#think i am Finally (after like a decade of wanting one) im gonna get a binder

[bonefall]

Is there beef with the Holstein cows and you or what was that joke lol

It's kind of wild It's just never come up on this blog before, but I HATE holsteins. Bottom 10 cow breeds for me. I hate how they're so common they account for the majority of milk produced. I hate that they're the "default" cow to the point where some don't even know cattle HAVE other colors. I hate their tiny horns (IF THEY EVEN HAVE THAT. LOSER ASS HORNLESS COW) and their painfully massive udders.

Legit I'm trying so hard to not launch into a No Mouth Must Scream style AM speech-- shoot my hand slipped.

(AM speech about why i dont like holsteins below the cut)

For starters, I have to give a brief lesson on what these terms mean; the "Holstein" is the American strain of the "Frisian" breed. Frisians are an ancient breed from Frisia, in the north of what we now consider the Netherlands. Crosses between the breeds are "Holstein-Frisians."

(There’s even more to this but im keeping it as simple as possible. Also one of my friends is Frisian and she is probably going to kill me for describing it like that.)

Historically, livestock was adapted to the environment they lived in. Frisians were bred by the Frisii people for hundreds of years in extremely grass-rich, lush, flat environments. The "polders" of the northern parts of the Netherlands. They're huge and eat a LOT of food.

Traditional Frisians were developed to produce as much meat and milk from a single individual as possible, without compromising the health of the cattle with constant inbreeding to get quick gains. We are talking about a breed that is over 2000 years old. They had the perfect environment to make The Ultimate Food Cow and by god they did it. I can respect that.

So, take that, drag it across an ocean to a place that does NOT have polders, and add the rapid enshittification of capitalism to it. BAM you've got a fucking holstein.

There is ONE goal for "improving" the holstein. Make More Milk. As long as the black and white milkbag leaks enough, nothing else matters. Health? Fertility? Feed ratio? Ability to not die of infection? WHO CARES. MILK LINE GO UP.

Over 90% of holsteins are inbred to start with, because Milk Line Go Up. To the tune of having an average COI of 8%-- where extreme negative effects (think Hapsburgs) start to crop up around 10%

Holstein bulls are aggressive bastards (many dairy bulls are), so no one wants to keep intact males in their herds, meaning most cows are artificially inseminated

Not being limited by the natural lifespan of a living bull means that the same stud can keep having direct offspring for decades after his death

Toystory the bull had 500,000 calves before he died, and hit over 1 million offspring in 2015. That's ONE animal and to put this in perspective, there are 9 million holsteins in the US.

DON'T WORRY IT GETS WORSE

Not only can 99% of holsteins be traced back to just two bulls-- 99% of male holsteins share one of two exact Y chromosomes with those two bulls.

The gene pool is so small that it's equivalent to about 60 individuals. Warrior Cat allegiances are larger than that. That's barely bigger than modern ThunderClan.

"Massive lack of genetic diversity" does not begin to capture the existential dread of this situation. Mark my words, WATCH, when the Bird Flu finally mutates a strain that rips through a mammalian population, it's gonna be in the USA and it's going to be through our dairy cattle.

This is not prophecy or me laying a curse on the land, this is the natural consequence of basing the stability of US milk production on the equivalent of 9 million clones of two classrooms worth of individuals, and then packing them in close quarters

And we don't have to wait for doomsday for the impacts to be apparent on the cattle themelves

Holstein fertility has also dropped by half since the 1960s when the intensive inbreeding really kicked into high gear

Because their whole body is dedicating all of their resources to milk production, they have a notoriously "bony" frame.

Show judges, however, like this because they think that's a very "feminine" look for a 1600 pound ruminant. Very normal thing to think.

Like. I don't know if i can communicate this to people who don't look at cows a lot (it's not quite as obviously dramatic as a pug skull) but here is a comparison of an "ideal" show holstein and an "unselected" holstein from a herd that's been established as a sort of "control group" for what they looked like back in the 1960s;

The way that the artery on the "modern" cow's belly runs to the udder like a big pink worm freaks me out the most ngl

The udder also bulges out from between the back legs

The show cow is so thin

And then compare these both to a Holstein-Frisian cross who leans more on the Frisian side;

Proper weight, developed legs. Its biggest "problem" is actually just the udder shape-- deep udders, which "hang" low like that, aren't optimal for milk-focused breeds because the higher away from the ground the less chance there is of infection. In that department, the "unselected" holstein clearly outclasses the holstein-frisian.

But it probably won't be surprising to hear that the "show holstein," with its massive, swollen udder, is SUPER prone to infections such as mastitis.

But it is also just more prone to getting sick generally

And, to keep up with these insane demands, holsteins need a TON of food. You aren't going to just turn these things out into a pasture and be done with it. Even its ancestor the Frisian needed premium Dutch polder grass to be such a good cow-- crank that up to 11 with these Monuments to Humanity's Hubrice

The Texas Longhorn developed in semi-feral conditions and can eat a bush to become the best thing in a 10 mile radius. The Scottish Highland was iron-forged in upland moors with a steady diet of turf and rain.

Meanwhile if a Holstein has less than 5 homemade meals a day without poland spring bottled water it will die to death.

And the WORST part? You have to use these if you want to make money in dairy farming. It's WAAY too expensive to just run a suboptimal farm. Their milk isn't great, but they sure do make a lot of it.

...so Holsteins and Holstein-Frisians (and other "super efficient" breeds) have absolutely decimated heritage cattle. The American Milking Devon is a deep reddish brown with gorgeous horns and low maintenance; rare. Randall Linebacks are painted with lines of white speckles down the back and can be used for any purpose; critically endangered. The Niata was a pug-faced cow who could fight jaguars; extinct.

And THAT'S what makes me hate them most of all. I LOVE cows, but whenever I see a reference to one, it's a holstein. It's always boring black and white splotches with big pink udders. They're practically synonymous with "cow" when their homogeniety is actually hiding much cooler breeds from you.

Did you know cows can be tiger-striped?

And that England has its own type of longhorn?

Or that cow horns can twist upwards like an antelope?

And that they can have REALLY LONG ears?

And that they can be blue?

And that's not even getting into some of the cows that have gotten a small crumb of attention lately, such as Highlands, Ankole-Watusi, and Texas Longhorns. There's so many cool cows out there! And they're all really different from holsteins! MOST of them are also a lot healthier and produce tastier milk and meat!

TL;DR yeah i don't like holsteins and I like sniping at them. For reasons both legit and petty.

[real-life-cloud]

😰😰

[dollydaisies]

Can I pls request a BTS reaction? They have a crush on their friend who is not a celebrity, so they can't confess to her because of their reputation/job, but they are really close. One day someone from their company revealed a sensitive information about them. So, the members and the company accused her of it because they thought that she was only with them to become famous. They didn't believe her and also told her many hurtful things. But later it was revealed that it was not her but someone else and she was telling the truth. Later they try to reconcile with her and asks her to forgive them but it was too late. Can you please write it as angst?

If it's too specific for you, you don't have to write it. Thank you anyways ☺️☺️

my first ask! thank you so much for sending this! my bts skills may be a tad bit rusty, so i'm sorry if this isn't up to par with your expectations. im doing allll the research i can! some things may be changed up a bit, but i'm trying to stick to your prompt the best that i can!

summary: forbidden love hurts, and it sometimes builds up frustration inside you, which then turns into flipping out on the person you love nonsensically solely because you're overwhelmed. they had to learn to think before they act, and, now, they're suffering from the consequences of their actions.

characters: just to test the waters and see if you like what i'm doing, i am only doing kim namjoon. if you like this, i will continue with the other members i’m comfortable writing! please tell me if i did well or was a lil' off. i'll always take constructive criticism:)

kim namjoon never meant to hurt anyone, but he especially made sure that he would not hurt you. he cares about you so much, to the point where seeing you even slightly sad could mess up his whole day.

you're bts's songwriter and producer, but also their friend. when they make plans, they want to include you, always. even if they go to the beach for a run bts episode, they want YOU to be there after the cameras are off. of course, every single member of the group wants you to be around, but namjoon insists on it. you're his safe place, the person he confides in when times get hard--why wouldn't he want you there?

"are you sure you don't want to come with us on this tour?" namjoon looks at you with full passion in his eyes. he wants you to come with them, even if he won't directly say it. "you know that we will always want you to come with, right?"

that little "we" always gets you every time. sure, you know that it's true, and so does he, but that's not what you want to hear and that's not what he wants to say. you want to hear him say "i want you to come with," but it feels like he refuses to say it. he's only not saying it because it'll make his feelings too real, and he can't deal with the reality that you can never be his.

"ah, i know, joonie... but i need to work on the ideas you all gave me for this next album. it's the final one before you all go on hiatus, so i can't take a break," you respond, playing with your bowl of ramen without eating it. you're the only two in the kitchen, and it's quiet. "i'd love to go, but i just can't afford to right now. you know i'm short on money."

namjoon sighs, but nods. "i understand. it's just gonna be hard to be on tour without you."

you send him a sweet smile, then giggle softly. "you're such a baby, did you know that?"

"it's our little secret, keep it hush."

that wasn't the secret that destroyed everything you've built with him over the past decade, but it was more of a foreshadow. you felt excited at the idea of having a secret with him, but also dread--this is silly, though. you guys have thousands of secrets. you're best friends, and you always have been, so why is your gut telling you to fight or fly?

around a week later, dispatch reports on news that namjoon has never told a soul about--except for you. the moment his brain processes the information told to him by the higher-ups, he immediately gets up from his seat and marches to your usual spot that you linger in.

"get out."

"huh?"

your face is full of pure confusion, a bit like a deer in headlights. sure, you've had your arguments and fights before, but he has never been this harsh off the bat--hell, he was rarely ever truly harsh.

the way his eyes look at you with pure disgust, and the sarcastic laugh he lets out... it feels like you don't know who's standing in front of you. yeah, it's namjoon, but... it's also not.

"i knew you were desperate for money, y/n, but i didn't think you'd be this desperate. if i knew you were like this, i would've fired you sooner."

"namjoon, what the hell are you talking about?" you stand up from your seat, yelling at him a bit. it's obvious you aren't even mad, you're just a mix of confused, scared, and worried.

"you know what i'm talking about, y/n. hell, the rest of the world does as well, since you decided to go to dispatch about it."

he holds up his phone so you can look at the site he pulled up. you scrolled and scrolled in pure shock, confusion, and disgust. "i... namjoon, i did not rat you out to anyone. why would i?"

"people like you only care about money. figure it out, and get out of this dorm."

absolutely stunned, you walk to the door in complete silence, then turn around. he looks a bit lost in thought, then he finally sees you. you, whose eyes are full of tears; you, whose cheeks are red due to how panicked you got from him yelling; and you, who refused to yell at him back even when he disrespected you.

while he was so sure he was right, a pit in his stomach grew larger. he feels like he’s doing something bad, something wrong, and he doesn’t know why.

"i just want to say," you pause for a second, then continued. "if this is the real you, kim namjoon, maybe i should've been the one to expose you after all."

you slam the door.

months have passed, and you work at a local music store. sure, you write songs still, but they're not for anyone else except you. you refused to talk to all of them, talk about all of them, or even think about any of them. in your mind, bts disbanded the second he broke your heart, and your trust. truthfully, it’s unfair, as all the other members have texted you so many times and begged for a response, but you can’t think of them without thinking of him.

the store is completely empty, so you're scrolling through every single social media app you have downloaded brainlessly. the words you're reading are not completely processing in your head at all, they kinda just look like funky shapes.

one title, though, caught your attention.

"kim namjoon talks about trust, compassion, and friendship in recent SEVENTEEN interview."

your jaw clenches, and you slam your phone down. your tears are threatening to come out, but you refuse to let yourself still be hurt by him. he doesn't deserve your time, your tears, your anything. that's, at least, what you keep trying to convince yourself of, anyways.

the bell at the door rings, and you try to regain your composure. you

"welcome to good vibes, home to all of the--"

you freeze. you don't know what to do, what to say, or how to even move. are you supposed to say anything? it's not like he’s saying anything—hell, he has a mask over his face and a hood on his head, but you KNOW it’s him. now, he’s just staring at you blankly. you’re wearing a mask, so maybe there’s a chance—

“y/n,” namjoon softly says your name, and your heart pangs against your chest. it’s a mix of heartbreak, anxiety, and all the leftover love you have for him. ��i was looking for you.”

you’re so nervous, you could burst into tears. you want to hop over your desk and run into his arms and tell him how much you miss him, but also how much you hate him for hurting you so much. why do you still love a man that said such unforgivable words?

“why?” your words were a bit breathy, and you began to chuckle a bit while shaking your head. “there’s nothing left to say—unless, y’know, you’re gonna tell me all i care about is money again because i have a job.”

“i’m sorry,” namjoon sighs, then walks to you. the desk separates you, but you wish you could fall into his arms. you keep your composure all the same, though.

“that day, i was so stressed. it felt as if so many things were happening at once, and to know that a secret that i only told you got out… i felt so much betrayal all at once, i didn’t want to hear you out. if i’m being completely vulnerable, i wanted to go cry,” he let out a small chuckle.

looking at you, your face was completely unreadable. it’s like you were thinking of so many things, but also of nothing at the same time. was he doing well? he doesn’t know. he’s just going with what he feels in his heart.

“in my heart, i knew i should’ve ran back to you and apologized; in my heart, i knew i should’ve heard every single word you said, because you would never lie to me,” namjoon balls his hands into a fists, then looks at you in the eyes, “so i’m sorry it took so long for me to realize that i was wrong.”

the store was tense, and all you could hear is the music playing so softly in the background as you stare at him. he’s trying to read your expression, to see if there’s any bit of leftover love in your eyes, but it just feels cold.

after a minute, you begin to laugh. it’s a full laughing attack, actually, and namjoon just stares. his heart dropped to the bottom of his stomach, because he’s not stupid—he knows this means he’s fucked up.

“what, did you think was a kdrama, namjoon? did you think i was going to hear that apology, jump into your arms, and say, ‘oppa, never hurt me ever again!’ or something?” you say these words while still laughing, and namjoon is still stunned. “what happened for you to come up here and say this to me? based on your new change in personality with… hating poor people and all, i can’t imagine you just woke up one day and did it.”

“we found who actually did it. it was our stylist, sooyoung.”

“so that’s what it took for you to finally realize i was innocent? instead of thinking back ro everything you said to me and how hurt i was, it took them finding out the real person behind the crime for you to realize i was telling the truth?”

you slam your hand on the desk, and your body is trembling. you’re on an adrenaline rush, but you’re also sad, scared, and angry. namjoon notices this and places his hand on yours, like he always used to.

“y/n, you’re shaking, please ca—“

“i don’t give a fuck, namjoon,” you yell, and namjoon is completely frozen. “i’ve known you since you were a trainee, and, yet, you still thought that i was some… freaky gold digger that would sell her friends out for money. do you know how much that hurts? to know that you think i have the potential to be like that?”

namjoon’s eyes begin to tear up, while your eyes have already overflown. your cheeks are entirely red, and you let out a choked sob. your head drops, and you let out a dry chuckle.

“for over a decade, i have been nothing but loyal and true to you; yet, it takes a full-blown investigation for you to realize how you did me wrong,” you then look up at him with no sympathy in your body. “it’s my turn to tell you to get out, namjoon. and, for your sake, never come back. i never want to see you again.”

he hesitates to walk away, and you’re staring at him, emotionless.

“what, are you deaf? get out.”

namjoon finally leaves, walking quickly towards his car, and you fall to your knees. you’re on the cold floor, shaking and crying, as you realize your life will never be the same ever again.

[cardinalcyn]

otona precure rant post

spoilers for otona precure if you give a shit

but tbh i don't really care that much, you're better off not watching it

credit to sagiri asuka on pixiv for this cool art!

anyways uh. go under the cut for salt

bell from otona precure is the most terrible villain i've ever seen in a piece of media. ever. EVER ever. bar none, the worst.

i need to explain what i mean here. see, this isn't a rant about irredeemable "complete monster" type villains. i actually LOVE villains who are just horrible people for the sake of it— not all the time of course, but every so often there's a piece of shit so rancid that you just can't help grinning at the thought of the heroes taking them down. AM. william afton. ridley. pennywise. junko enoshima before DR3 ruined her

bell's not that.

tbh i think i probably would have liked her a lot more if she WERE meant to be irredeemable

the reason why she's so terrible is simple: her evil plan is complete nonsense. it's so brain-dead that if i travelled back to the 1920s to call her an idiot, just so that could actually mean something, it would still be an understatement.

if you've never seen otona precure, here's the story. there's some fuckass city with a bunch of ex-magical girls called precure who are all working ordinary adult jobs now (wasted potential but that's another rant). all of a sudden these weird Shadows start attacking people. now the magical girls have to figure out what the fuck's going on before these abominable CGI turds figure out how to move quickly enough to actually hurt something besides the viewer's eyeballs from beyond the fourth wall

bell is the "brains" behind the shadow attacks, and the one summoning them.

do you want to know why this woman is forcibly turning people into ugly shadow zombies?

because climate change.

no that's not a shitpost.

bell saw what happened to the city decades in the future because of climate change TRAVELLED BACK IN TIME TO THE PAST and instead of warning anyone maybe pulling a luigi or two

"here's how i'm gonna stop climate change," says the extraordinary time-travelling angel who can shapeshift and lives in her own personal pocket dimension. "i'm going to turn everyone in this city into shadow monsters so they stop polluting"

BECAUSE OBVIOUSLY, YOU CAN PREVENT THE SYSTEMATIC DESTRUCTION OF THE ENTIRE PLANET BY CASTING A SPELL ON ONE GODDAMN FUCKING CITY. THAT'LL SOLVE EVERYTHING! SOMEONE GET HER A FUCKING NOBEL PRIZE ALREADY!

as if this wasn't already the most colossally stupid thing in all of anime, bell somehow FAILS TO MENTION ANY OF THIS until there's only one episode left in the season, and spends the rest of the time acting like a generic moustache-twirling big bad evil guy and hiding behind cryptic riddles. SHE CAN READ MINDS. IT'S NOT HARD TO TELL THE MAGICAL GIRL WHO JUST TAUGHT HER ELEMENTARY SCHOOL STUDENTS ABOUT CLIMATE CHANGE IN THE ANIME ITSELF WHAT YOU'RE TRYING TO PULL. instead she's like "i'm going to make you lose your will to fight me oooooooooo i'm so evil"

and when she's finally cornered, explains everything, and all the precures are understandably like "what the fuck??? why did you choose to go about this in the most convoluted stupid way possible", she decides the only way to make them realize how foolish and naive they are (holy projection, batman!) is by MAKING ALL THE SHADOW MONSTERS INTO A FUCKING KAIJU AND SICCING IT ON THEM. the kaiju proceeds to go completely berserk and vaporize everything in its path. like, the buildings just vanish into nothingness from one touch.

AND THEN.

WHEN A TEAM OF LIKE 12 MAGICAL GIRLS, PLUS THE POWER OF FRIENDSHIP OR WHATEVER, IS FINALLY ENOUGH TO KILL THE KAIJU

BELL'S LIKE

"oh."

"shit"

"i guess i fucked up huh"

"okay i'm good now. im gonna go fuck off to my pocket dimension now"

YOU DO NOT GET TO HAVE A LAST-SECOND REDEMPTION ARC AFTER NEARLY BLOWING UP THE PLACE YOU WANTED TO PROTECT OUT OF SELF-RIGHTEOUS STUPIDITY. WHAT THE FUCK TOEI

oh yeah also there's a stinger scene after the entire rest of the show has wrapped up its dogshit excuse for a plot that pretty much implies the shadows are gonna be a permanent problem now.

congratulations, bell.

now they're gonna have to deal with climate change

AND the monsters you conjured from the depths of your nonexistent grey matter

AT THE SAME TIME.

tl;dr local "guardian angel" causes more problems by trying to solve them in the most stupid and short-sighted way imaginable

[casually-salad]

howdy there and welcome to a Cutie Pox Chronicles behind the scenes post!!!!! its gonna be long so im keeping it below the cut, this is skippable but if you want to read it you can!!

SO welcome to the depths... so heres what were going to talk about today - the yukki ponna, some cut content, fine line and some character details, and then some personal stuff! lets get into it

so, as was predicted a couple times, the weather change and disharmony is real important to the story - its been foreshadowed sense chapter one! but theres one clear problem with it and its the shows original frost horse. as i think everyone is aware for decades indigenous people have asked to not take their mythos out of their context (( read more on that here , and here!)). so for CPC i have rewritten them to be based off the Yuki onna, a Japanese yokai! although they work fundamentally the same - they feed off of disharmony and infighting, not only now do they freeze whoever they are around they also kidnap ponies once they are fully frozen! Theyre brought up into the clouds and used to make them more powerful - however they can be stopped in the same way as in the show. here is one of the initial pieces of concept art i did for them - making their bodies look more like a kimono, and i played with giving them black hair too but i didnt like it.

speaking of concept art... there are a LOT of pannels that get cut while im working, this past comic had about 18 pages that i cut down for time and for my sanity, but i share a lot of WIP panels on jayrrators server so i still have some and thought i would share them here, in the read more will be the context and why they were cut!

NOW THIS i am glad i have. when i draw an infected i do make them a ref sheet but i DO NOT share or save these because i dont wanna spoil what they look like buuuut this one i did. i actually had one for minty that i was gonna add here, but deleted it accidentally, shown here is orange swirl and globe trotter

but on the topic of showing off some ponies i have one i wanna talk about and its the fine line problem

the question ive gotten the most is who the hell is this and i think its time to talk about who she is. Fine line first shows up in the season one finale, the grand galloping gala, and she then shows up as a canterlot incidental form then on out primarily when theyre at the castle. shes shows up at cadences wedding and gets killed by the smooze (( not really )).

okay we get who she is but WHY. well part of the point of the comic was to give some love to the background ponies like the early fandom i was engrossed with growing up. and to me, she is one of the most background ponies. she has no dialogue, no special moments, but yet she has a very enchanting design! when i first saw her i really became obsessed with her. but she almost wasnt a part of the comic.

when i was choosing ponies it was a throw up between her - orange swirl (( as seen above )), strawberry sunrise, and dan tee dove! i needed a pegasus pony, and someone who wasnt WHITE or eggshell because theres too many of them. but... she fit none of them. she in cannon is a unicorn and white, but after talking it over with some friends and almost choosing orange swirl i just had to go with her.

so i updated her design to what i needed, shes no longer a unicorn or eggshell which makes her look more like an OC but most of the background ponies get a small upgrade to their designs so it just makes sense to me. for personality we only know shes a nanny and was born in manehattan, so i made her have a personality that would work well with kids, and made her older to fit her general vibe. and then i paired her with the only OC in the whole comic who is yougurt! why didnt i use a different calf? well get this, there are NO names i could find!!!! so screw it!!!! baby baby boy!!!!!!!!

but yeah thats the history for finest lineist!

and as requested here is the pronouns for ever character that has plot significance: from now on ill be including it with the characters introduction. although outside of the story i do get more headcannony for them but to keep things simple in the story they generally stick to what they are in cannon! i know i probably forgot some but -

and here we are at the end! this story will be a year old in 2 months, and so as you may guess with a long story like this i am getting very, very burnt out. from here on out im going to be slowing down some. were offically half way there and i have something big planned for 2/20/2025 if i make it there! thanks for reading and sticking around! i also wanted to remind everyone that THIS STORY IS INTERACTIVE!!!!!! you can send asks to some of the characters basically any that are on screen up there. you can also ask to see some things, although it might take me a while to get to it because there is a timeline im working from but you can tell them things!!! please do!

ill see ya around later!

[holyblanchett]

I have mixed feelings about Aubrey Plaza but that’s a discussion I am keeping off your account for both of our sanities sake :) agreed tho, if Lady Death ever returns, i dont think it’ll be Aubrey, unless we do get aaa s2 somehow.

I also agree with you that the casting of Aubrey and Kathryn and the fact they just both did really damn good with their characters and dynamic is the main reason people are so okay with letting Disney get away with lacklustre representation. Hell, they still somehow get flowers for it as if the homosexual tension all season to lead to a single kiss (if at all) to lead to one of them dying storyline isn’t a tale as old as time. It’s not that revolutionary and it plays into doomed Yuri and bury your gays and its just straight up not enough anymore in this day and age. Especially in this day and age. But i said I wouldn’t get political here.

Overall im super happy Wandavision and now AAA have made me notice and get into Kathryn Hahn, she is such a joy and i do love an unproblematic fave to get into, I am but a simple faggot after all.

But, and this is also about fandom culture overall, I do see a surprising lack of productive discussion on AAAs problems. People were really mad and then everyone just shut up and was fine because the showrunner said something about cottagecore on a podcast(or article i am not looking that up rn lol).

When we could very well be like No Jac, they didn’t actually live in a cottage because you didn’t write that in your script when you might as well could have. Own up to that Queen. It’s not 2015 anymore, if your queer rep sucks then you gotta take accountability. We deserve better. Always have.

I dunno, I dont like queers as a money maker in media, even tho its actually such an interesting topic too, i could go on forever (clearly). Look guys were so woke! Kind of! A little bit! Don’t look too close and by god, be grateful!

Long Story Short, the more Schaefer tries to sell us this lesbian wives love story epos the less I buy it. Still hoping for season 2 but not optimistic thats actually gonna happen.

Remember kids, Big Corp just wants your money, they dont care about your feeling at the end of the day. Do with that what you will.

- 🐇

Thank you for sparing us both the future discourse her fans are insane lmao. At the time, it honestly felt like I was the only one upset after the episode aired. If you followed me during that time -- I apologize, I think my crash out lasted like three days 😭 I still refuse to rewatch the show because of the way Jac/Marvel treated their relationship. It is by far one of the worst things I've seen in a long time. And before people come for me, yeah you can cry in my comments about censoring all you want. Jac literally said the reason there wasn't more Agathario was because she didn't think people would actually care. So if you're easily triggered, I would suggest you skip this post cus I'm not arguing with yall in the comments today.

Now back to your point. The bury your gays trope, particularly involving wlw ships plays into decades of exploitation of the queer community. Also let's be real, it's such a cliché and for someone that had queer writers (allegedly) on the show idkw no one told her how detrimental and insulting it is. I honestly wouldn't have been as upset if Agatha had died any other way. But killing her while she's essentially vulnerable and in the arms of the woman she has so much unresolved conflict/feelings with is just nasty work. Jac knew Agatha was supposed to die from the beginning. Which means she could have written it any other way. Hell, the final battle should have been against the Salem Seven and I stand by this.

There's going to come a time when playing both sides isn't going to work. I can only hope that in the future Marvel gets with the times and puts more care into their queer ships. It's what we deserve and we shouldn't settle for anything less.

[frogletscribe]

A:FoP Sky Breaker DLC Thoughts...

Alright so i finished the main story of the DLC and have let my thoughts cook for a minute. This is just some of my thoughts/opinions overall. I will have to do a separate post for my more intense thoughts because I managed to actually hit the character limit and I wasn't even halfway through everything (i didn't even know tumblr had one of those and I've been on here for over a decade)

Spoilers for Avatar: Frontiers of Pandora Sky Breaker DLC under the cut.

The opening? Gorgeous. Amazing. Fantastic. Obsessed with the little cut scene of our Sarentu on their Ikran. I am in love. I was really pleasantly surprised to see Kin right off the bat too! Thats my grandpa, i love him! And then walking with the Zakru and getting to hear other NPCs talking was really nice. I loved the banter about So'lek.

Getting into the main games camp was visually very pretty but confusing. I got lost immediately (distracted by the wandering Zakru) and accidently came in from the back? and then proceeded to not be able to find anything or anyone. I kept getting turned around and winding up back with Etuwa and Ka'nat. I did eventually find everyone else but it was a struggle.

Was Eetu only there at the very start??? He was hanging out with So'lek and having a very cute banter and then as everything progress he completely disappeared. Sosul too for that matter. It made me a little worried when he wasn't there after a while bc it felt like almost all the other key npcs got at least a small cameo in other quests but not Eetu? I got paranoid he died but also i think hes an important enough NPC that someone else would have said something if that was the case. I guess i just wanted more of him in general. (Im biased/delusional and ship him with my Sarentu, i will take literally anything)

Theres also a smaller moment, walking around where Teylan calls and starts talking about Nor, about how he would have loved the games, that really got me. For a second i actually thought Nor might come back later in the story, but given how things went it makes sense that he wouldnt. I do really hope that Nor shows up in the next DLC because I really need closure for him. He deserves to see and be a part of what his fellow Sarentu are building and to heal from all the hurt he has been through.

Can the Zeswa PLEASE catch a break? 😭 First the arches are collapsed, then Pasuk, now this?? I need this to be the last big bad thing that happens to them for a while.

More So'lek all the time please! I love him. I loved his role in the over all story and how he helps us throughout the final mission. He is the reason i am desperate for a romance in this game, but i can't have that so i'll just have to write it myself fhdjskghfs

I will be making a separate post about my thoughts on everything with Alma and Mokasa.

With the last of TAP (more or less) gone now, I'm really curious about the next DLC and the general future of Frontiers. Secrets of the Spires comes out in Fall, which is rapidly approaching, but i doubt we will hear anything until like September at the earliest. I think I remember hearing about a new clan in the new area for that one?? (Could be wrong though) Im really curious what the plot for that one is gonna be now that Mercer and Harding are gone.

Hopefully we will see Nor again. I'm kinda also hoping for a movie cameo? like Norm or Max showing up? We got an audio cameo of Ardmore, i think it'd be cool to see some friendly faces or at least audio for one of those guys. I don't think we will get a Jake cameo but i would lose my mind if we did lol.

Im also really hoping that theres more content coming in the future? More DLC or comics or something cause AFoP is the only thing keeping me sane when it comes to Avatar Brainrot rn.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for not wanting my mom to have a boyfriend?

I’m not gonna put any current ages down here but my mother is late middle age.

My mom has two kids (me and my sister) from two different fathers. She married her first husband very early in her life and had my sister, and then divorced him. They divorced because they were more friends than lovers, and maintained a good relationship until he got in a car accident and turned to drinking. Since then my sister has cut full communication and I haven’t seen him in years. My moms second marriage was with my father and was nearly a decade later. They divorced shortly after because they wanted different things and my father is very traditional and slightly controlling.

Finally my mother had a third marriage and that one lasted about a decade. I hated him but I tried to not show it. He always gave me bad vibes and I would constantly worry about him hurting me or my mom. During the last few years during they relationship, he became abusive, using my mom for her money. He would go out and drink and wouldn’t be home until 3 am even when he said he was working. He punched a hole in a wall once during an argument, threatened to break my mothers phone, and tried taking her car when they split, despite it being in her name (he called the cops for it).

Now my mom is divorced for the third time. It’s been well over a year since her divorce and she says she won’t remarry at all. However she does want a boyfriend. I don’t trust men that much, and never really have just because of the bad relationship I have had with the ones who were close to me. I also don’t want another parental figure in my life whatsoever. My mom says she just wants someone to love when im living far away and can’t visit her often (im planning to move across the country, but currently I live in the same state). She says I won’t ever have to meet this guy and they won’t get married, but I still detest the idea. I know that he will want to meet me eventually (or my mom will want me to) and I don’t want to hurt his or hers feelings by declining. I also think my mom is a magnet for terrible guys. I don’t want her having another boyfriend because I fear she won’t be able to balance her love for him over me. (Often my mother disregards my feelings about people she likes and tells me to suck It up whenever I hang out with them). I don’t want my mother to be lonely but I don’t want her to have a boyfriend either.

I probably sound like an asshole and even I think I’m being somewhat selfish but i dont want another person in my life like that.

What are these acronyms?

[toxifoxx]

I am now asking about your au

Specifically collins (forgot his first name) (your phone guy)!!!!!!!!!

well i already rambled about him a bit on my post but im sure i can pull out some more lore about him ^_^ (also dw about his first name im still trying to pick a new one for him)

soooo… collins parents were immigrants from southeast asia (still deciding on the specifics there), they moved to america hoping for better opportunities but were still pretty poor there, as his father was the sole provider for the family and couldn't get a very high paying job. even to this day collins is pretty poor and its part of the reason he stays at fredbear's/freddy's, because he struggles to find a better job

this is exacerbated by the fact collins is just not a very social guy, as a kid he was pretty lonely and i think he has a lot of anxiety that's been left unresolved for decades, so he struggles to get interviews or connect with people. people tend to think he's on-edge all the time, and he doesn't have a lot of friends - even his co-workers can only really be considered acquaintances, but they are the closest things to friends that he has. he also feels pretty isolated being a closeted gay man and not reallyyy knowing what to do with that information in rural ass hurricane utah.

he's a lot more capable than he thinks though! he's good with schedules and planning, can solve any problem at the pizzeria pretty easily, so most people generally respect him there. henry likes him cause he's good at what he does and doesn't cause any problems, they dont really go out of their ways to interact with each other but when they do its usually positive. william is, as stated, kind of a dickhead, so he likes to dump extra work or overtime onto collins since he's not gonna complain about it (he hates confrontation). but they do get along sometimes, collins finds his rambling intriguing - though not directly interested in animatronics he is interested in technology, so there's a slight overlap there.

i actually think collins could have an interesting connection with michael post-1983, with william giving him(michael) the cold shoulder and henry not paying much mind to it. maybe trying to reassure mikey it was an accident or at least give him some kinda support, still thinking on that one though. collins also knows jeremy by proxy, and cause jeremy worked at freddy's for a brief time (ahem. we know how that went), i think they were pretty close to being friends ngl

i cant really explain how it came to be but the phone head is a thing here. its a mask collins wears to hide the scars on his face (which he got from an accident with foxy), because he hates being stared at + doesn't want to scare the kids + its actually kind of nice to help with overstimulation. dims the bright lights and loud sounds.

OH and theres also vincent who is obsessed with collins, which collins is rather annoyed by and resistant to at first, but starts to warm up to him after vincent saves his life & finally realizes he needs to tone down the flirting after collins expresses his discomfort. (vincent doesnt show up till fnaf 1 i think, thats when they meet, after collins got attacked :3)

collins is present at fredbear's, fnaf 1, and fnaf 2 - the longest lasting employee out of anyone else who's been hired. what happens to him after that? well… giggles

[thegeminisage]

ok, i'm shifting into zelda mode. i have until friday to finally beat this sucker which i think has actually wound up being a good thing - i was playing less and less of it and less and less often, partly because of time, partly because of brain chemistry, but mostly because i was getting tired of the like. grind. koroks shrines lightroots etc. i don't really want to burn out on totk, so i think if i stop and play pikmin, it will be a nice little break and motivate me to come back to zelda and actually enjoy it instead of just. going through the motions. which is great because i do enjoy this game and i want to remember that i enjoy this game, and also it means i have more of it to enjoy later - at WORST, i will come back for 100% when the inevitable dlc comes out. map fatigue of doing botw twice (nearly 100%ing it the first time, doing it all the way the second time) has been my biggest problem with totk, and it's possible that i will never play either game again (or if i do it will be a very, very, very, VERY long time from now, like at least a decade), so ultimately i'm not mad about stretching it out to make it last longer than just one summer. it's going to be a REALLY long time before we get another zelda. as in, i could very well be in my 40s by then. might as well shorten the wait if i can

anyway the first order of business is to go back and finish the mineru quest. i wanna enjoy actually having her in my party for awhile before i take her to the final boss fight - i should have done it ages ago lol

oh yeah i quit bc of a hinox lol but he was super easy

deeply unfortunate: found several enormous piles of minable rock. which i felt compelled to break all of even though it wasn't fun. the good new is one of them was made of zonaite somaybe soon i can upgrade my battery again

another giant pile of zonaite. im thrilled to have the mats but like...please let me do something else now lol. even mineru's arms have durability. i need my weapons. i've used like 40 bombs. i can't do this with yunobo over and over

also love and light to mineru but she is straight up in my way, and at this point in the game i can't dismiss her. like she wants to be close so she can kneel so i can piggyback and the mech is awesome when im in the mood for it but i am trying to do something. and she makes so many noises also. i think the sages, controlswise, are my least favorite gameplay element of this. they are SO. ANNOYING. i wish there was a limitation where only one could walk around with you at once and the rest were mapped to buttons lol

ok, got it mined. now to the actual spirit temple

aww i like the music here. i like the little lightroot piano cue. i wish i had an actual lightroot lol my hearts have been decimated

little bit worried about this boss.

oh shit i was exploring the arena and fell into the water while riding the mech and now i cant find her?! is she ok......................

oh whew there she is. rip i wanted to go get that big poe...i guess not. i'm sure after the fight i'll be teleported out and even if not it is so much swimming in the dark

oh SHIT evil construct?? DARK MINERU??? why can we have dark mineru but not dark link???

aaaah the old electrified fence arena

i wish i hadnt had to use a rocket to get in here. this fight feels slow and clunky without the benefit of a fan on mineru's back

FOUR ARMS?? OH SHIT WE GOT GENERAL GREIVOUS OVER HERE

GOT HIS ASS

oh my god it's MINERU like it was mineru but now she looks like a person and not a robot

oh god is she gonna give me a CUTSCENE?

like we just got one but am i gonna get another memory

THE

MURAAAAALLLLLLLL

this is breaking so much lore.

NOT THE HYRULE CASTLE THEME

oh a man of great evil here we go show me the boy it's been too long

SCREEEEAM THERE HE LITERALLY IS!!!!!!

oh my god the theme from that very first announcement trailer

THE SHOT FROM THE TRAILERS!!!!!!!

HOLY SHIT ZELDA USING RECALL BABYGIRL YOU ARE SO COOL

YOOOOOOOOO

rauru sealing ganondorf with the fma scar movement. he threw his whole body weight behind that fist 😏

this is gay

IM LOSING MY WHOLE ASS MIND. REMEMBER THIS NAME: LINK. AND THE MAIN THEME STARST PLAYING

AND AT THE BEGINNING. IN THE VERY FIRST CUTSCENE. I REMEMBER SCREAMING OUT LOUD BECAUSE HE RECOGNIZED US. HE REMEMBERED. THE NAME

holy shit. holy shit!!! they literally are just frozen like that just like in my movie pitch <3

ANOTHER cutscene?? i am literally eating

WAHHHH fi's theme

oh im wailing she and mineru love each other so much...neither of them wants to lose the other bc theyve already lost sonia and rauru :(

GOD ZELDA BEING WILLING TO DIE FOR LINK...girl they said you WONT be able to change back ik bc of spoilers that she does but AAAAAA

idk why all the zonai are so long and wiggly. like kaminoans. i don't like it

"even if my body should perish i will be with you in spirit" zelda about to lose mom #4 :(

oh NICE i have unlocked some cool zonaite shopping options...which i refuse to use until i max out my battery, lol

wow. i even got to get those poes

popped out of the spirit temple and was able to grab a lightroot. perfect stopping point bc now i have stuff i have to do lol

[thegreatimpersonator]

i know it’s a heavy topic, so if you want to delete this ask, i understand.

i’ve always been pro-palestine. i’m a jewish person living in america and when i was a young child i thought it was sweet that jewish people had a safe haven in israel after the holocaust. but then i grew up and learned the monstrosities israel committed against the palestinian people for the past seven decades, and am horrified because that’s not what jewish people are supposed to represent.

and then this happened. the hama’s are an organization who’ve stated time and time again that their purpose is to kill jewish people - people like me, and i’m an ocean away. it makes me sick to my stomach. it’s like they’re using the free palestine movement to finally enact this. i feel like they’re not actually doing this for the palestinian people, these innocent people who are going to get killed in retaliation for a bunch of innocent jewish people getting killed. i feel like a lot of people don’t seem to understand that people being pro-jewish ≠ pro-israel and being pro-palestine ≠ pro-hamas. that people are saying “if you don’t chose X side you’re wrong and an awful person etc etc etc” because my heart does go to the jewish people and then i feel guilty because my heart goes out (and has always gone) to the palestinians and i don’t know what to do anymore.

i know you’re only a stranger on the internet, but the one thing i’ve always admired about you is that you’re not afraid to stare your honest opinion and i’m genuinely asking: does thinking/feeling this way make me a bad person?

(and again: feel free to delete this. it’s not a fun subject and i understand if you want to keep your blog more lighthearted and all that)

im gonna answer this because i think its important but with a few disclaimers: i dont really wanna speak about it further than this because like you said it can be very heavy, and also im still very much learning about all the history behind this so take everything i say with a grain of salt

i definitely dont think it makes you a bad person for hurting for the innocent victims that are bound to become a tragic part of this. neither side of this is okay with civilians dying. its a tragedy in itself that it's come to this in the first place. empathy is important in all cases and you being jewish definitely makes these emotions even deeper and more close to your heart, it's perfectly reasonable for you too feel bad for innocent people.

[lightboundpunkz]

picrew used

i don’t have names for these characters but they’re both roughly 80. one of them is every gender, the other is no gender (haven’t decided who is which, i just like the idea of them being an all or nothing couple). they’re both mspec but idk about specific labels

their story is fairly simple. they feel as though they wasted their lives on mundanities and decide to do whatever the fuck they want. they’re 80, who’s gonna stop them? then maybe they kiss kiss fall in love <3

the character on the left was born in the 40s maybe? they realized pretty early on that they were not straight (fell in love with someone of the same sex) (im being vague about genders intentionally cos i don’t wanna reveal anyone’s assigned gender at birth) but it wasn’t until they were roughly in their 30s or 40s that they had gender related thoughts, and about a decade later they finally accepted the fact that they were not cis

the character on the right was also maybe born in the 40s. they married someone of the opposite sex (again, no AGABs here), had a few kids, which led to grandkids, and only after that did they think “huh, i don’t think im cis”. also, only after getting married, they were pretty sure they were gay because they were more attracted to the same sex than their opposite sex spouse. however, one day they met someone of the opposite sex (maybe like,,, a friend of their spouses? idk) and they realized “AM I BISEXUAL???”

and now they’re next door neighbors and they can’t stand each other. but they eventually come to a tentative understanding and decide to go on a journey of some kind together. still ironing out the details but im excited to work on this story!!

[mycomori]

i’m tired and i am wondering why i tried to better myself and finally go to college like i wished i could have a decade ago when ive only spent that time surviving which sucks and i hate ti but in good at enduring what i also am good at though is escapism so obviously the alarm decade has also been filled w substance abuse and self harm and abuse and even more mental issues. and ive spent so long trying to keep my head above water even right now, i haven’t been able to focus on the actual root issues. its always been treating one of my disorders instead of the root causes. like first is was trusting my anorexia and then it was trying to get me to stop being a functional alcoholic since 2020 after getting out of treatment for my ed but having only had it treated physically and not mentally and now i’m just sitting here like what the fuck was all that for but simply keeping me from offing myself if i can’t even engage in the things i thihhht i always wanted because im not the same as i was then and on one and thats very good cause 18 yo me was a hot mess but at least she could function in an academic setting. somehow my confidence in myself has gotten even fucking lower of the years. ang perceived confidence gain has just been getting older ns serving i don’t give a fuck. or not enough of a fuck to worry about. cause i got a focus on survival. this place…this would have been my fucking dream when i was 18. but because of multiple reasons i couldn’t do that then. and i’ve spent the last decade falling behind. and now im in class w a bunch of 18 yos who are so much smarter and more well articulated than i think i ever was even at my most academically proficient because for me it was always about grades because that’s where i placed my self worth. i loved learning but it was drowned out but how low my self esteem was and a desire to prove myself. now that im supposed to be here just to learn for the love fo learning but im almost back on the same place ke as 10 years ago. i don’t know how to do this. it’s the steps i worked for and was denied and the step that’s kept me stuck in confining horrible situations. i don’t know how to do this. and i certainly don’t have the confidence for it. hell i’ve spent the last decade as a barista and yet i left my last cafe job with absolutely no confidence in myself even in making coffee and definitely not in myself as a person. i mean my self worth was already so low but then spending the last ten years in shitty working and personal situations has left me with somehow even less. and so so so much more tired. eternally tired. i don’t have the capacity for this anymore. maybe i’m just burnt out permanently. maybe all those years of never getting a fucking break mentally just fried my circuits. i’m just…broken now. maybe if id had the help i needed when i actually needed it i could have been soemthing more. maybe it’s time to just accept that im too old to do this. ten years was too long. i’m not built for this anymore. maybe i never was. i just like to learn. and i couldn’t rep being a barista or i was definitely gonna off myself sooner or later. i failed to go to college when i needed to and then i failed at every single thing ive ever worked for since. no fucking wonder i have no confidence. and now im gonna face my worst nightmare and fail this thing ive waited for so long. this ultimate thing. and yet ive lived in the real world and i know deep down that my prospects with a degree from this place are probably nothing i cab ever do. because i’m stupid. i keep almost crying at certain points typing this but then it just fades away because ive known all this for so long it’s like the ache fk an old scar. it still hurts but not as much or for as long. maybe i just need to accept that i fucked it. i fucked this life and now all i can do is try to be happy. and as much as i love to learn and wnat to learn and have cool opportunities it feels like that time has long passed for me. i burnt out before age 19. and then the last 9 years following i just tries to survive. and life burnt me out even

more and also fuck since when does timbkr have paragraph limits i guess that’s my sign this has gotten too long but i have really never had anyone to talk to but this void and that hasn’t really changes has it. i feel extra alone but the truth is ive always been alone. maybe if i wasn’t shit would be different. maybe if i had (or acceoted) help things would be different. but i feel like is we very little point in living when i look towards the future. which is sad cause ive felt that way for basically the last decade straight and its only gotten worse. like i know i have depression ive known that for a long time now o guess i never realized how chronic it is because my meds make it so i cab function on a basic level but they don’t change how i file about makes and the world. it seems pointless. the only point is life can be good soemtimes. butit feels overwhelmingly bad. when does it get better? i’ve been waiting for it to get better my whole life and it’s only gotten worse? when is enough?

[post-office-by-the-bay]

Dearest Covey,

Turns out we didn’t get the infection under control (imagine I’m doing the Debby Ryan right here) + cause of my sickle cell I don’t do great with infections but I’m good now (knock on wood) we think it’s because I had a sickle crisis but it’s over now so I dunno 🤷‍♀️ oh well I guess it means I missed my last english review before exam season 😭

I missed my friends party that I think I told you about but my boyfriend said he couldn’t make it either and came and stayed with me cause my dad had work and my older sister was out 🫶🫶 + he brought round his mum’s cooking and GOOD LORD that woman can cook I love her so much (even if I really shouldn’t be eating it 😟 don’t tell my dad or my doctor)

Plus I would like to put my little sister forward as the cutest eight year old ever. When I was home she would legit come into my room like 10 minutes after her bedtime and be ‘sneaky’ so she could talk to me and make sure I was ok and I don’t think I’ve ever cried more. She’s so cute anyway this has been a rant I’m pretty sure you don’t want to hear 😭

Anyway, i thought my couple days away from before was long but Jesus I’ve been gone for like just over a week? maybe 2? Probably about a week. Got loads of your work to catch up on and I will make sure to send a letter complimenting it all because I am SURE it is gonna be amazing (like usual) even though I do not have a scooby where I left off.

I can also vote that Elise and I aren’t the same person but cause she’s using another name I didn’t realise it was her until I sent the letter about having an illness twin and I was like 😨 Rory?? But yeah I’m using a side account so even if you do guess who I am in the anon guessing thing I’ll probably just sign off with my name cause that main blog is OLD and it won’t let me delete it all and it’s cringey as fuck so…

How’s your life been? Hope it’s been as chill as can be and I hope your trip was good! Hope no one else sent in a request and if they did I’m disappointed I missed it 🙁🙁 this is such a long letter but I had so much to catch you up on 🫶 

ALSO IM LOVING THE NEW BLOG??? ITS SO CUTESY AND I HOLD IT SO CLOSE TO MY HEART EVEN THOUGH THIS IS THE FIRST TIME IM SEEING IT AND ITS NOT EVEN MINE 🤭 HAPPY ONE THOUSAND AS WELL!!! YOU DESERVE IT SO MUCH MY LOVE 🫶🫶

Finally, loads and loads and lots and lots of love to make up for when I was gone,

🎞️ <3

(This is such a long letter I am so so so sorry Covey you do not need to read this all 😭 I did try and cut it down I swear)

my stunning film roll anon,

AHHH FIRSTY YOURE SO SWEET OH MY GOODNESS LUV YA POOKS

secondly, im so so sorry about all your medical issues!! I have no way to relate or even begin to understand what your going through but that must suck like legit balls lmao-

also, your little sister seems so so sweet!! I also wanted a sibling to take care of, to talk to, ya know, but my older sister was too busy being older for that. but we chillin now

lifes been chill, ya know how it be. (ive never been more stressed in my whole 18 years of life. monday save me. monday pls kill yourself. monday be OVER already good lord) (i have my ap test and my last band concert ever...MONDAY DIE)

LUV YA MORE HON!! HOPE YOUR HEALTH GOT BETTER IN THE DECADE IT TOOK ME TO RESPOND TO THIS!!

all my love,

covey 𐙚⊹ ࣪ ˖

[crymea-river]

4/26/2024

leap years are for remembering

god sometimes i read the things i used to write on here or even in my old journals and i cringe (for lack of a better word) at how seriously i was taking things. this page is such a time capsule. i love it, im glad ive documented my feelings over the years but it makes me feel… weird. nostalgia is so interesting.

im having a really good and also strange time with (what i assume is) my adult brain. good bc i can trust my judgement better than i have ever been able to; things just make sense in an innate way now, a way that i struggle describe. strange bc i feel like i know myself less than i ever have but also way more than i ever have at the same time ? im the same person i was at 11 and 12 and 13 and 17 and 18 and 22, and its so crazy to me how different all these ages felt but theyre all me. they didnt really go anywhere, theyre all still inside me. i remember being 22 and still feeling relatively connected to my high-school-self but then just 2 years later i felt decades removed from her. and now i feel decades removed from my 22-year-old-self. the way i would reminisce on 2016 in 2020 is how im reminiscing on 2020 now. lol leap years are for remembering, i guess.

ive found myself reverting back to a lot of things i used to do and enjoy in adolescence. lots of silly topical things, like using pantene instead of all these expensive hair products ive tried over the years. i loved the way it made my hair smell back then and it made it so soft and who cares if it coats my hair in silicon or whatever ill just clarify it every few weeks itll be fine. im also finally letting myself enjoy things from back then that i was afraid to fully embrace for fear of being judged. thats a Huge fun part about getting older i’ve noticed, not caring what others think. id have told you back then that i didnt care about that, and on the surface i didnt. but it would get to me to some degree. i think my music taste from back then is a prime example of that (im not gonna elaborate i know what i mean).

i hope im making 11 and 12 and 13 year old me proud. and i want to tell 16 and 17 and 18 AND 19 year old me it gets better, but also to stop taking such trivial things so seriously maybe. life does not revolve around having a boyfriend (or whatever youd call those fuckers from back then). itll happen when its meant to and it will be so worth it. no one knows what they want at those ages. i barely knew what i wanted until it fell into my lap to be honest, and that only happened after i stopped yearning so hard for that shit and began TRULY enjoying my own company (and my friends’ obviously. love them). this is not where i wanted to go with this, i didnt want to talk about men. i think thats what cringes me out so bad about my old posts/entries, theyre allllllll (mostly) about bOyS. which was age appropriate i GUESS but idk it just brought me so much unnecessary stress lol. i learned eventually, and im glad i did so when i did.

all this to say im very happy. and peaceful. and i love the people i have surrounded myself with. i love being in love and i cannot describe in actual english words how thrilled i am that its with will. even 4 years into it.

being 26 is just so strange i think

[koqabear]

Hello, I am here to excitedly rave about Only You Darling and shower you in well-deserved compliments. Anybody else reading this, stop if you haven't read Only You Darling as there will be SPOILERS.

First of all, your writing is brilliant, I wish I could come up with plots like you do. I have so many fics that I start writing and then I don't know how to get from A to B or what should happen next and just give up.

I have read Only You Darling (and also What The Body Wants, the whole concept of that fic >>>) twice now, and I'm sure I'll read it again in the future. My first read was a wild ride, I was so invested, I thought what if it's Yeonjun and Beomgyu but nah, then I when Soobin came into the picture I was sure it was Soobin and then it was Beomjun! Every time I thought i had it figured out, you had me doubting myself. I loved all the twists and turns and the way I was so stressed after everything went down and the reader was living in that house, the imagery that you created was amazing. I have to say that it's the best fic I've read on this site. Hands down. I don't think I've read such a well planned and fleshed out fic in maybe a decade (not to show my age haha), after I was done reading I felt as if I'd just watched a movie. I don't even get through thriller novels, I always get bored with the pacing or the writing, but you had me in the palm of your hand.

I'm sure I have more thoughts, but right now they're just a blurred mess of excitement and awe. Thank you for sharing your work and making me excited about reading fics again. I am slowly making my way through the rest of your stuff, I'm sure I will be back to word-vomit on you about other stories in the future!

HAIIIIII HIHIHI OMG IM SOOOO SORRY I TOOK LITERAL MONTHS TO ANSWER THIS 😭😭😭🙁 i saw it and wanted to make sure that i had time to answer all your points but then i KEPT FORGETTING ABOUT IT 😭😭 but please know that i really appreciate feedback like 🫶🫶🫶 getting a review on oyd always makes me so happy and you really delivered with this 

full response under the cut :]

AHHHHSJDBSKDB BUT THANK U OMG 💔💔 when i first started writing on here i’d neverrrr thought i’d be writing long fics so consistently… even 10k was a huge rare accomplishment to me akzbwkdjs,,, it takes time to really figure out what works and what doesn’t with writing methods but… i wish you the best of luck with all your wips and i’m sure you’ll be able to have a breakthrough someday with any you might be struggling on !!! i believe in you !!!

YOU’VE READ OYD TWICE. Oh… my heart T_T idk but like,, i’ve never really been able to grasp the concept that people actually.. reread my stories. That’s genuinely one of the most flattering things to hear in my opinion bc 😭😭 to hear that i’ve managed to write a fic that’s worth being read again is mind blowing to me algskldgh (also thank you !!! WTBW is forever near and dear to my heart <3)

It’s always so satisfying to hear that my attempts on tricking the readers were successful hehe :3 it was one of the major things i was worried about tbh,,, it took a lot of thinking on how i would introduce soobin’s character and how he would be involved, so im happy to hear that my work paid off ! and imagery was something that i learned was very important while writing oyd; it really makes or breaks a scene, imo. Especially in those final cabin scenes,,, AGH idk im so giddy to have it pointed out tho bc i do put a little extra love and effort into my imagery :3

AWWWWSLDKGHH UGH YOU’RE JUST. im gonna sob. The best fic.. dont say that to me im crazy 😭😭 but aggggh it makes me feel so appreciated and seen to read that you think it’s well planned like :(( i remember how much effort i put into that fic omg… that story is my baby im afraid 

Again, thank you so much for taking the time to write such a sweet review, and im sorry i couldn’t respond to it sooner 😭 comments like these are sooo motivating and validating, i seriously can’t explain how happy it makes me <333