#thieve's guild

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[ladyofsnark]

Replaying Skyrim and going through the Thief Guild’s quest line and remembering how much I fucking hate it:

Like first of all, I’m sad your boyfriend died, Karliah. But I didn’t know the asshole and if the writers wanted me to care about this guy he needed to actually be a part of MY story. Like, just cut Karliah out of the story totally. Undead Gallus, it’s him Bryn and Mercer running the show. Make Gallus a lovable dude, like Kodlak or whatever. Then have him die IN GAME. Now we have motivation.

Making the Thief’s Guild, basically, a cult of Nocturnal ruins it for me. To me, when you’re trying to romanticize thieves, you go for the “freedom” angle. You don’t go “Yeah we’re making our own choices and living how we want to live and also selling our souls to a Daedric Prince--what do you mean those aren’t related?” In a whole game literally about a war started because some people don’t think someone else’s god exists, we couldn’t have just let the thieves be thieves?

Also, holy fuck does it make the whole guild look like some petty ass bitches. “Mercer stole from us.” “I have a solution!” “What’s that?” “We sell our souls, binding our afterlife to this stupid cave! That’ll teach him!”  “YES BRILLIANT”

And I know they had to bring Nocturnal in somewhere... so... just have us realize Mercer stole the pick and that’s why the guild’s cursed. Literally, fuck the whole Nightingale thing. If you wanted the Nightingales to be real then just... reward us with that armor? Have us find it? Have THAT be the thing that Mercer is trying to steal next? At this point in the game, I have like three fully furnished houses and more money than God. Let Mercer fuck off with the money, I’ll refill the fucking vault. Knowing how Beggars treat a single gold piece and how little money the wealthy of skyrim actually have in their houses, it’d probably not even be a third of my net worth. You start off the game cringing at every purchase, but I’ve officially reached the point where I buy out every shop’s potions just because I MIGHT need them. WE’RE GOOD GUYS! Maybe you can’t buy revenge, but we can buy enough drugs and booze to not give a fuck any more!

[sighed-the-snake]

The Paris Olympics insisting that athletes compete in the Seine is so absurd it feels like something Terry Pratchett would want to make fun of. Like can you imagine him writing a Discworld story about a mad Ankh-Moorpark city official deciding to put on some ancient extravagant game, creating havoc in the city by bringing in all these foreigners to compete, and insisting the Ankh river, which is so filthy it's basically solid, is perfectly fine to swim in, because that's what they did in ancient times so that's how they're going to do it now. I feel like it would be a Night's Watch story about the people hired to clean the river and all the friends and horrors they discover along the way.

Good luck to all the athletes swimming in the poop water.

[sppph-hail-sithis]

[trisexyual]

rb and respond with your top unromanceable video game character/s that you think should have been romanceable

[scrimmiestbingus]

I love the Skyrim guild questlines because nearly all of them are just "We're in our flop era"

[auphaniim]

*pokes* is the skyrim fandom still alive

[lydibug-art]

WIP | Finished version on my Patreon! 👀✨

[never-was-there]

entering riften, everyone's like thieves guild this, thieves guild that. then bryn himself is like... the group i represent........ mysterious........ we're so cool..... in the shadows....... you never heard us but we run this place btw.....

[nerevar-quote-and-star]

In English, we say, "Flirting."

In TES, we say, "Sorry lass . . . I've got important things to do. We'll speak another time."

[babyblueetbaemonster]

Damn

[lordoftablecloths]

thieves guild my beloved

[skyrim-forever]

Suspending my disbelief while reading a Brynjolf fic to believe that the Cistern doesn't smell like piss ✨✨✨

[elderscrollsconceptart]

"Statue of the Snow Prince" - Note the statues facial similarity to the "degenerated" appearance of Falmer as opposed to the traditionally handsome depiction we see of the Snow Prince statue in TES V.

Concept art for The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim

Art by Adam Adamowicz

[the-drunken-huntsman]

Guilds ranked by how much internal fucking is going on

10. Dawnguard: none of these people are fucking each other because Isran is weirdly up in everyone's business.

9. Dark Brotherhood: The only ones getting any action are Astrid and Arnbjorn and only because they're married

8. Theives Guild: surprisingly not a lot of sex going on in the sewers of Riften. The members DO fuck, just not each other

7. Companions: I debated where to put them but I feel like the younger ones (Athis, Torvar, Ria, Njada) are definitely all over each other

6. Imperial Legion: analog to the roman legion so you KNOW there's a ton of gay shit going on in there

5. Bards College: like the thieves guild they mostly fuck people outside the college but there is a lot of shit going down in the dorms

4. Stormcloaks: I feel like there's some weird eugenics shit going on with them

3. Volkihar clan: duh

2. Thalmor: definitely some weird eugenics shit going on with them

1. College of Winterhold: these wizards are fucking each other like you wouldn't believe

Purposely left off the blades and the greybeards because ew

[hermesserpent-stuff]

Lowkey like the idea of Gambit's thieves guild being Catholic. It vibes with the Frenchness and the Louisiananess. But it's that kind of catholic thats twisted up in local tails and ghosts and supernatural where the devil stands at crossroads and clever men can trick him with a pinch of luck and a willing saint

I also really like the idea of them being like the medici family where they are huge patrons to the church, with a vain hope that will absolve them of the many sins created to attain the wealth (the medici fam squad were bankers when it was considered a sin to lend and have people pay back money with interest; course they called it something else to be fine with God because tricking god through a very specific use of specific words is a game they played)

Also like the medici family; they look after some of the churches money and grows it.

Only the priest in confessional knows all of what they've done.

Is prayer and repayment to the church enough? Idk but I think it's freaking funny to think of Gambit, nightcrawler and daredevil going to mass together and participating in lint and ash Wednesday.