#things to experiment with when i am not at work...

[drchucktingle]

how are you human?

so many interesting comments and thoughts on my post saying buds should consider not coming up to strangers in marginalized groups and saying 'how are you a real person that actually exists?'. i will point out this: despite my VERY gentle tone a few buds said i was having a 'meltdown' for even mentioning it

others said i was being too serious for someone who is ‘not a real person’. so if you would any more evidence of what it is like to be a buckaroo like myself there it is. every day, autistic folks who may seem ‘weird’ are bombarded with messages and comments and implications that they are fundamentally not human beings

sometimes it is outright and blatant like the comments on last post saying ‘well why are you getting mad? you are not even real’ and sometimes it is in the very subtle ways that folks use language when they talk to us. there is huge difference between ‘how do you exist?’ and ‘i am glad you exist.’

anyway, something that i think many people who have not lived this experience dont seem to understand is i KNOW the poster who said ‘how are you a real person that actually exists’ probably meant it as a compliment. that is THE POINT of why i am taking a moment out of my trot to gently and anonymously let them know how it might feel to be on other end of something like this as a queer or autistic or otherwise marginalized buckaroo. it is obviously not their intent to actually hurt someone, so i am letting them know

maybe because queerness and autism are not physically apparent it is hard to explain, but imagine going up to very tall or very short person and saying ‘cant BELIEVE you are real’ as a compliment. not a great way to treat others. on my original post, an indigenous author chimed in with their own experience and feelings similar to my own. a woman who said she was very tall told her story. point is, while i do not have their experience, what i am saying has a universal thread for 'othered' folks

point is: i UNDERSTAND there is this sort of exaggerated or ironic (or maybe even sometimes very literal) language around fandom to say things like ‘how are you a human?’ to creators, but since it is not your intent to hurt, i think you might want to know how that feels to marginalized buckaroos sometimes.

obviously you can say anything you want. i do not hold it against you. also, if you think ‘oh no, did i say something like this to chuck at a convention? i am so embarrassed' then DO NOT WORRY i promise you buckaroo you are just fine. i present myself in a way that is unusual by definition, so i have pretty thick skin about this type of thing and a lot of patience. MANY buds start off thinking i am ‘a joke’ and then become fans over time and i am glad to trot beside them and prove love is real.

however there are other autistic or queer or marginalized buckaroos with smaller platforms who hear this just as much as me, so i think it is important to say it loudly and maybe together we can work on making a very slight shift in the way we speak to the ‘others’ in our lives

we do not NEED to let subtle dehumanization slip into our language. in some cases it has been called ‘micro aggressions’ but i think buds dont often consider what that means for COMPLIMENTS. ultimately, telling marginalized people YOU ARE SO AMAZING YOU CANNOT POSSIBLY EXIST may seem very fun and silly on the surface and for some folks it probably feels that way, but for others it can feel like a reminder of the broader doubt about their humanity. you can just say ‘YOU ARE AMAZING’ without the reminder of the many times autistic or queer or marginalized folks are told in a very serious and pointed way (like comments on the last post) ‘YOU ARE SO WEIRD THAT I HAVE DECIDED YOU ARE NOT REAL’

buckaroos can take this information and apply it to their interactions, or they can ignore it, that is totally fine. we are all trotting our own trots and proving love in our own way and thats okay bud, HOWEVER i feel like it is important to at least let folks know, even if that means getting told i am having a ‘meltdown’. i think it is important to have complex or difficult conversations if it will prove a little more love in the long run. THANK YOU FOR READING BUCKAROOS. i am honored to trot forward with you can tackle this kind of thing with you, and honored you buckaroos have created such an amazing space with me to pull apart these kind of feelings. THIS IS PROOF THAT LOVE IS REAL LETS TROT

[ariatwang]

I'm from what I've taken to calling a ghost city.

The population peaked in 1960 and since then it's just slowly...disintegrated is the best word I can think of. We have half the population now that we did then. All the companies and factories and plants up and left and took the jobs and the money and the people with them. Probably half the buildings you'll see are abandoned and there are old forgotten, run-down train tracks lying across most of the bigger roads because we were a major train depot during the Civil War but we haven't had much use for them since them. (What used to be the primary depot then is now our farmer's market, though, and they kept all of the original building so it still looks the part, which is cool.) It's silent in a very particular way.

Also, every single one of the old old buildings, which is most of them, is very very haunted. I'm not BSing, I know from experience because I've worked in a lot of them and possibly the most haunted is drumroll please, my middle and high school. I've got stories, man. You don't live here and not believe in ghosts. You'll get laughed at like you would get laughed at elsewhere for insisting that they're real.

It is a fucking weird way to grow up. You watch all the cities in the country's population lines climb higher year after year when the censuses come out while yours is slowly falling. You see pictures from the heyday of the 50s and early 60s of the theaters and streets that look so very familiar because you've walked down them at night when it's so quiet you can hear each individual breath you take and those same streets are packed with people so tight their shoulders touch, and you think, holy shit, is that really the same place I'm from? The same one where just 2/3 of the physical city is inhabited? It's kind of unnerving for a kid to realize that her city, her hometown, is actively dying right in front of her, and has been and will be her whole life.

I've never lived anywhere else so I don't know anything else. The house I grew up in had an overgrown pine tree completely covering the front of it so that you can't even see it from the street, a back deck almost completely rotted away by the time we sold it, mold in the attic that made the ceiling sag, and a kitchen floor that was actively trying to cave in below us for as long as I can remember. You have to walk like a ballerina. I taught myself to fix it to the extent I could, which was not a lot, with a can of caulk and painter's tape when I was about ten. That's pretty close to the standard for around here. Point is, I don't have a notion of home that's founded on forward motion. It really got to me for a long time.

But a ghost city like this, the thing is, it attracts the photographers and the historians and the independent journalists. They want to write down the ghost stories and photograph the pictures of decay, which they find to be full of meaning and wonder. I've talked to a few of them and they always hang on to every word I have to say about this place I've grown up.

They take pictures of the secluded houses with the plants overtaking the foundation and the windows broken and the boards missing, stolen by God knows what, rain or hustlers or time.

I, a lifelong native, am still processing the gift that comes naturally to the ghost city's version of tourists: to look what seems to have just taken a breath and then never exhaled and see the colors of memory, the preservation of life in the last breath you can still see the place holding instead of the fingerprints of death in the ending of the thing.

[cybrasigilism]

NSFW alphabet with Player 230 (Thanos/Choi Su-bong)

warnings: smut and all things of the like, of course | not proofread! | lowercase intended | these are my head canons for this character, please be respectful even if my opinions for the character differ from your own

character: player 230 (thanos/choi su-bong)

A/N: these are way too much fun to do, any letters in the alphabet that i skip are just ones i either couldn’t think of for the character or i didn’t feel comfortable writing about! also, thank you so much for the love on my min-su alphabet! i am currently working on a requested se-mi x f!reader fanfic but consider this a writers warm up! p.s welcome to the thanos world 😈🤟

MDNI! 18+ content ahead, reader discretion is advised!

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A= Aftercare what are they like after sex?

↳ you know damn well that this man knows very little about aftercare. don’t get him wrong, he will do the bare minimum just to make sure you aren’t in any genuine pain, but aside from that, don’t expect much

B= Body part their favourite body part of theirs and of their partner’s

↳ due to the fact that thanos clearly loves himself so much, i would be surprised if there was a part of his body he didn’t like. however, when it comes down to it, he’ll most likely choose his dick as being his own “favourite” body part. as for his partner, he is an ass man and comes by it very honestly

C= Cum anything to do with cum, honestly

↳ he almost never cums inside, most of the time he will cum on your back/stomach (it all depends on what position you guys are in)

D= Dirty secret what dirty secrets do they have?

↳ he’s a switch. do with this what you will

E= Experience how experienced are they? do they know what their doing?

↳ i want you to look me in the eyes and tell me this man isn’t experienced. of course he knows what he’s doing. in fact, he may be a little too experienced. but fret not, he will get tested if you ask him to

F= Favourite position this one speaks for itself

↳ Doggy style, without a doubt. he loves that he can grab your hair and pull you back into it as he fucks you. (its also a great opportunity to bite your neck)

G= Goofy how serious are they in the moment? are they humorous etc.

↳ he takes sex very seriously, but he will probably crack a mocking joke at your expense in the heat of the moment

I= Intimacy how are they in the moment, the romantic aspect?

↳ he’s not exactly comfortable with intimacy, solely because of how vulnerable he feels. but, if you insist on taking things slower and softer, he won’t object

J= Jack off masturbation headcanons

↳ he likes to watch porn to get off, but he doesn’t need it. phone sex is also a big yes for him

K= Kink one or more of their kinks

↳ degradation, DACRYPHILIA, and bondage. need i say more?

L= Location favourite places to do the do

↳ thanos does not strike me as someone who would be opposed to public sex. anywhere that you two can be concealed is fair game for him

M= Motivation what turns them on, gets them going?

↳ no surprise, dirty talk totally gets him going. also if you match his energy and act like a little brat? you will be walking funny for a few days and that’s a guarantee

N= No something they won’t do

↳ anal, thats an exit only area (this includes pegging)

O= Oral preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.

↳ in the words of lil wayne, he’ll eat it ‘til you cry, call that whine and dine. he doesn’t have a preference in giving or receiving, but if he’s the one getting head, you best believe you’ll be deepthroating him

P= Pace are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.

↳ if it were up to him, rough sex would be the only sex you guys had. he’s willing to accommodate, but he might jokingly be begrudging to do so

Q= Quickie their opinions on quickies, are they game and how often?

↳ he’s always down for a quickie, he finds them super hot

R= Risk are they game to experiment? do they take risks?

↳ of course! he lives by the “try everything once” motto, and he really does mean everything. how else are you supposed to figure out what you like?

S= Stamina how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last? etc.

↳ whether it’s the drugs or not, his stamina is almost frightening. he could probably last for hours if you let him, especially if he pops an ecstasy pill beforehand. at most, he could go up to 12 minutes per round

T= Toys do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or on themselves?

↳ he’s definitely got a few toys of his own, mainly ones he can use on his partner. if he really wants to be mean he’ll tease you with a vibrator while he hits it from the back

U= Unfair how much they like to tease

↳ he loves to tease you, to see how far he can push your buttons. he secretly loves it when you tease him too

V= Volume how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.

↳ when he tops, he’s not much of a moaner. he’ll grunt and maybe moan a little if he’s getting close, but as for dirty talk in the thick of it he’ll call you his little whore or refer to you as a cock-drunk bitch. when he’s bottoming however? he whimpers and whines like a little bitch, especially if you tug his hair or choke him lightly.

W= Wildcard a random headcanon for the character

↳ it drives him wild if you LIGHTLY use teeth when you suck his cock

X= X-ray what’s going on underneath those clothes?

↳ he’s pretty lean, but that’s no surprise. as for size, he’s slightly above average hard, around 7” (he’s well aware of how big he is so he will allow you time to adjust during your guys’ first time. he isn’t a monster after all)

Y= Yearning how high is their sex drive?

↳ he’s got a relatively high sex drive. he’s always up for fucking

Z= Zzz how quickly they fall asleep afterwards

↳ circling back to the aftercare piece, this dude does not wait for you to sleep before he does, but it all depends on how tired he is afterwards, too

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As always, advice and constructive criticism for my writing are always appreciated! I hope you enjoy, and more to come of course :>

[justwonder113]

Han drunkenly confessing to you

Inspired by this ask

Summary: When Chan calls you at 2 am to pick up drunk han because he is asking for you the last thing you expect is for Han to confess his love for you. warnings: CHAOS! Idiots to lovers, (Both reader and Han(mostly Han) are idiots.) Reader is gender neutral. Cursing to no one's surprise. Kissing. Han being somewhat drunk. Teensy tiny amount of angst. Reader almost having a mental breakdown from all the chaos. Somewhat proofread. let me know if I missed anything A/N- Happy new year lovelies! I wish you all the best! Please take care of yourselves and drink lot's of water. Thank you all for all the love and support you have given me, it really means a lot to me. Word count- 2.4 k

Masterlist

If you like my work you can buy me coffee🩷

You know how people put most bizarre things in their resumes? Like stuff they only did once and they wrote it down like they had some kind of PhD in that field? Well next time you if you decided to change jobs or just apply to a new one you would write down that you had an experience and could deal with being friends with Han Fucking Jisung! That is if he survived this day. Because what do you mean you were heading out to get his drunk ass home because this grown ass man was actually crying and asking for you in the damn club at two fucking am! You were so beating his ass once he got sober.

You were seeing such a great dream too. You and Han were actually together and didn’t have this weird ass relationship you two had right now where there were no literal boundaries and you didn’t have to question every day If he was returning the feelings or if you were delusional and he was just extra friendly and overall simply comfortable with you. He was quite touchy and flirty with boys too after all. So you could imagine how much headache this could bring in.

 Anyway, to stop with your let’s just say unfortunate love life and get to the point you were pissed. You really were looking forward after a shitty week sleeping in and actually resting. That’s why you didn’t go to the club with the boys in the first place. How much did he actually drink to be actually crying and asking for you? What was he, a toddler asking for his mommy? Or better yet what was up with you being actually in love with this man?

The club was quite crowded for 2 am. The neon lights of reds blues and greens kept flashing rhythmically. The shouts of laughter and the hum of conversation mixed with the music creating a bit of chaos but well it was a normal atmosphere for a club. As soon as you walked in the smell of cocktails mixed with perfume and sweat of the crowd immediately hit you. It was a bit headache inducing but it was tolerable, as long as you left soon. You started searching for your friends with your eyes which was quite hard at first the crowd really kept shifting and mingling with each other. People really looked like they were having time of their life and you, with the, I just woke up and I’m mad as hell face, surely sticked out like a sore thumb.

Thankfully you found the boys quickly. It wasn’t hard giving they were loudest in the whole establishment as always. They were by the entrance and thankfully everyone looking ready to leave.

As for the man child who was the main reason you were here in the first place, he was clinging to Minho yapping about something. He wasn’t crying now but his eyes really looked puffy and red. Honestly how much did he drink? Others looked normal. Well tired like they were already hungover but still normal. Minho really looked like he was seconds away from smacking him. Yes smacking him, he even managed to rile Minho up. God, what a lightweight.

Han must have noticed you because one second you were looking at his face light up and him call you baby on top of his lungs and the next second he was basically on top of you. He literally hugged you witch such force it was a miracle you were standing on your feet and didn’t fall over.

“Han be careful!” You hear Chan warn him, he sounded tired.

“I’m fine.” You mustered to croak out once Han let go a bit to check if you were fine, he still returned to hugging you but at least you could breathe now. He really must have missed you. God you really wanted to kiss him. All your anger and grumpiness immediately flew out the window. Good for him he was so cute or else you would have smacked his head for bringing you here. “How are you Hannie? A little birdie told me you were asking for me.”

Han looked at you with his wide boba eyes, his lips jutted out in the cutest pout ever. “Better now that you’re here. They are literally so mean baby, I’m glad you’re here. You’re my favorite.”- Han whined out and hugged you again. You looked at others who looked so done, only Minho looked bemused, he held his phone up and recorded Han whine to you. You looked at him with raised eyebrow as you patted Han’s back to calm him down.

Minho only shrugged, “I’m showing this to him when he asks me for something. You’re in charge now since you’re his favorite.”

You couldn’t help but roll your eyes. “Babe we both know that your softie ass is immediately going to cave in and do what he wants anyway.”

Minho glared at you, unamused by your comment but you didn’t really pay any mind to it, you had your attention to Han who stopped hugging you and went to Felix instead. He looked like he was about to start crying again any second now.

“Hannie baby what’s wrong?”

“You hate me!” His bold statement was followed by the most dramatic sob and collective sighs of being done from his friends.

“Why would you think that?” You were genuinely so confused. You had no idea what you did wrong.

Han glared at you for a second and returned to hugging Felix who was barely holding his laughter in. Not much to your surprise he quickly gave in. “You called Minho babe. You’re basically replacing me, you really must hate me.”

What now? You couldn’t help but blink in confusion because what the fuck was up with that logic. You really looked at him with a deadpan expression before the realization of what he said really dawned on you.

You tried, you really tried to hold your face together and not just burst out laughing, but you’re only just a human after all.

With the most teasing voice and biggest smile ever you used the chance to tease him, because let’s be real, pouty and sulky Han is the cutest Han. “Are you jealous baby?”

Han gasped and let go of Felix, he actually looked at you like he was mad now. Mad and maybe seconds away from crying which harshly puled on your heartstrings.

“I am! I’ve been in love with you for years and you’re calling Minho babe here!” He yelled and stormed off outside the club leaving you there shocked not knowing what to do. The boys also looked like they didn’t know what to do, only Minho was laughing his ass off and Hyunjin also looked like he was barely holding in his laughter in.

So he was jealous.

Oh.

Oh.

He said he loved you.

Han Jisung said he loved you.

The Han Jisung loved you.

He returned your feelings.

The boy you had been in love with for ages loved you back.

“HAN JISUNG GET YOUR ASS HERE!” You yelled as you chased after him. All seven of the boys cheering after you and encouraging you to get him. You would get to them later.

Thankfully he hadn’t gotten far, it might have taken you a second or two to let everything sink in. Han was closeby sitting on the sidewalk, pretty tears running down his rosy cheeks, what a silly boy, he even forgot to bring his jacket. You sat close to him thinking for a second of what to say to him, while also trying to warm him with your body head. He looked cold.

“If you want to tease me please go inside. I already feel like shit.” His voice was so raw and he looked so pained. It really hurt to see him like this. He sighed. “I need a minute okay? I will be fine I’m not that drunk anymore.” He took a pause. “I mean how can I be after the shit I said, God I am stupid!” You watched a tear run down his face. Before you could even realize what you were doing you reached and gently brushed away the tear. Han looked at you with tearful eyes.

“Maybe but who am I to judge? I mean, I didn’t even realize that my best friend, the man I had been in love with for god knows how long actually returns my feelings.”

God you said it. You actually admitted your feelings.

A pause.

Oh no, was he regretting it?

Was it something he just said because he was drunk?

You were startled out of your thoughts when Han literally slapped both of his cheeks. His skin immediately flushed angry red.

“What the fuck are they putting in these drinks? Actually making me hallucinate and shit.” Was he for real? You couldn’t hold yourself back so you smacked his arm.

Ignoring his whining you quickly got up and started to yell. “Han Jisung I did not just say I’m in love with you for you to think this is some kind of fucking hallucination! Do you know how much courage it takes to actually admit your feelings?” Han looked at you with wide eyes for a second then quickly got up too almost losing his balance for a second.

“Wait are you for real? You love me? You mean it?” - He asked with trembling voice.

You couldn’t believe your ears. “Of course I mean it? How can I joke about something like that?”

A second passed then two.

“Dude are you kidding me? How are you in love with me. Do you have no standards? You’re like a fucking deity, someone people should fucking worship the fuck you mean you love me? Raise your standards!”

God you needed to be paid for this shit but no amount would be enough. This whole situation made you want to pull your hair out one by one, or maybe scream on top of your lungs, or maybe actually hit him because what the fuck was this?

“ARE YOU KIDDING ME?” You actually couldn’t help but yell, you didn’t give a crap that you were in the middle of street and it was 2 am and maybe some people were actually asleep.

“NO?”

“I WILL ACTUALLY BEAT YOUR ASS!” You took a deep breath. You reminded yourself that he was somewhat drunk. You needed to stay calm for your own sanity at least. “Han when people tell you that they love you back you at least should be grateful that they return your feelings. The last thing you want to do is to tell them to raise their standards. Because frankly all I wanted to kiss you but now all I’m thinking about is how to hold back and not to beat your ass! You’re literally perfect what the fuck are you on about?”

You watched as the biggest grin appeared on his face. It was like his whole mood shifted. “You want to kiss me?” Okay you really wanted to hit your head against a wall now.

You couldn’t help but laugh at the absurdity of this whole situation. “Do you only hear what you want to hear?”

Jisung, still grinning got closer to you and wrapped his arms around your waist. “Maybe.” -he mused. “All I heard is that you want to kiss me. And I have wanted to know what it is like to kiss you since I met you. You don’t know how irresistible you are.” His voice was so sweet and tender your heart was going crazy. And it didn’t help when he leaned in and put his forehead against yours.

“I could say the same to you dumbass.” You sighed against his lips. When did he even get so close?

“Can I kiss you?” Han asked as his gaze kept shifting from your lips to your eyes.

Feeling impatient to actually answer you grabbed him by his cheeks and finally connected your lips.

Kissing him was so much better than you could have thought. His lips were cold and chapped but they felt so nice as they moved against yours. You couldn’t help but sigh in pleasure. You didn’t know who deepened the kiss but soon your tongue met his and you almost melted. He tasted so sweet. You could even taste fruity cocktails he must have had earlier on his lips. But there was something more, something purely just Han, which made you fall in love with him even deeper if it was possible. You could already feel yourself getting addicted to kissing him.

Soon you had to lean back for some air, seeing Han whine and actually chase after your lips made you smile, your heart feeling whole. You didn’t even remember why you were mad earlier. You just gazed at him lovingly his arms tight around you as your hands were still on his cheeks. His cheeks felt so warm against your cold hands, it must’ve still stung from his slap. You tried to soothe it as you gently caressed his skin. Loving how he leaned into the touch. Shaking your head a bit. Not in a million years could you imagine something like this could happen to you. Life sure is full of mysteries.

You two were brought back to reality by cheers and hollers of your forgotten friends. Oops? You immediately covered your face leaning into the hug more to hide, unable to look any of them in the eyes, feeling beyond embarrassed. Han chuckled and hugged you closer.

“This had to be one of the most painful confessions I have ever seen.” Seungmin deadpanned as others kept clapping and cheering for you.

“Like you had seen a lot of them.” Minho quipped back quickly.

“At least they finally got it over with.” Hyunjin chipped in.

“Tell me about it, it was painful to watch them.” Now it was Innie’s time to say something. Did they all have to say something?

“Oh by the way I recorded all of this, I’m playing this at your wedding.” Felix waved his phone.

Chan grinned. “Or we can show it to their children in the future.” He teased as Changbin cackled like a possessed witch.

God you were so done with these clowns.

Reblogs and feedback are greatly appreciated^^

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Taglist: @velvetmoonlght @notastraykid (If you want to be added to my taglist feel free to tell me^^)

[sb-essebi]

Hi @owwllly I loved this comic so much I wrote fic about it!

(Some angst slipped in, sorry about that)

Me and my ✨genius partner✨

Jayvik | Teen and Up | 1k | Complete

No Archive Warnings Apply | Tags: #Fluff #a dash of angst #Getting Together #Friends to Lovers #First Kiss #Pent-up Feelings #Insecurity #Self-Worth Issues #internalized ableism #(Viktor thinks something very ugly about himself) #Author is disabled #Implied Sexual Content

[Read on AO3]

OR

“Incredible,” Viktor said, awed, staring at the newly-refined, perfectly round gem.

“It worked. We finally turned the crystals into gemstones!”

The excitement in Jayce’s voice was palpable. Even if the experiment hadn’t been as successful as this, that alone would have been enough to make Viktor happy. Jayce’s shoulder was amazingly warm against the back of Viktor’s.

“See,” he said gently, extricating himself from Jayce and taking off his goggles. “Your theory was solid, it was just the execution that needed some refinement.”

“Amazing…” Jayce’s eyes were exhaustion-soft and joy-bright, and Viktor had to force himself to look away. “And we pulled it off a week ahead of Progress Day!” Viktor put his goggles down on the workbench, and felt the air behind him shift as Jayce rose and bolted for the door. “Sit tight! I’ll bring Heimerdinger over and show him our new invention.”

Turning to watch Jayce go, Viktor spotted the thick, scruffy stubble that had taken over Jayce’s face in the days and nights spent working ceaselessly in the lab.

It looked quite fetching on Jayce, and Viktor felt some heat rush to his cheeks at the thought.

“Eh, Jayce, wait!”

Jayce stopped at the door and looked back, smiling.

“Yes, V?”

Viktor pointedly tapped a finger against his own cheek to signal Jayce to check his.

Jayce’s eyes and mouth went wide.

“Oh! Almost forgot.”

Puzzled, Viktor watched Jayce walk back over to him.

Then, Jayce planted a firm, resounding kiss on his cheek.

“I’ll go tell the professor what me and my genius partner have created!”

With a wave and a wink, he left.

As if nothing had happened. As if Viktor’s cheek weren’t burning still from the touch of his lips. As if he hadn’t left Viktor speechless with his whole face growing hotter and hotter by the second. As if Viktor’s right hand weren’t glued to the spot Jayce had kissed as though to keep that easy affection trapped against his skin.

“I… I meant your beard,” Viktor said to the empty room.

Next thing he knew, Viktor had bent over the workbench, face buried into one of his forearms while the other clutched at the back of his hair, shaking, with a blush searing itself down his neck and chest.

Normally, he could handle his feelings for Jayce. He could handle Jayce’s unfairly good looks and his utterly perfect body. He could even handle Jayce’s tactile nature, the hands on his arms, the shoulder touches and the half-hugs.

But this… this casual intimacy, however accidental, this he couldn’t handle. Not on three hours of sleep in as many days. Not when it ushered in thoughts of what if. What if it could be intentional, what if he were Jayce’s life partner, what if he could have Jayce-

He curled in on himself until it hurt, and a horrendous, needy whine left his throat.

“Viktor, I am so sor- Viktor, are you okay? Oh God, you’re breathing so fast-”

It was humiliating, to be caught wanting so viscerally. Especially to be caught wanting as someone like him, defective and deteriorating and dying, wanting someone like Jayce, who was— everything. Who was perfect. Who deserved better and more and longer, who Viktor had vowed to leave alone, to spare him an even worse heartbreak when Viktor would inevitably pass—

Viktor thought he might start crying.

And that was when Jayce decided to put both hands on his shoulders.

“Viktor, are you okay? Please, talk to me. Do you need medical attention? I’m so sorry about- that was so out of line-“

Later, Viktor would not know what came over him. He would blame the lack of sleep, temporary insanity, arcane influence, anything but the fact that he just couldn’t take it anymore. Couldn’t take the gentleness and concern in Jayce’s voice. And his every resolve crumbled to dust.

He straightened up, swivelling on the stool when Jayce recoiled in surprise, punted his good leg on the floor to stop himself once they were face to face, grabbed Jayce by the tie and kissed him squarely on the lips.

Jayce stood stock-still. For some reason, presumedly out of shock, he let Viktor kiss him long and lingering and desperate, and catalogue the heat of his body and the taste of his lips and the feel of his beard against the corner of Viktor’s mouth while the rest of the world faded from Viktor’s awareness until—

Until Jayce kissed him back.

Cupped Viktor’s face in his large, warm, calloused hands, melted into him and kissed. Him. Back.

Viktor’s breath was promptly punched out of his lungs. He kissed Jayce breathlessly then, needing him far more than air, pressing his tongue past Jayce’s parted lips and kissing him until black spots were dancing behind Viktor’s eyelids and he had to forcibly pull himself back with a gasp.

Jayce was breathing hard, cheeks and ears crimson.

“I was gonna say I was sorry for kissing your cheek,” he said with a chuckle, one hand rubbing the back of his own neck. “But, um-”

Viktor took a great gulp of air and kissed him silent.

Surely, when he ran out of oxygen again he would know what to say. Something that wasn’t ‘I love you’. Surely, after this kiss.

Or after the one that followed.

Or the one after.

Surely he could face Jayce then, question him as to why he was even indulging Viktor.

Certainly, after they’d finished putting the lab’s workbench through new and unspeakable abuses, Viktor would be able to field Jayce’s inevitable inquiry of his behaviour, respond with something that wasn’t that he adored Jayce and wanted to spend every second of his however short life with him.

Surely.

Definitely.

Doubtlessly.

Doubtlessly, there was an explanation for Jayce lying on the floor and gathering Viktor into his arms and on top of him to spare him the cold hard stone, holding Viktor tight and frantic and gentle, alternating between peppering his face and neck with kisses and whispering sweet nothings into his ear -my partner, my beautiful perfect partner, my Viktor- that didn’t include mutual, requited, wholehearted romantic love for one another.

Wasn’t there?

sleepless nights

[opbackgrounds]

The Romanticism of One Piece III: Emotionality and the Absurd

AO3 Part I Part II Part IV

“Do you think I am an automaton? — a machine without feelings?” —Charlotte Brontë

After opening with Roger’s death in chapter one, the perspective of the manga immediately switches to focus on our main protagonist, whose first action we see is of him stabbing himself in the face in order to look cool. The introductory panel of Luffy is one of childish, absurd determination. His mouth alone takes up over half his face. It looks a bit silly, and after patching him up, Shanks just…laughs. 

The Romantics, on the whole, were not silly people, but they were bursting at the seams with emotion. If you read a Romantic novel expect the characters to spend a great deal of time soliloquizing about their feelings. If you look at a Romantic painting expect bold colors and dynamism composition. If you listen to a Romantic musician expect songs that are passionate and full of energy, unrestrained from traditional forms. In a word, these people were extra. Specifically, the Romantics embraced the full spectrum of human emotion, from the depths of despair in a work like the Sorrows of Young Werther to the heights depicted within the essays of the American transcendentalism movement. 

This heightened emotionalism of the Romantics always trumped over what was realistic or scientific. For example, look at a work like Jane Eyre. While melodramatic, it’s a work that ostensibly takes place in the real world. Yet the most emotionally-charged moments introduce supernatural elements, including reuniting the main couple at the end when Jane randomly hears Mr. Rochester speak her name on the wind from halfway across the country. 

And by random, I truly do mean random. It’s difficult to put into words how out of left field this is for the reader. There are only a few pages left in the book, and by this time the main couple has spent more time apart than together and had no reason to believe they’d ever be reunited. But their love becomes a literal supernatural force strong enough for Jane to rush after him without hesitation, and they live happily ever after. 

(Please, I beg of you to watch the last 10 minutes of this movie. It was one of the most unintentionally hilarious experiences of my life).

It’s an extreme and slightly goofy example, but what is One Piece if not extreme and slightly goofy? It’s a story that, at its most fundamental level, makes you feel. We all know the pain of crying over a boat, and what makes the death of the Merry, along with any other number of things that should be stupid but aren’t, is Oda’s commitment to sincerity. Emotional truth trumps logic, always. It’s why we celebrate characters like Bellmere who can’t not call herself a mother, even if it costs her her life. The bond of found family is more powerful than the logical choice of denouncing Nami and Nojiko. Oda had other characters try to inject logic into Bellmere’s decision after the fact, but there’s no evidence from Bellemere herself that she was behaving logically, and we love her for it.

The artstyle itself emphasizes emotional truth over realism. Oda is more than capable of drawing in a more realistic or traditionally “cool” style if he wanted to, but it would be to the detriment of the story he’s trying to tell. Every smile takes up half a character’s face. People who are crying are portrayed as sniveling wrecks. Their fury becomes palpable, their hopelessness gut-wrenching, their joy contagious. Oda chose very early on not to give Luffy thought bubbles, and in the absence of knowing what he’s thinking, it was absolutely imperative that the audience knew what he’s feeling. The few times his expression becomes ambiguous immediately stand out and lend a scene a sense of weight that borders on unease.

This expressiveness doesn’t stop with the character designs. Oda will tweak perspective to make important people or places seem even larger than they really are. Buildings will follow Loony Toons logic if a gag calls for it. Locations and ships, particularly once the crew reaches the Grand Line, become absurd and impossible. 

(Remember, Hancock and Mihawk are both only a little over six foot tall)

But for One Piece, it’s in this absurdity that the impossible becomes possible, through sheer force of will. Luffy is on every level ridiculous, but it’s because he’s ridiculous that he choses at every turn to keep fighting against forces that by all rights should be impossible to defeat. Many of Luffy’s most despicable enemies are the ones who in some way or another have taken away other people’s ability to feel as they wish. Arlong took away Nami’s happiness and made her cry. Crocodile stole Vivi’s ability to smile. The zombies of Thriller Bark are reduced to mindless slaves while the toys under Doflamingo’s rule are physically unable to emote. And perhaps most powerfully of all, the people of Wano and the slaves of the Celestial Dragons are both forced to smile despite their horrific circumstances, a bastardization of the joy Luffy brings no matter where he goes. 

In his prelude to the Lyrical Ballads, William Wordsworth wrote that, “All good poetry is the overflow of powerful emotion”. He linked emotion to motion, or action, with the catalist between the two being the creative power of imagination. While many of Luffy’s fights are ultimately won because he’s able to punch another person real good, the seemingly limited ability of the gum-gum fruit forces him to come up with increasingly-creative ways in which one can stretch, until he’s able to stretch the fabric of reality itself to bend to his whims. It is said, in all the world, that there is no power more ridiculous.

At the end of chapter 218 a galleon falls from the sky, and Oda quotes fictional physicist Willy Karen as stating, “Anything man can imagine is a possibility in reality.” It is through the power of imagination and absurdity that Luffy fights against the forces of oppression. There is nothing more dangerous to an institution than losing its credibility, and nothing so dangerous to one’s credibility than the power of mockery. If one can face the darkest, most difficult times and still laugh then, well, they become a little less dark and difficult. By laughing, and helping others to do the same, it becomes easier to make it through another day. It’s important, I think, that Oda has emphasized the act of laughing so much, drawing attention to it by virtue of giving out unique laughs all throughout the series.

One Piece has the reputation of being the silly pirate manga. This isn’t untrue, but it does a disservice to the breadth of feeling the series inspires. As I said, we’ve all cried over a boat. Slavery, oppression, and every sort of hardship exist within the One Piece world just as much as it does our own. 

Oda’s answer is to combat these things with the silly and the absurd, by being creative and imaginative while pursuing one’s passions with one’s whole heart, no matter where those passions may lead. He tells the reader you have the right to feel as you wish and pursue joy wherever you may. And when you run up against resistance, you fight like hell for what you believe in. 

And as it turns out, that’s a Romantic virtue, too.

[erinwantstowrite]

Hi I know you mentioned you being aroace just a couple days ago and I was wondering if maybe you could explain more in depth about how you found out your sexuality and what not? If it’s not too personal…

I’ve always sorta struggled since I haven’t had any crushes as a kid except for maybe one and that’s just cause ppl kept asking me who mine was… so I don’t even think it was a legit crush?? So not only do I not know who (looks,gender, that sorta thing) I would like … am I ever gonna like someone to even find that out???

I know you said Superman on the new trailer was hot ahaha so do you still experience that sort of physical attraction? I’ve been told when people question which gender they like, to pick which one looks more attractive to them but I’ve never really experienced that sort of physical attraction so I can’t tell that way either…

I think any thought of a crush forming was more towards their personality as well. Looks I guess are more of a second thought I think..? Even then I can’t tell if this is “you’re such an awesome person I wanna be besties with you” really strong feeling or an actual “I wanna date this person” feeling.

The only person I’ve gotten really close to discerning it as officially crush was someone from work who was older by a good amount… which can be/is pretty weird.. Lots of people my age are just a little too crazy for me.. I guess??? Idk and even now I can’t tell if that was just “glad to have someone as a friend sorta thing. I’m really sorry if this is too personal and u don’t have to respond to the ask directly either I was just hoping on maybe some advice for some clarity if possible… as I get older and realize I’ve never dated/had that sorta infatuation it feels so excluding at times.

Also I am hoping for a feast AND desert with this “‘soon’ but still haven’t posted it two days later” chapter plz and thank you

I hope this made sense and wasn’t too invasive!! :(

when i was younger, i was reading about this kind of thing online and i didn't find anyone like me. i think it's about time that i come full circle and make my own post. i've got like half of my frontal lobe developed and i've been figuring out a lot of things about myself these past couple of years, and there might be someone out there who needs to hear this (´-`ʃ♡ƪ) so if anyone is interested, below the cut is a very long talk about how i figured some stuff out

when it came to my sexuality, i only started considering it when i was in middle school, going into high school. (which would be when i was 12-13). that's when a lot of my friends started having crushes on our classmates and i realized they were being serious when they said they had crushes on people. they had figured out their identities as being a lesbian or bisexual, and they had relationships. (or as close as you can get to that in middle school).

i started to panic and think that i was lagging behind. and i really started to repress my feelings about dating people and romance and what that would entail. i found out through the internet about being pansexual. at the time i thought "oh, they have the same attraction for everyone!" and i slapped it on myself because i thought it would fix everything. i even came out to my parents as pansexual and for a while i left it at that.

i had an idea of romance. i shipped characters in media and i knew that my parents really loved each other. there were a lot of examples for love in my life that weren't the best, but having two parents that actually did care about each other made me want that for myself in the future...

but that's in the future. i personally didn't think about it much because we were still kids. for a while i didn't think anyone else was being serious, that they were just trying it out quicker than i was ready for. it was a strange feeling. i guess i still believed we were playing make believe, or copying what we saw on TV or with our parents. often when my friends asked me who i had a crush on and i felt pressured, i would pick someone that i thought i wouldn't mind dating if i had to. someone would be "interested" in me and i would say "okay" because i felt like that was part of this game we all seemed to be playing. i've had a few "boyfriends" over the years that got people off my back when i had them. in elementary school it was this boy that didn't pick on me, another boy that was my parents' friend's kid. in middle school i had an online boyfriend and a couple of "crushes" on friends of friends, someone just a little far out of my circle that didn't shake anything up. my friends would help me get together with a person and they'd seem so excited for me, so i just went along with it.

then it hit me that they weren't doing it just to do it, or playing pretend. they actually felt something when they were interacting with their crushes. i started to reread books and rewatch media and really grasp what they were saying. the feeling of having butterflies inside them when they talked to each other, blushing when something was said? i thought that was about a general anxiety people get when talking to other people. but there was always something more to it that i just... didn't get. no matter how hard i tried, i didn't understand what that something was.

then started coming the pressure to do the same, to fit in. that's why i accepted a label of pansexual. it was "strange" but at least it didn't feel "broken." i could deal with people telling me that i was wrong for liking more than just boys. but to say that there was no one on the table gave me an anxiety i'd never felt before. like i would be letting down my family, that the entire course of my life would shift. i wouldn't walk down the aisle because there would be no wedding. my parents wouldn't have grandkids. my friends would go on to have lives completely separate from mine, we'd have nothing in common anymore. so i stuffed it all down and made myself believe that this wasn't who i was.

it really mixed me up because i did have a couple of "crushes" that felt real. there were a few girls i was friends with, there were boys in my classes (usually class clowns...) that i'd get excited to see every day. when i thought about dating them, it felt nice. any other time when i thought about dating someone, i'd get this awful feeling in my gut that i later realized was dread. i was fully convinced it was different from all the other times. that "different" that i didn't understand before.

it was different! but not for the reason i thought it was. those people made me laugh, they listened and remembered things about me (that i didn't get much of during that time of my life), and most of all: they didn't like me back.

there were literally no expectations in their eyes for things to go away from friendship. and i think that's what made me like them, but not as a crush. it was relief. there was always an expectation for other people (specifically boys) that if we were friends, things would stray from friendship at some point. not with these people. that relief, combined with all the other good feelings they gave me (class clowns...) made it so much easier to fall into a friendship that i didn't have with other people. and i was in denial for so long that i thought of those friendships as crushes because they were different from other friendships.

there were a couple of times that i got close to having to face my sexuality and it felt like a gut punch. there were a couple of people i was friends with (that i didn't have crushes on) that i had previously thought "if i had to pick someone" about. but when they actually told me their feelings, i would run away. in one case, i literally ran away. i changed my entire routine so that i wouldn't have to face them. and i'm a creature of habit, so of course i took that step back and asked myself why i was having such a strong reaction. my friends didn't understand why i was so panicked about these confessions. especially because before, i "liked" people and had no problem with it.

part of my feelings were that no one would actually like me (which only furthered me not wanting/not considering romance). some of the confessions that i got were fake/pranks, and it would really mess with my head. i wasn't skinny, i knew i was strange and awkward, and i could be very brash and stubborn. i had a weird sense of humor and i missed social ques. i got a lot of "you should be a lawyer" and complaints of being bossy when i was growing up and i always knew they really meant "you're a bitch." i wouldn't understand why i felt so othered from my peers like that until i learned i was possibly autistic, and i only found that out a couple years ago. combined with being plus sized and not conventionally attractive, i didn't get much breathing room. if i wasn't perfectly calm all the time, if i didn't force myself to be overly nice to people, and if i wasn't funny, i'd get told i was "draining" to be around.

i did a lot to try and fit in. i kept my hair long because people would compliment it, i tried to wear skirts instead of pants/shorts, i'd wear comfy clothes and the like so i didn't look like i was trying too hard. a lot of my personality was forced and i was the one who was being drained instead. i ended up having to get a radar for when people were just messing with me. and so when a real confession happened, there was a combination of anxiety about if they were faking or not, doubt that they could actually like me, and then a deep rooted fear about if they were being serious.

instead of the relief i should have felt when i learned it was a real confession, i still felt scared. it would be the same anxiety as if someone asked me to get on the world's tallest roller coaster in the world and i had just seen a chunk of the roller coaster fall in front of me.

that part made it even harder to come to grips with my sexuality. i thought if i gave up on being a hopeless romantic, i'd be giving in to all the times someone told me "I just don't see you dating anyone." being unlovable was a death sentence in my eyes. and it didn't help that i've lived in the south all my life. i was already strange and going to hell for a multitude of things. turning around and telling them that i was going against every expectation set of me to get married and have kids by 24????

(i should clarify that my parents had never been the ones to put this in my mind. when i came out as pansexual, they had only been confused about what the hell that was. the rest of their reaction was "i mean... we could already sort of tell." and while my parents had hopes for my future, i knew deep down that while they'd be a little sad not to have those expected memories with me, they wouldn't turn me away. and they would very likely be happy to create a whole different set of memories with me.)

i have my current friends to thank for me coming to terms with who i am. by the time i was in college i had started to question everything. my middle school friend group had been majority queer but we had gone to different schools or just faded apart. in high school, a majority of my time was spent in band. and while i was one of those people who had friends in a variety of friend groups, the closest friends i had were the people in my section that i sat next to every day. and in the present time, only a couple of them remained straight churchgoers. even though they've changed now just like i have, during high school i was a different story.

going to college opened me up to a far different experience. by this point i'd shifted from pansexual to bisexual. my college experience wasn't... ideal. or really healthy in any aspect. but meeting these people did dislodge the mindset i'd had for most of my life. and my current friends have changed my life. the fear that i had about being aromantic has now become the relief i needed my entire life. it doesn't feel broken, or wrong, or strange. sometimes i do feel sad about it, or question if this is really the case. maybe one day i'll meet someone who shows me that "different" feeling i'd been waiting to understand. but i grew past the societal expectation of needing a partner to be fulfilled in life and i'm so much happier.

life doesn't need to be about that partner. i have many, many friends and family to grow old with. i have a godchild!! one day i'll have my own house to celebrate holidays and achievements at, to host my friends and family. i'll have pets that i love and i'll have my own career, and i'll be happy because i never needed to fit expectations to be happy.

when it comes to anything sexual, it's sort of the same feeling as when i had "crushes" on people in real life. though also different? i don't look at real people and feel an attraction beyond knowing that they are attractive, objectively. i can feel attraction sometimes in a physical sense, but i have no interest in having anything personal happening between us. a fictional character has no interest in me, and so it feels safe to think that they're hot and to express it. like sure, yeah, i have a crush on them! i get giggly when Captain Smoker from One Piece shows up on the screen, and the new Superman makes me think "oh! okay!" but if they were real and in front of me? i'd probably... lose that attraction, like it was never there.

here's the kicker, though, and might sound weird at first: you don't have to put a label on yourself

yeah, i do consider myself aroace. but the world is ever changing and so is the human experience. it helps to have a basis, to understand your feelings and work through them. it's nice to be like "there is a name for this" and to find a community through that. i'm not saying there's anything wrong about figuring out your identity and saying "I'm this, this, and this!" nothing at all wrong with that. but we're all figuring ourselves out, all the time. it doesn't end when you put the label on. you have the entire rest of your life to continue learning things about yourself and the world around you. i wish i'd known in middle school that i didn't have to rush it, that i have every opportunity to take it one phase at a time. a human life seems fleeting, especially when you're looking back on your past and feeling like the time flew by. but that's just our perception of it as we look back.

what i mean to say it that it's okay to backtrack. it's okay to change your mind. it's okay to not put a label on it. it's okay to put a label on it. it's okay not to tell anyone, if you don't want to. it's okay to say "i'll figure it out." and it's okay if you don't. it's okay if you sit up in bed one day when you're 60 years old and go "that's what it is." as long as you live your life listening to yourself and not trying to meet an expectation you think you have to, then you're doing it right.

and it's okay if you lived your life like i did, and you didn't do any of that. being a human is messy and that's part of life. you're not gonna get it right the first time- but even then, sometimes you will! there's a nuance and a spectrum to everything you experience. take pride in who you are even if you don't have a clue yet. be kind to yourself. you're gonna be okay.

[purlturtle]

For people asking how to find a good balance between staying informed and not obsessing, here's what has helped me most:

Follow only two news outlets: a national one and a local one. Neither are prone to click-baity headlines, which helps as well. Both are reputable and middle-of-the-road in terms of political bias.

Follow them not on social media, but more like "reading the morning newspaper and watching one news show at night" style: I have an RSS feed app that congregates the headlines from the above two sources, and I check it once in the morning and once at night (if that). This means I'm not inundated everywhere all the time, but at a time of my choosing.

Corollary to this: no notifications on my phone. I get notifications for messages from specific people, for emails in a very strongly spam-protected account, and that is *it*. Anything else, I see if and when I decide to open the respective app. *I decide*, not someone pushing notifications. Not even for Tumblr. It's all off.

Mute any keywords for news that trigger you (if you feel like you mustn't, here's your permit: I herewith give you express permission to protect yourself from any such topic), as well as news that upsets you - especially if you can't do anything about it and it doesn't impact you. I have A LOT of American news buzzwords and names blocked, because I am not US-American, don't live there, can't vote there, and it just upsets me and I can't do anything about it.

If I do see posts about something like that that weren't caught by my blocklist, I mute them individually (thanks, Xkit!), or add a new word to the blocklist.

This includes fundraising posts, if that upsets you (for example because you don't have money to spare or don't have the spoons to vet such posts). Again, if you need permission to look away, let me give you it: you don't have to, if it upsets you. Not even to signal boost! Protecting your mental health is worth it. I have closed my asks completely, and messages for people who don't follow me - I was getting just oodles of fundraising asks that I could not mentally handle, and had to cut that out of my Tumblr experience.

I also block or unfollow users that have doom-y vibes, mean vibes, who mainly blog upsetting stuff. And I make it a habit to reblog, on my own blog, political posts only if they have at minimum something actionable attached to the upsetting part, such as templates to write to your representatives, reputable petition links, etc.

I come to Tumblr to have a good time. It is valid to curate your Tumblr experience in such a way that you *have* a good time here. And this is the way I have chosen. Last but not least:

In the lead up to elections in your area, if and when you want to be informed about who you vote for, by all means take a specific time frame (say, an hour every Saturday or something) to look up candidates and what they're running on, as well as past decisions they've made.

Picking a time frame for this will help you not obsess, and still get the info you need.

Make that time frame as small as necessary to work for you, and stick to it.

Check the reputability of the sources you find!

You are allowed to not fill every waking hour with upsetting shit. You are allowed to look away. (I *liberally* block any post who tries to "raise awareness" by trying to guilt-trip me into looking. That shit is not worth anyone's time.) You are allowed to find good news and surround yourself with them. You are allowed to rest and recuperate and laugh and be merry; you don't have to (make yourself) suffer because the world is bad for someone else.

Yes, practice compassion. But, view your own compassion as a finite resource (because it is! Compassion fatigue is a thing!), and be mindful where you turn it to!

Really been mulling this over a lot lately.

[just-a-itty-bitty-kitty]

Voice of the Smitten is a coping mechanism. (and so are the other voices)

The same thing applies to the rest of the voices, yes. But for my sanity, today, let's just talk about Smitten[I am ill about him].

Smitten is fixated on the Princess and on appeasing Her because he's born out of a belief that She's their only way to happiness and safety.

In Damsel's chapter 1, LQ establishes for themself that the Narrator is not a safe nor trustworthy person, but unlike Prisoner's ch1, instead of learning to be generally cautious and adopting an idea that there's no one they can fully trust, Quiet puts all of their trust into the Princess.

I strongly believe that, in order to shield themself from a dangerous, unclear, and scary reality, LQ dives into a sort of... 'fairytale' scenario. And that scenario, by extension, becomes the backbone of Smitten's whole worldview. He, just like the rest of the voices, is born out of a need for safety and control, and he knows of it as his purpose and his yearning. His mindset works as a mechanism that protects Quiet from a state of intense stress and discomfort.

So then, what is this mindset, exactly?

Well, for Smitten, expectations of certain roles appear. Roles that everyone has and needs to uphold: The Shining Knight, the Helpless Damsel, the Villain that's keeping them apart.

"Then you should know that we and the Princess are in love and the four of us will be foiling any and all assassination attempts you've got in the works."

These roles bring a sense of comfort. He has this vision of what the world is supposed to be, of what he's supposed to be. Fairytales always have happy endings, so with this vision, there comes a promise of everything working out.

"If he just makes everything go the way it's supposed to, then they'll be safe."

It gives Smitten the role of a protector, someone who controls the situation and wants the best for Quiet, as opposed to the Narrator who has an ulterior motive and clearly just wants to hurt them.

It gives him a sense of control.

So when something goes wrong, it feels like that control is yanked away, and that threatens his and LQ's safety. It takes away his happy ending that he tries so hard to keep.

"We'll get our happy ending, even if it damns each and every person who's ever lived!"

Another thing worth remembering is that the voices and LQ are at least under the impression that they haven't been living for very long. The only experiences they have to go off of, to learn from, are the ones we see in Chapter 1 and then on. To Smitten, the last time things went awry, they died horribly.

So it's no wonder he freaks out and feels like he has to push back for control. And that is also why he sees no problem with killing Quiet's body or even detaching himself from them entirely.

"Don't mind my sacrifice. It's a fair price to pay to give her everything she doesn't know she wants."

He places the responsibility for taking care of everyone on himself. Smitten is firmly under the impression that he "knows better". And he's even proven right a fair amount of times, which only solidifies the idea in his head.

"I told you! There's no life more worth living than that of a true believer!"

"I told you our love was insurmountable!"

But that also means Smitten unintentionally traps himself(and everyone around him) into a box, limiting his potential to just that, a shallow role. And that creates the feeling of inferiority.

His role is all there is to him, so if he can't uphold it, then it means there's something fundamentally wrong with him. It means he's failed.

In fact, Smitten seems to be laser-focused on his own shortcomings, at least when it comes to the Princess.

If She's somehow unhappy with anything Smitten has to offer, then it's not because She did something wrong, or because of some outside factor out of their control(he doesn't want to accept anything being out of his control, even if it would seemingly benefit him). No, it's because Smitten wasn't enough.

He idolizes Her while putting himself down.

"That's because she's perfect!"

It's a bit more complicated with The Long Quiet. On one hand, they are technically one person, but on the other, the voices like to distinguish themselves and seem to have a sense of their own identity.

If we take a look at one of Damsel's third chapters: The Burned Grey, Smitten is very distraught and angry at Quiet, and yet also berates himself at the same time.

"Ah, yes. The mirror. So we can see the monster we've become."

"No, my love! You did nothing wrong! I'm sorry! I'M SORRY, NOT YOU!"

So I think we can assume that it's a mix of both. He may feel angry at LQ but will ultimately blame himself.

Because it's his job to make sure everything went smoothly. It's his job to make sure that She was happy, because if She's happy – they're happy and they just threw all of his work away, but he was supposed to stop them. He was supposed to keep them happy.

He was supposed to keep them happy.

[thefandomenchantress]

General Thoughts About Eden's Garden

I have, at long last, finished chapter one of Eden's Garden. And I really liked it! While it wasn't perfect, I still really enjoyed playing it and am very glad I got to experience it. Since I wasn't around for the Another fangames, this is the first time I've been able to keep up with a project like this as it's coming out, and it's been really cool.

So, without further ado, let's get started! Project Eden's Garden spoilers below. :)

I'll start with my criticisms, since I don't have a lot of them. Honestly, my biggest complaint has to be the technical issues I faced while trying to play this game instead of watching it. But I'm not going to sit here and pretend making a game is easy by any means, so I don't really hold that against the game, even if it was frustrating.

Plus, I'm an idiot. I sat for like half an hour trying to figure out the Non-Stop debate controls and thinking my WASD thingy was malfunctioning and not letting me switch truth bullets, when there was only one truth bullet I was allowed to use at the time. I was just being stupid and not catching on when it only showed me one truth bullet in the corner, haha. The repeated crashing of my game, however, wasn't my fault. But I was able to get my hands on a work-in-progress low-spec version of the game that stopped most of the crashing and stuff! After that, most issues went away, except for after the trial ended and the after-trial dialog wouldn't pop up, leaving me on a black screen even after a restarted my computer and tried a few more times. But I'm not too unhappy about that, it's not like I was missing any riveting gameplay sections, haha. I could just watch the YouTube version of the execution and stuff.

Other than those technical difficulties on my end, there are only a few actual problems I had with the gameplay, haha. The first being that I am terrible at bullet hell-styled gameplay, apparently, and Argument Altercation kicked my ass in normal mode. I really wish there was a way to switch your difficulty on that, or maybe checkpoints, because after about thirty or more tries of not being able to get past stage three, I gave up and ended up just getting my hands on a save file from after the minigame. I may love videogames, but that does not mean I'm good at them, haha.

As for the actual writing, I don't have too many complaints...I suppose if I had to say something, though, it'd be that some of the characters felt like they didn't have enough to do this chapter. Ulysses is probably the main one I felt this applied to, even if I love him, he didn't give us too much this chapter, other than a lore drop during the pharmacy investigation (His limited screentime didn't stop me from growing attached to him, though haha). Other characters, despite getting a little more screentime, felt like they didn't really develop at all in the grand scheme of things. But I don't want to focus in on this too much, since it's only chapter one and most characters usually don't start having any big changes until a murder occurs. And the disproportional screentime may just be the writing style of Eden's Garden being that they focus on a certain group of characters each chapter, when they have the most relevance. Wenona, for example, feels like she's being set up to be a larger player down the line, even if she wasn't a super major character this chapter.

There was a lot more I liked about the chapter than disliked, though! All the characters really grew on me, for the most part. Well...Almost everyone. There is one character who I'm kinda meh on right now, since I'm not quite sure what they're going for yet. He's entertaining, I like him fine, but he's not quite on the same level as everyone else. And that character is:

Jett.

Honestly, I think the main reason I'm having trouble is just how he treats Toshiko.

Jett, why are you picking on a literal child??? What are you doing??? This wouldn't bother me if I knew an explanation for it that gives cool insight into his character, but as is I'm just kinda annoyed at him for it. Then again, I haven't bothered to experience any of his FTEs yet, so it's possible he gives some sort of explanation for his child-belittling ways there, haha.

The Mark and Jett thing was fine, I'm liking the set-up there. I think the only difference that makes me like the Jett and Mark stuff over the Jett and Toshiko stuff is that Damon actually calls Jett out for not respecting Mark's boundaries, meanwhile no one really reprimands him for belittling Toshiko because of her age. When he shares her blackmail, no one says "Hey, man, that wasn't very cool of you." They just shrug Toshiko's blackmail off and say no one should share anything else. Wolfgang even calls her blackmail a "joke". No wonder Toshiko is so desperate to be respected, everyone but Ingrid is so rude to her (I can forgive Grace, though, because the gremlin bit was the funniest thing in the prologue to me).

Of course, if they end up calling out his behavior towards her later, as well as everyone else's, I'll be happy and probably end up liking him more. His whole never taking off his helmet thing is pretty cool, I'm interested to see where that goes and to see any character development he has. And him and Cassidy's little friendship being established through gaming was fun.

...Writing all this out actually made me appreciate Jett a little more, since I don't think I would be able to say this much about some of the other characters...I mean if I felt something other than passive enjoyment maybe they’re doing something right…

Oh, right, there were other characters this chapter. Let's get onto them!

Damon was just as entertaining as last time, I'm excited to see what happens next with him. Him letting Diana defend herself made it seem like he was going to be more empathic to others and improve, but Eva betraying him might mean he starts trusting the others even less than before.

In daily life, Eva...Might've been my favorite. Don't get me wrong, Kai is still my favorite character overall, but I loved Eva in daily life so much. Her "Bweh..." and "Raaaage..." voicelines are some of my favorites in any fangan and I'm happy I experienced all her FTEs. I loved her in daily life, deadly life was...Still fine and good, the execution was super well-animated and cool. But her being the culprit did sort of undercut my enjoyment a little, since it sort of calls into question the truthfulness of certain aspects of her character that made me like her. Still really cool, though.

Kai was great. I'm going to make a post dedicated to him later, where I'm sure I'll ramble on and on for a while, so for now I'll keep it brief. He was just as funny as last time, surprisingly helpful in the class trial, his large amount of screentime was a pleasant surprise to me, I'm super excited to see if he'll be the new support, and his FTEs were really cool. I'm super hyped to ramble about everything concerning him later.

Ulysses, despite his limited screentime, managed to be pretty charming this time around. Him already telling backstory stuff to us makes me a little worried for if he'll die soon, but oh well. Him literally saying "um, actually" when he starts his objection was great. Toshiko calling him ugly in...the Prologue, I think(?), was blatantly incorrect because I really like his design. There's something about his color scheme that I enjoy, idk. Plus, owls are my favorite animal, so I was pretty much guaranteed to like his theming.

Diana being heavily suspected by the fanbase and then being suspected in-universe in the trial was cool, the whole "choose the culprit" minigame legitimately tricked me into thinking it was her for a hot minute...Until I remembered how much unused evidence we had, haha. Excited to see where she goes from here.

Wolfgang...Damn those sprites in the Diana flashback were cool. I should definitely check out his FTEs to get a little more context, but wow. While I'm not surprised he was the chapter one victim, I'm a little disappointed we'll never hear more from him.

Grace was great, her demeanor is kinda similar to another favorite character of mine, so I've become pretty endeared to her. I'm interested in seeing where the bunny symbolism goes, and how she'll react to Wolfgang being gone. She had no FTEs (her actually responding when I tried to enter her dorm (I was doing an experiment to see if I could enter anyone but Kai's and Damon's) jumpscared me haha), so I'm guessing she'll live a bit longer and receive some character development! Yay!

Wenona was fun, her attitude was as entertaining as ever. She's probably one of the characters I most want to go do the FTEs of, I'm interested to hear more about her.

Desmond and Eloise's friendship was fun, the scene where they try to get Grace to let them in Wolfgang's room was definitely the highlight of both their characters for me this chapter. Eloise standing up for herself during the confrontation and Desmond backing her up without hesitation was awesome. Can't wait to see their friendship expanded on (And Desmond being angsty during the closing argument was hilarious).

Toshiko and Jett already had most of my thoughts laid out above. Jett I've mostly finished describing, but I did like Ingrid and Toshiko's friendship this chapter. Toshiko's whole pretending-she's-totally-not-freaking-out-and-being-actively-traumatized thing was good, I liked how she was desperate to sound smart in the trials, it fits her character.

Mark was a little ruder than I thought he'd be going in, but I'm not complaining. While I don't think anything topped "Grace, call the fire brigade" this chapter, some things got pretty close, like his annoyed facial expression when you agree with him. Him not wanting to be acknowledged at all at the gaming tournament was interesting, I'm excited to see where they take his character.

Ingrid...Was fine. I'll be honest, I was a little disappointed at how my view of her failed to change at all this chapter. Even her blackmail was something we learned in the Prologue already. Still, I can appreciate her. Even if she didn't change much this chapter, I still like what she is right now. She's all-around pretty cool, and I like how she makes sure to defend Toshiko, unlike some characters I know. /j

(Her being called "reliable" made me immediately feel like she might not last long, though... :()

Jean is pretty interesting to me so far, Cassidy suggesting that he might just be posing as a 'pirate' was intriguing. Him saying there was an arcade on his ship made me think of a crack theory that he worked at a Chuckie Cheese type place, but instead of there being a strange mouse, you could hang around at his prop ship and take pictures with him and his "crewmates" (Co-workers or employees) in costume, with an arcade and snack bar nearby...His knowledge of machinery stuff is also cool. I should check out his FTEs.

Cassidy's whole gaming gimmick is cool, and I like her, but I think if I'm being honest, her fun design and awesome voice actor kinda carry her for me. I don't think she'd be one of my favorites to hear speak otherwise. Some of her voicelines are just hilarious by themselves, too, though ("I better zip up my fly, my genius is showing" was my favorite, like what the fuck that is so random and funny and she only uses it once). She's a character who I don't think I'd find nearly as funny if the vocal delivery wasn't as on point as it is, but seeing as it's totally awesome and on point I have nothing to complain about she’s really cool haha.

And those are all my general thoughts on each of the characters. Now onto a few individual moments I really liked!

I replayed the Prologue before playing through chapter 1, and something really cool I noticed was that when they're on the train, this happens after Cassidy says she smells something weird:

I thought it was really cool how they subtly foreshadowed his lack of a sense of smell like that! The devs really thought his character through from the beginning, I suppose.

But moving on to chapter 1, specifically the trial. One detail I really liked was this:

“Near the boiler room door, I discovered a thin piece of metal.”

“During the investigation, there was a strange smell permeating the boiler room. It took me a moment to notice, but when I did…”

Damon takes credit for both the scrap metal and the smell.

This happens very directly with the metal, where he says that he discovered it. While he does admit he didn't think the metal was important before, what he fails to do is give credit to Ulysses for pointing it out to him, since Damon didn't notice it until Ulysses did. And when Ulysses did notice it, Damon berated him for even writing it down. And yet now here he is, pretending that he took note of the piece of metal all by himself.

He also takes credit for finding the smell, albeit slightly less directly. But he still makes it sound like he noticed it by himself, when Jean was the one who had to directly point it out to him. And even then, Damon could only smell the generator at first, and Jean had to further explain what he meant. And Damon pretty much plagiarizes his description of the smell without crediting him, too. You’d think a debater would know how to cite their sources correctly, haha.

So long story short, Damon fails to mention that he got help investigating from both Ulysses and Jean. I find that interesting because even though Damon says he can only rely on himself right before this trial starts, he is actively ignoring that he is only able to steer the trial in the right direction at certain points because of the help he received from others. The game is both proving his point about him only relying on himself (+Eva this trial) wrong, while also letting the player further see his mindset. Pretty cool. (Though I’d honestly be kinda pissed if I was Ulysses haha).

I also really liked Eva this chapter. Legitimately the first chapter death I've been most sad about in any Fangan. Usually I see the fake-out support thing coming a mile away, since it's such a common thing in fangans, but they genuinely fooled me with Eva. I really got attached to her and I'm sad to see her go.

I still haven't really fully processed her character, but what I do know is that she's really cool and relatable and her voice actor is very talented. Her design is amazing. Her sense of humor is immaculate. Overall, amazing character I was devastated to see go.

One cool detail I noticed, in order to commemorate my love for her:

After avoiding Grace, which Damon theorizes was because she didn't want her talent mocked, she investigates the Dining Hall people. And yet, even though she mentions Jett and Mark being unhelpful, she says nothing about Kai.

This could be shrugged off by the fact Kai said something helpful about the footsteps when Damon approached, but since Kai says this info like he hasn't shared it with anyone else, I don't think that's the case. Instead, I think this confirms Damon's suspicion that she is avoiding those who mocked her real talent, since Kai is definitely a jerk about it to her face on at least two occasions. She legitimately just didn't speak with him. That really hits home just how uncomfortable Eva was with a lot of the people in the killing game.

(I'll talk more about this in the Kai post, but Eva not mentioning Kai when you enter the dining hall, and Desmond also not mentioning where he went before that, made me actually start worrying that we were gonna find a second body haha, that's why I noticed this).

Lastly, I'd just like to say:

Even Desmond and Eloise being like "dude no stfu" at Diana in this CG was hilarious and I love it.

[whatbigotspost]

Hey is it just me or does it seem like a bunch of boomers and misc oldie moldies say their most hurtful, toxic, ageist bullshit bc they’re pretty clearly out of their minds jealous of how happy, freely fat, queer, proudly neurodivergent, mental health aware, and loving of others a lot of millennials and genZ are.

Instead of “getting with the times” and figuring out their joy, they get mad at us.

Instead of asking themselves why they’ve always felt different or shitty, they get enraged we understand ourselves.

Instead of asking what work they need to do, they call us snowflakes for taking care of ourselves, going no contact w/ their toxic asses, etc.

Instead of figuring out what makes them truly giddy with happiness, they grow resentful we’ve figure out what thriving looks like for us despite all the many many challenges our generations face.

Instead of seeing how we are processing our trauma, healing, building better lives, and growing proud of us for those accomplishments, they feel revealed for their roles in our harm, and they just can’t handle it.

Good god I hope I never become them.

And before someone does that classic thing Tumblr always does when I talk like this and assumes that I am a teenager and they condescend to me about how much more living that I have to do that will “harden me” or whatever, I just want to make it perfectly clear that I’m fucking 40 and I feel bad for you.

There are lots of teenagers that are more mature than lots of grandparents out there. Your age doesn’t necessarily equate to an emotional maturity level. Aging gives you a lot of opportunity to become more mature if you take it, but a shocking amount of people are somehow skillfully able to avoid that experience altogether.

i’ll just end on this… If you find yourself simmering and seething in rage, shame, or resentment at beholding what someone else’s best life, happiness, and joy looks like, please for the love of god, take that as a red flag about YOU and an invitation to figure your own fucking life out because something is gravely wrong.

[esotericalchemist]

Hi , I have been reading your series and it's very useful. You have great knowledge!!!! I wanted to ask about retrograde of planets and how it affects each house . I have two retrograde planets in my birth chart and I have been to many about how to handle this but no one gave clarification.

Thank you for your time and efforts

𝐀𝐒𝐊 𝐀𝐖𝐀𝐘! - 𝐏𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐞𝐭𝐬 𝐢𝐧 𝐑𝐞𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐝𝐞

Go back to Masterlist - TikTok (Matrix of Destiny) - YouTube (subliminals)

First of all, thank you for your kind words! <3 I am glad you find the series useful - it's genuinely my honor to share my astrological knowledge. The topic of retrograde planets is indeed fascinating and can be crucial in understanding your chart's deeper dynamics. Let's delve into it step by step.

✽ Understanding Retrograde planets ✽

What is a Retrograde planet?

In astrology, the word retrograde describes a planet that appears to move backward in the sky from our perspective on Earth. Let me emphasize: the planet isn't actually moving backward - it's an optical illusion. This happens because Earth and the other planets are orbiting the Sun at different speeds.

Example: Imagine you are in a car driving past another car on the highway. For a moment, it can look like the other car is moving backward, even though it is still going forward. Retrograde motion is similar - it's just a shift in perspective.

Why is Retrograde important in astrology?

Astrologically, retrograde planets act differently than planets in their normal (direct) motion. Think of a planet in retrograde as if it is on a cosmic "pause" or "rewind" mode. Instead of moving full speed ahead, a planet's energy turns inward, slowing things down and encouraging reflection, revisiting, and rethinking areas of life it rules.

What does a Retrograde planet mean in your birth chart?

If a planet was retrograde at the time of your birth, its energy becomes more personal and internalized. You might experience the themes of that planet in a unique, non-traditional way, or they may require more effort to express outwardly. Retrograde planets in a birth chart often carry karmic lessons - indicating unfinished business or growth opportunities from past lives.

Let's clear up some misconceptions about Retrogrades:

Retrograde isn't "bad" or unlucky: Many people fear retrogrades, thinking they bring chaos or misfortune. This is not true. Retrogrades are simply periods of reflection and adjustment. If you work with their energy, they can be incredibly transformative.

Retrograde doesn't cancel a planet's power: A Retrograde planet isn't weak or powerless. Instead, it works in a more internal or unconventional way. Often, retrograde planets can lead to deep self-discovery and mastery.

(Transit) Not all retrogrades affect you equally: Whether a retrograde will significantly impact your life depends on how it interacts with your personal birth chart. For instance, Mercury retrograde might not bother you unless it is touching important points in your chart.

--> Also, imagine you are planning a trip during Mercury Retrograde. People might warn you that everything will go wrong, but the truth is simpler: you may encounter delays or need to double-check details. If you take precautions - like confirming reservations or leaving extra time - you will likely have a smooth journey. Retrogrades ask us to pay attention and not rush!

So, what does it mean when a planet is retrograde in a natal chart?

When a planet is retrograde in your natal chart, it represents a unique and deeply personal journey of growth, learning, and transformation. Its energy operates differently than that of a direct-moving planet. Instead of naturally flowing outward into the external world, the planet's influence turns inward, encouraging reflection, self-discovery, and refinement.

Think of a natal retrograde as a mentor who insists on deeper understanding and inner mastery. It is like being enrolled in an advanced course on the themes represented by that planet, often with karmic undertones.

The Essence of Natal Retrogrades:

Inward Energy: Retrograde planets in a natal chart encourage introspection. The energy of the planet doesn't express itself as straightforwardly as it would in a direct state. Instead, it becomes an internal process. This can make it seem "delayed" or "different" in outward expression.

Past-life Karma: Retrograde planets often signify unresolved lessens or unfinished business from past lives. The themes associated with the planet may feel familiar yet challenging, as if your soul has chosen to revisit these areas for growth and mastery.

Delayed development: Early in life, the energy of a retrograde planet may feel blocked or awkward. For instance, a retrograde Mercury might cause communication struggles, or a retrograde Saturn could bring insecurity about discipline and responsibility. However, as you mature and engage in self-reflection, the retrograde planet's gift often unfold in profound ways.

Non-traditional expressions: The way a retrograde planet expresses itself may not align with societal norms. This can make you feel "different" or out of sync with others in areas of life connected to the planet. For example, a retrograde Venus might mean unconventional ideas about love, beauty, or relationships.

Spiritual and personal growth: Retrograde planets are powerful tools for transformation. They encourage deeper understanding, pushing you to go beyond surface-level experiences. By working with their energy, you can unlock unique strengths and achieve lasting spiritual growth.

✽ Natal retrograde planets - meaning by planet ✽

Here is a short guide to how retrograde planets may influence your life when found in your natal chart:

Mercury Retrograde (Communication & Thinking)

-> Themes: Unique thought patterns, introspection, and a tendency to overanalyse. Communication may feel awkward at first, but you are likely to develop deep insights and creative ways of expressing yourself.

-> Challenges: Misunderstandings or struggles with learning early in life.

-> Gifts: Profound mental depth, a reflective nature, and the ability to approach problems unconventionally.

-> Karmic lesson: Finding your own voice and trusting your thoughts, even if they differ from others.

Venus Retrograde (Love & Values)

-> Themes: A need to redefine love, relationships, and self-worth. You may express affection differently or question societal norms around beauty and values.

-> Challenges: Shyness or uncertainty in relationships, or a tendency to revisit unresolved love dynamics.

-> Gifts: A deep understanding of love as a spiritual connection, and unique creative or aesthetic talents.

-> Karmic lesson: Learning self-love and cultivating relationships based on authenticity, not external validation.

Mars Retrograde (Action & Desire)

-> Themes: internalized drive and energy, often requiring reflection before action. You might hesitate to assert yourself to struggle with anger management early in life.

-> Challenges: Difficulty initiating action or expressing desires directly.

-> Gifts: Strategic thinking, the ability to build inner strength, and a controlled use of energy.

-> Karmic lesson: Understanding how to channel your energy productively and assertively, without aggression or passivity.

Jupiter Retrograde (Growth & Beliefs)

-> Themes: Personal beliefs and spiritual growth may differ from conventional norms. You may question societal or religions dogmas and prefer to follow your inner truth.

-> Challenges: Feeling disconnected from traditional opportunities fro growth, like education or travel, early on.

-> Gifts: A unique spiritual perspective, deep introspection, and a non-materialistic approach to life.

-> Karmic lesson: Discovering inner abundance and cultivating faith in your unique journey.

Saturn Retrograde (Karma & Responsibility)

-> Themes: Delayed maturity in accepting responsibilities or setting boundaries. You may face internal struggles with self-discipline or authority figures.

-> Challenges: Feeling overly burdened by karmic debts or insecurities about meeting societal expectations.

-> Gifts: Once mastered, a retrograde Saturn can bring immense resilience, self-reliance, and the ability to build lasting foundations.

-> Karmic Lesson: Breaking free from inherited fears and embracing accountability as a path to liberation.

Uranus Retrograde (Freedom & Change)

-> Themes: Revolutionary ideas and personal freedom may be expressed inwardly before manifesting outwardly. You’re likely to challenge norms in subtle, thoughtful ways.

-> Challenges: Difficulty embracing change or trusting your unique individuality early in life.

-> Gifts: Deep, introspective insights about innovation and originality.

-> Karmic Lesson: Balancing personal freedom with responsibility to others and society.

Neptune Retrograde (Dreams & Spirituality)

-> Themes: Spirituality and imagination are deeply internalized. You may struggle with illusions or escapism before finding clarity in your spiritual path.

-> Challenges: Confusion about life direction or vulnerability to deception.

-> Gifts: Profound spiritual awareness and the ability to see through illusions to find universal truth.

-> Karmic Lesson: Trusting your intuition and learning to ground your spiritual ideals in reality.

Pluto Retrograde (Power and Transformation)

-> Themes: Transformation and power struggles are deeply personal and internal. You’re likely to face karmic challenges related to control, fear, or letting go.

-> Challenges: A tendency to suppress emotions or avoid change, leading to inner tension.

-> Gifts: Immense transformative potential and an ability to guide others through their darkest moments.

-> Karmic Lesson: Embracing the cycles of death and rebirth, letting go of control, and reclaiming inner power.

✽ The Role of the House and Sign ✽

In natal astrology, the house and sign add critical details to how the retrograde energy expresses itself.

House: This shows the life area where the retrograde energy will focus. For example:

Mars Retrograde in the 10th house: Reflects on ambition and career direction. Assertiveness at work may develop slowly but with great strength.

Venus Retrograde in the 7th house: Brings karmic lessons around partnerships and love.

Sign: This reveals how you process the retrograde energy. For example:

Mercury Retrograde in Pisces: Imaginative and intuitive thinking, but potential difficulty with practical communication.

Saturn Retrograde in Virgo: Over-analyzing responsibilities, with a need to let go of perfectionism.

✽ Examples of Natal Retrogrades ✽

Example 1: Venus Retrograde in 4th House (Cancer)

Impact: Love and self-worth are tied to family dynamics and emotional security. Early struggles with self-love may stem from childhood experiences. Relationships may feel karmic, requiring healing and reflection.

Gifts: A deep capacity for nurturing and forming soulful connections once lessons are learned.

Example 2: Jupiter Retrograde in 9th House (Sagittarius)

Impact: Beliefs and spirituality are highly personal and may differ from traditional teachings. You might feel disconnected from formal education or organized religion.

Gifts: Profound inner wisdom and the ability to guide others in unconventional ways.

[welcometololaland]

10 things - 2024/2025 edition

happy new year, everyone! 2024 has been a year of change for me in so many different ways, and i've posted very little fic this year, mostly due to writers' block and time constraints. so, instead of doing the writing round up i thought i'd list 10 things i'm grateful for in 2024 (fandom edition) and 10 things i want to do in 2025 (also, fandom edition). please feel free to make your own if you wish! consider this an open tag 🏷️

2024 - things i'm grateful for (in fandom, in no particular order)

1. my ride or die friends who deal with my self doubt and breakdowns and (being 100% real) paranoia about situations that simply don't exist - @rmd-writes @celeritas2997 , the popcorn squad and others. wouldn't be writing without your support!

2. the writers who have trusted me to beta for them - @heartstringsduet @basilsunrise @rmd-writes i think i'm forgetting some (so sorry if so). michelle, being with you through first aid was such an amazing experience, and i feel so lucky to have seen you develop as a writer!

3. the people who have read my fics and encouraged me including the wip wednesday and seven sentence sunday tags! - i literally would not be anywhere without you. you actually give me life.

4. the friendships i've made on discord with people who just wanna know me for me and share little snippets of their lives - @reyesstrand and @heartstringsduet the little squirrel photos y'all send me are soul soothers for real! @st-elle-ar and @clottedcreamfudge and @lightningboltreader and @birdclowns for the cat pics! @howtosingit for your commentary and spoiler services 💜

5. the grace given to me by @carlos-in-glasses and @actual-sleeping-beauty - you two are so kind and encouraging and tell me all about your knitting projects even when i go missing for weeks on end. thank you for being my friends <3 and i don't even think you guys know you are both my yarn obsessed friends but you ARE.

6. everyone who has trusted me enough to collab with them on projects - the legends on never the same twice, @rmd-writes @strandnreyes. i loved working with you and i hope you had a positive experience! looking forward to more collabs in 2025.

7. the document gremlins, betas and sensitivity readers i've collected this year - @rmd-writes @strandnreyes @lightningboltreader @celeritas2997 @cold-blooded-jelly-doughnut ty ty ty ty some of those fics were in danger of being lost forever but we revived them!

8. @she-walked-away for making me laugh with your hilarious posts and olympia2997 who apparently doesn't exist on tumblr but leaves the most unhinged comments of all time on my fics.

9. everyone who has translated my fics or made art or gifs this year! inspired by you and in awe of you! @donghaian @whatsintheboxmh @heartstringsduet @guardian-angle22 i know there are more i'm so sorry if i've not listed you here!!!

10. everyone in the various fandoms i'm in who have created brilliant works in 2024! i am inspired by your work more than you know <3

2025 - things i want to do (in fandom, in no particular order)

1. read more, and read more broadly. expand my horizons a bit. read things that are a touch outside my go-to zones just to test the waters. read stuff by new authors!

2. spend time co-writing because that's actually my favourite thing to do. i have some things in the pipeline with a couple of people which i hope work out!

3. finish. the. damn. fic. (eurotrip). IT'S SO FREAKING CLOSE.

4. spend more time with my 2019-2021 beloveds - alex and henry. write more rwrb fic. engage in the fandom a bit more.

5. finish the ring-in 2.0 within 1 month of the LS finale (weep).

6. take one hand off the wheel with fandom relationships - my therapist tells me i need to stop trying to control how everyone feels about me and instead let people show me the kind of friendship they're interested in maintaining. scary because i think i may lose some people along the way but OH WELL WE BALL.

7. worry less about the engagement! god! i need to stop looking so much! *shakes fist at self*

8. write a little more regularly with less word count expectations.

9. learn how to be okay with smaller comments (from myself). sometimes i feel terrible if i don't write a damn essay but sometimes it stops me from reading which is horrible!

10. be a better fandom contributor than i was in 2024 - i think continuous growth is important and i'm always open to feedback (as long as it's constructive and genuine)! my mission is to always make a positive contribution and to make people feel good about themselves, and if i can even do that for one person in 2025, i think i will achieve this goal.

ty for the 2024 wrapped tags @hippolotamus @rmd-writes @reyesstrand @emsprovisions @nancys-braids @carlos-in-glasses @lemonlyman-dotcom @alrightbuckaroo @strandnreyes @thisbuildinghasfeelings @whatsintheboxmh @heartstringsduet @firenati0n @cha-melodius. you are real ones! consider this a tag back if you would like to do a 2024/2025 10 things edition.

[potatoes83]

AI...

So I went to Taco Bell yesterday, the one on 11 Mile in Royal Oak, since the one up on 12 Mile in Madison Heights, although closer to my home, absolutely sucks. And this is something I try not to do, because it's nothing but calories, although a good and inexpensive source of protein, and I indeed regretted its return all through the night.

I pull in, roll the window down, and I hear the car in front of me talking to what is very clearly a computerized AI voice. A pleasant enough female voice, good diction, but with the very obvious pauses between phrases. I think that's the biggest difference; humans tend to trail off with their phrases, our conversations are a two-way street as we finish each other's sentences. AI doesn't do that. Okay, got it. Would you like anything else? No. Say, it's hot out there. Did you know you can get any medium drink for $2.99? Would you like to add a medium drink for $2.99? No. Okay. Got it.

At this point, making fun of the still imperfect technology, I would point out that it was late December in Michigan. One is more apt to be after a nice hot coffee then a plastic cup of iced sugar water.

Now, I guess credit where it's due, the thing did take my order with surprising accuracy. I order several different items, each of which has a modification because I'm either swapping out the ground beef or chicken in favor of black beans, or adding sour cream to something because it's delicious. It got everything bang on, much better than the voice assist on my smartphone or in my vehicle. And removing all doubt, there was indeed a sticker on the squawk box saying AI is assisting us today.

One thing I noticed is that even though I was perfectly aware that I was talking to AI, my common courtesy still instinctively kicked in; yes please, no thank you, that sort of thing. But when it prompted me for the roundup donation at the end, there wasn't that guilt of telling a human no, I don't want to send my change to some foundation, because I was talking to a robot.

I think one of the biggest problems I have with all of this is the lack of human interaction. And don't get me wrong, I'm an introvert by nature, leave me alone in my office to do my work, and don't get between me and my home. But you still need basic human interaction. You need the banter. Because I go out of my way to start my interactions with basic human pleasantries; good evening, how are you doing? No bullshit, no idle chit chat, but 10 seconds of acknowledgment that I am a human being talking to a human being. That was missing.

I very much doubt it's going away, though it would be nice if it gave you some quick little survey at the end so you could tell them what you think. Like those ziosk tablets at Olive Garden, at the end it asks you if the ziosk device improved your dining experience. And it's like, no. It may have made life a little bit easier for the server, able to ring the app in right at the table, although these days they can be just as easily carrying around a mobile device. So I'm able to slice my credit card right there at the table instead of the server having to go to the nearest POS station to do it, again, could be solved with a mobile device. It's like, I didn't come here to ring in my own order, any more than I'm still terribly fond of having to ring up and bag my own groceries. So as the end use Taco Bell customer, your AI didn't generally improve my experience one way or the other. Although, to be fair, I have had some absolutely abysmal customer service where humans are involved, when they're clearly just not paying attention, and you have to repeat yourself five times. The AI did help with that, I suppose. 🥔

guys don't worry about ai anymore

[drdemonprince]

I think think about your piece How to Go Places Alone And Not Feel Like A Freak Looser (or something to that affect) quite often.

While it is uncomfortable, tiring, nerve wracking, to feel like or be the odd one out, I am at least used to the feeling. It takes nerve but (especially as a kid/teen) have always gone to things alone and, once I get over myself, enjoy not caring what anyone thinks about my presence.

As an (ever transsexualizing >:) adult, I am getting back into doing & dressing however I want in public (embarrassing yourself is inevitable, might as well enjoy life!). This is a funner, freer, outlook, but I hoped being more myself would help me find my people.

I’m used to the awful feeling of being an alien freak looser (real or imagined) so I can hype myself up to be in my own world when I’m out. But I wonder if doing this, and choosing events based on interest instead of demographics or friendship, reinforces my felling of disconnect with people. It’s easier to accept, and dress like, I’ll always stick out (be alone) than it is to imagine mimicking those around me.

I went to an explicitly cruisey new years night and instead of studying the crowd intensely trying to fit in, wore my shiny platforms, smiled at people, and danced just for the fun of it. Feeling good about myself and enjoying my experience requires an ‘eh fuck ‘em’ attitude. I can enjoy being in public seeing all my fellow earthlings but it does not feel social. And I realize, my time there felt anything but sexy. I wasn’t about to walz into the darkroom (let’s walk before we run), but I hate that I couldn’t feel comfortable in this place I’ve always wanted to be.

I return to the same questions everywhere I go: I can exist, but how am I supposed to learn the codes of a space when I can’t study (ruminate) from afar?

How could I ever be social when (even joyous and embodied) I can’t get out of my own head?

How do you know when it’s time to listen to your gut and when to play into a social game?

I understand what you mean about the duality between doing your own thing in your own little alien bubble and actively placing effort into connecting with the people around you (which often feels like it requires masking).

But, from my perspective, both of those are strategies for dealing with social overwhelm -- one is more dissociative, and the other's more compensatory. Both of them reflect a discomfort with the people in the space. And they're both perfectly reasonable ways to deal with such feelings! But the way to move forward, at least in my experience, is to continue attending events until you attain enough familiarity with them that you actually start feeling more comfortable.

You said you didn't feel sexy at this cruisy party, and certainly weren't ready to venture into the dark room. That's fine! You can work your way up in whatever order of activities is least intimidating to most intimidating to you.

The first few times that I go to a club, I need anywhere from a few minutes to an hour to get warmed up enough to really dance on the floor and take up a ton of space and make weird gestures. I spend a lot of time lurking in the corner or reading a book at the bar at first. After I've been there a number of times, I know the deal of the space better, recognize a few people, maybe have developed a rapport with the door guy or a regular, and it gets easier to branch out and feel more at ease in my skin. People intuit this and approach me more often when I'm feeling more comfortable, and my reactions have fewer exit ramps built into them (one of my protective instincts is to throw out a lot of conversation-enders that make people feel rejected, lmaoo good one me).

The same general principles I've described here can apply to any new social challenge, including a bar with a backroom where people are fucking. Show up again. Do your thing. Maybe find a spot to post up and observe, since you mentioned an interest in doing that. Bring a book or some knitting if you want, and wear whatever outfit helps you feel comfortable and good with yourself. The first few times you do all this, people may get strong "I'm Doing My Own Thing Leave Me Alone" vibes from you, as they often do from Autistics, and that's fine. You're still learning and acclimating from being there. After a couple of tries, head into that back room. It's not as exciting as you think it's gonna be. You might get to watch some fucking or you might just see a bunch of guys pacing around who are just as awkward as you feel that you are. But then you'll know what it's like. And then you just keep showing up, and observing and participating in small ways (watching is participation in a sex club!), and you'll get steadily more involved in the space and connected to the people each time that you do.

I've been going to pet patrol nights for a long time and I've only just now gotten to the point where I can chat up random people and get into hookups relatively easily, instead of just standing around mutely hoping someone will approach me. Bringing friends has helped a ton to relax me and make me seem more approachable to others, too, so you could try that!

for anyone wondering here's the full piece

[shinyzango]

So, 2025...

Now that we're officially in 2025, and I finally recovered from the new year allnighter so I can finally reason, let's finally talk about personal objectives for the year.

2025 is going to be... a busy year for me. I got many plans on the line that I am going to hopefully achieve by the end of the year.

First of all, the biggest most important thing is that starting from this year, I'm officially a Freelancer Artist. Yes until now I've kept doing it as a side thing, but seeing how things are going, I'm going to see how it'll work out. While the prospect of fully center my job around art is rather intimidating to me, I really cannot think of any other job I can undertake as a primary income source. I will make this work. In prospect of this, things are most likely to change a bit commissions wise as I will have to adapt elements (such as prices and request form) in order to fit better with this. I apologize if this will make it harder for folks to buy something for me, but it is a necessary change. But on the other side, I do want to push myself out there and start actually leaving a mark. I want to be seen, to join projects and help bringing them to life. It's time I get out of my shell for good.

Another objective for the year, as I mentioned before, is to officially start putting down "The Last Nutcracker". I think I waited long enough and I can't keep hold it back further. When I will start, that I cannot say for certain. But it is going to happen.

Then, I want to stream more. Both Art and Games. I want to hang out and have fun, share my experiences with everyone. I have a long list of games I want to stream as I mentioned before (with even more games than what I did list as I slowly remembered more games I want to play), and I want to get around to play through them. Have a proper stream setup and all.

What else... well, there are smaller personal objectives, such as get the driving license for cars, learn japanese, find a physical activity that I enjoy doing in order to get back in shape, meeting up with my irl friends more often, rent a table at a comic convention at least once...

and definitely more objectives that my brain is most likely forgetting about at the moment.

This is going to be a busy year. But it is going to be THE year. A year of changes. Of improvement. I will make sure of it.

And I wish it will be the same for everyone else. I know we're currently in a period where a lot of shit is happening and everything looks bleak, but it's important to remember that even if the world is shit, we can still work to make our lives that more enjoyable for ourselves. It all starts with us.

We can do it.

Happy New Year, folks. Let's fuckin rock this year.