#thinking abt expectations vs reality

[flame-cat]

Part 1 (you are here) / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6 / Part 7

Read on Ao3

The thing is, Phil is actually doing alright.

He knows he's trapped, knows most likely no one will come looking for him for a few days at least. He knows he was tricked with the stupidest setup that he should've seen from a mile away (did see and didn't care about the consequences, is never above throwing himself on a sword if it's to save his kids). He knows he has limited food aside from golden apples, that this tiny home was built specifically to taunt him in every way, that he won't be able to tell how much time has passed or if his kids are okay or if anyone is even looking for him.

He knows. And that's exactly why he's doing alright.

Because the thing about torture is that it's scientifically proven not to work. That once you know someone's goal is to break you, it becomes that much easier to resist breaking. He knows what the federation wants- they want him to break down, crying and begging to see his kids again, just so that they can make an offer he won't refuse, so they can use him.

Phil is not only smarter than that, but bigger than that.

He's spent eons with no one but his crows for company. Eons spent idling, no goal in mind except what he gives himself, finding new ways to keep himself occupied. This? This is nothing. Phil is strong. Phil is resilient. Phil is the Angel of Death.

Phil is laying curled up on his side in front of the door.

Moving would take energy. Energy he needs to conserve and use for planning, for keeping sane, for not breaking. He can do all of that from the ground, in the spot the walls are thinnest and he has the greatest chance of hearing any changes from the other side.

(He can't hear anything. Hasn't for the past however long. It's probably been less than an hour, right? He can't have been laying here for hours.)

Phil is listening. He's on his side, breathing evenly, not moving a muscle, because he's listening.

(Just the birds and his own breaths. They still come a little wet, a little hoarse.)

He knows what he's listening for. Fit's smooth baritone, Toby's post-pubescent rasp, Missa's soft worry, even Forever's booming shouts. He can picture them clearly in his mind- picture isn't the right word, but the point is he can practically hear them, sharp and real, right there on the other side of this wall.

They aren't. He knows that. But they will be.

(No one was before, those eons alone. He didn't listen then. He could fly then. Could create. Could explore. Had only himself to worry about besides.)

Phil has his eyes closed. He doesn't sleep, doesn't dream. He's listening.

He's listening.

He-

"Phil? Phil, are you in there? Phil!"

He can hear them!

Of course. Of course, all he had to do was wait, he can open his mouth and shout to them now, he...

Phil is...

Phil is not opening his mouth.

Why? Why isn't he shouting? Why isn't he moving?

"Phil...?"

He's here. He's right here. Please, come on, he's right here!

"Did you find something?"

"No... I don't think so, sorry."

HE'S RIGHT HERE! PHIL IS HERE, PLEASE, LISTEN! HE'S HERE!

"Let's move on."

Phil is jolting awake.

His heart is beating. His lungs are heaving. His eyes are open. His mouth too.

Ah. Better stop screaming.

Better breathe slower too.

He is. Phil is breathing slower. He is. He is.

(Phil is sobbing.)

Phil is doing alright.

(Phil is being stupid. Has been nothing but stupid for the past two weeks- the first when he left, the second when he didn't find his children faster.)

He's alright.

(He's useless.)

He's alright.

(He's weak.)

He's alright.

(He's breaking.)

[mars-ipan]

hey folks did you know i love super dangan ronpa 2

[yj-98]

i think that if anyone was gonna write "angst" abt tim and being bi/coming out it should be about how jack drake died before tim could tell him. that despite the complicated relationship he had with a parent who wouldve, couldve, been horrible about it, tim never got the choice to tell him (or janet. i love you janet i know you wouldve supported your little guy)

like. the evidence that your parent would react horribly but the need for them to accept you and jack drake who's primary way of bonding with his kid was trying to make him a mans man (but not That kind. yk.) and clearly expected tim to be cisheterosexual vs the reality of a bisexual kid who has a lot of stake in identities and disguises. and like. jack had to grapple with the fact that tim was robin (famously.) but like

idk sorry i just think it would eat at tim. like. part of the guilt of losing the parent you have this complicated relationship with would also be tied to the "they never really knew me, they didnt get the chance or give me the space to tell them" and feeling guilty and sad that you Couldnt come out. and Not Knowing howd they wouldve reacted. and how that could tie to real internalized bullshit! because that is also an lgbt experience! especially with parent death!

[determinate-negation]

this is probably a stupid question, but idk who or where else to ask: for the white supremacist/neo-nazi hijackers trying to use the palestinian liberation movement to spread antisemitism, isnt it kind of counterintuitive to call for the end of a state that's given the West so much power over the Middle East? i forgot the name of the specific neo-nazi im thinking abt, but it was wild seeing him say shit like "decolonize" and other terms like that when talking abt palestine and i cant rlly wrap my head around it still. i get that none of these guys have any thinking that's based in reality, so ig i cant expect consistency in the shit they spew, but it's so strange! im probably missing something, and i figured u or someone else seeing this ask might be more knowledgeable ;0;

difference between the ideology of liberal imperialists vs fascist imperialists. right wingers often have a foreign policy stance of isolationism. a historical example is the nationalist and isolationist america first movement in the us. but thats not really the main thing, that just part of it.

the main thing is they are just saying this to alter the appearance of their ideology to infiltrate. theyll drop it as soon as it stops being useful. fascism is an amalgamation of slogans, symbols, and eclectic beliefs that get changed depending on the purpose. lectures on fascism by palmiro togliatti talks about this

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

HI HI HI IM IN UR INBOX :]]]] nothing in particular to say just hiii how was yr dayyy i hope it was good ^__^ also. blank check for u to talk abt evildead ive been thinking abt them so so so much today..... emo kids union..... if u can talk abt post s2 without spoilers. ive been particularly thinking abt their dynamic immediately post s2/post trickster & whatever crazy wiwi shit happens.....👀👀👀

OH FUCK WHO PUT THIS HOLE IN MY WALL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hiiiiiiiii i am !! good. thank guns its friday or however that tubbobot post goes. im on my weekend and i have NO PLANS which means NOBODY is expecting anything of me for two whole days i can do whatever i want. fuck yeah. im vaguely watching pro wrestling event rn to keep up with my dads texts (he gets rly excited abt pro wrestling and its become a bonding experience from us bc my mom and brother do not put up with it) so like. watching sweaty guys beat each other up on live tv. cool . awesome. OH WAIT ALSO SPEAKING OF KITTIES. NEW KITTEN PICS FROM MY MOM HOT OFF THE PRESSES.

anywayyyyyyyy evildead... god.... theyre like alec and aisha to me (only sayign this bc theyre fresh in my mind). not necessarily romantic not necessarily platonic but a secret third thing. weird ass freaky emo kids that are kind of scary to anyone from an outside POV but are in reality deeply traumatized by their respective creepy aspects (ghost and demon). they areeeee so similar in so many ways but also couldnt be more different. but they understand each other better than any of the others could. going off of that thing about horror movies i posted earlier i think they give each other the worlds most misguided attempt at fucked up exposure therapy by watching the horror movies they dont like together. and it never ends well but they keep doing it and its like. a weird proabably unhealthy bonding experience. they go to concerts together this is so important to me. and its a lot and its overwhelming and sometimes they have to leave early because the loud noises and crowds are too much but they each have their little signals where the other can be like "ok lets get out of here" and they still have so much fun. and maybe they have to cry on the sidewalk outside in the cold before they either go back inside or give up and leave but they still have fun regardless. theyre messy and weird and freaks and they talk about things that would probably give other people nightmares but theyre so chill about it. i cant say much more abt specifics yet but . they have conversations like "do you wanna know what it felt like" (<< william referring to getting cut in half) and "i know its not real but i can still hear his voice in my head sometimes" (<< ashe referring to the trickster) and those conversations will come out of left field while theyre doing something completely unrelated but they always talk about it . i think they hurt each other more than they mean to but theyre inseparable regardless. "i know what raw meat tastes like now" vs "one time i found maggots under my skin" . i have really specific and unhealthy thoughts about evildead in my mind all the time.

[gh0st-patr0l]

Okay like 2 people interacted thats enough. My NSFW Darby hcs r below the readmore enter at ur own risk

(Obligatory disclaimer that this is abt the character portrayed on aew, fiction vs reality, etc and so forth)

First of all- Believe it or not he doesn't have like the Healthiest situation in regards 2 sex/hookups

Essentially I looked at the Crazy sexual tension and obsessiveness he works into every feud and went yea. This guy gets weird specifically abt people who hate his fucking guts

To do a bit of fictional psychoanalysis, I think it comes down to him not being able to trust and be vulnerable towards others in an honest, emotionally intimate sense.

The mentality I picture is like... if he fucks the guy he knows hates him and just wants to use him, then he knows for sure what to expect. He's gonna get hurt and have his control taken and be left alone at the end of it, but that's certainty. As opposed to trying to genuinely form a healthy relationship with someone, which is a minefield of what-ifs and trusfalls that he sees as far more frightening

Essentially, stalking and harassing a guy in2 hatefucking him feels more comfortable to him because he knows what he's gonna get, and there's no concern about how they might actually feel about him.

There's probably more there 2 dig into but this is supposed to be hot so lets talk abt something more fun!!!

Personally I've always read him as a total sub. He's a fuckin maniac in terms of energy, and likes someone who can take whatever he throws out and turn it on him. A lot of the time he's just got so much buzzing inside him, he needs a wall to throw himself at until he wears himself out.

This motherfucker Loves bondage. Idk if you've ever seen him in tag matches but the way he hops around on the apron and chews on the tag rope and shit?? He LOVES being held down and getting to struggle against it.

Honestly, with that and all the BDSM shit, it's about being taken care of. He's always forcing himself to be independent and not let anyone in or see him weak. He can't bring himself to hand that control over willingly- he needs it to be taken from him.

U know that post thats like. Submissive but like how a guard dog is submissive. Yea. Put a collar on that boy

You can dominate him but you can never Not expect him to bite back and try to trip you up the whole time. Again, he likes the challenge- he's a total brat.

He loves degredation and s/m shit, but he's secretly also got a massive praise kink that he refuses 2 engage with. (Unless? 👀)

As for kinks, he's into all the basic bdsm stuff like impact play and breathplay, but he also likes all kinds of weird violent shit- knives and weapons, fire, blood. And even if he's not specifically into it, there's not much he won't try

((Skategoat sidenote: I think part of why he and Jack work 2gether so well is that Jack usually gets to dom. After so long of being controlled and having choices made for him and being used, getting to be in the driver's seat for someone else makes him feel empowered and secure in a way he usually isn't))

Anyway thats it for now ig. Reply with thoughts if u are epic and based 🙏

[ebbywaffle]

so i don't really talk about what i dub as Da Babby Ships(tm) in this fandom because 1)the older i get the less i focus on romantic ships between teens and 2) frankly all of yall(on both sides) scare me

but i wanna talk abt this constant belief that Kairi never wants Sora to change or is clinging to a past Sora. and i can see why ppl believe that when there's lines like this

she's also said her famous/infamous "never change" thing. but hold on! let's look at the context for this line.

in this scene she is not talking to Sora like the aforementioned famous line. she's using letters to Sora as a journal of sorts.

now it'd be great if we could have a conversation that this kid finds it easier to sort out her feelings on paper to a friend she won't send the letter to. (like it's a normal thing to do. i mean it is, a lot of people find it easier to journal this way, but it also isn't lol even Lea was like 'uh, ok kid') but Kairi literally has said this kinda thing to Sora's face. if this is something she truly believes she'd just say so. however the next time she sees the guy she says

that's...not the lines i'd expect from a character that doesn't want the other to change at all from the trials they are about to face. it sounds like to me that even if he does change, she still wants to be there for him. she doesn't say she wants to marry him, have kids with a white picket fence. she doesn't say 'stay babby Sora forever'. she just wants to keep him literally (not just figuratively) safe in battle. (and she technically does the second time around anyways)

there are many ways to interpret these scenes, but what frustrates me is that very few wanna focus more on the individual characters and instead use them as talking points against ~certain~ ships/shippers. let's go old school reading comp here: why is she using letters to sort out her feelings to an imaginary Sora? what does she expect from their relationship/friendship? what could have happened to make her want to write this stuff down in the first place? *coughit was COMcough* why didn't she just tell him not to change again when she had the chance?

sometimes these made-up people have a better grasp of what is fiction vs what is reality than us fans do because ofc she wouldn't say that 'never change' stuff to Sora again. she's matured! she went to school for an entire year without her closest buds :( so she had the chance to learn history!! ofc battle changes people especially when you're up against one of the most manipulative assholes ever!!!

but she still wants to be there for him. the real him, not some letter-version or past version. no matter what. i think that matters more than her supposed clinging to nostalgia

[corfisers]

Your post abt # instances of yashiro perceived rejection Vs # of times where yashiro says "don't look/stop looking at me/look elsewhere".

Which one is more recurring, in your opinion?

rejection, i think. that's the short and simple answer. i didn't go through the entirety of saezuru again to do the math, this is just based on what i remember and only counting rejection from doumeki, which i assume is what you are asking about

aaand under read more is the unreasonably long answer and tangential blabbering on the topic that nobody asked for

initially i was going to reply differently. the thing is, "don't look at me" moments jump out more because they are unique to his relationship with doumeki (which is what both the story and the readers tend to focus on the most) and it's yashiro actually having a reaction and vocalizing his feelings. an uncharacteristically strong and sincere reaction in some cases. there's irony to it too, because one of the first things yashiro notices about doumeki is that he has nice eyes. he likes how he "looks down on him", at least while he can still pretend that that's what's going on (we all know doumeki never actually had any contempt for him at the start, misumi notices how smitten he is back in the first chapter, everyone else quickly figures out what's up as well. yashiro just assumed the worst and tried to project kageyama onto doumeki, and he recognizes and admits it later). he's fine with doumeki watching him have sex with other men or masturbate, but the moment he's looking at him when he's vulnerable or can't keep up the facade, he can't handle it. he doesn't want to be perceived, it's scary and unfamiliar, nobody looked at him the same way doumeki does. the intensity of yashiro's reactions to it and how significant those moments are go hand in hand with the overall progression of their relationship, and it all eventually leads to the worst one out of all of them: yashiro crying and telling doumeki not to look, just like aoi did. that one hurts, that one sticks with you, that's the one doumeki thinks back on

rejection, on the other hand, is quiet. there's no strong reaction, all you get in most cases is a slight change in yashiro's facial expression and some internal monologue. some of those moments don't stick out as much, they aren't as memorable or noticeable (chapter 23 is an obvious exception, but that's a whole separate conversation and i'm not counting it here). rejection is something he's used to and has been dealing with since childhood. first his mother, then kageyama. repeatedly. and there's some comfort in being rejected and left behind, even relief. i'm projecting a bit and speaking from personal experience, but after a certain point it does feel easier to simply give up on things, assume the worst in every situation and just be alone. can't be disappointed if you didn't expect anything in the first place. yashiro liked the fact that doumeki was impotent for a reason

it's not just with doumeki either. yashiro often talks about how much people probably hate him or how disgusted they are. in some cases he's right, hirata exists after all. in others he's completely wrong, like with ryuzaki. not that the bastard made his feelings obvious at any point (the nicest thing that yashiro actually knows of was that damn washcloth), but both doumeki and nanahara managed to notice, so there's that. either way, there's some form of rejection, assumed or otherwise, throughout the entire story, from different characters, to varying degrees, but it's not as... loud, i guess? as "don't look at me" moments. it also often gets overshadowed by doumeki's feelings and how he deals with being rejected, at least to me, but again, that's a whole other conversation

all that to say, if you go through each chapter and actually count, i think you'd get more instances of rejection, they are just more subtle. it's the norm, it's the unfortunate reality that you get accustomed to, especially if you happen to be Not Straight and exist in a predominantly cishet space with a bunch of homophobic men in it. there's not much else you can do aside from learning to be hated and rejected and looked down upon and continuing living despite it. meeting someone who actually wants to be with you, who sees you as person and not an object, after all these years of suffering and resignation and plain surviving, is scary and disorienting. i think the ways yashiro deals with being perceived vs being rejected reflects this experience, but again, i might be projecting

anyways, if you somehow got through all this - thank you for coming to my ted talk, hopefully you found at least some of this interesting or entertaining and didn't just waste your time!

[zentriii]

omg…mikashou analysis………tell me more…….

mikashou my belovedss <3

woaw this got long, i have a Lot to say tho tbh i could always say More,,,

this started with me thinking abt their relationship in canon, and how little we see of it but how much is implied. like, i think they're adorable but to be clear i'm staying firmly pre-timeskip canon here lol

it's basically a non-linear exploration of how they got together and how they fell apart?? like in canon we see them as exes with a healthy/friendly relationship and i wanted to poke around more with that and the fractures in their romantic relationship >:3c

why'd they break up? how much into that can i dig? what other contributing factors are likely to have been there that weren't mentioned? how do those factors influence their developing high school relationship? how much does the little we have on their personalities affect whatever situations i put them in?

i suppose it's just about growing up and maturing, about expectations vs reality, about relationships [of all sorts] and finding ones that make you happy + that you're at peace with – tricky as that is.

oh and here's your snippet [from one of their first dates]:

“Boo!” Mika claps Daishou’s back lightly. He jumps a little and spins towards her. It’s a shame – she would’ve liked to feel his back for a little longer. “Yamaka-chan, when did you get here?” he asks, opening his arms shyly for a hug. She doesn’t hesitate to snuggle right into him; she’ll get him used to hugging her one day. Mika briefly imagines Daishou greeting her with wide opens arms. Neither of them are quite that bold – but it would be nice. “Just a moment ago, I didn’t want to interrupt.” She smiles sweetly, thinking about the way that girl got her worked up over nothing. She wants to complain, to tell him that she’s the only one allowed to flirt with him, to be in his space, but she doesn’t. Mika doesn’t have the right to claim him for herself yet despite how much she wishes she could. It’s fine. She’ll take all that Daishou’s willing to give her. “Nah, you wouldn’t be. She was just a bit lost.” Daishou’s words don’t change Mika’s feelings in the slightest. Shouldn’t it have? “Come on, let’s go this way.” He leads her off to the start of their date. She manages to stop thinking about that other girl, somewhere in his excited smiles.

ask game post

[nothums-from-tj]

Hi it’s like 2 in the morning so here’s a little VelMarcie ramble I wanted to get out

Ok so. SDMI post-reality switch right I haven’t seen many people toying w the idea of Velma being more confused than having a full-blown breakdown when seeing Marcie again bc she didn’t really get the chance for her death to even settle in

Like she’s obviously upset when she sees her I just like to think that the “that’s my girl” scene is literal minutes after being reunited rather than the day/week or something following, especially considering the drastically different thoughts/feelings they’d be having: Velma’s tearful “I’m so thankful and excited that you’re safe and alive and safe and alive and I can see and hold you again and get closer to you and make up for everything that’s happened I’m so sorry” vs Marcie’s casual “oh hey babe there you are you ready to work on our science fair project together” y’know

They’ve also seemed to be dating a while in this reality when in their original Velma never even got the chance to confess, so I also like to entertain the thought of Velma running into her arms in tears rambling about Marcie being ok and how she thought she’d never see her again and she’s so sorry about everything and Marcie just pulls her back gently to give her a peck on the lips so now Velma goes Still As Stone internally screaming about the fact that Marcie Fleach just Kissed Her On The Mouth bc that was the last thing she was expecting—not to say it was unwanted

So now V’s successfully stopped her rambling and Marcie could only assume maybe she had a nightmare or something the night before and now seeing Velma still and flustered at supposedly their usual greeting she says something along the lines of “wow haha you ok hon???” and “I haven’t seen you like that since our first kiss” and Velma doesn’t know how to handle that either

Eventually I do think she’d have her breakdown however so soon after the death when she wasn’t even “allowed” to register it and the only other someone who knew was Scooby, at the very least he was the only one to see if Velma was ok after hearing the gunshots, she’s just never really got the chance to grieve between that and then suddenly seeing Marcie alive and well again after everything. Already the only people who could tell the rest of the gang about Marcie by that point was either Velma or Scooby and I’d really love to play with that notion at some point, along with the gang finding out abt Velma liking Marcie and/or them dating in this reality

(Btw if anyone writes anything to do w this here PLEASE tag/share it w me I’d love to see it, you don’t have to do anything w this info of course)

[etoile-gracieuse]

im so sorry yall im regressing into all sorts of old obsessions these days.

just saw a post talking abt why dex (and jack at one point) from check please would be banned from aux at parties (im not reblogging bc it is from 2020 and i dont want to argue with anyone i just want to explain why im right LMAO) and all of the reasons they gave were. What. i had a haus of my own, only for a significantly larger team (track not hockey), and i know my experience is not universal and there's definitely someone out there who Also had a team and a team house w big parties that disagrees w everything i say etc etc but like. it is so odd to see people's ideas abt how that goes when it's the complete opposite of my experience

me rambling abt expectations vs reality for music at parties hosted by doofus athletes for doofus athletes below the cut with a short aside about how canon's housing is deeply confusing to me

it's not just party music assumptions that confuse me, it's on all sorts of levels, like the haus being their only team related off campus space. we had... 11?? off campus houses?? and even if you narrow it down to just houses w mens distance runners in it (approx the same number of people as umich's hockey team rosters) then we had 5 houses plus underclassmen in dorms. like the math is not mathing if there's just the 3 bedroom plus attic haus. what 21/22 year old is choosing to live in a traditional dorm. there's just no way your options as an upperclassman are "be lucky enough to be one of Maybe 6 that can squeeze in if several people share rooms" or "live in dorms. hopefully you get a single" when theoretically they should be averaging like 6.5 people per class year. not the point, a gripe i have w canon really anyways, whatever.

but the collective sense of what goes for party music... i get that the canon era is like 2013 to 2018 or so but like i have met some of our class of 2018 alumni. and i feel preeetty confident in saying the below was also true then.

'he would play come on eileen [and get banned]' - im sorry but that was played at LEAST once per party at my athlete frat house, how is that an aux-bannable offense

"they would be like 'we want party music not sea shanties'" - shipping up to boston is a Thing (capital T deserved). and rattlin bog. do you know how many drinks i have finished while listening to/playing rattlin bog. that is a classic drinking game (i double checked to make sure this wasnt invented like right before i hit college or smthn and found a tweet referencing it from 2014). also we did actually several sea shanties at a st pattys party (our aux guy did have to be bullied into it. worth it) though i would not say that that one's a universal experience.

"this absolute ding dong [jack] says 'i like carrie underwood' and is never asked for his input again" - you're telling me you haven't gotten down in a house full of stolen signs that is falling apart at the seams to before he cheats???? i have watched 22 year old 6'7" men stand on tables and truly Perform their hearts out to this song and you're telling me that holster wouldn't pull that shit?

"plays country and gets banned" - see: before he cheats. but also our most popular party theme (aside from disco i think) was farm party. we had hay bales and apple bobbing. our number of international harvester streams hit double digits before midnight. i did not go to college in the south, or in the middle of nowhere, or any of that. even city kids like to get drunk in overalls and cowboy hats singing about farmers' daughters sometimes

"he just plays dad rock" - i think once again people underestimate how hard college kids go for shit like that when theyre drunk. i have watched people pole dance around a basement support beam to billy joel and bruce springsteen before (admittedly not super frequently but also often enough that i think i have 2-3 videos of it happening). ok actually im looking at a dad rock list and. what do you mean people havent danced to queen at parties. or the killers? or the fratellis? no chelsea dagger or henrietta? no american pie at 2am when youre so tired you can hardly keep your eyes open but youre leaning on your friends and swaying enough to call it dancing so it's ok?? no the boys are back in town???

[cruelsister-moved2]

Im the hater anon omg i didnt mean to lead u astray but i haven't finished it i'm just over half done. i probably will finish just so i can coherently say why i don't like it bc rn my thoughts are all over the place but  u hit all the major points im like nodding and taking notes rn.  Its very shallow lore wise like its all overly complex exposition that barely effects the plot. I could write about this for 100 years but basically it was boring and i just feel like it has nothing to say like theres no purpose or message and i think speculative stuff should have SOME weight behind it idk.  That paired w how the writing itself is like..not pretty or artful or anything………………….

And on top of that its not even actually funny. Instead of real jokes its just 100 million mcu quips awkwardly inserted so that no situation is ever treated genuinely or seriously or with depth. For example. My personal least favorite part beyond general quality so far is how often they bring up gideon being inappropriately horny… idk how else to word it.. Its one of her 3 personality traits. they mention her porn collection i swear every couple of pages. its played 4 jokes but like the rest of it its literally unfunny and feels so out of place. Like this is right when they just discovered an incinerated body → ”she looked troubled, which made Gideon sad, but she was also soaked right through to the skin, which made Gideon need a lie-down.” Its like if someone whose only point of reference was tiktok during that era where every vaguely masc woman got made fun of for being a quote hey mamas lesbian unquote tried to write a masc woman.  Reading it as a masc lesbian myself is just sort of embarrassing idk if other ppl feel differently but it just feels overplayed and goofy. 

Anyways… this is all very long and incoherent but thank u for complaining and vindicating me… i started reading it a couple days ago on a whim bc ive been seeing ppl talk abt it a lot lately and i was instantly SOOOOO disappointed. Part of it was definitely that i was expecting something very different because of how people talk about it but also its just like bad. Its insane. I also had no idea abt the roachpatrol thing so ummmmmm :(

hiiiiiiiiii omg so your suffering isn't even over yet my condolences.

the worldbuilding exposition industrial complex needs to end im so serious. I just had such a nice conversation with some writer friends about soft vs hard magic systems and world-building and how frustratingly common the assumption that more complex lore you dump the more sophisticated your story is at the moment. in reality many more sophisticated stories deliberately utilise abstraction and whimsy for thematic statements. v happy for brandon sanderson fans but again, a lot of those stories are basically like mystery novels except the magic is the mystery, whereas the speculative fiction authors who... actually speculate...are often using it as a tool to speculate about our own existence.

and the writing is so ugly like I've read a couple of chapters and I feel like i could get through a mid story if it's at least well written but it wasn't even inoffensive it was actively offputting like that prose was stinkyyyyyyyyy..... and the quips exactlyyy like who is laughing at none pizza with left beef anymore and the fact a lot of it isn't even the author being witty but just like. a reference to a meme? it's literally supposed to be like gritty but then everyone is memeing and quipping all the time how are you meant to take that seriously?

and okay the like sexualisation of Gideon had kind of been my suspicion but I hadn't read enough to make that claim for certain so. that's disappointing to have it confirmed. given that the author is a fem woman who calls herself a lesbian whilst being homestuck married to a guy, it really brings up some kind of discomfort in me to be using masc women that way and making a joke out of them and their sexuality and calling them himbos and shit like. it really doesn't seem like she actually knows any masc women??? and when that was a huge part of the marketing for the book it comes to feel exploitative.

one thing to be aware is that tor like. pushed it really hard marketing-wise for whatever reason. I guess they feel it symbolises a new era of sci-fi and like were using it as an outreach effort to engage the generation that mostly only reads fan fiction or whatever which I guess cheers if it achieves that. but the majority of negative reviews are specifically that it was nothing like what they expected it to be, because of the.... super gimmicky marketing.

the tagline being sword necromancer lesbians in space or something so lame 😭 and it really seems like the elements came first and the justification came second so it's never really explained why they use swords instead of more technologically advanced weapons (bc the answer is 'it sounds cool') or really why it needs to be in space at all (because the answer is 'it sounds cool'). even the necromancy is supposedly fairly tangential and ive seen people be underwhelmed how much actual lesbianism is involved too 💀

9mbut yeah the r0ach patr0l thing I wish people were more aware of because honestly above anything else, I've seen people who were fans and then found this out and felt super uncomfortable so I think people deserve to know what kind of background she has, and this is literally where she developed her writing and her name as a BNF so it's directly connected to her current career not just like a celebrity who tweeted something dumb when they were 14. like I think it's fair to take that into account + idk it's INTERESTING to me that she went from that to debuting with a masc lesbian whom she projects like comic hypersexuality onto it really is all much to think about truly

[koukouture]

Nagisa expectations vs reality

Though, the expectations aren’t completely wrong since his stage persona is literally a god. Hmm, lots of smut potential methinks. I think abt him a normal amount I promise

[vonkarma2]

3, 5, 8, 13, 16 for zeolan for the worldbuilding asks?

3.) any recurring images/elements?

Hmmm this is kind of broad so I’m not totally sure how to interpret it I guess I will go with like. If it was a tv show. What visual motifs or recurring shots would there be. I think if there were constantly shots of Rocio alone like in an empty space that would be kind of funny imagine watching a show and there’s an obvious meta narrative focus on how lonely you are I’d be so mad. That and shots of like her back while she’s reading something or working on something like she’s closed off to the world or whatever. Definitely a lot of contrast of darkness vs light though for sure like places with people in them being associated with yellow/orange light whereas empty places are associated with the dark. 

Also there would probably be many unnecessarily long shots focusing on nature and the environment around the characters bc that’s what I personally like to see 

5.) pick a theme song for the tv adaptation.

life itself glass animals 😞😞😞 rip to the animatic I started in early 2022. theres a whole vision. for variety ill also say the definitive end credits song would be 

8.) what inspired your world building, if anything?

Honestly. Not much lol I feel like a lot of it is just me trying to make something that appeals to me personally just thinking of like aesthetics 

in the extended secret worldbuilding there are some aspects inspired by or influenced by real history. that being said I try not to avoid making that too direct or have it come up too often bc 1) it’s easy to make it extremely tasteless or at least inaccurate/shallow in its portrayal ofc 2) it is ultimately a fantasy world where I wanted to make shit up + have everything be original rather than have like. direct copies of real places + events. I think it’s like background concepts can be to some extent based on reality but specific events are all homebrewed yk

sundown 2020

probably fullmetal alchemist like subconsciously. wrt the magic system not the world itself 

I guess you could say I was inspired by actively trying to go against like. Tolkien esque or popular YA fantasy tropes of the late 2010s early 2020s. Bc a lot of what made me want to make the story in the first place was being tired of and annoyed by the kind of tone that was prevalent in YA fantasy at the time 

I literally CAN’T think of much this is so sad. My worldbuilding is just too original you guys 😔 

no lol but yeah it mostly wasn’t inspired by anything specific which is a shame bc I do think looking at things you were influenced by is pretty fun

they don’t know the wizard system is fully ripped off from how the wings of fire books used animus magic expect it’s learned instead of born 

13.) how long have you been working on this project? what has changed from the outset?

A little over 3 years like since February 2020 :3. I love this question it feels very behind the scenes like Im talking in a documentary.  Mostly the structure of the story has become much more linear when the original was like arcs based if that makes sense? Like episodic even though the episodes were pretty large in scale + theoretical length. Ofc a lot of the characters’ personalities have as well. I think the main focus too like initially it was just for fun but when I first added like a vague general central theme it was a lot abt dissociation from your identity + the weight of living and things like that. Life is hard but it’s worth it <3 And now there’s more focus on the nuances of interpersonal connection and things like that. I do like the original theme though I wouldn’t want to drop that idea entirely even though I’d probably want to have it show up in a more nuanced or subtle way idk 

16.) imagine the entire story takes place but in the meantime the characters all also have tumblr. what kind of (terrible) tumblr posts would happen?

rocio would hate all forms of social media viscerally. if she absolutely has to use it then it’s several thousand word long rants that stay in the drafts for eternity 

cirillo probably the type to just use it as a diary 

angel runs an extremely popular yet controversial fan page for enstars or some shit (<I mean. in universe it would be about 1400s romance novels) but occasionally vagues abt his personal life and everything he says sounds extremely concerning. And then like once he ends up on the news everyone’s like omg… bone stealing witch tier drama 

gloria only posts thirst traps + posts that are like “will be in [x city] tomorrow if anyone wants to meet up 👅” with every location change

[kornelia-yells-in-the-void]

oooh i can weigh in !! so i’m shifting for a villain, and i also scripted out most of the evil stuff he did (not everything, but bear with me)

this is gonna get VERY specific to this one character so if you don’t want to read about Pan from Once Upon a Time, don’t read this lol

anyway

the first impression thing is a very good point. it doesn’t apply to me because my first impression of the character was fanon. Aka it was skewed through a lense of his fans justifying or rewriting his actions or just plain leaving out a lot of things he did in fanfics.

Eventually I ran out of fanfics and watched the original show, which did change my perception but not enough to undo that first impression of him being kinda selfish but also very passionate about people he loves. in canon the positive part basically doesn’t apply unless you’re willing to do a lot of mental gymnastics.

and for me, with my shifting journey and scripts that include him, i really just stuck to my initial impression of him. the one i got from reading fanfics that portrayed him through rose colored glasses essentially.

in canon, he’s a shitty person who abandoned his son for eternal youth, kidnapped his grandson, kidnapped his grandson’s friend and blackmailed the friend’s brothers, tried to kill his great grandson for power & immortality and then later as he was already losing the battle, killed his best friend in a last ditch effort to save himself and kill his enemies with a curse. not a lot of redeemable qualities there on the surface level.

but then if you look closer there’s hints of some better qualities- like the fact that some of his followers were insanely loyal to him (particularly that best friend), that he apparently gave a home to people who felt lost and unloved and that some of them even viewed him like a savior. even years after his canon death, some of his followers remained loyal and stayed *his* followers. sure, that could’ve just been him being manipulative, but it also could’ve been him actually having a good side.

and then there’s the reasons why he did those bad things in canon: grief and self preservation. Obviously, those aren’t excuses for his actions, but it makes sense. And to an extent, I think the reasons make it not as bad. If he wanted immortality just for the sake of it, that’s a different situation than the fact that he didn’t want to die. And yes, he’s selfish, but to an extent I can’t blame him for not wanting to die. Few people would ever be in a situation where either they themself have to die or someone they barely know and then choose to die themself.

those things are what the fanon interpretation was based on and that in turn is what the person i scripted into my dr’s is based on.

another factor that applies more generally to villains and not just him and the way i found out about him specifically, is the psyche of the shifter. this of course also doesn’t apply to every shifter etc.

also i’m going to study psychology soon but i haven’t actually started yet, so don’t expect a very scientific explanation here, i’ll just be yapping abt my theories.

anyway, most villain characters exude power and confidence. a lot of them have sad backstories that involve them being othered in some way or wronged by supposed heroes.

and that feeling of injustice is probably common for a lot of shifters. Because what’s the combing factor between a majority of all shifters? A yearning for a different life.

Maybe because they just want more experiences or maybe because they don’t like their current life. The latter is what I’m trying to get at.

These shifters might relate to such typical villain characters due to that feeling of injustice. “I deserved better” vs “They deserved better.” With villain characters, it can sometimes be very black and white what happened to them (bc in this reality they are just fictional characters or plot devices) vs with the shifters the situations could tend to be more complex, but people often victimise themselves and so from the perspective of the shifter, it’s again comparable to the character.

That establishes that the character has a relatable aspect. And then villainous characters are often as previously mentioned powerful, confident, sassy etc/whatever. People who have been victimised or feel like they have been, might view those traits as desirable, especially if they feel weak or powerless. And even without that, power can be attractive to a lot of people.

the combination of that + the fact that they can just script out the parts they didn’t like can make it pretty logical why people would shift for villains

anyway idk how much sense that made

Possibly mild take but i genuinely don’t understand why some people shift for like actual evil people.

And i don’t mean people who like eventually do change or just happened to live under bad circumstances so they did whack stuff to survive. nah i mean like straight up evil, all they do is spend all their time tryna fuck up people’s lives, and actively enjoy hurting people. Yk, like a racist rat. i mean Imo ur about as good as your worst friend sooooo…🤷‍♀️

Even if you script that they’ve never done bad things you kinda gotta consider that your original first impression of them, which is here in this reality, all you see them be this awful person. So what about that made you wanna shift for someone like that?

There’s bad and then there’s just straight up unredeemable evil.

and icl i do just think it’s pretty privilege tho coz if they were ugly trust nobody would be shifting for them…

anyways actually curious if you have a possible explanation for this wild phenomenon!!

[aberrantparadox]

anyway PLEASE tell me abt your interpretation/headcanons about the Old One, I desire disaster twink cthulu content o_o <- text version of TBH

I didn’t see this and then I was thinking for a long time and forgot but just. I have so many thoughts always that also tie into how I see Wizzy’s magic working? Also ask me ANY question about him always. I always have thoughts.

The big thing is just. The Old One is made of different magic than everyone else, in the most fundamental sense? Most everyone else, even Bartleby, is essentially a piece of one of the many melodies of the Song of Creation (or a remix of pieces, etc. basically, everyone’s their own special song) - that’s basically Canon isn’t it. Except the Old One - he came from before that right? So he’s made of totally different stuff. You can’t sing him into or out of existence or anything, his magic is different than the musimagical nature of. Well. Every being and world (outside of The Nothing - that’s why it could absorb him at all).

I think that’s really, truly, maddeningly isolating. Being the only speaker of a dead language, so to speak, while you have to learn the new language everyone else is speaking in and no one knows yours, would be really isolating, and it’s like that but for the laws of magic and reality. I think it’s traumatizing, and the way he deals with this fundamental difference in his reality vs everyone else’s is that huge huge enormous superiority complex. Everything was fine, until it was erased and replaced with worse versions. I’m not a freak or an isolated hold over from worlds past, I’m the last relic of something greater, etc etc, all that canon shit.

To me he’s sort of tragic though because he was, very genuinely, incredibly mechanically AND magically intelligent (he adapted to whole different style of magic after all) and was probably an incredibly powerful caster. I mean. To ME. He very well could’ve made a world and had it be something beautiful, with more time and practice. I think he could’ve been the man- err, octopus-made god he was trying to be (and kinda was, let’s be real he was like almost there like sooooooo close). But he actively refused to work with others, consider anyone else, and also he did wellllll maybe a liiiiittle experimentation on sentient beings. Because of the trauma and hubris combination. Hes a very Greek tragedy hero, but hey. Someone needs to squeeze him like a wet sponge.

I think the way an octopus has intelligence in different arms manifests with different, overlapping, occasionally contradictory stories and narratives of himself and the world that combine to shape the overall arc of his goals - more than the average person.The Old One is at least eight different Old Ones in a trench coat (not in a system way, it’s all the same person, all have that streak of self-centeredness and deep chasm of isolation), and sometimes the Horrific Monster from the Deep Old One scraps with the Benevolent King of All Worlds, He Who Heals with His Song, The Golden Old One - and so there’s a man who expects the loyalty of subjects like a king while reveling in their terror like a monster, etc. Also, when you’re in a story, everyone else becomes a tool in the narrative. He’s almost genre aware, but he’s mistaken in the thinking he’s the main character (he is to ME….) Maybe this is a common way of thinking, maybe it’s not, but it’s sort of how I picture him.

Also he’s a huge perfectionist, not because he believes his work won’t be good enough, but because he really does just have a deep, genuine appreciation for efficiency. There’s a reason he aligns with Markeybonian culture the way he does. His minimalism in the labs is genuine, and sky city is actually closest to the sort of place he’d prefer to live (but not that close, just…. Closest…)

He’s not only proficient in mapping and altering genomes, but also their counterpart, the component notes of the Song of Creation. To make the World Synthesizer, he was able to successfully document and translate the whole Song of Creation, then get the harmonic registers and melodies key for making a new world, not the whole spiral - but he could’ve made another duplicate Spiral if he wanted.

He only uses he/him because in most cultures that use he/him, that gender is the easiest and most efficient to navigate. In matriarchal societies and languages, The Old One uses she/her. It’s a utility thing. And a power thing.

He wants abs. And hair. He also things that the musimagically-generated physical humanoid form is a stupid artifact of the new world, and doesn’t want hair or abs. It depends on the narrative <3 there’s lots of genuine inner conflict there. He is not immune to being influenced by the stories and cultures of others.

I’ll probably fill way more books when I actually REACH Karamelle-