#they’d be those old gays on a ranch

[nothing-but-flowers88]

“Emperor? I was gonna retire in space Texas with my husband, no thank you”

It’s kinda goofy how no one has asked Thrawn if he wants to be heir to the empire. Wouldn’t it be funny if he’s chilling with a martini in the ascendency and has no idea any of this is happening.

[cookinguptales]

oooh I love your little playlist fic idea! Thanks for doing something like this! If it hasn't been chosen yet, 6 tends to be a nice number for me. As for a word... how about "esoteric"? Feel free to include whatever niche references to obscure folklore you desire; if I don't know something, it'll just be an internet research goldmine for future me!

Well, the song in question is Ghost Riders In The Sky, in particular the version by The Ventures. That said, I took inspiration from Stan Jones’s original version when I thought about how I wanted to go about this. And — I have to be honest, I’ve always associated this song with The Wild Hunt, a bit.

The Wild Hunt is one of those phrases that we give to an awful lot of disparate folkloric traditions that have a supernatural hunt in common, so I suppose when I was thinking about the direction to go… I used ideas about the old Germanic version of the ghostly hunts as well as a relatively modern addition of Hecate as the queen of the hunt (with a little whiff of Sleep No More, I’ll admit) and folded those in with Stan’s ghostly riders forever doomed to chase cattle they’ll never catch as atonement for earthly crimes.

Also, I made it gay. :|

(Hope none of that got too esoteric, lmao. THOUGH now that my beta has looked over this, apparently the actual esoteric reference in this fic was what a Black Mariah hearse is.)

The clouds were thick overhead, and the moisture in the air felt unfamiliar out here in the desert. A storm was coming, Danny could feel it. Electric potential trickled down her spine, and she could feel it nestled there in the small of her back.

She looked sidelong over at Ruby sitting on the horse next to her. Ruby’s eyes were fixed on the horizon, past the brewing storm and into the future.

Their future. Whichever one they chose.

“You don’t have to do this, Ruby,” Danny said, low.

“Don’t I?” Ruby asked, and her eyes flicked over to Danny’s. “Don’t we?”

Ruby’s voice was soft and husky in her throat, and it made something in Danny’s stomach tighten, like it always did. But this time it wasn’t just a wondering hunger, the simple joy of finding one lone soul out in these arid lands who understood the heart that beat beneath your breast; this time there was just a little bit of fear. “I—“

“Danny,” Ruby said. “Do you really wanna be a ranch hand all your life? Don’t you wanna get out there and see the whole wide world?”

Danny swallowed. Of course she did, and Ruby knew it. They’d lain there together amongst the prairie-fire and the desert lilies, a riot of color that painted the landscape for too damn short a time, and they’d talked about lands far away. Flowers that bloomed all year round.

Ruby knew exactly what Danny wanted. That’s why, back then, she’d curled in close and trailed her fingers down her knee. It’s why she’d whispered soft promises and halcyon dreams into her ear as she’d made her gasp there in the afternoon sun.

It’s why the two of them were sitting here, right here, and staring down at old Wilkes Pass.

“There will be people in that coach,” Danny said softly. And that was a gun there at Ruby’s hip.

“There will be money, too. A lot of money.”

Danny swallowed. Then, almost without thinking, she reached out and linked her fingers with Ruby’s there between their horses. “Let’s go back, Ruby. I know he’s not the best boss in the world, but—“

“I’m tired of bosses, Danny. I’m tired of all this. The only thing I’m not tired of is…”

Ruby didn’t say it, but her fingertips tightened in Danny’s all the same. Their clasped hands looked dark there together against the baked earth until the first few drops began to fall.

“Rain’s here,” Ruby said softly, and it was. It was like the sky itself was weeping at what the two of them were about to do, and the ground beneath their feet went dark. Black.

Danny could hear a faint rumble in the distance, and Ruby’s eyes snapped up toward the road, her hand dropping Danny’s as she took her horse’s reins in hand.

It wasn’t time yet, was it? The stagecoach wasn’t due round these parts for another hour at least. It came early sometimes, sure, when it was coming to drop off the miners’ paychecks, but…

No. There was nothing there on the road, nothing but the patter of rain and the faraway caw of crows who were none too happy about getting wet.

Danny looked up, then, wondering which way they’d fly, and what she saw… No. That couldn’t be right. That couldn’t be real.

Her lips parted around a silent gasp, and it was one beat of her heart, two, before she managed to hiss, “Ruby,” and point up at the sky.

Obediently, without question, Ruby looked up. And her eyes widened. “What on earth…”

So she could see it, too.

The clouds were spilling out across the sky above them like floodwaters in a canyon, and amidst them, between and betwixt, Danny could make out shadows. They flickered in the storm clouds, a flame painting stories on the rocks at night, and slowly, slowly those shadows coalesced into shapes. Into figures.

Danny could see them now, riding across the sky. They shimmered there on their beasts, ghostly riders made of sun showers and lightning, and she could see the way the eyes of their pale horses gleamed red.

Ahead of them, too, hooves pounded, the sound of it lost to distant thunder coming closer all the time, and Danny could see the quarry they chased. Cattle, from the looks of it, young, strong ones that made their charges back home look downright pitiful.

They were beautiful creatures, captivating in a way, and it was only the way their eyes, too, glowed red, that kept Danny very firmly in her seat. Below her, she could feel the fine tremble of Sally’s shoulders as her horse muttered her discomfort.

Ruby, though… Danny glanced over at her again and saw it. The rapture there in her eyes. The way that the cattle’s devil-gleam was reflected in her dark eyes.

Danny had looked into those eyes for hours before this. Had whispered devotion to them. But the look in them now was one that she didn’t recognize, and that she didn’t like.

“Ruby?” she whispered, fearful somehow of being heard above the thunder.

“They’re beautiful,” Ruby said softly. “Danny, they’re—“

There was a longing there in Ruby’s voice that Danny didn’t like, not one bit. There was something faraway about it. Something fey. Something so desperate that Danny didn’t even know how to describe it.

It was like that longing called to the clouds, though, and their ghostly inhabitants, because there was a peculiar curl to them now, like they were beckoning the two of them up. And one shadow, darker than all the rest, seemed to still there amongst all that flickering carnage.

A long, low whistle sounded out across the plains, echoing against their little ridge, and Danny shuddered. There was lightning and thunder in that whistle, cowbell and the shriek of a train shedding its tracks.

And Ruby, oh Ruby. Ruby threw her head back, fingers to her lips, and she whistled back.

The ghostly riders rode ever on and on, but their leader, or perhaps their driver, peeled away from the pack. The clouds parted for her, and her pale steed left no tracks as it galloped down through the sky.

The woman, if words like that could be used for such things, stared down at them with a tangle of red hair about her shoulders and eyes that gleamed.

That, Danny thought faintly, is a witch.

The witch’s mouth moved, lips red as blood curling around words that Danny couldn’t hear but could feel all the same.

She could feel the witch’s words stream through her like a knife to the gut, like a spider’s web drawn tight between the dawn and the horizon and herself suspended upon it. Those blood-red lips whispered about love and freedom, joy and madness. They whispered about all those things that seemed just barely out of reach, those dreams that run from the best of us on hooves tinged with thunder.

They whispered about the hunt.

Danny recoiled from the sensation, but she knew without even looking over that Ruby did not. Hell. She knew without looking over that Ruby could do more than feel those words; she could hear them.

“Ruby,” Danny whispered again, and she reached out to take her lover’s hand in hers once more. But Ruby’s hand was so cold now, and she could feel the way it shook.

Danny chanced a glance over at Ruby, and her heart sank at what she saw there. Ruby’s eyes were wide and sightless, the sweet, pretty darkness that she’d fallen in love with taking on a scarlet tinge that scared her. She was mouthing words and Danny couldn’t hear, either, and she wished she knew what fey conversation the two of them shared.

Maybe then she’d know what to argue back.

“Ruby, please,” Danny said, her voice stronger in her throat this time. “Don’t listen to her.”

But Ruby couldn’t, or wouldn’t, hear her. Danny could see it in those strange, deep eyes now. The lust and the greed and the desire for — for a quarry that could never, never be caught.

It wouldn’t be enough, would it? It would never be enough. If they knocked over that coach today, the money would only whet Ruby’s terrible thirst. It would be opening a gate that neither of them would be able to close again, a flood that could not be dammed, and Danny knew right then and there that it would drown them both.

“Ruby.”

But Ruby wasn’t listening at all anymore. Maybe all she could hear was the poison dripping from the lips of that woman who was smiling now, wild red hair barely restrained by the dark hat she wore, and maybe all she could see was the way that witch was raising a hand in invitation.

Ruby’s fingers felt numb, cold, dead in Danny’s hand, and they slipped unfeelingly from hers as Ruby dismounted her horse.

Danny just watched her go for a moment, frozen in a rictus of terror, and then—

She heard it.

It was a laugh, wild and awful, echoing around the mountains and the canyons and the plains all around them, and though she could see the witch’s mouth open, the sound didn’t seem to be coming from her. It came from everywhere and nowhere, all around them, thunder in a torrential downpour and lightning in the hills ahead, and every bone in Danny’s body went cold.

She was out of her own saddle before she had another moment to think of it, and if Ruby was desperate to gain some nebulous treasure that would never, ever be enough, Danny was desperate to protect the only one she already had.

And Ruby, now, was walking towards a cliff edge. That sounded like the sort of pretty thing you might hear in a song, but women like them, they weren’t pretty and they weren’t songbirds. Danny meant it entirely literally when she said that Ruby was sauntering directly toward a cliff.

It was the cliff that they’d chosen as a lookout point, the cliff that would let them see when a stagecoach rounded the bend, bound for the little town that had served as their cage all their lives.

To Ruby, that stagecoach had seemed like freedom. This cliff seemed like escape. But Danny was sure now that this was just another cage, a snare set out by a hunter much, much scarier than they’d ever known before, and the only thing waiting beyond that cliff was a tombstone that neither one of them could afford.

The witch on her pale steed beckoned and Ruby stepped forward and maybe it was just as foolish a decision, but Danny didn’t know what this situation called for if not foolishness.

If not a little bit of bravery for the first time in her miserable life.

“No,” she said, and her voice wobbled in her throat. She swallowed hard. Tried again. “No. You can’t have her.”

That old witch, her eyes narrowed beneath the brim of her hat, and that smile of hers faltered. Twisted into a scowl.

Our choices are our own, little girl, and we must pay for them.

The witch’s voice was like spiderwebs and shivers in the back of her head. Like the faraway scream of a cougar in the night. It made Danny’s stomach go hot and cold and terrified, but instead of loosening her resolve, it only firmed it.

How dare this woman speak to her this way? How dare this woman make her feel like this? How dare she try and take what was hers?

“She hasn’t done anything yet,” Danny said, and she could feel a stubborn, angry, wild sort of desperation filling her, too. “She’s not yours.”

Yet.

“She’s still alive, ain’t she? She’s still got dreams. Not—“ Danny swallowed hard as she realized just how true her words were about to be. “Not night mares like you.”

She dreams of riches. Of power. She dreams of the hunt.

“She dreams of me, you old bitch. And she wants to be free.”

The woman sat back in her saddle, and for the first time Danny saw that it was all pale leather embroidered with scarlet thread. And all those designs, meticulous in their sewing, were made up of little blood-red names.

And Ruby’s would not be one of them.

We are free here in the skies, the woman said, gesturing to the riders, gaunt and skeletal, that rode behind her. We are not bound by human laws or desires.

“You’re nothin’ but desire, are you?” Danny scowled. “I know what you are.”

She was hunger and she was thirst. Jealousy and lust and covetous greed. She was the pit at the bottom of their stomachs when they hadn’t made quite enough to earn dinner and she was the dark underbelly of every dream they’d ever had.

This woman, this witch, was human want. But the booze this one served would only make you thirstier, until that thirst ate you up inside. Until it ate you alive.

She was a hole in the human heart where all the happiness leaked out, and she wouldn’t be happy until she’d clawed that hole in Ruby.

But if there was one thing Danny had learned about loneliness and hurt, it was that it could be patched if you just found the right thing to nurse you. Or the right person, as the case might be. And she’d been patching up the holes in Ruby’s heart for so many years that she knew it better than anybody in this world or the next.

She knew all about Ruby’s hunger. She knew all about her need.

And she knew how to sate it. No goddamn witch required.

You know nothing, small one.

Well. Maybe not much. But “nothing” was pushing it. “I know what’s mine.”

The woman scoffed, and the sound was like rolling thunder in the distance.

Danny ignored her, turning to Ruby instead and ignoring the way her back shuddered to be turned toward such perilous danger. She stood in front of her now and placed her hands on unfeeling cheeks. Leaned up so she could press a kiss to cold, cold lips.

“I know you’re in there, baby,” she whispered, fierce. “And I know you don’t want this. Because if you go down this hill, I go right down with you.”

She thought about all the time they’d spent together. All the times that Ruby had looked at her like she wanted to give her every good thing. All the good things in the world. She thought about every time that Ruby had held her, protected her, had guarded her against danger.

She felt Hell itself at her back, and she almost laughed at the way things had turned.

“I want to make a life with you,” she murmured against still lips. “But down there? That’s just death.”

She could hear the rolling of an old stagecoach’s wheels, and she did not turn. She’d heard those wheels before, and whether full of money or trouble, opportunity or danger, she knew the sound of a goddamn Black Mariah.

“Let’s go, Ruby,” she said. “We don’t have to go home, but we sure can’t stay here.”

Ruby’s lips moved beneath hers, and though she couldn’t hear the words, Danny could recognize her own name. She could hear a hiss of anger behind her, the wind kicking up fierce all around them, but she didn’t back down, not now.

“Come on now,” she crooned. “Don’t tell me you think that old witch is prettier than I am.”

Ruby blinked once, stared into the distance behind Danny’s back, and Danny could feel a shudder roll through the body beneath her hands. “No. She sure ain’t.”

Danny didn’t know what that witch looked like now, all fury and hunger, but the wind was furious, the rain needles against her skin, so she had a feeling the old bitch wasn’t happy. Her laugh came out more like a sob, and she felt Ruby’s hands come up automatically to steady her, just like they always did. “Always knew you had good taste.”

Ruby’s eyes flicked down to the road below them, and Danny could see her swallow hard. “The coach is here,” she said softly.

“I know, Ruby,” Danny said. “Let it go.”

“But we—“

“Let it go.”

For a moment, all seemed still. The wind, the rain, the wretched thunder of hooves on sky plains. It all seemed to wait for just one breath as Ruby looked down at the road. As she looked up and locked eyes with a witch, a devil, a goddess that Danny could no longer see.

And then Ruby closed her eyes and all the tension seemed to leak right out of her. “Yeah. Okay. Let’s — let’s go, Danny. Let’s go home.”

Wherever the hell that is, Danny thought to herself. Still, though, she thought as she dragged Ruby in close and kissed her soundly, she had a pretty good idea that they could make one anywhere as long as they stayed together.

There was a scream of pure fury, pure lightning and thunder and awful, awful power, and Danny could feel the ground shake beneath them. But Ruby was no longer looking at the witch, was no longer captivated by promises that she had no intention of keeping. And the bridle that the witch had been slipping around her neck had faded away into nothing but the wind whipping at their faces.

When Danny pulled away a minute later, the stagecoach was gone, and so was the witch. The rain had eased all around them, the torrent easing into a gentle patter, and Ruby’s skin was warm beneath her fingers.

Danny turned finally, squinting into the clouds on the horizon and was relieved to find them empty. And down there, not too far away from where they’d intended to lie in wait for the coach once it’d come into view, Danny could see the wrecked remains of a tree smoldering in the rain.

“Lightning,” Ruby said softly, and Danny could see that she knew it, too. That the two of them would’ve been goners down there if they’d chosen that path.

They would’ve been riding in that witch queen’s wild hunt a lot sooner than even Danny had thought.

Ruby’s throat was working, and Danny could see the beginning of tears in those pretty brown eyes. “Back home again,” she said. “To an asshole boss and sleep for dinner.”

“Or,” Danny said, “we could go.”

“Go?” Ruby’s eyes slid to hers. “Go where? We don’t have money, Danny.”

“I don’t know,” Danny said, and once again, she slid her hand into Ruby’s. “But I know we’re alive. And that means we can go anywhere we want.”

They weren’t tethered down yet, not to this land and not to the ghost riders in the sky.

Ruby’s smile was rueful, like she still didn’t quite believe Danny’s words but she liked the sound of them nevertheless. “Yeah. Maybe.”

They kissed there in the rain, just the two of them and no one else, and Danny didn’t know where their choices would take them in the future. She didn’t know what their tombstones would eventually say when they were laid to rest.

But she knew that they’d be laid to rest together, and their spirits would not be chained to the sky.

[graceslavenderhaze]

Hear the sirens, {connor stevens}

synopsis: After the shadow man was defeated their was no new supernatural anomalies in town, then you and your wayward family showed up. 

also this gif is lovethephantoms gif but I still can’t figure out why the handle won’t come up underneath the gif. 

another female requested reader however when referred to in the writing the pronouns are gender neutral.

This is part one of three!

The Midnight Society had finally settled back into life as it normally was. Gabby had passed her PSAT’s and gotten her permit, still working her way to get out of shadow bay. Hanna still heavily involved in her activism and getting more signatures than before hand on her petitions, making the world a better place even if it was one step, by herself, at a time. Luke back to focusing on school and wrestling, he was still benched for weekend meet for disciplinary due to being late to practice which gave him plenty of time to work on the science project he owed . Jai back to being the comic book nerd his friends loved him as, no longer feeling like he had to own up to any sort of standards when his friends loved him the way he was. Then there was Connor. Who found it harder than his friends to move on, it wasn’t that easy for him. His dad didn’t know what happened so he carried on with the fishing trips like usual. Luke and Hanna had started dating after the glow dance so he was adjusting to his best friend not always being available. While he knew that the shadow man was gone, something in him still felt dark. Like a part of him had been permanently darkened by what he’d been through. He felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up whenever he walked by cemeteries, or historic settlements of shadow bay. He pushed it all down and acted like nothing happened. But he still slept with the lights on. He still had nightmares most nights. 

The Amana family Coven had been around for centuries. It was one of the few that was a female centric coven throughout the dark ages in magic along side the golden ages. The eldest of the coven was Gaia Amana, whose daughter was Leticia Amana, they remain the only two witches in the coven. Leticia married Willow a human woman that had been orphaned in her childhood due to an magical accident claiming her parents. They had two children. Two daughters. One who was a Witch with the gift of clairvoyance. Another who was a Banshee with a generational blood curse. 

That Witch, with the clairvoyance? That was you. Your Sister was the Banshee. This was the story of your family and the magic deeply routed throughout your family and bloodline, biological and adoptive. Growing up with magic isn’t a fairytale. You never stayed in one town longer than four years, where there was witches there was hunters who never strayed far.

So anyone who had magic lived by three commandments for protections.

Thou shall not bear the knowledge of magic,

Thou shall not caress a practitioner of magic,

Thou shall not survive a witches love. 

By those three commandments your family was able to continue to practice their respective magic without worrying about witch hunts in town. But the times had changed from when your grandmother first took over the coven. It was the twenty first century and spirituality and supernatural abilities were somewhat mainstream, not the truth but the refraction of what was going on. It blurred the lines of what was actually going on. So when it was time for the quadrennial move, your mothers had chosen a small town in Canada. Shadow Bay. There was hardly any supernatural occurrence’s there. With the exceptional of a magic shop but witch hunters had standards so they’d never show up there anyways. 

You’d gotten used to the somewhat lonely routine of your life. The moving every four years, the secrets about your magic, while it wasn’t ideal. You loved your magic and you wouldn’t trade your abilities for anything else in the world. But having some solid friends would’ve been a nice start.  

The drive wasn’t the longest you’ve ever taken, it also wasn’t the shortest you’ve every taken either. The only difference was that due to getting your license recently your grandmother let you drive her car. You’d lived in a lot of placed over the years. Apartments, ranch, colonial, victorian. Now you were living in a cottage in the woods by a lighthouse. Pulling into the drive you passed a group of six people. Five teens who looked around your age and one who seemed to be younger possibly in middle school. 

“Keys are in the mail box.” Your grandmother said, you looked over. “That’s harsh.” You said unbuckling and opening the door to retrieve the keys from the mail box. If the group of teens weren’t staring before they definitely were now. “Can i help you ?” You asked turning around at the group of teens who were like you thought, were staring.

A tall blonde in a leather jacket and all black, A red head wearing an army jacket and docs, A brunnette with curly hair who had a denim jacket on, A tanned brunnette boy wearing street clothes, A pale brunette who had a skateboard not far from his grasp, and a little boy wearing a cap and a wand in his hand.

“Did you just move into the haunted house in the woods?” The brunnette in street clothes asked with zero hesitation. Haunted? “Jai!” The red head exclaimed slapping his arm. The blonde still was staring at you. Like there was this connection flowing between the two of you, you felt it too. “Sorry he has the social skills of a second grader. I’m Hanna Romero.” She said extending a hand towards you. “Y/n Amana.” 

“This is Gabby Lewis, that’s Jai Malyas, He’s Luke Mccoy, on the end is Connor Stevens,” So staring boy has a name. “And that’s my little brother Seth.” She said giving a full rollcall for you. “Sorry i just have to ask, the haunted house in the woods?” Jai said not putting his question down. Everyone turned to him and you laughed. 

“So you believe in the other side?” You said crossing your arms and raising your eyebrows. The group fell silent for a minute. “Well I mean is there really another side? Maybe all the funs having here.” Connor said smiling at you, lying. You didn’t need magic to know. You just knew the faces of people who’d experienced the supernatural and didn’t know how to explain it afterwards.

“All right then pretty boy.” You said slightly taken aback Connors eyes widened. “Are you going to shadow bay high once you get settled?” Gabby asked you. You nodded, “Yeah my sister and I are suppose to start next week.” Gabby looked at Connor and then back to you, “We could show you both around, give you the old razzle dazzle.” She said. You smiled, “Yeah i’d really appreciate that!” 

“No problem! Right Connor?” Gabby said, nudging him. You turned your eyes backed to him. “Yeah no problem at all.” He said running a hand through his hair. You nodded. “I should probably go but i’ll see you guys next week.” You said, each of the teens saying a goodbye to you and you got into the car where your grandmother was waiting, dropping the envelopes with the keys on the dash board. 

“Well that looked like a lot more than just getting the keys.” She noted as you started to drive up into the woods. “Just some local kids who offered to show me around when i start and also said our house is the local haunted house in the woods.” You said turning as the road winded. She nodded, “This town is going to be different, you can feel it can’t you?” You could and it gave you butterflies. 

That night after dinner you sat up decorating your room. You’d never had your own room before and now you had free creative decisions. You sister knocked on the door holding two cups of tea, “Tea time?” You nodded. You were older by two years, it wasn’t much but sometimes it still managed to wedge a gap between the two of you for certain subjects. She placed your mug down on your desk were you were placing posters up and she sat on your bed. “So Grams said that you were flirting with some outsiders type beat boy earlier.” 

You turned taking a sip, “I was not flirting. I might’ve called him pretty boy. But that’s the highest form of flattery rather than flirting if anything!” You said to your sister. “What if you date him? What if you fall in love and have cute babies?” She gushed. “I just met him!” You exclaimed to her turning around, “Oh come on, haven’t you ever wanted to date someone?” 

“I don’t date. We move too much besides there’d be too much lying. It would just be heartbreak for me and whoever i’m with.” You said turning your attention back to decorating rather than the conversation. Silence washed over and the question that had been on everyone’s minds was asked once again. “Is it gonna be different here?” 

You stalled, exhaling slowly. “You have the gift of clairvoyance, if anything you can tell out of all of us.” She said with excitement. “No i’m not doing it.” You said shutting her suggestion down. “Oh come on!” She persisted. 

“Astral projecting isn’t meant for figuring out if we’re going to live out our coming of age fantasies, it’s meant for real magic. I’m not doing it. If any clairvoyant dreams come to me, that’s one thing. I’m not chasing them.” You said breaking down the now empty box that once held pictures, posters and other wall hanging knick knacks. Your sister pouted, “Buzzkill.” She muttered under her breath, “Well were either of the girls cute and give gay vibes?” She asked as she finished her mug and placed it on the floor. 

“Ask them yourself. They offered to show us around on our first day. But no powers. If you want a relationship it has to be fully yourself no magic sire ties. Magic sometimes makes it messy.” You said unfortunately speaking from experience. Magic was beautiful but it doesn’t come from nothing, there is a give and a take. Like everything else in the universe. 

That night you found it hard to sleep, you usually had issues sleeping the first night in a new town. It was some sort of internal clock routine. You snuck out of the front door, for a house that had been around for as long as it had been it wasn’t the loudest. The floor boards didn’t creak every time you walked over them, the doors didn’t screech whenever you opened them an inch at a time, and the house didn’t settle several times a day. But for all you knew a spell could’ve been casted to prevent that. 

You found comfort being on your own. Having clairvoyance was overwhelming at times. You had no control over your powers, they never had a specific trigger, so naturally you just steered clear of people in general. You figured there was no way to be given unwanted visions of the future if you just didn’t have anything to do with anyone at all. Your own loneliness was your own fault. Walking through the woods you felt the feeling of dark magic, it was a distinct feeling that you hadn’t felt often but it was unforgettable when you did. It over takes you, like a wave but instead of being able to see through the water its ink. It’s heavy, and dark. It drags you under. 

You hear several snaps of twigs behind you and slightly startled you turn to see the animal or whatever that was behind you. Ready to cast a spell incase whatever followed was a foe and not a friend you gathered your hands in front of your body, “Either you come out or it’s going to be a bad night for you.” You called out into the darkness. Several more twigs snapped under what you assumed where footsteps as a dark shape came out from behind the tree. 

“I surrender!” The figured called out with slight fear in their voice. “My hands are up!” The voice sounded so familiar as they neared towards you. Once they were within eye sight you noticed it was one of the boys from earlier, Connor. “ Take it easy there cobra kai.” He said gesturing to your hands which could be assumed in a fighting position, which they were just not the fighting position he thought it would be. 

You took your hands away from the stance they were place in front of your body, “So, you enjoy taking walks in the dark and startling people pretty boy?” You asked crossing your arms. He lowered his flashlight so he wasn’t practically blinding you anymore. He laughed lowly for a second, “To be fair with the way i was snapping twigs, if you were startled that sounds like a you deal.” 

You smiled at him for second, “I’m Connor Stevens by the way, we met earlier but i don’t know you if remember me.” He said running a hand through his hair, a nervous habit probably. “Oh so you assume that you’re unforgettable. Not a chance pretty boy.” You said taking several steps closer. Slightly taken aback once again by your boldness for the second time in the one day. “I have a name you know.” 

“Oh so you don’t find pretty boy flattering?” You asked coyly, going silence after trying to create an argument. “Thought so.” You said smiling. His eyes stayed glued onto you, his dad has taught him better than to stare. 

“Sorry, i just keep getting this deja vu feeling but i would definitely remember meeting you.” He said unfiltered getting close enough for you to catch a vision, you back up slightly and he’s hurt by this. It’s written all over his face. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.” He apologized quickly and sincerely.

“Oh no i just have this thing with physical touch, it’s nothing personal. You’d remember meeting me? Are you reading into my character?” You said with a slight cockiness mixed into the tone. He nodded, “No it’s just you’re literally one of the prettiest girls i’ve ever seen.” You dropped the flashlight that you’d brought with you. You rushed forward to pick it up as did Connor, both your fingertips grazed each other.

The images flooded through your head. You saw past images first, not older than a month or so. It was dark, he was in the woods running, then there was a book of spells it looked like ever other witches book, and then he was grabbed into the dark. Inside of something that looked like a lighthouse but rotted on the inside and there was absolutely no light. Then there was present, this moment right here right now. The future was the two of you in front of the high school, you guessed. Then it was just the two of you, your aura’s with a red string connecting them at the pinkies. But then it was him holding your hands as something tried to drag you. Then it was over. 

You blinked a few times before looking back up at Connor, “Are you okay? You looked like you saw a ghost.” He said with a slight laugh dropping the flashlight into your palm like it was burning him to touch. “Something like that.” You muttered lightly and standing back up. Silence washed over, “I should probably get back home before anyone notices i’m gone.” You said. He nodded, “See you around, cobra kai?” 

“See you pretty boy.” You confirmed turning around to walk back to your house for the night. Sneaking back in just as quietly as you left. You managed to fall asleep before the sun rose this time. Once you fell asleep, the visions still lingered on a loop. Despite how much you hated it on a deep level it was comforting compared to the nightmares that had a tendency to plague you from time to time. 

The next morning your family had gotten take out from the local diner for breakfast and during the morning conversation no one mentions anything that gives away your nightly adventure. Throughout the rest of the week you and your family continues to get settled into your house. You hadn’t seen Connor on any of your nightly walks through the woods throughout the rest of the week and as the day of starting school gets closer you just assume you’ll see him along with his friends. 

Your sister and you were sitting in the office after you’d gotten your schedules and other paperwork. “We have two student volunteers who offered to show you around.” The secretary said as she handed the two of you a peppermint, Slightly disappointed, going under the impression you’d get to hang out with Connor and his friends today. The door creeks open and you turn. Gabby and Hanna enter the office, you notice through the glass pane of the door Luke, Jai and Connor standing in the hallway waiting for them. 

“Ah, Hanna Romero and Gabby Lewis. This is Y/n Amana and Ramona Amana.” She said as the two of you stood up. “If you need anything during your next few days don’t hesitate to reach out.” She said sincerely, offering a comforting smile. Your sister and you both exchanged thanks before leaving the office. 

You saw Luke nudge Connor to which he muttered a shut up, you smiled. “Nice to see you again pretty boy.” You said smirkingly, Jai looked up from his phone. “Again, you went into the haunted woods?” He said looking at Connor, who blank faced. “Thanks for ratting me out. Besides, there wasn’t anything out there other than Y/n and their fists of fury almost giving me a black eye.” He said punching you lightly in the shoulder, laughing with you. 

“What’s the deal with those woods anyway? It seems like everyone has some story about them.” Ramona asked no one specific just wanting a general answer after hearing the endless week of comments. The group went silent, “Okay so like did someone get murdered there. Some true crime type beat?” You asked as you leaned against the wall next to Connor. Leaning your head on his shoulder, he leaned his head on yours after a few moments of hesitation. 

“It’s an unbelievable story.” Jai said as he looked at the comic in his hand with a confused look and then closed it, Ramona smirked. “Oh we know a lot about those type of stories.” She said standing next to Gabby. Both were stealing looks when the other wasn’t. “Where are you guy’s from?” Hanna asked with confusion and a slight laugh. “Where aren’t we from.” You said under your breath catching the attraction of the group. 

“We’re military, we move a lot.” Ramona said. The cover story that had been engrained into you both from elementary school. “Damn that must suck.” Luke said getting elbowed by Hanna, “I mean thank you for your service.” He corrected himself. You laughed a little as Luke tried to awkwardly save himself. You saluted him, causing Connor to smile. 

“Nice bracelets.” Gabby said to Ramona, she looked down at them before looking back up. “Thanks.” She said slightly flustered and blushing. “Mo you should see if you and Gabby have any classes together.” You suggested slightly trying to wing woman. “What? Oh yeah!” She said handing over her schedule eagerly to Gabby. Soon enough the two walked off. 

“So, Hanna do you have the list for morning announcements?” Jai said, Hanna met him with a confused look as did Luke. “Announcements? Oh yeah! We’ll see you guys after home room!” As they left Connor and you in the hallway. “Your friends really lack subtly.” You said as you watched them go down the hallway, Hanna arguing with Jai while Luke occasionally looked back.

“Oh you have no idea.” He said turning back to you, “Oh! How do you feel about horror movies?” He asked reaching into his backpack. “Top three movie genre. Why?” You asked, he pulled out a small “slashers rule” pin and handed it you. “A formal apology for scaring you in the woods the other night, and you seemed like you’d like it.” He said gesturing to your backpack decorated with pins and patches, you smiled. “I love it.” His nervousness seemed to fade with those three words. “I’ve never really had friends or anyone give me something like this so, thank you.” 

“That must’ve been lonely.” He said as you shrugged, it was lonely but it was also complicated. “Yeah but i’m not lonely anymore.” You said as you subconsciously ran your thumb over the pin and looked up at him. He blushed, you’d learned he did that a lot and quite easily none the less. 

“So you ready for the shadow bay tour?” He said pushing off the wall, rubbing his hands together. Students had started to clear out of the halls paying absolutely no attention to Connor and yours’ affair in the corner. “Oh definitely. Just so you know i’ve been to four schools over the past eleven years, so you’re competing with that.” 

“Oh it’s a competition?” He said with fake outburst laced onto his voice, you nodded with a sarcastic smile that turned genuine. “I think i can handle that.” He said as you two began descending down the halls of Shadow Bay high. Despite your own personal barriers and everything you’d ever been taught in your life, you were falling for Connor. Your better judgement knew that you’d pay for that at some point in your life. Sooner or later, you always did. 

--

hello my loves! This is part one of three and i’m currently working on the other parts! 

[do-you-have-a-flag]

Destiel shippers come get ya’ll juice!

SO @deadwright​ and I were inspired by Some Tumblr Posts and the twitter Roadhouse  Wedding stuff and keep writing headcanons about Thee Destiel 2021 Married Ever After S16 SPN Romantic Event Of The Season, so here’s that. 

Arranged in order of marital chronology and cutting out us keysmashing too much:

oh man imagine all the burgers they get catered for the reception dean got it done himself he would’ve been so particular about the catering bridezilla cas would probably be THEE bitchiest bridezilla

it's also definitely that trope where all the other hunters ect KNOW that that many of them and the wedding party are essentially a target for trouble so everyone spends the 24 hours leading up to the vows taking out every beastie who shows up on a revenge kick out of sight because they'll be damned if they let ANYTHING stop this wedding and Dean and cas are both having their marital jitters oh god im not good enough what if something goes wrong about mundane things while monsters are getting their ass kicked outside AWWWWWWWW for sure for sure, they’re hunter royalty this wedding is a big deal like half the attendees are nursing injuries but grinning widely

they don't do the can't see eachother before the wedding thing because you KNOW dean would be fixing cas' tie last minute

dean wears a blue pocket square to match cas' tie cas wears a FLANNEL SQUARE

I’m obsessed w the idea of cas giving dean a little bit of his grace in a small bottle on a chain for him to wear or like a wing feather or some part of him god the grace in a bottle breaks me every time in fic dean probably builds cas something but every time i try to think of something specific i choke up

i was thinking like what if trading grace is as close to a romantic gesture as angels have and he's like..... technically i left some grace behind in your mark when i dragged you from the pit and dean is like ARE YOU SAYING WE'VE BEEN MARRIED THIS WHOLE TIME? 

they are so sweet i’m on the verge of tears the ability to do anything by halves in their relationship was burnt out by like the second return from the dead moment they are too insane to be anything less than All In And Then Some

at one point someone was like hey cas do you want to run your vows by someone as practice? and he started reading what he'd prepared and it devolved into Biblically Grand Statements Of The Power Of Love And The Redemption Of - ect ect ect and it's because unlike the confession scene he's had TOO much preparation and overshot into uncanny angelic vibes he makes some edits because he know the expressions he gets when he reads it aren't what he intended

dean writes page after page after page of unused drafts, none of them are particularly floral

he does the cliche of ripping up his vows and improvising at the altar, something he gets mercilessly teased for because he swore he wouldn't but it classifies as a chick flick moment

THAT’S SO PEAK HIM OH MY GOD and you knoooooow you just KNOW it’s beautiful and emotional and everyone is crying

god the NOVELTY of dean being emotionally honest in front of people......im gonna faint YEA yeah... ONE TIME ONLY DEAL he thinks loudly at Sam's smug expression

anyway, at the wedding dean is the one who spends the whole ceremony with like crying cat meme eyes after the confession scene i’m pretty sure the minute the vows start cas is in the same boat USELESS HUSBANDS dean gets passed a handkerchief for his tears and immediately goes to use it on cas' face and they both laugh sob love the idea that everyone individually thought they were too tough to cry but they all broke at various stages yeah sam definitely starts to choke up just standing up there with his brother sam chokes up before the ceremony even started, like probably when he was pinning on dean’s corsage

anyway, Jack dancing with his two dads at the reception CAS’ BEST MAN / FLOWER BOY FLOWER MAN let him heelie down the aisle with the flowers LITTLE MAN GO NYOOM who makes him a little flower crown he wears with a proud lil smile? claire ofc, with those hair braiding skills? she makes it BEAUTIFUL flower crown: on nails: painted dads: MARRIED!!!!

when they say i do and kiss and everyone is cheering you can't convince me that someone doesn't let off what is either a gun or a dubiously legal firework in celebration jack pops a few lightbulbs in his uncontrollable joy

Dean and Cas can't let go of each other, it's at LEAST one point of physical contact for the rest of the reception PERIODT

CAN YOU IMAGINE THEM DANCING TO AIR SUPPLY

they definitely didn't do the wedding gifts thing but a few mysteriously show up anyway; discuss waffle iron from sam bc he remembers the becky incident meanwhile claire gets them flavoured lube because she’s an insane little mean girl she gets them a sampler package with like novelty flavours, gotta spring extra for a wedding PIE FLAVOURED LUBE

it’s gonna be the party of the century omfg you KNOW it! that dancefloor going OFF the BAR is FLOWING

dean gets dragged up onto the bar to make a speech and there's a moment at the end where he drags cas up there too and they're being playfully yelled at not to scuff it and there's hooting and catcalls as dean and cas kiss and dean gestures rudely before almost falling backwards off the bar before cas grabs him and climbing down is less romantic or dignified but he couldn't care if he wanted to

meanwhile sam and claire are outside defacing the impala with silly string and lewd graffiti and tin cans tied to the bumper for the going-away oh it is one hundo percent a just married atrocity there's enough condoms hidden in the car that they're still finding them months later

anyway wanna hear my disgustingly soppy honeymoon roadtrip concept? YOU KNOW I DO OKAY SO

you know at some point dean must have said some sad thing like for the longest time he never thought he'd live long enough to get married and the only circumstances he could imagine was hooking up drunkenly with a stranger at some vegas wedding scenario like that's the best he would ever get and he thinks it's mostly forgotten but then during their cross country honeymoon roadtrip castiel does in fact navigate them to las vegas and quietly mutters that the legal veracity of the little chapel on the city limits is dubious at best and they're already married so it couldn't do any harm and they get officiated by an elvis impersonator and a woman wearing more sequins than fabric throws cheap confetti over them

and after that they stop into every venue they can find that would be friendly to them to pretend they're eloping and at one point dean even pulls out the fbi id badges and the officiant is under the impression he's facilitating some sort of covert workplace romance 

one place is a kitchy little house that's clearly just the couple who run it opening their strange home to anyone who needs it and have been since the 70s and Castiel thinks for a moment when they're asked to pin something to the collection of stuff on the walls and ceiling before pulling the receipt for the pie they'd shared earlier in a dinner out and scrawling his and dean's name on it to be added to the clutter 

and at one point they stand ankle deep in a pond while some old hippie lady wraps their clasped hands together with soft fabric and chants something that dean knows isn't real magic but hey he's not going to tell her that and after the ceremony they sit on the grass and feed each other sweet bread to complete the binding or whatever and it's nice but it doesn't compare to the ranch where they both tossed their cowboy hats in the air and were given a horse to ride to their camp site

i thought about riverboat gambling for point one seconds and now i know in my bones that one of their many weddings was on a riverboat, they made the captain officiate after cornering him on deck in like five minutes, the crew sent them complimentary champagne and they threw fries at the birds following the boat while sharing it straight out of the bottle

if destiel can go canon multiple times they can get married multiple times CHANGE MY MIND THEY GET MARRIED SO MUCH the MOST married i just want them to get gay cowboy married

eventually i want them to end up at the beach bc dean has canonically never been to the coast their road trip is to get to the other coast

they send just married postcards back to sam from every stop sam stops feeling hurt he was left out of their vegas elopement wedding by the third wedding postcard he recieves sam saves them ofc bc GOD can you imagine them looking at the postcards on their 30th anniversary or s/t 🥺 showing their grandkids and recounting the story of each wedding there's a seashell taped to the last one

cas gets a terrible sunglasses tan and dean gets burnt on the tips of his ears and there's sand on sand on sand in all their clothes and at one point dean is blinking away salt water and cas is gripping his arm and saying something about the coral by them in the water and dean thinks that he likes floating beside cas a lot better than flying

dean has cas pick ice cream for them from a truck and hustles at carnival games enough to win them both big novelty foam hats and they both go back to their room and pass out immediately post shower sprawled across the bed and still smelling like sunscreen and salt water

dean tucks a little cocktail umbrella behind cas’ ear

cas spends most of the next day in dean's zepplin shirt and a pair of shorts they only picked up once they got there because neither of them thought to bring beach clothes, they sit on the balcony and dean sips his beer and idly plays with the ring on cas' finger and they play a game of what fictional monsters could they beat in a fight

cas’ true form is the size of the chrysler building he can fight king kong easy that's what he says and dean's like okay but what about mothra and castiel is like how would YOU defeat mothra and dean just goes "bugspray." GDJSGSHSGSHDSJ DEAN WOULD

in honour of misha putting his whole pussy into the role, cas wears a dress in at least one of their weddings

it's at one of those theme parks that's just historical re-enactments and people get their vows renewed there and there's costumes for the photobooth and the staff are like how long have you been married? castiel says two weeks, three days, eighteen hours, and twenty five minutes................ approximately.  and the photo is cas in a classical wedding gown and dean is wearing the veil with his old timey suit and there's a moose head on the wall behind them wearing the top hat he was given and they send that print with an arrow pointing at the moose with sam written next to it

i keep thinking bitch!!!! you KNOW WHAT!! you KNOW that dean is the type a guy who's heart races every time he feels his wedding ring/is always fiddling with it in the weeks after the wedding, like an anchor to remind him they really got married this is real he would NEED that physical reminder that he can have good things

he’s never ever going to take it off, the tan line will be permanent

how funny it would be if dean gets injured on a hunt and the monster guy is about to kill him and then the lights blow out and the monsters are like what was that and dean is just like "[spits blood] that's my husband." and nek minnit cas has just ripped through them thanks to teleporting in angel style and is just like Cas: [heals dean] "you're late for movie night" Dean: "Well if you'd gotten here earlier i would have been on time." Cas: >:| [kisses him]

cas is like i didn’t burn the popcorn this time you BETTER be alive to see it

[toziers]

Idk about chili’s *discourse* but now i cant stop thinking about ch 2 dinner scene taking place in a chili’s

oh my god.... you’re right..... 

it’s richie’s idea. derry’s started to get with the times (as much as derry can, which is why they end up with a chilis) and richie’s gotten into this habit of ending the shows that dont go well by finding the nearest applebee’s and drinking as many dollaritas as they’ll give him before ubering home and passing out shirtless on his couch. sadly, there’s no applebees, but chili’s is close enough, even if the drinks are a little bit pricier (not that richies thinking hes going to need the drinks or anything-- its just his old pals, right? eddie, and .... eddie..........hm. whatever, two-for-one margaritas arent that much more expensive)

stan vehemently refuses to come (yes, he’s alive, suck my dick andy mushtitty). seriously? a chilis? they’re already going to be in derry of all places, and now stan’s gotta deal with it being in a chilis on top of that? stan suggests no less than five other restaurants, which most of the losers reply they’d be happy to go to, but richie is firm on the fact he refuses to get drunk in a nice restaurant. stan eventually gives up after richie promises not only to buy stan’s meal, but to owe him Some Big Favor when all of the clown bullshit is over. 

mike eats at chilis about once a week, so its nothing out of the ordinary for him. actually, when he walks in, the staff recognize him, and mike’s not (that) offended when they hide their shock that he’s not eating alone this evening. they set up a table in the back and they’re all so excited that mike’s out on the town with his pals that they bring over a whole round of drinks for everyone for free. bill rests his hand on mikes as its happening when he thanks mike for such a special treat, and the waitress leans down and whispers (loudly) she’ll make sure the table has their private time. mike will probably never return to this chili’s based on that comment alone, and the rest of the pennywise spectacular hasn’t even happened yet

bill is JAZZED. are you kidding? chilis? thats like, unironically his favorite restaurant. the endless chips & salsa, the decadent chicken crispers, the ranch dressing that is, for whatever reason, way better at chilis than any other brand of ranch dressing hes ever had. richie pitches the idea and bill gets so excited that half the reason stan gives up on finding another place to eat is because bill starts getting those big sad puppy eyes that no one, not even stan, can resist. once seated, bill, blushing, asks mike if he wants to split a flatbread. stan and bev just roll their eyes at each other because splitting a flatbread in chilis is basically gay first base.  

eddie hates chili’s. he’s never actually been to one before, but he hates it. at least, he hates it until he has 3 & 1/2 strawberry margaritas and all of a sudden he LOVES chilis, and he LOVES these margaritas, and hey, richie, asshole, lets fucking arm wrestle, right here! why doesnt he go to chilis more? they should go to chilis all the time.

bev and ben split a 2 for $25, and when the waitress delivers their food “to the happy couple”, neither of them try to correct her. 

the rest of dinner goes probably very similar to it chapter 2 except at the end of the meal there’s no fortune cookies, instead monsters start crawling out of the lavacakes everyone had ordered, and when mike starts slamming the chair on the table, the chili’s staff don’t even come over because last year their rat problem nearly got the building shut down and they trust mike to kill it

[spn-meanttobe]

Summaries Part One [1-50]

Claiming Info -- FAQs/Rules The first Claims post will be a separate post going up on Saturday, November 7th at 12 pm EST. The second Claims post will be a separate post going up on Sunday, November 8th at 12 pm EST.

1. A Cowboy's Touch Abigail Jones intends to spend just one summer in middle-of-nowhere Montana with her Aunt Lucy. Time away from her job is just what Abigail needs to reassess her life. The slow pace has her breathing deeply for the first time in years. And the majestic scenery encourages her to get reacquainted with herself... and God. What she didn't count on was the handsome widowed cowboy who owns the ranch where her aunt lives. When the rancher loses his daughter's nanny, Abigail decides to lend a hand for the summer. Wade Ryan can't help being attracted to Abigail. But he's given up everything to protect his daughter, and he's not about to risk it all on a pretty face. 2. A Different Kind of Man Emalea LeBlanc is a different kind of woman. Nicknamed "Doc" by the locals, she's a psychologist, a member of the volunteer search and rescue team and an avid motorcycle enthusiast. But she's haunted by memories of an abusive father and relationships with men who haven't been much better. What she needs is a different kind of man. Someone she can trust. Someone who won't hurt her. Jackson Cooper is the new investigator in Cypress Landing, and Emalea believes she knows his type – big, strong, overbearing. Dangerous. But Jackson has a tragic past of his own. And he's not exactly the kind of man he appears to be…. 3. A Forever Kind of Cowboy She wasn't the kind of woman who would spend the night with a stranger, yet runaway bride Lori Ashford shared one night and so much more with sexy Cord McVane. The innocent beauty had only come to Cord's isolated cabin seeking shelter, but when her rugged protector showed her a passion like no other, she was lost. For Lori had long dreamed of sharing her heart with a strong, honorable man – a man like Cord. And now that she was carrying his child, she hoped this brooding loner could forget his painful past and be her forever man. 4. A Little Christmas Romance There's no such thing as second chances, and Brooke would know. This Christmas will be spent alone and uncelebrated, same as the last. It doesn't matter that she's a disgruntled mall elf, standing next to a chimney-scented Santa with the most annoying co-worker ever. It doesn't make Christmas more magical. It's just another day to endure, and the holiday can't pass fast enough. That is, until her old flame, Chris, spots her. After taking a picture with Brooke in her elf costume, things take an unexpected turn. Maybe getting through the night won't be so difficult after all. 5. A Voice in the Dark No one knew what Noah Graydon looked like, but they'd all heard the rumors. How he'd been broken, even scarred, on his last case. How he never showed his face…until the day he took an overwhelming interest in one very special agent. Angel Carter would have been a serial killer's next victim if not for Noah. The rescue gave her a glimpse into his world of shadows – yet she dared to want more. To really know if the passion between them was real. They would have to come face-to-face if the killer was to be caught – and Noah could only conceal his body from Angel for so long... 6. Abby and the Bachelor Cop Bride-to-be Abigail Callahan has her life mapped out. Good career, wealthy fiancé – it's perfect... too perfect. Then sexy bad-boy-turned-cop Raff Finn reenters Abby's life, landing her with an adorable homeless dog called Kleppy and a whole lot of trouble... Raff's teenage recklessness once broke them apart, but he's not about to let his childhood sweetheart marry the wrong guy. With help from Kleppy and some Banksia Bay magic, Raff plans to reawaken the Abby he's always loved. 7. After Dark When a shocking scandal exposes southern secrets... As the blazing heat of summer gives way to sultry September, a shroud of suspicion settles over Noble's Crossing, a sleepy Alabama town. Nothing is as it seems--and never will be again. Lane Noble Graham stands accused of murdering her ex-husband. And the one man who can help, Johnny Mack Cahill, vowed never to return to the town that scorned him--or the woman whose love he knew he didn't deserve. ...No one is safe from cold-blooded murder. From the rusted-out trailers on the wrong side of the river to the stately pillared mansions along Magnolia Avenue, everybody has something to hide--but one secret could make Lane and Johnny Mack the next targets of a twisted killer, who's struck once and is bent on striking again... 8. Alena The wild heart of a warrior beat in the breast of Alena, daughter to a queen and mother to a king. A Celtic princess, she resolved never to bend to Roman rule. But how could she foresee that the iron fist of Rome would stoke her soul with the velvet glove of passion. Marcus Valerius, Prefect of the Seventh Legion, had proven himself many times over in combat. Now newly come to Britannia, he would ensure the peace – despite the wiles of a tall, tawny-haired barbarian goddess with witchcraft in her lips! 9. Bayou Whispers Plagued by nightmares and fractured memories, Laura Larame returns to her childhood home in the Louisiana bayou, where her mother vanished and she almost drowned. She searches for answers with the handsome Creole who saved her once before. A man who holds the dark magic that isn't finished with her yet. Since childhood, Drew Michel has seen death and the spirits who walk the halls of his family’s ancestral home, and they are warning him—Laura will die. Deep in the swamp, an ancient ritualistic clan is planning to claim her life. Can he defeat the evil that demands her blood and save the woman he has grown to love, or will the bayou claim them both in a demon’s ultimate sacrifice? 10. Big Girls Don't Cry Thanks to a devastating revelation about her husband, Reenie Holbrook's once-perfect marriage is over. For eleven years she had the life she wanted--and now it's gone. Reenie decides that the first step in recovering from her ordeal is to find work; after all, she has three young children to support. She's thrilled when she lands a job at Dundee High teaching history--until Isaac Russell, the man who triggered the unraveling of her marriage, accepts a temporary position teaching science. Then she's tempted to quit. Reenie doesn't care if the whole town admires Isaac... and she won't admit that, secretly, she admires him, too. She doesn't want to see him or his sister in "her" town. But a friendship with the most unlikely woman leads to a relationship with the most unlikely man.. 11. Boss Man The permanent temporary... Blake Kemp was a man who knew his own mind and was as stubborn as the day is long in Jacobsville, Texas. As the town's leading lawyer, he had a reputation to uphold, and he didn't want the tender ministrations of his assistant to get in his way -- even if he desperately needed her, since those big boots of his did have a tendency to step on toes... So, of course, the boss man blew up at pretty, gentle Violet, for having the nerve to, of all things, step on his toes, causing her to leave him in a cloud of Texas dust. But being a smart as well as hardheaded man, Blake could soon see that without his guiding light, his life would be in darkness. Only one thing to do -- hire her back and make sure that business didn't mess with matters of the heart...on or off the job! 12. Bound to the Sicilian's Bed Rocco's outrageous proposition: His estranged wife will spend one final weekend in his bed! When Rocco's runaway wife asks for a divorce, the Sicilian billionaire seizes his chance! They've never discussed their painful past, but this is the perfect opportunity to get Nicole out of his system for good. He offers her a deal: if Nicole wants to move on with her life, she will be his one last time! 13. Brothers Without Borders For Avery Grey, life wasn't easy. He was smaller than most guys and nerdy, a real prize winner. And, as if this wasn't enough, he was gay and in love with the one person he knew it was wrong to desire. Rather than deal with the heartbreak, he chose to dedicate himself to medical school. Hunter Grey, the tough guy athlete tried to focus on everything other than the one person who caused the ache inside his heart. For years, he had managed to keep his secret locked up inside him. Although some of his teammates didn't know he was gay, this was the least of his worries. His biggest secret haunted him and had him waking up in the middle of the night soaked to the bone in sweat. The guilt and disgust within him tore him apart each day. When secrets are exposed, how will an unconventional love between brothers change the lives of these two men? Can their bond and love for each other survive and flourish, or will it ultimately rip them apart? 14. Claimed by a Vampire Beautiful and independent, writer Yvonne Dupuis is used to taking care of herself. But when she moves into her new apartment and senses a demon watching her every move, stalking her at every turn, she has no choice but to put her life in the hands of a dangerously sexy vampire. From the first whiff of Yvonne's intoxicating scent, Investigator Creed Preston knows his client has something to fear. Under Creed's protection, she will be drawn irresistibly in by his secrets and experience the sheer force of immortal desire. And not a moment too soon. For the evil hunting her isn't acting alone – and he won't stop until he claims her for his very own…. 15. Closer Encounters To Drew "The Riever" McDowell, this seemed like a fairly straightforward assignment: track down Tracy Brandt and find out her connection to a top secret mission. But when Drew finds her, he realizes Tracy has a mission of her own – solving the sixty-year-old murder of Trixie Halston, a mysterious, mesmerizing singer of the 1940s. In fact, Tracy's obsession with Trixie goes beyond interest – at times she actually seems to become Trixie. She goes from demure but contemporary woman to the brazen big band singer on a dime. And the scary thing is – Drew is falling hard. For both of them… 16. Club Arcana: Operation Janus Beneath librarian Angus McAslan's respectable demeanor thrums the heart of an adventurer. He dreams of traversing the globe, exploring ancient ruins, and discovering amazing scientific breakthroughs. And unbeknownst to even his dear devoted mother, he's just put the finishing touches on his own epic novel about a swashbuckler on Venus-- complete with illustrations! But after inadvertently reciting a summoning spell, Angus finds himself thrust into an adventure beyond even his own wildest imaginings. Suddenly, demon-possessed pupils try to kill him. Half-human creatures stalk him. His mother reveals herself as a witch, and his wizard uncle proclaims it high time Angus joins the family business. Complicating matters: the exquisitely handsome young man--bearing an uncanny resemblance to the aforementioned Venusian swashbuckler--sent by his uncle to collect Angus, and the suave, aristocratic warlock who materializes with dire warnings of a resurrected Elder God called Janus. 17. Dark Descent For each, there could be only one. They came from the darkest places: secluded monasteries, the Carpathian mountains, galaxies under siege. They were men with the blackest pasts--warriors, vampire monks, leaders of armies--but whose passions burned like dying stars. They had one purpose: to find those women who fulfilled them, completed them, and made them rage with a fire both holy and profane. They sought soul mates whose touch consumed them with desire, yet whose kisses refreshed like the coolest rain. And each man knew that for him there was only one true love--and in finding her, he would find salvation. 18. Dark Temptation Had special-effects genius Jason McLain really murdered his wife, as the tabloids claimed? Valerie Wiggins approached his spooky old house, hoping to convince him to help make their Halloween charity event truly frightening. But when he opened the door, her heart raced not with fright but sizzling arousal. Jason feared caring for Val would put her in danger, but could helping him face his demons silence her own? 19. Deadly Gamble Mojo's got an uncanny knack for winning at slots, but her home sweet home is Bad-Ass Bert's Biker Saloon. She'd love to go undercover with an irresistibly hot cop, but he's got baggage as big as his biceps. Mojo survived a mysterious childhood tragedy, but she's never quite figured out who she really is or how to get on with her life. Now the wisecracking Mojo is seeing ghosts – the ectoplasmic kind – and turning up baffling clues to her real identity. And she'll need all her savvy and strange new talent to keep someone from burying her – and the truth – for keeps. 20. Decadent Club Casablanca – an exclusive gentlemen's club where exotic hostesses cater to the every need of high-stakes gamblers, politicians and big-business execs. No rules apply. And no unescorted women are allowed. Ever. But Ally Danner has to get in – to rescue her sister from the club's obsessive owner, Jason Aragon. And undercover FBI agent Sam Sinclair is just the man to help her. In return she'll use her inside knowledge to get Sam the evidence he needs to put Jason away. Only, once they get caught up in the club's hedonistic allure, the only favors they end up trading are sensual…. 21. Deception Cove In the world of Harmony, Rainshadow Island is home to a mysterious preserve, secrets that have been kept for centuries, and a treasure worth killing for... As a light-talent, Alice North has the rare ability to make things disappear, including herself--a gift that comes in handy during her magic act with her dust bunny Houdini. Business mogul Drake Sebastian is day-blind, since his sight was nearly destroyed in a lab accident. But he's the one man who can see Alice when she disappears--and he needs her. On Rainshadow Island, two dangerous Old World crystals are missing, igniting a paranormal storm. Drake thinks Alice is the key to finding them, and proposes they head there, but only after a Marriage of Convenience. Alice's honeymoon on Rainshadow is guaranteed to be memorable, as the island--and the passion between her and Drake--is about to explode... 22. Defender Dragon Lucas is a prince and a dragon shifter who left his country to become a bodyguard at Protection, Inc., an all-shifter private security company. Then his past caught up with him, forcing him home for an arranged marriage to a princess who isn't his mate. Neither of them wants the match, but they can't escape it… unless one of them finds their true mate first. Journey Jacobson is a free-spirited backpacker traveling the world. When she runs out of money, it looks like her adventuring days have come to an end. Then she attends a lavish ball to celebrate the upcoming engagement of Prince Lucas. Sparks fly between Lucas and Journey until she flees at midnight, leaving behind nothing but a shoe. Lucas sets out to find his mate, but that's just the beginning of his quest. Can he protect her from the mysterious assassins trying to kill her? And can restless Journey and lonely Lucas take the biggest risk of their adventurous lives, and open their wounded hearts to love? 23. Delicious Cal Buchanan needs a top-flight chef to take over his failing Seattle restaurant, The Waterfront. He can afford to hire the best in town – the only problem is that the best happens to be his ex-wife, Penny Jackson. Penny really needs this opportunity, but she doesn't need the distraction of working with her ex. She's sworn off romance – she's even having a baby on her own. But before she knows it, the heat is on…and the attraction between her and Cal moves from a low simmer to a full boil! The rest should be easy as pie, but a secret from Cal's past could spoil everything. Maybe it's true that too many cooks spoil the broth – or maybe two is enough to make it irresistible. 24. Double Jeopardy Ellie Landau couldn't pass up the invitation to a murder mystery weekend. It was even harder to pass up fellow player Jed Thorpe. Only Jed was the "killer," and Ellie wound up fighting for her life. Back in the real world, Ellie was the management consultant for Cludds Haberdashers, a simple enough job until she realized that something was terribly wrong there - and that Jed was intimately involved. Then someone tried to kill her for real. Ellie was in double jeopardy. Was she falling in love with the one man who could save her life - or end it? 25. Dream Man Detective Dane Hollister of the Orlando police department has never met anyone quite like Marlie Keen. While he has doubts about her supposed clairvoyant powers, she sees crimes as they're being committed, there is no doubt about how much he desires her. To Marlie, Dane is all heat and hard muscle, and he makes her body come alive as it never has before. But not even she can foresee that their passion will lead them on a dangerous journey into the twisted mind of a madman who will threaten their happiness and their lives. 26. Exposed Beautiful, sophisticated, and engaged to the son of a Senator, Evie Masterson has the perfect life. Except for one thing: it's all based on a lie. Five years ago, she created a new identity for herself and cut all ties to her criminal past. But she can't run forever, because something she witnessed years ago comes back to haunt her. And the only person there to help is the man she thought she left behind forever-the one man she's never been able to forget. Devastatingly gorgeous and just as ruthless, Riley Everett is the criminal for hire who once stole Evie's heart. Years have gone by, but he's never been able to forget her either. Now her life is in jeopardy, and even after all this time, he'd still do anything to protect her, even if that means breaking into her mansion and stealing her away. As they hide from the world, their long-lost passion reignites. But despite their undeniable chemistry, Evie can't give up the perfect life she's been working toward... and Riley has no part in it. 27. Fancy Pants They're caviar and beer. Kerosene on fire. They're going to fall in love. She was the most beautiful British bauble in Europe's jet-set playgrounds. Now she's broke, furious, and limping down a backwoods road in an ugly pink Southern Belle gown... He was tall, lean and All-American gorgeous. He liked his brews cold and women loved to keep him warm. Why in hell is he stopping his car for this woebegone, surly Scarlett? 28. Find Me Investigative reporter Sarah Newton debunks supernatural myths, and forces the truth to light whether people want to hear it or not. Now, with a popular teenager found tortured and murdered – and another girl missing – Sarah's out to prove it's not the work of an ancient curse, but a cold-blooded killer. She'll expose one Maine village's darkest secrets …while keeping the truth about her own past hidden from view. As Youngstown's newest councilman, Kale Conner's unofficial job is to minimize the bad publicity from Sarah's stories and, if possible, to keep her in line. But with time running out, and his own family at stake, Kale's finding his neighbors' terrible deeds might be too deadly to sweep under the rug…and he and Sarah are headed toward a heated endgame with only one shocking way out... 29. Groomed for Murder Brooke Palmer's exclusive doggie spa, Pawlish, is sued when a client's pampered champion gets a bad poodle cut. The client's lawyer is drop-dead gorgeous Drew Hudson, but Brooke won't be wooed by a corporate shark in a sharp suit. This frivolous lawsuit is Drew's chance to advance to partner, but things get complicated when he finds that the side he's rooting for isn't the side he's fighting for. 30. Her Favorite Rival A new meaning for office politics: Audrey Mathews has worked hard to get here. Now she's up for a promotion and nothing will stand in her way – including Zach Black. He's hot, smart and the competition. When they're assigned to the same project, she's shocked at how much she actually likes about him…and how much she misjudged him. Before long Audrey is seriously falling for Zach – and indulging in an affair that's against company policy. And the stakes rise when it's clear only one of them can get ahead. So where do they draw the line between competition and love? Especially when she doesn't want to lose either the promotion or the guy…. 31. Hero Special Forces soldier, Haze Welch, is military born and raised. Serving the country is what the Welch men do, and all Haze has ever wanted. But during an 18-month tour overseas, his world shatters in an instant. Haze gets injured and is not able to return to active duty. Unable to face the thought of spending the rest of his life behind a desk, he accepts a job offer as a personal bodyguard in Los Angeles for the flighty heiress Leighton Machus. After all, one spoiled little girl would be a piece of cake compared to everything else I've been through, right? Little does Haze Welch know, he's about to get a rude awakening. 32. Hissy Fit The night before her wedding, in the middle of an oh-so-smart rehearsal dinner, interior decorator Keeley Murdock chances upon her fiancé and maid of honor in flaming flagrante delicto. Keeley throws the hissy fit to end all hissy fits and storms out. The next day, though, she has to deal not only personally with a broken engagement but also with her business being shut out by folks in a town financially obligated to her ex. Rescue comes in the form of the new owner of the local bra plant. This guy is a hunk but he's also a teensy bit weird, since he hires Keeley to redo the broken-down antebellum mansion he's bought for the woman of his dreams. The trouble is, he's never met said woman. So Keeley dives in and finds that true love can come even to those who throw humdinger hissy fits. 33. Hold Your Breath Lou's new to the Rockies, intent on escaping her oh-so-controlling ex, and she's determined to make it on her own terms...no matter how tempting new ice dive captain Callum Cook may be. But when a routine training exercise unearths a body, Lou and Callum find themselves thrust into a game of cat and mouse with a killer who'll stop at nothing to silence Lou—and prove that not even her faithful Search and Rescue brotherhood can keep her safe forever. Lou is a hurricane. A walking disaster. Perfect chaos in every way. And with her, Callum's never felt more alive...even if keeping her safe may just kill him. 34. Home to Seaview Key Falling for a handsome stranger on the very morning they meet is hardly what recently divorced Abby Miller planned for her return to Seaview Key. Hoping to mend an old friendship and to give back to the community she loves, Abby's definitely not looking for love. For ex-soldier Seth Landry, Seaview Key seems like the perfect place to heal a broken heart…eventually. And when he rescues a beautiful woman on the beach, his nightmares about the past are eclipsed by daydreams about the future. Neither Abby nor Seth are looking for forever, but powerful love has its own timetable. And taking a chance on the future will test their courage in ways neither of them could possibly have anticipated. 35. How the Cowboy Was Won Ember Alzate is a fantastic matchmaker with one big problem: she can't find the perfect mate for herself! Alzate family legend says that when she kisses "the One" she'll hear a mysterious humming in her head. Well, Ember's kissed a lot of guys and she's never heard a thing. Now, instead of searching for herself, she vows to find her best friend, Ranger Lockhart, a bride. It's clear this smart, sexy man just needs to meet the right gal. Ranger's returned home to Cupid with marriage on his mind, but he's not interested in the parade of women Ember pushes under his nose. His thoughts keep returning to his best friend -- with her combustible combination of curves and sass. No one compares to Ember, but what's it going to take to convince her she's the woman for him? 36. How to Date an Alien High school senior Alex Bianchi's estranged father gets her an internship at Circe Operations Center to pad her college applications. But Circe isn't your typical military base. It's an alien-run operation center and not all of the aliens are friendly, especially the one that tries to kill Alex on her first day. When Ace, a dark-eyed Caltian, enters and saves the day, she can't help but be drawn to him. Can these star-crossed lovers survive when they're on the brink of intergalactic war? 37. How to Kill Your Boss When Tatum's daydreams of murder become a reality, all fingers point to her. In Tatum Wood's opinion, murdering her boss on a daily basis within the safety of her thoughts is better than therapy. Until he takes a swan dive off a building and all evidence points to her. Thank goodness she has Franklin Reed. Her mysterious, overprotective and drop-dead gorgeous coworker is all too eager to play hero. With two attacks in her building and her stalker with a penchant for roses, Franklin's injection into her life couldn't have come at a better time. As Tatum and Franklin scramble to discover who's behind the murder, secrets are unearthed that question his motives…as well as his identity. 38. How to Marry a Marquis She’s trying to follow the rules… When Elizabeth Hotchkiss stumbles upon a copy of How to Marry a Marquis in her employer’s library, she’s convinced someone is playing a cruel joke. With three younger siblings to support, she knows she has to marry for money, but who might have guessed how desperate she’s become? A guidebook to seduction might be just the thing she needs—and what harm could there be in taking a little peek? …But he’s making his own. James Sidwell, the Marquis of Riverdale, has been summoned to rescue his aunt from a blackmailer, a task that requires him to pose as the new estate manager, and his primary suspect is his aunt’s companion, Elizabeth. Intrigued by the alluring young woman with the curious little rulebook, he gallantly offers to help her find a husband… by practicing her wiles on him. But when practice becomes all too perfect, James decides that there is only one rule worth following—that Elizabeth marry her marquis. 39. Howling in the Darkness Danger! Undercover agent Jonah Ries couldn't explain to the stunning woman who'd mistaken him for her blind date exactly how he knew someone was trying to harm her. But evil stalked Moriah's Landing, and Katherine Ridgemont was its target. When she learned of Jonah's deep secret, Kat might not give him the time of day. Only that wouldn't stop Jonah from watching over the vulnerable beauty after dark. As the anniversary of Kat's mother's mysterious death approached, the instinct to protect became a fire in Jonah's blood. A fire matched by his determination to save the woman he loved from the unknown forces that haunted the night... 40. In the Groove She wouldn't know a NASCAR star if he hit her with his car... and he just did. Sarah was a kindergarten teacher until a sleazy ex-boyfriend got her fired. Now the only job she can find is driving the motor coach for racing star Lance Cooper. She doesn't know a thing about NASCAR – and she's off to a rocky start when she doesn't recognize her ultra-famous boss. Lance can't help but notice Sarah's sweet smile – and how seriously unimpressed she is with his fame. Her reaction piques his interest – and he's convinced she's a good-luck charm. But Sarah has no interest in Lance's jet-setting life; she'd rather deal with spitballs than one super-sexy race car driver. Too bad whenever he comes near her she turns hot as race fuel. Soon things begin to heat up on the track, and Sarah begins to wonder if she might be able to teach one famous race car driver a few lessons about love 41. Into the Night Sheltered in the shadows of the Smoky Mountains is the suspect who's summoned FBI agent Macey Night's fears to the surface. Every day that the "Profiler," a vigilante serial killer, escapes justice is another day she's reminded of what it is to be a ruthless predator's prey. Capturing him is a craving deeper than anything she's felt in a long time. But Agent Bowen Murphy, equal parts sexy and volatile, seems hell-bent on changing that. Working together—needing, living and breathing each other—they're entwined to distraction. Bowen's used to operating on impulse: act, don't feel. Now Macey and the controlled terror behind her beautiful eyes have him rethinking everything, including his rule to never get close to a colleague. He's willing to fight for a future with Macey, but the consequences of love could be deadly. 42. Killjoy Her razor-sharp mind and ability to decipher evidence have made Avery Delaney an expert crime analyst for the FBI. Now she will have to use every one of her skills on a case that hits painfully close to home. Avery's beloved aunt Carolyn was on her way to a posh spa in the Colorado mountains. But she never arrived. Now, with scant clues and fewer resources, Avery must track down Carolyn -- and outmaneuver a brilliant killer named Monk who is part of an elaborate plot of madness and lethal vengeance. 43. Lawless Five years ago, Judd Dunn, a hard-edged Texas Ranger, put Christabel Gaines's father behind bars – where he belonged. But Judd's involvement in Crissy's life was far from over. With their jointly owned ranch on the verge of bankruptcy, Judd wed her in name only, vowing to save their land, and vowing to ignore the sexual tension between them. Now, just when Judd decides to release Crissy from their sham of a marriage, he is blindsided by a bloodthirsty foe who is setting the stage for unspeakable evil by preying upon Judd's greatest weakness – his wife. No longer a starry-eyed schoolgirl, Crissy's a smart, fearless woman with unfulfilled desires. And she will do anything in the name of love – including taking a bullet for her husband. With their very lives at stake, Crissy and Judd must confront their darkest demons, their new rivals and their deepest desires – and face up to a mutual destiny they cannot outrun. 44. Lone Star Santa Kristen Zaleski is home for the holidays... indefinitely. Her acting career hasn't taken off -- in fact, it hasn't gone anywhere. So now she's spending her days helping out at her dad's P.I. office. Until Mitch Donner comes by and lights up her life. Sort of... Mitch is back at his parents' place, too. As a successful accountant who'd been set up to take the fall in a money-laundering scheme, Mitch isn't quite sure what to do. So he takes a job installing Christmas lights... and gets an early present when he runs into Kristen. Especially when she offers her newly acquired P.I. skills to help him get his life back. Working together, they plot an elaborate sting operation, one that will take a miracle to pull off. Then again, anything is possible at Christmas -- especially if it involves mistletoe! 45. Long, Hot Texas Summer A sassy redhead with an axe to grind… After catching her husband kissing another woman in the barn, Loretta Sullivan Bailey left Lonesome Canyon Ranch and swore she'd never come back. But when her daughter threatens to drop out of college to become a rancher's wife, Loretta refuses to let her baby make the same mistake she did. She returns to the ranch, determined to get her daughter back in school by the summer's end…and resolute on ignoring her feelings for her ex-husband. A bullheaded but oh so sexy cowboy… A cowboy from his hat to his boots, ruggedly handsome rancher Jackson Bailey is none too pleased that his feisty -- and gorgeous -- ex-wife has suddenly shown up seventeen years after their divorce. But despite all their fighting and fussing, the two stubborn former lovers soon discover that old flames burn the hottest. Can they finally put aside their differences and find happiness together…forever? 46. Looking for Laura Sally Driver is a widow trying to move on with her life when she finds a stack of perfume-scented love letters from her late husband, Paul, had received from a mysterious woman named Laura. Todd Sloane was Paul's best friend and he feels betrayed that his friend would keep such a secret from him. Together Sally and Todd go looking for Laura, but with luck on their side, they may just find something more meaningful along the way... 47. Making Him Sweat Round 1: In this corner is admittedly romantic Jenna Wilinski, who's inherited a rather seedy boxing gym from her estranged father. With it, she can realize her dream of launching an upscale matchmaking business…provided she can take on the very intimidating – and wickedly hot – boxer who stands in her way! Round 2: In the far corner is former pro boxer Mercer Rowley. He's the only one who can protect his "home" – even if it is a little run-down – from his determined and feisty little opponent. But man, once the gloves come off, his hands just want to touch her everywhere… Round 3: This matchup is too close to call. But no matter which contender comes out on top, the other is sure to enjoy every minute of it…. 48. Marry Me at Christmas To bridal boutique owner Madeline Krug, organizing a Christmas wedding sounds like a joy - until she finds out she'll be working closely with the gorgeous brother of the bride, movie star Jonny Blaze. How will a small-town girl like her keep from falling for the world's sexiest guy? Especially with mistletoe lurking around every corner! Jonny came to Fool's Gold looking for normal, not for love. Happily-ever-after only happens in the movies. Still, nothing about this quirky town is quite what he expected, and "ordinary" Madeline is the most extraordinary woman he's ever met. Refreshingly honest, disarmingly sweet. Achingly beautiful. Planning the perfect wedding leads to candlelit dinners and strolls through snow-covered streets. And Madeline finds Jonny in real life even more captivating than her celebrity crush. But will the action star be brave enough to risk his heart and step into the role of a lifetime? 49. Mischief Imogen Waterstone needed a man, and not just any man: one with an implacable will and nerves of iron. That's why she invited Matthias Marshall, the Earl of Colchester, to her home. For who better than the legendary explorer to help her lure a ruthless enemy to ruin. Yet when Imogen urges Matthias to masquerade as her spellbound suitor -- and let it be known that she possesses a priceless treasure map -- she never anticipates his electrifying response -- or her own. Suddenly, the unconventional lady is in the thrall of true passion... and vulnerable to a malevolent threat that emerges from the labyrinth of London society. 50. My Front Page Scandal Brooke Winfield is the devoted and dependable daughter of one of Boston's oldest families. So what is she doing on the back of a motorcycle in the middle of the night with sexy bad-boy ballplayer David Carrera? Elated by that recklessness, Brooke decides she's ready to take a Martini dare--and what a dare! Her performance at a posh strip club lands her back in David's arms for another unforgettable night... and in the tabloids the next morning.

[ladyfl4me]

what other writing inspires you? like other fics or stories?

Hmmmm. I haven’t been doing much new reading lately, outside of stuff I do for my coursework. That being said, there are a lot of works I like to return to. (Sorry about this long, long infodump on my favorite works, but boy howdy do I love these. I’m probably forgetting about five million other things, but those are the ones that come to mind right away.)

As far as fic goes, I used to read a lot of MCU stuff; I even wrote a few in my day, before mainstream fandom got too exhausting/the franchise went to shit and I was swept up by TAZ. I always cite @miamaroo​‘s Northern Migration as the fic that inspired me to take the leap into long-form intricate TAZ AUs. I also adore Seven Raptors by DragonWrites. If I hadn’t discovered these two stories while on a Balance fic binge last year, I definitely wouldn’t have written The Moth who Came In from the Cold. @morganeashton​‘s fic Running Home is also a stunning work that I regret not reading sooner. The chapters are short, but each one blew me away. Morgie paid incredibly close attention to even the most minor characters, fleshing them out in quick brushstrokes of dialogue and action that made me fall in love with the characters in brand new ways. I highly recommend reading it.

Outside of fic, there are three books that I always keep on my desk when I’m looking for inspiration, or just trying to find something to model/use as a guide:

American Gods by Neil Gaiman. This is a big one. I keep a copy of it on my desk to page through when I have trouble with dialogue, and balancing inner character monologues with external events. It’s also a good book for me to read while trying to work out The Children of Sylvain; I have a lot of moving parts in it, much like American Gods does.

Salamander by Thomas Wharton. I read this one and was like, you can do that?? With words???? Damn, son. It’s about a 18th century book printer who makes novelty books; he gets hired by a duke who’s obsessed with puzzles, to the point that he rigged his entire castle to rearrange its own fucking floor plan like an architectural Rubik’s cube. I’m talking beds leaving their rooms to zip around the castle on rails, in the middle of the night; moving walls; entire bookshelves leaving the library to make loops around the building. Some serious steampunk shit. This duke hires the printer to make a book that never ends, and this quest leads him on a journey across the world to gather the materials to print and bind his book. It is not as boring as it sounds, I promise. I mostly remember it for the lesbian pirate who liberates slave ships, but also for the really good prose, which is one of the reasons why I keep it on the desk for reference.

Sabriel by Garth Nix. Amazing worldbuilding, excellent prose, great characters and relationships, an incredibly compelling narrative and a protagonist on the front cover (of my edition) that I’m very gay for. 

[ID: the cover of the book Sabriel, by Garth Nix. The cover art shows a young white woman, from about the knees up. Her eyes are hooded and pensive. She wears a flowing blue overcoat with white trim, patterned with silver keys. Twelve small bells in protective leather pouches hang from a bandolier across her chest. A scabbard hangs from a belt around her waist; across the bottom of the picture, just barely visible, she holds an unsheathed sword with arcane symbols carved into it. She holds one small bell in her hand. A blurred, formless black shadow with glowing orange slits for eyes reaches towards her shoulder with a gnarled hand. The woman looks slightly over her shoulder, eyes hooded and pensive. End ID.]

The titular protagonist is part of a divine line of necromancers sworn to make sure the dead stay dead. She’s forced to journey from her current residence - a country like WWII-era Europe, except everyone can do magic and has a sword - across the border into the Old Kingdom, when her father goes missing and dead things everywhere start rising. I keep this one around for help with basically everything.

Other passive sources of inspiration for me include:

Lord of the Rings. My first fandom and one I’ll always return to. It informs so, so much of how I structure arcs and characters. It’s a good thing that most of the friends I bounce things off of/write for aren’t super familiar with it, because they’d be able to guess the plot of TCOS in like 5 minutes if they did.

TAZ, of course

the MCU, before the franchise went to shit and I developed critical thinking skills

the Pendragon series by D.J. MacHale (more of an elementary-middle school inspiration for me, which convinced me to take a leap into novel writing. I still have 3 or 4 of the books from this 10-book monolith)

video games:

999: 9 Hours, 9 Persons, 9 Doors

Beyond Good and Evil

Myst, games 1-3

I’m also subscribed to the Poetry Foundation’s poem of the day newsletter, which often sends me something that fucking Gets Me. At the moment, I’ve been really taken with the poems of Catherine Pierce; she came to do a reading at my college recently, and we read her collection The Tornado is the World for my poetry workshop course. I can’t recommend her enough. She’s got a gift for saying a lot in a frank, arresting way. Here’s an excerpt from “The Mother Warns the Tornado,” which is from that book (time to see if tumblr fucks up the formatting):

I will heed the warning

protocol, I will cover him with my body, I will

wait with mattress and flashlight,

but know this: If you come down here—if you splinter your way through our pines,

if you suck the roof off this red-doored ranch,

if you reach out a smoky arm for my child—

I will turn hacksaw. I will turn grenade.

I will invent for you a throat and choke you.

I will find your stupid wicked whirling

head and cut it off. Do not test me.

If you come down here, I will teach you about

greed and hunger. I will slice you into palm-

sized gusts. Then I will feed you to yourself.

Good shit. Reminds me a lot of Mama. I highly recommend giving The Tornado is the World a read! Not every poem in the book is quite as visceral as “The Mother Warns the Tornado;” some are melancholy, some are brash and cocky, some are sad, some are sinister, some are overcome with joy. It’s a beautiful anthology, and I found it very easy to read and relate to. I annotated my copy to hell and back and I’m definitely keeping it for years to come.

I’m going to regret this later, probably, but! If anyone has any recommendations for books, TV shows, podcasts, whatever, send me an ask! I’ll make a list. Or, knowing me, a spreadsheet. Have at thee!

[twodudesandamovie]

Brokeback Mountain Review

In lights of the recent Academy Awards, Eric nominated one of the more famous Oscar snubs in Brokeback mountain. Both Alex and Eric also were interested in how we look at LGBTQIA+ movies today as opposed to 15 years ago. Among the things discussed post-review were how Brokeback Mountain wouldn’t be controversial today, and how it was really a common love story with a twist.  Alex's Review: With ample amounts of dread, I dove into this over two hour long Lil Nas X origin story. Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger's characters seem to have no real jobs and instead aimlessly move sheep from Point A to Point B for no fucking reason and get paid for it. I guess maybe this is what being a cowboy entailed, but I assumed you became noted as a cowboy by your big hat combined with a denim jacket/jeans. Who could say really. Their relationship starts out on a confusing note, where you feel uncomfortable as to the willingness of both parties, but eventually you get to see a very complicated narrative form about what it was like to be secretly gay in 1963. The parts of the film that involve herding sheep are actually very entertaining, to have a peek into a lifestyle of a man who has to be able to pick up an entire sheep. I do not want or think I will ever need that ability, but I digress. The movie itself, although dreadfully long, hit on a lot of complicated emotions. Trying to follow three or more unsuccessful relationships throughout the course of the movie felt emotionally taxing at times, but not necessarily in a way that I could not relate to. At the end of the day, it sort of is just a complicated love story, but with a twist on it. Not unheard of in film, but I've never had to experience it told in this form. Usually, there's a "taking two girls to the same dance" kind of humor to it all. Eric and I talked about how we were interested to see the movie post 2005, where the stigma of homosexuality is no longer prevalent in society. That being said, the movie felt like its overall message was sort of missed, if it actually had a message. However, the movie's goal to hit me on an emotional level was extremely successful. I went from not caring about the characters and very confused about the purpose of their work or why they could not foster a single healthy relationship, I ended being surprised I had somehow burnt through 135 minutes and very sad Jake and Heath did not get to live their best lives. Although I think it was a actually a REALLY good movie on a lot of levels, I wouldn't say I necessarily enjoyed the film. It is surely the highest rated movie on Rotten Tomatoes I have seen in the past decade that is not a comedy or animated, the entire sentiment was sort of lost on me, because in 2020, the year of our lord, I now have shame that I am straight. Funny how time works. Alex's rating: 7/10

Eric’s Review: Growing up, Brokeback Mountain was of course known as “the gay cowboy movie.” Looking back, that summary was so minimizing for a movie of this excellence, but that’s what 14-year-old me knew it as. That shortsighted synopsis carried with me to this day, I’m not proud of it, but that’s what it stuck in my head as. It generated tons of controversy when it came out in 2005. Primordial fuck-noodles like Rush Limbaugh and Don Imus weren’t short on homophobic remarks of Brokeback, and the owner of the Utah Jazz even pulled it from his movie theatre’s. Every conservative with a mouth cavity couldn’t contain their uproar. Then it was snubbed at the Oscars. Crash won Best Picture instead of Brokeback Mountain, it shouldn’t have hurt this movie’s legacy, but it did. Crash seems more deeply-ingrained in my memory than Brokeback Mountain, and maybe because society at that time wasn’t ready for a movie quite like this. We put it in a box and never let it out. After watching, I deeply felt that it didn’t matter what Jack or Ennis’ sexual orientation’s were (as it shouldn’t), it was a love story about two exceedingly lonely human’s trapped in a society that wouldn’t accept them. Fast-forward 30-40 years from when the movie was set, and it didn’t seem like much had changed. I don’t think Crash deserved Best Picture over Brokeback Mountain, but am I angry that it happened? Not really. Awards are decided by those that vote on them (no shit), and that particular group of people felt Crash was the better movie. C’est la vie. I usually don’t enjoy dwelling on plot in my reviews but I owe it to the reader to say what this movie is about since so many people refer to it as “the gay cowboy movie.” Two men, Jack Twist (played by Jake Gylenhaal) and Ennis Del Ray (played by Heath Ledger), show up at a trailer in Wyoming asking for work for the summer. A jack-of-all-trades (including being a jackass) named Joe needs someone to keep an eye on his sheep for him up in Brokeback Mountain, so he sends them up there to do so with a horse, some guns, and some cans of beans. As they spend time on the scenic heart-swelling Brokeback Mountain, they fall in love. But it’s the early 60s, and as they prepare to go back down the mountain, they know they can’t carry out their romance in the narrow-minded rural landscape of their country towns. As Ennis points out, people get killed for that. This act ends in Jack and Ennis having a fist fight, as emotionally repressed men tend to do. Focus-in on blood Jack gets on his shirt and save this for later. Post-tryst, Ennis gets married and Jack is a rodeo boy making passes at bull-tamers. But then Ennis gets a postcard one day. The screenplay does a wonderful job seamlessly transitioning time as they carry out their romance over the years. They’d tell their wives they were going on “fishing trips,” when they were really going to the mountains for some whiskey and love-making. We can tell Ennis truly does love his wife Alma (played by Michelle Williams) at the start of their relationship. They have two kids, but the kids cause quite a strain on their marriage. And as the years go by, Ennis’ commitment issues due to his parents abandoning him as a child rear their ugly head. Jack marries a fellow rodeo girl in Texas named Laureen (played by Anne Hathaway), but their relationship is more of a business transaction. She approaches him to engage in some tumbleweed-rodeo-secks. She just wants a kid and a husband to help in the machinery business. This is okay with Jack and their marriage lasts, even with Jack’s infidelities. Ennis’ doesn’t. Alma knows about Ennis and Jack’s relationship and they grow apart over the years. Ennis’ commitment issues aren’t exclusive to Alma, though. As the film progresses, we see he applied this to every relationship in his life: his future girlfriend, his daughter’s, and even Jack. It’s why their relationship ultimately fails. Jack had dreams of living in the Wyoming country and being a cattle rancher with Ennis, but Ennis often laughed at the notion. Ennis remembers a time when his dad showed him a dead body of a gay man beaten to death. It’s hard to say if he’s ashamed of their relationship, or just scared. Even when he breaks down to Jack and exclaims: “YOU MADE ME LIKE THIS!” The audience knows he doesn’t really mean it, he’s just a scared Wyoming cowboy with commitment issues. The last act starts with Ennis attempting to mail Jack a postcard, as that’s how they used to communicate (I really do love how much more romantic a postcard or a letter can be than a text), he gets a return to sender that says “deceased.” Ennis calls Laureen and talks to her for the first time in his life. She knows he was one of Jack’s lover’s and seems slightly annoyed but at peace with it. She gives him a bogus story about how a tire popped and Jack drowned in his own blood, but Ennis knows he was beaten to death for being gay. His whole bitter-tough-cowboy facade crumbles, as it only could with Jack, and Ennis and Laureen have an honest moment reminiscing over the man they both loved. We could tell Laureen’s relationship with Jack was no longer transactional, as they aged together and learned to love each other. She tells Ennis he was cremated and that Jack always wanted his ashes scattered on Brokeback Mountain, and that he should go visit his parents. When Ennis arrives, we immediately know the family dynamic: Jack had a typical tough-exterior-tobacco-spitting farmer dad, but a sweet gentle mom where Jack may have gotten the familial love and understanding that Ennis never got. He used to tell his dad that he wanted to buy a home near him with Ennis and help with the ranch. Even through the dad’s tough exterior and his insistence on Jack’s ashes being scattered at the family plot and not at Brokeback Mountain, we can tell he’s truly a father who misses his son. There is something fragile to him, something so melancholy that it expels a grieving scent throughout the home. Jack’s mom tells Ennis that she left his room as it was when he was a child. Ennis goes up there in the most heartbreaking scene of the movie, and sees Jack’s roots. Then he wanders over to the closet and finds the shirt Jack was wearing the last day they were on Brokeback Mountain. The blood from their fight is still on the sleeve. It’s a symbol of how Ennis pushed away everyone he’s ever loved, but especially Jack, the love of his life and only one who ever truly understood him. He takes the shirt, not only as a memorial to Jack, but as a reminder of how he’s treated his loved ones in his life. In the last scene, Ennis’ daughter visits him. Previously, we learned Ennis was largely absent from her life. Ennis doesn’t even know who she’s currently dating when she visits him, and then she tells him she’s getting married. At first, Ennis wants to cling to his cold exterior, the shell it seems he’s reverted into even more since Jack’s death. But we see him finally shed this shell, as he tells his daughter he’ll be at the wedding. Maybe he heard Jack’s voice in his head reminding him to be a bit more brave, as after Ennis’ daughter leaves, he walks over to his dresser where Jack’s bloody shirt hangs. Cut to credits and let me cry. The first point that caught my eye about directorial choices in this movie was the stark juxtaposition of the dream-like Wyoming mountains and the depressing domestication of Wyoming and Texas rural home-life. The resplendent colors we see in the mountains and the off-whites and browns we see in Wyoming and Texas are purposeful and are painted with sincere artistry. Ang Lee had a balloon and he grabbed it with his gentle directorial touch then smeared it with peanut butter and sent it off into the clouds. The acting was downright phenomenal. I believe this was the first movie where Heath Ledger was taken seriously as an actor and not a Hollywood heartthrob. It was pre-Dark Knight and he may have never gotten that role if it weren’t for this movie. I know I pointed it out in my Little Women review, but the talent it takes to change your accent like that is befuddling. Ledger is Australian and is talking in a down-home Wyoming drawl. His portrayal of Ennis is the beating heart of this movie. I’d like to say he was a strong and silent type, but really he was weak and silent, sort of a metaphor for the way our society treated sexuality back then. I could review each actor’s performance, but the truth is: it was utterly superb all around. Only with this kind of acting and screenwriting can a movie achieve such character depth and nuance. Rating: 9.5/10. One of the best film’s of the twenty-first century. Did this deserve the Oscar over Crash? Fuck yes it did. I liked Crash but it wasn’t the all-around masterpiece Brokeback Mountain was. It’s also insane to think how far LGBTQ+ has come in 15 years, as I think Brokeback Mountain wouldn’t even be close to as controversial today as it was back then. Do I think it might’ve won the Oscar? Probably not. The academy hasn’t evolved much since then. R.I.P. Heath Ledger too, it was so sad watching a deceased actor at the top of his talent in one of his best roles. 

[chiseler]

Smoke

In 1935, a then-thirteen year-old high school dropout named Frank Cuthbert was arrested in Los Angeles after stealing a revolver. He was sentenced to three years in a notorious reform school in Ione, California.

Shortly after being placed in the reformatory’s version of solitary confinement, Cuthbert ran away, and immediately undertook a bit of a one-man crime spree, robbing several jewelry stores before making the mistake of driving a stolen car across state lines. When he was taken into custody this time, he was sentenced to three years in the federal penitentiary in Springfield, Missouri. Once his sentence at the federal pen was up, he was then transferred to San Quentin on other charges, and was eventually released shortly before turning twenty-one.

After being sprung from Quentin, Cuthbert played it more or less straight, taking on a number of odd jobs around Los Angeles. He at turns worked as a ranch hand, a lumberjack, and a truck driver, along with trying his hand at boxing.  

As the story goes, in 1943 Alan Ladd spied a tall and strikingly handsome young man riding a horse through the Los Angeles hills. The two chatted a bit, and Ladd mentioned the encounter to his wife at the time, agent Sue Carol. Carol in turn recommended Cuthbert take a screen test at 20th Century Fox. The test went well enough, and shortly afterward he began appearing in small, uncredited roles in a smattering of forgettable films, usually playing soldiers.

His first on-screen line came in the 1945 Laurel and Hardy vehicle The Bullfighters, in which, thanks to his dark features, he played a Spanish matador. In that same year’s The Great John L. he received his first screen credit as “Frank McCown,” the stage name handed him by some studio executive.

Around that same time McCown, who would never be mistaken for a real actor like John Garfield or James Cagney, signed on with agent Henry Willson. Willson had a reputation in the business for maintaining a stable of outrageously beautiful young men for whom acting ability was often an unnecessary afterthought. Willson also had a thing for catchy, memorable and manly names. So to better fit in with his other clients, like Tab Hunter and Rock Hudson, he re-dubbed his new acquisition “Troy Donahue.”

Then he changed his mind, deciding to save “Troy Donahue” for later. That might work better for a blonde. Instead he went with “Rory Calhoun.” Westerns were all the rage, after all, and it sounded more like a cowboy name.

That one stuck.

In short order, at six-foot-four, ruggedly handsome, and already comfortable on horseback, Calhoun became an inescapable presence in Westerns, usually playing tough guys (often of the bad variety) and almost always in his trademark black cowboy hat. Better still, with his dark hair, swarthy complexion and sharp eyebrows, he could easily play a Mexican if need be, which he often did. Over time, he earned the nickname “Smoke.”

There were a few brief detours for more lighthearted fare like How to Marry a Millionaire and With a Song in My Heart, but then it was always back to Westerns again.

In 1955, a year after co-starring with Robert Mitchum and (for the second time) Marilyn Monroe in River of No Return, and as he was fast becoming a familiar face to American television audiences, Calhoun was targeted by blackmailers. Although their precise demands remain a little fuzzy, the upshot was that if Calhoun didn’t pay up, his  criminal record would be leaked to the press, and once that happened he could kiss his career goodbye.

Sometimes, well, blackmailers don’t stop and think things all the way through before issuing a threat. In this case, for instance, they neglected to consider that  Calhoun was never exactly averse to playing villains. In response to the threats, he grabbed up his arrest records and handed them over to Henry Willson, who in turn (and with Calhoun’s blessing) handed them over to Confidential magazine for publication at their earliest convenience.

It was a win-win for everyone except the blackmailers. Confidential got a big scoop. Willson had cut a deal with the magazine, and by handing them that Calhoun exclusive, the editors agreed to kill a planned story about the secret gay lifestyle of another Willson client, Rock Hudson. And Calhoun’s career got a boost, as the Romantic tales of his misspent youth only bolstered his offscreen reputation as a tough guy.

As westerns began dying off in the early Sixties, Calhoun expanded his repertoire, taking roles in adventure films, detective shows, spy thrillers, historical dramas, soap operas and comedies, including a memorable turn as Jonathan Kincaid in a 1967 episode of Gilligan’s Island spoofing The Most Dangerous Game.

Then came the Seventies and Eighties.

Thanks to a variety of economic and cultural forces, once venerable stars found themselves forced to take roles in low-rent genre films. So, for reasons they’d rather not talk about, we found Joan Crawford starring in the apeman-on-the-loose picture Trog, Ida Lupino in The Devil’s Rain and Food of the Gods, Kirk Douglas smirking his way through The Final Countdown and Saturn 3, an understandably  drunk Ralph Meeker in The Alpha Incident, and John Huston, Shelley Winters and Henry Fonda co-starring in Tentacles, the Italian-produced Jaws knockoff about a giant octopus.

As embarrassed as the above must have been for taking those roles, few actors in their waning years can lay claim to a sub-B filmography quite as extensive as Calhoun’s.

The first sign of things to come came in 1972, when Calhoun co-starred with Stuart Whitman and Janet Leigh in the marauding giant bunny rabbit movie Night of the Lepus. Seven years later he starred in The Revenge of Bigfoot, which was admittedly one of the better entries in the sub-genre of Bigfoot movies. It’s worth noting that in both cases Calhoun, never a great actor, played it straight-faced, bringing an unusual gravity to the ridiculous goings-on.

In 1980 Calhoun was officially introduced to the slasher film generation, starring in the hit black comedy Motel Hell, in which he played a kindly but demented farmer who, with his sister, ensnared passing teens before butchering them and turning them into fritters which they sold to the locals. He followed that up with a charming and charismatic turn as Kit Carson, an aging Hollywood Boulevard performer and storyteller who befriends the local hookers in Angel, a teen exploitation film that wasn’t nearly as prurient as it claimed. After reprising his role in the following year’s sequel, Avenging Angel, it was on to the low-brow dystopian comedy, Hell Comes to Frogtown, with wrestler-turned-actor Rowdy Roddy Piper. He then ended his B film career in 1989 with a supporting role in a something-or-other called Roller Blade Warriors: Taken by Force.

I never saw that last one.

A seventy-year-old Calhoun ended his career on a high and respectable note with a well-received turn in Pure Country before dying in 1999. Funny thing is, looking back over a fascinating and storied life, and a fifty-year acting career in which he appeared in some eighty films and Every TV Show Ever Made, I can’t help but think he was a hell of a lot better in the cheap exploitation films than he was in the Westerns.

by Jim Knipfel

[min-kit]

The 5 Times They Were Caught and 1 Time They Weren’t (Fear the Walking Dead | Trick | 4/6)

Fandom: Fear the Walking Dead Ship: Troy/Nick Rating: T chapter: 4/6

read on AO3

The day that Nick had been born, Madison swore to protect him no matter the costs. And that’s what she had always tried to do--protect him. Protect him from outside forces, like the time he shoved a pebble up his nose and got it stuck or the time he swam a little bit too far out to the beach and nearly drowned.

She tried to look after him, keep a close eye, but every time she would even glance away for a moment… Nick would run off, doing something destructive, even before he knew what the word meant.

He was too much like his father. Too much like Steven who tried so hard for other people, but kept getting heavier until eventually, there was nothing left. Nick had grown up with it, grown up with seeing his father slowly shut down, and she knew how it affected herself; she could only imagine how Nick had felt about it.

But she knew what it had caused.

Madison still remembered the talk she’d had with Nick when he was thirteen. About pot and the dangers and consequences. She remembered thinking, “oh thank god it’s just pot”. How she wished it were still.

Nick hadn’t said anything during the lecture, just stared at the ground and took it in stride, promised he wouldn’t do it again and then left. Madison had been slightly worried but knew her son well enough to know he’d never lie to her. He said he wouldn’t do it again and she trusted that.

What she hadn’t known was how much… worse it was getting. Rehabs atop of rehabs, going days, sometimes a week or more, without hearing from Nick, wondering if he was even still alive.

Every time the phone rang, they were terrified it’d be the police or the hospital calling to tell them that he was dead. They’d almost lost him once, in fact; he’d overdosed and cried, promising that he’d try to get better. But the moment he’d gotten out of the hospital, he was gone and it was three days before Nick came stumbling back home.

Madison some days wondered where she had failed as a mother. Had she not given him enough attention? Had she not taught him dangers of drugs properly? But deep down she knew it wasn’t her fault, Nick had been born surrounded by darkness, just like Steven had been.

Lately, however, and as if by some miracle, Nick was… showing signs of improvement. Madison didn’t know how firmly she could use the word “improvement”, as she was still positive that her son was using, could still the see the signs of him being high or drunk or both, but it wasn’t as much and it wasn’t as bad.

She thought this boy (although he was hardly a boy, a grown man of twenty-three or twenty-four more accurately) had something to do with it. But something felt strange in the back of her mind. Was this guy really good for her son?

He was doing okay. He seemed happy, so that must mean he was good for him.

Madison wasn’t entirely sure how she felt about her son being in a relationship with a man--she had no issues with gay people themselves, but her son had already had such a difficult life, and with everything that happened with Gloria, Madison wasn’t sure if this was some sort of phase or rebound or the real deal.

Either way, it was what it was and she was certainly trying to accept it.

It was mid-day on a Sunday. Like normal, nobody was in the house. Alicia was out with Matt and Travis had actually managed somehow to get Chris to willingly spend the day with him. Nick was never home. Even now he was so rarely home that Madison knew she had the house to herself.

She was going through the bedrooms, picking up clothes to put in the wash. Her kids were certainly old enough to do their own laundry, but she was still their mother and didn’t mind doing things for them once in awhile.

After closing the door to Alicia’s room, she walked over to her son’s. Nick never liked it when she went into his room, but he didn’t like it when he did drugs, so she supposed they were even.

She pushed the door open and automatically froze. The sight of her shirtless son on top of his boyfriend not having at all been what she expected when she opened the door.

“Mom!” he yelled out and she snapped out of it, automatically closing the door and clenching her eyes shut, trying to will away the burned image of something that she had never, ever, wanted to witness.

Ten minutes later saw her sitting at the dining room table, the basket of laundry placed on a chair as she held her head in her hand, rubbing at the temples. How was she supposed to process this? Talk about this with her son? They’d had the talk when he was going through puberty, but… this had never been a part of that talk and wasn’t that part of her motherly duty?

Footsteps echoed down the stairs and then there was the sound of a door closing. A moment later she looked up and Nick was just leaning against the doorframe, looking down at his feet. She was pretty sure he looked how she felt; completely awkward and out of place.

His shirt was back on, a loose pair of sweats tugged on over his legs. She sighed as she eyed his hair, long and unkempt, like it normally was, but she couldn’t get the image of Troy’s fingers tangled in his hair out of her head now--

Nick picked at his fingernails, not looking up at her and she gently pushed back a chair, gesturing for him to sit. He paused or a second, glancing at her and the chair before pushing off the frame and walking to lower himself onto the chair, barely looking at her.

She didn’t really know where to start.

“So… we should talk--about what I just saw…”

Nick paused at playing with his fingers and then dropped his hands onto his laps. He looked smaller than he actually was in clothes that were much too big for him and he pulled those big brown eyes up to meet her’s and Madison remembered the first time she’d seen them and fallen in love with them.

“What’s to talk about?” He questioned, his words a little drawn out, a little slurred. He was always so high that his speech pattern had seemed to take on the permanent sound of a person high.

“Are you safe?” She asked and he cleared his throat, looking even more awkward and embarrassed then before.

“Jesus, mom--”

“Are you?” She pressed, her motherly instinct kicking in and overriding her own awkwardness.

“Yes,” he tossed up a hand, almost as if waving her question away. “Yes, we’re safe. We use condoms, and lubricant, there’s even a safe word--” she looked away as his eyes sparkled mischievously. He said this all in order to make her uncomfortable, and she knew that. But she wouldn’t let it phase her.

“There are risks and dangers involved in relationships like this, you just need to be aware and careful and prepared--”

“What, like pregnancy?” He joked and of course he wasn’t taking this seriously. Madison should’ve figured. “Mom, I’m nineteen.” He points out after a moment. “I can make my own choices.”

“That’s what worries me.” He fell silent at her words and she straightened her back a little, proud that she’d actually won this round. “Your choices have never been really the best ones. I just want to make sure that this one isn’t one of your mistakes.”

“Troy is a good person.” Nick said firmly and at once. He sucked in his lip as he said it and something about his words and the way he said them made Madison hesitate. “He’s good for me. He’s really good for me and to me--”

“I can tell.” She says softly and it was true. She couldn’t help the feeling he gave off, but she’d seen the way they interacted. Troy did seem to treat her son right and he was high a lot less than he used to be, so that was something to be thankful for.

Nick looked at her and then sat forward a little, hands gripping at the edge of his seat. “He--he’s actually from about… two hours south of San Diego. He grew up on a ranch. He’s a farm boy.” Nick shook his head, a small smile on his face and Madison looked at him closely, paying attention to what he was getting at. “It sounds… it sounds really nice there. I’ve never really thought about living on a farm or country living as being for me, but the things Troy tells me about it…”

“What are you saying?” She said slowly, thinking she knew but needing to make sure.

“I think I need to go check it out.” He whispers, his eyes wide and shining, but with fright as he thought about how his mother might react. “Being here--it’s so bad for me. There’s drugs everywhere and god--I love being high.”

Nick let out a shaky breath, looking happy at the mere thought of being high and it caused Madison to swallow tightly. It always hurt, when Nick talked about drugs as if they were the most precious thing to him; the sad thing was, they probably were.

“I love it so much and I don’t… I don’t want to stop.” He shook his head, a wide smile on his face before it broke and he frowned. His brows narrowed, creating a line between them in thought. “But I need to. I don’t… I don’t want what happened to Gloria to happen to me. I don’t want to die.”

The pain in her son’s voice was apparent and her heart ached for him, ached at for the what had become of her small child who had been so full of joy and life as a kid. She reached forward, grasping his hand tightly in hers.

“And you won’t--we can get you help. Good help. And I’m here for you, Nick. And Alicia is here for you--Travis. We’re all here for you.” His eyes flickered across her face and she continued to smile. Her son wanted help. She would get him help.

“Yeah…” he replied slowly with a small nod, trying to smile as well. “Yeah. Of course.”

Knowing her son wanted help and wanted to get better made her happier than she’d been in a long time. She loved her son, and she would do anything in her power to protect him.

[dragongirlafro]

Miscellaneous things I liked about Sun and Moon

-Kukui coming to your house and just letting himself in.

-Kukui asking the main character to find the kahuna without actually giving a short fill in on who he is, other than “he looks just like a kahuna”.

-the little wobble effect when you’re crossing the bridge to save Nebby.

-The main character asking Lillie if she’s a kahuna, either jokingly or because they genuinely have no idea what a kahuna is.

-Hau’s theme. I mean, I’m psyched for Hau in general, but I really loved his music.

-the cutscenes. No seriously. I like reading dialogue and interactions between characters. The cutscenes at the beginning of the game really set the right mood and tone for me imo.

-Trainer models behind their Pokémon during battles.

-finding Ledybas on route 1.

-Kukui yelling “Oh yeah, Rockruff! My body is ready!” from inside his lab, giving the impression of a hilarious double entendre.

-The Rotom pokédex’s witty personality.

-And the wide variety of Pokédex entries ranging from “really sweet” to “how did this get past ERSB’s ratings?”

-just the sentiment of going out into the islands with your starter and just one or two low level Pokemon.

-Pokémon Refresh!! I had no idea how much of an improvement Refresh was to Amie! Like you can just give a Pokemon two sparkly rainbow beans and they’ll love you forever!

-the ability to just go into a PC and grab your pokémon or move it around without any of that “withdraw or deposit” bullshit.

-that adorable scene where Rotom takes a picture of you, Hau, and Lillie.

-Rotom thirsting over “that dreamboat Ilima”.

-The Skull grunts at the berry farm. More specifically the one who had self-esteem issues.

-when the Skull grunts think you can’t tell them apart cause they’d switched positions so they swap places and are like “how’s that?”

-Totem Pokémon being three times larger than they normally would and scaring the crap outta you.

-The fuckin anime-ass pose your main character does whenever they get a Z-crystal

-in fact Z-moves in general. A lot of older fans seem to dislike them but honestly they were one of the only things that convinced me to buy the game.

-Ride Pokémon!!!!No HMs!!!!!!!

-Also being able to program any Ride Pokémon on the D-pad. That’s become like second nature to me.

-that cutscene when you’re on the boat from Melemele to Akala island.

-and that little exchange between Lillie, Hau, and Kukui when they reach the shore.

-The shopping music. Holy fuck do I even need to tell you how amazing the shopping music is in this Gen???

-meeting Dexio and Sina again. I didn’t really care for the whole Zygarde thing but just seeing those two again was really sweet.

-Paniola Ranch and its chill af vibes.

-Lana trying to find a “strapping young swimmer” when she’s supposed to be guiding you through her trial.

-and her trying to convince you that her trial site has a Kyogre in it.

-The frickin Water type Z-move dance. Oh my god that wavy hula dance is the cutest thing ever.

-The whole “Professor Kukui wtf are you doing” “Who is this ‘Professor Kukui’ you speak of I am the Masked Royale!!” exchange.

-and then he just blurts out “and now we have our foursome!” and all the characters ignore it and move on as if that’s a normal thing to say in everyday conversation

-Kiawe’s trial. Just… everything about Kiawe’s trial.

-But mostly Hiker David.

-“Press A to pound the ingredients.”

Honestly tho that was the only redeeming quality to Mallow’s trial Totem Lurantis can go fuck itself in USUM.

-Professor Burnet’s groovin’ dimensional research lab theme.

-when Olivia does the Rock type Z-move dance and the camera just zooms in on Lillie gawking over her.

-OH YEAH that Pyukumuku chucking thing where you can get 20 000 pokédollars a day. I hope they bring that back because that was a real good way of making cash.

-And those missions in Pokécentres where if you’ve caught a set amount of Pokémon or if you’ve caught a specific Pokémon they’ll pay you like 10 000 dollars or something.

-Meeting Wicke for the first time and her being incredibly sweet and nice.

-That small bit when Hau can’t believe that Lusamine’s more than 40 years old and she’s really flattered.

-battling Nihilego for the first time.

-That scene on the boat to Ula’Ula Island where Hau talks to you and offers you a Malasada. That really solidified his friendship with the main character for me.

-Speaking of which that part where you’re at Malie Garden and Hau asks “hey, did you know-“ and you can just say “yah i know” and he’s like “dude come on I haven’t even asked the question yet.”

-that little side quest where you have to find a woman’s eight Stuffuls on route 10 that’s like really sweet but also why does she have so many stuffus?

-The Skull grunts who fucking try to steal a bus stop sign.

-Molayne. I liked his relationship with Kukui and Sophocles.

-and I especially liked the part where he gave you Kukui’s mask and when you give it to him Kukui’s just like “oH uhhhhh I’ll um give it back to the Masked Royale when I uh see him”

-Blush Mountain. It has such a nice name. Blush Mountain.

-Acerola’s, um… Little brother and sister? Kids she’s babysitting? I wasn’t too clear on how they were related to her, but they were cute either way.

-the whole bit where rotom’s afraid to go into the haunted store because “spoopy scary ghosts” despite him literally also being a ghost.

-On the subject of those two kids, the event where Team Skull stole the girl’s Yungoos and she gives you a Rare Candy just to get it back fucking broke my heart like oooooohhhh sweetie you didn’t have to give me this I would have gotten your Yungoos back either way!!

-Plumeria!!She was so underrated!

-uncle Grimsley’s cointoss bit where you could pick heads or tails but if you picked neither then he’d just say that Skarmory swooped in and grabbed it in midair, even though that obviously never happened and he was just bullshitting you.

-Also just the mere fact that Grimsley refers to himself as “Uncle Grimsley”

-Nanu. Enough said.

-The fact that all the Team Skull grunts in Po town are gay. Every. Single. One of them. gay

-That scene where Nanu does the Dark type Z-move pose and the main character and Gladion just stare at him and there’s just an awkward pause until he goes “there you cleared your trial or whatever”.

-actually now that I think about it, Sun and Moon had a lot of subtle humour.

-when you were infiltrating Aether Paradise and a good amount of employees were set on stopping you but there was like that ten percent who were like “whoa shit’s gettin wild out here lmao do you want us to heal your ‘mons? We could even take you back if you wanted i ain’t about to lose my job over some space conspiracy fuck that noise”

-That one Skull grunt who was all like, “wanna see me get hit by a Hyper Beam?”

-When you Battle Guzma outside of Lusamine’s mansion.

-LUSAMINE’S BATTLE THEME. HOLY SHIT.

-“Doot doo doo, just a Kahuna, taking a stroll through the laguna.”

-when Hau compliments Lillie over her outfit makeover and Gladion immediately pulls the defensive brother card.

-Seafolk Village’s night music. Oh my lord I’ve never wanted to marry a video game meledy before it.

-Hapu!!! Another underrated character!

-That scene where Lillie and the main character are in the cave on Exeggcutor Island in the rain.that was super cute.

-Vast Poni Canyon! Love me that guitar and flute!

-Mina!!! I can’t wait for her trial in usum I love her so much!!!!!

-when you go to Ultra Space and Rotom is unconscious because you’re disconnected from your world.

-When Lillie gave that whole speech to Lusamine and her sole reaction was basically “¯\_(ツ)_/¯” that absolutely slayed me

-After all that shit in Ultra Space and catching Nebby goes down and then Nanu’s just chilin’ at the Altar and is like “oh, hey, you can challenge the league I guess, if you really felt like it.”

-Kahili!!!!!

-THE MOTHERFUCKING CHAMPION THEME!!!

-that corny-ass scene where Lillie was gonna say something to the main character after the festival and it was all set up like a love scene from the final act of a goddamn comedy romance film and then they get shouldered by the fireworks. My heart can’t handle that kind of sappy cuteness and I need more of it.

-Looker and Anabel. Those two were adorbs.

-oh. And Alolan Raichu. When I first saw that Pokémon revealed in the trailer last July I knew that I had to buy Sun and Moon. Alolan Raichu is what got me into Pokémon.

[phoenix1966sbottom]

                  Physical Abuse Part 2- The Jared Edition

Stories where Jared is physically abused in a relationship by a significant other, owner or family member (this may go hand in hand with mental and/or sexual abuse, too). Please heed the story’s warnings (there are deathfics in this lot) where it is posted as there is obviously disturbing content, blood, themes, etc. In some stories, the abuse is mentioned in passing; in others, it is the main focus. (abused!Sam can be found here)

Above Us Only Sky by Fatebegins on A03. Jared/Jensen. J2 AU. For seven years, Jensen has survived on his hatred for Jared Padalecki. For seven years, he’s systematically torn down their empire. Now, it’s time for his revenge. (warning: mpreg)

Hello There by compo67 on A03. Jared/Jensen. J2 AU. Rejection of a Soul Mate can end in death. Jared is a House boy ordered by a Guest. The Church controls everything–even the successful, Christian-themed show Supernatural–but that doesn’t mean some of its members don’t indulge. The star of Supernatural has a dark vice and everything to lose.

Garbage by compo67 on A03. Jared/Jensen. J2 AU. Jared is an abused 14-year-old omega in high school and Jensen is the alpha detective who can save him.

A Lavish Prison by bahama_breeze77 on LiveJournal. Jared/Josh Duhamel, Jared/Jensen. J2 AU.  Jared’s life is hell; he has one friend, a horrible boyfriend, and his future being decided for him. But that all starts to change when a gorgeous green eyed photographer moves into the next door apartment. 

Sincere Friends of Liberty by myarofki on A03. No romantic pairing. Jared is a 14-year-old convict forced into working undercover.  Can be read as pre-J2  

It Takes a lot of Water. Jared/Jensen. J2 AU. This is an AU where humans are split in two categories: powerful, dominant Masters and submissive, fertile breeders. Reads like a/b/o. (warning: mpreg)

We Were Here by justthismorning on LiveJournal. Jared/Jensen. J2 AU. Jared and Jensen are homeless and do what they have to to survive. Jared is mute.

Behind the Mask by magser on Mediafire. Jared/Jensen. J2 AU. Jared has been wrongfully committed by his mother. The author has deleted their fic journal, but it seems sharing the story is still allowed.

Fight for what’s Yours by freakn_out on AO3. Jared/Chris, Jared/Jensen. J2 AU.  Jensen has to deal with a lot of things: the fact that he's in love with Jared is one. But when Chris asks Jared out, everything changes. Tiny trembles were felt as I pressed him closer and it was clear he was fighting the rising tears. Those beautiful eyes peered up through lashes damp with moisture and his broken voice whispered, “Can I stay?” “Oh, Jay…” I murmured, tugging him along the couch until he was practically in my lap and sliding my arms firmly around his torso, giving him the support he needed.

Twisted Truths by freakn_out on Ao3. Jared/Jensen. J2 AU.   Jensen is a police officer who leads a case against Jared: He woke in a cold sweat, Jared’s pleading, pain-filled eyes boring holes into his as he begged Jensen to stop hurting him. He felt sick with guilt. Or at least he did until he reminded himself that Jared was just a con-artist- that he had tried to use Jensen.

This Too Shall Pass Away by fatebegins on Ao3. Jared/Alexander, Jared/Jensen. J2 AU. Jared Ackles leads a charmed life. He's married to Jensen Ackles, one of Texas’ wealthy elite and has a fairytale life, complete with an infant son.However, appearances are deceiving; Jensen doesn't know the truth about Jared’s past. What happens when someone from Jared's past wants to be part of his future? (warning: mpreg. Must be logged in to read)  

Retail Therapy series by all_the_damned_vampires on Ao3. Jared/Jensen. J2 AU.  Starting from a masquerade prompt and spinning out of control in both length and content, this trilogy tells the story of Jared, just your average joe, kidnapped by enamored sociopath Jensen.

The Truth that Sticks by all_the_damned_vampires on Ao3. Jared/JDM. AU.  "Betrayal is the only truth that sticks." --Arthur Miller

The Real World is not about Happy Endings by all_the_damned_vampires on Ao3. Jared/JDM.   Jessica Jones inspired AU. At his best friend's insistence, Jared sets out to become a superhero. On his first night out, he runs into Jeff. (must be logged in to read)

                           Many, many more below the cut!

Concrete Angel by freakn_out on Ao3. Jared/Jensen. J2 AU.  Jared grows up in a broken home. Lost and alone, hurt by those who should protect him, he makes his way through life. The arrival of the new gym coach, Mr Ackles, changes things quite drastically: “Clumsy, my ass,” I growl, making him jump. Instantly regretting the anger in my voice, I reach out, wincing when he shies away from my hand, but not stopping as I run a hand gently over his shoulder, “Jared… whatever… whatever’s happening… if you need to talk about… anything, just know that I’m here, okay?"

Blood Ties by wincest_whore on Livejournal. Jared/Jensen. J2 AU. Jared is abused by his family and Jensen is his protector.

Omega in Distress by dont_hate_me01 on AO3. Jared/Jensen. J2 AU.  Since omega Jared could remember, he was abused by his family and no one cared. That was until they moved to a new town and he started to go to the local bookstore and met Alpha Jensen. But then Jared commits a crime and he flees, now it’s up to Jensen find him in time or it might be too late.

Broken Pieces by dont_hate_me01 on AO3. Jared/Tom Welling,Jared/Jensen. J2 AU. Jared Padalecki was trapped in a emotional abusive relationship. Will the author Jensen Ackles, a total stranger, be able to save him?  

Nobody Hurts Our Boy by dont_hate_me01 on AO3. Jared/Kerr Smith, Jared/Jensen. J2 AU.  Jared is in an abusive relationship but hides it well, Jensen and the other supernatural cast are starting to realize something is wrong with Jared around set. Things come to a head at a supernatural convention with all the supernatural family there.

Redemption by JCRGirl on Ao3. Jared/Tim Olyphant, Jared/Jensen. J2 AU.  Running from an abuive relatonship, Jared and his twin sons arrive in the small town of Wowakan, CO. Picking up the pieces, a complication comes in the form of Jared's ex-boyfriend, Jensen. (warning: mpreg, WIP, possibly abandoned but it stops at a satisfying point)

In These Hills by Tipsy_Kitty on A03. Jared/Jensen. J2 AU. Jared is an abused boy and Jensen is his guardian dragon. (no penetrative sex)

The Convergence of the Twain by fairygrrl45 on LIvejournal. Jared/Jensen. J2 AU. Jensen doesn't really understand why this kid's so special, and Jared can't really explain what it is about Jensen that makes him want to be happy, but neither of them can walk away from this. Because Jared needs someone to see him, and Jensen needs someone to hear him, and who would've thought they'd find their whole in another half that's just as broken. Jensen is an anchor in Jared's storm, Jared is a light in Jensen's darkness, and neither of them wants to give up on what they've never thought they could have. It's a meeting that shakes the foundation to two worlds indelibly, this convergence of a twain.

Bring Me to Life by alienat on Ao3. Jared/Paul, Jared/Jensen. J2 AU.  Jared’s a shy young man, whose life has never been easy. His father hates him, his mother drinks her sorrows away and his husband Paul treats him like he is nothing more than a beautiful toy. When his husband has to go away on a business trip to Europe for two months, he sends Jared away to a ranch in the middle of nowhere to keep him under control. There, Jared meets people who show him what love, friendship and loyalty mean for the first time in his life. Can he escape his life and finally find some love and happiness for himself?

Absolution by cherry619 on Ao3. Jared/Tom, Jared/Jensen. J2 AU.  When hotshot lawyer Jensen Ackles is hired by wealthy businessman Tom Welling to oversee his bitter divorce from cheating ex Jared, Tom makes it clear he wants two things from Jensen: to keep his fortune and his kids, and Jensen is to use any methods to ensure that. But has Tom told the whole truth about their marriage and how will Jensen deal with finally meeting the infamous Jared, who just happens to be his personal wet dream on legs?  (warning: mpreg)

You’re the Light in my Stormy Seas by beckalooby on mediafire. Jared/OMC, Jared/Jensen. J2 AU. Jared is a young guy trying to come to terms with his abusive relationship and grow past the denial he's built up for so long, then a kind, gentle green eyed beauty suddenly turns his life upside down and makes him think about his relationship and what he could have.

A Lesson A Day (could kill you) by lycaness on LiveJournal. Jared/Michael Weatherly, Jared/Jensen. J2 AU.  Jared has an abusive past, and when his boss sends him to learn how to become a flair bartender, that past is brought back in a storm of pain when he falls in love with his teacher, Jensen. But Jensen has his own problems and soon their attraction causes nothing but trouble, especially when Jared tries to face his fears.

Inviting the Dawn to Break by paperstorm on Ao3. Jared/OMC, Jared/Jensen. J2 AU.  When Jensen first realized he was gay, he had some silly, fairy-tale notion of meeting an amazing guy and falling in love, but then he discovered how much fun sex is and that’s always been his endgame since. When he looks at Jared, he feels like he’s eighteen again; starry-eyed and hopeful and dreaming of creating a life with somebody. It should be frightening him down to his core, because all those things go completely against the way he’s lived his life for the past seven years. But then he remembers Jared’s smile, or the way he smells, or how big he is and how good Jensen imagines he’d feel pressed up against him, and then he doesn’t care about anything else anymore.

Dark Love by fatebegins on A03. Jared/Jensen. J2 AU. Jared went undercover in the Ackles organization and fell for the top boss, Jensen. When they finally came to arrest Jensen, Jared's just found out he was pregnant but of course he can't turn on his department. However, as it often goes with mobsters, Jensen is let free on a technicality. What happens when he catches up to a pregnant Jared who betrayed him? Must be logged into A03 to read. (warning: mpreg)

Gone Away Awhile by moviegeek03 on Livejournal. Jared/Jensen. J2 AU. Jensen has it all…great job, lots of money, the love of his life…and NO kids, just the way he wants it. Everything seems perfect, until one night following a big fight Jensen comes home to find Jared has left, turning his world upside down. Four years down the line, he might finally find the answers to all his questions…in the form of two little boys who look a lot like him and Jared… (warning: mpreg)

Mark Me Up With the Bruises of a New Day by sammysshampoo on Ao3. Jared/Jensen. J2 AU.  Jensen Ackles is a high school dropout whose only concern is taking care of his two young sisters after their parents unexpectedly passed away. Jared Padalecki is a teenager with a rebellious streak, brought up in the foster care system and unwilling to rely on anybody. When the two collide, neither know what to make of it, but as snow falls outside and Christmastime rolls around, they begin to figure it out.

Nothing But the Best by kerfuffling on A03. Jared/Jensen. J2 AU. Jared wants Jensen to get out of their crappy town and make something of himself. So he lies. (warning: mpreg)

Not Skin Deep, You’re in my Soul by golden-cyborg on A03. Jared/Jensen. Non-con between Jared and an OMC. Omega Jared is kidnapped from his Alpha Jensen and forced to mate with another alpha.

Jared Got a Gun by wolfinyourbed on Ao3. Jared/Jensen/JDM.  An arranged marriage. Desperate times. Desperate measures.

Debt Paid in Full series by Katlover98 on Ao3. Jared/Jensen. J2 AU.  Jared had no idea his father was even into drugs, much less in debt that he has no hope of repaying for them. Crimelord! Jensen is looking to collect, and since Jared somehow caught his eye, he kidnaps him and lets Jared's father know that his debt is settled.

Bitter Partings, Painful Truths by Katlover98 on Ao3. Jared/Mark P., Jared/Jensen. J2 AU.  Jensen finds out Jared cheated on him with his worst rival. They divorce but Jared asks for nothing in return. Jensen can't stop thinking as to why Jared cheated and soon those thoughts turn to revenge. But not everything is what it seems and soon Jensen finds himself finding truths he might wish never came to light.

Read the Fine Print by all_the_damned_vampires on Ao3. Jared/JDM, Jared/Jensen. J2 AU.  Jeff’s pretty new admin is a lot more competent that the usual. It’s too bad that Jeff isn’t interested in his typing.

Brand New Start series bygestaltrose on A03. Jared/Jensen. J2 AU. Foster kid Jared is sent to the Ackles, who have a working farm/ranch.

Cowboys and Babies series by Kashmir on A03. Jared/Jensen. J2 AU. Jared's ancient Taurus dies not in a blaze of glory but with a pathetic wheeze and a tiny shudder by the side of the road miles and miles away from any kind of civilization. He puts his head down on the steering wheel and inhales shakily, talking himself out of crying. He knows it's just the hormones but combined with everything that had gone down with Chad days earlier and not having anywhere to go but back to his momma and dad who were not happy about his decision to keep the baby, husband or no, it's just all too much to take.So when the car dies, Jared feels like curling up by the side of the road and joining it. (warning: mpreg)  

Gone Are the Days by NixBlaque on Ao3. Jared/Jensen. J2 AU.  Jensen didn’t know what he was expecting when the Ackles announced that he was going to be getting another foster brother, but it certainly wasn’t Jared – the ex-best friend whose heart he broke two and a half years ago. It soon becomes apparent that Jared has changed more than Jensen ever could have predicted, but the seventeen-year-old is determined to win his best friend back. (no penetrative sex)

Like a Bee on a Window by ashtraythief on Ao3. Jared/OMC, Jared/Jensen. J2 AU.  Omegas are kept by Alpha/Beta couples to keep house and bear children. Jared was raised in a liberal family with only his alpha father and an omega mother, who were equals in their relationship, but they died when Jared was sixteen. Jared is placed with an alpha/beta couple but when he gets pregnant it’s the last straw to help him gather the courage to escape from his abusive alpha. He escapes only to run straight into alpha Jensen’s arms.

Out of the Ashes by ancastar on mediafire. Jared/Jensen. J2 AU.  Imagine Jared as Cinderella and Jensen as Texas royalty. (no penetrative sex)

The Hunter and his Prey by cas_ desespere on Ao3. Jared/JDM, Jared/Jensen. J2 AU.  Jeff is Jared's abusive husband. When Jared escapes him, Jeff sends Jensen, a bounty hunter, after Jared. Only Jensen finds Jared a little too irresistible and without telling Jared of his contract with Jeff, starts a slow tentative relationship with him. Jeff comes after both of them.

Darkness Deep in You by aythia on Ao3. Jared/Jensen. J2 AU.  Just because Jared offered himself up doesn't mean he’ll go down without a fight. The problem is that Jensen likes it when they fight because it makes it that much more delicious when they break. (heed all the warnings!)

Do It For Me by maryjo24 on Ao3. Jared/OMC, Jared/Jensen. J2 AU.  Jared Padalecki is drawn reluctantly into the world of domination and submission, bondage and discipline, through his domineering boyfriend's manipulations. At a BDSM fetish party hosted by Jensen Ackles, highly respected Dom, Jared has his coming out and Jensen comes to realize that the tall sub, poorly handled by his Dom, is clueless and in way over his collared neck.

Should Be by exd_fic on LiveJournal. Jared/Jensen. J2 AU.  Jensen moves into a new apartment and is immediately smitten with the beautiful, shy guy who lives across the hall but the shy guy - Jared - has a boyfriend so Jensen has to content himself with looking and not touching, although he wants to touch, oh God, does he ever. He then finds out that Jared's boyfriend is abusive and things escalate until he overhears the boyfriend raping/attempting to rape Jared and knows he can't keep quiet anymore. Furious Jensen to the rescue!

The Knight Across the Street by my_sam_dean on LiveJournal. Jared/OMC, Jared/Jensen. J2 AU.  Jared has a terrible life. He's dying of cancer and trapped with his abusive husband. He can't leave because he has no one else to care for him. Jared is wealthy but his husband has control of Jared's finances. One day, when his husband goes too far, Jared has to go to hospital, where he meets Jensen, a cop. Jensen actually lives across the street and has loved Jared for as long as he can remember. He's determined to help get Jared out of the relationship, but he needs help. (no penetrative sex)

Liars and Deceivers by choccyproffit on Livejournal. Jared/Jensen. J2 AU. After leaving an abusive relationship, Jared falls for his boss. Someone doesn’t want to see him happy.

Only When I Breathe by saucyminx on Ao3. Jared/Jensen. J2 AU. Author Jared Padalecki is notoriously reclusive, hiding away from his fame in a cabin in the woods. Reporter Jensen Ackles is trying to salvage his career, it seemed like going undercover to get the inside scoop on the author would do just that. He never planned on feeling anything for the man but that was just the way life worked sometimes.

I’ll Watch Over You by kc246 on LiveJournal. J2 Non-AU-ish.  When Jared's parents come down for the weekend, Jensen finds out a disturbing family secret. (no penetrative sex)

Mismanaged by MacByrne on Livejournal. Jared/Jensen. J2 Non-AU. Set during season one of Supernatural, Jensen discovers that Jared’s manager has been whoring Jared out for parts. The boys are well-written, there’s angst galore and although it’s a rather small part, the way Chris Kane is portrayed here is the way I’d like to imagine he would be in real life with his friends and his enemies.

The Sinister Nature of Cul-de-Sacs by goddamnbatman on LiveJournal.  Jared/Jensen. J2 AU. Jensen Ackles thinks he’s moved into the house of his dreams. Trouble is, the yard next door is a nightmare, and rumor has it that its owner is even worse.

The Billionaire’s Reluctant Husband by House_of_Lantis on Ao3. Jared/Jensen. J2 AU. Billionaire Jensen is a playboy and he needs a husband pronto if he wants to keep his company and his inheritance. After a chance meeting with quiet and hardworking Jared, Jensen decides that he’s found the perfect candidate. (warning: there is one instance of switching near the very end)

Us Against the World by annie46fic on Ao3. Jared/Jensen. J2 AU.  At the age of 10, Jensen had a car accident that changed his life forever. Now at the age of 30 he is trying to branch out on his own for the first time. Jared is abused and mistreated by his widowed father. Friendless and alone, he meets Jensen when the older man moves into one of his father’s apartments. Can Jensen and Jared change their lives? Together they have a chance.

What You Don’t Know Will Still Hurt by aleshia10 on LiveJournal. Jared/Jensen. J2 AU. With Jared expecting their second child, Jensen thinks its great that Jared’s parents have finally come for a visit. He just doesn’t understand why Jared doesn’t agree. (warning: mpreg, no penentrative sex)

Falling Forwards in a Backwards Land by Lyri on A03. Jared Padalecki - better known to his fans as PJ Tristan - is the best top in the business. Everyone wants to work with him and Jared has made more than a few careers in his 10 years in the porn world and his fans love him. But there's one fan in particular who has taken his obsession with Jared to a whole new level. Wanting to escape his stalker and the New York lifestyle, Jared takes a job with Danneel, at JADA Studios in LA, the biggest porn studio on the West Coast. There, he meets Jensen, Danneel's partner in most senses of the word, and finds the one thing that's been missing in his life. But after tracking Jared down, the stalker isn't happy about Jared choosing to be with someone else, and ups his game. And not everyone makes it out in one piece. (Big warning: Jared tops for his movie career, but not in his personal life)

Breathe Again by fatebegins on Ao3. Jared/Jensen. J2 AU. Jared is an omega Were arranged to marry Alpha Jensen. With an abusive Alpha father and a need to protect his mother, Jared agrees to the marriage even though he hates all alphas and is hiding a very huge secret– Jared is the masked crusader who is spiriting away omegas from their arranged matches and causing political uproar. As his own marriage progresses, Jared comes to love his husband but continues his crusade but what will happen if Jensen finds out the truth? (warning: mpreg. must be logged in to read)

Life on Mars by herminekurotowa on AO3. Jared/Jensen. J2 AU. Jared would never have thought it was possible to find a soul mate in a state-owned brothel, but when he does, it will turn everyone’s world upside down. But it’s common knowledge that soul mates happen for a reason.

Say a Prayer and Close Your Eyes by annie46fic on Ao3. Jared/Jensen. J2 AU.  ER Doctor Jensen Ackles thinks he is having a quiet night – until he meets Jared – a young man who has obviously suffered abuse and pain. Can Jensen help him?

Saving Jared by Annie46fic on A03. Jared/OFC, Jared/Jensen. J2 AU.  Rich Business man Jared is a well-known face in the ER. Is he just clumsy, as his elegant wife claims, or is there something more to his story? Can he be honest and admit that he is a victim of domestic violence? Worse still, can Jared admit that the violence has been perpetrated by his wife? Jensen is the Counselor who helps Jared come to terms with what is happening to him, and soon their relationship becomes more than just professional. The two men fall in love, but what happens when Jared’s wife finds out? It will take more than just love to solve Jared’s problems, but is he brave enough to take the next step? (it’s been a while since I read this one, but I don’t believe there is any het onscreen)

So This Is How I’m Slipping Away by fairygrrl45 on Ao3. Jared/OMC, Jensen/Daneel, Jared/Jensen. J2 AU. Jensen knew in that moment, as all feeling left him...as sensation drained out of his fingertips, and left everything stiff and immovable except for his eyes, still tracing the distance for that familiar red shirt...He knew…he would never see him again.Jared was gone. He was gone forever.

Eat You Alive by thecapn on Ao3. Jared/Jensen. J2 AU.  Jensen is a werewolf. Jared is the boy who sits next to him in English class.

Someone Else’s Life by magser on mediafire. Jared/Jensen. J2 AU.  Jared Padalecki is a young man living hand to mouth, trying to save the only two friends he has in the world. Jensen Ackles is a man with a broken heart and dented pride, and enters Jared's life long enough to leave him with a drawing and a dream of what Jared could have had. When one of Jared's friends dies tragically, Jared is left with no choice but to run, and ends up living a life that isn't his, a life that he can never have. What happens when Jensen finds Jared living in the house meant for the fiance that broke his heart, and can they come to an arrangement that suits them both?

Remember You by aelia1980 on LiveJournal. Jared/Jensen. J2 AU.  After a tragic accident that claims his boyfriend’s life and ends his career as a surgeon, Jensen seeks oblivion in a cabin in the mountains. One winter night, his dog helps him find a young, neglected man who has been horribly mistreated and can’t remember anything. Taking care of him, Jensen slowly finds back to himself. Can he help the stranger to remember himself in return? And will the two men have a future when their feelings develop into something other than friendship?

These Violent Delights by dimpleforyourthoughts on Ao3. Jared/Jensen. J2 AU.  Jared Padalecki has only ever wanted to get out of Sin City. Trapped by extenuating circumstances, he works as a waiter in a Las Vegas strip joint, doing what he can to get by, including spending a romantic evening with a handsome stranger who wanders into the club one night. Hoping to see the stranger again, but not disappointed when he doesn’t, Jared moves on with his life. A month later, Jared interviews for a job as a financial consultant at one of the largest and newly made over Hotels on the Vegas strip. Jared gets the job, only to discover that his new boss is the same man he slept with: Jensen Ackles, the enigmatic and ice cold business man. Jensen Ackles, the city's biggest mob boss.

Mistakes series by fatebegins on Ao3. Jared/Jensen. J2 AU.  At sixteen Jared had to make the hardest decision of his life, he gave up his baby for adoption. Now years later Jared has the opportunity to be in his son's life-as a nanny. Desperate to have a connection with the child he always wanted, Jared takes the job but what he doesn't count on is falling for his son's gorgeous father, Jensen Ackles. (warning: mpreg. Must be logged in to read)

Midnight by Annie46fic on Ao3. Jared/Jensen. J2 AU.  After the death of his grandfather, Jensen Ackles never expected to inherit anything other than the families’ run-down farm. It comes as a surprise to find he has in fact inherited the Midnight Ranch - one of the largest, best-known horse ranches in Texas, which belonged not to his grandfather but to a man, he never knew – his mysterious great-grandfather, Captain Ross. Jensen fully intends to sell the ranch and start up his own business but when he meets handsome groom Jared (a man with secrets of his own) he finds his priorities start to change. Jared introduces Jensen to a love of horses and the land, and Jensen begins to weaken, wanting to find out more about his great-grandfather and the ranch that he has inherited. Can Jensen and Jared find the love and peace they have both been searching for in each other, or will circumstances drive them apart.

Legions Between Us by saucyminx on Ao3. Jared/Jensen. J2 AU.  Jared is possessed and Jensen is unhappy with the way he's being treated by the Priests. He knows - he's seen it before first hand...and he'll do anything he can to help Jared.

Building Trust series by morganaDW on Ao3. Jared/Justin, Jared/Jensen. J2 AU. Jensen's a physical therapist with his share of secrets when he meets his new client and immediately knows the story of how Jared injured his shoulder is a lie.Jared's a shy young man living with his long time boyfriend and also living under a shadow of fear because he believes everything Justin tells him...until he meets Jensen and begins to doubt.When a night of jealous rage turns violent it's Jensen that Jared turns to and who begins to help him build a trust that he's never fully had.  (It’s been a while since I’ve read this. As this author often has the boys talk about switching at the end of her tales, that may occur here.)

Never Again by millygal on Ao3. Jared/Chad, Jared/Jensen. J2 AU.  Jared's spent five years watching his life fall apart around him with no control over his role in it. Things have to change.

Sunday, Maybe Monday by AlexisJane on Ao3. Jared/Jensen. J2 AU. Jensen is a short order cook. He works, he sleeps – it’s enough. Then one day, Jensen notices Jared. (warning for bottom!Jared purists: he tops near the end and it is only one sentence)

Eternal Love by MorganaDW on A03. Jared/Jensen. J2 AU. Jensen's been alone & happy with it for a very long time. 199 years to be precise but then being a vampire has taught him about being alone until the night he needs a companion and meets someone who will change his world.Jared's been on the streets since he finally escaped a life of abuse at his stepmother's hands only to fall prey to a life nearly as bad. He's trapped in an existence where he sells his body for a man who's getting more & more demanding. A sudden pick-up one night for what was supposed to be a simple escort job for a lot of money turns into more than the 22 year old could've dreamed.Two very different men from two very different lives quickly learn they can teach other and give each other hope for more when things suddenly go dark as Jared's pimp decides he doesn't want to let go all that easily and soon Jensen must choose between two heartbreaking choices. (It’s been a while since I’ve read this. As this author often has the boys talk about switching at the end of her tales, that may occur here.)  

Boy by idofmarch on LiveJournal. Jared/Jensen. J2 AU. Jared is a new slave in Jensen's neighbor's home. Slaves have laws in place to protect them from abuse, but they are rarely enforced. Jensen is a member of one of the few families in the city who openly detest slavery. He's been in law enforcement for a few years and has made it his mission to ensure that the laws protecting slaves are enforced. Driving home from work during a blizzard, Jensen spots tiny slave Jared in the middle of the storm, hysterically begging his master to be let back into the home he was kicked out of. (warning: Extreme underage. Jared is 11) 

You may also find abusive relationships in the recs here, here, here, here and here since Jared/Sam is not willingly with his partner in many of them.

[thetfchangingroom]

PROLOGUE: The Guys Arrive at The Ranch

“Are we there yet?” Max felt like a five year old again. He knew letting Roy drive was a bad idea. This was the guy who got lost driving back to their apartment from campus on three separate occasions.

But Roy smiled with lose confidence. “Relax man, my parents would take me up here every spring break. I know where it’s at.”

“Really?” said Rich from the back seat, “sure you don’t want me to map it?” He was on his phone, as per usual. Probably texting his girlfriend, Max thought. He wasn’t going to be the first to admit that he had a crush on Rich. From the moment he walked into his dorm room freshman year, a duffle bag thrown around his shoulder and a single pillow stuffed under his arm, Max felt something special towards Rich, casually attractive, impossibly kind and unbearably straight.

There was a crunching sound that drew everyone’s attention to the back. “Enjoying yourself there Lloyd?” asked Roy. Lloyd, overweight and snarkier than all three of them combined, merely scoffed.

“We’re lost,” he said.

“C’mon,” Roy tried to defend himself. He was insufferable at times, but he was always there for support. He was the “glue” so to speak, that kept the four of them together through four tumultuous years of college. He was the one who had the idea to spend their last spring break at his parent’s old getaway out in the country.

And now, he had gotten them lost.

“We should pull over,” Max suggested, “ask for directions.” He fancied himself a pragmatist. He’d always stood out from the three boys in that he didn’t stand out. He wasn’t optimistic like Roy, large like Lloyd, or attractive like Rich. He was something of an equalizer, a point of balance. When no one could agree on anything, they usually came to Max.

Lloyd raised his hand. “I second that idea.” Max caught a glimpse of Rich’s hand flying up, but he said nothing. What could be so important? he thought to himself. This was their final trip together. Hell, it might even be the last time they would be in the same room together for years. And Rich was just going to spend it talking to his girlfriend?

Roy scoffed. “Pull over where? We’re in the middle of nowhere!” Max hated to admit it, but Roy was right. They’d hid the countryside some three hours ago, and had passed a grand total of four gas stations since. Right now, the planes around them were empty.

Then, as if it were a mirage, a flash appeared on the horizon. Max leaned in closer to see that the flashing was coming from a big metal windmill about a mile down the road. As the car got closer, he could make out the rusty red side of a barn, the long brown stretch of a fence, and a small house.

“How about there?”

Lloyd laughed. “There? Uh-uh man, no way. I’ve seen enough horror movies to know how that turns out.”

“C’mon,” Max protested, “you wouldn’t even have to get out of the car. Roy and I would just step out and ask if we’re on the right road, right?” Roy didn’t respond, but he didn’t disagree either. At this point, it would be stupid not to get some help, and even Roy knew that.

Besides, something was drawing Max to the farm. What was this mysterious Ranch out in the middle of the countryside? Who owned it? How did they not see it earlier?

The car peeled off the main road at a small clump of trees. On they continued for what felt like a much longer distance than how it looked off of the highway. It was as if they were traveling into a different world. And when they emerged from the trees, they were met with a dazzling sight.

It was the kind of ranch you saw in postcards. Mystifyingly perfect, everything baked in gold sunlight, the green of the trees popping against the bright yellow bails of hay and the brown backs of the horses and cows peacefully eating and trotting along the wood fences.

Roy stopped the car. Any apprehension he had felt driving up seemed to have vanished, as did Max. Even Lloyd looked stunned in the back seat. Max turned around at Rich, sure enough, he was looking too.

“What is this place?” Rich asked.

“No idea,” Roy unfastened his seatbelt, “do you think anyone lives here?”

“I guess we’ll have to find out,” Max said, his hand was already on the handle. He needed to get out of that car.

The boys made their way across the yard, admiring the sun and the surroundings as each of them seemed to notice something different. Lloyd, for one, kept looking at the horses. His mom had done horseback riding when he was younger, and he’d forgotten their pure, majestic grace. These horses in particular seemed very well behaved, and Lloyd had half a mind to get up and start riding one of them (though his weight probably wouldn’t have permitted it).

Roy, on the other hand, was conscious of his clothes. He’d always worn shorts and sandals. They were universally comfortable for him, even in cold weather. But now, standing amongst the dirt and the grass, he longed for some long, boot cut jeans, boots maybe, and a different shirt. Maybe then, he’d feel truly at peace.

Rich was looking towards the barn. A question tugged eagerly at his mind: what could be in there? The doors seemed to be shut, all the horses seemed to be out (and as he saw, had their own stable a few dozen yards East). Was it for storing farm equipment? Something else? His curiosity was so great, he pondered wandering over and checking it out as Max asked for directions.

And Max. Max was focusing on Rich, as always. Sweat had started to coat his thick, tan skin, and he sauntered attractively with the weight of his frat boy muscles. His longing towards his roommate had never been this great, and for a moment, he was scared that he might pop a boner right then and there.

But then, a sound. A creak of a door, and all the boys froze dead in their tracks.

“Can I help y’all with somethin’?” The voice, deep and grizzly, came from the patio over by the house. Max turned up to see a large, hairy, muscular man with a cowboy hat and a plaid shirt with the sleeves cut off and buttons that didn’t continue past his mid section, leaving his big hairy cleavage exposed to the sun and the air.

Max was at a complete loss for words. He never had a thing for older guys. Never, that was, until right then, staring up at the old cowboy, one hand his his jean pocket and another rubbing his thick black stubble.

Fortunately, Roy jumped in to help. “We were… sorry we didn’t realize… we were lost and…”

“Lost?” the man laughed, “how the hell you get lost? Your phones got maps on them nowadays don’t they?”

“That’s what I said,” Rich mumbled. He and the cowboy shared a laugh. Roy’s face turned cherry red.

“I’m just kiddin’ you. Where y’all headed?”

Roy cleared his throat. “My mom and dad’s cabin. It’s up in Macon County.”

“Macon County?” the man’s look of shock didn’t give them much consolation. “Why that’s still seventy miles East of here!” The group made a collective groan, and Roy looked like he was about to burst.

“Well,” he said, “we should probably get going then.” He said it with an aura of reluctance. None of them particularly wanted to leave, and they they couldn’t explain why.

“Well hold on just a second there,” he said. He walked down the steps from the porch and onto the dry ground. Max could see he was wearing leather cowboy boots. It only made him more hot. “Why don’t y’all come inside for a drink? I’ve got a map there y’all can look at.”

It was the opportunity they all desired. For a second, even Rich forgot about the internet on his phone. All that mattered was that now they had an excuse to stay, to explore. Even if just for a few minutes.

Inside, the man’s house was abnormally, clean. Everything from the end tables to the cattle harding books on the shelves seems perfectly placed, as if he had been expecting company.

“We never got your name,” Max said, staring at a painted picture of a field on the wall. The suction sound of a fridge opening drew his attention to the kitchen, where the man was getting beers for all the boys.

“Name’s Beck. I’ve been living on this ranch since I was about your age.”

“What do you… do, here?” Lloyd asked awkwardly. It should have seemed obvious, and yet the purpose of the ranch still ominously evaded their imaginations.

Beck laughed. “Lets just say I deal in ‘meat.’” It was a cryptic but satisfying answer, and it was enough to get the four guys to sit down around the dinning room table as Beck popped open the bottle caps with his base hands.

“Those twist offs?” Rich asked.

He shook his head. “Nah, it’s an old trick my partner taught me.”

“Partner?”

“Yeah, Thom. He’s down in town picking up some food for the weekend. Should be back in a couple of hours.”

“Are you guys…?”

Roy shoved Lloyd, who threw up his hands defensively. “What? It’s just a question.”

“It’s no biggie,” Beck said with a laugh. “And yes, we’ve been together for ten years.”

“That’s awesome!” Lloyd said, “I mean, it’s not a problem. I’m not… gay I mean, but it’s not like I don’t approve…” another shove, this time by Max.

Beck didn’t laugh. He only smiled and motioned to the drinks. “Drink up! You boys look mighty thirsty.” As a matter of fact they were, as if in unison, the four guys downed their beers. The golden liquid inside was so sweet, so purely enjoyable, that they didn’t dare remove the bottle from their lips until it was dried of its last drop.

They slammed them down. “Whew!” Roy said, “I needed that!”

“Me too,” Rich said. A positive energy seemed to circulate throughout the room. Suddenly, it was as if none of them remembered why they were there, about the car, about the map, about the real house waiting for them seventy miles away…

But Beck was already taking out five more. “Why don’t you boys tell me a little about yourselves? Where ya from? What do ya do?”

And so, they did. Rich talked about his girlfriend, about his fear of commitment after graduating. Lloyd talked about growing up on a farm of his own, with his mom’s horses. Roy mostly bragged, but talked some about his family, and about his dream of going into clothing design. Finally, they got to Max.

“What about you?” Beck asked, his deep brown eyes staring straight into the young man’s soul, “what is it that you want?” Max gulped. He looked at Rich, only for a second, but it was enough for Beck to register. “Welp, looks like we cleaned out the fridge.” Sure enough, the table was covered in empty beer bottles. Not only that, but the golden sun that had previously shown through the kitchen window had vanished. How long had they been sitting there?

Max tried to get up. He almost collapsed. He must have been drunk, and yet the weird feeling of numbness that overtook his body didn’t feel like drunkenness. He began to fear that something else was in those beers.

“We… we need to… go.” Roy said, motioning back to the car outside, though he was so dazed, he pointed in the opposite direction.

Beck shook his head. “Like hell y’are. No body’s driving under these conditions, it ain’t safe.”

“What… are we gonna…” Rich almost toppled out of his chair. Beck caught him.

“Thom and I got a spare room in the back. Y’all can sleep in there.”

As they made their way down Beck’s hall way and into the back room, Max felt a strange feeling of uneasiness. Not at the fact they were all just about to sleep in a stranger’s house in the middle of nowhere, nothing about Beck seemed to suggest that his intentions were malicious. Rather, he was concerned about the numbness. He had never drunk that many beers in one sitting, and he knew himself well enough to know that if he did, he’d be throwing up all over the place.

Instead, Max felt oddly calm, placid even. And as he collapsed onto the bed along side Rich and Roy (Lloyd couldn’t make it past the living room couch), he started to feel actual worry.

But then he looked at Rich, his eyes fluttering shut, for once not glued to the screen of his phone. He reached out a hand and patted Max’s back with a smile before falling fast asleep, and Max felt immense warmth pass through his veins as the young man’s arm rested lazily, almost romantically on his back.

Whatever was going to happen, they were in for one hell of a weekend.

T O  B E  C O N T I N U E D . . .

[lilliankeil]

an open home

It’s been two years now since I first laid eyes on our house at NE 85th St. We’d been hunting for a Seattle rental for nearly 9 months, fruitlessly searching for a space large enough and landlord crazy enough to support our 7 person household. One Saturday morning in late May, we found both those things in a split-level ranch owned by a misogynistic Greek man who thought paperwork was “a man’s business” and made the women wait outside with kids while our husbands signed the lease. 

The previous tenants stayed to meet us. They were church planters with whom we had so much in common that replacing them felt ordained. Inheriting all the goodwill they’d sown into the community, we embarked on our adventure in cohousing. 

At the time I promised a blog post about what it’s like to live with another family. I never wrote it because it felt like there wasn’t enough to say. Of course there were some hiccups, but for the most part the sharing of domestic duties was worked out with grace and good cheer. After living alone as a nuclear family, our first few weeks in the house felt like a party. Adult conversations every night! Free live-in childcare! We made the most of our humble but functional house, arranging and rearranging, hosting a hundred community dinners, learning the names of all the neighborhood kids who came to jump on the trampoline. Somewhere along the way, Clementine went from round little baby to a lively playmate for our boys. We were too loud and they were too messy, but all of us were grateful.

Reactions to our living arrangement ranged from envy to confusion. When Jason and Caleb took the kids around to meet the neighbors, everyone thought they were a gay couple with three kids. Out with housemates, I got used to saying, “We’re married, but not to each other.”

Just before Vera was born, over a childless thali dinner at Poppy, they broke the news: Deanna was pregnant! The baby girl inside her was the child we’d all prayed for, and we were all excited to meet her. But as they prepared to welcome Marigold, our big ‘ole house started to feel not-so-big. The babies were coming, and we had nowhere to put them.

We’d have made it work, of course, but in the end we didn’t have to. Remember the church planters who’d entrusted the house to us? They’d bought a place nearby and were planning to sell it before relocating to Portland. They offered us first refusal at a price we could not refuse. At the time we were in Nashville visiting family, so we did a brief video tour of the house and signed the purchase and sale agreement sight unseen.

If living together had been surprisingly easy, buying together was surprisingly hard. There were tense conversations about the division of equity and shed storage space. I cried when I saw the size of the bathroom. My phone buzzed with endless group texts about the pros and the cons and the paint color options. An un-permited remodel nearly thwarted the whole deal, but the appraisal came through and by the time Marigold was born, the house was officially ours. The weekend we moved there wasn’t a single moving truck available within 100 miles, but the grandmothers came to watch the kids, and our whole church turned up to help box and haul and clean. We were moved. Open home, indeed. 

Both families are in real estate, so this is the 13th house we’ve invested in between us. Number 13 is lucky or maybe unlucky, but who needs luck when you’ve got turquoise ceilings and a 1 mile walk to the beach? We’re settling in at a snail’s pace and pictures will come eventually, but for now here’s a photo recap of our last couple months in the old house... 

[djrelentless]

“Martin Luther King, The N-word and 2012″

January 13, 2012 at 11:57am

It's so hard to believe how quickly the years are going by. Just three years ago, I was debating whether or not to make my annual Martin Luther King Day CD. New York City seemed to be changing drastically and the kids who were coming out to Escuelita were not interested in my traditional musical celebration of Rev. King.

Last year this time, I posted a blog about my appreciation for the achievements of President Obama. That blog garnered me some un-welcomed comments where a well known drag queen high-jacked my blog to promote her agenda of bad-mouthing Obama. She went on and on about all the things he did wrong or didn't do. It was almost as though she was telling me that I had no right to be proud of our first African-American President.

And now that I am spending most of my time in Canada where they do not celebrate"Martin Luther King Day", I really had to take a moment to think about what the holiday means to me.

A long time ago, I looked up the word "nigger" in the Webster Dictionary. It defined the word as "a stupid person" and "a racial slur for Africans". As I look around in this New Year, it disturbs me that this word is part of the daily lexicon in our youth's culture. Thanks to Hip Hop artists keeping it real, everyone feels like it is okay to just drop the N-word whenever they feel like it.

Last year, a popular gay burlesque troop in Toronto had a major show where one of it's black performers was being honored and a white dancer paid tribute by performing inblack-face. A female impersonator from Toronto actually had professional photos of himself in black-face posted on his facebook page. And in the news, there were some firemen who dressed in black-face for Halloween.

And let us not forget the popularity of another black-faced performer....Shirley Q. Liquor. I must admit when I first heard her material I laughed. She is a brilliant comedian and if I had never seen her, I'd probably still be a fan.

A long time friend released an old skool bitch track where he says "nigger please" twice in the recording and on his YouTube video. After closer inspection of some of his videos on YouTube, I noticed that the N-word was dropped very casually in several. I mentioned it to him, but he said that it wasn't racial it was just how the kids talk.

Almost every trip I take to New York City, I cringe at how many latinos are dropping the N-word like it's going out of style. But if someone said "wetback" or "spick" they'd be ready to fight in a minute.

Well in my opinion, all of these folks using the N-word (or any racial slur) are the first definition of the word!

I dated an individual who was from St. Louis and he was what some might call a "wigger". He had all the slang and had no qualms about dropping the N-word. At the time, he really wanted to go out with me, but I told him that I couldn't. Mainly because of his unfortunate use of the N-word. He saw nothing wrong with it. He tried to tell me that the young people of today have taken that word back and it has lost its power.

NO IT HASN'T! The older people who run congress and the finances in the United States have not forgotten what it means. The Republicans who are running for the oval office have not forgotten what it means. The people who hire and fire employees have not forgotten what it means. It's just your stupid asses who are running around disrespecting the African-Americans who gave their lives for you to be able to walk and talk freely. And this is what you do with your freedom? Sitting on subways talking loud and cursing while calling each other "nigger". That is the true meaning of "a stupid person".

Because I was raised by my grandmother, I grew up with a different sensibility about race. I know what it is to have a bottle thrown at you from a passing car as someone yelled"nigger". I watched my grandmother get spit on in a grocery store by a white woman who called her "nigger" because she wanted to skip her in the check out line. I grew up watching my grandmother despise "All In The Family" because the Archie Bunker character was just a little too real for her. So, don't tell me that the word has lost its power.

Just like slavery was abolish, so should the word "nigger".

Back in the 70's, my mother had a an album by The Last Poets. On it was a track called"Niggers Are Scared Of Revolution". I used to listen to it even though I didn't fully understand the meaning behind it. It wasn't until much later in the 80's that I really got what they were saying. The stupid people were afraid of change. And in a way when I hear a young black kid say "nigger" I believe that his family and education has taught him to hold on to that word. There is a safety in that word. You know where you stand with that word. I have never accepted that word and never will!

I don't believe that Martin Luther King or Malcolm X died for black people to accept being called that word. No matter who is saying it. You as black people are giving everyone the right to call you that word when you callously just drop "nigger" in a sentence.

I remember watching Jay Z on Oprah and she had an issue with the word in his music. He explained that rappers are telling stories that the police don't want you to hear. BULLSHIT!You stupid people are letting the music industry exploit you. They give you a lot of money to get on a mic and be as black as you can be. Meanwhile, back at the ranch....some midwestern teenager thinks its cool to sound and act black. But deep down inside, they would never want to be black. They know the repercussions and deep down inside, so do you. You have been conditioned to let that word live. Let it be an anthem for black youth. Well, I say it sucks!

As a drag performer, I occasionally lip synch to Millie Jackson. Most of her material uses the N-word. So, I always give a disclaimer about the N-word (especially if it is a predominantly white audience). I tell them that it is not cool to use that word. I advise against it. Why do I do that? I do it because I feel a responsibility to those who came before me. All of the people who fought for equal rights. All the people who died in the struggle. And I know the word isn't gonna go away. But I would hope that as this Martin Luther King Dayarrives everyone will take a moment to really think about what the word "nigger" is still doing to our lives and culture.