#things have gotten so much worse it's unreal

[lesbiansanemi]

We’ve officially hit the point where I can’t fucking sleep because of this shit and on top of everything the AC went out I literally want to cry I’m so stressed I physically feel like shit like I need to throw up I’m so tired but between my stomach hurting, the stress, and the heat I can’t

[honeyednights]

.

[suireunie]

FRAT BOY [PSH]

summary: The frat boy sunghoon always had a big effect on you. And worse you two are friends and you can't stand anymore~

word count: 4.9k

Warnings: sunghoon×reader, fratboysunghoon! Dirtytalk, spanking, unprotectedsex!(dont), dom!sunghoon, sub!yn, roughsex!, eatingpussy!, bigdicksunghoon!, possessive!sunghoon, hickeys, if there's more let me know!

English is NOT my first language 🥹

This sunghoon photo make me feel something 🔥

HE SO HOT I CAN'T-

Pwese lord have a mercy 🥺

○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○

"Can’t you pay attention to me?" he mutters. sunghoon's lips graze your shoulder as he nuzzles his head into your neck from behind, unable to hide the sulky expression plastered on his face. God, how was it possible for someone to be so warm? It’s unreal how comfortable he’s gotten with you.“Why don’t we go to a party? Leo’s hosting one, and you’ll be my plus one.”He knows you're not the type to go out. Much less to a fraternity party, and *especially* when you have exams. But you've spent your time prior studying for what seemed like the whole day with finals just around the corner, holed up in your dorm still. On a *Saturday*, at that. He can't help feeling a little neglected by the lack of attention you usually bestowed upon him. Studying came first to you. He knew that. You’re practically a nerd, and he also knew that you wouldn’t step a foot near people like him. Probably blonde, those who go to parties seemingly every night, rich to the point of spending it lavishly on booze and joints. The kind who fool around. But he's different, somehow. You wouldn't have let him get close to you the way he is now if he wasn't. Sunghoon felt special, needed. Wanted, even. He loves it as much as he loves you. He couldn’t help depending on you to reassure him with your mere presence. He's never felt this strong of a connection with his previous relationships, and that's saying something. "You don't even have to stay for long," he implores. "I just want you to meet my brothers. They've been asking me to introduce you to them." Sunghoon wants to show you off, wants to scare anyone who might look at you wrong. It's better than beating people up if they rubbed him the wrong way. You won't let him, of course, but he doesn't want to take any chances. It's one of the things he's realized about himself. How attached he was to you to the point of letting everyone know that you're his. You’re the air he breathes.

"You can't just stay in your dorm studying the whole day," he argues. Sunghoon’s body presses against you, his chin resting on your shoulder where he’s practically plastered himself against you like a cat. "You’ve been going at it for hours.”He lets out a dramatic sigh, and you can practically hear the whining in it. “It’s Saturday. You should *relax*."His hands fall down on your waist, and immediately, he wraps himself over you like a human blanket. He nuzzles his face on your neck, his warm breath sending tingles down your spine. It’s always like this with him, clingy and needy and demanding attention.

“Don’t you want to spend some time with me?” he asks, feigning innocence even though you know he’s aware of the answer. Sunghoon’s grip around your waist tightens.“Be my plus one to the party,” he murmurs into your skin. “Say yes already. Come on.”

"Ughh okayy" You accept his party invitation.

His lips twitch into a smirk, pleased at how little effort he had to use to get you to agree. It made him think he could get you to bend to his will just by asking (no) questions.Still clingy, Sunghoon rests his chin on the crook of your shoulder, taking the opportunity to breathe in your scent. He's gotten addicted to it, much too attached to you. It's a wonder how he didn't think himself crazy for relying on you so much."See? That wasn't so hard."

"Shut up!"

"And here I was," Sunghoon drawls with mock-hurt, a teasing smirk on his face. He nuzzles his nose against the side of your neck, placing a gentle kiss with a soft hum. "Trying to be nice."

"But then you go on to tell me to shut up," he sighs, feigning disappointment. You can almost hear the pout in his voice. His palms brush against the bare skin of your waist, sliding down to caress your thighs. Sunghoon's grip tightens once again, pulling you flush against him as he gently places another open-mouthed kiss on your neck."You’re so mean. Why are you being mean, angel?

"I rolled my eyes "if you want to go with me to party then let me finish my lesson, go away. Now!"

Sunghoon’s expression turns into a sulky frown, his grip on your body loosening as he complies. He never show his side to others. This side of him only for you. Normally, he is cold and don't give a fuck of other people. But with you, he is behave like child. He reluctantly peels himself off of you, taking a step back and crossing his arms with a huff. “Fine, fine. I guess I’ll let you finish studying.”A beat of silence stretches between you, and he finally speaks up once more. “I’m not leaving, though. Just let me sit on the bed.”

Sunghoon rolls his eyes, but he complies with your instruction without protest. That doesn’t stop him from letting a quiet grumble escape under his breath, though. "*Women.*" He climbs to the edge of your bed, his long legs sprawling out as he makes himself comfy. Sunghoon keeps his gaze fixed on you, watching as you continue to study. Sunghoon watches you focus on studying, trying his best not to get distracted. But the sight of you with your hair down and your tongue peeking out in concentration makes it damn near difficult for him. As much as he wants to pull you away and do something *fun*, he’s trying his best to be a good boy and keep his hands to himself. So he’d only sit there, and wait and wait as he silently stares.

Sunghoon glances at the time, then turns his attention back to you, his expression a mix of eagerness and excitement. He’s been looking forward to this moment ever since he got you to agree. "Are you done studying, yet?" he asks, his eyes roving over your figure. He’s always been impatient when it comes to you. "It's already time to go."

He rises to his feet, already making his way towards your closet. Sunghoon has never had much filter with you, and he makes no effort to do so now. He starts rummaging through it, looking for an outfit that’s suitable for the party. “Let me pick something for you.”As he continues to flip through the hangers, sunghoon hums to himself - almost like he’s trying to impress you by showing off his taste in fashion. He eventually grabs a dress he deems satisfactory. “You’ll look hot in this,” he tosses the dress over his shoulder, facing you with a sly smirk dancing across his lips. “Change into it.”

Sunghoon remains standing beside your closet, waiting patiently as he watches you pick up the dress. There’s a certain aura radiating from him, almost primal as his gaze never leaves your figure. He’s eager, practically buzzing with anticipation to doll you up the way he wants you.“Hurry up,” he mutters, running a hand through his hair. “The party’s starting already.” "Wait me downstairs"

He lets out a huff, but reluctantly nods. His mood has shifted towards irritability due to the impatience bubbling within him.“Fine, sure. I’ll be downstairs,” Sunghoon mutters. With one last lingering look in your direction and a grumble under his breath, he finally leaves the room.

You changed your clothes and wore his picks for you. The dress was so amazing and make your curves more attractive. You picked your favorite high heels and doing your make up as well. Sunghoon was waiting for you and you went to him.

Another minute passes, and just when he’s about to text you, the sound of footsteps approaching the stairs catch his attention.His head perks up from his phone, and his expression shifts from irritation to pure smugness the moment he sets his gaze on you. He takes a moment to appreciate how the dress flatters your figure, and how your hair has been styled. He was right, you look hot.He pushes himself away from the wall, his eyes raking up and down your body. He can’t help but let out a low appreciative hum, completely pleased with the way you look. Sunghoon takes you in - your legs, your face, your hair, the way the dress hugs you in *just* the right places. “Not bad,” he murmurs, eyes slowly lifting to meet yours. “I know how to pick ’em, hm?” His gaze lingers on you, almost like he’s mentally undressing you. It’s a battle to refrain himself from touching you, Sunghoon’s hands twitching by his sides as he resists the urge. He can’t help but bite his lower lip, his eyes roaming up and down your form once more. “Come on,” he murmurs, taking a step closer towards you. “They’re waiting for us.” Sunghoon reaches out to grab your wrist, tugging you towards the door without much delicacy. Once he reaches it, he pushes it open, the sound of music and voices from the outside filtering in. He leads you to the car parked in the driveway, unlocking the passenger door for you.

Sunghoon makes sure that you’re settled in before he walks around to the other side and hops in the driver’s seat. He turns the keys in the ignition, the engine roaring to life as the car rumbles underneath you. Sunghoon glances over to you from the corner of his eye, his gaze filled with something that’s unreadable. The drive is short, and soon enough, the two of you arrive at the house where the party’s being held. Sunghoon parks the car in an open spot, taking the keys out before climbing out of it. He walks over to your side and opens the door for you, holding his hand out to help you out.His expression has turned completely stoic now, his hand gripping yours tight. The possessive edge to it was clearly evident, as if he’s afraid of someone looking at you. He leads you to the entrance of the house without letting go of your hand. As soon as the two of you step in, loud music blasts into your ears, the lights in the place pulsing to the beat of the song. Dozens of people are sprawled out in various places - drinking, talking, making out. Sunghoon starts to guide you through the house, his arm almost protectively wrapping around your waist. He keeps his gaze trained ahead, expression stoic. Some of the brothers greet him - their eyes immediately darting to you. Some of them look curious, while others look amused. It’s almost like they were expecting his plus-one. Sunghoon doesn’t spare them another glance. He leads you into to the living room, and pulls you onto his lap once he’s sat down on the couch. Sunghoon tugs on your hand, gently leading you through the crowd of people. Some of them pay attention to you as he passes by, a few of them greeting him with a drunken grin and a “yo” or a “hey bro.” He doesn’t even glance at them, his attention solely fixated on you. He’s on high alert, his eyes constantly darting around as if scouting the room. Sunghoon doesn’t want anyone else looking in your direction. All he could think about was how hot you looked right now, how he picked out the dress that you’re wearing, how he’s basically using the party to show you off to everyone like a trophy. Sunghoon reaches the kitchen and pushes through the doors, the sight of the counter filled with an assortment of drinks catching his eye. He makes a beeline for it, pulling you along behind him.He grabs a cup and starts to mix a drink, using his free hand. Sunghoon’s eyes rove over you with a lazy gaze, his attention only momentarily switching to the task. He takes a moment to admire how the dress hugs your curves, how the lights reflect off of your body and makes you look almost ethereal. His gaze darkens the longer he looks. How was he going to survive the night without having you all to himself?

Sunghoon's hands you a cup without a word, lifting his own as he raises it up in a silent toast. He downs it in one go, the alcohol leaving a trail of burning down his throat - and somehow, the heat seemed more tolerable than how his body reacted to you. His gaze returns to your body, his eyes raking over you up to your face. He’s staring at you intensely, his eyes fixated as if he wants to devour you whole.

You were just enjoying the party, completely oblivious to his thoughts. But Sunghoon's handsomeness was really affecting you. The leather jacket he was wearing and the way his hair fell in front of him were fascinating you. As the party progressed, there was a slight hangover from the drink. The studying for the exams had tired you out and partying was good for you. You pulled away from Sunghoon for a bit and met up with a few of your friends. But somehow you felt Sunghoon's gaze on you. You turned your head towards him and saw Sunghoon with a girl. Jealousy flared inside you. You were friends with Sunghoon, but there was always more to it than friendship. You both knew that he had a soft spot for you and you had a soft spot for him, but you couldn't name it. You stormed over to Sunghoon and pulled him away from the public eye. "Who is that girl?!" you asked angrily.

Sunghoon’s brows furrowed, his cheeks flushed from a combination of the alcohol and surprise at your sudden appearance. He stumbled back a step, trying to collect himself as he faced you. “Jesus,” he mutters, running a hand through his hair. His eyes were reddened, indicating that he had a bit *more* to drink than he should have.“It’s just a girl. Who cares—“

“I care!!!” You snapped, your fists clenched at your sides. Anger and jealousy coursed through your veins, your feelings for him suddenly coming to the surface.You had never seen him with another girl before, and the sight of him with someone else irked you in a way you couldn’t explain. You didn’t like seeing him with anybody else — *only* you. You watched as his face shifted from surprise to realization, his eyes widening as he took in your behavior. Sunghoon never suspected that you had feelings for him. He knew you well, and the two of you have developed a close friendship over time. But there was something different about the way you looked at him right now, and he caught on quickly. “Wait…” he muttered, his words slightly slurred as he reached out to touch your arm. His eyes were searching yours, trying to figure out if he’s reading this correctly. “Are you… jealous?” he asked, his hand closing around your arm, grip is not too tight.

You froze at the question, your body tensing as you realized that he knew. You averted your gaze from him, cheeks flushing with embarrassment. It was true, you were jealous - and he caught on.“What if I am?” you muttered, keeping your head ducked down to avoid his gaze.Sunghoon’ s grip on your arm tightened, a smirk forming on his face. He knew he had you now. “Then why haven’t you told me, huh?” he asked, stepping closer to you until he’s inches away from your face. The smell of alcohol was strong on his breath, the look in his eyes almost predatory. Your heart pounded in your chest as he loomed over you, his closeness both thrilling and intimidating. Despite your embarrassment and anger, your body was reacting to his proximity, your cheeks flushed pink.You tried to keep your voice steady when you spoke, but your words came out in a whisper. “Why do you care?”

He chuckled, his grip on your arm loosening as his hand moved to your waist instead. Sunghoon pulled you closer, closing the gap between you until his chest was pressed against yours. He leaned in, his face mere inches away from yours, his gaze fixed on your eyes. The smirk on his lips widened as he said, “Because I’m jealous, too.”Your heart skipped a beat at his words, your eyes widening in surprise. You were expecting him to make fun of you, to find your jealousy funny and ridiculous. But he was *jealous*. Of *you*. You swallowed hard, trying to gather your thoughts. “Y-You are?” was all you could manage to say, your mind reeling from the unexpected admission. Sunghoon nodded, his grip on your waist tightening once again. His eyes darkened as he looked down at you, his gaze hungry. “You have no idea how long it’s taken me to hold back,” he murmured, his voice low and rough. “I’ve wanted you for a long time, and seeing you with other guys drives me crazy.”

Sunghoon’s lips captured yours in a heated kiss, his hands gripping your waist even tighter. The taste of booze was strong on his tongue as he deepened the kiss, his body pressed firmly against yours. He kissed you fiercely, as if he’s been fantasizing about this moment for a long time and he was finally living it out. You could hear him groaning as his lips moved against yours, his need and desire palpable. The kiss was passionate, a mix of desperation and desire. Sunghoon’s hands roamed all over your body, his fingertips tracing the curves of your hips and the line of your spine. He was desperate to touch you, to have you all to himself. He nipped at your lower lip, his teeth grazing the sensitive skin before soothing it with his tongue. He broke away for a moment to gasp for air, his breath ragged and heavy. “God, I want you,” he groaned, his lips trailing down your jawline, to your neck. He pressed open-mouthed kisses against your skin, his hands sliding up to cup your face. “I’ve wanted you for so long,” he murmured, his voice low and throaty. His lips found their way back to yours, his kisses becoming more desperate.He pushed you up against the nearest wall, pinning you in place as he showered your neck and jawline with kisses. His hands roamed all over your body, touching every inch of skin he could find. His body pressed against yours, his thigh sliding between yours.

He pushed you up against the nearest wall, pinning you in place as he showered your neck and jawline with kisses. His hands roamed all over your body, touching every inch of skin he could find. His body pressed against yours, his thigh sliding between yours. One of his hands tangled in your hair, pulling your head back to expose your neck to his hungry kisses. He bit down gently, eliciting a gasp from your lips. “I can’t hold back anymore,” he whispered, his teeth worrying at your earlobe. “I need you.”

His hand slid down your body, fingers slipping under the hem of your dress. He groaned as he felt your bare skin, his hand gliding up the length of your leg towards your inner thigh.The touch was enough to send shivers down your spine, your body reacting to his touch automatically. You let out a soft gasp as his fingers grazed over your skin, your breath hitching as he continued to trace his way up. Sunghoon’s eyes were fixed on you, watching every reaction with an intensity that was almost feral. “You’re so goddamn hot,” he grunted, his hand traveling higher, higher, until it was almost at the edge of your underwear. His fingers paused, just barely touching the fabric before pulling away. A smirk played on his lips as he watched you, his gaze darker than ever, filled with a primal desire.His thumb traced lazy circles on the sensitive skin of your inner thigh, his touch sending sparks through your core. He was teasing you, wanting to see how much he could drive you wild. “You want it, don’t you?” he whispered, his hot breath against your ear. His head dipped again, his lips moving down to your collarbone. He nipped and bit at the sensitive skin, marking you up. His hand stayed at your thigh, his fingers playing with the edge of your underwear. “I can feel how damp you are,” he murmured, his lips grazing your earlobe. “All for me.”

His head dipped again, his lips moving down to your collarbone. He nipped and bit at the sensitive skin, marking you up. His hand stayed at your thigh, his fingers playing with the edge of your underwear. “I can feel how damp you are,” he murmured, his lips grazing your earlobe. “All for me.” His words sent a jolt of heat through your body, your heart pounding in your chest. You couldn’t deny it — you were practically soaked. “Please,” you breathed, your voice barely above a whisper. “I need you. ”The plea seemed to ignite something in him, and his smirk widened. He loved seeing you like this, all needy and desperate for him. “Say it again,” he demanded, his voice low and rough. “Say my name.”

“Please, Sunghoon.” You whimpered, his name coming out needy and desperate. You were putty under his touch, and you knew it.

He suddenly take you out and went to backroom. You two are alone now As soon as the door closed, the sound muffling the noises from the party outside, Sunghoon pushed you against the wall. His lips were on yours again, his kiss hungry and urgent. He pinned you against the wall, his body pressing flush against yours. His hands roamed over your body, touching and caressing every inch of skin he could reach. He was barely restraining himself at this point, his desire for you almost feral.His lips trailed down your neck, leaving a trail of kisses and bites as he went. His hand slipped up the hem of your dress again, his fingers hooking under the edge of your underwear. He pulled away for a moment to look into your eyes, his gaze almost feral. “I need you right now,” he growled, his voice rough and raw. “I can’t wait any longer.”

He pulled you away from the wall, his grip on your wrist tight as he led you to a nearby couch. He pushed you down onto it, his hand going back to pinning you to the cushions, his body hovering over yours. He leaned in, his lips finding your neck again, his teeth nipping at the sensitive skin. His hands roved over your body, touching and squeezing and grasping, as if he couldn’t get enough of you.His lips moved to your ear, his breath hot on your skin as he whispered, “I’m going to make you mine.” His hand slid under your dress again, his fingertips grazing over the inside of your thigh. He groaned as he felt just how wet you were, his eyes flashing with pure desire. “You’re so wet for me,” he murmured, his fingers gently stroking you through your underwear. You could feel him grinning against your neck, his touch just barely enough to tease you. “You want me, don’t you?”

You let out a shuddering gasp, your body reacting to his words and touch. You could only manage a shaky nod, your words caught in your throat. You needed him so badly it hurt.

He captures your lips in a deep kiss while maintaining his dominant position, one hand pinning your wrists above your head. "And you'll stop hiding those gorgeous tits from me too," He growls, his free hand pulling down the neckline of your dress. "They're mine to look at." His mouth moves down to suck hard on one of your exposed nipples, his tongue swirling around the peak. He lifts his head, his eyes dark with desire. "I'm going to fuck these beautiful breasts soon," he promises, his voice husky. "Spread those legs wider, angel."He buries his face between your thighs, his hot breath fanning over your sensitive flesh as he speaks. "And in my bed, you're mine to eat, mine to fuck, mine to keep awake all night with my touch." He laps at your clit, his tongue rough and demanding.His tongue works overtime, devouring your pussy as he speaks. "You'll be dripping wet for me every morning, ready to be fucked the moment you wake up." He thrusts two fingers inside you, curling them to hit your g-spot.He latches onto your clit, sucking hard as his fingers fuck you ruthlessly. He can feel you tensing, your body coiling tightly. "Come for me, babygirl" He demands, his voice vibrating against your sensitive nerves. "Come all over my fingers and face."

*He feels your body shudder and clamp down on his fingers as your orgasm crashes over you. Without missing a beat, he slides his thick cock back inside your fluttering pussy. "That's it," *he praises, his hips slamming against yours.He leans down, capturing your mouth in a brutal, dominant kiss as he continues to fuck you mercilessly. His tongue invades your mouth, mimicking the movement of his hips. He swallows your moans and screams, his grip on you unbreakable. "Every. Single." He fucks you even harder at each word. "Day" Each thrust goes deep and rough, marking you internally. "Your sweet cunt is mine to fill, to fuck, to use whenever I want." He squeezes one breast roughly, pinching the nipple. Grunting loudly, Sunghoon suddenly pulls out, flipping you onto your stomach. He yanks your hips up, positioning you on your knees. Without hesitation, he plunges back into your pussy, the new angle allowing him to drive impossibly deep. "Fuck, take my cock, angel" He slaps your ass cheek hard, making you yelp. He does it again, causing you to moan softly. He smirkes, spanking makes your pussy squeeze his dick tighter. He picks up speed, his hips slapping loudly against your ass.

He slaps your ass cheek hard, making you yelp. He does it again, causing you to moan softly. He smirkes, spanking makes your pussy squeeze his dick tighter. He picks up speed, his hips slapping loudly against your ass. "Look at you, taking my cock so well." He grips your hips firmly, his pace becoming almost violent. He reaches around to toy with your clit again. "Who does this perfect little cunt belong to?" He spanks your ass again, harder this time."Say it, baby. Say whose cock is fucking you raw right now." His thrusts become even more brutal, designed to make his ownership clear. One hand moves up to grip your hair roughly, pulling your head back. "Who owns this pretty little pussy?" "Y-you, sunghoon-!"

"That's right, you belong to me." He pulls your hair harder, forcing your face into the pillow as he continues to fuck you relentlessly. "I own your cunt, your tits, your ass, your everything." He slaps your ass one more time, the sound echoing through the room. He starts fucking you with such force that the headboard slams against the wall, creating a rhythm that echoes through the room. His hand squeezes slightly tighter around your throat. "I can feel your cunt getting ready to milk my seed... come now..." He pinches your clit firmly.

He pulls out nearly all the way, then slams back in, making your tits bounce. "Christ, you're so fucking tight, I won't last..." He maintains his brutal rhythm, each thrust burying every inch deep inside you. "Such a perfect little fuck doll."You can feel his warm breath on your neck as he continues to thrust into you, each movement sending shockwaves of pleasure through your body. His large hands grip your hips tightly, pulling you back onto him with each powerful thrust. "I'm close to coming."His hot seed begins to spill inside you, filling you up completely as he holds you down on his massive length. He pants heavily, his body shaking with aftershocks. He pulls out slightly, then slams back in, making you whimper. He slowly pulls out, his softening length coated in your juices and his own cum. He watches as it drips out of you, a satisfied smirk on his face. "Fuck, look at that mess..." He gently spreads your cheeks apart, watching more of his seed leak out.He traces his fingertips through the mess between your cheeks, gathering some of the combined fluids. "Such a good girl... taking every inch of my thick cock like that." He suddenly slaps your ass firmly. "I should probably clean you up now."He walks to the bathroom and returns with a warm, damp cloth. He gently cleans between your legs, wiping away the evidence of their intense encounter. As he does, he can't help but admire how swollen and used you look. "Your pussy is so red and puffy, you were so good my sweet angel"

You were completely tired and Sunghoon pulled you into his chest. He caressed your hair. "I love you so much, I knew now wasn't the right time to say it but be my lover. I can't be friends with you anymore. I've always wanted you. "I've always wanted to be your boyfriend. Please be mine, baby, please"

You turned your head towards him and smiled. "Yes, I want to be your girlfriend." He smiled at you and hugged you tightly. Finally, what he wanted the most had come true and he was happy about it.

○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○

○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○○

[screamlet]

“I wish you would write a fic where…” Through whatever contrivance, Buck tries to woo Tommy back through trivia. Maybe he gets Tommy’s team in on it, or the emcee/host - but it’s all Tommy-themed questions because Buck is trying to prove he knows him. Does it work? Maybe it’s all surface level and it hurts Tommy as much as he appreciates it. Maybe he revealed more than he thought and Buck was listening, taking it all in. Maybe Tommy decided to participate against him and inadvertently reveals something or accidentally says he loves him or something. If you would like it, I humbly offer whatever you can do with this premise!

heeeeey it took one million years but here's something!!! i love shenanigans, i hope this lives up to them.

bucktommy fix-it, 2k

read on the ao3!

---

Tommy's not exactly kidnapped.

He's met in the parking lot at Harbor by Hen, Karen, and a couple of big smiles, and then shoved into the backseat of their car and driven off somewhere. 

"You know, it's been my experience that some people text when they want to hang out," Tommy says.

"So you did ignore my voicemails!" Karen yells. "I knew it."

"It's not personal!" Tommy says.

"I'm taking it very personal," Hen replies. "Like hell you're leaving the Christmas card list again." 

"I'll move."

"Not in this housing market."

Tommy groans because it's true. 

And see, that's a little crazy but a little fun, to know that they care enough to abduct him and take him out for the night. It's then not really surprising that Howie's waiting for them at the bar they used to frequent ages ago, when Tommy was still at the 118. 

"I got the cuffs," Howie announces, a pair of very-real looking handcuffs dangling from his fingers.

"Those better not be for me," Tommy says as Karen pulls him out of the car with shocking strength. 

"Don't worry, they're not LAPD property," Hen assures him. "They're Bobby's."

"Please stop making me learn things," Tommy says.

He's already handcuffed. Howie's living-with-a-toddler sleight-of-hand has gotten unreal. 

It's around this time that one shock wears off and another dawns: this is a scheme and Tommy is trapped.

"No no no no, whatever you're doing—"

"Chim, no!"

The bar's tables have been cleared from the center to make two long tables facing each other. Fine, cute, two teams, it's now clear to Tommy that he has to win Evan back or something with trivia. The difference, though, are the two chairs in the center, where Evan is already sitting (and handcuffed). He turns around, almost tipping the chair over except Eddie catches him. 

"Fine, whatever," Tommy says as he's sat in the chair next to Evan. To make things better/worse (because Evan's so fucking squirmy), their chairs are put back to back so they can be tied together, too. "Oh, we're going full Last Crusade, are we, Howie?" Tommy has to grunt because Athena ties a really, really good knot and again: he wishes he knew less. 

"If you had answered your phone," Bobby says coolly. "If you had bubbled less and texted more—"

Tommy whips his head around and smashes his skull right into Evan's. "Goddamn—you saw that? Why didn't you text, if you were just sitting there watching me type?"

Evan struggles against everything keeping them together, then finally says, "Because you left and you didn't want me! If you wanted me, you would have called! And now we're—" One more hard thrash that gets Tommy in the shoulder. "Kidnapped and this is your fault."

"It's my fault? You wanted me to give up—"

"No I didn't! I said something dumb and you walked out before—"

"No, no, no, we can talk later," Eddie says. "It's time for Buckley-Kinard Family Feud."

Tommy and Evan turn their heads at the same time. "The hell are you talking about?" Tommy asks. 

"It's time to draft your teams," Hen announces. "I'm hosting, so I'm removing myself from the pool."

"This isn't fair! It's Buck's family—"

"You didn't just call me that in front of everyone," Evan hisses. 

"It's Buck's family against me, I don't have anyone—"

"I'm drafting myself," Howie announces. "Buck, your turn."

"Fine, I pick Maddie," Evan replies.

"Don't sound too thrilled," she replies. 

"Your next pick?" Hen asks Tommy.

"I told you, I don't—"

Bobby comes over to his side.

"You're insane," Tommy says. 

"That's not fair!" Evan yells.

"I met him first, Buck," Bobby says placidly. 

"Yeah, but—ugh, fine, then I pick Athena." Evan turns his head and bumps into Tommy's again. "You better not pick Eddie."

"I'm picking Karen," Tommy says. "She's my friend who's a lesbian—"

He can feel Evan tense against his back, probably out of frustration and a deep, deep desire to slam his skull into Tommy's again. He doesn't know how Evan resists.

"I've been bisexual for like, nine months, could you cut me some slack?" Evan asks.

"You spent an entire afternoon reading me articles and watching videos about the three-body problem and you couldn't fucking bother—"

"Because then I'd know," Evan yells. "I'd know that you and me were too good to be true, and I'd know that it was just temporary, and I'd know that you can't live your whole life one way and suddenly a guy kisses you and everything, everything is different, and your life's completely changed! I'd find something that would tell me it can't happen, it's probably not real, and then I'd realize I was wasting your time because I can never really change. If I looked at us too hard, I'd know it was just—"

Tommy's so overwhelmed, his chest so tight, that all he can manage to say is: "Yeah, it's called biphobia, and if you had asked, I don't know, one of the three gay people in your life—"

"I didn't know what to ask, Tommy! Fuck!" Evan tries to struggle out of their bindings again, but then he stops. "Apologize to me for being such a dick about this." 

The room is tense and quiet, eerily quiet, until Tommy finally says, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry, okay? You're right and I'll stop throwing that at you. It's really unfair. It's unfair of me and unfair of, I don't know, the whole world, that made you think this could never be for you."

"That you could be it for me," Evan corrects.

"Sure, whatever." Tommy's voice is nowhere near as light and bitchy as he meant that to sound. "So are we gonna play this game or what? Now that we've got some teams of dubious quality?"

Bobby takes a seat at what is now, apparently, the Team Tommy table. "I know you like fresh pasta because then you can have soft pasta and no one will call you a heretic for not liking it al dente." 

"That's psychotic," Tommy says. "And no one cooks it true al dente, it's always just barely cooked and I shouldn't have to chomp on pasta like a horse to enjoy it!"

Evan says, "And all of you said I was the weird one and he was the normal one."

"Literally no one said that, Buck," Eddie says. "You're both absurd, that's why you're perfect for each other."

"Well," Evan says, "I know you were thinking it."

"You were thinking it, and sometimes thoughts have to make it out of your mouth for people to hear them," Tommy snaps.

The entire room bursts into an uproar and Tommy tries to struggle out of his chair again. "Fine, fine, I'm a huge hypocrite, can I get a point for admitting it!" 

"Yes, just one," Hen says. "Alright, gather up, teams. Bobby and Maddie, you're up first."

"This is a nightmare, this is a nightmare," Tommy whispers to himself. "I crashed my helicopter and this is hell."

"Hey, Mr. Keeping Your Thoughts Inside, we can't hear the question," Howie says.

"You're on my team, you have to be nice to me!"

Howie dramatically pops his piece of gum and says nothing.

"This first question is in the category of fashion," Hen reads off her phone. The TV over the bar has turned on to show a Family Feud style board with four options and Tommy can't believe his vision of hell is this detailed. It's impressive. "Name one novelty apron belonging to either Buck or Tommy."

Bobby slams his hand on the buzzer that someone brought for the occasion. "Tommy has one that says Warning: Fowl Language and it has a rooster on it." Bobby points at Tommy and says, "Sal gave it to you for your fake birthday, which is June 13, but your real birthday is in November."

The room is quiet again.

"You had a fake birthday?" Evan asks.

Tommy looks up at the ceiling. This means that he and Evan's heads are touching and he can't help but lean into it a little. He doesn't go any further, though. "Did I mention I'm like… that there's a lot of things wrong with me?"

"Yeah, these are really struggling to stay in the quirks category," Karen says. "But hell yes, one point! Let's go, Bobby!"

Bobby rejoins the team and Hen strolls down to their side of the room. "Now, Karen: can you name another apron that Tommy owns?"

Karen winces. "Okay, this can be any apron?"

"Any apron," Hen agrees.

"Alright, then I'm gonna say… a plain, utilitarian grey apron that he wears because he doesn't want to use the nice ones." 

Hen says, "Show me boring!"

The word charcoal appears on the board with a (2) next to it.

"Two charcoal ones?" Maddie asks. "Tommy, love yourself."

"Yeah, I think that's the point here and I hate it," Tommy replies.

"Alright, Chim," Hen says. "Name another apron in Tommy's kitchen."

"I think we all saw Buck's lockscreen this summer," Howie says. "Tommy in a sleeveless shirt with a black apron that said Flippin' Awesome and had two spatulas crossed on the front."

"Show me spatulas!" Hen calls out. Another point. 

"Cheap shot," Tommy says. "Evan gave me that, of course you knew that."

"Hey, genius, how do you think people learn things about each other?" Howie asks. "Hen, take it away." 

"Alright, Team Buck," Hen says, wandering over to Maddie. "Name an apron you can find in Buck's kitchen." She turns her head and says, "And don't think we didn't notice he's Evan again."

Tommy turns his head away and whispers to Evan, "Can you make them stop? Please?"

"Sorry, do you think I wanted to be tied and handcuffed to you tonight?" A beat. "Okay, that's not—whatever, I'm suffering here, too."

"Are you?"

Evan huffs. "I'm tired of chasing after people who don't want me, and you don't want me." 

Tommy stays quiet as Team Buck racks up bonus points for Evan's punny apron collection. 

"I thought you'd call or text, or come over," Evan says, voice quieter. "You said, no matter how bad I want to be, so I thought… I don't know. I waited, Tommy. That didn't feel like the end. And you never answered my voicemails, so."

"I haven't checked my voicemail in five months," Tommy admits. "I saw you left a couple the week after and I just—I couldn't. I knew I'd—I'd press play and before you'd even said Hey I would be in my truck on my way to you."

"And would that have been so bad?"

Tommy drops his head down. "I wanted a clean break so we could both walk away." 

"Tommy," Evan whispers. "No matter how bad you want that to be true… it's not."

Tommy nods to himself. "I'm sorry."

"I should have come after you," Evan says. "I should have broken down your door or, I don't know, hung onto your helicopter like Captain America."

"Yeah, good luck," Tommy laughs. 

Between them, Evan's fingertips reach for Tommy's. They cling the best they can, and Tommy—he clings back. 

"Do you mean it or do you just want to get away from everyone?" Evan asks.

"Well, apparently I can't get away from them." Evan laughs dryly, so Tommy clutches his fingers again. "I mean it. Both of those things. If they take the cuffs off, I won't run. Will you?"

Evan laughs. "Only if you'll follow."

"Then we should make a break for it."

"You got it."

---

read on the ao3!

[sorryitsmyfirstdayonearth]

Hey its me, The Swayze Dean request anon. In the wise words of SpongeBob..."Mr.Kraaaabssss, I have an ideeaaaa"

Sam who's with someone who doesn't moan/make noise easily. Like he'd get desperate and wear himself out just to hear a whine- ya dig?

Helloooo again Swayze Anon (can I call you Swayze Anon?), thank you for coming back with another delicious ask after your lovely request that turned into The Swayze Method ! ❤️ I appreciate you thinking of both brothers, though. Bless. 🙏

Little spontaneous Sam fic below the cut!

The Highest Note - a mini Sam Winchester fic

CWs: 986 words. Sam's bruised ego. Just a touch of smut. Communication.

Sam Winchester likes to think he doesn't have much of an ego.

He's wrong, of course, but that's beside the point. He keeps it in check, somewhat. Doesn't flinch at low-brow insults. He's long gotten past wanting to be liked and is fine with being tolerated. He's not afraid to ask for help, at least not with some things, such as: "sorry, where do you keep the frozen burritos?" or, "you're right, officer, we were speeding, yes, he'll be careful from now on, have a great day."

But getting you to make certain noises when it's just the two of you? Well, it seems he met his match.

It gnaws at him, and that's what surprises him most. He knows sex is a duet, it's about forging a connection. And if you just happen to be quiet, that should be totally fine. But he's... well, Sam has a few tricks. Probably not the amount his brother has, but stuff that's tried and true. And he knows everyone's different, he knows that, he really does. But what does he have to do to get you to make that sound?

That high, voice-cracking moan. An involuntary whimper. Sam loves these noises in his partners. The knowledge that he's made them check out of their body, has given someone that floating feeling, that factory reset. It's sometimes better than the actual coming, though he's not about to verbalize that to anyone.

And he loves sex with you. The chemistry between you two is unreal. Your kisses are the sweetest he's ever felt. Your touches, God, they undo him. There's just something between you that's right. It's only this thing. He wishes he could just not care. But he does. He just does.

Like now. He's been between your legs for a good long while. He loves it there. The softness of your thighs, the way your adorable toes rub along his side, because you're eager to stay in touch. Your smell, your taste. And he knows what he's doing is working, because the way you twitch and tense he's pretty sure is real.

He looks up at you, eyes squeezed shut, bottom lip pressed between teeth. Chest rising and falling as you suck in breath. But not a sound to be heard.

"Just let it out, baby," he says, softly stroking you through the aftershocks. But then your body goes slack, your lip released from its toothy prison, your head rolling to the side. You look beautiful like this, exhausted, elated, and Sam did that. Still, he finds himself suppressing a sigh. Then he crawls up your body, plops down next to you.

You roll towards him, arm going around him as you press your cheek against his chest, hum a little. Sam swallows, then wraps his arm around you too. Gently strokes your hair with his fingers.

"Did you," he asks, feeling insanely self-conscious immediately, embarrassed that he'd ask like this. "Did you like that?"

You turn your head a little, kiss his skin where you can reach it.

"I loved it," you say, voice low. "That was amazing, Sam." Sam chews on the corner of his lip. He shouldn't bring it up, right? The last thing in the world he wants is that you think you're doing something wrong. Just cause he needs his damn ego stroked.

"It's just," he says, taking a strand of your hair, running it between his fingers. "You don't really make, you know, a lot of, I mean, noises, I guess, so I'm just wondering."

Oh, that sounds so much worse than it did in his head. Why couldn't he just say it outright, simply ask, instead has to make it this little game where he pretends he's just casually inquiring.

He's sure he's fucked up, but then you raise your head, look at him and Sam needs to swallow, forces a smile on his face, which probably makes it all worse. You study him, in that unreadable way you have.

"Do you think," you say, voice neutral, but your hand is slowly running along his back, so maybe you're not mad? "Do you think that I don't like what you're doing because I don't scream and moan and, I don't know, holler?"

Sam can't help but huff at that last word.

"No, not at all, just..." he says, then stops. "It, it might have crossed my mind."

You blink up at him, then untangle your arm from him, making Sam's heart drop for a second, but it's only to bring up your hand and brush some of his hair away from his face.

"Sam," you say in that super reasonable tone Sam has come to love so much. "Have you ever considered that you make me feel so good that I just completely lose the function to make any noise?"

Sam opens his mouth, then closes it. Looks at you, trying to read your expression.

"Is that," he says, feeling a tickle of pride inside himself, "is that what it is?" You shrug.

"That," you reply, "and also I just don't make a lot of noises. Always been that way. It has nothing to do with you."

You don't say it unkindly, but Sam still feels dumb. He made this entirely about himself. But of course it's not. He clears his throat.

"I'm sorry," he says, feeling awkward. "I didn't want to make it a thing." To his surprise, you smile softly.

"You didn't," you say. "I mean, I can try being louder. I just can't guarantee, you know." Sam nods quickly.

"Of course," he says. He looks down at you. "Thank you."

You chuckle, and then you're pressing closer to him, your hand wandering from his face down his chest and lower.

"Now," you say as your fingers find him, begin drawing soft circles on him and Sam needs to close his eyes. "Let's see what noises you can make."

Thank you again for the lovely ask, this was so fun! ❤️

[nohaijiachi]

Why I Think The Fandom Has Been Doing Aziraphale Dirty Ever Since Season 1 And It's Only Gotten Worse With Season 2 And It's Killing Me Inside

Before we get into the subject matter of the title let me preface a couple of things:

1- All that will follow is, big surprise, my opinion and my interpretation of this character. Do I think I am The One And Only Who Gets The Blorbo Right and that my ideas are 100% the way the author(s) intended to convey the character? No.

More likely than not the way I see Aziraphale could be intensely different from the way Authorman sees him, or Actorman sees him, and I don't think that my interpretation is necessarily any more correct than anybody's else.

That said, if I also did not think that I am, in fact, correct on a certain level, I wouldn't have bothered forming such a thought out opinion of Aziraphale in the first place, nor would be sitting here, writing this post that I can already tell is going to be entirely too long and might probably ruffle some feathers.

So I'll be writing the rest of this post with the caveat that I while I do think my interpretation correct, I'm also not trying to change anybody's mind nor to discredit anybody's else interpretation of Aziraphale. We can sit here in the sandpit and hold different opinions and still be able to build sandcastles together, it really isn't that deep at the end of the day; I can assure you, I'm not here to fight nor cause fights with this one.

2- With the above point, comes also the fact that I won't bother continuously saying "In my opinion" for the rest of this post. You already know that. So, if something will come across as a bit caustic, do know that it is very much tongue in cheek and I am poking a bit of fun at general fannish habits that I am also very much quote-unquoute 'guilty' of having partaken into, and will partake into again plenty of times in the future, I'm sure.

So, with that: Here's Why I Think The Fandom Has Been Doing Aziraphale Dirty Ever Since Season 1 And It's Only Gotten Worse With Season 2 And It's Killing Me Inside

A large part of the people comprising this fandom prefers Crowley. There, I said it.

This fandom's preference blatantly skews toward Crowley. Can we admit that openly? Let's admit that openly.

To be clear, this isn't meant to be an accusation or recrimination or any other -ation you can think of, I am merely stating matter-of-factly a phenomena I've observed in the last four years.

It is also not a wrong nor bad thing in any way, shape or form. I adore Crowley myself. I love them both so much it's unreal.

But I started with that because I think it is very much a symptom of the fact that a lot of people don't get Aziraphale.

I remember back with S1 there had been plenty of times when I found myself reading discussions and opinion exchanges about Aziraphale and Crowley, their dynamics, all the things that went unsaid behind the things that were said, and found myself genuinely surprised by seeing how some people interpreted certain moments wildly different from how I personally saw them.

I look back at that and I think "Oh, sweet summer child". Nothing could have prepared me from the onslaught of takes about Aziraphale that make me go "Good lord, what???" in the wake of S2, and the infamous Last Fifteen.

Now because I don't want to be pointing fingers at specific things and risk upsetting somebody more than I already am by being open in admitting that, guys, yes, some of the takes y'all have been sharing make me go "Yikes(tm)", I'll move on the interesting part and what I would actually love to discuss, aka cracking Aziraphale's head open and see what that actual fuck is going on in there.

Another preface: Because this duo is intrinsically linked and woven together it is downright impossible to only focus on Aziraphale without also mentioning Crowley, so... Let me circle back to our fav demon bae for a sec, here.

I think the reason why it seems that a larger part of the fandom favors Crowley is because I feel like Crowley is a much easier character to grasp. He is very open in his thoughts and feelings, at any given moment us, the audience, have a much easier time watching a scene and sort of ruminating in the back of our heads about Crowley's motivations for saying the things he says and doing the things he does.

That isn't to say Crowley is a less complex character than Aziraphale. They are very much equally complex and multifaceted individuals with their strengths and weaknesses, their issues and the way they each cope with them, how differently they approach their existence and so on and so forth.

But whereas Crowley as a character presents itself with a certain dynamism and a far more outward openness about his complexity, Aziraphale does the exact opposite; we can say Aziraphale is downright hermetic about it.

For us, the audience, he presents a challenge that requires a good deal of thought being put into him to see over the facade he presents at a more superficial level; he requires time and effort to fully dismantle him in our minds to try and see what makes him thick (other than his thighs), and thus I think it is entirely natural that more people latch on the far easier to identify-with, and relate-to, Crowley.

And that is the inevitable consequence of everything that makes Aziraphale... Well, Aziraphale.

So, where to start? Let's try and jot down what Aziraphale truly is at his core.

He is a contradiction.

This man-shaped being is a walking contradiction, constantly existing in a state of being coated in three thousand layers of misdirection and obfuscation and double thinking.

Why is that? Well. He's an angel.

Aziraphale loves being an angel. It is a tenet of his entire existence and something he cherishes. He wants, so very much, to be his ideal of what a good angel is: An entity who is kind and loving and understanding and forgiving.

Of course us, the audience, know that is utter bullshit, because we know angels can be individuals just as complex as the humans Aziraphale loves so much, with all their inherent flaws and capability for cruelty. And, on a certain level, Aziraphale knows that too.

So there we have it, one element of contradiction: Aziraphale wants to think that angels are always Good and Righteous and Never Wrong; Aziraphale knows that angels aren't, in fact, always Good and Righteous and, by god, can they make plenty of mistakes, too.

What else? How about Aziraphale sitting there, being in love with a demon, fully knowing that at the end of the day demons really ain't that different from angels, and also desperately hanging onto the concept of Good vs Bad.

And he sits there, existing with these two contrasting idea equally taking space in his mind, neither side ever capable of taking over the other.

What else do we have? Aziraphale loves God and wants so hard to believe in Her love for humanity and Her ineffable plan, and Aziraphale also time and again does things that very blatantly go against Her will, lies to Her face, and Doubts. He Doubts, a lot, and that requires the capital letter because those Doubts are what spur him in going against everything he's ever told to believe in order to do the right thing.

Aziraphale's very existence is a constant push-and-pull of things he wants to believe and things he knows are real; things he's told to do and things he wants to do. That's how we get "My side" and "there's a bit of good in you" and "you are the bad guys".

And nothing he's lived through has managed to break him out of this unhealthy way of existing quite yet; that's why he acts the way we see him act in the Edinburgh flashback in S2, or at the start of S1 when Crowley has to ease Aziraphale into the idea of trying to stop Armageddon with the usual song and dance of "temptation" and "plausible deniability" and "you'd be thwarting me", even though from the start we can tell there's a little part of Aziraphale who is clearly not at ease with the idea of the end of the world, and once he's been given 'permission' by Crowley nudging him, he is all the way in with the whole saving the world business, not take-backsies.

Both the moments I mentioned here are very important for different reasons, but of the two is very much the Edinburgh flashback that gets a lot more flack by the fandom and is blatantly misunderstood, which I think is the inevitable consequence of that minisode immediately following the glorious, beautiful, heartbreaking piece of art that is the "A companion to owls" minisode.

I've seen a lot of people lamenting that Aziraphale acts obnoxiously in the Edinburgh flashback and, yeah. He does. But I feel like the fact that we are seeing this after watching Aziraphale struggle his way through saving Job's children, even being willing to go to Hell for it, is a though act to follow and probably soured Edinburgh-Aziraphale for a lot of people, made them think that the character had regressed instead of progressing.

But, see, the way he acts is wholly congruous with who Aziraphale is and has always been and keeps being up to the very end of S2. Yes, even after what he does for Job's children.

If you get down to it, Aziraphale had been ready to give up and let the children die, in episode 2. For a brief moment, after Crowley told him he 'longed to destroy the blameless children', Aziraphale was walking away, having tried all he thought he could try to do to stop this senseless act. That was until Crowley tested him by making the crows bleat, cuing Aziraphale to the fact that his impression of Crowley wasn't wrong, and the he could count on him to do the right thing.

To be clear, I don't want to undermine Aziraphale's action by only giving the credit to Crowley but... It is, also, only thanks to Crowley cajoling him and giving him the right excuses, that Aziraphale feels safe in doing what he's always wanted to do all along.

He'd wanted to save Job's children, and thought he couldn't until Crowley threw him that hell of a lifesaver. He wanted to save the world and thought he couldn't until Crowley nudged him on the path of plausible deniability.

He wanted to save Elspeth's eternal soul, blinding himself to the hardships she'd have to endure in her not-eternal life, and was smacked right in the face by the reality of human suffering multiple times.

The way Aziraphale acts in that flashback can't be a regression, because there never was a progression in the first place: He'd always walked the line between Heaven's and God's will and his own, personal morality and sense of justice.

By all means, if we look at Uz-Aziraphale and modern-day-Aziraphale at the start of S1, his reticence about the whole saving the world business should, by all means, appear as a regression as well. You mean to tell me that he'd been ready to become a demon for the sake of three mortal children, and then suddenly a handful of thousands years later when faced with the prospect of the whole world going up in flames he'd just be all like "Heaven will triumph over Hell and it will be all rather lovely"? Like, fuck off, Aziraphale, you lying double-thinker, you (/pos)

Aziraphale constantly exist while being at war with himself. Circumstances have allowed him to rebel the will of Heaven and God more or less safely time and again, but he never quite managed to break free entirely. He'd always ended up being reeled back in, being fed the party lines, being made to feel shame for his independent thinking, until it all becomes too much and he is forced to step back from that freedom he'd been inches away from grasping.

Back and forth, back and forth, never stopping.

And all of this, all of what he is, makes it so hard for us, the audience, to truly see him. To truly grasp him. To truly watch any given scene with him and figure out what he might be thinking or feeling.

To understand Aziraphale is to understand what he is not saying when he says something, which is a good deal harder to do than it is to understand and relate to a character like Crowley, who very much revel in saying exactly whatever the heck he thinks whenever he damn well pleases.

All those layers of obfuscation and misdirection and double thinking that Aziraphale coats himself in are as much an armor that makes it harder for the audience to understand him as they are his very own downfall because, good lord, if you exist like that, if you exist forced to keep things hidden from yourself, well... It's inevitable that at some point you are going to stumble into pitfalls of your own making.

And I love him for it.

So, there? I hope I managed to explain something with this post, and that it wasn't just the rambling of someone who spends way too much time thinking about her blorbos. To be clear, I don't think people who haven't spent as much time as me trying to dissect and better understand Aziraphale's character are like, dumber than me or anything. It's just that this pair of angelic-demonic blorbos take too much real estate in my mind, lol.

Feel free to let me know your opinion and if you think I am wildly off mark and my Take Is Bad. I might answer, I might not, it all depends on time and my mood ◝(ᵔᵕᵔ)◜

[sl-ut]

ceilings

pairing: ellie williams x fem!reader

description: ellie and y/n are together when they’re in private, but she’s not sure if she’s ready to be with her in public. A newcomer to jackson might be the shove that she needs to decide whether she really wants her or not.

warnings: UNEDITED!!! slight hint of smut, reader has a bad rep, reader is a lil slutty (in a fun way), mentions of bad parenting, slightly mean!ellie, jealousy

words: 4.8K

date posted: 08/06/23

part two

Early morning patrol was going to kill Ellie someday, that she was sure of. The urge to stay in bed all day only worsened as the wind grew increasingly bitter with the oncoming winter. More often than not, she would be paired with Jesse or Dina, who both took their time apart to use Ellie as their unpaid therapist. At that point, she would almost rather have tense smalltalk with Joel or even suffer through Eugene’s ramblings–at least Eugene almost always brought weed to share between them. Plus, waking up before the sun had even risen halfway into the sky was easily one of her least favourite things to do, and her thighs were always sore after riding all day, no matter how often she was on horseback. 

The only thing that made it even worse in the more recent weeks, was that she found it so hard to drag herself out of bed while knowing who was still tucked into the numerous blankets. 

She made an effort to wake up early every morning, turning over as slowly as she could manage in hopes of not disturbing the slumbering figure behind her, settling onto her side as her fingers itched to reach out and feel the smooth flesh beneath the hem of her shirt. In such close proximity, she was able to feel the warmth of her body, blistering beneath the mountain of blankets. The girl was curled onto her side, shoulders rising and falling with every deep breath that escaped her parted lips. Before noticing her own movement, Ellie’s fingertips stroked against the softness of her warm cheek, stroking the sleep-swollen flesh in admiration with slow, gentle movements until the girl’s long eyelashes began to flutter. 

Y/n blinked a few times as she pushed through the grogginess, a dopey grin crossing her features sleepily as her eyes fell on the figure next to her. She tugged the blankets in closer to her chin as she readjusted her head on the pillow, smacking her lips a few times before mumbling out a warm ‘mornin’’.

“Sorry,” Ellie hurriedly pulled her fingers away, “Didn’t mean to wake you.”

“‘S okay,” Y/n yawned, “I don’t mind waking up next to you.”

Ellie flushed, chest burning with the desire to snuggle so close to the girl that they became fused together. Her fingers moved down, searching blindly beneath the blankets in search of Y/n’s own hand, and tangling them together tightly.

The night before had felt unreal. Ellie had invited Y/n over, having made sure that they would be uninterrupted, to watch a movie on the shitty little box TV that she had brought out to her garage. In the dim lighting of the battery-operated lantern in the corner and the flickering TV, Ellie had admired Y/n’s features up-close in a way that she yearned to on a much more regular basis. The night had, of course, ended with Ellie tripping over her own feet in excitement as she was leading Y/n to her bed, wandering hands finally finding their purchase beneath the covers. 

Things had been that way for a while now. Ellie had known Y/n from a distance for quite some time before they started seeing each other, but hadn’t truly gotten to know her beyond a few things until Dina and Jesse ditched her at the Tipsy Bison in favour of Jesse’s bed. The two girls had a short conversation that night, and their relationship quickly snowballed from there. Small talk quickly turned into stolen kisses, and kisses turned into experimental touches–though it was always in private.

“I have to go soon,” Ellie whispered to her, “Patrol.”

Y/n let out a quiet groan, “Just skip today, I’ll do the same. Let’s just stay in bed all day.”

A small huff of a laugh escaped Ellie and she rolled her eyes, “Yeah, and risk us both being skinned alive by Maria?”

The girl shrugged lazily, shifting a tad closer to Ellie and nudging at her nose with her own playfully, “I can make it worth your while…”

Ellie’s fingers twitched, a knowing smirk crossing her dry lips, “Yeah? And how’s that?”

“Well, I was thinking…” She lowered her voice, as if they weren’t completely alone in the privacy of Ellie’s renovated garage, “I could get on top of you, and, you know…”

“I’m listening,” Ellie prompted her to continue with a wolfish grin.

“Well, I would get on top of you, get nice and close,” she giggled, “and then we could go back to sleep for a few hours.”

Ellie chuckled, pinching at her side playfully, “I should’ve known you were full of it when you said you would get on top.”

Y/n scoffed, swatting at her as she cackled at her own joke, “Uh, excuse me! I would get on top if you would let me!”

“Oh please, you wouldn’t even know what to do.”

“You wanna bet?” Y/n wasted no time in crawling on top of the brunette, grasping at her wrists and pinning them above her head with as much strength as she could manage, “What do you think of that, huh?”

Ellie’s eyes dropped from Y/n’s own to her lips, then down to the plush of her thighs from beneath the large shirt that she had worn to bed. She could feel the warmth of her centre through the thin fabric of her panties against the firm expanse of her abdomen, and she could make out the shape of her breasts through the worn fabric of her shirt. Her breath caught in her throat at the intimate position, fingers stretching out as she gauged how difficult it would be to break her hold. 

“I think you’re in over your head. You’re nothing but a little pillow princess, aren’t you?”

Y/n pouted, shaking her head in defiance as she bent down further to ghost her lips over Ellie’s before finally dropping them together in a firm kiss. Slowly, she began to rotate her hips against her, mewling against her lips excitedly and easily becoming overwhelmed at the slightest of touches.

Ellie took the opportunity handed to her, wrenching her hands free and manoeuvring herself to be propped up against her pillows while grasping Y/n’s hips in her strong hands while forcing them to continue on with her movements. Y/n shrieked in surprise at the jostling movement, but didn’t fight Ellie’s clear show of dominance and allowed the girl to guide her hips in grinding down against her abs. 

Small gasps fell from her lips as she urged Ellie to let her go faster, their lips moulding together to a series of sloppy kisses.

“See?” Ellie panted as their lips separated for air, “You can be on top all you want, but you’ll never be in control.”

Y/n moaned as the sensation of cotton rubbing against her sensitive bundle of nerves, the contours of Ellie’s abdomen acting as the perfect surface for her pleasure, murmuring out little incoherent sentences under her breath–a result of both the warm feeling that had begun to pool in her belly and the sheer exhaustion that still gnawed at her brain. Ellie whispered little praises to her, watching impatiently as her face scrunched up with every movement of her hips.

Her peak was torn away as a knock sounded on the door, Y/n finding herself falling face-first into the mattress as Ellie pushed her away as if she had burned her, tossing the blankets over Y/n’s body as the door swung open.

Y/n peeled the blankets off of her face, scowling at her unofficial girlfriend for throwing her to the side so haphazardly, though Ellie hadn’t even spared her a glance as she rushed out of bed and towards the door.

“Yo, Ellie!” Jesse marched straight in after knocking only once, “We’re gonna be late if you don’t drag your ass outta–oh.”

His gaze had quickly shifted past his friend’s alarmed expression to the flushed figure in her bed, a knowing look crossing his embarrassed features. 

“Jesse, what the fuck man?”

“Sorry,” He flickered his eyes to Ellie, not wanting to let his gaze linger on the half-dressed girl longer than necessary, “We’ve got patrol, so I guess I’ll just, uh, wait outside.” He paused at the door for a final remark before closing it behind him, “Hi, Y/n.”

Ellie dropped her head in embarrassment, hands on her hips as she shook her head, “Fuck.”

Y/n crawled out of the bed, cringing as her bare feet met the cold floor. Her fingers reached for Ellie’s back, barely ghosting her spine before the brunette ripped herself away, rushing around the room to collect her things.

“Hey,” Y/n called out to her, “I know you’re probably embarrassed over that, but it’s okay. I mean, he didn’t really see anything, but–”

“Yeah, well I’m pretty sure he’s not dumb enough to not figure out what we were doing,” Ellie remarked as she slid her jeans up over her thighs.

“It’s not the end of the world, now is it? I mean, you know what he’s doing when he and Dina sneak off, right? What’s the difference?”

“Difference is that I know that he and Dina are dating. This isn’t exactly something that I planned on telling people about.”

The blood drained from Y/n’s face, “Oh my God, Ellie. Are you not… I had no idea that you weren’t, you know, out to everyone. I’m so sorry, I would have taken it more seriously if I–”

“What?” Ellie scrunched her face up, “Are you kidding me? I dated Cat, everyone knows that I like girls.”

Y/n paused, the sinking feeling in her stomach returning, only significantly worse than before, “So, you weren’t planning on telling people about me?”

Ellie stood up from lacing up her boots, turning to shrug into her jacket and backpack quickly as she turned back to face Y/n with a sigh. Her shoulders dropped as she took in the wide, teary eyes of the girl she had been quite intimately embracing only moments before, “Jesus, I don’t have time to deal with this right now, ‘kay? We’ll talk when I get back.”

Ellie disappeared out the door without another word or glance, leaving Y/n to collect her things and flee back to her own home. 

* * *

Jackson was not a very big community,meaning that Ellie had come to know who most people were within the first three weeks of her and Joel settling into Jackson for good. Seth was a cranky old asshole, Big Frankie had a bad temper, and Jennifer was cheating on her husband with his brother, only he was too blind to see it. Joel wasn’t exactly one for gossip, so she did her best to follow by example and ignore the kinds of reputations that people held until she could judge for herself. That was until she met Dina.

Dina was the kind of girl who people aimed to please. Generally everyone was instantly drawn to her; pretty, smart, and confident, the kind of girl that everyone wanted to be or wanted to be with. She was the first person that Ellie seemed to actually click with, so of course she was willing to hear and trust her opinion of other Jackson locals. With older people, the general consensus was that they were either nice or absolute dicks with no in between, though things were much more complicated with people closer to their own age. 

There was a clear social hierarchy among the Jackson youths. Dina, of course, was among the top of this status quo, and had very strict opinions of those who she personally did not like. There were a handful of people who Dina wasn’t the biggest fan of, but there was no one else in Jackson that Dina seemed to dislike more than Y/n, though she was never very open about exactly why she didn’t like her, beyond several petty comments or calling her mean names when she passed by with a smile. Jesse had even let it slip one night just before greening out that Dina had once been friends with the girl, but was too out of it to tell her anything else.

Ellie decided that anyone who could have caused such hatred in Dina must have been the scum of the earth, and that it was in the best interest of herself and the relationship that she had with Dina to take up similar opinions, though she still couldn’t quite figure out how that kind of dreadful personality could exist within such a cheerful facade. Of course, Ellie was aware of the reputation that she had around town, and she had taken notice of how she seemed to hang around with different guys every few weeks, but did that necessarily mean that she was an awful person? She had also seen the way that she interacted with others around town, and had heard from Maria how sweet she was with the dogs when she worked at the kennels–things just weren’t adding up. 

When she asked Dina, she was quite vague about the actual issue that she had with the girl, instead choosing to explain why Ellie shouldn’t like her. 

“She’s slept with half the guys in Jackson, and tried with the other half. Guess they weren’t desperate enough to stoop to that level.” Dina had scowled, “Plus she’s such an airhead. Like, I figured that people nowadays needed to have some kind of common sense, but jeez.”

To be quite honest, Y/n was one of the first people who she had taken explicit notice of in Jackson, aside from Tommy and Maria, of course. She was the kind of girl that Ellie just couldn’t look away from, and always seemed to have a peaceful and soft aura about her. Whenever they happened to run into each other, she always greeted her with a smile and a soft hello, only to turn beet red and retreat when Dina came sidling up beside her. Whenever they were both at the Tipsy Bison, Ellie’s eyes couldn’t stop themselves from following her movements, internally cringing as she watched guys run their hands over her body and pulling a boisterous laugh out of her. 

“Can’t believe Keith is the guy of the week,” Dina raised her brows at the sound of the obnoxious giggling.

Jesse shrugged, keeping a neutral position that would only prove to piss his girlfriend off even more, “He’s a nice guy. Seems to like her.”

She snorted, “They always seem to like her, until they get what they want. After that, I guess she lets people see the real her.”

Later on that night, Ellie did actually get to know the real her after Dina and Jesse pulled their infamous disappearing act, and she still couldn’t figure out what kind of person could be so awful under such a starkly opposite front. She quickly grew to like Y/n much more than she wanted to–she wanted to be a loyal friend, to hate the same people that Dina did, but she simply couldn’t bring herself to. But what Dina didn’t know wouldn’t hurt her, right?

It hadn’t seemed to be in the best interest of anyone to be open with her relationship with Y/n just yet. Dina would likely have given her the cold shoulder for God-knows how long, as she so often did with people, Jesse would have been forced to ignore her wherever possible, and Y/n would have faced some serious consequences from Dina and, by association, Jesse. 

Y/n had a reputation around Jackson, and it wasn’t as if Ellie was put off by it, but she couldn’t help but wonder if she was just the latest obsession and would soon be kicked to the curb. As much as she liked Y/n, she wasn’t sure if she was ready to risk losing Dina and Jesse if what they had was nothing more than a passing fling, so it only made sense that she hadn’t told them yet. Plus, that stupid grin on his face was enough of a reason not to tell them.

“Stop looking at me like that,” She drawled, trotting alongside him on Shimmer, “Seriously, I’ll punch that smug little smile right off your stupid face.”

Ellie was honestly surprised that he had contained it this long so far, waiting until they were a fair distance from Jackson to even prod at the questions he’s been dying to ask. 

“So…” Jesse paused, unsure of how to approach the conversation without being maimed by his best friend, “How long have you guys been… Are you together?”

“No,” She answered sharply, “We’re–I don’t know. A few weeks, I guess.”

“Honestly, I didn’t even think she liked girls. Does…anyone else know?”

Ellie rolled her eyes, “No, Jesse, Dina doesn’t know. She would probably kill me, which is why I didn’t tell you, and why you can’t tell her. Don’t bother asking anything else, ‘cause I’m not gonna tell you.”

Jesse grunted in response, nodding in silence for a few moments before he cleared his throat and leaned towards her ever so slightly as he muttered out his question.

“How is it?” He laughed at her incredulous expression, “What? It’s not like you can talk about this with anyone else, can you?”

She shook her head at him, turning her face away to keep her eyes on the path ahead of them, “I don’t–I mean…” Ellie sniffed, deciding to answer now rather than be bothered by him for the rest of patrol, “Yes, it is.”

Jesse howled in amusement, “Holy shit, you like like her, I can see it on your face.”

“I do not, I just–”

“You didn’t even look this smitten with Cat, and you were down bad for her too,” He continued, “So are you gonna ask her out?”

She shrugged in response.

“I don’t see why not. I mean, people talk, but she’s actually really nice, funny, not to mention that she’s like–”

“Don’t you dare finish that sentence,” Ellie pointed at him accusingly, “And you know why.”

“Because of Dina?” Jesse asked incredulously, “C’mon, don’t let her stop you from being happy. What happened between them, that’s like ancient history now, D will get over it.”

“Will she? I mean, she’s never even told me why she doesn’t like her.”

Jesse paused, almost as if he was unsure of how much he should actually reveal about the situation without betraying his girlfriend’s trust, “Listen, it’s really nothing. Just drama from when we were like thirteen, and you know that Dina can hold a grudge, but I really don’t think that she would be willing to just stop being friends with you because of it.”

Ellie shook her head once more, “Just forget it. This is supposed to be patrol, not therapy.” She chuckled at her own words, nudging at Shimmer to get her to pick up the pace and leaving Jesse in her dust.

***

The morning had progressed very slowly for Y/n. She had been left in quite a state; still frazzled from Ellie’s touches, while also distraught from her words. They hadn’t been very public about their relationship, if you could even call it that, but it hadn’t even occurred to Y/n that there might have been a reason behind the secrecy aside from Ellie’s preference to keep her life a bit more private. She knows that Ellie had been upset this morning, and she likely wouldn’t have said the things that she had otherwise, though that didn’t make it any better considering that she was upset because someone had seen them together.

Y/n knew what kind of reputation she had around Jackson. From a young age, she knew that she had issues with being alone–it terrified her to no end. Her father, while still doing the bare minimum, was not very present in her life beyond making sure that she was still breathing and punishing her for getting in trouble. Aside from that, he would have nothing to do with her, and more often than not, didn’t even spend the night in the same house as her. In truth, it would be more surprising if she hadn’t sought out comfort in others, and it was incredibly easy for her. 

The first boy she ever kissed was Frank Cahill, who was a year older than her and just happened to be there at the right moment. She had been crying to herself silently after a fight with her father, curling into herself on the front step of the empty house. Frank happened to be walking by and said the right words for her to fall so easily into his arms. 

From then on, Y/n fell in love with just about every guy she had ever been with. She needed companionship, and guys were willing to give it to her for the price of her body. The only issue being that not many stuck around afterwards, and some weren’t willing to “work for it” beyond what they deemed necessary, so she truthfully could not deny most of the rumours that had gone around about her. Of course, she wasn’t stupid and knew that many of these guys didn’t really like her, but those who were good enough at acting to trick her into believing their sweet whispers truly took a toll on her.

Which is why she was so caught off guard by Ellie’s treatment. Ellie had criticised the way that she allowed guys to treat her in the past, but made it clear to her that she didn’t think of her any differently because of it. If the embarrassment hadn’t been caused by the fact that she was a girl, it left her with no other reason other than that she was Y/n. Ellie was embarrassed to be seen with her, not because she wasn’t out yet, but because she didn’t want to be seen with Y/n in general. 

Ellie was the first girl that she had ever been with. In fact, she hadn’t even considered the fact that she might like girls until she found herself seeking Ellie out and eventually beginning to fall for her. She was different from the others, seeming to actually be interested in her as a person rather than just another warm body, and even after they had slept together for the first time, she still stuck around. She was the first person to make Y/n feel like she was worth more than what she actually believed, but their interaction during the early hours of the morning made her question whether Ellie was actually as trustworthy as she had believed her to be.

Her eyes were droopy as she brushed through the soft chestnut hair of what felt like the thousandth horse of the day. She hadn’t managed to fall back to sleep after returning to her own house and needed to be at the stables for her shift only a few hours later. She was dreading the fact that Ellie would soon be returning from her morning patrol and would be coming straight there to return Shimmer for the night. 

She glanced over her shoulder at the sound of her name being called, managing a cheerful smile as her eyes fell onto Maria’s figure, then onto the shy expression of the girl behind her. 

“Y/n, this is Erin, she and her brother are new around town. I figured that the stables would be a good place for her to start out, so would you mind giving her a little show around when you’re done here?”

Y/n turned to face the girl, taking in her short brown hair and cocoa skin. She smiled at her kindly, nodding to Maria before offering her a hand to shake. The pair had fallen into an easy conversation, giggling quietly together in the corner of the stables as Erin helped her finish grooming the remaining horses.

Y/n found Erin to be a welcome distraction, not even noticing when Ellie and Jesse returned their horses. 

Jesse glanced over at the two girls, then back to his friend, who’s eyes hadn’t left them since they had first set foot in the stables. 

“Who’s that?” She asked Steven as she handed Shimmer’s reins off to him, an uneasy feeling settling into the pit of her belly.

“New girl,” He shrugged, “Weird, though. Could barely get a word out of Y/n all morning before she showed up.”

Ellie sneered as Steven led Shimmer back to her stall, resisting the urge to march over to the pair and stake her claim–but what claim? To the public, Ellie and Y/n barely know one another. They may speak in passing, but there really shouldn’t be any reason for Ellie to feel jealous over Y/n getting along with someone else. This is what she wanted, isn’t it? She had been mortified when Jesse caught them together earlier that morning, so what could have possibly changed enough in the few hours that she was gone in order for her to feel so differently?

The brunette would never admit it, but it had actually felt quite nice to be able to talk about the time that she spent with Y/n to someone–it made it feel much more real, like something real could actually sprout from their late-night talks and stolen kisses. Perhaps Dina could grow to accept Y/n as her partner, though she was certain it would take quite a bit of time for that to happen. 

That dreamy image seemed to shatter as Ellie whipped around, marching out of the stables and leaving the two girls to themselves. 

***

The Tipsy Bison was usually busy on Saturdays, and this one was no different. It had been a full day since Ellie had last spoken to Y/n, unable to get over her own pride and jealousy to approach her while she had Erin at her side, which seemed to be just about all the time now. She was thankful for the opportunity to get to the bar with her friends, to drink until her problems seemed so miniscule that she could almost completely forget about them. 

But then she caught sight of Y/n tucked into a corner booth, sitting suspiciously close to an all-too-obvious Erin. The mixture of annoyance with Dina and Jesse, who seemed to be moments away from sneaking off, the jealousy, and the heat of the hard liquor in her veins had her fuming. 

“Oh my God,” Dina had sneered in judgement, “Looks like she burned through all the guys in Jackson too fast and switched teams. Watch out, Ellie, you might be next.”

Jesse and Ellie shared a knowing look over Dina’s head, his dark eyes silently asking if she was going to do anything about the new girl blatantly flirting with Y/n, while Ellie’s simply betrayed the burning rage inside of her. 

She saw her chance when Y/n got up to approach the bar, leaning her arms on the sticky bar top as she waited for Seth’s attention. Ellie sidled up alongside her, remaining a casual distance away from her as she barked out another drink order for herself. 

“So you and Erin, huh?” She mumbled, glancing at the girl out of the corner of her eye. 

“Sorry, are you talking to me?” Y/n looked around dramatically, hand rising to grasp at her own chest in shock, “Last I heard, you couldn’t be seen with me.”

“You know that’s not…what I meant.”

“No, how could I possibly know what you meant, Ellie? When one person saw us together and you suddenly didn’t want anything to do with me, what else was I supposed to think?”

She shrugged, “I don’t–”

“And Erin’s just a friend, by the way.”

Ellie chuckled humorlessly, “You’ve gotta be stupid to not see how into you she is.”

Y/n shook her head, “You know, that’s the second time you’ve called me dumb in the last two days, Ellie. And so what if she likes me? Honestly, it’s kinda nice to–” she paused, choking on a sudden onset of tears. She shook her head, refusing to allow her own emotions to spill out with Ellie present, “It’s nice to be around someone who’s not embarrassed to be seen with me.”

As if on cue, Seth placed the two drinks down in front of Y/n, allowing her to snatch them away from him and flee before Ellie could even think of a response. 

[midnight-mourning]

*Taps mic* Heard y'all like Moon around here, you're in luck, this one's for you

massive, MASSIVE thank you to @lunarmoves for beta-reading this chapter!!

She put a lot of time and effort into making my BS readable for y'all and it's greatly appreciated <3 <3 <3

Shay also makes really good dca stuff (also sebastian solace but I know very little about the fish tbh) and you should check her out!

Also, happy 200k+!!! We're only 297k from truly becoming the 500k enemies to lovers slowburn of our dreams lmaoooo

But for real I apologize for such a delay with this one. If you'd like to hear my excuses/reasoning they're below the cut, or you can just go read the chapter whatever suits ya ^-^

Tag list (if you would like added please see this post for more info):

@scarletcowboy @beemyhuneybee @fishm0ther @deviouscrackers @elsajoyagent8

@luckyyyduckyyy @zenkaiankoku @jogimote @local-shrub @amarynthian-chronicles

@robinette-green @everlightreader @sinister-sincerely @starredeclipse @dangerva

CW: medical stuff & additionally a bit of unreality mentions

Okay going to try and keep this simple bc I've said parts of it before

So as most of you know, I've been sick for 3 months now

I've now been on two rounds of steroids, and currently on my third round of antibiotics, which are basically keep me fucntional, not improving

besides general discomfort and pain, my memory has been pretty shot at times, I will go through the day and barely remember what I did/what I'm doing/what I need to do

as someone who had brain fog caused by covid a few years ago, this was genuinely a scary experience because ultimately, this has been worse

i've felt out of control of my body, having times where I'm mid thought and then instantly lose it

this is not my normal, I usually pride myself on my memory, so losing it has been incredibly devastating and scary

this was not helped by the fact that the quick care I went to (THREE TIMES for this) basically kind of sort of tried to gaslight me into believing nothing could be done and that it's not an infection

so not only has this entire thing has gotten dragged out so much more, which makes me sad tbh, but I've also felt like I've been going crazy bc it felt like no one was believing me when i said I was sick and not getting any better (including friends, family, coworkers etc, though unintentional on their parts to be fair)

I feel like I've lost three months of my life and coming to terms with that has been, yeah

on top of all that, I'm still in school AND doing grad stuff, and while the school side of things has been okay (thank god), grad's had it's moments, won't get into it but have had multiple issues with my advisor that have been at times just really tough to deal with

Confused spirit got pushed to the back burner, because i quite literally at times could not think, and when it comes to this fic, where there's multiple ongoing plot threads, characterizations, lore, and so on to keep track of, it was just, impossible to me to even consider writing for it

having shorter stuff like promptober, the oneshots and such was great to keep me writing, and also still interact with everyone in the community, plus i had a lot of fun with them so that helped too

this is all to say that I do sincerly apologize for the delay, and at the very least I should've clearly communicated about there being a hiatus, when this all started I thought i'd be down for two weeks max, then as that time kept increasing I just kept putting it off and putting it off because i thought i was going to get better, and then I didn't

I do this for fun and for nothing else, fic writing isn't content (it's engaging with fandom) and i have to remind myself of that sometimes but given that I've been around in some capacity on and off I feel I should've said something in some regard

Having said all that, I'm doing okay now! Still sick, but as long as I'm on meds I'm functional, stuff is getting managable with grad, and hopefully have some fun things coming up irl! Point is, the last three months haven't been the best, but they've been alright, due in part to all the support you all have given me, so thank you for that, can't say it enough :)

Okay, I think that just about covers it, thank you for taking the time to read all of this if you did <3

[monimccoythings]

Alastor x Daughter!Reader: Runaway I (Platonic)

So, what would it happen if Y/N after a lot of time at the hotel, decides to run off and explore the human world? Just like it happened in Helluva Boss I think. This is lighter than the others, but I really wanted to write this one. This could be interpreted as some AU of the Au or even set in the same series after a lot of time has passed.

I know the Grimoire doesn't really look like that and is in the ownership of someone else, but I was thinking that since Lucifer is the King of Hell, he should have at least a copy.

Reminder: Alastor is in hell for a reason.

Tw: Controlling behavior, possessive behavior, Alastor being a very controlling dad.

tags: @anonymousewrites, @nonetheartist, @littledolly2345, @sunnyx07, @ouroborostheunholy, @mo-0-o, @sydneyyyya @lbcreations-blog, @kiraisastay

Things have gotten much better for you since you first arrived. It had finally gotten inside your thick skull that this experience was for real. As crazed as Charlie's dream seemed to be, you couldn't help but believe in her and her goals, given her optimism and enthusiasm. You could say this place was safer than anywhere else you had been crashing for the last ninety years.

But the safety of a place didn't always come hand in hand with feeling safe. And there was only one person to blame for that: Alastor.

If he had been overprotective as a human, as a demon he was much worse. He didn't give a fuck about subtlety anymore. He knew the kind of people that were out there; in fact, he was one of them! Time had proved over and over again you wouldn't make it out there without his protection! He just wanted what was best for you and he also casually happened to know what it was! He was that smart, hahahaha!

As a minor, there was little you could do in Hell, you couldn't drink, you couldn't smoke, you couldn't have sex. So that just nuked three of the most popular hobbies there. Not that you cared much, but it just really left you with a feeling that you didn't belong among the guests and staff friend group due to your youth. The emotional age gap was quite something. And there were times where you felt like the tag-along-kid more than a part of the team.

It was really embarrassing to pull yourself up to one of Husk's stools, ask for the strongest he had, and get served some pineapple juice. He may get a few laughs out of your antics, but you just wanted to fit in.

Sometimes you played with Nifty, since she seemed to be the closest to you in age. Unfortunately, Nifty didn't seem to know any game that didn't involve cleaning or roach mutilation. (how was she even able to find a murderous point of view to Parchis???)

Charlie and Vaggie were too busy managing the hotel and attracting new customers, but you got a feeling they still wouldn't manage to fill that void you seemed to have.

Angel was like the big brother you wished you had had back when you were alive. He loved to gossip with you and Cherri; even when you didn't understand half of what they were saying, it felt nice having some kind of normal teenage stuff around. He also liked to nudge you towards some potential boyfriends, saying that you were in 'in the age' *wink* *wink*. Your dad did not appreciate that.

Alastor wouldn't consider himself a boyfriend blocking dad, Heaven's, no! Just a humble boyfriend murdering dad. So whatever idea of dating or just hanging out with other people your age was out of the question. As soon as you started talking to someone that was in the same age range as you, his shadowy form started to appear behind you and his eyes changed into dials, that was enough for anyone to start running in the opposite direction (he had scared away so many pontential guests it was unreal)

You couldn't even own a phone. Your dad insisted that 'his hotel, his rules'. Any technology that surpassed the 50s was out of the question. (they still didn't have a working phone). If he caught you with one in your hands, specially a VOXTECH phone, even if it was not yours, the battery suddenly started to heat to unbearable levels and you just had to drop it before it exploded in green flames.

Where was the fun loving dad you grew up with? The one that at least had the decency to be a bit more discreet? 'Dead at the prospect of raising a teenage girl!' He liked to say with a laugh.

You talked to Rosie about it, hoping she would talk some sense into him, and he had the nerve to act all innocent and oblivious! Like you were the one being unreasonable!

Somehow, this safe haven had started to become like a prison. You found yourself feeling suffocated and alienated from the others. When you were out there on your own you had lived in fear and trauma, which you hated with all what remained of your heart; but now that you were in a relatively safe place, you felt isolated and trapped. There was no common ground. You needed to breath, to live (or unlive), to enjoy life! You were not a little girl anymore! (҉Y҉e҉s҉ ҉y҉o҉u҉ ҉w҉e҉r҉e҉!҉)҉

So, one day, while helping Nifty clean and hiding from the Radio Demon That Sees It All, you casually stumbled into something very interesting at Lucifer's workshop. It looked like an ancient book, unlike those at the library which you had read and reread over and over again (One could read one too many times Mr. Waddles Goes to Church before it started to get old).

Something in that book drew you towards it, you knew you shouldn't look. It was probably full of ancient demonic knowledge, but maybe a teensy weensy peek wouldn't hurt, right?

Your face lighted up when you opened the book, (and not only because the light was coming from it). There were no words to describe what you found inside. You could see everything inside of it, it was like it was filled with everyone's dreams and hopes, you wondered how something as beautiful as that had ended up in Hell.

Without thinking, you touched the pages which felt warm to the touch. In response to your delicate caress, the pages started shining even brighter. You were so mesmerized by it that you didn't notice how the room was starting to fill with small orbs of light that started moving around you at impossible speeds, like a tornado.

Crafting materials, toy ducks and gizmos were sent around the room due to the force of the movement. But you didn't pay them any attention. There was something truly magical about the orbs' dance. It was enrapturing.

The door shot wide open, revealing Lucifer, Charlie and Vaggie with an horrified look in their faces. They were shouting something at you, but you could barely hear them, too lost in the orbs and their hypnotic dance. So distracted that you didn't feel the chilling presence that joined them until he spoke.

"Y/N, my dear? ." You felt a shiver run down your spine and your heart filled with the fear of a child who knows they have been caught doing something they shouldn't. You could perfectly hear his radio filtered voice, clear as a day, quiet as the calm before the storm. "Step away from that book, cherie. You could get hurt, and we don't want that, do we? ." He spoke with the kind of condescending tone one would use with a little kid.

A new sudden emotion emerged within you, something you had never felt before and never had any need for it. Anger. Who was he to stop you? Why did he always treat you like you were one of his puppets? Like you were another toy he could dress up and command as he pleased? Why couldn't he let you live?.

Feeling braver, probably due to the book's influence, you looked at his red eyes defiantly, once again touching the pages. Despite his permanent smile, you could tell he was getting angrier by the second.

"Y҉/҉N҉" His body was morphing, growing, eyes already changing to those red radio dials that gave you the chills. "I҉ ҉F҉O҉R҉B҉I҉D҉ ҉Y҉O҉U҉-҉"

"No!" You found yourself surprised at your own voice."I lost my life for you, I got sent here because I tried to protect you, I wasted my life because of you!" That last part came a bit more demonic sounding than intended. "Now. I WANT TO LIVE."

And with that, you were enveloped in a bright light and dissapeared.

For a couple of seconds, nobody dared to make a move. After what felt like hours, reality seemed to kick in and everyone sprung into action; Lucifer desperately searching through the pages of a suddenly very uncooperative book, just in case you had been sucked in, Vaggie was already establishing a perimeter around the hotel and search parties, and Charlie, poor sweet Charlie was franctically looking through every single room on that floor.

The only one who hadn't moved yet was Alastor. Already shrunk back to normal size, he seemed completely relaxed and chill in what could be considered an extremely catastrophic situation to any parent.

"Ah, must be those teenage hormones kicking in." His voice sounded as cheery and joyful as always. Almost like he didn't care. Lucifer shot him a venomous look, silently urging him to show a little care for his MISSING DAUGHTER. But Alastor had already retreated back into the shadows and returned to his radio tower.

If only they knew.

The truth was that Alastor cared. Way too much. He sunk his claws into the table while he fought against the deeply buried instinct in him to let himself loose and destroy everything in his path. The chains in his neck, glowed menacingly, a bitter reminder that he wasn't at full power.

He had lost you. Again.

He had you there, close enough to reach and you had vanished before he was able to do something. You had run away.

The mere thought made his hands shake with anger, antlers already growing twice their normal size. How could you? After everything he did for your sake, for your safety, y҉o҉u҉ ҉d҉i҉s҉o҉b҉e҉y҉ ҉h҉i҉m҉??? His smile looked more like a grimace and his eyes were pools of red hot rage. Oh, you were so grounded when he got you back.

Now you were out there, who knows where. All on your own. Defenseless, at the mercy of his many enemies without anyone, HIM, to protect you.

He sent his shadows into the city, he would leave no stone unturned no crackden untouched until he found you. He didn't care who he had to kill, maul or destroy. You would be coming back with him. Only HE could keep you safe, whetever you wanted it or not.

His desperation only grew when his shadows came back empty handed, the crazed look in his eyes combined with the slasher smile only made him look like the deranged psychopath he actually was.

You weren't in the Pride ring. He was even starting to doubt you were in Hell at all. What was the last thing you had said?

His non beating heart gave a painful twist when your parting words echoed in his mind. The bitterness and resentment in your voice hurt his tainted soul in ways no other person could have. His claws dug even deeper in the wood.

No.

All he wanted was to keep you safe back at the hotel, to ensure no one in this hellish landscape ever laid a finger in your delicate skin. He was just being a good father. You may not understand it, and probably never would. That's irrelevant.

He had found you again after nearly ninety years since that fatidic night when he lost it all, he was not going to allow anybody to take you away from him.

A theory started forming in his twisted mind. You had said that you wanted to live. Alastor was no fool, he knew what the Grimoire could do, in fact he had been dying to take a peek himself. Whatever you had wished, would have probably come true. His grin turned sour.

You had gone where he couldn't follow.

The mortal plane.

Who knew the kind of horrors you were facing up there? The kind of fools that would dare to disrespect the child of one of Hell's most powerful overlords?

He couldn't go there, at least not physically. If he could synchronize his radio frequency with the ones on Earth, he may be able to locate you before some fuckwad up there decided to have their way with you.

"We're on air"

[skelliko]

Kazutora Hanemiya |°- crushing misunderstanding

|°-context: kazutora is crushing on you but he sees you and akkun walking together and assumes that you're both together making kazutora's heart to break not knowing that you and akkun are simply friends - mainly fluff not angst

final time line: 4th Division Captain: Kazutora Hanemiya Vice-captain: Atsushi Sendo (Akkun)

kazutora couldn't help but notice the scene that he had accidentally stumbled upon on, before he was gonna ignore it and think nothing much of it until he double looked and his heart managed to stagger in emotions, akkun walking with his school crush. kazutora's school crush.

despite akkun being Vice-captain of the forth division and them being good friends there's still things that kazutora doesn't mention and one of them being is who his heart flutters to.

his mind went to so many scenarios and reasons as to why, out of everyone it'd be you two who walk together and not only that but also holding little brown bakery bags, as if you both had bought a sweet desert together, and are about to enjoy it in each others company.

'no no no no no... their not though? are they?!' his mind was more than a mess

theres no other explanation other than your both either on a date or dating. or even worse, in an actual relationship. kazutora's mind went to so many lengths as he pondered and stalked you both, hiding behind corners, bushes and bus stops to wherever you both are walking to,

he was desperate to find out what was going on even though he knows he needs to let go and back tf up.

'akkun has never mentioned having a girlfriend though, let alone that he's talking to a girl...' that certainly reassured him a little but only for a few seconds when his overthinking took over again

'but maybe that's cause no one asked or mentioned anything! and here he is with the girl that I like, for fucks sake!'

he tried to get close to the both of you to try and hear what you guys were talking about but while doing so self awareness had hit him, he didn't want to get caught lurking around, if a bystander seen what kazutora was doing then a clear title would be placed on him 'stalker'

he kind of just stood there in the middle of the pathway, watching as the both of you walked ahead having your own little moment. it was like kazutora was a small puppy being cast out and away from it's owners. for a short moment he had grown upset, he accepted that him and you were never gonna be because Akkun has already taken your attention.

when he took half a step backwards to turn around and not invade your privacy any longer, it was then that you had turned around making kazutora to be captivated. it wasn't just your beauty that had made him freeze and his heart to grow wings and flutter but it was you smiling and waving at him... him, kazutora, no one else, your eyes were stuck onto kazutora.

his heart was left uncontrolled and skipped all around his body whilst his main focus was to bite down the corner of the inside of his mouth to stop him from smiling like a little kid and getting all giddy for you just simply noticing him. it felt unreal to him in that moment that he had forgotten to wave back, and he was too busy on not smiling like an idiot that he didn't even smile back at all. well now he feels like a complete fool and should be shut out of society forever.

*inserts image of grieving shinji on a chair* -how kazutora feels right now

a whole week went by after that encounter, and since then in school kazu and you haven't had a full conversation, sure you've exchanged a few small words but then he'd cut it off with an excuse to leave all due to wanting to give respect for you and akkun.

before, the both of you would be talking non stop in the middle of lesson, being the teachers most annoying students that can't shut up and are always an nuisance to deal with. it's gotten to the point where after you both stoped talking even the teacher pointed it out Infront of the whole class, "some argument happened between you two?" like c'mon... why is it always those teachers that think they can get involved and think pointing things out to be funny. they get in-between everything.

it left an empty pit in his stomach not being able to talk to you the way he wants to. all because in this setting he chose to put his friends first before himself.

-- some time later ---

"so akkun, you got any plans with y/n?" asking that question hurt him more than it should have, but he needs to get over it soon enough. only after he gets an understanding at what stage the both of you are at. 3 month mark? secretly wishing.

"don't think so, why'd you ask?"

"nothing nothing, just curious. I'm surprised that she'd be with someone like you" it was supposed to come out as regular boy banter and laugh it off but instead he didn't watch his tone and grew blunt about it as if he'd meant it. in which he did.

it took akkun a few silent seconds to process his response and what kazu had just assumed "be with?" purposely ignoring kazutora's sudden burst of agitation and instead focusing on the question itself. "you think me and her are together... as in dating?"

"well you two seem to be quite close, no?"

"kazutora. no. were friends, full heartedly friends" while motioning his hands out to emphasize how baffling and wrong kazutora's question was.

if crickets were around the city they'd be loud, but instead all there could be heard was the click of kazu's tongue before replying "...Oh. shit"

akkun couldn't help but snort out a laugh, whereas kazutora on the other end was looking back and regretting everything which included ignoring you. but he had a good reason to, right? I mean how exactly was he supposed to know that you two were just friends?

many ways actually, sure, but he put his friends first and that's what had mattered, before at least. now, kazutora is trying to figure out ways on how to approach you without seeming like a douche for abruptly leaving and then coming back.

"wait, you like her??" it only then clicked into akkun's head making him perk up about why you even became a conversation topic.

"I bet she hates me" burrowing his face into his hands and feeling all sulky. didn't fully answer akkun's question but that small sentence answered a lot without meaning to.

"you do! you like-like her!" first time hearing about this and he instantly stood up from his seat, oh he was gonna have fun with this information. he can either tease the hell out of kazutora or help him out. but currently he'll torment him first.

"keep it down! dont need anyone hearing" lifting his head up from his hands and looking around the open area

"who's gonna hear? I'm not name dropping, or unless you're embarrassed" tormenting kazutora by making him think of you.

"of course not... maybe. but that's besides the point" kazu ended up explaining things from how he saw you and akkun but left out some details such as him following them to how things went with you and kazu at school.

"dug yourself a hole there I'll be honest, why didn't you ask me first before assuming?" -akkun

"didn't want to draw much attention on the subject"

"oh right right..." not right actually, don't exactly know what that was supposed to mean but didn't want to press on about it. after a short moment of silence it seemed like something was supposed to be done otherwise dragging the gap between you and kazu any further and it might be too much to fix. though luckily a little plan had settled into akkun's mind, after all he was close enough to you to be considered good friends. "I'll help you, don't worry"

♡----

a/n: I could have written the plan/aftermath n' that but I got lazy

[annabelle--cane]

Oh I envy those who were not there in the trenches for season 5. It was truly deranged. Every week, a deluge of posts explaining how Jonmartin was actually abusive/unhealthy- often alternating who was the supposed abuser. The discourse over Strung Out. And, of course, the ever present 'has the show gotten worse?'

Being around for season 5 was great. It was also awful.

EVERY WEEK. every week these are the posts I would see in the tag:

sooooo fucked up that jonmartin is lichrally abusive and you're all still stanning :/

this is thee worst domain we've had so far, how could jonny ever think it's okay to write horror with social commentary in his horror social commentary show?

haHA, this episode CONFIRMS that the web will have nothing to do with the finale and that the "alternate dimensions" theory is bogus and everyone who thinks otherwise is a dumb idiot

I love anthologies and hate meta plots. this is obviously an objective truth about art and not a personal taste thing. tma was only good for the first 21 episodes.

the characters were sad and mean in this one. doesn't anybody understand that if you write characters in fiction being sad and mean it means you think no one ever deserves to be happy in real life?? what the fuck???

I hate women so much it's unreal

[greyskyflowers]

I want a really specific Luffy/Sanji/Zoro fic where it's focused on how Zoro is probably not able to be numbed or knocked out.

I want to do a post at some point about how Nami, Usopp and Zoro are the humans of the crew. The ones without devilfruits, no genetic stuff, and completely human.

You can absolutely argue that Zoro has whatever the fuck is going on with the demon stuff but until that's clearly discussed I'm going with the human thing.

Back to Luffy/Sanji/Zoro.

I'm really sold on the idea that Zoro burns through numbing and pain medications like it's nothing.

He can be knocked out or made completely numb but it requires a unreal amount of medication, enough that the amount is usually unavailable or risks overdosing him and making him very sick.

So, how many times has Chopper had to dig out shrapnel and bullets while Zoro was completely aware and felt everything?

Or stitched him up while Zoro held the skin together for him?

How many times has Chopper had to rebreak bones that had healed wrong if they were separated for a period of time and Zoro didn't set it right?

How about cauterizing wounds?

Concussions?

Blood loss?

What it he needed surgery because of a wound, and Chopper had to cut into him without being able to numb him at all?

Oooooof

I fully believe Chopper has had to do some of those. However, when Zoro is too out of it, or it hurts to much to not jerk away or fight back... I think Luffy and Sanji would have to hold him down. The only two with enough strength to get him still enough that Chopper can do what needs to be done without worry.

Robin could be added to that, I think. I like to think Zoro and her have a strong friendship and she's seen enough shit to know sometimes things have to be done even though it sucks.

What sounds does someone make in a situation like that? How much can the human body take?

If he was out of it enough, would he plead with Luffy to let him up? He would absolutely call for Luffy when everything hurts and I'll die on that hill.

It would be a blessing if he passed out but how long would he be passed out? Just long enough for everyone to breathe before he was awake again and struggling?

Is it worse when he's quiet? Awake but so exhausted he can't even try to jerk away?

The rest of the crew hearing everything but knowing better than to go try to help.

Having to act like they can't all hear anything and desperately hoping that Zoro passes out soon.

And Zoro is Zoro. No one really talks about it. They're all aware, of course, but Zoro never brings it up or complains.

He's actually really good at holding still, clenching his jaw and curling his lip back in a pained snarl. Every muscle in his body tense and his back in a rigid arch.

This isn't new to him. He's always burned through this stuff quick but it's definitely gotten worse as he's gotten older and stronger.

Luffy and Sanji only have to hold him down for the really bad ones. It's more of a precaution, a comfort of all of them.

They're the only ones to hold him because even blind with pain, Zoro knows them.

Even when his world narrows down to hurthurthurt, he won't fight them the way he would someone else. He trusts them to be strong enough that he can be a little weak if needed. Only a little.

Luffy being cautious and untrusting of anyone other than crew while Zoro recovers and gets his feet back under him.

Possessive and protective in the way all captains are. A extra edge to it because it's Zoro and Zoro is his in a way no one else quite is.

Sanji hovering, always something in his hands because his way of caring is food. The pain usually takes away Zoro's appetite but it's the best way Sanji knows to heal.

Luffy curled around Zoro when he naps on deck or when they go to sleep at night, trying to make sure nothing hurts and reassure them both that Zoro's okay.

Both of them running a critical eyes over Zoro because infection is a whole beast of its own. They want to make sure that if there's even a hint of one, they catch it as soon as possible.

Touching Zoro constantly because if they feel tense muscles they know he's hurting and if he's running a fever they can work on cooling it down.

🌊

The strawhat crew holds a grudge against a few people. Most of them obvious but always at the top is Garp, Blackbeard, Judge, and Mihawk.

Because they don't know exactly what went on while they were all separated for 2 years but they hold Mihawk accountable for Zoro's eye, even if he wasn't the one behind that particular scar.

They know Zoro felt all of it and they weren't there with him. And anyone who is responsible for that kind of pain to one of the crew goes right on the shit list.

[sufferingink]

the way that TMA has altered my brain chemistry is unreal so here's 911 characters and their fear alignments (without having watched past season four):

Buck: I don't think his would actually be The Lonely. while that's certainly part of it, I think too much of his fear comes from the idea that he's replaceable and filling too much space and needs to hide parts of himself to be loved and if that's not The Stranger, I'm not sure what is.

(I think you could probably make a case for all of them EXCEPT the corruption. when faced with a decomposing dead body he stabs it without gloves to manually drain fluids. when faced with a maggot that had crawled from somewhere I'd prefer not to think about, he goes "maggot :D!" he's kinda chill around killer bees apparently?? I've not gotten that far. but he's not afraid of bugs or sickness or anything so long as it doesn't keep him from his people. tldr: Buck loves bugs too much to be a corruption avatar)

Eddie: that's The Desolation babey. Is terrified of losing everything, so blows up his life before anyone else can. routinely loses things, relationships, people in a dramatic fashion, usually descending into guilt spirals that makes everything so much worse. has yet to end a relationship on even remotely good terms, I think it's fair to say they'd all be better to not have been with him at all

Bobby: I'm actually not too sure about this one but I'll go with The Eye. After the fire that killed his family he talks about how he should have known better, both in doing drugs and in the building's many safety violations. He's a fire captain that takes the injuries of his people very seriously because they happened under his watch and he should have kept a closer eye on them. he's got religious guilt. he even immediately gets sucked into spying on people "just in case" just like one Jonathan Sims circa Magnus Archives season 2

Maddie: The Hunt. do I need to explain this one? her abusive husband LITERALLY HUNTED HER through the woods. not to mention her relationship with her parents. The Hunt is also the fear that the people closest to you would turn on you, and I think trying to erase your brother from existence, leaving you (a ten year old) to raise your OTHER brother, then completely ABANDONING YOU when you get into previously mentioned abusive marriage qualifies as a betrayal, one that has broken her trust in others to help her (Buckley parents when I find you-)

Chim: The Lonely. his mother died when he was young, his father barely speaks to him, one of his brothers died BECAUSE OF HIM (in his mind anyway), he refuses to admit he thinks of his found family as more his family than his blood relatives till his late thirties, and I haven't got to where Tommy gets reintroduced, but Chim's origin episode I'm sorry but he's trying a LOT, TOO MUCH to become friends with someone that's been exclusively a jerk to him, he strikes me as a lonely guy

Athena: The Hunt as well, and I'm not just saying that because she's a cop! that's only part of it- but she's also a black woman working in a police department. she's aware of how easy it is for officers to get away with basically anything, even aware of exactly how unsafe her OWN family is, yet insists on staying and insists that there are more good cops than bad. you can't tell me she doesn't doubt that every single day, and what if they prove her wrong? (remember what I said about the fear of being turned on?)

Hen: I'm feeling The End, but less in a Death™ way and more of "there's nowhere to go from here." Hen prides herself on her ability to learn and grow so naturally that hard stop, you will be exactly as you are now forever, scares her. also people keep telling me she's the only one yet to get a major near death experience soooo

Ravi: Buck

[crehador]

brother crab's fall 2024 parting thoughts: uhhhhh basically everything

doing these all in one batch because i have been falling behind big time this season orz

long post under the cut

acro trip & kabushiki gaisha magi lumiere: the two magical girl series i picked up this season, both delightful! my only gripe is i wish acro trip had also gotten a season two, but thrilled to have more magilumi coming eventually

sengoku youko: after the wreck that was biscuit hammer THANK FUCKING GOD THIS WAS GOOD, and it was really. really. really good. it's not the, like, shiniest thing you'll ever see in 2024 in terms of animation, and the story isn't exceptionally unique or anything, but it's a great, classic adventure fantasy that has a really nostalgic feel to it

haigakura: ummmmmmmmm the less said the better. let's move on

tasuuketsu: was it good? no. was it compelling? also no. did i watch all 24 episodes? well. man idk the beginning was a mess, and not even the fun sort of mess, and the situation did not really improve. however i do feel like there's some potential in the characters and death game mechanics here, just fully unrealized potential, which is just... frustrating. anyway. do not recommend

touhai: this one's rolling onwards into a second cour but this is the fun sort of mess. it delivers on its gritty-dark premise in all the ways that yakuza fiance (i'll get to that) doesn't. do i even necessarily like its gritty-dark premise? ehhh... but i do respect it for being just. balls to the wall ridiculous

raise wa tanin ga ii: mannnnn this one probably warrants its own post because i could go on and on about what i found lacking here if anyone wants to hear it, but the tl;dr is i just don't feel like they committed to the yandere-ness of the yandere relationship quite enough. but i did love yoshino and i did love kirishima... 's voice (basically picked this up solely for ishida akira lol) so it was fine. whatever. it was fine

rekishi ni nokoru akujo ni naruzo: surprisingly decent villainess series! for a while it seemed like it was going to fall into the boring old trap of actually the villainess is Good and the heroine is Evil. while our aspiring villainess is clearly not Evil in this, she's at least going about her supposed 'villainy' in a somewhat interesting way

kimi wa meido-sama.: i... i don't know. i think overall i did enjoy this, i remember it having a really strong start, the main characters were both really charming and fun, but it sort of fizzled out for me. i don't really have a problem with the flagrant wish fulfillment-y vibe here, it's just i guess i feel like it didn't really strike a steady balance between the romance, the slice-of-life bits of yuki trying to lead a normal life, and the looming hints of her ominous history. it's not that these things can't all coexist, the show was just a little clumsy about balancing them imo

kamonohashi ron no kindan suiri s2: honestly i don't think this has gotten worse, i think it's just gotten to be not my thing. when ron said "this is the last case i'll ever thought" i said out loud "promise? 🥺" so... i probably shouldn't continue if they make another season. but they did just get suwabe in here so. we'll see

blue lock s2: lol. lmao even

goukon ni ittara onna ga inakatta hanashi: an absolute delight! all the characters wound up being really fun to follow but for me fuji and asagi absolutely stole the show. they were just too good

maou 2099: this has one more episode to go, but i can't imagine my thoughts on it changing much. and my thoughts are it was fun! nothing mindblowing in the end, but solidly fun. you can feel the hpmi all over it

natsume s7 & bleach tybw cour whatever & beastars final season pt1: lumping these together since pretty much all i have to say on them is it's more of the same, which is a very good thing. bleach and beastars quality is staying up, and natsume is still the same natsume we know and love which is exactly what i want it to be forever and ever

dandadan & ranma 1/2 & ao no hako: grouping these together because they're clearly the big names of the season (well idk about ao no hako but i certainly hope it's one, because it deserves to be) and there's not much i can say that hasn't already been said. they look great and were/are (ao no hako is continuing into a second cour) a delight to watch. dandadan does a great job of portraying not just kids being kids but weird kids being weird kids, which is a somewhat rare delight. ranma 1/2 and ao no hako are both peak romance. ranma is also such a visual joy to watch

of the three... ough... i feel like i have to give anime of the season to ranma because it was just such a pleasure to watch, but i have such a soft spot in my heart for ao no hako right now. it's just gorgeous, and the characters feel so wonderfully real. the only thing knocking it down a bit is i don't enjoy love triangles in general, but like if there has to be one, ao no hako's is not (currently) that annoying

anyway this is not my anime of the season post so more on that later

i think... that's... everything? maybe? chi and slf s2 are both excellent, but more on those after their second cour. the one thing i will say about slf s2 for now is nothing has topped the wethermon fight for me yet and phew. it's gonna be tough because that fight was peak

tsumasho, mecha-ude, and murai no koi i've already made separate posts on. some other two cour stuff i'll also save comments on for next season

oh wait

kinokoinu: this was cute but not all the memorable i guess, as evidenced by the fact that i. just. nearly forgot it lol

anyway! i'd say overall this was a very solid season with some seriously underwatched sleeper hits like mecha-ude. anime of the season is... going to be fun to think about. much to consider

[echoingvoids]

I had fun with this one (I notice I tend to include the word or version of the word from the prompt many times in my oneshots)

@zelinktines You can read the oneshot collection on Tumblr, Wattpad, or AO3!

Link lends Zelda some company

Age of Calamity

\^_^/

The late hours always seemed the darkest. Even the brightest torch seemed to struggle to illuminate the smallest areas. 

Zelda sat in one of the small tents, a candle struggling to offer some light at her makeshift desk. They had safely gotten away from the Spring of Courage and she was quietly contemplating just how bad things were getting. Conditions were only getting worse, and Calamity Ganon could emerge at any given time. If this kept on and her power didn't awaken...then...

A familiar figure ducked into the tent, causing the princess to startle. Link stood there, as calm as ever, with a plate of food in one hand and a new candlestick in the other. He silently offered the food to Zelda, which she accepted but did not eat, opting instead to watch him light the new candle, swapping it with her old one. He blew the old one out, holding it carefully so the wax wouldn't drip and turned to her, watching her silently.

The candlelight was reflecting his eyes, which were already too blue to be real, and they seemed to glow and reflect the light into the depths of her soul. "Princess."

Her voice startled him. "Y-yes?"

His gaze softened and the flickering light made him look even younger, reminding her just how heavy this responsibility was and just how old they actually were. He studied her a moment longer then nodded to her plate. "You need energy."

She looked down at her plate. It held some roasted meat, vegetables, and a piece of bread they had brought from the castle. She knew Link was right, especially since they had a long journey back to the castle, but she knew once she started eating he would leave. And she didn't want to be alone. "Will stay with me?"

Something akin to surprise flashed through those unreal blues but he nodded. He waited for her to start eating, then rummaged through his back, pulling out some bread of his own, which he started to quietly chew on. Zelda offered him a piece of meat and he hesitated.

She sighed. "I won't eat all of this, Link. Besides, I know you like some meat with your bread."

To her surprise, he smiled a bit. "Thank you."

She smiled back, nodding and resuming eating her own food. If she detached her mind from the situation, this would almost be romantic, sharing food by candlelight.

She felt her face immediately heat up and she dropped her head so Link couldn't see. They were on the edge of desperation, of death, and here she was thinking about something as trivial and irrelevant as romance. No wonder her father accused her of wasting so much time.

Still, she couldn't help it. If she were to die tomorrow, she would at least like to go with someone she loved on her mind. 

She lifted her head again to find Link staring at her. His bread was gone already (as to be expected) and now he seemed to be studying her unabashedly. She blushed again yet didn't look away, taking in the way the light softened his features.

She wouldn't deny it--she did find Link attractive, despite having hated on him for some time. She understood why all the castle maids (and even some of the guards) gushed about him constantly, although at the time that had just added to her resentment. But now she let herself just appreciate his features. They could all die tomorrow and she didn't want to die bitter. 

"Princess," Link whispered, drawing her attention to his mouth before she looked him in the eyes again. "You will do it."

She blinked, confused for a moment. "Pardon?"

He shifted slightly on his feet. The light may be playing tricks on her, but he had honesty etched into his eyes and what resembled a smile on his face. "The power, Princess. You will unlock it. I know you will."

She blinked again and got the sudden urge to just collapse into him and have a good cry until the candle ran out again. She refrained, ducking her head instead and doubting her existence. 

Link, in a surge of boldness, reached over and took one of her hands, causing her to look up at him. "You will, Princess. I believe you can do it. We all do."

She struggled to keep her voice steady. "And what if I don't unlock them in time? What if...what if they never unlock at all."

Link shrugged. "We will find a way. I'll be at your side regardless."

A strange warmth flooded through her and she turned her hand in his, interlocking their fingers. He looked down in surprise and then smiled, making her heart threaten to burst. He had a wonderful smile.

They sat like that for a while, letting the candle burn until Zelda began to yawn. Link then took his leave, blowing out the candle and heading to his own tent. She went to sleep feeling better than she would have had he not come in. 

[married2avampire]

The Way You Look Tonight

Chapter Five • The Way You Look Tonight

Ao3 Next

Contents: MULTI-CHAPTER, Alucard (Hellsing)xfem!reader, eventual NSFW, written in 2nd person, relatively ambiguous time period but pre-2000s, reader and family members descriptions (other than clothes and personalities) are kept ambiguous for the sake of inclusion, ghost Alucard (kind of?), spooky stuff, Integra is dead and the Hellsing Organization has been dissolved, Alucard in the flesh in this one, yandere/obsessive themes (Nothing too crazy… I think… though crazy is subjective), blood (shocker), possession. 

3.1k words

—

As your father had said: the previously closed-off lower level was very much in worse condition than the rest of the house. The floorboards were covered in a layer of dust and water stains, the carpet had turned a soggy brown, and the wallpaper had begun to peel off the walls, yellowed and damaged. It was a grotesque sight. What a shame that most of the art in those halls had gotten ruined too. So many possibly historic paintings were rotten and unsalvageable. You felt bad when you’d had to carry a once beautiful portrait out to the dumpster that your father had rented. The portrait was of a young girl with hair so blonde it almost looked white. It was a shame the rats had eaten at the canvas. Only her head and portions of her chest remained. You gave her one last solemn stare, muttering, “You’re about in the same state as me,” before sliding the painting carefully into the bin. You felt like rats had eaten holes in your sanity. The unrealness of the night still brought on a bout of nausea every time you tried to comprehend it. You couldn't sleep and couldn't stay awake. Both options resulted in a horrifying outcome. Real nightmares. What were you supposed to do? He would keep coming every night, regardless of your state of mind. 

Your thought is interrupted by a shout. It was your brother waving you over from the front door. Was something wrong? You furrow your brows and tail after him into the house. “What’s the matter?” you ask.

“Dad found a staircase behind one of those big paintings.” He explains, legs working at a jogging pace around corner after corner until the hall opens up in front of the two of you. Your whole family is gathered around the right-hand wall of the hall, your father in the motions of setting aside the huge painting on the opposite wall. After propping it up and dusting off his hands, he returns to the right-hand wall. There’s a staircase there just as your brother had said. You stop short, staring at the dark gaping maw carved into the wall. The stairs were a steep decline into murky black shadows. The sight of shadows so thick has you taking an unsure step backward. Memories of being in a room that dark plague you. The events of last night are too fresh… and this darkness is too familiar. 

“It’s a basement.” You whisper. You had been right. This information had been cut out of the building’s plans. 

“I don't remember seeing this in the paperwork.” Your father mutters to your mother, who shakes her head cautiously, eyes glued to the darkness while she presses her knuckles to her lips. The sight of it seems to make her uneasy as well. “Alright,” your father places his hands on his hips, “No one’s allowed down there until I get some guys to check it out. Not disclosing a basement on the map of the house is a bit of a red flag. We don't know what’s down there.”

You did. As you stared into that thick wall of shadow… you knew. He was down there. Waiting. Waiting like a shark underwater. A trapdoor spider. A monster. The thought made you sick. You contemplated then, at that moment, running away, taking a train home, disappearing, dying, calling an exorcist. A million things and yet you knew you didn't have the time before night fell. The painting was no longer blocking the hole… and now you dreaded what awful thing would come clamoring out of it… hellbent on terrorizing you.

⛤

You’re beginning to worry that the death of the previous owner might have been less than savory. Perhaps it was this thing that had taken them, and not old age like you’d thought. You were never one to believe in ghosts. More accurately, you had not been. Now, you had no other explanation. You’d ruled out schizophrenia — those marks on your skin were real. A demon? Maybe. Were demons real? Has anyone ever seen a demon? You were on the fence about that. A vengeful ghost seemed like the perfect fit for this entity. But vengeful wasn’t the right word. Obsessive. This ghost did not torment any of your family members the same way it tormented you. That’s why… you couldn’t ignore its obvious obsession with you. Good or bad, you couldn’t discern. It seemed to swing on a pendulum. That thing seemed to gain equal pleasure from courting you in its strange, twisted way that it did terrifying you, sometimes doing both at once. 

Now, you stand beside your bed. The air feels cold, and your thoughts have come to an eerie stillness. This must be the silent quiet of acceptance. You don’t remember the day — gone by in a blur. You don’t recall what you ate for dinner or how late in the night it was. You don’t recall taking a shower, though your hair is damp and smells like your shampoo. Your muscles were sore too… so you must have gone about your day and finished helping your family clean out the lower level even after that discovery — the basement. As you think that… the memory fades. You realize that you’re exhausted. You can’t go on. You need to sleep. 

You have no recollection of lying in bed. Were you in bed now? The warm weight draped over you feels familiar — like your covers — and the softness beneath you as well. Asleep. Finally. You let your thoughts drift out of the limbo between consciousness and sleep — to fall deeper into the warm darkness of rest. 

…

“Someday, when I'm awfully low,” you hear the grain of your record player scratching through the fabric of sleep. “When the world is cold,” your eyelids shift, consciousness rising from a deep respite. “I will feel a glow just thinking of you,” your eyes open, and your heart sinks, yet you don't move. You stare up at the ceiling, unable to feel anything but the cold dead rake of dread. “And the way you look tonight,” Slowly, your eyes tick over to the record player, vinyl circling in a wobbly manner atop it. With a tremble of your lip, you begin to break down. Anger and fear give rise to the way you rip your covers off, grab your flashlight, and bolt over to the record player. You yank it from the vanity, vinyl and all, and take it to the window. You fumble with the latch in the dark and once you manage to get it loose, it flings open with a cold gust of wind. Letting out a cry, you throw the record player out the window, watching it splinter to bits on the grass far below. You’re trembling violently now, teeth chattering and eyes flitting about the room as you slip into mania.

Wordlessly, you're moving. Blown past the point of sanity, something else takes over. Invisible hands pushing you forward, out of the room, down the stairs, out into the cold, cold air of the night. Dewy grass slicks your bare feet, toes aching from the frostiness. It doesn't pull you from your trance. Someone else is pulling the reins now. The second your guard fell, the second your sanity broke, something slithered into your mind. You realize, by the time you're wandering hazily through the rotting halls of the manor's lower level, that you feel… warm. Not warm on your skin, but warm on the inside. Safe. The word rings in your head and in your weakened state, you accept it without question. You cling to that word, desperately, only yourself in a small portion of your mind. Your body’s no longer your own, not right now. But you know where you're going: to the basement. At that, a lick of fear spasms you momentarily back into control, just enough to halt your feet on the dusty carpet. It’s overwhelmed with another lapse of warm reassurance. You’re not hearing words… you’re feeling. Feeling… like a warm blanket wrapped around that sane part of you, the part that can still think, the part that can still see out of your own eyes. Feeling… that sane part of you placed carefully in the far corners of your mind, subdued, secure, warm. The part of you that is still able to comprehend watches through your eyes as if they were a distant window. Bleary vision and a too-far picture. It’s enough to make out the blackness of the stairs that envelop you as your body makes its way down into the basement. Down into the dark, the cold, the damp. 

And then the door. The door from your dream. You watch… motionless… exhausted… and far away… as its outside bolt shudders off the lock piece, which sends the door swinging open with a slow, grating groan. Real. This was real. Real! Real!! You snap out of the trance and forcefully expel whatever had possessed you, but not without it pulling your body into the dark room before relinquishing control. You’re panting, in a cold sweat, and panicking. You suddenly remember you were still holding your flashlight, its weight dangling in your hand. Breathing fast, you fumble for it and click the button over and over until it flickers on. Dust particles flutter through the beam of light, which barely cuts through the black air around you. You shine it around quickly, only for the beam to catch on a figure slumped against the opposite wall. You scream in shock. It takes a moment of staring before you even begin to flick through the possibilities. It was… a man. Or… what used to be a man. The corpse’s long legs are splayed out haphazardly in front of it, head bowed, white hair fallen over its face. It looks more like a mummified corpse. You can still make out the form of emaciated muscle under the clothing it wears — a red coat and a charcoal suit. It was him. He’d been pointing you here… all this time. To what? To free his soul? Was he looking for closure? You’re too scared to move forward, no, you shouldn't move forward at all. “So…” you shudder out with a heavy swallow, “You’ve terrorized me enough, haven't you? Are you satisfied now that I’ve seen your… corpse?” your bottom lip wavers, disturbed. You’d never seen a dead body before and even though you’re a good couple of feet away… it’s still unsettling. When you get no answer, you continue speaking in a jittery tone. “H-how’d you die…? Were you… trapped down here? Starved... to death?” You almost think you won't be given an answer again… but the corpse… twitches. The creak of leathery muscle and brittle bones under stiff cloth. You scream again and this time, stumble backwards. You’d forgotten the steps that had been behind you when you were forced into the room and stumbled backward onto them. Jagged concrete slices your elbow, and you feel the hot sting and warm trickle of blood down your forearm, dripping off your pinkie and to the floor. Yelping in pain, you drop your flashlight to clutch the wound. It clatters to the side, beam pointed at the corpse. It twitches again, this time to lift its head slightly with a disgusting crunch. You take in the sight of its face, your own an expression stuck in terror. It still had skin and muscle, but it looked dry, mummified, and plastered to the bone underneath. The lips had all but deteriorated, leaving behind crooked teeth. The canines looked… especially off-putting. Long and sharp, they were reminiscent of the fangs of vampire bats. The corpse pushes itself off the wall with an unpracticed jerking motion. You’re left stiff in terror, bleeding onto the stairs. How was this possible? No — you shouldn't even be surprised. You should have seen this coming. “P-Please, I can’t take anymore!” you throw your hand out in the air as if you might be able to prevent him from coming closer. It doesn’t do anything. The corpse continues, dragging itself slowly forward along the concrete, long, sharp nails scrabbling for a hold. “Go away!” you scream at it — at him, pushing yourself up a step. Your blood drips down onto the step below you, a few droplets splattering onto the concrete floor in front of him when you fling your arms about again to try and get him to stop. The corpse bows its head, and you watch with disgusted horror as a long, blackened tongue swipes up the blood. 

Then, it clicks into place. He wasn’t a corpse, or a ghost, or anything like that. He was… had to be… a starving vampire. Is that what this was? You were meant to be food? You were… going to die here?! Wide-eyed, a rush of adrenaline has you kicking out a bare foot, keen on shoving him away. But he catches your ankle with a surprisingly strong grip, gloved hand holding tight. You wail, trying to pull your foot away, but he doesn't release you. No, his other hand grips you just above the knee, pulling his weight closer to you. “NO!! Nonono! Please!!” fingers push and shove at his chest, which is beginning to feel more like the give of human flesh than stiff emaciated muscle. You screw your eyes shut, beginning to brace for death as you feel him move. Strong hands lift your thighs, pulling you closer to him. You wiggle, scrabbling at the concrete steps in a panic as you're pulled closer into the dark. The backs of your thighs are laid over strong ones, and you feel the weight of him underneath you. He’s sitting on his knees, reaching for your waist with gloved hands while he leans over you slowly. 

“Mhmhmm…” a low laugh, deep, coming from the corpse’s chest. You blink your eyes open, shocked to see that the face above you is no longer grotesque and mummified, but young, pale, and with sharp features. You stare. Even as his hair — now black — tickles your cheeks, you don't move. “... I’ve been watching you.” He hums, amused, his lips drawn up into a pleased smile. “Waiting…” the man in the red cloak ghosts a gentle hand across your bleeding arm, catching it by the wrist and lifting it to his mouth. He sighs, laving his tongue along the slowly drying stream of blood on the side of your hand. “... What took you so long? I didn’t think I’d need to encourage you like I did.”  

You continue to stare. This was the conclusion to all your questions. Sitting smugly with the weight of your thighs draped over his, was your answer. “You… have…” you slowly find your voice, blinking out of your stupor, “... Tormented me…!” lashing out, you land a slap across his face. He takes it with grace, turning his head to the side and letting his dark hair shield his eyes. “... Deprived me of sleep…!” you hit him again, “... And have driven me… to the point of insanity!” grunting through your anger, you brace your elbows on the stair behind you and heave your weight out of his lap. That, he’s not happy with. The vampire grips your hips, pulling you back down onto his lap with the faintest of growls. You struggle against his hold but for a moment. It’s futile, he’s as immovable as a mountain. At least he hasn't made a meal out of me yet, you think as you give up the struggle and settle again, glaring cautiously. 

“Hm,” you watch him frown, red eyes staring past you, “It seems you’re not very appreciative of my advances.” 

“Advances?!” you echo, disbelief plain on your face. “You’re sick in the head! Let go of me!” he grips tighter, leaning over you to sniff at your neck. You stiffen, hand shooting out to grip his bicep tightly through the thick fabric of his coat. 

“It’s been a long while since I've had the pleasure of tasting human flesh. Grant me this one delight, and I shall be yours until your final day,” he whispers close to your ear. The sound of it makes you shiver, leaning your head away with a grimace. 

“I don't… want you to be mine.” You try shoving at him again, but he doesn't move even a little. His hair tickles your neck again. 

“You don't?” he coos, “I’d make sure nothing but old age takes you. An eternal protector. Now, isn’t that enticing?” he worms his hands under your spine, holding you close. 

You’re surprised at yourself for even taking a moment to ponder his strange offer. “No,” you shove again, “Why would I want you as my… protector? You’ve done nothing but make my life miserable!” a click of his tongue grabs your attention. 

“I’m so very sorry.” He’s not. You can feel he has no remorse, but he continues to butter you up even after such a poor performance. “I’ll stop,” he whispers coaxingly, “I won't… tease you anymore. At least — not like that.” 

“You call that teasing?” 

“Would you prefer I call it something else?” he hums. 

"Torment," you respond. 

The vampire grins and leans away from your neck to look at you. His teeth are ever so slightly crooked. You might have found his smile more handsome if he wasn’t your tormentor. “I will never torment you again. You have my word, if — you grant me… a few more drops of your blood.” you watch the slight raise of his eyebrows, eager for your answer. He might as well be as insane as you felt. You notice the same manic look in his eyes that you see in the mirror. 

The deal was difficult to refuse. You’d seen what he was capable of — all while in a deathlike state. While being a corpse in this basement, he had visited you nightly, conversed with your sister, messed with your brother, and stole your mother’s things. Not to mention, he seemed capable of manipulating the very reality around you. You remembered that one strange night with a shiver, still able to feel those black rubbery hands tugging at your skin. You couldn't fathom what he was like well-fed. What you did know… was that you’d rather him be in your debt than free. So you agree. With a hesitant squint and a faint little nod, you agree. 

The flashlight flickers out.

Next