#they don't need to announce immediately their devotion to each other

[chaotic-trav]

Everyone : No rayllum proposal??? Why?? WHY?

Me who was praying it wouldn't happen : No rayllum proposal? THANK FUCKING GOD IM RELIEVED OH I WAS SO SCARED

Like look I love them being in love and crazy devoted to each other as much as the next person but really I just wanted it to end like "It's okay, they have time to grow and just be normal and just be themselves now. They don't have to rush anything, they can take their time." And they delivered, they so delivered because now they have seven years to just grow and be together and be happy and I love it. Let them have it they deserve it. Sure, I would have loved the angst if Callum died but I love this just as much. Like yeah things are great right now but that doesn't mean we have to rush and make them better, we can just bask in this peace that we have for now, we can just exist and see what happens. Perfect ending, the only ending I wanted really. And "You know what I love about you? Everything." It was so good, it was a great ending for them because time was something these two rarely had and now they've seven years of time and that's just great

Anyway, here's to hoping this post doesnt get me killed

[anakinstwinklebunny]

SWEETHEART!ANAKIN HEADCANONS 3

TW: at some point it contains sexual content, so if you're sensitive to that or don't feel comfortable with it, please do not read it for your own safety and comfort.

Sweetheart!Anakin who knows how much you love stargazing, so one night, he surprises you with a late-night picnic under the stars

Sweetheart!Anakin who was great with kids. To even see him interact with other children as their uncle was so sweet. How he always listened to them, played and entertained them, how he was almost all the time surrounded by running little ones was just the most endearing thing you've ever seen those days

Sweetheart!Anakin who obviously had a golden retriever personality yet with some light shyness (yet it was attractive)

Sweetheart!Anakin who loved to hug you straight after coming back from work. He always said that seeing you was 'his favorite part of the day' and he had to at least have five minutes of hugging you before he could even go undress to some more comfortable clothes

Sweetheart!Anakin who was completely into decorating house for each season (like winter, fall, Easter, etc) with you

Sweetheart!Anakin who actually had a conversation with you about having kids. Although he was sleepy, all cuddled up to you after the long Christmas day spent with his and yours family, and he had a small baby fever (that you acknowledged since he sometimes had a habit of stopping by and looking through the baby clothes). So he was half 'alive' while he was asking you about having little ones running all around, although he highlighted that it's your body and it should be your choice to have kids.

Sweetheart!Anakin who actually collected Lego's. He had a small room for it and in free time he just went there, sometimes closed the doors to be with himself (although if you needed him or just wanted to be with him he didn't stop you from coming inside) and could even build an entire Lego city

Sweetheart!Anakin who wasn't a true sub and wasn't a true dom either. He'd not slap you or hurt you during sex. He knew he'd feel awful afterwards, even if you'd assure him it's okay, that you don't mind. So he tried to gently destroy you

Sweetheart!Anakin who began to feel suspicious about your behavior. Out of a sudden the smell of your lovely coffee was disgusting for you and brought a wave of nausea through you. Also your often morning sicknesses, and stuff like that

Sweetheart!Anakin who actually teared up after finding out you're pregnant and made sure to at least appear at most of your doctor appointments. In general he was very devoted/committed to your pregnancy. You needed a special pillow for pregnant women? He'd buy it the same day you mentioned it. Your back hurt? He'd make sure to relief pain as much as he could. Your feet were sore? He would leave what he had been doing to help you. You felt self-conscious about your body? He'd make sure to remind you how beautiful you are, how glowing, how radiant you are to him every.single.day

Sweetheart!Anakin who trained putting on diapers on everything. From plastic dolls to watermelons, to his mother's cat

Sweetheart!Anakin who was extremely cuddly after your announcement of pregnancy. He'd gently stroke your swollen belly, often searching for the baby's movements

Sweetheart!Anakin who absolutely was adoring you (even more) for carrying a literal human being in your own body for nine months. He himself made sure to remind you how strong you are, how he's proud of you and how he wouldn't be able to do it himself. For him you were a true inspiration, a woman who deserved to be pleased every day, a true super hero. No one could do it like you did, especially if you had not one baby but two

Sweetheart!Anakin who teased you about the gender of the baby;

"I'm fine, just a little dizzy," you said, brushing Anakin's concerned question about your mood. You knew Anakin was worried, but you didn't want to make a big deal out of it. "Really, it's nothing."

He frowned immediately, his smile fading as concern took over his features after seeing your tired face. "You sure? Want to sit down? We can head home if you'd prefer. Padmé won’t mind; she’s more excited about this baby than any of our friends," he added with a playful roll of his eyes.

"No, I’m okay. It’s not like he’s kicking all day or anything,"

“He?” Anakin raised an eyebrow. “I thought you told your doctor to keep it a secret.”

"I didn’t hear it from the doctor," you watched his confusion grow. "It’s my... motherly intuition" you added with a proud smirk.

“Motherly intuition, huh?” Anakin chuckled, a playful glint in his eyes. “With kicks that hard? Definitely a girl” he grinned widely.

Sweetheart!Anakin who was shocked to find out you had twins yet was extremely excited, saying he'll have a bigger 'Skywalker's army'

Sweetheart!Anakin who actually was nervous with you when your waters broke. Yet, he refused to leave your side. Almost having an argument with the doctor

Sweetheart!Anakin who sobbed after holding the twins for the first time; a baby boy and baby girl

Sweetheart!Anakin who told you to absolutely take at least one entire week to take rest after childbirth (without any buts). So, the kids were on him and he brought them to you only when they needed milk (yes, it tired him out but you deserved like no one else a proper break)

Sweetheart!Anakin who had a deal with you that you change diaper by turns;

You were both a mess, but not the bad kind—just the kind that comes with adjusting to the whirlwind of having a newborns. It was exhausting, overwhelming, and yet, you wouldn't trade it for anything. The quiet of the night was suddenly interrupted by the boy's sharp cries from his crib, signaling either a dirty diaper or another round of breastfeeding. You groaned softly, feeling the weight of the day pulling you already down, and reached out to gently pat Anakin's toned arm, trying to rouse him from his sleep.

“Ani, your turn…” you mumbled, barely opening your eyes, too drained to even move.

Anakin grumbled in response, his head shifting slightly on the pillow, his messy hair falling into his eyes and obscuring his vision.

“Ugh, why my turn…” he muttered, slowly removing his arm from across his face, his eyes still squeezed shut against the reality of waking up. “...I changed him last time” he added, his voice low and raspy with sleep.

“I know, I know…” you replied, your voice soft and tired as you burrowed deeper into the covers. “Just… change him, please… I can’t handle his crying right now.”

Anakin sighed, the sound a mixture of resignation and love. He slowly opened his eyes, squinting against the dim light filtering into the room from the moonlight, and sat up with a groan, rubbing his face with both hands to try to shake off the fog of sleep. “What time is it…?” he asked, his voice still heavy with exhaustion.

“Dunno… Just… go, please,” you murmured, turning over in bed, desperately trying to find a comfortable position and a moment’s peace.

“I’m going, I’m going…” Anakin muttered, dragging himself out of bed. His body protested with every step, but he made his way to the crib and gently scooped up their wailing son into his arms. “Hey, buddy… hey there,” he whispered soothingly, pressing a soft kiss to his tiny head. He just prayed the girl next to him wouldn't actually wake up right now

The baby’s cries softened slightly at the sound of his father’s voice, but the discomfort remained. Anakin walked over to the changing table, his movements slow but careful, and laid the boy down, his large hands dwarfing the baby’s small frame. “Shh, it’s okay… Daddy’s got you,” he murmured

Suddenly, after Anakin removed the dirty diaper from the newborn, he felt a warm spray hit his chest. He froze for a moment, disbelief and exhaustion warring on his face. “Dammit—” he cursed under his breath, quickly grabbing the diaper and trying to cover the baby before the tiny stream could go any further. “Little—” he started, but cut himself off with a sigh, knowing he couldn't really be mad at the baby.

The sound of your soft giggles broke through his frustration. You didn't have to look up to know what had happened and you would be lying if it wasn't somehow funny. But not for Anakin..He snapped his head in your direction, his eyes narrowing playfully as he saw you hiding your face in a pillow, trying to muffle your laughter.

“Oh, so this is funny to you, huh?” he grumbled, though there was no real heat in his voice. He finished changing the boy, making sure the new diaper was secure, before picking him up and heading back to the bed. Anakin flopped down beside you, carefully laying the boy in the space between you two. He knew how the boy was sensitive and just a small movement of putting him down to his crib could end up with more cries

“Yeah, go on, laugh all you want,” he said, his tone dripping with sarcastic amusement

“At least his aim is already on point…” you whispered, still grinning, unable to resist poking fun at the situation.

Anakin let out a mock groan, glancing down at the boy, who had mercifully stopped crying and was now staring up at him with wide, innocent eyes, cooing softly. “His aim is all over the damn place,” he muttered, though the corners of his mouth twitched upward. He reached out to gently brush a finger across the boy's cheek, his frustration melting away as he looked at his son.

Sweetheart!Anakin who actually was so uplifting after you had twins in more ways than one but especially about sex;

The quiet room was filled with the soft sounds of Anakin’s belt unbuckling and his pants unzipping, the noise almost deafening in the intimate silence. The kids were with your mother, so the house was all for you. And since you haven't had enough time for such activities lately, why not use such opportunity now? He continued to trail gentle kisses along the sensitive skin of your neck, his voice dropping to a husky whisper as he spoke, “I’ve been wanting to touch you all day..”

You hesitated, a mixture of shyness and concern creeping into your voice. “Wait��I… You know that after childbirth, that place isn’t the same… Maybe we should wait a bit longer…”

Anakin froze for a moment, his lips still pressed against your neck as he absorbed your words. A flicker of disappointment crossed his mind, but it was quickly replaced by a wave of understanding and concern.. He lifted his head, his warm breath brushing your skin as he whispered, “Are you sure? Is it… uncomfortable for you?”

You looked away, your voice trembling slightly with anxiety. “I just want to make you feel good…but I know that place isn’t the same as before, and—”

Anakin softly shushed you, placing a tender finger on your lips to stop your nervous rambling. “Hey… relax,” he murmured, his tone soothing and patient.

He adjusted his position, hovering above you with his hands resting on either side of your head, his eyes never leaving yours. “I don’t care about that,” he said firmly but with infinite gentleness. “Your comfort and well-being mean more to me than anything else.”

His gaze softened as his hand moved to caress your face, his fingers now tracing the delicate curve of your jawline. “Don’t worry about me or how it might feel. Your comfort and happiness come first. If you’re not ready, I’ll wait—no matter how long it takes.”

You bit your lip, still uncertain. “I mean, I want to do it… but what if it doesn’t feel the same for you?”

Anakin’s expression softened with a tender smile, a quiet chuckle escaping his lips. “Do you really think that’s what matters to me?” he asked, shaking his head slightly, his voice tinged with affectionate amusement.

He tucked a stray strand of hair behind your ear, his touch gentle and reassuring. “It’s not just about the physical sensation for me. It’s about being close to you, sharing that intimacy with you. Any pleasure I get is just a bonus. What truly matters is that you feel safe, loved, and happy.”

His eyes held yours with a sincerity that made your heart swell. “I don’t care if your body has changed. You’re still you—still the woman I love, still as beautiful and sexy as ever.”

Anakin leaned in closer, his lips hovering just above yours, his breath warm against your skin. “So please… stop worrying about me and just let me love you"

Sweetheart!Anakin who would actually try to help your leaking with milk breasts..;

he paused, his lips still lingering over the sensitive bud, before gently nibbling and teasting it with his tongue. His voice - thick with desire, broke the silence "God, i just want to taste you..every day, every night.."

"A-ani" you gasped, a flush of embarrassment rising as you felt the milk begin to leak from your chest

Anakin's eyes widened slightly as he saw the milk seeping from your chest, a blend of surprise and fascination evident in his gaze.

“Oh… gods…”

He leaned back just enough to take in the sight, his eyes transfixed on the delicate droplets. A surge of primal desire mingled with his deep affection.

His fingers, gentle and tentative, traced the path of the milk, careful not to hurt you “Can I…?” he asked softly, his voice a hushed whisper filled with both awe and longing to which you nodded

Anakin continued his attentions with a careful, deliberate rhythm, his mouth and tongue exploring your chest with a tenderness that bordered on reverence. His gaze remained fixed on your face, every shift in your expression and every soft moan drawing him in further.

Occasionally, he pulled away just enough to murmur against your skin, his voice a low, husky growl laced with a mix of frustration and yearning. “How is our kids so lucky… having this all the time while I only get to savor it so rarely…”

Sweetheart!Anakin who would spend time to write his own short book to read for the bedtime. For him, most of the stories were simply the same and some informations were repeated - princess captured by dragon, etc

Sweetheart!Anakin who would definitely make his own drawings to the book and soon after read it for the bedtime to the twins

Sweetheart!Anakin who had a habit of saying encouraging phrases to his children, especially when they were crying and feeling down;

As some days before, today's was the day where your daughter had a low 'battery' in everything - tantrum after tantrum, cries after cries and it was all getting already to your head. So, to not leave you alone, Anakin of course stepped in and after a timeout and a talk about proper behavior, he began the small therapy session to lift up the girl's mood;

As Anakin knelt before his baby girl, the little girl's wide, brown eyes glistened with unshed tears. Anakin gently took the soft arms of his daughter into his large, calloused hands, offering a smile as he encouraged the toddler with his usual routine. "C'mon, baby," he murmured softly, "I'm big."

The girl's tiny voice struggled to form the words perfectly, although the lisped response only made Anakin's smile grow wider.

"I'm brave," he continued, and after the girl actually repeated he added "I'm beautiful"

"I beautifu-u-u-l-l" the girl sniffed the tears back in

Anakin's smile only widened at his girl's innocent attempts to pronounce the challenging word, and he gently reached out, tenderly wiping away the tears from the child's eyes. "Yes, you are, beautiful. So beautiful, so precious," he whispered, the genuine warmth in his voice showing through every word. He gave his daughter a gently nudge "Now, c'mere, give me huggies."

Sweetheart!Anakin who's daughter's personality was a spitting image of his with your looks and his son had his looks with your personality. So, he was over the moon with all of you

Sweetheart!Anakin who definitely used his friends to have a moment with you;

A brief silence settled between you, the room filled only with the soft sounds of the boy's and girls breathing. They were sleeping on your bed, after a rough night of breastfeeding, diaper change and toothing..Finally, you broke the quietness, your voice barely above a whisper. “I’ve never been this tired.”

Anakin sighed, the exhaustion evident in his voice as he kept his gaze on the ceiling “Me neither… I don’t know how someone so tiny can be so loud and exhausting.” He paused, his tone shifting to something more thoughtful. “What if we let Padmé take them for the weekend?”

You raised an eyebrow, catching his gaze. “You trying to get rid of them already?”

“No, no, that’s not what I meant—” Anakin quickly backpedaled, turning to you with a mix of frustration and weariness in his eyes. “I just thought… maybe for a night or two, we could have a break. Just us.”

You hesitated, the idea of being away from your little twins tugging at your heartstrings. “I’m not even sure if Padmé would want them.”

Anakin’s frustration eased, replaced by a soft scoff. “Are you kidding? She’s absolutely smitten with them. I’d be shocked if she didn’t jump at the chance.” He chuckled lightly, the sound a balm to the heavy atmosphere. “She’s offered to babysit a bunch of times, you know. Don’t you think it’d be nice? Just the two of us… no babies, no screaming, no middle-of-the-night wake-ups…”

You bit your lip, still uncertain. “I don’t know…”

Sensing your hesitation, Anakin reached for your hand, his fingers gently intertwining with yours as he stroked your knuckles with his thumb. “Come on… just picture it. A whole night with nothing to worry about. Just you and me. Do you know how long it’s been since we had that?”

“Probably a month ago,” you replied, half-smiling at the thought.

“Exactly… way too long. I just want to enjoy being with you for a change… we might actually get to sleep” he added, his weariness almost palpable.

You finally nodded, conceding. “Alright… just call her in the morning.”

Anakin’s grin grew wider, relief washing over him. “Don’t worry, she’ll take them. She loves them…” He glanced down at the little boy, who had finally settled. “Just maybe a little less after tonight”

“It’s so quiet…” you murmured, almost as if the silence itself was something to be suspicious of. After padmè took both of your children, the almost uncomfortable quietness overwhelmed your entire room, especially your head

“It is… I can actually hear myself think for once,” he quipped, his tone light and teasing.

“No screaming, no crying… just silence,” you added, almost disbelieving “It’s so quiet, it almost hurts my ears,” you confessed, half-joking but half-serious, as if the absence of noise was too good to be true.

Anakin pulled back slightly to look at you, a playful smirk tugging at the corner of his lips. “Hurts your ears? You’ve been begging for silence for days, and now that you’ve got it, you’re complaining? I thought you’d be celebrating.”

He paused, the smirk fading slightly as he considered your words. “But, honestly, I get it. The buddy's a sweetheart, but he’s a handful and the small princess is already sassy. We both needed this break. You can’t fool me—I saw how tired you were this morning.”

You opened your mouth to protest, but he gave you a knowing look that stopped you in your tracks. “Don’t tell me you miss them already.”

Anakin laughed softly, shaking his head in amusement as you kept being quiet, almost ignoring his comment. “Already missing twins after half an hour? You’re such a softie.”

“I’m not a softie” you shot back, a hint of defensiveness in your voice.

“Are you sure about that?” Anakin raised an eyebrow, clearly enjoying this. “You’re missing our little balls of energy after less than an hour. Sounds pretty soft to me.”

“Stop,” you rolled your eyes. “I’m enjoying the peace and quiet, see?” you waved your hands in the air to emphasize your words

Anakin smirked, obviously not buying it. He crossed his arms and leaned casually against the wall, his eyes twinkling with mischief. “Oh, really? Then why have you sighed four times in the last five minutes?”

You narrowed your eyes at him, not appreciating being caught out. “Oh, stop,” you muttered, turning to head upstairs, hoping to escape his teasing.

Anakin’s laughter followed you, his smirk never fading as he moved to follow. “Ah, the denial is strong in you,” he teased, clearly enjoying every moment of this playful exchange.

Despite your attempt to brush it off, a small frown tugged at your lips as you climbed the stairs, knowing he was right. As much as you relished the rare quiet, a part of you did miss the noise—the chaotic, beautiful noise that had become the soundtrack of your life. Which was completely weird to you.. because what the hell is wrong with you to miss the 24/7 loudness?

He reached the top of the stairs and saw you walking towards the bedroom, a small, knowing smile playing on his lips. “Come on,” he teased, his voice light and coaxing, “just admit it. Say you miss them.”

You didn’t slow down, but he quickly caught up to you in the hallway, gently grabbing your wrist to stop you in your tracks. He stepped closer, his gaze soft as he looked down at you, still holding onto your wrist. “Admit that you miss those little devilish infants.”

“they're not some devilish infants,” you protested, your brows furrowing defensively. “they're a very cute, sweet, pair of twins with just a few growing teeth, and…” Your voice wavered as tears welled up in your eyes. “And he has those blue, smiling eyes and she has those brown eyes that I adore… that wide, innocent grin… and they have this thin layer of baby hair on their little heads…”

Your voice broke, the tears finally spilling over. Anakin didn’t hesitate—he pulled you into his arms, wrapping you in a tight, protective hug. He gently rubbed your back in soothing circles, trying to calm you. “You’re proving my point,” he murmured, his chin resting atop your head.

“I miss them so much…” you sobbed against his chest, your words muffled by his shirt. “I don’t even know why… I’m so tired of changing diapers, feeding them, making sure they doesn’t swallow their toys, changing their clothes… but I still miss them.”

Anakin held you tighter, his embrace firm and reassuring as you cried into his chest. He continued to rub your back, his touch gentle and comforting. “Shhh… it’s okay,” he whispered, his voice soft and calming. “theyre fine. They're with Padmé, and probably having the time of their life right now.”

“Do you really think so?” you asked, pulling back slightly to look up at him, your nose red and eyes puffy from crying.

Anakin smiled tenderly down at you, using his thumb to gently wipe away the tears that clung to your cheeks. He nodded, his expression full of reassurance. “Of course. They're in good hands with Padmé. She’ll take care of them like they're her own.”

A new worry crept into your mind, and you hesitated before voicing it. “Do you think they'll forget about us?”

Anakin couldn’t help but chuckle softly as he shook his head, guiding you gently into the bedroom. “You’re overthinking again, Rapunzel. We’re their parents—there’s no way they'll forget us. You’re his and hers mother. He’ll always know who we are.”

He closed the door behind you, the room now filled with a comforting silence. “Come on,” he urged softly, leading you towards the bed. “Let’s get some sleep. We need it.”

Sweetheart!Anakin who after ten years, on your anniversary, showed you your dreamed house he had been building behind your back and soon later you moved in to live there

Sweetheart!Anakin who sometimes let his kids wake him up in the middle of the night;

Anakin slept deeply, his arm draped over your waist and his head nestled into the crook of your neck. His breathing was steady and calm, his usually intense features softened in sleep.

Suddenly, a jolt woke him as he felt a small, unexpected smack on his leg. He shot up, instantly alert, scanning the room for the source of the disturbance.

His gaze softened when he saw the twins standing beside the bed, wide-eyed and grinning mischievously.

“What are you two doing up at this hour?” Anakin asked, his voice a mix of curiosity and drowsiness.

“Can’t sleep,” the girl replied, her voice lisping with a playful smile.

“We want ice cream!” the boy added, his tone matching his sister's in enthusiasm.

Anakin raised an eyebrow at their request, struggling to suppress a smile. “Ice cream, huh? Nice try, but it’s way too late for that. It’s past your bedtime.”

“Please!” They both chimed in, their pleas growing louder.

Anakin winced at their volume, casting a worried glance at you to make sure you weren’t disturbed. “Shhh... Mommy's sleeping. No ice cream tonight. You need your rest.”

“Please, Daddy... just this last time,” she begged.

Anakin’s resolve wavered as he saw the pleading in her eyes. He knew giving in now might lead to more late-night requests, but their innocent faces made it hard to resist.

“Fine,” he relented, “but this really is the last time. No more ice cream in the middle of the night, okay?”

With a reluctant sigh, Anakin climbed out of bed, his movements stiff from being jolted awake. He ruffled the twins’ hair affectionately, his amusement barely concealed.

“Alright, let’s go,” he mumbled, taking their little hands in his bigger ones. “But we have to be quiet so we don’t wake up your mom.”

Sweetheart!Anakin who actually made time for the special 'family time' - you'd play together different games, go out for long walks (which was a perfect way to tire out the kids), watch on the repeat 'Toy Story' or any different Disney's/ Pixar's real good movies while you're all cuddled up together. Also teaching kids from a young age how to cook/cut (although he swore to God that he was extremely nervous about giving them a small knife to cut vegetables or other stuff)

Sweetheart!Anakin who was a patient man. Not only with you but especially with kids. He didn't yell at them, but yes he gave punishments for bad behavior (mostly like time out, no dessert and etc) but it all was with unconditional love. Anakin always had a small talk with twin (that behaved badly) about their behavior and teach them the proper way to communicate their emotions and needs

Sweetheart!Anakin who made sure to prioritize your time together and in all craziness of raising twins, make time and spend it with you alone (like small dates, flowers without occasion, again the love letters whenever stuck together with flowers or by your bed in morning when he left to work)

Sweetheart!Anakin who made sure to teach the twins the true prospect of love, to treat everyone with kindness and to help others

TAG LIST: @kingdomhate @divineani @erosmutt @haydensprettyprincess @mistress-amidala @catnipaddictt @heartscone @haydensbbg @inneedsoffanfics @jediavengers @literally-izzy @anisluvrgirl @slutforfinnickodair @xhunnybeeex @fuckmyskywalker

(if you want to be removed or added then don't be shy and let me know 💋)

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s4 episode 14 thoughts

(after having seen this episode, i can confidently announce that it is making the top 15!!! god it was just!! so incredible!!! the undying devotion to each other!! i want to frame the way he cups her cheeks!!! i'm crying! you're crying! everyone cried!!!!!!!!)

ah, this episode. i have seen this one mentioned before. i’m interested to see if it was for good reasons or for bad reasons. i can tell that it will be angsty and hurt my feelings, but whether that is written in a way i approve of or not is hard to predict after my intense fight with last episode! and how mean mulder was!

so. reading this description. he’s going to look for answers for her. oh my god. AGAIN. not a mere coworker thing. but i digress. i have a feeling i’ll need to forget that part about their whole power dynamic from the last episode in order to move forward. 

also a little confused as to what the title is going to mean... i know it refers to a reminder of mortality, but in my art history course we looked at a bunch of memento mori art where skeletons just. burst into rooms. and interrupted dances. and i don't really want to see that today.

entering my forgetting mode…. okay. okay. i think i’m here. memory is blank. i am neutral. let us begin.

OH MY GOD SCULLY OPENING MONOLOGUE. okay hold it together. HOLD IT TOGETHER.

wait she’s writing something. who is she writing to? damn, she is very poetic when she puts her mind to it.

“hope you will forgive me for not making the rest of the journey with you” wait. wait hold on. wait hold on….. wait. (insert that sobbing cat image here)

she thinks she is going to DIE?????????

is she writing a letter to go with her will or something?!?!?? wah…. WAHHHHH 

she holds an x ray of her brain (i think that’s what it is, sorry to the stem girlies if it’s some sort of other genre of scan) that clearly shows a tumor………..

:( :( :(

mulder has flowers!!! he is asking where to go in the hospital instead of just looking for the sign directly in front of him. this shows that he is very worried.

he sees her through a window and stares a bit…… before he comes in the room

“i, uh, i stole these from some guy with a broken leg down the hall. he won’t be able to catch me” <- you absolute liar saying ANYTHING to make her smile. oh my god and it WORKED and she’s smiling and he’s smiling and i’m gonna cry already 

look at how he’s looking at her…….. i cannot reconcile this with the last episode at all. i’m sorry, i cannot. and for this reason i once again toss it out of my mind.

HE’S THE ONLY ONE SHE’S CALLED!!?!!?!?? their relationship. it's just. so.

oh my god, she says she has cancer, and he immediately assumes it has to be treatable. she has to tell him it doesn’t seem to be. his unwavering faith...

“i refuse to believe that” <- oh my GOD. oh my GOD. his face his eyes oh my god. he cannot lose her.

“for all the times that i have said that to you, i am as certain about this as you have ever been” SCULLY NOOoOoOOoo

(it must be so horrific to be a doctor and know exactly how you’re dying and that there is nothing you can do…)

he looks so utterly lost and she is trying to hold it together to tell him that if it progresses, she will have no chance of survival. 

“i don’t accept that”, he says, stuttering in disbelief; “there must be some people who’ve received treatment for this. we can….” he fails to finish that thought

(his unwavering belief for even a second that they could find a way needs to be studied in a lab. this man is so intrinsically loyal to the 3 people he holds close it actually makes my heart hurt. i feel aching in my chest)

oh my god he is the DEFINITION of “everything i let go of is covered in claw marks”. he cannot BEAR to lose anything else. he is grasping so firmly to the idea that there HAS to be a way. and she is trying to be resigned to her fate. how strong she is, i think, as she puts on her bravest face, telling him she is going to die.

oh my god, she has to tell SKINNER???? what the fuck. i never even CONSIDERED that. he says he is so sorry while mulder is twisting around in the background because he cannot stay still in moments of stress; i’m recalling how he bounced his basketball up and down, up and down when she was in her coma

they’re going to try and track down the women from allentown they met last year who they talked to about the abductions and the neck implants before she begins any treatment. skinner is reminding them both that they have access to the best treatments in the country. but scully must know that the best isn't enough.

scully says she wants to pursue this through the justice department whilst mulder nods enthusiastically. skinner seems confused but he acquiesces. what else can you do?

so they go to allentown, where they are informed that betsy (the main woman that scully had spoken with regarding the abduction experience) just passed away. and the realtor doesn’t want to let them in before her garage sale, but mulder POINTEDLY pulls out his badge AGAIN, and you know his ass is going in whether she likes it or not. 

(the angry way he pulled out that badge did something to my heart)

scully is having terrible flashbacks from the last time she was here. poor girl...

the realtor is watching mulder pick up the phone and scully points out someone is sending a fax! realtor is just standing there. with hate in her heart.

they go down to the basement and find…. a computer. that someone is copying all of the files from remotely!! some guy named kurt is allegedly copying all that information down. off to kurt’s place. who are, you kurt? a force for evil, i assume?

he is not answering the door and mulder is going to to check the back instead of just wait there because again, he cannot sit still for a minute. and bam! they find kurt. woah. mulder takes him down QUICK. 

NO NO NO. she’s bleeding from her nose….. she says she’s fine. “quit staring at me, i’m fine” <- oh she is so not fine. those are not the words said by someone who is fine.

(after having seen this episode, i still can't stop thinking about this interaction. how angry she seemed to be seen as someone worth pitying or worrying over. how she must have known that would keep happening in the future, how she wanted to hold onto her agency for however long she had left in this world. there was fury in there to cover up the terrible insecurity that comes from fate being out of your hands and the perceived, if not intended, condescension of needing to be cared for. because she is the one that does the caring, and not the other way around. and how she tried so hard to keep working despite knowing the time was ticking, to tell mulder to stop worrying about her, keep his eyes on the mission and off of her... there's so much to be said)

more blood is dripping into the sink in the bathroom. mulder is knocking on the door, asking if she is okay.

(oh my gooood, i’m not sure which angle of angst is worse here: mulder watching scully suffer, blaming himself for if he cannot find a cure OR scully having to carry on through her sickness and see how terrible it is for people around her to grieve her while she’s still living)

this kurt fellow claims he was in the same UFO network, and was copying the files as betsy had told him to. he ran because he thinks the government is trying to suppress that information. hmm. mulder seems to believe him. but they can’t cross check him….

she asks why not, and mulder won’t answer. 

kurt says that all of the women scully met last year died from brain cancer, except for one who is in the hospital named penny, and it doesn’t look good for her.

kurt is insisting that this is in fact a conspiracy, but mulder says he needs to talk to scully. and he walks her out of his view.

oh my GOD i need to copy this whole exchange down hold on….

“i want you to listen to me” “about what?” “about what you won’t admit to yourself- what you’re denying” “what am i denying?” “where your cancer came from” “mulder, it doesn’t matter” “it does matter. if what you have is a result of your abduction and that abduction is something the government knows about, then those are facts that should be brought to light” “i don’t know what happened to me. i have no clear recollection. and i don’t think these abductions are even abductions”

(and when she said that line, she was so furious, thinking the distinction didn't matter in the face of impossible odds, but he insists that it does, because justice ought to be brought to light- and it's not him circling back to UFOs like he always does out of his own self-interest, it's him trying every so gently to break to her that this could be something much bigger than them, a way that she was wronged that ought to happen to no one else- but she still cannot even begin to process it)

“all these women are dead” “no, they are not. one woman isn’t- this penny northern”

(and the desperation in that line as well; there was anger there, a need to pull on any and all threads, so needed that it blew her cool cover about how detached she seemed to her own mortality- she wants to live)

“mm-hmm. if you won’t listen to me, then i think you should go talk to her”

(the gentleness here, how he is trying to softly nudge her, how carefully he keeps his voice even despite the audience KNOWING that he just wants to shake her, beg her to do anything at all that could help her)

“about what? what it feels like to be dying of cancer? what it’s like to know that there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it?”

(oh my god the FURY in her voice here… how she was trying to fight back her voice cracking)

“if that’s too hard for you, then i think you should go as an investigator. you have one remaining witness, agent scully. i’d think you’d want to know what her story is”

oh my god the subtle “agent” in there… the way he’s trying to remind her that she is capable and can maybe find a way out of this, just maybe. the way he kept his voice so even the entire time like he was putting every effort he had into it.

i think that conversation will haunt me forever. 

(god those two were ACTING. i just KNOW that when they got that script they were excited as fuck)

scully goes to visit penny, who remembers her, saying she held and comforted scully “in the place”

scully carefully tells her that she doesn’t remember this, but penny assures her that’s okay. penny thinks she’s here to ask about dr. scanlon, who is treating the cancer, and treated betsy’s too. my money is bet on the fact that he is actually making them worse….

apparently dr. scanlon thinks he figured it out what causes this kind of cancer. and scully has tears in her eyes. oh my god. is she believing the scanlon propaganda...?

mulder is going through a bunch of files with kurt, then he's on the phone with her. “now call me an early bird, but i think i found something” <- oh my god he’s such a nerd, even when he’s fighting for scully’s life….

he thinks this whole thing is connected to a local fertility clinic, but she doesn't want to hear his theories- she’s asking him to please bring the overnight bag from the car, and call her mom to ask for some things so she can be admitted for treatment.

his breathless “is there anything i should know?” and her answer: “mulder, whatever you found, or whatever you might find, i think that we both know that right now the truth is in me… and that’s where i need to pursue it. as soon possible” 

AND HE SAYS HE WILL BE RIGHT THERE 😭😭

see, this is what i love about them. how they can say so much with so few words, how they would do anything for each other; if one of them needed the moon, the other would start researching how to tear it from the sky. this bond that is so… it’s back to the old question, are soulmates natural or are they formed? with them, they just seem to have that connection. and even when their differences might lead them to fight, it is just a underlying current, that togetherness. and it seems so natural.

(but i just know that the minute he leaves the place, all the files he’s going through are going to somehow get destroyed! i have seen too much of this show to expect otherwise)

mulder slams the file cabinet shut before he leaves and kurt is looking around. what is he planning, this devious kurt fellow?

someone else drives forward as he pulls away. girl is it gonna be CSM?!?!

someone is approaching. okay, it is not CSM. whoever it is has the needle you use to kill the aliens!!! is it the alien bounty hunter? i cannot tell… these white men blend together and also he can shape shift so who tf knows.

but kurt is DOWN and he is BLEEDING THE FIZZY GREEN BLOOD!! kurt was an alien?!?!?! why didn’t he heal those women??! is he involved with making them sick???! i have questions. many many questions.

the fizzy stuff is like dissolving him. not sure we have time to unpack that.

scully is laying in the hospital bed…. dr. scanlon is watching. okay, creepy, but maybe doctors have to do that sometimes. 

she says she doesn’t feel sick, and i typed sock at first, which would be far more lighthearted, wouldn’t it, if she didn’t feel like a sock? 

i don’t trust this guy. 

he straight up says that the radiation and chemo is going to make her feel like she is dying. and at that moment, mrs. scully walks in. she is… very unsettled. and the doctor says they want to start treatment this afternoon. 

despite telling mulder she knows she is going to die, she is trying to reassure her mother that everything is fine. that’s very interesting to me. that she feels she can be honest with him about the lack of hope, but needs to lie to her mother.

mrs. mulder is furious that scully didn’t tell her right away, but she says she wanted to get the answers first. she’s shaking as she says she doesn’t want to be kept in the dark. damn. she really has suffered so much.

oh my GOD... she kisses her cheek and hugs her, saying that she has always been the strong one… but she is her only daughter now. and they hold each other. pain. pain. and suffering.

they’re putting her in some stuff for radiation as scully narrates the evil of cancer, how it becomes one with the person it targets. she says it’s science's answer to an exorcism.

WAIT SHE’S ADDRESSING MULDER?? she must be continuing her letter from earlier……

“and if the darkness should have swallowed me as you read this, you must never think there was the possibility of some secret intervention, something you might have done” STOP. the way she KNOWS he will always, always blame himself, and is trying to say something to stop him from doing so just this once.

he’s breaking into a place because he wants to find anything at all… hmm where is he doing some good old b&e today?

“and though we’ve traveled far together, this last distance must necessarily be traveled alone” no…. no :( no :( 

she knows that he will never stop searching for an answer… to the point where he won’t be able to lead his own life… and so she thinks she should go ahead alone… oh my god. oh my god. is she referring to the treatment process? or the inevitability of death?

he’s breaking into the fertility clinic that he mentioned before. gonna do some typing in the dark. but someone is here with him!!! who???

a guy in a sweater. “i’ve got a gun pointed at your head, turn around very slowly” mulder announces with PERFECT calm.

god i love him. have i mentioned that i love him? how he is willing to die and kill for the ones he loves? and how he is NOT just some bully or mean boss? yes. i’m bitter. 

IT’S KURT!! but we know it is NOT REALLY KURT. because we saw that kurt is dead. so it must be the alien bounty hunter in a new skin? WHAT DOES "KURT" WANT? 

“he” (whoever it is in the flesh suit that was once kurt’s) claims he is also trying to hack into the clinic's system, but can’t get the password right. i guess that he is going to hack and delete everything???

mulder picks up a snowglobe and guesses the password!!!!! yeahhh snowglobes.

woah. cutscene to something being drilled into scully’s head…. must be a flashback from the abduction.

penny is by scully’s side, telling her she’ll be okay as she wakes up from the nightmare. they grasp hands, scully says she feels sick, and that she had a dream where “someone was doing something bad to me”. apparently penny was allowed to tend to her during the procedures. but scully says she can’t hear this right now. 

penny says if she can make sense of it, it’ll help her through the pain, to understand why it is happening to her.

okay, cutscene to skinner’s office. where mulder is sitting before he even gets in there. “i need you to set up a meeting for me”. skinner says “hold all my calls” in that gruff voice of his. i like his serious voice. and i am tense, expecting a fight to go down, or tears to be shed, or something.

oh tea…. mulder found a file from the fertility clinic with scully’s name on it… but he says he’s sure, “pretty damn sure” that she’s never undergone treatment for infertility. this could be very awkward if he is wrong. he seems confident, though.... have they had further discussion about families like they did in home? but even if she WAS undergoing treatment, why would she do it in a random town in pennsylvania? so i guess that his confusion makes sense. 

so he wants a meeting with…. CIGARETTE MAN. “you’ve come to me like this before”, skinner points out, but mulder says he’s willing to DEAL NOW. he knows he’s behind all this. “you offer this man anything, and he will own you forever”, warns skinner. a real deal with the devil…

hold on. i just remembered that in canon CSM killed JFK and MLK jr and writes bad fiction. a wild fellow. and i’m also remembering how mulder broke into his house and asked “why her” with his gun pointing right to his head. i am remembering a lot of things.

mulder is yelling that CSM must have known what they did to agent scully. “but you can’t ask the truth of a man who trades in lies- i won’t let you” says skinner. oh damn…. oh damn. skinner just wants him to be safe but this isn’t going to go over well

they are staring at each other. and he insists that mulder find another way. damn, those two have been through a lot. all those times mulder should have been fired… skinner showing up covered in blood to track him down to some arctic alien base… that time mulder was experiencing psychosis and punched skinner in the face… skinner’s murder accusations… these two have such a fascinating dynamic. i love it. i really need to dive into that someday. i need fic of whatever the fuck it is that is going on between them.

so, what other way can mulder find? the lone gunmen, of course!!

they hack into her file from the clinic and see a gene code… it’s a DNA mutation.

“you guys ever been to the lombard research facility?” (everyone turns to frohike, who shakes his head) “well, pick out something black and sexy and prepare to do some funky poaching” <- LMAO i was surprised to get a genuine giggle during such a dark episode

(neeeeed to know how these dweebs met. all four of them. i know there’s a spin-off series so maybe someday i’ll learn the answers, but until then i’m concocting theories)

skinner is entering mulder’s office. but who is there…. NONE OTHER THAN CSM. “it’s funny,” he says, “i always thought of you as fox mulder’s patron” hey what does that mean. hey what does that mean. is skinner hiding something….?

ohhhh, skinner just accused him of being the devil. 

skinner says he needs a miracle… “what’ll it take?” he asks. OHHHH my god…. skinner loves those two so bad………. a deal with the devil for them….

CSM says that “he’ll have to get back to him on that” when it comes to what it will take for scully’s life…………. skinner what can you offer??????

lone gunmen are breaking into a storm drain. do you think the redhead and the long haired one with glasses are lovers? i think it might be more fun to imagine that they are. i never learned their names. perhaps i am a bad fan. 

mulder and the redhead set out!!! time to break into the facility!!!

okay i think the redhead is named byers? or else frohike’s making a reference i don’t understand. 50/50 odds on that.

they’re going in!!! they’re running!!! mulder has his leather jacket!!! byers (?) sees a keypad to enter a code.

(yes yes, his name is truly byers. we all learned something today. or at least i did)

OHHH, okay, the glasses one is langly. that name is familiar, actually. i appreciate how they are purposefully announcing the names for people like me. langly declares that this a toughie, and will take a moment to hack into. 

OMG!! the doctor treating scully’s cancer works at this research facility they're breaking into!!! I KNEW WE COULDN’T TRUST THAT MFER. i am innately suspicious of doctors. and langly gets them into the building. 

mulder tasks byers to GO TELL SCULLY TO STOP TREATMENT NOW because this scanlon fellow is a LIAR!!!!

(imagine how that went down...)

scully is writing to him again….. penny has taken downturn. “mulder, i feel you close, though i know you are now pursuing your own path” <-GIRL HE’S BREAKING AND ENTERING FOR YOU!!! THE PATHS YOU WALK ARE NOT SO FAR APART!!

“i need to know you’re out there if i am ever to see through this” oh my god….. he gives her hope to keep going…. something to fight for…

mulder is getting lost on the video feed while byers tries to make an escape…. but the cops are approaching!!!!!

he finds a door and slams on it… and who is inside but MULTIPLE KURT DUPES!!! the damn aliens!!!!!!

they welcome mulder in by name. he puts together that they are hybirds, and they beckon him in so they can explain in further detail.

there’s a creature in a tank i don’t much care for. okay. actually many many creatures in tanks. 

the kurts are saying they are trying to subvert the project that created “us”. OH! mulder sees into the tank and it’s the same shape of the boy he saw up in canada with his fake sister!!! so they are the end results… and they want the same thing he does??? i guess. 

he takes them to a room filled with “human ova”. including one from betsy. oh no… oh god… yes, they took it during her abduction, and from all the women they abducted, including scully. i don’t want to think about what “super ovulation” means. but mulder is shocked. imagine him having to explain to scully that he held her ova in his hands. and the procedure that leaves them barren (!!!) also gives them the cancer.

(frantically opens the wikipedia article for human ovaries before realizing i can figure out the details later)

this clearly has implications for their family planning chats. god, is he gonna be the one to tell her that she can't have children....?

but the kurts are trying to save them!!! because these women are their mothers!!!!

so, do we believe the kurts?? i'm not sure. if we know there are a bunch, does that mean the hacker kurt from earlier could actually be a good guy? or was he really the bounty hunter working on further nefarious actions?

bro straight up pocketed her ova. he’s a real one for that. do they have to be cold or something?? luckily, i have never had to ask these questions.

byers is currently dodging the cops, and the guy that killed OG kurt is now looking for some violence. 

NO…. mystery man is shooting at mulder!!!! the glass is bulletproof but it stopped being so after like 3 clips.

luckily the boys provide him an escape JUST IN TIME. shoutout to the lone gunmen fr.

he runs back to allentown and doesn’t find scully in her bed!!! but he finds her journal with the letters she had been writing to mulder. oh, he reads them....

where is scully?????? she’s with penny. penny is dying. she tells her that dr. scanlon isn’t coming back. and penny says that she’s been such a comfort, and to not give up hope. scully begins to cry.

mulder is sitting in a hospital chair at 5 am, falling asleep outside the room. finally, scully leaves penny’s room, crying. 

he confesses to reading some of what she wrote…. but she says he didn’t want her to read that. and that she has decided she’s not going to let this thing beat her. she looks so tired…. so sick…. 

was scalon killing these women in the name of the secret alien project? “that will be proven if we find him” “when we find him” OUGHHH 

she says she has things to finish, to prove to herself and her family. and he’s smiling at her. a real smile. telling her to come on back. 

ohhhh and they’re hugging. he’s tucking her head under his chin and rubbing her shoulder.

“the truth will save you, scully. i think it’ll save both of us” <-OHHHHHHHH MY GOD I AM GOING TO RIP AND TEAR AND YELL AND SCREAM AND HOLLER!!!

WAIT OH MY GOD I WAS SCREAMING BEFORE BUT THEN HE SO GENTLY TURNS HER AND KISSES HER FOREHEAD……. shut up. it’s so tender it’s so terribly tender. 

(a day later and i am still fixated on this. how terribly terribly gentle he is with her. it reminds me of how he held her face during beyond the sea, which, prior to this, was one of my favorite moments ever, and now i have TWO of them. he loves her so deeply in every sense of the word. and she loves him, deciding to keep fighting, to draw strength from him but also to honor herself, to achieve the things she has always meant to do, because she knows that she is worth fighting for)

finally they let go, and as she walks down the hall, he pulls out her ova from his pocket…. i’m so torn because my heart is still absolutely torn in half from how gentle that moment just was, but i’m also sitting here thinking… dude, do we need to get that into a freezer or something??

skinner answers the phone- at 5:30 AM! mulder says he was going to leave a voicemail and is shocked to hear him. mulder thanks him for his advice, and says it was wise to steer clear of CSM. they have to find out what he knows, but they need another way. skinner says there’s always another way, but as the camera moves, we see the room filled with smoke and a hand holding a cigarette…

he says “yes i believe there is, if you’re willing to pay the price” SKINNER BE CAREFUL I’M SCARED

do you think the writers purposefully associated cigarettes with the sleaziest and most awful character in order to get the children to stop smoking….?

end episode.

okay. i have so many thoughts. let’s start: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHWAAAAAAAHHHHGGGGGGGGGGWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH

okay. that could have gone on for longer, but i’m going to compose myself. 

scully… my poor sweet scully, writing about her own death to mulder……… how helpless and resigned and furious she felt, yet still tried to be strong for her mother and for him…. how she decided to come back to work despite what she is going through…. the grief of mourning yourself and those around you mourning you… she looked so sick and exhausted, her terrible nightmares, being unable to accept what happened to her, holding penny close only to lose her too…. the incredible strength it takes her to decide to get back to work and keep fighting when everything hurts and the odds are so slim… god scully you really have suffered so terribly…. turning back from narrating her life in the past tense to the present tense…. it was very very very powerful

and mulder never for a single second ever stopping. how he completely refused to believe that anything was impossible. his smile when he brought the flowers to her in the hospital, the way his face fell when he realized what was going on, but refused to believe that anything could take her from him. the way he kept his voice even in the conversation in the hall. how he brought her the things from the car, how he barreled into her room when she wasn’t there, reading her journal in terror, how he smiled and held her, ran his fingers through her hair, gently kissed her forehead. how he took her ova, which sounds so crazy out of context, but in context it’s soul-crushing. he grabbed it for her. kept them in his pocket as she decided to keep fighting. a conversation for another day.

and skinner making deals with the devil, but only by himself, never even thinking to let mulder do it….

so where do we go from here?

if the treatment from dr. scanlon was making the patients worse, that immediate obstacle has now been removed. but that doesn’t fix the cancer itself. is skinner going to have to bargain with CSM? whatever CSM wants, it clearly isn’t money- so what could skinner even give him? my guess would be deactivating the x files in exchange for what will save scully, or maybe firing mulder entirely to keep him off of the trail of his nefarious alien deeds. or perhaps something even more evil, like access to one of those mars rocks with the oil aliens in them, or maybe someone important assassinated, maybe a coup in the syndicate (is that what their little UN alien groupchat is called? i saw it when i looked something up once).

man, skinner’s role in this was brief but substantial. what is he going to do? what sort of deal is he willing to make? i really really need to get into exploring the dynamic between the three of them more. it’s fascinating. how he won’t let mulder make the deal, but he’ll do it himself… he must really care for them a lot more than he lets on. 

oh my god. scully is gonna keep fighting…. <3

i really, really loved this episode. in fact, i’m positive that it will dethrone the blessing way and take that episode’s place in the top 15. this is an IMMENSE compliment. i still laughed a little despite the soul crushing sorrow, which i think is a sign of masterful writing.

i think this episode really really understood mulder and scully as characters. mulder with his need to chase to the ends of the earth to find the Truth, his need to put a smile on her face, his tenderness when it comes down to it, and scully with her bravery, attempting to keep herself strong for others while grappling with the metaphysical implications of dying, rejecting that conclusion after her own soul searching, and despite being busy with wrapping her head around this devastating news, she was still taking the time to bring comfort to penny. the complimentary needs to Protect and to Heal between them. it’s always going to get me.

you know that post i made about either jumping up and down or throwing my laptop in a river over their dynamic? THIS is jump up and down territory, baby.

i have a feeling that what comes next will not be easy, but i hope it brings great truth, and a delicate balance of love and angst. 

i’m curious to know what people think of how scully’s diagnosis is depicted. i’m sure we’re going to get more into it so i don’t want to jump the gun yet, but i’d be interested to know if her depiction gave a sense of visibility to people dealing with cancer, or if they think the episode/arc as a whole missed the mark. is it empowering to see someone make the conscious effort to keep fighting? is it offensive to think of cancer as something given to you by secret government plot? or was it such a relief to see someone going through the same thing as you no matter if it’s origins were more exotic than in life? where will they go from here in terms of how she handles it? 

i’d be really interested to read how people with cancer view her story. i’m sure someone out there has written on it; i’ll have to take a look someday when i’m not dodging spoilers.

the other thing i'm wondering about is the reaction to the alien breeding program reveal. it definitely speaks to the concerns over bodily autonomy and reproductive injustice that are increasingly relevant issues. i don't think it is supposed to make me feel comfortable, but it definitely succeeded at making me feel uncomfortable, if you catch my drift. something about those women being violated and losing all agency over themselves as a plot point rubs me the wrong way. and i think it is supposed to, but i'm not sure to what extent. idk, you just wouldn't see that happening to mulder's character, you know? it wouldn't be his bodily autonomy violated. it's as if we're so used to it happening to women in real life that it can easily become a plot point in science fiction, as if that just comes with the gendered baggage of being alive when you have ovaries-sometimes the aliens will harvest them. how does that speak on the way these writers see women as a whole? i'm unsure. but we have time to think it over.

my heart is a bit battered and bruised to see scully suffering so, but it is healing in knowing that they will have each other, and a renewed commitment to keep chasing the truth. and i am gonna go like idk claw at a pillow now to cope.

and then they all lived happily ever after. amen.

[canadachildvol2]

Wish rewrite ✨ pt.1

Everyone and their grandma has done a rewrite of "Wish," but I couldn't help myself. I've seen the concept art and have watched an array of video essays dissecting what went wrong with the final product and my imagination went wild (as it often does with movies that had so much potential yet failed to deliver).

Full disclosure: I'm not a songwriter nor am I an expert on music theory, so when it comes to the songs in this rewrite, I'm just gonna give a general idea of what they're about and what happens.

With that out of the way, let's get into part 1 of my own "Wish" rewrite! And I'm in no way proclaiming this to be the superior version; I'm just sharing what I came up with like a lot of you have. I've also included a visual of my Asha redesign, which I hope you like. <3

(Also tagging @annymation :) )

-

First and foremost, I'm torn between this version either being completely 2D-animated or just Star (specifically in his normal magical form) and his magic being the only things 2D-animated. You can envision it however you like.

Book prologue: Like the movie, this opens with a storybook. However, it's in live-action. A narrator (perhaps a Disney Legend, like Mary Costa, Kathryn Beaumont, etc.) tells the backstory of how Rosas became a literal magical place:

“Once upon a time, there was a small island kingdom called Rosas. Surrounded by crystal waters and nestled beneath an endless sky. One day, the king gathered his subjects to make an important announcement: through magic, he had found a way to grant wishes! And since then, the people looked to their magnificent king to make their deepest desires come true.

This magic was passed down to the royals that followed, and in this time, the people continued their undying devotion to their extraordinary leaders.

Over the years, boats came from far and wide, carrying those who wanted to see this magic up close, as well as those who sought to live in Rosas. And our story begins with the docking of one of these boats…”

Introduction to Asha/Rosas; “Welcome to Rosas”: A group of newcomers excitedly wait to enter Rosas and this is where we meet Asha. "One... two... three," she mumbles - as if preparing for a performance - before stepping out in front of the group. Bubbly and all smiles, she introduces herself as their tour guide and ushers them into the kingdom. This version of “Welcome to Rosas” not only explains the rules of the kingdom regarding wishes (giving wishes at age 18 [it's mandatory], how the wishing ceremony plays out, only one wish is granted each month due to the large amount of magic needed, etc.) but it also highlights how hardworking and dutiful the citizens are. Additionally, it mentions that Rosas was once a land in disarray, but the magic of wish-granting led them to prosperity. While there’s an upbeat tone to the song, there is an almost sinister undertone that’s lost on the newcomers (and to us, the audience, if we don’t pay too much attention). I should quickly point out that people don't forget their wishes after giving them to Magnifico like they do in the movie. They just no longer have the motivation to pursue their wishes themselves.

Design note: Asha is the only person in Rosas wearing orange, thereby making her stand out from the largely blue, purple, and grey colour palette (much like how Belle is the only person in her village wearing blue). click the image to see more outfit details

Meeting Dahlia and other townspeople: After Asha leaves the group to let them enjoy the sights, her bubbly persona immediately disappears and her true nature is revealed. Levelheaded, composed, a touch cynical. A realist. This personality is shown as she interacts with some of the townsfolk (moreover, this scene alludes to what some of them have wished for). She takes a bag of fruit to Dahlia, her best friend and a talented baker. She’s cheerful, idealistic, and tends to stumble over her words when excited or stressed (a nod to Doc from “Snow White” along with her character design). Like the rest of Rosas, she thinks highly of the king and queen. In exchange for the fruit, Dahlia presents Asha with a birthday cake for her grandfather. This scene showcases Dahlia’s desire to become the castle baker someday and that she thinks her work needs to be perfect to get that position (even though her work is already amazing). We are also introduced to Simon, who comes by to pick up an order for delivery. He’s a few years older than Asha and Dahlia and is already showing the same level of exhaustion as most of the other adults. He wants his wish granted so badly that he’s willing to work hard and impress the king and queen no matter what. He's secretive about what his wish is.

"Welcome to Rosas (reprise)": As Asha walks home with the cake in a box, she looks at the citizens around her. This time, we’re seeing life in Rosas through her eyes rather than those of the awestruck newcomers. “Welcome to Rosas (reprise)” brings to the forefront how exhausting, unfair, and almost cult-like (i.e. the people’s intense adoration of the king and queen) everything is, while also insinuating the crux of Asha’s personal journey: she doesn’t have hope.

Meeting Sakina and Sabino: Asha arrives home to find Sabino asleep in a chair by the window. She smiles at him; a big, loving smile. Up until now, her smiles have either been small, fake (for her job), or just smirks. She gently wakes him up and he tells her he was dreaming about one of his artworks coming to life. “In a few hours, it may actually happen,” he says with a hopeful grin. She bites her tongue so as not to bring his cheerful mood down with a "Let's be realistic" comment. Soon after, Sakina enters the house carrying a basket of fresh fruit and looking tired. Asha takes the basket from her, fussing over how exhausted she looks. ("Mama, you shouldn't be doing all this work by yourself!") Sakina says that she’s fine, but Asha’s worries aren’t placated. Eventually, the trio sit down to enjoy the cake. Sakina laments the absence of Asha’s father, which prompts Asha to fiddle with her silver bracelet.

Wishing ceremony: We finally see King Magnifico and Queen Amaya in all their glory. They are regal, stunning, and tower over the people of Rosas in more ways than one. Still, when 18-year-olds and new residents approach the king on stage to give their wishes to him, he presents himself as an affable man. The cultish vibes that have so far been subtle are made much more apparent in this scene, complete with chanting, cheering, and bowing in a way that demonstrates complete submission. Sabino and Sakina wait with bated breath to see whose wish will be granted, while Asha remains less optimistic. She holds her grandfather’s hand reassuringly when the announcement is made. It’s not him. While not nearly as surprised or devastated as Sabino is, his disappointed reaction still breaks Asha’s heart. So much so that it encourages her to do something drastic.

Asha learns the truth: Sakina and Sabino head home while Asha makes her way to the castle entrance. She overhears the guards tell other people that the king and queen aren’t seeing anyone right now and reinforcing a specific rule: “commoners aren’t allowed in the palace.” Not to be deterred, Asha finds another way in. She’s distracted from her objective of ambushing the king and queen by the sight of the castle’s interior. It’s beautiful; unlike anything she’s ever seen. It's as if it were made of crystals, like the waters surrounding their island. Reflective surfaces are adorned on almost every section of the walls. Curiousity gets the better of her and she ascends the staircase to the highest room in the building. After brief hesitation, she enters and finds that it’s the room that houses the wishes (the general look of this room is about the same as how it is in the movie). Her wonderment is interrupted by the sound of Magnifico and Amaya outside. Thinking quickly, she hides in the balcony running along the upper part of the room. It’s here that she witnesses something horrifying: Magnifico taking a couple of the wishes in his hands and crushing them. This is how he gets his powers. He and Amaya laugh at how these people will be waiting forever for their wishes to be granted. ("They will work themselves to death, never knowing that their wishes, their dreams, will never come true.") Furthermore, Asha learns that Magnifico is already very powerful and doesn't need a whole month to garner enough energy to grant a single wish. After the couple leave, Asha sneaks back out.

Warning Sakina and Sabino: Asha rushes home and tells Sakina and Sabino about what she saw. Obviously they don’t believe her and an argument ensues. They can’t understand why she’d speak ill of the king and queen, and she’s trying so hard to plead her case. At one point, she accidentally hurts Sabino’s feelings by saying that realistically speaking, the odds of his wish being granted are slim to none. She feels awful about what she said and she tries one last time to convince them. Sakina gently but firmly tells her to stop and “When you’re older, you’ll understand.” Asha is left stunned and alone as Sakina tends to a tired and upset Sabino. Overwhelmed, she leaves the house and runs into the woods. She's trying so hard not to break down.

“This Wish”: This version of the song, much like in the movie, sees Asha wish for a way to help Rosas. However, it also conveys her internal struggle of letting herself feel some semblance of hope for the first time in a long time. She initially pulls back and scoffs at the idea of wishing on a star or even believing that things in Rosas will change, but as the song goes on, she caves into what her heart is telling her as opposed to what her head is telling her. It’s worth noting that each time she considers wishing on a star, it’s instigated by her looking at her bracelet. Akin to “Part of Your World,” after so much build-up, the song ends on a soft but powerful note where Asha finally wishes on a star (she still has serious doubts, but there's a sliver of cautious optimism shining through).

pt.2 / pt.3 / pt.4 / pt.5

[mooncaps]

I do enjoy being pandered to with nostalgic imagery, but it also would've been neat to get something brand new.

What an absolute delight to see Hotaru happy after all these years of grim duty and tragedy.

More nostalgia.

Okay, I think I ship this. Unless they're supposed to be siblings, but they seem extra cuddly. I feel like I rarely know in this franchise when the cousins are actually lesbians and when the devoted and emotionally intimate men really are brothers even in the original. The 90's dub left lasting doubt in me.

This affected me a bit.

This also stirred something in me, which caught me by surprise.

And this affected me a lot.

If I'm being honest, I don't think my deepest heart is truly awake enough to fully appreciate this, but I definitely enjoyed it.

I'm probably gonna need repeat viewings, supplemental materials, and meta analysis to fully understand all of the details. The time travel seems to be a confusing mix of Back to the Future rules and Trunks rules.

I'm thankful that the story was able to be finished at all, but I still would've preferred seasons over movies. There's something to be said for that time spent between episodes, dangling on a cliffhanger, hyping and theorizing about what's to come, as well as for the time spent falling in love with the character and transformation music as it repeats each week.

Yasuharu Takanashi has definitely left a lasting impression on me. I caught half an episode of Boruto that my mom and step-dad were watching and immediately both recognized his style and enjoyed the score. And I definitely loved his work in Cosmos, even though I'm realizing that having time to sit with the music between episodes and hear certain themes repeat lets me savor the flavor even more.

Then there's also the time to let story beats breathe and the time to let characters make more of an impression.

It's been about ten years of hoping to see the missing Animamates fully realized, and most of them got the approximate screen time of a 90's monster-of-the-week (or less.) And I'm assuming their roles weren't very big in the manga (I can finally let myself read that now!) either, like how the Spectre Sisters had smaller roles in the Black Moon Arc than in the 90's counterpart, but I still feel like even they had a bit more presence than most of the Animamates got in this movie. Maybe it's more due to the time in between with the fandom making posts and art than the actual screen time, but either way I don't feel like I got enough of them.

At the end of the day we got what we got and I'm still grateful for it. When I first got on Tumblr in 2011, Crystal hadn't even been announced. As far as any of us knew, the 90's anime was all we would ever get and those manga-exclusive characters and scenes would forever stay in the manga. I remember the hype for this. I remember the bickering about this. I remember when we weren't even sure if the third and fourth arcs were going to happen at all, let alone the fifth. I remember the long and bumpy ride it's taken to finally get here. (Much as I've come to appreciate a little time between installments, ten years for five arcs is perhaps too far in the other direction.) This franchise had already given me a lot of memories and the last ten years with this reboot series have made even more.

I look forward to binge-rewatching the series as a whole, probably the English dub next time. It's gonna feel weird not having a new installment of this reboot to look forward to anymore. I'm really not sure how to process that fact right now.

[agentnico]

Blue Eye Samurai - Season 1 (2023) Review

Don't think I've ever seen so much human genitalia in animated form all in one go. Makes me wonder if the production team had a designated animator of genitals who literally just spent his time drawing penises for the show. If so, I hope it was Jonah Hill as he already proved in Superbad that he is the perfect artist for this subject.

Plot: Driven by a dream of revenge against those who made her an outcast in Edo-period Japan, a young warrior cuts a bloody path toward her destiny.

Netflix consistently hashes out so much content every week, that it is hard to keep up with any of it, as such many great projects get missed and are forever lost in the streamer's endless library void. Luckily Blue Eye Samurai didn't pass my scrolling and evidently has its fan base, as this is one of the quickest examples of the streaming giant announcing a season renewal after release. Yep, Blue Eye Samurai will be getting a second season which is amazing as this is a superb new series that if you haven't yet discovered then you are doing yourself a disservice and should amend that behaviour immediately and go watch it! Still need persuading? Alright, sit yourself down and allow me to gush about Blue Eye Samurai!...

It’s hard to overstate just how stunning Blue Eye Samurai is to look at. The series uses a mix of 2D and 3D animation styles to create landscapes and characters who seem only a few degrees removed from live-action, even as the form allows for combat on a scale that would cost several large fortunes to craft with flesh-and-blood actors. In fact, looking at the behind-the-scenes the team hired an actual martial arts choreographer to support in creating the combat sequences in real life with real people, and then the movements of those fights were transferred to animation and used in the final product. In one episode (seemingly inspired by the 1978 martial arts film Enter the Game of Death where Bruce Lee had to fight his way up to the tower to get to the last floor) the main samurai Mizu must defeat multiple bosses on each level of the season's big bad Fowler’s impregnable fortress home, and each separate battle is a work of art in itself. Honestly, the show just looks like a moving painting, with every frame absolutely jaw-dropping gorgeous. Even without dialogue or characterization, it would be completely engrossing.

Luckily, writers Michael Green and Amber Noizumi are as interested in the people at the center of these crazy fights as they are in the many improbable techniques Mizu uses against her opponents. Mizu is presented throughout as both supernatural and deeply human. She can handle any odds, and come back from every injury that would cripple or kill a normal person. But the series never loses sight of what a life wholly devoted to revenge has cost her, and the ways in which she has turned herself into every bit the monster that her countrymen believe her to be.

It is then also the exploration of how Mizu interacts with the other characters in this world. There's the disabled would-be apprentice Ringo (played warmly by Masi Oka), who has learned to navigate life despite his lumbering size and lack of hands. Mizu has no interest in a sidekick, but Ringo gradually wears her down, as if he’s a peaceful stream flowing against a rock over hundreds of years. There's also Taigen (Darren Barnett), a warrior chasing after Mizu to collect a debt of honour, yet due to this honour he ends up helping her as in his eyes only he has the right to kill her, no one else, so ends up attacking those that attempt to harm her. Brenda Song voices the princess Akemi, who is just as eager to escape the bonds of Edo society as Mizu is, but who uses very different methods to achieve that. We follow her journey through an intimate tour of the area brothels, which is where the aforementioned heaviness of nudity comes in. There is, in fact, a lot of naked flesh on display throughout the season. The series can be just as graphic in depicting sex as it is in violence, yet both avoid feeling gratuitous. And finally, there's Kenneth Branagh as this season's big bad Fowler, a despicable arms dealer who has no sense of morality or empathy and is willing to destroy anything standing in his path. He's a massive presence and seemingly the only one able to hold himself in a fight against Mizu, hence why Branagh's British snark yet heavy tone fits perfectly here.

The whole thing is an incredible, utterly badass example of how animation can be used to create worlds, characters, and adventure every bit as vivid as live-action if not more at times. Even though I would say there are a few areas of pacing issues, which withheld me from binging this season all in one go and instead had me taking regular break intervals throughout, this is still a stellar show and one that you can tell was created by a team of passionate filmmakers and artists. Blue Eye Samurai would never have had the impact it did had it been live-action - using animation as its storytelling medium elevated it to a masterpiece in my opinion. Kudos to everyone involved in such an amazing project and I can’t WAIT to see more!

Overall score: 8/10

[random-introverted-blog]

okay so, Sharran dream:

Me and my IRL best friend (henceforth referred to as Best Friend) were somehow new initiates in the church of Shar. We were thoroughly brainwashed and fully on board with Sharran doctrine. This is where the dream started and I have no idea how we ended up here in the first place, but that is presumably due to Mirror Shenanigans.

We and a bunch of other initiates had to go through a series of trials to prove our faith, and at the end we'd be allowed to commune directly with Shar for the first time and be accepted as full members of the church. I was absolutely ecstatic at the prospect of having direct contact with Lady Shar and I'm pretty sure Best Friend was also looking forward to it.

I don't remember the trials themselves but I think they were supposed to be based on a simpler, easier version of the Justiciar trials in the game, and there was also some kind of exam that tested our religious knowledge.

We get to the last trial and they tell us that everyone is going to be paired off. Each pair will have to fight a duel, and whoever survives gets to meet Shar. They didn't announce the pairings right away but just the possibility of having to fight Best Friend was too much for me, and I needed to back out.

So I go to Mother Superior Shadowheart and tell her that I don't think I'm ready, and that I need to train more before I'm worthy. She looks at me for a second and goes, "Ah, I see. You fear loss." I immediately realize that I have just royally fucked myself and Best Friend, and I'm like "uh...no I don't." (Deception check: critical fail) And I said actually I don't want to back out after all, never mind forget I said anything. And she says something to the effect of "No, you're right, you're not worthy yet. I will arrange a lesson for you."

I am now P A N I C K I N G and I figure there's no point beating around the bush and maybe I can logic my way out of this so I tell her that killing Best Friend would be a waste because he's a loyal and devoted servant of Lady Shar and the church needs people like him. But of course Shadowheart's response is that making me kill him is worth it if it teaches me to truly embrace loss, then she dismisses me. She was very calm for the whole conversation but by the end she had this sort of undercurrent of sadistic glee.

I'm kind of having a breakdown at this point and I go off by myself and pray to Shar, desperately begging her to not make me do this, but of course she doesn't answer. I know praying is pointless because this is definitely what she wants, but it's the only thing I can think to do and I'm terrified and heartbroken.

And then I woke up.

That sounds like a whole premise for a fanfiction if you wanted to write it. Would definitely be interested in reading something like this if you did. I can visualize scenes I read pretty easy, and hear characters/dialogue just as well. But I could almost perfectly envision the way you described Mother Superior Shadowheart in that dream, it was so in character.

I'm flattered and honored you believe it was my fault you had it! Thank you for sharing! RIP your best friend though... 👀

[boyslit]

(used a variety of pronouns for Huxley in this. Aeon pronouns are capitalized They.)

-

Huxley will talk if prompted about hir admiration for Asta (finds her brilliant and well-mannered, not to mention lovely in personality and looks) and Herta (appreciation of her genius and was drawn to working at the station because of her research and success with de-aging and manipulation of the human life span, but finds the cattiness unnecessary and distasteful).

But when asked about his own reasons for following the path of Abundance and research into human augmentation and improvement, the asker will find a door summarily slammed in their face.

Huxley does not speak about their previous field work on cosmic anomalies. No data remains on what terrifying existence devoured parts of aer body. Held captive in the freezing teeth of a ravenous entity and sure of her own impending death, Dr. Huxley sobbed out in mortal fear to whatever in the universe would listen.

"I don't want to die!"

Time itself seemed to freeze and several pairs of delicate, comforting hands surrounded them and lifted them from the space being's awful teeth. Huxley opened their eyes carefully and peered up at the serene face of The Abundance Themselves. Yaoshi gently brushed tears from Huxley's eyes. A voice like soft bells echoed through hir ears.

"There, there... you're safe now. You will not die while I look upon you, little one."

Huxley tried to thank Them, but most of what came out was a warbling whimper, a sob. Yaoshi cradled them to Their chest, sparing a smile for the shivering mortal, but bending and stretching the neck to peer closely at the damaged limbs. The anomalous beast had been severed by Yaoshi's interference, yet part of its mouth remained attached to two limbs. The Abundance passed a hand over the area where human met beast, forming a barrier and sealing the beast from devouring any more of what it was attached to. The entity warbled in frustration, but did not - or perhaps could not - release its hold. The two would be a part of each other from now, both parasitic and symbiotic.

The Abundance turned Their heated gaze on the ravenous maw lurking behind Their barrier and trapped the beast within a constricting orb. It would wither in hunger until it was released, sustained only by consuming and reforming itself ad infinitum.

Huxley watched this quietly, half-dazed from pain and fear and exhaustion, clutching like a mewling babe to the veil of The Abundance. She owed the Aeon her life. If she would be returned to the station, she would devote herself to the study of human life and improvement of human capability.

The Aeon turned Their sweet gaze to Huxley and smiled. (The mouth a mere facsimile; it twisted open like a seed pod.) "What a sweet thought. Yield to Me your devotion, and you shall wield My powers in your own hands."

There was nothing to think about. Huxley opened its heart willingly, immediately and The Abundance took root there, blessing this lowly mortal with Their powers of life.

"Be blessed with My gaze, little one, and walk confidently on My Path." Soft lips grazed his forehead.

The next instant, Huxley stood alone in the middle of their lab, eyes darting around curiously. There had been no feeling of transport—only being held in the warm arms of the Abundance one moment and standing in the chill air of their department's lab the next. The lab assistant stopped typing and turned in his chair curiously.

"Hux? When did you get here? I thought you went with Soris and everyone to investigate—hngk."

Huxley loomed over him, clutching his shoulder and turning him back to the computer. His eyes lingered on her inhuman hand, the void tendrils curling curiously towards him. "There is no data. No mission. Everything was destroyed. We will not speak of it, and no one is to set foot or solar fin in that sector of space again. Make the appropriate announcements. I need to call the team's family."

The assistant swallowed in dread, pulling up the relevant forms quickly. "You mean they're...?"

"I said everything was destroyed, Palmer."

"Oh, Aeons..." Huxley left Palmer to sniffle and type up the forms and announcements, and sat heavily at his own desk, reaching for the team directory. How unfair was it that they alone had snatched life from the jaws of death?

Huxley dialed the first number and studied the curious void tendrils rising from what used to be aer hand.

"Hello? ...Hux? I thought you guys were weren't going to be back for weeks."

"I just returned. I'm sorry, but there was an incident..."

[sweaterkittensahoy]

Your post about "don't shit on the south" re: Alabama abortion abruptly reminded me of the worst time I've ever dealt with people immediately assuming Southern = Bad. A very loudly out-and-proud classmate of mine, upon hearing that I'd primarily been doing community and economic development work throughout the Tennessee valley prior to grad school, asked me - completely seriously - how I felt about working to improve the lives of people who wanted queer folk to die as a queer person myself. I don't even remember what my response was other than "everyone deserves to have a good quality of life" because I was absolutely fucking flabbergasted she thought that was a reasonable or acceptable question to ask - especially since we had known each other for all of a week and I hadn't actually made any indication to her that I was in fact queer! Apparently my undercut and #vibes were enough for me to be labelled without my input.

Yeah, this has been an experience I've had with academic-types who hear I'm from Arkansas and are shocked I exist as a queer who doesn't want to burn down the state.

Like, maybe the problem is that you're stuck in the repeated media portrayals of all Southern people as dumb and haven't actually talked to any of them. Some of the most liberal folks I know are from my hometown.

And the way politicians who say they care about rural folks act is a major issue, too. I remember when Hilary said she wasn't going to "bother" with a lot of Southern states, and I went on a rant for DAYS. Like, lady, you are famously the wife of the FIRST PRESIDENT FROM ARKANSAS. WHO WAS WELL-LIKED. WHAT THE FUCK. Like, you literally just announced to every poor person in the country that you assume they're too stupid to like you. By just handwaving an entire fucking region that is KNOWN to have pockets of devoted, politically interested and politically savvy people who are looking for a sense of actually being treated like intelligent people.

I'm so proud of every single person who is fighting for the abortion rights of Arkansas people right now. Based on what I hear from my own fairly conservative family down there, it's tougher than it has ever been in my life to get people to listen to why it's needed. Because Arkansas IS red as fuck. No question. And it's loud red, you know what I mean? Like, holy shit, organizers for abortion rights got enough signatures for an 18 WEEK NO QUESTIONS ASKED POLICY WITH EXEMPTIONS AFTER THAT. Every single person who went out canvassing for that campaign should be making millions running political campaigns. Do you understand the walls they just climbed with their fingernails to pull that off?

Fuck anyone who dismisses whole states or whole regions or whole groups of people they don't fucking know a thing about. Every single person who worked on this ballot initiative is a fucking hero. And there's a whole lot of folks like them. Fuck. I wouldn't be surprised if the work Stacy Abrams did to turn Georgia blue is part of what got the group in Arkansas to get to work.

[this-is-a-name-dont-worry]

Werewolves of Quesadilla Island AU: "Personnages" roles

Angel:

Stuck on Earth, in a land of sinners, all the angel wants is to go back home... which won't be possible once the bloodbath starts. At the start of the game, before the very first night, a vote is organized, and the Angel must be killed there to win (ending the game immediately). If they don't, they become a simple villager.

->

‌Villager-villager:

This villager is so plain, they can't be anything but a villager. The card for this role has its two sides showing them as a villager. A certified innocent.

->

‌Two sisters:

These two sisters are close, and love to gossip. If one of them was a werewolf, she would have already told the other! During the first night, the sisters will identify each other, immediately innocenting each other. For the rest of the nights, they can silently agree to vote for one villager during the day

->

‌Three brothers: Morning Crew

The three boys grew together, and learned to trust each other with everything. So really, if one is a werewolf, surely he'd tell the other two! Same rules as the sisters apply

-> Let's be real, they would defend each other to the end of the Earth. It doesn't mean they're necessarily right

‌Stuttering judge:

Born in the city from a good family, his studies in law didn't bring him to the high position he hoped for despite excellent results, because of a simple issue of stutter. Instead, he obtained the role of judge in Thiercelieux. After the vote happens, they can ask for another one to start right after, making two deaths for that day.

->

‌Knight of the Rusty Sword: Étoiles

This old knight fought many battles in the past; nowadays, he still holds on his old rusty sword. If werewolves were to eat him, he'd fight with courage until his last breath, causing some deep cuts to his ennemies... cuts infected with rust. When the Knight is killed by werewolves, the werewolf sitting closest to them will be taken down the next day, killed by the rust.

-> Do I even need to explain. He's a knight he's a fighter and if he dies he WILL take down the ennemy with him. It's perfect.

‌Comedian:

An actor, they stopped at the village for a while. They can play the most tear jerking tragedy and the comedy that will make you hurt from laughing so much. They can play any role. Before the game, three cards with a special roles were chosen, and are kept at the center, visible to all. These are the three roles that the Comedian will get to chose between every night. Once a role is used, it is discarded.

->

‌Devoted servant:

A maid is always meant to be devoted to her master. But a maid can also grow ambition, or simply a desire to live a better life. When someone is announced dead, the Sevant can reveal her card and take the one of the dead for herself, becoming this role.

->

‌Fox:

The fox has a good sense of smell, is discreet, and doesn't ask much besides sometimes a chicken. Every night, the fox will chose a player. If this player or one of the player is a werewolf, the fox will be given a sign, and wake ul the next night. If all three are innocents, they won't wake up ag night anymore.

->

‌Bear show:

A man in town has a bear; and surprisingly, this bear offers one of the most graceful show in town. Extraordinarily, the bear also has a capacity to smell the werewolves around, which may be why the people of Thiercelieux loves it so much actually. In the morning, after the deads were announced, if a werewolf is sitting next to the bear, the game master will indicate it with a noise.

->

‌Awful sectarian:

This sad old man is a tragic tale of how hatred gets around. Hatred of the self turned to hatred of others, of the ones different from him. His mission: get rid of all the ones not like him. At the start of the game, two groups are formed, the difference between them being something easy to notice. The Awful sectarian will be part of one of those two groups, and will have to manipulate the votes to get rid of all the members from the other group.

->

‌Wild child: CodeFlippa

Abandoned as a baby, this child was raised by wolves in the woods, until the villagers found them and brought them back to civilization. Now somewhat acclimated, the call of the wolves tear at their hearstrings. On the first night, the Wild child will pick a player as a mentor. When this player dies, the Wild child will become a werewolf.

-> She can be your ennemy or your ally. Her mentor is Slime, and as long as she's with him, she has no reason to not play nice. But who knows what could happen if she lost him..?

‌Dog-Wolf: Codes

Dogs, loyal companions of man... as well as descendants from the wolves. Will this dog protect the village, or run wild in the wood? At the start of the game, the Dog-wolf decides if they want to be a villager or a wolf.

-> Seeing how they are presented as of now, they seem like pretty wild cards that work for the ones controlling them... but also are able to rebel, biting the hand that feeds

‌White werewolf:

A true lone wolf, they hate anyone, even their own kind. After eating with the werewolves, the white werewolf will wake up again, and decide to eliminate a werewolf or not. Their goal is to be the last one standing.

->

‌Big bad wolf:

Fear is powerful. A terrifying creature that came straight from fairy tales... and is VERY hungry. After eating with the werewolves, they wake up a second time to eat another victim. The only way to stop it? Killing it, or killing a role linked to werewolves.

->

‌Awful Father Werewolf:

The one who started it all. After centuries sleeping, it woke up... and wouldn't be against having a new werewolf family. After eating with the werewolves, the Father will wake up, and be given the chance to let the victim lives as another werewolf. This capacity can only be used once.

->

‌The medium:

This woman possesses a very special power: communicating with the dead. When the game starts, five cards of questions for the dead players will be picked. Every nights, the medium will have the opportunity to pick a card and have one of the question be asked to the dead players.

->

[the-firebird69]

Heroes (2017 Remaster)

These people have been oppressed forever and were made to be unintelligent by their masters the max it is a very different realm they are usually not as mean to each other but they are driven to it by the max and they have the max have a significant Force and armament that is made to take over Saturn Plus or and that's enough to take over Earth probably about a hundred times and it's a massive amount of firepower and their bases and their fleet and they're about to be activated no they're being pushed to it now we need ours to sign on we need a state of emergency declared we need public announcements to our people that the max are going to war it's really the only part of you have to worry about most of the time others can be quashed but their massive plan is going ahead and it's being pushed by the tunnels being attacked it's a great day it's a wonderful day but we don't have the manpower I don't want to devote all the manpower to the war and skip our projects and we can think of it that way if we have people working in factories they're going to hire their friends and families to work in science and we need it now I'm declaring a state of emergency throughout the universe because of the max these are most hated enemies it must be advertised that way

Zues Hera

I'm going to go ahead and publish this right now and I'm going to say it in my own way he wants me to do it first and mine and we will that and immediately

Thor Freya

We need to get this out

Olympus

[dragon-chica]

A Faithful Couple - Bruce Wayne x Batmom!Reader

A/N: All of Bruce's inebriated ramblings are directly from a dream about Bruce saying to me this morning. Do you have some kind of beef with Aquaman? I don't know. Is that, in the head of Bruce, just a logical course of action between his wife and Aquaman? I don't know??

I've seen a quite a few fics were Bruce cheats on Batmom. In my canon, this would never happen. This fic isn't going anywhere, it was just due to a dream.

Bruce Wayne was well known to be a playboy. It was to be expected of his status and good looks, (even though he's told you of his past partners and you're quite sure they wouldn't even fill both hands) and also an image he has cultivated to deter and Batman suspicions.

As such, even though you were very happily married and known to be as well in the public eye, many people expected Bruce to cheat on you.

A harsh statement but it wouldn't surprise in his high society class, and you marriage has never stopped anyone trying to flirt with or seduce your husband at functions.

Others believed he was in a relationship with Batman, or after an interview once, Superman. (rumors which you and your children loved to remind him of)

But aside from small bouts of jealously from time to time that you let fester only because you both enjoyed the passionate night it would bring, you didn't worry about the forward attention your husband received,

Despite his perfected façade, you knew how truly awkward Bruce was and often needed time to just relax and recharge with his head on your chest after a draining night at a gala.

Hardly a man you needed to be concerned about hooking up with a stranger in your own home's closet.

You knew how loyal and lovingly devoted he was to you, and you alone. Something he had shown you endlessly through your years together.

After all, you've seen Selina. After the first time of meeting her, and being the clear switched over target to her honeyed flirting, you wondered if it might happen, or if he might entertain the idea of her joining you both-

But, Bruce had never mentioned anything besides trying to stop his ex from attempting to steal you away, your flustered expression making his want to interaction to end immediately, so you dropped the short lived fantasy.

That never stopped you and Selina from flirting though. So much that Dick once asked you if Selina was going to be his stepmom too, you received a small glare from Bruce at that.

And after an argument with Bruce once, little Tim asked "When you divorce Bruce can I go live with you and Selina?" You found it so funny you forgave Bruce just to go tell him. He was not quite as amused.

Cheating was something neither you nor Bruce ever entertained the idea of, and were rather open with feelings to each other (though it took a bit of deciphering on your part).

So you were rather surprised with Bruce tonight.

It had been a long night, a long case, and he had had a few more to drink that he usually would.

You found your husband in his study, face down resting on his arm against the desk, one hand tapping idly against an empty glass of scotch.

You glide your hand soothingly across his hunched shoulders and it's visibly as he relaxes, tension seeping away at your touch.

He let out a tired groan before sitting up, leaning back against his chair and fixing you with a look that would be more fitting at a WE business meeting, if not for his slightly lolling head and unfocused gaze.

You gave an amused little hum and raised an eyebrow while he appeared to try collecting his thoughts for an important announcement.

"You will either fight with one of the Aquas, but it will quickly turn into a night of long awaited passion. Or Bruce will finally come clean and ask you about a threesome with the one Super."

Your husband took a breath and clasped his hands together before finishing his statement.

"Either way, Bruce will be supportive."

It took you a moment to collect yourself, an incredulous huff of laughter at your husband, speaking in third person mind you, who must have been thinking very hard on this if his face tells you anything.

"Okay Bruce, first of all, I'm not going to cheat on you," You grab one of his hands, tugging him out of his chair and motioning him to come with the other. "-But you want me to fuck Aquaman? Why is Arthur your dream choice for my hypothetical infidelity?"

You wrap his arm around your shoulder and carefully head toward your room, Bruce attempting to walk without falling asleep.

"...Anyone would be better than Oliver." Now you do snort at that,

"And if you wanted to talk to Clark about a threesome you could just say that Bruce." his cheeks tint a little pinker than the alcohol's effect at that, mumbling as you sit him on the bed.

You start to remove his shoes when you notice he's already fallen asleep half off the bed.

"We'll talk about this another day my dear."

Y/n, annoyed: "Fuck Aquaman."

Bruce, fully accepting self-proclaimed fate, nodding sagely :/ "Someday you will."

[the-lonelybarricade]

Hiii!! I've been following your work since the beginning and i just wanted to give u a big squeeze of a hug for blessing us with all of your fics 'cause i feel like we don't deserve u for blessing us with all these wonderful feysand content that u are sharing.

I hope all is well with ur life and in ur studies, and if it's not too much to ask, would you consider writing a feysand au where Feyre & Rhys aren't mates, but are happily in love and in a relationship--when all of a sudden, one of them meets their mate (preferably Rhys..?) or something like that 😚. Won't lie to u that im dying to know what events would play out and how Feyre would react if this scenario happened. Really no pressure to write this or anything just wanted to try my luck with this idea :DD. Thank u!

Bestie, ooof. What are you trying to do to me? Can you imagine how heartbreaking that would be for Feysand to be happy and in love, waiting patiently for the mating bond to snap only to find out they were star-crossed lovers all along? Well you don’t have to imagine it, because I already have. And if I’m going to be in torment over Feysand angst, I’m (affectionately) dragging you all down with me.

P.s. thank you for the submission lovely, I hope you enjoy <3

The Chains That Bind Us

Word count: 1,956

⟡⟡⟡

Feyre and Rhysand were happily married. For 300 years, they had basked in what seemed like an infinite stretch of rapture, working alongside and complimenting each other with a grace and chemistry that had always felt predestined. They had always been certain they were mates, but time had flowed on and neither had felt the inkling of that special, magic bond.

They have resigned that perhaps the mating bond will never snap, perhaps that’s simply not what they were to one another, but that was okay. It was enough to be husband and wife, to be High Lord and Lady, to be happy and in love. They didn’t need a mating bond to reaffirm what they felt for one another. Things were already perfect as they were.

Until they weren’t. Until they had journeyed together to Illyria to oversee the announcement of the first all-female battalion. It had been a long term goal of Rhysand and his brothers to finally battle back the long ingrained sexism of Illyrian culture, and the visit was meant to be a celebration. A liberating ceremony, in honor of their mothers and all the females who had been victims of prejudice.

But when the leader of the battalion stepped forward to be acknowledged for her accomplishments, Rhysand had gone rigid at Feyre’s side, his breathing suddenly ragged. His pupils were blown wide, eyes fixed, riveted to the female.

Feyre felt her whole world had imploded in that moment. Especially when that female’s eyes had met her High Lord’s and had frozen just the same, the two bearing matched expressions of awe and disbelief.

She was certain she was going to be sick. Such a thing would be far from befitting of a High Lady, so Feyre had immediately winnowed back to their River House, back into their bathroom where she was instantly emptying the contents of her stomach into the toilet bowl.

Rhysand was there not too long after, holding back Feyre’s hair. They said nothing to each other, not until Feyre had recovered enough to turn and face her husband.

She was entirely unprepared for the way her heart shattered to meet his face, to meet those lovely eyes she had loved for centuries. Eyes that had only moments before been staring at another female with so much blind devotion it had torn her open.

“Feyre—” he started.

“I suppose we should have assumed that something like this could happen,” she interrupted, because she couldn’t bear to hear him apologize. Not for something like this, something that was entirely out of either of their control.

“It doesn’t change anything,” he insisted, but there was a strain to his voice that had never been present before. A bite that Feyre was convinced was the result of Rhysand battling against his instincts to return to Illyria, to that female.

“It changes everything, Rhys.”

She was already weeping as she choked the words out, because speaking them made them true. Those few centuries of bliss between them, they were a bubble, a perfectly crafted delusion that had finally popped.

“I love you,” Rhys seethed, as though arguing with himself. “I don’t even know that females name—”

“It doesn’t matter, Rhys. She’s your—”

“Don’t say it,” he begged, his voice a broken rasp. “Please, don’t say it.”

Somehow, that made it impossibly worse. That Rhys had been gifted this incredible, Cauldron-blessed thing, but was scorning it for her sake. Most Fae dreamed of the moment their mating bond would snap, and here was her husband acting as if it was his worst nightmare.

But Feyre knew what it was like for males. She knew he was clawing against every instinct in his mind, screaming at him to go to his mate, to know her name, to claim her. Feyre stifled another sob. Rejected mating bonds could drive a male mad. How could she ever think to do that to him? How could she deny him this piece of himself?

What broke her heart more than anything is that Feyre knew he would. Rhysand would reject his bond, would let that intrinsic part of his soul be torn away, for her sake. If Feyre asked, he would stay. He would stay and be miserable.

“I can’t do this to you, Rhys. I can’t force you to stay with me out of duty. I will not be your jailor.”

“You are my wife,” Rhys choked, reaching for her hand. He drew her palms to his face, allowing her to caress his cheeks. He shut his eyes as he nuzzled into her touch, causing his unshed tears to fall, racing down to collect at her hands. “You are my High Lady. You are the only one I want to be with.”

That wrecked another sob through Feyre’s body, which came out as a harsh exhale as she tried to restrain it. “You’d be a broken male without her, Rhys. The Cauldron—” she sucked in a strangled breath. Some truths were just too difficult to confront— “The Cauldron didn’t intend for us to be together.”

“Damn the Cauldron,” he growled, reaching for her with newfound conviction. “No one and nothing can decide who I love. No one can tell me that you are not who I belong with—who I belong to.”

Feyre allowed him to bundle her in his arms, to press her fiercely against his chest. She knew moments like this were fleeting, where they could hold each other as husband and wife. Already, their love was tarnished. Tainted. Blood spilled onto white snow. How long would it take for this mating bond to seep, to spill into the cracks, to spread until it consumed them? She couldn’t see an outcome where they could stay together unblemished, where they wouldn’t come to resent one another.

“Rhysand, listen to me love,” Feyre said, and found that her voice was steadier than she anticipated. “I care more about you being happy than I care about that happiness being found with me. Do you understand?”

“I would not be happier without you, Feyre.” His voice was ripe with earnesty. When she turned those eyes to meet his, those violet depths were burning, the silver constellations completely eclipsed by molten amethyst. He swallowed thickly. “Do I… want that female? Yes.” Feyre cringed to hear her husband admit it outloud. “But, that is just my instincts. I will be able to manage them with time. This bond is nascent. My love for you? It’s endured for centuries. The cauldron is not faultless; my parents were mates and they were miserable together. I could never imagine someone so perfect to walk beside me as you, Feyre. I do not seek another, no matter what fate has to say for it.”

Feyre allowed the comfort of his words to wash over her. She rested her head against Rhysand’s shoulder, inhaling his familiar scent, letting herself lavish in the rhythm of him, the beat of his heart steady in his chest.

“I will understand if you change your mind,” she whispered. “I do not hold you to your vows. If you become unhappy, if one day you cannot resist the pull you feel towards her… I will not hold it against you. I give you permission to… to leave me.”

Rhys let out a small, rueful laugh before he pressed a tender kiss to her temple. “How could I desert a love that is so selfless? The least I could do in the wake of such a declaration is promise to never see that female again.”

Feyre shook her head emphatically. “Don’t promise me that, Rhys. Just—just promise me that we’ll always be honest with each other. That we’ll always be a team, whether it be as rulers, or as lovers, or… or just as friends.”

“I promise,” he swore. “I vowed on my court and crown that I will love you for eternity. And I still know that to be true, even now. My soul… it might belong to someone else. But my heart, Feyre, it will always belong to you.”

There was something irreparably changed between them. They both knew it, could sense the way it lingered between them. The first crack, and possibly not the last. What they had was fragile now, but they had a gift for being delicate with one another.

The silence hung between them, a wretched, discomfiting presence that had never been there before. Both not quite sure what to say, not quite sure where this put them. She watched Rhysand’s lower lip quiver, understood that it was from the strain of not burdening her with his own turmoil over the situation.

Feyre tutted as she threw her arms around him, recognizing the signs of his crumbling. Rhys bowed his head in shame, burying his face into her chest.

“I’m sorry,” he gasped against her, releasing a sob of his own. “I’m sorry it couldn’t have been you. I wanted it to be you. I’m a failure of a husband, for putting you through this.”

“You are an excellent husband,” Feyre protested, threading her fingers through his hair soothingly. Her voice was still raw. “I don’t blame you for this, Rhys. I love you just the same.”

He lifted his head so their tear-stained faces were level. His eyes were red-rimmed and puffy, still glistening in silver. “What do we do now?”

They clung to each other so tightly, as if they pressed hard enough they could redirect fate, could mold their souls together and correct the misdeed of the Cauldron.

“I don’t know,” Feyre answered, burying her face in his shoulder as if it would hide her from the truth of the world. “I suppose we have no choice but to keep going. We’ll find our footing again. Together. And if we don’t… well, maybe we can wish on the stars.”

There was a huff of air at her ear. A laugh, she guessed, or something like it, something wry and humorless. Rhys moved underneath her, and Feyre pulled away to watch in confusion as her husband rose to his feet.

He extended his hand towards her. Curious, Feyre accepted, allowing him to pull her to her feet. In a blink, they were on the rooftop, beneath the stars. She hadn’t even realized the sun had set until she was staring up at the impossibly bright cosmos.

“Where better to find our footing than under those very stars?”

She turned to him, and Rhys was staring at her the way he had on starfall, all those centuries ago. Staring at her as if she were the brightest star in the sky, as though he looked to Feyre to cast his wishes.

“Will you dance with me, wife?”

Not convinced she was capable of speech, Feyre nodded. Using the hand he still held, Rhys twirled her into his arms. And though no music played, they found their own rhythm, lost in the cadence of each other, spinning endlessly under the stars.

As they swayed under the endless expanse of sky and starlight, Feyre mused how even the brightest of stars eventually burned out, but that didn’t make them any less worth wishing on. That didn’t mean they weren’t worth fighting for.

⟡⟡⟡

[imaginationintowords]

Folklore [song series]

epiphany

Modern Day AU! Bucky Barnes x Natasha Romanoff; Steve Rogers x OC!Reader

Plot: Inspired by Taylor Swift’s new album Folklore. The story follows the timeline of Bucky and Elizabeth’s life throughout the years

[warnings: death]

word count: 3168

Age: 21 Year: Sep. 2015 Location: Brooklyn, NY

"So I was thinking, godparents," Bucky spoke up. He and Natasha were currently finishing setting up the baby's nursery in their new apartment.

They had found a nice two bedroom apartment in Brooklyn, much to Natasha's dismay. Bucky thought it was the perfect place to start their new little family. It was also about a 20 to 30 minutes drive to Bucky's work and University campus. His mom and stepdad had even offered to help them out financially for a bit, just as long as Bucky continued on his path to graduate with his Masters in Music Technology in the Spring.

Bucky had managed to finish his bachelor's and masters program in just the span of 4 years, a whole year earlier than originally planned. He was proud of himself, if there's one thing he hadn't screwed up yet, it was his education. He had fully devoted himself to his education the last four years and it clearly paid off. He had also managed to get a good paying job at a studio as an engineer. He had his whole future all planned out, the pregnancy might've been a curve ball at the beginning but with the help of his family and therapist, he was handling it all so well.

"Oh you don't need to worry about the godparents, I have it all figured out already," Natasha tells him as she folds baby clothes, "I picked Abigail and Dylan."

Natasha on the other hand had decided to put her education on hold. Deciding she wanted to be a stay at home mom, Bucky constantly made sure that that's what she wanted. And she insisted every time that she was "made to be a stay at home mom". So Bucky had to reluctantly allow her to make that decision. 

Which was one of the reasons why his parents had offered to help out for at least the first year or two, they had known their son was already stressing about finances, and trying to respect Natasha's decision. They figured two years would be a good enough time for the couple to build up their savings.

Bucky didn't like the fact that his parents were helping out with money, but he knew him and Nat wouldn't have been able to make it just on is current income alone. At least not until after he graduated, his boss had already promised a raise once he graduated, but that wasn't until May and the baby was due in the next two weeks.  He promised to pay his parents back every cent they gave him, but they told him to just focus on being a good father.

"Abigail and Dylan?" He questioned.

"Yeah," she shrugged her shoulders.

"The same Abigail and Dylan that showed up to the baby shower high, and proceed to get drunk, because and I quote 'babies are so boring'. That Abigail and Dylan?"

"Come on James, they were just joking, plus baby showers aren't necessarily the most fun thing in the world," she rolled her eyes.

"Can we at least each choose one godparent?" He suggested, "You can have Abigail as the Godmother and I can choose The Godfather."

"Like Sam?"

"No, not Sam. Steve," Bucky tells her.

"Oh, then no," she simply said, turning her back to him to continue putting clothes away.

"What's your problem?" Bucky asks annoyed, finally having enough of her attitude, "This entire pregnancy you've been against everything I've suggested."

"Hey, you got to choose Brooklyn," she turned around pointing her finger at him.

"Yeah because I couldn't fucking afford Manhattan Natasha," he stressed, trying not to raise his voice at her, "You didn't want to know the gender of the baby? Fine. You get to name the baby? Fine. You choose the color scheme of the nursery, fine. You choose the hospital. You choose the apartment. God damn Nat, I haven't done a single thing but pay for everything."

"And I thank-you for that," she rolled her eyes.

"But you don't," he shakes his head in disbelief over her reactions, "You haven't thanked me once. I get that you're carrying our child, and I'm appreciative of that. But god damn Natasha, show me some respect. Show my family some respect!

"You didn't thank my mom, Rebecca, or Keith for everything they've done for you. For us. And I can't keep making up excuses to defend you," he raises his voice a little bit.

"If this relationship is ever going to work, you need to be respectful. You need to stop being so selfish. I get this isn't easy for you, but trust me, this isn't easy for me either. But I agreed to do this. I am stepping up. I want to be a part of my child's life. And I want us to be together and be family," he calms down, "But if you continue to act this way. I won't stay in this relationship."

"You're just going to abandon us?" Natasha asks grabbing her belly, suddenly realizing the reality of the situation.

"No, I won't abandon you both. But we won't be together," he explains, "I will always be in my child's life. I will always be there for them. I'm not going to put my child through the same thing I went through growing up. I promised myself I would never do that."

"So if that means that you and I break up, then so be it Natasha, I'll do it," he tells her, "My child will not grow up in a toxic household."

"Okay," she agrees, tears in her eyes, "I promise I will be better."

"Don't promise me Nat, just show me."

Two and a half weeks later Bucky found himself rushing an in-labor Natasha to the hospital, it was a quick k10 minute drive from their apartment. He quickly called his mom as the nurses wheeled Natasha away, with Bucky following.

Bucky's mom arrives within the next 10 minutes, as the nurses begin to prep Natasha in her hospital room.

Bucky sent a quick text to Steve and Sam, letting them know it was showtime and that he'll call them once the baby is here.

"How's Mama doing?" The doctor asked while entering the room, quickly taking her spot at the foot of the bed to examine Natasha.

"It hurts," Nat cried, as Bucky tried to soothe her.

"I know, but unfortunately you were too far dilated when you arrived, that it's too late for the epidural," the doctor softly explains, "But the good news is I feel Baby's head, so it's time to go."

Natasha looked over at Bucky, completely scared.

"It's okay," he assured her, "I'm right here. Everything's going to be okay."

He leaned down an placed a soft kiss to her lips, helping her relax a bit.

"Ready?" The doctor looks up at Natasha.

"Yes," Natasha nodded, grabbing a hold of Bucky and his mom's hands on either side of her.

10 minutes later, a soft cry was heard in the room. Bucky quickly glanced over to where the doctor was had finished pulling the baby out.

"Congrats Mommy and Daddy, it's a girl," she announced.

"A girl?" Bucky whispered in awe, tears filling his eyes. He looked over at Natasha, who looked a lot paler in color.

"Nat?" He called out for her.

Her eyes fluttered shut, her limbs went limp, and all the monitors started to go crazy.

The doctor quickly cut the umbilical chord and handed the baby off to an awaiting nurse.

"What's going on?" Bucky panicky asked.

"Get them out," the doctor told a nurse, ignoring Bucky's question.

A nurse quickly escorted Bucky and his mom out of the room.

"She's going to be okay right?" He asked his mom, tears streaming down his face.

"I don't know honey," she honestly said, wrapping her arms around her son. She never thought the first hug they shared after him becoming a father would be like this.

She continued to hold him, soothing him as she made silent prayers pleading for Natasha's safety.

10 minutes later. The same 10 minutes it took for them to arrive to the hospital. The same 10 minutes it took Natasha to bring their daughter into the world, the door opened.

Bucky quickly pulled apart from his mom to see the doctor walking out of the room.

The doctor's face was filled with sorrow. Bucky's mom immediately put her head down, already knowing the outcome.

"How is she?" Bucky asked.

"Mr. Barnes, Natasha had a postpartum hemorrhage, due to issues with her placenta," the doctor carefully explains, "Unfortunately, there was too much blood loss. We weren't able to save her. She died."

Bucky immediately broke down, his mom quickly caught him. The doctor placed a reassuring hand on his back.

He quickly pulled away after a couple of minutes, "The baby. How's the baby?"

"She's good. They took her to get checked just as a safety procedure," the doctor tells him, "She's on the pediatric floor. Would you like to meet her?"

"Yeah," he says, then pauses, "What about Natasha?"

"We can come get you to say goodbye once we get her cleaned," the doctor tells him.

"Okay, thank you," he says.

The doctor takes him and his mom to the pediatric floor. The walk was silent. No one knowing what to say. Bucky was no longer crying, but he felt numb the entire short walk. The doctor knocked quietly on a door, before opening.

"Doctor Monroe, this is Mr. Barnes, the baby's father," the doctor said, before stepping aside to let Bucky in, "Mr. Barnes, I'll have someone come get you when it's time."

"Okay, thank-you," he nodded his head.

"Are you ready to meet your daughter?" Doctor Monroe asked, Bucky nodded his head.

"Meet your Daddy baby girl," the doctor said, gently handing the baby over to Bucky.

Bucky looked down at the small baby in his arms. He was instantly overcome with so many different emotions. The doctor walked out of the room, while Bucky's mom watched from outside threw the window.

"Hi baby girl," he whispered, sniffling back his tears, "You're so beautiful. I'm your dad. And boy am I lucky that you chose me to be your Dad. I always imagined this day would've turned out a lot differently. But life sure knows how to throw some real curveballs."

"Your mom would've loved you," he paused, letting it all sink in. His daughter will have to grow up without a mother. No little girl should have to be without a mom.

"I'm so sorry," he cried, as the baby was lulled to sleep, "I am so sorry your mom won't be able to physically be here. I am so sorry you'll have to grow up without her. No one should have to grow up without a parent. And trust me, I know what that's like. But lucky for us, I had the greatest pleasure of being raised by the most strongest and kindest mother. She taught me everything I know. Your grandma is the best lady you will ever meet. Lucky for us because god knows we're going to be needing her a lot.

"But you and I are incredibly fortunate that we won't ever be alone. We have so many people who care about us. You'll have all the female leadership you can ever need. We can do this," he strongly said to the sleeping baby, "You and I. We can do this. And I promise you this, that no matter what happens, you will always have me. You're stuck with me for the rest of your life. My love for you is greater than anything, anyone I've ever loved. My love for you will always be easy and unconditional. You'll never have to prove your worth to me. You're worth more to me than you can ever possibly imagine. I love you."

Bucky placed a soft kiss to his daughter's forehead. The first kiss he will ever give her, but definitely not the last.

There was a soft knock at the door, he gently called for the person to come in.

His mom quietly opened and closed the door behind her, stepping to her son's side.

"She's beautiful," she smiled down at the little baby.

"She really is," Bucky beamed. He looked over at his mom and noticed she was holding a clipboard, "What's that?"

"Birth certificate," she tells him, "One of the nurses gave it to me. They said there's no rush to fill it out. You have time."

"Here, I can do that," he said gently holding the baby out for her to take.

"Are you sure?" She asked, switching with him.

"Yeah, I have a name anyways."

"What is it?" She looked over at the name written down:

Poppy James Barnes.

[flashback]

After that talk Bucky had with Natasha, he noticed a serious change in her attitude. She was beginning to be more relaxed and more selfless. Bucky felt a tiny weight lifted off his shoulder. Hoping that these changes in her personality would stay.

"So what do you think about James for a boy?" Natasha asked one night, as she and Bucky made dinner together in their small kitchen.

"For a middle name?" He asked confused.

"No, his first name."

"Oh," he paused, "I actually have never liked the idea of giving a child their parents' name. I feel like it doesn't really give them a chance to be their own person. If their parent is successful then they feel the stress of always having to live up to that. And if their parent is crap then they're forever stuck with that reminder of that person."

"That makes sense," she agreed, understanding where he was coming from,

"Then how about James for the middle name. Whether it's a boy or girl."

"I would actually really like that," he smiled at her, "I would like that a lot."

They gathered up their own plates, and sat at their small round table.

"So what other names have you come up with?" Bucky asked her as he took a bite of his chicken.

"Truthfully, I haven't found any good names. All the girls keep making suggestions and they're way too out there," she tells him, "I don't want them to have a name that's too hard to pronounce or spell."

Natasha's phone started to ring, Bucky got up to grab it for her from the living room. By the time he handed it over to her it stopped ringing.

"What kind of flower is that?" He asked her, noticing her phone's Lock Screen background.

"The California Poppy," she tells him.

"Why do you have that as your background?"

"Well my mom was actually from California," she says, "She met my Dad when they both went to Harvard. They fell in love, so she decided to stay out here on the East Coast.

"The only clear memory I have from her was all the stories she used to tell me about poppy season. How the color just made everything so lively. Her parents would take her every season. I remember seeing all the photos of her as a child surrounded by all the flowers. We looked a like as children," she fondly smiled,

"She always talked about taking me to go see them, but she and Dad were always so busy. Then she got sick and there just wasn't a way for us to go. My grandparents tried to get some out here but it was too late. I never did get to see the poppies."

Natasha was silent for a moment, letting what she said sink in. She's never told anyone that story before, the memory would always make her sad. But now sitting here with Bucky, pregnant with their child, for the first time in her life her mother's death didn't bring her such sadness. She could smile at the memory and know she had the utmost best time with her mother, even if it was short lived, she knew her mother loved her. And she can't wait to shower that love onto the baby inside of her, once they were out.

"We should go," Bucky says, "Once the baby is here we should go when it's poppy season. Plus it'd be nice seeing Steve and Liz's life out west."

"Yeah, that sounds nice," her eyes teared up, seeing how generous this man was in front of her, "I'd really love that."

"Poppy, that's cute," Winifred smiled.

"Yeah, Nat would've loved it."

"They said if you were ready, you can say your goodbyes," she carefully said.

"Okay, you're good with her?"

"Yeah. Do you want me to go with you? The nurses can watch Poppy."

"No. I'd feel much better if she was with family," he tells her, "I'll be fine mom. I can do this."

He gave her a kiss on the cheek before leaving the room.

"Take all the time you need," the nurse told Bucky, as she led him to the room Natasha's body was in.

"Thank you," he quietly said.

She opened the door for him, and he carefully stepped inside.

He walked closer to the body on the bed. He immediately started crying at the sight of her lifeless body.

"God Nat," he cried, "I am so sorry. We never even discussed the possibility of this ever happening. I never even thought of this happening. God I don't know how I am going to ever do this alone. I never imagined myself ever raising a child alone."

He takes a moment to catch his breath.

"She's beautiful Nat, so incredibly beautiful," he tells her, "I wish you would've been able to see her. Hold her. I'm going to make sure she knows everything about you. There's not going to be a day where she doesn't know about her mother."

"When poppy season arrives I'm going to make sure to take her. Every year," he wipes away a tear, "Oh, I also named her Poppy. For you. For your mom. I promise I won't let you down. She's going to have the best life ever. I'll make sure of that. Thank-you for everything you've given me. I truly did love you. Goodbye Natasha." _________________ Age: 22

Location: CA

Year: May 2016

The car comes to a stop, parking in a spot next to a bunch of other cars. Bucky, Liz, and Steve get out of the car. Steve and Liz grab a few things from the trunk, while Bucky gets the smiley baby out of the car seat. Bucky places the baby into the stroller, Steve had gotten out. The three of them began to walk towards the field of poppies.

"Wow, there's a lot this year," Liz says, "Do you want to take her out?"

"Yeah, I'll grab her," Bucky says grabbing Poppy.

He walked ahead of Liz and Steve, taking in the moment with his daughter.

"Look at all the poppies," he whispers to the almost eight month old. She had a huge smile on her face taking in the sight around her.

She was making some babbling sounds, as if to agree with her dad.

The weather was perfect. The sun shining down on them, it wasn't too hot or too cold. Bucky just stared at the flowers, with a peaceful feeling washing over him. The last few months haven't been the easiest, but he was making it. They both were making it. Being here, gave him the reassurance that he was doing good. He could feel Natasha's presence with him there. As if she was silently saying how proud she was of him.

"We're going to be fine," he said to Poppy, placing a kiss on her head.

[imagines-to-quench-thirst]

Misfit God and a mortal: Loki x Reader

Some Loki fluff with Frigga making an appearance in it. Enjoy ❤️

‘Y/n...’ 

‘That’s a lovely name.’ Frigga says happily reaching for her son's cheek caressing the cold skin. 'Invite her here. For the Banquet.' The glorious Banquet. A night full of joy, mead, laughter and unforgettable moments that imprints itself on each guest. An event that stood up for luxury clothes, drinks, and food. Something that couldn't be said about the guests. There are going to be royals and noblemen but only their clothes could enhance their shallow personality.

Loki walked into the very familiar building passing many employees waving with a small smile on his face. Opening the door of the highest office on the highest floor he sees his Y/n. Talking on the phone her white crisp suit made of the shiniest silk bounced off the glaring sun giving her the well-deserved halo.

'I don't like the sketches...I improved them and want your feedback by the end of the day... that's why I gave them an improvement....Jackson, just... send it.' placing the phone down with a faint thud letting her tired shoulder slump down. 'Penny for your thoughts, darling?' Y/n hesitantly turns around to see her Loki in front of her in his all-black suit. 'The suit looks great.' She spoke inching closer to Loki placing her hands on his chest 'Of course it is. You made it.' He leans down to kiss her lips feeling the chapped texture as his tongue sweeps into her mouth. Dragging his dove closer, his arms encircle her in a comfortable hug feeling the soft white silk pressed against his black suit. An angel and a demon. His angle and her demon.

Pulling his tongue back and then his lips he smiles inquiring 'Mother, wants to invite you to the Banquet. In 2 days.' Y/n looks up seeing his lips twitch in anticipation knowing just how much her job held her hostage 'I can-' she stops letting her eyes look to the side squinting quietly thinking '...Yeah... I think I could.'

Loki smiles brightly as he kisses her again 'Outstanding, love. It's official you are accompanying me to the Banquet.' Y/n nods at her Loki seeing the smile that could be only described as if it was taken from the happiest 7 years old child.

-----

Walking through Loki's room Y/n takes one of the hundreds or even thousands book plucking only a small skinny book laced with brown leather. Flipping the pages open her eyes fall on the polaroids photos 3 of them and each of them is Loki and Y/n looking in complete and utter love. Portraying just how much of a softy Loki is.

'I still can't believe you have a whole library in your room.' Y/n gasped out as Loki watched her curious hands touch each book picking which one he will read to her. Picking a dirty old book with a green leather cover she hands him as he arched a brow in question 'This one? This is a tale of Thor when he loses his hammer to the giants and has to go through a humiliating ordeal in order to get it back.' Loki spoke with a glorious grin appearing at the end of the sentence.

'What?!' Y/n stood next to him gobsmacked scrambling immediately 'Start reading it. I NEED to know.' Loki ushers her to the nearest chair letting her gown flow speaking over the wooden stool 'Our tale of Thor starts with an amusing laugh...' Loki stops as he looks at his lover 'from the God of Mischief his laugh-' 'Of course it was you.' Y/n butted into his sentence halting his speaking. 'As I was saying, the God of Mischief laughed malevolently as he watched Thor return with new news.'

(The name of the story is true, I googled it, but the words of the tale aren't I just made up the starting part just so you know)

'Loki, son.' a soft voice interrupted Loki. Frigga peaking into the chamber like a mother carefully announcing her presence so that her teenage son can successfully show off to his date. 'It's time.' she says leaving the two lovers alone.

'Darling, are you ready?' His voice asked behind her jeweled out back. Twirling to face him she asks looking down at her gown hints of green and gold (I know, predictable) flowing through the fabric tailing up to her chest as a gold metal belt held the puffy fabric in position. 'Marvelous. Solely marvelous.' Walking to her in his royal attire of green and gold he intertwines his arm with hers leading her towards the imperial feast already crammed with various guests.

Entering the Banqueting hall there was no shortage of food and drinks and entertainment. People accumulating in jewels and gold showing each other the superficial respect they deserved. That's what they thought. Holding Loki's forearm tightly she glances at him as he pushed the people in front of them making away to shift. 'Are you alright Y/n?' Loki asked his lover standing next to a hallway that leads to the nearest balcony. 'For now, yes. Thanks.' Smooching a kiss on his cheeks she always appreciated when he asks her about her anxiety since being in large crowds isn't always manageable for her. So having a private balcony with fresh air is a great exit.

Y/n's eyes draw to a nearby puffy flowing dress coming their way looking up she sees the same tired resting face...Jane with the ever so cheery Thor by her side. Thor drags away from Jane's grasp hugging Y/n tightly shouting a delighted 'Sister Y/n!' Y/n responded equally happy 'Brother Thor!' His hugs were always the best warm, fuzzy and everything in between. Jane and Loki exchange only nods not bothering to fake any emotions. 'Brother.' Thor cheers at his brother and giving him a forced hug.

Loki pushes his brother away as he places an arm behind Y/n's back giving her devotion. Jane looks at the pair in front of her an unnatural smile dawning on her face. Y/n turns to Thor inquiring 'You look jolly as ever Thor.' 'Thank you Y/n. I started again to workout. It is stressful but Jane is forcing me-' 'Because you need to be in the best shape possible.' Jane cuts him rudely off letting her fake smile plunge. Jane started to bicker at Thor and that was a clear sign to go. Nudging Loki she whispers 'Balcony?' 'You read my mind.'

With a snap of his fingers, they are on the safe and private with the distant music behind them drowning out as they let their hearts best in unions. 'She is so mean.' Y/n says not preferring the way she addressed Thor. 'Yes, she is. I don't see why Thor reconciled with her again.' 'Well, ever since his weight gain and depression maybe she helped him through it to be a little happier but I feel that she is rushing the process that usually takes a while to make a prominent step.' Loki agreed as he looked at the scene in front of him. The trees, lakes, and sky coated in the black gloom. Surrounding the lovers giving them the privacy they had the right to. Loki's hands land on her cheeks pulling her close giving her a sweet intoxicating kiss. A kiss that demanded more after.

'Runaway with me princess. Let's run until out feet give up and until my magic runs dry.' He hushed giving each word enough space to set themselves into Y/n's mind. Y/n looks up at him saying in a mere whisper 'Of course, my King.' Loki smiled at her silly nickname as he shushed her once more feeling her warm lovable hands on his shoulders tracing down on his chest as his heartbeat accelerated. He pulls back asking her 'You feel it?' Y/n closes her eyes letting her hands feeling the heavy and strong beat of his heart 'Yes.' 'That heart beats for you.' Y/n stuns on the words as she looks at him seeing a smile on his face that was dawned in darkness and the smile shine through 'Only for you.' He added as he pulls her into his arms hugging her placing her between a pillar and his body.

His kisses overpowered her body mind and soul and she gladly gave her control to the God of Mischief enjoying the hush quiet ambiance only a few steps that passing them. Pushing away from his lips she looks at the long and dark hallway Loki inquiries 'What's wrong, darling?' 'I think someone passed us.' Letting a chuckle escape his mouth Loki answers back 'Don't worry, no one saw us.' Y/n looked back at him and nodded apprehensively. Maybe just someone passed a maid or guard too engrossed into their job to see a mortal and a God exchanging forbidden kisses. Loki stopped as whispering into her ear 'When I become King I will need you by my side.'

There he goes again. 'Loki, we talked about this...' 'I know we did. But I overheard my mother talking to Odin talking about a new King since he is...he is...' Loki whispers not knowing how to finish his sentence in a respectful way, even if it's about Odin 'You mean old, right?' Loki nods and proceeds to talk 'And I have an equal chance as Thor, thanks to you.' Y/n points to herself 'Yes, you. You have given me the love I craved for and pulled me out of my misery. I am certain that if I am King I can not do it without you.'

Seeing his pricing blue eyes she gleams at his words. She never did anything but be herself, a normal person with her own problems and yet somehow helped God for the betterment. A God who had problems similar to hers if you remove the sheer size of his it was about the same and when they are together they can overcome it all by being each other anchor 'Of course, Loki.' Sealing his deal with a kiss trumpet sound off.

'An announcement is ensuing. Let's go.' He grabs her hand running towards the rustic sounds of the most golden metal instruments. 'King and Queens, Princes and Princess, Royal men and women... I bring you a joyous announcement.' Loki and Y/n run into the ballroom almost stealing all the attention from Frigga. Almost. 'My husband and I have had reigned over the Nine Realms for most of everyone's life span in this room.' The crowd laughs at the kernel of truth 'I will be truthful here it has tired us a lot. So a decision has fallen in our hands, fortunately.' Her green eyes scan the room stopping at Loki and Y/n seeing his hand in hers 'A beacon of hope appeared before us. Someone who is worthy of descending the throne. Someone who went through all of the stages in existences deceit, betrayal, sorrow, suffering but even after all of the odds he raised up to be a better example of his past, to show that past doesn't distinguish a person but only the path he went through with a special someone.' Frigga's eyes now move to Y/n and Y/n felt herself melting at Frigga's smile. 'And so our decision is that the next descendant of the throne is...' Frigga lets the tension rise further seeing the apparent nervousness of Thor and Loki as well as their partners. 'Loki Laufeyson.'

The crowds erupt in cheers and applause and Loki feels his heart stop at the immense wave of love of complete strangers. These royals who viewed him as Thor's shadow and a misfit was now applauded by the people he will rule over with Y/n by his side. He turns to her smiling ear to ear 'The future looks luminous my love.' Y/n nods adding to his sentence 'When we are together.'

'Bow before your new King and Queen!' Frigga announces as the guests obey all bowing to the misfit God and mortal.

Hope you liked it. Feedback is always appreciated.

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Hey Lovely! I was wondering how you first became a part of the fandom? When did you start watching the show, at what point did you feel John and Sherlock might be(come) a thing, what made you start a blog on these two? I just want to know it all ^^ Hope you don't mind sharing a bit :) Thank you for everything you do for this fandom, love you lots!

Hi Lovely!

Oh gosh, what a nice question! I think I’ve talked about this in snippets in various posts, this post being the one talking the most about it, but never as a whole! Apologies if this turns into a long ramble, hah hah!

So I remember exactly when I got into the show SO CLEARLY. It was July of 2013, just a few months before S3 was to air in January 2014. I was over at my friends’ place, and they suggested the show to watch, since we always watch movies together whenever I visit. I remember asking, “Is that the show with Martin Freeman and that Khan actor from Star Trek 2?”. We finished Season one all in one go, and immediately fell in love with Ben and Martin’s portrayals and their chemistry. And then I had to head back home. I was ANGRY because OMG WHAT HAPPENS NEXT and my friends just laughed.

So as soon as I got home, I downloaded S1 and S2 and watched them ALL the way through. I needed more. So, because I already had a Tumblr and knew it was for fandoms, I decided to see what it had to offer. 

Oh boy what did I get into???

So I lurked for a bit, and then I discovered something called “meta”, back when the TRF theories were the prominent meta in the fandom. So while I was getting deep into meta, I started switching my fanart from Ninja Turtles to Sherlock, because I was warming up to Ben’s ethereal face and I wanted to draw it. And I wanted to be a Sherlock fanartist. I briefly shipped Sher1011ie for a week or so, until I rewatched the series again and it just didn’t jive like it did the first few watch-throughs. I was too invested in John and Sherlock’s friendship – I saw them as bestest friends ever, too devoted to each other.

Now, at this point, y’all need to remember this: I was naïve, have never been exposed at length nor ever heard of subtext, was and am not part of the LGBT community (I grew up in a different time and in a conservative city, so being “gay” just wasn’t a thing), had a very heteronormative view on my life, and I just had always just insisted that in all of my fandoms, when I liked two male characters together, it was because “bestest friends ever!!”. I didn’t know I was ace and I’d never read smut up until 3 years ago (yes hi hello I’m so old and so innocent LOL).

Okay, so I was just lurking for a bit, learning my way around fandom, reading meta and just generally dipping my toes quietly into the fandom.

Then came Season 3. 

As many of my followers know, a lot of my fondness for season 3 stems from this being the season that LITERALLY opened my eyes to EVERYTHING: subtext, Johnlock, my own sexuality, and my meta-writing career. 

So, season 3 aired and I decided to dip my toes into “reviewing” the episodes as my first “meta”. They were posted onto my multi-fandom blog here, here and here. I was so proud of them, because it reinvigorated my love for writing (I used to be a pretty prominent Sonic fan-fic author back in the 90′s… I never finished my stories because my interest in the fandom died before I finished them), despite how laughably bad they were, haha. I got a couple compliments on them, but nothing beyond that, especially since I sat down and wrote them for HOURS after each episode aired.

Sometime between TSo3 and HLV, I discovered loudest-subtext-in-television (aka LSiT) and deducingbbcsherlock completely by accident and I was FASCINATED. I ate up everything they wrote. The first time I watched TSo3, something was niggling at my brain but I couldn’t quite place it. It was one of LSiT’s meta that twigged at it. That’s when I learned about subtext, heteronormativity and the queer community. And suddenly, just like that, something in my brain clicked.

Oh. My god. This show is gay, and I actually SHIP these idiots like I did in the Mother Ship (ie. The X-Files Mulder / Scully). That’s why I was SO ANNOYED with Irene. Why Molly was slowly grating on me. Why Mary’s introduction kind of annoyed me but okay I guess I can deal with it. Why everything seemed really romantic but it just couldn’t be, could it? 

I rewatched the series. And it was gay. Y’all, those rainbow-coloured glasses were suddenly GLUED to my head, and I saw gay EVERYWHERE.

So, after HLV, I discovered The Johnlock Conspiracy and I was eating up all the meta about Johnlock I could. Around this time, I also was learning a lot about the LGBT community, its history and sexual fluidity from wsswatson. It was also around this time I discovered asexuality, and I started reading a lot about it. 

In February of 2014, I started this blog because I wanted a place to reblog Johnlock meta. This was the first post I made on this blog, and looking back at it now, I am DYING because wow I never imagined I was going to be this deep into the fandom the day I wrote that. I don’t even remember writing it, to be very honest. I just shake my head, HAH. I think I really started understanding Johnlock because of this post here. It’s still one of my favourites and is one of the ones I credit for helping me understand what I was watching was actually a romance, not a “crime show”. 

Anyway, after learning how to read subtext from mostly LSiT (they wrote a meta about how to read subtext and it was super informative) and other Johnlock bloggers, I wanted to try my hand at my own little Johnlock meta. It was more of an observational post, as my way of trying to interact with the fandom. I am a terribly nervous and shy person, so I never tagged anyone in anything. It was an overwhelming fandom, and it was terrifying to interact. A few bigger bloggers noticed me and were nice enough to comment on a couple of my posts, but I mostly stayed in my little corner, and interacted with my small little group of other smaller fans. I dabbled in both fanart and writing, just plopping my thoughts and art into the aether, hoping something would interest someone enough to start a discussion. 

I started getting braver, and I was “moderating” some of my favourite posts that weren’t mine, but had my additions to it. Mostly, the Phones and Hearts post. I didn’t want to impede, but it was one of my favourite posts, so I went and copied all of the comments in the notes and put them onto one post. I don’t honestly remember HOW I ended up moderating it, but I just did because I was FASCINATED with symbolism, and I was excited because I could finally read subtext and understand it. I still had a small following, and a few people I regularly interacted with on my blog.

So, during the hiatus between S3 and TAB, somewhere along the way I suddenly had a sexuality crisis, when I suddenly realized I wasn’t broken and there was absolutely nothing wrong with me, and damn it, there’s such thing as split attraction model and asexuality?? Mind was BLOWN. I was also slowly becoming obsessed with Mary’s character, and at the time I couldn’t understand why (inevitably, it was because of events happening in my own life and me trying to understand them), but I really enjoyed just psychoanalyzing her. It’s something I’ve ALWAYS loved doing – character studies; I’ve done it in EVERY fandom I’ve been in – and I was doing it for her, Sherlock and John’s characters. 

So yeah, nothing much really happened to me during the S3 hiatus, except my entire world view flipped on its head and I was completely Johnlocked beyond repair. I became known for some painful posts and some lovely revelations and writing a lot of character study posts on both John and Sherlock. I’m very proud of some of my earlier meta, just sad they never really got seen (some of my earliest meta can be seen on my Ao3).

Then came the announcement for TAB in 2015, and the start of my “Tumblr Career”. I put a lot of my energy into my fandom life. I was OBSESSED with TAB, and became known for it. I put my moderation skills to use and created the TAB Starter Pack, which started gaining me some followers because OMG some loser is taking the time out of their day to compile all the news about this new series! AWESOME. I remember, it was around this time I was excited because I got to 1895 followers and it was one of those milestones all Johnlockers like having, hahah. 

In October of 2015, I lost my job and was unemployed. Conveniently, this is also the time when the promo season for TAB started, because we now had a name and airdate. I devoted a LOT of my time, when I wasn’t job hunting, to working on this blog. I was just writing a lot, and obsessing about the upcoming episode.

Then the trailer aired.

And immediately after that trailer dropped on October 24, 2015, I made this post here, which, some would probably say, was the beginning of everything for me. As I was writing that post, with a cracking headache, something clicked in my head, and several hours later, I had written and posted the original Mind Palace Theories of TAB at 2AM-ish, and went to bed.

When I woke up, my post had suddenly gone viral and I couldn’t figure out why. Then it just kept expanding from there, and I made sure to include everything I could onto it, because WOW something I wrote was gaining traction, and interaction, and I just wanted us all to have a good time with it. And as the time for TAB drew closer, suddenly I was gaining followers, and more people interested in what I had to write. I welcomed everyone to continue to predict the outcome with me.

January 1st. Was a complete and total mind fuck. I was liveblogging the episode, and inadvertently created another viral post with my Mycroft’s Death post because FUCK ARE THEY KILLING MYCROFT OFF?? kind of freaked people out (sorry loves!), which gained me some more followers, and at the time, my top post was my December 31st reblog of my Mind Palace Theories post, so anyone who came to my blog, it would have been on the first page of it.

After the episode aired, suddenly, EVERYONE had questions for me, about EVERYTHING, but mostly to scream at me that I was a mind reader, LOL. No, I’m not, I was just a sad, unemployed twat with too much time on my hands and was avoiding job hunting. But good god, all DAY on Jan 1, I was replying to asks, gaining followers like crazy, and pretty much just stating my opinion on anything that someone wanted to know. 

I became known as the unofficial TAB blog, and the one to come to with questions about my interpretation of the episode. I was SO obsessed with TAB, studied every nuance and narrative structure I could. 2016 was “my heyday”, and it was fun. I found my niche, and meta-writing is what I became known for. And until I got a job in April of that year, I was a pretty solid presence in the fandom, if I understand some of what I’ve been told correctly. I still ran my blog as full-time as I could having a full-time job, and still do in some ways, but yeah, 2016 is when I produced a LOT of meta, mostly Mary meta because, as I said above, I was and am obsessed with her character arc. I was learning about myself a lot more by writing meta, and my “original” meta turned into “asks” meta, which was fine by me, because I do like a good prompt to get me going.

Somewhere in there I also somehow became the blog new bloggers came to, which I didn’t and don’t mind at all, because being new in a fandom is scary and I wanted to be a friendly face because I like meeting new people. 

Then we got an announcement for S4, and like TAB I also kept track of anything and everything S4-related, so once again I was sort of the “go-to” place for everything S4 because I compiled all the stuff from setlock bloggers and listed them all for easy-access. I kept track of everything promotional, and I reblogged some of my favourite pre-S4 meta here.

Essentially, I LOVE organizing things, and people liked that I LOVED doing it, so that’s sort of how I kept my following when I wasn’t posting as much new meta. I did make a few original meta before S4, and I made a 68 day video countdown to the series which is cringy AF and I’m not linking it (lol you can find it if you look hard enough). 

We all know what happened in S4. I took a bit of heat after S4 aired, because I got people’s hopes up. I was discouraged for a bit, but then I started receiving asks that weren’t really asks, but “I need advice” and “I need support”. 

And I started answering life questions, and realized people LIKED my responses, liked my little personal anecdotes in each of my replies, and felt comforted by it. So, after S4 aired, I became an eclectic mix of life advice, meta, fics, music and TJLC / tinhatting blog. I have a “no judgement” approach to my blogging, and I think that’s why I’m still gaining a steady dozen or so followers every couple weeks, rather than losing. The only time I took a big hit was the Tumblr Feedpocalypse, where they fucked up the algorithm and I’m not getting nearly as many hits on my posts as I used to, but that could also be because we lost so many people to S4, especially after Jan 1, 2018 when people were hoping for another episode.

I personally don’t think I’m popular, but I suppose I am by Tumblr standards. I dunno, I think we all have that “starry eyed” view of popular bloggers, and I just can’t picture myself as someone anyone would fawn over. I’m just me, and you can take it or leave it.

I think where I’m at now and what I’m known for is a good place to be, to be honest, despite how S4 turned out. I’m not certain, but I FEEL like I have a positive reputation here, but don’t quote me. I know I have people in this fandom who hate me, and quite frankly it saddens me that they feel they need to expel energy on me that way when they deserve to just be happy and forget about me. 

ANYWAY, sorry that got long and rambly, but it’s something I’ve wanted to talk about for awhile, but I was waiting for the prompt to come because *shrugs* I dunno, self esteem thing, makes me think no one REALLY cares until someone actually asks, hah.

And if you made it all the way to the end here, Love ya Nonny, and thank you for asking and thank you for being a follower of my blog