#think we deserved a casey react too

[batsplat]

kills me that casey just never got to be on any of the podiums where valentino was dressing up and doing stupid shit. like i think we as a society deserved to see that. 'but valentino didn't do that so much anymore in those years' well FIRST OFF one reason for that is you can't go around pre-planning as many celebrations if some surly australian kid keeps beating your ass so maybe casey should have considered that. and secondly valentino did show up to the misano 2009 podium with donkey ears but casey was tragically away with his illness. a missed opportunity. makes me sick to my stomach

[imagionationstation]

I’ve seen a few AUs now where the baby turtles where like, actual baby turtle sized or at least palm sized, so I wanted to know; how would your ‘12 Leo react to a baby Donnie who could fit in the palm of his hand? (I know the ‘12 turtles were a little closer to actual toddler sized, but just imagine)

*squints at you and wonders how much you know about my “In Which” activities on A03*

Anyway. That- is a very loaded question.

So let’s keep imagining.

Imagine discovering this little turt. Imagine him being scared and confused. Imagine him desperately clinging to your attempts to comfort him, despite him not truly knowing who you are.

Imagine if he was completely untouched by harm, and every time he leaned against you, it was like he was trusting his whole body and soul into your care. Every time he smiled or giggled, it was like that little piece of happiness was reserved for you alone in ways that you could never hope to deserve. Every time that he cries, he looks so helpless and heartbroken that all you can do is frantically search for a way to make it better.

Now.

Imagine if this tiny, precious green gremlin of a creature could fit in a single hand. Imagine watching him getting stuck on his carapace and trying to roll over, only to fail over and over. Imagine realizing just how tiny and dependent he is. Imagine that ever time he shifts in your arms, you remember that if he fell, he’s so small that his shell hitting the ground might crack it. Imagine watching him try to crawl and realizing that anything could very easily crush him.

You’re a powerful ninja that can break his arm simply by holding him too tightly. He’s fragile, so fragile that any everything around you is a potential danger that could hurt him.

Imagine if every instinct in your being is constantly on edge and screaming- protect- protect- PROTECT- PROTECT- PROTECT-

Saying this would disrupt things would be an extreme understatement. Forget any kind of self-care/training/patrols, this kid wouldn’t be able to take his eye of lil’ Dee for a second. It would be almost obsessive, the way he can’t stand the thought of putting him down, much less handing him off to anyone else. As long as lil’ Dee is in reach, he’s safe.

Leo will make sure of it.

“Hey, Leo?”

The brother in question doesn’t look up from where his gaze is trained on the braced form of their tiny brother, who is busy trying to figure out how to eat the teddy bear that is several inches taller than him. The leader holds the toy as he lays propped in the crook of his other arm, and Donnie consents to chewing on the fingerless hand, furry arms clasped in six fingers that don’t quite understand how to release yet.

Mikey steps forward and drops on the other side of the couch, repeating his name for the tenth time. “Earth to Leo!”

With Mikey’s insistent voice next to him and hard to miss, he starts and glances to the side. “What?”

Used to his random space-outs by now, Mikey reaches out a finger to curl around the teddy bear’s arm, putting very little force into prying it from Donnie’s mouth. Donnie kicks his legs and growls, playful and determined, unconsciously locking his jaw as tiny fingers dig into the fur. Leo flinches at the sudden movement, but other than shooting him a wary side-eye, says nothing.

But maybe that’s because Mikey had yet to stop talking. “So we talked about it and April says that she’s cool to help take Donnie tonight. I know you don’t want anyone else messing with him, but it’ll only be a few hours. And he likes me and he likes her and we all talked about it, and Raph and Casey’s going to be doing Vigilante stuff far away from here and I know what you’re thinking, but we-”

“Wait, wait, wait, stop.” Leo mutters as he shakes his head, worn-out gaze moving to train on Mikey. “What’s happening tonight?”

Leaving no room for argument, Mikey raises a finger to the sky and then pokes his plastron. “You. Are sleeping.”

“I… Already sleep.” Leo argues anyway, already disengaging from the conversation to let go of the teddy, returning his attention to the turt. The furry head covers the small plastron, stuffed body in Leo’s lap, and Donnie releases his jaw, looking curiously at it.

“I haven’t seen you sleep once since Donnie got small.” Mikey argues as Leo sets a finger on Donnie’s side, preventing him from being able to roll around when he squirms.

“I never said I did it a lot.” Leo mutters reluctantly.

“How about yesterday? How many hours? Six?”

“Mikey…”

“Five? Four? Three?”

“I know my limits.”

“Tell me you at least got an hour.”

A heavy sigh as his shoulders slump, and he somehow seems more tired than before. “I don’t know, Mikey. It’s not like I’m counting.”

“And that’s going to change as soon as April gets here.” Leo looks up as if just queuing into their plans, and Mikey reiterates. “She’ll take Dee, you’ll set an alarm, and go to sleep. If anything happens, which it won’t, I’ll-”

“No!” Leo snaps, both turtles look equally startled by his proclamation. His eyes harden suddenly. “No, Mikey, I’m fine. Seriously. Leave it alone. I’ve got him.”

“Dude, you’re barely eating and you’re not sleeping.” Mikey argues firmly. “We talked about it and we think-“

“Thank you for making plans for me behind my back, but I’m fine.”

The sharpness of Leo’s tone can slice like his katanas. It only further proves how tired he is, as normally he would understand their concern rather than jump to the conclusion that they were working against him. He’d be annoyed, rather than angry.

Mikey stands his ground. “You’re tired.”

“I’ll survive being tired until Bishop’s team finishes the cure!”

“We don’t know how much longer that’ll take!”

“I don’t see why that matters!”

“That’s because your brain’s mush cause you’re tired!”

Donnie’s face scrunches with uncertainty as he looks between them, and Leo catches onto his unease, taking the forgotten bear and flinging it at his brother. Mikey catches it before it can hit him square in the face and Leo gently cups Donnie in his hand, standing up and stating, “If I wanted to sleep, I would sleep. So back off.”

“Leo-”

Leo’s already leaving. “Not up for debate!”

“Leo!”

Mikey stands up and waves his arms in a vent of frustration at the turned shell, but Leo ignores him, heading for the bedroom and slamming the door behind.

“You’re kidding!”

Mikey’s hushed gasp draws April’s attention from her studies, closing the laptop to set it to the side and joining him in the hallway. She stops by Leo’s door, peeking over his shoulder curiously.

From the light spilling in, she can see Leo curled up on the floor, his side leaning against a pillow to keep him from rolling left. His left arm hangs over it, hand slack over a tiny body like a shield, and Donnie cuddles into the blanket nest underneath him. The only form awake is Chompy, sitting near the nest like a little guard, tail tapping the floor as he blinks sleepily at the both of them.

“Chompy. Really?” Mikey whines, completely aghast. “Chompy?”

“At least he’s sleeping?” April offers off-handedly, trying to pretend she’s not equally as upset to be robbed of a chance to play with the hand-size turtle infant. “That’s something?”

“Yeah.” Mikey admits with a sigh. “Guess he really was tired if we haven’t woken him. And Chompy’s a pretty good alarm system…”

She places a sympathetic hand on his shoulder. “We’ll try again another time.”

He groans playfully, and then grabs hold of her hand, tugging her arm back the way she came. “Fiiiine. But we got all evening free and someone’s gotta watch Chris Bradford reruns with me!”

“Mikey.” She laughs as she plants her feet. “I have an essay-”

“Aprriiiiilll!”

“Shhhh!” She glances into the room as Chompy chirps. “Alright, alright. But I’ll have to multitask.”

“Deal!” Mikey hurries into the main room, and April turns to grab the door knob. She watches the tense hand over Donnie’s shell relax again, a sigh leaving his lips as the area quiets, and she wishes them and the watchful alien a soft, “Sweet dreams.”

Chompy settles to sleep as the door shuts, and April heads to the pit.

“So, how many times have you seen this episode?”

“Only seven!”

“Only seven, huh?”

[jerzwriter]

If Ethan had handled the Amazon with Casey the way he did with Kaycee, would Ethan and Casey have stayed together? How would she have reacted when she met Tobias if she had been with Ethan? Would either guy been her end game?

Hey Nonny, thanks for the ask.

There was an old cartoon called Woody Woodpecker (don't blame me, I didn't name it! lol) But the penultimate episode, in my opinion, was one where a detective follows Woody around, reliving a trail of events as they happened. Each time there was something that could have changed the future, the detective says, "If Woody would have gone straight to the police, none of this would have ever happened." That's how I view this. In real life, turn a different corner, and your whole life can be changed.

If Ethan had told Casey before he left, if he had said goodbye to her instead of running away like a selfish coward, of course, she would have felt differently about him. If we follow canon where he never contacted her and never returned her messages, Casey would probably still be done. Short of him having no communication with the outside world, she would have considered that enough to have ended things, too.

But say he did both of those things, and they were still "together" in some way when she met Tobias... Hmm... see, what does "together" mean? If it was still the on again, off again, not sure what I mean to you thing they had going on... and she met Tobias, who was all about "I want you." She may well have realized she deserved more than what Ethan was offering.

But, if they were actually together, publicly or secretly, Casey's not one to have a wandering eye when she's involved, so she wouldn't have looked at Tobias in that way... at first.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Casey and Ethan probably wouldn't have been end-game because their personalities are too different, and the things they want from life are not the same. To make it work, one would have had to compromise an awful lot, and that would only lead to resentment down the line.

Also, to me, Casey and Tobias are endgames, meant to be, and they would have found their way to each other. After the attack? Maybe. Once he came to Edenbrook? For sure. So I still think Tobias & Casey would have been endgame, even if Ethan had handled the Amazon more maturely.

Thanks for the ask!

[morte-mistrata]

I've been working on editing this one chapter for literally three months and I've still got so much to fix 🥲 I think part of it is that I need to rewatch the show to like, get the characterization right. But also.... It's an au so, it doesn't have to be perfect? It just has to sound like these characters would react to these circumstances.

Honestly I'm just having a hard time with the part right after this:

“They're walking pretty slow, but they’re definitely heading straight for us,” April lets the curtain fall shut, and turns away from the window. “What do you think they want from us?”

There’s no sign of panic lingering from their earlier escape in her determined stare as she looks between the five of them crowded inside the living room. Natalie wonders what that says, that everyone gets over the incredibly traumatic and weird occurrences in their everyday lives so easily. On the other hand, she supposes that it makes sense. Get to thinking too hard about the logic of the world around them- a world where aliens and supervillains and mutants are an everyday part of life- and you might just go insane.

Donnie starts to pace, and glances occasionally back at the window, as if he might find an answer on the back of the faded floral curtains. He opens his mouth, and-

“Duh,” Mikey swings an arm around Donnie’s shoulder, and jabs a finger against Donnie’s skull. “Obviously they want to eat our brains. That’s what all zombies want.”

Donnie rolls his eyes, shrugging himself free from Mikey’s grasp. “Oh, great! Seems like you’ll be safe. Why don’t you go out there and test that theory of yours?”

“Hey!” Mikey protests, and then, looking between his brothers like he thinks they might actually try it, begins to inch away from the door. “Not cool, man,” he mutters.

It’s not like zombies are an impossibility, but Natalie is very sure that these aren’t it. She’s a horror nut, same as Mikey, but her favorite genre is undeniably zombie films. From Romero to Synder, the original Night of the Living Dead to anime like High School of the Dead, Natalie has seen them all- and if these were zombies, they would’ve taken a bite when the three of them were cornered in town. That’s not necessarily a good thing. Zombies are easy; you solve them with a headshot. Whatever these are, she has no idea what to do with them. Natalie turns around, leaning on the back of the couch.

“I don’t think they’re zombies. I think they’re pod people, and pod people don’t want to munch on your brains. They want to replace you. Not that they’d want to eat you.” Natalie scrunches her nose up, and looks pointedly at Raph. “You taste horrible.”

Raph huffs. “Casey thinks I taste just fine.”

Natalie wonders what exactly he means by that, but shakes her head, dispelling the thought. Now’s not the time for gossip (and besides, Casey is shit at keeping a secret, and she’s sure she can extract plenty of blackmail material before he even realizes what she’s up to. It’s what the pair of them deserve for all the teasing they’ve sent Leo and her way.)

“Regardless of how edible you may or may not be,” April interjects before the pair of them can start to argue. “If they don’t want to eat us, then what do they want?”

In the distance, something (or someone) shrieks that same inhuman sound that Casey had made over the phone earlier. Leo turns, draping one arm over the back of the couch, but doesn’t say anything. He’s been so quiet that Natalie had almost forgotten that he was there in all the excitement.

Raph peeks out the window again, stepping aside so everyone can share the view. Now, the crowd is very obviously full of winter clothed people. They’re close enough now that Natalie can almost make out their faces.

“I think we can leave the detective work for later.” Raph warns. “We’ve got like five minutes before the whole goddamn town is on our asses.”

“Aw, man,” Mikey glances between the seven of them and the crowd outside. It must be obvious, even to him, that they’re way outnumbered. He groans, slumping dramatically against the back of the couch. “We’re gonna have to hoof it on foot, won’t we?”

Natalie pats him on the head.

This isn’t a punchable problem. They don’t have enough information to science a solution either, and there really aren’t any other approaches worth mentioning. Everyone turns to Leo, like a compass needle drawing their collective gaze north. He seems uncomfortable with the pressure, which is unlike him. Natalie wonders if their earlier discussion had gotten him down; in the show, he’d had a hard time dealing with his injury. Even though it’s not as serious as it could be, she worries that it’s still a depressing reality to deal with. She reaches for his hand, squeezing it encouragingly.

“No,” Leo says. He grabs his cane, and stands dramatically. “We’re going to stay here, and batten the hatches. We’re better off if we don’t get separated.”

“That’s what they always say…” Mikey drawls, voice growing louder with every word. “Right before they split up!”

Raph scowls, swatting the back of his head like an alarm clock. “Shut up, Mikey.”

###

Anyhow, if anyone wants to do a beta swap, I need a TMNT pal to be obsessed with.

[iamanartichoke]

All right - I’m serious, I don’t fucking know what to say. There is so much analysis to be done and I’ve got FEELS and my brain short-circuited. But, some reactions under the cut. Spoilers, obviously. 

[please blacklist spoiler tags: #loki tv series spoilers, #loki series spoilers, #loki spoilers]

*flailing* 

Well my first reaction is that - 

Okay. There was some cringe - mostly stuff that we already saw in the trailers. (Loki doesn’t say “crap,” btw. I think he says “bunk.” Which, okay.) I’m just kinda ignoring it. 

There were some genuinely funny lines and moments. Toward the latter half of the episode, there was a more subtle balance between serious and humorous and it flowed together well. 

Re: Loki’s powers - I actually really like how they handled it here. The narrative made fun of him when he tried to use his powers, but idk, I didn’t find anything wrong with it. It was amusing and the joke was not “har har Loki is weakling,” it was “har har Loki thinks he can use his powers here,” which was more funny and ic for me. Also, Loki slamming his fists down and saying DAMN IT WHY WON’T IT WORK sent me. 

That said, they did a good job showing that even a “declawed” Loki, powers-wise, was still formidable in the sense that he fell back on his wits and gave them a run for their money. Plus him getting one over on Jailer Time Lady was *chef’s kiss* 

I’m intrigued by the storyline and general plot. 

Okay, what broke my brain (and my heart) was everything between Loki and Mobius. Mobius kept dragging Loki in all the most hurtful ways we’ve all meta’ed about endlessly, and I couldn’t figure out if he was trying to goad Loki or if he actually believed what he was saying. Idk, I can’t get a firm read on Mobius at this point, although I kinda hate him a little. He preyed on all of Loki’s most vulnerable doubts and insecurities - rude. 

Most importantly - 

LOKI CRYING. Loki cried a lot. My emotional whumpy needs were met. Mobius fucking showed him Frigga’s death, and then Loki watched his own death (which they showed somewhat graphically but I really liked how we got to see Loki’s reaction as the snap of his neck occurred off-screen, like, well done and also fuck my life), and the way he stood there, laughing and crying as the realization of his wasted life - and how it ends - sunk in was just, god, my heart. 

Mobius’s interrogation revolving around forcing Loki to admit whether or not he likes hurting people and causing death and destruction was good. I also liked how, when Loki was threatening Casey, you could tell that he didn’t intend to kill Casey at all but it wasn’t done in a mocking, like, “pfft okay Loki” way, it was more like a “okay, we all know you have no intention of actually gutting Casey like a fish bc you clearly don’t enjoy hurting people and we’re establishing that right off the bat” and, yknow, that works for me. 

I’m probably forgetting things. I will have to rewatch and analyze much more closely. I anticipate many metas (sorry in advance). But, I mean, my overall reaction? There wasn’t really anything that I disliked enough to make an impression. Just the cringey humor parts and the times where Loki’s reactions felt exaggerated but, I mean, it was easy enough to overlook. I certainly didn’t get the impression that Loki was being portrayed as “clownish” or too zany, despite the trailers. Loki had a ton of really good lines; I feel like we got a solid glimpse into what’s going on in Loki’s head but there’s obviously so much more going on beneath the surface. 

And also, Loki’s mannerisms deserve mentioning! Nothing special but just, he had so many facial expressions and gestures and things that, thus far, have only existed in my imagination when reading/writing fic. He pushed his hands through his hair at one point, even. I realize I’m probably the only one lame enough to care about things like that, but I just loved watching the way Loki spoke and moved and reacted. It all felt very natural. 

ALSO. LOKI BEING D.B. COOPER BC HE LOST A BET TO THOR. LMAO. I CANNOT. 

... Imma just leave it there for now. I give this episode, upon first viewing and first reactions, a B-. More meta to follow, etc. 

[irish-urn]

OKAY BUT LISTEN.

It's so interesting to see how Derek reacts when Casey is trying to put the house back. This is one of the first times Casey has surrendered. And it's strange because as soon as she does, he's immediately offering his help it's almost like he's thinking, "Okay, she fell in line and I can benevolent ruler when I want to be." (and in turn, showing a more caring side. It's like episode 1x8, house of games, when Derek wins but still offers her the shelf space) but she rejects his olive branch (honestly, rightfully so. I'd be annoyed if I was living with someone who refused to compromise too) and he looks... so offended lol. And I can't put my finger on why but I feel like it's important.

I think he's not used to being rejected, especially when he's being benevolent. I think Derek is so used to being liked and not being criticized (I mean, look at George's discipline) that to be rejected like that is equivalent to being slapped in the face. I mean, it's one thing to be rejected when you're teasing and being a jerk — you deserve it then — but when it's a sincere offer? When it's the closest thing to a truce he's even considered? How dare she! Who does she think she is; especially when this whole thing is mostly her fault!

(I mean, we all know there was fairly equal blame spread throughout the family, but we're in Derek's head here.)

I think he offers his help because he's upset too. All of them are worried about George and Nora fighting — the earlier divorces really hurt them all, and Derek and Casey would have the most vivid memories — because they don't want to go through it again. And I think he sees Casey trying to fix things on her own, and I think he realizes that he's gotta help her, that it's only by working together that they can fix things. And I think it's a continuation of that first episode when he and Casey are screaming at each other about how happy their parents are now — he loves his family. He doesn't want it to break anymore. And Casey loves her family, and he knows that, and so he'll help her because his family and her family are now their family, even if Casey isn't family.

It's messy and complicated, but so is the situation. But there's just something about how all the antagonism falls to the wayside when they're eavesdropping on the fight: how Casey drops to her knees beside Derek and listens in, and Derek shuts up once he realizes she can hear more than him, and how he pushes Casey in front of him when they bolt up the stairs... There's an understanding that's starting to form that's bigger than the insanity and competition that is him and Casey.

[imaginingyourfandom]

family - connor rhodes & matt casey

fandom: chicago med

pairing: connor rhodes x reader, matt casey (brother)

warnings: none

request:  being matt's little sister and a doctor at Med. You and Connor are dating but have not told anyone. Matt finds out one day and you get into an argument. You have not spoken to each other until he is brought into the ED in critical condition.

requested by: anonymous

“What are you going to do?”

The night had gone to absolute shit when Matt had pretty much barged into your apartment to find you and Connor making out on your couch. You loved your brother but he had no concept for boundaries. You knew all he wanted to do was protect you but you were a grown woman and you were happy.

You sighed as you snuggled closer to your boyfriend, “Nothing. As much as I love my brother it’s time that he realised I can take care of myself and I’m happy. You make me happy and he is not going to change that.” Connor didn’t reply as he held you tighter. He loved you and the last thing he wanted was to lose you because of your over protective brother.

You had gone a few days without talking to Matt and it wasn’t like he was reaching out to you either but you had not expected for your whole world to be turned upside down when he was brought in by paramedics in critical condition.

Goodwin had made sure you got the rest of the day off while you worried about your brother while Connor did his surgery. You knew he was the best they had but he also couldn’t stop thinking about how this was effecting you.

“How are you holding up?”

You turned to find Connor walking towards you. You had found refuge on the roof as you always did whenever a case went bad so it wasn’t a surprise that Connor had found you eventually.

You exhaled, “I’m scared. The last time we talked, we argued.”

Connor wrapped his arms around you, “He’s going to be okay. The surgery went well and you should go and see him. It doesn’t matter what happened the last time you talked, he is still your brother.” You hated that he was right but you knew you had to see Matt and you did just that.

“Well, you look like crap.”

Matt laughed before clutching his chest, “Thanks, exactly what I needed to hear. I’m sorry.”

“You’re welcome,” you replied with a cheeky smile before sighing, “I’m sorry too. You know that I love you but I’m happy and I can take care of myself. I know you want to protect me but Connor makes me happy, happier than I have been in a long time. Please trust me?”

Matt grabbed your hand, “You’re right. I should not have reacted the way that I did because you are a grown woman and you deserve to be happy. Connor obviously makes you happy otherwise you would not have fought for him like you did. I just hope you know what you’re doing. I would like to meet him, officially that is.”

“Thank you, you have no idea how much that means to me. I love you and I would love for you to meet Connor, he is great guy.” You gushed. 

“I’m sure he is but you’re my little sister and if he hurts you, I will hurt him.”

“I’d expect nothing less.”

[utterlyinevitable]

Please give us your HC where Ethan discoveres Becca's toys and how they make him insecure of his skills (a biiiiit at least??) :P

not really NSFW but talks about her vibrator and orgasms. you’ve been warned. 

Ethan Discovers Becca’s Toys

Ethan and Becca have spent all morning and afternoon packing up her bedroom - after two years of dating and residency coming to an end, the man finally bulked up the courage to ask her to move in. 

He’s been to her place many many times but damn he didn’t realize how much crap she actually has. As they’ve boxed things up he made mental notes of how much more he’s going to have to move around in order to make room for her. For someone who is is 100k debt and wears sneakers nearly every day, she has way too many shoes. 

They were finally getting around to the smaller, less important parts of the room. Becca chucking things from her desk drawers into the cardboard container and Ethan tasked with doing the same with her bedside table. 

Silence fell over them. Comfortable at first but then awkward tension seeped through.   

“Why do you have this?” Ethan asked, staring at the not-at-all inconspicuous pink and black box of her rabbit nestled in the bottom drawer.   

“What?” Becca stood up and shuffled over to her now statuesque boyfriend. 

“It’s my vibrator,” she shrugged like it was nothing abnormal.

“I repeat, ‘why do you have this’?” 

Ethan’s arms were now crossed over his chest and his spine was unnaturally straight as his icy blues implored her. 

Becca picked up the box, opening up to inspect it, thinking there was something unsightly there. That maybe she hadn’t cleaned it properly after the last time.  

Ethan followed up with: “We’re together now, you don’t need it.” 

“I’m not going to throw it out just because we’re dating,” she said as she closed the box back up, not looking up at him. 

To her this wasn’t a big deal. It’s a vibrator. Any busy and self-respecting woman probably has one. And it owning one has nothing to do with her relationship status.  

“You don’t need it,” he admonished, his hands balling into fists under his armpits.  

“What if I need a release when you’re not here?” Becca bit back, playfully. She doubted she’d use it at all now that they’re living together, but who knows what could happen! He could have to go away for a week or so and she could be in dire need. 

Becca threw the box onto the bed and got a good look at him. 

In any normal situation she would be mad at him for trying to control her habits. Ethan was all about autonomy, so this was not in his character at all. His cheeks were starting to flush and red was already evident on his ears.   

“Are you insecure, Dr. Ramsey? Think I’m going to leave you for a battery operated fallice?” she teased, taking a step closer.  

He looked anywhere but at her.

They stood there in silence for a bit longer before Ethan finally whispered the most enlightening reason for his opposition; 

“I’m not good enough for you.”

It was something Ethan thought almost daily since they began their relationship. Even before he had the chance to officially call her his, Ethan knew he wasn’t the man that deserved her. Never could he imagine that fear would creep into their sex life too... 

Becca watched as his guarded resolve crumbled with his words.  

“You are. Oh my god, Ethan you are more than good enough!” she leapt towards him, concern etched all over her features. She cooed, “You have nothing to worry about.”

Becca’s palms cupped his face, pulling him down to meet her gaze. 

Ethan still wouldn’t look her in the eyes, his focus on his peripheral vision; 

“If I was good enough you wouldn’t need that… thing.” 

“It’s different,” she retorted, her hold loosening. “They’re two completely different experiences.” 

The sneer and scoff he emitted was harsh enough for her to remove her hands completely. 

Becca rubbed her eyes and groaned. 

Why did she need to defend her choices to a grown and kinky man? They’ve played with enhancers before... why’s he throwing a strop over this thing? 

“That is a quick release, like under 2-minute satisfaction to scratch an itch,” she informed, a pointer finger hitting the point home.   

Ethan’s eyes went wide. He could never get her to come that quickly. 

She noticed and back-tracked; 

“No strings, no emotion release. One-and-done type of thing.” 

Becca wasn’t helping herself in his eyes. 

Ethan slumped down on the edge of the bed next to the offending device. 

Becca sighed. 

“But with you - with you it’s something way better,” she added, moving to stand in the gap between his legs. 

Naturally Ethan’s hands rested on her hips. His gaze fixed on the old carpet, still. 

Her hands weaved through the soft strands of his hair. 

“A vibrator can’t kiss me, or whisper in my ear. It can’t touch me in all the ways I need.” She muttered, accompanying the soothing strokes along his scalp.

Ethan was powerless against her touch. He melted into her.  

She continued; “I get to feel your warmth and your heart racing against mine. How large your retinas are and heavy your eyelids get when you look at me, and that lopsided grin.” A private smile found home on her lips as she recalled her favorite intimate things about him. 

Ethan’s lips pinched together. 

He wasn’t reacting and Becca had already run through the meat and potatoes of her argument. There was just one more reason as to why she only pulls the pink silicone out in the most dire of situations.  

“With you it’s love, Ethan. Nothing could ever replace you. Not in my crotch and certainly not in my heart.” 

Finally, ocean eyes met a sea of espresso. 

“I don’t like it,” he grumbled. Though the edges of his lips quirked upwards briefly when their eyes met. 

Becca’s hands went to pat his shoulders, “Get over it. I bought it with the girls, we all have one.” 

His face scrunched up at the mental image; 

“That doesn’t help! I don’t want to think of you and your friends in a sex shop!” 

Becca rolled her eyes dramatically;  

“I don’t know what to say to stroke your fragile masculine ego, but please know you have nothing to worry about. Get with the times, old man. Couples go to sex shops all the time.”

She stepped out of his hold and continued to pack up the rest of her things. A little thankful he didn’t look further in the drawer and find the silk pouch with some other, smaller vibrating toys.  

She added with a noncommittal shrug, “And vibrators are great toys during Skype Sex.”  

His eyes went wider than ever; 

“Who are you having Skype Sex with!?”

“No one!” she all but screeched back. “Probably you if you went away for a while.”

Alright. She understands adding the last line did more harm. It was unintentional. If he wasn’t so up himself right now he could actually acknowledge how ridiculous this argument is. 

“But with the way you’re acting I don’t think we’ll ever have sex again.” 

“Wh-” 

“You’re acting like a child, Ethan. It’s an inanimate object.” 

He opened his mouth to counter, but she got there first. 

Becca held the object out for him to take, “Just put it in the box and we never have to talk about it again.” 

And for once, Ethan Ramsey did as she asked. 

“Thank you.” 

________________________________________

Masterlist

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[imaginesandinserts]

Irreverent Pt. 34 - Perfect

Title: Irreverent Pt. 34 - Perfect Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x Reader Rating: M Words: 4788

Irreverent Series Masterlist

With Aaron working late, you had decided to call it an early day, pushing aside your unread case files. They could wait. You texted Aaron as you got up to leave, telling him that you were going to be picking up Jack and he could meet you both back at your place. He'd looked up from his work briefly, meeting your eyes down in the bullpen and nodded in agreement. He watched as you walked out with Prentiss, grateful that Jack would get some time with at least one of you.

After you left, he worked quickly, hoping to make it home in time for dinner. It was funny how easily he'd started to think of your place as home too. It seemed the three of you spent a lot more time at your place compared to his apartment, which made sense as it was bigger and usually the place the team would also congregate if it wasn't at Rossi's. But it was also very you and Aaron had to admit that was part of it. Every part of that house felt like you and that made him feel at home - he'd neglected to really do that for his own apartment. Jack's room had the most effort put into it, but even then he knew that Jack much preferred your place as well.

He thought to when the two of you had told Jack that you were together. His son had kind of looked back and forth between you and him and then just nodded in understanding, asking if that meant he'd get to see Y/N more. Aaron wasn't sure what he'd been expecting truly and he had turned to gauge your reaction to it, but you'd just smiled at Jack and said that of course he'd get to see you as much as possible.

And they did - see you - as much as possible. But there was a part of Aaron that felt like he was going about the whole thing backwards. The two of you had reached this level of domesticity that made him finally feel like he had someone there, in this with him - but it also made him feel at unease because he knew there were things that you two hadn't quite talked about. You talked about Jack and you talked about your future and yet every time there was an opportunity to take your relationship further physically, he felt himself balking.

You'd both pushed some limits and there had been some heavy makeout sessions on the couch after dinner or in his office after everyone had left - but between work and all the cases that kept coming up and this odd hesitancy on his part, it just hadn't quite happened yet. He could see the question in your eyes every time as he'd suddenly notice how far the two of you had gotten and how entirely willing and pliant and soft you were under his touch and he'd force himself to stop and say something along the lines of "Oh we should wait" or "Do we really want the first time to be in the office?" And you'd accept it but he saw the question that you didn't ask in your eyes. He didn't really have an answer beyond the feeling that it had been so long for the both of you and he wanted it to be good. No, not good. He wanted it to be perfect. Because you deserved that and he had a feeling you hadn't had perfect and he didn't think perfect could happen when it was hurried and rushed and you were both worried about waking Jack or it was some hotel in Oklahoma with your coworkers in the next room.

He did in fact manage to make it home in time for dinner. He unlocked the front door to your place, letting himself in - that was another thing, who exchanged house keys before they'd slept together? He could hear music coming from the kitchen, and as he walked in he sees both you and Jack with flour everywhere, belting out Here Comes the Sun. He feels his heart swell at the sight.

His laugh turns both yours and Jack's attention to him. "Daddy!" His son runs towards him and he catches him.

"What's going on here?" He points to Jack's little apron and the mess the two of you had made in the kitchen.

"Y/N said we can bake cookies to take to school tomorrow," Jack explains as his father sets him down on the counter.

You're still mixing the batter together, just as covered in flour as Jack. He walks over to you and places a quick kiss on your cheek, swiping at some of the flour on your face.

"You're just in time for dinner," you tell him, covering the bowl and placing it in the fridge, to be baked afterwards.

"Alright, I'm going to go change and I'll help Jack get cleaned up too," he says, going to pick Jack up from the counter where he'd gotten his hands into the flour again.

You laugh and just nod as both Aaron and Jack leave the kitchen. It had been a great afternoon for you with Jack, the two of you had first gone through the recipe book and picked out the cookies he wanted. After a quick trip to the corner shop to grab the missing items, you two had set out and made a bit of a mess, but it had been fun and wholesome and it was moments like this with him that you cherished the most.

*------------*

You were on a case involving kids again. The Unsub had so far killed two fifteen year olds - a boy and a girl - and left their mangled bodies on the porch of their homes for their parents to find. The sight of mangled fifteen year old bodies on suburban porches was enough to turn anyone's stomach. The working theory was that it was another kid - probably a wronged classmate.

"Teenage Unsubs are the worst - they pretty much all profile as sociopaths," Derek says as the team finishes the briefing on the plane.

"I mean, you remember being a teenager - all that angst and drama built up in your head. Even the slightest thing could set you off," Emily responds while getting up to get something to eat from the back of the plane.

"Not everyone was a goth with mommy issues Prentiss." Derek's smirking in that self assured way that reminds you that despite everything he's been through, boy still grew up to be a popular jock.

You have to hide your snicker as Emily throws a middle finger in Derek's direction.

"You know," Spencer speaks up from beside you on the couch, "we don't know what you were like as a teenager, Y/N. I mean Derek was a jock and Emily was a goth and JJ claims she was a sweet soccer player but let's be real we all know she was a mean girl." JJ just rolls her eyes at Spencer. This was an old argument for them.  "What were you like?"

"Umm, I don't know, normal I guess?" You shrug, feeling a little put on the spot - how do you explain what you were like as a teenager to a group of profilers and not have it be torn apart?

You hear a scoff and you all turn to Hotch whom the uncharacteristic sound had come from. He usually didn't let himself get drawn into these conversations.

"I'm sorry, you have something to share with the class, Hotch?" You quirk an eyebrow at him.

He looks up at you, shaking his head in a mixture of disbelief and amusement. "You were not normal. Come on." He has the slightest of smirks on his face, alluding to how much more he knows and how much better he knows you, compared to anyone else. Thin ice buddy.

"He's right," Emily chimes in, "We all know you were THAT girl."

"Who is THAT girl?" you ask, using quotation marks. They all look like they're agreeing with Hotch and Emily and you have no idea why.

"Ha! The only person who would have to ask who THAT girl is, is someone who was THAT girl," Derek answers, looking far too pleased with the turn of conversation.

Rossi is simply sitting there turning through the case files, watching the exchange in amusement, the way one might watch toddlers interact with one another as though they're adults.

"I believe what they're all talking about," Spencer explains, "is you were the person that everyone at school liked - but they didn't know why. You were nice but not too nice. You were polite and cordial but you didn't really have friends. Popular without even trying to be. Every guy probably wanted to date you but no one could have you. And seeing as you went to a new school every few years, you got to hold on to your whole mysterious stranger thing."

You have no idea how to react to that assessment. Spencer was a good profiler, no doubt, but this seemed rehearsed almost. And they were all agreeing with him. Like they'd all talked about it before…

You narrowed your eyes and looked only at Hotch. There was no way that was Spencer's profile - at least not his alone. "He came up with that by himself, did he?"

His smirk just gets deeper because he knows they have it - you haven't denied it.

"Do you all just sit around and talk about me? Is that it? You need lives." You roll your eyes, the smallest of smiles making its way onto your face before they all dissolve into fits of laughter at your expense.

*------------*

Two cases with kids back to back was a lot and its toll was obvious on everyone.  You'd managed to identify the Unsub as Nathan Crest, a fifteen year old who was kidnapping classmates he had a grudge against. He'd already gone through three out of the five names on his list that Penelope had found on his blog. The fifth girl was in custody but you'd been too late and the fourth - Casey Adams - was taken that morning on his way to school.

"Garcia, have you checked any other blogs or social media he might be updating in order to track him?" Hotch is frustrated that they haven't found the Unsub yet and every second is time wasted because he dumps his victims within 24 hours.

"Sir, I'm tracking any information we have on him and if he as much as logs in, I'll know. But until he does, we don't have much."

Casey Adams' parents have been at the police station all day and JJ has been sitting with them, trying to better understand why Nathan might have a grudge against Casey specifically. Unfortunately, parents rarely think their own kids are problematic and so far they'd been unhelpful and hysterical.

The problem was, there wasn't a pattern. Every name on the list seemed random at best with no connection to Nathan, and the team hadn't been able to pin down motive at all. Nathan's parents were refusing to help the police. You'd had to draw the conclusion that these were all perceived slights by Nathan who had chosen to escalate and devolve quickly.

You were looking over the victimology again to better understand maybe where he was holding them. The first girl, Tabitha Avery had been sweet, leader of the church choir with the voice of angel apparently. Gregory Smith, the first boy, was the lead player on the soccer team, and Amy Tabot was captain of the debate team. They all had such bright and happy futures ahead of them. They were all well liked, popular but not too popular, they were all nice, good kids who didn't bully Nathan by any means. So what was the connection?

There's a small thought tingling in the corner of your brain, and so you pull out the file on Casey Adams. Casey was a seemingly good student and was lead of the school play. You also pulled out the file on the final girl, Rebecca Stump - she was safe at least. Rebecca, it appeared, was a straight A student, always on honor roll.

Funny how they're all accomplished kids in one way or another. Sports, music, debate, theatre, and academics…

"Um, Hotch?" You try to get his attention because you're pretty sure you have a thought and it might just be it.

He looks at you, eyebrows raised in question. "You have something?"

"I think so," you respond, showing him all of the kids' files. "They were all accomplished kids in one way or another - they were all y'know THAT girl…or boy I suppose."

"You're thinking, what if Nathan wanted to excel in all of those things as well?" He's nodding along and adding on, catching up to your train of thought.

"Yeah, and if that's the case and he targeted them because they have something or are good at something that he wants to be good at - wouldn't you want to hurt them in the exact place where you had to face their talent?"

"School theatre."

"Yeah."

He's already calling it in as you gear up to head out.

By the time you get to the school, SWAT has the entire theatre building surrounded and the school campus was long cleared off. Morgan, Prentiss, and JJ are entering through the front of the theatre while Rossi and Spencer take the side entrances, leaving the back entrance that leads to the stage, for you and Hotch.

As you slowly and silently inch your way in, you can see Casey Adams tied up to a chair, at the edge of the stage. You and Hotch make eye contact and he indicates to you to go from the right side of the stage and he'll go from the left. Morgan has already confronted Nathan and they're talking, with Morgan trying to talk him down from hurting Casey.

You can see that Nathan has a gun, but also a knife stashed in the back of his pants. He's waving the gun at Casey.

"Nathan," you hear Hotch try to engage him now. "You won't get anything by hurting Casey, but you do risk losing everything. Let us help you."

"You won't help me! All you'll do is ignore me and throw me away because I'm not good enough or smart enough or talented enough for them!"

He's devolved quite a bit and you feel your stomach sinking as he's not backing down.

He goes to press the trigger of the gun now pointed at Casey's head and you hear two gunshots. You see that Casey had made a valiant jump forward off the edge of the stage and just barely missed being shot. Derek's bullet was now embedded in Nathan's skull.

*------------*

The plane ride back had been muted. Both Derek and Hotch were blaming themselves for not being able to connect with Nathan fast enough to talk him down and prevent his death. You knew that Aaron would feel the guilt and the weight of the death of a kid - even if he had been the Unsub. He wouldn't focus on the fact that the other child survived - that'd be far too easy for Aaron Hotchner.

You'd all landed late at night and Jack was still with Jess. Aaron had followed you back to your place at your urging, knowing that him being alone right now would be worse.

You waited at the doorstep, for him to park, and let the two of you in. Wordlessly, he moved to the kitchen - a drink was very much needed. He reached your liquor cabinet and pulled out the scotch that was kept there for him and Dave along with two glasses. You'd taken off your shoes in the foyer and joined him, hoisting yourself onto the island, your legs dangling in front. He was pouring out the liquor for the both of you and turned to hand you a glass, before leaning against the opposite counter.

You didn't know how to help him, comfort him. He looked so exhausted and so done and while you'd tried to talk to him on the plane, you knew it had fallen flat. He wasn't going to just snap out of it because of a few words. So instead you sipped at the scotch he'd handed you, wincing at the burn of it going down your throat and leaving behind a heat in your chest.

He was drinking silently, contemplatively, his brow furrowed and his shoulders hunched. He'd dropped his jacket on the couch on the way in and the sleeves of his shirt were folded up to the elbows, his tie loosened around his neck and the collar button undone. Only the dim lights running underneath the cabinets were on and the shadows cast on his face made him so much more picturesque - like an old time Hollywood star, you think fondly.

"We should fuck." Your blunt words cut through the silence, prompting him to look up in surprise, unsure if he'd heard you correctly.

"Excuse me?" No, there was no way that's what you'd just said - he was hearing things. He watches as you slowly place your glass on the counter, a fair distance from where you're actually seated. Your body is tense and the look on your face suggests that even you were surprised by what you'd said. But your eyes - brazen and fiery - betrayed only by the slight tremor he caught as you moved your hand back towards you, your eyes told him that you knew exactly what you were saying.

"You heard me." You take a deep breath as his eyes are still on you and he's put his glass down on the counter behind him. "We should fuck." You can feel your heart beating fiercely in your chest - in fear of rejection or anticipation - you're not sure which.

Aaron's moving to come closer to you and you part your legs, allowing him to stand between them. He's not really doing much besides watching you curiously, so you reach out and wrap your hands around his shoulders and meet his eyes. He seems conflicted as he asks you, is voice soft and uncertain, "Is this because of the case?"

You swallow before pulling him closer, placing a light kiss to the edge of his face, close to his ear. The shiver that runs through him is entirely involuntary. "A little," you admit, your voice low and your breath warm against his ear. "But also because I really want to." You place a small kiss at the top of his ear. "And because I think you do too." The lightest brush of your lips touches his jaw. "And no matter what it will never be exactly perfect." Another kiss gently placed on his cheek. Your fingers are intertwined around his neck now. You tilt back so you can see his face properly. He looks dazed and his breathing is harsher. His hands have found their way around your waist, slowly caressing back and forth. "And because we should really really fuck."

His lips crash into yours almost immediately and he can feel you smile into the kiss before he invades your mouth. Your legs cross together behind him, and you pull yourself flush against him so there's no mistaking exactly where you want this to go. You break away from his mouth and move your attention to his jaw and neck, your hands fumbling with the buttons on his shirt in the quest to feel skin.

You manage to undo his tie and toss it aside, before he grunts out, "We're not doing this in the kitchen." Cupping your ass and picking you up, your legs still wound around him, he easily makes the trek up to your bedroom.  By the time he arrives at your door, his shirt has been entirely unbuttoned and pulled out from his pants and your lips have scorched every inch of reachable, visible skin.

His hand fumbles with the light switch by the door, and as you pause your exploration to look at him in question, he explains, "I wanna see you." His voice is strangled and yet still firm and you find yourself nodding in understanding as he manages to get the lights on and carry you towards the bed. He puts you down to finish taking his shirt off and watches as you shimmy out of your own pants and top while you wait for him, leaving you in only your bra and underwear.

You could feel yourself growing warmer as you watched Aaron undo his belt and take his pants off, from your spot on the bed. His eyes had been trained on you the entire time as you'd shed your clothing and his gaze over your body caused a shudder to run through you. There was a part of you that had expected him to put this off again and the fact that it was happening at all - finally - felt like a miracle. You'd wanted him to feel comfortable and ready whenever the two of you did become intimate but you wouldn't lie and say you'd enjoyed the wait. You might be a prude with other men, but with Aaron you'd felt ready for so long that it had been really hard to have the tables turned and have him be the one stalling.

You tried to commit this image of him to memory, standing in your room, breathing hard, hair rumpled from your hands running through it.

Having gotten down to his boxers, he leaned down to kiss you again, gently pushing you further along the bed, towards the headboard. His hands exploring the new skin that was exposed, and the feel of him touching you after so long was nothing short of exquisite. His hand reached around to the back of your bra, pausing until you nodded, before he deftly undid the hooks, allowing it to fall forward and off.

His eyes went to your breasts immediately and he notices some writing on your skin to the side that the bra had covered - date in elegant black script. You saw the question in his eyes. "Julian's birthday," you explain, your voice low and hesitant. He nods in understanding before pressing his lips to it. No one had ever been this gentle with you.

Aaron is determined to paint your skin with his lips, ghosting over the swell of your breasts, down your stomach, until his mouth reaches the top of your underwear. He looks up at you, meet your shining, anticipating eyes, before quickly ridding you of your underwear as well. The first touch of his mouth to your heat has a moan escaping your lips. With one hand on your stomach to hold you down, he licks up your slit, drawing another moan from you. Your hands are scrambling for something to grab onto and he helps you find his, fingers intertwined with yours, while continuing to lick and nip gently at your clit.

You are so wet and everything is so warm and of course he'd be good at this. The only grounding force are his hands in yours because otherwise you've been gone since the second he went down on you. You can feel the knot growing tighter and tighter in your stomach, your breaths hard and shallow, and your toes curling. Your hips buck into his face as you feel your orgasm wash over you, his name expelled from you. He helps you ride through it, stopping only when your trembles end and your legs go limp.

"So beautiful," he murmurs, moving up to meet your mouth again and kissing you languidly, as you taste yourself on him. He truly believes it - flush with color, hair mussed, a thin layer of sheen over your body, and the slightest of lazy smiles gracing your mouth - you've never looked better to him.

You reach for the top of his boxers, eager to see all of him and return the favor, but your hands are too clumsy and he has to help, shedding them himself. You feel your eyes widen at the sight of him. You'd suspected of course that he would be big, but wow. Before he can stop you, you've leaned down and kissed the tip, licking up the precome gathered there and the reaction is instantaneous.

"Fuck." His voice is guttural and the sound is like lightning through you.

You find yourself grinning dazedly up at him. Aaron Hotchner does not swear. Not usually at least.

The sight of you bent down in front of him, your mouth on his cock is likely enough to finish him. He has no intention of that however. He manhandles you to lay back against the pillows and climbs over you, his mouth meeting yours once again. You bring your hands back to his shoulders as he pulls away from your mouth to line himself up with your slit. He meets your eyes, before kissing you again and pushing in. The way you grasp him, wet and warm and tight, has him groaning out loud.

When he meets your eyes again there's only one word in his mind - Mine. He's not sure where this incredibly possessive thought came from but it has him pulling back out and then in again with a staggering force.

Your mouth is right near his ear, lips just at his ear and this moan is meant just for him. "Yours."

Had he said it out loud? He had. He had if your lust blown eyes are anything to go off of.

FUCK.

His hands find your breasts, tweaking the nipple into a hardened bud, and it's all so much and you're not ready to come again so soon. He can feel you pushing up at him.

He pushes in again, before flipping you over, still sheathed inside. He's deeper but you have more control now. You meet his mouth and swallow his groans as you rotate your hips on top of him, using his shoulders as leverage to move yourself up and down. It's all moans and hard breathing and he's never looked this vulnerable, letting you take control like this. His warm brown eyes are so so dark and his hands are skimming down you, finding your arms and then your hands, off of his shoulders, intertwining your fingers again and helping you move.

"You're close, sweetheart." It's not a question, he can tell as your hips have lost their rhythm.

You can't respond, so you only nod as his hips take control, thrusting up into you and his thumb finds your clit. Once, twice. And you can feel yourself falling and falling. It’s hard to breathe and you come with a silent scream, shuddering through the hardest orgasm you've ever experienced.

You're pretty sure you blacked out for a moment, because when you come to, he's maneuvered you to your hands and knees and he's behind you and all around you and when you look up you can see the two of you reflected in the mirror in the corner and his hips are slamming into you towards the finish line. I wonder how many times he's thought about that. You watch, mesmerized by the sight, as he lifts you with an arm wrapped around your breasts, his chest flush against your back, his other hand finding your clit and his lips on your neck, leaving a trail of wet open mouthed kisses.

"Come on sweetheart, one more, come with me." You can feel his hips stuttering as he quickly and efficiently gets you to your third orgasm. You turn your head to meet his lips as he spills into you, swallowing his groans as he pushes you off the edge with him.

He slowly slips out of you and that incredibly full feeling leaves you. The two of you fall back towards the bed, him dragging you with him, on top.

The two of you lay like that for seconds, minutes, it could've been hours really, your mind is too hazy to remember.

"You were wrong." His hands are trailing through your hair gently and his voice is soft and almost sleepy.

You look at him with half-lidded eyes, from your place half on top of him. "About?"

"It was perfect."

The smile on his face, was everything.

[tmntgirlie]

TMNT Universe!Reader x Turtles 4

A giant rat. Four mutated turtles. These were now your roommates. Did I mention your living quarters were inside a sewer?

You always wondered how nobody ever found them by accident. Surely, there were teams of employees that worked in the sewers. If there was anything that seemed fishy or out of place, they’d be called to investigate. Right?

To be honest, it was kind of amazing. They lived underneath people that would possibly never even know they existed. They fought crime in the shadows, protecting people that would never know their names.

Except April. Casey. That Falcon guy, what was his name again? And those police officers you remembered from the 2016 movie. They all knew, but that was it. That was a very small friends list. It was smaller than your own, which was really saying something.

No wonder they were so out of touch with socialization. And socializing.

“What time is it?” you asked, finally breaking the pregnant silence that ensued after your prolonged questioning.

“Almost two in the afternoon,” Donatello answered immediately.

You hummed quietly to yourself. “What do you guys usually do all day?”

“Depends, dudette,” Michelangelo said with a sly smile. “Depends on our company.” After a firm wack from his red-banded brother, he forced a laugh. “We eat, train, play video games. Like anybody else.”

You started to reconsider your promise to not get a job or anything up top. This was a dream situation, really, but was that really it?

These boys needed some spice in their lives.

“How old are you guys now?” you asked.

“Twenty-ish,” the blue-banded leader said. “We don’t really have birthdays, but we know we’re all at least twenty.”

“You don’t have birthdays?” Your expression changed from surprise to pure sadness. “I can’t imagine not having a birthday. You don’t know your star signs, your daily horoscopes, when the right day is to finally have your first drink- legally, anyway-, that kind of sucks.”

“It’s not like we can throw a party anyway,” Raphael said. “It would be like any other day in the sewers.”

Well, they weren’t wrong. If your calculations were correct, and you were pretty sure they were, this was 2020 in their time as well. You thought that in the 2014 movie they had been around 15, and around 17 in the 2016 movie. It made sense they were around 20 or 21 by now. Meaning it was only about five or so years since they met April and the Falcon guy, and three or four years since they met Casey Jones.

(If the turtles weren’t an option, you’d definitely go for Casey. He just had this way about him. It was too bad you figured he was well along with April by this point.)

“That only tells me that we have years to make up in parties,” you said with a grin. “Around twenty to be exact. Besides, parties don’t have to have fifty people. I’d much rather prefer a party with less than ten people that I’m close to. It’s too much otherwise.”

In less than ten minutes, you found yourself planning a party for four mutant turtles that didn’t even exist in your universe. Sure, they weren’t teenagers anymore, but they were close enough to probably enjoy some high school party games. Spin the bottle, truth or dare, two truths and a lie, House Party- they were probably too old to play musical chairs, right?

You weren’t even sure if alcohol was on the table or not.

You liked video games as much as the next person, but there was something more genuine about playing games without electronics. Maybe it was just you being nostalgic. Monopoly on the Nintendo Switch just didn’t have the same dramatic effect as playing it at the dinner table, with the banker not really keeping great track of the money.

The game of Life probably wouldn’t be a great idea. Would they be able to even hold the tiny people pegs?

This party could just consist of you, the four boys, and Splinter- but on second thought, you weren’t sure how he would react to a jolly game of spin the bottle. You’d have to get in contact with Casey, April, and maybe even that other dude. What the heck was his name?

“Hey, Donnie,” you called, leaning over the notepad you had been writing on. “What’s the dude’s name that took credit for that whole thing that happened with Sacks and the mutagen?”

He seemed a bit taken aback by the question. “Vernon. Why, what do you need with him?”

“I might be adding him to the guest list,” you said slowly, trying to judge his face for his reaction. It seemed positive enough. “Might make things a little more interesting.”

“Are you really planning us a party?” Michelangelo asked as he plopped down next to you on the couch.

You quickly hid the list at your side. “Maybe. I’m not really a planner per se, but you guys deserve something like this.”

“You’ve known us for less than a day,” he said with a lilt in his voice. He frowned. “How do you know what we deserve?”

“If everything I know about you guys is true, you deserve at the very least a celebration of your existence,” you said matter-of-factly. “Since I don’t know your birthdays. I think it’ll be fun.”

“That’s so nice!”

“Reading stuff about you guys brought me out of funks many times in my life, it’s only right that I do something for you, too.” You just smiled. It was still such a surreal situation. Were you really going to throw a party for these turtles? And invite April, Casey, and Vern?

“As long as it’s alright with you,” you said quickly. “I am just a guest right now- an unwelcome guest at that.”

“Nah, don’t even think that! We’ve dealt with way weirder stuff. It’s nothing having you here. If you’re looking for permission, I’d probably talk to Leonardo or Master Splinter. Probably Leo more, though.”

It wasn’t like this was some illegal drug-infused party. Why did you feel so nervous to ask the blue-banded leader for permission?

[alj4890]

Delicate

(Ethan Ramsey x Olivia Nevarkis) (Olivia Nevarkis x Drake Walker) in a Choices The Royal Romance/Open Heart Crackship Series

A/N Picking up directly after Drake's visit and fallout. This will lead into the Christmas season, with Ethan inviting Olivia to spend the holidays with him and his father.

@jooous ​ ​ @krsnlove ​ @nomadics-stuff ​   @twinkleallnight ​ @motorcitymademadame ​

Masterlist

Part 5

Ethan knew something was wrong. Even without his highly attuned ability to detect the slightest tics and movements people made when dealing with pain, he still would have known that Olivia was upset.

What bothered him was that she felt the need to keep it hidden.

He thought they were well past the stage of not being completely honest. It had been one of the most difficult yet rewarding part of their ever developing relationship. It was terrifying and freeing to be able to tell her anything.

Ethan knew he needed her. He had made it a point to never allow himself to need anyone. He once believed that it was a weakness, something that any sane person should be able to do without. One should be able to stand and face whatever life threw at them without having someone there to help you through it.

Or so he thought until Naveen nearly died.

Then seeing Bryce's reaction when Casey was poisoned.

Those two situations had opened his eyes and made him come to some uncomfortable conclusions about himself.

He was human. And what did all humans share? The ability and need to love...to have someone all their own to be there during life's brightest and darkest moments.

As he finished prepping the turkey breast for tomorrow's dinner, his eyes drifted over to the one he believed was his someone.

He hoped that he had become Olivia's.

"How was your day?"

Olivia shrugged. "Fine for the most part."

Ethan washed his hands then reached for a bottle of wine. Setting two glasses out, he filled them while studying her.

Olivia muttered her thanks when he handed hers to her. She absentmindedly swirled her wine while a slight frown formed.

Ethan reached out and caressed her cheek. When her eyes met his, he allowed her to see his concern.

"Drake came to my apartment earlier." She blurted out.

"He did?" Ethan gestured for them to move into his living room. After settling comfortably on his sofa, he patiently waited for her to continue.

"Yes." She bit out. "He supposedly came on his way to his family's ranch to show me pictures of the progress on the hospital. Her frown eased at that memory. "I can't wait until you see it. It is turning out just like we hoped."

A hint of a smile formed on his lips over this shared dream of theirs coming about. "I can't wait either."

Hearing Ethan say that caused the gnawing worry to grow even more. Was it the beginning of the end for them? Drake's parting words kept repeating over and over her mind. Somehow they seemed more prophetic than insulting the longer she dwelled on them.

"You really think this Ramsey is what you need?" Drake taunted. "One day you'll leave here and he will see the real you in Cordonia. This Boston bubble you're living under is going to pop. What will he do when he sees you as a duchess, mingling amongst the court?"

"You think he'll adore you then? Just wait until he hears all the tales of your years of temper tantrums and cruelty."

"Liv?" Ethan pulled her into his arms. "What happened?"

She didn't want to tell him. She hated this fear Drake had caused in the one area she had come to love. The simple happiness she had found in Boston was now tainted with doubt. He had made her once again hate herself.

Was her act of redemption going to never end? Was she to pay for every word and action she had done for the rest of her life?

Does nothing I do matter?

She closed her eyes tight when Ethan brushed a tender kiss to her furrowed forehead.

I don't deserve someone like him.

His hand rubbed her back in soothing circles while he waited.

Olivia felt tears prick her eyes. He was the only person she had ever known to give her physical comfort. The way he held her as if she was precious to him without trying to turn it into something sexual made her want cry.

She couldn't lose this. Lose him.

But she also couldn't deceive him.

"Ethan," her voice trembled making her hate herself even more for needing him, "You know about my past with Drake."

She felt him tense yet he continued to try and soothe her.

"I do."

She looked up at him and saw his own face etched in worry.

"He...we got into an argument about that and..." It was too hard. She couldn't stand the thought of destroying the way Ethan looked at her. The way he cared for her...

"Olivia," he tried not to let his fear take over of losing her to her former lover, "are you trying to tell me that you..." He couldn't get the words out. He couldn't stand the thought of going back to how his life was before she became a central part of it.

His mind stuttered at that. Medicine had once been his central part. Everything in his adult life had revolved around it. And while it still was a big part of who he was, Olivia had somehow created a niche all her own in that center. Somewhat entwined in it, yet on a personal level, he found that every decision he had made from the moment they met were made about her. From choosing a restaurant she might like to moving to her country to work at her proposed hospital, she had become his life.

Had Drake unknowingly destroyed his life in one brief visit?

"That I what?" She asked.

His blue eyes held her green. "That you want to get back together with Drake?"

Her eyes widened. "Good Lord, no." Her nose wrinkled. "That is the last thing I want."

She felt his arms relax as they cuddled her closer. His forehead dropped against hers as he dealt with the heady relief that her admittance brought.

Realizing he had been scared she was ending things caused a need to reassure him. Her lips met his in a tender kiss. She could feel the deep longing he had for her in his response. He still held her gently as their kiss came to an end.

"What did he say?" Ethan asked.

"He was angry that I don't see the need to keep discussing why our barely a relationship had to end." She bit her lip. "Then he brought up you."

Ethan arched an eyebrow. He had not been around the man enough to form an unbiased opinion. He knew the flare of jealousy was from what he assumed was going to be an attack on his own character in the hopes of stealing Olivia from him.

"What about me?" He didn't bother to hide the annoyance tempering his tone.

"How you'll be when you see me in Cordonia." Olivia averted her eyes. "And how what we have here will be completely destroyed."

His eyes narrowed at such a choice of words. "Why would it be destroyed?"

"Ethan, you," she lowered her head into her hands for a moment. Taking a deep breath, she forced the words out. "You know some of my past already. You've witnessed my temper. But I...I used to be cruel. I've changed these last few years, and it has helped heal relationships I have with some members of the court." She looked up at him to see how he was reacting. "But Drake believes once you hear their stories and see me as the prideful duchess that you will not want to be with me."

"First off," Ethan snapped, "he doesn't know a damn thing about me or how I feel about you. From what I know of you, you deserve to walk into every ballroom with your head held high." He snorted in irritation. "They should be begging for your attention."

Olivia briefly smiled at that. Only he could turn one of her faults into a compliment.

"Secondly, I haven't been known to be the kindest doctor to work with."

"Your patients would disagree."

He huffed. "That's because I work to help them." He pulled her closer within his arms. "Jerk might be the nicest word interns and other medical staff have referred to me." Ethan pressed another kiss to the top of her head. "And my quick temper might give yours a run for its money ." He grinned when he heard her muffled laugh. "And I've never been known for being a forgiving man."

She wrapped her arms around him as she settled her head in the crook of his neck and shoulder. "If anyone tells you about me, then--"

"I know who you are, Olivia." Ethan stressed. "I will never hold your past up as a standard to measure your actions by."

Silent tears slipped down her cheeks.

"Thank you." She whispered.

"Don't thank me." He grumbled. "And don't believe what Drake said." He grimaced as a thought struck. "Though I can imagine why he acted like he did."

She swiped at her stray tears. "You can?"

He nodded before resting his cheek against her head. "Who knows how I would react if this was reversed? I might have lashed out at you in frustration if you refused to give me a second chance."

She lifted her head to see his face.

He met her gaze and softly smiled again. "Especially since I am in love with you."

"You--" her lips parted in surprise, "You are in love with me?

"I am."

Olivia knew in that moment what was truly in her heart. All the questions she had asked herself that morning finally had an answer. And all because Ethan had done the one thing that no man had ever done before.

He did not judge her for her past, her name, anything. He accepted her, faults and all, and loved her for every single part.

"I love you too." She smiled against his lips. "I have never loved anyone like I do you."

Their kiss held a new edge to the usual passion. Having expressed their feelings, the need to show just how much they loved one another took over.

While clothes were beginning to be hastily tossed around the living room, Olivia's phone vibrated softly in her purse.

***************

Hearing the beep, Drake cleared his throat. "I know I am probably the last person you want to talk to but I need to say I'm sorry. I didn't mean any of what I said. I wish..."

He took a deep breath. "I wish you would give me a second chance to show you that I do care the way you wanted me to. I know you're with Ramsey now, but I want to try what you asked me all those months ago. I want to be with you, out in the open."

He lifted his eyes to the ceiling of his hotel room in Kentucky. "I won't keep bothering you. I'll give you time to think it over and wait until the New Year's Eve Ball to hear your answer." He rubbed the back of his neck. "Hana said you told her you'd be back by then. I hope I didn't...didn't ruin what chance I could have."

Pausing once more, he dropped his head in his hand.

"Take care, Libby." He said softly before ending the call.

******************

That night, Oliva felt once more at peace. In the darkness of Ethan's bedroom, she smiled at how he was spooned around her. His slow deep breaths of sleep lulled her even more into the addictive security his presence gave her.

She kept replaying his words of love in her mind. In many ways it surprised her, and yet deep down she thought she must have already known. Every action, every kind word, every kiss had revealed that he had given her his heart. And she in turn had given him hers without even realizing it.

As hard as it was to find some type of silver lining to Drake's hurtful words, she supposed she should be grateful for them. Her sharing it had possibly prompted Ethan to tell her how he felt about her.

She yawned while snuggling back against her doctor. His arms pulled her even closer as he slept.

She felt both exhausted and wired. The day had been filled with one extreme emotion after another. And yet, the words both men had said kept her awake.

Olivia didn't know if she had it in her to forgive Drake. To have someone that you actually trust bring up the worst pieces of yourself as a threat to ruin the one good thing you have...how could he do that to her? She had been hurt when he didn't return her feelings, but this fight today had damaged them to the point that she wasn't sure if she even wanted him as a friend.

I would never say something like that to him if he managed to find happiness with someone else, she thought to herself.

Ethan had been much more understanding of Drake's actions than she could ever be.

She knew it wasn't necessarily a good thing that she never gave people second chances. Why would she after all the betrayals she had suffered in life? She barely needed both hands to count the number of people she had over the years that had never betrayed her.

Had Drake entered into the category she kept for her parents, Lucretia, Constantine, and numerous nobles at court?"

I don't know, she thought. I don't know how I feel over what he did.

She thought about his voicemail. It didn't matter how sincere Drake sounded or that he now wanted to try. His apology seemed hollow. Perhaps it was because he truly didn't know her now. These months in Boston had changed her, possibly even more than she realized.

She wasn't the same proud duchess that had once sworn vengeance to anyone who opposed her. She had learned the difficult art of give and take. She made herself listen and think through everything before losing her temper or forming a hard decision. It had been an ongoing battle, but she felt that she had a somewhat better control than she once had. Today's fight with Drake had proved that she wasn't the same quick tempered, plan to skewer a person on the edge of her dagger she had once been. She had stepped out of her comfort zone and lived for the most part as a normal person, proving to herself that she truly could survive on her own in any situation.

This venture had shown her that she was more than what her ancestors had stressed a Nevarkis should be. The people in Cordonia would most likely still see her as her old self, but she knew and it seemed that Ethan did also who she truly was. Her strength, her refusal to back down from a fight, her very heart had been used for good.

Drake didn't see it. He never saw the potential she had to do something meaningful and right. Maybe it was because she hadn't allowed him to do so. Maybe they really never had a chance to see the best in one another.

Could we have found a way to happiness if we had not spent years torturing each other with our spiteful words?

Deciding that that was a thought that would probably never be answered, she closed her eyes and eventually drifted off to sleep.

********************

Weeks went by too quickly for some and not nearly fast enough for others. Edenbrook had closed its doors leaving many with bittersweet emotions. Ethan, Naveen, and Olivia had spent what free time they had packing and shipping their personal belongings to Cordonia. Decisions were made for the two doctors to stay with her in Lythikos while they searched for homes of their own.

While rushing about, Amanda and Thomas came to help a week before Christmas.

On their second night together, the ladies sent Ethan and Thomas to get dinner, giving them a moment to talk alone.

"Did you come for me or for the snow?" Olivia teased when Amanda insisted the two of them take a break from packing and go for a walk.

"Since you have always had the best snow," Amanda replied with a twinkle of mischief, "I always come for you."

She laughed when Olivia snorted.

"Are you excited?" She prodded as their boots crunched in the snow.

"About finally seeing the new hospital?" Olivia linked her arm through Amanda's when they entered a nearby park. "Of course."

"I am too." Amanda took a deep breath and cut her eyes toward her friend. "And I am very excited to see you and a certain doctor together at the New Year Eve's ball."

Olivia didn't bother to mask how happy she was. "I have something to tell you."

"Oh?"

"Ethan, he...on Thanksgiving, he admitted he is in love with me."

"About time." Amanda grumbled playfully. "Each time I visit, I see just how much he does love you."

Olivia stopped their progress through a path of lighted trees. "You knew all this time? Why didn't you tell me?"

Amanda's laughter at the death glint in Olivia's eyes echoed across the park. "Because you would have dismissed it like you always have whenever I brought up heartfelt emotions."

She placed a hand on her hip and somehow did a convincing impression of Olivia. "Please. No man can truly capture a Nevarkis heart, much less make me willing to be his," Amanda managed to twist her lips in disgust like Olivia's as she flicked her hand in a very recognizable gesture, "love slave."

Olivia rolled her eyes while struggling with her laughter. "I don't sound like that."

"Not now that you're in looovvve." Amanda responded playfully.

"Why do I share things with you?" Olivia muttered.

"Because you love me." Amanda wrapped her arm around her. "Not as much as you love Ethan, but I can live with that."

Olivia snorted again as she tried to brush it off. As hard as she tried, a soft smile formed on her lips. "You're right."

"I am happy you both know how you feel about one another." Amanda's teasing turned serious. "It would have driven you crazy with trying to guess."

"I suppose it would have irritated me." Olivia admitted. 

“I know it would have driven me insane watching you both tiptoe around the issue.” Amanda grumbled.

“It surprised me.” Olivia admitted. 

“It did? Why?”

“I--I suppose I didn’t expect it to happen.” She felt embarrassed just saying it. “I don’t think I ever thought I would meet someone to feel like that... I never thought of any of it happening to me.”

Amanda's heart ached at realizing just how damaged Olivia still was over her parents. Nothing hurt her more than seeing her friend still believe that she was unworthy of love. To be this surprised over a man falling in love with her proved how much she doubted herself. Perhaps it was why Olivia continuously pushed herself to serve Cordonia in any way possible. It might be why she never backed away from danger.

Compliments and recognition had been the closest she had to receiving love in her life

Amanda felt herself adoring Ethan even more for showing Olivia that she herself was loveable. She wasn't the prickly cactus that she had given Liam at his coronation. She had a tender heart, one that any person would be lucky to earn.

"I love him." Olivia broke into Amanda's musings. "It's different from what I once felt for Liam."

Amanda squeezed her in a side hug. "One sided love usually is different. Having someone give their heart to you and work in the hopes of you giving them theirs, I can't think of a greater gift than that."

Olivia nodded. "Ethan does that. I thought that maybe after we admitted our feelings that he would slack off trying to," her brow furrowed at trying to find the words.

"Sweep you off your feet?"

"Yes." Olivia's nose wrinkled out of habit over something so sappy. "He now seems to work even harder to not only keep my love but to make me love him even more."

"Good." Amanda linked her arm through hers again. "He better or he will have me to deal with."

Olivia burst into laughter. "And what will you do if he doesn't?"

Amanda's smile grew. "Don't worry. I've been trained by the best on how to torture a man." She winked at her friend. "You always did give the most interesting lessons."

*****************

Christmas was approaching and with it, Ethan invited Olivia to drive to Providence to spend Christmas with him and his father.

She was both excited and extremely nervous to meet his one family member he had a relationship with.

She was completely out of her depth in this situation. She had never had a man invite her to, "meet the parents,". She knew though how big this was for Ethan to include her in his family's Christmas tradition.

He seemed so happy, so proud, to introduce her to his father.

The drive over had been filled with his sharing some of his childhood memories. Her hand had remained in his as she watched the play of emotions on his face. He was opening up to her again, showing how much he trusted her with these bits of himself.

The modest, in need of a new coat of paint home had surprised her. She didn't know why she expected Ethan to have had a childhood a tad more luxurious than this. He seemed so cultured at times, that it impressed her even more that he had learned all of it on his own.

Ethan's father, Alan, had come outside to welcome her while helping with their luggage.

The genuine delight in the elder's face at meeting the woman his son had brought home made her feel slightly giddy. He teased Ethan with saying he had not done nearly enough in describing how pretty she was.

"I did." Ethan teased back. "You just didn't pay attention."

The three shared a meal with Olivia watching in fascination at their closeness. So many of her friends either had parents dead or were not close to them at all. This was something entirely new.

Alan had charmed her into sharing a little about herself. His understanding smile and deep laugh had made her relax. After dinner he pulled her away from the table while ordering Ethan to do the dishes.

"You're taking her to the mantle aren't you?" Ethan grumbled while fighting a smile.

"Don't worry what we're doing." Alan reciprocated. "Just make sure to soak that pan before putting it in the dishwasher."

Olivia allowed herself to be ushered into the small den. A Christmas tree stood with slightly old ornaments next to a warm crackling fire. Her gaze lifted to the different sized picture frames on the mantle.

Picking up one that seemed to be the oldest, Alan handed it to her. "This was a few weeks after Ethan was born."

Olivia's lips curved at seeing what looked like any other baby. She studied each picture he handed her, giving her glimpses into Ethan's life. Her smile grew at a photo of a ten year old Ethan smiling while puppies crawled all over him.

She then noticed the woman in the background.

"That's his mom." Alan's joy seemed to dim some. "She had been the one to decide we go to a nearby farm to let Ethan choose a puppy for his birthday."

Olivia studied the image of the woman who had so easily left her husband and son.

How could she do that to him?

The sound of Ethan returning caused Alan to quickly switch the picture for another one.

"Here he is with his first car."

"Dad." Ethan grumbled good naturedly. "I'm sure Olivia doesn't want to go down through every mundane event in my life."

"I do." Olivia blurted out. Heat flooded her cheeks. "I like seeing your childhood."

Alan beamed at her. "Here's one of my favorites. He was around five years old and had opened a clinic for stuffed animals."

"Did he?" Olivia cocked an eyebrow at Ethan.

"I'll have you know that I save many from losing their limbs." Ethan smiled at her laughter. "I had to since most of the injuries my toys suffered were from my rigorous playing."

The three sat down and began to talk about Ethan moving to Cordonia.

"You will have to visit." Olivia insisted. "You will always be welcome in Lythikos."

"I plan to." Alan stood and stretched. "I think I'll leave you two to get some sleep." He patted Ethan's shoulder then squeezed Olivia's hand. "I'm so happy you're both here."

Ethan settled his arm again around Olivia once they were left alone in companionship silence.

"Your father is very kind."

He chuckled. "Yes, I know. Nothing like me."

She smirked at him. "Don't sell yourself short. You have your moments."

"I do, huh?"

"I think so." She snuggled closer within his arms.

Smiling to himself, Ethan reached into his pocket.

"Olivia?"

"Hmm?"

He held a box out to her.

She sat up with a start when her eyes fell upon the little velvet box.

"I think you know what I'm about to ask." Ethan said softly as he opened it for her.

Carefully lifting the diamond ring that sparkled in the firelight, he paused right at the tip of her finger.

"You know how much I love you." His vulnerability was once more on display. "You make my life better than I thought possible. I need you, your passion, your heart." He glanced down at her hand trembling in his grasp. “I can’t imagine a life without you by my side.”

His bright blue eyes lifted once more to her green ones shimmering with unshed tears.

"Olivia, will you marry me?"

[otterskin]

Hi there Otterskin, sorry to barge into your inbox like this but I just read your post on the latest episode and wanted to voice my agreement! I've tried putting my feelings about this episode into words before but could never put my finger on what exactly bothered me about it until I read your post. For me, the episode felt rushed and I came away from it with a feeling that the story they're trying to tell is far too big for a 6-episode show, and now they're cramming as much as they can into each episode and instead of building up the universe and the relationships between the characters they simply info dump on the audience. It felt that way especially in the scene where Mobius confronts Loki about Sylvie. He had to explain, to the audience, what's going on with Loki and Slyvie because the show never bothered to actually build up their romance. I would've loved to see them actually explore the relationship over the course of a few more episodes and to slowly build up to this revelation and have Loki realise it himself, not have Mobius scream it at him. I was like, Mobius my man, slow down, take a deep breath and chill. I'm still enjoying the show immensely but I'm a little disappointed with the writing and the pace. Anyway, sorry for coming into your inbox and ranting like this. I just wanted to voice my agreement for your post! Have a great day!

Hi Anon!

I would say that while 6 episodes can feel short, it's about four and a half hours. That's actually quite a bit of time. The problem is that they're not always using it very well. Like I said, too many scenes go nowhere and accomplish or set-up very little, when each scene should be doing a few things - exposition, character development, plot progression, world building, etc. should all be happening at once. Instead, we often stop - or keep walking, as the case may be - and yammer on purely about exposition with just a little character development on the side. That's why when things have to go down, they don't have the time left anymore and so they just exposit character development rather than show it (sorry Mobius).

Unfortunately, the amount of logorrhea they put in everyone's mouths often inhibits the acting. My favourite moments with the acting are often when no-one is speaking at all - such as the little 'reaction video' Loki got in Episode 1, and his discovery of the Time Stones in Casey's drawer. I felt like the writing worked very well in those first two - credit to Waldron for that - because it got out of the actor's way when it needed to and gave them great lines along the way. Episodes 3 & 4 felt overstuffed with verbiage, often saying what should have been left to pure acting (with some nice exceptions here and there, like the singing scene). This also has the unintended effect of dragging stuff out, as so often we're just trying to sort through everything being said and thrown at us instead of just enjoying where we are and what's happening. On top of that, too often grand revelations are told to us rather than discovered and reacted to - seeing the Infinity Stones in the drawer is a good example of how to do that right, that was awesome and told us so much about Loki and the TVA. Sylvie just saying 'Anyway, the Time Cops are all Variants' feels a bit anticlimatic, especially as it calls for Loki to be all 'Oh dear, someone should tell them!', when I'd rather see his face go 'Oh dear, someone should tell them' as he learns that. Or at least have dialogue that implies that without being so direct. If that makes any sense.

It just feels like the scripts for 3&4 were just not polished and were written by TV writers, not so much Movie writers - the former relies on heavy exposition while the latter is trained to leave much more up to the director's and actor's interpretation. Loki might have a reputation for being talky-talky, but a surprising amount of his scenes are dialogue-free in the films, or else there's a particular acting spin on the words that makes them feel punctuated and memorable. I'm having a hard time quoting anything from this series in part because there's just not a lot of breathing room. Instead, we just get info dump after info dump, often repeating the same info, more's the pity.

So much exposition can be done visually! Use your sets, use visual storytelling techniques, use colour and lighting and acting and contrasting set pieces and let us have some goddamn 'mah'. (See Hayao Miyazaki quote about the space between claps).

I'd probably be more okay with the rapidfire dialogue if it were just punched up and more iconic and got us somewhere in a more interesting, less direct way. I love witty dialogue and talky-talky films, but there's a lot of effort that goes into making those flow well and not get bogged down.

As for the romance, I'm hopeful that it is not, in fact, a romance, even though I realize I am fighting a lot of evidence on that front. It just feels too strange, awkward and out of nowhere to me. I can't say I'm a fan that they've even implied it. But maybe - just maybe - it's supposed to strange and awkward and there's not in fact a romantic edge to it. Maybe Loki just liking and respecting another Loki is being mistaken for that and used as a weapon to torment him, much like how Mobius has twisted other things to make mockery of Loki and put him down. Loki himself hasn't said it. Although he hasn't exactly denied it either. Maybe that's because he's not sure what the feeling is and needs time to work out it's not romantic. Maybe. Please oh please let there be a way out of this.

We'll see how it goes. I'm still hopeful. There's a lot to like here, it just needed more time to be refined - which, to be fair, is a comment I have about a lot of MCU films. I'm still shocked some of them turned out as well as they did with the quick turnaround they have. Others really did deserve a few more hours in the oven, though. Considering that this is the 'Phase One' of MCU TV (apologies to AOS fans), I think we're probably in for a lot foot-finding and experimentation and messiness, like we had for Phase One of the MCU Movies. I can live with messiness - I even find it a bit exciting - as long as they stick the landing.

[jerzwriter]

Your ask about Naveen inspired another ask...

Has Naveen ever gotten angry at Ethan? Has he yelled at him or reprimand him about something? (Profesional or personal). I think we always saw him reacting calmly and/or sad to things. Did he talk about MC with Ethan? In your HC did he ever see Ethan pushing her away? I feel like something it's kind of annoying/stressful seeing our friends hurting themselves.

Hey Nonny!

Great question! You know, I think most of the time, Naveen would react canonically, trying to be level-headed and calm. First, it's just his demeanor. Second, he knows Ethan is more likely to hear him and respond if he presents in that way.

I don't think he'd ever get confrontational professionally because he's too much of a ... well.. professional. lol But privately, I can see it happening in extreme circumstances.

In my Ethan x Kaycee HC, he may not because Ethan behaves much better in that. I think Naveen would talk to him about Kaycee, and he'd encourage Ethan to follow his heart and not make the same mistakes he did. He'd be encouraging but frustrated at times.

In my Tobias x Casey HC, Casey was with Ethan, and unlike in E/K, he did leave for the Amazon without telling Casey. When Naveen saw how struck Casey was, the puzzle pieces came together. I think he'd talk to Casey, and while she wouldn't give things all away, he'd leave the conversation aware that they were more than friends. He'd see how hurt Casey is in the weeks that follow, and since he is in touch with Ethan, he'd encourage him to take her calls. When he doesn't, I think Naveen would lose his cool. His thoughts would be, even if you don't want to be with her, she deserves to be treated better than this. So I can see him getting heated.

Thank you so much for asking this! :)

[colorfultrashcrusade]

Who knew

THIS STORY WAS WRITTEN A LONG TIME AGO AND I WANTED TO POST SOMTHING FOR CALUMS BIRTHDAY. I know its not good grammar and all that but if I'm being honest I didn't want to edit it. Spacing it correctly was enough for me haha.

“Babe ready for tonight?” Cal said as I tied my shoes. I decided to go pretty casual. Black jeans, white tee, black converse. Hair tied back in a low ponytail.

'Yeah just about.' We head outside to the car over to Ashton's for the long awaited house par-tay. About 20minutes later, Cal and I reach Ash's place. And get inside quickly because it was beginning to rain.

“HEY EVERYBODY!” Michael yells with a drink in his hand. 'Well someone is already shit faced' I say  causing Calum to laugh. I look around to see Luke talking to Miranda and Casey as well as  newbies, who I haven't gotten to know yet. Ash and Sasha were fetching more drinks from the 'beer fridge' Nia and Rena giggling at something one of them said and of course, already drunk, Michael (lol).

“Here guys” Casey says while handing us a drink, 'now let's get this house party started!' He shouts and we all laugh.

(Couple hours into party)

The music was blasting; so loud I could feel every beat in it. Luke, Casey and Miranda were "dancing" I think (lol) Michael passed out a while ago. No one wanted to move him so we left him in the middle of the floor. I was sitting next to Ash who was sitting next to Sasha who passed out on the couch. Rena was across from us and passed out as well. As I turn to see what calums doing I couldn't believe my fucking eyes. With his drunken gaze and smile he stood flirting and giggling like a fucking school girl with Nia. I'll just say it. I don't like Nia, she doesn't like me either. So I normally wouldn't waste my time on her but she was too close to my boyfriend and I wasn't having it. I jumped off the couch,and I walked over to Calum and Nia.

'What the fuck are you doing?'.

'Fuck off Alyssa, can't you see he's busy with someone he actually likes?' Nia says.

'Aha Nia you're so full of shit' I fake laugh to finish off my sentence.

'The fuck is that suppose to mean?

' 'You're a fake ass bitch who no one likes, if you were actually respectful, you'd have real friends. 'Removing herself from cal she pushes me. 'Excuse me bitch,' I go to push her back but am hit in the face with a big, strong hand. Calum's hand. I turn to him, a hurt expression on my face.

'Fuck off' he simply said. I turned back to Nia who was smiling like the bitch she is. That's when I went to her. With a fist full of her hair I began bashing her head and face with my other fist again and again and again. I was so engulfed with rage and didn't care how much my hands were hurting. Her hand managed to grab hold of my hair too. She started punching me as well faster; harder. I closed my eyes as we moved around trying to throw her to the ground. But suddenly I was the one thrown down. She had kicked the side of my knee causing my knees to buckle backwards. As she sat on top of me punching and scratching. All I could do was try to cover my face and head. I don't understand why I wasn't winning this, I could easily take her. But I realized it was because of Calum. He wounded me mentally and emotionally. He's such an asshole when he drinks. I tried to look over at him to see if he was seeing this. And he was.  I feel the blood oozing from my face. I feel where the bruises will be tomorrow. I started to see little black dots. I was blacking out.

'That's right bitch, I'm gonna take your ma-.'

'NIA WHAT THE FUCK!?' Casey yelled. Ashton, being closest to us got here first.

'Nia... Get... The fuck... Off her!!!' Ash said as he literally threw Nia off, with Miranda and Casey catching and holding her back. Ash came over and I felt my body being lifted up; hearing Sasha repeating my name as well as Ashton yelling.

'What the fuck is wrong with you mate?! You're just gonna watch as your girlfriend gets beat up?! That's a dick move man. You don't even deserve Liss, I can't fucking believe you!' Then I hear a smack and something that sounds like a body hit the floor. Then it went completely black.

(Couple hours later)

As I come to, my body aches everywhere; my head is killing me; and I can barely open my eyes. I  sit up very slowly taking in my surroundings.

'Liss, honey don't sit up, you need to rest.'  Grandma's voice  boomed like thunder in the room. I grimaced. 'Sorry' she said.

'How did I get here?'

'That Ashton boy came, I nearly had a heart attack when I opened the door but he told me what happened.'

'Oh' I said simply. Over the course of the next few days I stayed with grandma till my body wasn't as achey.  I was moving around and doing minimal tasks around the house. Grandma left for the weekend with her boyfriend, so I got to play music softly in the house. Just as I was going to make myself some food, there's a knock on the door. I go over to open it and it's Ashton. I smile spread over my face, as painful as it was. 'Here come in.' He comes in and immediately gives me a hug. Not that tight though. The embrace was so warm and loving I didn't want to let go of him. When I did, he was in tears. 'Ashy? What's wrong?'

'Nothing I'm glad to see you up and moving. But I'm here to take care of you.'

'Take care of me?, Hun I'm okay.'

'Please, it will give me peace of mind?' I looked at him; his eyes so glossy, I couldn't say no.

'Okay ash.'  As the weeks pass, I've been with Ashton 24/7. Meanwhile Calum hasn't made any effort to text or talk to me. And normally I'd be depressed but for some reason, I'm not. Ashton has made me feel so good and so warm and so loved that I'm not sure about Calum.

(Couple days later)

'Yay movie time!!!' Ashton yells running down the stairs.

'Ahaha, what movie tonight ashy?'

'The best of me.'

'The best of me? Aha.'

'Yeah, I'm feeling romantic today. Aha.'

We pop in the movie with our blanket and popcorn and my dots gummies. Something about tonight felt different. I noticed Ashton was wearing cologne; he was just extra hot tonight. As the movie played on, I couldn't really focus, and neither could ash. At least in the movie.

'Liss?'

'Yeah a-' before I could finish his lips were on mine. So soft and warm and I couldn't help but kiss him back. There was a spark bigger than any I've ever felt, even with Calum. His hands felt all over my back, arms and legs. I felt so safe in his arms. Next thing I know, we are making love on his couch. Gentle and passionate love till we reached our highs and fell asleep in each other's arms.

(Couple months later)

Mikey's birthday is coming up and I wanted to get him something he'd like so I went with Sash. We went into the shop and looked around.

'Liss, are you okay? You look a little pale.' Sasha says with concern on her face.

'I'm a fine girl, it's good.' I smile. But actually I don't feel fine. I've been like this for a while. And right now I felt even worse. 'Sa.. Sash, I don't...,' the room started spinning and my legs felt weak.

'Liss? LISS!' She said it when dark.  

When I came to, I was in the hospital, and Sasha was rocking back and forth in the chair next to me holding my hand. 'Sash, what's happening?'

'You fainted Liss, I freaked and called an ambulance and they did some tests. I'm er... We're waiting for the results.' Just as she finished, the doctor came in.

'Miss Perkins, how are you feeling?'

I'm feeling better.'

'Good, we gave you some fluids to help nourish your body. We did some blood work and noticed you're not nourished enough due to your pregnancy, an-'

'WHAT!?' Sasha said.

'Wait, I'm pregnant?' The doctor nodded her head.

'Yes Miss Perkins, the tests show that the fetus was conceived about three and a half months ago.'

'THREE AND A HALF MONTHS!?' Sasha said and turned to look at me. '

I see you need a minute ladies, I'll leave you be.' She left and closed the curtain.

'Three and a half months Liss?' I stared into space thinking.

' three and a half months ago I had sex with Calum but at the end of that month, after all that, I slept with Ashton to-.' Sash sat with her jaw dropped. 'I don't know, whose it is.'

'You have to let them know Liss.'

'Can you go with me?'

'Course Liss.'

(The next day eh... Night)

I asked Ashton to come over and without hesitation he came. And with the help of Sash, Calum came to. I'm nervous, I haven't seen or talked to him in months. How would he react to this news, how would both of them react? But they're both here. And I need to get this out.  I walk to the living ash and cal are sitting on opposite sides of the room. I clear my throat as I enter.

'Hey guys.'

'Hey liss.' They say, one quieter than the other.

'I...uh.... I....uhh..' I look to Sasha for help.  And she came.

'Listen guys with everything that has happen, Liss need you to put it behind you and listen the fuck up, Liss is...

“I’m Pregnant and either one of you can be the dad. I'm not sure but I wanted you both to know.' Calum's eyes went wide. Ashton's hands went to his chin

As the months come and go. Each appointment was just a reminder that the baby was coming soon. Sasha went with me for every one. I told the doctor I didn't want to know the gender of the baby. All I care about is that it's healthy. Ashton was there helping every step of the way. Making sure I was relaxed and calm and that there was no stress around the baby. When I needed a back rub, Ashton was there to give it. If there was no ice cream in the house, he was on it. Calum on the other hand helped more in a financial way. He had stopped by two days ago, which I was shocked by, just to talk.

(Flash back)

'Uh.. Come in.'

'I'm not staying long princess.' Princess? I just looked at him more confused than ever.

'I haven't been around or contacted you because I don't know how to forgive myself from that night. I lost myself after that. I...' He started rubbing his arms.

'Cal, no. Please tell me you didn't.' As he looked at me a tear left his eye.

'I'm sorry princess, I.... I didn't know what to do. I went to rehab  and... I do-.' I wrapped my arms around him, hugging him. Stopping his words in their tracks. He squeezed me, getting as close to me as he could due to my belly.

'Liss, I love you, I've never stopped loving you. You're my one and only. I'll do whatever it is for you to forgive and take me back. Please. Baby please.'

End of flashback)

Since that talk, he's been around the house more and the tension between him and Ashton was very uncomfortable. The dirty glances they give each other. The shoving into each other. At least that's what Sash tells me. They behave themselves in front of me and the baby. I was lying in bed continuously tossing and turning. I don't know why I couldn't sleep. Then all of a fucking sudden, Sasha burst through my door. 'SASHA!?'

'Shhhhhh!!!'

'What the hell I almost peed on my-.'

'Shhh, listen.' I didn't understand what she was talking about till I heard voices.

'Cal and Ash?' I mouthed to her. And she nodded her head.

(Whisper yelling)

'Listen, I don't give a fuck that you like her Ashton, she's my girl, so you need to back up off her.'

'Me? Are you fucking kidding me! I've been here for her all this time you stupid fuck, she wants me. I don't care what you two used to be, but I know she cares for me. I'm here all day every day taking care of her and when I'm not I-.'

'When you're not blah blah blah, I'm the father of that child, Ashton. Not you. Get over it. Whatever you thought you had with her is not there anymore.' It went quiet. They must have been angrily staring at one another. Till Ash spoke.

'As much as I want that baby to be mine, as much as I want to stand here and brag about how my dick got her pregnant,  we won't know whose it is till its born, and till then let's act like men and cut the crap Calum, we've caused enough drama in this house.' Two pairs of footsteps walked in opposite directions and two doors slammed. Sasha looks at me with her mouth partly opened.

'I don't know what to say or think about that.'

'Me neither Sash, me neither.

With the baby coming in less than a three weeks, sasha is busy getting everything ready for the baby shower being that we don't know the sex yet. The color theme is light grey and soft green. Everything looks so cute. I look around the living room to see Ashton putting up streamers and Calum putting up the giant pacifier piñata. Calum and I are better and by that I mean back to being couple-like. Ashton has gotten a bit distant. After that night when Sasha and I heard them talking, they act like neither one is there. They don't talk to each other and it makes me sad. They were really good friends always joking and playing around. And now, nothing. They're just strangers who know each other really well. But they're okay for right now.

(Later that day)

It was time for the shower to start. Sasha made me a special seat covered. The guests arrived and everyone came. Everyone except Nia. Everyone got situated with food and drinks and we socialize for a while.

'Okay everyone it's time for a game!!' Sasha shouted. She was more excited than anybody. 'So in this game you will pick up a diaper. All the diapers have a number on the-.'

'Why do they have numbers?' Mike butted in.

'Michael shut up let me have my moment!' Everyone laughed. 'As I was saying, all the diapers have a number because inside all the diapers is a little mess. Don't worry it's all candy, the point of the game is to guess the candy!'

'Why does it look like shit?' Michael says as we laugh again.

'What the fuck do you think babies do in diaper's Michael.' Everyone laughs harder.

'Babe I'm just messing with you, you're doing really good at this.'

'Well thanks butthead.' We ended up not really finishing the game. We just kinda are all eating the chocolate in the diapers. Mine was a snickers, there was also the Milky Way, Twix, and... Well just a lot of chocolate. 'PRESENT TIME!!!' Sash yelled. And everyone went to grab their gifts.

'Hey Liss.' Miranda said.

 'This is from Nia. She handed me an envelope. Everyone got kinda quiet as I opened it.

'It's a card.' I said aloud.

'What does it say?' Ashton and Calum say in unison. I open the card and starts scanning with my eyes

"Congrats on the pregnancy Alyssa, hope all goes well. I'm sorry for giving you hell. I realize I can never have what you have and I'm sorry for trying to take it from you. You're his dream girl and I can't compete with that. You're more a woman than I ever will be and I hope one day we can get passed this. You deserve great things. But anyways, congrats."

'What does it say Lissachu?' Sasha says to me.

'She said congrats on the baby.' I say feeling a weight lift off of me, not knowing I even had one.  The rest of the baby shower went well. I just sat and ate everything Saha handed me (lol). These cravings were getting the best of me.

(Night time) Today was actually really good. There were a few spills at the shower, and after the shower that was mainly Michaels fault but got cleaned by 'mother Sasha'. And surprisingly Ashton and Calum, after a couple drinks, started talking again. (I know what you're thinking, alcohol at a baby shower? Blame Mike). It was as if there was no bad blood between them. It filled my heart with warmth and happiness. As I lay down and get comfy I close my eyes and give a big, calming sigh and begin to drift off the sleep. Then  I get a tickle in my nose and... 'ACHOO!' I sneeze. 'Aw shit, did I? Fuck I peed on myself.' I get up slowly and grab a change of clothes and go to the bathroom. When I finish changing. I go to change my sheets. Pulling on the corner closest to me, I start to feel pain, a really sharp pain. As I hunch over my bed, breathing heavy and choppy, my door opens and I feel arms around me.

'Princess what's wrong? Are you okay? What happened?' Calum says. His voice rang with panic.

'I..uh.... I think...my water broke.'

Calum's eyes went wide. 'Okay, come on. Let's get you in the car.' He walked with me letting me stop whenever there was a contraction.

'GUYS!?? GUYS WAKE UP, THE BABYS COMING!!' Sasha ran out of her room and straight for the bag she made me put together for this very moment. Ash moved at a slower pace but we got out of the house pretty fast. With Ashton at the wheel, driving beyond the speed limit, everything was kind of a blur. Sasha to my left; Calum to my right. Both letting me squeeze the fuck out their hands as Sasha does breathing technics with me. We finally get to the hospital and Calum picked me up bridal style and ran through the emergency room doors.

'SHE'S IN LABOUR!!!' As soon as the sentence left his mouth, nurses came around so fast. I was put in a wheelchair and rolled away; In the distance I hear Calum yelling. 'NO I HAVE TO GO WITH HER!'

'Sir please calm down you're frightening other patients.'

'NO, GET OFF ME! ALYSSA!! I LOVE YOU!' Pain. Excruciating pain. I feel as if these are the absolute worst cramps in my life. I feel like Satan is shoving a small trident dagger in my uterus and turning it around in circles

. 'It's okay ma'am, just breathe an-'

'I AM BREATHING!' After moving me from the wheelchair to the bed with wheels, I'm rolled into a room. They change me into a gown and I'm left there by doctors checking in from time to time.

'ALYSSA! Oh god princess are you okay?!'  His voice rang with worry.

'I'm okay cal, did they finally let you in here?' I joke. Then Ashton walks in with Sasha.

'How ya feeling Liss?' Ashton says.

'Like I'm gonna have a baby.' Then another contraction happens. FFFUUUCCCKKK!' I grabbed Calum's hand and squeezed till its blue and purple. He says nothing.

'Guys? The doctor is gonna ask if the "father" wants to be in the room and cut the umbilical cord.' Sasha says. 'Which of you want to do it?' Calum and Ashton look everywhere but at each other. Then to me.

'Princess it's up to you.'  Just then the doctor walks in.

'Okay Ms. Perkins, time for another look see. May I ask you three to step outside please.

'C'mon guys,' Sasha grabs both of their shirts. ' it's not like you haven't seen it before. It's the same. I giggle. The doctor chuckles to himself.

'Well Ms.Perkins, if you're ready, the bed is set up and down here, looks good. So who do you want in the room with you?'

'Doc, I don't know who the father is.'

'Doesn't  have to be the father, no aha. The young lady, is your friend right?'

'Yes.'

'If I was in your situation, I'd pick her. She was there for you. Besides, we'll find out who the father is later.'  He walks out. And Cal, Ash and Sash come back in.

'Sash I want you in the room with me.'

'Am I godmother?'

'Yes.' She claps her hands.

'Well okay, let's go deliver a baby!' I'm already in the delivery room. Sweat dripping on my face. The doctor gave me the epidural when I first got here. It hurts but no where near the contraction pain. More like I'm really constipated. The pushing is exhausting my whole body.Sasha to my right letting me squeeze her hand.

You're doing good Liss, couple more pushes then it's coming out.' I nod, my eyebrows furrowed

. 'Alright Ms.Perkins, push!'

'Aaaahhhh!' I pushed with as much force as I could. Then I hear crying.

'Okay Ms. Perkins one more push like that and it's out. Ready. Set. Go.' I take a deep breath and push letting out a massive fart (Lol jk yell).

'AAHHHHHHH!' Then the crying got louder. And louder.

'Liss! You did it! It's a, it's a...'

'Congratulations Ms.Perkins, you have a girl.' The doc smiles and wipes the baby enough for me to hold.

'She's beautiful.' I let out the tears. Streaming down my face in joy.

'She's beautiful Liss.' Sasha says. 'Hi little one, I'm sashie. Your god mom.' She was crying too

'Alright Ms.Perkins, we'll get her all cleaned up while you sign the birth papers. And then she's all yours.' The nurse took her to get cleaned and I handed her papers. '

Liss...' '

Yeah?'

Congratulations, I'm so happy and proud to be here and experience this, even though I can't feel my hand anymore. Thank you.'

'No thank you, for actually being her all the way.' We hug.

'But Liss, she looks like..... Calum.'

'I know, and I'm happy that she's his.'

'And yours Liss, don't forget that.' As I put pen to paper to full in the name part of the certificate, I pause. Then write. How the nurse comes back with her and I give her the papers.

'What's her name?' A voice says. Ashton and Calum walk in the room ( you were moved back to the other room to recover). I look at them.

‘She looks a lot like you Calum, aha. She has your nose.' Calum sits in the chair next to your bed, across Sasha; Ashton at the foot of the bed.

'Congrats, you two.' Ash says with a hint of disappointment in his voice.

'Come here.' I say as I give him a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

'Thank you for helping as much as you did.' He smiles and backs out the door

. 'I take it you guys are gonna be here a while so I'll leave and come get you later.'

'Wait!' Sasha buts in. 'Don't you wanna know her name?'

'Yeah, what's our daughters name?' I look from Ash to Sash. Sash to Cal. Then Cal to her.

'Schyler. Schyler Joy.'

[jafreitag]

Grateful Dead Monthly: Gaelic Park – New York, NY 8/26/71

Fifty years ago today, on Thursday, August 26, 1971, the Grateful Dead played a concert at Gaelic Park in New York City.

Gaelic Park is located at West 240th Street and Broadway, five miles north and east of Yankee Stadium, in the Bronx. In 1926, the Gaelic Athletic Association purchased it to host the Gaelic Games. What are Gaelic Games? I’m a sliver Irish (just learned that a few years ago from a cousin who did some DNA stuff), but I didn’t know about such games until I asked the Google machine. Here you go, from the Wiki:

“Gaelic games (Irish: Cluichí Gaelacha) are sports played in Ireland under the auspices of the Gaelic Athletic Association (GAA). They include Gaelic football, hurling, Gaelic handball and rounders. Women’s versions of hurling and football are also played: camogie, organised by the Camogie Association of Ireland, and ladies’ Gaelic football, organised by the Ladies’ Gaelic Football Association. While women’s versions are not organised by the GAA (with the exception of handball, where men’s and women’s handball competitions are both organised by the GAA Handball organisation), they are closely associated with it.”

Some to unpack there. What’s Gaelic football? It’s basically rugby. (The rules are probably way different, but this is a music blog, so don’t judge.) And hurling? Rugby with a small ball and sticks that look like sporty pizza paddles. (Again, don’t judge.) Gaelic handball? Racquetball, except you use your hands and you’re outside, not in some bougie health club from the ’80s. Finally, rounders? It’s actually alot like baseball. Pretty cool.

Why were the Dead there? A 9/2/71 piece in the Village Voice by Carman Moore, now archived on the Grateful Dead Sources blog, said that Gotham promoter Howard Stein, a Bill Graham competitor who booked the Dead to play at the Cap Theater in Port Chester, NY and the Academy of Music in NYC, had turned “the drab little Riverdale soccer field … into a summer rock mini-festival.” (Check out the poster above.) Moore’s writing has an early-70s sizzle, and he refers to his colleague, now-legendary rock scribe Robert Christgau. Here’s an excerpt:

“Last week’s Grateful Dead concert up at Gaelic Park was a usual Dead session, meaning that the band-to-fan-to-band electro-chemical process for which rock music is famed was on like high mass at Easter. Although I think I know most of the time what they are doing musically (Christgau will like this notion); I don’t quite understand them electro-chemically. Like the New York Knicks of two seasons ago, they can do excellent things together though they are not a group of deathless superstars. Garcia gets his songs across, but he can’t sing, and Bob Weir’s voice rises to about average…maybe better when he gets to screaming and the music sweeps him along. I still find it difficult to recognize the Dead songs that aren’t “Truckin'” or “St. Stephen” one from the other. I am not one of their fans, but seem to be one of their admirers. Their music speaks in a special language to their live listeners, and that language has the vocabulary of everybody else, but a convoluted syntax all its own. The note sequences are not completely dependent upon musical factors but are also dictated by how involved the band feels and also upon what kind of heat the audience is giving off. I’m trying to get to some essences of this thing.

The drama of a Dead concert revolves around the fact that wherever the band plays they know that a certain number (several tons) of their partisans will be there and that their crowd knows the Dead potential to excite them, but they also know that the Dead may not get into gear until the crowd begins to apply some heat, and so forth. Both parties also know that the concert will be long enough and informal enough for anything to happen on either side of the footlights, and so audiences improvise (smoke, go to the hot dog stand, kiss and snuggle, cheer, dance, listen like star-struck fools) just like their musician friends on stage (who play light and funny for awhile, retire backstage awhile, stand around, or get lost in a piece and turn on the heavy jets). Like good lovers, the Grateful Dead know the secrets of good foreplay, taking your time, surprising the partner for awhile, and then just reacting for a spell.”

The timing of the show seems odd. The band was on the East Coast in July, but began August back in Cali – LA, SD, Berkeley – before a three-night run at Chicago’s historic Auditorium Theater. Then they trekked back to NYC. Our resident Deaditor ECM explains that aspect: “This show was supposed to be played the day before the Yale Bowl concert on July 30, but some issues with the equipment trucks and/or weather prevented it from happening from the scheduled date. There are a few stories on the web about people who didn’t get the message (no twitter back then!) and dropped some acid only to show up to an empty stadium. Haha!”

Moore said that the show reminded him of “a high school stadium I used to know – low stands, unfulfilled infield grass, mud holes here and there, beer sold at one end in some quantity.” He continued:

“The formal shape of the concert was a general crescendo, light at the beginning and heavy-groovy at the end – not a shooting-star, call-the-law finale, just a heightened physical-emotional climate…the goods delivered as promised…sort of like good preaching in a church known to be a happy place. I did not enjoy their country-westernish opening tunes; maybe they didn’t either, because the pieces were awfully short. But by the three-quarter mark they had involved themselves, the crowd, and me too.

First they got the rhythm engaged and finally, courtesy of Jerry Garcia’s lead and interplays with Lesh and Weir, they went into the soloing and jamming which are the real magic music territory of this band. Much is made of the Dead soloists, but it became clear to me by last Thursday that bassist Phil Lesh plus those two drummers create the atmosphere that makes the Dead thing possible. The drummers were exceptionally understated, but Lesh kept bopping and thrumming away, heavily at all times, until his patterns were consistently getting the other players off. In the middle of “St. Stephen” there was a special coming together: Lesh had found a nice ambiguous but compelling set of licks; Garcia eased into a solo; Weir strummed a cross-time lick over all of it; it built; it quieted; Garcia started to play strange classical kind of lines; the drums dropped out; the audience got quiet; nothing at all could be predicted for a minute or so; then Lesh began to grope his way out with two chords and rhythms which began to regularize; audience began to jump and then to clap; guitars began to straighten out; the band came home to the cheers of the fans. Good music-making. The listener goes home without a little tune to whistle, but he hears music. As if they were finishing off some personal solos based over the last riffs heard, the fans went out of Gaelic Park without a thousand encores and without a lot of fuss on the streets outside.

It’s all very interesting, surprising, and I guess mystifying as before. All I know is that the Dead, or their fans, or the combination of both lure you into planning to return when they’re all assembled and back in town again.”

Apparently, there was some grief about bootlegs at this show. The GD Sources blog has a post that archives a 10/6/71 piece by the excellently-handled Basho Katzenjammer (Basho, the 17th Century Japanese haiku master; Katzenjammer, the German word for hangover) that gripes about an army of 200# “muscle freaks” at the direction of tour manager Sam Cutler liberating a handful of tapes from 100# weakling Johnny Lee. It’s a truly fun read. An excerpt:

“The biggest piece of shit spewing from Cutler’s mouth is about the reasons the Dead have for being so pissed off: they don’t like the quality (remember Garcia’s line in “I Got No Chance of Losin”? He says, “I’m only in it for the gold.” Yeah, music has a way of being more honest than the artist intends it to be at times…) The “quality”? Anyone who has bought a bootleg recently will know and agree that the bootleg stereo album called “Grateful Dead” is one of the best underground products yet. The tape was taken from a concert the group did at Winterland, on the coast a few months back. Yeah, Garcia fucks up a bit on “Casey Jones,” and Pigpen’s ego may have been deflated a bit by his voice coming over poorly on “Good Loving” but that was a concert. You do a concert and you stand by your performance, good or bad. That’s show business.

This effete artistic bullshit doesn’t matter anyway … When you’re out to get all the money you can out of your gigs, like the Dead seem to be (like all the groups seem to be) you might be accused of being a bit piggish; when you use strong-arm shit to insure that you get every last penny that you deserve — by making Amerikan standards — you are a Pig. Jerry Garcia, is that you?

Nobody buys that anti-bootleg shit about the artistic integrity of the artist in saying what goes out. One, you stand by your performance; two, even if you don’t want to, Jerry, somewhat, and say “all your private property is fair game for your brothers (especially when they sell records of concerts that don’t compete with coming releases) and your brother (who’s gonna continue to dig you as we live off your comets we’re gonna keep ripping you off because it is possible. As simple as that.” If you and Cutler and Stein continue your shit, though, we’ll just have to sing the song the same old way, you guys being put in the position of being the same old reactionary establishment that we’re all ripping off. It’s all around. You break your back playing gigs for ten years and suddenly success is staring you in the face. Bread: lots and lots of bread. You turn your back on your poor, ripping ’em off roots and start to tighten up. You’re in the biggest rip-off industry around, but no one cares as long as they’re having fun.

Money. That’s the whole story, isn’t it? If these were other times, in another land under a different set of rules maybe you could justifiably complain about the people who want to give your recorded performances out free because you didn’t screen them and pick out the sections you didn’t like and do them over for the cat, ’cause no one charges for their music, and because the means of production belong to the people, and they can turn out all the good sounds they can, and you have a natural right to screen all releases. But we’re here. Now. You guys are making millions — or soon will be. Money is power, especially as the concept of money is crumbling nation-wide and power freaks like Stein are cornering the market on it. The channels that the green-power the Dead bring in travel aren’t the healthiest for the generations of revolution to come. Stein is one of these hopeful images of a freak with a chance to change things positively gone sour, who uses all his power to consolidate his power; who’ll go to any extremes to insure the natural expansion of that power. Fuck him. Fuck you.”

Speak, Basho! Quaint that the beef about bootlegs back then was sound quality, rather than copyright. Stuff got figured out at some point, I think. Like when Bobby shut down the LMA, lmao.

Ed featured part of this show in the 2016 edition of his epcot 31 Days of Dead project. Here are his listening notes, which are typically spot-on (and better than than the not-quite-on-the-bus commentary from Mr. Moore): 

“Less than three weeks after Pigpen’s definitive performance of Hard To Handle at the Hollywood Palladium (8/6/71), the Grateful Dead play the final date of their summer tour in 1971 at Gaelic Park in the Bronx. It will be Pig’s last show until December and the last time the band will ever perform in their original quintet configuration of Jerry, Phil, Pig, Billy and Bobby. By September, Keith will be rehearsing with the band to assume a full-time role on the keys. Perhaps anticipating his absence, Pigpen leads the band through 6 of his songs including the rarely-played Empty Pages and the last Hard To Handle. It is also one of the last performances of Saint Stephen, until the band revived it in 1976 with a major facelift, never to be played the same way again. When you consider these historical milestones along with the departure of Mickey Hart and the closings of the legendary Fillmore East and West earlier in the year it makes you realize that this concert carried a little more weight than anyone could have ever foreseen at the time. It truly was the end of a chapter in the life of the Grateful Dead. As you listen to each song you can’t help but feel a certain degree of nostalgia.

For me, the hidden gem of the show is the outstanding version of Uncle Johns Band. Jerry’s first guitar solo is an absolute joy to hear. His notes sing with irresistible melody and happy sunshine which perfectly capture the nostalgia of those carefree early years. If you listen closely you can hear Pigpen playing the wood claves.”

Speaking of Pig, this show features the second and final performance of Empty Pages. The NYS Music blog, which has a nice write-up of this show, describes it as a McKernan original that “pairs his traditional crooning style with a slow blues jam that’s nicely peppered with fiery guitar licks from Garcia. It’s a true rarity and a shame that the band wouldn’t be able to further develop this one.”

I feel like this was a try-hard post. It might be tl;dr, idk. Here’s the true goodness…

Transport to the Charlie Miller remaster of the soundboard recording HERE.

More soon.

JF

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[nights-legacy]

Hugs to Something More-Donnie

Donnie 2003 – based on the song Something More by Aly & AJ

Requested by @nesting-dreams​

+Y/N doesn’t hug, like at all. For anyone. Except for when it comes to Donatello. Every time she sees him, she has to give him a hug. They’re not together or anything, she just enjoys his company. At least until both of them realize there might be something more there then they realize.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Y/N’s POV

I ran down the walkway toward the lair. I could hear April and Casey laughing behind me as I ran ahead. I stopped when it came to the edge of the clearing, looking around to make sure there was no one around. I ran out and to the door. I entered the code before the click sounded, unlocking the door.

“Hurry up!” I called out standing in the doorway.

“Hold your horses little miss hyper.” Casey said as they made. He grabbed the door and let us through first. “We’re here Bozos!”

“Bozos? The only bozo here is you Jones!” Raph called back. “Well you and Mikey.”

“Hey!” Mikey yelled. We walked into the main room and saw them lounging about.

“Hey guys.” Leo greeted, throwing a ball at Raph’s head. That started a whole tossing war before the commotion drew out the one missing turtle.

“What’s going on out here?” He asked as held a wrench out. He saw the two and rolled his eyes. He turned and finally saw us. “Hey.” He said waving the wrench.

“Hey Don.” April said while sitting next to Mikey.

“Donnie!” I chirped before running over and hugging him on my tiptoes. He chuckles while wrapping the wrench-less arm around my waist.

“Hey Y/N.” He greeted before letting go. I moved off my tiptoes before pulling back. I stepped back and skipped off to the kitchen. I opened the fridge and pulled out a can of pop before jumping up on the counter.

“I don’t get it! She only does it with you! It’s no fair!” I jumped when I heard Mikey loudly whine. I furrowed my eyebrows, jumping down.

“Sh! Mikey, she will hear you.” I heard Donnie whisper shout followed by the sound of a smack. I stood next to the doorway, out of sight and listening. “I don’t know why I am the only one she hugs but I’m not complaining.”

“There’s got to be a reason behind it Mikey. Don’t push it. She may just not like physical contact.” Leo pipped in. I nodded even though I knew no one could see me.

“Not complaining huh?” I heard Raph tease. “What? Do you have a crush on our little Y/N? Hey, maybe that’s why she only hugs him. Maybe she has a crush on you Donnie.” I heard laughing and other teases.  

“Wh-what? No of course n-not!” I heard Donnie stuttered. “We’re just friends. You are so immature!” I heard him yell before I heard his footsteps disappear. I waked back to the counter and leant against it.

“Crush?” I thought to myself. The word was stuck in my head. It got me thinking. “Do I have crush on Donnie?” I kept thinking and asking myself is it true.

Donnie’s POV

I stormed back to my lab still hearing their laughter. I huffed as I tossed my wrench on the work bench. Sitting down, I thought about what Raph said. A crush? It’s impossible. They were just friends right? I leant back in my chair, trying to figure out his own mind.

“Do I like her?” He asked out loud. He started to think about her personality, her looks, her loyalty…how he smiled just at the thought and sight of her. He shook his head.

“Donnie?” Y/N asked. He looked at her surprised. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m alright.” I turned back to my computer, scratching the back of my neck. I heard her walking up behind me. She sat down in the chair that was next to my desk.

“You sure? Because you stormed off pretty fast after Raph teased you.” I nearly got whiplash by how fast I looked at her. I gapped.

“You heard?” She nodded. I gulped before looking down.

“I don’t know what to say. I don’t even know how to react to it.”

“Neither do I. Even the notion it…it stirred something…” She paused.

“Dormant. Feelings you didn’t know you had.” I finished. She looked at me and nodded. “Me too.”

“Well what do we…”

“Y/N we have to go!” April called into the lab. We looked at each other before Y/N got up. She looked like she wanted to say something before deciding not to. She waved as she left. I waved back before looking down.

“We are not ending the day like this.” I muttered before bolting up and running around.

Y/N’s POV

I plopped down on the couch of my apartment. Leo had asked if we could pick up a few things for the lair. Luckily, he said we could bring it tomorrow when we came because He and Raph would be heading out not long after we left. Casey just dropped me off from our outing. Mine and Donnie’s admissions kept replaying in my head.

“What now?” I asked out loud. I sat in silence for a few minutes before a knock pulled me out of my trance. I looked over and saw Donnie outside my window. I got up and opened the window. “What are you doing here?”

“Well, I…” He took a big breath. He glanced down before looking me in the eye. “Let’s go for a ride.” I could tell there was more behind those words. I nodded and he stepped back. He helped me down to the ground.

“What are we taking?”

“I may or may not have barrowed Raph’s bike.” My eyes widen as I saw it parked a few feet away.

“He’s going to kill you.” He shrugged and walked over to the bike. He waved me over and motioned for me to get on. “You want me in front?”

“Yeah. It would be more comfortable for you. You don’t have to reach around and hold awkwardly to the shell. I can still stir even if you’re in front.” He explained. I nodded and got on the bike. I felt him sit behind me and a blush burst across my cheeks. I felt him set his hands on my hips before he slowly moved them to the handle bars.

“Let’s go.” I said. He chuckled and kicked the bike to life. I yelped as he took off fast. I held on tight to his arms, hair flying everywhere. He sped through city streets. The street lights flashed by like strobe lights. I cheered as he drifted around a corner. His turns and directions seemed calculated.

“Just a few more minutes.” He said into my ear. I nodded and waited patiently. He slowed to a stop just outside a huge, old Victorian building.

“Here?” I asked. He nodded and helped me off the bike. He led me around the back of the building. He lifted me onto his back and swiftly climbs up the building.

“Careful.” He said as he sat me down on a ledge. I looked down as he fiddled with window. He got it open and hopped inside. He helped me in and led me through the dark halls. He came to a door and gave me an excited look. He pushed the doors open and revealed a gigantic green house.

“My god, Donnie.” I ran inside and spun around. “This is amazing. How did you find this place?”

“By accident. Well, by a Mikey accident. He fell through an open panel in the roof.” He explained. He grabbed my hands and led me to an open window, overlooking the city. We sat down and he pulled out a bag that I had never seen. He pulled out some food boxes. “Here.”

“Thank you.” I opened it and saw a box of beignets. “Yes! It’s hard to find good beignets in New York. Thank you!” I grabbed one and chowed. I heard him laugh and open his box. We sat there and ate in silence.

“About earlier…I’m sorry. It was a very awkward way to find out about my feelings. Even if I didn’t even know about them myself.”

“Yeah, but it made me think about it to. Especially the only hugging you part. Leo was right when he said I don’t like physical contact. I let you hug me because ever since I met you, I’ve trusted you. I guess, from the very beginning…Little did I know before, we’ve always been something more.” I looked at him. His mouth was agape.

“You mean…” He trailed off. I smiled and scooted over. I pecked him on the cheek.

“Read the black and white screen, the lines in between.” He smiled and wrapped an around me. I set my head on his shoulder. “Remind me to give Mikey a hug next time I see him.”

“Alright. I think he deserves one after snowballing this whole thing.”

“Yes he does.” I quipped before taking another bite of a beignet. He chuckled.

“Something more. I like that.”

“Me too.” I said before turning to hug him.