#but i still want to eventually upload most of my stuff even if i hate most of it… but first i have to work up the nerves to do that

[skid-the-mighty-poet]

[venusmage]

FAQ Post!

I've gotten a good amount of repeat questions the past few years and thought I'd make an FAQ. No need to RB or anything, this is going to go in my pinned post!

I still always happily will take questions, this is just for folks who might want to just find the answer without going through the extra effort. These are mostly about art and TTRPGs :)

ART STUFF

What brushes/programs/hardware do you use?

Almost all of my regularly used brushes come from either Retro Supply or True Grit Texture Supply! I'm not sponsored or affiliated, just really like the quality of their products. They have sales fairly frequently and I've never had any complaints. I also use quite a few products by Ittai Manero.

Right now I primarily work in Procreate on an iPad Pro. Procreate is my favorite art program and I'm quietly hoping they eventually make a desktop version.

I very recently also got an XPPen Deco 01 V2. Partially because there's some art programs on desktop I want to learn (Aseprite, Blender) or programs that have superior desktop versions as compared to mobile (ClipStudio). I'm also teaching some grade-schoolers digital art and wanted to have the same kind of tablet as them (I haven't used a screenless tablet for over half a decade). As of right now I'm very happy with it! For the price it's an easy recommendation.

I mainly use ClipStudio in this instance, and the brushes linked above both also support the program (aside from Manero). However there's a huge user-base that upload free assets constantly that makes ClipStudio so great. I especially like painting in it for some reason!

What's your opinion on AI art?

I don't like it, obviously, but I get how people who lack the context and education on why it's bad wouldn't get it. I also think that some other artists fearmonger a little too hard regarding it and it has the unintended effect of making the situation and it's nuances even harder to understand. I talked about it here.

Did you go to art school? Would you recommend it?

I did, I have a BFA in illustration and graduated from CCAD in 2018. Every art school is unique and my experience with art school and the benefit it gave me is VERY different from how I believe it may be for others. As of right now I think there's a lot of good cheaper online resources than private art education in general. I did have a wonderful time there though, and it's availability helped me eventually escape a domestic abuse situation - so my feelings are a bit complicated.

Do you have a dream art job?

I'd love to be a college-level art teacher. Funny I know, considering I just said art school isn't always worth it. I just deeply enjoy the craft and discussion surrounding art in general. I'm tempted to make art videos one day to scratch that itch.

What's your favorite/least favorite part of the drawing process?

I hate sitting down and getting the sketch started (hello ADHD...) And flatting. Linework/sketch cleanup and finishing details for color are where it's at for me.

What made you interested in art?

My grandfather was a painter, sculptor, and stained glass maker. He will always be one of my biggest inspirations. In terms of media, there's a ton - but I started internalizing art as a skill after seeing the Shivering Isles DLC concept art by Adam Adamowicz. I started appreciating how art can be weird and beautiful and whatever you want after reading Evan Dahm's Rice Boy (and the rest of his work). I also had a particularly beautiful book cover for A Wrinkle in Time by Leo and Diane Dillon when I was little and their art rewired my brain chemistry. At the time I said Adamowicz was my most impactful inspiration but on reflection I really do think it's the Dillons. I talked a little about it here.

(2023-24) Commissions haven't been updated in a while. Can I get some more information as to why?

I have a post here about it! If you're one of my clients, please feel free to reach out to me if you have any further issues. I apologize for the delay and am more than happy to work out something with you if you're unhappy with the wait. I'd advise messaging me here or on discord - the latter of which is linked in the post.

TTRPG/DND STUFF

What system is your DnD game running?

I'm running my game using a modified 5e ruleset. 5e happened to just be the first TTRPG system I learned and I also really enjoy Forgotten Realms as a setting - though I take extensive liberties with both. I'll probably be moving away from WoTC's products and the system after this campaign, though. I already change lore so much the setting has a lot of differences.

What materials do you use in your DnD game? Do you play online or in person?

As much as I'd adore to get to play IRL with my friends at some point, our game is currently online. For our current campaign I recently made the switch from Roll20 to Foundry VTT. If you're an online exclusive DM and have the money to buy the one time license, I would recommend it!

A list of what I use to run my current game:

Foundry VTT

Discord (A custom server for Voice Chatting/Private DMs/Memes and art sharing/Scheduling)

Epic Isometric (On Patreon. Digital isometric maps and tokens. Have been using them since at least 2020 if not earlier. Will be making tutorial videos soon!)

The Dungeon Sketcher (Also on Patreon. Also isometric maps and tokens. The artist frequents Epic Isometric's discord server where we all share custom assets we've made, too. His stuff blends in pretty seamlessly with EpicIso)

Vile Tiles by Gabriel Pickard (Found on the Roll20 marketplace, but you can use the assets in any VTT. For theater of the mind and RP backgrounds)

Artstation (Our game is not streamed, so I tend to use backgrounds I source from concept artists for RP backgrounds. If you stream a game, obviously always ask the creators of your assets if you can use them.)

Procreate/An art program (I draw the PC/NPC portraits for our game myself)

Milanote/Any note-taking method (Milanote is just what I use to plan the game, since I already use it for other hobbies and commissions as well.)

Do you stream your game? Is there someplace I can find out more about it? Are you looking for players?

I am not looking for players! Our game is also not recorded or streamed - mostly because I'd get some serious DM stage-fright. I also like it being a relaxing experience for myself and my friends where we're performing for ourselves, instead of with the pressure of a potential audience.

However, I do have a toyhou.se world where information on the game is available - including session recaps! If I ever get the time I also want to draw fun comics and little animations of what happens because my friends are very inspiring to me and DMing has quickly become a favorite hobby.

You can also search the words "Seven Asunder" on this blog and you'll find relevant posts here.

Can I use your art/assets/ideas in my own game?

I can't really stop you. If it's not recorded, streamed or monetized and you're not saying you created anything I made yourself, I legitimately don't care! This even includes using character art I've made. I just would like to politely request you don't post any of it publicly to avoid confusion and to respect my players - many of the NPCs in my games are also characters they create and I cannot give permission for them (obviously). It also would kind of suck to see one of my own beloved characters supposedly "belonging" to someone else.

Essentially, I understand taking inspiration and having "placeholder" images/artwork for characters in a game. Not all of us have time or resources to have custom art! Just don't take one of my or my players' OC's designs and start saying they're yours publicly , pretty please :)

Once commissions are over and I find the spare time, I intend to release free-to-use (personally and for streaming) art packs for folks' games. I also highly recommend the patreons I linked above.

[fanfic-inator795]

WoY: A Decade Later (A personal retrospection)

Wander Over Yonder… for a time, it was - in my opinion - the best cartoon ever. It was my number one, and I wasn't sure that anything else could top it. While I don't necessarily feel the same way these days, it's still a cartoon that very much lives in my heart and I don't think I'll ever truly leave it behind.

From a personal perspective, it was probably the biggest and most active Fandom I had been in at that time. It wasn't my first fandom/hyperfixation - prior to WoY, there had been Cartoon Network's Chowder and Regular Show, as well as Disney's Phineas and Ferb. But Chowder was short-lived and RS and PnF were both shows I had lost interest in due to them beginning to dip in quality.

WoY, however, was new, fresh, exciting and growing rapidly. It inspired me to write probably at least a hundred fanfics. It was a blast live-reacting to new episodes with everyone and seeing all the art that would come afterwards. It brought me into the RP scene and, if not for that, I might have never met my best friend of 10 years (and counting! Love you, Tessa).

Looking back on it 10 years after the fact, I can't fully say that WoY is still my favorite cartoon (shows like Kid Cosmic, The Ghost and Molly McGee, Big City Greens and Craig of the Creek have all outshined it in one way or another), nor can I claim that it is/was a perfect show. But man… It sure was a hell of a ride.

(Keep reading for all my admittedly VERY LONG personal thoughts or opinions regarding this one of a kind show)

Humble Beginnings

Pretty sure I've mentioned this before, but I actually didn't care for WoY at first. It was the summer right before college, and I remember watching the sneak peek - The Picnic - early one morning after not being able to go back to sleep. I remember not really laughing much or even seeing the appeal… and yet the episode stuck in my mind, to the point that I ended up watching it again during a free moment I had from Freshman Orientation Week. I had a similar reaction to the show's proper pilot, The Greatest - not loving it, but not hating it either.

The fact that people/friends from my RS and PnF days were also posting about it helped keep the show in my mind (shoutout to Taylor, Erin and Darkwing). But it wasn't until two specific episodes - The Fugitives and The Good Deed - that I managed to finally start to connect with the characters myself. 

I started to see the appeal in this little furry orange spoon who just wanted to do good and make others happy, even when it was a struggle. I really liked the show's core theme of not just optimism and positivity, but also just being kind. I also started to really enjoy the show's sci-fi and space aesthetic and grew to adore its animation and gorgeous backgrounds, as well as laugh at its wacky sense of humor (I still laugh at The Fugitives/Good Deed quite a bit, even though I probably have their entire scripts memorized at this point).

So, it was official. I was hooked. Whenever there were new eps, I'd either try to watch them on the basement TV in my college dorm or wait for a livestream or FreeCartoonsOnline upload. If we're being honest, the first half of season 1, while being much more low-key than the wackiness that the show would end up eventually shifting to, was probably when it was at its most consistent. Other eps later on would reach higher highs, but getting stuff like The Bad Guy, the Prisoner, the Troll, the Pet, the Box and The Little Guy back-to-back just made my love for the show grow more and more.

The Little Guy specifically is one that is just incredibly well-crafted in its dialogue, story-telling and pacing, being both enjoyable and heartfelt. (Also the last time I watched it the ending made me bawl so, there's that, lol). Shortly afterwards, The Hero was another ep that I distinctly remember sticking in my head for whatever reason (Dracor and Demurra are still adorable, ngl). Then we had another favorite of mine, The Nice Guy.

I know I may be in the minority on this one - I remember my parents being annoyed and frustrated when they watched it with me, haha - but I absolutely love this episode. I find the jokes funny enough - the cashier is one of my favorite minor characters tbh - and the space gas station appeals to my aesthetic. But what really sells this episode for me is how it handles and portrays its moral of "being nice isn't always easy, but it's still right and still worth doing". Its ending never fails to get an "awwww" out of me, and honestly I could probably go on for an hour about all the little details and things I like/appreciate. I've also grown to really like its sister episode, the Time Bomb.

But no show is perfect, and right around here is where the show, in my opinion, started having some misses. It was mostly just "meh" affairs like The Night, The Toddler and The Big Job (weird, since I usually like heist eps… though I haven't rewatched this one in a while so *shrugs*). Other eps like The Tourist and ESPECIALLY The Helper (which I consider to be the show's worst outing, the vibes are just SO WEIRD on this one) I just didn't care for at all. 

Nothing terrible (save for the Helper), just cases of the jokes not landing or the stories being boring. This was also when the show really started leaning into the wackiness - which wasn't BAD persay, since it led to some really funny jokes and memorable moments when it was used well - it's just that looking back, I sorta miss the simplicity of early s1.

Thankfully, the season put out some real bangers by its end, with my personal faves being The Epic Quest (that ending will never not make me cackle. Again, it's a case of the wackiness actually working incredibly well), the Halloween/Christmas special, and the Rider, which is a great adventure to cap off the season and also the Horse from Horsin’ Around guest stars in it! (and does a pretty good job too. Will Arnett is def one of my favorite celeb VAs at this point, ngl)

So yeah, between the two seasons, s1 is easily my favorite. Call it nostalgia or personal taste, but for me it's all about that consistency. Adding in the fact that s2 has some pretty notable flaws and is thus a lot harder to look back on without noticing those flaws, and it's really no contest for me. 

New season, New problems

I certainly remember the excitement - as well as the fandom's stir craziness - in the lead-up to s2. There were crackships that were invented, silly RP blogs were rampant, Craig McCracken and crew (back when they were still on Tumblr) kept us fed with cool behind the scenes info as well as sneak peeks of the new season, and while I can't recall when it specifically happened, I also vividly remember the 'Bad End to Episodes' phase that the fandom was in at one point. Ah, the joys of still being in your angst phase.

Come that year's Comic Con, and a new round of hype came from the reveal that our new villain of the season was going to be a girl! …yeahhh, it sorta sucks recalling how hyped we all were about Dominator now that we know that she didn't quite work out the way we were all hoping for…

But regardless, s2 had a very strong start. Outside of the premiere, my favorites of this first batch would easily be The Boy Wander and The It for both just being incredibly funny. Although, if you had asked me at the time though, I probably would have said the Skeleton Dance fueled eps that were The Big Day and the Fremergency Fronfract - and like, yeah those eps can still be funny and enjoyable, but I've definitely cooled on the Skeleton Dance ship since these eps first premiered. (Still love a lot of the cute fanon stuff though)

Skipping past the next tent-pole episode for right now, this season had two of my favorite episodes of the ENTIRE SERIES - these being The Cartoon and The Black Cube. The former is just hilarious while the latter has a unique visual presentation and feels like an early s1 ep, and I mean that in the best possible way. I also really enjoy the Eye on the Skullship as well as the Hole… 'Lotta Nuthin' (this one especially, as it's another instance where, for as good as the ep is as a whole, it's the heartwarming lesson and hilarious ending that makes it such a winner in my book).

But for as much as the show was still putting out hits, I'll admit that there were also quite a few meh or just okay eps, especially as the season goes on. Some eps I found funny when I first watched them, but that humor doesn't hit as well when I watch them now. I also feel like there were points where it tried to be TOO silly to the point where it inhibited the actual humor and made the characters flatter and a bit flanderized compared to how they were in s1 (Hater especially got hit bad with this, where it’s less about him ‘softening up’ to show that he has the potential to be a good guy, and more just him constantly leaning into him being a bratty teenager instead of having that mix of dumb/bratty teen boy and legit evil conqueror).

Other times, it was just another case of a story not being as good as it could have been - and by this point in the season, while there are still enjoyable eps with fun concepts/jokes in the latter half of the series, the only one to get near the peak of the show's typical high quality is the musical ep, and if we're being real, it's Andy Bean's impeccable songwriting that saves this ep and makes it so good to rewatch despite its connection to the season's flawed overall story.

And I think it's about time we talk about that…

Not Quite Ready for Serialization

Being a show that was made right after Gravity Falls but before stuff like Star VS, Amphibia, and Owl House, s2 of WoY felt like a show with one foot stuck in episodic stuff and one foot trying to step into serialization. Because of this, the season’s overarching plot feels incredibly underbaked.

Now… Am I saying that I’d want the show to be like ATLA where every episode had to relate back to either the overarching story or one of the side-arcs? No, absolutely not. We’d be missing out on some of my favorite one-shot episodes if they did that, and if I had to choose between the season we have now and the season we could have gotten had the WoY crew gotten more freedom and were allowed more serialization, I’m going with the former each and every time.

HOWEVER, I still have to acknowledge just how poorly done the structure of this season was when it came to the overarching story. Basically we got four tentpole episodes acting as the season’s beginning, arc shifts and ending. During the season’s second and third arcs, there would be certain episodes afterwards reacting to the change in the show’s status quo.

Now, I get what they were TRYING to do but in my opinion it just really didn’t work as well as it could have. I’ll talk more about this in a bit but the season’s second arc (the “romance” arc) definitely got tiring after a while, meanwhile the third “Stop Dominator” arc felt like it was sort of killing time given that it was mostly just the main 4 trying to find some sort of weapon/figure out some sort of plan that ultimately resulted in some ‘funny’ failures and some quick lessons, with the occasional character piece thrown in here or there.

Now, I didn’t hate these episodes. By this point, it should be evident that one of my favorite elements of WoY are its morals and lessons, so even if the episodes themselves didn’t amount to much in the grand scheme of things and were essentially filler, I can at least appreciate a message like “being sad doesn’t mean you’ve given up hope” or “allowing yourself to laugh even in the dark times can help a ton”. So yeah, not completely pointless.

Unfortunately, even with a few bright spots here and there, the overarching plot of s2 still feels underbaked somewhat - and that’s ultimately because of the new character its focused around.

Dominator’s Dilemma

Okay, fess up. Whose idea was it to completely exclude Dominator from the first six episodes of the season (after the s2 premiere)? Because WOW does this decision backfire a lot. I don’t even like Dom that much and I can still acknowledge that she needed much more screen time and focus than she got.

I don’t know if this was to build up the ‘mystery’ surrounding her or because they wanted to get back in the groove of writing the main 4, but this was the crew’s first crucial mistake. Hell, in the first two episodes she plays an active role in, she’s nearly silent in both of them, only having her little fangirl rant in The Greater Hater and a small handful of lines in The Battle Royals. (Which, if I’m being honest, is still a really fun episode for 90% of it, having both great action and absolutely hilarious jokes that still make me laugh, but I get the ending of it making people sour on the episode as a whole.)

Again, it felt like trying to build up this artificial mystery surrounding her when it really wasn’t necessary. Dominator was meant to be a MAIN MEMBER of the cast! Yet I’m pretty sure Emperor Awesome got more significant screen time than her in the end!

Things got a teeny bit better as the show went on, with Dom at the very least getting more lines and more moments to be both badass and totally villainous, but she still felt more like a goal/obstacle than an actual character. I’m not sure if the writers MEANT to do this persay, or if it was just an accident.

Ultimately, it wasn’t until The Night Out when Dom finally got a spotlight episode… which was a little over 3/4ths of the way through the season. You could argue that she also got a bit of characterization in the musical episode, but it was really more emphasizing what we already knew or could infer about her. 

The Night Out, meanwhile, gives us something new - that she’s lonely - and we get a teeny hint of this again in The Robomechabotatron before being told outright in the series finale. Ultimately, it truly does feel like too little too late - especially when her secretly desiring friends just sorta feels like it’s aping off Hater’s secret motivations of wanting to be liked/admired and to have friends/people who love him for who he is.

So yeah, the crew completely dropped the ball on Dom’s characterization, using her as just a goal/threat/obstacle/etc. for nearly all of her appearances. Not only does it make Dom feel like a shallow character, but it also just feels unfair in general. Practically everything we know about Dom is for the sake of other characters.

She’s a test for Wander, an enemy/temporary love interest for Hater, an obstacle for our main four to overcome, and a threat to the characters we already love. Again, there’s nothing wrong with having a character that’s only meant to serve a purpose in the narrative, nor is there anything wrong with a character being shallowly evil… it’s just that the WoY crew hyped her up so much and claimed that she was a fifth main character (implying that she would get about as much development as the main four), so it just felt all the more disappointing when we didn’t get that. Add in her character design - a mix of goth/punk girl energy with Hartman Hips - and it does feel just a tad misogynistic.

There were things I liked about Dom - her cool lava powers and gadgets, her excitable personality, her villain spotlight moments, and her fun vocal performance provided by Noel Wells were all excellent. But unfortunately, these were all surface-level elements, and the crew just didn’t put in enough time to give her much else, essentially saving all her deeper character stuff for the never-made season 3…

A love-hate relationship (leaning towards hate)

Of course you can’t talk about Dom without discussing the season’s second arc, which many see as both a tumor on the plot and the absolute low point of the season. Admittedly when I was watching the season for the first time, I didn’t mind the romance arc all that much. I didn’t care if Dom was getting short-changed, I was too busy laughing at Hater falling all over himself like a dork and thought all the ‘critics’ of the arc were just focusing on the wrong thing and didn’t know how to have fun with a silly cartoon.

Obviously, this was the wrong perspective to have about this sort of thing (I was in the mindset of “I don’t want to accidentally make myself hate this thing I love so I’m going to ignore all criticism of it”. Definitely not the right approach), one that I still apologize for because the critics were totally in the right. From both an objective and a storytelling standpoint, this arc was just the worst - and for several reasons.

Leaning into the overall problem with Dom herself as mentioned previously, this arc was focused solely on Hater and Wander (and to an extent Syl and Peeps as they tried to talk some sense into their respective friends). Whenever Dom was brought in, she either used Hater’s crush to mess with him or just ignored it entirely, being obviously annoyed - and that was the extent of focus that her feelings got.

Outside of those moments, however, Dom’s feelings are relegated to the background, deemed as ‘unimportant’. Sure, in the climax of the arc, she gets this big whole musical number about how she’s “not the damsel” and isn’t interested in Hater’s affections - but again, it’s at the VERY END of the arc and the moment is less about Dom standing up for herself and more about emphasizing just how cruel she can be, as instead of simply rejecting Hater’s advances, she laughs in his face, continuing to mess with him to try and make the rejection as painful as possible before ultimately trying to kill Hater.

But while the arc ends in a showy (and admittedly still kinda fun, thank you Andy Bean and your musical talents) way, the way it starts sorta proves why this idea was so rotten to the core. The ONLY reason why Wander tries to get Hater and Dom together is ONLY because he knows Hater wants a GF and believes that a ‘positive’ thing like love could only ever result in the two villains finding happiness and no longer being evil. Nevermind the fact that Wander is shown only really caring about Hater’s perspective, not once considering Dom’s feelings or even asking if she wants a BF or romantic partner in general.

We get Syl calling him out on this a couple of times, but it’s in that ‘oh that Wander, always with the crazy ideas’ way. You’d think Sylvia, the icon that she is, would be just a bit more blunt and maybe even a bit harsh about how Wander’s treating Dominator - it’s not just a matter of it being a dumb and dangerous plan, but it’s essentially objectifying Dom, treating her like Hater’s missing piece. But hey, it’s fiiiiine, because Wander learns his lesson in the end, right? Except, no not really.

Because even when Wander FINALLY realizes this and feels guilty about causing so much trouble, Syl is more concerned with comforting Wander about it, because he TRIED to do what he thought was right and that “acknowledging you messed up is the first step towards making things right”. Like… yeah I guess but you could have let Wander actually acknowledge what he did was wrong and super messed up, focusing more on the personal aspect of how his whole romance scheme affected Dom AS WELL AS Hater (not JUST Hater) instead of how his scheme broke Hater’s heart and inadvertently made Dom more powerful.

(Also we see Wander shipping and actively pairing up the little Pikmin things in “The Sky Guy” soooooo no I don’t think he fully learned his lesson)

I also have to bring up how there are fans who view Dominator and her whole anti-love thing as aphobic. As someone who only recently figured out she was almost definitely aromantic, I’m certainly not the authority on this, but I can certainly understand the critiques.

What I THINK the WoY Crew was trying to go for was a ‘strong female villain who don’t need no man’, but between Dom constantly being described as ‘heartless’ and Peeps saying that he “doesn’t think she likes anybody” and her cruelty being turned up to 11 whenever someone expressed romantic feelings towards her, it does sorta imply “She can’t love and THAT’S why she’s a villainous monster” rather than simply “she’s a villainous monster”. And because we don’t get any real development or strong characterization with Dom, it’s hard to say where exactly her cruelty comes from, so it’s hard to really argue against these implications without simply inserting headcanons like “Dom is a lesbian”.

Now to be fair, I have seen some aromantics see Dom as good representation - I recall a month or so back when I saw people praising her after she was included in one of those Tumblr polls, with this one being focused on aromantic characters, saying that they liked how she didn’t sugarcoat her rejections and seeing her as this strong, cool, badass villainous who didn’t need romance. So yeah, obviously not every person who shares an identity is going to agree on representation and whether or not it's good, but considering all of Dom’s baggage and the inability to determine whether or not her heartlessness is the cause of her evil or simply a by-product of it, I personally feel like she’s just too messy of an example of a potential aro character.

(Honestly, Syl feels like a better example of an aromantic character to me, given that she and Ryder seemed just as platonic as she and Wander are, as well as her multiple rejections of Awesome and general disinterest/discomfort with romance. Buuut given that those latter examples are specifically with villains and thus it makes sense why she’d reject them regardless of her orientation, it’s still just a vibe/headcanon).

Before I close off this section, I do wanna acknowledge that beyond the potentially aphobic nature of Dominator, WoY’s LGBTQ+ rep isn’t nearly as great as I thought it was once upon a time as a young shipper. Some parts are still pretty okay, like Wander being coded as genderfluid/agender, but overall it still feels more like an old Looney Tunes cartoon than an episode of “The Owl House”, if you get what I’m saying.

In Craig’s defense, the man has never been all too interested in romance in his shows nor has he claimed otherwise - he either uses it as a joke while portraying it as a negative (see Ms.KeenexProf.Utonium, BlooxBerry or, obviously, DomxHater) or it’s a wholesome relationship that ultimately still stays in the background because it’s not all that important (see DracorxDemurra or Ramona and Carlos Flores from “Kid Cosmic”). 

BUT given that there were LGBTQ+ crew members working on the show in s2, such as N.D. Stevenson, as well as LGBTQ+ allies, it is a shame that no proper representation came of that. We got a whole episode where the joke was “oh, Wander and Hater are planning Wander’s execution like it’s a wedding”, an episode where Peeps and Hater essentially break up when Hater fires him, and an “I just can’t quit you” sort of moment from Peeps in the s2 finale when he goes all heart-eyed over Hater deciding to continue being a villain. That’s it, all jokes but nothing substantial. Even the show’s number one lesbian/wlw pairing of SylxDom got a quick Girls Night montage and one sweet moment between them, nothing else.

Again, it’s fine if you’re just looking for jokes, and yeah the WoY Crew never outright promised any romances… buuuut given how much they chose to lean into the Skeleton Dance and DeathGlare stuff while at the same time never outright confirming any of these characters as LGBTQ+ (they didn’t even have to make any ships canon, they just had to say whether or not Wander/Hater/Peeps were gay/bi/pan/etc), I’m not gonna invalidate people who feel just a bit queerbaited about the whole thing.

Bittersweet Goodbyes

As I said before, I was starting college when WoY first premiered. It’s the show that led me to my best friend and it’s the show that helped me through those first two years of college (easily the roughest part of college). It was a show that made me laugh and got me excited, even during the times where I was stressed out or worried. For all its flaws, it was one of the brightest lights in my life at that time.

So, needless to say, when I heard the show was canceled, I was devastated. I remember crying about it that night and even the day after, and I remember joining in as many online strategies as possible to try and get the show back, from letter writing to petition signing. Of course none of that worked, but as a bright side, going through this helped emotionally prepare me for the next time one of my favorite shows was suddenly canceled (looking at you Nickelodeon. Though considering how the RotTMNT movie turned out maaaaybe it was for the best…)

Honestly, for as much as I can look at the show through a critical lens nowadays and point out all the ways it could have been better, I think there will always be a small part of me that wishes we could have gotten some sort of continuation, whether it be through a special, a TV movie or a comic - or hell, I’d even take the plans for s3 leaking at this point. Now, given that the end of WoY brought about the creation of “Kid Cosmic”, I feel like this part has faded a bit, but I’m always gonna want closure on things like Hater’s arc as well as his origins given how much they were teased.

But that in itself is another critique I could give the show. Whether it be Wander facing a different type of threat that wasn’t just another villain, Hater’s transition into becoming a good guy, Peepers getting fed up with his boss and striking out on his own, or Dom’s true characterization that the crew kept insisting was there - the show simply saved a lot of it’s most interesting ideas for a potential Season 3. It was a gamble, and it was one they ultimately lost. It sucks, but it is what it is.

There’s a few more things I could critique about the show, such as its take on the idea of character redemption and Wander becoming a bit of a karma houdini that the show pretty much stopped calling out, and while these critiques are valid I feel like there are other fans who could do a better job talking about those points. But in the end, while season 2 was both a let down in some parts and a bit of a mess in others, I still feel like there were ultimately more good things to be found within the show than bad things.

It’s not a perfect show, far from it. Frankly, I don’t look down on anyone who fell out of love with this show or enjoyed s1 but hated s2. But for what it’s worth, the memories I got from the show are still ones I treasure, and episodes like “The Good Deed”, “The Little Guy”, “The Nice Guy”, “The Epic Quest”, “The Rider”, “The Boy Wander”, “The Black Cube”, “The Hole… Lotta’ Nuthin’” and “The Cartoon” are ones I still love to bits and will probably always love as I watch them over and over.

Disney Channel itself may not care all that much about this show these days save for an occasional rerun or a quick cameo in their Chibi-Verse shorts, but I’m always gonna remember it - for better and for worse. So here’s to 10 years, WoY. I may not always like you, but I still love you.

[extralively]

Sooooo, I just caught up to your latest chapter upload 😭 And umm.... I think my heart just grew 10 sizes 🥹.

Dear heavens above, please keep the Gojo-Wakatsuki-Fushiguro family safe. 🙏 I mean, they've been giving family vibes since Book 1, but this latest chapter is a whole other level.

Yura being fiercely protective of Tsumiki (like a real mom), Megumi being supportive and watching over Tsumiki, Tsumiki being concerned for everybody in spite of her condition and her need for recovery, and Satoru being such a provider and an absolute pillar of resilience, doing his best to hold it all together and even bring the four of them back to his own apartment. Like, okay Dad.

And Tsumiki is a sorcerer now! UAHDKGHASDGK

How do I properly compute this information..? Canon-divergence go BRRRRR~ Let's gooooo 🔥🔥🔥.

Also Yura the Curse Breaker is one hell of a title. 🔥🔥🔥

(I am wondering if Tsumiki turning into a sorcerer is because of Yura, or if it's just an aftereffect of Yura dismantling Tsumiki's curse. 👀 Strongly speculating that Tsumiki has Yorozu's curse technique, but I'll be here waiting patiently for whatever you have planned for 'Miki as the story progresses.. I'm so happy she's alive and well istg 🥹😭)

Side note: There's the rare and occasional story where Tsumiki is present alongside Gojo's love interest and Megumi, and I feel so bad for Tsumiki most of the time, because imagine being a normal human in a "family" full of sorcerers. I don't care how loving that family is portrayed to be, it still has to be an isolating experience. Being the odd one out always sucks, but I guess that depends on the person anyways. Some actually revel in being the odd one out... (👀 looking at you, Suguru, and your biological family of non-sorcerers).

And and and... the way Satoru and Yura both notice that there's something different about the way they look at each other throughout this chapter and just can't find the name for it actually kills me (in the best way). 🥹😭

Also her stuff in his closet? HADJSGKG Might as well live together at this point. 😭

These two have been falling deeper and deeper in love as this story progresses and they're hopelessly oblivious, and I know they're getting it together (in baby steps). 💘 It sends an arrow straight through my heart every time. The payoff when they realize it and acknowledge it themselves is going to be sooooo....

...She’d missed this. She’d missed him. Yura didn’t think twice before turning around in his arms, her whole body then sagging into him as pure relief washed over her .....she did push herself closer... and finally, she actually felt at home.

Home is where they're all together as a family... 🏡

Also, home = Satoru... Yura, you're so in love with him, how can you willfully brush it under the rug every time?

he held her close—unwilling to let go. (He’d stayed up a while after she had gone to sleep, just enjoying the way she felt back in his arms, before his own exhaustion took over and he too passed out.) --- Satoru turned his head, his gaze meeting hers. He hated seeing her eyes filled with worry again, and this time it was worry over him. He wanted to make it go away, he wanted to see her eyes lighting up with joy instead of this; he wished one of his abilities were snapping his fingers and making everything right again, but there was only so much that even the strongest could accomplish. So he only turned his body to her, pressing his face against her shoulder. Yura seemed surprised for a moment, but one of her hands eventually slid up his neck, slipping into his hair. Don’t worry about me, he wanted to say. His hands came up to her waist, lightly gripping at her shirt. Don’t worry about me or I’ll worry about you. —he’d lost Suguru, but he hadn’t lost her

"I hope I never lose you, hope it never ends~" 🎶🎧

There's something so sweet and tender and wonderful about being emotionally vulnerable and intimate with someone on this level in spite of the shit storm surrounding you.

Someone play this song on repeat for them until they realize it all, please. I'm begging~ 😭🙏 YOU'RE IN LOVE... They're so in love. 😩😭

One night he wakes Strange look on his face Pauses, then says You're my best friend And you knew what it was He is in love

Satoruuuuu, the signs~ the signs, I'm telling youuuu~ 😭😩

Your fic's an emotional rollercoaster, and I don't ever want to leave. 😁 I can't thank you enough for writing it and sharing it... always~

This message was an emotional rollercoaster, and I appreciated every bit of it ༼ಢ_ಢ༽

Satoru and Yura are so in love that their subconscious have already 100% accepted it, even if they won't actually put it into words. Like they've already accepted that they're a little family, and Yura's brain has already cemented that THESE ARE MY KIDS ILL KILL WHOEVER TRIES TO HURT THEM

(that's also me looking @ canon)

And yes, Yura has a whole section of her stuff in Satoru's closet now, just like Satoru has a drawer full of his stuff at her place too ehehe. Actually, they've got a bunch of each other's stuff scattered around their apartments, they're like halfway living together now--clothes, shoes, toothbrushes, other bathroom products... I mean, if someone were to just walk into Yura's place it would be painfully obvious that she has a boyfriend lol (Satoru's place is big so you'd have to go to his bedroom, but then yep, there's a woman living there too)

Tsumiki is one of them now! I wasn't actually planning for it initially lol but then it just made sense. Now I'm having to plan for more of her presence in later events, but that should be fun hehe. I'll just say that I'm planning stuff, but anything else would spoilers (◡‿◡✿)

But yeah, she was the odd one out in their little family (and any fics that actually bother to include her lmao). I think she might not have felt it so strongly growing up since Megumi wasn't a full-blow sorcerer at that point, but I think she'd eventually feel a little left out whenever she couldn't be included in jujutsu business. But not anymore tho!! ಠ⌣ಠ

Anyway, things are going to get a little bit better for them now (before it gets worse oop), so get ready for some fluffy but emotional moments in the next couple of chapters or so! And as always, thank you so much for reading and commenting like this <333 It truly is what keeps me writing, being able to share it with you guys <333 Thank you so much!

(...also there's a new School Stories oneshot incoming, beware ಠ‿ಠ)

EDIT: also lemme jam to that song while writing the next fluffy moment between them ᕕ(⌐■_■)ᕗ ♪♬

[cerealmonster15]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

ty for the tag @unpredictable-probabilities! I don't usually do tag things but I'm feeling an exception today and I want to ramble lol let's GO!!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

Right now, 51! I think i started using ao3 back in college with rvb fic lol. I've since orphaned 2 fics so I guess there wouldve been 53.

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

86,956

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Right now, mostly just Twisted Wonderland (and the occasional dndads, I still have a fic in my brain I kinda wanna write for that). Twst was kinda my comeback to wanting to write fics and has been my main inspiration for a lot of things and it's been the most fun i've had writing fics I think, and it's eventually what's gotten me to try to write my first multi chapter fic.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1. Slip Ups and Lift Ups (Stardew Valley) 444 Kudos 2. A Fishy Intervention (TWST) 354 Kudos 3. Company (TWST) 249 Kudos 4. Security Cauldron (TWST) 248 Kudos [my first twst fic i think? also has some errors in it teehee oopsie] 5. Because I Care (TWST) 234 Kudos

5. Do you respond to comments?

Yes!!! I think I didn't used to? Maybe because I felt weird about my own comments changing the comment count and like it was somehow lying lol. but that's silly and i like talking to people and I Need people to Know that i Love Their Comments

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

hmmm I do not write much angst, and even when I do it's more hurt/comfort, bc permasads make ME permasad. I think it was my rvb fic "forgotten" - which i always forget was my first fic uploaded to ao3 LOL, back in 2015. ironic that my first wasnt reflective of the tone i usually write for. i don't wanna reread it to check [even tho my fics from back then are WAY shorter] bc im scared to face how i wrote when i was fresh outta hs lol BUT if i remember correctly/based on the summary, it was a doc/donut fic and I think it was about how after doc had disappeared from the future cube or whatever in canon and no one knew he was gone, i wrote a scene of doc getting upset with donut bc Of All People Why Didnt You Notice I Thought I Meant Something To You 😔 kdlsjfkdlsj i think it ended with doc walking off and donut being SAD and idk maybe they broke up, idr if they were 'officially dating' in the context of that fic. but um hashtag docnut for life.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

most all of my fics are happy endings with an exception of like one ^ or two lol. I don't know if i can quantify those!

8. Do you get hate on fics?

not to my face if I do lol. I don't think enough people know about me to give a shit if i do stuff they dont like

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

nope!!!! i dont really like smut personally and it's not the kind of genre i have story ideas for.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I don't think i've ever done that 🤔

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that I know of!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

not that I know of!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

nope!

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

girl help i cannot choose. um. well first shout out again to rvb's docnut bc u will always be strong and married in my heart. and in dndads im an oakworthy truther til i die BUT for twst. twst beloved twst i am in that pitfall of i like 50000 different ships. jamiazu is the one i write and draw the most LOL and theyre def a top fave HOWEVER. god. treycater alters my brain chemistry. rookvil marriage real. adeuce beloved fool duo for life. im physically restraining myself from mentioning more KLFJDSKLFJS especially when we get into the multiship/poly web bc god we will be here all day. i can and will be enabled but this post is already long enough GOODBYE!!!!

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

oooh ok well there was a dndads oakworthy thing I started like last year but pretty soon after I started it, we started seeing more of hermies forbidden other 'true' personality traits and i was like ruh roh this guy keeps pulling a fast one on me, i dont think the direction i had with this fic is fitting anymore. i had barely gotten anywhere with it and it wouldve been short anyway, but i think about what couldve been.... lololol and then for TWST umm. Hehe. Teehee even. Back during nanowrimo I used that as time to start 2 fics: kalim and the great relationship rescue, which is my current multichap fic about kalisil and jamiazu, it’s got about 3 chapters, and I’m still writing it. AND IM STILL GOING TO FINISH THAT ONE!!! but the OTHER one I started during that time and have NOT posted any of it yet was the stuff with my first twst oc, Char, and his place in my big caterella multiverse ideas lol. I’ve posted a bit about that story idea and done a lot of doodles and brianstorming for it, but I fear it would be too intimidatingly ambitious to stick to and I’m not sure writing one concrete fic is the right medium for it 🤔 plus I just don’t think many people would like it much LOL it would be very self indulgent and tapping into my soap opera brain. I feel nervous when I talk about it HAHDBFNTG so I’m not sure I could commit. But I still have what I wrote, and maybe I’ll figure out another way to go with it or maybe I’ll just wake up one day and say WHATEVER and write it anyway lol. I’ve gotten shyer again so we’ll see 🧍

16. What are your writing strengths?

umm. i do not know if it is a strength but i feel more light comedy and dialogue come more 'naturally' to me, but i do not know how well i actually can pull it off LOL also shorter, contained stories. Everything I write is a one shot, and I’m struggling on my recent attempt at a multiple chapter fic BDBFFBFNGD

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

hrhrnrngm more descriptive writing, i find im in the pitfalls of writing TOO MUCH dialogue. and i also feel like when i try to do more serious tone things it comes off as cringe or trying too hard kFDKLSHFLDSJ. no one's said that to me but yknow. fear and whatnot. also ending the story is. Hard. I feel like that’s always a weak part of my fics bc I sit there like WELL I WROTE ALL MY IDEAS HOW DO I WRAP THIS UP…. I worry my endings come off kind of half assed but I do my best lol 😔✌️

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

like are you asking if i would do it? or how i feel when it's done in fics i read? i dunno lol. i could maybe do spanish bc ive studied it a lot but i'd get nervous i think.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

on ao3 it was rvb bu teeeechnically back in my neoseeker forums days i was in there writing like, animal crossing or harvest moon or pokemon stuff. it was very bad bc i was like 10 years old LOL

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

ohoho ummmm. Well I always have fun writing jamiazu and I’ve written a LOT of those lol. I have a soft spot for The Comfort of Familiarity. That’s one of the ones hats taken me the longest to write because I was really trying hard to handle it with care, as it was a less light tone than I typically do and I was trying to explore the characters and their situation in a particular way that I really wanted to come across well with who reads it. It was hard, and I’m not sure I fully got there, but ultimately I did like it quite a a bit. on the flipside, one of my more recent fics and I think now my longest oneshot to date, Blue Raspberry Mango was VERY fun to write lol. That one’s a lot more like what I typically write, silly romcom style lmao. Cater and Idia goofing, characters bickering, friendship, me trying to sneak in as many side ships into the background for funsies, jamiazu is there, it was a good time. And that one started as a prompt suggestion which I feel like often times I end up struggling with and not delivering super well… but this one ran away from me and I had a blast lol. Idikei fixed me 😌✌️

Ty for tagging me! Umm. I am too scared to tag other people 🧍 goodbye jk @officialgleamstar 🫵 You Do It

[sorry if I missed any typos or autocorrect, part of this was on my phone and I always miss SOMETHING lol]

[demonkinguwu]

FANFICTION PROGRESS

This is an update since I'm back in a mental space where I can start writing again. [A bit of my personal thoughts at the end] I am continuing all of my current fics, none will be abandoned but some will be on a long hiatus before I get to them, so I'm sorry for the delay on those, but I'll most likely fix the aus they are based on. Now for the statuses of those:

The Witch Bride and The Groom Ghost: I will most definitely be finishing this one in the next coming year, I have been plotting it out and have all the chapter drafts finished. However, I will most likely be moving the chapter upload from once a week to once every two weeks due to the chapter length [boy they are long jdsknf] and my work schedule picking up. Art will added later on.

Subcon Waltz: This will most likely take a while for me to revisit, mostly because I am plotting out the chapters and reworking most of it, no drafts have been done as of yet but I have a pretty good idea of where the story is headed. Plus this has been a story I've been wanting to get back to since it's been in the works for so long, it's a nice mix of the fairytale tropes, horror, and that good old Subcon dark humor lol. I really come to love it :>

How To Be a Loving Family: This is definitely one that will take me the longest to get back to work with due to the amount of rework that I'll do with the AU. A lot of it going to change from what I had in mind but it's for the sake of feeling comfortable with it. That said, once again, the current chapters will be reworked a little at a later point once I have a clear idea of the reworked AU.

I'm also working on 2 new fics not yet to be announced but they're being worked on behind the scenes on occasion. Thank you so much for sticking with me on these, your kudos and comments are appreciated!

A bit of a personal journey with writing these fics

Last year hit me pretty hard, I experienced big-time burnout. I wasn't really capable of doing much that I felt I like doing artwise, especially with writing. I only did doodles on discord but aside from the occasional post, not much else.

Back then, rereading my old writing, my old rps from the old servers I was in, I just cringed at how bad I was. I don't consider myself a good writer, heck even now I'm so-so on my writing, but reading back on my old stuff, man I feel like I kissed a lemon dkjnfddf I was pretty bad and writing felt off to me since then. I did still do private oneshots but I couldn't get back to writing these series. The thing about the Hat Mom AU and the Subcon Waltz AU fics being felt in the dust was that I wasn't as invested in A hat in time much, it was just a mix of my hyperfixation on the series dying off, the fics not being ironed and plotted out properly [Literally didn't plan a thing on Subcon Waltz and just winged it out impluse] and the fandom drama had drained me [Yeah, remember the whole Vanessa hating asks I got? Yeah those certainly didn't help with my mood at the time]

The only reason I got back into writing at all was due to how invested I grew in TGOGM but it didn't have that many fics at the time so I decided to throw my hat into the ring with my own au. By then I learned how to properly plan out chapters and writing and remembered I was just doing this for fun, I wasn't being paid to do this so I could take my time with this.

Eventually, I applied this mindset to my other fics and aus once I got back into ahit, these are my aus/fics, I can rewrite them if I don't like them. So that's what I'm doing right now, just taking the hammer, smashing stuff and just fixing them into something I like. Because at the end of the day, I'm not really a popular artist nor have a grand story everyone is invested in, I'm just a silly little creator with my own silly ideas that I choose to share with the world. If they like it, then poggers!!! I will cry and sob for weeks over a nice comment dkjnfds If not, well, I like this, and maybe one day someone else will too :>

I know this is long but I just needed to share my thoughts out there alongside telling you guys they're not dead, they're just being fixed with the hammer lol :> If you read this far, thank you for reading this madness fdnjf I'll try to get these to a place a like while taking my time in doing so uwu

[tresenellaart]

The Big Life Update!

Um, hi everyone! Long time no see huh? In fact, it’s been a very, very long time. 5 years ago I nearly dropped off the face of the internet, and while some of you might have caught a glimpse of my work here and there, I've been almost completely offline and I've kept away from all social sites ever since.

Around 2017-2018, I found myself very lost artistically. I hit a hard wall where I wouldn’t know where to go next, what project to embark on. I had many ideas, but all of them seemed to evaporate into nothing the moment I sat down to flesh them out. I felt extremely apathetic creatively, eventually stopped uploading any art, and sank most of my time into gaming or mindlessly watching videos and streams. My partner at the time helped me gather the strength to look for a job, but without any formal education or previous jobs I could refer to, I tried my luck on Fiverr.

My experience on Fiverr was… mostly terrible. Being paid very little for a lot of hard work, and having to deal with some problematic clients and tight deadlines, really took a toll on me. My time there did send me on a path that I wouldn’t have expected though. I was contacted by a game dev to do a character design for a little wizard character. This person was quite pleased with my work, and continued to ask me for art for a second character, then some test animations… And soon I found myself handling all the art and music for the game, in what’s been my job for 5 years. The game is called Enchanted Portals, and it’ll be releasing later this year!

It’s been… a wild ride. The game’s very heavily inspired by Cuphead, with very similar art-style and gameplay. My boss, being an avid fan of the original, was very passionate about creating his own take on the genre, but maybe not surprisingly, the initial reaction to unveiling the first trailer was one of mass rejection and hate towards it. A useless ripoff! An inferior clone! I hope they get sued for this! Instead of the love letter from a fan that it actually is, it was mostly seen as a ploy from some greedy studio to make a quick buck. Didn’t help that the trailer reached a lot more people than we could’ve ever anticipated.

I can’t really call the game mine in any way, as I’ve mostly just been hired to make art and music assets for it, but the wave of hate was still quite overwhelming and soul-crushing for me. Is this all I’m gonna be known for now? Is this hate going to follow me forever? That creative black hole I had found myself in before, grew even bigger. I didn’t want to be public online again. I wanted to disappear. I couldn’t work on anything creative outside of my job anymore. I was burnt out, scared of the world, feeling completely defeated.

I was very fortunate to be contacted by a long time friend from my early DeviantArt days, someone that, despite my lengthy online disappearances, would make an effort to send me a message from time to time to catch up. We started talking very regularly, and she got me interested in a project she was part of, a fandub of the webcomic Rain by Jocelyn Samara D. (that I’m sure a lot of you know already). We toyed with the idea of upgrading the project into a full animated series, a pretty ambitious task since I’d be the only one animating, but my creative spark was immediately reignited. Working on Rain was such a joy, and a rekindling of everything I love about creating art. The project hit some serious bumps along the road, but it’s still going strong now, and while it’s been really slow working on it on top of my job, it’s been the best artistic experience I’ve had in a very long time. If you want to check it out, here’s the Rain: TAS Youtube channel! We just released a new short!

This long time friend has since become my girlfriend, and we’ve embarked on other wonderful projects together. If you want to check out some of our other stuff, we have a wonderful world of gay fae bugs in the making too!

Despite all of these exciting new personal projects I’ve embarked on recently, coming out of my bubble has still been a huge struggle. Posting on my own accounts, drawing new strips for my webcomic, uploading anything that's more personal, still fills me with fear and anxiety. I really want to get out of my comfort zone and start posting again, being more active online, reaching out to new people, sharing my art with others once more. I miss it all dearly. And I know people have been missing my art too, and some have even been seriously worried about my well-being. I sincerely apologize if I made any of you worry too much! ^^;

I hope this post is the first step in a long new creative journey for me. I’ll do my best to leave my shell, and to build myself and my art back up again. There’s so much wonderful stuff I want to do, and to show to the world! Stay tuned!

[nayialovecat]

I am increasingly considering deleting my tumblr account… I don't know if there's any point in keeping the account. I don't seem to know how to be in the fandom or build popularity, though - I feel like I'm doing something wrong all the time. What am I doing wrong? I don't know. I don't think I draw worse than popular people, I don't think I upload less stuff - yet people don't give a damn about me in general…. Maybe it's because I don't reblog my own work over and over again, I don't stand with a loudspeaker and shout "hey, I'm here, notice me" - and I guess that's what you have to do on tumblr, so… if that's the case, I'll rather say: thanks, no. Or someone explain to me how the damn thing works, 'cause I still haven't caught on in the few years I've had an account here.

Such the deviantArt is simple and user-friendly, and that's despite the annoying changes (Eclipse) that the developers have been making. There, if someone likes your work, they give it a like and that way everyone can see your work in their favorites, which causes more people to like your artwork. What do the likes on tumblr give? Shit, nothing, I haven't noticed that they give anything except that the author of the post knows that the other person exists and doesn't have a total blast on them. But honestly, while at the beginning the likes on tumblr made me happy, now seeing them in the gallery on my face only gives me a smile like I ate a lemon. Further… an additional advantage on dA is the existence of clubs - when I put my art in the appropriate club, it has a chance to reach all the people who are in that club, and because it is on topic, a greater chance that it will find amateurs. On tumblr there are only hashtags, which in addition do not work properly. On dA I can divide my gallery into thematic folders, arrange my works in any order, I have order there, and everything is transparent to viewers… Browsing the archive on tumblr is a torture - when I want to read chronologically someone's comics here, I have to do a lot of tinkering, unless the author makes a masterpost (but they rarely do).

I hate tumblr. I can barely tolerate it, but lately the fact that no matter how much works I upload, how active I am - I'm still invisible for most people, doesn't help. I was hoping that at least creating content from a game that many people like, having an open ask box and generally being active would change something, but… I guess I just don't get it and don't know how to be in the fandom, don't know how to gain popularity, I'm too introvert - or maybe I just think too highly of myself and truth is that I just draw crap. I don't know. But the only thing that still keeps me on tumblr are asks - but those are getting fewer and fewer, and I'm tired of asking for asks, y'know?… I just can't. I'm not good with that at all. I don't know how to ask for anything.

And I know that someone is about to accuse me of being a hypocrite… that I hardly reblog anything myself. I know I don't. I could. But then my tumblr would be even less readable and transparent. For me personally, it's annoying to browse a tumblr with someone else's drawings and every now and then other authors reblogs. It throws me off my rhythm. For that, I love the blogs of people who do not draw themselves, but reblog others, because there I have an overview of what other authors create. I have considered setting up a reblogging sub-account myself, but… tumblr rejects me, rejects me more and more, discourages me, I dislike it more and more… So my plans are slipping away and I think I'll eventually just delete the account or abaddon it.

I'm not a Drama Queen, it's just that through all of this, the thing that was supposed to help me reignite my desire to create and artistic activities ie closer contact with people, creating more, etc., has achieved the opposite effect: over the past few years I have undermined my self-esteem and my desire to do anything, I am beginning to develop the conviction that I shouldn't be drawing when few people like it, and the icing on the cake is that my most liked arts are garbage, scribbles done in seconds - and artworks that I spend a lot of time on, that I polish and colour, and shadow, go unnoticed… this hurts me, hurt me so much as an author and makes me ask myself: then why the fuck try? It makes no sense!

I am trying. I'm still trying. But I feel more and more like throwing it all to hell. If there are any people on tumblr who, for some reason unknown to me, nevertheless liked my work at least a little - I encourage you to create an account on dA, 'cause soon it will probably be my only art account on the Internet…

Sorry for the slight drama, but it has been slowly building up in me lately, and now it has started to crack. I don't understand why I can't be like others and what I'm doing wrong. I've been asking popular people for advice, how is it that their every word is sipped like ambrosia, every art or post even the worst gets thousands of likes and dozens of reblogs… I learned that there is either a some rainbow luck or they will not share their dark secrets with me… Apparently in the face of this, I'm not lucky enough.

[adgmik]

Another Day of Manic Phase #1

As I wrote before, I’m on a manic episode now and I’ll tell you about what happened when I was high.

I took my medication, but in reality I didn’t really take it. I mean I consumed it, but I skipped it sometimes. The side effects really affected me. 

But I think it helps me to cope with the high itself. I became more impulsive, I knew what I did is maybe harmful, not only for me but it might also hurt someone else that’s why I need the medicines to stabilize my mood.

I don’t know if was it the effect of skipping the medication, but when I did it, I ran wild. Last month, I deactivated my Instagram account, but yesterday I reactivated it just because I got bored when I was waiting for my friends. I know it was an awful reason, but it had already occurred. I posted too often in one day and those were not supposed to be uploaded. I regret I allowed my friend to post me in their Story. I hated it when our friends commented on their posts but I was disappointed if they were not giving any responses. But what I hate the most is I hate myself for being like that.

It’s not the worst part of me being manic, the other case is I literally purchased everything at the first sight, like everything I saw. 

In this post, I would like to give some stuff I got only in 2 days. Here we go...

It was yesterday. I never thought my very first album purchased would be this one instead of K-Pop. 

My mom kind of wanted to redecorate the living room, so at 12 P.M which is at the day, we decided to go out looking for this those cactuses. 

Unexpected purchase. it was because we were supposed to buy the real plant, not the imitation one.

Another unexpected purchase, because we got the best price. That was all.

I named this things handlers because it was supposed to handle the tooth kit in the bathroom. But turned out it didn’t work well. 

There were also other things, but I didn’t capture them on my phone. 

I can’t say if I regret buying all of these or not, but it was kind of weird considering I didn’t really need this kind of stuff. 

I know I have to control this condition, it eventually will occupy me if I stay still or always let the mood control me. If it ended up like the thing I don’t wish I would feel before, this kind of manic episode is not even better than the depressing one. 

Maybe writing is the one of few things I can do to overcome or to lessen this ‘not so cool’ phase, so I’ll continue. It’s fun honestly, becoming my true self when everyone I know is clueless about this side of myself. Not to mention I was that precious to them, I know I was nothing to most of my colleagues, but it’s still fun here. I feel like, there’s someone who’s hearing my story. I felt so heard. 

I don’t know if it’s the effect of mania, but what I feel right now is I think Tumblr can be my safe place to write everything.

[dashawfrostart]

This Week In "Time & Again" #11: Still Colouring, And Some Distractions

So... I have a few internet-posting goals for the close future. I know that I keep saying that all the time, but - since I'm an interwebs hermit, and I've been this way for, like, at least 10 years of my life now (and I have zero regrets 😁) - going online to post something takes an enormous mental effort from me. This is probably what happens when ageing, too. Every time I think about that, I just feel like those dogs from the funny videos who are being scolded for doing something their two-legged companions do not appreciate. So, basically and in a nutshell, this is my face when I think about going online to post stuff:

(source: https://makeagif.com/i/UyVZCW) And after all... why would I distract myself from work anyway? 😁 However, I really want more people to get acquainted with Lothar and Jeanny, and Edgar, and Winston, and Beatnik (oops, giant spoilers), and Daniel (oops, even more spoilers), and all of those other weirdos that our violent lovers meet on their strange path towards happiness (hopefully, because, truly, sometimes it's very difficult to say). So this is something that must be done eventually, so I will persevere😁💪 Rolling up my sleeves already!

Anyways, we know that Valentine's Day is coming! And I already have an artwork prepared to be uploaded very soon. Since in December last year I skipped a Christmas and New Years artwork, breaking my own good tradition and ever so slightly ruining a nice progression in the completion of my "2023 Pre-Christmas To-Do List", I figured I really should not delay with this one. And after all, everybody likes a little bit of spicy to set the mood for the upcoming Valentine's Day 😉 (and most of my Valentine's Day artworks are usually nothing short of "spicy" 😁 well, because they have to be that way).

I also made a totally random artwork, because I wanted to practice drawing certain something, a design element I would love to incorporate into my art style - so I came up with an idea to draw a parody of sorts. And it makes me really happy. It felt... rather refreshing. It gave me extra energy and happiness that I could use to continue working on the colouring for the actual chapter. Working so hard on the chapters of "Time & Again", I almost forgot how it feels to draw something random. Or something out of canon. Something simply for the fun of it. Many years ago most of my artworks used to be random and they were dedicated to random, various things and sometimes people. It was good. Now, since "Time & Again" to me is no less that a self-invented job (yeah, pretty much, for better or worse), I almost never do random funny and cute arts anymore, nevermind my greeting cards store had no updates from last year whatsoever... "Time & Again" might sound like a sort of obsession - but that is merely because I really, really, REALLY want to finish it up as soon as I can, because everyone should know what happened to Lothar and Jeanny and how they manage. Even if the confusion about the timelines still persists - but it's twice as fun this way! 😁

A fun observation: there's something in Lothar that I absolutely hate colouring! And the thing is absolutely essential to that particular dirtymouth individual! And the thing is... His glasses. Don't get me wrong! I love his glasses, the way they match his appearance, and that tiny bit of extra sexiness he magically acquires when wearing them. But dear goodness gracious, boy do I ever hate colouring them! 😤 It usually takes me at least 3 layers (lineart inclusive) to colour them, and then I have to arrange all the layers in the proper order. If the rest of the colours - including the skin and the clothing, but excluding special shiny/textured surfaces, if present - take me only one - ONE! - puny layer to make everything as it should be, then the glasses alone - that effing pathetic piece of... accessory! - take at least 2 layers of colouring. 3 with extra shine. Duuuuh. And they appear on every each panel with Lothar, because he wears them all the time. Geez, man! I hope sometime in the future that hot yet disgusting guy gets himself a pair of smart contacts with the built-in voice activated UI overlays. I'm sure he's rich enough to afford such a gimmicky thing. That will free me from a lot of extra work!.. (imagining things? entertaining my designer's hunger? foreshadowing? who knows?!?!;)))

... Which lead me to another one thought about the simplification of the colouring process. You see, with the colouring the way I do it, there's a lot of "automatic" work that is not really creative, one might say. I just need to fill the certain areas of the lineart with a certain colour and remove all the unfilled pixels afterwards... which is just a process of clicking, selecting areas and colours, and filling those areas with the right colours. And it's... kinda tedious. And monotonous. To be 100% fair, it's getting old fairly quickly. Now, shading and adding lighting effects is totally different. But filling the areas with the plain, flat colour prior to applying the shading... is incredibly "mechanical" to me. And my idea was... an AI program to do that. YES, YES, I KNOOOOW YOU'RE EITHER TURNING YOUR BACK ON ME NOW OR DOING THE ROBERT DOWNEY JR. MEME FACE after hearing (reading?) what I just said. I know the whole world just split into 2 groups of people who say either "AI yay!" or "AI nay!". Because, well, you see, human beings really enjoy disagreeing with each other, so there always has to be a reason (says I, cynically). My experience with AI is fairly limited as of now, but as a computer nerd - and a wife of yet another one computer nerd, for the full picture - the new technology mesmerizes me. I was shocked when ChatGPT named me the game I had trouble remembering the title of simply by my extremely vague (and partially wrong!) description - and it did it right off the bat, from the first try. I was utterly mind-blown. We've already heard a lot about AIs ruining the artists' works and yada yada, and we're not gonna touch this topic right now. But since AIs are capable of manipulation with the visual material, then why not teach it to automate the rather tedious processes in creating art while still keeping the essential "human" involvement intact? I would definitely use some nice program to automate the "select and fill, rinse and repeat" part of my work on Chapter 5 and potentially all the future chapters. An algorithm that would recognize the characters by their facial/bodily features and automatically colour them according to the colour scheme I created earlier (so, no random green hair if the character is blond, and no brown eyes if the eye colour must be blue, for example). Or something along the lines of that. Dammit, that would really make the work of the human artists so much faster whenever needed! I vote for this! I will hope from now on that somebody makes me a Krita extension with such a functionality now 😁

Deary me! I can't believe this actually happened! Sorta!.. I think this might be potentially the shortest blog post that I've written IN YEARS!.. Wowza! Apparently I can do that when I'm not trying, haha (but isn't it always this way?..😑 come to think of it, shopping works this way, too: when you're looking for something specific, you can never find it anywhere around!)

Sorry, no gifs today (aside from the funny dog one above). Moreover, when I looked into my screenshots folder, I have discovered that I did not take any this time while I've been working on the colouring like mad. This is sad, perhaps... So let me fix this! Here's a random screenshot that is very difficult to unsee, and it makes me super, super happy - especially considering what's actually happening in the story while Lothar is so... high? (would that be the right word in this situation? 🤔 man, sharing screenshots of random panels from the comic out of context is fairly odd)

... And now, I disappear into my little and comfy tree hollow, ruffling my feathers, so that I could work more on Chapter 5. Gotta make it stellar, after all! So I need more time in my tree hollow! Silky smooth! (ok, I start to get carried away associatively, so I better stop. Bye! See you soon in the next update!.. ah daaaaw, the next blog post! 👋)

[lastoneout]

"Ok, what will happen when people won't be able to support them?"

That's on them to figure out. Every new venture is a risk, but as it stands based on the tone of the video they are at a point where they can either keep making content that caters to the algorithm/advertisers for pennies or eventually burn out and stop making videos at all. They wouldn't do something like this out of greed, it's a move to ensure they can keep actually making videos they are excited about while paying everyone involved a living wage. Is it a risk? Yes, but if I was in their shoes I'd rather take a risk on behalf of my employees and my own life and energy than just keep doing stuff that is sanitized, full of ads, and potentially burn out and give up creating all together.

Some people are happy to keep making art on their own for pennies, sacrificing their own time and energy while holding down a job, but you can't do that and also treat everyone involved, INCLUDING YOURSELF, like a human being. Like, I thought we all agreed that humane working conditions even for self-employed people are a good thing?

2. "They've launched their WEBSITE AT THE SAME TIME THEY'RE TELLING US GOODBYE- like… Thank you, now let me walk away from the platform and sell you this."

I will at least agree that this announcement wasn't handled as well as it could have been, and the silly countdown + the actual announcement being somber is obviously gonna feel like a rug pull. I also don't think there's anything wrong with feeling upset about this or being disappointed that you will no longer be able to watch their new shows. That's understandable and you are not a monster for having emotions.

However, sometimes you just can't have things. It sucks, but as someone who is disabled and gluten intolerant and who grew up poor, I have become intimately aware with the process of accepting that sometimes you just can't have something you want. I wish we didn't live in that sort of world, but we do. I can drool all over Texas Roadhouse buns all I want, but that doesn't change the fact that eating them would be bad for me. I can cry because I miss hiking while still recognizing that actually doing it would destroy my joints. We can mourn Watcher uploading their stuff for free while still recognizing this move is a good(or at LEAST neutral) one, that will allow them to make more content that they're actually passionate about while treating themselves and their employees like people.

3. "People can't afford 10$ to watch something in a world where some have to choose between this and bills."

I mean this as kindly as I can, but you not being able to afford something is not the fault of artists who sell the things you want. You, and everyone else who are making this argument, are legit saying it's more ethical for artists to sell their creations for dirt cheap and live in poverty than for them to ask for fair wages for their work. Like this is legit just "ugh I can't believe [x artist] is charging $500 for a full 3D model and vtuber rig, don't they know people are starving??" with a fresh coat of paint, and it's not an argument I'm willing to continue to entertain. It is not the fault of indie/freelance artists that the world sucks, and they deserve to eat and work under humane conditions just as much as you do. If you think what they put out isn't worth your money, then by all means, don't buy it. They aren't forcing anyone to join, and I doubt they'd ever suggest people are obligated to sign up, especially if it would mean those people would have to go without food, medicine, and shelter.

They're just asking to be paid so they can continue to create without doing it at the expense of their creative freedom and their employees. There's literally nothing wrong with that.

4. "...I have YET to see people showing their discontentment in a hateful manner, most of them are literally just saying, I'm sorry I won't be able to follow you for the rest of this journey and that it was a bad move."

The last time I checked, the second reply on their tumblr post is someone telling them to fuck off, but lets go check again rn to see what people are saying!

Yeah, sounds like everyone's being super chill and reasonable about this. (And I checked, the youtube comments are more of the same.) The people being chill are outliers. 90% of commenters are acting like this means Shane, Ryan, and Steven are all greedy billionaires who just want us poors to pay for their vacations, not fucking indie creators who want to stop having to kneel before the almighty algorithm, youtube's bullshit inconsistent content guidelines that fuck over creators every single day, and the whims of ACTUAL billion dollar companies who run ads on their videos.

Also like, not to keep dragging this out, but everyone is aware that their Dropout money also goes to paying for vacations, right?? A solid 30% of Game Changer eps involve prizes like large sums of money, expensive home-goods and game consoles, and vacations. You think all of that comes out of Sam's pocket?? You think he's a billionaire or something?? But anyway, Watcher has never done anything like that. Why is them just asking for $6 every month that they will reinvest in their content and the people they employ a problem now??

5. "It's fine if you can afford it, go support them, but for the rest of us, disliking their approach doesn't make them less of a fan..."

I'm being a bit petty here, but imo reacting with vitriol DOES make you less of a fan, or at least less of a good person. Not paying because you can't is fine--NO ONE IS SAYING THAT'S NOT FINE, and fucking Shane LITERALLY said in the video they don't give a shit if you account share with as many people as you want, and I doubt Mr. "it's ethical to steal from rich people" Madej gives a shit about piracy either--but the people above? Who are acting like *checks notes* the people who make these shows wanting to be paid a living wage and not have to deal with huge levels of creativity killing oversight are selfish, greedy monsters who hate their fans are proving what they care about is being given free art, not about the people who make it.

Tbh, I'm pro-piracy, I think it's fine to shoplift from Walmart and Target, you should account share on Netflix, like hell I give Crunchyroll my money, and I do believe every single person deserves to have enough money to live comfortably with money left over for vacations and non-essential purchases. Hell, I think money is fucking evil tbh and we should get rid of it. Everyone deserves shelter and food and comfort and medical care purely for existing.

But Watcher isn't Netflix. It isn't Crunchyroll, it isn't Target or Walmart. They're making their own company and streaming service because they don't want to have massive corporations breathing down their neck and telling them what to do. (And like, I figured we all understood this after the James Somerton thing but you can't just apply to be part of Nebula, you get scouted, and according to creators on there if you want Nebula money to make new shows and movies you have to pitch them(Abigail Thorn and Jessie Gender have both talked about having to pitch their films/plays to Nebula, and the JetLag guys have talked about how getting people to sign up with your link helps Nebula see you as a worthwhile investment), which means there's a chance they say no, which I can understand them wanting to avoid. And joining Dropout?? Which produces improv-focused comedy game-shows?? The ONLY Watcher shows that comes even close to matching that tone is Puppet History and maybe Too Many Spirits, I can't imagine that's a merger what would go over well, and again, they'd still have to ask permission for every single show they want to make.) Watcher is made up of pretty successful indie creators who took a big fucking risk leaving a nightmare of a company who claimed full control over their content while forcing them to work in inhumane conditions, and they're taking another risk because they want to be able to offer bigger and better things while still making enough money for themselves and their employees to live off of.

Tbh, that's anti-capitalist, or at least anti-monopoly. The reason Dropout and Nebula exist is because if you want a good YouTube alternative that doesn't suck you have to make it yourself. Everything being consolidated under one company, be it YouTube or Netflix, or even Nebula or Dropout imo, is fucking bad actually. Monopolies are bad. I want to live in a world where creators who want to branch out can without losing their livelihoods. I want loads of different services so if I don't vibe with one I have another option. I would MUCH rather give Watcher and Dropout and Nebula my money than have to give it all to YouTube, which the creators barely get a fraction of. (I see people insisting channels like the Watcher make bank but they have 2mil subscribers, which is a lot, but that's not Mr. Beast numbers or anything. It's enough to get by without too many staff members and without doing anything flashy. Swell Entertainment also legit did a whole video about what a 1mil view count video makes and it's like $1000 USD at most without taking a sponsorship on top of running ads. Nowhere NEAR enough for even ONE person to live off of, and most watcher videos DON'T even clear 1mil views. Like this is why it makes me think the people complaining have no idea what they're talking about. They just assume if you're even a little popular you must be fuckin' rolling in it when that's simply not the case.)

But anyway, sorry for the rant. This is just pissing me off beyond reason because I cannot standing seeing the 'Dropout-fanclub "support your fave artists on bandcamp so they get paid!" employees deserve a living wage and artists deserve to get paid support the writers strike and don't shop at Starbucks even if you want it because you can't always have what you want' webbed site flip it's fucking lid over the Watcher taking a risk so they can keep paying their employees and making the kind of content they want to make which is the SAME shit so many groups have done before them. It's ridiculous, entitled, and tells me none of them respect artists or grew out of their "what do you mean this commission is $70 or this handmade dress cost $200, I deserve it for cheaper because I'm poor clearly the artist is an entitled rich asshole who doesn't care about poor people" mentality and understandably, as an artist, it's pissing me the fuck off.

Sorry I'm just so fucking sick of people online recognizing that ads and algorithms suck and it's best to find ways you can support creators directly, how every website is sanitizing the internet and fucking over anyone who wants to do anything different is awful and evil, and how if you get money from selling out(often against your will) to corporations said corperation might just randomly decide to nuke you and everything you've ever made off the face of the earth to save on taxes or w/e like what happened to Rooster Teeth and College Humor and The Escapist, but then throwing a fucking fit when the answer to that is "yeah well it costs money to make stuff because we don't live in a post scarcity utopia, so like maybe try, you know, financially supporting the creators you love if you want them to not get driven away by said enshittifcation of the internet or sold to and then deleted by rich corporations to make their shareholders more money".

I'm sorry, you can't have it both ways. Shit costs money, and your favorite creators asking you to support them so they don't have to stop making the stuff they AND we love(or sanitizing it and filling it with ads just to pay the bills, or begging for money from investors who will demand constant growth and retain insane control over what gets made and might decide to just delete everything to save a quick buck) doesn't make them monsters. Being broke sucks but like, christ. There's a difference between YouTube and Netflix price gouging and being greedy capitalists and your favorite indie creators asking for a little money so they can keep making stuff.

(And if you can understand why Dropout and Nebula are paid services and A03 has donation drives, then you can understand why Watcher is going the same route. We're trying to save the shows you love in the forms you love while challenging Google's damn near monopoly on online video sharing and continuing to not give corporations the power to delete massive chunks of media history.)

Just like fuck man, needing money to make things/keep your favorite websites up isn't inherently evil. Asking viewers for support is the GOOD ending for stuff like Watcher. I'd rather pay to watch than watch them sell out to W.B. or die off on YouTube.

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #096

(taken january 1st; uploading surveys taken while gone)

What is the best part of your life? I don't like that this is my answer, but Girt. Still working on my favorite part of my life being just myself and who I am and stuff...

Do you care about gun laws? I care VERY fucking much about gun laws and how fucking necessary it is to make firearms SO much less accessible.

Would you ever consider getting a facial piercing? I've had multiple and want to get my nostril re-pierced. Possibly some around my eye area IF I ever don't need glasses at some point in the future, but this is insanely unlikely because I hate contacts and don't care enough to get lasik surgery.

Do you listen to '80s metal? Haha hell yeah, '80s metal has a special place in my heart. I'm not as into classic rock/metal as I was in high school, but I absolutely still do love it and will happily listen to it.

Do you like acoustic or electric guitar better? Electric, absolutely. I just LOVE the sound of an electric guitar, mmf.

What was the last major city you visited? Raleigh.

Have you taken a painkiller today? Yes actually, I've been having tooth pain since my dentist appointment a good few days back and eventually really needed something.

Have you ever had a pumpkin latte and if so, did you like it? Nope, I hate coffee and I hate anything pumpkin-flavored.

Are you currently in a relationship? If so, do you think it will last? Yes, and complete, total honesty, yes, I do.

Have you ever been camping in the wilderness? No. I'd be totally willing to in an RV or something, but not a basic tent; I'd honestly be too nervous and also I know EXTREMELY uncomfortable, I don't handle being down on the floor well *at all* with my current physical shape.

Did your parents go to college? If so, what did they study? My dad didn't; I actually don't think he even finished high school? Mom did, for social work, but of course her cancer and Covid stopped her from getting a chance to intern somewhere and eventually get a job, even though she got her degree... That remains such, such a sore spot for her, and it breaks my heart. I just can't imagine being so close to what you wanted and then circumstances outside your control just ruin it.

Name the strangest game you’ve ever played (video game or real game): Haha honestly probably the original Silent Hill. The first time I played it with Jason, it twisted my mind into fuckin knots and it took a loooot of online reading and video-watching to make sense of it. I was hooked immediately.

Would you pay if your dog needed an operation? In the hypothetical situation that I had the money to save Cookie, of course I would. My mom loves her so much.

What’s the weirdest thing you’ve seen in a grocery store? A big container of literal fursuit heads lmfao, Wal-Mart is a lawless wasteland

Have you ever met any bands/band members before? No.

What states have you been to in the past year? I never left NC.

Have you ever fostered an animal? No, but it's a dream to rescue and raise an opossum one day.

Who did you last talk to in Facebook chat? Girt, very briefly. He just sent me a video.

What do you think of guys wearing colored skinny jeans? Guys, and everyone else, can wear whatever the fuck they want.

Would you ever get blonde highlights? Nah.

Will you go to your high school reunion? Hell no.

What animal have you always wanted as a pet but couldn’t have? Well for the most part my mom has been very accepting of letting me adopt the pets I want so long as it's a reasonable time and we can provide for it, but there's one type of pet I've desperately wanted for multiple years now, tarantulas, but she absolutely refuses to let me have any while I live with her, lol.

Have you ever been in a hospital and not felt safe? Yup, most strongly the last time I was at the psych hospital. There was a man that regularly acted EXTREMELY predatory and I could not fucking believe how lenient the staff was at just letting him do his creepy fucking thing. I finally snapped the last day I was there because of this guy and sincerely feared I was about to be assaulted.

What’s the highest fever you’ve ever had? I have no idea; I have fevers so incredibly rarely.

One thing you promised yourself you’d never do and then did? Be able to love anybody again after Jason. I was so, so, so fucking positive that it was absolutely impossible.

Have you ever had to call 911? Twice for my mom, yes. I feel like I may be forgetting a third instance...

Do you get along with your significant other’s friends? To be honest I don't know many of his current friends; we had a lot of mutual friends in HS, but both of us have really drifted away from them. His best friend Taylor currently lives with him, whom I've met before and gotten on with fine, but we don't really interact much; even at Girt's house, he has his own room and does his own thing in there most of the time. I've sorta interacted with some gaming friends of his before, and apparently they really like me and I think they seem nice too, so I guess you could say I do "get along" with them.

Are you one of those people who will not use a public washroom? I try VERY hard not to, but if not going is seriously going to impact my comfort, then yes I'm going to use one.

What is something that you do often with your family? Nothing, honestly...

Do you enjoy the sound of crickets at night and birds in the morning? YES!!!

Do you need a haircut? I'm ready for a trim, yes. I know I'm ready once my hair starts regularly tickling my neck.

What is the most expensive gift you have ever given someone? The promise ring I got Sara LMFAO oops, that was a terrible choice

Have you ever taken pictures in a photo booth? Yes, I know I have with Summer as well as once with Jason on my 16th birthday.

Do you feel bad when you kill bugs? Yes. I try to avoid killing them.

Do you like animal print things? I don't.

Do you have any pets that you had since you were born? Oh definitely not. The dog my parents had when I was born died before I was even one, I think. I have zero memories of her.

Are all your pets micro chipped? I highly doubt Crystal ever micro-chipped Cookie, seeing as she came with her collar. Roman also isn't; he wears a collar, too. Venus is a snake so obviously this doesn't apply to her. ... Unless snakes can be micro-chipped?? idk

Would you ever cope in a jail? No; full transparency, I would kill myself, and I know that with pretty much absolute certainty.

Have you ever seen an alligator in person? Yes; multiple times at the zoo and at least once in the wild, though I'm pretty much positive it was an alligator that escaped the local (and very nearby) zoo that had recently been destroyed by Hurricane Floyd.

Are you a liberal? I honestly don't know if that titles totally fits me, but I can tell you I am way, way more politically left than anywhere near right.

Were you fearless or a coward in the face of the child hunter in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang? OH MY GOOOOOOOD I forgot about him, he absolutely scared me, lol.

Did you ever hit anything while learning to drive? I wish I was exaggerating, but I IMMEDIATELY hit a curb. In the fucking parking lot where I started, lmfao.

Have you or a pet ever gotten a tapeworm? *I* would rather fucking die than have a tapeworm; when I was younger, I was always SO paranoid I'd somehow gotten one. I've always been absolutely petrified of internal parasites. I've never had a pet with one, either. Thank fucking god because I would puke.

Do you know any furries? Yes; the roommates Jason and I housed with in the apartment were both furries. Jacob is still my friend (at least, we're on each other's FBs and will rarely interact), but he broke up with Amanda maaaaany years ago, and I never spoke to her afterwards.

Do you snore? Steal the covers? Roll around in your sleep? I rarely snore, but I know I do move a lot and absolutely steal the covers; Girt is also a blanket hog though so I'm very thankful I got a bigger comforter for Christmas, haha.

Is the lion the best character in The Wizard of Oz? I think I liked the scarecrow most.

Would you immediately look for someone right after you broke up with your bf/gf? No; it would absolutely take a lot of time to get over Girt.

Have you ever studied any new age or occult religions such as Wicca? I've researched them to some extent, yes.

Do you want someone aggressive or passive in bed? I am the most bottom motherfucker you will ever meet so do the math lmfao BUT I will add there is absolutely such a thing as being too aggressive to where I'm not into it.

Are you someone who actually likes to babysit children? No. I only "help" my mom watch my sister's kids because she's the primary caregiver and the one who really handles things. I'm just there to engage with the kids when they want to.

Do you find any of your friends’ parents creepy or really mean? Well we haven't been friends for many years, but I thought Colleen's father-in-law was SUPER fucking creepy, and turns out he had gross sexual tendencies anyway.

Who did you last have over your house, and why were they there? Tobey came for dinner a few nights ago.

Recently, who in your house has gotten on your nerves the most? I only live with my mom, and we've been doing fine. She got under my skin last night, but I'm over it.

Ever kissed a friend’s crush? No.

If something was wrong who is the first girl you would go to? My mom.

What do you dislike about your smile? I feel like my eyes squint too much and I just look high.

Have you ever kissed in the snow? I don't believe I have.

Have you ever liked a football player? No. Jocks have never been my thing.

Has the last person you kissed taken their shirt off in front of you? Yeah.

Are you good at hiding your feelings? NO.

When was your first kiss? It was like a month into me being 16.

What’s your most popular post? On my old Tumblr it would pretty much definitely be the gif I made of Markiplier and his dog Chica that basically went viral in the fanbase.

Is anyone in your family over six feet tall? I'm quite positive my brother is, at least. Maybe my dad, idk.

Has anyone lost their virginity to you? No.

What improvement would be the most beneficial to your life right now? My legs recovering would probably be it. It severely affects so many areas of my life. I'm finally getting better about using the bike, though...

Have you ever merged finances with a significant other? No.

What’s the least amount you’ve weighed since reaching your full height? Uh, somewhere around 120, which I woulda fucking killed to be again for years until I semi-recently learned my very base adult weight is like 160; going below that would, for my basic body composition, be emaciation. How the hell a scale told the doctor that, I don't know, I just trust them with the explanation that the scale was thousands of dollars and just super advanced.

What were your high school’s team colors? Red and white.

Who were your best friends in high school? Jason, Hannia, Girt, Summer... I had a good number of close friends.

Have you ever been to Chicago? If yes, what do you like best about it? Once, when I visited Sara. It was just so, SO different from what I'm used to; I don't generally like cities, but visiting one briefly was nevertheless super cool. I just liked all the lights and activity, and seeing how tall the Willis Tower really is. Like even craning your neck fully back, you can't see the top.

Are you close with your cousins? Nope.

Are you close to any aunts or uncles? Also no, not really.

What was your favorite thing to do at sleepovers when you were younger? Uh, probably swim if a pool was available and it was a good time of year. I liked doing a variety of things, like playing pretend, too.

Does your town have a big fountain in it? Yeah, we have a city park not far from here that has a fountain in the lake.

What’s your favorite rock band? SOBS Rammstein if that's the genre you wanna put 'em in.

Who’s your favorite country singer? I tend to like Tim McGraw songs, but I think Carrie Underwood has the best voice out of the country vocalists I've heard.

Has your hair color changed since you were a toddler? Yes; my hair was dirty blonde as a kid.

[arotechno]

Jughead (2015), Aromanticism and Representation Part 1: The Mark Waid Fiasco

So, here’s the thing.

I was going to finish my arc-by-arc reread and review of the Jughead reboot. I was! But that was nearly a year ago now, and I kind of got distracted with a busy summer and moving and then a bunch of other stuff got in the way. And so really, I was going to finish. But the truth is, the last volume is either not super interesting for me to talk about or it’s the Mark Waid bit that I just really didn’t want to go through the trouble of getting screencaps and doing analysis for and so on. But I’m also not done talking about Jughead (I never will be) and I said before that I had some more overarching commentary I wanted to eventually put out, so here we are. So let’s talk about representation. Namely, I want to talk about the differences between Zdarsky and North’s portrayals of Jughead’s aromanticism. But in order to do that, we have to address the elephant in the room. We have to talk about Mark Waid.

First, a brief summary of volume three, just for context, since I never got around to it: Ryan North finishes off his run with a relatively lighthearted short arc where due to Jughead fucking up in a video game bet, the gang is forced to treat Reggie like a king for a week and do everything he says. They end up starting a really terrible band, things get out of hand, Jughead accidentally uploads a public video of them that implodes all of their social lives… it’s fun and goofy and can be basically summed up as Jughead Experiences Consequences, Wacky Hijinks Ensue.

The last two issues of the Jughead reboot ever released were written by Mark Waid and Ian Flynn. For the sake of focusing on the source material itself, the final arc consists of Sabrina accidentally casting a spell that makes everyone obsessed with Jughead. The problem is, since Jughead is super aroace and touch averse, this very quickly becomes a very uncomfortable situation. Now, I actually don’t hate these last two issues, and it’s not like Waid and Flynn retconned Jughead’s orientation or anything as drastic as that. The problem was with how the storyline was promoted and sensationalized prior to these issues even being released, and with Waid’s attitude in general.

I can’t find any record of Waid’s tweets about this because he deleted them all. Literally, I’ve searched his profile and all of his tweets from 2017 after January 5 are gone, or else Twitter is glitching like crazy. But there is this one that he wrote in reference to Trump not long before his Jughead run was announced, and uhh…

I don’t know how to explain why this is bad, but it made aspec fans very nervous to see this kind of behavior and then find out that Waid was picking up Jughead, an aroace character.

Further alarm was raised when the synopsis for the new storyline was announced. It originally read as follows:

“Sabrina the Teenage Witch tries to do something nice for Jughead, but it ends up creating a comedy of errors in which he is the most desired bachelor in town! From the new writing team of Mark Waid (Archie) and Ian Flynn (Sonic the Hedgehog).”

This was… concerning, to say the least. A cover art in which Jughead is depicted surrounded by women and grinning was also circulated, which made a lot of aroace fans very uncomfortable (though it should be noted that this was an alternative cover, and not the one drawn by Derek Charm that ended up in the issue):

Once issues 15 and 16 were eventually released, things kind of died down a bit, at least from where I was standing. Like I said, the storyline as it actually appears in the comics is not really all that bad. As a basic plotline, I don’t find it particularly problematic; however, the issue that I still have with it to this day is that it doesn’t feel like it was written or promoted for aspec people to enjoy. It was a storyline about borderline sexual harassment that was played entirely for laughs for a straight audience, right down to the way it was described in the initial synopsis for issue 15. Zdarsky and North, in different ways, both wrote with what I felt was a great deal of care and attention paid to making sure Jughead’s orientation was portrayed respectfully without being his entire character. I don’t know what role Ian Flynn had in all this, because all of the criticism and back-and-forth that eventually got deleted seemed to be focused on Mark Waid—but needless to say, issues 15 and 16, while not bad writing, feel a lot more careless than aspec people deserved.

I don’t think Mark Waid is an awful person and my intention isn’t to restart the discourse or “cancel” Waid by posting this. I think he’s a deeply flawed person and kind of an asshole who wasn’t the right person to write Jughead and treated fans very disrespectfully in response. I think he’s a coward for deleting the evidence, and I’m disappointed that issues 15 and 16 were the last that we ever got, but at the same time I shudder to think what worse damage he may have done in later issues had he been given the chance. This is the exact opposite of how I feel about the Zdarsky and North arcs, and I want to talk about that more in a later post (that one will be more fun!), but for now I felt that I could not get into a deeper commentary on aro representation in the Jughead reboot without addressing Mark Waid first. It felt disingenuous not to.

Anyway, before I go I just want to add that when I went onto Mark Waid’s Twitter, I found out that today, by complete coincidence, happens to be his birthday. So I hope he enjoys this gift of continuing aro rage. <3

And if any of you happen to find those tweets (or anything else pertinent to this discussion that I missed), please let me know!

[arhvste]

001 MIYA ATSUMU X SHUT UP AND DRIVE SERIES

++ MSBY GARAGE

❝ i've been looking for a driver who is qualified, so if you think that you're the one step into my ride ❞

dt — @rintaroll

“so, what’s it gonna take for ya to praise me a little more?”

you rolled your eyes and huffed, brushing the setters hand off your shoulder.

“shouldn’t you be more concerned about, oh i don’t know, your fans, interviews, your teammates?!” you snapped back as atsumu held both his hands up in defence.

the crowd was loud and still bustling as the black jackals most recent victory continued to stir excitement through the mass of spectators in the high stands. fans were still yelling and chanting as interviewers scrambled to grab the attention of any player they could. multiple had pried for atsumu in fact, alas, all his attention was solely focused on none other than his teams promotional manager; you.

you were chatting to the teams photographer and uploading updates and playbacks onto the teams twitter at the time the blond had bounded his way over to you and here you were, faced with the famous setter leaning on the advertisement boards lining the court diving you from him.

“miya,” you sighed, pinching the bridge of your nose as you shook your head. “go and talk to some interviewers and get yourself back over to the others, i’m begging you at this point.”

“beggin’ huh?” a boyish smirk tugged at his lips and his eyes stayed locked on your own.

“not in the way your disgusting little mind is thinking of.” you shot back, stepping back from the board and looking back down at your phone where the teams twitter was currently blowing up.

atsumu snickered before standing up straight.

“whatever ya say doll, just hold up a little longer and i’m all yours again yeah?”

you scoffed and shook your head at him before shooing him away.

“i’d prefer you weren’t.”

“lyin’s a bad habit.”

“would you just go already?”

atsumu laughed as he turned to make his way back to the rest of his awaiting team. waving a hand back at you, he turned to face you before shooting a wink your way as interviewers and photographers flooded the scene.

this was a typical exchange of interaction between the two of you. ever since you had been introduced to the team as their promotional manager, atsumu had fixated his interest outside of volleyball onto you. 7 months later and nothing had changed despite his never faltering persistence.

you sighed as the photographer laughed softly before turning to his own laptop to import more photos for you to upload.

“he seems to have a soft spot for you.”

you groaned and switched your phone off, leaning back on the advertisement boards atsumu himself was previously leaning against.

“he’s such a handful.” you stated as the photographer chuckled.

“looks like he wants to be one for you though.”

“i wish he didn’t” you muttered back as the photographer smiled earnestly at you.

“i think we both know that’s a lie, we’ve been working together for a while and i don't think this dread to spend time with him is as evident as you make it out.”

you whined as you sent a soft frown his way.

“trust me, it is.”

“whatever you say.” the man teased back before clicking on the last images to send your way.

thanking him and making your way over to the teams manager and coach, you stood beside them in front of the msby boys and watched them as outlet interviewers shot questions their way.

multiple flashes went off every few seconds as each player flashed a handsome smile to the camera. you scanned over the team and bokuto was excitedly chatting and laughing with the interviewers. you smiled softly to yourself as you let your eyes wander from bokuto over to sakusa who was trying his best to avoid contact with his sweaty teammates and ‘annoying’ interviewers. it was clear he wasn’t as thrilled to be there as the others so you sent an apologetic look his way and mouthed to him he only had to put up for roughly 10 minutes more. he silently wallowed in self pity at that, but that quickly turned to agitation as atsumu dominated your vision.

slinging an arm over sakusa, (much to the latters disgust), atsumu grinned at you and flashed a smirk for a brief second before turning back to give the cameras a toothy grin.

your face dropped back into a frown as atsumu feigned hurt from a distance.

the team manager laughed as she elbowed you gently.

“interviewers might have a little more luck keeping him focused if you were the one interviewing him.”

you raised an eyebrow as you turned to face her.

“he’s like a puppy.” you stated bluntly as the manager laughed.

“a lovesick puppy.” she corrected as you faked a gag.

“why you all think he’s head over heels for me is way beyond me.”

the manager smiled before nudging for you to look at the attractive setter.

“because it's obvious. you break the boys heart every week.”

you watched as atsumu happily chatted to interviewers and forced sakusa to begrudgingly pose for photos and join in with him.

“he’s not my type.” you said as your eyes stayed focused on the blond.

“right.” the manager teased before smiling over at the team's captain, meian, her own boyfriend.

you smiled at the pair’s interaction as the team dispersed after thanking interviewers and fans for their support.

meian wandered over to the manager who happily placed a kiss to her cheek before guiding her off towards the back of the stadium, hand lingering on the small on her back.

you sighed as your own thoughts invaded your headspace. it wasn’t that you didn’t want a boyfriend. you just hadn’t met anyone worth the time yet.

well, that was your go to excuse to tell everyone anyway. the truth was, you didn't even know the limits to your own standards, you just knew they were high when looking for a potential partner.

the feeling of a heavy arm slung over your shoulder forced you back into reality as your eyes flickered up in surprise.

“miss me?” the hot breath and familiar voice teased the shell of your ear as you scowled.

“you wish.” you snapped back as you attempted to duck out of your offender's grip.

“ah-ah, yer coming home with me today.” atsumu smirked confidently as you hissed at him to get off.

“says who?” you argued as the setter looked down at you smugly.

“me.” another voice joined the conversation as you turned to face the owner of it.

your eyes met the coach who was looking at you slightly sympathetically.

“huh?”

“sorry,” the coach began, hand holding the back of his neck. “i know i said i’d take you home, but my wife has some errands she needs me to pick up before getting home and i’d hate to have to drag you along with me this late at night.”

you groaned but nodded understandably.

“luckily, atsumu here was kind enough to offer to be your ride back home.”

“lucky me.” your voice dripping with thick sarcasm as atsumu ignored it.

“yeah, lucky you indeed. do ya know how many girls would kill to be in yer position right now?” atsumu teased, arm still firmly made at home around your shoulders.

“let them kill me.” you glared at him as he gasped playfully.

“ya don’t mean that.”

“i do.”

“you don’t.”

“just take me home already i’m tired!” you threw your arms up as atsumu grinned.

“sure, give me a few minutes to grab my stuff and i’ll meet you round the back of the building, yeah?”

“whatever.”

you made your way towards the back exit of the stadium and were met with other members of support for the team who were waiting for the boys to grab their things from the locker rooms. some players opted to shower after matches while others waited til they got back home. atsumu fell into the category of players who waited until they got home. this was both a blessing and a curse. you wouldn’t have to wait for him for too long, but you would be met with a sweaty atsumu.

this wasn’t technically a bad thing, atsumu had a habit of getting rid of the smell after each match with an expensive cologne you’d never even attempt to pronounce, but he happened to somehow be a little more attractive when he looked worn out and disheveled. you hated yourself for thinking such a thing but you just couldn’t help it. he was annoyingly attractive and it made his personality a little more dislikable in your opinion.

you waited for around 10 minutes before you were met with boisterous laughter ringing through the spacious lounge by the exit.

atsumu and bokuto came striding out from the hall directing towards the locker rooms, gym bags in their hands and ruggish hair that would need taming again eventually.

you sighed as you waited for atsumu to approach you. he bid his goodbyes to everyone and sent a look at bokuto's way. the ace held a thumbs up at atsumu as the others in the lounge looked at each other giggling and smiling smugly.

you raised an eyebrow but shrugged it off as you felt a hand find its way on your waist.

“let’s get going then.” his voice strumming chords through your body as you shivered slightly.

atsumu led you out and down towards the underground garage used by players and staff members whilst at the stadium. you’d never actually seen atsumu’s car before so you had no idea what to be looking for, but atsumu’s hand remained firmly on your waist as he led you over to an array of expensive cars. mentally trying to guess what car belonged to the setter, atsumu watched with a small smirk etched on his face as your eyes scanned along each car. keys hooked around his finger, atsumu pressed the unlock button as your jaw dropped slightly.

of fucking course.

miya atsumu was the proud owner of a jet black 2021 chevrolet corvette with the number plate gracing it in all its glory ‘MIY4 13’.

you scoffed as atsumu’s smirk widened.

“so, ya gettin in or what?”

“into what? my one way invitation to death?”

atsumu snickered as he led you over to the passengers seat.

“i won’t kill ya, i promise.”

you looked back at him, handsome and sharp features making your eyes soften.”

“well, it’s not like i’ll be able to yell at you if you break that promise.”

“exactly.” atsumu grinned as you climbed into the luxury vehicle. the soft leather padding of the seats welcoming you as your weight shifted onto them.

you glanced around the interior as your eyes were met upon. various lit buttons caught your attention as a screen switched on as atsumu opened the drivers door. you were certain the car had way too many features but that’s what made it a luxury vehicle you guessed. the sleek black and red complimented interior was admired by you as atsumu watched your eyes dance around the car. his eyes softened as you visably relaxed a little more. your hand hooked across the firmly threaded seatbelt as you pulled it around you.

you looked at atsumu who’s smirk seemed to have faded. instead, a soft grin was painted across his face as he helped you click the belt securely in place.

“don’t kill me miya.”

“i’ll do my best.” he winked at you before pressing the start engine.

mentally chanting your last prayers, you accepted the position fate had put you in and did your best to stop the stirring of butterflies in your chest as atsumu placed his hand on the back of your headrest and pulled out.

well fuck.

as if he wasn’t attractive enough before, he sure as hell was now. your eyes widened and heart picked up it’s pace as the scent of atsumu’s signature cologne flooded your senses.

his sharp jaw and focused eyes, pointed in the direction of the rear window as he successfully pulled the car out the space. moving his hand back onto the wheel, atsumu turned to smirk at you as you gave him a pleading look. before you could open your mouth to speak, the setter slammed on the accelerator and the engines picked up its volume as your head was thrown back a little as the car sped out the garage exit.

“you little shit!” you cussed out as atsumu laughed as you sped onto the highway through the city.

“ya love the thrill don’t lie.”

“i’m not lying!” you protested as the flashes of bright lights flew past the window.

atsumu smiled as his right hand found its place on the middle of your thigh.

“miya!” you hissed as atsumu tilted his head momentarily your direction.

“ya can call me atsumu ya know?”

“i don’t want to!”

“for such a genuine person, yer so full of shit sometimes.”

you huffed as you gave up letting atsumu’s touch encourage the stir inside of you. you turned and glared out the window at the passing scene as atsumu hummed in satisfaction.

a few more moments of comfortable silence went by, nothing but the sounds of cars zooming past and the soft hum of atsumu’s own car’s engine.

you frowned and bit the corner of your lip as you peaked towards the blond whose eyes were fixed on the road.

“so,” you began, resulting in the player's eyes to flicker your way for a millisecond. “why are you so hooked on me?” you questioned.

you held your breath as you finally voiced the concern that had been playing on your mind for a while. you rarely had moments of privacy with the man despite his infatuation and demand to be around you.

“am i not allowed to be?” he challenged teasingly as he sqeezed your thigh slightly.

you wanted to force his grip off of you, you really did, but something about it felt so natural you just couldn't.

“miya.” you sighed and shook your head.

“atsumu.” he corrected as you turned to face him properly.

“look, you’re just my type. that’s all there is to it.” he replied simply,as if it was no big deal to him.

“and just what exactly is your type?” you quizzed as you pulled up at a traffic light.

slowing the car to stop for a while the light was red, atsumu turned his face to look at your own before he flashed that boyish grin you’d unknowingly grown rather fond of.

“you.”

and with that, the world threw you back into fast motion as the green light flashed, highlighting his face before he hit the acceleration again making your eyes widen.

“atsumu…” you sighed quietly as the adrenaline brought more life into his eyes.

it wasn’t that you hated atsumu. it wasn’t that at all. he was just someone you didn’t see yourself seriously with. someone so out there and demanding of the world. you had always envisioned yourself with someone a little more down to earth, someone with a stable job with a lowkey personal life, a person who took life at a comfortable pace. you had never seriously considered being with someone like miya atsumu. someone who demanded the world's attention, dominated every scene he was put in, who took life at the speed the highest the accelerator would go. someone so big, so bright. you never imagined someone like miya atsumu would take interest in someone like you. you were opposites stuck in an entanglement of professional lives.

out of every person in the world, the universe had decided miya atsumu would become the man who ticked the boxes to your unknown standards. you just hated to acknowledge it.

pulling off the highway, atsumu drove through the less busy roads as your apartment complex came into vision. half of you wanted the ride to be a little longer, but the other half of you couldn’t wait to lock yourself in your apartment away from the man who caused turmoil inside of you.

atsumu hummed as he pulled around the back of your complex. the roads were quiet and the soft lights of other buildings gleamed off the vehicle as the golden light flooded through the tinted glass of the windows, pulling attention to the boyish, but charming features of his face.

you sighed as he pulled the car to a stop and let the engine settle down. you stayed like that for a moment as the two of you sat there packed in the quiet parking lot.

“listen, I meant it, i really do like you.” he said as you studied his eyes for any signs of him being ingenuine; you couldn't find any.

your eyes softened as you leaned on the headboard.

“miy- atsumu.” you began quietly as his eyes admired your form. “it’s not that i don’t like you or anything, it's just- i don’t know if you’re my type.” you confessed as your heart hammered against your chest.

“well, you just called me by my first name, that’s gotta count for something right?”

you looked up at him and locked your eyes into his honest ones. you sat up and turned to face him as he took both of your hands into his.

“look, i get it, i’ve been annoying since day one-”

“-annoying is an understatement.” you cut in as atsumu playfully glared at you.

“rude. anyways as i was saying, i might’ve come across as a little too strong from the start, but there's just somethin’ about you. i just can’t seem to leave ya alone.” the blond confessed honestly as his warm, calloused hands held yours tightly.

“atsumu, i just don’t know.” you shook your head as he held onto your hands tightly. “i just don’t know what i’m looking for.”

“let me help ya find it in me then.” he pleaded softly, a small grin tugged at his lips.

you cast your eyes down to where your hands were being connected by him. the stir in your chest sped up as your heart was slamming against your chest at this point.

“atsumu i just-”

cutting you off, atsumu pulled your hands away from each other as he moved one up towards your jaw to cradle your face gently. dark golden eyes melting at the sight of you close up, atsumu pulled your face in closer to his and your heart just wouldn’t let you pull away. his lips finally met your own after what felt like an eternity and it was if yours were made to fit against his.

his hand moved towards the back of your neck as he encouraged you to move closer. you leaned closer letting your own hand find its way against atsumu’s broad chest.

the kiss deepened as you gave access to the setter’s tongue as he dominated your movements. small gasps and whines were heard in the silence of the parking lot as neither of you had it in your to pull away. atsumu’s hand was securely at the back of your neck with the other gripping your waist as you groaned at the slightly uncomfortable position.

pulling away, the two of you breathed heavily as you leaned back in the expensive leather seat as atsumu stared at you softly.

“what the fuck was that?”

“our first kiss as a couple.” atsumu teased but failed to stop the wide smile spread across his face.

“who said anything about being a couple?” you shot back as atsumu found your hand once more, lacing your fingers together tightly.

“your body language. you kissed back.”

“i-”

“msby setter miya atsumu as yer boyfriend, wow, arent’cha just the luckiest!”

you playfully hit his chest as he laughed.

“keep it up and that’ll be ex-boyfriend.”

atsumu’s eyes lit up as he grabbed your hand again and held it tightly.

“so ya admit it! i’m yer boyfriend!”

you giggled seeing how genuinely excited he was over it.

“for now.” you hummed as he pouted slightly.

you cupped his jaw and leaned to press a soft kiss to his cheek causing heat to rise to his face.

“let’s just, take this slow though okay?”

“don’t tell me that while sittin’ in this car.” he joked as you groaned against him.

you leaned back looking back into his bright eyes as his gaze softened.

“i’m kiddin’, we’ll go as fast as ya want, and i promise not to kill you on the way.”

you snickered as the blond beamed at you.

“i’m holding you to that.” you smiled as atsumu pulled your face in closer once more. leaning forward to better prepare yourself, you allowed yourself to melt into another deep kiss with the man you would now call your boyfriend.

you never saw yourself being with someone who took life at a fast pace. someone who demanded the world’s attention without verbally calling for it. you never saw yourself falling for someone like that.

but here you were, with the man who ticked all of those boxes easily. the type of man you insisted wasn’t your type, turned out to be the blueprint for your exact type; you just weren’t aware of it until miya atsumu insisted you did.

++TAGLIST! @crescenttooru @miss-angel-ash @sarahvvictoria @babierin @fxncyoomi @s0utien @toobsessedsstuff @omibaby @kenkodzu @sugabeaniee @lovesunas @slutawara @bunny-on-crack @shouyouorange @memorableminds @whootwhoot @yikes-buddy @sweetsamus

[lyndiscealin]

AFTG Collaboration Experiment

The story behind the story

This is highly inspired by this youtube artist collaboration: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rCpScnyLOh8&list=PLjvuq1J91QkZpevHWcdlMwFqaMX8fuq3L

An artist (ten hundred) started a painting on a canvas and gave this canvas to a fellow artist and that artist added to the original picture and then gave it to another fellow artist and so on. I highly recommend the video series, the picture isn’t finished yet.

As soon as I saw this, I thought I wanted to do this, too, but with writing. I quickly came to the realisation, that I should start smaller than just ‘any story’, because there are too many genres out there and I couldn’t come up with a beginning that was open enough so any author I admire could continue it. Starting a Slice of life romance story and giving it to a horror author just might not work. It could, of course, but it would be far more unlikely to turn out as something that worked.

So I decided to do this inside of a fandom. The AFTG Fandom is crazy creative and the one I am most involved in right now.

The rules are simple:

Look at what the other authors have written so far

Add something of your own

Document your thought process behind what you added and link it at the beginning of your piece (it can be a google doc, a tumblr blog or something else, as long as you can link to it)

Ask another author to continue this

Upload your piece to AO3 and give it to the collection (https://archiveofourown.org/collections/AFTG_Collaboration)

If you don’t have an AO3 account and don’t want to create one, write me on tumblr @lyndiscealin and we will figure something out.

Don’t forget to add the name of the next author at the end of your piece, so I can verify that the addition to the Collection is valid

Be as creative as you like, there are literally no restriction, as long as you don’t ‘overwrite’ things authors before you wrote already

If you write 18+ stuff post a summary, too, so people who are underage don't have a problem continuing the fic

A summary at the end of every piece would be great so the next authors don’t need to spend too much time rereading to search for major plot points

Any author is allowed to finish this, if they feel like it! No reason to hold back!

This should be self explanatory, but I will say it nevertheless: This is supposed to be fun, so no hate, no pressure, nothing that makes anyone uncomfortable. No one has any responsibility for whom he has given this work to. Which means that there is no policing and no asking ‘when will you finish your piece?’ or anything. You give this to the next person and that’s it.

So this was done and I created a Collection on AO3 for this: https://archiveofourown.org/collections/AFTG_Collaboration

This is an experiment. I hope it will work, but the nice thing about experiments is that even if it fails, you get something out of it.

I love to gather experience and even if this gets stuck right after my contribution, at least I tried it.

I’m a tiny bit nervous about this, because I saw too many times how people turned something good into something toxic, but we will see. I have trust in this fandom. We can do this. Let’s show the world what we can create!

But, how to start this?

The thought process

So I wanted something open enough that it was easy for nearly anyone to contribute. But even inside a fandom the diversity is very high. There are so many pairings, so many different interpretations.

I settled on Andreil as the main pairing, because it is by far the most popular and I trust people to not give this to someone who can’t work with it or for people to accept this without being able to contribute. I am a big believer in the concept of being responsible for yourself and trusting that people are able to be responsible for themselves.

So Andreil. But Andreil and then what?

What Scenario? What premise? How can I even give a premise without forcing others to follow that path? How can I keep the beginning open enough so others can be as creative with this as they want? Is there even a concept that allows that?

I was stuck.

The thing with a canvas and artist is that you have a canvas. If the canvas is full the picture is likely finished. Of course you can make more out of it, but in the beginning you have just a canvas. That in itself is hard enough to manage, but it is manageable. A far far universe without any direction is destined to get stuck somehwere. But I wanted this to be as creative and open as possible.

So I was completely stuck there.

Until today!!!

Because the Fandom is amazing and crazy and I love it so so much!

Some of you just presented me the perfect idea: Neil as a fanfiction author who writes about the Foxes.

Done. Perfect.

Why? Because this way you can contribute anything!!!!

You can contribute blog articles from Neil.

You can contribute news articles about the foxes.

You can contribute chat fics about Neil communicating with Andrew or someone else in the fandom.

You can even write a whole piece about Neil being on tumblr and AO3 interacting with his fans.

You can write the fanfiction that Neil is writing, so even if you are a JereJean fan, it is no problem at all to write a fanfiction about them and then let the next author write how the Foxes or Andrew or just fans reacted to it or whatever that author wants to make of it.

It’s really really perfect.

It gives me a canvas where I can outline some restrictions, give a bit of a path so the next author can do something with it, without restricting too much.

So what will I do?

I will write the end of the story and then go back to the beginning. I want to let the end be open enough so people can still contribute to it (if we ever get there). Like develop it in a Kandreil fic for example. Or add cats. Or whatever.

It doesn’t even have to be the end. Everyone is free to contribute anything, even a chapter after my ending. But it is at least some kind of frame. A good starting point.

So, I really am not a planner. Either an idea hits me or I can’t write. My idea is:

Start with the day Neil sees a tumblr post where someone theorizes ‘what if Neil was a fanfiction author and that is how he and Andrew met?’

He finds it very amusing, because it hits bullseye and he starts to drift off to the beginning of it all.

That’s it, that’s the idea. Let’s see how it will go from there.

The next author

I am in contact with some very very good authors. And I kind of want to ask them all to contribute. But there is one of them who had the displeasure of being online when this idea hit me and they got the full extent of me obsessing over an idea. And because they happen to be one of these great authors I asked them first. Additionally they were one of the contributors to the thread I linked above, so this was even more reason to ask them.

They said yes!!!

I am so excited and at the same time a bit sad I couldn’t ask the others. But I think eventually they will be part of the project, too. Hopefully.

I will reveal the next author at the end of the chapter^^

(I will reblog this with the first chapter, I just have to post this here first)

[theggning]

Codsworth Is So Underrated, You Guys

ALTERNATE TITLE: Codsworth and the Totally Understated Mindbending Evolution of Artificial Consciousness

I find Codsworth is often the most underrated of the 16 companions in Fallout 4. Your faithful robot butler is among the very first you can recruit and an excellent early-game ally, but he has a few disadvantages in gameplay that mean he’s often sent back to Sanctuary before long. Codsworth is a mid-to-close range fighter only, cannot wear armor or be equipped with weapons. He cannot be healed by stimpak, which makes him a liability if you’re playing on Survival mode. He has no companion quest of his own, so unless you particularly enjoy him there’s not a compelling reason to keep him for a long time. He also becomes recruitable exactly 2 minutes after adorable puppy Best Boy Dogmeat, so he is often (understandably) replaced just as soon as he’s made available.

But there is this great, completely understated facet to Codsworth, so understated that the game does not draw attention to it in any way. And yet, it is a wonderful reflection of many of the themes of Fallout 4 and, I believe, a pretty strong indication of its thesis statement.

Now what in the hell am I talking about?

Like many sci-fi/fantasy universes, the Fallout series is home to many highly-advanced robots. Robots were commonplace before the Great War, and many have survived the bombs intact and in working order. Others have been built or modified by wastelanders to serve various tasks (Percy, Ada.) The most important thing to understand about robots, though, is though they may have vivid personalities programmed in, they are widely accepted to be objects. They are thought of the same way as an appliance, a machine built for a specific purpose and programmed to follow a strict set of protocols.

Many jokes revolve around the relatively rigid intelligence of robots. Pre-War, many were deployed in inappropriate jobs or designed haphazardly (Mister Handies acting as nurses in a hospital, “paramedic” Protectrons with massive deadly tasers for hands, military robots constantly going haywire and erupting in friendly fire.) Others continue to man businesses and play out daily tasks as they were programmed to do over 200 years ago. Most robots are incapable of understanding anything beyond their initial programming, and most pre-War robots are completely unaware that the Great War ever happened.

When the Sole Survivor reunites with Codsworth at the ruins of their home, it seems like he, too, doesn’t understand what’s going on. He talks about tending the (dead) garden, references the (ghoulified) neighbors, and generally acts like the chipper robot butler Sole left behind on their way to Vault 111.

But there is something slightly… off in Codsworth’s dialogue here. Though he acts like the war never happened, he also specifically mentions details that suggest it did:

Player Default: Codsworth! You're still... fully operational?          

Codsworth: {Defiant} Well of course, mum. You can thank the fine engineers at General Atomics for that! At least, you could have. Had they not been... vaporized.

A bit over 210 actually, mum. Give or take a little for the Earth's rotation and some minor dings to the ole' chronometer. That means you're two centuries late for dinner! Ha ha ha. Perhaps I can whip you up a snack? You must be famished.

You've no idea the desperation for human contact one develops over 200 years. {Upset, recalling bad memories of encountering raiders and scavengers. / Disgust} And when you do encounter them? Oh the cruelty! You're either... target practice or... spare parts!

Even stranger, Codsworth mentions details that are plainly made-up (or some kind of delusion):

Codsworth: It's been ages since we've had a proper family activity. Checkers. Or perhaps charades. Shaun does so love that game. Is the lad... with you...?   

Player Default: Codsworth... listen to me carefully... have you seen him? Have you seen Shaun?              

Codsworth: Why, sir had him last, remember? Perhaps he's gone to the Parker residence to arrange a play-date?

(Shaun is an infant. He is too young to play charades or to go to the neighbors for a play-date.)

So at once, Codsworth does and does not acknowledge the war. He does and does not seem to understand what’s happened, and he does and does not seem to follow Sole’s urgency regarding their spouse’s death and Shaun’s kidnapping.

And then, after a speech check, Codsworth finally snaps and breaks down sobbing in despair. Not only does he understand that the war happened, he has developed the ability to get depressed about it. Longing for human contact and with nothing else to do, he’s even developed coping mechanisms to help him try to deal with his loneliness and despair—futilely trying to do his chores and deluding himself into pretending everything is completely normal.

Wait a minute. Sobbing? Despair? Depression? Coping mechanisms and delusions? This Is all pretty sophisticated stuff to be programmed into a robot, and if you spend more time with Codsworth, the reality of what’s happened to him becomes apparent:

Codsworth has evolved beyond his programming. In his 210 lonely years of existence, he has developed emotional reactions and self-awareness far beyond that of most other robots, and, indeed, has basically evolved an artificial consciousness.

“Emergent intelligence” is the theoretical ability of an AI to eventually develop something resembling human thought processes, and it seems that our dear Codsworth has undergone this. Traveling with him, he displays many sophisticated thoughts and behaviors far beyond what most robots are shown to be capable of. He has memories of pre-War time and places, and understands how various locations have changed. He is capable of learning new information and forming opinions on it, gaining his own understanding of the people and factions in the Commonwealth. He can feel happiness, sorrow, fear, disgust. He can anticipate things, predict danger and imagine how people might respond to your actions. The mere he fact he has opinions and a moral code that he applies to you shows he has free will, something even other robot companions don’t (Ada has a personality, but absolutely does not care about your actions.)

He’s also smart enough to make many wry observational jokes, and to lay one hell of a sick burn on you:

{Joking - Found an old bowling alley. / Amused} Fancy a game, mum? Something tells me the bumpers are no longer available.

 Codsworth’s intelligence is even more sophisticated than that. He displays stunning self-awareness, frequently referencing the fact he is a robot and what that means. He is very proud of his background as General Atomics’ finest, and seems pleased with his robot nature and his lot in life. (Unlike Curie, I don’t think Codsworth would ever really want to gain a synth body. He seems quite happy as he is.)

Here he is making reference to still feeling the tug of his programming:

{Seeing an office with chairs arranged in a circle. / Neutral} I've the most incredible urge to rearrange those chairs in a more perfect circle.

Understanding when other robots are restricted by theirs:

A pity. It appears Deezer's programming is too severe to allow for normal conversation. Ah well.

And when they’re actually not:

Codsworth: Greetings, sir. Good to see another robot in town. That chef hat becomes you.

Takahashi: Nan-ni shimasho-ka?

Codsworth: Takahashi you say? I'm Codsworth, a pleasure to make your acquaintance.

Takahashi: Nan-ni shimasho-ka?              

Codsworth: Is that so? Well, we both know RobCo is no General Atomics. It's not surprising it failed, shoddy work and all.  {Friendly - trying to cheer up another robot. / Friendly} Chin up, though. Never know when parts may turn up.

 And here’s Galaxy Brain Codsworth ruminating on his own state of being and contemplating his nature:

{Disappointed that he can't be 100% human sometimes. / Sad} It's unfortunate that I lack the proper design to consume liquids. Something about camaraderie over a few drinks is very inviting.            

I suppose if I had the hardware, I'd have the software as well. I'd hate to see how that'd affect my honesty and manner settings.

{Reconsidering what he thought was a good idea. / Thinking} Indeed. Perhaps I should rethink my initial desire.

Hilariously, Codsworth does not seem fully aware of how remarkable his intelligence is. He occasionally says things like “if I had feelings” and “if I could feel things,” indicating that in some ways he still believes he is only a robot and defines himself by what a robot is and does.

But as we can see, our humble robot butler has essentially evolved to become the smartest, most emotionally intelligent and person-like robot in the Commonwealth*, and potentially in the series.

([SIDE NOTE: Other FO4 robots nearing Codsworth’s level of consciousness and developed personality include Captain Ironsides, KLE-O, Whitechapel Charlie, and perhaps Takahashi. Curie is close, but also receives the unfair advantage of being uploaded into a synth body with a human brain. Jezebel also functions off of a human brain. Nick is not a robot, he’s a synth (though he does jokingly refer to himself as one) and also has the advantage of a human brain encoded on his processor.])

Also hilariously, the game basically does not acknowledge Codsworth’s impressive evolution. At all. There is absolutely no direct mention of it in the script. It is all left to ambient dialogue and the player’s own observations. And because so many people overlook Codsworth as a companion, they may not even realize exactly how unique his expanded consciousness is.

Now, you might call this total lack of mention a mistake, an oversight on Bethesda’s part, or that old chestnut “bad writing.” I don’t think it is. I think it’s a deliciously subtle little detail to include in a story about humanity, machines, artificial intelligence, and what makes a person.

Many of the themes of FO4 revolve around synths—distinctly not robots, but androids, artificially created beings with fully organic human bodies. Most of the storyline factions have strong beliefs about synths and the relative humanity thereof. The Institute believes that synths are objects, tools, machines no different from a robot who are only simulating their personalities through programming. The Brotherhood believes synths are monstrous abominations, a danger to humanity itself, technology run amok which needs to be destroyed. The Railroad believes they are people. Not humans, but people, built instead of born, free-thinking beings that deserve to be treated with respect and given rights.

Through quests, dialogue, notes, worldbuilding and other venues, players explore these questions. What makes someone a person? If your personality and memories can be rewritten or programmed, then who are you, really? Where do we draw the line between humans and machines, and how do we decide who belongs where?

Meanwhile, as the player contemplates the nature of personhood and the definition of intelligence, their robot butler quietly evolves into a fully-conscious person on his own, right beside them.

Codsworth is unquestionably a machine, but also unquestionably beyond the appliance he was built to be. Which to some philosophies and players should really beg a few other questions. If a robot can be considered a person, then what makes synths so different? And how many excuses do we have to make to pretend otherwise?

Ya boy Codsworth may not be flashy, or powerful, or kissable. He may not be the most glamorous companion around. But he is a good friend, a beloved member of the family, and above all else, a loyal butler—content to serve, quietly and humbly doing his job where some may never even notice him-- or the fact that he’s casually become his own person and sent generations of roboticists and philosophers spinning in their graves.