#they feel like they're being understood
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Note
In silvergifting, do you think sauron genuinely loved celebrimbor or was it like a rebound for him after melkor (as portrayed in many silvergifting fics)?
GOOD QUESTION. now i personally believe that sauron do love celebrimbor. i don't ever think it's a rebound. i believe each of his relationships and the connections he had with someone is genuine. ( ar pharazon does not count. he's praying on that man downfall since he step foot in numenor lmao. he scheme his way ). galadriel is a mirror to his younger self—ever so prideful and passionate. whereas celebrimbor is his skill, and his love for the art of forging. it's always someone he wishes he can connect with, since he believe what he did is for the good of the world. each one is a piece of himself scattered across these characters.
i see sauron as a being that yearn to be loved and feared all the same. i think he was truly fascinated by celebrimbor as a person. i believe both of them do share their knowledge out of respect to one another before celebrimbor knew who annatar is. there was a genuine friendship between the two of them- which unfortunately torn by sauron own ego. his desire for power and reshaping of the world took that away from him, and now he lost ( another ) person that he can connect with.
#ask#TYSM FOR THIS ASK ANON#just so u know i base this off a lot from trop characterization ( galadriel )#sauron is a lost spirit looking for Friends#but at the same time he wants people to bow down to him#i'm not babying him but he wants to be babied and he fail greatly at that#his tale with celebrimbor reminded me so much of this old folklore#about a blind monk that love to sing#and all the lonely spirits come to him because he sang so well and they adore him#they feel like they're being understood#silvergifting#sauron#celebrimbor
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
The 24 Character Strengths are awesome references when writing characters!!
I've found this website to be extremely helpful and cool while fleshing out my characters' personalities and motivations.
Even if I only have basic personality traits for a character, exploring strengths that I feel fits them and reading their descriptions is fantastic for inspiration!! It really helps narrow down the basic ideals I imagine a character would believe in, and then I can get more specific from there. It's a great guide to springboard off of!
Each strength is sorted into one of six virtues. Starting with a broad virtue, for example "justice," and honing that down into the strengths of "fairness," "leadership," or "teamwork" makes writing them really fun!
Here's an example of the "fairness" strength description! Lots of detail and tangible qualities describing it!
Of course there are infinite ways to interpret a character strength, just like in real life. And people aren't always black and white and follow a strength 100% of the time. But it's been extremely helpful to see specific traits being described in so much detail, and imagining different scenarios that a character would react in. It's like I can understand them a bit more and think a little like them, especially if their trait isn't one of my personal strengths. :3
But I also recommend taking the actual personality test for yourself! I took it years ago and it was really cool to put a name to some of my strengths and see how detailed this descriptions were. And when my friends and I shared our results, I felt like we understood each other just a little more. :)
Just thought I'd share this reference that's been helping me lately :D
#I LOVE PERSONALITY TESTS!! So much!!!#I know they're not for everyone but I love understanding the people around me especially if we think super differently#ever since my dear friends introduced me to them when I was a little baby college freshman I've loved them#like I had been around almost the same people from age 5-18 so I had to expand my understanding of other people in a giant public universit#the love language test helped change my understanding of how to connect to others and made a lot of things click in my brain#I love complementing people and would feel hurt when people couldn't accept them or didn't want to#but learning that they by default receive love differently allowed me to explore other ways to express myself to them#and in turn they understood that I take the words I say seriously and they accepted that I was being authentic#one of my best friends is literally the total opposite Meyers-briggs type of me haha#but I also I share a lot of parallel traits with other best friends!#learning more about the ways people think differently from me was so eye-opening and amazing#and feeling understood by others in turn was also a new and beautiful feeling#anyway shoutout to my fellow INFPs- enneagram 9- and words of affirmation peeps out there!!!#thanks for reading hehehehe#reference#writing#personality tests#jojo rambles
78 notes
·
View notes
Text
I think about how some people actually hate on Yuji, Nobara and Megumi and get confused because I went into JJK and by episode 3 I adored them.
#like what you mean you don't like them?#best girl and best boys? unbelievable#they easily became my favorite anime trio#their dynamic actually feels fresh and enjoyable#like genuine you know?#individually i say they're great on their own too#nobara being a girl into girly things while also not afraid to get blood she instantly won me over#true to herself good for her#I'm sorry megumi isn't some angsty teenager who has that typical 'I'm better than you' attitude#he actually is relatable because sometimes i don't care to have all that energy and I'm usually energetic!#he has a heart and his actions can be understood IF SOME OF YOU ACTUALLY TAKE A STEP BACK AND READ AND OPEN YOUR MINDS#then there's yuji! HE IS THE MC! HELLO?!#even though he's gifted yuji is humble about it#he's selfless he's a goof and sometimes he isn't with the bull some characters pull#i can go all day about my fave but i already got posts#just kiya's thoughts#jjk#jujutsu kaisen#itadori yuji#kugisaki nobara#fushiguro megumi#megumi fushiguro#yuji itadori#nobara kugisaki
48 notes
·
View notes
Text
I miss them so bad (Dick and Damian)
#ramblings of a lunatic#dc comics#damian wayne#dick grayson#ITS JUST NOT THE SAME MAN#idk i was reading nightwing must die (again...) bc i was in a funk and saw another post saying how fans exaggerate the closeness btwn them#and on the one hand i get it. there is a very rosy portrayal of their relationship you'll come across in fanon#and they weren't very close at the beginning of their relationship#but man. reading Nightwing must die again was like#YES they fight. damian instigates it and while dick tries to exercise patience he does fight back/lash out on occasion#but despite all that it's still emphasized how important the two are to each other#when dick is forced to picture a future where he's lost his way he pictures damian being the one to bring him back#not necessarily bc damian is his favorite person on the planet but bc he gave damian robin. for a lot of practical reasons-#-but also bc how far damians come is (i think at least based on this arc) a testament to dick that hes doing Something right#both as a hero/person#damian is more than just a burden saddled on him (although there's an element of that in their batman and robin run)#he's also a last remaining connection to bruce when he's gone (remembering where he comes from) AND he's training damian+#-his own way! with a dash of tough love and workaholic spirit inherited but also a lot of patience and focus on being More than the darkness#idc what ppl say nightwing must die makes sense for these two. its a retcon but one that works imo#that dick buried his head in the sand about how much damian meant/the responsibility he had to him bc it was a commitment he was afraid of#and how damian ultimately was a point of maturation for dick even if he went back to being Nightwing#they were SO goddamn close and now they're still close but only in ways that are implied#and their bond is deemphasized in comparison to each others bond w/ say bruce. which i think is a shame#it was a wrinkle! a fun wrinkle that the batfamily had that in some ways dick understood damian better than Bruce-#-even if he didn't feel like he could handle the responsibility of raising him full time#it kills me that bc of the n52 we never got the handover of the batman mantle (and damian) from dick to bruce#next nightwing writer...include a flashback to that moment AND have damian appear in the book in present....AND MY LIFE IS YOURS!!!#anyway. dick is damians brother but also damian a little bit imprinted on him like a baby duck and its rubbed off on dick#they're partners they're mentor mentee but most importantly they were batman and robin. and they were the greatest#NOT bc it was all peaches and roses but bc they cared for each other exponentially despite all that
133 notes
·
View notes
Text
maybe a controversial opinion but while i really love jiang cheng as a character he is deeply self-centered as a person. and seeing people fight tooth and nail claiming he isn't, or is just misunderstood, or that he has genuine valid reasons to be selfish when plenty of other characters make the difficult choice to forego status and opportunities for what they believe is genuinely right to do (read: wei wuxian, wen ning, wen qing, lan wangji, jiang yanli, mianmian, etc.)
it's just odd to me. especially if they're talking about the novels.
mxtx didn't give jiang cheng the name "sandu shengshou" as a quirky coincidence. there's a REASON she named him & his sword after the 3 poisons of Buddhism (specifically ignorance, greed, and hatred). it's crucial to the story that jiang cheng is NOT selfless and that wei wuxian IS.
it's important to accept that wei wuxian is, by their society's standards, not morally gray; he represents several Buddhist ideals in direct contrast of jiang cheng and multiple people attest to wei wuxian's strong moral character, which is a lot of why jiang cheng even feels bitter about him to begin with.
it's crucial, because by the end of the novel jiang cheng realizes the extent of this and begins to let go!
the twin prides thing wasn't jiang cheng wanting them to 100% mirror the twin jades. he does care about wei wuxian, but he wanted wei wuxian to stay his right hand man, in part the way wei changze was for jiang fengmian.
and if there's one thing you can notice about wei changze in the novels, it's that literally nobody talks about him. he is only ever mentioned when his cool mysterious mountain sect wife cangse-sanren is mentioned, or (even more rarely) when they discuss him as a servant to jiang fengmian. regardless of jiang fengmian's own feelings, wei changze was considered lesser to him and didn't seem to outdo him, since nobody's out there years later still waxing poetry about wei changze's skills.
it may not be the only thing jiang cheng wants out of a twin pride dynamic, but it is a big part of it. regardless of his parents' intentions in taking wei wuxian in and treating him certain ways, this twin pride right-hand man thing is what jiang cheng has felt owed since childhood. he gave up his dogs for wei wuxian, people gossip about his sect heir position with wei wuxian there... jiang cheng wants the reciprocation of what he views as personal sacrifices.
he is ignorant to the depth of what wei wuxian must've suffered for over 6 years as a malnourished orphan child on the streets. he hates how wei wuxian's intelligence, witty charm, and cultivation abilities are naturally stronger than his own. he does care about wei wuxian a lot and want them to be together as sort of-brothers, sort of-friends, sort of-young master and sect servant...
...but if it's between that unclear (yet still caring) relationship and being able to save himself just a little bit more, jiang cheng nearly always manages to clam up in the face of danger and choose the latter, which ultimately benefits himself most. maybe it's a stretch to call that sort of thing greed, but it certainly isn't selfless.
there are of course plenty of justifications for this. it's his duty as sect heir. his home and sect was severely damaged by the wen attack and subsequent war; he had to protect himself, etc.
but doesn't that prove the point?
wei wuxian may be charming, but in terms of pure social standing, he is lower and far more susceptible to being punished or placed in harm's way by people who have more power and money. to protect wei wuxian, yunmeng jiang's long-term head disciple and semi-family member, even in the face of backlash and public scrutiny would've been the selfless thing to do. this is what wei wuxian does for the wen remnants in the burial mounds.
jiang cheng does not choose this. it's not even an unreasonable choice for him to make! nobody else in the great clans is doing such a thing, stepping out of line to take on a burden that could weaken them in the long-run. wei wuxian himself doesn't hate jiang cheng for it; he lets go of these things and focuses on what good he can do in the present.
jiang cheng thinks further into the future - what would happen to him if he continued vouching for wei wuxian and taking his side? what about jiang cheng's face, his sect's face? would wei wuxian even care to reciprocate somehow? everyone expects him to cut off wei wuxian for being dangerous, for threatening his position, for...
do you see what i mean? to call jiang cheng selfless for falling in line with exactly what people expected him to do after the war is not only wrong, it's foolish.
"but they faked their falling-out!" okay. why fake it to begin with, except to protect jiang cheng and the jiang sect's own face? is that selfless? who does it ultimately serve to protect? wei wuxian canonically internalizes the idea that he stains all that he touches, including lan wangji, and agrees to the fake fight because he doesn't want to cause the jiang sect harm. regardless, it eventually slides into a true falling-out, and in the end jiang cheng is more or less unscathed reputation-wise while wei wuxian falls.
that isn't selfless. it's many things! it's respecting his clan and his ancestors, it's making a good plan for the future of his sect and cultivation... but it isn't a truly selfless in the interest of what's right rather than in the interest of duty and what's good for him and his family lineage.
that brings me to my next point: even though wei wuxian hid the truth of the golden core transfer, jiang cheng spent nearly 20 years believing that the golden core "renewal" he was given was a birthright gift of wei wuxian's from baoshan-sanren, an immortal sect teacher of wei wuxian's mother's and a martial elder to wei wuxian.
of course we all know that's a big fat lie, but jiang cheng believed that wei wuxian gave up a critical emergency use gift to him for decades! he was lied to, yes, but jiang cheng immediately agreed without even needing to be convinced. the light in his dead eyes came back with hope the moment wei wuxian even said baoshan-sanren's name. he accepted wei wuxian's offer to give that up to him and take it via identity theft without missing a beat.
with how mysterious and revered baoshan-sanren is, that's obviously not a light sacrifice to just give up to anyone, no matter how close they might be to you. pretending to be wei wuxian to take the gift could even be considered dangerous. what if she found out and got offended? could wei wuxian be hurt by that?
jiang cheng doesn't even hesitate. wei wuxian is the one who mentions that if jiang cheng doesn't pretend to be him, the immortal master could get angry and they'd both be goners. and funnily enough, the day they do go to "the mountain", jiang cheng is the one worried and suspiciously wondering if wei wuxian was lying to him or had misremembered.
of course they've both been traumatized like hell prior to this point. but still: it speaks to how broken he was at the moment as well as to his character overall.
i digress: jiang cheng "gets his golden core back" via what he believed was a gift that should've been wei wuxian's to use in serious emergencies. rather than use it for himself, wei wuxian risked his own safety and gave it to jiang cheng... and jiang cheng still ends up embittered and angry, believing that wei wuxian is arrogant and selfish.
if he truly views them as 100% brothers and equals with no caveats, why would he think that way? it's not like he needs to grovel before wei wuxian for doing that, or to reciprocate... but this is what i mean when i say jiang cheng feels he is owed things by wei wuxian. wei wuxian's actions hold a very different weight in jiang cheng's mind, and jiang cheng himself doesn't ever act the same way, except once.
is it wrong for him to feel like he is owed something? it depends. many asian cultures, including my own, feel that a person owes their family in ways that may not make sense to westerners. for example, it's considered normal for a child to owe their parents for giving birth to them, or to other caretakers for feeding, clothing, sheltering, educating them, etc.
however, something like verbally saying "thank you" or "i'm sorry" to family is considered crazy- why would you owe that? you're supposed to inconvenience your family; saying thank you or sorry is the sort of thing you say to a stranger or acquaintance. i get half-seriously lectured by my elders on this a lot even now, even though they know such phrases are just considered good manners in the US.
this muddies up the idea of wei wuxian being jiang cheng's family vs his family's charge or servant even more. jiang cheng wants wei wuxian to be close... but ultimately doesn't really choose to use what power he DOES have to protect wei wuxian. he considers himself still owed something that in his mind wei wuxian flagrantly never repays.
this isn't even getting into how despite spending a majority of his time with the yiling patriarch he never once noticed that wei wuxian stopped using any spiritual power-based cultivation. even lan wangji, who met them far more rarely, realized that something was wrong and that wei wuxian had taken some sort of spiritual damage, hence the "come with me to gusu".
of course manpain is fun and i'm not immune to the juicy idea of them reconciling and talking things out... but jiang cheng is deeply mired in his own desire to be "above" wei wuxian in multiple ways, and doesn't realize the extent of wei wuxian's actions, the intentions behind them, and the consequences wei wuxian knowingly faced for them.
to not recognize this about jiang cheng, especially in the novels, is really revisionist if you ask me. i reiterate that i really do like him a lot. he's flawed, angry, traumatized and has poor coping mechanisms, an overall fascinating character... but he is not selfless nor ideal, and i seriously draw the line at people saying he is.
wen ning shoves this all into his face at lotus pier to disastrous results. it is the reason why jiang cheng's a total mess at guanyin temple, and the reason jiang cheng ultimately doesn't tell wei wuxian about the fact that he ran towards the wens on purpose.
for that one last act of his to have really been selfless, he needs to not seek anything in return. he did it purely because it was right to do to protect someone else. if that means wei wuxian never finds out about it, so be it.
that moment that ended up causing jiang cheng irreversible harm is not a debt that wei wuxian owes him. it hurts, but no matter how bitter it is, that realization is so important to him changing in the future.
#keri chats#mdzs#mo dao zu shi#jiang cheng#long post#this is NOT anti/crit for him btw i like him a lot i just feel like nobody interprets him the way i perceive him#which even then my interpretation is p nebulous... worth saying i also heavily disagree w ppl who think of him as an evil shithead#he's upper class & steeped in jianghu politics/self preservation. flawed as hell human being but they're all war criminals lbr it's#Magical Genocide and War Crimes: The Novel#anyway this post is messy as fuck but if u read all of it: thank u. if u agree with me: ilu. i wish more ppl understood revenge ethics#as they stand in asian cultures and history vs in western (almost always culturally christian) cultures#it's unclear how far in the future the extras are but at one pt he's ''the same as ever'' which at best indicates slow emotional growth#and like. ykw? i don't think he'll be repressed bitter angry thinking abt his losses n pain forever. i think he can grow i believe in him#i have so many thoughts on this i could've made this post go on forever augh
117 notes
·
View notes
Text
the green knight (2021) 🤝 the boy and the heron
movies with incredible visuals and vibes i enjoy watching but could not even begin to tell you what they're about or trying to say
#one has two hours of dev patel being pretty and the other has a butch woman. so they're worth it#i just watched the green knight for the second times thinking maybe ill get it this time but i really don't#i feel like that drawing of an orc reading ulysses#am i just not well read enough or am i stupid or is this movie intentionally and pretentiously confusing.#is it about decay??? honor???? myths???????????#is it a bunch of spaghetti on the wall and you get to decide what you see?#is it some auteur's incredibly specific vision several metaphor layers deep???#when i saw that one avant garde play of percival i understood the story Better than when we read and analysed it in class#the first time i went to see the green knight i thought it was going to be about bisexuality. alas it was not#IS IT ABOUT EGO DEATH????
51 notes
·
View notes
Text
The thing that really kills me about Logan is that his kids are disappointing and ultimately unfit to be CEO, and it's not just that they're like that because he made them like that, but that they're like that because he wants them to be that way.
For all his talk about them being spoiled or coddled and his rant in the S3 finale that getting cut out of running Waystar is their chance to "be your own man" and build something themselves, he has spent the entire show actively undermining any attempt of theirs to do that. Shiv stays out and works in politics, but as soon as she joins a big campaign that could actually distinguish her from her family, he tells her he wants to make her CEO. He offers to buy Kendall out of his shares, but as soon as Kendall tries to take the offer and cut himself out, he refuses. He says he wants them out of the business and doing their own thing, and then as soon as they start actually doing that and buy Pierce, he tries to get Roman back.
The fact of the matter is that as much as he might claim to want a "real" heir, what he really wants is to never need one and for his children to stay children: incomplete, incapable, and under his thumb.
#something something the purpose of a system is what it does#i feel like the 'they are the way he made them' thing is pretty self evident and understood but it's important to distinguish that it's not#just a question of him being bad at raising kids or that he just can't produce the outcome that he wants: he is 100% producing the#outcome that he wants he's just lying about what that outcome is. he doesn't want them to be their own people or worthy of the position#because that would mean he wouldn't be able to control them and (more crucially for him) it would mean he'd have to give up control#of waystar. he doesn't want a legitimate successor because he doesn't want to be succeeded. he wants to deny his mortality and stay#in his spot forever. if his children grow up that means he has to grow old. if he can keep them trapped in childhood forever then he 'has#no choice' but to stay in power because he couldn't possibly leave it to them could he? they're not ready. it's a kindness to keep the#burden of the crown to himsef.#like imagine for a second if he did have a kid who was a perfect CEO candidate and exactly what he claimed to want. do you#really think he'd step aside and let them rule?#or would he see them as a threat and try to find some other way to cut them off at the knees and sabotage them the way he's been#doing with his other kids this whole time.#logan roy#kendall roy#connor roy#shiv roy#siobhan roy#roman roy#succession
87 notes
·
View notes
Text
I've been thinking about modesty from a specifically trans lense lately. I was taught that modesty indicates shame, that modesty means you're simultaneously ashamed of being human and having a human body, but also that you are "purer" because you adhere to a hegemonic idea of modesty. Frankly, I just don't agree with this, and it was very much steeped in the idea of specifically christian ideas of modesty.
Before I transitioned, I felt very unprotective of my body because it never felt like mine to begin with. I didn't really care what happened to it, and while I was modest by other people's standards, I certainly didn't feel it. Once I actually started transitioning (and especially on testosterone), I've found that I'm so much more "modest" because I've become protective of my body. There's this stereotype that trans people start "showing themselves off" after transitioning, but I honestly feel the opposite. I'm possessive over my body and exactly how it acts and appears because I actually like my body, and it finally feels like mine. I'm honestly kind of selfish about it, and I think I've earned the right to be.
I made this post because I think this is an interesting topic, and I think it's interesting the ways in which we internalize the influences that be. It's also a reminder that no matter how you feel about things like modesty, you should adhere to what makes the most sense to you and what you are most comfortable with. There are pressures to be modest in this way or that way, but what truly matters is what you decide with your body and yourself.
#trans#transgender#lgbt#lgbtq#ftm#mtf#nonbinary#modesty#like i was looking into swim pants to wear under my swim trunks because i don't want people to be able to see my legs for example#like... they're MY legs not yours. get your own legs dammit 😡 (joking)#and i found i have no shame about myself since being more 'modest' because i do it out of self-admiration#and personally i have no ties to the hegemonic christian sense of modesty and what i was taught living in a *heavily* christian area#that's not to say i have an issue with christians and what they feel is modest but it's more specifically the shame surrounding modesty#the idea that being modest indicates that you're a 'better person' than those who sin (wearing short shorts or swearing)#that's not inherent to the religion from what i understand but i don't agree with it personally#and i do not believe that modesty (or lack thereof) is an indication of ANYTHING about a person#it doesn't tell you anything about their personality or their interests or what they think#it only tells you how they feel most comfortable existing or behaving and even then you often won't know the complexities of that comfort#i have an issue with the ideas about modesty but i use the word because it is easily understood and it is the language i have available#if there's a better term or word for sure let me know but i haven't been made aware of it 👍#ANYWAY. i just think it's interesting#and if you're experiences are different from mine i genuinely respect you for it and platonically love you#and i hope you feel beautiful/gorgeous/handsome/cool and i hope you are comfortable <3
237 notes
·
View notes
Note
Metal as hell that the only person implied to be able to satisfy sukuna is the closest thing to his own modern reincarnation
HELL yeah, it's really about finding yourself, finding that person who gets u in a way that no one else does, can. it's about being able to show yourself, truly experience being urself in ur entirety, living to ur entirety, letting go of ur shackles and freeing urself because. it's. you. and you're able to simply be and have that reciprocated. able to finally fill that little hole that gapes in ur chest and is a weight over u, bc it's all so boring boring boring and unfulfilling. but now. there's. finally something that makes every bit of you blaze and feel like it's worth living. you're not alone.
#they're just. man#f.ask#it's that right. having to live ur entire life with a feeling of inadequacy. unbelonging#and it IS that#no matter if they're ultrahuman#how is a god supposed to fit in to a human life.#if not by giving up their godhood#by giving up part of their self. their identity. of their desires#being Too Much for everything else. where one desperately tries to give himself to them entirely vs the other who opts for restraint#(one who casts away his humanity willingly vs one who thinks he's not allowed it)#but they're. still who they are. they can't change that. still unfit. still desirous and in desperate need of connection as well.#and then u meet this other person and it's like oh! u're! like me! and u're finally finally able to share that. finally finally able to#show yourself. Express ur desires to their full extent finally finally finally. god.#sukugo are just when two weirdos find each other u know. the feeling of belonging. an exhale. the weight lifting off ur shoulders.#sukugo#jjk#but it's doomed!!!!!! bc being the strongest MEANS being alone. and they both hold on to their strength. but that's not allowed.#u can't have both things. being understood means not being the strongest. and for them that's tantamount to death
19 notes
·
View notes
Text
depression is really weird actually wdym i spent 2.5 years of my life in bed
#and wdym that lifestyle changed so quickly into being out and about and an active member of the world??#very proud of myself#and i mean it wasn't that quick of a change#it was like 1.5 years primarily depression bedrotting with occasional school -> primarily depression bedrotting ->#primarily depression bedrotting with 3-9 hours of work weekly -> straight into 31+ hours school+9-12 hours work weekly#so there was somewhat of a gradual progression#but still#also wowza i wake up 7-7:30am every morning now. 1pm was an early wake up for a not so insignificant amount of time#i mean of all fundamental growth years to miss out on the ages like what 12/13-15 aren't too bad? they would suck in a different way if i#had been socially involved#anyway it's just. yea i'm proud of myself but it is a crazy lifestyle change#and even when i was deeply depressed in a horrible routine i feel like i learned a lot. how to regulate my emotions and cope well and find#the joy in everything. bc if i stayed in bed all day then i would at least be happy about the sun or whatever#and for the while of being not at school at all i WANTED to be at school i just could not find one bc our school system is so cute like tha#(basically every school is at capacity and the local school that has a guaranteed place for me would have been an all boys or girls 😭)#but i miraculously found and got into this school and miraculously made it work so well for me socially and now academically#it's also a good time to get back into school for my education bc any later and it woulda been pretty bad for all my certifications and uni#ive missed out on so much maths that its not worth it to me to try and catch up but my teacher knows that#but ive always hated maths regardless i only ever understood it for the first half of yr 7 then my attendance dropped#and after my recent exam i decided to try harder at school. but i still got an A on the exam i didn't study for!! academic weapon fr#i'm just idk thinking back to myself in the past few years#and how hopeless it all felt. but i got out of it!! i beat the depression and social anxiety and found a good place and made the most of it#and during the peak of my depression i remember i went out someplace near my old school and panicked so so badly about seeing#kids from my old school. and the friends at the time didnt really check on me when i went to shake and cry in a side street lmao#i kept the best of that friendgroup and have better friends now. but anyway now i take a bus each morning with some kids from my old school#and you see these hands? they look like they're shaking to you?#anyway yeah it's just cool i got to this point :) i really had no hope for so long but now i have a life i'm living and a future i'm build#--ing towards#which is funny i just decided some random day last november after watching some better call saul 'huh actually lawyer would b pretty cool'#and will i get there? we'll see but i do have hope now
27 notes
·
View notes
Text
when you think about it Vivid Bad Squad was the first time any of them truly had people outside of family and not just classmates or family acquaintances. it's no wonder they got so ride or die for each other despite the rocky start they understand each other in ways no one else has before
#thinking again about how an's dream was doubted by everyone except akito at first#how it's akito specifically to find toya (two kids who ran away once. two kids who want to sing more than anything else)#how it's kohane that an chooses as her partner (an's loneliness from living in vivid street kohane's from never knowing anything like it)#akito testing kohane's resolve (he knows how this goes does she really want to continue)#kohane being the one to say toya looked like he was having fun (it is a new feeling but she loves it and knows he is the same)#more recently toya being the one to speak to an in wtwg (he's been here before after all)#loneliness in vivid bad squad and how it isn't that they didn't necessarily have anyone before#but rather it wasn't anyone who understood them the way they all do#sorry i thought about loneliness in the sekai mcs again and thought of how vbs are all implied to not have proper friends before the story#(an has haruka and toya the tenmas but haruka has been gone a while and the tenmas came from his link to classical)#i mean it can be said for each unit how they understand each other in ways no one else can#but with vbs especially it's. despite being in the welcoming space of vivid street they're all they really have#correction i know kohane has minori (and shiho) and akito has a few not named classmates i think? but they weren't until high school#(at least 1-a trio weren't. and again akito's classmates probably aren't that involved with vivid street or it would likely be a thing)#(so idk why i'm adding this since it sort of just proves the point further that vbs just get each other)
15 notes
·
View notes
Text
sorry for yapping so much today lol BUT
i wanna yap abt marcille and falin. i feel like when they were in school, maybe marcille didn't have romantic feelings for falin yet but admired her curiosity and aptitude for magic.
then later, during the time that they and laios were exploring the dungeon together, that's when she started to fall for her. she saw how capable and brave she was in action. i think for her that combination of strength and bravery with delicacy and charm really did it for her, like the prince on horseback the succubus turns into for her. marcille wants a partner who's pretty and romantic, but not weak or shallow.
Falin also says at one point before Marcille joins their party that she thinks Marcille treats her like she's 10, and while i think this is mostly her being self-conscious, it's clear that Marcille babies her like how other people of long-lived races tend to do to everyone else, despite them being developmentally in the same life stage. It seems more likely that, in the dungeon, Marcille grew to see Falin more as she truly is, rather than the limited side of her she saw in school.
Then during the events of the story, she slowly comes to realize her feelings are romantic, especially when she hears Laios talk about how much Marcille meant to Falin.
Falin, on the other hand, I don't know when I think she fell for Marcille or realized those feelings, but I do think that she knew she was attracted to Marcille by the start of the events of the story. After she was resurrected, I think their interactions show that. My interpretation is that after the conclusion of the events of the manga, Falin made the first move. Like a lot of people who've had NDEs, maybe she felt like she shouldn't hesitate to say how she feels.
(pls recommend good post-manga fanfics!!! not just abt farcille but abt anything, i love seeing ppl's ideas abt what happens after)
#ive read a couple abt laios and kabru#as someone who relates to both kabru and laios i rly like them together#even if just as friends..... but i think a well paced friends to lovers makes sense for them#kabru not knowing how to be authentic and accurately say how he feels even when he tries at the end rly cut deep man#the being misunderstood and not knowing how to communicate how you actually feel#fuck!#they're both so dense i love them#one of the few times i think frustrating miscommunication tropes would work#and with laios being fresh off the heels of the toshiro situation#like hes clearly being extra careful with kabru at the end there cause he doesn't want to be disappointed now that he knows kabru lies#and as a traumatized person i totally get crushing on or even obsessing over someone who's somehow able to engage with what you fear#so healthily and easily#the allure of someone who hasn't been traumatized by that thing#and the desire to learn how you might heal if only you understood what they see#i like to think laios sloooooowwwwwly helps kabru eventually come to see monsters in a more neutral light#like how someone with a fear of bears can come to see them as. just animals. and not evil things out to get you.#still scary ofc like you gotta have a healthy fear of dangerous things#that would be in line with how real biological relationships are weaved into the dunmeshi world#like ill always have this trauma around family stuff but if i ever had a partner or close friend who's family i was accepted by#that would heal me a bit#not enough to ever have kids or call someone a parent i think#but enough to not feel that automatic fear response#as much
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
ok but wyll x halsin
#bg3#wilderness boyfriends#who never feel like they're enough#halsin seeing baldurs gate thru wylls eyes#wyll being understood and supported#wyll#halsin#you can't tell me halsin#wouldn't be enamored with the blade of frontiers
39 notes
·
View notes
Text
nooo like reading maria janion's such comprehensive overview of vampires and what defines a vampire and how the myth changes through times and authors, as entirely expected, has contributed to my regis brainrot.
because though it's obvious how many tropes regis subverts as he literally talks about himself, it's more overwhelming when they're all summarized focused on examples from across history and the literature canon, and pretty much hitting none of them or fucking with all of them. because it's not that he just doesn't fit in within his own fantasy universe, but that he doesn't fit in within the broader canonical definition...
"my personal vision of fantasy (...) he is not the typical vampire bloodsucker, according to the dictates of the canon" ... uggghhhh sapkowski, in his witcher, by challenging all genre expectations and tropes, creates all of these characters that don't fit in anywhere, neither in their universe or in the broader canon. and thus, can only find fraternity with each other
i was just reading like 'so... so he doesn't fit in *anywhere*... 🥺'. regis in baptism of fire explaining how he doesn't conform to either vampiric expectations of vampires (socially, for his personal principles) nor of human expectations of vampires (biologically, for his literal existence). but it even goes farther when you look beyond the witcher and to the broader literary and mythological canon. in practically every understanding of a vampire he would not be recognized as one of them... and does he even want to.
#> not a vampire by the majority of definitions#> born a vampire#> doesnt live as a vampire#> when people find out they are curious and apprehensive abojt him being a vampire#imagine some bullshit question like ‘but do you FEEL like a vampire’#honestly. this is how i feel about my gender <3#'and then people fetishize me and it's weird' - he literally understood everything there is to understand. regis honorary lgbt#'honorary' ... im jk lol#isn't this most of the heroes of the witcher though#milva: 'i just feel like i dont even fit the definition of a woman' | regis (not-vampire): 'felt' | cahir (not-nilfgaardian): 'felt'#the elbow-high diaries#i would stop thinking about regis but also i cant sorry :p#c: regis#everyone in the hanza and their duality... they're all half-one thing half-another#call my favorite characters coffee... because you know you put that half-and-half into them#me: biracial and nonbinary crying 'idk why i relate to these witcher characters so much'#witcher characters: cannot be defined by one half and live inbetween two worlds not fitting in either#WE UNDERSTANDED !#every time i start thinking abt this again i start humming 'here on the island of misfit toys...'#witcher/baptism of fire is like: moreso than how you personally identity your identity is determined by your social group views and actions#and that is why i love it sm. on top of being anti-war and also being funny and introspective and beautiful
14 notes
·
View notes
Text
My favorite works in no particular order:
Tipsy Tales (Anemo Boys)
Symbiosis (Ayato)
What Destiny Has Brought (Fischl)
Hello How Are You (Gorou)
Follow the Wind II (Kazuha)
Of the Same Coin (Mika)
Songs of the Wind (Venti)
Nothing Lasts Forever (Yae Miko)
Sharing a Drink They Call Loneliness (Zhongli)
Of Hopes and Prayers (Zhongli)
#about me#it actually is a coincidence that majority are from different characters and not the same#so in like manner as another list i gave a while back i shall give fun facts about each#tipsy tales - one day i will update the post to include wanderer and will not tell anyone or reblog it#symbiosis - one of my favorite readers. i just like the way they speak. i dont have a full story planned for them as of yet#what destiny has brought - in truth i cannot stand fischl. she annoys me. i only wrote this bc i wanted her to stop being so delusional#hello how are you - tbh i only like this bc i think i absolutely nailed the voice and characterization. one day i will write a sequel#follow the wind ii - probably my all time favorite work. features one of the few kisses i have ever written.#(cont) but it cant be understood without reading the first chapter and my thoughts on kazuha as a character#of the same coin - i'll be honest i just think this is cute. i think this fic has one of my highest reblog to notes ratios#songs of the wind - the vibes are good with this one. like the first chapter has good vibes but this chapter is even better. very warm#nothing lasts forever - i wanted to write yae in a moment of weakness. i think i did a good job#sharing a drink they call loneliness - the amateurness of the writing now makes me wince but.... the catharsis and ending is still top notch#(cont) i had a point i wanted to make with this fic and smashed it out of the ballpark#of hopes and dreams - probably the most romantic fic in the series and its a deleted scene lmao. still like how i wrote it though#i forgot to say that these arent necessarily my best written fics#they're just the fics i personally like the best#honorable mentions are:#telling them off (ayato)#completely covered in red (ayato)#simple (alhaitham)#follow the wind i (another one i completely nailed the voice and characterization for in my humble opinion)#secret identities and whatnot (venti/xiao)#indulgence (wriothesley)#slitherer-outer (zhongli)#i know i'm kinda feeling myself in this post but nobody is gonna read it anyway except for u slo so i'm fine with that <3
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
my niece is staying with us for the whole weekend for the first time. until now it's always been one night only, not two.
it's the second night now and I have already decided this is not happening again anytime soon. I'm so fucking exhausted. it'd be less exhausting if it was my nephew, I think - he's older and also doesn't need as much help (even when he was her age).
I love my niece but she just asks so many questions. like when we're watching a show or a movie, even if it's one she has seen before (even multiple times), she doesn't understand what's going on and constantly asks me to explain everything. I don't mind it, really, but it does take a lot of energy. plus tonight it took over two hours for her to fall asleep because she was scared by the noises of the house and the nearby road. I get it, but damn I'm so fucking tired, I just want to sleep 😭
#my nephew will get to stay for two nights soon so that it's fair and everything#but then I think we'll go back to one night only for a while#I just can't sleep when someone else is here. and I do not handle being tired well. or rather being even more tired than usual#so yeah no this is too much#I'm so glad I don't have children. I literally would not survive#we played board games with her today. her idea. she chose the gsme#but it was so fucking difficult.....#I think most kids would have understood this game at like. 10 maybe. probably before that really#she's 12 and a half and just did not get it at all#she's got difficulties learning and she's finally getting (more) help for that in school now but I'm really.. a bit shocked that it took#this long for her parents to accept that#she's a great kid but it's been obvious since she started school that she needs more help#so anyway yeah it's 3am and I think she finally fell asleep after I put Charmed on for her#I've got a massive headache and I'm so fucking tired I feel like I'm losing my mind lol#couldn't sleep last night & I hope it's better tonight. but having someone else here is stressful.#ugh I wish this wasn't so hard for me. I want to be the fun aunt (I'm their only aunt.. aunt-like person... whatever) but I know I get more#and more impatient when they're here. I hate that. but I can't change it. I've tried! for 10 years! but it didn't work#don't get me wrong - I'm never mean or angry with them. I just get somewhat annoyed and I know it's noticeable and I hate that#they don't seem to mind. they love visiting us. but I don't like it because I hated the way adults treated me when I was a kid so I want to#be better#:(#anyway I have to sleep now or tomorrow will be hell :)#personal
7 notes
·
View notes