#they’re weirdly difficult to draw

[timethehobo]

This is still one of my fave games tbh. Sometimes it’s the indies that hit the best.

[arrowfleur]

It’s been two years something something horny on main blah blah NSFW Gavin headcanons…. And post

Will foreplay for 1 hour+ before any clothes are even removed. He loves knowing how much he can make your heart rate speed up without even touching there. It gets to the point where your skin is so sensitive just sliding your jeans off is difficult.

Draws everything out until you are BEGGING for it. He loves it so much.

Prefers things that aren’t too rough, wax play, shibari etc but will try (pretty much) anything once.

Will magic up the Cutest toys and ropes and shit. Everything is pink or heart shaped or both.

BODY WORSHIP. Makes you feel like the hottest person alive, he does not run out of compliments. Kisses everywhere, soft touches, constantly pointing out how good your body makes him feel.

Positions: Canonically loves Missionary the most but just practically anything with eye contact is his favourite, he finds it sooo romantic.

Twist at the top and his eyes roll to the back of his head.

Actual magical mouth. God he will eat like his life depends on it. He literally doesn’t need to breath, your thighs will be trembling everytime.

He has piercings 👀

Kind of canon but loves talking you through it when he first puts it in. Puts it in so fucking slow omg.

Will either not let you hold in ANY noises, if you try to he just goes harder and harder until you don’t have the brain capacity to hold them in.

Cue him moving your hand from over your mouth and pinning it above your head, ‘I want to hear every single pretty sound you make.’

OR get you off in a public place and get off on you holding the noises in and squirming against him.

Encourages you to grip onto his horns when he’s being rougher or you’re on top.

When you’re in charge he wants you to tell him exactly what to do. Guide his hands, his mouth, his dick, put everything exactly where you want it.

He is not ashamed to beg. He will become a complete and utter mess and just repeat your name and ‘please’ over and over and over.

Same goes for whining.

Lots of ‘I know’ s and ‘does that feel good?’ s when he knows damn well you’re on the edge. The ultimate tease.

Overstimulation is Gavin’s specialty, he can go for so long and is weirdly good at keeping pace even when he’s climaxing.

Does that thing where he doesn’t pull out the whole way he’s just basically jerking inside you and hits your spot every second without mercy.

It’s really hard to get him to cum unless you do first. Nothing makes him feel as good as you feeling good.

MASSAGES. They’re so fucking good it’s like he went to school for it or something. Especially you thighs and hips. It’s a skill he uses for both foreplay and after care.

Loves falling asleep after, looks so radiant and soft afterwards and will just cuddle you forever.

[that-ari-blogger]

Weird Choice Of Words (Elsewhere and Elswhen)

The concept of an unreliable narrator is both synonymous and situational. This type or storytelling style doesn’t give you all the information, implying that the character telling you the events is biased in some way.

This is how all stories work, writers are biased in the direction of a story being interesting, so you generally won’t be shown every waking moment of the characters’ lives.

But it can be focused in on and utilised in any number of ways. Terry Pratchett lets his sense of humour bleed through in the narration of the Discworld series, for example.

But the Owl House has by far my favourite use of the technique, exhibited in Elsewhere and Elsewhen, and I can’t really go into detail in this introduction without plot spoilers, so let's just dive in, so to speak.

Let me explain.

SPOILERS AHEAD (The Owl House, Treasure Planet, Romeo And Juliet)

I feel the need to clarify how this blog works. This is intended on being a companion piece to the series in question, so that you could read it as you watch. As such, I try not to spoil any future episodes too much.

If you have seen the series in its entirety, you are aware of why that makes discussion of this episode rather difficult.

With that said, Phillip is such a fun character, right? He’s a parallel to Luz, he’s a manipulator type villain, but most importantly, he’s the subject of the biggest reveal of the episode.

Remember the unreliable narrator thing? Well here, the narrator is more than just unreliable, he’s an asshole.

This episode continues a running theme of giving Luz foils. The season has thus far introduced Hunter, who matches her magical outsider status and challenges her impulsivity; as well as Vee, who was a bait and switch that didn’t really mirror Luz in anything except for appearance, but who causes her to reflect on what she left behind; and now we get Phillip, who is uncomfortably similar to Luz.

First up, the human thing. In any other story, this wouldn’t be a thing to point out, but here it is. These are the only two humans in the Boiling Isles, both strangers in a strange land. This means that they both use Glyph magic to cast spells, drawing on the magic around them and using it in interesting ways. They’re problem solvers.

They also share a flaw.

Hamartia is a term in tragedy that boils down to “the thing that will bring about a character’s” downfall. When ported over to a less downwards facing story structure, this becomes a heroic flaw for the character to overcome.

For example, in the greatest film ever made, Treasure Planet, Jim needs to overcome his propensity to blame himself for everything. He blames himself for his father’s disappearance and learns to stand up for himself over the course of the story. Notably, this pairs with a villain who deflects and projects like mad and who will overcome that flaw in time as well. It’s not hamartia there, it doesn’t cause his downfall.

For hamartia specifically, look to Romeo and Juliet, where Romeo’s lack of multiple braincells directly causes multiple deaths including his own. Yes, it’s a love story, yes, it’s well written, but the guy had one job.

Anyway, The Owl House plays this a bit weirdly, because Luz’s greatest flaw is her hero complex. Luz is looking to be the hero of her own story, she seeks out adventure, and is easily swayed by the slight mention of destiny.

You will note that this is exactly how Phillip writes about himself. So, what’s the difference?

Notably, Luz isn’t a narcissist, but more specifically, Luz gets over her flaw, Phillip doesn’t. Luz learns, Phillip doubles down into wilful ignorance and refuses to change.

This is symbolised by the use of the light spell. Luz uses it to illuminate her surroundings, Phillip uses it to illuminate himself and keep everything else in darkness.

In that way, he’s a bit of a diet Bellos, particularly in how he bring about his own destruction.

If you cast your mind back to the end of season one, part of the reason for Belos’ defeat was that he turned Lilith against himself by gloating too early. If he had kept on the charade for literally ten more seconds, Lilith would have left the room and still believing him to be benevolent, but he counted his chickens before they hatched, and ended up with geese.

Anyone notice how he had no reason to distrust these two. He assumed they were making stuff because "you witches come up with the worst lies". Completely oblivious to the irony therein.

Meanwhile, Phillip could have waited until after Luz and Lilith had solved the puzzle and tricked his trap before he wrote his gloating diary entry, and they probably wouldn’t have survived. They would both have been by the door and been snatched up by the technically-not-a-dinosaur.

Which leads me back to the wilful ignorance thing, because neither Phillip or Bellos can comprehend their plan failing, partially because they both think of themselves as individually superior, but there's also the bigotry here.

Phillip uses “Witches” as a pejorative term, and this is just straight up racism on his part. Like, I don’t have to explain this, he thinks all witches are inherently inferior to humans, that’s racism.

Belos at least makes the pretence that it’s actions that lead to acquiring his ire, but Phillip is just a bigot. He’s not special.

Hey, um... Phillip. That's a nice bag of Palismen you have there. Where did you... where did you get those? Also, how did Phillip find out that he had to kill Palismen to survive?

Which bleeds into his planning. He finds it easy to sacrifice people because to him, they aren’t people. They never were. And he is willing to tell them his plans before they succeed because to him, they aren’t capable of subverting him. His racism is self-sabotaging.

The most damning difference between Luz and Phillip is this. The Boiling Isles that Luz first witnesses is horrifying. She nearly gets dissected twice, she gets arrested, she meets the Zack Oyama tooth fairy, and she grows attached to its weirdness. She accepts it.

The Deadwardian Era, meanwgile, is so nice and pleasant, everyone is polite, even the street thugs barely get worse than school bullies holding your lunch higher than you can reach, and yet Phillip decided it was worth damnation because it wasn’t like him.

I want to briefly dwell on the subplot of this episode before I go, and that is because the scene with Eda and Dell is one of my favourites in the series.

“Stop! I’ve ruined your life. Have you even been able to carve a new Palisman since I attacked you? Stop trying to forgive me. I don’t deserve it.”

Eda is a character stuck in the past, unable to move forwards. She is trapped, that’s why making a deal with the curse gives her wings, it means she can fly, and be free.

But it does beg the question of how you move on when you can’t fix what went wrong. Dell's life was irrevocably changed by the curse and its difficult for Eda to not feel guilty about that.

So, the two sit, watching the setting of the sun and discuss the past and the present. It’s a new time, and that means new family members in the form of King and Luz, but it also means new opportunities. It’s no accident that Dell gives Eda a seed, from which a new relationship can grow.

“Let the past stay in the past. It’s ok to move on.”

Dell was the one Eda hurt most, and if he’s moving on from it, maybe she can too.

Hey look, Lilith has a theme with eyes and knowledge. I wonder what that's about.

Final Thoughts

I do like that Luz didn’t change history; she was a part of it. As in, she stops the burning of the diary, if she hadn’t, she never would have found it and never would have gone back in time.

Also, Dora Desplora could have been an interesting midboss for season three. I’ve got in my mind a version of the series that cuts between the characters in the human realm trying to get home, and the characters in the Boiling Isles just trying to stay alive. It would feature the coven heads in more detail, as well as the gradual wearing down of Bosha, but also camaraderie, and a moment where Flora D’splora rocks up to Hexside and threatens Puddles, only to get absolutely beaned by Viney. I think that would have been cool.

Next week, I’ll be covering Any Sport In A Storm, and the most important character arc of the entire series: Steve. Stick around if that interests you.

Previous - Next

[bigtreefest]

Hello Essie! I'm sure you'll be shocked by which fic I'm asking about. 🤣

3. Which part of The Rainmaker (so far) was hardest to write?

Haha, Kris, you know how much I love talking about The Rainmaker, though!! It’s an addiction!! So thank you for feeding into that, I’ll never complain😂

I don’t wanna cheat and say what I’m trying to write right now is difficult, but I will anyway. I’m currently working on chapter 8, and it’s hard because there are so many ideas I tossed down, wanting to use for the future, and lining them up correctly, plus making sure they make sense timeline-wise for character development is proving a little difficult. It’s fine, though, because Decks is kicking me through it😅 “what do you mean it’s hard? It’s literally all right there. Just do it.” Oh, she’s a sassy little thing, and kinda heartless at times, but she’s my best friend I swear (actually she is very heavily based off my best friend but that’s a song for another time).

As for the parts I’ve posted already, I’d say Chapter 2: Cooks in the Kitchen was kind of daunting. I think it was first time I was truly establishing the dynamic for Steve and Decks independent of their friends, and within their own environment. Plus, while writing, there was the constant question of ‘how mean is too mean?’ Because I wanted there to be a standoffishness between them, especially on her part since he’s just weirdly…around? But also, there’s just something underlying that draws them to each other despite all the other stuff that they can’t quite put their finger on. Plus, they’re both such hard workers, so at the end of the day, they’re being diligent and doing their jobs, but just in slightly different ways. Many subtleties in their actions and I hope those came across.

Thank you so much for asking!!🥰

Questions fic writers want to be asked (ask game)

[ryuichirou]

Hello it is I, the Floyddle and Azudia headcanon anon!

(at this point I feel like I need an emoji or a nickname to sign off as for anon😂/j)

But I saw your art of Jamil and Kalim when Kalim realizes about his crush too late and he gets married off , and three things.

1, Amazing art as always I gotta give chef kiss and tap those heart buttons every time I see the art on here and Twitter!

2, I need an update on that, will Kalim that he realized he had feelings too late ? 😭 (I live for angst )

3, If you guys ship the two, you know what time it is...

✨headcanon time ✨

After 10000 years I’m finally replying, Anon! Sorry for the long wait.

I’m excited to talk about Kalim/Jamil. I love them very much, and once again, this is one of those ships that I’d draw more if I had more brain capacity, free hands and free time… So to at least talking about them in a post feels great, thank you for your ask!

First of all, thank you so much for liking them and looking at our stuff both here and on twitter! <3 I’m very happy to hear that.

Second of all, well, Kalim is in a difficult situation lol He’s so used to Jamil always being there for him, he wouldn’t really even think that he has a crush on him for the longest time. That’s why, when it’s finally time for him to start a family of his own, and it feels weird and wrong, and he suddenly feels this strong and desperate longing towards Jamil, who isn’t available to him anymore, he’d finally start thinking about it. And then he’d realise that it’s too late, but he can’t do anything about his feelings either, they’re impossible to ignore now. Kalim is torn, conflicted and miserable. And Jamil… Jamil has to deal with it, let’s leave it at this for now.

Sooo headcanons! Oh, and these are about KaliJami in general, not about that comic we’ve talked about before.

Kalim is actually quite possessive of Jamil, but he might never get an opportunity to realise it. But theoretically, if Jamil was to serve someone else, take care of someone else or give more attention to someone else, Kalim would probably feel weirdly upset about it. He really doesn’t know just how much he’s used to Jamil always taking care of him, and how much he doesn’t want to actually share Jamil’s absolute attention with others.

Kalim is the king of unintentional mixed messages: he is so casually flirty that sometimes it’s difficult to figure out if he’s just being his usual charming Kalim self or actually tries to be flirty. Jamil just assumes that it’s never romantic with him, and with others, well, it doesn’t concern him. That’s a huge mistake…

That being said, Jamil would probably realise that Kalim has a crush on him before Kalim himself realises it. But would still try to ignore it for as long as he could. They won’t start dating unless Kalim makes the first move, and even then, Jamil’s first instinct would be to turn him down (and he would actually turn him down). “For Kalim’s own sake”. But Kalim is persistent and is horrible at suppressing his feelings and desires; he’s very spoiled by Jamil, after all.

Once they start dating, Kalim is going to become even more insufferable because he’ll instantly get 10 times more clingy. He is very physical and loving, it’s like he wants to constantly hug and kiss Jamil and rub his face against Jamil’s. Especially at first, during the honeymoon phase (although with Kalim the honeymoon phase never really ends, he wakes up every day and acts amazed and enamored with everything Jamil does). 

Because of that, Kailm’d find it super difficult to hide their relationships. He doesn’t even know why they have to hide it, but Jamil insisted on it, so he has to stay quiet. And it’s horrible, because Kalim wants nothing more than to shower Jamil with kisses while chatting with other people, hold his hands, casually touch him and talk about how much he loves him. And to brag around about how wonderful it is to be dating Jamil. Please, Kalim, just shut the fuck up…

Kalim would also be horrible about personal boundaries. Sometimes Jamil would find him in his bed in the morning, because yes, he is that clingy. Also quite capricious and pushy.

Jamil is the one who’d rationalise their relationship by thinking that everything that’s going on is just him obeying to Kalim’s whims once again, and that Kalim would probably get bored eventually and move on. Kalim, on the other hand, doesn’t think too far ahead, he’s too euphoric because of his feelings. Ironically, despite Jamil’s concerns about Kalim’s airheadness and kind of unhealthy nature of their relationships, Kalim’s feelings are pretty serious and much deeper than Jamil realises.

Not only Kalim does embarrassing romantic stuff all the time, he also says a lot of embarrassing romantic stuff all the time. And compliments Jamil’s appearance even more than he used to. Sometimes it feels like he just tries to make Jamil blush and get mad at him, but he really isn’t, he’s just that honest and that in love.

Kalim is obsessed with Jamil’s hair. During the day he tries to control himself and not touch it (Jamil told him not to several times), but during intimate moments he really can’t help himself. He grabs it, strokes it, smells and kisses it. Jamil finds it annoying, but since it’s done when both of them are quite aroused, he’ll complain about it later.

Kalim is the loud one during sex. He’s like… too loud. He’s horrible and holding back, which makes Jamil even more nervous than he already is. It’s a hot mess.

Alright, I think that’s it for now. Thank you for your ask again!

[alekaknightt]

washed away

i have a memory in mind, i often find myself traveling there all the time, its mid afternoon im with my older brother we’re watching cartoons, i can feel the warmth from the sun onto the carpet, i just sit there cross legged with him, i feel safe, i feel at home, i laugh with him, and then he leaves and plays with his friends, i still sit there mindlessly, i twirl my hair, play with my hands, grab a snack, do my homework,

wonder..

wait.

dream…

i feel childhood memories as if they’re a beautiful portrait of imagery and watercolored languid love and life is the storm that you find when you go outside and see bits washed away and every night and every time you wake up another piece has washed away and yet..

you can still see it. but only ever in your mind.

you go and try with the same colors and the same freefall thinking but it never comes out right, never can seem to recreate it the same, its there but only slightly.

different.

washed away.

you have all the colors and broken links of chalk but its too difficult, too much pressure to try and get it exact. and yet too afraid to create something new.

we’re in the car, me, my mom, my two brothers. we’re driving around the same city we all know, its mid afternoon again, pumped up kicks is on the radio, it’s dream pop melody with the same chatter from my family and the glow the sun is emitting from back of car as if it’s setting the scene fills my chest with the same safety and comfort i can’t put into words. i can’t remember anything but the feeling. a feeling i always thought would be there.

washed away.

my mom comes home with a dvd one night , “coraline”, my brother thinks its dumn and goes to play video games, im intrigued, excited, and yet terrified of something new. i loved it and had nightmares for two weeks.

14 years later im 17, its anniversary is playing in theaters again, i walk in excited, the same excitement i remember feeling the first time i ever watched it, and as i sit down i feel as if im sitting with a younger me, im entranced, jittery, and as the credits role i realize I’ve never felt more alone.

washed away.

all of grandmas i credit to help shaping my childhood. don’t want me around anymore. my conversations feel forced, burdening. my chest feels tight and mind scattered. i don’t know what to say anymore. my full cheeks and all toothy grin and wild curls can’t speak for me anymore. i think of them now with a 6 years old heart.

washed away.

talking with my brothers is different. i weirdly know them better, i can gather all the tools to start to understand, and yet it breaks me so much more when i do, they have so much pain and anger, i don’t feel safe as i once did, because i realize it’s all gone.

washed away.

i wake up alongside my little sister, i see the mop of light brown blonde curls, i see big brown eyes sunken with sleep, long graphic pjs, i see her as she breaks out into the same all knowing toothy grin i once had, her face says it all, she’s inspired, she’s safe, she’s ready for the day.

washed away but excited to draw again.

my childhood was magical. i believed in everything and nothing. the good in everyone. fearless. excited for everday. i don’t know if that feeling will ever come back. i felt safe, wrapped in warm blankets of comfort, the same happiness and excitement you get after swimming all day and you start to eat and then fall asleep, content. i wonder where it all went sometimes.

because between here and there i stopped crying out of pain and started crying being filled with so much pain, between here and there i stopped wanting hugs because i never felt as if anyone ever wanted to hug me as much as i did, between here and there i stopped wearing purple and pink because too much color was loud and repressive, like listening to happy music when you’re sad. between here and there i stopped letting my stomach hang out and stopped not caring about my appearance, between here and there my curls were reduced to straight, all teeth smile now a tight lipped grin.

between here and there and everywhere it all washed away

just washed away

aleka

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

Finished it. Finished the radio show. Here's one more post about it.

Finished the 196 hours of Peacock and Gamble, and now I can be free of it. Sort of. I do have other Ray Peacock/Ian Boldsworth stuff lined up to get into, but I can do other things first. I’m still not going to listen to anyone talk about ghosts. Same reason I don’t want to listen to people talk about food, it’s just not an interesting entertainment subject to me. So those are a couple of avenues for following their later work that are immediately shut down. But there’s a whole Patreon full of other Ian Boldsworth stuff, and FUBAR Radio has archived his shows with Angela Barnes that I want to hear, and I think I’ll pick and choose the episodes of his solo radio show with guests who look interesting (so the ones with comedian guests, pretty much).

It ended pretty well. The second-last episode was really rough, but they brought it back and finished strong with the last one, which I think is how things like this often go. They start to run out of steam after they’ve been doing it a while, and then in the final episode, when they know they don’t have to conserve any energy or ideas for later, they’re really good. Though usually that pattern applies to things that have been running for more than six months. It was a long six months, it seems. Drained their individual and combined creative energies in ways that would usually take years.

To be fair to them, most of the worst stuff from the last couple of episodes was down to some of the listeners who called in getting fairly weird. But to be fair to the listeners, that was mainly Ray Peacock and Ed Gamble’s fault. And to be fair to Ed Gamble, it was mainly Ray Peacock’s fault. There were times in the sort of middle episodes when I thought he was playing with fire a bit in the way he messed with the listeners. Stuff that worked really well when he was doing it with Raji James, a professional actor who knew him well and who’d helped to plan this beforehand. Ray started trying it with unsuspecting listeners, a few of whom were pretty young (there was a weirdly high number of quite young fans who called in regularly), and it was often very, very funny.

But it did come back on him later, as some listeners seemed to not understand things like boundaries or how comedy shows worked, entirely understandably, given that they were young and Ray Peacock wasn’t drawing lines very well. Seems like the type of thing where he may have known better if he’d been in a clearer mental state,. I don’t know that for sure, obviously, but someone who’s done that much compering work probably knows how to keep control of an audience interaction, most of the time. So all that stuff in the middle episodes where he went unprofessionally off the rails due to a breakdown – it was very funny, but it turns out that some of those rails exist for a reason, and sometimes there are consequences to going off them.

It happens to be a specific thing that I find it really really difficult to listen to. People talk about cringe comedy that’s hard to watch due to the second-hand embarrassment, like Peep Show or The Office or Alan Partridge, and I’m normally fine with those. I find them funny, and I don’t feel the need to look away. Maybe Mark Corrigan’s eating a dog or something, but David Mitchell’s fine, this isn’t real and isn’t a big deal.

However, one thing that will trigger extreme second-hand embarrassment in me is a real-life incident of fans who try too hard to get attention from the people they’re fans of. Or just fans who misread situations, who try to get involved in things more than is appropriate. Audience members interacting with the performer during comedy shows - heckling, or even just crowd work where the crowd member answers a question with one more word than is necessary - makes my shoulders tense up.

John Robins has a story about how he was a huge fan of Adam and Joe’s radio show, back when he was new-ish to comedy (not completely new, but before he’d ever been on the radio or was well known within the comedy community, so Adam and Joe wouldn’t have known who he was), and one time, while drinking a lot, he wrote them a very long email with about five different stories in it that he hoped would get read on their show, and he also wrote emotional stuff about how much they meant to him and how listening to them had got him through difficult times. And they never read out any of his stories, but in the episode after he sent that email, they mentioned that the listener emails are getting too long, so please keep them shorter. And I do not understand how John Robins is able to tell that story as just another one in his long list of stand-up/radio “shame well” stories, which is what he calls his funny stories about embarrassing moments from his past. That shouldn’t be thrown in with the time he accidentally insulted his girlfriend’s mother or whatever. That should be in a category of its own. That is the worst one. I’m tensing up just thinking about it. And now I’m thinking about the time his friend let me know he’d found my Tumblr blog and I’m tensing up even more, even though the guy was very nice about it. That one caused so much first-hand embarrassment that I decided to stop following John Robins’ stuff altogether, and in fact, would very much like to stop writing about it now. The idea of getting attention from people I like - I find that so embarrassing that I can hardly even listen to other people get attention from people they like.

It doesn’t even just have to be a fan interaction, though, that’ll trigger that major second-hand embarrassment in me. It’s anyone who’s in a situation where they’re not in charge and they overstay their welcome. Daniel Kitson had a bit in some of his stand-up for a while about finding it difficult to listen to interviews on the news, in which they don’t schedule enough time for a guest to say everything they want to say, and the news presenter has to hurry them along to make sure the show keeps happening on time, and you can hear the presenter get increasingly anxious as the guest takes too long to answer, and you end up cringing on everyone’s behalf. I feel that way when I listen to the news a lot. Peep Show and Alan Partridge are easy for me to watch, I don't get the second-hand embarrassment there, but I get actively anxious when listening to interviewees who talk too much in a radio show on a tight timeline.

Peacock & Gamble’s radio show was hardly run on a tight timeline – quite the opposite – but it still had little moments like that throughout its run. That’ll happen to some extent on anything that takes calls from listeners, where at some point the presenter will start trying to hurry them off the phone, and the listener will start speaking faster to try to get everything across, and I’ll think, “Oh my God just please hang up.” But it got much worse in those last couple of episodes, largely due to Ray Peacock having spent several weeks in a row playing with younger listeners who understandably thought this now means they’re part of the show. And possibly also thought other things.

To their credit, Peacock & Gamble seemed to recognize that it had got out of hand, and tried to shut it down. But this led to a couple of episodes in a row with excruciatingly awkward listener phone calls, some of the worst second-hand embarrassment I’ve ever felt. I managed to listen to them, but barely, and several times I very nearly just said, “Fuck my relentless completism that means I have to listen to every moment of a show or doesn’t count, I’m skipping ahead.” It got bad.

Anyway, aside from that it was a strong ending. The last episode was excellent overall, incredibly funny, the two of them just messing around with the “Don’t give a fuck what happens because we’re done with this place” energy that they’d had for a while, but without all the bitterness that was usually behind it, because they’d finally decided that they actually were done, for real, so they didn’t need to be upset anymore. The part of me that likes dark comedy quite enjoyed listening to their increasing bitterness at the radio station and everything in it, but it was a good time to hear them end on a note of shedding all that and just playing stupid songs and having fun.

I think I need to take back what I said in a post about the earlier episodes, that I thought maybe Ed Gamble is playing his straight man role too hard not just for double act role reasons, but because he genuinely finds Ray Peacock’s schtick less funny at age 28 than he did at 21. I don’t think that’s true anymore. Once Ed relaxed a bit, Ray Peacock regained his ability to make Ed Gamble laugh until he sounded like he was going to die, and that was always delightful. I’m back to my theory that maybe in the early episodes, Ed was just trying to make the show run smoothly so he could use it to advance his career, possibly in “proper radio”. Or maybe, less cynically, he was just new to radio and didn’t know what was allowed. Or they hadn’t worked together in a while, particularly not in unscripted situations, and it took them a bit of time to remember how they fit together that way. Whatever the reason, I can now barely remember how Ed Gamble seemed to be “too professional” in those early episodes, he dropped that altogether and they got to close the Peacock & Gamble double act on lots of childish silliness where they were at their best. Singing along to songs together, yelling at anyone who came near them, not giving a fuck.

On the subject of Ed Gamble – to the person who sent me a message some time ago that asked if there were any references in his older work to Ed Gamble dating a teenager at the time – yes, one. In the 2014 radio show, there was one point when they were discussing some early time when Ed Gamble was first getting to know the person who became his girlfriend, and Ray was complaining about something else Ed was doing at the time, and threw into his complaints the phrase “And she was only about ten.” To be extremely clear, as is always worth doing in these situations, she was not, in fact, ten. Ray Peacock was employing comedic exaggeration, to comedically exaggerate his point, which was “She was too young.” And that was the only reference to it that I caught, in seven years of double act.

I’ve thought of that Ed Gamble dating a teenager situation thing this week, as Tumblr is full of people posting about the parasocial thing where fans get so attached to people in the public eye that they feel hurt if they find out something bad about them, like they’ve been personally let down. I’ll admit that’s happened to me before (of course it’s happened, I dedicated years of my childhood to Harry Potter), more often when I was younger and more naïve, less as I get older and expect less from people in general. I used to use an analogy about where I put the few scraps of the faith in humanity I have left. I had a few scraps tied to JK Rowling, so when she went hard right-wing, those scraps disappeared and my dwindling faith in humanity got even lower.

It’s happened to me before, but I really don’t think that’s what happened here. I don’t think I had any scraps of faith in humanity tied up in the idea that Ed Gamble never dated a 17-year-old when he was 24 (that’s what happened, in case anyone’s reading this without context, I want to be careful not to irresponsibly imply that it was any worse than that, but also, it probably doesn't matter because I’m assuming no one’s reading this post). I did have an emotional reaction when I first learned that, a couple of months ago, but I don’t think any of that emotion was about feeling personally let down by Ed Gamble. I just get emotional whenever that topic is brought up, because it makes me think of all the teenage girls I’ve known/worked with/coached/been in a position of power over and desperately wanted to protect, who’ve been sexualized by adults. It also makes me think of some stuff that happened to me as a teenager, and generally, I have a strong visceral reaction to the idea of teenagers being sexualized by adults. When I did some math on Ed Gamble's relationship, I don't think I got any more upset that I would have if I'd read about some guy I'd never heard of doing the same thing.

So I had that reaction, but once that initial emotion faded away, I was just annoyed. I didn't feel betrayed, I didn't feel let down, it was just fucking annoying that something else has been tainted now. I don’t think sleeping with a girl who’s of legal age, even if only just (I worded that sentence in a way that avoided saying “barely legal” because I think that's an absolutely disgusting term and I don't want to use it... but the fact that I had to put effort into avoiding using that term is not a sign that I'm talking about a good thing), means Ed Gamble is a terrible person and listening to his stuff is morally wrong. I don’t feel any moral obligation to stop subscribing to podcasts where he makes money or anything, it’s not a situation like that.

It just means that whenever I enjoy his work, I now have a voice in my head saying “Think about all the time you’ve spent in your life fighting against adult men who creep on teenage girls, if you enjoy the work of this adult man then you’re a hypocrite.” And that’s an irritating fucking voice to have in my head when I’m trying to enjoy a comedy podcast. I’ve been enjoying the work of Ed Gamble for ages. I think the Taskmaster podcast is very good, I’ve liked him a lot in many different roles on other people’s TV shows and radio shows and podcasts, he was one of my all-time favourite Taskmaster contestants, (his stand-up's not great but that’s fine), all that is the reason why I went looking for his earlier stuff in the first place. And it’s really, really annoying that I now can’t enjoy any of that stuff without the voice.

The voice was there the whole rest of the time that I watched/listened to Peacock & Gamble things, but I tried to stop mentioning it in posts so much, because I figured it’s my issue, I don’t need to keep going on about it. I’m doing one more mention of it as I wrap this up, and then I’ll hopefully be done. I kept listening to Peacock & Gamble because it was entertaining enough to still be very funny even if the voice did taint it a bit. It takes a lot, though, for something to be so funny that it's worth hearing that voice. The Taskmaster NZ podcasts have started airing, and I’m skipping those. If Andy Zaltzman weren’t on the next season, I’d probably just unsubscribe from it. Podcasts discussing a non-Zaltzman Taskmaster season would probably not be enough to be worth putting up with the voice. But I think I can’t miss a chance to hear them talk about Andy Zaltzman. So that’s how far my principles go, I guess.

So as much as Peacock & Gamble has been worth it, it’s sort of nice to now be done with that and move on to things that don’t put that voice in my head. I’m going to re-listen to Ed’s ComCom episode because I want to hear his retrospective on Peacock & Gamble now that I have a lot more context to understand it, and that’ll be it from him. There’s lots more I want to hear from Ian Boldsworth, I don’t feel the need to hear a lot more from Ed Gamble. Not until Andy Zaltzman starts appearing on Taskmaster, anyway.

There is one quote from the final episode of their radio show, that -

Ed Gamble: Sometimes logic goes out the window and you’re just left with the residual chemical feeling of anger. Ray Peacock: All I have is my anger, and I need somewhere to direct it.

That exchange won't have the same impact written down as it did if you can hear the context and delivery, but I did stop when I heard that one to think, I kind of want to get that embroidered on a throw pillow to look at in my living room every day. Or possibly printed out in calligraphy and mounted on my wall. Maybe turn it into a mantra for if I ever take up meditation?

I was going to say that Ray Peacock and Ed Gamble suddenly taking a moment out of their comedy show to dissect the nature of anger in minute detail will be one of those tiny moments that sticks in my head for a surprisingly long time. Which made me wonder what other very small moments from the ~60-hour radio run will surprisingly stick in my head. I have to admit, the first little exchange I thought of was from way back in episode 2:

Ray Peacock: Would you fuck Jar Jar Binks? Thom Tuck: No. Ray Peacock: No, I mean, as a punishment. Thom Tuck: ...For who? Ray Peacock: For him.

It was the tone of voice in the way Ray cleared up the misunderstanding. "Oh, no, sorry that you incorrectly thought I meant for pleasure, let me make it clear that I am somehow talking about something weirder than that." "Let me make it clear that I am somehow talking about something weirder than that" is a great summary of many of Ray Peacock's best punchlines. From thence the humour arose, I guess.

It's weird what little things get to you. It's been a couple of months now since I watched the documentary about The Ray Peacock Podcast, and I now briefly picture Raji James every time I open a cupboard, due to Ed Gamble dropping the amazing line: "If you knew Raji, you'd look for him in cupboards as well."

Anyway, that was a good time. I think I went through that pretty fast, even for me. I've just checked, and I downloaded The Ray Peacock Podcast on May 7, so that's when I started this. 196 hours of Peacock and Gamble in about nine weeks. I'm going to keep paying Ian Boldsworth money for a while, I'm definitely not done with his stuff. But for the moment, I have a whole bunch of new stand-up that I'm quite excited to listen to, now that I'm free.

[symbiotic-slime]

that's a lot, but still: for the fanfic ask game: ❤, 💥, ⏰️ , 👓 , 🦋 , 🦈, 💭, 🧪, 🔥, 💘,💡, 🔎, 🎨 .

SORRY, THAT'S A LOT!!! 😭

hi I’m so so sorry it took me a bit to get around to this 😭 also never apologize for sending too many, I am professional yapper and will take every opportunity to talk about my fics :D

❤️ What is your favorite line that you’ve written in a fic?

oooo this is tough! I have to go with this line from the fic I’m working on right now, which kinda goes too hard for a fanfiction that involves a man falling in love with mold

💥 What is one canon thing that you wish you could change?

Eddie Brock being the King in Black. I know there’s a lot of people who think it’s cool and like it, but to me it just feels out of place for him. like he should just be A Guy™️, not like the commander of all symbiotes and able to move through time or whatever the hell is going on right now in the current run.

⏰️ Do you like to post fics on a schedule or at random?

they’re definitely at random! it’s just whenever I get bursts of inspiration, I’m trying to be more regular (especially with VenomFest— I’m trying to keep up with it being weekly) but yeah, there’s no schedule 😅

👓 What helps you focus when you write?

this is gonna make me sound like an iPad baby but I love having videos I’ve already seen on in the background while I write! if Coffeezilla isn’t explaining a scam on my tv while I write on my phone/laptop than I am operating at like 50% efficiency 💀 It’s so bad 😭

🦋 Which character is your favorite to write?

I absolutely love writing the Venom Symbiote!! they’re such a goober it makes them so enjoyable to write! also it’s so fun to write about human things from the perspective of a guy who’s confused by them all the time.

🦈 Which character is the toughest to write?

Don’t know if he’s actually tough to write but part of the reason I haven’t written any symbiOT3 fics is because I’m scared of fucking up Flash 😭 I get like that with new characters, I get so petrified of writing them even though I find when i actually do write them it’s not as bad as I think. like it took me a while to build up to writing comics!Eddie, even though he’s not that hard to write (imo) and very fun to write!

💭 What inspires you and your writing?

LGBT delusions /j

my genuine answer is honestly not far off from that though— Venom and Eddie just exist in my brain all the time and writing about them helps me from just rotating them in my brain all day.

🧪 Do you research for your fics?

a bit? it depends on what I’m writing because most of it isn’t stuff that requires research, but if I ever get around to my Malevolent/Venom crossover I’m going to have to figure out how investigations actually work.

🔥 Have you included any sexy scenes in your fics? If yes, do you find them easy or difficult to write?

I have written them and I find them lowkey difficult to write 😭 I love writing them— all the ones I have published right now are x reader fics but the TMA au does get weirdly horny. listen okay im not crazy the corruption draws on sexual horror so it’s narratively compelling for Eddie to be horny for mold— [I am dragged out of the room by armed security guards]

💘 Is it easier to write angst or fluff?

fluff!! I find it hard to write angst— I just want all of them to be happy and gay and live happily ever after

💡How many WIPs do you currently have?

Currently I have two WIPs! I’ve got my Magnus archives AU, which has three WIP chapters, and I started writing a Eddie/Venom/Reader smut fic >:3

🔎 Does anyone beta read or edit your fics?

some of my irl friends beta read and edit my fics!! @fist-of-vengeance and @cyborg-empress are what keeps me from publishing fics with typos and just overall issues, I cannot thank them enough!!

📚 Is there a fanfic or fanfic writer you recommend?

OUGH there’s too many,,, I’ll try to narrow it down to just three of my favourites:

good old fashioned symbrock smut from Symby’s perspective:

symbiOT3 fic where Flash and Eddie are neighbours! it’s so adorable, I cannot wait for the next chapter:

and a fic where Venom is the monster under kid!Eddie’s bed! kinda heavy (it deals with Eddie being abused), but it’s so heartwarming to see kid!Eddie and Venom becoming friends and Venom protecting Eddie:

[angellesword]

Heyy how are the your eyes tell couple doing bcozz I'm really missing them rn

Hi! They’re doing ok! Gukkie recently got a vasectomy because little miss lawyer birthed triplets 🥹 (they have five children now). Unsurprisingly, Y/N cried harder when she saw JK feeling a little bit of discomfort after his procedure. She wasn’t even that emotional when she gave birth to the triplets, haha! (Don’t think she’s weird ok. She’s just in love)

The triplets took after Y/N. They hover around their dad whenever and wherever. They’re all girls. One of the triplets really likes biting JK’s cheeks. The other one would paint random things on JK’s arms. (if JK feels like it, he’d have the drawings permanently tattooed on his skin. but Y/N isn’t too happy about it.) hey, it’s difficult to explain to her nosy clients why her husband has a weirdly shaped toaster tattooed on his arms, ok? (one of the triplets drew it with a heavy heart and snot on her face, saying, “Bad toaster! Burn mummy’s hands!)

On the other hand, Chae-won, their firstborn, usually stays with the Kims! Seokjin and Red treat her like how they would treat their real daughter. 

The only one who sticks around Y/N the most is Kyuhyun, their second born—the only boy. Kyuhyun looks so much like his father—with bambi eyes and all that--so it’s heartwarming to see an innocent-looking sweetheart who always acts so serious. Kyuhyun doesn’t like a lot of things in life. In fact, he only likes three: his family, law, and Wonwoo.

Who’s Wonwoo, you ask? He’s Taehyung and Jimin’s child. Tae suspects the two children have a crush on each other, but they’re not soulmates, so…you know, drama’s brewing 👀

All in all, they live a pretty mundane life. Y/N is still practicing law, and JK sometimes paints. He’s a full-time malewife and Y/N’s babygirl, though 🤧🤧🤣🤣

Thanks, anon for asking how the YET couple is doing! I haven’t thought about them in a while, so writing this is very refreshing. ❤️❤️

[iggydabirdkid]

Good things come in threes!  This is the third of the 6 drawings I have planned for Pride Month!

The Wayhaven Chronicles is one I hold dear, being someone who loves everything supernatural. And how can I pass up the opportunity for angst with a certain golden-haired vampire?? 

So this is what I did for My Detective (Agent now I guess XD) Theadora Rickson and Ava Du Mortain.

(Forgive me if some of the spelling and punctuation is strange. It was weirdly difficult trying to write this in the style the game is written in. Also this ones a little longer, so don’t feel obligated to read it if ya don’t want to. Just enjoy the pretty art :) )

+++++

Lost in Your Eyes

The alarm that blares from my phone jumpstarts my heart as my eyes snap open. Groaning and turning my face into my plump pillow I reluctantly roll onto my stomach and reach blindly towards the shrill sound, my palm slapping against the surface of beside table before finally connecting with the offending device.   

Another groan escapes me and I lift my head while blinking against the glow of the screen as I turn the alarm off. I hate having to get up so early but I had doomed myself by neglecting my paperwork all week and now I was paying the price. I was just glad that I had had the foresight to ask Verda to send it over to the Warehouse. At least that way I could get it done from the comfort of the library. I let my head flop back down into the inviting plush of my pillow, “Thanks past me,” I mumble, the act of rolling my eyes made difficult by my position.

Letting out a sigh I finally decide to get up as I knew that if I stayed laying down I would for sure fall asleep again. I push the top half of my body off the mattress as I lean on my forearms and yawn before arching my back and hearing the cracks and pops of my joints before sitting back on my haunches. I tip my head back to roll my neck and lift my arms up high over me before shaking them out and standing up. I scowl as I look down to see my covers bunched up around my feet and I kicked my blankets to the floor, they needed to be washed anyways. As I jump from my bed it rocks beneath me and I grimace, placing a hand against its wooden frame to steady it.

The wall before me was dappled with morning sunlight and unable to help myself I wave a hand through the specks of dust floating in the rays of gold. With a smile of my face I let myself relax. Sometimes it was worth waking up early, if only for the little things. Speaking of…

I spin around and grab my phone off the nightstand, swiping down from the top of the screen to check my notifications as I pad barefoot from my room and into the kitchen. No new messages. The frown on my face was familiar, as was the way my heart seemed to sink in my chest. I was hoping that she would have sent a message, even if it was a brief one. Seeing nothing stung and I scowl at myself, “They’re on a mission!” I shout into my empty apartment as I throw my phone onto the kitchen counter and turn to the kettle to press its toggle down, “She won’t have time to send anything…” I trail off as I grab a mug and tea bag from the cupboard, willing the words to set my feelings at ease but there was still the tiniest voice way at the back of my mind that said otherwise, “Stop it.” I spit out harsh words to myself as I watch the steam rise from the kettle’s spout. But I can’t help it as the image of emerald-green eyes pop into my mind. I groan and rub my face with my hands, “Great…” I grumble just as the kettle clicks off, “What a fantastic way to start the morning…”

-----

My car rumbles along the dirt pathway leading up to the warehouse and I feel every shift and bump that it makes, but I don’t mind. It may be old but that just gives it character! Not something that everyone in Unit Bravo believes and when I had made the same joke about Ava herself, only Farah had laughed. I snicker as I remembered the sour look on Ava’s face as she had pursed her lips, her form tightening as she had turned away. I wonder how she’s doing…

Soon enough I pull up in front of the warehouse, parking my car and wincing at the loud creaking noise the handbrake made when I pulled it up. Maybe I should be thinking about upgrading… I’m sure Ava would help with her love of cars… I smack myself lightly on the forehead. Stop thinking about Ava, you have work to do! I unclip my seatbelt, yank my bag from the passenger seat, and open my door with a kick before stepping out onto the mossy forest floor. I threw my door closed with a slam that reverberated throughout the still almost silence and I stop in my tracks to just take in the view.

I loved it here. Being in the forest, being in nature with the trees and the animals. I loved the way the rays of sun filtered in through the treetops high above, their branches swaying in the wind and causing the light to dance about the ground in such interesting ways. I smile to myself before making sure my car is locked and heading inside the warehouse, walking through the dark and dusty false interior before entering through the key carded locked door and entering the warehouse proper. The door had only just closed behind me before a blur of colour rockets forwards from down the hall and I freeze on the spot, becoming a perfectly still target for the energetic vampire who would have knocked me over had my back not been right up against the door.

“Thea!” Farah squeals as she wraps her arms around my shoulders, pinning my hair to my back as she does so.

“Farah!” I reply and drop my bag to hug her back, “You’ve returned?” I laugh even as I feel my brow crease.

“Earlier this morning yeah.” She pulls back then picks my bag up and hands it to me. I watch as she cocks her head to one side and I shift on the spot when her eyes zero in on my face, “You’re upset?”

“Not about you returning!” I reassure her as I start my walk towards the library, “I was just hoping to get a text from Ava this morning. Considering…” I trail off, “I know its stupid, but is she in at the moment?” I ask as I turn my head slightly to peer at the shorter vampire who shakes her head in reply.

“She left an hour ago. Wouldn’t tell us where she was going, which is new but.” she shrugs and I watch her shoulders disappear into the frizz of her hair.

“Guess that for the best, I didn’t realize you guys were back today. I left Ava’s present back at my apartment.”

“You got her a present!” Farah shouts as she begins to bounce on the balls of her feet.

“Of course I did! Why wouldn’t I?” I chuckle as I push open the door to the library, allowing Farah to enter before me.

“What did ya get her?” Farah asks, skipping over to and flopping down onto the old patterned couch.

“Ohhh no,” I wag my finger at her as I dump my bag by her feet, “You’re terrible at keeping secrets. I’m more likely to tell Morgan than you and that only as she’ll forget because she doesn’t care.” I snicker, striding past Farah to the desk where I could see my paperwork sitting neatly atop. The sound of the chair scraping across the hardwood floor as I drag it out fills the large space, and I hope in vain that Nat hadn’t heard. I didn’t need another lecture on proper etiquette. I slump down into the chair and scoot back under the desk before spreading my files across its surface, only to be interrupted by the sound of a quirky tune rising from where Farah sat with her back to me. I sigh and give a quiet laugh as I turn in my chair, “Farah?” I start, speaking up to get her attention.

“Huh?” comes the distracted reply as she tilts her head backwards to look at me. I shake my own head with a grin.

“As much as I love your company I have work I need to do, and I rather I get it all done before Rebecca realizes I’ve been slacking again.”

“She’s not in charge of you anymore though?”

“Try telling her that!” I chortle, “And she’s still my mother. She’ll nag me about it and I’ll have to listen to her talk about work ethic again and I’d rather avoid that if I can.”

“Ugh! Fine fine, I’ll get out of your hair.”

I open my mouth to thank her. Only to stop and instead raise an eyebrow as she reaches behind to grab the arm of the couch with both hands before lifting her legs off from the cushions, arching them over her head pushing herself off the as she flips over. Her feet land with a thud against the ground and she raises her arms above her head as she turns to me, “Ta da!”

“You’re ridiculous!” I laugh as I clap and she grins before grabbing her beanie from the floor, the article of clothing having fallen off during her stunt and allowing half her face to be covered by her curls. She crams it back on her head and moves her hair aside to give me a wink and fire finger guns at me before spinning on her heel and leaving. I turn back to my paper and groan at the full day of work I saw ahead of me before I sigh, and begin.

 -----

I wake up with a start as a loud knock rings throughout the library. As I bolt upright in my seat a few stray sheets of paper that had stuck themselves to my face fall back to the desk. I shake my head, brush my hair over my shoulders and reach for my phone to check the time. If the bright numbers hadn’t alerted me to the fact that I had slept through the time I normally would have had lunch, then the rumble of my stomach would have clued me in. I jump and drop my phone back to the desk when whoever is outside the room knocks again.

“Uh, come in?” No need to raise my voice for whichever vampire it was that had the polite thought to knock first. The door cracks open and I quickly rub the sleep from my eyes, turning in my chair as Ava steps into the room.

“I apologize for interrupting your-“

“I was doing paperwork,” I cut in, sitting up straight and pulling back my shoulders. Ava raises an eyebrow.

“You were sleeping.”

“I was sleeping…” I sigh in admittance, allowing my posture to slacken as I lean an elbow on the table and prop my head up in the palm of my hand, “But in my defense I got up very early. I was semi-responsible.” Ava shakes her head at my joviality but I catch the ghost of a smile as she walks my way. The light that shines in through the windows behind me casts her in a curtain of gold and as I stare into the pools of her eyes my weariness seems to simply wash away. She stops an arm’s length away from me and it was only then that I realized she had been holding her arms behind her back the entire time. I lean to the side in an attempt to peer past her but she shifts in such a way that makes it impossible, “Spoilsport,” I hmph before looking up at her and the uncharacteristically nervous expression that twists her strong features, “Is something wrong?”

“No. Nothing is wrong.” She shakes her head yet the way her lips draw close says otherwise.

“Ava, you look like you’re constipated,” I snort as I push my chair back and get to my feet, “What’s up?”

She brings her arms out then from behind her back and extends her hands out towards me with her palms facing up, and a squat rectangular box sitting upon them. She clears her throat and I flick my attention back up to her face, “This is for you.” My eyes widen in surprise and I reach for the small black box.

“For me?” A nod, “I did get you something as well,” I add as Ava’s hands drop to her side, “But-“

“But you left it at your apartment. Farah informed me as such.”

“I knew she would tell you,” I chuckle before grasping the lid and opening the present.

It takes me a few seconds to see that the intertwining cords of leather are a bracelet and I feel a genuine smile grace my lips. And it was another few seconds after that that I realize the bracelet was one I recognized, and I felt my smile soften into something sadder.

“This is my dad’s,” I whisper softly, not taking my eyes from the precious gift.

“Yes,” Ava replies after a few silent seconds, “Agent Rickson mentioned that it was your favorite of all the ones he had. But it had been worn into being non functional.”

“It was falling apart,” I sniffle as I feel my cheeks heat up, “I wore it so much and after that I just didn’t want to risk losing it. So I stashed it away.” I fall silent as I gently lift the treasure from the box, turning it over in the sunlight as I take in every inch of it. The happiness that fills me as I slip it onto my wrist was too much to contain, and I feel my face break out in a wide grin as I place the box on the desk and step closer to Ava. I reach up towards her, cupping my hands at the back of her head as she grabs onto my waist and pulls me flush against her.

“Theadora. Thea. Animus meus, domus meus…” Ava’s words were so soft spoken, a side of her only I got to see and I stare into her face, into her eyes, into her soul.

“Ava Du Mortain. Amor meus, amicus meus, vita mea…” I watched as her gaze softened yet her eyes still sparkled as her mouth morphed into a perfect small smile, “I could get lost in your eyes forever.”

[hamspamandjamsandwich]

ugggh sort of slogging through an artwork right now and I’m getting sooooooo in my head and self conscious about the way I make art

like. idk. i use strong language a lot because im melodramatic bitch, but generally i would consider my overall opinion of my art to be…harsh but fair. I could definitely cut myself some slack, but I’m also not *making shit up* just to hurt myself either. It’s critique that I’d give anyone, albeit harsher since it’s myself and not someone else.

I really think i have a complex because i have a graphic design background and…if you’ve seen my art…you can probably see why I found it very difficult to mesh my illustrations with my designs. Or maybe you can’t because you’re a better designer than me and would know what to do with it lmao. But i was doing that stuff when The Height Of Graphic Design™️ was Swiss typography and minimalism. So I pretty much never made anything that was on trend—aka marketable, which is sort of the entire point of graphic design—and it killed my confidence.

my skills stagnated because i was burnt out and couldn’t make anything, especially since i believed that the only stuff i was good at was literally unusable. And I did try, but it went pretty poorly. Looking back some of this was just imposter syndrome and me being a horrible inner critic. A lot of it looks better to me than it did then when i was making it. But i still see the exact same issues with my illustrative style in that space.

the never-ending complaint i have against my own art is also the thing that makes it good at all: it’s an absolute fucking mess of lines. Don’t get me wrong, i ADORE messy art. I love impressionist painting. I think gesture drawings and sketches are beautiful, and i like making mess art. But goddamn if it doesn’t feel like it’s the only thing i can make.

There’s so much i want to do but I feel extremely limited. I know the answer is that i should just practice and deal with stuff…sucking and looking ugly for a while. But it’s hard to throw all that time into making something that i know is subpar or even just bad.

And it’s just annoying to feel like the reason i can’t do something isn’t a materials or a money or even an inspiration or concept thing. It’s purely a skill issue. I literally just…can’t do it. It reminds me of when i went ice skating the first time and couldn’t make any progress despite my brain knowing what to do. My body couldn’t execute it. And it’s the same thing with this stuff.

I hate having to give up on something, not because i want to or am not enjoying it or don’t have time or anything, but because i simply can’t. I can’t ice skate, and I can’t make beautiful, clean art either, and for weirdly the exact same reason.

There’s also something to be said for the fact that any artist worth their salt regardless of their style can do what i do, really. It’s like i stopped after step 2 of sketching and never finished or learned anything past it lol. Every great artist out there doing great portraits or figure drawings can do gesture, can do sorta messy, etc. But i can’t clean my shit up to save my life lmao

idk this isn’t supposed to be a pity post or fishing. if i didn’t like the art i make i wouldn’t post it, you know? And i didn’t for a long time but i like everything I’ve put on here. I don’t think they’re bad, obviously. But when I see all the stuff I wish I could do…a wistful envy follows.

[bardly-working]

For the ask meme: 14?

14) Describe the art you would most like to create or commission if talent/money were no object. This is difficult, because I am not so much a visual thinker.  I love looking at art, but I’m not much for coming up with it.  I have a whole wishlist of which artists I would commission to draw which pieces of art once I actually have money... but they’re all for my d&d characters!  So... this is an interesting one! My first thought is a very dunamancy-looking piece with fractured small scenes of the Nein around the edges, around lettering of Essek’s line from 141: “I accept my regrets, my faults now, and I'm here today with this knowledge, in this moment with you, because of those mistakes. And as much as they hurt me, I don't want to change a thing.”  I have a tendency to just live in a constant state of regret, even over things that don’t matter at all, and learning to let go of it is a really difficult process.  I think something like this would be beautiful and also an important reminder to me. That or a steel ring that is designed to look like wood, with the words “Even iron can start again” (from Kerrek’s letter in C1) carved on the inside.  For the same reason. Weirdly Specific CR Ask Meme

[maiji]

2 19 29

From the Weirdly Specific Artist Ask Game: https://maiji.tumblr.com/post/705739707798159360

2. Is it easier to draw someone facing left or right (or forward even)

Oh god yes. For me, facing left is definitely easiest. Facing right has gotten significantly easier over many years of forcing myself to do it, and sometimes when I flip the image to check I don't even need to make any changes! ...Facing forward is still really hard. Drawing symmetrically is excruciatingly difficult for me, and that’s probably why in my previous answer there is no fully facing-forward Hokushin.

Allow me to demonstrate. 

Here’s a quick base sketch for general positioning.

[image: loose doodle of three heads facing the left, forward, and to the right. They’re little more than ovals with necks, and a cross through where the faces would be for roughly positioning eyes and noses.]

Next, first pass drawings, quick portrait doodles of three not-so randomly picked characters. 

[image: quick digital ink brush drawings layered over the previous doodles. Hokushin from Yu Yu Hakusho facing the left; Cloud Strife from Final Fantasy VII facing forward; Raiden from Metal Gear Solid facing the right and gazing back over his shoulder/at the viewer.]

I’ve drawn Hokushin a bajillion times; I haven’t drawn Cloud Strife in probably at least a decade; and I believe this is my first time drawing Raiden. Not too bad, I think? Let’s flip to check them oh god what the heck aaaaahhhhrrrgggh

[image: previous image flipped. Hokushin looks OK overall; Cloud Strife's face/jawline seems unbalanced/shifted more in one direction and his shoulders also seem unbalanced; Raiden’s features, in particular the bridge of his nose, seem a bit off.]

I imagine everyone has different levels of sensitivity, and I think it can be different looking at your own art versus looking at someone else’s art. In this case, it’s super jarring to me. There's also an aspect of subjectivity and perspective/brain processing information to it, as with looking at something in the mirror - I've had situations where a drawing looked very off to the point of being not-straight, lopsided etc., but when I actually used a ruler to check it wasn't. Here I drew Cloud in the middle hoping that his asymmetrical hair would help with the face forward symmetrical challenge; clearly it did not. 

Fixing…

[image: previous image updated. No change to Hokushin; Cloud's jawline and shoulder, and Raiden’s nose/eye/hair/chin tweaked a bit and without the base positioning doodles.]

Retouched version flipped. That’s a little better, I guess!

[image: previous image flipped. Again, no change to Hokushin; Cloud’s face looks a little more balanced; Raiden’s features a bit more natural.]

These drawings are significantly more confident, with much more minimal fixing, than I would have been able to pull off years ago. And still lots to learn!

(By the way, guess what these three have in common? They’re all voiced by Horiuchi Kenyu! Hokushin and Raiden are fairly obvious; the Cloud connection may be a little obscure. Cloud was played by Horiuchi Kenyu in his first-ever-incarnation-with-a-voice, a cameo in the arcade version of the Ehrgeiz fighting game, as I talked about here years ago.)

19. Favorite inanimate objects to draw (food, nature, etc.)

Hmmm… maybe clouds! The nature kind, not the Strife kind, since nature is counting as inanimate. They’re fun and low pressure (haha) to draw, and they can fill up spaces so nicely too! Super versatile, and can help make things look cute, or moody, or epic. Everything can be extra cool with swirling ink clouds! Although thinking about it now, these probably aren’t technically nature clouds either, more like cloud-shaped motifs… so perhaps flowers are a more appropriate answer. But again, I think I love them for similar reasons - forgiving organic forms, feels low pressure to paint or draw, wonderful pattern and environment/mood potential in art.

29. Media you love, but doesn't inspire you artistically

I really wracked my brain on this one, which is partly why it took so long to respond to this ask. I was going to assume or interpret "doesn't inspire you artistically" as meaning "doesn't inspire you to create something in that same medium", because otherwise my answer would be "there is no such media" since inspiration and ideas come from everything and everywhere! But then I realized there's actually another question that seems to address that (#7). And “media” could also be a specific piece of media that is consumed.

And… I’m still really struggling to think of something I love, that I thoroughly enjoy experiencing/consuming, that doesn’t have some kind of influence on how I perceive or think about the world. That to me is all part and parcel of inspiration and thus artistic creation. I suppose that is reflective of my worldview though; I guess it’s what happens with an “everything is empty of self-existence!” perspective! I’ll update this if I do manage to think of anything…

Thank you so much for asking these! So much fun (and also hard!) to think about; good opportunities for self-reflection!

[notgreat-notterrible]

#2. The Trench Run

That’s a Star Wars reference but I’m gonna hit you with a different metaphorical comparison: voiceover performance is a Formula 1 driver throwing his car around a race circuit. Stick with me, it’ll come up again before the end. Team Hamilton.

I look forward to Mondays. I really do. We get to do stuff. The big draw of BCIT was its purported focus on the technical side of the industry. Getting to do yoga on a drizzly Friday morning as a required class is an interesting perk, but for me it’s all about getting behind a mic. It’s the only way I know how to get better: by doing stuff. Recording a voiceover, playing it back, and really hearing if I sound terrible or just okay. In the weeks since the start of our Sound Design course, I’ve been going into the voice recording booth with much more swagger—whether that’s completely unfounded confidence on my part or not—hitting record, and just going for it. I know how I want to sound and it’s up to me to nail it in one or two takes because we’re a little under the gun. We don’t have all day to do this, nor should it take that long.

Enunciation and clarity are one thing—you know if you’ve screwed something up pretty quickly—but intonation and delivery is something you develop an ear for. There’s the artfulness coming in, the musicianship. Anybody can learn to play the right notes, but there’s something to be said about having the feel for it. Expressiveness, style. Think Keith Richards’ choppy, chuggy style of guitarwork contrasted with Mick Taylor’s smooth and bendy (Santana-like) sound in the golden age of the Stones discography, and no, I’m not going to justify that remark.

You can get direction and, conversely, give it to a vocal talent, but I feel like being extremely hands-on is only necessary if the delivery sounds really off. Like if the script clearly calls for a serious, sombre tone and the performer has chosen literally any other way to do it, you got a problem. What I like to do is have the performer run through it as a practice take, recording the entire time, and then pointing out what to keep or change. Right off the bat you can tell if you’re both on the same page or not. Then the rest is up to personal interpretation and not making any flubs. On the other side of the glass, coming in with an idea of how it should sound already in your head goes a long way both in helping you make it through the script without stumbles, and selling your version of the script read. If you don’t sound confident in how a line should sound, you’re going to be reading it the way the guy behind the monitor thinks it should sound. You might like that, or you might hate it. For me, hearing the script read by a few different people before going in there myself is super helpful.

Like a motorsport driver (boom!) waiting to leave the garage and get down the pitlane for an outlap during qualy, I get a preview of difficult sections (tongue twisters, weirdly written phrases) of the track, and I can mentally note what I need to do to get my voice to fit the script in order to pull off the cleanest run—for each corner, the optimal racing line to take and what gear to be in, the best braking point, etc.

If you’re not familiar with Formula 1, no, this is not the racing series where cars go around a circle. They turn right as well as left. Every track is built differently and each and every corner has its own personality. And like a problem to be solved, there is a best solution that a driver needs to figure out in order to enter and exit a turn without losing much time. Not flying over the kerb, or being forced to take a line that makes them slow down to a crawl just to make it through and, as a result, being stuck in a low gear on the exit so that they need to shift up and gain back their speed. Or they do it perfectly, and they’re onto the next. Those precious tenths of a second gained or lost are what decide race winners, being in the points or just outside of them. It’s this process hundreds upon hundreds of times each 305km-long Grand Prix.

Formula 1 is like a chess match. It’s not always thrilling, but it is strategic. That’s what makes the sport so interesting to me. (That and the dramz.) Racecraft is a driver’s precision control of a 1700lb machine at speeds exceeding 360km/h, the tactical decisions they make regarding positioning and playing chicken, and the twitch reflexes needed to pull all of that off. Think if Luke Skywalker didn’t have any talent and immediately flew into a wall during the trench run. And on that note, the first half of Top Gun: Maverick is actually a racing film.

As voice performers, we’re not so much focused on speed (although you gotta get it within those 30 seconds AND save some extra room for sound effects and music) and yeah, I know, you don't have to worry about some maniac trying to run you off the road, but you do have to worry about precision and control. Knowing your voice, and knowing your way through a script is the difference between a good or a bad recording session, and can save you much head-ache when it comes time to edit. Individually, you know all these words. You speak the language, probably. But put together, sentences present their own challenges. Cadence is a whole thing. Pausing just the right amount. Not being surprised by the next sentence that comes out of nowhere and your mouth becoming mumbly, mushy, and tongue-flappy. If you mess up, yeah, you won’t die in a fiery wreck, but you’ll probably feel terrible about yourself. Be better, dude.

Cover photo: "Formula 1™" is licensed under CC BY 2.0

[st-clements-steps]

📢What advice would you give to someone who wanted to beta read?

🎉Are you more of a cheer-reader or a constructive criticism offerer?

♥️What do you like about beta reading?

🚫What don’t you like about beta reading?



📢 beta reading is a really good way to get involved in fandom and just it makes more fic happen I think, so I’d be super enthusiastic (and the poor potential beta reader would be put off). My main advice is beta read for writers/stories you would want to read anyway. And to find that I guess you have to read (and probably comment on ao3) and start talking to writers you like, like on tumblr, find discord servers for writers (@thecitadelblog) or ships etc. All of which is that whole putting yourself out there thing, which can be quite hard. And when you’re reading for someone, be polite, ask questions, shout about the bits you love. And remember you don’t really need copy edit skills, so much as the writer needs someone to talk stuff over with, I think.

🎉 I think I’m a bit of both, I definitely will say the stuff I love, I might just resort to 😭😍😭😍😭😍 since the crying heart eyes emoji is yet to be embraced by the real world, I will question sentences that don’t make sense and sometimes character’s motivations, timeline anomalies etc. I think my strength as a beta reader is asking questions when writers are stuck or unsure, hopefully.

♥️ the connections you make with people, it’s a kinda a fast track to this trusted relationship with someone to read their writing when they’re not entirely sure/happy with it yet. And it gives you all this reason to hang out with characters you love, to talk about things that inspire you (or frustrate you, weirdly it’s my frustration that draws me into asoiaf/GoT)

🚫 I find I rarely have the energy to comment on stories I have beta-ed and I personally get a real buzz out of commenting. Comments are so important on ao3 but it’s difficult to get that balance right when you already know a story so intimately. I feel like I would have to hold back when I’m beta-ing in order to have thoughtful interesting comments to make (and I just don’t have that level of self-control). Anyway not commenting makes me sad sometimes.

O I come across so serious and pretentious answering these, I’m really tired, let’s blame that. Thanks for the ask, I’d love to know how you feel about beta reading?

[lavender-rroses]

one of my favorite parts of the shadow dub