#because i don’t wanna ruin the whole trip by being moody so i just kept to myself

[diabolicjoy]

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[andorerso]

For the prompt list, either 62 (you’re not as quiet as you think you are), or 142 (hold my hand so he gets jealous) please lol I couldn’t pick one

Thanks for the prompts! I chose 62 but I’m considering doing the other one as well. This is a tad bit longer than I planned and it’s a modern friends with benefits AU. Hope you enjoy :)

Jyn is never going to listen toLeia ever again. As far as she’s concerned, her advice is what got her in this awkwardsituation in the first place, noodle soup dripping from her shirt.

Really, Jyn doesn’t know whatshe was thinking.

“You followed me here,” Cassianaccuses her, arms crossed in a way that lets her know he means business. Worseyet, he’s glaring, and not in the playful “Jyn-what-have-you-done-this-time”way. This is a glare she’s not used to receiving from him.

“That’s not true. Why would I dothat when I know you have a date?” She wipes away noodle from her chest, puttingon a show of ignorance. It’s a waste – Cassian sees right through her bullshit.

He usually does but he alsousually finds it amusing. Definitely not this time.

“I’d like to know that too. Jyn.Are you spying on me?”

“No,” she says without pause, pretendingto be offended. It feels a little too fake and when Cassian remains staring ather with eyebrows raised, she concedes. “Maybe. But I swear I tripped on accident.I can explain.”

His sigh is so disappointed,she wishes for the ground to swallow her whole. Yeah, she’s definitely nottaking Leia’s advice again.

Cassian gestures for her tocontinue. “Start talking.”

Jyn swallows.

It all began when they ran intoBodhi’s old friend from college, a tall and witty and gorgeous brunette by thename of Marissa. It was hard to miss the way she flirted with Cassian from the secondthey met and Bodhi decided to play matchmaker. Jyn tried to act like she wasbusy typing on her phone, but well, they were all sitting in a coffee shop and shecouldn’t ignore the conversation around her.

Cassian tried to resist atfirst.

“I’m not sure about this, Bodhi.”

“Why not? She’s pretty, smart, andclearly into you. Also, she’s the only one who was willing to stay up until threea.m. to help me with my thesis. I swear she’s a saint. Just grab a coffee.”

“I don’t know…”

“Cassian, I say this as yourfriend, but you have been moping lately.”

“Moping?”

“Yeah, moping. I didn’t pushbecause you clearly don’t want to talk about it, but I think this would be goodfor you. What do you have to lose?”

Jyn felt Cassian’s eyes on her,a challenge, and she looked up, meeting his gaze without flinching. Bodhi wasstill looking at Cassian, so she gave a tiny shrug of her shoulders, pretendingto be uninterested. Date whoever youwant, she was saying. I don’t care.

That was a lie, of course, butCassian bought it.

He looked away, but not beforeshe caught the bitter look crossing his face in the flash of a second.

“Alright,” he said to Bodhi. “Whynot?”

That was the beginning.

Or maybe it was before that,when she got spooked and ended the secret relationship thing they had going on.

(“We always knew this had anexpiration date. I think it’s time to move on.”)

Or before that, when theydecided to sleep together and ruin a perfectly good friendship. When sherealized she could have all the benefits of hot good sex without the nuisanceof feelings and keeping a relationship alive. No strings attached, that was thedeal.

Only that didn’t turn out sowell. So that was what he was doing now: moving on. She supposed she couldn’t blamehim for that.

But it did bother her. Atfirst, she tried to play it off. It was not a big deal, it wouldn’t last. Noneof Cassian’s relationships did (theirs included) – he just didn’t have thetime. And maybe if she let it run its course, it wouldn’t have lasted. But shedidn’t expect it to get to a sixth date either, and when she heard they weregoing out again on Thursday, she might have lost it a little.

A little as in storming home tothe apartment she shared with Leia and announcing loudly, “I’m in love withCassian.”

Leia paused mid-sentence, phoneagainst her ear, then told the person on the other end, “Dad, I’ll call youback.”

Jyn waited as she hung up,heart pounding in her chest for actually having said it aloud. It felt good.Mostly.

It also felt terrifying and alittle painful. Admitting it meant admitting she might get hurt from this andthere would be no one to blame but herself.

Leia sighed as she put herphone down, giving Jyn an almost pitying look.

“I know.”

Jyn blinked in surprise. “What?”

“Well. I knew you weretogether. Or having sex at least. And once you pay attention to the little detailsand the way you two act around each other, it’s not hard to see that somewherealong the way you fell in love.” Leia shook her head, definitely pitying now. “Really,Jyn, don’t you know that friends with benefits relationships never work?”

Jyn stared in disbelief for asecond. “I – how do you even know?

Leia gave her a meaningful look.“You’re not as quiet as you think you are.”

“Oh. Oh,” Jyn said as the meaningdawned on her. She winced, and Leia nodded with a painful grimace. “I’mimpressed you kept it all to yourself.”

“Well” Leia began. “You thoughtyou were being so sneaky – I kind of enjoyed the power of knowing I outsmarted you.”

“Is that all?”

Leia shrugged. “I suppose youalso seemed happy.”

Jyn closed her eyes. Yeah, in hindsight,she really had been.

“So… why are you telling me thisnow?”

She took a deep breath, unsurewhere to begin. “We ended it a couple of weeks ago.”

“We?”

Dammit, Leia knew her too well.

“Alright, so I did.”

“Yeah, I figured.”

Jyn stared at her silently andshe shrugged.

“What? There’s clearly tensionbetween the two of you, everyone can see that. Plus, you’re moody and irritableand Cassian is moody and withdrawn. I also haven’t heard you moaning lately. Anice change, by the way. I do want you to be happy but maybe be happy quietly?”

Jyn shook her head, ignoringall that. She didn’t have time to discuss this.

“He’s going on a date withMarissa.”

“And?

“And it’s their sixth date thismonth alone! Sixth. I’m no datingexpert but that isn’t good for me, is it? They seem to be getting serious.”

“First of all, I doubt it couldpossibly be that serious. Maybe they just have a lot of free time on theirhands. Second, that depends on what you consider to be good for you. You didbreak up with him.”

“But I didn’t want to!” Jyncried out.

Leia raised her eyebrows,expectant, and Jyn let out a defeated sigh. She slumped into a chair, desolatelystaring ahead.

“It’s just… I got scared.”

Leia took a seat in front ofher, hands clasped on the table. Her tone was gentler when she spoke.

“Why don’t you tell him that?”

“Because I can’t!” Jyn exclaimed,gesturing wildly with her hands. “Because he’s dating Marissa,” she paused, gettingquieter, “and because I told him he never meant anything to me.”

She wasn’t proud of that,didn’t enjoy twisting the knife in the wound. At the time, she just panicked.

(“So you’re really just goingto pretend there’s nothing between us?”

“There is nothing between us, Cassian! It never meant anything to me, itwas just sex.”)

“Oh, Jyn,” Leia said, and it was amazing how much disapproval could fitinto two small words.

“I know,” she groaned, buryingher face in her hands. “I don’t need your judgement, I need advice.” She lookedat Leia, desperately trying to find answers in her friend’s eyes. “Should Itell him how I feel, or should I just let him go?”

Leia contemplated that for asecond. She leaned back, crossing her arms across her chest in a veryprofessional manner.

“Do you want to be with him?”

“Well, yes but… For all I know,Marissa could be the love of his life. Do I really begrudge him that? Especiallysince, let’s face it, I’m not exactly wife or girlfriend material. Maybe he’sbetter off. Ow! Leia, what the hell?”

Leia held up a finger as Jynrubbed the spot where she had punched her. “That’s the dumbest thing I’ve everheard. You wanna know what you’re going to do? You’re going to go over thereand you’re going to ruin his date.”

Jyn didn’t like where this wasgoing at all.

“What? Leia.”

“Well, I would tell you to waitbut like you said, it’s their sixth date and I honestly think you’ll chickenout if you wait. You have to act now. You really should have talked to me aboutthis sooner,” she added with a chastising look.

Jyn shook her head.

“I can’t just – I don’t thinkCassian would appreciate that. He’s not Han. He won’t get turned on by meacting like a psycho ex-girlfriend.”

“I resent that. He’llappreciate it when you make it up to him with make-up sex. That thing you dowith your tongue? He’s not quiet either.”

Jyn cringed, briefly screwingher eyes shut.

“For the sake of ourfriendship, I’m going to ignore that. You really think I should hijack hisdate?”

“That’s what I would do.” Leia nodded.“Lay it all on the table.”

Jyn mulled it over. It didn’t reallysound like something she would ever do – but neither did being in a committedrelationship with someone and she was seriously considering that too. Maybe Leiawas right. She did know more about romance than Jyn did.

“Okay,” she began slowly,watching a smile spread across Leia’s face. “Let’s say I agree. How would I doit?”

And that’s how she got here. Inthis restaurant, with food on her shirt, and Cassian staring at her like shegrew two heads.

She came with the intention tofollow through on their plan, Leia’s advice ringing in her head, but when she sawCassian laughing with Marissa, she realized she wasn’t this person. She was notLeia; she didn’t make unnecessary scenes or manipulate things to get her way. Shedidn’t know how to approach their table with a straight face and pretend shewas here just by accident. She didn’t know how to fake nonchalance she didn’tfeel.

She’d wait until he got home –or maybe Leia was right, and she’d use this as an excuse to chicken out.

Either way, when she turnedaround to leave before they spotted her, she crashed into a waiter bringing atray of food, and that was it. There was no hiding after that, and Cassian wasless than impressed with her. She really should have listened to her firstinstinct telling her that Cassian was not Han – of course he wouldn’tappreciate stunts like this.

“I’m sorry.” Jyn bites her lip,resisting the urge to fidget. “I was just leaving, I swear.”

“I can’t believe it.” Cassianshakes his head. “This isn’t like you.”

“I know. It isn’t, that’s why Iwas leaving. It was Leia’s idea. She told me I should ruin your date.”

Cassian furrows his eyebrows ather. “Why?”

“Because she’s dramatic?”

He stares at her, unimpressed, andJyn lets out a sigh, sensing that she’s been beaten.

“Because I think I love you,”she mumbles under her breath, squeezing her eyes shut. From the way Cassian’sbreath catches, he heard.

She doesn’t dare look at him untilhe speaks, too afraid to find out what she’d see. There’s a few moments ofsilence, both of them holding their breath – then he says, voice careful, “Ifthis is just the jealousy talking –”

“It’s not.” She shakes herhead, opening her eyes. Cassian is holding himself still, face unreadable. There’sno turning back now so she might as well take the plunge. “I mean it, I want tobe with you. For real. We can… go on cheesy dates like this and hold hands andtell all our friends and gross them out by being adorable in front of them. Allof that. No more sneaking around, no more sex only.”

She pauses and her eyes drifttowards Marissa still sitting at their table. Jyn swallows.

“If you want to,” she adds,quieter.

Cassian looks at her for a longmoment. The seconds seem to stretch on as she waits for him to say something,send her away or take her into his arms. Anything other than this stoicsilence.

When he finally sighs, hisposture softens. The shake of his head is grudgingly fond.

“You’re so complicated.”

“Yeah,” Jyn laughs, covering upthe insecurity with a shrug of her shoulder. “You should probably keep that inmind before agreeing to any of this.”

He lets out a huff of laughter.“Well, you should keep in mind that I don’t come without baggage either.”

“I don’t mind,” Jyn saysimmediately. She takes a deep breath, steeling herself before she dares to askthe question. “Is that a yes?”

He only gives her a smile, but theanswer is written in his eyes. She beams back at him, her heart beating twiceas fast with the force of her happiness.

“I have to go back and tellMarissa,” he says, turning to glance back at the woman in question.

Jyn winces. Yeah, stealing awayCassian while he’s in the middle of a date with another woman isn’t theclassiest thing she’s ever done.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” He shrugs but shecan tell he feels bad for what he’s about to do. “We weren’t officiallytogether or anything. Truth is, I think she knew my heart wasn’t in it.”

Jyn looks down, trying not to looktoo pleased at that. Some possessive part of her is perversely glad that hewanted her even when he was with someone else.

“See you at home?” Cassianasks, taking a step backwards.

Jyn glances at her chest,realizing that she’s still wearing someone’s dinner. Home and a hot showersound amazing. Seeing Cassian after that sounds even better.

“Yeah. I’ll be waiting.”

“Good. I’m still mad at you, bythe way,” he calls behind his back as he turns away.

Jyn grins.

“That’s okay. I’ll make it upto you later.”