#they most certainly got married during their trip to BC

[louissviolin]

These two get my mind thinking all the time.

[bikananjarrus]

as promised, a sequel to this post! introducing an (incomplete) list of moments wherein kathani sharma was completely vexed by anthony bridgerton and was certainly behaving about it:

their first meeting. she heard a strange man’s voice in the park and didn’t even hesitate to completely own his horse-riding skills. that smug little look she gives him when she’s up the hill. insulting his skills when he circles back around. not even introducing herself bc she has a victory lap to run and her little laugh!! miss sharma i’m in love w you (and so is anthony)

insulting anthony’s entire existence after she’s caught eavesdropping, making him immediately and promptly fall in love with her

Also the fact that she followed him outside and was eavesdropping in the first place??? after she spent a good portion of the ball watching him dance with other ladies from a distance. she’s so intrigued by him already. she thinks he’s handsome. and she can’t stay away either

lifting up her skirt and exposing her thigh on that hunting trip. my girl knew exactly what she was doing and she fully succeeded in obliterating anthony’s last two brain cells

everything about the pall-mall game <333 her grabbing the mallet of death and being SO insufferable about it. the second she realizes anthony is annoyed she just rubs it in his face even more. and then using her turn to wack his ball as far as possible because she doesn’t care about winning, she just wants to beat anthony. and ofc we can’t forget about her wanting to beat him so badly that she lifts her skirt and steps into that mud puddle with glee whilst mocking anthony about not wanting to get his boots dirty. she is everything to me actually

this was soft more than anything, but during the Bee Scene, when she realizes that anthony is genuinely starting to have a panic attack, she stops snapping at him and starts to reassure him that she’s fine in a much gentler tone. and what does make me feel insane is her grounding him with touch. not just placing his hand over her chest, but when she lifts his other hand up to place it over his own heart, and he just, immediately starts to calm down. her anchoring him is just. yeah

i have to include the way she says “because you vex me!!”. she is SO mad that she has feelings for him

when they’re leaving aubrey hall and anthony comes rushing out and says “i need to talk to you” and kate looks straight at him and says “yes” like she wanted him SO BADLY to choose her right then and there. or to at the very least say he wasn’t going to marry edwina. like she’s got it down baaadddd at this point. and then her face when anthony proposes to edwina. big ouch. he frustrates her so much and yet! she likes him SO MUCH

when the queen (i think) is talking about anthony and edwina’s marriage, and says it’s a “true love match” and kate nearly spills her tea. yeah

kate hiding in a closet not once, but twice, in order to avoid talking to anthony during the wedding episode, she’s literally trying to hide from her feelings i love her

when she says “goodbye, my lord” and kisses him like that, like okay kate!!! literally the “goodbye” kiss to end all goodbye kisses

perhaps her Most Moment of the season is when she’s talking to mary about how anthony doesn’t really love her, he’s just marrying her out of obligation bc they slept together like GIRLIE. the man has given you the most poetic declarations about how he wants you and can’t stop thinking about you, and the second he realized you were gone the morning after he raced over to propose because he is a gentleman and also he’s so in love with you like WHAT

her eyes during that last dance scene. you know the look she gives him. yeah no comments other than that expression is burned in my mind

[dreaminginvelaris]

A Response to a Feyre Anti

I made a post recently explaining the dread of having to watch Feyre be abused by her sisters and father, in the Tv adaption. And a Feyre anti made a response, to something that should not be criticized at all considering what I said was just the truth? Feyre was abused. Not only that but they went on and completely twisted the narrative to fit their own ideas and in the process made Feyre out to be cruel and Nesta a saint. complete bull.

I will not be tagging the anti bc they have me blocked (shocker), but also I do not want anyone to go after them, if you come across the post, I don't want it to be through me. it's as much respect I can give to them.

I usually do not respond to those who have something to say with a post of mine or are blatantly talking about me on their blog, unless they're just spreading absolute lies about me or what i "said", it's usually a waste of time to do so. but this post attacked Feyre with outrageous lies and a complete backward interpretation of what actually happened in acotar, so as respectful as I can be, I will be analyzing the anti-response and what truly happened in acotar.

"the audience will only see two sisters fighting-not abuse" "it’s not Nesta you need to worry about. It’s audiences calling Feyre a big dumbass and a bitch" -from anti

if the audience has basic human compassion and empathy for humans IRL or fictional, they will see what's obvious from the start. Feyres abuse. how is it going to look, when they see Feyre walking through the woods, shaking from the cold, starving from hunger, and struggling to find food for her family? only to later see Nesta's treatment of Feyre?"

in the anti's post, they said Feyre was just as "heinous" to Nesta.

is Feyre the one calling Nesta a pig? a smelly pig? ordering her to take her clothes off?

no, it's not, it's dear Nesta. the text goes as "I took my time, swallowing the words I wanted to bark at her" oh yes... how cruel of Feyre. how heinous of Feyre to...stay quiet... at the verbal abuse.

in the same image we see Feyre ask Nesta to do something (kindly might I add) and then inquire why she didn't chop wood like she needs to.

what does Nesta do? acts like a brat and insults Feyre...once again.

considering I'm going off by the story and not the actual screenplay, and assuming they stay true to the story; will the audience not be disgusted by Nesta's behavior? I mean they just saw Feyre struggle to find food and they expect Feyre to go home to a family happy and appreciative of Feyre but instead, they get this familial abuse.

the anti said Feyre basically tells Nesta this:

"If you keep bitching at everyone like this no one will want to be around you or you can’t marry this guy because you’re a waste of space to me"

but what do we see?

"Believe me... the day you want to marry someone worthy, I'll march up to his house and hand you over. But you're not going to marry Tomas."

the word worthy, did that not catch your eye? Feyre said Nesta will have to marry someone worthy, someone, who will treat Nesta kindly and give her the life Feyre thinks her sisters deserve. bc Feyre does think that IDK why anti feyres think Feyre despised Nesta so much, Feyre loved her sisters.

what the anti fails to realize here is that Nesta marrying Tomas would have been actually pretty great for Feyre. in the sense that, Feyre would no longer carry the burden of her sister. Feyre would not have to worry about feeding one more mouth. or worrying about Nesta's constant stealing of Feyre's money. Feyre does not think Nesta is a "waste of space" to her, if she did, it would have been easy for Feyre to discard Nesta, and allow her to marry Tomas. the anti has that twisted.

but that is not even the worst part of the scene. did you see the shameless slut-shaming that came out of Nesta's mouth? how will the audience take to that? do you think most of the younger generation will take it lightly to see a sister slut-shame a sister? a woman putting down another woman? in this social climate? where the feminism movement is alive and flourishing. will they be okay with it? will they still blame Feyre and be mad at her the way the anti says they will be? I hope not otherwise I'm losing faith in humanity.

Lovely words Nesta spews at Feyre. I admit Feyre should have told her then and there that Tomas is abusive. but let's think: Feyre is 19 years old, the youngest, has never had any raising by a parental figure, has been neglected by her whole family, where would Feyre learn to calmly talk to an overgrown brat like Nesta? Feyre telling Nesta who Tomas truly is the duty of a parent, not a sister. I will not condemn Feyre for not knowing that was the perfect time to tell Nesta who Tomas is. especially when Feyre is being tormented and verbally/emotionally abused, its kinda hard to think about something else while you're being told all these horrible words. to us its easy to see where Feyre went wrong but unless you're in the exact position Feyre was in. no one has any room to talk. and even then, every person is different in situations like these.

this part was me analyzing the interactions between Feyre and Nesta since anti had reasons to believe Feyre was just as bad to Nesta and that the audience would see that and hate Feyre. I am now going to respond to the second part of the Feyre Anti's response.

"How will an audience of non-fans react to her not reaching out to her family to tell them she was okay after the reconciliation between her and Nesta? Or not inviting them to the wedding?"- from anti

moving onto acomaf now.

Idk maybe the audience will see Feyre, a depressed, lonely, individual in an abusive relationship while being manipulated by other individuals she called friends, and understand and empathize with her. all throughout the beginning and half of acomaf, Feyre is in critical depression. she wholeheartedly believes she should not be alive. that she is not worthy. she doesn't eat, all she does is sleep, self-care is not important to her or others so why would letting a family know she's okay, a family who BARELY ever cared about her, be a priority? it doesn't seem like Nesta or elain or her father was really fazed by Feyre's lack of communication. her father left on a trip, elain got engaged and Nesta, well we didn't see a tearful welcoming to Feyre on Nesta's part did we?

anti, where is the outcry of her "family" not even really caring if Feyre was safe or not, of what happened to her? it's not like they thought she had died, otherwise, where was the mourning or funeral? no, they just didn't care.

see this is where I know when anti is just full of bullshit. why, WHY, would Feyre invite her family to wedding full of fae? the creatures elain and Nesta fear and hate? for all the talk many anti's spew about Feyre being inconsiderate to Nesta, to her family, you would think Feyre maybe just knows a fae wedding would be the last thing they would want? even then, does Feyre owe them an invitation to her wedding? does she owe them an update on her life? nope. Feyre owed them nothing.

"How about her shit-talking Nesta to a bunch of strangers then having the audacity to ask her to get involved in a war. Oh! This is after she comes into her house and insults their hospitality." - from anti

I hardly think Feyre confiding in individuals who she learned to care about and laying out all the trauma Feyre endured with her family is "shit-talking" but for argument's sake, let's say it is. I still don't see what's wrong? after years of pent-up anger and hurt, would you not let go of everything you withheld inside and explain what was done to you? how you felt? Feyre telling the IC her life story, which contains Nesta's abuse and her family's neglect, was a form of therapy for Feyre. I never read a line where Feyre calls Nesta a "cold-hearted bitch" or called elain "a lazy ditz" she just said the truth. no added embellishments. Cassian was the one who shit-talked Nesta during the dinner scene, never Feyre.

I still don't understand why antis are so against Feyre asking her sisters for help? like the war didn't involve them? they're humans, and you know what the war was about? Hybern wanting to take control of the human lands like they once did and turn them into slaves. those humans included Nesta and elain.

"They could have left the continent" correct, except elain was engaged and refused to leave Grayson. which meant Nesta refused to leave elain. but even so, isn't it the duty of humans to band together and work to overthrow a race of people who want to torture and keep them as slaves? the queens certainly weren't doing their jobs. Feyre asked to use "their" house to meet the queens bc where else would they do it? the queens trust the fae less than Nesta or elain did. but even so, Feyre asking to use their house was a courtesy, that house is rightfully Feyre's. she is the one who sacrificed herself to leave with Tamlin. she did it bravely, courageously, and they got that house thanks to her. they owed Feyre everything. and the only one who acknowledged that was Elain.

that war involved elain and Nesta whether they or Feyre or the anti's liked it or not. not even considering that Nesta and elain are Feyre Archerons sisters, yeah, their family name alone puts a target on their back.

How did Feyre or the court insult Elain's and Nesta's hospitality? You mean when Feyre realized human food differed from fae food? something she did not know about bc she's barely been turned to fae and only had eaten fae dishes? Feyre's grimace towards the human food was an involuntary reaction to someone who is still learning their new body. or was it when Cassian called out Nesta for her cold treatment towards Feyre? if that's the case then fuck decency, I would call out a fake bitch in my presence from minute one. you cant call what Nesta did "hospitality" when all she did was insult Feyre when she didn't even care that Feyre had died, or lost her love bc of abuse, or that her body was changed against her will.

hospitality: the friendly and generous reception and entertainment of guests, visitors, or strangers.

did y'all read something different bc this for sure was nothing Nesta gave to her guests?

----

the rest of the anti post moves towards Rhysand and his actions UTM which I won't go into because I'm mainly just addressing the false interpretations this anti had to say about Feyre and her family.

I'm not sure how to sign off now lol, but I guess just that I hope this was enough to show how this anti's arguments were completely ludicrous and have absolutely no compassion for Feyre, and instead all the compassion for Feyre's abusers. This anti had a real spin on what the actual story was, and I hope the evidence I provided was enough to show that. Anyways yeah my brain is fried, and I'm done arguing with Feyre anti's for a while now, I need to go praise my queen Feyre so I can receive some semblance of peace.

anyways, stan Feyre for clear skin xx

[janetbrown711]

My headcanons about Queen Angelina II

Majority of these can be seen in this fic, so if you like the idea go check it out ;)

Also- a handful of these are shared with the lovely @madelynartz, who also has fantastic takes on her, so be sure to check out their post too

If you want me to draw/write any of these specific headcanons/moments, just send an ask and I’ll probably do it

I’ll (likely) be making another, seperate post for William when i feel like it

Update: I have

This is gonna be a long post-

Early Life:

Her parents weren't very loving or caring, only ever wanting her to work on her studies and singing

Her mother was worse than her father, as she was egotistical and always critical of Angelina II and always seemed to find problems with things and people that made her happy

Her mother also always went by her full name (You had to refer to her as Queen Angelina Contessa Louisa Francesca Banana Fanna Bo Besca the First- she wouldn't let people shorten it)

Naturally- Angelina resented her mother and with that, her own name.

She hates it when people say her full name- "Just Angelina is fine"

But if she especially likes you, you can call her Lena ;)

Since the only thing her parents approved of was studying, she devoured the entire castle library as a child, which left her often more informed than her tudors, which left her bored during lessons and she quickly became a "smart-ass" as she liked to talk back and figure out the ways she could get out of lessons

She hated the idea of getting betrothed, and any time a suitor would come over, she'd attack his pride in any form she could think of to get them to hate her, and she was successful

One of the suitors was Prince Salazar

She hated Salazar the most

Despite her attitude being well known across several kingdoms, rumors of her beauty and wonderous singing kept them coming

Her father, King Harold the Eighth, died when she was 10, and she could hardly say she really grieved him, but it made her mother more distant and sometimes outright cruel

She met William when he was 15 in the royal stables when he was training to be a squire

He fell in love instantly, though Angelina wanted to get to know him first

They were the best of friends since they met, though it was obvious Queen Angelina I disapproved

However, after awhile Angelina just stopped caring about what her mother thought entirely and was much better off

She and William loved to garden together, and always planted new flowerbeds in the palace garden every spring

William proposed when he was 22 and she was 21

Obviously she said yes, but they had to keep it hidden from her mother, who would likely take William away

Luckily for them, Angelina I died a month after he proposed, and the two were quickly married.

Yakko:

Yakko was born 10 months after their wedding

Angelina fell in love instantly, declaring him to be the cutest baby she had ever seen

She's terrible with names, and never named her children until after they were born

She hated the idea of giving him a really long and convoluted name, or a name that was in her family (like Harold the 9th)

And so Yakko it was

She didn't expect motherhood to be so exhausting, but hearing Yakko's laugh for the first time made everything worth it to her

Yakko began babbling at a younger age than most, and he babbled constantly, even in his sleep. Angelina loved to just sit and listen to him try to tell stories in nonsense baby language

However, Yakko seemed to have a preference for hearing William give the bedtime stories, as when she tried to read he got fussy

Once he was able to explain he said "daddo does the voices" and that he preferred her lullabies anyway

It hurt at first, but she understood. William was an excellent story teller, though he did have a tendency to ramble at times

Yakko's favorite story was of how they met

She's very protective, and if he was sick or hurt, she'd never leave his side

Her hair used to be very, very long but once Yakko was able to grab things and kept yanking her hair, she chopped it all off and has kept it short ever since

Wakko:

Wakko didn’t cry or breathe when he was born, so for the first moments of his life, Angelina and William feared he was dead

He wasn’t dead though, and they rejoiced greatly, and cried a lot

Angelina refused to let go of him though, and they were only able to get Wakko away from her when she fell asleep from exhaustion

After about a week or so, she relaxed more, but she needless to say her protectiveness went to new heights 

“Lena, Yakko slept in a crib all the time, it’s fine-” “How do you know that?” “Lena, I was there.”

William did always have a way to reassure her though

However, the extra layer of protectiveness was kinda needed for Wakko, as he loved to bite and chew on everything and anything he could get his little hands on (including his own tail)

She eventually gained what William described as a “sixth sense” where she could just tell when Wakko put something he wasn’t supposed to in his mouth.

Wakko didn’t talk much when he was young, especially when compared to Yakko, though his brother seemed to get him to talk even more than his parents could

They didn’t mind though, whatever worked, worked

Wakko loved following Yakko everywhere he went the moment he could crawl. Angelina thought it was adorable.

Wakko had a tendency to hurt himself a lot (whether by tripping, crashing, bitting his tail too hard, etc.) which forced Angelina to learn that he’ll be okay, and not to overreact or panic, as he was most certainly not made of glass

Angelina had a tendency to be a worry-wart

Dot: 

Angelina became pregnant with Dot right before tensions with Ticktockia started to rise, but William was determined not to let that ruin their optimism about having another child that was hopefully a girl

Angelina really wanted a girl bc Yakko and Wakko didn’t like dressing up and she really hoped a girl would, though she knew there wasn’t ever a guarantee, but she hoped

Angelina went into labor in the middle of a meeting with an ambassador from Ticktockia, but forced herself to finish it bc she ain’t a quitter

Despite Dot being her third child, she took the longest to actually deliver (two days), likely due to the exhaustion from countless meetings with Ambassadors and the stress of trying to avoid war bc King Salazar decided past treaties suddenly didn’t mean anything

Angelina had originally been against giving her her name, as she still associated it with her mother, but William said that he only thought of her, and that she was a much better mother and person than Angelina I could’ve ever been, which changed her mind.

However, she had thought of the name Dot before she was born, and liked it to so she and William agreed they’d just call her that for short, and if you asked them “how is Dot short for Princess Angelina blah blah blah the Third, they’d reply “it just is”)

Though she wouldn’t tell Yakko or Wakko, Dot was most certainly the cutest baby of them all

Wakko and Yakko loved to just... stand over Dot’s crib and watch her do things

Wakko also didn’t grasp what a baby was, and would often try to make her do things, and when she wouldn’t he’d get upset and Angelina or William would have to explain why she can’t play with him with the toy soldiers

She’d often just ramble on and on to Dot as she slept while William watched the boys, talking about the new treaties going up, and how worried she was about what Salazar would do if he didn’t agree with the new treaties and deals. It made her feel better. 

To also ease her worries, she taught Yakko how to take care of his sister. How to burp her, how to change her, how to give her a bath, etc. She hated thinking about what could possibly happen, but knowing they’d survive somehow made her feel much better. 

Dot was three months old when the attack happened, and Angelina wished she had had more time with her before dying.

Misc. (bc I refuse to end on a bad/depressing note)

She had family portraits made after each of her kids were born bc she wanted to always remember how cute of babies they were

Her lullabies worked like magic in terms of getting the three of them to sleep

If you asked her, she thinks Yakko has her eyes, Wakko has her nose, and Dot has her eyes and face shape

In the space between her mother dying and their wedding, she met Hello Nurse, who was a childhood friend of William’s, and they hit it off quite well- so much so that Angelina offered her a job in the castle, but she refused, saying she had plans with some doctor in Acme Falls, which Angelina respected. 

She one time tried to practice knitting in hopes of knitting the kiddos a blanket, but she was  t e r r i b l e  at it, and gave up after a week of trying

William and her liked to throw balls at least once a year, and everyone agreed they were the best dancers out there (what they didn’t know was how much practice Angelina had to put in to get a sense of rhythm- she was a terrible dancer, and William’s natural grace when dancing far exceeded her own)

Despite others protesting, Angelina always suspected that the reason tension was growing with Ticktockia was because Salazar was jealous and upset that she married some random knight rather than him (a theory that was proven right to her right before her death)

Her favorite food was bananas

William was a huge cuddler, so they’d cuddle close every night

she personally tutored Yakko on things like history and geography, as she felt those tended to be the most boring classes, and she wanted to have some part in his education, as she hated all of her teachers when she was a kid

She often didn’t know when to shut up, which did end up costing her in the end, but she didn’t regret a single word she said before her death, as Salazar deserved every bit of it. 

[starlightsearches]

Hi so i had a request idea. Hux being married to some woman bc he had to for propaganda or whatever and reader (who works closely with hux) is with them both and pryde after a meeting or at a gala, and in discussion the wife and pryde are speaking highly of brendol. The reader essentially realises hux’s wife supports and agrees with the abuse that hux has endured and so the reader takes him for a private discussion to reassure and comfort him, show that he has someone on his side. Thank you xx

Someone Else

Ahhh, writing this made me so sad, anon, you have no idea. But also, I loved it and I couldn’t stop 😰 Thank you for the request, I hope you enjoy! (Also I modified the prompt just a little bit and I hope you don’t mind)

Requests are closed ✨

Hux x Reader (no pronouns)

AN: So I’m headed on a little road trip with my sister today, and as soon as I get back, I’ll be packing up and moving, and then immediately starting work at my new school 😱 I’m not sure how this will affect my writing schedule etc, but don’t be too surprised if I’m MIA for the next week or so. I promise I’ll get back to my requests ASAP 💖 love you all 🥰🥰🥰

Warnings: ANGST, infidelity, language, not a happy ending really 🙁

Even in your most creative thoughts, it’s hard to imagine a more pathetic situation than this one. You’ve been in love with General Hux, your boss, for as long as you can remember, too cowardly to tell him how you feel. And now you’ve been forced to plan, and attend, his fucking wedding. To someone else.

You fidgeted through the whole thing: the dinner, the reception, the ceremony. Spent the whole time chewing your lip to pieces with your eyes fixed on the general, waiting for him to say something, to stop this. You could imagine how it would happen perfectly—a vision that sustained you through the whole event.

It would happen during the vows; he'd begin reading the words—the ones that you prepared for him, words about fidelity and commitment but completely void of love—and then he'd falter, pause, and his eyes would find you in the back of the crowd. The audience would fill with whispers, but you wouldn't notice at all, wouldn't hear any of it because he'd be looking at you, he'd see you looking so beautiful in the attire you chose especially for this moment and he'd realize that he’d been blind this whole time, and now . . .

The vision always got a little fuzzy there, but it was only because you couldn't wait for your favorite part: the one where he kissed you in front of all those people, a kiss so dramatic and consuming that everyone would know that it was you he loved. That it had always been you.

It didn't happen that way. No matter how deeply you tried to immerse yourself in a daydream, you couldn't miss the moment your general and his betrothed were pronounced man and wife, and the commitment was sealed with a kiss. The light smattering of applause must have been loud enough to hide the sound of your heart shattering, because no one else seemed to notice.

It’s long over now. You’re alone in the reception area, halfheartedly ripping the silk tablecloths from where they lay before balling them up and throwing them into a messy pile. You don’t have to do it, someone will be coming along to clean up eventually, but you’d like to keep busy. If you go back to your quarters, you’ll have to be alone with your thoughts.

Hux announces his presence with a slight cough that still manages to startle you, and when you turn to face him your heart breaks all over again. He looks very handsome in the uniform he wears, one made especially for this occasion—regal but not too flashy—and your breath catches in your lungs despite your mind's insistence that you're no longer allowed such feelings.

“I thought I’d find you in here, Lieutenant,” he says to break the silence, and you nod as you feel your cheeks grow warm.

“Congratulations, General,” you reply, and you almost manage to sound like you mean it, “or should I call you your highness now?”

He gives you the slightest of smirks, just a hint of a smile in response to your attempt at humor, but you can tell what he’s thinking. Emperor Hux—a title made no less impressive when you consider that it was gained through marriage. It’s what he’s always wanted; you can be happy for him.

“General is still appropriate,” he replies, bouncing slightly on the balls of his feet with pride, “I’m still your commanding officer.”

“Of course, sir,” you reply, and then, because you can’t avoid the subject any longer, "is Bristol getting ready for your departure?" It's the one concession you’ve allowed yourself—refusing to use her title whenever she isn't around. Normally you’d be smug about it, like somehow you were getting back at her, but now it just leaves you feeling empty.

“She's actually entertaining the allegiant general at the moment, in my quarters,” he replies with feigned indifference, even though you know how he feels about Pryde, “he knows her father, apparently they used to be in acquaintance.” You purse your lips in response; there’s really no need for words. It doesn't surprise you that they would get along.

You had wanted to like Bristol. Before you ever met her, you had been determined to like her, hoped desperately that the general had found someone kind and loving and devoted, because he deserved happiness and acceptance even if you weren't the one giving it to him.

Whatever you were hoping for, Bristol is . . . something else. She's beautiful, certainly, and intimidating and determined—all things you would expect from the future empress of her own star system. You've also found her to be unnecessarily cruel and demanding, towards you at least, and anyone else she thought she could look down on.

Not that it matters—you're not the one married to her. And while she might not be affectionate towards the general, she had also never been openly antagonistic. Plenty of people lived through loveless marriages. The general must have taken this into account and decided that it was a worthwhile sacrifice.

They're a handsome couple. A smart couple. And soon enough, the hurt and the wanting would fade and you would be able to move on with your life. He'd just have to stop looking so nice in his uniform first.

"There's something else I need, lieutenant," he says, pulling you from your thoughts, "before I leave. I have some last minute notes, some reminders I forgot to mention before, for my absence." You can’t help but purse your lips again, this time to hide a smile of your own. He's been more nervous about his trip back to the Alfospar System than he had ever been for the wedding, and you can’t really blame him. Two weeks is a long time for someone like him to be away from their work. 

"I know I told you there'd be no talk of work today,” he continues, “but if you wouldn't mind-"

"Please, general, of course I'll take the notes," you interrupt with a smile, "I never believed that you could resist talking about work for a whole day."

You shouldn't tease him like this; you have to stop teasing him at all, because he tries not to smile again, and your pulse starts to race. Whenever he makes that stupid face, all you can think about is peppering his cheeks with kisses, teasing him again until he really would smile and you could bask in the happiness that you created. He only has to hide his smiles when he’s around you, and you’re stupid enough to think that means something. 

"They're in my quarters," he waits for you to drop the table cloth you'd been worrying in your hands throughout the conversation, and then you follow him through the dark and quiet corridors. Neither of you speak—you've spent too much time together to find the silence uncomfortable. Unfortunately, that means that you can hear every word coming from the open door to the general's quarters as soon as you approach.

Maybe they think they're being quiet, or maybe their voices carry, or maybe neither of them mind at all that anyone could wander right outside the door, listening to every word of what should be a private conversation.

"You could have done worse, dear, I'll give you that at least," it's Pryde's voice, his words traveling down the hallway; it’s like he's right next to you, like these are words that you're meant to hear, too, and your heart clenches in your chest because you know that's not the case.

"How exactly could I have done worse, general?" That's Bristol speaking, obviously, her tone all-too familiar, like she's suffering from a headache and she believes you're the cause. You have to stop this conversation now, before one of them says something that can't be unheard. You're about to take the first step, ready to announce your presence with some inane comment that would make Bristol roll her eyes and would hopefully make Pryde swallow whatever insult was about to leave his mouth. You're about to take the first step when Hux stops you with a hand on your shoulder and a look in his eyes that puts an end to any argument.

You hope to the gods that Pryde will, by some miracle, say something nice. Or at least, something not overtly mean. You listen and you wait, brimming with foolish hope, your eyes fastened on the general, watching the way his jaw tightens as he holds his breath, waiting for Pryde to respond.

"You know," he begins, and you can already hear the mirth, already know that his next words are going to be painful and you won't be able to protect the general from them, "I'm not actually sure." There's a slight pause and then the room is filled with their bright, callous laughter, laughter that spills out of the open door and floods the hallway so completely that you feel you might suffocate in it.

"I mean honestly, I don't think I've ever met a man so weak-willed," Bristol speaks again, and she's breathless from laughter, "he is absolutely spineless-"

"Thin as a slip of paper and just as useless," Pryde interrupts,"that's what his father used to say about him."

Bristol laughs again—just a short bark this time—before she responds, "Well, he's certainly no Brendol."

"You'd have thought his father could have beaten him into shape, but . . ." they laugh again—there’s no mistaking General Pryde’s true meaning—and General Hux has heard enough. Before you can even process everything they’ve said, he's turned on his heel, walking back the way you came.

General Hux always walks fast—because he always has places to be, he says—but you have to jog to catch up to him this time, and even then you lag behind. You stumble after him in your dress shoes, cursing the way they pinch your feet before giving up and ripping them off, pursuing him around the corner.

He goes to his office, probably because there's nowhere else for him to go, and you stop just inside the doorway, trying to catch your breath. He busies himself, or tries to, fidgeting with the sparse materials on his desk—intermittently picking up his data pad, dropping it again, running a coarse hand through his hair, then gripping the back of his chair with white-knuckled hands. It strikes you, in this moment, that you've never seen the general cry before. It makes sense—there's never really been a reason for it, but you wish he would cry now, as you feel your own eyes sting with tears, because, somehow, seeing him like this is so much worse.

“General,” your voice is too timid when you speak, and you clear your throat, willing away the tightness that grows steadily as you hold back your tears. He doesn’t look up.

 You go to him, take both of his hands in your own, trying to still him, trying to hide the fact that you're shaking too. In all your time together, you've never seen him act this way. It frightens you.

"I'm sorry." It's not enough, but it's all you have to offer: a fitting metaphor for your relationship. He doesn't respond, won't even look at you with those ice green eyes. "They're wrong about you, sir." You can hardly believe that you have to say it out loud. How could he not see what you saw?

"No, lieutenant," he's dejected in his response, almost hopeless, "I don't think they are." For a moment, it feels like your heart might explode with anger, an all-encompassing anger that fills you whenever you think of Brendol Hux. The general never told you much about his relationship with his father, but you’ve put together some of the pieces. Even after all this time—after all his success—he still falls into the traps set for him by that man. Still finds it so easy to believe that he is worthless despite all the evidence to the contrary.

"How can you say that?" You cup his chin in your hand on instinct, gentle but insistent, forcing him to look you in the eyes. If you weren't so distracted by the conversation at hand, you might have realized that this was the first time you'd ever laid a hand on his bare skin, skin that’s soft and cool beneath your fingers, might have better registered the electricity setting your palm alight at the contact, might have noticed the slight flush that materialized over the general's cheeks in response to your touch. But the anger still clouds your senses, and you don’t notice any of it. "Who knows you better, general? Me or them?"

You've caught him now. You feel the delicate flex of his jaw muscles shift, as he opens his mouth, prepared to argue with you, and then freeze when he realizes that he has nothing to say.

 "You are many things, sir, but spineless is not one of them," you take advantage of his silence, speaking faster, trying to get the words out as quickly as possible so that he won't have to spend another moment in this pain. "I don't think I've ever met anyone braver, or more determined, or more suited to lead . . ." You trail off there, your face growing warm. The nature of your position, your hand on his jaw, has drawn you closer, his face wandering unthinkingly towards yours, and you could count his eyelashes from this distance, number each and every one of his freckles if he'd just stay this close.

"Lieutenant-" General Hux doesn't try to pull away, but there's some distance in his tone. You know what he's thinking. You’re thinking it, too, of course. But you’ve never gotten this close before. 

"Can I kiss you, sir?" You shouldn't, but you have to. If he'll let you. If he wants you to.

"Why?" You feel the whispered question brush up against your cheeks, and despite everything else, you know that this is your moment.

"I just want you to know what it's like," you say, "to feel loved." You wait, take the opportunity to breathe him in, share the same air—something you've done for years but never like this, never close enough to feel the heat of it—the tip of your nose just barely brushing against his as he nods, and he’s shaking a little.

It's not the kiss you had envisioned, as you cup his face in both your hands and pull him closer. You move deliberately, let him watch until he goes cross-eyed and then his eyes fall closed, and your lips meet his, so soft it's more the ghost of a kiss than anything. You wait for him there, wait for him to reciprocate the affection you give him, and he does, pressing his mouth against yours with a tentative kind of tenderness. It's not the kiss you had imagined—it's everything.

You move together, slow and gentle, two familiar people learning each other in an entirely new way, and it's intoxicating—being held by him, feeling the way his hands trail your spine, the way the pad of his thumb traces your jaw. It would be perfect, if he didn't belong to someone else.

"What are we going to do now?" He pulls away just long enough to whisper the question and you don’t let yourself respond, kissing him again while you still can. You don’t want to admit it just yet, but you have no idea what you’re going to do. You haven’t got a clue.

[epochofbelief]

Breath Control Chapter Two

here’s chapter two... unfortunately had to repost these first three chapters bc Tumblr deleted them or something!! 

TWO

“Feyre. Have you done any work for the past hour we have been sitting here?” 

Elain’s voice barely managed to penetrate my thoughts. I looked down at my textbook and shook my head. I had very bad cases of a hangover and a sour stomach. And embarrassment. And a broken heart. 

Thriving.

“Will you please just talk to me?” 

I’d met Elain at the library an hour ago, both of us planning to get some serious homework done before the week got started. I’d managed to tell Elain a little of what had happened last night but she hadn’t pried until now. 

“I don’t think I can talk about it.”

She huffed out a breath. “Feyre. If anyone knows what it feels like to have a broken heart, it would be me. So maybe I could help if you’d just talk to me.”

That’s right. Elain’s ex-boyfriend, Grayson, had broken up with her unexpectedly over the summer. Elain, positive he would be the man she married, and subsequently being denied admissions to the nursing schools she was trying to get into for grad school, had been in bad shape for a couple of months. I wasn’t sure if she was really okay now, or if she was just better at hiding it. She’d attended Mortal University for her undergraduate degree and had wanted to stay there for her masters--and hadn’t gotten in. Luckily she’d applied to Prythian’s school and had been accepted, but it wasn’t where she had wanted to end up at all. Away from her friends and our father, she’d started nursing school at the same time I’d started my sophomore year and I was pretty sure I was her only friend. 

Looked like she was my only friend, too. 

I sighed. Then explained. Tamlin and Ianthe all over each other. My public humiliation. And Rhys, unexpectedly driving me home and taking care of me, which was probably the most unexplainable part of the entire night. I hated it, but Tamlin’s behavior had hurt me but not surprised me. I’d barely said two words to Rhys the entire time I’d been at Prythian. We had a big swim team, about sixty people strong. Rhys and his friends--Cassian, Amren, Azriel, and Mor--were all in the middle distance group. Tamlin and Ianthe were sprinters. I swam distance, for the most part. The different training groups and large numbers made it difficult to bond with every single team member, so I didn’t know Rhys or his group at all. 

“Are you talking about Rhysand Night? That boy is hot.”

I did a double-take. That was a very brazen statement coming from Elain. “When have you ever even seen him?”

She raised her eyebrows. “I’ve been to your swim meets, you know. It’s easy to tell who has the best body and face from the stands.”

I groaned. “He saw me puke, Elain! I drunkenly poured my heart out to him. He must think I’m some kind of idiot. And now I am friendless on the team. Friendless. Especially after Rhys tells all his friends how pathetic I am.” I leaned over and put my face on my textbook. “I should quit now and cut my losses.”

Elain whacked me on the arm. “You most certainly will not quit! That beautiful boy was just--”

“Feyre?” 

I stilled. If I hadn’t recognized that voice last night, I definitely did now. Positive my cheeks were a flaming red, I slowly sat up. 

“Hey, Rhys,” I said meekly, my hand coming up in a very awkward wave. I shoved it back down.

“You ladies talking about beautiful boys? Surely no one around here, right?” He asked smoothly, folding his arms and leaning against a bookshelf.

Thank God Elain blushed for me. “Nobody you’d know.” 

He raised his brows and I prayed he hadn’t heard anything else. “Hey, I was going to text you. . . Then I realized I didn’t have your number. You left your wallet in my car last night… I didn’t find it until this morning. It’s in my backpack. I can go grab it and bring it to you.” 

I couldn’t believe I hadn’t even realized it was gone. “No, no, I’ll come with you. You don’t have to make another trip.” And ignoring his protests I jumped up and took off through the shelves. For some reason, I didn’t want him anywhere near Elain when she was casually throwing about the word “beautiful.” I scoffed. He wasn’t that attractive.

I was halfway through the stacks when I realized I didn’t actually know where I was going. “Uh…” 

“All my friends are over there. Are you sure you don’t want me to just grab it for you and bring it to you here?” 

I stopped in my tracks. I had the feeling he knew I wasn’t in the mood to speak to anyone right now. A mood I had been in for the past few months, but. . . I blew out a breath.  “Um. Yeah. Thank you.”

He squeezed past me, and for a moment I found myself so close to him I could feel his body heat as he turned and sidestepped through the narrow space between me and the shelves. I could have sworn he was holding his breath as he passed, and I had to crane my neck to see his face. Our eyes met. I shivered.

Then he was gone. I blew out another breath and slumped against the shelf behind me. What was wrong with me? I’d been broken up with Tamlin for less than twenty-four hours and I was already noticing other guys. Disgusted with myself, I stared at the titles across from me. 

Rhys was back in less than a minute, my wallet in his outstretched hand. I took it from him, taking extra care not to brush his hand with mine. “Thanks.” 

I made to turn around and return to the safety of Elain’s aura when he reached out and brushed my shoulder. “Are you doing okay? You know, after everything?”

“You don’t have to worry about me, Rhys. You already made sure I got home okay.”

He crossed his arms. “Yeah but I’d kind of be an asshole if I didn’t at least check in. Now tell me. Are you okay?”

His gaze didn’t falter from mine as he looked at me. His gorgeous face was serious. He was really asking. He wanted a genuine answer. Good or bad, he wanted to know. 

“No.” 

And when I turned around, he let me go.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

The rest of the day passed in a blur. Elain and I spent six hours in the library and I skipped out on the girls’ team dinner, claiming I had homework. I spent the evening locked in my room, dreading the inevitable moment when I ran into Ianthe, who was, after all, my roommate. Bitch, I muttered under my breath. 

It was eight o’clock and I had no plans for the rest of my evening, so I changed into my pajamas and flopped on the bed. Fully prepared to spend the night binging a TV show, I retrieved ice cream from my fridge and got under the covers. An hour into The Witcher, I got a text.

Rhysand Night: You’re going to practice in the morning, right?

I frowned. He was clearly texting the wrong person. And how did he have my number?

I opened the text and discovered that he had texted his phone from mine last night… 

Me: I was planning on it

Rhysand Night: Just checking. I know you may not feel like going right now, but I don’t want to see you getting in trouble

Being a part of a college level swim team meant twenty hours of training a week. Practice at 5:30 in the morning most weekdays and again in the afternoon. I didn’t know why Rhys felt the need to check on me--missing practice meant getting chewed out by the head coach. If you missed more than one practice, you got suspended. No way would I blatantly take that risk.

Me: I’ll be there

I shut off my phone and went to bed.

----------------

I barely dragged myself out of practice the next morning. And the morning after that. And the morning after that. For two weeks after Halloween, I ignored Ianthe as much as humanly possible. She made no attempt to apologize. Tamlin had even kept his distance. I showed up at practice, swam (albeit poorly), went to class, went to practice, and went home. I was reaching new levels of anti-social. Elain was busy with study groups and classes and Nesta wouldn’t be in town for another week. She worked as a flight attendant and split her time between our father's and her and Elain’s shared place.

I just couldn’t bring myself to do anything besides school and swim. The fact that I had wasted a year of my life on Tamlin Spring was tearing me apart from the inside out. And breaking up with him had made me realize all of the things I had wasted my life on for the past year. Why was I pursuing a degree in exercise science when I loved literature and art? Why had I put all my effort into one friendship with a bitch who had stabbed me in the back at her first opportunity? I had no other friends on the swim team I had chosen during my recruitment process, thinking it was the “place for me.” I was in the wrong place, had chosen the wrong people, and was aiming for the wrong future. The worst part was, it was all my fault. My blindness had seeped into every part of my life and I barely knew who I was without my overbearing boyfriend and the friend who had steered me around for my entire college experience.

On Thursday morning, over a week and a half after the Halloween party, Coach King texted me to meet him in his office after my classes for the day were over. I hadn’t been able to stop thinking about it since. An impromptu meeting with Coach King usually implied a fate worse than death. At this point, I deserved anything he had to say to me. My grades had fallen in the past few weeks (I had failed a test on Monday and two quizzes since then) and my training had continued to worsen. 

My suspicions proved correct when I arrived for the meeting and Coach King started explaining the reason he had called me to his office. He mentioned my grades and my training and the fact that I had barely spoken or shown any signs of life at practice for days. He wanted to know what was wrong. He wanted to know what he could do to help. But mostly, he wanted me to fix it--fast. Then he told me he was moving me to the middle distance training group.

“Wh--what?!”

Moving training groups in the middle of the year was unheard of. Potentially season-ending. If he was moving me from distance to middle distance, he was most likely saying I wouldn’t travel or compete for the rest of the year. It took time to adjust to a new training regimen. 

I tried to protest, but he told me he had made his decision and felt I was more cut out for middle distance events anyway. The adjustment wouldn’t be too drastic. And he wanted me to take the rest of the week off and start fresh on Monday. 

That’s the thing about college athletics. Coaches can be great coaches. They can get a team from nothing to something quick if they know what they’re doing. Some can even do that and help their swimmers develop as people, too. But for most coaches, when it came down to it, weakness was weakness, no matter the reason. And I was currently the weakest link on the team. Coach King had to do something about it and this was apparently the best he could come up with.

I mumbled something to Coach King about seeing the sports psychologist and trying harder at the new practices. I felt certain he had vague ideas about the couples on the team, so he probably knew about my Tamlin situation. I didn’t feel the need to mention it to him. I left his office and made it all the way down the five flights of stairs and out the back entrance into the cloudy, chilly afternoon before I allowed myself to cry. 

I had messed up my life so royally that I had no idea how to fix it. I wouldn’t be surprised if Coach King kicked me off the team in a matter of weeks. We had a travel meet coming up, and I felt certain that I wouldn’t make the cut. I’d be stuck at Prythian U while all my teammates that I had developed no relationship with would travel. 

Head down, I was rushing to my car as my tears fell when I ran headfirst into a warm body. 

“Oh my gosh I’m so sorry--”

“We have to stop meeting like--Feyre.”

“Rhys.” I kept my eyes on the crack in the parking lot pavement at my feet.

“Are you okay?”

“You’ve got to stop asking me that question! I know you don’t care! Let me deal with this by myself.” I made to push past him but he followed me to my car anyways. 

“Feyre. I do care. I’m your teammate. And it doesn’t seem like anybody else on the team is lining up to ask how you’re doing, so I’m here to do that. I want to help you.” Something in his voice made me pause, but I couldn’t figure out what it was.

“Just fuck off. You don’t even know me.”

He threw up his hands as I struggled to unlock my extremely old Volkswagen with the key fob. My tears and anger were making it very hard to open the door.

“For God’s sake, Feyre! Would you stop being so damn difficult and let someone help you? You’ve been a ghost at practice these past few weeks and Coach King just told me you were moving to my training group.”

I unlocked my car and wrenched it open. “Leave me alone.”

Rhys grabbed my car door and refused to let me close it. I glared at his stupid, gorgeous, violet eyes. “I bet you like this. An excuse to just give up, get yourself kicked off the team. Much easier than having to face Tamlin at practice everyday, much easier than having to make new friends.”

I narrowed my eyes. And slapped him across the face. 

He touched his cheek. A spark of satisfaction lit up against the confusion and depression that lived within my gut. I had surprised him. And shut him up.

“Wow. I guess I deserved that. But you know I’m right.”

And the fact was, I did. He had said out loud what was going on deep inside me, what I was dangerously close to giving in to. I was shocked someone I barely knew could even begin to fathom what was going on so deep within my brain that I had yet to admit it to myself.  But most of all, I was angry. Angry that this boy thought he had some sort of right to me pouring out my heart to him or at the very least accepting his help. He wasn’t a captain. He had no jurisdiction over me. 

“Fine! You’re right! Are you happy now?” I wanted to wipe the smug look off his face. I cast around for something, anything to make him understand even a little bit what I was feeling. “Any other accusations you want to spit at me to make me hate myself more than I already do?” 

His smirk fell. Satisfied once more, I thought he’d let me leave, but he held fast to my car door. 

“Tell me what to do to help you. Tell me and I’ll do it.”

I blinked. I thought he would yell at me some more. I hadn’t expected such an open offer, more raw and entreating than anything Tamlin had ever said to me.

 I hated that my year with Tamlin had made me think that a guy treating me nicely was a rare commodity. I deserved to be treated with more kindness than Tamlin had ever bestowed on me. I knew that, and yet--I didn’t know how to accept that kindness anymore. I was now so deeply confused about myself, my team, and Rhys that I merely stood there, staring at Rhys without really seeing him, and contemplating the nature of my existence for the past year. 

Rhys, appearing to come to the conclusion that I had nothing to say in response to his entreaty, cleared his throat. “I know there’s a team party this weekend, as per usual. But my friends and I are going to hang out ourselves and stay sober since we have a meet the weekend after. I want you to come. In fact, I insist.”

I opened my mouth to protest, but he kept talking. “If you don’t show, I’ll tell the captains you haven’t actually been sick or studying during the past two team meetings you’ve missed. I’ll text you the address. Come. Please. We won’t talk about Tamlin or anything difficult. Plus, you should probably meet your new training group.”

That was right. Rhys and all his friends were in the middle distance group. I’d be subject to all of them starting Monday. 

And because I couldn’t think of any excuse, because I couldn’t have the captains knowing the concrete truth about my absences, because maybe somewhere deep within me desired help, I agreed.

[prosopopeya]

New Year’s Meme

this survey has been a tradition among my friend group for YEARS, but i haven’t filled it out since 2015 apparently. i’m not entirely sure why except 2016 was the year a lot of stuff changed for me, namely in that i finally got out of school in some form and started a new job, but i also had a few health problems that kept plaguing me (thyroid medicine being off, vitamin d) and my anxiety was all over the place. so here we go i’m doing it again and feel free to do it too if you want!!

1. What did you do in 2020 that you’d never done before? tried on wedding dresses. taught virtually. dealt (poorly) with drunk teenagers. performed in a pep rally. wore face masks all the time. i’m going to lump in living with someone. jon moved in october 2019, but i don’t think i did this quiz last year so. taught ap.

2. Did you keep your New Years’ resolutions and will you make more for next year? i don’t really like resolutions. they put too much pressure on me and i am a fragile person when it comes to setting expectations and living up to them. i did want to try to read more this year, and i maintained that until the pandemic, and then just kind of gave up requiring myself to do anything but live.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? i don’t think so. a coworker did.

4. Did anyone close to you die? jon’s cousin committed suicide in march or april. the circumstances were pretty upsetting. um. andy died in february, very suddenly. andy was my high school boyfriend for four years with whom i had a very... he scarred me in a lot of ways when it comes to sex and consent. it’s taken me a long time to unpack all of that. and i struggle with how much any of that was his fault or just bc he was a stupid kid too. our mutual friends had nothing but nice things to say about him on fb. anyway. he would guilt me into saying he’d kill himself if we broke up, and jon’s cousin killed himself over his girlfriend. so that was a complex part of the year.

5. What countries did you visit? none. literally the week before the quarantine, we went to asheville to visit jon’s cousin.

6. What would you like to have in 2021 that you lacked in 2020? maybe a different job? or at least some peace at doing mine.

7. What date from 2020 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? march 13 we cancelled classes and had a technology training day; the 15th we had another one, and then we were virtual the rest of the term. it was such a sudden shift and while i so loved working from home tbh, it was such a relief after a supremely shitty january/february work-wise, i still had a lot of keyed-up, stressful days centered around transitioning to being the senior upper school spanish teacher. i hate it!

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? writing 50k in the month of november. i have literally never done that before and actively reject nano as being typically unhealthy for how my mind works, so it was nice to do it entirely by accident.

9. What was your biggest failure? mishandling the drunken teenagers on that field trip in january.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? i sit crosslegged in my virtual teaching chair and i did it so much that my ankle hurt for the entire summer.

11. What was the best thing you bought? we put a deposit on our elopement in ireland. jon’s wedding ring. (i didn’t buy my wedding dress.)

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? my best friend at work who keeps me sane and is represented by benny in my au, which other than the fact that he is not my sidepiece, is perfect he is crucial to my survival at work and i love him so much. (also he is gay and the french teacher so the benny parallels just keep coming). everyone who tore down a statue in virginia (and other places, but especially monument avenue). everyone putting their lives on the line during this pandemic.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? guess! but aside from all the obvious, i found out a friend of mine at work voted for trump. my work bff and i had been trying for years to sway his politics, but that had us both deciding to give up on him.

14. Where did most of your money go?  food, ALCOHOL. god., our savings account. i did a pretty excellent job saving this year, though a good deal of that is because jon moved in and makes more money than me, and also we split all the bills.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? my wedding dress but strangely only when i went to try it on after it came in bc after the purchase i was so sure i’d made every mistake possible. my wedding band. wellbutrin changing my whole life. and, last but certainly not least, the gay angel and the bi(lingual) hunter. i wouldn’t have survived nov-dec in school without that distraction. the election.

16. What song(s) will always remind you of 2020? the entirety of taylor swift’s oeuvre this year, maybe specifically “this is me trying”

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:  i. Happier or sadder? happier, i suppose, perhaps contrary to what should be the case, but wellbutrin is a hell of a drug. ii. Older or wiser? wiser. ii. Richer or poorer? richer.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? reading. cleaning. exercising.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? stressing. chaperoning.

20. How will you be spending Christmas? so, an update; last year was the first year i didn’t go to my mom’s for christmas. i was supposed to see her for thanksgiving last year, but she basically told us not to come bc she wasn’t feeling up to it (cool!), and we went to jon’s for christmas and my mom’s for new year’s. 

this year, obviously we couldn’t go to my mom’s. instead, we rented a little cabin by the lake. it was perfect; it was really really nice inside, the beds were SO SOFT, the pillows were the best things i have ever laid my head on, like i took off the pillowcases to try to find the brand. we had a little tiny christmas tree with tiny ornaments from walmart that we decorated. the 23rd, we went and picked up our wedding bands. we slept two nights in the (cold) back bedroom so i could wake up and look out at the lake. it snowed for christmas. :)

we opened presents on christmas eve, per jon’s family’s tradition. on christmas eve, we also went to his family farm and sat outside and hung out a little. every year his family does like a secret santa sort of thing and i got my first present in that exchange, which is notable bc jon and i are not yet officially married. i got a remote control car -- jon’s idea bc i couldn’t think of anything, and he was so delighted to hear that i loved playing with rc cars when we went to the beach as a kid.

christmas morning we facetimed my parents and opened some presents together. then jon and i marathoned mandalorian (after spending the previous few days watching several die hard movies), and then we watched wonder woman 1984 which was a bad movie.

21. How will you be spending New Year’s Eve? ok LAST year for new year’s, we were in a hotel room, so that was nice, bc it meant minimal stress with my parents. i had always wanted to go to this restaurant near us that has a special new year’s menu, so we did that. the night before or after i think we went to cheesecake factory, which was also amazing.

this year currently i’m tumbling and he’s playing pokemon, and in a bit we’ll try to time it so we finish schitt’s creek in time for the new year.

22. Did you fall in love in 2020? i re-fell in love with supernatural so that was nice.

23. How many one-night stands? 0. i submit we should randomly change question 23 each year to something more relevant to any of our life experiences.

24. What was your favorite TV program? what did i even watch this year. schitt’s creek. mandalorian. i mean obviously we know supernatural. the circle. are you the one (the queer season). pose. unsolved mysteries. we’re here! perry mason. watchmen. oh maybe that mcdonald’s monopoly fraud documentary. avenue 5. i’ll be gone in the dark. of those i think my favorite maybe is... pose or we’re here.

OKAY UM. on my 2014 version of this there were a bunch of questions about tv shows that i’m putting back in if only for the memories:

25. Which TV shows did you start watching in 2020? the haunting of bly manor, which we still need to finish. derry girls.

26. Which TV shows did you let go of in 2020? HERE’S WHY I WANTED TO RESURRECT THESE. here was my answer in 2015: “supernatural. goodbye, my sweet prince.” CAN YOU EVEN FUCKING BELIEVE

27. Which TV shows did you mean to get into but didn’t in 2020? Why? so far, queen’s gambit and that one on hulu with catherine the great. EVENTUALLY. 28. Which TV shows do you intend on checking out in 2020? fleabag. queen’s gambit. 29. Which TV show do you think you might let go of in 2020 unless things significantly improve? idk i drop things pretty regularly if they don’t entertain me 30. Which TV show impressed you least in 2020? GUYS HERE’S MY ORIGINAL 2015 ANSWER: “supernatural. :(”

anyway back to the rest of the quiz:

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? every person who refuses to listen to facts and information.

26. What was the best book you read? killers of the flower moon: the osage murders and the birth of the fbi, or the his dark materials series.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery? well i knew about tswift so i’m not going to count her albums. i will count this song that jon played for me once in the car that got stuck in my head for two weeks straight and led me down into a great related-songs spotify playlist: through the roof ‘n underground.

28. What did you want and get? a wedding dress and a very specific kind of wedding band. a gay angel. a christmas getaway. animal crossing.

29. What was your favorite film of this year? idk i don’t know how many films i saw this year. maybe mucho mucho amor: the legend of walter mercado

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? i was 32. we went to an escape room with a BUNCH of people -- work bff, my old work bff and his wife (old bc he quit and we’ve fallen out of touch :(), the cool new physics teacher and his fiancee, and the aforementioned trump voter and his wife, before we knew... we went out for brunch/lunch after. it was pretty great!

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? not having to chaperone that school trip in january. dean being bi in english as well as spanish. cas just ilke, appearing in 15x20. not having to physically go back to work this fall.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2020? no! real! pants!

34. What kept you sane? jon. supernatural (in a way?). animal crossing for a while. wellbutrin! i haven’t really been able to detail this yet, but finally i did something about tumblr and my therapist making me think about adhd. my doctor gave me wellbutrin (bc i lack any official diagnosis and was on anxiety meds anyway, and he was like let’s try this!) and it’s fucking. it’s a fucking godsend. surprisingly enough, my students. trying to provide them a safe space has been a calming thing for me.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? jensen ackles’ silence. misha collins again, i guess.

36. What political issue stirred you the most? the summer was so fucking intense. i guess though it was me trying to exert my influence in a responsible way with my students without trying to try to make them feel uncomfortable but then one kid was a vocally upset trump supporter after the election and i had to try to defuse that situation.

37. Who did you miss? my old work bff. several old friends that i’ve fallen out of touch with bc i have no object permanence.

38. Who was the best new person you met? people i met through the spn resurgence!

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2020: if you manifest it in an au, it will come. no really though. maybe that expectations are only as important as i make them out to be.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: usually i have a hard time coming up with anything for this and i default to looking at my most played songs of the year. my most played song of the year received each and every one of its plays within the month of november and you can guess why. anyway see if this works

I had all and then most of you Some and now none of you Take me back to the night we met I don't know what I'm supposed to do Haunted by the ghost of you Take me back to the night we met - the night we met, lord huron

[lusilvas]

Luana’s introduction !!

( cisfemale ) haven’t seen LUANA SILVA around in a while. the BRUNA MARQUEZINE lookalike has been known to be (+) AMBITIOUS & (+) DEXTEROUS, but SHE can also be (-) PETTY & (-) GULLIBLE. The 22 year old is a JUNIOR majoring in COMPUTER SCIENCE. I believe they’re living in POTENTAS but I popped by earlier and no one answered the door. ( sarah. 19. gmt+1. she/her. )

PAST

⤷ born in São Paulo, Brazil on the 12th of February and moved to NY to her uncle and aunt at the age of eight because her parents died during a car accident when they drove her home from school ⤷ has 4 younger cousins ⤷ has always been a very bubbly child which didn’t change much in the future, she’s still bouncy and spry and is energetic at all times ??   ⤷ got into a lot of mischief as a kid because of her cousins plus being clumsy made it hard on her parents to take care of the 5 rambunctious kids ⤷ broke a lot of bones as a child ⤷ has always been very cherished by everyone and is therefore so loving and affectionate ??like sure her parents were busy often but she always had someone around

PERSONALITY ⤷ not much has changed with her, she’s basically just very affectionate and loving ⤷ is very open with her emotions and is very easy to read when something irritates her or makes her feel down ⤷ is usually a couch potato, doesn’t clean her room much and loves a messy bun and just a shirt as a daily look and doesn’t really care too much about her appearance ⤷ really in nowhere fancy but boy if she tries she a 10 ⤷ however, WHEN she wants to go out, she fuckin goes ham y’all like to an extend where she needs friends to carry her home when she’s drunk and probably vomits all over the place ⤷ also very shameless, wears what she wants, does what she wants, ain’t embarrassed to do dumb stuff ⤷ complete video game fanatic, will probably beat you without any regrets ⤷ will watch a horror movie with you but will probably have her eyes closed 89% of the time ⤷ falls in love 14 times a day, will probably have a crush on you when you open the door for her⤷ inserts needy by ariana grande ⤷ is used to having one of her cousins’ sleep next to her whenever they had nightmares so now that she lives alone she can’t really sleep until there’s someone with her ?? real adult lu ⤷ so yeah cuddles are necessary for her survival ⤷ if not a trip to dunkin donuts at 5 am will do too ⤷  very dreamy, kind of has a disney princess brain where everything is just jolly and cotton candy ⤷ a bad flirt when she tries but a really good one when she’s just having a good time and  just a free spirit ⤷ pretty easy to take advantage of / be manipulated considering she wants to make everyone feel validated and is pretty selfless ⤷ loves, loves, loves plants, especially cactus ⤷ kisses her friends on the cheek during every greeting and goodbye ⤷ very trustworthy ⤷  still visits Brazil whenever possible because it’s just where she grew up and she doesn’t wanna lose herself at a different place kinda thing ⤷ breaks her own heart on a daily by false hope ⤷ loves rock climbing and other activities that don’t necessarily include the city ⤷ also loves baking and will probably make you muffins ⤷ has Lepidopterophobia ( fear of butterflies )

PLOT W ME

MOST WANTED PLOTS also here

Cheater – Someone she was in a relationship with for a really long time ( around 2 to 5 years ) to an extend in which she thought he’d be the guy she’d eventually marry, grow old with and have kids with but turns out he had been cheating on her with multiple people already and broke her entire heart and view of love once she caught him. ( possibly including a bet )

Emergency call – That person who needs to keep their phone around them at all times when Lu goes partying, or just comes along to take care of her. As mentioned before, she likes to go too far whenever she parties so she needs someone to take her home safely bc she’ll most certainly sleep in one of the bushes.

Adventures – Someone she goes on road trips with, away from everything. She just likes to wander around in new places, climb, go to a lake somewhere further away and just have a good time. Discover the undiscovered, do something a lil wild more as in nature yanno

[bmp-slbp-matchup]

Ooh! I saw where you said matchups are open atm and I got excited bc I’ve always been curious about who I’d match with in SLBP lol~. so i guess I’ll just list what I think are the most important qualities about me…

• I’m 5’4” with long, curly, brown hair, pale skin, lots of freckles, green eyes, and a petite physique. • I want to be an elementary school teacher. • I love animals and live on what I call a hobby farm with over 30 pets, most of which are rescues. • My favorite hobbies are listening to music, reading, photography, and riding horses. • I’m an ENFP. • I’M NAIVE AND SUPER GULLIBLE (PLS HELP ME). • I’m really clumsy… I run into walls and trip over my own feet on a regular basis…… 😅 • I’m pretty optimistic and empathetic with people, I like to call myself the therapist friend since people usually trust me with personal stuff and I try to support them as best I can through hard times just as much as I would during happy times. • I personally believe in sex after marriage, so I take relationships really seriously and only date someone I can see myself potentially marrying and starting a family with. LOL I don’t like to mess around. • PDA IS SO EMBARRASSING. IF SOMEONE EVEN JUST HUGS ME, I’LL BLUSH. I’m super shy about affection, but I still like to flirt, I’m just not very suave about it I guess…? • I’m weird cause I like cute n cheesy relationships, but I don’t like people obsessed and acting like a lovesick puppy over me…? It just gets old real quick imo.

I’m sure this is plenty of info for a matchup,,, Thanks in advance, Rose!! Please, take your time and don’t feel pressured to respond to this or anything. I hope you have a blessed week! ❤️❤️❤️

Date Masamune

Even though most people don't acknowledge it, Masamune values human lives and would feel attracted to you because you do, too. He would admire your desire to work for children's futures as much as he would praise your commitment to help animals. At first glance he might not seem like it, but Masamune is compassionate and would therefore share your interest in helping and supporting as many beings as possible. It is not only because of his younger brother that he prioritizes his folk's future, but because of his dedication and nature.

Your approaches might be different in certain matters and Masamune can appear cold compared to your softness, but he too is in fact zealous about things he deems important. That wouldn't be a hurdle in your relationship at all, as you can be rather credulous, while Masamune himself always prefers to be suspicious. He wouldn't even think of taking advantage of that treat of yours, but would make sure to watch over you instead, so that others cannot either.

However you would spot Masamune's more gentle side soon, considering your caring character  and willingness to stay with him, even if he is struggling. That would be important to him, as he isn't one to open up immediately and faces hardship often enough. Your patience and optimism would soothe him and make him understand that he can rely on you. He can be a difficult person, especially at the beginning, but Masamune is devoted, too. He would respect that you're taking your relationships seriously and would understand the sentiment, as he is the same.

Both of you aren't the most ingenious people when it comes to showing affection in public, getting embarrassed and overwhelmed easily, but thanks to your clumsiness and tendency to stumble and fall combined with Masamune watching your every step and certainly coming to your rescue each time, it could not be avoided to end up in each other's arms at times. However it wouldn't be as awkward as one might think, as he would make an effort not to make you uncomfortable of course, so you would be able to laugh about it afterwards.

In privacy, Masamune can be even more tender, in his very own way, without mawkishly spoiling you until you get enough of it.

[nightglider124]

Japan: My Trip

Thought I’d put together a little photo diary of my two weeks in Japan because why not and I just like to share with my tumblr pals.

Read on to find out what I got up to.

Sunday 13th May

This was the day I flew out to Japan. I packed my bag and was ready to leave at 11am UK time. I’m not gonna lie to ya’ll, I was an emotional mess, leaving my family behind. 

You should know, I’ve never been on a trip without my family and I’ve never been out of Europe. So, going out to Japan with just my best friend was a big thing for me. So, was pretty tearful and then my mum like burst into tears; she’s a worrier. 

Anyway, my dad dropped me off at the airport to meet my bestie and we did all the boring airport stuff and soon enough, we were on the plane. The sky is ridiculously pretty at different times during an overnight flight or at least, a flight that crosses different time zones. 

Pretty uneventful. I mostly ate, slept and wrote chapter 1 of CTD: Bound. 

Monday 14th May

So, I arrived in Japan’s Narita airport at 11am.

Then I went up and grabbed my suitcase as well as going and grabbing my pocket wifi - Something that is tremendously helpful if you go to Japan. I don’t know what it’s like for you guys but in London, I pretty much have wifi anywhere I go whereas in Japan, it wasn’t as easy to come across; at least not for free. 

The pocket wifi was a godsend. It can connect up to 10 devices and it lasts all day long when fully charged. Now, there were a couple times it tapped out but you just need to turn it off and turn it on again. 

It cost about £60 for 2 weeks but if you’re going with people, it works out better. Me and my friend split it so we only paid £30 each but very worth it.

But, yeah, defo recommend this for anyone who is going to Japan. It was a big help, especially when needing to look up locations and/or directions.

Next, we went and grabbed our Japan rail passes which look like so:

This was probably the best thing I bought for Japan. Not even joking. 

Even if you aren’t going very far, this thing helps so much. It’s a pass that allows you to use any trains that are owned by the JR company which is a fair amount that helps you get around Tokyo and surrounding districts. Note: You have to buy it before you fly to Japan and take the exchange form that comes in the post with you to Japan. You exchange it at the airport and they give you the passes above. Just make double sure your passport has been stamped because otherwise, they won’t let you have it. 

Anyway, this was £310 for 2 weeks but again: WORTH IT. It does depend on what you’re doing but me and my friend were out and using transport every single day. We also went far. We went to Hiroshima, Kyoto and Osaka - All covered by the passes. And for example, £310 is basically a return ticket to Kyoto so you are already making your money back. 

So, we picked these up and using them, hopped on the shinkansen (bullet train) to Shinjuku (Sound familiar, Titan fans? Yes, it’s the ‘roughest part of town’ according to Robin in the Trouble in Tokyo movie). It took about an hour and then we checked into our hotel which was: Shinjuku Prince Hotel.

It was a really nice hotel actually. The staff were friendly and spoke really good English. I recommend staying here; it’s right in the heart of busy Shinjuku and was only 5 mins from the station. We booked a deluxe twin room because two rooms worked out more expensive and it was not too shabby at all. I didn’t actually take any pictures so I snubbed some off google.

Anyway, we were running a little late and we had tickets to the Studio Ghibli museum so naturally, I was freaking out because the website expresses that they are strict on being on time for your slot. I nearly had a breakdown because... dunno if ya’ll remember but I had a right time trying to get a hold of these tickets. They sell out so quickly it is unreal. Anyway, our slot was 4pm and they only allow you to be 30 mins late. 

We arrived at 4:50pm and I was close to tears as I ran into the park it’s situated in. I was so annoyed and so scared they weren’t going to let us in. But...

They did!! The guy was so sweet; I think he could see by my face how much I wanted to go inside. He was like all smiley and was like it’s okay, go on in. I was like THANK YOU JESUS. Here are some photos:

They don’t allow photography inside to preserve the magic of visiting. And honestly, it was so nice inside. It felt just like a Ghibli movie and seeing the animation process and the short film and the original drawings... it was all so amazing. Being a Ghibli fan makes this 1000% better but it’s still great for people who aren’t as into it. My friend isn’t really into Ghibli movies but she thought it was still pretty cool whereas there was me in like awe over all of it.

Anyway, we stayed there about an hour and as you can imagine, we were frazzled af. We were tired from the flight but I wanted us to force ourselves to stay up so jet lag wasn’t as much a problem. 

After, we made our way back to Shinjuku where I took some pics from my hotel room:

Then we grabbed some McDonalds which was literally just across from us; something quick so we didn’t starve. I facetimed my family, showered and fell asleep.

Tuesday 15th May

So, the first full day we were there, it was a more chilled, sightseeing day. Nothing too taxing and we felt a lot more refreshed after a proper sleep.

First, we went and checked out the Tokyo Imperial Palace which was really pretty but we couldn’t go inside. It was mega hot the entire time we were in Japan; I thought I’d die. I hate the heat.

And because I was out in the heat all day and didn’t think to put suncream on... yeah, you can see where this is going... 

More on that later, because then we carried on to the Yasukuni shrine which is just down the street from the East Gardens of the palace. 

The shrine was cool and everything was so pretty; very tranquil and peaceful.

In the afternoon, we headed over to the Sunshine City mall in Ikebukuro where I forced my friend into the Pokemon Centre Store which was LIT.

I was fucking excited, ya’ll. I got some really cute stuff too. Got myself some Mimikyu chopsticks, an Eevee tail key holder, a Pikachu glasses case, a Pikachu makeup bag and a little Mimikyu figure bc Mimikyu is a fave and I have no cool stuff with it on. 

I also got my brother most of his souvenirs in here because we have loved Pokemon since the dawn of time. I mean, we’ve fallen out of it in recent years because all the new gen pokemon etc... we’re more for the original pokemon and original series and games. Seriously, when kids come up to me like, do you even know Pokemon I’m like bitch step back you don’t even KNOW. It’s like I got a Pokemon CD for my brother and it had a japanese version of one of the songs from the first movie and we were like screaming. That film man, don’t even look at me.

Ahem... the Pokemon store was so wicked but mega expensive like shit son. Glad I took so much money with me because I NEEDED IT.

After the Pokemon store, we went down a level to the Studio Ghibli store where I didn’t get as much stuff as I thought I was gonna. 

But, I got a Spirited Away fan with No Face on it, a Totoro and No face figure as well as a Totoro bib and hat for my niece. 

Then we went and had fooood where I noticed... I was extremely sunburnt... Like in the below pic, you can’t see it that much because it hadn’t really come out full pelt yet.

Pls ignore my hamster face but see my chest? Burny burny burnt burnt. I got back to the hotel later that night and I had the shakes where it was hot and all the heat was there rather than all over. It was horrible.

I’m lucky I decided to wear full on makeup that day otherwise my face would have gotten buuurnt. Well done, Estee Lauder foundation, well done.

But yeah, it wasn’t the best end to the day because then I was all uncomfortable and my skin was sensitive and I was mad at myself for not putting on cream so then I got all upset and cried but I think I was still tired from the journey too and I was overwhelmed but yeah; kinda sucked.

Other than the sunburn, I also didn’t pack shorts for under my dress so my thighs rubbed and were in agony as well as my vans gave me like 4 blisters on each foot so I couldn’t walk or at least was in extreme pain when I tried so getting back to the hotel was a damn hoot.

Besides all that, it was a pretty good day!

Wednesday 16th

This was the day we trekked all the way down to Hiroshima which is like a 5 hour journey by train. We had to take two trains but it was actually not too bad. It certainly didn’t feel like it took that long to get down to Hiroshima. 

One thing I will say about longer train journeys; remember to reserve a seat. Some like the one from Narita Airport are reserve only so you have to reserve a seat for it. But, others don’t need it and have “non reserved” cars but mark my words, if you’re travelling on these trains at a busy time, it really pays off to reserve a seat. We didn’t for Hiroshima and whilst we found seats for the 3 hour part of the journey; on the second train, we had to stand for like 45 minutes because there were no seats and then even when we did get to sit down, it was separated so yeah; book your train seats, people.

Once we arrived in Hiroshima, we hopped on a ferry which took us to Miyajima island. It’s about a 10 minute journey and once again, it’s covered by the JR pass. I loved that thing to death not even kidding.

Here’s some pictures I took on the ride over:

This island is home to the big red Torii gate that people may know of. I picked up some cute souvenirs and ate katsu. And there were even deer roaming around the place! A couple got married too whilst we were visiting and it was so nice. Again, it was mega hot so I was dying from that aspect but otherwise, I could live on this little island.

Unfortunately, we spent so much time at the island; we didn’t get round to doing the two other things we had planned which were seeing Hiroshima Castle and the Atomic dome memorial. I was kinda bummed by not seeing those but the last train was at 5pm and we weren’t staying the night so we had to get said train. It was okay though; it’s something to add to the list of things to see when I eventually revisit.

We got back at about 10pm and then it was lights out because we were exhausted.

Thursday 17th May

This was another sightseeing day that was fairly local considering we were pretty tired from Hiroshima still. 

We traveled over to Asakusa which has the lovely Senso-ji temple and shrine. It was really cute, the walk up to the temple is lined with all these little shops and souvenir like places which have charms and fans etc. Really nice.

Inside, they do this thing where you pay 100 yen and you shake a metal box that contains lots of sticks with numbers on. When you bring out a stick, you find the number it matches and you bring out the fortune. You get a good fortune, regular fortune or bad fortune. I got myself a regular ol’ fortune XD. 

But, they also have this rack so that if you get a bad fortune, you tie it to the rack to rid yourself of the bad fortune whereas a good or regular one; you would carry it with you.

Other than that, we hung out and then went back to our hotel for a while before heading out again to check out the nightlife of the area. Everything was mega lit up and was so nice. We went and grabbed dinner and also went and got crepes. They were a m a z i n g. Like they were so good ugh. 

After that, went back, showered and slept. Pretty uneventful day; just being touristy. 

Friday 18th May

Again, more sightseeing on this day. We went and saw the Tokyo Metropolitan Building and looked out over Tokyo.

Then, we went to the Meiji Shrine.

Aaand lastly, we went to Shibuya for the evening.

Yes, those are people dressed as characters from Mario Kart driving in the streets of Tokyo. This place was crazy. XD

After seeing the crossing scramble that is so infamous, we trekked back to the hotel and fell asleep.

Saturday 19th May

This day we literally went on trains all day to collect stamps. In Japan, they do these things called Eki stamps which are stamps you can find at stations, museums, shrines, tourist spots etc.

I haven’t got any pictures of mine but i got like 50 of them whilst I was in Japan. Going on one train line at all the stops got me like 30. 

We had nothing else planned on this day so my friend suggested the collecting stamps XD.

Sunday 20th May

This was one of my two absolute favourite days whilst I was there. It was the day I went and saw Mt Fuji and went into Aokigahara forest. 

It was approx 2 hours from Tokyo but we’d booked a tour instead of trying to do it ourselves. It worked out a lot easier. When we reached the highest point you can go to on Mt Fuji, by vehicle anyway, we had 30 mins to sightsee. We took pictures and went into the souvenir shop etc. 

My god, it was so frickin’ cold up there. Obviously. We were high off the ground like shit, it was freezing. But, pretty pictures.

We then went caving in an ice cave that is iced over all year round and is not usually open to the public. 

After that, we were taken back to Shinjuku where we grabbed food and went back to sleeeep.

Monday 21st May

We went to Kyoto on this day. We managed to see all we wanted to as well but then again, Kyoto was only a 2 and a bit hour train ride away.

When we got there, we saw the Fushimi Inari Taisha.

They were pretty but boy, was there a lot of people. I had to wait for so long to get pictures with none of very few people in it.

Then, we headed over to Kinkaku-ji which is this golden temple.

Again, very pretty.

Lastly, we checked out the Arashiyama Bamboo grove which was pretty also.

After that, we headed home to our hotel. We had an exciting day the next day.

Tuesday 22nd May

TOKYO DISNEYLAND, BITCHES.

I was excited and I can see why people hype Disneyland up. No matter which one you visit, there is this big sense of nostalgia and magic. It was unforgettable and wasn’t half as busy as some theme parks get here. But, I suppose we did go on a Tuesday.

Would hate to see it on a weekend.

The mike melonbread was delicious <3

Disneyland catered to the childish side of me and I loved every single bit of it. <3

Wednesday 23rd May

On this day, we visited Osaka which is about the same sorta time out from Tokyo as Kyoto is. Again, not too much going on. We checked out Osaka Castle.

And then, we checked out Dotonbori which was also very cool.

After that, we headed back to Tokyo. There wasn’t too much we were desperate to see in Osaka and it was raining which wasn’t the nicest.

Thursday 24th May

Last full day meant Harajuku and Shibuya for shopping day. I haven’t got any pictures but omg we went and did those purikura photo things? They are hilarious. It was funny doing them but even looking at them; they funny XD

I bought a bunch of stuff for myself as well as my family as souvenirs. It was funnn. 

Friday 25th May

The day I flew home to London :(. I was sad to leave Japan but I was really happy to be coming home. No matter how much you may call your country a shit place, there’s no place like home. 

Omg, I went over my bag weight limit with all the stuff I bought. I’m allowed 23kg and my suitcase was 27kg -.-

I paid £65 for that extra weight because I was not about to be that person who opens their suitcase in the middle of check in trying to decrease the weight XD

Pretty straight forward afterwards. I flew home and when I got to my house, my family let me have reign on dinner so we got KFC.

So, that is what I got up to in Japan. I loved every minute I was there. It is so very different than London and it has much more beauty than any city I’ve been to has.

I can’t wait to go back someday and I encourage anyone and everyone to go there. It is something else! <3

Thanks for reading if you made it to the end! I appreciate it ^.^

[moldypieceoflasagna]

36 questions that nobody asked me

(except @lollipoppedchainsaw )

(the 36 questions that lead to love or whatever) https://www.nytimes.com/2015/01/11/fashion/no-37-big-wedding-or-small.html

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

I hate going out to dinner so much i probably wouldnt be able to enjoy it properly

2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?

It would be interesting to see what it’s like for a short period of time, but i’d never be able to keep it up; i’d probably have an identity crisis

3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?

yes i have to mentally prepare myself 100% of the time

4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?

hanging out with the people i love is enough to keep me happy for a good while tbh. sitting around doing nothing literally nothing with them is endlessly entertaining to me even though sometimes i might make that hard to believe 

5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

i sing to myself a lot, not so much to others- although i AM a slut for karaoke

6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?

body because i feel thats probably what old people complain about most. plus like,, 90 years of life knowledge? sounds great to me

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

probably an accident that’s almost statistically impossible

8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.

single rn (ladies) but i usually try to find friends with similar music tastes because scream-singing in the car is the most fun one can have

9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

im most grateful for my dogs and for my friends! i love them and it means the world to me to have people that i can call family. also i would die without my dog juno, she is my rock (and my therapist)

10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

Not rly how i was raised, but i wish i had a closer relationship with my older siblings. Three of them had moved out before i was rly old enough to not be an asshole child, so most of them still see me as an asshole child and they never take me seriously. im glad i have an alright relationship with them, but that’s kinda all it is and i know i could do better

11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.

Lived in Texas my whole life yeehaw. I have 2 brothers and 2 sisters; 2 of them dont like me, and my relationship with the other 2 is,, certainly not bad. Had a lot of physical and mental illness in the past, but 20gayteen is definitely my year, yeet

12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

either speaking a different language or playing the piano. im very jealous of good piano players, and at some point i need to be able to speak a more useful language than french because so far in texas it’s proved absolutely useless (other than talking to my mom but that doesnt count)

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?

I’d wanna know wtf im supposed to do with my life because sweaty i still have no idea. passion? dont know her please introduce me

14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

i wanna go skydiving bitch, no one wants to go with me! pussies!!! the lot of you

15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

that one time i did an entire semester’s worth of work in the last three days of the school year

16. What do you value most in a friendship?

being able to put up with my huge fucking mouth. also honesty is super important, even if it’ll make me feel shitty

17. What is your most treasured memory?

when i went camping with a bunch of friends and they were bitter i got to be in the middle of the tent because they were all cold. either that or the time i was getting really bad sleep paralysis and @lonelywaterfall & @skity stayed over so my paranoia didnt render me completely useless,,, also the paramore concert lol ive never been more vulnerable in my life.

18. What is your most terrible memory?

coming out to my mom haha

19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

i’d go on a trip around the world to explore/to see a few people, and i’d put extra effort into my gender expression

20. What does friendship mean to you?

comfortable silence is my kink. also emotional vulnerability and SAD BOY HOURS we cant forget those

21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?

I’m such a slut for physical affection yall have no idea please hug me as much as possible and play with my hair or my hands

22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.

i guess ill do the same with previous partners so.. i think being funny is probably the #1 thing i appreciate in someone. when you make me laugh so hard i cry, just know that’s like. peak. also stubbornness is strangely attractive to me, plus like,,, uh having an unexpected soft side? an appreciation of art is super important, too. also SPOON VERSATILITY.

23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?

it was probably happier than a lot of people’s but there wasnt much to it. plus being the youngest in my ENTIRE family really sucked during my childhood because everyone picked on me and i think that’s probably what started a lot of my issues lol

24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

better than it could be, but definitely not what i want it to be. we both love each other and i admire her work ethic, but she gave me a lot of anxiety problems (both genetically and not) and she isnt the most understanding person. i have hope though, people change

25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling …

I’m hungry and sitting alone in front of my computer feeling like OVERSHARING ON THIS BEAUTIFUL THURSDAY MORNING, BOYS

26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share …

many, MANY animals and a lighthouse in the middle of nowhere

27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.

I’m REALLY insecure about my body xd

28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.

LOVE feeling safe. 

29. Share an embarrassing moment in your life.

probably every time that i’ve ever worn a dress, because i really,, really dont like wearing dresses and that’s it

30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?

last cried by myself this morning and last cried in front of another person at my friend’s birthday party

31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.

no partner but if youre reading this im rly proud of ur attention span. gj buddy

32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

i think most things can be joked about after a certain amount of time, but like,, it has to actually be funny and it has to come from someone i know isnt serious about it. if a joke is made just for the purpose of being offensive and edgy, it’s never funny no tea just truth. 

33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?

i’d regret not spending enough time with people that i love, not traveling as much as i should have, and also i’d regret not formally coming out of the closet to my family (they probably already been done knew but like. yknow). i came out to myself & the people closest to me a LONG ass time ago, but i’ve kinda seen what it did to my immediate family so im not too excited to do that to my extended family. if i’m not too much of a pussy, ill probably do it in the summer when i see them next, bc ive been meaning to for a while.

34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?

is it bad of me to say my computer? i feel like everyone else has a much more meaningful answer lol. it would probably either be that or the papers i keep on my bulletin board, bc most of them hold a lot of sentimental value (also my prescriptions  would be a pain to get copies of)

35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?

either of my parents because i dont want them dying before i reach the point where i can expect them to be happy for me when i marry a girl

36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

personal problems? what’re those lmfao dont have any srry try me again later

 i’m too much of a pussy to tag certain people so if you see this and I've had any sort of conversation with you, do it coward

(also @skity  @drawinintherain )

[irishsaints]

I reblogged someone doing a q&a ages ago but here have some things about me.

— 1. Who was the last person you held hands with? hmm. good question. might be my ex. 2. Are you outgoing or shy? you know, i used to think i was shy, but i think i’m actually kind of outgoing. 3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? my best buds in the world, k & j- k when she comes down for pride in the spring, j when i fly down to dc for a fellow hockey friend’s wedding 4. Are you easy to get along with? yep! 5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? woof i don’t know my heart is in ten different directions right now haha. probably yes though 6. What kind of people are you attracted to? kind people. also broken people. funny people. warm people. honest people. people with different perspectives than mine. 7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? almost certainly not. 8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? nathan dales, at the moment. 9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? not particularly 10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? ooh, connor, from the party. we talked about what it’s like being a cop in brooklyn, and what the perspective of a cop is on a stranger reaching for an unknown object in their pocket looks like. 11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? “y’all have been SLEEPING on letterkenny i’m telling you” 12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? mm- thinking of you, kesha; 11 minutes, halsey & yungblud; dont call me up, mabel; love me, forest blakk; high hopes, panic! at the disco 13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? yes absolutely 14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? sometimes? i think luck and miracles happen, but i think they’re sort of dictated by fate- they happen when they’re MEANT to happen, no sooner, no later. 15. What good thing happened this summer? this past summer? hm. i got to jump ponies again. i ran farther than i had ever run before. i pushed past my own limits. i found my courage again. 16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? yes i would. he was pretty. 17. Do you think there is life on other planets? given the size of the galaxy and the universe outside of earth? almost certainly. 18. Do you still talk to your first crush? my first crush? fuck no, i wouldn’t know where to find that kid. i’ve TRIED to find him on facebook haha. 19. Do you like bubble baths? yes, i adore them. 20. Do you like your neighbors? for the most part, they’re not awful. 21. What are you bad habits? i bite my nails. i pick at scabs until i leave scars. i gnaw on the insides of my lip. i drink until i either pass out or black out (when i do drink) 22. Where would you like to travel? iceland. back to ireland. australia, new zealand. back to india. cote d’ivoire. bangladesh. kenya. mozambique. canada. 23. Do you have trust issues? off and on. not as much as i used to, but still in some ways. less in others. 24. Favorite part of your daily routine? right now, a toss up between doing my eyeshadow and brewing my morning coffee. 25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? my tummy at the moment. 26. What do you do when you wake up? blearily stumble to the bathroom to determine how much product i need to put in my hair that day, and then pee. 27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? probably a smidge darker, then i wouldn’t burn so much i don’t think. 28. Who are you most comfortable around? my best friends. 29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? not so far. but i broke up with all of them so *shrug* 30. Do you ever want to get married? i think one day, yes 31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail? no it is not 32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? oh no. this is not a fair question! in fact i really hate this question. uhhhhhhhhhhhh. UHM. FUCK. assuming this threesome doesnt ruin a perfectly good celebrity marriage or relationship- putting jared keeso on this list bc something tells me he’d be down for a threesome- and uhhhh- tessa thompson, i think.  33. Spell your name with your chin. nellie 34. Do you play sports? What sports? hockey is the one i still “play”- i used to play rugby too. i still ride ponies sometimes. i run a lot. and i row. 35. Would you rather live without TV or music? without tv. 36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? probably 37. What do you say during awkward silences? i usually revert back to the weather or talk about something funny on the internet 38. Describe your dream girl/guy? no because i don’t have one right now 39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? oddly? anthropologie even though it’s not really my style at all?? 40. What do you want to do after high school? ??????? after high school????? i’m not in high school anymore but okay?????? i want to go to college and then get a job????? 41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? most of the time, yep 42. If you’re being extremely quiet what does it mean? hm either i’m thinking, busy, or i have a migraine. or i’m listening. 43. Do you smile at strangers? sometimes. 44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? outer space. the bottom of the ocean is horrifying. things down there fall into the “put that thing back where it came from or so help me” category. 45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? my alarm, mostly. and panic about being late to work. 46. What are you paranoid about? being late to work, despite the fact that i am an hour earlier than most of my coworkers. 47. Have you ever been high? ...yes? i’m in my mid 20s? 48. Have you ever been drunk? yes...? again, in my mid twenties? 49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? not recently, no 50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? gray, i think 51. Ever wished you were someone else? once in a while, sure 52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? my nose. 53. Favourite makeup brand? e.l.f. right now 54. Favourite store? didn’t you ask me this not that long ago? see #39 55. Favourite blog? oh for real? do you know how many friends i have on here, and how many awesome blogs they have? i don’t have just one favorite okay 56. Favourite colour? deep green- like a forest green 57. Favourite food? risotto, probably 58. Last thing you ate? microwaved chicken enchilada 59. First thing you ate this morning? smoothie and bagel 60. Ever won a competition? For what? uh i’ve probably gotten a blue ribbon at a horse show before 61. Been suspended/expelled? For what? you know, i don’t think i ever have 62. Been arrested? For what? nope! 63. Ever been in love? yep 64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? oh! we were on our annual school walk through the local state park, and we got to to top of the mountain in between two big groups, so we had the very top all to ourselves and could see out over the valley, and he pulled me close to him and kissed me right on top of the mountain in the early autumn air in new england, surrounded by orange and red and yellow leaves, with the river rushing below us. it was nice. 65. Are you hungry right now? yep. i should go make dinner probably 66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? i don’t think i like them more, but i’d say i like them equally 67. Facebook or Twitter? mmm facebook i guess 68. Twitter or Tumblr? tumblr i guess 69. Are you watching tv right now? no? i’m here? 70. Names of your bestfriends? this seems very personal about my friends, i’m going to pass on this one. 71. Craving something? What? pirate’s booty. and sleep. like ten years of sleep. 72. What colour are your towels? one is navy blue and two are green. 72. How many pillows do you sleep with? two. 73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? yep, just one, a stuffed buffalo 74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? here in boston, just the one. at my parents’ home/where i grew up, an entire chest full- at least 20, if not more 75. Favourite animal? horses 76. What colour is your underwear? red 77. Chocolate or Vanilla? both 78. Favourite ice cream flavour? mint chocolate chip 79. What colour shirt are you wearing? black and yellow and blue 80. What colour pants? black 81. Favourite tv show? currently, letterkenny 82. Favourite movie? well for a long time it was the silver stallion: king of the wild brumbies; now it’s mad max fury road 83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? what the fuck are you on about, mean girls 2? that shit ain’t real. that’s a copy cat. Mean Girls, all the way. 84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? mean girls. 85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? janice ian.  86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? well nemo, duh. 87. First person you talked to today? my co worker, mara. 88. Last person you talked to today? well, it’ll probably be my roommate, katie, but if not, it’ll be the gal who waxes my eyebrows, aly. 89. Name a person you hate? my ex-ex. not my most recent ex, but the one before that. that bitch i fucking hate. she’s goddamned garbage. 90. Name a person you love? my mom! 91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? i could probably name a few 92. In a fight with someone? not that i can think of 93. How many sweatpants do you have? hm maybe 8 pairs? 94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? oooh probably like 10 or 12 pairs 95. Last movie you watched? Captain Marvel 96. Favourite actress? Charlize Theron probably 97. Favourite actor? oh no. Tom Hardy is at the top of the list for sure 98. Do you tan a lot? HAH. i have irish (read: VERY PALE) skin. i do not tan. i just burn, and then go back to being VERY PALE. 99. Have any pets? yep! a dog and a horse. 100. How are you feeling? tired. emotionally exhausted. mentally exhausted. 101. Do you type fast? yep. 102. Do you regret anything from your past? in some ways, yes. in some ways, no. i firmly believe everything i’ve been through has shaped who i am now, but i wish like hell i didn’t have to go through some of it 103. Can you spell well? yep 104. Do you miss anyone from your past? yeah there’s a few people 105. Ever been to a bonfire party? yes indeed 106. Ever broken someone’s heart? yep 107. Have you ever been on a horse? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA yes, yes i have 108. What should you be doing? cooking dinner probably 109. Is something irritating you right now? probably 110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? probably 111. Do you have trust issues? sort of ? 112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? my therapist 113. What was your childhood nickname? nellie sort of is a childhood nickname? but i also went by nell bell a lot, and nelly fertado, which i hated. 114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? yes i have 115. Do you play the Wii? nope 116. Are you listening to music right now? nope 117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? yes! i love it! 118. Do you like Chinese food? yes! 119. Favourite book? oh this is hard. The Stand, by Stephen King, is a classic 120. Are you afraid of the dark? not anymore 121. Are you mean? i can be sometimes. 122. Is cheating ever okay? NO. 123. Can you keep white shoes clean? i mean yeah, but not for forever. 124. Do you believe in love at first sight? mmm. i don’t think so. 125. Do you believe in true love? yes. 126. Are you currently bored? kind of? 127. What makes you happy? running. food. a good tv show. a great movie with incredible cinematography and music to match. 128. Would you change your name? um. maybe? idk. i try not to wander down that path too often 129. What your zodiac sign? sagittarius 130. Do you like subway? like...the fast food chain? no. god no. ew. hard no. 131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? hm. i feel like this has happened to me/is happening to me/happens to me? i sort of ignore it and pretend it’s not happening? 132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? errrr. either my best friend or my therapist. 133. Favourite lyrics right now? probably the entirety of thinking of you, by kesha. 134. Can you count to one million? i mean can i? yeah sure i CAN. do i WANT to or have the time, patience, or energy? likely not. 135. Dumbest lie you ever told? honestly would not be able to tell you because it was probably that dumb. 136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? closed 137. How tall are you? 5′1′’  138. Curly or Straight hair? straight 139. Brunette or Blonde? naturally brunette but currently blue, or as my stylist says “a color that is not naturally appearing in the world” 140. Summer or Winter? summer 141. Night or Day? daytime 142. Favourite month? october i think. or maybe may. 143. Are you a vegetarian? hard no. 144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? milk chocolate 145. Tea or Coffee? coffee 146. Was today a good day? eh, it was alright. long, mostly. 147. Mars or Snickers? snickers i guess 148. What’s your favourite quote? The full quote is “But for everyone, surely, what we have gone through in this period - I am addressing myself to the School - surely from this period of ten months this is the lesson: never give in, never give in, never, never, never, never-in nothing, great or small, large or petty - never give in except to convictions of honour and good sense. Never yield to force; never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy.”- Winston Churchill, at the Harrow School in 1941. My favorite bits are italicized. 149. Do you believe in ghosts? mmm. spirits. forces that might still exist on this planet, long after their bodies are not. souls that haven’t moved on yet, for whatever reason. i don’t think they’re here to haunt us. but they haven’t found their way on to whatever’s next yet, either. 150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? good morning.

[thegeminisage]

i realized i had been typing up zelda blogging into notepad for like a week plus without posting, cause i didn’t wanna post everyday once i finished the main story? but then it got SUUUPER long. i waited for it to kinda taper down since now i’m mostly down to completionist stuff, and since it has, i’m gonna post it & just do small posts if i decide to blog abt anything else.

it feels rly weird not to zeldablog now

i ran into a blue? silver? lynel and got trapped fighting it on my way out of hyrule castle AND KILLED IT!! yay!!

also im going back to the mountain to check out that glow

i checked the shrine out next to it, since i was only activating them near the end and not DOING them

and they've gotten way more complex

now i understand when the monks commend your resourcefulness like before i was like, pls. that was way too easy. literally anyone could have done that

i went to the lake at night and it isn't glowing ): idgi did i see something else? does it only do that from a distance? on certain nights? i could see it from SO far away...

o my god theres a GOLF minigame the camera angles even do the thing

fucking fuck dinraal showed up WHILE I WAS PLAYING GOLF 

i MISSED him im so mad i couldnt fast travel away bc minigame!!!

WOW AND HERE COMES THE BLOOD MOON WHICH I WAS WAITING ON AT THE LAKE MOUNTAIN im so pissed i fuckin hate golf at this point its faster to finish than to run all the way back and quit :|

i finished golf but the blood moon just turned into?? a normal moon??

ah okay the glow is random and it's a rare mount!! thank god it wasn't just me losing my mind lol

haha i went to kill the shock arrow lynel just to see if i could and it only took like less than a minute with atk+ armor and decent weapons/shields

plus i'm just better at that special timing stuff now

figures it wouldn't happen til post-game

wtf another blood moon only a few nights later???

i read it was super glitchy but i never really realized until i was paying attention...

aww i bought a house!! maybe link and zelda can live there until the castle is restored YES THEY WILL BE MARRIED SOMEDAY

it's a cute quest i wish i had brought enough rupees to buy all the furniture in it

anyway like. it's super nice to have finally beaten this game's story?? i feel like now i don't have to Rush, i can stop and poke around and explore just like i want, tbh i kinda wish i had done it sooner

anyway im done for the night but i think i will rack up a bit more blogging before making a post i don't wanna be making one every day anymore

——

okay so im gonna wait for the blood moon at this shrine

ive been reading that its random and glitchy?? but had i never read any of that i would have been SURE it was just every full moon, like clockwork

so maybe i'm wrong or the internet is

anyway i have enough fire arrows and wood to camp for a full 10 nights, after which im bailing lol

OH FUCK CANCEL EVERYTHING A SHOOTING STAR

I WONDER IF I CAN FAST TRAVEL TO IT??

only one way to find out

I CAN!!!!!

tonight's a halfmoon...if it's waxing then only 2 more nights, if the blood moon is the fullmoon

waning - 6 more nights :/

and who even knows if the blood moon is the full moon...

i've been reading so much and there's so much i was aching to do while trapped in bed that i don't know where to begin...! yet i am waiting at this dumb shrine, haha

i think i wanna to the terrytown quests? tarrytown? where you build a town, those sound so fun, but ofc i need rupees

three-quarters moon! pleeease letthe next one be a blood moon, i say for once in my life lol

oh no...full moon but no blood moon ):

ugh i do not WANT to camp here for a hundred years

i suppose with the nearby shrine i can get to it fairly quicky but not quickly enough for my liking...once the moon rises you only have literally like two minutes before it leaves

so i have to notice it, get out there, and get naked in less than 2 minutes, without warning :/

ok yeah no this is stupid i'll just do something else while i wait

ah, but what! this is what i was talking about earlier, where do you even BEGIN

i could go back and solve shrines, but puzzles are only fun for so long, i wanna explore and there's so much left to see

i could also rupee farm hahahaha

and for better or worse i do eventually wanna get all the korok seeds...

actually i think i wanna fight minibosses?? which is so weird but i feel like i can take em

i know the silver lynels will kick my ass from reading tvtropes but i can take the others!!!

i also read about the lon lon ranch ruins, which i either missed or didn't realize what they were...i don't have a clue as to where they are, but i wanna see them, i know i'll be Sad

omg people startle when i get close to them wearing dark link armor

oooh i was wondering what this big circular tower was...man i havent seen ANYTHING in hyrule field

apparently there are monsters inside...i see a blue lynel? silver lynel? who knows

but i fought one before, so maybe i can take it

i WAS wanting to fight stuff

camera says it's silver, tvtropes says silvers are harder than calamity ganon himself

but the ones that aren't red all look alike to me, so i have no idea which kind i fought in hyrule castle...and my sword had superpowers then

the problem is all these OTHER monsters...no way could i take them on all at once

so i gotta go around and pick them off first without being noticed if i can

omg i cant drop the master sword when electrocuted ahaha nice

oops i dropped a lizalfos down there with the lynel....lmao maybe i better just go fight him before i fuck up anything else

ah no it's coming back on its own. well done

ok, got em

man, wouldn't it be just my luck if the blood moon rose NOW

tbh if it did i would have to abandon this entire thing, which i would, reluctantly, just so i wouldn't have to wait anymore

ooh god he saw me i was hopin for a sneak attack ;w;

ok here we go i guess!!

i did it!!!!

it actually wasn't that bad, tho it got a bit dicey a couple of times

so much of this game is like, your buffs and armor and weapons, i've had harder fights against weaker foes just bc i wasn't properly equipped

but learning to dodge and use my shield a bit better certainly didn't hurt

tbh it looks like most of what i wanna do requires rupees, so i should go farm some i guess!

boring, but you know

apparently i was wrong about the music in goron city and the gerudo areas and they ARE the classic tunes...i just didn't hear it??

AAAAH the satori mountains are glowing!!

;w; i caught him

what a freaky-lookin boy

i wish i could keep him!!

jesus fuck the blood moon came up and i idled at the screen without looking, god, the ONE TIME

i bet i'll never make it in time but i gotta try

dark link armor will make me move a BIT faster at night for what its worth but i dont even think i have revali's gale ready jfc

thank god i made it with just a few seconds to spare

yikes its lightning af outside so im gonna quit for now

——

aww tarreytown looks so cute so far!! i wanna build it up ;u;

lol i hate when you know a guardian is nearby and can't find it even tho i can fight them now my heartrate is still so jacked up

——

god the tarreytown sidequests are so pleasant and relaxing like

i havent felt so calm playing this game since...i don't think ever

and like, they talk about the yiga clan and the monsters outside

and if i were a person with more time i would write the cute genfic about how tarreytown gets put under seige but their location makes that hard and they fight off the bad guys

it's always sunny there!!! no matter the weather elsewhere :')

also i finally did break the hylian shield cleaning out the guardian room on maze island and i got a replacement there......for3k, but still

anyway im finding all the chests from the shrines i missed and one is in the plateau ): my heart

like, i can't believe i used to think this mountain was massive, this plateau was massive. it's so small compared to everything else. and so lonely ;_;

like, i miss it, weirdly, but i miss the version that had the easy enemies and the old man and where when i looked outside of the walls it was all very misty and i couldn't even comprehend the true size of this world

so: nostalgia, i guess

——

jesus FUCKING christ i went out to see the ranch ruins with epona and i got attacked by a guardian, a yiga clan member, and two silver bokoblins on horseback

FINALLY fought them off, terrified the entire time something would happen to epona, and i got attacked by three stal moblins

fought THEM off and there's a stal bokoblin on a stalhorse! but i can't catch it or ride it because of all times, the blood moon is rising!! j e s u s c h r i s t

now i've gotta get on my horse and get the hell out of dodge before those things come back to hurt her

i was thinking of a nice relaxing-if-sad trip before bed but no i gotta come back on FOOT to kill these guys AGAIN and then bring her back during the DAY so we can properly look around

who KNEW this would be so awful, jesus

okay update i did get on the stalhorse bc i have about 30 seconds to snap a cool pic (no way i can ride it out to whatever stable i need for the quest...even if i could leave epona here, it's much too long of a trip) but fucking hell dude

FUCK i took too long it rose epona and i are STILL HERE LMAO (((:

i didn't know if i should get on epona and ride for it or teleport to the stable and then board her

i teleported and it looks like she's still safe bc they boardered her ;_;

i took her back out and gave her a bunch of apples ;____; my poor brave girl

lol as if that wasnt enough its about to start lightning

ugh i'm coming back tomorrow and cleaning that place out good and fucking proper

i'd kinda like to do it tonight but it's already so late and i don't feel well and it would take a long time and also be a bit stressful probably

at least now i know where to find lots of stalhorses lol

although if you think about it they're there bc a lot of horses died

aaaaand i'm sad again

(super mad i didn't get pics on my in-game camera of the horse, but the snapchat pic i snapped of dark link riding it under the blood moon was still pretty damn cool)

——

w o w

i kinda wish i had been able to bring epona, but i couldn't—it's so dangerous here

but after clearing it out and actually getting to look around, uh

this is brick-for-brick the most faithful recreation of oot's lon lon ranch

and i am SO sad

ugh i just had to restart an entire shrine bc i dropped my korok leaf at the last second bc i was trying to open all the chests and i had to go back and get my good spear that i had to drop to get the korok leaf in the first room...but i needed the korok leaf to get back to the end!!!!!

i hate the weapons system in this game sometimes i won't lie like sometimes it's really good and sometimes it drives me bonkers

oh my fucking god lmao

i can't even RESTART the shrine bc the leaf was in a CHEST which is now empty. holy shit

like, that is NONFUNCTIONAL

they should have had a tools section for leaves and axes and shit i swear to fuck bc i always drop korok leaves as soon as i can bc i don't ever use them to sail and i have so little room and there's so many weapons...jesus christ

i made a huuuuuge list of everything i need to fully upgrade all my armor. it took hours but i think i did the math wrong

remember when i said i was never going back to eventide? well here i am! i'm farming bokoblin guts/general monster drops lol and i knew there were a bunch here :|

but i'm better armed now! so it should be a cakewalk

even red hinoxes don't give me much trouble these days. we'll see

sniped the upper camp no problem with some pretty basic bows. don't know WHY i sniped it, i could have fought them...

haha just kidding. yes i do

time to fight the hinox, i suppose

tbh this is giving me trauma flashbacks lol

duuuude theres a lil star by this hinox's name!!

does that mean the game keeps track of which i kill.......awhile ago the fang and bone guy said he wanted me to kill every hinox and i'm like "fffft yeah right like the blood moon wouldn't come up halfway through each and every try"

but maybe that doesn't matter O:

now i can use stamps to only mark hinoxes i HAVENT killed............interesting

unfortunately i've also been stamping lynels, and i'd hate to take stamps off just bc i'd killed something...man

i wish i had more kinds of stamps and the ability to USE more stamps, geez

i could kill all four moldugas first and see what he did before deciding if it was Worth It

this doesn't make me feel like a badass and i'm not actually getting any great drops. i just have war flashbacks and feel slightly creeped out and anxious. so i'm leaving

holy fuck i finally got the rubber armor and duuuuude it really is shock proof! i got struck by lightning and it knocked me off my feet but only took a quarter of a heart!!!

——

guess i should make a list of taluses, hinoxes, and moldugas i KNOW ive killed :|

it won't be comprehensive but i wanna keep track of it, sigh

i'm trying to farm bokoblin guts but this one area is like all these high up bridges and platforms and they ALWAYS fall so every time i have to fly down and climb back up :|

this place was from one of the coolest parts of the trailer though i really like it

i thought foolishly to knock them all off and then go down and get them. of course they'd despawned by then </3

——

I FOUND KASS IN THE RITO STABLE? HE HAS A WIFE AND KIDS BACK HOME??

like tvtropes spoiled that for me i'll admit but im still cryin...hes so homesick!! he fulfilled a promise!!!! kass buddy i'm gonna clear those shrines for you ;_;

also update i get medals for killing all the things so ofc i gotta do that if i want 100%

i Dread the getting of the korok seeds i just dont know if i am Capable especially knowing there's no reward

like, i'm trying to get all the shrines done before i finish off the sidequests bc once i finish off the sidequests i am not gonna wanna play anymore, the story stuff and exploration stuff will mostly be over, my drive to keep going will drop dramatically, so like

gotta do the shrines first so i actually have time to WEAR the super cool armor i get

otherwise it would be sidequests, shrines, armor, but then no more playing lmao

——

I GOT IT AND IT'S BEAUTIFUL

I MAY NEVER WEAR ANYTHING ELSE

(thats a lie i gotta wear other stuff until i can get this upgraded bc the stats are so low...but its BEAUTIFUL)

——

i did all the stables so why won’t kass come see his daughters? ;_;

oh ok i had to go get the cache

AWWW BUDDY

he finally knows it’s me!! furthermore zelink #confirmed thank u nintendo this is probably the most overt it’s ever been tbh

——

finally fully upgraded my armor & i never wanna see another dragon again

they kept failing to spawn where they were supposed to and the only one who spawns reliably/is easy to hit/doesn’t send scales flying 100000 miles away is farosh, naydra and dinraal are absolutely horrible, naydra in particular has nowhere you can fast-travel to, you have to fast-travel to a nearby shrine and then walk a good distance no matter where you drop in at. naydra was also the most finnicky about showing up when she was supposed to

at least i figured out i can use a flame sword instead of fire arrows to light campfires

getting honey was pretty easy there’s a fuckton next to those hinox brothers and acorns are kinda everywhere

the beetles were a little more tedious but once i put them on my sensor not too bad...the worst part was turning beedle down every time he wanted one because he does a LONG speech that is SUPER annoying after the 100th time and you’re just trying to buy arrows

anyway im gonna go test the defense

surprise! lynels and guardians can still kick my ass!

everything else seems to fly right off me tho so that’s something

it’s been ages since any hinox or talus was able to put up a fight against me

i’ve still only killed about half of each tho like :/ damn they are everywhere & there’s sooo many

——

i’m lowkey wondering if i will attempt to 100% this game like i do Not look forward to getting all those fucking korok seeds, at that point it is no longer fun, yk, and the reward is so stupid

also i saw a video about having to visit every major named place on the map as well

and both of those things obviously guarantee that you see EVERY INCH of this huge and exapansive and beautiful world, but i feel like if i forced myself to keep going and doing it i would learn to hate the game a little bit lmao. lowkey feel like that’s adding fake hours onto your game for something that stop being fun and turns into absolute tedium, but i guess i can understand wanting to give completionist players a reason to see EVERYTHING

we’ll just see how i feel - i still have quite a few sidequests left, and while i don’t wanna burn thru them too quickly (bc again, after they’re over my interest will drop dramatically) i also still wanna fight the minibosses and upgrade as much of my armor as i am able to

but like, who the fuck has time to farm 160ish star pieces...? not me my dude and that mmo-type drop rarity is like :/ i disapprove, that’s like...cheating. but anyway. we’ll see how far i get