#they’ve been a part of my life for as long as i’ve had a period

[sunshinethena]

my partner yelling at me as i open my photos to look at dan and phil screenshots “LEAVE THEM ALONE”

[kkoffin]

I’m never getting over how you say “a woman is an adult human female” (or they ask you to define female) and they say “WOW SO A WOMAN IS NOTHING MORE THAN A WOMB TO YOU”

Did you miss the “human” part? Yes, female, as a term, means the sex in any species which has a large, immovable gamete. Do i think my dog is the same thing as a woman because they have the same sex? They’re both female? No. Because of the “human” part.

Both men and women are human people. the difference, the reason for this split in category, is sex. Yes, the difference between a man and a woman is reproductive organs. Not their feelings, or attachment to being feminine, or whether or not they’ve got a dress on. The reason for this particular categorical split is which reproductive organs they’ve got.

Now what would happen if we in this hypothetical, instead of splitting by sex, we split by hair colour. Now we’ve got brown hair people and black hair pe- WOAH ARE WE DEFINING THEM BY THE COLOUR OF THEIR HAIR!? THATS BIOESSENTIALISM (apparently. no it’s not, that’s not what the word means, but that’s a topic for another day.) no. we just divided them by hair colour, and now we are labelling the categories that arise. they are still humans. “adult human brunette” if you will.

The “human” part includes life, or anything typical to being human. Thoughts, feelings, interests, self expression, relationships, literally just about everything to… being a person. And here’s the fun part! That can be different for every single woman! A woman can be any human, and do anything! Only other necessary parts are being female and being adult. The “female” part will mean you are a victim of misogyny and patriarchy, and you’ll likely be raised a little differently. Radfems want women to be free from misogyny and patriarchy, so we band together, against the oppressor, men, to make change.

Being female affects women in a very impactful way. Yes, the reproductive organs. Through periods, and pregnancy, hormones and simply having a vagina. Men like having access to a vagina, and they, for a lot of history, have been provided social advantages, though having more muscle mass, not getting pregnant, not having periods. They’ve long considered women, and their vaginas, to be their property. Women, again, because of men’s social advantages, were barred from much of society. Voting, dominion, rights, ability to be employed and have financial freedom. Men like having access to a vagina so much that women were sold to a husband, and had no freedom in the matter at all.

Today, women have been given many rights, but men still really like having access to a vagina, so they rape and sexually assault women (also misogyny is still deep in our society; in our media, our subconscious, etc). This is a Bad Thing, so women want to be free from it. Thus, we want spaces where we are vulnerable to be just for women. Not men that are feminine, or men that feel they are women, but women as in the sex-based group that’s been the victim to fgm and pregnancy and majority of rape, sex trafficking, sexual assault and harassment, etc this whole time.

Now! I can hear you! “but men get raped too!” You are so right! They are also 99% of offenders of rape. So sorry, but yes, the feminists, the women protecting women, striving for women’s liberation from patriarchy, still don’t want men in these spaces. Also being raped doesn’t make them a woman. Nothing makes a man a woman. (and before you bring up intersex people, I want you to know A) all intersex people are either male or female, a developmental disorder doesn’t take that anyway; B) every intersex person I’ve ever met fucking hates being used as an example to imply there are some people that are “less woman” or “less man”. )

Women were never and have never been oppressed because of their feelings or because they wear a dress - wearing the dress was a part of the oppression in fact. Women have always been in their disadvantaged group because of our sex. Because men like having access to a vagina, and we’ve been deemed weaker and inferior by men because of our organs.

There’s a reason why many women are offended if you call them “females” alone (see: alpha male podcasts) - it’s because it’s missing the “human” part, and it can feel degrading. It does include animals. “Female” either includes all females of all species and forms of life, or it’s an adjective. Woman are adult human females. Human.

@smokeweedeattherich

Anyways yeah, it’s rly not the terf-destroyed slay moment you think it is; it’s just you being kinda illiterate.

[drdemonprince]

Hi Devon, anon from awhile ago who was taking the escitalopram but wanting to come off it.

I did taper off. Albeit far too quickly and without doctor input, which is generally how I roll once I’ve made a decision.

Felt ok for the first few days then full withdrawals hit me. Spent a week feeling disassociated, exhausted, very fragile and getting “zap” sensations in my body and mind. Especially with any kind of sensory input, my body interpreted it as a kind of threat. A hair across my face, breeze, anyone talking to me…

It’s been pretty miserable. My daughter who I mentioned who was also put on it told me when she tried to come off it felt that way for months (and she’s not even autistic) and in the end went back on it because she couldn’t cope.

But I’m determined to get off them.

I haven’t gotten the Sam e as you recommended yet, firstly because they’ve told me taking both while the escitalopram is still in my system is a bad idea, and also because I want to kind of feel what it’s like to be on nothing for awhile.

But anyway last night something awesome happened. I was watching Bluey with my nephew (highly recommended haha) and something really sweet happened in the episode. I felt myself get teary, then immediately started crying because I got teary.

It’s been such a long time since I’ve had any real emotions. And a big part of wanting to come off the meds was that I missed the Intense Good feelings and reactions that I had. Life was entirely dull and neutral.

This morning a story about a couple adopting a baby came on tv and I cried again. It was awesome.

I feel like shit, I’m not sleeping and I’m still super disassociated and in sensory overwhelm.

But it’s worth it.

I read a Substack piece around SSRIs which said “the period in which one starts or stops an SSRI is extremely dangerous. Your brain chemistry is adapting. And your suicide risk actually increases, not least because you have taken steps and expect to be cured but aren’t. This proves especially challenging in volatile adolescent brains, but is an issue for us all.”

That’s not ever talked about and certainly not cautioned by my doctor or pharmacist.

I guess my whole point here is a word of caution around going on them on the first place, especially for Autistic people who might be more sensitive to the effects. I know there’s a place for them. But I wish I hadn’t started them and I wish my daughter hadn’t been put on them at 16.

Life is meant to be a mix of emotions and killing all emotions is just too much of a sacrifice to make. Definitely a lesson learned for me.

Thank you so much for sharing this!

[wandering-trader-joes]

So idk if this is a hot take or not, but I liked the end of TLOVM Season 3.

(More under the cut? Is that what they say?)

TL;DR: this version of Bard’s Lament fixed a problem I had with the original campaign, I think all the wrap up at the end was probably done as well as it could’ve been, and the way it ends with a tenuous semi-resolution is in-keeping with the way that it played out in game, albeit in a more condensed format.

———

The main thing I’ve seen people talking about is the lack of Bard’s Lament (kinda), and I was upset about that idea at first too. But honestly, I think this change does a lot of justice specifically to the relationship between Scanlan and Pike.

A lot of what happened in Bard’s Lament was due to the fact that nobody noticed that Scanlan was struggling, and that’s all well and good except for the fact that Pike absolutely would have.

The only reason she didn’t was because Ashley Johnson herself wasn’t able to be there. Idk about anyone else, but that narrative gap due to “meta interference” has always bothered me. I kind of love that they were able to rectify that in the show, and give us the way that Bard’s Lament likely would have gone if real life didn’t get in the way.

We finally get to see how it would have went down if Pike didn’t have such a Blind Spot, and I love that for her.

———

I’ve also seen people talking about how the ending felt lackluster, and I can see where they’re coming from, but I personally disagree.

I was a little anxious at the start of episode 10 when they started to split up to do a bunch of the previously group-based activities, but I was pleasantly surprised to find that, aside from not getting the group kill on Ripley, it didn’t bother me that much (and we still got the “one arrow in her heart and another in her mouth while she screams”, which makes me happy).

Especially because it gave time to see more of the twins on their own (which I will always take more of) and let Keyleth do her Earth Ashari stuff, which we didn’t even get in the original show as it happened pre-stream (but would’ve felt weird to leave out here given that they haven’t established that). And we finally got EarthElemental!Keyleth. It’s Key-teor time!

It also put her Aramente into more of a focus in her life, which needed to happen at some point anyway. And they still got to be together (kinda) for the final showdown against Raishan, so the conclusion was still there.

———

In the campaign, they had this weird kind of limbo period (the part with Tary) before the year-long gap where they were sort of just tying up loose ends. That felt fine as a game, but would’ve been super clunky on TV. So I’m glad that they found other ways to get the group to the point where it felt like going their own ways for a while was okay and also necessary (though I do wish we had gotten more of the twins struggling with the idea of being away from each other). I just really needed Vax to get his year in Zephrah!

All that being said, I am a little sad that we probably won’t get Tary in the show.

———

The vibe that I always got with the Vecna arc was that the group was pretty much ready to settle into their non-adventuring lives before they had to stop the end of the world again (aside from Scanlan stuff, but I already talked about that). In order for that to be the case, they need to have a period of time where it kind of feels like everything is wrapped up and happy. In my opinion, they were quite successful in this regard, which is impressive given how they were able to get there in only 3 episodes.

Idk I’ve just been wondering for a while about how the were going to navigate this part of the campaign, and I’m quite pleased with how they managed it. That’s not to say it’s perfect, but I feel as content with it as I do with all the other changes they’ve made whilst adapting to a different medium.

———

… also I’ve been wanting to gush over one tiny detail. I love the way that Vax’s interaction with Orthax went. Not only because of how it finally established him and Percy as brothers, but it’s also a cool way to loop in his multi-classing. Orthax specifically talks about Vax giving in to vengeance, and in the campaign he becomes a VENGEANCE Paladin! I thought it was a really fun way to kind of hint at that shift without needing to get into the dnd of it all :)

[rosyronkey]

hi! i wrote an essay about rosy ronkey and her clothes, and i hypothesized what time period i think shes from/inspired by ^^ below if you wanna read more :))

ive been fixated (or had a special interest or whatever you want to call it) on rosy ronkey for a YEAR today. i've always been pretty interested in her outfit from an aesthetically pleasing point of view, but recently i wanted to see if i could find any trends and time periods in the inspirations of her clothes, which is what this essay is about! it’s going to be an explanation of most of her clothes, top to bottom, from what i can assume with the research i've done. i say research, but i probably don’t have the best sources? they’ll be linked below, but it was really more cross-referencing than anything else lol

i reached out to annie montgomerie for comment/criticism, but she’s obviously very busy and i enjoyed my research from a subjective point of view :)

basic specs on rosy (no one else but me cares): looking at rosy, the only zoomorphic, or animal looking, aspect of hers is her head. judging by proportions and cross-referencing, she looks to have the body of an american girl doll. this is just what i’ve noticed, but annie’s most recent stuff is way less anthropomorphized compared to rosy and the group she was made with. looking at annie’s most recent exhibit, hand me downs, every single piece is completely animal, with hand-sculpted claws, paws, wings and hooves. some of these dolls legs still look like american girl doll legs, but most everything else is animalistic. this isn’t important, but i just thought id mention it because artists’ growth over time is cool!

starting with her coat, it looks like a double-breasted red childrens’ coat with two rows of two buttons each. these kinds of coats are still available today, but i could find the closest matches by looking at 1920s childrens’ coats, specifically rothschild coats. the rothschild family has a long and complicated history, but all that’s important to know is that they are new york based (which doesn’t totally fit my assumptions about her; in general i assume all of annie montgomerie’s dolls are british because of her nationality) and they’ve been in business for over 100 years. by cross-referencing the growing style of double-breasted coats in the 1920s, and the style of rothschild childrens’ coats in ads from the time, i feel like it’s easy to assume rosy's character has this coat, or at least was very heavily inspired by it.

a theory i’ve seen before is that the ticket on her coat is a luggage label. these were used during WWII to evacuate british children during the blitz. the history press site says luggage labels listed “name, school and evacuation authority,” and is also where i got most of my information. i want to tentatively deny this theory. i'm pretty sure the ticket is an annie montgomerie staple opposed to a part of rosys' character. she's shown with the tag in the yorkshire sculpture park video, and on gerard way’s website, but she’s missing it in all the photos posted by annie montgomerie herself on facebook and instagram. almost every single annie montgomerie piece on display or for sale has a tag as well. i love this theory, and it’s probably what got me interested in researching her outfit in the first place, but i don’t think i could prove it if i tried.

other than the ticket, she has white roses on the left side of her coat and some smaller twigs? sticks? pinned to her collar. white roses symbolize purity, youthfulness, innocence, and in some contexts, respect for the departed. i couldn’t find any historical photos of children with roses in their outfits, but across the board that was the result i got for their meaning. i can’t discern what she has on her right collar for the life of me, if someone else can figure this out, PLEASE tell me

her dress is pink, with a cinched embroidered waist and a peter pan collar. peter pan collars became popular in the 1920s, and have been a staple of childrens’ dresses since (sources for this one were a few blogs and wikipedia, but also some ads, so i feel pretty confident with it.) some ads for girls’ dresses in the 1920s had the same soft pleats and embroidered waist as seen on rosys’ dress. i don’t think there’s a meaning behind the color, except that it compliments the red coat and her fur.

her stockings are standard, I couldn’t find much special meaning behind them, british children have been wearing stockings forever, and for girls especially, stockings became more popular in the 1920s as dresses got shorter. usually they were sheer and nude, and rosys’ look like the gray kind kids wear today, but i think it’s still period appropriate to an extent. her shoes look like red mary janes for american girl dolls, just more scuffed and dirtied. mary jane shoes themselves have been around for a while (called “bar shoes” originally,) but they got their name in 1904. in one of the first drafts for this, i read the fairy tale “the red shoes” to see if it offered any insight. i thought it’d be fun to relate, but it’s just a popular danish fairy tale, and it was hard for me to entertain the idea for long.

TLDR: i think rosy ronkeys outfit is inspired by british 1920s fashion!

that’s all I have! i apologize if this was underwhelming or overwhelming or whatever, i had no model to base this off of and the only tumblr essays i read are from my friends <3 i hope you enjoyed! i love rosy ronkey!

link to my dumbfuck google doc with all the links and braindump on it :)

[indiaalphawhiskey]

India, why do some larries now believe H and L broke up and hooked up with others while being on a break/ breaking up? I see those asks almost everywhere.

The simple answer: most of those asks are trying to sow discord amongst larries and take the temperature of blogs to see where they can find someone to take the bait so they can attack the chink in the armor.

But, if you’re genuinely asking where the general ‘idea’ of a break/break up has come from, personally and from my experience in fandom, I think looking at certain periods of time in their life with the benefit of hindsight, it becomes easier to see when something shifted.

For me, it always struck a chord with me how adamantly Louis refuses to sing Miss You on tour, because of the way he talks about that song: it seems like it’s got some very painful memories attached to it.

I think it’s a little obstinate to insist they never once took time apart. That’s just not particularly realistic to me, considering the intensity of everything they’d gone through — extreme closeting, loss, hiatus, getting their solo careers off the ground, learning to tour without always being in each other’s back pocket, just growing up and changing. That kind of growth takes a lot out of any human, nevermind a human constantly in the spotlight.

And yes, while I personally know of couples who have weathered some pretty bad storms together without breaking up, it was not an easy feat, and it’s hard to expect that from anyone, especially in your early 20s.

It seems like, in this fandom, there’s only room for two schools of thought. Either, A) they have and have always had the perfect relationship and have never once thought of letting go, or B) they’re over and have been for a long time. Usually, like with everything in life, the truth lies somewhere in the middle.

Life is long and some of it is very hard, and sometimes love is enough and sometimes it isn’t, and sometimes you find your way back to each other, and sometimes you don’t. There’s no template, there’s no right way, there’s no instruction manual.

What do I believe? I believe they fell in love young, and it was the kind of love that fundamentally changed them and tied them together forever. I believe that if they parted ways, it was because they needed to grow and cope with some very harsh realities and in turn, figure out how to be better people and better partners. I believe they have found their way back to one another, and are currently trying to balance their goals as a couple with the limitations of their industries and the world.

Whether or not they hooked up with other people has never mattered and will never matter to me, because I will literally never know and therefore don’t care. Like I’ve said before, the only person who can decide what kind of love is “right” or “enough” for them is the person receiving that love. And in my opinion, they’ve both decided they’re ‘it’ for each other, whoever they are or aren’t, and whatever they have or haven’t done. And as someone who is simply observing that love from the outside, that’s enough for me.

[nalyra-dreaming]

I’m a long- time reader of the VC - read the first 4 books in 1994 at the ripe old age of 12 and then eagerly kept up after that. I did the message boards thing and the live journal thing as a teen and young adult. I’ve been in this fandom a long time, and it’s interesting to see how show-only viewers see things.

One thing I’ve enjoyed with the show are the little ripple effects of the changes they’ve made to the time period, and to some of the characters races, ages, and origins. For the most part I’m in love with how these changes enrich and expand the story, lending new thematic weight to different aspects of the story.

I am having trouble processing the implications of one change, though, and wonder at your thoughts. One impact of changing Claudia’s age and origins is that her death no longer truly feels inevitable or necessary. Claudia of the books is trapped in a five year old’s body with a five year old’s cognitive development. No matter how long she lives or what that changes within her, she can never be free and independent. I think the core tragedy of Claudia is this inevitability. She must die. Lestat and Louis fail her by extending her life and rendering her into this unnatural, helpless creature of unquenchable appetites. Her death is tragic but also a mercy. It makes sense when you consider the loss Claudia’s character was born from. I think Anne wrote her the way she did as a way of letting go of her daughter. She wrote a story where eternal life as a child was a misery to be released from. Claudia’s end is tragic but also merciful. I have a five year old son; I would not want such endless suffering for him.

But Claudia in the show absolutely can survive and find fulfillment and meaning. We see that with the glimpses of her short life with Madeline. Even if they eventually parted ways, she could absolutely continue on. The audience feels this even more acutely because both Bailey and Delaney look like grown women. It’s hard to suspend disbelief enough to see them as young enough to be doomed. This fundamentally changes what Claudia’s story means. It ripples onto all the other characters as well. The way we read them and their arcs and involvement is deeply impacted by the implications that Claudia didn’t have to die. It changes the nature of the tragedy, and though I think her character has provided interesting insights into womanhood and growing up, I don’t know that this thematic change benefits the overall story. Still processing it, but feeling rather divided. And I can feel the new, show-only fan discourse barreling towards us like a boulder speeding down a hill.

Hmmm. So I get what you mean (also high-fives you, I'm a handful of years ahead but also went through all the "old fandom" stuff.)

Claudia's tragedy ... is changed, true. But she is still failed. By everyone who was supposed to take care of her. Her mother died, her father failed her, her auntie, too. Her "adopted" fathers failed her, too, though not really for lack of trying, but for the simple reason that they used her - they wanted her as something to bind them together, and she simply could not be that. The other vampires fail her, both in malicious and also pitiful ways. Armand - as the leader of the Parisian coven - should have protected her, after she joined.

They all fail her. Because Louis and Lestat, and Armand (and Santiago and the coven)... use her.

And I feel that the tragedy of her life is made all the clearer here, because she never stood a chance.

She found her "x", she found a way out, on her own devices, despite everything.

But she is pulled back, and used again, for a mock trial, a mock purpose. (Another parallel to Lestat here, who is also used throughout the chronicles.)

I would not want book!Claudia's fate for my child either. I can understand why Anne had to change the original book fate (which was her getting away!) to the one we have now. I get it.

But the show added more possibility to Claudia's fate. More... opportunity. In theory.

But she was never able to really take that opportunity, because she was locked into her existence by them. Not only into a teenage body, but also into the vampiric existence.

As soon as she gets away... there are machinations to pull her back. Literally in s1. More subtle in s2.

She cannot get away... because others use her - again.

Personally, I find that even more bitter.

[theeternalwombtarot]

What lessons are you learning in love right now

message: I’m working through my drafts just as I said I would, the time for this reading has come because I feel called to do it and so I will. Things have been tiring and I am in the process of releasing many things as I’m being guided to do during this eclipse taking place at this time. I’m mourning many losses, I’m holding onto my hope, holding onto my strength, I’m resting, I’m healing, I’m transforming. I’m taking with me not pain but lessons. I’m spinning gold out of what I’ve been given. To love is such a wonderful blessing and beautiful gift, even when loss is inevitable or when it is given to you at the very end every time. So we’re going to find out what lessons you’re learning in love today collective. Thank you for co creating this reading with me, for spending time with me, for enjoying my content, and for growing and transforming with me. You are so loved. <3

***

i.

Pile one, a good amount of your lessons in love in general and not just at this current moment could be centered around your self-worth and learning it. You could’ve been burned a lot by past lovers or have had some trivial and complex relationships that issues may have lied in your ability to understand your worth, ask for more, and accept more. This hasn’t changed. Your current lessons that you’re learning in love still lie in you having an awakening regarding your self-worth. Some of you are divine beings and are meant to do incredible things and take on leadership roles in life and part of this is going to require you to step into your power and really be a big influence and a big energy in everything you do. Many of you already take on a lot of leadership roles and are mentors and highly valued individuals in your lives but there’s more for you to unlock here.

This past relationship you’ve just gotten out of could’ve flipped yet another switch in you. I’m seeing a huge panel here with a lot of red buttons and/or switches. Everytime you come out of a relationship that was meant to shake you or push you into a different energy and you overcome another button is pushed and another switch is flipped. The number 94 could be significant to you in some way shape or form as it represents progress and spiritual growth. “It encourages you to pursue your goals even if they seem difficult or impossible. Your angels will work along side you as long as you stay committed and focused on reaching success. With determination, anything is possible!” There’s a message here about you not settling for less I’m hearing or continuing to ask for more and raise your price, and add tax.

I’m hearing someone needs to detox the body here as well. You can be sick from something you ate, I feel stomach pain and discomfort in the body, you could have just finished a period if you’re a woman and may be in need of a acv detox bath, you may be feeling thirsty and dehydrated. You’re undergoing transformation and may be tired and feel as though you’re undergoing some sort of “recovery”. Butterflies and their transformation from a caterpillar into their final form could be significant. The divine feminine, the divine mother, the womb, all significant symbolism and imagery.

Someone is stepping further into their divinity with a catalyst in love they’ve just experienced recently as well. I hear spirit saying you’re very close or you’re red hot. The lesson you’re learning right now is regarding serving yourself Justice however difficult of a task it may prove to be. Spirit is putting emphasis on the idea that you’re the creator of your own reality and the way you choose to live your life, who you choose to spend time with you, to have access to your vessel, to your temple, to your heart, and to your mind all falls into your hands here. For many of you in this collective, feminine deities and strong matriarchal women in your blood line stand firmly behind you.

The lessons you’re learning in love also pertains to you overcoming a fear of change and being able to be more fluid in your life and in love here. You could have a hard time letting things go, heavily sentimental in matters of the heart or someone very emotionally passionate and driven. It makes it difficult for you to let go of heartbreak and let go of love when it’s time has passed or far gone. Spirit wants you to learn the art of release, wants you to learn the art of transformation when it’s time to undergo change. Spirit is teaching you to see accurately how much power you hold in your relationships and in your connections. An opportunity to enjoy your energy, an opportunity to sit with you, an opportunity to simply be in your presence even platonically is a divine one, is a blessed one. Spirit says “see this and hear this now.” There will be no contradictions, no arguments, and no compromising on this whatsoever. Whomever comes towards you should be prepared to move mountains and come ready or not at all.

Spirit is teaching you that with one drop of disharmony or an ounce of energy that isn’t serving you or doing right by you that there is no harm in being alone or working alone. So much of your power is heightened in your solitude they say, “so why do you color yourself afraid?” Spirit wants you to know that happiness and fulfillment are always written in the stars for you alone or in a connection with someone whom you love. Your lesson is that it is okay to walk away when you aren’t being served Justice, you will serve yourself Justice.

***

ii.

The lessons you’re learning in love right now pertain to aspects of your shadow that have been keeping you stagnant for a long time now. Negative thoughts, self-imposed restrictions like behaviors and mindsets that keep you from receiving things you truly deserve, self-imprisonment, and even potentially a victim mentality where you may choose to ignore the truth when met with conflict and make yourself seem like the person in relationships whose being mistreated or burdened when in reality you’ve fallen short or have villainized your partner to make yourself feel safer. I’m hearing when criticized or when something is brought to your attention you may tend to fall into a habit of defending yourself, defending your behaviors, and even using your knowledge or ability to communicate to try and push others into thinking that they were wrong or that they’ve wronged you so you don’t have to feel vulnerable or take true accountability for your actions.

If this is true for you I do see a large amount of this behavior not being behavior that’s meant to be malicious or bring harm to others but that’s been adopted out of trauma and a desire to be seen and heard or even validated and enabled as much as possible because this may have been something you went long periods without receiving within your life whether it came from a healthy or negative place here. I’m seeing someone being yelled at regardless of their making positive decisions, someone who didn’t get positive feedback and affirmation when they did do good things in their romantic relationships, in their platonic relationships, and with their relationships from a familial standpoint especially as a child.

There are lessons in the idea of you deserving more self-care or deserving more self-respect from your self here, giving yourself the freedom to have good things, giving yourself the freedom to serve yourself Justice so that other people can serve you, Justice, giving yourself the freedom to relax into the energy of receiving kindness and genuine love and respect from people who fully intend to give it to you and serve you compensation for heartbreak and loss. But there are also lessons here and understanding the fundamental bricks that makeup who you’ve become and how that seeps into your relationships as an individual, as someone with full autonomy and the ability to make their own decisions and show up as who they truly desire to be in love.

There’s a lot here, a message about stepping into your power and going against the status quo or challenging the status quo and blowing to smithereens preconceived ideas of who you should be and what you should accept whether these ideas were built around you or built by you. Spirit is also trying to teach you that there is more to love and connection than what the human world has taught you. There’s a message here about you coming to terms with the idea that love and true soul-deep connection goes against all logical ideas of what is possible here. You may be somewhat of a skeptic in the sense that you feel the extent of what we speak on (in regards to high-level soul connections and soul ties and soul connections in general) and how much power we give such things does not exist the way they are portrayed to exist but your resistance to these ideas highlights fear within self of true and deep attachment that cannot be destroyed or denied here.

There is knowledge and an aspect of yourself and your spirit that you’ve not tapped into or are covering your ears and eyes to out of fear. You are keeping yourself small in all aspects out of fear and choosing to create delays, tell yourself lies, and hide within your shadow and within the ego. Your recent failures in love and experiences in love teach you things regarding the need to let go and surrender to the divine plan and surrender to the change and transformation you must undergo to step into your power although it is scary and casts light on aspects of you who’d rather sit in the dark and hide away.

There are breakthroughs and mental clarity being birthed and given to you through love and heartbreak and the ups and downs and fluidity of human connection here. There’s something significant here about heart break and your past relationships or misaligned relationships here. You could be experiencing heartbreak or these back-to-back heart chakra awakenings that were sent to you to awaken you to your unhappiness in some of your relationships as well as the reason they may not have worked out because of aspects of your shadow here. You could’ve spent a lot of time in unhappy relationships in your past that you romanticized or glorified due to trauma that could’ve brought some semblance of heartbreak to you.

There’s also another connection I see here with a high priestess or someone who holds great divinity who could’ve given you true heart break or showed you what it means to lose someone whom you shared a true love with or a divine connection with here that’s highlighting and emphasizing this nine of cups in reverse, all this unhappiness and all of these ego. Ego death is highly significant for this pile. When this person leaves they trigger tower moments, where this person goes, rebirth occurs whether they mean to or not. They’re heavily supported and looked after by important deities. This person has an older soul and has walked through many lives being love, war, desire, and temptation, and all things that sit within the human shadow and all of its complexity. Your lesson lies in your shadow, your authenticity, and your ego. It’s time to undergo immense change even if it is difficult, painful, or scary.

***

iii.

Right now spirit may be potentially highlighting some co-dependent habits and behaviors in love for you pile three. There’s also a potential for some lessons regarding you honoring your feelings and your heart here. You may be someone who is prone to staying in situations that aren’t serving them and will not serve them out of codependency. True love could’ve been presented to you or there is someone that you loved here who was shown to you that you could’ve parted from. The love you had for this person represented love that you could’ve had for yourself but you ran from this person out of fear and made the decision to fall into karmic cycles or continue to invest your energy into karmic cycles and your window to make a different choice was closed on you here.

Your lessons in love, in general, as well as of late lie in your self respect and the need to reinvent who you are and who you choose to be. Something is incredibly significant about your choices here. You may be choosing to mimic certain examples you’ve seen in your life pertaining to who to be, or what love looks like instead of choosing to go in the opposite direction and choose differently to bring yourself true fulfillment. Spirit asks when you’re going to make choices that reflect back to you self love and a desire to be free. The words unfair are coming out here. I’m hearing someone complaining or validating that their life and their experiences are harsh and unfair but not taking the initiative to make better choices.

There’s a masculine energy here or a father that may play a huge role in your decisions and the way you view yourself, view relationships and navigate issues in your life here. If this is not the case there is still issues and misalignment regarding the making of decisions and creating healthy and aligned foundations for yourself in order to flourish. Spirit is saying that your experience in love or what you’re learning in love is necessary in order to push you to step into your power and find it within yourself to full your own cup and fulfill your souls purpose. You could be experiencing a large amount of issues within your current relationship or within your relationships in general both platonic and romantic that are contributing to an ego death or heart chakra awakening so that you can turn inwards and see yourself and see your surroundings for what they are and understand that you’re settling.

Spirit is shining light on your unhappiness and dissatisfaction with a lot of things within your life right now including relationships and spirit wants to know what you’re going to do about it?? Your lesson in love lies in how long you’re going to sell yourself short, settle for less than you deserve, and continue to remain stagnant for no reason other than to push against change and push against the current. Your soul family is not within the circle of people or the lovers that you invest your energy into, those people aren’t meant for you, those people won’t fill your cup whilst you attempt to fill theirs, those people won’t bend over backwards for you the way you bend over backwards for them. Those people don’t love you. Your lesson lies in how long you’re going to hide behind your shadow and ignore the call forward to undergo much needed transformation and healing. When are you going to make the right choices?

[jujumin-translates]

★ Main Story | Act 13 - Budding Spring | Chapter 15 - Ketchuped To Hell

Company Employee A: I’m so sorry to bother you.

Company Employee A: We’ve been able to handle English-speaking and Asian countries just fine, but this region is a little more difficult for us and there aren’t many people in the company who would be able to help…

Company Employee A: I’ve been considering outsourcing, but I haven’t gotten approval yet. Please, can you at least make sure there aren’t any parts that could be misunderstood in the machine translation?

Chikage: That I can do easily.

Chikage: …

*Typing*

Chikage: (So this is the final document.)

Chikage: --.

Chikage: (...Same last name and everything. I still hate myself for reacting to it out of reflex.)

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

Tsumugi: It’s been quite a while since the voting period for the final selection started, and yet the notices of debut performances aren’t showing any signs of stopping.

Kazunari: And there are still just as many new troupe and troupe member recruitment notices too~.

Kumon: That reminds me, there was a kid in one of my classes that said they were thinking about starting to do theater.

Tsumugi: It seems like the more people are exposed to the opportunity, the more people become interested in it.

Tenma: And because of the SNS Votes, more and more theater companies are shifting their focus to streaming.

Omi: While working on a photoshoot the other day, I met someone who works in the film industry and they said they’ve suddenly been really busy lately.

Yuki: A lot of people’s impressions from overseas are starting to pop up online.

Tasuku: The new Fleur Award really is helping to bring life to the world of theater, just like they said at the first press conference.

Azuma: It’s especially amazing considering things have only just begun.

Sakyo: Yukio-san is the type of guy to be in the eye of the storm when it comes to theater.

Guy: With the increased attention on it, he and Kamikizaka must be very busy doing various interviews.

Sakyo: Well, I’m sure Reni-san’s handling it just fine.

Yuki: The number of reviews on the theater forums has gone through the roof, but a good chunk of them are pretty scathing.

Yuki: Even performances done by famous theater companies and playwrights are getting stuff like, “I couldn’t understand the dialogue because they talked too fast, but the costumes were cute, I guess.”

Yuki: And “It suddenly turned into a contemporary dance thing and I had no clue what it was supposed to mean, but overall it was interesting.”

Azami: Honest but harsh, I guess.

Sakyo: They probably didn’t understand the stylistic beauty of that troupe, so it’s likely just them being candid on their first time seeing them perform.

Tsuzuru: They’re interesting to read, but I fear the day they come after us.

Sakuya: I wonder what they’re gonna say about us…

Izumi: Let’s not overthink things and start catastrophizing. We’ll be fine as long as we be ourselves.

Itaru: Right. If we worry about it too much and disappoint our existing fans, we’ll become the harbingers of our own doom.

Yuki: Well, it’s probably best that we all limit ourselves when it comes to reading reviews.

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

*Door opens*

Yuzo: Mornin’.

Tsuzuru: Good morning.

Sakuya: Good morning! We’ll do our best today!

Izumi: Sorry to do this when you’re busy preparing things for your own troupe, Yuzo-san.

Yuzo: It ain’t a problem.

Itaru: Have you figured your attack plan for the Fleur Award on your end, Yuzo-san?

Yuzo: We’re just gonna do what we always do. That said, we got our asses kicked durin’ the pre-votin’.

Izumi: MANKAI Company placed 70th.

Yuzo: We were 103rd.

Sakuya: Furinkazan was!?

Tsuzuru: Even though you’re so popular your tickets sell out every show and you have a pretty solid fan base…

Yuzo: That’s ‘cause most of our fans are older.

Yuzo: So most of ‘em didn’t even know the pre-votin’ existed or if they did know, they didn’t know how to do it.

Yuzo: It’s gonna be a tough battle, but we’ve gotta fight in it in our own way.

Yuzo: Well, this ain’t the end of things, so we’re gonna take it at our own pace and not try to rush it.

Yuzo: But that’s just Yukio-san throwin’ us curveballs in the same way he always does. The things that guy comes up with never fails to amaze me.

Izumi: Haha… that’s him, alright.

Yuzo: Well then, if you’re all ready, then let’s get things started.

Sakuya: Okay! We’ll do our best!

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

Yuzo: …

Izumi: What do you think…?

Izumi: (I haven’t felt this kind of nervousness in a long while…)

Yuzo: Haaah… You’re as stiff as ever.

Yuzo: Given it’s a sequel to your debut performance, there ain’t any problems with the way you’re interpretin’ the roles, but overall, you’re fightin’ spirit just ain’t there.

Yuzo: Tsuzuru, you’re still havin’ your doubts about the script, and that’s why you’re not fully focused on the play, ain’t it?

Tsuzuru: …Yes.

Yuzo: And the rest of ya are too focused on wantin’ to put on a good performance to get the results ya need for the rankings.

Yuzo: ‘Course, puttin’ on a good performance does matter, but you guys should damn well know that by now.

Yuzo: Above all, you should think about what ya wanna convey and accomplish with this performance again.

Yuzo: Do ya wanna earn your spot in the rankings or do you wanna show off your growth…

Sakuya: --.

Yuzo: ‘Course, there’s nothin’ wrong with wantin’ recognition. But if that’s all you’re doin’ it for, then you’re just earnin’ points.

Yuzo: You’ll end up bein’ consumed by thoughts like, “If we do this, we’ll be more popular and get more points” or “If we do that, we can get some extra points”-- But what we’re doin’ is theater. It ain’t a competition.

Yuzo: What is a Spring Troupe play to you guys? What are you doin’ this for? Who’re you doin’ this for?

Yuzo: You’re doin’ a sequel of your debut play. What did that play mean to all of you back then?

Yuzo: If you’re gonna do a sequel to your debut performance, maybe it’s best ya go back to those origins and give ‘em a look over again.

Yuzo: …But do it with some caution, yeah?

Izumi: (I wonder if Yuzo-san is also pretty worried about the new Fleur Award.)

Izumi: (No, I’m sure companies other than Yuzo-san’s are worried too… We’re not alone in this.)

Izumi: (What place does our troupe have in the rapidly changing world of theater…)

Izumi: (Maybe we need to rethink the path we’re going to take.)

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

Citron: It has been a long time since we have been ketchuped to hell like that~.

Masumi: Criticized to hell?

Itaru: His kindness stat has been upped since back then, though.

Chikage: Isn’t that because of how much he approves of us?

Masumi: But that just makes fixing the parts he doesn’t approve of that much harder.

Sakuya: There… really is no easy answer, huh? Our Spring Troupe’s acting… our origin…

Tsuzuru: Who would’ve thought it’d be so hard just to be ourselves?

Chikage: Because sometimes you’re not the one to understand yourself the best.

Izumi: We decided to do this sequel in order to go back to our roots and remember where we started…

Izumi: So, what do you all think was the best part about Spring Troupe back during the first RomiJuli?

Sakuya: To be entirely honest with myself, my acting skills were horrible. All I had back then was my desire to act.

Tsuzuru: But you’ve still got that desire even now.

Sakuya: Yeah! If anything, I love and cherish theater even more than I did back then.

Masumi: So I wonder what we’re “lacking” now.

Itaru: I mean, I’m pretty sure I’m way more absorbed into theater than I was back then, at least.

Chikage: Our bonds as Spring Troupe have deepened and we’ve all improved too.

Citron: I do not feel like we are lacking anything~…

Masumi: But I get what Yuzo was saying.

Tsuzuru: Same here… He was right about me not being able to shake my hesitation about the script, too.

Chikage: Differences from our debut performance, huh…? For better or worse, this is no longer our “first time” on stage.

Itaru: You mean like our freshness is gone, or something? Well, there is a certain something about an author’s debut work, I guess.

Sakuya: You can only have one “first time”, so it’s not something you can do again, huh…

Tsuzuru: So, does that mean that, in a way, we’ll never be able to surpass our debut performance…?

Itaru: Sad, but true.

Masumi: Something that can’t be surpassed despite our improvement, huh…

Itaru: The impact of a first time and a blissfully unaware, reckless drive do have a certain power to them.

Sakuya: Hmm…

Izumi: …

Izumi: (Everyone seems gloomy now.)

Izumi: Let’s let this problem sit for a bit and each think about it more individually. We’ll have another meeting about it some other day.

Tsuzuru: Gotcha.

Itaru: …Yeah.

*Phone buzzes*

Sakuya: Ah--.

Izumi: The meeting’s over, so you’re okay to go and take that.

Sakuya: Sorry, excuse me, then.

*Footsteps*

Sakuya: --Hello, Sakuma speaking. I appreciate your call.

Sakuya: Um, I’m so sorry. About that…

*Door closes*

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

Iv: maintenance’s been extended

shiki: I have more exams tomorrow, so I probably won’t be able to play much today.

Iv: our’s start on thurs

Kar: Good luck

Iv: don’t you got em too?

Kar: Started the day before yesterday

Iv: oh, so you’ve already started

shiki: Cool about it as ever.

momo has entered the chat.

Kar: Yo

shiki: You’re late today.

Iv: you got exams too, momo?

momo: Ran away from home

Kar: Way to change the mood lmao

[ ⇠ Previous Part ] • [ Next Part ⇢ ]

[faegoddessog]

Not 'till Monday

Warnings: Explicitly mature content, 18+ only, clit play, fellatio, cum swallowing, cunnilingus, snowballing (male to female), Austin taking SUCH good care of you is SO many ways.

Summary: Recovering from surgery is tough. Doing it with Austin at your side is amazing with one exception-no orgasms allowed. I mean how did the doctor expect you to NOT be turned on when Austin is caring for you? It was fine for the first bit, but as you near the end of your blackout period it gets harder and harder, especially when he's vowed to abstain as well. Monday morning could not come soon enough and that goes for the both of you.

A/N: This little one shot was inspired by a convo with @purejasmine. I basically vomited it up in 24 hours. There are wee references to my other works and yeah, I have completely self serving fantasy that he'd read my work and go... 'damn... that's hot'. LOL! Let a girl dream!!!

Enjoy! let know if you'd like to be added to my tags list!

@purejasmine @slowsweetlove @richardslady121 @austinbutlerslovers

You weren’t gonna read it, your T-besties new dirty smut,  but the line just jumped out at you and now you couldn’t stop reading and re-reading just that one line.

“Is this what you want? For me to fill you with my cock?” 

Holy. Fuck. You shouldn’t be, but you are so fucking turned on right now. The fucking buzzing and throbbing of your pussy is out of control! Fuck! It is so intense, it's no joke.  You give in and read on. When you get to the mutual orgasm part, you squirm in your seat feeling your wetness literally bubbling out. What the actual fuck!

“I can control myself” you think, literally shaking.

Your throat vibrates with a needy groan as you toss your head back. ”Stop triggering me, bro!” you assert to the ceiling. 

“Are you ok, Princess?” his concerned voice calls down the hall from your bedroom. 

“Yes, I’m fine.. Well not fine.. But I’m ok” you shake your head, sighing, texting your t-bestie to fucking stop, tongue in cheek of course. You never want her to stop. 

“What’s wrong, what’d I do Baby,” his voice is hot in your ear, just moments before his hand crosses your upper chest. 

“Nothing you did Austin, my love. She’s just at it again,” you hold up your phone to show him the latest smut. 

“Princess, you should not tempt yourself. You know the doctor said no orgasms, not until Monday. You can hold out a couple more days,” he lightly kisses your cheek and walks around to sit on the couch with you. 

“I know, I know and I’ve been really good and you’ve been amazing. But she writes you so well… plus just having you around keeps me wet all the time.” 

“MMM I know, that’s one of a long list of my favorite things about you,” he purrs at you.

Austin has been a freaking angel sent from the beyond since your surgery.  Well, longer than that. He’s cooked for you, made sure you’ve stayed on top of your pain meds, stayed up at night to hold you in his arms until you fall asleep. He’s never missed a chance to take your walks with you. Even though they’ve had to be a little slower than usual. He holds your hand and points out animals and trees and the beauty of nature. You are so in love with him, he is the best thing that ever happened in your life. He even declined a project that was supposed to be starting this month because he knew you’d need him. 

“Bah, there will be others,” he’d said when you had protested, “I wasn’t sure I wanted to do it anyway. And I couldn't live with myself if something happened to you after surgery.” 

The flip side is that everything he does just turns you on, he is like your own personal interactive pornography. You have excellent self control, something you’d had to cultivate in your previous, toxic relationship. But this was testing your limits, you were starting to have a hard time concentrating on anything.

“I love that you don’t get weirded out by reading her smut that is about you.”  You nestle into his arms.  You two frequently read her stories together, getting so turned on that you fucked like bunnies. She absolutely loved the idea that her mind fuckery got the two of you off. 

“Heck no, not when she’s given us some of the best fucking ideas… like that one about cockwarming…or the one where I dominate you and call you Pet… damn that was one hot time.” He reaches down and adjusts himself. It’s been a while for him too, he vowed no orgasms for himself in solidarity. 

“Sweetheart,” you cover his hand with your own, your pinky brushing his burgeoning bulge, “if you want to you can jerk off. You want to cum in my mouth?” You feel bad for him, and you fucking love the taste of his cum. The idea of it makes your pussy throb. 

“No, no my Princess. I made a vow and I’m sticking to it. Besides, I was once a teenaged boy, I’ve had plenty of hard-ons that I’ve not played with, and I KNOW how hot that makes you. No way.” 

 He stands up and offers both hands to help you stand up. 

“C’mon, I have a surprise for you.” 

He leads you down the hallway, through your shared bedroom and into the bathroom. The tub is filled with steaming water, the scent of lavender and chamomile drift in the air. Two glasses of sparkling water and a plate of your favorite foods sit by the side. You two bought this house in part because of the huge tub. Both of you love baths and wanted something big enough that you could share. 

Austin helps you strip naked, put your hair up, and get into the bath before stripping off his clothes. If this was supposed to help you calm down, it’s a disaster. You fucking love the sight of him. He has been working out especially hard and he is fucking ripped right now. His lats pop and the ripples of his torso are fucking gorgeous as he bends to pull his joggers off. He doesn't quite get the first leg off and hops a little, giggling. He is so adorable and sexy at the same time, quite the enigma.  

You lean forward as he slides in behind you. You feel the hardness of his cock slide down your back and nestle at the base of your spine. He wraps you in his kind, gentle, strong arms. You melt. 

“Fuck Austin, I know you meant this to help… but it’s fucking hot,” you are struggling to keep your hips still.

“You want me to run some cold water?” he says helpfully. 

You purse your lips and twist to look at him. He is smiling ear to ear, chuckling. He knows what you meant. 

“Just wait love,” he whispers in your ear, “wait and I'll give you the most mind-blowing orgasm with my mouth in a couple days.  Then I’ll cum on your tongue, but you have to promise to swallow.” As though you’d ever do anything else but swallow his seed. His cock twitches against your back, his teasing of you is turning him on too. 

“Austin, you are not actually helping.” you giggle. Giggling is the only recourse you have right now. You fucking love this teasing, love this mind fuckery. At least you know you’ll get it eventually. Get his mouth, his tongue, his fingers, his body, his cock, his cum. FUCK now YOU are not helping. 

“I’m sorry my love, here let me feed you. At least we can appease your slutty tastebuds if not your slutty pussy,” he kisses your cheek and grabs the plate. 

“My pussy isn’t slutty!” you say with mock indignation, “it’s only for you Austin. How can it be slutty?” 

“Mmm, you are right,” he reaches down to cup your pussy in his hand, but stops himself just before plunging into the water. making a fist instead 

“Your wickedly wonton pussy, then” he breathes into your ear. Dear goddess in heaven, he is not making this easy.

He proceeds to give you little tidbits of perfectly cooked bacon, rare steak with goats cheese, roasted root veggies, fruit and yogurt, perfectly ripe avacados. You suck the bits off his fingers as he feeds you. 

“My Princess needs her protein for healing,” he kept saying every time he cooked for you inthe past two weeks. He did, indeed, treat you like a princess. 

The next two days pass without incident. There are no new story updates, and Austin keeps it surprisingly G rated. Though there is an undercurrent of sexual tension throughout the house. Sunday night is like fucking Chistmas eve, the anticipation is driving you mad in the best kind of way. As you cuddle on the couch watching a film, a standard Sunday night in your joint home, his arm is draped over your shoulder. His fingers lightly stroke your collarbone. You think they are shaking slightly, as though he is a nervous teenager hoping for a gratuitous movie theater-like grope session.   Is your mind playing fuckery tricks with you? 

You hear him sigh. It’s nothing to do with the movie on the screen. You thread your fingers through his, rubbing your thumb on his palm. You can feel his eyes on you. You tilt your head up to look at his perfect face. His little dimple appears, the one that you can’t help but kiss. Now is no different. You lean up and press your lips to his. His fingers curl around yours as he deepens the kiss almost instantly. You are instantly wet, well, more so than you always are with him. Your tongues touch then caress lips. Lips are momentarily trapped by teeth, before opening to be sucked and stroked by tongues ones again. God his kisses are like fuel to your fire. Your hand drops to his chest, and you turn towards him, fully engaging in the act of kissing this perfectly amazing man. Kissing that quickly ripens into full on making out, including his hand sliding up your shirt to fondle your breasts. Movie theater grope session indeed. 

The blaze of passion that ignites in your belly is ridiculous. This is the first time you’ve really kissed like this since the surgery.  The forbidden fruit effect is full on. The fact that you can't have it, makes you want it all the more.  

‘Fuck it’, you think, your mind clouded with lust, ’what is a few less hours.’

You move to straddle him and at the same time your hand reaches to undo the button on your jeans. 

“Whoa, Princess,” his deep voice husky with desire, “not below the waist, not until tomorrow.”

“But…” your face is a mask of petulance, forehead crinkled down and lip stuck out. Your frustration is evident. 

“No, my Love, I promised I’d take care of you and that means following doctors orders. No orgasms until Monday, and four weeks still until I get to sink into your tightness,” he reaches out to pet your protruding lip with one long finger. The finger that you want rubbing your clit right now. “I’m sorry I gave in to temptation, Baby.” With both hands he tilts your head down and kisses your forehead. 

You close your eyes, breathing deep. He is right, dammit. 

Later that night, he is propped up against the headboard. You curl up in his arms, grateful for his love of a good snuggle. He opens the book he is reading out loud to you. His gorgeous baritone lulls you to sleep.

You must be in an orchard, you have to be. What else smells like vanilla and citrus? The tall grass you are walking through brushes against your naked butt. The grass reaches and gropes along your thighs, trying to get to your pussy.  It feels good, the grass caresses your ass. You realize it’s not the grass but a shining ethereal being standing next to you, hands cupping your genitals front and back. Warmth radiates from its hands and soaks into your skin. You feel an intrusion inside you, malleable and warm. A sense of peace glows in you, from the inside out and the light erupts from your sacral chakra, like water over pouring from a vase. It feels divine, like an orgasm of light. Then you feel a concentrated rubbing against your mons. You hear a moaning and realize it’s your voice. 

You come to full waking consciousness and feel Austin next to you, on his side.  The palm of his hand rubbing circles on your vulva. You realize you have been moaning and just came in your dream, or maybe here in waking life too. 

“Yeah,” you hear in your ear, “that’s it, cum for me.” You can smell the orange and vanilla on his wrist as he brushes hair away from your face.

You eyes flutter open so see Austin staring at you, biting his bottom lip, nostrils flaring. When he sees your eyes open, his mouth curves just enough to expose the dimple at the corner of his lip. That fucking dimple, it melts you. Then his mouth is on yours hard and fast, the clean taste indicating that he brushed his teeth and rinsed with mouthwash. 

His finger dips inbetween your labia, you are so fucking wet, he doens’t even need to pull wetness over your clit. It’s already bathed in your juices. You are pretty sure that you already came once, which is fantastic as you were nervous that something inside might hurt when you finally got to orgasm. 

His fingers start working their magic, circling the hood of your clit, over and over. Then switching side to side. His mouth is constantly on yours. You want to stop him and tell him you want his beautiful mouth on your pussy, but it all feels so good. Usually he would gradually get faster, but he keeps a steady pace. It’s mere minutes and your orgasm washes over you. Your body freezes,  spine jerking and your little grunts are swallowed by Ausitn’s mouth. 

“That’s my girl,” he gently pets your vulva, “How was that my love?” 

“Please, please keep going,” you pant, eyes pleading for the overstimulation that he is so freaking good at. You can’t stop your hips from pushing forward and back against his hand.

“No babe, we are gonna take it slow at first,” he smiles, eyes full of love, “don’t want anything to… burst or whatever with a crazy hard orgasm.”

“Hmmmmm” your voice whines, “can I at least have your cum, baby. I need it.”

“That I can do,” he nods imperceptibly, “C’mere sugar.”

You help him pull back the covers as you sit up,  unwrapping his gorgeously perfect naked form next to you. His cockstand is a fucking dream, thick and long lying on his chiseled stomach. Your pussy practically drips at the sight of it.  You snag the bottle of water from the bedside table and quickly drain it. 

“Get that mouth down there, I need to be wet,” his voice is grizzly with need. 

You could live off Austin’s cum. In fact you usually get it almost every day. The past two weeks have been torture, not having his milky seed in your mouth. 

Eagerly you straddle his leg, bending down. He pulls your hair, still in its sleepy bunny ears, away from your face. He fucking loves watching your mouth on him. You lick your lips, looking at his eyes as he tucks one hand behind his head for a better view.  He knows you struggle with your gag reflex and he has never asked you to go beyond your comfort zone. 

Tongue out, you lick his soft tip. He releases a shaky sigh. He has missed this too. You bring your lips together pushing saliva out between the seam with your tongue, letting it run down his cock. You push your closed mouth down, tongue flicking his tiny hole. You seal your lips over his red tip,  chasing the rivulets and sucking them back up as you pull back. You dive down again, only taking his tip. Your cheeks hollow and the sound of wet suction follows. 

“Oh my god, Princess” he breathes.

You rub your smiling lips along his tip in a figure eight, like lip balm. You love hearing his sounds of pleasure. You engulf his head again, just a little farther this time. Your tongue rubs side to side along his frenulum. You bob up and down, up and down, tongue working him, slurping on the end of his cock.  

He moans, his hand rubbing down his stomach to the inside curve of his pelvis. His thumb and forefinger catching up the root of his cock. His long middle and ring fingers falling in the crevice next to his balls. 

“Yeah, that’s it gorgeous. Get me all wet with that pretty mouth,” he croons at you. His glutes start flexing slightly,  pushing his cock up. He’s trying for all he’s worth not to fuck your mouth. 

“Princess, I gotta… I’m… I need…oh god” he moans, not able to finish any sentence. You pull back as he holds his hand out, you drip spit into his hand and he wraps that big fist around that big cock. His hips thrusting up into his hand almost violently. He is so considerate and didn't want to do that into your mouth and make you choke. Clearly the last two weeks have taken their toll on his self control. 

You love seeing him play with himself. Last summer,  you ‘caught’ him jerking off. He had thought you had left.  You’d ran back inside to get something you forgot when you heard his moan. Peeking through the door, your pussy had gotten so wet when you saw him sitting at his desk, laptop open. You had almost slipped into his office to help, but when you realized what he was watching, you were too beguiled to interrupt. It was a video you two had made. A close up of your lips around his cock, both oral and vaginal. You didn’t let him know you were there, but you watched through the sliver of the door as he stroked himself to climax. Your hand was down your pants and your finger on your wet, wet clit.  It was so fucking hot. You loved the idea of being his porn. 

Now, your pussy is again activated watching him pump himself. You realize you have lowered down to his knee and are rubbing your wet pussy on his thigh, riding him.

“Fuck, Princess. That is so hot, you are dripping down my leg,” he seethes through his clenched jaw. “GAH!” he tosses his head back, a sure sign that he is close. His hand speeds up, and stops, speeds up and stops, edging himself just a bit. His forehead is pulled down in concentration, his plush lips form a little ‘o’ as he pants.

Holy fuck, he could not be hotter in this moment. His bicep bulging,  his pecs popped, abs contracted and tight, forearm veiny with effort, thigh flexed and wet with your juices.  Your mouth is open, tongue flicking.nYour pussy lips dragging back and forth over his skin. Fuck, it feels so good. So much deprivation has made you ultra sensitive. 

“Get that greedy tongue down there, so I can cum all over it,” he puffs out. 

You tip your head down. His legs are long enough that you can still rub against him and reach his cock with your mouth. Your tongue is out ready to catch. 

“Yesssss, here it comes,” he moans. 

The warm milky cum spatters your tongue, you know how much he likes to see it hit your mouth.  He groans in appreciation. Then you are down on him, sucking lightly, not wasting a single drop. It’s so fucking hot, such an activation for you to have his cum in your mouth. You sit up and grind into his tight quads just at the insertion on the patellar tendon. It's the perfect dune of muscle to rub your clit on.  You moan around your mouthful of cum, your tongue rubbing it along the roof of your mouth. 

“That’s it Princess, get it,” his hand is still on his cock, lightly stroking himself. He is so fucking turned on with your wanton display. His other hand is on your knee, somehow wanting to help, but not wanting to interrupt your flow. 

Your pussy tightens, good lord the friction feels good. Just as you can feel yourself tipping over that brink, you let his cum slide down your throat. Your eyes roll back in your head and your pussy gushes as your hips freeze forward. Your hips and head jerk in unison, grinding your pussy down on him with each jerk. It’s nearly overstimulating… nearly. 

You fall forward onto him, ass in the air, panting, shaking. He catches you with waiting arms. 

Cradling your head on his chest. 

“You good, Princess?” there is just a touch of concern in his voice. You love how he loves you. 

You nod, slowly getting your breath under control.

“Could be better,” you look up at him with a glint in your eye. 

“Oh yeah,” he gently swipes at a creamy drop on the corner of your mouth, offering the drop to your mouth. You greedily lick it from his finger. 

“Yeah,” you say after rolling the salty tang around your mouth, “I, uh, I seem to remember a promise a certain hot fucking man made me. One of a mindblowing orgasm with his talented mouth.” You smile at him,  running a finger along  the border of his lips. Those perfect fucking lips. 

“Oh yeah, when is he getting here?” he jests, chuckling.

You purse your lips and shake your head, you love his silly goofy side.

“Austin,” you kiss his mouth then roll off him, legs wide,”get down there and make good.” 

His eyes smolder at you, he loves it when you have just a touch of command in your voice. It usually doesn't last long, as he likes being in control in the bedroom, but it turns him on nonetheless. 

“Yes Ma’am,” he nods. Catlike he flips on top of you and slides down your body. In supporting his upper body weight, his shoulders bulge and ripple. That and his ocean blue eyes never leaving yours is enough to set you off.

He wraps his arms under your upper thighs. 

He inhales the smell of you.

His eyes close and he moans in pleasure. 

His mouth opens and he drags his tongue along your lips. 

“Just nothing in, not yet” you remind him. 

The apples of his cheeks pop as he smiles up at you, “I know darling.”

His tongue rolls around under your clit, pushing between your labia. He laps your little lips into his mouth, sucking them gently. 

You moan at the sensations, god you’ve missed his mouth. 

He nestles down at the bottom of your entrance and with a flickering tongue licks your wetness up, sucking your clit lightly into his mouth at the top.

��It’s fucking amazing. 

He licks again, his bottom lip dragging after his tongue, over and over. Until he settles on top of your clit. One hand slips from your leg and you feel two fingers press, not into your vagina, but in the crevices on either side of your lips. He licks your nub with the tip of his tongue and  presses rhythmically on the legs of your clitoris from the outside, milking your pussy. It feels incredible, you had no idea that was a thing, at least not for your body. 

Your juices start to flow freely, dribbling down. He greedily licks as much of it up as he can, sucking hard on your labia. Then his mouth closes wholly over your clit and the top bits of your lips. He sucks, the tip of his tongue flickering over the hard little button. 

Oh fuck it’s good. He is good. Better than good, with his fingers working their magic. Your hands fly to his hair, fingers tangled in his unruly locks. Breath flutters out his nostrils and onto your pubis. Your hips start pumping against his pretty face. You know he loves it when you just let go and let your body react. He starts groaning, his hips mimic yours, driving against the folds of the sheets under him. The fact that he is so turned on by eating your pussy is exhilarating. The vibrations of his moans send your pussy into overdrive. All of a sudden you are there; screaming, grunting, shaking under the magnificence that is Austin’s mouth. Pleasure floods your body. You writhe.  He shifts, letting go the suction and licks long, sensuous strokes along your quivering cunt. He flicks your clit at the top each time, making you shake in aftershocks, making you drip that much more. He closes his mouth wide over your pussy, sucking hard. Then, with a closed mouth he pushes up to his knees over you. His cock is rock hard and jutting out from his lean form. He is a fucking dream. He leans his head forward and dribbles a mixture of your juices and his spit onto his cock and into his hand. 

“God I miss doing that to you,” he moans.

You are panting, watching the sex god Austin stroke himself. His hooded eyes are brimming with desire and lust. 

“Touch yourself,” he commands, “I want to watch.” 

You immediately obey, your finger rubbing back and forth on your swollen clit.

“Yes, finger that clit, Princess,” it’s taking all he has not to slide into you, but he would never endanger your health like that. 

Your finger runs in circles around your clit.

“Pull your lips apart, I want to see it all,” his tone is intense, brooking no argument. 

You spread yourself for him and continue to circle your clit. Anything for Austin. He spits into his hand again, and continues to pump fiercely on his cock.

“Pull up, I want that little hood pulled back,” he is huffing, his face contorted and serious, “I want you to feel my hot cum as it hits your naked clit.” 

Oh. My. God. He has never said that, never done that. Your finger stops rubbing and pulls back your clitoral hood. The cooler air hits your exposed clit. You moan and clench. He watches as your pussy contracts, his breath hissing between his teeth. He glides hard on his cock. 

“Keep it up, don’t touch it.” His chest  expands in a deep, deep breath. His orgasmic groan begins as a rumble in his chest and blasts out his mouth in unrequited vowel sounds. Hot semen hits your vulnerable clit, it’s like fucking lightning. Your back arches and your hips shake, your orgasm is inches away. All you have to do is rub… but he told you not to. 

Suddenly and unexpectedly,  his mouth is sucking on you and hard. His tongue rubbing in his cum, back and forth over your clit. Your climax explodes over you like fireworks. You are so fucking lit.  Your spine and hips jerk, bouncing you on the bed.   He rides you down, lapping up his cum from you. Then he is over you, kissing you deeply with a mouthful of his own, sweet cum. It’s intoxicating, mind blowing, hallucinatory and nearly makes you orgasm again. You swallow every drop, curling your tongue into his mouth, desperate to get it all into you.

He pulls away shaking, having given you the same cum a second time. Clearly he found it just as electrifying. 

“Fuck that was unbearably hot, Princess,” he pants.

Your head shakes as you nod up and down, still completely aroused. You pull his fingers between your legs. 

“Rub Austin, please,” you beg. 

Austin can’t resist it when you beg like that. 

You spend the rest of the day either in bed, in the bath or in the kitchen. Austin made you cum in all of them. Orgasm Day, you’d come to call it, your own personal annual holiday.  Now, only 4 more weeks and the medical ‘ok’ until you get to feel his thick cock stretching your tight little pussy. Until then, well it’s Austin’s cum for breakfast, Austin’s cum for dinner and Austin’s cum for a midnight snack. 

[ambrosialdesire]

Why Eldia in internment zone hate Tybur Family? Willy seems to be the only one who genuinely make effort for peace with other nations except Paradis Island, trying to sway with leniency with the subjugated Eldian. It's not like the other nations favored Marley and the Eldian history had been tainted in their culture with endless wars and rape, so their hatred with Eldian had nothing to do with Marley alone. So, their choice to hate Eldian is beyond Willy's control to change it. Lastly, what did Eldian in Marley expect Tybur do???? Share their riches???? That alone, realistically impossible not due to Tybur's greed, but Eldians in internment zone are too many like ants. Sure, perhaps Tybur can help to tone down the hostility but by the end, it's everyone choice to be a good person or drown to the darkness.

i personally think that a lot of internalized hatred goes around marleyan eldians as a central theme. they hate the tybur family because that specific family has been treated well compared to others that share the same blood lineage as him. they have a privilege to be seen as equals that most of the eldians do not have. the tybur family in particular i feel, also appeal to marleyan masses by despising their own. i don’t think willy really cared extremely much for eldians since his family is living the good life, he just had to get the nations to band together once more for marley to become stronger again. the best way to do that? target the one place where they’ve been oppressing for generations because they’ve realized that they’re basically evolving and adapting to the titan attacks and they’ve got more of the powerful holders. plus, their military is also somewhat on the rocks since they’ve lost two of their titan holders and failed to retrieve the founding and have mentioned to be in war with the other nations right around when reiner returned to marley, so they most likely need the extreme support, funding, and resources to try to retrieve all of those once more. who’s to say that willy was really doing it for the marleyan eldians? he’s a rich man and most times than not, the rich don’t care what happens to the poor. as long as his end goal is reached, it doesn’t matter who he needs to use to get to it.

i don’t think that the eldians within the internment zones are wrong to feel that they deserve just as much as the tybur family, they’ve been shown to be mistreated and looked down as lesser than animals, of course they’ll be angry and frustrated. it’s not just what the money can do for them, it’s the major influence that willy and the tybur family had in general that could’ve somewhat helped their situations. it’s not something that can happen overnight of course, this is something that needs to be put in action over a long period of time due to how much hatred and history the two races have over each other.

that’s just my thinking, i don’t really remember this part in the anime since it’s been a while since i’ve last watched aot s4 + i was most likely interested in reiner’s parts in marley more than anything tbh 💀💀

[transmogrified-in-the-void]

Hey 18-20 year olds? You’ve only just started the hardest part of growing up: learning how the hell to do that and how to be an adult. And yeah, I’m in the same boat, here’s some things that have helped me so far

- a friend who is older than you

My best friend is 7 years older than me, and he’s been able to give me so much advice on personal philosophy, how to work on personal issues, etc.

- a friend who holds you accountable/is very honest with you

having a friend who will take you aside and tell you “x thing you’re doing is actually making y hard/unfun/stressful/etc.” is more valuable than yes men friends. These are the friends who will question life decisions if they seem to make you unhappy, in the pursuit of making sure you’re exactly where you need to be.

- learning how to make accountable apologies

Here’s how I structure my apologies now, and I’ve had not only good reactions and conversations afterwards, but I’ve had to use them in various ways. “I’m sorry about x. Y was happening, and instead of doing x thing I should have done z thing. Again, I’m sorry.” It not only has removed the loathed “but”, but it also allows for explanation and a plan on how to avoid it. I will also sometimes add “I’ll try my best to do z thing” if I know I’m going to need some time to fully erase the mistake if it was a habit, but in general that helps a lot.

- start trying to find who is a small dose person and who’s a large dose person

What is a small dose person? For example: I know someone who I can only be around for maybe an hour when with other people before I become irritated by their presence. Is it their fault I’m irritated by them? No, and they’ll never know I am. Because I’m only around them for around an hour once every few months. That’s small dose. It’s the “you’re not a bad person I just cannot be around you for long periods of time”.

- if things you read on social media/the internet make you emotional, restructure how you spend your time

Here’s a really hot take. For those who were tuned in for the dungeons and dragons drama, I’m about to tell you guys something crazy. The draft that was leaked was actually incredibly lenient (I can’t remember what it was called haha). How do I know this? I could tell I was getting a little heated and sent it to a friend who knows way more about that sort of stuff and asked for his opinion, and he told me about other examples of it that were more harsh but not lambasted. If you read a headline or a post or tweet and get up in arms, take a step back and take a breath. You don’t have the time to get emotional about every little thing, you’re too busy growing up.

- make friends or acquaintances who don’t believe the same thing as you

My best friend is a centrist who leans more right than left. I am more left leaning than he is by a good amount. We both have very enlightening conversations because of that. Here’s the funny thing, I do hold some right leaning beliefs anyways because that better supports the area I live in. I don’t want the government grabbing the land around me because they’ve proven to be incompetent. I’m fine with looser gun control because there have been times where mountain lions just. Appear in my city. We have an overpopulation of wolves right now. A few other ones I don’t feel like sharing. My friend has changed how he views certain issues and so I have I because we talk about what we disagree about. If they respect you, they’ll debate but not argue

- not everything is about you

Building off that last point, not every counterpoint is an attack on you. It can feel like it, because you’re still expanding the telescope you see out of into two working eyes (I’m still getting there too), so being able to say to yourself that this is either a) bigger than you or b) not about you at all can help you get through more conversations more levelheaded

- you’re in puberty

Final thing: your body is still a hormonal war zone. Emotions are heightened, thought processes are everywhere, you are still growing up. Give yourself time. And grace. And kindness.

[desertfangs]

Love your love for post-canon Armand/Daniel, I’m the same 🫣 In part because I love reading different interpretations of what their relationship is like in the present, what has changed and what has remained the same over the years. It seems like people agree on most things but I love how certain things simply come down to personal interpretation. And look, I know that Anne should’ve included WAY more armandaniel content in the last trilogy but I appreciate the fact that she had a plan in mind for them, or at least a theme: them wanting to spend as much time alone together as possible post-reunion, which is a thing every time their names are mentioned together (them sneaking out in the rain, them wanting to go back to Trinity Gate). They’re in their “run away with me/anytime you want” era and I really love that for them 🫀

I’m so into post-canon Armand and Daniel and I'm so glad you are too! Anne didn’t need to tell me they’d get back together for me to believe they would—I firmly believe they always will, they’re soulmates and two sides of the same weird coin, plus Daniel is Armand’s only fledgling. They have a bond in love and bond in blood. And they’ve always been so absolutely feral for each other. I just can’t imagine them staying apart for long without extenuating circumstances. I believe they’re that couple who will have their periods of being apart (either because they’re doing different things or because they had a fight, lol) but they’ll always come back together. They’re magnetic and they love each other so much.

But I am glad Anne did give us little mentions that they were in fact doing things together and, correct me if I’m wrong, as far as we know Daniel and Armand are living together when the series ends. Which is good enough for me. Of course I would have loved Daniel to get more screen time. I mean aliens are involved! Let the guy talk about that! I want his perspective on that stuff! Or just to be included in the ending because he is such a vital character. He’s the reason the series exists! He’s the one who started it all. I mean, come on! ISTG Anne.

💖💖 THEIR RUN AWAY WITH ME ERA 💖💖 Listen anon, I love that so much I want it on a throw pillow or a t-shirt! 😭😭😭 I’m going to refer to it as that from now on, it’s perfect, no notes. 

I love that you’ve pointed out how they seem to want to be alone together when they are mentioned in the last trilogy. I hadn’t really thought of it that way and now that’s my happy thought. Because it does seem in line with my prevailing in-universe theory for why we don’t get more of them together and that’s because they want their privacy. 

We know Daniel never wanted fame. He published Interview with the Vampire under a pseudonym. I can imagine he was vaguely uncomfortable with his story being out in the world once he realized people he knew might find it. (Which is a funny thought given how eagerly he devoured Armand’s story in TVL but like.. I don’t blame him there.) 

But also Armand and Daniel have been through a lot. Armand tried to end his life and has had to spend time recovering and then got saddled with two kids because Marius thought it would tether him to the world. Daniel thought Armand had died and he’d lost him and went mad for a while. Like they’ve been through some shit. I can absolutely see them deciding that they want some space and for their story to be kept off the published pages of Lestat’s books as much as possible and Lestat acquiescing because he clearly does love Armand. 

If they want some peace and their time together left out of the books, if they want to disappear together or run off alone for long periods, or even just sneak off to Paris when they’re at Court, or hole up alone in Trinity Gate with a “No Vacancy” sign on the door, frankly that’s beautiful and they deserve it. I love that for them.

Thank you so much for the ask! 💖💖 I’ve had a horrible week and this has greatly improved my night. I hope I wasn’t too rambly, my brain is very fried. 

[mediaflamingoos]

Frieren: Beyond Journey's End is a Modern Classic By Savio Shi

Anime is now more popular than ever, with many titles such as My Hero Academia, SPY X FAMILY, Bocchi The Rock and Jujutsu Kaisen garnering mainstream attention. However, for every Death Note there’s a “I’m a Loser Who Does Nothing But Play Video Games All Day and Now I’m Reincarnated As a Super Powerful Half-Demon Half-Angel With The Power To Destroy The Universe With Only a Fart” (This is a parody of many trashy self-insert, wish-fulfilment “Isekai” animes where the protagonist gets transported to another world and becomes ridiculously overpowered and is surrounded with attractive women who fall head over heels for the protagonist despite his lack of any positive personality traits. And yes they really do have titles like this.) While there’s no shortage of good anime, great anime can be hard to come by. Friern: Beyond Journey’s End is one of them. 

Frieren has one of the most memorable opening episodes of any shows I’ve watched, period. It begins with the end of the journey, after Frieren and her party of heroes successfully defeated the demon king. Here we’re introduced to a lovable cast of characters, including Eisen the steadfast and stoic Warrior dwarf, Heiter the alcoholic human priest, and Himmel the human Hero, the leader of the party. Frieren is a cold and detached elven mage, and the protagonist of the series. As an elf, her lifespan is extremely long, which has caused her to perceive time much more differently than her peers. After Himmel’s party is celebrated for their monumental achievement, they part ways, each having new goals and aspirations. Many years later, Frieren revisits her old friends only to find that they’ve all grown old. Her friends have all missed her greatly, but Himmel in particular had missed her the most. Himmel had always paid special attention to Frieren, and the two shared a special bond, though it was a somewhat one-sided one. After the four went out to see the shooting stars one last time, Himmel the hero passed away. 

It was only at his funeral that Frieren suddenly realised that she hadn’t treasured her time together with Himmel. Tears fall from her face as she regrets not getting to know him better when she had the chance. It was an extremely profound and emotional moment that moved me as well. This prompted Frieren to change her perspective on life. She begins to realise that her near immortality has caused her not to value her often short-lived connections with humans, and so she embarks on a new journey, making new friends while reminiscing on her past friends, keeping them alive in her memory and carrying them onto the future. 

Frieren: Beyond Journey’s End is about a lot of things. But its most powerful theme is that ultimately, we are the culmination of the people in our lives. This resonated with me deeply, as I’ve been fortunate enough to have made many meaningful connections with people from all ages and backgrounds. Some helped me understand myself better, some taught me things I never would’ve known, and some stood by my side in times of need. I may not be as long-lived as Frieren, but in my short 20 years I feel as though I’ve already made a lifetime of wonderful connections. Some of those connections will last longer than others, but just as Frieren realised, it is not the amount of time spent together that matters. If you treasure the time spent together, it will stay with you for a lifetime. I am Savio, but I’m also a collage of all the people who’ve been kind enough to let me be a part of their lives, and words cannot express how grateful I am for everyone who has made me the person I am today, but I’ll still give it a shot: Thank you.

word count: 639

[tryan-a-bex]

Sometimes when you fall, you fly

Read it on ao3. For @kittynannygaming and @lucienne-thee-librarian

Lucienne laid down her pen. There was something not right in the library, but darned if she could put her finger on it. She rose from her desk and commenced one of her usual patrols. As she walked her normal pattern, she glanced down each aisle. So far, all was as it should be.

“Hhiiiiiic!” The sudden loud hiccup as she rounded the final corner meant there was no way she could miss Gault, huddled at the end of the row, her face in her hands.

“Gault! Whatever is the matter?!” Lucienne exclaimed as she rushed worriedly toward the former Nightmare.

“Oh, Lucienne! I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to bother you!” Gault blurted on another sob.

“It’s no bother at all!” Lucienne reassured her. “You do know I’m here to help, right? It’s part of my job, as librarian.” She gently drew the distraught dream up from where she huddled, handing her a handkerchief from her pocket.

Gault wiped her tear stained face. “I’m just so embarrassed about all this! I’m one of my lord’s most experienced creations! I’m a Major Arcana, for goodness’ sake! Yet here I am, crying in the library because I have a problem and I can’t figure out how to solve it!”

“No! Don’t be embarrassed!” Lucienne looked at her tenderly over her reading glasses. “You are strong and beautiful and important, but don’t forget, you’ve only been a dream for a very short time. It’s okay to ask for some help during the adjustment period! In fact, it is always okay to ask for help, and I will always be here for you to turn to.”

Gault blushed a little at the compliment and followed willingly as Lucienne led her back to her desk. Lucienne grabbed a fresh cup from the tea service near the window, filled it, and handed it to Gault as she settled into Lucienne’s visitor’s chair.

“Okay.” Lucienne sipped from her own tea cup, left by her papers on the desk. It was a good thing she enjoyed cold tea. “Tell me everything.”

Gault sniffed once more and took a sip of honeyed tea. 

“Oh, Lucienne! You’ve made it so sweet!”

“Is it too sweet? You’re a dream now, dear, you’re allowed some sweetness in your life!”

“I guess…I guess I like it like this, then.” Gault sipped again, then put her cup down to begin her story.

“Dreams, as you know, … dreams and nightmares are intended to help people change their narrative. We show them their fears and wants so they can face them and become truer to themselves.” She paused for a sip of tea as Lucienne nodded along. “I had been a nightmare for so long. I was used to changing my shape and scaring people from the status quo into something new. Now I find myself having to entice them instead. It’s… very different! I’ve had some good successes, and some mediocre ones, but this. This one has just been a failure!” She rubbed her face with her hands as Lucienne waited patiently for her to continue. ”I thought perhaps I could find help in the library, a clue as to how to go about it, in the record of another similar dreamer. But there are just so many books! And I’m not familiar with the stories of good dreams at all!”

“Well, you have found help in the library,” Lucienne told her warmly, laying her hand over Gault’s on the desk. “Can you tell me a bit more about the dreamer, so I know where to start looking?”

Gault sighed and her shoulders relaxed a bit. She turned her hand and took hold of Lucienne’s properly, as if for courage. 

“This dreamer, you see, is non-binary. They’ve been using a gender neutral online name forever, but they are hesitant to see the internal truth that expresses about them. They know ‘the kids’ are picking all kinds of genders these days, and they’re happy for them! But they haven’t realized yet that they are also allowed to ‘choose’ their gender—they feel stuck with what they were ‘born with.’” Gault sighed again and took another sip of tea. “I thought I’d shape-change into the form they desire to be, and they would see it and realize it was accessible to them as well! But instead, they interpreted their desire for that form as attraction, and Lucienne, they kissed me!”

“How did you feel about that, Gault?” Lucienne asked compassionately.

“It took me by surprise! I wasn’t expecting it! I never intended… I’m not that kind of dream!” Gault finished helplessly.

“It’s okay.” Lucienne rubbed the back of Gault’s hand with her thumb, and Gault’s grip on her tightened. “I know just where to look. First, how to tone dreams so dreamers don’t get the wrong idea. Then, how to help dreamers tell the difference between wanting someone, and wanting to be someone—it’s a far more common problem than you’d expect! Finally, we can look in the gender change section and see if there are any other good tips for shape-changers working on that type of transformation.”

“Oh, thank you! Thank you so much! You are such a good friend!” Gault exclaimed, then looked down at the desk, as if she was worried she’d been too bold by claiming Lucienne’s friendship.

“Of course we are friends, my dear!” Lucienne responded, standing and leading Gault by the hand, up and toward the stacks. “Though this is the same help I would give anyone in your position, including the honey tea.” She looked down at their still joined hands and commented offhandedly, “though not the hand-holding. That’s usually rather more metaphorical.”

Gault beamed at her through the tear stains on her cheeks and boldly asked, “Maybe you’d like to go for a picnic with me, after we are finished here?”

“I would love that!”

“Boss! Hey boss! You won’t believe what I just saw!”

“Matthew.” Dream looked up from his sculpting, wondering what would have prompted his raven to interrupt him at his work. “What have you seen?”

“It was Gault, with Lucienne! They were flying! Over Fiddler’s Green! I mean, Gault was flying and she had her arms all wrapped around Lucienne, it was weird! And they both looked ecstatic! What is going on?”

“Ah,” said their Master. “I expect Lucienne finally told Gault how much she misses flying.”

“But what if they…. They can’t…. Can they?” Matthew didn’t quite know what he was asking, but he was sure the whole Dreaming would be turned inside out if Lucienne started dating someone. She was the steady, stable, responsible one! They couldn’t be having her having romantic dramatics!

Dream smiled slightly at his flustered raven. “Don’t worry, Matthew. I will take care of it.”

“Lucienne!” Lucienne looked up, only slightly startled by the sudden intrusion of her Master’s voice into her work.

“Yes, my Lord?”

“Matthew told me he saw you and Gault flying over Fiddler’s Green this afternoon.”

Lucienne blushed but continued to look him in the eye. “Yes, my Lord.”

“Good. I approve. I made you these.” He handed her a little black scrap which, when she took it in her hands, turned out to be a pair of raven wings about the size of her palms.

“You can…” he gestured at her back. Wonderingly, she reached the wings over her shoulder, and gasped as they attached to her shoulder blades and grew to full size. 

“Oh, my Lord! These are wonderful!” she exclaimed.

“Yes. Well. I thought you might like to fly with Gault more often. I’m sorry I didn’t think of it sooner.”

“Oh, not at all! So, you don’t mind, if Gault and  I…?”

“I trust it will not interfere with your duties.”

“Of course not!” (Lucienne was, after all, an adult, who could carry on a relationship without it interfering with her duties and the weather, unlike some anthropomorphized concepts standing in front of her.)

“Good.”

After that, the residents of the Dreaming became accustomed to the sight of Lucienne with her head in Gault’s lap, under the tree in Fiddler’s Green.

Note: The title quote is by Neil Gaiman, from The Sandman vol 6, Fables and Reflections. 

In my head this is a Queer Platonic Relationship with cuddling and hand-holding. They are zucchinis because I love them.

Next

[fieri-sentio-et-excrucior]

@10holmes Thanks for the 'Get to know your fic writer!' ask! :) As my answer got lengthy (of course), I thought best to make a separate post. Answers are under the cut.

Do you prefer writing one-shots or multi-chaptered fics?

I like both, but I tend to lean more towards one-shots. When I get a bug for a story, I’m kinda desperate to get it down asap so multi-chaptered fics are harder as they take more time and planning and, especially, patience. That said, I really enjoyed writing The Prisoner of Jinlintai and The Tamed and was really surprised I managed to write – and finish! – such long, multi-chaptered stories. I hope I can do so again in the future 😊

Where do you find inspiration for new ideas?

All over the place! From the original canon, from memes and gifs online, from meta and headcanons other fans share, from songs, from dreams… Sometimes ideas just spring unexpectedly but fully formed into my head. That moment of inspiration is always exciting – but then it’s got to be transferred to paper, which is harder :D

how do you write emotional scenes? Do you ever feel what the characters feel? Do you draw from personal experiences?

I think emotional scenes are ones I struggle with a bit. I often feel my writing ends up a bit clunky and melodramatic! But I try to put myself in the characters’ shoes and imagine how they would feel in that situation, their reactions to other characters’ words and actions. I think though, however unintentionally, my own personality probably seeps into the characters to a certain extent, which I know is not ideal! Particularly when I write Xue Yang, I often think I hold him back too much when he would probably fly wild 😉

Which of your fics would you call your wildest ride?

Hmm, probably either Priceless or Life Imitates Art, as they’re both a bit taboo!

How do you spend your time when it comes to fanfiction? Are you primarily a fic reader, writer, or a perfect 50/50 split of both?

Hmm, it varies from time to time. Sometimes I binge fics and don’t read anything for ages, sometimes I’m so caught up in the stories in my head that I don’t read anything at all. But probably on balance, I’m primarily a reader. There have certainly been long periods of time in the past when I’ve barely written anything at all but have devoured loads of fics. It just happens that more recently I’ve developed an obsession with The Untamed and have had the time, energy and inspiration to indulge in writing again (which has been a joy!).

Does anyone in your personal life know you write fic? if not, would you tell anyone?

Only a very small group of irl friends know I write fic. I discovered fanfic in my teens, started writing it myself in 2012 and never told anyone about it until last year. Sometimes I see on tumblr people saying their mum or their sister etc read their fics and I’m always amazed – I think that’s wonderful! I can’t imagine telling anyone in my family about the things I write – let alone allowing them to read it! Esp the explicit stuff :O I’d die of embarrassment lol. And they’d probably die of shock!

Do you have a favorite scene you’ve written from The Prisoner of Jinlintai story/chapter?

Ooh, difficult question! I think there are lots of parts I really like from TPOJ, I’m pretty proud of that story (if I may say so!). I think chapters 25 & 29 are particular favourites, probably for similar reasons – ch25 is the first time XXC stays overnight in XY’s room, they’ve got frisky before but this time there’s more emotion behind it, and it’s preceded by XY actually being concerned about XXC and taking care of him. And in ch29 we get a glimpse of XXC being concerned about XY when he’s late back from his work, and then the scene when XY arrives back and finds XXC asleep in his bed, all calm and peaceful and beautiful. And XY is kind of struck dumb, surprised to find him there, unsure of his own reaction, but in the end just crawls into bed and falls asleep with him in his arms. I envisaged that scene so clearly in my mind, saw XY walk slowly and cautiously through the darkness, all alert, and then suddenly stop at the sight of his bed, his eyes widening, his body frozen, his fingers twitching, wanting to touch… And then I really like the last paragraph of that scene:

The room was so quiet and still. Xiao Xingchen was warm in his arms. Xue Yang held him carefully, as though Xiao Xingchen was some fragile thing that would break if he wasn't careful enough. He felt strange; his heart was still doing some weird fluttering thing that made it slightly hard to breathe. Maybe he was just overtired. He brushed his lips against Xiao Xingchen's neck and closed his eyes.

Now I've waffled on way too much about myself lol :D But it was fun, thank you! <3