#things to do when the pandemic end
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The danger is clear and present: COVID isn’t merely a respiratory illness; it’s a multi-dimensional threat impacting brain function, attacking almost all of the body’s organs, producing elevated risks of all kinds, and weakening our ability to fight off other diseases. Reinfections are thought to produce cumulative risks, and Long COVID is on the rise. Unfortunately, Long COVID is now being considered a long-term chronic illness — something many people will never fully recover from. Dr. Phillip Alvelda, a former program manager in DARPA’s Biological Technologies Office that pioneered the synthetic biology industry and the development of mRNA vaccine technology, is the founder of Medio Labs, a COVID diagnostic testing company. He has stepped forward as a strong critic of government COVID management, accusing health agencies of inadequacy and even deception. Alvelda is pushing for accountability and immediate action to tackle Long COVID and fend off future pandemics with stronger public health strategies. Contrary to public belief, he warns, COVID is not like the flu. New variants evolve much faster, making annual shots inadequate. He believes that if things continue as they are, with new COVID variants emerging and reinfections happening rapidly, the majority of Americans may eventually grapple with some form of Long COVID. Let’s repeat that: At the current rate of infection, most Americans may get Long COVID.
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LP: A recent JAMA study found that US adults with Long COVID are more prone to depression and anxiety – and they’re struggling to afford treatment. Given the virus’s impact on the brain, I guess the link to mental health issues isn’t surprising. PA: There are all kinds of weird things going on that could be related to COVID’s cognitive effects. I’ll give you an example. We’ve noticed since the start of the pandemic that accidents are increasing. A report published by TRIP, a transportation research nonprofit, found that traffic fatalities in California increased by 22% from 2019 to 2022. They also found the likelihood of being killed in a traffic crash increased by 28% over that period. Other data, like studies from the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration, came to similar conclusions, reporting that traffic fatalities hit a 16-year high across the country in 2021. The TRIP report also looked at traffic fatalities on a national level and found that traffic fatalities increased by 19%. LP: What role might COVID play? PA: Research points to the various ways COVID attacks the brain. Some people who have been infected have suffered motor control damage, and that could be a factor in car crashes. News is beginning to emerge about other ways COVID impacts driving. For example, in Ireland, a driver’s COVID-related brain fog was linked to a crash that killed an elderly couple. Damage from COVID could be affecting people who are flying our planes, too. We’ve had pilots that had to quit because they couldn’t control the airplanes anymore. We know that medical events among U.S. military pilots were shown to have risen over 1,700% from 2019 to 2022, which the Pentagon attributes to the virus.
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LP: You’ve criticized the track record of the CDC and the WHO – particularly their stubborn denial that COVID is airborne. PA: They knew the dangers of airborne transmission but refused to admit it for too long. They were warned repeatedly by scientists who studied aerosols. They instituted protections for themselves and for their kids against airborne transmission, but they didn’t tell the rest of us to do that.
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LP: How would you grade Biden on how he’s handled the pandemic? PA: I’d give him an F. In some ways, he fails worse than Trump because more people have actually died from COVID on his watch than on Trump’s, though blame has to be shared with Republican governors and legislators who picked ideological fights opposing things like responsible masking, testing, vaccination, and ventilation improvements for partisan reasons. Biden’s administration has continued to promote the false idea that the vaccine is all that is needed, perpetuating the notion that the pandemic is over and you don’t need to do anything about it. Biden stopped the funding for surveillance and he stopped the funding for renewing vaccine advancement research. Trump allowed 400,000 people to die unnecessarily. The Biden administration policies have allowed more than 800,000 to 900,000 and counting.
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LP: The situation with bird flu is certainly getting more concerning with the CDC confirming that a third person in the U.S. has tested positive after being exposed to infected cows. PA: Unfortunately, we’re repeating many of the same mistakes because we now know that the bird flu has made the jump to several species. The most important one now, of course, is the dairy cows. The dairy farmers have been refusing to let the government come in and inspect and test the cows. A team from Ohio State tested milk from a supermarket and found that 50% of the milk they tested was positive for bird flu viral particles.
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PA: There’s a serious risk now in allowing the virus to freely evolve within the cow population. Each cow acts as a breeding ground for countless genetic mutations, potentially leading to strains capable of jumping to other species. If any of those countless genetic experiments within each cow prove successful in developing a strain transmissible to humans, we could face another pandemic – only this one could have a 58% death rate. Did you see the movie “Contagion?” It was remarkably accurate in its apocalyptic nature. And that virus only had a 20% death rate. If the bird flu makes the jump to human-to-human transition with even half of its current lethality, that would be disastrous.
#sars cov 2#covid 19#h5n1#bird flu#articles#long covid is def a global issue not just for those in the us and most countries aren't doing much better#regardless of how much lower the mortality rate for h5n1 may or may not become if/when it becomes transmissible between humans#having bird flu infect a population the majority of whose immune system has been decimated by sars2#to the point where the average person seems to have a hard time fighting off the common cold etc...#(see the stats of whooping cough/pertussis and how they're off the CHARTS this yr in the uk and aus compared to previous yrs?#in qld average no of cases was 242 over prev 4 yrs - there have been /3783/ diagnosed as of june 9 this yr and that's just in one state.#there's a severe shortage of meds for kids in aus bc of the demand and some parents visit +10 pharmacies w/o any luck)#well.#let's just say that i miss the days when ph orgs etc adhered to the precautionary principle and were criticised for 'overreacting'#bc nothing overly terrible happened in the end (often thanks to their so-called 'overreaction')#now to simply acknowledge the reality of an obviously worsening situation is to be accused of 'fearmongering'#🤷♂️#also putting long covid and bird flu aside for a sec:#one of the wildest things that everyone seems to overlook that conor browne and others on twt have been saying for yrs#is that the effects of the covid pandemic extend far beyond the direct impacts of being infected by the virus itself#we know sars2 rips apart immune system+attacks organs. that in effect makes one more susceptible to other viruses/bacterial infections etc#that in turn creates increased demand for healthcare services for all kinds of carers and medications#modern medicine and technology allows us to provide often effective and necessary treatment for all kinds of ailments#but what if there's not enough to go around? what happens when the demand is so high that it can't be provided fast enough -- or at all?#(that's assuming you can even afford it)#what happens when doctors and nurses and other healthcare workers keep quitting due to burnout from increased patients and/or illness#because they themselves do not live in a separate reality and are not any more sheltered from the effects of constant infection/reinfection#of sars2 and increased susceptibility to other illnesses/diseases than the rest of the world?#this is the 'new normal' that's being cultivated (the effects of which are already blatantly obvious if you're paying attention)#and importantly: it. doesn't. have. to. be. this. way.
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Rei in official stuff that’s not manga/Comic Gene related
1) In Yoruwa Honoka there’s a picture of him that changes into Qta, who’s also on a Yoruwa Honoka promotional art posted on the Zingai app
2) On an actual official knk art released on the Zingai app
3) On Fight Song for one millisecond
4) On the “All about the balloon disease” extras from Insomnia
#kara no kioku#bestie is unloved fr bc those are cameos im sure eve has no saying on those#except the Zingai art thing#I could be wrong but I feel that art was released either by the end of 2020 or at some point during 2021#wanna say 2021 bc the manga was more stablished then but i do not remember#i got the Kara no Kioku I can’t remember shit#also I don’t remember when the Zingai app came out I know it was during the pandemic but I don’t remember when#anyway yeh I think he asked for that one to promote the manga or whatever knk first year was rough as hell#any promotion was good promotion#still sadge the boy tm only gets four things and two of them are by the same person
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went to my first con in 4 years on Friday to meet Kaiji Tang and got a Dazai autograph + video recording of him reading to me. He was the sweetest person (as I knew he would be) and interacting with him was lovely, but also at the same time oh boy it sure was an extremely stressful, ugly wake-up call of what it feels like to live in a world now where everyone around you has blissfully moved on from covid and can enjoy things normally and happily, while you'll forever be trapped in a hellscape of perpetual fear 🫠🫠🫠
#like. to be clear this was the first time i've been literally anywhere but doctor's appointments in 4 years#not just because of the pandemic but because of mental and physical exhaustion#so it was a Big Mistake to go from 0 to 100 and not ease myself into it at all#but at the same time........ it was a fucking hellscape of people. i don't think any kind of buildup could have prepared me for it at all.#it was so much less crowded in 2020 (ironically the very last place i ever went; literally on the BRINK of covid)#and now idk what it's become. a monster con. it was unbelievable.#but i was only there for less than an hour but i was so so so terrified that i very nearly left before even seeing him#i couldn't even fully enjoy meeting him as kind as he was because i was so anxious and distracted#and when i got back to the car i just fucking cried.........#the last five days i've just been sitting in fear waiting to feel Any sort of symptoms#i wore two masks and again was barely there for long but Still#and everyone around me was so chill as if everything was normal and No One was wearing a mask :))))) it's not fucking fair man :)))))#insert the 'they don't know' meme; they don't know how much covid can destroy your body even if you get a 'mild' case#i would never want to be that ignorant even if i wasn't disabled and didn't have reason to worry (but everyone has reason to worry!!!)#but also. ignorance is bliss and it just really fucking sucks man.#it really fucking sucks. why do they get to be happy and enjoying life and not /me?/#why can't i do just ONE thing for myself without having it tainted by anxiety and fear that i'm going to die horribly???#while they get to do fucking EVERYTHING???#if they all just wore masks we could all enjoy ourselves much more comfortably than some of us are now#but no that's too much to ask from people 🙃🙃🙃#shit sucks man. the world sucks. something that should be a happy memory for me was simultaneously the most awful experience#and i don't know how to feel about it now that it's over#he knew that i was afraid and at the end he told me that he hoped to see me again at another event someday#and that made me cry because it felt like dazai telling me to live. and i want to. but i don't know how to when the world is like this now.#i desperately want to be able to see him again someday but right now after how terrifying that was i never want to go to a con ever again..#i wanted to ask him things about the manga and about dazai but i was being rushed and stressed so i couldn't ugh#(and doing that is hard enough anyway cause disability and i have to talk with my phone bahhhh)#at least i was able to give him my note *sigh*
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Sanji weeping about komurasaki dying ajdhsksj that is him every time a woman suffers
#sanji asking about luffy and franky going oh yeah he must be making something explode right about now#FRANKY YOU NEED TO BREAK SANJI'S LEGS BEFORE HE THINKS ANY MORE ABOUT GOING TO THE WOMENS BATHOUSE#kaido and mama used to be nakamas????? well i have a theory about katakuris father......#tama talking thru the den den mushi omg......#sunachi..... what does zoro know....#luffy keeps giving this old man food omg....#the fucking guards...... why are they dressed like leather gays alhdakhdsk.... oda what do you know#i wanna see luffy fuck people up woth his bare (not gummy) hands so bad......#talking tag#watching one piece#the comments from FOUR YEARS AGO were asking about the panedmic and when the next episode would come out.... time capsule#i am so lucky i am watching it after the pandemic stop.... i really am....#episode 929#luffy just smiling while the guards chant 'kill him' new favourite thing#you know the the batman scene where a cop says they are going to bring him in for assaulting an officer and he says why not three....#same vibes#is queen a reference for mad max???? omg NO WAY HE ISNT LOOK AT THE VISUALS AND THE MUSIC LMAO#the ending with luffy heehee ing omg...... new new favourite thing#episode 930#the intro saying 'when it gets hard. laugh' heehee i know that reference (i shouldn't)#luffy fighting with that man on his arm akdjsksjsk#sanji is not really doing this right.... this cannot be.... also mixed baths???#robin not bathing on public baths.... does it really weaken them if its not salt water too??? yes nami you should make them pay#YEAAAHHH BALL CRUSHER MIDDLE AGED WOMAN!!!!!!#i think sanji learnt about estrogen from iva and has been putting it into the food for obvious reasons but it only works on zoro and luffy#this is like sumo speed.... sumo or die#episode 931#no more luffy beating people up without his powers 😞😞
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god that "morning people are an oppressive class" post annoys me in some way i cant. quite. ugh
#toy txt post#it doesnt feel quite right to me...........#maybe im just a Morning Person. lol. lmao even#idk how much that is true vs in high school i felt very much like a morning person bc#i was taking my adderall with coffee and then it would all wear off right at the end of the day and id crash soooo hard and have like.#anxiety attacks every night and just be generally overstimulated and irritable as hell#which is mostly managed now by me trying to be smarter about caffeine consumption (amount + when) and on a lower dose of adderall#but it does feel like a lot of that shit mentioned would be adequately covered by like. being able to take time off work to go to the#doctor etc. idk#im half joking these days when i ID as a morning person but legally none of you are allowed to get up my ass about it🔪#bc of the nocturnal bullshit i pulled on second shift for like 3yrs after everything around me decided to start closing early after the#pandemic hit even tho theyve re lifted every other miniscule precaution they ever enforced#probably bc no one wants to work night shift at the grocery store for like 12$ an hour. fucking offer better pay idiots#god even when i was a package handler working the super inconvenient hours of 3am-like. 9. 10am(inconvenient my ass that was ideal hours.)#the main reasons ppl left for other jobs: hours suck and they got offered better pay. they cant adjust the hours. so they shouldve#increased the pay to retain. and maybe have more structured start and end times that were less up in the air#like all the drivers leave at 9am so if theres anything left on the truck thatll be for tomorrow. since that fuckin happened anyway. idk.#honestly wouldve been more important to me to have consistent start times cos thats one of the things that pissed me off about that job was#like youd go in and before you left youd have to ask what the start time would be tomorrow cos they kept jumping all over the place by like#15min increments and like its once thing to do it on occasion to try to deal with like Bad Weather but it was like fucking Daily#and sometimes theyd write it on the little whiteboard. but sometimes they wouldnt. and sometimes theyd write it on the little whiteboard#and leave it up there forget to erase it and it would still be there but they told you as you walked out actually its not 4:30 tmrrw its 3#idk. i know the main real reason i miss it is cause it was part time and the day ended at like 9am usually
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#warning there’s too many typos but who cares#i’m always complaining to myself in my head about how me & my best friend have grown apart#we’ve spent all out teenage years doing everything together even though we weren’t from the same school#we’d still find ways to see each other if not every day then at least every month#& since she started college & then a relationship & then work we’ve just grown apart & it was embarrassing for me really because i was alwa#ys the depressed never busy always alone type & i always ended up felt clingy when asking to hang out#feeling*#specially because she’s a social butterfly & i’m the one who has social anxiety lol but it was always reassuring to have her by my side#during these social events#then the pandemic happened & after things went back to normal.. i can actually count on my finger how many times we’ve seen each other irl#also stopped texting each other which is an important detail considering we used to talk every single day#especially because she’s like. literally the only person i feel comfortable opening up abt things i wouldn’t tell anyone#so i just feel isolated & a bit lost in life without her presence in it... but i’m just a very insecure human & always feel like the plans#& little dates & things i come up & plan for us to do is just... super boring to her (or anyone else)#so i stopped trying completely. which is sad because i miss her immensely#but last november i went to a festival with some friends but felt super stressed on the first day but tried to hide it from everyone#because i don’t wanna ruin the whole trip by being moody so i just kept to myself#ended up feeling overwhelmed & on day2 of the festival we txt each other bc she’s gonna be there#so i just spent the entire day2 with her & her partner & we all had such an amazing time... it really revitalized me lol#& everything felt so familiar even though i hadn’t seen her since her bday in may..#& idk i just missed her. i always felt like this lack of talking & seeing each other just meant that they didnt like me as a friend anymore#or that i wasn’t worth keeping around... idk i’m always expecting the worse which is so unfair to the other person#i know she loves me & that life happens#anyway all that to say that i decided to stop being a pussy & stop mopping around#crying abt how i’m alone & friendless. & like. just text them & invite invite them to see a movie or something#idk if it didn’t work our 2 years ago life happens i am trying again#i won’t find someone like them that easily again in life i think
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Daily Log 7
Trying out (probably just temporarily) making short daily-ish notes about things, in an attempt to see if it helps me be more reflective or productive lol.
Activities: Finished all of the little things I carved out of avocado pits, will maybe post pictures at some point? I painted some sections (like for the eye I carved, I made part of it white for contrast, etc.) and then generally glazed them with some shiny paint stuff. Now I really wish I had more avocado pits, I was unsure at first, but I have some new ideas.. I want to try inlaying stones like I've seen in some pictures, similar to the same ones I use for eyes in my sculptures. >:3 (random google image example of the stones inside, like this sort of thing V)
Low effort/small house cleaning tasks, did a few dishes, put up laundry, organized things, put up the recycling, paid bills, etc.
Still extremely sleepy and unfocused, it was hot last night and the cats woke me up multiple times so I only got a few hours of sleep and barely had any energy to do anything and also had a headache and back pain a lot of the day. ToT
Finally made an appointment I was supposed to make like 4 days ago lol..
Gave wet food to the cats (this is an ordeal because George eats way faster than Noodle, so I have to separate them and stand guard so George doesn't vacuum his up immediately then run over and try to eat all of his brothers food.. evil boy must be watched to prevent his crimes )
Edited videos for like.. 15 minutes but still have not been very productive on that front (or editing costume photos or anything) due to shoulder pain and stuff making it hard to type/use mouse much on the computer. grrbbb >:V
Spent 10 minutes looking up a weird pendant I had in my rock collection area and found out it's an old piece of costume jewelry from the 60s(?) and could be worth like $200 potentially, which is cool. I'm not sure if I'll sell it though because I do think it's quite unique and good for a prop when making wizard character inventories, etc, and I'd never be able to find anything like it again (it's this one below.. it's very weird.. looks like something a mage would have lol)
Translated the tapestry text for 5 minutes, and got out some tubs of clothes to start organizing them to sell outfits and stuff online, but then felt ill and had to go lay down so now the tubs are just sitting out on the floor ghgh..
Notable sights: It rained a bit and the sky was very pretty at one point. Didn't get to go outside today due to schedule/low energy, so no clovers or anything. Saw a fat squirrel out the window once though. Also when I was looking through my "rock collection" (which also includes marbles, dice, pieces of glass, stones, gems, rubber balls, seashells, smooth wood, jewelry scraps, etc. ggh.. really more "shiny things collection" but it's mostly rocks, so) for interesting stones to possibly put into avocado pits in the future, I saw a lot of pretty rocks I hadn't thought about in a while, so that was nice.
Goals moving forward: Focus on social activities, finding new friends in the places I want to move, communicating with ones I have. Physical therapy exercises. Finish and upload videos, edit costume pictures & etc. Do the new costumes I've planned. MAKE SCULPTURES at some point, I miss them.
Notable foods: Nothing really.. but it's an asparagus day tomorrow I think so.. >:)c hehehehe... Oh, I did try a bite of corn, which I really really love corn but am not supposed to have it on my diet. The miniscule morsel was sufficiently cherished. Still craving hearty stuff despite resuming my iron supplements lol..
#just posting these publicly since it feels more like I'm doing something or easier to hold yourself accountable if you make public#declarations of goals and progress or etc. .. perhaps.. for now#just want to do worldbuilding I want to work on the language I want to do these sorts of things#furstrating to just walk around in a haze all day unable to focus on mental tasks like that#One of the most important things in my entire life actually is being able to think about little elves and magic and etc.#annoying to have multiple days in a row where I make very little progress on that aside from thinking of a few little story#ideas or something here and there. I should have had the text translated already and finished the worldbuilding slideshow#already and made a game set in my world already and so on and so forth.. grr#There's another upcoming heatwave again and summer is soon so I think it will only get worsw#the more often I feel warm and sick or cant sleep due to the temperature etc.#But I am trying to catch up somehow.. a little.. lol#I think it's very common to feel like you're not making enough progress in life on the things that matter the most to you#especially during capitalism and with low income and mental/physical health issues and during a still ongoing pandemic#threat and etc. etc. etc. like.. Logically I get it and I know it's not something to be too worked up over because that's just how#probably half of the population feels at all times especially people who are in similar situations to me#but still.. my brain is like Yes i know the facts of the situation No i do not care#if someone else came to me like 'ough Im feeling so unproductive for xyz reason' I'd reassure them and talk about how#it's situational and a lot of people feel that way and it's the system we live in and blah blah#but when it's ME it's like.. No.. This Situation Is Different Of Course. Surely It Is Much More Terrible#If You Haven't Finished Your Entire ToDo List By The End Of The Week Then The World Will Explode#ANYWAY..#daily log
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You’ve heard of shower beer, but may I interest you in shower Ensure MAX PROTEIN Nutrition Shake
#I am not normally a protein bro#(though I have been one at various times#most notably Operation Get Huge Summer 2k19 when I paid a personal trainer to 'make it so when they hit me I don't move'#and it worked--I went from benchwarmer to main rotation FOR TWO GLORIOUS MONTHS BEFORE THE PANDEMIC ENDED MY DERBY CAREER)#but during high mileage blocks I am one out of necessity#and I wasn't getting enough from food and I am too lazy to make my own shakes#(I know running high mileage does not sound lazy but actually once you are doing it running takes less executive function than anything else#because your usual distractions are not there and you just do the same thing the whole time and don't have to remind yourself how)#so Ensure it is!#I expect beverages with 30 grams of protein to taste nasty but it just tastes like regular chocolate milk#'lazy' is with an asterisk. ykwim
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#Stunted growth#writing#poetry#2021#august 2021#august 27 2021#the first Good Poem i ever wrote!#this was when I actually got into writing poetry. Id written some before but they were barely just peoms and all sucked!!#anyways this is about the fear that quarantine fucked me up forever. mainly socially#i was also scared my generally life decisions were gonna fuck me up#like i want to work in animation when im an adult but thats not very promising career so im afraid im destined to be a failure…#anyways i just uploaded a bunch of old stuff in reverse order so uh sorry about that#i try to make the navigation if this blog more bearable through tagging dates with three tags#but honestly the whole thing has a shit set up… sorry haha. Im bad at this#im very picky choosey and spontaneous with what i want to upload and when so it ends up wonky and inconsistent#i cringe at my old stuff (and plenty of my present stuff too)#but i still want to eventually upload most of my stuff even if i hate most of it… but first i have to work up the nerves to do that#and sometimes i dont upload new stuff because i want to have old stuff uploaded with more new stuff uploaded more recently#so when people click on my blog they wont see all my old sucky stuff first#but whatever. If you cant handle me at my 2021 you dont deserve me at my 2024‼️💥💯🔥💪#guess you just have to dig through shit to get gold. Sorry bud haha#okay visibility tags now…#quarantine#covid#covid 19#pandemic#school#<- its KINDA mentioned. A little bit. And it IS a focal point of the main gist of this so….#isolation#social anxiety
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i know that once i write a tumblr post about it its mostly over but. i am (once again) considering not going to the bio exam. pros: 1. not having anxiety this weekend over studying for the two exams 2. i would be able to study the figures for the drawing exam the next day. which i am so so so close to passing finally (after all these yrs. (the same yrs as ive been taking bio but whateverrr)).
cons: 1. i would have to pay for bio class for the 6th time next year. 2. i would have to lie to my parents (once again) about 'going to the exam' 3. i would feel like shit next yr for still having a 1st yr class 4. my parents (read: my mom) would make me feel like shit (like shes already been doing for yrs) for being so far behind everyone (in her opinion)
#the thing is that once i start talking to ppl i see that ppl that started with me also still have 1st yr classes#just not bio bc our yr was the pandemic and most ppl passed :/ (except for me of course lol)#so anyways like theres ppl that still have programming and the like. so i dont feel /that/ bad once i talk to normal ppl#but at home...... well my parents especially my mom berate me so much for still having that#idk. maybe if i passed tech drawing it would be something??? for them to be happy about#like i think its worth it to focus only on tech drawing this weekend so i can get the figure right#bc i have like 5 excercises still that i need to do#and bio.... i studied a bit in may but i ended up not going to the exam#so i think its useless to start studying NOW when i could be using my time for tech drawing. which i have more 'in the bag' than bio. yknow#idk idk guysssss. i need yalls opinions. or at least to assure me that its ok if i (once again) dont go to the bio exam#z xarre
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#the thing that made appreciate azicrowley even more#is that last several years sucked#like on historical word wide level sucked#pandemic#war#growing authoritarianism#another war#and a lot of other things like earthquakes and floods and serial killers that don't get on hold just because whole world crashes#and sometimes I think how would've I dealt with all this alone#and the answer is I wouldn't#like at best I would've end in hospital or back at my parents#at worst I would've be suicidal#but I wasn't alone#I had and still have friends#people that share my values#people who will agree that everything goes to shit but won't let me just give up#people that will distract me from terrible things and that will say to me that I'm doing good job#when I'm sure I'm useless#and I projecting this at azicrowley very much#they are first and foremost are: coworkers that don't want to work#friends that hold each other back#and witnesses of whole human history#6 thousands years of good and worst#and they witnessed it together
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how to start reading again
from someone who was a voracious reader until high school and is now getting back into it in her twenties.
start with an old favourite. even though it felt a little silly, i re-read the harry potter series one christmas and it wiped away my worry that i wasn't capable of reading anymore. they are long books, but i was still able to get completely immersed and to read just as fast as i had years and years ago.
don't be afraid of "easier" books. before high school i was reading the french existentialists, but when getting back into reading, i picked up lucinda riley and sally rooney. not my favourite authors by far, but easier to read while not being totally terrible. i needed to remind myself that only choosing classics would not make me a better or smarter person. if a book requires a slower pace of reading to be understood, it's easier to just drop it, which is exactly what i wanted to avoid at first.
go for essays and short stories. no need to explain this one: the shorter the whole, the less daunting it is. i definitely avoided all books over 350 pages at first and stuck to essay collections until i suddenly devoured donna tartt's goldfinch.
remember it's okay not to finish. i was one of those people who finished every book they started, but not anymore! if i pick up a book at the library and after a few chapters realise i'd rather not read it, i just return it. (another good reason to use your local library! no money spent on books you might end up disliking.)
analyse — or don't. some people enjoy reading more when they take notes or really stop to think about the contents. for me, at first, it was more important to build the habit of reading, and the thought of analysing what i read felt daunting. once i let go of that expectation, i realised i naturally analyse and process what i read anyway.
read when you would usually use your phone. just as i did when i was a child, i try to read when eating, in the bathroom, on public transport, right before sleeping. i even read when i walk, because that's normally a time i stare at my screen anyway. those few pages you read when you brush your teeth and wait for a friend very quickly stack up.
finish the chapter. if you have time, try to finish the part you're reading before closing the book. usually i find i actually don't want to stop reading once i get to the end of a chapter — and if i do, it feels like a good place to pick up again later.
try different languages. i was quickly approaching a reading slump towards the end of my exchange year, until i realised i had only had access to books in english and that, despite my fluency, i was tired of the language. so as soon as i got back home i started picking up books in my native tongue, which made reading feel much easier and more fun again! after some nine months, i'm starting to read in english again without it feeling like a huge task.
forget what's popular. i thought social media would be a fun way to find interesting books to read, but i quickly grew frustrated after hating every single book i picked up on some influencer's recommendation. it's certainly more time-consuming to find new books on your own, but this way i don't despise every novel i pick up.
remember it isn't about quantity. the online book community's endless posts about reading 150 books each year or 6 books in a single day easily make us feel like we're slow, bad readers, but here's the thing: it does not matter at all how many books you read or what your reading pace is. we all lead different lives, just be proud of yourself for reading at all!
stop stressing about it. we all know why reading is important, and since the pandemic reading has become an even more popular hobby than it was before (which is wonderful!). however, there's no need to force yourself to be "a reader". pick up a book every now and then and keep reading if you enjoy it, but not reading regularly doesn't make you any less of a good person. i find the pressure to become "a person who reads" or to rediscover my inner bookworm only distances me from the very act of reading.
#louisa-gc#academia#studyblr#aesthetic#book#books#reading#read#advice#help#university#study#uni#library#bibliophile#it girl#that girl#habits#booktok#booktube#bookstagram
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Good Soup. See above.
Also @seeking-elsewhither's tags because yes, exactly:
#story time! so when i was in school during covid and we were doing online learning we had this health teacher right?#and she was very sweet and very kind and we all loved her. and i still think of her fondly#but anyway. probably because of the stresses of the pandemic we were doing a mental health unit#and one of the things was like... mindfulness exercises#so here i am. [redacted] years old. just kinda... staring at my computer screen. error 404 margin.exe has stopped working and all that#cause i'm catholic! i go to catholic school! i've talked about this with my parents before and i've read theology books talking about this#and i know it's incompatible with christian teaching- we weren't calling it yoga but like. the idea was very much still there you know?#so i email my theology teacher. i talk to my parents. i end up straight-up telling the health teacher “look. i can't do this assignment”#it was. a formative experience. hands down my least favorite covid memory. 0/10 no stars would not recommend#catholicism
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so while i was writing the book, i became violently suicidal.
this was mostly due to the fact that i had a very bad reaction to some meds and my brain stopped producing any serotonin. also i was in the last semester of grad school where it's actually illegal to feel anything but dread. so it wasn't going well.
somewhere in the fog of it i became aware i needed help. nobody was taking clients or my insurance. i didn't want to do inpatient care - it wasn't right for my needs. there's not really an "in between" stage between "inpatient" and "no care," but i was trying to do the right thing. i was trying to activate the chain of command that was my emergency plan. i knew i needed help now.
i used betterhelp.
i know, i know. i'm a straight-A student and so smart and so clever, how could i ever use something so blatantly bad. to be honest with you, i didn't feel particularly keen on it from the getgo - things that seem too good to be true usually are. also, if something online is free, the price is usually your privacy.
the thing is that there was kind of a global pandemic happening at the time and i worked 5 jobs alongside of being a fulltime student and also like writing a book on the side. it is a miracle that i even thought about getting help. i would love to tell you i had the mental wherewithal to like, process whether this was the right choice for me. mostly i was desperate. i was so suicidal that i was trying to find a reason to stay inside of fortune cookies. i was the kind of suicidal that looks like splatterpaint. i hadn't been that bad in an entire decade.
they took my data. i gave them it freely. somewhere out there, they have a dossier on me. on everything i survived. my story in little datapoints, scattergraphed beautifully.
the first woman told me that really i should be grateful, because (and this is a direct quote): "at least you're not anne frank." i said that i felt that statement was antisemitic, as anne frank's life and experience shouldn't be compared to like, a nonbinary lesbian in western massachusetts. the therapist said that i should try to use lucid dreaming to try to picture myself in an actually scary situation, like running from nazis.
i applied for another therapist. i was willing to accept the possibility that there was a bad apple in the bunch. the next therapist and i even laughed about how inappropriate that statement was. and then, in our next session: the new therapist said if i was struggling with body image issues, i should just work harder on my appearance. she spent 3 sessions in a row talking about how she was grieving, and made me memorize facts about her grandmother so "she can live on through my clients."
i am a three's-a-charm kind of person. okay, so what if the last person made me uncomfortable. i figured it was just a misunderstanding of priorities - she had felt she was sharing with me, i had felt like i had to take care of her. i applied for another therapist.
the last woman asked me to help her pray. she bowed her head. i stared at her, frozen, while she said: lord, i beg you: cure her. take the pain of being gay away from her.
i spent somewhere between 2.5 and 3 months on betterhelp. in that whole time, i was not getting the professional help i so desperately needed, even though i was fucking trying.
in the end, i survived this because i finally could get off the meds that were literally killing me. a request for a real therapist finally went through. i survived because my friends saved my life. because nick let me sob myself dry in his arms. because maddie took the razors out of my room when i asked them to. because grace slept over in my bed for like 3 weeks in a row since nobody trusted me not to hurt myself when i was alone. i survived because i got fucking lucky. because even when i was desperately suicidal, i was too old and too self-aware to take "you need to be prettier" as good advice.
the thing is that there's a 19 year old me who isn't like that. who would have heard "just think about how grateful you should be" and said - oh, i see. i would have assumed that is what it means to be in therapy: the same thing my abusers used to tell me. that i am just pretending and lazy. that i am ugly and unworthy.
betterhelp positioned itself to take advantage of an incredibly vulnerable community. it preys on desperation. it knows it is serving people who are not doing well mentally. it saw that there is a huge need for real, immediate, compassionate mental health care: and then it fucking takes your money and privacy.
i still get their ads on instagram. last night i watched as a woman in a pool pretends to talk to a different woman. they discuss her anxiety.
there's a 19 year old version of me, and she didn't survive this. she was too tired, and drowning. i almost fucking died. this thing almost fucking killed me.
in the ad, the woman playing the therapist takes a note on a clipboard and then nods once, sagely.
i have to admit it's a pretty scene. the steam and light coming off the pool water lands on the actresses. like this, it almost looks baptismal, holy.
#writeblr#the book....#coming soon#hey so if ur someone who has ever said “you need to write a book”#i wrote the book#it's ... probably the best thing ive ever written#this is maybe too honest lol#okay to reblog thank you for asking i love u i am in love with u our wedding will be in may
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Spider-Verse Artists Say Working on the Sequel Was ‘Death by a Thousand Paper Cuts’
Why don’t more animated movies look this good? According to people who worked on the sequel, Across the Spider-Verse, it’s because the working conditions required to produce such artistry are not sustainable.
Multiple Across the Spider-Verse crew members — ranging from artists to production executives who have worked anywhere from five to a dozen years in the animation business — describe the process of making the the $150 million Sony project as uniquely arduous, involving a relentless kind of revisionism that compelled approximately 100 artists to flee the movie before its completion.
While frequent major overhauls are standard operating procedure in animation (Pixar films can take between four and seven years to plot, animate, and render), those changes typically occur early on during development and storyboarding stages. But these Spider-Verse 2 crew members say they were asked to make alterations to already-approved animated sequences that created a backlog of work across multiple late-stage departments. Across the Spider-Verse was meant to debut in theaters in April of 2022, before it was postponed to October of that year and then June 2023 owing to what Entertainment Weekly reported as “pandemic-related delays.” However, the four crew members say animators who were hired in the spring of 2021 sat idle for anywhere from three to six months that year while Phil Lord tinkered with the movie in the layout stage, when the first 3-D representation of storyboards are created.
As a result, these individuals say, they were pushed to work more than 11 hours a day, seven days a week, for more than a year to make up for time lost and were forced back to the drawing board as many as five times to revise work during the final rendering stage.
"For animated movies, the majority of the trial-and-error process happens during writing and storyboarding. Not with fully completed animation. Phil’s mentality was, This change makes for a better movie, so why aren’t we doing it? It’s obviously been very expensive having to redo the same shot several times over and have every department touch it so many times. The changes in the writing would go through storyboarding. Then it gets to layout, then animation, then final layout, which is adjusting cameras and placements of things in the environment. Then there’s cloth and hair effects, which have to repeatedly be redone anytime there’s an animation change. The effects department also passes over the characters with ink lines and does all the crazy stuff like explosions, smoke, and water. And they work closely with lighting and compositing on all the color and visual treatments in this movie. Every pass is plugged into editing. Smaller changes tend to start with animation, and big story changes can involve more departments like visual development, modeling, rigging, and texture painting. These are a lot of artists affected by one change. Imagine an endless stream of them."
"Over 100 people left the project because they couldn’t take it anymore. But a lot stayed on just so they could make sure their work survived until the end — because if it gets changed, it’s no longer yours. I know people who were on the project for over a year who left, and now they have little to show for it because everything was changed. They went through the hell of the production and then got none of their work coming out the other side."
#across the spider verse#spider man: across the spider verse#spiderverse#spiderman#marvel#atsv#phil lord#film#animation#vfx#post production#read the whole thing pls!
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So all the shorts I ordered fit me well, but I assumed they wouldn’t so I have a train ticket booked to go into town tomorrow to buy shorts that I now don’t need. What do
#the thing about the town i’m going to is like. it kinda sucks#it was very much a casualty of the pandemic; like there’s a rumour that they’re closing the mall and turning it into a multiplex cinema#which honestly would probably be a better use of the space considering most of the shops there have closed and it’s pitiful#i think they’ve literally got like 3 clothes shops left; a couple of phone shops; one of those random kiosks selling scarves and bags#a paper shop and a bodycare. oh and the photo shop where i got my passport photos taken#like the bookstore closed; the big department store closed; the toy shop closed; hmv obviously closed; the outdoor shop closed……#i don’t even know if holland and barrett is still there. it looks like the end times#m&s is still going strong some-fucking-how but i still feel like i’m going to just end up in whsmith buying stationery i don’t need#i remember when the highlight of my year was getting to hit up whsmith for a new pencil case; writing utensils and a new journal#it was a simpler time :(#you know what i actually do miss? gamestation. i miss when you’d be able to buy used gba and ds games for literally like £2-5#i think i bought every single one of my sims 2 expansion packs from there. good times#the nerd employees definitely thought i was stupid but i fully didn’t notice or care#i honestly feel like i’m just going to walk around marvelling at how everything is closed or deserted now; balking at prices#then have a depressing solo lunch in mcdonald’s and catch the train home asap. and tbh? i feel happy to have the option to do that#personal
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