hoshis-wave - Tumblr blog

hoshis-wave · 7 days ago

Text

5. how to be good enough

𝟏𝟑 𝐠𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐧 𝟑𝟎 ᯓ★ (written part below! wc: 2.0k)

location one: joshua’s apartment

/// “before the moment's gone

number one party anthem, yeah, yeah

the look of love, the rush of blood

the "she's with me" is the gallic shrug”

- no. 1 party anthem

Jeonghan had anticipated this moment for several weeks, or instead, plotting. Yet he could not find the courage to make this moment he’d imagined a reality—the moment where he finally talks to you.

Who is that girl?: the question that appears repeatedly and inevitably catapults into a free fall towards love. Jeonghan asked Joshua this when they went to some random campus event, to which his best friend casually gave your name, writing you off as his classmate and a generally sweet girl. Joshua pointedly adds that you run in the same crowd as their friends, being at the same parties and events as Jeonghan; why is he suddenly realizing your presence now?

Jeonghan doesn’t have a clear answer. He doesn’t know if it’s because of something as trivial as you standing in his periphery or because he’s suddenly ready to take something (or a specific someone) seriously for the first time in his life. Perhaps this moment was engraved in time, a lightning bolt realization to Jeonghan that could only happen now. To him, your laugh from a distance was the missing note to his lifelong composition; your face was the one he didn’t know he was searching for his entire life. Recognizing your presence brought memories and emotions he didn’t realize he had lost until now.

You didn’t demand attention—instead, it naturally came to you. You weren’t the loudest in the room, but your presence was beautifully loud to him. There was something about you that Jeonghan desired, every trite declaration of love at first sight. He felt a natural pull towards your presence that radiated sincerity, charm, and depth—sealing the red string altogether.

He curses himself for being so blind—it feels as if everything has been set up so perfectly for the both of you: running in the same circles, his best friend sharing a class with you, and you simply being there in front of him. Joshua wishes he could say he was surprised when his scheming best friend tasked him with getting to know you so that he can eventually create the ‘perfect meet cute for your first official introduction (at a housewarming party Joshua had no intentions of ever hosting. but hey, free presents! Jeonghan convinced).

So here Jeonghan was, searching for an ounce of strength (if he even had it in him) to retain the nonchalant charmer reputation he’d built up this past year in university. How have you managed to crack him without ever talking to him? He endearingly curses the moments in your past lives that led to his pathetic, lovesick behavior.

As the dutiful best friend, Joshua seems to have noticed this, meeting Jeonghan at the wall he’d claimed that night.

“I seriously hope you’re not discrediting all my hard work by fumbling, Jeonghan,” Joshua says.

“I just need it to get this right, Shua,” Jeonghan sighs.

“Let's see where that gets you,” Joshua mumbles, leaving his friend to his anxieties.

Jeonghan then believed in the power of divine timing, which he found in the form of his best friend. You were left to your own devices after Joshua pulled away the three guys who always seemed to be by your side at all times. At an initial glance, you’re comfortable with the solitude you found on Joshua's balcony, but with the way Jeonghan had been practically studying you these past few weeks, he knew this was the time to swoop in.

He doesn’t know how, but he found the strength to head towards you, moving easily despite his newfound anxiety. He’s internally asking himself how you’ve managed to creep up on him like this, but all questions and hesitations suddenly dissipate when he meets your eyes, which immediately soften.

“It's quiet out here,” Jeonghan remarks, to which he cringes and suddenly regrets this entire plan that he realized he didn’t plan out????? Of course, all he could say was the most obvious—

You laugh. But you laughed! You’re smiling up at him now, raising an eyebrow that seemingly indicates that you know something Jeonghan can’t put his finger on…

“I realized how much I missed the quiet once my friends went missing, conveniently with our beloved Joshua,” you replied.

“Funny how that works,” Jeonghan laughs, trying to save himself from his painfully obvious intentions. “needed a break from the noise,”

“Really? You’ve been glued to the wall for most of the night, which is a pretty decent break from the typical noise, I’m guessing,”

“So you've been paying attention to me?” Jeonghan asks, with it coming off less cool than he’d like to admit, feeling like a schoolboy all over again.

You’ve always found this kind of vulnerability endearing, never knowing it’d be found in the source of Yoon Jeonghan.

You ignore his question, simply smiling down at your feet before looking back up again at him,

“It's nice to talk to you officially. Instead of those stolen glances,” you softly add.

He knew then he would never be the same.

That is, without you.

location two: flying rabbit cafe

/// “i've been spending the last eight months

thinking all love ever does

is break and burn, and end

but on a wednesday in a cafe

i watched it begin again.”

- begin again

The two of you agreed to do something simple and grab coffee as a first date. Truth be told, Jeonghan had wanted to see you as soon as he could, so when you texted in agreement to meet the next day, he couldn’t help but run around his apartment with this sudden burst of joy.

He noticed his behavior change in the most subtle ways: He showed up early, constantly checking the time, not because you were late but because of his anticipation (anxious or excited, he didn’t know for sure). He felt his breath momentarily taken away when you entered the room, an effect he knew you had no idea you held on him.

The conversation was the easiest one Jeonghan has had in all his years. It wasn't an interview where he could easily answer a question or make small talk to pass the time. It was an exploration of everything and anything that went beyond the required mutual FAQs on first dates.

He told you about his childhood room and how, in the present, he sometimes thinks he’s the same 13-year-old kid in his post-sleep haze when the sun shines through his curtain. You told him about the memory boxes you’ve created that host all your sentimental items and trinkets from loved ones over the years. You learned about his schoolboy mischief, with him throwing out his backpack to skip class. He learned about your arduous high school subway commute that cemented sonder as your defining emotion, as you imagined the lives of all the commuters. You learned about his first year of college [with him admitting for the first time to himself or anyone] the self doubt he’s felt for some time. You confided that you share the same struggle at times.

Hours pass, and you both agree it’s time to go home. You both stand outside momentarily, with Jeonghan watching you zip up your jacket. It’s an ordinary moment, but he can’t help but feel that this day was anything but that.

“Do you do this often? Meet people you meet at parties for coffee the next day?” he asks. It's a simple question played off as a joke, but you both know it means more than just that.

“Can’t say this has happened before,” you say with an unreadable look creeping on your face. “but something tells me that this is more than just coffee.”

With the words settling in between the two of you, he walks hand-in-hand with you to your apartment. All he can focus on is the way your eyes squint when you remember something mid-conversation, the way you tuck your hair when you start a sentence, how you roll your eyes but still laugh every time he teases you.

It was a sight he could become used to for the rest of his life.

location three: undergraduate library

/// “no one tried

to read my eyes

no one but you

wish it weren't true”

- no one noticed

Tucked away in a corner on the third floor in the classics section of your university library, your and Jeonghan’s usual study spot. For the past year of your relationship, this spot has witnessed your all-nighters, rants and yap sessions, and your head resting on Jeonghan’s lap when it was time for you to tap out of studying.

Today was no different.

Jeonghan takes the time to study your every move as you continue to focus on your work. Typing away on your keyboard, you seem so sure of yourself. He sees you light up every so often, already knowing it’s because you perfected the syntax of the sentence you were working on. Composed and collected, it seems as if you have it figured out.

In front of Jeonghan is his empty notebook, staring at him as some sort of mockery. He looks down at it, rolling his eyes at how pitifully symbolic this was to him. He scribbles away, drawing lines over and over again as some form of distraction. He continues to repeat this, slowly getting more desperate to find an ounce of motivation or inspiration. You don’t notice this, or at least he thinks you don’t. He’s unsure if he could take a what’s wrong right now, as he doesn’t know the answer himself.

Across from him, your phone buzzes, which you promptly check. It doesn’t even take a second for you to have a smile lit up on your face once you open your phone. You softly laugh to yourself before returning to your work.

Jeonghan shifts in his seat, a lump forming in his throat. For some reason, this moment bothers and sticks with him. Not for reasons like jealousy—he’s secure in trusting you. Instead, it’s the fact that he’s remembered just how brilliant you are…to everyone. You possess authenticity, depth, kindness, and ambition that he never encountered. All it took was a smile that wasn’t for him to believe this. You deserved someone who can inspire her the way she inspires everyone around her. Could he ever measure up?

He thinks back to your first meeting and first date, just how awe-struck he was with you. With you, every day felt like the first day of his life. Being with her was like walking into a room you’ve lived in your whole life and finding a door you’ve never noticed before. She didn’t change the room (or perhaps a certain balcony on a certain day) itself, but suddenly, it felt more significant, more complete, as if everything had the potential to be more than it was before. It wasn’t her making him different—it was her making him see what had always been there, lying waiting. He wasn’t sure if he had done the same for you.

“You’re on a roll today,” he says, wanting to fill the silence that was driving him mad.

You prove his point, jumping at his unsudden comment. You look up at him with your familiar smile. “You could say that. But you know how I am, waiting for the deadlines to come, so I’m forced to enter this zone.”

“You still have it figured out, though,” he responds. Something in his voice tells you it’s more than just a reply, less than a compliment.

“What do you mean?” you ask, slight concern in your voice.

“Nothing, let’s just get back to work,” he hums, dismissing your question before the thought can take root.

You eye Jeonghan for a minute, which causes him to raise his eyebrows at your gaze. He gives you a light kick from under the table to reassure you of your worries, causing you to smile and resume your work.

Jeonghan returns to his notebook, looking at the scribbles that took absolutely no form of anything—not even the kind of abstract that could be passed off as Pollock-esque. Before turning to a new page, a quiet, aching thought takes hold: does she need me?

The root that was there all along.

୨ৎ synopsis: one day you're 19, and the next you wake up as your 29 y/o self. the older version of yourself seems to have it all: the best friends ever, a well-traveled life, and a dream job (@ pledis magazine) with an upcoming interview with a hot-shot director that's set to break the internet. the catch? the interview is with your ex yoon jeonghan (or...your younger self's current boyfriend. this time travel stuff is confusing)! a second life/chance/etc. that's different from your original timeline has now come to you, what will you decide?

୨ৎ a/n: I'M SO SORRY FOR THE LONG WAIT!!!! the holiday season was terribly busy and it was my birthday...conveniently i got super sick for some time and just went to travel to visit family so i go side tracked agh!!! but IM BACK I PROMISE!!!! i decided to add a written portion (which i wrote on my flight home lmao so BEAR W ME), but i did this because i felt like i could not do justice to this storyline with out...so some written parts may pop up here and there! more of jeonghan's pov now, will get yn's soon hehe. i'm sorry again yall but im re-energized and healthy now <333 i hope you all have been doing well!

previous | masterlist | next ୨ৎ taglist: @ilovejungwonandhaechan, @fragmentof-indifference, @onlyjungchan, @ateez-atiny380, @wonwoos-wineparty, @k1eev, @vnstennis, @tacosandbitch, @hipsdofangirl, @kamfaye, @bambispostsblog

#svt smau #seventeen smau #seventeen imagines #seventeen au #seventeen x reader #seventeen series #seventeen fic #jeonghan x reader #jeonghan imagines #jeonghan fluff #jeonghan smau #yoon jeonghan #yoon jeonghan x reader

40 notes · View notes