#think about it: Primo thinks people suck

[ficandkaboodle]

Never forget that According to Canon, this guy is technically the extrovert of his siblings

[kissingghouls]

The Emperor (Suck Club IV)

Part Two: The First - (Part One // ao3)

Vampire Primo x Female Reader

Summary: You seek comfort in Primo's old cottage, unaware you aren't alone in the woods. ♥ This chapter directly references events that take place in The Prince, not exactly spoilers but I'm adding a heads up anyway. Tags: NSFW, MDNI, 18+, dual pov, flashbacks, horror themes, vampire violence, violence, blood, (eventual) smut, and more tags on ao3 // 3600ish words div by @gothdaddyissues 🖤

“So…vampires like pizza?”

It might’ve been a stupid question but in that moment it was the only thing you could think to ask. A delivery box with a nondescript logo���some local place, you guessed—sat between you and the much older man. For some reason, he had also set the table for a much fancier meal, complete with the confusing number of silverware.

The odd man simply shrugged as he delicately cut into his pizza with a knife and fork. “I suppose some do, though, I can’t speak for all of us. I just assumed young people still liked pizza.”

“Huh.” You took a bite, chewing thoughtfully as you prepared the next question. “And how many years young are you?”

He cracked a smile, laughing through his nose. “Quite a few, I’m afraid.”

“Like…centuries? Wait—is it rude to ask?”

He smiled softly. “I don’t mind you asking, piccola. Let’s see…” He paused and began to tap on his chin as he added up the years. “Somewhere around 900 years old, give or take. After a certain amount of time, one falls out of the habit of counting.

You sat back, sinking lower in your seat. “You really are him, aren’t you.”

“I told you, cara, I don’t know why anyone would pretend to be me.”

“Primo?” you asked softly, using his name for the first time. “Why did you really do it? Why waste your time saving me?”

He set down his silverware and looked you in the eye. “You reminded me of someone.”

The memory played over and over as you drove down the dark stretch of road. There was no need for street lights along the old highway at the edge of town. People hardly came out this way anymore, opting to use the newer highway to get to the city, but it was still the only direct route to Primo’s charming cottage. He loved to bring you along on afternoon drives, telling you stories about its heyday and pointing out old places of interest as he sped down the desolate strip. It was an artery, he said, a direct line to the beating heart of the city just over the horizon, so busy and full of life as people traveled back and forth. Now it was just a place where bored teenagers went to cause trouble and pretend to summon things in the woods.

As long as they stayed away from the old Emeritus place you didn’t really care what the local heathens got up to.

It used to be calming out here, like wandering down a secret path to some hidden tranquil place. A place only a handful of people knew about and even fewer visited. Now it felt like you were somewhere else, some alternate dimension where the harsh reality of all those abandoned properties made your skin crawl. Those sad, broken buildings looming in the woods waiting—longing—for someone to return. The seemingly magical veil that previously blanketed that strip of highway was gone, leaving only busted windows and sagging roofs to remind you of your own loss.

You’d been avoiding the cottage as much as possible. It might be all you had left of him, but most of the time it felt more like visiting a gravesite than the place he called home. How could it not? You’d mourned there, buried your hopes there and still your offering—your sacrifice—wasn’t enough to bring him back.

You often wondered if he even could come back. Of all the things you’d discussed over the years, this was a contingency neither of you planned for. Whatever the reason, you knew deep down leaving was his only solution and likely one he struggled with immensely. But knowing didn’t make it hurt any less. Knowing didn’t erase the last conversation you had with him.

“Primo?”

“Diavolina,” he responded in the same flat tone.

“Are you in trouble?”

He turned and gave you a reassuring smile. “What trouble could I be in?”

“The worrying kind. I mean, that’s him in there isn’t it? Your brother? With the girl?

“There is no need to worry, cara. It’s under control.”

You laughed angrily. “You’re really not going to tell me anything, are you? After everything—”

“Enough,” he chided. “Acting like a petulant child will not change things.”

“A child? Seriously? Go fuck yourself, Primo,” you spat and started down the pathway.

“Dia, wait—”

“No. Don’t think you can sweet talk your way out of this. Sure, you’re older than me. Fine. But that doesn’t change the fact that you are hiding something from me. And that fucking hurts, Primo. Do you understand that? I don’t care what excuse you have for it. I don’t care if you’re trying to keep me or them safe. A secret like this is a shitty thing to keep from someone close to you—”

“I’m afraid,” he admitted quietly, cutting off your speech. “I am afraid and I have not felt fear like this in a very long time. You can understand that, yes?”

You nodded solemnly.

It stayed with you, haunting every waking moment. No one knew where he went. The brother and the girl tried their best to assure you he was fine, but it was obvious they didn’t know any more than you did. Your relationship with Primo was one thing, but you weren’t about to let two very hungry vampire strangers comfort you about it.

Darkness swallowed everything beyond the reach of your headlights as you finally approached the cottage, the withering exterior appearing sickly under the dull glow. An awful wind whipped around the property, kicking up leaves and dust as you stepped out of the car. The structure groaned under the force of it, as though it might crumble completely with a strong enough gust. It broke your heart to see the cottage this way, this little piece of utopia left to rot on its own.

What would Primo think?

You pushed your way inside and called out to the vampire, unable to break old habits even now. Aside from the occasional creaks and settling sounds, the house remained silent. It smelled of dust and stale air instead of tea or fresh flowers. No one was singing in the cramped kitchen, empty chairs still tucked under the table. You couldn’t bring yourself to focus on the state of things, not tonight anyway. In the morning maybe you’d have the energy to clean up a bit and make a few calls about repairs. But tonight you squeezed through the small hallway between the kitchen and the conservatory and past the rows of shelves lined neatly with bottles older than you. There were a dozen or so unlabeled bottles tucked away in a back corner, a place of high praise reserved for Primo’s most treasured vintage. You plucked one from the shelf before making your way back through the house and up the winding steps to the second floor.

Old photos and paintings lined the walls, a miniature gallery devoted to the time Primo had spent here. Newspaper clippings detailing the opening of his beloved botanical garden and other forgotten success stories of Aurea Valley were placed lovingly in frames beside pressed flowers and keepsakes leading up to the room at the end of the hall. You felt along the wallpaper, searching for the light switch in the dark. The ornate lamp on the bedside table clicked on, filling the room with a dim orange light. Its wiring had been taking apart and soldered back together at least three times since you’d met Primo, but he refused to let the thing go. There were many things like that in the cottage, pieces that had dulled and faded with time but were still just as important or sentimental as they’d always been.

The bedroom was left untouched in his absence, scattered with various items he’d left behind during his great getaway. For months it had hurt too much to face it, but now all you wanted—all you needed was to feel close to him again. You didn’t care if it was pathetic or sad or even insane. You needed the comfort and clarity of his pajamas and the fading scent of his cologne still trapped in the fibers. You needed to be in his bed, in his clothes, with his favorite wine because it was all you had left.

Just for one night, you told yourself and curled up in his blankets like you belonged there. It was technically your house, after all. It didn’t take much for the alcohol and general exhaustion to lull you into a deep sleep filled with sweet memories of your vampire.

“What do you think? Are you afraid, cara?”

“Of you? No,” you replied with a laugh. You paused, tilting your head as you stared at his silly store-bought costume. He had dyed his hair with one of those spray cans of color, turning it into a pitch-black helmet. A cheap one-size-fits-most tuxedo made of mystery fabric hung awkwardly off his shoulders while a massive plastic medallion painted gold held a cape around his neck. “Don’t you think it’s a little…”

“A little…?”

“I don’t know��isn’t Dracula a bit on the nose?”

Primo’s forehead creased as his mouth set in a hard line. “I’m not Dracula, cara.”

“Oh, you’re not doing, like, a Bela Lugosi thing?”

Primo was too busy continuing his rant to answer you. “Dracula was written in 1897, cara. I am a great deal older than Dracula. In fact, I am a great deal older than Vlad Țepeș himself! Older than Vlad Dracul!”

“Ok old man. Then who are you dressed as?

“Ah, eh. Someone much worse,” he offered gravely. “My brother Terzo.”

-x-

Primo’s stomach turned as he approached the cottage. The strange scent that encompassed the Valley only grew stronger the closer he got. Thick and sickly-sweet, the smell was everywhere as though something was marking its territory. Something or someone. It was hardly surprising that his absence would attract another being to this place. Under normal circumstances he might have praised them for being so bold. But here like this, he felt only anger, a deep burning rage toward whoever dared to commit such an unforgivable trespass. After what happened to Secondo and Terzo, this was nothing short of a declaration of war.

He wasn’t going to lose you or his home without one hell of a fight.

His movements were quiet and careful as he crept through the dense underbrush that had sprung up around the property. Whatever was here, whatever supernatural creature decided to follow you here wasn’t particularly interested in covering its tracks along the way. It did, however, remain hidden from view and Primo was too focused on your immediate safety to properly search for the intruder.

The full moon bathed the conservatory in a silvery light, hiding the interior from view. There was almost no light within the cottage, only the soft blue glow of a television shone somewhere on the second floor. He stared up at the window, following the layout of his home in his mind. His bedroom. You were in his bedroom. He closed his eyes, straining to hear your slow, relaxed breaths over the ambient noise of the woods. Inside this place, in this little castle he’d built, you were safe from whatever monsters lurked outside, free to dream of whatever your heart desired. It was oddly comforting to know you were near. That you were safe and healthy in this place. Possibly even happy. Maybe he should have known better than to build his comfort around you, but that’s where it was. That’s where it had been from the day he met you.

There was a time when a year would have meant nothing, gone as quickly as the blink of an eye. But Primo counted the days you were apart. Spent each moment sulking and brooding his way across continents while hiding in the kind of hotels where people didn’t ask too many questions. One day he hoped you would forgive him for leaving without an explanation. If he was honest, he’d spend eternity trying to earn your forgiveness if you asked.

A hopeless old vampire. What a fucking cliché he’d become.

He sighed, directing his focus toward his reflection in the glass. A perfectly normal face stared back at him, eyes bright and sharp. The fine lines he’d quietly developed over his first lifetime, all the little signs of age and worry, every survival badge he earned on his skin had dulled and smoothed over. A healthy glow, some would call it. A skincare routine Bathory would die for. A younger man stood before him, wrinkles replaced by soft skin and a relentless hunger he could barely control. Everything had a price and Fate demanded more than a pound of flesh for saving his brother.

She hadn’t lost her sense of irony, even after a millennia.

The more he fed, the younger he appeared. And when he tried to fight it, Fate filled his mind with horrific visions and turned his blood to fire.

He sighed again, heavily this time and his breath fogged up the glass. He was so deep in his own self-pity he didn’t see it. Didn’t hear a thing as a massive, shadowy figure picked him up and tossed him through the glass wall.

The car rocked gently as he drove, lulling you into a deeper sleep. You’ve really done it this time old man, he thought to himself as the forest squeezed against the road. What the hell was he doing? No. What the hell were you thinking? And just who the hell were you?

“Augh, my head,” you whined from the passenger seat, gripping your hair in your fists. After a beat you realized you were in unfamiliar surroundings with a strange man. You shot backward, body pressed against the door to create as much distance as possible. “What are you doing?”

Primo huffed, never taking his eyes off the road. “I couldn’t exactly leave you in my garden to bleed to death, piccola.”

“If you think you can just drag me somewhere to drain me—”

“I saved your life,” he corrected, raising his voice. “And I cleaned up your little mess.”

“So that means you just get to kidnap me?”

“Would you like me to take you back so you can explain to the local police just what you were doing back there?”

“Not really.”

“A simple thank you would do.”

“Pull over.”

He sighed and brought the car to rest on the shoulder. It took only seconds for you to jump out and begin to stomp your way down the road. “Piccola,” he called after you. “It’s dangerous out here.”

“More dangerous than riding around with a fucking vampire?” you shot back.

He couldn’t help but smile. “Depends on who you ask, I suppose. But you know what I am. Do you think you can outrun me?”

You let out a frustrated scream that echoed through the woods. A flock of birds flew from the trees, screeching back at you for making such a sound.

“I don’t have to outrun you if you don’t chase me.”

“Fair point. Would you like to get back in the car then?”

“Why are you doing this?”

“You needed help. I helped.”

“Really? All I remember is you shoving a bunch of leaves in my mouth before I blacked out. How is that helping me? How is kidnapping me helping? And what the fuck do you care about what happens to me anyway?”

The question stung like salt in an open wound. When he found you there, writhing in pain as you bled out between hastily painted sigils and candles burned down to nothing he had truly only wanted to help. “I—if you need protection so badly you’re willing to risk performing that ritual…”

Your eye narrowed as you stalked toward him. “That’s—”

“I can offer you protection. Greater than anything that ritual has to offer.”

You crossed your arms over your chest. “Why?”

Being evasive did him no favors, so he decided to just be honest with you. “Fate.”

“The fuck does that mean?”

He cast his gaze on the ground, drawing lazy circles in the dirt with his shoe. He sighed under the weight of his confession, preparing himself for any reaction. “It means I wrote that ritual, the one that nearly killed you. I created something in the naïveté of my youth—”

You laughed loudly, doubling over as you clutched your stomach. “That’s—that’s impossible,” you struggled between giggles. “You’d be what? A thousand years old?”

“Not quite.”

You swiped at the tears forming in your eyes, still struggling for breath between each burst of laughter. “You really expect me to believe you’re Primo Emeritus, don’t you?”

“I—I don’t…what exactly do you mean?”

“Half of the vampires out there claim to be Emeritus vampires. Do you think you’re the first?”

His brow furrowed. “I am the First. Why would anyone pretend to be—”

“Oh, not just anyone. Almost everyone.”

-x-

The sound of shattering glass dragged you from alcohol-soaked dreamlike memories. You shot up immediately searching the room for a possible the source of the noise. The window near the bed was still intact, its heavy, dusty drapes mocking you with their stillness. In your semi-conscious state, you realized the sound must have come from downstairs. The conservatory. That entire room would’ve looked like a jackpot for anyone hellbent on breaking glass for a thrill.

You were going to kill those little fuckers. 

Shoving your phone in your pocket, you climbed down from the massive bed and quickly made your way downstairs. As you crossed through the kitchen you flipped every light switch along the way, hoping that maybe the thought that someone lived here would be enough to scare off would be intruders.

 “Hello?” you called out as you reached the threshold of the conservatory. “This is private property asshole.” 

Nothing. You sighed, part in anger and part in relief. Just a couple of kids fucking around in the woods and ruining your perfectly good dreams. You flipped on the light and stepped into a pair of gardening boots before grabbing a broom.

“Jesus,” you muttered as you approached the broken pane. The entire 8-foot panel of glass was in jagged pieces scattered across the floor. “What the fuck did they throw?”

Something stirred behind you, a small, wounded sound followed by a grunt. You traced the noise past the overgrown plants and broken furniture, glass crunching under you boots with each step. Aside the worktable still cluttered with Primo’s last concoction, the figure of a man lay sprawled on the floor, barely moving. The sickening metallic smell of blood assaulted your senses as you took in the sight in front of you. The man was injured, his face dashed with several small cuts as through he’d gone through the window headfirst. It was difficult to tell the extent of the rest of his injuries, but you were sure they were there. He was the object that had broken the window.

Who throws a grown man through a window?

You looked back and forth between the man and the pattern of broken glass along the stone floor.

What throws a grown man through a window?

The man stirred, fingers twitching as he let out a hollow cough. You moved closer, kneeling beside him to get a better look at his face. His features were oddly familiar, blond hair, high cheekbones, and a prominent nose just like—no, it couldn’t be? The man in front of you appeared years younger than your vampire, but the resemblance was so striking, so startling it couldn’t possibly be anyone else.

“Who the hell?” you mumbled to yourself.

He began to cough again, quickly bringing a hand to his mouth to cover it. The action seemed to wake him from his unconscious state and he used the opportunity to slide away from you.

“Hey, it’s ok,” you offered gently.

“No. I—uh—” He looked up, eyes searching yours as he made some vague excuse. But his eyes—

“Primo,” you whispered, staring back into the stark white iris of his left eye. It wasn’t a question or an accusation, just a strange fact being presented to you as plainly as anything else. His face was full and free of the skull shaped paints he loved, but there was no doubt left. This was Primo Emeritus. Your Primo. “How is this possible?”

He winced and those familiar little lines around his eyes deepened like they would in the future—or had in the past. “Diavolina,” he began quietly. “I—”

“What happened to you? Where the hell have you been?”

Guilt flashed across his handsome features. “I was—”

“Nevermind. Let’s get you inside.”

“I can’t. It’s not safe—”

“When is it ever?” you snapped.

Shame now settled on his face, like a scolded child. “I must go, Diavolina. And I will return,” he added quickly. “But it’s not safe. I need to feed.”

Your brow furrowed as you processed what he’d said. There was always an awareness with your vampire; you had never denied what he was or what sustained him, but this was the first time you had ever heard him discuss it in such succinct terms.

“Primo, I don’t understand.”

“I will explain everything,” he managed through a grunt as he pushed himself up. “Everything, tesoro. I promise. Please, just trust me a little while longer.”

You nodded once and the vampire made an impossibly swift exit back through the broken panel. Primo had never made you a promise he didn’t keep.

more stuff by me // comment or DM if you'd like to be added to the taglist ♥

[idkfitememate]

Wait. What if all the creators are in the world at the same time

But

They're just a group of besties irl

Roommates

૮꒰˶ᵔ ᗜ ᵔ˶꒱ა Pairings : All Creators (Boar, Otter, Fox, GPV, Tiger)

૮꒰ྀི∩´ ᵕ `∩꒱ྀིა W.K. : 739

໒꒰ྀིᵔ ᵕ ᵔ ꒱ྀི১ Tags/CW&TW : Fluff ending in a little bit of angst

໒꒰ྀི˶˙Ⱉ˙˶꒱ྀིა Author’s note : I’m gonna call everyone by the first letter of their animal, so: Boar is B, Otter is O, Tiger is T, Fox is F, and Primo is P! ૮꒰˶ᵔ ᗜ ᵔ˶꒱ა˖⁺‧₊˚

(Natlan & Snezhnaya will be included! They will be N & S for now!)

There will be mentions of the term mother but that’s just because I unfortunately couldn’t write a gender neutral term that fit or sounded right! I apologize if this offends or causes any dysphoria! Again, sorry!

“GET BACK HERE YOU BITCH!”

“NO!”

Ah yes, just a normal day in the shared apartment of these five. Each a respective college member for their school.

Not to say they had high grades or anything. They were average!

…At best-

Currently O and B were fighting over who got to use the shared Genshin account next. And when I say shared I mean that it was shared. By everyone. All seven broke college students. Including their friends (and the couple… ew) who lived next door. S and N.

“NO WAY MAN. I CALLED IT THREE DAYS AGO.” O screeched. They tugged on B’s hair as the two rampaged through the apartment.

“FUCK OFF I GOT THERE FIRST!” B screamed back. They shoved a hand in O’s face as they fought back.

“WILL THE TWO OF YOU KINDLY SHUT UP?!”

Both fighters paused as the voice of T rung throughout the small space. They glanced at each other before letting go, dusting the other off.

“Yes mama.”

“Yes ma’am.”

It had become a running joke that T had become they had become the ‘parent’ of the group. And with them being in the kitchen currently with a frilly pink apron that had “kiss the cook” etched on in cursive… yeah they weren’t beating the allegations.

O & B called the mama in joke, so F & P called them papa to balance it out.

N & S were boring so they just called them T.

Party poopers 😒

As O and B grumbled to themselves, P was in the kitchen helping T.

T was watching closely as P used a knife. Last time they held one fifteen people ended up in the hospital and had an F.B.I. investigation on their ass.

Not fun. -10/10 would never recommend.

And F? They were asleep on the couch.

As B & O walked into the main room from T and P’s room (they shared a room so T could keep an eye on them… and also the computer was in there-), they booth looked towards the kitchen…

Before trying to rush out of the dorm.

“Oh no you don’t,” T mused, gripping the backs of each of their collars. “You two are gonna sit down and think about what you just did. You know there’s no fighting in this house.”

They dragged the two back, P looking out from the kitchen area.

As T continued to scold, P spoke up.

“Hey uhm… where is F?” Then they all heard the sound of a computer starting up. Painfully.

They turned to look at each other before the pampered bitch and chaotic asshole rushed out, the parental unit running after and puppy following close behind.

They all found F sitting at the computer, yawning. Glancing at each other, they all stood behind the chair F was seated in, watching them boot up all fives current obsession:

Genshin Impact.

As F typed in the password, B and O quickly started bickering about what the current player should do. T shook their head with a sigh and P egged them on.

“Uhm… is the screen supposed to be glowing this bright?”

Everyone turned their attention to the computer screen to see what F was referring to. And they were right. The screen was glowing oddly bright…

And then they got sucked in.

Everyone screamed. Especially T.

“I THINK I FORGOT TO TURN OFF THE OVENNNNNNNNN-“

… Uh oh.

૮꒰づ˶• ༝ •˶꒱づ ˚ʚ ꒰⁐⁐⁐⁐୨🍩🍧🍭୧⁐⁐⁐⁐꒱ ɞ˚

“Guys?” N called. It had been oddly quiet in their neighbors house, which was an immediate red flag with how lively they were.

Looking back at S, N took out their spare key and giggled the lock open.

Walking in and calling names, S noted that dinned seemed to be half prepared, luckily the stove was off.

The partners continued through the small apartment. Eventually joining back up before T and a P’s room. They looked at each other, shared a kiss and grabbed hands, before walking in.

The computer was on the home screen of Genshin Impact. S took a step forward and clicked enter, maybe just to see where they had left off. If it was in the middle of a mission, then they’d know something was up.

Because no one in this house would ever leave a mission uncleared.

The screen glowed brighter and brighter…

N clutched onto S as the other shielded them.

Seven for seven.

… Nice.

໒꒰ྀི˶˙Ⱉ˙˶꒱ྀིა Author’s note : I hope this lives up to what you were expecting! I thought I’d be funny if they were all broke. Imagine sharing your account with six other people. I don’t know if I could do it guys ໒꒰ྀིっ˕ -｡꒱ྀི১

[lucvly]

can you do chris w a latina gf? i need that sm i’ve been asking everywhere 🙏🏻

— chris with a latina girlfriend hcs! ⸰ 𖥔 ͙

warnings: a little suggestive but nothing too crazy ! not proofread oops

a/n: this was so fun to write ☹️

— loooves it when you teach him how to dance. you taught him how to dance bachata because your tía kept making fun of his ass for not knowing how to dance. at first he Sucked but now he out dances you. + dances salsa better than you ever could.

— knows all of bad bunny and karol g’s discography thanks to you. he can name at least five songs from them from the top of his head.

— family gatherings are always such a rollercoaster with him it’s hilarious. you’ll literally be serving food for him and yourself when all the sudden he’s nowhere to be found ??? guess where he’s at... yeah, playing fortnite with your primos.

— has a really hard time remembering everyone’s names at first, especially your tías and primos.

— is such a cutie HELPP loves learning about your culture, he thinks it makes you way more special.

— if you’re fluent, he asks you to help him with a few spanish lessons just so he can communicate with your family a bit better.

— sometimes you call him spanish pet names and he just completely melts. (“mi amor”, “mi vida”, “cielo”) and he’s on his knees worshipping the ground you walk on.

— he gets along surprisingly well with your parents. overall he’s just easygoing so your mom had always loved him. your dad on the other hand... not so much.

— made a somewhat bad first impression on your dad because he was lowkey nervous ???

— after that terrible first impression with your dad, somehow they started getting along so well at the next family gathering though. your dad is calling him mijo atp like ??? those two would sit and watch soccer together, laughing their ass off and actually being excited about the game– (you and your mom are clueless as to when and how they started bonding).

— after that, whenever you visit their parents they’re always asking about chris.

— this one time, you went to visit your parents without chris because he was on tour with his nick and matt. your dad was so confused as to why he didn’t come with you ??? called chris & everything LMFAOO. you had to remind that man who his real child is 🙄🙄.

— he’ll start catching onto your superstitions subconsciously HELPP. you keep telling him to stop walking under flights of stairs or sweeping over people’s feet because it’s bad luck. at first he’s soo confused but he eventually starts telling his brothers to stop doing it as well because he’s terrified it’ll actually be bad luck.

— he definitely eats those 12 grapes with you at midnight after kissing you idgaf !!

— loves trying traditional dishes !! that man is eating all the empanadas and buñuelos at the family gathering idc,,,

— nick keeps teasing him because of how much he’s listening to bad bunny, daddy yankee, maluma and karol g LMFAOOO.

— +++ he tries singing the lyrics with his whole heart but miserably fails duh, you still think it’s cute how passionate he is about it though.

— he definitely had to get used to hugs and cheek kisses as a way of greeting people.

— this mf always ends up playing fortnite or minecraft with your little cousins.

— he knows how important grand gestures are in your culture so he’s going all out for anything and everything. this man will actually always show up with a bouquet of roses at your door and claim it’s your 1.2 year anniversary or something.

— he loves trying the weird food combinations LMAOO, he’s so surprised at how y’all come up with those combinations but always ends up trying them and loving them. (“who even thought of this?” “just try it amor, oh my god.”) ++ big fan of jelly and condensed milk, chicken and honey + hot chocolate and cheese.

— he finds it so amusing how you’re able to communicate in different languages like How ?? that’s too complicated in his mind– he really does find it captivating.

— i just know he’d be so into novelas. unironically sits down and watches la rosa de guadalupe with you. he thinks the plots are actually insane and he gets such a good laugh out of it. he loooves it.

— he has google translate ready for those rare occasions when you argue and you meaninglessly curse him out in spanish. lowkey finds it sexy bye 😣

— when you two start dating he starts to actually understand spanish, he can’t speak it even if his life depended on it but– this means you really can’t talk to your tías about his ass because he’ll understand every word. (he plays dumb though because he loves hearing you talk about how handsome he is and how much you love him bye)

— half of your family genuinely thinks his name is cristóbal ???

— lord save him from watching you dance old reggaeton. that man is drooling. i’m talking guatauba, candy, te imagino, etc !!! he has to take a deep breath and keep it together despite everything that’s going through his head.

[beesmygod]

As one of the few people who played the base game and Shadow of the Erdtree back to back I'm curious for your take on how the two compare - or an easier version of that take, is there anything you think the dlc improves on (or does worse)

NEGATIVES: the minibosses are genuinely fucking terrible. i dont mean design-wise, the furnace golems are very striking and scary looking. but they suck complete dog ass to fight and are not fun. i don't like the stealth segment lmfao. i play the games to fight things, so having a section where i don't fight things is like....counterintuitive to what makes the game fun. the radahn fight is very bad. i still haven't gone back to it bc i was so ??????? at the whacked out phase 2. additionally, its such bullshit the snake-slaying spear doesn't work with messmer. dude come on. it would have been badass lol. if he gets to do his big snake attacks, i should get to counter with big spear.

AND NO MORE BEARS!!!!! NO MORE BEARS MIYAZAKI

the world also has the breaking bad mexico filter on it which is a bit ugly for my tastes. piss yellow world.

POSITIVES: the new weapons are primo (very fun and VERY WEIRD), the world map is fucking huge for a DLC, most areas are not designed by sociopaths. really, when you play them back to back there's very little that jars you out of the experience or makes you feel like you're playing something that was stapled on at a later date. it's very cohesive. the boss fights, outside of radahn, are really good. i kind of bitched about the mother of fingers fight at the time but its still a striking, extremely weird, and memorable fight.

[razorblade180]

Stage reveal

[Teapot]

Paimon:Three hundred wishes! An indomitable will! One golden hair boy’s determination and not to mention 75 pity! It all happens here!!!

Aether:Nice intro.

Paimon:Felt appropriate. Though it might be anticlimactic if Furina shows up in one go.

Aether:That’s the point! *throws ten wishes*

Golden Meteor!

Keqing:You really think it’s going to be her?

???:HAHAHAHAHA~

Nilou:Judging by that sound…yes.

Aether carefully runs with his arms out until the gold light finally fades and Furina lands squarely in his arms.

Furina:Splendid! Simply splendid! Bravo in participating for my wonderful entrance!

Aether:*mutters* You had no land strategy, did you?

The whimsical girl completely ignores the absolutely true accusations, favoring to stand on her own two feet and greet the gaggle of people who attended this glorious occasion.

Furina:Greetings! I’m-

Everyone:We know.

Ayato:He’s mentioned you.

Nahida:More than that. He’s asked us all to help build you for awhile now.

Aether:She didn’t need to know that.

Lynette:My brother is gathering your flowers as we speak, upon Aether’s request.

Aether:I thought I invited friends, not enemies here.

Furina:Well, well, *turns around* well! It would appear despite your blatant shenanigans towards me, you actually wanted me around? Isn’t that adorable?

Paimon:Big talk coming from someone dedicated to letting people wait. You fell faster than anyone Paimon has seen. Didn’t even entertain the idea of making him “work for it”

Furina:I- I just happened to weigh the options is all! It was impossible for me not to arrive, so why not start off with a bang and allow more time for the real drama to begin!

She dramatically points to the weapon banner vendor. Suddenly, nobody but Nilou and Furina were having a good time. The only thing guaranteed was pain but yet they held join in the idea of things working out. Aether decided not to waste time and started lighting the sky with colors from his wishes.

Yaoyao:…Huh? *holds constellation* That was unexpected.

Keqing:That tends to happen from time to time. Congratulations. That’s your second one.

Kaveh:*holds constellation* What the?

Nilou:(Wow. I really do win today.)

Mika:*holds constellation* Oh wow. I got one too!

Eula:Now get five more.

Aether:(Why is my luck for characters better on here than the standard?)

Golden Meteor!

Kokomi:Heads up. It could be anything.

Furina:Ha! Anything!? The answer is as clear as water. *holds hand out*

The light falls straight down into her hand brilliantly. As it fades, Furina’s own gaze lights up as she brandishes her blade.

Furina:See!? Clear as water! (Oh my gods, that could’ve been sooo embarrassing!)

Everyone:(She’s trembling…)

Aether wastes no time in dumping more wishes until another gold light. Unfortunately …

Jade fall splendor

Baizhu, in the distance:Pull for me now!

Aether:Let’s all pretend that was the wind. *spends more primos*

Jade fall splendor

Bahizhu:Puuullllll

Aether:Not gonna lie, this hurts.

Nilou:I don’t even feel good about this outcome.

Ayato:So you’re giving me the sword?

Nilou:Mmm, no. I’ll just cherish it more.

After several painful wishful, the dancer gained her new blade.

Paimon:Okay then. Cheer up Aether! Now let’s use the remainder to get Charlotte! You still around 130.

Aether:*toses 20* I know it just sucks a little to-

Golden Meteor!

Everyone:…..*looks at Furina*

Furina:…..*reveals constellation* Praise my generosity! Let the good times return!

80 wishes later….

Aether:I just want Charlotte around!!! Is she at work or something!?

Tighnari:Look at the bright side. *holds constellation*

Aether:…Look, I love ya man, but you should probably be helping Collei. She’s drowning in coins.

Collei: *buried* I kinda like pressure if I’m honest.

Furina:Let me try. Clearly your luck ran out.

Aether:And your any better?

Furina:I don’t need luck. What I need… *toses wishes* Is an interview!

Charlotte: *falling from the sky* An interview!? Say no more! I even brought a gift for the occasion! *shows constellation*

Furina:Hahahaha!

Aether:*covers face* Unbelievable.

Paimon:Look at it this way. We can invite Navia to join us soon enough!

Keqing:Who’s that?

Paimon:This cool and sweet lady who holds…a Geo vision….

Everyone:Those still exist!? That’s so brave of her!

Navia, in the distance: Hey! Have optimism! It’s fine!

As fanfare died down and everyone went back to doing their personal tasks, Aether took Furina aside just around a hill.

Aether:Alright. Curtain is closed. I won’t mind if there’s something you wanted to get off your chest before I tell you the r-

Furina:*hugs him* …..Happy to be here.

Aether:…*hugs her back* Me too.

[emeritus-fuckers]

“Alstroemeria” ♡ Cardinal Primo x gn!reader platonic drabble (fluff)

Dedicated to @thecuriouss. I suck at fluff. I'm sorry.

There was something peaceful about the Ministry's garden. Maybe it was the colorful flowers. Maybe it was the fact that not many people spend much time there, each Sibling of Sin dealing with their own work and responsibilities.

Maybe it was the fact that it was a good place to hide from all your worries. You could hide behind a tree, observe the colorful flowers and just wait until you felt like you could function again.

Or... you could be caught by a certain long haired blonde Cardinal in his early thirties. The oldest son of Papa Nihil Emeritus, Primo, seemed to share your fondness for the garden, though he never exactly said why. He just seemed to always gravitate here in his limited free time, usually with his two younger brothers, who would run around playfully or enjoy calm walks with him and ask him all about the flowers. Surprisingly, he seemed to always know the answer.

It took some time, since he wasn't too fond of people in general, but you became rather close friends with him. And since Primo Emeritus didn't have many friends, he seemed to really cherish the ones he did have.

And somehow, he seemed to know when one of said friends needed him. Which meant that, of course, he found you, sitting under a tree and watching the colorful flowers.

"That's alstroemeria." Primo announced instead of greeting you like anyone else would. He seemed to like making you jump in surprise, as there was always a sparkle of amusement in his eyes whenever he saw you acting like him randomly popping up was giving you a heart attack.

"Alstro... what?"

"Alstroemeria. The Lily of the Incas. Represents compassion, patience, appreciation, humor, understanding and loyalty." he explained, his gaze focused on the flowers. Primo rarely looked at you directly. He seemed to associate it with all the nonsense he had to deal with as future Papa.

You were both silent for a while, you still sitting on the ground, your back against the tree and him... well, he stood like he was taught to. Perfectly. His back completely straight, his hands behind his back as he looked in front of him. He almost looked like a statue.

Then again, considering his upbringing, being born only to ensure the bloodline wouldn't be broken... and yet, he was a good person. A complicated, yet good person. After all, he took raising his brothers onto himself, just so they could have a childhood.

"It's a... flower of friendship." He added after a while, hunching slightly. A sign that he was relaxed. And a habit that will probably cause him back issues when he gets older.

"Friendship?"

He hummed, clicking his tongue before slowly sitting down on the ground as well, despite how he'd usually scold you for doing that. You were tempted to point it out and maybe if you were in a better mood, you'd actually do it. But not right now. Right now you just wanted to enjoy his presence.

You rested your head against his shoulder, closing your eyes. He didn't really do anything about it, but you knew by now that he was comfortable with you, since he didn't even flinch. If he was uncomfortable, he'd simply get up and leave.

"Yes. I have personally requested to have them planted here." He admitted, his voice much quieter than usual, but not quite a whisper. It was a rare moment of peace in his life.

"Why?" You asked quietly, closing your eyes for a bit as you gently reached to hold his hand. He let you do that, intertwining your fingers together and humming softly.

"Because I've noticed how... fond... you are of this spot. It's always the same tree, facing the same direction. I figured... you'd enjoy those flowers here." He admitted, looking away, using his free hand to play with his hair. One of the small ways he allowed himself relax around people he trusted. There was something almost cute in it.

"You... had the Siblings plant those flowers here for me?"

"Don't think too much about it." He blurted out quickly, looking away with a slight blush. You giggled at his reaction. For someone so good with people, Primo was terrible when it came to dealing with those he actually held close. Unless, of course, it was about his brothers.

You smiled softly, relaxing against him. It was now that you noticed just how much all those negative emotions you felt earlier have worn you out. And his presence was soothing. Comforting. So soothing and comforting, in fact, that you ended up napping against him.

And Primo, despite all the work he still had to do, let you do that. Because he knew he wasn't good at showing affection. So instead, he would go along with what you did. And if you decided to use his shoulder as your pillow, then Primo Emeritus would not be moved until your nap was over.

And while you slept, he could look at the alstroemerias. The flowers he grew so fond of recently, because they reminded him of you. One of his closest friends.

This really was a good place to plant the flowers of friendship.

~

Written by Jez.

Taglist: @charlie-is-a-menace @copias-fluffy-asscheeks @lunarsromantichomicide @randodummy @tuttifuckinfruttifriday @calliedion-dungeon @randominstake @nuntia @dio-niisio @mamacarlyle @firefirevampire @mybotanicaldemise @emo-mess @natoncesaid @sirlsplayland @ouijaboardemo @lightbluuestars @igodownjustlikeholymary

[sacred-coffin]

Did some thinking on a long drive, and I have Ideas(tm) under the read more

I have decided that, omega definitely "watched over" Terzo when he was a young adult. But I also think "what if all the papas had a Quint ghoul who "watched over" them as they made their way up the ranks in the clergy

If they did, I think they'd all have very different relationships with them. Obviously, I'm of the opinion that Terzo has a very intimate relationship with Omega. Omega has always cared about Terzo very much. Omega happened to be an incredibly talented rhythm guitarist, so at some point he was asked to be the first rhythm guitarist for the band, and he had to start splitting his time between that and Terzo. This sucked for both of them LOL

Whether or not I think the Papas *all* had a Quintessence ghoul, Copia did for sure. And that was Aether! Unfortunately this meant Aether did not have a good time when he started playing rhythm guitar for him. It also wasn't a good time when Delta replaced Omega, lmao

I also think it would be cute if 🥺 if Cirice was about. Omega. Like from Omega's perspective if that makes sense 🥺🥺 his Grammy winning song 🥺🥺🥺

Still, Aether worked with Copia long before either was in the band, and they got along really well. Aether was kind of like the proud/kind masculine figure Copia needed, and he hyped Copia up a lot.

(Starting to think maybe Quintessence ghouls might also be good therapists . .. )

My brain is still a little foggy. But. One more thing before I go- if Primo had a Quint ghoul who he like. Idk. Bonded with? I dont want to keep saying "watch over". Anyways, they we absolutely in a Situationship. Think the sort of "will they, won't they" tension that Nihil and Sister had. But like, without the bad blood. His ghoul, who I am just.. calling "Blood" for now, was kind of like his muse- think Elizabeth. He loved her and was low key obsessed with her, but they bother were the kind of "my career first" kind of people, so they ended up with what looked more like an on again off again relationship. It worked for them, though.

I'm not sure about Secondo yet, because I'm still getting a feel for his character.

Ok thanks bye wish me luck in unfogging my brain

[agentjazzy]

oh wow, it looks like Disney's Primos is coming out - I thought they shelved it!

I showed my parents the trailer, and they immediately said that the main character looks just like I did when I was little lmao, because it's true

Because, like, 1)I'm Chicane, and we have the exact same coloring, 2)I had short hair and braces from ages 9-11, 3)I had many many pairs of jean shorts, 4)glasses, lol, and 5)my mom shaved my unibrow every month when I was little

And then, of course, the premise - when I was 8 I had to live with my cousins for Summer (+ one month of school) before we moved in with my grandparents bc *~*technically we were homeless for several years*~*

How many cousins? Well, first with only 3, but then there were problems, so then we moved in with a different tía, who, at the time, had 7 kids.

(if anyone's curious, I have 20 cousins total, with 1 more on the way)

Being in single 3 bedroom house (with 2 makeship rooms in the garage) with 7 cousins, 4 adults, and my little brother was. Um. An experience.

But anyway, after I showed my parents the trailer, I told them this show was supposed to premiere a year ago but had controversies after the theme song dropped, then I showed them the original theme song to see if anything caught their attention.

And sure enough, absolutely nothing. My mom questioned the nickname Nachos, bc it can sound kinda iffy, but nothing else caught their attention.

(and oh, for context, they both grew up in LA, both growing up translating for their parents)

I showed them some clips of why people hated it, and yeah, they were confused bc they would say "oye primos," not "oigan primos." I guess my grandparents weren't concerned with teaching exact grammar at home, more concerned with making sure that my parents were learning english at school

everyone being mad at "terremoto heights" was um. weird. because we're constantly making earthquake jokes, because we're waiting for The Big One, which we know will inevitably screw us over and possible strand us without water and home if/when it comes. but we still joke about it, you know? my whole class made earthquake jokes, and my parents made earthquake jokes when they were in school and they lived through the LA quakes

it makes me wonder if Animaniacs released their "A Quake" song today, would people have been up in arms as much as they have for Primos?

but I guess changing it is fair, if Disney wants to have an international release. even if making earthquake jokes is part of SoCal culture.

they were really surprised about the nickname controversies, because here in SoCal, those nicknames are like. pretty common. yes, even the one that they ended up changing. it's almost as if words have different connotations in different places..........

ANYWAY the biggest thing is that they agreed that the voice actress was out of line (although they think it's obvious that the "shithole" comment was poking fun at trump and that that was being taken out of context in bad faith) but - and this is an inside joke I'm not gonna elaborate on - makes sense considering her name

(IF YOU'RE A MUTUAL OR A TRUSTED FOLLOWER, if you're curious about the joke, I WILL dm you to explain if you ask)

but yeah. it's obvious that this is Disney's answer to The Loud House and The Casagrandes - that being said, all the vitriol towards this shows seems very unfounded. this show just seems very Chicano, moreso than other things I've seen.

and like, as I've explained here, this show is very, heavily relatable to me specifically. none of my white friends understood the pains of living with a bunch of your wild cousins - but multiple of my Chicana friends did. at different schools districts even.

it's just... a lot of the things people are shouting is "bad representation" is literally just... my life. And, apparently, the creator's life, considering it's based on her childhood.

I think it's nice that she made a show about Chicano culture. It does suck that apparently no one knows or even seem to want to know what Chicano culture is.

I just can't help but to wonder if I ever make something about my life, my lived experience... will people call me bad representation? idk.

anyway, I'll probably check the first few episodes out. I'm not sure I'll watch the whole series, since, lately, Disney's shows have been kinda a miss for me. but maybe I'll be surprised. I'm willing to give it a shot

[ficandkaboodle]

I'm still on that "Secondo and Terzo are reflections of each other" train. It runs long hours. This hour, I'm thinking about how, when left to their devices, Secondo seeks out the company of others while Terzo flees from it. The irony especially potent when you consider cases like how they treat their ghouls: Secondo is a dick, second only to Primo, whereas the ghouls like Terzo. (Granted, it's probably because he's barely around them off-stage enough to be a dick, and they probably just see his activities as an improvement to his predecessors but still.)

Where Secondo takes out his anger in public but otherwise clings to the presence of a private audience, Terzo likely festers in his own anger in private while striving to perform for the public. And considering the implications of what they had to give up, it makes perfect sense: Secondo wanted to live a life of indulgence on his own terms and without a higher (mortal) power breathing down his neck, and privacy is one of the only places he can do that. And the only way to draw people into that privacy? By flashing his status, whatever money he (lbr, the Ministry) has or what connections he might have.

He is a bon vivant at his core, desperate for a way to distract himself from how disappointing things are.

Terzo, for lack of better wording, wanted Meliora, or a pursuit of something better; he wanted a better world, tailored by the blueprint of his (and Necropolitus's) vision. But the closest he will ever get to that is by inspiring others, and the stages provided by the Ghost Project, however limiting, are really the only ways he can do that now. He plays the part of the bon vivant but at his own core, he faces his disappointments in private.

Almost like a self-punishment in my opinion. That, and who could ever follow a failure if they knew what he thought or felt or what he really was? He has to keep up the image, however exhausting. That's probably where the "hatred" that's not really hatred comes from; it's really no more hateful than the average introvert's, I dare suggest.

Lemme stop I feel like I'm blabbering but man this makes so much sense in my head, I just suck at translating --

[cyberdragoninfinity]

Well now I'm sending an ask for Primo :V

WOOOOO i think primo will be the last one i do of these for now.... im running outta juice 🥴 but for peemo.... i will go to the ends of the earth ⚔

Why I like them/why I don’t: HE'S...MY... COMFORT CHARACTER!! *TELEKINESIS THROWING EVERYTHING AROUND THE ROOM* primo is just... really the kind of character that makes me insane thinking about him. what if you were a robotic clone of an old man's young adult trauma and you were also an archangel from the future but God didn't really like you very much and you also constantly beef with your coworkers, one of which is a child, and theyre both also you. what if you wanted to fulfill your purpose and die so so so bad. what if you had a KICKASS SWORD. WHAT IF YOU WERE A KNIGHT BUT ALSO A MOTORCYCLE. WHAT IF YOU SOUNDED LIKE SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG. EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM IS BONKERS. IT'S GREAT. HE'S RIDICULOUS.

What I like about their appearance: like. it's a very cool design. and it also sucks ass. his hair is so fucking stupid. his heeled boots have turned so many people's brains into complete mush. slash neg. he is literally italian flag colored. i love his freaky robot ass. i think my favorite feature of his is the aforementioned awful haircut and also his edgy red eyes. <3 computer bring up the image again

Do I prefer their dub names or original names?: im more 'can go either way' with lesterlucciano and jakobjose but Primo is Primo Forever to me. placido is Fine but i do think for once the dub gave the character an even more fitting name. though god knows at this point i barely call him by his name and instead a bunch of goofy nicknames like he's my pet. peemo. peem. pipi.

OTP: well my silly goose ass fucked around and got attached to a nicheship (yuseiprimo) (highsidershipping) (you know it's dire when You Named the Ship.) so here i am. i just like them a lot. accidentally got a crush on my maddening human rival and now i must swing a sword around about it. theres so much AU slow burn in my brain about them

NOTP: if you ship him with lester im coming out of your closest to attack you like we're in goddamn monsters inc.

OT3: yusei/primo/antinomy goes pretty hard, i can appreciate it. yusei and two guys who cant stand each other but have found themselves potentially unwaveringly loyal to him. it's a bit of the yuma/shark/vector type deal.

Favourite card they use: OF COURSE IT'S EMPEROR WISEL but especially after it absorbs Stardust DRagon and has the freak ghost dragon sword arm thing going on.... it's so cool that they made a Wisel card that's inspired by that i love when the card game does that.

Favourite moment they were in: A.) when he got cut in half. because holy shit. but more importantly B.) when he's gloating about his stupid robot army in that warehouse and Jakob calls him to yell at him about going against the plan and Primo is just looking away from Jakob's monitor like a dog that just got busted digging through the trash. this may be one of the funniest ygo screencaps im not kidding

Least favourite moment: all of that STUPID SHIT with team catastrophe and the stupid hook card that makes you crash your bike and all the scheming he did that ended up deleting akiza's powers. MISOGYNY. AND ALSO JUST KIND OF DUMB.

Something I associate with them: so much. cinderblocks. insane angel imagery. grey pitbull. wolves. wild boar. ceruledge. iron valiant. Cry For Judas. this genre of post.

[gogodollie]

Alright, what's your opinion about Nihil's relationship with the rest of his kid's mother(s)? And what role did Sister have in their lives growing up?

First off I’m so sorry for taking so long to answer this😭 I had half of it written down but had to think harder about it and completely forgot. I’m starting this off by saying all of my thoughts are based off of my own aus/speculation. Anyways with that being said…

Nihil’s relationship with baby mamas 1-3 is non-existent at best. In RHRN Nihil says that he’s almost 80 so I place him as being born in ‘44 which MEANS that he was a young father (25 yrs old in KTGG and already had 3 children). Like. Very young. In my hcs I think that Primo’s mother was a high school sweetheart of Nihil’s, I’d speculate in their junior/senior year. It was probably just dumb love and not really any substance, probably would not have gone anywhere after graduation (at a fault of Nihil’s) but sweet nonetheless. Until the pregnancy obviously because an unmarried teenage girl in the 60s??? I think she carried Primo to term (pressured from family) but after giving birth, essentially dropped off the face of the Earth and left baby Primo with a 17 year old Nihil. It was less so a purposeful act of abandonment and more like desperate parents pushing for their daughter to live an actual life that didn’t include being ostracized. Sucks for Primo and single teen dad Nihil but for Primo’s mom this is somewhat of a win! She feels guilt from time to time and thinks about what her baby is up to but overall? She’s content with the life she made for herself after it all and wouldn’t trade it for the world.

BABY MAMA TWO🗣️ Also dgaf about her baby, so sorry Secondo. I do think the case with Secondo’s mother is a lot more tragic than any of the other mothers because she was just in the worst position prior to getting pregnant and things really only got worse from there. She was probably just some girl who met Nihil at a bar by chance and these two were just absolutely never meant to come across each other. At this point I think on both ends there’s a good deal with substance reliance brewing because of the constant partying and drugs which is putting a strain on the relationship (which is more like a dependency really) and the pregnancy is kind of the last straw. She doesn’t want a baby at all, has no interest in a life with children or settling and isn’t ready for any of that- isn’t even sure if she’d want that with Nihil of all people anyways. I think Nihil pushed for her to carry out the pregnancy thinking that it might save the relationship or do something with the mess they had because he’s stupid and naive and surely another baby wouldn’t hurt, right? So she does in fact give birth to Secondo, who’s got a good deal of respiratory issues at birth and only pushes her away from the idea of caring from him more. She doesn’t even stick around long enough to heal up completely, gone within a few days of the birth with some friend before Secondo makes it out of the NICU. It takes her some time to manage the postpartum depression and everything else she has in her plate but I do think after a good while she does sober up and learns to cope with everything that had happened. At the end of the day, it’s all like a bad dream to her and the memories are all fuzzy. Nihil attempts to find her for a while after Secondo is born but nothing ever turns up. She’s off in the next state over and doesn’t ever think about the baby she had, definitely doesn’t wish things

Baby mama: TRES. Okay so technically we only know about this one because Tobias wanted to include his mommy and if he was asked in an interview today he would completely forget what he said about this matter years ago. SO. I think baby mama #3 was an aspiring actress or model- I tend to imagine her being similar to Olga Baclanova, at least for a face claim. Anyways whatever, Nihil and baby mama 3 are both very ambitious at this point and they genuinely seem compatible. Between working dead end jobs and trying to make something of themselves, they’re actually pretty affectionate and things are looking up (at least compared to the last two). They’re well off for the time being but then SURPRISE. The man that doesn’t know what a condom is had helped create yet another unplanned baby. Who would’ve guessed. It’s exciting at first but in the way that it feels like playing house- they’ll have their flat, their baby, and their dream careers! But give or take a few months and she quickly realizes what a damper this is going to put on everything she had planned for herself and the fantasy in her head is falling apart. She’s falling out of love, she’s realizing that her life will need to change drastically to fit a child in it, and she knows that nothing can be the same. The difference between baby mamas 1-2 and baby mama 3 is that she is at a place in life where she is willing to take on motherhood and actually does want to be a mother. Sure, she didn’t expect it to come so soon but she does love and want Terzo. She waits until a while after Terzo is born to break up with Nihil, didn’t want to push him away during the pregnancy out of fear that he would completely deny Terzo a spot in his life. The split is fairly clean and it ends up as a split custody sort of arrangement which really depends on what the parents have going on as opposed to a healthy routine for Terzo. Nihil and baby mama #3 still get along fairly well and kept in contact up until Terzo was around 13 when they figured he could make the arrangements himself (where he tends to choose his mother over Nihil). There’s no bad blood but it’s sort of like a lingering sadness and “what if”s though there’s no real desire for that ending- they’re both happy with where they’ve ended up in life and got to live out their dreams, even if just for a short while. Side note, Terzo’s mother gave up the acting gig after birth and settled for modeling which later turned to visual arts when she eventually couldn’t keep up with that lifestyle.

I’ve got to keep it real with you here, I don’t think Sister Imperator ever cared to have any sort of relationship with Nihil’s children and didn’t ever attempt to take up any sort of “step-mom” role in their lives. Sister doesn’t come across as someone deeply interested in caring for homemaking or having children or anything of the like. Given the very current politics surrounding women’s rights and the feminist movement at the time combined with growing up in the satanic church, it just doesn’t seem like something that would ever call to her. She sees Nihil’s children as tools for the clergy in the kindest way she possibly could, I guess? Sister knows the basics of childcare and development and wants their needs to be met- so they’re well enough to later take on their clergy duties. I don’t even think she would do all that well with reprimanding them which is something she excels in usually (verbally abusing people is one of her favorite pastimes). She expects Nihil to be a father to them and their sole caregiver but also expects a great deal of Nihil’s time as a partner. Sister is a 25 year old, unmarried, and childless woman so of course she’s going to want to live her life to the fullest and free of distractions. She may feel pity towards Primo and Secondo at times because she sees her own childhood in their experiences (absent mother, semi-neglectful/absent father) as opposed to Terzo (present/loving mother and a father in his life). It’s not enough to make her motherly towards them but it’s something that they feel and she figures that’s enough.

TLDR: Everyone involved was just too young and stupid and selfish to gaf and did not have the generosity required to bring a child (or several) into their lives.

[ask-miasma-ghoul]

Miasma found yet another letter from one of his ‘friends’ back at the ministry. He somewhat expected this one to be from Primo, based on the fancy red wax seal with the Emeritus ‘E’ on it, but when he opened it, he was met by doodles of sharks and the messy child-like handwriting he’d grown all too familiar with.

Dear Miasma,

I saw people righting letters and getting letters from you, and to be honest I’m jealous. So I askd Primo to teach me how to write letters, and we can talk now! Yay.

Life kind of sucks now. Something happened with Sister Nyx, but I don’t want to explain it. I lockd myself in my room for a good two weeks, only deciding to do something about it when I started seeing alligators on the floor of my room instaad of the usual sharks. But Im back now, I guess. Its a lot more boring with out you and Nyx to keep me company. There’s some new people that I’ve talkd to, but its just not the same.

The first time we met, in the hallway, I attacked you, that was my first time leaving my room for real in years. And Im sad about I worry that things might change and be like that again sometimes. But at least I can write letters like this. Even if you trash them, at least they are out in the world.

I hope texas is okay. I heard that there is cowboys out there. I also heard it is dry, are there no sharks? That must suck. I should mail you a shark to keep you conpany. Goodbye.

Sinceerly, ⛓️🦈

p.s. I think I’m gay.

"𝑪𝒉𝒂𝒊𝒏,

𝑩𝒆𝒍𝒊𝒆𝒗𝒆 𝒊𝒕 𝒐𝒓 𝒏𝒐𝒕, 𝑰'𝒎 𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒑𝒚 𝒕𝒐 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒓 𝒇𝒓𝒐𝒎 𝒚𝒐𝒖... 𝑾𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒅𝒐 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒎𝒆𝒂𝒏, '𝒍𝒊𝒇𝒆 𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒅 𝒐𝒇 𝒔𝒖𝒄𝒌𝒔 𝒏𝒐𝒘'? 𝑳𝒊𝒇𝒆 𝒉𝒂𝒔 𝒂𝒍𝒘𝒂𝒚𝒔 𝒔𝒖𝒄𝒌𝒆𝒅 𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆. 𝑰 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒅 𝑺𝒊𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝑵𝒚𝒙 𝒅𝒊𝒆𝒅 - 𝒈𝒐𝒐𝒅 𝒇𝒖𝒄𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒓𝒊𝒅𝒅𝒂𝒏𝒄𝒆. 𝑵𝒐𝒘 𝒈𝒆𝒕 𝒐𝒇𝒇 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒎 𝒅𝒂𝒎𝒏 𝒑𝒊𝒍𝒍𝒔 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒈𝒐 𝒐𝒖𝒕𝒔𝒊𝒅𝒆, 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝑰 𝒘𝒐𝒏'𝒕 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒂𝒏𝒚 𝒂𝒔𝒔𝒆𝒔 𝒕𝒐 𝒃𝒆𝒂𝒕 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝑰 𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒆 𝒗𝒊𝒔𝒊𝒕...

𝑾𝒉𝒐 𝒌𝒏𝒆𝒘 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒂𝒕𝒕𝒂𝒄𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒎𝒆 𝒘𝒐𝒖��𝒅 𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒔𝒖𝒄𝒉 𝒂 𝒘𝒐𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒓𝒇𝒖𝒍 𝒇𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒅𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑? 𝑰 𝒄𝒆𝒓𝒕𝒂𝒊𝒏𝒍𝒚 𝒘𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅𝒏'𝒕 𝒕𝒓𝒂𝒅𝒆 𝒊𝒕 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒂𝒏𝒚𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒆𝒍𝒔𝒆. 𝑰 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒃𝒊𝒈 𝒃𝒖𝒎𝒃𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒇𝒖𝒄𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒊𝒅𝒊𝒐𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒕𝒖𝒓𝒏𝒆𝒅 𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒃𝒆.

𝑻𝒆𝒙𝒂𝒔 𝒊𝒔 𝒃𝒆𝒂𝒖𝒕𝒊𝒇𝒖𝒍. 𝑰𝒕'𝒔 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒂𝒕𝒄𝒉 𝒐𝒏 𝑻𝑽... 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆𝒏'𝒕 𝒔𝒆𝒆𝒏 𝒂𝒏𝒚 𝒄𝒐𝒘𝒃𝒐𝒚𝒔, 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒑𝒍𝒂𝒄𝒆 𝑰 𝒂𝒎 𝒊𝒏 𝒊𝒔𝒏'𝒕 𝒃𝒂𝒓𝒓𝒆𝒏 𝒐𝒓 𝒅𝒓𝒚. 𝑰𝒕 𝒊𝒔 𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒚 𝒉𝒐𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉... 𝑰𝒕 𝒃𝒐𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆𝒅 𝒎𝒆 𝒂𝒕 𝒇𝒊𝒓𝒔𝒕 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝑰 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒊𝒕 𝒎𝒐𝒓𝒆. 𝑰𝒇 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒊𝒔 𝒔𝒉𝒂𝒓𝒌𝒔 𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆, 𝑰 𝒄𝒆𝒓𝒕𝒂𝒊𝒏𝒍𝒚 𝒘𝒐𝒏'𝒕 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘, 𝒃𝒆𝒄𝒂𝒖𝒔𝒆 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒉𝒐𝒘 𝒘𝒂𝒓𝒎 𝒊𝒕 𝒊𝒔, 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆'𝒔 𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒃𝒆 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆 𝒂𝒎𝒐𝒃𝒆𝒂𝒔 𝒍𝒖𝒓𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈. 𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒔𝒆𝒏𝒅 𝒎𝒆 𝒂 𝒔𝒉𝒂𝒓𝒌... 𝑰 𝒅𝒊𝒅𝒏'𝒕 𝒃𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒎𝒖𝒄𝒉 𝒔𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒍 𝒊𝒕𝒆𝒎𝒔 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝑰 𝒍𝒆𝒇𝒕... 𝑰 𝒅𝒊𝒅𝒏'𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒌 𝑰'𝒅 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒎. 𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆'𝒔 𝒂 𝒍𝒐𝒕 𝒐𝒇 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔 𝑰 𝒅𝒊𝒅𝒏'𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒌 𝑰 𝒘𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒎𝒊𝒔𝒔.

- 𝑴𝒊𝒂𝒔𝒎𝒂

𝒑.𝒔., 𝑰 𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉𝒕 𝒊𝒕 𝒉𝒂𝒔 𝒃𝒆𝒆𝒏 𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒚 𝒐𝒃𝒗𝒊𝒐𝒖𝒔 𝒚𝒐𝒖'𝒓𝒆 𝒂 𝒉𝒐𝒎𝒐. 𝑵𝒐���𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒘𝒓𝒐𝒏𝒈 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕... 𝑮𝒐𝒅 𝒔𝒂𝒚𝒔 𝒊𝒕'𝒔 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒂 𝒔𝒊𝒏."

[doublydaring]

Ron what are your top favorite tv shows

hi kait. thank you sooo much for this ask. television is my first and true love and i have a great many things to say about it.

Black Sails - Black Sails is like a show made in a lab to please me. It is a prequel to Robert Louis Stevenson's "Treasure Island" which integrates the fake pirates from the book with the real pirates of history. It is about my number one interest of all time, historiography, the way that we tell the story of history. It is about the way that society uses stories and shame to control people. Its epic.

Trust FX - A miniseries. This is also about historiography, you will sense a theme. This is about the Getty kidnapping. It is full of beautiful sexy Italians and horrible horrible Americans. Brendan Fraser slays as a PI slash Greek Chorus. Luca Marinelli gives the performance to end all performances as Primo Nizzuto.

Justified - A tribute to the now rightfully dead Western Genre Justified is about a bunch of guys who suck that you cannot help but root for. A big city Marshall is forced to return to his hometown of Harlan, Kentucky after shooting a man. Some of the greatest characters of all time come from this show. Raylan Givens, Dickie Bennet, Dewey Crowe, Tim Gutterson, Rachel Brooks, and above all, Boyd Crowder. If you are compelled by slow talking, fast drawing men with problems, you will love this brilliantly witty crime drama.

MASH - Hawkeye Pierce is like a real friend to me. This too is about historiography. 11 seasons of swirling 70s sleaze and the hardest hitting antiwar commentary wrapped up in the warm and fuzzy packaging of a pleasantly green sitcom. In the first season Frank asks Hawkeye if he's ever serious, Hawkeye responds "I tried it once, everybody laughed," and it felt like my life flashing before my eyes. Trapper John McIntyre, BJ Hunnicutt, Margret Houlihan, these are just a few of the greatest characters ever written. And they're on mash.

This is where things get hard, this answer has changed a lot over the years, a few years ago, It's Always Sunny would have been like 2 on this list, as far as number of funny episodes, its still pretty high up there, I also have to mention The Monkees of course, Turn: Washington's Spies was a formative classic for me and me alone, Star Trek: The Next Generation is brilliant. There are the modern classics, Succession, Severance, and Santa Clarita Diet. The old greats, Cheers, Taxi, Star Wars the Clone Wars. My past obsessions, Jonathan Creek, TAITV, I Made America, Torchwood. Flight of The Concords and What We Do In The Shadows informed my humor so much. But I think in the end the 5th greatest television program is the San Diego Padres. Not a show in the traditional sense, but TV certainly, and a program I have probably spent more time watching than any other.

[janthonyfell]

I just need one thing. ONE thing.

Terzo giving a speech in front of the ministry, while Copia is hiding under a podium and sucking him off. Meanwhile Terzo is all shaky and letting out grunts throughout the speech.

It’s one…simple…thing.😩

you know what I'll give you the thing, I hope it's as good as you imagine hehe (sorry for any grammatical mistake)

“I know Terzo is strange and too passionate during masses but I think something is wrong with him” Secondo whispers as he nudges Primo a little, wondering if he should repeat his comment or not because it's hard to tell when Primo is awake and when he's sleeping since the man is just... well, old and quiet.

“Mm?” Primo seems to be slowly coming out of a trance. He exchanges a slow look with Secondo and then his eyes go to the pulpit where the youngest of the three is speaking clinging to the furniture.

He is passionate, to be honest. But that's not new to anyone. Terzo has a reputation for being as charming as he is dramatic and both things are favorable to him so the man makes good use of them. He speaks loudly and normally gets lost in his oratory, which is normally nice to keep things lit during the ceremony, but today seems kind of lost.

Primo watches Terzo shuffling papers back and forth, as if someone had made a mess with his reference documents. He hesitates while doing it and if he manages to speak he doesn't say more than two complete sentences while interrupting himself with small "sorry"s from time to time.

“I don't remember this starting with him being that nervous.” Primo reflects as a long hand runs over his chin. “Do you think something has happened to him?”

Secondo shrugs as he turns his attention to the pulpit. "No idea."

There's something, just a small wave at the end of Terzo's chasuble that call Secondo's attention. It exists for just a few seconds and then it's gone, and as it does, Terzo bends over the pulpit a little before continuing to speak with a somewhat broken voice about the mission of expanding the church throughout all America.

“Ten bucks that he has something up his ass” Secondo bets with full confidence.

Primo raises his eyebrows, so much so that his tired eyes are visible. The old man laughs.

“So you do have an idea” he chuckles as he looks back at the Terzo. They exchange a small glance and Primo internally celebrates as he catches a small bead of sweat on Terzo's forehead. Oh, and his little brother's red ear. Suddenly everything makes so much sense. “Fifteen bucks he have someone sucking him off.”

“You have a deal.”

[ . . . ]

The strange mass ended perhaps twenty minutes after the talk between the brothers. It was hard to tell, with how uncomfortable it ended up being the time did its part to make it seem even longer.

People left the room until finally there was no one but the three brothers in the room. Even then, Terzo still clung to the pulpit as if his life depended on it.

“Didn't I entertain you enough already?” Terzo exhales tired.

Secondo smirks. “Not really.”

“Too bad you have to leave now” Terzo doesn't step back but Secondo does less, crossing his arms at his position. Primo lets out a laugh.

“We need the room so you can leave now Terzo. Don't worry about cleaning anything up.” Primo say as an excuse and it's brilliant. If Terzo has someone under him, it is best to force them to leave no matter what.

Terzo looks like he's going to cry but does not respond. Instead he remains silent until suddenly, without warning, he bends over the pulpit, muffling a moan in his arms. His miter falls pathetically to the ground, rolling to Secondo's feet.

Secondo looks at him amused. Did reallt he just cum? Holy fuck, whatever he has inside him today was really edging him throughout the entire fucking ceremony. Respects.

The brothers wait in silence for the revelation. Secondo wants to rub his hands already savoring the fifteen dollars that he is going to earn so easily. Maybe even celebrated today with a good drink.

But just as he thinks Terzo is just going to grab what's left of his dignity and walk away, someone slides out of his robes, wiping his mouth. To their surprise, it's Imperator's golden boy: Copia.

“Dear old Satan below” Primo lets out an incredulous laugh. This is the most fun he's had in months. “Oh boy, you're so much in trouble.”

“No word of this or I'll be sure to cut off your money supply” The cardinal threatens, but he has a smirk on his lips that implies that his threat is not that serious, however he does want to protect whatever just happened.

Secondo raises his hands while looking upset. Copia reaches the hat at his feet and leaves them next to Terzo.

“Hey. Pull yourself together and clean up, 'kay? I'll see you later” Copia lovingly pats Terzo's thigh before standing up. The Papa simply gives him a thumbs up but he will probably spend some more time there.

The cardinal gives the brothers one last serious look before saying goodbye gracefully and leaving the place.

With all the hate in the world contained in his being, Secondo takes out his wallet to pay his part of the bet.

[thowawayuntilfurthernotice]

The funniest thing about the modern internet is that there is no hill too shitty to die on for some folks.

I don't think I'm bringing anything new to the table by saying that Primos looks awful and that the backlash it received from people was warranted. I mean, this wasn't the usual "White guys whine about everything being woke" nonsense, this was legitimate criticism being leveled at Disney by Mexicans and other Latin Americans. You know, the target demographic that Disney is trying to market this show towards?

So long story short, I made a post saying that I don't blame Disney if they decided to quietly shelve the series, as even if by some miracle the show turned out to be good or passable (Which is very unlikely given the quality of the original theme song) the damage has already been done.

I also pointed out that no amount of retooling could salvage this series, as I personally don't see Disney spending a shit load of money to get a DTVA series fixed. As the company treats their television animation division as an afterthought.

But with the modern internet being what it is, someone stumbled across my post and decided to respond with a long winded essay that was filled with typical nonsense about how I'm the worst person ever, all because I criticized a show that a majority of the internet already hates.

And I love how this person tried to frame my post as a personal attack on the show's crew, when I didn't even mention them.

Does it suck that all the people who worked on this show most likely won't get to see their work in a finished format? Yes!

But that argument shouldn't be used to shield the show against criticism, because guess what? That very same argument can be applied to literally every piece of media that the internet complains about.

Yes, the state of western animation is fucking depressing, trust me, I would love nothing more than for animators and storyboard artists to work on long running shows. But again, just because the industry is struggling right now doesn't mean that we should automatically start praising the shit out of every animated show that comes out or is announced.