#they now have a moth band side project

[corrodedcoughin]

This might be the second worst thing that’s ever happened to Gareth while wearing these stupid shorts, or in general he guesses. The first being when he was in gym class and the got caught on the fence he tried to hop in order to skip said class, successfully exposing his lemon yellow carebear boxers, the only pair he had left because everything else was in the wash. Luckily it was only the gym teacher, Mr Carrey, and Linda Stern, a girl that kept to herself so unlikely to share such scandal. Neither brought it up again but that doesn’t mean Gareth was free of the memory, or free of reliving it whenever he opened his drawer to pull out some underwear.

But it’s not just the shorts that tie Gareth’s ‘most embarrassing and traumatising events of my life so far’ memories together. No, the instigator of both of these events also keeps them joined in Gareth’s mind. Edward Munson. It was Eddie who insisted that skipping class while in said class would be the smartest move to make ‘think of it Gareth, imagine it, skipping right under Mr Carrey's nose? He'd never expect it! High class rogue moves for sure!’

So of course Gareth was convinced by Eddie’s manic eyes and excitement and successfully flashed his gym teacher while the mastermind was laughing and pulling him down off the fence. Mr Carrey must have felt sorry enough for Gareth to let him run and isn’t that a fun addition to an already horrific memory?

Anyway, back to Eddie Munson; worst person to enter Gareth’s life. Because now? Now Gareth is stood outside a stupidly big and stupidly fancy house, in the offensive (now repaired, thanks Granny) gym shorts, and a pair of plastic and bent out of shape fairy wings. Originally he was supposed to be in a white vest too but he drew the line there, adamant he’d be wearing his Iron Maiden shirt to save some sort of dignity. And to top it all off it’s a beautiful day so of course people are out mowing their lawns, families are walking their dogs, children are playing in the streets and just enjoying the surprisingly mild february weather. All of them staring, quite obviously, at what they see as a strange teenager in wings being shouted at by an equally strange kid hiding behind a, not nearly big enouhg, bush for ‘stealth reasons’ apparently. 

‘RING THE DOORBELL MAN, COME ON!’

Gareth slowly turns to look over his shoulder to glare at Eddie who is peaking around the shrubbery. 

‘YOU RING THE FUCKING DOORBELL!’

‘GARETH YOU PROMISED! DON’T BE A DICK’

‘YEAH, BECAUSE YOU TRICKED ME!’

‘NO I DIDN’T, YOU SAID YES NOW RING TH-’

Of course that’s exactly when the door to the stupid house opens and the reason Gareth is here steps into the doorway. 

Gareth grits his teeth and begins to recite his lines ‘Steve, o steve. You are beauty that has to be seen to be believed. Wont you be mine until the end of time?’ He finishes and stands glaring over Steve fucking Harrington’s shoulder

‘DO THE FUCKING REST GARETH’ Eddie’s voice emanates from somewhere to the back of Gareth, probably still hiding behind the stupid bush. So Gareth ‘does the rest’ he does a very slow and deliberate 360 spin before crouching down to one knee and shooting a plastic bow and arrow at Steve’s chest. Of course the arrow just rattles to the floor, sad and pathetic, just like it’s shooter Gareth thinks to himself. 

‘Gareth? Why…umm, are you okay?’ Steve is obviously trying to hold back laughter and doing a terrible job of it. His face is convulsing like he’s just eaten a whole lemon, rind and all. And well, who knows, maybe he has, maybe it's a secret trick for keeping his hair so big, Gareth isn’t here to judge, he just wants to leave. 

‘Dude please just answer the question and put me out of my misery’ He’s still half on the ground and his knee hurts and it’s hot and he’s kneeling at Steve Harrington’s fucking door dressed as a fucking cupid because he couldn’t say no to his fucking stupid fucking best friend. Gareth pulls himself away from thoughts of despair when he sees Steve’s mouth open to speak. He’s got one hand on the door frame, the other on the back of his neck

‘Oh, uh, yeah? I mean, yes? This is for Eddie right?’ Gareth stopped listening after the initial ‘yeah’, instead standing and turning to the, very small, hedge Eddie was doing an awful job of concealing himself behind 

‘HE SAID YES. CAN I GO HOME NOW?’

Suddenly there's a whoop and an air punching Eddie Munson who realises he’s exposed his ‘perfect’ (shitty) hiding spot and is in full view of Steve. The idiot even tries to play off the air punch by combing his hand through his hair which obviously gets stuck on his rings and then tries to play that off by just keeping his hand in his hair while waving with the other, not trapped hand. With a violent yank he manages to free the entangled fingers with only a small whine.

‘Uhh…Hi Steve’ Eddie says with a dopey smile and somehow, somehow he’s got an equally lovesick looking Steve smiling right back at him ‘Hi Eddie’. At this point, Gareth has quite frankly had enough, Eddie and Steve are slowly walking towards each other like some romcom end of the movie scene and he’ll be dammed if he’s watching those two tragically flirt at each other. So he grabs the van keys out of Eddie’s pocket as he passes, resigning himself to an hour of shooting Eddie’s empty cans in the back of the van while he waits. Gareth is almost off the lawn when Eddie must get brave

‘NICE SHORTS BY THE WAY CUPID’

‘FUCK YOU!’ Gareth snaps the arrow in two trudges off, wings flapping behind him.

—---

Three weeks ago

Gareth was at his desk, he was trying to practice some drum rhythms when Eddie flounced in and dramatically dropped onto his bed. For the past half hour Gareth had been regaled with yet more ‘reasons why Steve Harrington is my dream man’ from Eddie 

‘You don’t understand man. He was just driving and the Eagles came on. Don’t look at me like that, I know it’s the eagles, but it was life in the fast lane and he was singing along to it dude. The line! You know the one! I swear it was an instant hard on, thought I’d came by the end’

‘DUDE STOP. STOP. I’ll do whatever you want just please never talk to me about your Steve related dick events again’ Listen, Gareth loved Eddie, he did. But there's only so much a man can withstand and Eddie could monolgue for hours if given the chance.

‘Whatever I want?’ There was no obvious devious tone here but Gareth still should have known better than to agree. If he had clocked Eddie's face he would have seen an expression so devious that he'd be running out the door.

‘Yes! Fuck, just no more. My ears are never going to feel clean again’

[helluva-world-innit]

So...they are finally here...the height charts! At least of the main Hazbin Crew (bonus Mimzy; idk about Baxter yet). These are the final designs for me but, as I improve my art skills, I may change some things around I couldn't accomplish when I first started drawing them.

I will do actual character ref pages at some point now that I have their designs (mostly) finalized. I still wanna tweak them a little, ngl, but that will have to wait until I draw them a few more times (and probs after I do the height charts for the Helluva Crew too; everyone else will be sporadic af).

Anyway, since I got a flight soon and can't sleep, let's talk about some of the changes I made for everyone as well as how they got to be where they are now, hm? Sidenote: I have decided the events of this story will take place in 2052 for...reasons. Sidenote sidenote: I went with the original Sin colors for the Rings so Wrath is red, not Pride. Greed is gold, etc., etc.

So, Charlie (Charlotte Lucinda Isadoros) Morningstar has more texture in her hair this time around and I made the stitches on her coat obvious just because I thought it looked more slapdash that way. She's slim to the point of not really having much of a figure (much like her father; they are almost copies of each other but it's because he really didn't use anyone else's "genes" for her) so she gave her coat a little bit of shape to the hips but she still largely wears more masculine clothing. Like most of her extended family, Charlie isn't too hung up on being perceived as strictly male or strictly female, though her title is Crown Princess of Hell (Luci just thinks it sounds cuter, but Charlie doesn't object to people naming her as Crown Prince of Hell either). Age: 222

I already kind of did a rundown for her deal earlier on this blog so lets move on to...

Vanessa Chavez Hernandez Fell into the vicious Ring of Wrath upon her death during the Salvadoran Civil War in 1986. Fun fact: She and Alastor are some of the only Sinners that go by their given names. Everyone else's name tends to be a chosen one. Vannie died fighting on the side of the Farbundo Martí National Liberation Front (FMLN). She was caught and killed with so much (understandable) rage inside that it led to her dropping into Wrath Ring. US soldiers killed her peasant farmer parents in cold blood in front of her when she was 14 for the belief they were aiding the Front with weapons. Her father actually was, but her mother was not aware of any of it. As a result, Vannie dedicated her life to killing as many soldiers and government officials as possible instead of leaving for the States with her older sister. She was killed by beheading at the tender age of 20.

Vannie has been devastating her fellow Sinners in combat ever since. All to avoid being taken for torture practice by the bloodthirsty Ringmaster, Satan, should she lose a fight. Most of the armor pieces she wears are handed down from other fallen warriors, bequeathed to her or surrendered upon her victory. I originally wanted to base her on a Death's-Head Hawkmoth but decided to go with a Banded Skipper moth instead (we don't gotta be that edgy here now). They tend to have quick, skip-like movements and Vannie is very agile to make up for her small stature.

Vannie is very level-headed usually, but when her eyepatch comes off, Blind Rage takes hold and she will not lose focus on a target until they stop moving or perish. She was captured and sold as fodder for the arena, à la Thor in Thor: Ragnarok, and, she quickly grew into a crowd (and Satan) favorite. Joins up with Charlie after being liberated for the rehab project. The fact that Charlie's really cute and has a pout that can put puppies to shame probs had a hand in that decision.

Cherry Bomb! The gal, the legend, the agent of unrestrained chaos. A Brisbane native, Cherry fell to Gluttony in 1987 when punk was dying down, but "be gay, do crimes" was still more than an empty slogan. She got blown up while attempting to steal some food from a grocery store, and, like the cockroach she is, she got back on her two four feet in Hell and stole directly from Beezlebub's gardens instead.

I decided to make her look more diy punk and gave her a mullet. Why? Bitches love mullets is why. And Cherry is very much a lover of the bitches. Based her on a Giant Burrowing Cockroach too, which burrows, as its name suggests. This makes Cherry hella good at tunnels and underground infiltration but she also has a knowledge of how to build explosives as well from her time hanging with her more reckless, anarchist buds back on Earth. Her father (he's become an informant and dealer in Hell), regularly threatens her and Angel to get her to build and develop new ways to take out his competition in Greed (including even Moxxie's father). She was just about 28 when she died.

Since we're going in Ring order here, Sir Pentious is next. This cordial king cobra slithered down to Greed Ring in 1888 (aged 30) after his ambition cost him everything: his inheritance, his family, and ultimately, his life. At age 15, Sir Pen had had enough of just reading about machinery and decided to begin building some of his own. Upon entering a late puberty, this became harder for him to pursue with the pressures of high society barreling at him at full speed (he's trans). Sir Pen often disguised himself with the help of his younger sister and brother and attended engineering presentations and operation theaters despite his gender assignment at birth keeping him from formal training in engineering. The open disdain his parents showed for his inventive spirit and lack of feminine graces led to him becoming more withdrawn and abrasive to would be suitors. By age 22, no man in the county wanted anything to do with the seventh-born, obsessive, outwardly sexless child of the Lord and Lady Edwards of Dacorum, England.

Dejected by the steadily increasing hostility towards him from his family and fellow aristocrats, Sir Pen's own resentment grew and he retreated to the family summer home to begin developing an easier and painless method for removing "damaged" body parts (because of his own untreated body dysphoria) on the battlefield. Unfortunately, he used members of his own household staff to test it on. He was labelled as insane and was due to be moved to a private asylum owned by a distant cousin, but opted to take his own life instead of staying trapped in a cage of society's making anymore. Sir Pen now spends his days in Hell building various contraptions to help him one day compete in the Circus Games. He aims to win the title and position of Overseer to reclaim some of his old glory. Left him a snake because honestly, lookit him. Baby noodle. Also snakes tend to symbolize betrayal and untrustworthiness in Christian folklore so it fits him well enough.

Nifty is based on a skunk cleaner shrimp (look them up, they're super cute and also known as 'Doctor shrimps' >///<) and fell into Envy for similar reasons to SP. Three shitty husbands led Nifty to have a psychological break. She ended up killing them then turning the gun on herself in her grief after witnessing her final husband's infidelity in 1954 at age 33. I made her a cleaner shrimp since she is the maid/cook of the hotel, more or less, but also tends to clean up any of the messes she, Alastor, and Husk make (they eat people together! Isn't that...sweet?) Gave a bigger version of her to see since I made her so leetle.

Growing up poor in 1920's-30's Korea as the daughter of a Japanese soldier and a Korean sex worker with three younger siblings and lots of local children to look after, Nifty developed an early sense of caretaking and the desire for comfort in the ways of a well-kept home and delicious food (when it could be afforded). She married relatively young (17) to better care for her mother as her health declined until her death in 1946.

With trauma from a lifetime of war, poverty, and spousal abuse/neglect, it really is a surprise that she's remained as sweet as she has. At least on the surface. She worked in several restaurants and estates in the Envy's Ring of Influence upon Falling, but never managed to be appreciated no matter how efficient or hospitable she was. In the end, Nifty was approached by and made a deal with Alastor and has happily served him since.

Husk(er), in comparison to his contracted colleague, Nifty, is big, gruff, and a total softie inside despite looking like something out of a Bram Stoker novel. Husk died at the ripe age of 72 (1979) which is no small feat considering the amount of wars and bloody revolutions his home country (Russia) dealt with during his lifetime. A second born son of a Petrograd (St. Petersburg today) baker, Husk lost his older brother in the Bolshevik Revolution of 1917 (Husk was 10 years old) and has had a difficult relationship with conflict and faith ever since. Between marrying a woman he didn't love, being an awkward and distant father to their only daughter, and deserting during WWII, Husk has more passive demons than most.

After returning home in 1958 from hiding out in South Korea, he spends the remainder of his life gambling and drinking to forget all he's lost and given up. He died after passing out in the snow and Fell to Sloth Ring where he quickly amassed enough power from siphoning the soul energy of others (through their blood) to compete in the Circus Games. He even won it, but immediately regretted this as Belphagor proved to be too demanding of a Ringmaster for the bat to submit to. Scared, full of remorse, and aching for some comfort in the coldest Ring in Hell (he ran to Pride to escape Bel), he was approached by and made a deal with Alastor and has faithfully served him ever since. I made him a vampire bat because it just seems to fit a lot better than a cat with wings (OG Husk's ears always made me think of a bat anyhoo) and it's a sort of nod to his feeling like a drain on others. He's wearing a security hat because he is the security bat. More on that when we get to it.

Angel Dust is Hell's highest grossing pornstar. Such fame comes at a terrible price, however. Angel died at the age of 32 in 1947 (yes, i aged him down a little) after a jealous lover from a rival mob family gunned him down. Before that, Angel used his body to get information and fuel his drug habits, routinely practicing drag and giving the anti-sodomy laws a workout during his life, much to his family's embarrassment. He really wasn't too upset or surprised upon finding himself in the Lust Ring of Hell even if he wasn't too happy about the form he took (Angel is terrified of spiders). After a couple decades of banging and binging, Angel's family slowly began making their way to Hell as well and reunited to form one of the most powerful Sinner gangs around. He tried rejoining them too, only to be brutally beaten and ejected by his father. Back out on the streets, but no longer interested in just getting by anymore, Angel became the perfect target for a predatory Overseer of Lust: Valentino.

For the last 75 years, Angel has been featured in countless porn media (even audiobooks!) and loaned out to every demon Valentino aims to have connections with. If he hadn't met Cherry and formed a strong friendship with her shortly after her Fall, the spider's soul most likely would have Broken long before Charlie got a hold of him. While Angel actually likes his job and enjoys having something he excels at, being bound to an Overseer is a one-way ticket to being ground down into pure soul energy for Hell's use. I kept him a spider because I genuinely have no issues with him being a spider, but the fact that his original design doesn't look like one gives me the fucking pip. Also, he gets even more spidery later. Also, also, I gave him two gold fangs because they're actually just his fangs coated in gold under Valentino's orders. Anything to make him less dangerous since Angel does have venom sacs. the poison can't kill anyone already dead, obviously, but it is extremely painful and lasts for hours. He can also inject a solution that temporarily paralyzes others instead of causing them agony.

Finally, there's Alastor, the only Overseer of Pride Ring. Bound to the King of Hell, Lucifer himself, Al enjoys the kind of power most Overseers can only dream of. I made him a rabbit (actually a Snowshoe Hare) mostly to get away from a culturally appropriated beast (you know what one, I ain't finna name it) and to actually make him even more aggressively cuddleable. I like characters that defy expectations. Also, I grew up with Bugs Bunny like many of you and I love the idea of Al having Looney Toons-ass ways to deal with problems. Like hole magic. Go ahead and laugh, it's funny.

Al died in 1938 after being sentenced to the death penalty (electric chair). He was caught in one of his many, many murders after one sloppy mistake at 39 years old. He was a modestly famous radio host in his hometown of New Orleans, but only after moving away from the city with his mother and stepfather to Chicago from ages 6 to 17. His mother died when Al was 8 and his stepfather's abuse led to him becoming a skilled and emancipated serial killer by 16 years old. He saved whatever he could from victims to feed himself and put himself through speech classes when he learned that a decent living could be made on the radio for someone so obviously of mixed blood. Alastor moved back to New Orleans to start over and took advantage of the more seedy sides of the city to cover up his hunts until his discovery and capture.

Al Fell to Pride and began exploring and hunting in the other Rings, meeting a fellow entertainer in Gluttony (Vox; died 1955). The pair of them hunted together for close to 25 years when an unknown rift formed between them and both competed to win the title of Overseer in the same year. There can only ever be one Overseer per Circus (Lucifer burns the losers to ash with holy fire to keep them from returning), but Alastor and Vox are the first and last dual winners in the 200+ history of the competition. Vox pledged himself to Beezlebub while Alastor pledged himself to Lucifer and the pair have been bitter rivals ever since.

Bonus: Mimzy is an Overseer of Lust Ring that knows all the hot goss and isn't afraid to share it. She died in the 1920s after being thrown from her then-boyfriend's car in the Bronx and getting run over by a trolley. Your girl has seen it all and then some. Now, she runs one of the slickest clubs and makes her soul quota for Asmodeus with young performers of all kinds. She and Alastor became fast friends upon meeting and she's one of the only people aside from Valentino and Velvette to know what his history with Vox is. She's got a giggle in her talk and a wiggle in her walk and I so based her on that mink girl from Animaniacs as well as a little bit of Toot from Drawn Together (who was loosely based on Betty Boop). I just want her to be soft and sultry. *Jon Lovitz voice* Is that so wrong?

Woo, this got fucking loooooooong. Hopefully, I covered just enough to get y'all interested in what else I have planned for these knuckleheads and I'll be back with the Helluva Main Cast for you next time. Bye!

[so-why-let-your-voice-be-tamed]

2023 writing self evaluation

I was tagged by the lovely @neondiamond, thank you!! I was also almost tagged by @lululawrence who texted me but I was already asleep lol.

1. List of works published this year:

In order of posting, these are the 17 fics I published:

April: saw some things on the other side [61K, Larry, written for @onedirectionbigbang]

May: (now I realize that the world outside) it's bigger than me [3,5K, written for @faithinthefutureficfest]

let's get naked and explore (our inner secrets) [8K, Zouis, written for @wankersday]

June: the missing piece that makes me fit [17K, Zouiam, written for @zouisfics]

we will get another day (to begin again) [1,8K, Ziam]

July: rain makes the flowers grow [1,1K, Larry, ficlet friday]

a life that's lived without you [1,1K, Ziam, ficlet friday]

August: and there's no one to blame [1,8K, Larry, ficlet friday]

You don't have to say "I love you", to say I love you [1,5K, ficlet friday]

I'm falling again [2,2K, Larry, ficlet friday]

like a moth into a flame [5,4K, Zouis, written for @wordplayfics]

September: I'll Run (Run to You) [1,1K, Larry, written for @wordplayfics]

like a bridge over troubled water (I will lay me down) [6,4K, written for @wordplayfics]

(don't you ever) hope for something else [5,4K, Ziam, written for @wordplayfics)

you try to stop it tumbling (but on and on it goes) [2,7K, Lirry, written for @wordplayfics]

October: when love gets involved [666, Larry, written for @1dtrickortreatfest]

find a way (to send me a sign) [666, Larry, written for @1dtrickortreatfest]

December: Santa Baby (one little thing I really need) [3K, Larry, written for @parmahamlarrie for the @1dcreatorclubhouse holiday exchange]

In total, including works that I haven't published yet, I've written 129.843 words in 2023.

2. Work you are most proud of (and why):

I always really struggle with my Big Bang, and this year was no different. There was a lot of math involved, and a lot of schedules to make sure that the time travel all worked and the dates were accurate. I am really proud of how it turned out though, and the art (by the wonderful @monpetithl) is absolutely stunning.

3. Work you are least proud of (and why):

I suppose by default I'm 'least proud' of some fics, since I'm more proud of others, but in general, I'm very proud of everything I published this year.

4. A favorite excerpt of your writing:

This is from (now I realize that the world outside) it's bigger than me

His throat feels dry and his face looks flushed, and there’s a moment where he contemplates dunking his head under the tap, but he doesn’t want to keep the fans waiting, even if he knows that his band is excellent at keeping the crowd entertained.

Or at least, they usually are. But right now, heading through the hallway back to the stage, all he can hear is silence.

Louis feels his heartbeat kick up a notch, and even though he knows that it’s ridiculous and highly implausible, there’s a brief moment where he wonders if everyone has just up and left. Maybe they’ve had enough. Maybe they only came here to see if he was willing to confirm the rumours, and now that he hasn’t, they’re leaving.

His palms are sweating, making him wipe them on his jeans, and it’s only when the band starts playing the intro to Bigger Than Me that they had come up with for the tour that Louis has the courage to step back onto the stage.

He has just opened his mouth for the first line – when somebody told me I would change – when it sinks in what he’s looking at.

Where the crowd is usually colourful, little rainbow flags showing up throughout the songs, or being held up en masse during a fan project for Only the Brave, it’s almost muted now, blacks and whites and greys.

And purple.

It is a sea of flags. A sea of ace flags.

Louis is vaguely aware that the band has started the intro for the third time. He can hear the cheers, the chants, can see the banners that are being held up by people on the balcony. We love you Louis, they read. We need you and you’ve got us.

His blood is rushing through his ears and he’s pretty sure he’s about two seconds from crying, and there is no way in hell that he’s going to be able to sing this song right now. It’s not even because it’s one of the harder songs in his set and he can feel his throat closing up. But he feels like he needs to acknowledge this. Because while he might not acknowledge it in the press, might play coy, these are his fans. These are the people that get him. The people that understand and support and love him, and they’re right. He’s got them. No matter what else, he’s got these people in his corner.

5. Share or describe a favorite review you received:

So my favourite review wasn't actually written. It was a friend of mine, at the concert in Paris, locking eyes with me during Bigger Than Me, and the two of us sharing a moment because we knew.

6. A time when writing was really, really hard:

Honestly, a lot of the year. I've written on something every month, but I've had months where I barely made 5K, if that. I've also had periods where my health was just utterly shit, and periods where I was too busy (like in November, which I mostly spent hanging out with the amazing @chaotic-bells)

7. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you:

Well, it is written but not published, but something happened in my Big Bang for 2024 where I was like "really?? this is what you're going with??" and I guess you'll have to find that moment in my fic when it posts.

8. How did you grow as a writer this year:

I'm honestly not sure I did, though I feel like I wrote a lot more short fics this year, so I suppose in that regard I grew by being able to write shorter things.

9. How do you hope to grow next year:

I mostly just hope to continue being able to write, continue loving writing, because for a while this year I wasn't sure if I wanted to continue being a writer in this fandom. But I got lovingly told that there was no way I wasn't doing the Big Bang next year, and then I got matched up with an amazing artist (hiii @whatagreatproblemtohave!) so that definitely helped in getting my mojo back.

10. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

I had wonderful guidance in the form of @londonfoginacup who told me a) you are not dropping out of the big bang and b) how about you rewrite the fic in Zayn's perspective, which has helped A LOT. I've also had an absolutely wonderful friend in @beardyboyzx who has read through a lot of my fics, has offered advice, a sounding board, and anything I could ask for. My beta, as always, is the wonderful @foullovehideout who is just the best person I could ask for. I had such a wonderful time seeing them again this year too.

And then there's the people that I've written with! Most notably, @jacaranda-bloom who is my standard writing buddy, though we've not been able to write together as often as last year, she's still helped me stay committed to my writing and I wouldn't have been able to publish as many fics if it weren't for our sprints.

Lastly, there's the beautiful people from the @1dcreatorclubhouse who have been just wonderful and a great source of joy and comfort.

11. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year:

Honestly it always does. Mostly this year in the aro/ace characters, because they are me and I am them.

12. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

I don't think it's new, really, but a) write what you want to write and b) don't forget that writing is a muscle, it needs to be trained just like anything else. You can't expect the same ease that you felt while writing daily when you end up not having been able to write for a while. Give yourself grace, and above all, believe in yourself and the stories you want to tell. They'll be loved by so many people!

13. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

Definitely my Big Bang for 2024. It's a struggle and really outside of my wheelhouse, but I'm excited to see where it ends up going. I am also super intrigued by the possible 1daroacefest that @red-pandaaa was running a poll for (you can vote here) so depending on when it runs I definitely want to participate. And I'm thinking I might dabble in some F1 fic next year!

14. Tag three writers whose answers you’d like to read. ;)

I am going to tag the wonderful @beardyboyzx because I need to read their answers. And I am tagging @voulezloux and @reminiscingintherain too!

[thisworldisablackhole]

This week in listening, 02/09/24

I honestly just listened to a fuck ton of Silverstein and Thrice this past week, so in an effort to not repeat the same bands on these posts, I'm only including 6 releases instead of 10.

Chelsea Wolfe's new album dropped today (friday) and by goly it's my favourite thing she's done since Unknown Rooms in 2012. To be fair, I haven't given many of her other albums a fair shot (heavy doom-folk wasn't really my cup of tea), but after listening to this I think I owe it to myself to do a full run through her discography. The gothic industrial instrumentals are both subdued and engaging, and when combined with Chelsea's gorgeous voice it comes together to sound somewhat like a soundtrack to unearthing the catacombs of a lost civilization in a decayed concrete jungle.

Like Moths To Flames has been one of my favourite metalcore bands since I re-discovered them a few years ago. They've been a super solid band ever since their first EP in 2010 and have only grown stronger over the years. It's actually quite rare for a metalcore band from the 2010's to still be on top of their game and improving after 6 LP's. One of my favourite things about this band, and why I believe they've managed to be so consistent over the years, is that they aren't afraid to wane and wax in their evolution without losing sight of their DNA. Over their career they have released albums that have gone back and forth from heavy hardcore to a more hook centric Breaking Benjamin-esque alt metal sound, but it's always been good and it's always sounded like the same band. Now with these new singles (and the two standalone singles they dropped in 2023) they are stripping way back on the catchy choruses to pour their focus into just creating memorable and heavy as fuck riffs. This is some of their most crushing and technical material to date and I can not wait for the full length to drop later this year.

Wolves & Machines are a super underrated alternative rock/post hardcore band in the vein of Brand New and Thrice. I first listened to this band back in 2010 when they released their debut record Ailments. I really loved that record and have super fond memories listening to it, but those memories were only triggered recently when I stumbled upon them again while falling down a rabbit hole of "fans also like" sections on spotify. I completely forgot they existed until I saw their name and then all those memories came flooding back to me. I swiftly hit play on Ailments and let the nostalgia bathe me in it's afterglow. The absolute best part of rediscovering this band though was finding out that they never stopped putting out really solid albums. I have since fallen absolutely head over heels with their 2014 record Since Before Our Time. For fucks sake, just hit play and you'll see why.

Ghost Atlas is the side project of progressive metalcore outfit ERRA's guitarist and clean vocalist Jesse Cash. Ghost Atlas' 2017 album All Is In Sync... was very much rooted in post hardcore ala HRVRD, Saosin and Circa Survive. With this new album he has diverted course a bit into much softer pop rock territory. He didn't completely ditch the post hardcore edge, but the whole album is just a lot more mellow and blissed out than his previous work. Some fans have felt very divided by this shift in sound, but I love it. This record is just pure comfort. I think the album art does a perfect job at capturing the vibe: a morning cup o' joe on your balcony with a cat on your lap, and Jesse's beautiful voice serenading you into a deep state on contentedness. This is likely going to end up on my year end list.

I've been a "big fan" of Burial ever since his groundbreaking 2007 LP Untrue. I put "big fan" in parenthesis because despite absolutely loving some of his earlier music to death, I am not die hard enough to be keeping up with every two song single or weird ambient EP he has released over the years. Someone wrote online that this new single was his "best work since Rival Dealer", and that was enough to make me don my Burial fan cap again and dive in. Boy was I not disappointed. These two tracks are expansive at approx. 13 minutes each, but they do not feel tiring or strung out at all. They represent everything I love about Burial; that sweet sweet crackling atmosphere, nimble footed drum patterns and haunting vocal samples that are effective in their sparsity, injecting just the perfect amount of melody into the hazy rhythms. Dreamfear slowly disintegrates and becomes more aggressive over it's run time until the sample repeating "BACK FROM THE DEAD, FUCKED UP IN THE HEAD" hits us in the head over and over, inducing psychosis panic in the listener. It's glorious.

I've been getting back into more progressive rock and metal recently. I blame TesseracT and Aviations for that, as they both put out absolute home run records last year that reawakened the bound and gagged Dream Theater fan inside me. I checked this album on a whim after reading a review about it that described it as "bright and uplifting" metal, and I was immediately captivated by it. If there's one thing I absolutely adore in music, it's a contradiction. Taking two things that people usually do not associate with each other (uplifting and metal) and engaging them in holy matrimony. Artificial Language have a more classical sound than Aviations, but the bright chords, djenty riffs and piano leads are all still in stock. I'd say it's the perfect counterpart to 2023's Luminaria and I'm keen to give it more listens over the coming weeks.

[everybodyknows-everybodydies]

tagged by @morihaus! thank you for thinking of me!! c’:

describe one wip you’re planning to work on over the summer: I have made the teeniest of dents in the Amanda Lee revelation chapter which I consider a great success! also have a handful of short pieces I’m working on besides the ones for tesfest. the one closest to being done is one I thought would be a good primer for how I’ve been thinking of the mechanics of restoration in a less um. immediately urgent setting lol.

recommend a book: OBLIGATORY: read Peter S. Beagle. cough. anyway I think while last time I recommended books I hit a couple of my favorites but I’ve been thinking about Anna Pigeon again so let me tell you once more in more detail about Nevada Barr’s Anna Pigeon series. gimmick setting mysteries where the gimmick setting is a different national park each time bc Anna Pigeon is a middle-aged park ranger, who used to be on the tech side of live theatre, has a Tragic Past involving a Dead Husband of Many Years Ago, is 100% unknowingly bisexual (which I would say is just me projecting but 1. Barr has written at least one book about a wlw relationship and 2. for a while she lives with her lesbian friend and is like oh :( I’m so sad eventually she’ll find a gf and I’ll have to stop living with her :( if only I were gay and also her type so we could keep living together :( like... ma’am.), and she’s so much fun. I love her. Track of the Cat is the first one and the ending KILLS ME. light spoiler territory ahead, but listen. LISTEN. do you want to read about a scrawny 40-something woman covered in blood and leaving a man to certain death? OF COURSE YOU DO. read the Anna Pigeon books. pls.

recommend a fic: as always, everything in my fic rec tag is, obviously, a hearty and resounding recommendation!! however I am also going to take this opportunity to plug EBStarr’s Cordano work bc they get it. I have never otherwise seen someone who nails their characterization and dynamic so precisely so naturally I come back to their work every so often like a moth to candlelight. OBSESSED. had the jaw-dropping realization a few months ago that they were apparently only like 17 when they wrote these and then I had a bit of a crisis lol. EBStarr if you’re out there I NEED to know what you’re writing now bc I think you’re a genius

recommend music: the song I have been looping for days on end now, from my all-time favorite band: Nothing Lost by Anberlin. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again Stephen Christian’s voice could resurrect me!! it’s from what was previously their most recent EP until like three weeks ago and the most recent one is ALSO exceptionally good, this is just what’s currently feeding the brain worms

share a piece of advice: run the garbage disposal in your sink every couple days even if you don’t think you need to. trust me you do need to you really really need to please my friends listen to me do not make my mistakes run your garbage disposal right now

tagging the usual suspects @bwayfan25, @codenamesailordarillium, @flugames and anyone else who wants to do it (please do it and say I tagged you I love tag games and seeing what people’s answers are!! :D)

[youreaspecialflower]

My folk punk recomendations are as follows:

Sisterwife Sex Strike:

Transgender folk punk duo from Seattle. Pigeon and Moth play fast and yelly banjo folk punk. They are my favorite band, and I'm in their patreon. They're dropping a new album in August and I would recomend the two singles from that upcoming lp "Dust" and "From the River to the Sea" as their best work yet. You might also listen to "Electricity", "Kill the Locals", and for a little more folksyness "All Roads Lead to Rome"

Pigeon Pit:

Trans led folk punk project from Olympia WA. Probably my 2nd fav folk punk act. Lomes is one of the most beautiful songwirters in the scene imo. Watch their tiny desk concert for a truly magical set imo. The newest album "Feather River Canyon Blues" is a masterpiece, the first vinyl I purchased, and one of the best albums ever. I especially like the tracks "Milk Crates", "Empties", and "Soup For My Family". FRCB is a 6 piece incarnation of the act, but it started as a solo project, and her song "Wichitalk" is one of 3 or 4 songs to ever genuinely bring me to tears, she explains it in the tiny desk concert and it made me want to cry.

Wingnut Dishwashers Union:

This is one of several projects from folk punk legend Pat the Bunny. He had a different band for every album, and while they were all folk punk, i agree with the assertion that each band does have a very different energy. Wingnut Dishwashers Union is, I think, Pat coming up on the other side of being a heroine user, and is a lot, lot more hopeful than Johnny Hobo and the Freightrains. I know I said pigeon pits new album was one of the best ever made, but the WDU album "Burn the Earth! Leave it Behind" is the best album ever released, to me. It is a 10/10 no skips album for me. Literally Listen to it all is my recomendation. But, Proudhon in Manhattan, Never Trust a Man (Who Plays Guitar), and Jesus Does the Dishes are my three favorite, if I had to pick.

Days N Daze:

These guys are local to me (Texas), and for a few years were my absolute favorite band. I think one of the two leads Jesse is a very sweet and kind person, he's sober now, and their latest album deals a lot with that. However their 2013 album "Rogue Taxidermy" is up there in my all time favorite albums, and is kinda reveling and musing on the fun and troubles of drugs and alchohol. The Highlights from that album are "Misantrhopic Drunken Loner", "Muddy Knees", "Call In the Coroner". Highlights in their later work are "Save a Life", "Wholesale Failure", and "Self-Loathing", and from "Crustfall". Then "Flurry Rush", My Darling Dopamine", and "Addvice" from "Show Me the Blueprings".

AJJ:

One of the most mainstreamly popular folk punk acts, and a classic. Their Album "People who East People Are The Luckiest People In The World" is a seminle work in the folk polk scene, everyone knows it. Check otu "Brave as a Noun", "People II: The Reckoning", "No More Tears". I also really like the Album "Christmas Island"

Those are my favorite bands, and It took me a while to type this out and I gotta leave, but a couple more recs is "The Worst Mcdonal's Ever (Pts. 1 & 2)" by Frog Legs, "Simple Science" by Cricket!, "The Beer" by Kimya Dawson, and "On The Rob" by cheap dirty horse. Sorry if taht was overwhelming, I love this genre and I love to share.

So you listen to folk punk at all? It's my genre of choice, and there are some songs that would go well in the folk category

Give me some song recommendations, I don't really know any folk punk but it sounds beautiful

[cryptiql]

untitled god song

pairing: bakugou/m!reader (trans reader in mind you can see it if you squint but can also be read as cis)

words: 2k

warnings: themes of religious trauma, homophobia, mentions of blood, the author projecting their mommy issues

a/n: this is purely self indulgent, don't mind me 😩✋ (written in first person)

i wish i had known him before the pain started. perhaps it is a fools dream to think that his presence would have solved anything, and it is likely that he might blown me sky high at the time, if given the chance, but i often ponder his place in my narrative. he is nothing less than a king—nay, a god—and what else am i to be except his humble servant, adoring him in the only way i've been taught?

i would bruise my knees as i kneel for him, and should he turn me away, i shall be lost and without purpose. but he does not, and instead, he snorts out a laugh and pulls me to my feet, roughly squeezing my cheeks together with a shit-eating grin. he'll tell me a joke i've heard a thousand times, and yet i laugh with him anyways, the pads of my fingers idly tapping the pulse on his wrists.

"dumbass, at least take me out to dinner first."

i never thought i'd ache to hear such a demeaning nickname, but it's like birdsong to my ears, and i long for the myriad of butterflies it provokes.

i would heed his every word like a faithful disciple, and—if i knew he would not use this power for the wrong reasons—carry it out without question. he'll roll his eyes at the notion, far too prideful at the idea of being praised, and card hands through my hair, gripping softly. "right. and if i told you to go to bed before five in the morning, would you listen?"

my smiles are genuine, as they all are with him.

"no." i wish my mother had been more open-minded; more loving to those she claimed were goners. maybe then, i could still call her my mother, and not a snarled version of her first name steeped in vinegar. maybe she could have met him, and maybe she would have keeled over in the process, but that is how we put it "killing two birds with one stone".

he was a fallen angel if ever i saw one—emblazoned in smog and ravenous inferno, the pieces of child-like innocence turning to ash. something happened to him when he was a kid, just as all gifted children, and oh, what a fool i was to let my gaze dawdle on his gorgeous form. but i will never regret it—no, not ever—for there is no such feeling that can compare to his eyes on mine, burning with a mind-fogging intensity.

it was instantaneous, the moment my thoughts turned on me with malicious intent, her voice ringing out like a gunshot.

you'll never be him.

his hand slots with mine perfectly; deliciously warm and comforting in a way i haven't felt in years; and hauls me up, the flecks of dirt and rubble from the road clinging to my jeans.

"watch it, pretty boy. i won't always be here to save you, y'know."

my heart batters against my ribs like a caged bird, screeching and wailing to be set free, and i wonder in a haze if i've died. judgement day must have come early, i think, not realizing that it was spoken aloud until the blonde quirks a brow inquisitively. he does not speak on the matter, but continues on his merry way, leaving my helpless; hopelessly enamored; and praying that we will meet again.

no, i could never be him. but i am like him. he has a sureness in his walk and fervor in the way he talks that is only recognizable when i look in the mirror. and we do meet again. it is a shame, however, that i must burden him with the weight of my past. i remember too often the troubles of my youth, even when all has passed into fleeting memories that haunt me as ghosts do to an abandoned house. yet, i still live in this house, and the ghosts are here to keep me company.

i remember the church, first and foremost; nestled between the barren country road and the outback; a beacon of hope to all those who stood in its doors. the luster of freshly polished wood still sits in my mind, accompanied by the echoing remnants of dulcet tones and multicolored bands of light, glaring from the stained glass windows and dancing across the musty carpet floor. the doddering pews were just as uncomfortable as the poorly padded chairs squatting in the front row, but every sunday, they were filled to the brim with hungry worshippers. they sang praise as though they were starved, but i was too young to understand for what. i am older now, and i still don't understand. all i know is that despite its reputation, the church was a cursed place, and i should never set foot in it again lest i go mad. i remember the creaking stairs which lead downstairs, and the winding halls that reeked of torment where shadows loomed. the paint was corroding and foul, and my conscious always loitered too long on the merlot stain on the ceiling; its origin unknown, but nevertheless urging my stomach to twist with nausea.

i remember the feeling of tall grass grazing my ankles; itching horribly from the old moth-eaten socks i was forced to wear. it had become second nature—running and hiding from my problems, from the church, from her. i shall never know a greater animosity than the likes that my mother encouraged, although unintentionally, with her pressuring views and sickeningly sweet smile. it's fake, and i would know, because ours are the same.

we are too similar, and i am sickened by the fact. will i become the wretched woman she is? will i fail to be the father i've dreamt of being? it is an easy thing to fall prey to haunting questions, and it serves as brain rot for every moment of silence that leaves me clawing at my skin, trying to reap the memory of her touch. then i began to think—about nothing and everything—and it does not stop. i will be kind; unforgivingly so, and without biased judgement; like my mother never was, and i'll make her hate me for it. i will grow in leaps and bounds, not for her sake or for god's, but for mine, as it always should have been. i will drink and curse with reckless abandon and kiss who i damn well please, because in no life does she have have the power to make me something i'm not. why should i feel sorry when the tears she wept were forged by my own blood; by the childhood memories locked away to rot in my subconscious? yes, she has suffered too, but it is through clenched teeth and raw-bitten lips that i must confess this, for her suffering was born in me and grew from a seedling into a thorned flower, nourished by her hatred and mine. she'll tell me the lie of all mothers before her: that she knows best, and i'll never know joy that is not from my savior's gracious hands.

one day, when she lies not with words but in silence, under worm-filled earth and withering pastures, i'll tell her that she was right. i'll tell her, with his hand in mine, that my savior arrived with hellfire in his eyes and fury unrelenting. his tongue holds venom that would make the devil blush, but he tastes of a sinful sweetness that i've drowned in more times than i care to count.

mother you should know, my god is like no other. he has a broad chest and muscles, i attest, that are sculpted like fine marble and smooth to the test.

my god is a man who loves other men, unashamedly; in all that is true; and kisses me like real people do. and i know it sounds silly, and a bit cliché, and he'd surely make a mockery of me if ever he heard, but i love him. i love him as passionately as you she does lord above, and it is a crime in itself how much i crave him, so yes, i will burn for this—not because my mother said so or by the ancient script that foretells it, but because i promise it. i promise to let neither hell or high water deter me from that which gives me life, and i'll do so with a ring.

"you hear that mom?" i'll whisper in the dead of night, his body flushed against mine in the most delightful way; his fingers curled into my nightshirt, pulling me closer as listless mumbles fall from his parted lips. he is dead to the world amid his dream ridden stupor, but still leans into my touch when i smooth back the wild tufts of hair to kiss his forehead.

"i'm gonna marry him." part of me wishes she didn't live on the other side of the planet, just so i could rub it in her face, but i won't give her the satisfaction of seeing me again. i won't let her think she's won, because i know, and katsuki knows, that he and i are one in the same.

i do not know who i should thank for my stubbornness, be it my mother or my father, so i will thank the pain they both caused me, for it made me stronger than they ever could. no, i did not become a better person, because the scars have yet to heal from how deep they cut, and the smell of blood still lingers, and i am angrier than i once was, but i cherish my wounds. the stench of my agony has long since been subdued, and i have learned to swallow the sickness it evokes. and yes, this anger is unhealthy and i've chosen not to purge it from my mind like the weed it is, but how lucky am i to have found one whose malice rivals my own?

the tales of his glory have littered my notebooks in smudged ink. you would hate him, is scrawled messily on the last page, but i only feel giddy with excitement. you would hate him for his spite and his unapologetic behavior, and that is why he's perfect. he's everything you hate about this world, but everything i love.

so when she gets to heaven and asks the angels "why?", they'll tell her it was him who made the devil cry. him, who held me like she should have—could have, if she hadn't terrified me—and who chased the nightmarish visions of her from my weary mind with his callous palms and soft-spoken reassurances. i wish i had known him when we were young; when things were not so simple and i needed a hand to hold; but i suppose we'll have to settle for faded photographs and stories told through the bitter aroma of alcohol. that's more than enough, i muse to myself, legs hooked over his as i rest my head on his shoulder, keening softly at the gentle scrape of his nails on my scalp. his arms wind around my waist as he mutters something along the lines of "i love you", his lips curling into a smile, illuminated by the televisions glow.

so when they ask of my religion, i will think of only him. i will recall the way he looks at me, the sound of my name on his tongue, the feeling of his lips trailing between the valley of my breast; featherlight, cautious and unfitting for a man of his nature. i've written songs of praise, all dedicated to him, and if only he knew, oh how smug he would be. but i love him, i love him, i love him. and when he spins me around like a marionette, it is with overwhelming pride and joy that i tell him this, and with rose hued cheeks and bashful grumbles, he tells me the same. so mother, wherever you are, i hope you know i've found my god.

[momolady]

Novel Project: Character Introductions!

Here is what I have so far on characters who will feature in my upcoming novel. So far, the main character is the only one I have somewhat fleshed out. The others I want to try and build along with ya'll! So expect to see some polls coming up soon as well as more info about this novel. But anyways, he comes the main cast!

Daisy:

Having worked as an accountant in her father’s firm most of her life, Daisy had fallen into a rut that had become as predictable as death and taxes. She grew up with her father, step-mother, and half sister. Never having known her birth mother, who died giving birth to Daisy.

In school Daisy was always timid and afraid to try new things. Her sister, Jaime, was much more popular and adventurous than her. Jaime helped Daisy to come out of her shell and stuck by her side.

Daisy later on moved into a small apartment with her sister, Jamie. Daisy’s interests included crocheting, scented candles, and a hidden yearning for painting she was too afraid to pursue.

Daisy was having lunch in the park one day when she noticed a moth in a puddle and she rescued it. A woman nearby noticed the act and complemented Daisy on being kind. The two chatted before the woman left. Daisy decided to go back to work when she heard screaming back in the park and she heard there was someone dead. Once back at work, she noticed something strange. No one seemed to be able to see her. Just as she was going into her father’s office he was hanging up the phone and sobbing. She soon realizes she is dead.

Daisy is in a panic, but when the moth she rescued leads her to a man, he tells her what’s happening and that she is now a reaper. The woman she spoke to cut her ‘thread’ and was then able to pass on, leaving Daisy to take her place as well as inheriting her ‘pomegranate seed’ a source of her power and new life in death.

Daisy’s new life includes a new body and appearance, once that she has trouble adjusting to. Luckily, she is taken in by a group of other grim reapers who help her get used to her new life and form, as well as her new powers and responsibilities.

Daisy struggles with moving on from her routine and rut, and mourns her life and the loss of her family greatly. She attempts to try and recreate it to the best of her ability, unfortunately, the powers that be are dragging her away from it and into a life where she must deal with souls, a game for the afterlife, and supernatural phenomena that plague the world but go hidden.

The moth Daisy saved is actually a harbinger, a creature that helps the grim reapers find souls to reap. The moth stays with Daisy, able to take the form of a swarm of moths, mothman, and even a cat. The two become close.

Mothman

A harbinger of the afterlife. A messenger between worlds and the grim reapers, who can see souls best for reaping, as well as communicate with the beyond for the reapers on earth. Having been saved once by Daisy, and been the personal harbinger of the reaper who Daisy replaced, Mothman now feels a personal attachment to Daisy and helping her guide through her new life.

Boss

Leader of the small group of reapers Daisy joins. He’s very serious about the situation, often seeming strict and harsh to Daisy. In actuality, he’s deeply caring and protective over those under him. He’s been a reaper for ages and often speaks of things personally that seem shocking to Daisy to live through. He works either in a nursing home or hospital, somewhere he can use his abilities to comfort rather than try to play the game as fast as possible. His house is always full of cat harbingers, but he is often seen speaking with a mysterious owl.

Jokester

The one who comes and fetches Daisy after she dies. He’s seemingly unphased by anything, always smiling and happy to participate. He rarely reaps souls, often only taking on the side quests given to them in dealing with supernatural threats. Works several odd jobs, mostly at night, including playing in a band. He helps Daisy to see there aren't such bad things in death and encourages her to live life rather than cycle through it. His unwillingness to reap souls stems from a  fear of dying. His past is also a huge question mark as his story changes constantly.

Cool One

She takes some time getting close to. But this busy business owner uses her food truck as a means of finding souls to reap. More eager than Jokester and Boss to play the game and get all her points to pass on, she still proves to be a helpful ally for Daisy. Her food truck is often used to go on missions, and she gets pissed if any damage happens to it, often calling the truck her baby. She was extremely close friends with the reaper Daisy replaced, hence her original animosity to Daisy. The two become close though, even becoming roommates when Jokester becomes too chaotic to stay with. She is hardheaded and is often willing to charge into a fight headfirst. Her and Jokester work surprisingly well together. She enjoys working out and weightlifting.

Villain

A reaper sniper who refuses to reap human souls. He often tries to get other reapers to join his cause, thinking that once all reapers are gone humanity can finally start to grow and improve. He sees Daisy as a likely ally and constantly tries to seduce her to his side. Charming, sexy, and a little weird, he has a past with Jokester.

Jaime/Sister

Daisy’s younger half sister. The two were close, but after Daisy’s sudden death she becomes extremely angry. Despite warnings not to go back home, Daisy goes to her old apartment where Jaime is getting rid of all of Daisy’s things as well as looking for a new roommate. There Daisy realizes how her life affected Jaime’s and how it always will.

Lady Villain

Unlike everyone else, she’s an evil entity rather than reaper. Working with the supernatural she helps to create chaos for the reapers. Sometimes working with the sniper, her end goal is to torture humanity in hopes for a new world which includes the monsters, spirits, and energies. She was once a reaper who refused to take souls and thus became a lost soul. She kills reapers for the pomegranate seeds. She wants Daisy’s for a special reason.

[iceeckos12]

tma fic recs

I’ve seen a couple of fic rec posts floating around. since ive been reading so many excellent fic recently, i thought that id make one as well! please note this list is going to be 99% jonmartin. also buckle up, because this is going to get long.

Completed

the umbrella by Wildehack (tyleet)

"And to think—all of Jonah Magnus’ carefully laid plans, the centuries of scheming, the murders, the sacrifices, all of that work could have been completely undone if Martin Blackwood had gone back for an umbrella" - holdthosebees

Notes: This is probably my go-to fic if i want an apocalypse never happened scenario. The jonmartin is wonderful, as is the h/c.

Diary and Prenon-nous la main by luftballoons99

Diary summary:

Not for the first time since they ran away together, a camera reel of all the things they don't know about one another whirs behind Martin's eyes, and he can't help but look at all the sprawling magnetic tape and wonder if they’re going to wind up a romance or a tragedy.

or: Office parties, garage bands, and the joy of being known.

Prenon-nous la main summary:

They still haven't talked about it, any of it, not even to pass the time on the long train ride to Scotland. Instead, Martin fell asleep in the seat next to him, pressed into his side from shoulder to knee, and Jon thought about love confessions and verb tense and how the two fit together when you think you're dying.

or: Good cows, mediocre poetry, and other crucial topics of discussion.

Notes: Do you love impeccable safehouse jonmartin characterization? do you love characters grappling with the mortifying ordeal of being known? do you love softness so tender that it makes you want to weep? please read these fic. im begging you.

i’ll tell you about all the times i’ve smiled because of you by cryptidkidprem

Summary:

Martin thinks about their shoes, sitting beside each other on the floor by the bed. Thinks of the way Jon wears Martin’s cardigans more often than he wears his own, the way Martin’s started keeping elastics around his wrist because Jon always forgets his own when they go out.

He thinks about all the gentle touches and fussing over each other they’ve done, and how much is still to come over the next… however long Jon will have him.

They have a long way to go, an entire life to build out of the wreckage Jonah Magnus and Peter Lukas left them, but laying together in a comfortable, sleepy quiet, Martin thinks they’ve got a good start going.

Or, Jon quits the Institute, saves the world, and it turns out to be exactly what he needs in order to heal and start moving forward towards building a life with Martin.

Notes: how many times have i reread this fic? more than i can count. jon quits the institute and it’s just full of soft jonmartins. they get married! god i love them.

go softly by doomcountry

Summary:

And there is nothing else besides this.

Notes: every time i remember this fic i reread it. please heed the tags because martin is blinding jon, but he’s like. blinding jon in the most heartbreaking way possible. idk how the author made this so tender but i know i was certainly crying so!

The Reverb in These Holy Halls by  Wolftraps (AlwaysBoth)

Summary:

Undoing the apocalypse would have been enough for Jon, if all his people survived. Without them, Jon's only recourse is making it so it never happened in the first place. He's going to do better this time.

Notes: Do you like time travel fixits? i sure like time travel fixits. reverb is an excellent one. heavy on the h/c, I wanted to hug jon so so badly. 

Yesterday is Here by  CirrusGrey

Summary:

"Who the hell are you?" Jon could feel his hands shaking. The man laughed, taking a step forward and raising a hand to point at him. "I'm you, from the future!" he said, then swayed, eyes going unfocused, and collapsed to the floor in a dead faint. -------- Post-season-four Jon and Martin time travel back to the season one Archives.

Notes: Yet another time travel fixit! also excellent. the teasing was HYSTERICAL. also Im just going to say this now - CirrusGrey in general writes incredible tma fic. You can’t really go wrong.

unassigned supplementals by  bibliocratic 

Notes: I won’t put in a summary just because it’s a long series of oneshots, but bibliocratic’s writing is amazing. Again, you can’t really go wrong with one of their fic!

let the soft animal of your body by autoclaves

Summary:

Standing in the warm kitchen, slats of sepia light filtering through onto the counter in front of him, Martin doesn’t know what to do with his hands. He half expects them to go through the countertop entirely, glossy and solid as it is. He isn’t used to any of it, yet. The safehouse. Jon. Beams of sun pouring into his hands. After being deprived of everything of significance for so long, the longing that crashes over him is almost painful in its tangibility. He wants to laugh, to sob, to scream and hear it echoed back against the neat, square walls of the safehouse.

In the end, he doesn’t do any of these things. He makes eggs instead. He can do that, can’t he? Use his hands for something simple and plain and good.

(Or: In the safehouse after it all, Martin starts cooking.)

Notes: this fic really speaks to me a) because i project on martin like crazy and b) because food is also my love language. this fic is incredibly soft and it’s all about cooking!

“Have you tried turning it on and off again?” by shinyopals

Summary:

I hope you find your new role as Head of the Institute as rewarding as captaining the Tundra, wrote Elias Bouchard, to Peter Lukas. There are so many people working there: all with their own interesting lives, and all desiring your attention and support. I'm sure you will relish the challenge it will bring and enjoy every moment spent with the fine men and women of the Institute. In time I'm confident they'll become like a family to you.

The Magnus Institute has a new boss. The Magnus Institute also has a new tech support technician. These two facts are unrelated, except they both happen at the same time.

Meanwhile Jon's woken up from being dead for six months and for once he's trying his best. He just wishes Martin would stop avoiding him and answer his messages...

Notes: if you’re looking for a good laugh, this fic is SO SO SO FUNNY. i was dying. basically the magnus institute being an absolute bureaucratic nightmare.

hello my old heart  by  firebirdsuite

Summary:

Peter’s wrong, of course. When it’s all over, Martin does still want to tell Jon everything. It’s just—well, there’s a few things they need to work through first before they can get there.

Martin and Jon find each other again in Scotland.

Notes: it’s all about the yearning. and trust me, the yearning in this fic? im just. i sure do love jonmartin, and this is such soft, loving jonmartin it just makes you want to cry

two ships passing by pyrites

Summary:

Gerard Keay is 10 years old the very first time he tries to run away from home, right around the time that Jonathan Sims has just come into possession of his first Leitner.

Or: One dropped stone can change the way the whole ocean moves.

Notes: again, JONGERRY. MY GOODNESS. this fic is beautiful, the writing is absolutely breathtaking and it owns my heart. im so in love with it. the author said you’re going to have emotions about jon and gerry and jongerry and i said OKAY

Terminal Sight by viv_is_spooky

Summary:

Spider silk weaves through the visions of two Seers. Monstrosity is dawning on them both.

Notes: I’d never read a gerryoliver fic before this, but the execution is EXCELLENT and now im sold on the ship forever. This fic has wonderful prose and great characterization and i love it a whole lot.

Incomplete

assistant archivist au by  PitViperOfDoom

Notes: I won’t put a summary since I’m reccing an entire series, but. it is absolutely no secret that i adore jongerry. pit’s assistant archivist au slapped me over the head with some gorgeous jongerry oneshots and then gave me the gift of the main fic (which is still in progress) about head archivist martin. i love this au so so much

dustsceawung by  callmearcturus

Summary:

Martin had always been favored by the summer courts, and moving up north to the little village of Lacuna is a difficult adjustment. It's rainy and lonely and everyone seems to have a strange, distant relationship with the local faerie court.

However: there is a strange man in a cloak who walks past Martin's remote little cottage every few days.

However: there is a moth that keeps getting stuck in Martin's house during the rain.

These events are not as disconnected as they first appear.

Notes: you ever just read a fic that you didn’t know that you needed until after you read it? yeah. featuring the fae and moth jon and excellent characterization.

Illicio by ThatOneGirlBehindYou

As the new Archivist debates between life and death, the Eye ponders on what to offer him in order to avoid an encore of the unfortunate situation with his predecessor.

-----

Gerard Keay opens his eyes at what feels like fuck-ass in the morning, inside a room with far too little space and far too much dust.

Notes: This is also the moment where I reveal that im a sucker for jongerrymartin. please read this fic. gerry is brought back from the dead in s4 and everyone is far better off for it.

where there’s a will, we make a way by bubonickitten

Summary:

"So, what does happen if an Eye learns to See within itself?

What happens is this: the Archive Beholds the Watcher – and the Watcher blinks first."

________________________

Jon goes back to before the world ended and tries to forge a different path.

Notes: this time travel fixit is shaping up to be an absolutely incredible read. i love the way this author writes jon so so much, and the characterization is spot on. this whole fic just satisfies some little part of me. god. also!! bubonickitten’s writing in general? beautiful. please check out their other works.

The Timeline of Theseus by Applea

Jon tries to force the Spiral to send him back, but the Sprial's corridors never twist things quite the way you want them to. Back in 1996, Elias has no idea why or how the Eye made such a powerful Avatar out of an 8 year old, especially when said 8 year old doesn't actually know he has any powers at all. Clearly such a child cannot be left outside the Institute's care. 

Notes: This fic is legitimately brilliant. The author manages to capture the big ADHD mood and the precociousness of baby Jon while managing to write a wonderful storyline. Time travel! Elderly lesbians! A Jonah who is wildly in over his head but was walloped over the head with paternal instinct! Baby Gerry! What more could you possibly ask for?

rooms full of people who do not love each other yet by seaer

Summary:

“Wanted to ask about a book.” The boy has his hand on the counter, and he leans into it, nonchalant. The library is air-conditioned, but by no means frigid, and Jon can’t help but feel sweaty just looking at the layers he’s wearing; what looks like old leather over an olive-green Magnus pullover over his school shirt. “Do you have A Journal of the Plague Year?”

Jon says, tetchily, “We’re about to close.”

���I know. Do you have A Journal of the Plague Year?”

Notes: I am so in love with this author’s writing style and the way they write the characters!! The jon and gerry friendship is PERFECT and the character interactions are all darling.

if you read these fics please send the authors some love, they definitely deserve it!! 

[shemakesmusic-uk]

Brooklyn punks Surfbort are back with a new album, Keep on Truckin', that's out now. The band made it with producer, songwriter and onetime Four Non Blondes leader Linda Perry. Singer Dani Miller says that with the album, the band is aiming to remind us that "we're all geniuses and idiots, and that love, humor, magic, and the human sitting next to you are the only antidote to the capitalist hellscape.”The new single from the album is 'Big Star,' a grungy, riffy rock song that Dani says is about "finding yourself after drug addiction. That life has tons in store beyond your wildest dreams." The 'Big Star' video puts Surfbort in a Beatles-style press conference, decked out in Gucci attire. [via Brooklyn Vegan]

My Life As A Moth releases commanding debut single 'Chest Of Dress Up'. The theatrical number is four eccentric minutes of cascading keys and jangly guitars which marry exuberant lyrics as My Life As A Moth bewitchingly depicts scenarios of when we as people are not entirely honest with others, or ourselves. Detailing the track further, the London-based Swedish singer explains, "The song is a frustrated yet playful take on the various games of pretence we play and the masks we wear. It explores the conflict of wanting to be an autonomous character in the creation of our own lives versus a surrender to fate. It is an almost paradoxical celebration of self expression, whilst a kick back at a distorted sense of individualism and self importance." 'Chest Of Dress Up' is the first single from the brand new project which also sees Rob Ellis (PJ Harvey, Bat For Lashes), Adrian Utley (Portishead) and Ben Christophers at the helm of production. Also released is the music video, directed by Natasha Arciniega. It sees My Life As A Moth taken on a number of guises, adorning everything from top hats to tassels as she explains, "The video is an expression of different characters, both those that we encounter around us and those that can exist inside of us simultaneously."

Emma Ruth Rundle has shared 'Blooms of Oblivion,' the second single from her upcoming album Engine of Hell, out November 5. The track again sees Rundle taking a minimalist approach, guiding the melancholic track with just her voice, piano, and acoustic guitar. Sparse notes and deliberate restraint put the emotions of the song — drawn from an “experience that was too big for her as a child” — into stark focus. “Down at the methadone clinic we waited / hoping to take home your cure,” Rundle sings with her distinct timbre. “The curdling cowards, the crackle of china / you say that it’s making you pure.” Rundle co-directed the corresponding music video with John Bradburn, again creating a compelling piece of black-and-white visual art. The physical choreography further elaborates on Rundle’s newfound interest in “ballet and the practice of expression through movement.” “In the video I use an oversized coat to represent an oversized and burdening experience for the little girl,” Rundle said via press release. “The feeling of being free falling in chaos. Having no control over your circumstances. The song and video describe the feelings I had as a little girl and how that’s shaped who I have become — negotiating with my past and waking to the woman I strive to become through self-love, self parenting and forgiveness and the transformation that it can bring.” [via Consequence]

Alissic has shared her new single ‘Piano’, with a video co-directed by husband and Bring Me The Horizon frontman Oli Sykes. “It’s about people self-harming, and them not really seeing everyone around them,” Alissic told NME. “It’s saying, ‘I’m here, and I see you hurting yourself’. I wanted to write something that showed the other side. The whole story is about a prince who self-harms, I’m here to help, but the prince is so caught up in his own world that he doesn’t see it. The message is for whoever is listening and going through the same situation as my prince to realise that they’re probably not alone after all. I want people to feel like they’re seen.” The artist – real name Alissa Salls – allowed herself to “experiment a little with combining my vision with the music” this time, with the unusual and frog-heavy video closely matching the world that she imagined the song to inhabit. “I usually start making the storyboard as soon as I’ve finished the music,” Alissic revealed. “I really like drawing, so the coolest part of making music to me is to make the video and create the whole world around it. I draw everything that I can think of as when I listen to music I can see things.” As well as new sets of fangs, Alissic said that she also shared an artistic vision with her husband Sykes. “I couldn’t let anyone else direct it, apart from Oli,” she said. “He’s really good at helping me to bring my vision alive when we’re directing together.” [via NME]

Snail Mail (Lindsey Jordan) recently announced the November 5 release of her hotly anticipated second album Valentine via Matador. Now, she shares a new single ‘Ben Franklin’, along with a companion music video directed by Josh Coll. ‘Ben Franklin’ sees drum machine and synths enveloping Jordan’s raw and sneering yet vulnerable vocals: Got money, I don’t care about sex / You knew how i’d take it / You brought her to flex. "I wanted to sonically and lyrically get out of my comfort zone with Ben Franklin”, Jordan says. “It felt only right that the visual accompaniment should include dancing in front of a camera and holding a 10 foot snake close to my face."

Barrie, the musical output of recording artist Barrie Lindsay, announces 7" single 'Dig' / 'Frankie' for December 3 release on Winspear, and has shared the second track and stunning accompanying video. Whereas 'Dig' floats in a seeming free-time, Barrie’s latest single, 'Frankie,' is locked into a driving, propulsive rhythm. Its bass synth, which remains constant throughout the song, is meditative and hypnotic. Among skittering arpeggios and melodic hooks, the song’s message asks listeners to consider capitalism. Political pop can be awkward, but Lindsay’s is subtle and poignant, reflecting on Glen Campbell’s classic 'Wichita Lineman,' and Americans’ attitudes towards labor. The catchy composition balances out the lyrical themes with a compelling soundscape that accentuates Lindsay’s dynamic songwriting and production abilities. The track is accompanied by a captivating, tender video, directed by Adinah Dancyger. The clip sees Barrie dancing with her wife, Gabby Smith in an emotional and fluid piece choreographed by Matilda Sakamoto. Commenting on the video Barrie said: "I knew from the start that I wanted the Frankie video to be a dance video. I imagined an intensive, rhythmic, aerobic video; halfway between a Tae Bo workout video and pop choreography. I have no dance experience whatsoever, and wanted to work really hard and put that effort-fulness front and center in the video. Gabby has similar experience with dancing, so it was very cool and organic to learn together. I’m very grateful she agreed to be part of the video. The producer, Abbie Jones; director, Adinah Dancyger; and choreographer, Matilda Sakamoto, were an incredible team to work with." Director Adinah Dancyger adds: "'Frankie' was an opportunity to explore the emotional landscape we carry as people: the trials and errors, frustration, awkwardness, confidence, confusion, connection, joy, and so on and so forth. At the core, I wanted to give Barrie and Gabby the freedom to express themselves. Working with choreographer Matilda Sakomoto, we found a balance of what felt natural and where exploring new terrains brought about catharsis and spontaneity. It’s a celebration of moving through the motions, through motion."

Nia Archives taps into the UK's junglist heritage while adding her own personal, deeply soulful, spin. Her debut EP made waves, a five-tracker that illuminated her fusion of R&B songcraft, autobiographical lyricism, and club energy. New single 'Forbidden Feelingz' teases out disparate elements of her work, opening with smoky electronic atmospherics, and a whispered snatch of R&B vocal. Diving into a tongue-in-cheek sample of Columbo actor Peter Falk, 'Forbidden Feelingz' then bursts into a feast of breakbeats. The slightly lo-fi edge to the production places Nia Archives in a lane of her own, allowing her work to find its own place. The black and white visuals emphasise this, with Delphino commenting: "This was a really special and heartfelt project for both me and Nia. After she told us that she wanted to make something legendary, we knew that it was time to dig deep and search inside... The goal was to make something that would be nostalgic at any point in time. No matter if you watched it now or in years to come. Our aim was to create something that complimented the synergy between the vocals and instrumental. For the majority of scenes in the video we cut out loads and loads of frames and mashed them together with stop motion. This was an idea that we thought would best suit this video, as we wanted to try this for ages. As we progress with our art, we will strive to make pieces that really resonate with the authentic part of ourselves." [via Clash]

Hot Chip's Joe Goddard and Amy Douglas, aka HARD FEELINGS, have unveiled new cut 'Sister Infinity', which is the closing song on their self-titled debut album. 'Sister Infinity' is the third track to be shared from the duo's self-titled debut album out next month, following earlier singles 'Dangerous' and 'Holding On Too Long'. Douglas says the song and the Tim Wagner-directed video "matches the songs itself, a discotastic pulse racing, HI NRG rollercoaster and HARD FEELINGS at our most futurist and perhaps insidious version of the "mad scientist and his creation scenario"." [via Line Of Best Fit]

Chicago band Girl K released a new EP, the '80s-inspired Girl K Is For The People, on September 10 via Take This to Heart. They've just unveiled the new video for album track 'Hah,' which is upbeat and bouncy, with a bright chrome sheen of synths and crunchy guitars. Vocalist Kathy Patino wrote, directed, and produced the new video, and about it, she says, "When I wrote this song (Hah), I knew exactly what I wanted a music video for it to be. A blockbuster film, an ode to men in black, the matrix, the 80's, and Scooby Doo. This song deserved a second-life beyond just being able to hear it. Of course my ideas are always much grander than what's attainable, so with the help of my friends and parents, we created something that captures every aspect of the song perfectly. From the song's vibrancy to it's more tranquil and self-reflecting moments. We filmed the video over the course of two days, one day in the suburbs I was raised in, and the other back in the city at my friend Brandon's apartment. I had everyone up so early both days and we were all 'on set' for hours upon hours (I being the only morning person present). I am extremely thankful for all of them and can't wait to be able to watch this video when I'm 80 years old thinking about the good ol' days. Even now, I can't help but smile every time I get to the end." [via Brooklyn Vegan]

Crystal Murray has shared her new single 'Too Much To Taste' in full. The songwriter's new project Twisted Bases is incoming, featuring 10 tracks that build on those frenetic early singles. Out in February, the project is led by a crunching new single, one laced with colour and energy. 'Too Much To Taste' erupts from the speakers, and it's accompanied by a blistering new visualiser. Directed by Alma de Ricou and Manon Engel, it was in shot in Paris at La fête à Neuneu. [via Clash]

Oxford based duo pecq share new single ‘Brittle’, and announce an upcoming EP of the same name due January 2022. Merging atmospheric indie with a dark and shimmering electro-pop sound, ‘Brittle’ allows the duo to flex their production muscles. “It’s about programmed obsolescence. We always imagined it as a lonely machine singing from the dump, realising it was designed to die before it’s time, but the themes are very human -  fear of ageing, death and being forgotten. It was originally written for a surround-sound and video installation made of a bunch of abandoned tellies,’ say the duo on the track.

Music is no longer about perfection or constantly being in the spotlight for Julia Ivory, who at just 19 is showing wisdom beyond her years, creating a place where she can explore all of her feelings and emotions without judgement. Performing in choirs from the age of 6, Julia’s talents were undeniable to those around her. She quickly joined singing programs such as CaSPA, began studying at the Conservatorium of Music Sydney and entered countless competitions which saw her perform in Italy at the age of 10. By high school, the immense pressure to achieve perfection in both how she looked and sounded was having a severely damaging impact on her self esteem. Although Julia stopped taking singing lessons as soon as she graduated from High School, she remained trapped in performance mode and could not escape an omnipresent sense of pressure to be perfect all the time. In early 2020 Julia was diagnosed with Anorexia Nervosa and the door to her recording studio right next to her bedroom remained untouched for months. The room alone was a trigger for too much anxiety. In the thick of her eating disorder Julia found herself in her living room late at night trying to calm herself down. Her instincts led her back to the piano she hadn’t sat at since High School and she mustered up all of her energy to lift her hands to the keys. Frail and scared she began to play and at once she remembered what to do. Julia was hooked on a keyline and before she knew it, she had written her debut single 'To The Bone'. Julia had recently watched a movie with the same name on Netflix and was immensely impacted by how much she related to the story. For the first time during her battle with her mental health, she felt completely understood and began to explore this newfound and unfamiliar freedom through her music. With haunting vocals and bittersweet piano, the tremendous beauty of 'To The Bone' lies in its honest simplicity. Vulnerable storytelling inspired by Billie Eillish and FINNEAS meets poetic lyrics and evocative vocals reminiscent of Rex Orange County or Sasha Sloan for a track that encourages feelings as much as thought. “I gave up on music because I wasn’t enjoying the way I had been coached to perform, I never hated music. I Just didn't know there were other ways to appreciate it. This for me was life changing as I started to try and have this mentality with my mental health and recovery. Going through this journey whilst in recovery was my ticket out of the hell I was living in. I didn’t hate my life, I just had to find the one that was good for me.” Julia wants to help others feel less alone and to show them that whatever they’re feeling, whether it be physically, emotionally or mentally, is entirely valid. With the release of 'To The Bone', a painful chapter of Julia’s life finally draws to a close and she can’t wait for the next chapter that is just about to start. “These battles are a lot easier when you have support around you, but there are many people who are alone in this fight and I hope that through my music I can be there for them.”

If there's one person who knows how to make sin sound good, it's London-based singer Lilah. Hot on the heels of her first single 'Lilah's Lullaby,' the musician has released a luscious new track dubbed 'Summer Night's Fling,' taken off her forthcoming Atlantis EP. Building off J Warner and P2J's viscous production, the song sees Lilah spinning a tantalizing tale of lust and longing. Teasing the listener while retaining the rich sensuality of her debut effort, the siren-like allure of 'Summer Night's Fling' is made even more powerful by the Matthew Walker-directed visual that perfectly mirrors the song's sonic sensuality. Much like the Shakespearian-inspired title, Lilah's music video takes a millennia-worth of references and distills it into an impressive three and a half minutes. With a slight grain and pops of saturated color, the cinematography pays homage to the likes of Wes Anderson and Quentin Tarantino, while also drawing upon several mythical and Biblical stories involving "dangerous women," including the myth of Narcissus, Adam and Eve, the beheading of John the Baptist and, of course, Samson and Delilah. Talk about taking your namesake to the next level. [via PAPER]

International superstar Netta drops 'CEO', a powerhouse punch of sultry pop that is sure to become a global anthem for self-empowerment. A slinky, mid-tempo pop gem about running your own life, making your own decisions, and taking charge, 'CEO' is the first bite of what Netta has planned over the next few months. Also out now is the accompanying video for 'CEO' which is, of course, quintessential Netta -- artfully cartoonish, delightfully off-the-wall, and with 100% conviction. Set in an initially humdrum and blasé reality, the Eurovision champ crawls her way out from under the oppression of “the man” to a triumphant and fiery climax of self-empowerment. Of the track, Netta said “I have often found it extremely hard to make decisions by myself, letting other people’s fears, agendas and preferences penetrate my mind, until it’s completely submissive. I am the mothafuckin’ CEO of my business, my life and my journey. I’m manifesting control back into my life. I wrote 'CEO' as a call for everyone to join the tribe, be fearless and fierce, and make your own choices.” Of the video (directed by Roy Raz), she added “We wanted to portray and symbolize the process that happens in my mind when I decide to take matters into my own hands. When my mind is set, hell breaks loose, and it’s infectious.” [via Shorefire]

Keeper E.’s new video for her standalone single, 'Fourteen,' is a reminder that youth is wasted on the youth, that all things come to an end, and the people we were a decade ago aren’t the people we are now. It’s an atmospheric synth-driven track about the failings of our limited forms that invariably march along with time to their bitter end. And yet, somehow, we still mark every birthday with a celebration. ‘Fourteen”—self-directed, and shot and edited by Paul Aarntzen (formerly of Hillsburn)—looks a bit like The Virgin Suicides on steroids. All the pieces of a party are there, but something feels very off. The celebrations seem grim, the wash of pastel pinks distorted into a harsh neon. It seems a metaphor for the traditions of a familiar celebration that gets a little more macabre with every milestone marked. Keeper E.’s 'Fourteen' however, contains the hope that there’s something beyond all that. “It is especially disheartening to discover the activities you used to do are no longer available to you because of your body’s new limitations. It feels unfair that the homes we have to live in for our entire lives seem to deteriorate constantly after we are born,” says Keeper E., aka Adelle Elwood. “The one consolation is that perhaps our failing bodies can remind us of our impermanence on earth. It can connect us to the generations who have lived before us, and it can help to put our lives in perspective. As our bodies break, it reminds us that we are not just physical beings, and reconnects us with the emotional, spiritual, and mental aspects of our lives. Our presence on earth is much more than just our bodies, and our skin isn’t the only thing holding us together. We are all connected to each other and to the earth.” The flip side of this is that after so many birthday parties,  they eventually lose their appeal. To an extent, we outgrow them, they become childish, unbecoming of someone of a certain age, and even farcical. Similarly, these bodies grow dated and our interest wanes. We just have to hope that whatever comes next is better than cake and piñatas. [via The East]

Lennon Stella returns with a new single, 'Fancy,' via RECORDS/Columbia. Co-written with GRAMMY Award-winner Malay (Lorde, Frank Ocean, Zayn) – who also produced the track – and longtime collaborator Simon Wilcox, 'Fancy' showcases Lennon’s signature indie-pop sound and spellbinding vocals that shine throughout the dreamy and atmospheric pop-production. The accompanying music video, directed by Amber Park (Camilla Cabello, Katy Perry), acts as a visual extension of the song, characterized by sequences that take on a rhythmic, dreamlike quality and redefine the boundaries of reality. The surreal and floaty song is matched with ethereal, prismatic imagery that perfectly reflects the nature of the track, and the kaleidoscopic visuals complement Lennon’s dynamic and captivating vocals. “I’m so amped to have ‘Fancy’ out and floating around, both the video and the song,” Lennon shares. “I wrote it earlier this year with Malay and Simon Wilcox, two of my very favorite people. I was smiling ear to ear singing ‘I’m feeling that high vibration’ in the vocal booth so I hope everyone feels the high vibrations and loves the song like we do :)” She adds about the video, “The video gave the song a whole other level of life and was such a sick experience getting to make with the loveliest Amber Park.” [via the Music Universe]

In a ‘fearless, empowered, and independent’ visual extravaganza, global pop singer Noa Kirel weaves a captivating tale about ‘how other people see you in their minds,’ and how perception can be deceiving. Noa Kirel’s newest video has a little bit of everything: euphoria-inducing chemicals; a giant crane game, where she’s the most sought-after prize; synchronize aqua-choreography; an unintentional visual pun of the term “designer drugs”; and more eye-catching colors than an electric rainbow. Paired with the undeniable groove and Noa’s intoxicating vocals, and 'Bad Little Thing' is a very, very good thing. It’s also a great introduction to those who are unaware of this global pop phenomenon. “Now ‘Bad Little Thing‘ is yours, and I hope you’ll love it and feel empowered!” Noa tells HollywoodLife. The song’s lyrics are about how she cannot be controlled, and they pair well with the visual, which she says is about “how other people see you in their minds.” Each dose takes you to a different world, where Noa takes on a different aspect. “This is one part of me – fearless, empowered, and independent,” she says. “Hope people feel the same after listening to it!” [via Hollywoodlife]

Following her latest single 'Vibrate' with Pink Sweat$, IV JAY releases a new powerful single 'Got Me Insane'. The new single is accompanied by a captivating music video that highlights IV’s growth. The vocals seductively drip as she makes a confession, “You make me wanna stay, because the way that you do what you do to me, got me insane.” “I’m usually very closed off and quiet, but I shed my skin,” IV reveals. “‘Got Me Insane’ comes from loving classic R&B. I’m showing IV JAY can get a little sexy and be grown!” The single was written entirely by IV herself, who warns she’s “no fun to be around / might just burn this bitch down” in the hard-hitting track. [via Out Now]

mazie is making a name for herself with music that mixes modern malaise with vintage psychedelia: nostalgia laced with an impending sense of doom fueled by a world in ever-deepening crisis. The Baltimore-raised, Los Angeles-based musician released her debut EP the rainbow cassette this summer via Good Boy / Virgin. Now, mazie returns with a new single and video, 'spinnin.' “‘spinnin’ felt like such a turning point for me in the studio — we made the whole thing in a day,” notes mazie. “It just flowed out of me. It’s exactly the music that I wanted to be making after the EP and said exactly what’s on my mind: I might not know who I am or where I’m going but life keeps moving and that’s enough for me!” The track is also accompanied by a psychedelic, bubble gum-colored video, directed by Lauren and Phil. [via FEMMusic]

Fans of Nigerian singer Simisola Kosoko, simply known as Simi, have sung her praises on her new song 'Woman'. The song, which was released alongside its video on Friday, addresses the issues women face while celebrating their strength and courage. Ahead of the song launch, the songstress pioneered a #NobodyLikeWoman challenge on Instagram, where women spoke about the hurtful words that have been said to them. 'Woman' was written and mixed by Simi while Vtek handled the production and mastering of the song. The video of the Afrobeats song was directed by Dammy Twitch, and contains colourful visuals and electrifying choreography. [via Punch]

[threadly-intent]

The Witchiest Hat

Lately I’ve been very inspired with the intersection of fashion and fibre art. I also have always had a love of anything costume-y and witch hats in particular are the thing I seem to re-do again and again.

So when my sister in-law asked me to make her “the witchiest witch hat,” well I was literally bursting with ideas.

and what could be witchier then building a hat from the yarn up?

I knew I wanted a very full felt with a lot of dimensionality, so I started with 3 colours of Gist’s 3/10 Alpaca randomly alternated in the warp of a 8 shaft satin weave. I used a 3/60 black merino as my weft. I’d run several felting tests with both yarns and found this combo gave a felt so thick and full it is almost like working with a buttery soft hide. This stuff is almost 1/4″ thick uncompressed. The looser Alpaca fibres also give the felt a full, super fine pile.

I liked the resulting fabric enough that I will probably make it again for throw blankets. The weight, drape and softness would be perfect. The incredible unwashablility is a definite down side. This stuff LOVES to felt.

This is also our first peek at my camera having a really hard time capturing the colour. It’s an effect I did deliberately because I love using colour theory to make weirdly saturated neutrals, and what’s more magical than weird, shifty colours? I didn’t really think about the fact it would be nearly unphotographable. I did my best to correct it, but sometimes it’s a real blue/gold dress situation.

Not sure if this would count as boiling, fulling or felting but basically I just wet felted the hell out of it until there was no more shrinkage left. Once fully dry I used a boar bristle brush to brush the pile along the grain line and gave everything a full steam and press to set it

The most nerve wracking part was definitely cutting out the pieces. I was triple checking every measurement and line.

Just check out how ridiculously thick and plush this felt is. Worth the trouble if you have a loom and like to sew this sort of thing. Would make amazing teddy bears too!

So this is why I wanted such a insanely thick felt. I got weirdly obsessed with the idea of decorating just one side of the brim, while keeping the brim a single layer and not using paint... Also I really wanted to try needle felting decorative elements onto a sheet of felt, like a felted embroidery kinda deal.

I’ve also been loving the moths on everything trend and moths also seemed like the most obvious thing to put on an entirely woolen item. 

For reference, I printed out photos I got from the net, using a photo editor to cut out the moths and make sure they were all the same size. This way I could trace around and then use the image as a rough guide. 

I felt like a butterfly collector pinning the print outs to the felt.

It was so hard to only pick 5 moths, which I think means I need to do some more moth themed things in the near future...

Next I sewed the brim and crown together, felting over the seam on both sides. Notice how you can’t see any of the lower detail on this side of the brim.

Guess I’d better weave a hat band! I was experimenting to find something geometric but slightly off-seeming. As non-Euclidian as can be managed in 8 tablets or less. The centre also kind of reminds me of the logo from Reboot which is a definite bonus.

brb her budgeness needs attention

I have a thing where I like to sew the hat band and the crown ribbon at the same time. This is probably a terrible practise, but the symmetry of it makes me happy.

Also I absolutely had to use this ghost ribbon as soon as I saw it. I like to think that they’re the starter ghosts since a brand new hat wouldn’t be haunted naturally yet. In the actual, practical purpose, this ribbon will keep the wool around the crown from stretching with wear so this hat will keep fitting for years to come.

The felt is stiff enough that it could almost hold the full brim shape on its own, but I like having more control than that, so using a button hole stitch, I wrapped some heavy duty millinery wire and sewed it to the brim. My stitches weren’t as tidy as they could have been, and I wanted to add a bit more structure to that area, so I felted in more alpaca fibre as an accent stripe. 

So that's how I made this witch hat! Feel free to try making your own. The whole process took me about 2 months, so not a weekend project by any means, but I can’t resist a project like this every now and again.  I could see it being a lot faster with a full wet felting with roving method, but headspace is 100% weaving rn so that’s what I went with. If you do make a hat inspired by this, please tag me, I’d love to see it!!

[serendipityunho]

always yours (pg) — jung wooyoung

The bickering, the arguing. There was only so much you could handle before you lost your mind.

You were sick of the aggravated voices booming through the house, it gave you headaches to the point of crying. You hated it. The feeling of weakness flowing through your body and the feeling of uselessness as you weren’t able to do anything about it.

It only stopped for a little bit. You had to cherish those few seconds of silence before the pounding headaches hit you like a brick once again. You knew that if you tried to scream, nothing would come out no matter how hard you try, not even a whimper. 

Never have you had the thought of running away cross your mind but tonight might be the first. Nothing was stopping you. Your parents probably wouldn’t even notice, too busy throwing curses and yells into each other’s faces. 

It was better out than trapped inside this box of hell. But where was there to go? Anywhere but here.

You did it.

Contemplating every decision you were about to make with each step down the stairs to the front door. And you were right, they didn’t notice. You could even hear their tiresome voices from outside.

That’s when you ran, you ran like you never wanted to go back. Never looking back, afraid of the possibility of a sudden change in mind. 

The streets were the embodiment of how you were feeling. Empty, dark, cold, only a little bit of light left. 

You didn’t even realise you were panting like crazy until your legs had slowed down after growing tired of the sprint you had just done. The headache seemed to have been consumed with spins now, just great. It felt like it was about to explode any second now with the cold air sinking in every pore of your body.

Slight relief flushed over you as your eyes land on the flickering neon lights of a convenience store situated in the corner of the street. It drew you in like a moth as your legs start moving again. 

A slight buzz filled your ear as you approached, eyes aching slightly at the sign. It was empty, of course it was, it was a dead street.

A foot into the store and you felt calmer than ever, the quiet atmosphere was more than enough to have you breathing normally again. The cashier looked as if they were seconds away from falling asleep, it was a twenty-four-hour store after all. 

There was a little seating area further inside the store in front of the ceiling-high window, a man occupied the spot towards the end of the table with nothing but a cup of some sort of steaming hot beverage in his hands. If only you took the time to snatch some change off of your table, you wouldn’t be licking your lips for something warm to fill your cold body. 

As you grew closer to the line of seats, the face of whom sitting alone grew recognisable. It wasn’t just a random stranger chilling in a convenience store in the middle of the night. It was, in fact, someone you had once known very well.

You wouldn’t be able to mistake that jawline for anyone else other than Jung Wooyoung. Your heart clenched at the sight of him finally in front of you. 

People say losing friendships with someone you were once close to was worse than heartbreak, you finally understood that after conflicting discourses between the two of you that lead to him parting his way and you parting the other. Not a day goes by without you wishing things could back to the way it was, the way it could be. 

It would be cliche to say Wooyoung was your everything, but he was. He was the only one that understood, the one that could. 

The chair pulled out with ease as you take a seat on it, you didn’t bother taking another glance at Wooyoung, you couldn’t despite how badly you just wanted to mutter a greeting to him. Nothing was the same after your partings, no regular hallway scares, no contagious laughter, no nothing. You missed it dearly.

What were you supposed to do sitting here? That was the real question. Stay until the sun comes up? Wait until your parents go berserk and search for you? Let’s just see where the night takes you. 

It was a silence you’ve been dreading for so long. Free and away from the chaos at home. Back when you and Wooyoung were attached to the hip, he was your place of sanctuary, always buying rice cakes for the two of you to snack on and hopefully take your mind off things. But now it seems like he was the only one on your mind considering he was literally sitting three seats away from you.

“You still wear that ring to sleep?” You jumped at the sudden voice, eyes widening as you stop fiddling with your fingers.

“You know I don’t take it off” It took some courage to raise your head, facing the voice beside you.

It was almost like you were in a fever dream just seeing Wooyoung’s eyes again, his face, him. You didn’t realise how much it hurt to be away from him for so long until now when a stinging feeling erupts in the pit of your stomach.

The ring on your index finger was a simple silver band, given to you by Wooyoung when he had experienced his first heartbreak and you were there to console him. A little ‘thank you’ since he had been too embarrassed to say it out loud to your face. 

“Finally did it huh? Ran away from your parents?” It was Wooyoung who had given you the idea of running away even though you never thought you’d consider it. You wouldn’t say his situation was the same but he always managed to find a way to escape it.

His irrational decisions always taught you lessons, to never do what he did. But look where you are now.

“Is it that obvious?” You chuckled, shifting uncomfortably in your seat.

“Why else would you be sitting here at three in the morning?” Wooyoung’s face remained blank, a tint of concern pooling in his eyes as he pivoted his body to face you.

“Speaking of which, why are you?” 

“Same thing”

“Oh,” Do you comfort him? Leave him alone? He probably spoke up for a reason, didn’t he? “, what happened this time?- I mean, you don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t want to-”.

“- Actually, they kicked me out”

“O-Oh, I’m sorry” You weren’t surprised at all to be honest. You saw this coming, just never expected it to be now. Wooyoung never really did have a good bond with his parents, it was fragmented to the point where you could never remend it. 

“It’s fine, better now than never. I can’t stand it there anymore” You could almost feel his pain through his words. It pained you to know Wooyoung was thinking so lowly, yearning for escape from his own parents.

“Where are you going to go?” 

“I don’t know, my friend Jongho got himself a place. I might crash there for a while” It was only the two of you back then, seems like he’s moved on pretty quickly after that too. But you? It was progress.

“Good luck”

“Where are you going to go? Are you just staying here for the rest of the night?” Wooyoung furrowed his brows, resting his chin on the palm of his hand as the two of you spoke more words than you could’ve possibly expected.

“If I have to, yes” 

“Good luck to you too then”

“Thanks”

Silence once again. The shot of serotonin from just talking to Wooyoung was the only thing keeping you awake, keeping your mind busy and away from home. You wanted to thank him, thank him for talking to you even though it was barely anything, you were happy to hear his voice. Probably one last time.

You trace the silver ring with your finger, facing back to the window as you sit in silence. You could feel Wooyoung’s gaze still on you from the side of your head, a part of you wanted to face back to him and talk, the other just wants to be left alone in complete silence hoping for the night to pass quicker.

“I’ll be back” Your head snapped up to Wooyoung pushing himself off his seat and disappearing into the aisles of goods. 

You could see Wooyoung eyeing some food near the cold area from the circled mirror in the corner of the store. He had grabbed a few things before approaching the cashier, muttering a faint ‘thank you’ before moving back to the other side of the store.

What was this boy doing? 

It was the echo of beeps that had sprung your interest now. Wooyoung was standing in front of the microwave, tapping his foot as he looked around. His eyes met yours in the mirror, throwing you a small smile before looking back at his little project.

The whirring sound of the microwave halted as Wooyoung pulled out whatever was inside, holding it but its edges and speedwalking back to your little seating area. This time, sitting next to you.

“I bought us rice cakes” You didn’t know what to say, just staring at Wooyoung with awe as he shot a meaningful smile, handing over a second fork to you.

“Wha-”

“I know you don’t eat when shit like that happens so you must be hungry as fuck right now, just eat with me. Please?” 

Your heart softened at his words, lips twitching into a small smile as you accept the fork he held out. Your life turned to darkness after Wooyoung had parted from you, but now, it was like you had found light again.

“Thank you, Wooyoung” 

He chuckled, stabbing a rice cake with his fork before raising it up to your mouth with his hand under to catch any fallout. This wasn’t the first time you’ve seen this trick. Your mouth opens with an ‘ah’ as Wooyoung chuckles softly while feeding you.

“I missed you, I missed you so much” He says softly.

“Don’t leave me ever again, please” You choked, the stinging feeling had come back as you feel tears lining your vision. From those three platonic words, it was enough to open a door full of closeted emotions.

“I won’t ever think about it” Wooyoung instantly embraced you in a hug, rubbing your back with his hand as you let a tear fall. 

“Promise?”

“I promise”

[angelofthequeers]

If canon!Luka is too much of a blank slate, and fanon!Luka is basically Adrien-lite, what would you fo if you had to fix his character? Not a stan or anything like that, I agree with you on Luka, it's just I saw many posts like like yours about him but not a single one that said: "This is what I would do if I had to give him depth:", please correct me if I'm wrong and just didn't look hard enough. (I'm on mobile and English isn't my native language, please be gentle (._.))

Just have him not revolve around Marinette. That’s literally it. More detail and an analysis of a few scenes below the cut, because that’s the simple answer to your question but I have to go in-depth to really explain where I’m coming from. And your English is just fine! I’ll kick the kneecaps of anyone who makes fun of you for it, because heck if I can speak anything other than English. All the quotes I use are from the transcripts on this site here.

Luka’s got a few basic traits and some hints of flaws but because his screen time revolves solely around his love interest - with the exception of that one scene in ‘Reflekdoll’ with Juleka - they haven’t been developed nearly as much as they could have been, and so we haven’t seen him developing independently of Marinette because any character development is tied directly to her. For example, it could be a double-edged flaw slash core personality trait that he doesn’t get too angry on behalf of himself but he gets furious when someone he loves is threatened. It would be a nice parallel to Adrien and serve to further show how they’re foils. But since we’ve only seen him getting angry on behalf of Marinette, it’s not nearly as fleshed-out a trait as it could have been. If we’d even had just one scene of him reacting to Juleka’s akumatisation, it would’ve expanded him so much further than as just a love interest.

Whether Kagami is objectively more developed is an argument I don’t want to get into, even if I’m going to analyse her below, but she definitely comes across as a lot more fleshed out because she doesn’t exist to revolve around Adrien. Her debut episode involves Adrien but isn’t focused on him and her (first) akumatisation isn’t due to her role as Adrien’s love interest, whereas Luka’s akumatisation episode focused very pointedly on his role as Marinette’s love interest. He only got mad enough to attract an akuma once Bob Roth threatened Marinette, not when the music of his entire band was threatened - because it’s not just him in Kitty Section, and one of the other members is his sister. I can quote the scene and put bold emphasis on how his anger only really flares when it’s Marinette he’s talking about.

Luka: That’s not true! You copied Marinette’s costumes!

Marinette: And it’s the exact same song. You stole Luka’s music!

XY: Oh, come on. Let’s not exaggerate now. We may have just been a little bit… inspired, that’s all.

Luka: Inspired? You flat out stole! You didn’t design this mask! (rips mask from XY’s head) Marinette did!

Marinette: Listen, it’s not too late to do the right thing. Just tell the truth and let Kitty Section appear on the show. That’s all we’re asking.

Bob: Yeah. First they’ll wanna be in the show. Then they’ll be asking for a cut of the profits. No way! Never saw or heard of Kitten Division.

Luka: Forget it, Marinette. It’s no big deal. Let’s just go.

Marinette: No! It’s not fair! I won’t stand by and let my friends’ work get stolen. (to Bob) If you won’t tell the truth, then I will! Right now, on the air, live! (walks up to the camera)

Bob: (grabs Marinette’s arm) If you do that, I’ll tell them you’re the copycats, not me. I’ve got all the music biz eating out of my hand. So who do you think they’re gonna believe? Me, or a group of nobodies?

Luka: Grrr…

Bob: You’ll never have a future in this business. You’ll never make another costume. And there’ll be no more music for your buddies because as far as everyone’s concerned, you’ll be the rip-off artists.

Luka: Grrr…

.

(The akuma enters the mask Luka is holding)

(’Silencer’)

Luka’s primary concern in this scene is that Marinette was cheated. Marinette is the one bringing up Kitty Section and how their music was stolen, but Luka is laser-focused on how Marinette’s designs were stolen. Even when they first see the stolen music video as a group, he’s focused on Marinette.

Ivan: But that’s our original style!

Luka: (to Marinette) Your unicorn, and your mask!

Marinette: (to Luka) That’s your melody. (to Rose) It’s your music. That’s not fair! That should be you guys up there on TV. There better be a good explanation. We have to have it out with Bob Roth and XY.

Again, Marinette is the one to bring up how Kitty Section was cheated. Marinette and Ivan. And again, Luka was focused on how Marinette was cheated. This episode could have been a great way to flesh out Luka, to show his dedication to his band and his furious desire to protect his loved ones, but it ends up being just a whole 22 minutes of him revolving around Marinette. This is literally the episode of him being The Perfect Boyfriend, for people to project their ideals onto and squee about how he’s so perfect and romantic for Marinette. Leaving out that Adrien and, arguably, Chat haven’t needed flowery speeches and a laser focus on only Marinette/Ladybug to win her heart, and she constantly goes back to him whereas, like I mentioned in my last post about Luka, she seems to kind of just…blush and then move on from Luka’s confession.

Now let’s compare the scene before Kagami’s akumatisation and bold her focus:

Kagami: (She sighs in defeat, then walks up to Adrien, offering her hand for a shake, which Adrien takes. Kagami calmly walks out of the room.)

.

Adrien: I’m going to offer him a decisive match. (He goes running after Kagami, grabbing her saber from the ground as he goes. Kagami is about to get into her car when Adrien catches up to her) Hey! Wait! Your saber!

(Kagami throws her glove into the car and removes her helmet, turning to look at Adrien expectantly. As she does so, Marinette runs up to the school entrance.)

Adrien: (Momentarily stunned by her appearance.) Let’s do a… decisive match? (As he speaks, he notices Kagami’s ring.)

Kagami: What’s the point? You won. There’s no such thing as a second chance in my family. Goodbye. (She gets into her car, which drives off.)

.

Kagami’s mother’s: (Voicemail) I’m not available at the moment. Leave a message. (Beep!)

Kagami: Mother, you thought I was good enough, but… I lost. I won’t be joining the D'Argencourt Academy. (she hangs up and sits back in her seat. The akuma flies into her ring.)

Hawk Moth: Riposte! I am Hawk Moth. I’m giving you a second chance to prove that you are the best fencer of all, but in return, you must bring me Ladybug and Chat Noir’s Miraculous.

Kagami: On my honor, Hawk Moth, I shall be victorious! (She transforms into Riposte, slicing open a new sun roof into her car and leaving.)

(’Riposte’)

Even the locations of the akumas give that little extra boost of characterisation. Kagami’s is in her ring, showing the audience that her drive is to be the best and make the Tsurugi family proud and she and her mother don’t tolerate failure, because they stake their honour on success. Luka’s is in the mask that Marinette made, which just shows that…he’s angry because Marinette was wronged. And yes, Hawkmoth’s speech includes the line of “The anger of a creator whose work has been stolen” but considering that every bit of Luka’s anger up to this point has been focused on Marinette, it just…rings hollow. The Lukanette stans noticed this too, but they took it as a positive and used it to shout about how much Luka loved Marinette and how sweet it was that she was the reason he was akumatised - and believe me, I used to be there, I’ve seen it.

And yes, I know that ‘Oni-Chan’ exists. I know that Kagami’s reason for akumatisation revolved around Adrien and that her akumatised object was the rose that he gave her. But I’m focusing on debut akumas and even then, it shows that there’s a jealous, possessive side to her. It works with her previous appearances to round her out, to show that she’s driven and ambitious but also jealous and possessive. ‘Ikari Gozen’ takes this even further and shows that she’s awkward and wants to make friends but doesn’t know how to interact with other people, and it furthers her focus on honour and worthiness and shows that she ties her self-worth with her success:

Hawk Moth: How tragic it is to feel unloved. Alone, deprived of friendship. (turns a butterfly into an akuma) Fly away, my little akuma, and evilise her!

.

Kagami: I guess I’m not worthy of our friendship; our bloodtypes must be too incompatible.

(’Ikari Gozen’)

Although each episode that she’s in does feel like a totally different portrayal of her, and a lot of criticism/dislike for her came from how she felt all over the place, they’ve also come back together to tie her together as a multifaceted character: someone who’s ambitious and must be the best (’Riposte’), who sees romance as a competition like she does fencing (the whole “change your target” to Adrien and “I never hesitate” to Marinette in ‘Frozer’ and her admission that she has to win Adrien’s heart in ‘Heart Hunter’) - which further adds to her lack of ability to navigate social situations that’s expanded upon in ‘Ikari Gozen’, an episode that also emphasises her fatal flaw of never hesitating. Yes, she’s right to say that hesitation can cost you, but this episode shows that some hesitation is necessary, and jumping into things without thinking and expecting everyone else to do so will definitely lead to some stumbles.

Every time Luka’s on the screen, I don’t really learn anything new about him. All I know is that he’s romantic and likes Marinette and only gets angry on behalf of his loved ones. His first meeting with Marinette focused on how he found her cute and how she was flustered, whereas Kagami’s first meeting with Adrien wasn’t focused on the Adrigami ship outside of Adrien’s Pink Bubble Love Stupor. And first meetings tend to set the tone of how characters are going to interact. Marinette/Adrien and Marinette/Kagami’s first meetings focused on misjudgement and how someone’s impression of another person isn’t necessarily correct, and we see this with how Marinette goes gaga over Adrien and has her moments of seeing him as a perfect Greek god (which isn’t to say that she worships him like a fangirl, but rather that her crush is acting as major rose-tinted glasses) and how she blows Kagami up as an evil villain in her mind until she pops her own bubble and makes herself see Kagami as another person instead of an evil rival. And Ladybug/Chat Noir’s first meeting focused on having to build a partnership on the spot and showed how Chat didn’t fall for her until after she’d stood up to Hawkmoth and declared that they would protect Paris. But Marinette/Luka’s first meeting shows that Marinette gets flustered around pretty boys and Luka just…up and decided that he liked her. It shows that Luka’s focus is going to be Marinette and that’s it.

I’ll cut Luka a little slack and admit that yes, ‘Desperada’ did have him become Viperion because “Desperada attacked my friends and my family”, just as Kagami became Ryuuko to save her mother, and this scene wasn’t specifically focused on how Marinette and only Marinette might have been affected. But the starting scene of the episode once more shows us something else about Kagami - that she’s got a mischievous side and is starting to be rebellious and sneak around behind Tomoe’s back - while showing us nothing about Luka except that he’s…got a crush on Marinette, which appears to be reciprocated, and that he’s good at guitar. Which we already knew.

Marinette: You’re so talented, Luka. How long have you been playing for?

Luka: Since I was in diapers. (strums guitar)(Marinette giggles.)

Alix: I get the feeling Marinette likes Luka a lot.

.

Alix: Your father let you out?!

Adrien: We’re officially at fencing practice right now, but - oh, no, Kagami. Isn’t this the wrong address?

Kagami: Oh, dear, I think you’re right.(Adrien and Kagami chuckle.)

(’Desperada’)

Even the ending scenes of Luka and Kagami’s debut episodes set the tone for them. In Luka’s debut of ‘Captain Hardrock’, the ending is focused on his role as Marinette’s new love interest and as a rival of Adrien’s, even if they don’t actually see each other as rivals.

Adrien: Thanks, uh…

Luka: Luka.

Adrien: Thanks, Luka.

Alya: (To Marinette): Is the compass going crazy?

(’Captain Hardrock’)

On the other hand, Kagami’s debut episode ending focuses on how she craves friends and would love to get to know a friend of Adrien’s, along with her competitiveness and desire to win in a now-friendly rivalry that grows into a friendship and then romance, rather than love at first sight. Just like the meetings between Marinette/Adrien and Ladybug/Chat Noir, it sets the scene and promises more to come, rather than laying all the cards on the table and basically just stating “yeah, this character’s just gonna be a love interest and just be chill and co-exist with their love rival” like the Marinette/Luka and Adrien/Luka ones do.

Adrien: Please, take it. (He again holds out Kagami’s saber to her.)

Kagami: (She glances between Adrien and her saber for a moment before taking it back) I’ll be happy to get to know your friend Marinette! (She and Adrien bow to each other. She and Adrien look at each other for a moment before Adrien holds out his hand.)

Adrien: My name’s Adrien. What’s yours?

Kagami: Kagami. (She takes Adrien’s proffered hand and shakes it, then walks to her car. She looks back at Adrien.) Get ready for that decisive match!

Adrien: I can’t wait, Kagami.

So basically, to give him depth, I wouldn’t focus so much on his guitar. I’d maybe show someone getting annoyed that he defaults to his guitar, because we got one line in ‘Captain Hardrock’ that he finds it easier to speak through music but it doesn’t really flesh him out since no one else comments on it or gets annoyed by it. It’s a trait that’s got nothing else to work off, whereas Kagami’s awkward attempts to socialise with Marinette and her abrasive manner clash with Marinette’s misconceptions of her and create that scene in ‘Ikari Gozen’ where Marinette realises that she’s treated Kagami awfully and Kagami said that she wasn’t worthy of Marinette’s friendship. Like Luka’s guitar, Kagami’s awkwardness and bluntness aren’t inherently a flaw, but they act as one in certain circumstances and end up fleshing her out just that little bit more.

I’d focus a little more on his relationships with everyone else. At least with Kagami, we know that she’s awkward and has no friends outside of Adrien (and later Marinette), so it makes sense that she wouldn’t have very many other relationships. We’ve even seen her relationship with her mother and how her few friendships - Adrien and Marinette - are influencing her to change and become more rebellious, such as the escape scene in ‘Heart Hunter’. I’m not counting Instagram posts, otherwise I’d point out Kagami spending time with Marinette’s friends as well and bonding with them as more evidence. But Luka’s part of a band and canonically hangs out with Marinette and her friends, so to break him free of just being a satellite love interest to orbit around Marinette, just show him interacting with others independent of Marinette. Show more of him being a big brother to Juleka; show how he interacts with Rose, as Juleka’s best friend; show the relationship between him and his mother, because they seem to be more like house(boat)mates at this point, and Anarka and Tomoe have had roughly the same amount of screen time, especially with their kids.

I’d also make him a little more of a rival to Adrien. He doesn’t have to be mean and antagonistic like how the Marinette/Kagami rivalry started - a rivalry doesn’t necessarily have to be negative - but he does have to show some reaction to losing Marinette to Adrien. All he ever does is push her into Adrien’s arms, which is all well and good to show how selfless he is, but he’s never visibly upset. His smile never wavers. He never shows any sign of being upset at losing the girl he supposedly loves to someone else; he’s basically just The Perfect Boyfriend who’s willing to let Marinette go if it means her happiness with no hurt feelings on his part, and the only force of rivalry that he exerts on Adrien is just making Adrien think that Marinette’s into him and therefore isn’t available, which isn’t even anything that Luka himself does, so I can’t even give that credit to him. He just…exists. While Marinette pushes Adrien and Kagami together for Adrien’s happiness, she shows outward signs of distress. She still gets jealous even though this is a decision she made. She’s sad over it. She’s human. But Luka? You could probably replace him with a pot plant and nothing would change.

[thiswasinevitableid]

For a fic prompt! How about Duck and Indrid are childhood best friends who are college roommates. Indrid has been in love with Duck for years, but when Duck starts dating Minerva it throws Indrid into a deep depression. Ideally Duck and Indrid do get together in the end (though hopefully Duck and Minerva’s breakup isn’t nasty) and you can get as angsty as you’d like! Honestly the angstier the better is my motto! Also I’m all for Indrid still having future sight, if you’d like! Thank you SO MUCH!

Here you go!

Quick content note: it contains trans Duck, including a scene where Indrid takes his side when he comes out in PE and, it’s implied, that coming out is not well recieved.

Indrid Cold lays face down on his bed. His phone is shoved under the black cotton of his pillow case, and he’s drawn the windows shut against the warm August air. 

This is a misery of his own making, he knows this. He can’t decide if the fact that it’s a misery nearly two decades in the making is impressive or pathetic. 

To understand the origins of it, one has to rewind the tape of his life back quite a ways.

——————————————————-

Duck Newton is six years old and hunting for miners lettuce in his backyard, when he feels like he’s being watched. 

Looking up, he finds a face framed with shaggy dark hair, glasses perched on a pointy nose, peeking over the fence at him. As soon as the face sees him, it ducks back down. 

Weird. 

He goes back to foraging, only to find the face watching him again a minute later. This time, when it disappears, he clambers up the oak tree alongside the fence and scoots carefully out onto a limb that sticks out into the neighboring yard. The face, which belongs to a boy about his age, is staring up at him, as if he expected Duck to appear. He’s standing on the edge of the decorative fountain the old neighbors put in the yard. 

“Why’re you watchin me?”

“I wanted to know what you were doing.” 

“How come?”

“I’m bored. My dads are putting the house together and I don’t want to draw anymore.” He points to a stack of pictures, next to some crayons that are melting in the sun. 

Duck thinks; he hasn’t had anyone to play with since school got out. Leo, who lives down the block, is nine, so not as interested in having Duck trailing after him like a little brother as he used to be.

“…You wanna go see a huge crawdad?”

The other boy perks up, “I have no idea what that is.  But yes.”

“C’mon, meet me in the front yard. What’s your name?”

“Indrid.”

“That’s a weird name.”

“What’s yours?” Indrid crosses his arms, eyebrow raised

“Duck.”

Indrid stares at him, wide mouth curling up at one side. His stare is a bit unnerving, and Duck feels the need to explain himself.

“It’s a nickname.”

————————————————————

“I think that’s the same large one from last year.” Indrid peers over his sketchpad, staring down at a crawdad scuttling through the clear creek.

“Told you we shoulda put a colored tape on them or somethin so we could keep track.” Duck looks at the crustacean, and then back at the project he’s working on.

They’re nine years old, hazy and sleepy in the summer afternoon. This part of the creek is shaded, keeps them hidden from passersby and parents alike (they’ve learned to tell at least one parent where they’re going, after Greg, one of Indrid’s dad’s, panicked looking for them). 

“What are you making?” Indrid wiggles next to him in the grass, gnawing his pencil as Duck shows him. 

“S’a reed raft. I’m gonna see how far I can float it down the river.”

“I will draw a flag for it.” Indrid scribbles, and Duck grins at him. He continues, “I’m glad you’re back. I hate when you got to your uncle’s during the summer. I have no one to talk to.”

“You could talk to Dani.”

“She’s busy a lot.”

Duck looks a little guilty, “Did you get the postcards?”

“Uh huh.” Indrid nods, smiling at his friend to show there’s no harm done. He knows it’s not up to Duck where he goes. The postcards are pinned to his wall, along with his own drawings, some horror movie posters, and the postcards from the last two summers. 

“Oh, look at what I found while we were at the lake.” Duck reaches into his pocket, pulling out a smooth, wiggly-striped stone, “Uncle Jeff says it’s agate.” 

He holds it out and Indrid takes it, runs his fingers along the smooth, cool surface. It feels lovely. And it reminds him of what he likes most about being Duck’s friend; Duck can make anything, even a rock, seem interesting and special. 

Indrid is reminded of another reason he is lucky to have Duck the next morning. 

All the adults are down in the living room, talking worriedly. There’s been a car crash on the nearby highway, and one of the trucks was carrying something toxic. The school is closed, and everyone has been told to stay home because the air could be unsafe. 

Indrid is under all his blankets, his sketchbook thrown to the other side of the room.

“‘Drid?” The door creaks as Duck enters the bedroom. 

He wants to beg him to hide under the covers with him. He wants to tell him to go away. 

He sniffs, wipes his nose on his arm, and hears Duck turn towards the bed. The covers slowly lift, and Indrid blinks blearily, tearily up at him.

“Have you been cryin?” Duck looks worried. 

He nods. 

“Did you know someone who got hurt?”

“No. I, I saw it happen. In my head. Over and over last night. I thought I was imagining it. But then it happened. Th-that happens a lot, ever since my birthday. It’s like, like I see things and then sometimes they happen and sometimes they don’t. I draw them but, but I’m afraid if my dad’s find out they’ll, they’ll think I’m wrong, somethings wrong with me.” 

As he’s talking, Duck sits down next to him, rests his arm around his shoulders. 

“Nothin’s wrong with you ‘Drid. This is weird, but it don’t make you bad. You should tell you dads. They’re nice, they’ll help you.” He squeezes Indrid’s arm, smiling at him as he rests his head on his shoulder, “I’ll help you too.” He slips the agate from his pocket and into Indrid’s hands, moves their fingers over it in tandem until the motion soothes Indrid’s breathing down, then tucks it into Indrid’s pocket.

————————————————————————————–

“You okay ‘Drid?” Duck plops down on a cafeteria bench Kepler Middle School, Indrid poking glumly at his fruit salad. 

“We had oral presentations today. I did mine on my moth.” He taps the jar in front of him. A week or so ago it had contained a caterpillar that he and Duck had identified as belonging to a Banded Tiger Moth. Indrid had decided to raise it into adulthood, Duck helping him figure out which weeds to feed it before it went into its cocoon. When it emerges, he and Duck have the perfect spot picked to release it.

“What’s wrong with your moth?”

“Nice glasses, mothman!” A voice yells, two boys high-fiving when Indrid shrinks in on himself. 

“Hey, fuck you, mothman rules!” Duck thanks his lucky stars none of the cafeteria monitors heard him. He recognizes those two; they’re in Indrid’s CORE class with him, meaning the nickname has already spread. Indrid, with his tics and his tendency to finish people’s sentences, his glasses and scraggly appearance, has been pegged as a target for months. It makes Duck’s blood boil to see them turn something Indrid spent time looking after into an insult. 

That night, he grabs a sharpie and one of his grey t-shirts. 

The next day, he turns up with “Mothman Rules” scrawled on his chest. Indrid’s smile is worth the lecture he gets about messing up his clothes. 

———————————————————–

Indrid and Duck sit side by side in the principals office. Their gym clothes in Kepler Middle’s colors, grey and maroon, seem even grimmer right now.

They haven’t done anything wrong, not as far as Indrid is concerned. 

Duck stood in the boys line-up during P.E, that’s all. When he refused to move to the girls line, the teacher told the rest of the boys to line up all over again, elsewhere. They all moved, except Indrid, who insisted that Duck was in the right line and refused to play along with a bid to deny that.

They have been sent to the principal for “causing trouble.”

“You didn’t have to do that.” Duck murmurs. 

“I did. You’re my friend, Duck. And Mr. H is an asshole.”

He thinks, but does not say, that it would take far more than a gym teacher and the threat of detention to leave Duck’s side when he’s in trouble.

———————————————————

It’s Indrid’s 16th birthday, and his dads are throwing a very subdued sweet sixteen. He dyed his hair silver, and they’ve ordered an entire table of desserts from a local bakery, and he, Duck, Juno, Dani, and Barclay have stuffed themselves while watching movies and teasing Dani for being ga-ga over her long-distance girlfriend, Aubrey, who she met playing an online tabletop games. 

Once the other three leave, Duck grabs Indrid’s jacket and hands it to him. 

“C’mon, lets go to the creek. Got somethin to show you.”

Indrid follows him, teasing him as they turn down the creekbed, “We’re not going to have a repeat of the beer incident are we?”

Duck laughs, “No. Learned better than to give that hummingbird palate of yours booze.”

They hit the familiar dirt of their favorite spot, and Duck gets on tiptoe and reaches into the trees above them. Strings of lights, red to match Indrid’s new glasses, and white, snap on. Below them is a blanket, and Indrid sits down with a perplexed smile. Then he checks the futures, and understands. 

“Is this entirely sanitary?”

“Enough.” Duck grins, pulling out a lighter and safety pin, “I did it on mine and I still got the ear.”

“Very well.” Indrid crosses his legs, checks the futures it be double sure this won’t end in infection, and braces himself, “left ear please.”

“Right. Okay, one, two-”

“OWowowowow.” 

“Done!”

“Ow.” Indrid winces as Duck cleans the newly-pierced ear, loosens his grip on the agate in his fist.

“Can’t believe you still carry that thing around.”

“I find it soothing. Ooh, how nice.” Indrid picks up the black moth-shaped earring Duck hands him. 

“Figured it’d be better to start with a smaller one. And now that you’re all done, you can officially burn your list.”

Indrid pulls a worn sheet of binder paper from his pocket. When he, and then Duck, turned fifteen, they wrote out lists of things they wanted to do before they hit sixteen. He crosses out get ear pierced, then mutters, “I’m still missing one.”

Duck looks at him quizzically. He turns the paper around and points to first kiss.

“Wait, I thought you and Carlos-”

“Nope. Never got that far before we broke up.”

Duck sits next to him, gets a mischievous grin on his face, “Think I know how to help.”

“How’s tha-”  

It’s barely a kiss, Duck bringing their lips together just long enough for Indrid to feel him sigh happily. Then he pulls back, still grinning. 

Indrid is certain that if he looked down at himself, his veins would be pulsing technicolor, his body lit up like the cheap neon in their tiny downtown. 

“Ta-dah, list complete.” Duck whispers. 

“Thank you.” Indrid whispers back. 

He doesn’t think much of it for the rest of the night, figures it’s just a meeting of Duck’s goofier side with his desire to help a friend. 

It’s only when he’s laying in bed, playing the kiss over and over again like a favorite song, that he realizes he might be in trouble. 

————————————————————-

Indrid knows the likely outcome, but that doesn’t stop him from leaping up excitedly when Duck bangs the front door open.

“‘Drid, I got in! did you, oh, hey Mr. Cold, did you?”

“Yes.” Indrid grins from the bottom of the staircase. 

“Oh hell yeah! Juno got in too! Maybe we can all be roommates.”

As much as Indrid would like that outcome, the arbitrary housing system of UWV Huntington has other ideas. Duck ends up partnered with an affable if often absent psych major, Juno gets a single in the same dorm, just two floors down, and Indrid is stuck with a frat-boy business major.

That doesn’t stop them from making the most of their first year of college. Indrid crashes on Duck’s floor some nights, and the two of them manage to swing having a film class together during spring semester. They each dip their toes into the wild sea that is college dating, with mixed results, trading advice and anecdotes in the dark of Duck’s room.

And none of that, not one single bit, does anything to dampen Indrid’s romantic feelings for his friend. 

It’s not that he doesn’t try, just as he’s been trying every day since his 16th birthday. He loves Duck as a friend, wants to be in his life forever. He can’t afford to love him any other way. It’s too risky. And so he tries, over and over and over, to quash those feelings. Sometimes they ebb, sometimes Indrid happily dates or hooks up with other people. 

But they always come back, like a faithful hound finding it’s way home. 

Because Duck will laugh in that ridiculous way of his, be vulnerable with Indrid in those private moments, make Indrid feel understood in a way no one else can. And he falls in love all over again. 

(And that’s before he even gets to the moments where Duck will strip his shirt off on hot days, or wander into the room in his boxer shorts, and Indrid feels the urge to plead with him for the privilege of feeling him up).

It’s because of all this that, when Duck asks if Indrid wants to move in together their sophomore year, he almost says no. 

But then he and Duck are sharing celebratory take-out in a half-unpacked apartment and he’s happier than he ever thought he could be. 

It’s not perfect by any means. Indrid can be messy, Duck can be terse, money can be tight. But Indrid is so at home with Duck, all that fades into the background. They have friends over, compare notes on dates, have junk food strewn study sessions on the couch, keep each other company during all nighters. 

Then, in May of their Sophomore year, things change. 

“‘Drid? Oh good, you’re still up. Um, I wanted to tell you somethin. Minerva and I are goin out.”

“Oh. That’s a bit unexpected.” Indrid sets his drawing aside.

“You tellin me you don’t use that magic-eight ball brain to spy on my love life?” Duck teases, plopping down onto the bed with him. 

“Never. So…why the switch from work-out buddies to this?”

“Dunno, just seemed like we’d been spendin a lot of time together. She actually tutored me back in high school, remember, so it’s kinda fun to be around someone who’s known me that long. Y'know, someone who watched me grow up.”

“I see.” Indrid kicks his jealousy until it goes limp and sinks back under the surface of his feelings, “well, that’s awesome then. I’m glad you’re excited Duck.”

And he is. It’s not a lie, goodness knows he’s well aware he has no claim to Duck’s affection or time. And Minerva does seem to make him happy, encourages Duck’s good habits like going to the gym (something Indrid has tried once and will never do again. Yoga and walking are fine by him).

But soon he cannot go anywhere with Duck, including his own apartment, without Minerva there. Duck spends all of his time with her, and Indrid learns it’s not just him; while Minerva is gladly included in their group get-togethers, Juno hasn’t seen Duck in weeks. And has barely heard from him. She is also a bit loud and Indrid, who has always had trouble with over-stimulation from noise, finds himself out of the apartment more and more often. 

Indrid can’t blame Duck for spending time with Minerva rather than him; she’s jockular, active, attractive (even if she does call Duck by his first name). Indrid is odd, reclusive, and well, weird looking. 

It all goes to hell at the end of August. 

“‘Drid! The study abroad program offered me a scholarship. I get to go to Brazil. This is so fuckin cool!”

“Wonderful!” Indrid claps his hands, “I know how badly you’ve wanted to go. You have to promise me to send me pictures of brightly colored bugs for art inspiration. Oh, and now we can tell Dani she has somewhere to stay while she and Aubrey look for a shared place.”

“Exactly. And guess what, it gets even better.”

“How-” he sees the answer coming, tries to keep his face neutral. 

“Minerva’s comin with me!”

“I wasn’t aware wildlife conservation and management was her area of interest.”

“It ain’t, but she’s comin as part of a grad study program. It’s gonna be so fuckin amazin.”

“I’m sure it will be.” The pull between his true feelings and his need to seem supportive renders his answer flat. 

“What’s up?” Duck sits down in the kitchen chair opposite him. 

“Nothing. Or, well, I suppose I’ve just now realized that I’ll be without a good friend for a semester. I’ll miss you.”

“Aw, I’ll miss you too, you big sap. Don’t worry, I’ll write you a bunch, send pictures too when I can.”

Indrid looks at the futures, then down at the table, “No, you won’t.”

“Huh? Why wouldn’t I?” Duck looks hurt.

“In all the timelines, you send me one postcard at maximum. In most of them, you send none. I slip your mind entirely, it seems.” His voice is tight.

“The fuck? How is that pos-”

“Any time not spent in the field, you are too engrossed by her to do anything else.”

Duck’s face hardens, “So that’s what this is really about.”

“I don’t know what you mean.” He lies. 

“You’ve been bothered by her since the start! You don’t think I notice that forced smile you get when she’s around, or the fact you leave the house when she comes over?”

“I get overstimulated when there is too much noise, you know that.” Indrid snaps back.   

“You hardly come out with us anymore, and you make it sound like she’s controlin me or some shit.”

“I, I do not. I just don’t enjoy when she barges in randomly.” He rubs his temples with his hands, trying to keep calm. 

“Christ, you really makin me choose between my best friend and the first girlfriend who’s made me feel this way? Why the fuck can’t you just be happy for me?”

“Because it should be me and not her!” Indrid spits out, hands dropping to the table and gaze meeting Duck’s own. 

Duck blinks back at him, “Really? Really? You had a million goddamn chances to confess how you feel and you choose now?”

“I, I didn’t, I tried so hard to ignore it, but, fuck, I didn’t mean to say it now but since I did: I’ve been in love with you for years. And, and I just, after everything, we’ve been so close-”

“What, you think that what, because we’ve been friends since we were kids and you been pinin after me for however the fuck long, I should just date you? Like it’s destiny or some shit? What the fuck man?” He stands and Indrid mirrors him. 

“Do not put words in my mouth. I never wanted to interfere in your life, I never, you can’t possibly know how I feel!”

“Oh yeah? You think I’m really that fuckin oblivious? I suspected you felt some kind of way about me, and I gave you chances to show me I was right!”

“Name one.” Indrid growls, stepping closer.

“Homecomin, my eighteenth birthday, about a dozen times last year where I asked if you had your eye on anyone and you’d change the goddamn subject,” Duck counts out on his fingers, closing the remaining distance, “hell, coulda used those weird powers of yours to see what would happen if you told me.”

“I was too scared to. And if you were so observant, and apparently not opposed to the idea, why didn’t you make a move on me?”

“What do you think me kissin you on your birthday was?”

“A joke! Goodness, Duck, you know I’m not great with social cues. I didn’t think you’d ever care about me that way.”

“You think I’m that fuckin shallow?”

“That’s not what I meant and you know it.” He growls. 

“So what was your end-game, huh? Just wait out everyone else, circle me like a fuckin vulture until I’d settle for you? Fuck, Minerva was right, you are creepy.”

Duck may as well have punched him. He sort of wishes he had. 

“Fuck. you. Wayne.” He hisses out, stepping around him and towards his room. 

“Nah, fuck you, Indrid. Fuck you for makin me think you actually cared about me when all you were doin was bidin your goddamn time!”

“That’s not, no, nevermind. I don’t have to explain myself to you.”

Duck tosses back, “That’s as good as a confession in my book, you creepy, mothman lookin motherfucker,” and Indrid slams the door. 

There’s ten minutes of hurried, angry movement in the rest of the apartment, and then the front door bangs shut. 

He cycles through anger (at himself, at Duck, at these obnoxious powers for not helping him prevent the fight), hurt, and numb acceptance that he has blown his oldest, closest friendship to smithereens. 

When he finally calms down enough to think clearly he realizes that, if nothing else, he doesn’t want that to be the last conversation they have before Duck leaves. 

He faceplants onto his bed, pulls out his phone, and types.

Indrid: I’m sorry for losing my temper, and for not telling you the truth sooner. Even though it would have been helpful if you’d been clearer in the past. Can we talk about this tomorrow, and try again?

The answer is immediate.

Duck: Staying with M until we leave. Don’t text me again unless the apartment is on fire.

He stares at the response, then slides the phone under his pillow, presses his face to the mattress, and lays there numbly until he falls asleep.

——————————————————

“Nope, you are not having a sad hook-up on my watch.” Barclay’s tone freezes Indrid in place, and he slumps back down into the booth at the bar. 

Barclay is only a year ahead of him, but at times he reminds Indrid of a mother hen. A very, very large mother hen. 

“I cannot believe I allowed you to drag me out on Homecoming weekend.”

“Indrid, you’ve been miserable for almost two months, and I’m honestly really worried about you. Plus, this place has super cheap, real good appetizers.”

“Thank you for not saying ‘apps.’’ Indrid sips his soda.

“That word is an abomination. And you’re avoiding the actual topic.”

“I destroyed my best friend’s trust in me, and am wallowing here while he cavorts in the rainforest with his girlfriend. I’ll survive, but there’s no rule that says I have to enjoy it.”

Barclay sighs, “Look, if I give you permission to be miserable while you do it, will you come to trivia night with me, Joe, and Jake? Dani’s usually out fourth, but she’s helping Aubrey get her magic show up and ready to open.”

Indrid blows a strand of hair from his face (the black patches are getting worse, he needs to dye it again), “I can mope as much as I want?”

“You can cry into your beer for all I care, as long as you let me buy it.”

Trivia night turns out to be much better than anticipated, though Joe, Barclay’s boyfriend, is terrifying to behold in a battle of information.

Movie goes better, game night even better still, and soon Indrid is hanging out with the others more days than not. He even helps Aubrey design and draw up some last minute posters for her show. 

It’s the morning after opening night (and the following celebration) that his phone alerts him to a new email. The subject simply says “Bug.”

It’s from Duck. 

All it contains is a photo, clearly taken at night on a phone, of a moth with bright pink wings and red eyespots. 

He types, Neat! Then, after a moment, adds What species?

He doesn’t expect a response. But the next day, another email awaits him.

Dr. Graslie (Entomologist here) thinks it’s Leucanella apollinairei. Here’s someone more familiar

This picture is of a small crustacean. Indrid smiles; it’s a crawdad. 

He replies Careful, maybe it followed you all the way from Kepler. Seen anything else interesting?

This time he waits two days for a response, but it opens with, sorry, internet is real spotty. Big shock, I know. 

This is followed by two paragraphs describing trees. Indrid has never been so happy to hear about root systems. 

Soon Duck is emailing him whenever he can. At first, it’s only about the wildlife, the field work he’s doing, and the terror of trying to practice hygiene in the middle of a rainforest. Slowly, other details appear; the things he’s homesick for, the ways in which he and Minerva are starting to grate at each other (you’d think being in the middle of nowhere’d get you some peace and quiet. Nope). 

Indrid responds with updates from school, pictures of the outings he and the others go on, news about the promo art several places in town have hired him to do after seeing the posters for Aubrey’s act. Says he hopes Minerva and Duck are able to work things out. 

Winter break comes sooner than seems possible, and he assumes the next time he sees Duck will be when they’re home visiting their folks. 

Which is why, when he’s sitting at home reading after his last final, the door opening alarms him (Dani has already moved out). That is, until he glimpses the future.

“Duck?” He calls softly.

His friend appears in the doorway, luggage left behind him in the entryway. 

“Hey, ‘Drid.”

“I, ah, assumed you’d be staying with Minerva until you could officially move out.”

Duck shakes his head, “I ain’t movin anywhere. Unless you want me to.”

“No.” Indrid fidgets with the agate, tucked safely in the pocket of his sweatpants. 

“We, uh, we broke up. Minerva and me. It was, uh, mutual, though she was the one to pull the trigger, so to speak. Just found there were some things we didn’t agree on. Weren’t compatible on neither.”

“I’m sorry.”

Duck snorts what’s almost a laugh.

“I mean it.” He stands, voices earnest and gentle, “I know you were happy with her, and the relationship meant a lot to you.”

“Yeah” Duck sounds tired, “It did. But it turns out another one meant more.”

Indrid stops moving. Also, possibly, breathing. 

“I…well, I sent you that first email instead of apologizin because I was still kinda hurt, but I realized I missed you. I didn’t want you gone from my life. And the longer I was gone, the more times I turned around wanting to tell you somethin and was sad you weren’t there, got excited at the thought of showin you somethin or sending you pictures, I realized I did plenty to fuck things up. And that’s before we get to the fact I was dreamin about you most nights.”

Duck steps awkwardly forward, until they’re toe to toe, “I missed you, ‘Drid. So fuckin much. And I’m sorry for the things I said durin the fight.”

“As am I. I ought to have thought how my confession would appear to you. I’m sorry I did not.”

“I guess, what I’m tryin to say is I feel like a real dipshit for havin to go halfway across the globe to realize what I really want.”

“And what do you want, Duck?”

Duck cups his cheeks, and then Indrid is tipping forward, into a kiss he’s dreamed of for years. His arms close around Duck’s shoulders, his lips taste chapstick and cold night air. He pulls away to breathe and gets only an instant to do so, Duck chasing his mouth for kiss after kiss, his eagerness sending them tripping onto the bed. 

Indrid lands on top of Duck, hears him whimper when his name leaves Indrid’s lips.

“‘Drid, ‘Drid, please-”

“Yes” He kisses his cheek, “whatever it is, the answer is yes.”

Duck giggles into his neck, “You got no idea how bad I wanna make a goof on that. But, fuck, ‘Drid, I can’t, all I want is you.”

“Likewise.” He purrs, hooking Ducks leg around his own, nuzzling up his neck before attacking his lips with kisses. 

“That, that a rock in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?” Duck tugs on his lower lip.

“Both. See?” He produces the agate, holds it where Duck can get a look at it.

“Holy shit, is that the one I gave you a million years ago?”

“Indeed. It became a sort of grounding object, because it was pleasant to touch and reminded me of you. Later it morphed into a sort of good luck charm.”

Duck closes Indrid’s fist around the rock and kisses it, grins, “There, now it’s twice as lucky.”

Indrid holds him close, basks in the love radiating from him as he murmurs, “It’s not the luckiest thing in the room, though. That honor, I believe, belongs to you and I.”

[copper-coin-writing]

A close shave

Hello everyone!  I’m back again with another excerpt from Apocalypse FM, my project for this month.  This time, we have three of the gang scavenging for supplies in an abandoned house, when things start to go wrong...

Halim went for the kitchen, while Zuri took the stairs all the way up.  He assumed Liam would take the second storey.  The fridge was unpowered, as he’d anticipated, but when he twisted the knob on the stovetop, he heard the telltale hiss he was listening for.  Gas.  They still had gas.

It had taken the expertise, or lack thereof, of all four of them to devise a solution to the gas problem.  Their burners needed it, and they hadn’t enough.  Halim had collected empty cannisters, Liam crafting a transfer valve along with Zuri.  Lara had had the balloon idea.

It hadn’t been a normal balloon, of course.  That sort of thing wouldn’t have stretched nearly wide enough.  But there had been a toy store by the docks…

The end result was a collection of enormous balloons, quite capable of both having a neck the size of the pump nozzle as well as stretching over a gas ring.  From there it was a matter of attaching the nozzle to the cannister, tying a few elastic bands around the balloon mouth, and turning the gas up to full.  Halim crouched down to wait.  It was not a quick process.

Upstairs, Liam rummaged through yet another chest of draws full of gently mouldering clothes.  Those that hadn’t been munched on by moths, that was.  They didn’t seem to discriminate.  He held one up, checking it for size.  Shaking his head, he replaced it, dug beneath it.

His fingers closed on plastic and he lifted out what he’d found.  It was a battery pack.  The wires led off it, down the side of the draws and along the edge of the wall.  In the accumulated dust and debris he doubted he would have spotted them.

Tracing the wires with his fingers along the wall, he walked back towards the door he’d come in through.  Round the corner, down the stairs.  It stopped midway down, burrowing under the carpet.  Pulling his multitool from his pocket, he cut back the carpet.  He swore.

The attic had no hole through to the roof, somehow.  Zuri soon created one.  The roof was not designed to prevent a determined girl with a broken bedpost from breaking out.  It was designed for rain, not sieges.

She broke low down, on the theory that the solar panels would be higher up, as the wires seemed to indicate.  Those wires showed promise, as did the converter and battery, which she’d already taken wirecutters to.  Her backpack was heavy already.  If they worked, getting the panels back to base was going to be a challenge.

She climbed out carefully, testing the roof’s strength with a questing foot.  It held up to the pressure she hesitantly applied, so she put her weight on it.  It held.  She climbed out.

On inspection, the panels were even better than she might have hoped.  They looked like they might have been new not a few months before the end, and still seemed in good condition.  Surprising, honestly.  Digging in her backpack for her wrench, she got to work releasing them from their holdings.  She’d pulled two back through the attic hole when she heard frantic footfalls on the stairs.  Liam dashed in, some sort of electronic clutched in a clenched fist.  His normally pale face was red, his breathing rapid.

“What does this do, Zuri?  What is it?”

There was a desperate tone to his voice she didn’t like.  She took it, inspected it.

“A radio transmitter, a small one.  And a circuit board, and I presume these wires should be attached to some sort of switch.  A primitive radio, like Marconi might have used, except better.  Where did you find it?”

“Hidden under the carpet of the middle step of the stairs, in a specially made hollow.  There was some sort of setup of tinfoil on top.  It’s a pressure pad, Zuri.  And we set it off.”

Zuri felt the blood drain from her face, too.  Someone knew they were there.  Someone who was probably already on their way.

“Help me with these.  We need to get out of here.”

“Do they work?”

“No idea, I’ve had no time to test, and I won’t get time now.  Move!”

They hauled them down the stairs, the noise luring Halim out of the kitchen, his eyes widening and their frantic movements.  He glanced out the window and said something presumably explicit.  He pointed.

A group of six men was coming down the driveway.  Liam saw baseball bats, sledghammers, and two shotguns.  How the hell was there still ammo left!  All three of them dropped to their stomachs as one of the men turned towards the window.  Listening hard, Halim gestured towards the kitchen door.  The indication was clear, but Liam was reluctant.

It was only when he heard the front door open that he began to move in earnest.  They hauled the panels out, Halim going ahead to check the coast was clear.  Clearly the answer was ‘no’ because they heard a yell a few seconds later.

“Got him!” a man’s voice yelled.  “He was sneaking out the back!”

Zuri’s hammer caught him a sharp blow to the back of the head, shutting him up for the moment.  Liam turned to her and Halim.

“You two, head for the third house.  It’s the closest.  Hide the panels somewhere on the way, somewhere people won’t look.  Everyone got their packs and kit?”  He gestured to his backpack and multitool.  Halim nodded.

“Good.  Go.”

“What about you?  What are you going to do?”

“Halim, you left the balloon on the stove, right?  I thought I saw one in there.”

He mimed a balloon, then fire.  Halim’s eyes brightened and he nodded vigorously, staring daggers at the unconscious man on the ground.  Zuri grabbed his arm and pulled him back towards the panels.  Stacking the two, the pair hurried away as fast as their weight would allow.

Stowing his multitool back in his pocket, Liam drew out his lighter and flicked on the flame.  He grinned.  It was time to have some fun.

Taglist: @eloandrianos​

[gigsoupmusic]

INTERVIEW - MICKO WESTMORELAND ON 'VELVET GOLDMINE' AND LIFE WITH THE MELLOTRONICS

Micko Westmoreland first came to the public's attention as the enigmatic Jack Fairey in the star-studded glam rock fake biopic 'Velvet Goldmine', and since then has done everything from making electronica as The Bowling Green to the sharp edged new wave of his current project Micko & The Mellotronics. With that band on the verge of releasing their second single, a double A-side with the timely 'Noisy Neighbours 'and 'You Killed My Father' (featuring the late Neil Innes), he spoke to Gigsoup to tell all... Starting at the beginning, you got your first break appearing in the film ‘Velvet Goldmine’…  Quite a baptism of fire! Yep, I was fresh out of film school with little acting experience. So I did a ton of research, suspended all activities other than glam rock ones; late mornings, blurry eyeliner, became a kind of ‘Our Lady of the Flowers’, to quote Jean Genet. I did appear on set however with well prepared sleeve notes. Ziggy/Hunky and early Roxy had been teenage territory. Toni Colette really helped me during filming, showing me where and how to move and stand in frame etc. which I really wasn’t aware of and she was such a wonderful person to hang out with. Ewan McGregor was enormous in the 90s but treated you like a complete equal. I’ve acted the fiction of being a sensational rock star, my embalmed alter ego is now moth balled and hermetically sealed for posterity. What do you make of the film’s recent re-appraisal – it was panned at the time but now it’s considered a cult classic A lot of the film heavyweights liked it at the time and have consistently sung its praises over the last 20 years, which has contributed to its legacy, plus Todd Haynes is now seen as a 24-carat auteur. 1998 wasn’t ready for a kaleidoscopic pansexual odyssey. Velvet Goldmine truly tapped into a teenage hormonal feeling, so the audience is responsible for its longevity I think, people have grown old with it and new fans have discovered it. You had quite a lot of success making electronic music as The Bowling Green but then switched tack to making more song-based stuff.  What’s the story there? The music I was making was becoming increasingly filmic, so I moved into movie sound tracks for a while and did two film scores and a few documentaries with my brother; acclaimed director Wash Westmoreland (Still Alice, Colette). One of them, Echo Park L.A., won best drama at Sundance in 2006! I was becoming more attuned to a literary narrative and was listening to Dylan’s Time out of Mind and Beck’s Sea Change at the time – couple that with improvements in technology that weren’t so reliant on sampler and keyboard. I started playing much more guitar again, my first love and now my primary instrument for writing. You made a couple of albums under your own name but then formed Micko & The Mellotronics – your first ‘band’ project.  What was the thinking behind that move? I was very much used to working on my own. I made a couple of solo albums, one which Terry Edwards (P.J. Harvey/Holy Holy) released on his Sartorial label called ‘Wax & Wayne’, and ‘Yours Etc Abc’, on my own Landline records imprint, which I believe was the main unconscious projection into putting a live act together. The person doing PR for it asked, ‘Who’s in the band?’ When I realized I didn’t have one, it made sense to look for folk to start pushing sounds around. How would you sum up the band to someone you hadn’t heard you before?  Can you name us a few bands that have influenced its sound? We get compared to the Buzzcocks quite a lot, I’ll take that. I’ve loved Magazine since teenage, Television too. I also dig Serge Gainsbourg majorly and bands like The Silver Apples. I’m really into Iso Tomita, the 70’s electronic musician and of course Mr. Eno too. People have commented that the double A side, soon to be released, is like early Genesis but I think it’s much closer to The Rutles. Patrick from R.O.C. said there was violence to the sound. I do pride the writing on an intricacy and eccentricity but without getting prog about it. Talk us through the Mellotronics members and their individual flavours... Nick Mackay a friend referred me to. He was playing in a two-piece called ‘Barricades’, and was clearly a very good drummer, real flare as a player/performer and had the magic ingredient for any band – he was a thoroughly decent chap you could spend a ton of time with. Jon Klein is our very own rock star hiding in plain sight. He has a CV better than the rest of us put together: Banshees, Sinead O’Connor to name a few and of course his own band Specimen. I lent Jon my amp when we were on the same bill. I gave him a copy of my previous album and he contacted me the next day, which I considered a big thumbs up. He’s very quick, obscenely talented and has revolutionized day-to-day working practice. In short a turbo charged V12 engine has been carefully placed inside a Hillman imp, with fresh brake pads added. Vicky Carroll the bassist also came through personal referral, Haydn Hades who does stand up. At the time she was playing in a band the ‘Owls of Now’, a very bright lady indeed. She really got what the band was about and had great style. The dynamic of now the band get on and its chemistry is essential to longevity. Having a woman on board was important to us, so we really lucked out by finding such a smart cookie in Vicky. So far, you’ve shared ‘The Finger’, your first single, and now two new tracks, which will (eventually) be released as a 7” single.  Talk us through ‘Noisy Neighbors’ and ’You Killed My Father’. Noisy Neighbours came about from my experience with dealing with serial complainers whilst living in a housing co-op. We shot the video with filmmaker Ashley Jones (www.thechaoesengineers.com) in the next door location the inhabitants of the song were occupying, so we had to be quiet. Of course some complaints are genuine but most were more telling of the complainant than complainee. There are control issues, which come about as a result of trying to micromanage your environment beyond your own four walls. I wanted to make a witty statement about that without being over critical or condemning. Raising a single eyebrow over that type of behavior. ‘You Killed My Father’, the double A side was inspired by Neil Innes R.I.P. (Monty Python, Bonzo Dog, The Rutles). So of course I was thrilled when he agreed to play on it. I was introduced to him through an artist friend Harry Pye. We inadvertly created a supergroup together called the Spammed and meet up once a year to record for the Teenage Cancer Trust. Last session Tony Visconti produced a cover of Bolan’s ‘Get it on’, for us. It comprises, Rat Scabies (The Damned), Horace Panter (The Specials), Neil when he was with us and actor/comedian Kevin Eldon on vocs, I play guitar. The song relates to my childhood, growing up in Leeds and has a Shakespearean quality. I checked the prose with an expert to make sure I hadn’t over egged the pudding. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_5iswf8GG6o You seem to be able to attract some interesting names to collaborate with - Horace Panter of The Specials and the late Neil Innes recently, but also members of The Blockheads, Madness, Stranglers and Goldfrapp in the past.  Who would be top of your collaborative wish list? I’d love to do something with Eno again. We became friendly during the mid nineties. I was tutored by him, whilst working on an art show called ‘Self Storage’ with Laurie Anderson but never made it into the studio. A wild card like Wendy Carlos, famed for the soundtrack of ‘A Clockwork Orange’ would be great too. Likewise, your videos have featured some interesting names from British comedy…  What do they bring to the party?  Anyone else you’d like to get on board if you had free reign? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pDr7nkOQN9Q All the comedy connections came from Kevin Eldon initially, a super bright and truly wonderful guy. He introduced me to Paul Putner at a Specials gig. Paul’s a brilliant bloke and really likes the band. He found the remarkable Suzy Kane for us. All three have taken excellent roles. Suzy had a lot of input in Noisy Neighbours, suggesting wardrobe and even shots to Ashley as we were making it; we really have had tremendous fun with our contributors. Obviously, Chris Morris would be fantastic but I’m a little afraid to knock. We hear the debut M&TM album is close to completion – what have you got in store for us? A psychedelic mish mash of fable, sound collage and idea. With the new single, 3 of the songs are now out there. On a musical front Horace Panter out of The Specials has guested on a couple of tracks for us and of course we have one of Neil Innes’ last performances too. I’ve written a song about Imelda Marcos, she seemed like a person who was way ahead of her time, a modern template for a highly manipulative battle-axe. I have an author friend in his 60s who’s an eminent  psychologist, (Georg Eifert - Anxiety Happens) so I wrote a song called ‘The Fear’, with a lot of his theories in mind. There’s also one too called ‘Sick and Tired’, it’s not about what I’m eed up about, but like Noisy Neighbours it’s a comment about complaint. When writing I try to look at what gets talked about by everyday people and base some of the songs around those themes. Earwig on phone conversations on buses, pick up discarded bits of paper, when you get into the habit you’ll be amazed what you find. So I get on the 38 and set my brain to record. There’s also a fair amount about growing up on the record too, which I hope all can relate to. I think you have to start with a good idea, that’s on any level otherwise you’re unlikely to get far. From my art college days I got into the habit of noting things down, if you don’t it often escapes you. It’s difficult to marry a multitude of ingredients and let’s face it the world is full of plenty, pair it down and make it resonate. Anyone who tells you otherwise is telling porkies. To make something that stands the test of time is more difficult still. But I’m not afraid of the work and I enjoy ‘the doing’, for me that’s what it’s all about. I believe that as individuals we have a natural tendency to evolve, if we choose to see it that way and trust, it’ll ‘self fulfill’. If you’ll allow yourself to tap into that expansion creatively, you’ll always find inspiration. Micko & The Mellotronics release 'Noisy Neighbours / You Killed My Father' on Landline Records on April 17 with the 7" single schedule to hit the shops on June 27. Read the full article