#they just seem irrelevant once you get into the specifics

[void-dragon4]

have to write this stupid fucking essay about my identity and i hate it i dont want to tell you about it im not even real

[akutasoda]

hi hi ml!!! we’ve only recently become moots but i hope you dont mind me joining your event 🫶‼️ if star rail is still open, wb boothill & aventurine !! with general domestic stuff !! specifically cooking or baking with him ;; i wonder how that would go

also thank you again for the opportunity 💕💕

a life with you

synopsis - a domestic lifestyle with them

includes - aventurine, boothill

warnings - gn!reader, domestic stuff, fluff, slight angst at the start, slight crack, teasing, wc - 675

a/n: hii ren! don't mind at all <3

aventurine ★↷

↪a domestic setting to aventurine is something to be treasured with your loved ones. he loved his family and he still does but now after all this time, the person he gets to experience domestic bliss with is you.

↪to him, being with you in that domestic style is one of the only places where he can show his weaknesses. it's just you and him so if you've made it this far with him he trusts you enough to show his most vulnerable side.

↪it would be a change of pace compared to his life as one of the stonehearts but a very welcome change. he'll let himself indulge heavily in the moments of peace with you as he knows that being with you is the closest thing he can get to being safe.

↪due to being a stoneheart, he is prone to being sent across the galaxy quite often and with you in his life he does try and get back to you as quick as possible. alot of the time he gets back late as well so doesn't encourage you to wait up for him but if you do, his heart melts so much.

↪once he gets really comfortable with you, you can start seeing him become more open and honest with his words and actions. he likes to embrace you whenever he can and sometimes catches himself unconsciously searrching for your figure even if you're right next to him.

↪maybe has some cooking or baking skills but would be extremely limited - very open to learn however and whether it's out of genuine interest or just an excuse to be with you is up in the air. very willing to help you anywhere and so cooking or baking is no exception.

↪would be a surprisingly good baker/cook. it takes him a little while to get into it but when he does he becomes very efficient. no accidents would occur when you two cook or bale together and whatever you'd make would turn out very good.

boothill ★↷

↪a galaxy ranger, a bounty hunter, a cowboy. boothill was many things, constantly moving around to chase his next target - he didn't live for himself afterall. he never settled in one area for too long and so domestic activities were irrelevant in his life.

↪he probably had a higher probability of experiencing domestic activities when he was human but definitely not as a cyborg. he just doesn't have time for such trivial things that wouldn't give him the homeliness that it would to anyone else. or so he thought.

↪you made alot of things that seemed pointless to his cold metal body worthwhile. he may not be able to feel the same feelings he used to but atleast with you he could fully convince himself that he could. so that domestic feeling becomes real to him.

↪ it's never really a dull day when boothill's around, although if you asked him he'd tone down his slight hyperactive mind. he isn't that energetic at home but he can get very loud and annoying sometimes especially when you knwo he's trying to tease you

↪he's very touchy both in and out of a private setting, sometimes tones it down if you aren't really a pda type. while he may not be able to feel you under his cold fingertips he can instead feel a comfort in knowing nobody would dare mess with you when you have him practically slumped on top of you. also is a massive bed hogger - you have to fight him for even a slither of the bed.

↪cooking probably isn't one of boothill's strong suits. whether or not he actually need to consume food is unknown - he probably doesn't but because he does have a human face he probably can still taste. however he'd gladly entertain you if you wanted cook or bake with him.

↪ absolutely no help whatsoever. most likely does not know how to cook or bake but would insist he does just to nearly set things on fire. if you really wanted him to help you probably have to distract him by telling him to hand you ingredients or stir things but then he'd insist to help - do you think he could pull up recipes in his mind?

akutasoda's 1k event

[dee-morris]

Aziraphale's Decision

The Resurrectionists is a great minisode that shows us a significant little piece of Aziraphale's character arc, his realization that things on earth are never as black and white as they seem in heaven. But I just want to take another look at this heartbreaking moment here.

This was the turning point here, when he realized the practical need for dead bodies and how they're used. You can almost watch the switches flickering back and forth in his mind as he readjusts his world view.

After staring at this gif for a long time (and only crying a little), I've decided that it's not just a turning point in that specific narrative. It's also foreshadowing.

Check it out.

I don't have a gif unfortunately, but I know you see it too. This is his face after Metatron says, "We call it the second coming."

Once again, click-click-click go the switches. Initially (imo) he was going along with the Metatron to appease him and protect Crowley. This is the moment where his perspective shifts from "Protect Crowley" to "Protect EVERYTHING" and from that point on his path is clear.

He might have thought, just for a moment, that maybe Crowley was right and they really could just be themselves with each other and screw everyone else. But not with the second coming on the horizon. My dude collects books of prophecy, he knows EVERYTHING that's been foretold, and he knows that there will be no Alpha Centauri, no "us," no safety or freedom anywhere in the universe once shit gets real.

Whether or not he made "the right decision" at the end of season two is irrelevant. He made the only decision possible. Running away was never an option; it's not who Aziraphale is.

[chuulyssa]

stalker!dazai x reader, dark content, obsessive love, mentions of a casual relationship, breaking and entering, creepy ass behaviour by dazai

You never knew that one night could change your life forever - that the man whom you considered as merely a casual fling would suddenly show up everywhere you went, trying to find every reason to be around you and talk to you.

In your eyes, it had just been a few kisses here and there to make your ex jealous. You had never seriously considered a relationship with this man. Yet here he was, inside your locked house as you slept soundly, completely oblivious to the stranger admiring your beauty.

Osamu Dazai was the owner of a bar you went to once with your friends. Or at least, that's what he had told you. He had seemed pretty nice when you had told him what you wanted. So there was no way he would end up stalking you after you told him specifically that he was just a fling, right?

Right?

But little did you know, the soft caresses you felt were imaginary were very much real. The gentle kiss that gave you shivers in your sleep was real. The unknown presence you thought surrounded you was real. And this would happen every night. Every night right after you fell asleep.

Dazai was in your bedroom. He was sitting on your bed currently, one hand on your waist and the other tangled in your hair. He was staring down at you with a fond look on his face, kissing your nose and forehead as you shifted around in your slumber.

But he never made a sound. He simply watched. Seldom, a phone call or two from a few irrelevant people at the Port Mafia would interrupt the moment. Still, his calm grip would only tighten on your waist, lips humming a comforting tune to lull you back to sleep gently. He would attempt to rub your chest and pat it to get you even drowsier. And it would work each time too.

Why didn't you seem to realize that you lived alone?

[dailyadventureprompts]

Homebrew Mechanic: Meaningful Research

Being careful about when you deliver information to your party is one of the most difficult challenges a dungeonmaster may face, a balancing act that we constantly have to tweak as it affects the pacing of our campaigns.

That said, unlike a novel or movie or videogame where the writers can carefully mete out exposition at just the right time, we dungeonmasters have to deal with the fact that at any time (though usually not without prompting) our players are going to want answers about what's ACTUALLY going on, and they're going to take steps to find out.

To that end I'm going to offer up a few solutions to a problem I've seen pop up time and time again, where the heroes have gone to all the trouble to get themselves into a great repository of knowledge and end up rolling what seems like endless knowledge checks to find out what they probably already know. This has been largely inspired by my own experience but may have been influenced by watching what felt like several episodes worth of the critical role gang hitting the books and getting nothing in return.

I've got a whole write up on loredumps, and the best way to dripfeed information to the party, but this post is specifically for the point where a party has gained access to a supposed repository of lore and are then left twiddling their thumbs while the dm decides how much of the metaplot they're going to parcel out.

When the party gets to the library you need to ask yourself: Is the information there to be found?

No, I don't want them to know yet: Welcome them into the library and then save everyone some time by saying that after a few days of searching it’s become obvious the answers they seek aren’t here. Most vitally, you then either need to give them a new lead on where the information might be found, or present the development of another plot thread (new or old) so they can jump on something else without losing momentum.

No, I want them to have to work for it:  your players have suddenly given you a free “insert plothook here” opportunity. Send them in whichever direction you like, so long as they have to overcome great challenge to get there. This is technically just kicking the can down the road, but you can use that time to have important plot/character beats happen.

Yes, but I don’t want to give away the whole picture just yet:  The great thing about libraries is that they’re full of books, which are written by people,  who are famously bad at keeping their facts straight. Today we live in a world of objective or at least peer reviewed information but the facts in any texts your party are going to stumble across are going to be distorted by bias. This gives you the chance to give them the awnsers they want mixed in with a bunch of red herrings and misdirections. ( See the section below for ideas)

Yes, they just need to dig for it:  This is the option to pick if you're willing to give your party information upfront while at the same time making it SEEM like they're overcoming the odds . Consider having an encounter, or using my minigame system to represent their efforts at looking for needles in the lithographic haystack. Failure at this system results in one of the previous two options ( mixed information, or the need to go elsewhere), where as success gets them the info dump they so clearly crave.

The Art of obscuring knowledge AKA Plato’s allegory of the cave, but in reverse

One of the handiest tools in learning to deliver the right information at the right time is a sort of “slow release exposition” where you wrap a fragment lore the party vitally needs to know in a coating of irrelevant information,  which forces them to conjecture on possibilities and draw their own conclusions.  Once they have two or more pieces on the same subject they can begin to compare and contrast, forming an understanding that is merely the shadow of the truth but strong enough to operate off of. 

As someone who majored in history let me share some of my favourite ways I’ve had to dig for information, in the hopes that you’ll be able to use it to function your players.

A highly personal record in the relevant information is interpreted through a personal lens to the point where they can only see the information in question 

Important information cameos in the background of an unrelated historical account

The information can only be inferred from dry as hell accounts or census information. Cross reference with accounts of major historical events to get a better picture, but everything we need to know has been flattened into datapoints useful to the bureaucracy and needs to be re-extrapolated.

The original work was lost, and we only have this work alluding to it. Bonus points if the existent work is notably parodying the original, or is an attempt to discredit it.

Part of a larger chain of correspondence, referring to something the writers both experienced first hand and so had no reason to describe in detail. 

The storage medium (scroll, tablet, arcane data crystal) is damaged in some way, leading to only bits of information being known. 

Original witnesses Didn’t have the words to describe the thing or events in question and so used references from their own environment and culture. Alternatively, they had specific words but those have been bastardized by rough translations. 

Tremendously based towards a historical figure/ideology/religion to the point that all facts in the piece are questionable.  Bonus points if its part of a treatise on an observably untrue fact IE the flatness of earth

[nightcolorz]

Concept: The Tallamasca tries to recruit Daniel back in the 80's, Armand lets it happen because he wants to see what his boy would do

Daniel then proceeds to yell at several Tallamasca agents that they clearly don't know shit about vampires and they just nod and take out notebooks because yes, that's why we want you Mr Molloy, you have more practical experience than any of us

Daniel laughs when they start to ask questions about Armand specifically and he decides to have fun by telling them completely true but completely irrelevant shit about Armand (and maybe some about Louis too, they look surprised that he has met Louis and survived)

The Vampire Armand has great calligraphy, beautiful but still legible

The Vampire Armand drolls on his sleep

The Vampire Armand is a big fan of nail polish

The Vampire Armand's favourite art movement is Dadaism

The Vampire Armand prefers motorbikes to cars

The Vampire Louis loves photography

The Vampire Louis hates it when people dog ear a page on a book to mark where they were at

Daniel intended all this little nonsense fun facts would annoy the agents but to his dismay they keep taking notes and acting as if they are getting some big revelations to update their files with, he gets frustrated and leaves

Armand finds this all very amusing, once again his beloved boy has surpassed his expectations and surprised him, he should reward him with some blood and a nice outing, perhaps a new golden watch for his collection too

Meanwhile the Tallamasca agents are marking Daniel down as a person of interest and plan to follow his whereabouts for the rest of his life, they thought Daniel was some pet/slave for the Vampire Armand who they thought to be around 200 years old and were offering their protecting in exchange of information, their chat with Daniel has revealed that Armand is actually

closer to 500

A lot more powerful than they thought

Capable of blending in with humans to a concerning point

More interested and aware of human affairs than other immortals (again very concerning)

Marius de Romanus creation (they are very excited about this new piece of information)

Allows Daniel an insane amount of freedom but also feels comfortable enough around him to allow himself vulnerabilities such as falling asleep around the human (they update Daniel's file and mark him as a human paramour and possible future vampire, they make a point not to tell this to Daniel)

They also learn that yes, vampires have human-like relationships with each other, this seems obvious to Daniel but it's a very contested fact in the organisation, with defenders and detractors all giving big speeches and presentations defending their opinion on the matter pretty regularly

It was NOT Daniel's intention to reveal any of this, the majority he thought they knew

Daniel: Louis Du Lac is a snob, put a trashy magazine in front of him and he'll literally turn up his nose

The agent, writing it all down: You know more than one vampire? And have talked to them as if they were people and not creatures of the night? And you know them intimately enough to know their opinions on things such as this?

Daniel: wait no, that was supposed to be a useless piece of information

The agent, vibrating with excitement: what else do you know

Daniel, feeling lost and needing a cigarette: Armand likes Blade Runner

The agent: fascinating

Daniel: no, you are supposed to think this is irrelevant

Agent: tell me more about The Vampire Armand's opinions on pop culture

OMGG LOL this is so funny im dying. the concept of Daniel trying to be intentionally unhelpful out of spite and actually being incredibly helpful in the process is soooo peak comedy and in character i love it.

I think any talamasca member would fight tooth and nail to get their hands on extremely mundane vampire fun facts. Their jobs r canonically the useless collecting and maintaining of information on supernatural creatures that they will use for nothing and just like to have for the wow factor and so I feel like they wouldn’t care about the difference between valuable facts and invaluable facts. Armand is capable of exploding ppls internal organs from the inside and Armand has a hyper fixation on mobile apps r both equally valuable bits of lore considering what they plan to do with it (create a profile of his character and store it in a vampire library). So Daniel saying smth like “Louis is insecure about being a bad artist” or “Armand cries during sex” would be like a goldmine for them 💀

[slocumjoe]

I've said before that the synth thing would work better with a McCarthyism allegory, but for Danse specifically, its so similar to autism that it has to be intentional??

Like. The thing that really solidified that Danse in particular is just straight up about autism is Piper's line in Blind Betrayal. Paraphrased, it goes something like, "I mean...yeah, of course he's a synth. It was kind of obvious, wasn't it? I mean, have you heard him talk?"

The autism accent is a concept that seems to be popping up more recently, but its a real thing, and in my own experience, everyone in my life has been able to clock that there was something different about me from my speech. People thought it was weird that I used "adult" words as a kid, and was very technical and exact when speaking. I was often mistaken as being from places like Brooklyn because I had a weird affectation to my voice.

And there's just. This fucking line. "Have you heard him talk?". Piper is also the person who clicked McDonough as a synth. It's worth noting that McDonough and Danse both use words like "rabble".

But seriously.

Danse goes through his life being respected for his work ethic, intelligence, and strong sense of duty and morals, but he never really bonds with anyone, he doesn't make friends. He's respected, not liked. People want to work with him, but the best they have to say about him is about his work. He makes one single friend in his entire life, and never tries again after that guy dies. And no one tries to befriend him. He's their brother. He's not their friend. And he takes his job too seriously as a commanding officer to attempt emotional connection. He apologizes for overstepping on the few occasions he does.

He talks like a thesaurus, and no one is sure if its to sound smarter, or if that's just genuinely how he thinks. It's strongly implied to be the latter. He's incredibly knowledgeable and passionate about various topics. He sounds like a kid on Christmas when you risk life and limb cracking open a vault that's supposed to have riches, but instead, just has some historical items. He throws his Brotherhood prejudice away the moment he finds a farm run by ghouls that uses pre-war structures in a creative way, and scolds you if you do the Brotherhood thing and insult them. He also seemingly forgets that he's in the Brotherhood when meeting a child ghoul, that kid's parents, a shy, insecure ghoul who clings to children's media (despite Danse finding children's entertainment stupid and a waste of time), and Daisy.

And then there's the synth thing.

Danse has always been Danse, but one little word gets attached to him and his life turns upside down. His work ethic is no longer a work ethic, it's viewed as a perversion. His intelligence and manner of speech are no longer of his own merit and education he had to have given himself, they become inevitable, things he had no say in. His existence is both erased and explained by one word, and anything else is irrelevant or in question. People who once respected him want nothing to do with him, because this one word puts him in a context they find unnatural, corrupted, inhuman. There's even something there with the Institute. Autism is (incorrectly) associated with vaccines, the government, science gone wrong. It's a man-made horror.

And then you have the people he gets lumped in with, after being thrown out for this one word. They take schadenfreude in it. This is comeuppance, this is deserved. This one word, something they take pride in or have sympathy for and want to protect, suddenly becomes weaponized. It's a source of pride for others, but for this one person, we're going to use it as punishment. You weren't with us from the start, so now you really are on your own. It's not that there isn't a right way to be this one word, it's just that there's a wrong way, and even if you change accordingly, you will never belong with the rest of us.

Its. Autism is about exclusion, from everyone and everything. Always being an outsider, often too polite or nervous or jaded to even bother looking in. And at every point in Danse's life he didn't belong. He was a rogue synth, so he didn't belong in the Institute. He naturally thrives as a soldier, so he didn't belong as a junk seller in Rivet City. He was a synth and considerably more kind and compassionate than the rest of the BOS, so he didn't belong there. And because he was a BOS soldier and is still working out some bad traits after his exile, he isn't welcomed by the people who he was thrown to. Everywhere he goes, there's a big neon sign over his head that changes to whatever word will ward off everyone around him and he's so used to it, the thing that makes him angriest about being a synth is that he doesn't even have parents. He doesn't even have that connection to the world, of being born into it. There is nothing he can connect himself to beyond the Institute (which he hates) and the Brotherhood (which, if he continues to connect himself to, will drive him to suicide out of sense of duty, and he already agreed to not do that)

Its just. His entire story is one of absolute isolation and the final dickpunch of "You've always hated yourself, right? Good news, here's a reason to kill yourself that's professional and won't illicit pity from your peers, so no one will judge you for doing it or grieve you."

[leonslutkennedeeznuts]

The Wedding Date | Leon x Fem!Reader

"From the first meeting to rehearsal dinner everyone had fallen in love with him. Including you." | One-shot inspired by The Wedding Date (2005): Leon's an escort. You hire him and fall in love. (AO3)

It was an expensive, totally stupid impulsive thing to do- book a male escort as your wedding date to stick it to your ex (and nagging mother) that you weren’t a lonely, miserable spinster. You weren’t ugly or anything, just lazy with a specific plan- to rub it in your ex fiance’s face that you were 100% over him and moving on by “dating” someone way more attractive and totally smitten with you.

His name was Scott, or so he said as per his website details. He was 6 '0, clearly worked out, had dirty blonde hair in a boyband haircut and per his many reviews was a skilled lover- but that part was totally irrelevant to you. It had taken a few days to finally bite the bullet. Your career was stable, you had the money- it just made sense to go this route versus swiping on Tinder. You’d never done this before but were admittedly desperate. You needed a professional, someone that nobody in your friend group knew who could lie his way in and out of any conversations and questions they’d be sure to ask him.

He just had to look good, pretend to be in love with you, get paid and then fuck off never to be seen again when the wedding was over.

—

You’d met up with him at a bougie brunch spot on a Sunday afternoon, having chugged one mimosa with a shot of vodka before he even showed up to ease your nerves.

“This is the weirdest outcall I’ve ever been to,” he’d joked after introducing himself to you, his hands so soft and his cologne making you wet. “Nice to meet you, Y/N.”

Scott was funny, naturally charismatic and beautiful to look at. He clearly took care of himself and didn’t seem phased by your plan at all once revealed to him.

“Alright, we need to go over the questions they’ll ask you, about us, your life, yadda yadda,” you’d instructed him. You tried your best to be assertive and not give into the butterflies flying wildly inside your stomach. “This has to be very convincing.”

You had tried to rehearse his answers with him but Scott refused while gazing at you intently. You’d definitely need new panties after this but he didn’t need to know that.

Scott had said he’d prefer to see how everything worked out before accepting payment. This plot of yours amused him greatly, he had said as much several times. Nobody had ever hired him to be arm candy until you. He planned to enjoy every second of this.

“They’ll know I’m lying, sweetheart. It’s better to just wing it. Trust me, Y/N, I won’t let you down.”

And Scott didn’t let you down. He’d passed the “test” with flying colors. From the first meeting to rehearsal dinner everyone had fallen in love with him. Including you.

—

It was late one night after having to help with decorating the church and you just wanted to relax. One bottle of wine later and you were getting a little bold and very nosy about Scott’s personal life as he gave you an exquisite foot rub.

“I didn’t make it into the police academy. I was 21 years old in a new city with nowhere to go so I started stripping. Then stripping became this.”

You gave him a reassuring smile, your hand patting his shoulder while the other held a glass of sweet burgundy wine. Scott had chosen whiskey for himself. Wine gave him bad hangovers, he’d admitted. 

“I thought about being a stripper once,” you revealed. “I almost auditioned actually but my dancing is terrible without heels so with them on I’m sure I’d break my ankles.”

Scott laughed, as if he’d imagined you in a pair of clear heels attempting to dance around a pole and failing miserably. Making him laugh made you feel warm all over.

Conversations with him came naturally, he felt like an old friend. It was none of your business, truly but he’d answered you unashamedly. A part of you wished you’d met him under different circumstances for a chance at something real.

“Why aren’t you married yet, Y/N?” 

You definitely weren’t expecting him to ask that. Your previous relationship was still a sore subject- he’d been your highschool sweetheart and first love. With a job promotion and more money, your ex had wanted to date around and see what else was out there a few months after proposing.

“One day he just decided that he didn’t want me anymore,” came your solemn answer.

You took a big gulp of wine to keep from crying. This was the guy that you thought you’d be planning your wedding with at this age. Instead you hired a male escort that you developed feelings for. C’est la vie!

“What a fucking idiot, seriously. You’re beautiful, Y/N, inside and out. A total catch,” Scott asserted. “Dude is a loser for letting you go.”

That remark made you smile, bringing a feeling of peace that washed over you from within at his words. You really enjoyed being around Scott. He was damn good at what he did: making women feel desired. Even though this was his job, it just felt natural to lean in and kiss him so you did. To your surprise Scott kissed you back quite fiercely, the taste of whiskey on his tongue almost like a poison bringing you deeper under his spell.

“Let me take care of you tonight,” he’d offered.

Scott was indeed a skilled lover. 

He lifted you up effortlessly, laying you on the bed before teasing with kisses up and down your body. You were so wet it hurt and ached. Your clothes quickly became a crumpled up heap on the floor while he stayed fully clothed sans a shirt.

“Such a pretty pussy, baby.”

He never stopped touching or tasting you that night, making sure that you came hard on his face and with his fingers, refusing to let you return the favor. You rode his tongue to completion, let him flip you onto your back and bucked into his mouth almost crying at how good he made you feel.

“You taste so good, Y/N.”

Your ex had been selfish in bed, all about receiving and barely giving. You thought you’d had an orgasm before but now you knew better. Scott made you cum almost violently, begging, writhing and almost screaming every time he sucked your clit or filled you up with two or three fingers.

“Can eat you out all fucking night.”

You had to push his head away before he finally stopped, looking so pleased with his work as you watched him through heavily lidded eyes. He kissed you one last time, the taste of yourself on his tongue giving a sense of pride. This gorgeous man had dined on you like he’d never get enough, licking and eating your cum like it was a delicacy. You wanted to taste him too, to look into his eyes as he slid into you and fucked you so deep and hard that your headboard banged against the wall.

But instead, he cuddled you until sleep finally took over. 

—

Scott wasn’t there when you awoke the next morning.

You awoke in a panic, your head pounding as the events of last night started to replay in your head. Wine. Scott. Orgasms. Your thighs were sore.

“Shit,” you exclaimed. The wedding. Your wedding date. Scott. Was he going to show up now? Would it be too awkward? Was it all just a wine induced episode of lucid dreaming?

You hurriedly got out of bed and took a shower. The envelope with his payment was still in your dresser. Did he even know it was there? You tried to focus on everything but Scott on your drive to the venue, going through the motions of getting dressed and sitting still for makeup.

When it was time to walk down the aisle with your ex-fiance as part of the wedding processional, your eyes glanced around nervously looking for any signs of a GQ model with dirty blond hair sitting in the pews as you tried not to fumble with your bouquet too much.

This was the church you had always wanted to be married in. You had thought that your ex fiance was the one but now you knew otherwise. Walking down the aisle with him, even in this context, made you feel uneasy like you were cheating. You almost didn't see Scott giving you a thumbs up and blowing you a kiss when you finally stood with the other bridesmaids. It was embarrassing how your mood instantly lifted.

Everything was going to be okay. You'd convinced everyone that this was so real, you'd even convinced yourself. Once the wedding was over Scott would go back to his life and so would you. It was a painful thought.

It wasn’t until the wedding reception that you spotted him again. He was standing off to himself while most of the single ladies and a few men crowded the dance floor for the bouquet toss. His tuxedo fit perfectly and now that you knew how he looked shirtless, a part of you wanted to rip it right off.

You caught the bouquet purely by accident, not even paying attention until a blur of pink roses came into your peripheral. Scott’s eyes never left yours as he walked towards you, cool as a cucumber like on the day you met.

He leaned in to kiss you so intensely that your knees buckled. You heard your mom cheering the loudest. Your ex stormed off in a huff, clearly regretting his choice to let you go- convinced that this man kissing you was your new forever and not a paid actor. Scott had done his job perfectly, too perfectly. You tried not to look so crestfallen when the kiss ended.

—

The walk back to your car seemed to take forever, so much you wanted to say, so much was going unsaid but didn’t want to come across as that one creepy client who took things too far.

“Definitely a 5 star experience,” you stated honestly yet awkwardly avoiding his gaze, wanting to make light of it all. “I really can’t thank you enough Sco-”

“Leon,” he cut you off. “My real name is Leon.”

The tension in the air was thick. Was his name really Leon or was this another part of the act? Your mother was now convinced that Scott, well, Leon would propose someday. How were you going to explain that everything was all a lie?

Should you address the kiss, the amazing oral sex and show vulnerability? Or hand over the cash and move on? You just wanted a nice clean break, no more emotions to overly complicate things. He did his job, nothing more nothing less. It would hurt more to be rejected than to wonder what if.

“I can’t thank you enough, Leon.” You looked a little too long at his lips, wanting and wishing you had the courage to just lean in and close the gap between you two again and again.

Instead, you handed him the bouquet of flowers so you could reach into your clutch for his payment.

“You can count it now if you’d like. It’s all there, I promise.”

Leon tensed. His face which usually sported a knowing smirk or stoic expression now looked confused, almost disgusted. He didn’t reach out to take the envelope.

“Leon, you did exactly what I asked you for. Of course I’m paying you plus tip,” you said trying to sound calm yet internally freaking out. “Thank you for this.”

Thank you for eating me out so well that no other man will ever compare, you thought.

You were ready to drive home and cry into your pillows about what a mess you’d made- falling in love with your hired boyfriend who probably always had clients obsessed with him and unable to distinguish reality from fantasy.

“I don’t want your money, Y/N. I want you.” Leon took your envelope with his free hand and placed it back into your clutch. “God, that was cornier than it sounded in my head.”

Your mouth opened but nothing came out.

Confusion painted your face. Realization hit you afterwards but before you could think of what to say in response, his lips were on yours. The bouquet was forgotten on the ground as you let Leon take you into his arms, your heart threatening to beat out of your chest.

“Y/N, this has been real for me no matter how hard I tried to fight it. I love you.”

You felt like you were floating, the world beyond Leon in this moment failing to exist. 

"I love you, too. So much," you proclaimed proudly.

Leon slowly pulled away from you, his eyes taking you in. “I don’t do this, I don’t date or get too close but you, you’ve awakened something inside of me that I can’t live without.”

His hands gripped your ass and you felt the promise of more, thick hard and straining against his slacks. “And you have the sweetest pussy I’ve ever tasted,” he quipped.

With a laugh you gave his bulge a light squeeze, ready to finally consummate your relationship with the gorgeous man standing before you.

---

With each deep, slow, tortutous thrust you were crying out his name, his real name, over and over. Pathetically begging and pleading for Leon to fuck you harder. You'd never felt like this before, your body on fire with lust and greedy for more, more, more.

"Look at you, taking me so well like this," he whispered into your ear as you tightened and throbbed around his length. "Love you so much, so fucking much."

You were sucking him in to the hilt, nails digging into his back and biceps as you took every inch coating it in your slick.

"Fuck, Leon, love you too," you grunted out almost painfully. "Gonna cum, oh!"

Leon loosened the grip on your throat, kissing you lazily as you cried out his name cumming hard around him while he never stopped pounding into your tight, hungry cunt.

"There you go, baby, cum all over me." He ground his pelvis into you wanting to feel all your cum gushing out against him. "Wanna cum inside you, fuck!"

It was almost a whisper but you'd heard it and God, you wanted him to. Wanted him to fill you up so deeply that you'd feel it slipping out throughout the day.

"Yes, please cum inside, need it, Leon."

He looked into your glazed over eyes smirking at your blissful face knowing only he could make you feel this good, only he had taken the time to learn your body and make you cum with your whole body shaking and jerking against his.

With a few more hard, short thrusts Leon's hot cum started to fill you up. You instinctly wrapped your legs around his waist pushing him in even deeper, his balls throbbing against you as he emptied himself into your eager pussy.

"Mmm, are you ready for round three," he inquired against your sweated out hair.

He took you from behind, from the side, with you on top and even picked you up and fucked you hard and fast in his arms as you cried out your release.

The man's stamina was unmatched. You were a sweaty tangled mess of limbs not knowing where his body began and your body ended when he was finally done with you.

---

You quickly settled into domestic life quite easily. Leon moved in with you while mulling over his career options now that being a boyfriend for hire was over.

Leon had made you dinner to celebrate your recent promotion, your favorite meal of filet mignon and lobster tail. He'd mentioned in passing that he was letting the website domain expire soon to pursue his other dream: being a scuba diving instructor.

"Scott's Scuba School sounds good, right?"

You nodded, considering how often he went down on you without needing to come up for air. Yeah, he'd be an amazing scuba diver. Although using his previous alias gave you some pause. What if one of his past lovers recognized him and wanted more? Silly little insecure thoughts like that were becoming less usual as time went on.

If you'd thought Leon was an amazing hired boyfriend, he was even better without the promise of money. He refused to let you pay for anything or want for nothing. From having roses delivered to your office to cooking you dinner, planning out romantic date nights to making love to you until you begged him to stop. He was perfect and he was all yours.

"Best wedding date ever," Leon read aloud to himself, seeing the new notification popping up on his previous work phone. "So good you'll think he's really in love with you."

He shot you a knowing glance before giving you a slow lingering kiss. With the simple tap, his website and review page were deleted and his new, real life with you could truly begin.

[blossomthepinkbunny]

My full Stolitz rant

Like many other people I really dislike Stolitz as a ship and the newest episode proved that further. I decided to just make a full rant about everything that comes to mind, instead of making multiple posts, focused on different general aspects/themes of HB or HH like I usually do. So this will not cover the issues I have with the writing of other characters like Stella or Octavia (I briefly talked about Stella and the aspect of woobyfying Stolas in my Adam post already). This also won't cover general problems with writing relationships in HB/HH or anything that breaches out of their relationship for that matter. It will probably also be focused mostly on Stolas because Blitzø isn't in the wrong in their relationship really.

One of my problems is that I've seen some people try to defend Stolas' actions by referring to Blitzø as a sex worker to which I just have to say:

1. He isn't a sex worker, he's an assasin. He only has a transactional relationship with Stolas, for which he didn't have a choice, otherwise he would lose his job and the opportunity to provide for his workers and daughter. It's not like we see him generally have sexual relations for payment with other people, only Stolas which makes sense, because he isn't a sex worker and doesn't want to be.

2. Even if he was a sex worker/qualifies as one in the specific relationship he has with Stolas, that doesn't mean that he owes Stolas anything other than sex. It's not Blitzø's fault for not wanting to have anything to do with Stolas and he doesn't owe him kindness, understanding or love after what Stolas put him through, just like real sex workers don't owe a romantic relationship to any of their costumers.

It was genuinely kinda refreshing to see Stolas finally acknowledge what their relationship isn't good and that Blitzø needs to be away from him. And seeing him give the Asmodean crystal to Blitzø was a nice gesture. But this is immediately made irrelevant by the confusion of what Stolas' character is even supposed to be here. He goes towards being somewhat likeable by understanding that what he did was wrong and having that finally be recognized and called out in the show. Called out by Blitzø, who has many good reasons to dislike him and give Stolas that reality check. But then the show wants us to pity Stolas again by making him say that god awful cringy line and making me immediately roll my eyes again. Because them acknowledging the bad actions of the character (something the show wants to pride itself on so badly) was something I wanted to see ever since HB started to victimize that stupid owl. I was ready to see this character less negatively when the reality of his actions finally hit him, with the genuine breakdown Blitzø has because of him. But he gets woobyfied immediately so now he seems like a manipulative hypocrite once again, because the conversation they have might as well go like this:

Stolas: I want you to be free because I realized that the relationship I set up wasn't right and I don't want you to feel forced to love me. I care for you and I want to love you, but at the same time, I don't want you to have an obligation to be kind to me or have a relationship with me.

Blitzø: Is this a joke?

Stolas: No, I am giving you freedom, so you can stop feeling forced to do whatever I say.

Blitzø: So you're acknowledging that you suck and that you weren't nice to me and you're giving me the freedom to choose how I will proceed with our relationship.

Stolas: Yes, I am.

Blitzø: Well I do think you suck because of the reasons you mentioned and I'm gonna give you my perspective of the things you said and explain just how badly you hurt me, especially when you're just sending me away like this, giving the impression that you're throwing me aside, after you got everything you wanted from me.

Stolas: How can you think of me like this?! I love you so much and you just think I suck?!

What reason did Stolas ever give Blitzø to like him? Apart from the coercion even, there is no common ground they have. They never hang out just casually or talk like normal people, who would realistically be able to form a relationship. The only date they had (from what we can assume from the context clues in the show) that wasn't just a meeting for sex was in Ozzies and that went south really quickly. It honestly reminds me of Twilight, where Bella and Edward are said to be a great couple (by the movies atleast, haven't read the books) when they have never had a normal conversation or an interaction that could give them chemistry. All of the interactions Stolas and Blitzø had so far were either scenes talking about/having/having just had sex or them talking/singing about how tragic their lovestory is. The only exception to that are the scenes were they are children and that's obvious because it would be weird to have literal children talk about sex or about the tragedy of their relationship, when they've only known eachother for a day or so. But even these scenes don't make them seem greatly compatible or even interesting because they only hung out for hardly a day and then didn't interact for like 30-40 years until they meet again (for the first time since they were children) and Stolas just immediately assumes Blitzø wants to fuck him.

And what also weirded me out is when Stolas said something along the lines of: "why do you always make this about sex?". As if Stolas ever gave Blitzø a sign that he wants to have anything but sex from him. Again, Ozzies is the only example for that and after that, their relationship was not that important until now. But even then, Stolas made sexual remarks towards him in "Seeing Stars" and talked about how good he is at sex in "Western Energy". And this sexual relationship they have is something Stolas set up, when he could've also just given Blitzø the book without forcing him to have sex and get closer by genuinely being kind to him. We don't even really know what he likes about Blitzø except for how he is in bed, so why am I supposed to care about their relationship and be sad about it not working out. Because they never give us the impression that either Blitzø's or Stolas' life would be better with the other in it (this is excluding sexual context becasue Stolas made it clear that he doesn't just want a sexual relationship in this episode). The only thing they have in common is that they both have daughters they struggle with but even there is a huge difference. Blitzø desperately wants a good relationship with Loona and constantly gives her affection and compliments, to which she responds with annoyance and abuse. Stolas has a daughter so understanding and just really neglected by him, on one hand because he always prioritized Blitzø over her (something he'd probably judge Stolas for, because spending time with a daughter who actually likes him and wants to spend time with him would probably be one of his dreams).

And nothing of this is even mentioning the sexual harassment Stolas puts Blitzø through. It starts with the pilot and the first episode, where their deal starts, at a point in the story where Stolas' whole character joke was just talking about wanting to fuck Blitzø. In the first episode their deal is established, a deal Blitzø hastily agrees to, because he is literally being hunted down, something Stolas is fully aware of. In the second epsiode Stolas makes sexual remarks towards Blitzø in front of his daughter and in the rest of the episodes he is in general very touchy and diminishing, something Blitzø is never shown to be a fan of. Stolas also very blatantly either fetishes Imps or is downright abusive towards them, showing that he doesn't see them as equal and that Blitzø's assumption about Stolas thinking he's less important is probably true (which is just a great setup for a relationship I'm sure).

In the end Stolitz is a confused, manipulative, victim blaming mess of a ship which could be used to great potential, if there was ever a point were they use this dynamic to genuinely portray a toxic relationship that shouldn't happen, instead of acting like they're meant to be together despite the toxicity and as if Stolas deserves my pity when Blitzø rightfully tells him to fuck off. Sometimes people just aren't meant to be a couple because they genuinely are too different or have other issues. But they can't have the story be about Blitzø breaking away from Stolas, because then the show couldn't mainly be carried by shipping and selling cutesy merch of a couple which actually sucks.

I do not care for the stupid owl and I probably never will. I do not think Vivzepop has the writing ability to turn this whole thing around and make Stolas end up as a well-written, flawed but still sympathetic character. The more they go into victimizing him by showing all the characters that call him out as abusive, inconsiderate or heartless (Stella, Octavia, Blitzø), the more I will dislike him and miss what the show once started as.

[super-who-locked-me-in-here]

So I saw these gifs from Dolce, and it made me realize that Hannibal was still wearing his wedding ring from his "marriage" with Bedelia while he's killing Will and I had a flurry of thoughts about the implications of their rings in season 3.

Hannibal could've taken it off right after he and Bedelia said their goodbyes, but that would've ruined the façade when he went out. And he didn't really have a way of knowing Will was going to meet him in the art gallery. He could've assumed that after his altercation with Jack, Will would not be far behind, but he didn't know when specifically it would be, so the idea of him taking it off before Will gets to the art gallery isn't really plausible.

But he had that heartfelt (in their own way) conversation with Will in the gallery, picked him up out of the street after he was shot, tended to his wounds, drugged him, probably bathed him or at the very least redressed him, made him soup, and fed him with the intention of it being Will's last meal, where Hannibal would finally express the true extent of his love for him by killing and cannibalizing him, and he wore his wedding ring that ties him to Bedelia through all of it.

How fucked up is that, that even in that moment where (once more through violence) Hannibal is finally allowing Will (as drugged as he is) to see all of his cards, he still can't be bothered to entirely remove his person suit even when they're the only two people in the room?

Do you think that's part of why Will is so bitchy to Bedelia? Because he's not completely unaware while Hannibal is doing all of this to him, and with that shred of awareness, maybe he remembered that detail just like he remembered things after his encephalitis was treated. And he's jealous. He's angry, at himself for ruining what could've been if he hadn't lied all those years ago, and at Bedelia, for stealing the position next to Hannibal, the love and time and companionship she got to share with Hannibal that should've belonged to Will. He's angry that even in that moment where he was barely lucid, it was his, it was theirs, and other people (Bedelia, Jack, Mason, Alana) still couldn't keep their mark off that moment.

Do you think that's part of why Will is wearing his wedding ring at the cliffside? Will's intentions are all jumbled at this point. With him telling Bedelia he doesn't intend for Hannibal to be caught a second time, and him telling Jack that Dr. Lecter is just bait for the Dragon, and when Hannibal asks Will if he intends to watch the Dragon kill him, Will's response is "I intend to watch him change you" it seems pretty clear that Will intends for Francis and Hannibal to murder each other and for him to walk away and go back to his (boring, fake, necessary) picket-fence life with his wife and child and all their dogs. But then you throw in the wrench of "Is Hannibal in love with me?" and "I'd pack my bags if I were you, Bedelia. Meat's back on the menu" and "Name the bait on your hook after someone you cherished" versus "Hannibal would be the best bait."

I don't think Will truly made his decision about what he wanted to happen, or what he thought should happen, until he was standing on the bluff that afternoon before the fight with Francis. I think he wore the ring up until that point because he was unsure if he'd be going back to Molly or not, but also, much like Hannibal in the art gallery, marital status at that point was irrelevant; it was about the façade. And I think Will kept it on that day, and into the evening and during the fight with the Dragon because he was still hurt and jealous and angry and vindictive, and he wanted Hannibal to be unsure.

He remembered that moment, that near death of his at Hannibal's hands, that couldn't be wholly, intimately theirs because of that band of metal on Hannibal's finger, and now he finds himself on another precipice of life and death, except it's Hannibal's mortality at risk, with Will sending him to a sacrificial altar, and Will wants him to worry, that Will is going to deny them both their greatest fantasies, death at each other's own hands, not by proxy or fate or accident, because maybe, just maybe, he's going to go back to Molly.

I think in both cases, the rings signify power over the other, but also the endless pursuit of the one they love while being terrified to reach out and thusly resigning themselves to a safety net, a loving wife, a façade.

[regina-bithyniae]

Finished The Wages of Destruction.

Solid 9/10.

Core ideas to take away:

work creation was a minor element of Nazi economic policy, a distant secondary concern after rearmament

rearmament had widespread public support in germany

shifting to autarky took extremely hacky and likely long-run unsustainable export controls, and even *export subsidies* because imports were still an inescapably vital input to industrial production in

controlling big business was largely a "soft co-opting" project while the agriculturalists were insane morons who were much more staunchly pro-nazi

once at war, Germany was going for broke from the very beginning and there was near-zero slack they could've squeezed out more war production from

truly pitiful productivity rate from Germany's conquered continental empire - the workers were far far more productive if deported to Germany than working in home countries

German surface navy seems useless, they didn't even have the oil to run the ships, and metal would've been better used elsewhere

Speer was a shit, Tooze hates hates him

bombing campaign actually was successful! specifically taking out the Ruhr

"blitzkrieg" doctrine was developed as they went; original 1940 invasion of France battleplan was to go "right up the center" not through the Ardennes and pre-battle production focused on heavy artillery ammunition

Bigger points: German "Strategy"

Germany escalated from diplomatic crisis to war with Poland/UK/France, and to war with the Soviet Union, and then America, out of a series of perceived closing windows of opportunity. First one was seeing UK/French production overtaking them in rates and catching up on stocks. In 1940 the US fully commits to aiding Britain, creating sense of "the bombers are coming eventually" and need to gain immediate advantage by conquering the Soviet Union.

Bizarrely, German production was focused on the Luftwaffe in preparation for fighting US/UK air war as Germany was getting ready for Barbarossa!

Declaration of war on US pitched as confirming alliance with Japan, but still feels stupid. Germany could just stay quiet and force US to either engineer entry to European conflict another way or stay out. Still seems less stupid, considering this is at a time when Barbarossa is coming apart.

But overall, a sound if massively risky plan assuming you accept the insane basic assumptions. Hitler's strategic vision often gets assumed to be terrible out of disgust for the consequences of his actions and their failure.

I really do wonder what the vibe was among German economic elite from 1942 onwards, it's obvious the war is not winnable, that you're very fucked, and that everyone is coming to kill you.

Anyways, good book and worth reading/listening to. Tooze could've slimmed down on the pre-war stuff. I find him vaguely irritating with how he brings up irrelevant things just to show how smart he is but that's probably just envy.

P.S.

The original Volkswagen was just a massive scam with no actual civilian cars being produced despite taking all the payments for the vehicles. Possibly suggests two dominant strains of conservatism? Former is old aristocratic conservatism of the nobility or classic US elite; latter is the populist oppositional culture right-wingism which is about 64% scam artists.

[markantonys]

The show hasn't really gotten into the Breaking as much as I think they should have at this point. Which does kinda go into the fact that Lews Therin doesn't seem to be feared by the general public at least as far as we know? Which does make me a bit concerned as that is important. It does seem like the AOL flashbacks are leading up to Dragonmount and therefore the Breaking so maybe that's why it hasn't been addressed as much yet? Rafe did say there's less knowledge of the prophecies or at least less belief that they're 100% accurate since they're over 3000 years old and translated a million times so that might play a role too? Idk I'm curious for them to get into the prophecies more so we know what the world thinks and believes about the Dragon.

i just wanna say that as someone who studied ancient history and ancient literature, it is completely accurate that the current people of randland know very little about what happened 3000 years ago, that the average population outside of scholars doesn't care about what happened 3000 years ago, and that nobody is willing to put full trust in the accuracy of the few ancient texts and prophecies that survived to the present.

and mind you, i ran into all these things in my studies of events that happened only 2000 years ago. 3000 years, we are talking the late bronze age collapse in the mediterranean region - an event that's infamously mysterious precisely because we have so little surviving evidence to say what caused it.

when it comes to human history, 3000 years is a MASSIVE amount of time, and to be honest i don't think RJ/the books really understood just how massive (for example, randland should have been able to advance more, technologically, in 3000 years than it did, even considering how destructive the breaking was and how destructive the taint & false dragons & shadowspawn continued to be). the general population outside of scholars does not spend a second thinking about things that happened 3000 years ago or specific people who lived 3000 years ago. they just don't. realistically, lews therin shouldn't be anything more than a vague fable to the average population of present-day randland. of course they're not afraid of him. why would they be? he's insanely far-removed from and irrelevant to their lives - for now. i daresay they'll start to get nervous once they start to see true signs that the dragon has been reborn and that the last battle will happen in their lifetime. but until then, i cannot emphasize enough how much any dragon- & breaking-related shit is not on the general population's radar. they don't care about the bronze age collapse. they don't care about any sort of war or destruction or apocalypse until it starts to affect them personally (see: nobody caring enough to help falme in s2, just as nobody cared enough to help manetheren).

i will also add that as someone fresh from reading the books for the very first time, i can comfortably say the show is NOT lagging behind on Breaking Info-Giving compared to where the books were at this point. we had zero clue about the bore or any of that stuff until rand's rhuidean trip (and even then, i didn't really understand what the hell was going on in his visions until quite a bit later, and in large part due to learning some extra-book information that explained it better). as a show-only during s1, i can assure you that the 3000 years later flashback showing us a futuristic society made me go OH SHIT and hit home the full impact of the breaking far more than anything in the books, where we don't even see any AOL scenes onscreen aside from the rhuidean visions (which are very confusing to a first-time reader) and the dragonmount prologue (which isn't very useful since it's the first scene in the whole series and a first-time reader has zero context for anything learned there).

honestly, i think longtime readers forget just how much of our AOL/forsaken/breaking knowledge comes from extra-book sources like the companion, Word Of Jordan, etc; the books alone are very vague about so much of that stuff and i remember being repeatedly bewildered as to how you guys knew so much about the AOL when the books either didn't have those details at all or had them so vaguely that they flew right over my first-time reader head. i'm not 100% sure, but i believe latra posae decume isn't even MENTIONED in the books and comes purely from "the strike at shayol ghul", as do many of the details about the strike and the bore and the breaking. and so i definitely think the show has already included more information, and more CLEAR information, about the breaking than the books alone had by the end of TDR and in fact for much of the series.

[prowl-autism-extraordinaire]

a fic idea ive been playing with it that just after the war broke out, before prowl was sic, the current sic was like okay. this guy is pretty damn good at numbers and we fucking need him. if he decides to leave, we're fucked. he already tried to leave the planet once, he has to stay with the autobots. so jazz is assigned to convince him to stay/verify his loyalty to the cause. which is just a decade of jazz enduring the most abrasive, thick-headed and quick tempered jackass he's ever met while prowl is similarly frustrated with jazz. theres so many ways jazz could play this: he could try seduction, but prowl is ace as hell and only puts out on a schedule or when he sees it necessary to his goals. actual seduction is impossible. jazz could try being friends, but prowl is of the opinion that friends are entirely- okay actually im putting in a ficlet here.

Prowl, as a rule, did not have friends. He did his best to treat his allies fairly- so long it did not interfere with his goals- and was generally content to classify that consideration as friendly. None of this changed the fact that other people seemed to enjoy calling themselves his friend and being displeased if he did not feel the same. This was communicated in staggering, over-enunciated spurts of words to Jazz, who kept smiling and nodding along instead of asking Prowl why the frag he should care. Furthermore, Prowl explained, friends were a classist classification which served to designate specific acquaintances as more- or less- deserving of special favors. Jazz thought Prowl sounded like a cop and a cynic's wet dream to boot, but did not share this thought. All of this, Prowl was quick to assure (Jazz? The wall? It was unclear) was completely irrelevant to his job as a tactician. In fact, his selective social solitude was a purposeful and deliberate choice. Jazz doubted this. 

prowls drunk and jazz happened to wander by. he wasnt even trying to do his job, he just didnt realize prowl was around the corner.

anyway, jazz cant fucking stand him and prowl is pretty sure jazz cant stand him and how he feels about jazz is irrelevant BUT jazz is a competent soldier (prowl isnt officially aware of the roster for special ops)(he has an unofficial list)(jazz doesnt make it on there until prowl realizes someone told ratchet about his stash of contraband) and that's the important part. prowl starts recommending jazz be placed on particularly difficult missions as a sort of 'congratulations, you are decent at your job. continue to do it' and jazz wearily explains to his boss that no, this isnt an attempt on his life because prowl figured him out, its the closest to affection he thinks prowl can get.

[s10127470]

AU Idea: Nicktoon Fighters

Hey there folks!

For a while, I've been wanting to do my own fanfiction based around the Nicktoons, but I've had a hard time trying to figure out how to make it stand out.

Plus, I want to release it this year in honor of the 25th anniversary of biggest Nicktoons of them all, SpongeBob SquarePants!

(I know that sounds odd, but I figured better now than waiting until 2026)

In fact, when trying to create a premise for this Nicktoons series, I actually looked to SpongeBob, wanting to utilize some kind of element of the show as the basis.

And while rewatching SpongeBob, I noticed that how karate, despite being a favorite pastime for the sponge and particularly Sandy in the past, has weirdly faded into irrelevancy.

Like, I think the last time there was episode that featured karate was all the way back in like 2012.

And thus, it gave me the idea for an AU/fanfic where the Nicktoon characters are fighters.

This is gonna be short one, but I think you’ll all enjoy it.

The AU/series would draw lot of inspiration from fighting-based media. From video games like Street Fighter and Tekken, to anime and manga like Dragon Ball, Hunter x Hunter and Baki, to even Western animated shows like Xiaolin Showdown and Jackie Chan Adventures.

The setting for this AU is a version of Earth where all the Nicktoons co-exist, including the ones with Earths that don’t align with ours like Avatar and Breadwinners.

Their respective locations (The Four Nations and such) would still exist in this world.

As for the premise, it focus on SpongeBob and his pals entering the annual world tournament of this, well, world.

And in contrast to most other fighting tournaments, this one is similar to a Grand Prix, which there bing different sets of fights that occur on different nights and in different parts of the world.

As for why they're reason, you can thank Mr. Krabs for that.

Essentially, the grand prize for whoever wins the tournament is $1,000,000.

And as we all know about Mr. Krabs....

Speaking of Krabs, in this universe, he's a longtime fighter (having been one since he was teenager), and was a longtime champion of the tournament for many years (for obvious reasons).

Even to this day, he still participates.

However, he hasn't won the last couple of tournaments.

Reason why: while Mr. Krabs is still a tough customer, he's getting old (he's like in his late-40s to early-50s now) and he isn't in his prime anymore.

However one day after seeing SpongeBob and Sandy doing their usual karate matches, he realized that they and their friends are still in their prime and would be more likely to win the tournament than him.

And that's how they got here.

However, this tournament isn't what it seems.

This year's tournament has a new financer by the name of Sheldon J. Lawrence.

But in reality, he's actually Plankton is disguise.

Essentially, the previous financer had an "accident" and Plankton (in his disguise) was able to take over his role.

As for the tournament not being what it seems.

Well, all locations of the tournament will be taking place all just so happen to the same locations of The Warrior Weapons, a group of mystical weapons that once belonged to some of the most legendary warriors throughout history.

And as you expect, these weapons hold untold, phenomenal powers.

As for why Plankton wants them, it's pretty simple: Revenge.

Just like Mr. Krabs, Plankton also competed in the tournament for many years.

However, he never made it past the first round for....obvious reasons.

Even with his tech, he still couldn't make it.

That, along with the ridicule that came with it, drove Plankton mad.

But shortly after last year's tournament, Plankton would discover the existence of The Warrior Weapons.

This gave Plankton the idea to become a fake financer to he could be charge of the tournament, specifically in the choice of locations.

While the tournament was going on, he would sneak off to find each of the Warrior Weapons.

And with once Plankton has all the weapons, he plans to use them all together to make himself into an all-powerful being so he can become the greatest fighter who lived, get back at those who mocked him, and conquer the world.

Luckily, SpongeBob and his pals stumbled upon his plans and are now trying to stop Plankton from collecting all the Weapons while trying to win the tournament.

But they're not in this alone, as they made some new friends in the tournament who are here to help!

But before we talk about that, let's talking about the main star of this AU real quick.

SpongeBob is largely the same as he usually is, and he's in this tournament to have fun, make some new friends, and make Mr. Krabs proud! For his fighting style, SpongeBob is skilled in the art of karate. He's not quite a master at it like Sandy, but he does know it well. But what makes him stand out is that he mixes it with his natural ability to stretch his body to incredible lengths. He's basically long-ranged physical fighter ala Monkey D. Luffy. He's not the strongest, but he makes for it with immense resilience thanks to his sponge-like skin. As for his attire, it's basically standard karate garb, but with a brown color scheme with a black belt. His also has two side holders, which he uses to hold two big water bottles. Thanks to being a sponge, SpongeBob uses those bottles to shoot pressurized water from his holes, which can be powerful knock to people back and make dents in the wall.

Now let's talk about the other main Nicktoons.

-Avatar Aang: Aang is what you would expect from him, and he (along with the rest of Team Avatar) are here in the tournament to have some fun. For his fighting style, this is where things get interesting. In this universe, Benders each have unique physical advantages over each other (which is a concept I've had for many years). Waterbenders are naturally flexible and have uncanny reflexes, Earthbenders have superhuman strength and resilience, Firebenders have great stamina and endurance, and Airbenders have superhuman speed and agility. And since Aang is the Avatar, he's pretty much the living definition of an all-around character. But he's more of a speed fighter, due to his main prowess and preference as an Airbender. His style is also more evasive and defensive than others, due to his status as a pacifist. He also fights with his trusty glider staff, giving some more power to his Airbending attacks and to also trip his opponents. As for his attire, it's essentially the same outfit that he's had since Book 3.

-Timmy Turner: Timmy is back to how he was portrayed in the early seasons of The Fairly OddParents, and he's here in the tournament to win that money! For his fighting style, Timmy is what would you call a wildcard fighter. With Cosmo and Wanda, he can essentially create any weapon he wants. But he predominantly has them transform into martial art weapons. Plus the fact that he's also quick on his feet makes him a pretty challenging fighter. As for his attire, he would be wearing a slightly modified version of his hooded look from Abra-Catastrophe, but with the hood being pink, having magic martial arts weapons strapped to him, and his primary outfit would be the same one done by Zigwolf, with the addition of some white fingerless gloves.

-Jimmy Neutron: Jimmy is what you would expect from him and he (along with the rest of his friends) joined the tournament to see who between him and Cindy can last the longest. As for his fighting style, Jimmy is strictly a long-range fighter. He uses a special set of high-tech gauntlets and boots that allows him to fly and blast lasers, electricity, and powerful gusts of wind. Unfortunately, this use of technology also makes him a bit of glass cannon. As for his attire, he would be wearing the same outfit done by kianamai, but with the aforementioned gauntlets and boots (along with a matching helmet and visor).

-Danny Phantom: Danny, like most of the others, is what would you expect from and he joined the tournament (along with his friends and family) to have some fun. As for his fighting style, Danny is a versatile fighter. He's able to fight close range thanks to his supernatural strength (which can slightly enhance with by channeling ecto-energy into his hands or feet). Plus the fact that he's also skilled in boxing and kickboxing, which he learned from his parents and Jazz, doesn't hurt either. He can also attack enemies from a distance with his ectoplasmic energy beams, ghostly fire, ice powers, and Ghostly Wail. Plus thanks to his invisibility, intangibility, and duplication powers, Danny is pretty tough to land a hit on. As for his attire, he would wearing the same outfit done by coffeecakecafe.

-El Tigre: Manny is what you would expect from him and he (along with Frida and Puma Loco) joined the tournament for that prize money! As for his fighting style, Manny is a speed, agility and stealth-focused fighter. He utilizes his feline-like speed and agility to evade attacks from his opponents, and his stealth to get the drop on them when they least expect it. And in addition to possessing superhuman strength and his trusty claws, Manny is also skilled in Tiger-Style Kung Fu. As for his attire, it's essentially the same as it usually is.

-Jenny Wakeman: Jenny is what you would expect from her and she (along with her friends) joined the tournament to have some fun. As for her fighting style, Jenny, like Danny, is a pretty versatile fighter. She has a wide array of weapons at her disposal, has incredible strength and speed, can fly, can stretch her limbs to incredible lengths (similar to SpongeBob) and is immensely resilient. As for her attire, it would be the same outfit from her redesign by drawnfamiliarfaces.

-Tak: Tak is back to his characterization from the original games and he (along with his friends) joined the tournament to have some fun (except for Lok, who's definitely here for the money....and bitches). As for his fighting style, Tak is a mage fighter. He utilizes The Staff of Dreams, which allows him to cast all kinds of magical attacks. Tak's also able to use the staff in a melee style (being skilled in the art of staff fighting) and is pretty agile. As for his attire, it's essentially the same from the games: cape and all.

-Eliza Thornberry: Eliza is what you would expect from and she (along with the rest of her family) joined the tournament as a fun little side quest of sorts. As for her fighting style, just like Timmy, Eliza is a wildcard fighter. In this universe, Shaman Mnyambo not only gave Eliza the power to talk to animals, but also the power to call upon the abilities of any animal, ala Vixen. As for her attire, shs would wear the same outfit from Rugrats Go Wild!, but with red fingerless gloves.

Well that's all I have for now!

This isn't exactly the most detailed or informative post I've made, but this is a part 1.

I promise for the next part, I'll talk about a few other Nicktoons characters and most importantly of all, The Warrior Weapons.

Also, let me know how well you guys think I converted the Nicktoons into fighters.

But until then....

See ya!

[all-pacas]

random house ask (slash musings)…

i’ve been reading your chase and thirteen metas, and it struck me… there’s another character in the show who’s referred to by house as the “prodigal son” - amber. (s04eo3)

house says it as a joke, obviously, but thematically seems like it’s either totally irrelevant or the key to the whole show and i can’t for the life of me figure out which, or what (if anything) it means. just wondered if you had any thoughts, given the show’s general wealth of symbolism around amber and that line specifically being deeply tied to chase (and arguably thirteen).

I saw this just before I went to bed last night and my guy, I've been thinking.

So, what's immediately interesting to me is this:

13 calls herself the prodigal daughter. She's the only one comfortable enough to define her and House's relationship like that: she's the most comfortable with him, neither trying to impress him or become him. 13 and House aren't actually that alike in a couple of crucial ways: she's independent to a fault, cutting her phone lines and making huge life changes, and House needs to be around others as much as he hates them. For all that 13's mysteriousness is a self-imposed meme, she's actually very single-minded in a lot of ways: she decides something and she acts. And in that way she is like House, in that she acts according to her beliefs and doesn't like to involve others or change her mind. She cuts her phone lines and goes to jail. She quits medicine and moves to Greece. She asks Chase to bring her an ultrasound, then punches him when he tells her they need the hospital, even though he is right. And that stubbornness is very House, but that independence isn't. House in his own way is very social: he needs people to react to, to bounce off of, to antagonize. He doesn't do well alone, he doesn't like to be alone. He hates people but he thrives when he's around others. He doesn't make decisions in a vacuum like 13 does, he isn't really capable of making the huge life up-ending changes she does once per season. And they're both stubborn and single-minded and sarcastic and get along great, but it's interesting that 13 is the one who calls herself the prodigal daughter: not that she's wrong. But she decides. She leaves on her own, exists on her own. She is comfortable defining her and House's relationship.

House calls Chase the prodigal son, and it's a joke, but it's also not. Chase in early seasons is defined by wanting to be like House and failing, being a bit pathetic and silly and ridiculous for the ways he emulates House despite being insincere (House is deeply sincere — not the same thing as being pleasant or kind — Chase is an actor), despite Chase being presented as a bit dim. Foreman is like House without trying; Chase has to try, isn't that slightly embarrassing? It's only later that Chase is shown to be just as brilliant as House when he wants to be, not just solving cases but cases House can't. It's only over time that Chase becomes more House-like, and they're still less similar as people and more similar in terms of their lives: Cameron is basically Stacy. Chase becomes more cynical and isolated and lonely over time, staying static and unchanging as everyone around him moves on. He might have wanted to be House once, but by S8 he feels stuck and lonely and that House is all he really has, something he accuses House of enabling. He's also the one House tells not to be like him: House sees these parallels and tells Chase he wants better for him. Don't be like me. Don't be stupid and irrational and angry, don't react just because you're scared. Calling him the prodigal son was a joke, the hug was a joke, but Nobody's Fault/Chase were not jokes: Chase is like him, and House wants better for him. Chase has always wanted validation from House, wanted House to say I care for you or I'm proud of you (House wanting his father to say you did the right thing, Chase doing the right thing in Finding Judas and getting nothing); House instead tells him don't be like me.

13 isn't all that much like House and is comfortable with it and their relationship. Chase is forever insecure in his and House's relationship and is told to not be more like House than he is. They're House's favorites, but the dynamics are very different. Chase would never call himself House's son, because that's too big and huge: 13 is fine joking she's House's daughter because she's secure in who she is.

So here's where Amber comes in: she's the one House thinks is just like him. They're quickly made to be social equals (as Amber points out), and fall into a series of power plays and games that are very equal: they're fighting for Wilson. House doesn't treat her as a subordinate or a follower; he engages on her outside of work, at her home, in social spaces. This isn't something House does with his fellows, especially not in S4. And part of that is her relationship with Wilson kind of elevates her, right? He can't treat Amber as an employee. But House calls her a female version of him (conniving, manipulative, defensive, intelligent, not very likeable). House doesn't seem to like Amber much, but he respects her. She's the one he hallucinates and who becomes his sort of… well, literally his subconscious. Where you can make a case House sort of sees 13 and Chase as his surrogate kids (they're definitely his favorites), he definitely doesn't think of Amber as one of them. They're equals. She's just like him. And House doesn't like her.

13 isn't much like House, Chase is but shouldn't be; Amber is House, and where the first two are his favorites, he of course doesn't like Amber at all. And so of course she's, in a weird way, the most important of the three to him.

[jolenes-doppelganger]

Twisted Motives (Chpt. 1)

Larissa Weems x Fem!Reader

Chapter 1: Caught

Summary: A troubled writer flees from her troubled job in New York to teach a workshop on creative writing. However new she appears to Jericho, Y has history, a child born of the D’je tribe, a nomadic group native to the East Coast, Y’s existence has been shrouded in mystery since the moment she was born. Finding comraderie in the most unexpected not places, of people, Y mistakes her acceptance for safety. As things at Nevermore take a turn for the worst, Y learns that it isn’t just her secrets that are at stake, but the whole of Nevermore. [SO much world-building in this fic, will be a series].

Warnings: Written third-person, reader identified as ‘Y’ for my own sanity, Hispanic culture incorrectly used as a tool to teach (piñatas are NOT properly used).

Word Count: 2.1k words

The rain poured through the open cracks in the stone of Nevermore, slowly trickling down through the walls and into Y’s classroom. Buckets quietly tinged as drops of water splashed at the bottom of the tin. It added to the ambience of her classroom, the dim light and walls decorated with posters of classic English and Russian literature, the cornerstone of Y’s teaching style. Truth be told she had never expected to be teaching a classroom, especially with her religious and cultural preferences. But Y was mistaken, the students were both accepting and a bit relieved to have a teacher just as outcast as them. It was a simple job, albeit filled with corrections and piles of students short stories that never seemed to run out. But every once in a while, on a day identical to this one, the students were given the chance to put their creative ideas out into the world.

Paper and glue filled every open surface, the students happily slapping on the tiny colored paper shreds onto balloons. This was Y’s crowning accomplishment as a teacher, and activity both educational and engaging. The balloons has been filled with not candy, or toys, but rather jumbo puzzle pieces painted white and scrawled on in sharpie, puzzle pieces that once exposed, would be constructed to form the chronological composition of the student’s ideal fantasy novel. The piñatas would be decorated with a short summaries of their stories. The students had chattered about this activity since Monday, and it had drawn the attention of a good portion of the staff, including the principal.

“Alright everyone, find a good stopping place and direct your attention to the front please,” Y called.

The students begrudgingly stopped their crafting, sighing and groaning as they turned their attention to the strangely dressed woman at the front.

“Principal Weems is coming in to examine the progress of your writing piñatas, and I expect you all to be on your best behavior,”

Students began to roll their eyes and idly chatter among themselves.

“The most respectful students get candy. More specifically, skittles or starburst,”

Several of the boys whooped and the classroom was once again filled with laughter and talk, bubbling up like a milk-filled pot. Y smiled, her students were so full of life, and it refreshed her.

“Now, I expect her in about 5 minutes, assuming she’s early per usual, but since we have a little bit of time, how about we do the daily question?”

The daily question consisted of student’s questions pre-written and left in a jar. One question was pulled per day and answered unless it was otherwise inappropriate or otherwise irrelevant to Y’s stance as a teacher. Most questions were silly, ‘Favorite color’, ‘What are your big three’, and so on.

“The daily question is….” Y said, shuffling her hand around the glass jar until she caught ahold of a corner, “What are your cultural practices and how do they influence the way you dress?”

Y was shocked. It was neither inappropriate or otherwise irrelevant, but so thoughtful was this question that it surprised her. The handwriting was neat and elegant, and Y immediately narrowed it down to a few girls. It would take further inspection to be sure, but she suspected it was Wednesday who wrote it.

“Well,” Y began, “My cultural practices are heavily influenced by-“

The door swung open to reveal the tall figure of Principal Weems, dressed to kill as was customary for her. Y and Weems exchanged a glance before Larissa nodded for her to continue.

“Right, as I was saying per the daily question, my cultural practices are influenced by D’je spirituality which follows the movement of celestial bodies, more specifically the moon, which dictates how we dress, eat, and conduct our lives,”

Y paced around the front of the room, uncomfortable under the intense scrutiny of Principal Weem’s gaze.

“It is practice that all D’je tribes folk wear the Lorid, or the head piece that covers our scalp. It is not a hijab or a hair covering, but rather a symbol of our devotion to the moon,”

Weems nodded as Y spoke, intrigued by her culture. This was the first time Y had publicly spoke about her cultural customs in such explicit detail, and it entranced her.

“We also wear the Særth, or the wrapping that covers our back and upper chest. This too is tradition. All garments, whether cultural or otherwise, must follow the moon cycle. Dark, heavy garments are worn on the New and Waning moons, while lighter, brighter, garments are worn during the full and waxing moons,”

By this point all students were engaged and intrigued by Y’s brief introduction into the D’je cultural beliefs. The tribe was a quiet part of the Jericho community, a small group living in a secluded reservation up in the mountains above Jericho. Not much was made public about their traditions, but the bloody history of the D’je people was carved into local legends. A defensive and deeply rooted tribe, these people had not once been moved from their land, rather they were known for keeping to themselves and generally avoiding colonizers, a trait that bore them much bloodshed during the early stages of colonization.

But the history was as deeply intriguing as were the whispers. Locals had spun tales of the deformities the D’je tribe hid, the monstrous scales and crooked tails they hid, the deformed backs, the bald scalps. They were all bullshit of course. At least that’s what Y had adamantly defended to her students.

“Alright. That’s a brief summary of my cultural traditions, please welcome Principal Weems to your stations, I’m sure she has much to explore,” Y said, a tight smile on her face.

As the Principal took note of every students design, Y took a moment to fiddle with the Lorid. All this scrutiny had worried her. It was a full moon which meant Y was as lightly dressed as could be reasonable in this chilly climate, all of her hair exposed and cascading down her neck and back. The Lorid was secured by a thousand pins, but Y still felt nervous. Being the full moon Y was granted exemption from her evening classes to attend a tribal gathering, but she still had a good hour before then.

“Ms. Y, I am pleased with both your teaching and relationship with your students,” Principal Weems chirped, breaking Y’s inner monologue.

“Well thank you Principal Weems, I’ve grown accustomed to both in the two months I’ve been here,” Y nervously smiled.

“Oh for the last time, it’s Larissa when we’re alone,” Larissa playfully scolded.

Y’s smile melted into a genuine one, relief washing over her like a cool breeze.

“I was so honored to hear about your cultural practices. I’m well aware of how tight-liked you usually are,” Larissa continued.

“Am I tight-lipped or did you just never ask?” Y joked.

Both women laughed at this, comraderie bubbling as the students finished up their projects.

“Class, this is your five-minute warning!” Y called, briefly breaking from her brief conversation with Larissa.

As the students filed out of her classroom, Y anxiously waited for Larissa to excuse herself. Although she was not teaching a class, Y had a mountain of grading to get caught up on, and her prep-period only allotted an hour before she was expected to leave and attend the D’je ritual.

“Larissa, I am delighted to have had your presence in my classroom today, but I fear that my grading can only wait for so long,” Y sighed.

“Oh of course, I understand. Although I was hoping we could have a quick chat about next-year,” Larissa mused.

“Next year?” Y gasped.

“Well of course, we’d love to have you on the roster full-time,”

“Oh, well I just couldn’t be sure-“

“-Come discuss it with me in my office tomorrow morning before school. Here is some paperwork I’d like you to look over before then,” Larissa smiled, gently pushing the folder into your hands.

Y was left dumbfound as Larissa turned and walked down the row of desks, turning to momentarily smile before shutting the door. Looking at the stack of files Y groaned. The grading would have to wait.

<^*————————*^>

Y walked across the gravel road that led to the tribe’s gathering hall, tired and a bit depressed by her inactivity. The file had been filled with teacher reports and student notes praising Y’s teaching, how included and safe they felt, how writing would be their career once they left Nevermore, all of it was a trap devised by Larissa to keep Y there, to keep her teaching. Y’s simple plan to take a break from her novels had ended up being a roadblock, a sign post pointing in two conflicting directions. It was so overwhelming, and Y needed an escape. That’s what she found in the hall.

“Y, you’ve come!” Sierra, Y’s younger sister cheered as she ran towards her. “C’mon, it’s time to remove your Lorid and Særth,”

Y smiled as she slowly began to fiddle with the headpiece, watching as her sister did the same. Bobby-pins decorated the floor as they hastily unwrapped the head covering to reveal their dark horns. The Lorid was indeed triangle-shaped, constructed in a way that hid and concealed their horns without adding too much weight or bulk to the hair. Most horns were no more than three or four inches, pointing at an angle that made for easy concealment. But the Jericho tribe was known for larger horns, big twisted things that led for tricky concealment. Such was Y’s curse.

The Særth was next, carefully unraveling the twisted fabric, Y let out a sigh of relief as her wings were slowly unbound. When properly wrapped, Y could get away with the excuse of bad posture, one she had often used in the city, but at Nevermore she had grown more lax, a decision that both relieved and prevented wing cramps. The Jericho wingspan was also notably larger than most tribes. It made for easier and prolonged flying, a trait all members took advantage of.

“Did you hear, Aunt Cara gained five pounds last week from the baby, I don’t think she’ll be able to fly tonight, at least not for long,” Sierra giggled.

“That baby is gonna be massive,” Y smirked. “Hopefully she won’t need a C-section, Doctor Mark might have to be re-sworn in,”

The girls giggled and joked as they made their way over to the open arena, stretching and pumping their wings as they went. Joined by a group of 70 adults and 10 children, they listened as Chief Vera prompted the ceremony.

The Full Moon ceremony consisted of a little dancing, singing and a few whispered prayers of protection for the night’s adventures. Warnings and reminders were given: Don’t fly directly in the moons light, don’t approach residences and don’t fly towards lights. Ever since the appearance of the Jersey-Devil’s legend, the D’je people had been hyper-vigilant against being spotted, but the story continue as people blamed the tribes uncovered forms on a devilish creature born of the night.

The girls were unconcerned, however. They knew the rules by now, and could recite them in their sleep. Eventually a horn was blown, and the D’je people took to the skies. Sierra and Y quickly banked toward the Nevermore school, a river and several scenic bits of the forest begged to be visited on that night.

As they flew closer, the girls spotted a dim light quietly pacing through the undergrowth. Y quietly flew into the upper foliage of the trees, being sure to land quietly. Sierra was soon to follow, and they slowly began gliding from tree to tree, closer towards the figure that dared step so close into D’je territory.

The form was familiar to Y, and she gasped as she made out the figure of Larissa, quietly walking a forest path through the wilderness. Y was clumsy, too focused on getting closer than to being quiet, and a branch snap alerted Larissa. Y watched in horror as Larissa extended the torch up and toward the outer branches, inches from Y’s feet. But Y wasn’t alone. Sierra let out a series of short yelps, in imitation of a hoot owl, and flew off, giving Y a short period to fly off before Larissa turned the torch back towards her. Y flew forward, determined to make it our, but a curiosity drove her to look back, to see the face of a woman she had so unnecessary spooked.

The torch light grazed against her face, and for a short moment, Larissa and Y’s eyes met. Y shook and wearily flew back to the tribal hall, her mind frozen, replaying the look of recognition on Larissa’s face over and over, waking and dreaming.

A/N: This is a slow-burn. Sorry not sorry, I am not 18 for another week and I refuse to write smut until I can reasonably say I could at least be legally pegged. Will I write it? Stay tuned.