#they don’t have much else in common
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finally got around to checking out atlyss yesterday. heres my son Dsallo Thousand Sorrows
#art#my art#my ocs#atlyss#i hope multiplayer comes out soon so i can drag my friends into it#the designs are really cute + i like the style + i had a great time figuring it out and getting better at combat#anyway he vaguely reminds me of the king of sorrow from klonoa hence the name#its mostly the eyes and the countershading#they don’t have much else in common
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These two get my mind thinking all the time.
#raymond burr#barbara hale#della street#perry mason#damn you erle#they have to pretend that they aren’t#they most certainly got married during their trip to BC#you don’t take your secretary on a week ‘vacation’ to BC on a cruise ship#it’s like common sense#unless you love her so much perry#anyway#danse macabre#is the song behind the video#i needed to add sound or else it was going to be weird#tcot substitute face
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one of my favorite games to play whenever i rewatch the bear is “spot the very realistic health code/basic kitchen rule violations”
so far my favorite is one of the ones i’ve never seen mentioned: how often people wear their aprons outside the kitchen, which is absolutely a no-no and equally absolutely happens all the goddamned time and i am speaking from a lot of experience on that one
#ohhhh the many times over many jobs i realized i hadn’t taken my apron off yet when i was very much supposed to#but then i went fuck it. fuck this job. fuck the customers. i realized it before i hit the dumpsters or the bathroom it’s F I N E#we shall roll these dice together fucking assholes who don’t tip: me knowingly and you unknowingly but deservedly#my other favorite thing isn’t a healthcode violation (except when they’re in their aprons but don’t replace them after coming inside after)#and it’s crying and/or heart to hearts by the dumpsters (smoking optional but often involved)#have you truly worked in a restaurant until you have had an emotional breakdown by the dumpsters? i submit: no#to a degree where even the coworkers i hated and who hated me back found our common humanity next to the dumpsters#it’s hard to entirely hate somebody sweating and cursing next to you as you both throw out somebody else’s trash#because those people come here to enjoy life and we two? we band of unhappy brothers? we came to earn minimum wage#not to romanticize jobs i often hated so very very much#but There’s Something To This
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always thought this line was funny considering there’s Plenty of instances of kim calling harry his partner, and harry of course refers to kim as his partner all the time.
most of these i’d interpret as kim referring to him in a case-partner sense— i imagine that it’s a pretty common occurrence for non-partnered officers to pair up with each other on big cases considering kim mentioning that certain procedures (field autopsies, death notifications, etc) require two officers by RCM protocol.
but there’s a couple examples where it feels more… deliberate?
it intrigues me that the best example i could find of kim asserting him and harry’s partnership is from apologizing to him after the most egregious way you can fuck up your relationship to him in the game.
kim never ‘corrects’ harry anywhere else other than that convo with jean. kim seems to already be falling into viewing him and harry as official partners— only becoming self-conscious of it when suddenly faced with harry’s “actual” partner. his protest in front of jean feels like he’s correcting himself just as much as harry.
i dunno if i have any big conclusion i was trying to reach here, i just always found the line funny and even more telling when i looked up just how much he contradicts it everywhere else in-game. spongebob meme vc you likeee me don’t you lieutenant.
bonus result that doesn’t have anything to do with the rest really but i didn’t know you could tie at suzerainty and i’ve never seen this dialogue before. kim.
#disco elysium#kim kitsuragi#sure i’ll tag this as#kimharry#why not#sidenote i wonder if kim has to pair up with other random officers often in order to properly complete cases#i wonder how he felt about them‚ how much he usually likes or doesn’t like working with someone else#how long has he been working alone since his last partner (presumably) died? why *doesn’t* he already have a new one?#every other field officer we get a glimpse from in precinct 41 is paired up#maybe it’s more common for officers from the GRIH to work alone on account of it being less dangerous than jamrock?#does kim miss working with a partner i wonder#he falls into step with working with one again so easily it seems#again. spongebob meme bc you likeeeee me don’t you lieutenant#me talking
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I think fans want Jason to be a good person or be becoming one. To have a character that is well meaning and compassionate but decided murder is ok and to stand against main heroes who’s beliefs and actions go against the people he cares about and wants in his life. It’s confusing for people. People want their fav characters to be happy. But Jason can’t have his family’s support and follow his moral code. He’s cares about people and Gotham, and he’s an asshole who kills. It’s messy. It’s not black and white. I don’t even think Jason cares about being a good person or in the right anymore. I think he cares about what will save the most people instead.
Oh my goodness gracious I’ve been bamboozled
Batman’s definition of Good is not synonymous with absolute good/right no matter how much dc insists it is. Torture, battery/assault, surveillance, those are all condemnable actions too. I won’t get into the exhausting and frankly dumb debate of comic book morality wrt killing because I’ve already reblogged plenty of posts from other people who explained my thoughts on the matter far better than I ever have the patience to sit down and articulate. I also just think the notion that there’s something to be done about fictional characters who kill nazis and senseless murderers is stupid. Jason’s point is that the “main” heroes’ sanitized definition of right has its unaddressed holes and flaws which ultimately result in more preventable fatalities, and that he’ll work to correct those missing spots.
He doesn’t not care about doing what’s right. What he doesn’t care about (at least during his Winick characterization) is whether Batman thinks he’s right or wrong, because he sees the flaws in Batman’s methodology (and since he has a mind of his own). Batman’s methods alone cannot address Arkham’s revolving door and the rogues that come and go through those doors who have no intention (or capability from the doylist pov) of ever changing or undergoing redemption. Jason knows that he’s minimizing the number of preventable deaths by killing his targets, typically Characters Who Simply Do Fucked Up Shit Just Because, Why The Fuck Not?
Secondly, Jason is compassionate … to a fault. That was his fatal flaw. If he wasn’t so hell-bent on saving his potential birth mother he just met from that bomb despite everything she did to him prior, he could have protected himself instead, however slim his odds of survival were. What about his relationship with his other parents? He was a caregiver during his early childhood years for Catherine, until her death. Even mature adults who are financially stable find being a caregiver to a dying parent to be extremely burdensome on their bodies and minds, but he never complained about it or resented Catherine for being unable to care for him. Despite how none of his parents have really been what he needed them to be, he doesn’t blame them for their failings, and even continues to think highly of them (Bruce included).
And post-death? Enter Lost Days. Despite being dead set on plotting his revenge on Bruce, he constantly sidelines this in order to save other victims who are helpless like he once was. His own anger, trauma, and mission don’t remain his priority. (Sound familiar? Something something my own trauma above my son’s, mission above all else, etc.). Why would he waste precious time and risk his own life to do this if he wasn’t empathetic towards these victims or didn’t care about doing the right thing. He is simultaneously horribly traumatized and full of rage, and also incapable of ignoring what’s happening to victims around him (even as he claims that it’s indeed not his priority). And in that same vein, the entire premise of his rebirth outlaws run was that he doesn’t care if the public views him as a villain, an outlaw, so long as he can protect Gotham. And anyway where is this portrayal of him not caring about being in the right anymore. Almost every modern Jason story is about him grappling with where he stands with Bruce/Batman. During the early 2000s was probably the last time he did not care (hello, tentatodd??).
Jason has very evidently been portrayed as a kind and compassionate character. He is also simultaneously a calculated killer who doesn’t hesitate to kill when he deems necessary, and does so without remorse. It’s called being a Complex Character With An Edge™ that as you said, people so often claim to love. However when he fulfills that latter part, that seems to upset people because “killing bad”, and they then try to shave off and round out all his edges and claim he shouldn’t be that angry. In that case I guess you should just stick to liking traditional one-dimensional characters instead of claiming to like Jason but then encouraging his character assassination attempt by dc. Lol.
Lastly, who said anything about the batfam making Jason happy? Just because he’s written nowadays to want acceptance from Bruce (a shoddy attempt at forcing a non-existent nuclear batfamily), doesn’t mean that it’s a sound decision or that it does his character justice. I certainly don’t empathize with the idea that Jason needs the family’s approval or acceptance to be happy. (And anyway he has enough outlets for angst and pain aside from the batfam hello explore his other sources of trauma and do more deep dives into how he thinks when he’s alone). I don’t want them to magically make up and become one big happy family. This is not disney Lol. Besides, there are plenty of stories from dc that have that type of “wholesome” (hate that word utilization) characterization for Jason (Li’l Gotham, Tiny Titans, wfa, and even new stuff like the brave and the bold mini) and that is sufficient imo. Jason fans who are invested in the character deserve accurate, nuanced characterization and well-written stories, whether they be from his robin days (e.g., Batman: The Cult) or as red hood.
#fellas. ya know what else is wholesome? avenging your own death#you can have moments of ‘reconciliation’ or peace but still maintain a strained relationship which is far more realistic#‘he’s an asshole that kills’ and Bruce is an asshole who doesn’t kill. lol.#you can’t claim Jason’s conflicted and disturbed but go on to say Bruce is perfectly sane those two are mutually exclusive#also please realize that a character acting out of anger does not mean they lack compassion.#implying that he doesn’t care about doing the right thing is saying the same thing that person said;#that he doesn’t actually know what he’s doing. that he hasn’t thought through his moral stance.#‘Jason didn’t put any thought into anything he did in utrh he’s just a poor mentally ill lost soul who needs the batfam’s love to heal 💔’#🤝#‘jokers just a poor victim of society 😔 he just needs someone to understand him and maybe one day he’ll heal and realize he’s wrong’#what they both have in common is that they’re misunderstood in opposite directions#the joker doesn’t have a point to prove. there’s no deeper meaning behind what he does. everything is a joke to him.#he isn’t unaware of right vs wrong lmfao#jason todd#dc#asks#my post#and I think you’re implying that he’s utilitarian based on that last part but I don’t think he is#user mintacle posted a few metas regarding that and again they explain it much better than I prob could#anyway it isn’t difficult to understand his character if you know why you like him and you actually read his stories#that post specifically was from someone who clearly said they did not read the comic so. technically they’re on their own wavelength#edit: grammar
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new di x warrior cats
name explanations and more info below :3
basic stuff
-each agency is a clan, not each unit. 14-15 clans would be silly and then we would have some clans with 5 cats and some with 2.
-starpro -> lightclan. i couldn’t call them “starclan” for obvious reasons. light is somewhat synonymous with star, so i’m going with that.
-cospro -> nightclan. i don’t think the cats in warriors know the word “cosmic”, but cosmic implies cosmos implies night sky, so we’re going with night
-rhyth lin -> rippleclan. ripple is sort of a synonym to rhythm….? this one was hard
-new di -> fortuneclan. this one is a stretch but neither “new” or “dimension” have synonyms that really fit a clan name. fortune is something that relates to multiple characters in new di though
-starclan still sort of exists, but the cats do not believe in them the way they do in warriors. they are more of a nursery tale than anything, and select cats (ex: tatsumi) believe in them, but it is not written into their code. medicine cats can still interpret signs, but they do not necessarily think of them as coming from starclan.
-medicine cat forbidden romance is not a thing here
-intermingling of clans is ok and common
-there’s like. other cats in their clans besides just the enstars cast i assume
cat names/why i chose them
fortuneclan:
knights
-tsukasa -> scarletstar (scarletblossom) . he is the leader of fortuneclan because he is one of the new di reps for the summits. both scarlet and blossom were chosen bc of his last name (scarlet is a red color… kinda similar to cherry…. and blossom for the cherry blossom).
-leo -> lionheart. ok this one is kind of cheating because lionheart is already an existing warrior, but…come on….
-izumi -> silverspring. sora describes his color as silver, and spring is in his first name
-ritsu -> frostmoon. his first name means cold moon according to the wiki so i just rehashed it
-naru -> goldenroar. since she doesn’t like her first name i didn’t want to use “storm”, and her last name can be read as “thunder” but that’s a little too close to storm? so golden for her hair and roar for her last name
switch
-natsume -> sageeye. a sage is similar to a wizard, and eye is in his first name . also the “dovesong” mentioned is wataru :)
-tsumugi -> bluewing. he is a bluebird. warrior cats probably wouldn’t straight up call a cat “bluebird” so i put wing there instead. deputy cause he’s the vp
-sora -> skyspring . sora means sky. spring is in his last name. i could have used “stream” instead to differentiate him from sena but i think spring is cuter
mam/df
-madara -> tawnystripe . tawny bc it’s like kind of close to calico if you squint. stripe(s) is in his last name
#my art#enstars#ok so maybe we WOULD have 5 clans bc guess what was announced today#a new agency. and a new unit (or fucking 5? idk)#BUTWHATEVER#um i don’t know why i did this it was a joke at first but#then i started getting really into choosing names….#like originally it was just gonna be switch but then i was like hmmm… what if the agency is the clan#i’ve been reading so so much warrior cats i’m about to finish avos and then i’ll be caught back up to where i was#when i started this rereading journey last year#so like i have to apply it to my other interests#i’m proud of the names i chose i think they’re fun#yes leo’s is a cheat but idc#i hope someone else will appreciate this it’s mostly just me doing stuff for fun#i want to do the other units/agencies too but that might be a while cause yall this took#like a week . granted i’m busy rn but god damn picking designs for cats is hard!!#that’s why so many ended up being tabbies i just can’t resist they’re my favorites i’m definitely not biased#but also realistically tabby is a pretty common pattern so it’s fine#my fave design is naru’s btw i wanted to make her really pretty and i think i did ok#ok i’m going to bed bye#also forgot to mention i wanted to keep the names as close to canon warriors as i could so i had to find words similar to things that#the cats in warriors would know#sage is pushing it i don’t think they use sage in medicine . they def don’t know what a fortune is either but i don’t care
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just watch your moral puritanism idk. we can simultaneously say ‘mental illness isn’t an excuse or a reason to be an abuser’ and ‘this person is obviously struggling and we can tell by their actions, it’s important we keep anyone they could hurt safe while also approaching with curiosity because that’s the way they’re going to get better, not judgement’
#look I’m biased but when a common fear of parents of PDAers is that we’re gonna turn out abusive#and that’s why they turn to discipline harder which fair enough to some degree. I learned to never take anything out on other people#in the end when you’re operating from trauma brain and desperation this isn’t the right strategy#and if certain substances make you unable to control certain behaviours it’s both true that you need to stay away from them and that youre#not thinking rationally. this is why appropriate resources for recovery are SO IMPORTANT especially ones that aren’t based in. the#Protestant work ethic but actually understand trauma disorders and the need for a feeling of safety#seeing so much ableism because that’s what it is. does it mean that certain things aren’t abuse? no! don’t assume someone condones it#I’ve said time and again if you want to do better and be a better person. you have to learn how not to judge and hate yourself too badly#because if you label yourself as something bad you’re never gonna do better#and even if you don’t care bc someone deserves that label. you don’t want them to hurt anyone else do you?#this is not about one specific scenario btw. this is about; do we want to take care of people properly? look at it systemically#ffs you can’t just lock up one portion of society and forget they exist and everyone else will be happy
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You just don't think antis are a problem because they're not in your fandoms. Once they start making posts with thousands of likes accusing you of being a pedophile and threatening to find out where you live and work so they can report your pedophilic tendencies because you ship teenagers (shounen characters), you'll start caring very quickly. Not in favour of that happening to you? Cool, you're a proshipper.
The fuck
#just woke up to get a glass of water#checked my phone and saw this#took me a whole minute to figure out what was going on lmao#it’s way too early to argue and also I don’t care enough at five in the morning#I just want to ask since when the fuck does teen wolf not have antis#holy shit the amount of antis in this fandom even years after the dumb show is over#but anyway I think you’re missing the point#there shouldn’t be proshippers or antis cuz it’s so pointless#pretty sure that’s what op meant#and nobody should care so much about it that they’re attacking ppl over it like you said#cuz don’t like don’t read is like basic decency and common sense#and most ppl have a lot more real life problems to deal with#than caring about what someone else thinks about character A going down on character B or whatever the problem is#but literally nobody is saying antis aren't a problem#we're actually saying antis are ridiculous for making such a big deal about sth that really doesn't matter in the greater scheme of things#that’s my 5am contribution I’m going back to bed
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conversion 'therapy' survivors 🤝 psychiatric survivors 🤝 ABA survivors 🤝 special education program and IEP survivors 🤝 troubled teen industry survivors 🤝 cult survivors
#i don’t know how else to put this#and i don’t have any comment it’s just like if you know… you know#i feel like we specific types of survivors have so much in common#and our traumas are straightup ignored#because those of us who are survivors of psychiatry and ABA and CEDU are told we’re insane for calling what we survived ‘abuse’#and cult survivors have their experiences mocked#but we understand each other and the severity of what we all lived through#edit: fuck it. special ed/IEP survivors too#they allowed CEDU to take kids and torture them#antipsychiatry#psych abolition
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Last post before I crash and no-one hears from me until I return from my first final the morrow’s eve (a changed man no doubt) but there’ll never be anything funnier to me than consistently being viewed as a composed and calm saviour by peers while I’m, actively and uncontrollably losing it.
#not said sarcastically or as a vent by the way I genuinely find it so terribly amusing. you think I have it together ? aw <3 you fool.#i’ve been pacing around my room like a starving lion since the past week in whatever free time i’ve had.#and i keep getting people in my messages begging me for last minute help ? which is endearing but. i’m hanging on for dear life myself#helping isn’t foreign to me; i have 4 (?) people in my class who almost exclusively refer to me as ma’am and even refer to me as a teacher.#but helping last minute is so. deeply chaotic.#and I have this issue with me where having others around me makes me immediately drop into a ‘role’ of sorts?#i’ll be freaking out but then someone else starts freaking out around me and my immediate response is to just.#hey. we are going to make it out of this. it’s easy as pie. do you see me worried? no right? <- on the verge of hyperventilating#there’s this one guy in particular who got so excited to find out we have the exact same examination set-up tomorrow.#i gave him like basic pointers and i don’t think i’ve ever been thanked so earnestly and desperately in my life.#i remember during mocks my friends would message me what I wrote in questions and then they’d immediately go oh thank Fuck.#they’d literally just act like they’re absolutely going to pass now just because we had points in common.#as if i’m some sort of fucked up correct answer sheet incarnate.#it’s genuinely really sweet to me though; like i’m not posting this ranting or such.#having so much faith in another to the point that you can put yourself completely at ease says. alot i think.#and i’m glad i can be that person for so many.#and I feel like it helps me in a way too because i become so concerned with others that I forget to drown myself in my worries.#i forget that I’m worried because there are others to care about and console and help. so i suppose they help me in a way as well.#but also who is going to be that person for ME. who is going to console ME. im going fucking neurotic /jest#<- woman with ego issues & control issues who would rather die than accept help.#sigh. oh well. I’m sure we’ll do just fine. cannot wait#🥀🍷 — colloquy.
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I will never be normal about Ox and Gordo’s relationship actually. Thinking about them makes me insane. Like imagine being abandoned by everyone you love everyone all at once they’re all dead or gone across the country or fucking banished to prison and they left you alone, ON PURPOSE, and you can’t do a damn thing about it because if you leave you abandon your home, their home, you lise what feels people you have left and is it even worth it when they left you so easily and
There’s a little kid hiding behind his fathers knees and he’s never had root beer and you watch him grow into this intense strange boy who doesn’t understand that his father isn’t coming home his father left him and god don’t you know how that feels and you watch him learn his way around a car and you remember the man who taught you who gave you a chance who listened when you said what was wrong and
He needs a job and you’re the only one who cares so you help, god, of course you help, you can’t let him or his mom lose what little they have left so you let him work for you under the table, he doesn’t need to but he demands it even though you paid off their debt as soon as he asked. It’s the money of those fuckers who abandoned you, anyway, and Ox needs it Ox and Maggie need it and
He’s everything to you he’s your son your brother your life and he’s fifteen and he’s your fucking tether, he keeps you human, and you think finally, finally you’re healing. You both had shit dads who dealt you shit cards but you’ve got each other and you don’t need anyone else and
Then they come back and it’s not for you. They come back and they don’t even speak to you.
But they speak to him. To Ox.
They need him. Just like they needed you when you were barely a teenager when your father leveled that town when he killed your mom when you had to become their witch because the pack needed it your Alpha needed it because Thomas-
But Ox chooses them, over and over. You try to make him understand that they’ll only use him and hurt him and he doesn’t care. He chooses them. The damned wolves.
Imagine the man you loved hated needed despised dies and his son makes every imaginable mistake and you follow him because he is your Alpha he needs you and you leave. You leave Ox behind and you hate yourself every day, for three years, you know how this feels you know exactly how this feels and it’s bitter in your throat because you hate him him Mark him for this choice you’ve just made and you understand and you hate it and it’s vicious and you can’t forgive him so how can you forgive yourself and
You come home and he’s not a boy anymore he’s not a kid but a man and he’s tall and strong and he’s the Alpha, somehow, and he doesn’t need you anymore.
But he forgives you. Easier than you’ve ever forgiven anyone in your life, he forgives you because he loves you and you love him and you came home.
#green creek#Oxnard Mattheson#Gordo Livingstone#I’m having a moment gang I’m just#there’s something so. I can’t even put my finger on it they’re like a mirror looking at yourself the boy abandoned and he’s you and#youre him leaving him your his dad brother friend tether pack love and you’re fucking leaving him behind and it hurts like nothing else#LIKE????#I wish there were more moments of Gordo and ox just being them#they make their fathers mistakes in different ways but they learn because you can’t break a bond like theirs#and Thomas being a common line Gordo loved Thomas so so much and he hated him so viciously#and Ox loved Thomas Thomas was his father Thomas meant everything to him and then he died left gone#and Gordo was used to that because that’s what Thomas does he abandons he leaves but Ox#Ox didn’t know even if you tried to warn him and then you left too#there’s so much gang#THERES SO KYCH TO THEM#don’t even get me started on Joe and Mark in the fuckery mix#Mark becoming Ox’s second while Gordo became Joe’s witch like like like#LIKE OX AND GORDO GRAVITATED TOWARD THE THREAD THEY HAD THE THING CONNECTING THEM TO EACH OTHER#OX TO GORDOS MATE GORDO TO OX’S#IM LOSING MY FUXKING MIND
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2023 reads
Winter’s Orbit
standalone space opera/romance
when his cousin dies, an imperial prince is rushed into marrying the widower - an ambassador from a planet they have a tenuous treaty with - to control rising political hostilities
neither thinks the other is happy with the circumstances, but they have to put on appearances for the public - and when they find out the death might have been murder and they’re implicated, they start to uncover a web of treason within the court and empire
arranged marriage, politcs, set on a wintery planet
#Winter’s Orbit#aroaessidhe 2023 reads#i enjoyed this a lot!#it’s not 100% for me and I think maybe it relied a little too much fanfic romance tropes at points but like. that’s not inherently bad#there were some things that i wanted more of like. jainan’s relationship with his sister?#we see them about to talk for the first time in 2 years but then don’t actually….see that talk?#or anything else between them til the end of the book. i was like hold on I get not seeing That scene but surely she's gonna come up again#asfkadjfh theres a survival bit in the middle which im like. survival 101 stay where you are!!!!! oh my god unfamiliar snowy landscape coul#be SO dangerous. if there’s a storm. whiteout!! also dangerous wildlife apparently???#the book does raise this and have valid counter arguments as far as the worldbuilding goes#(they’re in a blank spot of cell service which is rare so hard to find them) but akjdhsgkjsf i can’t help but be like. noo.....#but also space opera setting that’s on a very wintery planet - i feel like is not that common! i like that#definitely has a hefty amount of miscommunication but like….it’s the kind that’s because the characters come from such different#emotional contexts rather than silly reasons. i don’t mind that tbh. though they maybe could have talked about things a bit earlier
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posting on here is like my sisyphean boulder i'm constantly rolling tbh
#god i am trying so hard to just have fun and be myself#but when i do that i'm immediately a strange outsider creep#and since i can't really mask my version of masking is just not talking and then obviously you don’t find any joy in fandom spaces either#i will always be a shitty unlikable freak no matter how much i pretend otherwise. it was obvious from the start that getting involved in#fandom spaces was a fucking mistake. it's always a mistake because you're some laughing stock at best and a horrifying freak at worst#i don't blame people for not liking me i've realised what an awful person i am long ago#but it's always so hard witnessing something like fun social groups from the sidelines knowing you'll never be a part of it#this is why my mental state has been deteriorating so severely in the last few months. that Realisation once again nothing fucking changed#i know it's stupid to get so upset over fandom but it's only a pattern for me#i stopped trying to be friends with people when i was a teenager because it hasn't worked a single time#this attempt at integrating myself into the wotr and bg3 fandom by sharing my shit was just one mistake#gortash/zeke is so different from anybody else’s work and i wish i could find joy in something that it isn’t fucking deranged but i can’t#like yes it’s just fandom bullshit! gortash/zeke is a fucking oc x canon ship! why am i getting so upset over it!#i love writing them. i’ve never been this happy writing anything. and it’s entirely indicative of a common pattern in my life#when i earnestly share parts of myself/things i’m passionate about people get creeped out. and honestly? rightfully so#i would leave the discord servers i’m in because it’s fucking crushing me dude. this is so petty but i’m so jealous of what you people have#but in one i am server owner and i don’t want to just dump that responsibility onto someone else and then dip#and in the other two i’m not sure anyone would even notice that i’m gone but i still worry about being rude#though i’m not entirely sure i didn’t get invited to one of those just so people could laugh at me. idk probably just being paranoid but i#it’s been gnawing at me#ok no if i’m being this vulnerable on tunglr.com i can also say that part of me staying is also still having the hope that i could fit in#one day. logically i know it won’t happen but it’s nice to have hope sometimes#watching you all from through the window having fun like a creep#so yeah. i’ve always felt like this but it’s been rapidly getting worse with my failed attempt at the bg3 fandom#idk just been crying non-stop for the last few hours. went through an entire pack of tissues in an hour it’s very disgusting#they’re all lying around me as i’m typing this like a pillowfort of snot lmao#so yeah. idk. if someone could come over and lobotomise me that’d be nice. orin where are you when we need you most#i never had any friends irl so i foolishly gave this a shot. i’m sorry#also doesn’t help that i can see someone dropping me for people that are easier to be around in irl rn#it just hurts because it’s always like that. someone you are around when you have no other option at best. not even that sometimes
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Manager of the house came in today. He was shouting out what my weight and BMI were so everyone in the house could hear. I asked him not to do that and he said he was sorry and he didn’t realise it would make me uncomfortable.
Afterwards he was in the dining room when me and other residents were on the sofa at the other end of the room. He loudly complained about me being upset by him shouting out about my weight and then continued to shout out my weight and BMI was and also made a lot of really squirm-inducing remarks about my prescribed meal plan in front of everyone.
The staff here had a training session about how to approach eating disorders two weeks after I moved in because when I moved in they literally knew nothing. I really don’t know what they got from it.
#also staff go on and on about dieting skipping meals step counts and demonise my few safe foods and aaarrrgh#I know EDs are complicated but I would have thought it was common sense to maybe not go on about these things to me#or maybe I’m expecting too much#personal#thoughts#oh I kind of want to move#but there is nowhere else in the county and other places will probably be even worse#ed recovery#anorexia recovery#eating disorder recovery#also about my depression the manager said why don’t you just think positively?#thank you I never thought of that#that’s so easy to do#and it transpires that staff have been lying about me#and I don’t think they like me at all#but maybe I’m being irrational#I don’t know#help#sorry I’m exploding in the tags#everything is awful#mental health#supported living
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Why don't you just say you hate Daenerys and Rhaenyra, and want Daenerys dead ????
#what a weird thing to say to me.#this is the only place i’ve been where if you like the same thing but in a different way as someone else you are an enemy and not a friend#dany and rhaenyra don’t even have that much in common other than like. being women. i do like them both though
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hot take but. oda is honestly one of the most interesting prominent side characters in y0 to me. like. don’t get me wrong obviously i don’t condone his actions, but speaking as a character design guy, i think he’s got a whole lot of complexity to think about in his story and identity that people tend to ignore/overlook because he’s not a black and white “good” person. like no shit he’s morally fucked, that doesn’t mean his intense pining and crazed level of dedication to tachibana and the lengths all his guilt and repressed love for the man he saw as the best thing to ever grace his life drove him to aren’t interesting to think about– if anything it makes him more interesting. he was. really something
#people like to joke about wanting problematic queer rep instead of just good upstanding citizens all the time but then you get someone like#oda and suddenly all nuance dissappears and liking him as a character (for being a well-made character I mean) is equated to#condoning sex trafficking. like. no that’s not how that works#though I do think- regardless of him being a shitty dude- he does count as a victim of burying your gays#but that’s less about his death being narratively a bad choice and more that there could’ve been more queer rep amongst prominent characters#to balance it out (who don’t die)#though idk I’m always a little put off by the all too common Gay Chracter Dies For Their Tragic Love Interest trope#because it’s. too common. and depressing. but again I think it could’ve been balanced out if someone else was prominent and#canonically queer (also thinking like. nishitani seemed pretty close to canonically bi but. he. also died. so)#anyway. yeah on the other hand im glad they didn’t sugarcoat or morally sanitize him as a character for the sake of his queerness though#I would’ve really liked to have seen more on tachibana’s side about what he thought of oda and their relationship in general- cause they#knew each other for quite a while and were undeniably close. even lived together and whatnot. and all tachibana really got to say when he#found out oda was probably dead was just. well just that. that he’s probably dead. I feel like he should’ve gotten to be more shook by that#and/or more deeply conflicted and pained by the combination of his potential death for makotos safety and his responsibility for#trafficking her in the first place. that’s. such a deep well of complicated emotions to sort out and they really did absolutely nothing#with it. like. it makes me wanna write something that’s how much is There that was unused. so much with that relationship in general really.#hhhh….. anyway I should shut up now#jun oda#oda#yakuza#yakuza 0#rgg#rgg0#rambling#oh yeah also. hating him is understandable but you have to then apply the same judgement to all characters who have done some real shitty#stuff in their pasts to get by- which is quite a few characters- including lee who’s far more liked and was a literal hitman#(saying that as someone who also likes him as a character quite a bit and Likes that he’s in a moral grey zone) so. yeah.#yakuza 0 spoilers
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