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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 3 months

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Thank you all for an incredible 500 days of love and support. I offer you: answers to questions that no one has asked.

(As always, more can be found in the tags <3)

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #wei wuxian #a-qing #jin ling #wen ning #jiang cheng #“Hey wait this feels like there should have been way more content for questions” Yes. There was.#I was not strong enough to redraw *all* of what was lost. Rest in piece the original (lost to tea related accident)#But I'll tell you all the fun other things that would have been drawn out right here in the tags!#Did you know my longest posting streak was 61 days? And my longest hiatus was 6 days?#Did you know I missed posting on 92 days of those 500 days - meaning I posted 82% of the time on a daily basis?#I'm normal about collecting data. I have so much data on this blog for normal reasons. I'm also so normal about art. The normalest.#Honorable mention for the character rankings: Lan Wangji! for “Most improved in rank”.#Sorry Lan Wangji fans but until the audio drama I honestly was...pretty indifferent towards him.#I think a huge part of that was due to the fact he's constantly paired up with WWX; who has *so* much charisma and steals the scene #But I've really come to like him a lot more since starting this project. He rose from mid-tier to being in the top ten!#Dishonorable mention: Nie Huaisang. Who fell out of number 1 spot and out of the top 5.#He just hasn't shown up a lot! And my rankings are fickle! They will probably change once I finish the third season!#My favourite comics are: A lot of them! And the ones I have yet to make!#I'm very sleepy at the moment while writing this but I do want to give a huge shout out to YOU.#Yeah! you reading this! Thank you! If you've been here since the first week or just started reading: THANK YOU!#If you've only ever lurked and never even liked a single post but still read my comics: THANK YOU!!#In creating this blog - I have found 500 days of more happiness that I could have ever imagined.#Thank you for joining me on this journey. Thank you for giving me your time and your support.#It means more than any 'thank you' could say B'*)

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recurring-polynya · 5 months

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hey guess what happened last week

#ONE. MILLION. WORDS.#it took me 5 years and 3 months #which is slightly longer than i expected but also i'm kind of amazed i did it at all #this is a tiny bit of a lie b/c i do have a small amount of duplication amount in my works #which is to say the fade-to-black version of portions for foxes and the first bits of the tattoo artist au that started out as shorts #on the other hand i still have another 50k of damage history on deck so it'll be legit soon enough anyway #i just wanted to see the odometer roll over!!!!#i feel like i should do something to celebrate this but i'm kind of an idiot right now and if i open requests i'm afraid i'll just blow it #on the other hand maybe getting other people to give me ideas is what i need #i don't knooooooooooooow i am still thinking about it

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biblicalhorror · 24 days

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Thinking about one of the loser men I dated directly post-college who, after I showed them Dirty Computer [the emotion picture] by Janelle Monae, said they "prefer rap that has something to say"

#this person identified as a man but used they/them pronouns just in case that was confusing #but yeah like. what does that mean. did you watch the video #also one time said colorado edibles were 'too strong' and therefore 'dangerous'#they said that COLORADO should have more 'regulations' imposed on weed products lmfao #also when i was watching mad men and expressed that i liked it #they were like 'i dont see the appeal bc the commentary feels obvious to anyone whos lived on the east coast' skskdkdkelsdnakas #they had the WEIRDEST complex about being from the east coast. like. most tightly wound person ive ever met in my life #who was constantly insisting they were sooo type b and so chill and go-with-the-flow #and like yeah im aware im from one of the most laid back slacker states #but this person was one of the most uptight people ive ever met let alone dated #and just had like 0 self awareness about it #like they would exclusively wear button downs sweater vests and cardigans. wouldnt be caught dead in a hoodie unless it was northface #would only drink coffee if it was made from a french press #also see above story about edibles (which was the biggest 'fight' we ever got in bc i was like what the fuck r u talking about)#like. the label says clearly how much thc cbd etc is in each edible and how many doses there are per container #what else could you want #if you dont know how itll affect you just take half or even a quarter of one first???#this still gets me heated to think about #but yeah like what kind of person sees DIRTY COMPUTER and is like 'hmm not political enough' lmfao #OH ALSO guess why we broke up #the blm protests happened and they said they were just 'too affected by police violence to be dating right now'#(they were very much white. blonde white)#and then i found out 11 months after we broke up that they had started dating a poc a month before we broke up #because i saw an anniversary post they did and i was like '...wait a minute'#and a friend of mine used to work with them after we broke up and according to him this person would constantly bring up what a great 'ally'#they were for dating a poc #fucking. wild

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gobbluthbutagirl · 1 month

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crazy how if you google “how many job applications per week” (which you probably shouldn’t google anyway) you get one result saying doing 2-3 a day is good, one result saying doing 5-10 a day is good, and one result saying doing 11-20 a day is good. So basically, do whatever the hell you want forever

#my thing is. HOW many of these jobs are real. HOW many of these places are actually hiring #one of the 2 i did today made you answer like 15 different questions about whether you’ve ever been late for work. ummmm.no #my plan is to apply at least 20 jobs over the next ummm week or two or so #and keep in mind these are all like nothingburger minimum wage retail jobs designed for stupid individuals such as myself #and if NONE of these places want me then i will know that the job market right now is probably bad for realsies #and so between like september 14-21 i will know if i should be looking for a place to stay for october #or looking for a plane ticket back so i don’t waste money chasing something that won’t happen #and IF it’s option B then i will make my brother hire me at dunkin for a few months until a) the job market improves #or b) i have enough money saved up that i could convince some landlord to rent to me while unemployed #because my thing about the money is like. i still have everything i saved when i worked at target #and i still remember what i endured in order to save all that money. so i absolutely am not dipping into that money #until i KNOW my life is headed in the right direction #and also when i got the job at target that was literally the 4th job i applied to in like 3 months #so if i apply to like 2 dozen jobs and none of them pan out then i’ll Know the timing is wrong. the market is bad #anyway pay me no mind i’ve only been back on the west coast 24 hours #i just had to go ahead and think through every possibility before my head asploded. Her ass did not fucking sleep last night your honor

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opens-up-4-nobody · 10 months

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...

#ok. this is the fucking bullshit thing abt grad school. u go to fucking grad school bc u r a fucking tryhard nerd freak #who is either naturally very smart or ur so fucking anxious u r incapable of allowing urself to get a bad grad #and then u go to fucking grad school and everyone's like: man fuck ur classes. if youre getting streight As then u aren't focusing on ur #research. and theyre right. but u still cant fucking let go of the idea that if u get a bad grad the world is gonna fucking end and u r a #bad person. u didnt try hard enough. all this to say i have a final project that i put way too much energy into and not even in a good way #i would just open the document. start sobbing. and then close it and spiral abt how i didn't want to work on it. so its bullshit #i mean. its a good project idea ans i probably sound like i kno wtf im talking abt bc i do. i worked on that topic for 4 years but like #i could make it wayyyyy better. its bullshit. i didnt even number the citations to give more page space. i made section headers. i didnt #wrap text. i could add like 4 more lines of text if i wanted but i think im not gotta bc fuck it. ugh. i dont even. i fucking avoide #stochastic stuff altogether which i kno im gonna have to fight abt but like fuck it who cares abt randomness. i just wanna focus on the #predictably aspect of community composition. fuck u. i shouldnt have picked this topic. i mean. i had to bc its like the one microbe thing #i could do but its also like the exact topic that makes me wanna rip my hair out and start screaming. like jesus christ who tf cares? ugh.#i think id give myself a B if it was an undergrad class. but the standard is higher in an all grad class. ugh. i hate this. i should just #send it abd be done. i dont even kno when its due tomorrow. before class i guess. idk i felt like garbage today. fucking vertigo bby. i feel #ok now tho. so maybe the allergic reacting is over???? fingers r still arthritisy tho. jesus. im falling apart #ive got a pretty good sounding excuse for being lazy tho: owo i had an allergic reaction to my antidepressants 🥳 but nah no excuses we run #this body into the ground. like the good old days.#unrelated

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mutalune · 3 months

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hey siri how do I stop feeling gutwrenchingly anxious in the guilt way for using the treatment methods available to me to not be in constant misery

#starlight personal #it’s very bizarre to have my life going objectively well - work is good! personal life is good! family is good!#and still be very mentally ill and feel like I’m faking it even though I know damn well I ain’t scream-sobbing every couple of days alone in #my apartment for attention because What Attention??? my cat????? Bug is never moved by my tears she cares only for string and wires #like I know that cannabis has been immensely helpful to getting me to fucking sleep on a regular schedule and that’s integral to -#my functioning and I know that having emergency klonopin in the event of a total breakout is helpful #and I KNOW that my PMDD and depression and anxiety are very treatment resistant and ketamine is the only thing that’s provided any -#meaningful relief and logically I know I’m not abusing any of these #I’m getting a promotion at work I still go out to see friends regularly I have hobbies I have a girlfriend (??? Wild right)#like clearly these things are working because i’m better now than i was for years leading up to now #SO LIKE. DON’T STOP USING THE THINGS THAT HELP. LOGICALLY THIS MEANS THESE ARE GOOD FOR ME #I always roll my eyes when ppl go off their meds b/c they’re feeling better like babes that’s what the meds are meant to do #if you stop taking them you stop feeling better - but it’s REALLY HARD to get past the cultural conditioning #the feeling that ‘but I can white knuckle my way through this I can force myself to live without’ like WHY BITCH #WE DON’T HAVE TO LIVE WITHOUT #AND ALSO. WE’RE STILL GENERALLY MISERABLE BRO. EVEN WITH OUR LIFE IN A BETTER PLACE!!!#DO YOU NOT THINK THIS MEANS THAT WE SHOULD USE WHAT WE KNOW WORKS TO BE LESS MISERABLE #basically it’s really hard to not feel like a loser when the only things that help are ‘fun’ drugs like weed and psychedelics #I feel like I’m being a hedonistic reprobate which 1) is actually kinda cool now that I wrote it out #2) @ myself were not a good enough liar-faker that every medical professional we see wouldn’t pick up on that if that was our motivation #time to remind myself that it’s arrogant to think I could trick many trained professionals without actively trying tbh #that generally helps me get out of my self-pitying ‘ohhhhh I’m awful and lazy and bad and abusing substances’ spiral #to be very mentally ill on main it is weirdly reassuring to be like ‘just as my fanon interpretation of obi wan kinda hates himself but is -#practical enough to take care of himself even when it makes him cringe and want to scratch his face off; I too am aware that self-care is -#radical and punk and In Fact Necessary to beat back the dark and live in the light with hope so yes even though I doubt and -#feel squiggly and guilty about it I’m not going to NOT prioritize my health and well-being b/c self-hatred and self-denial benefits no one’#thank you inner obi wan i love projecting my issues onto you mwah mwah mwah smooches for my favorite boy!!!!!#and smooches for me I’m going to be proud of myself gosh darn it even if I have to fake it at first #see I wouldn’t be able to be nice to myself like this if I hadn’t been doing ketamine treatment for a year IT WORKS BRO KEEP IT UP #SCHEDULE THE DAMN APPOINTMENT AND CLEAN YOUR BONG

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andthebubbles · 4 months

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reading earlier chapters of my own fic like it's sustenance

#p sure no one's gonna read this fic once i post it #and/or i'll get hate for it #so i'm writing it all first #we're ... distantly nearing the end of arc 2 #and we're at about 77k words atm #and there are four arcs #a/b fic #fic talk #i can't wait to write from anthony's pov in arc 4...#and once this fic is done i'm gonna write that simon/anthony fic #i miss writing anthony in this fic! he's only not been there for like 4k words or something and i already miss him lol #and i have to work out how angry i should make frederick. and... i distantly know how this section will end but as i'm tired i can't hold #onto it #which is very annoying #anyway. lemme go gif some s1 anthony because ilh #i actually can't believe how much i do lol #he really grew on me. but it's more the hair and the sheer angst that's oozing from him #oozing lol #anyway. was rereading ch2 of a/b fic and it's just. aaah. cute. the way anthony self-consciously tells benedict that he grew up on a ship #that he's more working class than merchant. and he's just waiting for benedict to like. not want to be with him anymore #but then benedict says he doesn't care about that. and anthony is floored by it #but as you already learn in the next chapter- benedict already thinks that anthony isn't good enough #that he's someone special but it can't ever be something more #like. i think that's right. no he doesn't care that he's of a lower social class. but does he want to court him? absolutely not

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backseatloversz · 5 months

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got told by a whole doctor the health issue i likely have thats causing my constant abnormal levels of fatigue and i still catch myself going "im probably just being dramatic"

#MF!!!! YOU DONT HAVE ENOUGH B L O O D !!!!!!!#caved and dropped a class because 1. i am not interested in the material at all 2. i would much rather focus on finding a primary healthcar #provider & finally addressing the health issues ive just been muscling through for aaages while im still young instead of forcing myself to #idk struggle to focus on classwork due to said unaddressed health issues to work towards a degree idfk what im gonna do with #im not gonna drop out of college ENTIRELY but i am. going to focus.....right now.....I think. on 1. getting my physical + mental health to #better place and also 2. finding a full/part time job w way more hours than my current job. so i can make some MONEY while i figure out wtf #i wanna do with the rest of my life #this is reasonable THIS IS REASONABLE!!!! this is reasonable................i will not let capitalism & the expectation of what young #adulthood SHOULD look like consume me #addressing health issues & getting a job feel very. very reasonable I'll worry about the whole career thing when i am not so. fucking.#spaced all the time!!!!!!!#cowboy posts

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h-awke-a · 6 months

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varric's 'you people have done enough to him' is sooo..

#so a) correct and b) heartwrenching and?? if you don't #stop hawke from staying back in the fade i really think #varric should hate you for it because.. theo (probably)#didn't do that for you he did it for varric and bethany and #merrill and isabela and fenris and even stupid anders—#not for aveline she can take care of herself but.. he did it #so that you will be alive to give the people he loves a chance #not out of penance or guilt or anything else it's purely for #them that he can end up trapped in the fade or dead #and if he likes the inquisitor enough to have their back too #but varric /knows/ that and he thinks you should have #stopped theo so that theo can have a chance for a change #it's not some grand sacrifice it's just.. that's what family is #for both varric and theo that's what family is and varric..#is so right and he loves theo so much like it's bethany #and varric that are in theo's corner with that feral sibliing #protectiveness and he NEEDS that so badly because he's #so fucking stupid about his friends/family #ABOUT.

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hirokiyuu · 6 months

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ace/riddle/floyd - nonary game

"We shouldn't trust him," says Ace, whose voice is a little rueful and whose watch reads 6; "Like, c'mon, when did he do a single thing that made any sense while we were in that room with him?"

Never, if Riddle's being honest--which is exactly why he can't shake the trepidation lingering in the hollows of his chest. Floyd is erratic, the type to get bored and wander off in the middle of a death game, and that means at this very moment on a whim he might be pressing Ally with just a single point left on his bracelet--or he might very well be pressing Betray.

#HAHAHAHA I LOVE NONARY GAMES I LOVE THE AMBIDEX GAME GODDDDDDDD #thanks almond. obliterated from existence. this isnt a love triangle as much as it is like #a blatant manipulation triangle. LKAHLSKDHGS #ace on the verge of getting out versus floyd on the verge of death nad riddle right there btwn them. lol #i think twst in general would be fun for a nonary game au bc i dont think theres any way its ending well. u kno #theyre all assholes enough to screw each other over but also the way the rship dynamics would play into it. would be fn #(thinks abt jamil in a nonary game for even two seconds and starts to scrEA #i do think the base nonary game would be fun for them bc thats more ostensibly teamwork oriented #but. lmao. this prompt screamed ab game. so #idk if i should ship tag this on the one hand the acerid tag is a barren wasteland #on the other hand theres not actual romance GLKHALKSHDG #i do think them escaping together here would b fun. in a terrible way #tho i think rid would be only like......... 5 points or maybe just the one lmao #asks #anon #how do you writing #twisted wonderland #sorry this will be fully incomprehensible to anyone whose never played vlr

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isfjmel-phleg · 2 years

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I'm going to let people down. I'm quite possibly going to destroy this roundtable. I hate to do it. But I think I'm going to say no.

#random personal stuff #I am not the right person for this and should never have agreed to it #it's turned into a bigger and more stressful commitment than I expected #I can barely get my own projects done #let alone something that I have no background or investment in #Dr. B. keeps telling me things like #roundtables are relaxing! it will be fun! :) :) :)#and perhaps it is when it's something you know enough about to discuss with people #but I don't and I don't think I can become enough of an expert in a few months to pull it off #trying to read grammar pedagogy scholarship is proving more difficult than I thought #hard to concentrate impossible to understand #so I've made my mind up #let's see if I can stick to it and not cave #I appreciate the confidence in me #but my having presented a couple of literature papers in the past is not qualification to intelligently research and discuss this topic

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idiosyncraticrednebula · 11 months

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I was following these two masculinity accs that I thought were different from others I had come across, but then they spouted a lot of the same nonsense that others have already said.

#txt #they were self-described “trad” men and yes i do take responsibility for knowingly following accs that already identify themselves with a #movement whose many values i don't identify with #like one was like “men don't cry on wedding because that's means they are a b*tch”#he didn't exactly say it like that but he did say that he thought men who cry are pathetic #he thinks wives should not work outside of the home because she will start emasculating her husband and all that nonsense #because she will allegedly cheat on him with another man because he isn't man enough or sumn'#i mean this idea is more correlated to legalism and wordly ideas than biblical ones #that is something that was done back then because the situation pretty much didn't allow it because of how hard it was #and the other one said that women shouldn't carry guns because it will make them more masculine #going by that men shouldn't cook or clean because they will become more feminine #just because you are doing something stereotypically “masculine” or “feminine” it doesn't mean you will eventually turn into the other sex #that post actually pissed me off and unfollowed him from then #he posted vids of men that were already exposed of being crappy towards women telling other men how they needed to do things #i'm starting to see through his bullcrap. he also got this air about him that he's always right and justifies himself by using the bible #and church #another one #it's a fact that the way we raise boys is inherently traumatizing and these mofos are still spreading that nonsense #idk. i might be the wrong one here

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zemnarihah · 1 year

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ive obtained a guitar

#my mom had one that she said i could take. and for the longest time i was like no i should wait until ive been doing bass longer before #adding smth else. but then i was like. right now im rlly enjoying doing music and i have the time and the desire to do it. so like.#it seems silly to not. so i have it im gonna try and learn over the summer and see if i can keep up with both. and then when school starts #again if it comes down to splitting time between them ill have a few months in each of them almost like 7 on bass. and they're similar #enough to eachother that i think a lot of stuff will probably cross over right? idk i was looking into it and it seems like a lot of more #experienced players will play at least a little bit on the other as well. and i also saw an article that said learning the other will help #improve more on the first one as well #i mean the thing is. it is just for fun. but also i think it would be so cool if i could get to the point where i can make my own songs jus #to post on here or smth. i think that would be rlly fun but like if i never do. i still just like it and its fun so its fine if i suck #but ya im gonna do it if it ends up ruining everything i can just quit like whatever #the sad thing though is. its an acoustic waahhhh #if i keep going obviously i eventually am gonna get an electric bc i was trying to think of songs i could learn on acoustic and i literally #could not think of a single one i like. LMAO my parents had a copy of sheet music for stairway to heaven (i think my sister must've tried t #learn it at some point?) so i took that too. bc it was literally the only one they had besides a big book of mormon ones lol. so im gonna b #that guy that only plays stairway to heaven lolllllll

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genderfluid-druid · 1 year

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dropping thoughts like laundry into the aromanticism washing machine and watching them spin. taking little notes in a fancy journal titled "greyro??" and crossing them out, but then going back and scribbling an addendum. holding up an extravagant glass beaker full of a cool bubbling potion and peering at it through safety glasses that say "mind the amatonormativity!"

#i think there are two layers of questioning to deal with #the first layer is easier to see and that's the trauma-related layer #the second layer has been going stealth for years and is more intrinsic #the second layer *could* have been a contributing factor toward the first #so anyway the question is. as i work through the trauma and have the support of a therapist to deal with the first layer #does the second layer become an issue. or is there only the first and it's just worked itself deep enough that it now feels intrinsic #the thing is i do get crushes and i do yearn and i can't remember a time when i didn't crave the idea of a relationship #so that should be that right? not aro. at least not intrinsically.#but why did i always end up losing interest in the relationship once i had it #was it really just because i wasn't dating people i actively chose #honestly maybe. there *was* B. i don't know how much longer that might've continued if logistics hadn't put an end to it #and M....... M is a tricky one. because even though i left that relationship by my own choice. i kind of had to in order to not want to die #the thruple vibes with K were just so utterly rancid and M was just so incapable of doing anything to make it better #so yeah. maybe that one could've continued indefinitely IF two to three of the people involved had been #a leeeeetle more mature and well adjusted. maybe. but desire for a relationship was not the issue.#so okay. maybe im NOT aro. maybe i just have shitty taste in men. you know? that's a distinct possibility.#okay. so now on the other hand. let's look at how happy and enlightened I've felt since starting to *use* the aro label #cuz it actually is fantastic. the freedom to just feel love and affection for anyone I'm close to and not have to worry about #it being taken in a way i don't intend. that's great i love that #and not feeling any pressure to find The One? rocks. good shit. i can just let whatever relationships be what they're gonna be #and not have to fret over assigning a label and structures and expectations. hot shit.#(honestly it's helping me understand where M was coming from in a way that would've been. you know. pretty useful six years ago.)#i don't wanna lock myself in a relationship with friend E but it's great hanging out with her on a regular basis #cuz that's the amount of affection i feel for her. enough to chill and watch Owl House. not enough to be in each others' space all the time #(god idk if I'll ever want to be around anyone all the time ever again. that is a LOT for my limited batteries)#idk how physical affection fits into this yet. that area is still under development #but like. if my friends were cool with it and i knew they wouldn't take it too seriously then YES i would probably kiss almost any of them #and i THINK that's true and not me telling myself something i think I'm supposed to believe? i THINK.#'s always the possibility that i just very badly want to be kissed and my brain is looking to make that happen in a way that isn't scary #ah shit that’s 30 tags. i’ve done it again.

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opens-up-4-nobody · 2 years

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...

#ya kno those days where its like. nothings wrong but if anything changes unexpectedly i will lose #my fucking mind. the threads holding me back from having a total freakout meltdown are old and frayed #my brain needs to shut thr fuck up is what im saying #ive got thr hysteria wah >:-[#i swear to christ. if i have to fucking drive to the other uni tomorrow #me via emails should i pick things up tomorrow? should i dedicate my fucking weekend to making sure things work right and then roll that #straight into 2weeks of watering schedule hell? is that i thing i should do?#i mean at least there wouldnt b ppl there bc spring break but ay the bitterness. im full of black bile #i hate it here. and i cant stop #im being so dramatic. jesus christ. i fucked up my timesheet from like a month ago and have to fill out a sheet to fix it. it just makes #me want to lay on the floor and wail like a toddler. its fucking hard enough to get my brain to fill out my timesheets. and i just streight #up dont fill out reimbursement sheets bc idk money stuff is so upsetting for me to think abt i would rather just take the loss #just so i dont have to think abt it. how much money have i lost in that way? best not to think abt it #my fucking time sheets r a lie anyway. i used to do like 10hr days 6days a week while a part time employee after i got my masters #bc it took them like 6months to hire me and itd like wtf else am i gonna do with my time #and that is how u build resentment. no one makes me do these things. its just how it has to be according to the fucking annoying rules in #my brain. terrible and irrational and annoying. i just wanna leave #and i do have to fucking drive tomorrow. cool cool cool #and i have to wait for my boss to approve comments so i can submit this paper and idk how long yhstll take or when itll happen #bc she was doing field work until apparently 9pm yesterday idk whats happening but im supposed to meet with her tomorrow #but i dont wanna. like whats the point. i can find things to do and meeting just makes me feel bad bc im just tired and sick of this #and shes so nice and enthusiastic and i just cant match thst energy anymore. she texted me last week at like 8pm to ask how i was #and i was like ??? what do u want from me? what did i fuck up that made it obvious im not ok?#and she said she was just interested in how i was so i was like ok im fine. no elaborate bc like what do u want from me? i dont understand #but idk shes got a lot to deal with bc she moved schools this semester so her life is probably infinitly more stressful than mine rn #im just laying in a field of burnout and i wanna leave but i have to wait at least 4-5 months #whatever i need to get a bunch of materials together for an undergrad bc i said id give her advice abt reaching out for a masters #bleh im tired and sad. its probably in part hormones bc my body hates me rip #whatever. itll b fine. one more project to check off the list #unrelated

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freebooter4ever · 2 years

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This is 1000% random but came to mind regarding the duck movie. I sometimies watch movies without sound if I think they might ~suck~ like that... so just a tip if you want to see it but not sort of experience it :D hahahha

heh, well. ive already seen it fully so the damage has been done. i bought it even, thinking i would want to rewatch it, but i really REALLY dont think i will. ever. i have watched a LOT of bad movies for my stupid infatuations over the years so honestly im used to it.

#Im not gonna pretend like it doesnt hurt a little seeing the kind of movie joe is ok with attaching his name to #I was vaguely aware he was conservative but i will admit i didnt really have it shoved in my face until this #It reminds me of one of my closest friends here who just...we meshed in a that natural immediate connection way #And one day we were sitting in the getty villa just chatting and i was talking about the amazing documentary the Janes on h * b *o #And he just casually threw out there that he was pro life and anti abortion and he kind of wished he could force a woman #To carry his child against her wishes #He insinuated that when he was younger he got someone pregnant on accident and she refused to have the baby and got an abortion #And he felt it was a violation of his rights not to be able to force her to have a baby #And let me tell you i was like a slap in the face #Like that is...it is so discounting a womans right to her own body #It was chilling to hear a guy who i vibed with so well talk about a woman as if she's just a body and nothing else #I personally have been lucky or ugly enough that its never been an issue i have no idea how i feel about it #I mean my grandma WAS catholic and that seeps down no matter how lapsed i am #So i dont think i would have an abortion? But like i said i really genuinely like kids and in an ideal world would want that #But god im in my thirties now and still not financially stable enough to support a child i have no idea what i would have done #Had i gotten pregnant on accident #I spent most of my twenties recovering from an abusive relationship and not letting men touch me so it was never a question #Im just saying its a womans body its her life pregnancy is simple for some but for others its a life altering experience #It should be her right to choose :( and i wish men respected women enough considered them human enough to recognize that #If the shoe were on the other foot what man would let a woman decide that he must be pregant for 9 months #ALSO for fucks sake women shouldnt have to be practically celibate like i was just to prevent any accident from happening #Also also it is so fucked up that the same people who are pro life are also the bob types - skeptical of adoption #Like this is how you get unwanted kids in the world and take it from me that kids childhood is really really weird #Like knowing from a young age that you are what ruined your mothers life????? Fucking weird man i dont think i will ever process it #Especially being a woman now and recognizing that yeah i kinda did ruin my mothers life but it was neither of our fault #It was the pressure of society and people Trying To Do What They Are Supposed To #Meanwhile my dad was the I Could Never Love Other Peoples Kids and I Hate All Children That Arent My Own type #So yeah i guess i have a lot of negative feelings about this movie after all #Anyway it might have completely killed the joe infatuation LOL probably for the best #Dont even get me started on the blink or you miss it homophobia with bonus weird almost racism in the therapy scenes

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