#theyre fucking heartbreaking sometimes

[lesbiansanemi]

I know it’s just a silly dumb joke but also I get so irrationally irritated every time I see someone make one of the “x jjk character was born to shojo forced to shounen 😔” comments it’s so fucking annoying shut up shut up shut uppppppp

[phagodyke]

I was on the wikipedia page for phobias just for fun but just discovered theres an actual word for a fear of being touched.. 🥹

[sbk-zgvlt]

Guys. I finally finished book 4.

Sebek doesnt go home for winter break, deciding to stay with Yuu and Grim in Ramshackle (He feels left out by Dia 3 and decides to stay back, not willing to put himself through more heartbreak) (Yuu and Grim dont question him when he appears in front of their dorm with a luggage bag)

Sebek wanted to see Dia 3 off when they leave through the Magic Mirror only to get there with Adeuce Yuu and Grim and find out they leave without bidding him goodbye

Adeuce's opinion on Dia 3 are slowly souring

Bump into Jamil and the rest of Scarabia!! Decide to help them with cooking. Idc about that theory that the culinary crucible cards that have their bows not properly done r bad cooks SEBEK CAN COOK AND I STAND BY THIS !!!

heads up! Sebeks previous interactions with Jamil (namely the ceromonial robes vignette) has already skewered his personal opinion on him, so he doesnt get suspicious of him until its too late

Something something about how easy it is for Sebek to love admire and respect someone something something about how he lets it blind him to peoples faults sometimes

SEBEK LOVES IT IN SCARABIA OMGG ITS SO WARM. Those green flames in Diasomnia heat JACKSHIT smh

The carpet likes messing around with Sebek and Yuu has to stop him from trying to set it aflame/lh

When they take to the skies, Yuu takes the time to look at Sebek and Grim and just be. Insanely glad that theyre with them (AUGHHH THEY MAKE ME SICKKK)

Kalim's "mood swings" do NOT mix well with Sebek "autism" Zigvolt. Works well in Jamil's favor because Yuu gets upset on both Sebek and Grim's behalf

The whole thing with Yuu unable to say no because of Jamil's UM and Sebek and Grim scolding them, but the former admits that it leaves a sour taste in his mouth if they leave Jamil without helping for some reason

Try to escape and FAIL spectacularly. Try to call the headmage, and Grim eventually tells Yuu to message Adeuce. Sebek messages Jack ("Why do you even have his number in the first place 🤨" "It is none of your concern, human!")

Sebek stops Grim from trying to dig their way out with a spoon, knowing it would be fruitless, and makes him rest

They have the talk with Jamil and the other dorm students !! When Jamil mentions why exactly he needs to be compliant to all of Kalim's wishes, Yuu whispers about how that sounds like someone they know. Sebek tries to ask them what they mean but Yuu says its nothing

Sebek criticizes the Al-Asims and Jamil is surprised by how passionate he is about the topic (Yuu tries their best not to call Sebek a hypocrite with how he's been excusing all of his Wakasama's actions that are CLEARLY hurting him) (Malleus sneezes in Briar Valley)

Jamil also finds out that technically Sebek is a servant as well, although it was by his own will. He questions how Sebek could so easily dedicate his whole life to someone just like that. Yuu agrees, mentioning how his Wakasama doesnt even seem to give him the time of day, which doesnt help

THEY ESCAPE WITH THE HELP OF THE CARPET 🔥🔥🔥 and crash into Octavinelle

Skipping a lot of chapters over here since nothing really changes drastically. Sebek goes with Floyd, Yuu, Grim and Azul to distract Jamil. He plays a board game with Yuu :3

Skipping again, they find out about Jamil's whole scheme and Sebek is CRUSHED to find out that someone he looks up to is actually a bad guy. Jamil once again ignores the teeny tiny guilt he feels upon seeing Sebek's distressed face

Something something about being the one praised for once something something about how Sebek freely gives his love and praise to anyone he believes deserves it and how Jamil feels appreciated even though he wont admit it

OVERBLOT GRAHHHHHH

Flings them to the edge of the desert, Sebek holds onto Yuu and Grim so he would be the one to get the brunt of injuries upon impact. It doesnt help that its cold

OASIS MAKER 🗣️🔥🔥🔥 Sebek uses his crocodile form to carry Yuu and Grim (Yuu was against it because WHAT THE FUCK SEBEK YOURE INJURED)

Fighting Jamil! Sebek connects with Jamil, servant to servant and all that shit, saying that what he's doing wont change a thing. Starts off insulting him ("SEBEK YOURE NOT HELPING???") before going "Will you really let yourself stoop so low and let them take the last laugh!?"

"You have talent and skill that could make others envious, and you're using them for what? Stealing some title? If it was truly yours to begin with, then prove it! Do you really want to become housewarden through such underhanded tactics?" "I truly admire you, Viper, so don't tell me that I placed my faith in someone so imprudent!"

Jamil scolds him, saying that Sebek of all people should understand why Jamil's doing this in the first place. Tells him that he can help him as well, offering his hand. Sebek doesn't take it

He gets in a bit of a funk after that, not being able to understand why Sebek is just okay with being a servant all his life, getting more aggressive with his attacks while the others try to push him back. He still has his hand stretched out towards Sebek, screaming about how he should understand

Azul tells them theyre running out of time, and Jamils going to be too consumed by his blot for any of them to snap him out of it. Against his better judgment, Sebek grabs Jamil's hand, Yuu barely holding onto Sebek's jacket when they tried to pull him back

FLASHBACK!!! Sebek and Yuu finally acknowledge each others existence when they watch the memories play out. When nearing the end, Yuu asks Sebek why he cares so much about this "Wakasama" when its clear that they dont care for him. Sebek doesnt answer

BACK TO THE REAL WORLD!!! Azul tries to convince Jamil to transfer to Octavinelle, and after some thinking decides to extend the invitation towards Sebek. Sebek immediately refuses. Yuu retorts and says the only dorm Sebek is ever transferring to is Ramshackle. (They look at each other like 🤨)

Jamil tells Sebek that he still doesn't understand why Sebek would want to serve someone his whole life. Sebek tells him that he doesn't need him to understand since it's his own decision anyway. Jamil contemplates on his answer

PARTY!!!! Adeuce and Jack FINALLY arrive and fuss over Yuu Sebek and Grim, still not admitting that they were worried

Yuu realizes that Sebek still didnt answer the question. When they ask Sebek about what happened in the memory Sebek feigns obliviousness

Finally back at Ramshackle,,, the ghosts are RELIEVED to see them again. They usher Sebek into the house, noticing how Sebek is SHIVERING

Before Yuu gets in as well, Lilia pops up, saying that they have something to give them. After he gives them the postcard and disappears, Sebek goes out to shout at Yuu to come inside

Yuu shows him the card and Sebek's face FALLS (YOU SEND YUU A POSTCARD BUT NOT. SEBEK. OKAY I SEE HOW IT IS !!!)

Yuu tries to ask him whats wrong, but Sebek says that its getting too cold outside and heads in. Yuu stares at the postcard like it just killed their entire family

"M.D." has a #1 hater and it's YUU 🗣️🔥🔥🔥

EDIT: I FORGOT TO MENTION FUCKKKK Sebek picks the stone up before Grim does, intending to throw it away only to become curious as to why Grim likes them so much. He pockets it instead

AUHUGHUG FINALLY DONE 😭😭😭 im goign to try and finish book 5 next !!

[formula-fun]

I just finished the first chapter. It was breathtaking. I don't know much about music yet I dove into your story. This may be a silly question but how did you choose Max's instrument? Why the bassoon? I'm really curious. Have a lovely day. I can't wait to discover the rest.

omgg thank you!! <333 really glad you liked it!! i tried my best to make it straightforward for people who don't know a lot about classical musicians so hopefully it was a fun read!!

and ive been waiting for someone to ask this, thank youu

so the bassoon is probably just about the hardest instrument to play in the entire orchestra. it's cumbersome, it requires a stupid amount of breath just to make a noise, you have TWO reeds to deal with (terrifying to me as a clarinetist/saxophonist--we had a thing to bite with our top teeth and a reed that we had to keep a specific amount of pressure on with our bottom lip, and that was already enough to manage. TWO?), and the keying is...stressful. why does one thumb have like ten keys? what are they even for like what the fuck is that??? bassoonists have to circular breathe a lot just to play anything because it requires more air to play for more than ten seconds than the average person has in lung capacity. they have to learn how to inhale and exhale at the same time if they dont want to pause to gasp every other note. the level of multitasking is insane. almost like a fighter pilot mentality, or an f1 driver.

wow

so the bassoon is very very endangered (which means not many people play it and very few people start learning each year) because of all of these things, plus very few people on earth are MAKING bassoons so theyre very expensive. add in the fact that a bad bassoon player sounds something like a mix between a lawn mower engine and a dying duck, and you have a handful of reasons why the bassoon catches a lot of strays.

this is the brunt of my thesis statement: the bassoon is a woefully misunderstood instrument. it sounds beautiful when played well and is an indispensable part of a lot of classical pieces, but it has a reputation for being unapproachable, difficult, ugly, and overall not worth the effort. They can whip out the most beautiful, heartbreaking solos, but most people outside of music circles don't even know what a bassoon is, let alone what one sounds like.

and, idk. it feels like it fits max, to me.

musicians also like to play a fun game where they guess each other's instruments. they're pretty good at it. people's personalities tend to kind of fit their instrument in the same way that dogs tend to kind of look like their owners. max to me feels like a bassoonist. they tend to be kind of insane and hyper focused and chaotic and have big dick energy because they know they're indispensable in most orchestras. they're similar to saxophonists, but if you dialed up the intensity a little.

besides all that, bassoons also just reminds me of his voice a little bit. they tend to have a kind of dark reedy sound that can be really sweet and sometimes they go a little raspy and growly. this piece is short, but it's a really nice example. please tell me im not insane

have i given the bassoon an adequate amount of personhood yet to make you fall in love with it? my ulterior motive with this fic is to make more people love the bassoon

[thetisming]

i genuinely wish i could articulate my thoughts on nicky because sometimes i think it comes off as just 'hes gay and makes me sad' because thats easy to say and articulate but like. he is a character who doesnt matter. not just like tamara and micah and yuri and luca and flint, but he isnt in the story. hes optional. and like, hes really fucking strong. hes been training most likely his WHOLE LIFE. of course hes strong. he doesnt matter. hes optional and you simply dont have to see him and his dad doesnt even seem to care about him and ??? i know a lot of what im saying has been said but bear with me here. and understand that ! some of it i was thinking before i saw other people say it. which just means im right. anyways. 👍. also i talk about oliver a lot here because. well you ujderstand

"sometimes i pretend the whole reason this tournament exists is so that my father and i could fight each other. but i suppose that wont be happening now..."

"nicky?"

"ah, oliver! don't worry. i need not be consoled."

paraphrasing because i dont remember but! fuck!!! all he wanted was to impress his dad! and then when oliver tries to console him he just brushes it off!!!!!!

something else is that. he knows about the prophecy. he knows what the point is. the winner defeats the wizard king. and yet he still wants to win. isnt that fucked? he knows and yet he wants to win to impress his dad. this is something i think about all the time. hes willing to be doomed forever, just so his dad will be proud of him.

and like, again hes been training forever. and then what, this other kid comes along and he arrived in this world like, maybe a week ago? and he still wins. whatever. this is lightweight. but he keeps winning and it isnt fair because hes been training his whole life. and then he wins. he actually wins ultra-ultimate. and he goes on to defeat the wizard king, the thing he wanted to do to make his dad proud.

and then theres like. nickiver, right? sure, this kid is winning the tournaments but thats fine. because it isnt the main one. and hes pretty. and hes firery and stubborn and hes strong and he fights on his level and it's fun and theyre nemises and they argue. and this kid is also just fucking clueless when it comes to any hints about nicky's crush. and then this kid wins ultra-ultimate. and then he sees this kid win pandora's box. and maybe now, if he didnt before, he fully understands the complete weight of defeating the wizard king. because he loves this boy, and he opened the box. he opened the fucking box and he climbed the tower and if he didnt arrive in the world. nicky wouldve done that. for his dad. for his dad's thousand year revenge quest. and again he loves oliver. and he sees him change after defeating the wizard king and maybe they get married and maybe for a bit theyre happy. but oliver defeated the wizard king, which is what nicky was meant to do. it's a good thing he didnt. or maybe not, because it came at the price of oliver.

and like, hes a kid. okay. hes maybe 13, 14, around oliver's age. and he loves fighting and familiars and i doubt he has any friends and i doubt he has anyone. but then he has oliver and oliver is nice but also argues and hes so clueless and hes perfect. hes the perfect guy and nicky loves him and theyre friends (despite their nemisis status). but again oliver defeats the wizard king. and yeah i think nicky probably befriends esther but. he had oliver. oliver was possibly his first non-familiar friend (i do think his familiars are his friends even after the whole thing) and he has him and then he doesnt. and he slips away because of that fucking prophecy. and hes gone.

and also, nicky's scared of being unimportant. he wants to matter. he wants to impress his dad he wants to be important. and hes fucking not, and it's heartbreaking. he was removed from wotww. i say this a lot but every other named character had a cameo. almost every place had a mention. but not nicky (and not giovanni either) (unless you count. french car guy.). nicky doesnt matter. nickys unimportant. nicky doesnt impress his dad. he matters so much to me but overall oliver is the hero of the story so oliver is going to win. nicky is optional in dotdd but god thats better than him not being an option at all.

and something i always think about with the hope and hopelessness line is. nicky holds onto hope. and oliver doesnt. nicky, the neglected, optional, moon coded boy, holds onto hope. and oliver, the loved, hero, adored, sun coded boy holds onto hopelessness. we're given every reason to think it wouldnt be like that. but nicky holds onto hope and oliver doesnt and of course oliver doesnt because hes the hero. hes the pure-hearted one. these things dont just go well. hes the pure hearted one so of course he wants to defeat a great evil, even if it ruins him.

but nicky? he holds onto hope in the end. hope. the character who would make perfect sense to be hopeless, hes the one who holds onto hope. he has hope. maybe hope is all he has. either way, he holds onto hope. and that drives me crazy.

and hes also fun. hes a fun character! hes dramatic and his lines are cute and hes clearly in love with oliver and hes funny and charming! all of this tragedy, and hes so charming still. and i think that does a lot. like, a silly character who says things like 'exactly as i expected... from my NEMISIS!!!!!!!!!' and then you find out hes tragic and his father is neglectful and hes moon coded and he has a moon charm on his coat?? LIKE!!!!! YES!!!!!!!!! AWESOME. and to top it all off. hes even gay.

anyway i love nicky i hope this ?? made sense. if it ever seems like my thoughts on him dont go deep they do im just awful at words & enjoy to make silly posts. i like him a lot

[hookhausen]

the batboys totally are the type to take you to see your favorite sports team regardless if they like it or not

dick thrives and i mean THRIVES in a wrestling environment he almost gets transfixed by how smooth the moves are seeing a moonsault so flawlessly is like art to him bc it reminds him of his acrobatic skills plus the storylines are interesting at times so ofc if you ask him to go with you to a wrestling event hes so down

tim likes the quietness that baseball brings so if you want to catch a game in the middle of the day you bet your ass tim is down to go with you he'll even get you seats closest to the dugout depending if you really wanted to see your favorite team up close this time around

jason is always down to see the devils play and completely understands why you get so excited when gloves drop and theres a fight after the stoppage of play two men beating each other into the ice and sometimes theres loss of teeth and blood? sign him UP

damian doesnt get why you like formula 1 bc in his eyes its just cars going really fast but he likes seeing all the cars that he could afford to buy (i mean this literally he could buy and own ferrari, williams, mclaren, & mercedes at the same time if he really wanted too and a part of me think he would buy the teams just for shits & gigs/impress you but i digress) damian just likes seeing you get so excited about your favorites on the grid but he will not be able to handle the jealousy if you happened to meet lewis hamilton or logan sargeant bc i mean its lewis hamilton and logan fucking sargeant how can any man not be jealous them??

bruce enjoys a nice game of soccer no thanks to alfred so he likes catching a game every once in a while he lowkey admires kylian or messi bc of how good they are and debates on investing some of his money into psg (much to alfreds heartbreak) or inter miami even if he is from jersey

oh cass is so excited if you mention wanting to go see a ufc match bc shes just as much of a fan as you are theres something so interesting about the environment that surrounds ufc and a trip to las vegas never sounds bad to her so fuck it ofc theyre down to see sean strickland in the octagon

you + duke at a football game sign him UP he goes all out for you im talking abt face paint, jerseys, wearing overalls with the colors of your favorite team, he really doesnt care if he doesnt like football if you wanna catch a game ofc hes down and he'll be just as excited as you are

[castlebyersafterdark]

ugh youre such a dream thank you for such detailed answers! its so appreciated and i feel as fresh as coming into the fandom all hopeful in summer 2022, up for discussing!

re this: '[wills'] sexuality is less explored in regard to the most baseline aspects of being gay. Is it infantilizing because he's our cute sweet little victim? Is it because he has yet to actually pursue his love interest in the narrative? I'm still working on pondering this myself!! Because it isn't at all how I viewed his situation or character.'

would LOVE to hear more thoughts on this, because i too have not figured it out. tbh, the whole party growing up was a hard pill to swallow at first cos its bittersweet, but it never made me deny will's character a coming of age arc or sexuality arc. i was like - welp, its happening, whether im sad or not that theyre no longer babies. infantilisation makes sense though - i even had non-fan friends who watch the show assume that will was a few grades below the other boys, and much younger.

perhaps for many, they can't accept his growing up because it's reflective of change in general, of the show coming to an end, changing? this is narrative the show itself explores, though - beautifully, i might add.

but i would love to know what your original thoughts on will's character and this storyline prior to all this spicy policing were! how did you view his growing up? was a sexuality storyline inevitable for you?

One thing I never fully understood is the general unease or being uncomfortable thinking about members of the party "growing up" and now viewing them in a different light, meaning getting involved in genuine teenage experiences like sex etc etc et al. I guess I just do find that frustrating sometimes when my view is: everyone grows up, we're there. Hit with: "but we saw them as kids! We watched them grow up! It's weird!" But WHY? I want people to explain why. Stupid analogy, but I think of how dumb it would be if my bf saw some home movie of me as a little kid and turned to me to say "well, unfortunately I can't fuck you anymore. Turns out, you were at one point - a child!" 😂 it sounds like that to me though!!!

Yeah we can still see our cute little babies s1 but we can also watch s5 and appreciate the journey, the coming of age. That's what's gonna make stranger things such a cool show, watching the actual journey from childhood to after (didnt Linklater film Boyhood over a decade to capture growing up in real time? Cool idea, never saw it). It's like any child star in the Hollywood industry. Miley was on Disney but then she started her adult career and were people initially odd about it having a pretty sexual angle? Yeah. Then everyone had to get over it. I acknowledge and understand the adjustment period, but it's frustrating in fandom for these boys that at large it's such a hang up. And, they're fictional. I know the irl actors portraying them plays into all this but... still.

(Then we got the M'leave-hers out here wanting Mike and El to get married and start having babies in s5 while we can't even talk about byler having a heated makeout or joke about Mike checking out Will's ass without pitchforks thrown our way. Booo)

As for what I thought for the shows trajectory, I did always hope we'd get an exploration of Will's sexuality as time went on. I really thought that was built into his character from the beginning (and it was and I was right) like it's one of the first things we learn about this little boy, with what Lonnie thought of him ☹️. I always wanted to see what they actually did with that and now it'll be a really, really incredible payoff if he does Get the Boy. I wasn't even really thinking too hard about byler back then but I can't even describe how heartbreaking that little moment when he tells Joyce "I'm not gonna fall in love" is in context, just... it always gets to me. S4 was a game changer and seeing what they were doing with Will and Mike? Hooked me. Decided to actually look into the fandom as something I wanted to engage w beyond just TV and the occasional pretty gifset or funny interview clip I came across on my dash or theories on reddit - shock and awe when eventually I saw how the vocal asshole fans acted. Debates and witch hunts over how far just a kissing scene can go? Sad.

Byler is great, byler is cute and palatable until you acknowledge that gay teenagers feel desire and maybe have sex, woah! People were even weird about aged up fic and art and everything! Still stumped to an extent about it. Our canon gay character (two, actually, just yet to be hmmm canonized lol) gets the sanitized treatment while Steve and Eddie and all their fanon post 7000 E rated fics w little complaint. (Finding out that was actually as popular as it is really shocked me?) I'd celebrate that and care about them more if the differences weren't so annoying. Just because of the age thing. Oh, get over it. Wish I'd taken a stand from the beginning and just did what I wanted without feeling awkward and going with the status quo. Lame. But maybe this is better, so much nicer having complete openness and a relative fresh start.

[wh1zz3rbr0wn]

me ranting on the marvin triolgy i unironically love the marvin trilogy so much?? in trousers makes no sense. esp the end song/ begginning depends on what like version ur listening too. i heard this theory that in trousers is actually marvin being hypnotised by mendle in therapy and it would make sense!! like it'd explain the inaccuracies between it and falsettos. Like Trina having two kids, as mentioned in your lips and me, 'the oldest drink wine the baby's wailing', while in falsettos Jason is the only child known. And in you gotta die sometime when whizzer says i dont smoke but in whizzer going down marvin says 'he takes me in his arms and he lights *another* cigarette.' Then i love how they re used im breaking down from in trousers and using it in the 2016 revival of it. imo it fits better in falsettos because you go more in depth about both trina and whizzer charaters. In trousers musicals actually is so bloody good??? like every song is great, my favourite song is marvin's giddy seizures. It highlights marvin's suicidal attempts and how it doesn't get noticed unless he acts out., then the whole thing just sounds so good. i wish the lesbians got more screen time though because theyre so radicial. every scene they're in they just light the stage up. I love how all the charaters are wrote. I would like to know if in high school ladies at 5 o'clock/ the r--e of mrs goldurg. are we meant to take that literally? im assuming we are because marvin says something along the lines of for my 14th birthday i was hoping you could show me the wonders of the bed. i think we would be, and if we are what the fuck? like i know marvin is an incredibly abusive person before about time but jesus christ. i didnt expect that. now i do adore that marvin's abusive behaviours are acknowledged and reprimanded unlike another musical that attempts to do something alike to falsettos, rent, where all characters have abusive behaviours. i wont dwell on the failures of rent too much because this isn't about rent. I have saw that 2004 college production amd i find it hilarious that in the thrill of first love that marvin drops whizzer, i hope that was scripted because that seems like such a Marvin behaviour. at the same time it would also be funny if it wasnt. either way i like it. anyway in marvin at the physiatrist, in the og off brodway cast, mendle says its queer mr marvin which is so funny to me. on the topic of the og off brodway cast, i find it fun how chip zien played both marvin and mendle in in trousers and march of the falsettos/falsettoland. marvin in in trousers and mendle in MotF/falsettoland respectably. I genuinely adore everything about falsettos. the openeing number is such a good opening song, i dont think ive heard a better one. Then my father's a homo always makes me laugh and i just love how jason doesn't hate his father for being gay, its how his homosexuality tore the family apart. Then this had better come to a stop is such agood number. i love how in the og of brodway run of it the late again sounds like yapping. then the way that trina and whizzer sort of bond over marvin's abusive tendencies is heartbreaking. A tight knit family reprise is a great song again. then the chess game, marvin my guy you know you agreed to let whizzer win cmon now. i never wanted to love you is heartbreaking. and the games i play makes me violently sob. march of the falsettos made no sense to me until i realised that it was a song to remind you that acts of affection are NOT masculine at all. i honestly dont get why act one didnt end with i never wanted to love you, but father to son is heartwarming compared to the previous songs. i love the second act so much. marvin has done everything to change himself yet the love of his life is stripped away from him. it is like a reminder that due to his past actions he can never like fully be a good person. he changed. he did im not putting that down, but his actions can always haunt him.

[autumnfangirler]

Can I ask 3 and 22 from the Sidestep ask game for your Steps? 👀

sure thing!

3. What is their villain name? Why did they choose it?

Caine- their name is Lycan! in all honesty he wouldnt bother picking his own name, BUT i need to continue his dog motif so theyre getting a unique one as a treat

Cyrus- hhhhh ok. see i can see cyrus taking up two different names– either puppeteer or heartbreak. im sticking with puppeteer for now but ill explain for both. on one hand, puppeteer really is the best way to describe his viewpoint at this point in time. hes the one pulling the strings here, and everybody else will play along. theyre nothing more than tools, puppets, putting on a show for his own amusement, and the fact hes known as a telepath really helps. on the other hand, i can see him using heartbreak as a way to kill sidestep all over again: the more the name heartbreak is used, the more the memory of sidestep dies. plus he sees himself as heartbreak 2.0– he uses the lessons he learned and channels it to the new an improved version, one who will finish what they started

Cecilia- Lupin! one, because the name was pretty, and two, because arsene lupin was the greatest fictional thief of all time, and she's confident she can live up to the name. shes just cocky like that LMFAO

Cynthia- at first i was certain that shed leave her name up to the press, but i think shed be a bit more hands on with how she comes across to the press, if only to further her goals. that said, she ended up deciding on the name Echo. she sees herself as a shadow of her former self, but with just enough intact to deliver a message, one that the people need to hear before its too late (love me my justice steps)

22. How do they feel about their telepathy? Is it a gift? A curse?

Caine- listen to me ok. listen to me. caine cannot introspect to save their fucking life. the only way hes learned how to place his own emotions is by using his telepathy to compare others emotions with his own. it helps them get through conversations with their head afloat, quickens decision making during fights, and most importantly, keeps them under the radar. he doesnt know what hed do without it. and even though hes the most prone to sensory overload, he wouldnt want to live without telepathy. hark is always there whenever they need some peace and quiet anyway.

Cyrus- he sees his telepathy as a weapon. one that gives him an upper hand in situations where fists wont help, so he can turn it more to his favour. but its a double edged sword, and sometimes it can be a hindrance more than a help. it made it harder to remain emotionally detached, especially from a certain someone whose thoughts never shut up. still, telepathy is a useful tool in his arsenal, one that he intends to use to the fullest

Cecilia- her telepathy is as much a part of her as a limb. yeah, she uses it a lot less than other steps, but its still something uniquely hers, and she cant imagine living without. or she can, but oh boy does she not like the image. she doesnt experience sensory overload much, so she tends to take comfort in crowds and noisy places, where she can pick apart the thoughts and emotions of the people around her, a bit like people watching, if you dont watch the people lmfao

Cynthia- ive said it before, but she has mixed feelings on her telepathy. shes grateful for it when used to feel other peoples emotions, because it grounds her in a way most other things cant. she also cant help but use it to make sure shes doing things right. but it still makes her feel guilty in a way she cant shake, like shes invading others privacy even when she cant help it. its part of the reason shes drawn to ortega– she doesnt have to worry about her telepathy causing unnecessary snooping into their thoughts

[daedalusdavinci]

spell homestuck

GOD. THIS IS SO MUCH LONGER THAN TWO FACE. i typed too much and theres too many qs so under the cut it goes

H - What is your favorite source text for fandom stuff (e.g., TV shows, movies, books, anime, Western animation, etc.)?

books!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! or....... i guess comics, these days, but i HATE READING COMICS they juST HAVE MORE COMPELLING FANDOMS. book fandoms are PUNY nad everyone is STUPID. youd think actual literary fandoms would have reading comprehension and understanding of literary critique but no!!!!!!!!!!!!! its literally my eternal fuckign struggle. somehow comic fandoms hit the perfect medium between compelling, readable content and the enthusiasm of cartoon fans without the childishness of cartoon fans

O - Choose a song at random. Which ship or character does it remind you of?

this isnt really a thing i do. the only time i associate characters w songs is my own ocs. barbies theme is miltons tower from the what remains of edith finch soundtrack!

M - Name a character that you’d like to have for a friend.

i have also never really been one to project myself into stories. its just not how i consume media. i think sollux and rose already closely resemble the kinds of friends i make, so maybe them?

E - Have you added anything cracky/hilarious to your fandom? If so, what?

(freddy fazbear vc) vanessa.... ive done things, im not proud of.

i dont even know if i want to answer this question bc its so fucking humiliating LKJSNDLFSDNFSDF the truth is yes. i am solely responsible for. a lot. particularly in the pjo fandom. i created several crackships ground up all on my own way back in 2014 and developed a following for them and i. dont wantto tell you what those ships were. LSKJDFNSLDJNSDFSDDF ive also pioneered many ship tags for other fandoms and i ship a lot of rarepairs and stuff but i dont think im RESPONSIBLE for them?? in that some ppl already were into them/talking abotu them or tht theyre still not popular (augh. to the ones that became popular) but i AM liTERALLY responsible for some crack shit in the pjo fandom and its. it haunts me sometimes. i dont want to talk about it. IF YOU REMEMBER WHAT I DID NO YOU DONT

S - Show us an example of your personal headcanon (prompts optional but encouraged)

this is so vague. my headcanons are shifting and nebulous and aus are my constant companion in everything, but uhhhhhhghhusjkdjnsdg i think. roxy writes the same way dave draws comics. its extremely memey and meta and self aware and largely just for the personal lolz, and were all doing her a disservice by pretending her writing looks like roses, when in reality dirk is probably the one whod make comics the way rose makes books (which is probably why he doesnt make comics). its more of that thing where roxy and dave are the same and rose and dirk are the same ykwim. well YOU dont corvus but im sure someone else does

T - Do you have any hard and fast headcanons that you will die defending?

jason takes after bruce in terms of like. adopting entirely too many kids. he broods

U - Three favorite characters from three different fandoms, and why they’re your favorites.

harvey is a heartwrenching character when written well, with a complicated view of morality, heartbreaking ties to our main hero, and a lot of internal conflict. something about such a hopeful character deadset on making a different in the system becoming a victim of it, and the potential he has as a vehicle for critiquing the law.

percy is my favorite character from pjo bc it was the very first time in my life i ever read a book and saw myself in it. hes aggressive, impulsive, and rebellious, he fidgets and has a hard time standing still, he acts on emotion without always thinking it through, he gets in trouble in school and hands his mom a murder weapon to kill his stepdad, hes just... hes a lot of the things ive always gotten in trouble for, things i couldnt help being, and hes a hero. he means everything to me.

vriska, i will maintain until the day i die, is one of the best homestuck characters- maybe just characters?- ever written. shes dramatic, shes impulsive, shes manipulative and mean and creative, and shes just so messy about it. shes a mean girl in a way that feels real, where her trauma impacts and shapes her as a person, and shes complex, with warring wants, and people she cares about, and dreams, and shes so messy. shes rough and rude and shes doing what SHE wants to, being a version of herself that feels right to HER, rather than some caricature of the hot badass evil lady. shes thirteen!! and she FEELS thirteen. shes a thirteen year old weird girl who is kind of an asshole, and she means literally fucking everything to me. shes a pirate!!!!! shes a swashbuckling badass dressing up in her larping outfit and yelling at her friends on the playground to swab the deck and she is the bestest ever, the end.

i didnt mean for each one of these to be longer than the last but here we are.

C - A ship you have never liked and probably never will.

i hate jdedave peace and love it just feels weird as hell to me. dave, for the most part, is hyper respectful of other peoples choices and boundaries but when it comes to jade hes always trying to mke choices for her, to protect her, and it gets to the point where even jade points out how much it bugs her. jades crush on dave also seems to come from a place of misunderstanding to me, admiring a lot of the parts of himself that he exaggerates and pretends to care about as a result of trauma. it always felt like a kid crush that they shouldve grown out of with time. dave also just sort of seems to... go along with whatever romantic relationships people push him into at that age, rolling with whoever flirts with him jsut bc hes trying to maintain the image of a player, so its really hard to take him seriously any time he hits on someone?

that is just my interpretation of it tho

K - What character has your favorite development arc/the best development arc?

well. i havent finished my reread of homestuck, so that feels difficult to comment on just yet, bc im sure ill have a different opinion when i do finish it. no one in dc gets character arc bc theyre all just undone immediately, so thats like. yeah. and in pjo the arcs are pretty weak bc 1) kids books and 2) RICK UNDOES THEM ALL. AUGH. regardless of all of this, i am going to say jason grace. he had a lot of development in like the last two hoo books, or maybe just like.... hints of how he couldve developed? promise? which rick immediately set fire to in toa when he killed him, but fUCKING WHATEVER. UGH.

anyway actually tho eleanor from the good place. bisexual icon. queen. probably one of the best character arcs of all time. the episode w her mom has some of the most powerful fucking dialogue ever and i think about it. all the time. i should rewatch the good place.....

[kindestegg]

what's yr fav hidden gem horror game thats been wiped off the net

the fishermen and the worm :( i first heard it got gone when i randomly got a dm on reddit of all places bc once upon a time i commented on a post recommending it as a creepy game that doesnt look like horror at first, n the person basically went 'yeah hey do u still have the files for this bc turns out its gone from the net' n im like AGH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO bc i lost those in between moving computers many times

iirc the only surviving proof of it existing is an incomplete lets play series on youtube n also some screenshots i took revisiting the ending location to show my bf a long time ago.

it was a very neat little game n it makes me sad the creator wanted it gone but i guess i sort of can understand it bc sometimes as an artist ur gonna get embarrassed of ur old art n want to move on from it n see it gone off the net, i know ive done that with like, p much all my old devart profiles (i have none atm)

you might be wondering what it was about... to give a summary, its about these two little guys who are dubiously in love or maybe just besties who live in like this cartoony paradise in a hole n call themselves fishermen but then theyre like. hey why do we call ourselves that if weve never fished. so they go to their elder and are like HEY WHERE THE FUCK IS ALL THE WATER n hes like FUCK YOU THERES NO WATER HERE ITS ON THE SURFACE YOU STUPID FUCK. so they go to the surface n they meet this worm bug lady whos rly nice n sort of a mother figure to them, shes like rly old, shes been told by her moms (<3) to wait for these two guys for thousands of years in that very same spot. theyre like can u show us water n shes like yeah n points to a speck on the horizon n theyre like wtf we meant to fish in n shes like ohhh okay. yeah we gotta go to a different place for that.

AND THEN. THE REAL GAME BEGINS. you see bc every place in this world is called an 'age', n the more you traverse it, the weirder n often times creepier it gets n the more u get the feeling this is kind of telling the story of someones life? but you cant figure out who. not yet at least. without spoiling too much though, i rly like all the diff visual n style changes for every age, the next age you encoutner right after you move away from the worms spot is genuinely really fucking creepy n with this genuinely NASTY looking grit to it n it only gets more fucked up the more u play through it. thats around the point where i realized OH. oh ive been tricked. this ISNT a silly goofy haha rpgmaker game thats short n sweet! THIS IS A SCARY GAME!

but as ive said every age has a diff look to it, one other is psychedelic, another almost looks like a dr seuss book... so on. eventually, everything starts coming together, n what i rly like about this game is that it doesnt just give u dead ends, it expects you to be smart to figure it out, yes, but it also gives you PLENTY of evidence to figure it out n flat out tells you some stuff n by the end youre probably gonna just naturally know what happened.

i will also say looking back on it i rly appreciate the underlying theme of being gay n growing up gay n how the world aorund you affects you, theres like, SOME REALLY DARK fucking themes when you really get down to it and actually study the full on implications of what its trying to tell you. it rly gets dark with like, how bad homophobia can get n how heartbreaking n desolate sometimes the experience of being a gay kid can be when u have no one who you think you can trust n then growing up into a gay adult whos just getting more confused n worried about the future n sometimes even getting taken advantage of.

but despite all the horror n darkness... its a game that knows when to give you plenty of breathers, the three main characters are so charming they just shine naturally, they combat all the darkness by just being themselves. theyre not the ones who lived through all this horrible crap, theyre just bright little cartoon guys who want to go fish! n by god(s, in this games case) theyre gonna do it!!! n in the end... they may just decide to make things better for everyone else. the game has a good ending. its good guys. the game is good.

[misswoozi]

Okay cap. Johnny/Kun. It starts as a very casual 'youre sexy, im sexy' and also finding outside the industry partners is exhausting fwb situation. They were both also sleeping with other people from their group and others probably.

Somehow tho things started to get weird. One of them would get a bit moody when a 'you up??' Text got ignored, there was jealousy and possessiveness from both sides whenever members got together and sometimes even at award shows and performances.

Thing is neither of them would really talk about it directly. Instead the sex just got rougher and more desperate; they know better than to mark arms and necks but they got creative with hickies littering inner thighs and handprint bruises across asses. Slowly they stop seeing their other fwbs, canceling hookups for late night convenience store runs.

Eventually all 21 other members are pretty sure theyre in an official relationship and wondering why tf they havent been told. So, who calls them out, or is it a groupwide intervention?? Do they admit feelings then and there or do they say theyre just fucking and maybe talk about it later?? Do they last??

Sorry for the quality here, im making this up off the top of my head whilst cooking.

AKSLADGLSDGLS DON'T APOLOGIZE, THIS IS PERFECT, WE HEADCANON JOHNKUN THE EXACT SAME WAY?????

they are my go-to NCT angst ship lmaooo I feel like every group has one true Angst Ship that is just simply not meant to be endgame and never meant to have a happy ending and for me, it's JohnKun. Like yeah they like each other, yeah they're attracted to each other, yeah they make sense together but it's just not meant to be -- and when you factor in the fact that they're in 2 units of the same group that BARELY interact anymore, you have yourself a God Tier heartbreak ship and I am so fucking INTO IT

so! JohnKun, FWBs who secretly caught feelings but neither of them will admit it. like you said, they channel their jealousy into rougher and rougher sex (it's so tough because I think they're both pretty strict tops but I DO have a top!Johnny/bottom!Kun video on my Twitter that I'm obsessed with)

they fuck in secret for months before they get called out, and it's Jungwoo that confronts them about it. he pays attention and JohnKun have been acting shady towards each other in full group settings and he just says, "so how long have you two been sleeping together?"

Jungwoo calling them out finally forces them to sit down and talk and they decide to try DATING. and for half a year, it's a pretty good relationship. but they're both so stubborn in their own way and 127/WayV have such different schedules (sometimes even in different countries) and so it doesn't work out. it breaks both of their hearts WAY MORE than they let on (to each other or to their members) and it's a heartbreak that heals poorly but they get through it. full group promotions (like NCT 2021) are still a little hard but they're both moved on.

[abimee]

with regard to the question about bg: for one thing it depends on your computer, because mine’s pretty decent and bg absolutely destroys it. i have to restart it every couple of hours for the game to be playable at all in the latter 2/3 of it.

as for the gameplay, i know a lot of people who’ve never played dnd or anything and have had a lot of fun with it. i think the choice-based system can be really interesting. dark urge adds some mystery to your own character which is ALSO really fun (what i’m personally experimenting with rn). i genuinely think it’s a really fun game if you like to explore and problem-solve, but if puzzle/problem-solving isn’t your thing, then it’s probably not for you

and regarding wyll (you mentioned him in the tags and he’s my favorite. hi) i have to give you fair warning that some of his writing is really… either racist or distasteful, and also, despite how wonderful he is as a character, the writers constantly disregard him in favor of other characters who are less relevant in a lot of situations and it’s really infuriating if you go into it with him as the one you’re most interested in. i know this from experience. the fandom doesn’t help (AT ALL. but when does it ever.) but idk you may play it and love him extra out of spite like me 👍

the writing for some of the other characters (karlach and astarion are the ones i can especially speak to as of now) is REALLY good though. karlach is absolutely wonderful in a million ways and they give her a lot of development and focus, and astarion’s story is heartbreaking and a really well done example of breaking the cycle of abuse (if you play it right). honestly even just one of the two of their stories makes it worth it for me

tl;dr: it’s computer-hungry and the writing can be kind of janky sometimes but if you like problem-solving or choice-based gameplay, and you want to see a lot of really good characters with Similar Issues try to solve problems, it might be fun for you! sorry for the essay ✌️

sadly i am ass at problem solving so ill probably just have to watch someones BG3 wyll-romancing playthrough but i will meet him one way or another. im not actually interested in any of the women in specific (im neutral in that they seem fun but i hear nothing about them so i have no fucking clue what theyre like and im not really swayed by art of buff ladies or tits out pics. i am a nerd who likes 2 be hooked by lore) and astarion looks like the kind of character id bully for fun. but i will fucking meet wyll if tis the last thing i do

[the-blaze-empress]

What are your favorite things abt c!phil? i want to know his character better :3

OH ANON I WOULD BE DELIGHTED TO ANSWER THIS

god where to START hmmmmmm

okay ive stuck it under a read more because my god is there a lot. for anyone curious, i list off 10 of my favourite things about cphil (with explanations as to what an why), 10 of my favourite quotes, and also cover some more common fandom mischaracterisations

1 - his character design it's basic, but i need somewhere to start. i LOVE phils character design, idk, maybe its just something to do with birds and green and me being a cosplayer. especially his new skin! it has details, anon, and they all have meaning. i love me some details with meaning. and bc its minecraft, and because minecraft is pixels, theres SO MUCH ROOM FOR INTERPRETATION. anyone can go COMPLETELY ham with the design if they want to and they all look SO COOL.

2 - EMERALD DUO okay so ill say it outright; im a qpr emduo sorta person. at the very least im an ‘old friends/war buddies/ex emperors emduo’ person. dont get me wrong, techno is the eldest child, but in the dsmp, he’s not phil’s kid, they’re just really old friends. AND OH MY GOD I LOVE THEM. ‘for you the world’ NEED I SAY MORE??? the emeralds, the phil risking his life to protect techno from the butcher army, the techno worrying about phil participating in doomsday, the complete and utter undying trust they have in each other. theyre not perfect, they still disagree and still have differing opinions but they sort it out and compromise and make sure each other is always okay!!! them!!!

3 - birb cphil is a bird we all know this. and this is leaning more into fanon not explicitly canon, but im including it because i can. phil is bird, he has bird brain. bird instincts and bird features, like hollow bones, chirping, nesting, preening, all the good stuff. it adds a layer of depth to his character thats so fun to play with when writing!! there’s so much potential for both angst and fluff and i love it so much. also i just love birds so yknow. win win situation for me.

4 - family, its messy phil is part of what i believe is the biggest canonical family on the dsmp. there’s four generations ffs. he has a son, a grandson, even a great-grandson. and it’s not perfect. wilbur is. wilbur, but even though he went mad and even though he lied in his letters he still cared enough to send letters in the first place, phil still cared enough to read them. phil still cared enough to drop everything for his son. it was messy and it was heartbreaking but that is what it is to be a father, i think. sometimes whats right is whats hardest and its phils love for wilbur that was forever just so clear. its the way fundy fucked up, its the way phil fucked up in return, its the way they made up without properly making up but phil was always, always there for fundy, always cared for him at least a little, because that’s his grandson.

5 - leading on from the above, kristin!! ANON DO YOU KNOW HOW COOL IT IS FOR PHIL TO BE MARRIED TO THE LITERAL GODDESS OF DEATH?? phil is a trophy husband and you cannot convince me otherwise. his wife is SO COOL and SO POWERFUL and he loves her SO VERY MUCH. yeah sure hes a het guy in a homonormative society but i can forgive him for that because his wife is amazing. also less cphil, more ccphil, but i think its SO FUCKING COOL AND/OR FUNNY that ccphil literally just. wrote his wife into the dsmp on a whim. THATS how much he loves her that even tho shes not involved in this thing hes doing she’s still there in some sense.

6 - immortality yeah cphil CAN die, but here’s the catch; he doesn’t. hes functionally immortal and godddd i love it so much. hes so fucked up from it, but i love that about him (more on that point later). cphil has lived through so much and he has known so much and he has gained and lost SO MUCH but he’s still going strong, hes still loving and living and trying. who knows when he’ll finally die, not him and certainly not us.

7 - WOO TRAUMA mans is SO FUCKED UP. god where to even START with this. phil has not processed a single emotion in 500 years and he does NOT plan on starting now thank you very much. his sons death? nah lets build a country instead. watching his best friend be executed? nope not processing THAT lets find somewhere else to live oh yeah also i almost died. phils favourite thing is avoiding emotions and busying himself with some Other Task for Someone Else (new lmanburg, training room, various farms for techno, just to name a couple) so he Doesnt Have To Think About Anything. also perception of time? hell no he’s gonna be working for days without realising it. this is not healthy. he does not intend to stop. he blames himself for so much and rarely ever accepts help from anyone at all.

8 - kindness dont get me wrong if you get on the wrong side of phil you will find out exactly why some know him as the angel of death, but if ur not on that side of him, hes just. so kind and so caring. that one time when ranboo was deliberately trying to trigger the enderwalk out, and phil ran in and got rid of all the splash water bottles because he thought ranboo was getting hurt? yeah. that. protecting tommy without hesitation or question when dream was chasing him? yeah. that. building new lmanburg because tubbo had enough on his plate and he needed something to do anything to do he needed to keep his hands busy then it would be okay it had to be okay he had to be okay? yeah. that. visiting techno even while he was under house arrest to make sure he was okay? yeah. that.

9 - hes such a chaotic little fuck this is something a LOT of the fandom seem to. ignore. phil is not this sophisticated, calm, rational father figure. he can be sometimes (at a push) but thats not who he is. he’s an absolute chaos machine, and a fucking deadly one at that. he’s bored and you’re in the general vicinity? bye living! i think its well summed up in that one clip of phil and techno in a village, and techno’s grabbing a couple supplies here and there, and phil is just fucking gutting the place even if he doesnt actually need those supplies. he will murder (for fun), he will explode shit (for fun), he will cause mass genocide (for fun), he will fucking. idk he’ll do it all for fun.

10 - history imo, phil and techno are some of the best—if not the most—fleshed out characters in the dsmp. part of this, i reckon, is because of the history they have. you cannot talk about dsmp cphil properly without acknowledging smp earth and hardcore at the very least. the antarctic empire is there, phil and techno carry its shields and wear its colours. the angel of death is familiar to most if not all, the love for fucking freezing temperatures is there too. phil did decanonise the connection to hardcore, but a) many people who care ignore that, b) i ignore that, and c) it was there for at least a little, it had influence for at least a little. cphil is and old character, he didn’t just blip into existence in the dsmp, he has real, solid, pre-established history.

---

and now for some of my favourite cphil quotes!!

1 - Things, buildings, they can be replaced! People can't be replaced. I'm not losing anyone else... I'm not losing anyone else. Not to this bullshit. 

2 - (“Since when was this a Philza Minecraft thing?”) “Since I was forced to kill my own son, you idiot!”

3 - look i made this entire section to include One Specific Quote except i now cannot find that quote. fuck this fuck me. it was something phil said in chat at one point, he was talking to sam, saying how he [phil] was immortal, he had seen nations rise and fall, he had seen people like sam who craved power come and go with little consequence. its a good quote, trust me, ill put it here when/if i can find it.

4 - "I've seen this 'government', on this server... Everything to do with government has just been bad so far. (...) I've watched it completely destroy and tear down people's wills, and change people... I've seen it change the nicest people into complete and utter tyrants. So I think it's about time.”

---

okay quotes over now for some common fandom mischaracterisations, since u said u wanted to know cphils character better

1 - bad dad phil this one really gets me. i hate it, genuinely. phil was never and is not a bad dad. im not saying he was perfect, but he was not a bad dad. it is not his fault wilbur went mad, it is not his fault tommy was hurt so much in exile (more on that later), none of this is his fault. phil cares so much about his family and does everything he can for them, he was never neglectful or absent or anything of the sort.

2 - sbi family dynamics THESE HAVE BEEN DECANONISED BY LIKE EVERYONE IN SBI FOR THE DSMP. MULTIPLE TIMES. tommy was never phils son, he was just some kid phils actual son knew. techno is phils old friend, not his son. wilbur, however, is his son

3 - calm collected eloquent father SOMETIMES phil can have good fatherly advice. other times he really fucking does not!! cphil is shit with words, if you want someone whos always expressing their emotion in elegant prose, look at techno, not phil. he tries, he really does, but his perception of normality is warped, and sometimes he just doesnt fucking care?? hes chaotic and fairly independent, and yeah okay he may have taken in TWO stray kids (tubbo, when he was a child, and ranboo after doomsday) but hes not the like. serial adopter some people make him out to be

---

so yeah, thats cphil for you! im more than happy to go into more detail about any of the above things, just ask! that goes for literally anyone btw. ill happily talk about fanon and more fandom characterisations, but ive tried to keep it as close to canon as i can so far. what’s great is that despite what he claims, ccphil is an excellent roleplayer and general storyteller, hes always adding little details and explaining reasoning behind things, so theres so much nuance and so much depth to cphil and the section of the world he inhabits. can you tell that cphil is my favourite character perhaps.

[thethirdtimee]

He loves her you can tell when he talks to her on the phone 

You can hear it in his voice, a tone I havent heard before 

Coming out of his mouth only for her 

Love and adoration, softness and familiarity, in a world of their own he falls into 

Im surprised he even noticed I left the room 

I dont know who he really is. Only the part of him he shows 

To strangers hes just met 

Not the true version of himself he shows to those who knows his soul 

Who he loves with his heart 

His friends and family back home. 

Sometimes I forget, he makes it so easy acting so friendly 

creating a connection we seemed to share, but I dont know if it is real

Hes good at having acquaintances and making them feel like theyre more 

this heartbreak is my mistake because he's given me clues in between the heartfelt words 

when he said he won’t think of me once we part ways,

The way he compares me, out loud, to her

Her pretty freckles and her love for foot massages how shed be jealous he's giving me one now 

I think we are both confused, because when Im fucked up 

I see my first love’s face on every guy in the room 

I look around in wonder, because I was so caught up in the moment and not thinking about anyone but the person in front of me

I guess my heart and soul knows what I want more 

and its my mind that is the one caught up in him

we are both on the same page, not loving each other but other people

so a message to myself

Remember all this, the next time you feel sick to your stomach when he calls her on the road and your waiting in the car wondering where hes gone off to. 

[pr3ttybunnyboy]

this is just me yapping about my special interest (fob) so if u dont wanna see that keep scrolling

i know rpf is like. woaw hot topic bad thing sometimes but man even in a platonic sense pete and patrick are just like. peak mlm/t4t (im delusional i know) relationship?? (whole band is lowkey polycule goals but thats another topic and so is how trans people find comfort in their appearances over the years)

like, who in their right heterosexual mind would get into PHYSICAL fights with Some Kid who you begged and pleaded with to be your vocalist, just because you wanted to make him see the sense in the words youre trying to suggest he writes?? who would look lovingly at said vocalist for all twenty (20.) years of knowing each other. through heartbreak and addiction and suicide and hiatus and a literal fucking pandemic, and theyre STILL making heart eyes at each other and singing each others praises and talking about how theyre soulmates and one in the same and they write fucking soooongs about each other that patrick composes full of words that pete wrote about him! thats fucking gay as hell and so romantic!

and like. cis people dont fully grasp gender dysphoria (love yall but its true i fear), and sometimes not even body dysmorphia, but pete would *lie* about their clothes shrinking in the wash when patrick was still insecure about his weight and would give him his *own* shirts to wear. one of the pros about t4t relationships is trading clothes that fit the other person better and help them feel better! ALSO pete was the one who suggested patrick wear his hats to overcome his social anxiety and stage fright and to me that is exactly like showing someone how to bind or tuck properly to help them feel euphoric about themselves im not sorry

and, also, pete wears skirts and wears his hair long and is SO comfortable in it and it shows! people write 'him' (their idea of him obv) as being transfem more than they did in the past because he just radiates that energy now more than ever! and he fucking encourages it, he has a whole spiel he does about KEEP WRITING WEIRD SHIT and we do!

yes this makes NO sense to anyone except for me and i DONT care im autistic and passionate and i think i may be sick because i feel feverish help me