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monstersinthecosmos · 4 months ago

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Do you think Marius still loves Armand in the last books? Does he want Armand to return to him? Marius seemed to have left him in the past

The short answer is YEAH OF COUSRE HE LOVES ARMAND TO DEATH but let’s talk about this for a minute!

The question of whether or not Marius loves him is the easier one to answer. Armand is one of the great loves of Marius’s life! In the beginning of TVA (when he’s just spent however much time thinking Armand is dead) he’s a DISHEVELED MESS! And at the beginning of B&G he’s super lonely and isolated and seems worried about stuff he’s done recently and people in his life being mad at him. (Benji & Sybelle Incident? Something else?) I think when you look at a vampire like Marius, it’s remarkable that he makes it 2000 years only turning THREE fledglings (not counting when we get to B+S and Viktor bc that gets into like, vampire favors and isn’t really for himself LOL), vs a character like Lestat who made 3 fledglings in his first 11 years. These are the great loves of Marius’s life and not decisions he made lightly! And while I think we can (and have) sort of untangled selfish vs. selfless love in Marius’s life, I think it’s really important that 500 years later he couldn’t forgive Santino. Is that on his own behalf alone or on Armand’s? There’s a lot of unpack but! He loves Armand! He does!!!!!

But anyway on the topic of returning to each other;

I think their last conversation in BCtu sort of opens a door that they’re going to speak to each and work things out. Canonically, that’s all the information we get. We also never explicitly get information about like, what exactly is wrong between them presently. We know that

they had a big fight at the end of TVA but that they calmed down

Armand has been afraid of Marius because he's scared that Marius doesn't still love him like he used to

in ROA Marius said he had the savage & ignorant soul of a child.

I always assume there's just 500 years of tension and conversations they've avoided, but we also never get a confirmation that they HAVEN'T had these conversations off screen anyway. So canonically, all we know is that they just had a traumatic experience and want to talk to each other.

Also canonically, they’re making another attempt at Vampire Commune and we don’t have an answer of like, will it stick this time, will it dissolve like Night Island, is it sustainable AT ALL to have a small group of the elite making rules and holding dominion over an entire culture???????? Reader’s choice lol.

But it leaves a question of like, what does returning to each other look like in this setup—they’re in touch now, they can find each other, they have cell phones, Armand can come and go at the Château as needed, Marius has a room at Trinity Gate, etc. Their relationship is civil and functional at this point. And does “returning” mean to be exclusive companions and to fuck off? Will Marius leave Court? Will Armand come and stay more often? Idk !

These are questions that have 100 different answers because it’s all headcanon, but, what we know by the end of the series is that they’ve gone through something traumatic and Armand and Marius are going to talk to each other. What is that conversation about? What is the result? We don’t know. Armand is letting his FEELINGS THE FUCK OUT in this book as if he's had therapy, and Marius says he thinks Armand is ready to open his heart, if that gives us any clues! But does opening his heart mean "I am feeling vulnerable and brave to tell you how I feel because I almost lost you" or "I'm gonna read you the fuckin riot act because I did that to Lestat as well" ? lol Either way the thing here is that it's ARMAND'S decision and not about whether or not Marius left him in the past.

I think something that often goes overlooked in character discussions is their inherent inhumanity, and I really dislike the “thEyRe MonStErs” easy out of a lot of analyses, because it’s more than that. The entire purpose of the series and the reason the series was unique is that built a world where they’re MORE THAN. It’s not about simply being a monster—there’s nothing simple about it. And not being human doesn’t mean it’s all negative and all evil. What it means is that it’s Extra. They feel things on such a deeper level than we do, their brains function differently, and they’re immortal. They have all the time in the world to forgive each other when they want to, and they’re social creatures who want companions! The older you are, the scarier it is! It’s horror! Like even Marius’s relationship with Mael is so fucking special because like, as much as they put each other off, it’s like, someone they each still have, that’s been constant, and the world would look so different without them.

It just reminded me of this line in Six Feet Under (sorry I’m obsessed, I think everything always comes back to SFU for me LOL) but when Brenda says she used to think as she got older that she’d have more people in her life and that the opposite was true. So anyway for Marius like, regardless of if we want to get into selfish/selfless, Armand is one of the most important people in his life, and has been around for a quarter of Marius’s life, and nothing would be the same if Armand wasn’t around.

And without the distraction of The Parents in the modern age I wonder if he’s like especially fragile and traumatized about losing people? Is he still traumatized by losing Pandora? And losing Armand the first time? It’s great that they have cell phones and a community now so no one gets too far from each other, but gosh.

I don’t know what returning to each other looks like, as far as where canon left. Like, does the Château collapse? Is Daniel with them? Asking if Marius wants it is like, yeah maybe he would want Armand around Court more for moral support. And maybe if he decides to step away, and get space, maybe he would want Armand there with him as a safe place to land. When the Court inevitably collapses, will he want someone around?

In the past, Marius tended to isolate himself in times of stress; is he still like that? Has the loss of The Parents changed this for him? Will Daniel and Armand allow him to isolate? Idk ! !!!

But anyway sorry I’m rambling but my point about not being human and about being Extra is that there are a lot of parts in the series where vampires have a relationship or forgive each other even after they’ve deeply hurt each other or committed atrocities. Louis and Armand come to mind, so do Louis and Lestat, David and Lestat, Pandora and Santino. Even Marius calming down enough to be in his situationship with Avicus and sorta metamour to Mael. They are not human, they are capable of forgiveness. There are atrocities that humans are capable of never forgiving because we don’t have time to get over it. How can we even know how much time it takes to heal a grudge if we don’t live long enough to test it?

Even knowing that, 500 years still wasn’t enough to forgive Santino for what he did to them. Like sure if we wanna dunk on Marius and remind ourselves that he’s an arrogant self-centered jerk sometimes, and we could say that he’s mad at Santino for what he did to MARIUS—it’s not just the ego this time. He took Armand. He separated Marius and Armand. He destroyed their home. And even if they cooperated a few times in the 20th century, by the time B&G happens, he's been able to read TVA and knows what happened, what Santino did to him, what he did to the boys. (Like, did Marius read TVA? Did Armand ever tell him this privately? We don't know! But we do know that this is now been published for EVERYONE to read which is probably re-traumatizing for everyone involved and now everyone knows hajkgsdl)

So anyway, like. I know this has kinda been a non-answer because we’re talking about stuff that didn’t happen in canon and everything past BCtu is going to be our own headcanons. But I can say: Yes, Marius loves Armand deeply, and vampires are capable of incredible levels of empathy and forgiveness for each other, because their lives are too long and bleak and painful not to.

As to the idea that Marius left him in the past, personally I don’t agree!

Marius not rescuing Armand from the cult is often misunderstood in fandom, but I could see why someone would point to that as a clue that Marius has left him in the past. It’s not that simple, though. Marius is too injured to save him, doesn’t even know if he’s alive, and by the time he finally finds Armand he finds the cult situation too complicated to navigate. Don’t forget that Marius has pretty severe religious trauma, and is one of the characters who was turned against his will. By a cult!!! So to see Armand thriving with a cult is so triggering and disappointing, and I don’t think he’s strong enough to risk being rejected if he goes to rescue Armand only to learn he no longer wishes to be rescued.

I would say that’s very unlike leaving him in the past, it’s more like seeing him as another one that got away.

And then when they reunite in QOTD it’s during another extremely traumatic event in Marius’s life—we don’t know details about how everyone left Night Island or where everyone went, but what we DO know is that Marius lost The Parents—>Armand attempts suicide about a decade later—>Marius commits the big B+S Fuckup shortly after learning Armand is okay—>Marius fucks off to Scandinavia with Daniel to lick his wounds because everyone’s mad at him.

VC skips around a LOT, and there’s so much that we don’t learn about, so much that happens between books and off screen. Like, we don’t KNOW how Marius wound up with Daniel. We don’t know exactly how much longer he stuck around in New Orleans after TVA, we don’t know what he and Armand were gonna talk about in BCtu before the series ended. And that’s the enD oF IT THERE’S NOTHING ELSE!

Marius truly doesn’t leave anything in the past, that’s the thing about him.

He’s still traumatized by the way he was turned. He still tries to sculpt his identity around what his life was as a Roman. He committed to the burden of The Parents for 2000 years, even when he was overwhelmed and wished he could stop. He spends centuries painting Pandora’s face over and over and over when he can’t find her. He still thinks Mael is a bumbling redneck from the woods. He still wanted Santino killed, even when they’d been civil with each other in QOTD and up to TVA.

And in BCtu when he’s living at Court he’s like, trying to embrace himself, allowing himself to be a weirdo because he’s around his own kind now. HE QUITS PANTS, YOU KNOW WHAT? HE ALWAYS HATED PANTS, LET’S NOT.

I think even as humans there are so many things that shape us forever, that we never really move past. Even when we leave something in the past, it shapes us, it allows us to leave it in the past. People and events in our lives carve into us, whether we like it or not!!! And part of the horror of immortality is that it goes on, and on, and on, and on, your physical body gets hard and cold and monstrous, more and more uncanny, physically impervious, but their BRAINS AND HEARTS ARE STILL TENDER!!

So no, no, I really don’t think Marius ever left Armand in the past. I think he left him to the cult because he thought Armand wanted it, I also think he gave Armand space after a disastrous fuckup. When he goes to speak to him at the end, he says it like ARMAND is the one that’s ready. He’s waiting for Armand! Marius was there the whole time, ready to be called upon if someone needs him! He lives to serve!

Armand was his baby and one of the great loves of his life, the first (and only) fledgling he made because he truly wanted to. Marius loves him so much!!!

#it's 1am i guess ill go to sleep worrying about this #marius de romanus #armand #marius/armand #blood & gold #the vampire armand #blood communion #vampire chronicles #deep ass thoughts about vampires

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princeanxious · 3 months ago

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✨️Moondrop progress update #1✨️

Picture 1 desc/info: knowing that I'd want to make Moondrop once I finished Sundrop, I made sure that(when I remembered to, as I'm learning that i wasn't quite as 100% consistent as I hoped I was) to make traced out references of each finished carved piece so that I wouldn't waste time struggling matching both of their proportions, considering nearly every piece required a duplicate piece to help achieve the eventual 'hollow skeleton' method that I use. Also, this is what I mean when I state that theyre carved from popsicle sticks. If it works, it works. lol

Picture 2 desc/info: here's the full lineup of every carved piece I have ready for Moondrop so far, and roughly how it will fit together. Every arm piece, leg piece, and even knee joint and the head piece have a duplicate(sans for the detail on the head's piece, obviously, though the headpiece is more complex than that as well). To further expand on why I did this, instead of just having one piece each, I need to point out the arm, hand, and ankle joint pieces. They will not be connected in two places, only one, to achieve full range of movement for the limb that they are attached to.

To achieve this, whilst still trying to keep this project's weight light, I'll create a hollowed skeleton. Essentially where the insides of the limbs(and body) are made hollow via smaller pieces of wood/popsickle stick scraps glued in-between the base pieces, but leaving enough empty space on either side to add two things. One side will have a rolled cylinder of a reinforced cardboard/paper mache combo, to provide a hollowed slot for the long joint piece side to slot into, and the other side, two hollowed holes to slot a dowel through with the joint piece inbetween. (If this doesn't make sense, dw, I plan on taking pictures when I get to that stage to show how I do it)

I also just end up stuffing the remaining 'dead-space' between the carved pieces with paper before i add clay, to further sheer off any unnecessary internal weight. Now, what you couldn't see with my Sundrop, is that by the time I finished adding clay and test stringing him together and started looking at reference photos again for color references, I hadn't realized up until that point that I'd entirely forgotten to add the dca standard wire-hook on his back. Not even superficially. So this will be where project Moondrop(whom at least uses the wire far more than sundrop, lol) will deviate from my original Sundrop design. I might use paper and cardboard to flesh out his limb shapes further before adding clay to make his body even lighter than suns, I've reinforced his torso pieces to account for the hole I'll carve into the back for my goal of a Functional wire-hook, I've made adjustments to his thigh shape for better ease of movement/posability(which might coincidentally make him just a smidgen shorter than Sun by design, shhh) because sundrops leg slots and the actual part of the leg that's supposed to slot in ended up quite a bit out of alignment due to the leg shape lacking a taper at the top to allow for a rounder end. Sundrop's legs are just a little janky bc of it.

Picture 3 desc/info: this is a look at the inbetween stage that the hip piece goes through, and you'll find that it's not reinforced with wood anywhere simply because of the completely curved surface. There were attempts made with sundrop to do this but they proved to be way too hard to bother with and less than affective with just popsickle sticks. Hense I use cardboard from a soda can box(aka cardboard that's compact and can carry a heavy capacity if the design is balanced and re-attachment points are reinforced properly) and then have so far gone over certain points with paper and glue(using the papermache method) to base reinforce places and also provide more adhesable texture internally. Because, that round piece(also cardboard) is going to sit in the main juncture of the top of the hips. A hole will be cut into it to maintain the ability to string the limbs and body together, and it will be further reinforced further with paper and glue, and later covered in clay- along with the rest of the hips inside and out, thus entirely made smaller than intended to account for the eventual bulk up of the piece. This cover provides a supportive divot in the hips that the middle torso piece can sit in that will give it the range of movement intended but also aid it in allowing the body to sit up straight otherwise(something that was discovered to be needed when working on finetuning sundrop whilst test-stringing, adding yet more weight due to the fix having been made solidly out of clay. Probably provides more support to Sundrop this way, but Moon needs to be as light as possible to prevent stress cracks/damage/balance issues/ect. If I want him to be able to have a functional hook to be used to be displayed with.

On a less technical note, there isn't much to show in the skeleton stage for the middle torso piece bc it's just a hollow cylinder of cardboard, thin enough to escape the bulk, but wide enough to still be strung through. It's just a lil tube for Sundrops frame anyway lol. Though, tbf, I might bulk Moondrops middle with paper/cardboard/whatever I decide, for the, once again, lightweight intention. I use air dry clay but even still it do be solid af when dry and sealed lol

Off camera just inches out of shot of each picture is sundrop, whom has slowly become disrobed and carefully disassembled in places to give me size references for things, but also one of these updates I'll show you how I made his head/face/ ray settup- why? Because it broke. Cuz my dumbass should've used wire and not a wooden dowel to support it all. (Further more, I'm using it as an opportunity to eventually redo Suns rays, because when I did the first set, I went for accuracy in the ray count, but still wanted them to spin freely. But I realized I HATE the gap that's left anywhere if his rays arent perfectly positioned and honestly this mechanism breaking is my sign and chance to fix it now that the rays aren't locked in anymore lol.)

I've decided to give this progress update log the tag '#projectdcadoll' from now on, so any posts I make abt this in the future will have that tag!

And if anyone has any questions about any specifics of the project, I'll also answer them/respond to them under this tag, so please feel free to ask away! I'm excited to share this process with ya'll!

#projectdcadoll #dca fandom #fnaf security breach #dca fnaf #fnaf moon #no but fr when i realized i forgot Suns hook i just about flatlined in heartbreak. im still considering giving him an artificial looking-#-one to match moon but i wont be able to until moon's is done so i can actually make em match.#tbh sun is probably light enough for a real hook but not structurably stable enough where its needed to account for the stress of movement #my boggest challenge is gonna be finding a carabiner small enough for moons hook lol

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bugflies00 · 1 month ago

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i could start talking about fostering au ctnt and their respective relationship to their body and how it evolves and how they end up regularly getting into fights because their wants and needs are so complementary and yet drastically opposites and how at one point they realise that if they actually want to maintain a long term relationship they can't just live off the rollercoaster of fighting-making out with zero conflict resolution they have to actually be mature about it and perhaps talk to someone and it takes them ages because they may be in their late twenties but theyre just as stubborn and emotionally constipated as they were at 16 but in the end of course they do it because sure they'll never be normal they are not normal by any metric but you can't fuel a serious relationship with only rivalry you need to actually talk to each other and it's hard it's really hard obviously for fwilbur because he's shoved everything deep down for so long that the very prospect of someone wanting to talk things out or caring about his feeligns baffles him but its hard for fquackity too because he likes to pretend he's the "sensible" and "reasonable" one but he's just as much of a mess he's even more scared of showing vulnerability than wil is and he completely freaks out when he doesn't feel 100% in control and talking things out and showing your underbelly involves letting go of a bit of that control and its utterly terrifying but in the end they get through it because they push each other like no one else can and most of the time that means they're a murder risk for each other but it also means that their ability to make the other worse is only equal to their ability to push the other to be better because they know exactly how to play each other's buttons and once they actually man up and grow up and decide to use that bone-deep comprehension of each other to at least try to have a semi-functional relationship it turns out to be the best thing they ever did. Or whatever . But like i wouldn't talk about that cause im normal

#alex.rambles.txt #c!tntduo #mcyt #the fostering au

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lesbiandarvey · 8 months ago

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she's so patronising to him though like a relationship like that would be so annoying. he doesn't need to be told what he feels and what to do about it every day. they're fine as besties but he doesn't want more

two questions: genuinely, im not trying to be snippy at all, is this in reference to something ive said? i checked my recent postings i couldn’t find anything?? and second, um you didn’t specify who you’re talking about .. im guessing donna and harvey on usa legal drama suits? im just gonna answer to the best of my ability, as if this is about donnaharvey which im like 90% sure it is?? okay

i mean, respectfully, i would certainly push back on the idea she “tells him what to do” cus she’s certainly his emotional intelligence like she tells him what hes thinking—or at least her interpretation of what he’s thinking. theres certainly evidence of that, the scene that comes to mind is its in late s3, and mike wants to leave to take the finance job, and harvey snaps at scottie, and donna (very gently) reprimands him for it, and she tells him he’s hurt not angry “you’re hurt and the anger covers the hurt, but i know you didn’t know that.” she definitely provides him with insight into his emotions, but in a way i would argue any friend would.

there’s also a scene from season 2(?) i think, where donna is trying to get harvey to pursue scottie and she tells him to his face “i know your mother hurt you but you need to get over it” or, in other words “sorry about your mommy issues but you need to grow the fuck up.” and again i think thats a perfectly reasonable thing to say as a friend to your friend—she sees him hurting and lonely and she can do something about it, all she needs to do is encourage him to seek out a relationship with a woman who loves him, i think that’s perfectly acceptable.

i really dont see how its patronizing in any way? i mean there are certainly a couple jokes like “men are so stupid lol” but nothing that has really stood out to me as anything different than 2010s network drama gender politics, and so few and far between i cant think of any specific instances off the top of my head.

second of all, to the best of my knowledge (having seen up to 6x05 atp), that all stops when he starts going to therapy. i cant think of a single instance after season 5 when she tells him what hes feeling (i mean maybe she does in seasons 7, 8 + 9 but i haven’t seen it so i cant say lol)

but from what ive seen, her telling him his emotions stops when he starts receiving therapy with a trained professional. and thats just healthy! yknow he no longer needs to be told what hes thinking because he’s learning more about himself and his reaction to trauma and how to be a more functionally stable adult. and after that is the only way he can keep and maintain a meaningful, productive relationship.

also, not to be crass but i 100% think harvey goes face down ass up when someone tells him what to do (especially if its mike or donna or jessica)

finally i do fully respectfully disagree that “theyre good as besties but he doesn’t want more” first of all, i think you might be confusing his repression and inability to parse his love for donna as a woman and his love for donna as a friend, as a lack of attraction. i think a) hes very repressed and messed up from his childhood so like, he can fuck people but loving people is a whole other story and b) he absolutely loves her as a friend, and i think he’s just boxed up his attraction and affection for her since they moved to pearson hardman 10(?) years ago.

second of all, gabriel macht and sarah rafferty you can tell has SOOOOO much fun together and they have so much chemistry, so i distrust any interpretation of donna and harvey that doesn’t think they wanna fuck each others brains out

what was i talking about? i dont think i have a closing statement, i just think donna and harvey’s relationship re:her telling him what to do is completely legitimate and follows a natural progression of two people trying to be healthy adults

#this is like 700 words .. anyway thank you anon! i genuinly enjoy things like this as an intellectual excercise #amanda.mail #suitsposting

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sexhaver · 1 year ago

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one of my favorite parts about MTG is how much wording matters, like you're making a deal with the fae folk. for example, look at this old-ass card:

the official Oracle text of this card reads as follows:

"Counter target instant spell if it's blue. Draw a card at the beginning of the next turn's upkeep."

those of you not well-versed in the intricacies of MTG rules jargon (i.e. normal people) might think of this as unnecessarily wordy. after all, wouldn't the following wording be shorter while keeping the same functionality?

"Counter target blue instant spell and draw a card at the beginning of the next turn's upkeep."

Wrong. You idiot. You absolute fucking oaf. You have just made the card objectively worse.

the first half has to stay the same because the actual wording allows you to target any instant spell (even nonblue ones), whereas the revised wording requires the spell to be blue as you cast Burnout. this means two things, one of which is pretty much irrelevant:

the wordings interact differently with spells/effects that change the color of a spell on the stack. with the actual wording, you could target a nonblue spell, then hold priority and respond to yourself by making the spell blue. with the revised wording, you would need to cast and resolve the effect turning the spell-to-be-countered blue before casting Burnout. this is completely and totally irrelevant because there are maybe 15 cards ever printed that change the color of a spell being cast, and the only one of them that doesn't suck ass is only usable as half of a two-card instant-win combo (Painter's Servant + Grinding Wheel)

you can cast the current wording targeting a spell that is not blue, it just won't be countered when Burnout resolves. the revised wording would make Burnout literally unplayable until your opponent casts a blue spell, which theyre not even guaranteed to have in their deck in the first place. i know this is kind of a subset of the last point but it bears repeating independent of the color-changing shit: the current wording lets you cast Burnout in response to ANY instant, not just blue ones

the second half has to remain as its own separate sentence because if it didn't, you wouldn't draw a card if the first half of the spell doesn't do anything (i.e. you targeted a nonblue instant). this one is kind of annoying to explain with counterspells so i'll use creature/damage spells for example

Sorin's Thirst says "deal 2 damage to target creature and you gain 2 life." with this wording, if the creature you target has become an illegal target by the time the spell resolves (usually by being sacrificed, bounced, or given hexproof), the entire effect is countered and you don't gain 2 life.

the Explosion half of Expansion//Explosion reads "deal X damage to any target. Target player draws X cards." in this case, if the target of the damage is illegal/gone by the time the spell resolves, the card draw part of the effect doesn't give a shit because it's separated by a period. by God you paid good mana for that card draw and with God as your witness you're drawing those X cards whether you hit something for X damage or not.

with Burnout, this means that if the "draw a card" part was lumped into the same sentence as "counter target instant spell if it's blue", you wouldn't draw a card if the spell you target isn't blue. which sounds stupid until you remember that not every deck plays blue* and it's possible for this to be a completely dead card. the current wording allows you to effectively cycle it for something more useful by targeting any spell (even your own!) with Burnout, letting it resolve without countering anything and still getting the "draw on next upkeep" effect. if the rules text was all one sentence, all this would accomplish is wasting 2 mana and a card. this has been your morning MTG Autism Post, thank you for tuning in

*in practice, since this card is only legal in Vintage, Legacy, and Commander, you are actually 100% guaranteed to have someone playing blue at the table. the problem then becomes that this card kind of just sucks even with the lenient wording letting you cycle it with the slowtrip

EDIT: as pointed out in the replies, if you somehow manage to actually fizzle Burnout by removing the targeted instant from the stack entirely before Burnout resolves, you will not draw the card since the card draw is not targeted, and spells fizzle when ALL of their targets are illegal upon resolution. the examples above still hold true, though: since the card draw of Explosion requires you to target a player (usually yourself), the cards still get drawn regardless of whether or not the damage goes through

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in-collection · 1 year ago

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hi! so i have a standard pdf on my hands right now (yknow one thats one page per "paper" and you scroll through) but i want to print it out and bind it. i was wondering how i would format it or what options i should press on the printer for it to be like a standard a4 print and able to be signatured. or if theyre not options i can simply press: how would i change the layout and format? thank you in advance!!

Hi! I love me some asks. So, just to make sure I understood the situation, you have a page-per-page PDF (single page per single page) you want to print and bind in signatures. And it is not a double spread PDF. (and, because I wondered at first, it is also not a PDF from this here collection (I got scared at first thinking I gave page per page pdfs somewhere lol).) Let's see if I can help you with that.

So as it turns out I don't actually know much about this because I've always worked with my own InDesign files, meaning when I printed signatures I'd just export a double spread PDF, and so I've never had to make signatures from a page per page. But after some research I can give you 3 options:

The booklet function and how to make it your bff

Cannibalize your PDF to make a double spread PDF

Give up (on the signatures, and bind it another way)

1. The booklet function

Most PDF viewer have one. For example I opened one of my PDFs in Adobe Acrobat Reader: the function is there, and it looks like it should work with a page per page PDF to make proper signatures out of it, but since I've never had to use it, I can't tell you precisely what to do with it. I can advise this much: TEST PRINTS!!! Make that thing your best friend by test printing with it a thousand times over until you're sure. You can use a PDF splitter to get just the first 4 pages of your PDF and make those go through the booklet function until you've figured out all the right parameters, etc. There are probably online tutorials, too. Accessorily, you can also split your PDF into the different signatures, it might make it easier as a whole when you make the final print.

2. Cannibalism

Honestly, this solution is for barbarians, but I'm including it because it sure would work and, well, if I was in your position, it's what I would have done (if the PDF was under 100 pages). The big idea here is to turn the page per page PDF into a double spread PDF by opening it in any software that lets you move it around like a jpeg, manually sticking each page next to the right one, and exporting it into a new PDF. And you can even make the signatures manually while you're at it (but you should also probably do that in InDesign, and it has an inbuilt booklet function, so no need for the recipe for disaster that is making the signatures manually). Not recommended unless you're a purist, a maniac, or a masochist. Do not do that. Go back to #1. Help yourself.

3. Give up

...on the signatures. I don't think the booklet function is that hard to master, but just to give you more options, there absolutely are ways to print and bind a page per page PDF without signatures. Here are a few:

Japanese binding: with thread, beautiful, will work no matter how many pages you have, however it does not open flat (at ALL) and if you have text/images close to the inside margin the binding will eat it all up.

Perfect binding: with glue, very common binding. You'll see it on most paperbacks, everywhere. When it's clean, it's really nice, however, while it's easy to make a perfect binding, it's hard to make a clean one yourself. Also can't be done if you have less than? 20? pages, doesn't open flat, eats the inside margin (but way less than a japanese binding).

Whatever this is called: with thread, can be nice… on very specific occasions. Opens flat and looks cool, NOT recommended if you have thin paper and/or a lot of pages.

So many things. Thread. Tape. Side staples. Spirals. Screws and bolts, if you're going for in industrial look. Don't let any loser tell you that staples or spirals or any of those can't be sexy in the right conditions.

#ask #bookbinding tutorial #hopefully that helps!#blog

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rigelmejo · 5 months ago

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In unrelated language stuff. Japanese really is... a mountain. Its a language I try a lot of studying experiments with, for one because its going to be many more years of study so I'm having fun, but also 2 because it has so many hurdles i personally have difficulty with so I am always hopeful some experiment will help things I study click better.

Like. Conjugation was hard to me in french, and there were english cognates to lean on, it is a fairly regular language conjugation wise (japanese has more exceptions i tend to forget how to conjugate). Then in japanese, everything being a very different word order combined with the information dense conjugation makes me even more confused.

A few things worked quite well for me in japanese study. One was nukemarines LLJ memrise decks, which after 2 years of studying other things, i crammed in 6 months and went from 300 words known from Genki and maybe 100 hanzi from Heisig RTK (yes i really didnt learn much in 2 years) to 1000-2000 words recognized and basic grammar and able to read Yatsubo and play Kingdom Hearts 2 in japanese (granted i know the game very well in english). Ever since then, ive been able to read manga and look words up to learn, or follow roughly a lets play of a game i know. I can never focus on anki long, but i recognize its use, especially when i was using the LLJ deck which had hanzi, common words in sentenced, and grammar. Since then, i havent used as organized of a resource. So i squander a lot more time, trying to figure out what to study.

Then I did Clozemaster sincerely for a couple months once in japanese. I think i only got through like 1000 cards. But it FINALLY helped me understand stuff like されるられる word endings. Tragically, i forgot what they mean. But forca solid 6 months after my rime with Clozemaster cramming, i finally understood a lot of the grammar that had been confusing me. I desperately need to refresh that knowledge (if anyone has any good quock grammar explanation notes theyve seen). I only remember teimasu is like "ing" doing verb ending in english.

And I did japaneseaudiolessons, and the old glossika cd lessons, on and off. And each time i use audio for a while, i do make good progress. I seem to learn very well from audio. In particular, hearing so much japanese FINALLY got me used to the word order. So i struggle much less to follow sentences. Whereas before the massive listening practice, i would often lose the object or subject by the time i heard the verb. So i could not figure sentences out before, unless they were written, since id forget so much while trying to keep track of which word was which function. Lots of listening to audio lessons really helps me get into this rythm of intuitively knowing the order of the words and remembering the grammar through the whole sentence. Thats partly why i keep trying to study with more audio: its rhe biggest leap in terms of being able to understand japanese more instantly, to comprehend AS i hear or AS i read later (after audio study). I just cannot find another way to get my brain to internalize the word order, except LOTS of listening. The audio lessons have helped my reading skills SO much, all of my japanese listening skills so much, because now when i see eords i know i can comprehend what theyre doing in the sentence without thinking about it. And if i hear unknown words i can tell immediately if theyre subject object adjective verb time or a helper word like very/suddenly. I do plan to switch to reading study next, once I feel my vocabulary is solidly more than 2000 words (ideally 3000-5000 but lol im not sure ill find audio lessons that truly teach that much).

So yeah. Im studying japanese and chinese, on and off, as usual. And its always funny and frustrating when it hits just how much more I understand chinese. I took a 6 month ish break from studying ANY language. So ive been listening to audio lessons to review things i knew before, in Chinese and Japanese right now.

In chinese, i listened to maybe 4 hours of audio lessons review, and 2 hours of SCI mystery audiobook (i did not follow too much but hearing so many words helped jog my memory). Its been a week since starting review. Now? Well first of all, if i look at a chinese webnovel the READING skill comes back within 1 chapter and comes back before i eben did any purposeful reviews this past week. My reading skills in all languages seem to break down/be forgotten/get rusty the least. Second: now that I've reviewed for a week, I can understand almost all words in The Untamed (and the eordw i dont know i have been quickly google translatkng just to realize ITS WORDS I KNEW I JUST FORGOT THEM. Like 鬼 i cant believe i forgot gui its one of the first words i learned! Its in a lot of stuff i read and watch lol! Or 放手 i really forgot fangshou existed, i swear my brain just held onto hanzi as images fine but when i just HEAR a word i dont recognize it until i review it again... hence why SO much listening stuff im doing right now). I listened to 默读 audio drama last night and for the first 20 minutes i followed everything. I would guess i know at least 90% of the words (if i havent forgotten some - as with 镇魂 i knew over 95% of the words 8n most chapters right before i took my 6 month study break, and i also could read modu extensively at that point and get the main idea... since i knew thw english translation to guess bits). To be fair? With the audio drama, i did have the aid of knowing the plot already. But ive known modus plot a LONG time, and in the past i struggled to follow the audiodrama anyway, because compared to the audiobook it had less details forcme to use as a crutch to figure out what scene i was hearing. So me listening to rhe audio Drama yesterday, and following so much? Great. Ive also been listening to the mdzs audiobook, which has been brain frying as i started a week ago before realizing i needed to review the sounds of words lol. But also brain frying because the opening monologue words confuse me In Text form, so in audio form it took me 4 listens to realize they were saying the jiang jin nie lan clans fought wei wuxian etc etc. I heard meng and just completely forgot it meant clan, so my brain kept doing things like "is Xmeng a word i know?" It took me 2 listens to realize the next part was Wei Wuxian in mo manor, and 4 listens to realize mojia was MO FAMILY because id been going "mojia sounds familiar, do i know that word?" The last few listens lol. I also forgot fuchou! How! Anyway. Its an accomplishment. I have never had as much success listening to a BRAND NEW audiobook in chinese of something i havent read before, and been able to understand this much. Its not a lot, im just grasping a lot of phrases and the main scene ideas. And i do have my knowledge of The Untamed plot to help me guess. But its going better than listening to audiobooks used to go. And i see a Huge improvement in dialogue. When people talk now (except the guy who tells exposition stories), i find those words are easiest to recognize and quickly remember again. I think part of it is just: dialogue tends to be more direct communication of ideas, whereas descriptive narration can get creatively phrased and meander and discuss details in phrases i havent heard as much as ive heard conversational phrases. Like when i listened to SCI audiobook last weekend, i could follow some of the dialogue portions great, like at crime scenes, arguing, with their boss, it was the descriptions in between where id get lost for a while.

Its just sort of frustrating and sad how much stusying japanese is like hitting a brick wall and learning tiny chip by tiny chip as it wears gradually, and also grateful my mind clicked with chinese because im so over the moon i did NOT have to struggle as much with chinese. For chinese i thankfully could pretty much do exactly what i did when learning to read french, and i improved on that old study plan, and as a result chinese improvement went by faster than when i initially studied french and floundered for a while. I was reading priest novels by the end of year 1 of study (with a click translator like Pleco). The study plan was simple, worked fine. The confusing parts of grammar clicked with enough reading (after maybe 100 chapters of things), and now (likecwith french) my main grammar issues with chinese are learning to produce them right in speaking and writing. But in reading it just clicks and i know what it means immediately. I dream of the day ill finally get whats going on with japanese verbs and grammar ;-;

#rant #progress #mostly im just. ahhhhh im back to listening to chinese and its a reassurance i DO know how to study #but wowza does japanese study feel like i am in the dark chipping away at walls

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the80srewinders · 7 months ago

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Debunking Systemscringe

(I know its gonna be hard, especially with how contradictory they are, but this has to be done, and someone's gotta do it.)

Systemscringe: "You can't have other disorders and have DID/OSDD!"

Actually, you can, and its very common because of DID/OSDD developing from early childhood trauma. Personality disorders are also posttraumatic, and many people with DID have them. The most common co morbid disorder (besides ptsd) with DID/OSDD is borderline personality disorder. This is kind of expected because bpd and DID/OSDD are somewhat similar according to the theory of structural dissociation. People with DID/OSDD also are often born neurodivergent, usually autism and adhd, but because children with intellectual disability get abused (usually sexual abuse) at a high rate yet slip under the cracks in psychology and abuse awareness, theres definitely many people with intellectual disability and DID/OSDD studies havent acknowledged yet. People with DID/OSDD also have physical health issues caused by stress, some have more of these than others. For example, we have a weak immune system and digestive issues caused by stress. If someone says they have DID and then also lists a disorder salad, it might be true.

Systemscringe: "You can't have fictives/be fictive heavy!"

Yes, people with DID have been shown in a few case studies to have fictives. Science actually proves its possible. How DID/OSDD develop is proof enough fictives are possible; DID/OSDD develop from disorganized attachment (usually caused by abuse, always caused by trauma) the child needs comfort figures in times of trauma and stress, so if the child is into any media (especially if the child has autism) then that child will more than likely develop a fictive. Same applies to factives of celebrities and friends or positive family. If the DID/OSDD system is autistic, their chance of being fictive heavy is high because autistic people often engross themselves in fiction and thats where theyll find comfort in, thus developing fictives under stress or trauma.

Systemscringe: "Littles aren't supposed to be treated like children because youre all different parts of one person."

Littles function on the level of a child and often have the internal appearance of a child. They are often trauma holders of what happened to the body around that age, stuck in trauma time parts with that probably explaining their age, and often are just like actual children. They can get triggered by mature topics especially when theyre trauma holders of sexual or severe verbal abuse trauma and have the mental functioning of a child. Treat littles like children not because theyre "innocent little trauma free parts that need to stay clean uwu" but because they probably hold trauma and are on the level of a small child. You wouldn't trigger a singlet child who just got called a slur, its the same thing.

Systemscringe: "You can't have 100+ alters!"

Uhm, we're standing right here? We have 100+ alters. Its not something we enjoy, especially me the host, I am working toward integration of the alters who agreed to it. Us systems with 100+ alters often have more fragments than defined full fledged "personalities" because alters require enough life experience and fronting to develop a full fledged identity. Systems with 100+ alters usually went through trauma that was too severe for them or continuously traumatized even into adulthood. There's documented cases of 100+ alters. RAMCOA survivors with DID tend to have 100+ alters. Which leads me to my next systemscringe myth...

Systemscringe: "RAMCOA isn't real!"

Again, we're standing right here? RAMCOA is real. It's not the satanic panic shit. RAMCOA is a term for ritual/religious abuse, mind control and organized abuse. All three of these have broad meanings, which means RAMCOA is more common than you think and many people have been through RAMCOA that don't consider it such because they only know misinformation and stereotypes about it. Being verbally abused or shamed frequently by the church is religious abuse, being forced to conform to a cult (satanic ritual abuse and sexual abuse by a cult not included) can be ritual abuse and being abused by one or more teachers and principals at an elementary school is organized abuse for example. RAMCOA isn't always the dramatic sacrifices and being sold from stranger to stranger without knowing your own parents. We're survivors of domestic sex trafficking; the body was sexually abused for the sexual abuser's drug money and there was more than one person involved besides the only one who sexually abused and programmed us. The abuser lived with us. A lot of people haven't heard of domestic sex trafficking because society is so focused on the child sex trade and children being kidnapped and sold to sex trafficking rings. Survivors like us fall into the cracks. I could and will write a different post on RAMCOA since we're a survivor of it and have a lot to say about it but I'll keep it at that for now.

Systemscringe: "You can't have dyed hair and listen to alt/emo/indie and dress like an eboy or you're faking!"

How someone dresses doesn't mean they're faking. We wear wigs, fake hair clips, and even use temporary dye on our hair, we listen to almost exclusively classic rock from the 70s and 80s (including the "emo" bands like Depeche Mode and The Cure) and different alters have different styles. We don't exactly fall into the eboy or egirl aesthetic but some of us come close. We're definitely not faking. We have a professional diagnosis that has been validated by every psychologist we've seen since diagnosis, and the differences that show DID are there in our brain scans. We've even had the brain waves associated with dissociation spotted on an EEG before we even knew what DID was or that we have it. Dissociation actually is associated with different brain waves and I can find the study about it.

There's more myths they've made, but I'll leave it at that for now.

#dissociative identity disorder #actually dissociative #other specified dissociative disorder #osddid #syscourse #endo neutral #maybe anti endo #systemscringe

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bonesandthebees · 2 years ago

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hi sorry just speaking up on account of fun personal knowledge regarding the ask sayinng ypu should get a typewriter and your tags on said post . my personal favorite beginner level typewriters are smith-coronas, theyre user-friendly and relatively easy to maintain in my eyes. id honestly recommend looking for an electric rather than a manual for your first typewriter - its very different from writing on a modern day computer keyboard, and electrics do a relatively good job of easing you in . the keyboards are more similar to your blocky, 90s-tech keyboards you see out in the wild . my first electric was a smith-corona coronet super12 and honestly its one of the best typewriters i own; the quality is stellar, shes comfortable with me, she actually Likes Being Typed on .

manual typewriters are beasts. theyre often angry if you are not the owner theyve always known (speaking of this - a good place to look for typewriters are estate sales . usually you're lookjng at 20-50usd for a functional typewriter at an estate sale, compared to 100+ at an antique shop or online). but yes manual typewriters are angry creatures . they fight you on everything. my first manual was a hermes3000 in a light powder blue and honestly this typewriter does not like me i think. most typewriters you find out in the wild are going to need a little work - new ribbon, a nice deep clean - but will be relatively functional (esp, again, at estate sales. ppl dont usually keep broken shit). manuals are fussy and will probably want a little more out of you . my hermes needs a full realignment and more than a few of the keys stick . not optimal for your first typewriter .

most importantly - and something they dont tell you when you first start using typewriters, cough - manuals take A LOT OF FORCE TO PRESS THE KEYS. more than you are expecting. it is not like your hp or your mac or dell or alienware or whatever - you have to WORK to type on a manual. i was typing with just my index fingers for the first few months i owned my hermes because i physically couldn't 1) get a feel for the keyboard and 2) press down on the keys comfortably with my other fingers. it hurt after a little while .

that being said, owning a manual is an extremely fun little knickknack to show off. double points if its functional and you actually put it to some use . typewriters are one of those things that get better the more you use them ; you kind of have to break them in, and more use means theyre easier to work with. electrics are similar but are often more forgiving . all this to say that a manual is worth it if youre willing to make the commitment. theyre fun to use . make you feel like a 1940s office worker .

as far as actually writing goes, all manuals and early electrics are not going to have any sort of backspace functionality. honestly i think its rlly helped with being deliberate about what words im using. you can get correction tape (obviously) but it feels a little bit different . i think it helps with just getting ideas onto paper concisely .

no matter what kind of typewriter you get (if any at all) the most important thing is going to be the user manual, whether you actually have the original paper copy or a scanned version youve found online. understanding your typewriter is like reading a recipe. its important to know what each button does and how to use it . if you grew up learning typing on a computer you do not know how to use a typewriter ; youll be able to type but probably not much more . instructions are your best friend . your typewriter is an animal .

typewriters need a little more love in the world . i highly recommend looking around at garage sales, estate sales, thrift stores if youre interested in owning or using one, theyre honestly such an efficient and modernly-under-appreciated piece of technology that really revolutionized the world . thanks for allowing me to ramble i hope this isnt too unwanted

oh this is so informational thank you!! I know next to nothing about typewriters except what they look like and that they make the nice clicky noises. I don't know if I'll ever get one, but if I do it's not gonna be for a few years just because money + I'd wanna set that up and have a nice space for it once I'm living in my own place, and atm I'm still in the 'post college graduate living with parents' phase of my life.

that's really good to know about electric vs manual typewriters though!! I'd probably get an electric for my first one because I rely so heavily on my typing speed. typing stuff on my laptop is muscle memory at this point so I'd be very annoyed if my typing was super heavily impaired on a typewriter. I do know the manual ones take a lot more effort to push down. I've encountered them at antique stores before and have tried to type a tiny bit and it's definitely a challenge

this wasn't unwanted at all it was super helpful!! I love the way you talk about typewriters too. I can definitely imagine that manual ones are like beasts you have to figure out how to work with lol. I'm gonna be saving this as a reference note for if I eventually start looking into getting one for myself

#ask #teethkid67 #typewriters #reference

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seafoam-taide · 3 months ago

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me when i love music

look thru jhariah trust ceremony if a requirement for roadtrip music is 'good for singing out loud' bc WOOOW JHARIAH <33 i mean his other songs are awesome too im just not over trust ceremony yet

dream puzzles. either album. favorites for driving are bound high aquapet sunset if u only knew mr nutz & third eye botfly

femtanyl is good if again if youre a 'i need to sing until i hurt my voice' bc i love screaming when im the only one in the car <33

lemon demon the too much song. im sure there are many other good lemon demon songs i just really like that one right now and lemon demon is well known so thats all ill say

burn him down! by kitsch club is good idk what else to say its good. a lot of my driving related recommendations are going to be any song that i like singing along to

the oh hellos. any of them. zephyrus is my favorite album but the ones i have in my driving playlist right now are notos on the mountain tall and hieroglyphs. but theyre all awesome to me. and if i tried to list every 'good' one id double the size of this post

on a similar note! the crane wives. crane wives oh hellos like two sides of a coin to me. ones in my playlist right now are take me to war the well bitter medicine strangler fig and shallow river.

im just going to list a bunch of songs that are kind of similar in function for me so if you dont like one avoid the rest ??? i guess: modest by gupi false awakening by gupi mememe by 100 gecs ferrari by alice gas space by alice gas imaginary friend by absrdst spiralcourse by gupi japan by yot club. technically femtanyl belongs here too but i didnt think of that. a lot of . i do not know genre names. a lot of whatever this type of song is i like for driving because if a song isnt frantic enough i am at real genuine i am not kidding risk to fall asleep at the wheel ahaha...

ahhh screw it ajj . brave as a noun rejoice and children of god are the ones i have in my playlist but also self esteem evil who are you? terrifyer bad bad things i love ajj forever and ever

i dont have any specific ones but florence + the machine is good sometimes i use that for driving

if you like freaky instrumental music nero's day at disneyland is awesome eulogy for nick galvas is my number one forever favorite

porter robinson is good of course. obviously. however maybe not optimal roadtrip music bc long instrumental sections and occasionally slow and heartfelt which is AWESOME but it does make me pass out sometimes. writing this is making me think maybe i need to reconsider how safe it is for me to drive long distances um anyway

i can kind of just keep suggesting music forever but i dont actually know if these are useful roadtrip specific suggestions so ill just stop and. if you want me to keep doing this message me ??? ghjhdfjhgmh ohhh but also look at casio dad he's not with us anymore <- album good songs for screaming

Any suggestions for songs to put on a road trip Playlist? Roadtrips gonna be 4-5 hours long and i only have 10 songs so far

#okay goodbye. sorry for one million words that may or may not be helpful

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ohbae-me · 4 years ago

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okay so, im about to go ham because i truly stand strong in my shoujo fantasy.

In my opinion, im pretty sure (like 89%) lucifer tells us that whenever mammon breaks off a relationship with someone, they go broke completely after. so hes had previous relationships before, as for the rest of the boys, im pretty sure lucifer has, but nothing serious, he wont let anyone in, MC is literally the only person who has pushed past his walls and seen him for more than pride. satan, 100% he has never had a relationship, levi, has had a couple of fwbs and other relationships but they always fizzle out, never lasting. asmo has never had a serious relationship, always just flings. belphie never had a serious relationship and same with beel. i truly believe MC is their first true loves, i know what youre thinking "theyve been alive for so long, theres no way someone couldnt have been special to them" but the thing is, theyre so different with MC; their entire dynamic and relationships changed with MC, MC saw them for more than their sin and got to know them to their very core, while yes the other relationships never lasted, thats not to say the boys didnt love them; but just not in the way they love MC. i believe MC to be a true love, not just a love, the difference for me is all of the boys would gladly give up chasing MC once she finds herself happy with another brother, instead of forcing them to choose yk? the "as long as youre happy, it kills me everytime i look at you smile at him, but i love you too much to let you be miserable with me" and i dont think any of them have experienced. also, with the whole "new relationship" thing, the honey moon phase, while yes every couple has it, i feel like with MC it would just, last. not to say they wouldnt have fights; ofc they would, but its different with MC, everyday the brothers would wake up and chose the option to love and fall in love all over again, speaking further on that, i dont think any of them would truly get over MC. and i mean that; (i dont think MC is going to die, obey me devs have something planned LOL, plus theyre super powerful, like the other anon said i dont think theyd be able to really function without them, even if they do "get over" mcs death at some point.) after MC dies i feel like the family dynamic wouldnt be the same, the brothers would get quieter and would never truly forget about it? and every relationship would fail because theyre not MC (you dont have to agree but i love reverse harems), like i 100% hc that after MC chooses another brother or after they die, mammon would try and try to find new flings, even after its been decades mammon finds someone whos super similar to MC, their look, personality, etc, but one wrong move and theyre out. (say MC doesnt like pickles, but the replacement for MC does, he would immediately start crying and call mc a stupid human who he shouldnt have fallen for.) anyways in conclusion, i truly dont think MC would ever die canonically in the obey me game, the devs are sneaky (love you devs), but even if they would, i really feel like they would never get truly over it. some part of me truly believes that the brothers would go back to being distant, how they were before. they would sit at the table and eat in silence, asmo would begin partying ten times harder (since we already know he uses his ego to cover up his major insecurity of people not liking him and how he feels about himself) and the brothers would become even more indugled in their sin. also, for every relationship they would have, they would just compare them to MC, and yeah but I cannot see MC dying. the other stuff about what the brothers would be like after MC dies could also be applied to when MC chooses her s/o. i think the brothers would be super fucking hurt, that was their first love, their first understanding who walked out and chose someone who wasnt them. anyways thats all, you dont have to reply i just felt like i needed to get this off of my chest, also im gonna be pretty frequent on your blog ( i love ur writing ) so im gonna call myself cake anon! have a great day! - cake anon

Hello Cake! iluuu! Thanks for this, i really love getting every ones take on these things! And there is defs a lot that i agree with here.

I agree with the Mammon part. Out of all of the brothers, i feel he is probably the easiest to get emotionally attached in a relationship, so i see him as the one with the most previous relationships. Asmo coming in second, but his being mostly flings or poly/open relationships. I’m sure Mammon has had some serious ones as well as many flings, where Asmo’s have never been overly serious and certainly never long lasting. I’m also sure Luci has had a few, some more serious than others, but he wouldn’t get overly attached emotionally. I’m sure he’d be too busy with Diavolo since arriving, being the workaholic he is. I’m sure not many partners would be willing to deal with that level of non-commitment and emotional unavailability from him.Levi I feel like all his relationships never left that awkward early stage, and his only ‘serious’ relationships would have been strictly online, maybe a couple meetups that made him nope right out of it. Satan, again, has probably just gone on some casual dates but didn’t have much interest in actually dating rather than gaining connections. i feel like Beel is the most likely candidate to have had healthy previous relationships. He is pretty well balanced emotionally and has a good outlook on love and family values. I’m sure he’s had a few serious relationships and has dated his share of people. Belphie gives me vibes of had one or two previous serious relationships that did not end well at all and now he’s a salty sob over it lmao.

I still don’t feel like MC is necessarily their first true love, but maybe the first different kind of love for them. MC has reached them in ways no one else has, they don’t try to change anything, they fit in well with the whole family, they understand their sins etc. I have loved a few different people in my life, and each one was such a different experience for me. The first guy i loved, i consider to be my first true love. However, it didn’t work. And then i met the man I eventually married, he wasn’t my first true love, but it was a better kind of love, yk?

And uugghh you ripped my heart out with how the brothers would feel if MC chose a different brother!!!! Because they all would be so heartbroken it’s not them, but they really truly just want mc to be happy and cared for, and they know their brother would keep them safe and provide well.

A few asks ago, i mentioned that the brothers would move on eventually. I think there is a big difference in moving on and getting over that I maybe didn’t articulate very well. If MC were to die or choose someone else, they would move on eventually, but they might not ever really get over it. My heart hurts just thinking about how they would feel trying to move on. Like you mentioned, the empty, quiet dinner tables, lackluster parties and festivals, it would be like they lost their best friend. (i giggled picturing your mammon scenario with the pickle because that’s exactly how he’d react to something so small lmaooo)

I also agree that i don’t think the devs will kill mc off (again), that just seems like a really crappy way to end the game!! I’m curious to see how they would make different routes go if you can only romance one of them end game, vs you being able to have them all? I wonder if we’d get a choice in the whole becoming immortal thing or not?

Sorry if this reply was too long and rambly, i absolutely love discussing these kinds of things!! I always welcome these asks!!!

#obey me #obey me asks #sheptalks #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me asmodeus #obey me satan #obey me leviathan #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor

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justtogetthrough · 3 years ago

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I spent 6 hours in the ER tonight to be diagnosed with food borne illness and offered no pain management for the first 5 of those hours despite me being balled up and crying in pain bc literally nobody came to check on me for 4 hours. At the 1 hour mark upon arrival is when I got put in a room from the triage/waiting area and I was like hey nurse I'm doing real bad bc x and y and she was like you're going straight to a room so I'm sure you'll be seen quickly. And then I saw no one for 4 hours except when I pressed the call button at hour 4 crying and having a panic attack and asking if I should just leave cuz apparently there's no medical reason anyone feels I should be there and she's like no no the doctor will come and I mean... he did... but not for another hour and a quarter and I was in 9 out of 10 pain alone in a hospital room crying for hours and literally nobody gave a shit. Adulthood sucks. I had just gotten up to grab my coat and leave when the doctor walked in to draw blood. And they have the gall to post signs in the rooms saying nurses will check in every hour during the day to check on pain, potty, position, and personal belongings "its called the 4 p rounding in the ED". I want to file a complaint and be like TELL ME WHY NO ONE CHECKED ON ME FOR 4 HOURS, AND WHY IT TOOK 5 HOURS TO GET PAIN RELIEF WHEN MY LITERAL PRESENTING COMPLAINT WAS PAIN ALL DAY FLUCTUATING BETEEEN 6 AND 10 OUT OF 10. As soon as they injected the antiinflammatory into my arm at hour 5.25 since arriva to triage the improvement was significant and the crying stopped and its like wow. I could have had this hours ago. I wasn't drug seeking. Fucking toradol is all it took, its not a narcotic, and it worked and I was satisfied and I want to know why a doctor didn't check in on my pain within the first hour of getting a room to see what I needed to function. That toradol injection at hour 2 not hour 5 would have made this night a lot less hellish and spared my neighbours from listening to me cry and hyperventilate for 30-40 minutes straight.

I am much happier to be crying in my own bed now than in the fucking hospital where everyone just ignored the sounds of a person in extreme suffering.

At this point I would rather die from some random medical misfortune slowly and painfully at home then ever voluntarily attend my local hospital man. It's literal hell on earth.

I'll go there for stitches when I'm not in medical need besides sewing up a wound and I can bring a book. But if I'm suffering in any way, the hospital is the last place to go. I need to restock my home pharmacy with OTC and illicit drugs and I'm self medicating from here on out. If I could stitch myself I would and trust me I've checked Amazon for suture kits. They seem suspect. Once I find a real kit with real tools, I will never step foot in a hospital again.

Ps, med students link me up with suture kits, I'll pay you for them. Amazon sells practice kits and idk if theyre truly skinsafe. I need what you use and I have 2 decades experience watching it done and am probably autistic and would research the fuck out of it and do it 100% properly minus the med school qualification. Hook me up please. This is a serious request.

This post is written on xanax and zopiclone and will form the basics of my complaint I will be losing with the hospital thanks. I need to ask my kid if he still wants to lodge a complaint about his mistreatment in November. We can navigate that process together. It's a life skill. Reporting concerns is not the same as complaining but the complaint process is necessary and it needs to be used when services are harmful and negligent and both of our situations warrant formal complaints and apology letters for mishandling our medical needs.

So that could be a tomorrow thing given I refuse to work after this week I've had so yep. Day off, boss can't convince me otherwise and likely won't. So reading up on hospital complaint procedures and connecting with my kid about whether he wants to do his too. His complaint was way more violating so I suspect he won't, but I think he should. Up to him though. People, institutions, etc all need to be held accountable and if they dont know we're unhappy or the whack shit their employees are doing, we are failing our responsibility to take part in social democracy.

That's my drugged up rant for tonight. I am upset.

#me.txt #medblr #med school #medical professionals #med student

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sanchoyo · 3 years ago

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danny phantom, season 3 episodes 3-6 thoughts!

see prev episode thoughts in this tag <3

-johnny was actually pretty civil with danny and left when he asked! thats nice. also, SKULKER?? HAD A FRAMED PICTURE OF EMBER?? oooo fuck wait had they established they were a Thing Before?? I dont think so. thats weird. its like that country boy/goth girl meme lmfao. I think i am going to choose to ignore this new info and pretend I didnt hear it. 100% unrelated to the jazz/ember fanart I already drew and posted....😳

-LADIES NIGHT EPISODE THIS IS WHAT ITS ALL ABOUT. wish it didnt really center around the guys or them being pissed at them, but. willing to bet this was written by men lol

-THEY ERASED ALL THE MEN??? meanwhile, jack and danny are fishing at. silent hill or something. im glad jack is trying to read a parenting book and making an Attempt. (theyre at lake erie, but, they made it actually eerie...thats fun)

-the girls alt outfits...cute. EMBER MADE A NEW SONG TOO!!! kinda. jazz being one of the backup singers and being AWFUL. NOOOO

-'how are we going to get kitty to blow a kiss?' 'she'll have to think there are still some males in town!' ...i dont know how to break it to you, but I dont know that a 100% het girl would wish for all men to Begone. I think. I mean im not a het or a girl so I dont really know for sure. she Is probably Bi tho. esp having the other ladies in town chanting NO MEN!!! excitedly............(then again, the kiss is to get Rid of men, so, she probably would have blown it at the ladies only if they were actively trying to attack/stop them, so...I MEAN. THE DRESSING LIKE DANNY BIT WAS SO EXTRA)

-I feel like an all female cast ep couldve been way way way way cooler than that was. like. why was it still somehow all about Men. ...anyway. (where was valerie...)

-next ep opens with the observants, and, way way more of them than I expected...existed? I mean I guess them being a council/jury of some kind is what I expected from their first appearance (bc at that time they were basically TELLING clockwork to kill danny, not asking,, so I figured they had SOME kind of authority) but. there were so many. anyway, here goes vlad! letting his own hubris go brrrr. releasing a weather ghost for political gain! #justvladthings

-okay say what you will about him (he IS an asshole) but having an umbrella with his own face on it and more prepared to share is SUPER FUNNY. and him being fanned by huge wads of money by his bodyguards. SO ineffective but so Dramatic. He UNDERSTANDS that if youre rich you need to be. you know. obnoxious and kinda eccentric about it! fuckign hate when rich people are boring about it. I would trust vlad with nothing except to not be a boring rich asshole who wears...fucking khaki or some shit. man knows his Presentation Skills. and that 'V' chair in his mayoral office. is that fucking embroidered?

-maddie get your MAN PLEEEEASSSE. IM SO EMBARRASSED FOR HER. the way jack stays simping for this man. in FRONT OF HIS WIFE!!!! ...my god its like a love triangle. jack clearly loves vlad, who loves maddie, who loves jack. jack fenton is at the very least bi, right................. this is an OBSESSION . 'THE V MAN COMETH'???? i...my god. (also, on a serious note, to have a friend THIS SUPPORTIVE...and still be SUCH A DICK TO HIM (TRYING TO KILL HIM AND STEAL HIS WIFE??) NOT COOL VLAD. JACK IS YOUR 1 AND /ONLY/ HYPE MAN. if someone loved and supported me THIS HARD...LIKE. CMON DUDE.

-STOMP the fucking GAS, JACK

-this would make a great shirt design, looks like a metal band design! we love The Maelstrom

-oh, so vlad did in fact get a mansion in amity park. and its purple! good color choice! not as flashy as a CASTLE or MURDER CABIN, but still pretty eccentric, which I appreciate.

-...vlad knows the difference between picasso and da vinci? in the ep last post where we were watching him fail at conquering every historical time ever he didnt seem to know history well enough to like. be effective...was vlad taking art history at college?? (was he an art MAJOR??? we never DID KNOW WHAT HE WENT TO SCHOOL FOR. I kinda assumed business because in the masters of time ep he was still rich without ghost powers so he had to have..known something about business or something, right...but also, art and or theater FITS HIS PERSONALITY. possibly also something science-y, I guess, but I always felt like he got roped into that, esp how pessimistic he was about the ghost portal in the flashbacks to college, like, i felt like he was just there for maddie and was uninterested/un-invested at the time...)

-THIS GHOST JUST ELECTROCUTED MADDIE (THE CAT) BITCH!! THATS MY FAVORITE MADDIE!!! vlad going after vortex and being ~shocked~ .....WHEN. WHEN WILL YOU LEARN. THAT YOUR ACTIONS. HAVE CONSEQUENCES!!!

-the way this random man with a camera sees the mayor laying in an alley covered in TRASH AND DECIDES TO TAKE A PICTURE HAHAH

*snap* this ones going in my cringe compilation!

-vlad 'if we're going to defeat vortex, we're going to have to do it together!' *immediately dips after dropping danny off in front of vortex* JKASDFHKJHJKN

-DANNY CAN DUPLICATE!!! ...he couldnt even attack with it, but he DID IT!!! INTO (4) OF HIMSELF!!! SO PROUD!!!!!!!!!!

-'THE ROLLER COASTER EMOTIONS OF A TEENAGER THREATEN MY PLANS!' ...0 self awareness of his own dramatic moodiness. incredible, how dumb this man is. its very close to circling around to endearing, if he was less of an asshole. at least its very very funny to see danny shooting him with tiny lightning bolts anytime he's even slightly irritated! vlad you should be nice to danny anyway. this is what you GET

-...making sandwiches and ice cream and playing video games with your nephew is a totally normal thing. WHY is vlad acting like this is the end of the world. if you were a GOOD UNCLE YOU WOULD ALREADY BE DOING THESE THINGS!!! bitch I make my nephew food all the time and dont forget what he does and doesnt like. if u didnt know danny didnt want tomatoes, thats on u. if u, a grown adult, are gonna piss of the 14 yr old by not letting him win, u deserve to have to pay for the arcade machines he ruins because he now has uncontrollable storm powers because YOU THREW HIM INTO A FIGHT WITH THE STORM GHOST. fuck u vlad. paypal me $400,000 while ur at it tho. (also, gamer vlad confirmed)

-VLAD CAN COOK THOUGH???! I assumed he had...people working for him that did that. I mean. billionaires usually dont do that. then again, we've only seen those vultures working for him (and I guess the dairy king was AT his old mansion, but it was never really clarified if he worked there...I think he probably just Hung Out and they Enjoyed Cheeses Together. thats what I think, I dont think a KING would be working for anyone and also the dairy king was nice <3) but then again he would be a private person and we cant have anyone accidentally finding Ghostly Things, so...still, that's hilarious. pour one out for that really cute banana split that got ruined 2 seconds later

-vlad just fucking picking danny up and THROWING HIM AT VORTEX TWICE WITHIN LIKE A MINUTE. JUST ABSOLUTELY LAUNCHING HIM. BITCH THATS MY SON BE CAREFUL!!! HES GOT ORGANS AND THINGS!!!!

-danny seeing those animal commercials and feeling sad is the biggest 2000s throwback so far. i legitimately had to change the channel or walk out of the room when those came on bc id CRY AND BE SAD ABOUT THEM FOR DAYS AFTER. fuck those commercials and fuck that IN THE ARMMMS OF AN ANGELLLL song 😭

-'vlads ego almost got the town destroyed!' yes danny thats the entire episode. the entire series anytime vlad shows up honestly. this episode was just him being really embarrassing the entire time, and, me laughing about it. 10/10 would laugh at him again

-NEXT EP WE HAVE A SHAPESHIFTING GHOST?? I've said it before but shapeshifting is the power I would want when asked those 'what superpower do you want' questions...its the Best power! this guy looks like a homestuck character. ive never read homestuck but thats the vibe

-I love every time we see tuckers family, they are by far the most functional family. and dash has a lil chihuahua!!! named pookie!!! i am crying (I've had 3 chihuahuas, so I am very biased, but...) AND HE WATCHES THE ROMANCE CHANNEL WITH POOKIE. POOKIE I WILL DIE FOR YOU YOU SWEET LITTLE BABY.

-danny can lift a bus! I shouldn't be surprised, but i am proud of my son. hes got lil kid fans. i am going to cry about this

-JAZZ KEEPS A SCRAPBOOK WITH DANNY'S LIL HEROICS AND NEWSPAPER CLIPPINGS!!! we've actually seen it on her floor before, but I didnt realize it was a scrapbook!! thats sooo cute.

-...and danny has to stand there listening to his parents saying danny phantom sucks and is a 'filthy ghost' and calling him egotistical...i am once again stealing their kids!

-THIS GHOST RIPPING JAZZ'S SCRAPBOOK!!! ILL KILL YOU. SHE WORKED HARD ON THAT!!! BITCH

-yes, maddie, the one with red eyes is For Sure Actually Your Son. ignore the, red eyes... (CLEARLY she hasnt watched the other 2 eps where danny has been evil, she doesnt know red eyes= evil!!!)

-'billy fenton'.......................

-danny being stuck as phantom in his own house, no way out is a fucking NIGHTMARE. his parents pointing giant weapons against him and SHOOTING AT HIM. THIS IS A HORROR MOVIE.

-NINE INCH NAILS POSTER.

-this is the most screenshot of all time

-amorpho turning into mr. lancer because hes 'someone no one will want to be around' BUT HES WRONG, I WOULD BEFRIEND AND HANG OUT WITH MR LANCER SO FAST.

-tucker dressing as danny, now I have the full Tucker set of him being sam and also being danny. also saying 'the ghost...uh...RIPPED MY FACE OFF.' and then running. SMOOTH. NOT AT ALL CONCERNING TO ANY PARENTS.

-sam accepts the toast from jack. and then 2 seconds later is like 'why am i eating this.' THIS SHOWS HUMOR IS SO UNEXPECTED SOMETIMES ITS REALLY GOOD. and then the scene after, mr lancer running into his ghost doppelganger and being like 'YOURE GORGOUS' THEN FAINTING. I AM CRYING. AND DASH FAINTING TOO.

-sam disguising herself as danny again to help tucker run from the fentons. but leaving him shirtless in the streets. incredible. 'plEASE DOnt NOTice MY FACELessNESS I MUST LIVE IN EXILE' this episode is destroying me the humor in this show is exactly my brand of corny and cheesy

-the impromtu story made up by danny and amorpho to explain stuff to the fentons. my god they are both such bad liars. but amorpho is a good egg. wish danny wouldnt have said he didnt wanna see him in town again!! I want him to be reoccurring. not that thats gonna matter since I'm almost done with the series, but the idea of this being the Only Time We See him is :(

-NEXT EP SAYS STARRING MARK HAMILL??????!!! hello ! mr . joker....mr. star wars.... I feel like I should be. idk. taking off a hat im not wearing in respect. I shouldnt be surprised tho bc hes in a lot of cartoons as a very good voice actor, and dp has already had a lot of talented ones so I've been looking out for ones I might know, but....mr. hamill....

-sam has her own greenhouse, names all the plants, and says thank you to them (in the languages from where the plants are from) whenever she harvests from them. thats SO cute. and her lil gothy lunch box...

-and danny's lil red fuzzy lined jacket!!! ive said it before but every time the characters get alt outfits im like :D

-danny has ice powers now!!! THATS WHAT FROSTBITE MEANT. HE KNEW SOMEHOW WAY BACK THEN

-THIS SHOW NEVER LETS YOU FORGET VLAD IS A BILLIONAIRE, HUH.

-danny's lil 'holy hibiscus!' first off the 50s batman swearing is hilarious. 2nd. my username is from the flower sanchoyo hibiscus, so, shoutout to ME this ep. hi :)

-EURGH UNDERGROWTH MAKING EVERYONE PLANT ZOMBIES. HIVEMIND PLOTS SCARE THE SHIT OUT OF ME. and this dude made the city SO overtaken so quickly like how long was danny asleep?? oh god

-evil fucked up sam! now the whole trio has gone evil at some point! the voice actress did a really, really good job with making her sound like a zombie...

-frostbite's paws are so so so big compared to danny. oh my god. i want to hug the snow dog...

-the far frozen has an advanced medical stuff!!! very cool. very smart snow dogs

-im so glad danny has a friendly ghost snow dad to explain this new power and teach him!!! this is so sweet. DANNY'S GHOST SENSE WAS A PART OF HIS ICE POWER?? OOOH. COOL. we love a training montage!!!

-danny saying if he cant defeat overgrowth, that he'd want to stay with frostbite...oh my god...do you think this is the first real supportive adult figure in his life (I am NOT counting his parents because they threaten him on the daily even if they dont realize it.) I mean mr lancer is a Teacher, but he was also nice but this is different, but this is a GHOST WHO IS WILLING TO HELP HIM with his powers and also will help him when hes injured and is so so nice and comparatively so much more mature than 90% of the adults in this show!!!! god. dad frostbite is my everything.

-the framing and lighting this episode, and all the angles...they went all OUT and it looks really really good. this is my nightmare scenario, tho. like, FUCK zombies and dead city zones and hivemind shit. and using the humans as 'nutrients for the children' i am going to THROW UP.

-MALEFICENT VIBES WITH THE HORNS AND GREEN EYES! this costume kicks so much ass. sam is now mark hamills daughter, I guess.

-danny's ice powers making his eyes blue!!! thats neat. and him going for the roots underground was SO SMART. i will not stand for danny ever thinking hes stupid, hes SO smart.

almost done with the show... :"( thats a sad thought!!!

#sanchoyorambles #dp thoughts #danny phantom

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sokka-with-his-hair-down · 4 years ago

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the zukka ship fandom has been harrassing zutara shippers and calling them pro colinization while shipping something with the same dynamic. zukka fans also started the idea that katara was homophobic which i get was a joke but was still annoyingly enforced. so it may not be everyone but the fandom has a problem with harrassing other people that they NEVER acknowledge

(To anyone reading, I truly and genuinely tried to be as understanding and respectful as possible. If you see something you don’t agree with or think I misinterpreted, I understand if it makes you upset! But if you must say something, please first try to politely explain your point of view. I am not looking to hurt anyone. Let’s keep this civil, because yelling and not listening to other people’s arguments has never gotten us anywhere.)

(Also, PLEASE keep in mind that I am a minor and still have much to learn. That doesn’t mean I shouldn’t be held accountable for my words, but it does mean that I still have lots to be educated on and am not yet a fully functioning adult!)

(As a preface, the most important stuff is the two bolded paragraphs at the end. Go and read those first. The rest of this is elaboration and further clarification.)

Okay, that IS messed up. I don’t think it’s cool of Zukka shippers to be doing that at all.

I will say that the circles I’m in don’t participate in that, as far as I know, but I have no doubt there are groups of people and individuals who do do that.

I could be totally wrong, but I think part of it is that some people are forgetting that while there are lots of Zutara fan works and ideas that might be morally wrong and have racist/misogynistic elements, the ship can be okay if it is handled with respect and acknowledgesd openly that there are problems with some aspects of the pairing. The community should not entirely define the ship.

AND THE SAME GOES FOR ZUKKA SHIPPERS.

We need to acknowledge issues and understand that no one ship is perfect or unproblematic.

I think some of the entitlement some Zukka shippers may feel comes from the fact that nowadays people are generally more consciously making efforts to respect culture, and so zukka, being a newer ship, has much less “pro-colonization” fan media. (That does not mean that many, or even most Zutara shippers contribute to racist media these days! I’m sure many/most don’t. But Zutara has been popular for years, and unfortunately it has gained a bit of a reputation for having things like “Slave Katara” fics or “Fire Lady Katara” fics. I’m sure it is very different now but that stuff sticks. And worse, some people still think it’s okay.)

What I’m saying: should Zukka shippers be harassing Zutara shippers? No. Is Zutara 100% an inherently bad ship? No. Should Zukka shippers be calling Katara homophobic? Absolutely not.

And I understand that your ask wasn’t an attack on me (thanks for that because it happens haha) but I’d like to say that I, personally, do NOT approve of the “Katara is homophobic” joke or and I haven’t outright insulted Zuatara shippers, and it’s because I have manners. Because at the end of the day, it’s just about who we think would have the best romantic chemistry. It’s about who we think would make a cute couple. And there ARE other things that come with that that we should be respectful of! We shouldn’t write Sokka and Katara abandoning their cultures to live in the Fire Nation permanently, for one thing.

All in all, I don’t think that saying the Zukka fandom in general is harassing the Zutara fandom, because a large, LARGE portion of us are staying in our lanes and letting you ship what you’d like (as long as it’s respectful, and the same goes for us!). However, I definitely believe that there are large groups of people who are harassing you, saying all these things, and just know that I (and many of my mutuals) know that it’s not right.

Thanks for the info, Anon. If you, personally, have been harassed over what you ship even when you weren’t creating/interacting with racist content, I’m very sorry that that happened to you, that’s awful.

Members of the Zutara fandom have certainly harassed the Zukka community as well, which sucks, but ZUKKA SHIPPERS SHOULD NOT BE DOING THE SAME THING TO ZUTARA SHIPPERS. And most of the arguments I’ve seen against Zukka aren’t about colonialism, theyre more focused around Suki and Mai. (Some ppl say we hate and ignore them... which is... not true in any capacity...) And I know it is NOT the entire Zutara community doing that!

Point is, most of us (on BOTH sides) are decent people who are doing our best to be respectful of the characters, cultures, and each other. Most of us are nice people who make fun, cute, non-racist content.

But there are people in BOTH of our communities who are being racist/misogynistic. And there are people in BOTH of our communities looking for a fight. So the people looking for a fight see the few racists/misogynists and attack the entire shipping community as a whole, even though it’s really just a few people. THIS HAPPENS ON BOTH SIDES. AND WE NEED TO STOP.

It hurts when part of your community is doing something gross and awful and the blame falls on the whole group. That seems to have happened to you. And I’m sorry.

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