#heinous shit going on i tell u

[gogodollie]

Alright, what's your opinion about Nihil's relationship with the rest of his kid's mother(s)? And what role did Sister have in their lives growing up?

First off I’m so sorry for taking so long to answer this😭 I had half of it written down but had to think harder about it and completely forgot. I’m starting this off by saying all of my thoughts are based off of my own aus/speculation. Anyways with that being said…

Nihil’s relationship with baby mamas 1-3 is non-existent at best. In RHRN Nihil says that he’s almost 80 so I place him as being born in ‘44 which MEANS that he was a young father (25 yrs old in KTGG and already had 3 children). Like. Very young. In my hcs I think that Primo’s mother was a high school sweetheart of Nihil’s, I’d speculate in their junior/senior year. It was probably just dumb love and not really any substance, probably would not have gone anywhere after graduation (at a fault of Nihil’s) but sweet nonetheless. Until the pregnancy obviously because an unmarried teenage girl in the 60s??? I think she carried Primo to term (pressured from family) but after giving birth, essentially dropped off the face of the Earth and left baby Primo with a 17 year old Nihil. It was less so a purposeful act of abandonment and more like desperate parents pushing for their daughter to live an actual life that didn’t include being ostracized. Sucks for Primo and single teen dad Nihil but for Primo’s mom this is somewhat of a win! She feels guilt from time to time and thinks about what her baby is up to but overall? She’s content with the life she made for herself after it all and wouldn’t trade it for the world.

BABY MAMA TWO🗣️ Also dgaf about her baby, so sorry Secondo. I do think the case with Secondo’s mother is a lot more tragic than any of the other mothers because she was just in the worst position prior to getting pregnant and things really only got worse from there. She was probably just some girl who met Nihil at a bar by chance and these two were just absolutely never meant to come across each other. At this point I think on both ends there’s a good deal with substance reliance brewing because of the constant partying and drugs which is putting a strain on the relationship (which is more like a dependency really) and the pregnancy is kind of the last straw. She doesn’t want a baby at all, has no interest in a life with children or settling and isn’t ready for any of that- isn’t even sure if she’d want that with Nihil of all people anyways. I think Nihil pushed for her to carry out the pregnancy thinking that it might save the relationship or do something with the mess they had because he’s stupid and naive and surely another baby wouldn’t hurt, right? So she does in fact give birth to Secondo, who’s got a good deal of respiratory issues at birth and only pushes her away from the idea of caring from him more. She doesn’t even stick around long enough to heal up completely, gone within a few days of the birth with some friend before Secondo makes it out of the NICU. It takes her some time to manage the postpartum depression and everything else she has in her plate but I do think after a good while she does sober up and learns to cope with everything that had happened. At the end of the day, it’s all like a bad dream to her and the memories are all fuzzy. Nihil attempts to find her for a while after Secondo is born but nothing ever turns up. She’s off in the next state over and doesn’t ever think about the baby she had, definitely doesn’t wish things

Baby mama: TRES. Okay so technically we only know about this one because Tobias wanted to include his mommy and if he was asked in an interview today he would completely forget what he said about this matter years ago. SO. I think baby mama #3 was an aspiring actress or model- I tend to imagine her being similar to Olga Baclanova, at least for a face claim. Anyways whatever, Nihil and baby mama 3 are both very ambitious at this point and they genuinely seem compatible. Between working dead end jobs and trying to make something of themselves, they’re actually pretty affectionate and things are looking up (at least compared to the last two). They’re well off for the time being but then SURPRISE. The man that doesn’t know what a condom is had helped create yet another unplanned baby. Who would’ve guessed. It’s exciting at first but in the way that it feels like playing house- they’ll have their flat, their baby, and their dream careers! But give or take a few months and she quickly realizes what a damper this is going to put on everything she had planned for herself and the fantasy in her head is falling apart. She’s falling out of love, she’s realizing that her life will need to change drastically to fit a child in it, and she knows that nothing can be the same. The difference between baby mamas 1-2 and baby mama 3 is that she is at a place in life where she is willing to take on motherhood and actually does want to be a mother. Sure, she didn’t expect it to come so soon but she does love and want Terzo. She waits until a while after Terzo is born to break up with Nihil, didn’t want to push him away during the pregnancy out of fear that he would completely deny Terzo a spot in his life. The split is fairly clean and it ends up as a split custody sort of arrangement which really depends on what the parents have going on as opposed to a healthy routine for Terzo. Nihil and baby mama #3 still get along fairly well and kept in contact up until Terzo was around 13 when they figured he could make the arrangements himself (where he tends to choose his mother over Nihil). There’s no bad blood but it’s sort of like a lingering sadness and “what if”s though there’s no real desire for that ending- they’re both happy with where they’ve ended up in life and got to live out their dreams, even if just for a short while. Side note, Terzo’s mother gave up the acting gig after birth and settled for modeling which later turned to visual arts when she eventually couldn’t keep up with that lifestyle.

I’ve got to keep it real with you here, I don’t think Sister Imperator ever cared to have any sort of relationship with Nihil’s children and didn’t ever attempt to take up any sort of “step-mom” role in their lives. Sister doesn’t come across as someone deeply interested in caring for homemaking or having children or anything of the like. Given the very current politics surrounding women’s rights and the feminist movement at the time combined with growing up in the satanic church, it just doesn’t seem like something that would ever call to her. She sees Nihil’s children as tools for the clergy in the kindest way she possibly could, I guess? Sister knows the basics of childcare and development and wants their needs to be met- so they’re well enough to later take on their clergy duties. I don’t even think she would do all that well with reprimanding them which is something she excels in usually (verbally abusing people is one of her favorite pastimes). She expects Nihil to be a father to them and their sole caregiver but also expects a great deal of Nihil’s time as a partner. Sister is a 25 year old, unmarried, and childless woman so of course she’s going to want to live her life to the fullest and free of distractions. She may feel pity towards Primo and Secondo at times because she sees her own childhood in their experiences (absent mother, semi-neglectful/absent father) as opposed to Terzo (present/loving mother and a father in his life). It’s not enough to make her motherly towards them but it’s something that they feel and she figures that’s enough.

TLDR: Everyone involved was just too young and stupid and selfish to gaf and did not have the generosity required to bring a child (or several) into their lives.

[starlooove]

ok I'm NOT much of a DC reader but your dukeblogging has convinced me. but do you have a reading list (DC has more crises than I do. it's intimidating) by any chance

YEAHAHSJS

Ok so like Im not a REAL dc blogger so I don’t really have my own reading list; I basically focus heavily on black characters across the board and then dive into wherever they’re from but I usually use other reading lists to do it and go at my own (slow ass) pace. For DC i started fandom only and then moved on to actually reading comics which is why my opinions are so strong there bc I KNOW WHAT YALL ARE LIKE!

Sorry but now for Duke specifically I KNOW there’s a specifc blogger who’s list I followed down to the T but I cannot remember their url rn so here’s a list/chart that has like. Listings for him specifically

That’s mostly to follow timeline but for me I think to get his character down u could do all star Batman, Batman and the signal, the outsiders, WAR and then branch out from there (but also saying this as someone who’s read most of it so like maybe I’m biased and missing or forgetting smth). I’m sorry if this isn’t helpful but as SOON as I find that reading list I’m posting it bc I swear I literally went down that list one by one.

Edit: the tags are part of the answer but I ran out of room so post tags;

- tbh when it comes down to it I personally try to absorb character by character and then put them all together at the end; it’s what I’m currently doing with green arrow (I know it’s been months y’all don’t call paw patrol I’m STUPID) and my plan for moving forward but also fully acknowledging this sucks as a way to interact with other established fans however. Other established fans have proven to be racist and misunderstand characterization and character interaction on a fundamental level SOMETIMES (BC y’all get mad) bc they’re so focused on their faves so in conclusion If I don’t find the specific lists I used I’d get them from stan blogs and then be careful cause u know everyone’s using their faves BEST comics so just remember this is what THEY think is the best or most accurate Interpretation and u don’t have to agree (RR the road home and YJ98 sorry to be shitting on them again. Not even them but how ppl read them. Diff story tho)

-but also despite me obviously shitting on certain characters runs or interpretations I think the best thing you could do is give everyone a fair chance. Blank slate in ur mind if ur JUST starting and see where u go from there but also remember to check ur biases and think about WHY certain things get included or retconned or explained away bc that’s where a lot of ppl falter in thinking their fave is just misunderstood or smth.

FOUND THE LIST sorry this has been in and out for the drafts while searching so in conclusion FR;

I hope this helped but I think I sound insane just please read these <3

[kethabali]

i dont even know how to feel my own emotions thanks to my parents

[teencopandthesourwolf]

“Please.”

Stiles stands there, chewing on his pretty crimson lips, pleading.

Derek isn't fully clued in yet, but honestly, the kid is kind of vaguely breaking his heart.

“Please, Derek, I'm really sorry about this, but please just—just don't say anything, okay? And just—let me?”

Stiles had texted Derek earlier, at 3.17am, presumably just before he’d set off from his house to drive his jeep to the loft.

Derek had been lying awake in bed, unable to sleep.

His messages had read:

> dude, i rlly need to come over. that ok?

And:

> ill let myself in if thats cool?

And after a few moments, in quick succession one after the other and before Derek had a chance to respond:

> and i rlly need u to just like. not get out of bed. presuming yr already in bed

> all shall be revealed

> lol i don't know why i put that

> and obvs tell me if any of this is not ok. ok?

> as if you wouldn't lol

> #sourwolf

> and yeah i know im being a weirdo but thats why you like me

And then, a few seconds later:

> right?

Derek had stared at the flurry of messages for a minute or so, then texted back:

Okay, weirdo <

About ten minutes later, Stiles had let himself into the building. Derek listened to the kid muttering away to himself as he rode the old service elevator—except it wasn't really himself he was talking to.

“God, I hope I'm not wrong about this. Like, I think we're close enough now for it not to be weird. I mean, at least I hope we are. I'm just so fucking tired, man, and have got to get me some sleep. Anyways, just—don't get up, okay? Or, like, can you get into bed if you're not already in bed? Sorry, I know I texted you this already, I just really need you to trust me. You do know you can trust me… Right, big guy?”

Derek's trust of Stiles was implicit.

When the steel door had unlocked and slid open, Derek smelled fresh, mostly unscented shower gel over the base notes of Stiles's own cinnamon scent, mixed with the very definite chemo-signals that indicated fear, restlessness, apprehension—and also, the strongest of them all; hope.

Let me.

Here, now, Derek still doesn't know what the kid needs.

Let him what?

Derek doesn't have any more time to wonder, though, because Stiles is taking off his sneakers and pants and is slowly, very slowly—as if giving Derek the chance to protest—climbing into bed next to him.

Stiles is now in Derek's loft in the small hours, in Derek's bed, fully under Derek's covers, with Derek wearing only his grey tank and black boxer-briefs and a probably terrified look on his face.

He silently thanks the universe for the cover of night.

“Like, you should obviously say something if this is completely heinous or whatever, but otherwise just—let me do this?”

And all Derek can think is shit, he's freezing, at the same time he is going into a some sort of dumbstruck shock because Stiles is now wrapping his entire sinewy, beautiful body around the entirety of Derek's.

“This okay?” Stiles asks, the air around them spiking with the smell of his anxiety as he Big-Spoons Derek like some human-shaped octopus, skinny but strong limbs astonishingly everywhere.

And he sounds so unsure, and so small, and Derek can't bear it.

Not giving the stoic part of his brain any opportunity to talk him out of doing this, Derek takes ahold of Stiles's wrist from where the kid had draped one of his long arms around Derek's midriff, and hangs on as firmly but gently as he can, manoeuvring them both around in the bed so that Stiles is now the Little Spoon.

“This okay?” he asks gingerly, mirroring Stiles because his own words are failing him.

Stiles says, “Yeah. Even better,” and his anxiety is melting away into something much more pleasing; something like relief.

Derek breathes out the word, “Good,” and feels a little dizzy and a lot amazed, and kind of like his heart is beating wildly in his throat.

The only reason he knows it isn't, is because Stiles says, “I can feel your heart thumping away in your chest, man. But, uh, I don't have wolfy senses, so… I can't tell if it's good thumping or bad thumping.”

Then he promptly stops breathing.

Derek resists the desperate, learnt urge to run away from this. He mentally shakes himself and figures: After so many years fighting monsters together, maybe he and Stiles can fight this one together, too?

He gives himself a moment to ride out the panic, then screws his eyes shut and, praying to nobody in particular, whispers, “Good thumping,” into the shell of Stiles's ear.

Stiles shivers and breathes again, but doesn't say anything else. For once, he doesn't need to. He just needs to sleep.

As the kid settles into Derek's bed and Derek's embrace and, hopefully, Derek's life, he smells like a mix of serene and content and promise—and also, wonderfully, of Derek, now.

Derek is a strange combination of relaxed and freaking-the-fuck-out because that's just the way he's made. His brain won't stop whirring at a speed of a million miles an hour, worrying about everything and nothing, all at once, and before he can bite into his lip to stop himself, he blurts out, “Cora says I sometimes dream-talk about Cajun Gumbo recipes.”

Stiles's only sighs, then hums quietly, his breathing already evening out almost to the point of sleep.

Just when Derek thinks he's not going to get any sort of real answer, Stiles mumbles, “Okay, weirdo,” on an exhale, and then he's drifting off into unconsciousness.

Derek settles then, and smiles into the nighttime thinking that maybe, finally, he might get a good night's sleep, too.

.

for @shealynn88, the bestest of friends. i love you and miss you always... <3 (unedited btw—forgive me!)

[iridescentttears]

my thoughts on the deal with the toxic ex thing we’ve got going on from a late night noncoherent ramble hot take:

the whole billford shipping is so fascinatingly heinous and foul and complex and infuriating and interesting that i certainly can’t look away and i’m intrigued by seeing more of the billford sexy kinky shipping, like that’s not the right word for it but u get it. and i won’t be mad when i see it again but i will slightly shake my head disapprovingly because i know that no iteration of billford is in any ways healthy.

and as someone who’s been through DV and emotional abuse situations it’s kinda odd to me that ppl are making serious and silly takes on, oh no they’re fucking n sucking, they’re kinky af. (and i know that’s an oversimplification on that regard as well but just like for the point of this i think you get what i mean— like it’s in my hc that they hooked up after karaoke and maybe for a while after that it was like a partnersitustionship and in the year of our good lord and savior casual by chappell roan it’s a perfect addition to the lore timing wise)

but also it’s like, no they’re in an unfair power dynamic. sure they each come to it with unique sets of trauma and experience. but one participant is way older way “smarter” way more manipulative and to me there’s no way for that to be sexy. it just leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

i also, from experience was filled with an overwhelming sense of peace and relief at the end of the book of bill when ford lets his family into his world, into his inner trauma, and they embrace him. they tell him that he’s not stupid or weak for being a victim of abuse they tell him that bill is a fucking loser! and he is. and the ppl who hurt me were fucking losers and so is every person who hurts people!! and having that moment when he was surrounded by their love, and he no longer felt shame and guilt from what happened in his past— that moment right there is what made the book something i will cherish. that’s a moment in the book where i out loud had a moment where i was like yes, this right here is the heart of what this is all about what gravity falls is at its core level.

like journal 1 taught me that i could embrace being weird and in the end i’ll turn out all right. the book of bill missing journal pages taught me that even tho ive had some shit happen to me and it’s changed who i am and how i see the world, i am more than a victim and if i allow myself to trust the ppl i love and let in the light, my past will not consume me and does not have to continue to be a part of my story. i can dance around in the woods with my niece and mock a triangle statue while wearing witch hats. i can grieve and move on and a lot of that is my internal work with myself like ford with himself, but its not done all alone, when you have love around you in your friends, in your chosen family whether they be by birth or not, that’s how you really learn to let it all go.

so in a way it’s really fucked up, the ship that is, but again i’m not mad at anyone who ships it. i’m sure you all have very different perspectives and thought and reasons that are totally valid, this is just how i feel from my perspective! i will continue to enjoy all the billford edits and fanart that comes across my page. i especially love anything to do with the breakup/divorce/ fiddleford, bill, ford love triangle angle. i love that shit

this is favorite thing on the internet rn:

@ raycipher2 on tiktok i think is the creator of this delightful viral sensation!

so i took a detour rant there, oops word vomit am i right?

if u read all this pls tell me if this makes any sense lmao

[astronicht]

viking au, max/daniel f1🫶

Hopefully you came into this anticipating the wall of text 💜

1. The summer that Max was ten years old, the raids went far to the south, through the Pillars of Hercules and into the Mediterranean— because this literally happened like Vikings in fact did this. Theoretically Vikings could have seen Monaco! Anyway. This was memorable not because it was his first season — it was his second, he started a little young — but because it was the first time he stole something for himself on a raid. So, Max saw the coast from Narbonne and Pisa. And Max stole two cats on a raid of a town whose name he did not know, but where people died fast enough that a boy could dodge into a house with searching hands.

Back home, people sometimes laugh and ask if he saved his spoiled cats from the pelt-sellers, who raise cats for their fur (sorry i know i wanted sexy viking “i stole my dutch wife” stuff and instead i give u this canonical Viking-era Danish practice SORRY). He always corrects this: “no, I went out viking and i stole them.” People usually think this is a joke. Their names are Jamti and Saxi, because of course Max does not know their original names. (these are both boy names but whatever, his cats are named after Monaco clubs, what do you want me to do about it).

2. Daniel’s folks are from Sicily and Calabria; let’s put him in Calabria, which is partly Byzantine Greek ruled by Constantinople and partly Arab; he would call himself Roman (meaning Byzantium, the Eastern Empire) and speaks Greek, probably, with a smattering of Arabic that is mostly slang. He is weirdly bad at it. (Sicily was entirely Berber Muslim at this point with a large Byzantine Greek population, by the by, and would later be conquered by the descendants of the Vikings, so I guess that’s a whole different AU). Daniel, for his part, was not stolen from his home; his father was not killed, his mother and sister are presumably well. It is simply that he could not sit quietly in a warm place that would have loved him fine. Oops!

3. They meet for real in the town of Jorvik, which is a river city in what will later be England. Christian warned Daniel ahead of time that they were taking on a new kid, implied that there was a favor owed. Daniel’s met the father, and like, fair enough. Pay Jos back for whatever and steer clear, in Daniel’s opinion, and Daniel and Christian usually agree. Max arrives with a set face and carrying his cats — who are 16% smaller than modern cats but still fucking heavy and sliding around unhappily — in a wicker basket that he carries up the hill from the river himself, his doeskin boots sliding in the muck. A few of the guys tell Max he can get mousers here, why carry these? Daniel, who had been in the city for three years now, tells him he should have taken the old Roman stone road. Max is unamused, but at least Daniel was (unwittingly) the helpful one. They are overwintering together in a house down by the other river. Max is seventeen.

3.a Christian’s debt owed was to Max’s mum. Daniel doesn’t know this.

4. Daniel does otherwise know a lot about Christian, because he helped the ironically named Christian Hornbære (also written as Hyrne), once a minor Northumbrian thane, to throw his lot in with the Danes (vikings), take a Dane wife, turn on his compatriots, and sack the place. Christian has remembered this loyalty ever since. This will come up later!

5. Okay since everyone has been patient i WILL play up one sexy (?) viking trope and like. At some point it’s spring and just prior to the beginning of raiding season and the first early little harvest has come in so Christian is hosting a feast before they all go off to do some genuinely heinous shit, and the expectation is absolutely that Christian’s boys get to fuck in this semi-public way in the longhouse. And Max and Daniel are two of the stars of the show, right, so it’s a sort of champagne room situation, only it becomes increasingly clear to Daniel, who is btw barely holding everything together, that Max is absolutely relying on him to get through this. Like everyone in this long dark room has been drinking for two days and Max is watching Daniel to see what he’s going to do, and Daniel is terrified to realize Max watching is the only reason he’s getting hard, etc. They fuck women side by side. It’s a mess! They get off, by which i mean daniel watches Max get off and then fakes his but watching max was the best part. After a bit Daniel goes outside bc he thinks he’s going to be sick but he’s not and he just sits on the new wet grass. Max comes out looking for him and somehow they end up just like. sitting in the wet grass and Max lets Daniel hold him and it’s the only thing that calms Daniel down that entire year, it feels like.

6. The emotional narrative here is like. The inherent tragedy of wanting to be the best, wanting to be beloved, wanting a crowd to know your name, and the outlet available to you is a small, brutal, violent activity. Not because there is absolutely no other option— the Viking Diaspora is one of the widest worlds to have existed; there was a rigid social structure, but one with lots of little odd corners and loopholes. But the tragedy comes in any time and place when no one thinks to tell you this. Max’s cats — stolen from the dead, but themselves simply just cats, just little animals that kill birds for food or to show you love — are kind of the nexus of this, somehow. No idea how I would resolve it, frankly, which is partly because i have to write things to know what they’re gonna say!

Further notes: in this verse Alex Albon’s granddad somehow got caught up in the Battle of Talas, probably on the side of the Tibetan Empire and the Caliphate but who knows, politics are big complicated. Like many Talas veterans’ families he lives in Baghdad right now with his mum and his siblings and he’s often very tired. Look if a Tang Chinese general could get lost in Ethiopia for a bit after the Battle of Talas then Alex Albon could be doomed to watch a really weird viking funeral on the banks of the Caspian during a trade mission to meet up with his father. Shit happens to him. Why is that nude viking man holding a torch and covering his anus?? We will never know bc Alex + Ibn Fadlan’s translator wisely chose not to show up that day. Alternatively Alex IS Ibn Fadlan’s translator, which explains why he is very tired.

what the fuck is this one! thanks for playing. i spent two hours researching domestic housecat dispersal theories.

[desire-mona]

dead poets society chars but i assign them random things ive seen happen on the internet / random videos or posts i remember (not based on anything it is genuinely at random):

neil - tony crynight's fnaf animation series which i dont entirely remember the plot of but i'll try to describe. so basically its fake mangle lore to say that mangle is the way they are (all broken and shit) because Mangle kissed Foxy and Chica got jealous so she took a Machete to Mangle to Mangled them. and then the gang tries to save mangle or whatever

todd - fluffle puff, someones pink fluffy mlp oc who was in lesbians with chrysalis (i think thats her name, i never watched mlp). mosy notably known for the animation to pink fluffy unicorns dancing on rainbows. also the creator is a pedophile i think

charlie - sorrow tv and his entire existence. sorrow tv was a youtuber who made videos reading out reddit videos in silly voices. there was a whole posse of youtubers who did this, and he was the most popular just bc his voice acting was rly good. i still watch him every couple months even tho he hasnt posted since 2021.

cameron - does bruno mars is gay? i think about cameron man door hand hook car door every day, so i obviously need to point to my third favourite silly trying to be serious sentence. most ppl know this from game grumps but im not linking a game grumps video on here. rumour come out!

knox - venturiantale, the youtube channel usually consisting of 4? siblings playing gmod together usually. the channel itself was ran by this guy named jordan i think? and his siblings has their own channels. i knew them best for their fnaf gmod videos and their fanmail videos. turns out they were all very christian? and the whole family was abusive and way deep into said christianity if i remember correctly, one of the siblings who left first made a video on it. the venturiantale channel hasnt posted in like 2 yrs and the slow death was kinda sad to see bc he (jordan) blamed it all on The Algorithm.

meeks - that one nagito komaeda kinnie back in Whenever it was cutting off their finger to. i guess prove that they were a nagito kinnie frfr? if u dont know danganronpa lore then nagito gets his hand cut off and replaced with junko enoshima's hand because sheeeee got... executed? i wont lie i dont remember this part of the games story sorry. but essentially that one person was like I Gotta Do That........ anyway im jk the audio was faked and nothing actually happened + the person is fine LAWL

pitts - the key of awesome's parody of tiktok by kesha called glitter puke. theres no lore to this the key of awesome is / was ? a silly little song parody channel. this video was made in 2010 and it kinda shows in some moments but other than that it holds up. just checked and the key of awesome is Not still going, it ended 6 years ago and the last video was actually rly good and genuine

keating - onma island is buried a treasure chest. ok so basically mr beast made a video talking abt a private island and he buried. a treasure chest for a viewer to find. during the video he said "on my island is buried a treasure chest" but it sounded like "onma" which this one youtuber (pinely) found rly funny. it became an inside joke with his friends (one of whom got a tattoo) which then became a lowkey meme. mr beast even tweeted it so. good lord thats a lot of links sorry there isnt a know your meme page or anything

chris - i dont have any links for this one sorry, im just gonna tell the story and u have to believe me when i say i swear it happened (its very a believable fandom story im sure you will). so back when the genshin impact was still in its fairly early days (late 2020-early 2021) the phrase "hear me out" to refer to characters n stuff started becoming popular I THINK at the same time. so people in the genshin fandom were like hear me out with increasingly more heinous shit. started with characters, then npcs, then enemies, then bosses, then weapons, the stamina bar at one point, etc. a lot of these were jokes or straight up bait but back then (maybe now too - i havent been part of the genshin fandom for a LONG time) people took bait far more often than they didnt. so it became a "genshin fandom bad" gotcha to point out That One stamina bar post.

ginny - $300 junko enoshima wig! sorry for double dipping with danganronpa it was just the first fandom i actually started like. on purpose noting fandom happenings with + a lot of shit happens in that fandom. this one cosplayer who at the time was called snowthesaltqueen / badguyincorporated started selling pre-made (and styled) junko enoshima cosplay wigs for $300. which WOULD be fair (i think? idk how cosplay commissions work) if said wig was styled well or quality at all, but what was ACTUALLY provided was a rly basic wig base and few clips with no note or no nothing, and rly flat. like on purpose. like that was "the styling". also you may recognise this cosplayer for 1) getting in trouble when they did a cosplay photoshoot (danganronpa cosplay funnily enough) in a graveyard, posing ON a gravestone. 2) KILLING SOMEONE. they were screwing around with a firearm and fake pointing it at someone and then they accidentally shot them.

i could do this forever like actually. i have SO many internet stories in my brain its actually bad.

[ca-suffit]

I have the same feelings like you regarding season 3. If post s2 had given us interviews with the leads, the writers/showrunner talking about race and the trial, like, anything about the actual story of the season, I might, might, be able to look at s3 promo with a more positive attitude, but we got none of that. All we got was a "romantic" reunion, set-up for a future "less to blame, more a victim" Lestat and Louis who has already forgiven him. We also got a showrunner who talks about how much he wanted to do this show to adapt tvl. What does that tell me, someone who enjoyed the first 2 seasons immensely, when the showrunner says, that was all basically just pre-story, the thing he is actually passionate about will be this. It feels like they just wanted to get it over with to get to this, the white man's return. I knew about the books, but wasn't aware of the tone change, but before the s2 finale I would have said, they could still pull it off, but with every single thing I heard about season 3 up until now, I simply do not think so. They will promote the shit out of rockstar Lestat (more promo than any of the other seasons probably got, wonder why....) and they still could turn this into a much more serious story later in the season, but given that the show runner once again, stated that the show the fans knew is over, that does not appear to be the plan. I loved the gothic horror of s1 and 2, I had issues with some of the choices, no show is perfect, but I loved it. I hate that I still feel attached to the show or at least what it was.

The one thing I disagree with you is the vierwership, I can see more people turning in for s3, because Lestat is so "cunty, funny, evil" whatever, none of what has happened in the prior season will matter anymore.

"The one thing I disagree with you is the vierwership, I can see more people turning in for s3, because Lestat is so "cunty, funny, evil" whatever, none of what has happened in the prior season will matter anymore."

I do think it'll get more viewership in general, but I was thinking about specifically losing a large part of their black viewers to this and historically how that has gone for anything.

It also depends how they're going to address 1x5 anymore. If the trial version is all the commentary we get then there goes everything. Lestat still does a lot of heinous shit but, if Sam's commentary is anything go by, there's gonna be a big excuse for that at the end anyway. I'm still hanging on to see exactly what's shown in the series itself but S2 made me less enthusiastic. They've been softer on Lestat thru even more of his physically brutal scenes in the books but have no problem burning Louis multiple times fsr (none of which are book canon for these show events). Even when Sam pushed for it they didn't do it (the reunion). It all feels gross.

But, ya, I agree with u. I try to not doom spiral but it's harder to keep that mindset with all the fuckery between show and production for S2. I just don't think they give a shit.

[poetryandfluffycats]

i need tsumugi to fuck me so bad. i need him to be rough too, i know realistically he would be too scared to but im thinking w my pussy rn. i need him to bend me over his work desk and fuck the ever living shit out of me whilst whispering the most heinous things in my ears. i need him to call me a slut for getting so wet by him js degrading me OH MY GODD i am such a whore for that man!!!!!!!!!!!

- 🦎anon

realistically mugi is one of the softest doms I ever did see but we can all dream. he's grunter grunting all in ur ear calling u a slut and a whore and all that good shit while he's fucking you roughhhhh and u just straight up can't talk cuz he's so good🤍 smth about a sweet man turning into an animal in bed just gets to me yk?

you can just tell he's big too. not too thick, but long. he's going so fast and keeps hitting those spots deep inside you. mugi big dick energy. I am on my knees. mugi fuckers unite

[therosevest]

bitch post time!!!!!! many revelations ok last night's vibes were HEINOUS but it provided so much for me and lydia to talk about and now i am gonna share with you yippee storytime

k so we plan to go to this valentines day showcase thing that the college radio is putting on last night. mind you at my place of work where i pretended that i had a family emergency and had to go home cause i didnt feel like going into work yesterday morning lol idiot... i was so paranoid my boss was there in disguise or some shit it was stupid. sorry um. yeah so ok i was largely like this could be a chance for friend groups to come together and maybe ill be able to talk to sams roommate and also like i do want to see more live music and it's free! so. anyway ok wait let me tell u abt the first part of the day

so me and lydia drive over some wine bottles to sam for him to use as props in a film. and sam and the roommate are sitting on their porch and we chat a little bit acc sam said as i walked up 'you always look so suspicious' and i was like 'ok u guys were literally just staring at me' cause they WERE and roommate was actually really nicely like 'oh no you're okay' and generally was just kind of inserting into our convo which well i had fun with naturally. um anyway and then who comes running up but teko! our buddy teko. and sams like have yall met and im like Of course and teko gives me a hug and i cant lie it was actually so sweet. i am also extremely touch starved but it was a nice hug. anyway. then i had to help roommate pick shoes alongside teko's fit and then i was like um Ok Bye. when i got back in the car lydia was like so i saw a neon sweatshirt... and i was like yeah <3 that's my man <3 sorry ok vibes get worse as the night comes

me and lydia end up getting to sam's late to 'pregame' this show and ig it was supposed be like. it was encouraged to dress formally. and i was wearing a dress that was too small and my chappell red tights and docs. kind of a serve but me and lydia were serving much more valentines day than formal. anyway. roommate does swing around to be like hi! and THEN i see my girl chloe i looooove her shes so fuckin funny and weird and we made this weird little short together in class last semester and i was kinda intimidated by her so i was so happy shocked when she was like I was so excited to see u :D WEEE shes so cool guys and has the funniest fuckin laugh and well honestly the high points of the night were us and lydia fucking around and dancing and being weird and offputting wallflowers cause again this thing SUCKED. ok

we did also smoke beforehand and i accidentally took this huge hit and then thought id be fine w a little more but brother was i feeling funny. did not eat enough and didnt take water it was atrocious. so. we get there and let me tell you if I WAS WORKING i'd have been able to fix the fact that it was soooooooooo fucking loud in there like bad bad bad audio distortion etc i wanted to kick this dude off the mixer but like what ever... it hurt so bad. and the lights were mostly on until chloe and sam duped this guy into dimming some of them but even still it was giving middle school dance. without the fun cheesy music. some of my instagram gay people are there. um but sorry there was simply no way i was going near that dance floor like the bands lowkey highkey sucked (i mean it was just a bunch of white college dudes and they did not slay. shocker. sam kept being like 'they're so good' and we were like um haha... straight face emoji)

we acc disappeared for a while to another floor for the br and just chilled for like half an hour (and security came to find us lmfaooo but ended up just leaving) and i was feeling odd and out of body and too aware of how i looked and it was just not great i was like we're the only bitches serving cunt here... um. anywho. so like later theres a slow dance and roommate is dancing with this other girl i only know from instagram till this point and i suppose if i was really feeling myself i could have tried to make a move but i was not. once again. vile vibes in this place. like i dont mean to be a pussy i typically would be much more charming and fun if i wanted to flirt and kinda felt the vibe from them but i was not really enjoying myself LMAO

then some more of the friend group shows up at the end and sam's like 'drama is actively going down' and im like Wuhhhh the fuck and i feel like a few of them r looking at me and i was just like get me OUT of here but for some fuck ass reason was still like nooooo we should go over and have pizza w sam and them. forgive me for thinking they had like frozen pizza or smth and i could get some free food out of this no we had to sit there and wait for dominos or whatever

AND THE MOST ANNOOOOOOOOOOOYING AWFUL TERRIBLE GROSS MEN YOUVE EVER MET SAT THERE AND JOINED THE BRIEF SMOKE CIRCLE AND THEN WERE JUST THERE AND LIKE YOU COULD JUST FEEL THEM TAKING UP SPACE AND US 'GIRLS' WERE MADE TO FEEL SO SMALL ON THE FUCKING COUCH I WAS SOOOOOOOO TIRED. had to get a sweater cause i felt so uncomfortable. girl i really was only there in case i could have a saving grace moment with roommate im so serious. well and for chloe but otherwise me and lydia shoulda been outta there

literally chloe was so excited to show our little video to people and sam cut us off from getting there to show us the fucking fidget spinner game he has on his tv. girl get out! oh my fucking god. finally lydias like Cool anyway so - like sams misogyny jumped out in previously unprecedented ways. it was bad. these boys were truly making me want to kill myself im sorry like it was so bad i have curated my experience so as to be away from that for so long it was really jarring. and what you need to understand about sam is that he's almost died twice and kind of has a funny little gender vibe going on and so for a while now yeah we've gotten along through silly odd things we relate through but holy shit....... that was so offputting i cant even wrap my brain around it

also sam very much walked me into like yaoi-fying him and his best friend and then was like haha noooo why r u calling us gay ur so weird bitch just fuck him already im tired and also dont care.. hes so attention seeking and not used to um not being the center of attention. sorry! oopsies anyway so

so then im like ew like i kinda need to reassess um. the people im around. and again cant stress enough how gross and judged and just kinda old i felt surrounded by these ppl even tho theyre all like within a year of age? and like roommate still seems maybe cool but since we didnt actually talk and they were off w the other roommate/other ppl i cant help but associate them w the odd vibes but like. honestly idk i might just try to uh slide into their dms rlly casually. bc. well idk how the friend group is fracturing and it wouldnt surprise me if they were annoyed with sam esp living with him but obv i dont really know. but again let me stress this friend group has been friends since their freshman year like what r yall doing yeah u do need to break up....

so i figure since they're hot (and kinda tiny i cant tell if they're shorter than me or just right around my height) (but also they kind of scared me by giving Instagram face while posing for a pic last night i cant do any more people giving off dorian gray rn. but i was also under the influence so um that didnt help) i could just yeah be brave see how it goes and worst case scenario it's not a vibe yk. and best case scenario i get to hang w them and teko. teko so gives francis. anyway

OH also sam and the friends insisted on listening to this ai generated… thing like idk guys i think i was in hell fr

also had several men yell out of their cars at me and staring at me as we walked to the bus stop :/ so men really do ruin everything btw

um. so. that was the night! thx for reading if u did. i am excited to be around other fun silly cool queer people god bless fuck these people

[dolciume]

started talking to a new guy, was only friends. could tell he was a little interested and was less interested when we exchanged pics. which is okay - i’m not entitled to a stranger being into me xD me and this guy would exchange long messages, friendly not flirty, and then i go to the chat room which we met on and he says that 1) body positivity has gone too far 2) too many fat girls like him

WTF? he was getting roasted by some other guy but i can assure u NO fat girls like him, hence why skinny women also don’t like him.

imagine getting close to a friend for a week and he’s saying the most heinous shit behind ur back when he thinks u will never see it… LITERAL freak

[queenofbaws]

these weeks just...just keep comin, huh??? like they don't stop or something ;P

another quick update from queenie hq: things are going to c o n t i n u e to be sporadic and strange on my end for the next couple weeks. i'm going to be hosting family, again, until roughly the end of the month, so alas, i'm not anticipating a ton of writing time. or relaxing time. or time where i'm not gritting my jaw and screaming internally. SUCH IS LIFE!

however, i'm totally psyched to report i fiiinally got to cross one long-running wip off my list (the tale(s) of the champion), and oooh the feeling of seeing a complete checkmark for that baby over on ao3 is fueling the fire for me to wrap some others up too ;P my plan for the time being is still to try and get out a chapter or two of like wringing blood in the near future, but i'm also going to be working on finally wrapping of mummy men & bathtub soup so i can open the door for other CREEPs projects. we shall see.

as always, i've thrown some snippets under the cut - strictly supermassive projects this time, hehe - and i hope you're all doing well <3

of mummy men & bathtub soup

“Uh huh. Look. I’m sure you guys have something hilarious planned for me tonight. Another A+ jumpscare courtesy of Washington Pictures, Inc. And I’m also sure that the more of this crap you get me to gobble up, the antsier all your cloak and daggers bullshit makes me, the funnier it’ll be when I fall into a swoon or whatever, but it’s not happening. Am I the brightest bulb in the lamp? No! I’m not! Am I the sort of moron who gets bit by a dog and tries to pet it a second time? Also no!”

Sam had barely started shaking her head when Fliss joined them, an unspoken question in her eyes. She latched onto her instead. “People keep talking about last night. I've heard someone mention weird stuff happening on at least three separate occasions already, so if anyone could give me just a little context, that would be so great.”

“Weird is…one way to put it,” Fliss said. “It’s not the word I would’ve picked. Freakish, maybe. Terrifying, definitely. It must’ve taken you guys forever to set that up! It was—”

“Oh no,” she breathed, dropping her head into her hands. Conrad almost expected her to sink into a nearby chair or go full-on crisscross-applesauce on the floor, so intense was her reaction. She didn’t: If anything, she set her shoulders and squared herself off, assuming the air of a battle-hardened soldier. “Okay. Okay. Okay. Listen to me. I know you think this is about you because you think everything’s about you, but I am telling you, it's not."

upcoming CREEPs project with a title that 100% spoils ALL the surprise of it and thus will not yet be included asdlkfjalskjfklsjdf

“Any word from our housetergeist?”

“Uh, not unless they suddenly share yours and Josh’s love of absolutely inscrutable inside jokes,” Ashley called back, equal measures relieved and disappointed to see the fridge decorated with the same message the guys had put up before their trip: DO THE BARTMAN. Rolling her eyes, she pulled the door open and rummaged around, making a happy little sound when she spotted what she’d wanted. “Hey,” she called again, “are you gonna be upset with me if I drink the last cream soda?”

“Josh might be!”

“I wasn’t asking about Josh, you dip! I was asking about you!”

“Oh. Then, yeah, heartbroken. I-I-I don’t know how I’ll survive! I might have to reassess this whole relationship thing. Honestly, I can’t believe you’d do something as heinous as drink the last cream soda! I thought I meant something to you!”

She grabbed the can and shut the door, groaning, “Ha ha,” before stopping cold.

The fridge magnets had moved.

a fic that started as a joke post but now has almost 40k words written for it

“Hey,” he said, giving the grate a hard shake. They all winced, pulling even farther away until they pretty much fell on top of each other. “Chill. They’re fuckin’ dead. Shit’s fine. Don’t be weird about it.”

Good deed done, he turned back around to rejoin the guys, and—fuck.

Right away, Bobby knew he didn’t like the way Chris was sizing them up. He didn’t know why he didn’t like it, he just knew it spelled trouble, one way or another.

Jack seemed to agree with him. “No,” he said long before Chris even opened his mouth. “Whatever it is you’re brewing in that snowglobe you call a skull, quit while you’re ahead. Or while you still have a head.”

“Your plan didn’t work.” For someone who usually stayed at base during their hunts on account of ‘not wanting to die the world’s stupidest death,’ Chris sure was sticking his finger awfully close to Jack’s face. That was biting range. And Jack could move quick when he wanted to. “Your plan worked even less,” he continued, moving that finger to Travis’s face instead, and Jesus Christ, that was worse!

Travis didn’t answer him. Not at first. He sucked his teeth, though. Stared at Chris’s finger. Probably thought about breaking it off if he didn’t get it out of his face. “If you don’t get that outta my face, I will break it off, so help me God.”

Yeah. Checked out.

[jayextee]

RAGE 2

In a turn of events that will shock and appal anybody who knows me personally, I'm in love with a polarising game.

"In love" is too strong a term, perhaps. The thing is, every 'RAGE 2 is shit' take I see on the Internet, the harder I wanna double-down on being a fan of this game. And its prequel, yes, I am one of the three who love it.

What we have here though, is an awkward marriage between Avalanche Studios' openworld design a la the excellent Mad Max and id Software's trademark (if you ignore DOOM 3, as I often do) brand of satisfying shootybangs. It works as much as it doesn't, so I'm gonna go through the good, the bad, and the ugly right here.

The Good

Oh for crying out loud, RAGE 2 is a beautiful game. Although sadly lacking some of the stylisation of the original game (which reminded me personally of those late '90s fully-painted 2000AD strips and covers, niiiiice...) but now we have colour! And absolutely oodles of the stuff, including my beloved pink; used to great effect to draw attention to and highlight important interactables or areas. This lends itself to a visual clarity that supplants the gunplay excellently.

And of the gunplay, oh, I have some words. They're all good words. RAGE was no sloucher in this department itself, so build upon that absolutely solid base with a bunch of Nanotrite-fuelled abilities to spice up battlefield agility and strategy and we have ourselves one hell of a fun time. Even the vehicular combat has seen a welcome shot in the arm, although it's not quite as satisfying as that seen in Mad Max, it's still pretty fun to take down the endlessly-respawning convoys across the wasteland.

The Bad

That aforementioned wasteland. 'Waste' is indeed the operative term there; for there's a lot of empty space. Now, I don't play a lot of openworld games at all (RAGE, Mad Max, and the Arkham games are basically my entire diet) so this could be par for the course. But so much of it's just

s t r e t c h e d - o u t

and lulls between that satisfying gunplay can be pretty large sometimes. Especially stings when engaging with the openworld is pretty much the meat of the game's filler content, even when playing for a minimal 'see the ending' run.

This is lessened somewhat with certain lategame vehicles (I'd have gone insane were it not for the Icarus, I tells ya) but still. Look, I've already said I like this game a lot, are you expecting a whole itinerary of complaints here?

The Ugly

Not literally ugly, as this is a great-looking game through and through. But there are bugs. Ragdoll bugs, floating prop bugs, frozen physics object bugs, enemies stomping the player through the floor bugs, invisible NPC bugs; even a particularly-heinous game-breaker that can happen literally as the final mission is supposed to trigger that so far, fingers crossed, I've managed to avoid on both a casual playthrough and a completionist one. But hey, I guess this is technically A Bethesda Game™ and I gather that pretty much goes with the territory at this point.

Also it's worth noting that the game fucking loves the Cyber-Crusher boss and there are a few of those. They don't get any more difficult each time either, it's just the one boss again. And again. And so forth.

Conclusion

It's good! I like it a lot! Even love, to spite The Internet in general because I love to cheer on any underdog I see; imagined or otherwise. It's got some flaws but I was very much willing to overlook these things for a game that, although I couldn't say was unilaterally-superior to its prequel, does nonetheless take some steps to improve upon it. And it has a proper final boss encounter as well, instead of, well, just a room that the original game had.

Unpopular opinion maybe, I wish they'd do a third. 4/5

[catchingpapermoons]

top 10 fics by kudos

hi it’s me @drysdaales :) so my top ten kudos’d fics and whether i agree with where they’ve landed? i’m going to play a little differently and bc i have apparently been writing for a long while (am i old?) i’m going to take my top 3 kudos’d fics from from my most recent fandoms and just put those in order of kudos (plus a bonus fic to make ten) so here we go! ty @hard4softthings for the tag i appreciate u ❣️ under a cut (hopefully pls mobile)

10. you’re alive (so alive) (jatp | gen fic)

agree/disagree: i’m choosing disagree only bc this is one of the best things i’ve ever written and it wasn’t appreciated enough. sometimes we all need to explore grief through a children’s show right??

9. too soft for all of it (hrpf | jdtz, slice of life + h/c)

agree/disagree: i have zero complaints about this fic and i’m proud of myself for this being my second foray into hrpf fandom. to all who read and enjoyed, i see u and thank u kindly for giving her love!

8. you’re the only one my heart keeps coming back to (jatp | reggiealex, non-ghost college au)

agree/disagree: i’m gonna disagree on this one but that’s only bc it reads a little too much like a soap opera to me. but i’m glad it found a home where people enjoyed :)

7. wherever you stray, i follow (jatp | phantoms poly, canon compliant)

agree/disagree: yeah i love this one it feels right to be here

6. wanna feel your heart (hrpf | mat/tito, multiple universes)

agree/disagree: i know why it landed and i see the appeal in it and i went back and read comments on it the other day and was just pleased as punch to see how people interpreted it! i wrote this fic in 2018 (!!!) at a time where i was going through something heinous and i was so young and just wanted to be in control of something. i’ve done better work since, but i love her for what she is.

5. so quiet in the world tonight (hrpf | jdtz, idiots taking care of a baby)

agree/disagree: yes. wholeheartedly. tbh i reread this fic sometimes bc i love it. i wrote this shit for me and she unironically slaps

4. here everyone knows you’re the way to my heart (rnm | malex, spec fic, bonus fic bc i love her dearly)

agree/disagree: i do agree with this one though it’s placement as to how many kudos it received is wild to me! i’m immensely proud of this fic and i loved what i wrote here.

3. you remind me of home (oh, baby, merry christmas) (911 | buddie)

agree/disagree: i have no idea what y’all saw in this but good for you! it’s a silly little christmas fic TO ME but for some reason i get kudos and comments at all times of the year. thanks cuties

2. across our great divide (a glorious sunrise) (911 | buddie, therapy as a plot device)

agree/disagree: i love this fic so much. the reaction to it was so cool. i loved the insane amount of comments i got telling me how masterfully i’d written bc i love hearing i did a good job but i also loved people telling me how it made them feel.

1. when i was shipwrecked (i thought of you) (911 | buddie, canon-adjacent)

agree/disagree: i have no idea what made this one hit for you. i am SO happy it did, but it’s insane to me. i love that you love it because its made ME love it more. this is my most kudos’d fic and it’s bonkers bananas to me !!!

extra bonus! a fic that deserves more love is dance for all that we’ve been through because i wrote 61k of an entire ballet au and relived all my old ballet trauma and this girl did NOT get her flowers :/ to date it’s probably my best work and it’s ok that it didn’t get received as well but also… it’s good ok!!!

tagging my bbs @smileymikey @inthekitchenmp3 and uhhhh whoever else wants to lmao

[virgil-says-things]

fuck it hey hi I'm back at this again KENDJFNF

'I'm not even thinking about your dick. In my dad's mouth. I'm not." Jimmy. please. watching him have a crisis is funny but he needs to leave Ian alone he's just tryna eat his toast 😭

"too busy to help your old man?" (Frank) "yes! forever." (Lip)

at least Carl no longer believes he has cancer

'can I kiss u?' (Ned) the IMMEDIATE no from Ian made me laugh 😭

Ian isn't actually going to rob Ned's house for him. right?

Carl's learning that gay people exist

'i hit something!' (Hank) yeah, the sewer line. no bones in sight yet (Frank, Carl and Hank (?) are trying to find aunt ginger's bones before the people that are going to be working on the sewer line do)

'i think Karen messed u up bad' (Kevin, talking to Lip) uh oh!

"dude's got daddy issues. no wonder u dig him." (Lip) "I can hear u!" (Jimmy)

it's 5am and I'm listening to Sheila admit she likes inflicting sexual pain to a dying nun who took a vow of silence is this scene over now.

Mandy and Ian leaving the room and turning the lights off when they go and Carl immediately saying 'I need to know where the gay wieners go.' 😭

OMG. MICKEY!!!! Mickey helping Ian with training yet starts shooting more when Ned is mentioned (I'm definitely reaching here but shush. I call jealousy.' ALSO. 'he isn't afraid to kiss me' (Ian). ouch!!! the SILENCE from Mickey after that.

"no, please just go home. Mandy. to ur own fucking house for once." (Lip) this makes me so sad!! because I can tell Mandy actually feels for smth for him. and it's just. agh!! the silence from all three of them (Kevin's there too) is so loud. Mandy's gone tho so. she was just trying to help!!

Debbie's sexualising herself to try to fit in. those girls are such assholes what the fuck.

"Just because Karen wiped her ass with you doesn't give you the right to shit on Mandy.' Ian has a point and I'm so glad someone's actually sticking up for her

Fiona dumping the news that Molly isn't actually a girl on him and then leaving Lip to deal with the aftermath of that 😭

Sheila found out the nun that she confessed everything to posted about it on the internet 😭

this argument. holy shit. Jimmy had some good points tho ngl

Lip leaving Karen a voicemail just telling her everyone's doing great and then going "Just in case you were wondering. You selfish, ignorant, heinous piece of dog shit. Thank you for leaving and never coming back. You - We all owe you a huge fucking favour. You rock." 😭

Jimmy's gone and they still haven't found aunt ginger

HE'S FUCKING ESTEFANIA????? or well. Este's fucking him. he doesn't seem like he's enjoying this at all??

personally, if I were Mandy, I'd make Lip at least say the words 'I'm sorry' before going down there but that's just me

AW NOOOO THEY'RE CUDDLING (SORT OF) WHILE WATCHING FIREWORKS BUT MANDY'S LOOKING AT LIP INSTEAD. THE SMILE ON HER FACE OH MY GOD. WHY CAN'T SOMEONE LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT.

OH MY GOD OH MY GOD!!!!! OHHHH MY GOD! MICKEY AND HIS BROTHERS? COUSINS? I CAN'T REMEMBER. R GOING TO ROB THE HOUSE WHILE IAN WAITS OUTSIDE. MICKEY RAN BACK AND KISSED IAN. WHAT THE FUCKKKK.

Ned's wife woke up while Mickey and one of the other two were trying to get the grandfather clock out of the house. and she came down the stairs with a gun. "You got shot Mickey!" (Ian) "Yes, I fucking know I got shot!" (Mickey) 😭 the amount of times the word 'fuck' was said in this scene 😭

I don't know who this woman is with the glasses and ponytail in the car but the warnings the other one gave her about the Gallagher's made laugh. 'say their names slowly and calmly' 😭

Debbie's drowning one of the girls that messed with her beforehand and I'm all for it tbh

THE WOMAN WITH THE GLASSES AND PONYTAIL IS BRITNEY STURGES FROM CPS OH NO. OH NO!!! MICKEY'S BULLET WOUND IS BEING TREATED, MOLLY IS IN A BIKINI (??) FIONA FOUND THE BONES. CPS IS HERE AT THE WORST TIME. UH OH!! DEBBIE CAME IN BRAGGING ABOUT WHAT SHE DID. OH FUCK.

Sheila dumped the nun somewhere else - outside a church I think? idk - the way she runs away made me laugh

[bioethicists]

if it’s not too nosy to ask (pls ignore if so) how did you arrive at doing case management and how do you like it? i have similar values in terms of like interest in health and med anthro in an anti-psych/institutions way nd am trying to figure out in what capacities i can work in health related fields while honoring those values lol,,, thank u i love ur blog

haha so i kind of hate it rn + am leaving in may so take that was u will! i wouldn't necessarily say case management is an easy place to have these values but i am in a unique position where i'm not licensed so therefore am actually banned from (thus not instructed to) doing most of the heinous shit- i am never involved in the process of diagnosing, treating, or incarcerating a client. an msw or similar clinical degree would demand that i be more involved with that process

i live in MA which has a unique program called the BHCP program (through our Medicaid, MassHealth)+ my technical title is "care coordinator" but this is largely a smokescreen for (even more) underpaid case management. my primary job is to obtain + maintain services for my clients, such as SSI, specialists, housing, food stamps, etc. i also spend a lot of time doing stuff i'm not technically supposed to do- help clients read their mail, help with court cases, help dealing with child support etc. i am about 90% of the time able to help ppl in a way that i don't feel icky about.

the cost- i make 39k a year to case manage up to 65 clients who i have to contact at least once a month. many of them have issues far beyond my scope but i am the only person willing or able to work with them. social services in MA, arguably one of the best states for social services in the country, are an absolute shitshow- i spend about 33% of my job trying to force other ppl to do theirs. get me a client that speaks only spanish and the services become essentially unnavigable. masshealth randomly decides we need to improve quantitative performance measures that have 0 bearing on the actual quality of our clients' lives so we are routinely chastised for not meeting stupid paperwork requirements (what percentage of clients have their race and ethnicity recorded in their file? did you check the right boxes on their yearly assessment?) which seems to matter way more to the state (which, through its other departments, is causing most of the problems i'm being paid by them to solve???) than actually helping them. also, the emotional impact is rough + most of my coworkers cope by hardening themselves, othering our clients/getting angry with them, or giving up altogether.

it's just not feasible or HUMAN to expect someone to be able to go to someone's home, hear a story of their brutal assault by the same man you're helping them demand child support from, lock eyes with the child you know in your heart is never going to see a dollar of his dad's money because the child support case is almost definitely a dead end, then go home and do 6 more hours of paperwork. they tell us we're supposed to compartmentalize + shut off empathy in order to function at our job (real thing they tell us in training!) and like... fuck that. i'm not smothering my humanity in order to meet performance requirements- except the alternative is working yourself to the brink of suicide lmao.

that being said, i didn't always feel like this (first two years were easier) and i have some pretty intense personal circumstances complicating it (dead brother, raging eating disorder, etc). i do feel like i have been able to make real + tangible impacts in others' lives, learned how to navigate the system well enough to use that knowledge in more radical spaces, build human connections with people who have never had that with providers before. having a radical perspective on the system will save you from a lot of burnout because you won't be one of the naive ones who think that social services + "educating" your clients will fix all their problems. most of the problems i am describing above are going to be present in almost all health/social services fields. if the state funds it, this is what they will do to it.

i'm going back to school in september + my goal is to pursue full time ethnographic research while utilizing my skills at navigating social services to assist ppl on a person to person level. in terms of how i got here- graduated dec 18, worked in residential mental health for like 2 months before fully cementing that there was no ethical way to do so (and getting horrifyingly triggered by it) -> americorps position at a local hospital doing community outreach during the day + nursing home/private duty elder care at night -> current job