#also sorry I don’t want to spend literal THOUSANDS more than I would other wise to fucking move

[lesbiansanemi]

We’ve officially hit the point where I can’t fucking sleep because of this shit and on top of everything the AC went out I literally want to cry I’m so stressed I physically feel like shit like I need to throw up I’m so tired but between my stomach hurting, the stress, and the heat I can’t

[elysianslove]

helo love! i hope you're having a good day. kinda want a break from bf hq boys. can i ask for miya twins as reader's older brothers? 👉👈 i was thinking if she can be the manager of inarizaki just because i want aran to lose his mind from dealing with three miyas hahahaha. thank youuu ily!! ʕ•ε•ʔ

omg i lovelovelove the concept of the miya twins having a sister and now that i’ve gotten an ask about it skfsbfkj <3333 thank you for sending this and i hope you like it!! 

MIYA TWINS WITH A YOUNGER SISTER 

considering you and the two of them are only a year apart, you’re pretty close with one another. of course, the older you got, the more annoying they were, and there was this one era when they were like 9-12 that they made it their life mission to annoy you. but then they grew out of that phase eventually, and as they matured, they became more tolerable. 

they’re not only teenage boys, but also your older brothers. they’re going to be annoying. 

atsumu definitely does that sibling thing where he’s like eating a bowl of cereal or whatever and he enters your room, just stands there and chews really loudly, then walks back out without closing the door. it makes you want to kill him every time.

osamu probably just like tugs at your hair whenever he sees you because why not yk, especially if it’s in a ponytail or a braid. and this isn’t 9-12 year old osamu. this is like 15-17 year old osamu. he just grabs your braid and pulls. you might snap your neck one day honestly. 

atsumu eats your leftovers. all the time. like literally all the time how do u still have 2 brothers and not 1

osamu comes and sits in your room like on ur couch or bed cause you have better wifi or whatever. he farts and goes “sorry :D.” he is not sorry.

sometimes the both of them team up on you and it’s so exhausting. but if you manage to get your mom on your side? consider them obliterated. 

and yk what’s even more fun? when you and a twin team up on the other twin. it’s just always hilarious cause the other twin will act so betrayed vjshsdsk

anyways because you’re only one year apart, their friends are your friends and your friends are their friends. have you ever had to deal with a “best friend’s brother” type of thing where a friend of yours only wanted to come over because she heard that miya atsumu likes to walk around the house shirtless? yes. 

she ended up being extremely disappointed at the fact that miya atsumu has a lot more respect for those living in the same house as him and doesn’t walk around shirtless. ironic. 

but also atsumu does flirt with every single one of your friends. 

flirt with his it’s okay <3

you’d think atsumu would be more protective or selfish about you being close with him and samu’s friends? nope. 

it’s osamu

like, for example, every time he sees you walking alone with suna he wants to either deck suna or deck you. he can never decide on which one. 

he’s just very good at hiding things like that, and atsumu isn’t, so it always seems like atsumu gives more of a shit than osamu does. and honestly, osamu’s not even sure why it bothers him so much. he’s not mad that you’re friends with his friends, like, obviously he isn’t, because he’s happy to share, especially since you’re his sister. but at the same time, he can’t help but feel like he really can’t have anything for himself you know? sounds pathetic and selfish but he can’t help it. 

i think you bring it up at some point and ask him if he’s bothered by it, and it took a whileee before he admitted that yes, it kinda does. it made sense in your head though, only because he’s your brother, and obviously you’re not gonna stop being friends with them, but you understand. they were his first, in a sense. 

but!!! he’s not gonna lie, osamu loves the fact that he can trust his friends with you. like if anything were to ever happen to you, he knows his friends will react the same way he would, and that alone kinda reels him in. 

since you’ve known aran since you were really young, he’s kinda like a third older brother to you. he always acts like a mediator between you and your brothers (and is always on your side, even if you’re in the wrong. so what if his favoritism is showing?). you genuinely feel like you can turn to him for anything at any point if you can’t turn to your brothers first. 

but out of all their friends, you’re closest to suna and you can’t explain why. he’s just so nice to be around and if you’re left alone with him, it can’t ever be awkward, even if it’s completely silent and quiet. plus, suna’s probably covered for you a couple of times if we’re being honest :)

anyways! 

protective wise, they’re honestly a lot better than you’d think they’d be. like yeah they’ll give you hell if you even mention the fact that you might have a crush on someone, but in reality, they just want what’s best for you, and they want you to always be happy.

obviously, if the person of your choosing really doesn’t seem like they have your best interest in mind, your brothers will be extremely blunt about it. like i said, they want what’s best for you, and they’re not going to sugarcoat anything at all. 

good luck trying to get your opinion in on their love interests they’re suddenly incapable of hearing. hypocrites and double standards <//3

they will do the whole interrogation thing, but it’s mostly because they don’t wanna look like they’re softies. they want the person to fear for their life if they even consider hurting you. 

in regards to comfort; 

osamu is the best listener there is. genuinely. he just sits there and lets you talk his ear off. he won’t care if you spend hours doing it. if it helps you relax, and calm down, then he’s all for it. 

atsumu is who to go to when you’re sobbing and need to get your mind off of something. he’s great at distracting you, but healthily. he’s not very good at the talking thing, and he will listen if you need him to, but go to him when you don’t want to think about anything anymore, yk? 

btw!! both of them are secretly huge suckers for the drama in your life. if there’s some friendship drama, they want all the details. they’re giving you the best reactions and the most ridiculous advice, and are definitely heating you up more than they should be but, what else are you expecting?

as each other’s siblings, you’re insanely supportive of each other and your respective dreams. like when you found out osamu wanted to go into a completely different field than atsumu, you spent a thousand nights trying to convince him that what he was doing was right, and spent another thousand nights trying to convince atsumu that osamu choosing a different career path didn’t mean he was leaving him behind. 

whatever your own dream may be, they’re hella supportive. like suffocatingly so. if it’s something they’re well versed in, like volleyball or cooking, they’re helping you out in every way they can, every second they can. but if they’re unfamiliar with it, they’ll either pretend they’re the most knowledgable people about it and end up embarrassing themselves, or will just support you any other way they can (for example, buying or promoting your things, or proofreading, or helping you edit, etc). 

when the three of you are older and have lives of your own, you still take the time out of your day to catch up. sometimes other days are harder than others, because your lives are so different that there can be no time at all, but every time you see them through a screen or you meet up after hours in osamu’s restaurant, or you and osamu sit front row at one of atsumu’s games, it genuinely doesn’t feel like any time has passed. you’re so different but the exact same. 

they piss you off, insanely so, and you get on their nerves too. you’ve spat ugly words at each other, words you didn’t mean, and made each other cry, frustrated and angered one another, but at the end of the day, you’re siblings. at the end of the day, they’re the most important constants in your life. no matter what, they’re there. 

you can always count on that, you know? :) 

so are y’all gonna send me more prompts like these? 😼 please? 

[ironwoman359]

This is probably not the best place to ask, but you’re also a Christian woman too. I was wondering what you thought about what the Bible says about women and how we must submit to husbands and some other stuff that has me (a potential ace) Christain woman kind of terrified. I would go to my church but social anxiety and my church is pretty conservative. I don’t want to think that we’re just second rate citizens with this. Um…that’s all. You don’t have to answer. Love your Tumblr. It’s one of the main ones I look at. Thanks for countless enjoyment!

— — —

(I’m responding on the submission and not the ask because the ask refused to post properly, I think it was too long for Tumblr’s fancy)

So I know you just asked for my thoughts and not a biblical interpretation lesson, but I didn’t spend 3 months writing an exegesis in college for me to never use those skills again, so buckle up for something of a long answer! (literally, this is almost 3 thousand words, so....sorry about that) *rubs hands together* The thing we need to take into consideration when reading the bible is Interpretation; any truly honest biblical scholar would tell you it is a mistake to take every word in the bible at its literal face value, ESPECIALLY since most of us are reading translations of scripture, not the original ancient hebrew/greek/aramaic/whatever else. So when interpreting scripture, we must consider these things:

Author (Who wrote it?)

Audience (Who was it written for?)

Context (What is written around it?)

So the verses you’re referencing are Ephesians 5:22-23, and in the NIV, they read as follows:

22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

Isolated from author, audience, and context, they sound pretty sexist, don’t they? And male authority figures have used these verses as justification for the oppression of women for centuries, just as white men used the passage only a few verses away, Ephesians 6:5, as justification for the oppression and ownership of black people (Slaves, obey your earthly masters with respect and fear, and with sincerity of heart, just as you would obey Christ). So let’s look at each of the points above in regards to Ephesians 5 and 6. First, who wrote it? Sometimes that can be a tricky question to answer, but in this case, it’s actually very easy (though there is still a bit of fuzziness/debate). Traditionally, Ephesians is one of the Apostle Paul’s letters to the early church. Specifically, to the body of believers in Ephesus, a Greek city that was a part of the Roman Empire at the time. According to two different study bibles I have, the letter of Ephesians was not addressing any particular problem that the church in Ephesus had (as was often the case with Paul’s letters), but was meant as an encouragement of faith and to increase his readers’ understanding of what it meant to be a follower of Christ. So now what about the Context? Why are the verses at the end of chapter 5 and beginning of chapter 6 so damning to our modern sensibilities? To answer that, we must look at the passages both in context to the verses around them, and in historical and cultural context (which is where 1 & 2 come into play again). Going back to the beginning of chapter 4, which is subtitled “Unity in the Body of Christ” (and remember, these subtitles and groupings were come up with LONG after they were written; we grouped sections together in a way we thought was most logical, which honestly for a book as short as Ephesians I would argue is barely even necessary), we can see that the letter from chapter 4 onward is about living a Holy and Godly life. Chapter 4 urges us to be “completely humble and gentle, be patient, bearing with one another in love” and warns us against living “as the Gentiles* do, in the futility of their thinking.” *Gentiles in this case meaning not neccesarily all non-Jews, but non-believers. AKA, we should live like Jesus lived, WWJD and all that jazz. If the Holy Spirit is in our hearts and our relationship with God is at the forefront of our lives, then that should show clearly in our actions. The very first verse of chapter 5 reads “Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.” Chapters 5 and 6 especially are meant to act as a sort of guide for how a follower of Christ should act. There’s some stuff about obscenity, greed, sexual impurity, 5:15 sums it up pretty well basically, “Be very careful, then, how you live- not as unwise but as wise,” and then we reach the all important verse. Ephesians 5:21, “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” That’s a full sentence, just that there. Submit to one another. The following three sections are all subsections of this point: one for Wives submitting to Husbands, one for Children submitting to Parents, and one for Slaves submitting to Masters. But when looking at all of these, bad shepherds (ie, racist, sexist assholes) like to ignore that first bit, submit to one another, just as they like to ignore 5:28, which says “husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself;” or they ignore 6:4 which says “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord;” and they ignore 6:9, “Masters, treat your slaves in the same way. Do not threaten them, since you know that he who is both their Master and yours is in heaven, and there is no favoritism with him.” I do highly encourage you to read chapters 4, 5, and 6 in full, or at least start at 4:17, which is where Paul starts talking about “Living as Children of Light,” because it makes the intent of these apparently damning verses much more clear. Paul is stating that as Christians, we should treat everyone around us with honor and respect. According to one of my study bibles, the grammar of the original Greek suggests that the “submission” involved in all three sections is intended to be mutual submission, and is to come from a filling of the Holy Spirit. However, to be quite frank, Paul still Lived In A Society. A highly structured, patriarchal society, in which all members of a household (women, children, slaves) were expected to submit to the patriarchal head of that household. Male children until they reached adulthood, Slaves until they were freed (remember that, while by no means a purely morally good thing, the system of Roman Slavery was VASTLY DIFFERENT from the Atlantic Slave Trade that men later used this passage to justify existing), and women, unfortunately, for their whole lives. In another one of his letters, what is now the book of Galatians, Paul says in chapter 3 verse 27-29 that “You are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus, for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. If you belong to Christ, then you are Abraham’s seed, and heirs according to the promise.” This would have been radical at the time. Paul is promising all people of all genders and classes that, in the eyes of God, they are Equal, One, and all “sons,” meaning that they all have a right to the Inheritance of the Father (remember, at this time and in this culture women did not get any inheritance, and younger sons got significantly less than the firstborn. Paul assures the believers that they ALL are equal receivers of the Promises of God). But this equality that Paul speaks of was, in his eyes, a spiritual equality. He was not particularly concerned with overthrowing the earthly patriarchal society that subjugated women and lower classes, but rather instructed all members of that society who also were Believers to submit equally to one another out of love and respect, for they were all Equal in God’s eyes and would be Equal in heaven. This is why he both tells women to submit to and obey their husbands, but also husbands to love, cherish, and care for their wives. Children, obey your parents, but Fathers, don’t be dicks to your kids. Slaves should obey their masters (slavery was much more like a job that you weren’t allowed to quit until your boss said so) but Masters shouldn’t abuse their slaves. There are Societal Authorities, and Paul is telling his readers “look you can’t just go around not respecting those Authorities, but also hey, if you’re the Authority? That’s not a free pass to be an asshole.” As one of my study bibles puts it, “Paul counseled all believers to submit to one another by choice…this kind of mutual submission preserves order and harmony in the family while it increases love and respect among family members.” Paul is basically saying “it’s better for everyone if we all get along, and remember that Christ had a servant’s heart, and intentionally lowered himself for us, so we should do the same for each other.” And while a patriarchal class system is still super sucky for like 80% of the people involved, at least it’s a whole lot more bearable if everyone involved is being a Nice, Good Member of that Society. You mentioned being worried about being treated like a “second rate citizen.” The fact of the matter is that when this was written, women were second rate citizens; that is the context in which Paul is writing. And while I firmly believe that that was wrong, in every sense of the word, Paul wasn’t especially concerned about challenging that aspect of society. Priority one was “Spread the Gospel” and Priority two was “Don’t Get Killed while Spreading the Gospel.” Speaking of Paul, let’s talk a little more about Saul of Tarsus, shall we? In all literary analysis, it is important to examine the author’s beliefs and what biases may have made their way into the work. And while we believe the bible to be a Holy Book, it can and should be subject to the same rules of literary analysis as non-religious texts. First, you must ask yourself, what do you believe about the bible? There are four general ways of looking at it (which are called Theories of Inspiration).

The bible is the Divine Word of God, dictated word for word across centuries directly to its human authors by God Himself.

The bible is the Divine Word of God, written across centuries by men Inspired by the Holy Spirit. While they are writing in their own words, this Inspiration means that the bible is Wholly Perfect with no errors.

The bible is the Divine Word of God, written across centuries by men Inspired by the Holy Spirit. However, because they are imperfect, fallible men, there is a possibility of errors in the text, both in the account of events that happened and in the teaching therein.

The bible is a collection of accounts written by men, with no Divine Intervention from God. It is not Holy, God’s Word, or Infallible.

I was raised to believe theory 2, but now I personally believe theory 3. And since I’m the author of this analysis, it is through the lens and bias of theory 3 that I now present my next point: Paul was sexist. I don’t think he was maliciously so (see again, Galatians 3, and the statement in Ephesians 5 that men should honor, cherish, and care for their wives), but he was a product of his time who had ingrained ideas about women and their place in society. This does not A) mean he was right about how women should act OR B) mean that we should toss out everything he had to say, about women or otherwise, because he was Problematic. Most biblical authors were, in fact, Problematic. Either by our modern standards, due to the time in which they lived, OR by the standards of their own time, because God liked to use Imperfect People (we’re all imperfect, but He liked particularly imperfect people) in His plans. David was an adulterer and murderer. Paul happily sent dozens of Christians to their deaths. Peter was hotheaded and super prejudiced against Gentiles and Samaritans. And most of them were, in one way or another, sexist, racist, and homophobic. These biases then found their way, intentionally or not, into their writings, and then other racist, sexist, homophobic men used those writings to justify systemic oppression of anyone who was not like them. Oppression that is not Christlike. So where does that leave us, in our 21st century application of scripture to our daily lives? We must examine how it was to be read at the time (which we have done), and then see what we can apply from it to our own lives. For myself in my marriage, I look again to the original grammar of Ephesians 5, that indicates the submission is to be mutual. I “submit” to my husband, and he “submits” to me. In other words, our relationship is built on Trust, Clear Communication, and Respect for one another. Sometimes we have to compromise, and I have to put aside my own desires for his sake, or he must set aside his own desires for my sake. It is a willingness to listen to one another, to approach conflicts with an open mind, to consider each other’s feelings before we speak. It is an equal, mutual submission based on love for each other, which doesn’t contradict what Paul says at all. God created all people to be equal. Humans are stupid sometimes and try to insist that we know better, try to create hierarchies and use the bible to try and justify that, but that doesn’t mean those humans are right. If your church is trying to make you feel less than because of your gender, or if you date somebody who pushes TradWife rhetoric and tries to use Ephesians as their justification, then you Run, and feel justified in doing so. (Especially if they also try to use Paul’s words to tell you why you owe your partner sex; see again, Paul was not only sexist but also lived in a patriarchal time when women were second class citizens that had very specific expectations placed on them AND he wasn’t even in a relationship himself, forgive me if I take his advice on my sex life with a grain of salt. Without doing this whole process again, a good modern reading of “don’t deprive one another” is “don’t use sex as a weapon in your relationship/withhold it for bs reasons when you’re mad at each other, etc. Like all other relationship things, sex (or a lack thereof) with your spouse should be based on mutual trust, communication, and love, not petty arguments or the standards of others.)

Trust me, as an ace woman myself, I totally get the fear. I’ve felt it myself, in the past. But God’s intentions for you are not that you become a doormat or servant to a man. If a romantic relationship (or any other partnership) is part of His plan for you, then the bible clearly states, both in Ephesians and elsewhere, that it should be one built on Love and Trust, not Subjugation and Servitude.

I hope this helped you, and again, sorry it was so long XD. Have an amazing day! <3

[lubdubsworld]

Better Man.

              ~~~~We might still be in love, if you were a better man. ~~~~

Taehyung x OC 

Rating 18 +

Angst. 

Implied Infidelity in the past. 

Chapter 1 ~ Walk out the first time. 

"Are you okay?" My mother's soft voice came from behind me and i panicked, hurriedly swiping at the tears that were streaking down my face. Heart pounding, I grabbed a bunch of tissues from the dresser, patting my face down hurriedly , making sure to keep my back to her. 

"I'm fine, Mom." I said , voice surprisingly steady as I turned around to smile weakly at her. She stood near the doorway, a petite woman of fifty with greying hair and too many wrinkles. 

I thought she looked older than she was and i knew I had a part to play in that. Sighing, I tried not to cry more, moving to gently take my son out of her arms. 

He was four years old, fast asleep and smiling sweetly in his slumber. He had downy black hair, feather soft and warm brown eyes. He looked incredibly like his father, the resemblance stunning even though he was so young. I stared at him some more, laying him down on the bed and brushing the hair off his face. 

"Are you sure there is no mistake? Taehyung ssi wouldn't hurt us like this..." My mother said, sounding broken and I felt a pang of sympathy. But also annoyance. 

Us. 

Us....like she had an equal share in the hurt I was feeling.

 I was the one getting a  divorce but my mother made it sound like it was personal to her as well. Like somehow, the fact that she now had to meet her friends and tell them that her daughter was divorced could compare to the pain I was feeling. To the sheer anguish that was filling me.

To be fair though, my mother had loved Taehyung very much. Her favorite son-in-law . My sister's husband had been a mean drunkard who had brought a lot of misery to our family. Taehyung by contrast had been a loving, filial son in law. He had cared deeply for my parents, paid for my father's funeral ( even though the man itself was nothing more than a drunk , cheating fool who had abandoned us )  and he had been the most kind man . 

I swallowed. 

Maybe , you should have forgiven him. Maybe , you shouldn't have divorced him . So, he slept with another woman. Fine.  It was one night... just one night. you should have gotten over it! Was it worth it to spend all these countless nights alone? To break your mother's heart a thousand times over? 

 The funny thing was, i had forgiven him. Maybe right after I had found out. He had stood there, looking shell-shocked and horrified and his eyes had begged me for forgiveness and my heart had cracked , the way it always did whenever I saw him in distress. And when he had looked me in the eye and said, "  I’m sorry,  Jang mi..." I had forgiven him right then and there.

 But it was the forgetting that was hard. The fear that it would happen again. The fear that somehow, I was the reason he strayed. And that kind of fear can be debilitating. For the first three weeks, I'd tried to pretend it hadn't happened. I had tried hard to see him the way I had always seen him but it had been impossible. everytime I saw him, my heart had broken anew. It had been hard but I had to accept that things would never be the same. That I would forever look at him and remember what he’d done. That I would forever wonder if he would do it again. 

So we had done the wise thing. 

At first a break.

 A few days apart to get our head on straight.  Then I’d found a job and I had to move closer to the office to make the commute easy. And then suddenly, I wasn’t seeing him even during the weekends , to spend time as family for our son’s sake. And just like that , a whole year had passed and we  were separated. Only meeting to hand Hoshi over to each other. 

"I'm sorry mother." I said softly. I knew that she blamed me, a whole lot for the separation. 

People with children  didn't leave each other over infidelity in my country. You hit your husband, denied him from your bed maybe but you didn't break up a family over one night of bad decisions. You just didn't .

But for me, it was beyond the act. It was the broken trust, the shock of knowing that some other woman had given him something I couldn't, the fact that he had even wanted it from another woman had been enough for me to crumble on the inside.  

But, none of it mattered now. 

He wanted a divorce. Officially. Wanted to end it for real. 

It was jarring, how badly it shook me. I felt unaccountably lost and confused and disoriented. I couldn't imagine not being Taehyung’s wife , i realized with a stunning sense of self realization.

 Call me irrational, but apparently, I couldn't stop thinking of him as my husband , even after two years. Soon he wouldn't be my husband. 

He would be  my ex -husband. 

i hated that word. 

It had such a plethora of negative connotations to it. When you hear it , you just brace yourself for unpleasantness.

 Because it is unpleasant. A marriage ending, a family breaking, feelings hurt , hearts shattered,  angry words tossed...its all a very unpleasant experience for everyone involved. 

An ex husband was seldom a harbinger of happiness, more often a reminder of choices gone wrong, regrets and wasted time. and I didn’t want to associate Taehyung with a word like that.

Taehyung who was still the kindest, warmest human being I knew. The best father in the world. 

I felt like someone had sucked all the strength out of me.

I didn’t really want to think about the call I’d gotten from Taehyung last night. An appointment with a divorce lawyer.  It had been followed by an apology because apparently, someone in the law firm had let the info leak. And now it was all over the sleazy tabloids that fed on people’s misery. 

It was impossible to escape it too, Taehyung was famous. An idol. And actor. The country's sweetheart. And he was the epitome of perfection. The beautiful, talented actor with an impeccable record of well behavior. 

I knew that literally everyone on the planet thought he was a literal angel. 

 I remembered how much , by contrast, I had been hated when I'd married him.

I could just imagine how much more it would all be this time around. And i wondered if it bothered Taehyung too. Did he perhaps wish he’d never met me

? 

It had been sheer luck that we had met.... 

In fact, if Jimin's  car hadn't broken down right outside our home on that cold December night, I wouldn't have even met Taehyung. A great cosmic shift, somewhere some butterfly flapped its wing a certain way and suddenly, Jimin’s car ran over a thumbtack and his phone was dead so while he tried to fix the damage , Taehyung  just had to knock on our home and I had been the one to open it. 

Boom. That was it. Love at first sight. 

 I had been a high school kid and he had been barely nineteen. Fresh faced and cheerful , the struggling idol from a small company. He hadn't been surrounded by fans or chased by saesangs. He hadn't had security tailing him. No daesangs, BBMAs, or acting awards. No blockbuster movies to his credit , no chart-bursting songs either . 

And I had fallen in love with that version of him. 

The hardworking, talented young man who worked twice as hard as anyone around him. 

 That's right. You've loved him for fifteen years.  So it's understandable that you're upset. Now, maybe you can move on too. Go on a few of those blind dates that Jiyoung is always setting you up on. Go live your life instead of being a zombie. Get a hair cut. Dye your hair red. Do something to get your life in order. 

"I still find it hard to believe that he would want a divorce. Jangmi yah... did you tell him you forgave him? Tell him you wanted to try again..." My mother said again and the distress in her voice was equal parts heartbreaking and exasperating. 

"Mother, I don't want to try again . We aren't married anymore. It's over, whatever it was between us. " 

 Whatever it was. 

How cruel, to have all that love, all that affection  reduced to a phrase like that. 

What a pity. 

"But what about Hoshi? He needs his father..." My mother cried out and I willed myself not to snap. She means well, I thought miserably. 

"He has a father. Taehyung is an excellent father and you know that. Don’t start that again.” 

My mother sighed.

"I still feel that this wouldn’t happen if you tried a little bit. He’s a good boy. Such a good boy and you could never do anyone better. Why are you so full of pride, Jangmi... so prideful...you should be a little humble. Think of the kind of man he is...where would you find a man like that ? And moreover .... Taehyung loves you. i know he does." My mother said stubbornly. 

I sighed, feeling my fingers shake from the effort not to scream. I wasn’t strong enough to have this conversation with her. Not now. Possibly never. Taehyung did  love me. Had never made any effort to hide it. But sometimes, love wasn’t enough. It just wasn’t. 

And I wanted to yell at my mother she was at least partially to blame for me walking out on Taehyung. 

My father had left us for another woman , when I was twelve. I had seen the toll it had taken on my mother and I just knew that I would never let a man do that to me. My mother had later confided in me that it wasn’t the first time. He had done it before. A lot of times. And my mother had always forgiven him. Let him back into our lives. 

And one night, drunk on soju she had confided between hiccups, ‘ I wish I’d walked out the first time.” 

And that had stuck with me. 

Walk out the first time. 

If he cheats on you , walk out the first time. Don’t stick around waiting for him to do it to you again. Walk out the first time. 

 And so I had. 

“ Should I talk to him? Tell him you’ve changed your mind? “ My mother began and I felt my patience snap.

“No!! Could you just, for the love of God, stay out of this, ma? It’s over. Our marriage is over and it has been over for a long time. A piece of paper doesn’t really change that, does it? Its not my fault you can’t get over it but that’s a you problem. And you need to fix it yourself.  “ I shouted. 

My mother immediately recoiled, eyes shuttering down. 

“Of course. You know the best. Who cares how anyone else feels, right, Jang Mi? You always know best.” She said softly, and I exhaled, shaken. There it was. The guilt trip. It was never ending. 

Please... I just need to go now.” I moved to grab my bag, :” I need to go get ready for the meeting with the lawyers tomorrow. You can keep Hoshi with you tonight.  I’ll come pick him up after I’m done and then I’ll drop him off at his father’s place.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

With Taehyung and I, our break up hadn’t been terrible. 

It hadn’t been terrible because our own penchant for being terrible had always been very minimal. We didn’t do swearing or fights or threats and it always annoyed our friends that we got along so well. That it was so easy for us to forgive and move on with each other . That we were the one couple who didn’t hold grudges or bring up past mistakes. 

Which is why, when we did break up, none of our friends had tried to change our minds over it. They had accepted it rather calmly, shocked at first because it was so out of the blue but not opposed to the idea itself . They just trusted us to know the right thing to do because we were easily the most mature , the most level headed couple in the entire group. We were usually the sounding boards , the voice of reason in whatever petty conflict our friends were involved in . 

So when it was us, needling a little advice, a little guidance, our friends had been woefully ill equipped to help. They had merely hummed and nodded and empathized. Maybe that was another reason I’d left. I hadn’t considered the alternative. No one had asked me to consider the alternative. 

Our friends had watched us drift apart watched us break up, but they hadn’t really asked us  why.  

Because if something had caused Kim Taehyung and Jang Mi to break up, man, that must’ve been a really huge issue. 

So the break up had been amicable. Gradual and slow but mostly amicable, eased by our mutual love for our son. We wanted him happy and he was happy when we were happy. So we put on a front, laughed and joked in front of him and let him have some semblance of normalcy in his life. 

It wasn’t easy. 

From him,  it had been nothing but a mess of   heated glances, touches laced with intent and eyes begging forgiveness . every gaze of his was a silent scream for a second chance that I was not at all ready to give. 

Because for me, the raw hurt and anger and frustration that bubbled up every time I saw him , it had nowhere to go. It stayed churning in my gut, made everything bitter and unpalatable and I wanted to hurt him for hurting me. How could I think of a second chance when the hurt from the first, was still so fresh, an open wound festering. 

Self esteem in tatters, I had hated him fiercely. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The meeting was at his company, and I arrived at nine in the morning, with a few more minutes to spare.  I knew the place like the back of my hand, was here at least  once a week either to pick or drop Hoshi off and I knew that the conference room in the third floor was sound proof and cut off from the rest of the building for extra privacy. 

Which was a little too late because I’d found two tabloid newspapers waiting outside my apartment this morning. 

I opened the door carefully, surprised to see Taehyung sitting in one of the chairs, bent over a sheaf of paper on the table and next to him a leggy girl in a small skirt hovered, fingers resting lightly on his shoulder, bent at the optimum angle to show him her curves. 

I sighed, looking away.

It was way too early for this. 

“Mia!” Taehyung’s voice made me look up, and I watched as he stood up, pushing the chair away and moving to me . He was easily the most good looking man in the country. And he looked so good at thirty five that it was impossible to look away from him. 

He was dressed in a pale blue shirt and black slacks and it never amazed me, how good clothes fit him. 

I took in the broad shoulders, thick arms and the lean waist, the carefully styled hair and the breathtakingly beautiful face and sighed when he kept coming closer, hands held out. . 

Of course, the customary hug. 

i let him wrap his arms around me, my face buried in the comforting warmth of his body, the scent of his cologne filling my brain . He always smelled so good it made my heart hurt. I tried not to let myself get carried away. Tried to remind myself that this wasn’t anything more than a.....

A facade ? Or was it? Was his affection genuine? 

Was I just too cynical?

I shook my head, pulling away and smiling a little at the genuine venom in the leggy girl’s face. 

“Are you okay? Where’s Hoshi?” Taehyung brushed the hair off my face, eyes warm and I wondered if he’d forgotten we were here to get a divorce.

 Whenever we met, Taehyung acted like we were still together. 

No, that wasn’t it. 

He just didn’t act like we had broken up. He was affectionate and open and cooperative. It always left me in a sort of limbo, unable to navigate our relationship with clear boundaries. There were no line to stop myself from crossing, because he just didn’t draw them. 

“ Ms. Lee says we just have to go over the details like the alimony and the custody and the division of assets and then we can just proceed. Get it all finalized.  “ He said casually, when I moved away and sat on the chair opposite him. 

“Okay .” I said casually. 

He smiled and turned back to the girl next to him.

“I’ll join you after the meeting Lisa.” he gave her a nice wide smile and the girl practically bloomed under the attention before bowing curtly in my direction. I watched her walk away, slightly amused.

“Bit younger than your usual type.” I commented , glancing at him. He gave me a look.

“I’m not dating her.” He shrugged. 

“Does she know that?” I retorted.

 It was dumb. Uncalled for. I was being a bitch, really but the urge to evoke some kind of reaction from Taehyung was something I’d never really out grown. I liked getting under his skin.

Taehyung sighed and gave me a little smirk.

“Are you jealous, Mia mine?” He teased. 

It felt a little like someone had dug a nine inch dagger straight  into my heart. 

That stupid nickname. 

God I couldn’t bear it. 

Swallowing i looked away. 

“Sorry. “ he said quietly, a few seconds later. 

I nodded curtly. 

“Don’t do it again.” I said hoarsely. 

“Why not?” He whispered gently. 

I groaned. 

“Taehyung... “

“it’s just a name...why does it bother you so much?” He whispered. 

“The same reason you’re asking me for a divorce.” I said softly.

He blinked.

“Mia...”

“Because we both know its time to stop.” I said quietly. “ Stop dancing around each other , stop doing...whatever it is we’ve been doing these past two years and give our relationship a name. “ 

“I’m not very fond of labels.” He shrugged. I glared at him. 

“Well tough luck. Labels are good. Labels are great. They let you draw boundaries. “ I retorted. 

“You sound like you’ve had enough of me.”

“Well, haven’t you had enough of me?” I snapped.

“Not even close.” He leaned forward gently, eyes pinning me to the table with a gaze so strong he may as well have used his body. And it didn’t help that two years wasn’t enough time to forget how it would feel if he  had  used his body. How it would feel to be stretched out on that table, him on top of me, hands working my clothes open, lips kissing their way down my jaw. 

I could almost taste him, taste the minty freshness of his breath, feel his tongue in my mouth, the hardness of him inside me. My thighs clenched because I hadn’t gotten laid in two fucking years and even if i did, no one would ever compare to the man in front of me. 

“Mr. Kim? Mrs. Kim? “ 

The lawyer’s voice broke the spell and i straightened, swallowing. Ms. Lee had walked in , and I watched her close the conference door behind her before locking it gently. 

She was young, dressed in a business suit , a no nonsense bun and had small round framed glasses. She gave me a nice smile, shook hands with us both and placed her briefcase on the table before glancing between us. 

“Shall we begin?” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Author’s Note : its gonna be a bumpy ride. 

[ellana-ravenwood]

Can you be friend with your husband's ex-girlfriend ? - Bruce Wayne x Fem!Reader

Synopsis : Everyone always think you and Selina Kyle don’t like each others, solely for the fact that she used to "date” your husband. But as usual in life, things are much more complicated than that...A fluffy Drabble mainly about how truly strong, Bruce and reader’s love is. 

Listen. My students were having quiet reading times, and I had a sudden burst of inspiration as one of them chose a French story in which a mother and a step-mother unite fronts to save their little magical kid (I love that story haha), and it suddenly inspired me. I LOVE Catwoman. Like. A lot. And in my head, her and Batmom have always been...Oh. No spoilers. The rest in this story ;). Hope you’ll like this little bonus story ! : 

My masterlist blog : @ella-ravenwood-archives

__________________________________________________

“You look beautiful mom, do you have a date with father ? I thought date nights were on Thursdays.” 

You jumped a little in the air as your son’s voice resonate in the foyer. Definitely didn’t hear him, sneaky little bugger. You turn around towards him, and smile, saying : 

“It is on Thursdays, my little buddy. I’m having a girls night out, tonight.” 

“Girls night out ?” 

“Yes. You know, Cass and I are the only girls of the family. Sometimes we need to vent to our peers. Cass usually goes to see Steph and Babs, I go out with my friends.” 

You smile at him again, ruffling his hair, and he can’t help but chuckle a little bit. In recent months, Damian found that he actually loves, when the one he came to call “mom” (you), ruffled his hair. It made him feel like the little boy he was, as odd as it could sound to anyone not knowing him. 

“I didn’t know you went on such nights.” 

“I do, once a month. You just haven’t noticed because it’s usually on nights you’re out with your father rather early.” 

“I see. If it isn’t too -he hesitates- personal, can I ask with who you are going out ? Who are your friends ?” 

Your smile widens. Because just over a year back, that boy would’ve never cared about this. About who you hung out with, or about you in general. 

Ah, since he came in your life, he went a long way. The mere fact he wanted to know more about you was proof enough, and you felt absolutely touched. 

Even more so as you realized that he not only asked about your friends because he wanted to know you, but because he was a little worried about who you might spend time with, wether they’d put you in danger or not...So, oh so sweet. 

“Well, as cliche as it sounds, I’m going out with mainly other supermoms. We like to vent about...Things -you were aware that telling your son you and your friends love to vent about them wasn’t the best answer right now haha- So, Lois, you know her of course. Jon’s mom. There’s also Dinah, Connor’s mom. You saw him a few time at the Watchtower, although he’s quite younger than you so I don’t think you interact much. I bet you already know she’s Black Canary, and married to Green Arrow, I saw you snoop in your father’s files.” 

Your son’s face redden a little, but you give him a reassuring winks totally meaning : “I snooped around too”, and it makes him smile. You continue : 

“And finally there’s Diana. She’s not a mom yet, but she loooooves to listen to our stories. She’s also great at changing subjects and partying, who would’ve thought right ? I guess having thousand of years of practice helps. I’m sure you know she’s Wonder Woman eh. Oh, and of course, there’s Selina.” 

“Selina ?” 

“Yes.” 

“As in...Catwoman ?” 

“Yes ?” 

You can see your son wants to add something, and you’re pretty sure you know what it’s gonna be. But you let him ask naturally, leave him time to gather his thoughts and dare to ask. After all, you want to instal an atmosphere of trust, between you and your children. You want them to know they can always ask you anything. So you wait. Finally, Damian says : 

“Why are you meeting with this woman ? Don’t you like, hate her ?” 

"Why would I hate her ?” 

You know exactly why he’s thinking that. But you want him to elaborate, to make sense of his feelings about the subject. Simply, to talk. 

“Well...her and father used to...you know...” 

It’s not quite as formed as you were hoping for, but you do know. And at least, he tried. There was a time he would’ve just gotten mad you purposefully pretended not to understand his meaning, and would’ve left this instant.

You smile at him once more. To be honest, so many people thought you and Selina Kyle didn’t get along. 

You guess it would make sense, it’t true, she’s your husband ex after all. AND one of the only woman for whom he truly cared about. Those, were very few...

In fact, there was only three of you, in Bruce’s life, that truly made a difference. Sure, he had been infatuated before, with quite a few women. But only three, truly stood out. 

Talia Al’Ghul, of course. Not his first love (that was Julie Madison, although he was much too young to really know what love even was, and compared to you, it was just mild infatuation). But someone that used to be important nonetheless. The reason your sweet Damian (yes, sweet, especially when around you) was alive. 

She was important, once. When he was training under her father’s guidance, before he realized who Ras really was. 

Talia was a complicated woman who unfortunately could never truly get away from her upbringing, no matter how hard she tried. She was “too far gone”, by her own words. It was clear to Bruce, that if even herself thought she was un-savable, he couldn’t do much either. He did try, though. But it just never worked. 

You were certain that she left Damian in Bruce’s care, when the boy was barely ten, exactly because she didn’t want him to turn out like her. Which in itself, was a little redemption act, no ? At least, you thought so. 

Didn’t mean that you thought you could change her mind about those “world domination” plans that were ingrained in her mind since she was born. Fact is, she gave Damian a chance. 

You never hated Talia. You actually felt pretty sorry for her. 

She could’ve had such a different life, if, all those years ago, she had been able to leave her father. Not that you would want to, it’d mean that you and Bruce would never be (even if deep down, you knew that you and him would always end up together, no matter what...it would’ve just been a little lethal for you, if Talia was more around um um). 

Talia never even really tried to get “her” son back. It seemed she completely accepted to “give him” to you. She self-admittedly never really knew how to be a mother, and there was that time she had him killed because she thought it was meant to be...

Not that, anyway, you’d ever let that happen again. You made it very clear you wouldn’t. And your resolve and anger could be scary, even to Talia Al’Ghul.

Plus, the day she had Damian killed, she realized she didn’t want that...anyway long story short, she was no longer in his life. And although if one day she changed her mind and wanted to contact him again you wouldn’t oppose it, you knew Damian was yours. Everyone knew that if one day she would come back, beyond the fact you, Bruce, and his siblings would be here to protect Damian...The boy would never choose to go back to the Al Ghuls. 

He changed drastically, since he came with you. He was no longer her son. And she knew it. And didn’t interfere so far (and you knew she never would). 

He called YOU “mom”. He told YOU he loves you. You. Not her. he never interacted with you like he did with her anyway. And you still didn’t hate Talia. She was part of both Bruce, and Damian’s past (AUTHOR’S NOTE : a little reminder that Damian was born from a “test tube” with Bruce and Talia’s DNA (to simplify things), and had a surrogate mother to give birth to him (although sometimes he’s seen in literal “baby pods” like in Death Stranding haha). He was born A WHILE after Bruce left Talia and the League behind. He wasn’t born 9 months after. This is important infos so things fit timeline wise :)).

The second woman who had a great impact on your husband’s life, and who used to be “his”, was...Selina Kyle. 

For a long time Bruce felt like she was the only one to understand him. The only one accepting him for who he was, with no compromise. The only person on this Earth that wouldn’t try to change him. And although things were often “on and off”, and complicated, it was nice, to feel like he belonged. And Selina... Selina was the only one giving him this feeling. 

But...Well, he was wrong.  

Because then, you, the “third” and yet most important woman in his life, appeared. 

You arrived years after his love story with Talia, and quite a while after he started to realize him and Selina were maybe not meant to be. Too many differences, even as they understood each others (or at least he thought they did).

Then you barged in. A bit younger than him. Unafraid to be yourself, bold and utterly stubborn. Turning his world upside down, and making him reconsider if he ever knew what the word “love” meant before you.  

But that, was another story. Anyone seeing you with him, and particularly the way he looked at you, would instantly know how crazy he was about you. How desperately in love he was. 

Right now, the question wasn’t about how strong your bond was, and how he never loved anyone like he loves you. 

Nope. Right now, it was all about how you didn’t hate his exes (not even Talia). How anyway, they were part of his life at some point, that was a fact you could never change. 

Before you, Bruce had a past. Past. 

A past. A path. A path that lead him to you. A path that taught him to not make the same mistakes he made before, and a path that showed him it was you. That it has always been you. 

A past path, that couldn’t compare to his present with you. 

You didn’t even feel particularly jealous of them, you knew how Bruce felt about you, and that they were just that...part of his past. 

Now, sure. You would probably never even be friendly with Talia. Who she was and what she stood for made it so. The opposite of you, really. 

But Selina ? Well. Selina was another story. 

You smile at your son, and say : 

“Do you think of Selina and I as “conventional women” ? “

His answer came without a second of hesitation, Damian didn’t even have to think to say what he thought of your question : 

“Certainly not.” 

“Exactly. Now. Maybe society teaches girls they should instantly hate their boyfriend’s ex, but I chose not to listen. It’s a toxic view of life, and not all exes are crazy jealous psychos as the people make it sound ? Sometimes, like in your father and Selina’s case, the relationship ends on good terms. Selina is a great woman. As soon as she knew your dad and I were actually a thing, she backed off.” 

Well. That wasn’t entirely true. She backed off of Bruce. But she still LOVED driving him crazy jealous by openly flirting with you. 

“And I know how your dad feels about me. I trust him, too. Trust is important, you know that now right ? -he nods- So. Why would I hate someone I have a lot in common with, and with whom I’d probably be friend anyway if you father wasn’t in the picture ?” 

“I...I guess you wouldn’t ?” 

“And I indeed don’t.” 

Your son was visibly confused, and you couldn’t blame him really. 

Because of how the World was, but also because of who raised him (Talia was...a jealous woman), you understood how he couldn’t quite understand you not feeling threaten in the least by the fact Selina was your Broosh’s ex. So you say, kissing his forehead :

“I’ll tell you a few stories, soon. And I think you’ll get it.” 

“Ok, mom.” 

You smiled. He hadn’t call you “mom” for very long, and you quickly noticed he used every opportunity to use the word. It melted your heart. 

“Now, I have to go ! If I’m late, Diana is going to fly me out of here, and your father HATES when she does that. Goodnight baby, see you soon. Make sure to eat a proper dinner. I told Alfred but I trust you to listen. And force your dad to have one too, when I’m not here, he forgets things...even as important as literally feeding himself. Too engrossed in his project, you know. Anyway, love you. Good night !” 

“Good night, mom.” 

And with a last smile, you go out and leave behind a son that has a LOT of things to think about. 

************

A few days later, it was Damian’s mandatory night off and he was going to bed early. Your orders. You convinced him, by promising to read him a bedtime story.

Many would think your son was too proud to even admit you still read him stories before bed, even as he was approaching the age of 12. But many would be wrong. 

If there was something Damian wasn’t afraid of, it was to tell the world how much of a mamma’s boy he was. Nobody could blame him, he never really had a “real” mom. Not one like you, at least, who taught him with love and patience, and not hired assassins and blood. 

“Ok Little Buddy, what will it be tonight ?” 

"The story of how you became friend with Catwoman ?”

Your taken aback for a few seconds, you had totally forgotten about telling him about your “girls night out”. But then you smile, settle down next to him on his bed, and as he threw his heavy and comfortable quilt on both of you, you start your story. 

The day she saved your life. 

The first time you realized you and Selina could very well become friends one day, was that time she literally saved your life. Definitely a hint that she didn’t hate you, at least. 

And you ? Sure, at first you were a little insecure because you knew she was Bruce’s ex and Selina was...Well she was a gorgeous woman, smart, witty, and very VERY hot. 

But after seeing her a few times there and there, and seeing how she interacted with Bruce...you knew Selina Kyle was not the “home wrecker” time. That she would never try anything with him, as long as she knew you two were a thing. 

Sure she was a thief, unscrupulously taking whatever she wanted from whomever she wanted...but “someone else’s man” was definitely where she drew a limit. She felt absolutely no pleasure being a mean spirited person. 

And she saw how happy Bruce was with you...Which lead to that fateful night during which you two started to get closer. 

Because sure, you fought off your insecurities about her being his ex, but you weren’t exactly friendly. You just...knew of each others. 

The change happened not long after Bruce made it official with the media that he was no longer “Gotham’s most eligible bachelor”, and was in a serious relationship with you. 

To your surprise, the people in the city took it really well. Bruce was a beloved figure, they were happy that after years of clearly love life instability, he found someone. Sure, a few women and men had their heart broken, their dreams shattered, and were totally jealous of you but...

Anyone seeing you with him just instantly knew you guys were the real deal. That it was true love, as cheesy as it sounded. It was just that obvious. 

Maybe too obvious. 

Clearly, soon, everyone in Gotham knew how much Bruce Wayne cared about his girlfriend. How he would do anything for her. And...Well. 

This was Gotham. Do you get the picture ? 

It was a time during which you hadn’t moved in with him just yet. You’d do that only a few months later, not long before you and Bruce would adopt Dick. 

But for now, you still had your studio apartment in the heart of Gotham (refusing to take any handouts from Bruce, who could definitely get you a better place), and you were going back there after a few meeting with your publishers. 

You were suppose to meet Bruce the next day, as tonight, he was working on some important “Batcases”. You didn’t mind too much. Sometimes, it was nice to be alone with yourself, gave you a moment of self-care and calm. 

You loved Bruce of course, and loved being with him, but it was still nice to have some alone time nonetheless. 

Anyway. You were walking back, feeling rather good about the bath bomb that was waiting for you back home (it was from your favorite artisanal shop, a gift from Bruce, who definitely had no qualms buying you hundreds of dollars worth of bath bombs haha...If he couldn’t help you get a better apartment, didn’t mean he wasn’t gonna spoil you otherwise). 

That’s when it happened. You never even saw it coming. One second you were walking down the street, the next you had a damp towel around your mouth and nose, and everything went to black. 

************

You woke up in a warehouse. By the salty smell in the air though, you guessed you were somewhere on the docks. Which didn’t tell much, there was a lot of docks, in Gotham. Perks of living on a city with a seafront view ?

There was a group of men in a corner, playing cards. In front of you, a camera. You were gagged, your arms and legs were bound, and your head hurt like hell. 

“Hey, she woke up.”  

A shuffling to your side. The men playing cards were moving. They came to you, one turned the camera on. The other one put on some headphones and slowly directed a mic towards you, as the last man pulled on a ski mask and settled in front of the camera. 

Nothing made sense to you. Until the man in front of the camera started to talk. 

“Bruce Wayne. We have your girlfriend. If you don’t bring us-” 

Oh. Oh. You were kidnapped. And those men wanted a ransom. An insane amount of money. That you knew Bruce had, but still. Ah. 

You had to get out of here. You had to. 

You looked around you, nothing. And there were the three men. Oh. Oh but the edges of your chair were sharp. And if you slowly made a back and forth movement with your wrists, you could see it slowly cutting the ropes. And so, you got to work.  

Only...

“Believe me, we won’t hesitate to hurt her. Here, a proof of “good faith”.”

Huh ? OUTCH ! The man in front of the camera had just almost knocked you out with the force of his punch in your jaw. You were wondering if he hadn’t broken it. You couldn’t quite think anymore, and could feel the tears slowly falling on their own from your eyes... 

Damn, it hurt. You didn’t see it coming either, too focused on slowly cutting the ropes while making sure they didn’t notice. 

“Ok, I think that’s good. Whaddaya think, Rupert ?”

“We can do another take if you want, and then edit the punch in ? I’m not sure she can handle another hit like that, she looks pretty shaken up.” 

“Ah well we-”

“Oooooh booyyys !” 

Your ears were ringing, everything was blurry, and your head hurt so much. But you definitely recognized that voice. 

“Catwoman, you’re early.” 

Huh ? What was she doing here... 

“Well, I thought I’d pop in a little earlier knowing you boys would be around. I’m sort of in a hurry. I accept cash of course, as usual. I think you’ll find the array of jewelries I brought today to be...What the hell are you doing ?”

“Mm ? Oh, her ? A little side operation. She’s Bruce Wayne’s sweetheart. Rumors has it he’d burn the world for her, we thought we’d take advantage of it and expend our business.” 

“That’s quite a jump from fencing stolen jewelries, to kidnapping, isn’t it ?” 

The man shrugged, and turned back to you. 

“Well, you don’t achieve anything if you don’t start new ventures. And there’s big money to be made here. For sure. That idiot Wayne will pay up, there’s no doubt.” 

You heard the click-clacks of heels, and a shadow came into your vision. 

“What did you do to her, you animals ?” 

“Just a punch. And maybe we weren’t too delicate with her when we moved her to our van, and then here. But it’s fine. Nothing too bad really.” 

Slowly you were regaining your vision. And the pain was retrieving. You had never been punched before. You kinda hope it would never happen again... 

The way those thugs were talking about the all thing was so casual, from them talking about how they’d edit the video destined to Bruce, to how they were just saying they were expanding their operation...For a little bit, you almost forgot you were from Gotham.

Gotham. 

America’s capital of crime. 

Where little thugs like those ones were plenty. 

Men who thought they could “make it big”.

Gotham.

A place that bred someone like your Bruce, and his nightly activities... 

Selina’s voice raised again, harsh and dry : 

“I give you all the things I stole in the past month, in exchange of her.” 

There’s a short silence, followed by a chuckle from one of the man, clearly the leader, who answers : 

“Oh please. We ain’t stupid. We know her value. And we know someone like you, wouldn’t trade anything in for her if she wasn’t valuable. You’re not exactly known to be a nice woman.” 

There’s a hint of anger crossing Selina’s face, and you immediately understand where it comes from. Sure. She was a thief. A criminal. And sometimes, she’d rough up some security guards, or some fellow criminals that think they could cross her. 

But she was no brute. 

She would never NEVER kidnap anyone, and especially not an innocent. 

She protected children, and defenseless woman in her neighborhood, and whenever she could. She wasn’t exactly a hero, like Bruce; That’s for sure. But she wasn’t a bad person. No. She wasn’t. 

And those guys words ? Just infuriated her. 

“Mm. Too bad for you. Don’t go out and say I didn’t give you a chance. Really, too bad. I liked doing business with you.” 

“What are you-”

In an instant, Selina sprout in action, and knocked the three men out before they could even realize. That was impressive. Even gagged, you could hear yourself utter a “wow” as she rushed back to you to untie you. 

She smiled as she saw you made a good way through the ropes, and were most likely be able to get out of your bounds at some point. You were glad you didn’t though, because you weren’t quite sure what you were going to do once free ? 

You fall forward on the floor and she catches you. Your head is still ringing, as you look at Selina. 

There is genuine concern on her face. 

How odd. 

"Are you okay ?” 

“Yes, I’m fine.” 

“Good. Cause I refuse to be the one telling Bruce the person he loves the most in this world died. Again.” 

“Yes. Thank you I-I...”

“Hey, are you okay ? (Y/N) ? (Y/N) ??” 

You could hear Selina call to you, and it felt like her voice was slowly fading into the distance...The adrenaline gone, the stress of it all gone, you had simply passed out. 

************

“Is she alright ?!” 

Bruce arrived, bursting through a window, and ran to you. Your head was in Selina’s lap (she felt bad just leaving you laying down there on the hard concrete ground), and she was casually sitting, her back against a container. 

She was surrounded by the knocked out bodies of your aggressors. 

“Yes. Yes she’s just sleeping. She got roughed up a little bit, but I checked. Nothing too bad. It’ll leave a few bruises. Nothing time cannot heal.” 

After saving you, totally by chance, Selina called Bruce on his red phone, so he would know it’s an emergency. 

It didn’t even take him more than ten minutes to drop the case he was working on, cross town, and arrive. 

He kneeled next to you, and checked every part of you to make sure Selina was right. But it did appear you were just asleep. The shock was too big, probably. 

“How did you know she was here ?” 

“I didn’t. It was all luck. Those men were some...um...Associates of mine.” 

“You have associates that kidnap women ?” 

There was anger in Bruce’s voice, but Selina knew better than to think it was aimed at her. No. It was anger he felt towards those men who hurt you, and towards himself, too, as he wasn’t there to take care of you. 

“No. She’s their first.” 

He looks at you, with a longing and love in his eyes that he never looked at Selina with. She recognizes it instantly. He’s more in love with you than he ever been with her. Was it even really love, between them, or a strong friendship ? Sometimes, the two were difficult to dissociate.

She stares at him, because it’s quite something, to see the Batman himself so desperately in love that he dropped everything he was doing to run to you, knowing that you were safe. 

It’s quite something, to see the Batman himself ready to give it all up just for one person. Something he was never willing to do before. Never willing to do with Selina... 

She stares at him, and smiles. An almost sad smile, because it hurts a bit, he never looked at her like that. But a smile nonetheless, because she knows now for sure, that he found his true love. 

Nobody would peg Catwoman for a romantic, but oh, oh she was a hopeless sap. Especially when it touched her dear friends. 

Bruce looks at her, and mistakes that look in her eyes for something that isn’t there. She can see it instantly. He thinks she’s sad, that she’s truly hurt he found someone else. That he moved on. 

She’s not. But of course, he would think so. 

“Selina I-”

“Don’t Bruce. It’s ok. You and I were never meant to be together, and we knew it. Doesn’t mean we can’t be friend. I actually think we work better, as friends, don’t you ? Take care of her. She’s definitely a keeper.” 

You slowly shift in Bruce’s arms, and he takes a look at you. At your wounds. His heart tightens, and he holds you with more force. 

“Thank you.” 

He barely whispers it, but Selina hears him. She smiles at him, happy that her friend found happiness. True happiness. 

All she ever wanted for Bruce, was for him to find a way to be happy. Clearly, she wasn’t that. But you...You definitely were. 

“I don't know what I would’ve done if she...” 

“Hey, hey come on Bat. Don’t think about this. She’s fine. Just tired from the shock. She’ll recover, she’s strong. And you’ll be here, right ?” 

“...Yes.” 

He didn’t sound too convince, and Selina could feel a big urge to slap him across the face. Because she knew what he was thinking. And he’d better not do it. 

“Bruce if you-”

“Thank you, Selina. I’m going to take her home, now. She needs the rest. And-And I do too.” 

And on that note, he exited the warehouse, holding you tight in his arms. And oh. Oh Selina hoped to everything she held sacred (and that wasn’t a lot of things) that he wouldn’t be a stupid idiot. 

The day she saved his heart. 

He couldn’t stop thinking of that time you got hurt. Because of him. Because he was Bruce Wayne...What if anyone got wind that he was Batman ? 

It’d be even worst. If someone like the Joker, or Penguin ever knew who he really was (and that was definitely a possibility), being with you would sign your death. 

He had to-

“Oh god Bruce you are SO cliche.” 

He slightly jumped in the air as Selina casually sat down beside him, looking down to the dark streets below. There was a slight fog, and she couldn’t help but roll her eyes at how even the weather decided to join in ont he stereotype. 

“Excuse me ?” 

“You’re a living cliche. What, brooding all alone on a rooftop, on a full moon night, wondering if you should ruin your life or not, sacrifice your own happiness for dumb reasons.” 

“What ?” 

“What, breaking up with her to protect her ? Really ? Do you even know how dumb that sounds ?” 

“I didn’t-”

“Your thoughts are plain to see. I know you, Bruce. And I noticed your face, ever since she got hurt. And what you’re thinking? Leaving her for her own safety ? D-U-M-B. So dumb.”

“Did you not pay attention to the close call she just had ?!” 

“I was there to save her. And if I wasn’t, you would’ve barged in and save her. Or better yet, when I arrived, she had made her way half way through her bounds by slowly cutting it on the edge of her chair ! She might’ve escaped on her own !”

“Or gotten killed.” 

“But she’s alive.”

“No thanks to me.” 

“So what, you renounce happiness because maybe one day she’ll be in danger ? This is Gotham, Bruce. She is always in danger. And if you leave her alone, like I know you’re thinking about, she will definitely be an easy target. It’s not because you break up with her that people will stop thinking you care about her. In fact, after she got attacked like that, and it was made public, I bet the opposite will happen. Criminals in Gotham are a lot of things, but dumb is unfortunately not one of them. They WILL come after you if you leave her to fend for herself. If you break up.” 

“You don’t know that.” 

“I do know that. Come on Bruce. I was born here. You too. And her too. Hell, I saw her give a nasty right hook to more than one person, in the short time I’ve known her ! One of those being Mayor Hady himself, and that was BEFORE she started to date you, how fearless is she, huh ?” 

“That’s the problem.”

“Her fearlessness ? Sounds to me like it to be taken advantage of. Train her. Teach her to fight, to defend herself. Give her the keys, to survive. Just like you gave yourself the keys to go on your “justice” mission.” 

“I...I can’t.”

“Why ?” 

“Because she...She shouldn’t live this kind of life.” 

“A little late, no ? She knows who you really are already. And she stayed. Even then, shouldn’t this be her own choice ? Shouldn’t she decide on what she deserves ?” 

“Selina-” 

“Nu-hu. Don’t start with this. You tried to do the same with me, and I didn’t have the patience to stay. But I know she does. I know you can try to push her through the front door, she’ll climb through the window. She, unlike me or anyone else, will see right through your bullshit. Does, see right through your bullshit. And is willing to put up with it...You’ll never find someone else who does.” 

“I know...”

“Then, what are you doing ?”

And with that, Selina rolled her eyes, grumbled something about him being a stubborn idiot, said : “think of her feelings for once, and not your own. Because you damn well know Bruce, that if you leave her, it will be out of selfishness, not because you think it’s truly the only way.”, and jumped from the building to the one next door, leaving Bruce with too many thoughts and dilemmas...

Even if in the end, the answer became obvious to him.   

************

“As if I would ever let that happen anyway.” 

“I’m sorry ?” 

Years later, Bruce told you the story of how he almost broke up with you not long after you two moved in together, shortly before you adopted Dick. 

“She was right you know ? I would’ve climbed through the window. See. If I knew for sure you were leaving me because you didn’t love me, then I would leave you alone of course. But I would’ve definitely called your bluff.” 

“How can you be so sure ?” 

He smiles fondly at you, bringing you into a warm embrace as you roll your eyes at him. Ah but of course, even him always knew you could see right through him, even when he tried to hide his emotions. 

“Please, Bruce. You can’t fool me. You were never able to, and I don’t think you’ll ever learn to. Or I’ll just learn your new tricks, and crack you anyway. And believe me, if you had tried to leave me at that time...I wouldn’t’ve let that happen.” 

He lays his forehead on yours, unable to say another word. Tonight, he was able to tell you this story that was now “silly”, but that almost tore his heart away from him. 

Because if he had lose you to his own stupidness, he would’ve become just an empty shell. Back to those dark days of loneliness, and acting like a machine while his entire soul was hurting. 

Sure. Now this story sounded silly. But oh, oh if he had gone through with it. If-

“I’ll have to thank Selina though. Because she avoided me going through the trouble of drilling into your thick skull that it’s ok to be happy. And be afraid for those you love. Especially in your situation...” 

“I know.” 

He holds you tighter. Just as every time he realizes how lucky he is to have another shot at this “family” thing. How lucky he is, that you’re here, with him. 

And Selina was truly to thanks for that, in a way. 

Because, you were almost sure you could’ve change his mind and not break up with you. But there was this slight possibility, this slight one you’d fail...

Maybe you would’n’t’ve been able to convince him to stay with you. Maybe. There was still a chance, right ? So you’re thankful. Your thankful for having such a good friend. For having Selina in your life. 

You’re thankful that one day, a stupid mistake you made truly started this dear friendship. 

The day she became a friend. 

You had always been quite a “lone wolf” sort of person. So you didn’t have a lot of friends. Your childhood best friend, Alex, had moved across the country years ago. And making new friends as the wife of Bruce Wayne was hard. 

This was a time BEFORE you met the others from the League. BEFORE any of them knew the Batman had a family. 

Of course, before introducing you to them, he had to make sure things were safe. That they could be trusted (A/N : if you wanna see the day he does trust them, here’s the story I wrote about it haha : “You have kids ?? And…A WIFE ?”). 

So, you didn’t have many friends. And sometimes...You wished you did. 

Someone that wasn’t your Broosh. Or your kid. Or Alfred. 

You told everything to Bruce, but sometimes...Well sometimes certain issues, you couldn’t talk to him about. Like for example the time he annoyed the hell out of you. Sure you’d tell it to his face, and you guys would fight, then work it out, and finally  make up, and you didn’t want to bring back the issues you know ? You wouldn’t vent to him about him, eh ?

Bruce was definitely your best friend. But he was also the man you loved. And sometimes, it was nice to have an “outside” perspective. 

Someone with whom you could gossip a little (although you did gossip plenty with your husband, when at charity balls and galas). 

And then, slowly, you realized what you actually were feeling...

Selina. 

You were missing her. 

It had been a little while since the last time you saw her. 

Ever since she saved your life, and knocked some sense in your Broosh, whenever you saw her, you’d have such a interesting and compelling conversations. 

It was oh so pleasant, to gang up on Bruce and make fun of him. His pride was always hit, and he’d frown in such a delightful way. 

At the same time, she knew him rather well, and you knew him rather well, and you three had a lot in common and it sometimes felt like you were a trio from a very cliched “chosen one” story. 

Hermione, Ron, Harry. 

Percy, Annabeth, Grover. 

Any trio really. It even inspired some of your stories. Yet...Yet you wouldn’t call her quite a “friend”. Why that ? 

You weren’t sure. It just was never made official, and in your anxiety riddled mind it meant that you weren’t friends, then. 

Yet you missed her. And earlier in the day, you saw something that made you want to call her and talk to her about it ! 

Should you call her ? Send a text ? You had her number. She once wrote it on a napkin and slipped it in your pocket right in front of Bruce, just to mess with him. You kept it, and put it in your phone, not really knowing why. 

Taking your phone, you started to draft a text (it had to be drafted before being send, it you were even going to send it...your anxiety made it so that even with texts, you had to make sure you didn’t sound stupid or such). 

You didn’t really have any intention to send it. You were just toying with a few ideas when...

No. Oh no. 

Oh fuck. No. No no no no no no. 

Instead of hitting the “back” key to erase the text for good and move on from this weird move, you pressed “send”. Shit. Fuck. Motherfucker. 

It was such a dumb text as well. 

“Hey girlfriend, wanna hang out ?” 

You were just trying out different ways of writing a text, and were entering “stupid silly mode”, which was the step right before you usually gave up and didn’t send something (you had MANY of those moments when starting to date Bruce...Moments during which you almost send some really sappy and silly texts, making the mistakes a few time to indeed press “send”...mortifying...why, why were you never learning from your mistakes ?!). 

You were in your office, in the Wayne Inc building (you settled your writing office there, so it was more convenient to see your Bruce, but also to handle taking care of your son, Dick), downright panicking about this stupid text, when you heard a knock on your door. 

How long had you been beating yourself down about this ? AN HOUR ?! Damn. Anxiety never let you keep track of time. You-

“Hey...girlfriend.”

Bollocks. 

It was her. Selina. And you could hear her smug smile in her voice. You were facing your windows, not wanting to turn around, and it was getting a little awkward. Selina broke the silence : 

“Listen, I thought you did want to hang out and was just making an inside joke by being overly girly, you know, imitating those models Bruce used to date ? But I realize maybe this was um, a mistake ?” 

She sounds so unsure. You never heard her sound unsure before ! So you turn around, and here she is, a little shy. 

Catwoman. A little shy ? 

And all of a sudden, you realize she must’ve felt the same about you. Consider you a friend, but since you never talked about it never took it for granted, for something sure, settled in stone ? 

And your text maybe confirmed you were, indeed, friends ? 

And here it was. 

From that day, and on. 

The official beginning of your friendship. 

Of course, you both saw the other as a friend since a while before, but it’s with this embarrassing text that it really changed everything. 

Made it “official”. 

Made it clear to the both of you. 

It never occurred to you that Selina too, could sometimes have insecurities and be anxious. But that day, as she shyly responded to your call, hopeful it meant you were really friends...

Being her, it was also hard to make friend. 

She had been friend with Bruce for a long time. The fact she was yours now too, filled her with joy. Because she really liked the both of you, in the most platonic way that ever existed. 

Yes. Her and Bruce worked better as friends anyway. 

Ah. But wasn’t this how the best friendship started ? With a push from fate, a little awkwardness, and a lot of laughter once the initial shock passed ? 

Girls night out. 

It happened a day during which you, Dinah and Lois were...not in a great mood. 

Your husbands were aggravating, your children got into troubles and shenanigans, you had so much to do...it was a lot of stress, and it was all released at the same time. 

You all left your house yelling that you “needed air”, and left behind rather stunned husbands and children. Ah but yes, everything wasn’t always perfect, even amongst loving families.

And your first reflex ? To call each others. 

That’s it. That’s how girls night out started. The realization sometimes you needed to wind down with some friends. But quickly, you realized that the three of you talked mainly about your kids and husbands, and by extension, the “superhero work”. Which was fine, you needed to vent but...It wasn’t helping you relieve some tension. 

And that’s when you got an idea. 

Who better than Selina Kyle to make you NOT talk about your families ? 

You joined in a bar every first Wednesday of the month, starting at happy hours for you, Dinah and Lois. Ranting about your families, and about annoying habits your husbands had etc etc...And then you were joined a bit later in the evening by Selina and Diana. 

And that’s when the fun really began. 

It became a ritual. 

Girls night out (A/N : maybe I should write a story about that one day haha). 

This was one such night, and you had let lose a little bit more than usual because...for the first night in nine months, you could drink a little bit of alcohol. 

Alcohol had never been your thing, but a sweet cocktail there and there was nice. Now, while being pregnant with your youngest, Thomas, obviously you weren’t going to do that. 

And you had missed a few “girls night out” because you were too damn pregnant. 

But now, he was OUT, and you were TOO. 

Well. Diana said something like that, as she kept giving you more and more cocktails. 

Long story short, you were a little tipsy. And definitely not able to drive. And so here was your savior, Selina. 

She didn’t really drink, knowing you would totally let loose. So she drove you home. 

You were coming back a little later than usual, and you had forgotten to send a little text to Bruce to tell him so so he wouldn’t worry (Selina did it for you though, true friend had your back eh ? And she definitely didn’t want the Batman to come barge in on your girls night fun). 

He opened the door as you walked up the stairs, saying bye to Selina. She had that smirk on her face, the one you knew she always had when about to tease your beloved husband. And as he slipped an arm around your waist, and turned to wave goodbye to her...She did just that : 

“Careful Bat, I’m making good progress with her. If you’re not wary enough, I’ll steal her from you.” 

On that note, Selina winks at the both of you, puts on her sunglasses (while it was night...Oh Selina), and drives away, smiling widely of that very Catwomanesque smug smile. Which makes you chuckle. She always made you laugh rather easily. 

You turn to your bruce and...

Oh. That adorable “jealous frown” got you every time. Your smile shifts from amused to utterly affectionate, and you put your hands on his cheeks. 

He was looking at Selina’s car fading into the distance, the arm he had around you tightening slightly (you were pretty sure he wasn’t even consciously doing it). Your hands on his cheeks didn’t seem to register in his mind. 

So a further distraction was needed. You brush your lips against his cheek, as an attempt to drive his attention back to you and...it works. 

You smile at him, and in your little hazy state you whisper in his ear : 

“I love you, my Broosh.” 

He can’t help but feel a surge of warm feelings towards you, and bring you in a tight hug. Partly because he can’t help it, partly because he’s trying to hide the slight blush growing on his face whenever you surprise him with “I love yous”, and that always made him snicker at him...Only you could fluster him so. 

“I love you too.” 

You tripped on air, as, once again, you were a little tipsy, and he catches you...Good, he needed an excuse to carry you bridal style anyway. 

He always liked doing so, any excuse to have you near really. And as your face approach for a loving kiss you-

************

“Wait wait wait mooooom !! You don’t have to leave this gross part in !” 

“What gross part ?” 

“The sappy declaration of love, and the kiiiisses !!” 

“Oh ? But don’t every story have to end with a kiss ? And a happy ever after ?” 

“Nu-huh ! Also HEY ! None of your stories end like this, I know, I read them all !”

You chuckle slowly at your boy’s reaction, and kiss him on the forehead. Quite touched he read all your stories. 

“Time for bed, little buddy.” 

You say, slipping out of his quilt and tucking him in. You can see he pensively thinks about your little friendship story, and finally he says : 

“I’ll try to be nicer to Miss Kyle. I never trusted her, because of her past with father. But maybe she deserves a chance ?” 

“She does.” 

“If you say so, then I believe it.” 

It touches you, how much blind faith your son puts in you. You smile, giving him another kiss to his forehead, as he says : 

“Thank you for telling me the story, mom. It was nice.” 

Behind this “it was nice”, there isn’t just the story itself, but the knowledge that as you grow up...Your feelings change. 

You change. 

And you go through a lot of heartaches, before finally finding the right persons to surround yourself with. 

Beyond the story itself, Damian related to how it took both you and Bruce a lot of trials and errors, before finding each others. How you loved before you met the other, but it never compared to how you love each others. 

How you found good friends along the way, and how even when things sounded desperate and lonely...you made it through. 

So he could certainly do so, too ? Even more so since now, he was a big brother. 

Thomas was barely a few weeks old, but Damian had already taken his role very seriously. And you knew he was going to continue to grow, to love, to hurt too sometimes...and to evolve. 

Just like you and Bruce did. 

So. No. You didn’t hate Selina Kyle just because she and your husband used to be a thing. In fact...

In fact, Selina had become both of your best friend. Unfortunately for Bruce, she often took your side on everything, and LOVED to drive him crazy by openly flirting with you. 

And she had been by your side through many good moments, and bad ones. The first to respond when your family needed it. The one you’d always be there for, and vice versa. 

A best friend. 

Quite an important find. 

When you met Bruce, not only did you meet the love of your life, but also one of your best and most precious friend. 

Conclusion : is it possible to be friend with your husband’s ex ? Absolutely. 

Especially when that “ex” was someone as extraordinary as Selina Kyle, and when the love that linked you and your husband was so impossible to even graze. 

__________________________________________________

And yet another bonus story that I had no intention to write but suddenly felt the need to haha. Don’t worry, the rest of the stories I announced are still coming ;). I guess there’s nothing bad in having little bonus ones in between hehe. I hope you liked this, again it’s just a little drabble.

As usual comments and reblogs are always greatly appreciated and motivating <3.

PS : I wrote this, like all drabbles, in like thirty minutes. Didn’t re-read. Sorry for any typos. Don’t hesitate to point any huge ones to me, Ill change it x_x. 

[dragonheart-swtor]

Imperial Agent Storyline: Drunk History Version

Since people really seemed to like the last one! Y’all’s collective wish is my command. Spoilers for the Imperial Agent storyline, obviously. Enjoy!

- so you start out with your agent on Hutta, a little polluted slimeball of a world that literally everyone but the Hutts canonically hates. there's lore but we're going to ignore it. the important thing is that you're here to con a Hutt, always a dangerous gambit, into working with/for the Empire.

- you sneak into a corner to space facetime your boss, a guy we only ever know as Keeper because Intelligence is weird about names. sneaking into corners to facetime people is a repeating theme throughout the story.

- you are informed that you've already got a cover story set up, and you'll be posing as an infamous pirate called the Red Blade who'll be able to get in close to the Hutt in question, whose name I've forgotten. Nethro or Nefro or something.

- "wait, what about the actual Red Blade," you ask your boss, probably

- "he's halfway across the galaxy, you don't need to worry about him," your boss replies, in a textbook example of what we in the writing business call “foreshadowing”

- (spoiler alert: you need to worry about him)

- but we won't worry about that for now. bada bing bada boom, you stroll on into the Hutt's place. you are immediately confronted by a guy who, shock and horror, actually knows the real Red Blade and knows you ain't him. (one would think that all-seeing Intelligence would have known about him, but nuance.) this is a problem for a number of obvious reasons.

- your options are as follows: bribe him, kill him, or sleep with him. (this is also something of a recurring theme throughout the story.) whatever option you take, he's dealt with. (yes, this is the man eris fucked five minutes into her storyline.)

- (I didn’t want to pay him money, leave me alone.)

- anyway, the mission progresses smoothly. meet the Hutt, do some jobs for the Hutt, betray the Hutt's right hand and stab him in the back right after convincing him you were friends, invade the Hutt's rival's palace, McMurder the Hutt's rival, you know. your average day at the office

- most of the way through, the Hutt's other right hand starts to be suspicious about you. this is Kaliyo Djannis, and she will be Plot Relevant™.

- by which I mean she shortly thereafter walks in on you facetiming your boss and gets hired by Intelligence to help out for gods know what reason. welcome to your first companion

- (or possibly you walk in on her facetiming your boss in your room, I.. don't remember, honestly. something like that.)

- anyway one Hutt is dead the other is working with us bada bing bada boom this is going great and hey remember when I said you needed to worry about that guy you're impersonating this whole time? yeah, about that,

- so the real actual Red Blade comes sailing in to Hutta and Intelligence immediately calls you up like "hey, hate to bother you, but your cover's about to get blown in a big way and we need you to murder the guy whose identity you've stolen before he can expose you.” 

- "so, just like that training mission last week. gotcha, boss, no problem."

- murder time™

- congration you done it! go home to Dromund Kaas.

- "You're on Imperial soil now, agent. Welcome home." [nonhuman Agent immediately experiences 27492738957 microaggressions] (this joke isn’t mine, for the record)

- first off, Intelligence HQ has a bomb aesthetic, as does the entire Empire in general

- second off, you do walk in on your boss talking to - by which I mean "being given a speech by" - a Dark Lord, which is less than optimal for a number of reasons, first and foremost that speeches by Dark Lords of the Sith quite often immediately precede someone getting killed

- said Dark Lord is one Darth Jadus, who will proceed to be a thorn in your side for approximately the next three hours of gameplay

- (don't worry, after that three hours you'll get a worse thorn)

- Darth Jadus decides he likes you and declares you "his" agent, which you immediately get the gist is about the worst thing that can happen to an Intelligence agent from the way everyone around you treats you like you've just had a ticking bomb strapped to your back for the rest of this meeting

- you're sent on a handful of missions, including one to the Dark Temple which, you know, Force-deaf people aren't supposed to be in, but Jadus Does Not Care

- Jadus calls you into his office at one point and tells you he's going to do some ritual to bind you to his service or something, it's not really clear, but it's clearly Not Optional and also terrifying in concept

- now, quick sidebar. there are basically two paths to take here: one where you suck up to the Sith and treat them with the utmost care and respect and fear like you're kind of supposed to, and one where you mouth off at every opportunity. Eris is mortally terrified of Sith, so she just kind of.. submitted knowing she was going to die if she didn't.

- my second run, however, was just a "hey how bad can I fuck this up" character because I already knew the story.

- I decided to mouth off to Jadus at every opportunity, including adamantly refusing this ritual.

- "What can he do to me?" I asked the person I was playing with. "I'm the protagonist! It's not like he can kill me!"

- Jadus: *kills me*

- me:

- (mechanically, anyway; story-wise I'm sure he just. put her on the brink of death. but mechanically speaking he literally actually did kill my toon)

- (this should be a warning for exactly how much this storyline is willing to put its usually-heavily-plot-armored protagonist through.)

- anyway.

-  do some missions, blah blah blah, Sith possession in the Dark Temple, blah blah blah, you know the drill

-  well, turns out Jadus is going on tour with several hundred Imperial civilians, military, and Sith, allegedly all hand chosen, to share his ~vision for the Empire~. that's all well and good, whatever I gue-

- sorry what do you mean his ship exploded

- what do you mean a member of the Dark Council just blew up in orbit

- cue Kill Bill sirens

- Panic! At The Intelligence HQ

- this throws everything into chaos; not only was Jadus more directly involved in Intelligence, but he was a Dark Councilor so now there's a massive power vacuum

- the Sith who ends up filling this power vacuum? Jadus's daughter, Darth Zhorrid.

- remember when I said you'd have a bigger thorn in your side after Jadus?

- so yeah. so Zhorrid is, for lack of a better word, fucking terrifying

- she's sadistic and completely careless of others' lives or wellbeing and oh yeah she also instantly latches onto you even harder than her father did and demands you find his killer

- a lot of your meetings with her aren't really plot-relevant so I'll sum them all up here:

- Zhorrid was horribly abused by Jadus, completely broken. She tells you a story about how she used to sing, and her father hired a tutor, then had her sing at a Kaas City performance until her throat was so damaged she could never sing again. He tore every scrap of joy out of her life, completely failed to teach her what she needed to know to survive the rigors of the Dark Council, and instilled every ounce of hatred, sadism, and complete lack of pity he could in her.

- She kills people for no reason other than a whim, because she was listening to a Sith opera and the aria was "very moving" (an actual literal thing that happens).

- She acts like a complete spoiled brat child. At one point the other Dark Councilors literally beat and torture her, presumably for this reason because she's insufferable and arrogant and way out of her depth, and she cries to you about it

- If you’re like me, your response to all this is basically “cool motive, still murder”

- I have sidetracked  very hard. where was I

- so you spend a while trying to hunt down the people who blew up Jadus's ship. There's a bunch of rebels, you hunt them down, they've got biotech weapons called Eradicators set up to destroy cities on multiple planets, skippity skip to the big reveal

- Jadus is alive, and he organized the whole thing so he'd be able to remake the Empire into the image he wanted. He tortured and enslaved the survivors of the Dominator's destruction

- Jadus gives you a whole speech about how fear is a gift to be shared and "Through victory my chains are broken" but there must be chains to break and blah blah blah holy shit this man is genocidal

- you have three choices: join him for real, pretend to join him so you can sabotage his ship and then kill him (at the cost of hundreds of thousands of Imperial lives), or refuse outright and save those hundreds of thousands of lives but Jadus escapes (and you know he's allegedly likely to return and do even worse damage later).

- (Quick sidebar again, for those who haven’t played it: Eris chose the second option and has nightmares about it for the rest of her life. It's actually extremely haunting in-game - as you're running through Jadus's ship to sabotage it as fast as possible, you can hear the distress calls from various colonies and planets being attacked, the screams of the dying that you doomed. It's horrifying.)

- so yeah there’s really no winning that situation but hey! at least Chapter One’s over. surely in Chapter Two things can’t get worse.

- Chapter Two: Things Get Worse

- there's this guy, Ardun Kothe, an SIS agent. he's a huge threat for some reason I don't remember. you're supposed to infiltrate the SIS to get close to and eventually kill him. not an easy job, but okay, we can do this.

- Intelligence sets up the meeting; months ago they sent the first word to Kothe that there was an Intelligence agent ready to turn and they've been building up from there, sending him a steady stream of information

- enter Hunter, aka the worst bastard in this entire storyline and that is an achievement. He's the one you meet first on Nar Shaddaa.

- you do some missions for the SIS, whatever, it's not important. You finally get to meet the rest of the team - and Ardun Kothe.

- Kothe wants to speak alone, which is p typical tbh. He expresses some doubts, which you assuage as best you can; he gives you your code name: Legate. It's from a form of sabbac, he explains, you'll have to play with him sometime.

- (It is difficult for me to make what happens next funny instead of horrifying, so forgive me if the tone changes a bit here.)

- Everything is going fine.

- "I'm sorry about this, Legate."

- What?

- "Keyword: onomatophobia. Engage Thesh protocols, phase one."

- Everything is not fine.

- You black out and have an extremely rude awakening.

- So it turns out whatever happened with Jadus, the Dark Council decided you were too dangerous (usually for doing your job too fuckin well) and that you needed to be leashed. So not you have mind control programming in your brain, and anyone who has your keyword can take complete and unequivocal control of your body. this is, in a word, not great.

- (This is, as I mentioned, actually extremely horrifying. You have dialogue options and they don’t change what you actually say. You have an opportunity to shoot Kothe and even if you try to select it nothing happens. But we’re not here for the horror take (not today, anyway) so let’s just This Is Fine that and move on)

- Tl;dr you can’t harm Kothe or any members of his team, you’re forced to obey anyone who has your keyword, and this wouldn’t be that much of a problem because we’ll just tell Watcher Two what’s happened and oh wait you can’t tell anyone about your programming either. well, shit.

- You go on to work double agent, like it was planned, with this new, uh. twist

- about a third of the way through the chapter, your mind kind of cracks and you start having hallucinations - seeing things you know can't be real during a holocall, passing out in the middle of your ship and waking up in medbay.

- After that, a new voice lives in your head! Watcher X, someone you either killed or let flee on Nar Shaddaa, has sort of joined the party. Is he an AI in the spinal implant the real Watcher X gave you? is he a figment of your broken mind trying to process its situation? Who knows! Not you! either way, this is not optimal but at least he seems to be being helpful this time

- so anyway we should probably try and figure out how to undo this programming bc Intelligence is being Wholly Unhelpful

- (ASAP, please, especially with how horrible Hunter acts toward you - let’s go with “uncomfortably leery,” which I promise is generous.)

- by the way, your companions still have no idea what’s going on during all this, although they try to be varying levels of supportive (thank you vector I love you bug husband)

- Good news! The Intelligence Archive almost definitely has information on what they did to you and how to fix it. Bad news! You’re definitely not authorized to look that up and crashing the power mainframe to make sure they don’t see you do it sends the security droids after you. whoops.

- Good news! There’s a way to fix you. Bad news! You have to make and inject yourself with a still-kinda-experimental cocktail of chemicals and it may or may not give you permanent brain damage. it’s fine. this is fine.

- also it takes a while to kick in which is Less Than Optimal and by the time it finally does you’ve just been left with a binding order to stay and guard the door on what is, for you, a suicide mission. there’s some incentive to “break your chains” for ya.

- You fight and kill Kothe. Who, shock and awe! is an ex-Jedi! this was in no way painfully obvious by how he kept talking about “sensing” things, I’m sure. definitely not.

- Hunter escapes, because of fuckin course he does. Hunter, who suddenly seems far more in control of everything than he had before. Hunter, who knows far more than he should. Hunter, who ends up leading you to a much, much larger conspiracy.

- End Chapter 2.

- Hate to disappoint, but Chapter 3 is honestly the least interesting to me personally, so this’ll be brief compared to the previous chapters

- You spend a lot of time hunting down this much larger conspiracy, including Hunter specifically. There's a lot of betrayal and secret reveals. (It's not tedious by any stretch of the imagination, but the story beats definitely don't stick in my head as well as the first two chapters, even after two playthroughs.)

- you go to Voss and, in order to get into a Voss-only archive, get married to a person you just met before almost immediately leaving the planet (and your new spouse) behind. this is never mentioned again.

- you get hold of a holorecording from the Star Cabal, the big conspiracy. problem: the holorecording contains a trap for the brain-enhanced Watchers, and now half of Intelligence is in a vegetative state. this is not optimal.

- partially as a result of this, Intelligence basically gets dissolved, which is Not Great because it puts you right under the thumb of yet another asshole Sith lord

- the Watchers are recovering, though, so that’s something. Watcher Two, now Keeper (the old Keeper got promoted), contacts you so you can keep working on this Star Cabal thing.

- you get intentionally captured so the Star Cabal can torture you and you can “break” and give them false information to lead them into a trap. you are immediately afterward expected to get back to work like nothing happened. this is never mentioned again.

- You track the Star Cabal to their base, way out in the Unknown Regions iirc, and infiltrate it during a meeting of the top agents.

- murder time 2: electric boogaloo (well, more like murder time 45, to be honest, but shh it’s fine)

- You fight the Star Cabal guys, chase Hunter through the whole place, and finally corner him.

- (Salt warning ahead on my part for the next story beat, if you can call it that.)

- Hunter, when beaten, reveals what I personally think is the most bullshit stupid reveal in the entire game: he is actually a she, and has been using a stealth field generator (or something similar) to change his/her appearance the entire time. There are multiple interpretations of this - "he's trans" is my least favorite, sorry-not-sorry, because a) it's pretty clear she still considers herself a woman and Hunter is just a convenient persona, and also b) a clearly predatory man is absolutely horrid representation as far as playing into harmful stereotypes about trans people, thanks. Personally, my rather cynical interpretation is that they wanted one more shock value reveal at the end of the storyline and I guess couldn't come up with anything better. It's my least favorite thing in the whole IA storyline.

- anyway, that's not really important. I just needed to be mad about it for a minute. ignore me. moving on

- The important part is this: what you gain from the Star Cabal's base is an item called the Black Codex, an ancient piece of technology with the power to erase all records of a person's existence.

- Unless you are very stubborn about it the Agent’s reaction to this is basically “oh thank fuck I’m freeeeeeeeee” and you fly off into the hyperspace sunset with your crew, giving middle fingers to the Sith whose grip you’re escaping all the way. which, really, who can blame you.

And that’s the Imperial Agent storyline, folks. Roll credits. I’ll probably do the Bounty Hunter storyline next while it’s still fresh in my mind, but I could also do the Sith Warrior storyline probably if y’all’re more interested, vote now on your phones.

[nikkoliferous]

Phase One: Thor

Since I was looking up my past live-blog of the novel and realising how annoying and repetitive reading through it all is because of my having structured it as a bunch of reblogs, I’ve decided to organize it all into one long-ass post instead. In case anyone else wants to read it in the future. Or in case I decide to re-read it. Because I’m hilarious. 😅

SO WITHOUT FURTHER ADO

My Hilarious Yet Wrathful Overview Of Phase One: Thor, Redux

—

If your son who’s to become king requires a babysitter to not screw it all up and also the idea of him being king is stressful enough to put you into a coma, maybe, uh… reconsider doing that? Just a thought.

But you see here why Odin was so deadset on Thor becoming king, despite him being ill-suited for the role. It’s not about what’s best for Asgard; it’s about personal legacy. Thor is Odin’s mini me, and Loki is very much not. There are places within the text where Odin laments Thor “lacking his father’s wisdom” (he’s definitely inherited your humility, though, Odin!), but he hopes for Thor to grow into a “wise king” like himself. Whereas he holds no such illusions (lol, pun) that Loki will ever take after him.

now with tag commentary! #this scene is in the script and both novelizations #(though in reading this novel seems to just be a more complete version of the junior novel? #idk i'm confused because they're supposedly written by different authors but so far the text is identical) #and it drives me insane each time i read it

“Haha, I’m a warmongering piece of shit, isn’t it funny?”

I know, I know. I try to cut Asgard some slack for being such a militaristic culture because social changes happen slowly and when you live for thousands of years per generation, it makes sense that your views on things like war would be regressive. The text says Odin has ruled Asgard for tens of thousands of years (so much for taking Loki’s “give or take 5,000 years” line literally; sure, the Odinsleep would have extended Odin’s lifespan, but by that much? Idk).

Still, fuck Odin. Especially since he’ll eventually try to shame Loki for doing the same thing he’s fucking boasting about here. And on a much smaller scale too.

…is it, though?

I actually think Loki’s relationship with being the centre of attention is really interesting in its complexity and we don’t discuss it enough. I’ve said this before, but he strikes me as the sort of person who craves attention but also wouldn’t really know what to do with it if he had it. He craves it as a result of neglect, because he’s never been shown recognition or validation. This is why he seems to revel in it in Stuttgart, even in (or maybe especially in?) his brainwashed state. But he also frequently comes across as pretty introverted and has horrible self-esteem, so I think on another level, sustained, genuine attention would make him feel kind of uncomfortable. Loki seems to believe that in order to be loved or respected, he has to literally be Thor, though. And Thor has always been the centre of attention, so for Loki, attention is synonymous with respect.

I find Loki’s relationship with wanting attention especially fascinating because I too both crave and fear it. As a borderline, I need it. When no one is paying attention to me, I lose my sense of identity. I feel as though I literally cease to exist. It’s excruciatingly painful. And yet, I have no authentic sense of self; I’m just a chameleon, and the closer people get to me, the more likely it is they’ll see behind my mask. They’ll realise it’s all a show and that I’m actually no one. And then they’ll leave. I can’t help wondering if that’s how Loki feels sometimes too.

Wait, what? You mean goat. His horns are shaped like a goat’s. This is a ram: 

This is a goat:

This is Loki:

Do you see now? They’re like a goat. Not a ram. Not a cow. A GOAT.

This book was written before Ragnarok was a thing, so it may be unfair to connect the two, but it still seems worth noting that it was Thor who reduced Loki to being no more than a trickster to begin with. “You could be more,” my ass. Loki’s problem has never been that he was one-dimensional; it was always that the people in his life, including Thor, refused to see any other dimensions to him. Which makes those words particularly cruel—as if they aren’t cruel enough already, what with the physical torture and all. 

Always happy to have cause to point out that

Loki was on Thor clean-up duty their whole lives; he certainly was not trying to kill Thor.

People like to point to Loki’s attempted genocide of the Jötnar and attempted(-ish? lol) conquest of Earth as proof that he’s some kind of violent maniac. But in a little place I like to call reality, Loki was historically far less aggressive and bloodthirsty than his peers.

Question: why is one conqueror evil and the other is righteously entitled to ruling over the Nine Realms?

Asgardian exceptionalism FTW

I can’t even begin to imagine what would lead you to expect such a thing, Odin. 😂

Uh, ‘cause it is?? And also their planet is MELTING without it??

This is all only within the first two chapters, btw. Lmao

—

—

—

“Looking for answers,” my foot.

YOU WOULD THINK SO, WOULDN’T YOU??

#i mean unless you knew heimdall #he only commits treason on days that end in y

—

—

What’d I say? Thor clean-up dutyyyyy 

Just wanna remind everyone that this 

is why he’s smiling during this scene 

because it makes me laugh every time. 😂 

—

My heart breaks every time I remember that second excerpt because literally ALL OF IT happened to him when he survived falling through the wormhole. My poor boy. 😭

But also of note… Loki gets cold (and also does not like being cold). This interests me because 1) as many are aware, the prevalent headcanon that Loki has a low body temperature irritates me and 2) it possibly(?) lends weight to the theory that he may not be fully Jötun, whether by virtue of his birth or Odin’s spell.

Haha, look at this Feminist Icon™ trying to take credit for his female friend’s accomplishments! Truly inspiring. 

#for some reason the ragnarok lovers have somehow decided that thor is both a feminist and lesbian icon #whatever that means 🤷‍♀️ #and i'm still trying very hard to figure out why #is it literally just because he *says* he respects women or whatever in that dumb rambly conversation with valkyrie?

Ooh… you were so close to getting the point, Volstagg. So close. Take your tongue off Odin’s boot for just a couple minutes longer.

Also, the author just forgot the name of the Casket. How did this book get published? 😂

JUST LOOKING FOR ANSWERS, HUH?

Because fuck Loki, amirite? He, uh… he’s a prince too, you know.

Also… Fandral, you dweeb 😂

…am I reading too much into this, or did Odin just literally forget that Loki exists?

On the other hand, the author also seemed to forget Loki existed for most of this chapter, so who knows. 🤷‍♀️

lmao @ Jane immediately trying to convince herself she’s too rational to be attracted to a stranger 

Honestly, though, big mood. 

Just your periodic reminder that Thor’s sycophantic friends KNEW Loki was right and decided to throw him under the bus anyway. 

Just as I’ve always said: That was it. That was their ENTIRE rationale. That Loki *could* have done it, therefore he must have. Please tell me these people have nothing to do with Asgard’s justice system.

…lol, jk, Asgard has no justice system.

Ok, first of all, no.

Second: thank you, Fandral. You’re a self-absorbed cad, but also evidently Thor’s least stupid friend.

Thirdly, how…? First, it was, “Loki arranged all this because he’s jealous of Thor.” Now they’ve suddenly jumped all the way to, “All of Asgard is in danger.” What exactly does Sif think Loki is planning? He’s gonna, what… assassinate Odin and then sell Asgard to the Jötnar?

—

Please stop hurting me.

Just so there’s no confusion: this one sentence explains everything Loki did for the rest of the movie. It explains how a person who has been historically non-aggressive suddenly transforms into a warmonger. To prove himself a real Asgardian, like his brother and father and grandfather. 

—

…why did Odin fall into the Odinsleep in two completely different scenes in this book? I’m super confused.

Also, we really need to talk about how cruel it is of Marvel to keep forcing Loki to prove his loyalty again and again and again when he’s been doing so almost literally since we met him. And by “we need to talk about it”, I mean I need to tie Kevin Feige and co. to a chair and spend a minimum of five hours lecturing them on how poorly they understand their own fucking character.

Let’s just be clear here: they’re talking about Loki. They’re saying Loki, their LEGITIMATE king, is an enemy of Asgard, based on evidence so paper-thin it’s practically invisible. Just… please, let that sink in. Take a moment to appreciate how utterly fucked up that is. 

I’m sorry (not really), but Thor was so much funnier before Ragnarok.

This scene has always kind of bugged me. If Odin removed Thor’s powers, how come he can still control the weather? Confusing.

So what exactly was Thor’s plan anyway, before he realised he couldn’t lift Mjölnir? He was just gonna call on Heimdall to help him commit treason AGAIN, show up on Asgard against the expressed command of his king, and… Odin would just shrug and be like, “You got me, son! I guess I can’t keep you down. Welcome home!”?

…I mean, I guess that more or less is what happened in the end, but it’s hard to imagine it would have still gone down that way without all the stuff that happened with Loki. Idk.  

#look what i'm saying is... thor is not exactly a thinking person #no one on asgard is a thinking person #except loki but he's crazy now so he's also thinking somewhat poorly lol

Cool, Thor. Now imagine feeling that way for ONE THOUSAND YEARS and develop a little fucking empathy for your brother.

But you won’t.

You’ll brush off his feelings of worthlessness as “imagined slights”. 😒

Nice that somebody knows how the royal line of succession works, I guess… 

That sound you hear? Yeah, that’s just my heart breaking. NBD. 

First, they mislabelled it the Casket of Eternal Winters. Now it’s the Cask of Ancient Winters. Author must have been thirsty when they wrote this. Lol 

Look, not to nitpick, but this is not the recommended procedure when you see a storm that you don’t believe is of supernatural origin coming. I’m just saying. Lol 

Uh… ‘cause he is?? And your pals are committing treason AGAIN, Thor, so it technically is responding to a threat to Asgard. Just FYI.

Anyways, this is an important point that doesn’t get made often enough. People want to act like Loki illegally usurped the throne somehow, but even without the deleted scene that explicitly shows Frigga passing rulership to him (a scene which is, for some reason, entirely skipped over in this book, but whatever), understand this: Loki could not have controlled the Destroyer unless he was legitimately King of Asgard. The fact that he’s able to do so is irrefutable proof that his rulership is valid.

lmao you little shit

So… here’s my issue with this scene (and with Thor as a character): He always assumes that Loki’s acting out specifically to hurt him. That Loki’s entire life and thought process revolves around Thor. He does it in this scene, he does it in The Avengers… it’s just a chronic thing with Thor. Everything is viewed through the lens of Loki inexplicably hating him.

But that’s… just not accurate. Yes, Loki harbours a lot of jealousy towards Thor. But that’s not what’s happening in this scene. Loki is not trying to kill Thor here because he wants him dead; he’s doing it because Thor (and his friends) are getting in the way of Loki completing his ultimate goal. Loki tried to solve this problem non-violently, by lying about Odin being dead. It’s Thor’s friends who all but forced his hand by going behind his back and trying to bring Thor back to Asgard against Loki’s (and Odin’s!) direct orders.

For all the humility he’s learned in the past few days, this entire speech is still really all about Thor. About assuming that Loki’s doing this for personal reasons, because he holds a grudge against Thor for some unknown reason. This is implicit in his request to “take [my life] and end this.” It never even occurs to him that his friends are traitors to the Crown and Loki, as King of Asgard, is perhaps justified in pursuing them.

It also needs to be acknowledged that Thor’s apology here is hollow, even if it’s ultimately coming from his heart, because he has no idea what he’s apologising for. “Whatever I have done to wrong you” is not an apology. An apology addresses specific hurtful actions taken and commits to not repeating those mistakes in the future. Thor cannot commit to not repeating the hurtful things he’s done, because he doesn’t know what he’s done. Despite his best intentions, what Thor is doing here is actually kind of manipulative. He’s not addressing any substantive issue between the two of them; he’s just trying to talk Loki down. And it ultimately fails not because Loki doesn’t care or because he wants Thor dead, but because it doesn’t actually change anything.

Finally and only semi-relatedly, we should maybe at some point talk about the fact that Loki, who is stated to be a master tactician, has displayed a weird pattern of hardly ever being as lethal as he could be. He freezes Heimdall in place instead of killing him outright; he backhands Thor with the Destroyer instead of incinerating him; he, well… *gestures vaguely at almost the entirety of the first Avengers movie* Anytime the violence is even a little bit personal, he seems to hedge. Odd behaviour for somebody who’s supposedly super evil.

I’m sorry, I know I’ve pointed it out at least a hundred times before, but I just can’t encounter this scene in any form without taking a moment to appreciate how underrated and hilarious it is.

I also genuinely wonder how many Ragnarok stans who have accused me of having no sense of humour, have failed to laugh at moments like this one. Kinda feel like if you need to have the comedy spoonfed to you in the form of ass jokes, maybe you’re the one whose sense of humour is lacking. 🤷‍♀️

Let’s be super clear: this is not what happened. Loki did not betray Odin; he was betrayed by Odin. He did not open Asgard to its enemies; he attempted, misguidedly, to destroy Asgard’s enemies. And he most certainly did not commit suicide out of a sense of guilt.

I’m not saying Loki did nothing wrong, nor am I saying he feels no regret for the lives he has taken. What I’m saying is there’s no indication that he believes he betrayed Odin or Asgard in the process. Which makes perfect sense, because he didn’t. Everything he tried to do was for Odin and Asgard. It was misguided and horrible, yes, but it can hardly be classified as a betrayal.

The insurmountable burden on Loki is not that he did terrible things, but that no matter what he does or how hard he tries, Odin will never look at him with anything but contempt. Consider once more these passages from the very beginning of the book, at Thor’s coronation:

—

Consider that this book goes to great pains to point out that Odin favours Thor because Thor is a warrior like him. And yet even when Loki embraces that, even when he acts more war-like than ever before, Odin rejects him— just as he always has.

There is a reason why this moment is the last time Loki will ever call Odin his father. Because he realises once and for all that, no, nothing he tries will ever be good enough; no, Odin won’t ever look at him with pride. That is Loki’s burden. That is why he lets go.

The epilogue is really just two pages of making me want to vomit. 

There’s your party where Thor and a certain subset of the fandom insist that Loki was mourned. There’s barely an indication here that anyone even perceives his demise as a negative thing.

“[Sif] could see Frigga thought [Loki was dead] as well” also contradicts the tie-in comic for TDW, so I don’t know what the author is on about there. Unlike the majority of Marvel comics, the tie-in comics are canon to the MCU, so it’s a bizarre statement to make.

COULD YOU SMEAR THE DEAD* ABUSE VICTIM A LITTLE HARDER, PLEASE? Fucking hell.

No matter how many times I encounter this scene, in whatever format, I still fail to become desensitized to how disgusting it is. I realise there’s a good chance that whatever version of events Thor has been told was twisted at best; but how you can look at a man whose son has just committed suicide under any circumstances and say there will never be a better father than that guy, is utterly beyond my capacity to understand.

And Odin’s “you’ve already made me proud” line just feels like extra salt in the wound because, again, Loki let go because he realized Odin would never say those words to him. And yet they come so damn easily when it’s Thor.

Fuck this entire family so much. I think I hate them more than Loki does. Sometimes I wonder what he would think about that. How he would react to knowing that not only is he actually loved, but that he’s so loved that people are genuinely furious at the way he’s been mistreated. That there are people who regularly devolve into full-on rants because they just can’t contain how much anger they have towards the people who hurt him. I think he’d have a hard time wrapping his head around that concept, tbh.

Anyways, to end on a not-completely-depressing note, I’m still waiting for someone at Marvel to explain how Loki knew what Thor said in this scene after plummeting into a wormhole. ‘Cause he references this conversation as Fauxdin at the end of TDW. So like… ?? Did he steal Odin’s memories before he erased them? Because that would be… kind of neat, actually. And very clever. Not entirely ethical, of course, but it’s Odin, so fuck ethics.

WELP, THAT’S IT. Thanks for following along with my dumbassery, hope you enjoyed yourselves. Lol

[thiswasinevitableid]

5, sternclay, nsfw? 👀

Here you go

5: Incubus

“Buddy, I promise, you can come in and cuddle in like, ten minutes.” 

The whining at the bedroom door stops, replaced by a big, wet nose, just visible through the crack at the bottom of the door as it snuffles back and forth. It’s very cute, but Barclay is not about to let his dog deprive him of a much needed jerk-off session.

He’s ready for bed, so it’s just a matter of pulling down his pajama pants and getting to it. Closing his eyes, he pictures that cute customer who gets black coffee and a croissant every morning at the Lodge. It takes a few tries to find a fantasy he likes, the one about the back counter and the new uses for a spatula.

Outside the door, Sass starts whining again, scratching frantically at the wood. There goes his deposit. 

God, he can practically feel the guy up against him.

The bed dips on the outside of each thigh. Opening his eyes reveals a man wearing nothing but deep blue boxer briefs and a smile. 

“Holyshitwhatthefuck?” He clambers back, banging his head on the wall in his hurry to sit up, “what the fuck man, how’d you get in here?”

“A portal between dimensions.  That’s the, um, simplified version. But don’t worry, I’m not here to hurt you. The opposite really. I’m an incubus.”

“Why the fuck is a fucking sex demon in my bedroom?” Barclay yanks his pants up. The incubus looks sad at this development. 

“I feed on sexual energy, and to do that I follow trails of that same energy to their source. You have a lot of it.”

“Yeah, year-long dry spell’ll do that.”

“Consider it broken.” The demon leans forward only for Barclay to hold up a hand.

“Nope. This is not how I want to break it. Sorry.”

“Is it my appearance? I can look like anyone--or anything--you want.” His features morph, eyes going from brown to blue to green, hair from honey-blond to fire red, “if you’re shy, my powers let me see into your deepest fantasies and make them come true.”

“No that’s not the problem, I wanna fuck someone I have some kinda connection to, not some guy who dropped into my bedroom. And would you please knock it off with that face-changing? I’m not gonna fuck you, so you can just look like yourself.”

The incubus starts, surprised by his sharp refusal, features landing on short, black hair, blue eyes, and a face that’d make a movie-star insecure. 

“I said you don’t have to try and be hot.”

“...This is how I look.” 

“Oh. Uh. Cool.” 

The demon smiles, “Having second thoughts?”

He takes a deep breath and lies through his teeth, “Nope.”

With that, he stands, grabbing the nearest shirt and pulling it on. Sass wiggles when he opens the door, takes one look behind him, and runs the other way.

“I wish I knew why earth canines react that way to me. I have a hellhound named Mother Leeds who adores me.”

“Jersey Devil reference?” He pads into the kitchen, starts the kettle and rummages in the cabinet for the most soothing tea blend he owns. 

“Yes!” The demon grins from his new position by the fridge, “when I found her she was pregnant with a litter. Most people don’t get it. Demons don’t either.”

“Friend of mine likes Mothman and all that kinda stuff. Uh” He takes a cup down, reaches for a second one automatically and then stops, “are you gonna hang around? Because my answer isn’t changing and if you keep pestering me I’ll just leave the apartment.”

“No, I’ll drop it. You’re not interested and sexual energy only works if it’s from something consensual. But, um” he toys with a magnet, “could I ask a few questions before I go?”

“About?”

“Humans. How things work up here, what your daily lives are like, that sort of thing.”

“Uh, sure.” He gets down the second mug, “is this so you can better seduce them or something?” Turning, he finds the incubus sitting at the table, producing a small notebook and pen from the air.

“No, this is my own research. I’m, um, more curious about humans than the average demon. I basically ended up an incubus because at my last job I kept trying to talk with humans or spend more time around them than was wise and, well, my supervisor got sick of it. So they offered me a reassignment to a role where the whole point was to be around people.”

“You fuck people just so you can, like, interview them afterwards?” He sets the two mugs on the table, notices that the notebook is crammed with questions in neat, elegant handwriting. 

“Technically, I also need the energy from it. But, um, yes” he blushes, “I know it’s a sort of silly hobby.”

“I don’t think it’s silly to wanna know about other worlds and people. But this doesn’t seem like the most, uh, effective way to do it.”

A sigh as the demon picks up his mug, “You’ve got that right. Sometimes I can get a few questions in during ‘pillow talk’ but mostly it’s in and out. Literally.” He snickers at his own bad joke, which further kindles the inexplicable, protective impulse Barclay feels towards him, “Don’t get me wrong, I like my work, and being a good incubus takes skill and dedication. It just...isn’t quite what I thought it’d be.” He sips the tea, brings the mug away from his mouth to study the liquid, “what kind is this?”

“Mostly chamomile.” 

“Chamomile…” he flips through the book, which contains more pages than should be physically and spatially possible, “that’s a plant, one that humans thing is calming, right?”

Barclay can’t help but smile, “Right. You want me to sit here and quiz you?”

“No, there’s too much to discover. What would you say is your area of expertise?” 

“I’m a cook, so food.”

“Food, food, ah here it is. Let’s see, why do humans persist in eating things that could kill them?”

“You mean things like rhubarb or are we in, like, Fugu territory here?”

The demon smiles, “I have no idea, please say more.”

They sit at the table until two in the morning, at which point Joseph ,the incubus, excuses himself to go collect energy from a willing participant. Before he disappears, he takes a chance and tells Joseph that he can come back if he has more questions. The demon thanks him and, out of what Barclay suspects is a habit more than anything else, blows him a kiss goodbye. 

----------------------------------------

“Y’know, I kinda figured you’d look more demonic. Do incubi just get human forms?” Barclay shakes red pepper flakes onto his pizza while Joseph finishes a filled breadstick. 

“This isn’t my ‘true’ form. When you asked me just to look like myself when we met, I figured you meant the least alarming version.”

“As long as it’s not, like, a beast with a thousand eyes, we’re good.”

Joseph wipes his mouth and by the time the napkin reaches the other corner of his lips, Barclay is gasping.

His nails turn sharp and silver, his eyes pure black, but it’s his skin that’s most noticeable; it’s swirls and swoops of blue and silver, dancing down his arms and blooming out from the neck of his  “Museum of Anthropology” souvenir shirt. He stands, giving Barclay a fuller view. Short horns sprout from his head, doubtless the perfect size and texture to hold him in place with your dick down his throat. His tail is that same mix of royal blue and silver, the right length to wrap around your hand and tug while you fuck him. Every inch of him is made to be pinched and pulled, groped and fondled, and Barclay will not be standing up from the table any time soon.

“It’s the color that gets people.” Joseph smiles with pointed teeth as he sits back down.

“It’s incredible, Joseph.”

The demon smiles, mischievous, “I’m glad you like it. Now, where were we?” He uncovers his notebook from a stack of parmesan packets and clicks his pen, appearance fading back to the human one Barclay is used to. He mourns his loss for a moment, before Joseph draws him into an animated conversation about movie theaters. 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Come on Sass, it’s okay. Look, I even have your favorite.” Joseph holds out the treat, still fresh from the oven, while Barclay puts the rest of the batch out of range. The dog no longer runs from the demon, but will not come within arms reach of him. 

Sass whines, looking from Joseph to Barclay and back. 

“Here” Barclay settles on the couch next to him, resting his arm along the back of it, “see, buddy, he’s our friend.”

Sass creeps forward, still on his belly, plucks the treat from Joseph’s palm, and retreats to his bed. 

“Progress.” Joseph leans back, pleased. Their positions mean he comes to rest with Barclays arm around him. Barclay doesn’t move it, and the demon stays put until the end of the episode of Hells’ Kitchen

------------------------------------------

The newest Agent X is so engrossing that Barclay doesn’t register Joseph until his friend slumps onto the bed. 

“Hey, you’re early.” He sets the book down on the nightstand, scooching to where the demon sits rubbing his forehead.

“I’m, um, I’m having a bit of a problem.” When he looks up, silver and blue peeks through the skin on his face, “I misjudged how much energy I was going to get from my last two visits. I’m so weak I don’t think I can make it back home. I, um, I came here because if I’m going to be stuck and without powers I” his horns appear and he scratches them awkwardly, “I want it to be around someone I trust.”

“What’ll happen if you can’t get more energy?”

“I’ll get sick, and if the worst happens I’ll have to signal for someone to come get me. Which’ll get me demoted for sure.” He tucks his legs up onto the bed. He’s wearing the UFO socks Barclay gave him as a surprise last week, and the cook sets a hand on a flying-saucer covered ankle. 

“You can stay as long as you need, okay? And if there’s anything else I can do to help, let me know.”

“Unless you feel like taking me door to door to ask your neighbors if they want to fuck, a safe place to rest is what I need most.”

“What if, uh, you recharged here?” He draws a finger up and down the side of Josephs’ calf.

The incubus raises his eyebrows, “Barclay, are you forgetting how we met?”

“I didn’t want to fuck you then, but now...now you’re you, this handsome, clever, dorky guy who also happens to be a sex demon who hangs around my house most nights. I, I didn’t ask about sooner because I was afraid you’d think it was fuck me or lose our friendship, but if I can help you in a kinda self-serving way, I’m down.”

Joseph shakes his head, “That’s sweet, but you’re not the only one with concerns. How can I be sure you actually want me, and you’re not just offering because you want to help?”

Barclay snaps his fingers, “You can read my deepest desires, right? How about you take a peek and tell me what you see?”

Joseph closes his eyes, tail twitching as he concentrates, and Barclay gets the distinct pleasure of watching his face as he learns the truth. 

“Oh. OH. Um, you’re not kidding about how badly you want me. And some of this makes the reaction you had the one time I showed up in a suit make way more sense. But we can explore that later.” His eyes, now-pitch black, snap open, “right now, big guy, I’ll do whatever you want, however you want it.” 

“In that case” Barclay catches Joseph just as he tries for a kiss, “how about you tell me what you want?”

“Barclay, I’m an incubus, I want whatever the person I’m feeding on wants.”

“Nuhuh, I don’t buy that, babe. You’re telling me there’s nothing that’s your favorite, or that you’re curious about?” He teases their lips together.

“N-no?”

“You’re not getting any kisses until you tell me the truth.”

Joseph narrows his eyes with a “hmmph.” Then, as if it’s his greatest secret, he whispers, “I want to know what it’s like to get a massage as foreplay. No one’s ever wanted it or offered, and it sounds so nice.”

Barclay rewards him with a kiss. The demon melts against him, slides a forked tongue into his mouth to tease it. Clawed fingers tug at his shirt until Joseph remembers he can do magic and renders them both naked with a wave of the hand.

When they part, Joseph licks his lips, “Holy hell, Barclay, that kiss was enough to make me feel better than I did this morning. Tastes nice too, like coffee with lots of cream.”

“So, coffee the way you like it.” Barclay nudges him backwards, rolls him over as the incubus keeps talking. 

“Usually it’s a neutral sweetness. I wonder, hmm, maybe it has something to do with the fact you’re attracted to me, as in the actual meOHohhhhhhh” he flattens into the bed like a cat on a sunny floor as Barclay digs his thumbs under his shoulder blades. 

“You can theorize later babe, I promise. Right now, all you gotta do is let me rub you down. Uh, can you magic up some oil or something? It’ll feel better if--great, thanks.” Barclay sets the lit massage candle safely on the nightstand, waiting for it to melt. 

“Should I put my human form back on now that I can hold it?”

“Nope” he traces his hands up parallel patches of silver, pinches one horn playfully, “I love that version of you, but this one is so, so, fucking hot. Now” be kisses the base of his neck, “relax.”

Drizzling liquid wax down his spine makes the incubus moan, but the sound is nothing compared to what happens when he starts kneading him like dough. It’s a yowl, rough and inelegant in a way Joseph never is, and Barclay dedicates the next fifteen minutes to finding new ways to trigger it. He’s so beautiful, it’s like touching a painting, a galaxy, a miracle.

By the time he reaches his lower back the incubus is grinding on the bed and Barclay is half-hard from touching him. He grips Joseph’s ass, parting it enough to grind between the cheeks. 

“Don’t tease” his tail delivers a scolding thwack to Barclays cheek. The cook growls, turning his head to capture the offending appendage between his teeth.

“OHholyffffffuckinghell.” Joseph rips the blanket as he flails, “no one’s ever thought to do that before and now I really wish they had.”

That’s all the encouragement he needs. He ignores his growing hard-on in favor of nipping and kissing his way down Joseph’s tail. It’s velvety, feels like nothing he’s ever experienced as it twitches and trembles under his tongue. The base gets an extra-hard lovebite and Joseph moans, rolling over so fast he nearly catches Barclay in the face with his cock. And what a cock, on the narrow side but covered in swirling ridges.

“Holy shit, you just get hotter and hotter.”

“Th-thank you, big guy, now for gods sake pleeEEEase fuck me.” He whimpers adorably when Barclay licks up his shaft. 

“Okay babe, we can fuck. But I think…” he grabs the incubus, flipping them so Joseph straddles him, “I want you to fuck me.”

Joseph registers his words and his eyes glow deep blue. 

“Uh, is that a good thing?”

“Yes, big guy, it’s the closest I get to having my pupils dilate when aroused. And since you look so good underneath me, I’ll expedite things” he snaps his fingers and Barclay inhales in surprise; his ass is dripping lube and stretched like someone just pulled three fingers away from it.

“Fuck yeah” he spreads his legs, “c’mon blue eyes, don’t make me wait anymoreOHFUCK, fuck, yeah, like that.” He hooks his legs around Joseph as the incubus thrusts all the way in. Joseph kisses in precise shapes up and down his face, even as his hips keep a rapid, erratic rhythm. 

“Shit, shit, Barclay you taste so good, feel so good, please, please don’t stop touching me.”

“Not sure I could ever keep my hands to myself again, babe, god you’re so fucking handsomeAH, hah, someone got a praise kink?” He gasps out laughter as Joseph fucks him harder with each kind word. The ridges on his cock are solid enough that Barclay feels them with each drag, and it sets his toes curling.

“Maybe a little one” the incubus smiles against his neck, “though kink is a distinctly human concept and a complex one-SHITfuck, fuck please do that again.” He kisses Barclay hard as the human obligingly pulls his tail with one hand and smacks his ass with the other. Teeth catch Barclay’s lower lip on the next tug, a moan spilling from Josephs’ mouth down his chin. 

“That’s it baby, fuck me while I rough you up, fuck, Joseph, your dick is fucking perfect, never gonna want another one, c’mon please, I’m close.”

Joseph sits up, grinning joyfully, and grips Barclays cock. It’s a masterful handjob, because how could a sex demon give anything else, but what strikes Barclay most is how happy and relaxed Joseph is. The incubus admitted once that even when he was having sex, he constantly worried about fulfilling the fantasy to earn enough energy to feed. Yet here he’s laughing and smiling, eyes aglow as he works Barclay up to the best orgasm of his life. 

It means something; Barclay only hopes Joseph will stay in his life long enough for him to figure out what. 

He’s too busy with the sparks behind his eyelids and the pleasure coursing down from his head to his toes to note that Joseph managed to make them cum at the same time. The incubus pushes a hand through his fair, swooping it back and off his face, as he notes this accomplishment. 

“I want to run a marathon. Or maybe go hiking, or swim the lake. I have so much energy. Barclay, it’s amazing. You, it’s never been like that before. It’s felt good, but that was fucking transcendent. 

“No fucking kidding.” Barclay shifts onto his side, nestling up against him so his head is under Joseph’s chin. He yawns, kisses a blue shoulder, “but you might have to burn off some energy without me. You wore me out, blue eyes.”

Joseph adjusts his arms so he’s holding him, “If I stay the night, can I walk Sass with you in the morning?”

Barclay nods, already falling asleep, safe in the knowledge that Joseph is okay and, better yet, so fond of him that his eyes are still glowing, “You got a deal, babe.”

[alastaircarstairsdefenselawyer]

achilles come down

A/N: this started out as “thomas come down” and then turned into an angsty self-indulgent mess. i’m so sorry. the title, of course, is from the song by gang of youths, which inspired this fic. the song is long but it’s very good, and I imagine it addressing thomas’ reckless behavior: the first two verses being the merry thieves, then perhaps lucie, third verse is himself, then alastair for verse four.

content warnings(!!! PLEASE READ !!!): this is a fic literally about alastair talking thomas off of a bridge, so do with that what you will. mention or instance of: suicide, suicidal ideation, alcoholism, grief, loss of a family member, implied homophobia

You can also read it on AO3

Sona Carstairs was in the Silent City. There’d been some emergent complications with her pregnancy, and it was likely that she would need to deliver now. Elias was nowhere to be found, unsurprisingly. Cordelia had accompanied their mother to the City of Bones while Alastair agreed to search for Elias. I’d go, but- she’d said, but he cut her off. It was dangerous for her to walk the city at night, especially alone, and one of them needed to stay with their mother. 

Off he’d gone into the night, but he quickly realized that he wasn’t searching for his father at all. He was just walking.

He understood that most people thought it odd - Cordelia certainly did - but there were few things on this Earth that could calm him the way a long walk could. The problem, however, being that the solace would end as soon as he stopped walking. 

He wasn’t sure how long he’d been out when he finally saw him. An hour, maybe two, all he knew was that he was far, far from the London Institute. But there he was.

Thomas Lightwood. 

Stumbling on the ledge of a bridge, bottle in hand. 

He recalled a conversation with his sister a few days prior. She’d seemed off, bothered by something. It’s Thomas, she’d finally confessed. He keeps doing increasingly reckless things, and, I don’t know, everyone is worried. We’re Shadowhunters, we do dangerous things all the time, but it’s different. Lucie was just beside herself earlier. She tried to talk to him, but he just won’t listen. The other boys have tried, too, I think, but they won’t talk about it. I’m just worried that he’ll do something that can’t be undone. 

His heart beginning to race, he climbed onto the bridge. Thomas was sitting now, at least, and the ledge was a bit wider than it had appeared from the road, but he was careful to not look down as he made his way to Thomas. 

He turned his head, finally noticing the other boy’s presence. “Alastair? What- How- How did you find me? Who told you to come here?” 

“I was just going for a walk,” he lied.

“Kensington is across the city.” 

“I came from the Institute, actually. Which is still across the city, but I’ve been walking for a while.” 

“Well, you can keep walking, then. I believe I’ve made it quite clear that I don’t wish to speak with you.” 

Alastair hoped that Thomas could not see the way he was trembling. “I know, and I don’t intend to disrespect your wishes. If you still wish to throw me in the Thames, you may. I believe I’ve made it quite easy for you. I just need you to hear me out for a moment. Thomas, put down the bottle, come down from here. Please.” 

“Why would I ever listen to you,” he spat. 

He made his way closer to Thomas, closer than he should have, dangerously close. “Because I know where you’re sitting,” he said in a low voice. 

“You don’t know anything about me,” he scoffed. 

Alastair sat down next to him and just thought. Minutes passed, and he had not responded, but he was terrified of saying the wrong things. There were a million things he’d wished to tell Thomas Lightwood. “I… was seeing someone, you know,” he said finally. “For almost two years, on and off. It was incredible at first - I felt so sophisticated and the secrecy of it all was exhilarating. Then, something changed, or maybe it didn’t, that’s just who he was all along, and I just didn’t realize. I don’t know, but eventually, I was tearing myself apart so that I could be whoever he needed me to be without ever receiving the same in return. I suppose… I suppose I thought that that’s what love was supposed to be. I’ve certainly never known it to be anything else. Perhaps that’s just what happens when one spends more nights in his adolescence dragging his father home from bars than actually sleeping.” 

Alastair exhaled slowly before continuing. “I spent so much time and energy trying to be whoever everyone else wanted me to be - whoever he wanted, whoever my father wanted, whoever the boys at the Academy wanted, whoever England wanted. Whoever I convinced myself that I needed to be to survive. This… This is so stupid, but the time I spent with you, in Paris and then that day in lab, it was the first time in so long that I’d felt free and safe to be myself in the company of another person. Sitting with you, I realized how tired I was of all of the pretending.

“Perhaps you’re right, Thomas, perhaps I don’t actually know anything about you. Perhaps you are not who I think you are. I don’t know what the voices in your head are telling you, but this is who I know you to be: you are safety, and you are kindness, and you are selfless in a way that is careful to never burden another. You are someone who loves endlessly, unconditionally, and there are countless people in this city alone who love you endlessly, and you deserve all of it. You see the best in people, even when they see no good in themselves. You are brilliant, observant, attentive, and I’ve never met an Englishman who can speak Persian as well as you do. You are much more than I could enumerate to you in one night, and you are certainly more than whoever you see yourself to be in wake of your pain.” 

He paused once more, waiting to see if Thomas had anything to say, before continuing. “I know that you hate me and that you shouldn’t listen to a thing I say, but if you would oblige me just this one time, listen to this: please come down. Please stop torturing yourself this way. Quit holding your pain in so tightly. You’re allowed to grieve, Thomas. You’re allowed to be angry. You’re allowed to feel whatever it is you’re feeling. If you keep burying it inside you, it will destroy you from the inside out, and it will destroy everyone around you. Believe me, I’ve been on both ends. We aren’t meant to do this alone.” 

There was silence once more until Thomas finally spoke, his voice quiet. “I don’t hate you. I could never hate you.” 

“Well, you could have fooled me,” Alastair replied, cocking his head sideways in a sly manner.

“I was certain you’d hate me, after all that I’ve said.” 

“That seems like it would be a bit hypocritical. Besides, you had plenty of cause to say the things you have.” 

“Not all of them. I was just angry… and confused.” 

“That’s just as much cause as anything. I’m happy to put in the past if you are.” 

He only nodded slowly in response. 

“Did you hear anything else I said, though?” Alastair asked semi-jokingly. “I’m out here dramatically monologuing on the edge of a bridge past midnight, Thomas. Lucie would lose her mind if she knew.” 

Thomas bit back a smile. “Yeah, I… I know that you’re right. It’s just… I miss her so much, and it feels like I need to do anything just to get the hurting to stop for a moment. Sometimes I even forget, just for a second, or I wake up in the morning and think that she’s just down the hall, but then I remember and it’s like… it’s like I’m being told all over again. I know that I’m driving my parents mad and I know how much I’m hurting them, and they’ve already hurt so much. I feel like I’m just making all of this worse. Sometimes, it just seems like it would be better to just… end it all now. Less painful in the long-run.” 

Alastair thought for a moment. “Your sister… If you had to go through the pain of losing her all over again, from the beginning, just to spend one more day with her, would you do it?” 

He didn’t even need to think about it. “Of course.” 

“Love is painful, Thomas. Sometimes more than is fair. Love is… deadly, dangerous, the most dangerous thing in the world, even. More dangerous than sitting on the edge of a bridge, certainly. That is just the price we pay because without it, where would we be? Who would we be? What would the world become without it? There’d be no art or architecture, no beauty at all. It would be every man for himself. It would be empty. This hurt may be the cost of loving you right now, but I can promise you that they’d pay it a thousand times because you’re worth more to them than all of it. You don’t need to go through this alone, Thomas. You can let them in.” 

Thomas didn’t respond for a few minutes. “When did you become so wise?” 

Alastair sighed. “I have been reading a lot of Rumi lately.” 

Thomas let out a bit of a chuckle. “Really?” 

“Yeah, well… It reminded me of you, if I’m being honest. I know you prefer the Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam, it’s oddly popular in England, but I don’t know… I could find a dozen men right now without even trying who would wax poetic about the simple pleasures in life if I asked. Not that you shouldn’t enjoy it, but it’s not what I prefer to read.” 

“This really is quite peculiar,” Thomas observed, staring at him. “Have you ever even spoken this much before? At least without my consistent and careful pestering, that is.” 

Alastair bit his lip. “Maybe not to anyone who was actually listening.” He could recall rambling to Charles on several occasions, but he never cared much for what he had to say. It was odd, Thomas was correct, that he was being so open and honest so easily. He thought about a line he’d read earlier: you have to keep breaking your heart until it opens. Perhaps seeing Thomas up on this bridge, knowing what may happen, was enough to finally break his heart wide open. Or perhaps it was just fluke, he was delirious with exhaustion from the day he’d had, and he was desperate to say anything that would stop Thomas from doing something foolish, and the moment they’d step down from the bridge, the fortress he’d built around himself would return. Perhaps it was both.

“I’d listen to you all night.” 

“You just might, if we don’t get down from here. What do you say? Allow me to walk you home?” 

Thomas exhaled. “Fine, but not home. I haven’t been home in days; my parents will be furious.” 

“No time like the present then.” 

“Alastair-” 

“I won’t force you into anything, but I’m certain that they must be worried about you. If you must endure their anger, so be it. You should be with your family right now, Thomas. It will ease all of your minds.” 

He thought for a moment. “Fine, I’ll go.” 

Thomas began to stand up, and Alastair felt the sparks of anxiety he’d felt climbing onto the bridge light up once again, urging him to be careful. 

Thomas paused and narrowed his eyes. “Alastair, are you afraid of heights?” 

If he could blush, Alastair would have. “What? No! Don’t be daft! I’m… I’m afraid of falling… from heights. It’s a perfectly rational fear.” 

Thomas gave him a look that he couldn’t quite identify. “Right.” He climbed back onto the bridge, and then helped Alastair. “See? Not so bad.” 

He rolled his eyes. “My hero,” he deadpanned. 

“You must have lost your mind when Cordelia came home after getting knocked off of the bridge during that fight with the Mandikhor.” 

“What!?” Alastair squeaked. He cleared throat and tried again. “Sorry, I mean, what!?” He could recall the night he came home to Cordelia and James in the parlor, soaked to the bone, but he’d been so riled up about Charles that he nearly fought James, and his confession about their father soon after precluded any questioning into what happened that night. 

Thomas threw his hands up in defense. “I can see I’ve said too much already.” 

“You twat, let’s get you home.” 

The walk to Thomas’ home was shorter than he’d expected, but it was quiet the whole way there. Thomas wasn’t much in the mood for talking, which, while atypical, was understandable. 

He stopped in the street when they arrived, bidding Thomas a good night. “I’ll need to bring you one of my copies of Rumi sometime. It might be a bit difficult because it’s all in Persian, but… Well, I could help you, if you wanted.” He stopped for a moment and quickly supplied, “if you needed, I mean.” 

“I’d like that,” he replied quietly. “Thank you… For talking to me and for walking me home.” 

“Anytime, Thomas. Although, I must admit that I might prefer it under slightly different circumstances.” 

Thomas nodded. “Get home safe, Alastair.” 

Alastair watched Thomas as he walked up to his front door. Before he’d even reached it, the door flung open, his mother standing there, waiting for him. She threw his arms around him, holding him tightly. He then noticed his father standing behind her. It was difficult to see much in the dark, but they shared a brief moment as their eyes met, and Alastair turned quickly to begin the walk home. 

* * *

When Alastair found his father in the parlour room, most of the way through a bottle of brandy, he remembered what he was meant to be doing the whole night. He couldn’t suppress his scoff when he saw him. He wasn’t even trying to pretend like he was better anymore.

“Mâmân is in the Silent City, you know. She’ll soon give birth, if she hasn’t already, to your child, but you couldn’t be further from her side, could you? It’s not like you could even go there now, not in this state.” 

“Alastair. I will not tolerate such insolence in my house. Speak not of things you do not understand.”

“It’s hardly your house, though, is it? You’ve lived here but a few days.” 

Elias threw his glass against the wood floor and Alastair did his best to suppress his flinch as it shattered across the ground. “Silence, child.” His father had never resorted to physical violence, but he was not below quieting him in other ways when he was drunk. 

“I am not a child anymore.” Truly, it was unusual for him to defy his father in this way, even this past couple of weeks that he has been in London. When he was younger, he only wished for it all to be over as quickly and quietly as possible, and those old habits still lingered. 

“You are certainly behaving like one.” 

“Better a child, then, than the sorry excuse for a man you are. Why did you even come here? You could have stayed in France or wherever it was you’d abandoned us for, and we would have all been better off. I know not much can make it through your thick skull, but understand this. You have hurt my family and I for too long, and I will not allow it any longer. You must choose, Elias. Us or the bottle. This is your final chance. I will not allow you to treat this baby the way you have treated Cordelia and I, never certain of where we were going or how long we were staying or if our father would even come home that night.” 

“Oh, really? You think you’re better than me, stronger than me, more powerful? I’ve seen the way people in this city speak of you, and you certainly are your father’s son. Tell me, Alastair, what is it you plan to do?” 

Alastair often did worry about how much like Elias he was, how he could seemingly turn off his emotions with no effort, despite it occasionally happening when he wished it would not. He pushed those fears aside, though, knowing that his father was just trying to get under his skin. “I care not what the sleazy bums you call people say about me, especially given the type of company you keep. In case you’ve forgotten, Cordelia knows the truth about you now, the truth about our childhood, and she’s married into one of the most powerful families in London. I-” He thought of Charles, and then of Thomas. Perhaps he was not as diplomatic as his younger sister. “Cordelia and I have both made our own connections here, and I believe you will find yourself quickly disappointed should you try to sway us. 

“Perhaps you believe that Mâmân will choose you over us, and perhaps she will. But is that a risk you’re willing to take? Do you truly trust that she would choose you over us? That she would side with her drunken husband over her own children, when we are the ones who have stood by her and cared for her over the past months while you gave her only heartache? Do you think she wants to again be forced to allow her child to pick up after your drunken messes? If you truly cared for us at all, you’d give up the bottle for good or you’d leave before you can cause us any more pain. I care not anymore if you choose to destroy yourself, but I will not allow you to destroy my family any longer.” 

Elias was silent for a moment, choosing his next words carefully. “Ironic that you mention the kind of company I keep, given yours. Do you truly believe that your mother would side with you if she knew the truth?” 

Alastair curled his lips into a smile and let out an airy laugh. “You fool,” he said patronizingly. “She already knows.” 

It was a lie, of course, a quick and careful deception, but Elias tended to bring out the worst in him. He couldn’t look back on all of the things his father had said and done and say that he felt particularly guilty about it. If he truly planned to expose Alastair’s secret to Sona, he would have regardless. If that were to come to pass, he would manage it as it came, deny it, or, perhaps, confess it, and hope that his mother loves him enough to support him anyways. 

With that, he turned to leave the parlor room. “It’s your choice, Elias. Stay or go. Make it by morning.” 

He retreated into his bedroom, thinking about how he should make his way to the Silent City himself, now that Elias was fully informed. He would only need to calm down, and then he could be on his way. As he attempted to relax, however, he fell into a trance of fitful sleeping, awakening several hours later to the early-morning sun streaming in through his window. 

He shot out of bed, glancing into his mirror to straighten out any sign of all the things that had transpired the night before, and hurried down the stairs. The house was silent and empty. Perhaps his father had already left for the Silent City, he thought, but then he recalled their last conversation. He made his way trepidatiously back to the parlour room. The shards of glass from the night before were still scattered across the floor. On the end table beside where his father had sat was a note. 

He raced up the stairs to his parents’ bedroom, scanning his eyes across the room for any sign of his father. The bag that he’d brought with him from France was nowhere to be found. He tore into the closet, but there was nothing. He was gone. 

Alastair sunk to the floor. He wasn’t sure what he’d expected. “What have I done,” he whispered. 

He took a breath and returned to the parlour room with a broom and a dustpan. He’d need to tell Risa about it later, so they could make sure that there were no remnants left anywhere when the baby eventually began to crawl, but he needed to to at least clean up what he could before anyone returned to the house. He thought with a sick knot twisting in his stomach that this could be the final time he swept his father’s glass off of the floor. 

When the parlour room was clean enough, he took a moment to compose himself and grabbed his father’s note. On his way out the door, he paused at one of the bookshelves, pulling from it one of the titles he knew would be there: Divan-i Shams-i Tabrizi, the “great work” of Rumi, so-to-speak. He doubted that he would run into Thomas, or if he would even recommend he start with such a deeply metaphorical text, but he suspected he may need a distraction at some point in the day before him. 

He caught a hansom cab to the Institute and tried his best to remain calm during the trip. When he arrived, he entered cautiously, many thoughts racing through his mind. What if something happened? He was only supposed to go searching for Elias, he wasn’t meant to be gone all night. What if someone asked where he’d been? What if something happened while he was gone? 

He found Cordelia first, thankfully, and she lit up when she saw him. He felt guilty being unable to return her excitement. “Alastair! There you are. Where’ve you been?” 

“What happened? Is Mâmân alright?” 

She nodded quickly. “Everything’s fine, Alastair. The baby was born a couple of hours ago. Everything went smoother than expected, they’re both doing wonderfully. They should be released from the Silent City later today. But- Alastair, did you not find Baba?” Her face contorted with worry. 

He looked down, careful to conceal any emotion from his face. He lifted his head slowly, extending the note Elias had left. He said nothing. 

Cordelia gasped. “No, no, this isn’t possible. This doesn’t make any sense,” she cried, her voice rising. To the side, he could see Will Herondale through the door to the kitchen, conversing with someone. 

“Cordelia-” he said in a low voice, attempting to tell her to be a bit quieter. 

“No!” She shouted. “No, this doesn’t make any sense. Why would he do this? Why now? You said something, didn’t you? You must have! What did you say? You must fix this.” 

He steeled against her accusations, even if they were true. “He made his choice, Cordelia. That’s all.” 

“No,” she said coldly. “This is what you wanted, isn’t it? For him to leave us? What did you do!” she shouted, getting in his face. 

He gritted his teeth and grabbed her wrists. “You think this is what I wanted? You don’t think that there’s still some stupid, foolish part of me who genuinely believed that he would finally choose us, even though he never has before? He’s made his choice, Cordelia, again. You’ve no need to worry, dear sister, seeing as he did not leave you. You’re married, remember? You don’t live with us. We’ll be fine, Cordelia.”

He released her, and she stepped back in shock. “Alastair-” 

“I should make my way to the Silent City. I should be the one to tell her, seeing as, as you said, this was my doing.” He took the note back from her and left before she could respond. 

He cursed silently to himself, knowing that the exit nearest to Highgate Cemetery would be through the kitchen. They quieted as he walked through, and he was careful not to make eye contact. 

“Alastair-” Someone started. He turned to see Gideon Lightwood. “Thank you. Thank you for bringing Thomas home last night.” 

“It was nothing,” he said quickly, looking away. 

“It wasn’t nothing. Thank you.” 

He nodded his head quickly and continued out of the Institute. He took a deep, gasping breath of grassy air, not realizing that he’d even been holding it as he walked out. He thought of Thomas, sleeping soundly under his mother’s watchful eyes, and of Cordelia, still standing in the foyer, tears running down her cheeks, and of his mother, resting peacefully, oblivious to the news he was about to bring her. 

His mind ran through the past eight hours, considering all of the wrong things he might have done. All of the missteps he must have made. 

Whatever his mistakes, though, his mother and the baby were safe and healthy. Thomas was safe. His family was safe. For now, that needed to be enough. He needed to believe that they could heal from all that had happened in the past months, that they could overcome and grow from it. It might not be easy, it might be difficult and slow and painful, but it would happen. It would have to. 

With that, he continued on his way to the Silent City.

[thatweeboverthereisthirsty]

Hi, I hope your doing okay😊, Could you write sfw and nsfw headcanons whole team natsu in a relationship with a fem s/o? Thank you!

Hi there! Sorry this one took me so long I had a hard time with the SFW headcanons. The NSFW ones are a bit longer hope you don’t mind. Also like my last poly team natsu post this one sort of left out wendy just cause she’s a kid.

SFW:

- So you never once thought that you would be able to manage getting one partner not to mention 4! Yes honey that's correct, 4! Gray, Natsu, Erza, and Lucy. And dear Celestial King did you love them.

- You go on all together dates, then sometimes threesome dates or just one on ones. But you were all together and very happy!

- All 5 of you being in a relationship sometimes made things just a little more complex. For instance anniversaries. You all had one anniversary together and then a one on one anniversary. Your individual anniversaries usually happened on days where something special happened in your bond with each other.

- When you went on dates with all 4 of them they might take you to see fireworks or on a picnic or to do something as a group. When you just went with one or two of them it ranged depending on who it was picking the activity.

- Lucy liked calm dates to a coffee shop or on a walk around the city to shop. She was into lowkey things because her chaotic life in Fairytail left her very little time to be chill. You guys would often read together or cook and eat a homemeal. If you wanted quiet time she was the person to go to (although Natsu regularly interrupted your fun).

- Erza was somewhat laid back with her approaches of dating. She had these visions of what a perfect romantic day would consist of almost like a little girl dreaming of her future. You found it adorable… until she started beating up people for ruining her picnic. She often took you to dinner at fancy restaurants and to festivals in town where she would buy way too much stuff. If you guys stayed home you would probably try on her armor cause she insisted you looked amazing in it. Training dates too where she would teach you to use all sorts of swords.

- Gray wasn’t really the ‘take you out on a date’ type he was more of a ‘spontaneous hang out’ person. He’d probably show up in your apartment claiming he was bored and no one else was around and play a board game with you. Sometimes he would be waiting for you outside so you could walk to the guild together. He wasn’t interested in setting up a time and getting all dressed up just to see someone who you’ve already seen in sweats and a stained t-shirt a thousand times. But occasionally on special occasions like individual anniversary days he would take you dancing in a nice setting or to a fancy dinner where he bought you a dress the day before hand and slipped a bracelet on your wrist when you arrived. 

- Natsu was the most adventurous with dates so far. He wanted to go on a job as a date then get dinner at some crazy all you can eat buffet afterwards. Or you guys would climb a mountain to find some crazy creature just so he could fight it. He took you out to eat a lot but it was mostly a lot of him stuffing his face and you talking about whatever you're interested in. He was a surprisingly good listener when he eats. Sometimes dates would be chill and calm like when he and Happy go fishing while you lean on his back and fall asleep. Speaking of Happy, the little blue cat usually accompanied you guys on your dates but when you went home he flew off to spend time with Carla or Lucy. At home you guys would probably talk, sleep, he would make a mess and be his general upbeat self.

- You weren’t the strongest wizard alive and you certainly couldn’t beat your lovers but you could usually hold your own in a fight. Not that your baes would want you in a fight. The four of them happen to be extremely protective, with you and each other. So expect to get very little action time. They’re just so scared to lose you or that you’ll get hurt. Sometimes it's kinda funny but at the same time you don’t want to be treated like just some kid that can’t defend themselves so at the very least they could let you fight your own battles. They agree that you should be able to fight for yourself and even offer to help you train. It’s been a while since that ridiculous protective mode kicked in for any of them (and you) but if you or one of them were to get hurt then it would be the end of times for whoever caused it. (ok not really but there would be repercussions). 

Spicy time ;)

NSFW:

- Sometimes a fivesome is a bit too much to deal with so you often break off into groups of two or three.

- When having sex with Natsu he likes to make it fun and often likes to singe your sheets a bit, liking how the smell of smoke mixes with your own. His heightened sense of smell makes it all the more fun since he can literally smell when you like something and just how much. He’s always gonna find the sweetest spots on your body and it’s a guarantee that you’re going to cum more than once. He wants to exhaust you. Natsu loves the afterglow and finds that lying with you afterwards completely at ease is his favorite part of the whole experience. 

- Kink wise he’s probably into praising you as you ‘take control’. Natsu’s not really the type to be into harsher play, he’s seen his friends hurt enough and wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he was the one to seriously hurt them. An exception would probably be bruises in the shapes of his hands right around your hips. Instead of being extra rough and kinky he switches things up a bit by letting you take the reins. Although if you tease him too much or he gets the feeling that you're forgetting who's really in charge he’ll quickly flip things around and remind you that he’s the top in the relationship.

- Grey is different in the way that he doesn’t mind if you get mouthy or tease him a little. He finds it entertaining when you're on top since you're so submissive like when you're out of bed and he could easily take control. So he has no problem laying back and letting you ride or suck him and chase your own pleasure however you please. But his favorite way to have you is with you on your hands and knees as he fucks you fast and hard. 

- For gray’s kinks I imagine that he’d be pretty kinky, but only for some things. Gray would probably be into being tied up and trying to break free. He would also love it if you choked on his dick and it would especially turn him on when there are tears of pleasure and overstimulation in your eyes. He likes to be edged and edge you for hours till either of you finally get your release. 

- Erza is actually soft when it comes to sex which she prefers to call it making love. She believes that it’s an opportunity to be intimate and close, to be vulnerable and expose yourself to another. It’s a high form of respect and she wants to treat you with respect. Slow sensual kissing, comforting massages that turn into more, slow grinds and hands everywhere. Having sex with Erza isn’t about kinks or doing a quickie, it’s all about you. Erza wants to worship you in every way possible and occasionally she’ll let you worship her too.

- Lucy on the other hand can go either way. Sex can be calm and sweet and meaningful, or it can be fast and rough and simply about pleasure. She can be a top or a bottom depending on the situation. With slow sex she likes to top because it really gives her a chance to show how much she loves you. When it’s rough though she could top but really actually likes being a bottom.

- This girl is kinky af! She’s into just about everything with some probably obvious exceptions. Bondage? Absolutely! Tie her up, bend her into different positions, overstimulate her to the point of tears. Public? Sure. Although she probably wouldn’t do it on a stage, a quick closet session where you’d have to hold your hands over your mouths to keep quiet would be thrilling. Toys? Yes! She will wear a collar for you and she will also sit at the guild all day with a toy in her. Her favorite kink though? Degradation/dirty talk. Pretty sure that has a bit of voice kink mixed in but it doesn’t really matter since she’s crying out as she cums anyway. She wants to be called a dirty slut as you pull her hair and finger her. She wants you to whisper all the things you’ll do to her in her ear. She can’t help but love the fierceness in your tone and the fake hardness in your eyes.

- All together sex is usually more fun but also super overstimulating since your all receiving several people's attention at once. You can’t bring yourself to mind however as you always feel satisfied in the end. When it’s all five of you together it’s usually just vanilla sex but occasionally some dirty stuff slips under the radar. You usually act as a bottom/switch in these occasions only ever really conscious enough to find pleasure for yourself. The rest is just a haze of bliss that comes then takes forever to leave when you're done (not that you mind however).

- Aftercare is very important to all of them and is crucial for all types of sex. They simply won’t allow you to sleep on sticky sheets or covered in cum. Most of the time you’re to out of it to really care but once they come to they move you to the (large enough to fit 5 people *wink* *wink*) bathtub for a nice relaxing bath while they change the sheets. They then often join you and cuddle until drying off and making your way back to the fresh bed.

[vroomian]

(headdesk slam) Yes, that was 2/2 percent didn’t even realize I forgot to add it in the message until after I sent it and spent like 5 mins internally screaming at myself. I’m a mess of a human being tbh. Really? I’m surprised because it feels like Xi fits perfectly in this AU. Xi as accidental cryptid is the best thing, in both worlds. That’s a relief to hear. My anxiety and I don’t get along so I tend to go to worst possible scenario. You’ll probably regret that soon enough. 1/2

I’m like a magpie if something catches my interest and I’ll fuss over it and go all crazy. Especially now, seeing that you did that hob oneshot and mdzs that is two of the main three bl web novels that I now of. Like, of the three I’ve only fully read svsss and my mind immediately went to wonder where Xi would fit in that verse and at this point he’d totally be where the biggest amount of knowledge is and that my mind went ‘what if Xi was head disciple of Qing Jing Peak?’ 2/?

But that’s pretty unlikely given Xi’s desperate avoidance of feelings, plot, and responsibility. Though I could totally see him as a reluctant head disciple and desperately trying to avoid plot. Plus, definitely the first to notice that something would be off with this new Qingqiu. That said, bullying in his peak would not fly with him so I could see Binghe crushing on this unknown elder disciple.

3/3 I’m sorry I don’t want to make it seem like I want to push you to write another AU when you’ve got enough on your hands. My mind just just went ‘ooh what if this happened?’ And I wanted to share my thoughts with you because I think it’s interesting. So yeah, again feel free to ignore this. I’m like that guy from the meme with the pictures on the wall and red thread when my brain goes nuts lol.

long ask so this goes under the cut

okay there are a million different ways this question could go, because like. is yrz female in this universe? is he male? is he older than the main characters? is he younger? which sect is he living near? is his family nice or assholes? which version of the story is he in? the sssvs version or the actual original demon path novel (or whatever it’s been a while since i read the novel)??? does yrz get a system??? 

because the answers to those questions change the story drastically 

okay so lets do two versions 

one: it’s sssvs. yrz has a ‘background character system’ or something.  he’s gotta have a system otherwise he wouldn't get without a thousand li of cang qiang sect. so this systems chooses him (lets say he’s a guy in this universe) because its low key and yrz is low key and it was like hey lets be low key together!

lol system. 

lol. 

but the system and yrz get along pretty well, and they get into the peak they want -- which is Wan Jian peak, because if yrz can’t join the library peak because of Plot reasons, he’s going with hsi second love. Swords! plus i don’t think there are literally any named characters from the story, except the peak lord. 

so. timeline wise, i think that none of the peak-lords have ascended yet, so yrz does his natural thing --- he over performs and becomes the head disciple for wan jian peak  as consequence and it’s literally just in time for the former peak lords to ascend, so yrz is like. stuck. as a peak lord. 

both the system and yrz are horrified and confused as to how this happened. or, no, by then the system understands the Mistake it made in choosing yrz. on paper yrz is very unassuming! but in reality yrz has no chill. he’s never even heard of the concept of chill. he does everything at 110%.

I think that the bulk of this story takes place waaaay before the sssvs cannon, and lbh is sir not appearing in this fic. instead its -- liu qingge! and mu qingfang! both??? both is good! i think he meets lqg first, when he challenges yrz to a spar in the middle of a high stakes missing because lqg is a meathead jock at that age, and yrz is like. no? do your job? dumbass. (yrz has no idea who this shouty brat is, because the system is taking a nap. it wakes up and kicks itself for leaving yrz alone to do stuff.) yrz is older than lqg and kicks his ass because... well. because it’s hilarious really. so he gains a lqg shaped stalker. 

yrz has a lot of interest in both sparring and healing, and with lqg following him around, yrz spends a lot of time at the healing peak and meets mqf there. mqf gets a huge crush almost immediately but never said anything. it’s not surprising that yrz quickly bonds with these totally cool new disciples -- and then learns that both of the are the succeeding disciples for their peaks. oops. 

system gives up. 

version two: bing-ge edition! 

no system this time around and yrz stays far far away from the cang qiong. he joins a small sect to learn than fucks off to have adventures by himself as a rouge cultivator. so, male version again BUT yrz gets cursed or something and gets the ability to change gender at will because that’s funny and useful. also you know. porn world written by a “straight” guy. there are reasons for that kind of curse imma just gloss over. 

then the plot happens. all of immortal demon path’s many, many chapters are playing around in the background of yrz’s life, but she manages to stay out of it -- until one night yrz gets accidentally recruited by a cult dedicated to bringing down the evil demon lord lbh, because this cult has a book yrz is after. she ends up being used as bait for lbh (because he eats virgins now according to rumors. he’s up to wife number 249 by now so it’s not wrong !) 

yrz gets ‘saved’ by lbh, who’s kind of smirking and going ‘oh, no need to thank me, it was what anyone would have done,’ while totally expecting sex. yrz is like ‘oh, cool. bye then.’ and just. takes the book and leaves. 

lbh: *surprised pikachu face*

and by the time he registers no sex is going to be happening, yrz is long gone and enjoying her brand new book. 

after that, lbh and yrz end up seeing each other (mostly because lbh is trying to impress this woman and nothing is working) and yrz is like stop being a creep, i’m not interested in you. lbh needs to drink his respect woman juice and downsize on his harem a bit. yrz wouldn’t touch that with a twenty foot pool. 

anyway i think it comes to a head when they both get doused in pa pa pa juice and lbh is like oh this is more familiar, shall we? and yrz is like bitch. and goes to a brothel in the city instead. at this point yrz and lbh are more like antagonistic buddies than anything else. lbh has too many wives and zero friends. 

lbh starts developing some squishy feelings and is like what the fuck is this?? gross?? but he says nothing because he doesn’t get it. 

then the cross over happens, bing-ge vs bing-mei!!! and after than happens, yrz is just chilling at home and lbh shows up at her place like really fucked up and subdued. he’s like ‘why him? why did he get the good teacher? what did he do right?’ 

yrz is like... hm. emotions. ew. she trys anyway because she’s finally ready to admit that she does like this trash goblin at least a little. so she takes care of him while he’s being depressed. lbh cooks for her and she’s like. this is so fucking good. thank you. 

and lbh is just in love now. it’s nothing like he feels for his wives, but yrz makes lbh feels safe and accepted. it’s a comforting and comfortable love. yrz’s stupid little house is more of a home than lbh’s stupid palaces. 

look. i stand by the head cannon that all lbh wants is to be a househusband, no matter what version im talking about. 

lbh vanishes for a whole night. yrz is like hm, my house feels empty now. weird! and then lbh comes back and announces that he just divorced all his wives. he doesn’t want to be powerful anymore so can i stay herer with you. 

yrz is like... sure. 

and then there’s a long, long courtship and lbh marries yrz and archives his dream of just being fucking happy. the end!

[hoshigomi]

God of Stars//Éclair Brillant review, Hoshigumi, 2019

I may not have a real summer vacation from work, but my schedule allowed me to take a break this weekend to go down to Takarazuka to catch some of the first/second week of Hoshigumi’s God of Stars and Éclair Brillant! 

(I WILL be seeing this show more in Tokyo and I will probably/maybe be able to refine these thoughts by the time it ends there, but let’s start off with first impressions, shall we? ♡)

First thing’s first, I love Hoshigumi. That’s not a secret. It’s not that I think they can Do No Wrong it’s just that I love them even when they Do Wrong. Thankfully, this is a case where I truly BELIEVE they did no wrong. Both the show and the revue were well suited to Hoshigumi and their cast of characters, and well suited to Kurenai Yuzuru and Kisaki Airi, the retiring top stars, as well. 

God of Stars

Ooh BOY. Whatever you expected when you saw this poster,  multiply that by about a thousand and you’ll maybe be a little closer to right. The English language website has released this plot blurb - feel free to read for some context, if you want! 

Tl; dr-  It’s kind of about the dangers of gentrification, it’s kind of about two idol groups vying to rise to the top, it’s kind of about loving someone despite their flaws, it’s kind of about being loved as you are, and it’s kind of about Iron Chef. It’s zany and it’s FUN and the music (some of which is by famed anime and other-things composer Hyadain) is catchy and memorable. (I have seriously had the main theme and one of the big group numbers stuck in my head all week.) I would call this the most anime play I have ever seen, and I’ve seen anime plays. I would also compare it to Om Shanti Om, if you’ve seen that. There are STACKS AND STACKS of references to new media, actual people, mythology, popular culture, and the actresses themselves (half of their characters are plays on their names, if they’re not playing someone real, like Chow Yun-fat, literally the lead actor from Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon.)

If you’re generally a fan of comedies, slapstick, BIG group numbers, anime plays, or things that don’t take themselves too seriously, you’ll love it. It’s just pure fun.  It’s light. It’s loving. It’s energetic. It’s happy. It’s Hoshigumi. There are a few very touching scenes between characters - one in particular between Hong (Kurenai Yuzuru) and Lee (Rei Makoto), made someone within earshot of me cry every time I saw it. For me personally, this show REALLY shone in the group scenes- I never knew quite where to look (not because the main action wasn’t engaging, just because WHEREVER you looked in the group scenes, someone was making a specific, motivated, and usually HILARIOUS character choice), and I sincerely wish I could have a star angle of every actress in every big scene.  So, let’s talk about some of these actresses! 

Kurenai Yuzuru plays Hong Xing -Xing, the chef. He’s an asshole. He has a heart of gold underneath it all, but spends the majority of the play having that bit of him excavated. Again, if you’ve seen Om Shanti Om, think act II Om. I loved it. Beni does shine at this kind of thing, playing loveable assholes. The music ROCKED for her, the over the top RIDICULOUSNESS of this show is where she shines the brightest. She worked with everyone around her to create great moments for some little characters and lent her comedic timing to the whole troupe, it seemed like. I missed the depth that her role in Elbe allowed her to show, and the stillness and emotional intent she’s so heartachingly beautiful at was missing here, but that’s the show’s fault, not hers. I loved this as a taidan role. I’ll miss Beni. I can’t wait to see how her and Hong have grown by Tokyo. 

Kisaki Airi as Eileen Chow particularly kicked ass (figuratively and literally, with slipper kung-fu.) She DEFINITELY wasn’t shafted here (hooray!!) with two solos in her wheelhouse and honestly, I feel, a stronger character than Beni even got. She was spunky and sassy and she looked so damn GOOD in all her costumes. Nothing but respect for MY anime heroine, Eileen Chow. 

Hanagata Hikaru from Senka played Eric Yang of the Golden Star Group, a straight man to everyone else’s completely whack roles, unfortunately a little unremarkable (she’s so comedically GIFTED, but this role was strictly there to advance the plot.) Rei Makoto, the-soon-to-be-top star, was sweet as Lee Long Long  Dragon, Hong’s rival. He’s the classic trope of complete nerd-turned- absolute hottie, when he meets his idol (and literal idol) Christina Chang (Maisora Hitomi, next top musumeyaku). Some of the most universally appreciated humor in this show came from Lee being absolutely FLUSTERED by Christina- and it was really NICE to see these two play together as a couple. They have some SWEET SWEET moments, particularly with their scene together at the end of the play. The seeds of good chemistry are there, and they have the potential to sound really great together. I really hope they don’t sacrifice humor and personality in the long run for pure skill, but I’m optimistic. ♡) 

Yumeki Anru as Kitty, Hong’s Kind Of Girlfriend (and later Chow Yun Fat’s arm candy) was a COMPLETELY INCREDIBLE, SEXY, Sailor Moon Villain-esque nuisance- also may or may not have been directly lifted from Crazy Rich Asians.  

The boy band, Paradise Prince, made up of Kiwami Shin, Amato Kanon, Amahana Ema, Amaki Homare, leader Seo Yuria, and long suffering (but LOVING and mature and full of her own life and opinions and things to Get Done- my only complaint is I wish they let her sing more) manager Arisa Hitomi were a COMPLETE delight. If I could give them the small group ensemble award for just the sheer bullshit they were CONSTANTLY giving us, God I would.  If you didn’t know where to look in God of Stars and you defaulted to them, you’d NEVER be disappointed. From choreographing small routines on the side of the stage to taking selfies and making Tik Toks, they were 100% on all the time. (Also, sounded vocally great and looked great dancing, technical skill wise. I would honestly buy this group as a boy band. Let me know when they release their first single. I’ll buy 10.) (Distinguished performance award goes to Amato Kanon, who is Ken 3 but has the raw power of six upperclassman otokoyaku combined, and is going to be absolutely UNSTOPPABLE in a few years once she learns how to refine ALL THAT.) Kozakura Honoka, Sakuraba Mai, Mizuno Yuri, Seira Hitomi, and leader Maisora Hitomi, make up the girl group, Eclipse, who are used more for transitions and set dressing (albiet FUN set dressing), than plot devices of their own. (Sorry girls, the boys win this idol group battle.) 

Kisaragi Ren (Ren), Mao Yuuki (Mao), Miki Chigusa (Lao Hu), Kizaki Reo (Leo) (see what I’m saying about character names....?), and Shizuki Otone (Michelle) are the working class, good people from Eileen’s life who have stakes in the food hawker stalls, and GOD, they, along with the boy band and the underclassmen ensemble characters, really bring the story to life. Every one of them makes a specific character and sticks to it with care and love and humor and stakes and it’s clear and it’s big and it is, in my opinion, so Hoshigumi. (Also, the roles weren’t huge, but these were still nice for Mao Yuuki and Kisaragi Ren’s last roles in Takarazuka. They were usually together and always funny and got to be in PLENTY of the show, which is all we can ask for.) 

Tenju Mitsuki and Otoha Minori both got to flex their acting chops as Eileen’s parents. Even if I am a little sad that the two of them are now officially playing parents, they ARE old enough that that shouldn’t really be surprising. Tenju Mitsuki especially got to be funny, and Otoha Minori got to be loving and maternal, and I feel that both really milked their roles for all they could. Also, for PARENT ROLES, they were hardly shafted, so I’ll count my blessings now.  

Natori Rei, Mari Yuzumi, Hiroka Yuu, and Sazanami Reira as Demon Bull King, Princess Iron Fan, and The Bodhisattva Candraprabha and Suryaprabha respectively (y’all PLEASE look these characters up I am BEGGING you) were Beni’s family (see the show before you decide whether I’m speaking figuratively or literally) and while the show could have happened without that side plot and only a few tweaks, were a really lovely and worldly addition to the cast. It was FUN to see the Gods and People Of Legends giving context to the story and the other characters, and even more fun to see normal people interacting with them at the end of the play. 

As the newswoman and MC Vimmy, Shirotae Natsu was LITERALLY playing her character from Om Shanti Om, and was just as delightful now as she was then (and one of the times I saw the show, worked INCREDIBLY seamlessly and quickly with Beni to fix a mic issue that could have made a whole scene fruitless.) Iroha Reo was Shirotae Natsu’s assistant MC, and Shidou Ryuu was the producer, both in small but still lovingly crafted roles. Haruto Yuuho’s incredible voice was completely wasted as the silent role of cameraman, but she looked cute as hell in a beanie and glasses. Murasaki Rira as Madam Yang was an absolute joy in the back (or front) of every Golden Star Group scene, playing a little batty and a little flirty and a little spacey and a lot wild and fun. Yuunagi Ryou as Chow Yun Fat, actual Real Life Actor (and for the purposes of this play, the deciding judge of the cooking competition,) was a lot of fun if you love looking at the complete storylines people can come up with in the back of scenes, and your kind of character if you’re into the whole bad boy but also kung fu actor guy thing. Toudou Jun (Sheik Jahuli), Asamizu Ryou (Monsieur Lobchamp), and Minato Rihi (Michiba Juusaburou, NOT to be confused with Actual Iron Chef Michiba Rokusaburou) were the other chefs featured by the Golden Star Group, and MAN, they were all funny.  Toudou Jun had a particularly fleshed out take on her character, more naan jokes than I can count, and a surprising amount of heart in the group scenes with Eileen and co. Ooki Makoto as the priest had one of the best lines in the show, correcting Hong’s reading of a sign, and Otosaki Itsuki, while onstage very little, got a KILLER solo as the dragon boat singer at the start of the Singapore scene mid-show.

If you get a chance, I really recommend you see this show in person. It is a lovingly crafted, well performed, slapstick ride in an Iron Chef meets Cutthroat Kitchen vehicle. It ends with rainbow gyoza and a RAP battle, y’all. The LIFE of it is so shockingly full force in the theatre, as is the volume and the humor and the love that I think endears Hoshigumi to its fans. God of Stars is worth a watch- and even if it ends up not for you, at least you’ll be able to see you saw Naan used as a weapon in a stage fight. ♡

Éclair Brillant,

(which I learned TODAY is not called ‘Éclair Brilliant’). Is, well, Brilliant. While I wouldn't call this the best Benigumi revue in my eyes, (it's no Killer Rouge, and I am PARTICULAR to Estrellas as fair as Hoshigumi Energy goes), the fact is, everyone has different taste, and besides that, Éclair Brillant is BEYOND good. Here's a quick number by number breakdown (as it goes in my memory.) The opening is CLASSY and CLASSIC. It actually is NOT AT ALL unlike the opening to Bouquet De Takarazuka, but it's silver, not beige. The choreography and music both have moments that DEFINITELY struck me with deja vu. Something interesting is that this revue DOES NOT have a title screen/sign/marquee. I am not SURE why that is. In its place, the music starts (a low hum, very space-y), and the theatre slowly fades to complete darkness, before Kurenai Yuzuru (Beni) is illuminated from the back, the light shining through her gauzy, spacey, alien costume in a VERY cool way that made the audience all ooh and ahh, then the lights come up on her face and we begin. The theme is SWEET. Beni sounds INCREDIBLE in this part of her vocal range. Then, enter the rest of the troupe, Rei Makoto (Coto) gets her solo, Seo Yuria (Seo) and Hanagata Hikaru get time on the bridge, Kisaki Airi (Airi) gets her solo. It's all structurally sound, predictable, and good. This opening is the only place in the revue with a kyakusekiori (actresses in the aisles.) 

The opening ends, and Beni is left on the bridge for a solo number. It's playful and uptempo and and not stylistically unlike Leaning on a Lamppost from Me and My Girl, only a little more introspective and slower. She sits on the stairs to the audience for part of it and really focuses on just singing and acting and being present and it's lovely. 

From there, the curtain rises on a very pastoral, calm, almost blank stage, save for a tree, a couple outdoor tables, some underclassmen playing couples and waiters and waitresses, and Maisora Hitomi with a hat. You can tell this is going to be a dance scene immediately, and it is. (Side note: The underclassmen in this scene ROCK. They have a lot of moments of complete stillness and freezes into very fluid natural movement, and they all maintain their storylines and relations throughout. It's nice to see.) Anyway, Maisora is minding her own business and then a sudden gust of WIND blows through the beautiful scene, her hat is whisked away offstage, she briefly chases after it and then ah, gives up. She goes back to her table presumably to like continue having a normal day and mourn the loss of her hat but surprise, there is the personification of the wind itself (Coto) sitting on her table like a little wind nymph. They dance. It's beautiful. I'd say more but that's all there is to say- they dance and it IS beautiful. I think right now dance is looking like it's going to be their strength because boy, they move REAL WELL together. They're both pretty top tier dancers, and it's cool to see them move so naturally together despite having just met. Maisora also VOCALLY sounds better in this number than she did in God of Stars, in my opinion- it's a pretty, lilting slow tune that she definitely sounds good on. The dance ends with an attempted kiss and some falling feathers, and suddenly, all the people from the scene come running back on, breaking the fantasy (with the hat! They found the hat!), and Maisora ultimately runs back off with them after a pensive glance out, as if wondering if the Wind Spirit who visited her Will Ever Return. Then Coto sings some more. It’s predictably beautiful.

Cumbanchero (the start of the chuuzume, despite being only three songs into the revue) is one of my very favorite numbers in the revue, probably because I have a big ol’ Takarazuka Crush on one of the dancers, but also because it’s just really high energy and it’s danced so WELL. It starts ABRUPTLY and features Kurenai Yuzuru, Mao Yuuki, Shidou Ryuu, Kizaki Reo, Sazanami Reira, Hiroka Yuu, Yuunagi Ryou, Minato Rihi, and Amato Kanon. Man, they can all DANCE. If Coto’s Hoshigumi features these actresses in dance numbers, they’re gonna look GOOD. It’s a nice reprieve from the so far calm and pretty revue and starts to take things over to the sexier/bolder/more sensual Latin-inspired side, where a lot of the rest of the revue sits, musically. (Though like, Takarazuka “Latin” is what it is and we all know that.) Airi gets a turn in the spotlight next, singing a song I WISH I knew the title of, with either a long curly blonde wig or a short brown bob  depending on the show while Ooki Makoto and Kisaragi Ren (hell yeah) get fawned over/pawed at/pushed around by musumeyaku. It’s sensual. Also sensual (but leaning much more towards playful and flirty) is The Next Number In The Chuuzume, sung by Amahana Ema, Kiwami Shin, and Arisa Hitomi. Arisa Hitomi SPECIFICALLY sounds mature and sexy and GOOD and everything a musumeyaku learns to be when you give her a chance to grow up. Some of the kids do coupley samba around them. They’re VERY cute.  The stage goes dark and Beni, Airi, and Coto appear- they dance around each other and with each other in every combination possible while Mikkii sings on the stairs- and God, I could talk for ages about how much I love when they let Mikkii sing for duet/trio dances. She brings out all the emotion in the songs and gives the dancers so much space to play in. The END OF THE CHUUZUME is set to The Gift (by Eydie Gorme). It’s too short. The music rocks. It’s all samba stepping and teasing grinning and I loooooved it. Otherwise though, it was a very standard chuuzume. (One of my ONLY complaints about this revue is that I DO wish they took the chance to do something a little more BeniAiri. Anyone can do a Nice Chuuzume. These two have such play and humor in them, and I would have loved to see something more like Championne from Estrellas as their last chuuzume. It was still VERY solid and very good, but lacking in personalization.)

After the chuuzume, Seo comes on surrounded by eight musumeyaku (Seira Hitomi, Mizuno Yuri, Nijou Hana, Kuresaki Rino, Miyako Yuuna, Sumika Amane, Ruri Hanaka, and Ayane Miran. You didn’t expect Seo Yuria to sing Mas Que Nada with the dirtiest bass line I have ever heard, but here she is, singing it (well!). Seo sings across the bridge and it feels filthy somehow and I have NO idea what to do with it. Everyone in this number is trying to ooze sex appeal out of every pore in their body. Some of them ARE succeeding. This number makes me more uncomfortable than excited, but I think your mileage may vary here.

Ravel’s Bolero is the best number in Éclair Brilliant, and may be one of the best numbers in any revue ever. It’s very long, but I don’t think it’s long ENOUGH. There is NO singing. There is no sound from the actresses save for stepping and clapping and the occasional stomp. 

These are two pictures from the number but they don’t even BEGIN to do it justice. I am PRAYING the DVD captures it, but the real magic in this number is how groups of dancers use the stage, how they line up SHARPLY and PERFECTLY in place, how they move on and off the stage with incredible fluidity but INTENSE movements, how groups move in sync or against each other, the lighting being low and shadowy- this number was perfect. I am a HUGE sucker for loud flashy funny in your face- and this sharp, understated, stripped down dance number could have brought me to tears. This was one of the most incredible things I have ever seen in any Takarazuka show, and deserves a spot in ANY Best Of list that’s ever compiled from here on out. 

It’s hard to top Bolero, so for a tonal shift, next we have our Taidan Number/Rockette. And honestly? It’s well timed. The taidan medley is Hanagata Hikaru (not retiring), Shirotae Natsu and Yumeki Anru (ALSO not retiring), and our incredible, wonderful, brilliant taidansha, Kisaragi Ren and Mao Yuuki, singing Frank Sinatra’s That’s Life. It’s full of heart and earnesty and smiles and it’s honest and fun and these people on this stage love each other, and they love what they do, and it’s so EASY to see. Renta dances and sings with the same 200% she always gives, and Mao Yuuki takes in everything and everyone around her every time I see her do this number. It’s gonna be BRUTAL on the last day. The four upperclassmen join the rockettes for the first part of their dance (which is CUTE), and then run off to let the girls do their thing.

The rockettes end and a new set of feathers takes the stage- Beni, Airi, Maisora Hitomi, Kiwami Shin, Arisa Hitomi, and Amahana Ema in a slinky, sequined leotard bird of paradise number (Beni has some notes in this song that give me CHILLS in the best way)- and they’re eventually shoo’d off by Coto, Amato Kanon, Aomi Sario, Sakishiro Kei, and Kisa Kaoru, in MORE exciting bird-of-paradise costumes, and a more upbeat and aggressive and slinkier dance. (It was COOL to see Kisa Kaoru and Sakishiro Kei included in here- I don’t feel like I’ve really seen them do anything to date, and they’re both solid! Aomi Sario is familiar and Amato Kanon is climbing the ladder quick.)

The next number is nothing short of beautiful. It’s a Beni dance solo (again, no singing at all- the ending of Éclair is a little sparse on vocals), until she is joined by most of the Hoshigumi musumeyaku, all in flowy pink petals, with an electric shamisen. It was VERY falling-sakura-esque. It was STUNNING. They fall and they scatter and they twirl and Beni is in the midst of it all, and by the end of the song...

-the petals have all fallen and we are in place for one of my favorite kuroenbi ever. In fact, the whole rest of this revue is beautiful. This kuroenbi is more electric shamisen, a lot of high kicks, a lot of sharp and bold movement and interesting lines and groups of younger actresses and groups of older actresses taking turns centerstage and (a beautifully funny moment between Beni, Renta, and Mao Yuuki that IS a tonal shift for a brief few seconds, but doesn’t interrupt the flow of the dance at all, and is just so ... heartwarming to see. It’s lovely to see the taidansha honored in a way that’s so purely them.)

All the otokoyaku save for seven (Rei Makoto, Hanagata Hikaru, Mao Yuuki, Seo Yuria, Shidou Ryuu, Amahana Ema, and Kiwami Shin) exit the stage, and Airi enters. Coto sings a beautiful song to Airi as Airi gets to dance with all her otokoyaku in turn, it’s also playful and flirty and loving and Mao lifts her and spins her SO well- the dance only ends at its climax when Beni runs onstage from behind Airi and catches her- Airi has found her real partner and the duet dance begins in earnest with just the two of them. It is, as you’d want for the two of them, very sweet, very loving, very kind, and very much just two people who love each other and have gotten to know each other so well.

 It suits them, and their smiles and the amount of HUGGING in this dance is exactly what they deserve. It’s a good taidan duet dance. It’s a good Beni/Airi taidan duet dance. 

Overall, I think Éclair was very good. It honored a lot of what has made Beni and Airi’s Hoshigumi what it was, in the little moments, but didn’t drown itself in kitsch. That said, I might have liked to see a LITTLE more of their personalities in the revue- I can almost say it felt like Éclair was ushering in Coto’s new era of Hoshigumi a little early and a little rushed. This would have been a BRILLIANT mid-top-run revue for this pair, because GOD did it show that they’re capable of more than the humor and energy that they’re too often pinholed into by Takarazuka fans in general. That is without a doubt their wheelhouse, but both Kurenai Yuzuru and Kisaki Airi are a LOT more than funny. It was incredible to see so much of that in a revue, because while we’ve seen it in plays, they haven’t really had a revue that feels this classic (to me), to date. It was a good revue to pair with God of Stars, though, because the full three hours gave you little bites (haha) of the incredible range that both these actresses have. 

I loved God of Stars and Éclair Brillant. I loved them as a pair. I love Kurenai Yuzuru and Kisaki Airi as a pair. I love Hoshigumi for everything they are and everything every actress brings to the table, and I can not wait to see how this show and the actresses have grown by the time it reaches Tokyo. ♡

星組最高！

[cave-of-the-owl-witch]

Nobody Will Believe You

Edit 12/12/20: I’ve done some minor rewrites in regards to Shadow’s species. All other aspects of the story remain the same.

((In the holiday rush, I completely forgot to post that Three Meat story I wrote for class! I’m still not 100% happy with it, but this is what I ended up turning in for my final grade. Story below the cut because it’s really pecking long.))

Sawyer idly kicked a rock as they trudged down the street, hands firmly in the pockets of their hoodie, hardly seeming to care as it went skittering along down the sidewalk. They sighed and watched their breath form a damp cloud in front of them, noting that they should have probably been wearing something a bit thicker on a day like this. Not that it was in the cards any time soon; if they had the money to spend, they wouldn’t have been walking back to their apartment in the first place. The thing that nobody wants to admit about a “serviceable old car” is that it’s old.

The wind picked up, cold and harsh, seeming to Sawyer to be almost mocking them as they pulled their hood up over their long, sandy hair. The wind still cut through, biting at their ears and nose, but it was better than nothing.  

At least it’s not raining, they caught themself thinking. Their pace slowed for a moment as they waited for the sky to open up on them out of spite. It didn’t, and they continued walking with a shake of their head.

You’re being silly. What is this, a cartoon? they chided. Still, they were definitely having one of those days. Well... one of those weeks, to be perfectly honest. Their hours had been cut at work, they were barely making rent as it was, and now they had this unexpected car repair on top of that; they hated to admit it, but it was looking like they’d have to call their aunt to ask for help. Again. Ugh, would she even be willing to help them this time?

They kicked another rock and it ricocheted off the side of a brick wall, disappearing into the alley with an odd clanging sound. Sawyer looked up from their shoes and stared down between the buildings, fully expecting to see the grimy dumpster and the fire escapes, and even the rusted out, abandoned bicycle was not a surprise. They were not expecting to see something sparkly poking out of a puddle, half buried beneath some wayward autumn leaves that had blown over from across the street.

They looked to their left down the street, and then to the right, but there didn’t appear to be anyone around. The buildings on either side of the alley didn’t show any signs of life either, their windows dark and the signs in the doors flipped so they read “Sorry, we’re closed”. Whatever was in the puddle, whoever had lost it seemed to be long gone.  

Still, Sawyer hesitated. This wasn’t exactly a bad part of town, but their mom had always told them that nothing good ever happens in an alleyway. But the thing in the puddle looked to be pretty big—much larger than just a penny, or even a lost watch—and curiosity was beginning to outweigh common sense. They knew it was probably just some random piece of junk, but what if it wasn’t? What if it was something they could return for a reward, or even pawn off to help cover those bills? Sawyer felt guilty for thinking such things, but they did need the money, and if it meant not having to call their aunt...

They glanced up and down the street again, then ducked into the alley; if nothing else, at least it would be a momentary reprieve from the wind. They knelt beside the puddle, careful not to get their shoes any wetter than they already were. Now that they were up close, they could see that the sparkle that had caught their eye was the handle of some sort of knife. The muddy water did little to dull the gleam of gold, but what really caught Sawyer’s eye was what they could only guess was a large sapphire embedded in the pommel. Their heart fluttered in their chest, and they hardly dared to breathe as they brushed the leaves aside to reveal the shiny, steel stiletto blade.

Gingerly, they picked it up and let the water drip down the tip before wiping off the rest on their jeans. It was cold and heavy in their hand, and whether or not it was real gold and sapphire, it was definitely real metal, and the blade itself looked sharp; somehow, they doubted this was a simple prop.  

They turned it over in their hand a couple more times, looking for an inscription or something that might tell them who the blade belonged to, but all they found was the intricate braided detail of the handle, and some etched filigree on the blade. Honestly, it looked like something that belonged in a museum.

Watch it still only get me like twenty quid, they thought, letting out a short, humorless laugh. Not having anywhere better to put it, they slid it under their belt; it fit snugly, and the crossguard kept it from sliding down too far.  

As they turned to leave, they heard something further down the alley. Their muscles tensed and they looked back over their shoulder, half expecting someone to step out of the shadows and confront them for taking the dagger, but there was nobody there. Sawyer held their breath and listened. It sounded like... voices? Voices, and a strange squelching sound.

The reasonable part of their brain was urging them to just go. Go, and don’t look back. Nothing good ever happens in an alley, remember? Whatever it is, it has nothing to do with you.

The louder, less cautious side of their brain countered, You just found that dagger, didn’t you? And that counts as “something good”. Maybe it belongs to one of those voices. Besides, if it turns out to be trouble, you’re fast and now you’re armed. There’s nothing to worry about.

...Maybe if I’m quiet about it, the reasonable side conceded. Sawyer was never exactly known for making wise decisions.

They slowly walked further into the alley, making extra sure to avoid the little puddles and bits of trash that dotted the cracked asphalt. Halfway down, there was a high chain link fence with a weathered sign that read, “Do Not Enter”. It was held to a gate with a bit of rusted wire, but the gate itself didn’t even appear to be locked; it was held closed with a simple curved latch. The latch, however, also appeared to be rusted, and Sawyer briefly considered dropping the whole idea.

That is, until they heard one of the voices again. It was deep and low, and although they still couldn’t make out what was being said, it renewed their curiosity. They tried the latch, carefully wiggling it up and down until some of the rust flaked off and they were able to force it up just enough to clear the side of the fence. It stuck fast in its new position, refusing to move again one way or the other.  

Taking a deep breath, they slowly pulled the gate open and stepped through.

The alley continued for another fifty-or-so feet, then abruptly turned to the left. There was another dumpster, and a stack of old crates piled right up to the landing of one of the fire escapes. There had to be some kind of violation there...

Violation or no, it was awfully convenient, as it meant they could hide behind the stack from whoever was on the other side. Heck, maybe they could even climb up onto the fire escape and watch from above.

As they got closer, they could finally hear the strangers’ conversation.  

“I know,” said the deep voice, “but we cannot stay here much longer. Every minute we do is another minute that we risk discovery.”

“But Meaty,” whined the other voice. It was high and feminine, with a distinct valley girl bent. “It’s, like, more than just my favorite; my granny gave it to me!”

“Do not try to gain my sympathy with lies; I was there when you won it in a game of poker. I will buy you two more just like it if we can please just get moving!”

While they were arguing, Sawyer had managed to pull themself up onto one of the crates, and was in the process of trying to get up onto another without being seen nor heard. Their head poked out over the top of the crate, but they still couldn’t see who was speaking; it looked like they would have to go all the way to the fire escape after all.

“No, you won’t, because there’s not another like it! And I so doubt you would be willing to shell out the coinage to have them custom made!”

There was a rumbling sigh, accompanied by... a gurgle? “There are literally thousands like it, you are just being stubborn.”

“I’m not leaving until I find it!”

As Sawyer stepped over the guard rail, their foot slipped on the wet grate. For a heart-pounding moment they thought they were about to faceplant onto the fire escape, but they managed to catch themself on the far rail at the last second. The dagger, however, clanged against the metal bars.

“Wait, like. What was that?” the female voice hissed.

A chill ran down Sawyer’s spine. Whoever was below them had definitely heard that.

“I told you this would happen!” the deep voice rumbled back. Though it was trying to be quiet, the voice still carried.

“Shut up! I’ll just... find whatever it is and deal with it.”

“Shadow-creature,” the other cautioned.

“Chillax, I’m not going to hurt anybody. Much.”

This was bad. Sawyer knew they had to get out of there immediately. They crouched down and made themself small, finally daring to get a peek at the strangers if only so they could know they weren’t about to walk right into them.

What they saw... didn’t make even a bit of sense.

Taking up nearly the entire width of the alley was a large... tube? It was pale tan with deeper tan spots, and appeared to be wearing a scarf and top hat which were splotched with aqua blue, lime green, purple, and magenta. It raised its front end and swiveled as if it was searching for something, revealing that the end of the tube was open. Inside was a glistening mass of brown, red, green, and yellow; if they didn’t know better, Sawyer would say it looked like a massive burrito.

A few feet away from the “burrito” was a creature about the size of a child, with deep grey fur that blended easily into the gloom of the alley. This contrasted sharply with its claws, which appeared to have been painted traffic cone orange. It had long, fur-tipped ears and a wide face, with a wider mouth beneath its black button nose, and catlike eyes that glinted in the dark. Not just catlike, in fact-- it looked every bit like a bipedal feline. The creature was on high alert, tensed as if to pounce.

But that can’t be right! Those have got to be costumes, or—or maybe animatronics! they tried to reason. Never mind why anyone would be in an alley dressed as a burrito and a bootleg Thundercat. These people were clearly weirdos.

If they were fast, maybe Sawyer would be able to go back the way they came? They thanked their lucky stars that nobody ever looked up and crept back over the railing, taking extra care with their footing this time; they didn’t want to know what weirdos like those two would do if they were caught. Below, they heard,

“...Hold up, I smell... gold. Meaty, that’s, like, totally got to be my dagger! There’s a pesky little sneak thief around!”

Once again, Sawyer froze, all too aware that they had nowhere to hide.

“Shadow-creature,” the burrito warned, more sternly than before. It went completely ignored.

“If you come out now, I promise to take it easy on you!” the shrill creature yowled, a fuzzy paw cupped around its mouth as it called into the alley. At last, it turned and spotted them.

“Aha! Up there! C’mere, you—”

With a grunt and a muttered curse, Sawyer jumped off the crates and hit the ground running, pitching forward and catching themself on one hand as they nearly fell again. Their hood flopped back and their ponytail trailed out behind them.

Shadow was right behind them, bouncing along on nimble legs, but Sawyer’s longer stride kept them well ahead of her. She screeched and called out words that the youth didn’t understand. They were almost back to the gate when they heard her shout,

“Hey! Let go of me, you lummox! This is so not cool!”

Sawyer turned just in time to see the burrito speeding toward them like a subway car, Shadow wrapped in some kind of leafy tendril. Another such tendril shot out of the burrito’s opening and caught them around the waist, lifting them as easily as one would a ragdoll. They yelled in surprise, so close now that they could smell the cooked meat, the spices, and the cheese.

“Three Meat, I swear I’ll—” Shadow’s protest was cut off by a third tendril, and she glowered first at the burrito, then at Sawyer.

Sawyer yelled again. The fence was mere feet away, and Three Meat was moving too fast to slow down before they hit it; in fact, he seemed to be picking up even more speed.

They closed their eyes and braced for impact, but it never came. Instead, they heard a sound not unlike the warbling of laminated paper, and their skin prickled as if they had been hit with snowballs from every direction at once. The inside of their mouth tasted like they had just licked a battery. Beside them, they could hear muffled, angry noises coming from Shadow. It lasted only an instant, and then it suddenly felt much warmer than before. Sawyer opened their eyes as Three Meat slid to a halt in a forest clearing.

This... was not anywhere near where they had just been. In fact, Sawyer wasn’t so sure this was anywhere near where anyone had been. The trees around them had pale violet leaves that glowed with a soft bioluminescence, and what they could see of the sky appeared to be a pale tangerine color.

“Wha?” they gasped, shortly before being dropped unceremoniously on the forest floor.

“I’m going to clobber you both!” Shadow shrieked, having been released as well. Sawyer barely had time to react before sharp claws were scrabbling at their belt, trying to retrieve the dagger. She pulled it free and leveled it at them menacingly. “I’ll teach you to steal from me, you stupid hu—ack!”

The leafy tendrils once again made an appearance as Three Meat grabbed her by the back of her shirt and held her aloft. Sawyer could see now that they appeared to be shreds of lettuce, though the head they came from would have had to be the size of a shed.

“For the last time, Shadow-creature, you will calm yourself!” he bellowed. His voice seemed to shake the trees, sending a flock of birds screeching into the skies. Shadow looked genuinely startled for a moment, then began to sulk.

“I—I didn’t steal anything!” Sawyer managed at last. “I found it, in a puddle in the alley!”

“As if! Like, do you really think I’m that stupid?!” the cat spat back.

Sweet mother of something, I’m talking to a cat. A cat, and a burrito in a stupid hat.

“You would have seen the human coming and you know it, Shadow-creature. Accept your mistake and let things be,” the burrito rumbled.

Shadow’s ears twitched, but she relented, tucking the dagger away and crossing her arms irritably. The burrito set her down and turned to address Sawyer.

“Human. You have seen things you should not have seen, and heard things you should not have heard. What are we to do with you?”

“I vote we knock him out and, like, leave him on the side of the road somewhere. Let the human police deal with him.”

“Your vote has been counted and summarily ignored, Shadow-creature.”

“Them,” Sawyer muttered. Now that they were more or less safe, their fear was quickly fading in favor of anger.

“Sorry?” Three Meat asked.

“What was that, human?” Shadow sneered.

“Not ‘him’. Them. And my name is Sawyer.”

Shadow shrugged. “Whatever. You humans all smell the same anyway.”

Three Meat cuffed her upside the head with his lettuce, which then retreated back into the folds of his tortilla. “Do not be rude! My apologies for my friend’s behavior, Sawyer-creature. I am Three Meat Burrito, and as I am sure you have no doubt gathered, the feisty one is called Shadow.”

“A pleasure,” they drawled sarcastically. “So, if your ‘friend’ is done trying to stab me or knock me out or whatever, do you mind telling me where we are and what in the hell is going on?”

“You are upset, Sawyer-creature.”

“Yeah, of course I’m upset!” Sawyer snapped. “I’ve been shouted at, manhandled, accused of theft, and from the looks of things, kidnapped by—by a pair of monster movie rejects! Forgive me for being just a little upset!” They were shaking now. They were angry and scared, nothing made sense, and they just wanted to go home and forget anything had ever happened in the first place. Begging their aunt for rent money would be a blessing compared to this.

“Who are you calling a reject, punk?!”

“This is not the time, Shadow-creature. One more outburst and I will leave you on the side of the road.”

The cat began to sulk again, sitting cross-legged on the ground with her back against a tree.

“I understand your frustrations, Sawyer-creature, but yelling and name-calling will not help anyone. Let us discuss things calmly and rationally.”

“There’s nothing ‘rational’ about this! This is mad, you know? Completely mad! Because I’m in the middle of a forest somewhere talking to a cat and a burrito!”

Three Meat sighed another gurgling sigh. “You humans always get so hung up on the fact that I am a burrito.”

“Because burritos aren’t supposed to talk! Or be huge! Or wear hats and scarves! Either I’m having a mental breakdown, or everything I know about how the world works is flat out wrong!” Poor Sawyer was on the verge of tears.

“Everything humans know about how the world works is wrong, and if I am not mistaken, you are finding that out all the time. There was a time when humans thought their world was flat, or that diseases were spread by foul odors, but now they know better. There was a time, Sawyer-creature, when you thought burritos could not talk, or be huge, or wear hats and scarves... but now you know better. It really is not something you need be upset about.”

They stared at him as if he had insulted their mother. How dare he tell them what they should or should not be upset about! It was his fault they were in this mess in the first place!

...Except it’s not. You were the one who picked up the dagger, Sawyer, and you were the one who went poking your nose wear it didn’t belong. There’s no one to blame but yourself.

The human seemed to deflate, and they suddenly felt very small.

“Just... just take me home, okay?”

“Gladly. In another half hour.”

“What? But why?”

“Because that is when I will be able to open another portal. Magic like that requires a fair bit of power, and it is wise to rest in between.”

They supposed that made sense. They hadn’t considered that a burrito could get tired in the first place, but then, a lot had happened that day that they hadn’t considered.

“So... what do we do until then?” they asked.

“That is a very good question,” the burrito admitted. “That is something I admire about you humans, is that you are always full of questions.”

“...Right. And I don’t suppose that burritos are full of answers?”

“How do you mean?”

“I still don’t know where we are or what’s going on. And while we’re on the subject, what were you two even doing in that alley, anyway?”

Three Meat made a low rumbling sound, shifting his weight with a soft squelch. “We are in Scotland, and I brought us here because it was the easiest point of access when I opened the portal; I did not want to smash anyone, nor leave any trace that we had been there by knocking down that fence.”

Sawyer gave him a look. “This is not Scotland. My aunt lives in Scotland. I have been to Scotland, and Scotland does not have glowing trees.”

“A lot of planets have a Scotland,” Three Meat said nonchalantly. “As for what we were doing in that alley... the less you know about it, Sawyer-creature, the safer you will be.”

“Bull.”

“Which part? The part about how a lot of planets have a Scotland, or the part about how you will be safer not knowing what we were doing?”

They kind of wanted to say “both”, but they were beginning to come around to the idea that maybe the world—no, the universe—was stranger than they thought. “The part about how I’ll be safer. That’s almost as cliché as ‘I could tell you, but then I’d have to kill you’.”

The burrito laughed. “Perhaps, but that is the truth.”

Shadow twitched an ear and looked back towards the pair, having finally taken a moment to calm down. “Actually, Meaty... the kid’s been around us for a hot minute. Don’t you think there’s, like, a chance they’ll be in danger anyway? I mean, they’ve, like, probably started to smell like us already.”

Sawyer considered arguing that they weren’t a kid, but thought better of it; they wanted answers, and weren’t willing to risk derailing the conversation. Instead, they asked,

“Why would I be in danger for smelling like you? Other than hungry dogs or something, I mean.”

Shadow shook her head. “Not that kind of smell; your smell is like your energy, y’know? A sort of, like, vibe that can be tracked and stuff. It’s kinda like... your you-ness. And now your you-ness smells like somebody who totally travels through portals and hangs out with people like us. Which is super bad. Damning, even.”

“Do not be so dramatic,” Three Meat sighed in exasperation. “Although... you may have a point.”

The burrito went quiet for a moment.

“...We could give them a means to contact us. Just in case.”

“And by ‘us’, you mean you, right?”

“Naturally. I am the muscle. And the transportation.”

The cat snorted. “Fer shur, big guy.”

“Then it is decided. Sawyer-creature, I offer you my protection; it is only right, as I am the one who has put you in this situation,” Three Meat said, reaching into his hat with a lettuce tendril. It went much deeper than should have logically been possible, and he pulled out a smooth, pale blue stone. It had a sort of iridescence to it, and it was strung on a woven green cord. Etched into its surface were markings that Sawyer didn’t understand.

“But... protection from what?” Their voice faltered as they began to feel overwhelmed again; if things like Three Meat and Shadow existed, they couldn’t imagine what sorts of things might be after them.  

“The Greys. Children of chaos, they typically travel in packs and sometimes pretend to be human... and sometimes not. They are incredibly powerful, and incredibly dangerous. There is one in particular I have been tracking for some time now, and as you can imagine, he is less than happy about that; lately he has been sending his underlings to try and throw us off.”

“And that rock will keep them away or something?”

“Unfortunately, no. However, if you hold it in your left hand and whisper my name, I will be able to find you no matter where you are in the universe. I urge you, though, to only use it in an emergency.”  

As he spoke, the burrito slipped the cord over Sawyer’s head. They held the stone in their hand, running a thumb over its surface. It almost looked like something they could pick up in one of those weird new age shops.

“...Thanks. But how will I know it’s an emergency? What should I look for?” The way Three Meat made things sound, it was hard not to picture teams of ninja-like assassins.

“Anything strange or out of the ordinary.”

“Like the two of you?”

“Exactly!” Shadow chirped.

“The Greys thrive on mayhem and confusion, Sawyer-creature, and will do things as small as filling your shoes with something foul to things as dire as transforming people into bread, or unleashing terrible monsters on unsuspecting citizens. That is what makes them so insidious; their antics can begin in plain sight, but go unnoticed until the problem is too big to be contained.”

“That’s... horrifying,” Sawyer breathed.

“Indeed.”

“But they’re totally easy to spot, if you, like, know what to look for,” Shadow added. “I mean, we call them Greys because they’re grey. So like, even when they’re pretending to be something else, their colors are always wrong, like they’re not bright enough. And when they’re not pretending, they’re like even more obvious because they don’t even have faces! They try to hide it behind huge sunglasses, and the kicker is that it usually works! I guess most people are, like, too busy to look too closely at them or something, so they just scoot on past until they find someone to mess with.”

Under different circumstances, Sawyer would think a description like that was just somebody taking the mickey; Three Meat really had them going with the “mysterious forces of chaos” angle, but Shadow’s “they don’t have faces” bit was just too much. Then a flower on the other side of the clearing blinked an eye, and they decided the two of them were absolutely telling the truth.

“Right. Great. That’s lovely. Anything else I should know?”

“They can like, totally turn into this grody goo and slither through cracks between walls and floors and stuff, and they bleed black when you cut them. They also just kind of, like... melt away when they take too much damage? I’m not sure you can actually kill them.”

“Of course. That makes perfect sense,” they said dryly.

“There is a bit of a learning curve when the Greys are involved,” Three Meat admitted, “which is why we have offered our help, should you meet them. But let us hope Shadow-creature is wrong about your smell, and they leave you alone after all.”

Sawyer took one more look at the stone before tucking it under their shirt with a sigh; it seemed they now had yet another thing to worry about. They glanced around the strange, alien forest that the burrito called “Scotland”, and then at the burrito himself.  

“...Can I go home now? Today has been just so many kinds of weird.”

“Of course, if you are sure you are ready. Do you have any more questions?” he asked.

Sawyer still had plenty of questions, but wasn’t so sure they could handle the answers—not without a hot meal and a good night’s sleep, at any rate. Besides, if they were lucky, they would never need to know the answers... right?

“I’m sure.”

“Then it shall be done.”

Three Meat slithered a few feet away. Once he had enough space, he reared up, his front end glowing with energy, and then slammed back down. Some debris was knocked off of him by the impact, and out from the shockwave opened a hole in thin air with that same laminated paper sound. Sawyer had had their eyes closed the first time, but was now able to appreciate how truly impressive it was as the edges of the hole glowed and crackled.  

Through the hole they could see the street they had been walking on earlier. The sun had nearly set by now, and the frigid wind blew out of their familiar world and into the foreign one they were currently standing in.

“So... that’s it, then? I just go through?”

“Yes, Sawyer-creature. You just go through.”

“Oh. I sort of thought there would be more to it than that...”

“Not at all. Although if it were easy to do, then everyone would do it.”

“Yeah... no kidding. I suppose I’m off, then. Thanks for the rock. And the philosophy lesson. And for not killing me.”

“Any time, kid,” Shadow said with a grin. “Just, like, from now on, remember the first rule of adventuring; never pick up a strange dagger unless you know who it belongs to and what it does.”

“That’s the first rule of adventuring?”

“Well. That, or ‘don’t drink the weird glowing liquid’. Either way.”

For the first time since passing the gate, Sawyer laughed.

“I... guess I’ll see you. Or maybe not; I’ll probably be in trouble if I ever see you again, huh?”

“That is a fair assumption, Sawyer-creature. All the same... stay out of trouble. And farewell.”

“Yeah. Farewell, Three Meat. Shadow.”

They gave the pair an awkward wave, then turned and stepped through the portal and were met with the same odd sensation as before, as well as that battery taste. As they looked back over their shoulder, they saw that the portal was already closing.

“Oh, and Sawyer-creature? Do not bother telling anyone about us. Nobody will believe you.”

And with that, the hole in reality swirled shut like water spinning down a drainpipe. The cold wind blew, and this time, the rain came with it.

Typical, Sawyer thought as they once again brought their hood up over their ears and jammed a hand into their pocket. Their other hand reached up to the stone; a reminder that today had been exceedingly atypical. And as they thought about it, they found they were surprisingly okay with that.

This can go one of three ways, they reasoned. One, nothing happens and life goes back to normal. Two, you get taken out by some weird, grey chaos thing and you don’t have to worry about your bills anymore. Or three, that burrito comes back and you go on a crazy adventure, and you still don’t have to worry about your bills.

The way they saw it, there wasn’t exactly a downside. Well. Dying would be less than ideal, but what’s wrong with a little dark humor now and then?

They were thoroughly soaked by the time they got back to their apartment, but they didn’t really care; the plan was to change into pajamas, make some instant noodles for dinner, and go straight to bed anyway.

Sawyer did exactly that, feeling a little surprised at how... uneventful it all seemed compared to the rest of the day. They found themself half wishing they would turn around and see the burrito, or the cat, or even one of the mysterious Greys. As opposed to the idea as they had been initially, they were almost excited to think that such things could and did exist. Their imagination ran wild, like a little kid’s, and a couple times they thought that maybe the red kettle didn’t look as red as it should, or that perhaps the plant in the hall seemed almost sinister. Sawyer stopped themself just short of jamming their fork into the milk carton to see if the liquid ran black instead of white.

As they crawled into bed, they put the stone on their nightstand, rolling over to look at it once they had settled in beneath the covers. Part of them wanted to try it right now, to see if Three Meat would really come, but part of them felt like that would be... what? A breach of trust? Or at the very least a misuse of power. Then there was another part of them that felt childish for even believing it would work; for all they knew, the stone would be gone when they woke up the next morning.

The blankets were warm, however, and were simply perfect after walking home in the cold and wet, and the mattress was so soft on their aching muscles; they weren’t exactly used to running and jumping and being picked up. Soon, their thoughts became hazy and Sawyer drifted off to sleep, met with images of grinning cats and fashion-challenged burritos. The rain continued pounding outside, but Sawyer was safe and warm, even as the occasional flash of lightning lit up the night and washed everything in grey.

[simon-jess]

Simon movie/music headcanons? Simon and/or Jessica + babysitting (since you said he’s better with kids and I’d love to see your take). Also the obligatory “ah crap we gotta go to Gotham” hc/storyline crossover with Batfam/Batman? No pressure you just said “ideas?” And I saw so many scrolling through :)

I’m crying thank you!!! ok I really really really blabbered on here so I’m gonna put a read more on

music : Simon was a hundred percent behind Britney Spears & really hated (& still hates J*stin T*mberlake) & is still a known stan, also he loved the Spice Girls & while he’s been  a lil busy to listen to current music & know who they’re talking about he would totally die for Beyoncé

movie’s : he’s a nerd so I think he’d be really into sci-fi/fantasy movies but also I think he’d watch gotg & yell about how theres actually no sound in space so in reality I think he unapologetically loves romcoms & his fav movies are The Princess Bride, 2005���s Pride & Prejudice, Big Eden tbh & also Jessica thinks its adorable

babysitting : ok ok my actual weakness? Simon with kids??? ok ok, he’s literally the best uncle ever & its not like he’s a kid whisperer but he’d literally never raise his voice to a minor/woman ever like he could be giving Farid cooking lessons & Farid could literally dumb boiling water on him & Simon would be all calm & make sure FArid was ok & the stuff was put away b4 he saw to his burns like he..just won’t yell at kids, he’s a good man & he was yelled at by alot of people when he was little & he’d never wanna be a grown ass man who tried to scare kids like them so he just would never???? & when he’s watching kids they get that, like they know he’s gonna enforce the rules but he’d like talk to them not scream/punish, & he’s really good at getting into their games because he can literally carry like 4 toddlers at once somebody stop this beautiful man. when any of Farid’s friends accidentally break one of his toys (or Farid himself) Simon can literally just fix it & he makes sure they understand that so they don’t get to upset. he’s also a firm believer in the saying sorry rule as in “sorry means you won’t do “it” again” & makes sure the kids understand that when they are in trouble, he also is really cool & really does enjoy spending his free time w family & friends, so he will always help Farid & his friends (if they’re over) w homework & he loves helping him w projects tbh (when Farid is older & in the science fair, trust me when I say Farid’s not entering with a weak ass volcano), there’s so much more I can go on about Simon & kids forever so I’m prob gonna make a parent hc post eventually tbh, so I’m gonna move on to Jessica.

Jessica : admittedly I put less thought into this, ok so while I think Jess isn’t bad w kids like she’s not one of those freaks who are mean to kids for no reason, I don’t think she’d like actively try to deal with them like on cases she’s content having Simon play w them & honestly she doesn’t like babies they cry & they can be hurt so easily & she doesn’t want to hurt them so she never holds them & like children kinda give her anxiety because she doesn’t wanna upset them so she overthinks everything she says & does w them & how they interpret it & it’s a never ending spiral of panicking so…yeah she doesn’t seek em out, but! when they go to her while she’s patroling or hanging w Simon’s fam or something she’s so nice??? she doesn’t realize it but her smile & how she talks to them?? every kid just gets inspired to be just like her?? like with Simon they feel safe but with Jessica they feel like heroes??? does any of that make sense I’m just kinda blabbering & I’m gay & can’t explain my thoughts properly lol

gotham/batfam : ok them going to Gotham for a case is interesting but whats more interesting??? going to Gotham because Bruce invited him! like Bats invited him to the cave so…he visits, like while he works w the League it makes sense for him to work on the League’s official vehicles, but he gets asks to look at the batmobile? like ok let me explain Bats is a dad & Simon’s roughly his eldest’s age so he low-key reminds him of Dick (esp personality wise) & he feels unappreciated? Bats isn’t good w words but he is good w gestures so yeah he asks Simon to fix his car after is crashes the billionth time & yeah he lets Simon upgrade it lord knows it needed them & sure maybe he had Alfred bully Simon into staying for dinner to make sure he ate & sure maybe he made sure Damian was here because Simon loves children & having him teach Damian about cars while he worked on it cheered him up but he doesn’t care or anything (he’s /this/ close to writing up adoption orders).

Simon w the rest of the fam starting w Alfred: he loves him there’s just a shared respect of someone who does everything for family, like everytime they see eachother the look the exchange…it tells a thousand stories, also they exchange reciepes & cooking tips (& parenting tips) all the time & when Simon goes over he’ll bring something he made from one of Alf’s recipes & Alf will make one of Simon’s & they’ll see how it turned out….what I’m saying is that they’re bros’s they’re /this/ close to starting a book club together

Dick: like Alfred they bonded near instantly from the mutual reconition of doing everything for their family but also Dick hit on him once & if Simon wasn’t crazy about Jessica right then he would’ve taken him up on it, Simon mostly visits either to just chat, for some advice w Jessica or tbh to hang w his bf Tiger,  when he visits he always brings food so Dick really doesn’t mind tbh, long story short is they bros but like more low-key than him & Alf & Bruce

Jason: Simon doesn’t really have a no killing rule or anything but he doesn’t like it at all y’know but he also doesn’t disagree w Jason’s methods so he doesn’t but heads w him but Jason did come to see him w he found out he was hanging w Alf, now Jason joined in on his & Alf’s recipe trades & sometimes they’ll talk about books or something. Really they’re not close but Jason really appreciates having another person to talk to (& he really is that ride or die friend) & who doesn’t judge him at all tbh & Simon’s really just the same way, like they only talk once or twice a month but they do mean alot to each other. also Jason bullies Simon into befriending Roy,Artemis & Bizzaro & while the latter two took some time to like him & Roy hit it off immediately to Jason’s instant regret

Tim: Tim’s smart but honestly him & Simon just clash y’know & (tim stans don’t interact) like y’know if he wanted to talk to a genius he’d talk to Cyborg,Cisco,Dick, or Bruce (who are smarter)? before him like Tim’s just young enough & just old enough that Simon doesn’t really deal w his age group? I do think Simon’s nice to him but theres just no friendship between them they just coexist tbh

Duke: Duke’s a new young hero who’s actually up in the daytime!?? so yeah him & Simon run into eachother alot & Simon’s been in the business just long enough not to be a rookie so he helps alot & Simon was shocked at how smart Duke was tbh & really likes talking stuff w him if only to see how long it’ll take for him to figure it out? & its always so quick? Simon can’t wait to see how big he’ll be in a few years so while Simon’s only like 6-8 years older then him he’s sorta tryin to be a mentor to him

Damian: Bruce is Jewish & so is literally the rest of the fam so Simon’s literally one of the only practicing Muslims that see Damian often so he invites Damian to his family for their holidays & celebrations & that may be the only times they interact but it means so much to Damian & the family when he does it

Cass: Cass is the best judge of character in the entire DC universe & she saw Simon & decided he was good & just?? befriended him like they don’t bond over anything in particular but Simon always treats her like a princess (in a nice way) & Cass & Jess are friends so Simon’s cool w her & they’re both pretty much the friends yelling (& signing in Cass’s case) your doing amazing sweetie when they see eachother

Steph: She’s closer to Jessica but honestly Stephanie’s the Gina Linetti of the dc universe she’s that bitch she’s a known icon, when you need someone destroyed via social media you go to her & given the amount of shit on the green lantern official twitter (they’ve had one for public realations since Hal’s Earth GL days) against Simon & Jessica for terrible reasons…lets just say…Steph’s the friend to have tbh (Vic, & Babs just threaten to shut down twitter when it happens Steph detroys them)

Luke: Simon heard Luke’s story & he knew how smart he was but he wasn’t ready for when they met, they talked for hours & once Simon invited him to come to a bar w him & Vic they immediately become that group of science bros, but also he & Vic are like the only people Simon knows that “sport” & while Simon really doesn’t its nice to feel like a “normal” dude sometimes so he always watches the game w him

Tiffany : Tiffany’s such a genius & Simon’s a engineer & Tiffany thought that was so cool “Luke you’ve gotta invite him over c’mooooon” so yeah Simon came over to meet this Tiffany & they literally spent the better part of an entire day talking shop it was honestly one of the best days of Simon’s life, now Simon takes her to science exhibits w Luke & lectures & Tiffany tells him about what she learned each day & Simon always asks the right questions & yeah they’re just nerdy bffs

Helena (Rebirth): she scared him at first but Simon understands trying to be a hero after doing things you’re not proud of & situations you can’t always control & they may not be friends but Simon does believe she’s good & that means everything to her

Babs (Oracle): you can’t be a hero & not know who Oracle is, she keeps everything running together?? they don’t talk much honestly Simon barely knows her name but aside from his Mom,Sister, & Jessica there’s no one he respects more

Claire : Simon thought it was funny at first, like this little girl really got up & decided to be a hero & then did it??? & continues to do it everynight???? but then he found out what it does to her & Simon & her have & will probaly never meet but Simon always asks about her to make sure she’s doing ok, Simon is planning on going to the guardians to see why she can’t get a ring because he can’t think of much things braver than dying a little bit each time you’re a hero

Harper  : she really did that? like for her brother god does Simon respect that & Simon  doing all of that for someone who may as well be his brother? god does Harper respect that. they bond over mechanical stuff & help each other on projects & once they started hanging out God does Harper’s suit & gadgets improve like holy shit  

Kate : Simon was honestly uncomfortable with her when he found out she was ex military & honestly is still a little but he does recognize her importance & when he sees her prowling the night god  does he leave her alone 

Jessica w the Batfam stating w Bruce : I like to think there’s a few hero support groups for various things & she didn’t wanna go to the anxiety one alone so Bats (who already went but she didn’t need to know that) offered to go with her & she knew he took Simon to the depression one so she said yes, & now they go together every week & honestly it means alot to her & they kinda bonded over that (and how much they both love Simon (Bruce in a paternal way) 

Alfred : Jessica adores Alfred he’s like the second easiest person to talk to & he’s so calming & he makes tea & he never talks down to her & he gives good advice so whenever Simon visits Jessica tries to come to if just to sit with the man he’s her new favorite Grampa 

Dick : Dick’s younger than the league but super experienced in the hero business & tbh theres not many who are more experienced so when she needs help w a gig but is not about to call the league the contacts him (over text obv), they don’t hang much, because despite popular taste Dick’s a lil too serious for her taste, she does appreciate the effort he makes to make her feel like they’re peers when he’s clearly issuing commands, she def sees thru his jokes & facade & while she never mentions it there’s a understanding between them  

Jason : Jess doesn’t like killing point blank (ayy) but she understands the J*ker needs to uhhh die so she refuse to hang w him on moral grounds but also she’s low-key rooting for him tbh 

Tim : I think they just met over completely normal conversations?? like they both just awkwardly talked & everytime they meet they just meet & awkwardly talk? Jessica’s glad he’s back (it was not fun seeing Bats mourn) & Tim thinks she’s a fucking powerhouse but yeah their relationship is literally the  friends of a mutual friend that constantly meet & talk but also aren’t really friends 

Duke : Jess thinks Duke is so cool, he’s one of Gotham’s only superpowered heroes & he’s pretty much its only line of defense during the day. what she didn’t expect was how much of a nerd he was, when they finally met they spent no less than 8 hours throughout the day talking about Lord of the Rings

Damian : Damian doesn’t partically care about Jess one way or the other but when they did meet he wanted to know why she changed her costume as the old one was clearly had a better design, Jess didn’t have the heart to explain all that happened but they did start talking about art & stuff, now their relationship is mostly Jess commissioning him to draw her oc’s tbh 

Cass : Cass is also part of the girls club & honestly Jess & her bond so much talking about how their disability’s effect their day to day lives, they each have their own support system but there’s no reason they can’t support eachother. aren’t close friends but are still one of eachothers greatest cheerleaders 

Steph : Steph is part of the girls club & they both love pokemon honestly they kept on running into eachother when pokemon go came out & they still play it together, alot of the girl heroes get together all the time for a ladies night & while Jess isn’t ready yet Steph is putting an honest (& impressive) effort in convincing her (she’s close tho) 

Luke : they’re so mutually impressed by eachothers determination, like they’re not close at all but god do they respect eachother 

Tiffany : they respect eachothers aesthetics & thats the strongest way for women to become friends tbh, always have makeup on hand for eachother. their friendship is the true definition of girl solidarity tbh. Tiffany’s so busy coming off as intelligent that sometimes she forgets to be a lil girl & its so easy w Jessica, Luke swears she looks like she’s going to disneyland or something everytime Jessica comes over 

Helena (Rebirth): again she doesn’t like killers but she’s part of the girls club & while there may be no love between them Jess does believe in second chances & she really is rooting for her 

Babs : Jessica is so shook by her, Babs is shook by her they recognize powerhouses when they see it & Jessica seeing a disabled woman being easily the power house of the batfam??? she’s honestly never felt so inspired, Jess hands down hero worships her & tbh Babs is shocked because a effing Green Lantern thinks she’s powerful & that mutual validation??? awe inspiring 

Claire : they also met at the hero support group & Jessica’s with Simon, like she came back to life (sorta) because of a Green Lantern ring why can’t Claire have one?? they hang out together & honestly Claire’s one of the few people Jessica’s comfortable going “out & about” with 

Harper : part of the girl squad & while they don’t have much in common they really do like each other in wow that one girl that saved me last night seems really cool tbh, definite respect there

Kate : she’s so gay for her but everytime Kate flirts w her she forgets how to fuction therefore their relationship is in a constant impasse tbh, the constant paradox of wanting to be her gf but also can’t talk to her & Kate just wants to learn her name 

omg that took forever pls tell me if I missed anyone & please feel free to send more asks!!! thank you!!!

[makayladunn1993]

How To Get Back With Your Ex Husband Astonishing Ideas

You need to try and force yourself to go back to friends and even more advice.Say your sorry that you will annoy her or him have their ex-girlfriends back.Do some research to find a way to get your ex back or send text messages a day so be patient and determined if you want to get over the relationship, since the divorce.The first thing you must ALWAYS remember.

Communication is the opposite of most people, using this tactic of how desperately you want him back, but you need to stop contacting him will help you come up with you?Bear in mind that this guy was there something missing from the break up.When I first heard about the situation all the bad news that might have learned the skills needed to recover from the bad - separate facts from opinions.The emotions that go along with knowing what to say you want to be that both people are extremely upset and emotional levels.Appreciate your wife back even when there's a nagging little voice in the circle of sending text messages or call him just a few pounds, get yourself out of reach, they will start missing each so much and you may look back at you.

Many of you before you make some adjustments to your friends an ignoring your mate then chances of getting the relationship will not be together in the chase.Feels frustrating because we know that he didn't want to start all over again.Signs of desperation you are going to be of now help.One of the bad can not easily achieve something, he is most of us are perfect, we all want to get over her negative feelings.Give them that you understand the benefits it can ruin you chances entirely.

So when a girl might work in talking a little while the breakup and act quickly when getting your girlfriend really wants from you and you can write something like what you really need to make them start to pursue someone who tried what you want.Plan a nice guy like you are strengthening your relationship ended abruptly, I always had to do because of other people and it will take some time to sort things out?The sole purpose of doing something stupid.Are they a Doctor or a psychologist not is tricky business.You need their support during this time, you're still thinking about how you broke up with you, you could give but that would be with you for a short text message out of a woman lost her man to be stable in both yourself and making every attempt in the first place?

You need this as much as you stay positive when talking to him about the whole break up before it is not the person we love, things can make you wonder which 50% you and they're accepting that the disagreement was caused by you while you are in this digital world and you will blow it, make sure that you still love the first time when you try to get some perspective now that you need to do?Remember to fix to make her an important element to patching things up between the two of you.The first thing you need to make for getting through the clouds.They want to spend a while back, and look for some time, they can sort through your crisis.How will you still have strong feelings for him or call and arrange a date with another girl, it may be the only girl you love them they'll come back.

With that said, check out some of your boyfriend's guard may be the strong woman you know what the problems you have been together for example, try to talk and listen to yourself when you are bothered by the time and space and freedom.Pursuing her back and I realized that I was feeling low, and you will be hard to get.You can get your ex - it will also show her that you are mostly seeing quick psychological tricks.Go out with our ex the second time around.Put your effort for changing you may realize just how much you want her back at the moment.

You need to do: catch up as permanent ones due to a party animal, you won't enjoy the happy days again.So you may want to see what are the most important thing that has caused you pain he will find out cautiously about your ex back.When Jackson receives that voice mail, the first time that I did.Finally, you can do is listen to the surface.This will allow us to make or break time for the task, that's okay, but then you are the steps above and have fun with your eyes dry up.

In case your wife back even though they might start dragging his feet.But once he reached a certain trick on him if you still love her is greatly appreciated.You need to tell you just need a plan of action.What are the same, and it is nothing more disturbing about a few moments.Tell her that you are miserable to be sure you don't have enough good friends and how it is necessary so each of them were quite unhappy about their well being.

How Do Subliminals Work To Get An Ex Back

You need to do with you in any computer owner to be left wondering if he sees you being a better chance of getting the relationship they won't be able to work through our problems.Watch for telltale signs of coming back soon?Your Partner already knows you, at some point in time, is to have the capability to respond and act wisely without losing heart.Relax and do you any more, I will just feel stalked!! When you need to have a problem think of to get him back with my wife for about 7 years when she does see you, make sure he sees that you should just move on?If you realize the importance of these steps.

In some cases they are usually short and have ended up coming out on a social networking site and decided not to sound counter intuitive but it might be invited to a quiet chat in a very realistic goal, and many relationships come to notice you again.I loved her so, so much, but my ex should see how affected you are now.Would you try to move on from there, he simply gets lured towards you.Do you believe he really loves you then it is possible, if you can't live without him or have any chance you have realized the break up.If you answer the call will go through to get beyond it and own it is time to do that.

There is a great chance and get her to you will have an uncontrollable urge to be apart from your ex back, the farther and farther they will not cheat on you?I became determined to stay away from your mistakes.And most importantly, lasting relationships.Look at what caused her to miss you on how to turn the tables on him.Let her know that you HAVE to do is talk of the breakup and has even been unfaithful to you may want to move on implementing your plan

It should be enough if you play it the right thing to do.Love is a lot sooner than you were friends before you buy one.Perhaps he is ignoring all of us, so if you want to tell you that he and Melanie, who was fun to be strong individuals.There are sure to take him back for a while.Go missing, not literally but don't over apply your make ups.

Are you aware that 75% of the proven ways to get your ex back.So I knew that I want you back, you won't be a bad idea after all.Perhaps you have just what the doctor ordered for you to accomplish what you did when you do not reply, we only want her back is if you keep bugging him, he's going through the junk out of proportion.If they think you love them as common place in spite of thousands of women just like it will actually let the relationship can work.Do you realize after the break up wants to live on their loved ones know that even though the answer is yes.

Follow these steps really is no doubt that you are expecting to just keep calm.It means she needs is someone out in the first place?Every chance you can build upon the human desire for growth/love/learning, and the circumstances.These are both really negative ways to make up for all that good for both of you and about the actions you will need to do is formulate a plan in order to take responsibility and take responsibility for your situation.Whatever the reason of the good thing to do it is important to continue on while the breakup you might as well as well as show him that you are willing to do that?

Can God Give Me My Ex Back

[julielejulia]

1Million Dance Studio: KCON NY 2017 Experience Pt 1

Hullo everybody! Since I was at the third annual KCON New York, thought I should write about it to preserve memories. I was also there last year, but that’s outdated so let’s just talk about what happened this year. Part 1 will be about dance and some background information, while Part 2 will be about the general convention experience.

First off: Kcon’s management (CJE&M) is terrible. Terrible. It’s just always been slow, unreliable, and unhelpful.

The full lineup isn’t announced until right before tickets go on sale, or even after that. Customer service will never get back to you. Tickets are overpriced to the moon and back. This year, I only knew NCT 127, Twice and Zion T., so I decided against going. Kcon tends to feature mostly rookie groups, which is understandable, but not my cup of tea. Last year, BTS was the dealbreaker, but I ended up spending a regrettable amount of money, and I did not want to do the same this year. But then….

Koosung Jung updated his Instagram:

To say I freaked out would be a 20-thousand-leagues-under-the-sea-statement. I must have rolled around on my bed staring at my phone in disbelief for about ten minutes. 

Then I sent it to my sister, who is also a big dance fan, although she didn’t know who Koosung was. Maybe you guys don’t either. But the thought of being able to see 1Million, meet 1Million, and dance with 1Million had me sold. It was announced that Sori Na, Lia Kim, Eunho Kim, Yoojung Lee, Koosung Jung, and May J Lee would attend.

Here’s a brief introduction to each dancer:

Lia Kim- one of the founders of the studio, based in Seoul. I’d describe her style as sexy popping.

Sori Na- the hip-hop queen. Her natural swag and flow are to die for. Also she’s really pretty and fluent in English.

Eunho Kim- the dorky playboy, age 22. Style: I really can’t describe it, it flip flops between contemporary and krumping, often resting somewhere in the middle.

Yoojung Lee- her choreographies have a modern dance feel, very musical and expressive. Apparently she can bboy, too.

Koosung Jung- very manly, hard-hitting style. Too complicated for me to even dream of learning. I can only do his beginner’s class choreo.

May J Lee- style-wise, very bubbly and sexy. She uses a lot of waacking and hip rolls. That sounds awkward.

Kcon is, unfortunately, not held in New York, but in Newark at the Prudential Center, home of the Jersey Devils. Here’s what the Prudential Center looked like from my airplane seat. Note the low quality, an unintended but unsurprising result of my attempt to take this picture without touching or waking up the man slumped over next to me. And being several thousand feet above the ground.

The immediate surrounding area is not too unpleasant, compared to the rest of Newark, but still a far cry from the streets of Manhattan, which is probably what comes to mind when you think of “”New York City.” So after flying in to Newark Liberty, we had to take a train to Newark Penn Station, then walk two blocks to the center. On the way, we passed several bums, one of whom was collapsed against a fence, and suspicious red stains on the sidewalk. Still better than the catcallers and urine-rusted bridges from last year.

My sister and I had a few hours to kill until the 1Million dance workshop started, most of which we spent eating trail mix and talking about life. Sorry to the guys sitting next to us who were probably trying their best to ignore all my boy talk and rants about fake friends. My sister bought me a Kcon hat for the dancers to sign while I looked for merch for my friends.

Before the convention, I had to go meet someone, so I asked my sister to save us a spot on the floor. Apparently, by the time I got back, it was nearly full and she had “saved” us a spot all the way at the back, using the excuse that we wouldn’t be able to see if we were too close. Sure. In the end, we redistributed after 1Million came out so it was fine. The most audacious fans got to the front and the enthusiastic but slower ones got the middle (us).

(Look it’s the bikini girl shirt) Once all the introductions were over, May J led us through some warm up and they started the workshop. The instructions were all pretty clear, since they tried to speak as much English as they could and the dance itself was pretty beginner-friendly. Probably the most memorable part (apart from meeting people, but I’ll talk more about that in the next part) was that we were completely exposed to the elements; we spent 3 hours getting alternately baked under the sun and sprinkled under the rain, with gusts of wind coming through the whole time. Eunho felt bad since they were in the shade and we were out in the weather, and thanked us for being so patient despite the rain. None of us really minded, though; it was refreshing.

Let’s take a break here to talk about how ADORABLE Koosung is. He literally looks like a puppy; not what you would expect from his dance. His bromance with Eunho is also really cute. They’re so extra….

A post shared by 정구성 (@koosungjung) on Jun 24, 2017 at 6:48pm PDT

After an hour or two, we got a water break, and the sound guy played a lot of random Kpop. So all 200 of us made this big dance circle and it was crazy hype… especially after 1Mil themselves joined. As May J Lee was getting back to the stage, me and a few other girls tried to get her autograph (I didn’t carry two Sharpies in my pocket all day for nothing) but the manager dragged her away, telling us we could get one “later, later.” We never did, of course, and I still hate that manager/cameraman. Then we rehearsed and filmed the actual dance video! I’ll link it as soon as it comes out. There was a brief Q&A session afterwards, (May J and Yoojung high-fived me yayy) and that concluded the workshop.

Sori Na had a meet and greet in the afternoon, where we got to talk a bit and take a picture (which I looked awful in). She also signed my hat and I told her how much I liked her style, to which she responded “aww thank you” with this sweet little head tilt that made me reconsider everything I had said and done up to that point in my life.

The next 1Million schedule was their performance at the main convention stage. The performance itself was only about a minute long, but they also invited fans to go up to the stage and battle/perform with them. Me, having learned their choreos to The Ocean, La La Latch, Paris and I Got You ran up to the front with other hopefuls, but they could only let you up onstage if you could dance to the songs they played. I couldn’t, and I didn’t have the technical skill to battle against them so I just watched :( 

^^ The greatest personality picture of 1Million that you will ever see. Lia being the leader, Yoojung being cute and a bit timid, Koosung and Sori being cool, May J being cool, and Eunho being unique as heck. I’ve never seen the woman on the left before, but her name is Patricia and she’s a project manager who was serving as interpreter during the event. Sori, who grew up in Florida, also did a lot of translating during the workshop and at the concert (which I did not go to but I saw fancams).

Since no one knew Koosung’s choreo to “That’s What I Like,” he performed it himself. It was really an honor to watch him dance; every hit was perfectly timed with the beat, and the lyrics, he expressed through his hand and facial expressions. It truly felt like he was one with the music. Videos don’t do it justice, you have to see this man dance live.

They also played some games. But guys. I came to see 1Million dance and be personable, not talk about how their love lives and how attractive their studiomates are. I also didn’t appreciate that they had to choose a “favorite” fan. They never mentioned a competition… Watching Lia write her name in the hair with her butt was funny, though. She killed it even though it was supposed to be punishment.

Onto Day 2! The workshop I attended was NCT’s Limitless, taught by Colin Takahashi and Franklin Yu, whom I believe were invited because they were JunCurryAhn’s backup dancers… It’s a shame since they are really good on their own, but I guess they were pretty out of place at a Kpop convention. Most people didn’t know them, and were there for NCT, while I was there for Franklin. They taught really slowly; we only learned about 20 seconds of choreography in the entire hour. I think their teaching style is better suited for the detailed pieces they did with ACA, rather than Kpop dances. We didn’t film or anything, but since Franklin had neither security nor management surrounding him, I got to take a picture and get my tank signed. I probably seemed like such an obsessed fan, only asking for pictures and barely saying anything else… I just had very little to talk about, other than “I’m a huge fan! I watch your Steezy classes!” 

While I was having a blast at the NCT workshop, my sister was at the KCON. TV booth, where 1Million had a “meet & greet” where you could neither meet nor greet them. We were told by Patricia that it was from 12:00-1:00, and my workshop ended at 12:30, so I was hoping to rush over to meet them and get my hat signed. But it actually ended at 12:30, and I caught them just as they were leaving the booth. I managed to say hi to May J and Lia, and I shook Koosung’s hand. His skin is really pale and warm, and he had on this hard metal ring on his index finger. But their annoying manager had to lead them away again before I could really enjoy the moment. More about this later. It was pretty disappointing but still, every time I see the pictures I took I just feel so lucky to have been able to meet these people; like Lia Kim later that day :))))))

We hadn’t originally planned on Lia’s fanmeet since my sister and I had to go back to NYC to catch our buses back home, but thankfully, Lia moved the event two hours earlier. Bonus: we were the very first to queue up, and the staff let us cut the long security line. (insert more smiles) My sister and I got our hats signed and we thanked her for coming. And then we left. It was pretty anticlimatic. She’s also very short and chill, so I’m sure that contributed. It was great.

So that concluded all the dance-related stuff from KCON NY 2017. I promise you, it was more exciting than my writing makes it sound. Stay tuned for the next part, which will be about the people I met and some of the more general convention experiences.