- doesn’t make sense to me like- look at you. How?”

He’s not really sure where the line between a compliment and a very sorry attempt at flirting is drawn but he’s pretty sure he’s fallen somewhere in the middle.

Phil’s gaze lingers a few seconds too long. “I could ask you the same thing. I mean- come on, look at you. A guy like you must have been drowned in opportunities.”

They’re both a bit too drunk, a bit too cold and there’s something about the atmosphere of an empty car park at fuck-knows-o’clock that warps reality just a little. Dan blinks and the city lights don’t unblur and he feels a bit like he’s in a dream.

“Yeah, I-…” he shrugs. “I’ve had my fair share of offers, I won’t lie.”

“I’ll bet,” Phil interjects, and Dan rolls his eyes.

“Oh, don’t act like you haven’t either,” Dan rolls his eyes, but he’s smirking. “I just-… yeah, I dunno. I didn’t really wanna waste it, but I never really found someone I liked enough.”

“That’s nice, that is,” Phil says, and though Dan scours his tone of voice for a trace of sarcasm or mockery, but Phil’s eyes glitter earnestly. “No, like, really. Most teenagers just, you know, dive straight into it. Slam their face against anything with a pulse that crosses their path. But the fact you care enough to wait,” he glances up, eyeing the boy beside him carefully. “That’s rare. Kinda admirable in a way.”

“Were you the same, then?”

Phil nods without any hesitation. “A hundred percent.”

Dan nods understandingly, taking another sip of beer, and the two of them watch the town sleep for a quiet moment before Phil speaks up again.

“Oh, come here,” he stretches out his arms. “You look like you’re seconds away from hypothermia, for Christ’s sake.”

Dan leans into his chest, closing his eyes and snuggling into the Topman denim of Phil’s jacket. “I don’t really think a car park roof is the most suitable drinking spot,” he mumbles, his speech slightly obscured by his rattling jaw.

“Not at five a.m. in December at least,” Phil says. “It’s a lot nicer in summer, I promise.”

“I’ll hold you to that,” Dan says, and the indirect promise that they’ll come out here and do this again makes Phil smile.

It’s quiet, serene and blue, and Dan loses count of the minutes that drip by until he hears Phil’s voice again, shattering his trance dancing on the fragile edge of drunken consciousness.

“Dan?” it’s only a half-whisper, but it still makes him jump.

The younger boy turns his head, his brown hair tousling against Phil’s denim chest until they’re eye-to-eye.

Phil lowers his gaze, but this time his eyes don’t flicker back up to Dan’s. Dan parts his mouth in response, but before he can say anything, there’s a surge forward and a soft pair of lips on his.

A jolt of adrenaline, shock, and a general ‘holy-fucking-shit-this-can’t-be-happening’ feeling shimmers through his body as he kisses back, and despite his embarrassing inexperience when it comes to anything remotely romantic, his lips move perfectly in time with Phil’s, their mouths melting together in flawless harmony.

Phil’s the one to break away, and Dan misses his lips the second the cold morning air touches his mouth. He frowns, studying Phil’s expression half-hidden by his mop of black hair, but the older boy refuses eye contact.

“Shit, I’m sorry, I don’t know what came ov-“

“Don’t apologise,” Dan cuts him off immediately, his hand hovering over Phil’s arm in quiet protest. “Just-…” he gulps. “Do it again,”

Phil’s head snaps up, his eyes boring into the brown stare in mild confusion.

“Please,” Dan mouths, and Phil doesn’t need to be told twice.

They kiss for longer, deeper, slightly parted lips and slow breathing and the teal glow of 5am light and shit, this was certainly worth a seventeen year wait. Phil’s lips feel like warmth and taste like tobacco and he feels a gentle comb of shy fingertips through his hair and yep, he can definitely see what all the fuss is about now.

When they break apart for the second time, all blushes and broken breaths, they’re both grinning. Phil drops his gaze with a bashful chuckle.

“Well,” Dan breathes. He’s still sitting close, their upper arms touching but neither of them really wanting to move away.

“Well,” Phil says, almost in agreement. They’re bathed in silence once again, but this time it’s comfortable.

“I’m not gonna lie,” Dan begins, looking out over the city. “That was definitely worth the wait.”

Phil tilts his head down, their noses almost touching. “Yeah?”

“For sure,” Dan cranes his neck up a little and pecks Phil’s lips again. The other boy grins, pulling his jacket further over Dan’s shoulders.

“We’ll have to do this again sometime then, won’t we?” Phil’s eyes glitter.

Dan grins, glancing at the view spread in front of them. The sun is beginning to awaken and there are fewer streetlights illuminating the land below and it’s cold and wow, they should really think about heading home soon. Dan hasn’t checked his phone in hours and he’s sure it can’t be running on anything much more than a measly four percent.

“Definitely,” he says, then hesitates. “Although, well.”

“Well what?”

Dan flicks his eyes up at the boy above him, tired brown against weary blue.

“Perhaps next time we should choose somewhere a little warmer than a car park,” he says in a soft voice, before adding, “I can barely feel my arse right now.”

Phil bursts out laughing, and then a pair of lips are on his for the third time.

-

The next couple of weeks rush by in a flurry of rehearsals, meetings, crumpled scripts and weird costumes that itch around the collar. Dan and Phil spend most of their time three storeys apart, meaning secret rendezvous up in the control room or down in the trap room are often necessary. The closer the big day creeps, the hotter the atmosphere becomes with stress, so it’s nice to leave the tension with the stage and the equally tense co-workers and escape for a bit.

“For fear of that, I still will stay with thee, and never from this palace of dim night depart aga- oh for fuck’s sake, you’re not even listening.”

Phil looks up from his phone, a giggling smirk still lingering on his face. “Huh?”

“Come on, Phil. You said you’d go through this with me and you’re sat there playing around with bloody Snapchat filters.”

“Sorry, sorry – I am listening, it’s just-“ his eyes flicker back down to the screen in front of him. “That’s hideous. Who even makes these filters? I look like a toe.”

“Can unflattering photos of you not wait five minutes until I’ve finished this? We’re literally nearly done anyway. We only have, like, one more paragraph to g-” Phil interrupts him by flipping the phone around to face the other boy. A bald, rather unsightly version of Phil with weird eyes stares back. Dan’s eyes widen in horror. “Fuck, that really is hideous.”

“I know,” Phil shudders. “I didn’t even know my face could do that,” he glances back at the screen and pulls a couple of experimental faces. “Would you still be with me if I looked like that?”

“Nope,” Dan replies semi-seriously, rolling his eyes when Phil pouts.

“What about if I looked like this?” Phil turns the phone around. He looks a lot better this time, but a little bit too much like an animal. Dan’s never really understood the national attraction towards ‘dog filters’.

“Probably. The ears might get in the way a bit, though,” he chuckles, before urging, “now come on. We haven’t got long left now.”

Phil agrees, albeit reluctantly. He swings his legs off the table, grabs Dan’s battered highlighted mess of a script sitting in front of him and they pick up from where they left off, something about ‘worms that are thy chamber maids’, ‘everlasting rest’ and ‘inauspicious stars’ (whatever the fuck that adjective means). They last a grand total of fifteen seconds before Dan’s voice is interrupted by a shriek of laughter.

“Oh, fucking hell that’s bad!” Phil cackles. Dan groans, wondering for a fleeting second where the best place to launch Phil’s phone might be.

“That’s it,” he loses it, suddenly leaping across the table and swiping the irritating rectangle of interest straight from Phil’s hand. His smile vanishes in seconds.

“Aw, what?!”

“You have five seconds to put this stupid fucking thing away, or else it’s going out there,” he points to the window behind them. Phil follows his gaze, his eyes widening. They can see the majority of the town from up here. That’s a long drop.

He turns his head back around. They’re nose-to-nose, eye-to-eye.

“Fine,” Phil smiles, the tips of their noses brushing together. “But just so you know, seeing you angry just makes me want to kiss you more.”

Dan rolls his eyes, but he can’t hide his smirk. “Are you still gonna want to kiss me when your phone ends up on the ground?”

“What do you mean ‘when’? I’ve put it away now,” he points to the bulge in his back pocket.

Dan fixes him with a glare.

“Come on,” Phil leans forward as Dan leans back. “Just one?” he pleads, his eyes big and blue.

He shakes his head and pulls away, a grin curling at his lips. His eyes flicker back to Phil, a brown gaze that lingers too long.

“Afterwards,” he says in a voice like velvet.

Phil rolls his eyes, flopping back onto the chair. “Fine. Bloody hell, it’s like being back at school.”

Dan pretends not to hear that last comment. “Come on, we’ll take it from “world-wearied flesh…”

Phil’s phone doesn’t move once from his pocket after that. The promise of Dan’s lips after rehearsal is more tempting than any filter some dumb app has to offer.

-

“How do I look?”

Phil eyes him up and down, a smirk playing at his lips. “Hot.”

The comment receives a soft punch to his upper arm.

“Behave,” Dan turns back to the mirror, twining a lock of perfectly sprayed hair that he was specifically instructed not to touch around his fingers. “Are you sure? I feel like I look like a-“

He’s interrupted by a pair of soft lips for a few seconds.

“That’s really not helping the nerves,” Dan breathes once they break away.

Phil grins. “You look fine. You know you do. Now quit playing with your hair before Alexa sees.”

Dan doesn’t think Alexa, the make-up artist, is capable of seeing anything that isn’t within a thirty-centimetre radius of her own face right now. She’s been hurrying around backstage all evening; powdering this, curling that, flitting from actor-to-actor so quickly it makes Dan out of breath to even watch her. She certainly hasn’t done a bad job though, he thinks, as he inspects his reflection. A slightly dishevelled, 15th-century version of himself stares back, all weird leather and burgundy velvet and wow, perhaps he should sport an Elizabethan tunic more often.

“Suits you,” Phil smiles as if he’d read his mind. Dan adjusts the collar accordingly.

“D’you reckon?”  

“Yeah,” Phil eyes him up and down again. “Most people here kinda look like twats in their costume, but you really actually pull that off.”

“Um- thanks? I think?” Dan smirks, frowning at his reflection. He doesn’t mention it has anything to do with his long-standing ability to morph into literally anyone he likes (he’d often been described by many make-up artists as having a “chameleon face” which he hopes is a reference to his adaptability to blend into multiple characters as opposed to resembling a lizard), and instead accepts the ever-so-slightly backhanded compliment.

“What are you doing down here?” someone with an updo the size of Jupiter asks Phil, sauntering past in something that really rather resembles a cupcake. Phil was right, Dan thinks. They do look a bit ridiculous. “They need you upstairs in five minutes.”

“Oh shit,” Phil glances at his watch. “Okay. Gotta go before Nick kills me.”

“Alright,” Dan smiles, pulling him in for a quick hug.

“Good luck,” he whispers into his shoulder. “You’ll fucking kill it.”

Dan tightens his grip around his arms. “Thank you.”

The word has multiple other meanings, and judging by the glitter in Phil’s eye when he pulls away, he thinks he understands every single one.

-

That night, Dan lavishes in warm spotlights and painted wooden sets resembling palaces and balconies, and he feels alive.

That night, the finest Elizabethan literature spills from his lips, flowing as easily as water, his voice shaping every monologue, soliloquy and duologue perfectly.

That night, there are another pair of lips on his; only this time painted red and totally professional. It feels strange, alien, and not a single trace of the spark in his heart that Phil’s lips ignite can be found, but it’s work. It’s courage.

And that night, someone up in the control booth watches through the pane of glass over all the light boards and buttons and wires, and smiles.

As if it’s been almost a year since my last oneshot??? Wtf this must CHANGE I’m getting back into writing (properly this time I swear) so there’s a lot more where this came from. Feedback is always appreciated whether it be good or bad so pls let me know how you found this! Feels so good to be doing this again u have nooo idea holy shit <3

[tomhollandwritings]

single ~ t.h.

synopsis: the reader and tom have a complicated history, but no matter what happens they always seem to find their way back to one another. 

word count: 2.4k+

based on the request: tom holland one with the song single by the neighbourhood?? like where ur younger than him? 💞💞 i love ur writings so much!!

a/n: i literally had a full draft for this and then started again from scratch bc i was so unsatisfied w it. im actually still so unsatisfied w this one too, it’s kind of jumbled and all over the place but i hope you enjoy anyways. (oh btw i fucking LOVE THIS SONG and i love the nbhd, literally my fav band so thank u sm for requesting xoxox)

listen to the song here if you’d like!

masterlist

The hustle and bustle your cozy house party had created around you left a warm feeling of contentedness and accomplishment in the bottom of your stomach. It had been your friend Sara’s idea to throw a small party on the quiet Friday night, using the celebration of the first day of spring as her excuse. After prodding at you all week, you had finally agreed to let her use your small London apartment as her hosting place. Despite the fact that you were itching with annoyance because of the amount of people that had shown up was extremely far off from your friend’s estimate of guests. The place was full, not so much that it was stuffy, but people were still slipping in the door every few minutes with a bottle of wine or flowers to signify spring’s soft beginnings.

“You will never believe who just walked in.” Sara’s voice pulled you out of your thoughts as she came walking into the kitchen and you looked up, still swirling your wine around in the glass absentmindedly. You look at her expectantly, eyebrows raised. The answer she gave was something you had never expected. “Tom Holland.” She exclaimed. Her voice was hushed, as though she didn't want him to hear her, as she put down yet another cheap bottle of chardonnay onto your counter.

It almost felt as your heart had stopped for a moment as you processed her words. You’d known Tom for a while, and the two of you had a somewhat tumultuous past. To explain your history to anyone felt pointless, so everyone in your life had no one idea that the two of you had ever been involved. Your history was so complex that you didn’t have the energy to explain why you knew the Spiderman superstar.

Your immediate reaction was anger, the knowledge that Tom had shown up at your small apartment knowing full well what the consequences of that action were.

“Tom Holland… like the Spiderman guy?” You asked, trying your best to play dumb.

“Yes,” Sara whacked you in the arm lightly. “he’s so good looking.”

You nodded slightly, taking another gulp of your wine.

“You should go say hi.” She hinted at you, pouring herself another drink.

“What for?” You scoffed, failing miserably to hide your disdain.

“Because you’re the hostess.” Sara scolded. “Don’t be rude.”

You sighed loudly before downing the rest of your wine.

“Fine.”

-

You stepped into the crowded living room to see what appeared to be a sort of mob forming near your front door. Stretching up onto your tiptoes, you still could barely make out the familiar face of the boy, despite even wearing heels. You began to push your way through the crowd, huffing quietly before clearing your throat and doing your best to play nice hostess.

“Hi,” you said cheerily, just sweet enough to sound real but fake enough to know you were pissed. “welcome, it’s so nice to meet you. I’m Y/N.”

Tom looked over at you in surprise, his eyes widening as he shamelessly scanned your body.

“Y/N,” he said. “hi.”

The crowd around Tom began to disperse and you reached out as if to shake his hand. He grabbed onto yours gently and you dragged him out of your apartment and into the hallway in one swift movement before shutting the door gently behind you.

“Y/N…”

“What the fuck, Tom,” You interrupted harshly, pulling your hand away from his. “are you fucking serious right now?”

“I had to see you.” He admits, wincing at your anger.

“What for?” You asked incredulously.

“You know what.” He replies, his demeanour softening.

“I’m having a party.” Was all you said as you took in his soft expression, trying to push down the feelings that were bubbling back up inside of you. 

He was wearing dark jeans and a white t-shirt with a blazer over it, his signature silver necklaces hanging down over his shirt. His hair looked disheveled, different from the slicked back style you’d grown used to since he’d been away on a press tour. You could feel his scent lingering around you and the familiarity was enough to make you cry.

“I know, but…”

“You left.” You said. “You left me. You have no right to just show up at my apartment.”

“I know.” He repeated. “I’m sorry.”

I don't know if we should be alone together

I still got a crush, that's obvious

If nobody's around, what's stopping us?

Taking a deep breath, you closed your eyes momentarily to drink in his presence. You weren’t sure if there was even a need for Tom to apologize at all, or if you should apologize. All you really knew was that you missed him. You had missed him so much it was unbearable. You opened your eyes again, now stinging with tears.

“I have to get back inside.” You said quietly.

“Y/N,” he murmured, reaching out to run his warm fingers down your arm.

“Tom, thank you for the apology but…” He watched you with sad eyes. “I have to go inside, okay? Can we talk about this later?”

Tom’s expression relaxed slightly at your hopeful words, nodding eagerly.

“Sure. Okay.”

You nodded again, squeezing his arm quickly before turning around and slipping back into your apartment, trying to swallow the lump in your throat.

Despite the drama the party continued, and people loved Tom. He was sitting on the arm of your couch, a glass of whiskey in one hand and people surrounding him as he told silly stories about things that had happened to him on his press tour, during filming, in his daily life.

You did your best to ignore the fact that he was there, making yourself busy by speaking with a few friends at the entrance to your kitchen. You could feel Tom’s eyes on you occasionally as you spoke with your friends, and it took everything in you not to glance back over at him.

I don't think that we should be around each other

When you're in the room, you get my eyes

You open your mouth, I'm hypnotized

Tom couldn’t push your voice out of the corner of his mind, despite all the people surrounding him and speaking. He kept glancing over at you, nodding occasionally to keep your guests engaged as he watched you talk.

You threw your head back laughing, a glass of what he assumed was your favourite red wine in your left hand. His heart ached at the familiar sound, remembering when he used to make you laugh like that. No matter how hard he tried he couldn’t seem to tear his eyes away from you. To say you looked beautiful was an understatement. Your outfit was so simple, a white t-shirt tucked lazily into a jean skirt that he recognized as one he had bought you the year before. You had a loose cardigan draped over your body and were wearing tights and a pair of adorable little kitten heels that made him smile. 

He could still hear the voices speaking around him and he was suddenly wildly aware of the condensation from his drink stinging his palm with its coldness as he held onto it tighter, returning himself to his conversation. 

-

Despite your somewhat distracting job of hosting a growing house party, you were physically unable to get Tom out of the corner of your eye. No matter where in the room you moved, you always felt the need to keep him in your sight and keep his voice in your range of hearing. You could hear girls laughing around him at minuscule things he said, most not even jokes, and smiled to yourself at Tom’s probable distaste towards their desperation. 

You glanced up at him to find his eyes already burning into you, and your chest sizzled with excitement. He threw you a small wink, using his amazing way of making you feel like the only person he cared to see in the entire world to his advantage. 

You felt as though you were staring at him with literal hearts popping out of your eyes and twirling around your head like a cartoon. Tom was picking up on this, a small smile gracing his handsome face as he stared at you. 

You blinked, feeling your face flush as you realized how silly you must look. He chuckled softly to himself, causing you to smile against your will, looking down into your wine glass. Tom felt himself puff up unintentionally, proud of himself for getting a smile out of you for what felt like the first time in years.

  I can make you laugh until you cry

You know you got all my attention

You know you got all mine

By the time 1 o’clock rolled around, people were slowly but surely filing their way out of your place and leaving half full glasses of liquor in different places around your apartment. 

Even Sara had left, and you began to collect the endless amount of garbage and paper plates with half eaten grapes and cheese slices on them while stifling a yawn. 

“Need some help?” His familiar voice rang out as he came following you through the hallway, picking up pieces of trash and empty glasses that you had missed along the way. You felt unbelievably excited that he had stayed, having expected him to leave a few hours before. 

As you threw your collection into the garbage in the kitchen, Tom came in the doorway holding an impressive amount of glasses.

 “Jesus, Tom,” You let out a small laugh, walking over to take a few of the fragile glasses out of his hands. Your fingers brushed and his fingertips lingered on yours as his eyes scanned your face. “impressive.” You added softly. 

“I’ve always been good with my hands,” he said cheekily. “you knew that.” 

You looked over at him with wide eyes, feeling your face on fire. “Tom!” You hissed, a smirk painted on his face. 

“Sorry,” he laughed. “you walked into that one.” 

You sighed in defeat, carefully putting the glasses down in the sink to be dealt with later before turning around to face him and leaning against the counter, arms crossed. 

“Y/N…” He started softly. 

At some point during the night he had slipped his blazer off and his lean arms were sun kissed, muscles seeming to bulge every time he moved. You were watching him, almost drooling. “I was going to…” He looked up and saw your face, mouth slightly open. “Are you okay?”

“What? Yeah, of course.” You respond quickly, swallowing hard. He steps closer to you, watching you with curiosity. 

“Are you sure?” He didn’t believe you. You nod fervently again, wishing your cheeks and chest weren't burning so obviously. 

Tom reached out slowly and you watch him, breathing hard. He pressed his cool fingers against your warm cheek and you relished in the feeling of it. 

“I’ve missed you.” You murmur. “So much, Tom.”

“I’ve missed you so much more.” He says, stroking your hot cheek with his thumb tenderly. You were breathing hard, hot air catching in your throat as Tom watched you. 

“What were you going to say?” You asked quietly. 

“I was just going to say how sorry I am.” He replies, his voice barely above a whisper. You found yourself subconsciously pressing your cheek into his palm. “I know I shouldn’t have left things the way I did, I just… I didn’t know what else to do.” 

“I know.” You said quietly. 

As you looked at the boy in front of you, the one you’d been so infatuated with for so long, it was as though everything was forgiven, as if nothing had happened at all. 

All you could think, all you could bring yourself to think was that you felt so happy that he was in front of you again and you never wanted him to go. 

Before you could help yourself you reached up and wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him close to you forcefully, clinging to him. Tom responded immediately, his arms enveloping you tightly and large hands running slowly down your back. 

"Baby," I can't help but call her that

Even though I shouldn't say it

She was my baby girlI might never get her back

But I don't mind being patient, yeah

“Baby,” he whispered, lips moving against the skin of your neck where his face was pressed. The warmth of the familiar nickname mixed with his whiskey-tinted breath mingled deliciously on your skin. 

“Yes?” You delicately traced the growing hairs along the nap of his neck, twirling them between your fingers. 

“I’d wait forever for you.” He breathed. You felt your heart swell. 

“You don’t have to wait at all.” Your voice was hushed now, heavy with the threat of tears. 

You could feel the problems you shared melting away, pooling at your feet. His hot tears burned on your neck, singeing your skin, and you pulled him impossibly closer to you. 

“M’in love with you.” Tom mumbled, sniffling before he pulled back slightly to look at you. 

The heat from your cheeks seem to have transferred to his, his face now dotted with redness and streaked with tears. You reached up with both hands to wipe the tears away gently with your thumbs. 

“I’m so in love with you.” You said finally as his eyes scanned your face desperately. They were twinkling, and a grin was growing on his face as he ran his hands down to your hips, squeezing them. He leaned in, giving you the gentlest and most intimate kiss you’d ever had, and it made it feel as though your whole body was on fire. 

“You have no idea,” he murmured in between soft and fervent kisses pressed to your lips, “I’ve waited to hear you say that to me.” 

His hands were tangled in your hair and you giggled softly against his lips, running your hands down his torso, feeling his lean figure as he pushed closer to you.

He kissed you once more and you let out a soft noise of disappointment as he pulled away, pressing his hands against the counter on either side of you.

“We have to finish cleaning the kitchen, remember?” He teased quietly, pinching the skin of your waist gently. You squealed and grabbed his hand tightly. 

“Quit it,” you said softly, his touch causing you to shiver. He laughed softly. “Besides,” you said as he ran his hands around to the small of your back, pulling you against him and kissing you again as you began walking him backwards towards your bedroom. “the kitchen can wait.” 

[rkxblue]

happy #rkfifth !

i told myself i wasn’t going 2 do this b/c ... i’m lazy bean, but here we are anyway! let’s get it!

but anyways starting off rookies was kind of like a vacation to me, rp wise. before rk i had my own rp that lasted a while but during 2013, there was just some drama between members that i constantly had 2 deal with and honestly it was like ... dragging me down, making admining seem like a chore and i loathed logging on to the main b/c i knew there would be some shit w/ these certain people that i had to deal with. so seeing rk in the tags being a different kind of idol roleplay ( and shout out rk for being a trendsetter ) /and/ the fact that reserves were filling up so quickly for a new rp, i quickly sent in a muse.

and it was a little ... idk at first. i did feel out of place considering most came from a different rp in the beginning and i wasn’t, and on top of me being v awkward w/ talking 2 people on instant messengers, there was a bit of time where i felt like i didn’t fit in and almost dropped like 2 weeks after i joined, LOL. luckily at the time a lot of things were going on which helped w/ plotting and meeting new muses, and everyone was super friendly and nice and that’s what kept me here!!!

so then rk turned from a vacation you didn’t want to leave from -- i ended up slagging off p majorly on my responsibilities as an admin at my own rp for a while because i was having such a good time at rk -- it rly brought back my love for rp and muse and tbh if you look back at rksunyoung’s archive back in 2013 - early 2014, i don’t think i’ve ever written as much on tumblr as i did back then, LOL. rk has definitely had it’s ups and downs and i’ve dropped both of my muses before -- but it wasn’t too long before i was bringing them back because there really isn’t a place like rk within krp. that, along with the dedication between both members and admins, is why it’s lasted so long and is still thriving with a super active dash after five fucking years. that’s crazy!! i think i remember mei saying something similar on twitter -- but when i see old rp friends and they ask “omg ur /still/ at rk???”

so it’s obvious to see why this rp went from feeling like a vacation to a home, right?? it’ll always have a special place in my heart  ♡

anyways moving on to my characters too -- when i first brought rksunyoung, now miss rkxblue, i never thought that she would last more than a couple of months, much less be involved with so many things within rk’s history!! it’s ... p wild to think about, especially since i’m someone that has a hard time committing to hobbies and such. it’s been a fun ride watching her go from someone who was wild and reckless and had a problem with love and a little bit of anger issues to someone whos a lot more well rounded, a soft idiot LOL. she even finally got herself the sweetest boyfriend after four years of being shipless on the rp, which i still can’t wrap my head around because denying herself love and believing that it doesn’t exist was one of her /things/ for the longest time. the list of stuff she’s done is so long and now that it’s lead to her finally debuting it’s ... scary yet exciting for her, to be honest, she thought she’d be a trainee forever!! i’ve had a lot of ups and downs with her muse as well, to the point where there was like years ( i think ) of inactivity on my end and she should have 4238972389 more points than she does atm because of that. i do feel sorry for her b/c that was just me being lazy ofc, but in the end i’ve gotten my shit together on her and have been pumping out replies p consistently this year and plotting w/ trainees which has done wonders for her muse. and although hyomin was literally /the/ perfect fc for her considering her personality, the fc change 2 yura has also helped majorly with my muse and it’s been so much easier to plot and reply and even with her characterization too.

as for miss rknvna!! she hasn’t had as much development as sun, aside from her tumultuous rls with a former song minho and being a royal trainee during her first run, and that’s mainly been due to my laziness again jfkafl;a. the good thing tho is that i’ve finally been able to experience life as a rookie with her, considering the times my girls have become trainees were v quick ( sun’s first time was like a week or two after the rp opened, then 3 months after i rejoined w/ her, and nana became a trainee only a month after she joined the first time ) so it was nice to experience the freedom that came with being a rookie!! since 2018 has been sun’s year, i’m going to focus on nana for 2019 so that she can branch out more!!

i guess before i move on i should give shoutouts to all my other rkmuses throughout the years whose lives were so short that i can’t even remember their urls LOL -- my song jieun, park kyungri, goo hara, and choi jinri muses!! i’m sure there’s at least one more that i’m forgetting, but they all lasted around 2 weeks so...

but i also want 2 thank rk for allowing me to be more social as well!! i’ve said this in the last anniversary post i wrote 25238957 years ago but i used 2 have a phobia of sorts when it came 2 instant messengers, so i didn’t rly have one when msn was popping and therefore, didn’t talk 2 many people ooc wise in rps. i made an aim when i came to rk and just ... diving in and talking to people helped out a lot with that, even if i do still get anxious from time to time w/ just simply messaging people. :(

i’m a shy individual ( and for some reason its only exacerbated online??? idk fam ) and unconsciously rather private as well, so that definitely hinders me from making friends as much as i would like to, but it’s a day by day process!! it’s something i’ve come 2 terms w/ as of late and will seriously work on within the next year! but even w/ me being the way that i am, i’ve been able 2 meet a couple of people that have made my experience in rk just a little bit brighter so a ( very brief ) shout out 2 them ~

to maria ( @rkjinkis ) : my sweet angel!!! i’m so glad that rk brought us together because you’ve honestly become one of my closest friends from this rp and in general tbh!! ur so super sweet and caring and a blessing 2 my life, just as much as jinki is to ahyoung’s!! i’m sorry that sun is too independent for her own good but she’s working on it okay!! baby steps!! i love how genuine u are and how we can rely on each other through thick and then, and honestly i want the world for u and more. i love love love LOVE u so much, and i’ll make sure u never forget it!! thank u for being my friend and my source of happiness!!!  ♡ ♡ ♡ 

to hamin ( @rksoohyun ) : despite the fact that we knew each other from snu it was rk that actually got us 2 start talking and i’m so grateful for that!! u literally are the cutest girl in the entire world and ur just as outgoing irl as u are online; seeing morning musume ( a group i thought i would never see live ) w/ u was truly a highlight in my life!!! and ofc soohyun will forever be nana’s fuckin child and she’ll always be rooting for her happiness!! i love u u sweet buttercup and i can’t wait until ur back so i can talk 2 u again!!!  ♡ ♡ ♡ 

to mei ( @rkariel ) : man i admired u for the longest b/c i’ve always loved the way u write and ur characterization of tiffany / ariel, so when years ago nick told me that u were actually paying attention to the minana plot and threads i was so shook i nearly tripped over myself LMFAO. i’m happy that we actually started talking b/c of that tho!!! it’s so easy 2 write w/ u and i honestly have so much fun regardless if we’re just talking about our characters, getting carried away on dash or twitter, or hurting each other w/ headcanons!! ariel has become nana’s rock p much and w/o her i’m not sure how she would of fared her time w/ mino w/o her and their discussions!!! i hope that we can become closer in the future!!

to razel ( @rkcheri ) : hiya boo!!! ik we don’t rly talk anymore but i still wanted 2 mention u b/c u were one of my first friends in rk when i felt kinda lonely, and that was definitely one of the reasons i was able to stick around!! i loved writing w/ u b/c ur writing style was always so unique that i could actually point u out whenever we were in past rps together and it’s an honor 2 even write w/ u fjkalf;a. i’m sorry that sun is such a shitty friend and i’m looking forward 2 the day jihyun kicks her ass about not telling her about jinki b/c she deserves it LOL. but just, thank u!!!!

to amy ( @yienrk ) : are u surprised ur on here?? HAHA we don’t talk too much either but i do appreciate u checking up on me whenever i’m down and just generally being supportive and nice!!! also i’m in awe about how knowledgeable u are about idols in general ( i remember one of our first convos being about how sixteen came 2 be and the collapse of all of jype’s trainees and such ) and i love yien and nana’s supportive relationship too!! i can’t wait 2 see how they develop, and i hope 2 get closer 2 u in the future!! ; u ;

to eclipse girls ( @rkariel , @rkaudrey , @rkhaseul , @rkjennie , @rkyeri ) sun couldn’t of asked 2 debut w/ a better group of girls and i’m so glad that they harmonize w/ each other so well!! i’m excited 2 see what debuting brings for them!!  ♡ ♡ ♡

and a shoutout 2 snu crew too ( piper / hoonji, nanu, @rksang, @rktomu, @rksoohyun , @rkjinhwan94, @rkpcy ) : even tho ik majority of u probably won’t see this i’m still tagging and talking about y’all anyway!!! i have so much fun reminiscing w/ u guys whenever we can, and i’m happy that i’ve grown closer too u all as well!! i’m sorry i was such a shit admin back in the day, and what brought y’all together was bad circumstances, but i’m glad it’s something that we can all look back on and laugh at now. i miss being together w/ all of u at once but i hope y’all are doing okay!!!!  ♡ ♡ ♡

and naturally, the admods too!!! thank u guys for putting up w/ all my shit whenever i was in a slump or i sent in points late or fucked up the points ( honestly kyle u are such an angel for real LOL ), and for just keeping the rp in tip top shape!!! ur the back bone of rk and we couldn’t of made it this far w/ each and every one of u and ur contributions and dedication 2 the rp!!! i’m super proud of u guys and am proud 2 call u my admins!!!!  ♡

and ofc shoutout 2 everyone that i’ve ever plotted and threaded w/ in the past and present -- i’m super shit at replying 2 those in general so thank u for being patient w/ me even though i don’t deserve it. i don’t know how else 2 end this b/c i’m also super shit at ending things so uh.... happy fifth year anniversary rk!!! here’s to many more!!!

[ua-momo-archive]

the halloween ball (nov. 3).

It had... taken a lot for Momo to find the courage to attend the ball. There are just so many factors involved: the memory of planning an exciting night with her now ex-boyfriend, the slightly awkward state of most of her friendships, and the fact that she’ll be attending alone... But it was ultimately her desire to portray herself as a strong individual that convinced her to finish the designs on her dress and prepare herself for the ball.

When she steps into the venue, she’s doing everything she can to maintain the fragile smile painted on her features. While sketching ideas for her dress, she had taken heavy inspiration from the season itself; her gown is a rich, satin red, the skirt cinched at her waist and gently brushing against the floor of the room as she enters it. What Momo loves most about her dress though is the leaves: she had cut each one by hand, carefully sewing them onto the top part of her dress and onto the outermost layer of her tulle skirt. They’re all different colors—shades of red, orange, and yellow—that she thought captured the changing season best. The abundance of them are sewn onto her chest area, with a significantly lesser amount on the skirt itself, in an attempt to recreate a vision of falling autumn leaves. Her hair is done in a simple, loose French braid. She had inserted a few gold pins into her hair to add some additional sparkle, and decided to keep her makeup relatively neutral—the one exception being her bright red lips.

Momo knows that it’s probably not a good idea for her to be here. It’s been a particularly dramatic week for her and she hadn’t made plans to attend with anyone—well, she had, but that was months ago, back when... She shakes the thought away, reminding herself for the millionth time that week that good things can’t happen to her unless she gives them the opportunity to. Besides, she had worked too long and too hard on her dress to just not wear it because of her social discomfort. She isn’t quite sure what to do with herself when she enters the dancehall, but she spots Shinso across the room and recalls her previous offense. Finding the courage, she approaches him. “Good evening, Shinso. You look great!”

Shinso sported Deku sitting on his phone and worked up the courage to go over to him. He didn’t want to be alone here, after all. What would have been the point in that? As he was walking over to him he was stopped by Momo and smiled at her. “Good evening, you look beautiful. It fits you nicely, and the color is beautiful. Did you come with someone?”

The painted smile almost falters on her face—almost—but she finds that she’s become pretty good at pretending. “Thank you, I made it myself,” she admits, giving him a little twirl and forcing a small giggle. She follows his gaze for a moment, seeing Midoriya sitting alone and looking awfully uncomfortable. “I’m... alone tonight. But are you meeting someone? I didn’t mean to bother you—I just wanted to quickly apologize for my behavior on the night of the festival. It was rude of me to be as hesitant and careful as I had been.” She fidgets for a moment, unsure of what else to say. “But please, don’t let me keep me if you have somewhere to be!”

“Must be nice being able to make your own clothes all the time,” Shinso said. Beats having to pay for everything. He was a bit surprised that she apologized to him, but he appreciated it nonetheless. “It’s alright. A lot of people are uneasy about me and my quirk. I’ve gotten used to it over the years. And you aren’t bothering me, I’m alone as well. I was going to see if Izuku wanted company. Care to join me?”

“It’s great practice for my quirk,” she explains, smile becoming a little more genuine at Shinso’s kind demeanor. “And your quirk is absolutely astounding! It really was unbecoming of me to be uneasy around you—I can only imagine how annoying it must be to have people judge you for something like that alone...” Momo lets herself trail off. He seems to have genuinely accepted her apology though, and she’s thankful for that—her social interactions throughout the week really haven’t been going well, so she’s happy that this one is. “And I’d love to join you, thank you! Please, lead the way.”

“I can imagine. Your quirk is very interesting. I would like to learn more about it.” Shinso’s cheeks flushed lightly when she complimented him. “Thank you. Come on.” He led her over to where Deku was sitting. “Hey, Izuku.”

Mirio looked back and forth through the filling ballroom with anxiety. His friends weren't here yet, except for Deku- which he was looking for. And he saw him, after navigating between the people, and raising a red arm (with scales!) For him to see.

"Heey!" He waved happily. "Prince Midoriya!!"

Both Mirio and Shinsou were calling out to him and Deku’s face flushes, body subconsciously sinking in his seat. He wishes, for a moment, that he could just disappear- before everything inevitably went wrong again.

Deku forces a smile out and it’s obvious that it’s that- forced. He waves awkwardly.

“Hahh...hey guys...”

Shinso still felt guilty for what had happened at the Halloween party, but was determined to make it up to Deku. He hoped that the three of them could cheer up the poor kid, even for a bit. “How are you feeling? You look great.”

Mirio could easily see how uncomfortable Deku looked...and he didn't like it. He made sure to approach him as fast as he could, and knelt on the floor with one knee to speak to him. "What happened pal? You-"

He seemed to just now notice Shinsou. He smiled at him. "Hey man."

“A-ah...I’m...you know...” Midoriya’s eyes shift to Monoma and Tetsutetsu entering the scene, and he subconsciously stiffens, sinking even lower in his chair without realizing. “...Laying low. Thanks, you look good too. U-um...you do too, Mirio. There was a lot of effort put into that costume, huh...?”

Shinso followed Deku’s eyes and he tensed slightly. Monoma was with Tetsutetsu, which would hopefully keep him occupied. It didn’t make him feel too great, but he could handle it. “Did anyone want to get food?” He asked, hoping a change of scenery would lighten Deku’s mood.

"Oh yeah. I dressed all up like this - for you!" Mirio offered Deku a bright grin. "I'm glad you went with my prince suggestion- now we match!"

Maybe talking about this would cheer him up a bit?

Deku can’t help but chuckle softly at that. “Usually matching costumes mean like, a prince and his servant...or a prince and a knight...not exactly a prince and a dragon.”

While the dramatic scene unfolds in front of them Deku tries his best not to stare, instead immediately standing up in reply to Shinsou. “Food sounds like a great idea. I’ve been really hungry since that quirk’s effect wore off...I guess not eating human food for days will do that to you.” Gently, he takes Mirio’s hand- for comfort, and reassurance that he’s still with him. He doesn’t plan on letting him wander away from him this time around.

“I can imagine. I walked past the dining room earlier and it smelled so good. Come on, before things get out of hand,” Shinso said, lowering his voice slightly at the end. He didn’t want to get caught up if Monoma and Kairi’s drama again. Tonight was going to be fun, even if it killed him. He offered his hand to Momo, not wanting her to feel left out. “Care to join us?”

Mirio had his hand taken and it filled him with joy. He heard about the plans to get food - sure enough, Deku was no longer in his vampiric state anymore - and grinned. "Oh? You think a prince and a dragon don't match?"

Out of the blue Mirio crouched and grabbed Deku behind his legs, lifting him onto his arms, bridal style. "Now you're my prisoner." Mirio grinned and pressed a kiss to Deku's temple, leaving a faint red mark.

Deku lets out a squawk when he’s picked up, face immediately flushing. His first instinct is to hide, and hide he does- feverishly burying his face in the other’s chest. “Mirio...! P...people are gonna stare!” The warm feeling of lips on his temple is not unwelcome, and Deku can’t help but simply melt into his hold after that. He was...arguably warm. And comfortable.

As always.

Momo was a little bewildered by the drama, but was thankful for Shinso’s presence. She stares at his hand for a moment and instead intertwines her arm with his. “Thank you, Shinsou-san. I would love to!”

Shinso smiled and took Momo to the dining room. He pulled out the chair for her so she could sit down and then sat beside her. “What were you all planing on getting? Everything looks so good.”

Momo feels herself blush a little when Shinso pulls out her chair for her, waiting until she takes a seat before he sits beside her. He’s such a gentleman, and it makes her feel awful for treating him rudely—however briefly—because of his quirk. “I’m not quite sure what I’d like to eat... You’re right, everything looks amazing!” She stops for a moment, taking the time to really look at him, and smiles again. “Thanks for letting me accompany you tonight—really, I’m not sure what I would have done otherwise.”

“It’s no problem. I was just waiting until I saw a familiar face. If you find some friends you want to see them don’t feel bad about going with them, alright? I wouldn’t mind at all.” He looked over the menu they had and picked out his meal. Maybe eating would ease his mind a bit.

“I was... honestly waiting for the same thing,” she admits with a little laugh. “But I really am glad that I ran into you!” Momo’s about to turn her focus onto their menu when she catches a familiar face. “Oh, Tokoyami-san!” She waves at him excitedly, gesturing for him to join their table.

Holding his just-filled plate, Tokoyami was eyeing potential empty spots when Momo caught his attention and motioned him over. He had no reason to say no--besides feeling stupid in his shoes and hat, of course--and thus complied. "Hello, Yaoyorozu-san. It's good to see you," he greeted her. "I apologize for my tardiness this evening."

Shinso smiles at Tokoyami when he sits down. He recognized him, but he didn’t know much about him “Hey, I’m Shinso. You look nice tonight. Have you found anyone else that you know?” Well, for once he was decent at small talk. Imagine that.

"Good to meet your acquaintance, Shinso-kun. I am Tokoyami," he replied taking his seat. "It is difficult to recognize friendly faces  tonight," he admitted, looking around the tables to try and identity the individuals in the room. Some were easy, others more difficult. "Your costumes look good."

"Thank you, your costume looks great as well," Shinso said as he started to eat his own food. It was nice having company now, especially after the issues from the previous event. He wasn't used to being around so many students from 1-A, but they weren't as bad as he originally thought.