#think it's safe to say I'm in the fandom now
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Was thinking of human/transformer compatibility with some of my oc’s (specifically afab human oc bc I think it’s funnier) and how a human could accidentally get a Transformer pregnant. Eventually decided on spark-merging - the human just like. Curls up in the chest cavity to get as close to their partner’s spark as they can - as an option bc 1.) it’s a very intimate gesture and 2.) once their human learns what it means they immediately ask if there’s Cybertronian protection for that kind of thing. Partner assured them that it’s fine, besides they’re an interspecies couple lmao that’s not even possible.
Two months later their medical scans come back positive for a newspark. Human is having a hysterical laughing fit like I TOLD you!! And look at me, I’m a FATHER now you giant shiny idiot!!! Their Cybertronian partner is sitting there in a fugue state they can’t even refute them bc they were the one who said that they wouldn’t get pregnant. I would love your thoughts on this 🥺
goshhh ahh this is so cute I love spark-merging in the fandom bc it has so much potential. Sadly I'm not particularly scientific-minded so I can't give an exact explanation to how it works other than "something something reproducing through the intimacy of touching sparks" Personally (and this is just my view of spark-merging) - I like considering it more of an intimate act of trust between everyone from close friends to lovers. It's more about finding comfort and feeling safe in each other's arms - it's connecting on a level beyond your physical bodies. Let's just say I'm planning on exploring past sparkbonds in Tell me it's alright to cry and Bleed me dry's potential sequel respectively. I'll leave it at that
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When It Rains It Pours Ep 6 Thoughts
I have had an incredibly weird day. But the good news is that I can finally watch this episode which will most likely shatter my heart to pieces. BUT it's the first week that I'm watching with everyone else then we all get to spend a week thinking about it and talking about it together. What a wonderful little community this show has here on tumblr (you all have been so nice and so smart and so willing to scream with others and you are all the best forever no matter what anyone else says). I wasn't sure I was gonna continue my liveblog, but here I am. Continuing it. Under the cut:
SEI IS BUYING THE COFFEE. I REPEAT SEI IS BUYING THE COFFEE. THIS IS NOT A DRILL. I have run out of words. Please tell me someone else has talked about this…I'm not even 5 seconds into the show yet god damn I should control myself.
BUT THEN HE COULDN'T PAY? OH SWEET JESUS. There is meaning here. (sirens hurry the fuck up and drive by I am trying to watch a masterpiece)
Baby boy the feelings are reciprocated. He will save you if you let him. And you can save him in turn.
This. Bastard. Is trying to move Sei away. To alienate him further. He doesn't want Sei to have anyone in his life except him. If he hadn't answered that phone call, he wouldn't be considering moving.
Anger.
Anger and hatred and violence.
His job is literally the only place he ever sees people! He doesn't even really interact with them! But he at least has a place where should he need to talk to someone outside of Fujisawa, there are people there. Not just Kazuaki. But other coworkers. Who based on what we've seen, are all friendly and kind enough. And now Fujiisawa is trying to remove the ONE place Sei has that he does not have access to. I am screaming and crying and gonna jump into this show to knee this man in the groin.
The fact that Sei is listening to rain sounds means that Kazuaki remembered and sent him the link to listen to rain sounds when he wanted. It means that Kazuaki remembered. Thought of him and their conversation. Even before they knew about the emails. He remembered.
You ask like you have a right to know.
He doesn't ask like a friend who's curious and cares about his friend being happy and meeting someone. He asks like he is entitled to that information.
Sei's entire confession is so matter of fact. He doesn't sound remorseful or like he's been caught cheating. He just openly admits to it. Because he knows he likes Kazuaki. Or do we as a fandom call him Hagiwara? I'm not sure on that I just went by what the gaga summary called him for an episode. Please let me know. Anyway. Sei said he started catching feelings.
HE THREW THE PHONE I KILL HIM
GET OFF OF HIM I KILL YOU
SHOOTING LASERS AT HIM
SHOOTING MORE LASERS
Look how red Fujisawa's face is. This is some brilliant lighting work. He is literally red like the devil. Dressed in all black. Pinning Sei down as Sei claws for freedom.
GET OFF OF HIM I WILL RIP YOUR ARMS OFF
Get em baby. Tell him he is the least desirable man on earth.
The purposeful dissonance in the soundtrack right now is truly amazing. (Now I just need these fucking sirens to GO AWAY)
Okay. So I know there's a line to push Fujisawa off a cliff, but what if before anyone pushes him, I go to the bottom and I add some fun little spikes. Just as a treat. For us.
Oh so he just apologizes? I'm gonna stab you with broken glass.
It will take me a minute before I'm able to analyze anything because I am so livid. (I also am angry from something specific at work today so I was already primed for anger and then this fucker)
Hissing
He couldn't if he wanted to. He is a good person. And you are in a bad situation. The second he learns how bad it is, he is never gonna ignore you until he knows you are safe. Until he knows you are free.
HE SEES THE BRUISE. HE KNOWS. HE KNOWS.
Omg I'm gonna cry. The music here. The music. The everything.
No baby boy don't walk away!
What in the homophobia…
If you liked him you would have talked to him. Communicated. If you liked him, you would have set him free. You don't like him. You like the idea of him. And I hope you never find anyone else to trap and make miserable the way you trapped him.
GET HER. READ HER ASS.
Now that Kaori is finally talking to Kazuaki, the framing is different. Before, there was a booth creating a physical barrier between them. Now there is nothing. They are sitting at the same table. Open. Communication. This should have happened SO MUCH EARLIER. Girl. I hate you.
The thing that pisses me off the most about Kaori is that her feelings and her relationship towards sex are completely valid. And she has every right to feel the way she feels. But she never once said anything. She never once told her partner how she was feeling. Even though she knew she was hurting him. She knew he was miserable. But instead of talking to him, she let him suffer. Because she liked him. And she knew an outcome of that talk could have led to them breaking up. And she was so incredibly selfish to never let that happen. She would rather he be miserable and hers than be happy and be free. And that I cannot forgive her for.
And she makes him do the dirty work of breaking up with her. Because she never could do the right thing. Honestly, I think even if she hadn't found out, it would not be long before he broke up with her anyway. He found his happiness elsewhere and he would not be able to live with himself knowing he cheated and knowing he was in love with someone else. Anyway. She should have at least had the decency to be the one to end things because she was not capable of doing it when she should have. AN ENTIRE FUCKING YEAR AGO.
There is something to this show being sandwiched by those two getting coffee. One who wasn't able to get it and one who was kept waiting but did get it eventually.
Also our baby boy is free now! No matter what else happened. He is no longer trapped. He can and will find his happiness. Now he just needs to save Sei.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE'S NO PREVIEW. IS THERE NO PREVIEW? HELP????
I will probably need to sit with this episode for at least a day to process it before the thoughts come flooding out.
I have hatred in my heart.
#when it rains it pours#futtara doshaburi#rae liveblogs#rae liveblogs when it rains it pours#and i didn't mention this in my liveblog but#no umbrellas again???#does this show need to break my heart in every possible way?
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Ok, so there’s this show on Nickelodeon, right?
It’s about a trio of anthropomorphic non-humans…
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/81296680ccb2a8ee3a45d231d94cf04a/54dc870785d3721d-20/s400x600/537acfd41d9875606d7e440052bfb1e46c39026e.jpg)
The members of the trio consist of a gray, lovable doofus who acts as a friend to all living things…
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/aa470f639d0dd14157991d73c68d2cb3/54dc870785d3721d-32/s250x250_c1/ff8a84e8d455342eaa10d6afe43126065c7c56ed.jpg)
…a level-headed wannabe hero who is under the delusion that he is something he’s clearly not (ie: a genius or a member of a clan)…
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/7bfa5f41d0ab9ba17125f2ccdc3e2023/54dc870785d3721d-45/s250x250_c1/34e864f4437a17e01063e7f9bd277f3f3ab71663.jpg)
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…and a raven-haired, selfish jerkwad with an enormous ego and desire to be a part of the in-crowd.
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/18622716cb95c42e42ddb01f6dfa8603/54dc870785d3721d-7f/s250x250_c1/b91c336cb8c8410093381ddda5f85c9306ed4e73.jpg)
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Together they have adventures involving lunar sports…
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/04ae0ddbdac861eb92269b256a011555/54dc870785d3721d-bf/s540x810/33b2bb9029b2c2eec0d176fc1c73458ad6f7d666.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/bf414d191b7d6d04b4e701671967f436/54dc870785d3721d-3e/s540x810/8863b29ca621f892f07630b7aec1998c3f41fe96.jpg)
…bizarre transformations…
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/109b0e258bc5a5367dbc238f23bbdd37/54dc870785d3721d-ce/s500x750/f7cc267e18efa4b3b717a575d16802bc4509a6c1.jpg)
…and a ton of fighting...
like...a lot...
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/072632bf77aa24549e99bcf429368a57/54dc870785d3721d-72/s540x810/24ffcd99a495956d28500e5160ecaec4cff45bf2.jpg)
Other characters on the show include the next-door neighbor whom the level-headed character has a crush on and tries to impress with elaborate lies…
…a perpetual-frowner whom the trio rely on to fix their problems…
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/5d01f8e3588c3fdd1a6e21eb296b7960/54dc870785d3721d-53/s250x250_c1/beafdf44ae7d6e03a0f8443a7c40fdad1a7350d5.webp)
…a group of brothers who act as rivals/bullies to the mains…
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/9c3dfcd76db76d75f4f190a4edc358cb/54dc870785d3721d-4d/s540x810/6e5fef008fdaedf51d8e106aa96fb39936aad37a.jpg)
…Did I mention there’s an awesome car?
There’s also another female character who is badass at everything she does, thus earning the approval of the jerk character…
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/c4832174a225f97ff95c0fe27f12ed3c/54dc870785d3721d-60/s540x810/e89dee8d23bf19dc47987506bc4306a7102ea94a.jpg)
And overall, it's just a ton of fun chocked full of silly chaos and nonsense.
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/24512b36bd4d7b0423a7017b0a696744/54dc870785d3721d-1a/s540x810/5691532181fde02f4c8cf4b9f4ceee203380e06a.webp)
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...Ya'll...these two shows are the same and you can't convince me otherwise...
#rock paper scissors#nick rps#catscratch#nickelodeon#you guys nickelodeon brought back my childhood#i'm so happy right now#think it's safe to say I'm in the fandom now#let's hope it doesn't go down the same path of getting canceled after one season#also I’m late but happy birthday to rock
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What a good day to be here in the Daredevil fandom with all of you and not still in the last fandom I wrote for. 😬
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#every time i think that guy cannot get worse#(after trying to start a new age cult and doing drugs around his kids and making a 45 minute youtube vid AS his character trying to say#that there was a conspiracy against the actor and we should all rise up to defend the actor as the character's friend and even more stuff)#it gets WORSE like holy hell#i'm far enough out of the fandom now that I'm not like SAD I'm more just like '...jesus fucking CHRIST'#but yeah i will not ever be going back to finish those WIPs in that fandom#gonna stay here where it's safe with all of you and charlie who is delightfully normal
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torn between not being able to trust goyim to not be antisemitc anymore unless they really prove me otherwise and going "I guess we'll get along" when they find out I'm Israeli and still treat me like a human being
#like i don't really trust you but as long as we don't talk about politics and i don't follow you outside of discord we should be fine#that being said i don't really use discord as much or make new online friends anymore#because i'm too scared that they will bring up politics or won't treat me like a human being#i mostly use discord to vc with my irl friends now but there are still some online friends i'll talk to once in a while#i'm not very active in fandom spaces anymore because of the antisemitism so ig that's why i don't interact as much#needless to say i do not feel safe online anymore#i don't think being treated with basic human decency on the internet should be a privilege but here we are#it's fucked up but i'm israeli so i don't count and also deserve it#no it's not xenophobic at all what are you talking about. israelis are just all heartless monsters it's ok to bully them into paranoia.#maybe i'd post less about leftist antisemitism if i didn't constantly feel like i have to defend myself and drive leftist antisemites away#maybe i'd post more fandom stuff if i wasn't afraid of drawing attention#gee imagine that#leftist antisemitism#antisemitism#jumblr#israblr#hila has spoken
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how it started:
how it's going:
#jitxt#my stuff#proud owner of This Specific Photo of Kimura Takuya#not to conflate the two bc my enjoyment of yagami and kimutaku are connected but separate#but obviously it would be bs to pretend i would've been interested in smap without playing judgment#truthfully i was eyeing a magazine too but i don't like investing money/shelf space into an interest unless i'm certain it's here to stay#unfortunately kimura takuya is still only a recent interest so. something small like this is fine#though i might have to get a bromide holder to keep him safe... i know there's an aus run business that sells idol goods like that...#anyway uhhhh first picture context for those who might've missed my lore earlier:#is that post-JE pre-LJ. i didn't really care for yagami. lmao.#i saw yagami fans and it seemed like they were having fun but i genuinely didn't understand their affection for him#and so getting through LJ and starting to like yagami i was like WHAT IS GOING ON WITH ME#thinking “lol look at his lame flat ass (affectionate)” and then going “WHAT. WHAT WAS THAT.”#<- girl who realised that she sounded exactly like the yagami fans online#and so i wrestled with it for a while#and bc i was talking in my friend's discord server about my experience with LJ i have this golden screenshot#of the day i finally gave in. pretty sure i'd been looking at pictures of yagami and kimutaku for like an hour beforehand lol#AND MY MESSAGES AFTERWARDS WERE STILL DRIPPING WITH COPE ABOUT IT#said something along the lines of. that i thought they tried way too hard to make yagami seem cool#and then followed it by saying i felt genuinely upset thinking about how i could never be on a date with him#THE DENIAL IS CRAZY... JUST SAY YOU LIKE HIM#anyway i've long accepted my fate but it's still funny to think about#jichan is asked to leave the fandom for needing to play 2 games to start liking yagami#meanwhile my sister's opinion on him hasn't changed at all. “he's alright” <- real quote about yagami from days ago#anyhow that's one of the main reasons i'm playing JE. so i can reevaluate that game with fresh eyes/new perspective#excuse my impromptu storytime. but i guess this whole post is about landmark moments in Jichan Liking Yagami so it's not entirely unfitting#i like yagami takayuki 👍 and now i like kimura takuya too 👍#gave this photo a goodnight kiss last night btw
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I am genuinely upset about Andi! WTF is FSG doing? She's one of the best in the entire league! The pens online presense was top tier but with ITR gone last year, and now Andi, I don't have any idea what their plans are. Please let Jen be safe! I'm sure Andi will find a place. I'm not too worried for her. The Pens media department tho
I really wish her the best in whatever she does next. She was at the helm at the peak of the Pens' social media engagement and prominence, and while that fell off as she ascended the ladder and became a VP/further removed from the day-to-day posting, I think she did a ton of good work here.
I'll be very interested in how the department reconfigures in her absence. There seem to be a lot of power vacuums right now, with lots of people with long tenures at the Pens departing. Part of me hopes there's a chance for young blood; other teams have been doing more innovative, more curious, and more creative stuff in terms of their media. While losing legacy employees is a loss, I can only hope that there's an infusion of youthful, out-of-the-box thinking coming our team's way. It's the best we can hope for.
#I'd be galled if jen were let go frankly. like sure no one is too high up to be safe w/e but she is HIGH UP#and she's very ingratiated w/ the players (think about geno's “I want to go home jen” lol)#while I don't doubt andi was a familiar face to them I think they rely on jen a *lot*.#I think about her interview she did where she said she thought of some of them (kris/sid/g) as her kids lol#but also I thought andi was safe when I read the announcement today so clearly this is all conjecture and I don't claim to KNOW anything#I think our media has been falling behind in the past several years admittedly.#it's hard because I *did* join the fandom when the team was at its peak and I think that makes media/fan engagement easier. you're a winner#but I think it's just a matter of fact that we are not as cutting edge as we once were on our socials#the loss of ITR blows and I'm still mad at FSG for that#but I think they have a chance now to prove they care about getting back to innovation. I don't know that I trust them to execute it though#also I don't want this to be a critique of andi. especially when she's freshly off of losing her role.#this is more about the org itself needing to refocus on being innovative.#they've been a bit too comfortable in a lot of aspects in the past few years. having been to more arenas now and seeing more teams do thing#I have found it easy to say it feels like other teams/orgs are TRYING harder.#seattle puts on a show every game. their in-arena partners are cool. they have live music before every game. they have a freakin' drum line#y'know? pittsburgh had.... a really annoying train airhorn this season that they abandoned halfway through lol#the spirit of innovation has been gone for a few years now. if this gets it back... well we'll all be lucky IF that happens.
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Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Original Work
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Original Female Character(s) & Original Male Character(s)
Characters: Tess Meijer (Original Female Character), Original Female Character(s), Original Male Character(s)
Additional Tags: Childhood Friends, Fluff, Pre-Canon
Series: Part 1 of Holos Killed the Internet Star
Summary:
“Y’know, Tess,” Robert said, lying on the couch with a disinterested look in his eyes. “You don’t have to buy every single thingamajig that FAS farts out just ‘cause Lis works there now. It’s getting kinda… cult-ish.”
#this new tess lore definitely says something about fross but i'm too tired to think about it right now. good night. snork mimimimimimi#ao3#deni's fics#deni's stuff#oc tag#oc: tess meijer#oc: robert sobeck#if you're wondering why she's tagged and he isn't it's because i didn't want to clog the fandom tags with this one#since i don't think it has enough elements from canon to be of interest to people browsing that tag#and his tag's parent tag is the horizon tag so if i tagged him the fic would show up where i don't want it to....#her tag's parent tag is original work tho so she's safe to tag 👍#hzd#horizon oc#horizon au
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It's a bit funny that to parts of my circles I'm 'the fandom one'/'the fanfic one'/'the shipping one' as the person they know most prominently into such things
because as much as i love writing my fics and shipping my ships my interest in both of those things is, I think, very narrow and specific compared to most people who are into them? due to my habits being like. very particular
#i think some ppl think of me as ahh my buddy who is always reading fanfic and i'm like. look. i would LIKE to be that. but i'm not#it's comically difficult to get me to sit down and read a new fanfic. for no discernable reason#the fandoms i like to read for don't even have big fic scenes but i've still checked out such a narrow portion of them#(and these fandoms are like. just a few. leaving aside MiA's dead tag. LOGH + T&B + Vorkosigan + ...anything else here would be a lie)#(Queen's Thief + Temeraire + TMA are on the backburner rn for reading fic but they were faves before yet i read SO little of what existed)#(everything else i just check out very occasionally or when directly recc'd)#i think mmmaaaybe 'my buddy who reads tons of fic' would be the case if there were new fics about the sages coming out every day#they're sort of a unique hyperfixation for me lol#but there are NOT. instead there are ((checks))#four (4) english language belavue fics on AO3 that are not by me#AND two of them i would say do not actually have any ship content and were likely just tagged that to be safe#as far as non ship content there are ((checks again)) 21 English language fics tagged with Belaf and I wrote 13 of them ........#(and 17 for Vueko and i wrote 10. two of the others barely mention her and shouldn’t be tagged lol) …guys i'm starving............#ok you read to the bottom of the tags you get to hear a selfish wish#i kind of hope that someday...someone will...write some fic about the sages either because of me or for me#gen or ship it doesnt matter#but this kind of thing usually happens in AO3 exchanges though and there aren't ones in this fandom because the fic scene is so miniscule#i'm literally running one right now off AO3 but have a feeling it will end up being mostly art and also didn't put myself in as a requester#since the people participating have largely made stuff for me as gifts before and i have a glut of lovely work from them#and again that exchange will mostly end up being art i feel and not fic. but some other time... i still wish ... more fic... pleae..plaeabs#there are very specific reasons i don't want to host an MiA fic exchange through AO3. i can guess the kind of stuff some people will reques#(the kind of stuff that's already in the tag.) and it's not stuff i feel like moderating an exchange involving >_> so i won't#but god.. ... ..... someday......i hope....there can be an exchange where i ask for somethinga bout these people.............
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No fr, I saw Hazbin fans on TT who ACTUALLY THOUGHT Alastor's last name was "Altruist". Like. They didn't comprehend it was a word he was mockingly attaching to his name after his performance in the finale.
oh my good god. once again i say, the media literacy (and possibly literacy, period) is buried beneath the ground like...that’s actually concerning. unless they were young teenagers who just didn’t know what the word meant,, tho idk if young teenagers should necessarily be watching hazbin but that’s a different conversation for a different time.
#in my short time in the hazbin fandom i have seem some really wild takes and interpretations#and most of them are just straight up wrong. like;;; not the interpretations or the personal opinions—everyone is allowed to have those ofc#and that's valid.#but i mean like saying stuff that is FACTUALLY wrong#because you know;; there's the facts of the text itself and then there's the bits left up to the viewer's interpretation#but anyway#i'm not gonna get into that hahaha#i just rly do think the inability to close read and the lack of analytical skills is very concerning#you *should be* taught how to close read in high school literature classes#i'm not american so i don't know just how awful their school system currently is#but i know that when i was in high school we were taught how to close read and pull apart nuance and subtext and form our own opinions base#on that; on the material itself. and how to argue and back up our points#not that anyone necessarily needs anything THAT SERIOUS in fandom but like just the general skill of close reading#the fact that so many people lack it is justttttt a lil scary idk#i'm rambling now i've been having this conversation with several friends over the past week#it's just baffling#ANYYYYYWAYYY#hope ur having a great friday anon!!! <3#pls enjoy ur weekend and stay safe c: love u lots!#inky.bb#clari gets mail
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and today in "why is fandom so antisemitic" just blocked two more followers in my sideblog, which makes it about 10 of what would have been almost 35 followers over a couple months. because the "all israelis are evil" bs is really big in mcyt circles.
also haven't watched the new season of hc because I don't want to touch the fandom anymore and enjoying things alone isn't as fun when you know there's a fandom. but also the fandom is full of people that wish I was dead so I dont want to be there either. which means right now the only things in my life are the jewish bloggers I follow (love yall) and doing daily challenges in microsoft solitaire. and university ig but it's the weekend and Im trying not to think about my homework rn
also gave up and made a "btw Im israeli plz stop following me if u want me dead" post on the sideblog. hope it works ig.
#its also wild bc I do fandom art on that blog and people love it#even my dad thought it was awesome enough to commission me for his own work stuff once! thats awesome#I got paid for the art I did for him with a merch hoodie from the fandom#and I love it and I love the art I did and I love the original content its based on.#but I cant even watch the new season without thinking about how I want to liveblog but cant because liveblogging attracts attention#and fandom attention scares me now. half a year ago I worked nonstop to get any amount of positive attention in the fandom#I stopped family dinners to watch new episodes and liveblog half an hour after the sessions were out to get people to see my posts#and now. I want none of that#a month or so ago I joined the community discord. the people were so nice to me#and then I went to the vent channel. bc someone mentioned there's i/p stuff in there. its all anti-israel#to the point I felt uncomfortable staying there despite never saying a word about where I'm from beforehand. almost felt unsafe to be there#just... that fandom prides itself on trying so hard to be wholesome and safe after the dsmp fandom ended up so toxic#and here they are wishing I was never born#because I never would have been born if not for this country. my grandparents on my dads side met in the resistance against the british#my parents met at uni. they never wouldve met if not for this country#I wouldnt be alive if not for this country and while I dont like the government I love this country so much#Im just so sad#ישראבלר
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Whatever you do, avoid the anti side of Twitter at all costs.
#like ok i feel like i'm more on the conservative side of proship/anti censorship#me personally i'm anti age gap for anyone except for myself#but my god those people sound like no fun#this is coming from an anxious agoraphobe#can't believe there are people who actually think that a 1 yr “age gap” between teens is “predatory”#imo i'd say don't take these opinions too seriously#it's most likely coming from teens who get the Ick™️ from people who are like. a month younger (unrelated to anti nonsense it is a thing fo#some people)#but there's a difference between getting the Ick and like. feeling guilty for liking someone just a few years younger....#which is unfortunately becoming a thing as some antis enter the age of majority#pro ship safe#antis dni#maybe this time i actually poked a hornets nest#it really wouldn't be that hard to dox me#anywho i've very incoherent right now i want to go to bed#fandom discourse#uchiha-gaeshi's hot takes#really though i don't think i have many hot takes for tumblr#uchiha-gaeshi ramblings#txt
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#do you ever get the feeling you are influencing people but like in subtext somehow?#like this is the second time just this year where like#i have been ranting and rambling about something in the tags of related posts on here#only to like a few days or weeks later start seeing posts with my 'talking points' show up on my dash#but like filtered from other parts of the internet where i don't go?#and involving such disparate topics and contexts to where i'm like: am i just somehow aggregating#the general direction things are going out if random tumblr posts and thin air via idk intuition?#because i swear these are not points i'd seen put forward elsewhere that i brought up as tags#this was stuff i was feeling ranty about and wanted to get off my chest#one was fandom related: i started yelling about getting jimin on the radio back in the spring#then his slbum hits and while the song releasing to radio only makes sense actually#the fandom push for it and the sudden renewed interest in guiding fans to request and push for radio play were ?????#and then this thing with the campaign about it's okay to lie about your vote#like that stuff obviously has to have been in the works for a while to get made and released#but i hadn't seen anything at all about it before a week or so ago and the tag rant on a random political post about#how people who say they're not voting for a reason are the same as people who don't vote out of laziness or not caring#which devolved into a ramble about just vote and say you didn't then if all that matters to you is performative image#because no one is going to see your vote no one will know how you voted#you can just lie#and now i keep seeing post after post about the campaign embracing this concept#and the outrage about *that* and it HAS to be confirmation bias but it really feels#like i whispered my tags into the ear of some staffer and they said yeah that's a good point#we should remind people they can vote however they really feel and then just say whatever#they think mskes them look good or will keep them safe because in the end only the vote matters#at the end of the day#weird weird feeling but probably just somehow sensing some ways the wind is about to change right?#the pricking of the thumbs#man anonymity really is a concept thst people are increasingly unfamiliar with if we have reassure people like this huh
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I wanna talk about The Angel Who Would Be Crowley.
Because I had a certain set of expectations, which got thoroughly trashed in the first five minutes of S2, and my genuine response is, "Oh, fuck, yup. You're right. That's WAY better."
Looking around at GO fandom, I'm not alone in this. So let's talk about it.
Basically, a lot of people (myself included) believed that he was a high-ranking angel, and therefore as chilly and remote as every other powerful angel we'd seen at that point. We pictured Crowley-To-Be as long-haired, regal and imposing --and the fanart at the time reflected this. I'd link some if Tumblr didn't hate links.
Something like this:
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/c035b8d8acf4fe20d299ed19f329fd73/a8f3af387adfad93-0c/s540x810/fd92ba25c5a369a2c11ec819e9200bbeaeb11f24.jpg)
We were collectively drawing on a few things --mostly, Crawly's appearance and general bearing in the Biblical scenes of S1--
--But also scattered hints of his importance, backed up by conspicuous absences in Heaven and a few profound displays of power. That's all better covered elsewhere, so I won't reiterate the arguments here. All I'm saying is: I think our headcanons were justified.
But it turns out he was this:
!!!
With his curly little--!!
And his neat white--!!
IT TURNS OUT, he was an angel who squeaked and squealed when he was happy; who flailed his arms around and made explosion noises with his mouth to explain nebulas; who preened when told his stars were pretty. Furfur, who knew him before the Fall, says:
"You used to jump on me back, little monkey in a waistcoat..."
(The use of a diminutive there, 'little'...oh, that fascinates me.)
In a pretty huge subversion of expectations, we're given these glimpses of an angel who was sweet, and joyful, and heart-meltingly silly.
In sum...an innocent.
(Perhaps innocent to a troubling degree.
We see how he troubles Aziraphale, during their first conversation. He starts looking around and behind them, checking to make sure that no one can HEAR the blithe and reckless things coming out of this angel's mouth. This angel who talks like he's never been reprimanded in his life; like it's never occurred to him that anyone would want to hurt him.
Before the Beginning, Aziraphale understood Heaven better than he did. The danger is plainly occurring to Aziraphale.)
So now, we the viewers are in on a cruel joke that Aziraphale has known all along, which is that this --THIS-- is the angel who--
*checks notes*
--did a million lightyear freestyle dive into a boiling pool of sulphur. For asking questions.
...Imagine you are Aziraphale, and everything inside you wants to believe Heaven are the Good Guys, and God is Good and Everything She does is capital-R Right...and now try to reconcile that. Keep trying. I don't think he ever totally managed it in 6000 years.
All this gets further complicated when we learn that, despite all of the above, we were still right. That sweet excitable babby up there?
He WAS a powerful and high-ranking angel.
That much is explicitly confirmed, with significant evidence that he could have been among the mightiest of archangels...
...Who apparently accosted his fellow angels for piggyback rides. And was remembered millennia later by those (now fallen) angels as something 'little.'
What does that tell us about who he was? Is?
Hell, Aziraphale has known to be wary of the archangels (and the judgements of Heaven in general) since before the Fall even happened. He chooses to believe they are Good; he can't fool himself into thinking they are Safe.
Yet he's absolutely certain that Crowley won't hurt Job's children. Enough to stand in a burning building and say to them, "I can't save you, but don't be afraid. I won't need to."
And what reason does he give?
("I know you."
"You do not know me."
"I know the angel you were.")
What does that tell us about who he was? Is?
("The angel you knew is not me."
But how is Aziraphale supposed to believe that, when he can see him all the time?)
tl;dr --yes, this is better. I love the tragedy of it.
'Innocence died screaming' and all that.
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Don’t have time to elaborate on this at the mo, (ETA apparently I did in the tags) but it’s starting to get really weird how much people want to equate early 90s homophobic edginess made by straight people with queerness as we understand it today.
#i know everything is super interpretable and fluid now but it wasn't back then#that's why straight people felt safe doing this stuff#not even just straight people but it came from mainstream straight culture#i think this is why i often find fandom uncomfortable#like i decided to dip my toe into listening to gwar after seeing them live on tuesday which was a fucking blast#their live shows man everyone should see at least one#but their back catalogue is vast and varied in quality#so i played skumdogs of the universe and it was probably the most enjoyable sound i had heard in the selection i tried from a playlisyt#but it's also speckled with casual homophobia and racism#as was normal when people did shock jock shit in the early 90s#i was telling my bf that i would describe it as not as bad as it could have been for the time i guess#the marshall mathers lp came out years later and is CONSIDERABLY more homophobic while going for a similar tone#and is still regarded as a classic record#anyway now i go on tumblr looking for gwar stuff to reblog and i'm finding people saying actually gwar is queer???#like.....no it's not!!#this is why i try to not get into bands with characters fuckin hell#becuase they get fandoms and fandoms are just like this and i hate it#gwar get a pass by me because they put far more efffort into the spectacle of the show than building their lore#but there is no way in hell i'm ever learning the lore of the gorilaz or something fuck off#i ranted but honestly i don't want to take away anyone's thing like if you really believe that gwar is the essence of queerness#i'm glad for you but for me it's super patriarchal metal shit that's fun in small-medium doses
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Just fair warning- I said on my personal post about this that I wasn't going to talk about Neil Gaiman anymore, but as it's becoming clear that him and his publishers and anyone else who makes money off of him is circling the wagons and trying to bury these allegations, as well as some fans still defending and trying to 'rationalize' this information, I feel like, actually, we need to keep talking about him (as much as I cannot stand him and feel physically disgusted now when I so much as see his face somewhere). Specifically, the fact that he's a liar, master manipulator and should not, under any circumstances, be given access to his fans like he has in the past. At the very least. (And if you need to blacklist his name or even unfollow me so as to not be triggered, I completely understand, but I will always try to tag these posts accordingly and I think it's crucial right now that the truth be put where people can see)
This post specifically is in response to those 'rationalizations' I've seen, some that have gone as far as to blame the young fans/groupies that hooked up with him for being 'golddiggers' or just making a mountain out of a molehill for something they now regret. It's not that simple, yall. (And, again, this requires some amount of completely ignoring the story about him extorting his tenant for sex under threat of eviction of her and her three young children, I'm not sure how you 'rationalize' that under the best of circumstances)
So let's be clear here. What we know is that NG has routinely, for possibly an upwards of 30 years, pulled sexual 'partners' from his fan groups, most of whom are 18-22 year old young women (though possibly younger, accounts are coming forward of 16 year olds having allegedly been inappropriately touched/flirted/propositioned by him, which ig is the age of consent in the UK but still?? 16 year olds!!). This wasn't one or two times in the course of three decades, this was a constant pattern of behavior for him and for a very insidious reason.
This isn't to try to infantilize those fans or young women/young people in general or try to suggest that they couldn't have consented to sex with an older person or famous person. In fact, the onus isn't on them at all. This is about an older guy with a lot of fame, power and wealth choosing to sleep with people that he had already conditioned to idolize him and using that power imbalance to coerce them into doing things they didn't want to.
Regardless of one's age or gender identity, it can be difficult to impossible to say 'no' to someone like that. After all, you've been 'chosen' by the chosen one, you're special and not like everyone else, and if you don't do what the popular person everyone trusts is telling you to do you could end up ostracized. Alienated. Or worse. And you know what? Gaiman knew that! He knew it when he was crafting his 'approachable dad' persona on tumblr. He knew it when he was cultivating a fandom of personality. He knew it when he was having huge meetups to try to ensnare more victims. I hate to even think it, but I'm starting to believe he knew it when he was writing children's books too.
It's been talked about again and again in separate issues, but needless to say something not being strictly illegal does not make it inherently, morally okay. It does not erase the fact that this man has been essentially grooming his fandom to feel safe meeting/speaking with him so he can coerce those he can snare into sexual acts they're not comfortable with. That is predator behavior, whether strictly 'illegal' in the eyes of a court or not (but ofc I think he should be criminally punished even if I'm not naive enough to think he actually will be, because this IS rape and rape should be criminally punished)
I'm not personally advocating for anyone to give up being in his related fandoms, but what I am personally advocating for is that people don't forget who he is and what he's capable of, especially when he tries to crawl back to where he was (I'm almost certain he will eventually, as I've said).
Again, at the very least, we need to use what little influence we do have to keep him from infiltrating fan spaces again. He should not be on tumblr yukking it up with young people, he should not be at public appearances hitting on teenagers, he should not be given the unrestricted access to fans that he's 'enjoyed' for the past 30+ years because he is not a safe person. While I wish there was more in the way of restorative justice that could be done, I think at very, very least we should do what we can to limit his proximity to people he could hurt in the future. Make sure no one forgets, because sweeping this under the rug means Gaiman gets to hurt more people.
Lastly, no one is the wrong for having been manipulated by him. Let's make that very clear. What we're NOT gonna do is blame ourselves, each other, the victims, etc, for evil acts that Gaiman chose to do himself, time and time and time again. It doesn't help the situation and it certainly doesn't protect future potential victims. We were all duped because we're human and we attach and a lot of us want to believe there are good people out there, particularly those who make art that means so much to us.
And there are. But let's also use this a teaching/learning tool about how much faith we place in famous people in the future, regardless of how 'approachable' and 'safe' they might seem. Let's remember to have a healthy suspicion of creators/famous people that are oddly immersed in fandom spaces- yes, even the ones you still currently like that seem fine, as difficult as that may seem.
At the end of the day, we don't know them or what they're capable of doing or what they might be plotting to do to us. Support victims. Amplify their voices. Don't forget.
#neil gaiman#tw neil gaiman#tw sa#tw victim blaming#neil gaiman allegations#ya actually im not gonna shut up about this#bc that's exactly what he wants#fuck off into the sun forever
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