#they’re insane for starting at 7am with a LIVE SHOW

[raggedy-spaceman]

Neil behind the camera all day tomorrow

[colealexart]

story time! i met the cr cast this past weekend at mcm london and they were the kindest people imaginable, but my interaction with laura and marisha was just. incomprehensibly sweet and the best thing to ever happen to me.

first up was laura. my friends izzy (@wvearp) and abby (@overnighttosunflowers) went before me in the queue and they got my art signed by her. when they did, she said “oh, best art” and they told her that they were here with the artist. she immediately was like “what?! where?!” and started looking around frantically. i was standing just to the side and i waved awkwardly and she was like “NO WAY! YOU!! i favourite this shit on twitter ALL THE TIME!” which i find hilarious because yeah, i freak out a little every time she does.

when it got to my turn, i said hello and asked her how she was doing. she did not answer my question and instead said “cole, are you kidding me? these are gorgeous” about the two prints i handed to her. (the one pictured and a different one i got signed.) she said she remembers seeing this after the episode aired and i was like “yeah, it airs at 3am here so i drew this in a frantic, sleep deprived stupor at 7am” and she said “you did it so fast, i remember! i sent it to marisha! people are SO QUICK with the fanart, you guys are insane.”

after she signed the print, she held onto it for a moment and just sat and admired it, before looking at me with the BIGGEST smile and saying “you are seriously the best. thank you.” and i don’t know how to handle sincerity so i handed her the dice i got for her. she was so excited about them and immediately rolled the d20 and got a 10 (edit: i misremembered, she got a 3 lol). i then asked if we could play rollies and she beat me. i got a 5 and laura got a 7. i said i’m sorry they’re not rolling well and she was like “it’s fine, they just need charging up!”

i also got a selfie too, but the guy helping her at the table took the photo for us instead of me trying to take it because i suck at taking selfies. she gave me a really tight side hug and when it was done, she thanked me again with the biggest smile.

i also didnt realize until afterwards but instead of writing a character quote, laura wrote “you are everything” on my autograph 😭

next was the group photo op. as we walked up i said hi again to laura and she immediately recognized me from before. she grabbed onto my shoulders and literally spun me around to marisha and was frantically saying “marisha marisha, this is the person that does the amazing imodna art!” but there was a lot going on and marisha was looking at me with the most bewildered expression, until she eventually understood what laura was saying but we had to rush to take the photo. laura held onto my arm and marisha leaned against me and i didn’t realize until afterwards but liam and tal also had their hands on my shoulders lol. it was A Lot. i told marisha i would probably be heading to her autograph queue next so i’d see her there and she was like “awesome, i cant wait!”

so after that, i met marisha. i was probably the most nervous to meet her because she’s just so cool and intimidating but in reality she is just so warm and has such a calming presence about her. she was like “cole, good to see you again!” and i handed her the same imodna print that i had laura sign. she said “ohh, aww this is amazing! this is what laura was talking about, i was so confused!”

then we talked a bit about the live show because her voice was hoarse and i asked her how she was feeling. she said it was just her voice that was gone, but we agreed that it was absolutely worth it because the live show was incredible. i also congratulated her on the how do you wanna do this, then gave her the dice i got for her and we played rollies too. we both got an 18 at first and when we rerolled, she beat me with another 18 to my 16. then she was like “oh these roll really well, i’m definitely gonna use these!”

we took our photo together and afterwards she said “thank you for your art and everything. seriously, you’re so talented” while rubbing my shoulder, and then i headed off to join ashley’s queue.

i’m probably gonna make a separate post about meeting ashley and sam. i just wanted to write this down mostly to immortalize on my blog. i expected them to be kind but i did NOT expect to feel so loved and appreciated. laura was about as excited as i was, and made me feel so special. (this is also a pretty small thing but i dont think i pass very well, so the fact that laura said ‘person’ and didn’t misgender me meant a hell of a lot too.)

i did bring extra prints to give to them as a gift but was overwhelmed and forgot lol

anyway, that’s it! for anyone wondering if the critical role cast are as kind in person as they seem online, they absolutely are and then some. i’ll never forget this past week.

[ladyloptr]

•Part-Time•

Request: twt@LUSTFORLOKI. To sum up this one, Reader is a college student who took a part-time job in the Avengers tower as a sort of housekeeper/maid/butler. Steve, for all of his self-righteousness, doesn’t know how to treat a housekeeper/maid properly in the 21st century. Thankfully, Loki shows up, and as usual, has a plan for everything. (I’m such a Steve-anti. Poor Steve.)Lots of angst, some fluff.

Fandom: MCU AU

Pairing: Loki x College!Reader.

Warnings: Angst, Abuse, Violence. OOC Steve, Major Steve bashing, so any Steve-stans, please look away.

{————}

You need this job.

That’s the only reason why you’re here, and why you tolerate some of the insanity that you’re forced to endure.

You saw the advertisement on the internet, it was hard to miss. Big, bright and attention grabbing, just like your employer, Tony Stark. He was looking for a butler basically, but also sort of a housekeeper. Someone to help keep the tower in order, but also to help the Avengers if they ever needed anything.

Surprisingly, for all of his melodrama, egotism and childishness, Tony Stark is a great boss, and his wife, Pepper, is an even better boss. They’re both always pleasant to you, they pay you well, they pay you on time, they’re never rude (despite Tony’s jokes sometimes being a little-uncalled for), and they never really ask much from you.

Sure, your job is to help keep the 90-something tower “in order”, but you, interestingly enough, don’t do much cleaning. As Tony once said “I have people I pay to do all of that.” Your job is mostly centered on making sure that Tony’s physical files are organized, that the training room has all of the practice weapons properly locked up, and to make sure that the kitchen and main lounge/living room isn’t a hot-mess-express.

So, the only thing you really ever have to clean up is the kitchen, and on occasion, the living room. The Avengers don’t typically leave behind much of a mess.

Really, the insanity isn’t Tony, or Pepper, or cleaning, or the pay, it’s helping the Avengers when they “need something”.

Oh-correction. The insanity is helping Steve Rogers when he “needs something”.

The Avengers are all grown ass adult superheroes (minus Peter), and you’re a college student taking a part-time job so that you can take care of yourself. Most of them find it uncomfortable to ask you to do meager things for them, so they mostly ignore you, and do things for themselves like functional members of society.

Except for Steve Rogers.

You are unsure of what you did, but the moment you started working here, he’s been nothing but cold and mean to you. He asks you to bring him a drink, to bring him a snack, to bring him a napkin, to bring him his breakfast, lunch and dinner. It’s gotten ridiculous. He’ll even ask you to make sure his bedroom is neat after he wakes up, and to make sure his bathroom is cleaned every few days.

This is behavior you expected from the Asgardian princes, Thor and Loki, but definitely not from Captain fucking America.

Then again, as Captain America, perhaps his behavior rightfully represents what a lot of Americans are; entitled.

(I’m American also, lol, no hate plz.)

He’s nothing like what he was supposed to be. On camera he was gentlemanly, kindhearted and appreciative. It was a shock to you when you found that Loki, of all the people in the tower, acts more like Captain America, than Captain America.

Which was truly bewildering to you at first. Just think about it for a moment...

The guy who tried to take over the whole world and enslave mankind is the one who greets you with a smile everyday, and offers to make you tea on Saturday and Sunday mornings (which are the only mornings you can work-you got those 7am college classes, RIP). He even helps you with your studies, homework and college essays if you find yourself falling behind. It took some time to get used to his kind gestures, which sometimes bewildered even Thor at times.

While Loki got familiar with you, your relationship with Steve Rogers, on the other hand, ended up only getting worse.

It turned abusive, sometimes violent, and the only reason you never went to Tony is because you know that the two are close friends and coworkers. You could go to the other Avengers, but you’re sure that their relationship to Steve is similar, as well.

Bucky Barnes is another person you know is close with Steve. Those two go way back-before you were even born.

One day, you were careless in leaving your house. It was a Saturday morning, you were tired and you hadn’t noticed that both of your arms had begun to bruise from Steve’s super soldier strength.

He had hit you a few times in anger yesterday. You can’t really recall why.

“What are those on your arms?” Loki asks, within seconds of seeing you. “What’s happened?”

“Nothing.” You say.

“I’m The God of Lies, my dear, you’ll have to do better than that.” Loki says, looking over your arms, carefully. “Is someone harming you?”

“No. I fell.”

“Try again.” Loki challenges, looking up at you sternly.

“I’m fine.”

“Who is harming you?” He asks, narrowing his eyes. “Is it someone in here?”

“Loki...”

“Is it an Avenger?”

Loki catches the subtle change in your eyes, the spark of fear that lit up when he asked whether or not it was an Avenger.

He growls. “Who is it?”

“Loki, please, I don’t want to talk about it.” You plead, getting rather uncomfortable now. “Can we just... play chess or something?”

Loki frowns at you for a while, before sighing in defeat. “Fine, alright.”

He doesn’t bring it up for the rest of the day.

You make sure to wear long sleeves to cover the bruises on your arms for the next couple of days, at least until the bruising goes down.

“What did I tell you about leaving my bedroom a mess?” Steve demands. “It’s a simple request. I’m not asking you to teach a dog to sing.”

Steve has decided to now confront you in an empty hallway about not tidying up his room yesterday.

“I’m sorry...” You mutter. “...Tony wanted me with him all day yesterday.”

“You couldn’t have come do it before you left? You just went home knowing my bedroom is a mess?” Steve asks, quickly getting upset.

“Tony clocked me out himself, so I was already off shift. Besides, it’s not like you can’t clean your bedroom yourself.” You answer.

Wrong answer, apparently.

He grabbed your arm and held it in a bruising grip, once again reminding you that he’s no ordinary human.

You let out a whimper and try to pull away, which proves no use. You’re not surprised when he slaps you. You’re surprised by how a super soldier serum can make a simple slap so painful. You’re even more surprised when your nose starts bleeding.

He must’ve inadvertently popped a blood vessel or something.

He raises his hand again, and you close your eyes, prepared for a punch or something worse, but it never comes. You open your eyes and see Steve looking at something behind you. You turn around and see Loki standing at the other end of the hall, his hands behind his back, an indifferent look on his face, but his eyes tell a different story.

You’ve known Loki long enough to realize that if you want to know his true emotions, you read his eyes, not his face. He’s a master at using his face to guard his true feelings.

And his eyes currently hold a barely contained storm of rage inside of them.

“I apologize for... interrupting...” Loki barely managed to keep his voice steady. “But dinner is ready, and I was wondering if (Y/N) would be joining us tonight.”

You nod, frantically. Steve releases your arm, and you rush over to Loki’s side.

“Loki Laufeyson, master of perfect timing, always ready to save the day.”

“Actually.” Loki corrects. “It’s Loki Odinson, master of sorcery, always ready to put ignorant Midgardians in their place.” He smiles a very unpleasant smile. “But yes... I suppose you’re also somewhat correct.”

“No one will believe you.” Steve says.

“Perhaps you’re correct.” Loki drones. “I am not here to hold a conversation with you, however, I am here to take (Y/N) to dinner.”

Steve snorts derisively, and walks by Loki, intentionally bumping shoulders with him.

Well, Steve was bumped, Loki didn’t move even a centimeter.

“Might want to clean her up first.” Steve says, as he retreats. “Wouldn’t want everyone to think you were beating up on her before dinner.”

Loki clenches his jaw. You look away, nervous about what he’s going to say.

You’re startled when he tilts your face up by your chin, and then slowly uses his seidr to heal any damage Steve has dealt you, including the bruises on your arms. He checks you over multiple times, making sure you aren’t still hurt.

Once he’s finished, he takes both of your hands and makes eye contact with you. He’s still upset, but the anger has tapered down to a manageable level.

“How did you know he was hurting me just now?” You ask, in a hushed tone.

“The same day I inquired about your bruises, I forged a... connection of sorts.” Loki explains. “Today, I felt that you were in danger, so I went looking for you. I have a similar connection with Thor, otherwise that oaf would’ve perished long ago.”

You nod, it makes sense, somewhat. You blush as he kisses your cheek and then your forehead.

“I am sorry.” Loki squeezes your hands, gently. “I wish I had noticed earlier. I would’ve killed him in that moment, would it not result in me being casted back to Asgard. The last thing I want, is for you to be left here to deal with all of this on your own.”

“Well... there’s nothing we can do about it now...” You murmur.

“I believe that to be untrue...” Loki’s eyes slowly shift up to the security cameras. “...Rogers appears to have forgotten about the many eyes this tower has.”

Your eyes widen. “The security cameras...!”

Loki smirks. “Stark will review the footage if you ask him to. I could accompany you to his lab tonight after dinner, if you so wish.”

“Yes, I’d love that.” You wrap your arms around Loki as tight as you possibly can. “Thank you!”

“You’re most certainly welcome.” Loki chuckles. “Time to cook up a scandal...”

A/N: SORRY STEVE STANS, I TAKE ALL REQUESTS, NO REQUESTS LEFT BEHIND.

Also, I wrote this while struggling with depression (it’s been two weeks, and it seems to not be improving, and this crap can last as long as a couple of months, so I wrote it anyway. Better than waiting a few months to finally get on this), and I’m not sure if y’all have noticed, but my storytelling feels weird in this one. My ability to produce a thorough, flowing storyline appears to be sort of hindered right now. I’ll try to update it if I can.

[d0llpie]

Tendou x Reader

Part 1  Part 2  Part 3  Part 4  Part 5

Warnings: angst, mentions of insecurity, self harm (not explicit), sexual assault, ooc ushijima and smut, please let me know if i missed anything

Word count: 3k 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You sat up in bed and rushed to grab your phone beside you, it was only 7am you had plenty of time to get ready for your first day at Shiratorizawa. It was weird living in the Shiratorizawa dorms, you were so used to being at home and seeing your brother, Asahi every day. You came to stay at the dorms a week before school started to get a feel for the campus and to move in properly. You were entering your 2nd year after having to move away from Karasuno due to your brother moving out and your mum not being able to afford to have you live with her.

One week prior : 

Tendou had been stuck at the shiratorizawa dorms all winter since his mum had to attend a business seminar in Tokyo, an often occurrence, and didn't trust him alone in the house for the entire break. He was walking around the empty dorm hallways reading shounen jump when he saw a (h/c) girl struggling with a large bag and a tall man with long brown hair behind her. He watched silently as her (h/l) (h/c) bounced as she entered a room several doors down from where he stood. He didn't even notice the older boys eyes on him his hesitantly, he was too focused on you, he watched as you dragged your bags into the room and felt pulled to help you. His thoughts raced and he didn't want to scare you or confront the taller male behind you, so he turned around and decided to go back to his dorm room. 

Asahi watched him this whole time and wondered if you had noticed, you had but only out of the corner of your eye. You saw a tall slender figure topped with fiery red hair that stood up. You felt pulled to him and you turned to smile at him but when you did you saw him walking away. Your smile dropped but you brushed it off and continued moving into your dorm. 

"uhhh y/n...who was that?" asahi asked as he carried in your heavier boxes 

"not sure, i didn't think there would be other students here so early" you replied not giving it much thought 

"he seemed to be watching you, do you want me to stay here with you?" asahi asked, concern and anxiety written all over his face 

"no i'm sure it's fine, it wouldn't hurt for me to make a friend here before school starts" you said reassuringly 

"hmm okay, make sure to text me often and you know you can always come stay with me on weekends and holidays" asahi said sweetly. You nodded in reply and continued unloading your desk items.

After you had finally moved in you sighed and plopped back on your bed, Asahi chuckled at this and patted your head. 

"Asahi, what if i don't make any friends" you huffed out, half sarcastically knowing he'd be able to cheer you up

"Y/n, of course you will, anyone who gets to know you will love you, and you can join the volleyball team and you'll make friends with all your team mates within no time" he said as kindly as possible 

"Thanks Asahi" you smiled 

After you settled in and Asahi had said goodbye you got out your laptop and watched some anime before dinner. 

Over the next week you rarely left your dorm room despite needing to check out the campus, you felt comfortable with the dormitory building and occasionally saw the red head from moving day, he glanced away whenever your eyes met and you started to wonder why. You smiled at him a few times but he didn't return the gesture and it was starting to worry you. You needed to make at least one friend and you were determined to at least learn the name of the red head who kept stealing glances at you. 

The day before school started came and you were wandering the halls as some students arrived at their dorms, you once again made eye contact and instead of looking away you smiled and began to approach him, you noticed him glance behind him and you smiled at his reaction. He turned back towards you and as you approached you noticed his eyes, they were red and intense but drooped, giving him a tired look, 'cute' you thought. 

Tendou's POV: 

'shit shit shit, did i stare at her too much?' he cursed at himself internally. As you approached he noticed your (e/c) eyes and how they looked at him innocently, something he wasn't used to. Whenever he was on the court his opponents eyes showed fear and defeat, he thrived on that feeling but your eyes, eyes that showed the opposite, gave him a feeling of power, different to that of his opponents. He wondered what it was that you were thinking, he noticed you were new and he figured you were settling in early and would attempt to make friends today, he didn't guess he would be someone you be interested in befriending. 

His history with girls was nothing but disappointing, on the off chance he found a girl who didn't judge him for his reputation and looks, they ended up being interested in his stoic best friend, ushijima. He was used to this happening now and hadn't spoken to anyone in a while so he was nervous to see you approaching him so casually. 

"Hi, i'm y/n...i just moved here from karasuno high" she said brightly, a slight blush dusted her cheeks 

'cute' he thought, but quickly shook the thought away not wanting to have expectations that would inevitably be crushed. He realised he hadn't answered and scratched the back of his neck before replying 

"Hi y/n, i'm Tendou Satori, i'm a 3rd year" he smiled at the small girl in front of him as he became aware at their obvious height difference.

"Oh wow, and do you stay at the dorms all the time?" she said lightly, giving a warm smile. 

"Oh you noticed, i'm sorry i didn't introduce myself earlier, i don't usually stay here over breaks but i wasn't allowed to be at home by myself for the whole break, my mum didn't trust me" he chuckled lightly but could feel his face heating up at the awkwardness. 

The small girl laughed in return which eased his anxiousness, she looked up at him and inquired "Would you mind showing me where the gym is? I plan on joining the volleyball club but this school is huge" her eyes lit up as she noticed your obvious shock 

"You play volleyball?" he half shouted excitedly, earning a small laugh from y/n

"Yep, i'm a libero but i'm not sure if i want to play or be the manager, i guess i'll decide over the next few weeks" she stated happily, "Do you play?" she added on

"Yeah, i'm the middle blocker for the boys team" He said smiling 

"Oh yeah, i heard you guys have an amazing team, Ushijima is the ace right?" his smile dropped as you mentioned Ushijima, he wasn't surprised but he was slightly disappointed at your obvious interest 

"Uh..Yeah hes our ace" he said lightly 

"I thought so, my brother really wants to beat him, he's the ace of karasuno!" she said proudly and as he looked into your eyes he realised you weren't asking out of personal interest and he smiled at the thought. 

After you chatted some more he realised it was getting late and more students would be coming in to settle before school tomorrow 

"Well i'll see you tomorrow y/n" he said peering down at the small girl in front of him 

She smiled warmly and nodded, the same blush from earlier dusting her cheeks and he loved seeing how cute it made you look, he shook the thought away again as you walked back to your dorm, it would be amazing to simply have you as a friend and he didn't need anything more, so why did he keep hoping it was him that was making you blush? He went back to reading shounen jump on his bed to take his mind off of you. 

Back to current time

You went to the bathroom and washed your face and put on your new uniform, the skirt and blazer fitted you well and you felt comfortable, you hoped to run into Tendou again seeming he was the only person you knew. As you finished getting ready you realised you still had tonnes of time but you decided to leave early so you could get to see where your classes were. As you left your dorm room you saw someone leave the boys bathroom with a towel around their neck, some sweatpants and a loose tee. You recognised the familiar bright red hair but it was now down, damp and dripping onto Tendous face as he turned to meet your eyes. You blushed seeing his toned arms and the way his damp hair framed his face, he noticed this and smirked before giving you a small wave and entering his dorm room. 

You continued walking to class feeling embarrassed at your childish reaction and pushed the thought out of your mind for the day. 

Classes finished and you sighed happily knowing it was time for Volleyball, you grabbed your other uniform from your locker and changed into it before you headed towards the gym. A familiar red head caught your eye as you turned to see Tendou half running to catch up to you with a smile on his face. You smiled back at him and waited for him to catch up to you

"Hey, i told you i'd see you today, c'mon i'll walk you to the gym" he said confidently with a smirk 

"Thanks" you smiled back returning the gesture

Practise went well with the girls team but every so often you'd look across to the other court after hearing the ball slam down and you'd notice Tendou's eyes as he stared down the spiked whos ball he just killed. His eyes were filled with pride and he almost looked insane, you were impressed by his skill and he noticed you staring after a while and began to meet your eyes after each kill block. 

After practise you changed back into your uniform and left the locker room to see Tendou against the wall waiting for you. 

"Hey tendou what's up?" you asked 

"Not much, i saw your receives, they're impressive" he complimented looking into your eyes 

"Thanks, your kills were incredible, you even blocked one of Ushijimas spikes" you returned the compliment not realising his expression change at the mention of you noticing Ushijimas spikes 

"Yeah thanks" he muttered trying to sound normal 

You noticed his change in tone but didn't mention it, you both continued walking back to the dorms in silence.

When you arrived at the dorms you noticed the Ace of shiratorizawa, Ushijima, standing outside of Tendous dorm room. 

"Hey Wakatoshi, this is y/n" Tendou looked up at him before continuing "she's joining the girls volleyball team and just moved from Karasuno" the taller man stared at him with a blank expression before nodding his head to you, you smiled awkwardly and noticed his expression soften when you did. Tendou also noticed this and shyly turned towards you. 

"Well goodnight y/n, i'll see you tomorrow" he put a hand on your shoulder and you shivered, he noticed and pulled away quickly with a blush on his face

"Yeah, see ya" you said before nodding to Ushijima and going back to your dorm. 

After you had dinner you decided to take a shower and watch some anime before bed. Lying in bed you thought about your day, you hadn't made any friends in your classes but the volleyball girls were all really welcoming, which you appreciated. There was Tendou of course, Tendou. You wondered why he didn't seem to have many friends besides Ushijima, during practise you heard some say 'guess monster' after one of his kill blocks but you were too focused to pay it any thought. Maybe you'd ask him about it tomorrow when he walked you to practise. 

The next day of classes went by painfully slow, you were in class 5 and the homework was already being piled on, you assumed it would be harder than Karasuno but you definitely weren't expecting this much. During lunch as you were running past the cafeteria you noticed Tendou wasn't eating, he looked up and saw you and you exchanged a smile, he blushed lightly and you kept rushing past. 'Cute' you thought. 

Practise time finally came and this time you tried to engage more with your teammates. 

Tendous POV

He saw you talking to Miki, the girls team captain and he watched as you laughed with the team and dove for the ball. Semi noticed he was getting distracted and the setter came up to him 

"Tendou, got your eyes on someone?" he teased

"What? oh y/n? no i just met her a few days ago" he said defensively 

"Oh c'mon Tendou she was watching you pretty much all of yesterday's practice" Semi said rolling his eyes. Tendou looked at him with wide eyes, he noticed you glance over at him a few times but he didn't realise Semi could see it too. 

"Tch, she was probably watching Ushiwaka" Tendou roller his eyes and went back to practice. Semi's face softened and he stopped teasing Tendou, he knew he'd been used before to get to Ushijima and he always felt sorry for Tendou. 

After practise you put your uniform back on and walked out of the change rooms half expecting to see Tendou but he wasn't there. You said goodbye to Miki and the other girls and began to head back to the dorms, you noticed Tendou up ahead and started running to catch up. 

"Hey Tendou ! wait up" you called out and he turned to see you running towards him, he smiled 

"Hey y/n" he looked down as you started walking with him 

"So, i overheard someone call you the guess monster at practice, what's that nickname for?" you said lightly, regretting it immediately as you saw Tendous eyes widen and stare down at you 

"Oh that. Have you seen my blocks? I usually just guess where the spiker is going to hit it and my intuition which is often correct scored me the nickname" he smirked, bragging, but his eyes looked away from you. 

"Wow that's amazing, you really are an amazing blocker" you smiled warmly hoping to make him look at you. He turned to see you gazing up at him with those eyes, they didn't hold any intentions of embarrassing him with his old nickname, he'd grown used to seeing that look and was surprised to see you so happily staring at him. 

"Thanks (n/n)-chan" he grinned as he saw you blush at the nickname 

"No problem ten-chan" you grinned back cheesily. 

End of the week 

The bell rung signalling the end of the week, 'finally' you thought as you sighed at got ready for practise, Asahi was busy practicing for some training camp coming up so you'd have to stay at the dorms all weekend, you hoped Tendou would be there too so you weren't alone. You saw the tall red head waiting for you as you left the change room. He put his arm around your shoulder as you walked to the gym and you tried not to act flustered as your stomach filled with butterflies. Trying to distract yourself you asked him 

"Hey ten-chan, are you going back home this weekend?" you peered up at him 

"My mum returns on Monday and she's okay with me going home but i'll stay if you're asking me to keep you company" he smirked down at you and began laughing once he noticed the blush on your face. You poked his side and smiled at him.

After practice you were walking back with Ushijima and Tendou, you were in the middle of both of them and you noticed Ushijima watching you. You wanted to ask Tendou to hang out this weekend to get closer but you didn't want to make him uncomfortable so you figured it'd be less awkward if you invited Ushijima too. 

"Hey Ushijima, do you stay in the dorms over the weekends?" you looked up at him and felt tendou's arm around your shoulder tighten. 

"No, i'm visiting family" he said bluntly 

"Oh okay" you didn't think he'd want to hang out with you and Tendou so you kept walking silently, after a while Tendou dropped his arm and you looked up to see him looking away from you. 

Ushijima left and you and Tendou walked up the stairs to the dorms rooms 

"Hey Tendou, are you okay?" you asked

"I'm fine n/n-chan, why?" he grinned at you but you could tell something was off 

"You know you can tell me if i'm bothering you, i know you probably get sick of me following you before and after practise and i can tell Ushijima seems bothered" you looked up to see his eyes staring at you, his face looked so soft but his eyes were so intense and red. 

"What? No that's not it at all, i like hanging out with you it's just..I thought you might've been trying to get me to set you up with Ushiwaka..." he trailed off awkwardly scratching the back of his neck. You looked up at him confused, you decided to clear the air by asking him if he wanted to hang out this weekend. 

"Tendou, do you wanna go somewhere with me tomorrow?" his cheeks were dusted with a light blush as his lips curled into a smile.

"Of course y/n, where do you wanna go?" he asked peering down at you

"I was thinking about the cafe around the corner" you smiled sweetly. 

"Sure, i'll come to your dorm room tomorrow at 11am" he noticed you blush at him taking initiative and he took it as a sign, he tucked a stray piece of hair behind your ear before laughing

"Goodnight n/n-chan" he walked into his dorm room leaving you, filled with butterflies. 

That night while you were lying in bed watching anime you started to think about Tendou, you liked him and so far he was one of your only friends besides the volleyball team. You didn't know why he made you so giddy, you'd only known him a week, you didn't think you liked him like that but you were excited for the cafe tomorrow. 

Tendous POV 

He sat up in bed just thinking about you, he wanted you as a friend but he needed to keep you at a distance. He was overjoyed when you asked him to hang out just the two of you but deep down he didn't think he could trust you. He thought about avoiding you tomorrow but decided he'd just make it clear you were only friends, despite how nervous he became around you.

[bamon4bamily]

TVD 9x08 (part 2) Enjoy! =)

Cut to – A beautiful beach resort in Mexico’s Mayan Riviera. Bonnie, Damon, Caroline, and Stefan are checking in.

RECEPTION LADY: Welcome to Akumal, Mexico; the best kept Caribbean secret! (They hand them some welcome cocktails).

BONNIE: (Amazed with the tropical beauty) This place is paradise…

DAMON: (Takes a sip of his cocktail, wraps his arm around Bonnie) Me, you, and this beautiful beach, definitely paradise (kisses her).

CAROLINE: (Looking at a brochure) Bonnie, look, they have yoga on the beach, every day at 7am; I’m signing us up! And they also have a spa, we totally need some massages, how do hot stones at five sound?

DAMON: Slow down, Care Bear, no need for an itinerary; that’s the whole idea of a vacation.

BONNIE: Yes, Care, forget about time! We are free to do what we want, when we want; no plans required, that’s the beauty of it.

CAROLINE: You are right… I’m putting control freak Caroline on pause; no need to panic if there’s no schedule… right? (They laugh at Caroline’s struggle to let go) I’m just gonna let careless Caroline take over from now on… Oh! They have meditation at sundown! (Bonnie takes the brochure from her hands) Pause, I’m pausing!

STEFAN: (Who has been looking at a brochure as well) Ooh, they have a library…

DAMON: (Takes the brochure from his hands) Are you freakin kidding me?!

STEFAN: Okay, okay… pause on the bookworm play on the chill.

BELLBOY: Let me show you to your rooms.

Cut to – Mystic Falls, the Mayor’s house. Edward is lying on his bed, staring at the ceiling. Anthony knocks.

 EDWARD: Come in.

ANTHONY: Sir, I brought you some tea (gives him a cup).

EDWARD: Thank you (takes a sip). You always know exactly what I need.

ANTHONY: If I may say, Sir, I’m concerned. You haven’t left your room in days.

EDWARD: Just meditating, is all.

ANTHONY: Oh, really? So this has nothing to do with the unexpected visitor staying at your guest house?

EDWARD: I’m surprised he didn’t demand to be given my master bedroom. After all, it is his house…

ANTHONY: He might have paid for it, but it is your home, not his. I know this must be very difficult, having to see him again, let along having him under the same roof.

EDWARD: Well, I don’t even remember the last time he was around, so it’s basically like bedding a stranger.

ANTHONY: Sir, you know I don’t like to intrude in your business matters, just promise me you will be careful.

EDWARD: I will, but there is no need to worry, Anthony, I have this under control.

ANTHONY: With all due respect, Sir, you lost that control the moment you allowed him to walk through the door.

EDWARD: I appreciate your concern, but trust me, I know what I’m doing.

ANTHONY: If you say so… Well, I’ll leave you to your thoughts now; good night, Sir.

EDWARD: Good night, Anthony.

Cut to – The Salvatore School. Alaric is showing Tyler and Lexi around.

 ALARIC: So, what do you guys say?

LEXI: Never thought of myself as a teacher, but I think it could be fun, I’m in!

TYLER: Me too. Might not be the best role model, but let’s be honest, who is?

ALARIC: Great, welcome to the faculty! (Katherine walks by).

KATHERINE: So, Ric, are these my new colleagues?

LEXI: Are you kidding me?! (Looks at Alaric) Alaric?

ALARIC: Please don’t judge me, she can be very persuasive. Plus, she does have some cool tricks to teach…

TYLER: Does Caroline know?

ALARIC: Not yet.

TYLER: She’s gonna kill you.

ALARIC: I’m hoping her vacation time will ease the news.

LEXI: Oh, it totally won’t! Good luck with that.

KATHERINE: Well, I’m late for my class, and those little brats are a recipe for disaster. See you at the teacher’s lounge (winks and walks away).

Cut back to – Akumal, Mexico. Damon and Bonnie’s hotel room. Bonnie comes out of the bathroom, changed into beach attire.

DAMON: (Completely taken with her beauty) God… you are so beautiful (they kiss; things start to heat up. Bonnie takes his shirt off, he takes her beach dress off; they move on to the bed. He unties her bikini strap… someone knocks).

CAROLINE: (Standing outside the door) Hey, guys, you ready?! Let’s hit the beach!

DAMON: Oh, you have got to be kidding me! Does she not get what pause means??!!

CAROLINE: (Knocks again) Guys!! Are you there? Stefan is waiting for us, come on!

DAMON: (Shouts) Timing, Barbie, timing!!!

CAROLINE: What?! (Pauses for a bit, then it hits her) Oh, oh… yes, pause, I’m on pause; sorry!!! Take your time, we’ll meet you down there!

BONNIE: (Laughs, kisses him) Tell you what, why don’t we go down, enjoy the beach while there’s still daylight. We’ll bring this cliffhanger to its resolution when the timing is right. (Kisses him again, ties her bikini strap, gets up, puts her beach dress back on).

DAMON: (Gets up, puts his shirt on and grabs her hand, as they are walking out…) Maybe we should have told her to push the off button… (she smirks, they leave the room).

Cut to – A dorm room at the University of Munich. Elena and Sam are unpacking.

 SAM: (Takes a little black box out of one of Elena’s boxes) What’s this?

ELENA: (Takes the box, doesn’t seem to know what it is, or why it’s even there) I have no idea, I didn’t pack it, did you?

SAM: No; that’s weird… maybe it’s another gift from your friends?

ELENA: I don’t think so… (opens the box, inside is some sort of formula with a note that reads: No matter where you are, your past will always follow you…) What the hell?

SAM: Let me see (looks closely at the test tube); looks like some sort of formula? How did it get passed airport security? 

ELENA: I don’t even want to know.

SAM: We can test it out at the university lab, find out what it is.

ELENA: No, just throw it out. I moved here to get away from the insanity, I’m not about to open Pandora’s box.

SAM: Are you sure? It looks like it might be important…

ELENA: I’m sure.

SAM: (Puts the formula and note back in the black box) I’ll take care of it. So, there is an alumni cocktail tonight, want to go? I think it would be good so we can start to integrate...

ELENA: I’m still a bit jet-lagged, but I think I can handle a drink or two.  

SAM: That’s my girl (kisses her; they start to make out).

Cut to – Akumal, Mexico. Stefan and Caroline are lying on the beach. Damon and Bonnie join them.

 CAROLINE: Well, that was fast!

DAMON: Blondie, I swear...

STEFAN: What’s going on?

DAMON: Little “Miss Pause” here, won’t stop pushing play.

STEFAN: What?

BONNIE: Just forget it; let’s enjoy! I mean, look at this place, it’s gorgeous! I’m going for a swim.

DAMON: I’m coming with (grabs her hand; they head to the ocean).

STEFAN: They look so happy together...

CAROLINE: They really do, and I really need to stop with the bad timing!

STEFAN: Again?

CAROLINE: Yep. Thought inappropriate timing was a Sagittarius thing, guess it’s a Libra thing too.

STEFAN: (Laughs, then kisses her). I’m sure they’ll find the right moment. Just between us, this is the first time Damon has taken it slow; I think he might be nervous.

CAROLINE: Nervous?! Come on, this is Damon we are talking about.

STEFAN: Yes, but he has never felt like this about anyone… probably freaks him out a little bit; doesn’t want to screw it up.

CAROLINE: That’s true…  

STEFAN: Listen, sorry to change the subject but, about that thing we talked about, you never gave me an answer.

CAROLINE: I’m sorry… still processing. It’s a life-changing decision; give me some time to clear my head on it?

STEFAN: Of course… take as much time as you need. And, whatever you decide, I’m with you.  (They cuddle and enjoy the view; sometime later, Bonnie and Damon come back from their swim).

BONNIE: (A she is drying herself) The water is delicious! You guys should definitely take a dip!

CAROLINE: Bon, when have you ever seen me swim in the ocean?

BONNIE: Oh, that’s right… (teasing) your irrational fear of “the sea monsters”.

CAROLINE: Who knows what crazy things live down there?! Plus, sharks…

DAMON: Sharks, really, Blondie? They're harmless! They are more afraid of us than we are of them, and with good reason.

CAROLINE: Have you seen Jaws? … Uhm, no thanks! I’m perfectly fine right here; enjoying the beautiful view, margarita in one hand, Stefan’s hand in the other… perfection!

BONNIE: Come on, Care, dare to do something you never have. What happened to pausing the control freak? Let loose!

CAROLINE: I’m loose, I swear! Just not that loose… (they laugh; Damon and Bonnie lie down with them to enjoy the view. After a few minutes of contemplation, Caroline breaks the silence). Ahhh… This is exactly what we needed.

BONNIE: Preach!

STEFAN: (Looking at a boat that is cruising by) We should totally do that boat trip...

DAMON: One thing at a time, bro. For now… (grabs some beers from the cooler, hands one to them) Enjoy… (winks, then puts Bob Marley’s “Don’t worry be happy” on his phone. Lights up a doobie, takes a drag, and passes it around).

BONNIE: (Takes a hit, then passes to Caroline) How is this for letting loose…

CAROLINE: (Takes a drag; lets the smoke out…) My kind of pause button. (Smiles, passes it to Stefan).

STEFAN: (Takes a hit) I never did this as a human… wonder if it hits you different than when you are a vampire?

BONNIE: (She and Caroline laugh) Oh, Stefan, you’re in for quite a ride…

 Cut to – The Mayor’s house. Edward is still in his room. The Madame comes in.

THE MADAME: Darling, you can’t hide in here forever…

EDWARD: I’m not hiding, I’m thinking.

THE MADAME: About?

EDWARD: My mother, thanks to you.

THE MADAME: I’m sorry I had to do that but we really need his help if we want to get this done.

EDWARD: I’ve always known you were cruel, but you took it way too far this time.

THE MADAME: It was the only way I could get you to call him.

EDWARD: That is true, but still, cruel.

THE MADAME: Forgive me, love, it’s in our best interest to have him on our side.

EDWARD: I know… just can’t stand the sight of him.

THE MADAME: Why don’t you try to give him a chance, he might not be so bad…

EDWARD: He’s responsible for my mother’s death, both of them. Granted I never knew my biological mother; it was a miracle I even survived, but… a killer clown, really?... Sick bastard. And, as if that wasn’t enough, he ended up driving the woman he had killed the first one for, completely insane, to the point of suicide. How is that, not so bad?!

THE MADAME: Listen, he’s not my cup of tea either, but he didn’t do the things you accuse him of, I promise. If he had, I would have killed him a long time ago.

EDWARD: I thought you were on my side; how can you believe all his lies?

THE MADAME: I’m not on his side, and I don’t believe a word that comes out of his mouth. The only reason I know he is not responsible for those things is because I can read minds. Had your “friend” Donovan not given up the devices and activated unit 1, I wouldn’t have made you call him; but you and I know, if anyone can help us fix this little mess, it’s him. I’ve lived for hundreds of years, and have been part of the order for the majority of them, I’m not about to give up everything I have fought for.

EDWARD: Neither am I, that is the only reason I agreed to this… but we have to be careful, he is definitely not doing this out of the goodness of his heart, we have something he wants, and he’ll do whatever it takes to get it.

THE MADAME: As long as you and I are on the same page, we’ll have control, and he’ll have no choice but to comply.

EDWARD: Let’s hope he does; he can be quite sneaky.

THE MADAME: So can we (smirks). For now, keep Donovan away for as long as you can; once he comes back, everything will be set in motion.

EDWARD: We’ll need to move fast, not sure how long he’ll stand his time out…

Cut to – Akumal, Mexico. Bonnie, Damon, Stefan, and Caroline are on a boat. Stefan is standing at the edge of the boat, facing the open ocean. They are all quite stoned, even Caroline and Damon, who you would think wouldn’t be given that they are vampires, or even Bonnie, having all that source power, but apparently, they were given some pretty heavy stuff.

 STEFAN: Wait… how did we get on a boat?

CAROLINE: (Barely able to talk from the laughter) I think we stole it…

STEFAN: Shit! Oh, well… I’m the king of the world!! (Grabs her hand and takes her up on the edge with him). Look at this view… (after a few seconds, he starts singing Celine Dion’s “My heart will go on”, completely off-tune).

BONNIE: (Who is lying on the floor deck with Damon, looking up at the sky) I’m telling you, look at it… it’s totally baby Yoda… and it’s speaking to us…listen.

DAMON: Listening, I am, and says he… stay for some soup you must…

BONNIE: Ooh, soup! I love soup… French onion with melted cheese on top… What genius came up with that? (Pauses for a sec) Wait, what were we talking about?

DAMON: I have no idea… (they crack up).

STEFAN: (Still on the boat edge) You jump, I jump…

CAROLINE: (Turns to look at his eyes) Never let go, Jack, never let go… 

STEFAN: I love you, Rose. (Kisses her, grabs her hand; they jump in the water).

BONNIE: Did they just jump in the water?

DAMON: I think they did… (they get up, see them in the water)

BONNIE: Care! You did it!

CAROLINE: (Realizing she is swimming in the ocean for the first time). Oh, my god!!! I did!!! (As she is blissfully swimming around) It’s so wonderful!!! You guys should join!!

BONNIE: (Gets real serious...) Oh my god guys, don’t move...

CAROLINE: (Looking scared as hell) What is it?...

BONNIE: Care, don’t move... it’s behind you... (Caroline is paralyzed, on guard).

CAROLINE: (Looking terrified) Bonnie... is it a sh...

BONNIE: (Interrupts her ) Shhhh... (Bonnie uses her telekinetic powers to play the intro of “Baby Shark” on her phone, then starts dancing the choreography, Damon joins along; they are cracking up).

CAROLINE: Bonnie, you scared the hell out of me! (Can’t help but laugh at the prank). 

DAMON: (Laughing his ass off) Good one, Bon! (They high five) Sorry, Blondie, you owed us! 

CAROLINE: Fair enough... we’ll call it even. Now, come join,  the water is perfect!

DAMON: Bon Bon, what do you say?

BONNIE: You had me at Bon Bon... (They smirk; Damon grabs her hand and they jump in. They swim and laugh for a while, then go back on the boat). So… who drove the boat?

STEFAN: Uhm, I think I did… not sure how.

CAROLINE: Can you drive it back?

STEFAN: I’ll give it a try… but what’s the rush; I say we stay for a while, watch the sundown… (they sit on the boat deck, open a bottle of bourbon, eat some munchies, talk, and laugh).

CAROLINE: (To Damon, referring to the weed) TSo, Damon, that was some powerful stuff, where did you get it from?

DAMON: Bellboy hooked me up…called it the Mayan “Duende”? …

STEFAN: Well, I hope you saved some… totally want to do that again, but I think inland is the way to go next time. (They watch the sunset, then head back; Stefan manages to return the boat, and everyone on board, safe and sound).

 Cut to - Matt and Khuyana having a picnic at a beautiful park in Lima, Peru.

 MATT: I missed this…

KHUYANA: Me too (kisses him).

MATT: I’m so sorry for everything that has happened... I’m thinking that moving back was a mistake.

KHUYANA: It’s not your fault Matt, and it wasn’t a mistake. You love your home, and, despite it all, I love it too. Mystic Falls is where we belong.

MATT: But we were happier here.

KHUYANA: Were we? I think you are forgetting just how much we struggled, not to mention my government tried to make me disappear. I’m more afraid of humanities’ dark side than I am of the supernatural; at least with them, you get a fair warning.

MATT: You make a good point…but still, I… I…

KHUYANA: Mi amor, it’s okay, we are going to be fine. It’s over now, so let’s enjoy our time off and go back home when the time comes (kisses him). Whatever comes our way, we will get through it.

MATT: If I could marry you again, I would. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me, thank you for being part of my life.

KHUYANA: And thank you for being part of mine. Now, how about some pisco and yuquitas?

MATT: Best vacation ever… (kisses her).

 Cut to – Akumal, Mexico. Late at night. Damon and Bonnie are lying on the beach, in a very secluded spot, looking at the sky.

DAMON: I could do this forever…

BONNIE: Me too.

DAMON: (Turns his head towards her, looks deep into her eyes, and kisses her gently) I love you, Bon… like I never knew I could love…

BONNIE: And I love you; like I never did love … (She kisses him, more passionately than gently, kneels on top of him, and unbuttons his shirt as he pulls her dress off. She unbuckles his shorts, he unhooks her bra, throws it to the ground. He slowly slides her panties down and… at last  =). Inside her, Damon can't help but be locked into those hypnotic eyes, his breath so heavy and unstable... the overwhelming beauty and the feeling of absolute ecstasy invade every cell in his body... if ever he'd known what pure love was, this was the moment. They make love, multiple times, through the entire night until they fall asleep, holding each other so tight, body to body, until sunrise.

TVD 9x09 (part 1) coming next! Hope you stop by, read, and enjoy! =)

[katieamazeballs]

DWTS Live Tour Recap 2020

Whew....this day has been a doozy between lack of sleep and a weird ass day at work.  This years tour was a vastly different experience than in the past because Mother Nature is a raging beeotch.... but it was still so amazing!  Details below the break to save y’alls timelines some grief. 

We started off our day at work and school.  I had known, and bitched extensively, about the 100% rain outlook but it was pretty sunny all day.  I picked Abs up at early release and I swear to you...the second the car door shut, the sprinkles started.  Because of course it did.  We got ready and went for some lunner only to be caught in INSANE traffic.  Fun fact, Floridians can’t drive in the rain and there was a fatal accident on a major bridge that shut it down and made traffic a nightmare.  No biggie though, because it was nasty out and we knew they weren’t just going to be wandering downtown so we were in no rush.  We got downtown about 4 and we started wandering. 

(Gratuitous bus pic)

We stopped and chatted with the nicest security lady who, bless her heart, was sitting there between the buses huddled under a golf umbrella.  She said she hadn’t seen anyone in quite a while (probably because they were inside teaching the show to Keo) but that if we had been there at 7am they were all outside chillin and going to work out and such.  We did a lap then stood under the awning at the front of the arena for a bit. 

(Why is she so weird?)

During our laps we saw Keo (who was limping something fierce...like I wasn’t sure he was going to make it up the steps to the arena limp...looked like he pulled a hammy) but due to the sprinkling and the running buses he either didn’t hear us or pretended to not hear us.  We also saw Val, possibly Jenna (hood was pulled over her to her eyes), Daniella, and Wit.  Everyone but Wit was doing the mad dash into the arena from the buses.  Wit was in full hair and makeup and talked to Abs for a second as she was entering her bus...Abs didn’t ask for a picture because Wit clearly wanted to get into the dry and not mess herself up.  We did a couple more laps then standing under the awning loops then met up with @loveisstatic​. 

(Poor sweetheart bore witness to Savage being savage most of the night.) 

We decided to take a lap but didn’t see anything....sigh.  After a pretty epic battle over the fact that Haley said she also “liked” Alan....as in, he’s a good dancer, which “someone” took as “Imma steal your man”. 

We went in the arena and went to the merch table where Abs refused a tour tshirt because Hannah was on it...lol.  I was trying to get a cute pic of Abs and her 10 paddle....but home girl was trying to make sure she wasn’t standing next to Hannah ffs....

Then we went to get drinks (ha for Haley) and were very quickly let in to our seats.  Haley was actually only a couple rows in front of us, so we were able to chat before the show and during intermission.  The show is, of course, absolutely amazing!  It has a cute “theme” of driving the bus on tour and the voice overs were cracking me up.  After the Magic Mike number, Jen talks to the lady rubbing up on Val.  The poor lady clearly either has zero idea who the two of them are or has lost her senses due to all the testosterone filled sweat on her person.  Jen “You know, I recently got married”  Lady “Oh, congratulations!!!”  Jen “Yeah, that man you were just grinding and rubbing and smacking on....that’s my husband”  Lady “OMG!”  Jen “Yeah, his name is Val.  I’ll let it slide this time (then whatever the script is)”.  The lady was so embarrassed.  It was funny.  There was the absolute cutest little girl in the front row that Val came out and talked to.  She’s on the DWTS Tour story.  That section of the show was pretty awesome, actually.  I loved his speech about breaking the tv barrier and coming to do shows live to all of us who were gracious enough to invite them into our homes every Monday night.  Abs fave dance was Daddy Shark (I’ll steal her video and post it later....we can’t have enough reposts of that gem) and anything that had Alan and mine was the entire Hero section at the end where they’re wearing white (for the dancing) and Dream On (for the music).  Actually, the dance where they’re passing the key to the tour around was pretty awesome, too.  Then, it comes to intermission and Abs starts bitching about being hungry.  I told her sorry (she’s not a popcorn or nut fan and that’s all they really had) and she starts made some wildly and embarrassing comments about want candy...Alan’s candy complete with eyebrow waggles and cackling.  I think that it was at that point that our new friend decided that kid is a hot damn mess.  Jenna’s swan dive is absolutely amazing in person....mostly for the reaction it causes.  I, of course, knew it was coming but the lady next to me literally slap/grabbed her husband and whisper yelled “OH SHIT!”.  After the show, the adults in the group had to pee.  The teenager in the group just bitched that we were going to make her late to the buses.  (This is a very important fun fact for later.)  They have some weird ass security dude on tour this year who had some rule where the crowd standing (couldn’t have been more than 20 of us) had to scrunch into the space of 2 of those metal fence things as opposed to the other 57000 of them lining the buses.  Every 5 min or so, he’d waltz out and yell at us to “get on this side of the line.  No one can be between the buses”...except none of us moved after the first few times.  He was intense and a good time fun ruiner.  Kept trying to tell us that the police were going to see us standing at his one of his non approved fences (the same ones we’ve stood at for 2 other tours) and “shut the whole thing down”.  Sure, Stan.  Evenutally, he stopped fussing and Kate came out. 

She is a gem, honestly.  Super sweet and funny as hell.  Love me some her.  After Kate went in, it was cold and SOMEONE in our group had to pee (remember that fun fact....ha).  Val came out and got into the runner van and scooted off to the airport.  There was much discussion of how we knew it was him and how we knew where he was going.  Sasha came out and we talked to him and got pics. 

(Not all his selfies are hysterical gems that will be reused for all of eternity)

I gave him all my notes and Glebs drugs because we thought we were going to have to leave.  He said he’d pass them out for me.  We were deciding to leave when Emma popped out of the bus all “Which one of you gave the Benadryl to Gleb?  That was bloody brilliant!”.

We took pics with her and decided to stick around for a bit more because Abs needed  wanted to see Alan.  Thankfully, he came out shortly after and turned on the front camera flash I didn’t even know I had. 

(He also has very long arms for a good selfie angle)

After Alan came Wit and Daniella and thankfully that was it.

The grumpy security dude told us all to leave and I think everyone was ready.  We were stacked like 6 people deep having to shove up to the front for pics as the pros were like “WTF is wrong with these weirdos in Jacksonville and why aren’t they standing over at all these other perfectly decent fences”.  Like, they’d move over to the fence to the left to take pics and we’d all be like “NO!  We aren’t allowed!”.  It was cold and it was a week night and everyone was pretty much over the foolishness at that point.  What was cool about the night was I got to not only meet up with a fun tumblr friend, but there were a few of us at the buses that have started recognizing each other from other tours.  The girl Brandon pulled on stage recognized Abs and me and then I recognized a dude we’ve seen each year.  Funny story, the girl (who is a huge Derek stan) and I were talking about how pretty Gleb is (after the Benadryl thing) and she was talking about Brandon and having to touch his butt on stage.  She’s all “I mean, it’s a nice butt, but he’s just too cute to rub up on”.  She’s not wrong, he is just the cutest thing in person....just not in a sexy Daddy Shark type way.  Anyways, another tour down.  Plans to see MVPJ with a new friend and bus stalk at the “next tour” with the other bus stalkers.  Can’t wait till next time! 

[mistymark]

the one with the roommates [part 2] // j.y.n

jung yoonoh (jaehyun) x reader // roommates!au, fuckboy!au  // 2.6k words

in which jaehyun and y/n are roommates and pretending to be his fiancé seems like a really good idea // masterlist // warnings: angst (?), some swearing probably // part 2 of 3

You woke up at 6am due to the alarm on your phone going off somewhere in Johnny’s lounge room. You groaned and rolled over on his couch, standing up begrudgingly to attempt to locate your phone apparently via sonar. Raising your hands out in front of you and squinting, you made it to the kitchen, where you had dumped Jaehyun’s jacket after coming back from a 24 hour diner with Yuta at well past midnight the night before.

Shutting off your alarm and grabbing your belongings, you decided to leave and get home so you could get comfortable and finish some work from your class yesterday. Fiddling nervously with the ring you always wore, you tried to find a safe route home.

In your drunken state of mind that wasn’t due to alcohol at all but rather your lack of sleep over the past few nights, you didn’t think that Jaehyun’s date would still be in your apartment. After catching a bus from Johnny’s and then walking, it was almost 7am, and you sleepily let yourself into the apartment, keys jangling loudly against the door.

You closed the door and let your heavy bag down, taking off Jaehyun’s jacket and leaving it by the door. You made your way past the bedrooms to the back of the apartment to look for food, and there was a soft thump as you heard a door close behind you.

“Y/n?” Jaehyun stood shirtless at the end of the hallway in a pair of black Adidas tracksuit pants, and rubbed his face tiredly, “What are you doing?”

You suddenly found it very difficult to not stare at him; the way his muscles moved as he walked, the way his pants hung low on his hips, the way his hair was tousled perfectly after waking up… beside another girl. You let the thoughts slip away in your mind.

You yawned, opening the refrigerator clumsily, “I woke up early and decided to let Johnny sleep. I caught the bus home.”

He trudged over to the kitchen and grabbed an apple from the fruit basket, joining you at the counter, “Yeah, well, I think this girl is planning on living here now. Last night, she was talking about a quick fling to help her get over her ex, but now she’s saying we should get breakfast and inviting me to family barbecues.”

You heard a door open softly, but you ignored it, instead rolling your eyes and reaching across the counter to grab his hand in mock pity, “You poor thing. Oh, and before I forget, your jacket’s by the d – “

You stopped when you saw a girl standing at the end of the hallway, mouth agape. Jaehyun noticed your reaction and turned around in his seat. She was stunningly beautiful, even after just waking up; she was wearing one of Jaehyun’s shirts, showing off her long, toned legs and her dark hair was tied up in a bun at the top of her head. She looked from your face, to Jaehyun’s, then to where your hands were joined, and started again. No one spoke.

Eventually, homegirl decided to say something, and you felt bad for her as she looked at the two of you with hurt and confusion, “Y-you’re engaged?”

She looked at Jaehyun sadly, and then turned to you, rushing to speak, “I- I am so sorry, I had no idea.” You watched as Melissa ran to Jaehyun’s room and a second later was out the door.

Jaehyun blinked then looked towards the front door, whisper-shouting in a bored tone, “No, don’t leave! Please, you weren’t meant to find out this wa – Well, she’s gone.” He went back to eating his apple.

“Why did she think we were engaged?” The drama had shaken you from your tired state and you hoped that Jaehyun wouldn’t notice your flushed cheeks.

“How would I know? She’s crazy,” Jaehyun mindlessly said, grabbing his phone from the charger beside the toaster. When he looked up and saw your disapproving face, he shrugged, “She probably just saw you, and your ring, and assumed I was cheating on you with her. But, it worked out well because now I don’t have to dodge her calls until she leaves me alone.” He smirked at your reaction, “Come on, Y/n, it’s not that bad. Actually, it’s brilliant; I can’t think why I haven’t thought of this before.”

“Because it’s insane?” You suggested, stealing his apple and taking a bite before binning it.

He rested his elbow and the table and placed his chin in his hand, thinking, “But it just might work. You can pretend to be my fiancé for a bit and scare off the lodgers, and- “

“I get to steal your sweatshirts and jackets whenever I want,�� you stated, smiling evilly and sticking out your hand. The deal wasn’t really affecting your life – pretending to be Jaehyun’s fiancé was harmless really – so you didn’t want to ask for too much in return.

“Within reason,” he stated pointedly, but shook your hand nonetheless. “Just switch your ring to your other finger and we’re good to go.”

“What if they’re going to leave anyway, do I still have to be your fiancé?”

He thought for a moment, searching your face for any hesitation before speaking, “No, do it anyway.” You felt a smile sneak onto your face, but he continued, “That way they won’t want to call me or go out again afterwards.”

Two weeks later, and you waited outside your apartment with an umbrella, anticipating Jaehyun’s text. You watched as your neighbours walked past you in the lobby, shooting you odd looks as you stared expectantly at your phone. This was not the first time they’d seen you loitering by the main doors with a suitcase. Actually, it was almost three times a week that you’d be standing there in your raincoat, one hand on your suitcase and one holding your phone. You’d played this role seven times since your agreement, and you pretty much had the timing down pat.

‘now,’ your phone dinged in your hand and you sighed, readying yourself. Shifting your ring to your ring finger, you pressed the button for the elevator. When the doors slid open, you briefly closed your eyes, wondering why this always felt like such a big deal to you.

Bringing your keys out of your bag, and dragging the empty suitcase behind you, you walked up to your door, hesitating only briefly before opening the door, “Surprise! I’m home early! Babe?” You called into the apartment.

There was a soft thump from Jaehyun’s room and you stood waiting in the kitchen, your hand tightly grasping your suitcase handle. The door opened and Jaehyun rushed out, grabbing onto your shoulders, “There’s my beautiful fiancé! Look at the sunrise, how beautiful!” He began to push you towards the window in the back of the apartment and turned around to see the hallway. “Don’t turn around,” he whispered in your ear, his breath fanning your neck as he leant in.

You heard the soft sound of the front door closing slowly, and turned to Jaehyun, a grin on your face, “How’d I do?”

He looked at your face briefly, your happy expression, and began walking back to his room, shaking his head as he left, “Perfect, as usual.”

You gave his retreating figure an odd look, but when he joined you ten minutes later for breakfast, he had almost returned to normal.

“You were in a happy mood this morning,” you deadpanned, grabbing a spoon for your cereal.

“Didn’t get much sleep last night,” he mumbled, buttering his toast and refusing to make eye contact with you.

You felt yourself shrinking as you let out a soft ‘oh’, and began to eat in silence.

He looked up at you suddenly, searching your face as he spoke, “You know, I was thinking-“

“That’s dangerous,” you snorted into your cereal, bringing your spoon to your mouth.

He gave you a pointed look before continuing, “I was thinking that before you show up, these girls really have no idea that I’m engaged.”

“Isn’t that the point?”

“No, I mean, it’s not like my room exactly screams ‘serious relationship’,” he said, raising his head to look at you, sending you a soft smile. “I think, if we really want this to work, they need to believe that I’m actually husband material.” There was a pause and he gasped, “Why are you laughing? I can be husband material!”

You kept laughing, pointing at him with your spoon, “No, you really can’t.”

He smiled and shook his head at your reaction, “Okay, well, either way, we need to make my room look more girl-friendly.”

You shrugged, “Sure, what’re you thinking?”

His smile stretched wider across his face, pausing for dramatic effect, “We’re going… to IKEA.”

You laughed at his antics and put your empty bowl in the sink, “What, now?”

He nodded, excited energy overflowing from him, “Yeah, if you’re free.”

“What about this?” You turned around to face Jaehyun, holding up a dark blue patterned pillow, thinking it would look nice against the grey tones in his otherwise colourless bedroom. Families rushed around the store pushing trolleys and carrying lists and tiny pencils with the IKEA logo inscribed on them. You had decided to focus on accessories for Jaehyun’s room, agreeing that accessories, whilst being cheap, would make the room seem more feminine.

Jaehyun looked around the pillow section with you, following you with the trolley, leaning over the handlebars and spending most of his time complaining. “No, I like this one,” he held up a maroon and yellow pillow, a horrid pattern covering its case. He read its tag, “Bënaki… I’d like to Bënaki with you.” He winked at you when you turned around.

You laughed and threw the blue pillow you were holding at him, “I think not.”

“Hey!” He picked up the pillow and threw it back at you, but you ducked and hid behind the shelves of another aisle, arming yourself with more of the ugly brown and yellow pillows which seemed to surround you, before jumping up and bombarding him with the three pillows you had managed to hold at once.

Soon, your trolley was abandoned as you each fired pillows at each other, ducking in and out of aisles and sprinting away from each other.

You panted as you ran from him, dodging the few families and tossing a pillow into a display and hiding in one of the display rooms. It was a small monotone bedroom, decorated in colours of grey and black, and you hid behind the bed, waiting with a hammering heart as you heard Jaehyun’s hurried footsteps run after you.

You giggled to yourself as you watched him run past, his hair flying behind him as searched for you. Creeping into the adjoining kitchen, you accidentally knocked over a pot and hurried to grab it, shocked at the loud noise. You silently placed the pot back onto the display stove and ducked into the bathroom, decorated in colours of green and brown.

Watching the kitchen door carefully, you slowly crept backwards towards the bedroom when two strong arms wrapped around your torso, causing you to let out a squeal.

Jaehyun held onto you and laughed at your reaction. You attempted to catch your breath, but his arms only slightly loosened around you. He started to waddle-walk as he directed to you back to the cushion section, his arms wrapped snuggly around your waist.

“I won, so does this mean I get to choose the pillows?” He asked, mumbling into your ear as he retracted his right arm from you, coming to stand on your right and grabbing at a random pillow and inspecting it carefully. His left hand held on your waist still, and you stood far too close, yet neither of you moved away.

“I like that one,” you said quietly, looking over at a new one he’d picked up. It had differing shades of black and white with a small hint of blue. He hummed in response, grabbing two and carrying them to your abandoned trolley that had remained in the corner of the cushion section.

“Is that everything?” He asked, tallying up the objects that already sat in the trolley. There were two cushions, a small pot plant, a small canvas painting and a soft furry blanket. You smiled at the blanket, running your hand through it.

“Can I keep the blanket once this is over and done with?” You questioned, missing the falter in his smile, before he shrugged in response.

At the checkout, you pulled out your purse and handed him enough money to cover half of the bill. He looked at you surprised, “It’s just going into my room; I should pay.”

“Are you joking? When your… When there’s no one coming over, we can display them in the apartment. They’re not just for you. Besides, isn’t marriage about splitting the bill?” You grinned at him quickly before greeting the checkout assistant and watching as he began scanning your items.

Jaehyun cleared his throat and pulled out his own wallet, “Right. Of course.”

Back at the apartment, it was a Sunday, and you had classes the next day, so you always stayed home or went to visit Johnny while Jaehyun went clubbing or met his one night stands.

You helped Jaehyun ferry your new items up to the apartment and decorated his room quickly, placing the pot plant on his chest of drawers next to the photo that you liked so much, the pillows and blanket on his bed and displaying the artwork on the wall above his bed. Jaehyun worked around you, cleaning up the never-ending mess that was his bedroom floor.

He’d connected his phone to a speaker and you both sang and danced around while you worked. Needless to say, you enjoyed every moment and loved watching him perform random songs as he tossed his clothes into the laundry hamper.

Once you’d finished, and his bedroom was almost spotless, you huffed and wiped your head as you examined your work, “Well, it definitely looks a lot better.”

He came over to stand beside you in the doorway, his arm slung along your shoulders and agreed, “Definitely.” Jaehyun grabbed his laundry bag and slung it over his shoulder, “What are your plans for tonight?”

You sighed and flopped onto his bed, exhausted. You covered your eyes with your forearm, “I’m just going to stay in tonight. I’m too tired. I heard there’s a Seinfeld marathon on, maybe I’ll watch that. What about you? Who’s your hot date for tonight?”

You sat up on your elbows to look at him and he puffed his cheeks out, leaning against the doorframe with his shoulder, “I don’t have a date tonight.”

You felt your eyebrows raise in surprise, “Oh?”

He tucked his hands into his pockets, “No, but if you’re st-“ He was cut off by an alert on your phone and he stopped, watching you pull out your phone.

[5:24pm] Utah: hey y/n any chance you want to maybe grab dinner tonight?? I know its last minute but … :D

finally decided to start posting my jaehyun fic so here it is lmao,, I know it says three parts but u never know this will probably have more parts lmao

[maskydoo-old]

Nightmare Neighbors 4

(I’m writing out scripts for upcoming storytime style youtube videos, and posting what I have here. Note that this is a true story. Feedback is welcome.)

Up to a point, I tried to give my neighbors, Loony and Toony Feckwad, the benefit of the doubt.

Sure, they were definitely acting like weirdos, but that doesn’t necessarily mean they’re up to no good.

Maybe they were just really, unfathomably socially inept and genuinely did not realize how inappropriate they were being.

Maybe they’re just having a few bad days, and I was only seeing them at their worst.  

Maybe they’re just plain weird people, but… ehhhh…. probably harmless.

Maybe my increasing suspicion of them had more to do with my own stress than anything else?

I was gas-lighting the shit out of myself. I was looking for ways to rationalize their antics, doubting my own perceptions and creeping unease.

I just didn’t want to believe that these people could really be out to get me and for no reason at all as I’ve done anything at all to them. I want the world to make sense. I wanted to believe people are rational, reasonable. And this just didn’t fit.

I was just too patient, too willing to be understanding, and too forgiving to see the situation for what it was. You might think that’s giving myself a compliment. It isn’t. It makes an easy target.

Doubting your intuition, ignoring warning signs, and denying your own situation helps the aggressors. Bullies rely on the politeness and meekness of their targets in order to get away with abuse.  

But in the end, even I could only gaslight myself for so long. Eventually, their insanity and increasing hostility got to be undeniable.

Right out of the harassing neighbors handbook, the people I’m referring to as Loony and Toony Farkwad started wasting police time with made-up noise complaints.

Now, I won’t pretend my dogs never bark, but when they do, I bring them inside. Duh.  

And in the middle of the day, among all the cars, construction, lawnmowers, and playing kids, what’s a few barks anyway? It’s not like she’s out there at some unreasonable hour, like, oh, say, 3 am.

And it’s not like mine are the only dogs in the neighborhood. There actually were a few nuisance barkers around, dogs who were left outside prettymuch 24/7, and would not be brought in no matter how much or how lard they barked and barked and barked.

Those poor doggy lungs.

Don’t. Don’t do this. It’s not OK to treat your dogs like this. If you’re not going to take proper care of your dog, if you’re just going to leave it alone outside all of its short life, don’t get a dog.

Get a houseplant. A fake one.

I assumed the neighbors just mistook one of the other barking dogs for mine. I know my own dog’s voice but there’s no reason to expect other people would. Honest mistake.

Then I got to talking with one of the other neighbors across the street. Turned out, his family had their own run-ins with the Feckwads before I moved in.

His wife even caught Loony looking over this neighbor’s fence, yelling his dog and kicking the fence boards to provoke the dog to bark as much as possible, then recording the dog’s freak-out with her phone.

Yes. Loony went to these peoples’ house, across the street, all so she could report the barking that she intentionally caused.

It wasn’t a matter of making any mistake. The Feckwads were just making bogus reports on purpose.

Why? What do they stand to gain from this? How do these people not have anything better to do?!

So there I was with animal control showing up at my door to give me warnings.

Weird that this only happens during periods when I live alone, and not when my boyfriend is home from his job overseas, even though the dogs were exactly the same.

One morning, and by morning I mean nearly 7AM, you know, when, noise ordinances end, road works begin, kids head to school, adults go to work, and prettymuch everyone is generally awake, I put my dogs outside for a few minutes, just long enough to change into my uniform.

I was just about to bring them in anyway when one of my dogs barked. Once.

Bark.

There was one, single bark.

“Molly, Shadow.”

“Shut those F-ing dogs up!!”

This guy. This freaking guy.

Tick seriously stuck his head right out his bedroom window, which overlooked my yard and the back door, and was just screaming his head off.

What. What does it look like I’m doing? I was clearly bringing my dogs inside already.

Literally the only reason he’s even able to yell at me at all was because I just opened up the door to do the exact thing he was demanding.

Even after my dogs were in the house. He was still screaming. Why? To accomplish what, exactly?

“BLAH BLAH BLAH ALL THE BARKING AT THIS UNGODLY HOUR!!!”

Oh. Oh OK. I guess 7 is an ungodly hour for a dog to bark, but 3AM, that’s just a perfect time to be creeping around ambushing women alone in the dark.

And here he is, hollering. If he hadn’t come to the window to yell, he could have quiet by now, we all could. He was being louder now than my dogs ever were.

Tch! Whatever. I had enough.

Me: “Is this how adults behave?”

(slam door)

This is when I started going outside with my dogs whenever they were in the yard, recording the whole while, making sure they didn’t make a peep, and being ready to prove it. I’d also be able to record Toony if he acted up like that again.

You’d think that now that it was certain that that my dogs weren’t a problem, the Feckwads would have nothing to be mad about. Their complaint is solved.

But that would be assuming these were reasonable people, and that their grievance was ever honest in the first place. Instead, the aggression only increased.

Loony and Toony saw that their bogus complaints, while annoying, weren’t actually getting me in any kind of trouble since they couldn’t prove anything. I didn’t give them the opportunity to create evidence like Loony did with the neighbor across the street.

So they moved on to new plans.

I felt like I was being watched whenever I was outside. I’d hear muffled voices, and shifting blinds from their windows.

Then, Loony started trying to catch me whenever I was outside. Day, night, whenever, didn’t matter.

I’d step outside, maybe to take out my trash or something, then – ope - here comes Loony. She’d stomp my way, right to my property, with body language like she’s looking for a fight.

Nope. Not dealing with this. Whatever she has planned, it’s clearly not an apology. So… I’m out.

(abandon trash, slam door.)

I started going outside less.

Again, it was only me, a 4’11 woman they ever have any words for. They never have anything to say with my 6’3, muscle-bound boyfriend around.

Another day, Luna spied me through her window, then came right out and did thing where she’d stomp my way like a mad cow charging, yet again.

But this time, I didn’t move.

She was nearly to me when (Surprise motha-f!* ) OOPS! Miss something sweetheart? My boyfriend only just got back from oversees, and they hadn’t noticed yet. Now there he was, sitting in the car parked next to me, watching.  

Luna stopped dead in her tracks! I could see the wheels spinning while she considered her options. She pulled a hard turn and pretended she was out there to check her mailbox.

Oh, just taking the scenic route were ya, hun? Yeah. I’m sure.

Now why would she do that? If she had any good intentions, if she was just there to talk to me, or to make some reasonable neighborly complaint, then why would she suddenly abandon her course? She wouldn’t. She backed off immediately because she was up to no good, but suddenly realized I was not as vulnerable as she thought.

I wonder if they thought my boyfriend and I broke up, that he was gone for good and I would remain alone. They sure minded themselves when he returned.

As long as they knew my boyfriend was around, the neighbors kept their heads down. No screaming at me. No stomping at me. No ambushing me in the dark. No bogus noise complaints. No making a peep at all. Nothing.

But that couldn’t last long. Soon, boyfriend had to leave the country again. And as unreasonable as these people were, they still possessed basic pattern recognition.

They waited for a few weeks to make sure he was gone, then they’d get back up with their antics. And on every event, they’d escalate, getting crazier and crazier.

One night, when I got home from work, they were waiting for me. Yes, again. It wasn’t the first time I’d seen them lurking in the darkut this night the crazy jumped to a new level.

“My neighbor Maskydoo McSurname at 8802 Illusion Drive is a ------ -------- --------- --------!”

Toony was outside, in the dark somewhere I couldn’t see, shouting my full name and address (why my address?,) followed by calling me a long string of vulgar and misogynist insults.

By now, the neighbors screaming all the insults they could whenever they saw me wasn’t even new. They’ve done that plenty enough it hardly got my attention.

What was new was the how.

Toony was shouting about me in third person, as if he was talking to someone else about me.

It was like what little bratty kids do when someone they don’t like is around. They suddenly turn to their friend and start loudly trash talking that person as if they weren’t aware that person was there but it’s totally fake?

It was like that. It would be pathetically sad if it weren’t so disturbing. What adult does this?

As dark as it was, I wasn’t even sure if there was even anyone actually there with him, or if he was out there alone pretending. I’m not sure which would be creepier.

I wonder if he figured it would be some kind of legal loophole, harassing me like this, claiming he wasn’t actually yelling at me… just about me.

He wasn’t even pretending to have some kind of grievance anymore. Couldn’t be bothered to make anything up.

It was just a series of loudly yelled insults.

I didn’t say anything. I was honestly too shocked to. I just spent a minute questioning everything.

What? What?! I mean - What?! Is this guy serious? He can NOT be serious. Who does this? How is this a thing that anyone does? Is this how adults behave? I. What? Is this real life?

I’ve moved in next to a Youtube comments section.

Among other things, I’m a C word, a B word, and F-ing C word and B word. Typical generic insults.

But he did get a little more original. I’m rancid, disgusting, Heinous -

Woah, heinous?

Really breaking out the thesaurus on that one. That’s worth like a 10-points in Scrabble right there.

He must have been pretty impressed with himself on that one, he repeated it a lot.

Ugly-

What, am I in violation of a city ugly ordinance now?

Fake Toony: Hello, police? I’d like to report my neighbor… for being the ugliest uggo to ever ugg!

Fake cop: Ugly you say?! Outside designated ugly hours! Now that is a crime!

Fake Toony: A heinous crime!

Oh, and – get this, he kept calling me “psycho.”

Yeah. Between the two of us, with me minding my business, just wanting to go to bed after a long, irritating day at work, and him standing around in the dark to screaming abuse at women alone in the dark

Yeah. Clearly I was the psycho one. Ok.

Toony repeated the same handful of insults. Didn’t take long to reach the limit of his vocabulary.

He just kept standing out there, screaming in the dark at nearly midnight.

I could hear him even inside my house.

What, I thought he cared about noise disturbances. But oh, I guess he’s special. A dog barking in the middle of the day makes me terrible, but this grown ass man screaming as loud as he can is just fine.

I bet every house on the block heard him. Though no one poked their head outside to check what was up. It turned out they’d all had their own run-ins with these people too and just weren’t about to get involved.

Yeah, thanks everyone.  

But I did have some help. It came from Reddit.

Yeah. That reddit. Of all places. If you want to fine a way to deal with shrieking jerks, go to their breeding ground.

I’m kidding. I like reddit.

The subreddit /r/letsnotmeet was on my side. I’d been writing about my neighbors there ever since I found them lurking around my house and detailing their creepy behavior. The sub advised me to record incidents with the neighbors, that way if their antics escalate, and I ever have to do anything about it, I’d have ongoing documentation on my side.

So I grabbed my phone in one hand and pepper spray in the other, and went back outside. I’d just record from a safe distance, just get what I need and get back inside.

But… he was gone.

So… he figured I was in for the night, so he no longer needed to be out there either.

Was he waiting for me to get home? Just so he could do this?

Ok. Alarm bells. Alarm bells ringing real loud now.

And I turned out to be right, because a pattern emerged and this started happening pretty regularly. So I had confirmation.

These people were watching me. They figured out my work schedule, irregular as it was, and knew that most days I worked a shift that would have me home at about 11PM, where they could catch me alone in the dark.

I started to enjoy days I’d work overtime, just knowing those idiots were outside waiting for me, for who knows how long, only to be stood up. HA! Sucker!

I’ll take the small victories.

[blackpinkstories]

Two Idols

Lisa Manoban x Reader

Part: 1/4

About: Your best friend Jisoo Kim auditions for YG Entertainment. Once she makes it she never messages you again. Your dream in life is also to become a singer and you try to achieve it by using YouTube and uploading covers. You forget how much you miss Jisoo until you see her at an awards ceremony. When you reconnect at the awards, you meet Lisa. (You’re gay in this story)

Jisoo and Y/N lay on Y/N’s talking about their dreams. Both girls, ever since they were young, have wanted to become singers. Jisoo wanted to be a famous pop singer whereas Y/N wanted to write her own songs with her guitar and tour the world.

“My YouTube channel has 1000 subscribers now and the cover of Loser by BIGBANG has gotten nearly 300,000 views. It’s insane.” Y/N said, scrolling through her YouTube on her phone.

“That’s crazy” Jisoo said, laying next to her, watching what she was doing.

When Jisoo and Y/N were young children, they would sing their hearts out on a beaten up kareoke box Jisoo had been given as a birthday present from Y/N. It didn’t sound the best but it provided them with years of entertainment.

“Y/N! Y/N!” Jisoo yelled, running through the school corridor to reach her best friend.

“Look! This morning I saw on YG’s website that they’re holding auditions in Korea in two months. I signed up instantly and I’m waiting on a reply now. I’m scared! It’s YG! Record company of BIG BANG!” Jisoo said, very quickly as she was so excited.

“Jisoo that’s so great!” Y/N squealed with her best friend. “What do you need to do?” Y/N asked. “I’m not sure yet. They’re going to email me soon. They’re holding 1000 auditions so hopefully I’ll be in time.” Jisoo said, nervous already.

That lunch time, Y/N and Jisoo found an empty classroom to brainstorm. “YG emailed me duing third period. Here it is.” Jisoo turned her laptop screen toward Y/N so she could read.

‘Dear Kim Jisoo,

Thank you for your application. We are delighted to inform you that you have an audition at the YG Entertainment Building on the 26th September. To the audition please be prepared with a dance to any song you like, an original song and you’ll be asked to sing a section of a song you won’t have prepared for. We look forward to seeing you.’

Y/N squealed excitedly before getting in her musical zone. “You can help me write the original song because you’re so good at it! Please Y/N?” Jisoo asked hopefully. “Of course I’ll help you. What kind of song do you want it to be?” Y/N asked, getting out her pen and notebook out of her bag to take down ideas. “I was thinking of a love song, with a twist to make it indivial. I want it to show off my vocals.” Jisoo said, thinking intently. Y/N wrote it down quickly as the bell rang for their next and final class of the day. “I’ll think tonight and I’ll let you know what I have tomorrow and we can adapt and add. See ya!” Y/N said before disappearing down the corridor to her next lesson.

That evening, Y/N sat at her computer with her microphone set up, ready to sing if creativity struck. She had scribbled down many words and chord patterns but she was yet to find one she was satisfied with. Y/N nor Jisoo had any experience in love so she was trying to be poetic but she felt it was becoming too cringe, which she didn’t want for Jisoo. Suddenly, a bright idea popped into Y/N’s head and her pen was flying. Words and notes were being written down so fast, the pen wasn’t far from breaking. Y/N began to record what was in her head with her guitar and her own singing voice. ‘I think I have something. Come over if you can’ Y/N text Jisoo, hoping she would come despite it being 11pm. In ten minutes, there was a knock on the door and Jisoo stood there impatiently. Both girls hurried upstairs and Y/N made Jisoo sit and listen to the recording.

“This is incredible Y/N.” Jisoo said, placing the headphones on the table. “We can change it to however you want as it’s only the first demo.” Y/N said, happy with her work for once. “No, no. I want to sing it exactly like this. It’s perfect. The lyrics aren’t too cliche and it’s melodic too. You’re a genius.” Jisoo said. Y/N and Jisoo switched some lyrics around and changed the end but after that, Jisoo was so excited to record she couldn’t wait the next day so at 1am on a very early Saturday morning, Y/N’s room was filled with Jisoo’s honey-like voice.

The sun had risen and it was 7am, but Jisoo and Y/N finally found the perfect take. They were both tired and once they had finished, instantly they laid down and fell asleep.

The next two months went extremely fast. Jisoo sang their song everyday to make sure it was engrained in her head. She had the song on a disc and she had an instrumental version that she could sing along too as she doubted Y/N could come with her to the audition just to play guitar. Jisoo had gotten advice from their schools dance teacher and perfected her dance to a song she loved. The audition day arrived and Y/N was getting ready with Jisoo before she would drive her to audition.

“Don’t wait outside, because I don’t know how long I’ll be or what happens after it. Thank you so much for everything you have done these past two months. With the song and everything too. I can’t believe I’m lucky enough to have someone like you.” Jisoo hugged Y/N before walking into the large glass doors of YG. Y/N felt emotional, and terrified, for Jisoo.

Y/N didn’t hear anything from Jisoo that evening, or the next day, or the next day. She was confused because she had no idea why Jisoo was ignoring her, or where she was. Their friends from school hadn’t heard from her either and Jisoo’s parents refused to answer any of Y/N’s questions. She was lost.

time jump: 2 years later

It had been 2 years since Y/N had last heard from Jisoo. She tried not to think about it too much but it still hurt her. Y/N graduated school, and was spotted by someone from a different record company. She took the deal and started to work on her professional singing and guitar playing. Her dream was finally coming true but her best friend wasn’t there to share it with her.

In the past two years, Y/N had changed a lot. She had finally come to terms with her sexuality and she dressed differently. She acted the same, humble and caring, but she became more confident. Y/N was very happy that her dream was finally beginning to come true, especially as she walked onto a stage where she was about to make her debut as a rising singer.

She gripped the neck of her guitar nervously as a man announced her name. Y/N walked out as confidently as possible and began to play a song she had written long ago, the first original song she ever wrote. Every person at that debut show was going crazy. Phone cameras were out and cheering was heard. Y/N smiled as she had a conversation with the host and gave some simple facts about herself.

When Y/N walked off the stage, she was on a high. Many people approached her and congratulated her as she realised this is what she was born to do.

Jisoo was a trainee at YG Entertainment now. She had met new friends, one being Jennie Kim. She didn’t think about Y/N often, even though she could message her whenever she wanted, she just chose not to because she didn’t want to make Y/N feel bad that she was achieving her dream and Y/N wasn’t. Jisoo felt bad, but it was for the best. At least that’s what she told herself.

“JISOO! We are going to be debuting early! Me, you, Lalisa Manoban and Park Chaeyoung!” Jennie screamed as she ran into their dorm room. Jisoo jumped off her bed and began dancing around with Jennie.

“When?” Jisoo asked.

“5 days from today! We have to begin immediately which is why we have to find Lisa and Chaeyoung. Let’s go!” Jennie dragged Jisoo as they ran through the corridors. Their dreams were starting earlier than they expected!

Jisoo, Lisa, Chaeyoung and Jennie all met in the dance studio where they were immediately thrown into dancing for a song they recorded last week - Whistle. They found the dance hard but at the end of the day they had already completely the first verse.

Y/N was very excited to begin her career. Once people started noticing her, she was busy instantly with promotion of her single and performances on TV shows. She even starred on ‘The Tonight Show’ in the USA, where she announced her first album. She was more than excited to release her first album, but a lot was too be decided. She had to think about the photo book and photo card, the front cover and how she wanted it to sound. Her manager had told her she wouldn’t have long to decide to she sat in a hotel room at a desk, looking through pictures online to give her inspiration. The thought suddenly struck - light and dark. Y/N loved wearing black and it was her favourite shade, and darkness for the photos would be great, and she could have light ones as well. Her songs could be a mixture and she already thought of song ideas that would match. Great!

Jisoo, Jennie, Lisa and Chaeyoung, who had adopted the stage name: Rosé, stood backstage as they were prepared for their debut. One by one, they slowly walked out onto the dark stage as their names were called. They were scared and nervous but they had been waiting for this moment almost their whole lives, and the excitement weighed out any other feeling. “BLACKPINK” was the group name chosen. It felt good to have a name and have people soon saying it, Jisoo thought to herself.

The next month was spent releasing music, for both Y/N and BLACKPINK. Jisoo didn’t pay much attention to the media so she didn’t know about Y/N’s rise to fame, but Y/N knew about Jisoo. She saw her with her members on articles and on social media. Jisoo looked happy. Y/N’s album was released a week prior and it had blown up instantly. It hit #1 in Korea, Japan, Thailand, America and China. Everyone knew who she was, except Jisoo. Jisoo really was in her own world when it came to new music.

The Seoul Music Awards arrived, and Y/N was nominated for many awards, those including the Daesang award, Bonsang award, Record of the year and New artist award. She was against BLACKPINK in two of those, the Daesang award and the New artist award. To say she was nervous would be an understatement. Y/N would be performing in front of many other artists like Red Velvet, BTS, and most importantly, BLACKPINK. BLACKPINK weren’t performing but as Y/N was shown around the large venue, she knew exactly where they would be seated.

Jisoo, Lisa, Jennie and Rosé took their seats at a large table in the hall, where the awards were about to begin. “Who’s performing today?” Jisoo asked Lisa, who had been raving about the performances at the awards over the past few weeks. “BTS, Hyuna, GOT7 and Y/N.” Lisa said, saying Y/N’s name excitedly. “Y/N?” Jisoo asked, her heart dropping. “Yeah, her new album dropped the other month and it’s blown up. We are against her for the Daesang and New artist award. She’s really good, my girl crush.” Lisa said happily. “Do you have a picture of her?” Jisoo asked nervously. “Of course, she’s my home screen actually.” Lisa chuckled embarrassed. She had been obsessing over Y/N ever since her debut and clearly Jisoo hadn’t paid attention. Lisa showed Jisoo the photo on her home screen and Jisoo’s heart beat faster with nerves. Her old best friend was on the screen, smiling at a crowd with a guitar in hand. “What’s wrong unnie?” Lisa asked, locking her phone and placing it on the table. “She’s my old best friend.” Jisoo said. “I stopped talking to her completely, she probably hates me.” Lisa gasped slightly. Their conversation was interrupted by a large booming voice and the host walking out onto stage. Jisoo wasn’t really focusing as she was looking around for Y/N. Just as she turned to her right, she saw her. She sat on a table with Red Velvet and she was laughing about something with Yeri. Y/N looked more mature in her suit, seemingly made by Gucci by the design of it. Jisoo looked back at the stage, scared Y/N would see her.

The awards went fast, and then the first category Y/N was nominated for appeared. Record of the year. Many other amazing albums were nominated, including Red Velvet’s. Y/N joined hands with Yeri and Irene as they all waited, hoping the best for each other but also themselves.

“The winner for record of the year is, Y/N Y/L/N with her debut album.” Y/N stood up and hugged the members of Red Velvet and shook various hands as she walked up to the stage, a huge grin on her face. She took the award graciously, bowing to the host respectively. Y/N gave a small speech before her time ran out and she went and sat back down, placing her award on the table before it was taken away by her manager for safe keeping.

Y/N won the next two awards she was nominated for, the New artist and the Bonsang award. She beat BLACKPINK in the new artist award and saw them sitting here, her eyes settling on Jisoo as they made uncomfortable eye contact. Backstage, Y/N was preparing for her performance. She had changed and her hair had been restyled. Now she was wearing a casual outfit. She had a large shirt tucked into high waisted shorts as it was hot. Simple but Y/N liked it.

“Now, the performance you’ve all been waiting for, Y/N Y/L/N!” The host announced, disappearing from the stage. Y/N began to play her guitar from the side of the stage as the stage was still dark. It lit up slowly as she walked onto the stage with her guitar, singing happily. It was a joyful pop song that showed off Y/N’s vocals as she played her guitar along with the additional backing track. Everyone was going crazy for her as she sang, the hall being filled with people singing wildly. The whole hall erupted in cheer as Y/N ended on a high note. She walked off the stage humbly and went and sat back down, not before passing her guitar to her manager who took it away. The members of Red Velvet congratulated her as she sat down. The whole hall fell silent as they waited for the Daesang, the most prestigious award, to be announced. “This award has many incredible artists nominated, but we can only have one winner. The winner of the Daesang is...”

Everyone waited. BLACKPINK, Seungri, Y/N, BTS and Hyuna were all nominated. “Y/N Y/L/N.” Y/N’s heart stopped as she sat there shocked. She saw her own face on the screen and realised how crazy she looked. Winning the Daesang was something she didn’t expect this early on in her career. BLACKPINK stood up and clapped and everyone followed. Y/N was still in shock as she walked slowly to get the award.

“Wow, thank you so much for this. Thank you for supporting me and buying my album, and listening to it. I can’t believe anything like this would ever happen to me. Not long ago, I was just someone who went to school and wrote songs in their bedroom, but it’s insane that something like this has happened. I’ll forever be grateful to each and every one of you. Thank you.”

Y/N wiped a tear as she walked off to backstage, ready to be interviewed as BTS closed the event with their fantastic performance of Fake Love. She took pictures with other artists like the members of iKON and the many members of NCT. These people all congratulated her and praised her. She was overwhelmed with emotion.

“Y/N!” Lisa called as the rest of BLACKPINK followed. “BLACKPINK! Hi!” Y/N said, hugging them one by one.

“Hi Jisoo.”

“Hi Y/N, congratulations.” Jisoo said. The uncomfortable silence was filled up by Lisa praising Y/N nervously. Y/N stared right into Lisa’s eyes which made her even more nervous.

“Lisa is a huge fan, you’re her girl crush.” Jisoo said, making things less awkward between them. Lisa slapped Jisoo’s arm as Jennie and Rosé laughed. “It’s true. You’re her home screen.” Rosé said as Lisa turned a bright red. “That’s so cool.” Y/N said, laughing at how embarrassed Lisa was. Y/N put her arm round Lisa’s shoulder as Lisa looked like she was going to explode. “Do you guys want to come back to my apartment for our after party? There’s an official after party but ours is better and you guys can stay over if you want as with how drunk everyone’s going to be getting, I don’t think anyone wants to go home after that. Red Velvet are staying so you guys can too.” Y/N said. “That would be great.” Jennie said, hugging Y/N. “It’s starting almost now so just get here whenever you want, I’m about to leave to go so just turn up and you’ll be let in. See you later.” Y/N said before walking off to do one last interview before heading home.

“You guys are so embarrassing.” Lisa said. “But, she’s so hot! Jisoo, how could you not have set us up sooner if you’re best friends.”

“I stopped talking to her.” Jisoo said bluntly. Lisa coughed awkwardly as she felt Jisoo was not in the mood to explain why. “Okay, well let’s go to our hotel and get our overnight bags and then head to hers.”

Back at her apartment, Y/N and everyone there was already drinking and celebrating. Many artists and different people related to the music industry were there enjoying themselves. Yeri and Y/N spoke in the corner to each other, the music being so loud they had to yell in each other’s ears. “You look so beautiful tonight.” Y/N said, making Yeri blush. “So do you.” Yeri said in return, making Y/N grin largely. “Thank you.” Y/N said.

The door opened and Blackpink walked in. They had all changed and they held their bags, which were taken and put into a room that was locked. Lisa instantly spotted Y/N in the corner, and looking at her and Yeri made her jealous. “Hey Yeri, I’ll be back. I’m just going to say hello to my friends.” Y/N said. Lisa slapped Jisoo’s arm as Y/N approached.

“You made it!” Y/N exclaimed. She was slightly tipsy already and it was obvious. “Cool party Y/N.” Jennie said, taking the drink Y/N was offering. “Jisoo, can I talk to you?” Y/N asked. Jisoo nodded nervously as Y/N took her over to the corner privately. “I don’t want things to be awkward. I’m sure you had your reasons for not talking to me and I’m just glad we can reconnect again.” Y/N said, seriously. Even though she was tipsy, her words were coming from a place of love. “I’m so sorry Y/N. I don’t know what I was thinking. You’re the reason this all happened and I just left. I don’t want things to be awkward either.” Jisoo said. Y/N and Jisoo embraced warmly as they rejoined the other members. Lisa was happier now that Y/N returned.

“Make yourselves at home. Go dance, drink, do what you want!” Y/N exclaimed. Jisoo, Rosé and Jennie left to get more drinks but Lisa stayed with Y/N. “You’re pretty.” Y/N said to Lisa, watching the blush creep onto Lisa’s face. Y/N took a liking to Lisa and thought she was so beautiful. Her head was spinning and all she was focusing on was Lisa’s eyes.

Lisa felt her heartbeat speed up. Her favourite celebrity was standing right in front of her complimenting her and she couldn’t believe it. She was starstruck. Lisa had watched Y/N’s interviews and videos and instantly had been drawn to her personality. Now she had the chance to know her due to their careers. It was thrilling. “Let’s dance.” Y/N said, dragging Lisa onto the floor that was cleared to make a dance floor. Lisa was a natural born dancer and Y/N followed her moves. Y/N was watching Lisa intently as her hips swayed to the music. Y/N grabbed Lisa’s hips and pulled her closer. “You’re hot.” Y/N whispered into Lisa’s ear. Lisa again blushed. “So are you.” She whispered back. After this, Lisa needed a drink. She left Y/N to go over to Jennie, who was getting another drink for her, Rosé, Jackson Wang and Kai. They were all chatting and drinking in the corner. “I see you’re getting cosy.” Jennie said, passing Lisa a drink. “It’s a dream Jennie. She’s so hot, it’s painful. She’s playing with my heart I swear.” Lisa laughed. She saw Y/N talking to Yeri again and she instantly got jealous. Jennie laughed. “If you stare at Yeri like that any longer she’ll burst into flames. Is Y/N gay?” Jennie asked. “I’m not sure. I’ll ask Jisoo. She keeps calling me hot so I hope so but I don’t know.” Lisa said. What if Y/N wasn’t gay?

“Jisoo unnie! I have a question for you. Is Y/N gay?”

“She is. It was always a secret and she was never happy with herself but I think she’s come to terms with it now. I’m not sure.” Jisoo said.

“Thank you.” Lisa said. She scanned the room to find Y/N. She couldn’t find her until she saw her being pressed against the wall by Yeri. Yeri whispered something in Y/N’s ear which made Y/N smile. Yeri leant into Y/N’s neck and kissed it, which made Y/N smile. Lisa’s eyes narrowed and confidence overtook her. Lisa stomped over to Y/N and Yeri and pulled Y/N’s hand. Yeri stepped back shocked but they barely had anytime to react before Lisa had pulled her away and dragged her across the room. She pressed her against the wall and her eyes were dark and narrow. “Don’t do that.” Lisa said, staring into Y/N’s eyes. “What?” Y/N asked. “Don’t tease me. You know what I’m talking about. Yeri.” “You’re jealous!” “So what if I am?” Lisa asked. Before she knew it, Y/N had leaned forward and kissed Lisa. She grabbed her by the waist and pulled her closer. Lisa’s head was exploding.

The party continued and more people left. Y/N and Lisa were inseparable. Everyone was beginning to sober up by the end and at 2am, the only people left were Red Velvet, Blackpink and Y/N. They sat in the living room, which had been closed off due to the expensive couch and rug. “Thank you for a great night Y/N.” Irene said. “We better be off to bed. We have a show tomorrow night.” Irene, being the leader, made sure her members were not tired for their performances. “Goodnight guys.” Y/N said as they all left. Yeri, Irene and Seugli were in one room, and Joy and Wendy in another.

“Did you enjoy yourselves?” Y/N asked Blackpink. “It was so fun.” Rosé said. “I agree.” Lisa said. “I wonder why you found it so fun.” Jennie teased. Y/N laughed as Lisa turned red, once again. Y/N’s arm was around Lisa so Lisa turned her head into Y/N’s shoulder whilst laughing so the other members couldn’t see her bashful expression. They all laughed at how embarrassed Lisa got. “For rooms, there can be two of you in one, and three in the other, including me. Or, I can go alone and you two can share, and you two.” After much discussion, Jennie and Lisa stayed in one room, Jisoo and Rosé stayed in another and Y/N slept in her own room. They all said their goodnights before disappearing to their selective rooms. “You like her a lot don’t you?” Jennie asked Lisa as she left the bathroom, cleaning her teeth. “I do. She’s been my celebrity crush since her debut and knowing her today has just made it worse.” “She seems to like you back though, she kissed you after all.” Jennie said. Lisa smiled at the thought. “Go say goodnight to her. Turn right and three doors down is her room.” Jennie said. Lisa immediately left and followed Jennie’s instruction. Y/N’s door was open and Lisa stood at the door into her room. She had guitars lined up on the wall and a big microphone attached to the wall, with two big computers on a large desk. Her bed was huge and her duvets were white with sheep on it. Cute. Y/N was sitting at her desk with her back to the door strumming her guitar softly. Lisa knocked lightly and Y/N span around in her chair. “Hey, is everything okay?” Y/N asked. Lisa walked into her room and sat on her bed. “I just came to say goodnight, and to thank you again.” Lisa said. Y/N put her guitar back against the wall and sat next to Lisa on her bed. “It’s okay. I’m glad you enjoyed it.” Y/N said, staring into Lisa’s eyes. “It was fun. I’ve never been to a party like that before.” Lisa said.

“Like what?” Y/N laughed.

“I’m not sure, but it was different. Everyone was more relaxed. It was good.” Lisa said.

Lisa and Y/N shared a moment of silence before they leant in slowly and kissed. Y/N held the side of Lisa’s face as they deepened the kiss. “I should go sleep.” Lisa whispered once they’d pulled away. “Yeah, you should.” Y/N said. Lisa slowly moved away and walked out the door, Y/N watching her as she walked out. Lisa ran down the corridor and burst into the room she was sharing with Jennie. Jennie was laying in bed ready to sleep. Lisa jumped in beside bed and screamed into her pillow. “She kissed you didn’t she?” Jennie said. “Yes.” Lisa breathed. “Told you she liked you back.” Jennie said. Lisa just smiled as she turned off the lamp.

[jeongjaehyuns]

ok since kellie posted her fancam i thought i’d finally stop being lazy and do the same too :’)

i mentioned this a little bit before but earlier this month, i was lucky enough to get tickets to see nct 127 at the apple music event in la and was able to see them perform! this was by far one of the most amazing and intimate experiences i’ve ever been able to be apart of and being able to see nct 127 doing what they do best together is something i’m going to cherish in my heart for a very long time! here is the link to the full playlist of all their performances!! 

underneath the cut will be a much more detailed and in depth account of everything that happened at the event if anyone is interested in reading more about it! ♡

ok hello if there are people who actually decided to keep reading thank u so much and buckle up bc u are in for a riiiiiiiiiide (ridin on that VAAaaaaAAAAan, KEEP dRIVINGGGggGGG) ok anyways! HERE WE GO!

[ ! ] btw the first part is just me talking about everything that happened before the concert so pls feel free to just skip to the last paragraph instead LOL

so when news came out that nct 127 was going to be coming back to the u.s. and perform on jimmy kimmel and that tickets were FREE, my friends and i hi kellie, hi tracey all tried to get some tickets for both the taping and the concert and was able to make it on the waitlist! i don’t live in california but both of my friends do so i told them that if any of us got confirmed tickets, i’d be flying over there for the weekend to attend the show! it’s kind of all a blur now bc the only thing i can remember within that week was stressing out so hard over tickets because the way the whole thing was set up was just SO STRESSFUL because despite being on the waitlist, there is no 100% guarantee that you’d get tickets and they start giving out tickets to people from within a week before the taping to the day of the actual event so really, it was just one massive waiting game. but a week went by and none of us saw any signs of getting tickets and flight ticket prices kept fluctuating for me so i just went ahead and booked my flight anyways without a confirmed ticket pls don’t ever do this omfg please please PLEASE don’t ever do this!!! and PRAYED that one of us would be able to get tickets ;; a few days went by and then nct kept releasing more news and how they’d be performing at mickey mouse’s 90th birthday celebration so tickets for that were also available too and once again, we made it on the waitlist!!! and played not one but now two (2) waiting games!!!! :-)))

honestly i rly don’t remember much that happened during this small time frame bc i was so stressed and anxious over these tickets that it rly took a toll on me physically and mentally LOL but yeah so on wednesday the 3rd, nct 127 posted on their instagram about how they’d be having a special performance partnered with apple music and i was about to start my math exam but the moment i read their post, i ran to the bathroom faster than i’ve ever ran before and of course, i requested tickets and made it on the waitlist again!!!! SO NOW IN TOTAL, IT WAS NOT ONE, BUT THREE (3) WAITING GAMES!!! GAMES THAT I WAS STARTING TO GET SICK OF PLAYING!!! anyways yeah so basically my friends and i made it onto all 3 waiting lists and at this point we really just wanted to be able to make it to at least one event ;;;

fast forward to friday, aka 1 day before mickey mouse and 3 days before kimmel and apple music and also the day my flight leaves for la!!! my friends and i all got a big fat no from mickey mouse saying they wouldn’t be able to accommodate our ticket requests bc they were full so we we re like ok!!! whatevs!!! we still have kimmel and apple to try for!!! so here i am… at the airport… getting ready to leave with no!!! confirmed!!! ticket!!! my flight was quite early in the morning so i was at the airport overnight and it was like around 11:30pm when i was doing homework and i got a notification on my phone… thinking it was just some random notification when in reality, I GOT MY CONFIRMED TICKET FOR THE APPLE MUSIC EVENT :’) it’s a blur to me bc it happened so fast and so suddenly but all i remember was that my jaw literally dropped for the longest time and my hands were shaking so badly bc i cOULDN’T BELIEVE IT??? i wasn’t able to sleep that entire night nor was i able to sleep on the plane from all the adrenaline so that saturday really was an interesting day for me LOL anywho i made it to la safe and sound and spent saturday and sunday hanging out with my friends while we prepared for monday :’)

ok so then despite getting tickets, we had no idea where the location of this event was going to be bc 1iota (the event organizer) wasn’t going to release the information until 10am monday morning and we were planning on waiting in line like early early to get a good spot so we had to be ready and out of the house by 9am!!! bUT WAIT!!! 9am was also when the english version of the mv was going to be released so me and kellie were both !!! bc we wanted to gif the mv so bad!!! so now at this point it’s like 7am and we’re all like half awake trying frantically to get ready and i’m over here trying to stream nct on the radio and listen to the world release of regular eng ver and then somewhere in between all of this, both kellie and tracey ended up getting their emails for confirmed tickets too??? so yeah at this point all three of us are running around like crazy ppl bc we weren’t expecting all of us to go but now all 3 of us get to go!!! so yeah i brought my laptop with me and tried to gif in the car but the connection from my hotspot was so slow so i just sat and cried instead :-) ALSO!!! remember how information about the location was supposed to be released at 10am? yeah well they changed it on us again!!! they delayed it to 2pm so at this point me and kellie rly wanted to d*e bc we did all of that rushing for nothing omfg but fast forward to 2pm, they released the information for the location and since we were already in the hollywood area we went there right away so when we lined up, we were like number 10 in line!!! :D

i wasn’t able to eat at all that entire day just bc i was so stressed and so nervous from everything that the hunger didn’t hit me til like 20 mins before the actual event omg ;;;; i remember saying “omg i’m so hungry” and the girl beside me was like “well sweetie, you’re about to be fed real good rn” and i just died laughing oh my god but yeah i had a priority ticket so i was let in around 7:30pm-ish and the event started at 8! i got barricade again just like last time at kcon ny, my view was reeeeeeally good!! ! i would say even better than kcon’s even tho i was front and center for kcon ;;; back when we were in line, the event organizers kept asking us how we were doing and each time i would tell them that i was super nervous and they’d ask why and i would explain that i just get super nervous before seeing nct omg it’s really true tho idk what it is but i just feel so QUEASY before seeing them… like the fact that you go from seeing them from your screen to seeing them in front of you is just a very STRANGE FEELING FOR ME OK but they kept repeating how we were all going to have a good time and that the space inside was super small so it’s going to be nice and intimate with them and they said how no matter what spot you get, you’re still going to be super close to them… one of the staff members was like “you’re going to be so close to them they’re going to sweat on you” AND GOD THIS JUST MADE ME EVEN MORE NERVOUS KASDJKSAJDKAJDKA

OK ANYWAYS ENOUGH OF THAT, ONTO THE ACTUAL CONCERT! when we got in, the event was actually on a rooftop and so the scenery behind the stage was just soooooo pretty and then they had a playlist of their songs playing in the bg and it was just really nice to listen and enjoy while we waited for them to come out :’) the members kept hiding behind this door and some of them started waving and they were all teasing us so hard bc the moment we saw someone there, we would all start screaming and they just wouldn’t stop :’) then they finally played the apple music documentary video for us and i just remember all of us screaming a lot LOL but then the lights went off again and then we all watched them walk onto the stage one by one and oh my GOD the wait for them to finally start just felt like forever and then next thing i know, the sirens went off and all i hear is “GET IT LIFTED” and then firetruck started omg i was trying to get jaehyun’s attention but then mr. nakamoto yuta… YUTA… looked over on our side and me and him made eye contact for a good solid 3 seconds and i just about lost my shit omg… HE IS SO INSANELY GORGEOUS IN REAL LIFE I WAS RLY GOIN THRU IT… JAEHYUN WHO??? AND THEN HAECHAN OMG… haechan came over to our side like 75% of the time and he is the cutest, most adorable person on this planet!!! he was always smiling and waving and i really can’t think of anything else to describe him other than the sun bc he quite literally was shining that night!!! i think it was halfway through firetruck that we started to realize that the stage was like… a little slippery??? but it wasn’t until limitless started where we really noticed the members starting to slip and stumble here and there ;; also there’s this one part where jaehyun went up super close to me during limitless and i about died… i’ve said this before and i’ll say it again but even after seeing him irl, HE IS SO HANDSOME IT’S UNREAL… HIS VISUALS ARE OUT OF THIS WORLD I CAN’T GET IT OUT OF MY HEAD but yeah the staff members would go on stage after each song to try their best to dry the stage but for some reason that wasn’t enough ;; i have no idea why the stage was so slippery but my guess was that it was pretty cool up on the rooftop and with the amount of people there, there was so much body heat in the air and then that mixed with the cool air = condensation??? i also think the shoes the members were wearing had like absolutely no friction at the bottom so it made them slip even more ;; they were also using a fog machine too but idk if that was actually the reason why the stage was so slipper omg but yeah after firetruck, they performed limitless and then they had a small ment here and mark talked about how it was a very special day for them (bc they just came straight from performing at jimmy kimmel too) and then johnny screamed something along the words of being apple music’s next up next artist and he was just so happy!!!! and then mark said that they’ve got october all to themselves and they were so happy to be able to be here with all of the fans! jaehyun also said that the place was so wonderful and said all the fans there were so wonderful and johnny came in to say that they had rehearsals the night before but being there with all the fans, it was a totally different feeling ;~; after that they performed touch and then when it came to cherry bomb (OT10 VER WITH JUNGWOO BTW), this was when things started to look a little :/// bc taeyong had already fell back during touch and at this point i was already beyond worried bc i would rather have them stop the whole thing all together rather than have them risk getting injured just to perform for us??? i shouted so many times to “be careful” in both korean and english T________T IT WAS LIKE THE DREAM CONCERT ALL OVER AGAIN WHEN THEY PERFORMED IN THE RAIN not to mention they had comeback promotions to do once they back to korea too so i rly just wanted them to stop ;;; i also think the members were all starting to get a little discouraged from all the slipping and stumbling during each performance and it kinda just looked like they were all really sad that they couldn’t put on a perfect performance ;; at this point the stage was soooooo slippery and i think they were more focused on not falling rather than performing and my heart rly just was in pieces ;;; taeyong fell again in cherry bomb during the leg split dance and it looked so painful oh my god i was just so WORRIED and i wanted it all to stop so bad ;~; but after cherry bomb ended, i think the members went back down to talk to the staff and then they came back up with different shoes! but finally!!! alas, they performed regular!!! since they switched shoes, the performance went pretty smoothly so i felt a little at ease! taeil, doyoung and mark were still wearing their original shoes so there were a few times when they slipped a little but thank god none of them actually fell ;; despite the song being a released earlier that morning, a lot of the fans did really well in learning the fanchants and singing along with the boys so i think it really helped in boosting the members’ confidence after the prior performances ;; there was a small ment here and doyoung talked and johnny translated it saying how basically the members felt really apologetic that they couldn’t put on good performances bc of the slippery stage and i was yelling with all the energy i had left in my that it was ok!!! that they were doing amazing and that they shouldn’t feel sorry!!! IT WAS KILLING ME INSIDE THAT THEY FELT THIS ASKDJKASDJAKJSDKD I WANTED TO ACTUALLY D*E but then they promised they’d come back to show an even better performance and doyoung held up his lil pinky!!! and then johnny asked how taeyong was doing and he answered back “i’m okay!!!” IN THE CUTEST WAY POSSIBLE… I JUST WANTED TO GIVE HIM ONE BIG FAT HUG T________________T and then taeyong said the last mission they had left was to take a picture with the fans and took out the selfie stick to take a picture with everyone! it was so cute TwT 

but yeah, overall the whole experience was really really amazing minus the slippery stage and for the most part, i was really impressed with how organized 1iota was! i’m really grateful i got to be apart of it and it still feels like a dream that i got to attend the event and see them perform and promote their new album here in america!!! they were amazing performers and did so well despite everything! i was really really proud of them ;; anyways, thank you to everyone that made it this far!!! i hope you enjoyed this fan account! i know it’s a super long post but if i don’t write it all out now while it’s still somewhat fresh in my mind, i’m going to forget it by the end of the month so i hope you all understand! thank you so much! ♡

[jj-ktae]

GOT7 In Paris Experience  !

First of all and before I start fangirling, let me tell you one thing : GOT7 LIVE IS DAMN LIT IT WILL BLOW YOUR MIND.

Let me start with the beginning.

It all began when our plane landed. I was with my sister and we were supposed to meet @jaebeomsmullet at the airport, which was a day before the concert.

It was kind of crazy that our plane landed 2 hours before GOT7’s flight. We were on GATE 2D and GOT7 were supposed to arrive at GATE 2F which is like, super close. We initially had to go to our Airbnb but you know, people were waiting for them and I thought it would be cool to have just a tiny look. Never thought we’d actually see them this CLOSE later!

It was insane. Yes. Everyone was running around, yelling, pushing, and I was so shocked to see this. I was able to see them before they walked out of the airport.

Actually an old lady, who was waiting for her daughters to see GOT7, came to us and told us “hey, why are you waiting here, they are right there!” while pointing another direction. I was like “meh, she must be mistaken.” But still I told my sis and Jen to wait for me wait and followed her and BOOM, this old lady took me to GOT7. Like, she just pointed and they were there, and no one had seen them yet and I was like “WTH THIS IS GOT7” lol So I texted my sis so she could bring Jen because they were still waiting near the gates.

It was nice, I asked the security to move from in front of them so I could take pictures and they just went “oh, sorry, there you go.” And walked away lmao.  I mostly watched them after I took a couple of pictures, too ashamed to take more, especially when Jackson looked up and saw me haha (at this moment he instantly became a HUGE BIAS WRECKER, ASK JEN.)

So they walk to the Gate’s doors and this is when everyone runs and goes wild. We just walk away, thinking they will escape the opposite way but they lowkey just walk toward us as they were taking the same exit and I just remember watching Jinyoung in his “Parisien” outfit, in awe, while yelling to Jen ‘DON’T MOVE THEY WILL CRUSH YOU” lol I saw all the fangirls and fansites run toward us and I thought we were going to die lmao.

This is when I start realizing I just saw GOT7 and I barely landed in Paris lol. I have my luggage and pictures/videos of GOT7 (Bambam and Yugyeom waved at us before people noticed them but I was watching Jinyoung so I only saw when I watched the video I took with Jen on the way to the Airbnb lol). 

Then my friends tell us people are ALREADY queueing in front of Le Zenith and I’m like WTF I need to be front raw I didn’t come all the way here for that and Jen, who had CAT A tickets needed to be close IT WAS MY DUTY TO LET HER SEE HER MULLET OKAY, I PROMISED HER.

So, later that day, and after a lot of anxiety and panic, we end up in front of the concert hall AT 11PM THE DAY BEFORE THE CONCERT. It’s raining, everyone’s wild, the park around the venue is DANGEROUS AT NIGHT but who cares, we grab survival blankets (Jen falls asleep at some point while I cover her body from the cold lol) and we good for the night. It was honestly crazy, we ended up running around because we needed to pee in this dark place at 4am, full of drunken men (the French Fanbase had to call the police at some point as men were fighting) well, I’ll spare you the details but this night was wild but we had our numbers. I was number 32 in the VIP section and Jen was 39 (I guess ?) in the CAT A section. So far everything’s good and I know I’ll be front raw, Jen will be close, and everything will be alright.

At 7am, we get our last numbering and go back to the Airbnb BUT OH WELL I get a call at 9 telling us to come back because the venue’s security decided to do another numbering and we can lose our numbers? At this point we’re sleep deprived, starving, in need of energy but we have to run back there? Thank god our Airbnb is like 8 mins from the concert or else I would have gone NUTS.

So we go back, I tell Jen to survive and fight if needed (fangirls are MEAN. Let me tell you, everyone was fighting.) The VIP section was a mess and the CAT A was WORSE.

Around 12pm. THE GUY FROM MMT (JIN) SHOWS UP, FINALLY. AND HE TELLS US WE WILL KEEP OUR NUMBERS. Thumbs up to Jin-ssi, I also sent him hearts. My boi.

At some point, Jen is lost into the CAT A crowd and I have no way to find her because the sections are separated and CLOSED. My final number is 51 (they added the TOP 10 tastemakers who had TWO VIPS TICKETS + Two handicapped people who had to enter to before us). They tell us to come back at 3PM because they will start organizing people since the High Touch will be BEFORE THE CONCERT. Like we needed to die before they even start singing lol.

Jen is nowhere to be seen. The last message I get from her is “People are fighting” And I’m like Damn it will she die before she sees her mullet.

SPOILER : SHE SURVIVED.

I grab my bracelet with my official entrance number and go back to the Airbnb because I had slept outside and had to come back before I even took a shower. I literally feel like shit.

We had enough of the bullshit at some point lol. But when we come back and have to wait again,  Mark, Jaebum and Youngjae appear and run down the building’s stairs while laughing lol

SO NOW ON TO THE GOOD PART.

We wait for more than 2 HOURS. They made us come at 3pm but the High Touch starts around 6PM.

A guy comes numerous times with a camera and runs around, filming the VIP Section while we’re dying under the sun. YAY GOOD TIMES.

We enter and then they tell us “You’ll be doing the high five with your left hand so remove the rings and everything hanging on your hand. NO CAMERA, NO CELLPHONE, NOTHING.”

They give us water and the staff goes “NOW DRINK.” GOT7’s Staff is really cool and chill, they’re smiling and happy to see us but it’s already so hot inside we’re dying. They tell us to smile, to be happy, that everything’s going to be awesome and we know this, WE KNOW THIS IS GOING TO BE EXTRA.

Then they tell us to walk as it’s about to start and I slowly lose my mind. I’m thankful I saw them the day before at the airport as I won’t have the “I’m seeing them for the first time” moment, which could make me go blank lol

The order goes like: MARK, JINYOUNG, YOUNGJAE, JAEBUM, JACKSON, BAMBAM, YUGYEOM.

Mark is the first I see from afar, he is very smiley and GORGEOUS. They looked different from the no makeup at the airport and I went blind for a second. Or died. OR both. Mark is very gentle, he hits so slowly and smiles and his sweet voice goes “Hey~" and all I can say is “…Hi…”. He has an amazing smile and isn’t that TINY. I was expecting him to be smaller but no, NOPE. He takes time to look at everyone in the eyes and I thank him for that. 12/10 would recommend.

Jinyoung. JINYOUNG. I don’t even have the time to speak because he goes “HI!” and boom, hits my hand so hard it flies away and laughs. Like, I can see his wrinkles and dimples and his face is ART. ARRRRTTT. He looks so HAPPY and SOFT. Like he is ready to be fluffy and honestly I was expecting him to be cool and greet everyone calmly but he is so EXCITED. He can’t stop smiling! AGAIN, I just go “..Hi..”

Youngjae is a damn sunshine. He goes “HHHIIIIIIIIIII!!!!” super loudly and does a very energetic high five with his sunshine self. I don’t remember his face fully as I didn’t look at him in the eyes. Jinyoung’s face was still HAUNTING ME. I just remember saying “Hey..” with my traumatized voice. I probably look stupid at some point.

Jaebum. LOL I CANT. I CANNNT. HE IS AMAZING. I wasn’t going to talk to them or anything so I wasn’t expecting them to TALK lol. The girl before me says “You’re voice is beautiful” and walks away and as I arrive in front of him he is shyly saying “..ah..Gomawo…” AND HIS VOICE IS EXACTLY THE SAME. I look at him, he looks at me, and says “..Hi!.”, leans and gently taps his hand against mine. AND HE SMILES. I MEAN, WHEN I SAY GENTLY, IT MEANS, VERY SOFTLY. It’s not even a high five anymore tbh. WHERE THE HELL IS CHIC JAEBUM WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM WHY IS HE SO SOFT AND SMILING AND BEAUTIFUL WTF. As usual, I say “Hi..” and TRY not to FAINT.

Jackson. SO yep. YEP. Listen to me, Jackson has SUNGLASSES. It’s IMPOSSIBLE to see his eyes (I think it’s because he was wearing lenses and didn’t want us to see, which I didn’t know yet.) And yeah, so far everyone had their hands up, ready to high five us but Jackson has his hand down, palm up, and is waiting like the king he is. I am kinda confused, what should I do? Hit his hand? Shake it ? NO. I am SO WEIRD, I just stop, look at his face, grin, and molest his hand. For real, I run my fingers on his palm, lowkey smirking and I LITERALLY CARESS HIS DAMN HAND. I think I make a weird, smug noise because I’m enjoying myself a bit too much. Don’t ask me why. It just happened. Then I grab it and squeeze his hand and he is just standing, not moving, he lets me harass his hand and it ends up in a sort of weird handshake lol WE DON’T TALK. I DON’T EVEN GREET HIM, I JUST CLAIM HIS HAND. CAN YOU BELIEVE I DIDN’T EVEN SAY A WORD, CAN YOU BELIEVE I ACTED LIKE A CREEP? FML. By the way, His hand felt very small. EH EH EH.

AND THEN BAMBAM INTERRUPTS AND YELLS. HE FCKING YELLS “HEYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!” while leaning toward Jackson and I snap out of it lmao He lifts his hand and I say “ᴴᵉʸ ᴮᵃᵐᵐᵐᵐ” (My soul is gone at some point, do not blame me tyvm). Bambam is loud but very friendly. I don’t remember much from Bambam because I just can’t believe this is happening.

Yugyeom. That lil shit acts all shy. He is half bowing half embarrassed. I don’t even know why he just looks very shy and red and has a bright smile and mumbles “..H..HI.”  Like he doesn’t hump the floor regularly. Don’t believe this kid. DO NOT be fooled. HE KNOWS. He is also very gentle and then it’s time to enter the hall and I run for my life again.

I end up front raw. Bambam takes my friend’s crown “Bambam king of Dab”, bump his fist with us, does the Wakanda sign. We were a group of 15 and everyone had interactions. Youngjae bends to shake our hands, Jackson leans a lot and STARES. I don’t know why he stares at people all the time, but he always looks at someone. Yugyeom too. Overall, Jackson and Yugyeom stayed a lot in front of where I was, but everyone came and greeted us. I think they kinda have to stay around some specific parts of the stage thorough the concert.

Our fan projects were awesome, and we threw green balloons during the first chorus of You Are, and Jaebum looked SO HAPPY. Later he said “It was beautiful when you threw the green balloons. It makes me want to keep on being an artist.”

They were not expecting people in Paris to be so wild. Everyone was stomping the floor so hard that Mark said “It seems you’re having fun; I’m almost getting scared.”  

Jackson said he will never forget this moment, Bambam said if he could come secretly, he would like to come to Paris and stay for a couple of months lol.

Yugyeom was stomping the floor a lot because he wanted us to do it too and at some point even the screens on both sides of the stage were shaking.

Oh and two of my friends made a heart during Firework (If I remember well), Jinyoung saw them and lift his hand like it was a sword and CUT THEIR HEART lol. So many of these interactions happened, I could write a whole lot more about it but it’s long enough already haha.

I was right in front of one of the security staff and I would like to thank them for being there! He gave us water during the concert, was funny and respectful and even told us “If they bend to grab your phones, give it to me and I’ll give it to them.” But no one did, maybe because people from the previous concerts THREW THEIR PHONES AT THEM.

TO CONCLUDE : IT WAS THE BEST MOMENT OF MY LIFE NOW LET ME CONTINUE WITH MY POST-CONCERT-BREAKDOWN. I have some videos and i’ll try to upload them because they’re very close to the stage but I suck at editing and I have to put credit and I have no idea how to do that  without messing with the video lol :/// You can find awesome fancams on youtube and all over twitter, though! 

Sorry for the typos!

ps : Every time Jackson looked at me he had the “you’re the hand fetishist girl” stare 😭😭😭 

[dailyjeons]

BTS account 13/10/18

didn’t do merch cause i did that in london, didnt go for studio cause that was probably not feasible with how our lines were going (at least i was too scared to do it).. sucks cause i didnt get allowed into the london booth while in the amsterdam booth everyone was queue-ing up anyways and getting in lol

bolding the subjects so you can skip parts that dont interest you

pre concert stuff So I was going to the concert with a person(Julie) I met through tumblr, she responded to my message asking if people wanted to queue up in GA with me cause I was alone. She was with a group of people and they basically adopted me so that was nice!!  Julie was super kind, constantly looking out for me, for my anxiety too and just I really loved being with her, time really flew!! We prioritized looking out for eachother over seeing the boys so I was really happy bout that! We basically queued up at 7AM in the 'unofficial line' that later on became the official one! Campers were sent out, I believe, but they probably came back early still! We still had a fairly decent spot I suppose? The camping out itself wasn't too stressful but I had a lot of anxiety bout being in the pit in a crowd of people, not havin bathroom breaks and being on 2 hours of sleep gjkfg Julie tried to reassure me through all of that. there were some fans giving out some stuff in the line!! like arts and stuff and i got this from a jimin fansite, i think she was japanese? 

it was so funny basically she did rock paper scissors with fans to determine if they’d win.. i lost but she gave it to me anyways?? LOL she didnt give it to anyone else that lost LOL

gettin into pit Eventually we got in and fortunately my tickets worked!! We like rushed into the left side but the view was not bad, ok, then we tried for the right side and we got similar views? But I think overall it was just a little better! We were around the sixth/fifth row in the pit but we moved up a bit to the fifth/fourth during the concert. I had a fairly good view on the stage, and could see the boys clearly!! I still used my iphone to film cause of the amazing quality zoom it has and i have so much gooood footage ahhhh my hands are super shaky though so thats annoying but oh well, its something! they like handed out water very often thank god so i could cool off and drink durin the concert!! we had to stand for like 3 hours inside so i was getting really nervous but once the concert started it was fine!!

concert Anyways the concert itself was mindblowing? They're actually sosososo good live it's actually insane how they sing live through their choreo or while bouncing around. Tear is still my favorite performance but the crowd went a little too wild around then so i didnt enjoy it as much :( They also did the medley I prefered (w Baepsae) which made so happy cause i got to experience both medleys now jdskfhfsdf.. i do feel like the performances were better for the London date, but the interactions and the boys happiness were on a much higher level in Amsterdam, especially with jungkook flying around trying to dance!! That said I felt like the crowd fell a little bit flat.. When the Jimin/Namjoon VCR was playing everyone was screaming initially for both but after a hot minute they like only screamed for Jimin?? The silence was actually deafening so Julie and I decided to help with Namjoon's screams then, and it was so disappointing we were legitimately the only 2 people screaming for him in such a venue lol. Crowd did however go wild at Kim Seokjin's performance, and IT'S WHAT HE DESERVES. Overall I think Seokjin and Jimin had the best reactions in Amsterdam, and London both.

impressions on boys As for the boys. Gonna be honest with y'all I was so busy filming Jungkook solo all day that I didn't really notice others?? fdjkghdf since i already had thel ondon date i figured today was jungkook's day now i had sights on him proper.. Some notes, Yoongi, Jimin and Namjoon spoke some Dutch and it was super cute!! Yoongi did it first fjgdkhfdg 

Yoongi: Super smol but big hands, and fluffy cheeks (he bloats really easily lolol) his see saw performance was REALLY good today too, i feel like reaction to seesaw is the best, everyone's always singing the whole song w it while most of the crowd struggled with their title tracks in both london and amsterdam LOLLL yoongi must be so proud over it.. also he's the first to speak in dutch to us but it was like really suddenly right before they were performing so nobody really noticed fjghkdfg and u know when he makes a dad joke and he smiles flustered, but nobody reacts to his jokes.. he did that thing LOLLL

Namjoon; very long and slender, his legs are legit 70% of his body and he went offffff today like when he's into shit like tear i cry cuz oh my god merCY kjdfhgdhjkfg Namjoon seemed to really love Amsterdam tbh he kept talking bout stuff to do while the others had fairly standard stuff to say, with a lot of repeat from the london concert too (which is fine vconsidering its hard for themt o speak in eng too)

Hoseok: He looks a lot sharper irl?? im not sure if i said differently last time, but now i saw him up close he's definitely much more handsome, cameras dont do him justice.. also he always has the most gentle smile on his face and it calmed me down a lot jkfgh

Taehyung: tbh im not sure if i missed him but i didnt really see him on my side a lot? i think like a few times i tried to film but couldnt really get it..?? julie did tho.. he's kind of.. small? but not small like yoongi but small like i'd confuse him for a high school kid.. BUT his face?? is really smth else his face is SO small but his features are sooooooo big and sharp.. god himself shaped this boy

Jin: ok yeah this man is 10000% more handsome irl liek i was filmin jk and lost focus and then jin appeared and i almost dropped my phone cause what the fuck?? hes GORGEOUS.. he didnt do the forehead/glasses look today though, unfortuantely cause jesus christ that was something else. he was bein a crackhead to jk again today rofll

jimin: he's legit a fairy irl lol it doesnt make sense.. like.. he's... really pretty....... super super super pretty, guys like legitimiately glowing.. he was super playful today and he seemed really happy to perform on his birthday which is super pure considering.. who likes working on their birthday? he like moved his dressshirt/blouse off shoulder a bit during the fake love portion of the set and oh ym god h..e..........HE... his collar... i want 2 kiss it.......platonically.

as for jimin's birthday.. omg he's so cute? they were at the extended stage when his birthday message came up (a message in dutch) and he like instantly rushed back to the main stage to show off his birthday message and he proceeded to talk in dutch about how it's his birthday, and how army are his gift?? it was suuuper cute!! imagine Jimin practicing his dutch just for this moment fdgkjhdf

jungkookie!!

Anyways onto ma boy!! Jungkook is absolutely unreal pretty. He didn't look as bloated/pained today so i guess i saw The Jungkook today and he's so.. sharp looking??? like his jawline and cheekbones are insane and like the dimple?? ughhhhh he looked a lil smaller now i was upclose but his thighs were still gods gift.. also he did forehead kookie instead of coconut kookie, i remain blessed.. he always hears my prayers..

throughout the show he was honestly super cute, he kept dancing in his chair to the choreo, spinning in circles while doing it, hopping around the stage slowly to wave and look at every fan.. he even looked towards me at some point but i legitimately dodged and turned away cause like I FELT SO GReaYS ANd i'd rather not have him see me like that lmaooo anyways it's so super cute how despite his injury he still tries to give it his all at all times, and now he could walk around he's instantly back at trying to make interactions with all fans?? a precious baby honestly!!

his ending ment was really-really sweet as well and it always amazes me how eloquent he can get when he gets to share us his real feelings.. i really am glad he's not too disappointed in himself anymore and has reached a point where he's just working on getting better instead<3!!

other than that, just like in london.. jungkook's vocals are insane. i don't care that he's not top tier vocalist in terms of technique but he got smth completely else and thats' how comffortably he can move around in his range and remain stable and it's just.. so amazing to hear him hit certain notes with almost.. ease? voice never cracks even after 23948234 songs it's so sickkkk

anyways this was definitely one of the best nights in my life.. despite allt hes tress and anxiety.. i’m sosoosos glad i went through all of this for that.. i had the greatest company and ended up having the greatest experience<3

[thedarklordmegatron]

Cor/Regis pretty please

I’ve never really considered this ship before but now I have I’m in love! They work so well!!!! @kay-mika I’m sorry this didn’t go up yesterday, but I hope this is okay!

Send me a ship and I’ll tell you

who hogs the duvet

It’s all out war between them every evening. After accidentally tearing one duvet and spending an hour laughing over it, they both agreed on buying two separate duvets. That being said, despite having one each, someone still ends up shivering at 3 o’clock in the morning because the other decided he needs two duvets to sleep!

who texts/rings to check how their day is going

Whenever he has a spare moment Regis likes to drop Cor a text, trying to find out how his day is going and more importantly if he’s insulted and/or maimed any Councillors/Nobles since he saw him last. 

who’s the most creative when it comes to gifts

Regis comes up with the best gifts. Cor’s never really been one for material goods, though he won’t say no to some fluffy socks and warm jumpers (He can’t stand being cold, for reasons he’s never told Regis). So naturally Regis takes this as a challenge. It started during their roadtrip and has carried on ever since, some years he’s successful and others are complete failures - not that Cor ever tells him, but Regis knows. 

One of his most creative and emotional gifts came in the form of a single brown envelope. From a very young age Cor has wondered about his parents, unable to remember them beyond the colour of their hair. It had taken years of research and far too much money, but he’d tracked them down - or at least, his staff had. He’d accompanied Cor to the graveyard the same afternoon and held him that evening as he cried.

who gets up first in the morning

Cor is always the first one up. He doesn’t even need an alarm, years of conditioning mean he can’t physically sleep in past 7am at the very latest. While Regis sleeps, he’ll stroll around the apartments, cleaning up any remaining messes from the evening before and preparing breakfast. Three mugs of coffee, one for himself and two for Regis, alongside various fresh fruits and yogurts. The smell of the coffee is usually enough to draw the King out of his bed, even if he does look half-dead. 

who suggests new things in bed

Surprisingly enough, or perhaps not, Cor is anything but vanilla in bed. The first time Regis discovered this side of him, he nearly had a heart attack from the shock rather than anything else. Not that he’s complaining. Most of the time Cor will suggest things when their either eating dinner or reading before going to sleep - either way, he always does it with a straight face as though they were discussing reports. 

who cries at movies

It depends on the film! Regis is most likely to blubber when something emotional happens, especially if it concerns children, but Cor has been known to cry at certain films. Most of the time it’s war films that get to him, most hitting far too close to home, however if it involves an animal dying or going missing you can bet there’ll be tears in his eyes.

who gives unprompted massages

Cor is the King of unprompted massages. Regis will be relaxing on the couch, his legs stretched out in front of him while he reads or watches the TV, when Cor will appear out of nowhere. He carefully shifts Regis’ legs out of the way before sliding onto the couch, pulling his legs into his lap and carefully massaging his right leg. He’s well aware of how much pain Regis is in daily and takes pleasure in helping him however he can, even if it’s something as simple as a leg massage.

who fusses over the other when they’re sick

It’s not often that Cor gets ill, he has a pretty impressive immune system, but when he does get ill it’s usually something very serious. Most of the time ending up with him in the infirmary for a week or so. When this happens Regis will send as many hours as possible by his bedside, waving away Clarus and the doctors when they try to get him to go back to his apartments - if only for a shower. Even once Cor is deemed healthy enough to go home, Regis is constantly hovering around him, watching for any signs of a potential relapse. Cor was once forced to climb out of the kitchen window and scale the side of the Citadel to escape Regis’ watchful gaze. 

who gets jealous easiest

He’ll deny it if anyone ever points it out, but Cor gets insanely jealous, not that many people actively flirt with the King of Lucis. However, occasionally a noblewoman or man, will try their luck and if Clarus isn’t trying to usher them away, Cor will be there in a heartbeat. Hovering behind Regis and glaring at the offending party until they slink away.

who has the most embarrassing taste in music

Regis has the absolute worst taste in music. Anyone who has ever had the pleasure of going through his CD collection or his music library will tell you that. Cor absolutely refuses to let him be the DJ when they’re driving, the last time he did he came away from the trip with ‘Spice Up Your Life’ stuck in his head for days.

who collects something unusual

Cor collects bottlecaps. He has a small chest full of them that’s he’s picked up in his travels. Whenever he returns from covert missions, Regis knows that there’ll be a small bag full of them tucked away somewhere. He isn’t one for proudly showing off his spoils, but he also won’t complain when Regis sits beside him while he sorts them out and checks for any doubles. 

who takes the longest to get ready

Since becoming King Regis usually takes over an hour to get ready in the morning, even with Cor’s help. In the beginning it would take them forty minutes to get his regalia on, what with the frankly ridiculous number of layers. However as the years go on and the Ring takes its toll on his body, it takes him longer. There are times when they have to stop halfway through so he can catch his breathe and let his muscles rest for a moment, and when this happens Cor will kneel in front of him and massage the sore limbs until Regis feels strong enough again.

who is the most tidy and organised

Cor is an absolute clean freak, he cannot stand things being out of place and don’t get him started on dirty surfaces. Having spent most of his childhood living on the streets in permanent filth, desperately bundling up his meagre possessions in the corner of whatever alley he’d made his home that night, he refuses to allow himself to go back to that. Six knows how many things he’d lost by accidentally leaving them behind or losing them amongst the rubbish. As a result he loves having everything organised and in it’s place, knowing that if he needs it, it’ll still be there.

who gets most excited about the holidays

Regis is like a child when it comes to the holidays. It’s like he saves up his energy specifically for those few days. He goes all out on the decorations. The Citadel might have a light dusting of festive cheer, but their apartments is another thing entirely. It’s like Regis bought an entire store’s worth of decorations and was determined to use absolutely everything, including the confetti on the table. Birthdays? Confetti. Shiva’s Day? Confetti. Astrals Eve? So. much. damn. confetti. It gets everywhere and he honestly hates it but he’ll accept it if it makes Regis happy.

who is the big spoon/little spoon

They switch on a regular basis. It depends on who wants what that night. Most of the time however, Regis enjoys being the little spoon.

who gets most competitive when playing games and/or sports

Cor hates losing. No, he detests it. Even when playing a simple child’s game with the Prince and his friends, he refuses to go easy on them. Regis gave up on attempting to get him to loosen up years ago. 

who starts the most arguments

It’s not often that they argue, but when they do it gets nasty. Regis is the one to start the majority of the arguments, primarily because he’s so concerned over how willingly Cor puts himself in danger. He loves his partner and couldn’t imagine his life without him, but sometimes he wants nothing more than to slap some sense into him. Cor, of course, takes offence at being told he’s reckless and defends himself which just continues to get nastier until Clarus or whatever Guard is on duty is forced to physically separate them.

who suggests that they buy a pet

Regis mentions it every now and then, hinting that a cat or dog might be good company for him when Cor’s away on missions, but nothing ever comes from it. They’re just suggestions because while both would like a pet, Cor having had a pet rat when he was younger (his only friend), they know it’s not a feasible idea. They work too much and would hardly have the time to give an animal the attention and love it would need.

what couple traditions they have

Every Thursday without fail, so long as Cor is actually in Insomnia, they’ll finish work by 5pm at the very latest - claiming important meetings - and meet back at home. Most of the time Cor will already be there, dressed in his comfiest sweatpants and baggiest t-shirt, preparing dinner. Regis will shuffle into the bedroom and slip on his pyjamas before joining Cor. They’ll finish up cooking and retreat to the couch with their plates and glasses of wine. While Regis settles himself on the couch, Cor will close up the curtains. Once all that’s out of the way, they’ll pick a TV series to binge and spend the rest of the evening there. 

what tv shows they watch together

The Secret Lives of Glaives - A parody show about what the Kingsglaive get up to in their spare time. Though if Cor’s face is anything to go by, not all of the stories are made up.

Chocobos, Green and Chicks Oh My! - A documentary on every day life at Wiz’s Chocobo Ranch. They’d been there once in their youth and ever since then Regis has loved the birds, and if Cor’s completely honest with himself he does love watching the Chicks grow up. 

There’s a tonne of other tv shows they binge regularly, but those are their favourite two.

what other couple they hang out with

There literally are no other couples they can ‘hang out’ with. The closest they ever get to it is formal dinners with other nobles, though Cor will often wriggle his way out of those. 

how they spend time together as a couple

Outside of their official duties, they love just lazing around together. There’s always so much pressure on their shoulders that it’s nice to just do nothing, be it cuddling or attempting the 5000 piece puzzle Noctis bought Regis two birthday’s ago. (Cor swears that the thing is evil and the pieces are cursed)

who made the first move

It was actually Cor who made the first move. It took him a while to realise that Regis was subtly flirting with him, and that the platonic hugs lasted a little longer than those shared between friends. Finally, with a promise for Clarus to give them an hour alone during the New Years Celebrations, Cor makes his move. He and Regis were quietly talking on the Royal Balcony attached to the Ballroom when Clarus shut the doors. Regis had been confused by the action until Cor had grabbed hold of his face and said ‘You can fire me afterwards if you don’t feel the same’ before kissing him. Needless to say no one was fired and neither man spent the evening alone.

who brings flowers home

Regis brings all sorts of flowers to Cor. Sometimes he’ll collect bouquets from the Citadel’s gardens, the gardeners helping him select one that conveys love and affection while also looking visual appealing. Other times he’ll convince Clarus or his guard for the day to sneak him out to the nearest Florist. 

The owner has long since gotten used to the King showing up out of the blue and makes sure to take him into the back room to keep him hidden from any passing customers. Regis loves his trips there because of the various smells and the general pleasant feeling he gets being surrounded by so many flowers. These bouquets are always larger than those from the gardens, and are filled with bright colours with a Lily or two hidden amongst the others - they’re Cor’s favourites. Each bouquet brings a smile to Cor’s face and takes pride of place in the centre of their living room until the last bloom dies.

who is the best cook

Cor is by far the best cook! He loves experimenting with different food combinations and coming up with some recipes of his own. Regis is always happy to try his creations, often perching himself on one of the stools in the kitchen in order to watch him work. (And if he gets to nom on the extras while Cor is cooking then that’s just a bonus!)

[dailydoseofzhi]

Daily Entry #32 (27/03/2021)

I pulled an all-nighter last night calling my friends. By the time Daddy texted me around 4:30am, I was still on a call with them. I saw an incoming call from him & picked up (after muting my friends & turning off my camera) as I love talking to Daddy. We ended up calling for about an hour as he drove to the farm - I stayed on the call with my friends the entire time, just muted & all. When Daddy called me, he noticed that I wasn’t wearing my choker and asked me about it. I admitted that I’d worn it up till the moment I started calling my friends, and that I’d taken it off because I didn’t want them to ask me why I was wearing a choker to sleep. However, Daddy reminded me that the choker makes me feel good & that I shouldn’t care about the questions; he also basically said that I’d wear it if he was truly important to me. The moment he said that, I went to get it & put it on as Daddy genuinely means the world to me. He is my world. So I don’t want him to think otherwise by not wearing the choker. 

Once our call ended, I spoke to my friends (while wearing the choker) for another 2 hours before I fell asleep. They asked me why I’d suddenly come back wearing a choker, to which I just said that I felt like it. They kinda gave me an odd look but I think they’re used to my shenanigans, therefore did not question me much further. I fell asleep on the call (around 7am) and woke up at 9am. Though I’d only gotten 2 hours of sleep, I still felt pretty good; I guess calling Daddy had put me into a really good mood.. I exercised & cleaned my room; and then started to get ready to go out for a friend’s birthday lunch. To show Daddy how important he is to me & how much I value wearing a choker, I opted to wear the white collar-like choker that he really likes; I feel the most slave like in it.

On the way to my friend’s hotpot birthday lunch, I had to pick up a cake for him that his girlfriend had booked at a nearby bakery. It was black forest, so I eagerly showed Daddy that because I remember it was his fav cake flavour. I don’t know why little things like that make me so happy. Like, I guess I like knowing little details about my Daddy. I had a good lunch & got back home around 4pm. I then baked some cookies (for another friend’s care package) and then got changed into a black tank top & my short plaid skirt from Shein. Though Daddy and I weren’t chatting at the time, I still sent him a lot of snaps as I went along throughout my day so that he’d know what his bitch was up to at every point during the day. I guess I like when he’s updated and stuff, because it makes me feel even more owned by him. I couldn’t find my biker shorts and I didn’t know if I had permission to wear panties or not, so I went to the party at night bare under my skirt. 

The party was honestly so fun; it had such a good vibe.. There was a sushi boat & the people who were invited were super chill. I got invited to tag along to an AirBnB to get high but I opted not to as I’d already done so on Tuesday, and I wanted to obey Daddy and his “one cone a week” rule. There was also a vape being passed around; I’ll admit that I was mad tempted but I didn’t want to risk losing Daddy to that. Instead, I just danced a lot and had many, many shots. Initially we were just toasting w/ vodka shots, but then we played some drinking games and whatnot. it was a huge party: girls outnumbered single guys massively, though the host’s older brother had a lot of his friends over (though since they’re in my sister’s year, they’re kinda like “out of bounds” as they see me as a little sister). All in all, I had like 13 shots & started to feel really, really clingy for my Daddy. Like insanely needy. I spammed him loads, and when he replied to me, drunk me kinda forgot about his living situation so I tried to call him because I just wanted to hear his voice so badly. He sent me a video snap telling me that he loved me though, and I think that made my night. Daddy ordered me to get off my phone & go enjoy myself with my friends, but all I wanted to do was talk to him. I’m very honest when I’m drunk; I guess I lose my filter.. So I kept asking him for reassurance that he truly saw a future with me/ that I still made him happy, to which he told me to trust him. Tbh, recently I’ve started feeling like I can’t even see a future for myself. So knowing that he sees a future with me gives me hope to keep holding on for something. I thought about this a lot while I was drunk.. I would never ever harm myself or take my own life if Daddy left me, I know I wouldn’t. But I recently realised that there’s not a lot that I think is worth living for. At this point, I’m pretty much alive just because I don’t want to hurt my parents. And before Daddy texted me, though I was having fun w/ friends, I was having some pretty dark thoughts I’ll admit. They had nothing to do with him; more like me just realising that sometimes, I don’t really want to be alive. At the time, being drunk & all, it hadn’t occurred to me that if I took my own life, I’d be taking myself from him as well. As I write this sober, I feel so selfish for thinking about taking Daddy’s property away from him - so I know I wouldn’t. He’s kinda like my beacon in the dark; when I’m lost in my own thoughts, his presence makes everything better. As I always tell him, he’s like my painkiller. I just hope the effect he has on me doesn’t wear off because he really does lift all the dark thoughts away & make my life so much better. 

Anyway, after texting him for a bit, my spirits were massively boosted & I felt mad horny (especially after seeing Daddy’s face). I sexted him a little bit, and tried to tease him a little bit in the bathroom mirror while I was peeing. That’s when Daddy told me he wanted to take advantage of me, and asked me to go suck a cock for him. I tried my best to: my sister’s friends were out of bounds, so were the taken guys.. A large group of guys had also left the party briefly to go get high (as the host said no smoking green on her property) so there really only were two potential targets. The Korean dude is pretty much asexual; like all his friends say that & he’s once told me that he has a right hand for a reason lol. So I tried for the Columbian guy. We ended up in the bathroom & he was leaning against me - I don’t think he was drunk but he was a bit stoned from a marijuana juice vape. I asked him if I could suck his cock but he wanted to make out first. I tried my best to divert him away from that & just let me get to business, but he kept pushing me against the wall and trying to kiss me. Eventually I just said nevermind & he let me leave; idk if Daddy wanted me to kiss him to get the cock sucking video but I didn’t want to incase Daddy didn’t approve of that. By then it was 11pm; my ride was coming in about a half hour. Thankfully, the group of guys had returned & among them was a Kiwi guy that I know has eyes for me. He came over to sit near me & chat, and we spoke for about 15mins before I asked if he wanted to go into the bathroom: which he did. There, he kinda felt me up a little bit while we talked some more & then I asked him if I could suck his cock. He was a bit curious when I asked him if he could record me doing it on MY phone and not his. I didn’t even end up getting to do it because my friend texted me saying her mum had arrived to take us home. I did snap a selfie w/ him while in the bathroom to show Daddy as proof that I’d tried though. Tbh, the Kiwi guy is super nice - he’s headboy for my school & all, and we get along quite a bit but the whole time we were in the bathroom, all I could think about was Daddy. Like I knew that I was only there because I wanted to complete Daddy’s task: nothing more. I was wet, but for Daddy and due to thoughts of Daddy. I felt a bit disappointed that I wasn’t able to complete his task, but Daddy reassured me that it was okay & that at least I had tried to obey him.

On the carride back, one of my exes (who I’m on good terms with, we just had a very physical relationship on & off for a couple months) hit me up saying that he was at another friend’s party and that I should pop over while I’m out. I had to say no because my parents were expecting me back by midnight, but I felt so upset at the time (being drunk and all) having to say no because I know that I could’ve sucked his cock on video easily for Daddy. I just felt so upset that I couldn’t complete his task. But upon telling Daddy that, he insisted that it was okay and that the task was voided - and I instantly felt better. 

When I got back, Daddy told me he wanted to use me (yay hehe) & gave me a task to do. I basically had to video myself for 30mins fucking my pussy & asshole, and cum repeatedly to soak my bed for him. I was so eager for this task and within the first 3 minutes already came. But after that orgasm, I felt so nauseous and ended up throwing up in the bathroom. Looking back, I’m annoyed at myself because I could’ve cum so many times!! But I’m glad I managed to get a short slutty video for Daddy; it really was a great orgasm, which I had to the thought of my Daddy. It’s always him. And I like it that way. I truly have realised that ever since I’ve submitted to him, no one else can turn me on. It’s like he owns my libido too. I have no complaints about that though. I am his. 

[strawberry-jules]

the fourth

hi again. it’s 10:41pm.

today was a fucking shit show. like appallingly so. my schedule was supposed to roughly look like this:

6-7am: get up, get ready, go get coffee

8-9: vet appt

9-10: breakfast, clean the kitchen for mom

10-11: post office, quick target run

11.30-4pm: read 2 chapters from textbook

4-5.30: run, shower, etc

5.30-7.30: read half a chapter, take some me time, idk

9pm-11pm: vibe time baybee

here’s how it turned out, roughly.

got coffee, it was very fun. barista is making it very hard to not have a crush on them by simply existing. how rude! took belle to the vet, everything was fine and dandy, as i figured. came home, had a bagel with spinach and eggs, cleaned the kitchen, it was fantastic. my brother ended up needing to ship out his christmas gift to his friend in croatia, but his classes weren’t over until 1:30, so i was like no worries! i’ll just go study for my final till your classes are over, just let me know. i ended up reading absolutely nothing and getting sucked into whatever fucking dumb shit exists on the internet. i also picked 3 therapists from our network and emailed them, introducing myself, and asking for quick interviews next week to see if we’re good fits, because i want to start going to therapy. 

i was very excited by this development. it’s taken me over a year of saying i would go to therapy for me to finally get the courage to reach out. at about 12, i went into my parents’ room and said “guess what? i’m finally starting therapy!” and my mother, without missing a beat, says “oh, sorry we did such a bad job raising you. why do you need therapy? i thought we did a great job.” i was fucking stunned. i was like, “woah, no! this isn’t a reflection of you. this is me finally taking care of myself, i have personal things i need to work through. however, i do think that therapy is useful to anyone, and i think everyone should try therapy, at least once,” to which she had the brilliant insight, “there’s nothing wrong with me. should i just make something up about my family and go talk to a stranger about it? is that what you’re doing?” and my dad was like, “hey, that’s not what she’s saying” and my mom basically went off saying that i was weird for thinking that everyone should try therapy, and that i didn’t actually need it, and that it’s weird that i’ve been to therapy twice now, wasn’t complaining to that high school counselor that my parents were so strict enough for me?

those quotes are as close to word for word as i can get, i’m pretty sure it’s exactly what was said. the conversation lasted less than a minute, before i said “i think i need to excuse myself,” and walked away. i came and sat at my desk for i don’t even know how long. i looked at myself in my phone camera, and my face had become so translucent, it was almost green from my blood veins. i walked up to my window and contemplated trying to take the screen out to climb out, but i realized that if i did jump, it would be in my neighbor’s driveway, and that felt really insensitive, so i walked away. i sat back down at my desk and contemplated all the reasons my mom was right, before i realized that she wasn’t right. i have finally realized that i’m not fine. 

i’m a depressed, suicidal 20 year old with undiagnosed adhd and ocd, a diagnosed eating disorder, and i’ve been a closeted lesbian for 13 years. i have every right to feel not okay. i didn’t need my mother’s permission to go to therapy, i have my own health insurance and i’m an adult who feels the need to ask for help, and that’s okay.

so i did what i do best, and spewed verbal diarrhea onto my private snap story about what happened and how i’ve been feeling these last few days. my brother’s classes ended early, so i took the opportunity to leave the house as soon as possible, and we took as long as possible to get to the fedex drop box, before i dropped him back at home and kept driving around, trying to process how i felt. i didn’t return either of my textbooks. i think i’m just going to send the one i bought in october after christmas, idk when it’s due but i can’t deal with the fucking lines at the post office anymore. i walked up to the post office, looked at the winding line into a building where the lovely hicks in my hometown refuse to wear masks, decided i wasn’t ready to get covid yet, and went to deposit cash so i could buy weed. i’ll just bite the $40 and buy the one that was due today, maybe i’ll give it to someone next semester. 

i got home and responded to my friends’ responses to my story. i got an overwhelmingly positive and loving response from my friends. every single one stuck up for me, supported me, and shared that they’ve been feeling similarly. which is heartbreaking, i can’t believe that all of us have been dealing with this so privately! but anyway, that’s a tomorrow issue. 

after i did that, i was ordering my weed when barista texted me, saying they had a question for me, which, when you have a major crush on a coworker with a girlfriend, is a very concerning text to receive. turns out, they just made me earrings! they walked their dog to my house and delivered the insanely cool polymer clay snake earrings. when i greeted them with a hug, they pulled me in so close, literally every part of their body was pressed against mine and my cheek rested on their head so perfectly. they’re on the shorter side, probably 3-4 inches shorter than me, but so strong. the way their arms felt around my back was wild, it was so tight but so gentle but so firm but so, so warm and soft. their hair was soft but frizzy and smelled like them and a little bit like an argan oil shampoo and a little like coffee. their eyes are so much more intensely ice blue in the sun. they hugged me the same way goodbye, and we chatted for a good portion of the evening, about our coworkers and being homeschooled and being nerdy high schoolers and the earrings.

i finally got one chapter done before dinner was ready at 8:30pm, which is late, even by our standards. after dinner, as i was decorating a sugar cookie named gerard, my parents kept making snarky comments about me being a stoner, and i was like yes, bold statements coming from the parents that just used my account to buy a tincture and edibles. anyway, i came upstairs and tried to read more but i’m too emotionally exhausted. eve ended up giving me a call, finally, and filled me in on her life, which is always crazy but i love to hear her voice, so it’s okay. then i learned a tiktok dance, which left me concerningly out of breath, considering it’s only been like 4 days since i ran and i can’t be that out of shape? but i showered and did my skincare routine and made sure my laundry was in the dryer before i sat down to start this. 

it’s now 11:20pm, and i’m very proud to report that i am no longer angry with my mother for what she said to me. i’m sad that it’s how she feels, but i recognize that what i’m going through is something she will never understand, as a straight woman who, while prudish, has a healthy relationship with drugs and sex. i love her, and i forgive her, but i’m going to talk to her tomorrow and hold her accountable for gaslighting her already unstable daughter. what she did wasn’t fair, and it hurt. i know she probably feels insecure because she definitely does have things she knows she should go to therapy for, i know for a fact that she faced a lot of childhood and adolescent trauma and i would personally love to make sure she’s in a healthy place with it. but i can’t force her to, obviously, so i have to just hope that she doesn’t project on to me too much in the coming weeks.

i’m exhausted, and i think i’ll go to bed. i feel good about how i handled today, i caught myself in time to think through my actions before i did something completely unwarranted and unhinged. i know that at the time, my brain was in flight mode and i couldn’t cope immediately so i just followed the “i want to die” instinct because it was the strongest, but i still had enough of my logical brain in gear to have forethought. look at you go, prefrontal cortex! knowing that the part of me that is still healthy and wants to live is strong enough to put the kibosh on that maneuver is enough to give me hope that i will be okay someday. i never thought that i would be someone to be experiencing things like this. i really thought that people were being dramatic, if i’m being totally honest. now that i’m experiencing it, i understand. i’m sorry that i didn’t have more empathy.

[type-a-nomad]

First REAL weekend in South Africa--  Sat Feb 17- Mon Feb19

Weekend

Feb 17 Today I went on a surfing day to the beach at Big Bay.  The beach faces the main city of Cape Town and you can see Table Mountain looming over the entire place.  The view is spectacular.  Basically, the premise of the surfing day was a collaboration between two NGOs in Cape Town dedicated to helping the kids in the townships get out of the townships through extracurricular activities.  One of them is SAVE Volunteers (my people) and the other is Wings, an organization started by one of the SAVE employees from Norway who raises money to buy surfboards and wetsuits for the kids here.  Surfing has a reputation of being kind of airhead-y or unambitious, something people who just want life to be easy and relaxing seek out.  The organizations I am working with prove that wrong on so many fronts.   The most critical, to me, is the water.  The ocean is so powerful and so healthy.  I might be the only one, though this is unlikely, but when I go into the water, I am entirely filled with energy and life and consciousness.  Further, physical activity is so important for mental wellbeing and it helps these kids channel energy and frustrations from the hardships they experience daily into something that isn't self detrimental (like joining a gang or being swept up in the alcoholism and drug addiction that plagues a good amount of their parents and family members).  Another critical part is the challenge.  There is a very tangible outline of success: getting up and surfing the wave.  Thus, surfing is saving these kids’ mental wellbeing.  Or at least aiding it.  It’s incredible to see how appreciative they are for everything.  They are so excited to be there and are having fun from the second they show up till the second they leave.   I went into the water for about 45 minutes.  The waves were enormous.  I have never experienced anything like it.  There were swells of 10 feet.  A lot of the volunteers didn't go out because they were so uncomfortable with the swell.  Apparently, the waves being this big is rare.  But, this is the first time I have surfed in a year and I was anxious to just try.  So, I forced myself into a wetsuit and decided to make myself uncomfortable because that’s why I'm here— I’m not about to live timidly even though a lot of my brain wants me to.  Carpe this fucking diem.  All that.   When I got out of the water, after being crushed by many waves and ignoring the cramping in my shoulders from paddling, I was starving and grabbed my German friend, Nicole, to go to a smoothie place right near the big beach.  When we got there, I noticed they had wraps so I got a breakfast wrap.  I know this is super boring.  Who cares what I’m eating? Right? Except it’s actually a big deal, because I only eat carbs for breakfast and lunch and my body is not used to only having a small amount of protein at dinner on good days.  I’m trying to go shopping more to supplement the fact that I just eat peanut butter toast to survive here because I’m so emotionally and physically exhausted all of the time from giving every piece of myself to the kids that making something more than that is basically impossible. When I got back, I had potato salad and meatballs out of the fridge that was apart of the dinner the night before.  It was yummy but also a second lunch at 4pm and, thus, I was not very hungry when dinner rolled around at 6pm.  I got my portion of pasta and put cling wrap to save my rations for the next day.  I ate the salad and then most of a chocolate bar that I bought and designated as my “emegency chocolate bar”.  I guess craving sugar constitutes an emergency for me.  

Feb 18

I woke up at 6:20 am today because I had a zipline tour that I booked.  It was an hour and a half there and the tour was at 9 so we were going to leave at 7 so we would be sure we wouldn't be late.  I was a bit loud getting ready because I was so exhausted.  Linda, my roommate who is 60-ish, from Canada, and now retired and living in Oaxaca, Mexico.  She’s super cool and even says “eh”.  It’s very exciting.  We are starting to get kind of close.  We even gossip sometimes.   Anyways, back to ziplining.  The way I got into this in the first place was because Natasha, a British girl who lives in my house and has been very outgoing and nice to me so far, was talking about wanting to do it with somebody and asked (out of semi-desperation because others didn't want to do it) me.  I’m still not in great physical condition.  I’ve had a really bad cough since I’ve gotten here and it is showing no signs of leaving anytime soon.  Please, Mr. Cough, you are overstaying your welcome.   Natasha and I called an uber at 7.  The guy pulled up and seemed nice enough, but I was worried that he was going to kick us out when he realized how far we were going.  Directly inland 90 minutes is basically to the middle of nowhere.  When he noticed the destination he did something very, very weird. He says “Is this a cash or card trip”, uber doesn't let you pay in cash so I found this very sketchy.  We told him it was a card trip, to which he said “ don't have any cash or cards, can you pay me in cash so I can get us all the way there”.  Obviously, I am feeling a little more than weirded out at that moment because of all the horror stories we have heard about transportation, safety, and being a woman in Cape Town.  However, we were stuck.  It’s 7am, we are already out of town, we have to be at this place before 9, and this guy is offering us to take us there, just being sketchy about it.  We allow him to pull over and cancel the trip.  The quote that uber originally gave us was 750 Rand for the way there (rand to dollars is around 11:1).  He says he’ll take 500 Rand for the whole thing.  For him, it’s not actually a discount because uber takes 75% anyways and he doesn't need to pay taxes.  For us, we save 250 rand.  It’s a win-win.   We spend another hour in the car.  The man driving the uber was named Gabriel and he had lived in Cape Town for 28 years.  He didn’t even put in directions to where we were going even though it was way outside of Cape Town.  Of course he gets lost.  I don’t get why people feel the need to prove how “local” they are by doing things like that.  Just use your map.  Jeez man.  We end up having to put the map into Natasha’s phone because there is basically no service where we were so her wifi hotspot is the closest thing to internet that we had.  We roll up to the nature reserve where we are going zip lining, finally, and there is a gatehouse where you need to check in before driving one more kilometer up the road to the actual headquarters/cafe of the zip lining company.  Natasha and I realized how far in the middle of nowhere we were, but we figured we could call an uber when we were finished and it would take maybe 30 minutes to get there.  The zipline company offers no transportation to or from the middle of nowhere, there is no public transportation anywhere close, and taxis in cape town are basically unusable because they're so sketchy and they will charge you crazy amounts because they know they might get away with it.  When we get out of the car, we are told almost immediately that we need to tell our uber driver to WAIT for four hours while we zipline because we will be unable to call one when we are done because we are in the middle of the middle of nowhere.  Great!!!! What a reasonable request.  The woman at the front desk phones the gatehouse and tells Gabriel to turn around and wait for us until we are done.  He is so sweet he says that he will and we don’t even need to pay him.  Just 500 Rand there and 500 Rand back.  So $50 per person round trip for over 3 hours of driving.  Not bad.   Ziplining was hard to describe.  It was so insane every time I’ve trie dot describe it, it sounds hyperbolic.  We were driven in a big jeep-truck thing about 20 minutes through the bumpiest road I’ve ever driven on.  Several times I actually thought we were going to tip over and fall down the cliff.  The entire thing was so full of adrenaline even the car ride felt wild.  We zip lined for four hours.  Besides walking to the first platform and hiking out of the canyon, there was literally no walking, just zip lining from mountain to mountain.  It was insane.  We were hundreds of feet up.  Each zipline was 500 feet or longer.  Below us was hundreds of feet and then a rocky canyon with waterfalls and rovers throughout it.  The drought isn’t as serious the farther you get out of CT so a lot of the vegetation was green and full.  There were trees and bushes and flowers and lizards.  It was beautiful.  The dirt is red and full of clay.  Everything seemed so saturated.  In our group it was me, Natasha, and a Dutch couple who were in CT for vacation.  They were very nice.  Every time we got to the next zipine (approximately every 10 or 15 minutes), we had to jump off ourselves.  I cannot describe the amount of self control it takes to willingly jump off of a platform above a canyon hundreds of feet in the air suspended by nothing but a wire.  We were flying at up to 40 miles an hour suspended hundreds of feet above the ground.  Calling it exhilarating feels like an understatement. When I got back to my hostel, I decided to rally and go to the beach before dinner.  I covered myself in sunscreen and walked down to the ocean with some girls who live in the same building as me named Sydney, Emilie, and Natasha (same Natasha).  It was really nice.  I’m reading a book called When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron and every paragraph makes me stop and think about my worldview.  It’s totally fantastic and spiritual without being annoying about it.  As I am writing this, it is Monday.  This morning was rough because I have very little food here besides bread and cereal and whatever is made for dinner.  I usually go for peanut butter toast but this morning there was no peanut butter so I just had bread and butter.  I thought i could make coffee with a lot of milk for protein and I heated up my milk but then we were out of instant coffee.  Thankfully, Coll showed up and handled it and got us new food.   Coll is actually superwoman.  It is a great injustice that I have not payed tribute to her or her daughter, Shannon, since I have been blogging about my experiences in Africa.  Shannon basically runs SAVE volunteers as far as I can see. She is the go-to manager.  She runs our lives.  From having enough food, to transport, to daily activities, it’s all her (and another manager Robyn who is equally great).  Shannon is Coll’s daughter.  Coll is around 65 years old and makes dinner for us every night Monday-Saturday.  She’s vegetarian and is very evangelical about it.  At least 3 days a week I have very long conversations with her about politics, gender identity, sexism, vegetarianism, and general humanity among other things. She’s brilliant without being self important or condescending towards younger generations, even though she totally could be.  Did I mention she cooks for over a hundred people every day? Yeah, pretty wild.  Today there was no peanut butter or instant coffee and when I told her, all of a sudden peanut butter and instant coffee appeared. Here, where food is not diverse and sometimes scarce, that is nothing short of a miracle.  So, yeah, the ladies who run this program are badass and fun in all of the right ways. 

Currently, I am having a lot of trouble deciding if I’m leaving South Africa.  If you are reading this and have advice, I need it.  Fill my ears.  I want to be on the beach and the project I thought I was going to go to next is in Turkey and it’s cold and not on the beach.  I know this sounds small and kind of self-indulgent and a priority only a teenager would have, but it’s actually a big deal for me.  My quality of life by the water changes a lot.  Having access to go to the beach, and swim, walk, etc. gives me so much energy.  I love the energy of towns near the beach and it makes me want to stay in Table View, South Africa because everything here is set up and I’m near the beach, even though I don’t particularly feel a strong need to do exactly this kind of volunteering for a whole extra month.  I have been looking for places in Central and South America because I would love to improve my Spanish, but almost all of those would be working at a hostel which I think would be fun and I could meet lots of people and work on my language skills, but my parents would see it as pretty meaningless and I don’t blame them.  It doesn't help other people, it would just be fun, new, casual, and something I probably an experience I would never have again.  If anyone knows of a permaculture farm on the beach somewhere where it is warm (besides Australia, I know there are tons there but I don’t want to ask for the money for that plane flight), please let me know.  I don’t want to take away from my experience here by looking everywhere for a new project, but I am also itching to go new places after this and only have clothes and supplies to be in warm weather, and the emotional disposition to be at the beach.  I don’t want to just sit around.  Meaningful work is, well, meaningful, but the environment in which I am doing that work is super important to me as well because I only get one Gap Year and it is going to be a while before I go to do something this eccentric and carefree again.  Harvard isn’t a beach vacation.  

Peace, Q