#they’re the one that made me want to watch mash lol

[grakkul]

I’ve been listening to like 7 different video essays at work each day and I feel insane, wowow cinema

I’m also too close to reading Star Wars fanfic for someone who has only seen like 2 movies on middle school field trips. This can’t be it, I can’t betray my bestest friend and Ben obi wan like that for an andor and a rouge one video essay to do me in.

I have not gotten sick of them at all and I fear I require new ones each coming day

I am becoming more powerful

[moonstruckme]

hi there!! i have a request for youuuu

could you maybe do spencer x bau!reader where the reader is a year clean from self-injury and they have like a little get together with the whole team for it (the original crew, season 2) and everything is happy and okay lol

THANK YOU SM!! i am in need of comfort

Hi lovely! Slight betrayal of the prompt because it's been forever since I watched the show with Gideon instead of Rossi, so I hope that's alright. Thank you for requesting honey, I really hope you're doing well <3

cw: implied past self-harm

Spencer Reid x bau!reader ♡ 1k words

These cooking classes at Rossi’s are becoming a semi-regular event. He always claims it's because every one of you could seriously use the help, but he doesn’t really bother selling the lie to your team of profilers. You all just want to spend time together, and he’s nice enough to host. 

“You’re way too excited.” Amusement livens Spencer’s tone as you practically skip up the steps of Rossi’s too-large house. 

“You’re just jealous,” you say, “that last time Rossi called me his star student and said your gnocchi was as good as mashed potatoes.” 

“They’re not really very different from mashed potatoes,” Spencer mutters, but his hand is fond on the small of your back as he reaches past you to ring the doorbell. 

JJ is the one who comes to the door. “Hi!” She pulls you in for a hug, giving your shoulder blades a happy squeeze. 

“Hi,” you say back, slightly bemused. JJ is a hugger, but usually only on special occasions. You saw her just yesterday. 

Spencer rubs a gentle back-and-forth just below your waist at your confusion, encouraging you through the door. “Hi,” he says. “Did you guys start already? It smells like garlic.” 

“Rossi pre-made garlic knots.” JJ rolls her eyes, leading the way to the kitchen. “He said he didn’t want to give us the chance to botch it.” 

You laugh. “Course he did. At least we won’t all be salivating and trying to eat ingredients this time.” 

“See, she knows exactly what I mean,” Rossi gestures to you as you enter the kitchen. “That’s why you’re my star pupil.” 

You blush at the rare praise, and Prentiss and Morgan both stand. 

“Hey, gorgeous,” Morgan pulls you away from Spencer and into a one-armed hug. You pat him awkwardly on the back. “Glad you came.” 

“Of course I came,” you laugh as Prentiss comes over with a glass of wine. “Thanks, Em.” 

“Cheers.” She clinks the rim of her glass against yours, oddly smiley. You shoot Spencer a look which he very conveniently misses, and suspicion twitches to life in your head. 

“Cheers,” you echo. “So, what’re we making?”

“Lasagna,” Morgan says. “But according to Rossi, it’s extra Italian.” 

“It’s lasagne al forno,” Rossi corrects him, pinching his fingers and bopping his hand up and down with each syllable, and you have to suppress a smile at how completely unironic the gesture is. 

“It’s beef lasagna,” Prentiss simplifies, ignoring the look of offense the old man shoots her way as Garcia comes in the door.

“Hello, hello!” She beelines for you, wrapping you in a tight, warm hug. “Ugh, I’m so proud of you! How are you doing?” 

“I’m good,” you tell her, more and more confident you know what’s going on. “How are you?” 

“I’m amazing.” Garcia releases you but not really, taking one of your hands in both of hers and squeezing. Her eyes are downright twinkly with cheer. “Positively sublime, my friend. Ready to do some cooking!” 

“Same here.” You smile, squeezing back. “I’m just going to go wash my hands really quickly.” 

You don’t have to look behind you to know Spencer is trailing you. He’s hardly left you alone all day, relentless in his doting. You’d thought he was just in one of his more affectionate moods, but now it’s clear why. 

For a few moments, the only sound in the bathroom is the smooth sound of water running out of the faucet. Spencer brushes past you to get to the soap, and you push your long sleeves up so they won’t get wet. “You know what today is?” you ask him.

You can feel him looking at you in the mirror, but you keep your eyes on your hands as you lather soap between your palms. 

“Of course I do,” he says softly. 

“Does everybody know?” 

Spencer rinses his hands, drying them on the towel. “I think so. I didn’t tell them, but I’m sure they remembered the same as I did.” His hand finds the crook of your elbow, thumb damp where it slides over a fine white line just under the edge of your sleeve. The contact isn’t anything special; it’s gentle like all Spencer’s touches, an offhand brush of his skin against yours like there’s nothing wrong with you at all. Your throat clogs unfairly. “It’s an important thing, you know?” 

“For me it is.” Your voice is smaller than you’d like it to be. You stick your hands under the faucet, relishing the feel of the hot water. “I didn’t expect anyone else to remember, though. It’s kind of…I mean, it’s just a year of doing nothing.” 

“It’s not.” Spencer’s palm slides up the length of your arm to your shoulder blade. He rubs between them, quiet until you meet his eyes in the mirror. “It’s not,” he repeats, gently emphatic. “It’s a year of not doing something, and I know it hasn’t been easy for you. It’s an accomplishment, honey. You should get to celebrate.” 

“Wait.” You narrow your eyes, a new suspicion taking root. “Is this…are we here tonight because…” You feel silly for even asking, and your gaze drops back to your hands as you dry them on the towel. “Because of my thing?” 

Spencer shrugs, borderline sheepish. “I mean, not exactly. We did all want to be with you tonight, but everyone knew you wouldn’t want a party or anything. So it’s more…more of an excuse, really.” 

You sigh, turning and resting your head on Spencer’s chest. “How am I supposed to react to that?” you ask him, voice fragile. 

His hand comes to rest on the top of your head, a grounding weight as the other continues rubbing diligently between your shoulders. “You don’t have to,” he says. “You’re allowed to feel any way you need to, everybody knows that. They all just want you to know they’re proud of you.” He slides the hand on your head down to cup your face, working your face away from his chest to look you in the eyes. His smile is small but brimming with an affection too big for words. “You’ve been doing really great, you know that?” 

You laugh a little, pressing your knuckles under your eyes to dry your lashes of tears that never fell. “Thanks, Spence. For everything.” 

“Hey, you did all the work,” he tells you, hand finding its spot on your back again as you lead the way out of the bathroom. “We’re just happy you did it.”

[sansaorgana]

📻 PLAYLIST — LEADER OF THE PACK

TRACK 1. — HE'S A GOOD GUY (YES, HE IS) BY THE MARVELETTES ⏮ ⏸ ⏭

PAIRING — Benny Cross x fem!Reader

SUMMARY — On the first day of high school you meet a new friend. Your parents say he's from the wrong side of the tracks but you can't be convinced as you develop a crush on him, not knowing yet that it is only the beginning of a much bigger adventure you are going to have with Benny Cross in the next few years.

AUTHOR’S NOTE — The gif is NOT a faceclaim – the Reader's looks are not described. I just wanted the vibe of a retro high school and it's not even the correct era lol I have no idea yet how many parts this story will be but I missed writing for Austin's characters and I wanted to finally write down the idea I've had for a while now. Also, this time I decided to lowkey use the playlist format since this sort of music is one of my favourite genres (old r&b, soul, doo wop etc.) 🥰 Of course you don't have to actually listen to those songs! 😅

WARNINGS — era accurate sexism and mindset of characters (I assumed it would be like late 1950s / early 1960s and they are from a small town), Reader and Benny are minors in this part (they are not even a couple, though)

WORD COUNT — 5,470

ENGLISH IS MY SECOND LANGUAGE.

LEADER OF THE PACK (TRACK 1.)

“Have you made any new friends at school?” Your mother asked with a smile when you were chewing on a steak with mashed potatoes. You nearly sighed at her question, trying very hard not to roll your eyes. Why were parents always asking that?

Well, to be fair, you had never had many friends.

There was Rachel whom you had known ever since you two had been toddlers. Rachel was definitely your best friend. Back in the day there had also been Tammy. There had always been the three of you everywhere but for about a year now Tammy had been acting differently. Ever since she had started dating, that is. Her boyfriend Louis was in the football team and he wasn’t even saying hi to you or Rachel. 

“I don’t know if it counts as making a friend but…” you started, nervously fidgeting with the fork in your hand. The person you were about to mention was a boy and you were scared of everyone’s reactions.

Your mother would tease, probably. Father and older brother would begin their interrogation as if it was anything serious.

“Miss Cooper sat me with this one boy,” you finally revealed and you watched your father lowering the newspaper he had been hiding behind until now. He raised an eyebrow at you after exchanging a meaningful look with your older brother Luke.

“Why did she tell you to sit with a boy?” Your mother smiled.

“What boy?” Your father asked, harshly.

“I’m supposed to help him in class. He’s nice but not the brightest, if you get me,” you tried to explain. “He’s not stupid – just slow when it comes to studying,” you quickly added.

“So he’s stupid,” Luke rolled his eyes.

“No!” You defended your new friend immediately.

“Who is he?” Your father repeated the question, irritated already that you had ignored him the first time and that you were fighting with your brother. Women in that household were supposed to be quiet and obedient.

He hadn’t survived the war for his own daughter to act like a brat – that was what your father was often saying. He was using the war to guilt trip you, your mother and Luke whenever he thought it was needed. 

“His name is Benny,” you nodded at your father. “Benjamin Cross,” you added.

Your parents looked at each other with a quiet sigh.

“What is it?” You asked and looked at your brother questioningly but he seemed to be as oblivious as you were why your parents reacted that way.

“I’m sure he is a nice boy…” your mother started softly, “but he is not from a good family.”

“They’re from the wrong side of the tracks,” your father explained. “Doesn’t surprise me that the boy is slow. I’ve never seen his father sober. I think he’s lost every job he has ever had.”

“And his mother?” Luke asked, curious already. One thing about your brother was that he was extremely nosy and an awful gossip.

“What about his mother? I haven’t seen her in ages,” your father looked at your mother.

“I do believe that Mrs. Cross passed away some time ago,” your mother hummed to herself. “Yes! I remember now,” she nodded eagerly. “She died two years ago. Evie told me about it last winter when we were Christmas shopping.”

“What Evie?” Your father asked.

“You know Evie! The one living down the road. Jack’s wife, that accountant.”

“Ah, yeah, yeah, Jack’s wife,” your father picked up the newspaper again. “Either way, Benny Cross is not your new friend,” he decided as he gave you a stern look. You felt your cheeks heating up. “He’s just a boy that Miss Cooper sat you with to help him. That’s it,” he finished and hid himself behind the newspaper again.

“And if he ever bothers you, just tell me!” Luke pointed his finger at you and you nodded nervously, going back to your meal.

Even though your father had decided that Benny Cross was not your friend, it was difficult to remember about that. Perhaps his grades were not good and his clothes were poor but who ever cared about such things? What mattered was that he knew how to make you laugh even though most of the time he was a quiet guy.

In fact, he was making you laugh so much that Miss Cooper angrily separated you two after three weeks of sitting together. She gave you a scolding look and said those words that would make your blood run cold under any other circumstances:

“I am so disappointed in you, (Y/N).”

But now you didn’t really care. You were just angry that she separated you from Benny. You introduced him to Rachel during lunch break but Rachel was not convinced.

“I don’t mind him. And you know that I couldn’t care less about his family!” She gasped when you accused her of being prejudiced. “It’s just… I think he might have a bad influence on you. On the both of us. We shouldn’t hang out with him for too long. But it’s very noble that you want to help him with his grades,” she assured you quickly when she spotted annoyance on your face.

“Why noble?” You asked her. “I didn’t even think of that. I just want to help my friend,” you explained.

“Oh, admit it!” Rachel giggled. “You fancy him.”

“What?!” Your eyes widened and you stopped walking, adjusting the books in your hand. Rachel chuckled and stopped as well, turning around to face you.

“Oh, (Y/N), come on, I have eyes, too. He’s handsome with those baby blue eyes and golden hair. And I’m sure you haven’t missed those muscles under his shirt. If it’s true what they say about his family, I am convinced he is used to physical work,” she covered her mouth to hide another giggle escaping her lips.

Truth to be told, you had never seen Benny Cross as a potential romantic interest… until now. You swallowed thickly at Rachel’s words, realising they were all true – he was a handsome boy with a devilish smile.

“Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone,” Rachel assured you. “But please, don’t become another Tammy and don’t leave me behind just because you have a crush!”

“I won’t!” You promised her with widened eyes and you grabbed her by her wrist to squeeze it. “I promise.”

Ever since that conversation with Rachel, you began to treat Benny a little differently. When he was making you laugh, you were trying to make your laughter sound more girly as you would throw your head back and fix your hair in a feminine manner. Instead of making silly faces at him, you started to cover your face with your hand to show him how flustered you were becoming. And for the very first time you didn’t spend your pocket money on a new record or a book – no, you spent it on a new pastel pink ribbon for your hair even though you knew that Benny would teasingly pull on it at school.

His hands were often dirty so whenever he pulled on it, he was leaving a small mark on the soft fabric of the ribbon. If it was any other boy, you would get frustrated and angry but you would never get angry at Benny – in fact, you were laying on the bed in the evenings, listening to your dreamy records and brushing the ribbon with your fingertips, tracing the marks left behind by Benny’s dirty fingers.

You never minded the dirty hands – they only meant he was working hard. He revealed to you that he had to do a lot of jobs after school to help his father to earn enough money to get through the month. In the end, instead of getting a thanks, he would often get a beating from his drunk old man. He was never talking kindly about him and you couldn’t blame Benny for that. There was a lot of hatred in your new friend whenever he mentioned his father and those were the moments when you were quite scared but also intrigued – when his pretty eyes filled with sparkles and hatred. He would quickly soften again, though.

It was obvious, though, that he had no time to study after school or do his homework. You were trying to help him but he was too ashamed to invite you over to his place and you were scared of taking you home because your father would not be happy about it. You never said anything about it but it was as if Benny knew anyway – he never proposed to go to your place after school. So, the only time you had to help him study was during the lunch break.

Rachel was sometimes sitting with you two but she was not happy about it. She had you all for herself after school, though, so she was trying to be understanding. When it came to Benny’s friends… Well, he didn’t have them.

Benny was too strong and too mean looking to be pushed around so the kids just left him alone and let him be. However, the boys from the football team – Tammy’s boyfriend included – were often making comments about Benny being stupid, poor or weird. You were always telling him not to listen and he was shrugging his arms, but it was hard to believe that he truly didn’t care about such things. They always had an impact on a person, especially so young.

The school in your small Illinois town was not big so your brother Luke was quickly told that you spend most of your lunch breaks sitting by the same table in the corner of the cafeteria with Benny Cross.

“I would like to ask (Y/N) about something,” he said during dinner on that day and everyone looked at you. You froze, already expecting the worst. You loved your brother because he was your family but you didn’t like him – too often he was trying to act like your father.

“What is it?” Your mother asked, worryingly.

“I was told that Miss Cooper separated (Y/N) and that Cross boy a few weeks ago because they were loud in class. Yet, I still see them spending lunch breaks together,” he revealed and your heart skipped a beat.

“You were loud in class?!” Your father snapped and you swallowed a lump in your throat as your hands began to shake.

“I… I am sorry…” You looked down.

“Don’t be angry at her! I am sure it was that boy’s fault!” Your mother defended you.

“Perhaps. Why does she still spend time with him then?” Your father observed you intensely.

“I… I want to help him,” you explained quietly. “I help him to study, that’s it. He is nice to me and it’s not like he’s stupid, he really is not!” You exclaimed after spotting Luke snorting at your words. “But he doesn’t have time to study after school.”

“Well, that is so noble of you, darling,” your mother caressed your arm but you flinched a little at the word that she used – noble. “We should be glad that our daughter is so helpful and compassionate,” she laid her eyes on your father.

“Being around that boy means trouble,” your father shook his head. “I cannot punish you for having a good heart,” he sighed. “Women tend to be too weak. That is why you have fathers and husbands to show you the right path.”

“And brothers,” Luke nodded but your father did not comment on that.

“I don’t want you to start getting worse grades because you put too much effort into helping somebody else,” your father pointed his finger at you.

“But daddy! I learn as well when I help Benny to study!” You protested.

“While you are repeating the basics with him, you could already study more advanced subjects yourself. Aren’t you always saying that you want to go to college one day?” He furrowed his brows and you shut your mouth. The college argument was always making you feel guilty, too. It was almost as bad as the war one. “I am not saving my hard-earned money for you to go to college only to find out you are wasting your time on a deadbeat Cross boy!”

“He is a lost cause, sweetheart, you must realise that,” your mother was much more gentle when she caressed your cheek but the meaning of her words was the same after all. “I know it’s sad but the truth is he is going to end up like his father and we cannot do anything to stop it. It’s a waste of time to try.”

“Enough,” your father raised his hand. “I don’t want to talk about that boy ever again.”

And just like that the rest of the meal went quietly with your mother occasionally trying to cheer your father up by bringing up some random facts from her boring day full of shopping, cooking and cleaning. 

After dinner, you stayed in the kitchen to help her clean the table and wash the dishes while your father and Luke were free to go and spend that time on whatever they wished.

You were drying the plates with a cloth, biting on your lower lip and waiting for the right time to start a private conversation with your mother.

“He’s nice to me, mommy,” you finally whispered.

“Hm?” She turned her head around to meet your gaze.

“Benny Cross. He is nice to me and he makes me laugh,” you tried to explain in the simplest way possible. “He is my friend now. I can’t just… I can’t just stop hanging around with him. He doesn’t have anyone.”

“He surely has some friends,” your mother furrowed her brows.

“Not at school, no. He mentioned some guys from his street but they don’t go to school anymore,” you explained.

“They’re older?”

“Not much. They just… They dropped out or got expelled,” you lowered your voice and your mother sighed, extending her hand to give you another plate to dry. “Mom! I know what it sounds like but I don’t think he’s a lost cause. I think a push into the right direction could save his life,” you were desperate to make her understand. “We cannot claim that we are good people when we turn our backs on those in need.”

You felt bad for referring to Benny as someone in need and you were sure that his pride would be bruised but you also were aware that it was the only argument that could convince your mother – she wanted to be a good person above anything else. She wanted to be known for her kindness and her nice family as if the whole meaning of her life revolved only around how others perceived her. She wanted to always be soft and feminine – just like your father wanted her to be. And she wanted the exact same from you but you had ambitions that both scared and impressed her. Like the fact you wanted to go to college or you had the courage to stand up for yourself and argue with your father sometimes.

“If it doesn’t interfere with your own studying then I don’t see a reason why you can’t help him,” she sighed as she nodded in a whisper. “However, I don’t think your father should know about it. I’ll try to talk to Luke and make him understand so he doesn’t snitch on you again,” she assured you and your eyes brightened.

“Thank you!” You squealed happily and leaned in to kiss her cheek. “Mom?”

“Yes, darling?”

“Can I invite Benny here after school one day? Maybe on Friday? We don’t have many classes so we’d have a few hours before daddy comes back from work and Luke has his baseball practice at that time,” you tried to give her as many reasons as possible for her to agree.

“I don’t know, (Y/N)... I’m not sure if it’s a good idea,” your mother shook her head and went back to washing the dishes. You sighed and didn’t say anything else but you could see that she was intensely thinking about something. “On the other hand…” she started, “...your father is going out with his friends from work for dinner this Friday. He won’t be back until late in the evening.”

“So you agree?” Your eyes widened. “Oh, mom, you would meet him and I’m sure you’re going to see what I see… That he’s a nice boy!”

“Alright… But don’t make me regret that,” she gave you a scolding – but still soft – look.

Benny was trying to play it cool because he always tried to come off as unbothered by anything but you could see that he was nervous. He had one class less than you on that day but he promised to wait for you behind the school building and when you ran up to him with books in your hand, you spotted him throwing a cigarette on the ground before stepping on it with his shoe to put it out.

“Benny!” You gasped at the sight. You had no idea he was smoking. “My mom won’t like it when she smells the cigarette smoke on you!” You pointed out.

“She’ll think it’s my old man’s,” Benny only shrugged his arms and took the books from you to carry them for you. That sweet gesture made you forget in an instant about his awful habit you had just found out about.

You walked down the street to your house and you caught yourself struggling with a very odd mix of feelings – you felt proud walking down the street next to Benny Cross who was holding your books. His jeans were worn out, his blond hair ruffled and his steps heavy – no other boy around here looked or walked like him. And because of that… You felt a little ashamed, too. Just a little. And only because some of your neighbours were looking you up and down after you said good afternoon to them. You just hated the way they were staring.

Lost in such thoughts, you spotted that Benny was looking around uncomfortably. He was watching the houses and the perfectly trimmed lawns, the white picket fences and flowers planted in the gardens.

“Does it look different where you live?” You asked, naively. It was hard to imagine that not every neighbourhood where people lived didn’t look the same.

“You’ve never been there, have you?” Was all Benny asked as he cracked a sad smile with a hint of pity.

“N-no,” you admitted and shook your head, embarrassed of yourself.

“That’s alright, doll. I’m glad you haven’t and I hope you never will,” he nodded firmly.

“It’s here!” Thankfully, you had a reason to change the subject because Benny had nearly walked past your house. You grabbed him by his sleeve and pulled him towards your front door.

You pushed them open and walked inside as he began to fix his hair with his free hand and his face turned a shade paler.

“Mom, we’re home!” You announced and took your shoes off. Benny mirrored you and took his off as well but he seemed to be pretty surprised that it was your custom.

Your mother entered the hallway from the kitchen, wiping her hands in the apron. Her smile was cautious and soft as if she was approaching a wild, stray kitten abandoned by the road.

“Good afternoon, Mrs. (Y/L/N),” Benny straightened his back at the sight of her.

“Good afternoon, Benny. (Y/N)’s been talking a lot about you,” she hesitated but eventually extended her hand towards him and you hissed at her because you didn’t want her to mention such things that you were talking about him and all that. It was embarrassing.

“Mom!” You whined as Benny looked around, trying to find a spot where to put the books he had been carrying for you all the way home. You took them from him with an encouraging smile and he nodded at you before shaking your mom’s hand.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, ma’am,” Benny said.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, too, Benny. (Y/N) mentioned to me you are going to study, yes? Go to her room now and I’ll call you for dinner when the time comes,” your mother announced and your heart skipped a beat. You had no idea Benny could actually stay for the meal.

“Um… Benny, go upstairs,” you handed him the books again. “My room is on the left,” you added. “Wait for me there,” you said and he nodded.

You followed your mother to the kitchen.

“What is it?” She asked you. “I thought you’d be happy that I invited him.”

“I am! But what about Luke?” You squinted your eyes. You knew that your brother would not approve of that.

“He informed me this morning that he is taking Patsy on a date after practice. He won’t be home until evening,” your mother informed you.

“Patsy?” You chuckled. She was two years older than you – just like your brother. And she was everybody’s dream, so you were told. Beautiful, from a good family, obedient, with good grades. A perfect woman and a wife material.

Something you were scared you would never be.

“Yes, Patsy. I am so happy for him,” your mother grinned widely and you smiled, too, although you didn’t care about your brother enough to be happy for him. In fact, you gritted your teeth that everything in his life seemed to go so perfectly as always. Your father’s golden boy.

Would your life be similar if you had been born a man, too?

Either way, you hugged your mom and ran upstairs to join Benny inside your room. He was standing in the middle of it and looking around in a way that made your cheeks heat up. It was a typical girly room like millions of others but now you somehow felt embarrassed about it.

“It’s a bit childish,” you admitted.

“No, it’s very pretty,” Benny shrugged his arms and blushed when his eyes met yours. “I think it suits you,” he admitted and remained standing there awkwardly.

“Thank you,” You sat on the chair by the desk where he had put your books already and you pointed at your bed to let him know that he could sit on the edge of it. He did that but very carefully as if he was scared of making your sheets dirty.

You gathered the books and moved up to sit next to him so there would be no more distance between you two. You started with doing your homeworks together and you quickly realised your father might have been right about something – Benny would be a distraction. You couldn’t stop staring at his face. At his plump lips that made you think of nothing but kissing, at his beautiful, long eyelashes that were dark even though his hair was golden. Speaking of his hair – it was so fluffy and had different shades  of blond depending on the layers. You were counting all the moles on his cheeks and getting lost in his ocean blue eyes. Whenever your hands brushed each other while trying to turn the page at the same time, you couldn’t help but notice his big hands with long, thin fingers. Those were very pretty hands even though they were rough from all the physical work he was usually doing after school.

He was helping people for money – mowing the lawns, fixing sinks, carrying heavy things, all kinds of stuff. But what he enjoyed the most was fixing cars and motorbikes. He had revealed that to you recently and you thought it was adorable that he had a passion and it could actually be turned into a solid job later in life.

The longer you were explaining things to him, the faster he was understanding them. You were pretty convinced by now that he was not stupid at all.

“Benny?” You batted your eyelashes and he turned his head around to look deep into your eyes.

“Yeah?”

“Can you promise me something?” You dared to ask.

“What is it, doll?” He smirked. He would often call you a doll and perhaps you should have been offended by it but in fact it was causing you to have butterflies in your stomach.

“Promise me that you’re gonna finish high school, alright?” You furrowed your brows.

Benny was visibly surprised by your words. He didn’t get to answer, though, because the door opened widely without knocking and your mother walked inside. You and Benny moved away from each other slightly.

“The dinner is ready,” she announced with a smile. She seemed to be pretty happy with the sight of the open books and notebooks scattered everywhere. You nodded at her and you stood up to follow her downstairs. Benny walked behind you. “How was the studying?” Your mother asked when you were sitting by the table.

“It is going well, ma’am. Your daughter should become a teacher,” Benny smiled at her.

“She might! (Y/N) wants to go to college, has she told you?” Your mother asked him while putting salad and chicken onto his plate. “Will it be enough for you, Benny? Such a strong boy like you must eat a lot,” she chuckled before turning around to put the food on your plate as well.

“It is enough, ma’am. It looks delicious, thank you. I can’t remember when was the last time I had vegetables for dinner,” Benny chuckled nervously while you and your mother exchanged meaningful looks. You both were sorry for him.

“Well, you can eat as much of this salad as you wish. My husband and son are not dining with us this evening,” your mother explained softly before taking her seat and you all began to eat.

“Thank you,” Benny blushed.

The rest of the meal went pretty calm since Benny was a quiet boy most of the time. In fact, it made you feel special that he liked to make you laugh because he was not very fun with others around. He was an outsider towards most but you probably had made him like you because you had treated him kindly and you had tried to help him from the very beginning. You hadn’t judged him and you hadn’t made it feel like an act of charity.

Despite being of a quiet nature, Benny was answering your mother’s questions politely and, oh dear, she asked a lot. Lots of her questions were about Benny’s family and you just knew that she was itching to ask about how Benny's mother had died but thankfully she didn’t actually ask that.

She was in the middle of telling a funny story when all of you froze at the sound of the front door opening. You and your mother looked at each other, scared, and that was when Luke entered the dining room and winced at the sight of Benny.

You sighed with relief at the sight of him because your father would be a much worse possibility but it still did not mean that it was alright. You were nervous and so was your mother. She decided to play it cool.

“Oh, hi, honey!” She greeted her son. “How was the practice? How was your date with Patsy?” She tried to sound cheerful.

“Both went fine,” Luke answered with a clenched jaw as he looked Benny up and down. “What is (Y/N)’s… friend doing here?” He asked rudely and your mother gave him a scolding look.

“Well, that is not a nice way to greet a guest, is it? (Y/N) invited Benny to help him with homework and I wanted him to stay for the meal,” your mother explained.

Luke approached Benny with an extended hand as you watched the interaction with fear. You knew that for men it was some sort of a game of dominance. Benny hesitated for a very long and tense moment, staring at your brother’s hand with contempt. Finally, he stood up and shook it back. You could see his knuckles turning white from the strength he was using to show off how firm his hold could be.

“Nice to meet you,” Luke gave him a fake smile.

“Nice to meet you, too,” Benny nodded and sat back on his chair. “You been on a date with Patsy Carter?” He asked.

“Yes. Do you know her?” If Luke’s eyes could kill, Benny would be dead now.

“Nah, never spoke to ‘er but you know, it’s hard not to know who she is,” Benny winked at him playfully as you chewed on the inside of your cheek. You couldn’t understand why Benny wanted to provoke your brother so much. The situation was bad enough already.

“Are you insinuating something, Cross?” Luke’s fists clenched.

“Lucas!” Your mother tried to calm him down.

“Just sayin’ she’s a nice piece,” Benny commented and you looked away, trying to hide your anger.

You couldn’t believe that Benny said such a disrespectful thing about another girl – a girl your brother dated – in front of your own mother. It made you feel like a fool to ever defend him in front of your family. Perhaps they had been right – he was from the bad side of town and his ways were too different to try to change them.

“Don’t test me, kid,” Luke drawled out. Thankfully, that was all he said before walking out of the room. Your mother looked at you, panicked, before standing up and following her son to talk to him.

“Why have you done that?” You asked, sniffling your tears back when you eventually turned your head around to meet Benny’s gaze. He seemed to be confused why you reacted this way. “You have no idea for how long I have been defending you and…”

“Oh, thank you, doll,” he interrupted you and his voice was full of irony. “The tramp you defended turns out to be a bum? How shocking,” he commented and you spotted that awful sparkle in his eye that would often show up whenever he spoke of his father. But why was his anger aimed at you now?

“I didn’t mean to offend you…” your voice began to shake. “I just thought we were friends. You were nice to me.”

Benny sighed. He tilted his head as he examined your face and you just knew that he was thinking of you as naive.

“‘m sorry,” Benny mumbled out. “Didn’t want to make you sad. I just don’t like bein’ treated like your big brother treated me,” he explained.

“I know,” you calmed down immediately. “I’m sorry about him, too,” you assured him and glanced at the clock on the wall. “My daddy’s going to be home soon. I think it’s time for you to go now,” you told him and you were scared he would get angry again at that but he understood. Benny nodded and left the table. You followed him to walk him out.

“Tell your ma that the food was great, ‘kay? And apologise to her from me,” he asked while putting his shoes back on.

“Yeah, sure, Benny,” you nodded and hugged your own self. You didn’t want to say goodbye yet. “See you tomorrow at school.”

“See you,” Benny winked at you and squeezed your arm. “You’re a nice girl, doll. Thanks for everythin’,” he added before going out and those few words were enough to make your heart swell in your chest.

You watched him walk away with his hands inside the pockets of his jeans. You were sure he would go back to his place on foot while whistling some song he had heard on the radio earlier. That was his way.

When you went back to the dining room, your mother was already cleaning the plates.

“Benny’s just left. He wanted me to tell you that the food was great and he wanted to apologise for–” you started.

“Save it,” she interrupted you and looked up to meet your gaze. She was angry and you were taken aback by that. “It was the last time this boy was here, do you hear me?” She asked, harshly, but she gave you no time to answer. “I managed to beg Lucas to keep it a secret but he is not happy about it and I can’t blame him.”

“But mom, I am sure you could see that Benny is a nice boy. He only was rude when Lucas acted like a–”

“I said, save it,” your mother snapped and you shut your mouth immediately. “Help me with the dishes now, will you? Let’s not talk about it anymore.”

MASTERLIST

[calzone-d]

Reconnected (Ted Lasso x Fem!Reader)

pairing: Ted Lasso x Fem!reader, Mom!reader

word count: 2.4k

warnings: mild sickness

summary: After Ted and your daughter recover from being sick, they’re both ecstatic to see you again. 

a/n: some fluff for you guys! school starts back next week for me, and for some reason I tend to write a bit more during school, it helps me relax and unwind a bit lol. send in any requests you have! love you guys!

Masterlist

----------------------

When you and Henry entered the house, it was eerily quiet. You can't say it was unexpected, though. Ted and your eleven month-old baby girl had sort of confined themselves to your master bedroom since they both fell ill a couple days ago. 

Since then, you had taken over dropping off and picking up Henry from school, and the two of you would cook dinner together before watching your favorite movies on the couch. While Ted had set up your baby’s pack-and-play beside your bed, you slept in the guest bedroom to avoid the unnecessary spread of germs. Both Ted and Charlotte had developed fevers, so you’d both decided it would be best to keep your distance until their fevers broke and they were no longer contagious. They weren’t extremely sick, but just enough to feel pretty uncomfortable. It was Charlotte’s first time being sick, so she wasn’t handling it well, but Ted was enjoying the extra time he got to spend with you daughter. 

For most of the day, they had the house to themselves while you were at work and Henry was at school. You couldn’t deny loving all of the cute videos and pictures Ted was sending you, either. He was truly such a wonderful father, and you were both over the moon when Charlotte made her arrival almost a year ago. Ted made sure to follow a strict schedule for her medication to ensure she didn’t have to feel uncomfortable for too long. The pair would eat lunch together, Ted being sure to cook meals that could be easily mashed or pureed for baby girl to enjoy with him. He’d spend hours talking to her, and they’d alternate between watching one of his favorite movies and a couple episodes of her current favorite show. While Ted wasn’t napping with her, and the fatigue from his cold wasn’t too bad, he’d pick up around the house and help prep an easy dinner you and Henry could cook when you came home.  

Each night, he would facetime you and Henry from across the house because Henry refused to go to bed without telling his little sister goodnight. Their shared laughter and babbles made your heart soar. Sleeping in a Ted-less bed felt foreign, and you were glad that tonight you could finally sleep together again without having to worry about getting sick yourself. It had also been way too long since you’d held your baby girl, and it was beginning to make you both grow antsy. Throughout the day, Ted had slowly moved her things back into her room, and had picked up the clutter that had accumulated in your bedroom over the past few days. 

Henry only had a half-day at school today, so he had asked to spend the afternoon with Phoebe at Roy and Keeley’s. On the drive over, he insisted on calling Ted so he could tell you both about his day at school. 

“Dad, Mrs. Adams let us draw on her whiteboard in class today!”

“Wow, buddy! Did’ya draw somethin’ cool?”

“I drew a picture of a soccer field! It looked so cool dad, just like the one at your work!”

Before Ted could reply, Charlotte began loudly babbling over the phone.

“Is that Charlie? Mom, can I turn it to facetime? I want to say hi!”

You affectionately giggled at Henry before telling him how to swap the call over, “You’ve got about five minutes, Hen, we’re almost there.”

Charlotte grew fussy at the sound of your voice over the phone, clearly the time spent apart from you had begun to take its toll on her. She was a major daddy’s girl, and absolutely adored Ted, but it had been too long since she’d gotten to snuggle up to you. The sound of Henry’s voice quickly re-directed her attention, and within seconds she was laughing at her older brother. Her gummy smile had swept you all off your feet. 

The four of you exchanged a quick goodbye as you pulled up to Roy and Keeley’s. Henry gave you a quick hug before sprinting inside, likely looking to play on Roy’s new playstation. 

“Have any new pictures of little miss Charlotte?”, Keeley always went crazy for new pictures of her goddaughter. The two of you stood over your phone, cooing while you swiped through the pictures Ted had sent during their mini quarantine together. 

“Fuck’s sake, he really is such a good dad, isn’t he?”

A proud smile easily found its way to your lips, “The absolute best. We’re all lucky to have Ted. I love him so much.”

Roy let out a light grunt as you and Keeley got sappy, but you could see the ghost of a smile on his lips. 

“Okay, okay. It’s been almost a week since I’ve seen those two, so I’m going to head back home. Henry mentioned spending the night yesterday?”

Roy gave you a single nod, “Yeah, the two knuckleheads want to go see some movie in the morning, so we figured we’d take them.”

“Yeah, babes. We can drop Hen off after the movie, go home to your man!”, Keeley encouraged with a wink. Her wink made you blush as you laughed.

“All right guys, thanks again. Call if you need anything, love you both!”

—------

When you walked through the door, you heard the familiar sounds of Bluey on the TV. Ted must have not heard you, because he continued speaking in his very over-exaggerated australian voice to Charlotte.

To her, this was the funniest thing ever. She let out the cutest laughs and squeals at Ted’s antics. Where she sat on the floor, she had discovered smacking her hands on the carpet would encourage Ted to entertain her more, and the two had a very cute system going. 

“Hello, my loves!”, your voice echoed through the house as you sat your purse down. Charlotte had turned in your direction and was babbling baby nonsense as she began crawling towards you. She could stand when holding herself against a sturdy object but wasn’t quite taking steps yet. Nonetheless, she was a quick crawler, and continued her babbling until you crouched down to pick her up.

Ted watched in awe as you picked up your daughter and sat her on your hip. The vision of you both looking at each other, facial features mirroring each other’s, was enough to make him want to cry. You’d given him a lifetime of love, and the family you’d built together only heightened that feeling. As if the feeling of you loving him for all of his feats wasn’t enough, the way you mothered his children felt like it was the only thing he’d been searching for his entire life. 

Charlotte’s hands reached up to palm at your cheeks as you brought your nose down to brush against hers. Sure, you shared some facial features, but her button nose was a replica of Ted’s. 

“Hi baby girl,” you giggled at her eagerness to see you. 

“Mama, mamama”, she babbled. 

“Good job, baby!”, you bounced her against your hip as you walked over to join Ted on the couch. 

“Can you say dada? Dada?”, you spoke slowly and clearly, an approach that seemed to be working as she slowly built her vocabulary. 

She looked over at Ted with curious eyes, “Da?”

Ted’s eyes lit up at the recognition from his daughter and shuffled close to you both when you sat down on the couch.

“That’s me, sweet pea!”, he leaned forward to press a kiss against her chubby cheek, before pressing one to yours.

“Hi darlin’, we sure missed you an awful lot.”

Before he completely pulled away, you leaned in and planted a warm kiss on his lips. Even though it was only a few days, it felt like it had been years since you felt his lips against yours. As you shared a kiss, Charlotte bounced with her legs in your arms and squealed. You shared a laugh as you pulled away. 

“Da!”, she continued to bounce her legs. 

Ted smoothed a hand over her wispy curls. His hand looked like a giant’s against Charlotte’s small head. 

“Good job, honey!-”

“Da! Dadadada!” 

Ted leaned down to be eye level with her where she sat in your arms, “You gonna keep sayin’ it, huh? S’that your new word?” 

She babbled some more at him, and he pressed quick kisses against her cheeks in a way that made her laugh before pulling away and resting his head on your shoulder. Charlotte settled down in your lap and rested her head on your chest while her hands grabbed tiny fistfuls of your shirt. You held her to you as she nuzzled into your embrace, something you’d both missed during their time in quarantine.

Your head tilted sideways to rest against the top of Ted’s. “Missed you so much, honey. I’m so glad you’re both feeling better.”

Ted had let Charlotte grab onto one of his fingers, a soothing touch as her eyelids grew heavy. 

“Yeah, don’t think either of us could’ve gone much longer without seeing you and Hen. I needed my beautiful wife, baby girl here needed her mama. And we both just miss Henry’s energy and enthusiasm like crazy.”

Even after being married for a while, Ted still took every opportunity to compliment you and remind you of his love. It still made your cheeks blush and your belly do backflips. 

You turned your head to press a kiss to his thick hair, “We missed you guys too. You know, Henry Bug’s becoming so much like you.”

“How so?”

“He’s just such a bright light in every room he’s in. Always wants to help others, has a heart so full of love for everyone, and funny as hell, too.”

Although you couldn’t see it, Ted couldn't hide his proud smile at the mention of your son. 

“You think he’ll be okay? I mean, turnin’ out like me, n’all?”

You sat up a bit to meet Ted’s eyes, “Ted, I think him turning out like you is one of the most delightful things I’ve ever seen. Anyone would be lucky to even be the slightest bit like you, my love.”

Still not used to being doted on, your words turned Ted’s cheeks a dark, crimson red. “Well, he’s had a pretty amazing woman helpin’ raise him too.”. His soft smile made his eyes crinkle, and if it weren't for your now sleeping daughter in your arms, you would’ve leaned over to kiss one of his graying temples. 

“I mean, sure, but we’re talking about you right now, Teddy. You’re an amazing role-model and father to him. Makes me love you even more, seeing the way you’re teaching him to be such a lovely person.”

He brought a warm hand up to softly rub against Charlotte’s back, “We are doin’ a pretty good job, I reckon.”

Your eyes cast downward to admire the features of your daughter, “We’re doing a hell of a good job, Teddy.”

He flashed you a loving smile before leaning in, and planting a longer, softer kiss to your puckered lips. 

In his past marriage, Ted practically lived in fear of being “too much”. Qualities that made you fall in love with him were ones that he used to feel like he had to hide and growing used to letting go of his fears was a slow process. You’d doted on him as soon as you admitted your feelings for each other. He was such a wonderful human, that even a short time of hiding your affection felt like the most difficult task. Whenever you had a moment, you reminded him of your love for him, if not going even further by expressing your admiration towards him as a person, partner, and father. The progress he’d made was something you were both proud of. 

Even when you did try complimenting him, he would always be so quick to turn it on you. He loved you too, and wanted you to know that, but you were helping him learn that sometimes things could just be about him. Nights where you focused on him and his pleasure, compliments directed explicitly towards him, little gestures to brighten his day without expecting something back. You loved him without any conditions, or hesitations. You loved every part of him, too, and at first that was a tough act for him to swallow.

It was almost as if he’d become comfortable with the idea of being “too much”, because it was easier to predict how things would end, and at first, he thought it would help save him from some sort of heartbreak. You’d been very stern when explaining to him that he would never be “too much”, but your unwavering determination was comforting to him. He had learned that you loved his optimism and radiated similar energy when you two were together. Falling in love with you felt so easy, it felt like coming home. Ted never would've imagined that when he took a job offer across the world to try and save his failing marriage, that he would eventually feel as if he had come home. 

He’d come home to the woman who loved him for him and couldn’t wipe the smile from her face when she was around him. The woman who laughed at his jokes and fired back with some of her own. The woman who became a mother to Henry and gave him a daughter that fit perfectly into the family they’d built. 

His eyes got misty as he watched you rock your daughter into her afternoon nap. With the time you spent apart, you had no plans to put her in her room, you fully intended on her napping against your chest where you could press the occasional kiss to her soft hair. Ted turned to lean his side into the couch, where he could more comfortably rest his head closer to yours. 

“Thank you, Y/N.”

“For what, honey?”

“Just- for everything. For lovin’ me, for our family, for lovin’ Henry and Charlotte. You’re the love of my life, darlin’. You have every piece of me.”

“Ted. I just try to give you the love that you absolutely deserve. Have always deserved.”, he nodded along with you.

A comfortable silence fell across you both as you watched your daughter sleep. 

“Henry’s gonna be so excited to see her when he gets home tomorrow. Seriously, Ted, he has missed Charlie bug so damn much. I definitely didn’t think they’d like each other this much right now, but oh my god I love it.”

“He’s the best big brother. Never gonna have to worry about protectin’ this one when she gets older, huh?”, he smoothed a hand over her head again.

“Nope”, you chuckled softly, “Hen’s got that covered.”

Ted swapped Bluey out for a comedy while you relaxed together on the couch. He’d nodded off against your shoulder as well, and you felt at ease surrounded by your family. Minus Henry, but you knew he was having a blast at Roy and Keeley’s. As your husband and daughter slept, she kept one of his fingers in her hand, holding onto it tightly, even in her sleep.

Thanks for reading!

[thesungod]

their theme is so inconsistent like at the beginning it feels clear, being who you are and accepting each other’s darkness, but the way its done is 😬 and then it switches up to being literally budget toa saying “well everything can change yk??? don’t stay in the darkness” but in a horrible fashion and they’re acting like this is what they’ve been trying to tell me in the past 400 pages when it ISNT dont LIE to ME

i don’t think EITHER of them was reading the book as they write they were just mashing words together bc im watching a book promo for it rn and rick’s saying that will likes nico bc he likes nicos ““darkness”” and how intrigues him and mark’s saying neither of nico or will wants to change that core part of the other. which explains away him in BOO trying to tell nico that nobody disliked him��being that will was projecting his own feelings about nico onto others—and also relates will to apollo even more with their need to reach out to outcasts and love them. but then they didn’t write that they literally wrote that will doesn’t like it and he wants to fix it. thats my STEP SON and they did that to him.

rick did not want to write this book at all, and mark probably projected their nico stanisms onto the other characters without justifying the stanisms. you can really tell when rick has a passion for writing something and when he could not care less. the subtle toa promo in one of the gorgyra scenes and apollo’s updated glossary—he wants you to read toa so bad he could not gaf about this book. and yet apollo is never mentioned positively like give him back to me.

speaking of mark i think this is just a consistent issue they have when writing. i read reviews of one of their books (anger is a gift) and some were very negative about the way the narrative made the protagonist the most righteous person ever and completely revolved around them. ifl that issue bleeds into this book as well.

i saw people (including the writers) say this book is darker than a lot of rick’s other books and i really need them to shut the fuck up; THO literally had kids tied up in crucifixes to be burned at the stake 😭

ok sorry for the ramble i see the letters tsats together and i go on a rampage

you absolutely ate this up!!

also laughing at you calling it “budget toa” because that’s exactly what i said to a friend about this book once. i felt almost offended over the authors trying to fit the “everyone can change!!” narrative last minute and make Nico the symbol of re-invention after five whole books of ToA. i was very “how dare you stand where he stood” about it which is childish but alas.

i’ve also mentioned several times how will and nico’s conflict in the book was not intriguing to read about because it was inconsistent. not to mention that according to the timeline they’ve been together for a year!!! an entire year!!! and the book still has Will acting #shocked that Nico, idk, likes darkness.

the Mary-Suing of Nico literally the worst thing to ever happen to me. i’m usually all for my faves winning, but that’s after they’ve been through the mortifying ordeal of losing, yk. and i get that Nico has been through a lot but the book was basically a 400-pages-long ass kissing and i couldn’t do it.

i couldn’t even feel particularly moved or vindicated by Bob pledging loyalty to him in the end because it wasn’t cathartic at all. i was like we get it dude lol

same with his “friendship” with Piper tbh. not everyone needs to like Nico😭 i would have totally loved it if the book had shown a friendship progress organically through their grief for Jason or common interests (even if just briefly narrated through a recollection!! i’m not saying we needed chapters of flashbacks or Piper as a third main), but Nico does not mention her once ever. they didn’t even like each other in HoO!! then at the end of the book he calls her and he is all like “of course she wouldn’t be angry at me for not calling after Jason died <3 she understands that grief is complicated <3”

my king Piper isn’t angry at you for not calling because she dgaf about you. why would she. who are you to her

another thing I’ll never get over re: Nico and Will’s relationship is how, per the book, Nico encouraged Will to come out and was the first one of the two to do so, when every. single. thing written about them in the Hidden Oracle suggests the opposite.

why the fuck is Nico so reticent and embarrassed about admitting to be Will’s boyfriend in the first book of ToA if it’s Nico who came out first? IN FRONT OF THE WHOLE CAMP might I add?

because i get that coming out to someone doesn’t necessarily mean being comfortable coming out to everyone, but Nico announced his crush IN FRONT OF THE WHOLE CAMP. and asked Will out. and Will wasn’t out at the time. so whyyyy is their dynamic on THO literally the opposite of this? with Will pushing Nico to be more open about their relationship while Nico plays coy? because Apollo is Will’s father? idk, maybe i guess😭

but it’s pretty obvious the change in the dynamic was established later on and that the impression we were supposed to have while reading THO is that Will was the one more comfortable and in tune with his sexuality. like, come on.

[the-moth-from-elsewhere]

mmmmm

rant about Lemon

*deep breath* OKAY SO

To understand Lemonade and where a lot of his tropes come from, you have to understand the context in which I wrote him and antiquity as a whole. I had a fairy childhood, like HARDCORE. So I’ve grown up with a lot of the major fae tropes like the whole “messing with people” and “not lying” and blah blah blah. This also goes for mermaids, by the way, see: Yelena. Anyways, I also happen to have hit “YA age” about the same time as booktok and ACOTAR got really popular, so i’m also minorly influenced by the impact of those and ESPECIALLY the gripes I have with the YA fantasy genre as a whole. You can actually see this criticism in a lot of my writing, especially how I write romance in the context of magical power imbalances. But that’s a ramble for another time!

Lemon’s starting inspirations are random and multiple, including:

This very specific hairstyle from this specific Sky COTL picrew, the idea of sweet and sour candy, and my silly little dare to myself to make a character you had to investigate to figure out all the traits of.

At the start, Lemn had no real backstory, and was supposed to be more themed after summer than spring. But it was spring when I made him, and the rain and calmness fit his personality more. Lemonade is the reason Fae-Antiquity has the Seasons system of leadership at all. His backstory is very influenced by the song “Viva La Vida”. VLV is why he has a bell tower and is named Lewis, after the king of France during the French Revolution.

Now, onto the tropes!

Most of my characters are written to be very approachable and open about themselves, either from not having anything to hide, being naive, or just because I want them to be sympathetic. But Lemonade had to come off as more cold and distant while still being a likeable character. I decided on giving him a deadly curious streak and a sense of humor as ways to get him into trouble and back out again. He’s meant to have well-polished manners and be kind and genuine despite his weird paranoia and reserved personality. He’s not cold, just very in control of himself.

Most of the above paragraph is a subversion of/reference to/slight criticism of a specific YA character archetype: the fae prince character. Ever since ACOTAR, this guy keeps freaking showing up as either a love interest or the main character. You know the trope. Cold, inhuman, blue-and-orange morality, has some humor, sometimes abuses the power imbalance, stereotypically attractive, pretty much fae Edward lol. This is an archetype that GRATES ON ME TO NO END, so some of Lemon’s traits are meant to show that you can make a mysterious, reserved, tragic-backstory-ridden fae prince without making him the worst person imaginable and/or extremely unlikeable and bordering on uncomfortable to think about for too long. Lemon treats his companions as equals and isn’t full of himself. He doesn’t let his anger get the best of him, and his major flaw is being insecure and paranoid that someone will hurt him or especially those he loves. He’s intelligent and calculating but uses it to protect people.

Trope 2: oh hello Elsie’s childhood

Has anyone here watched the 3d animated Tinkerbell movies? No? Just me?? WELL GET READY BECAUSE THOSE THINGS WERE MY CHILDHOOD.

Antiquity is sort of inspired by Neverland’s messy jigsaw puzzle of folklore, although the idea of mashing as much folklore together in one spot as possible is pretty popular these days, so I’ll attribute it to the trope as a whole. When writing lemn and his friends, I didn’t have any specific part of the Tinkerbell cast or worldbuilding in mind, minus the seasons gimmick (once again, commonly used trope). I was moreso just going for the same vibes. They’re a bunch of kids lost in a world they don’t understand but have been given control of, at the end of the day, who have to grow up here with nothing but each other. Thems some Peter Pan vibes right there, lol.

Oh and also Lemn’s passion for inventing and messing with magic is inspired by freaking Da Vinci because I had to do a paper on that guy while I was developing him. Lol.

…

oh geez it’s been an hour

[sealer-of-wenkamui]

Heian-kyo Thoughts

First I think this is one of my favorite chapters yet, no doubt because of my biases, though that means I’m better able to point out my complaints with it too. I was super hyped for it the whole time! As this is my thoughts it will mostly be focused on my interests namely Limbo and Danzou

The setup for this chapter was perfect, one of the most well done things about it, most of my complaints actually stem from that I think they could have taken better advantage of it. Limbo creating a singularity and planning a grail war for the purpose of establishing a lostbelt with them as its god, and it reflects what they learned from Shimousa? Yeah that’s good! And best of all! Inviting ONLY the master of Chaldea who keeps interfering (we wouldn’t have a plot if we weren’t invited too lol) and Danzou, who has been an obvious object of their fixation since then! Blocking even Mash and Kotarou (and making sure they KNEW it was him doing it)

Furthermore, after establishing contact with Chaldea it’s further established that this not for the purpose of defeating us or anything, but rather for Limbo to toy with us and I quote “indulge in his…. proclivities”. So you have it known that he’s doing this for his own pleasure, and what does he do? Invite the one who has been getting in his way, and his favorite toy from Shimousa of course!

This line from Seimei at the end made me laugh cause YEAH. That’s exactly it and it shows in Limbo as well. I have been saying all this time that he doesn’t hold affection for Danzou, but absolutely has a weird fixation with her. That manifests in trying to cause her and specifically her as much suffering as possible. Even restoring her memories is to make the pain he can inflict greater. Her interlude apparently further goes into it but I sadly don’t have her yet so I haven’t seen it myself yet (I’ll probably break down and watch it online soon lol it’s too relevant to me not to)

On the flip side this setup also means she has the chance to settle the score with him, and of all people she’s the one who is most fitting to do so. Limbo has manipulated plenty, and caused pain to countless others too, but the difference is with Danzou he has that fixation not present in say, Amakusa or Junao, or any of the Crypters, not to mention that she was directly under his control from the moment he repaired her, and once she turns on him, he makes her fight the people she now cares about and then blows her up. And the end goal wasn’t anything other than tormenting her unlike the other cases. His fixation means she has been the most intimately hurt by him and so this setup in Heian-kyo both further emphasizes this fixation as well as giving her the chance to strike back. Just a god-tier setup right there!! And I like Limbo here giving their evil villain speech to introduce the grail war, complete with creepy ways to refer to Danzou

And now knowing he is “Ashiya Douman” the living Douman is brought up as well, who I think is another one of the most interesting parts of the chapter. (Of course he had already been consumed by Limbo at this point too but it’s being hidden so it’s probably a good reflection of what he’s like..?) I kinda wish we got to see at least a little more of him (like the confrontation between him and Limbo sounds especially good the way they described it). Cause they’re not an evil person at all, nor do they want to be, but they do have their deep flaws and like…

He acts like he’s okay with this, and being treated as the villain, but I highly doubt it, his fixation with Seimei is the most famous one of all. And Limbo even takes advantage of that to break him.

Anyway for the main grail war section, I liked seeing some familiar faces and it did get me to care about them all the more, and Tsuna and especially Kintoki get good arcs across the whole chapter. Shuten is always a delight for me too lol, she’s great. And you can see how it reflects what Limbo was researching in Shimousa. The main thing I wished for here is at least some of what was going on with Limbo, or perhaps them toying with their guests a little more directly…? This is his entertainment so I wanna see them enjoying it.

The turning point was really exciting and got me hyped, also I LOVE that art for it

And this here is SO GOOD I wanted to see it, more human Douman please! He’s so fascinating in how someone like Limbo could be born from him and yet he barely appears!

The second part… I think could really have benefitted from being longer? Especially the parts about Kagekiyo and Ibuki, they show up then are gone in 2 sections, and I was pretty interested in them, especially Kagekiyo, so I would have liked more on them… and once again, Limbo is taking a more active role and establishing the tree, but there wasn’t enough showing their thoughts or toying with us more.

The final section had some both REALLY GOOD stuff as well as wasted opportunities. One thing I had liked is that Danzou tended to be the most outspoken against Limbo throughout the chapter, which of course is fitting with their history even if she didn’t personally remember Shimousa. The first direct confrontation was good, he’s calling her his puppet, she’s the one who seems most angry with him, he’s being his delightfully over the top evil self, it’s great!

Ibuki should have been in the chapter more but him just being like oh yeah I lied I’m gonna become a god instead was good lol

I also love that he’s unable to become a Beast because of a lack of love for humanity, which makes sense, and it’s a fascinating part of him, he fixates on people but it’s not affection.

But the thing I was annoyed about here is that Danzou and Limbo don’t really say much to each other….? She’s a major object of their fixation and she’s been so deeply hurt by him yet not much from either side? Why…. I knew my hopes of him tormenting her in some scene framed a highly sexual way was getting my hopes up, but the game has always been good about emphasizing this relationship in the past so I was disappointed there wasn’t something involving him attempting to inflict pain on her specifically… or really any sort of toying around with his guests? It’s the whole point of this so I wanted more of him doing exactly that….(you had machine destroying insect shikigami right there come on, so many ways to toy with his favorite doll, give me something)

On the plus side though, I’m delighted she was the one to finish him off, if he had to die, this is exactly how it should be.

The one who had been most personally hurt by Limbo getting to deal the finishing blow on him is perfect. It’s satisfying, it’s closure for her, it’s just GOOD!!

As for the aftermath, the scene with human Douman right here is one of the best parts of the chapter, I adored it, I cried a bit even…

Perhaps he’s the one hurt most by this whole incident… coming face to face with the embodiment of the evil dwelling within him, of what he fears becoming, and breaking down weeping once freed, and nearly killing himself knowing it’s a potential future for him. (Honestly I think Seimei is kinda an ass to him lol I mean oh I thought you wouldn’t fall to Limbo as an excuse for not trying to help him?? He’s terrified of that potential and Limbo struck him at his weakest point, that fixation with Seimei)

And finally, I wish Danzou got some sort of epilogue section, most people did, and it would have been nice to see her reflecting on being rid of Limbo, either by herself or with Kotarou….

And for some final words on Limbo, I love that he gets extra my room lines after finishing, unsurprisingly YEAH it’s Limbo, and he even remembers everything, which is uh, quite the situation! When it comes down to it, I think what Da Vinci said in the opening puts it well,

I don’t think his evil is even subconsciously trying to help anyone or anything like that. It’s a genuine wish for destruction but it’s also rather pitiful…. His whole thing with Seimei probably doesn’t help with seeing no worth in even himself too. Like at the end he’s right back to yelling out at Seimei

And he’s quite a fascinating character for it too, having someone so truly evil, but having originated from an “ordinary onmyouji” who feared becoming old that. Someone who is a “monsterous rakshasa devoid of love”, and I don’t think anyone can magically make him ~love~ but like… it’s interesting to me how someone who CANT love in any way has these fixations on people, and what they’re like as a result (which is why I’m especially interested in his thing with Danzou, it captures that aspect of them well) Best you could hope for I think is them maybe seeing some sliver of worth in things…? They’re both comically evil and also complex in their own right and that’s why I love them so much, I’m really gonna miss them showing up to toy with us all!

TLDR- Heian-kyo GOOD, godly setup that could have been utilized more especially when it came to Limbo and Danzou’s interactions (why wasn’t there more?). Best possible way for Limbo to die and I love human Douman a lot too and he makes his character all the more interesting.

[variousqueerthings]

I like how watching MASH with my mum prompts a dozen comments on breaking the hippocratic oath and medical malpractice, I would be curious where she lands on preventative medicine 

I think this unintentional on the part of the episode, but I wonder how it feels for specifically a doctor to imagine doing that

to take s2 flagg-ep into play, imagining specifically the type of doctor that hawkeye is, who seems to have very quickly cottoned onto it being easy to have the high-ground if you’re not literally in a warzone and so doing what needs to be done for his corner of the world, vs bj who likes to hold onto the trappings of normalcy past when it makes any good sense 

leaving aside anything that the episode/writers wanted to convey, and just poking at the characters, preventative episode is near the end of s7 and so around the time when the “it’s not really about the army being bad, it’s about war-as-concept being bad” stuff took over, and the tone continued to shift into bleaker -- starting s8, but I am curious to see on this watch whether I might not feel like s7 (with peace on us, which also includes army-based antics) starts it, but just creates a last Hurrah of attempts to be ok that on my first watch translated as practically a hopeful atmosphere (lol)

*

it gives enough fuel for me to go, alright, preventative medicine is when hawkeye realises he’s alone in this, and that bj -- despite some earnest attempts here and there -- simply won’t fight on the level that he needs to fight the army + he’s been gradually going up against a higher authority than the army, Death itself (whether or not one wishes to read this as a symptom of mental health issues, I do find resonance in a bipolar hawkeye + a hawkeye who was managing himself and then he up and got sent to a warzone, which is no good for anyone)

(and would Trapper and/or Henry have pulled him aside and gone “buddy, you are not beating Death, death is normal, death is ok, the army sucks, focus on the things you can change, do you wanna take out another appendix? ok, let’s do go that”)

and so essentially this episode as the first in which he really gives up. comparably I don’t think he gives up way back in dr pierce, he “just” has a breakdown -- technically he fights all the way until they sedate him (and not because they’re technically against what he’s doing, but because he Really Needs To Sleep and admirable as shipping toilets is, it’s not what hawkeye himself would think was the best solution were he not several days into insomnia)

and every once in awhile he’ll fight once more (depressing news my beloved), but it’s mostly downhill from there/the goalpost has moved to coping as best as possible -- idk how much it was intended or not, but I feel like “say no more” being so near the end, gives a good and very upsetting blow to hawkeye’s fractured needs, once more zeroing in on who it is that’s causing all the violence. not A War, but an army general, and how he’s let that focus slide in favour of getting through the damn day and pretend-believing (as I hc it) that it’s not a system made up of people that causes all this destruction 

which reframes the ending of preventative medicine as guilt not because it was futile and bad technically for him to do what he did (it wasn’t, fuck you intended framing), but because hawkeye feels a lot of guilt for all the things he can’t do -- he talks a good game about his little corner in that one episode, but like... he literally thinks he’s going up against Death at times, he’s not being entirely rational about this

*

and on bj’s side we’ve got that relentless “I’m looking towards home” narrow focus, in which one can go, ok, well a doctor back home shouldn’t take out someone’s appendix unnecessarily, or indeed, half the shit hawkeye and trapper got up to back in seasons 1-3, which one might with this read assume bj would have not been happy about?” (idk where twice convincing someone they’re very sick lands on the medical malpractice scale, I’ll have to ask my mum)

bj wants to go home unchanged, despite all the mounting impossible-to-ignore-but-he-does-try-putting-on-blinkers-and-going-lalala evidence that that is literally not gonna happen. so it’s less about hawkeye hurting himself, less about ideals, and more about keeping his hands clean and having the high-ground for the sake of his needs 

I enjoy reading bj with all his possible flaws, I think one can say that he both wishes to help hawkeye and is selfishly focused on his own life (after all he has a wife and kid at home, the american dream to return to, unlike some others...) and those clash more and more as the show goes on (I also like resentful bj personally, bj who feels indebted to hawkeye and wants desperately to be there for hawkeye with all his ideals, and dislikes that this is at odds with what he should be doing, which is keeping himself in one mental and physical piece)

he could have done more to stop hawkeye if he really believed that this was wrong and/or it would be wrong for hawkeye. or he could have acceded that hawkeye was making points, but he personally simply couldn’t do it. what he does is stick firmly to the middle path of token resistance and a refusal to carry the burden with hawkeye, and then a somewhat useless holier-than-thou platitude about symptoms and disease that just makes hawkeye feel worse, but then also a hand on his shoulder that hawkeye briefly clings to 

best he can do

*

anyway, I wonder as I continue to watch whether my mum will stick firmly to the ideals she has in a reality in which she hasn’t worked in a warzone, which will put her firmly on bj’s side, or if she’ll poke at things and imagine herself in such a situation (not that I’m trying to torture her, I’m just curious)

there’s something very interesting about doctors vs not-doctors in terms of putting themselves aside from other people in order to do their jobs sometimes, and it’s not necessarily a good thing (it’s a reason I’m scared of doctors outside of my mum and her friends, but those experiences have been firmly not like that, because we all know each other) but it does have a point to it, and the hippocratic oath is one of those things that help you set yourself apart/to a higher ideal, for better or for worse

and hawkeye has a very interestingly loose relationship with it from the get-go, and I think that that’s a much more interesting lens through which to watch preventative medicine than “is he right or is he wrong” -- instead it’s a character drama between his needs and bj’s needs

and on that note my other episode that I’m most curious about my mum’s reaction to is “heal thyself”

humanising doctors, the horror!

[brittlebutch]

I feel like Hawkeye is kinda keeping an eye on everyone else’s health and mood at all times (both because Doctor Mode ™ never completely turns off—especially not in a warzone—and because he’s gotten used to no one noticing when he’s not doing well, but he doesn’t want anyone else to feel that way.

-This means he’s usually one of the first people to realize if someone in camp is sick, and he usually dotes by their bedside until they’re over the worst of it. (If he’s not close with the person—read: it’s Charles or Frank—fluids and cold compresses and tissues usually show up next to their cot anyway just because he can’t leave a sick person in need.)

-He definitely sat up with Radar every time the kid wasn’t feeling well (and probably was used as a human pillow when the kid finally passed out.)

-(He’s definitely been used as a human pillow when BJ gets sick. The man clings if he’s got a fever.)

-The Mother Hen Instinct ™ is up to eleven after the war, because he dotes on Erin—and all the kids in her friend group, and any future Punnihawk babies that may exist—when any of them are sick. (I’m debating whether or not I’m gonna watch the finale when the time comes, but I already know That One Event is too tragic for me to acknowledge, so in my hcs it’s just because the man is made to be a dad.)

-Tiny!Erin wakes up with a sore throat, and he’s already got warm Jello water for her to drink (this actually works, thank you Hack My Life) so they can keep her hydrated. (Punnihawk has probably been keeping an eye on her for a few days at that point because it’s obvious something’s brewing.)

—MASH!Anon

ogh love how cute these are - Carry On Hawkeye is such a fun episode to me because of how Hawkeye has to kind of balance the line between 'getting everything done all by himself' efficiency and his impulse to still sit around and check on Trapper to make sure he's doing alright lol

[il-mio-tesoro]

rosalie hale x fem!reader smut 18+

Warnings: nsfw, choking, degradation, fingering, face sitting, oral (female receiving), possessiveness, mistress used, pet used as a petname, blindfolding, very light bondage, sub/dom dynamic??, praise and a tiny bit of exhibition??

ask for requests lol, this is my first one (twilight and tvd, maybe harry potter) click here for my requests list (what i’ll write, fandoms and whatnot)

LOWER CAPS ON PURPOSE LMAO!!

i had been dating the elusive rosalie hale for a while, she had been sweet, and caring and lovely, and just a wonderful person.

never would i have thought she'd be like this in bed.

we were hanging out at her house, and she watched emmett and i play mario kart, while i sat in her lap. i wore a loose vest and a matching pair of shorts, like i usually would when i was sleeping at the cullens.

"dammit emmett!" i screamed, for what felt like the 100th time that night.

he laughed loudly, "can't help that i'm better than you!"

i scowled at him, "rematch!"

he shrugged, "you're the one losing."

rosalie rubbed your shoulders gently, while jasper laughed at our antics, "c'mon, sweetheart, you can do it. even if you don't, remember he has supernatural reflexes."

i turned round to peck her lips, "oh, i'll win babe, just you wait."

ding

ding

ding!

the dings signalled the beginning of the race, and we immediately started mashing buttons. i focused on nothing but the screen, wiggling in rose's lap as if i were in the kart, but she didn't mind, all she'd do it laugh.

"...c'mon!" i shouted, about to finish the 3rd lap a fraction of a millimetre before emmett.

"yes!" i said, jumping up from rosalie's lap. "i beat you emmett! you, officially suck!" i turned to jasper, "i won! i bet i can beat you now, sucker!" i rambled, launching myself into his arms like i'd done many times before.

he was taken my surprise, so he hadn't had much time to consider his hand placement, and accidentally ended up resting them just above my ass.

i spun round and out of his arms, to face rosalie, "i won, babe!" she looked pissed. "i'm sorry, babe. what's u-" I began, but she cut me off, bitterly. "head up to our bedroom, sweetheart."

i almost ran upstairs, but not after hearing my vampire mate snarl at jasper and follow me.

she slammed the door behind her, and gently pushed me onto the bed, silently asking me if i knew, and was okay with what she was about to do. though stunned, i was more than okay with this happening this way.

she crawled above me and pinned me in. "you know you're mine? don't you?" she growled.

i heard booming laughter from jasper and emmett, and a quick 'ow' from them both shortly after it had begun, a slap had been delivered, presumably by alice.

i cleared my throat, "o-of course i do, love."

"then why," she started, trailing a finger down my jawline, "did you throw yourself at jasper?"

"i, well, i got giddy and hugged him when i won, i only have eyes for you, ro-"

"ah, ah, ah. that's not it, darling." she said seductively, "why did you let him touch you right-" she grabbed your ass, "-here?"

"it was higher than that, i swear rose!" i pleaded genuinely.

she looked deep into your eyes again, asking for permission. this wasn't a something you two hadn't spoken about yet. i smiled and nodded.

"hm... might show you who you belong to.. would you like that, pet?"

i blushed and became a stuttering mess, "i-" i was once again, interrupted by laughter.

"ow!" i heard emmett shout.

"we literally can't help it! we have supernatural hearing!" jasper.

"then leave." alice, bless her heart.

i heard the front door open and close.

"answer me, pet. you like that, don't you? being called pet."

"m-mhm."

she grinned and snaked her hand underneath my shirt and groped my boob and i bit my lip to keep quiet. "c'mon darling, i want to hear your pretty noises." rosalie said, helping me sit up.

"arms up." she muttered. i listened without delay, and she immediately pulled my top off and pushed me back down, "no bra, naughty girl." she tutted, hand creeping around my throat.

i moaned, involuntarily. rose grinned, "another thing you like? wow, i thought figuring you out would be harder. but no," she said trailing a hand up my front, "you're a dirty girl, aren't you?"

she pinched my rosy nipples, and i moaned slightly louder.

the blonde atop of me began massaging my breasts, kissing them, licking them, pinching them, you name it.

i pressed my legs together, and moaned more. i shrieked in shock and pleasure when she delivered a bite to my bud, rosalie only smirking at me, snaking a hand to my thighs, and using it to hold them apart, "patience, pet."

i whined at the lack of friction, but she continued her attack on my nipples, until i reached my breaking point, "rose! please, just- ugh!"

she stopped, and smiled innocently, "what darling?"

"you know, babe!"

she leaned down, and whispered in my ear, "in bed, you call me rose, or mistress. got it, pet?"

i groaned softly, and my face flushed red. "y-yes."

she licked below my ear and i shivered, "yes, what?"

"yes, mistress."

"now... what do i know?"

i turned my head away from her, "don't make me say it, rose."

she grinned, almost predatorily, "why ever not, darling?" she said sinfully.

"i'm in a house with your vampire family, i don't want them to hear."

"do it. i want them to know you're mine."

"i love you rose, but they're mated pairs, like us."

she beamed at me, with a glint in her eyes, tightening her grip on my throat a bit, not enough to hurt me though. "maybe i'll have to show you we're a mated pair then, pet."

she stripped slowly, exposing her matching red underwear set, then she took a dressing gown belt of a hook, and walked back to me with a sway in her hips.

"you're so beautiful, rosalie." i said, genuinely smiling at her.

she smiled softly, before returning to her dominatrix act.

"arms up, darling."

i obeyed without a second thought.

the red silk of the belt tied my hands to her white bedframe, a perfectly sinful contrast.

i tugged gently, and saw that i couldn't undo them. my breath caught in my throat, but i soon calmed down, knowing she wouldn't do anything to harm me in any way.

i saw her walk away again, this time returning with her black scarf.

"can you lift your head, please?"

"mhm," i said, smiling.

"i would never hurt you, y/n." she said, breaking out of her persona, and placing a tender kiss to my lips.

"i know."

the smooth material covered my eyes, blinding me, my face burned, again, and rosalie chuckled.

"your secrets keep unravelling, ma chére."

i felt her straddle my hips, and sturdy herself by pressing her hands on my chest.

a tear sounded through the room, my shorts. "rose! i liked those shorts!"

"i'll buy you new ones."

a finger traced her inner thigh, and her index and middle finger pressed against her panties, "so wet. all for me?"

i gulped, "y-yes, mistress."

she moaned at the name, and lightly ground her hips into my abdomen.

another tear filled the room, my panties. "you're lucky i don't like that set too much." i grumbled.

her hand came back up to my throat. "and you're lucky i don't punish you for that." rose slid off her stomach, and kneeled in between my legs.

"head up." i lifted my head, to which she pulled the scarf off.

"keep your eyes open."

she dragged her index and middle finger through me heat, all while maintaining eye contact, and gently sucked on her fingers. "so sweet... and wet." she grinned.

rosalie put the scarf back on me, putting me in darkness again.

her cold breath fanned my mound and she blew on my clit. i moaned an ground myself into the mattress.

"such a whore... all for me." i moaned again at her use of whore.

"rose..."

"what's a good girl like you enjoying being called a whore?" she asked innocently, probably grinning.

her cool tongue gingerly touched my slit, liking a stripe from the bottom of it right to the top, flattening her tongue over the clit.

"oh my... rose." i whimpered, moaning louder.

though she had no experience with girls, she ate me out expertly.

her tongue flicked over clit again, and made her way down to my entrance, slipping the tip of her tongue in, before pulling it out as fast as it went in.

i became a moaning mess, as she started to rapidly flick her tongue over my clit. my hands begged to lodge themselves into her hair.

"rose-" i cut myself off with a moan, "i-i'm gonna cum."

"hold it." she said, barely stopping her actions.

her movements became faster.

"mistress- i can't hold it for m-much longer!"

her hand reached up and pinched my nipple, before whispering, "cum for me, pet."

i released, and rose kept going through it.

"like honey." she said. kissing you with her lips covered in my juices.

"thankyou, rose."

"oh, you don't think i've finished have you? i told you i'd show you who you belong to, did i not?"

i nodded shyly, probably blushing.

"words please, darling."

"y-you did."

"you did, what?"

"you did... mistress."

"good girl." i whimpered at the praise, and she kissed me again.

"precious girl. praise kink, you have no idea how cute that is."

suddenly, she inched a finger into my heat, pulling moans out of me already.

"only one finger. guess the first orgasm made you very sensitive, hm?"

"m-mhm."

her finger curled, just as she introduced a second one. "oh my god, rose, it feels so good." you whispered, knowing full well she could hear you.

she pulled them out, and thrust them back in, repeating the action several times, forcing needy moans out of me. "aw, you're so needy it's cute."

"i'll let you cum, but if you don't do it in, hm... 10 seconds, i'll leave you for the night, deal?"

"deal, rose."

her lips wrapped around my swollen clit, and her fingers moved faster into a heavenly spot i didn't know i had.

her fingers tapped on my thigh every second and in between the fifth and the sixth, i released onto her face and i felt her grin into my heat. she gave my clit a final kiss, and pulled off the scarf.

her eyes were warm as she straddled my abdomen, smiling.

"you did so well, darling."

i pouted, "you didn't get to cum, rose."

she tutted, "i wanted you to feel good, honey."

"but i want you to feel good, rosie."

"well then, what would you like me to do?"

i frowned, "don't make me say it, rose."

she tapped my nose and crossed her arms over her chest, "then i guess i won't be doing anything."

i sighed melodramatically, "...sit on my face." i mumbled.

"pardon, pet?"

i went scarlet, "s-sit on my face, please." i said clearly.

"as you wish, darling." she said, mounting my chin, and gasping when my tongue darted up to meet her wet clit. breathe through your nose, i thought to myself.

i flicked my tongue against her cool clit, her body reacting by thrusting into my mouth. i tried flicking faster, and she grabbed the headboard, using it to help her grind into my face rhythmically. "such a g-good girl." she said, before the room descended into her moans.

"darling, i'm going to cum." when she said this, i laid my tongue flat onto her clit, and dragged it down her slit, until she released into my mouth.

she dismounted, and i smiled at her, "did i do good?"

"perfectly." rose said, while untying my wrists, throwing the ribbon elsewhere. "i'll be back in a moment, don't move."

thinking of your moment gave you butterflies, and true to her word, she returned with a soft wash-cloth, a pile of clothes in her hand and a dressing gown on her. she started of by wiping my face, and she then gently wiped my heat, trying not to over-stimulate me.

"get these on, and we'll get you a snack and a drink and afterwards i'll run you a nice bath, okay?"

"okay, i love you babe." i said, pulling on her slightly larger t-shirt on and a pair of my shorts.

she opened her bedroom door for me, "i love you too." she said, while wrapping an arm around my waist and leading me downstairs.

she lead you into the kitchen, where she gave you unneeded help onto a stool, and scuttled around for food.

alice, edward, carlisle and esme walked in slyly, emmett and jasper joining from outside.

"chocolate sound good, honey?" rose shouted from a cupboard.

"yes please!" you said, blushing from the cullens' collective smirk.

emmett and jasper hopped onto the stools either side of you, smirking, "so-"

"emmett, don't." edward warned, and alice gave jasper a smack round the head.

"whatever your thinking, don't."

esme and carlisle gave your shoulder a squeeze, adding more rouge to your blush.

rosalie handed you your favourite chocolate bar, and gave you a quick peck.

esme smiled at you, "camomile tea, dear?"

"yes please, esme."

edward wretched, "rosalie control your thoughts." he said childishly.

i almost choked on my chocolate, "babe, you better not be doing what i think you're doing."

"i would never!" she said sarcastically, placing a hand to her heart, "after all, you're mine."

my head fell into my hands as the cullens' laughed, "shut up rose!"

"here's your tea, dear."

"thankyou."

"i love you, y/n."

"love you too, rosalie."

alice snickered, "more like mistress and pet."

"ALICE!" the couple shouted, simultaneously.

"I knew you would!" emmett shouted at alice, picking her up and spinning her.

"we win!" jasper gloated, while the parental figures and edward just laughed.

[can-i-ship-in-queering-peace]

DNI if you about drama I want none of it tyvm!

This podfic is not mine but is so amazing!!!! It’s such a fix it fic while literally just being an entire rewrite of the whole story of them but much better imho. I’ve binged this podfic a few times and just needed to share!!!

Please check it out and share!!!(just noticed this doesn’t link you to the series that this is pls seek it out, well worth it!!! There’s 13ch and they get longer!) that’s what it looks like for ref) the original fic is linked if you would rather read it but the narrator does such an amazing job with effects and voices!!!!

It’s not sexual just so y’all know it’s plot heavy and like you’re watching them beautifully mash up movie with the book and their own ideas it’s amazing and Reddie heavy! Ugh it made the movie hurt a lot better/less. The writing and voice acting is so good got me wanting to start up both, legit. I really enjoyed this so much ima start makin podfics yall (narrator: “and he did”)

Sorry but in order to keep getting this fanfic of mine the love it deserves I must keep it pinned. I will start posting them as I work through them. I have a lot of fics to finish Harringrove(will post through my side acct), Boreo, Byler and even a Reddie(maybe more icr), I’m working on atm but my dms and asks are always open to suggestions and to just chatting out any concepts.

🤷🏻hope ya like! 🏳️‍🌈👏🏻(⚠️trigger warning⚠️of internalized homophobia feels for my fanfic) unrequited love?.. not really)

My first Byler oneshot and it’s almost 5000 words ayyy look at meee:

Also I’m pushing myself past my more younger self who would be too scared/embarrassed/shy to share something like this. Lol I’m working on saying yolo more these days and having so much fun sharing my heart through works with others out there like me/who can relate to my content, and to, hopefully feel less alone. It’s such healing work! I’m def gonna be trying my hand at more podfics in the future since I’ve utilized them so many times when too depressed and unmotivated with things to even read content for fandoms to make myself feel better/less alone.

Big hug of a side note, if you’re a queer kid or where one and are an adult dealing and healing with your past/experiences/struggles/trauma/etc, or if you are or where in the closet, no matter what your situation.. if you’re seeing this know that you’re not alone. Nothings wrong with you! You’re lovely, you will be happy and healthy one day surrounded by people who know the real you and love that person and accept you for you! If you don’t feel that way, you’re not at the end of your story yet! Keep going! Keep fighting! It gets better and that comes from a sad queer case such as myself who makes stuff like this to cope with my own childhood (queer) traumas lol. I love you and you’re amaziiing sweety! KEEP SLAYING, FUCK THE HATERS (and stay safe!) 🤗🥰)

Finally made my Byler playlist public even tho I haven’t proof relistened and added nearly all the songs I want but we need what we can get for this ship content so just ignore any songs that don’t go. The Will playlist is done I went thru it all again. Checks out well

Fanfic context;

Other writing bits:

Ch2 of my Genderqueer Five fic is out! <3

[capricorn-stark]

Othello Pt 2

pairing: jason todd x reader, reader is a psych major because i think the concept of psych majors in Gotham is funny lmao

warning: i wrote this at 1 am again, kinda long, swearing

a/n: i mention Dana Harlowe and Annie B’s diner, they’re both from RHATO’s final two issues lol. still dedicated to @tadpole-san even though she hate crimed me 

part 1

“I thought you said you wanted to get coffee,” you started when you noticed Jason veering away from where your regular coffee shop should’ve been, choosing to cut through the street and venture to a different path entirely. “Because you just-”

“Yeah, I know, I’m hungry,” he declared, slipping his hands into his pockets and tilting his head towards another row of stores illuminated with neon-lights and flickering street lamps. “This place has better stuff than overpriced coffee, promise.” You let out an exaggerated gasp of shock at that notion and he laughed, nudging your shoulder with his. 

It was always strange to be walking around Gotham during the night, but with Jason by your side, it was far less worrying than it usually was. On your own, you couldn’t even imagine traveling around the dark streets littered with muggers, petty thieves, and the occasional evil clown prince or two - one minute, you’d be speed-walking down the streets, the next minute you could end up as the lucky winner of Scarecrow’s fear-gas testing special.

You actually knew someone who had been in that very situation. They were in Arkham now.

With Jason, it was almost ridiculous how much safer you felt. It didn’t take a whole lot of observational skills to notice how the men who usually leered at you and your friends when you passed shrank and slipped into the shadows when a man over 6 feet in height and built like a tank walked past them. Jason himself was in a good mood tonight, his shoulders relaxed and a slight smile playing at his lips while he told you about the local theatrical-adaptation of Othello that was currently under production near Gotham University. 

You were getting used to seeing him like this - not so moody, smiling, present - but you had also noticed the expressions he had when no one was looking, when he wasn’t thinking about anything in particular, when his gaze had a certain intensity to them that you hadn’t ever quite seen before. He didn’t really like talking about himself or his life, preferring to keep conversations centered around school or you. The few times you had tried asking about his family and work had all led to him clamming up and quickly dropping the subject, his body language rigid and completely closed-off, the crease by his brows deepening as his expression transformed into a scowl. It was the first time you realized that Jason Todd could actually be genuinely scary - and the first time you realized there was a much, much darker side of him that you weren’t sure if you wanted to see.

You knew it wasn’t your place to pry, and you had never brought it up since - but you couldn’t help but wonder just what had happened to make someone like him so angry. 

“...and I figured we could - did you just zone out on me?”

You snapped back into attention at his rather dramatic tone, flinching out of your character analysis to pay actual mind to the man in question himself. 

“No, I just-” 

“Yeah? What did I just say?” Jason challenged, grasping your arm to pull you away from the traffic lane you had nearly walked right into. His disbelieving expression made your face burn red - but much to your relief (and embarrassment), he was laughing. 

“I’m sorry, I wasn’t completely zoned out-” 

“After you literally walked into traffic? Yeah, I can tell,” he deadpanned, tugging you towards him right as the cars slowed to a halt, the pedestrian signal blinking above you. The sudden action and the sudden closeness made your face heat up - something he apparently noticed when his bright green eyes flickered across your features and caused a smirk to tug at his lips. Instead of the teasing you had braced yourself for, you watched as he tilted his head towards the diner across the street, letting go of your arm. “It’s right over there, c’mon.” 

He was already moving towards the crosswalk when you shook yourself out of your stupor, quickly moving to catch up with him and glancing up at the diner. The big glowing red letters on the sign beside it read “Annie B’s”. 

“They got good food,” he explained at your questioning look, leaning forwards to swing the door open for you. “I used to hang around here a lot when I was a kid.” 

“I don’t think I’ve actually seen this place before,” you commented, entering and hearing Jason close the door behind him, taking a quick glance around before you took a seat in one of the cherry-red and white leather booths. “Kinda wish I had.”

The entire diner had a vintage touch to it, from the luminescent pink and blue lights lining the ceilings to the multicolored tile floors, the cherry-red barstools, and even the jukebox in the corner cranking out old-timey tunes. There were only a few other people sitting at the bar and chilling in a booth a few down from your own, all too absorbed in their own worlds to pay much mind to the two of you. You could hear the sizzling of the food being made back in the kitchen, emitting a heavenly aroma that made your stomach growl not-so subtly. Jason laughed as he slid down across from you, sliding one delicate paper menu over as he scanned over the other. 

“Pretty cool, huh? And like I said, they got great food.” He nodded at your stomach and you rolled your eyes, eliciting another laugh from him. “Knock yourself out, ‘cus dinner’s on me.” Before you could open your mouth to object, the kitchen doors flew open and a woman stepped out holding a heaping tray of food. 

“One chicken fried steak with a side of mashed potatoes and rings,” she announced as she set down the trays in front of a man sitting a few booths down, already moving to refill his glass with a pitcher of water. “Enjoy your dinner, Phil.” 

“Thanks, Dana,” the man told her as he picked up his fork and gave her a crooked-toothed grin, already digging into his food. “Always do.” 

“I sure hope so,” the lady agreed, moving to walk back towards the kitchen before catching sight of them. She broke into a grin at the sight of Jason sending her a playful salute, changing course to head towards their booth instead. “Well, look who it is!” she exclaimed, securing her curly black hair out of her face with an orange-and-green bandana as she stopped in front of them. “Jason Todd decided to drop by for a little visit, did he? And he brought a friend.” 

The sight of her beaming at you was too contagious for you to not smile back up at her in return.

“Hi, Dana,” Jason grinned, nodding at you as she looked between the two of you. “This is Y/N. Y/N, Dana Harlowe. Her dad runs this place.” 

“It’s so nice to meet you,” Dana told you with another grin, leaning forwards to shake your hand in greeting. “When I decided to help out at the diner tonight, I wasn’t expecting a miracle. I definitely didn’t think this boy would ever walk in here with a date of all things-”

“Oh as if,” Jason scoffed loudly as the two of you laughed, face reddening beneath the bright colored lights. “Have you seen me? I was born a lady-killer.” He shot you a wink and you sent him another playful eye roll.

“Yeah, you sure killed me alright.” Dana burst out laughing again as Jason immediately let out a protest of betrayal at your words.

“I like you,” she decided when she finally managed to straighten, taking out her notepad and pen with another brilliant smile. “Did y’all decide what you wanted yet, or do you need another minute?” Jason glanced over at you and you nodded back up at her.

“Sure, I’m ready.” 

Dana headed back into the kitchen for your food after you ordered, leaving the two of you to sit in a comfortable, familiar silence, the sound of forks scraping against porcelain plates and vintage beats being the only disruptors. 

“I used to hear these songs on Gotham City Radio all the time,” Jason finally began after taking a sip of his water, fixating his gaze back on you as he crossed his arms over his chest and leaned back against the leather seat. “Growing up, I mean. I still do, sometimes.” 

“Classic jazz?” You grinned, taking a small sip of your own water in turn. “You? I didn’t get that vibe from you.” He chuckled and rubbed the back of his neck with a slight shrug.

“At my old place, I had, uh, a butler. He wasn’t really a butler, honestly, he was more like a dad than anything. Or, like, a really cool grandpa. He had a whole rack of guns and shit he kept polished in this big cabinet thing-” You raised a brow, attempting to hide your amusement by taking another sip of water. You were a little surprised that he had actually started talking about his family at all - you weren’t about to ruin it, and boy, did you want to know more about the guy. “And he used to play that station all the time at home, GC Radio Classics. I guess I kinda missed hearing it.” 

“He does sound pretty cool,” you admitted with a smile, setting the glass back down. “Do you still visit him?” Jason hesitated a few moments before attempting a nonchalant shrug. You noticed the tightness in his body language again, the same sort of tightness you saw when he was closing up around you. 

“Not much anymore,” he finally said, letting his shoulders drop a little bit. “It’s been...a while. Just got some shit going on.” You watched him take another drink before you spoke again.

“If you ever want to talk about it with me - or talk about anything, really - you can, Jason.” It wasn’t just the products of your psych major showing through you - you meant your words, and the slight smile playing at his lips seemed to signal that he had understood that as well. 

“Don’t worry about it, seriously. But thanks.” You nodded, looking up again when the kitchen doors flew open once again, Dana heading out towards your table with another two trays heaped with mouth-watering food. 

“And here you go,” she smiled as she set your respective meals down before you, taking your glasses to refill them as well. “Enjoy your food, you two. Call me over if there’s anything else you need, yeah?” You both thanked Dana as she sashayed away again, letting the doors swing shut behind her once again after checking up on the rest of her customers. 

Neither of you wasted any time digging into the food as soon as it appeared, finishing most of it in mere minutes like the starving university students you were, breaking the silence with the occasional offer at trying something the other had gotten. The aroma had been no false-alarm - it tasted even better than you had anticipated, and that was certainly saying something. Savory fries, buttery biscuits, and smoky burgers were better than anything else you had in a while. 

“How did I not find this place sooner?” you sighed as you pressed a napkin to your lips, leaning back against your seat as you tried to process just how full you really felt. At this rate, you would have to roll your way out of the place. “I know you said it was gonna be good, but I didn’t expect it to be this good.”

“I told you,” Jason grinned as he finished up the last of his burger and fries, crumpling up his own napkins and setting them into the tray to throw away. “I know good food places! I grew up around these streets.”

“So did I!” you protested as he laughed and stood up to throw all the trash away, setting the trays back where they were supposed to go and pulling out his wallet just as Dana appeared by the kitchen’s window with two milkshakes. 

“You can count these on the house,” she told him as she slid them over, ignoring his protests and sending you a wink as you stood up from the booth as well. “Enjoy your night - and it was real nice meeting you, Y/N. Todd, I better be seeing you around more often.” 

“Yes ma’am,” he deadpanned, his smile warm as she waved them out anyways. “Thanks, Dana.” 

You called out a thanks to her as well, tightening your jacket around you as you left the warmth of the diner and felt the chill of Gotham’s dreary night hit you once more. Jason handed you your milkshake, bringing his own straw to his lips and taking a sip. 

“You guys seem close,” you noted with a smile as you took a sip yourself, relishing the cold, sweet taste of the shake in delight. Jason chuckled at that, shrugging as you walked along the illuminated sidewalks in no particular direction. 

“She’s like an annoying sister to me. I’ve known her since I was a puny kid.” You watched as the corners of his mouth curled into a slight smile as he took another sip. “Dana, her sister, and her dad were good to me growing up. They’re great people.”

That, you had been able to tell just from meeting the woman herself. 

“I liked meeting her. She was pretty cool.” He chuckled again and spared you another glance. “And thanks, by the way, for dinner tonight. It really was really good. And way better than just coffee.”

“I told you,” he grinned, flickering those brilliant green eyes across your face again. “I know where the good spots around Gotham are. We don’t have a lot of them, but when we do have them, they’re pretty damn good.” That elicited a laugh from you and Jason stopped beneath one of the streetlamps lining the sidewalk. 

“You did better than I expected, Todd.” He made a big show of popping his collar and scoffing at your comment.

“What, you expected me to not impress you? Do you think that low of me?” 

“That theatre minor of yours is really starting to make an entrance, you can put it away now-” 

“Hey!” You burst out laughing and he couldn’t help but join. You felt pretty sure that he looked the happiest right then and there than you had ever really seen him - whatever that might’ve meant. Pretty soon, your laughter was residing and he had taken a slight step forwards, a cheeky grin still plastered on his face. “I’m glad you enjoyed yourself.” 

You looked back up at him with a nonchalant shrug despite fighting back another smile yourself. 

“Yeah, it was a pretty good night.” His gaze flickered towards your lips before settling back on your face. 

“Yeah?” The sounds of honking cars and the murmurs of people walking past all around you felt like they were being drowned out somehow when you felt him get a little bit closer. The smile tugged at the corner of your mouth again.

“Yeah.” Another moment passed before Jason finally closed the distance between you, meeting your lips in a surprisingly gentle kiss for a man who looked like he could snap a baseball bat with his bare hands. You wrapped your arms around his neck after yet another moment, feeling him draw you even closer to him at the action. 

Literally and figuratively, it was a sweet kiss. The milkshake truly had done wonders. 

You were a little breathless when he finally pulled away, and you hoped the shitty streetlight would keep him from seeing just how red your face had gone. Jason was grinning at your reaction, rubbing the back of his neck.

“C’mon, that was better than pretty good.”

“Shut up,” you told him immediately, swatting his arm and moving to continue your walk again as he laughed and easily moved to catch up to you, slinging an arm around your shoulders.

“It was! You gotta admit it, that was pretty great-”

“Shut up, Jason.” 

Just like that, once again, you had Othello of all things to thank for your night. Maybe, just maybe, it hadn’t been such a terrible book after all. 

[deltastra]

Heeeeeyyyy I’m still alive! Don’t worry, I’m still playing Xenoblade Chronicles 3 as well!

In fact, I finished chapter 6 almost a week ago.

The reason why it takes me so long to finish chapters is because I am enjoying all the side quests. The side quests are just so much fun. The stories are all so engaging and I rarely find myself button mashing the dialogue.

And my favourite aspect in ascension quests is when Kevesi heroes get to meet Agnian heroes, their interactions are very interesting!

To be honest, after I finish the game, I plan to write my thoughts on each hero in xenoblade chronicles 3. But we’ll see…

Now, I’ll be diving into spoiler territory! Keep in mind, it took me a long time to complete this so I may have forgotten some things!

SPOILERS FOR CHAPTER 6 AND IT’S ENDING

Not gonna lie, starting off the chapter with Noah in the middle of nowhere with muffled noises is a great way to pull you into his psyche. But man, I was not expecting to get N’s backstory through Noah (I know, I’m dumb).

Unfortunately, I was spoiled over M and N having a baby through a YouTube video’s thumbnail and title that got recommended me while I was watching a thirst edit of one of my favourite anime villains so it wasn’t surprising to me.

What was surprising, however, WAS THAT THOSE TWO USED TO BE LOST NUMBERS??

Man, seeing N try again and again to save M from death was sad. Not to mention that scene with N telling his child that he has to go soon, hinting towards his homecoming.

The idea that he chose to become Moebius because he wanted this “endless” really made me feel for him. Unfortunately, not too much. Because the guy was way too obsessed.

I love that shot of him standing between two paths though…

___________

Ok, now for the plot twist with Mio switching with M. On one hand, I feel cheated. It made me feel like all that build-up was worthless if it was going to be resolved almost immediately. On the other, I do quite like the way they brought her back. It ties in to the fact that M never wanted this. M was happy with N before Moebius. She was suffering so much but she chose to be quiet. N couldn’t see that. It just makes it more sadder because back in that cell, she said “my Noah”. That line was sweet but felt off to me back then cause I didn’t think Noah and Mio’s relationship got to THAT point. Well now it makes sense, it was M…

Rest in Peace M :(

N’s rage was brilliantly done. I love how obsessed and desperate he sounded the moment he realised what happened. But alas, I guess he was too blinded by rage to see why M betrayed him.

Noah finally having the courage to use Lucky Seven was amazing, the blade looks so cool.

___________

Aight I’m just going to say it. WHO IS RIKU??? (Don’t spoil thanks)

I remember reading some comments saying that the nopon in the previous games were annoying rather than cute. I found that hard to believe because I ADORE the nopons in this game. They’re so adorable, especially Riku and Manana <3

It’s very interesting how Riku is this type of “mentor-figure” to Noah. Hope to see more but only one chapter remaining…

___________

Now for the Queen of Agnus scene…

The location where she sleeps looks so beautiful and the theme was heavenly. It really makes you feel the weight of how far you’ve come and what you’re about to do.

And the scene when she finally wakes up… I’ll be honest, I never played xenoblade chronicles 2, just watched clips. But I LOVED Nia there, so seeing her here did make me smile. And the music that played while she was waking up, it sounded familiar to I decided to check. The Drifting Soul motif was brilliant.

AND THEN SHE GOT SHOT AND I WAS PISSED (she lived tho and we got to hear got to hear her be pissed over it till she realised ppl were watching her lol)

___________

I’ll be honest, I was getting kind of annoyed with Joran’s “IM BETTER THAN ALL OF YOU NOW” attitude. He felt like an edgy kid to me despite his first reveal in Colony Lambda being pretty shocking.

But now, that’s all changed. The idea that once you become Moebius, you see all your past lives, must’ve been awful for him. Seeing that he was “useless” in his previous lives as well, makes his change in demeanour more sensible to me now.

Regardless, his friends never gave up on him. They really did know the real Joran. And he finally acknowledged that. I was genuinely proud of him over his decision despite it resulting in his death.

___________

The emotional weight didn’t completely reach me till this scene. In a way, both Joran and Lanz got the closure they needed. I was happy that Joran’s final thoughts before his death was him with Noah, Lanz, and Eunie. All of them together, in their younger years. Not only does his death really make me feel that it’s the end of that era where children were met with expectations to win wars, but also how far those three have come.

It was like Joran saying goodbye to them, to the trio he once knew. They didn’t surpass him, I don’t think that’s the point. They simply changed. And his “maybe next time…” makes me feels like he is ready to as well. That’s just how I like to interpret it.

Overall, his redemption was amazing and was the highlight for this chapter to me.

___________

That’s the end folks! I’ll see y’all in like….I don’t know….another month? I really am playing the game, almost every day actually! I’m just more keen on trying to find EVERY quest.

I do plan on finishing the game before Sonic Frontiers releases. So, definitely going to finish this game by the end of the month or early November.

I plan to write a full review of the game after I finish the main story. It’s been a while since my last proper review (which was omniscient reader).

I hope this was a fun read, feel free to share your thoughts too! I love discussing the game with you guys.

Stay safe!

[moral-turpitudes]

A Secret Life:

**Gif credits go to the amazing @nofckingfighting​ your gifs give me life ok. They’re *chef’s kiss.**

Masterlist | Rules | Peaky Prompts

Trigger Warnings: None really, just some Fluff and some Swearing I think.

Word Count: 3,324

Characters: Johnny Dogs x Female!Reader

Requested by: @atjafshelby​, you can find it here. This was the first time I’ve written anything mainly for him so I hope this is good lol. I love getting the opportunity to write other characters. :)

Summary: After a spat about potatoes and a sudden departure from Thomas’ dinner meeting, Johnny Dogs rushes home to be with his wife Y/N and their family, knowing he’d have to tell the blinders about his secret life with them eventually.

The weather was gloomy as the peaky men prepared for one of Tommy’s meetings in the middle of Charlie’s yard. The cans full of logs and kindling burning brightly through the smog of Small Heath as the smoke filled the air. The smell of smoked meat and other foods slowly making their way onto the makeshift table.

In the distance though, was a loud voice mumbling on hurriedly as he stomped along the dirt and soot covered road leading to the feast.

“Right, put the steel rods up the gooses arse there. Go on.” Johnny Dogs said to one of the younger lads who were understandably confused. His eyes watching as they did so, itching to do it himself since no one ever prepared goose the right way. This wasn’t his only criticism though, as he made his way to the table he noticed the lack of starch amongst the men.

“This isn’t a proper dinner. If you’re going to have the Gold’s here ya gotta have potatoes!” Johnny Dogs said loudly as the Shelby’s tired uncle followed the Irish traveler around the yard.

Charlie looked at the man dumbfounded, thinking it was as great a feast as any.

“I want him to see that we live proper, that we eat proper, in the proper way!” He exclaimed.

“No...no you know what?” He added, pointing at Charlie with an anger-filled expression.

“What?” Charlie asked, lighting a cigarette as his infamous nephews came strolling in.

“I’ll get the potatoes me-self!” He exclaimed, clearly frustrated as he stomped through the yard to the old market nearby. His mind buzzing with the thought of his wife and children back at camp. He loved being here with the men he considered allies, but his heart was there with Y/N, always, especially now that she’d been alone with their newest edition to the family.

“What’s he on about aye? It’s just a dinner to discuss the vendetta. Is he scared of the Gold’s?” Tommy said, a cigarette lingering on his lips.

“No he just thinks they’re bloody heathens.” Charlie said as Tommy smirked, walking back to meet Aberama Gold and his son Bonnie.

As Johnny got back, he hastily threw the potato’s in one of the boiling pots near the men. The steam rolling off them as he mashed them up and brought them to the table.

“Bit late there Johnny.” Arthur said, grabbing a huge spoonful of them.

“Not me fault someone can’t prepare a proper meal.” He said, his eyes darting to his pocket watch as Aberama agreed, thanking him for making them as they continued their tense conversation.

“Is there something wrong?” Tommy asked Johnny, causing him to swallow hard as he tried to not tell them about you. It ached him not to, but quite frankly he was nervous to do so. Knowing they’d have something to say when they learned of his relationship status and such.

“Almost forgot, I had some things to take care of at camp. I’ll be back in the mornin’ boys. Don’t get blood all over the fucking food alright?” He said, Tommy waving him off with a suspicious look on his face. He never had men leave abruptly, but if anything he thought maybe he had a whore waiting for him or another feud to handle.

But little did the blinders know what actually awaited him.

“Aye! Dads going to be home soon-no-don’t you dare hit your brother!” Y/N said aloud to her two rambunctious children Alice and Samuel, who were running around the field with the other little ones of the group that were set up nearby. Your youngest, Sarah, nestled on your hip and baby-babbling to herself.

“You’re gonna be full of words just like your father aren’t ya love?” You said to her quietly, going over to your son and daughter who were rough-housing as usual.

“Playtime’s over loves, we have to get ready for dinner.” You said, the children immediately stopping and saying goodbye to the other kids as you waved goodbye to their parents.

As you led your children back to the vardo, you quickly put your daughter down in her small crib near the cramped bed in the wooden structure.

Your tired reflection caught you off guard as you looked in the mirror. Your eyes not as bright and hair not as perfectly placed as before you’d had three children.

You were always grateful to be blessed with good looks that were surely from your mother, but you soon garnered unwanted attention as you’d grown up, the men throwing themselves at you left and right, until you’d seen Johnny one day at a camp in Ireland of course. He was bantering with his friends, fist fighting and such near one of your family’s stops, his smile catching your eye as he laid his own upon you. The poor man got punched because of you after all, making him go off his game with your beauty. But to this day he said he didn’t regret it, telling you in that moment his world stopped. That he’d felt like the luckiest man in the world to have someone as sweet and as beautiful as you by his side all these years.

And so now here you were, waiting for your traveler and infamously rowdy blinder husband to come home. The sun setting in a plethora of colors over the field as the other travelers sat around their respective bonfires.

“When’s dad coming? He’s usually back.” Your son asked, his eyes the color of yours but the shape of Johnny’s, and your daughters small smile like his as well.

“Yeah mum where’s he off to? I wanted him to tell us a bedtime story.” She said, pouting slightly as she watched you preparing dinner.

“Give him time angels. He’s a busy man.” You said, wondering where he was, knowing he’d most likely gotten held up by the fucking Shelby’s once again.

He’s never told them about you and it stung a bit, but you realized early on that he only did it to keep you and the family safe, knowing that nothing good ever came from uttering the Shelby name.

As you portioned the food out for the children, your youngest cried for her food as well as you sighed and went in to nurse her. Humming a soft song to her as she gradually fell asleep in your arms.

As the kids emptied their bowls, stomachs full and content smiles on their faces, you ushered them to their beds, your heart racing slightly as you thought about where your husband could be.

“Don’t worry loves, dad will be home soon alright? I’m going to be just outside.” You said, fixing yourself your portion of the food as you stoked the fire a bit more, the embers disappearing into the night air as you wrapped the warm knit blanket around you.

You’d gotten accustomed to spending the majority of your nights alone with the children, eating amongst the stars and telling stories, but one thing always remained constant, and that was the need for their dad to be home. He made everyone light up when he’d come around. His laugh bringing a smile to your face instantly as he entertained the kids on his off days while you rested with the baby. But now like many nights, they missed him. They missed how he’d make you all feel safe, knowing he had you all out in the open like this. But he knew the company he kept, and he trusted them with his life that they’d take care of you all if need be.

Alas, as you sat there lost in thought, you heard the cries of your daughter once again as you went into the vardo, gently cradling her to you as you carried her outside into the cool night air, the sound of the crackling fire and water rushing nearby helping her fall asleep once again as you bounced her around lightly.

“It’s okay sweetheart. He’ll be home soon.” You reassured her. Knowing he’d never ever leave you sleeping alone, unless it was something serious.

---

“Johnny, before you go, we’ll be stopping by tomorrow. We need to make sure you all are ready.” Thomas said as Johnny walked away from the table.

“Alright, I’ll see ya there then lads. Goodnight.” He said, tipping his hat and walking off towards the horse he’d ridden in on. Quickly riding towards one of the flower fields nearby to pick some for you. He knew they wouldn’t make up for him being late, but he knew they’d at least bring a smile to the face he loved so much.

---

You sat wide-awake with your sleeping daughter against your chest, your nightgown covered by the thick blanket you’d draped over you and the baby. Her soft coos and little snores bringing a smile to your face as you kissed the top of her head. Your stomach still hurting with some efforts as you shifted in your seat. She’d only been about 4 months old, so both you and her were adjusting to the whole life thing with each other.

As you sat there naming the constellations to yourself as you gazed at the stars, you heard the familiar horse hooves pounding on the ground near the vardo. Johnny’s giddy whistle making your daughter rustle around in your arms as she knew he was home.

“Shhh, she’s sleeping.” You said quietly as he walked over ever-so carefully to kiss you, his lips soft against yours as he lingered on them for a moment, taking you in.

“I wanted to get here earlier, with the baby and everything but uh...Tommy got in the way again.” He said, grabbing the flowers he’d picked earlier.

“Are these for me?” You asked, grasping them with your free hand.

“Mhmm. Picked them me-self. Thought you’d like some after a hard days work caring for the kids. And uh, since I’ve been gone so long ya know?” He said, nervously rubbing his hand on the back of his neck.

“I love you Johnny Dogs. You romantic devil.” You said with a smirk as you kissed him once more.

“Now tell me love, what’s got you on your toes?” You asked, knowing his body language more than your own at this point.

“They’re coming here, to make sure everything’s ready for the big mission.” He said.

“Christ....do we need to stay in? It’ll be hard with this one crying.” You said, looking down at the sleeping bundle in your arms.

“No...I...I want you to meet them. They’re coming tomorrow mornin’.” He said.

“I see....well I’ll make sure to get up and make sure the kids meet them too. Couldn’t hurt right?” She asked.

“It could soften the blow I suppose.” He said, grabbing the last of the food that was still warm over the fire.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” She asked.

“They’ll take one look at you and drool. You don’t think I see it every time we go outside the camp? You’re bloody gorgeous and you’ve gone and married a fool like me?” He said half-jokingly. His self-deprecating humor hurting your heart.

“They can say what they want, but you’ll always be the man for me Johnny. I wouldn’t have you any other way. You were the first man I’ve ever loved.” You said, remembering how despite your looks, you’d never had the luck of relationships on your side, thinking all hope was lost until that day so long ago. And god were you grateful for him, even if he did talk your ear off on more than one occasion, you still loved the man to death.

“Now go tell your children a bedtime story, please love?” You asked, looking at him with puppy dog eyes that made his heart swoon. He could never say no to you.

---

The next morning, you awoke to the sound of the kids playing out by the river, the wind rustling around the vardo as you heard Johnny helping out with the baby outside.

“I’m sorry love, I was going to get up and help ya but I guess I overslept.” You said, wrapping your robe around yourself that complimented your eyes and physique exquisitely.

“You needed the beauty sleep love. Besides, you’ve done enough for me these past weeks, thought I’d do something for ya.” He said, cradling the baby in his arms as you sat near him next to the barely lit fire, the coals still hot from the night before.

Johnny took your hand in his lightly, the ring on your finger sparkling in the sunlight as you both watched your kids playing together near the river.

In the distance though, you could hear the sound of a car pulling up, your nerves getting to you as you knew it was Thomas Shelby and his brothers.

“Here we go.” You mumbled, calling your children over as the men got out of the car, the kids nearly running into them as their little legs carried them swiftly over the grass. They quietly stood behind you as Johnny handed you your baby girl, her bright eyes looking up at you as the sun hit your face flatteringly.

“Hello boys! G’morning to ya! How’s about we get this meeting done shall we?” He asked, putting his cap on.

“Who’s the lovely lady over there aye?” John asked, eyeing her with hungry eyes.

“That’s me wife. Her names Y/N.” He said, looking John in the eyes as he crossed his arms.

“Oh and who are the children with her? They can’t be yours can they? Wow Johnny boy! Didn’t know you had it in ya. How’d you snag a gem of a girl like that aye? Use any of yer charms?” Arthur said jokingly.

“They’re mine yes, and don’t worry, I did nothing of the sort. She came to me actually.” He said with a proud smug smile on his face, knowing he married one of the prettiest women near Small Heath and the bastards couldn’t do anything about it.

“Well if you have anymore questions how’s about you lot meet them then?” Johnny asked over the awkward silence, Thomas still eyeing him a bit suspiciously.

“You boys go meet them, me and Johnny have something to discuss.” Tommy said shortly.

“Oh...al-alright. Here ya go lads.” He said, leading them over to Y/N and her children, who backed behind their beautiful mother shyly.

“Hello gentlemen, I’m Y/N. Nice to meet ya.” You said, smiling brightly as their stares lingered over you. It was something you were used to, but still made you slightly uncomfortable, so you remained focused on your kids.

“You can have a seat if you’d like, we don’t mind do we loves?” You asked, patting your son on the head as he smiled.

“No it’s ok momma. I’m gonna go play.” Your daughter said, running off towards the other little kids nearby. Your son sat by you though, eyeing the men curiously.

“So these are Johnny’s kids aye? What’s your name little man?” Arthur asked, putting on his nicest smile.

“Samuel. Who are you? Why do ya have big hats on like me dad?” He asked.

The men both looked at each other and smiled.

“We’re in a...group that your fathers in. It’s for people that are nice and strong.” He said.

“Oh...” Samuel said, fiddling with his fingers as he leaned his head against your arm.

“How’d you and Johnny meet aye? Old bugger like him sure snagged a beauty for a wife.” John said.

“Oh uhm...we met by chance really. I saw him scrapping with some people by the roadside when my family were going through and I stopped to watch. He says he got caught off guard by me. He got hit right after eyeing me up.” You said with a small laugh. John and Arthur chuckled as they looked over at Johnny and Tom having a rather tense conversation.

“While our brother’s interrogating the poor man, who’s this little one and her big sister?” Arthur asked.

“This is Sarah. She’s 4 months, almost 5. Talkative little bugger just like her dad. Always babbling about somethin’ aye? And that’s Alice. She hates sitting down, always wanting to be on the go. Guess it’s in the blood.” You said, also feeling antsy as you sat there with half of your little family.

“That it is.” Arthur said, looking around the camp as Johnny’s voice rose in the distance.

“When were you going to tell me Johnny?” Thomas asked, his cigarette dangling from his lips.

“About what mate? Bout me cookin’ and leaving yesterday or bout me family?” He asked.

“About your family, Johnny. You’re like family to us you know. How could you not tell us?” He asked loudly.

“You should know! The bloody line of work we’re in! God knows I’m not bringing them into that ‘ere.” He said a bit louder than Thomas expected, causing the others to look over.

“But why hide something like this Johnny? Not because of the way of our work but why hide it until now aye?” He asked.

Johnny thought for a moment, leaning against the tree near the river.

“Because Tom. I knew you’d all take one look at her and wonder why she’s wit’ a man like me. Ya know I’m not the nicest looking man ‘ere. Somehow how Tom...somehow she loves me and I wanted ya to see why I had to leave yesterday. It’s not just me I’m thinkin’ bout anymore.” He said.

“That why you’ve been yelling at work? Being short with everyone?” Thomas asked.

“Yeah Tom, yeah. Just...please don’t drag them into this.” He said, looking over at his wife who was managing pretty well despite John practically drooling.

“Well now that that’s cleared up how about you introduce me to them aye?” Thomas said, patting him on the shoulder and walking past him.

“I fucking guess. C’mon.” He said walking quickly ahead of his friend as Y/N smiled upon their arrival. His heart skipping a beat at the sight of it.

“Y/N, love, I want ya to meet-“ He said before you cut him off. Eyeing the man who’d put your family in risky circumstances long ago.

“Thomas Shelby. Yeah...I know. Nice to see you in person.” You said, shaking his hand roughly and with a more colder glance than you’d had given his other brothers. You knew Thomas orchestrated everything within the blinders, so he was often the one blamed when things went south, and you had no problem casting the blame on him when Johnny would come home half conscious and bleeding, or limping with a bullet wound or two.

“Pleasure’s all mine Y/N. How’s the family?” He asked, sitting beside Johnny around the bonfire that was slowly burning out.

“Good now that their father is back. This little one is Sarah, the wild one over there is Alice, and our boy here is Samuel.” You said, pointing with your free hand to your small crew of children.

“Aye, so he tells me you met by chance. How in the hell did this man meet a woman like you?” He asked.

You looked down slightly at your daughter who was surprisingly sleeping soundly, her small mass of hair on her head coming in as dark as her fathers.

“I told your brothers already but, uh we met when I was traveling with me family. Saw him scrapping with some other men from nearby, I guess ya locked eyes long enough with me that they knocked you out aye love?” You said lightly punching Johnny’s shoulder.

“Aye they did. Couldn’t stop bloody lookin’ at ya. I mean seriously boys. Isn’t she a beauty? I’m a lucky man. A lucky lucky man.” He said, lighting a cigar as you smiled and put your free hand on his. It was rough from years of work, but as warm as the hugs he gave. He was home to you, no matter where you all went, he was the one constant thing you longed for, knowing in your heart he was yours forever.

Johnny Dogs Tag List:

@flysafepapi, @gaytommyshelby, @ta-ka-shi-ma

If you’d like to be added/removed, just send me an ask/message. :)

[txemrn]

Book: Queen B

Word count: 1000 (+/-)

Prompts Used: baby batter; rod; pubic hair;fun bags; interruption by friends/professor

Music Inspo: "Goodbye Horses" by Q Lazzarus

Warning: NSFW; this is fairly cringe (even for me!); mentions of human captivity, sociopathic behavior; language

AN: Happy Queen B Book 2 Release Day! I can't think of a better way to celebrate today AND Week 3 of @smut-tember than by sharing this monstrosity of garbage! This is a strange rewrite of that infamous chapter 9 (with some extra characters lol). As always, characters and some of the plot belong to our friends at Pixelberry! This chapter is straight-up inspired by one of my favorite movies. 🐑

------aaaaaaaaaaaa

Watching an anxious Carter pace a hole in the rug, Zoey bounces her knee incessantly while Taylor chews on her perfectly manicured thumb nail. This wasn’t like Bea. She hadn’t been back to their immaculate dorm room at Belvoire in almost three days.  Her clothes were still perfectly hung in the closet; none of her new fancy bags were misplaced. Unfortunately, her cell phone went straight to voicemail.  Terrified that something bad happened, Zoey decided to pull out the big guns.

Hearing a stern knock, Carter opens the front door. “Good evening, Professor Kingsley.” He bounds into the living quarters, a pensive look on his face. He gives a nod to Zoey before leaning against the doorway.

“Have we called her parents?” he questions as he pushes up his glasses, rubbing the inner corners of his eyes.

“Yes, sir,” replies Carter, “they’re at a Corn-Shuckers convention with no cell service.”

“Damnit!” the college instructor begins to pace. “And the last time you saw her was…?”

“Almost three days ago,” Taylor tearfully answers, her voice quivering. “She was coming back here to take a nap before the Zeta’s Annual Wet Sweatpants Contest and now she-she’s--” she breaks down crying, “-missing!” she wails.

“Wait--wait--wait--” Professor Kingsley holds a hand up, placing a hand on his hip. “Did anyone see her walk into the residence hall?”  The three students perk up, their eyes widening. The professor continues, “Maybe one of the staffers saw her. Have you asked the RA?”

------

Hovering over a steaming hot plate of boiling noodles, Benji Knoll toggles through his music, clicking on his favorite Q Lazzarus song. As he hums the familiar tune, he shuffles to his mirror to admire a picture he took in the girls’ public bathroom of none other than the woman who held his heart, his delicate petunia, his bleating little lamb, his one and only honey Bea.

He removes his retainer and glasses. Opening up a deep wooden drawer, he pulls out a mannequin head with his latest sewing creation on top: a blonde wig made entirely from Bea’s pubic hair. He gently pets it, feeling the wiriness between his fingers. He brings it to his nose, inhaling deeply of it’s natural essence. Feeling his rod twitch, he looks back into the mirror, carefully placing the head piece over his skull. 

He reaches back into the deep drawer, pulling out a purple perfume bottle. Beas perfume. Gently squeezing the atomizer, he spritzes the skeezy smell of cotton candy mixed with chlamydia. As droplets rain down on his face, he smiles in euphoric delight.

He reaches back into his drawer, and pulls out a red lacy bra. As his fingers trace across the intricate stitching, he begins to pant hungrily, knowing that this fabric once grazed her bare naked body. As his heart begins to race, he rips off his hoodie, and hooks on the bra.  His eyes roll back in ecstasy as he squeezes the empty cups, pretending Bea’s fun bags were bouncing inside of them. 

As his humble chode strengthens, he grabs a ChapStick once used by Bea. He begins to smear it across his lips, swirling the cherry flavor around and around until his cock erects to it’s full three-inch potential. As he continues to put on the lip balm, he starts to sway his hips to the music, turning his attention to the mirror.

“Would you fuck me?” he growls at his reflection. “I’d fuck me. I’d fuck me hard.” With one more swipe of the gloss, his voice darkens. “I’d fuck me so hard.”

Suddenly, a timer chimes; his noodles are ready.  He brings the hot pasta with him into his darkened closet. From his pocket, he pulls out matches, igniting them to light candles.

He makes haste, meticulously applying the spaghetti to his most recent creation, his adoration station, a relic of his undying passion for Bea Hughes. As the spaghetti takes form, Benji falls to his knees. His breath hitches in his chest in sovereign awe. The homage to his mincemeat pie, to his precious Creamsicle, to his fuzzy wuzzy bear was complete, taking the mold, the very liking to Bea’s appearance.

"She--she's complete," he chokes out, his eyes smoldering with desire. He wants to take it right then and there, but that's not enough for Benji. 

He crawls over to a giant pit in the ground that he created for this exact moment. The dorm, more specifically his room, was built on top of an old, dried-up well. It was shallow enough for someone to fall in without getting too terribly hurt. But, they wouldn't be able to get out on their own.

Benji looks over the side. "Bea baby? My little kumquat--?"

A female figure begins to rustle at the bottom of the pit, groaning in pain.

"Bea? Wake up," he singsongs, "I have something to show you."

------

Professor Kingsley, Zoey, Carter and Taylor make their way downstairs to the head resident advisor's quarters where they proceed to bang on his front door. No answer. 

"He's not here," states Taylor.

Zoey scrunches her face. "That weirdo is always here."

Carter presses his ear to the door. "She's right! I hear music! And--" he listens closely, "-- someone's screaming--"

"Bea?" Taylor yelps. 

Professor Kingsley knocks again, this time ramming his shoulder into the door. Hearing the wood give under strength, he tackles the door again, only this time, it busts open.

They pour into the room, searching for Bea. They hear strange, noises coming from the closet. Giving each other one last nervous glance, Carter opens the door.

"Oh dear God," gasps Zoey as Taylor quickly shields her eyes. Carter stifles a laugh while the professor gives a disgusted, yet curiously look.

There was Benji, finally getting what he always wanted. Well, sorta. With sweat pouring down his brow and fueled by his captives shrieks for help, he thrusts one last time into the licorice mouth of his beloved Bea shrine before spilling his baby batter all over her mashed-potato face.

******

@ao719 , @bebepac @burnsoslow @charlotteg234 @chemist-ana​ @dcbbw​ @kat-tia801 @socalwriterbee @neotericthemis

[marley-manson]

hawkeye but if someone already asked him klinger pls

I'll do both!

send me a character and i’ll list:

favorite thing about them

Hawkeye:

The gay jokes honestly. I love everything about him, I mean I just wrote meta the other day about Hawkeye and death as a theme lol, but let's be real here I literally only started watching Mash for Hawkeye's gay flirting. Everything else is just an awesome bonus.

Though also to expand on that it helps that Hawkeye is literally like the exact type of character who is incredibly easy to read as bi because of it. Like, if most other character types made nonstop jokes about wanting to fuck dudes in the military in the 1950s I would actively take it as evidence that they're straight. But Hawkeye? Whose 2 major character attributes are: making jokes as a way of communicating his feelings and antagonzing the military by flaunting his non-military traits with very little concern for potential discharges? Come on.

Klinger:

How genuinely into crossdressing he gets. How much work he puts into his wardrobe, how he starts caring about fashion, becomes pro at tailoring, the scene where he talks about it with Sidney and Sidney tells him it's cool, giving Margaret his wedding dress... even later on I love that he keeps wearing the fur coat and pink housecoat even when he otherwise stops crossdressing.

There's a lot worth saying about how at the core it's a dude in a dress joke and transphobic implications of his character in general and some moments in particular, but like, for the most part the vibes with Klinger are exactly what I want when it comes to gnc characters, particularly for the time, intent schmement. It's fun as hell.

least favorite thing about them

Hawkeye:

file not found. I don’t even really wanna say the misogyny, because I consider that more a writing flaw of the early seasons that the show just ended up pinning on Hawkeye because everyone else (aside from women’s showers peeker Radar which got conveniently forgotten about) was gone by the time they went feminist.

Actually wait no I do have something: the bootlicking lol. In later seasons when the show gets more pro military sometimes, there are episodes where Hawkeye just goes along with dumb military shit and seems to try his best to fulfill his role as a captain, and I fucking hate to see it. For an example, Promotion Commotion. Or say, Morale Victory where, in contrast to earlier seasons where he was very reasonable and apologetic in not granting Klinger a discharge on the rare occasion he had the power bc it would fuck him over if he did, in this he's annoyed about Klinger just wanting a 3 day pass.

I got headcanons to explain this, I think you can argue it does make sense for Hawkeye as a character who is so dependent on his relationships with other people to lose his defiant edge when his friends are now Potter, Margaret, B “stop trying to change things you can’t change” J, and even Klinger has succumbed. But it's not a good look for the show bc my headcanons aren't canon.

Klinger:

Does Klinger even have flaws? I guess the fact that he's into commitment before sex according to Ain't Love Grand, because I would like to think he and Trapper fucked once or twice but that makes it difficult lol.

favorite line

Hawkeye:

HOW can I possibly choose one?

The carry a gun rant, I guess, it's iconic for a reason. But I'm also slightly obsessed with how impossible it is to read "You [married]?" "Somebody's gonna have to get me pregnant first," as anything but a not at all veiled come on.

Klinger:

Every time he bitches to himself in Arabic.

brOTP

Hawkeye and Margaret. I love them, I love them, I really truly love them. I love that they’re not romantically interested and not even BFFs, they have very little in common, they don’t really even like each other as people, and I don’t think they’re likely to remain close after the war, and yet despite all that they fill this really personal, emotional niche for each other where they’re each others’ go-to emotional support. It’s really interesting and unique imo.

Also I love when they get protective of each other. Margaret stepping between MP and Hawkeye in Peace on Us, Hawkeye shielding her in Aid Station, Margaret physically pulling Hawkeye out of danger in Comrades in Arms, Hawkeye distracting her with twenty questions in CAVE, etc.

Klinger:

Klinger and literally everyone except Potter, but I guess I'll go with Klinger and Hawkeye, especially in the early - mid seasons. They have this vibe of like, not quite clicking interpersonally, but still being like, allies? The way when BJ and Potter replace Henry and Trapper Hawkeye seems to turn to Klinger more often for a while (probably a result of Jamie Farr joining the main cast and the writers needing to find ways to incorporate him, but it fits really well). The way Klinger is the only one comfortable chatting with Hawkeye in the finale phone scene. Hawkeye telling Klinger to wear a slip under his uniform when he gets psychosomatic hives, "Klinger it's us, you don't have to pretend with me," Klinger having Hawkeye and Trapper's section 8 signatures on standby in the first few seasons, Klinger trading his food from home for a magazine about Maine for Hawkeye... there's just a lot of good stuff there despite Hawkeye being a dick sometimes.

OTP

Hawkeye:

I don’t feel like I have an otp for Hawkeye because I want him to fuck basically every dude he interacts with aside from Radar, including original characters, but if one ship beats out the others slightly it’s Hawkeye/Trapper. They’re not all that interesting, but they have great chemistry, they’re a ton of fun, and while Hawkeye is a character who's fun to torture, ultimately I'd still like him to live happily ever after with the kind of dude who would ride on the side of a helicopter just to pick up an order of ribs with him.

Klinger:

I don't have an otp for Klinger either, but I've got no beef with his canon romance with Soon Lee and I think it's thematically appropriate and kind of cute, especially if I'm headcanoning Klinger as some flavour of gq, which I generally am. I got on board when she said she wanted to see him in a dress.

nOTP

Hawkeye:

Hawkeye/a woman. I see him as bi but that doesn't mean I want to read about him in a relationship with a woman. Not even an ot3 thing. If I have to pick specifics, I'll go with 2: Hawkeye/Margaret, they are perfect as friends but their relationship is ruined for me the instant it turns romantic.

And Hawkeye/BJ/Peggy. My thoughts on poly irl are whatever, I've been in open relationships and had fun, I have poly friends, it's cool and great for some people. My thoughts on poly in fiction are I inevitably get angry on behalf of at least one of them, and I'm only interested if the relationship crashes and burns in an epic way. I can get into a ship having occasional threesomes, but that's about it.

Also like, I don't think it's ooc for Hawkeye at all, I just don't want it, but tbh I do think it's ooc for BJ lol, he'd be the weak link that would cause a three way divorce there. Without a novel's worth of character development I cannot imagine him being emotionally mature enough for poly.

Klinger:

I got nothin. I'm open to pretty much every Klinger ship I've seen someone mention. I guess maybe I'll say Klinger/Hawkeye, because in contrast to most dudes they interact with, and kind of ironically lol, I mostly get the vibe that he and Hawkeye have 0 interest in each other sexually.

random headcanon

Hawkeye:

The reason the gay jokes dried up so hard in the later seasons is that something happened. BJ caught Hawkeye with someone and made things awkward, they made out and made things awkward, maybe Hawkeye got investigated, whatever, but I need to invent a reason for it. Also the nice thing about the first two is it adds an interesting layer to BJ's jokes persisting.

Klinger:

Opens a dress shop back in the states eventually, which lowkey ends up a favourite of drag queens and trans women. It's what's gotta happen.

unpopular opinion

Hawkeye:

I guess at least in this era of fandom my unpopular opinion is that he and BJ would make a terrible couple. I think they're lowkey in love with each other bc it's a fun way to watch the show but I think they would be a disaster if they actually got together.

Klinger:

I view him dropping the dodge attempts as a tragedy and I hate that he gets promoted.

song i associate with them

Hawkeye: idk lol. let's say Mutiny, I Promise You - The New Pornographers

Klinger: i wracked my brain for something more original but I had to give up and go with Draft Dodger Rag - Phil Ochs

favorite picture of them

I’m changing this to like... visual moment in time. I don’t have favourite pictures.

Hawkeye:

For some reason my first instinct is to say Hawkeye coming off 30+ hours of surgery, exhausted and extremely keyed up, and walking on the furniture and juggling BJ’s socks in Ain’t Love Grand. Idk there are a million more iconic moments but that’s just quintessential Hawkeye to me.

But also as a bonus, the way he disgustedly picks up a gun between thumb and forefinger like it's a dead rat in a few episodes, like Deal Me Out iirc.

Klinger:

The statue of liberty shot at the end of Big Mac had me in tears. Iconic.