#they sold my inheritance. to a church
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i can lift a car up all by myself
#🎶#my post#it's been a rough couple of weeks#i went out to take some pictures today and i drove by my grandparent's house#uhh#they sold the fields. they sold the land that was. in my name#they sold my inheritance. to a church#so there is officially nothing keeping me here anymore#there's something so. hmm. about not recognizing the land you raised from the dead#they're building a *church* on it#i'm. very not okay lol#seven days#i can make it seven days#and then it will have been four years#and then i will only need to make it two days#i may go to mo's earlier than planned#just to be. occupied and safe#documenting a safety action plan on tumblr lol we love to see it
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Alderley House
Hi guys!!
I'm sharing Alderley House. This is the 17th building for my English Collection.
I decorated most of the house, for reference, but with some simple furniture as I found here: https://media.onthemarket.com/properties/629174/doc_0_96.pdf
History of the house: Alderley House is a mid-19th century 23,843 square feet (2,215.1 m2) Grade II listed country house designed by Lewis Vulliamy and built for Robert Blagden Hale in the Cotswold village of Alderley, near Wotton-under-Edge in Gloucestershire, England. It was built on the site of The Lower House, a 17-century manor house built by Sir Matthew Hale, a lawyer. The house is situated immediately to the southwest of St Kenelm's Church. In 2009 it was sold to an American oil executive who restored the house as a private home after 70 years serving as a preparatory school, Rose Hill School.
The Hales of Alderley were a prominent gentry family in the Wotton-under-Edge area of Gloucestershire from the early 17th century to the early 20th century. Alderley, located 2 miles south of Wotton-under-Edge, was home to the Hale family, starting with Robert Hale who built West End House in 1608. Robert's son, Sir Matthew Hale, purchased the manor of Alderley in 1656 and had The Lower House built between 1656 and 1662.
Sir Matthew Hale, a jurist, was raised by a relative and became religiously devout. He lived near St Kenelm's Church and had a right of way granted to his manor house. Sir Matthew Hale resigned as Lord Chief Justice in 1676 due to ill-health and retired to Alderley, passing away the same year. His estate was inherited by his grandchildren, and West End House was bequeathed to his daughter, Mary.
After Sir Matthew Hale's death, The Lower House remained the family seat for over a century until another Matthew Hale rebuilt The Upper House between 1776 and 1780, making it the new family home.
In 1805, Robert Hale Blagden Hale inherited the properties in Alderley, which included The Upper House as the main family residence. In the 1830s, his eldest son, Robert Blagden Hale, chose to set up his independent household at The Lower House due to prevailing Victorian attitudes about the separation of male and female servants. In 1844, he added a new service wing with a distinctive crow-stepped gable designed by Lewis Vulliamy to The Lower House.
After his father's death in 1855, Robert Blagden Hale, who was a Tory MP for West Gloucestershire, inherited the family properties, including Cottles House in West Wiltshire. He resigned as an MP in 1857 and sold Cottles House to focus on becoming a country gentleman. In 1859, he demolished both The Upper House and most of The Lower House to build a new manor house named Alderley House in a fashionable style, designed by Lewis Vulliamy. The new house utilized materials from the demolished structures, including one of the staircases.
Alderley House was constructed with ashlar and a Cotswold stone slate roof, featuring a heron's head motif (the Hale family crest) above Robert Blagden Hale's initials on the entrance porch. The house followed a double-pile plan with rooms facing outwards from a central wall, a design common in country houses from the Restoration period. The total cost of building Alderley House, including decoration, furnishings, and architect's commission, was £16,746 15s 8d, making it a modestly priced country house compared to others of the Victorian period.
For mor information: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alderley_House
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This house fits a 64x64 lot, but I think you can make it a 50x40 if you lose the church, the stables and the service building.
The church is just for pictures purpose and is empty inside.
Hope you like it.
You will need the usual CC I use:
all Felixandre cc
all The Jim
SYB
Anachrosims
Regal Sims
King Falcon railing
The Golden Sanctuary
Cliffou
Dndr recolors
Harrie cc
Tuds
Lili's palace cc
Please enjoy, comment if you like it and share pictures with me if you use my creations!
Follow me on IG: https://www.instagram.com/sims4palaces/
@sims4palaces
Early Access: 07/01/2024
Download: https://www.patreon.com/posts/108520278
#sims 4 architecture#sims 4 build#sims4#sims 4 screenshots#sims4building#sims4play#sims 4 historical#sims4palace#sims 4 royalty#ts4#ts4 download#ts4 gameplay#ts4 simblr#ts4 screenshots#the sims4#sims 4#the sims community#my sims#ts4 legacy#the sims 4#simblr#sims 4 gameplay#sims4life#thesims4#sims4 build
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The Heathers + Veronica Backstories (Pt. 1, Pre-Senior Year)
This post is gonna contain backstories for each of them, because previously I've had them scattered across many different posts, and I wanna have a place where I have a set backstory for each of them because sometimes I forget what I said for them. I'm going to retcon a few things here, either because I forgot what I said originally or I came up with something better, but the basic framework of the events will stay the same.
Also, a lot of this events will overlap, so I'm gonna try and do my best to give a unique, and in some cases more detailed, viewpoint of the same events
Just a fair warning, this is gonna be long, like really long. If you wanna read it all in one sitting make sure you have some time on your hands
Heather Chandler
TW: Religion/Religious Trauma/Child Abuse/Child Neglect/SA/Bullying (This is Chandler's backstory, you should already know this isn't gonna be pretty)
She was born on February 24th, 200X
Her mother came from a rich but very fundamentalist traditionalist religious family, and was essentially sold off to her husband when she turned 18 in exchange for a hefty sum of money
Her father came from a long line of successful businessmen, most of whom were in the steel industry
He was the head of his own steel company, bringing in millions in revenue each year
She's actually a descendant of Andrew Carnegie, with her father's company being a offshoot of the Carnegie Steel Company, breaking off after ol' Trustbuster Teddy broke it apart
Her father wanted a boy to continue the family line, as he also came from a rather traditional family and so the thought of a woman inheriting the family company was unthinkable
You can imagine he was enraged when out came Heather, definitely not a boy
He foolishly believed that he would have a son, despite the doctors telling him several times that the child would be a girl, saying that God would not curse him with a daughter
He was so enraged that he had to be forcibly removed from the room before he hurt someone or himself
So Chandler's life was off to a great start
Things didn't get much better
She was left alone often, with her mother and father arguing daily, which only increased once it was found that her mother could not have any more children
They both turned to religion to help them cope
Her mother prayed that she would be saved from this hell and given the chance to make up for whatever sin she committed that caused her to be given this lot in life
Of course God never answered, and depressed and bitter she turned to the bottle to soothe her sorrows
Her father went to the priest at his church and asked for forgiveness for whatever sin he committed that cursed him with a daughter, and while there he met a nice young Christian Lady and you can imagine how that went
9 Months later Chandler's half-brother was born
From that day on Chandler's father was largely absent from her life, spending most of his time with his Mistress and 'real' son
Her mother wanted nothing to do with Chandler, only doing the bare minimum to keep her alive
Nothing much changed as she grew older and began to walk and talk
Chandler learned from a very young age to not bother mommy or she would hit her, with her fists or a bottle or whatever else she had on hand
Her father wasn't much better, only coming to home in drunken fits of rage, yelling at both her and her mother about how they were disappointments and curses that God placed upon him for some sin and that they ruined his life, during which her mother would do nothing to shield her from her father's wrath
When her mother did bother to interact with her, it was to reprimand her for any minute flaw she could find
Wether that be that she wasn't standing straight enough, or that she was talking wrong or even that she was breathing too loudly
Chandler learned to be a proper young lady at threat of violence
Her mother waited eagerly for the day that Chandler would be old enough for daycare and would not be her problem anymore, at least for most of the time
When dropping her off her mother reminded her that if she acted up there. would. be. consequences. before speeding off
She did like her mother taught her, heading into daycare with her head held high and her back straight
She was surprised at how friendly the teacher was, but she didn't let her guard down, knowing that at any moment the facade could fade away
She was informed that she was going to be sitting with two other girls named Heather
Internalizing the lessons her mother beat into her, she carried herself with a sense of grace and superiority as he headed to the assigned table
She first laid eyes on another girl in red, not really looking at her
She seemed to be staring at a girl in a unicorn sweater across the room, Chandler guessed that probably she wanted to sit with her but she was placed with her and the other Heather, probably because of their names
She then looked at the other girl and was immediately awestruck
Dressed in all yellow and covered in freckles, she was the cutest person she had ever seen, and a strange feeling developed in her chest
She had no idea what it was, but the desire to be her friend was overwhelming, so she turned to her, striking up a simple conversation about their shared name
The girl in yellow looked at her with surprise before quickly replying
She talked extremely quickly and wouldn't make eye contact with her which Chandler found a little strange, but she quickly brushed that aside
They did everything together that day, playing, drawing, they even put their cots next to each other while they napped, and Chandler realized that Mac, as she had come to call her, was her best friend, and she would do anything for her
That philosophy was put to the test when some boys named Kurt and Ram harassed Mac, touching her and trying to get her to play with them, and she was crying and trying to get away but they kept getting closer
Remembering the last time her father came over and her mother threatened to 'kick him in the balls' while motioning towards the area where his legs met, she ran over and planted her foot in Ram's area after a fast kick, before repeating that action with Kurt
She then took Mac over to a secluded corner of daycare while she cried
Eventually the teacher came over and asked what happened, and Chandler lied through her teeth, telling her that she was helping Mac after some boys were being mean to her, and that they were lying about her hitting them
Luckily for them the teacher believed the well behaved girl helping her crying friend over two boys and so she didn't get into trouble
When her mother came to pick her up she asked if she made any friends, and when she told her about Mac she became enraged, saying that of course out of everyone she had to make friends with the r-word and while Chandler didn't know what that meant and wanted to argue and defend her new friend, she knew it would only make it worse for her
But in her mind, she vowed that no matter what her mother said or did, she would never abandon Mac
She stayed true to that vow, despite the abuse she suffered at the hands of her mother, despite the screaming from her father or even the taunts from the other kids who saw Mac as different
As she moved from daycare to Kindergarten to elementary school and beyond, her and Mac were outcasts
No one wanted to be around Mac, who cried at the drop of a hat, who would never shut up about her interests, who would interrupt class constantly, and neither did anyone want to be around the weird girl who hung around her
Chandler had learned Mac was 'autistic' and that meant her brain worked differently from her's or most other people's, but she just couldn't understand why other people were mean to her because of it
All she knew was that she had to defend Mac, because Mac couldn't stand up for herself
But despite all of the bullying and abuse, they shared a few fond memories from the younger parts of their lives
Mac's Dad took them to the movie theater to see a movie called Frozen, which they absolutely loved
They dressed as Anna and Elsa for Halloween the following year (Mac was Anna, Chandler was Elsa) and they got a bunch of Frozen dolls and various toys for Christmas
Frozen became a comfort movie for them, whenever one of them was stressed or upset they would put it in to help them calm down
**Line break bc Word count**
Chandler's mother left her at Mac's place a lot, thankful to have someone who would look after her so she didn't have to
I'll get more into it in the Mac section, but Mac's dad would watch over Chandler, really just glad that someone wanted to be friends with his daughter
As her and Mac moved into middle school, their treatment at the hands of the other kids went from exclusion to harassment
They were called names in the halls, things were thrown at them, their things were stolen, it was just a bad time all around
All that Chandler could to to shield Mac from all of it was making herself the target of ridicule instead
She started to act up, get in trouble, act a fool, anything she could think to draw attention towards herself and away from Mac
And if someone said or did something to Mac in spite of her efforts?
Then she would beat their ass, just like her mother did to her
Of course with all the trouble she was getting in she was suspended multiple times, and each and every time her mother yelled at her and beat her, but in Chandler's mind it was worth it, people were realizing that Mac wasn't the easy target everyone thought she was and were moving on to easier targets, people like Martha Dumptruck, Hucklebetty Finn and Tom Sawyer
Despite this, she knew that it wouldn't work forever and that it wasn't sustainable
Besides, it was awful to get yelled at and beaten and harassed
She needed to find a different way, some way to be outside of the cyclone of bullshit, or maybe some way to be above it
That's when an idea struck and she came up with an idea
The summer before they started high school, Chandler went over to Mac's house and told her the plan
They were gonna be popular
They were gonna study the latest fashion trends and practice makeup to look their best, become friends with the right people and practice just ignoring everyone who said something to them instead of reacting
It didn't matter if they weren't popular yet, the mere projection of status would make most people back off and think they were above them
And for the people who still bothered them after all that, if they didn't give them a reaction they would eventually get bored and find someone else
Mac, albeit reluctantly, agreed to her plan, and they began studying up on looking good
They ran into a few problems early on
The main one was that they didn't know anybody, and those who did know them knew them as losers, meaning they needed to find somebody with connections who could introduce them to the right people
After a bit of searching, they found someone who more than exceeded their needs
Heather Duke was head of the yearbook at Westerberg Middle and was entering the club in high school, so she already had contacts there, and those people also had a wide variety of contacts
Plus, Chandler knew Duke was also a loser with no friends, having abandoned Dumptruck a while back, and would probably love the chance to be above it all
Duke jumped at the opportunity to finally escape the hells of loserdom, readily giving away information to her new friends in exchange for lessons on fashion and how to act popular
She even knew people who knew people in college, and they knew just a simple 'oh yeah the Heathers? They're chill' would do wonders for their status
Unfortunately, as Chandler came to learn, this status came with a price, one that she didn't want to pay but understood she had no choice but to
Throughout the summer, the reborn Heathers were introduced to the world at parties, standing strong with their heads help up high
It seemed to work, no one laughed at their entrance or silly color-coordinated outfits, in fact it was like a switch was flicked
People who had once thrown paper balls at them in the halls greeted them like old friends, bullies who once spread rumors about them smiled and laughed along with them as they handed them red solo cups full of strange liquids
Chandler recognized this liquid immediately from her mother's many drinking binges and despite her reluctance, she knew that to fit in she would have to suck it up and deal with it
Eventually the guy who threw the party, a college freshman named David, came over and introduced himself, before inviting Chandler to a back room to 'get to know her better'
She had an idea of what was about to happen, and before she went she told Duke to make sure Mac never went anywhere alone with anyone, especially a guy
Look I feel really uncomfortable discussing this in great detail, we all know what happened between Chandler and David (don't worry he gets his comeuppance) but for the sake of the story I'll leave it at Chandler didn't want to but for the sake of popularity, the only thing protecting Mac from being harassed like she had her entire life, she put up with it
Eventually the first day of school came, and they walked into the building as new women, goddesses even
Like Moses and the Red Sea, the halls parted for them as they strutted forward, anyone unknowing quickly understanding what was going on and moving out of the way
School became a breeze for them
Chandler understood that popularity came with certain favors, like getting nerds to do their homework in exchange for protection from bullying, or having two meatheaded jocks do anything for them in exchange for the slightest bit of attention
Of course they weren't at the top of the school yet, many seniors who had been there for years did not react well to their position being challenged by these freshmen
But Chandler quickly found out what made them tick and used that to her advantage, making them look like fools while the Heathers came out on top
The perception of them became solidified as these telfon warriors who allowed nothing to bother them and stayed above the peasantry of the school, but could dish out comeuppance if anyone dared to inconvenience them
Things began to follow a pattern
Duke, through her contacts with the yearbook, kept up on the latest gossip and fed it to Chandler, who decided if it was worth their while or if they needed to intervene, and how they would do so if that was determined to be the best course of action
If intervention was necessary, Duke would spread rumors through the nerds at yearbook and Mac though her cheerleader squad to the popular people, from which it would travel through the school
Speaking of Cheer, Mac joined the squad at Chandler's insistence and while watching her first meet, Chandler felt a strange feeling in her chest
She had always known that Mac was a rather attractive woman, but seeing her do her routines in her outfit, which showed off her newly acquired muscles, awakened something in her
She started to become really awkward around Mac, not being able to talk to her without her face going red and stumbling over her words
Eventually Mac, one day while they were at her place, took a deep breath before looking Chandler in the eyes (something that she knew was hard for Mac to do) before telling her that she loved her
That was nothing knew, they told each other that all the time, but this time it felt different
Mac quickly added that she loved her in the gay way and that she wanted Chandler to be her girlfriend, and that she had been in love with her from the first day she met when she was so nice to her and stood up to the bullies and-
Mac quickly rambled on about why and how much she loved her, while Chandler's face grew redder than her blazer
Internally she was having a screaming match, she had never considered that she could be gay before, but the possibility of her being gay made a lot of things make sense
But she also knew that being gay was a death sentence and could undo all their hard work
**Line break bc word count limit**
Eventually she said fuck it and kissed Mac, interrupting her rambling
They made out for a while before Chandler pulled away
When questioned she told Mac that they would have to keep this a secret, at least until they got out of high school
After that she didn't know, but she knew that she loved Mac too, probably for just as long, and that she would do anything just to see her smile
They never could recall on what day Mac's confession took place, so they decided that their anniversary would be on Sep. 1st, the day they met
Life continued on, their popularity and status only increasing with every passing day
Anyone that challenged them was retaliated against with as much force as they could muster, until no one dared mess with the Heathers
She continued to go to the Remington Parties, this time alone
She didn't want Mac, or even Duke, whom she had come to care about more than she had expected, to see what went on behind the scenes
The nights she spent with David were a secret she planned to take to her grave
Freshmen year passed, then sophomore, then they entered junior year
Things didn't change much for them
They stayed on top of Westerberg's Hierarchy, they passed all of their classes with minimal effort due to a combination of nerds doing their homework and essays and cheating on their tests
There was a teacher, Ms. Fleming, who swore up and down they were cheating but could never prove it, and tried to get them in trouble for anything she could think of
These punishments were often revoked under threat of retaliation by their rich parents, which were empty threats but she didn't know that
Later in the year they threw a party for Duke's birthday, a tradition which had come about as a way to maintain their status
Chandler had bought Duke a red dress as a present
Duke loved red but that was Chandler's color so she had to settle for green, but Chandler figured that it was her birthday so it was ok for her to wear another color
Internally she wanted to see her wear red, she just knew that she would look hot in it, and boy was she right
But she wasn't ready to admit this to herself just yet, she said it was just for her birthday
Duke was just so happy during the party, not like the Duke who had been slowly retreating into her shell over the past few years
And then Chandler felt it
The same feeling she had felt with Mac at her first cheer meet years ago
She quickly pushed it away, she was with Mac, she couldn't feel this way
Unfortunately while dealing with this revelation she ended up in the same bathroom that Mac was taking refuge in, and in her drunken state she accidentally blurted out how hot Duke was
Eventually they went to Mac's and when she woke up she remembered what she said the previous night, becoming incredibly embarrassed
Mac quickly confronted her, asking her why she was avoiding her friend, to which she quickly blurted out that she thinks she's in love with Duke
She was shocked when Mac just laughed, asking if that was all it was
Mac then told her that she was also in love with Duke, and that made what she was gonna ask way easier
She proposed a three-way polyamorous relationship where they would all date each other
Chandler was confused at first, she had never heard of this, but after a few days of talking it out and researching, she decided that she was ok with it and they asked Duke out
Duke said yes and all's history
Junior year turned into senior year
The same old same old, one more year before they can escape
Popularity had become a curse, requiring more maintenance than an old car to stay on top
Plus, it made Chandler really conflicted
Was it just to subject others to the same torment she went through just to spare herself and her loved ones from the same fate?
She pondered this as she did her makeup, as Ms. Fleming came in to 'catch' them in the act and give them another bs detention, and as she went through the whole song-and-dance routine a girl stepped out from one of the stalls and headed Fleming a note
Heather McNamara
(I know its not in order, probably should be doing Duke next but idc)
TW: Child Abuse/Ableism/Child Neglect/Bullying
Mac was born on June 22nd, 200X
Her mother was a fucking bitch, to put it lightly
She only married Mac's dad for his money, but her plans were foiled when she was forced to sign a prenup
Her plan quickly shifted into waiting for him to die, as he was already older (not super old, but in his middle 30s while she was early-to-middle 20s), and when he died she would take the money and spend the rest of her life traveling the world in luxury
She had no desire to work or get a job, instead choosing to lay around and mooch off Mac's Dad
Her Dad, unlike most parents that will be talked about, was a gentle man who loved his daughter more than anything in the world
She was the light of his life, and when she was born he took a long paternity leave to spend time with her
He ran a engagement ring business, known as being the home of the best quality rings in the central Ohio area
As such, he got plenty of business, most of which he put back into the store, but he always put some aside for his daughter, both for future savings and to spoil her rotten
But as she grew up and he spent time with her, he noticed that she was a little strange
She would never look anyone in the eyes, became very upset whenever her routine was changed, like if daddy had to go to work on a day when he would not normally have to she would have a meltdown, and became fixated on certain things
At this age she was obsessed with My Little Pony, watching in for hours on end, and the little she did talk was often about the ponies
He had a suspicion of what was going on so he had her quickly tested and it was discovered she had autism
He didn't care, she was his daughter and he would do whatever he needed to make sure she lived the best life possible
He told his wife the news and his plan that she, as a stay-at-home mom, could help take care of her until she was ready
Mac's mom pretended to go along with it but internally she was screaming
She never wanted to have a kid, she only had Mac because her husband really wanted a kid and she thought it might get him to get rid of the prenup, and now she has to deal with a disabled kid too? No way Jose
She tried to beat it out of Mac, slapping and pinching her whenever she acted out, which was quite often
It wasn't her fault, Mac was a child and autistic, she couldn't really control herself, but she didn't care, she just wanted her to stop
As soon as she could she signed her up for daycare behind his back so she didn't have to deal with her
Mac was unceremoniously dropped off at daycare, extremely nervous and unsure about this whole thing
She sat down at her assigned table, staring at the wooden top, just wishing she could go home, when a girl sat at the table and started talking to her
She looked like an angel in red, carrying herself in such a way that radiated confidence and coolness
Mac got a strange feeling in her chest, and she just knew she had to be friends with this girl
She replied quickly, desperate to keep her attention, and the girl laughed
Not in the mean way that mommy laughed at her whenever she messed up, but like Twilight Sparkle and her friends did when one of them did something funny
Note: I know nothing about My Little Pony, so anything that I say about it may be extremely incorrect
She knew she acted different, her mother never failed to point that out to her, but this girl, Chan-Chan as she called her, didn't seem to care one bit
Chandler stuck by her all day, not once leaving her side
She never got bored with her, or got tired of her weirdness, or even looked at other kids, just staying with her
She even protected her from the bullies like Kurt and Ram who were gross boys that she wanted nothing to do with but wouldn't leave her alone
She even comforted her when she cried, which is something only her dad did
In short, she was the perfect friend, just like the ponies
When she was picked up she told her mother about her new friend and how cool she was only to be quickly and harshly told to shut up
They got home and after a few hours so did her dad, and when she told him about the awesome day she had at daycare he was enraged, but didn't let Mac see it, telling her that he was glad she made a friend
Once Mac left the room he stormed over to his wife, demanding an explanation
They had agreed to not put Mac in a public school until she was ready, starting out slow with a tutor or a specialized center for autistic children, and yet here she goes signing her up for daycare
Her mom yelled back that she didn't sign up to take care of a r-word and-
Her dad slapped her mom as soon as that word left her lips, and coldly told her to get out and that he was filing for divorce
She did, staying silent the entire time as she did so
Once she left Mac's dad went up to her room, where Mac was hiding under her bed, afraid of all the shouting
He told her that mommy was leaving and not coming back, to which Mac immediately brightened up and became excited, which was the final nail in the coffin, affirming his decision for divorce
He also asked a bit more about daycare and her friend Chan-Chan, and upon seeing how excited and happy she seemed when talking about her, he decided to keep her in daycare so he didn't take away her only friend
Of course he would sign her up for therapy to help her manage her autism better, but if she was making friends then it wouldn't be the worst idea to let her stay
Mac's mom was not happy, however, and quickly turned to the internet using her MySpace (I think it was still relevant at that time) account to spread lies that he was cheating on her and she was filing for divorce
Privately she told some that he was impotent and gave her a r-word child, and her conservative family agreed that she was right to leave him and that nobody wanted to deal with a child like her
Thankfully due to the prenup her dad was able to keep his fortune, house and business, as well as custody of Mac
Unfortunately, the rest of Mac's family believed her mother's lies, and her father was inundated with calls berating him for cheating, most cutting off ties with him
It crushed Mac's dad to hear all of this, and when trying to tell the truth failed he resolved to keep moving forward
After all, he had a daughter to raise
He told her at every opportunity that her autism was not something to be ashamed of or hated, but it was just something that made her different
She didn't have to be proud of it or even like it, but she shouldn't beat herself up over it
Everyone had things that made them different, just like how all the My Little Ponies were all different, but that didn't make their differences bad
Our differences aren't good or bad, they just are, they're a part of life we have to recognize and accept
If she can find some matter of pride in it, then good on her, but she doesn't have to
Unfortunately, Mac had spend the first few years of her life learning from her mother that her autism was a curse, and those lessons were hard to forget, especially when she learned them at such a young age and at such a critical point in her development
He also met her friend, which until now he didn't know her name was also Heather
He found her to be a polite and courteous child, but most importantly she was a good friend to Mac, someone who cared for her almost as much as he did
He realized that she didn't have the best home life, and would often invite her over for playdates when he couldn't be home to watch over Mac
She was incredibly thankful for this, not only did she get to spend time with her best friend, but she also got to be away from her mother
Back to Mac, she really started to enjoy things
**Line break bc word count**
Her mother was gone, she had an amazing friend and dad who loved her, everything was perfect, everything was grand, she had the whole wide world in the palm of her hand
If you get that reference you're amazing
That was until she started first grade
Things changed, a lot
Everything was just so different, it was harder, the teachers were meaner, her whole routine changed
Chan-Chan was there to help, and she knew she could turn to her dad if she needed anything, but it didn't change the fact that her life had changed significantly
The worst part, however, was the other kids
They started to stay away from her and Chandler, refusing to sit at the same table as them, not letting them play with them at recess, asking the teacher if they could have a different partner during group work
She didn't understand why they did that, but it hurt her deeply
Chandler always stood up for her, telling the kids how mean they were being, but the bullying never stopped
Mac got into Pokemon around this time, and would play it on her 3DS a lot
She was absorbed into this fantastical world, but that came at the price of blocking everything else while she hyper-focused on it, including her only friend
Chandler was upset by this, her best friend was so focused on this stupid game that she didn't have time for her!
She tried to tell Mac to put the dumb game down and spend time with her, but Mac just kept playing, not really understanding why Chandler was getting so upset about it, which only made her stressed and upset, causing her to retreat even deeper into the game
After an incident which some bullies tried to take her 3DS, causing Chandler to retaliate physically against them and both of them subsequently get suspended, she came to talk to Mac, apologizing for the way she had been acting in regards to the whole Pokemon thing
Mac had been really upset since the whole thing went down, her dad was upset with her for bringing the 3DS to school when she knows she wasn't supposed to
She wasn't grounded or anything, just a gentle reminder that she needs to leave it at home, but it made her feel awful for upsetting her dad
She curled into a ball on her bed and just stared at the wall
Her dad, upon seeing the state Mac was in, called Chandler and asked her to come over to talk to her about the whole thing as she was really upset
Chandler lightly knocked and upon hearing no response she let herself in
She tried to apologize but before she could get a word in Mac quickly uncurled herself from her ball and started yelling, which took Chandler off guard as Mac almost never yelled
Mac said that she felt like an awful daughter and friend, and that the bullies were gonna bully them even more from now on
Chandler tried to interject but was quickly cut off by Mac, who continued on her tirade
She said that ever since she got into Pokemon she had been becoming more distant and upset and she didn't understand why and that she's so scared that she'll lose her as a friend and she doesn't want that she's been her best friend since forever and if she loses her she doesn't known what she'll do and-
Her words become unintelligible as she sinks onto the bed
Chandler rushes over and pulls her into a tight hug while she sobs her eyes out
They stayed like that for a good while until Mac, with Chandler's help, is able to calm down
Once that happens, Chandler begins to apologize, saying that she was upset that Mac was spending so much time on the game as it felt like she was ignoring her, but she was just being selfish because she didn't really understand it and didn't want to, but that would all change
She headed to her bag and picked out some Pokemon plushies she had secretly ordered online, before handing them to Mac, who looked awestruck
Chandler then said that she was done being selfish, and that she would watch and play and do whatever pokemon stuff Mac wanted to do
Mac readily accepted her apology and gifts, before grabbing her 3DS and beginning to explain everything about Pokemon to her
With the most serious challenge to their friendship behind them, they moved forward into their middle school years, which Mac considered to be the worst years of her life
For starters, the bullying got worse, more than it had ever been before
Her and Chandler could barely do anything without some comment or thing being thrown at them
Trips to the bathroom meant water being splashed at them
At gym the other girls would push past them or purposefully knock them over while they ran
And speaking of gym, the other girls constantly ridiculed her over her freckles, causing her to break out into tears almost every day
And as her body began puberty, it began to change rapidly, including the start of periods, which caused her to have a panic attack when she found out that she would essentially be bleeding and in pain for a week every month
She, being a very sensitive person, hard a hard time coping with these situations
Her dad tried his best, but he was wholly unprepared to deal with teenage girl problems, especially with ones about her time of the month
However, he always reminded her that no problem was too difficult to overcome, and that these problems didn't have to be fixed alone
She always had him, Chandler, and her therapist to turn too and ask questions or for help if she needed it
It was hard for Mac to internalize these lessons
From a very young age her mother had told her that she should just stay out of the way and deal with it on her own, things told to her simply so her mom could continue to sit on the couch and watch TV and not parent, but they were things Mac internalized, especially because she was so young and they came from a (supposedly) trusted source
As such, she was often reluctant to ask for help even if it was obvious she needed it
But, because she often did not know how to handle these situations, she found herself unable to do anything to improve the situation, leading to a meltdown or panic attack
Her dad recognized this pattern, and would often attend meetings with her and her therapist to explain it to the them and help them develop strategies for when she encounters a stressful situation
It is here that her dad also came to realize the extent of bullying that his daughter was facing, and he made attempts to contact the school to have something done
Unfortunately, his attempts were met with indifference, and his idea of pulling Mac out to a school more suited for her needs or even to the special education section of her school was rejected, as it would mean that Mac was separated from Chandler, something which she would not accept
Faced with a difficult situation, her dad and therapist struggled to come up with an effective response
Ignoring them seemed to have no effect, as did telling the teacher
Fighting back only got them in trouble while the bullies got off scot-free, and they couldn't just simply leave the school, as Mac wouldn't go without Chandler and Chandler's mom wouldn't even consider the idea of moving her daughter, calling her a wimp for letting herself be bullied and that she taught her better than that
Chandler eventually took it into her own hands
She pulled Mac aside one day and told her that she was gonna fix things, but she had to trust her
Mac trusted her with her whole heart, and so she agreed
If she knew what was coming, she would have steadfastly refused
Chandler began to draw attention to herself, making her the target
If bullies began to harass the two of them, she would do something to take the attention off of Mac, be that by making some sarcastic remark, retaliating against them, or by any means that she had at her disposal
The method worked, at least somewhat
**Line break bc word count limit**
The bullying against Mac slowed down significantly, but did not stop entirely, while the bullying against Chandler increased to previously unseen levels
Whenever confronted, Chandler told her that it was fine and that it took the attention off of her, right?
While that was true, it hurt Mac deeply to see that her best friend had to take the brunt of the force just because she couldn't handle it
She resolved to work on herself, she would do anything to make sure that Chandler didn't have to do it again
When the summer before high school began, she went to her therapist, explaining her dilemma
She applauded Mac for taking steps to ask for help, before telling her that maybe in her new school, she could have a fresh start with things, and let it be a chance to re-invent herself into someone who stands up to the bullies
She also mentioned that her twin sister, Pauline, worked at Westerberg High as an English teacher, and while she was a little weird, she would listen to her if she told her that she was being bullied
The next hang-out with Chandler, told her that she wouldn't stand by as she was bullied just because she wanted to protect her, and that they would do something about it, brining up a few of the things that her therapist told her, listing them off
Chandler stopped her when she mentioned re-inventing themselves, as she interjected that she had actually had the same idea, going into detail about her plan to make them not just no longer bullied, but popular
Mac was originally apprehensive about the idea
From her experience with popular kids, they were rude and mean and didn't care about other people, and Mac didn't want them to change
Chandler reassured her that it wouldn't happen, reminding her of her promise to never leave her
Still unsure but out of alternatives, she agreed to go along with Chandler's plan
They quickly came upon a issue with their plan when the topic of making connections came up
They pulled out their yearbook, and began going through everyone, seeing if anyone could help them
They didn't have to go far before Mac landed on the page with 'Heather Duke' on it
She was vaguely aware of her due to their shared name, but she did know that she was head of the yearbook, and that probably came with some contacts
Chandler added that she knew that Duke was lacking in the friends department, having ditched Martha Dumptruck a while back, and would probably be willing to help them out
Duke was then invited and accepted into their group
Mac was originally wary around Duke
It had been her and Chandler for so long, and now there was this other person
What if Chandler liked her better? What if they abandoned her? What if Duke made fun of her? What if what if what if what if....
These thoughts spiraled around her head, almost leading her into a panic attack
This happened at one of their first hangouts as a three-woman team, and unable to cope with the thoughts and unwilling to go to Chandler incase she thought Mac was weak or something for not being able to handle something as simple as having another friend, she made a quick excuse before heading into her bathroom and crying
Chandler made a comment under her breath, saying that she should've known that this would upset Mac and that she should've talked to her about it, a comment that Duke was not supposed to hear
Unfortunately for her, her comment was not as quiet as she thought, and Duke upon hearing it put 2 and 2 together about what upset Mac, and told Chandler that she would handle it
She tried to protest but Duke ignored her and just kept walking
Duke approached the bathroom door, hearing the muffled sobs coming from the other side, before knocking quietly and upon receiving no response, she slid down, back to the door
She told Mac that she understands that this is a difficult time for her, and they have a lot riding on this and as a part of that, things are changing
She also said that she understands that she is the outsider here, upending the status quo they had for a very long time, but also that she wasn't here to mess it up
The friendship between the three of them isn't replacing what was already there, but building upon it
Mac got the impression that Duke knows that she thinks that she's a threat to her and Chandler's friendship, and she starts to feel awful
She didn't mean to give that impression or even want to feel that way, she's just scared about the what ifs and all that
Realizing that she needs to fix this, she quickly swings open the door, which thankfully opens inwards, before pulling Duke into a big hug and sobbing into her shoulder
Duke was initially stunned, but quickly hugged back as Mac continued to cry
Once she finished crying, Mac profusely apologized, an apology which Duke readily accepted
Chandler watched from down the hallway, impressed at the way that Duke handled the situation
They studied and practiced the art of popularity, until eventually it was time for their first outing as The Heathers
They were going to some party at Remington University, and Mac wasn't exactly thrilled
Chandler had talked to them beforehand, telling both her and Duke to let her doing the talking, which didn't exactly reassure her
As soon as she entered her nostrils were assaulted by the smell of weed, vomit, and plain old BO
Mac wanted to bolt out of there as quickly as she could, but she remembered what they practiced and tried to ignore it to the best of her ability
Eyes turned to the group, and Mac wanted to melt under the pressure, but she forced herself to stand strong and keep looking forward as they made their way towards who Mac assumed was David
He started flirting with Chandler, which besides the fact that he was definitely way older than her also made her feel enraged
She didn't understand why, but seeing David flirt with her made her want to punch holes in things
Chandler eventually left with David, but not before whispering something Mac couldn't hear in Duke's ear
Duke stood by her side the entire night, not leaving her once
It reminded her a lot of Chandler in their younger years, keeping a lookout for any shady characters and steering her clear of any bad situations
She had her first bit of alcohol at the party, some beer in a red solo cup
She gagged at the taste, but remembering why they were here she quickly downed it
Thankfully Duke led her to some tastier drinks, of which she had several
The party passed by in a blur
She remembers talking to several people but she couldn't remember their faces, names or even what she said to them
She thinks she did a good job because she remembers them laughing along with her instead of at her, which is always a good sign
But what she remembers vividly is seeing Chandler come out of a back room with David looking terrible
Mac wanted to say something but Chandler gave her a look, and being friends for so long let her know that the look meant to keep quiet, which she did
Chandler never spoke of what happened that night, no matter how much Mac asked
Then the first day of high school arrived and Mac was understandably nervous
Sure things had gone well at Remington, but now it was the real deal, the final test to see if their efforts paid off
Waiting in Chandler's brand new Porsche (she had insisted that they couldn't ride the bus, that was for losers) she was chewing on her nails out of sheer nervousness
Chandler reassured her that nothing would go wrong, they worked so hard for this and now they were going to see the fruits of their labor
With much apprehension she stepped out of the car and almost immediately all eyes turned to the three of them
**Line break bc word count limit**
Just like during the Remington party Mac wanted to run back to the car, but instead she took a deep breath and kept her head held high
Her heart was beating hard in her chest as she walked into the building and even more eyes turned to her
But surprisingly, it worked
She saw her former bullies trip over each other in a failed attempt to get out of their way
People she had never seen before looked in the opposite direction wherever she looked, desperate to not make eye contact and risk their wrath
Even boys double her height who could easily push her out of the way parted as she and the other Heathers strutted down the hall
It was weird, not a bad weird, but still weird
She could not remember a time in recent memory that she went an hour without something happening to her, and now she's went almost a whole day without so much as a dirty look thrown her way
At lunch, Chandler pulled out a sign-up sheet and handed it to Mac
It was for cheerleading, and when she looked at Chandler with a confused look she explained she wanted Mac to try out
Duke had her influence over the nerds in yearbook and she was the leader who everyone feared, but she needed Mac to venture into arguably the most important sector of students, the popular kids
They had succeeded in establishing themselves as part of the upper crust, but to be at the top they had to be an inescapable force, no matter where in the school one went
And with Duke handling the nerds and Chandler having the general population, all that was left were the popular kids, and the majority of them were either cheerleaders or in some sport
That's where Mac came in
Having a Heather planted there allows her to keep an ear out for any negative attention being thrown their way, and if she notices it it'll be her job to dispel it, as well as being an ever-present reminder that the Heathers are always watching
Duke made a comment about someone called Big Brother, which Chandler ignored
Like most things, Mac was unsure about it, but today had been perfect, and she would do anything to make sure it stays that way
She quickly filled out the form and dropped it off on the way to her next class
As the day ended and they headed to Chandler's car, Mac realized with a start that this had been her first day of school in years where she didn't have a meltdown or panic attack, and realized that all of this work had been worth it
As the days went on Mac quickly became used to her routine as a Heather
Duke fed them gossip, they debated on wether to and how to intervene, and if they needed to Mac would make a comment at cheer practice, which would spread like wildfire amongst the popular sector of students
With her reputation she was able to easily join the cheerleading team despite her lack of experience
She quickly learned how to cheer, however, her naturally flexible and slim body working wonders to aid her in her pursuits, and she climbed the ranks of the squad fast
The coach told her that she was on track to becoming head cheerleader by sophomore year
Mac was overjoyed, as for the first time in her life something came to her easily
School was tough for her, especially math, and she could rarely concentrate long enough to get all of the information
Her and Chandler spent many a hour reviewing the information in a desperate attempt to get Mac to understand, but it never went as well as Mac had hoped, and Mac rarely got above a C
But now nerds did all their work for them, leaving Mac with plenty of time to focus on other things, like cheer, Chandler, keeping up with the latest gossip, Chandler's really kissable face, making sure they stayed at the top of the food chain, Chandler's sexy body, practicing her cheer routines, Chandler's really big bre-
Wait, where did that come from?
With all of the free time on her hands, Mac started to notice her thoughts turning to Chandler, and not in just a friendly way
Whenever she was with her, which was often, her eyes always trailed to ... certain parts of her body, and she found herself unable to look away, even after Chandler called her name several times
She had no idea what these thoughts meant or why she was having them, and knowing she couldn't talk to Chandler about this, she turned to the only other person she could
As she finished explaining her troubles to Duke, Duke took a deep breath and said in a very matter-of-fact voice "You're in love with her"
Mac choked on air as soon as the words escaped Duke's lips
She quickly reasoned that of course she loved Chandler, they had been friends for years, it was only natural to love your friends, they were kinda like your family
Duke, knowing where Mac's thoughts were going interjected saying that she loved her not in the friendly way but in the gay way
Mac immediately insisted that she wasn't gay, to which Duke questioned if she had ever felt an attraction like this to any guy, to which Mac hadn't
Once the realization hit that she was in fact gay, she immediately started panicking because holy shit she was in love with her best friend and what the hell is she gonna do about it holy shitttttttttttt!
Duke helped calm her down, before encouraging her to ask Chandler out, because lord knows she won't do it herself
She's confused, before Duke sighs in exasperation and explains that Chandler is gay for her too
Mac had a similar reaction to when Duke told her that she was gay
She quickly explained that it was obvious to anyone who spent more than 5 minutes around the two of them that there was romantic tension between the two of them just waiting to be broken, but they were both just so fucking oblivious to it
She added that she was glad that she came to her first because she was tired of waiting for them to realize it themselves
Mac made a rather bad excuse before darting out of the room
She reasoned that Chandler couldn't be in love with her, she flirted with boys all the time
And if she did love girls she wouldn't want to be with her, she's this stupid little autistic girl who can't do many things without guidance and cries really easy and can't handle routine changes without having a meltdown and.....
Yeah, there was no way Chandler was in love with her
....Just to be sure, the next day she would pay close attention to how she acted around her, juuuuust to be sure
Lo and behold, the next day came and she started observing Chandler's behavior
Things that had been so commonplace that Mac ignored them became obvious indicators that Chandler was in love with her
For starters, Chandler always stood beside her, like physically standing next to her at all times
She also realized that whenever they had a moment alone, Chandler would unconsciously grab her hand
She didn't think that 'just friends' held hands when they were alone
But the biggest indicator was during gym, when they had to put on their uniforms
After tearing her eyes away from Chandler's body, she quickly realized that Chandler was oogling her
It seemed to be unconsciously, as when Mac called her name Chandler jumped in surprise, seemingly unaware of what she was doing
Ok so Chan-Chan was into her, that was definitely the case, so Mac supposed that she had to ask her out
She spent hours scrolling through Instagram, then Twitter, then Tumblr in search of cute ways to ask out your crush
None of them really tickled her fancy, however
They were all fancy and elaborate, and while they were cute and thoughtful that's not the kind of relationship her and Chandler had
They were best friends before anything else, and Mac thought it best just to keep it simple
She eventually decided on just asking her
She brought up the idea of having a sleepover at her place one day at lunch
**Line break bc word count limit**
This wasn't anything out of the ordinary, they had sleepovers all the time
Having texted her about it beforehand, Duke knew to make up an excuse for why she couldn't attend, that way it would be just her and Chandler
The rest of the day passed by at a snail's pace, every ticking of the clock sending shivers down Mac's spine, knowing what was coming up and how it could all go wrong
She was unable to pay attention in class, her thoughts consumed with what ifs about this going all wrong
And before she knew it, she was at home, with only a few hours to prepare before the sleepover
Her dad just happened to be home early that day, and upon seeing his daughter enter he came over to greet her, only to see a look of sheer terror on her face
He quickly asked what was wrong, before Mac ran into his arms, sobbing uncontrollably
He quickly moved them over to the couch, holding her while she bawled
Eventually she was able to calm down and explain with a shaky voice why she was so terrified
He quickly reassured her that he would love her no matter who she chose to date, but also that she had nothing to worry about
Chandler loved her more than anything in this world, there was no way that she said no
He also added that he's been waiting for them to start dating, it was kinda obvious that they liked each other
In a exasperated tone Mac said "Daddddddd" before he left her to start setting up for the sleepover
The setup was nothing spectacular, just a normal sleepover as to not alert her to something being different
There were the bowls of snacks, popcorn, candy, and as she put the blankets on the couch she realized that they always snuggled when they watched movies at their sleepovers
God they were oblivious
Chandler eventually arrived and Mac's nervousness reemerged but she quickly banished it, knowing that for this to work she needed to keep up the facade that everything was normal
They quickly made their way to the living room where everything was set up, and headed to their respective spots on the couch
The fire inside Mac burned brighter as they started to snuggle, the skin-on-skin contact only adding more fuel to the flame
Mac had decided on Frozen, a movie that they both loved as kids
Normally she got deeply engrossed in the movie, but today she just couldn't, her full attention set on the feeling of Chandler's body laying against her's
As the climax approached Mac became even more nervous, culminating in her grabbing the remote and pausing the movie as soon as Anna punched Hans off the boat
Chandler gave her a confused look as Mac took a deep breath and looked Chandler in the eyes, explaining that she loved her
When Chandler looked confused she quickly added that she loved her in the gay way and she wanted them to be girlfriends, before launching into a tirade about how amazing she was and all that she did for her and-
Chandler smashed her lips onto her's as they flopped backwards onto the couch, Chandler laying atop Mac as they continuously made out
As all good things do their make out session came to an end, and as Chandler grabbed the remote and unpaused the movie, before turning to Mac and saying that 'oh by the way, my answer is yes'
Before they went to bed that night (sleeping next to each other in the same bed, god how did they not realize they were gay before this) Chandler had to have a serious talk with her, explaining that they couldn't be out openly for obvious reasons, to which Mac was a little disappointed but she understood the necessity
Things stayed the same for the majority of the next three years
Her and Chandler had date nights whenever they could escape their popularity
In sophomore year as coach had promised she became Head Cheerleader, brining newfound influence to The Heathers, giving her much more sway over the football players who only wanted her for her status and body
Her body became a lot more muscular as a result of all the training she had to do, which Chandler often reminded her that she found it sexy as hell
The status quo didn't really changed until Duke's 17th Birthday party
She was sitting on her couch, rather tipsy
Chandler was god-knows-where, and so she was laying around with a few members of her cheer squad, and while she was drunkenly looking around the room she laid her eyes on a red blob moving around the crowd
At first she thought it was Chandler, but after closer inspection she realized that it was Duke, in the red dress Chandler had gotten her
Over the past few years Duke had gotten more withdrawn, choosing to stay by herself instead of joining her and Chandler, and spending much of her time with them with her nose stuck in a book, but this Duke was the exact opposite
She was the life of the party, going from group to group where her arrival was always met with cheers and laughter
Seeing Duke so happy made her feel happy, excited that her friend was finally letting lose
Duke passed where Mac was sitting on the way to another group, and as she passed, still laughing, Mac got a really good look at her
She had really dolled herself up, getting her hair and makeup done professionally, and combined with the smile that seemed to be etched into her face she looked beautiful, not to mention the dress that hugged her figure so good.....
Mac felt her cheeks burning up and a familiar feeling enveloped her
She shot up, immediately recognizing this feeling
She made an excuse that she had to vomit before running into the nearest bathroom
She nearly did vomit from the realization, but managed to keep it down by focusing on the cold, hard floor beneath her
Unfortunately, it did nothing to stop the oncoming panic attack
Thoughts shot around her mind over what an awful person she was, how Chandler would hate her if she ever found out, how-
Someone stumbled into the bathroom, scaring the hell out of Mac, who thought it was some drunk weirdo
It was a drunk weirdo who came in, but it was her drunk weirdo so it was alright
Chandler stumbled her way onto the floor, laying her head in Mac's lap and she stroked her hair
Drunkenly, Chandler starts ranting about how hot Duke was in that dress but then quickly lowers her voice, talking about how sweet she can be when she wants to and how fun she is and how she misses the old Duke and
She goes on and on for like 30 minutes before she eventually passes out
This conversation made Mac realize that she might not be the only one who has a crush on Duke
The next day both her and Chandler are at Mac's place sobering up when Mac brings up the conversation in the bathroom
Chandler blushes bright red and refuses to talk about it, literally running out of the room
Chandler eventually comes back and that's when she pulls out the secret weapon
Over the years Mac has realized that if nothing else, there is one thing going in her favor
She is incredibly cute, a fact that Chandler often reminds her of, and with that power comes the ability to do a puppy dog face to get what she wants
When Chandler sees it, all of her resistance crumbles immediately and she admits that she may have a teeny tiny crush on Duke
Before she can say a word in her defense Mac starts laughing
As Chandler gives her a confused look, Mac explains that she also has a crush on Duke, she was actually in the bathroom last night panicking about it before she came in
The real question now is, what do they do about it?
With a quick google search they learn about this thing called polyamory and after a quick discussion they both agree that they would be ok with a relationship like that
All that's left is to ask Duke
They do question if Duke is into them or even into girls, but they both have a hunch that she is
**Line break bc word count limit**
The next Friday they hold another sleepover
Mac decides she's gonna ask Duke like she did Chandler/Chandler did to her, just play it normal and wait for the moment to kiss her
After all, if it aint broke don't fix it
The sleepover goes as normal, they watch some Youtube, gossip about the morons at Westerberg, listen to some music
Eventually Mac feels that the time was right, before leaning over and giving Duke a big ol' smooch on her lips
Duke, clearly on autopilot, starts kissing back, before she comes to her senses and jolts away from Mac, a look of terror across her face
Instead of the anger she suspects, she sees a giggling Mac and a smirking Chandler, and she quickly demands an explanation
They quickly explain that they're into her and would like to have a 3-way relationship with her
Duke looks very unsure, and asks for a moment to think about it
They give it to her, only to hear her scream "YES, YES, YES, HELL FUCKING YES LETS FUCKING GOOO" and watch her rush back into the room, before giving the both of them a huge kiss
Things become amazing with Duke
Mac, who had always had trouble sleeping, finally starts to get regular good sleep when she sleeps between her two gfs
School becomes bearable, because even if they can't show it, she gets to spend all day with them on top of no one bothering them
Duke is also a fun person to be around, after joining their relationship she seems to have come out of her shell a lot and Mac comes to love all the silly pranks she pulls on Chandler or how determined she gets to win a game
And simply, Mac has a lot of love in her heart, and she wants to share it all
The rest of Junior year passes, and before she knows it its the first day of Senior Year
They're in the bathroom, just fixing up their makeup, when Fleming comes in
She doesn't know how her kind, caring therapist is related to this hippie, but they are and they have to deal with her
She tries to give them detention but before they can threaten her a girl dressed in a really ugly scarf comes out of a stall and hands her a note
(can you tell who my favorite Heather is?)
Heather Duke
TW: Extreme Child Abuse/Eating Disorders (Bulimia)/Bullying/Self-Depreciation/Ableism/Co-Dependency
I'm so sorry I'm doing this to you Duke
Duke was born on March 17th, 200X
Her parents were second-generation immigrants from South Korea, with their parents moving to America to escape the military dictatorship of Park Chung Hee
Her maternal grandparents initially settled in California before moving farther east, first to Denver, then Chicago, before heading to Ohio
Her paternal grandparents followed a similar path, from Phoenix to St. Louis before also settling in Ohio
Being the only some of the only Asians around, the families quickly became close
They opened up a Korean Restaurant in Columbus, which after many years exploded in popularity and grew profitable as the only, and best, authentic Korean cuisine in the central Ohio area
The road to success had not been easy for her grandparents, having to work long hours in odd jobs just to keep their families fed
With that popularity came profit, and soon the families were richer than their wildest dreams
They eventually adopted the last name Duke, after old European nobility, as a way to better blend in to their lives in America
All of their children worked in the restaurant as soon as the law would allow, working long hours to ensure it ran smoothly
As one family's eldest daughter and the other's eldest son came of age, they were married and pressured into having children, and many of them
With the money from the restaurant, they were able to purchase a large house in a wealthy neighborhood in a town about an hour away
Before Duke there was her 2 year older sister Helen and 1 year older brother Henry, with Duke being the final child her parents would have
Her parents chose all names that started with H, as well as American names, afraid of mistreatment if their heritage was too obvious
Immense pressure to succeed was placed on all three children, similar to how their parents had similar pressure placed on them by their parents
Success was not only expected, but demanded, and failure would not be tolerated
Duke found herself quickly falling behind her siblings, not only due to the age gap but also due to her lack of ability
While her siblings were reading fluently in both English and Korean by 5, Duke struggled to read basic sentences in either language at the same age
She had to attend special classes to help her catch up, something that her parents were greatly ashamed of, a fact which they never failed to mention to her
She was constantly compared to her siblings, told that she was dumb for failing to do anything right, and given harsh punishments if she failed to accomplish whatever task her parents set for her
She was often hit, her things taken, destroyed, or thrown away, denied food or water, forced to sleep on the floor, among many other disgusting things
A deep resentment arose between Duke and the rest of her family, as the other children were treated well as academics came to them easily, while Duke struggled under the weight of the expectations placed on her
Duke was placed in daycare as soon as she was old enough to, her parents hoping that her struggling in front of the other children would humiliate her into doing better
While playing, waiting for the teacher, a girl came up to her
She had big pink glasses and a unicorn sweater, introduced herself as Martha, and asked if she could play with her
Duke was taken aback by it, someone wanted to play with her?
The two quickly became friends, playing with the My Little Pony toys until the teacher gave them their assigned seats
Duke was disappointed to learn that she would not be sitting with Martha, and instead with two other girls named Heather
The other two girls paid her no mind, and Duke reciprocated in return, choosing to stare longingly at Martha across the room
Eventually they were freed from their tables and allowed to go out and play, and Duke and Martha were reunited
They talked while they played, and Duke was surprised to hear about how Martha's home life was
Her parents told her to do her best and have fun, they seemed to never yell at her or be disappointed in her, and they often told her that they loved her
Duke realized with a start that she had never once been told by her parents that they loved her, and the pit of resentment she held for them only grew deeper
Martha asked if she wanted to tell the teacher about her parents, but Duke refused, seeing it as a sign of weakness
Martha tried convincing her otherwise, but Duke wouldn't budge so she eventually dropped it
The next few years passed by with things staying mostly the same
Duke continued to struggle, continuing with remedial classes as she entered formal schooling
Her parents became increasingly angry as Duke failed to grasp what, in their opinion, were simple concepts, and as a result their punishments became more severe
Additionally, her siblings received awards and honor roll, and Duke was forced to attend these ceremonies, with her family spending most of the events criticizing her and asking why she wasn't getting an award
Her siblings also became extremely arrogant, joining in on the harsh treatment of Duke
In 2nd Grade, at her teacher's insistence, Duke was tested and it was discovered that she had dyslexia and ADHD
Her parents did not pay these diagnoses any mind, asking why she couldn't simply 'get over it'
Her grades did slightly improve as the school offered some accommodations, but to her parents anything less than an A was unacceptable, and so her treatment remained largely unchanged
Her and Martha continued to spend time together, with Duke spending many an afternoon at her house
It was a major shock when Martha's parents treated her with kindness, like she was their own daughter, and internally she became jealous of Martha
Why did she get stuck with terrible parents who hated her, who couldn't see that she was trying her best?
She later stopped going to Martha's, too jealous of the life she was able to live
Elementary turned to middle, and Duke became a target for the bullies
Duke was an easy target, she struggled in class, often being so frustrated that she was moved to tears, she never fought back (unbeknownst to the bullies, Duke couldn't fight back, unless she wanted to face even more punishment from her parents) and she hung out with Martha Dumptruck, literally the least popular person at Westerberg Middle besides Heather McNamara
Even worse, she started puberty, and her body began changing
Like everything else, her parents began criticizing her body, saying that she was too fat and needed to eat less, lest she never find a husband, criticism that was not given to her older sister, whose beauty her parents constantly praised
She found herself unable to shake the words her parents shouted at her, noticing herself comparing her body to the other girls in the locker room during Phys Ed
Things became worse by the day
Her parents were relentless in their attacks, yelling from the moment she came home to the moment she left, or at least it seemed
The bullies' assault was relentless, never failing to knock her lunchtray down or shove papers off her desk
And even worse, they had started making comments that she was even fatter than Dumptruck
Martha had always been a rather pudgy girl, and obviously Duke was no where near her size, but she began to see herself thaat way
Martha tried her best, telling her that she wasn't fat and that she was already skin and bones, but Duke refused to believe her
She stayed by her side, always listening when Duke needed to vent about her parents or school or whatever, and although she never knew exactly what to say she always tried her best to comfort Duke
**Line break bc word count limit**
She eventually made up her mind to tell someone at school about Duke's living conditions, going behind her back to do so, but the staff gave her an empty promise of doing something about it
They never did
In 8th Grade things reached a breaking point
Nothing in particular caused this breakdown, everything just came to be too much one day
Duke reevaluated her life, realizing that if she was to survive until she turned 18 and could get the hell outta dodge, she had to play her parent's game
She turned to the internet, spending hours searching for how to be skinny quick
I'm not going into great detail about her ED, but to summarize she found bulimia and all that entails and began to do it
She also knew that her academics had to improve
She would spend hours reading her textbooks over and over again, even when the words swam across the room and her attention was fleeting, she just had to get this information down, she couldn't stand another fucking punishment from her parents
She began to spend every free moment studying, practicing, working, neglecting everything else, even Martha
Eventually she even began to see Martha as a distraction, but being too afraid to dump her outright, she just started to ignore her
Any conversation attempt was met with silence, invitations ignored, it was like Martha was talking to a brick wall
Eventually it resulted in a large outburst from Martha, questioning what she did wrong, why was she acting like this, only to be met with silence
Internally Duke was screaming for Martha to just leave, but she was too frozen to be able to do anything
A smaller, quieter voice questioned if what they were doing was right, but it was ignored and pushed away
Eventually Martha broke down in tears and ran from Duke
People didn't exactly like Martha, but even people who bullied her agreed that what Duke did was cold, and the bullying against her ramped up to a 10
Duke didn't care, she was too focused on studying and making sure she kept her weight down to notice
She also joined the yearbook club, as her siblings were apart of many clubs and sports, so Duke tried to join some as well
Yearbook was the only one still accepting members, so she went with what she had
It was filled with entirely losers who couldn't care less about it, but Duke quickly whipped them into shape, and by the end of the year they had a beautiful yearbook, with the club sponsor sending a note about her to the sponsor for the club at Westerberg High
By the end of the year her grades had improved substantially, but not high enough for her parents standards
Her final report card was met with only a minor comment that she was improving, but that this was still garbage compared to Helen and Henry
Her summer saw her secluded in her room, surrounded by books
She began to follow a cycle
Wake up, study, eat, purge, study, eat, purge, eat, eat, purge, purge, purge, pur-
Her phone buzzed
This was extremely unusual
Sure she had social media accounts, but on account of her unpopularity nobody bothered to message her, other than to send her some depraved message
Still, something felt different about this, so she headed over, only to see a message from an H. Chandler, asking her to come over, as she had a proposition for her
She initially dismissed it, but curiosity won her over and she asked 'what kind of proposition?'
When Chandler responded 'we're gonna be popular' she almost laughed
She knew Chandler, who didn't
That girl had Martha-yelling-at-her level freakouts on the daily, and she had that weird autistic girl hanging on her at all times
The three of them are literally at the bottom of the totem pole, there was no physical way for them to become popular
Text Chat Between H. Chandler and H. Duke
Sure, and then we'll go discover the cure for cancer
I'm being serious
Uh-uh sure you are. Look, I got shit to do, I don't have time to waste on some stupid shit.
I need you, look you're in the yearbook club right? You have connections, you know people, and those people know people, and they can help us be popular
Even if I did, how do you think just knowing people will help us be popular
The popular people go to these parties at Remington University, all you gotta do is get you, me and Heather McNamara an invite and our popularity is good as gold
What? And what do you mean our?
Obviously you're gonna be a part of this, if you help us you get a spot right at the top, floating above all the bullshit. I know you're bullied a lot, don't you want that to be gone? All you have to do is make people think you're popular, and that perception of popularity translates into actual popularity, its all about how popular people think you are. And people think you're popular if you go to exclusive parties on college campuses, look good, and have other people spread word of how popular you are.
I'm listening
We go to the party, flirt around with a couple of guys, I've heard they're all creeps and pervs, they'll do anything for attention from a pretty girl. We get all dolled up, go, talk to a few guys, they tell their friends about how cool we are, that gets passed down the gossip train until everyone at Westerberg knows who we are and how cool we are, and by the first day we're top of the school
If, and its a big if, I do this, how do we know it'll work?
Hey, things can't get any worse than they are right now, if it fails, at least you get some friends outta it, so you're walking away with something regardless
Duke hesitated, fingers hovering over the keypad
She wrote Yes, then quickly deleted it and wrote no, before deleting it and writing yes again
For 5 agonizing minutes she deliberated over what she should do
She's taking a big risk here, this could all fall flat on their faces
But, like Chandler said, she has nothing to lose if things go wrong, so she quickly typed "I'm in" before hitting send
As the group, christened the Heathers for obvious reasons, began to plan for the debut as popular people, Duke really came to like her new friends
Chandler, despite her rather abrasive exterior, is a caring person who did everything she's done just to protect Mac, and Duke really respects that
Of course, there's the voice in the back of her head again, telling her she should've done everything Chandler has done with Martha, but she pushes it away once again
And Mac is a sweetheart, super friendly, like a golden retriever or a little rabbit, and she's been nothing but welcoming to Duke once she got over the initial awkwardness of having a new friend
The day before the party, they all try on their outfits and practice their makeup
Duke makes a comment about how this outfit really hides her fat, and when she's met with silence she turns to look at her friends
Chandler has a concerned look, but a peek at her eyes shows that she's picked up what's going on
Of course she has, a different, meaner voice tells her, who wouldn't notice her barely eating and going to the bathroom seemingly every hour, but like all the others Duke pushes it to the side
Mac, on the other hand, has tears in her eyes, looking at Duke with a sad look before running over to her and pulling her into a tight hug, telling her that's she's beautiful and shouldn't talk about herself like that
She feels.... cared for. Loved, even.
For the first time in her life she has people that love her for who she is, not what they expect from her
And that's when she feels something, a warm, pulsing feeling in her chest and she blushes hard at the contact
She lies in bed for hours, tossing and turning over what it means, before realizing what it is
Its love
Duke had heard of girls loving girls before, mostly from her parents questioning if she did, because clearly with those looks she won't be attracting any men
Realizing that she wasn't getting any sleep anyway, she heads online and scrolls through page after page, eventually discovering that her experiences weren't unique, and that there was a whole group of people like her called lesbians, a group that all supported each other and reminded each other that their feelings were valid
She comes to two more, rather upsetting realizations that night
1.) Chandler and Mac are also lesbians, it is so obvious to anyone who pays attention for more than 5 minutes
2.) They're gay for each other, and would choose each other over her every time
That realization hits her like a train
Of course, the two people she falls in love with are in love with each other, and probably have been for years
With how oblivious they are she could probably get with one of them without them realizing their feelings for the other, but she decides against that
She would be just an awful person to break them apart, and they were in love with each other first, its only fair that they get first dibs
The thought makes Duke bitter, but she resigns herself to her fate
Its because of these feelings that she looks forward to their first Remington Party
Free Booze is free booze after all
Heading into the party is like stepping into a different dimension
For once, heading into a room full of people doesn't mean resigning herself to whatever torment people have planned for her, no now she has heads turning for other reasons
After they are introduced to the host David, who Duke finds to be rather creepy, everyone treats them like they've been friends for years, despite never meeting before today
They head straight to the drink table, where Duke grabs the nearest solo cup and starts chugging, and as the effects of the alcohol kick in she feels her worries melt away
She vaguely notices Chandler begin to walk away from them with David, but sobers up when she hears what she whispers to her
"Look after Mac, don't let her go anywhere with anyone, especially men"
The reality of the situation sets in for her, and she quickly puts down her cup
She realizes that most of these men, despite them being minors, want to have sex with them, and that's why most of them are being so nice to them
She also realizes why Chandler went into the back room with David
She spends the entire night watching Mac like a hawk, making sure no one puts anything in her drink, keeping her away from any sleazy guys, and putting a stop to her drinking once she becomes too intoxicated
Eventually Chandler returns and they make their exit
They head to Mac's place to spend the night, and as they get her settled in Duke pulls Chandler to the side, demanding an explanation
Chandler, for the first time Duke had ever seen, breaks down into tears, and Duke holds her while she bawls into her shoulder
It continues for a good long while before Chandler is able to gain her composure and explain between sobs what she had to do with David
Duke is horrified and suggests calling the police or even murder, but Chandler stops her, telling her that David is the key to their popularity
He has influence over the college students, telling others how cool the Heathers were, which they then pass down to the high schoolers, creating a sort of mystical aura around them, because everyone will think 'wow look at the Heathers, they hang around in college parties, they're so cool and we don't want to mess with them'
But what David giveth David can taketh away, and if she doesn't do what he wants then their popularity goes bye bye
Duke tries to tell her that it's not worth it, but Chandler tells her to shut up, and that she will do anything to keep the three of them safe from bullying, and if this is the price she has to pay, then so be it
She also begs her not to tell Mac, and that it'll break her heart
Duke is unconvinced but eventually gives in and agrees to not tell Mac
She also decides that if she ever sees David in a back alley on a dark night, well, you can imagine what will happen
Their first day of freshmen year arrives quicker than she expected, and Duke is excited
She is ready to not be a loser anymore, to walk strong in the halls and not let things bother her
They enter the building as a pack, in synchronized motions as they strut to their lockers, all other students parting for them
Duke quickly gets a hang of her role in their clique
She, through the students in the yearbook, which she became the head of only a few weeks into the school year, will get the latest gossip
She passes on this information to Chandler, and they decide what needs to be done, and if it involves her, she will carry out whatever Chandler needs her to do
Its simple, yet effective
They quickly become infamous for their unforgiving judgement of those they deem unworthy, and the few people that remember how they were in middle school and try to harass them quickly back off
Because of her status, the nerds do her homework, and her grades skyrocket
Her parents quickly took notice, and started to treat her better
Gone were the hours of yelling and lectures and beatings, now she was praised like her siblings, and with that she finally understood her parents for who they were
They didn't care about her, they only cared about how she reflected on them
**Line break bc word count limit**
And while it was nice to not be punished every time she so much as breathed, she hated how it took so little for their attitudes to shift so dramatically
She once again resolved to leave at 18, getting the hell outta Sherwood, maybe going to California or Seattle or somewhere far away
Things were going great, until one day she saw Mac and Chandler holding hands at the lunch table
She quickly put two and two together, congratulating them on their relationship
They both started blushing and trying to deny it, but Duke only laughed and told them that they were so obvious
Internally, Duke felt like absolute shit
Sure, she knew this would happen eventually, but being reminded that the two girls she loved would never love her back, and even worse they loved each other, hurt
She quickly excused herself before heading into their bathroom and vomiting her guts out
She felt so ugly, so unworthy of love, so... fat
Again, going into little detail here, she started exercising way more, eating even less and vomiting even more
Chandler and Mac noticed and tried to talk to her about it, but Duke gave some meaningless words about how she was working on it
And so her high school life continued
She would eat, purge, collect gossip, respond to gossip, run, eat, purge, run, eat, purge, and so on
She did everything she could to hide her purging from the other two
It wasn't really necessary, they both knew, but Duke saw it as a weakness and she didn't want them to think she was weak
One day, the pattern that had been routine over the past few years came to a screeching halt
It was her 17th birthday party
Her parents were mercifully out of town, as her sister Helen was getting married, so they were able to use her house to throw a party
Chandler had gifted her this red dress which was absolutely gorgeous
When they had decided colors for their outfits she had wanted red, as it was her favorite color, but Chandler had already claimed red so she was forced to settle on green
But she had told Duke that it was her special day, so she deserved to wear red
Unlike the other parties Chandler was looking after Mac, leaving her free to drink as much as she pleased
Alcohol freed her in a way, melting down the walls of stress and hate that she constructed around her heart
She, for the few blissful hours that the alcohol worked its way through her bloodstream, forgot about her parents, her crushes, her bulimia, and let everything and anything fall to the wayside as she lived in the moment
She went around, talking to everyone and anyone, not caring to uphold the facade of popularity, just enjoying the deafening music and the sights of her drunken classmates
She went over to Mac to see how she was doing and she looked a little off, but Duke brushed it off as the alcohol
She would later come to find out that she was incredibly mistaken
Later while she was heading up stairs she ran into Chandler, who had the same strange look on her face
Upon seeing her Chandler seemed panicked, before rushing into the nearest bathroom
Duke shrugged it off as her needing to vomit, its not like she has much room to talk there
The party eventually ended and everyone went home, but she couldn't get her mind off of the weird looks on her friend's faces
She brought it up at lunch the next day, asking if they had drank something weird, to which Chandler blurted out in an unusually loud tone that yeah, they had drank something weird, right Mac?
Mac jolted before quickly agreeing with her
Now Duke considers herself to be pretty smart and she knows they're lying out of their asses, but about what exactly?
Was something going on between them? She knows they're dating so maybe they had a fight? Or, what if they were planning on kicking her out of the Heathers? Or, maybe she's just seeing things that aren't there
Or, maybe, as a small voice in her heads tells her, maybe they have a crush on her?
It would line up, both of them have been blushing a lot and only around her and usually whenever she says something, and Chandler has been unable to keep up the stone-cold facade she usually wears while they're at school, and being around her crush would probably do that to her
She immediately rushes to the bathroom before vomiting up what little she was able to eat during the lunch period
ThEy HaVe A cRuSh oN hEr yeah right, why would anyone want to date her?
All she is, is an ugly, fat, worthless, disgusting person, and any delusions that she's worthy of love is just wishful thinking
The next week is one of the worst of her entire life, and that's saying something
She does her best to avoid the other Heathers, spending much of her time in the back corner of the library, just trying to block out all of the voices in her head
The other two notice and try to look for her, but she just avoids them, not wanting to confront the reality that they don't like her and only keep her around for her connections
She cries herself to sleep each night, not getting a wink of rest
It gets even worse when on Friday Chandler "invites" her to a sleepover
Invites in quotations because there is no choice, she has to go, it is not an option
She prepares herself for what could possibly be the worst day of her life, taking a deep breath before knocking on the door to Mac's mansion
It looks like a normal sleepover, and starts like one too
They watch some youtube, gossip, the usual
She notices both Chandler and Mac are a little fidgety, obviously waiting for something
She knows what it is, they're gonna tell her that she's out of the Heathers, they only set this up to give her the news easily, she's such a stupid, worthless pig who can't even-
Mac leans over before giving her a deep kiss
Duke, on autopilot, immediately starts kissing back, before her brain wakes up and realizes that SHE IS KISSING HEATHER MCNAMARA HOLY SHIT and quickly kicks away from her to the opposite side of the couch, on the verge of a panic attack
She vaguely hears Chandler say 'goddamnit Mac you weren't supposed to just kiss her like that' before they both slowly make their way over to where Duke lays
She shrinks into the couch, trying to bury her head in a pillow before they try and convince her to just talk to them
She adamantly refuses, preferring to just melt into the couch
The other two decide to just fuck up before pulling her up and forcing her to look at them
Duke immediately bursts into tears, apologizing profusely and saying that she understands if they hate her and that she'll leave and-
This time Chandler is the one to give her a big ol smooch, shutting her right up
Now Duke is super confused, to which they say they owe her an explanation
They tell her the story of what happened at the party, ending with their discussion of their feelings and decision to try and ask her out
Chandler explained that they were going to wait to bring it up more naturally, but someone got tired of waiting and just had to make a move
Duke is stunned
She cannot believe that they actually like her and want to do a three-way relationship with her, it just refuses to register in her mind
The voices in her head are screaming at each other, one saying that this is exactly what she wanted, the others screaming that she would disgust them by showing them the real her, or that this was all a trick
Duke is tired of it all and says fuck it before pulling them both into a tight hug and giving them a kiss, giving her answer
Things become fucking amazing
She finally knows what it feels like to be loved, and its an intoxicating feeling
She wants to be around them constantly, wanting their touch, their love, them
**Line break bc word count limit**
At the start Chandler and Mac are happy to indulge their gfs desires
They can see that she hasn't had the best life, and this is her first relationship and she's just getting used to the feeling
And, its just Duke being a bit affectionate and clingy, it's not a problem
But after a while it becomes a problem
Duke gets extremely upset whenever they can't spend time together, to the point of panic attacks and crying fits
Whenever they aren't together, their phones are blowing up with calls and texts from Duke
When they have to leave, Duke literally grabs them, begging for them to stay and to not leave her
And whenever they aren't there, her bulimia gets 10x worse and she can't help but throw her guts up
This alarms all of them
Chandler and Mac because their gf literally can't be apart from them without having a breakdown, and Duke because of how dependent on them she's become in such a short amount of time and how volatile her emotions have become
Its like a floodgate just opened and all of the repressed emotions flowed out and they'res no way to stop them
Eventually the three of them sit down, and Chandler and Duke explain that while they love her, she needs some help if their relationship is going to continue
Duke acquiesces, saying that she knows, but she cannot control it
Its like her body is on autopilot
Mac explains that she probably needs to talk to a professional, to which Duke counters that her parents would never let her, they don't believe that mental health is a thing
Mac then says that she already thought of that, and that her therapist Dr. Fleming (Duke has a look of horror at those words, before Mac quickly explains that she's Ms. Fleming's sister and is much more chill) scheduled two more appointments per week for her, but due to some schedule conflicts she will be unable to make those, and only if there was another patient named Heather who could go in during those times
Duke is stunned and a little unsure, but with some encouragement she eventually agrees
The day of the first meeting arrives and Duke is on the verge of tears due to nervousness, but her gfs are there to support her, and she goes in
She enters the office and sees a woman who looks remarkably like Ms. Fleming, to the point that she could easily mistake her for her, before making her way to the chair
Ultimately the meeting goes better than Duke could have ever hoped
Dr. Fleming is really nice and caring, but most importantly understanding and trustworthly
She lets Duke vent about all the fucked up shit she's dealt with over her entire life, not interrupting or anything, just letting her talk
When she finishes Dr. Fleming guides her to some conclusions about her behavior and mindset and how it all draws back to her parents, telling her that as a young child she most likely took all of her parents harsh attacks against her as truth and internalized it, establishing as truth in her mind that she is all of these things that her parents told her she was
Her bulimia, self-depreciating thoughts and all of her issues stemmed from a self-image formed from the perceptions of people who did not want the best for her and who did not love her, and over the course of their sessions she would have to unlearn what her parents taught her before re-forming her self image with the real truth
As for her newly acquired clinginess, it comes from her anxiety that they will leave her, and she just has to remind herself that they won't, they've always come back before
She ends by telling Duke that this will all get easier over time, and to not beat herself up if she makes a mistake or takes a few steps back
Therapy and healing is not a process one can streamline or a set path, its a journey that one has to go on
She also prescribes Duke some ADHD and Dyslexia meds (idk if Dyslexia meds are a thing, if they aren't insert whatever people use to deal with dyslexia)
Over the next few months Duke's mental state improves dramatically
Thought much hard work, tears, and encouragement from her gfs, her need to purge subsides for the most part
There are still days where she feels the need to, but they are getting fewer and fewer, as are the days where she actually goes through with it
Every time her gfs aren't disappointed with her, they don't yell at her or demean her, they remind her that she's beautiful and and that they love her
Speaking of her gfs, her need to be around them also subsides, having gone through many exercises where she worked on controlling her emotions while they weren't around, eventually making it so she could be away from them for significant periods of time
In addition, her new meds allowed her to start reading without the words flying off the page or her concentration slipping, and something that she once detested became a favorite pastime of hers
She continued the bi-weekly meetings with Dr. Fleming, and she really helped her out
Duke entered her senior year of high school a changed woman, no longer having a cloud of darkness following her everywhere she went
Sure, Westerberg was a shithole, but she had her gfs and that's all that mattered
Unfortunately the need to purge overwhelmed her that day and she was unable to control it, so they headed into the bathroom while she vomited
While she calmed down she heard Ms. Fleming enter and start berating them, before standing up and seeing a girl in a rather strange outfit hand her a note
Veronica Sawyer
No TWs because surprise surprise Veronica's childhood didn't suck major ass
This one is also gonna be a whole lot shorter bc not much happens until she joins the Heathers, when they called her a nobody it was the truth
Veronica was born on January 16th, 200X
Her family was your average, suburban middle-class family
Her dad worked in a office in a nearby city for a company that Veronica could never remember the name of
Her mom was a stay at home mom and stayed with her until it was time for her to start school
Side note whenever I imagine her parents I think of them as Marty's parents from Back to the Future before he changes the past
The Sawyers were relatively well off, they had a decent sized house, two cars, and could afford to go on vacation every year
They were also a loving family, both parents doting on Veronica
She was a very intelligent child, picking up on things very quickly
She had a first-grade reading level before even going into preschool and could write simple sentences at the same time
She also had a strong moral fiber, demonstrated when during a playdate organized by some members of the neighborhood, some kids were picking on a girl, and Veronica told them off
The other kid's parents went cry to their parents and started a huge fuss, but Veronica's parents stood their ground and told them that their child was bullying another and Veronica only made them stop, and that they're just mad that their child got caught and are facing the repercussions of their actions and actually have to parent
You can see where Veronica got it from
The other parents huffed and left and Veronica quickly made friends with the girl she saved, who she learned was named Betty and actually lived next door to her
They continued to play together, even carpooling when they started daycare
They were thankfully seated at a table together along with a girl named Martha who they attempted to befriend, but she rebuffed their efforts, instead choosing to play with an asian girl dressed in red
They shrugged it off and went on with their lives
Things stayed the same for the next few years
Veronica and Betty would hang out, go to school, play, usual kid things
While in elementary school, Veronica was placed into the gifted program, being taken out of class to work on things that were closer to her intellectual ability
But things changed when they went to middle school
They got bigger, that was the trigger, like the Huns invading Rome
Her and Betty quickly found themselves at the bottom of the hierarchy, much to her confusion
She was friendly and kind to everyone, she didn't cause trouble or do anything to make anyone hate her, so why all of a sudden did everyone?
She realized that they were stuck at their position, and the best thing to do would be to lie low
She had tried to stand up for herself, but it also became clear that teachers favored the more popular students and would defend them, much to her chagrin
She was enraged at the unfairness of it all, and upon talking to her parents about it she understood that there wasn't much she could do
Sometimes life was just like that, and the sooner she understood that the easier her life would be
They both also told her that they weren't exactly the most popular people in school either, but that once high school ended things became a lot better
They never had to see those people again, and people grew up and out of it
Plus, karma came for them eventually
They both gave examples of how their bullies died from overdoses, drunk driving accidents, or were in prison for heinous crimes
They told her that she was a good person, and to keep doing what she was doing, because she was doing alright
Her perceptions solidified, she returned to the monotony of school
Her and Betty tired to stay out of the way, but it seemed like they just sought them out to harass them
With much reluctance they just took it, knowing that even if they told an authority figure nothing would be done anyway, not to the precious football players and cheerleaders who would get kicked off their teams if they got a disciplinary report against them
Every day Veronica took a deep breath and reminded herself that they would get what they deserved one day
She also began to keep a diary at the suggestion of her parents, transcribing her day and helping her work through her feelings on all of the bullshit she dealt with
Around this time her parents got her a tabby cat for her birthday, which she named JFK after a president she really admired
JFK was a lazy ass cat that just sat around all day, but he was very beloved by all members of the Sawyer household
This stayed true until 8th grade, when while in line for lunch she heard shouting from across the cafeteria
She saw Martha Dunnstock yelling at Heather Duke, shouting things that she couldn't make out
Eventually she ceased her rants and stormed out the cafeteria
Veronica made a split second decision to follow her into the hall, where she saw her slump against the wall and curl into a ball
She tried to talk to her but Martha couldn't hear her over her sobs, so Veronica just sat by her, patting her back and offering soothing words while she calmed down
Eventually Betty joined them, and once Martha stopped crying they introduced themselves before asking what happened out there
She explained that her only friend was ignoring her and she tried to confront her about it, but she would say anything and it just made her so fucking pissed
Veronica then invited her to sit with them and the rest is history
This also awakened in Veronica a need to fix problems for other people, as it was something she felt like she could do to help out
While they did find themselves significantly more bullied than they were before, she was okay with it, because she helped out someone who desperately needed it
They entered high school and things became even worse, but she just stood tall and took it
A new group flew to the top, called the Heathers, including Heather Duke, and because of this they seemed to have it out for Martha, and by extension her and Betty
She could expect on a given day to have rumors spread about them, things smacked out of their hands, notebooks thrown across the gym, and everything else the demented minds of the popular students of Westerberg high could come up with
She put up with this for three years, every week, every period just constant bullshit
She wanted so hard to retaliate, hit back, call them names and throw their things
But she couldn't, not only because she would get punished for it, but also because she knew she was above that
She refused to stoop down to their levels
And yet, she longed to be the one looking down upon the peasants of Westerberg, forcing her will onto the student population
She knew it wasn't right, but the idea of being able to finally be free of everything was an amazing thought
Going into senior year she decided that she was done just sitting around and taking it, she was gonna fight back
Lunch came around and Ram Sweeney was being his usual dick self, and after he smacked her tray she got in a good line about him spending the rest of his life as a gas station attendant
Unfortunately it backfired and she was forced to flee into a bathroom
On top of that, she accidentally wandered into the Heather's bathroom, realizing this once she heard their voices reverberate off the tiled walls
She stayed quiet and thankfully they didn't notice her
She heard the sounds of what she assumed was Heather Duke vomiting, before hearing Ms. Fleming come in
Fleming was out to get the Heathers, she let everyone know it, and while Veronica agreed with the sentiment she wishes she wouldn't be so open about her hatred of some teenage girls, it just made her sound pathetic and weird
**Text break bc word count limit**
She heard Fleming start her spiel, and knowing the Heathers were about to get in trouble she started to grin, before it quickly faded, knowing that they would find some way to get out of it
Then an idea struck, one that would alter the course of her life forever
She had picked up forging handwriting as a skill while bored in class
She would try and replicate her teacher's handwriting as accurately as possible while they droned on, and eventually she was able to apply the skills she got from that to anyone's handwriting
She quickly scribbled down a note in the yearbook director's handwriting, before taking a deep breath and stepping out, telling Fleming that they were all out on a hall pass, yearbook....
(yeah ik this one kinda sucked, but Veronica was a nobody who just so happened to be placed in a situation that she could take advantage of, and before that she lived a normal life and didn't do much to change it)
From here I'm gonna tell the story of Senior Year to get to the status quo that the rest of my stories/headcannons are based off of. It'll shift POVs depending on whose perspective can add the most to the story
It's so long, in fact, that I decided to break it into two parts to make it easier to read and giving you the ability to take a break in the middle of the story
#heathers#heathers the musical#heather chandler#heather duke#heather mcnamara#veronica sawyer#poly!heathers+veronica#poly!heathersxveronica#heathers headcannons#heathers au
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Secondo is a man that enjoys items, trinkets, little objects. Outwardly he is stoic and cold but he shows his sensitivity through what he keeps. His mother Rebecca was a socialite in the late 30s/early 40s and so upon her death Secondo inherited her vast fine jewelry collection. He sold off most of it to help his family settle in a new home after his retirement but kept a few sentimental pieces.
Cartier Ladies Gold and Enameled Lighter
His mother's personal lighter up until her death. It was supposedly a gift from a suitor that she promptly dumped to join the Church. She saw her son become Papa Elect but not Papa Emeritus and since inheriting the lighter Secondo has kept it on his person. The lighter always looked too small in his large hands when he used it but who would ever question the fearsome Papa II? He's quit smoking for almost eight years, but still keeps it in a lapel pocket. He says it's just habit now. He says.
1930s Hamilton White Gold and Sapphire wristwatch
The young debutant received the watch on her fourteenth birthday and she rarely took it off since. One of Secondo's earliest fascinations was with the little watch. He has maintained it in some way since he was seven and the 90 year old piece is still in very good condition. His wife often wears it on special occasions.
Gold, Nephrite, and Diamond Lily of the Valley Brooch
His personal favorite of Rebecca's collection. It amuses him that the flower is associated with luck but also very poisonous. In his retirement job of Funeral Director he wears it often on the lapel of his fine suits.
My Fic List
#papa emeritus ii#ghost band headcanons#ghost fandom#idk i just really wanted to write this today because im fascinated with him
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I was just learning the fact that Cornelia and Kitty fought Eliza for the inheritance, I knew her brothers did it but I didn't know about the sisters. I was surprised because they seemed to be close with her before their father's death. I know Kitty and EH reconciled because they became closer in later years, but what was her relationship with Cornelia? Did Cornelia die still fighting for the inheritance or did they reconcile? And in general how all of this affected Eliza's relationships with her siblings? (I wonder how AH would have helped EH in all of this if he were alive. Perhaps PH would have named him as one of his executors of his last will)
The dispute between Eliza and her siblings seems to have grown out of what they felt was over-generosity towards her from Philip Schuyler's attempts to financially assist her after AH's death. There were rumors of him giving her cash, and then there was the matter of the land deed executed before PS's death.
[So without AH dying, I doubt the dispute would have happened. And yes, I think AH would have been one of the executors of PS's will had he been alive. The three executors were Philip Jeremiah Schuyler (his son), JB Church (son-in-law), and Stephen van Rensselaer (former son-in-law/Margarita's widower).]
Specifically, when EH went up to Albany in August 1804, PS set in motion a plan to give her a land deed of 80 acres of his property in Albany - he notes in letters in July/early August/September how much he wants to assist her and her children by whatever means possible, emotional and spiritual support, but also financial support.
The paper deed was executed but not delivered to her, however, before she returned to NY and prior to PS's death. As such, some of her siblings argued that the 80 acres deed was null and the property should be counted towards the inheritance for all 8 children (or their children, as two of PS's kids were already dead - Margarita and John Bradstreet) and split. This is what led to the fight with Caty/Kitty and Cornelia's husbands, as EH is clear in a letter to her brother Philip Jeremiah that she believed her brothers'-in-law, G. Washington Morton (married Cornelia 1796) and Samuel Malcolm (married Kitty 1803) were behind this effort. To be clear, EH fought that the 80 acre deed should be hers exclusively; took about 5 years to resolve, but it was and she sold it, as she especially claimed to need the money to pay for her children's education. Read more here: Schuyler Mansion State Historic Site: Schuyler Siblings Land Squabble
Cornelia died in 1808, and it's not clear where their relationship stood, as the issue was still unresolved at the time. They were clearly still tight in Nov 1804, prior to PS's death: The Eliza Papers — Elizabeth Hamilton to Philip Schuyler, 1804 (tumblr.com). To read my posts on Cornelia and her terrible husband (Philip Schuyler disliked him! So he lost a bunch of PS's papers! ), see here: 46ten — How not to behave at Philip Schuyler’s home (tumblr.com); 46ten — Schuyler elopements (tumblr.com)
To read more about Kitty and Samuel Malcolm, who had been John Adams' secretary, see here: 46ten — Sister Church is still with us. She goes in less... (tumblr.com); 46ten — 46ten: Kitty, who is looking over my shoulder,…... (tumblr.com) 46ten — Philip Schuyler, described by his youngest... (tumblr.com); 46ten — Philip Schuyler to Elizabeth Hamilton, 1797 (tumblr.com)
Cornelia (b 1776) and Kitty (b 1781 - she would have been named GW Schuyler if a boy! or so claimed PS in his letter to GW, likely part of an attempt to assuage any ill feelings over his brand new son-in-law pulling the stunt he had, which AH also would not have pulled if PS wasn't his father-in-law) knew 'Brother Hamilton,' as they called him, their whole lives and were very close to him. Both girls spent time living with the Hamiltons in Philadelphia and NYC. They also had children named Alexander Hamilton Morton (b 1800) and Alexander Hamilton Malcolm (b 1815), respectively, so it doesn't seem that their husbands objected to EH and her husband all THAT much, but once money is involved....
See some speculation on the relationship between EH and Kitty here: Schuyler Mansion State Historic Site: My Dear Sister: Eliza and Caty Post-Schuyler Sisters Land Squabble
To the rumors that PS had given EH thousands of dollars, that seems very unlikely, as he was notably cash poor. But over the years, PS undoubtedly supported the Hamiltons financially, providing them not only with goods from his farms and mills, but cash to EH for paying for the boys' education (particularly while AH was Sect of Treas, which makes AH's efforts to make sure bonds were funded pretty self-interested - there's quite a lot of "I'm not benefiting!" while his closest family and friends, many of whom provide him funds outright, or provide him with goods, or give him interest-free loans, are benefiting handsomely.)
Some of the siblings could have been resentful, not only of PS's support but of his general favoritism towards the Hamiltons - see here for PS sending his son Rensselaer to live with the Hamiltons to learn from their good example: 46ten — Philip Schuyler to Elizabeth Hamilton, Albany,... (tumblr.com). But PS seems to have helped out all his kids - or at least once he reconciled himself to their poor choices in spouses - EH may have been the only one who chose a spouse PS approved of from the beginning! He saved timber for the Churches to build a home, provides funds and property to his sons, etc.
Post PS's death, EH's relationship with her brother Philip Jeremiah, for example, seems fine The Eliza Papers — Philip J Schuyler (tumblr.com), she's just admonishing him for not doing more to help her resolve the claims and points out that people are talking about how little help her brothers - PJ and Rensselaer - are providing, considering how much the Hamiltons' friends have stepped up to help her.
The other matter that persists between the siblings was much older - the division of the estate Catharine Van Rensselaer had inherited (parts of the Claverack) - which was a legal fight practically from the time AH joins the family, and one in which he offered advice. There's definitely "when is that every going to be settled!" angst between the siblings so they can finally resolve the matter of their mother's inheritance.
#Philip Schuyler#alexander hamilton#elizabeth schuyler hamilton#cornelia schuyler#Catharine VR Schuyler Malcolm#Rensselaer Schuyler#Philip Jeremiah Schuyler
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Winslow Homer, Sailboat and Fourth of July Fireworks, 1880
* * * *
I Am Waiting By Lawrence Ferlinghetti I am waiting for my case to come up and I am waiting for a rebirth of wonder and I am waiting for someone to really discover America and wail and I am waiting for the discovery of a new symbolic western frontier and I am waiting for the American Eagle to really spread its wings and straighten up and fly right and I am waiting for the Age of Anxiety to drop dead and I am waiting for the war to be fought which will make the world safe for anarchy and I am waiting for the final withering away of all governments and I am perpetually awaiting a rebirth of wonder I am waiting for the Second Coming and I am waiting for a religious revival to sweep thru the state of Arizona and I am waiting for the Grapes of Wrath to be stored and I am waiting for them to prove that God is really American and I am waiting to see God on television piped onto church altars if only they can find the right channel to tune in on and I am waiting for the Last Supper to be served again with a strange new appetizer and I am perpetually awaiting a rebirth of wonder I am waiting for my number to be called and I am waiting for the Salvation Army to take over and I am waiting for the meek to be blessed and inherit the earth without taxes and I am waiting for forests and animals to reclaim the earth as theirs and I am waiting for a way to be devised to destroy all nationalisms without killing anybody and I am waiting for linnets and planets to fall like rain and I am waiting for lovers and weepers to lie down together again in a new rebirth of wonder I am waiting for the Great Divide to be crossed and I am anxiously waiting for the secret of eternal life to be discovered by an obscure general practitioner and I am waiting for the storms of life to be over and I am waiting to set sail for happiness and I am waiting for a reconstructed Mayflower to reach America with its picture story and tv rights sold in advance to the natives and I am waiting for the lost music to sound again in the Lost Continent in a new rebirth of wonder I am waiting for the day that maketh all things clear and I am awaiting retribution for what America did to Tom Sawyer and I am waiting for Alice in Wonderland to retransmit to me her total dream of innocence and I am waiting for Childe Roland to come to the final darkest tower and I am waiting for Aphrodite to grow live arms at a final disarmament conference in a new rebirth of wonder I am waiting to get some intimations of immortality by recollecting my early childhood and I am waiting for the green mornings to come again youth’s dumb green fields come back again and I am waiting for some strains of unpremeditated art to shake my typewriter and I am waiting to write the great indelible poem and I am waiting for the last long careless rapture and I am perpetually waiting for the fleeing lovers on the Grecian Urn to catch each other up at last and embrace and I am awaiting perpetually and forever a renaissance of wonder
[via "Alive On All Channels"]
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Survey
What are three names you like that start with the same letter as your first name?
Amalia, Annika, Anjali
How old will you turn on your next birthday?
33 :/
What are three things you like about your birth month (besides it being the month your birthday is in)?
It's usually warm and sunny but not too blazing, it's Pride month and everything looks gay
And what are three things you dislike about it?
Sometimes it rains, I get older and it's the month we have a big work event every year
List three celebrities that are the same height as you.
Danny de Vito, Melissa Rauch, Judy Garland
Are you happy with your height or do you wish you were taller/shorter?
Taller. Much, much taller.
Which family member did you inherit your hair colour from?
My dad.
List three things in nature that are the same colour as your eyes.
Moss, fir trees, algae
What was your favourite class in high school?
English and Arts
How many sisters do you have?
Two.
How many brothers do you have?
Zero.
If you had a twin sister, what would she be named?
Salome? That's the name I was almost given.
How many dogs did you have in your lifetime?
One (Luna) for a very short amount of time. We only had her for three months, then we had to give her back to the shelter, unfortunately. She was sold to us as a "family dog", but she had been severely abused and re-building her trust in people would have required an expert's knowledge, not that of a first-time dog owner, and time that I as a full-time employee did not have. In the end, it was better for her to find someone better suited to her needs.
How many cats have you had in your lifetime?
Two: Kaveri (bless his little heart, he is now in his final resting place 💔) and our current cat Bertha
Do you prefer dogs or cats?
I like both, but cats flock to me naturally.
Where was your dad born?
Berlin, Germany.
Where was your mum born?
Berlin, Germany.
Where were you born?
Three guesses.... Berlin, Germany.
Have you ever met anyone unrelated to you with the same surname as you?
No, but it's common, so I'm sure I will at one point in my life.
How many sisters-in-laws do you have?
Technically 5, but Izzy only grew up with two of them. The other 3 are her half sisters.
How many brothers-in-laws do you have?
Two
How many nieces do you have?
Technically 7. My own sister has three daughters to whom I'm not allowed contact, my sister-in-law has twin daughters and one of Izzy's half sisters got two daughters as well, but Izzy's got no contact to said half sister. So I only really know two of my nieces
How many nephews do you have?
6. One of my sisters-in-law has a son, the other has two. Then Izzy's half sister to whom she has no contact has two sons and my brother-in-law who Izzy also cut off due to transphobic behaviour has a son as well.
How many of your grandparents are still living?
One.
What are three things you have been complimented on?
My organisational skills, my intellect and my humour
What is your dream job?
Probably an employee in a cat cafe or something.
Do you consider yourself religious?
I believe in God, but I wouldn't call myself religious.
When was the last time you stepped foot into a Church?
A good few years ago. I have a complicated relationship to the Church and like to separate it from my faith.
Do you regularly attend a Church? Why or why not?
I used to. I grew up very religious, going to Church was normal for me. However, it's a breeding ground for abusers. I was sexually and emotionally abused by Church members of different Churches and different affiliations, which made me lose hope in the Church as an institution. I still believe in God, but I am of the opinion that you can live your faith without attending Church.
Have you ever been to a mosque?
No.
Have you ever been to a synagogue?
No.
What is your favourite religious holiday?
Christmas.
If applicable, does your faith mean a lot to you?
It does, but I don't try and convert people. I also stopped believing in the kind of God that is spoken about by so-called Christians. I have read the Bible three times and attended Bible studies, so I know the historical context of the Scriptures and know that the reason a lot of the rules in the Bible exists is because it served a purpose at that time, especially hygienic reasons. Also, that book was written over 1,000 years ago by cishet men who couldn't imagine homosexual people even being a thing. And also, Jesus never mentioned gay people. At all. That was Paul, and he hated women, too. Don't listen to that misogynistic prick. In other words, yes, my faith means a lot to me personally, but I practice it within the confines of its historical and logical context.
Do you have the same worldview as your parents?
Absolutely not. They're creationists and while they accept me being queer, they think it wasn't intended for me to be so and that originally, God had other plans for me. We butt heads over it a lot.
Have you ever attended a Christian school?
Yes, twice. Though with all the bullying taking place there, you'd hardly know it.
Have you ever been baptised and if so, when or where?
Yes, when I was 14 in a big pool at my Church.
Are you happy with the current state of your nation?
No, Germany is becoming more and more right-wing and xenophobic, so as a queer person, it definitely worries me.
How many different medications do you take each day?
Three: Blood pressure pill, diabetes prevention and antidepressant
Which medication do you hate the most and why?
I'm frustrated I'm reliant on antidepressants, they also reduce my fertility which is already a problem and they sometimes give me auditory hallucinations.
Is your current doctor male or female?
Female.
Do you prefer male or female doctors? Why?
Male, just because female doctors often include me in this "us women" speak, which gives me dysphoria.
How is your mental health?
F***ed. I suffer chronic depression and anxiety disorder and lately, I've felt more burnt out than usual.
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Our God is a Consuming Fire
1 Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us,
2 Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.
3 For consider him that endured such contradiction of sinners against himself, lest ye be wearied and faint in your minds.
4 Ye have not yet resisted unto blood, striving against sin.
5 And ye have forgotten the exhortation which speaketh unto you as unto children, My son, despise not thou the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of him:
6 For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth.
7 If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not?
8 But if ye be without chastisement, whereof all are partakers, then are ye bastards, and not sons.
9 Furthermore we have had fathers of our flesh which corrected us, and we gave them reverence: shall we not much rather be in subjection unto the Father of spirits, and live?
10 For they verily for a few days chastened us after their own pleasure; but he for our profit, that we might be partakers of his holiness.
11 Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby.
12 Wherefore lift up the hands which hang down, and the feeble knees;
13 And make straight paths for your feet, lest that which is lame be turned out of the way; but let it rather be healed.
14 Follow peace with all men, and holiness, without which no man shall see the Lord:
15 Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled;
16 Lest there be any fornicator, or profane person, as Esau, who for one morsel of meat sold his birthright.
17 For ye know how that afterward, when he would have inherited the blessing, he was rejected: for he found no place of repentance, though he sought it carefully with tears.
18 For ye are not come unto the mount that might be touched, and that burned with fire, nor unto blackness, and darkness, and tempest,
19 And the sound of a trumpet, and the voice of words; which voice they that heard intreated that the word should not be spoken to them any more:
20 (For they could not endure that which was commanded, And if so much as a beast touch the mountain, it shall be stoned, or thrust through with a dart:
21 And so terrible was the sight, that Moses said, I exceedingly fear and quake:)
22 But ye are come unto mount Sion, and unto the city of the living God, the heavenly Jerusalem, and to an innumerable company of angels,
23 To the general assembly and church of the firstborn, which are written in heaven, and to God the Judge of all, and to the spirits of just men made perfect,
24 And to Jesus the mediator of the new covenant, and to the blood of sprinkling, that speaketh better things than that of Abel.
25 See that ye refuse not him that speaketh. For if they escaped not who refused him that spake on earth, much more shall not we escape, if we turn away from him that speaketh from heaven:
26 Whose voice then shook the earth: but now he hath promised, saying, Yet once more I shake not the earth only, but also heaven.
27 And this word, Yet once more, signifieth the removing of those things that are shaken, as of things that are made, that those things which cannot be shaken may remain.
28 Wherefore we receiving a kingdom which cannot be moved, let us have grace, whereby we may serve God acceptably with reverence and godly fear:
29 For our God is a consuming fire. — Hebrews 12 | King James Version (KJV) The King James Version Bible is in the public domain. Cross References: Genesis 4:10; Genesis 18:25; Genesis 25:33; Genesis 27:30; Exodus 15:17; Exodus 19:12-13; Exodus 19:16; Exodus 19:18; Exodus 20:22; Numbers 16:22; Deuteronomy 8:5; Deuteronomy 9:19; Deuteronomy 29:18; 2 Samuel 7:14; Job 5:17; Psalm 34:14; Psalm 109:24; Psalm 110:1; Psalm 119:75; Proverbs 4:26; Proverbs 24:10; Isaiah 19:22; Isaiah 24:23; Isaiah 34:4; Romans 13:12; 1 Corinthians 11:32; Philippians 2:8; Hebrews 5:7
#endurance#God#holiness#discipline#consuming fire#chastisement#sons#unshakable kingdom#The Epistle of Hebrews#Hebrews 12#New Testament#KJV#king james bible
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I Am Waiting, BY LAWRENCE FERLINGHETTI
I am waiting for my case to come up and I am waiting for a rebirth of wonder and I am waiting for someone to really discover America and wail and I am waiting for the discovery of a new symbolic western frontier and I am waiting for the American Eagle to really spread its wings and straighten up and fly right and I am waiting for the Age of Anxiety to drop dead and I am waiting for the war to be fought which will make the world safe for anarchy and I am waiting for the final withering away of all governments and I am perpetually awaiting a rebirth of wonder
I am waiting for the Second Coming and I am waiting for a religious revival to sweep thru the state of Arizona and I am waiting for the Grapes of Wrath to be stored and I am waiting for them to prove that God is really American and I am waiting to see God on television piped onto church altars if only they can find the right channel to tune in on and I am waiting for the Last Supper to be served again with a strange new appetizer and I am perpetually awaiting a rebirth of wonder
I am waiting for my number to be called and I am waiting for the Salvation Army to take over and I am waiting for the meek to be blessed and inherit the earth without taxes and I am waiting for forests and animals to reclaim the earth as theirs and I am waiting for a way to be devised to destroy all nationalisms without killing anybody and I am waiting for linnets and planets to fall like rain and I am waiting for lovers and weepers to lie down together again in a new rebirth of wonder
I am waiting for the Great Divide to be crossed and I am anxiously waiting for the secret of eternal life to be discovered by an obscure general practitioner and I am waiting for the storms of life to be over and I am waiting to set sail for happiness and I am waiting for a reconstructed Mayflower to reach America with its picture story and tv rights sold in advance to the natives and I am waiting for the lost music to sound again in the Lost Continent in a new rebirth of wonder
I am waiting for the day that maketh all things clear and I am awaiting retribution for what America did to Tom Sawyer and I am waiting for Alice in Wonderland to retransmit to me her total dream of innocence and I am waiting for Childe Roland to come to the final darkest tower and I am waiting for Aphrodite to grow live arms at a final disarmament conference in a new rebirth of wonder
I am waiting to get some intimations of immortality by recollecting my early childhood and I am waiting for the green mornings to come again youth’s dumb green fields come back again and I am waiting for some strains of unpremeditated art to shake my typewriter and I am waiting to write the great indelible poem and I am waiting for the last long careless rapture and I am perpetually waiting for the fleeing lovers on the Grecian Urn to catch each other up at last and embrace and I am awaiting perpetually and forever a renaissance of wonder
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Casual Mother Ask
sooo....
I asked my mom what church my grandmother and grandfather went to.
And I learned some things.
Apparently, my great grandfather on my mom's side of the family was a Faith Healer and founded some Christian Churches in Kentucky, Indiana and Illinois. She says he was one of the wealthiest men in Kentucky at one point, and that he had an epiphany one day, sold everything and became a Holiness Minister.
This is the same dude that lived to be 103 years old, was 6'8" and fought for the North in the Civil War, and married my very short, very Native American Grandmother.
My mother still has a binder full of sermons and music written by my grandfather, and a pewter bell cast from what used to be a mission bell from one of the churches that burned down.
I think I need to inherit these when she kicks the bucket.
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My mother bought a large floor-standing loom - newly built to 19th century plans - when I was a kid. It had a max width of 1 meter. She wove placemats and tablecloths out of linen (homespun from flax grown by my dad's parents), and wool fabric from the wool she had spun and dyed herself. She sewed a collection of skirt/waistcoat combos out of that fabric.
After a year spent travelling to country fairs and craft markets she concluded that you could not sell fabric craft items at a prize that gave you a fair wage.
A few years later, she inherited her mother-in-laws' genuine 19th century loom, which had a max width of 1.5 meters. We dismantled her first one and put up this behemoth in her craft room - they were both made to be flat-packable - and then my brother and I spent the evenings of a few weeks putting in the warp. Because we were small enough to crawl around inside it.
She wove a couple of beautiful altar cloths for our local church, and a few tablecloths, and then we took that loom down and put her first one up again, because it was more manageable.
After she passed away, my dad sold both looms cheaply, since neither my brother or I - nor our partners - had any interest in weaving. Rather than let them stand unused and forgotten, he preferred them to be used. It's what my mother would have wanted, too.
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#DailyDevotion The LORD Will Gather His People
#DailyDevotion The LORD Will Gather His People 3 "Look, in those days and at that time when I will restore Judah and Jerusalem, 2I will gather all nations and bring them down to the valley of Jehoshaphat , and there I will put them on trial for what they did to Israel, My people and My inheritance, whom they have scattered among the nations. They have divided My land, 3and cast lots for My people; they gave a boy for a prostitute, and sold a girl for wine and so that they might drink it. 3Now what have you to do with Me, Tyre and Sidon, and all the districts of Philistia? Are you paying Me back for something? If you are paying Me back, I will quickly and swiftly pay you back for what you did, 5because you took My silver and My gold and brought My fine treasures into your temples. 6You sold the people of Judah and Jerusalem to the Greeks.s so as to take them far away from their land. 7Look, I will stir them up to leave the place where you sold them and will punish you for what you did. 8I will sell your sons and your daughters into the hands of the people of Judah, who will sell them to the men of Sheba to bring them to a distant people." The Lord has spoken! We are looking here in verse one to the establishment of the New Jerusalem on the Last Day here in verse one. The gathering of the nations are symbolically talked about in verse 2 in Matt. 13 (parable of wheat and tares), Matt. 25 (sheep and goats), Rev. 9, and Rev. 19. I remember in my youth I was greatly worried about WWIII being the end of the world. Now that I have matured in my faith, I look forward to this last battle. WWIII may or may not be this battle. It may just be one more in a long line of battles up to the end. But this last, end time battle, is not one group of nations against another group of nations. It is all the nations, including the USA and the modern state of Israel, if they still exist at this time, against Jesus Christ and His Church. Take a guess how this is going to end for those nations and who is going to come out of it victoriously. My people and My inheritance, is not just speaking about ancient Israel and Judah. Keil and Delitzsch in their commentary note this also includes the treatment of the Church, you and I, until this great eschatological judgment. So the Assyrians, the Babylonians, the Greeks, and the Romans upon ancient Israel and Judah, and the treatment of the Church by the Romans, Islam and whatever country we, the Church, have existed since Pentecost. The LORD is going to swiftly bring these people into judgment. He will repay them for what they have done to His holy people. We need not fear what and how the people of the world treat us. The LORD avenges us. More importantly, the LORD will stir us up to leave the places the world has brought us to. He will send His holy angels to gather us up from our graves and transform we who are alive into our resurrected bodies. They will gather us up into Christ's kingdom where we will never lack, we will never die, we will never get sick, and we won't have any enemies any longer. All those who opposed the kingdom of Christ, who persecuted God's people will be gathered up and thrown into the lake of fire, prepared to torture the rebellious angels from the beginning of the world. They will never cause us to fear or be afraid again. They will experience there all they have done to the people of God and there will be no relief for them. The LORD has spoken! This is as good as done. So fear God only and let the world be terrified of the Almighty. Heavenly Father, may Your promises here, give us great comfort when the world opposes us and when Your terrible wonders cause unbelievers to fear Your judgment. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen. Read the full article
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Walking the Path
Thanks to no peanut munching during the evening TV watching, my blood sugar was down to 221 on Monday morning. Less tummy upset overnight as well, though I was awake for a couple of hours and needed some pain reliever to ease the body aches.
Having completed our morning brain games and our coffee we had some more oatmeal, we washed the sheets from our bed and did some various chores, which included a little computer work for a client. Then we did some prep for the dinner of chicken piccata and popped it in the slow cooker.
While the meal was cooking, we went to Dorris Ranch, near downtown Springfield, and walked about two and a half miles. We started out on a winding path through the forest and eventually came to the Middle Fork Path. We had seen the eastern end of the path during our recent visit to Clearwater Park.
The four-mile, 10-foot-wide path is a paved, multi-use trail that follows the course of the Middle Fork of the Willamette River. It runs through wooded areas and open fields, offering lots of lovely views of the river and the surrounding area. Portions of it run through private land, but one segment is surrounded by fencing with gates at each end that are evidently closed at some time and for some reason.
Near Jasper Road at Georgia Pacific Park, the Middle Fork Path connects to the three-mile Mill Race Path, which ends just south of downtown Springfield, a short distance from Island Park and the Eugene’s trail network.
We were not the only folks along the path, of course. In addition to walkers and dog walkers there were also bicyclists. Nancy and I will get our bikes down there one day to ride the entire four miles, but we first need to purchase a rack to carry them.
Since we’re only going to be shlepping the bikes short distances, we are opting for a rack that can be easily attached and removed. It is also less expensive than having a trailer hitch permanently fixed to the car that allows bike racks to be mounted.
Over the course of our walk, I took lots of pictures with my phone. I posted a dozen of them on Facebook, including shots of the river, various plants, and other interesting sights.
Our dinner consisted of the chicken piccata with rice and we also sliced up and fried a zucchini given to us by a friend at church. For dessert we enjoyed ice cream bars from Costco. They are like those sold by a big name company, but they are much cheaper.
Before diving into the evening’s streaming, we checked on the rising of the blue supermoon, a celestial occurrence that combines a supermoon, when the moon is closest to the Earth, and a blue moon, the third of four full moons in a single season.
Our TV viewing started with the first episode of the third season of “Under the Vines,” a comedy drama from New Zealand about two step-cousins who inherit a declining vineyard. Aussie star Rebecca Gibney plays one of the cousins. The opening credits roll with “Wintergreen,” by the East Pointers, a Canadian contemporary folk music group from Prince Edward Island. It’s a wonderfully upbeat tune that sticks in your head. Sadly, one of the three members died in 2022.
Then followed another episode of “Midsomer Murders.” The killings were done with a guillotine in place for the filming of a movie in one of Midsomer County’s many villages. Our main objection was that an actual guillotine would not have been needed for making a movie, but the rest of the story was entertaining, and five of the actors had also appeared in other episodes of the show. Looking ahead to the next series, when Tom Barnaby’s daughter Cully gets married, one of the guest stars is Charles Edwards, who plays the other cousin in “Under the Vines.”
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Gorgeous artwork is by Sailesh Thakrar
In The Mermaid’s Gift, an old family story about a mermaid encounter brings romance and drama.
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“My grandfather, Josiah Young…” he began, coughing as he always did. I once heard Grandmother say to Mum that she always knew the old boy was lying when he coughed, but I didn’t believe that. “…once saw a mermaid.”
The Mermaid’s Gift was my third story with The People’s Friend. It was also my first appearance in the weekly magazine rather than the monthly specials. It was released June 18th, 2016. The setting was 1840s Great Yarmouth.
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“Josiah hadn’t been a fisherman, like my father, myself and your fathers were. He had been a rippier, one of the men who took the net’s catch and sold it further inland. In fact, Josiah was afeared of water, yet he loved to walk the beach each day’s end to see the fall of the sun. That was where he saw it.”
Grandfather blew away the smoke cloud and we realised his eyes were shut. After a few minutes, we thought he’d fallen asleep. We all called for him to continue, asking what Josiah had seen.
His bushy eyebrow lifted as he opened a single eye.
“Why, the mermaid of course! I can’t be telling you everything. As the sky darkened to the colour of fire, he noticed a thousand sparkles, like light upon the water, but this was nowhere near the sea. It was back by the rocks, just barely peeking out. Josiah followed and there was the merwoman. The poor creature was trapped, with only a puddle of water to sustain her. She’d come in the hightide and got her tail caught.”
In The Mermaid’s Gift, it’s this story which triggers the plot. A man helps a trapped mermaid and receives something in return. A carved stone that can seek out the holder’s true love.
Net weaver Hetty has now inherited the stone, but when it leads her to fisherman Seb, can she really rely on good luck charms once doubts arise?
The People’s Friend publishes feel good fiction and prefers grounded, non-magical stories, but historical writers don’t always have to keep to a rigid realism vs fantasy theme. The past is a different world. Our ancestors believed in plenty of things we dismiss nowadays.
A macabre creature could turn out to be a shadow, ghostly encounters the work of a fraudulent medium, or a mermaid sighting dismissed as the tall tale of an old fisherman.
Even with a folkloric element, the main focus in this story was on the characters’ relationships, particularly Hetty and her reluctance to wed after her younger sister’s disastrous marriage.
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Seb unhooked our arms and lowered himself on one knee. The ring, which was as thin as a fishing lure and had a pearl in the centre, was held up.
My hand stretched out to touch it, to feel that it was real, but I paused. This wasn’t just a story my grandfather had told me. This was marriage, and fairy tales and magic stones could not hold it together.
Norfolk’s Mermaids
Legends about mermaids have intrigued people across the world, but why? Is it because of their close resemblance to humans, with most depictions showing them as beautiful women with fishy features, or do they speak to something deep inside us, something which yearns to explore the sea and discover the strange, wonderful things hiding within its dark depths?
Many of Norfolk’s villages and towns are on the coast, so it’s no surprise there’ve been plenty of mermaid encounters throughout the years. Mermaid Sand, near Snettisham, was apparently named after a dark-haired mermaid who would pluck off her tail and walk amongst humans in search of love.
However, Norfolk’s most popular mer myth is of the Sheringham mermaid. This strange visitor has been immortalised with a wood carving on one of the pews in All Saints church. The legend goes that the mermaid was drawn by the congregation’s singing, but being unable to transform into a human, she was forced to drag herself along the beach and sneak in at the back.
Explanations vary as to why mermaid stories are so prevalent, with the main one being drunken, feverish fishermen desperate for female company. Freakshows would also capitalise on the interest. Eager to get the crowds in, they stitched animals together to create a gruesome chimera, such as the Fiji mermaid in America, which was a mummified monkey and fish. Manatees, also known as sea cows, were also blamed for mermaid sightings. These chunky creatures were thought to look like women in the distance, by those drunken sailors from earlier, although, to me, they look more like pebbles with a tail 😊
No matter the truth, for centuries humans have had a complicated relationship with the sea. It is a world we will never be able to fully explore. In the past, it was even more secretive and dangerous. Perhaps mermaids were a personification of those violent waves that, while beautiful, took so many fishermen away from their families.
Sequels & Where to Read
Being able to include mermaids, even just as a tall tale, was fun. The Mermaid’s Gift also got a sequel. For Those in Peril was published three years later by The People’s Friend. This time it followed Seb and examined superstitions in the fishing community.
Both stories have since been re-released under their original submission titles, The Sea Stone and The Lucky Net, in my anthology collection The Wherryman’s Daughter.
#mermaids#short stories#writing#historical#historical fiction#great yarmouth#norfolk#mythology#folklore
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Straight Draw
I didn’t inherit my father’s love of horse races. I saw Dad lose more than win. I valued the money I earnt too much to squander it so. In fact, Dad’s addiction, that was how I saw it, really irritated me as a child. He commandeered the radio every Friday night to hear which horses were listed to run that Saturday. Consequently, I missed sequential episodes of my radio stories. Then all day Saturday, he listened to the races ran in Brisbane, Sydney and Melbourne. At the time, I found the race caller’s constant chatter annoying. Later as an adult, I realised my father looked forward to little else in his modest life. He worked hard labour in the heat, cold and dirt day in and day out. He earnt his time listening to the radio whilst sitting in a cool spot on the veranda.
Later Saturday evening, whilst I worked, I overheard Dad’s conversations with his mates whilst they chugged beers in Mattie’s bar. They analysed horses’ forms, their wins and losses, the qualities of the various race courses and the bookmakers’ odds. Some horses ran well on dry tracks and others on wet. Consequently, I knew everything there was to know about the sport.
When the Melbourne Cup Race approached annually, energetic discussions and an infectious air of excited anticipation invaded the bar. The men spoke of little else in the six week leadup. Twenty-four horses would line up for the most famous race in Australia and run three thousand two hundred metres, about two miles back then. Not only would the men lay bets with the local but illegal starting price (called an ‘SP’) bookmaker on the day, they bought tickets in sweeps, which popped up at businesses around the community. It seemed the only establishment not running a sweep was the church! A sweep was akin to a blind lucky dip. Lots of tickets were sold but only tickets were drawn for the number of horses in the race. The remaining tickets lost out.
The Station Master at Bethania Railway Station organised the biggest sweep around. He sold tickets for weeks ahead at two shillings each to anybody willing to cough up such an extravagant amount. By comparison, two bob usually bought you five tickets in a raffle. Nevertheless, all the local Railway men bought at least five tickets if not ten.
In 1957, this race fever caught me in its grip too. I was fourteen and wanted to join in the men’s excitement. I deliberated for several days if I should purchase one two shilling ticket. I only earnt three shillings for my Saturday morning shift at the refreshment rooms. Besides, my odds were extremely poor; one ticket versus the hundreds sold to score a horse then one horse against twenty-four to win one of the three places. Foolishly, I did buy one ticket, just one. I told nobody about my gamble and hid the ticket in my money tin.
The day before the Melbourne Cup, the Station Master drew the twenty-four horse names from all the tickets he had sold in front of a crowd of ticket holders. I wasn’t present but my father was of course. Dad arrived home miserable. He grumbled he had lucked out again and hadn’t secured a horse in the draw.
He then said, with a quizzical look on his face, ‘Jakob, you drew a horse though. It’s Straight Draw. However, the odds of it winning aren’t good. Sorry lad.’
I felt down too. I had wasted two precious shillings. That was a lesson to myself. Nevertheless, I had a horse to cheer on tomorrow.
The next day, I thought of little else. The race was scheduled to be run twenty minutes before school finished. The school had no radio so the students couldn’t listen to it. The school teacher wouldn’t have allowed this anyway. Alas, news of which horses had placed in the Cup travelled quickly. As I walked my bicycle to the school’s front gate, I heard somebody yell that Straight Draw had won the Melbourne Cup. Excitement bubbled up inside me. I had never been so excited before. I couldn’t believe my luck to score the winning ticket.
Dad walked with me to see his mate, the Station Master. Even he was beaming!
Some loitering locals weren’t impressed however that I had won the sweep. They suggested not so politely that my ticket should be disqualified because I was a minor and not legally entitled to bet.
The Station Master firmly replied, ‘The boy bought his ticket fair and square with money he earnt like everybody else.’ He then handed me a considerable amount of dosh with a broad smile.
I didn’t know it yet; but I’d need that money soon. It would help change the direction of my future. My win certainly was a miracle.
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Drums, Records & Passing On The Faith
I was listening to the radio the other day in my car when I heard a story about a song written by a relatively new hard rock artist named Jeris Johnson.
Johnson related that the inspiration for the song came from a guy named John, whom he met as a teenager.
John was selling his drum set, so Johnson and his father went to check it out before buying it. John was a Vietnam veteran whose old injuries finally caught up with him, and he could no longer play the drums, so he was selling his whole kit.
Jeris said that he got the feeling as they were talking that John was sizing him up and determining whether his drum kit was going to a good home before he sold it. At last, they agreed on a price, and the drum kit was loaded up, and Jeris took it home.
Almost a year later, Jeris said there was a knock on their door at Christmas. To his surprise, it was John, and he was carrying a huge stack of vinyl records. He had handpicked over half of his collection to give to Jeris.
Then he left, and Jeris never saw him again.
When I heard the song inspired by this story, I was struck by these words:
I met a man as he walked on the edge of the sky He gave me the keys to his castle and started to cry He said, "All of these days that escaped Have led me to you and I'm suffocating My last breath that I take, I give to you"
Just don't let me down It's too late for me, but not for you You will make me proud It took more than I could ever do
[If you are a fan of hard rock, check out the single "John" by Jeris Johnson.]
I got emotional listening to the song, and I've been thinking about it ever since. I believe there was something beautiful and spiritual about the song and the story.
I started thinking about the next generation of Christians and how they are inheriting a version of the Church that has seen better days, according to all the metrics used to measure health.
Strangely, I felt a sense of hope as I thought more deeply about this.
Some treasures within the Christian faith have withstood the test of time. These include deep spirituality, compassion, sacrifice, love, forgiveness, and more.
We need to pass these things on to the next generation. This might mean picking and choosing what is essential and full of truth, beauty, and love. All the rest can stay in a box in our garage.
Additionally, the greatest gift we can give emerging generations of Christians is to know when it's time to hand over the instruments we can no longer play or that we can no longer summon the passion to use as they were meant to be used.
Trust me, I will keep playing my instruments, so to speak, as long as I possibly can, but I hope I know when it's time to turn them over to someone who can play in new rhythms.
Christianity's best days are ahead, and it will be in good hands with those who will come after us. Transformation is needed, to be sure, but I'm hopeful of what comes next.
Focusing on Jesus and how Jesus is still at work in his Church is one of the most hopeful exercises any of us can participate in, and I hope we do.
May it be so. And may the grace and peace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with us all. Amen.
#presbymusings#dailydevotion#leonbloder#dailydevo#christian living#leon bloder#dailydevotional#faith#spiritualgrowth#spirituality
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