#they were so genuine and well-meaning and SANE

[cecenyss]

Some of you didn’t have Cristine and Ben’s sociological discussions on the state of the world to fundamentally shape your worldview growing up and it shows

[eraserbread]

it's just one of those things... your husband, nanami, likes you close.

but, your husband is actually a very sane individual and decides its best not to keep you leashed down. however, it didn't make it easier when you brought up the idea of visiting your family during the spring.

nanami loves your family, but he loves them in his way. he loves them from far, far away—perhaps not even a phone call away, just a yearly birthday card kind of closeness. It's not an energy he wishes to be around.

but, he wants whatever makes you happy, so he lets you go for a week.

a grueling, seven-day week. one filled with work, overtime, stress and anger, all to an empty house to crawl back to. it's okay -- its all he can tell himself as he tucks into bed lonely as hell.

he wills himself to sleep, begging his mind to leave you alone. let you have your space without his voice in your ear. he thinks you want this -- this... disgusting silence.

little did he know, you were five cities away waiting by the phone.

just waiting. hoping at least a good night text would fall your way. you know he's up thinking about you. he has to be.

so, when you get home a week later. you're pissed and touch starved and nanami starved. you had a mind to let him have it, to spew everything you've been pining over while he's been too busy to text or call.

it also doesn't help that you got home four hours before him, having time to cool down and shower off. a part of you wants to call him -- perhaps he's getting drinks or dinner with a friend, but if he didn't contact you for a week, you'd be sure not to contact him. its the only way you know how to teach him.

he arrives home when you're wrapped in your pajamas, glass of wine in your hand, and waiting for this exact moment.

"welcome home, my beautiful wife."

he begins, and it brings a small smile to your face. it's already seeming like he's redeeming himself. "you know I love you."

"really? i don't know... just thought i'd see it more when we're apart," you mumble, chewing on your lip over the rim of your glass. you can't see nanami's expression, but you can feel the quirk in his brow - the tightness in the corner of his lips.

"well, don't be vague. you're mad at me." he knows, yet he's still so calm. you refuse to glance back at him, even when he's taking off his shoes and pulling off his tie. it's something you'd usually help him with. this time, you help yourself to your wine.

"look, a week apart did us both a world of good, I promise you."

"yeah? would your hand agree with you, there?"

he laughs. "not everything's about sex, dear. I'm capable of holding out for a week." another wordless sip of your wine, and he's approaching you. "but, just because I can, doesn't mean I want to go into day eight without it."

it takes every fiber of your soul to say, "'m sorry, nanami. i'm just not in the mood tonight."

if you didn't know him so well, you wouldn't have caught the slight twitch in his brow at the news. however, he takes it well with a small smile on his face. "of course. i'll be in my office."

you sip your wine, cursing him internally for his politeness. he could have anything he wanted from you if he just said it. but, he never will. if its your will to go to bed without giving yourself to him, then so be it. he won't beg at your feet like a child.

but... what if you wanted him to?

you're not keeping track of time anymore, but you feel renewed with a headful of wine and time spent with nothing but thoughts of him. it's genuinely unnerving to you just how in love you are. nanami is so gentle, strong, beautiful and polite. it fucking makes your head spin.

then, you feel like a monster..

the feeling wills one foot in front of the other, all the way to his office door. it's not closed, just cracked. golden desk lamp lighting spills out into the hall in rectangular designs. you find yourself fixating on it in your drunkenness.

the door squeaks as you push it open, and you peek inside to see where he was amongst the organized chaos of books and work papers.

"ken?"

surprisingly, he's not staring right back at you. he's face down over his desk, resting so that you can't see his face—only the back of his head and all his disheveled blonde hair.

when you approach, he stays completely still. worry begins brewing in your chest.

"you know you can come to bed..." you whisper, leaning against the side of his desk. his pretty eyes flutter open at the softness of your voice and touch, quirking a smile.

"didn't think i could lay next to you and keep my hands to myself." he sits up into your hand, shivering as you massage over his scalp. he's like a little orange kitten, nudging your hand with sleepy eyes.

"don't you dare go ghost on me for a week ever again. do you know how obsessed I am with you?"

"i can guess." he chuckles softly, swallowing something down as he looks up at you. "I'm so sorry. just figured you would want your time to yourself."

"that doesn't mean you can't text me."

"then, i'm throwing my hands up and taking my wrongs." there he goes again, not even so much as debating his reasoning; he just wants you. if being the bad guy means he can lay down his gorgeous, tipsy wife, he'll be the worst person in the world.

there's newfound speed behind his actions as he spins his chair around, reaching out to grab you by the hips. it's so fluid and familiar, but it gets your pulse racing, the beat between your thighs mimicking the rhythm of his heart. he's so close to everything -- to you, to all of it.

he kisses your tummy where the hem of your shirt kisses the waistband of your shorts. he's breathing you in, memorizing the sound of you, it seems. your hands find the back of his neck, thumbing circles into the fuzz, there. it's a moment he'd never speak about again, but the ones you cherish the most. he just holds you. like, it's been over five minutes now...

"i'm sorry. i love you so much."

he nods into your stomach, kissing the ticklish sliver of bare skin there. you're dewy with the after-breath of him, but you love the warmth. you want him back when he pulls away.

"i love you." he nods, giving you those eyes when he looks up at you. your heart fucking pummels and rushes through your body, nearly bringing tears to your eyes -- he's so beautiful. "and I love this fabric on you."

"please. please take it off, kento. i love you so fucking... so fucking much." you're breathless already, and all he's done is kiss you. it's a little embarrassing, but neither of you care. tomorrow morning when he kisses you awake, you'll shrug off your demeanor on the alcohol but you weren't that drunk. you just missed him.

"take it off, please. take it off..."

"huh?"

"please, don't fucking tease me i'm so horny right now. nanami kento, i love you so much, please."

"wow, girl." he trails his lips to your waistband, taking it between his teeth shortly. "are you begging for it?"

"fuck my pride, i don't have it with you anymore." you gasp, tightening your fist in his hair to lead him just... down. of course, he's too fucking strong. he doesn't budge. "kentooo-"

he stares up with wide eyes for just a second longer before giving in. he mumbles, "all right, all right." just before yanking your shorts and taking you apart. he drives his chair forward as he slides open your cunt on two fingers, showing you his tongue and diving in. he's done this hundreds of times, but you'll never be used to the feeling.

he knows every inch of your body - how you vibrate when he flicks your clit that one way or dips his tongue the other. he has your orgasm down to a science, but he still takes his time massaging around your labia, kissing the crook between your thighs.

you were already so close, you cuss. "fuck - what ar- what are you doing?!"

"if you would just have some patience," he responds vaguely, holding your thigh and kissing across the inside. with rushing breaths, you try to calm down, swallowing as you watch him. "you were about to finish, I could tell."

"so, you stopped?"

"i know you've been drinking... so you won't last past this round." of course, only he would know that and actually apply logic to it. it hits you dumbfounded. "I'm selfish. just wanted you to cum when I'm inside a'you."

there's absolutely nothing you can say to translate your thoughts, all you can do is breathe out a shaky moan. you were so fucked off of his tongue, right now.

"desk? bedroom? hm?"

or

you want me to fuck you on my desk or in our bed?

bed sounds better, that way you can pass out immediately afterwards. your mind swims thinking about being back in his arms tonight.

it seems you said that out loud, because he gives you a small smile, then carries you all the way to your bedroom.

he fucks you slow and deep tonight, letting you rest on your back as he held your legs over his waist. you're mewling in reaction, biting down on the inside of your wrist to keep the embarrassment at bay. nanami's being so devious, fucking you like this. he knows it'd take you longer to cum, but he wants that.

he wanted to savor this. you. all of it. all he can do as he stares down at you is admire. he loves the way your breasts rise and fall with each shaky breath. he loves the way your neck dips every time he hits that spot or touches you there.

inside of your warmth is home for him. he just loves you so fucking much that you're the only thing on his mind when he cums alongside you.

he even thinks his left eye drops a tear when he collapses in bed with you. though, he'd never, ever admit it.

then, he kisses the top of your head as you drift away into spinning dreams and whispers:

"god, what did i ever do before you?"

[last-words-ofashootingstar]

Losing Dogs

❥Park Seonghwa x fem reader

➯a/n: originally titled "Baby", this is a rewritten version of yandere caregiver seonghwa (my beloved fucking psycho)

Baby Series!

✃... "You are; and always will be — His Baby." ... ✃

♫"You're my baby, say it to me." Mitski, I Bet on Losing Dogs

✫彡wordcount: 6k (a whole 2k more than the original 😟)

♡'･ᴗ･'♡genre: yandere, HEAVY angst i would go as far as to say whumpage

ಠ_ಠwarning/content: stockholm syndrome, mind breaking, extreme spanking, mentions of bribery, mommy hwa (i still cannot help myself two years later), hwa is NOT SANE, everyone is morally grey, age regressor reader(is actually an adult), baby and jongho bff agenda 🐻, mingi needs a hug good gawd DAYUM i be putting him through the ringer, trauma bonding, non-sexual nudity, screaming, baby and ming DEFINITELY have ptsd and san probably does too, this is a toxic ass household ngl

is hwa genuinely sorry or is he manipulating baby? flip a coin and find out

✩index: little space - a regressed state of mind where one feels like a child. little / age regressor - a person who has a little space. hyung - an older male friend or sibling, used by other males.

➯disclaimer: this is a work of fiction and does NOT represent a healthy little and caregiver relationship, or a healthy relationship of any kind.

MATURE UNDER CUT MDNI

❝you're my baby, say it to me❞ ✧ ೃ༄ ｡

    "I'm home!" Seonghwa calls out as he enters the apartment, looking around as he takes off his shoes, "sorry I'm late!" Usually by now, you'd be running to greet him. Mingi or San would have yelled back to say hello. 

    "Hello? Baby?" He peeks his head into the kitchen, where dinner is untouched on the stove.

    "San?" He shuffles to the living room; the news channel on mute.

    "Mingi-ya?" Maybe you were in another one of the apartments. You have been spending a lot of time with Jongho.

    Your voice makes his heart drop. "No!" From his room at the end of the hall, you shout it with a bone rattling rage.

  

      He's already running down the hallway when he hears a thud and a yell of pain from his younger friend.

   "Baby?! Baby!" He grabs the doorway as he slides to a stop, taking in the scene in front of him with wide eyes.

     "Hey, please calm down," San whispers, to which you shake your head from where it's hidden in your knees while you press yourself into the wall by the bed. One of your bottles is on the floor at Mingi's feet, and he's holding his arm with a pout. "Hwa is going to be back soon, please, please, don't-"

    "Baby?"

   All three of your eyes snap towards him, and you cower further into the wall; fear evident in your eyes. He doesn't like that one bit.

"Hyung!" Mingi steps in front of his view, as if to shield you.

    "C'mon, peanut, please," San whispers as he leans over the bed to pull you away from the corner, only to be kicked at again.

   "Did she throw that at you?" Seonghwa asks as he connects the bottle on the floor to the reddening skin on Mingi's arms.

    "Well... yes, but, Hyung-"

"Baby, why would you do that?" He picks up the bottle and slowly sits on the edge of the bed, reaching for you.

     You only respond by kicking at his hand with your Hello Kitty socked feet, sniffling and breathing deeply. You refuse to let him get close.

    So he turns his attention back to his roomates; both looking an equal mix of scared and sad, guilty even. "What happened? Is she hurt?" He wants to wring them by their necks, really. He wants to scream for answers. How dare they make his precious angel cry? But you hate when he raises his voice, so he takes a deep breath. "Mingi?"

     The youngest man looks down, sniffing back his own tears.

   "San?"

   "Hyung... We- honestly, we didn't mean to upset her! It was an honest mistake-" He's stumbling over his words, trying to think of a way to put this that will have neither you or them in trouble. He truly feels for you, so does Mingi.

    But it's been months. It's been six and a half months. If they would or could have helped you really get away, they'd have done it by now. Maybe they were cowards for not calling the police that first night. Or maybe they were just selfish. They didn't want their eldest Hyung to be locked away. They didn't want everything they worked so hard for to be torn away. Or maybe, they're just as scared of him as you are.

He's taking too long, Seonghwa decides. He turns back to you, his hand finding your knee before you can kick it away. "What happened, Baby?"

    That little touch makes you fucking snap. A full flip from terrified of the man and back to the rage he heard a few moments ago.

     You throw his hand off of you, and he lets it fall back to his side as he watches in shock; his fingers twitching against the soft sheets.

    You sit up on your knees, making yourself look bigger than you actually are — as you scream obscenities in his face.

    Every curse word in your vocabulary is thrown his way as you go yell how you are not, in fact, His Baby. Even some ones that the men have never heard as you shout that you don't love him. You don't like San, or Mingi- actually, you hate all of his members. They're all cowardly bastards and he is their sick fuck of a leader — those are your exact words as you throw the stuffed bear Jongho made with you at his face.

    It hits him on the nose and lands on the floor. His eyes follow it, and don't seem to move after that.

    Swears are tumbling out as you say how much you hate it here. You miss your home. You miss your friends. You even miss your job. You want a hug from old Miss Lee.

    It turns back into rage within an instant. He's forced to listen as you insult his character directly now. Forget about the members, forget about the things you miss. Forget about everything and everyone else; right now you need to let Park Seonghwa know how much you loathe him.

    You say he's a freak, he's a pervert. Sick in the head for all the things he's done. There's not a therapist in the whole wide world that could cure him. You can't stand to look at him. He's annoyingly overbearing. You wouldn't spit on him if he were on fire. You'd shoot him twice if you and him were locked in a room with a hungry lion. You aren't His Baby. You aren't even his girlfriend anymore. He's delusional.

    San and Mingi watch aghast, jaw dropped and eyes wide as you scream. You're crying so fast and so violently with emotion that your tears create streams down your cheeks that connect on your jaw; going on to drip onto the collar of your baby blue dress.

Seonghwa doesn't dare look at you as you vent your emotions. The words ring around his head like a church bell. You can't possibly mean all of this. He takes care of you, doesn't he? He loves you. He gives you the world and only ever expects your love in exchange.

    He thought he had it — your love. It had been months since your last outburst. He, really all of them, thought your defiance had passed. That they could all pretend this was semi-okay.

     You let him play with your favorite toys that nobody else was allowed to touch. You gave him kisses and hugs. You let him care for you, you can't mean these things — right? You let him give you baths and do your hair. You let him do everything. He went to sleep with you in his arms and woke up the same way.

      "Yah!" You screech, grabbing his neatly fluffed pillow and hurling it at his already lowered head. "Do you even hear me? Park Seonghwa! I hate you!"

   The world stops the millisecond the word passes your lips.

    You stop screaming; only panting and crying as you see the visible shift in his aura. He goes from unreadable to fucking pissed in a snap.

    Mingi backs into San, their eyes as wide as yours.

    As you realize what you've done, you slap a hand over your mouth.

    It's deadly silent in the room. In the apartment. It seems like the Earth has ceased it's spinning. 

   Not only could you hear a needle drop, you can hear as a single tear falls from his eye and collides with the hardwood.

    Both of them look at him. You look at him. He only looks at the floor.

   His shoulders tense up and his breathing gets shallow.

    He stands up, almost robotically. You slam yourself back into the wall, watching him closely. He picks up his pillow and dusts it off before putting it back where it belongs.

   "Hyung...?" San dares to whisper, but he doesn't get a response.

    Seonghwa picks up the bear and presses his lips together, taking another deep breath as he pushes back his hair. "Come get your bear."

    You shake your head as he finally meets your fearful gaze. He's so mad that steam may as well be coming out of his ears. "Come here," he commands with a flat tone before he snaps, yelling suddenly, "get the fuck over here!"

    You flinch before jumping into action, though the action is a slow crawl to the edge of the bed.

   Mingi jolts as well, grabbing Sans arm and giving him a look that begs him to intervene.

    But San knows better than to poke an angry bear.

    "Baby," his voice is back to a barely contained rage hiding under a sickly sweet syrup, "do you have any idea how many rules you just broke?"

    "I d- I'm s-sorry," you stammer as he cups your heated and wet face.

    "Raising your voice, throwing things, hitting people, being mean, talking about before, saying naughty words," he squishes your face in his hands as he glares at you, "you're acting like a goddamn brat!"

    Mingi doesn't know what to do, he feels like his body isn't responding to his mind. His mind wants to knock Seonghwa over the head and run away with you in his arms. But his body seems to remember the pain of the last time he tried to help you even slightly. He's stuck. He's stuck.

   "Hyung, maybe you should take it easy-" San speaks up quietly from Mingi's side.

    "Don't get me started on you two! You stay there and shut up, I'll get to you," he snaps his head to face them, getting a glimpse of the outrage that your forced nose to nose with, "I'm taking care of My Baby first. You know I can't let bad behavior go untreated."

    He lets go of your face and grabs your collar when you go scramble away, keeping you in place. "six rules, baby. All in... what, ten minutes? Do you really want to make it seven by running away?" You shake your head. He isn't pleased with that answer. "Do you?!"

    "No." You manage to squeak out past the lump in your throat that's limiting your air flow.

    He lets go of you and backs up. "Bend over the bed."

    "Wait, pl-"

    "Before I get the paddle."

    He doesn't say anything else. He doesn't have to. He just watches as you move at a turtles pace; like these few extra seconds will save you.

    After an incident in the early days involving an unlocked window and some sheets, you don't ever want to even see the paddle again.

     He doesn't make you move faster. He just stands a few inches away, deadly silent. He only speaks up when you look to the others beggingly. "You aren't allowed to look at them anymore."

    It had been a rule when you first arrived. You only got that privilege a few weeks ago and you were kissing it goodbye. You figured it was probably to make you feel isolated, to forget the fact that these were people. People who could help you if your puppy dog eyes worked hard enough.

Mingi is still holding back his tears, sniffing quietly. Even Sans breathing sounds anxious; like if he moves a muscle that he's next on his Hyungs list.

   You stand with your back to Seonghwa, your knees touching the edge of the bed. You don't want to bend over. You're afraid. He's never spanked you when he was this angry. You're starting to regret your words already. "Please-"

    "Jesus!" He huffs, clearly fed up with your stalling, "bend over, Baby." He shoves your torso over the bed, the stuffed bear landing next to you.

    San and Mingi avert their eyes as Seonghwa flips up the skirt on your dress. They may be complacent with his actions, but they certainly don't enjoy or agree with them. They'll never cross that line. They, all seven of the younger members, promised it. Never look at you when you were vulnerable like that. Never touch you. Never help him hurt you directly.

     Most of them even decided it would be best to help you however possible without ruining all of their lives in the process. Getting you small gifts. Sneaking you snacks or an extra hour of games or cartoons. Stealing you away to their dorms to play and "babysit" to "give Seonghwa a break."

    But there was nothing they could do when Seonghwa told you to do something. Come to bed early. Let him wash your hair. Give him a kiss. Sit on his lap. Bend over.

    So they couldn't do anything but look away with heavy weight on their hearts.

    The sound of Seonghwa quite literally ripping your panties off your body makes them cringe. Your cries for Mingi to help you remind him of the first night Seonghwa had stolen you away from the world. They make him want to disappear forever.

    The way you plead for their help makes San feel like curling up into a ball and never moving again.

    "Ming! Ming, please, don't let him hurt me!" You claw at the blanket as Seonghwa traps you with one of his legs on either side of you. "Please, I'm sorry! Sannie, I- ow!!"

    Seonghwa doesn't even start easy on you. Smack after smack is landed on your bottom harshly.

    "Please!" You don't know who you're crying for. It doesn't matter, does it? Nobody is coming to save you, that's what you realize as the man you once would have trusted with your life spanks you with so much force that it aches all the way through to your hip.

    You grab the teddy bear and hug it to your chest tightly as you scream with each of his thwacks.

    For the briefest, beautifulest second — you think he's done when he's left one of your cheeks stinging and burning and the sound of the smacks pauses.

    Pauses. Because that was just him moving to get a better angle on your other side.

    "Mommy!" You sob loudly; and the sound officially makes Mingi cry. He can't hold his tears any longer. He turns his body away completely to try to distance himself from the abuse.

    San reaches and wraps his pinky around his; his head similarly hung low with shame and sadness.

   It does little to comfort either of them. But it reminds them of the promise they made all of those months ago.

   All of their pinkies locked together; they promised to do their best for their obviously challenged Hyung.

    Both of your cheeks bruising and hot to the touch, he finally backs up. You don't know how many hits you took, and he doesn't know how many he gave. But you both know that it was more than five per broken rule; which he promised was all he'd ever give when you first broke one.

     He moves his legs from either side of you and lets you crumble to the floor in a heap of breathless sobs.

    He haphazardly pulls your skirt to cover you before he leaves you alone completely; letting you blubber into your arms without an ounce of comfort to give you.

   He looks down at his palm as he steps over you. It's as red and angry as he was.

   He slowly looks up at the men. "Tell me what happened."

    Mingi wipes his face roughly with his sleeve, standing up straight as San finally reveals what set you off.

    "We were going to watch a movie, but... she saw it before we could change the channel."

    "What? What did she see?"

    "Her missing persons photo. Her best friend was talking about her..."

❝you're my baby, say it to me❞ ✧ ೃ༄ ｡

It was quiet in the apartment after you finally managed to stop your cries, making yourself stop sobbing and snotting everywhere.

No noise at all. If you hadn't know better, you'd think they all left. But you do know better. Seonghwa refused to ever leave you alone.

Even if they were all busy. When they all had to practice or film, you went with them and sat in the corner and stayed out of the way of the camera "like a good girl", he'd say.

If it was a performance or a recording with people who weren't apart of the company, you were hidden out of sight in the van or backstage. Being watched over by someone who'd coincidentally gotten a raise.

You stayed right there on the floor for the longest time, sobs of anguish turning into defeated sniffs.

Oh, you really outdid yourself this time.

Even at his angriest, he never left your side when there was a tear in your eye; even if he was the cause.

You know he has a zero tolerance policy for that word. An immediate five smacks to the behind, regardless where you were or who was around.

Hate. Ironically, it could be said that he hated it. Especially when it came from your precious lips.

You once said you hated a movie in a casual conversation with Yeosang. And Seonghwa overheard you. He spanked you then and there. He didn't care that all of the members were there, watching you cry out apologies as he hit you over your overalls.

Zero tolerance.

And you aimed it right at him and fired.

And now, deep into the night, he still hasn't come back. You're starting to wonder if your tidal wave of curses and insults broke the last string of humanity around his heart. If he might have killed San and Mingi and that's why it's so quiet. If he's planning on how to kill you, too.

Your body screams in protest as you force yourself up. Yelling all the way as you crawl your way to the pink tent in the corner of the room — right out of sight of his computers camera.

It's placed ontop of soft play mats and filled with childish things that Seonghwa had collected for you and gifts from the other members. Maybe they gave them to you to say they were somehow on your side, or as a peace offering after betraying you.

The softest throw blankets. Pillows of various shapes and sizes; your favorite of which tucked under your head, cradling your face with the faux fur. A small box of your favorite pacifiers and toys that nobody was allowed to touch. You had to be distracted when Seonghwa cleaned them or else you'd throw a fit.

You tug the ribbon keeping the sheer fabric on the side open undone. Like it will shield you. Like it will undo what's been done.

Maybe, in your fragile and breaking mind, it will.

He never comes in here. Only reaches in once every other week to get the blankets and wash them or grab the pacifiers to clean them while you're with the others.

You curl up on your side and find yourself crying all over again as you think about that.

Maybe... just maybe, Seonghwa actually does care about you. In his own fucked up, delusional way. It's not right, and the logical part of you knows that. It's not healthy. But in his sick mind, he's doing the absolute best he can for his precious girl.

You can still see Seonghwa in his room when he's not there. Maybe that's why you hate being stuck in here. Why you always beg the members to let you hang out with them.

It's so neat. So color coordinated. Grey and white and warm lights.

You're the only exception, you come to see. Toys and books and crayons strewn about in your little corner of his world. Your coloring books. Your clothes which you had thrown in your rage before he got home. Your stuffed animals laying around. Your ripped panties and tears and snot on the floor.

You're the only exception. Maybe that's why you get so upset when you slip out of the little space he's made for you. You know you don't fit seamlessly into his life. You know it. You don't belong here.

But you can't leave.

So maybe you should make the best of your shitty situation.

With a groan of effort, you push yourself back up.

❝you're my baby, say it to me❞ ✧ ೃ༄ ｡

    It's even deeper into the night when he finally returns. He turns the key and opens the door quietly. It's 2:36.

    Which means it's a long time past your bedtime. You've become so accustomed to it that he figures you're probably fast asleep; especially with the stress of earlier.

    And he's right. The ceiling light is turned off, but you've kept on the lamp on the bedside table. You were probably scared of the dark but didn't want to completely defy his lights out rule.

     His heart sinks as he sees you. A pang of regret hitting him right where it hurts. You're curled up on your side, sleeping on his half of the bed and holding his pillow tightly. Your closed eyes are still swollen from the amount of tears you'd shed, even though hours have passed at this point.

    He takes a shaking breath as he notices that last fact. He doesn't even want to fathom how much he'd hurt you. His anger got the best of him and deep down it hurts because he knows it wasn't the first time.

    He's done it to everyone. His members. His family. Himself.

    The darkest parts of him reach in from the recesses of his mind, saying that you'll never forgive him. That he's ruined everything he's worked towards. His Baby is better off without him.

   He's quick to slap them away as he slowly crawls over you and into bed. He pauses before he lays down, and looks around.

    Something is off. Something is different.

    Everything is in place.

    All of your toys and books and coloring supplies are on the shelf where he puts them during his Sunday resets. All of your clothes are folded and sat on his desk in neat piles. All your stuffed animals are lined up around your tent, only your very favorites on your side of the bed.

    Your tears and snot wiped up and your ripped panties in the bin.

    "Oh, My Baby..." he immediately lays on his side and carefully gathers you into his arms, holding your torso close and being careful not to touch your undoubtedly aching bottom.

    He can't stop the tears. He can't help but cry, though his tries to do so quiet so you can rest, "My Baby..." He bites his tongue. He wants you to rest, you need it. But the smallest noise, the littlest movement wakes you up in your delicate state.

   When you groan sleepily, stirring awake — he expects you to crawl away when you feel his familiar arms around you.

   But you don't.

   You do nearly the opposite, actually. You peek over your shoulder, making sure you aren't imagining the weight of his arms around you.

 

     When you see him, you roll over with a whine and shimmy into his arms, you bury your face in his sweater and hold onto the fabric gently.

    "Hey, sweet girl," he coos hoarsely, gently rubbing your back.

   You were right, earlier. You weren't left alone. Seonghwa stormed off to the apartment two floors down to Hongjoong. San and Mingi were comforting each other in the living room, trying to ignore your muffled sobs after he slammed the door and locked it.

    While they sat in silence, Seonghwa screamed and screamed until he couldn't breathe.

   Eventually, Hongjoong and Wooyoung managed to calm him down. Then they talked and talked. Wooyoung suggested, very lightly, that maybe you should spend the night in one of the other apartments.

   Then he screamed some more, even lunged at the man.

   All this time, your night time routine had never changed. All this time, he never let you out of his arm while he slept. Even that first night, the first week, when you thrashed and fought and cried until you passed out from exhaustion — you did so in his arms.

   "Mommy." It's a simple word. An acknowledgment. But it calms him. Makes his heart thud in a different way. He takes pride in that name. And it makes him unbelievably happy that you can still call him that after what he's put you through.

   "Are you okay, Baby?" He knows. He knows the answer is no. But he'll give you a chance to speak for yourself. To tell him how to help. What to do to have a sliver of a chance in Hell to redeem himself.

   "M'hungry... an' it hurts..." You peek up at him, sniffling, "m'sorry I said those mean things to you and Ming and Sannie... I'm sorry I was a brat."

   "Come on, Sweetpea," he lifts you up, and you instinctively koala hug onto him; your arms around his neck and legs around his waist. "Mommy will take care of you."

   The night time ritual starts now, a pattern of familiarity to calm both of your shot nerves.

    He scoops up a pillow from the couch on the way to the kitchen table, and sits it down on your chair before delicately lowering you down. It still hurts. Everything hurts. You'll be sitting in their laps for two weeks, at the very least.

    You eat in silence. Usually you'd talk about the day and the next one's plans. He'd ask if you were good when he wasn't around. You'd ask how work was, if he had any new songs to sing you.

    But neither of you have any words. You can't find them. You only want to be in each other's peaceful company.

    He clears the table, which is usually your chore. You know he feels bad for what he did. He always insists on you doing your chores for a sense of purpose or being. But he knows it will hurt if you try to stand. It will hurt when you try to do anything.

    He made sure that you'll be feeling the same pain he did.

   "C'mere, baby-doll," he lifts you back into his arms and cradles your head to his shoulder. No matter how many times you've insisted that you can walk, he insists right back that his precious girl must be carried.

    You pass Mingi on the way to the bathroom. His posture is slumped and his eyes are bloodshot. But he can't help the small smile that tugs on his lips as you give him a tiny wave over Seonghwa's shoulder.

   The pillow goes down on the counter, then you. He starts your meticulous skincare.

    You then him, over and over. Face wash, toner, serum, the list goes on until you're brushing your teeth together.

    When all is said and done, squeaky clean for the night, he likes to massage your face. He says it's good for blood flow, which is true. But he does it for a simpler reason.

   Your face in his hands. A chance to admire you at the end of the day. No matter what the world threw at him, he would always have you in his hands at the end of it. He can always count on this.

   He cups your cheeks while standing between your legs, rubbing gently. "My Baby," he whispers; so quietly that you actually miss it. You're too busy melting into his soft affection. "You're My Baby."

    "Mhm," you moan quietly, blinking your eyes open to look up at him. "Mh?"

    "Say it to me." He says. Asks. Pleads.

    He rest his forehead on yours, holding your face like you're a doll made of glass. His eyes growing wet with tears as he uses yours as window into the depths of your soul. And what he sees is relieving. Softness and warmth that swirls around him in a form of comfort that only you can provide.

    "I'm your Baby," you nod against his forehead lightly, "I'm your Baby, Mommy."

   He nearly collapses to the floor as his shoulder finally relax. His blood warms with happiness as he hears those words.

    You're all he's ever wanted. All he needs. All he feels that he truly has. The one part of his life that he won't let the world corrupt.

    He knew it the moment he saw you. Knew that he had to be with you. Love at first sight. You were so beautiful, so soft and kind. So trusting of the world. He was hit with a feeling he can only describe as pure love and heart attack inducing anxiety. He loves you so much, how can he ever rest if he doesn't know for certain that you're safe? What if you had gotten hurt when he wasn't there? What if you left him? He'd never forgive himself. He'd never move on.

   So he took matters into his own hands.

   He'd never felt it before. And never since. He knows he'll never feel this way about someone else, something else. Nothing but you. But his Baby. He'll never love like he loves his Baby. Never. Never. Never.

    "Mommy," you wipe his tears before they can fall down his face, "you gonna wash away all the stuff you jus' put on."

    He can't help the soft chuckle he lets out, leaning into your touch. It leaves a tingle on his skin. "You're right, Baby."

     You have the tiniest smile playing at your lips, holding his face as he holds yours.

   He gently, oh so gently, places a kiss to your freshly strawberry flavored lips before the routine continues.

    He leaves you to do your business while he collects your pajamas, and when he comes back; he finds you rubbing your bottom with a pout.

    "Oh, Baby! I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," he quickly drops the clothes on the counter and crouches, searching under the sink frantically, "it must have hurt on the toilet, I'm sorry."

   "Yeahm," you whine a simple response as you watch him sit a tube of cream on the counter.

   "C'mere, sweetpea," he helps you rid your tear stained dress as you eye the ointment. He pets your hair before going to grab it, "bend over, Baby."

   Those simple words have you spiraling all over again, "no! Mommy, I've been good!" You hold your arms over your naked chest and give him your saddest puppy dog eyes, already shaking.

    "No, no, no," he shakes his head quickly, gathering you into a hug tenderly, "shhhh, shhh. It's okay, sweet girl. Mommy isn't going to hit you again. Shhhh, that's it. Just breathe, Baby." He tucks your head under his chin as he shushes you, "it's okay... I'm not going to hurt you, I just want to put some numbing cream on your bottom, okay? It will make you feel better. I won't hurt you, Mommy promises."

   "P-promise?"

   "I promise."

    You hesitantly bend over the counter and are relieved to find that he's telling the truth. He's barely touching your sore and discolored behind enough to spread the cream, his touch is so light. He manages to apply the treatment without causing you another panic attack.

    "There you go, angel, see?" He wipes the numbing cream from his fingers before pulling you up gently. "See? All done."

    You watch as he closes the tube and sets it on the counter with your skincare. You know it will be apart of your routine until you've healed. It mocks you as you look at it. You'll have to hear those words every night.

    He sees you glaring daggers at it as he unfolds your sleep shirt. It's one that he doesn't let you wear often. One you got from Jongho when you spilt something on yours while in his care. But you love it. So he gently pulls it over your head and helps you put in on. "Baby," he hums, "you know you're my good girl, right?"

    You sniff as you force your eyes off of the cream, looking up at him. "I am?" You ask as you step into the panties he hands you. "But.. I made you so mad."

    "You are," he reassures you as he takes off his shirt, getting dressed in his own pajamas as he speaks, "you're always my good girl. Even when you make me mad, you're still My Baby. I w... I went a little hard on you tonight, I think. But, you handled it well. Cleaned up and apologized and let me take care of you."

   "Really?"

   "Really," he nods, tossing both of your dirty clothes into the basket while he continues with a soft tone, "you're the most precious thing in the whole wide world to me, you know that. And I know I hurt you, Baby... I haven't hurt you this bad since you tried to run away, right?"

     He gently tilts your head up with a finger to your chin, and you agree with a sad look in your eyes as you remember the first time you tried to run for the door. The scratches you had on your legs from where he yanked you back. The pain in your foot after he crushed it. "Yeah..."

    "Yeah, right? Mommy doesn't like to hurt you, sweet girl. But sometimes bad behavior needs to be corrected in a way that will stick in your little brain. Those were some very mean words you said to me. You didn't try to leave, but with those words you might as well have."

    You shuffle into his awaiting arms and hug him tightly, "M'sorry, Mommy. I don't- I don't know why I said that stuffs... I didn't mean it! You take such good care of me."

    "Shhh, don't cry now, beautiful," he caresses your head softly, a tender touch reserved only for you, "don't cry anymore, I forgive you." He kisses the top of your head a few times before picking you up and holding you close sweetly. "I forgive you, angel. Big emotions are hard for My Baby to handle, huh?"

   "Mhm," you nod against his shoulder, clinging to him as he opens the door.

    "Mhm," he smiles lightly at you as he slowly heads back down the hall to your room. "I want you to apologize to Ming and Sannie in the morning, okay? You acted up on their watch, so be my good girl and say you're sorry. Can you do that for me?"

    "Yes, Mommy," you yawn as soon as you see the bed, desperate for rest. Then your eyes flick to your tent. You're also desperate for comfort. "Mommy?" You whisper as he sets you down on the bed slowly, pointing to the pink shelter, "can sleep in my tent tonigh'?"

    "Oh, Baby, you know I have to hold you to sleep. You can have a nap in there tomorrow, how about it?"

    "Nuh, Mommy too," you blink up at him, "we sleep in my tent?"

   "Awe," he coos at how adorable you are so deep into your little space, and he can't help but agree, "of course, Baby."

    You nearly fling yourself out of the bed and crawl into the tent, already getting comfortable when he kneels and shuffles inside with you. He watches you with stars in his eyes as you slide under the obscene amount of throw blankets and hold them up for him.

    He cuddles you from behind as the blankets form a sort of soft and fluffy weight on top of you. They smell like you. Like love and happiness. The plushie you slide under his head does as well. It's warm and safe in here, the mats on the floor and the blankets keep you warm from the October weather. Your quiet, tranquil breaths lure him into a state of calm as he holds you tightly.

    He stays like that for a long time. Almost like he's meditating.

    He can see why you like it in here —

     He looks up and instead of the usual white ceiling, he's met with the pink fabric. Oh. He's actually in here.

    Ever since he set it up three months ago, only his arm has entered. You set a strict "BABY ONLY" policy. Not even Mingi was allowed in. Not even Yeosang. Or even Jongho, who was clearly your favorite.

     They were all confined to the mats outside of the tent.

   But you invited him in. You let him in. To your safe space.

     He thought after what he had done; you would be back at square one.

    But you went and proved him wrong. You cleaned up and apologized and you were a good girl. His good girl.

    You went ahead and proved to him that you are; and will always be —

    His Baby.

❝Losing Dogs❞ ✧ ೃ༄ ｡

[lunarriviera]

everyone's straight bestie tao ran

i know i yell a lot about the mains in jitd, for obvious reasons, but i feel i must take a moment to praise the work of 刘一宏 liu yihong, playing tao ze. i've never seen him in a single other thing but HE IS A PERFECT TAO RAN and has 100% become him, now, in my brain.

(why is he going through it here? not telling, you'll have to watch.)

an actor has to be a lot of contradictory things, to be tao ran, but mostly he has to be the literal straight man to his friends' weird banana men: serious, cheerful, calm, sane. liu yihong has figured out how to balance all this. he's openly affectionate to fei du yet keeps him at the appropriate distance; he and lwz work so well together and so visibly, obviously trained under the same shifu that it's a little uncanny; and he's also very good at depicting tao ran as completely bewildered by his two friends, who have always been at each other's throats and are now, suddenly, bizarrely, flirting. is the world ending? is he imagining things? does luo wenzhou have a concussion? he doesn't have too much time to think about it, though, bc crime.

(since when are these bickering mortal enemies making slutty EYES at each other?!? why does lwz keep SMILING LIKE THAT????)

i really hope liu yihong gets better work after this, bc he truly brought his A-game to a role someone else might have found pro forma, even boring, and just phoned it in. it's one of those parts that seems basic yet is genuinely challenging—tao ran has to run the gamut from "babbling incoherently when he talks to girls" to "staunchly devoted to his hotheaded gay best friend who's also his boss now" and, maybe the hardest of these, "fiercely competent cop," which means a metric FUCK TON of police dialogue (nearly as bad as scifi gabble, for most actors), but he makes it all look natural and easy.

also he's a good scene partner; he works so well with both mains, it's seamless. plus he gives one hell of a reaction shot—look at him here, realizing things! figuring shit out, in real time, with a camera looming approximately 18" from his face! that is NOT easy to do; good job, sir.

some of the most difficult, challenging material still lies ahead, obviously, but i'm completely confident he's got this. he clearly read the novel, like the others, bc he's sensitive to where its emotional beats should fall (and so is the director, but more on him later). so thank you, liu yihong, whose name i just learned today. things are about to be very-not-great in the world of tao ze, but fuck it you ball.

PS both @bladedweaponsandswishycoats and i were super sad he didn't get one of his most hilarious lines from the novel, the deadpan "by process of elimination, the mole can only be me." maybe he'll say it later? he also didn't get to nearly bite his tongue off when lwz blurts out, "he's my lover," and he would have done so well with that—

[toomuchracket]

rain showers (flatmate!matty x reader fluff/smut)

day 12 of promptober!! just matty being boyfriend of all time, really. enjoy <3

“please, please, darling. i'll never ask you to do anything for me ever again.”

“that's a lie and you know it.”

“well, maybe. but still,” matty wraps his arms around you, hands clasping over your stomach and lips finding the sweet spot in the crook of your neck. underhanded. “come outside with me, sweet girl. just for a minute or so, that's all i'm asking.”

his kisses trail up to your temple; despite yourself, you sigh, cosy and content. and then the rain outside begins crashing down even harder, and the cosiness disappears in a flash, akin to the lightning that's forecast for later tonight. you gesture to the window, aghast. “in this?”

“what? s'just a bit of water.”

“matthew, love and light of my life - fucking torrential is what it is.”

your boyfriend sighs, hugging you tighter. “thirty seconds,” he murmurs into your hair. “less than a minute in the rain, and then we come back inside, and i'll warm you up and make you the best cup of tea you've ever had in your life. promise.”

“but it's so cold out there.”

“babe,” matty rests his forehead on your shoulder. “come on. i fulfilled your romcom cliché dream.”

“technically, i didn't ask for that-”

“yes you did, darling, you just don't remember because you were half-asleep,” he kisses your cheek, pouting into your skin. “are you saying you don't wanna kiss me? is that it?”

“oh, you're so bloody sneaky,” you spin in his grasp, clasping your hands behind his neck and playfully pulling at his hair. “what are the chances of you shutting up unless you get your way?”

“hmmm, slim to none.”

you exhale slowly. “you promise it'll only be thirty seconds?”

“yeah, thirty… ish.”

“matthew!”

“not my fault your kisses are so addictive, is it?” matty giggles; his face softens, and he tenderly rests his forehead on yours. “it'll be as quick as i can make it, darling. you won't get a cold, though, i guarantee that.”

“good. you're looking after me if i do, though,” you kiss his nose, smirking as you pull back. “and i'm gonna be so annoying if i get ill.”

“is this an agreement, then? you'll come out and kiss me in the rain?”

fuck it. you might as well. “i mean, you're kissing me. but yeah.”

matty cheers, pressing little kisses over your face; your smile widens with each one. “thank you, my darling,” his hands trail down your arms to grab your own, before tugging you into the hallway. “come on, get your shoes on.”

“i can't get changed?”

“the sooner we go, the sooner we're back in the warmth.”

“but i'm wearing shorts!”

“trust me, i've noticed,” matty kneels, tying his own shoelaces before holding one of your trainers out. “come on, cinderella.”

you smile as he helps you into your shoes, tying the laces into bows and pressing kisses to your thighs before he stands and kisses your head. “you're very cute, healy.”

“i try. you ready?”

“yeah.”

your boyfriend presses a final kiss to your head, grabbing a set of house keys from the guitar-head hook and gently tugging you out the front door of the flat. the cold from outside is apparent even in the stairwell, growing stronger and rain growing louder as you get closer to the external door, and if not for matty's warm hand fully clutching your own you'd definitely be running back up to the warmth of the flat and the blankets on the sofa.

you almost do, actually, when matty opens the door and you're properly face to face with the downpour; the rain hits the pavement at a diagonal, and the cold hits you so strongly you genuinely feel nauseous for a moment. matty seemingly has no such qualms, dropping your hand and stepping onto the (deserted, because everyone else is sane and indoors) road; he turns to you, arms open and face gleeful. “come on, sweetheart,” he shouts, baggy t-shirt beginning to stick to his lean body. “it's lovely out here!”

sucking air in through your teeth, you dart out onto the road after him, shrieking as the icy water hits you. “jesus christ!”

matty only laughs, pulling you into his arms for a hug. any and all body heat he had seems to have evaporated in the autumn air, but you appreciate the gesture nonetheless. “hey,” he tilts your chin up so he can look at you, and your heart skips several beats at just how beautiful he is right now, droplets of water on his eyelashes and hair practically plastered to his head and eyes shining with total adoration as they look into your own. “i love you.”

“i love you,” you tenderly brush a raindrop from his cheekbone with your thumb; it's immediately replaced by another, but you don't care. you don't care about anything right now, actually, except the beautiful boy holding you in his arms and looking at you like you're the most beautiful thing in the world. logically, you mustn't be, soaked to the bone and shaking and probably lacking in pallor, but it's impossible not to feel like you are around matty. “kiss me?”

your boyfriend leans in, smiling the exact same smile that got you into this state in the first place. “magic word?”

his lips are mere millimetres - actually, more like nanometres - from your own; when you reply, he practically swallows the word. “please.”

“sweet girl.”

your boyfriend's lips meet yours, and you question why you haven't kissed him in the rain like this before now - matty's kisses are always head-spinning, sending a flush of heat through your body that culminates in both your heart and your underwear, and the cold water running down and between both of you only sharpens the sensations, has you melting into him and wishing you could stay like this forever. but your matthew is a man of his word, and retracts his tongue from your throat with disappointing urgency; he holds your face a millisecond longer, though, murmuring “my dream girl. thank you” before leading you back inside.

ironically, like earlier, it's only in the stairwell that you properly comprehend the cold of the afternoon - your teeth begin to chatter as the door closes behind you and the draught follows, and matty’s sweet enough to speed up his leading you back into the flat in response. it's mercifully toasty in there, heating on full blast, and the rain doesn't seem half as bad when it's only hitting off the windowsills and not you. still, the way it lingers in your clothes and weighs them down is not a nice feeling at all; you're unaware that you've automatically started to take them off until you hear a choked gasp from your boyfriend's lips. you turn to him, smirking as you pull your sodden t-shirt over your head and dropping it on the hardwood floors. “what?”

“you…” matty's eyes are glued to your bare chest. “aren't you cold?”

“not after getting out of these wet clothes, no,” you hook your thumbs in the waistband of your underwear, still looking at your boyfriend. “wanna come and feel how warm i am?”

he blinks, huffing out a laugh and wandering slowly over to you. “still need me to warm you up?”

“always,” your fingers tease the hem of matty's t-shirt. “can we do it in the shower?”

“fuck,” matty nods, pulling the t-shirt over his head before pulling you into a bruising kiss. “if i ever refuse a shower with you, darling, get me to the gp, yeah? obviously it means i've gone insane.”

“you're so weird,” you giggle, trailing your lips down his neck; you pause to whisper in his ear. “but i still want your fingers inside me.”

he doesn't reply. instead, he scoops you up and carries you into the bathroom, sitting you on the counter before reaching in to turn the shower on; his lips find yours while he scrambles to undress, and you can't help but smile against him as he almost trips over himself in haste to get ready for you. presumably, he reaches back to test the water at some point, because you soon find yourself under the warm stream, your back pressed against matty's front. it's a perfect scenario - well, almost. “could do with the water being a bit hotter, baby.”

“absolutely not, you lunatic. it's fucking scalding!” matty sighs into your neck. his right hand creeps across your thigh to the honey between them, calloused fingertips brushing almost non-existently light across your clit and making your breath hitch. “besides, you'll be feeling the heat soon enough.”

“that's maybe the worst thing you've ever sai- oh,” you moan softly as matty's fingers brush through your slit, catching the wetness pooling there and teasing your hole. “inside me, baby,” your voice cracks. “please.”

he smiles against you. “whatever my sweet girl wants.”

angel boy that he is, matty obliges, slowly sliding two fingers into you while he coos soft praises into your ear; almost instinctively, they hook upwards to meet your g-spot, and the combo of that with the heel of his hand against your clit has you whining into thin air. he repeats the motion, over and over and over, and with every movement of his hand you fall deeper and deeper into bliss. your brain is turning more to mush with every passing second, but somewhere in its recesses you think about how you used to touch yourself the way matty's touching you now, imagining the way those fingers of his would feel inside you - both of those things pale in comparison to the real thing, without a doubt. after all, there's no way you could get yourself to that peak of pleasure as quickly as he has, vision blurring and legs shaking and moans falling from your lips just as the warm water falls from the showerhead onto you and the love of your life. 

who, coincidentally, you don't even need to tell that you're about to cum. his free arm tightens around your waist, teeth grazing a hickey into the back of your shoulder. “that's it, sweetheart,” matty whispers, voice barely audible over the shower and you (moans and wetness alike). “cum for me, my girl. give in.”

your mind is too hazy to think straight, but your body obeys him - something inside your stomach tenses, then just shatters, sending pleasure rocketing through your vascular and nervous and whatever other systems control the various functions of your body. crying matty's name in broken sobs, you sink back into him as he holds you through your orgasm, groaning “oh, baby, my perfect girl, i love you so much" into you. when the aftershocks subside and your legs aren't quite so shaky, he turns you around, coaxes you into a hug far more tender than one might expect from the guy who's just finger-fucked them, and speaks into your hair. “you feeling a bit warmer now?”

“yeah. thanks,” you smile into his chest. “i love you, matty.”

“i love you, gorgeous.”

you hum happily. “can i return the favour?”

“can do anything you want to me, to be honest.”

“oh, i intend to,” your face is smug. “but first… i think someone mentioned something earlier about making the other the best cup of tea they've ever had in their life?”

matty laughs, and the sun shines. “come on, then.”

[batboyblog]

https://www.tumblr.com/batboyblog/763234650399424512/the-recent-chappell-roan-thing-is-why-i-absolutely

I frankly also get the impression that a lot of these people genuinely think another Trump term will just be “business as usual” or “it’ll only hurt the people who deserve to suffer” and that they’ll just be able to hide away from the consequences for four years before someone comes along and fixes the mess for them and they get to benefit.

I don’t think they have any realization of just how bad this is gonna get the second time around, because the first time Trump was metaphorically behind a chained fence and held back by strong rope. This time he’s being let loose alongside his fascist theocratic friends.

I've puzzled about this for some time, because like do people honestly not remember what it was like? what those 4 years were like? the fear, the chaos, the national embarrassment. Every day waking up and going "oh god! what did he DO! while I was asleep!" and how often you'd wake up to some story that he'd tweeted something scary and dangerous at 4am. I believe him threatening to nuke North Korea (the "Fire and Fury" tweet) was one of those very early AM specials that we all woke up to.

I mean for people like Chappell, its hard to remember, but Trump has been the more or less national main character for 9 years, since the fall of 2015. I mean an 18 year old first time voter could have been 8 years old when Trump came down the gold escalators told us all that Mexicans were rapists and he was running for President. So for anyone under 30, Trump is normal since every election they've been able to vote in, he's been the Republican nominee. I've spent 9 years of my life, across 5 elections fighting Trump directly or indirectly. Depressing thought that.

but past that there's been a national effort to gaslight us all into thinking "yeah no it was normal" I mean I remember the media coverage of 2017, the first year or so of Trump's Presidency, every few weeks or so there'd be some "is it time for the 25th amendment now?" story about if Trump's weird behavior this time for his cabinet to step it and remove him. (A quick google turned up CNN Oct 2017, New York Times May 2017, The Guardian July 2017, and Vox February 2017) compare that to coverage today? The term "Sane-washing" has been coined where when Trump says something bonkers it gets characterized as "sometimes meandering" rather than "incomprehensible" and "worrying"

figures in the media have gone so far as to claim there's just no point to covering new Trump scandals because "they won't move the needle" which really should not be a journalist standard. And we see that they do, take North Carolina's Mark Robinson. Caught in a massive scandal, involving sex, porn, and being a Nazi, he's now down massively in the polls after nation wide coverage. Trump just had new court documents opened that showed he wanted a riot on January 6th, that his reaction to a mob threatening the life of his Vice-President was "so what?" and they he knew full well that he had lost but was going to "fight like hell" any ways. And its not much of a story, indeed I'm seeing more news about a NY Republican Congress having worn black face (new story today) than Trump's effort to over throw the government and kill Mike Pence.

past the media's gaslighting of course there's been a major and on-going campaign to effect how we see reality. I know that sounds very woo-woo, but to step back for second, most of what we know about the world is stuff people tell us, so you know Joe Biden is the President because other people have said so, most likely you've never met him or even seen him in person. Well as more and more people turn away from traditional media, and traditional media turns more and more to making of money by confirming the bias of people, it becomes easier and easier to slip things that are not real into "facts we are told". So for example "Joe Biden is President, and also in decline" there's never been any real evidence of that, but if on social media you are bombarded with it 4,000 times a day... you start to take it as understood wisdom.

people are also getting worse and worse at not just taking what they're told if it confirms biases they already have. Former Vice-President Al Gore wrote a book nearly 20 years ago now, called "The Assault on Reason" which had a ton of very interest neuroscience about the ways that moving images, TV he was talking about, by-pass the logic centers of the mind, the way we relate and trust someone talking to us in a way the written word does not. I can't help but reflect on that with the rise of TikTok and short form video as a "source of information" (lol)

any ways this is a long winded way of saying bad faith players, Republicans, left wing grifters, and agents of chaos, have been very good at flooding the zone all through the Biden Presidency with stuff "student loan debt" remember when that was SO! important SO big and Biden "not doing anything" (untrue) was the biggest deal? well yesterday his newest plan got unlocked in court and 3 out of every 4 people with loan debt will get relief.... oh you're just now hearing about that from me? huh... funny... I thought it was the number one issue and reason we should never trust Biden and the Democrats... weird....

but there have been other issues pushed up as THE! issue, its all misdirection, its all meant to get natural Democratic voters to feel frustrated, upset, and hopeless, and not to vote their interest. The world is a big complex multi moving machine, and anyone telling you that one issue either fixes every other issue or totally totally outweighs everything else and should for everyone, is most likely BSing you and doesn't have your best interests at heart.

and lets be clear, Trump is a Rapist he's a lot of things, traitor, racist, scumbag, criminal, scab, tax cheat, fraud, etc but for me any ways, I'm not gonna vote for a rapist to be President and if other people aren't gonna do everything they can to stop a rapist from being the President I don't want to hear how much they care about progressive issues.

[hanjisungslag]

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚🩰 ouran host club headcanons ep. 2

synopsis: becoming a host/hostess at the host club

characters included: tamaki, kyoya, haruhi, hikaru, kaoru, honey & mori

notes: i’ve been reading ohshc manga again! haruhi just realised her romantic feelings >.< ♡

𐙚 tamaki suoh

oh, he would looovvee it! he’s so excited because obviously, he’s going to be training you. he really takes pride in being your mentor & he makes sure to perfect your hosting skills. however, he didn’t actually have to train you much. you had pure natural charm, which he was simultaneously impressed and upset by (he was really excited to make you into a mini-him) anyways, after your first rodeo of being a host/hostess, he was sooo jelly😆 not only were you fresh meat but, you had the natural charm & the ladies absolutely adore it. kyoya joked you had more customers than tamaki that day. (cut to tamaki sitting in a corner sulking)

𐙚 kyoya ootori

oddly enough, he was actually really up for you becoming a host/hostess. when you thought maybe, just maybe, he genuinely just liked having you around & he was seriously excited about you being a host, he ended up confessing how he only allowed it because he thought it would ‘interesting’. one thing about kyoya that not a lot of people know is that he loves a bit of mischief. not anything too inconvenient or anything that would cause him distress but, just a bit of fun and that’s exactly what he thought when you joined. (bonus points for him as well because now he can sell even more merch & make more money too).

𐙚 haruhi fujioka

oh my god, she tried warning you on several occasions saying how insane being a host is & how all the members are very… eccentric. but, for whatever reason, you had your heart set on becoming a host/hostess. at first, haruhi was disheartened purely because she just didn’t want you to get wrapped up in the chaos but, in the end, when you did join - she was grateful. she was soo incredibly grateful because you & her are on the same wave length unlike the others. she finally has someone whose as sane as her & someone she can talk to about the members shenanigans.

𐙚 hikaru hitachiin

oh, he is so up for it, are you kidding me? another member?! that’s gonna make for some chaos, for sure! and that’s what hikaru likes to hear. oh my god, he is so pulling little pranks on you, he’s like “i’ll mentor them!!” and then tells you the exact opposite of what you need to do 😭. there would be a lot of dare i say… flirtatious banter between the two of you. you eventually caught on he’s been pulling your leg the whole time you’ve been here so, you make sure to get back at him! tamaki thinks it’s a love blossoming which he thinks is just precious whereas kyoya hates you two together. too much chaos & more work for him to do.

𐙚 kaoru hitachiin

hikaru and kaoru are on the same wavelength (obviously), kaoru feels the exact same way as hikaru, a new member just means more fun & mischief to be had! when you aren’t pulling pranks with the twins or having pranks pulled on you, oh kaoru loves to dress you uppp! we all know how iconic the host club’s outfits are but, even if you’re planning a usual sit-in tea date with the students, kaoru is making sure you’ve got drip. you’re never in your uniform because he’s always dressing you up😛. he loves having you so close all the time now!

𐙚 mitsukuni haninozuka

ooohhh, honey loved that you became a host/hostess! he loves spending time with you & the other members so, having you all together for hours every day is super fun for him! plus, you always bring him extra sweets hehe. honey is such a family-orientated cutie so, having his favourite person mix with his favourite group of people is so awesome >.< you guys have a lot of fun at the host club together, continuously getting distracted & eating way too many cakes which does eventually involve you both getting cavities…

𐙚 takashi morinozuka

he was actually very shocked you joined, he wasn’t really sure why you wanted to but, i guess, why would anyone join a high school host club? of course, it was great having you around. he loves your presence & being together so much more now was a great opportunity to converse & even practice a bit of your judo. sometimes if honey was napping or just chatting with the ladies, you would become mori’s “cute item” & everyone LOVED it, oh my god. it’s like mori and honey were cute because of their differences but, the tension between you and mori was differentttt and people loved it, people ate it up.

[idk6123]

‘Un-official couple’ (Garrus Vakarian X Male Reader)

Sheperd’s team is a bunch of odd folks. Whether humans or aliens, soldiers or criminals, sane or insane people. All kinds of people from different lives come in to help Shepard and the rest of the galaxy to defeat the Reapers. Two of them are Garrus and Y/N, who got along quickly.

From the start, they got along well, whether on or off the battlefield. The crew find it a bit endearing, but as time passes, the crew thought differently about it. They considered Garrus and Y/N an ‘un-official couple’. Hell, they aren’t even sure they are aware of how close they are.

While sitting in their quarters, both soldiers are having their gun maintenance. Whether they clean the weapons, upgrade it or make sure the ammo is high enough.

“They should make snipers tinier.” Y/N states as he and Garrus move on to check out the snipers. “Easier to carry them around.”

“That might be the dumbest thing I ever heard. You need great strength for the bullet to crack through a skull of the poor bastard. That means recoil and in other words, need a bigger gun to deal with it.”

“It was just a suggestions. Pretty sure it can work.”

“You say that, but I know you like your weapons big.” Garrus says a bit teasingly.

Y/N knows what’s he getting at. “Do I?”

“Yes. Long, with a good area to grip it tight.” Garrus says with a deepening voice, enjoying every second of messing with his friend. “Can shoot miles away.”

Y/N hums. “I bet I’m not the only one who likes that. Since you defended big snipers, I bet you love big weapons.”

“Oh, I do-” Garrus then cracks up and begins to laugh, causing his friend to laugh along. “Alright, I’m done with the dick jokes.”

“Oh, you were joking?”

“Oh, shut it.”

While the two friends continue messing around as they do their duties, someone overhears them. It’s none other than their commander, Shepard. Wondering what’s going on with them, he decided to ask about it later.

-

As Garrus is doing a bit more calibration, Shepard walks in on him.

“Hey Garrus.”

“Hey. Is there something?”

“Just chatting.” Shepard stands beside his friend and leans against the wall. “Always nice to do something mindless while we may die tomorrow.”

“You can say that again.” Garrus responds a bit roughly. “But I try to look at it positively. We probably die next week.”

Shepard chuckles. “So… you and Y/N…”

The Turian looks beside him. “What about it?”

“I’m just glad despite everything that is happening, you two still act the same.” Shepard admits. “Kinda envious to be honest.”

“You got friends too, even if it doesn’t look like it.” Garrus jokes.

“Hey, I’m serious.” Shepard sounds amused. “You’re lucky you got him.”

“You say that like we’re a couple.”

“You kinda sound like you already are.”

Garrus looks a bit confused. “What do you mean?”

“I’m just saying…” Shepard is carefully looking at the right words as Garrus stares. “Some of the team consider you two as an ‘un-official couple’.”

“What!? Why?” Garrus sounds genuinely confused. “Can’t two people just be friends without it being romantic?”

“It can. Just not how you two treat each other.”

Garrus scoffs. “You’re being ridiculous.”

“I’m just saying what the team thinks.” Shepard defends himself. “But let’s be honest. You two constantly flirt with each other.”

“It’s call bantering. Look it up and you know what I means.”

“Does it?” Shepard replies. “I remember something about ‘having a manly time in the shower’.”

Garrus looks a bit flustered. “That was just a joke.”

“I know, I know!” Shepard assures. “I’m just saying, some people may think you two are an item.”

“Well, they’re clearly wrong.”

“Right then.” Shepard is then ready to leave. “Glad we got to talk. Let me get you back with your celebrations.”

Once left alone, Garrus begins thinking about what Shepard has said. He never thought he flirted with Y/N, at least genuinely. Still, he understands that can be interpreted as such. As he thinks further about it, he wonders if Y/N thinks so too.

-

The following day, the crew got to the Citadel. During which, everyone does their own thing. For Garrus, he goes to purgatory. He then sees Y/N hanging out with Liara and Tali. Without hesitation, he joins his friends in the lounge.

“So that’s why you can’t slam Omni-gel to bypass locks or other security systems?” Y/N questions.

“Yes.” Tali replies.

“But… why?”

“I’m not sure.” Tali shrugs. “I personally find it a lot less efficient.”

“You weren’t the only one.” Liara speaks up. “That security upgrade made a lot of people unhappy.”

That’s when Garrus joins in. “Hey.” He sits down beside his best friend. “Again with the rents about the Omni-gel controversy?”

“Yes.” Y/N sounds like it’s obvious. “I just don’t get it. Why would you make something worse, even if it was a massive security risk?”

“Look, you’re asking the wrong people.” Liara replies.

“Aren’t you supposed to be the Shadow Broker or something?” Tali points out.

“Just because I know what goes around 99% of the universe, which doesn’t mean I know everything.”

As Liara and Tali further chat, Garrus stares at the human man. Looking at him, he thinks about what Shepard has said. Maybe he should settle down while he still got the chance? And it’s not like he settles with someone he doesn’t like. After all, any day now, either he or Y/N can die, so they might as well make the most of it.

“Y/N.” The human looks back at his friend. “So, uh… you come to places like this often? Because, well, I don’t, but maybe I would if… um, if you were here.”

Y/N blinks a few times. “What?”

Garrus clears his throat. “I-I meant, you come here often?”

“Not really. Only to hang out with friends, but that’s it.” Y/N answers. “Just not a fan of music blasting my ears of.”

“I agree. I imagine people only come here to wish to become deaf.” Y/N raises his eyebrow, with Garrus becoming a bit flustered. “Not that I think you want to become deaf. You probably love your ears. I mean, I love mine. Uhh… the ears I got, not the ears humans got… yeah, sounds right…”

“O-kay?”

-

Y/N notices ever since that day, Garrus has been acting odd. Whenever he tries to be fun or nice, the Turian stutters and fumbles through his words. While Y/N knows his friend doesn’t mean any harm, he can imagine a stranger to think he’s a weirdo.

With another day living means another day training. Thus, getting in the hanger, Y/N is wearing his workout clothes, revealing his big muscles. Usually doing with Garrus, he sees his sparring partner.

“Nice outfit. It, uh, really accentuates… um, you know, everything.” As Garrus checks out his best friend, Y/N raises an eyebrow. “Not that I’m looking at everything, but—yeah. You get it.”

“I don’t?”

“Uhh…” Garrus awkwardly looks away. “Let’s just spar.”

On the mats, the two begin exchanging blows. While Y/N is training hard as usual, Garrus is holding himself back. The human isn’t sure why, but he doesn’t question it.

“Nice one. I mean, you’ve got… great form. Not that I was looking at it like that, but, uh… good muscles. Or… coordination. You know.”

“Thanks?” Y/N sounds a bit confused. Feeling a bit uncomfortable, he begins to mess around a bit. “There is more where these muscles come from.”

“I bet. I mean in the sense of strength, not the sexual attraction thing. …Not that I’m saying you’re not attractive. Uhh… I mean…”

Y/N then stops and just stares at his best friend. “Alright, you’ve been acting weird for days. What’s wrong?”

“There is nothing wrong.” Garrus replies.

“Is isn’t? Because whenever we talk, you don’t know how to have a decent conversation.” Y/N clarifies. “Did I do something wrong?”

“No! You didn’t do anything.”

“Then did you do something?”

“…Not necessarily.”

Y/N groans. “Can you stop being so cryptic and just say what’s wrong?”

After some hesitation, Garrus speaks up. “Fine. Shepard told me other people view us as an… well… a couple.”

“Oh. Okay.” Y/N casually says.

Garrus looks dazed. “Okay? What do you mean ‘okay’?”

“It means I don’t really care about what other people think about us.” Y/N stated. “Does it bother you?”

“No. Not really.” Garrus replies.

“Good. Then why are you acting weird?”

“Uhh…” Garrus looks hesitant again. “I’ve been thinking about it. We… we would be a good couple.”

Y/N smirks. “You want to become a couple?”

“Yes, no, uhh…” Garrus feels a bit embarrassed. “What do you want?”

“I think we would be a great couple if you want to. Is that what you want?”

“…Is that what you want?”

“Stop avoiding my question.”

Garrus sighs, having no choice but to answer. Still, he doesn’t have the guts to fully admit it. “I would like that…”

Y/N smirks. Without shame, he walks over to his partner in love to kiss his partner. Garrus in return, remains frozen. It doesn’t take long before the human pulls back.

“And?”

“Your lips feel nice. Kinda wishes I had lips.” As Garrus looks at his partner, he looks a bit awkward. “So… your waist looks really supportive.”

Instead of finding it weird, Y/N laughs it off. “Yeah, we need to work on your flirting skills.”

[ichigo-plasma]

Helping Haruka Sakurai With Assignments For His Degree Headcanons

On the menu: university AU, Haruka lies about his age (because he’s insecure about being help back when he was a kid), fluff, Haruka is codependent but he wants to try his best to do well

A/N: In this AU you can imagine Haruka working to get any degree, maybe he is already done his bachelors and getting his Master’s, etc. whatever makes you comfy with the dynamic! :]

Haruka who sits across from you at the library, chewing nervously on his pen as he stares at his math textbook like it’s written in an alien language. His knee bounces under the table, and he finally looks up at you with wide, pleading eyes. “Y-Y/N… I-I don’t g-get this at all…”

Haruka who is working toward both his degree, but the road has been rough. He was held back a few years, making him older than most of his classmates, but he keeps that a secret—lying about his age so he doesn’t stand out. “E-Everyone thinks I’m t-the same age as them… i-it’s b-better that way…” he told you once you got to know him better and he realized you wouldn’t judge him.

Haruka who genuinely tries to understand the material but just can’t wrap his head around complex equations or scientific formulas. His head drops onto the table with a soft thud, and he groans. “M-My brain doesn’t w-work like this…” His voice is muffled, his frustration evident.

Haruka who clings to your every word as you patiently explain the homework to him. His eyes stay locked onto your face, not even glancing at the textbook, because watching you talk is somehow easier than trying to read the problems himself. “Y-You’re so smart, Y/N… I-I don’t get how you j-just know all this stuff…”

Haruka who starts relying on you a little too much—texting you at odd hours with panicked messages about assignments he forgot were due, showing up at your dorm with his laptop and a desperate look in his eyes. “C-Can I… s-stay and study with you? P-Please? I-I promise I’ll be quiet… I-I just… c-can’t focus when you’re not h-here…”

Haruka who despite struggling in most of his subjects, absolutely excels in art. His sketches are breathtaking, filled with emotion and precision, a stark contrast to his sloppy math notes. “A-Art is d-different… It’s the o-only thing that m-makes sense…” he admits shyly, gripping his pencil like it’s the only thing keeping him sane.

Haruka who slowly starts looking forward to study sessions not because of the homework, but because it means spending time with you. His fingers twitch when you lean over to check his work, and his breath catches when your hands accidentally brush. “Y-Y/N… I-I think… I-I study better w-when you’re close…” he mumbles, cheeks burning.

Haruka who in his weakest moments, wonders if he’s just dragging you down. If you’d be better off tutoring someone who isn’t struggling so much. But then you praise him—tell him he’s improving, that you believe in him—and his heart clenches painfully. “Y-You really think I c-can do this…?” he whispers, voice fragile.

Haruka who when he finally solves a difficult problem on his own, lights up like an excited puppy. His whole body tenses before he turns to you with wide, shining eyes. “I-I did it…! Y/N, I-I actually d-did it!!” He practically vibrates with excitement, resisting the urge to throw himself at you in celebration.

Haruka who realizes that maybe, just maybe, school isn’t completely unbearable… as long as you’re by his side. 

[oacest]

My thoughts on the audio are that I genuinely cannot come up with a sane explanation. I don't think Liam was necessarily in the studio but he has to be talking about him, right? Like IDK there was some visual effect or whatever, literally who else could be the cunt Noel doesn't want to see. Beyond which I am not a proper scholar so please let me know if I'm way off base but I have an extended divorce theory that goes:

2009: Breakup, they're both big mad for a minute

201?-2012: They are texting and like, sending their kids to the same school. possibly the most normal they've ever been.

2013-2015: Liam blows his entire life up and is extremely sad about the consequences of his own actions. I saw actual video footage of Noel saying that he's shocked beady eye broke up and he's actually sweet about it and tells Liam not to give up? who is this man. anyway while Liam will later claim Noel wasn't there for him during the divorce but as a general rule they're much nicer about each other when they're divorcing other people. this is where I become extremely conspiratorial because at some point they had to get the documentary off the ground and a second, more personal breakup is clearly going down around this time. I believe in their ability to deeply wound each other by playing cryptic telephone through the press but I think it genuinely makes more sense if they were actually talking, perhaps about a potential reunion.

2016-2020: supersonic documentary and also (coincidentally?) the apocalypse. Liam launches his solo career, Noel hates it and is pretty relentlessly mean about it and about Liam more generally. we are gearing up for the kind of tweeting/podcast commenting where you call your brother your ex-wife. I think this is also when Noel decides to drag Molly into it for some reason. Liam says publicly that he thinks Noel was waiting for him to hit rock bottom so he could be magnanimous about saving him. whether he thinks this because of something concrete noel did or said or because he's liam is a mystery. the Anais incident goes down, the vogue article comes out. we are never ever getting back together for real this time. noel says a bunch of normal and well adjusted stuff about how he wants Liam to die in a self driving car crash with Donald Trump and seeing his face makes him want to shoot up a MacDonalds.

2020-2022: the pandemic saves oasis. I'm serious. they're both stuck sitting at home with nothing to distract them from themselves and think of brighter days. apparently being trapped in a house with noel is genuinely so unbearable that Sara calls it quits (in the matter of Sara v. Noel I'm on her side). presumably this was cause for at least some self reflection. divorce is a lonely and difficult experience, sara and liam seem to legit hate each other in a way that would be a barrier to reconciliation (in the matter of Sara v. Liam I am also on her side but less so bcs she didn't get trapped in a house with him). at the same time Liam pulls off Knebworth 2022, demonstrating he can handle big events without headcasing (and without noel, and he will be doing those big events solo or otherwise). at this point I genuinely think it was just a matter of time before we were back, baybeee! let's hope they can keep it together.

bro your brain is so huge and deeply wrinkled, profoundly agree with all of this. why you on anon when your opinions are so correct and you could be sharing them with us directly tbh 👀.

but yeah, 100% covid saved oasis lmao. noel's divorce saved oasis. noel's miserable midlife crisis (ongoing) saved oasis 🥰🥰🥰. and it juuuuuust really seems like all those insane highs and lows that went on publicly in the media between them over the years probably, or at least quite possibly, had irl personal catalysts rather than just a general holdover of ill will from the 2000s. there are so many random little times one or both of them casually mentioned they were in contact, and any one of those instances can be disregarded, but when considered in retrospect from a collective standpoint..... AWFULLY DAMNING!!!

lots more to say about all of this actually, every point you've made is legit af and could be expounded upon for a hundred years, but it's midnight and im coming down with a flu (punishment for some kind of hubris im sure), so. thank you for all of this and goodnight 🙏

[joeloverture]

whist i get what you are saying about confederate flag, why is it deemed completely okay to write about joel saying that he would have fucked his 15 year old daughter given the chance. this isn’t trying to be hateful, i’m just genuinely curious

okay hi! thank you for being sane about this and actually approaching from a place of wanting to widen your scope. id direct you to @whataperfectwasteoftime for more on the confederate flag stuff. they made a well developed post on that for a much more aggressive version of this ask.

im sure u can guess what’s under the cut so heed any triggers you may have and put u first.

i want to make something clear here that i previously haven’t. i don’t think this fic belonged on tumblr. it’s ambiguous in its TOS whether its actually a violation or not, but since tumblr operates in areas where writing csa is illegal, it was never meant to be here in the first place. ao3? sure. whatever. but this is stirring things up because it was in an unexpected place. tumblr has more rules whereas ao3 is the scarcely contained Wild West of fanfic.

furthermore — i wouldn’t say it’s completely okay. these things have nuance. i read the fic, because I saw something like this coming from down the road considering the fandom climate. i do think the fic was stylistically written in a way that was self aware of the characters mutual destruction of each other. i also think it was intentionally inflammatory in some ways. however, everything was adequately tagged. people were free to move on if it caused discomfort, which i also want to make clear is a normal feeling. whether it be interacting with eroticized fanfiction or fiction in general, it is an inherently uncomfortable feeling sometimes! it’s up to us to determine what agitates our personal limits. i don’t think others should be held responsible for our consumption. what joel said in that fic was repulsive. it was meant to be! i also want to reiterate here that darkfic isn’t for me. dark fiction, though? that’s my shit — and i don’t mean dark romance or a little life, but the same theory can apply to those.

if we begin to crack down on eroticized fanfiction, the terminology they use will bleed into other areas of literature. suddenly the language used to describe a minor in an erotic work (and trust me, the thought of this does nauseate me — emphasis on this not being for me) is forbidden in a work that is raising awareness or telling a story. these may seem like far jumps, but loopholes like this exist everywhere in the law. it is why worries about rights to privacy emerged during roe v wade. especially with the right, famously laden with pedos and their enablers, they will pretend to be protecting people by silencing any dubious erotic work, then trans and queer voices (notice how they are constantly called pedos), and then real csa stories will be suppressed so they can get away with more.

id direct you to a pending law in tx, in which any obscene depiction of a minor or someone who looks like one. (senate bill 20)

big win, right?

nope. it’s far too up to interpretation at the prosecutorial level. scotus actually deemed this unconstitutional in 2003.

it is legal to marry a child in texas. these lawmakers use fiction as their scapegoat to avoid the moral consequences of actions they participate in. laws like this may start at the level of, say, anime or manga. but it very rapidly will spread to appropriate television, art, etc that depicts trans and queer people. and even beyond that.

i worry where this goes. if we don’t speak up now, who will speak up for us when they come for us? because they will.

additionally, fiction ≠ reality. this is an important distinction. fiction can be a powerful tool to explore what we fear, what we have experienced, and what we wish would happen. i cannot police what others do. only what i write and how i respond to their words.

[dunmeshi-darlings]

eeee i love your writing!!! could i get chilchuck comforting a crying reader (who's normally very bubbly and happy)? Bonus if they're crying bc they think their feelings for chilchuck are unrequited 🫣

Thank you kindly dear anon, i hope your day is going well and that you have rested well and ate well.

Chilchuck was never good with emotions, both his and other peoples. He kept his own emotions hidden so as not to appear vulnerable. And when it came to other peoples emotions he was fine with the positive ones...but quickly became awkward when things turn negative.

In fact he might be the worst (well second worst possibly) when it comes to dealing with emotional issues. So when he walks in and sees you crying he freezes up like a deer caught in the headlights. Its such a foreign sight to him he wasnt even sure if he was seeing it right.

You have always been such a bright cheery person, No matter the situation you were always the one that had the biggest grin across your face telling everyone its going to be ok, to not give up and push on. That was one of the things chilchuck liked about you the most, even if he would talk about how a situation was impossible or that it was to dangerousm you were always the one reassuring him that things were going to be ok. He never said it but it really meant alot to him, usually he would just ignore it or blow it off but he knows deep down it helps him more than he lets on.

He stares at you sobbing, wide eyed for a few moments before quickly making his way over to you. "WOAH woah hey Y/N hey hey its ok! its ok, whats wrong are you hurt?"

He says quickly sitting down beside you putting an arm around you instinctually. He normally isnt one to get physical when it came to comforting people but it was just something he did before he even realized he was doing it.

"Im fine...im just stupid..a stupid stupid idiot...an idiot that should have known better" You said through tears before breaking into sobs again, chilchuck looked around awkwardly before pulling you into him to cry, he sat there patting your back trying to comfort you as best he could. patting your back and repeatedly saying it was ok softly.

Eventually when you finally manage to calm down he wipes away some tears from your face before speaking up. "Now tell me whats going on? what do you mean know beter?" You want to tell him the truth, it had been eating you alive for days and days now. But tonight you realized what the actual truth was, and it was to much and broke you to pieces, it was a truth you had tried to ignore but couldnt and it broke your very being. You dont want to tell anyone about it, let alone him...but you know he wont let you hide away and pretend like this wasnt happening. so you take a deep breath and speak.

"im sorry chilchuck...i know this is going to make you feel awkward...and i know..i know you dont feel the same way.....but i like you, i REALLY like you...i care about you more than anyone else. and i know its stupid and i should just get over it but...it hurts.." you admit to him, not even looking at him, With how you feel right now your sure you wouldnt want him seeing your face right now. He didnt say anything, he only stared wide eyed at you. You should have known this was how he was going to react, you know how he felt about inter group relationships so you know he wouldnt want any part of being with you. However your miserable thoughts were interrupted as he pulled you into a tight hug.

"hey dont talk like that...if there is anyone here thats an idiot its me. I do care about you, I really do. You mean alot more to me than you realize, and you help me stay sane down here." He says squeezing you tight, you sniffle softly as you cant believe what your hearing. "Im not great with emotions...both dealing with other people and my own. Whenever you would be so positive and cheery it would make me genuinely happy, but i didnt want to get to attached so id play it off or something but genuinely you have helped me so much down here. I also have....other reasons on why im so hesitant to show emotions that im not ready to talk about just yet...but i do care about you...in fact i think i might like you the same way you like me. I just struggle being open about things you know? i should have been honest with you and open about my feelings back...that way you wouldnt have to deal with this. Im sorry, But to make it up to you, once we rescue falin and leave the dungeon why dont i take you to dinner?"

You couldnt believe what you were hearing, he had feelings for you to?! you couldnt believe it, you could feel yourself hugging him close as you smiled into his shoulder. "That sounds great, id love to."

[hobunaga]

UPDATED VERSION, thank you @guzhufuren for the additional info!!!

my friend wanted me to make a chart of, Meet you at the Blossom, characters and what their relationship is. Now I don't know everything, I don't even know if I got the names correct but I hope this clarifies a little what is going on here.

here are some clarifications(careful, spoilers)

Xiaobao's parents: Xiaobao's dad found Xiaobao's mom wandering around town one day and assumed she was the daughter of a wealthy family and had lived a really sheltered life(she is). He got her drunk, they slept together and he took responsibility by marrying her and taking care of her.

Tong'en: Now I don't know for sure if she loved any of the men that I attached her to, but they were in love with her so I kinda just added it in case her feelings were genuine or if she was only doing what she had to to survive. The only person I can confirm she truly cared for is Zongzheng Qiyuan and they had a brotherly and sisterly bond only.

Xue Xiaoyu: Now ya'll might be wondering why she has a red line towards Xiaobao and it's kinda given that she has a big crush on him. Her cousin however is his true love so I think she'll put on her big girl pants eventually and move on. Her brother is Xue Lianyu, Xiaobao's best friend. She is also the cousin of Huai'en.

Que Siming and Jinbao: They have 2 names cause in the extra I read, they had changed their names at least once. Jinbao was originally known as Wang Erhu and Que Siming was called Yue Siming. Que Siming was most likely adopted by the doctor whom was caring for him after his father was sentenced for treason and Jinbao was sold to Xiaobao at a young age.

Jinbao and Zhao Cai and Que Siming: Similar to the Xiaobao, Su Yin, and Huai'en jealousy trope, Que Siming's jealousy is mainly centered around Jinbao and Zhao Cai's relationship. Now I don't know if Jinbao has a thing for Zhao Cai, but Jinbao maybe masturbated to Zhao Cai once??? or Zhao Cai ran into him while he was masturbating??? I don't know... if someone can interpret this scene let me know because English is not my first language.

Zhao Cai and Medicine Girl: In Jinbao's side story, Jinbao Marries a Wife, it was stated that Zhao Cai was in a heated relationship with this medicine girl and frequently went out to see her during the time Xiaobao was still sick with the cold needle poison. I don't know if they end up together at the end but it was the only relationship that was mentioned in the story for him.

Shaoyu and Su Yin: So apparently there is a one sided interest in their interactions according to the awe inspiring @guzhufuren . When I read it, I wasn't sure how to exactly interpret their relationship but I can see it now that Shaoyu is just as obsessive and possessive as his older brother is. Good luck getting away, Su Yin!

Shaoyu and Huai'en: Half brothers with a somewhat refreshing ending in the live action that hints that there is a possibility of them bonding later in the future. Now I'm not sure which woman mothered Shaoyu, but I'm going to assume it's the ex empress which makes them half-brothers(well Tong'en only birthed one child so it's a given). Now usually if the mother loses the favor of the emperor to even be demoted out of being empress, that must mean that it heavily affects Shaoyu's standing as crown prince as well. Luckily no other princes were mentioned so it's more likely that Huai'en won't compete for the throne and Shaoyu will still inherit it.

The Zongzhen 4 brothers: Now they're just fucking insane and the only sane one is Zongzhen Qiyuan. Even the emperor is a little cuckoo but hey, that's what stress does to you right? They need to sit down, relax, and chill a little. I'm so glad two of them greatly support Huai'en's decisions.

ps: I'm sorry if I got the names wrong or I didn't name a few of the characters. Either way, I think this is the relationship chart?

[xasafi]

First of all...

Hell yeah! TSC will have two books (and most likely two POVs - Jean's obviously, and it seems like Jeremy's POV is also confirmed!) YES!

Now, onto the... other stuff Nora posted.

"TSC1 has made me sadder than all 3 books of aftg" Ouch. How am I supposed to survive this?!

"but he needs to be an autumn baby, fall is for dying things" Yo, what the fuck Nora? WHAT. THE. FUCK.

It seems like TSC will indeed explore the relationship between Neil and Jean and I couldn't be happier! This is all I wanted (well, this and Jerejean but we all know which one was more likely to happen...)

Also, Jeaneil had been making-out in the Nest in previous drafts before Nora realized Neil is ace? Wow. Okay, okay. I'm fine.

Spicy scenes in TSC2? Um. I have mixed feelings about this, tbh.

"if yall were genuinely sane you wouldn't have liked aftg yes???" Well, yes. That is correct.

We got a short description of Andreil from Jean's POV?! Dreams do come true, thank you Nora.

Andrew is the older twin apparently. I kinda liked the idea that Aaron was the older one but honestly, it fits.

In most drafts Neil kissed Andrew first? Oh, wow. This is interesting.

Nora said once again that to her Andreil are versatile in bed. Yes, yes. We love to see it.

Andrew's future without Neil would have been "empty & meaningless". Oh god... I'm so glad they found each other and were able to stay together because holy fuck.

Neil would totally buy all the Fox merchandise. Yup, that's our #1 Foxes fan.

Andreil learning Russian or ASL together? My heart.

Nora claims that she would only do small changes in extra content... Does this mean no Jerejean? :(

Andrew used to hook-up with Renee after sparring in previous drafts before Nora made him gay?! WTF. Nope, I'm not even gonna acknowledge that. I didn't see it, this is not true, nope. NOPE.

"one day ppl will learn to stop asking me questions" I'm afraid we won't, even if we don't always like the answers.

Soo...

Can the spring come faster?

[jks1uv]

𝑊ℎ𝑒𝑛 𝐿𝑖𝑓𝑒 𝐺𝑖𝑣𝑒𝑠 𝑌𝑜𝑢 𝐿𝑢𝑙𝑢𝑙𝑒𝑚𝑜𝑛

summary: lululemon is expensive but does it make your boyfriend’s pockets hurt?

pairing: gf!fem!reader x bf!jeon jungkook | gf!fem!reader x bf!dick grayson | gf!fem!reader x bf!jason todd | gf!fem!reader x bf!re4remake!leon kennedy | gf!fem!reader x bf!re3remake!carlos oliveira

trope: established relationship.

genre: fluff + romance + a bit of comedy.

warnings‼️: these are my personal hc’s, i am in no way claiming that this is how they act + crude language + suggestive (kissing w some touching) + WHATS ALLAT MOVEMENT BACK DERE⁉️oh that’s just reader’s bodacious bakery 😛 + lululemon’s prices 😟

random disclaimerrr: the most random thought i’ve ever had oat. so unserious lmaoo 😭 like the song came on in the car & i was like ykw hell yeah. i’m so obsessed w that whim whamie song bro omg these boys would most def put sum lulu on that butt 🤭 happy reading! ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ ♡ © 2025 @jks1uv

jeon jungkook

• “put some lulu on this butt. that lululemonnnn~!”

• it’s just a song lyric, you’re just singing along to it. he knows that. but he also knows those black flare leggings you have in your closet make you look so toned and snatched.

• he thinks lululemon is an amazing brand (you wear those flared leggings one time and he loses his mind).

• jungkook is so down. “let’s go.” he says suddenly.

• you pause your carplay, wanting to hear what he said. “what, babe?”

• “let’s go put some lulu on that azz, ma.” he winks suggestively, wiggling his eyebrows at you.

• “oh hell no. never say or do that again.” you’re… disturbed to say the least.

• he pouts. “but i was just thinking about getting you in a new lululemon set. i have the bucks, too.”

• you’re not a huge lululemon fan, you just bought the leggings because they were on sale for far cheaper than the original price and they just happened to be cute, comfy, and stretchy. not to mention you look good in em.

• “they’re so unreasonably expensive, though. it’s not worth it.” you shake off his generous offer but he insists.

• “it’s really no biggy. i’ll pay, babe, pleaseee?” his eyes are all big and shiny, like puppy eyes.

• “i cannot believe you’re willing to spend so much money. on lululemon of all brands.”

• your boyfriend isn’t crazy about spending money but if he likes the quality, he’s game.

• he shrugs nonchalantly. “i know but my girl deserves the best! and i’m pretty sure your closet needs some well-deserved additions, so.” he smiles and you involuntarily melt.

• that smile. that damn megawatt, ultra fine, colgate white strips smile will always make you soft for him.

• “if you say so…” you’re unsure, you feel bad.

• $118 for a zip-up jacket is in no ideal world, sane. but you know jungkook is going to buy everything you look at for more than 3 seconds. he’d buy the whole damn store for you so, you indulge him.

• what jungkook wants, jungkook gets. and if what he wants is for his girlfriend to get a lululemon set then that’s what he’ll get!

dick grayson

• it’s been 7 minutes since the last tiktok video you’ve scrolled past and the 7th time dick hears that lululemon bar.

• seven, seven he thinks.

• coincidence? maybe. but he’s sure it isn’t when you pause the video and go to what he knows is your shopping cart for the 7th time since the audio plays from your phone.

• he deeply inhales, having indulged in this game for long enough.

• “alright. let’s go.” he stands and grabs his keys, making you question his motives.

• “where are we going?” you’re genuinely confused.

• “to lululemon.” he says as a matter of fact-ly.

• you’re pleasantly surprised. “oh, okay… well, it’s not exactly a walk in the park.” you’re implying the many people who go crazy over the brand and don’t care about the price. it goes without saying that the store is also huge, which means there’s a 99% chance you’ll go in for one thing and come out with 10 other things.

• but your boyfriend just smirks and flashes his black card at you. “i know, which is why i have this.”

• the light shining off it almost makes you momentarily blind.

• “shiiit, don’t have to tell me twice!”

• dick laughs and shakes his head at your behavior but he loves this. he loves having an infinite money glitch. he loves having his money spent because it’s well-spent on you.

• you can now confidently say that 777 is your lucky number.

jason todd

• it’s your birthday and what better way to celebrate than taking a trip to the mall?

• jason’s carrying your bags, all 3 of them. he asserted that he’ll carry the bags, no matter how many or how heavy.

• you tried to argue with him but he just got in your face and tilted his head to the side as if he didn’t hear you. all while maintaining eye contact and stealthily retrieving your things.

• “you’re unbelievable.” you say it from a place of amazement and disbelief at his ability to make you silently oblige without feeling bad.

• “and you’re beautiful.” he winks.

• y’all have been at this mall for 20 minutes and their things that you needed, anyway. until you see a big orange poster plastered on the glass wall of lululemon screaming “25% OFF. BUY 1, GET 1 50% OFF!” in bold black lettering.

• your boyfriend doesn’t live under a rock, he knows what lululemon is. he also knows they’re really fucking expensive for no reason.

• but it’s the look of interest on your face that gets him. it’s the question of “wanna look inside?” that’s on the tip of your tongue.

• only for you he sighs internally.

• “you wanna go?”

• you turn head to him, your eyes wide in excitement but an underlying sense of unease.

• “but it’s so—”

• “expensive, i know. but you’re worth it.” he softly explains.

• you sigh, feeling grateful and content. “what did i do to deserve you.”

• he smiles, a light pink cloud dusting his cheeks. “regardless, you have me.”

• he presses a quick kiss to your head, taking you by the hand and leading the way.

leon kennedy (re 4 remake)

• “pretty skirt.” leon murmurs.

• you look down and notice what he means. “thank you.” you smile shyly.

• he thumbs the material, rubbing it between the pad of his thumb and index finger. “where’d you get it from?”

• “lululemon.” you murmur, feeling hyper aware of how closely you can feel his body heat.

• “lulu…lemon?” he tries. what kind of name is that? he wondered.

• you can’t help but laugh at his confusion. “yes, leon. it’s a store for athletic wear.”

• he nods, suddenly interested in this “lululemon”.

• “so, what else do they have?”

• “well, they have compression shirts and shorts, zip up jackets. they have skirts, flared and regular leggings, sports bras and tank tops. basically everything.”

• while you’re talking, leon is daydreaming of you in more of their sportswear. he’d buy you this same skirt you have on in every available color. he’d get you matching sets if possible. he’s thinking about how good you’d look in these “flared leggings” that you speak of when you call out for him.

• “leon? are you listening?”

• “hm? yeah i’m listening, babe don’t worry.” he kisses your temple to hide the giddy smile on his lips.

• his hand find your thighs and he squeezes affectionately, not so sneakily setting his palm flat on the skin just shy of the hem.

• your breath catches in your throat at the contact.

• “what’re you doing?” you whisper.

• he just smiles lazily, leaning over to kiss you.

• leon kennedy is a man of simple taste but nothing about that skirt is simple. he knows that. but for his special girl, everything is too simple or not up to your standards.

• he can tell this skirt is of high quality and is on the pricier side.

• he pulls away, leaving you breathless momentarily. “if i get you more of these lululemon outfits, will you try ‘em on for me?”

• you titter gently, not believing your boyfriend. “leon, lululemon isn’t exactly affordable.”

• he shakes his head, his hair moving like soft waves. “it is for me. i promise.”

• you give him a look that says “you really don’t have to” but he looks back and sends a message of “i want to, so let me”.

• the things you do for love.

carlos oliveira (re 3 remake)

• “okay, which one?” you’re holding up two sets; one’s a sky blue a zip up jacket and skirt and the other one’s a baby pink zip up sports bra with biker shorts.

• he squints his eyes, trying to visualize them on you but can’t. he’d rather see the real thing.

• “try ‘em on, i can’t tell this way.”

• “yeah, you’re right.” you nod.

• it takes you a few minutes to put the first fit together and when you do, you love what you see.

• you come out with a sure smile on your face.

• “what do you think?”

• carlos looks up and he’s gone. his lips part a little and a sharp breath escapes the confines of his suddenly dry mouth.

• “fuck.” he just says.

• his reaction fuels your confidence. “that good, huh?” you tease.

• “do a lil spin for me.” he gestures with an index finger making an imaginary circle and he stands up.

• you humor him. you make a slow 360, taking your time on rotating your body.

• meanwhile he’s eating it up. carlos lives to see you in your element, to know you’re feeling yourself. it’s a turn on.

• when you finally face him, he’s all but there. he’s spacing out and you know it.

• “you can’t be serious right now.” you chuckle lightly.

• he smiles and looks down, raising his hands up in surrender. “i’m sorry you just look so good.”

• you look down and admire yourself. “that i do.”

• he walks you back into the dressing room, you tumble back but his hand on your back catches you.

• “what are you doing!” you whisper yell.

• the hellish smirk on his face tells you exactly what he’s planning on doing but really? in a dressing room?

• y’all are the only two back there, surprisingly, but still.

• “we are not fucking in here.” you deadpan as he locks the door.

• carlos thinks that’s funny. he laughs. “relax, sweetheart. we’re not doin’ none of that.”

• so he agrees.

• carlos backs you up against the mirror and cages you in. he zips down your jacket tantalizingly slow.

• “i just want a private a fashion show.” he mutters next to your ear, kissing the skin under your lobe.

• your breath catches. you ground yourself by gripping his bicep.

• “you gonna give it to me?” the double entendre doesn’t go unheard but you digress.

“yes.” you sigh as he kisses you fervently, reeling you into his warmth.

• chop chop babe, GQ awaits your arrival!

[hoshis-wave]

7. voices in my head

🎬 CUT TO: A JUMP SCARE (wc: ~600)

you didn’t know jeonghan was being serious when he told you that he’d make this last-minute meeting a bit more…professional. his reinforcements? well first there’s joshua, who you haven’t seen since university (which is basically a few days in memory but has been YEARS for future-you); he seems to now be committed to living the corporate nepo baby dream by doing anything he wants (something past/current-you spends a second lamenting on, joshua always seemed to want more than just that for himself).

“…shua!” you say, a bit delayed—after processing he’s actually here. “you’re acting like you’ve seen a ghost, yn,” joshua smirks. naturally you reply, “i mean i haven’t seen you since uni,” “did you seriously forget me being at you’re going away party when you moved overseas. i gave you the LA recs,” joshua gapes.

which catches you off guard. within this whole time travel debacle, you have been able to have a general consciousness of what future-you has experienced [in some inexplicable way]. this was not in your memory. joshua ended in the same part of the timeline where jeonghan had likewise ended.

“i was just testing you,” you try and recover, which joshua laughs at but earns a side eye from jeonghan.

luckily you’re saved by hansol, who is apparently jeonghan’s intern.

“oh yeah, you’re here, nice to finally meet you,” he simply says.

you laugh at that. “finally?”

“i mean, jeonghan hyung has mentioned you before all this,” hansol casually replies as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world—which makes your heart clench. it’s supposed to have been many, many years (and with that) lives lived since your breakup. for some reason, the way vernon brings this up makes you feel finally sane for knowing what it’s like to be dating jeonghan just the other day.

the next thing hansol says, however, sends alarms to your head.

“and weren’t you at that film festival this past year?”

which seems normal enough, aside from the fact that’s never happened. no film festival exists in that memory, and that’s certainly something you wouldn’t forget.

so all you can do is ask, posing as a joke, “and how exactly do you know this?” innocent enough to hopefully gain some answers.

this intern seems to be really straightforward, not really taking it as a joke but rather as something sincere. “oh i mean it’s on your SNS.”

a post you don’t remember suddenly exists on your instagram. after the constant stalking you’ve done on your future self, you know this did post never existed—the past few days you’ve been in this timeline. you so desperately want to freak the fuck out because genuinely what was going on, but you don’t want to risk anymore oddities????

so all you can do is laugh it off in the most convincing way possible. which was virtually impossible, you’ve never been good at acting. hansol is looking terribly confused right now (you could only imagine how far off you are from whatever concoction of you jeonghan has put in his mind).

“you’re acting funny,” jeonghan says with no real emotion at all, something just matter-of-fact. which you dramatically frown at in annoyance and also a bit of fear he’s sensing something is actually off…even though it is a fact.

you could’ve sworn it was there for a second, but the look on his face was like he saw something…saw the real you. the young you. simply just how you were with him. a simple look of fondness, the look you were used to seeing before all this…you saw it for a fleeting minute.

𝟏𝟑 𝐠𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐧 𝟑𝟎 ᯓ★

୨ৎ synopsis: one day you're 19, and the next you wake up as your 29 y/o self. the older version of yourself seems to have it all: the best friends ever, a well-traveled life, and a dream job (@ pledis magazine) with an upcoming interview with a hot-shot director that's set to break the internet. the catch? the interview is with your ex yoon jeonghan (or...your younger self's current boyfriend. this time travel stuff is confusing)! a second life/chance/etc. that's different from your original timeline has now come to you, what will you decide?

୨ৎ a/n: SORRY I'VE BEEN MIA!!!! posted this as my mac got those lines on the display im PRESSED i think i have no storage -_- still grinding out recruiting szn UGH but things are improving a bit :') i hope...anyways pace is picking up like lots of things revealed????!!!! yay! also I APOLOGIZE IF ANY TYPOS THIS WAS RUSHED if i forgot u, pls remind me if ure on the taglist!!!! it's been a min </3 as always pls share ur thoughts. thanks for ur patience loveliessss

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