#thinking about how worried he was for her in e11 when she was a little too willing to put herself on the line for strangers

[llamahearted]

just a conversation I think milly and wolfwood would have, had they been given the time or space for it

[jess-rewatches-prodigalson]

You Can Run... (S2, E11)

My time-stamped thoughts for this episode are below. As always I reference Malcolm’s mental health. A lot. So if that’s going to be a trigger for you, don’t keep reading.

SPOILERS AHEAD:

0:03 - Baby!Malcolm and baby!Ainsley playing together is so cute. <3 

0:05 - Malcolm is playing with Batman (the hero) and Ainsley is playing with the Joker (the villain). But Ainsley wants to play with Batman. Coincidence? Foreshadowing? I’m torn. 

0:20 - ....I can’t tell if this is regular “kid fake crying to get sibling in trouble”, “bad fake crying because kid actors are still just kids who are learning”,  or “Ainsley is a psychopath and she’s never been able to cry properly fake crying”.

0:50 - “I’d much rather stay at home with my favourite guy.” UgH. Excuse me while I cry myself to sleep. No wonder Malcolm has so many Daddy issues. This broke my heart. Malcolm clearly idolized Martin. Martin was his hero. :( 

1:35 - “Where are you? Talk to me.” This hurts because it makes sense. Malcolm’s one constant in life was his father’s voice. For better or for worse. It reminds me of anxiety disorders/depression. Part of you doesn’t want to heal. You don’t know what to do without the pain and fear. You don’t know who you’d be. The unknown is scarier than the pain and misery. That’s Malcolm right now. He knows Martin is bad for his mental health but he’s afraid to lose Martin because without Martin’s voice Malcolm has no idea who he is. 

1:55 - I can’t decide if I love or hate Ruiz. She’s really combative? Like Malcolm didn’t say “You’re here to take over” aggressively. At all. I respect the hell out of her for being a total badass and good at her job....but she’s also kind of verbally aggressive? And pretending she doesn’t know Martin is Malcolm’s father? Like - I know she was probably trying to break the ice but it was really unprofessional and kind of a dick move? IDK something about Ruiz just kind of rubs me the wrong way (no this isn’t sexism. I’m a woman working in a male-dominated field. I respect the hell out of career-driven women. This is purely just something about her personality that bothers me.)

2:41 - Oh yeah. Gil did not like the joke about Ruiz not knowing The Surgeon = Malcolm’s father. Look at Gil. He’s annoyed but he’s also worried af about what that little comment did to his already mentally fragile profiler. 

3:22 - Just how many times has Malcolm played that voicemail since the end of 2x10? It looks like Gil’s already heard it. Dani’s probably heard it. How many times did Malcolm listen to it - desperately searching for clues? This is not good for Malcolm’s mental health. He needs a hug - not to listen to his manipulative serial killer father on repeat (although, that’s kind of the show isn’t it?). Also, where’s the “we’re the same” part of the message? Did Malcolm delete the end of the message? Maybe so he doesn’t become a suspect? 

3:32 - Look at how utterly furious and concerned Gil is. Guys. Guys. Papa!Gil is BACK. <3 <3 <3 <3 Oh how I’ve missed him. Seriously though, Gil looks absolutely livid (at Martin) because he can see how upset Malcolm is and he knows it’s all Martin’s fault. Plus the concerned looks he keeps shooting at Malcolm? <3 My heart <3 

3:39 - “Of course not.” LIAR. I truly believe this episode is an excellent example of a character “knowing something as fact in their heads but feels the opposite way in their hearts”. Malcolm is still a little boy desperate for his father’s love. Problem is, Malcolm is also a highly educated adult man who knows that his father is incapable of truly caring about him. 

3:55 - Gil watching Malcolm’s hand shake. <3 I have no words. Gil looks so concerned. We’re getting so close to a full Malcolm breakdown and I’m here for it. If we get a full on intervention and/or hospital scene I will be the happiest person alive. 

4:15 - A couple of things 1) look at how Capshaw is glancing around the room when Gil, Malcolm, and Jessica are talking about how Daryl tried to kill Jessica. Capshaw is showing equal amounts of disdain, envy, and guilt. 2) Gil making a joke just to make Jessica and Malcolm smile is the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. Gil is single handedly, emotionally, holding these two together and it’s the content I’ve been desperate for. 

4:42 - <3 <3 My heart is melting. <3 Gil’s little smile when he looks at the picture of baby!Malcolm and baby!Ainsley. Look me in the eyes and tell me Gil isn’t their dad. I’ll fight you. 

4:50 - “All the kooks will come out. I know the drill.” Poor Jessica. She’s really been through a lot of crap. :( 

4:55 - Did Gil shoot Capshaw that suspicious look because he was about to show blatant physical affection to Jessica or because he suspects Capshaw knows something about Martin? Maybe both?

5:00 - Sooooo Gil and Jessica just flirt openly in front of Malcolm now? ....Look at Malcolm’s reaction to their little moment. That boy has heart eyes. <3 Forget Brightwell - Gillica is the ship I will die on. 

5:50 - I promise you. Jessica’s eye roll+huff when Malcolm says he’s going to stay with Capshaw for a minutes is defensive. She’s knows that Malcolm is trying to get information that will help recapture Martin. But right now? She just wants a hug from her son. She wants to keep him in her sight; where she knows he’s safe. 

6:12 - soooooo Capshaw is definitely a psychopath and she’s 100% acting in this scene. Look at her. She’s angry but she’s trying to act calm. She’s trying to justify everything she did but it never quite connects. She’s just a little bit....something. Vacant? Insincere? Malcolm seems to believe her though...because she told him exactly what she knew he would sympathize and empathize with...the next two episodes are going to be incredible. 

7:00 - Damn. Malcolm looks so destroyed in this scene. He looks scared, sad, angry. This boy is riding an emotional elevator that only goes down. I’m just waiting for it to hit the ground. 

7:14 - This is fake. Capshaw’s “crying” here? How completely put together she seems? Fake. She’s trying to act distraught and guilt-ridden but she just seems too put together and angry to make it believable. 

7:25 - How much do you want to bet that Capshaw is either 1) after Martin because one of her family members was killed by the Surgeon, 2) some sort of already established serial killer/psychopath who thinks killing the Surgeon will make her a serial killer legend?

7:30 - Malcolm being kind is everything. <3 Ugh. This little cinnamon roll is such a sweetheart. <3 

8:12 - I’m on Malcolm’s side. Ainsley can’t think about work? Bullshit. Ainsley is somehow in on this whole thing. Istg.

8:21 - “Dad is out there and I don’t know. I’m just not okay.” ....this whole exchange between Ainsley and Malcolm felt forced? Like Ainsley is really off here. It seems out of character that Ainsley would admit that she’s not okay so calmly. She’s too passionate (generally speaking) to just be this calm right now. 

8:24 - Ainsley is way too calm for the daughter of an escaped serial killer. Malcolm looks utterly terrified. Ainsley just looks....indifferent. Sure, maybe she’s processing things different or she’s in some state of shock but I find it unlikely. 

8:41 - Awwww. Looks like Gil let a Whitly near his car. <3

8:51 - Awwwww...Malcolm literally jumping into the ambulance is adorable. <3

9:00 - “So it’s official. The Surgeon’s killing again.” THE LOOK. The look that JT, Dani, and Gil exchange everything to me. It’s concern. For Malcolm. For what they know this is doing to him. It’s fear. For what may happen next. 

9:19 - “Dude.” Some people think JT is being a dick to Malcolm here. I disagree. Sure, it’s not what Malcolm wanted (or needed) to hear. BUT the way I interpreted that ‘dude’: JT is concerned about Malcolm. JT knows that Malcolm is having a hard time right now and JT is worried that Malcolm is reverting back to ‘scared little boy who doesn’t want to believe his dad is a killer’ instead of his usual ‘profiler-mode’. I don’t think JT is upset with Malcolm. I think this is JT acting like Malcolm’s big brother. 

9:26 - “I’m not saying I believe it. But I’m sure he believes it.” Gil isn’t buying that. Look at his face. Gil knows Malcolm is struggling to separate his complex feelings about Martin ‘Dad’ Whitly and Matrin ‘the Surgeon’ Whitly.

9:33 - Again. The phrasing here may have been a little blunt but I think this is JT trying to remind Malcolm that his dad is a monster who doesn’t love him. It’s not a pleasant thing but it is a reminder that Malcolm needed to continue working the case effectively. 

9:38 - JT and Dani exchanging looks of concern when Malcolm raises his voice (and again when Gil sends them to canvas the area for missing cars) <3 WHERE IS MY INTERVENTION?!!? <3

10:01 - “You think I’ve lost it.” :( This breaks my heart. It’s not enough that Malcolm has been on a downward mental health spiral this whole season. Now, Martin escapes and Malcolm is so fragile that he can’t tell the difference between concern and disapproval. He genuinely can’t see that Gil, Dani, and JT are concerned about him. He’s interpreting their concern as distrust and disapproval. :( 

10:30 - .....where’s Gil’s car? Did he leave it with Dani and JT? 

10:45 - “He lived here with my mother before I was born.” Excuse me? What? My brain is short circuiting. I want more details. I find this information utterly fascinating. Were Jessica’s parents alive? Is it a Milton family home or did Jessica and/or Martin buy it themselves?

10:51 - “If my father was a serial killer I may have fortified my house a little better.” .....no. This felt wrong. I don’t like that Gil said this. Why would Malcolm fortify the house more? Martin was literally chained to a wall. PLUS Gil’s been to Malcolm’s place before. If Gil (the cop) was concerned about safety he would’ve said something to Malcolm about it before now. 

11:44 - I want to punch that US Marshall in the face. Don’t you dare suggest that Malcolm should’ve seen this coming or that he has anything to do with Martin’s escape. I also love this interaction. It really shows the story of Malcolm’s life: his colleagues don’t trust him because of who his father is. Malcolm’s skill is never enough for the cops/FBI/law enforcement to trust him because Martin is a serial killer. Shouldn’t it count for something that Malcolm is the one who turned Martin over to the cops AS A 10 YEAR OLD? ALSO - WTF did Malcolm have ammo for his antique weapons??!?!?

11:54 - Look at Dani and JT. They look ashamed and concerned. Almost as if they just realized that they’re the only ones in the precinct (other than Gil) who have ever given Malcolm a chance. 

12:02 - The hand tremor <3 Damn. Someone hug him. He is so close to a full mental breakdown. I can’t wait. 

12:17 - “I’m not fine.” I. Am. So. Proud. Our broken boy just told the truth about his mental state. Look at Dani. She’s shocked and she’s more concerned than ever. Malcolm admitting he’s not fine means he’s really really not fine. This is bad. Malcolm is going to lose it soon. 

12:35 - “You were in control” I understand why that would be comforting for Malcolm. HOWEVER, when it’s said like that Malcolm probably draws the parallel between himself and Martin (the manipulative control freak). :(

12:55 - Malcolm expressing his self doubt is shattering. He’s being so vulnerable with Dani right now and I don’t even care about the Brightwell ship at the moment - I’m just proud of him for opening up to someone. 

13:03 - “Usually his voice is in my head all the time” Yes. Because even though Martin was chained to a wall, he was still in control. The constant phone calls. The verbal chess games. The traumatic memories. Malcolm has never been able to escape Martin. Ever. Now 2/3 of his regular Martin exposures have disappeared and Malcolm doesn’t know how do go about daily life without the constant harassment. 

13:40 - There’s no way Jessica was actually in enough pain to ask for a painkillers. Jess overheard Malcolm and Capshaw talking and she came to ask Capshaw about it. 

14:14 - “I feel like I’m in Hell’s waiting room.” “Been there for 23 years.” Ouch. Capshaw is lying through her teeth but Jessica? Jessica is being sincere. My heart breaks for her. Also - the fact that every time we’ve seen Jessica bond with another woman (Eve, Capshaw, Birdie) that woman is a manipulative woman trying to use Jessica’s connection to Martin for her own personal gain is very upsetting. I petition for Jessica to bond with Tally and/or Dani. 

14:40 - Look at Capshaw’s face when Jessica mentions Martin’s open casket. She’s hopeful. Like she just found a potential partner in crime. Or at least she just found another reason to justify what she’s about to do to Martin. 

15:15 - I can’t anymore. It’s been driving me CRAZY that Dani’s curls are extremely different sizes in almost every other scene this episode. Sometimes the curls are reasonably tight and a little frizzy, Then in scenes like this one her curls are big, loose, and clean. Her hair is gorgeous both ways but the inconsistency is really bothering me. 

15:52 - Americans - help me out. Is this a thing? Do your bowling alleys serve alcohol? Specifically wine? My Canadian ass is curious (our bowling alleys serve pop and bottled water. And maybe fruit juice). 

15:52 - Look at how cautious Malcolm is as he approaches the boy. He’s afraid. Afraid that he’ll see evidence that the Surgeon is killing again. 

16:45 - Who did Pete steal those clothes from? It wasn’t the EMTs.....did he raid Malcolm’s closet?!?!?!

17:15 - Pete was 10 when he found a quasi-sanctuary from his abusive father. So was Malcolm (in the sense that Martin was arrested and physically removed from the home). 

17:40 - I love this about Malcolm. Pete helped Martin escape. Pete is a killer. But Malcolm is standing there talking to Pete like they’re friends. Malcolm genuinely empathizes with Pete’s childhood. It’s messed up but it’s also beautiful. Malcolm truly has a good heart. 

18:00 - And now Malcolm is scared. He’s just remembered that Pete is a serial killer and he’s in danger.

18:15 - Look, Pete’s a bad guy. But his childhood? Damn. That sucks. :( 

18:33 - “Tell me where Martin’s headed.” Not “The Surgeon”, not “Dr. Whitly”, not “my father”. “Martin”. Because Malcolm doesn’t know “Martin”. He’s met his father/dad - the man who loved him and cared for him during the first 10 years of his life. He’s met “The Surgeon” - the man who chloroformed him, manipulated him, and emotionally abused him his entire life. He’s met “Dr. Whitly” - the man who tried to teach him about the human body as a child and the man who gives him valuable medical insight on cases. But Malcolm’s never met this side of Martin Whitly and he doesn’t know what to expect. So he’s calling him “Martin”.

18:56 - Malcolm, you moron. Pete can see that you’re already suffering.

19:07 - I’ll be honest. I was kind of shocked that they killed off Pet like this. I knew Christian Brole was a guest star so obvious something would happen to write his character off the show but....this was intense. 

19:16 - “Bright I saw it too.” Thank you, Dani. Calm this boy down. He’s about 10 seconds away from being arrested for being a moron at a crime scene. 

19:30 - “It is my job to find my father.” This runs deep. Malcolm isn’t just talking about how it’s his job to profile where Martin might be. This is Malcolm admitting that he’s been subconsciously looking for his father for 23 years. He’s just a little boy who keeps visiting a serial killer in prison because he hopes that one day he’ll find the father that loved him (or at least acted like it). :( Someone hug this boy. <3

19:44 - I found how Malcolm pushes Dani off of him interesting. He’s clearly furious. He clearly is not in the mood to be touched but as soon as Dani starts manhandling him he sort of calms down? He’s not calm but he gains better control of himself. He listens to Dani when she guides him away from Ruiz, (he’s not perfect by any means) but he walks away and you can see his body language relax slightly. 

20:11 - I kind of feel bad for JT. Gil and Jessica have blatantly flirted in front of him twice now (2x5 and now). That’s got to be awkward for him. hahaha

20:14 - “Where is Ainsley?” Good question Gil. Malcolm (who is on the verge of a panic attack) is working himself ragged to find Martin. Jessica is terrified and going through old photos to see if she can find anything that might give a clue to Martin’s whereabouts. But Ainsley? Not only is she calm - she’s not reporting on the prison break. She’s not actively trying to find Martin and she’s not terrified. Why? I honestly think (hope) she’s working with Capshaw. 

20:20 - That look Gil shoots JT. Yep. Gil definitely suspects that Ainsley’s involved. I’m pretty sure Gil has pieced together what happened to Endicott and now he suspects Ainsley. 

20:30 - hahahaha the way that JT stares at Gil as Gil leaves the room. hahahaha. He’s like: “This is awkward. I don’t want to babysit your rich girlfriend (and the Mom of the most annoyingly endearing profilers in existence). I am uncomfortable and I hate that you’re leaving me here alone.”

21:05 - I LOVE THIS SCENE. EVERYTHING ABOUT IT.  I love how Dani is slouching in Gil’s chair like she owns it. I love that Malcolm is sitting on the couch like a scolded child. I love that they’re talking about Gil’s birthday. 

21:32 - “I’m already drafting an apology letter.” “That’s not enough.” SAY IT LOUDER DANI. This. FINALLY we get someone calling Malcolm on his passive suicidality. Yes, Malcolm is driven and obsessed with the case (any case). But he also risks his life needlessly to solve them. As though he thinks he’s not worthy of saving. As though he believes he deserves to suffer for what he did to The Surgeon and for what The Surgeon did to his victims. Malcolm is passionate and dedicated to his job. But he doesn’t care about his life enough to protect it. That’s passive suicidality in my books.

21:43 - “For a killer who has done nothing but make your life a living hell.....he’s not worth it.” THIS. Malcolm doesn’t hear this enough. People always suspect him of being like Martin. People rarely take the time to realize that Malcolm was just a little boy who was traumatized by the things he found out about Martin. Strangers judge and treat Malcolm like a criminal just because his father is a publicly bad person. It’s been happening for so long that Malcolm believes he’s a bad person who isn’t worthy of happiness. 

21:52 - Poor Malcolm. His little face. :( He looks so sad, angry, and scared all at the same time. This is another case of “the logical part of my brain knows I’m acting irrationally but I can’t stop it because the emotions are too big and strong and everything hurts.”

22:05 - “I’m sorry.” MALCOLM WHY THE HELL ARE YOU APOLOGIZING TO DANI?!? Because you yelled at Ruiz and now Dani’s worried about you? Dude. You’re having a mental health crisis and a really really bad day. You don’t need to apologize right now. Dani doesn’t want your apology. She wants you to take care of yourself. 

22:25 - “Jury’s still out.” Ouch. 

22:32 - Oh look. Another old person with a landline. hahahahha

23:11 - JT being a sweetheart to Jessica. <3 I love this man. This is so cute. I feel like this is the first time JT’s truly seen Jessica as a full human with a personality as opposed to Malcolm’s rich mother and Gil’s love interest.

23:18 - “I get a call like that once a week.” OH HELL NO. 

23:30 - I love the fact that Jessica and JT are bonding over the fact that they’re both being harassed and judged for something outside of their control. 

23:41 - SOMEONE IS CALLING TALLY?!?! NO. NO. NO. NO. I’M FURIOUS. 

24:04 - “I don’t know. Why did you pretend no one was on the phone earlier?” I love this line. Jess didn’t tell for the same reason JT didn’t. They’re independent, strong people. They don’t want bother other people with their problems. They’re embarrassed that this is happening to them and on some level they probably think (wrongfully) that they deserve it. 

24:46 - Oh look. All of Malcolm’s worst nightmares are coming true on the same day. The look of pure terror on his face. <3 

25:20 - I want more Gil + Ainsley scenes. I find them fascinating. Ainsley looks like she resents Gil (probably because he spent so much time with Malcolm instead of her in the 90s+00s). Gil looks remorseful, sad, concerned, and fatherly. Like, even though he didn’t spend a lot of time with Ainsley - he still loves her. Because he loves Jessica and Malcolm so he loves Ainsley by extension. 

25:30 - “People always suspect him” THIS. Ainsley is trying to manipulate Gil into believing she’s innocent by drawing parallels between her actions and Malcolm’s. What Ainsley doesn’t seem to realize (and why Gil is so cold when he says “People always suspect him”) is that Gil watched Malcolm grow up. He watched the cops question him in 98′ because they thought he was a suspect. He watched Malcolm grow up as people bullied him and locked him in closets because he’s the son of a murderer. Malcolm was fired from the FBI for being the Surgeon’s son (and punching a sheriff). Ainsley though? She forwarded her career by televising Malcolm’s mental health issues and proudly announcing that she’s the daughter of a killer. She still has a job. People still treat her with respect. Malcolm wasn’t granted that luxury. Gil knows it. He watched as Ainsley used Martin as a tool for success while Malcolm struggled under the weight of Martin’s crimes and abuse. 

25:34 - “Ouch”. Malcolm’s not offended. Look at the little smile he sends toward Dani. <3

25:36 - Ainsley is furious. That’s the look she had in her eyes when she confronted Malcolm about the pig’s blood incident. She has no remorse. She’s pissed that her brother is overshadowing her.

25:49 - “We didn’t plan a prison break.” Who’s the ‘we’. Her and Malcolm? Or Ainsley and Martin? Or all three? Or Capshaw and Ainsley? ....this 3/4 of those options are definitely true. But one of them might be a lie. I think Ainsley was purposely vague to make it harder to Malcolm, Gil, and Dani to tell if she’s lying. 

26:17 - Ainsley isn’t scared, stressed, or anxious when she picks up the phone. She seems annoyed but hopeful. I find that interesting. 

26:46 - That smile. Ainsley loved talking to her dad. As a girl who grew up without a father - I feel for her. BUT GIRL - he’s a killer and this is not healthy. 

27:08 - Malcolm suspects Ainsley. And he’s scared. Bring me my popcorn. I’m here for the show. 

27:18 - This must be killing Ainsley. The fact that she knows Malcolm, Gil, and Jessica are a quasi-family unit. It’s probably making her feel more left out than usual. 

27:30 - “Maybe I should’ve done more for her when she was growing up.” :( My heart is shattering. This isn’t Gil’s fault but damn, does this hurt. 

27:40 - “No matter what we did, all roads led to Martin.” More confirmation that Jessica and Gil co-parented Malcolm. <3 This is amazing. I’m so happy. 

27:53 - Really Jess? You’re turned on by the fact that Gil has a secret plan while your daughter is being questioned about helping a murderer escape prison?!?! It’s adorable (especially how Gil starts flirting back with her) but also - not the time. 

28:14 - This is why I think Ainsley is somehow involved with Capshaw and/or is a budding serial killer. She’s so cheery. She’s being questioned by the police because they suspect her of committing a crime. Even an innocent person would be a little anxious or defensive. She’s just....numb but also cheery at the same time? Something’s not right here. 

28:19 - “This room is under surveillance at all times.” ....but is it under audio surveillance? Is this interrogation going to become a bigger part of the plot later in the season? Because Ainsley verbally questions if she’s like Martin.

29:17 - As much as I hate Martin, I agree with his analysis of Ainsley. She’s high on charm, low on compassion and empathy. She doesn’t have normal reactions to traumatic events. She never appears scared or sad. We’ve only ever really seen Ainsley happy, determined, or angry. 

29:20 - ....I fully believe Ainsley is fake crying to manipulate Malcolm during the interrogation.

31:25 - “Do you think I’m the reason he broke out?” Ugh. Ainsley is so starved for parental attention and it’s heartbreaking.....maybe that’s how this killer was made.

32:00 - Gil doesn’t think Ainsley’s a credible source of information. Let’s all just sit on that information for a bit. 

32:19 - “It’s not him I’m worried about.” <3 <3 <3 <3 Papa!Gil <3 I’ve missed you. <3 <3

32:34 - YO Gil, Malcolm. Have you two knuckleheads really never watched Criminal Minds?!?! This dude is showing textbook “I’m a hostage” behaviour. 

33:19 - Gil calling Malcolm his ‘partner’ is so precious. <3

34:50 - Sooooo 400K is a LOT of money. Did Martin use Milton family money for his murder agenda?!? Did Jessica never notice that much cash missing from their accounts?!? Where did all this money come from?! 

35:32 - Ahhhh lovely. Martin had a fake Canadian passport. 

35:46 - Excuse me while I cry myself to sleep because Martin put Malcolm’s batman toy in his murder escape bag. It’s so twisted and yet, sweet? 

35:50 - “What’s that?” <3 My heart has shattered. Look at the unshed tears in Malcolm’s eyes. Listen to how soft Gil’s voice is. Look at Malcolm’s sad little heartbroken, hopeful smile and Gil’s heartbroken look of concern. <3 I adore this exchange so so so so much. This is the Papa!Gil content I’ve been hungry for. 

37:38. -”Bright, she said no.” ....and Gil doesn’t want him going in there either. It’s not safe for anyone. But especially not for Malcolm in his current mental state. 

38:25 - “Don’t ever imply Bright doesn’t want to save lives.” YES TELL HER GIL. YES. I’m living my best life. The Papa!Gil fans were FED this episode. <3

38:51 - “They’re going to kill him.” I love this because I get it. My dad was abusive. I don’t like him and I don’t respect him. I think he’s a shitty human being. But I still love him. A part of me always will. Malcolm’s relationship with Martin is a little more complicated but it boils down to the same thing - no matter what a part of you will always love your parents. You might hate that part of yourself. You might try to suppress it. But it’s always there. Whether you like it or not. The idea that Martin will be killed? That’s terrifying for Malcolm because a dead Martin Whitly means he’ll never ‘earn’ his father’s love. It means his chance of finding the father who loved him pre-age 10 is gone forever. And that’s terrifying. Malcolm will grieve what he lost but he won’t grieve Martin as a human being - just who Martin could’ve been for Malcolm. 

39:22 - Gil chasing Malcolm <3 I’m in love. 

39:55 - Again, where the hell did Hector get these clothes? He sure as hell didn’t steal that plaid shirt from Malcolm’s place or the EMTs. 

40:10 - Hector is my favourite killer. I love him and I don’t know why. 

40:50 - This sequence is haunting. Watching Gil, Jessica, and Malcolm terrified and concerned in isolating shots. <3 *Chef’s kiss*. AND THE FACT THAT JT is still with Jessica?!?! <3 Glorious. I’m here for it. 

41:35 - I don’t like the way Capshaw looked at Malcolm when she said, “He’s your father.”.....it was appraising. Almost like she’s considering killing Malcolm to snub the whole Whitly family of potential killers. 

42:17 - That line about karma......holy shit. Capshaw is evil #confirmed. Malcolm is a moron for not spotting it right this second. 

42:55 - I have so many questions. 1) how did Capshaw get Martin in the car without anyone noticing? Like, why didn’t the security cameras catch it? 2) ....how much air circulation is in a car trunk? 3) How long has Capshaw been planning this? 4) is it really Martin in the car? Or someone else? ....maybe she had a goon kidnap Martin and take him to a secondary location after he left Claremont grounds? 5) Did Capshaw ever have a romantic interest in Martin? Was it ALL show?

AHHHHH this episode was amazing and I can’t wait for Tuesday. Thanks for hanging out. <3 

[mc-critical]

On Hatice’s character, I feel like she more or less was cheated of a better character arc which could’ve made her more likeable or easier to understand (almost everyone I’ve encountered who is into the series has extreme distaste for her character.) Though I don’t necessarily feel any particular form of intensity towards her character I do wish she could have been explored a bit more? I can see why she wasn’t likely due to time constraints/needing to stay consistent with plot lines but it would have been nice to see. I feel like everytime Hatice was on screen, mentioned, or involved in the plot line it was in conjunction to or in relation to Ibrahim. Even after Ibrahim was dead, Hatice’s whole storyline was just..Ibrahim. It was clear that she was emotionally unstable and dealt with attachment issues from the start of the series, likely resulting trauma from her father’s bloody reign. We’re told she was “her parent’s favorite/the spoiled one” according to her siblings, we’re hinted at some sort of past fued between her and Sah but no real context. We rarely got to see her interact with her children. It’s like we only were given tiny bits and pieces of Hatice as her own person and everything else about her just existed to string Ibrahim along. It’s quite sad..what do you think?

Eh, I absolutely adore Hatice as a character and I feel she got a very solid, well-written character arc. I'm pleased with what we got with her in the show and I think that her nuance tends to be massively overlooked.

The center of her character is not really Ibrahim, but rather the line between family and dynasty. And while that seems to be attributed with Ibrahim in the strongest way, it also channels in who Hatice is as a person and her interactions with other characters like her mother, Süleiman and Hürrem.

Hatice has always been the sultana of blood that is closest to the dynasty, but also the one that wants to detach the most from it. As you said, she had lingering trauma from her father's reign /which indeed is only hinted, to be honest, but that's the whole backstory of Selim Yavuz, what we got from his cruelty in the show was basically hints two flashbacks. We were told by Süleiman of his defining deed, we were told by Valide and Hatice that they saw his father in him, but the rest remained pretty much vague, which isn't a problem with Hatice's character. However, it may come off as a problem with SS's character, since more backstory would better explain his paranoia outside of actions of the "suspects" taken out of context, would render Mustafa's death a little more understandable and would highlight even more his character arc, for Selim Yavuz was his "Azraeel", according to him, but that is a post for another day./, but on a more personal note, she has witnessed the death her former husband, which puts her panic and fear over death in another light. Her backstory isn't that focused on, because it's not all that important for her character arc: because while Mahidevran has to get over her past and Şah Sultan tries to consistently set herself for the future, Hatice has to face the events of the present. She's an effective deconstruction of the Princess Classic trope she started up as: an innocent, fragile, kind hearted princess, no sign of trauma whatsoever who strives to create a family of her own, as a bonus. After she meets Ibrahim, she feels like she wants to be in that adventure with him, she not only falls in love with him, but he fills her with hopes and dreams for a better life. Look how when she marries him she wanted to get out of Topkapi as soon as possible and always repeated that she wanted for them to be a family, that she wanted to have piece. Even her love for Ibrahim is much more deep seated than some plain obsession that is only used as a plot device or to prop him up. She's grown with beliefs that have been a part of her life and sometimes she lets them out out of sheer ignorance, no matter how much independence she wants in her personal life. Her whole relationship with Ibrahim is a back and forth conflict between dynasty and family that is only a vector for her arc, not the entirety of it.

It's often ignored how pivotal is Hatice's relationship with Valide. The closeness she has with her, especially compared to her other sisters, shaped up all of Hatice's life long beliefs. Namely Valide is the root of Hatice's love and respect for the dynasty, being next to its female representative her entire life (see also Valide's flashbacks in E58) and witnessing the way she dealt with things, the way she ruled the harem, the way she made decisions. Even Hatice herself considered her as her role model and wanted to be like her. (she told her this in E61) It was as if Valide was a preserver of all the virtues Hatice deemed as worth having. She has a tremendous respect for her and her opinions and this is what brought her to hide her love for Ibrahim more than anything. The respect she has for the ottoman laws and the ottoman dynasty and the ways she got used to them made her to do anything but admitting SS and Valide her true feelings.

Valide is an indirect reason of Hatice's supposedly "inpartial" point of view in the harem that let her judge things more fairly. It's not that Hatice was completely unbiased in her relationships with Mahidevran and Hürrem early on, because oh no, she wasn't, Hatice always was on the dynasty's side in this war, but for her dynasty always advocated fairness and preserving piece and order. She wasn't afraid to call out whoever she thought was wrong at any time and even when her bias had completely (and honestly, rightly in many aspects) impacted her in terms of Hürrem, she wasn't afraid to admit that she was right about Firuze after all. Hatice also has a very reactive personality: she doesn't let anyone provoke her and quickly responds when she's provoked. She's not provoked only about Ibrahim, she's also provoked when it comes to both family and dynasty, overall, seeing Hürrem and Mahidevran quarrel in E11, Fatma and the concubines challenging Hürrem in E47, Mahidevran attempting to kill Hürrem's children in E55, Mihrimah defending Hürrem in E84 etc. Whenever something she cares about is opposed or attacked by someone, she would always spring into action, which is a very consistent trend of her character as a whole.

{There are many reasons why I personally find Hatice sympathetic: she's one of the most ethical characters of the show, acting as a peacekeeper wanting to keep everyone out of their struggle, she's always ready to help, she cherishes love (her wanting to marry Sadıka to Matrakcı), there are so many people she cares about outside of just Ibrahim - Mahidevran, Mustafa, Valide, her sisters and their problems impact her as well, despite of how "self-centered" she may seem at first glance. She, just like MCK Gevherhan, is so humane to everyone she interacts with, trying her very best to empathize with them. (to the point Mahidevran told her in E05 that if she keeps up worrying only about them, she will wither in this palace) Her trauma and circumstance also bring in a lot of empathy for me, because significantly little of it is her own doing, compared to other characters. We see a character that deteoriates both internally and externally often as a consequence of her simply fearing she would lose everyone she loves and that her life would be once again, filled with illnesses and death.}

[Truth be told, I don't get the Hatice hate, like AT. ALL. I don't know about you, but people I've encountered on the Internet couldn't give me a valid reason as to why they hate Hatice so much. They either reduce her to a "whiny", "crying", "spoiled" or "evil" bitch, either say they hate her because she breaks down a lot or because stood up against Hürrem for no reason, which is totally untrue, in my opinion. I genuinely haven't seen one (1) good argument as to why she deserves such ire. They mostly look at a more dimensional version of S03 Hatice and forget everything that set up S03 Hatice, or they hate Hatice exclusively because of S03, which.... eh? I would dare say that there are more reasons to hate Mahidevran than there ever were to hate Hatice (even though the hate directed at Mahidevran is, once again, for all the wrong reasons) and if someone gave me an actually good reason to hate Mahidevran, I would understand, but Hatice? Even her more questionable actions were ultimately provoked by something or someone.]

Her first traumatic experiences in the present is also connected to the kids she's lost. Yeah, giving her more time with her living children and seeing her more as a mother is the one thing I would definetly change in her writing. We didn't get enough of that and it would be a breath of fresh air. But then again, losing so many could've demotivated her and the last time she was pregnant we also had this prevailing, but understandable fear. It also just doesn't play such a big part in her deconstrustion-to-become-flanderization-in-character-development arc.

We gain a gradual, broader perspective into her a bit later in the narrative, and perhaps that eventually broken first impression would cause disappointment - Hatice could be prideful and while she wants to detach from the dynasty for her family, she values her own position and the rights that are offered with it. She could be easily offended by remarks made to startle her. She could be demanding sometimes. But that existed along with her good traits. Hatice was the most reasonable and morally unproblematic character of the main cast overall and by S01/2, that truly showed.

If we refer only to S03 Hatice, it would make a tiny bit more sense for people to not find her that sympathetic. Because while she underwent a good flanderization arc, it's still flanderization and some traits of hers seem to be more present than others in that season, especially knowing the trajectory of said arc. It may look like there isn't a sympathetic reason to do what she does, as if she's like this all of the sudden. But here's the rub: season 3 wasn't supposed to give this much context to Hatice's actions, it's the pay-off of a build-up, the peak of her arc that leads to a resolution. Season 3 wasn't supposed to repeat stuff that has already been established, all Hatice is doing there, has been set up for an entire season, if not more. We already know what's driving her, we already have the sympathetic reasons. That's why all the attention is given to her actions that bring her to tragedy, not to introspective scenes.

Back to Ibrahim's relation to Hatice's character: A common affirmation I hear is that Hatice's rift with Hürrem was caused thanks to Ibrahim and Ibrahim alone. There's so much more to it than that! While we had the scene that started the build-up and the one that ended it be about a possible/already a fact infidelity of Ibrahim's as a parallel, these are only a part of it, not it in its entirety. Keep in mind that the one thing that fully set the upcoming enmity in motion during S03 is Hürrem taking Valide's chambers. And at first Hatice wasn't about to blame Hürrem for it all when she went to tell it to his majesty (her saying to Gülfem that it doesn't matter who told her about the affair) with her claiming that Hü ruined her life only after their confrontation for Valide's chambers. And here we return to the center of Hatice's character: thing is, whether we liked it or not, Hürrem always was a threat to the dynasty in Hatice's eyes. Şah asked her the infamous question: "The dynasty or Ibrahim?" when she was asked why is Hürrem a threat in E81, but I think both are in conjunction, yet independent of each other here. Hatice values tradition just like her mother and Hürrem breaking them all would cause some kind of disturbance. She got distraught right after she was freed and married, claiming that it had to be stopped before it happened, look also how she told Afife Hatun that Hürrem had to be gotten rid of because she caused unrest in the harem! Not only Ibrahim's death, but Valide's death impacted her so much, she thought someone had to supposedly protect the dynasty for what is to come before everything goes haywire and that's what she attempted to do the entire time. In S03A personal motives clearly ran together with the apparent protection of the dynasty (I sometimes like to parallel Hatice's dynasty with Kösem's state in my head, despite that Kösem's urge to protect the state comes more with her role as a ruler and regent and measures out of necessity, while Hatice's comes from willingness to preserve balance and harmony in a more personal level.) and she considered Hürrem as a threat to everything Hatice believes in. She seems to also take on her mother's footsteps in that regard, in a way, using common for Valide methods like sending a concubine to SS etc. She considers Hürrem a threat for her own stability and well-being and that isn't limited to just Ibrahim.

Her relationship with SS is the one that is probably the most connected to Ibrahim, judging by their first more "nuanced" scene for me (him deciding to marry Ibro and Hati) and fallout (the confrontation for Ibrahim's death), but that could be also connected to what Hatice has previously experienced and genuine respect for him as a brother before all the rocky stuff happened. And interestingly, her deep resentment and then despise of him is targeted at him bringing Hürrem to their lives, not simply just killing Ibrahim, though that was also an intensely strong motivator of hers.

Hatice's bond with Mustafa is also strong even before she fell in love with Ibrahim. She also considered him "the future of the dynasty", played with him in the gardens, comforted him in tough times when she could. They didn't have as many scenes together, but the relationship added a good amount of flavor to her character.

A reason why I think Hatice's relationship with Mahidevran is so precious and criminally underrated, is that this is the relationship least centered on Ibrahim, second only to Hatice's with Valide. Their scenes early on is mostly them being there for each other and being happy with each other's moments of good time. They're very bound to each other and are very good friends that still have a dynamic relationship. The temporary S02B fallout between them has everything to do with Hatice's disappointment and disbelief of Mahidevran's own failings. She also threatened something Hatice cared about and did something she didn't expect of her. And that isn't barely noticeable, Hürrem even remarked that Mahidevran is becoming alone in E58. (oh my, I hate this scene with passion, but anyway.) After that their dynamic then remained basically intact for S03, expect that they could act more like allies than friends. But that's a given, due to the more intense events in the palace and the tonal shift of the show.

I find her dynamic with Şah fascinating due to their contrasting personalities and strained, yet loving relationship. The feud between them had enough context given to us through Beyhan's words to Şah in E83: that Hatice not only was Valide's favorite, but she apparently had the life Şah wanted to have, which explains Şah's ambition and supposed distance and secrecy well enough. More backstory would mean destroying the interesting duality in the relationship and wouldn't make Şah's motivation half as interesting and uniquely presented as it was, to be honest. Which is why I find her dynamic with Hatice way more interesting than her dynamic with Hürrem (which is good, too, but pretty generic), but that's also a post for another day. But Hatice is actually the more open person in this dynamic and the one more revealing her feelings. Şah wanted her to move on from her losses, but Hatice objects so strongly because it all has gotten to a completely personal level, with Şah trying to redecorate her castle, it would look like she's trying to change her from the outset, her as a person, which is something Hatice would never agree with. But then again, it's clearly shown that deep down Şah cares about what Hatice wants and is trying to do the best for her in her own way. And the emphasis is again put on family: they still get along and reconcile, setting their differences aside.

Many of Hatice's introspective scenes were with Gülfem and while they talked about Ibrahim many times, we could still see the amount of powerful support between them. Hatice shared everything with Gülfem, it was as if they knew everything about each other. They were each other's comfort.

She showed moral support to Beyhan, as well. That is another familial relationship that shows both casual and profound interactions. It's not there as much, but that's more because of Beyhan's limited screentime, not because of something to do with Hatice.

Even her arc with Ibrahim isn't all about him, but is also tied to the core of her character. The line between dynasty and family drives their whole fallout and if it wasn't there, the conflict between them wouldn't ever take place. Hatice ultimately forgiving Ibrahim is more about her getting out of her own dynastic outlook, which is a relevant character development of hers that happens along with her flanderization. And that plot-line is as important as the flanderization, even more so, and it pushes it forward. It was a resolution of the conflict with family and dynasty in Hatice, not exactly forgiving Ibrahim just for Ibrahim. (that is also a factor, no doubt, because she loves him and he is a part of her character, but not all her character.)

Overall, for me Hatice is a multi-faceted, amazing character that is actually very fleshed out in the span of three seasons. I don't find much issue with her writing: everything that happened with her is logical and well-explained if you look closely enough and I don't want more for her arc. It was original and outstanding for what it was, both as a character concept and a dynastic sultana of the franchise.

[k-s-morgan]

Hi! I’m new to the Hannibal fandom and I was wondering if I’m the only one who didn’t understand Alana and Will’s relationship-thing? Like I kind of could see how Alana’s feelings developed but I don’t get Will’s. Sorry if you answered this before I’m just really curious.

Hello! Welcome to the fandom)) This is how I understand the relationship between Will and Alana.

I can see genuine physical attraction, some friendly care, and a crush that's mostly motivated by the fact that Alana is a very acceptable partner - Will craves normality, he wants to be an average family man with a wife and kids as expected by the society. Anything to drown out who he really is.

By the start of S1, he and Alana have never had one-on-one interactions, someone was always in the room with them. Will refers to her pretty impersonally as "Bloom" to Jack in E1. He starts flirting with her when they see each other, but he almost never seeks her out first. He remembers about her only when paths actually cross. There are about 2 exceptions, from what I recall.

1) He calls her first in E8, when he's feeling unstable and worried about it, and asks her to come help him find a possibly wounded animal. At the same time, he doesn't see it as romantic. Everything below is from the script, including text in the brackets.  

Alana: You invited me over to help you collect animal parts?

Will: I invited you over on the off chance we find it alive. Hard to wrangle a wounded animal by myself. (then, realizing) Did you think it was a date?

Alana: Honestly, it never crossed my mind.

Will is at first relieved, then almost disappointed.

This is a good demonstration of his feelings. He isn't actually interested in a romantic relationship with her, but he wants to be interested in it.

2) The second time Will seeks her out first is to ask about her safety when Gideon escapes. In the majority of other instances, Alana is the one to come after him.

In E8 again, Alana comes to visit Will at the moment when he's particularly freaked out by his instability. He kisses her with genuine passion - and with desperation, too. That's what he and Hannibal discuss.

In their conversation, Will says he always wanted to kiss Alana because she's "kissable". He doesn't describe her qualities that make him like her, he doesn't say anything about deeper emotions - he merely refers to her in terms of his physical attraction to her. Hannibal rightfully notes:

Hannibal: You waited a long time, which suggests you were kissing her for a reason in addition to wanting to.

Will admits it's true. It's another point proving that his interest is superficial. He never bothered to actually pursue Alana until he got scared because of losing control. They confirm it again in the following lines. Will tells Hannibal how he freaked out because he thought there was an animal in his chimney and adds:

Will: I sleep walk. I get headaches. I’m hearing things. I feel unstable.

Hannibal: That’s why you kissed her. A clutch for balance.

Will nods here. Also, they deleted this bit, but he actually also had to say:

Will: Because I’m losing mine.

So it's a confirmation that Will focused on Alana because he was scared of being even more abnormal than he usually is. He does care about her and he likes her, but their relationship has always been shallow. They don't know each other much. Also, I don't think Will could ever love her for real because of who he is. The thing Will craves most is acceptance and understanding. Alana can't give him that. They have an interesting conversation related to it a bit in E11.

Alana: Would have been fun cozying up with your dogs in front of the space heater.

Will: Don’t need protective custody to cozy up with my dogs. Or me for that matter. Just a little more stability on my part.

So Will acknowledges that for Alana to like him, he has to change. But his instability is largely who he is (not counting encephalitis) - even when he was physically healthy, he was still unstable because of his darkness. That's why Alana didn't feel comfortable staying alone with him until S1. She can't give him unconditional love, and that's what Will needs. Another telling conversation is with Hannibal.

Hannibal: She would feel an obligation to her field of study to observe you. And you would resent her for it.

Will: I know.

It all comes down to them being fundamentally incompatible.

In S2, Will is not profoundly hurt when he realizes Alana has no feelings for him (during the talk with the lawyer she hired), though he’s upset and grim at the realization. He's angry and disgusted upon realizing she's with Hannibal now, but he shows no actual hurt or heartbreak - he's concerned about his relationship with Hannibal already. He shows the same behavior back in S1 - his dreams are filled wth darkness and Hannibal/Wendigo; he shares his most intimate thoughts with Hannibal; he covers up murder for Hannibal and Abigail, while Alana comes to his thoughts only when she's physically there, when he's losing control, or when she's in danger.

So, in my opinion, their bond has always been shallow, and it never went further than superficial friendship and physical attraction. And it fits with Will’s character.

Alana, I think, is attracted to Will and feels sorry for him. I don’t see any genuine romantic feelings from her side either - the worse Will feels, the more she cares about him; when he feels fine and confident, she loses interest and becomes intimidated.  

[inkperch]

V8 E11 Thoughts

SO UH. I’M SCREAMING. I was worried some of the spoilers I’d gotten (thanks Youtube) would ruin it but NOPE. Like, the Penny scene, I’d straight up seen how they resolve it, but it was out of context and, the way it’s framed? The amazing animation? The heartbreakingly good voice acting (from everyone, but specifically Penny)? With all that, I completely fucking forgot that I’d seen she survived that. Words cannot describe how my heart fucking dropped when Penny said ‘Kill me’- and then learning her reasoning- it’s logical, calm and calculated in a way that is fucking chilling, especially from Penny of all people.

Especially considering she was asking RUBY, who the past few episodes have spent really hammering home that she’s like... 15. And she’s already lost Penny once- whether you take it as romantic or not (I do, so Ouch), they’re probably the closest bond in the cast imo. And just- fucking hell.

And speaking of how much younger Ruby is, I loved how, in the dining room scene, it’s so much more obvious than usual that she’s shorter than the rest of the cast. Which they then follow up with two separate fucking scenes which have her centre stage in an extremely emotional situation- and yeah, Imma just point out, every other time we’ve seen a maiden use that personal storm trick, no ones gotten inside- Ruby managed to keep a hold of Penny. Girl’s a determined hugger lol.

And, the ReNora, which is certainly a ReNora. It’s cute, I was fucking screaming the whole time, I love that Nora’s issues didn’t just get thrown out cause Ren loves her too, and the little insight to her backstory is awesome. Not much else to say tho. Nora’s VA is way better than I’d’ve expected Volume 1 though ngl.

The scene with Ruby and Yang hurt, a lot, cause like... Yang sobbing is beautifully animated, and Ruby is just... way too detached for what she’s talking about. Girl finally almost gets to cry and then the Penny scene happens.

The scene with the Jailbirds (which I think is their ship name, but does anyone actually use it non-platonically? Serious question) is pretty neat, nice to see Rob isn’t too messed up by the building collapsing on her. Anyone else notice that, even ignoring her talking sense into Qrow about going after Ironwood, Robyn seemed really, really reluctant to fight this episode? Also, only just realised that those two have a lot of visual similarities. And Rob pointing out to Qrow (and certain fans, you know who you are) why Qrow was absolutely in the right vs Clover is neat.

And, ok, about all the death flags- here’s my prediction of what’s going to happen: Penny is going to die again. Dr Pollendina is going to give up the last of his Aura to bring her back.

After all, for all the death flags she’s been waving, he’s got just as many- he’s massively useful in a ‘skip the problem’ way, he’s a big name on the list of people who can fix the CCTT, a big big win for our heroes, the fact that he can bring her back one more time was explicitly pointed out barely after he was introduced, he’s a very, very likeable mentor-esque figure, with very few lose threads to his character.

And Penny, on the other hand, has already died once, and is now waving so many death flags it’s almost too obvious. And, more to the point, although her Dreaming of Robotic Sheep arc is pretty much done with, she is far from an overused character- especially if you add the sheer angst her father dying for her would cause. And, while she is a little OP right now, her dying once would pass the Winter Maiden power to whoever they want it to go to, nerfing her back to ‘strongest living non-maiden fighter’. 

Tldr, this episode gave me F E E L I N G S, and Penny’s probably gonna die and then get brought back at the cost of her father’s life.

[papermoonloveslucy]

VACATION TIME

April 29, 1949

“Vacation Time” (aka “Trailer Vacation to Goosegrease Lake”) is episode #41 of the radio series MY FAVORITE HUSBAND broadcast on April 29, 1949 on the CBS radio network.

Synopsis ~ It's vacation time, and Liz and George have decidedly different plans. He wants to go camping with a trailer he borrowed from a friend, while she's set on a glamorous vacation at Moosehead Lodge.

This episode later partly inspired the premise of “Liz Learns To Swim” aired on June 11, 1950. 

“My Favorite Husband” was based on the novels Mr. and Mrs. Cugat, the Record of a Happy Marriage (1940) and Outside Eden (1945) by Isabel Scott Rorick, which had previously been adapted into the film Are Husbands Necessary? (1942). “My Favorite Husband” was first broadcast as a one-time special on July 5, 1948. Lucille Ball and Lee Bowman played the characters of Liz and George Cugat, and a positive response to this broadcast convinced CBS to launch “My Favorite Husband” as a series. Bowman was not available Richard Denning was cast as George. On January 7, 1949, confusion with bandleader Xavier Cugat prompted a name change to Cooper. On this same episode Jell-O became its sponsor. A total of 124 episodes of the program aired from July 23, 1948 through March 31, 1951. After about ten episodes had been written, writers Fox and Davenport departed and three new writers took over – Bob Carroll, Jr., Madelyn Pugh, and head writer/producer Jess Oppenheimer. In March 1949 Gale Gordon took over the existing role of George’s boss, Rudolph Atterbury, and Bea Benaderet was added as his wife, Iris. CBS brought “My Favorite Husband” to television in 1953, starring Joan Caulfield and Barry Nelson as Liz and George Cooper. The television version ran two-and-a-half seasons, from September 1953 through December 1955, running concurrently with “I Love Lucy.” It was produced live at CBS Television City for most of its run, until switching to film for a truncated third season filmed (ironically) at Desilu and recasting Liz Cooper with Vanessa Brown.

MAIN CAST

Lucille Ball (Liz Cooper) was born on August 6, 1911 in Jamestown, New York. She began her screen career in 1933 and was known in Hollywood as ‘Queen of the B’s’ due to her many appearances in ‘B’ movies. With Richard Denning, she starred in a radio program titled “My Favorite Husband” which eventually led to the creation of “I Love Lucy,” a television situation comedy in which she co-starred with her real-life husband, Latin bandleader Desi Arnaz. The program was phenomenally successful, allowing the couple to purchase what was once RKO Studios, re-naming it Desilu. When the show ended in 1960 (in an hour-long format known as “The Lucy-Desi Comedy Hour”) so did Lucy and Desi’s marriage. In 1962, hoping to keep Desilu financially solvent, Lucy returned to the sitcom format with “The Lucy Show,” which lasted six seasons. She followed that with a similar sitcom “Here’s Lucy” co-starring with her real-life children, Lucie and Desi Jr., as well as Gale Gordon, who had joined the cast of “The Lucy Show” during season two. Before her death in 1989, Lucy made one more attempt at a sitcom with “Life With Lucy,” also with Gordon.

Richard Denning (George Cooper) was born Louis Albert Heindrich Denninger Jr., in Poughkeepsie, New York. When he was 18 months old, his family moved to Los Angeles. Plans called for him to take over his father’s garment manufacturing business, but he developed an interest in acting. Denning enlisted in the US Navy during World War II. He is best known for his  roles in various science fiction and horror films of the 1950s. Although he teamed with Lucille Ball on radio in “My Favorite Husband,” the two never acted together on screen. While “I Love Lucy” was on the air, he was seen on another CBS TV series, “Mr. & Mrs. North.” From 1968 to 1980 he played the Governor on “Hawaii 5-0″, his final role. He died in 1998 at age 84.

Bea Benadaret (Iris Atterbury) and Gale Gordon (Rudolph Atterbury) do not appear in this episode. 

Ruth Perrott (Katie, the Maid) was also later seen on “I Love Lucy.” She first played Mrs. Pomerantz (above right), a member of the surprise investigating committee for the Society Matrons League in “Pioneer Women” (ILL S1;E25), as one of the member of the Wednesday Afternoon Fine Arts League in “Lucy and Ethel Buy the Same Dress” (ILL S3;E3), and also played a nurse when “Lucy Goes to the Hospital” (ILL S2;E16). She died in 1996 at the age of 96.

Bob LeMond (Announcer) also served as the announcer for the pilot episode of “I Love Lucy”. When the long-lost pilot was finally discovered in 1990, a few moments of the opening narration were damaged and lost, so LeMond – fifty years later – recreated the narration for the CBS special and subsequent DVD release.

GUEST CAST

Frank Nelson (Policeman) was born on May 6, 1911 (three months before Lucille Ball) in Colorado Springs, Colorado. He started working as a radio announcer at the age of 15. He later appeared on such popular radio shows as “The Great Gildersleeve,” “Burns and Allen,” and “Fibber McGee & Molly”. This is one of his 11 performances on “My Favorite Husband.”  On “I Love Lucy” he holds the distinction of being the only actor to play two recurring roles: Freddie Fillmore and Ralph Ramsey, as well as six one-off characters, including the frazzled train conductor in “The Great Train Robbery” (ILL S5;E5), a character he repeated on “The Lucy Show.”  Aside from Lucille Ball, Nelson is perhaps most associated with Jack Benny and was a fifteen-year regular on his radio and television programs.  

Wally Maher (Joe Risley) was born on August 4, 1908 in Cincinnati, Ohio. He was known for Mystery Street (1950), The Reformer and the Redhead (1950) and Hollywood Hotel (1937). He was heard with Lucille Ball in the Lux Radio Theatre version of “The Dark Corner” (1947), taking the role originated on film by William Bendix. He died on December 27, 1951.

Milton Stark (Filling Station Attendant) was a theatre actor and director, who also appeared on radio and television, although usually in supporting roles.  He also worked as a dialogue coach and acting teacher. At UCLA a scholarship was established in his name. He lived to the age of 103. 

EPISODE

ANNOUNCER: “As we look in on the Coopers, it is a cold rainy afternoon, but Liz is in her bedroom standing in front of the mirror wearing a back-less, strapless sun dress.” 

Liz calls Katie in to show off her sun dress, but Katie is disapproving that is so revealing.  Liz has shopped for summer vacation clothes.  Liz’s bathing suit cost’s forty dollars. 

KATIE: “That’s a lot of money for two doilies and a diaper.” 

Liz says that husbands only approve of scanty swimsuits when they are on any woman but their wives. 

LIZ: “I want to look good for George. He’s going to see a lot of me this summer.” KATIE: “He’s not the only one!”  

The topic of revealing bathing suits was later also mined for comedy on “I Love Lucy.”  In “Off To Florida” (ILL S6;E6) Ricky thinks Lucy’s new skimpy new swimsuit is for Little Ricky!  Lucy also buys a swimsuit that Ricky feels is too skimpy when shopping for their California trip in “Getting Ready” (ILL S4;E11)

Liz says they are going to Moosehead Lodge on Lake Okeechobee. Liz calls it a real swanky place.  Katie reminds Liz that George prefers more rugged vacations.  Liz says she will suggest it to George at dinner. 

Lake Okeechobee is a real place, located in central Florida, although it is far more conducive to George’s type of vacation than Liz’s, highlighting nature through fishing and nature.  

Although there are places called Moosehead Lodge in America, it unlikely that a moose would be associated with central Florida and that it would be an upscale resort of the type Liz is describing. 

At the bank, George talks to his co-worker Joe about scheduling vacations.  Joe says that his ideal vacation is in a trailer.  If George likes the idea, he will lend the Coopers his trailer.  George will suggest it to Liz at dinner. 

After dinner, both Liz and George get cozy with the idea of easing the other into going on their dream destination.  Liz ‘just happened’ to hear about a place that she vaguely remembers. 

LIZ: “I did hear of some place called Moosehead Lodge. It’s probably situated in groves of stately pines, on the shores of an emerald green lake, its rustic beauty enhanced by lawns and flower beds. Each luxurious room is furnished with clean, comfortable box spring beds, modern bathroom and shower. Ten dollars a day, American plan. Oh, George, let’s go there. We can relax and enjoy a continual round of  glorious entertainment, sports, good food, and true fellowship, see your travel agent for details.”

George realizes that Liz has been plotting a vacation.  George says he has a better idea - two weeks in a trailer.  Liz is less than keen. George says that they can borrow Joe Risley’s trailer!

LIZ: “Keen with mud on it.”

Liz is worried that nobody will see her new vacation wardrobe if they are cooped up in a trailer.  They are at an impasse.  Liz suggests they go on separate vacations.  When George reluctantly agrees, she breaks down in tears.  

Liz moans to Katie that she already misses George, and the vacation doesn’t begin for two months.  George phones from work to talk to Liz.  George offers a compromise.  They will take a trial weekend trip in the trailer, and if she doesn’t like it, he will go to Moosehead Lodge!

Vacationing in a trailer was explored by Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz in their 1953 comedy MGM’s The Long Long Trailer.  The film mines a lot of physical comedy from the trailer’s unwieldy movement and how Lucy’s character Tacy Bolton copes with it. 

ANNOUNCER: “George is just driving up with the trailer hooked up to the back of the car.”

Liz remarks how small the trailer is.  

GEORGE: “Keep an open mind.” LIZ: “I’ll have to close it or it won’t fit in that trailer.” 

They tour the inside, which is smaller than Liz thought.  Just then, a knock at the trailer door and there’s a policeman (Frank Nelson) issuing them a parking ticket! Forty bucks for parking illegally!

The next morning George and Liz get an early start on their trial trailer trip.  Liz has brought along a little light reading for the trip: “Inside Moosehead Lodge” by Liz Gunther. 

Motoring along the highway, George is enjoying the drive. 

LIZ: “Travel is great. I wouldn’t go anywhere without it.”

George says it is so smooth, you wouldn’t even know the trailer is back there.  Liz notices that it isn’t!  George forgot to hook it on!   Finally, they are off (again) to Goosegrease Lake. Liz reads one of those sequential signs along the roadside: “If Your Whiskers...  Won’t Behave... Take a Tip Use....”  Liz goes silent. 

GEORGE: “Use what?”  LIZ: “The last sign’s torn down. Now we’ll never know.” 

Almost everyone in the audience knew it was Burma-Shave.  From 1926 until 1963 the ‘brushless’ shaving cream company dotted the American highways with small red signs, each containing a line of a short rhyme that the driver could read without slowing down as they drove by.  At one time, there were over 600 different rhymes on signs!  

The idea was given a nod on a 1955 “I Love Lucy” episode “First Stop” (ILL S4;E14) with the roadside signs for Aunt Polly’s Pecan Pralines. 

LUCY: Fifty miles to Aunt Sally’s Pecan Pralines. later... LUCY: 300 yards to Aunt Sally’s! ETHEL: 200 yards! FRED: 100 yards! RICKY: Just around the bend! LUCY: You have just passed Aunt Sally’s. 

Liz is quite sure that George’s shortcut has gotten them lost. They stop to ask directions from a laid back filling station attendant (Milton Stark) who tells them they don’t want to go to Goosegrease Lake.  He suggests they go to the hot springs, instead. 

Oops! Milton Stark has trouble pronouncing ‘Goosegrease’ and  the audience is aware of his flub. When he asks Lucille Ball “What ya gonna do there?” She deliberately says “We’re gonna goose a grease”, instead of “grease a goose”, which causes more giggles from the cast and gales of laughter from the audience. 

FILLING STATION ATTENDANT: “You can’t get there from here!”

Next morning Liz wakes up and looks around.  She sees beautiful green grass and a little flag with the number 18 on it!  A golf ball comes crashing through the window. The policeman from who ticketed them earlier knocks on the trailer door. They have illegally camped out on the 18th green of the municipal golf course - only two miles from home!  Liz said they didn’t know where they were going. 

POLICEMAN: “Do you know where you’re going now?” LIZ: “Yes!  To Moosehead Lodge!” POLICEMAN: “No, to the city jail! Come on!”

End of Episode

[plainvanillapotato]

the 100 diaries S2 E11

 quarantine diaries: may 30 2020

season 2 episode 11: “Coup de Grace”

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS GOING ON.  BELLAMY??! WOAH what did they put down bellamy’s throat

they really took Monty my favorite character. keep fucking hell man.

When maya tells you act fine when you’re not fine. Cue the Katy perry audio

I’m also going to note that i never thought that jasper the boy that was speared on day one would out live finn. but here we are.

that looks like dirty water. youre not supposed to drink pond water Abby.

octavia. Damn ok. But for some reason i just don’t find this character development to be that realistic. Like one minute she’s this damsel constantly in distress and now she’s supposed to be this badass warrior???

who are these mountain men? Jason borne?

only bellamy could look this good in tighty whities

that girl spit in my bois face. No.

yes jasper. confront dante. woah that escalted quickly. that sword tho. woah grandpas got them moves. jasper did a single tear wow the acting skills.

im on indras side on this one. Kill him. Kill him now.

im sorry but lets get back to the fact that the mountain men looked at prettyboy bellamy and said harvest. i think the real plot hole is that the mountain people think that bellamy is just for harvesting?! this is how i know the writers of the 100 are testing me because i know my boy is too fine to just harvest for blood.

soooooooooooo the writers are telling me that the mountain people looked this guy:

THIS GUY

AND THEY SAID HARVEST??

not to mention they did so while he was shirtless. and im just appalled by the utter disrespect

Honest to god waht?! some say too hot to handle i say too hot to harvest.

i swear this is the biggest plot hole i have ever seen in my life

i get that the sorting process is not a beauty pageant and that the only other option is the cerberus thing that would only lead him to become a reaper. but no one can look at bellamy and just think that hes only good as a human blood bag. abolutely not

wow they really had maya find bellamy. fine maya fine. i didnt like you at first but here you are moving up

“what so special about him but hes dead” i found this comical for some reason and idk why.

this fight with bellamy and the guard is really brutal....mark me down for both scared and horny

wow they just a radiation free zone so fast. thats a little convient too for me.

Kane trying to comfort Abby about Clarke...abby and kane. ship??

bellamy playing a guard again?? Ok full circle.

Maya said ‘I’m in’.....maya and bellamy. Ship??? She be like ‘jasper who? Bellamy is the sky person for me!!’

lovejoy how ironic

now bellamy just looks like a skater in that hat. who did costuming? literally the boy looks like sean malto!!!

‘I’ll come back for you”...bellamy and the grounder girl? Ship?

jasper coming to save monty!!! i was so worried!! that hug. the bromance is very much alive!!

dante said watch me bitch to dr. Tsing. Dante really being an unexpected ally. I really though he was going to be a bad guy. Bitch had me fooled

hey abby dont think about it too much. Think about it more like nature coming to claim the weak.

So this elevator scene. I cant believed that really worked. But i guess maya is just that trustworth. Little do these mountain men know

Ofc the son becomes the usurper

yes clarke. kill him. Kill him now. Make him pay for Monty.

This would have been a good time to bring up your father Clarke. Like you could have been remember mom when you killed dad and when you sent me to die on earth. 👀

Bellamy is giving zuko vibes with that black eye

ofc its lovejoys son. ofc....that’s rough buddy

monty and jasper taking on the parental roles. I Stan.

you tell her raven. But also what clarkes job??? honestly!!! what is it??

ofc its clarke is the one to pick up on bellamy. “mayas with you?” is clarke jealous?? jk

im mean not getting killed is a big deal bellamy. the odds are against you.

what is this music?? it is not setting the right vibez

cage is reminding me of steve carell in the office. best boss mug. that mug cut was goooood. it was so clean. My favorite transition so far. But also Monty handing Harper that mug while holding her hand....ship???

yes clarke take matters into your own hands. she said fuck you mom. she said “you main be the chancellor but im in charge” (36:40) clarke has BIG DICK ENERGY. Jaha who clarke is the real moses. let our people go she said. But tbh I don’t trust clarke.

6 hours?! I would die.

why did the clarke say “if bellamy dies, we all die” with a smile. like she is literally smiling . what was the vibe the director trying to go for here?

[heymeowmao]

[Full] Our Song _ E11 (Last in rankings today (fourth place) will leave. Last episode next week.)

4:17 - MC: Na-jie is back with the team, and XZ can finally breathe a breath of relief. He finally let Na-jie come back and has withstood the challenges without her, right? But right now we have a different situation, which is that they haven’t met for a while. Tonight is an important match. XZ, you won’t let Na-jie only come back this once and then not again, right?  XZ: Of course not! Na-jie and I have not felt the passing of time at all, we’re still as compatible as ever! NY: I have communicated through phone, and I always ask him how the song selections are going.  

5:30 - MC: In order to pick our order today, we all went shooting. The only person to shoot a 10 was... /one day earlier/ MC: When you (XZ) film, you should have practiced this, right? XZ: Yep. NY: Ge, let me tell you. You might not win over him (XZ). While filming he’s been learning how to shoot. FYQ: Oh, he has experience? NY: Yes, yes. Be careful! XZ: Playing blind~

6:44 - WOW, Fei Yuqing shoots a 10 AND made it look so easy. 7:15 - XZ: NA-JIEEEEEE!!!! /shoots a 4/ oTL [total 18 points] 7:26 - FYQ getting ready... /Na-jie starts singing/ He misses. FYQ: Who was singing??! ZHJ: You definitely influenced him. 7:51 - NY: Let me sing another song. FYQ: /misses again/ [total 10 points]

8:32 - MC: Because FYQ’s skill is very good, he can give the #1 spot to another team. FYQ: Ah, number 1.... Who was it that sang “The Evening Bell of Nanping”? NY: /oops/ FYQ: Who sang “One Plum Blossom”? NY: HAHAHA

--

9:14 - MC: Team Na-Zhan will be the first to sing tonight. They’ll be fulfilling two expectations. The first is that Na-jie is back! What sort of stage will their collaboration bring to us this time? The second is that they had prepared this song a while ago but didn’t get the chance to sing (bc they passed into the next round already), and at the time I had asked XZ to sing a few lines. Since that time, the audience has been asking non-stop when we would hear the song in its entirety. Everyone. That time is now.

9:54 - XZ: Na-jie!!!! NY: What is this? We’re matching again today, too. XZ: Come quick, come quick! XZ: I really missed you. NY: You missed me? How did it go? XZ: Pretty good. I need to report to you my results. NY: I thought it was a payroll. XZ: LOL. This is our record for the past weeks. We got third place twice, but last time we got second. Pretty good. NY: Very good!

Na Ying x Xiao Zhan -  被风吹过的夏天 (Bei Feng Chui Guo De Xia Tian)

16:07 - XZ: /confused baby takes the fish from Na-jie/ NY: I’m sorry. MC: Na-jie. I’m sure in all your years on stage and in your life, you’ve never been gifted a bag of fish before, have you? NY: /giggling/ XZ: /still confused/ NY: You didn’t see, did you? XZ: ? NY: I dropped the fish. XZ: /WHAT?/ A: If he had seen I bet he also would have laughed. XZ: If I had seen I wouldn’t have been able to sing the last verse either

16:45 - NY: When we were practicing, XZ would only be holding an ID card. Look at this thing- all wet, and REAL fish. With water. I didn’t hold it properly and when I was walking behind you I dropped it. At that time- my heart shattered. NY: And then when I was sitting here, I held up the fish and then I remembered how I dropped them and I COULD NOT sing anymore.

17:15 - XZ: I didn’t know what happened. I thought I sang wrong, Na-jie! NY: You were great. You kept on singing until the end. XZ: I didn’t have any other choice

17:26 - NY: I’m really glad you didn’t see that. I really need to tell you I’m sorry. XZ: No, no, no, no. It’s his fault (the fish). It’s you. /pokes the fish/ 17:38 - A: We were laughing ourselves silly down here. I saw Huajian-dage over there... ZHJ: I knew it could definitely influence them, but I get more screen-time.

17:51 - MC: Let me ask HJ, do you think it’s alright to make mistakes on a live stage? ZHJ: Of course! In this world, who can compare to me in terms of making mistakes on stage? JYQ: Big Bro “Forgetting the Lyrics”  ZHJ: Not only forgetting the lyrics. I’ve written a whole new song before.  ZHJ: This has to be said though, Xiao Zhan has improved a lot.

--

Hacken Lee x Zhou Shen -  大会堂演奏厅 (Da Hui Tang Yan Zou Ting)

30:06 - MC: Hacken wrote the lyrics for this song in 1988, when he was just 21 years old. A lot of people know his songs, but I must let everyone know that he’s written lyrics for more than 80 songs.

--

Fei Yuqing x Ayanga -  新鸳鸯·蝴蝶梦 (Xin Yuan Yang - Hu Die Meng) + Ayanga in a Pikachu sweater. Never thought I’d see it.

37:55 - MC: I need to say, from my standpoint, the one I could see the most clearly was Xiao Zhan. It looked like there was something shining from deep within his eyes. XZ: I feel very touched. I felt like I could hear in the song a hopeful feeling. It was divine, and made me see “hope” and the “future”. It’s very abstract, but I liked it a lot. NY: As soon as FYQ opened his mouth, I felt (indescribable). I realized that in the music industry, he’s too superior.  -- NY: I’ve been thinking to myself- how could FYQ not continue to sing anymore.[FYQ is retiring, after this show is over, he will not be singing professionally anymore.] At the very last moment, now here is Ayanga. When he stood there singing I came to realize that even when Xiao Ge doesn’t sing anymore, he could be relieved that Ayanga is there to sing in his place. 

--

Zhou Huajian x Jiang Yiqiao -  虎口脱险 (Hu Kou Tuo Xian)

--

Na Ying x Xiao Zhan -  恼人的秋风 (Nao Ren De Qiu Feng)

1:00:20 - MC: Hold on! We need to confirm something first. Could the female singer please say a few words? (/confirm it is really Na Yin XD/) NY: He’ll talk first. Him first. MC: I really do not dare believe this is our Na-jie! Audience: Team Na-Zhan! x10000 NY: What about us? Audience: You’re great!!! NY: Do you think we can turn this around (win another round)? Audience: /cheering/ MC: XZ, tell me. Whose idea was this? XZ: Actutally, it was Na-jie. She said she wanted to pay tribute. MC: ??? NY: It’s because previously we heard Hacken and Zhou Shen sing the “Ye Lang Disco”. After I saw that I thought that we also should sing a song like that. I wanted to pay tribute to my 80′s. MC: XZ. When you heard about the song, did you not even hesitate for a second? NY: He ignored me for a whole day! XZ: No, Na-jie! I really was working! I wouldn’t dare (ignore you)! NY: I was thinking “Oh shoot. He probably doesn’t like it.” MC: Or maybe he got scared.  XZ: Honestly I did hesitate at first. I didn’t think I would be able to control it. But Na-jie said she wanted it retro, and she explained her vision to me, and I was convinced. I said if we’re going to do it, let’s [go big or go home]. So we tried a retro style.

1:02:05 - MC: You know, with Na-jie.. it’s very rare that we have the chance to see you sing AND dance on stage.  ZHJ: And she danced very well! NY: I really need to thank XZ for practicing the steps with me all the time. When we were sitting there, too, he was counting the beats for me. You all know that even when I walk normally I’m a little uncoordinated. So this (dance) was really hard for me. You may not have seen, but up there where the lyrics are, the choreographer was there, showing me the steps. 

1:02:53 - MC: Let me tell you, ever since we started battling in teams, this is the first time that FYQ forgot to hold his pen and paper.  1:03:44 - ZHJ: I know you are all very happy, but have you thought about how we feel? (ZHJ x JYQ, who have to sing next). You two... do you have to be so cruel? NY: In this music competition, you HAVE TO be this cruel.  ZHJ: If we could vote, I’d vote for you to win.  ZHJ: I’m really happy and thankful to have made it this far in the competition. It doesn’t even feel like one at this point. We’re all here to appreciate each other. I really want to thank the two of you for letting us open our eyes and ears. Especially Na-jie. NY: This is not easy for me. ZHJ: You’re obviously someone who can just rely on your face... why do you have to sing so well? And why do you have to have such a nice figure? NY: Do you know how much I’ve suffered off this stage? I can’t eat all the good foods! YOU can eat a bowl of noodles, but I can only eat three strands! XZ: !! NY: And then I have to work out. I think if you still want to stand on stage, you have to maintain a healthy mind/body.  ZHJ: We will still work hard! Watch out for us!

--

Zhou Huajian x Jiang Yiqiao -  其实不想走 (Qi Shi Bu Xiang Zou | Don’t Want to Go)

1:05:11 - NY: This title makes my heart hurt. ZHJ: We can only play the sympathy card now.

1:12:24 - MC: When I was conversing with HJ before, he had told me that there was a singer that he always wanted to sing with- that singer is Na-jie. NY: ?! Audience: /sing sth!/

1:13:13 - ZHJ: Work with me here, is there any of my songs that you’ve heard? NY: I can sing any/all of your songs. MC: Can I request one? Because the two of your teams.... only one will continue in the competition, and now you have to part ways. So the only thing I can think of is “ 让我欢喜让我忧” (Make Me Happy Make Me Worry)

多想說聲我真的愛妳 I want to say I really love you 多想說聲對不起妳 I want to say I’m sorry to you 妳哭著說情緣已盡 You cry and say the relationship is over 難再續 難再續 It’s too hard to continue, too hard to continue

就請妳給我多一點點時間 再多一點點問候 Just please give me just a little more time, just a little more greetings 不要一切都帶走 Don’t take everything and go 就請妳給我多一點點空間 再多一點點溫柔 Just please give me just a little more space, just a little more tenderness 不要讓我如此難受  Don’t make me so uncomfortable

ZHJ: Wait, there’s more I have to sing

妳這樣一個女人 讓我歡喜讓我(+們)憂 A woman like you, makes me happy and makes US worry (he changed the lyrics from “me” to “us”) 讓我甘心為了妳付出我(+們)所有 Let me be happy for you, give US everything

--

1:16:39 - MC: I’ve been listening to a song recently that I really like, and I’ve written down a few of the lyrics to share with you. I think it suits this stage and everyone’s thinking. We say that this society runs too fast sometimes. So how fast is it? [Lyrics to Zhou Huajian’s most recent release “少年” Shao Nian (Youth)]

有时候来不及沉淀　岁月总是跑在灵魂的前面 Sometimes it’s too late to rush, years go by passing faster than the soul 好在还有一点信念　陪我们完成每一天 Fortunately I still have a little faith to accompany us to complete the day 别忘记心中的少年　狂奔的勇敢的 Don’t forget the youth still in your heart, hasty, brave 最初的少年 The youth you were at first

MC: We’ve been waiting six years for a new song from Huajian. Could you tell us about this song? ZHJ: Let me speak directly. For people my age, it’s hard to walk into a record shop... it’s highly likely that there aren’t many songs we can choose to listen to. That’s not to say that the current music of the youth isn’t good, it’s just that when you reach a certain age, there’s inevitably going to be that generational gap. I wanted to be able to give people in my generation a choice. For the past six years I’ve been thinking about this, and it’s only in the past year that I realized that after having written eight songs I was always talking about the past, when I was young. That’s how I thought of the theme, the title- “shao nian.” When I finished making the song I found it interesting. I used the word “youth” to look at the faces of everyone around me. The people I know now, the people I’ve known for years, the people I am getting to know. There’s a youth inside all of us. No matter what age you are now, whether 60 or 70, there’s a youth inside you. Don’t hide them. Let them out. 

Goodbye to Zhou Huajian and Jiang Yiqiao :’(

[whitleyschn33]

RWBY 7 Trailer Thoughts

So, I said I would share my thoughts on the trailer, so here they are! I’m going to start at the beginning and write down what comes to mind for each little section, but since I have seen the entire trailer a couple times now, I may jump forward to connect whatever I’m addressing to something later in the trailer. This might make things seem a bit erratic, so I apologize in advance if this comes out like a lot of rambling nonsense. That said, let’s begin!

1. We open with Ironwood narrating that these are “uncertain times” over a montage of the Kaiju Grimm attack Argus, then cuts to Ruby saying that she’s trying to do what’s best, but doesn’t know if what’s best is what’s right as we see her use her Silver eyes on the Kaiju.

I’m hoping that this line about Ruby not being sure about what’s best being what’s right implies that we’ll get some kind of fallout for the events of Argus. One of my major gripes with the V6 finale is just how dangerous their plan was for the civilians in Argus, and how the narrative so far hasn’t really acknowledged that. The first step of their plan was cutting communications in Argus – something that would have caused mass panic even if they had succeeded and got away without the military noticing in time to send out forces. That panic can and did draw Grimm, and very easily would have killed dozens to hundreds of people. They’re huntsmen and huntresses – even if what’s “best” may be getting the Relic to Atlas, that doesn’t make what they did to do so (putting the civilians of Argus in unnecessary danger) “right”. Anyway, moving on.

2. Next, we get the gang flying into Atlas, whose airspace is completely full of military airships, with Weiss saying that this isn’t right. It then transitions to a shot of Atlas above Mantle, which seems to be on fire, then to the city, then the streets, where we see Atlesian knights patrolling, and only a handful of civilians walking outside, while Blake says the city just seems awful. We see a man throwing a trashcan at a TV screen (which as far as I can tell was showing the “Atlas Broadcasting(?) Network”) while a voice asks “what can we do?” (Can someone tell me who that is? It doesn’t really sound like Oscar or Jaune, and Qrow’s new VA pulls off a much more convincing performance at the end of the trailer, so I don’t think it’s him). Cut to Ruby saying that they didn’t come this far to fail now.

So, from Weiss’s line, we know that this is not how things usually are. The military is on high alert, showing off how strong their defenses are to match the closed off borders. I would guess that this also means troops roaming the city on patrol isn’t how things used to be either. Now, from what I’ve seen, most people seem to be taking this as a sign of martial law, and that theory certainly seems likely – the man throwing the trashcan and the fires we see are all potential signs of rioting, which could be a cause and/or effect of martial law being enacted. I have to wonder if that’s only part of the story, though. Later in the trailer, we see the gang fighting Grimm on the city streets (so I assume that’s what Ruby’s line is directed at), which we know from the leaked storyboards and their clothes happens immediately after they enter Atlas. The only time we’ve seen Grimm inside kingdom walls is during the Fall, so why are they there? What if this is a recent occurrence – a sudden influx of Grimm making it past the defenses and into the city proper? That’s another explanation (or even just another reason in addition to rioting) for troops to be patrolling, and I could very easily see that becoming a vicious cycle. Grimm get in, people panic, drawing more Grimm to the area and making it more likely for them to get it, causing more attacks and more panic, and making the soldiers seem less like protectors and more like ineffective “peacekeepers”. There’s a lot more I could say about this, but let’s keep going.

3. We go back to Ironwood’s voice overlaying what seem to be two/three different fights – the fight in the city streets against the sabertooth Grimm and two different fights in a mineshaft (and yes, they’re mines, the warning signs on the walls warn of deep mineshafts) against a new type of Grimm that I’ve heard are called Centinels and later an Ice Geist. He says, “Until now, I believed it was impossible to truly turn the tides against Salem. We find ourselves in the position of needing…. A new approach. She will keep returning stronger and stronger –“ cut to the new model for Ironwood “- unless we destroy her.” Cut to Ruby saying “Tell us how we can help.”

So, the main thing of interest to me here is Ironwood. We can see from the shot of his new appearance that he’s no longer taking care of his appearance like he did in the first few volumes – the stubble from V4 has become a full grown beard, and his hair doesn’t look like it’s been combed in weeks. The guilt and paranoia that we saw budding in V4 has fully come into bloom, as evident by his lines here, the heightened defenses we saw around Atlas, and the troops patrolling the city. In V4 E11, Jacques accuses Ironwood of never trusting anyone but himself, to which Ironwood responds to “For good reason,” then immediately says, “If Oz had just listened to me from the start…” Ironwood clearly believes that the Fall of Beacon would not have happened had Oz listened to him – used his strategies. Oz’s strategies “failed”, so this reaffirmed Ironwood in thinking that he’d had the right ideas – that if he had been able to control what was happening in Beacon, he could have stopped it. So, now, he’s not taking any risks with Atlas. He’s doing everything he thinks is right to protect the kingdom, no matter how paranoid or insane it seems – closing the borders, dust embargos, potential martial law, whatever it takes to keep the kingdom “safe”. 

Now, this seems to be extending to Salem herself. If Oz was flawed about Beacon, he may be reasoning, why can’t he be wrong about Salem? Maybe there is a way – maybe the strength of Atlas *can* destroy Salem. Salem always seems to come back, maybe she’s just never been completely destroyed, and that’s what we need to try to do to fully get rid of her. Now, we know that this isn’t true, that Salem can’t be killed, can’t be destroyed, but even if Ironwood knows this (from his “believed it was impossible to turn the tides” line), he’s clearly no longer thinking straight. He no longer trusts Oz for having reasons for not simply going after her with an army, since Oz has been knocked down from his pedestal of “all-wise and powerful” with his “death”, so now he’s going to try to go about things his own way… which, from the state of Mantle? Doesn’t seem to be working amazingly well. More on that when I try to summarize my thoughts into a cohesive TLDR.

4. Cue Team RWBY jumping out of a plane into some kind of complex (my guess would be the mines/refineries at the mine site), interspersed with them fighting either the Sabertooths or the Cenitals, and title card.

So, “final” (I say that, but I’ll probably talk about them again) take on the new outfits. Ruby is still my favorite – it still looks really good, the hair is far tamer than I or anyone else thought it would be and I’m glad (though in some places, particularly the concept art that went around like a week ago, it really looks like Cinder, and I’m not sure how to feel about that), since this just gives her hair a more stylized look.

Blake is sitting at my second favorite – I think it’s a look that comes together pretty well, and the hair looks fine (I’ve seen some people complaining about how flat it looks, and I’m just here like, yeah, that happens a lot when you cut it that short, it can lose the volume it used to have). 

Now Weiss and Yang… are now kinda tied. Yang’s outfit looks better than it did in the original art for me, and I think that’s mainly because the belt breaks up the khaki a bit better in 3D, so it’s not just a great expanse of bleh (still think the jumpsuit itself is ugly as hell, but I’ll take what I can get). 

Weiss’s… is still a case where I like the aesthetic they were going for, but it doesn’t come together right. The big poofy skirt looks okay when she’s on her own (sometimes), but next to the rest of RWBY just looks so out of place and in the way and honestly a bit bland. The top half with the sleeves and gloves look… fine, but again, I wish they didn’t poof out the arms so much. The braid… still gives me really mixed feelings because it’s shorter than the concept art, but it’s still looks so thick and heavy, and adds to this unbalanced feeling I get. If it was in the back completely, instead of the side, I would be perfectly fine with it, but as it is, just throws me off. I can see what they were going for, particularly in the clip where she’s fighting a Cenital since that’s where the outfit as a whole looks best to me, but as a whole, there are too many little details that throw me off for me to really like it. Again, that might change when the first episode hits, but for now… eh. 

The title card is pretty, though.

5. Back in the city streets – Qrow comments that he was expecting things to go a lot rougher, Blake and Yang are walking away when suddenly – captured by bolos! We see Blake, Qrow, then Ruby go down, the Relic falling off on to the pavement. A man approaches, while another standing of to the side, and then picks up the Relic. End trailer.

So, first off, major kudos to the new Qrow VA – his performance is outstanding. I was worried that the transition would be jarring, but if I hadn’t known they’d put someone new in, I honestly wouldn’t have noticed. His mimicry of Qrow’s voice is exceptional.

Second, I’m fairly certain that the people that captured the team are Atlas personnel. While we can’t see much, the man in frame wears white and blue, Atlas colors, and has a fairly militaristic haircut. The other figure is either wearing white boots, has a model that hasn’t been completely rendered yet, or seems to be an android, looking at the odd pattern and shape of his feet. I’ve seen some people throwing out the idea that this is Ironwood trying to take the Relic, or Atlas trying to steal the Relic, since the man picks it up, but – guys. Really? We see Ruby talking to Ironwood earlier in this trailer. They’re still in their old clothes, this is episode one. The more likely explanation is that these guys captured them because RWBY and Co attacked a military base, stole an airship, arrived in said stolen airship, and clearly are not supposed to be here if they just suddenly appeared without the border officials being informed, and so are clearly criminals in the eyes of Atlas. So, yeah, my 5 lien are on them spending, like, 5 minutes in jail before they can get to Ironwood, where he (hopefully) reams them out a bit.

So, yeah, that’s the trailer!  No sign of Whitley, which, disappointed by not surprised. I’m gonna hold out hope for him to be in the intro, like in Volume 4. As for what I think may be happening this volume from the trailers, I expect we’ll have a heavy focus on Ironwood, his paranoia, and his relationship with Oz, and how that extends to how the inner circle has operated for the part 10/20/?? years. I also feel like the first big thing to be tackled will be the Grimm in the city. The fact that Grimm are getting in points to a huge breakdown in the kingdom’s defenses, despite the fact Ironwood seems to have ramped them up to 11. So, the question is, where are they coming from, and how are they getting in? Considering that the Centinals break out from the ground, and RWBY and Co are fighting in a mineshaft, I would say that it’s coming from a subterranean pocket of Grimm, like the ones that people of Mountain Glenn broke in on. Since we know Salem is experimenting more with Grimm, it’s possible that this Grimm outbreak is being caused by her seeing how viable it would be to launch an attack on Atlas from underground, where their defenses are at their weakest, and this is showing most prominently in the mines and the city around them/on the ground. Otherwise, it could be possible the SDC, while mining, broke into a cavern full of them. This doesn’t seem as likely, though, with the dust embargo. If the SDC isn’t able to sell overseas, then mining operations were most likely shut down temporarily. No use wasting money trying to get product that you can’t sell. It could be an old mine, though – one that had been boarded up cause Grimm, but that broke loose due to all the negativity caused by Ironwood’s new measures.

But ultimately, we’ll just have to wait and see! Once again, I’m sorry if this is a bit rambling – I have to leave any minute now, so I haven’t given this a through reread, but I want to get my thoughts out there in a timely manner for once, so I’m going to post anyway. Thank you for reading this far! What’re your thoughts on the trailer, the outfits, the potential plot? Feel free to comment below or send an ask, and I’ll talk to you all soon! Have a good day!

[cherry3point14]

DON’T YOU FORGET ABOUT ME

DESCRIPTION: It’s a regular ol’ witch hunt when you find a hex bag stuffed down some poor suckers throat, that is, if you could remember what a hex bag was. A/N: Based during S12, E11 - Regarding Dean. I actually, kind of love this. OK. Thanks, byeeee.  Pairing: Dean x Reader, Sam and Rowena are also there. Words: 11,579. Warnings: Feelings, brief in passing mentions of a threesome, NSFW-ish almost sex dreams.

AO3 link here if you would prefer.

The leaves scrape against your boots as you run with no consideration for your surroundings. Crushed plants underfoot, tree roots that you barely notice in time to jump over, there’s only one thing on your mind,  the same as it’s on Dean’s mind. Getting the witch.

You hear Dean fire a shot so he must be closer, or closer than you at least, you change direction heading towards the sound. You think you’re catching up when you hear it, a rustling. Changing direction again you find yourself coming up behind Dean, his gun raised, and his shoulders tense.  You know he’s seconds away from shooting, so you whisper, “Hey handsome.” It won’t make him any less inclined to shoot but it will mean he doesn’t instinctually spin around and aim at you instead.

It works, as always. There’s a nod, that indiscernible nod that only you see as he keeps his gun trained on the witch. You join him, your own weapon now poised, safety off and finger edged on the trigger.

“You people. You never learn, do you?” Dean’s voice has that low and gruff tone he reserves for lamenting at monsters. “Always trying to run.”

The witch turns around at this. First, you think it’s an act of foolish bravery, look death in the eye and all that, then you see the almost hypnotic purple light. It looks like it’s actually pulsating from the tree, an intricate carving in the wood. It makes both of you lower your guns, not completely but, for a split second, neither of you are toeing that line of almost shooting. You're both lost in the trance for a split second too long.

The light becomes something else, stronger, resonating. It starts to fill the clearing, wiping away all trace of the night, until it’s occupying your entire vision.

The last thing you hear, before you’re thrown backward and land unconscious is, “Dearmad!”

“Y/N, baby, wake up.” This might be a normal wakeup call if your body wasn’t immediately aware of some things that were very unlike every other morning.

There’s the uneven ground you’re lying on, the smell of tree sap, the feeling of chill morning air that signifies the outside.

Then you open your eyes and look up at Dean with mud painted up one side of his face and neck, plus a few leaves poking out of his hair.

“Dean? What happened?” You’re trying to remember but it’s unmanageably fuzzy inside your head, and when he hears your question you can tell he doesn’t remember either.

He’s helping you up, one strong hand on your back and one holding your hand as you leverage up from the floor. “I was hoping you’d remember.” His smile is sweet and innocent, and you only wonder how much you’d both drunk.

You laugh once you’re standing, “why have I always got to be the responsible one?”

He ignores your question when he hears your stomach growl. He glances down at the sound and back to your face, “lucky for you I know where  we’re getting breakfast.”

“Breakfast?” Your eyes light up and a smile tugs at your lips. “Waffles baby, I’m taking you to get waffles.” He wraps his hand around yours, fingers intertwined as he tugs you along. Somehow, you’re not expecting him to pull you out into a park full of morning joggers. It seems too normal a scene to be set against a mysterious wooded area that you just woke up in.

You reach into your pocket with the hand that isn’t being used to lead you, “should we call Sam?”

Except what you pull out is a broken shell of what used to be your phone. You’re frowning at it when Dean turns back to you.

“Nah, I already called him and… huh. Your phone too?” He seems curious and not concerned at all, which is a little frustrating since  you’d liked that phone

“You mean yours is broken too?”

He shrugs, continuing towards the waffle house you can now see in the distance. “Yeah, I borrowed some jogging ya-hoo's phone and told Sam to meet us for waffles.”

Your voice is all disbelief as you ask, more to yourself than him, “what the hell happened last night?”

“Oh. Hey, did you bring any, um…?” Dean asks while you look up from your stack of fluffy, heavenly waffles to see Sam sauntering in, all self-satisfied and smug.

Sam shakes the pill bottle as he sits down and that’s something that catches your attention. “Sounded like you could use it.”

You make grabby hands, which Dean interprets by giving you the first two pills he pours out, before shaking out some for himself.

Sam seems even more amused now as you pop them in your mouth, “you too Y/N?”

“Rough morning. And not the sexy kind of rough.” You answer with no appreciation for how amusing Sam is finding this.

“What happened? I mean you guys went out to get some food?”

Dean is attacking his waffles again, “I don’t know.”

“What does that mean?” You can see Sam is trying to understand.

Unfortunately, he’d need to drink a lot to truly understand. “I guess we blacked out. And judging from this hangover, it was epic.” Dean sports a waffle-y grin.

You grimace at the pounding in your head and Dean’s mention of alcohol, which you were never consuming again, probably. “Can you two be any quieter please?”

Sam lowers his voice as he continues, “Well, I tried calling you. Both of you.”

Dean flashes Sam his broken phone, “not sure how that happened”.

You’re leaning over Dean to get to the fresh stack of waffles that were delivered as Sam arrived when you flick your fork in his direction, “mine’s smashed too.”

Sam does it. You’d been expecting it since he arrived and thus far, you’d been disappointed. He’d been far too jovial up until this point. Finally, he sighs and purses those lips of his into a classic, disapproving Sam scowl, “great. All right, well, I’ll text mom and make sure she knows to get hold of me in case of an emergency. And Cas, in case he tracks down Kelly.”

There’s a large piece of whipped cream covered waffle in your  mouth when Dean knits his brow in confusion. Despite the food, you still try and speak  although it comes out garbled, “wh-ooo?”

“The mother of Lucifer’s love child?” Sam asks incredulously.

Dean nods like he knew that all along, “right, right. Yes, the Devil baby mama drama. Say that five times fast.”

You chuckle as he tries to, and he looks at you with an appreciative smile for acknowledging his comedy brilliance.

“Ok, Dean. You’ve had a good run, but let’s maybe pump the brakes a little bit. I mean you’re not twenty anymore. And Y/N, I thought you were  better than this? You’ve only got a few years on him.” Sam hikes a thumb  in Dean’s direction as he finishes scolding you.

“Okay, one, the rat pack partied till the day they died. And B, I can still kick your ass.”

You playfully nudge Dean, “you sure can,” before you frown at Sam.

Sober Sam seems like he’s getting to the end of his rope now, “ok well the morgue opens in, like, ten minutes.”

“The morgue?”

“Yeah, the autopsy results. Are you still drunk?”

“I don’t think so.” Dean considers carefully.

You at least make an attempt to play along, even if it’s a struggle to do so, “Right the results for the um—the case, right?”

Exasperated Sam recaps. “The dead guy. Throat stuffed full of money. Any of this ring a bell?”

 Dean manages to remember more than you as he pulls the victim’s name out from some recess of his mind and you find yourself impressed. You wouldn’t have remembered that name for a million dollars.

He continues with a run-down of the case you become a little worried. It’s only as he describes the crime scene that the images pop back into your head. As if they hadn’t been there until he told you about them.

“I’m gonna go scope out the body, have fun with your waffles.”

Although you hear Sam’s voice it’s Dean slamming down his cutlery that pulls you back to the present. Yes, you should go scope out the body because maybe that’s why you couldn’t remember. Maybe you didn’t go to the crime scene yesterday, maybe you just needed to get more involved.

As you get up to leave with them a girl appears from nowhere standing in front of  Dean, although her face goes between you both as she says, “hi.”

You smile back at her despite both not knowing who she is and the unexplained jealousy bubbling away under the surface. Dean grins boyishly as he asks, “who are you?”

Or that jealousy might be called for after all, as her reaction to his question is a very angry slap.

Your mouth forms a perfect ‘o’ of surprise as Dean recovers. She stops mid-way through walking away, “like I said, you can do better.”

Dean looks at you hoping you have some insight since she spoke to you, but you shake your head with wide eyes. He takes your hand again like you might decide the random diner girl was right and he pulls you closer before all three of you leave.

“Yep, epic night.”

“I gotta get out of here.” You manage, somehow, fighting against the upchuck reflexes before you push your way out of the room.

Luckily you don’t meet any employees on the way out of the building who might question the professionalism of an FBI agent who can’t handle a dead body. Let alone when the boys will come out, once they’ve finished, and question a hunter who can’t handle insides.

You normally can handle insides. And the blood-soaked money that has been inside someone else, it’s just this hangover. The swirling mess inside your head feels like you’re trying to mix oil and water. And now the sight of all that blood has been added to the concoction. That must be what’s making you feel sick.

You find a bench outside that you fall onto, greedily taking up as much space as possible. Your legs part as much as your skirt will allow, elbows resting on your knees and your head bowed. Your eyes are unfocused in the direction of the floor as you try to calm your threatening gag reflex.

It’s fine though. It’s fine. You were going to be fine. This wasn’t the first dead body you’d seen, and it certainly wouldn’t be your last. You were a big girl and you could handle this. Just take some deep breaths and remember the time that Dean ate so many hot dogs that he almost threw up. That always makes you smile. And it does, at first. Until the hot dogs turn on you as well.

You sit up suddenly, ignoring the head rush when you hear a man calling you.

“Y/N?”

He’s tall, long hair tucked behind his ears and he looks at you like he knows you so you take your best shot, picking the first name in your head, “Dean?”

His face twists, eyes squinting in confusion, “no, it’s Sam. Wow, how much did you guys drink last night?”

Of course, it’s Sam. Obviously. It’s Sam who loves lore and running, for God knows what reason. It’s Sam.

“Sorry, Sam. The-the light was in my eyes,” you lie miserably as you stand up. He seems to accept your excuse even if it was badly delivered.

“Why aren’t you in the car?” He questions as he walks you back to the… the Impala. Clearly.

“Needed a bit of air. Sorry about what happened in there, with the…” he seems to take your inability to recollect the word as you not wanting to mention the… not alive guy? The stiff? The deceased? None of them is the word you’re looking for.

“It’s ok. Turns out our dead guy was offed by a witch. Forced to swallow a hex bag.”

“Dead!” you exclaim as you reach for the back door of the car. He smiles stiffly as you slide in to see Dean, the right one this time, sifting through his keys.

Any concern he had for you is now transferred to his brother.

“Wow. Man, you were serious about epic. It’s the square one.”

Dean seems agitated by this, as if he knew it all along, “yeah. I know.” Except when he starts the engine and looks behind him the car lurches forward, hitting the newspaper racks that you had been sitting next to minutes ago.

“R for ‘reverse’, Dean.” Sam snaps at the guy in front of you.

You should probably be concerned that you had been sitting near there. Or that you couldn’t remember the word ‘dead’ a few minutes ago but it’s difficult to focus. The oil and water feeling is back except intensified. It’s not painful, just messy. Things are cloudy, foggy, and nothing is where you left it inside your own mind. But maybe, maybe that was the shock of the sudden but small crash?

“Listen, guys, I know we haven’t had it easy lately. This thing with the Devil’s kid and getting tossed into West Guantanamo makes me wanna crawl into a bottle too, sometimes.” He was talking but nothing he was saying was making any sense. “But dude, you’re wrecked.” He turns his head to you, “and you’re not much better. We’ve got a case to work so you both got to get it together, all right?”

There’s a beat. You’re not sure why they are being so quiet up in the front seat but you’re silently trying to shake the dizziness of the car while it’s not even in motion.

“Dean? Dean?”

The guy in the driver’s seat asks the question you’d like to know the answer to as well, “who’s Dean?”

The room is already covered in little yellow sticky things. Sam had told you what they were called but you’d forgotten that too so next to the stack was a note that said ‘post its’.

You’d thought Dean calling the lamp a light stick was funny until you’d called the toilet a pee bowl. Since then he asked you whenever you got up if that’s where you were going, to the pee bowl. However, right now neither of you were wrongly naming things, you were trying to drink your problems away. You're cross-legged on the bed holding the tiny vodkas Dean found while Sam talked to someone on the phone.

“Hey, who’s Rowena?” You ask Dean in a whisper, slightly tired of Sam’s face whenever you forgot something.

Dean, remembering more than you, for now, gives you a brief synopsis, “she’s a witch. Pretty sure you’ve met her before. You might have tried to kill her.”

It was frightening that he knew that much more than you. Actually, it was more frightening that you didn’t know how much you’d forgotten. You’d feel normal, having a regular conversation and forget a word suddenly, and other times like this you’d forget an entire person that Dean was ‘pretty sure’ you’d met. Oh and possibly might have tried to kill.

“I’m gonna go get some ice, be right back.” He smiled at you since Sam wasn’t listening to him.

You find yourself laughing as he walks away since he’s stuck a yellow sticky—a post-it—on his back that says ‘Dean’. You can tell he wrote it himself since the handwriting is different from all the ones that scatter the room. As he leaves though, the door slightly ajar, the idea that he felt he had to label himself fills you with a creeping sadness.

“All right so…Dean?” Sam starts as he clicks to end his call.

You look up from the bed you’re sitting on, tiny vodka bottles nestled in your lap and waiting, “he went to get ice.”

“He went to get…? Y/N he could have… Dean!” Sam trails off as he runs out the door and you sigh. It’s all big and sad as you lean back against the headboard left waiting for one man to find the other.

While you’re waiting you decide to start playing your new favorite game. It’s called ‘my name is’ and you invented it thank you very much.

My name is Y/N and I am a hunter.

My name is Y/N and I have been a hunter for five years.

No, wait, six. Six years.

My name is Y/N and when I was a kid I had a dog called Rolo. I named him that because my mom- no my dad used to buy me Rolo's as a treat.

My name is Y/N and my dad died six years ago.

My name is Y/N…

You can feel your breath hitch in your throat, this is an easy one. Your last name. You just had to remember your last name.

Your fingers twitch. You know enough to know there’s a collection of ID’s in your pocket, one of which will be real. You could slip it out and check and you wouldn’t have to go through this ache of trying to remember.

But you want to remember, you need to remember. It’s your last name. You’ve had it as long as you’ve had Y/N. It’s always been yours and just because it isn’t right now doesn’t mean it’s gone. You just needed to remember.

When the door opens and they come bustling in, Dean dropping the ice by the door and Sam talking about yesterday, you’re holding your ID in your hand. Defeated and weak and staring at your name. Y/L/N. As much as you’d tried to convince yourself that you hadn’t lost it the name feels distant. Like all your ties with are slowly being snapped, or never were there in the first place.

“Y/N?” Dean asks. Your Dean with his name on his back to make you laugh.

He’s at your side when you look up at him and he sees the anguish on your face.

“Baby, what’s wrong?” You don’t know if he’s genuinely forgotten that you’re both forgetting things, but it doesn’t matter. He calls you by a nickname he frequently uses, that you actually remember him using, and it’s good. It’s warm in your chest and hearing it from Dean you feel more connected to it than your own last name.

You reach out and run your thumb over his cheek, feeling the wash of scruff against your palm, “say that again, please.”

He frowns but complies, “baby, what’s wrong?”

You suck in a deep gulp of air and let it envelop you. Dean makes you feel safe. Dean makes you feel like you haven’t forgotten anything important because you haven’t forgotten him.

That in itself is enough to perk you up. It’s enough that you crack your face with a forced smile and swallow the sadness. “Nothing, it’s fine, really. Sam found you then?”

Sam speaks up now, “yeah Rowena says we need to kill the witch, so we need to retrace your steps.”

You could easily sink again at his words. The fact that Sam’s plan rests on retracing the steps of two people who can’t remember what an ice bucket is called without having a yellow sticky note on it. But you don’t because Dean saves you from admitting that you don’t remember a single thing from yesterday.

“Ok, so the last thing I sorta remember…”

The whole time you’d been standing in that office you hadn’t felt a dam thing. You hadn’t had Deja vu, no flash of a memory, nothing. The only thing you’d managed to say when you first got there was, “and I was here with you yesterday?” Because you couldn’t believe that you’d ever stepped foot in that room before.

You hadn’t needed to try and remember Sam’s concerned face because he was wearing it while he looked at you and nodded. Eyes all full of the same sadness that filled you up whenever you knew that you were forgetting.

But you’d been there ten minutes and besides Dean stealing a cigar, which makes you roll your eyes, neither of you had remembered anything important.

And then Sam had started dragging you around burger joints and each time he’d ask you with the same hopeful tone if either of you remember anything. It was getting difficult to keep disappointing him, and worse, disappointing yourself. Every time you didn’t have an answer for him you ended up with a hundred new questions.

“Wait. It’s–it’s her from, uh, from the waffles.” Dean says as you’re about to leave the third place.

You look up and see it was indeed the girl who slapped Dean that morning and you all rush over to speak to her.

“If you’re gonna apologize you’d better make it quick”, she tosses at Dean with a fresh batch of side-eye.

“Me, apologize? You smacked me.” You try not to laugh but that morning was one of the few memories you could remember so yes, you were going to bask in the visual image of Dean being slapped. Even if you loved him.

When you look up you realize they’re chasing the poor girl, so you run to catch up with them as she says that Dean told her his name was Springsteen. Your stomach drops and you’re not sure if you want to know what happened here. Besides the whole FBI thing, the only other time Dean used his fake names was when he was trying to pick up a girl. You’d spent enough time in bars with him, before you were together, to know his game.

“This is actually serious, we think my partners here might actually have been roofied. If you can tell us anything that happened that would be a big help.” Sam rambles.

Although she doesn’t seem to believe the story she complies anyway. “Sure. They ordered burgers to go. It was gonna be a minute. We were slammed. Then you both decided that you were gonna start drinking tequila and you guys threw back what four or five shots? He put some ‘sick jams’ on the juke.” She makes air quotes and you snort but she wasn’t done, and she was coming for you next.

“Then you both hit the bull.” She says matter of factly.

“They what?” “I what?” “Both of us?”

Every variation of the question was the same but different, and all uttered in unison.

“Oh yeah, he had the hots for Larry as soon as he walked in here but you.” She turns to look directly at you, ignoring the absolute horror on your face, “decided that if he could do it, then you could do better. You hollered that you 'like being on top’ anyway.”

Dean is the one that feels the need to ask, “was I any good?”

“You were amazing, she was better.” Your cheeks were still burning from the being on top thing but now they’re on fire in the dim light of the bar. “Anyway, we got to talking while she was kicking ass, and I thought we were just going to blow off some steam.” She pauses and throws you a look of apology. "I didn't know you guys were together at that point, but then he started trying to talk me into… you know?”

She looks back to Dean like staring at him will be enough to jog his memory. His still clueless face seems to make her realize that it’s all true. He didn’t know what she was talking about, neither of you did.

“Wow, you guys really don’t remember. Ok well, he was trying to talk me into um, well, joining you guys.”

Sam’s face pales of color as you spin on your heel, “WHAT!?”

The waitress looks like she made a mistake. “I mean, that’s why I told you last night that you deserved better after you got all hot and heavy at the bar and I knew he was serious.”

Dean, after looking everywhere but, finally settles on looking you in the eyes, “what? We’d talked about it!”

You drag a hand down your face in frustration, growling through your teeth. “Yes but you don’t- you don’t just go and pick up someone in a bar without talking to me first.”

“You don’t know that I didn’t talk to you first!” Dean says like he’s won the argument. He should know by now that he hasn’t.

Sam finally cuts in, “I’m sorry, did you see either of them talk to anyone else?”

The waitress decides the safest course of action is talking to Sam from now on, “yeah. My bartender said she saw him run out like his pants were on fire and she followed after him.”

“Great, does this place have security cameras?”

The witch was dead. You knew this because there was a sticky note that said as much, stuck to the wall of the motel. Witch is already dead. Someone else had added a frowny face underneath in a different color pen. Even while holding the pen in question you had forgotten that it was you.

You referred back to the notes you’d been writing on the monogrammed motel notepad you found. Sam is the tall one. He had been reminding you about things that you’d forgotten all day, but more and more you were finding that you didn’t realize that you’d forgotten. Making your own notes at least helped you keep up to date with what you didn't know.

“Hey! No, D-Dean, wait a second,” you hear Sam, the tall one, say as Dean, the hot one, responds to a knock at the door.

It’s when Sam stands up that you call out from the bed, “oh my god why do you have a gun?”

He turns his head to you, gun still raised at the door, with an annoyed glare. Apparently, his patience was wearing thin.

A harmless enough looking woman saunters in like she owns the joint. You look down at the notepad to remind yourself that in fact ‘Super 8’ owns the place although that leads to more questions than it answers. Are all 8 of them really that super?

“Who are you?” Dean asks, saving you the trouble.

“Spells progressed, I see.” She looks at the tall one.

If Sam wasn’t annoyed when he stared at you then he definitely is now, “I wanted intel Rowena, not a house call.”

“Oh, I have a feeling you’ll come to thank me.”

You jot down Rowena has amazing red hair because she immediately seems like the sort of person who will refuse to wear a sticky note.

Dean notices the hair too because he tells her it’s so bouncy and you consider crossing out your previous comment immediately. But your need to remember names trumps the hot feeling in your chest when Dean compliments her.

It doesn’t stop you calling out though, “do you need to keep touching him? I mean I got blasted too, or so I’m told.”

She turns to you with a warm smile, “don’t worry lass. I know, I know, he’s all yours.”

“What do you mean he’s all mine?” You cross out the hot one on your notepad and replace it with the shorter one, in case writing it down is how she somehow found out about your crush.

Tall one intervenes now, “Y/N? Who do you think this is?” He asks with a hand on the other man’s shoulder.

You really try, honestly, you do. You hadn’t told them that you didn’t remember their names because you didn’t want them to be sad. Except now you’re on the spot and you can’t stop your eyes from flickering to the pad that’s resting on your knees, “D-Dean. That’s Dean. He’s um-” Don’t say it, you will yourself trying not to look at the words with a line through them, “he’s the hot one.”

Dean grins and winks at you and you sigh. He could take you right there. Although you look away as red flushes your cheeks. However tall guy seems extremely concerned about the whole situation. He walks calmly to you while you’re still eye flirting with Dean and grabs the pad that was in front of you.

“The tall one? Sam is the tall one?” He questions like your description of him might be offensive. You’re not sure how unless he is somehow unaware of how freaking tall he is. He does soften when sits beside you though, handing you back the notepad and putting a hand on yours. “How long have you not known who we are?”

You shrug, “I don’t know. You just seem really upset about something, so I didn’t want to cause a scene.”

He looks up at hot guy, “Dean, do you know who this is?”

For some reason, your chest constricts while you wait for an answer, although you only feel defective when he looks at you and says, “that’s Y/N.”

Sam presses him, “yeah, that’s good Dean but who is she to you?”

He looks at the ground guiltily as he answers, “I don’t know.”

It’s as Sam sits him at the end of the bed you’re on, with the TV for a distraction that you lean over to whisper to him, “it’s ok if you don’t remember me. I mean I don’t know if it’s ok, but I don’t remember you either so maybe we don’t know each other that well.”

He looks at you and smiles, “You must be right. Pretty sure I couldn’t forget you if I tried.”

You playfully slap his arm before settling next to him to watch the cartoon, “shut up you flirt.”

“Whatever you say, sweetheart.” You ignore the way your still tight chest loosens when he calls you that.

“…would take time, more than they’ve got. Especially Y/N, she’s farther gone than he is.” You don’t know why your ears perk up then, but they do. “They’ve already begun to forget themselves, and anyone they’ve ever known and loved. Even each other. Even you. Soon they’ll forget how to speak, how to swallow and then they’ll both die.”

You look down at your pad again to remind yourself it’s Dean who speaks, “sucks for those two.”

Tall guy had taken you and hot guy into the bathroom. He’d said neither of you had time for him to talk to you separately. You had no idea why you didn’t have the time if he was the one telling the story.

Then again, you’d thought that before you heard the story.

He’d told you that you were both under a spell. He’d told you what you both did for a living and he’d made a joke about the fact that you don’t actually get paid so maybe it wasn't a living. You saved people. You killed monsters. Monsters are real, made it onto your notepad. So many random little notes were added that you’d need to rewrite them later just, so you could read them.

If you had a later. Sam, he’d told you to call him Sam, had said that eventually, this spell would make you forget everything including how to live. He’d told Dean his story and then apologised to you saying that he could only fill in some of the blanks. He’d told you that the only person who knew your history as well as you was Dean.

Then he’d told you about your life since you’d met them. This was a group story starring all three of you. Memorable hunts. Hunts are where you find a monster to kill. Times together in the bunker. The bunker is where you live. He told you how you and Dean got together and how even when you argue you’re both happy. It’s when he’s talking about your relationship that you’d found yourself unable to breathe.

You don’t know if it had been those green eyes staring at you while Sam speaks. Or if it’s Sam telling you this romantic love affair that you don’t remember. Maybe it’s that you don’t have a lot of time left and you need to see the stars. Whatever the reason you stand up from the tiled floor you had been curled up on and tell them both that you need some air.

Sam calls after you, as does the red-haired lady does when you walk through the other room, but you’re already out the door. It's only a few steps before your flight response is overpowered by fear. You don’t know where you are, or where you live, or something as simple as what day it is. The anxiety of getting lost forever keeps you stuck in place until you eventually give up. Sinking to the floor beneath the window and looking up at what you could see of the night sky.

The cool night air is refreshing, and it lightly whips stray hairs around your face. You write that down even though it seems irrelevant. It’s cool outside at night. You like it. Flipping through the pages that you’ve filled already the parts that jump out at you are the opinions. Not the facts that people have told you but the things you’ve decided for yourself. There’s not many but they’re littered about and they feel like, well honestly, they feel like words on a page. It’s difficult to conjure emotion to all of the sentences just because you want to feel. But they are, at least, the most coherent things written down. The facts are written hard and unwavering, your name is Y/N Y/L/N. But the opinions, they’re like a friend talking to you and they’re sometimes completely useless, you like crunching on the ice after you’ve finished your drink.

“That was a good idea you know.” A voice rings out from behind you before it’s owner sits down next to you.

“You don’t have to sound so surprised.” You attempt to jest but the lilt of your voice isn’t there. It’s too uneven, too broken.

He humors you though with a chuckle, “I’m not. You always have good ideas, I’m missing your good ideas right now.”

You’ve given up pretending now. You find the place on the first page of your notes to double-check his name before you speak, “Sam. I know- I know I don’t have a lot of time left…”

“Hey, don’t. We’re going to figure this out.” He interrupts you with a reassuring smile.

“Ok, but let’s say that we don’t. I know you just told us all that,” you wave your hand to signify everything that happened in the bathroom. “Those are stories. Can you, I mean if you don’t mind, but I don’t remember who I was. Can you maybe tell me what I’m like?”

He looks at you like you might have just broken his heart, but he nods anyway, clearing his throat while he figures out what to say. “You hate heights because they give you vertigo. You love winter more than summer because you hate it being too hot. You’re funny but you still laugh at Dean’s bad jokes. You love Christmas and you’ve decorated the bunker every year since you moved in. You’re competitive to a fault. And you can’t sit and read for more than five minutes without humming something and not even knowing you’re doing it, which is not helpful when we’re doing research.”

You look up at him with watery eyes, a desperate smile clinging to your face. “Thank you. It still doesn’t… you could have been telling me about a stranger you know? But thank you. It helps, I think, to know a little about who I used to be.” You tap the notepad where you wrote down every word he said, “at least I have a reference point now.”

There are a few minutes that you sit there, trying to make a connection between his presence and what it would feel like to be friends. Nothing’s there. Although there must have been at some point, right? He knew you, maybe not as well as Dean, you’re told, but he knew things about you. He’d been the one to carefully tell you things all day.

“Y/N, I’ve got to go but you’re going to stay here with Rowena.”

You pull a face, but he leans over your shoulder to point out her description you’ve written, “with the amazing red hair.”

“It’s unnaturally red.” You correct him as you both stand up.

“You’re going to be ok, you and Dean. I promise.” He wraps his arms around your shoulders in an attempt at comfort but his eyes are red, and you don't think from lack of sleep.

“I would say don’t make promises you can’t keep but I won’t remember it anyway.”

Maybe Sam was right, you were funny.

You wake up stretched out on the back seat of a car. The leather is worn and soft, an equally fitting description for the hand that is currently shaking you.

“Hey, wake up, erm. Miss?”

You sit up, a little too quickly when your eyes finally open. “Who are you?”

He holds up a white note, “I don’t know but our brother has been kidnapped by a witch.” Then he holds up another note, “and we have to stay here.”

“Our brother?” splutters out of your mouth. You couldn’t possibly be related to this stranger, could you? 

He shrugs one shoulder, “that’s what the note says.”

You check your pockets while the man, your brother possibly, faces forward again looking out of the windows into the forest you're parked in. The only thing you find is a miniature bottle of vodka and a notepad. 

“Hey, how tall are you?” you ask trying to gauge which description he adheres to.

He whips around worried by the question, “I don’t know. I should know that right?”

You nod seriously, “yeah you should. Why don’t you know that?”

He frowns at you, “ok then, how tall are you?” 

Your mouth opens and shuts wordlessly. Why didn’t you know how tall you were? 

The notepad in front of you, in its own way, answers all the questions for you when you finally read more of it. You are under a memory loss spell. There’s a lot written, some of it so rushed on the paper that it becomes squiggles rather than words, but you read that you hunt monsters apparently. Monsters being real is enough of a revelation, but you’re dumb enough to go out there and hunt them?

“Do you want to be Sam or Dean?”

He turns around again, leaning across the back of his seat, “why are those my only options?”

You hold up the pad triumphantly, “because I have two options here. So, unless you want to be something called a Rowena then you need to pick. Are you Sam or Dean?”

He pulls a face like he can taste something rotten, but his eyes continue to scan the answers you’re proudly displaying, “so I can be the tall one or the hot one?” Fine, I’ll take Dean.” 

You lean back with a finger on your chin and a smirk on your face, “you sure? Maybe you’re tall?”

He pouts, throwing his entire bottom lip out for effect, you don't know why but the sight makes you concede defeat instantly. “Ok, ok. You can be Dean and I’m called Y/N? Wow, I don’t know if I feel like a Y/N.”

“I like it. So, Y/N, wanna bust out of here?”

You feel the grin fill up your face, “you mean run off into the woods with the hot man I’ve only just met? Beats sitting here waiting for the witches to find us.”

As you get out of the car and stretch your legs you hear him behind you, “so you admit I’m hot.”

The guy you’ve been calling Dean just shot a woman and then another woman, who had been magically suspended in the air, fell to the floor. This was not exactly normal, so it was no wonder that you kept your own gun raised. 

When two men come running down the stairs Dean’s gun goes between them until one of them attempts to explain. “Brother,” he says pointing at himself, and then pointing at the other man, “witch”.

You look at Dean to confer, “he is tall.”

Dean agrees with a bullet fired off at the man in the funny glasses and a thumbs up at the man who may or may not be his brother, and your own brother?

“Dean, Y/N what are you doing here?” He asks as he comes down the stairs.

“So, you are Dean!” you exclaim, excited that you’d assigned the correct name.

“I told you Y/N suited you.” He replies with a happy smile. 

You’re all stuck there for a moment. You and Dean are caught in this little bubble of post teamwork happiness and Sam is also there.

Then something happens that knocks you for six. Literally.

Your legs buck beneath you and you tumble to the floor. Both men rush over to you and frustrated tears spring to your eyes as they try to help you up, your legs flailing around beneath you.

“I don’t- I don’t know how to do it.” The words seem so abstract and foreign and ridiculous. That moments ago, you were doing what they’re doing, on two legs and now you felt like the limbs were a separate entity from your body. You willed them to do something, anything, but you couldn’t find the right command inside your head. “What’s- what’s happening to me?”

It’s the woman, tiny and fiery, that answers. Well, not you but she speaks to the tall guy about you, “we need to reverse this spell before she forgets how to do something important, like breathe.”

All you can manage is hot tears that glide down your cheeks as one of the men—you can’t remember his name and right now you don’t care—scoops you up and carries you up the stairs.

The purple light surrounds you, it seeps into every pore and you’re not sure you’d want to escape it if you could. Somewhere far away there’s a voice chanting words you don’t understand but that doesn’t matter. Because the warmth of the purple glow is everything for those few beautiful minutes.

You only know that you passed out at some point because you're aware of becoming conscious again. Hearing heated voices from behind your closed eyes.

"What do you mean she's out? It's your spell!"

"This is very ancient magic, I can't be sure about every little thing. She was further gone than you! She's still breathing isn't she?"

"So, we don't even know if it worked?"

"Not until she wakes up."

That seems like as good a moment as any to open your eyes. "What happened?"

"Y/N" Sam and Dean both call out at once. They're both by your side as you sit up, the hard, wooden floor you'd been laying on making your muscles ache.

"Hey, boys," you look between them with a smile, groggy like you've been asleep for a few hundred hours and yet, you want to curl up and put your head back down still.

"What's the last thing you remember, sweetheart?" Dean holds one of your hands between his as he asks, knotted brow, and lips just parted. You're not sure how long he's been holding you but now that you're aware you have to fight the blush on your cheeks. The last thing you wanted to do was ruin your friendship while he was clearly worried about you.

You scrunch your face while you try to remember. It does nothing to help but at least they'll know you're trying.

"I guess the last thing was… Oh! That hunt we finished a few days ago. The Rugaru in Albuquerque."

It's not the right answer. You don't need to be a psychic to know that. Dean's face falls, you've never seen him look so sad, and Sam looks like he's struggling with some deep turmoil.

"Y/N that was..." Sam starts but Dean jumps in quickly.

"Don't." His voice is low and hard. It's frightening enough that all you can do is stare as he drops your hand and spins around to the woman standing behind him. "Why can't she remember?"

"Dean, calm down." Sam jumps up to put an arm on his brother. Well, that's nice, they were worried about you for all of thirty seconds.

Whoever she is she's rightly scared by the way Dean is towering over her. "I told you this is old magic, maybe with a little more time I could find another way."

"No" he grinds out. "No more magic, no more messing with her head."

"HEY!" You shut out to get their attention. "Does somebody want to tell ME what's going on?"

It's Dean who looks at you and sighs, his entire body seems to exhale.

"Baby, that was three years ago."

He doesn't even seem to notice the nickname that slipped out. You look between them for the joke but find only truth etched on their faces.

"Oh, fuck."

The three days immediately following Rowena's departure had mostly involved screaming matches and solitude.

Dean wasn't telling you something and he'd sworn Sam to secrecy like it was some kind of fucking game. Like it wasn't your life and your three years' worth of missing memories.

The ride home had been a nightmare from start to finish and Dean had pulled over three times only so he could turn around and yell at you properly. Not that you didn't scream back but you weren't driving so you couldn't be all dramatic and stop the car to make a point.

How Sam endured it you'll never know. He gave up trying to referee somewhere around hour two.

Not that he was totally off the hook and you'd both screamed at him at least once during the drive. You told him, at the top of your lungs of course, that he had no right to keep secrets from you, it was your life. Dean, eloquent as ever, told Sam that if he said anything then Dean would murder him.

As soon as you'd got back to the bunker you'd taken a big, over the top whiff and sighed, "home sweet home, OR IS IT, DEAN? DO I EVEN LIVE HERE ANYMORE?"

"WOULD I HAVE BROUGHT YOU HERE IF YOU DIDN'T?"

"FUCK YOU ASSHOLE"

"IN YOUR DREAMS, SWEETHEART"

The funny thing was. He was kind of right.

It had been weird to walk into your room and get the feeling that you hadn't been there in a long time. Like a static photograph of how you used to live. It had been weirder still that there were items of clothing missing and the ring—your mothers ring that you kept on a chain—wasn't on your desk where you left it when you sometimes forgot to put it on after a shower. But you'd moved past that weirdness.

Stranger still had been your dream that night.

You were in a bar that you didn't recognize holding a white check between your fingers and laughing, nudging Dean and asking him how he eats so much. Only to then make him promise to share his chili fries with you in your next breath. He smiles at you, no it’s not a smile it’s a grin, and it softens the pretend annoyance in his voice as he asks you why you don't order your own. Because, obviously, then you wouldn't be able to share his. It's your idea to start drinking tequila because you have more fun that way. It's his idea to keep drinking tequila until you've lost count of how many you've had. The next thing you know Dean is getting on the mechanical bull and watching him raises goosebumps all over your body. He saunters over to you when he gets off, high on the noise of the crowd. As hot as it was you want nothing more than to wipe the smug smirk off his face. Maybe to get him a little hot under the collar too, but mostly you know you can do better. You keep steady eye contact with him as you unbutton the bottom of your shirt and tie it in a knot at your midriff. His eyes are dark pools of lust as you wiggle your eyebrows and go over to mount the beast. You wink at him before the rocking starts and after it does your hips slide forward and back smoothly to match the movements beneath you. You understand why Dean loved this so much. The whoops and cheers of the crowd matched with the swinging metal beneath you is exhilarating, and when you raise an arm in the air as if you're swinging an imaginary lasso the hum of the people gets louder in approval. The guy working the machine tells you that you lasted a full minute longer than Dean. When you haughtily tell him as much he looks pleased that you’ve beaten him. He doesn't say a word as he wraps a hand around your now bare waist and leads you back to the bar where he orders two more shots. His fingers on your skin make you shudder in anticipation. The burn of the alcohol has barely subsided before his mouth is on you, lips crushing yours, tongue delving into your mouth like he already has it memorized. Your hands meet around his neck, pulling him closer if possible. Your nails scratch at his scalp, feeling soft hair against your fingers and resisting the urge to pull it. Not until you get back to your room, you think. You stay like that, pawing at each other, lips either locked with each other's or attached to skin until some guy calls a number that you remember is yours. You press your lips to him one last time and whisper into his mouth that you have to get those burgers. He groans like you've physically hurt him and, considering the hard bulge of his pants as he presses it against you, maybe you have. The waitress holding your bags of food is waiting with a strange look on her face when you walk over. She tells you that Dean's a pervert and you can do better. You've had enough to drink that you laugh it off, taking the paper bags and looking around for your pervert but you see him running through the bar and out the door. The burgers forgotten as you follow him, reaching for your gun from it's hiding place as you burst through the door.

You're covered in sweat as you bolt upright, chest heaving and mind reeling. Unlike a regular dream where you more you clutch at it the faster it slips away, this dream wouldn't leave your head. In fact, the more you thought about it the more intensely you felt every second of it. As you sat in the relative darkness of your room, shaking, it was all you could do to not feel the hungry press of Dean's lips and teeth as they trailed over your throat. Biting and sucking at the sensitive spot that he wasn't supposed to know you loved.

Why was your brain making you dream of him? You'd had enough of him while you were awake and now you had to have bizarro sex dreams about him as well?

Presumably, in the three years you were missing, you never managed to get over your dumb crush.

The next day you keep to yourself, leaving your room for only food and necessary trips to the bathroom. You had your laptop and a few books, so you were not going to run out of entertainment any time soon.

The following day you plan the same, but Sam catches you in the kitchen with toast hanging out of your mouth and coffee in your hands.

"Y/N?"

You take the food out of your mouth before answering because you're not an animal, like some people you can think of. "Yeah Sam?"

"Can we talk for a second?" He motions to the door so you know this is a sit-in-the-library-serious-talk.

You follow him anyway. No matter how early it is, no matter how much you don't want to talk to him, or anyone else right now.

He sits down like with his hands crossed in front of him and the expression he normally uses on victims to make them talk.

"I'm sorry Y/N." You try to resist but you have to admit that his apology does weaken your angry resolve a little. "I know it's hard to understand when it feels like we know everything and you don't, but Dean has his reasons for not wanting to…"

You open your mouth and from the sneer, he can tell that you're not going to say something nice.

He waves a hand, "...that's not, I know you've heard that before, that's not why I wanted to talk to you. I told Dean I wouldn't be the one to tell you the things that he doesn't think you should know. But that doesn't mean that I agree with him about keeping you in the dark. I thought maybe you could help yourself."

"What?"

He doesn't answer immediately as he slips a notebook out of his pocket. It's one of those cheap ones that the chain motels leave around like you're going to write to your loved ones on their crappy motel paper. This isn't blank and unused like these notepads normally are though. This is covered in writing, and by the looks of it, there are pages and pages. And upon closer inspection, it's all in your handwriting.

Some of it is the loopy cursive you use when you're taking your time and some of it is the squiggly scrawl your writing becomes when you're rushing.

"When you started forgetting things you wrote stuff down to help you remember, well not remember but as a reference at least. It's not everything but, I thought it could be a start. And I don't think I'm technically breaking any rules."

You smile at Sam, the crafty little minx he is, "You're hoping to get off on a technicality?"

He holds his hands up again, this time nonchalant as he gets up and walks away, "Get off for what crime? That was probably in your bag when we left the motel, you just forgot about it.”

He has the audacity to wink at you before he goes. Although you want to tell him it's too soon to be joking about your memory you're much more curious to read, in your own words, exactly what you didn't want to forget.

It takes a while to get through it. There's an insane yet elaborate system of cross-referencing in the first few pages where things loop back on each other. You end up spending a bit of time figuring those parts out. You'd apparently made up some key in your head to make it easier to find information, but hadn't thought to write the key down, despite the fact that you were losing your memory. As you progress further it gets more scrawled with more writing fit onto each page. Clearly, at the start, you weren't forgetting everything but the further you read the more you seem to lose everything about yourself.

The tall guy put on a cartoon about a bunch of teenagers who hunt ghosts. Although they don't seem to hunt real ghosts like the hot guy says that you gank. Gank means to kill.

You're sitting cross-legged on your bed when you get to it, something that feels important. It's on page fifteen that you start writing fast and heavy like you don't want to miss a word. And you start this page fresh like you had a pre-warning that it was going to bw significant. It's a few more pages in, past the stuff about hunting and the spell, that you start writing something unexpected.

Sam says that he doesn't know all of your past, but he knows the past four years, that's how long you lived with them. He says the first year was the worst because of all the tension between you and Dean. He says Dean fell for you the first time he saw you and he doesn't know when you fell for Dean. Eventually, it was obvious that you both liked each other, to everyone but you both. He says if you weren't fawning all over each other when the other one wasn't looking, then you were at each other's throats. Sam almost locked you in a room together but in the end, he didn't need to. He said that once you were both told you couldn't have sex because you joined a church chastity group the tension got, his word, weird. Sam says you're both in love.

There's a pause there. You stop writing on that page so the last thing that written is that you're in love. You re-read the words a hundred times. You have to put the pad down for a second and take a break.

You think back to the look on his face when you said you didn't remember anything from the last three years. You remember wondering why he looked so torn up about it. It starts to make sense

But were you…? Were you in love with him? Sure, you definitely had thought about him like that. It would be hard not to after that dream a few nights ago but Sam had been right about at least one thing when he told you your story. You had a crush on him, you had feelings that were, as far as you remember, unrequited. But that was the point, right? You didn't remember.

Just because you didn't remember does it mean that it didn't happen?

It's as a distraction when you pick up the pad again and turn to the next page. Forgetful Y/N had questions too.

If Sam says I'm in love with someone, that I have been for years, does it make it true? How do I know if it's true? Sam says that you make each other happy. He says that's important and he doesn't want you both to lose that. Sam doesn't seem like a liar. It's cool outside at night. You like it.

You wish you knew what happened that made you so abruptly stop thinking about this. It's a choked laugh as you think, maybe you forgot about it. What did you think about this when you re-read it while you were under the spell? Did you re-read it at all or write it down, in case?

You want to go find Dean but you're still not sure what to say or how you feel. You can't bear to see that look of sadness on his face again and you're not even sure if any of this makes a difference if you couldn't feel it?

You're still arguing with yourself as you fall into a fitful sleep. The notepad tucked under your pillow.

Sam was a sneaky fuck.

He'd lured you out of bed with the promise of a case. Let you get dressed and waits until you’re loading your duffle into the trunk to come out. He tells you and Dean, who was already in the driver's seat ready to go, that he was staying behind.

Stomach problems he'd said while patting his flat and perfectly functional gut.

How dare he.

And worst of all is that Dean hadn't even yelled. Sam had left so quickly after his excuse that all you'd seen through the back window was his shoulders slump. He didn't hate you, he wasn't angry, he was too exhausted to be doing this, alone, with you.

You'd almost run into the bunker and told Sam to stop dicking around and get in the car. To tell him that he was causing more pain than was necessary and he needed to stop. But Dean had finally expressed himself in the form of an extended honk and then a gruff, "you coming or what?"

That's how you'd ended up sitting in the passenger seat, as close to the door as humanly possible, while Zeppelin fills the space between you both. Ensuring not one of you thinks of talking.

It's got to be two hours in when you fall asleep.

Not that you mean to fall asleep, it's a pet peeve of yours if you're the only passenger. You've delivered very strong lectures in the past about it being the only passenger's responsibility to stay awake and keep the driver entertained. But it's been two hours without a word and it wouldn't be the first time you've fallen asleep with the music as loud as it is.

The dream this time is as real as before.

You're in the Dean cave. The man in question is sitting on his recliner and you are curled up on his lap, back pressing against his chest and eyes glued to the screen. You're watching ‘Home Alone’, one of the top five best Christmas films, and your lips move silently along with about 80% of the dialogue. Dean's arms are wrapped around you, one hand drawing shapes into your thigh. He leans in to press his lips to the back of your neck and although you lean into him your eyes never leave the film. A few minutes later and he's sucking the skin between your shoulder and neck, that sweet spot that always makes your knees wobble. Even as you let a small moan escape your lips you don't look away. Not when it's 9 pm and Harry and Marv have shown up. He keeps his lips on you for another minute, pulling another moan from you when he trails a hand from your thigh to the waistband of your sleep shorts. You pick up the remote and pause the film. You pout at him and ask him if he's even watching the cinematic magic that is happening on the screen. He thinks he's being funny when he answers no, but you're prepared for his shenanigans. You say you're sorry for distracting him from the film and get up and move to the empty recliner. Even though your body objects, you were enjoying yourself after all. But Dean clearly had no idea how seriously you took the holiday season and he needed to learn. You give him a shit-eating grin and a wave before you press play again. You tell him you hope he'll be able to appreciate it now without distractions but it's his turn to pout. He presses out his bottom lip knowing that you never can resist it. Tonight, for maybe the first and last time, you manage the impossible. You might squirm in your seat while you continue watching, you might drum your fingers against the arm of the chair but you don't give in. You finish and you're smiling, and everything seems magical. That is until you look over at Dean with his head back, mouth open, and light snores rumbling from his chest. You shut the TV off and double-check the door is shut before you slide out of your sleep shorts and panties, leaving you only in the big, fluffy sweatshirt you're wearing. You deftly slide back onto his lap but facing him this time, legs either side of his, as you slide your hands up his chest. He startles awake at the sudden contact, but it takes him all of a nanosecond to realize what's going on. He at least gives you the courtesy of looking sorry that he missed the end of the film while his hands glide up your legs and over the globes of your ass. The moment of recognition when he realizes you're not wearing anything, except the sweatshirt, is priceless. You wish you could take a picture and keep it forever. And then he growls against your lip as he pulls you in for a kiss, the sound pooling in your center and…

There's a bang on the roof of the car that wakes you. You open your eyes shakily to see Dean is already out of the car, his duffle hiked over his shoulder while he wanders over to the small office to get a room.

You move out of the car and to the trunk for your bag in a trance. In a hot, post-almost-sex-dream trance that's left your entire body tingling.

These dreams are too vivid, too specific to be the product of your ridiculous crush on him. And that's when the obvious answer hits you straight between the eyes.

What if they're not dreams? What if they're your memories?

Your mind goes back to your notepad, the one tucked into the side pocket of your bag, and those words written in your own hand. Sam says you make each other happy. Then you think about the bunker and your room that seems like it hasn't been lived in. And the folder of photos you found on your laptop the day before of you and Dean. Dumb selfies taken when the other one least suspects it like it’s a long-running game.

You might not be ready to say that you love Dean Winchester but maybe you could make each other happy?

He returns with a room key and mumbles that there's only one room free. You follow him wordlessly, wandering into the room and sitting on one of the two beds and not knowing what to say. How do you start a conversation like this? The only actual conversations you’ve had since you'd forgotten a huge chunk of your life, were screaming matches.

And then it comes to you, "Dean, have you ever seen Home Alone?"

He's sitting at the small table in the room, the case file in his hands, and scanning the contents. He looks up like it's an innocent question at first, "yeah, we watched it..."

His eyes go wide but the rest of him doesn't move, "how do you- how did you know about that?"

You want to look at your hands or the floor but you force yourself to look at him. "I've had a few dreams that I'm starting to think aren't dreams."

You start walking towards him. You can see the heavy gulp in his throat as he asks, "Yeah? Dreams, huh?"

"Yeah. They're too real to be dreams but they're all about me and you and..." You never finish because as soon as the words 'me and you' tumble out of your mouth he's out of his seat meeting you halfway. Both his large, calloused hands cupping your face. He's inches from kissing you when he looks into your eyes and lets that nickname fall from his lips, "baby, do you remember?"

You look up at him through your lashes. You can't seem to settle on one thing to look at, his lips, his eyes, everything about his face is perfect down to the way he’s staring at you. "Not everything but, I mean, bits and pieces. And I want to remember the rest if you'll help me catch up."

He kisses you to answer your question. And to you, it's like a first kiss all over again, it's new and hopeful and it makes you feel complete even if you're still missing time.

It's hours later when you're lying in bed, naked, with Dean. Dean Winchester. There's a part of you that still finds it unbelievable because there's a part of you that has never done this before. A part of  you with a dumb crush that you thought nothing would come of. A much bigger part of you can't believe you'd forgotten the feeling of home that came with being wrapped up in his arms.

He's telling you random stories, whispering them to you in the now dark room like secrets. He told you about your first time and you tell him you can't wait to have that dream. He tells you about one of the many times Sam has walked in on you both. Apparently, because you find him so irresistible and can't help yourself. You don't admit it but he's completely right of course.

He falls asleep before you after he finishes the absolute lie that you make him a pie every week. You remind him that your memories will all come back eventually, and he'll pay for it then.He smiles in his sleep, pulling you close, and you think, maybe you will make him a pie every now and then. You might not be ready to tell him you love him—you had some catching up to do before that could happen. But you don't need a notepad to tell you, that you want to make him as happy as he makes you.

[crossedbeams]

ROSE REVIEWS… THE X-FILES - S1.E11 Eve

<<1.10 Fallen Angel ———————————  1.12 Fire >>

I’m salty today and what better way than to transfer that into something positive than to finish this long overdue and almost certainly irrelevant recap of Eve. Read on for children who are almost as scary as their acting is bad, prison aesthetics and idiotic blithering by me.

THE PLOT

The fathers of creepy children are being exsanguinated on opposite coasts and Mulder wants to know the aliens have upgraded from cows. IVF suspicions run wild and with a little help from good old Deep Throat, the terrific two suspect genetic government experiments gone wrong may be responsible for the shenanigans. When the creepy kids go missing, things escalate and soda becomes a very dangerous refreshment...

Let’s go...

MY STREAM OF SEMI-CONSCIOUSNESS

Ah. The X-Files, the show that is always a scenic autumnal bath for my eyes…. And where under the leaves there is probably a dead person eaten by a molewoman or an alien. Honey? I’m home.

We find ourselves in an idyllic suburban neighbourhood, (always bad news on screen), where very concerned joggers approach an underdressed child and her stuffed animal. It’s hard at this stage to decipher whether the kid is creepy or just a really bad actor but the suspense synth hardly encourages us to give her the benefit of the doubt...

They head to the backyard, where peppy jogging neighbour fails to notice that the kid’s dad is dead coloured, posed like a corpse and basically, stereotypically and obviously dead... until he claps him jovially on the shoulder causing a tragicomic half slump of dead dad, and exposing vampiric looking marks. The kid screams, not sure why, she’s way too far away to see anything. This is the point at which I begin to suspect that she is both a bad actor AND entry #224 in the Vancouver local listing of Creepy Kids for Hire. Move over Conduit boy!

CREDITS!

This week we only wait 2.5 mins for our special baby Agents to materialise, Scully dressed as a Catholic grade schooler and Mulder wearing a tie designed, as far as I can tell, to look like mushroom soup with licorice allsorts floating in it.

Their poor fashion choices don’t seem to put them off them though, and we zigzag between lip biting (Mulder), making weird moany noises (Scully), and the level of inter office eye contact we’ve come to expect from these fluffy baby agents all set to a soundtrack of cattle mutilation chatter. And our series first (!) cow slideshow!

Scully is still naive enough to ask why Mulder believes cattle mutilation is linked to aliens. Give it a few weeks and you’ll realise that aliens is pretty much always the answer to “Why….” on the X-Files and that eyebrow is the only appropriate response before you just go with it.

I can’t wait :D

As Mulds and Sculls traverse some stairs, I realise that creepy kid #1 is called Teena. Spelled the same as Mulder’s mum. Because apparently the X-Files name bank isn’t only shallow in the male department. Also is Teena a normal spelling in the States? Here it’d only really be Tina….

I then get distracted by Scully in the biggest of purple coats. I’d love to see S1 Scully’s closet. A symphony of oversized pastels with overcoats to clash… don’t worry though hon. You’ll get some style later though for the bargain price of two (2) family members and also your ova. Poor Scully.

Scully also looks incredibly young in this scene, speaking all soft to the kid. Moments like this I struggle to believe that Mulder “never saw her as a mom” until Home. She’s all melty round the edges even though the kid is weird and creepy.

When creepy Teena starts talking about red lightning, the massively coached and unnatural pauses in dialogue and the trouble pronouncing exsanguination are just so glaring you can’t believe that this kid’s innocent charade will hold up as long as it does. But it all adds to the creep, just in time for…

**bring bring ** Scully leans in to kiss her spoopy partner tell Mulder there has been another murder. Darn. Seriously though. Close talkin to the power on uuuungghhh right here. No wonder this fandom is so thirsty.

We’re in Vancouver San Franciso, still in giant coats, for another exsanguination and what we now know is death by digitalis. Mulder says that the two estimated times of death were at the “exact same time” and I chuckle to myself like the pedant I am. Estimates cannot be exact dumdum. It also takes the edge off him mansplaining timezones to Scully. SHE IS A MEDICAL DOCTOR DAMMIT. 

This scene has very nice warm, sunsetty lighting which is nice as our Spooksters demonstrate why the X-Files department is always over budget; they’ve flown cross country to do two laps of a crime scene while reading a file aloud and the kid they wanna question isn’t even in town. Where is she? I’m glad you asked, coz remember that sunny warmness? Well it’s over.

Back on the east coast, creepTeena is getting outcreeped by a thunderstorm and what appear to be disembodied footsteps at her door. We see nothing but a flash and then the door is open. It’s tense and I’m pretty sure this is never explained, raised as a concern beyond “she got abducted”?

A new day means new suits, Mulder in a tie inspired by parquet flooring and Scully in eggshell and pinstripes and a brown trenchcoat named regret. It’s a lot to process and they still don’t seem overly concerned about Teena’s kidnapping. Despite his post Samantha abduction PTSD, Mulder’s only contribution is a dramatic sky point and the suggestion the cops need to look up, but then dun dun dduuuuunh - there’s another one.

Sinister Cindy in the house. Literally.

She informs them she has lived there “since she was born eight years ago”. Zero inflection with that info and a sentence structure as unnatural as the phenomena Mulder wants to blame. Deffo a rent-a-creepykid. 100%. The woodenness only adds to it.

Commence super awkward kitchen convo where they Mulder and Scully try and fail to find a tactful way to imply Cindy might not be this grieving wife’s legitimate child. A birthing video is offered and declined. Thank god. Imagine is CHris Carter had to watch rushes of an actual woman’s vagina with a female child emerging. 

Mrs Reardon’s insistence that Cindy was daddy’s girl is pretty horrifying once you know how it ends. Damn creepy kids. Listening in while watching politics, Cindy is infinitely creepier than Teena and I don’t know if that’s a good thing or not for this kid “actor”.

Back in the car and Mulder is still pretty blase about Teena’s abduction/kidnap, though I forgive him because his flippant potato/potahto is adorable and he does hang out in the bushes to try and protect Cindy from getting nabbed sending Scully off to the IVF clinic alone. Ahh... the foreshadowing is out there.

At the Luther Stapes Medical Centre, a doctor mansplains IVF to Scully. She does not punch him. Another way that she is better than me.She does however, maintain super intense eye contact with him for the entire walk and truly it is a miracle she doesn’t fall over.

The next scene is pretty uneventful except that I can honestly say that Sally Kendrick is the last human I would want toying with my cervix. She’s...robotic and it looks like she has to work out how to sit down like a human. She could give Theresa May lessons.

Back at the hotel there’s some funky camera panning that I am here for and also I think there is some dialogue but let’s be honest.... this is more important 

Yes Professor I would like some extra credit and may I also just smooth your poofy hair.

Even Scully knows it. Hence her confusion at being ushered out, for no obvious reason. She just wants to look at him and maybe get inside his shirt and ... and... Mulder’s “what’s a girl” is cute.... but this is cuter. (even more overanalysing of this scene here for ya glasses lovers). 

Instead of meeting a girl, Mulder meets Deep Throat in an excessively aesthetically pleasing place. Honestly, Eve is a beautiful episode. Despite the creepy kids and imprisoned women. (Eve Aesthetic here). DT seems very concerned that Scully not be invited and while I’m sure that this has some link to the possibility of spy!Scully, it reads more as jealous older manfriend wants pretty Mulder to himself. And honestly I get it. God, fic has ruined me. Anyway, enough of that, enjoy this picture of pensive waterside Mulder and try to recall the specifics of the Deep Throat reveal. Project Blah. Boys called Adam. Girls called Eve. Clones. Bad. Disaster. EVE-il is at work. ¬¬ (sorry)

Mulder has brought sunflower seeds because meeting an informant without snacks = rookie error. 

The important thing to note is that Deep Throat basically sets the stage for the Super Soldier Arc and everyone forgets about it when they actually get to the super soldier arc. God, for a continuity pedant, my fave is SO problematic!

Deep Throat finishes by telling Mulder he’s scored him front row seats to what’s left of the whole fucked up thing.

Cut to the most aesthetic Institute for the criminally insane and after some hot DAMN camera angles we get panic buttons and a tromp into the deeps where they keep all the government created monsters, including Eve 6.

I just wanna take a moment away from my snark and give a huge shout out to Harriet Harris who is SO good and creepy in this episode. A lot of the Season 1 extras/bit parts are average to the extreme and honestly, Harris makes this episode. Without her eyeball biting, jerky, wild eyed delivery, this ep would be as mediocre as the creepy twin actresses.

Now we’ve got that out of the way - we find out that Eve 6 screams when the lights are on but is fine with  an industrial sized flashlight being shone all up in her face.  Nobody’s ever got a good look at her... except presumably the person who undoes her straitjacket so she can pee? And now Mulder and Scully.

Eve 6 is my fave Eve tbh. She’s this perfect mix of terrifying and pitiful, alludes to the telekinetic connection that the younger Eve twins later reference, and is the kind of proof of government misdeed that and older Mulder and Scully despair of, delivered while they’re way too young in their partnership to do anything about it. She tells them that Eves are into suicide, psychosis and murder, and on exiting, our baby agents still don’t suspect the kids.

(Break for actual analysis) It struck me during this scene how this case tunes into both Mulder and Scully’s demons. For Mulder, it’s the missing girls and the incarcerated Eve represents a scenario that could explain Samantha’s absence in the most horrifying ways. What if she is a locked up experiment just like Eve 6? For Scully it’s a visceral representation of her struggle between scientific duty and Christian morality. The creation of Eve 6 is an aberration against both good scientific practice AND the divine right of Good to control life and death... and yet she is also a victim who did not choose too be engineered and while Scully tries to question her, maintaining composure, this face/stress swallow really says it all.

Just to double the sucker punch we cut to Cindy asking the lord to take her soul, her mother looking on with a mournful doomladen stare before telling her daughter how special she is. Cindy is unmoved, because she is special(ly evil) and Mama Reardon leaves, bereft of her husband and unacknowledged by her kid. We get it Chris Carter. Genetic experimentation BAD, family GOOD, foreboding, CHECK.... now can we just-

Mulder Scully stakeout! There is no iced tea in the bag and when Mulder posits that the adult Eves 7 & 8 did done the murders, Scully pulls this face, and mutters without much conviction that she was beginning to suspect the girls. 

GOOD CALL SCULLY

Except Mulder then says “no no and here is why” and Scully just goes with it. The whole delivery at set up of this scene feels very Season 1, by which I mean Scully vacillates wildly between submitting to Mulder’s experience and being done.with.his.shit, Mulder gets all the big lines/theories/feelings/hunches and Gillian especially (and David to a lesser degree) seem unsure how to play their nuances and dynamic. Essentially it all becomes irrelevant because CRISIS takes precedent but being the super-nerd I am, this stuff fascinates me as evidence of them still learning their characters. No way S5 Scully gives up on a plausible theory so easily, even if it makes 8-yos into suspects. If cats can be evil, these staring, soulless kids can be too.

Cue Mark Snow jangles and Cindy and her similar to Teena’s bunny rabbit run away from her terrifying wall dolls and many crucifixes towards the window where she makes terrifying eye contact with Scully’s binoculars before getting grabbed by someone who is considerate enough to announce themselves by turning on the lights?!.

Mulder will take the back! (any time Mulder. Any way ¬¬ ) and sets off with his almost convincingly held gun/torch combo while Scully takes the indoors. This is, invariably, only going to go one way.

DOWN GOES SCULLY!

Sally Kendrick/Eve? leaps through the window where Mulder confronts her by asking her which Eve she is, allowing her a chance to pull a gun, shoot at him and escape and this is why you don’t want S1 Muldo and Sculls handling your home invasion. I mean who holds their gun like this, takes out a psychopath and ends the day without a hole in them?

Fox “Thinks he can outrun a car” Mulder is who. 

I love his idiot face though.

Despite the fact that Cindy didn’t struggle/scream/react to her apparent kidnap at all, Scully’s remaining focussed on the adult Eves in support of Mulder’s dismissal of her earlier theory... well I already said it but - *sigh*

After Scully briefs the police and Mulder tries to reassurea distraught Mrs Reardon that her increasingly abnormal daughter will be found we get the kind of side by side, meaningful  moment that I am here for all day long. Except that the height difference is so extreme that they never actually get Scully in focus!

And Scully’s “and then what” brings us back to unsettling truth that even if the kid gets found, things aren’t looking good for her given how much murder is in her genes. Poor Mrs Reardon.

Very X-Files, through-the-motel-sign shot and we see Sally Kendrick taking Cindy into motel to meet Teena. The girls look... creepy... and Kendrick looks weirdly and simplistically happy given that she has multiple abductees, severe genetic issues and the FBI on her back. Maybe poor old Sal just wants a normal life? Unlucky girl, this is the X-Files, no happy ending for anyone EVERR. Except possibly a two-faced rapist who likes Cher but that’s for another time.

Back to Sally Kendrick who is rocking a poloneck and showing a remarkable lack of nutritional concern for someone supposedly a genius. Pretty sure 8 cartons of fries are no better for psychotic murder-kids than regular ones. She begins to explain that she was pretty hopeful that she’s evolved the murdering out of her second batch of Eves but turns out she actually made it worse! Let’s pop a check in the box for “playing into popular concerns about genetic testing” and “reasons you shouldn’t do it yourself”. She tells Cindy and Teena she’s “disappointed” that they’ve done murders ahead of the curve. They are not bothered which is unsurprising given they don’t know her/are psychopaths.

Aesthetically this scene is very pleasing and the lack of stilted kid dialogue “we just knew” vs. long sentences definitely adds to tension. As does the total lack of background music. Hearing even these fairly limited actors candidly and remorselessly admit to murder is effective. And Kendrick’s slightly desperate plea that they not think that way, that they be “better” as she designed has the double effect of showing her own Eve-y instability and her very human desire to not have made a horrible mistake in creating this terrifying she-devils.

Sorry Sal.

Genetic destiny’s a bitch

And the X-Files narrative demands that when you play god you get dead. unless you’re the CSM in which case you probably drink digitalis and kale for breakfast to aid skin regrowth. Bye bye Sally Kendrick. Thanks for the creepers.

On attending the crime scene, Mulder and Scully are midway through being told that the scene is undisturbed when they hear stuff breaking. This prompts some X-Files-Action-MagicTM and some truly outrageous faces by Gillian.

Yup

What is most disturbing on rewatching is that with the scene secured, Scully confirms death and Mulder goes to gaze out the window while the Creeper twins cower and cry on the floor. Noe we know they’re guilty AF by this point, but in the narrative DumbScull and MulderingItOver haven’t quite got there because they’ve been too busy gazing at each other so we have two children just whimpering in the corner while Scully pokes a corpse and Mulder mulders about. 

Scully does eventually go and pat them. And again I say fuck you CC and anyone else who “didn’t see her as a mother”.

Mulder volunteers to chaperone the creepsters to hospital and beyond and the guy in charge kinda just goes “meh”. Pretty sure some liberties have been taken with child service procedures but hey, at least this means we’re almost at the crescendo moment. Right?

Having loaded them into the car, where their spiffy red outfits match the velour upholstery and promised they’ll talk about “what happens next” (again, is this really FBI jurisdiction? Fox Mulder counselling bereaved kids seems like a HORRIBLE plan to me) , Scully and Mulder note the girls attachment and somehow miss the horrifying expressions of murder on their creepy little faces. 

Again though #aesthetic

Cue some spangly night driving music, Mulder looking all pops over a red vinyl steering wheel, Scully playing mom and the creepsters plotting murder in the back. Ver ver X-Files. They pull up to a used car lot masquerading as a rest stop and go for a group wee,Mulder makes the rookie error of a) hyping evil kids with sugar and b) letting them order a murder weapon, and as soon as Scully’s distracted, one of the creepsters, possibly Sinister Cindy creeps out to spike the drinks. 

Now at this point, honestly, I’m questioning the kids narrative motives. Yes they’re murderous, but aren’t they also meant to be hyper intelligent? Amd getting marooned at a nowhere rest stop, with the corpses of two FBI agents seems SUPER dumb. Like they’re a bit small and loudly dressed to hitch a ride to Vegas and make it on the strip. What gives, creepsters?

The waitress tries to stop her plan by insisting she wait to take the soda until it’s paid for, but is way too easily placated by the kids excuse. Stick to your guns lady, you might just stop a murder.

Although apparently nobody is paying any attention because THIS ISN’T SUSPICIOUS AT ALL IS IT?

Apparently Mulder doesn’t think so, even knowing digitalis is sweet and that there is something weird afoot, he doesn’t question his super sweet diet drink or the kids totally normal and not at all weirdly resistant to drinking sugar free soda and just does this. Seriously it’s like he wants to die in agony.

Scully’s not much better, simply commenting on the “syrupy” taste. MMhmm. Bitch. You’re a medical doctor with a previously voiced suspicion. Quit sipping the murder juice.

Fortunately, after some suspenseful drawn out paying and a forgotten key excuse, Mulder FINALLY twigs when he finds some green goop on the table. Apparently murderTwin is cackhanded when she pours and Mulder, having licked the poison just to check it’s murdery enough (I just cant even) rushes outside to karate chop Scully’s drink away from her in a way so unsubtle that the creepers escape.

Which is actually great news because it gives us all the chance for a nice dark, X-Files bread and butter cat and mouse around a truckstop, cool lighting and tubey-arty stuff sequence. Which I’m here for. 

Despite some pants ruining puddles, the twins are quickly apprehended except for some gun wielding truckers interfere because in this universe regular citizens can hold law enforcement at gunpoint and prevent them doing their job/identifying themselves and anyway everyone almost gets shot and the kids run off again. I should probably insert some pithy political point here about arming the kids too but I’ve been writing this review for 84 years and I don’t have the energy.

Fortunately, at this point Mulder and Scully rediscover some investigative nous and having flashed an ID and truckboy, they trick Sinister and Creepy into thinking they’ve sped off after a school bus. Mulder goes full on child catcher and nabs them with a “gotcha” and is finally deaf to their “we’re just little girls” plea.

I’d like to take a second to flag up his response “that’s the last thing you are” because he’s wrong too. They are little girls, as well as psychopaths, and everyone’s insistence that they must be one thing or another is a device for narrative obfuscation as old as the bible. The appearance of beauty/youth/innocence is not mutually exclusive of the presence of malign intent or evil. Just ask Henry James/Oscar Wilde. Or me. I literally wrote a dissertation on this so. Yeah. They can be little girls and killers Mulder. Don’t be reductive.

But I guess we do need the simplicity of “this kid is evil” otherwise Mrs Reardon ripping her daughter out of a picture and burning it would be more conflicting and we’re only on season 1. 

Likewise the disturbing concept of two eight year olds in a secure prison. I mean yes thy’re creepy but - duh duh dunnnnh - rescue is at hand! Eve 8 shows up for them and once again thy “just knew”. This is the kind of X-Files ending I love. This is the kidn of story I would have loved the revivals to pick up. Imagine (recast) grown Cindy and Teena, off doing murdery clone stuff. Yep. Okay. I’m done now. This is the end. 

Except the score. Which is...

A solid “C” Grade (26/50)

Plot 6/10 - It’s entertaining and a good idea but I penalised it because it depends on Mulder and Scully being super slow on the uptake. That said, they do actually solve the case.

Mulder  6/10 - Mulder is in charge (thanks S1) and presents a mess of grieving brother, heroic car catcher and good cop. Good, in character stuff but not exceptional.

Scully  4/10 - Scully seems to forget she’d an MD and a badass here. She lets Mulder talk her out of (correct) suspicions, gets taken down in the action scene and generally second fiddles. She’s a cute mom but not the Scully we want to see.

USP 3/5  - This was an ambitious idea, beautifully presented, and while it didn’t quite get the polish to make it iconic it is memorable, creepy and a good representation of S1 bread and butter eps. 

Other Characters  5/10 - These points are all for Harriet Harris. None for you creeper twins. None for you.

Bonus points 2/10 - One for being aesthetically pleasing. One for the dorky, cute, feeling out Mulder/Scully moments (motel urnghh) and also their mom and pop act at the rest stop.

That’s all for now folks. I’ll probably have the next one done this decade. Fire. Goodie.

<< 1.10 Fallen Angel ———————————  1.12 Fire >>

[thethirdwheel404]

Med Rewatch Series (#11)

S3 E11: Folie À Deux.

Episode description: Dr. Rhodes and Dr. Bekker try to save a misdiagnosed patient while Dr. Choi is on a mission to figure out what happened during a stabbing at his apartment complex.

I remember this episode being a really good one for the psych team (subsequently Sarah, we don’t care about charles). And based off the description, i’m pretty sure this is the one with ethan and april running around in minimal clothes having a nerf gun fight. fun idea. oh, also, ava mention in the description, so it should be good.

Let’s get into it.

- i remember this one, the two neighbors are having a shared delusion or something

-FUCK

NONNONONONONON

-i’m gonna need a minute

- i did not realize this was the episode they introduce sarah’s dad

- COME ON MAN

- i screamed out loud.

- I’ve actually completely forgotten the storyline

- the fact that ava and connor seemingly work on sarah’s father (and sarah and ava interact once? CRIMINAL)

- let’s keep going

- the fact that the guy is charming and already joshing around with the boys. good writing

- ava needs to protect sarah

- this guy. already trying to gain sympathy from charles. please sir no.

- what was the point of having sarah go through two really big story arcs in one season

- sarah’s shirt in this episode is the one with hexagon patterns all over it. i loved that shirt

- charles feeling guilty later in the season for subtly pushing sarah towards getting closer with her father. good broad strokes writing

- noah sending up his patient to the cath lab - cut to: ava and connor in the OR, ava saying: “meet mr. murphy. some genius in the E.D. sent him to the cath lab with a STEMI” (his heart is blue so big yikes)

- and I am so here for ava calling noah out on his shit. a main part of my rewritten cannon

- what is hands down my favorite thing about med? the one thing they do 100% correct? The way they transition from story to story. at least that aspect of their storyline is clean

- is this the one with the floppy baby

- VERY INTERESTING - how in the episode with ava calling noah out, is also when noah is back at it again, chatting with reese

- also, sarah already knowing what noah is gonna say about the patient - SHE’S SO SMART

-sarah literally not giving noah anythingggg. cutting him off and not letting him finish his little story. leaving the room when she just feels like it. we love

- *noah walks into the viewing gallery*

ava: “Your patient, Doctor?”

noah: “uh, yeah.”

ava: “Brilliant.”

- why does this line up so well tho, with that one thing i wrote for S3 E2, ava saving sarah from noah’s chatter and shutting him up

- the surgery faces a complication and ava makes a tough call that will sacrifice some of the other organs, making connor get mad at her, accusing her of inviting him just so they’ll both fail (ava being mad at noah bc this was his fault? or, alternatively noah being fucking terrified of ava after this, but then ava is just... chill. --- this is a good Idea, I’ll sit on it more,)

- when connor tells noah that the patient is doing fine and says “no thanks to you.” (yeah, she’s cutting, but the patient nearly dies)

- noah walking around ava to get to connor (and ava rolling her eyes at him)

- ava eyeing connor reassuring noah it’s bc he’s flirting with sarah because connor is coddling him

- ava smiling when connor says that he’s still learning to get past his assumptions

- yes okay, yes, i see it. she’s smiling bc she thinks he’s talking about her. what does this mean? not anything explicitly romantic. look at me and tell me that ava isn’t someone who is finally happy that someone is willing to see past her cold blunt exterior. how much more satisfying is that, vs. ‘oh wow! the popular boy likes me!’. it is surely much more endearing (that being said the fact that she does smile [in the canon of the show] like the shy little school girl annoys me so fucking much)

- and ava rolling her eyes at noah walking around her? just another person who sees her as just cold and heartless. it’s annoying that it happens so often.

- jay remarking that charles ‘sure knows how to bring the best out of people’ when he gets a women to threaten him, and charles says ‘it’s a gift’ - thinking about how he sure brings out the ‘best’ of reese and her father...

- charles using this episode to diagnose a psychopath. in the same episode reese’s father shows up. the med writers really used all their brain cells on this one

- med really is like ‘don’t worry guys. natalie manning on our show gave a speech on how anti vaxxers suck. we’ve done our job. society is cured’

- we don’t talk enough about how soft monique is

- the way ava sits on the bed in the doctors lounge is GAY. THAT IS A HOMOSEXUAL. MA’AM. WHO ARE YOU FOOLING. the fact that connor is just there, sitting at the table, sipping tea, using a moleskin notebook as a coaster is fucking hilarious. the energy in the room (distinctly homosexual).

- they really would have been unstoppable if the show had just kept them bros

- and then the moment connor opens his mouth he turns the convo distinctly straight again. how fucking disappointing

- literally the energy in the room before vs. after they start talking is polarizing. and they have to go and make it the straightest scene. jesus just fuck off

- let’s continue

- look he’s finally able to play into her jokes

- also ew jimmy fallon - reason #100 connor rhodes sucks

- this is also the first mention of the conjoined twins case (makes sense since this seems to be about the half season mark and we’re seeing a bunch of B season plots introduced, what with sarah’s dad and all)

- start of heightened competition which the show uses for exhausting sexual tension god help me

- CONNOR YOU ARE STANDING TOO CLOSE, GET AWAY FROM THIS WOMAN

- there’s like a three second span where they’re standing inches apart and just staring at each other and mentally im going ‘nononononnonnono’

- GOD DAMMIT

- so yeah they kiss. (right after connor says he needs to pace himself but whatever)

- why is it so aggressive

So. What am I supposed to do here? I’m rewriting this right? What am i supposed to do with the rest of the season. I suppose that’s what I’m supposed to find with this rewatch. my job just got a whole lot harder.

If I were to make Ava a psychopath, I would do it here, so that she was just playing with him. I’m not going to do that though, because she deserves a tad better.

What I’m thinking now, Ava is having some sort of existential crisis, due to being in this new place and having only one (1) semi-strong connection after living here for six months. so she latches onto connor, thinks that she needs him, panics that she isn’t anybody without him (can you see the themes I’m going with?)

or, this is just some meaningless fling, which is also a novel idea, but from the evidence we’ve gathered, ava is much too caring a person to do that (at least I believe).

regardless, we did a lot of good work today, pointing out ava harassing noah (like i thought would happen lmao). definitely not my fav episode, or the best episode. but in terms of the rewrite, there’s a lot we can work with here

as always, thanks for sticking through

- 

read the rest here:

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6 / Part 7 / Part 8 / Part 9 / Part 10 / Part 12 /  Extra

[mc-critical]

Do you think MC hurrem, before the bayezid and selim conflict of course, ever considered that the traditional fratricide could possibly happen amongst her sons? Mustafa hypothetically killing her sons if he became sultan is constantly used as a reason for why she had to get rid of him but how could multiple princes having the same mother resolve any potential conflict for the throne? Sorry idk if what i said makes sense

Don't worry at all, I understood you perfectly! ^^

No, I don't think MC Hürrem considered that possibility as strongly before the inevitable occured.

First off, her adaption to the harem was a slow and gradual process and she certainly didn't become aware of all the rules, all the sudden. (as when she was surprised that Mustafa was getting his own harem before the sanjack) She knew enough to set a goal in her mind from the first episode, but didn't get to see the full picture until she went through fulfilling that goal step by step and saw an obstacle that would be impossible to ignore. She was so focused on the path to survive, she brushed off the cost of said path in the first place.

It's true that in the beginning, there wasn't a reason for her to consider possible ongoing rivalry or fratricide between her sons. Nigar told her that she would rule the world if she gives the Sultan a child and when she becomes aware of the competition in the harem, what would make her prevail over them all, guided by her desire to make SS only hers and maintain power, for she would stop undergoing the same trauma and disrespect all over again? More children! We could argue that, throughout season 1, she views having more children as a privilege - not only does it secure more her position as a favorite, but it makes her gain advantage and power over her rival in this game. Notice how she boasts about the possibility alone in front of Mahidevran in both E06 and E11! ("It will be a boy. Then it will be a boy again. Then it will be a boy again and again..."; "I will give birth to many princes, but you won't even give birth to a girl.") These lines could be an attempt of assertion and a mask of vulnerability and insecurity, in a way, but this is far from the only thing going on. Not just the children, but the princes specifically are capilatized on, because bearing one is considered an honor in this harem and for every pregnancy, Hürrem expresses an almost firm confidence that it will be, without a doubt, a prince. The whole system in the show, sadly enough, encourages that whoever has more sons is more powerful and will get everyone else out of their way eventually, without shining a light on the more grim implications and what the mothers will possibly have to go through with their many sons, to the point it simply leaves them to find this out by themselves. It puts the princes in idealized superiority that is one of the first things Hürrem gets used to and that's why she was initially taken aback when Mihrimah was born instead of another prince she wanted so much. By that point, she had no time to consider eventual conflicts or fratricide because of her (initial) upper hand.

The higher stakes were kept under wraps in the series itself, too, because of its Cerebus Syndrome nature that lets you endear with the characters at first in lighter, more mainly interpersonal situations and then move to the wider scale of the historical themes, having them grow as people and political players and realize the bigger context along with the evolution of the narrative. That is coupled with the children's ages, for the small age, to me, was presented as a symbol of innocence. There's this prevailing trend in Hürrem's character during season 2 where she kept saying that Mustafa is too little for doing certain stuff (like going to a campaign, to a province, etc.) and that, I think, is telling enough of the amount of awareness she had for an eventual conflict between her sons. That was a general theme of the show, too, because both Mahidevran and Hürrem held no ill will against the other's children when they were small, as seen by them taking care of them during the janissary rebellion and Mahidevran saving Mehmet in E16. The children themselves weren't a priority of eradication for them back then and when they were little, they were something worth protecting as a mother's value, not tools to be moulded for the future battle for the throne. When their mothers find a common ground in this aspect, would a conflict between children of one and the same mother be possible? Only when they grow up, awareness comes to the surface, bacause by the time they're still small, they're harmless and innocent. (handicapped by SS's words to Mustafa in E46: "As you grow up, the innocence between us disappears, my Mustafa.") Even Hürrem set herself against Mustafa only by E38 and she didn't want his death until then. Knowing this, could she predict that something could go wrong between her own sons, no less? Doesn't she have other stuff to do until she reaches that point? Isn't she too busy in forging her own survival path and not think as much about her children before they grow up?

Then again, Hürrem has shown to be capable of anything to always remain in SS's good graces both because she is devoted to him and for her own goals. The princes play a part in this, because they have to gain the padişah's support first and foremost and that simply cannot be done through quarrels. Hürrem may have grown wise to this, with the many cases of her ordering the children to go away once a conflict of any kind ensues and especially, always telling them throughout season 3 not to fight with each other, not even because of her, and stressing that family is the most important thing. She may have wanted their childhoods to be as peaceful as possible, rendering them (except Mihrimah) oblivious to what she's gone through, which gave them a sense of naivety in the process. And while that naivety turned out to be a double-edged sword (as we saw with Mehmet fully believing Illyas and Cihangir believing in SS's promise that he won't sacrifice Mustafa), it could've been a way for Hürrem to make sure that her children in general would always seek a consensus and look good in front of the sultan. That didn't end up being the case. Despite of these possible measures of hers, I doubt she got fully aware of the possibility, precisely because of her set goals. Even though the dismissal of Selim and Bayezid's conflict became a main arc of Hürrem's in S04, there were also hints of this in S02, shown by E53: "Such a sun will rise that that sun will only rise for me and my children." Her fixation on Mustafa as the single pivotal moment of her life fight is a huge character flaw of hers almost right from the moment she began to see him as a threat and even from her first attempt, as we see by the quote above, she thinks that by eliminating him, it would be all over, assuringly discarding everything else afterwards. And Selim and Bayezid were already arguing by that episode and it only escalated further since then, because of her ignorance as a part of the whole issue.

It's even questionable whether she has ever thought that, maybe there is more work to be done after Mustafa, because Hürrem's fixation became more predominant as the series progressed, in conjunction with the evergrowing Selim and Bayezid conflict. It was already so prevalent by S04 that Hürrem went as far as to blame Mustafa for the first big scandal between them in E112 and Mihrimah had to remind her of their rivalry-slowly-turning-to-enmity's very existence in the first half of the season that is there in spite of who Hürrem thinks is the bigger problem. She didn't give it the significant attention it deserved when they were little and I, for one, believe that she had to investigate more when Selim set Bayezid's arrow up for failure around E91/92 and not scold only Bayezid, for it only heightened his resentment for Selim. She didn't think of it as something that big to deal with, it was probably a problem they would fix by themselves for good measure, because they're still children after all, aren't they? But a resentment of a child could only continue to live on, especially in such a time period, so if Hürrem, knowing how paranoid she could be and how much she tried to evade everything that could oppose her success, predicted the future mass of the conflict, wouldn't she do something more, wouldn't she nullify it? It's a given that she can't be next to them in every single minute of the day, but the possible outcome itself just screams for tiiiny bit more involvement on her part. The earlier you interfere, the earlier would stop the obstacle in its entirety. Hürrem is smart enough to know this, so the logical thing is that she didn't fully take all that into account. She couldn't, and possibly didn't, want to predict this as a mother.

The very realization of the actual massive power of Selim and Bayezid's enmity and her newfound inability to interfere almost at all to it came as such a surprise for her. She not only completely miscalculated, but it broke her heart into pieces. She didn't see coming any conflict of the like, because if she did, even before the whole fiasco happened, early into S01-2, she would never let it reach such extremes. And the realization hit her in such an unexpected way that she wanted to escape the shock that she had to choose and try to solve things as she has always had, doing things that should've been done such a long time ago. Would she be so helpless when she finally came to terms with the following fratricide, if she saw it coming before the conflict even started?

In summary: Hürrem didn't think of something like this at all early on and when it happened, she did see the roots, but could never, not even in her dreams, imagine the devastating results.

Though yeah, could a conflict between sons of the same mother fully be resolved in circumstances like these? I very much doubt it. Even if the mother removed the tension between them, there are other factors we shouldn't forget (I refer to SS's reign in particular): they are sons of the same mother, but they're still candidates for the throne, hence they're rivals and both the people and the padişah will have to pick a favourite. No matter how impartial a sultan seems to be, he does end up picking sides eventually - whether it's about the province one is sent in, when they're sent in it, how often does he visit them, what in them does he approve or disprove of or how competent they are in his eyes. It's inevitable for them to live in absolute peace in an environment that would sooner or later cause them to fight until one's absolute and total failure.

[k-s-morgan]

I followed you Hannibal metas and resumed once again. I can see that Will's love for Alana waned over time when he found a greater fit and angst with Hannibal. But she wasn't a misdirected target in my opinion, can you tell me why you think it's misdirected ? He genuinely kisses her with passion, confesses to Hannibal about it and till few episodes in season 2, he is all about her until Hannibal takes her away so that the home is broken. Because Hannibal knows what's best for Will.

Hello! And sure)) I don't think there is evidence of Will ever loving Alana. I can see genuine physical attraction, some friendly care, and a crush that's mostly motivated by the fact that Alana is a very acceptable partner - Will craves normality, he wants to be an average family man with a wife and kids as expected by the society. Anything to drown out who he really is.

By the start of S1, he and Alana have never had one-on-one interactions, someone was always in the room with them. Will refers to her pretty impersonally as "Bloom" to Jack in E1. He starts flirting with her when they meet, but he almost never seeks her out first. He remembers about her only when paths actually cross. There are about 2 exceptions, from what I recall.

1) He calls her first in E8, when he's feeling unstable and worried about it, and asks her to come help him find a possibly wounded animal. At the same time, he doesn't see it as romantic. Everything below is from the script, including text in the brackets.  

Alana: You invited me over to help you collect animal parts?

Will: I invited you over on the off chance we find it alive. Hard to wrangle a wounded animal by myself. (then, realizing) Did you think it was a date?

Alana: Honestly, it never crossed my mind.

Will is at first relieved, then almost disappointed.

This is a good demonstration of his feelings. He isn't actually interested in a romantic relationship with her, but he wants to be interested in it.

2) The second time Will seeks her out first is to ask about her safety when Gideon escapes. In the majority of other instances, Alana is the one to come after him.

In E8 again, Alana comes to visit Will at the moment when he's particularly freaked out by his instability. He kisses her with genuine passion - and with desperation, too. That's what he and Hannibal discuss.

In their conversation, Will says he always wanted to kiss Alana because she's "kissable". He doesn't describe her qualities that make him like her, he doesn't say anything about deeper emotions - he merely refers to her in terms of his physical attraction to her. Hannibal rightfully notes:

Hannibal: You waited a long time, which suggests you were kissing her for a reason in addition to wanting to.

Will admits it's true. It's another point proving that his interest is superficial. He never bothered to actually pursue Alana until he got scared because of losing control. They confirm it again in the following lines. Will tells Hannibal how he freaked out because he thought there was an animal in his chimney and adds:

Will: I sleep walk. I get headaches. I’m hearing things. I feel unstable.

Hannibal: That’s why you kissed her. A clutch for balance.

Will nods here. Also, they deleted this bit, but he actually also had to say:

Will: Because I’m losing mine.

So it's a confirmation that Will focused on Alana because he was scared of being even more abnormal than he usually is. He does care about her and he likes her, but their relationship has always been shallow. They don't know each other much. Also, I don't think Will could ever love her for real because of who he is. The thing Will craves most is acceptance and understanding. Alana can't give him that. They have an interesting conversation related to it a bit in E11.

Alana: Would have been fun cozying up with your dogs in front of the space heater.

Will: Don’t need protective custody to cozy up with my dogs. Or me for that matter. Just a little more stability on my part.

So Will acknowledges that for Alana to like him, he has to change. But his instability is largely who he is (not counting encephalitis) - even when he was physically healthy, he was still unstable because of his darkness. That's why Alana didn't feel comfortable staying alone with him until S1. She can't give him unconditional love, and that's what Will needs. Another telling conversation is with Hannibal.

Hannibal: She would feel an obligation to her field of study to observe you. And you would resent her for it.

Will: I know.

It all comes down to them being fundamentally incompatible.

In S2, Will is not profoundly hurt when he realizes Alana has no feelings for him (during the talk with the lawyer she hired), though he’s upset and grim at the realization. He's angry and disgusted upon realizing she's with Hannibal now, but he shows no actual hurt or heartbreak - he's concerned about his relationship with Hannibal already. He shows the same behavior back in S1 - his dreams are filled wth darkness and Hannibal/Wendigo; he shares his most intimate thoughts with Hannibal; he covers up murder for Hannibal and Abigail, while Alana comes to his thoughts only when she's physically there, when he's losing control, or when she's in danger.

So, in my opinion, their bond has always been shallow, and it never went further than superficial friendship and physical attraction.

Also, I disagree that Hannibal takes Alana away - Alana was never Will's. If anything, I'd argue that she felt sorry for Will and confused it with attraction while her genuine interest lay more with Hannibal from the start. She's also the one to initiate their romantic relationship, although he created the right atmosphere for it.

As for the misdirected love interest bit: I think it’s telling that Will decided to try and get a romantic relationship, half-heartedly as it was, only after meeting Hannibal. Before that, he shied away from such connections -  never pursuing Alana despite finding her attractive can be seen as an example of it. Something in meeting Hannibal (and Abigail) triggered Will’s desire to engage in romantic relationship. 

[daughters-and-winsisters]

Huntress- Part 11: Remember

Sam x Daughter!Reader, takes place in S12 E11 so warning: SPOILERS

Part one Part two Part three Part four Part five Part Six Part Seven Part Eight Part Nine Part Ten

It had been a few days since you’d told your Dad and Uncle the truth...as much as you could bare to say. You were currently sat at the Motel, your Dad was typing away on his laptop, no doubt looking into some lore for the case they were working.  Uncle Dean had gone to “get a burger”, but you weren’t stupid. He’d be gone all night no doubt. Ever since that conversation, you’d become a little more distant with your Dad. Maybe it was embarrassment, you never wanted to tell him in the first place, maybe guilt that you hadn’t told him or maybe you’d just been thinking too much.

Despite your distance, your Dad was now more determined than ever to stay close to you. You’d never been a talker and had always kept most things bottled up so to tell someone a story you kept to yourself and considered very personal was a huge step for you. You’d barely said a word to anyone since, but that was just how your body worked. You need time to recharge and build up to confrontation. A hunt would bring you back, something to keep your mind away from anything else.

You thought back to the conversation, the confused face your Dad had given you...

“Your daughter” You’d said, knowing full well it’d do nothing but increase his curiosity.  “Wh-what?” Your Dad’s eyebrows knitted together, his eyes focused intently on yours. “You had two daughters.” You managed, your voice quivering.

“How...?” Your Dad was now much more hesitant to ask you anything.

Your lips trembled “Max was...” You could hardly breath.

..."Hey, Y/N, could you pass me the charger?” You broke out of your daze, unaware of how long you’d been sat there, staring at nothing. Nodding, you handed your Dad his charger, still not saying a word. “You okay, bug?” He tilted his head, you saw him do so out of the corner of your eye. Again, you nodded. But he wouldn’t take a nod for an answer. Sighing, he got up from the chair and sat down next to you on the bed. You felt a dip in the bed, but still didn’t look up.

“It’s okay if you’re not.” He softly spoke, his elbows resting on his knees and his hands hanging in between. You nodded again, lost for the correct words to say. “I know you’ve got a lot going on, Y/N. You can just stay here for the hunt.” The way he spoke made it sound like an offer and left you wondering if it was an order. Instead of nodding, you shook your head, causing him to sigh again.

“Y/N...”

“Please.” You begged “I want to. I need....something to do.” You tried to explain it, finding each word harder to say without breaking down. “You sure?” Back to nodding, you hummed a “Yeah.”

Defeated, he stood up, planting a kiss on your forehead and sitting back down at his computer. You went back into your daydream...

“You had a twin.” Your Dad said the words for you. You nodded “She was my best friend, my only family when Mum died. She was all I had...” You couldn’t bring yourself to look at anyone.

“What happened to her?” Your Dad asked, only his tone of voice was different this time. It was as though the question was optional, he understood you didn’t want to talk about it. 

You shook your head, squeezing your eyes shut. You couldn’t bare to think about it, her bloodshot eyes and pale complexion, her cold hands and lifeless body. You took in a deep breath “It doesn’t matter. She’s dead.”

...You hadn’t noticed until your Dad moved back down next to you that you were crying. It was silent, tears lightly trickling down your face, your eyes blinking a lot. This time he sat much closer and didn’t say a word, enveloping you into a hug, his head resting on yours and his arms holding you close.  “Hey, come on. It’s okay. It’s okay, sweetheart. I’ve got you.” He cooed, rubbing your back gently with one of his hands, the other held your head. You sobbed, finally giving in to his embrace. He stayed there, holding you and keeping you close to him, you clung on to him as though your life would fade away if you loosened your grip at all. 

You’d managed to convince yourself that you were okay, you’d be able to wake up every morning and smile without waiting for your sister to come and have breakfast with you. You could walk to school with two headphones in listening purely to the song rather than only having one in with your main focus on Max as she rambled on and on about nothing. You could fall asleep on time instead of texting your twin who was only a few feet away in the other room, so close you could hear each others giggles. You could walk the dog without sharing the lead or cross the road only looking out for yourself. You could hug your Mum without Max laughing and joining in the embrace: “Room for one more?”.

You couldn’t. 

Blinking your eyes awake, you felt more tired than the night before. After allowing your eyes to get used to the light you noticed there was no one else there. The curtains were still closed, but the morning light was creeping through the sides they hadn’t covered. Your Dad’s laptop was on the table by the window.

You sighed, quickly getting dressed and putting on your combats. When you went to open up the curtains a post-it-note caught your eye, it was stuck to the laptop and curling slightly at the corner: “Having breakfast with Dean...Sorry, didn’t want to wake you up. Be back soon xxx”

You managed a smile and looked out of the window, noticing Baby was still there so he can’t have gone far. For most people, this situation would be a nod and go back to bed, only you weren’t most people. You were a Winchester.

You opened up the laptop to see the page open on ‘Waldos’, it seemed to be some sort of waffle-place. You took note of the street name, grabbed your gun for extra caution and headed towards Waldo’s.  It wasn’t exactly hard to miss, with a huge flashing sign and a massive waffle logo on every wall of the building, you slipped in through the front and walked up to where Dad and Uncle Dean were. 

They had your backs to you, Uncle Dean was downing painkillers with coffee and your Dad was offering a disapproving look. You pulled up a stool next to Uncle Dean and smiled. Uncle Dean looked at you for a moment as though you were a stranger, his eyes were narrowed and his head tilted. “Y/N..?” Your Dad looked concerned if nothing else. At the mention of your name Uncle Dean relaxed and looked back at his waffles. “Hey...” “How did you find us?” “You had the page open on your laptop.” You shrugged. To your amazement, Dad smiled to himself, something told you that leaving the website up wasn’t completely unintentional.

“So you’re saying you really can’t remember anything?” Your Dad frowned, watching Uncle Dean inhale about fifty waffles. “Not squat.” Uncle Dean shook his head in disbelief “Why did I even leave the Motel room...?” “You wanted a burger.” You said. “Huh...figures.” “Well, I’ll text Mom to let her know I’m the emergency number...And Cas, in case he gets some more info on Kelly.” Uncle Dean frowned and mouthed “Kelly?” At you. You sighed and frowned back before saying “You know, the girl with Lucifer's bun in her oven.”  “Eh?” “Lucifers love child.” Dad added, standing up from the stool.”

“Oh, right yeah.”  “Okay, well I’m gonna go work the case. You and your waffles can have some alone time, come on.” Dad tited his head back to gesture for you to come with him. You rolled your eyes at your Uncle before standing to join Dad.

“Okay I’m coming.” Uncle Dean tore himself away from the plate and stood up to leave. Just then lady made her way over, she was smiling at your Uncle and took in a deep breath before saying “Hey.”. “Hey.” Uncle Dean replied, looking between her and you two “Who are you?” Her face instantly turned to rage and she slapped him there and then, turning on her heel in a huff and returning to her friends. “Damn.” You mumbled to yourself, slightly impressed. “Hell of a night.” Uncle Dean coughed.

One of the worst things about being a young hunter was the fact that you couldn’t pass as an FBI agent, so for the parts of the case where Dad and Uncle Dean were busy faking their jobs and working the case you were stuck in Baby, You got out and leant against the bonnet, whipping your phone out for something to do. 

Half an hour later Dad and Uncle Dean came back, discussing something about the case no doubt. “Looks like we’re dealing with Witches.”Your Dad explained, briefly filling you in.

Once again you were greeted with a strange expression from Uncle Dean, his head tilted to the side and his eyebrows furrowed. “Why do you keep looking at me like that?!” You asked, making your Dad turn back around to see what you were talking about. “I don’t know. kid.” Uncle Dean coughed slightly when he sad Kid.

“Kid?” You echoed, the way he said it didn’t sound right. “Where?” Uncle Dean frowned, turning slightly.  “What?”  “Huh?” Sighing, you got in the back, ignoring Uncle Deans confused face.

“I said I’m fine!” Uncle Dean argued, getting out of the car. “What’s my name?” You asked, standing in the way of the Motel door. “What?” “My name. Now.” “I don’t have to do this.” He decided.

“You don’t know do you..?” Your Dad looked amazed.

“Of course I do.” “Then what is it?” You raised an eyebrow. he opened and closed his mouth a few times before shaking his head “I don’t know...” “I’m only joking.” Uncle Dean laughed, but he looked incredibly confused, his mind deep in thought trying to remember what your name was. “Uncle Dean-” You started to say before he interrupted you. “Who?”

You and Dad shared a worried look.

“Dean, you forgot your own name!” Dad protested, following after his brother in the Motel room. “And Y/NS.” ”Y/N, that was it! I knew it!”  You followed on behind, wondering what the hell was going on with your Uncle.

“Yeah that was weird...” He couldn’t help, but agree however.

“Look I’m fine, see? This is a coat, this is a bed. This is uh...a....uh light stick.” “A light sti-” Your Dad sighed, picking up a post-it-note and writing “LAMP” in big letters before sticking it on the “light stick”.  “Lamp!” Uncle Dean cheered “So close.”

“I’m gonna call Rowena.” Dad sighed before adding “The Witch.” “Yeah...Rowena this is serious...I think he’s been hexed...he can’t remember really simple things...no....I don’t know and I’m not checking!...how do we fix it?” You watched in anticipation when your Dad put the phone down “We need to kill the Witch.” He explained, putting his jacket back on. “Come on.” He added, dragging his brother away from the TV.

“AND, our best friend’s an Angel..Whaaaaaat?!” Uncle Dean exclaimed, hitting your Dad who almost jumped out of his skin. You couldn’t help but giggle, only shutting up when Dad glared at you. Settling with a smirk, you examined the blood smears on the tree bark, runnng your fingers gently over the dried crimson.

“Sam...Y/N!” Uncle Dean called out, shining his torch back at you both. You hurried over, finding a dead body collapsed behind a fallen tree. He had whited out eyes, a river of dried blood coming from his mouth and dirt covered him all over. ��Is that a dead guy?” “Yep.” You answered, shining you torch over his body for any more clues. “Cool.”  “No, Dean. Not cool. Killing the Witch is supposed to be the cure. But if the Witch isn’t dead then...why aren’t you...you?”  “Not cool.” He gulped.

A knock at the door made you and your Dad look up from his laptop screen. “I’ll get it.” Uncle Dean declared, heading straight for the door. “No, Dean. Wait!” Dad attempted to stop him, getting his handgun out. The door swung open to reveal the Witch you’d met back when you had to capture Lucifer.

Inviting herself in, she put her bag on your bed and turned to face you all. “Who’s this?” Uncle Dean scoffed. Rowena sighed “The spell’s progressed I see.” “Your hair...it’s all so bouncy.” Uncle Dean smiled, his hands hovering over her locks in amazement. “Why...thank you,” She turned to face you and your Dad “Do we have to fix him?”

After managing to occupy your Uncle with TV, Dad pulled Rowena off to the side. She looked at you briefly before saying “This kind of magic is very high level witchcraft. I presumed them all dead. But, perhaps not. Eventually you forget how to speak, how to swallow,how to breath..well...Dean Winchester’s going to die.” “Suck’s for that guy.” Uncle Dean chimed in. Sadly, you looked between the three of them, wanting someone to say something positive for once.

Uncle Dean went to the bathroom and your Dad instantly lost his ‘everything’s fine’ face, he sat down on the Motel bed, perching on the end. You sat next to him, not speaking.  “I’ve seen my brother die...but this, watching him become not him. This might be worse.”  You looked down at the floor, not sure what to say.

“We need to kill the Witches, Samuel.” Rowena declared, ignoring his comment. “Yeah, an important spell book is up for grabs and here you are. I should have known.” Dad shook his head. “True...” She hissed “But it’s nice to have a Winchester owe you one. Anyway, you’ll need me there not babysitting your brother. They’ll kill you both.”  You reached into your backpack, bringing out witch-killing-bullets in a loaded gun “They can try.” Dad raised an eyebrow, heading towards the door. Only, moments before he opened it he turned back around and looked at you. “Y/N, this could be really dangerous.” You squinted skeptically at where this was going. “I’m trained for really dangerous.” You retorted, putting a jacket on. “I don’t doubt that...I just don’t want you to get hurt.” “Me neither.” “Y/N...” He frowned, not sure what else to say. Only he didn’t argue when you left the Motel with him. 

“Promise me you won’t do anything stupid.” Dad looked at you with stern eyes, his hands resting on your shoulders. You sighed silently and nodded “I promise.” With a tight smile he nodded, handing you a gun and taking the lead.

With two Witches down you made your way into the main house. “Okay, stay back.” He whispered. You nodded, your eyes scanning the area.

Dad called Uncle Dean and Rowena, putting his phone is his pocket for when Rowena was able to perform the spell. You crept through the building, becoming more suspicious as the halls were empty. Eventually you found a lady, her blonde hair was curled slightly and she was carefully placing butterflies on a sort of plaque thing. Your Dad told you to stay put outside and went in, closing the door behind him.

You stood in the closed off doorway, your gun out ready for an attack. Only, not ready for the kind of attack that came. “A Baby Winchester, how quaint.” A male Witch chuckled, but you couldn’t see him. He was close, no doubt using some sort of invisibility spell, you watched the floor and saw a tiny cloud of dust as a footstep sounded. In a blind panic, you shot toward the culprit, the mirror behind didn’t smash which meant you’d hit something. You heard a cry of pain, a man with glasses and a bleeding side slowly appeared into vision. Before you could react he shot his hand out, sending you towards the wall behind. You smashed into it, feeling your arm scrape against some sort of metal, it sliced down your arm making you grunt. But, you got back up. He grabbed hold of you, his magic holding some sort of super strength as there was no way of getting out of his grip.

He kicked one of the doors down, dragging you in the room where your Dad was on the floor, his gun aimed at the Witch. As the man bled you felt his grip getting weaker- his magic was dying with him. “Y/N!” Dad called, shooting the man a glare. “Kill her.” The Witch laughed, her eyes full of nothing but hatred. “I can’t, she shot me.” He revealed his wound, his shirt dyed deep crimson around the bullet. “I thought you were invisible?!” She didn’t seem too worried about this. “That didn’t stop her...the bitch.” He tried to grip you harder, but if anything he was losing all of his strength. You waited until he was barely holding on and threw him over your back, leaning forward as you did so.  He cried out when he hit the floor, his body close to death.

You looked at the Lady Witch as she held you where you were with her magic. You fell down, unable to get back up this time. Her hand closed as blackness entered your vision, knocking you out.

You woke to her walking around the corpse of the dead Witch Uncle Dean had found earlier. “...We’re going to swap his soul for yours.” The Lady finished, looking between you and Dad. She looked back to you and smiled “Or yours.” “Don’t you dare!” Dad warned through gritted teeth. “But she’s young and fit and so much stronger than some old man.” She hissed at your Dad. Instead of retaliating with some snarky comment you glared, unsure of what could make the situation any worse. “You’ll do just fine.” She laughed, walking towards you. When she knelt down in front of you a loud crash sounded, turning her attention away from the pair of you for a second. A second was enough.

Immediately you rose to your feet, kicking her to the floor and sprinting out to see if your gun was where you fell. You thought you Dad was right behind you, only he insisted on fighting the bitch. Deciding to leave him to it, you raced down the stairs in the hopes to come across some sort of effective weapon, when you turned the corner you came face to face with...Uncle Dean?

He looked at you strangely, holding up a gun fully loaded with Witch killing bullets and aimed. With only a second to react you ducked behind a chest of draws when he fired, his bullet scraping the back of your hand. You winced, hissing at the pain, but knowing he didn’t actually mean to shoot you. “I’m your niece! Don’t shoot me you bastard!” You shouted, hesitantly coming out from behind the draws.

“Oops...” Uncle Dean smiled awkwardly and you sighed, rolling your eyes. “Is the Impala outside?” You asked, looking around warily. “The what?” He frowned, having even forgotten Baby. “The car!”  “Oh...yeah it is.” “Okay good,” You put your hand on his arm and guided him to the corner of the room “Stay.” “Where are you going?” The way he asked was like a five year old. Sighing, you quickly said “To get another gun. Be right back.”

After not finding any more guns in the boot, you raced back to the house. The back of your hand was soar, blood still oozing from the sides of where the bullet had torn your skin, no doubt hitting your bone. Ignoring the pain, you peered round the corner to see...no one. He’d gone. Of course he’d gone, he can’t remember anything...”Should have written a bloody post-it-note.” You mumbled to yourself, following the sound of voices.

You walked in on the Witch and Rowena having some sort of stare-off.Their heads snapped towards you, making you take a step-back. Without a gun you were ten times more cautious. Uncle Dean ran in, holding up a gun and aiming at at the Witch. Your Dad then ran in,making Uncle Dean confused as to who to shoot.

“No,” Your Dad pointed at himself “Brother” then you “Niece” then the Witch “Witch.”

Uncle Dean nodded, cocking the gun and frowning at her. She laughed “You really think that’d going to work on me?” Uncle Dean tilted his head, smirking as he held up a post-it-note which read Witch-killing bullets.

Her face dropped.

A gun shot rang out.

She fell to the floor.

Waiting with your Dad at the bottom of the stairs, you looked up when Uncle Dean and Rowena climbed down. “Did it work?” Dad asked, leaning forward expectantly.  “Who’s this hippie?” Uncle Dean frowned. You gulped. Maybe Rowena hadn’t done the spell yet. Maybe it took a few minutes to start working. Maybe- A laugh tore you from your thoughts and Uncle Dean grinned, “Your faces.” He chuckled, ruffling your hair. “Not funny.”

Uncle Dean’s face then frowned and he took your hand in his “Sorry for shooting you, kid, Good thing you’ve got quick reactions.” “Yeah, no thanks to you you twat.” You smirked, tugging your hand away from his. Dad frowned, tilting his head at your wound “Come on, let’s fine a bandage.” He declared, heading out of the house.

It had been a few days since you’d told your Dad and Uncle the truth...as much as you could bare to say. You were currently sat at the Motel, your Dad was typing away on his laptop, no doubt looking into some lore for the case they were working. Uncle Dean had gone to "have a drink”, but you weren’t stupid. He’d be gone all night no doubt. Ever since that conversation, you’d become a little more quiet with them outside of hunts. Maybe it was embarrassment, you never wanted to tell him in the first place, maybe guilt that you hadn’t told him or maybe you’d just been thinking too much.

Despite your distance, your Dad was now more determined than ever to stay close to you. You’d never been a talker and had always kept most things bottled up so to tell someone a story you kept to yourself and considered very personal was a huge step for you.

You thought back to the conversation, the confused face your Dad had given you...

“Your daughter” You’d said, knowing full well it’d do nothing but increase his curiosity. “Wh-what?” Your Dad’s eyebrows knitted together, his eyes focused intently on yours. “You had two daughters.” You managed, your voice quivering.

“How...?” Your Dad was now much more hesitant to ask you anything.

Your lips trembled “Max was...” You could hardly breath.

..."Hey, Y/N, could you pass me the charger?” You broke out of your daze, unaware of how long you’d been sat there, staring at nothing. Nodding, you handed your Dad his charger, still not saying a word. “You okay, bug?” He tilted his head, you saw him do so out of the corner of your eye. Again, you nodded. But he wouldn’t take a nod for an answer. Sighing, he got up from the chair and sat down next to you on the bed. You felt a dip in the bed, but still didn’t look up.

“It’s okay if you’re not.” He softly spoke, his elbows resting on his knees and his hands hanging in between. You nodded again, lost for the correct words to say. “I know you’ve got a lot going on, Y/N...” The way he spoke made it sound like he had more to say, but didn’t want it to come out wrong. You nodded, making him sigh again “Y/N...”.

“I’m okay.” You tried to reassure him.  “You sure?” Back to nodding, you hummed a “Yeah.”

Defeated, he stood up, planting a kiss on your forehead and sitting back down at his computer. You hadn’t had a chance to think about Max until after the hunt...You went back into your daydream...

“You had a twin.” Your Dad said the words for you. You nodded “She was my best friend, my only family when Mum died. She was all I had...” You couldn’t bring yourself to look at anyone.

“What happened to her?” Your Dad asked, only his tone of voice was different this time. It was as though the question was optional, he understood you didn’t want to talk about it.

You shook your head, squeezing your eyes shut. You couldn’t bare to think about it, her bloodshot eyes and pale complexion, her cold hands and lifeless body...If only they knew... You took in a deep breath “It doesn’t matter. She’s dead.”

...You hadn’t noticed until your Dad moved back down next to you that you were crying. It was silent, tears lightly trickling down your face, your eyes blinking a lot. This time he sat much closer and didn’t say a word, enveloping you into a hug, his head resting on yours and his arms holding you close. “Hey, come on. It’s okay. It’s okay, sweetheart. I’ve got you.” He cooed, rubbing your back gently with one of his hands, the other held your head. You sobbed, finally giving in to his embrace. He stayed there, holding you and keeping you close to him, you clung on to him as though your life would fade away if you loosened your grip at all.

You’d managed to convince yourself that you were okay, you’d be able to wake up every morning and smile without waiting for your sister to come and have breakfast with you. You could walk to school with two headphones in listening purely to the song rather than only having one in with your main focus on her as she rambled on and on about nothing. You could fall asleep on time instead of texting your twin who was only a few feet away in the other room, so close you could hear each others giggles. You could walk the dog without sharing the lead or cross the road only looking out for yourself. You could hug your Mum without Max laughing and joining in the embrace: “Room for one more?”.

You couldn’t.

Part 12

I don’t own these gifs Masterlist A/N: Aye I wrote a thing, sorry for the angst uwu. Also sorry for the unanswered questions... I love you guys, thanks for staying amazing x (Tags after cut)

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[katleowriting]

Sister of Darkness- Bloodlines/Unpleasantville S1 E11/12

Summary Entire Work:  Elena has an older sister, her name is Parker Gilbert. Katherine had a cousin who’s name was Patience. Tatia had a cousin who was raised as her sister named Petra. But unlike the Doppelgangers they don’t just look identical, they are the same person reborn. Parker in all of her lives has had powers of the mind. Eventual a Kol/OC romance and many OC’s with almost everyone friendships

https://archiveofourown.org/works/15001889/chapters/39012458#workskin

Bloodlines/Unpleasantville(Coma/Spirit Trip)

Parker looked around her and found herself in the woods surrounded by fog. The last thing she remembered was pain in the back of her head and seeing the bottom of someone's skirt. Looking around Parker thought the place that she was in looked familiar to her for some reason and she couldn't figure out why it seemed so familiar.

"Ms. Gilbert," said a voice behind Parker causing her to turn.

"Emily," Parker said in shock realizing where she was.

"Do not worry, you are not dead." Emily replied stepping to the in-shock Parker.

VD

Closing her eyes Parker took in a deep breath thinking about her sister before she heard people around her. Opening her eyes Parker found herself in a bar standing behind Elena and Damon. The woman serving them saw her eyes going wide. Looking around Parker noticed that the bartender was the only person to notice her.

"You can see me?" Parker asked watching the Bartender give a slight nod.

"What is it Bree?" Damon asked looking around and not seeing Parker.

"Why the hell is my sister in a bar, let alone outside of Mystic Falls?" Parker asked glaring at Damon who watched the witch's facial expressions.

"Sweetie, do you have a sister?" Bree asked Elena never taking her eyes off Parker.

"Yeah, why?" Elena asked taking a drink of her beer.

"She doesn't seem to be too pleased with you being in bar outside of Mystic Falls." Bree said causing Elena and Damon to look around for Parker.

"Tell Elena she should call my roommate," Parker said causing Bree to relay the message to her sister.

Five minutes later Elena came bursting back in the saying they needed to get back to Mystic Falls because Parker was in a coma. Parker rolled her eyes as Damon and Elena got into an argument about going back even though she kept putting in her own two cents making Bree translate for her.

VD

Parker sat on a park bench in god knows where, the people talked in a foreign language. It was French, one of the languages she was shockingly fluent in. looking around she smiled at the couples who were so blatantly in love.

"It's not often I see a ghost with the aura of the living," a man said in French taking a seat next to her.

"That's because I'm not dead, just ejected from my body by some dead witches," Parker replied back in French.

"I see," The man said before looking at her again, "You look like someone in a painting I saw."

"Really, where? Maybe I could find some use from being in this ghostly state." Parker said making the man laugh.

"Follow me," the man said getting up and walking.

After walking for about ten minutes they arrived at a large fancy apartment building. Parker followed the man down stairs and into a basement that had coffins in it.

"What are these?" Parker asked looking at the coffins.

"The siblings of a man, it is my job to protect them. Ahh here it is," The man said pointing at a large painting of what appeared to be her in about the 1400's.

VD

"Parker, please wake up," Jenna said holding Parker's bodies hand with tears in her eyes.

"What's happening to me?" Parker asked the witch Emily who stood next to her as she watched.

"Those dreams you have aren't dreams, they're memories. Those people you draw in pictures are people you actually know or knew in some cases. This is the last time you will be with us against your will. You needed time for the growth of you mind," Emily said in explanation.

"So when I was in the coma when I was little, I wasn't imagining watching as my family cried over me, or that I was in some of the most random places on the planet?" Parker asked before receiving a nod.

Parker stood watching her body when she heard a sob from the door, turning around she found her sister staring at her body with tears running down her face. Elena quickly ran to her sister's side and grabbed her hand crying.

"Parker, no you have to wake up. I know you were there in Georgia, but I didn't believe that you were in a coma, never you. Please wake up." Elena sobbed squeezing her sister's hand.

"Elena," Stefan said entering the room but coming short when he saw Parker's body, "Parker."

"Jenna said that Parker didn't know, she didn't know that I was adopted. She's the only person who has been honest with me for the longest time." Elena said sobbing into her arm.

VD

Parker watched as Elena and Caroline walking through the school court yard, Elena had just given Caroline a vervain necklace. They joked for a second about being lesbian friends, before Elena simply shrugged off that part of the conversation, the topic moved on to Matt.

“Hey how is Parker doing? I think I’ll drop by the hospital before the dance. Leave her some lily’s she loves them. Maybe she’ll smell them and wake up, or maybe I should get her some flowers she hates the smell of. She’d probably drag her way out of the coma just to smack me for daring to bring them to her.” Caroline spoke turning a bracelet on her left hand.

“No change, but flowers might make her smile when she wakes up.” Elena agreed. Then the two went into a long-winded conversation about all the things Parker hated about flowers and hospitals. Parker smiled at the sight of Caroline and Elena laughing, looking forward not back.

VD

"Come on Parker you need to rejoin the land of the living." Damon said taking the seat next to her bed, hair slightly messy.

"I wish I could," Parker said even though he couldn't hear her.

"Your sister was attacked Parker, by a vampire who that knew Katherine. Plus, she's going stir crazy because you're here, in a coma." Damon said looking at her face. "You're like my only friend Parker, I told you something that I never told anyone before. You need to wake up, the living and walking dead need you."

Just as Damon was about to leave, the machines surrounding Parker started to go crazy. Just as nurses and Doctors started running into the room the machines went back to normal. Then Parker shot up gasping, eyes burning red for a few seconds before returning to their normal color.