#they dont even KNOW her dad ????
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being an adult means we can buy or make as much self-indulgent shit (as we can afford) and unironically have trinkets of our fave things cause our teen years was bullied for liking things and hiding/denying we were ever neurodivergent to the point of suicide. sucks for anyone that thinks its weird cringe but I'm going to try and allow myself to love myself in little ways now
#wish i could tell younger me that i wasnt fucked up i was just autistic#even if youre not nd i still think having things you enjoy around you is important especially for your space#so i make a notable effort to get fandom stuff for my younger siblings now#like my lil sister thinks getting demon slayer stuff is cringe cause anime and what not (havent read it sorry)#but her face still lights up when i get her a pin for her#or a blind bag with a character keychain#and very slowly the self hatred and whatever it feels like that youre not allowed to like anything and that anything you like is bad#starts to diminish#my qpp is obsessed with birds and chickens and has so many trinkets around the house for it#or my friend who loves how pretty stained glass looks that his walls are covered in thrifted stain glass pieces#i know an elderly couple who are obsessed with star trek and they have a room in the house purely for shelves stacked with collectables#my friend's dad is so obsessed with spiderman that he has 3 walls full of figurines and posters and collectables that prob amoutn to tons#like i dont get it but i get it#maybe its because im sick rn but im in my head tonight about human loving things and stories and cocepts to the point of comfort#sara shush#ramble
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Leader and deputy
[Image description: a digital painting of Squirrelstar and Ivypool from Warriors. Squirrelstar is a small dark red cat with green eyes, standing in front of the much taller Ivypool, a gray tabby-and-white cat with blue eyes and many battle scars. The background is dark blue. end ID]
#i havent read a new wc book in years (They are not very good) but have been keeping up with The Happenings recently cause its fun#when was the last time there was a female leader+deputy? leopardstar and mistyfoot???????#anyway so happy forthem i hope they dont both die immediately#warriors#warrior cats#wc#squirrelstar#squirrelflight#ivypool#art#2023#I have actually been doodling a ton of cat designs like in classes in the last couple months lol#havent posted them because theyre just Designs and so many people post those all the time but if i get one (1) ask about it i can post them#also just have not felt like posting art recently even though ive been doing it. LOL#worried about squirrelstar cause um. i know cat ages have been generally increasing but she is older than her dad was when he died#if wc wiki ages are to be believed#her husband just retired to be an old man and she took his job#well whatever... i dont even read the books... i dont care... tch#ALSO EDITED CAUSE I REALIZED I PUT HER WHITE PAW ON THE WRONG SIDE#the first few rbs will have the wrong version but whatever. its fine. its fine
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still boggles my mind that in the year 2024 most players still ignore anora's character just to reduce her to a lying backstabber, when she only goes against you if:
you reveal her identity to ser cautherine and howe's soldiers, defeating the entire purpose of her disguise and also ignoring what she told you literally one minute before about how they can't know she's escaping with you - thereby betraying her first
you ignore her completely in denerim after she asks you to come talk to her, and only show up to the landsmeet
you bring up loghain's fate, and when she tells you that she would rather him be spared if possible, you tell her to her face that her father has to die
#also ppl saying that anora isnt a people person and thats why cailan/alistair are better rulers or necessary on the throne#when the game repeatedly talks about how it was ANORA who was popular and loved#loghain even tells you that she knows how to appeal to peoples emotions#'in another life she could've been a bard'#< thats not someone who doesn't know how to connect with and move people#like! youre a stranger who is aligned with eamon who wants to replace anora with alistair just to preserve a royal bloodline!#no wonder! she is not! the most open and friendly character to you!!#even that being said - she IS personable to you#she tells you personal stories about cailan and her dad#if you ask if she needs anything she is genuinely surprised and thanks you for asking#anora has flaws! you dont have to make shit up!#dragon age#dragon age origins#anora mac tir#queen anora
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As a certified dbda fan, I can suspend my disbelief about a lot of the iffier writing, but y'know what I still can't wrap my head around? The fact that Charles had childhood trauma that heavy and that relevant in his day to day life and somehow Edwin just... didn't know.
Like, you're telling me that in 35 years, Charles never mentioned it? Never alluded to it, never joked about it, never even accidentally implied it? The trauma from his childhood was so bad that it still deeply triggered him 35 years after the fact, to the point he was ready to physically assault the father in the Devlin house, and Edwin had apparently never figured that out?
Had the boys never come across a case with an abusive parent before? An abused child? Any violent man? Are we supposed to believe that this is the first time in 35 years that Charles has had to confront this trauma?
Because listen, I could believe it if in the Devlin house, when Crystal told Edwin about Charles' dad, Edwin had a reaction like "I thought that might be the case but I didn't want to believe it/mention it" but NO! He flat out just,,, didn't know?? How are you going to be a detective and not figure out that your best friend of 35 years has insane childhood trauma??
#also dont get me started on the fact that charles was best friends with edwin for OVER 30 YEARS and couldnt tell edwin about his dad#but he can tell crystal after knowing her for a few weeks??#AND THEN CRYSTAL IS THE ONE TO TELL EDWIN?? WITHOUT CHARLES' PERMISSION???#maybe im biased cuz even tho my trauma is nowhere near charles' me and my parter loooove to yap about our fucked up families#its official yapping would have saved them#dead boy detectives#dbda#charles rowland#edwin payne#payneland
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a father's love
#SNIFFLIGN AND WEEPING. IM SO FUCKNH NORMAL ABT THE KNIGHT OF DAWN. SNIFFLES. I LOVE HIM#guys u dont get it anytime i think abt him i start tearing up its so TRAGIC. being essentially pushed into the role of a knight for his kin#and pushed to kill briar valley's princess when he clearly doesnt want to. for the sake of a POTENTIAL to save the man who took him in. for#the sake of keeping his love happy and saving her father. to have a kid who you care so deeply for that u both give him up to a better futu#putting him to sleep for who knows how long so he can live in peace. even if it means you wont be in the picture. even if ur dead. SNIFFLES#im CRYIGN im MUSHY ABT IT. FUCKJIGN SUE ME#twst#twisted wonderland#twst silver#silver vanrouge#knight of dawn#ch 7 spoilers#book 7 spoilers#UUAGAAGAHHHHHHHHH#suntails#AND SILVER!!!! so resentful of what his og dad did. so guilt ridden of being his descendant. bearing the pain of a crime he didnt even comm#of leaving malleus with no parents. of killing the PRINCEiSS of his KINGDOM that hes been sworn to protect. the feeling of treason in his <#him trying desperately to push this away while completely paralyzed over the weight of his realization and crumbling to it. AUGGHGHH#sorry im normal (lying) (lyign) (extra lying)
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went to bed and woke up in a cold sweat realizing that claudia's play, the birdie one, is both a direct analogy for her story and also foreshadowing of her death WHILE ALSO nodding to pauls death
claudia'a single minded, desperate drive for freedom eventually lead her directly to her death. she was "nailed down" by lestat (by LOUIS, actually- lestat only kept her for him.), and tore herself free at the loss of her 'foot,' being a stand in for the personal pain she suffered for freedom
no matter what she or anyone did, she was going to die painfully, because she was so desperate to be free that everything was suffocating. lestat, louis, romania, the coven. the only thing that didnt rot in her mind was madeline, because... there simply wasnt time. madeline was fresh and new and, given time, would have probably suffered the same heel-turn claudia gave to everything.
of course thats because she shared louis' hopeful outlook. being free of her parents? would fix everything. when it didn't? maybe if she had louis, it would be worth it. but its not, lestats still here, louis is still in love with him... killing lestat, thatll fix it, and she and louis will be happy in romania, right, the homeland for vampirekind? not quite, so better try paris, the city of love. that doesnt work. the coven, though, will give her what she wants, right? she'll be happy with other vampires?
the only person who makes her happy is? a modern version of lestat? a weird white woman she met on happenstance, who has little to no care for societal norms or faux pas. a blunt, kind of funny, kind of sad woman who lost her family but has a capacity for enduring because what else is she going to do? die? no, she cant do that. she had no friends because she was weird and offputting and had dangerous rumors, no hangups on loving claudia, no hangups on dying or being a killer.
that's... just lestat. without the immortality and the specific traumas, of course, but like. claudia's most beloved person was a funhouse mirror of her most hated. which really speaks volumes for what they could have had, because it wasnt just a clash of personalities. it was lestats bpd clashing with hers and both of their attachment to louis clashing. if lestat had been better at sharing, if louis had been better at loving both of them, if claudia had been less angry at the world for nothing but existing? maybe they could have been a good family. a happy one forever, just like they all wanted, but were unable to give each other
#love.claudia#like im casting spells on people. love claudia#thats a command#claudia de lioncourt#claudia de pointe du lac#tagging both since she would like to be a dpdl but in truth she is a lioncourt#lestat also taught her way more than louis did and i think louis resented lestat for it#les taught her to hunt and feed and protect herself#he taught her chess and piano#which for all her underhanded insults about it#beyond having more experience#theres not much you can teach about chess#taken from someone whos dad LOVES chess and keeps trying to play it with me#outside of the pieces and the strategies theres not much you can teach#because it all depends on who your other player is. claudia losing to him isnt a matter of him teaching her poorly on purpose but more#he knows her better than she knows him#which is also true#but louis detested all the things lestat taught claudia#even smugly rubbing her “docility” in lestats face when she struggles on her first kill#lestat could have been a good dad if he knew she loved him and louis still loved him. lestat loved her and taught her#louis just showered her in gifts and affection and support (which she also needed!! dont get me wrong!)#sigh#lestat de lioncourt#amc iwtv#louis de pointe du lac#louis treated her like a kid when she needed to be an adult and lestat treated her like an adult when she needed to be a kid
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#art tag#oc: leaf (pmd)#leafeon#pmd#pokemon#pokemon mystery dungeon#i have So many ideas its insane#im just not fast enough to draw it all#in the middle of making an 8 page comic for leaf and her ThoughtsTM back when she was just turned into an eevee#honestly. good for her. bc i used to focus so much on emerald & bronze when i was a kid and leaf was just. there#now she gets her own flavouring of trauma#not to say the others dont have their own brand but im focusing on leaf rn#bronze has been the most neglected bc i think he lived a fairly ok life#his big thing was the he was from amp plains and also personally knows both the manectric and luxray tribe leaders#not on purpose. he doesnt even want to really know them. his dad just happened to cheat on the both of those guys#and his other parent was the luxray#(bc i considered changing him to being a shinx partner before instead of being pikachu)#so hes the bastard son who felt like he didnt belong
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in a world where the dungeon meshi cast are playing a ttrpg. did shuro just like inexplicably get roped in one day and he just. kept showing up
#hes like theres an expectation that i be there every week now i Have to go........#ohhhdbbxd wait wait wait i gotta draw this. shuro bursting out with I DONT EVEN LIKE TABLE TOP RPGS#laios. devastated.....#OH ok so. falin needs to take a break for smth so her character gets killed off for a bit#and at that point shuro is into falin and thinks ok thats the final straw im ditching for a while.#but then he finds himself??? missing it????#he probably experiences a lot of pressure from his parents to like. get into smth rly tough#law or medicine or some shit lmao. and his dad harangues him about socialising more#so playing ttrpgs was both a way of socialising but also an escape from that pressure#he eventually comes back even knowing falin wasnt back yet#and while he explodes with the not liking ttrpgs thing. he has to admit hes having fun and likes being there at least somewhat#and maybe.... has to admit he likes laios more than he lets on wndnxjxjdj???#BECAUSE HE DIDNT START OUT LIKING FALIN EVEN IN CANON REMEMBER!!!!!#so something Else had been keeping him there at first...
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soo... are we all looking at him?👀
#thought i was gonna like the unicorn#but here i am#i just know all their cgs are gonna be gorgeous tho#maybe emma's “dad” will support her with someone from his country easier than the others?😂#cybird#ikepri#ikemen prince#ikepri jp#ikepri jp spoilers#oo or he'll be even more against emma dating😂#i just put press-ons on and my god did i forget how hard it is to type with them#as if i dont have enough typos already#ikepri kagari
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Au where Moonpaw is in fact Bayshine and Thriftear's kit but the entire clan is convinced its a Squirrelflight and Crowfeather situation where Bayshine and Thriftear adopted Moonpaw from Nightheart and Sunbeam and is a nightsun kit because of her pelt and name, and everyone's jumping to conclusions about it. Moonpaw is a sweet but cunning and devious little devil child who is all too happy to cozy up to her "parents" for extra attention as well as get them in trouble and just generally be a little shit.
aka au where moonpaw takes advantage of the nightsun assumptions to cause problems on purpose
#i want her to be a brat. like squirrelpaw x100#she has firestar's legacy and she KNOWS it and she is not afraid to push around to get what she wants#like the rich girl elementary school bully trope. her great great great whatever granddad was suuuuper cool you guys#like he actually came to me in a dream one time and said i had special moonpool powers#'my dad works at nintendo" kind of lies#ive had enough of cats who dont want to be special and rejects their destiny or whatever#i want a stuck up prissy princess of the clan who uses family favoritism to bend the rules for herself and be a menace#like child odette in the swan princess movie#which would be even funnier if then she actually DOES get cool moonpool powers and rubs it in everyone's face#but then shes like. oh shit. oh shit i actually have responsibility now#i think thatd be cool#wc moonpaw#wc changing skies#changing skies#wc#warrior cats#bone blathers#moonpaw
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...
#i never really thought about a person being a finite thing. you can see the effects of a person after they die. in the unfinished projects.#in the rooms of clutter. in abandoned closets. in pictures and in mermered phrases. and you can see time#chipping away at those things. eroding away the evidance that a person existed. clothes move into other people's closets. projects are boxed#away. and a person becomes confined to photos and memories. and thats existentially terrifying but its not a bad thing. time erodes away all#things. that's how life works. matter and energy transforms.#we arent made to last forever. i dunno. i guess im still just rattled from being home even tho ive been back a week and a half.#and my brain tends to fixate on the wrong things. nearly 27 years of knowing someone eclipsed by a visual sequence lasting less than a day.#bc i just cant get over how scary it would be to die like that. to start losing control of your body. to not be able to feed yourself or get#to the bathroom. to have your mind be overcome by the toxins building up in your mangled and broken body.#and it could have been worse. it could have been a lot worse. but its still not fair. theres no good way to die. i dunno. i guess i just#miss my mom in some abstract way but i find it more viscerally upsetting to think about the people that have to deal with her absence.#it makes me sad that my dad is alone now. i dunno. grief doesnt feel like i thought it would. most of the time i dont even know what im#crying about. its undirected. it doesnt feel like: i miss you. it feels like: youre gone. how can you be gone? why does everything feel the#same? and its not that it doesnt make sense. its that nothings changed. the terror of that.#and im walking around in an acumulation of my dead mother's clothes. and no one knows. theyll never know.#and there's nothing to be done about it. so it goes.#i guess im just sad. and its hard to breathe at the thought of returning to school at the end of August.#unrelated
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my sweet little baby man is no longer with us
#he had his bloodwork done yesterday and the vet said it was fine but he doesnt have much time left#and my bestie is a vet tech who wanted to see the lab results bc she always does and she looked at them#and asked me if she can shiw them to her boss today and i was like sure and immediately knew something was up#today keekki was being himself#then i went to run some errands and when i came back he was laying in front of the front door with his tiny baby head against it#and i was like ''oh ok one of his seizures?''#and theyre like. keekki will drool and not move and they usually last for like 20 minutes (several vets have no idea whats up with those#but it was probably either a kidney or a blood pressure thing)#anyways. it did not pass in 20 minutes so i Knew#i laid on the floor next to him#then my bff sent me a message asking me if i have the time to talk about keekki and its not good news#at this point i was about to call the vet anyways#and she was like ''ok i showed these to my boss (a vet) and she got super angry that ur vet even let you leave the clinic''#bc apparently keekkis bloodwork was so bad he should have been put down then and there but my vet was like a fresh half graduate#so i dont hold it against her. anyways i got an euthanasia appointment for this evening and spent the time before it laying on the couch#crying with keekki in my arms#i had to carry him bc he couldnt really walk without stumbling and falling down#when i had to get up to get his carrier and stuff ready he was taking a nap on the couch where i left him and i took this pic#anyways worst vet visit of my life i could hardly even do anything but nod half the time bc speaking results in me sobbing#anyways. this fucking sucks#i dont know how ill be able to sleep tonight#its been years since i last slept at home without having a little guy plop into my arms#i spent a long time with him in the vet room when he was gone#it feels surreal ive given him his last ever forehead kisses#as i left the room i told him bye the exact same way ive been saying bye to him for the last very many years ive had him#its always moikka keekki before i go to work or the store or literally anything#and that was my last moikka keekki#i hope he felt how loved he was#my dad is sending me older pics of me and keekki and he looks so happy in them. hes always right next to me#idk man im going to stop rambling now
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something that took me so long to realize
when i didnt like a girl character with guy characters and then going 'clearly we dont need that' my response was originally getting the Aromantic definiton and going 'YEAH THATS MY GIRLS!!! AROMANTIC!' me now: no.... no theyre just lesbians.
NOW AROMANTIC DADS ON ANOTHER HAND-
#not related to anything i was just thinking of numbuh 10#i fully went 'i dont like her with boys. obviously aro (which is fine!)' but then... girls happened and i went :000#ive done with several girl characters i dont LIKE the main 'ships' with boys theyd have#but go crazy wild when suddenly GIRL#anyway 10/liz supremecy and princess is GAY!!!!!!!!!!!!#a majority of dont know what im talking about but thats okay#mr dicaramello the OG aro dad i had- dfbvjks i loved him so much u dont undeRSTAND#then average man is also aroace look at him. <333#just assume most my girls are like gay or bi#course no one would know this cause i keep drawing male identifying robots#em is probably closest i have to aroace for a girl. but even then also gay.#brat may be aroace actually now that i think about it. shes like the only one who im like '...u dont give romance vibes at all'#berserk is just disaster lesbian. shes so stupid i love her. brute at least tries to be sweet.#this is has 'alex going off about her girls for a good moment as she thinks'#may is disaster bi and thats because i have a whole pokemon comic going on about that. she just doesnt know yet
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MSN Culture and Sports correspondent Alistor Kirkland managed to catch a few words from Shikamaru Nara, GM and former World Champion (seen in video above) on how his Candidates tournament has been going so far.
"Thank you Shikamaru, and welcome back. And congratulations as well."
"Thanks, man."
"So I think I can speak on behalf of the chess community when I say it's a surprise to see you back so soon. There's obviously been a big change in your life recently - do you think it has affected your game this week? I think your opponents would say your middle game in most of your matches today were somewhat distracted, or confused. Do you think it was wise to return when there was so many new faces in the game now?"
Needless to say Nara was concise and blunt as ever with his responses, despite at one point being handed his three month old son.
"That's not a serious question. This Candidates is missing some players, for sure- one in particular [...] but the games were fairly decisive. And no one has given me a good fight yet. But I don't know, man [...] I think I just need more sleep. Next question?"
Find out more later on this week where we have exclusive commentary on the highlights by GM and World Champion Temari Koroleva!
Unofficial Grandmaster headcannon madness by TWNJ, inspired by my friends and some crazy cute new-dad Shikamaru pics posted by @eeveleon and original GM by @notquitejiraiya
#IM SORRY I JUST COULDNT GET IT OUT OF MY MIND#I have no idea what year this would be in#but I went with MSN cause thats where i probably would have seen news stuff on the net back in the 00s 😬🤷♀️#I ACTUALLY KNOW NOTHING ABOUT CHESS#I also know NOTHING aboit writing an interview#well thats not true#i know a little bit about chess#Shikadai and his white knight onsie ♟️🥹#Shikamaru is grumpy cause hes tired#but hes happy to be back and feels more certain and whole than ever before 🫠🥹#And of course you couldnt keep Temari away from doing some media stuff at the tournaments!#...i think ive lost my mind#hope its ok to do this 😬#dad beard#still rockin the bracelets 😎#little wee shikadai feet#I think Temari would keep her maiden name as her porofessional name? 🤔#idk#I didnt create this wonderful AU world#im just here for the ride#ive definitely lost my mind 👀♟️🤌#Grandmaster#GM#shikatema#shikadai#i dont even know if they are world champions in the end?! 🤦♀️
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“Orin is like that because she was groomed to be the head murderer of a murder cult” no actually Orin is like that because she is DISASTROUSLY INBRED.
#HER GRANDFATHER IS HER BROTHER.#HER MOTHER IS HER NEICE.#BHAAL FUCKED HIS OWN GRANDCHILD.#I DONT KNOW HOW MANY WAYS TO PHRASE HOW FUCKED UP IT IS#orin the red#Orin#bhaal#sarevok anchev#baldur's gate 3#what’s even worse is that sarevok is DISAPPOINTED by the events HE ORCHESTRATED#AND NOT IN THE ‘I can’t believe I told my dad to fuck my daughtwr’ WAY#BUT IN THE ‘o can’t believe my dad likes his greatgrandchild/daughter more than he likes his granddaughter/partner’ WAY#What the FUCK
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why cant my dad just do things for himself once and awhile im so tired of this
#he has physical issues and mental but bro he doesnt even try to help himself#hes in pain constantly and wont do jack shit about it#and he KNOWS if he starts doing a little more than sit and watch tv all day he'll feel atleast slightly better#the healing process is painful both physically and mentally but he hasnt even started it#he makes me so mad oh my god#i grew up with my mom telling me “he acts that way because hes in pain” DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT#he literally tries nothing. hes gonna die in the next 10 years#hes unhealthy and overweight and barely eats and his teeth are all messed up and he cant eat anything without it hurting like hell#but nooo he wont go to the dentist noooo#we HAVE insurance its not like a money thing jesus christ#ive barely had a father because of this he's constantly in pain and so he doesnt want to talk to anyone hes threatened to hit mymom and#later blamed it on his back pain#oh my god i cannot live with him anymore im so tired of it#he doesnt even.work my mom has to work until night to feed us and keep this house running and then my dad buys random shit off the Internet#and then fucking turns around and YELLS at my mom after she gets home from a looong day of work asking Why she spends so much money#its HER money. idgaf if you share a bank account or whatever its HERS she earned all of that and spends it on shit YOU NEED.#he has brought NOTHING to this family for the last 10 years besides being a father andhe DOESNT EVEN DO THAT#ohhh and his medicine he takes for all this pain “helps him” no the fuck it doesnt hes still in somuch pain. and then it makes him tired#and he sleeps all day ohmygod#hes just there at this point. i come home and dont even look at him cuz i Know hes sitting in that stupid chair in the living room#ive tried so hard to understand that “oh he's just..acting like that cuz hes in pain and .cant help it” I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE#it feels like i barely have a father#and the audacity he has to boss me around. like i understand im your child but oh my god let me live. i dont wanna end up like you#okay hes in pain yeah? DO SOMETHING ABOUT. IT that is NO excuse to be a shitty dad. NO excuse#oh yeah i have a dad but hes emotionally distant and never sees me becausehe wont get off his lazy ass#but yet i cant stop loving him. hes so much like me sometimes and that scares me#im going mad okay
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