#things i wished someone would've said to me when i was young.. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

thinkinonsense · 2 months ago

Note

forgive if it’s a bit scatterbrained but hear me out… some sort of reverse corruption w old man!logan >///< i just feel like he won’t be the type of guy who’d immediately be into having a thing w young!reader. i feel like he won’t even take it seriously at first or there’s def gonna be more resistance from him, he’d probably feel initially repulsed by the idea of even beginning to think of them that way given how young they are. but reader is bold bold, so they’re gonna keep pushing and pushing until they’ve got him where they want him. but even if she’s practically sinking down on him, logan is still probably gonna be like “fuck’s wrong with you, huh? old enough to be your fucking grandfather, kid. c’mon, you don’t really want this.”

poor old man’s just too decent for his own good :(

old man!logan x young bold fem!reader *mdni

logan couldn't stand you. how young and ambitious you were; how you couldn't just take no as a fuckin' answer. you thought it was cute but logan found it rather obnoxious. you were persistent with your attraction towards the older man; frequenting the only bar in town that logan was still welcomed in.

"what are we drinking tonight, lo?" your voice was a siren song that he wished he could turn off.

"whiskey." he mumbles against the glass.

the mean glare he sent your way would've made anyone else run in fear, but not you. instead smiling up at him with bambi eyes. at first, logan thought you were just dumb, not picking up on his signals but as it turned out, you're just stubborn.

every friday night, you sat on the stool next to him. you should've been flirting with guys your age by the pool table but no, you would rather get rejected by the old man who drinks alone. at one point even the bartenders started to think that you two were together which logan quickly shut down.

"c'mon, at least let me pretend that i'm yours," you whine, swirling around your second fruity drink tonight.

"you don't want to 'be mine', kid," he said in a stern voice, similar to one you would use on a child who won't behave.

"aaand...why not?" you ask him, crossing your arms and already getting pissy. "don't gimme that bullshit about you being 'too old' either."

"has anyone ever told you that you're-"

"pretty? hilarious? tight? yeah, a few times actually."

logan sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. he tries to give you some sympathy but there's only so many times that you can burn your hand on the stove until you learn your lesson.

"look, cherry..." logan sets his glass down. you adored when he called you, cherry because that meant he was paying attention to you and what you drank, always having to top it off with a cherry. "i'm probably your grandfather's age-"

"don't care." you interrupt him, leaning forward to stare into his eyes and run a hand through his hair. "your grey hair is so hot, lo. should let me pull on it sometime."

logan was finding it more difficult to resist you. almost letting out a groan when you pull slightly. logan could smell your arousal forming; clouding his vision.

"why don't you throw your panties in someone else's direction, huh? i'm sure those boys over there wouldn't mind." logan snarls, getting fed up with your attitude.

it wasn't that he didn't find you attractive, quite the opposite really. maybe if he was younger or you were older then he wouldn't mind your flirty personality so much but that's not the way that the world works. logan is -whether or not he wants to admit it- old and he didn't have time to put up with your whiney shit.

"okay." you shrug, getting up from the barstool.

logan doesn't believe that you'll actually go talk to those boys. in one minute your ass will be back here annoying him. he was sure of it.

then ten minutes passed and giggles were still falling from your lips. nothing the guys said was actually funny but you played it up to look better. there was one guy who you actually didn't mind talking to; both of you went to the same college and shared the same major. for a second, you'd completely forgotten about the man burning holes into your side.

the two of you talked for a while, exchanging stories while you leaned against the pool table in your tiny cut-off shorts. logan watched those boys gawk at you; staring everywhere but your face.

"i know right! her class was horrible! all she did was-" your words fell short when someone grabbed your upper arm, attempting to pull you away from the guy, who you think his name was josh, or john, or jake? you couldn't really remember and you definitely didn't care.

"c'mon kid, i'll give you a ride home." logan growled in your ear.

"oh, it's okay!" you chirp like a little bird at him. "think i'll find another way home tonight."

it's just a facade, logan told himself. you were just trying to prove a point. always stubborn.

"i'm not messing 'round, kid-"

"leave her alone, old man." the kid interrupted, giving logan a push.

logan snarls, about to teach this boy a lesson but you are faster; heel-kicking him in the nuts. the boy hunched over, allowing you to be ear level with him.

"fuck off." you spit, angrily before walking away.

logan looked at you completely dumbfounded. he had no other choice than to follow you blindly outside of the bar. he found you leaning against his truck; under the dim street light, logan would've misplaced you for some angelic figure.

"mind takin' me home, lo?" you ask him, for once not acting like some horny little rabbit towards him.

he nods, fishing out his keys. you give him directions to your apartment. the silence in the car makes you think logan's mad at you for real this time. you pushed it too far, embarrassing him and yourself this time. logan wasn't this dirty old perv who would actually give you the time of day, and maybe it was time for you to face that reality.

"i just wanted to say sorry for everything." your voice is low and quiet. afraid logan won't even acknowledge you. "i know that i should've left you alone a long time ago. you wouldn't want someone like me anyway-"

the car came to a dead halt in the driveway. logan turns to face you and you fear the worst; afraid he will yell at you.

"do you seriously think i wouldn't want you?" he asks. "you haven't left my mind since the day we bumped into each other at the bar and i spilled my whisky down your shirt. remember that, cherry?"

you nod, carefully. that day was imprinted in your mind. your friends and you were celebrating your birthday when logan bumped into you at the bar on accident. he frantically apologized for ruining your white shirt which you suggested for him to lick you clean. it had been so long since someone had flirted with him that he didn't know how to react.

"i'd never seen someone look so pretty and sticky at the same time." logan's hand gently caresses your cheek.

"could've seen it more often if you had fucked me like i wish you would've." the words fall out without pressure, making logan smirk. no matter how much you tried, you were desperate for him.

"you've got one dirty fuckin' mouth, cherry."

"it gets dirtier than that."

"hmm... don't know if that's possible."

"i could show you if you like."

the offer hangs hot in the truck. logan leans back into his seat, asking for forgiveness on what he's about to do. three light taps on his thigh and you crawl right into it.

"atta fuckin' girl, cherry." he groans as you grind against his crotch and bite on his neck.

"also for the record, the only person i want to have my panties is you, logan." you purred in his ear, referring back to your earlier conversation at the bar.

"i know, sweetheart. i know." he chuckles, watching you kick off your shorts and underwear.

once your back in his lap, you unbuckle his belt and wait eagerly for him to have his way with you. yet, logan doesn't offer anything.

"if you want to fuck an old man like me then you need to get used to doin' all the work, cherry." he says, half-joking. "can't keep up with an eager little thing like you."

you knew his game. to scare you off by acting like an asshole but you didn't mind doing the work to get what you want.

"fine with me." you smile, hands inching towards the glasses that hang on his button-down. "can't forget these, want you to see what you do to me."

logan groaned when you pulled him out of his pants, pumping him a few times before aligning him to your entrance. he was a bit bigger than you would've guessed, only making you wetter. just as you are about to sink down onto him, logan stops you, holding your hips in the air.

"fuck's wrong with you, cherry? you still want this, huh?" he taunts you, only getting a whine from you in response. "such a desperate little thing."

"p-p-please, logan." your hips wiggle against his tight grip. "want you... need you."

without another word, he lowers you down onto his length. both of you moan at the adjustment. your nails claw at logan's shoulders and you feel him twitch inside of you at the pain.

"happy now?" logan groaned, watching you bounce up and down on your own. his hands stayed on your waist, squeezing at the fat of your hips. "got what you fuckin' wanted."

"mhm..." you nod along dumbly agreeing to whatever he says. too busy trying to get his white button-down off of him. frustrated, you break open all the buttons.

once his chest was exposed, you litter it with kisses and dark bruises. for the first time, logan was happy that his healing abilities were slowing down so now he can admire your artwork longer. you grab both of his giant palms bringing one hand to your chest and taking the other thumb into your mouth, licking the pad of it before moving it down to your clit. tracing circles in a way that made your head fall back with your mouth wide open.

"do you always get this wet for older men or is it just for me, sweetheart?" logan asked, fist full of your hair.

"j-just you, lo..." you gasp.

logan's lips found your jaw, kissing up to your chin before capturing your lips. he wasn't a fan of fruity drinks but he loved the taste they left in your mouth. your backs against the wheel lazily and logan can tell that your orgasm is approaching.

"don't give up now, cherry." he teased. "you were doing so good, being a perfect little slut in my lap. what happened to her?"

you were too fucked out to say anything back and he knew it. logan finally took pity on you and started pistoling into you, listening to every pretty curse word that fell from your trembling lips.

"where do you want me, sweetheart?" logan grunts in your ear, pulling at the lobe as you come down from your high.

"inside, please."

that's all logan needed to hear to spill inside of you. the warmth indescribably flooded you. the two of you collapse in each other's arms, collecting yourself for a few minutes.

"told you, i'm a good fuck." you told him, looking up at him with messy hair and an unapologetic smile.

"didn't doubt you," he says, mirroring your smile as he moves some pieces of hair from your forehead. maybe logan could see you being a permanent person in his life.

"and to think..." your words drift off as you start to move again, feeling him get hard again inside of you. "we are just getting started."

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lyrefromthesea · 3 months ago

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Hey idk if my ask was at the end so idk if you still know it.

I would like to request the hashiras x taller/same height reader if that’s ok?

thank you <3

Hashira x reader - Tall for what?

pairing: Tengen x reader, Obanai x reader, Rengoku x reader, Sanemi x reader, Giyuu x reader, Gyomei x reader, Shinobu x reader, Mitsuri x reader

content warning: none

Tengen:

• he's READY. he met you and his first reaction was "gods, what?!" without a doubt, he'll walk around you like you're a painting, taking in all your features.

• the moment he's finished his only thought is "flashy!" he will ask what kind of clothes you wear, if you want your demon slayer uniform to look more flashy too. a person like you must be seen!

• more than excited when you meet his wives, watching their eyes go 'o' when they see someone taller than their husband. and you're so nice too! they instantly begin sharing his enthusiasm.

Obanai:

• used to people being taller than him, it wasn't anything special. what really got him going is that YOU seemed to notice the height difference.

• are you looking down at him? no, that's not it. do you not take him seriously as a hashira? he was there longer than you, wrong answer. the secret is revealed when you smiled at him one day.

• "you have a really handsome face, i wish my eyes looked like that." great, his brain stopped working. he found a way to leave the conversation in a matter of moments.

• at least he tries talking to you more often now.

Rengoku:

• "it is my pleasure to meet you!" he's enthusiastic. a new pillar? and your handshake was strong! it didn't take much to engage in a long conversation with him.

• you learn that he's not surprised about your height, but admires you nonetheless. when he said it's a pleasure to meet you, he was serious, he would be happy to engage in more conversations with you.

• really happy when he hears that you're assigned to a mission with him - he was curious to see your breathing style. and it's perfect, it resembles your inner being.

Sanemi:

• he would've ignored you, it wasn't a shame to be smaller than a person or two. he is smaller than his younger brother anyway. then you talked back and let me tell you, he is STRESSED.

• your little remark quickly turns into a heated conversation. the distance between you two closes, foreheads bumping together. that's the moment he stops.

• he will never admit it, but your fierce and determined gaze, the fact you're looking down at him. "whatever", pushes you away and leaves without another word. the blush spreading over his face was luckily not seen by anyone.

Giyuu:

• seeing that you're taller than him, isn't something he really ponders about. you joined the hashira, you are a pillar the other slayers look up to, you are strong. that's everything he needs to know, right? wrong.

• you start talking to him - actually try to hold a conversation - he can't even run away. how come you're taller than him and always manage to sneak right into his personal space?

• but it's okay, he learns that he loves you and you love him. though he must admit, when you pulled him closer once, resting your chin on his shoulder, he felt a shiver run up his body. better not tell you, otherwise it will become a habit.

Gyomei:

• he's surprised, positively. when a hashira meeting was held and he felt an unfamiliar presence next to him, he became wary, looking to the side. he was expecting to hear a new voice, but he would've assumed it to come from anywhere but above his head.

• you're just a bit taller than him, but that was more than enough. even reaching his height was a surprise, but being taller? anyone would be flabbergasted. he was certainly glad when you turned out to be a gentle giant in disguise.

• truthfully, you were surprised to find out he was a gentle being too. the young demon slayers always get the creeps when they see two giants walk past them, looking intimidating until the smallest thing coaxes a smile out of them.

Shinobu:

• she's used to people being taller than her. you weren't necessarily tall, not like Gyomei or Tengen, but you weren't on the small side either. she's glad to be your friend.

• her actual focus on your height was your fault to begin with. she's minding her own business, working in the butterfly mansion, when you come over to help her. she's initially happy, but a vein nearly pops out of her neck when you laugh about having to get the boxes from the top shelf.

• now she relentlessly calls you out using your height when you do something stupid. "maybe the gods should've tried to add more brain than tallness."

"maybe someone's pissed there wasn't enough height for them." you are quick to run away. in an hour or two, she will be calm enough to not poison you.

Mitsuri:

• "wah! the new pillar!" she's in love with you - your looks, your presence, your personality. she's sure that you would instantly catch her eye in a room full of people.

• and then you talk to her and everything seemed great. she truly fell in love with you when you complimented her hair, called her a natural beauty. nobody was surprised when the two of you entered a relationship.

• one of her favorite things is getting picked up by you. she has fun telling you that you're tall and strong and just perfect for her. and of course, you enjoy telling her the same.

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throwaway-yandere · 11 months ago

Text

𝙙𝙚𝙖𝙩𝙝 𝙝𝙖𝙨 𝙣𝙤 𝙙𝙞𝙜𝙣𝙞𝙩𝙮 (Yandere!Neuvillette/Reader)

a/n: this was inspired by my favorite childhood TV show, House MD & Oedipus Rex. The plot was supposed to be something else but dingleaf happened one 4AM ago. Anyways, welcome to our first Throwaway-Thursday this End of Year Blues!!!

Unreliable Synopsis: Everyone held their breath when they heard ex-defense attorney (Y/n) say these words: "Your Honor, I would like to challenge Champion Duelist Clorinde to clear my charges."

CW: yandere themes, reader has so much spite I can fry an egg, hurt/NO COMFORT. Please prioritize your mental health if these CWs are triggering to you. (Note: The plot happens a month before the Fontaine AQ, so he doesn't know about what happened to Vautrin.)

“Why the pale expression? Has the trial last week caused you tremendous pain?”

"Such pallor is caused by pity, not grief.” Neuvilette made his fragile excuse to reassure Furina, but the words did not reach her ears. The ringing of raindrops outside was louder, more convincing. Fontaine is vexed with storms near-daily. The sad verdant earth will soon sponge and dry the hydro dragon’s tears as always, but every man hopes they won’t drown first.

At first, he was convinced what he harbored was pity. For the pessimists, Fontaine is a nation where virtuous pagans paraded themselves as rich and devoted ran amok. Absolute justice is a cartoonish ideal– lack of entertainment is the death sentence.

Lady Furina was starting to believe he lives his life by a certain suspect’s final envoi:

Count no man happy till he dies, free of pain at last.

"Are you insane?!" Navia held your shoulders, eyes wide.

This was the worst thing you could ever do to your best friend.

"Maybe I am." You told her, chuckling slightly as your thumbs caressed the nerves behind her palms. Navia, as intimidating as her occupation was, never once gripped you this hard.

You wish you could hug her fully.

But these prison bars are holding you back.

"Can you blame me, Nav?"

"Don't." She glared. "Don't do this."

Navia trembled.

"Please, don't follow Dad..."

The blonde woman was reduced to a young, hopeless girl. You saw a reflection of the small Navia who lost Callas, and that short glimpse was stretched into a whole tragic spectacle.

"I'm begging you, (Y/n). Please… d-don't go away. Don't leave me too…"

This was the cruelest you've ever been to someone you love.

But also the kindest you've been to yourself.

"There's nothing else I can do, Nav."

"W-We can always do something! There must be a way!" She screamed gutturally. "We'll find a way to make that Chief Justice pay instead. If there's a will—"

"But there's none. There is no will in me left."

"Then hold on to mine, for Archon's sake! Depend on me!"

"What for? We both lack the means to grasp our Archon's hand." You shook your head, grinning without life.

You wiped the tears off her cheeks. In a small fraction of time, you trembled, showing a bit of soul.

"Our Goddess has abandoned me. Everyone and everything but you had." You said. "Dear Navia, don't make this harder for yourself. Let me go."

"(Y/n)..."

Her grip relaxed.

Navia finally let go.

But that was not the scene's last word.

Clorinde sprinted towards your cell, seething in electric rage. Navia stepped back. Their relationship might be less than cordial, but Clorinde was also your friend.

And after all these years of friendship, she never would've guessed you would elicit such melancholic frustration within her.

She knows she'll come out of this duel victorious.

She knows if she doesn't say a word, she'll be the one to bury you six feet under.

Clorinde's fists clenched and her breathing grew harsh and difficult, unable to accept your inhumane gaze.

"Is this your solution, (Y/n)?"

From the tone of her voice, this would not be a pleasant conversation. One wrong word, and you'll see a side of the Champion Duelist not even her court opponents knew.

You nodded.

"Yes."

"State your reason."

"Because this is the only way I'll die with dignity."

…

"Die… with dignity?"

Something inside her cracked.

"Yes." You nodded again, becoming uncertain. "At least with this, there would be something Neuvillette cannot decide for me. And (Y/n) (L/n) chooses a dignified death."

“DEATH HAS NO DIGNITY!!!”

You and Navia flinched at the sudden sound.

Clorinde screamed, feeling her eyes burn. Her veins became more prominent in her face and her skin reddish. The sheer force of her scream was enough to bring your full attention to her, yet to the duelist, her uncharacteristic outburst meant nothing.

“DEATH WILL ALWAYS BE UGLY!!! DEATH– DEATH IS NEVER BEAUTIFUL!!! IT IS ALWAYS SINISTER— LOATHSOME AND VILE.”

"Clor—"

She pulled you by your collar.

“There– there is only dignity in living.” She trembled, casting her gaze down. “You can live with dignity– but you can’t die with it.”

For a while, only her unsteady breathing could be heard.

Clorinde eventually calmed down, her heavy sighs and frantic pants slowing as the red hue of her face somewhat returned to its usual pale complexion. She couldn’t afford a second more to process her growing grief.

"Find another duelist."

As a successor to the Marechaussee Hunters, there's no one else you need but her.

"But I want you."

"(Y/n)."

"You've always been my idol, Clorinde." You told her solemnly. "I always thought you at least made my clients have a clean death under your blade."

Clorinde paused.

That, she cannot deny.

She did spare mercy to the people you defended. But she doesn't understand how you fail to comprehend why she couldn't bear to bring herself to enact the same reprieve for you.

"Retrieve your gloves. I don't and I won't accept your challenge." Clorinde closed her eyes. "Live your days in the Fortress instead. Death is not the solution."

You laughed. As if you'd let yourself be under Wriothesley's guidance when you can smell from miles away that he's one of Neuvillette's lap dogs.

"Isn't this suffering enough?" You spoke with a casual lack of self-preservation. "I don't want to live under Neuvillette's scrutinizing eyes. Not anymore."

You looked up.

That empty smile was no longer on your face.

And that was somehow more frightening than it should be.

"So do your job as a champion and end it all, just like what you've done to Uncle Callas and the others."

Your last conversation with the Duke was not as memorable as when he caught you spiking the Iudex’s cup, yet you’d give his personality credit where it is due. His was certainly a memorable one.

Wriothesley stood a few steps away from the bars while you purposefully cornered yourself. The distance was noticeable. It was clear that neither of you was close to each other. This was mere formality brought about by one of your should’ve-been victims.

“So, you sure don’t want to be roommates?” Wriothesley asked. "Or you know, see old friends and family down there?"

"I'd rather not disappoint them with my presence."

“So, you're a coward?" He asked, intending to provoke you.

"Maybe?" you answered, mimicking his tone. "Wouldn't know. Last time I checked, I was an honorable defense attorney. But suddenly, the Iudex had a change of heart."

"Neuvillette didn't have a change of heart. You are a terrorist."

You laughed sardonically, "suppose so."

You both weren't entirely wrong. Friends and foe alike know you've turned to rebellion after the justice system had failed you repeatedly. Neuvillette's lovestruck fixation was merely the final straw.

“You’re walking on a death sentence.”

“No shit,” you clicked your tongue and continued. “What else do you think this is for?”

“The Iudex was convinced that you’re acting out because you had a guilty conscience, and he’s very willing to drop those charges and forgive you.”

“Guilty conscience?! HA!!!” You laughed. “As if I felt guilty for what I’ve done. If anything, I’m rejoicing.”

Wriothesley smirked, but it faded quickly.

“I told him the same, but then he says if that were true, you’re probably just masking it to play the villain’s part.”

“Do you believe every word he says?”

“No,” Wriothesley did not hesitate to answer. “I know a criminal when I see one. And I also know when a criminal can get away with their mess.”

“The jury thinks otherwise– the oratrice cannot be wrong.” You snickered. “I’m as guilty as they come, hands filled with arsenic and all.”

"You can still get out of this. Sure, you'll get a stern talking-to— a lecture on the virtue of honor and respect. But in the end, he'd give you a second chance. He's still hoping that a mutual agreement will arise in the end."

You expressed your disinterest with a droopy-eyed “Blah, blah, blah…”

Wriothesley frowned.

“You’ll make him depressed.”

You raised an eyebrow.

“And you think I care? Fontaine can flood next month. Just as long as I die tomorrow it’s none of my business.”

…

“Well, it’s your call,” Wriothesley said. “If you’re willing to throw your life away like that, then you probably wouldn’t survive a week underwater.”

He wrapped a hand around one of the bars.

“You know, (Y/n),” the Duke looked at you dead in the eye. “Marriage with the Iudex isn’t as bad as you’re making it out to be.”

You laughed.

“What makes you say that?” You smiled through gritted teeth. “Are you his second spouse?”

“I’m just saying,” he shrugged. “You could’ve just lived a bit more silently.”

You glared.

“Are you saying I should live like a caged bird? That I should accept that our system here is rigged?”

“I’m saying you should’ve been more grateful with what you have.”

You scoffed.

“Wow.”

An awkward silence followed after. It wasn’t as if a quip was hard to form– but the historical context behind whom you were speaking to made weighing empathy over spite a challenge. You knew of his past, his name or lack thereof, and quiet allegiance to Neuvillette. Sigewinne had made sure you knew of it to glorify the adoptive “father” of the Melusines. Wriothesley owes him his survival.

But "Wriothesley" of all people should've known that those who know morbid truths cannot be silenced forever.

And Neuvillette owes you a peaceful death.

… The Duke sighed, noticing that his admiration for the Iudex did not align with his current morals.

“We’ll forever agree to disagree on this, won’t we?” He asked.

“Hopefully not forever, I don’t want to stay here for much longer.”

Wriothesley chuckled at your morbid joke. But before he could walk away with a less-than-heavy heart, you shifted from your corner.

“Hey, Wriothesley?”

He turned to look at you– your hand specifically.

It’s a letter.

“Mind handing these to the authorities?”

Wriothesley’s eyes widened.

“Is that–”

“It’s a written confession,” you chuckled. “Don’t ask me how I got a pen and paper. I know that damn bastard forbids anyone to lend me anything that’ll help me write a final will. Gotta say, at least his etiquette lessons had some use. At least my last words are in pretty cursive.”

He didn’t say another word.

…

The Duke left the room, empty-handed.

…

No one wants to see the Iudex more heartbroken than he already is now.

The interrogation room was small, but not to the point that there was a minimal budget for its construction. You sat on one end behind the glass divider after one of the guards took your letter. There were only plain walls and two lightbulbs on the ceiling. At the center of the room is a table with two chairs on either side, no pen or paper.

Nothing but an empty table.

But the quiet comfort was gone when the man of the hour closed the door behind him. As the ticking of the clock becomes more softer, the two individuals would be forced to sit for the duration of this “interrogation.”

It was none other than your husband, the Iudex, the Chief Justice of Fontaine, and the bane of your existence.

Monsieur Neuvillette.

His back was straight; his eyes, “stern” and focused. He clasped his hands together, fingers intertwined. His gaze searched for something— regret, remorse, anything that could make the upcoming nightmare disappear.

Neuvillette's voice was “calm” and “collected.”

But you didn’t buy it. Not with his messy hair, his forlorn look, his frown. You rarely saw him cry. You had a gut feeling he hides it by standing amidst heavy rain, but this time the redness of his eyes and puffiness of his cheeks says it all.

It’s a heavy downpour outside.

He can’t be bothered to hide his tears from the public eye anymore.

"In your own words, please explain why you had attempted to poison me."

Your eyes lit up. He immediately wished he could take those words back.

So, he’s still in denial. Neuvillette seriously didn’t think you wrote the letter. He probably didn’t think it was your handwriting. It was almost insulting.

“Oh, Monsieur! You are as generous as they say, finally letting your spouse speak for themselves!” You grinned sarcastically. “And they say chivalry is dead! DEAD!!!”

He cringed at your pointed enthusiasm.

You recount the day you attempted to murder him, describing how you had slipped the poison into his favorite cup. How you didn’t really care to hope it wouldn’t be noticed since what mattered more to you was his death over your own freedom. The more detailed you became, the more it suffocated him.

“But, as you can see, you’re alive and I am behind this glass window,” you tapped the divider. “Away from you, at last.”

He bit his lip.

“(Y/n)—”

“I hate you.”

He breathed in shakily.

“I know.”

“And yet you still fell for it.” Your voice suddenly softened.

“Why?” You continued. “Why did you believe my act for the past month? I know you had your suspicions, so why? You knew I was just playing along to get your guard down– to act like some loving housewife so I can find the opportunity to smother you with a pillow– so… why?”

“Maybe…”

Neuvillette took a deep breath.

“Maybe it’s because dying by your hands would be a dignified way to go.”

Your eyes widened. The air turned to glue. Breathing became a challenge.

He looked up, meeting your gaze. Monsieur Neuvillette was serious. No shifting position can make you feel comfortable.

Because Neuvillette in his most sincere form of speech is the most brutal.

“I just wished to be loved by y-you,” his voice cracked. “Even for a moment, even for a lie, I would die to know I was loved by you.”

His face crumpled, tears flowing freely. He reached a hand out against the glass window, his palm marking the divider. Neuvillette was breathing erratically, desperate to hold you. The pain in his chest was getting heavier, much like the rain outside. You almost couldn’t hear him from all the background noise, and you wished that was what happened.

This was the man who took your clients' happiness. The man who took Uncle Callas away with his rationale. The reason for your unhappiness.

And yet, you couldn't think of any other person who would love you as much as he does.

“Y-You know me for who I-I am,” he gasped out. “I am but a weak and beaten down man w-who couldn’t express himself like a human being. Y-You were there, you comforted me with not a smile, an umbrella, or thoughtless words of encouragement— you accepted me for who I was with a warm embrace.”

You hated it.

You hate how your heart ached for the man that made your life a living hell.

“I was the leader of the Revolution and I needed intel against you, nothing more.” You spat. This time, you were the least convincing one. “It was an act of kindness I shouldn’t have done.”

“Yet it has helped me more than you had accounted for.”

“And never before have I ever regretted playing savior.”

“I was merely attempting to reform your life,” Neuvillette breathlessly spoke. “I wished to set you on the right path. You were a gifted individual with great connections. Your peers had high expectations of you. For you to throw that away for nonsense activism— no— terrorism is heartbreaking. And I—”

Neuvillette gulped.

“I didn’t want to face you on the other side of the courtroom.”

You laughed.

“Some things are just fated to happen,” you said. “An old astrologist told me that. She told me I was bound to get myself in deep legal trouble. Growing up, I figured it might as well be a cause worth doing if it’ll lead me to that path eventually. Why else did I become a defense attorney in such a hellishly political land?”

He trembled, tears falling at a faster rate.

You almost wanted to reach out and wipe those tears away.

Almost.

“Must you treat your life as though it is disposable?” Neuvillette asked, choking slightly. “Why are you…”

You digressed. “You’re not going to retract those charges are you?”

“I did.”

You frowned.

“But Lady Furina would not allow it,” he shook, frustrated. “She found out about your past, your hatred for her so-called incompetences and published lese-majestes.”

“Good for her, good for her.”

Neuvillette’s hand slowly slid down.

“I can’t… I cannot watch this…”

You felt a surge of confidence, for Neuvillette was indeed devoid of hope. You've never seen him with his head hung low. What went through Neuvillette's mind remained uncertain. Perhaps, just a small piece of him knew you could never be his. Perhaps he knew that you were destined for a doomed fate.

But it doesn't matter.

All that mattered was that you were free.

That was a month ago.

The rain had been going on nonstop for thirty days, and the Hydro Archon had every right to worry.

“I can’t sleep…” Neuvillette thought he spoke out loud, but it was just a whisper. He’s growing weak, his sleep deprivation catching up to him.

“Then come lay your head down,” she yawned slightly, fanning her breath. “Such heavy thoughts need a place to rest.”

“An irresistible offer,” Neuvillette mused humorlessly. “But I must decline.”

“Oh Neuvillette, when will you relax from this role you carry?” The archon spoke rhetorically.

Neuvillette chuckled sadly.

The heavy downpour wouldn’t stop.

Perhaps…

Perhaps when the day comes and he is stripped of dignity.

Maybe then, he’ll have his rest.

Neuvillette had already forgotten why he was crying that fateful day. But in those memories, he recalls he was callow and unformed. Was it due to an unfavorable trial? The problem evades him. His recollection remains only in how the people reacted around him. Many asked if he was okay and he'd reply with a simple "I'm fine". And he was, until he could no longer convince himself with that lie. He was certain he was about to dip his toes in another cycle of nihilism.

And then you came.

“Monsieur Neuvillette?”

The rain was pouring out in the cemetery. You were there; your presence questionable. He knew that you arrived intending to probe whether or not he was a sovereign dragon, but he gave you the nod of acknowledgment.

“Greetings, Mx. (Y/n),” he answered, “I trust you’ve been well? Is there a person whom you’re visiting?”

He asked in sheer politeness despite knowing your motivations.

“...”

You frowned.

“How long?”

“Pardon?”

“How long have you been carrying that loneliness, Monsieur?” You asked, voice louder. “How long?”

His lip quivered.

“Centuries, perhaps,” the Iudex thought he could pass it off as a light joke to catch you off-guard, but it came off as too sincere. “I do not keep track.”

You cautiously and awkwardly approached Neuvillette, and without a word, wrapped your arms around him in a comforting embrace.

Just like what Uncle Callas had done for you before.

Your existence here was anathema and your words were seditious. His initial reaction was to resist because he knew you were just like Vautrin. He knew you were secretly seeking vengeance because the oratrice unfavorably judged numerous friends and family.

But he needed it. He needed this badly.

It was then that the Iudex decided that he needed you. That he will keep you.

Neuvillette cannot handle another Vautrin— he can't handle another Carole. So, he'll do it right this time. He'll keep you safe, from your illegal associations and even from yourself.

And it was a selfish yet necessary need.

A lump formed in his throat as a tear fell, trickling down his cheek slowly. He allowed himself to melt in your hug, trembling.

“You’re going to need all the hugs you can get if you’re planning to stay as Iudex for centuries more,” you whispered. “You’re resilient, but in this world, that solitary resilience won’t be enough, won’t it?”

Unable to maintain his stoic facade any longer, Neuvillette gripped you tighter in that embrace, his vulnerability finally resurfacing physically rather than Fontaine's rains. Surprised by his sudden tirade of sobs, you embraced him with all the warmth you could muster. At that moment, you had an epiphany. Despite the enmity of their positions, they were the same. Both of you were victims of a nation that demanded more in your assigned roles than you could bear.

“If you'd let me, I'll be the person you’d come to if you ever need a hug.” You weren’t sure if you said it as a devious plan or an act of empathy. “I wouldn’t mind. Not at all.”

You've made yourself important to him now.

Neuvillette cannot lose you too.

As he clung to the solace you inadvertently provided, you can't help but wish you never extended that small comfort months later. Every inch given could be exploited, and when you offered him a shred of empathy, he had seized it and turned it into a mile-long advantage. The vulnerability shared in that hug was the dangerous crack in the sword you've worked so hard to maintain.

And so, when the time came you faced Champion Duelist Clorinde with it, the gaps broke the sword completely and with its death came soon the end of your life.

She was right. There is no dignity in dying with a broken hilt.

But there was peace.

And as much as you hated Neuvillette, you wish he’d have it too.

"I've made it this far, and all I've ever done was in accordance with what fate and others wanted of me. In my demise, let me do something for myself." “After all, I’ve learned from watching Uncle Callas when he fought Champion Duelist Clorinde— an encounter I’ll surely experience in the next few days— that there is beauty in the end. In his last moments, my much younger self saw what expression he wore.” “He was content. The most content I had ever seen in someone's face.” “It was then that I had an epiphany. One that I hope my “husband” Neuvillette will remember, and I care not if it will bring him comfort or pain.” “What I learned was simple:” “Count no man happy till he dies, free of pain at last.”

Taglist (lmk if you want to be added on the other three fics!): @ayadikreino @kireeen, @pebblemacaroon, @thelostpanta, @vennnnn-diagram, @sagekun, @vadelma-yatta, @detectivei @sugarplumcutiepie @sunhareskies @dxprived4-starboys @unloadingdata @harmonysanreads (amen.) @atomicsoulhumanspy @sangoqueenkoko @pix-stuff @dilucragnidvr

#ansy-writes #yandere genshin #yandere genshin x reader #yandere genshin impact #yandere x reader #yandere fanfiction #yandere male #yandere neuvillette #yandere neuvillette x reader #neuvillette #neuvillete x reader #yandere #male yandere #yanderecore #yandere genshin impact x reader #yandere scenarios

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wlntrsldler · 3 months ago

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soldier, poet, king | luke castellan

song: soldier, poet, king by the oh hellos

warnings: not canon compliant, struck by inspiration and wrote this in one sitting so it's kinda just me rambling

i. the soldier

luke grew up a gentle child. he was the type of child who showed mercy at everything, at everyone, even when he knew that he held more power than them. and he did have more power than them.

from a young age, he knew he was different. he just didn't know how or why. it wasn't like he could just ask his mother why locked doors suddenly unlocked when he touched the knob, or why he always seemed to get away with stealing an extra cookie at the lunch line, or why he seemed to understand people who gossiped in other languages. not only were these odd talents to have (and yes he used odd because that's what his classmates used to call him) and his mother would probably not know the answers anyway, but his mother was unreliable at best.

luke was a quiet child. he never talked about what life at home was like and nobody ever asked him. after all, he showed up to school showered, dressed, and fed. there were no red flags there. he didn't blame the school for not knowing his living situation. how could they know? but sometimes, nine-year-old luke castellan wished someone bothered to ask.

maybe if they did, luke would tell them about how his mother talked to herself in the middle of the night and seemed to argue with the pictures on the walls. maybe if they did, luke would tell them that his mother didn't recognize him sometimes and that she would scream at the top of her lungs until her body grew tired then she'd sit still at the kitchen table until the sun rose.

or maybe he wouldn't. he didn't want to be a bother to anyone.

luke had never hurt anything until he was nine. up until then, he used to scoop up spiders on a piece of paper and release them into the world. it felt wrong to kill them so he never did. he used to watch his steps on the way home from school in fear of accidentally killing a centipede on the sidewalk. he used to leave food on the porch for the stray animals that passed by his neighborhood.

luke grew up a gentle child. until he fled home.

the first time luke killed something was when he was roaming the forests of massachusetts. he ran out of food days ago and was surviving on the honey bun an old lady at the gas station bought for him. it wasn't the healthiest option, but she assumed that he was starving from a long day at school and took pity on him. luke said his thanks and returned to his journey.

he could see the sun beginning to set behind the trees. in another life, he'd be watching the sunset in a tent with his mom. it would've been a family camping trip. he took a bite of the now stale honey bun and imagined it was a gooey marshmallow that his mom helped him roast over the campfire. as he crumpled the plastic, he heard it-- a scream from a girl.

luke's eyes widened and he raced to where the sound came from, reaching for the pocket knife he stole from the box his mom kept hidden in the attic. she never let him up there, but as luke was packing his things to leave, something told him to disobey his mother.

he found you with your back against a tree, terrified, with a dog-like creature snarling at you. it had two heads, glowing eyes, and what seemed like a million teeth. it turned its heads to look at luke, and the smile that dawned on its face was haunting. luke fumbled with the pocket knife and watched in amazement as it grew into a sword, both silver and gold, and seemed to illuminate underneath the descending rays of the sun.

luke stumbled in his steps as he held the sword tightly in his small hands and he swung. the dog barred its teeth, no doubt upset that luke was putting up a fight. his technique was nonexistent. he just swung and swung until he managed to lay a blow on the creature, and when he'd done enough damage, luke pierced the sword between the dog's two heads and watched it vanish into thin air.

luke dropped the sword by his feet, trying to catch his breath. he'd almost forgotten that you were there, that he did all that to save someone else. it wasn't until you placed a hand on his shoulder that luke was pulled back to life.

"thank you," you whispered. luke got a good look at you then. tear streaks down your face, hair a mess in two thick braids on either side of your head, and eyes that seemed hollow, though the will of wanting to survive fought to keep the traces of you there. "you saved my life."

luke looked down at his feet to find the pocket knife back in its original form. he bent down to pick it up, hands still trembling as he stuffed it in his back pocket. he wiped his sweaty palms against the fabric of his jeans, "i-i've never killed something before."

"me either," you gulped, nodding. "i'm y/n."

luke brushed his stray curls from his forehead, "luke."

ii. the poet

life at camp half blood became repetitive after a while. training, dinner, offerings, and repeat. luke was excited when he became the head counselor of the hermes cabin because at least he had something new to do. he no longer needed to follow you around to fill his time, though he'd be lying if he said he didn't miss spending so much time with you.

you'd been promoted as the head counselor of your own cabin months before luke, which was overdue in his opinion. you'd grown dependable, strong, and fearless over the years at camp. sometimes luke couldn't believe that you were the same girl who cowered against a hellhound all those years ago.

the life he had before he met you seemed like a lifetime ago, and in some ways, it was. eight years had gone by since he arrived at camp half blood. he's seventeen now. time had taken away many of his memories from his childhood.

"hey soldier," you greeted, bumping his shoulder with your own. "done with your list yet?"

"soldier," he greeted with a bright smile. "just about. want to tag along while i finish up?"

the nickname grew out of a morbid conversation the two of you had a few years ago. it was after you'd just gotten claimed by your parent, the night before you were due to move out of the hermes cabin. luke had found you sitting in the middle of the arena, your sword tossed carelessly on the floor. when you didn't show up to the cabin after lights out, luke knew he had to look for you.

"hey," luke approached you gently, taking the spot beside you. "everything ok?"

you lifted your head, craning your neck to look at him. you shook your head, "no."

his eyebrows furrowed in concern, "what's wrong?"

"i have a quest," you mumbled, tears welling up in your eyes. "that's why she claimed me."

for years, you found home in the hermes cabin. year by year, you admitted defeat, thinking that your parent would never claim you as theirs. it was painful, watching new arrivals get claimed by their parent while you watched on the sidelines, clapping in celebration. you faked smiles and niceties, but luke knew how much it hurt you.

he'd walk with you back to the hermes cabin and kept you company until you felt better. if he had it his way, he'd stay beside you forever, but he'll be content if he got to stay with you until you didn't want him to anymore. thankfully, that time hadn't come yet.

luke felt anger bubbling in his chest as he scoffed, "all these years... i'm sorry y/n. that's fucked up."

"it's okay, luke."

"it's not, though," he shook his head, "it's not okay that she only wants to claim you because she needs you. what about when you needed her, huh? all those years that she ignored you."

your shoulders deflated. luke was saying all the things you'd been repeating in your head since you've been claimed. "i know, luke, but that's just how the gods are."

"maybe that's the problem," he said. his anger kept increasing, his voice sharpening after each word. he thought about the worst-case scenarios if you left. you could get hurt. you could get trapped somewhere. you could die. the thought of it made luke sick. "maybe the gods need to get a taste of their own medicine. tell me you're not going on that quest."

"i have to."

"then i'll come with you."

you placed a hand on his thigh, "i can't ask you to do that."

"you're not asking. i'm offering."

"no, luke," you sighed, "as much as i would like you there, someone needs to stay here. someone needs to look after annie and the rest of the kids."

"and who's gonna look after you?"

"i'll be okay," you managed to smile, "i can hold my own now. i have the best teacher, remember?"

luke's eyes softened at your words. he'd been teaching you fighting techniques since he was dubbed the best swordsman of camp in centuries. everything he learned, he passed onto you. the life of a demigod was unpredictable outside the walls of camp half blood, and if there came a time when he wouldn't be around, he wanted to make sure you could fend for yourself.

he took your hand in his, tugging on your arm to pull you closer. once you were close enough, he wrapped an arm around you and placed his chin on the top of your head. "i know you can."

there was a silence that fell upon the two of you after that. the two of you sat there beside each other for a beat before you spoke again, "do you think they will ever change?"

"no," luke answered honestly. "we are not their children. we're soldiers to them."

as time passed, the truer those words became. he watched his friends, his siblings, return as a shell of themselves after their quest. he often wondered when he'd be called for his, though he was in no rush. some people were gone for weeks, months, sometimes years, and he couldn't fathom being apart from you for that long.

as he snapped out of his thoughts, you laced your fingers with his, "i'd love to join. i miss your siblings."

luke laughed, "they miss you too. i'm no longer their favorite now that i'm head counselor."

"that's because you never let them have fun," you joked, "fun is good. in moderation."

"hermes kids don't understand the word moderation."

"true," you giggled, running your finger across his knuckles. "chiron is looking for you, by the way. said it's urgent."

luke shrugged, placing a kiss on your temple, "i'm sure it can wait. wanna spend some time with you after finishing up. feels like i haven't seen you in ages."

"we just had breakfast and lunch together, luke," you cocked an eyebrow teasingly, though your grip on his hand tightened. "can't get enough of me?"

"you know the answer to that," he hummed, not deterred by your tone. he never kept it a secret that he'd follow you to the ends of the world if you asked. "but we haven't gotten time with just us two in a while. would like to be able to kiss my girlfriend without campers saying ew."

"the ew's don't seem to bother you that much because you do it anyway."

luke stopped, untangling your fingers so he could hold your face in his hands. he placed a long kiss on your lips, one that left you breathless. "like you said, i can't get enough of you."

iii. the king

the waters were rough tonight. princess andromeda rocked harshly against the current, but luke remained unmoving at the front of the ship. he stared out into the dark waters, thinking back on the memories he had left. kronos was slowly chipping away at all of them, but he held tightly on certain ones because he didn't want to forget.

all of the memories were of you-- the way your skin flushed red after hours training in the arena, the way your hair fell in a tangled mess when you let your hair down, the sound of your laughter when he kissed your neck and his curls tickled your skin. these were things he would fight to remember.

luke thinks a fate more cruel than death would be to forget you.

tomorrow would mark a year since he left camp half blood to lead kronos' army, a year since he last saw you. it seemed trivial to him now to think about the 'what-if's' of his quest, thinking about all that time he would spend without you, only to have it happen anyway. only this time, he knew for certain he wouldn't return again.

life on the ship was vastly different from camp half blood. luke never thought that he'd miss the boring routine, but he did. the only thing that stayed the same was that he remained in power. in camp half blood, he was respected, seen as the leader of the pack. and here, the same can be said. he was kronos' right hand, and until the titan was able to attain his physical form, luke was in charge.

he was the captain of the ship. he was the king. he would bring glory to the demigods.

in the distance, a faint light appeared. luke squinted as he tried to make out the object slowly coming closer. he turned to enter the ship, the room falling silent when he opened the door.

"there's something out there."

chris stood up, approaching luke. he was the only one who dared to address him and luke preferred it that way. chris was his brother. he didn't know the rest of them well.

chris cleared his throat, "we just got word from someone on the inside that they're sending some people to attack us."

"so that's what's out there," luke clenched his jaw, "who did they send?"

"percy, annabeth," chris gulped, "and y/n."

for a moment, luke's demeanor faltered. were you really on your way to fight him? is that what your relationship had come to? luke bit his tongue, trying to control his emotions. he crossed his arms across his chest, "change course now."

another one of the demigods stood up, a puzzled expression on his face, "what? there's only three of them. they're outnumbered. we can take them."

"did i stutter?" luke snarled, "i said change course."

"it doesn't make sense to. changing course will set us back at least. a day!"

"are you in charge?" luke questioned. in his heart, he knew he would pay for this later on. once kronos hears that luke changed the plans without his knowledge, he would suffer but he thinks that whatever torture kronos has in store for him would be less painful than seeing you again.

you were fighting the same war, but you stood on different sides. it was something luke still had trouble coming to terms with.

the boy shook his head, cowering in fear as he made his way out of the room to relay luke's orders to the others. luke turned around and pinched the bridge of his nose before walking back out to the front of the ship. he held onto the railing as the ship turned right, his body jerking with the motion. he always did seem to lose his composure when it came to you. as the ship sailed away, he watched the light he saw in the distance fade into the darkness.

#frances writes #luke pjo #luke castellan fanfic #luke castellan pjo #luke castellan #luke castellan one shot #luke castellan x yn #luke castellan x you #luke castellan x reader #luke castellan x y/n #percy jackson fanfic #percy jackson #percy jackon and the olympians

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creedslove · 1 year ago

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WHO KNEW? 💍💔 - PART TWO

No outbreak!Joel Miller x f!reader

"You took my hand, you showed me how

You promised me you'd be around (...)

I took your words and I believed in everything you said to me (...)

If someone said three years from now, you'd be long gone, I'd stand up and punch them out, 'cause they're all wrong

I know better, 'cause you said forever, and ever, who knew?"

Summary: even against your wishes, your bond with the Millers straightens and a series of events causes you and Joel to get closer, enough to spike the fear of falling again for him

• This is the second part of Who Knew? 💍💔 Which was also inspired by this amazing HEADCANON request

Warnings: angst, broken hearts, mentions of divorce, mentions of infidelity, fluff, age gap (Joel is four to five years older than reader and the time skip is 12 to 14 years (Sarah's age) but feel free to imagine whatever you want), house breaking, protective Joel, sexual tension

A/N: so besties, I've been obsessed with this idea, and I hope you enjoy it as well! I mean, I've been writing a little more than 1k words a day, there were some parts I thought were good and some were not so good, as a final result, I don't know, I really hope you all enjoy it my lovelies! It's so hard to resist Joel, isn't it?

10.4k words

If someone told you one day, after a decade of being divorced from Joel due to the huge heartbreak he put you through, your bond with the Millers would straighten once more, you would stand up and punch them out. It was so ridiculously absurd to think you would become closer to the man who chewed you up and spat you out and even if he had indeed changed and was a better person, wasn't enough to make you forget what happened. Yes, you had forgiven him, but not forgotten what went on between the two of you, and even if a part of you desperately begged you to stay away and never talk to Joel again, destiny was pretty ironic at its doings and made you and his daughter, Sarah, become friends. You didn't mean to, and you were sure that if it were up to him, he wouldn't have said yes either, but you never knew she was his daughter and he never knew his daughter's friend was… well, you.

After he did some working at your home, he had asked you out, which you actually considered, but then dismissed the idea completely, there was no way you would put yourself through that again, even if he was even more handsome than when he was young, even if he did make your heart race and pound like you were some inexperienced teenager and even if late at night before falling asleep you closed your eyes and replayed in your mind the last kiss you cherished. Even if you focused hard enough and could still feel his warmth, the heavy grip of his hand on your waist, the way his beard that now was sprinkled with grays here and there scratched your skin and how Joel Miller still had the best kiss you'd ever tried. For a moment it had felt so right, even if it was wrong, and a hidden part of you, the part that just maybe didn't despise Joel that much often allowed you to wonder what would actually happen if you had given him a chance to take you out, would it have been really that bad? You would've gone somewhere to drink or grab something to eat, hang out, perhaps even dance and of course you would end up in Joel's bed, hardly any woman would pass up this opportunity. For a moment you wish it could've been that way, but unfortunately, you and Joel were done. After you turned him down you still shared a last kiss and then you both went back to your own lives, the only thing that connected the two of you in the past was the failed marriage you had just as the only thing that connected the two of you in the present was Sarah.

She was the loveliest girl you'd ever met in your life, so smart and sweet, always kind to everyone, responsible and even if you had had problems with her dad, you couldn't help but feel sorry for her and the fact her own mother didn't want to be around; it sounded crazy to you that woman could give up her chance of being the mother of a wonderful little girl like Sarah, even if Joel had killed any kind of desire of getting involved with someone to the point of building up a family. Not to mention Joel himself, he was a handsome, hard-working man, and he had been a good husband before Angela ruined your life. You knew she wasn't the only one to blame, Joel was a real dick, but now you certainly had two reasons to hate her: the fact she ruined your marriage and that she abandoned her daughter.

After Joel took over the renovations in your home, Sarah continued coming over and even if you felt sort of guilty from keeping the truth from her, you also knew it wasn't your place to tell her, if anything, you and Joel needed to do it together. You couldn't ruin the perfect image she had of her dad, because he was a great father to her and no one could deny that. Overall, you really enjoyed her presence; it wasn't uncommon for her to tag along during lunch time or spend the afternoon reading on your couch. Sometimes you wondered if she didn't have enough friends to hang out with, after all, Joel was busy throughout the day and any teen would take the opportunity of freedom to do whatever shit they wanted with them without having to give their parents the time of the day, but that didn't make any sense, not with Sarah being a sociable girl like she was, so when the realization that she sort of envisioned you as a motherly figure at some level, you felt quite shocked. If life hadn't pulled some unfunny tricks along your way, she could've easily been yours and Joel's daughter. You tried to shake it off and pretend she didn't see you that way, but looking back at your interactions it was undeniable; Sarah opened up to you about things she certainly didn't with Joel, from the pain of periods, to problems with girl friends and boys. It was amusing until Sarah began questioning you about it, asking you about your love life, past relationships and why you were single. You felt bad about not telling her the whole truth, but it was a complicated situation. Especially when she came up with the idea she really considered it to be genius

"Why don't you date my dad?!"

She asked you one lazy afternoon, making you choke softly at the water you were drinking, looking at her shocked and speechless for a while, her sweet smile was impossible to make you get mad at her, and above all it was a genuine question, she wasn't just messing with you.

"What?! My dad looks good, he works hard and he would make you very happy!" She cheered innocently, which caused your heart to sink.

"No… I wouldn't date your dad, he's incompatible… I mean, we are incompatible, I'm sure we wouldn't get along"

"Why?! Is it because you have more money than us? Dad does say you are way out of his league"

And you were shocked and speechless once more. Joel had talked about you to Sarah? And he had told her you were out of his league? This information should have made you scoff and roll your eyes, and not make your cheeks heat up while you blushed.

"No Sarah, Jesus no! It's got nothing to do with money or anything… I mean, your dad works hard and he should earn more than he does, because he is very dedicated and well, an honest working man like Joel can be worth a lot more than a rich guy, trust me" you sighed as she stared at you intently "but the thing is… I've been married once, I was too young, it was disastrous, it didn't work obviously, I got hurt and well… your dad sort of reminds me of him, my ex-husband I mean… It's hard to explain, but no, I wouldn't date your father"

You hated that you lied to her, well, half lies at least, but you wished you could be honest, Sarah was an important part of your life and it would be a lot easier if you three would come clean about everything that happened; on the other hand, you couldn't even imagine the mess you would make in her poor little head, as it was pretty messy and fucked up for you as well whenever you stopped to think you were friends with your ex-husband's daughter, the one he had with the woman he cheated on you with and that simply walked out and abandoned him. It even sounded made up, so you offered her just the piece of information you could. Sarah reached out to you, taking your hand in hers and caressing your knuckles, she gave you a sympathetic look and nodded

"I'm so sorry… I can't even imagine how you must feel, he didn't deserve you anyway, you can be sure you are way better than him, and well, I am just glad dad isn't like that, he's a nice guy, he would never do such a thing to anyone. I just feel like he deserved more too, you know? That woman… my mom, even if she shouldn't be called that, just broke his heart and disappeared. Uncle Tommy told me she never really wanted to have me in the first place and if it weren't for dad, you know…" She looked down trying to hide the thick sadness that fogged her face and it was your turn to reach to her, taking her hand, but seeing it wasn't enough as you got up and walked to Sarah, giving her a hug.

"I don't know, I just wish dad would find a nice girl like yourself and then he could be happy, I mean, we all could…"

•••

Joel groaned at how annoying his brother really was, he didn't get why Tommy would always pry into his fucking business instead of handling his own life, Joel was a grown man and he didn't need anyone trying to set him up with women or just inviting him out out of pity. He could take care of himself; he didn't need to meet women or be in a relationship, he was fine the way he was, his life was already way too hectic the way it was, whenever he felt lonely he could just pick up some woman at a bar and get laid and then go back to his everyday routine. And yet both Tommy and Sarah kept on getting on his nerves, always suggesting him to one girl or another or trying to drag him on double dates. When Sarah had casually told him to ask you out, completely oblivious to the fact he had already done it and you shut him out, Joel was at a loss of words, he tried playing cool but he couldn't deny the mess his feelings had become. He wasn't sure how to suppress them, not after that one kiss. That must've meant something, you wouldn't just give him a speech of how uninterested you were and how you two would never work out again and then kiss him like that, you probably still had feelings for him, if not feelings, at least desire, and as much as he would love to act on it, he didn't want to force things up, to he pushy and make you uncomfortable. He'd hurt you too many times to learn that if you'd asked him to stay away, he should stay away. Not only that, Tommy was completely onboard with everything you had said, to him, the fact Joel was crushing on his ex-wife more than a decade after breaking her heart was a clear sign of madness. He figured Joel still had feelings for you, even if Tommy wasn't one to settle down, he couldn't understand how his brother went from madly in love with his pretty young wife to a terrible husband and finally the asshole who dumped her for another woman. He knew that the passion Joel felt for Angela was strong, but even more than just a burning passion, lay that undying love he'd felt for you, and he was sure it wouldn't simply go away, which didn't necessarily mean that Joel surrendering to that love was a smart move. Quite the opposite, it was probably the dumbest thing Tommy had ever heard in his entire life. How could Joel even keep any hopes of getting with you again?! It hadn't worked, too many people got hurt and all he wanted was that his brother could actually see that, so he simply discouraged Joel from getting anywhere near you, as if it wasn't bad enough Sarah had been dragged accidentally into this story, he didn't want his brother suffering around. So he set his brother up on a date, something that Joel hated with passion but since he was feeling particularly hopeless that night he ended up accepting it.

He was usually very against being set up on blind dates, but Joel had created a depressing ritual of always going out and grabbing a drink whenever he came across the date that would've marked his wedding anniversary with you. Joel often heard men were forgetful and didn't remember important dates, but he had never been like that, always keeping the important dates fresh in his mind was something common, ever since he was a child, especially when they brought him strong emotions, such as the ones he shared with you. He thought it was a little stupid at first, but he found out that it helped him cope with the guilt and the doubts that always clouded up his mind. He would sit at a bar and wonder where you could be, how your life would have been like and if you ever thought of him. It sort of became his thing, but this year, for the first time, he knew the exact answers to his questions, and it was so odd, he decided to take Tommy's suggestions to go out with a friend of his brother's girlfriend, he didn't really care nor paid attention, he just exchanged numbers with her, showered and got dressed after work and headed for the restaurant.

And just as he had predicted, it had been another disastrous date. Not that the girl wasn't pretty, she was, but she was just exhausting; her conversation was tiring, her subjects were boring and overall, she just wasn't you. Joel didn't understand why he was having it so bad for you, he knew he shouldn't, he should forget about it all and focus on something else, but as much as he tried not to think of you, more he thought of you. It was maddening. He couldn't help himself but compare the two of you: you were prettier, smarter, funnier, you dressed and smelled better than that random stranger he saw himself being forced to have dinner with. And he wished with all his heart you could be on that date with him; if only you gave him just one chance to show you he was a better man, he would never hurt you like he did before, give you a chance to redeem himself and make you happy exactly the way you deserved it, he would be the happiest man in the world. Life wasn't gonna make things easier for him, and deep down, he knew he didn't even deserve it in the first place, so he tried once more paying attention to his date, which didn't last very long and the moment he saw the opportunity to leave, he grabbed it like a life preserver in the middle of the ocean and headed to a bar - alone, and only after paying for the check, after all, Joel Miller was still a gentleman.

Your wedding anniversary had always been a tricky date for you; there were years you went completely unaffected by it and years you felt like dying. For the first time, however, you were closer to Joel than you'd always been in the years before, and because of that, you decided you deserved better than just stay home and have some bland dinner by yourself, you would go out and perhaps meet other people… And your plan went really smoothly for a while; you got to a nice bar, dressed nicely, dragging some male attention towards you and even got paid a drink by a handsome stranger who waved from afar. It felt like a promising night, until Joel Miller walked in and looked for a table, and he looked devilish handsome as he did so. You bit your lips feeling the alcohol rushing towards one direction at the same time you censored yourself: no matter how lonely and needy you were feeling nor how handsome he was, you couldn't simply feel the hots for him. As if he'd just read your mind, Joel turned around, his eyes falling right on you, his gaze softened up and you saw him running his tongue through his lips, deciding whether or not to walk towards you.

Of course he did it.

The moment he approached, Joel noticed the sadness in your eyes and he was sure you were the for the exact same reason he was, and it was just another motive to get closer to you; taking the chair next to you, he asked the bartender for a drink and as soon as he had it in hands, he stared at you.

"Happy wedding anniversary, darling" he tilted his glass against yours, as you just nodded and took a long sip.

"Happy wedding anniversary, handsome" you replied in a mockery tone using the old nickname you used for him. Handsome was a word that really described him, your Joel. He had always been a handsome man, but how well time treated him was impressive to say the least. He looked so good, he was bigger, broad and stronger. His dark hair had become a little grayer, just like a few patches all over his beard, and that suited him like a damn velvet glove. The way his shirt hung tight around his shoulders and down his arms, eyes lingering on him for way too long, as a warmth spread through your cheek and Joel chuckled

"Funny how you still blush when I'm around… Exactly like old times" he grinned and took another sip of his drink, which was enough to break you free from the spell you were under.

"What are you doing here? I thought I'd made myself pretty clear, Joel" you sighed and stared down into your glass.

"I'm doing the same as you are, darling… I'm thinking about all the bad decisions I made in life. You have been pretty clear, I ain't going to bother you, but I just missed you… it's so weird to see Sarah getting home everyday so excited over you, talking about how nice and awesome you are and I have to pretend not to know about it"

"Yeah? And you think it's easy for me to spend the whole afternoon listening to her talking about what an amazing dad you are? How you are awesome but very unlucky to have had your heartbroken by her mom?" You raised your eyebrow and chuckled

"She really say that?" Joel's expression showed a slight shock "she said I was an amazing dad?!"

You tilted your head at his surprise and bit your lips, perhaps it was just the drinks you had that softened you up a little, but when you saw it, you placed your hand on his arm and shook your head

"Yeah? Why are you so surprised? You are an amazing dad, Joel… that girl loves you more than anything in the world, she idolizes you, of course, she thinks you work too much and that you could both spend some more time together, but other than that, it's clear you are a great father. I was very surprised when we met again, to see your change, I never really thought you would become a better person, not after what happened, but it's nice to see Sarah changed that" you smiled softly at him, and that just melted Joel's rough heart, he immediately took your hand before you could move it away and caressed your knuckles softly, his gaze still making you pathetically shy, as he pursed his lips and you remembered how good they've always felt on your own and also all over your body.

"You know she also sees you as a mother figure, right?!"

"Yeah, I was reluctant to admit it at first, but she does… I guess she needed that, you know? A woman she could talk to about girl stuff, things she cannot talk to her dad or her uncle Tommy" you smiled "I really like Sarah and I'm very glad you allow us to be friends, I understand it is a really odd situation for you, as it is for me, but I like her a lot… you know, if things had been different, she could've been my daughter… our daughter" you sighed "things could've been different Joel… you know what made so hard for me to forgive you? It's not exactly you falling for Angela, of course, rejection hurts a lot, but sometimes it happens, sometimes you fall for someone you shouldn't have, but what still breaks my heart is that you lied to me, you played with me instead of coming clean. You just kept me around even if you didn't want me anymore, so just you would have a comfortable option in case it didn't work with her, and that was what made me feel worse… it made me feel unworthy, because you could still have been considerate of me and just break things up before it all happened" you shrugged

"Darling, I-" he squeezed your hand tighter but you pulled it away

"I'm not trying to make you upset or anything, all I am saying is that things could have been different between us, they should have been at least, if not staying married, having a child and building a family together, then at least having your honesty…"

"What can I do so you forgive me?" Joel asked, his voice breaking a little as he tried to hide the emotion growing at any minute.

"I've already forgiven you Joel, I already told you that… but I can't forget what happened, it will always haunt me" you sighed "too many things happened and as much as I had loved you, I think I would never be able to trust you"

"Please, I have changed, it kills me to know I've hurt you so much, I wish I could go back in time and undo everything that I did.. please, darling" Joel begged you with those brown soft eyes, his hand cupping your cheek in a warm caress and even if you closed your eyes and leaned into his touch for a while, you knew you couldn't let yourself fall into his touch, because if you did, there would be no turning back.

"If Angela returned today, Joel… imagine if she came back and tried claiming you and Sarah, would you still care about me? Because I don't see this happening, Joel. Honestly, what I think is that you want me because you feel bad about what happened and because you couldn't have who you really wanted…"

His expression was indecipherable and for a second you thought he would say something, but all he did was pull you closer, gluing your lips together in an urgent kiss, you could've fought it, but you didn't; instead, you kissed him back, taking your hands into his curls and tugging at them more and more each time Joel pulled you even closer.

Only when the two of you broke the kiss, he looked into your eyes, his thumb stroking your bottom lip gently

"There isn't anyone I want but you, I never stopped loving you, darling… even when Angela was around, she couldn't compare to you" his words shattered your heart, as much as you wanted to believe that, you still couldn't. You grabbed his hand and sighed

"Don't do this again, Joel, please. You've ruined too many things for me already…" you got up and said goodbye "we can't, you know it"

"What have I ruined for you, darling? Tell me and I'll fix it, please"

You chuckled sad and shrugged

"Joel, you even ruined Queen for me'

You walked away from him, leaving him there with his drink and his thoughts, a puzzled look out of confusion in his face trying to figure out exactly what the hell you meant by that. Just as he saw you disappear out of the door, he realized what meant as he paid attention to the lyrics of the song playing in background:

"Love of my life, you hurt me

You've broken my heart

And now you leave me

Love of my life, can't you see (...)"

And even if Joel wanted to be rational and convince himself he'd lost you for good, his heart still insisted on wanting what he couldn't have.

•••

Your car parked in Joel's driveway was the last thing he expected to see that night, after working excruciatingly and failing his promise of getting home earlier to have dinner with his daughter. He knew Sarah was probably waiting, disappointed but also used to it, full of having some sandwich or any other snack she could find. He cursed himself for getting so caught up at work, he didn't mean to, but he had done it again, after all, he had to attend an important meeting with a possible new client and then he would need to wait for the arrival of a bunch of materials that had been delayed for weeks, and even if he knew his daughter was safe with you, he still felt upset to have not given her the attention she needed. However, you had never been to his house before, that was something that you established from the very beginning and when he kissed you at the bar a couple of weeks ago, Joel was certain that was the end of seeing you, occasionally or not. He was sure you'd never shut Sarah out, you liked her for real, and she reciprocated the feelings; besides, you were a decent enough human being who knew you didn't have to mix things up. So, the fact you were indeed at his home, was concerning to him, who parked and immediately left, getting inside wanting to see what was going on. The moment the door opened in one hard swing, you got off the couch and walked to your ex-husband

“Hey Joel” you said, a little shy, suddenly, the fact you were standing in the middle of his home uninvited made you extremely embarrassed, as it felt you were somehow intruding on his intimacy. Since the divorce Joel had moved into a new house, bigger and cozier, a nice backyard with a decent swimming pool was something that drew your attention; you smiled at yourself, knowing how much Joel loved swimming, so it made your heart warm to see he had accomplished something that seemed quite small, but it meant a lot to you.

At first, when you saw the house, you couldn't help but be invaded by a furious jealousy of the possibility Joel had built that house for her, Angela, instead of you. Luckily, Sarah clarified he only started to build it when she was a toddler and that Tommy helped him, and that's why he often crashed there. You chuckled to yourself, that was typical of Tommy, but overall you felt proud of Joel and everything he achieved, you knew he had potential and it was great that he actually worked on it.

“Where's Sarah?!” He asked with worry and called her name once more, louder this time, frowning as you shushed him.

“I'm sorry I'm here, but she had a fever felt sick, I wanted to call you but she asked me not to an-” you were cut off by Joel simply climbing up the stairs and heading straight to Sarah's room, he felt a mix of guilt and worry weighing in his heart at the fact his baby daughter was sick and he couldn't be there for her. He barged into her room, normally, that would be enough to startle her, but instead, he found her peacefully asleep, clung tight to her pillow, dressed in her regular PJs. He touched her forehead wanting to check her temperature, but luckily her skin wasn't warm anymore. He looked at the door and found you there, arms folded and looking like you wanted to say something else, and then he just realized how rude he'd actually been to you by simply walking away and letting you talk to a brick wall. He placed a gentle kiss on his daughter's forehead and closed the door behind him.

“I'm sorry darling, I was worried and you should've called me…”

“It's okay, Joel… as I was saying, I wanted to call you, but Sarah asked me not to, she said you were having an important meeting and you would be home soon, anyway” you licked your lips as you realized he was extremely late and probably feeling so guilty about it all.

“You know, she was at my place and she was feeling a little down, at first I thought she was just upset because she wasn't invited to Melissa's party an-”

“That girl is a bitch” Joel said angrily and in such a defensive way that it was both cute he was so protective of his daughter at the same time it sounded hilarious to see him cursing another teenage girl. However, you had to agree with him, Melissa was indeed a bitch.

“Yeah, I know right?! Anyway, I noticed Sarah was burning up with fever and since she didn't want me to call you, I decided to bring her home and stay with her. So I asked her to take a cool shower, gave her some tylenol and made her some chicken soup with the things I found in your kitchen…” you both went downstairs and stopped in his living room. You tried not paying attention to how good your ex-husband looked after his long hour shift; his sweaty shirt so tight against his broad chest, his messy hair and that stressed attitude that would always melt away with a very intense orgasm.

“You made soup?!” Joel frowned a little shocked and interrupted your drifting thoughts.

“Y-yeah, why? Did I do bad?”

“No” Joel smiled softly and shook his head “not at all, it's just that… I haven't had your food in so long and you've always been a good cook, that's all” the nostalgia he felt was so big and it also warmed your heart, nodding at him “well, I made some more in case you wanted to have dinner too, it's in the kitchen, you can help yourself if you'd like…” you offered him and grabbed your purse “can you call me tomorrow and let me know if Sarah is better?”

Joel grabbed your arm gently and shook his head

“Don't go, not yet… just have dinner with me, talk to me for a while, I promise I won't try to kiss you or anything. Just keep me company, it's rare to have people over, it's usually Sarah and I and usually Tommy, but when they are out, it's just me” he looked at you with a sad expression, and you understood perfectly: loneliness.

Coming back home to an empty bed at night. Not having anyone to rely on, to hold, to give you support and affection, to make love. So you nodded and smiled at him, sitting down with him at the table and grabbed yourself a plate, giggling at how hungry he really was, eating as if he hadn't seen food in months. He raised his eyes at you and stopped chewing, blushing as you wouldn't stop staring.

“You know, you and Sarah have the same sad puppy eyes when you are sick?!” Joel raised his eyebrow at you and you laughed softly “same red teary eyes, sniffing as someone takes care of you, it's actually adorable”

“You think I'm adorable?!”

“Adorable isn't exactly what you are Joel…” you said letting your eyes wandering all over him and having your ex-husband to smirk at you

“Yeah? You think I'm attractive?”

“You know you are attractive, Joel, now shut up and eat” you frowned softly and had dinner with him; it was a pleasant moment, spending some time together, without any talks about the divorce or the past, just two old acquaintances who perhaps had some kind of feelings for each other and shared a meal together. There weren't accusations, apologies or tears, just mundane, regular conversations and laughter. It was nice to have that moment with Joel, as you both progressed in a conversation about your lives and how things had changed over the years, truly catching up instead of arguing. When the subjected revolved around Sarah again, your ex-husband couldn't contain his curiosity anymore:

“You never wanted kids, darling?”

You looked down at your empty plate, a glimmer of sadness crossing your eyes as you shook your head and stared at him

“Not after you, Joel… I used to want a kid, before, when we were together, but not anymore. I feel it's too late for me now, even if I'm still young, it just feels impossible, you know?”

Joel's hand rested on top of yours, he caressed it very gently and looked at you. He sighed knowing exactly what you meant, knowing you actually meant having a baby together and of course he blew it once more. He couldn't even describe the remorse he felt, even if you had spent the past half an hour having a rare moment of bliss tougher, he knew he would never be able to erase what had happened between the two of you. He wished he had a chance to do so, but deep inside, even if he did, he knew the damage had been done.

“It's alright, Joel…” you said shyly and got up as you picked the plates and piled them in the sink, he immediately walked to you,

“Let me handle the dishes, it's the least I can do, you know… after you took care of my daughter and cooked for us. I'm sure Sarah loved it, we aren't used to having homemade food” he chuckled as you nodded

“Yeah, I figured, that's why I decided to make something else…” you said as you walked to the oven and opened it, showing Joel the freshly baked batch of chocolate chips cookies. He widened his eyes like a child and smiled big.

“This is your favorite, I figured it was Sarah's as well” you said sweetly and got the tray out of the oven, although you mumbled something a couple of times, Joel hadn't replied to you, as he kept washing the plates without interruption. You didn't get why he ignored your question, it made no sense; just a few minutes ago you were both having a nice, sweet time together and suddenly he wasn't going to say anything? That was odd. You placed the cookies on the balcony and called him again, to which you got no reply so you just shook his arm a little calling him again.

He turned around and watched you

“What is it?” He asked with a sweet smile, making you even more confused

“I called you a couple of times and you didn't say anything… is everything alright with you?” And at that question his face fell and it was impossible for Joel to hide his sadness. He licked his lips and nodded

“Yeah… it's just that… I'm kinda deaf in my right ear” he blushed and looked down in shame “I had a work accident some years ago and something blew up when I stood too close to it and well…” he shrugged and you felt your heart sink. Your poor Joel, always such a hardworking man, despite everything between you both, you never wanted him to be that injured. It saddened you to see how ashamed he seemed of it, even if he had no reason to be ashamed of it at all, and suddenly it made all sense to you why he was always subtly tilting his head to the left or standing towards that direction when he talked to you.

“I can hear it just fine, got used to it by now, but if you mumble something on my right it's kinda hard to me” the simple and even innocent way he said that made you so sympathetic of him, but it was way more than just that. It made you want to hold him, to assure him it was fine and he was still nothing but perfect no matter what had happened.

“Oh Joel…” you whispered and held his head in both of your hands, gently, your fingers brushing against his thick beard as you got closer and rested your forehead against his “I'm so sorry honey” you whispered again and closed your eyes. He was determined to respect you and not get handsy with you, but the moment he saw you pulling him closer, he couldn't help doing the same; gripping your waist with large hands, just like he used to, exactly where they fit so well, he brought your bodies close together.

“Don't go, please… stay” he whispered back, his lips were almost on yours, everything felt so right at that moment even if it was wrong. You hated how it felt like playing with fire: it seemed beautiful and appealing but you would get burned no matter what.

“I'm sorry, you know I can't” you said, moving your lips just an inch further and connecting with his, earning a hungry kiss.

For someone who desperately wanted to keep away from their ex-husband, you were certainly doing a shitty job. He needed you as much as you needed him, you both wanted each other, but you broke the kiss. It couldn't happen, your relationship was as complicated as it was and you didn't want to deal with that responsibility later. His heavy breathing lingered on your skin, at the same time he placed a soft peck on your neck, knowing all your sweet spots, that devilish man Joel Miller was.

“You know you can call me, right? Anything you need, anything at all, just call me and I'll come running to you, darling, don't forget that” he whispered into your ear and more than a seducing invitation, it was a plea, from a hopelessly man in love who didn't know what to do to prove his worth.

•••

Joel's offer to call him whenever you needed was so tempting, because you didn't actually need to call him, but you wanted to. It made no sense, you were the one who wanted to keep your distance from him, but due to the latest events you found yourself wanting to see Joel each time more, just the thought of his presence brought you an excitement you tried not reading too much into it; you didn't want to admit you were crushing on your ex-husband, but then, how could you call the fact your heart raced when you saw him? How you blushed and felt sparkles whenever you touched him briefly - accidentally or not? It was tricky, it was a mess but it seemed Joel made you lose that filter that always kept you emotionally distant from everyone. After learning Sarah was alright, you felt relieved for her, and when she stopped by your home and thanked you for taking care of her, you felt that familiar warmth in your heart. It seemed the more your rational part fought for you to stay away, that you had been severely hurt by Joel and you couldn't afford giving him a chance to do the same for the second time, but your irrational side? The one driven by your feelings and desires?! That one only made you dive deeper into the Millers household. Your feelings for Sarah just grew, you were attached to her and she was attached to you, she found in you the female influence it lacked for years and she represented something you never had but wished you could. And her dad was something else… ever since that evening you spent together, having dinner, chatting and enjoying each other's company, Joel had told you you could call him anytime for any reason. It didn't matter if you wanted to talk, hang out or have him fix something at your place, he was at your will.

And then you weren't certain if your faucet was really leaking, or if your door was actually warped or if all of that had to do with the fact you were looking for an excuse to call Joel and see him. You didn't want to hire him and you didn't want to discuss feelings, talk about the past or hear all sorts of apologies, you wanted to have a nice, pleasant moment with him, just like you had the last time. It felt so familiar and yet so new; it was about the two of you being acquaintances but at the same time meeting each other, your older, more mature versions finally getting together and hitting off. That was the kind of interaction you wanted from Joel.

You just didn't know exactly how to initiate it, not without giving him any kind of hope or leading him into it.

So you decided to focus on work, like you'd been doing for over a decade. You liked your job, it was stressful as any other job in the world and the money was great. However, you had got so comfortable and used to working from home, the days you were forced to actually go to the office felt excruciating, but it was part of the deal and you had to do it. So you got up, got ready - not without texting Sarah to let her know you wouldn't be home that day - and went to do your business. It was also when you noticed something was wrong. You didn't know the car that was parked across the street, it was a little odd, as you got used to all your neighbors and it was such a calm neighborhood you simply noticed when there was someone from outside. Still, you shrugged and got into your own car, driving to work.

On your way back, all you wanted was a cool shower and some relaxing hours scattered on the couch, but you tensed up a bit when you spotted the same car you did in the morning still there. It had nothing indicating trouble, and yet, you had a gut feeling telling you it simply wasn't right, however, there was nothing you could really do about it. You thought of calling Joel, but you didn't want to risk sounding paranoid and overall crazy. What could you tell him?! That there was a car parked across the street?!

You groaned when you checked your email and saw you would have to attend a meeting at work in person the next day. You were so sure you'd solved everything up, so why would you have to go? It was probably one of those meetings that could be just a work email and it annoyed you to no end, but still, you had no other option other than attending so the next morning you were there, getting ready when you spotted the same car. You had no idea if it had spent the whole night there or if it had gotten there before you woke up, nonetheless, you were taken by the same feeling you did the day before, no matter if they were irrational or not, it was just overwhelming. After another day at work, you returned home and sighed relieved to see the car wasn't there. Maybe it had been just a paranoid episode, perhaps you were just reading too much into things and all the stress from work combined with your situation with Joel made you lose your grip on reality a little bit.

The fact was that after doing your regular house things, you decided to take a relaxing bath and sink yourself into your tub. Selecting the perfect bath bomb and adjusting the temperature, you got inside, groaning at how the warm water made your tense muscles relax and you could feel the knots undoing themselves; as you closed your eyes and relaxed, there was nothing clouding up your mind but Joel.

His handsome face, his smile, his curly graying hair. He was your Joel, but older, mode handsome, if that was even a thing, because Joel was definitely the most handsome man you'd ever met. You couldn't help yourself but picture him wrapping his strong arms around your body, perhaps a relaxing bath with Joel would feel so good, you wouldn't be able to to turn it down. Just to imagine his naked body holding yours was enough to spike so many things all over you. You didn't know if you'd ended up dozing off in the tub, but it was hard to say if any time had passed or not the moment you heard some noises around your house. You couldn't remember if you'd forgotten your TV on or something like that, you were sure you hadn't turned on the radio, but it was enough to feel goosebumps all over your skin. You left the tub, drying yourself as quick as possible and wrapping a bathrobe around your body, exiting the room as silently as you could, hearing whispering and steps all over the lower floor. You went to your room and looked outside the window, your heart racing the moment you spotted the same car you'd seen before. You didn't know what to do, you could feel the suffocating wave of anxiety taking over completely. You could hear their voices, because apparently there was more than one guy. They were robbing your home, but what would happen if they reached you? You immediately locked your bedroom door, so relieved to see your phone was thrown onto the bed. Grabbing it, you dialed the number you'd never forgotten.

•••

“Come on, darling, open up” Joel's voice was the first thing you registered after you made the call, hugged yourself against a corner of your room and closed your eyes. You had heard footsteps climbing the stairs and how the thieves banged on your door, but you remained as quiet as you could. Just praying someone would show up to save you. You'd called Joel and he called the cops on his way over, he had dropped everything he was doing when he heard the raw fear in your voice. It was horrible you had your home broken into, but it made it even worse to think of what two criminals could do with such a beautiful woman like yourself. So he grabbed Tommy and they both rushed towards your place. Arriving there almost at the same time as the cops did, finding your front door busted open and a lot of valuable things such as your TV and your laptop gone. He had a baseball bat in hands, ready to attack whoever threatened your physical integrity and when he got questioning looks from the cop, he cleared his throat and explained he was your ex-husband - and friend.

“Is that really you, Joel?” You asked in a little more than a whisper, so glad to know he was there. You walked to the door and unlocked it, seeing Joel's worried eyes scanning you to make sure you were unharmed. Only then, you realized you hadn't gotten dressed, still wrapped in your bathrobe, but it didn't matter, all you could think of was looking for shelter into his strong, safe arms, sinking your face into his chest at the same time Joel caressed your back up and down, his lips planted a kiss on top of your head and another one on your forehead, wanting to soothe you and show you how safe you were from now on. He was there for you, it wouldn't absolve him from what he'd done in the past, but that didn't even matter to you or Joel, the important thing was that he was there, he came as fast as he could only for you and he would do it a thousand times more if necessary; you both knew that.

“I got you, baby girl, I got you” Joel cooed at you, tightening the hug around your body and keeping you closer. And you had missed that embrace, you just belonged in it, and you never wanted to let go.

Joel held you through the whole process of talking to the cops, informing them about the strange car that was seen around your home and also listing every item they stole: your TV, an iPad, your laptop and your car. Even if you were safe among them, you couldn't help but feel that nervous, anxious feeling at the very possibility of being alone at home once more. Nothing happened in the end, but it could have happened, and though it sucked to have been robbed of so much valuable stuff, you weren't harmed, and that was what mattered the most to you and above all, Joel.

As the cops talked to Joel and assured they'd get in touch if any of it was found, he walked them to the door and turned back to you, finding you all shy and scared, hugging yourself and looking at him with sad eyes. You didn't want to be alone and you didn't want to have to ask him for company, you didn't want to sound whiny or pathetic, especially not after it was just a break-in without any physical damage.

“Come on, pack your bags and I'll take you home with me” Joel's voice broke the silence and made you stare at him surprised “it can be for a few days, but if you aren't comfortable with that, then let me take you at least for the night, I ain't leaving you alone. Sarah's out at her friends in a slumber party or something, you can take her bed, or mine and I'll sleep on the couch, it doesn't matter, just come…” he extended his hand to you, which you gladly took it, and made his way upstairs, waiting patiently as you grabbed a backpack and shoved a few clothes and accessories you would need. You couldn't even describe how you felt at Joel's kindness. You were so comforted, so glad to see you weren't alone and that he was willing to take care and protect you. It didn't take very long to get your backpack ready, wrapping your arms around his neck in another tight hug, thanking him for being so gentle and earning only reassuring and affectionate words.

Once you got to the truck, you were welcomed by a whiff of his familiar scent, it smelled like Joel, your Joel and your heart warmed. He glanced at you while he drove, still seeing the tension all over you and his hand rested on your knee “you must be hungry…”

“I am” you said, a little anxious and watched as he turned the wheel and changed streets. Even before getting to the address, you already knew where Joel was taking you: your favorite Taco place. You chuckled as you remembered that was your favorite date spot when you were painfully young; when life seemed so promising and Joel Miller was the man who made you stutter and sweat through your hands. Whenever he glanced towards you, your cheeks would heat up and you would feel like bursting into flames. And after you both got married, when things were still good, that was the place where he would stop by eventually, pick up some takeout and take home, as a way of spoiling and thanking you for taking care of him. As he parked, he smiled and cleared his throat.

“You know, this is our spot, I never brought any girl here, with the exception of Sarah, of course, but much to my disappointment, she isn't really into tacos, which makes it exclusively our thing” he winked at you and you nodded, a small, petty side of you felt thankful for the confirmation of Angela never been there with Joel. It was just a taco shop and yet, it was still one thing that it was so yours and Joel's and she hadn't ruined it with her touch. You felt even hungrier at that moment, relaxing to know you could have a peaceful dinner with your good memories and the man who somehow still managed to make you blush, stammer a little and sweat through your hands.

As you both munched on the food sitting down in the back of his truck, just like you did every Friday night more than a decade ago, you chuckled at how things change but somehow remain the same. He tilted his head to the side, wiping a little bit of sauce you had over your cheek, exactly like when you both were younger.

“I know this probably tastes like shit, compared to the food you've had over the years when you traveled all over the world, you know Sarah told me all about it because she really admires you an-”

You took his hand and squeezed it, then placed your hand on his chin making him look into your eyes.

“Joel… this is the best taco I've ever had, the most delicious takeout I've ever tried because you are here with me..” she whispered and smiled, seeing how his face lit up. Neither of you said it, but you were finally having that date he asked you out several months ago, when destiny decided to put the two of you together. As he saw you shivering in the cold wind, he did the honorable thing and took off his jacket, placing it over your shoulder and rubbing both of your arms. You thanked him and looked all over his truck

“We spent quite a while in here…” you shrugged “and to think I lost my virginity here… you've always been a real gentleman” you scoffed and rolled your eyes. Joel laughed and sighed

“Yeah, well, I've come along nicely, give me a chance and I'll show you” he winked, flirting a little as you shook your head in disbelief.

“Are you serious?! Fuck off, Joel Miller! No guy will ever fuck me in the back of a truck, and especially not you!” You slapped his arm playfully, hugging it and resting your chin on his shoulder, feeling the wind against your face and looking up at him.

“Joel? Can you do us both a favor?” He nodded at you wanting to hear whatever question you had to ask him “please don't let Sarah marry the first asshole she falls in love with”

“I'm on it” he replied, laughing softly and pulling you closer. Closer than you'd ever been to him, he just wished that night wouldn't end too soon.

•••

Lying in Sarah's bed was odd, to say the least; especially when Joel's room was just there, a hallway distant from you. After the moment - better saying, the moments you both had shared in the past few days and even more so that night, you felt things would escalate to another level, a level in which it didn't matter to you if it was right or wrong, It was just bound to happen. But once you got to his home, he showed you his daughter's room, the bathroom, and asked if you needed anything else and simply let you be. Which was what you wanted, it was what you had asked him to do the last time you'd shared a kiss, but at the same time you felt disappointed because you wanted more of him, more of your Joel. The sweet moments you'd spent together were weighing so heavily in your heart, and even if you hadn't forgotten about what happened, the new proximity brought a new light in your relationship with Joel; it felt nice and different, a good different and as much as you closed your eyes and tried falling asleep, you were simply taken back to the moment he held you, soothed you, caressed your skin and assured you everything was alright. Tossing and turning in bed while you wished you were somewhere else instead, anywhere really, as long as he was just next to you. At first, when the gentle strumming from the guitar got to your ears, you imagined you had dozed off for a few minutes, perhaps you had even started to dream, but when your eyes were wide open and the beautiful, familiar sound wouldn't cease, you knew that only meant one thing: Joel was playing the guitar.

It couldn't come from his bedroom, the sound was too far to be coming from there, so you knew you would have to get up and explore. Suddenly, you felt a wave of excitement. Not only did you love watching Joel play the guitar, but now you had a pretty decent and reasonable excuse to go after him. You didn't want to make things weird and be that kind of person to leave the other confused, with your dubious signs, but you were just following your heart at that moment.

You tiptoed through his house, doing your best to move in the dark, as you didn't want to startle Joel or make him think you wanted the music to stop. And then your heart skipped a beat when you looked through the window and saw him playing the guitar on his porch. The cold wind that bothered you when you both were out eating tacos seemed to have stopped, and just then you realized it was indeed warm inside the house. He was so relaxed, strumming his guitar and humming a song softly, you've always loved his singing voice, even if he was a little shy about it, you could sit down and watch him play and sing for hours. You opened the door quietly and rested against the doorframe, admiring it quietly the way he looked focused at his guitar. He played calmly and it was the most beautiful sight you could ever think of. You wouldn't be able to tell exactly how long you stood there, but when Joel looked up at you, you were already walking towards him.

“That was beautiful, Joel…”

“Just like you are, darlin'”

You both knew exactly what you wanted at that moment, how you took another step closer, one after the other and you suddenly were hovering over him. Joel placed his guitar down, he wasn't going to be able to hold himself back, not at that moment. In one single motion, he pulled you to him by the hips, a tight grasp around your body and kissing you deeply. You straddled Joel, your hands making their familiar way towards his curls, loving how they always felt under your touch. Unlike the other times you'd kissed, you knew you would both go all the way down, you wanted it, craved it and even if you knew what to do and where to touch, it also felt new, you were both were the same young couple who'd been so in love, newly married and full of hopes and dreams, but you were also a couple who'd lived separately for more than a decade, you had both experienced heartbreaks, passions, you'd tried and touched other people, but eventually, just like home, it you were drawn to each other. There was no way out. When you were shamelessly humping and groaning on top of him, Joel knew it was time to take things inside, to hell with his neighbors, he didn't care if any of them witnessed it, if anything, he wanted people to see what a lucky bastard he was to have you in his arms, that he was going to take you and make you his at least once more. So he got up, lifting you up easily, so easily, and took you inside, climbing stairs with you in his arms, he longed for you, he was hungry for your body, your taste, your touch. He needed you and Joel Miller was about to take it all. He placed you over his mattress and got rid of his shirt - his dark blue one, that looked so good on him - and let your hands wander his body. He didn't take long to undress you, nibbling your thighs in the process, he knew your body like the palm of his hand, with the exception the last time he'd visited it, his palm wasn't as calloused as it was now, just as you weren't so painfully hot as you were at that moment. You'd always been gorgeous, but at that moment, naked in his bed, it was the most beautiful and erotic thing he'd ever seen and yet he wanted it to make it forever. As he got inside of you, he didn't know how long it would last, how long you both would last, you were being way nicer and more compassionate than he would ever deserve it, but at the same time, something within said you shared the same feelings for each other.

Once you both reached your bliss, love bites, kissings, caresses and so much affection between you both, you relaxed into his arms, your head resting comfortably in his chest, and you felt at home. You still didn't know what the next day would bring you both. Perhaps you would stay together, or you would part ways for good, there was still so much to be done, to spoken, you would have to handle the fact and the consequences of not using protection with Joel, maybe that was a good reason to worry about , or not, you didn't want to think of it, just as you didn't want to think of how you both could ever explain to Sarah what happened, or how Joel would explain Tommy and you would explain your family how you got together, maybe even one day Angela could return, you'd learned the hard way life wasn't a bed of roses and you feared that if you agreed to be happy with Joel once more you would get hurt, one way or another, but all that wasn't important, not at that moment. All it mattered was you and your Joel in bed, snuggled up and worrying about nothing but each other. He nuzzled your neck, making you giggle and in return you pecked his lips once more. He wanted to say those three little words, but decided not to, not yet, instead, he wanted to show you it, now he'd had a taste of you, and he vowed himself to make you happy for the rest of his life.

He knew he had broken your heart, it was the worst thing Joel Miller had ever done, but he was going to win you back, because he wasn't going to give up happiness with you, not again.

____

A/N: besties, how did I do? Did you like it? I hope you did! I honestly had planned on writing a sad ending, I was going to make reader move on from Joel once for all, but then, is it even possible to get over him? It's impossible not to fall for him and give him a second chance. A third part is possible but I have no idea when, and feedback is always welcome my lovelies ❤️💕

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callsign-dexter · 1 year ago

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First Huge Fight Pt. 3

Summary: Jake and Y/N have their first big fight. Hurtful things are said and regretted. Can they make up before it is too late? Or will the Seresin-Bradshaw household be turned upside down?

Pairings: Bradley Bradshaw x Jake Seresin, Bradley Bradshaw x Daughter!Reader, Jake Seresin x Daughter!Reader

Warnings: angst, bruising, blood, car crash, inaccurate medical talk, swearing, hospitals

Masterlist

Our Little Girl

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

The warmth of the lake water at the family lake house is what brought Y/N out of her daydreaming along with an electrifying jolt through her body. Why would she be at their lake house? She was just in an ambulance.

There was a distant beeping noise in the background.

"Pulse is back. Vitals returning to normal." Someone said off in the distance. "Someone please notify the family." The voice continued.

"You know he didn't mean it right?" A voice sounded from behind Y/N and it startled her. She turned around and saw the most beautiful woman standing there, she looked exactly like Jake, this must be Dakota. "He loves you." Dakota said.

"The way he said it made it sound like he didn't. He said he wished they would've saved you instead of me." Y/N said, replaying the fight.

"Jake says a lot of things that he doesn't mean. I watched the whole fight and his reactions. He regrets everything he said and did." Dakota replied, "You both love each other even if hurtful things get said." She continued. Dakota walked over to the young girl and placed a hand on her cheek which Y/N leaned into. "You look so much like both of them." She said.

The beeping kept going and it was bothering her but she ignored it. Until a voice came in.

"You can try talking to her. Sometimes they say it helps them come back and they can sometimes hear you." A nurse said to the family that were led into the hospital room. It was silent. "You're allowed to touch her." She added. "I'll be right at the nurse's station if you need me." She said and walked away.

Dakota and Y/N had walked into the Seresin-Bradshaw Lake house and were at the oven making cookies, cookies her Grandma Carole taught her how to make.

"I never want this to end! We're having so much fun!" Y/N said to Dakota while putting another batch in the oven and set the time. She turned around and to the island where Dakota handed her a cookie and they began eating.

"Time is endless here but you have to go back eventually." Dakota said in a sweet voice that mother would do while talking to their kid while Y/N looked out the window. "Your time is not done here and you need to wake up." That made her head jerk to Dakota.

"What did you say?" She asked, confused. A ringing beep went through her mind "Do you hear that?" She asked again.

"I said time is endless here. I don't hear anything Sweetie." Dakota said just then a version of Goose came into view.

"Hey, Chick. They say sometimes coma patients can hear loved ones and I'm hoping you can. Your Dad and Pops are worried sick. I just want to know what happened to make you drive into a storm. I just hope you wake up, I need my pranking buddy back." He said. He got up and bent over and kissed her on the forehead "I love you, Chick." He whispered close to her ear. He walked out of the room feeling his heartbreak.

She felt the kiss on her forehead and his breath on the shell of her ear when he whispered. She could also smell his scent that smelt of cinnamon. She missed that smell.

"What made you drive in the middle of the storm?" Dakota asked

"I wanted out of the house away from Pops. I wanted Grandma and Grandpa Goose. I was going to see them." She said a bit sad. She felt guilty that she's putting stress and breaking her loved one's hearts. Just as she was getting ready to speak, Carole appeared.

"Hi, honey." She said in a hushed voice but still cheerful voice. "I fully believe you're listening to us." She paused and grabbed her granddaughter's hand and started to rub it. "I really miss you. You're my best student when it comes to cooking, don't tell your dad I said that." She giggled. "You're my best girl, I don't want to lose you. Everyone is waiting for you to pull through. You're our little fighter. I love you Y/N/N." She said and kissed her hand and reached down and hugged her.

Y/N giggled at what she was saying. She felt her hand tingle and she looked down at it and then felt her whole body get warm from the hug and then the warmth left. She could smell brown sugar and lavender. She missed her. Why did she have to get into that truck? She should've just stayed put. The timer to the oven brought her out of her daze but Dakota was already pulling them out of the oven and bringing the cooled-off batch over to where Y/N was sitting on the couch and sat down with her with the cookies in front of them.

"They miss you." Dakota said.

"Yea I know but I don't want to go just yet." Y/N said.

"That's ok. You know it was my decision for them to save you if they couldn't save us both. It wasn't your fault." Dakota said and reached over to get a cookie for each of them and handed her one.

"Then why did Pops say that?" She asked.

"It was out of anger. It was my decision." Dakota told her. Before either one of them said anything else. Ice walked in.

"Hey there, Sunshine." Ice said. "How's my beautiful girl doing?" He asked knowing he won't get a response while pushing hair out of her face and occasionally rubbing her forehead. "I saw the truck. It's pretty bad but we all can fix it. That's what we do best." He said coming to rest his hand on her cheek. "You're worrying us all, baby. Everyone just shut down. We told the others what happened but refrained them from coming in until you're awake." He told her and watched her chest rise with the help of the ventilation machine. "I'm just hoping you wake up and jump up telling us all this is a joke, but I know it's not." He paused and was silent. "Cyclone and Warlock were asking about you just a little while ago, we didn't give much detail." He told her. "Cyclone doesn't want to admit it but he has a soft spot for you and we all can see it." He laughed "I guess I should let the others have a turn. I love you, Sunshine." He said and kissed the side of her head.

She felt it and could smell his lemon and jasmine scent. She just wanted to reach up and hug him. "What day is it?" Y/N asked Dakota.

"Here it's a never-ending day but it's Friday 12 PM." She told her niece. Maverick was the next to walk in.

"Hi, Peanut." He began "I really don't know what to say. The last time I was here like this was when your Grandpa Goose had his accident but he pulled through, I know you will too, you have the Bradshaw stubborn genes." He said it was heartbreaking. "Peanut. You're strong as fuck, excuse my language, you've been put through extensive pilot trianing and even pulled g's, if you can survive that you can survive this. I believe in you and so does everyone else. We all love you and want you here with us. You're too young to leave this world, there is a lot left for you." He paused, clearing his throat trying to hold back tears but they were already falling "You're important to us all, even more important to Jake and Bradley. They need their little girl back, I don't think they could function without you." He said as he put his hand on her thigh and rubbed it. He got up and kissed her forehead "Be strong Peanut." He said and left.

She laughed at that and felt his hand on her thigh, the kiss on her forehead, and the breath on the shell of her ear. She could smell his jet fuel and sandalwood scent.

"Pilot training?" Dakota asked and Y/N laughed.

"Yea while Dad and Pops were on deployment Grandpa Ice, Grandpa Mav, Grandpa Goose, and Uncle Slider thought it would be fun to teach me to fly and be a WSO. I went through extensive pilot training and they didn't know about it and still don't." Y/N laughed at the memory and turned to Dakota.

"Are you all going to tell them?" Dakota laughed knowing Jake would flip.

"Eventually." Y/N said. She turned back around when Bradley came in and sat down and just sat there for a minute.

"Hey, Honey." He began tears already falling down. "This is really hard for me and your Pops. He's taking the worst of it." He continued "I hope you can hear me. They said talking would help but I don't know what to say. Last time I was in the hospital you were born and now this time you might wake up and you might not, I'm hoping for the first option." He said. “Honey, your Pops didn’t mean what he said. After the fight he went downstairs and shut down while I tucked you in. He beat himself up and actually cried the only other time I’ve seen him cry was when you were born and he held you. He loves you to the moon and back. I honestly think he loves you more than he loves his F-18. I love you so much, maybe even more than the Bronco and that’s saying something honey.” he said ending it with a sniffle “Please don’t leave us, I don’t think any of us would survive. We really do love you.” he took a shaky breath and ran a hand through her hair “If this is it and you’re ready to go, then that’s ok. We’ll miss you like crazy but we understand. I just hope you choose to stay with us. You’re the light of our lives. I love you, Honey. Come back to us, please.” he ended and kissed her forehead. A few tears dropped onto her hair and he lingered there for just a few minutes. He let out a shaky breath and left.

Y/N had tears running down her face. She didn’t want to leave her family. She felt his hand running through her hair, felt his kiss on her forehead and the tears falling onto her hair. She could smell his honeysuckle scent that reminded her of home. She loved them all. She couldn’t leave them not a chance.

“Sounds like you have people that love you.” Dakota said, making her jump.

“I do and I love them all so much!” she exclaimed “I don’t want to leave them. I just want to keep resting for a little bit. I’m just so tired.” she said and Dakota smiled.

“Of course Sweetie. You still have one more person to listen to.” She said and about 10 minutes later Jake walks in. It was now 1 PM in the other world.

Jake sat down and let out a shaky sigh “Hey, Sweets. I hope this will get to you. I’m so sorry for hurting you, yelling at you, saying I wish they would’ve saved Dakota instead of you, for all of it. I never wanted to turn into my dad but that night I did and I’m so sorry.” He said and tears started to fall. “From the day you were born you were the light of my life and I made a promise to not hurt you and I broke that promise.” he took a shaky breath “I love you so much and I will never stop saying it no matter what happens,” he said. “Slider would probably miss you the most out of all of us. He wouldn’t have anyone to help him mess with Ice or Mav and you know how much he loves to do that.” he gave a watery laugh. The next thing he said was from his heart and nobody knew except Bradley, Jake grabbed her hand and ran a hand through her hair, and leaned down next to her “The day you were born and they gave you to me, I thought my hands were too rough to hold you. And you cried no matter what we did. But your Dad said that that was a good sign, you were strong. It wasn't much comfort when I was holding you, pacing back and forth all night. All you did was look at me with those big, beautiful eyes. I made all kinds of promises to you if you'd just go to sleep. Y/N... I forgot to keep those promises... and I'm sorry. Do you forgive me? I'll tell you every day how proud I am of you, how proud I am that you're my daughter. Just stay with me... please.” Jake was full-on sobbing. He leaned over and gave a lingering kiss on her forehead and tears fell on her face.

“See he loves you and didn’t mean he said.” Dakota said looking at Y/N as she was watching her Pops. She was crying and she could feel him running his fingers through her hair and the pressure when he leaned over to kiss her forehead and the tears on her face. She could smell the woodsy scent and the lingering jet fuel from him working on his jet every chance. She couldn’t leave them “All you have to do is wake up, Sweetie.” Dakota gave her advice and that’s what she was going to do.

Jake ended the kiss and took his hand away from her hair and was about to start walking away when Y/N squeezed his hand and not just a light squeeze, a death grip squeeze and that made him stop short. “Sweets?” he asked and walked back to her as she started to cough and choke on the tube. “Hold on Sweets. Let me go and get someone.” he tried to walk away again but she wasn’t letting up on her death grip. Alarms were going off left and right and her heart rate was picking up alerting the nurses and they came rushing in which the other family members shot up from their positions and rushed into the room and saw the commotion. She was trying to grab the tube but Jake was stopping her then nurses and her main doctor rushed in and just as Y/N opened her light amber eyes and looked up at her Pops. They pushed Jake out of the way but she wouldn’t let him go “Sweets, it's ok. I’ll be right in here, they just need the space to work." That seemed to work because she let go of his hand.

Bradley went to him and pulled him back to the rest. Maverick was crying and holding his mouth. Ice was trying not to show emotion but it wasn’t working. Goose was holding Carole, keeping her from falling. Bradley was doing the same to Jake.

The nurses successfully removed the tube and put a nasal cannula on her and then backed away and some left besides on her main nurse, Nurse Alex. “I’ll get Dr. Hayes in here.” Nurse Alex said and they nodded. Once he was gone nobody dared to move afraid it was just a hallucination.

“Pops?” Y/N said in a raspy voice and held out her hand and he walked to her and grabbed it.

“Yea, Sweets?” Jake asked, tears streaming down his face.

“I forgive you.” Y/N said and Jake leaned down and he reached down and ran a hand through her hair he leaned down his other hand coming to the other side of the face and kissed her forehead, as she grabbed onto his shirt in a death grip. He leans down further and wraps his left hand around her head while her head rests on his bicep and closes her eyes as tears flow freely from both of them. Jake hugs her like his life depended on it and she clung to him like her life depended on it. She was never letting her family go again.

Tag list:

@athenabarnes

@fanboyluvr

@aizawash0e

@els-marvelvsp

#Our Little Girl #daughter reader top gun #daughter!reader top gun #top gun fanfiction #top gun x reader #top gun imagine #jake seresin x bradley bradshaw #jake seresin x daughter!reader #bradley bradshaw x daughter!reader

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pocketgalaxies · 3 months ago

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still trying to wrap my head around keyleth's "i trust orym and orym trusts you so i trust you." bc when she said that my first instinct was disappointment, i think? or at least wishing it was a little different.

i think it would've been so much more meaningful to imogen if keyleth just said "i trust you." to have someone trust her and her integrity, not just bc of the company she keeps but because of her. and to hear that from keyleth, someone that imogen has come to respect a lot. i also think keyleth would be keenly aware of those things – if there's anything i'm sure she's learned over the years, it's that her words have immense weight. this is absolutely one of the reasons she pauses so much when she talks (both a marisha-ism as well as a character moment!)

so i guess i just wonder if keyleth actually doesn't trust imogen enough yet and has to filter it through orym, just enough to give imogen the confidence and validation she desperately needs but not so much that it's a falsification or overinflation? would she lie about trusting imogen in order to instill confidence in her, i want to say probably not? but it could probably go either way and would be heavily dependent on what she's experienced in the last 30 years – what is keyleth's relationship with telling white lies and keeping little secrets, after a few decades as the voice of the tempest? it's easy to imagine that it's changed, but also perhaps remaining honest is something keyleth has come to greatly value. tbh i don't think this was particularly explored in c1, and vm did deceive quite frequently, but never in the role of Mentor to a younger, more naive adventuring party like bh

i do love the follow-up of "i see a lot of myself in you" bc the parallels were there all along and i just never noticed them. young women who grew up in a publicly broken family with the weight of their destiny becoming progressively heavier on their shoulders. unimaginable, overwhelming power coursing through them as they explore a foreign and vast world. questioning every single decision they make along the way. the responsibility of the fate of the world frequently, unrelentingly, falling to them for reasons completely out of their control. not knowing anything but knowing they love their companions and knowing they want to do good. not knowing at all what good is anymore. still striving for it regardless.

it does make me lean more toward yes keyleth does trust imogen, because keyleth knows that imogen does not trust herself but keyleth can recognize that she can be trusted, because keyleth was the same way and she turned out okay. if anyone would understand the simultaneously terrifying but also unquestionable reliability of a truly good person trying to survive in a harsh world, it would be keyleth. but then why didn't she say so! and also i just personally would like to think that keyleth does trust imogen after seeing all that she's sacrificed and the level of dedication she's demonstrated over the last several months. but maybe that's just my bias after seeing every little bit of anguish and anxiety that imogen has experienced, and it's very hard to tell/remember how much of that has actually been perceived by keyleth. but also to see herself in imogen would suggest that she's seen at least some of it?

anyway i'm driving myself crazy. but i wish she could've told imogen she trusts her, and idk what stopped her. :(

#the other explanation is that matt just made a character choice that marisha maybe wouldn't have made and it is Perplexing me.#as we all know i have had a few misgivings with matt's portrayal of keyleth recently :))) so this is honestly very likely :)))))#but that's less fun than trying to figure it out from an internal character perspective so here's this garbage post instead!#would love to hear other ppl's thoughts on this #text #*meta #critical role #cr3 #cr spoilers #cr meta #keyleth cr #imogen temult #r: keyleth x imogen

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dootznbootz · 5 months ago

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Hello. I honestly don't know how to prep this but uh, why do I feel like MM's Circe had so much potential? Like, MM did the lazy thing that is "making Circe's life a living shit show because that's the only way her actions would be justified" which... Is the annoying thing most modern interpretations do.

One good example would actually be EPIC: The musical. But in EPIC it only works because Circe isn't exactly a vocal point. And Circe having a motive plays into a pretty big theme of the show (Specifically in the song "Monster" where Odysseus is basically just... Contemplating everything)

But when you have 400 paged book, focusing around Circe, you have so much potential to focus more on the godly elements of these people. Someone else has said this before but ama say it too. The Greek gods had REASONS for acting the way they did. Zeus misused his power, that's what a king does. Artemis's wrath was unmatched when you wronged her, that's how nature is. Hades took a young girl from her mother, that's what death does.

And I'd like to add some of my own.

Aphrodite is a completely morally gray character, that's how love can be, it can go againts you sometimes. Dionysus was all over the place, sometimes good sometimes terrible, that's what madness is. Hermes is swift and a trickster because that's what people we deem 'messengers' can be like, via rumours.

When you notice these complexities to the characters, you start to realize. Circe misused her magic on innocent people for entertainment, that's what black/evil magic does. But at the same time, she helped Odysseus. Because even evil magic, or the 'worst possibilities' can be useful sometimes.

I think it is SUCH a missed opportunity MM didn't focus more on this aspect. Because that would've made for such an interesting story an unique story. Most of these modern retellings try to push modern ideologies on ancient works, which doesn't work. No retelling tries to tell these stories in a ancient Greek perspective (which is actually fairly easy you just have to do your research)

And with an author as skilled as MM is, I'm sure she could do it. But honestly, I don't think her writing is good in the perspective of Greek mythology. She could probably do a great modern story but let's face it, that wouldn't get as much money.

A story focusing around a goddess, and what it means to be a divine personification of nature and a concept, not to you but to the humans you exist for.You can really focus a lot on that and it could be such an interesting story.

All of these writers to me just seem like they're exploiting Greek mythology, which bugs me. If miller wanted to tell these stories, she would've told THE stories with her own twist. Not completely change them to the point they lose their charm.

If miller couldn't do that, if she wanted to write a complex feminist character she wouldn't have chosen Circe.

Something I really admire in your work is how you characterize these guys. It's obvious you're extremely passionate. I also love how you give Penelope clear flaws. You don't have to mortify everyone else to make her 'stand out' or to be 'more likable'. I really love your fic and I'm wishing you nothing but success in the future! :D

Anyways, enough about MM's book.

What do you think is one of Penelope's favorite little quirks od Odysseus', like something he does she finds really cute? :)

I hope you find pretty flowers today and get a sweet for free, dear anon. This ask made me so happy as it's like, perfect. As you gave a Circe rant that will be fun to dissect but also gave me a silly lil question for me to feast on and for the balance and the silly and I love it. You also sent it at the perfect time as I was getting a wee bit sad about how women from Greek Mythology get treated by retellings and fandoms. This really cheered me up 🩵

And thank you so much for the sweet compliment! It means so much to me that you love my silly lil guys as I love sharing them! And don't worry I am working on stuff! ;~; I know I'm taking a while but I am!

I'll do the cute stuff Penelope loves about Odysseus :P

(I do have them "mirror" each other a lot with "like-minded" so they often have SOME similar traits in some ways that both find endearing about the other. (both love watching the other brainstorm/think/swindle/winning/etc., both love (and are sometimes annoyed by) their stubbornness.) Stuff like that :D Also in general. Thank you, Anon. You've made me realize I've been going a wee bit too crazy with Penelope and kind of forgot about Odysseus.

1.) This is a past post that goes into it more but she just adores his freckles. She has counted them and memorized them. She's going to kiss every single one. He mostly has them on his face and shoulders but they are peppered a lil everywhere (he gets it from his mama). She uses the freckle pattern he has across his nose as "stars" for her tapestries.

Rando: Hey, that's not how the stars are mapped. Penelope: They're my stars, asshole >:(

She has to do a "recount" when he returns as some of his "stars" are covered by scars now :')

2.) She loves his hair and how well-groomed he usually is. He also is a bit like a cat in how he loves being pampered. (lil post about that) She loves scratching at his scalp and at the tiny hairs that are at the back of the neck. She loves the pretty grays he has when he returns as well :') She really loved how he looked without and with a beard. (It doesn't end up growing too long anyway)

3.) He's very warm. She's not really affected by temperature too much (she's used to freezing rivers and she herself is naturally cold. Her average temperature is colder than the average person. She only really has to worry about "drying up".) she loves his warmth. She wraps herself up in blankets while he's gone despite not really needing them sometimes as...she misses her furnace. (also his snoring) He also wraps himself in her blankets while away but sadly wakes up to them tossed about because he gets too hot. He needs his lil iceblock wife.

4.) She just adores his big laugh. The laughing so hard you cry one. Hearing it was kind of a "...Okay, I wanna hear that again." for her.

5.) He tends to bite his lip. Sometimes it's endearing and hot but he also will often rip at them. She tries to help him with this habit by distracting with kisses...Though with her teeth, it doesn't always help. Fun fact: For their first kiss on the lips, they were so stupid excited that he knicked himself on her teeth. She felt awful but he just kissed her again. It was bloody and bad but they were so happy. His bad habit returns when he's away because he's not getting his kisses 😔

6.) He whistles while he whittles often.

7.) So ancient Greece had yo-yos (probably in Odyssey but I'm getting silly with it)...and Odysseus is a nerd who WILL do tricks with them. (they can be made with wood and string so... odypen lol) He has fun trying to show other people how to do it too. It's a nice fidget. (modern day he would have definitely been that guy with that rubix cube lol)

8.) So Penelope is better at getting more for less, (lowering prices) and Odysseus is better at giving less for more. (selling shit for good things) They both can do it but they have their strengths.

9.) He got big eyebrows and with his weird "face shifting" thing he inherited from Autolycus, he can make a lot of silly faces.

10.) He tends to make sandcastles whenever he waits for her at the banks of rivers.

11.) He's a "heavy stepper" when he's not sneaking. It's not because of his scar. He just likes walking like that. :) Not so much "stompy" but she finds it cute that she knows it's him coming based on the footsteps she hears.

Some things that annoy her >:3

She's incredibly ticklish and he's not so much and he keeps doing it. STOP IT >:(

So she's smaller than him in mine and in general, he loves draping himself across her (he's like a cat remember?). Most of the time she loves that weight as she loves him and he's a warm weighted blanket. Though while she's strong, he'll sometimes be a brat and put so much of his weight on her just to mes with her. (mostly when they're young and dumb. not so much after he returns)

(Not this big of a size difference ofc but you know >:) )

Those are some and I have more rattling around in my head but I wanna finish this ask and I gotta do some shit :')

Thank you again, Anon. This made me happy <3

#anon #Mad rambles #shot by odysseus #penelope of ithaca #my headcanons #ask #save me morally gray circe #anti circe #anti madeline miller #odypen #odysseus #🩵#thank you so much!

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monstersinthecosmos · 8 months ago

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I use TVA/B&G to backwards engineer The Devil's Minion a lot, not only as a rare and detailed insight into how human/vampire relationships tend to go in this series, but also just how many things they had in common, all the parallels, all the ways you can ask if Armand was working through his Maker Issues, and of course the final excuse that their hand is forced because the human is dying. But I think often about how much Marius struggled with it, and although he caved in the end, he changed his mind sometimes, he knew he was a monster, and it's always going to be the struggle of whether you love someone enough to let them go or if you love them too much to let them go, do you curse them with darkness or do you keep them so that you aren't alone in your own darkness, etc.

But I've wondered a lot how that journey went for Armand, how often he maybe changed his mind, if he felt tempted but then reminded himself he's a monster and shouldn't, and I'm absolutely haunted by their final separation before the concert. Lestat's book comes out, Daniel is wandering, Armand can't find him (or is avoiding him?) and there's just so much here, and how much of their relationship was violated by reading Lestat's book independently before speaking to each other, how much Daniel would've learned without Armand's consent or before he was ready, and how much Armand's abandonment issues would've been ripped the fuck open by reading about Marius and what he had to say.

"Whatever will happen will happen, but choose your companions with care. Choose them because you like to look at them and you like the sound of their voices, and they have profound secrets in them that you wish to know. In other words, choose them because you love them. Otherwise you will not be able to bear their company for very long." "I understand, " I said. "Make them in love. " "Exactly, make them in love. And make certain they have had some lifetime before you make them; and never never make one as young as Armand. That is the worst crime I have ever committed against my own kind, the taking of the young boy child Armand. " "But you didn't know the Children of Darkness would come when they did, and separate him from you. " "No. But still, I should have waited. It was loneliness that drove me to it. And Armand's helplessness, that his mortal life was so completely in my hands. Remember, beware of that power, and the power you have over those who are dying. Loneliness in us, and that sense of power, can be as strong as the thirst for blood. If there were not an Enkil there might be no Akasha, and if there were not an Akasha, then there would be no Enkil. "

It's just wow like.

Sincere advice that he never got to receive? In the same sentence as hearing he's a mistake? Does he read this and think he should make Daniel out of love, and at the same time feel all the more monstrous, and want to resist?

The choice is taken from him anyway, and he's forced, just as his own turning was forced. And as @nightislandnoveltymug pointed out recently, he treats it like a funeral.

#this was supposed to be a quickie paragrpah like HEY REMEMBER WHEN ARMAND READ TVL AND IT SAID TO TURN PEOPLE OUT OF LOVE LOL #but i got carried away #i had a long ass talk yesterday about armand's abandonment issues and whether or not he feels like a failure #and im really like suffering a lot lol #also to memeify the lestat/armand rivalry there's a happier version where lestat editorialized marius a little just to be a dick #TO HELP ME SLEEP AT NIGHT LOL #marius de romanus #armand #daniel molloy #devil's minion #tvl quotes #armand/daniel #marius/armand #vampire chronicles

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remedyturtles · 1 year ago

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cmh x dw ficlet

literally just a short lil thing i wrote bc @callmehere-iwillappear and i were smacking our AU's together like dolls talking about if death wish sensei/leo and call me here leo met ... and then i got emotional abt ghost leo being a touch starved baby who doesn't get any hugs LMAO

[]

"What's with the tree?" The dead version of himself asked, kicking the trunk of the tree and looking up to watch the vibrations ripple up and shake the branches.

Sensei thought he looked so young, but he always thought that about his Leo. Though this new one had a quality that was different -- a hungry sort of loneliness, something in his eyes was almost desolate, like someone lost or homeless. He had been immediately willing to jump into the mindscape when they said maybe he could interact with them in there. "I'm the tree." Sensei said, waiting for him. They'd decided on Leon for the ghostly version, if only to save confusion with three Leo's in one brain. Leon's grin was flawless, turning to Sensei and saying, "Hey man, you look great for a tree." "You look great for a ghost." Sensei said. "Are you coming to see if you can get a hug or not?" The grin wavered. He didn't come closer, one arm hugging the other in what was probably a subconscious self-soothing gesture. "It probably won't work." "Where's your scientific method? Donnie would be so disappointed." Sensei goaded. He wondered how many times Leon had tried to get a hug and failed in order to be so pessimistic about it. It was a sore spot in his throat to think about. "Do I look like I know science?" Leon replied, and it was so a front because any Leo in the world would've absorbed at least the basics of the scientific method from their twin by sheer osmosis alone. "Test your theory before you discard it." Sensei didn't want to push him, not getting closer, but opening his arm in offer. Visible conflict on Leon's face. Want and pain. It vanished like smothering a fire with a blanket and he said, "Fine, but only because an old man like you looks like he needs a hug." Sensei snorted. He waited, and Leon approached, reaching out a hand. It shook just a little, and landed on his bicep. "Oh." Leon said, disbelieving. Then threw himself at Sensei. It was such an unexpected burst of energy that it knocked him directly off his feet. Sensei oofed and laughed, squishing the littler Leon to his chest. Leon tried to say something but it only came out as a strangled noise. He squeezed his eyes shut and buried his face in Sensei's plastron. Sensei's heart broke for him, rubbing his shell in circles how he knew all Leo's appreciated. "Heads up!" Leo shouted, leaping from the branches and colliding with their hug. It burst a hysterical laugh from Leon's chest, rolling to include the new body in their tangled hug, holding tight like they didn't need to let go.

#fic stuff #death wish #“im taking a writing break” they said #apparently lying #rem fic

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z0-ne · 2 years ago

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May I request a Goku sister reade, where the reader is Goku's half sister they both have the same father but a different mom so he doesn't know her but later on king Kai tells them they need to find her cause she will help them fight since she's strong, so shes half sayian and half another race, her race are very calm and powerful people let's call them (race name) she's really strong and smart also pretty calm :O

Thank you for the request! I'm not sure which arc you wanted this to be so I decided to make it a little earlier on in the series (Near end of SAIYAN SAGA) (and begining of NAMEK SAGA) so the reader still gets to meet goku and gohan pretty young! Hope that's okay!

Siblings (Platonic!) (Goku x Older! Sister! Reader!)

"You said what!?"

Goku suddenly yelled out, not believing the information that was being told before he would be offically wished back to earth to fight the saiyans.

"Yes, believe it or not, you have an older sister. She's incredibly strong."

King kai expected this outburst from him, and responded to it calmly with his hands folded behind his back and looking up at goku like he usually did.

Goku leaned forward and pointed to himself, wanting to make sure king kai was actually reffering to him at the time rather than someone else who just looks like him.

"Not to point out the obvious king kai but- uh- I haven't exactly had the best experiences with family, especially with older siblings."

This seemed to enrage King kai as he frantically moved his arms around in the air as he scolded goku.

"I know that! This ones different though!" Quickly gaining his composure, King Kai turned away from goku and cleared his throat before he spoke again.

"This woman will benefit you as long as she is on your side. Goku you must find her and let her know you're her sibling."

As series as Goku knew he should've taken all of this, he couldn't help but find it strange that this woman didn't go with raditz to find him and why he had to find her instead.

"Okayyy but, How is she gonna know it's me and I'm not lying to her?"

A vein in King Kai's head popped up, and goku just kept talking despite it being slightly obvious that he was over staying his welcome a little. "If anything it sounds like you just want me to walk up to her like raditz and expect her to believe me."

"JUST GO FIND HER!"

That yell was enough to finally get him to take a hint and quit talking. It was honestly better for them all if he just waited for his friends to wish him back.

Hopefully by then, and maybe after the fight with the Saiyans things would be cleared up for him.

-____________________________ 'Okay, let's see...(Name)...(Name)...Are you there?'

A familiar strange voice called you from the sky while you were in the middle of gardening.

Unlike your late father and step family, your planet was not only free from alien overlords, but was also left to it's peaceful ways and calm nature.

The only issue was that you weren't able to travel with your father, seven long years you had known him and he still left you to your uncaring mother who was frightened by your strength and sent you away.

You were a monster in her eyes.

It was great that you had a grandmother to care for you, and accept you despite your weird strength and odd appetite, but even she would leave sooner that you would've liked for her to.

"Oh? Hello there strange man from the sky." You went back to your gardening, this voice was one you had talked to a long time ago. A near death experience that actually encouraged you to take the more relaxed side of your bloodline rather than the Saiyan side. It was actually a good thing you did that.

It helped to clear you mind, so when you did train you also managed to exceed in areas your father possibly couldnt before he had you, and then dissapered.

"Is there news on my father?" 'I'm sorry. Unfortunately he's dead...he's been dead for years now..' After the voice told you that, you simply let out a little 'Oh' and turned back to your gardening. While it looked like you weren't effected by it, you were just ignoring how hurt you actually were.

He wasn't the best father, but while he was there he spent time with you. Trained you, and showed you slight kindness when he could manage it.

It hurt you a little to know that he was dead now.

"Well..was it at least painless?" 'I cannot say, but I can tell you that he didn't leave you alone. You have two more brothers, one evil and dead but the other is alive and well!'

This caught your attention, and caused you to glance up at the sky for a quick second.

You were a little angry before you calmed down and grew curious. He left you and made a whole new life, with new children only to die without possibly sparing you another thought.

It made you wonder if he ever cared enough to remember you after he left at all.

"Well, what does he look like? Who is he?" 'His name is goku. He's the spitting image of your father, and he will arrive in five months from now.'

You hummed before giving a verbal response and saying farewell to eachother. While you were pulling the weeds from your garden, the only thing on your mind was everything you just learned.

He was never in love with your mother, that you knew.

Still. You thought he at least grew to think of you as what you were, his daughter. Only to find out he left for years, never came back, and started a new life.

"The spitting image of my father.." You could feel yourself getting more and more upset as you mumbled and repeated those words from the man in the sly. That sadness mixed with your rage became distracting.

So distracting that you didn't realize your ki had rised, and it started to effect the enviornment around you.

Blowing things out the way, shoving some animals a few feet away from you, throwing little stones around and slightly shifting the purple grass underneath your knees.

"My father.."

"That bastard.." You randomly reached out and ripped something clean out the ground. It felt too deeply rooted to be a weed so it snapped you out of your rage.

When your vision cleared, you saw that it was not a weed, but it was on of your flowers that you had planted there and taken care of for some months.

You gasped, all your rage subsiding as a horrified look took over your face.

"No! My tulips!"

_____________________________________

(Five Months later)

Five months. It had offically been five months since you've last heard from the man in the sky, and five months that you've been training to meet this younger brother of yours.

Maybe you might be directing your newfound resentment towards your father to the wrong person, but even if it turns out that you don't want to fight him.

It was too late to even have second thoughts about what you were doing because today was the day that he was coming around to your planet and meet you.

As you stood there, hands crossed over your stomach, shoulders relaxed, eyes lowered slightly and watching as the giant spaceship land infront of you.

Slightly burning the grass as the flames at the bottom of the ship got closer to the ground before shutting off as a whole. Then there was a door that opened, and from the corners of the ship, you saw someone with large eyes and spikey black hair.

They peaked down at you from the top of ship, and then they jumped down after yelling something inaudible due to how far away from you they were.

When he landed infront of you, and you got a good look at him you could feel yourself getting upset all over again.

He really was the spitting image of your father.

"Hey! I'm Goku! You must be my sister, right?"

He introduced himself, and pointed at you as he slowly approached.

You were cold to him and stepped back, not changing your stance but you did rise your ki slightly, and it caught him off guard.

"I am."

He paused for a moment, and you thought you had him stuck.

Only for him to extend his arms and wrap them around you, picked you up off the ground and just held you there for a bit.

"Good to meet you!"

He said as he put you down and left you a little stunned. He looked like your father, but this man acted absolutely nothing like him! Your father was a cold man. Hardly smiled, held you, hugged you, or even told you he loved and cared for you. Sometime it seemed like he cared for you, but really all you did was train under him.

"Come on! Let's go, we've gotta hurry to Namek!" "Namek? Why Namek? To destroy it?"

You asked as you followed him inside the large ship, and he turned to look at you with a confused look on his face. It made you think that you said something abnormal.

He was a sayain after all, it was in his nature as far as you knew.

"Huh? No, to save my friends! Actually, you've got a nephew there!" "A Nephew?"

You questioned as you walked around the spaceship with him, the doors closing behind you, and the lights coming on after it shut and locked. "Yeah, his name is Gohan, and he's really strong. I'm sure you'll like him!"

He smiled as he talked about his son, and went on to tell you about earth. His human wife, and all his friends. Apparently he even died once and came back.

You would question that logic later.

As he went on to talk about everything, to keep you updated on everything and everyone you'd be meeting, fighting and possibly saving with how rough Namek sounds.

"What about you? King Kai didn't tell me everything about you, so I wanna know!" You were shocked that he asked, but answered him none the less.

You told it just how Goku told his, from the start to the very end. Not every last detail, but you told him enough so he had an idea as to what you might've went through.

After you finished, he was sympathetic, and even apologized. It caught you off guard and made you look at him odd. He was frowing and his eyebrows were furrowed.

Goku wasn't rude at all, actually now that you were talking to him it seemed like your feelings of resentment, anger, and sadness completely dissapered.

He man that stood before you was absoluetly nothing like your father

You started laughing, and he looked at you as you continued to laugh. It wasn't until he asked you if something he said was funny that you finally stopped long enough to answer.

"You may look like our father, but you're nothing like him."

"Is..that a good thing?"

"It's a great thing Goku. If anything, that raditz fellow is more like our father than you." "Oh thats good! Also- Not good- was our dad evil?"

Sorry for the long wait!

#goku #dbz x reader #dbz fanfiction #dragon ball z x reader #x y/n #platonic love #sister brother #pls do not read this and think romace #anime #x reader #dragon ball z #goku x reader

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miserypanic · 8 months ago

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I've seen other people write their own experiences with being aroace, and that inspired me to write my own 🙏 I'm not typically a writer, so I apologize if this is disorganized.

When I was pretty young, I had a best friend who was also a guy, so people just assumed we were dating. And I guess that convinced us we had to date because we thought that's what boys and girls who were close were supposed to do?? Looking back, that mentality is very stupid, but I was also a child 💀. Skip a few days, we kissed, and I didn't feel anything!! 🤗 I literally scrubbed my lips after, and if that doesn't say anything, idk what does LMAO

A couple of years later, I thought I was bi because out of nowhere, girls were more appealing to me than before. I identified as bi up until 13 years old, when I realized I wasn't attracted to boys at all, so I told myself I was a lesbian. That only lasted for about a year and a half because I was confused again. I was unlabeled/confused for a while too, until I started accepting that I'm aroace. Through it all, I knew I was asexual but I was also sort of in denial.

It didn't help that whenever people asked who I had a crush on, I always said "nobody" and people's response to that was "you're lying" what. who are you to tell me that?? 🤨🤨 I've never had a crush on anybody, and from the looks of it, I probably never will. I hate that whenever I explain my thoughts to someone, they act like they understand and then somehow completely forget or disregard what I've told them. I think that's been the most frustrating thing, not having anyone who understands or at least listens to me.

Some aroaces have been content with that they've felt this way since they realized that's what they were. I, however, have felt like something was wrong with me because other people made me feel that way. I thought I was missing out or something, so I tried convincing myself to have crushes on people because that's what Im supposed to do, right? no, dumbass, it's not!! Crushes come naturally, and my ass didn't realize that/was in denial. 13 years old, I convinced myself that I had a crush on this girl, and I asked her out. She said yes, then not even a day later, I thought I should break up with her because I didn't feel anything like I thought I did. After a couple of weeks, she broke up with me, and I forgot exactly why, but I was entirely content with it.

The attraction that I do have, though, is aesthetic attraction. I definitely think some people are nice to look at, but I wouldn't date them or do other things that aren't solely platonic. I didn't know aesthetic attraction had a label until very recently (that would've helped me realize my identity a lot sooner 💀) Last year I thought a guy in my class was attractive and I got nervous around him because he intimidated me so I thought I had a crush on him. I didn't 😁. I just thought he looked really cute. It was kind of a letdown, but I didn't stress over it after I realized it. If anything, I saw it coming.

What made me realize I was aroace was the question: "Would you date this person or do sexual things with them?" It's always no. "Would you hold hands with or maybe kiss them?" Hell yeah!! As long as it's platonic. The thought of being in a romantic or sexual relationship is unappealing to me. Romantic/sexual relationships feel forced, and there are certain rules you have to follow to stay together (at least it appears that way), but in platonic relationships, the only rule is human decency. I've always valued platonic relationships more, and I wish other people did too.

#aroace #aromantic #asexual #lgbtqia

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she-posts-nerdy-stuff · 1 year ago

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Hi! Other people have talked about this, but have you ever thought about how the destruction of Kaz's life led to the preservation of the other crows' lives? Without Kaz, none of the other five would have made it to the events of Six of Crows. Inej and Nina would've died at their respective brothels, Wylan and Jesper probably would've died in the streets of the Barrel, and Matthias would've died at Hellgate. I just think it's interesting and almost poetic how all the horrible things that happened to Kaz meant that he was in a position to protect the other crows from horrible fates themselves. Kaz was all alone with no one to help him, but he helped the other crows through his personal tradegy. Five lives were spared while one was destroyed. It's especially considering Kaz's 'destroy everything' mindset. I wonder if the crows realise this. I wonder if Kaz realises this. How would they all react? Sorry, this got really rambly, I just can't stop thinking about it. Do you have any thoughts about this? (Hope you don't mind me asking?)

Hi, first of all of course I don’t mind you asking I live getting questions so much!!! And second of all this is such an interesting topic and it’s so true!! This probably includes a lot of the same things that you’ve already said, but I’m just going to copy and paste a text message I sent my friend about this topic about a year ago:

“I’ve thought about this before and I really think it’s a true statement of Bardugo’s writing skill; they’re lives aren’t inexplicably intertwined or connected so they met by fate for an inscrutable purpose, but their connections with each other allow them survival and to achieve their purpose, whether they believe it to be divine or otherwise, but it’s Kaz, who feels outside of or desperate to the group, that is the cause of it all. He represents so much without doing anything, he is their entire life force in so many ways, but the real tragedy of his story is that his happiness was sacrificed because his purpose is to lead them to their purposes. Nina’s purpose is to unify Fjerda and Ravka, Matthias’ purpose is to lead her there, Inej’s purpose is to protect young people like her, Wylan’s purpose is to create change in the upper classes and to make people realise the hardships faced by everyone in the city, and Jesper’s purpose is to guide Wylan to that. But Kaz? Kaz doesn’t get his own fulfilment, he had to sacrifice his childhood to give them their fulfilment instead, but he will never realise that. His loss of Jordie means that all of them can achieve their purpose and change the world, but Kaz has been left with nothing but blame that he must find someone to pin on. So he gives it to Rollins. Rollins is by no means a good person, but the undeniable fact is that Jordie still would have caught the Queen’s Lady Plague, and probably still died from it because even the richest people who could afford medicine were still being killed by the outbreak. Kaz needs someone to blame and get revenge on so he can bring his own fulfilment about, and I think that’s the most heartbreaking thing about him. Everyone he’s ever cares for found their purpose, but he has nothing beyond destroying Pekka Rollins - and he even admits it himself. He says he’ll take down Rollins, and when asked what he’ll do next he says “I don’t know. Build an empire, then burn it to the ground” ”

Fun fact: that conversation culminated in me saying that I wished there was some way of writing my essays about the Grishaverse, or basically saying that essays shouldn’t be gatekept to academia and that if I want to write and publish studies of the Grishaverse then I should be allowed to. All of you have made that possible for me, it’s amazing, and I can’t believe there are nearly 1000 of you following along thank you so much

Thanks for your question!!!

#grishaverse #leigh bardugo #six of crows #crooked kingdom #inej ghafa #kaz brekker #nina zenik #jesper fahey #wylan van eck #kanej #soc kaz #six of crows kaz #six of crows meta #soc meta #dk's grishaverse asks answered

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dracfields · 3 months ago

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avon ships i'm obsessed with in no particular order (some are popular and some aren't, deal with it):

avon and blake: DUH. remember when aeryn from farscape said "you're like a plague, john crichton, and you have ruined my life. and yet, i just keep coming back"? avon could've said that about blake too (or thought so, or avoided to think so, but it would've been true in any case). he hates how much they rely on each other, how he can't control himself at all when it comes to blake, his actions contradicting his words. blake sees through his façade, and in that way he's closer to avon that anyone's ever been in years; avon is the only one who always remains critical of blake's plans and actions so blake trusts him more than anyone who follows him blindly. blake is avon's weakness and he wants so badly to be free of him but he's under his skin so even when he's gone avon's still tied to him and permanently following his track. "sentiment breeds weakness. let it get a hold of you and you're dead". sentiment ended up killing him and everyone he loved. yippee.

avon and anna: avon was the mistress here, guys, and he didn't mind, and they planned to get away and he fucked up and never forgave himself for it. but then it turns out it was all a lie, he was betrayed, he allowed for it to happen by being vulnerable and letting someone in, and it doesn't matter that she said their love WAS real. he was never free of her. and it happened all over again with blake (anna was married, and blake, too, was married to the cause, if you really think about it)

avon and jenna: might sound random and i know it's a rather niche ship but bear with me. avon and jenna who are both way too fond of blake and know the other is, too. avon trying to get jenna to leave with him and abandon blake in cygnus alpha. all their back and forth witty banter. i just think it would be neat if they had a fling, either a hate sex thing or a bitter one where they both wish they could have blake but he's just too busy with The Cause TM

avon and tarrant: i've read way, way too many a/t fic at this point, guys. tarrant being this young brat who keeps trying to undermine avon's authority, challenging his leadership as often as he can; by the end of the show, he's as loyal to avon as anyone could be. and avon puts up with it, tarrant's little more than a pain in the neck, and he doesn't care about anything anymore except when it comes to people he really cares about. in some ways tarrant felt like a cheap replacement for blake, but once avon has become the lead (blake, but not at all) tarrant is more like a discount avon. it's all wrong, but when everything has been lost, at least having something similar to what was, or to what could have been, is better than nothing... and this is why i love all these fics where a/t is a thing but avon doesn't really love tarrant, he's just a replacement for blake, and tarrant knows he's being used but he either thinks he's strong enough to put up with it OR he's stupid enough to fall in love and then he can't let go of what little he can take.

avon and servalan: i think they had crazy chemistry and it was very fun to see them trying to kill each other and then turning that into flirting because they both like that the other is smart so outsmarting each other was hot. i also like that even though the dynamic is often aggressive/dominating on avon's side the same can be said for servalan, so it's more like a back and forth. avon hates her but he also finds her attractive and intriguing because she's smart, but servalan i think was really into him and kept trying to turn him into her ally

#blake's 7 #blake's 7 spoilers #b7 spoilers #kerr avon #sorry guys sometimes i really want to yap about b7....#and yeah i don't HATE avon/vila or avon/cally i'm just not into the ships that much sorry

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armpirate · 1 year ago

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The Only One || JJK || Ch. 23

Pairings: mafia!jk x fem!reader

Genre: smut, angst, mafia, contract relationship

Warnings: Prostitution, torture, blood, use of drugs and weapons

Summary: You've always wished for a better life. Every single day at work, you were hoping something would change. Although you didn't think that change would come in the form of one mysterious man and a contract.

His controlling and selfish behaviour only wanted to keep you away from any other man that wasn't him, and you only had to wait for him.

Too bad you really thought you'd be smarter than Jeon Jungkook.

Previous || Next

MASTERLIST

Jungkook moved his thumb over the titanium ball of his eyebrow piercing, focusing too much on the slippery touch of the piece of jewelry while his mind was busy with just one thing: Y/n. It had been weeks since she left, and he still wasn't able to understand how all of it happened in front of him. As much as he tried to find an explanation to it, it just made no sense. Even if it could've happened right up in his nose, he wasn't able to tell how she could get all the information. She didn't know Korean to understand anything that could be of use, and she was too busy trying to get her ass in problems to worry about his issues.

He found the phone, he found the texts, but there was something off about all of it. Sanhyuk clearly didn't want her as a scoop -he was convinced there was someone else, and that was why Jihu was still under supervision in one of the safe houses that he had spread all over Korea.

Either way, soon the word was spread all over his family. The seven members of the Bangtan family agreed on keeping that deal with Sanhyuk as a secret so it wouldn't get any bigger, and also congratulated Jungkook after taking a good decision. He knew that if he hadn't done what Sanhyuk wanted, the other six bosses would've jumped at his throat and also forced him to leave his position -the same position his dear father left him.

Although he couldn't disagree more about the decision...

—Don —he rolled his eyes when he heard Siu's voice breaking the silence.

—I told you not to call me like that.

—Sorry —the young man apologized, taking a hesitating step towards his desk—. Jihu said he wants to talk.

That sentence got Jungkook moving his eyes from the gray wall to the gangster, confused at the sudden change of opinion from the person who used to be his man of trust. But it wasn't like he was able to think straight, when his brain was focused on getting answers finally.

Soon he stood up from his chair and was ordering his driver to get him to the same place he locked Jihu in, and that everyone in his crew knew of -because he made sure they'd take turns to look after him, and also create awareness indirectly by seeing what could happen to them if they ever thought about betraying him. Not like it really worried him. In general, he was well-respected, most of the people working for him would look down whenever he passed by, and would take a bullet for him any time. But it was better to make sure something like that wouldn't happen again.

He stepped inside the room, seeing a beaten Jihu kneeling on the floor, with both of his arms on each side of his body. He barely could recognize him, his swollen face -by the several hits- were covered in blood, that was rolling down the -already- dry stains.

—Hope you have something interesting to say —Jungkook mentioned, lazily letting his head fall slightly to the back.

—I really don't know what he wants from Y/n —he assured him.

Jungkook breathed deeply, slightly closing his eyes before he was completely focused on the man kneeling in front of him.

—You took her to him —after reminding him that, he squatted in front of Jihu—, didn't you? —the old man just looked down— I'm sure you also kept him updated on everything related to Y/n, so tell me —grabbing him by the hair, nails almost digging on his scalp, to force his barely open eyes to stare into his own—: you did all of that without a fucking explanation? Do you really think I will buy that you acted blindly? —his tattooed hand pulled from his hair, gaining a complaint from the man.

—Sometimes you just need to act blindly —he muttered—. You've kept coming here time and time again, every day, and you always get the same answer. I don't really know what he wants to do with her.

—And I'll keep doing it until you speak —Jungkook sighed—. Look, I don't really care about how much he paid you —he stood up, cleaning the sweat and grease on his black slacks—, but I want to know what the fuck he's planning.

He dug his hand in the right pocket, moving his fingers over his phone to reach the cigarettes. Somehow, the mere action of placing the cigarette in front of his parted and broken lips was enough for Jihu to accept the invitation, lighting it up as soon as the orange part was trapped in his mouth. The tip lighted slightly when he breathed in, later letting all the thick smocking spill from his nostrils.

—You know me more than anyone, and you know that if you're good to me, I'll be good to you —Jungkook assured him.

But that comment only made Jihu scoff, as if he weren't the one in a disadvantaged position.

—You're just a kid, playing to be his father —he ironically mentioned, barely understandable, because he still tried to keep the cigarette in between his lips.

—Could be —Jungkook nodded—. I'm still smarter than you. At least enough to know when to keep my mouth shut.

Right after saying that, he took the cigarette and turned it off, rubbing the burning tip against Jihu's forehead, making him whine and scream in pain at the first contact.

—Y/n is the only reason you're still alive —he mentioned, throwing the cigarette away—. If you aren't going to be useful, I won't hesitate to kill you right now.

It was the first time, after all of his visits, that Jungkook was threatening him with death. After many times going there, trying to get to a solution that would work both for Y/n and his family, his patience was up, and so was Jihu's chance to drag that moment forever. It was as if the mention of those words actually scared Jihu, because the way he looked at him from the ground completely changed.

✸ ✸ ✸

Y/n cornered herself, sitting as far away from the door as possible when she heard the steps getting close to it. The sudden lightning made her close her eyes instantly at the momentary pain, after forcing her eyes to such a sudden change. It took her too long to get used to it, because when she opened them again, it was too late. The same man who always took her her lunch, was grabbing her by the arm and pulling her whole body up so she could walk along with him without giving any problems.

A big impulse to get away from his grip was suddenly forgotten, when she saw the red finger marks around her wrists.

Whatever she did, Sanhyuk had a punishment for it. He said he wouldn't tolerate her looking at him wrongly, and he meant it. Every time she wasn't able to control her own eyes, she'd be reminded. Every time her tongue slipped one of her comments, a reaction would come right after. She ended up being aware of every muscle of her own body, and learnt to hide her own thoughts so she wouldn't feel tempted to say them out loud.

She was dragged through the house, stopping in front of a white door -that was opened by a tall and slim woman that looked down at her. And considering the poor conditions she was in, she understood.

She forgot the last time she showered -although she was sure that it wasn't in that place, not even once-, just like she forgot most of the taste of food -because she wasn't given anything else other than rice. And through her mind crossed the idea that she was being treated like a dog, but she was sure that most dogs were treated nicely than her.

The man pushed her body inside the wide bathroom, with the woman dodging her body before closing the door behind her.

—Shower —was the only word she heard from her.

Y/n wanted to refuse, she didn't want to shower while being watched. But she knew the consequences to her words, she knew what would happen the second she pronounced the "N" only. Actually, the darkness she was surrounded by was one of her punishments, because the previous day she refused eating -thinking that it'd force Sanhyuk's men to bring him to her.

Breathing deeply, she started taking her stinky clothes off. It was the first time she was disgusted by her own smell and her own body, moving her arms the least before stepping into the shower.

Despite the pressure, it was the first time in a long while her whole body felt relaxed, even lighter, under the warm water, throwing her head back while closing her eyes -as she tried to get as much of it as possible. Although, not too long after, she heard the female voice hurrying her to finish.

Only covered with a white towel, she was pushed to the chair in front of the wide mirror, where she could only see the form of her figure because of the steam. She didn't know what was going on, she just let the woman do whatever she wanted to her, seeing her through the corner of her eyes every single time she put her hands on her. She pulled her hair while brushing it and drying it, put some makeup on her face and threw all the tools she used over the sink.

It was weird. It felt weird to see her own reflection after so long, and it felt sad seeing all the marks and bruises she was indirectly protected from pointing out. She managed to get an idea of where the wounds were placed, by the way some spots in her face hurted, but she didn't think it would be that bad. And after getting the makeup done, the woman was only able to hide the biggest bruises, but the line of dry blood on her broken lip, just like the most recent -and darkest- bruise wasn't totally covered with the work she tried to do.

And it wasn't like she cared either.

When she got up from the chair, she saw a black plastic bag flying to her body -and she barely managed to catch it in the air-, followed by a pair of shoes that collapsed against the floor, before she was ordered to put them on.

New underwear, new clothes... There was something wrong going on. Although she didn't manage to see through it all until she was dragged outside the house for the first time, getting inside a gray car. Just like the day she got there, filled and surrounded by tall and thick men that wouldn't hesitate to stop every attempt at running away.

Her eyes squinted when they entered an empty pub. And judging by how bright it was outside, it didn't surprise her, but it made her feel out of place, wearing that black velvet dress, tight to her body, at that time of the day.

She kept walking through all the place, suddenly seeing some faces that seemed familiar. She wasn't sure of when she had seen some of those people, but she was sure that it wasn't in Sanhyuk's place. Or maybe it was indeed there, but losing contact with any kind of person for two weeks tricked her mind.

Her heart stopped beating when she stepped inside an office, and she was able to recognize that wide back under a black blazer, she'd be able to point out that posture out of a lot of people. And judging by his reaction when he spotted her, as she walked past him and towards the desk -motioned by Sanhyuk-, she was sure Jungkook was as surprised as her to see her there.

—I thought you'd like to see her —he shrugged, wrapping an arm around her waist—. After all, you've spent some time together —looking up to her, and switching from Korean to English, he squeezed her side—. Don't be rude, say hi.

Gulping thick, and knowing how not doing it would end up, she muttered a greeting, looking down almost immediately.

She was ashamed of the state she was in -desperate to hide the bruises and cuts that the make up wasn't able to hide-, but she also was proud, trying to hide the help she was craving while avoiding making eye contact. But it wasn't like Jungkook needed her eyes to speak, her body language was enough and Sanhyuk's possessive and cocky expression was also speaking volumes. He still looked for more though, scrolling his eyes to her arm, down to the marks on her wrists and her elbows.

—I'm treating her like a queen. Better than you, actually —Sanhyuk mocked them both—. Just like she deserves.

Jungkook had to make his best to control himself, feeling his own fists tightening next to his thighs. He knew that, when Sanhyuk interrupted the talk about territories, he'd do something to get on his nerves. But he didn't think that he'd use Y/n for it. And he almost got away with what he wanted, especially when he spanked her ass in front of him before he told her to leave them alone again.

There was nothing new coming from that meeting. Sanhyuk was the one who called him in, yet he still paid no attention to what was being said, there was no interest on his side.

—This is fun —Sanhyuk chuckled—. Any other time, you wouldn't have come. But since I have something you want, you ran here. It's so fun when tables are turned.

—Not for long though —Jungkook assured, getting up from his seat.

—We'll see —he pointed to the door—. But for now, you're the one with the tail in between your thighs.

✸ ✸ ✸

After coming back from that short visit to the pub, she was escorted back to her room. Although there was light back in there.

—Boss said that you did well. This is your reward —the voice said on her back, before he closed the door and locked it.

Breaking down, she ripped the dress and threw the heels against the wall, falling down on her knees as she hid her face on the mattress.

The fact that she had to consider a glimpse of light a reward was the only thing left she needed that day to fully lose herself, losing count of the time she spent in that position and in that state. At least until she heard voices again.

She rushed to the closet, trying to find a t-shirt, to at least cover the only naked part of her body before the door was opened. And while she expected the same man that would always bring her her lunch, she rushed to grab the shoe she threw to the wall when she saw Jungkook being pushed inside the room, before the door was closed right after.

Fast, he dodged the stiletto, but right after she was the one all over him, hitting his body annoyed, unable to understand what he was doing there. The volume of her complaints kept increasing, forcing Jungkook to cover her mouth with his hand, and holding her hand with the other, forcing her to stay still.

—I'm not supposed to be here. Shut up if you don't want either of us getting in trouble.

Days after sending her to Sanhyuk's place, he made sure to get a contact that would at least keep him updated on how she was doing. But looking at her in that moment, without all the makeup, he could tell that she was in a worse state than she was warned about. He was able to tell she looked slimmer when she got inside the office, but he had wished that was the only thing that was wrong with her. Up close, he was aware of the barely perceptible black eye, and the light bruises on her cheeks.

For a hot second, she felt grateful to see him there, and she'd have jumped right in his arms if she hadn't got back to her senses fast, getting rid of his hands and stepping back.

—What are you doing here?

—I just wanted to check on you.

Jungkook only wanted the contact temporarily, just in case there was a strange move from Sanhyuk's side. At least until he managed to find a way to get her back neatly. But he abused his power, and increased the money he'd pay after seeing her in his office. Clearly, his source wasn't as honest or aware of most of what was going on, because there was a lot of information that was being kept from him.

—I don't need anything from you —she hit his arm—. I'm not your problem anymore, so leave —she pushed him, although he barely moved—. Leave —she hit him again—. You had no issue sending me here, so leave just like that.

While her lip trembled with her words, Jungkook was able to see that thin line of blood on it. Unable to control himself, he cupped her face and rubbed his thumb under the wound, surprised by how accepting she was of his touch.

—I'm sorry —he whispered.

Y/n was taken aback by those two words, and the clear sign of regret in his eyes for the first time since they met. Both of them could feel his phone shaking in his pants constantly, but they still stayed like that.

—I'll take you out of here. I promise —Jungkook assured her again.

—Who says I want to go back with you, huh? —she pushed him again— Why would I trust you? It was so fucking easy for you...

—It wasn't —he stopped her—. You really made me have no choice. And the only reason I'm here right now is because I want you to be okay.

He was going to continue, but the constant vibration in his pocket made him sigh and finally reach for his phone. Face completely pale when he realized it was too late to get out of there like he was planning to.

—What? —Y/n asked.

—Sanhyuk is back.

If she needed a better explanation, Sanhyuk's voice from somewhere in his house confirmed what Jungkook was saying, making them look at each other nervously, as if that would give them an answer on what to do.

Taglist:@kaiparkerwifes @sheylamc @amy2006jones

#fanfic #ff #jungkook #jeon jungkook #jungkookxreader #jk #bts #wattpad #kookie #smut #jungkook smut #mafia!au #The Only One #reader insert #armpirate

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