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thekiltongrammarwriter · 6 months ago

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What was I made for? (Maybe you?) Kindred Spirits Pt 1

Pairing: Bel price x fem reader

summary: “I find that hard to believe. Believe me y/n I’ve seen people…I know people…you are a rare breed. Your mom might not appreciate you or make you feel as loved…but I do. I see you.” Bel wanted to stop her words, to make them halt on her tongue, the screaming instinct in her gut told her to run, to flee. But the way your eyes were looking at her like you saw straight through her made Bel’s cheeks hot even though the temperature was beyond cold. Or Bel Price's introduction to love and her inner struggle to accept it.

Authors note: Started this a few weeks ago and am mildly proud of it. Bel Price is such a lovable complex character and it's been so fun to write her as I went. Of course, I am still getting the hang of it so it might not be perfect. This is especially dedicated to one of my favorite anons, 💌 I hope you enjoy this series as much as I have loved writing it.

Words: 10k+

warnings: Bel Price being revolted because of her love-sick attitude, Carter Price being the comedic relief, parent struggles, pre rachel's reappearance, angsty Bel thoughts, bonding through trauma, Bel Price owning my heart and the Price girls swearing like sailors

“Is Uncle Charlie going to go through with it? Did he even ask you if you wanted to do it? I swear if he didn’t-“ Carter spoke, her blue dimmed eyes taking in the sight of her cousin beside her. Bel walked lazily along the school’s sidewalk, her eyes tired and red-rimmed, shoulders sagging, and looking as defeated as she felt. She sighed, moving to rub her tired eyes but her eyes snapped to attention at Carter’s words. Darkening just enough at the hint of venom laced in Carter’s words.

“Of course, he asked me, Carter!! He’s my father isn’t he?” Bel hissed back, sighing when Carter eyed her with a hurt glance. Bel inwardly cursed herself. She was always doing this. Letting her anger get the best of her till it was all she had left. It was something she was working on. Something if she was being honest she didn’t want to work on. Slowly she slipped her hand into her cousin's, voice as soft as she could make it, “Listen that was stupid of me I’m sorry Carter. I didn’t mean to snap at you. I’m just…I’m just so tired. I didn’t get any sleep last night. Kept thinking about how this documentary is going to change my life. What do they hope to achieve anyway? Rachel’s long gone.”.

Carter sighed the air out through her nostrils. The hurt in her eyes was replaced by soft eyes. Understanding. “What did you and Uncle Charlie agree on?”.

Bel sighed, kicking the rocks with the tip of her Converse and enjoying watching it dip off the sidewalk into the street. “we need the money. Well, Dad needs the money for paw paw. It’s not cheap having Yordan look after him. And honestly Carter…I wish this would all go away. Being Rachel Price’s daughter. It’s wishful thinking, I know. but it’s for Dad. So I’ll just have to suck it up for the time being. I’m-I’m not looking forward to the questions. The leering. When will everybody understand that Rachel didn’t care about me? She left me there. In that damn backseat.” Bel’s chest was heaving slowly. The telling sign of yet another panic attack coming. Her grey eyes were hard and gleaming. Tears threatened to spill from her grey-hued eyes. She hated feeling this way, the way her chest ached and her heart roared in her chest at just the thought of Rachel.

“You don’t know that bel. You don’t mean that” Carter spoke. Her voice tentative yet firm. Her hand slowly moving to wrap around her cousin’s shoulders.

“It’s easier if I tell myself that I don’t care. Because I don’t. I didn’t know Rachel. I didn’t grow up with a mother…I don’t care about Rachel”. It was said like a mantra almost, bel letting the words sink in. But the emotions seemed to fade as Bel sniffed, a tactic of taking her feelings and shutting them in a metaphorical box. Bel was good at that. Turning off her emotions. Carter wondered how she did it, it must have hurt to not feel. Her eyes were vacant and cold as she eyed Carter “It doesn’t matter. I’ll just have to power through. Keep my head down. It will end eventually and everything will go back to normal for Dad and I. Like it’s supposed to be. Just dad and I”

Carter nodded, a small smile on her features although her heart was broken for her cousin. Grief evident in her voice. All her life Carter had learned to steer it because she knew bel well enough and she would catch it. The sympathy laced in her vocal cords. Changing her voice to a bright subtle vibrato “Course it will. Everything will be fine just as it always is” Carter reaffirmed.

“Enough with my shitty hormones tell me about this fundraiser thing you’ve got going on” Bel spoke, nudging her cousin's hip as they walked.

Carter sighed, nervous in the way she spoke. “Well it’s run by the new future student body president and honest to god she has got to be the cutest girl I’ve ever seen” Carter whispered. Bel laughed, her nose scrunched. “Why Carter Price I thought you were as straight as a ruler?”

Carter held her hands up, “I am!! I am! It just got me thinking now don’t take this the wrong way…and know that I love you…but I think she’d be perfect for you please don’t hit me”.

Bel halted. Shoes making indents on the sidewalk.

She eyed her cousin with wild eyes, sputtering out of nervousness. “What????! I don’t- I’ve never-“Her useless rambling was proved null and void when Carter eyed her with a serious gaze. Bell sighed, shoulders sagging. “Look I don’t date anymore. Not after Sam Blake. I hate her even more now than I did then. How could she say that about Dad? Even if you think it you don’t say it. What happened to common decency. It all goes to shit. So thank you Carter for the wonderful opportunity but I definitely don’t need you to match me. I’m not even dating material. I’m a mess. I’m mean and unruly. Not to mention I have a shit load of mommy issues. Just leave it be Carter”.

So Carter relented, changing the subject to something light and easy. She knew if she poked the bear too much it would manifest itself in a nice smack of the head and Carter wasn’t ready for one. Not this early in the morning at least. Carter knew it wasn’t as easy as that. She knew bel. Knew her tells. Could read her like an open book. She knew Bel was afraid. Afraid of emotions. Afraid to love. To be loved. ‘Because everyone leaves eventually’. Carter knew this wasn’t something she could magically fix. Even if she wanted to, more than anything. This wasn’t her battle.

As soon as the girls turned into the school’s property line they were met with hoards and hoards of teenage students, all in line and chatting away. Paper posters consisting of student body president candidates were plastered all over the school wall looking as horrible as the school’s paint job. Hoards of goodies and box stands lined about the schoolyard. Bel inwardly blanched. She despised days like these. Having to walk around the school having her fellow peers gawk at her like she was some strange hybrid animal with wings for arms and a tail for legs. So she was Rachel Price’s daughter and it was times like these that reminded her. It was all too much. The candidates never got her vote anyway. Some tried too hard, complimenting and making Bel laugh at the way they thought a simple compliment could buy her vote. It would take a lot more than a batch of cookies and a forced friendly smile to earn Bel Price’s vote.

Bel grumbled sinking closer into Carter, “oh great happy people” she muttered. Carter chuckled, bringing her cousin close, holding her hand as they weaved through the crowd trying desperately to get into class and past the voter's parade. “You’ll live. You know you could crack a smile every once and a while. It’s not like it’s going to kill you” Carter spoke back stopping at the threshold and turning to eye the crowd, eyes searching for something. Someone.

Bel rolled her eyes, “For one to smile Carter one has to feel at peace with the world and I unlike you with your meditation, and yippee do da I am not one with the world. In fact, I’d like to ram a mallet through it and then set it on fire for good measure”.

“Okay one it’s called ballet and it’s good for you and second ramming a mallet would not fix your problems”

“Nope but I bet it would make my day” bel grumbled out.

Carter was quick to dodge a few candidates, telling them very politely that they had a class to attend, leaving them to try to steal a few moments of the limelight and pass them both some pamphlets. “We’re not interested but thank you” bel managed to grumble out after the sixth candidate, a boy named Jimmy Henderson who was as tall as a light fixture and seemed to think he was god’s best creation. smiling smugly at Carter. Eyebrows raised and lips set in what was supposed to be an alluring smile but it twisted bel’s gut. The knot tight and firm. His eyes were aimed at Carter, puppy dog eyes. Bel had no problem telling boys off. She had done so many many times in her youth. But did she really need to bring Jimmy down a peg or two? Just to dowse him back into reality.

She was about to make a remark on the fact that he had used improper grammar on his pamphlet while also bribing them by promising ten bucks per vote (which Bel was sure was illegal and not in the school by-laws) when she startled by a pair of arms wrapping themselves around Carter. Bel confused watched as a new figure swung into the conversation.

Carter seemed relieved as Bel watched her cousin's shoulders fall back into place, her nervous fingers halting as a calm smooth voice spoke. It was a soft voice, the cadence calm and soothing like a melody of chords meant to lull you into submission. A voice that twisted the blonde’s insides.

“Jimmy you aren’t trying to buy the Price girl’s votes, are you?? I can’t imagine a smart clever young man such as you would ever entertain the idea. Especially since it is in the student handbook under section ten paragraph three that states this is unethical and a violation to the pupil's right to govern themselves and their choices. You wouldn’t happen to know anybody around here who done that would you Jimmy?”.

The way your voice was bright and cheery, carried you around with such grace that Bel wondered who the voice belonged to. She couldn’t see you properly because Carter was wedged in between you and she didn’t want to catch Jimmy’s attention any more than she needed to. And perhaps Bel wanted to see the utter look of terror grip Jimmy’s face at being caught in the act.

Jimmy gulped, his eyes wide as he eyed you. It took him a moment to get his bearings, to come up with his somewhat lame yet excusable excuse as to what he had been doing.

“No…” he began, shaking his head vigorously, “No y/n I would never! You know how I feel about our friendship! I would never break your trust! I was just…asking Carter if she had change for a dollar for the vending machine in the canteen it’s broken and only taking tens”. Bel could tell from his body language how far of the stretch that had been. After all, Bel had seen many people lie in her lifetime, everyone had a tell and Jimmy Henderson had about a dozen.

“Oh, what a shame. I’ll be sure to bring that topic up during the next meeting. Keep up the good work Jimmy you’ve really improved since last year”. Bel couldn’t help but notice how the last sentiment had left your lips. Analyzing how your voice had dropped from the soft chastising voice to genuine emotion when praising the young man. As if you had meant it.

Jimmy smiled, a bashful look on his face as he thanked you and waltzed off.

Carter was the first to sigh, “Did you see his pamphlets? Does he know he spelled ‘president’ wrong?”.

A laugh accompanied her statement, the cadence light and airy made Bel’s stomach twist yet again. From the way, it was the most beautiful laugh Bel had heard in a while.

“Oh be nice Price!” You spoke, your voice containing humor, yet a sense of urgency. “Jimmy might not be the brightest bulb in the shed but he is a hard worker. I just wish he’d rely more on his strength than he does on cheating.”

Carter only rolled her eyes, moving to push you. “Oh please! You with your glass half full take on life! You’ll cherish anyone that makes even an ounce of effort.”

“Well, I can’t help it. I like to see the beauty in people” was your answer.

Bel couldn’t help but feel like she needed to understand that statement as whole. Beauty in people? These people? The very ones that called her odd and would speak bad about her father? That was hard to believe.

It was Carter who spoke, eyes moving to Bel and you. A glimmer in her eyes told Bel something was up. “Oh, where are my manners?? Y/n this is my cousin Bel, bel this is my very dear friend Y/n. You might have seen her campaign posters on the school walls for a few weeks. She’s the one I’ve been helping campaign for her student council spot.”

Bel didn’t know what was worse. The fact that Carter was right, you were adorable. With your bright eyes and cheerful smile that made Bel want to smile too. A instinct almost. Or the fact that her cousin knew her too well to know that you were exactly her type.

Bel eyed your attire. A smart skirt just long enough to be school-appropriate, your legs outlined by the pale sun, a blazer that held the school emblem and that bel was sure to cost more than the school’s lunch budget for weeks. From the way you dressed, Bel would have thought you were some sort of preppy kid. Stoic, beyond caring about the underprivileged kids in the school. But from the way you were smiling at her now, sweet, shy almost made Bel rethink.

“Bel price, I must say your presence exceeds your expectations. I’ve heard so many things about you. None of which are true. Is it really true you haven’t smiled since kindergarten?” You had a playful attitude Bel noticed. Your eyes finding hers and holding her stare.

Bel could feel her eyes trail down to your lips. They were soft and smooth and looked…good. Really good. With the lipgloss that caught the light. God Bel had to have you. She had to. You were precious. Kind. So many other adjectives she couldn’t think of. Her mind was firing adrenaline at just your eyes on her, making her heart faster than any other teen in the school yard Bel was sure but those thoughts quickly deflated, why was she acting like some love-sick teenager? It was disgusting.

“Can you blame me? Jimmy peed in his pants over a spider in the courtyard. I’m not above holding my laughter”.

You smiled, “I hope you don’t mind but Carter told me a little bit about you. Said you liked trinkets. While I know this might have no value to you I wanted you to have one anyway. You can chuck it out later when I leave” you joked. But Bel watched as you fished out a couple of buttons from your jacket. Your name plastered on them with a nice blue background along with the school’s emblem.

“It’s not much but I know you like collecting things. Carter picked out the blue. And also just in case you need some help remembering who to vote for” your lips drew up into a large infectious smile. Bel could feel her heart race at it. Why did your smile have to be so flirty? Was it flirty?

You passed the button to Bel, fingers brushing ever so slowly against each other causing Bel’s heart to do massive summer salts. The button was nice and all..but bell knew she would keep it close. Brush her fingers against the button at night and think about the girl whose smile was almost as alluring as her clever comebacks.

“Thanks. Thank you for the button I’ll make sure I vote for you” Bel found herself saying, “because you're so charming and all”.

Bel tried not to notice the way Carter smiled smugly beside her. Like somehow she was the genius mastermind behind the operation.

You sighed, eyes turning back to the students, eyes seeming to remember there were others around. “Well I have to go, more votes and all but-“ you bit your lip looking sheepish. “Bel I hope I see you around. Don’t let them take away your fire…I quite like it” you blushed before walking off.

Bel watched you leave, noticing the way your cheeks turned crimson. She likes my fire. She likes me. Bel couldn’t remember the feeling of actually liking someone.

“I told you you’d love her. You see if you just listened to your dear cousin-“

“Just shut up and tell me more about her?”.

"Well, she's in our year, in our chemistry class. She's top of the class come to think of it she's too of "

Carter wasn't even done when Bel spoke again, her gray eyes serious, "that's not what I meant. Tell me about her. Where she grew up, her family-"

A family could tell you a lot about a person. If they were stable and came from a good nurturing background, or if you were raised by your father and had manners like the wolves at the zoo. "Manners of the wild ones" as Grandma Susan once said about a very young bel who had face-planted Carter into a chocolate cake for her seventh birthday. The only time Grandma Susan ever did visit. She also came and carted away some of Rachel's things. Clothes, books.

“Oh excuse me here I was telling you the bare minimum. You want the life story! Well, I don't have much on that article seeing as how I only talk to y/n about school and most of what we talk about is dance and her campaign. If you really want these details talk to her about it”

Bel halted, her brows furrowed. "I can't talk to her. I'm a shit conversationalist! I can't even talk to Mrs nosy about the weather when I put the bins out what makes you think a girl as sweet as y/n will ever talk to me!"

"What do you mean you literally just spoke to her? And I'll have you know y/n talks to everybody! She's not just for the student body! She's kind and cares about others. You sell yourself too short bel! You are fun witty and imaginative! Not to mention your humor is unmatched! So you might be a little rough around the edges and prickly but y/n knows the reason and she's not one to judge” Carter spoke, eyebrows wide as her cousin followed her into school. Huddling close as if a secret. "She did seem to like me" bel muttered out. A sense of vulnerability laced in her voice. It was almost cute. Too cute, too vulnerable, and vulnerable meant danger, it meant pain. and the pain was something Bel was well accustomed to. so she swept her feelings under a rug, her voice laced with disinterest. “Besides I’m not looking for a girlfriend right now. I’m just interested in her that’s all” Bel spoke, keeping her emotions at bay, fighting her inner demons that threatened to come out. Consume her.

Carter only shook her head playfully, “Of course bel.”

just interested. That's the mantra Bel used when she would pass by the school's poor excuse of a library and something in her would make her feet halt, shoes squeaking against the linoleum floor. The first time it had happened bel had been on her way to find Carter, eager to get home after a long eight-hour day of learning. She had stepped into the library when she had caught you huddled in the corner, the little wooden cubicles that looked ancient and so prehistoric that even Bel had never seen another student occupy the space. The other students prefer to study in the confinements of their homes. You looked...intriguing as you sat in the square, posture proper and books in front of you and a green-lit lamp on despite the sun glaring into the room.

You were eagerly writing notes, your pen moving fast and efficiently on the page, all while you eyed the book in front of you. Bel watched as your eyes trailed the page, your eyelashes looking long and...pretty. Your nose was smooth and your cheeks were flushed. Bel willed herself to walk away, to stop acting like such a creep, because standing a few feet away and watching somebody study, without reason was creepy. She was just about to walk away when she caught sight of your eyes, they had moved swiftly past the page in the direction of her, only the smile that lifted up on your lips was otherworldly.

Bel felt her stomach swoon with butterflies at the way your apple cheeks and lips were up in a smirk, for a millisecond Bel thought about what it must be like to have a smile like that, filled with joy and adoration aimed at her. The thought was sweet but quickly turned sour. Just the thought of letting anyone in, of letting them see her true feelings, her anger which was rampant in her, her anguish, her grief, having to explain to them her story have them eye her with sympathy..it was enough to make bel recoil.

but she didn't get very far because the person you had been smiling stepped out of the shadows and Carter was walking to you, backpack in hand and coppery hair tied firmly into a ponytail. The first thing Bel did not expect to feel was...she couldn’t explain it. The drop in her gut as she watched Carter and you laugh, you were showing Carter your book, and Carter had moved swiftly to get a good look but it was close enough that anybody could think...anybody could think you two were a thing. The thought was revolting and sicking and Bel didn’t know why. Didn’t know why her body reacted the way it did.

Before Bel even knew what she was doing she was walking over, pure instinct taking over. her shoes made noises as she crossed the library, fully intending to cart Carter away. She told herself the same excuse, it was for Carter. But deep down that was a lie, skillfully crafted lie. A lie that Bel told herself to deny the truth.

She had barely walked up when your eyes had shot to hers, and a minuscule smile had lifted into your lips. Barely noticeable, but still enough that Bel had caught it. She was an observer, had been all her life. Had to be the daughter of Rachel Price. “Oh, bel! Didn’t see you there. You look flush are you alright?” You were saying, and it scared bel how quickly you had known something was wrong. Like an innate ability. But it also scared her how genuine your tone had been.

“Oh, bel? She’s fine. She’s got an immune system made of steel” Carter joked, and you laughed, eyes eying Carter. Bel’s eyes flew down to the book on your hands, eyes reading the title. ‘The essential student government guide’ in big bold letters. A guide. You were reading a guide. How many students do that these days?

“Seems like a heavy book” Bel commented, “oh it is. But it’s been very helpful” you commented, and it was only then that bel let her eyes trail to your paper. In neat colorful letters were names, names of students and beside them a list, of likes and dislikes. A question bloomed in Bel’s gut. Especially under jimmy Henderson’s name.

Jimmy- Lacks confidence, and needs encouragement. Kind eyes, thoughtful personality.

Sam Blake- (need some more research before I can find any redeeming qualities)

Stella Chapman- likes Thursdays because of Taco Thursday, shy personality, may need some kindness

That’s how you kept track of all the students. Bel knew you saw her sneak a peek because you had simply smiled and gone to cover up your notebook.

Bel eyed you as you did, the things you wrote, needs kindness, is thoughtful, how did you know all those things? Why did you care?

“I best be going, I have dinner with my family tonight and my mother hates it when I’m late” you laughed, “Carter! I loved your thoughts for the campaign!”.

Carter's words were lost on Bel as she thought.

It was only till you had smiled and said bye to her that she registered. “It was great seeing you bel” you enthused, and Bel smiled, “you always work in these cubicles?”.

The question had caught Carter off guard, Bel could tell from her cousin's eyes, but you, you looked at her like you knew something. With your calm docile eyes.

“Yes. I don’t get much quiet at home, so I come here and study when I can. There are only a couple students who like to use them, it’s like my own world in there” you smiled. "I also tutor, not that the Bel Price needs tutoring" you spoke, a flush spreading to your cheeks. Bel stuffed her hands in her pockets, fingers nervously grabbing the edges of the hemlines.

Carter was the to speak next, swinging an arm around Bel and bringing her close, "I think Bel might need some help with the academic department" Carter spoke, and Bel felt dread fill her veins, she certainly did not!! Ok so maybe she lacked the right attitude to school work and GPA but she certainly did not need a tutor, and worse yet she didn't need you thinking she wasn't clever. Not that what you thought of her was important? Bel had learned long ago that the only opinions that truly mattered to her were hers. Not what reporters said or the police, not what the neighbors said or Philip Alves. So why did it matter to her what you thought?

If you thought less of her you didn't show it, simply smiled that kind smile yet Bel noticed the uneasy way you glanced at your phone, trying hard to keep eye contact with the two girls "Well I am always here if you guys need a tutor, now if you'll excuse me my mother keeps ringing my phone" you smiled one last time and pressed your phone to your ear, your backpack swung in your hands as you walked.

Bel couldn't help but notice the way your posture seemed to change as you spoke lowly on the phone, your wide charming eyes vacant as you sighed against the mobile, "Mom Please I said I don't want him there" were the words Bel could make out, could see in your face the discomfort. "Look I'm busy....if he's going to be there I'm busy. you can't expect me to change all my plans last minute because that man finally wants to show his face" The disgruntled snicker you let out as you scanned your library book was loud and the slight curl in your lip intrigued Bel.

You were angry. It was evident by the curled furrowed brows and your clenched hands. A stark difference from your peppy optimistic personality that had greeted her with a warm smile. As much as Bel would have loved to sit and dissect every sentence she had heard, especially the way your words had seemed to shake at the very end, seeming like a very stuck little girl at that moment it made Bel’s heart tug in her chest. She knew that voice, that feeling. Carter was beside her now, blue eyes peering at Bel as she eyed you from behind a book stack. "are we done leering like a creep at a park or can we go?" Carter spoke, laughing to herself.

Bel’s cheeks flushed red, her dark grey eyes peering at Carter with a death glare. “Never speak of this to anyone,” she said, but this time there was no playful glint or anything humorous about Bel’s tone. Instead, Bel locked eyes with Carter, her deep round gray-blue eyes seeming to convey something in their icy depths. Fear. Carter could recognize the look a mile away. Knew it like the back of her hand.

“I was just-“Bel spoke, tongue sweeping over her lips, eyes looking around the room desperate to cover up her lie. But as she peered into her cousin's eyes, she knew she didn’t need to lie.

“I’m not interested in love Carter”. “Love taints everything I am. So wipe that stupid grin off your face. I’m not getting involved with y/n”. Grey eyes held blues.

Then Bel was pushing away from Carter, walking away down the steps into the street but all Carter knew was that Bel was walking away from her. Walking away from happiness, a true unbridled desire to be loved. Bel would stifle her feelings, wouldn’t truly feel it. Just like she had done when she was a child. Carter even at age eight was clever enough to know that Bel would look at the parents as they picked up their kids, the mother’s specifically. Would eye them with her pained price price-blue eyes. So many emotions bottled up in her chest, envy, anger, pain. All of it was too much for her little body to bear. Wishing she could have had that, wishing that Rachel would have loved her enough to stay.

But now it was too much again, except it was a new feeling. And Bel was like a steel cage, like a beast a tamed, a colt unwilling to be trained. Bel Price was a stranger to love.

A few weeks went by and Bel’s mind was occupied with much more important matters. The documentary team had sent over the legal papers and documents to be signed, and Bel had known when her father had handed her the paper her life would change.

She couldn’t describe how she knew, an inkling in her chest. Told her maybe it wasn’t such a grand idea, but one look at Paw Paw and his old aging eyes and she was signing.

“I promise it will go fast bel” Charlie had said, his eyes soft and calm as he tutted her chin and gave her more hot chocolate in her mug. Bel had eyed the whipped cream in the hot mug, watched as it disappeared into nothing but white streaks. She eyed around the room, finally noticing her dad had migrated into the living room, Uncle Jeff next to him, whispering away like only brothers could. Carter was out at practice and would be all night. Paw Paw was too old and confused to be around the girls anymore, and Aunt Sherry was probably embarrassing Carter through some mirrored glass at a performance.

The realization was huge and hard to swallow, like a dry pill down your throat, the pain and dry sensation making you feel like all the air in your lungs had gone.

Bel was lonely. She was Alone.

There was never a time in her life where she felt this way, never a time where she felt so unseen, so unheard. She wanted to grab the documentary documents and rip them to shreds, she wanted to bash her mother's picture frames and any trace of Rachel's price in this home. She wanted to seep down to her knees and let out the most soul-aching scream. She wanted her dad to hold her tight and tell her everything would be alright. But she didn’t. She just sat in the cold dark kitchen, eyeing her mug of hot chocolate and pretending like her father hadn’t just left her in there after a rather hard and painful talk. ‘Here is this paper and you are going to have to drive up every memory and soul-wrenching trauma about your mother and I’m getting paid for it so bye’.

Was it selfish to feel this way? Bel didn’t know. She just knew there was this sinking pit in her gut. This deep dark pit that she couldn't get out of. She was alone. Alone in this world. Sure she had her dad, he was everything to her, everything. But…would he always be there? Would Carter? Would Uncle Jeff? Sherry? They all had lives and destinies of their own. Paths to follow. futures. Here bel was stuck in her forever loop of Rachel Price. Like some old snow shaker that no matter how hard you twisted and turned the globe the snow would forever stay in the glass boundary.

Bel could feel the way the room was cold, could feel it in the tips of her fingers, knew by the way her mug had gone lukewarm. She felt bitter inside, for one single second Bel let herself think about Rachel. If Rachel had been here at this very moment would she have stayed by her side when all the adults had abandoned her? Would she had pulled up the chair and stroked her blonde locks and spoken to her with kind warm eyes, provide that protected secure feeling that bel wished she had grew up with? Or would she have followed her father out into the room too? It was a question Bel was sure she would never know.

Letting out a breathe which had been stuck in her chest Bel let her eyes wander out through the windows. The night was cool and calm, yet soft snow fell from the clouds, dusting the sidewalk with white. Gorham New Hampshire. A paradise of snow. Bel chuckled, she always dared Carter to go eat the snow, but Carter would always stick her tongue out and say that the snow was dirty disgust in her tone. Bel had eaten it once as a toddler, had grabbed a fistful stuck with mud and grime, and had stuffed it into her tiny mouth. It had been around the time that Aunt Sherry and Jeff had taken her in. Aunt Sherry always laughed at the story, and called Bel ‘the curious child’. Aunt Sherry had immediately taken Bel into her arms and had put her in the bath, wiping her mouth and her hands which had been caked with mud and remaining snow.

Bel let the soft smile on her lips fade. It should have been her own mother who had done that. Should have been Rachel Price who had picked her up and dusted her ruddy-cheeked face. Should have been Rachel who picked her up from her high chair and kissed her chubby cheeks, shushing her and bouncing her with motherly adoration.

It seemed today was a day meant to haunt her. Every thought raced back to Rachel. Bel needed to clear her head, to breathe, so she quickly grabbed her coat from the door and went out, not bothering to tell her dad or Uncle Charlie. They would think she went up to her room. Wouldn’t check for hours. How funny the way men worked, if aunt sherry were here she would have checked on Bel and told her to get to bed at a good time. Made sure she’s eaten dinner.

Bel let her shoes get caked with snow as she walked, her hands in her coat pocket. She had no idea where she was going, she just strolled along the path, watching as old couples walked their dogs and kids ran past giggling. After a few minutes, she made it to a park, and it was then that Bell felt the air leave her lungs.

This park was where Rachel would bring her when she was a baby. Just a few months old. There were pictures of Rachel sitting down on the park bench, face young and smooth, blue eyes effortlessly beautiful as she hoisted a young newborn bel in her arms, cacooned away from the world in her arms. Bel allowed her eyes to burn with the uncontrollable feeling of tears.

Just a few, tiny little drops race-tracking down her cheeks. She never cried, not for Rachel. But today wasn’t for Rachel, it was for her. The newborn, the toddler, the child, the teenager, and soon a woman. These tears were for her. For a young eight-year-old bel who inside was terrified, for a young eight-year-old bel peering up at philiph Alves as he screamed at her behind the backseat. For a fourteen-year-old bel who had lost a friend over her father’s innocence. These tears were for her. Not Rachel. She didn’t deserve them.

Just as Bel was about to turn back on her heel toward home she caught sight of a shadowy figure out by the old relic playground set. Usually, Bel would be weary about nights like these, strangers and midnight creeps out and about, but what had halted her steps had been the familiar cadence of the soft sobs that flew through the chilly night.

Bel gulped, feeling her mind toying with her. 'Are you stupid bel don't go over! you want to end up like your mother dead on the road somewhere?' but it was the way the sobs were silent, that made bel turn back. Immediately Bel was walking over in the direction of the rusty old play set, having to stoop over the walls and into the wooden mulch. The shadowy figure was in view now, a girl it looked like, clutching her right palm to her face firmly and the other hand clutching the swing's rope with shaky white-knuckled fingers.

Bel tried to think of what to say, what do you say? She was about to go with "Do you need help?" when her foot rubbed against the concrete path of the ground and the shadowy figure startled her, face appearing from behind palms and bel felt like the air had gotten knocked out of her.

It was you. All pink-faced and wide glossy eyes as they took Bel in. Your shoulders were no longer slumped and you immediately stood to attention, wiping your face with your sleeve, "Bel??" you spoke, your voice hoarse and so unlike the calm smooth cadence Bel had known.

Bel eyed your appearance, her mind going to a dark place, making sure you weren't bruised or your clothes weren't ripped, making sure you weren't hurt in any way. Bel didn't care how odd it seemed or the way she tried to fight herself when it came to you. Never staring too long during class, never letting herself be alone with you, keeping you at arm's length, even dodging Carter because you were usually with her. That all didn't matter, not now.

Bel felt something overtake her and soon she was in front of you, fingers soft as they roamed over your cheeks, she noticed how you leaned into the contact, your cheeks red and eyes devoid of color. The usual charming and airy spark in your eyes gone. Replaced by hollow eyes and grief.

"Who did this to you? Was it a person? why are you out here at night do you know how dangerous that is Y/N? you don't even have a jacket! what were you thinking? you'll freeze to death out here!" without thinking bel was taking off her jacket and placing it on your shoulders.

You remained quiet, just eying Bel, a soft chuckle fell off your lips quiet and soft, but tired. "I thought you said kindness didn’t come easy to you”. Bel laughed, “You heard me tell Carter that didn’t you?”.

You shook your head, moving to wrap the jacket around you, it molded perfectly onto your shoulders, “perfect fit. And no…I didn’t.”

Bel wanted to ask just how she knew that but something was more urgent. “Can you tell me why you’re out here alone on a Friday night? Did something happen?”.

You shook your head, your smile sad but skillfully beautiful. “It’s just family matters bel. I’m sure you understand those things. And I’m a politician” you joke, “I can handle myself.”

Bel nodded, “I know. It’s just-“Bel moved to sit down on the swing beside you, grey eyes eying you as you moved your legs. “I just figured…you know about Rachel- if you want you can tell me…” part of Bel had told her no, that she had already done her job making sure you were alright and she could go home, but the other half…it was you. You were different. You were kind. You were soft. Perhaps there was a part of Bel, deep down that knew you were hers. A small part of her that clung to you. The same small part that would volunteer with Carter for your campaign just to see your happy smile as you talked animatedly about the school’s trust fund.

You moved a strand through your hair looking defeated as you eyed the air, “My mother…and I don’t see eye to eye. You see..” you moved to eye bel, “my mom had me when she was eighteen. She and my dad were young and tried to make it work. But eventually, my dad left us, I was a toddler. He just one day decided we weren’t enough and just drove away.” The pain in your eyes was evident, the anger seeping through.

“Well anyway, my mother worked two jobs and got her degree. She married her boss a few years ago, it will be five years next year. And I know it all seems jolly and great…but…it’s not. My mother…she’s complicated. I love her to death, but she’s so controlling. Manipulative. She sinks her hooks into me. The whole running for student president was her idea initially. Don’t get me wrong I love being a candidate, I found out I have a knack for it. It gives a sense of purpose…to know that I can care about others' needs when ..”

“When others didn’t bother to give a rats ass about yours?” Bel stepped in, her heart hammering in her chest at your laugh, “Yeah…my mom’s new husband, George I love him, I do…but sometimes it feels like my mother is recreating her life. She got pregnant recently, again. Three boys back to back” there was a hint of fondness in your eyes as you spoke of your half-siblings. “And even though sometimes I wish it just stayed mom and I…that safe secure feeling, just us two. Like it was supposed to be…I love those little ape faces. They bring so much joy into my life. But I also can’t help but pretend that my mother is cutting me out one piece at a time. She’s already started talking about my room for the nursery. Like…her attention for me is gone. I was her baby first before any of them. I never got the stay-at-home mom, I never got the big house with a pool. I got to see my mom every other day because she worked long shifts, eating meals by myself in middle school because she was at school. I’m not saying I wasn’t grateful for her sacrifice…because her we were able to have wonderful things, a nice home. I’m not as selfish as I sound I promise” you spoke, a hint of respect in your tone, “It’s just…I was with her through it all and you would think she would stop and think about it.”

You played with your fingers, eyes peering down at your ‘y/n for president’ ring. “She did something recently and I’m not sure I can ever forgive her for it”.

Your words were quiet, like you almost regretting saying the words. Bel had to laugh at that, her eyebrows up in confusion. You not forgiving someone? Bel had known you for only a few weeks and she already knew what a sweet kind person you were. Enough that you observed people and what they liked, not because you wanted to win, but because you could. Bel remembered finding that odd in the first week of knowing you. It was odd how you treated Jimmy, gave him kind words, and were always there to lift him up. Brought Stella Chapman a tissue after you had found her crying in the girl's bathroom, made a meal for a pupil’s family who had gotten the stomach bug. Bel’s mind flashes back to your little book. The one with the colorful writings on it was filled with notes about the student body.

“I find that hard to believe. Believe me y/n I’ve seen people…I know people…you are a rare breed. Your mom might not appreciate you or make you feel as loved…but I do. I see you.” Bel wanted to stop her words, to make them halt on her tongue, the screaming instinct in her gut told her to run, to flee. But the way your eyes were looking at her, like you saw straight through her as well, made Bel’s cheeks hot even though the temperature was beyond cold.

You couldn’t help but feel light at her words, they brought a sense of comfort in them. Eased the pain in your chest. But you watched as Bel’s eyes rang with panic and you knew you needed to lighten the mood or she would bolt. You were familiar with Bel’s inner panic and had seen it once or twice.

“Don’t think I didn’t see you passing the library…do you always peek at me through book piles?”.

The teasing tone and the fact that you knew Bel was eying you made Bel sputter, “What? What makes you think that was me?”.

“You have a tell bel price” you spoke, intrigue in your eyes, “everyone has a tell. Jimmy’s is he scratches his ear when he’s lying, Carter’s is she doesn’t quite meet your eyes when you talk you-“ your eyes mapped out bel’s face. Taking in her deep gray-blue eyes, her ruddy pale cheeks, and blonde waves that looked almost white in the light of the night. She was breathtaking. You had heard so many stories about Bel, how her mother’s absence had left her cold and prickly, ‘don’t go to Bel Price she’s busy dealing with her circus of a family’ others would tell her.

But deep down as you eyed Bel across the hallway, the way she would giggle and laugh with Carter, head back and nose scrunched shouldn’t have made your heart flutter. Her smile when it was aimed at you shouldn’t have made you want to see more. And her eyes now certainly didn’t want to make you drag her across the small distance by her collar and taste what those red-rimmed lips felt like against your own.

“I hope you know I’ve spent years dealing with police and investigators and journalists and not one of them could read me. What makes you think you can?” Bel spoke, all confident air from the way she smirked back at you.

“That’s for me to know and you to wonder”.

Bel only eyed you more, watching as you legs swayed on the swing, your hair wavy in the wind. Bel had never truly felt this connected to a person before. Like she knew who you were deep down. She had a sense of sympathy for you, for your past, and for your mother. Which almost made her laugh and recoil because Bel Price had no sense of sympathy for anyone.

Guilt seemed to ebb its way into her veins and bel sighed out, her breathe coming out cold in the wind.

“I was being stupid and I eavesdropped at the library when Carter went to meet you. It was a shitty move and I’m sorry.”

Bel expected for you to be mad, and angry because you’d think that after her trouble being Rachel Price’s daughter privacy would mean everything to Bel.

Instead, you kicked off the ground with your feet, hair swinging as you swayed on the seat, a distant look in your eyes. “You’re wondering who I was talking about on the phone price?”.

“Don’t feel like if you have to tell me…I just…you looked so different from your usual peppy self and-“

Bel’s eyes couldn’t help but trail over you as you swung. Your soft features turned cold and rigid, the apples of your cheeks looking less sweet.

“Richard came back. My dad. I’ve never once seen him in my life. I was still too much of a baby to remember what he looked like or how he would play with me when I was little. My mother spent years talking crap about him, like how he was a deadbeat and had no backbone. How he drank all our money away or gambled our electric bill. Now my mom wants to play happy families so she can rub her luck in his face and she invited him to a dinner a few days ago. Something she didn’t even bother to tell me till it was less than 20 minutes before. Can you imagine how that feels?” Your eyes met Bel’s and she could feel the inner panic in your blood, could see the way your eyes were downcast and angry. Your touch on the swing is white again.

“I told her I wasn’t going. I didn’t want the first time I met my dad…saw him again to be in a room with my new family. To be in a house that my mom and my stepfather bought. It didn’t feel natural. I wanted to meet him by myself. I wanted to be able to scream and cry at him. Tell him just how much he hurt me, how I hated him for a long period of my till I recognized that I hated him because I needed him.” An indignant laugh fell off your lips, “you ever hate somebody so much but it’s only because you love them so much it hurts to even think about it?”.

Bel immediately flashed back to Rachel. The whole conversation had made her think back to her. Rachel had left her, abandoned in the backseat. Your dad had driven away and never turned back. You didn’t remember what he looked like or how he had loved you, bel remembered only because she was forced to, forced to talk about a woman she didn’t know. You were forced to sit across the table from the man who was supposed to be your whole world.

Maybe Carter had been right when she said you were both alike. Kindred spirits.

It seemed you had pierced together how your words had affected bel b ecause soon you were reaching out with a soft hand, “oh gosh bel I’m sorry! I was rambling and I didn’t think to stop and-“

Bel didn’t know what made her do it. “You familiar with the case of Rachel Price? How she left me in the backseat and-“. Bel’s words were clipped, tongue prickly, and eyes cold.

You knew better than to speak, so you nodded, sensing the inner beast in bel price you had always known existed.

“I know it’s stupid but I can’t remember her. I remember what people tell me, how she liked taking me to this coffee house in the white mountain mall. How she used to work there in high school. Sometimes I wish I could remember her. Because then it would hurt less. Being her daughter isn’t easy. I’ve been interrogated more times than I can count, I’ve been spoken to with harsh words as if I had the answer when I didn’t. I’ve been seen as a girl with broken eyes and-“Bel sighed out, “my grandpa is sick, he’s been sick for a while. My dad’s father. He’s got dementia and the bills we pay for him are high, but my dad loves him. My uncle too. And I do too” A small smile flicked onto Bel’s face. “He would read all these books to me when I was a child. Carter too. Would let us play at Price and son’s logging yard. It would snow and it looked like a hidden world.”

You noticed how Bel’s eyes lit up at the memory, “I would do anything for paw paw. And my dad would too. Which is why a British film crew is coming in a few weeks to film a documentary about Rachel. Coming here specifically. With their long lenses and fake sets. To sit me down and have me go over all of the details again. I know I shouldn’t be mad…but I’m angry. Angry at my dad for dragging me into this, but I also know it’s for Grandpa. Is it selfish?”.

It took you a few minutes to gather your thoughts, “Is it selfish I wanted to meet my father away from my happy family?”. It wasn’t. It wasn’t selfish at all and the fact that Bel Price had thought it selfish told you she had kindness in her. Sympathy, the ability to care. Despite what others had said about her.

“I think of you didn’t think it was selfish you wouldn’t be human bel” Your voice was soft, that familiar cadence that filled Bel’s stomach with goat coals back on full force. Your smile was soft and warm at the edges. Then your smile halted, “as for the documentary, I’ve only known you for a few weeks at most, and most of what I know about you has been from Carter, she loves you more than you know. But I want you to know that I think you are the most wonderful person. Even with your faults, because they give me strength to face my battles. And pardon me saying this but-“ your eyes moved to Bel’s held them there, making Bel’s heart squeeze in the most wonderful way.

“I read about the Rachel Price case and had to if I was going to meet her daughter. I read the case files and watched the newsreels, I read about Philip Alves and what he did to you, and after all that reading and watching and thinking…I know that your mother loved you. Despite what you think, because if she hadn’t she wouldn’t have left the car on and toasty for a little Annabel price”. Your cheeks tinged red at the full name and Bel found herself unable to speak

Her name had never sounded so perfect before. And secondly, it meant a lot that you had done your own research, bel should have known with how you studied hard at school. Bel had asked a question in the last few weeks, did it matter what you thought of her? And it did. So to hear that you thought she was the strongest person she had met, was enough for Bel to get an ego. Rattle of to Carter.

Bel didn’t have much to say, so she simply nodded and eyed the small flurries of snow falling from the thick black skies.

It was only then that Bel felt your fingers, warm and hot against your own, just enough that your fingertips met her own in the metallic swing. You didn’t move it anymore, not wanting to scare her away. To frighten her. Bel felt like she was having a heart attack, her heart was beating loudly in her head and her body seemed alarmed at first at the touch but leaned into it, like she had been craving this type of attention.

Her cheeks were hot and her fingertips slowly edged to lay atop of yours, not quite holding but leaning, just like you had leaned on her. It was quiet for a moment, and Bel took a moment to breathe. Close her eyes and feel your fingers on your own, because she knew this night would bring her comfort. Even if you two drifted apart it was a memory that would live with bel forever. Make a home inside her heart, it had wormed itself in like a parasite, this feeling. And bel knew what it was, but she didn’t want to acknowledge it just yet.

You both stayed a couple of minutes there. Just together, no words said. It wasn’t till your phone rang and you eyed the contact, eyes conflicted before bringing it to your ear, sniffing before answering.

“Hello?”. A pause, the indents of your boots made snow angels as you dug them into the snow. “I’m fine Mom I’m fine I promise I just needed some air.”

“No I don’t need you to come and get me I can walk home…no…no don’t get in the car-“ the dial time had indicated that your mother was already in the car, and you only eyed the screen before sighing, moving back to eye bel, a hand running through your thick curls, and bel couldn’t help the way her stomach swooned at the sight.

“Well my mom’s bringing the Calvary.” You spoke.

“There are times I wish I could get a call like that” Bel speaks, her voice holding emotion, “even though your mom's not perfect y/n…she loves you. She wouldn’t be driving in the New Hampshire snow if she wasn’t worried about you”.

You smiled, “keeping me in check bel price?”.

Bel laughed, “just enough.”

You both sat for a while, bel listening to you speak about your campaign. “I’ve been very successful, I mean not perfect like Chrissy Cunningham was last year, but I got a good amount of votes and I just know I’d do good. Carter’s been a great help with the demographic area and you-you’ve been great at passing out the buttons. Even putting on a fake smile every now and then” you joked.

“Someone told me it wouldn’t hurt to crack a smile every now and then” Bel spoke.

“Did you know that when you smile your brain releases these tiny-“ you held up your fingers, showing the tips of your fingers, “tiny probably tinier than this, molecules called neuropeptides that help fight stress? They even work as a pain reliever. Even a fake smile will do the trick”

What a nerd. A cute nerd.

“Where did you read that?” Bel asked, “the library” you spoke.

“You mean the ancient library that acts more like a mausoleum” Bel joked, and you only shook your head, moving to push her swing firmly, “it is not a mausoleum I hope you know” you giggled, your nose scrunched and the airy giggles that bounced in the air was enough for bel to realize just how beautiful you were. Like a painting.

She was stuck in her thoughts that she didn’t hear your mom’s car drive up, the wheels bruising against the snow, a familiar mother's voice, and then you were standing, your fingers holding Bel’s jacket with clutched fingers. You pulled it it of and gave it to Bel, eyes shy for the first time that night.

“I’ve got to go and have the most uncomfortable talk of my life now…but..thank you bel. I needed to clear my head and I don’t think it was a coincidence that we both met at the same park”.

“Oh total universe right there” Bel added making you smile.

“Do you want a ride? I’d hate for you to be cold-“

“My house is literally right down that street, I’ll be fine but-“ hesitation fell across Bel’s features and she told it to fuck off in a typical bel price manner. “I didn’t give you my number, in case you need anything. Like campaign stuff-“ and late-night phone calls but bel didn’t add those.

Pulling out a pen bel moved to ask for your hand, taking it softly and dusting off your palm with focused gray eyes, the tip of the pen rubbing your palm making you flinch.

After Bel’s number was safely on your palm and your mother honked the horn you turned back, giving Bel one last smile and running across the park to your car, your mother immediately yanking you in bringing out a jacket, and running her hands on your cheeks, her lips moving in a gentle smile yet a reprimanding glare. Bel only laughed at the scene before walking back home. Her chest was airy and light, no longer that bitter feeling.

Opening the door she watched as Carter stood up from the couch, alert in her eyes, “She’s back! Where the hell have you been bel? We’ve been looking all over and your phone was on Silent”.

Bel hadn’t noticed that only seemed to notice the way your eyes glinted in the night and how hot your fingers felt against her skin.

“Was it? I didn’t notice. It’s a lovely night out, isn’t it? The stars are so beautiful this time of day” Bel spoke, smiling wildly, her cheeks dusted with pink.

Aunt Sherry eyed uncle Jeff who eyed Charlie, and Carter eyed Bel with a surprised look.

“The stars are beautiful this time of night? Last week you said they were just burning balls of gas”.

“Beautiful burning gas! Have some imagination, Carter”.

Imagination?

“Just who did you run into at the park?” Carter asked, bel blushed, “just a certain future student body president. I’m starving is that Chinese? Hell yeah!” Bel spoke moving to eye the containers on the table.

Carter couldn’t help but smile, she wasn’t sure how long this airy love-filled bel would last, probably a few minutes at most but one thing Carter knew was this had been a turning point. A bridge crossed. Now it was time for operation ‘keep Bel from bolting’.

“Well we are just glad that you came home in one piece but next time please answer your phone bel! We were so worried” Charlie spoke, moving to run his daughter’s head playfully.

“Carter, are we sharing or not?” Bel asked, “get your ass over here before I eat the whole tray!” So Bel was back. Carter wondered how long it would last.

#bel price x fem reader #bel price #the reappearance of rachel price #decided to make this into three parts #think of this as the fire being lit #what was i made for? (maybe you?)#trorp #A kilton grammar original work

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