#they them but i don’t think i want the label nonbinary for some reason

[i-luvsang]

cw : gender confusion ??? just me being confused and unsure what the fuck i want my pronouns to be. kinda vent and i get super long winded in the tags LOL

sometimes i’m all ahhh fuck it they/them bUT I THINK IM JUST SCARED TO MAKE THAT TRANSITION and i know there’s absolutely no pressure and i don’t mind she/they but even that still doesn’t feel quite right ??? the confusion is so real

[webanglikethat]

to every single queer person out there—trans, gay, bi, pan, ace, nonbinary, however you identify—let me just say this: I am so, so fucking sorry. SO, SO, SO FUCKING SORRY. I am furious. I’m pissed off beyond words. english seems like a forgotten skill as I'm typing this. I am so sorry.

we never deserved this. we never fucking deserved this.

I am sorry that you’ve been betrayed like this, that we’ve all been betrayed like this. I’m sorry that SO MANY of our damn votes weren’t counted, like we don’t even matter. like we’re just numbers on a page that they can toss out without a thought. like we can just be erased, as if we do not exist, like we’re puzzle pieces that don’t fit into their perfect picture, so they just throw us out, discarded, like we were never there in the first place. I’m sorry she just conceded, just gave up. left us hanging. just handed us over like we’re some afterthought, like we’re collateral damage in this disgusting twisted fucking game. as if our lives, our rights, everything we fought for, meant nothing. she just rolled over and let us get steamrolled, like we’re just noise, just numbers on a page, just nothing worth fighting for. do they even care that real people, people who trusted her, who put their hopes in her, are being crushed by this? and not only in the US. we ALL believed in her. and ... she ... just ... she was gone. just like that. and we’re the ones who have to pay the price. we’re the ones left with our futures on the line, wondering what rights we’ll have tomorrow, if we’ll even be safe tomorrow. and she just… gave it all up. handed us over to people who are hell-bent on erasing us, who’ve been clear from day one about what they think of us, what they want to take away. how do we even make sense of that? how do we believe in ANYONE? how can you abandon us in the lion's den and yet demand compassion and trust? to trust in the very hands that have left us to bleed, to burn, to fight alone?

we deserve better. we deserved someone who would stand with us when it mattered, who wouldn’t just throw in the towel and walk away when things got tough. we’re not just collateral. we’re not disposable. we’re human beings with lives, with love, with the right to exist without fear. we aren't statistics, diagrams, names forgotten on a wall. we are queer, and we are real. and she ... just left us to face down a nightmare she knows damn well is coming. so how dare they tell us to “keep faith” when they’ve shown us that our lives were never worth the fight to them. we needed someone who would dig in and say, “no, you can’t have them. not now, not ever.” and instead? we were left out in the cold to fend for ourselves. like always. like fucking always. and this isn’t just some political setback for us. this is our lives, our right to exist. we’ve fought and bled and stood through hell just to claim an inch of ground to live openly, to love who we love, and to be who we are. we deserved so much more than empty promises. and we won’t forget this.

right now, it feels like every warning, every fear we’ve had has come to life in the worst way. and let’s be real—what’s next is terrifying. I will not sugarcoat it. rights are going to be stripped away, our existence denied, our safety threatened. trump hasn’t hidden it; he’s promised it. this was supposed to be our home too. but they’re pushing us out, forcing us to hide. so please, if you need to, go back into the closet. change states if that’s what it takes. hell, think about leaving the country if you can, because it’s becoming clear that staying might mean risking everything. you do not owe anyone anything, just think of yourself first. you are your own priority.

and god .. Love. Love—something so pure, something so simple—has been twisted into a reason for others to hate us, to fear us, to hurt us. we were never supposed to be the ones people saw as a “threat.” that label should belong to hatred, to racism, to homophobia, to everything that has poisoned this world. but instead, somehow we are the ones they call dangerous. we are the ones they want to erase. and it’s maddening. what kind of world are we living in, where the fight to just exist is an endless battle? was it not love that led Eve to take that fateful bite, trusting in the bond she shared with Adam? and if love is the foundation upon which humanity was built, how can we be faulted for following its lead? of all the things we could hate, and we chose love.

if this moment feels like it’s too much, if it feels like everything you’ve fought for, every piece of yourself you’ve worked to own, every right, every dream, every bit of safety is collapsing around you -- I get it. I feel it in my bones. it feels like drowning, like being swallowed whole by a storm that never ends. the shore seems so far away. but listen to me: don’t you fucking dare let them break you. don’t let them get that satisfaction. don’t give them that power. we are not here to let monsters erase us. we’re here to outlast every single one of them. we’re here to survive and thrive. we are queer, we are real, we exist, we will continue to exist.

their power, their hatred, their cruelty—it won’t last forever. I know it's difficult to see the light at the end of this tunnel. but they are the ones who don’t belong in a world built on compassion, on love, on freedom. You are the real thing. You are here. You deserve to be here, and you deserve to feel safe, loved, and free.

if you’re feeling like there’s no point anymore, if this all feels like it’s too damn much to take, please just hang on. this fight is brutal, and sometimes it feels like it never ends. but I’m begging you—don’t give up. don’t let them have that final victory. don’t let them silence your voice, your light, your life. scream, cry, punch walls, call someone, reach out, hold on to whatever will keep you here another day, another hour. do whatever you have to do to survive this moment. because you’re needed. we need you. the world needs you.

you might not see it now, but you are a part of something big, something powerful, something they wish they could destroy but never will. you’re part of a legacy of resilience, of love, of defiance against hatred. every queer person, every person who has ever had to stand up against a world that told them they shouldn’t exist, that they should be crucified, erased, beaten up, has carried that legacy forward, passed it down so we could be here. so you could be here. and they did not survive all they did, did not fight, did not sacrifice so much just for us to lose hope. we’re still here because others fought and held on. now, it’s our turn. we owe it to them, to ourselves, to hold on with everything we have, to fight with everything in us.

and one day, I promise you, I truly pinkie promise you, that you’re going to wake up in a world that has moved beyond these hateful voices. one day, you will wake up in a world that sees you, that values you, where you don’t have to fight just to exist. you deserve to live in it, to walk in the sunlight without fear, without shame. they don’t get to take that from you. they don’t get to erase you. they don’t get to win.

this moment is hard. it’s beyond hard. but you, every single one of you, are worth it. you are not alone in this fight. you are surrounded by countless others who feel this too, who know this pain, who are holding on right alongside you.

so please, hold on. you belong, and nothing they do can change that. they cannot snuff out your light. they cannot erase your legacy. they cannot undo the love you were born to spread.

stay. fight like hell. be louder, be prouder, be everything they tell you not to be. because you are worth every ounce of this battle. and we will see the day they’re gone. we will make it through.

we too shall rise from the ashes.

to my queer family, my phoenix.

[certifiedsexed]

i know that this isn’t really a sex question but i wasn’t sure how to put this into google.

i qualify as non-binary person but i really just don’t like to put that label on myself. and i’m not at all against ppl using that label btw!! i just hate using it to describe my gender situation!!

but anyways, practically everyone i’ve met knows my gender situation and just ignores it when i say i’m not nb. i’ve explained so many times that i don’t want to use that label. i’m not rly sure if i’m in the wrong here or something bcuz everyone makes it seem like i am?? ugh idk i just need advice

(btw your blog is so so helpful. i actually did not know what a vagina looked like and how to take care of mine until i found your blog ^_^)

I think this is fine a place to ask, tbh.

I actually qualify as nonbinary too and I don't use that label for myself either! I completely understand what you're talking about.

It's actually rude and inappropriate for people to use nonbinary to describe you when you've openly said you don't like/use that label for yourself. There's actually no reason to be using any gender-related terms for you unless that's what you want so it's very strange people are purposefully using them for you when you've said no.

At the end of the day, it's just disrespectful. If you tell people not to use nonbinary for you and they keep using it, they're being disrespectful. Just because you fit the technical definition of an LGBT+ identity doesn't mean people can force you into it, that's actually none of their business.

My advice is first, if you have another term you prefer over nonbinary, tell people to use that. You don't even have to mention how they call you nonbinary.

If they keep calling you nonbinary, tell them you don't want to talk to them if they're going to be disrespectful about your identity. Tell them that they're hurting your feelings.

This is a situation where you might have to take some space. With anyone involved in this who you can, avoid them if they are not going to identify you correctly.

I can't guarantee that will help but I can guarantee this is a situation where people who are there for you, people who are your friends are going to respect your identity.

I hope it works out well, Anon. And I'm so glad you've found the blog helpful omg! <33 Let me know if you have anymore questions.

[dissociationdude]

MEET THE ARTIST - 24TH EDITION

Hi everyone, my name is Milos, and I felt it was time for a new introduction. 

I’m a 24 year old neurodivergent nonbinary queer multimedia expressionist artist. 

Wow, a lot of labels I know! I just feel these are the most important ones for me.

I’m based in Ontario, Canada.

My work is a very personal part of me. I use art for therapeutic reasons most of the time, and the expressionism is a very important aspect of that. Most of the time I do not think of the final product of what I am making, just focus on what I’m feeling while I create and evoking those emotions with my art. I have a lot of work based on traumatic events, but the reason for these creations was never to evoke the feelings of being alone, unwanted, etcetera; they were created to make the viewers who deal with the same emotions to feel less alone in those things. It is for those who have survived trauma to know it’s hard to have that trauma and carry it, and there is safe spaces to put it down. My art is aiming to be a safe place to survivors who are struggling, to provide a place to weep, to provide a place to be seen. Many of my works are graphic, talking about the trauma I went through in ways others find grotesque. And to that I say: Why should I have to carry something so grotesque, alone? Why can’t I put it down somewhere, and put the appropriate context warnings? My work is not to promote the grotesque in a way that is profiting, but to show that this is what some people endure in life. I want to be allowed to show my darkest vulnerabilities with my art, because I shouldn’t have to feel shame for what others have done to me, and nobody else should hold onto shame caused by others harming them, in my eyes. My work is a conversation starter about how trauma manifests in people. I want it to be that way. Other times, my work is very bright, happy, storytelling. It depends on what I’m going for in the respect of the piece being about the trauma events, or the trauma recovery. I basically just make a lot of work based on different trauma. I tend to pull inspiration from musicians I like as well. Many people knew me for my Crywank album series, I did art for almost every song of every album they have made. 

I always want to evoke emotion with colour and narrative, and I do that with various tools. Digitally I work on an iPad Pro 4th gen 12.9 inch and an Apple Pencil that I bought used off a friend. I also have a Wacom bamboo tablet for my computer and when I use adobe products for university. I have a variety of magazines, books, paper, that I use for collage works. I often paint with acrylic paint on canvas for paintings, but sometimes wood boards as well. When I work in sketchbooks they’re usually max size 5x7inches for travel purposes, but my pencil case is huge and loaded with supplies. I always have a bag of words handy for collage poetry.

I am really not into talking about myself in regards to my personality, but I feel like I’m a very anxious but always trying their best kind of guy. I don't have other socials I'm sharing on because I have grown to hate social media. I don’t really do much for work aside from lawn care because my disabilities, but I am in university full time pursuing to be an art therapist, and I’m doing my best to adapt to living in a safe, non traumatizing environment. 

Thanks for enjoying my art in the process of me learning to love myself fully, and accept my trauma. 

Love to everyone,

Milos / Dissociationdude 

[wordslikesilver]

Seeing the discourse lately on transmisogyny and coming across new terms like tme and tma being used more than I think I’ve ever seen before because of everything going on had me uneasy, not gonna lie, I always do when I find new terminology from the alphabet mafia because I’m thinking to myself oh boy, more stuff to explain to cis people. Looked into it, it all seems pretty reasonable to me tho for including nonbinary femmes and femme intersex people I’ve sorta just always by default assumed “Trans Femme” was really good given the whole “it’s a spectrum and transmisogyny by definition is talking about the people on the femme side of it who didn’t start there” so admittedly I’ll probably be a grump about changing my vocab soon.

But then I see some new shit in the wake of all this TERF nonsense and bigotry being used against trans women? Detransitioned cis women calling themselves trans women and saying WE don’t understand the concept of gender well? The audacity? Look, changing the labels of a community to be less offensive is something I support so loudly and love and adore. This isn’t that. This is people encroaching on our pride and our identities and pretending the flag we nobly fly, the icon of bravery and unifying love in the face of oppression that it is, isn’t clearly “ours” enough. That it’s something they’re allowed to say belongs to them too so we need to come up with something new to call ourselves when we discuss the pain we face in our lives. Erasing and rewording the definitions of who we are til our identity is gone altogether. Moving the goal posts and telling us to teach everyone a whole new set of labels when the average layman still doesn’t even know that “Cis” isn’t a fucking slur, let alone what it means. Never forget that at your core when you fight against this new bigotry and they try to dance circles around you with their words and misdirect the conversation to stupid shit. Alienation from an already unified identity is a classic means of making it so much fucking harder for the oppressed to have their pleas for basic rights be acknowledged. Never let your people’s pain be silenced by someone pretending to they’re too stupid to know who you’re talking about.

To the TERFs and bigots who find this, and I fucking hope you find this, Trans Woman is not yours to fucking claim just because “gender is a construct and complicated” you will NEVER know the pain people like me have been through. I refuse to acknowledge a claim on my people’s identity because someone managed to misunderstand a concept hard enough and it’s now snowballed into a new form of complicating discussions of deserving basic and equal rights. I have felt the pains a cis woman has felt, I have felt sexist and awful treatment from men, I have been catcalled, I have been stalked, I have been made unsafe, I have been expected to be a mother for no other reason than “all women want them one day” and I have been assumed to be less than a man for some imagined frailty of the fairer sex. I am a woman. We can share that label, I WANT to share that label. We can bond over sapphic love and feminine experiences and hardships we both suffer under a cruel patriarchy. In just the same way, I have never known the pain of period cramps. I don’t have a vagina. I will never have a pregnancy scare and I will never feel the side effects of birth control. I wasn’t catcalled by gross men walking home when I was in high school. I was never sexualized by the media when I was in middle school the way cis girls would see happen to them. I am NOT a cis woman and I will never be one. I grew up as a boy, I lived and I loved as a young man, I saw the world through masculine eyes and was raised being treated as one, I will never pretend I know what it’s like to be a young girl being preyed upon and used by an older man. I will never touch that label because it’s simply not correct at the most fundamental level. I am a trans woman and that made me who I am. After all the people I’ve met and all the experiences I’ve shared, it took time to be so proud of calling myself a trans woman. Holding up the sky would’ve taken less strength of the heart, but now I feel the deepest pride knowing I’ve done something inconceivably harder.

But you, you people cannot take that from me and my sisters. I draw the fucking line at saying you think you have the slightest notion of what it’s like to be transfeminine. To be born in a body that makes people see you as a man from the very first glance, to hear you wrong from the first whisper of your voice. To spend the rest of your life working tirelessly in a fight against your own biology and/or the perception of the entire world whenever it casts its ugly eye upon you. Some of us don’t even have the privilege of fighting those perceptions or the things or own bodies have been programmed to force on us. Some of us don’t even want to have to do anything about how we look because it’s bullshit to have to fight for that basic respect from our peers in the first place and their standards just don’t align with who we are deep down in the first place! Gender is complicated but this isn’t. Have you EVER held your breath in the women’s public washroom and tucked your feet in because you were scared you’d make other women uncomfortable, because you’re not sure if you’re in an accepting space? FEARED what might happen if you step into the women’s change room to put on a bathing suit or your work clothes? Have you EVER been threatened with physical violence and called slurs in front of your own mother on public transit? Have you ever had to tell your doctor you’re ready to drop out of school to show how “sure” (re: fucking desperate) you are to be prescribed HRT? Sure, lots of cis women are on HRT, I treat them as patients all the time. Have you ever had a hot flash at the age of 21 because you were late on your injection? Did you pierce your skin with thin metal once a week for years and years to get the breasts you have? Did your body do irreparable things to your bones and your voice that make it so no one will ever see you as a woman at first glance without thousands of hours of effort, of tears, of sheer fucking focus and fixation on achieving the ideal self you see in your mind and dream of being one day? DID YOU HAVE TO BEG YOUR GOVERNMENT TO LET YOU HAVE THE BODY YOU LITERALLY ALREADY HAD AT BIRTH OR DID THEY NEVER EVEN SO MUCH AS TRY TO GET IN THE WAY OF JUST BEING CALLED MISS ON YOUR GOD DAMN LICENSE? Cis women can’t even begin to imagine the feelings I have felt, building my wings of feather and bones and wax, day after day, dreaming of flying beside my sisters who were born with wings they’ll never fear will melt, all the while remembering the last time someone born in a body like mine flew too close to the sun. Maybe they’ll perhaps know what it’s like to bind them to their back and hide them beneath their shirt, maybe they’ll even have sheered and ripped the bones from their sockets and one day wish they could have them back and sing with the rest of the angels like they used to, but they will NEVER fly on wings like mine, fear the heat from the light that makes life worth living the way I do, fear the same slings and arrows screaming up through the air from down below and even at times from above my head to let me know loud and clear they wanna knock me outta this sky, this sky that’s so beautiful and holy I cry when I touch it, the very first chance they get.

Transphobia won’t ever take the sky from me. My Icarian Wings are made on the foundation of generation after generation of my people who dreamed and yearned to touch the sunlight blue skies and the infinite glittering nights, each of us telling each other, telling ourselves we’ll never fear the light again one day, lifting each other when we fall, soaring higher each time than the ones whose wax melted before we could save them could, warmly teaching each other how to fix our broken wings and freely gifting each other the love it takes to make them stronger for the next flight. Holding each others hands as we dance and show each other how to fly, hand in hand and heart in heart with the angels who call us sister angels. A cis woman having the audacity to flap her never melting wings and saying hers are just like mine, that the name of my people is just a construct so she can say she she’s just like Icarus too, makes me wanna vomit. Pretending she knows what it’s like to watch in terror as all the feathers fall out suddenly in a moment of weakness making her break her bones upon the rocks, listening to everyone around her say “I knew it, I knew his wings were fake, look at him crawl along the ground in the dirt and the mud where he belongs.” Pretending that if two people both have skin, even of a different colour, that since the labels are made up, the sun and society itself will surely treat them the same if the white one calls themselves black.

Transphobia won’t ever take the sky from me. Come and fucking try to take these wings from me and see what happens.

[whyalesbianstakingtestosterone]

It’s like I’ve always seen lesbian as non men loving non men. It’s not about how they present it matters that they aren’t men

Other post for context

To be honest idk anymore.

I am nonbinary and trans masc myself and I call myself a lesbian and sometimes the imposter syndrome gets to me, that I can’t be a lesbian… or that I am not really a trans masc if I am one.

I just… I think I believe in people calling themselves whatever label makes them feel comfortable. You won’t change it anyway???? Seriously let’s be real. If someone wants to call themselves (insert anything here), what will you do to change it? Nothing. And does it hurt anyone? No.

A trans man lesbian? Go for it dude. Trans men got a different experience than cis men anyways and they are inherently queer. Trans men butches exist yeah? If you’re a trans man and you don’t want to be included in lesbianism? Also valid. I am happy to call you a straight/bi/pan man.

And i think that queerness should defy gender and societal norms in general. The definitions shouldn’t be set in some fucking monolith. I’ll never understand people playing some fucking queer police, telling people what they can and can’t do. Your experience isn’t the one and only that is right and it doesn’t mean that it should be the definition. Like Bitch?!

Maybe I am wrong. Sue me. I just think we should let people do their thing.

And like don’t get me wrong. Not everyone has to be into everything. If you wouldn’t feel comfortable being with me if I am a trans masc lesbian, just tell me politely and I’ll say fine. I won’t be mad. I understand that someone could not be attracted to me for different reasons. It can be my personality, looks, or whatever else I have going on. Just don’t fucking attack me and bully me. I just would like you to accept me and let me live my unique and personal experience without making me feel like I am fucking crazy.

[nerves-nebula]

yeah the thing is my gender feelings are also very weird. it's like.... I do not know if I experience dysphoria or what even is going on there but the other day I mentioned I wanted to cut my hair even shorter to someone and they went "oh yeah, like a pixie cut!" and I immediately started crying because in my brain the thought process went pixie cut = feminine term for short hair = I will never make this person Understand or be seen as properly my gender (which is rich because??? I don't understand it either) so we were both just standing there upset and confused. and the thing!!!! the thing about that is THAT I WAS REALLY REALLY SURE I WAS A CIS WOMAN!!! and I think I still kind of am??? because I'm definitely not a man and "nonbinary" doesn't quite cut it either And I don't want to transition but also every time I get called a girl or a woman or a daughter I'm internally like "ok... but unless?" but any pronouns besides she/her feel wrong to me. ok that's a lie I could use multiple sets of pronouns but it's integral that she is one of them.

and the thing is that if I did attempt to transition it would feel weird to me because I don't want to change my body (besides tossing the boobs) but I'd like it if I was seen as masculine more and I know that with how i currently present that is never going to happen. and I like my way of presenting too but I don't like how it's read by other people. but if I was read as just a man that would be weird too. It's like... I'm never going to be able to get someone to see me as my correct gender BECAUSE I DO NOT KNOW MY GENDER. ok sorry I'm done. and I know that cis people question their gender too but I don't think I'm cis anymore and. well. do I sound insane

Lotta ground to cover here uhhh

If I was you I’d ask why nonbinary doesn’t cut it. What do you think nonbinary is? Do you think it’s a single identity? Bi-gender and agender can both be nonbinary and are basically opposites. Some people identify as nonbinary women because they’re women who fall outside normative ways of gender expression (there are many other reasons you could consider yourself a nonbinary woman too of course, like being multi gender, but that’s an example) So I wouldn’t throw out nonbinary so fast.

More to the point though I think labels aren’t as important as doing whatever you want forever. Make your body how you want it and the rest can follow. You can be and identify as a cis woman while having top surgery (I think I just reblogged a comic about that) and short hair and a masculine vibe. You could be butch. You could be feminine the way men are or masculine the way women are.

However there’s a lot of stuff here I can’t help you with. Like, I can’t tell if you’re dismissing some of the options here out of genuine disinterest or an internalized fear that you’re ��not allowed” or “not supposed” to do or be certain a way

I can’t tell if you’d feel “weird” being read as a man because you don’t have any interest in that or because you’re not sure if it’s ok to be a woman who looks like that. Which is why i can’t really advise you over anon lol. This is like a two hour conversation type thing

I'd like it if I was seen as masculine more and I know that with how i currently present that is never going to happen. and I like my way of presenting too but I don't like how it's read by other people.

This is interesting cuz I’ve never been one for dressing to appease other people, but some people are happier dressing to communicate their identity to others. So I guess either you change to be read as what you want or accept people being wrong about you. Go with whichever makes you feel the best I’d say

As for this:

I'm never going to be able to get someone to see me as my correct gender BECAUSE I DO NOT KNOW MY GENDER.

I really can’t help you there. I know my gender but I’m nonbinary so no one will ever see me and recognize my gender. There’s no passing for me so i don’t really care about that anymore. Sorry

[disventure-rewrite-takes]

for when u get back:

I'd make Jaiden t4t. bc that would be pretty rad and also it would be nice to have a canon trans character that isn't the skinny white twink named Aiden

like don't get me wrong, I know tguys like Aiden, I know tguys called Aiden, but like. the very stereotypical trans guy being the Only trans character period is. weird. i don't like it.

also while I'm here... let's see... Gabby, Alec, Rosa, Lake, Grett and Kai. All trans. Also also we should have a canon nonbinary and/or genderfluid or bigender character. gimme enbies who use multiple sets of pronouns pretty please!

like if ONC are going to claim that like half the characters were super intended to be LGBTQ and have pride posts filled with a bunch of characters they 100% just. decided were queer for brownie points so the posts would have more than 4 characters... then we might as well go all the way!

- 👽

YES TO ALL OF THIS!!!

jaiden being t4t would solve every issue in the world ever i think . make this canon ONC pls.. actually dont bc you’ll fuck it up horribly. keep your hands off trans james.

i’m glad you think, just like me, that they announced some of the cast as queer just for people to call them progressive and praise them. i’m fine with having a few characters not mention their queer identity and still be queer - i’m basically doing this with my own original story - because it can sometimes get exhausting to hear everyone outright stating their identity. it’s not in-character for everyone.

but when you have over half the cast never mention or show queerness then they just appear in the pride posts... red flag. trevek is a MAJOR example of fan service and stuff like this: they had zero chemistry, derek was always a dick to trevor, and now, somehow, for some reason, trevor is in love with derek AND we have a SECOND LOVE TRIANGLE. another few examples: huntessally never got together and never once mentioned queerness despite being set up to do both, and guess what? they’re portrayed in official art always together, with bi and pan flags respectively, despite never ever mentioning anything. karol was there for 0.2 seconds, but ONC realized they don’t have enough lesbians and forgot about trans and aspec people and decided to make her a lesbian. dan was probably made asexual just because his color scheme is purple, and emily is “part of the LGBT community” because the majority of fans hc-ed her that way so god forbid they are let down. they didn’t even tell us if she had a specific label, was unlabelled, or simply labelled herself as queer. what a slap in the face.

if you want to represent queer people, do it well. do your research. don’t make your characters gasp at the mention of a trans person (seriously what the FUCK). don’t include a kissing challenge because romance-repulsed/touch-repulsed people and/or aspec people simply could not do it. if you want to have a stereotypical queer character, that’s fine as long they have a personality outside of it and there is at least another character with the same label who does not adhere to the norm.

[boy-gender]

hey love ur blog! idk if you have anything for this but im questioning my gender rn and i feel like some mix of a guy and agender or nonbinary (so im thinking demiboy maybe) (im afab) but i also kinda sorta feel like a girl sometimes but only like a tiny tiny bit. and only sometimes. and every time i feel like a girl i also feel like a guy at the same time. idk my gender crisis only started like a week ago (i’ve had others in the past but this is my worst so far) so i’m scared i’m faking it or it’s a phase and i just want the aesthetic of being a guy or something. idk totally fine if you don’t wanna answer this cuz ik you’re not an advice blog or anything but i js thought you might be a good place to ask

There's no such thing as faking a gender, unless you are doing it intentionally. If you arent purposely, knowingly, choosing to lie, then it's not fake. Gender is confusing and multifaceted and contradictory and not static. It changes throughout a life, and as quickly as hour to hour. Just because your gender shifts around and you dont always know how to keep track of it doesnt make it fake- it makes it what gender is. A qualia. A subjective experience. There are 8 billion people on this planet, so there are 8 billion unique genders, even if most people tend to use the same handful of words to approximate their feelings.

If demiboy feels like a label that fits you, try it out! You can always change it again later. Maybe youre genderfluid. Maybe youre agender. Maybe youre genderqueer. There is no limit to how many times or how often you can change your understanding of yourself, or how you describe it.

Also, id like to throw this out there, not just for you but also because ive seen many newly trans or questioning people echo this: "im not really trans im fetishizing being trans" is straight up not a thing. Do you see trans people as people? Congrats, you have not dehumanized trans people the way negative fetishization requires. Thinking you want to relabel or explore your gender based on aesthetics is fine! a lot of gender IS aesthetic! Thats not a "lesser" or "wrong" or "shallow" reason. Aesthetics matter to people. Aesthetics influence gender presentation. Anyone accusing you of faking being trans or saying your reasons for calling yourself trans are bad/wrong/not enough? That's a transmedicalist scumbag and you go put their opinion in the garbage and then block them.

I cant tell you what you are. I cannot diagnose you with genders. Only you can tell you who you are, and it's okay to not know, or to change it. I would recommend instead of asking outsiders, ask yourself. Sit with it. Examine it from different angles. Rotate gender in your mind, if you will. What words are you drawn to? What kind of body would you want to have? What aesthetics matter to you? Amongst what groups of peers are you most comfortable, and why? What about gender makes you decidedly uncomfortable? You don't need to know all those answers now or soon or even ever, but they can be places to start.

Ultimately the opinion of anyone who *isnt you* isnt worth jack shit in this regard. You gotta spend some time with it and decide for yourself. And there is no wrong decision; there's only yourself in progress.

[multiplicity-positivity]

Something our system has been struggling with- especially me- is how we should describe our systems collective gender. There's cis and trans people of all sorts in here- from a cis man like me, all the way to a doggirl or things that defy gender entirely. Before we were a system, we used the label of nonbinary, and... I don't know. It doesn't quite fit right- at least, not on me. After all, I'm a cis man in an afab body...

I just fear that if we go without a label to describe what we are, we won't be taken seriously, and peers will see it as an invitation to only use she/her, or they/them. Do you, or your community, have any advice regarding this?

hey, the most effective advice we can think of is to wear different pronoun pins depending on who is fronting, and correct those who misgender you in a calm, yet firm, manner. you can buy pronoun pins, or make your own using metal bottle caps, paint, safety pins, and a pair of pliers.

if someone knows your pronouns (meaning you, specifically as a headmate, or your whole system as a collective) and chooses to misgender you or not take your gender identity seriously, that reflects poorly on them, not you. you don’t have to accept being misgendered simply because you are cis, or a headmate, or because genders vary within your system, or because you have a gender identity that is less common in your collective.

some terms that may work for you all as a collective are systemgender/pluralgender (where your genders differ between headmates and collectively there is no one single gender to define everyone), or perhaps genderfluid, meaning your collective gender identity is fluid and changes depending on whoever is fronting. bigender, trigender, and multigender all may work for similar reasons.

also, you definitely do not need to label yourselves in any capacity in order to be taken seriously and have your pronouns respected. refusing to label yourselves or your system is not at all an invitation for others to misgender you. it’s just not. and if others seem to think otherwise, again, that is on them, and is more an indication of their refusal to respect others than it is any sort of failure on your part.

if you choose to remain unlabeled, and someone continues to misgender you, you can simply say “hey, (your name) is fronting right now, and i use he/him pronouns exclusively. you may not have known this about me, so i wanted to let you know. thank you for understanding and respecting my pronouns.”

you don’t have to have a specific or general gender label to do this. no one, labeled or not, cis or trans, individually or collectively, deserves to be misgendered or have their pronouns disregarded.

we hope this helps. best of luck to you all with figuring this out in the future, either with choosing a label, learning to embrace yourselves without a label, finding ways to indicate your pronouns to others, or correcting those who misgender you.

[an0thergl1tch]

Obligatory pronoun/gender sanderssides headcanons because I reflect my transness onto characters I enjoy :

Patton : Ultimate he/him ally. I have a feeling he would be the type to say he doesn’t mind what pronouns are used for him but mainly for the reason he’s afraid to correct people, or he genuinely doesn’t care. I have a feeling he would really enjoy neopronouns and would be like “Thats so cute I want some too!!” (Honestly his color palette matches the demiboy flag which I think also works.)

Roman : Classic he/him himbo, however anything goes when in drag however being called a queen and a princess hits different. Confident as hell in his masculinity there is no toxicity here folks (except when Thomas was extremely closeted but we don’t talk about that.) Call him pretty and he will fall in love with you.

Logan : Honestly gives he/they agender vibes, he is way too emotionally repressed to think about his gender and his pronouns, and he mainly just dosent care. (He does care but if he thinks too hard about it he will have a crisis.) Definitely a jewelry person but is afraid to wear any incase he doesn’t look professional (LET HIM LOOK PRETTYYYY)

Virgil : Classic emo he/they, simply for the reason that the he/theys love him. He gets nervous around labels. This bitch closeted as fuck, but definetly runs a tumblr blog where he’s out and shares depressing dysphoria poetry. Is the bitch that asks janus what the gender of the day is.

Janus : This bitch nonbinary as fuck he even matches the flag. Any pronouns. Says he isn’t trans but giggles when called a pretty lady. When asked I have a feeling he would be like “bitch i have no fucking clue”. Definitely calls himself androgynous because it sounds more sophisticated. Has an identity crisis nightly and LIVES in drag to cope. Definitely catfishes straight dudes at clubs to steal their wallets and get free drinks. When asked the gender of the day he will say a very specific character description. Absolutely tortures Thomas with the idea of another identity crisis.

Remus : Genderqueer vibes (he even matches the flag). Any pronouns, ESPECIALLY neo/xenopronouns. Absolute genderfuck. Gender = HIM from the powerpuff girls. Definetly collects microlabels like pokemon cards because microlabels are cool (same.) Wears every pride pin at once to confuse homophobes. Also goes to clubs to steal people wallets and get free drinks, not by flirting but by pickpocketing them. He and janus go out on bar hopping dates.

[shaftking]

https://www.tumblr.com/queerplatonicpositivity/685095412302036992/i-started-a-new-remote-job-last-week-and-im-the

Can’t believe how many notes this has. Not for nothing, but this person sounds mentally exhausting to work with. I mean, at least they didn’t get offended when their coworkers fumbled with their genderqueer neoprounoun stuff, but I still feel bad for these people who have to deal with this at work. And OP complaining about being lonely in the tags really doesn’t get much sympathy from me bc they actively chose to have these pronouns that most people outside of the internet and leftist college campuses would never have heard of. People have a right not to refer to someone if they don’t want to and they shouldn’t feel bad about that. Pretty sure people like this are the reason behind the anti trans policies being considered tbh.

And a lot of people in the notes are encouraging people to ask for pronouns and introduce themselves with their pronouns, like,,, idk, I feel like if they were really trans, they wouldn’t appreciate that since it seems insulting and performative. People in the notes are also saying this post makes them cry, gives them hope, and reminds them that good people exist. I think you have to be pretty fucking cynical and unstable for a post like this to instill such reactions tbh.

There are trans guys and girls reblogging the post, but I feel like there’s a difference between them and the people like OP who go by MOGAI labels.

This stuff is so cringe tbh and it’s sad the way that trans people have been browbeat and gaslit into thinking or behaving as if people like the OP are the same as trans people.

Tbh with all the stink these people kick up about their dumb neopronouns and their general main character syndrome is probably why the manager sent out a message saying for the coworkers to respect this person’s pronouns, not a genuine acceptance of their identity. I have also made a whole post saying this but the idea of normalizing asking for pronouns does a major disservice to trans people. It often forces a trans person to out themselves or misgender themselves, and gives the impression that they do not pass or are clockable or whatever. Pronouns are intuitive.

And yeah. These people are so squishy about this. Like that one girl who was hysterically crying because the bartender at the gay bar didn’t want to be “educated” about how she and the person she literally referred to as her wife weren’t women. I’m convinced a lot of them get some kind of backwards glee at getting to play act at being oppressed or discriminated against while being coddled and catered to.

Like really where is that study where it says something like trans people feel a kind of pain when they’re misgendered but self identified nonbinary people feel anxiety that they’re not getting what they want. Or something like that.

[gin-juice-tonic]

sorry if this ask is a bit much. but I can’t help but think my reasons for being trans just aren’t Good Enough. why I questioned my gender in the first place compared to everyone else it just seems like a bad reason. Especially considering I was very girly as a kid. but am I really nb or am I just butch? I don’t wanna detransition but what if I was wrong? of course this is probably just because my intrusive thoughts lately have centered around detransition but like what if I really am female?

Well, to start, being girly as a kid doesnt really inherently mean anything one way or another. It just means you enjoyed being girly as a kid.

Labels... are just labels. You arent like, born with them. You pick out some that might help you express yourself and connect with other similar people. They are a tool for you, not something that you have to conform so hard to that you start to like, sacrifice parts of yourself. And you certainly dont need to justify yourself to anyone.

Nonbinary, butch, female, whatever. It doesnt matter. If you transitioned and dont want to detransition, thats the end of the sentence. The only thing you "really are" is you, and if youre happy having transitioned then thats all that matters.

(Not to mention, some people consider "butch" a gender identity all on its own. So "just butch" doesnt inherently mean "cis female" anyhow)

You living your life true to yourself is never "not good enough" or "wrong". Doesn't matter what your reasons are or if other people would think theyre bad. They dont get to decide what you should do.

[greenbergsays]

Okay but I’ve been in this body for forty four years and literally just in the last two months I think I’ve finally figured out my gender. Think being the key word, we’ll see if it sticks. I’m AFAB and just always kinda assumed I was cis cause well, I wasn’t trans. But I realized that I also don’t care about how I’m gendered or pronouned, it’s all eh ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ to me, use what you want. Then I heard someone use the term “gender apathetic” and YES. That’s it, sounds perfect to me. So I’m not cis, trans or some secret third thing, I just don’t care 🤣

I don't really know what I am, except that I don't think I'm cisgendered hence why I've taken on nonbinary. It's a nice umbrella term, like "queer," that says, "who knows but Not That."

I don't even know why it matters to me to understand it at this stage in my life, because I've never actually cared before beyond the stubborn belief that what's between my legs shouldn't dictate anything about my life, including how I'm viewed or treated

[Side note: I have always intensely hated that men will not allow me, an AFAB/fem-presenting person, to hold the door open for them as a courtesy, and my mother has never really understood why I have such a problem with them refusing to walk through said door]

The only reason I can think of on why it matters is I've spent my whole life feeling Othered in one way or another and every time I find a label that explains why I feel a particular way, it settles that part of wounded-teenager-slash-inner-child that's convinced that I'm broken. Because if there's a label, that means a bunch of other people the same way and I'm not alone or weird.

That being said, I've spent more than half my life being Aunt [Dessie] and I can't see that changing to any other title. Like, weirdly, Aunt and Sister and even Daughter don't feel gendered to me, it's part of who I am and if I'm any of those things but my brain sort of slides sideways when I'm referred to as a girl/woman, then...well, then nothing is as cut and dry as everyone wants to make it out to be

idk man, the human brain is just super messy and complicated and the fact that we try to put everyone into boxes when those boxes never fit quite right is just weird and very, very sad

I wish it didn't matter and we could just BE without worrying about having to explain ourselves or face repercussions because we feel This Way instead of That Way

[redheadbigshoes]

I usually do agree that lesbians and straight people don’t have exceptions, and that’s a sign that they’re actually bi, but I want to share a kind of complicated situation that I, a lesbian, am personally in!

My partner is nonbinary, they use all pronouns and I love them so much. He’s not a woman. She’s also not a man. But they’re very masculine, and we’ve had different conversations about how they feel being with a lesbian. Sometimes he feels insecure about not being “woman enough” to be with a lesbian, and I couldn’t find a way to reassure her that she doesn’t need to be a woman for me to be attracted to her and love her. I’ve ended up telling them that they’re my one exception, as that makes them stop worrying as much. But honestly, I don’t feel any reason for them to need to be an exception. They’re nonbinary and that’s enough. Also, sometimes they say they feel sapphic for me and then argue that I can’t feel sapphic for him, which is silly.

Anyway, this isn’t something very deep or in anyway arguing about your recent post, but gender is complicated and I think it’s cool.

I think in this case it isn’t considered an exception, only if you don’t think non-binary people are already included in lesbianism.

When self entitled straight people, lesbians or gays say they have an exception, what they usually mean is that they are attracted to some women (in case of ‘straight’ women and ‘gays’) and some men (in case of ‘lesbians’ and ‘straight’ men).

I feel like sexuality is all about what you perceive someone else or not. If you don’t perceive your partner as a man then that probably means you fit the lesbian label (just using your case as an example).

[butchbarbieagainstterfs]

Thanks for answering my question :)

I think the women wearing dresses, full faces of makeup would be sexist if they started claiming that doing that was inherently tied to being a woman.

What seems sexist to me is also not presentation, but the claim that the difference between men/women is mental, like how is it not sexist to claim that men and women have such differences in the way they think or the way their brain works that the difference between them is that and not just biological sex? How do you find a difference between woman and afab nonbinary without resorting to sexist ideas?

Also there seems to be an assumption that people in general ~feel~ a certain gender, but most people labeled cis dont actually feel/identify as anything unless theyre really into gender roles. I personally dont feel as the gender associated with my sex, i dont have any internal sense of being any gender, so that would remain the same if i was the opposite sex i guess. Which is another reason probably that gender has stopped making sense to me

I don’t want to make assumptions here, only you know your identity, but have you considered the reason you don’t “get”gender and don’t “get” feeling like the gender you were assigned is because you’re agender? Or some other flavour of nonbinary?

Because there are several cis women I know of who will tell you that they very much identify as women and feel like women. There’s even songs from cis women talking about feeling like a woman and what it means to them.

Also: no trans woman I have ever encountered has ever told me she identifies as a woman because she’s feminine. TERFs are lying to you if that is what you’re being told.