#they deserve to be living in a small house in the woods together man :((

[tsxmu]

JUST A THOUGHT...

but do you ever think that after the war, levi sometimes just sits down with a cup of tea while reading the newspaper and when it's like eerily quiet, he mumbles to himself a quiet "levi" like hange would so it's like they're still there in a way???

Idk, I just kinda feel like hange would often call out to him, visit his room at random times, share breakfast, lunch and dinner with him, have late night tea conversations while doing paper work, ect ect. So now that there's nobody talking to him, he does the talking for them?? Just like how they did most of the talking for him?

[tsxmu]

Couldn't have said it better. This was amazing :(((

Thank you.

the intimacy and complexity of "devote your heart" in 132

the devote your heart in 132 is usually taken purely at face value but I don't think it was meant to be just a literal sacrifice your life in the same manner as give up your dreams and die was? I understand it is easy to draw parallels with that scene but I think the circumstances leading up to hanji's departure weren't exactly like erwin's hence I believe the essence devote your heart and give up your dreams and die aren't exactly alike.

a detail that is often overlooked in ch132 was that levi wasn't exactly giving hanji an order the same way he did for erwin in ch80.

give up your dreams and die was as direct as it can get. this happened because erwin expressed his desire on fulfilling his lifelong dream to see the basement but at the same time he didn't want to fail their comrades who sacrificed their life. to relieve erwin of his conflict, levi took it upon himself to make the decision for him. levi made the choice and he gave the order.

but can we say the same thing with hanji in ch 132? when levi called out to hanji as they made their way towards the rumbling, they never let levi say a word but rather asserted their decision. yes I do believe levi wanted to stop them, you can see it in the way he strongly reacted to hanji talking about their comrades watching them (we all know what followed the last time this happened)

basically,"let me go will you" was hanji begging levi to not get in their way because they've made up their mind. they've declared to convinction to the 104th already and even named armin as the new commander. levi isn't giving the order this time around because hanji had already decided.

and this is the very first instance levi says "devote your heart". to offer up your heart would literally mean sacrifice your life but was it supposed to be taken in its most literal sense? because if so, why couldn't levi have said it to erwin as well when he ordered him to sacrifice his life? why did levi go out of his way to modify the salute form in hanji's case?

there wasn't an outright explanation from the author why levi had not once uttered this phrase but if you think about it, it kind of makes sense why he wouldn't. he isn't exactly the most expressive with words. rather than talking he'd show it in his actions. the apprehension may have also come from the fact that it felt like something the military would indoctrinate in its recruits. it is painting a glorious cause to give up your life to fight for the greater good but does everyone in the military live up to this principle? levi knows exactly how corrupt some of the higher-ups are. there hasn't been a motivator that encouraged levi to say it until ch132 where hanji zoe was the trigger.

you understand.

going back to the forest in ch115, hanji expresses their thoughts to a presumably sleeping levi. how it feels like it was finally their turn as sannes had put it once and also them expressing their desire to just stay in that forest together with levi. levi later on alludes to hanji's confession and said "I know you, you cannot stay out of the action"

it was like hanji was trying to remind levi of that moment. don't try to stop me now, you know me too well.

devote your heart was the most fitting response levi could give, but not in a sense that he was simply telling hanji to die for the cause. rather than an order, it was more along the lines of levi saying "devote our hearts right? that's how we've been living our lives, to live up to this cause" because for hanji, the words devote your heart was a way of life. their research, inventions, and motivations, it was all for the sake of a better future. all this time, they've been devoting their life for humanity. this is what I meant on the phrase not necessarily having to be taken too literally. rather than levi simply telling hanji to die as others love to put it, I believe it was the moment where it made sense to levi that hanji was the truest embodiment of it. the very same person who welcomed him and his found family into the scouts with a genuine heart.

just to add, during acwnr there was a scene right after meeting hanji where isabel remarked that she doesn't understand all this talk about dedicating their hearts and levi just mulls over the question. I don't know but maybe levi already felt some sort of connection or that hanji's passion had sparked something within him.

about levi changing the form, it wasn't a standard salute where levi strikes his fist over his own chest. they essentially did the salute together, I reiterate once more because it wasn't primarily an order for hanji to die. it was levi trying to convey that he gets them and that their hearts resonate and beat over the same thing.

and this is where the love vs. duty aspect of levihan enters the discussion. romance and levihan seems to have become a complicated topic among the fandom over the recent years, but I think there are enough evidence to back up the romantic nature/implications of their bond.

it doesn't take a genius to realize how "let's live together" is synonymous to a marriage proposal in many cultures and various works of literature. plus the fact that hanji said it right after levi almost died in their arms just puts things into perspective. and it's not like we can easily dismiss it as a heat of the moment thing because hanji affirmed they seriously considered it in ch27:

the way it was worded too? them thinking of throwing it all away and we all know except who.

what's even more interesting about this is the emphasis on jean's surprised expression and how the chapter began with jean's dream sequence of retiring for the corps and having a family of his own.

now onto one of the most popular arguments against levihan: levi rejected hanji

but did he really? I don't think it went that way. levi knew hanji all too well. he knew that abandoning and forsaking their principles for especially for the sake of personal desires would drive them into guilt for the rest of their life. also the first thing levi says when he fully became conscious was that hanji is already fixing a cart so they could pull him. if I was in levi's position, that's a clear indication to realize that hanji has decided not to stay in the forest anymore.

personally I think if there is anyone who might've felt rejected, it would be levi. he fixated on hanji's proposal but upon gaining full consciousness he finds out hanji had already essentially chosen duty over love. so to me his remarks actually felt more like him coming into terms regarding hanji's choice? I can't say the same for the order of events in the anime but in the manga, it seems like levi had fully drifted into sleep right after ifkk and there was a gap until eren summoned them into the paths. so in theory, hanji had time to process their thoughts further while levi was left fixated on hanji's confession.

now onto the other hint of romance was levi's implied confession in the form of unrquited love for titans. I'm not qualified to expound on this topic as I do not speak japanese so I will just put a link to the explanation. but the gist of it was that there was a nuance on how it was worded in the original japanese text that implies "your love for titans is unrequited but not with me"

my theory is that levi is still somewhat stuck in that moment in the forest and is probably alluding to hanji's confession by responding with his own. but why is it so late you ask? reminder that this was the only scene after the forest where they got a chance to be alone. but hanji's answer to him felt like they were trying to remind levi they've left the forest and that they're soldiers with duties and responsibilities to their comrades.

and finally, it leads us to the culminating moment. devote you heart. yes I've discussed this previously but I haven't gone in detail about the romantic aspect I'm pertaining to yet.

I theorize that hanji made a choice between love and duty back in the forest. so when levi seemingly attempts to stop hanji, they reminded him again of the path they've set on back in the forest. they cannot run away and levi knows this. he has echoed hanji thoughts that day. (the I know you line)

levi was powerless in this situation, there's nothing else he could do but accept hanji's terms. as heartbreaking as it is, he does understand. just as how his first meeting with hanji sparks something bright in him, their departure seemingly had taken away the life in his eye. it was now devoid of light.

it's devote your heart because it was the embodiment of hanji's way of life, how hanji had put duty and the sake of humanity first over their own personal wishes (hence I also see it as a choice between love and duty).

something that also catches your attention would be how the modified salute appears to have created an imagery of levi giving his heart to hanji. personally, I think his left fist representing his own heart touches hanji's. I view it levi devoting his heart to hanji figuratively. perhaps to insinuate that their hearts are one in duty and love or him imparting his heart to them. that he does understand what they must sacrifice for their devoting their hearts for the sake of mankind's safety and their comrades who had given their lives.

the moment levi strikes their fist upon hanji's chest to salute, hanji seemed surprised. it felt like it was an oh moment for them and I believe it was because hanji knew what levi was trying to convey.

they had to give up love, as first and foremost, they are two soldiers bound to their oath because of their own morality and principles.

so that's it, that's my take on the devote your heart in 132. there are still several things I haven't expounded on as much as I like such as the romantic aspect of levihan as seen in 115/126/132/139 and the plane but there is always a next time.

[dilemmaontwolegs]

The Perfect Life || CL16 {7}

Summary: The first night at Charles’ house is almost ruined before it can even begin. Warnings: angst, light smut WC: 3.2k F1 Masterlist || One || Two || Three || Four || Five || Six || Seven || Eight Taglist: RETIRED Head over to my dedicated library blog @dilemmaslibrary and opt to get notifications from there.

The paper bag in your hands crinkled as you opened it to see what Charles had asked you to carry. “What is this?” 

“Dinner.”

You raised a brow and closed it back up. “Those are ingredients,” you corrected, placing it on the kitchen bench in his apartment. “I hope you aren’t expecting me to cook because you will be bitterly disappointed.”

He laughed as he closed the front door and kicked his shoes off. “It’s all prepared, the pasta just needs boiling but I can do that. Why don’t you take a look around?”

You already planned on being nosey when he wasn’t looking but now you could openly snoop and happily left him to his own devices. Like most apartments in Monaco, it was smaller than you were used to but it was more than enough for a man living on his own. 

You circled the living room and tried not to be envious of all the photos he had hung in frames around the room. Faces you recognised held carefree smiles that they never had in your presence and Charles was no exception. You thought you had seen his real smile but even that was strained compared to what was captured when he was with his friends and family.

“I’m starting to think that frown is just your resting face,” Charles commented as he stepped out of the galley kitchen to see your progress. 

You schooled your face until the lines evened out and a mild look of boredom hid your thoughts as you turned away from the photos and found something that made your heart nearly stop. The manuscript was plain and unassuming on the shelf, the title print small and barely legible on the bare sewn spine, but you knew that book.

“You stole it.”

Charles’ confused gaze followed you to the bookshelf. “What?”

“It wasn’t enough to take him from me but you took our book too,” you muttered as you tugged it from the shelf and ran your fingers across the faded purple inscription in the corner: For Jules. A hint of the berry scented ink still clung to the page and you swallowed the lump in your throat as you opened it to the dog eared page you left behind.

“This was a mistake,” you said as you closed the book and shoved it back on the shelf. If it wasn’t this, it would just be something else- there was too much history to think this could ever work. “I can’t do this, Charles.”

He intercepted your exit, blocking the door with pleading eyes. “Wait, please. I didn’t know it was yours. You can have it back.” 

“I don’t want it back! I want to finish reading it to him but I’ll never get that chance because of you.” You took a step closer, ready to go through him to get out the door but he surprised you by sliding down the white panel until his ass planted on the floor. Charles pulled his knees up and wrapped his arms around them as he looked down to hide in shame.

The moment of silence dragged on as his breath grew as ragged as yours and you both relived that day in the hospital.

“I’m sorry,” he stressed as he threw his head back, the thud heavy against the wood. “I’m fucking sorry! For all of it. I didn’t deserve the time I got with him, I don’t deserve this career - it should have been his, like you. I definitely don’t deserve you.”

You slumped to the floor too with your back to the kitchen cabinets. This was not how you imagined your evening going. The plan had been simple; stay the night with Charles and arrive at the paddock for his first practice together - hard launching the relationship and confirming all the rumours that you had both started.

“When did this become your pity party?” you asked as you studied the herringbone tile floor instead of the enigma sitting opposite you.

Charles’ jaw dropped and he shook his head as he stammered over his words. “It’s not…I’m not…that’s not what…”

“How do you make it through interviews? One question and you’re a blithering mess.” You rolled your eyes and stretched your leg out to nudge his foot. “You are wrong by the way. I wasn’t meant to be Jules’ either.”

“I know.” He nodded and sighed, wiping his nose that had turned pink. “It probably doesn’t change anything but I finished it. I read him that book before he…before he died.”

You pushed yourself up to your feet and offered him your hand. His palm was clammy against your skin and you barely made any effort to pull him up as he did the work himself, rising to his full height in front of you. “You’re right, it doesn’t change anything,” you admitted, watching his shoulders deflate. 

“Figured as much.”

“But,” you said as you held a finger up when he went to move away and he froze, “that was a proper apology that actually felt real.”

“So you forgive me?”

“No, I don’t even know how to do that, but I’m not going to leave.”

He smiled like it was a small victory and enveloped you in one of his spontaneous hugs that you were slowly growing used to. “I don’t know how, but I am going to make it up to you one day. I promise.”

“How about you start with just making dinner?” You stepped out of his embrace and looked around the room with weary eyes. “I’m not going to find any more surprises, am I?”

He chewed his lip as he thought for a moment. “I have his helmet in my office but the door is closed.”

You swallowed deeply and nodded. You were going to avoid that room at all costs. “Keep it that way.”

Panic gripped you as the bike started to wobble. Your feet tangled in the pedals and your fingers slipped from the brakes before the gravel driveway rapidly came up to meet you. The skin on your knees stung with the dozens of little stones that grazed them and your elbows were in a similar state as you lay sprawled beneath the summer sun. 

“Up you get,” Jules said as he dusted the stones off and picked you up. 

Your bottom lip began to tremble and he shook his head. “There’s no use crying, lapinette, might as well laugh and learn.”

“I don’t want to laugh,” you grumbled, kicking the bike to emphasise your displeasure.

Jules shrugged and picked the bike up, holding it out for you to try once more. “Well, that’s usually when you need to the most.”

You accepted the bike and looked longingly at the trainer wheels he had taken off. The plastic wheels were beside his kart that was propped up on a stand, some of the parts in pieces for him to finish cleaning before he rebuilt it for the race. “Do you think you can win?”

“Absolutely, just like I know you can ride that bike.”

“I fell off.”

He laughed at your attitude and knew you would be a handful when you grew up. Pointing to the driveway he said, “Then you better try again, no? Because if you don’t ride it then I can’t win!” 

You laughed at the stupidity of the statement but rose to the challenge, throwing a leg over the pastel pink bike and ringing the little bell on the handle for good luck. “You better win, Jules.”

You took a deep breath and pushed the pedal down, slowly building momentum. The wind blew your hair back and you laughed as you realised you were doing it. You were biking…straight towards the wrought iron gates.

You jolted awake in the unfamiliar bedroom and found Charles sleeping soundly. Though you had woken before the impact came you knew Jules had saved you. The lanky teen had sprinted after the bike and grabbed you from the seat before it careened into the metal, buckling the front wheel. You hadn’t quite mastered bike riding that week but Jules still won his karting race.

Sleep was as distant as the memory that had resurfaced so you quietly slipped from the room and found yourself at the bookshelf. Sometimes you wished you had no memory, then you couldn’t be reminded of how happy you had been. But, on the flipside, if you didn’t have the memory you feared you would never know what happiness was at all. 

When Charles woke to an empty bed he wondered if you had left after all despite watching you fall asleep beside him. It was only the sound of the balcony door sliding open that let him breathe a sigh of relief and he climbed out of the bed to check on you. A cool breeze left a chill in the air of the living room and Charles grabbed the blanket that hung from the back of the sofa before he stepped outside.

“You’ll catch a cold like that,” he whispered to the night. The Ferrari shirt you wore fell halfway down your thighs but curled up on the outdoor settee had the red material barely covering your underwear and Charles covered the bare skin with the blanket.

“Bad dream?” he asked as he took a seat beside you and noticed the book in your hands. 

“Worse,” you replied. “A good memory.”

Charles draped his arm over the back of your seat, his fingers softly touching your shoulder, and he tucked his legs under the blanket too. “Want to talk about it?”

You gave him a look that made him chuckle before turning your attention back to the page. You were halfway through the story and you could finally appreciate the action thriller now that you understood the vengeance Jack Reacher felt and the way he fought but even that wasn’t enough to distract you from the dream. With an irritated sign, you closed the book and took to searching the stars instead. 

“Charles?” He hummed quietly and you looked across to see his relaxed state watching the dark sky too. “If I ask you something, can you just do it without reading too much into it?”

He tore his eyes away from the brightest star in the sky and frowned. “Uh, I guess it depends on what you ask me.”

“I want you to kiss me.”

His lips curled up in a slow smile and his fingers danced across your collar to the base of your throat as he leaned in. “You don’t have to ask me.”

“It’s not because I like you, I just need something to stop me thinking,” you clarified. 

“Again, you don’t have to ask me.” His lips brushed against yours before they teased your jawline and his breath warmed your ear. “You can use me however you want.”

It was already a messy situation and adding sex to the mix was only going to end badly but you needed it. You needed to forget the thoughts racing through your head and you needed the high of an orgasm. Charles was more than willing to give you both when he carried you back to his bed.

The next time you woke you were in a far better headspace.

You felt the ghost of a kiss on your cheek before Charles left to get ready for the day but you buried your head deeper in the pillow and tried to ignore the sweet ache in your body. It was impossible. Your core throbbed with the memory of how he had filled it and your thighs pressed together in search of friction only to feel the beard burn he had left between them. 

“Fuck,” you groaned as you realised you would not be getting back to sleep.

“Regretting your life choices?” Charles asked from the doorway, two mugs of coffee in his hands and not a lick of clothing to be seen.

“On the list of my regrets, this doesn’t even register,” you said as you sat up and accepted the hot cup, your state of undress not much better. “But it would have been easier if you sucked in bed.”

“How’s that?” He lifted his pillow up against the headboard and took a seat with an amused grin at the compliment.

“For starters, I wouldn’t want to do it again. Things are already complicated enough and now I have technically been fucked by my boss.”

“If you want to get technical, you fucked me,” he pointed out with a smirk. “You were in control, babe.”

You took a deep breath and told yourself it was too early for violence, even if he was right. Charles had been quite clear on the fact you were in control, especially when he sat in much the same position against the headboard and let you ride him into oblivion. “Maybe it will make it on my list of regrets after all.”

“You can worry about them later,” he said after a few mouthfuls of his coffee. “We should start getting ready to head to the track and your hair screams ‘sex’. Bathroom is across the hall, there’s a new toothbrush in the top drawer if you need.”

“Wow, a spare toothbrush? That screams manwhore.”

“I’m just being a gentleman, you’re the one that swallowed.”

You nearly spilled the coffee with the laugh that bubbled out of your mouth unexpectedly. “Ah, there’s the regret. I knew I should have snowballed you.”

His nose wrinkled with the idea and you laughed darkly. Next time he would probably hesitate and remember this conversation. You froze. You were already thinking about the next time you would fuck and that was enough to stun you silent so you busied your mouth finishing the drink. 

It was hard not to fall in love with the atmosphere of race week in Monaco. Arriving hand in hand with Charles had the desired effect and you were still feeling the ripples of it as the day ended. 

“I’m exhausted and I didn’t even do anything,” you admitted through the headset as the private helicopter whisked you back to Nice. 

Charles flexed his hand that had furiously signed autographs right up until the moment he stepped inside the helicopter. “It gets like that sometimes but I only feel it after everything goes quiet.”

“Are you sure you want to come to this dinner? You can go home and rest. Jacques can fly you back.”

Charles reached across the seat and took your hand even though there was no audience to witness the touch. “And leave you alone with your parents?” he chuckled, shaking his head. “That’s not going to happen.”

“I have managed to survive 25 years on my own.”

“That’s a miracle in itself. I probably wouldn’t be trusted with the steak knife if that was me.”

You grinned at the joke and rested your head on his shoulder. “I like this dark side of you.”

“I suppose that’s a start.”

Your good mood was brought down the moment you spotted the mansion before landing. Too many cars lined the driveway for the simple family dinner your mother planned and you fell quiet as the helicopter touched down in the backyard. 

“What is this?” Charles asked, looking down at his casual jeans and sweatshirt.

“The tenth circle of hell,” you muttered.

Veronica was practically vibrating with excitement when you arrived at the patio door and she held out two tickets for the opera tomorrow night, as requested. “Silly girl. You have dinner with Prince Albert, you can’t even go.”

Charles knew better after seeing the many masks you had adorned to hide your thoughts but it still amazed him how quickly you could become a woman he didn’t recognise. A sneer grew, twisting your smile into a cruel mockery of the one he knew and your eyes narrowed as you swiped the tickets from her hand.

“Why didn’t you tell me that before?”

“I tried, but that’s what you get for being a spoiled little brat.”

“Alicia! My room, now!” Your voice carried through the mansion and you stormed up the stairs with Charles following behind, his cheeks flushed pink with embarrassment. The maid was already waiting outside your bedroom door when you arrived and you barrelled inside, slamming the door shut in Veronica’s smirking face.

The dress hanging in the closet was still wrapped in the garment bag and you took it off the hanger, holding it out to Alicia. “Get this dress out of my sight! I never want to see it again.”

Alicia looked a little shocked at the outburst you needed to be heard through the door. “But it is McQueen.”

“I don’t care!” You lowered your voice to a whisper and reached into your pocket. “Here’s two tickets to La Bohème, take the dress and go with Javier. You didn’t think I forgot your anniversary, did you? Go.”

Tears filled Alicia’s eyes and she threw her arms around you. “Thank you.”

You shook your head and sincerely said, “You deserve more than this.”

Alicia dipped at the waist and delicately hung the dress over her arm as she walked to the door. Veronica saw the tears in Alicia’s eyes and shook her head as the quiet maid rushed down the stairwell.

“Your father will hear about this tantrum.”

You tipped your nose up and crossed your arms smugly. “I’m his only child, that makes me his favourite by default. Now run along and tell him.”

Veronica turned on her heel with a scoff and you closed the door before sighing heavily. You would probably pay for the insolence in one way or another but it was worth it.

“Why did you do that?” Charles asked as he reached past your hip and locked the door.

“I couldn’t pay for the tickets myself and they already think the worst of me, might as well play the fool for a good cause.”

Charles opened his arms and you stepped into the embrace. He could see how draining the act was and couldn’t wait until the day you left Nice. “You’re a good person,” he said quietly before pressing a soft kiss to your forehead.

“I don’t think the guests downstairs would agree with you. I don’t even know why they are here.”

You found out soon enough when you emerged from your room dressed in more appropriate attire. Just as you suspected, it was punishment and you would play the fool once again for your mother’s entertainment. You felt sick seeing the grand piano in the dining hall and your fingers stiffened at the thought of sitting in front of the guests to play at her whim.

“Are you okay?” Charles asked as he saw your pallor fade.

Forcing the discontent away, you smiled in time for the first guest to spot your entrance into the room. “Just peachy, Charles. Ready to act lovesick?”

He didn’t need to act, and you found it all too easy that maybe it wasn’t acting either. Your body fit perfectly into the curve of his arm and you moved together through the room making introductions. But all too soon your mother dragged you away and snapped her finger at the piano.

“The Economy Minister favours Beethoven,” she whispered with a look to the man your father was for lack of a better word, schmoozing. “Don’t fuck this up.”

Click here for next part.

[libraryofgage]

The Wish Job (One)

Part of: Steve Deserves Good Parents, Actually

Debbie and Fester Addams One | Two | Three | Four | Five Rick and Evelyn O'Connell One | Two | Three Harley Quinn One | Two1 0th Doctor and Rose One | Two (on the way!) Scooby Gang (there are plans for this one lmao, so plz be patient with me orz) Jedidiah and Octavius (from Night at the Museum) One | Two Queen Clarisse Renaldi One | Two | Three Leverage Crew One (you're here!)

This fic was line jumped! If you'd like to learn more about line jumping (getting to see your favorite fics updated sooner) you can read this post

I had a lot of thoughts for this AU, actually, so I'm really glad it got line jumped so I was forced to put them down into words lol

Steve becomes one of Nana's foster kids, but he spends a majority of this series with the Leverage crew working a job (as the name of this series suggests), and they fill similarly parental role.

As always, if you see any typos, no you didn't ;P

----

After his father's arrest, everything is a blur. Steve can remember flashes, sure, but nothing concrete. Nothing more than two FBI agents in the door of his classroom, the cold steel of interrogation room chairs, an agent's ponytail with split ends, a kind smile but clammy hand on his elbow, the broken A/C of the car when he finally left the FBI office, and the slippery feel of the garbage bag he's given to pack 14 years of a life he'll never see again.

Nothing comes back into focus until he's faced with an older black woman, standing outside a two-story house. The man with a kind smile but clammy hands introduces her, but Steve doesn't actually hear the name.

"You can call me Nana," the woman says, looking at the man like she doesn't know why he's still there when his work is obviously done.

"Well, uh, Steve, feel free to call if you need anything. We'll keep in touch," the man says, nodding before half-running down the walk way.

"Never liked him," Nana says, clicking her tongue. "Too damn squirrely for my tastes. Now, Steve, come inside and we'll go over some ground rules."

Steve follows her mechanically, gripping his trash bag tightly and wondering far too late why he wasn't allowed to pack his own suitcases. The house is a cacophony of noises: feet running across wood floors, a TV blaring from the living room, shouts coming from every direction, a microwave beeping while the oven timer rings, a crash from the next room over that makes Steve wince.

Nana stands in the doorway, takes a deep breath, and then shouts at the top of her lungs, "Y'all had better stop all this racket right the fuck now before I cancel pizza night!"

The house goes silent, and Steve feels his shoulders tense even more. He hates the silence. Silence means anger, and anger means punishment. He clenches his jaw, trying to keep himself small as Nana nods and leads the way into a dining room.

A girl appears in the room shortly after, carrying a mug and a soda. She places the mug in front of Nana and the soda in front of an empty seat, gesturing for Steve to sit. "Welcome. I can take your bag, if you want," she offers, looking at the trash bag with bright eyes.

"Don't make trouble, Breanna," Nana says, dismissing her easily.

Steve watches her leave before sitting. He licks his lips, opens the soda as quietly as he can manage, and waits for Nana to take a sip from her mug before saying, "Thank you for taking me in, ma'am."

"I said to call me Nana, none of that ma'am business unless you're in trouble, and you're not in trouble," she says, waving her hand dismissively. "Now, the rules. No complaining about sharing a room. No TV remote access after seven because that's when my shows start. We all eat dinner together on Wednesday night. You go to school every day unless you're sick, and you tell me when you're feeling sick. You got all that?"

"Yes, m....Nana."

"Good. Now, I know you're used to a fancier living than this, but I expect you to adjust without too much complaint. You still get your own bed, and whatever you brought is yours to keep, but money is tight. We save where we can, and I expect you to help with that. Turn off lights, use less water, unplug things when you're not using them."

Steve nods again, inexplicably feeling a little better as Nana speaks. She's not treating him like a spoiled brat, but she's not coddling him, either. She gets another boy (an older one named Hardison) to give him a tour of the house. He shows Steve the mezzuzahs on each door and the Kaaba directional marker in each room---"We're a multi-denominational household, kid, Nana will get whatever you need if she doesn't have it already," Hardison says, grinning widely at him---and makes sure he knows which spots are good for hiding when he needs a few minutes.

He ends the tour at Steve's new room. It has two bunk-beds, three of the bunks with rumpled sheets and one bottom bunk devoid of sheets altogether. Hardison gives Steve blue sheets, welcomes him, and then leaves Steve to unpack by himself.

It's new, it's unfamiliar, it's terrifying. Steve hopes, despite himself, that it's not a temporary stop.

----

"I don't care! He can't stay!"

"We're already in London, Hardison. We can hardly send him back on a plane by himself."

"Isn't that how he got here in the first place? He's 17, not seven."

Steve moves his gaze from Hardison to Sophie to Eliot, feeling like he's watching a tennis match. He's sandwiched between Nate and Parker, a hand on his shoulder holding him back from trying to defend himself. Not that he's upset about it. Keeping everyone from turning their frustration on him sounds like a great idea.

"Yeah, and how did he get here?" Parker asks, dashing Steve's hopes right as they're forming.

He shifts uncomfortably as everyone looks at him, ducking his head and staring at the floor. A small part of him is frustrated, angrily protesting the familiar move when its usual target has long been absent.

"Hey, give him some room," Hardison says, moving forward to push Nate and Parker back a few steps. He stands at an angle to Steve, leaving him plenty of room to move away if he wants. "Nobody's angry, kid. Well, I'm a little mad, but only because you could be putting yourself in danger. So, how'd you catch up to us?"

Steve wonders for a brief moment about whose wrath he'd rather endure. In the end, he decides Breanna is scarier than Hardison, so he lies. "Nana and I overheard you on the phone with Parker at Hannukah dinner, and then Nana said she gets worried about you sometimes," he says, meeting Hardison's eyes before glancing away. He makes himself small again, but it's on purpose this time, broadcasting shame as he adds, "I still have, um, access to my savings account...from my....from them. Enough for a plane ticket and cab ride, at least."

"Aww, Nana worries about us," Parker says, smiling brightly as she nudges Eliot with her elbow. "That's sweet."

"If it weren't a lie," Sophie says, her lips pursed and her eyebrows raised slightly as she walks closer to Steve. She taps his shoulder, his temple, and his hand. "Lowered head but not as low as before. Shoulders drawn in but tense to hold them there. Fingers twitching just slightly. Impressive, I will admit, but I'm a professional, darling."

Steve sighs and lifts his head, his shoulders relaxing some as he frowns. "You didn't have to call me out on it," he mumbles.

"Breanna got you here, didn't she? Ain't no way you'd lie to protect anyone else."

"She could ruin me, Hardison."

"I can ruin you, too, did you forget about that?"

Steve considers him for a moment before shrugging.

"Well," Nate says, clapping his hands together and pulling everyone's attention to him. "Steve is here now, we might as well use him. Sophie, give him an Italian accent and some suede shoes."

"I can already speak Italian," Steve says, "and I have my own suede shoes to match a Cesare Attolini suit." He feels something like guilt twinge in his stomach when Hardison glances at him. Steve's mother may have forfeited custody of him, but she still sends gifts every now and then. Steve usually sells them, slips the cash into drawers and wallets and couch cushions so they can be discovered by Nana and his foster siblings.

The suit and shoes, though? Steve couldn't bring himself to sell them. If there was one thing he missed about life before Nana's foster home, it was the clothes. It was the way his clothes made him feel like a better version of himself, a version everyone would admire and approve of. So, yeah, he'd kept the clothes and shoes his mother sent him two months ago, and he'd packed them for this trip just because.

He'd glad they seem to be coming in handy.

After processing his words, Nate blinks, a smile growing on his face like he's discovered a treasure he won't be letting go of any time soon.

----

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[rise-my-angel]

Melancholy Interlude

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader

Length: 16k

Warnings: angst/hurt comfort with happy ending, mentions of past trauma, discussing death of loved ones, smut, oral (f receiving), p in v, cockwarming, showering together, massaging, body insecurity,

Notes: This was supposed to be shorter at 8k until I doubled that in one day cus I can't help myself. I'm so sorry. Direct continuation of Haunted Anguish, next chapter here, apart of the Confused Warmth storyline.

You had never been sure how permanent your life in Jackson would be. It started as whispers you didn't quite believe, yet you found yourself leaned against the wall that evening, one hand holding up a map. It said laid out on your bent knee making pencil scratching on it while your flashlight was bit between your teeth for any kind of a light source. You never gave much thought to why your life was directed to that town specifically. Back then it was just another name, another place you didn't even know would still be standing when you got there. 

But Joel had called you family. A man grappling to accept his own place in this life, trying desperately to pull you along with him. Create a new family together that all three of you could live with. The only family you had ever known before was nothing more then a mystery. People who you had been been ripped away from before you could understand who you were to them. 

Perhaps that's why as you were struggling to pack up the last of your belongings. Leaving this small, isolating house meant having a new permanent place in Joel and Ellie’s family, but honestly? You weren’t quite sure what family was even supposed to feel like. Memory of what family felt like was filled with confusion and silence, the exact opposite of what Joel was trying to coax out of you. 

So you sat there in your once comforting old house, back against the thin metal bed frame as your feet were planted flat on the ground, one knee bent towards you much like the night before you chose to come here. Your nails dug into your lip as the other hand tapped against the leg laying down. Trying to decide what of your old life deserved to be brought into this one, and how much it would make Joel pull away from you if you still couldn’t let go of it. 

The thud of footsteps had your head rising in attention. Eyes wide with a pound of your heart causing you to scramble up to turn around and pretending to sort through the scattered items on the bed. A bag laid open and begging for you to just choose what to bring with you already, as you had no doubt Joel was about to comment on how empty it was. 

Steps coming towards the room, you caught partially imagine the sight behind you. Joel’s large frame taking up most of the door as he had one arm rested up high on the wood, with the other hung onto a belt loop on the same side his leg stood bent to the side. Turning your head just the slightest to the side, there Joel stood exactly as you pictured. 

A small moment of amusement just strong enough to pull a smirk on your lips before you turned back to the pile before you. Warmth enveloped your back as he placed a resting hand over it, leaning over your shoulder with a squint at your progress. “You’re going to end up kicking me out of my own room, bringing all that with you.” 

His chin jutted out to the bag just as you predicted. Your shoulders shrugged, not yet looking at him while you fiddled with the clothes you folded and refolded. “Just don’t want to take up space is all.” 

A rumbling hmm vibrated against your back from deep in his chest. Instead of responding, Joel just reached around you and grabbed the pile in one hand and tossed it unceremoniously into the bag. A plop of fabric slumped into the insides while Joel continued to reach and pull your small survival kit in front of you. 

Sparing a glance you were taken back to find Joel’s stark brown eyes already boring into your own. He only waited for a raise of your eyebrows to dismiss your complaint. “If that’s you taking up space I’d hate to see what the bare minimum would be.” 

You watched his body leave your side and the radiating warmth along with it as he leaned his body up against the adjacent wall. Arms crossed as he refused to take his eyes off you. “How many times am I going to have to remind you that I asked you to move in. Not the other way around.” 

The sigh that left your body was heavy, deflating your shoulders more if such a thing were even possible. Your nails dug into the skin of your fingers as you fiddled with them. “It’s just, moving in is supposed to be this big deal isn’t it?” 

That was a cope and you both knew it. So you kept not looking at him as if he couldn’t call your bluff if he didn’t see your face. Joel however, didn’t have the patience for this game. “Not sure I’d call saving you the 5 minutes it takes to walk to my house every morning, that you barley even have to do anymore anyways, a big deal.” 

He got a smirk out of you again. Joel had basically kept you at his house for the past week and a half like you already lived there. The only reason he brought up finally moving the rest of your stuff in today was only when you woke up this morning realizing you’d have to wear Joel’s stuff just to wash all of your own. 

You’re flat response of, “What? You suddenly decide you don’t want me wearing your clothes anymore?” Didn’t go unscathed. Only getting you a slap to your ass as Joel walked by you, muttering something under his breathe about you being a brat. If that man had his way, you’d live in his stuff just to satisfy his greedy eyes. 

Now though, your mind was flaring with hangups. The once worrying thought of invading in their lives creeping up on you. Only this time you had no excuse. You both knew he wanted you with him, and deep down you wanted it too. But being a father to Ellie was new, and you didn’t want to get in the way of it. 

Dropping the things in your hand, you turned your body entirely to look at him. Joel was too handsome for his own good, and it made you weak. Your voice came out meeker then intended, “I just want to be sure you asked me because you and Ellie genuinely want it, not because-” 

“Because you think I only asked you when you were upset? And not because I’ve been thinking about asking you every single time you go home for bed at night when I should be pulling you into mine” His face always looked serious. His soft features somehow capable of sitting harsh and stern on his face that you thought was anger when first meeting him. 

Joel’s eyes though spoke other emotions. Yearning swam through them with need, a perfect match to the itch in your muscles begging to seek comfort in his arms when you felt like this. Your head dropped in frustration. A wish flowing through you that you could just give up these urges to push him away. He has done nothing but shown you support and possibly something bordering on love, yet here you were trying to create scenarios in your head that were the opposite. 

This time when Joel’s body heat looms over you, he lets it consume you entirely as pulls your back into his chest. Automatically your eyes slide shut, leaning back into him with hands weakly grasping at his forearms around your front. His voice deep in your ear as he spoke. 

“If you want to stay here, that’s fine. I’m not demanding anything, but it’s still all on you. If you don’t want to stay with us you have to decide that for yourself. But don’t put that on me by making up excuses in your head, sweetheart.” You bit part of your lip instinctively when you felt Joel press a kiss to the top of your head. 

“Joel-”

He interrupted you, sliding his arms from your torso to rest his hands on your waist as he kept his nose pressed to your hair. Mumbling his words. “You come over when you’re ready. I’m leaving that space for you whether you take it or not.” 

You missed him already as he pulled away, the loud thud of his shoes echoing in the mostly empty house as he left. The last of his presence fading with the creaking front door and sounds of him descending the steps. 

It felt dirty, but there still was no time between Joel no longer in sound range and you bending to the ground, tearing out the loose floorboard to drag out the small wooden that lived in there. Resting it on the bed, you flicked it open rummaging through the scattered contents. Finding the leather binding at the bottom, you dragged your fingertips over it. 

The urge to open it back up and reread the text for what would feel like the millionth time once again resurfacing. The tome of writings and works that filled it once was a memory you stopped caring to obsess over. Your past was laid out out in detail that didn’t matter for a long time. Everyone had a past they wished to forget. 

So why did it keep yelling at you to remember it? Look at it again and ask of it’s relevancy to your life now it begged. But your past was only getting in the way. You’d bring this manuscript of memories to your life with Joel and it would loom over you, and it would be much harder to keep secret. 

Everything else on the bed got tossed into your bag, while the journal filled with painful memories you haunted yourself with once again got stowed away in the floorboard. Hastily being hidden back in it’s place, as if the wood wasn’t disturbed beside the rest of the floor. 

You didn’t look back at the house as you walked hastily onto the front yard, but you did however come face to face with the only other person who could do a better job at convincing you to move in then Joel could. 

Ellie sat on top of a tall rock, hands tapping at her thighs while she looked around. Her head only perking up when she saw you, but seemed to hold herself back from jumping down eagerly at the sight of your things. Instead slowly sliding her feet onto the gravel trying to keep an even tone. “Is that the rest of it?” 

Your heart tickled at how much she was pretending to be neutral. Without much thought, you slid your bag down your arm and tossed it to her. Watching with a hand hiding the laugh wanting to burst out at the sight of Ellie almost falling back onto the rock with an ‘oof’ at the sudden weight. 

Getting her bearings she glared up at you with a baby pout. “Did you pack all your furniture in here too?” 

That got you rolling your eyes, no longer bothering to hide the smile as you stepped to her. Grabbing the bag and sliding it back over your shoulder, the other hand pulling Ellie into your free side by the shoulder. “You and Joel live together or something? It’s like hearing his jokes but coming out of your mouth.” 

Ellie deciding to stay leaning into your side the short walk back to her home. “Yeah, but I’m the one people actually laugh at.” 

Your face pinched in amusement, unable to hold back what would no doubt rile her up. “Oh? Laugh at what? Your jokes or just you?” Not much strength went behind how much she shoved you, and her face falling at how little you stumbled only got you to laugh out loud this time. 

“Don’t say it.” Her tone was grumpy, much like the very man she lived with and you let the laugh go until it was a chuckle. You didn’t say it, but you definitely were laughing at her that time. Apparently you being apart of their family meant being infected with the incessant urge to make jabs at one another.

Just another thing you weren’t used too.

The evening was a little bit easier then the packing. Joel all but threw your bag onto the floor of his bedroom before crowding you up against the wall. His lips moulding against yours with his hands cupping your cheeks. His tongue licked and teased at yours without ever fully committing, in and effort to restrain his dwindling self control. 

Your hands snuck underneath the collar of his shirt to run your palms over his shoulders and the back of his neck, nails digging into the exposed skin. All you could do was surrender your lips to his kiss and hold onto him for the ride. 

As he deepened the kiss, one of your hands snaked up to rake through his hair pulling a bass like grumble deep in his chest. Joel’s knee forcing it’s way between your legs, and using an arm to wrap around your back pulling you down onto it. 

The shock against your core even through the layers spiked in your veins, a mix of a cry and a moan escaping your lips. Joel’s door not even fully closed you bit your lip harshly and dug your nails deeper into his skin to ground yourself. 

Joel however, groaned into your mouth and pushed up against you the same time he pulled you down again, slowly dragging his thigh back and forth ever so slightly. His hands strong, keeping you pressed against him, the constant pressure filling up in your lungs only able to come out in breathy pants to contain yourself. 

You both knew now wasn’t the time though. There were things to do, Ellie was up and around but Joel didn’t make it easy. A hand at the back of your head coaxing you back in every time you pulled away from his kiss. He was all consuming though, never not putting everything into his touch and trying to get away from his greediness as a challenge. 

Gently you pulled your hands from under his shirt collar, smoothing down to press against him just above the stomach as you tried to fight against his hand keeping you attached to his mouth. For a moment Joel looked concerned at you pushing him away. His grip on you turning urgent instead of needy and his eyes ducked more to lock with yours only to find softness instead of upset. 

You rubbed against his torso, and another along his cheek. Feeling his beard scratching at your skin delightfully. “Later.” 

You felt his hands pull away from such a greedy hold and simmer down to a gentle rest on your waist as he looked down at you, his lips just a tad more plump from the roughness he kissed you with. His nose rubbed against the skin of your cheek, his breathe hitting you with each soft spoken word. “What, you move in and suddenly you think you’re going to start telling me what to do?” 

Grinning, you kissed just below his ear as your thumbs stroked over where they could reach his covered stomach. “Get back to work, Miller. We got all the time in the world for this later.” You both knew the idea of Joel being ordered around by you was laughable. Whatever independence he respected whole heartedly in your everyday life went out the window the second that door closed.  You put your needs in the palm of his hands when it came to intimacy and neither of you had interest in changing that. 

The chuckle on his lips lit his face up, Joel pulled you into his side and made his way to the partially opened door. Leaning to kiss the top of your head with a mumble, “You bet your ass I’ll make time, sweetheart.” 

Finally pulling away from you Joel walked into the main room, clearly having things to go over with Ellie as you walked to the kitchen table and moved a large pack up onto it. You circled around to see the main part of the house as you pulled out an axe handle detached from it’s blade, looking a little worse for wear. Not anything that couldn’t be fixed, but you couldn’t help but wonder what on earth Tommy had been doing to bust up the handle like that. 

Strange how it still felt intrusive, glancing up to see Ellie and Joel in a whisper toned conversation you weren’t invited too. Ellie’s face bright with some kind of teasing mischief while contrasting against the much more flat faced fondness Joel was giving to her. So you looked back down. Focused on what you were doing, and prayed maybe living like a normal family would just get easier with time. 

Being in Joel’s home with him felt routine yet foreign. Like being here as a part of his life now switched a flip in your head, had you looking at this life and wondering if everyone else felt as distant as you. If someone were to ask about your previous life you weren’t even sure what you would tell them. Once haunting dreams were pushed into the back of your mind as your new life filled your nightmares with new images. 

It wasn’t as if you’d never seen anything domestic, small pockets of people for years made a life with some semblance of peace. Hell if you walked into Tommy and Maria’s home on any given day you might not even think it was a changed world outside those walls. They were normal. So why did being normal with Joel feel so odd? Especially when you knew it wasn’t his fault.

Joel had tried not long ago to entice you to bed, a deep rumbling in your ear and wandering hands that burned in it’s wake stirred your core. You were with them, with him. You chose a life with them and it seemed to have given Joel as desperate yearning for proof. Have you in his home and not worry that he’ll wake up one day from the fantasy. 

You gently pushed him back, told him you’d be there in a second. Which by now, was at least twenty minutes ago. Instead of being in his arms, your own were wrapped around each other as they rested on the soaking banister outside. It wasn’t a pouring rain, but a mist that reminded you all too well of the day you were walked into town. A defensive expression and held back silence as it slowly soaked your hair, barley beginning to dry when a door flew open and in walked a broad man with a permanent glare that for some reason found your defensive silence enticing. 

Now that glare had simmered down to a general gruffness, the past year since he arrived softened those edges, whereas the months you had been here brought struggles and unknowns into his attempt at peace. Interrupting the desire to feel like a family by having the memory of your pathetic excuse of a childhood, and how that somehow continues you to haunt your life.  Looming over your mind like a parasite. 

Or a fungus to be more insensitive. You’d smirk at your own terrible sense of humour, but honestly Ellie is the only person on earth who’d consider laughing at that and even then, you’re not quite sure how much she actually knew about it. How much did the Marlene actually tell her about her truth and what the consequences would have been without Joel? 

The light misting you had been receiving lulled you into your thoughts enough that the dim outside light flickering on startled you. Before you could question it, the door creaked open and closed as Joel found a spot pressed close to your side, arms brushing together. 

“Didn’t think having sex on the front lawn was part of the plan for the night.” Somehow his warmth still enveloped the side closest to you even over the mist. He didn’t pull you into his side or back to his chest though, he knew when to let you come to him. 

Barley managing a smirk, any joke to respond with died as you opened your mouth. “I uh, wasn’t really ready. Too much on my mind I guess.” Your jaw clenched along with your lungs tightening hoping not to give away the anxiety in your breathing. 

You could see Joel nodding in his peripherals, his lips pursed in thought looking straight ahead into the dark street as you were. His eyes weren’t quite on you when he turned his head slightly to the side, maybe enough to watch your nails unconsciously carve into the wood they rested on. For some reason, you took his silence as offence. “I didn’t mean- nothing to do with not wanting you or anything. I meant like, I’d be distracted you know?” 

You couldn’t quite see but Joels eyes slipped shut as his jaw clenched even harder with the single shake of his head. Still not looking up at you as he spoke, disappointment flowing through his voice. “I wish you’d stop doing that.” 

Finally your head turned, looking at him properly as Joel did the same to you. You raised an eyebrow at him while your lungs continued to restrict your airflow. Joel’s eyes didn’t keep the same disappointing tone of his voice. Instead they held a sort of frustration. “Making excuses for yourself. Acting like you know what I want to hear, when all I care about is what’s actually going on up here.” 

Your eyes fluttered briefly as you felt Joel’s hand smooth over the side of your head. His touch lingering a second too long but still pulling back to give you that space. Biting the inside of your cheek, you felt your own frustration build. Pushing up on the banister, your palms now sat flat atop the wet surface finally giving you a chance to take a deeper breathe. 

“Does it ever feel weird to you?” You looked over at Joel who was now giving you a questioning look, but you didn’t know how much you wanted to watch him as your continued. “Having all of this? Waking up with a normal life when the last time any of us had it was drastically different?” 

Joel had never been made quite clear on your own past, but he has been open to you in quiet moments during the night about his. What led him here, what brought him and Ellie together, how far off track his life became once everything started, and most painfully, what he lost that brought him here. You never asked about Sarah directly, it wasn’t your place but you both knew what was being unsaid.

Joel pushed up on the banister to copy your own stance, not needing to say anything about the hand closest to him that twitched slightly. “The life itself doesn’t feel weird to me. But accepting that I was allowed to have it again was. Well, more painful if I’m being honest.” 

Your fingers tingled with an urge to reach out, link at least a pinky to his but you didn’t want to interrupt him as he found his mind wandering in the forest. “Raising Ellie isn’t anything like what it was with Sarah. Our life now is completely different then the one I had with her. Getting used to that wasn’t the hard part.” 

Joel’s own hand slid over to rest over top the very wrist you had been glancing at. This time you’re the one who filled the void between words. “It was accepting that wanting it wasn’t wrong.” 

His eyes were bright but filled with a glaze that wasn’t caused by the mist. His grip tightened and then loosened on repeat as his shoulders sat high and tense on his body. “I don’t regret the way it turned out. With Ellie I mean. If you send me and her back a year when I first met her I’d do it all over again for her.” There was a pause before a tiny smirk started to grow. “Maybe be less of an asshole about it but that’s beside the point.” 

The grip on his wrist finally loosened, enough that you could see the colour returning to his skin as he spoke. “But if I’m being honest? Sarah would’ve given me shit for how long it took me to even consider trying any of this again. She was always trying to find ways to make it easier for me or to just convince me to make things easier on myself. Not sure she’d be happy that it took me all this time to actually start listening to her. To just do things for myself for once.”

Your heart filled with a sorrow, despite the love in his voice the pain would never go away. But she was right, if Joel wasn’t going to make it easier on himself then you and Ellie were there to start picking up the slack. You found your courage and reached over with a pink to lightly wrap it across his own, but Joel wasn’t having it. 

The same hand lifted up suddenly and grabbed your hand entirely, holding it firm in his warm grip before resting it back down. His thumb positioned just right to stroke the skin of your own wrist. 

You didn’t have anything to say to make him feel better, but you knew at least one thing that you knew to be true. “She’d be proud of you.” You could feel his muscles straining through this arm down to his fingertips as you took a step to the slide, pressing your body much more against him. “Everything you’ve done? She’d still be proud. You love each other, and even now that still has never gone away. And it’s never going to.”

You couldn’t bare to look at him at that moment. Already knowing how he looked, trying to old back a silent agony that threatened to water up in his eyes if he dwelled for too long. Joel barley started to speak before you refused to let him backtrack. “I’m proud of you too. I’m glad you have all this, actually found a life again.” 

He used his hold on you to pull you into him, his body taking a step back to position you right in front of him. Hands still joined now resting above your heart and his other hand keeping you against him at the waist. The shaky breathe he took stabbed a your heart. His jaw pressed against the side of your head his voice was a coarse whisper. “Then let me do the same for you. Stop pretending I deserve shit that you don’t.” 

Your heart beat harder in your chest, not quite in anxious way but with just the right amount of force that you could feel each beat like a thump. He wanted you to just stop hiding from him, and realistically? Hadn’t he seen enough of you already to know what he’s getting into? It took him weeks upon weeks to learn how to balance healing and being a father again. 

The struggles you two have been through since you arrived in Jackson months ago told him everything he needed to know. Joel knew you better then a single person before ever even wanted to try, hiding from him was useless at this point. You’re lives were intertwined and that’s the way he wanted it. So you just said what the core issue was. 

“I never had a family before this. Not a real one. I don’t know how any of this works.” Ripping it off like a bandaid. Only that rip had Joel’s hands tighten against you. 

You never had one in the first place, and his along with part of his soul was ripped away from him.  His lips pressed against the top of your head as he spoke. “Stop hiding how you feel, and you’re doing just fine, sweetheart.” 

You let go of his hand and turned in his hold. Joel’s arm moving to brace beside you on the banister once more essentially locking you in his space. Much like earlier that day, your hands rested on his stomach, palms smoothed over the soft fabric. Your eyes forcing themselves to look into his own, overwhelmed by the fondness he poured into yours. “I’m not trying to push you away. I just-” 

Joel left your waist to cup the side of your face, “Need time to get used to it?” 

Words got caught in your throat, an emotion crawling up the pipeline to escape that you didn’t want to ruin the sweeter tenderness of the moment. So you nodded instead. 

Joel tilted your jaw to look up at him before leaning down to press a chaste kiss to your lips. Your bodies relaxing as you sighed into the kiss. Letting him guide your mouth without deepening or demanding them further. 

A man truly capable of taking your breathe away with a simple press of his lips you felt lightheaded the more he kept your mouths together, but you didn’t have the will power to pull away. Instead choosing to press up against his front forcing both of his hands to steady you on your hips. 

Joel tilted his head just slightly to change the angle as his own will power cracked a bit. The brief pause you got as he moved gave him the chance to tease the inside of your mouth with his tongue. He pulled you into his hips tighter as your own hands drifted up to grip at his shoulders. 

The more you let him taste you, the weaker you made one another. You came out here alone to escape this intimacy and Joel followed to keep your anxiety from pulling you away. Not to continue what he desired in the first place, yet here you were. Both of you wanting to take away the other’s pain.

Your tongue brushing back against his only to have him pull back, his kiss back to almost a caress, but never did he try and pick up the speed. Just keeping your mouths pressed together like a surviving need. His hands begun to wander, sliding your shirt up just enough to press his hands against your skin. 

Gripping the plushness he found, Joel instinctively pushed his hips into yours unable to control the growing hardness underneath his clothes. However quickly he got you worked up from his rising touch around your sides, shirt rising more and more with it, you had him worked up far quicker with a kiss alone. You let out a muffled moan into his mouth as you felt the bulge between you two grow and rub against your own core. 

You wrapped your arms round the back of his neck raking through the damp hair as the mist continued to make moving against one another slicker. Joel groaned back into your mouth as he greedily continued to press harder against your hips. The sensation of his cock growing harder while pressed right up against you had you pulling away from his mouth just to catch your breath. 

Joel rubbed his nose gently up and down the length of yours, never bothering to open his eyes as he reveled in how comforting your presence made him. As you tried to gently brush your nose back, he playfully nudged you instead, your face pushed slightly to the side so he could continue his path tracing his nose across your soft cheek. 

Your heart lifted, floating in mid air as you let out an honest giggle. Joel kissing you once as he chuckled back. Opening his eyes without pulling away to look at your expression. Lighter then he’d seen it in days. That lightness though, turned to a jumping embarrassment at the exact same time Joel’s turned to it’s standard flat grumpiness at a particular voice behind them. 

“Back to fooling around in the middle of the night so mom won’t catch you Joel?” 

While Joel kept his hold on you, not even bothering to give you the decency of letting your shirt fall back down. Simply not willing to let go of your soft skin for that long he just looked over your shoulder with the blankest of expressions he could muster. 

“You here to watch or did you actually want something?” Furthering the deep grump look on his face, you forced his hands to leave you as you turned back to face the front. Tommy stood not too far from the stairs, one leg bent slightly and hands on his hips to accompany the bemused grin on his face. 

His hand gestured to the porch light, “Saw that was on and I figured I’d stop by to tell you there’s a few spots around the perimeter we should check out sometime in the next few days.” 

Joel’s eyes narrowed more. “That’s what couldn’t wait until morning?” His hands unwilling to be on their own, Joel grabbed at your waist under your shirt once more. Gripping the plush skin there like a stress reliever. 

Tommy himself held a bit of a serious but hesitant look as he rubbed the front of his face. “We should go sooner rather then later. Maria’s mentioned a few weird things around the outskirts that I want to deal with before it becomes an actual issue.” 

You didn’t need to look behind you to know Joel’s head was just as deep in thought as his brothers. It was often they were on the same wavelength about this sort of thing. Your own curiosity getting the better of you, you leaned forward to rest your palms against the banister again, not at all noticing how that left your ass to press up against Joel’s clothed erection just enough to tease him. His hands gripped your hips tightly, keeping you pressed there yet still paying full attention. 

You were the worst thing that ever happened to Joel’s concentration.

“What sort of things?” Tommy looked at you as he shrugged at your question. Not dismissively, but in an unsure kind of manner. 

“Just some stuff out of place, broken fence pole here and there. Nothing massive but it’d be best we deal with it now before some shithead sneaks his way in and causes issues.” 

You tried to stand back up but Joel’s grip stopped you. He didn’t even flinch as he subtly pulled your ass harder against his covered cock, his face and eyes on his brother all business. There was no mistakening his cock twitching against the curve of your ass cheeks it strained behind jeans to slide through. Joel’s voice a bit more gruff, sending a shock down between your legs as you blinked excessively to drain the sudden rush inside you from showing. 

And Joel called you the brat. 

Both brothers agreeing on a time and place before Tommy said his goodbyes. He had already turned around headed home when his voice shouted out one last tease. “Better sneak her in through the window before Ellie sees you’re still up.”

You smirked as Joel rolled his eyes. Finally alone again, Joel tugged you up to stand properly, but turned you with him towards the front door. Before you could open it though, he cupped your chin with his fingers pulling you to his mouth for another innocent kiss. 

His thumb reached to trace back and forth against your bottom lip. Pressure increasing when you gave it a tiny peck, eyes happily watching his. “C’mon trouble maker. Before the boss lady catches us.” 

His smile was just soft, pulling you in for another kiss lasting seconds longer. His lips brushing against yours as he spoke. “We’re honest with each other from now on, okay?” Your nod wasn’t enough. “I need you to say it out loud. Promise me.”

You reached up, scratching gently at the scruff of his beard. “I promise.” 

His brows narrowed as he nodded in acceptance. Joel though was always good at compartmentalizing, and a dark glint slid across his eyes as did a smirk. Teasing you with a brush of his tongue once more in the next kiss, refusing to pull away from tasting your mouth until you did for air. His voice was deep and dripping in a lust that burned your bones. “Now about what you ran away from earlier.” 

You let out a genuine surprised smile as he grabbed your hips. Pushing you towards the front door only letting go to open it, get you inside with one hand still guiding you. The second you both were inside Joel used that one hand to tug you forcefully into his chest. 

His head bent to whisper in your ear along with a nibbling kiss. “Now be good and go lay out on our bed for me.” His tongue licked and kissed along your neck that he could reach from behind. “I have other places on you I need to taste.” 

Shoving you forward you heard the front door finally close, and followed by the click of the lock as you walked towards his room at the end of the hall. Or your room to be specific. No doubt Joel was going to turn that kind of mentality into a lecturing lesson if you didn’t knock that off. 

The last time though that you ever shared a room with someone else, was before you went off by yourself. Was when you were traveling with a group in a place where there were only so many rooms to sleep in. People that turned around and stabbed you in the back, or more accurately, tried to attack you in your sleep. You were alone until Jackson. 

You hadn’t quite listened to Joel. You found yourself stuck as you sat at the edge of the bed, hands braced on your knees trying to imagine living in this room like it was yours. Small hints of Joel were everywhere but even with the things you brought over there was very little you could add to it. It still was his room to you. 

By the time Joel crept in quietly, his eyes narrowed at your eyes distant looking at nothing. Your fingers tapping at your legs the only movement you were making. He knew talking more of it out right now wouldn’t help you. You were lost in your head enough as it was, especially the past week and a half. 

Sitting down and coaxing uncomfortable truths more then you’ve already shared today wasn’t the answer. No, Joel needed to do something for you that he knew you weren’t going to even consider doing for yourself. He needed to get you away from your thoughts for a while. 

Ironically, Joel so naturally did for you what Sarah had insisted he do for himself. Stand back and stop thinking for a little while.

Your eyes slid to the side to see his figure near the door. You could hazily see him pulling off his flannel leaving him only in a soft grey tee shirt. Turning your head to look at him more you were caught on the shirt rather then his determined expression. Joel just looked so soft like this. No stiff posture at the ready for any moves, no layers bulking his already large and intimidating frame, no weapons strapped to either of you braced for the worst. 

No words were exchanged as he stepped to you, his fingers pulling your chin up to look at him. His brown eyes were dark and lost in a thought of his own, but Joel was better at juggling his life and his mind then you were. You stretched your neck up to meet his body leaning over you. 

What you assumed would be a gentle kiss consumed you as soon as your lips met one another. Joel’s hand grasped the back of your neck, keeping you angled up at his will. His kiss was harsh, much harsher then anything earlier in the day. 

He moved against yours demanding you obey him, even through how much he stole your breathe away. A large hand grasped at your hip as he worked in tandem with you to push further onto the bed and pushing your body down entirely when you reached the middle. Climbing up on top of you, his hand drifted up to cup the back of your head as his tongue teased you without ever following through. 

Trying to pull away, you drifted to his neck without ever keeping you mouth off of him. Small kisses turned to scratches of your teeth before you bit down with more force. A stuttered groan left him as his body seized up. The hand on your head leaving to press into the sheets beside you curled into a fist.

You could feel the coarse brush of his facial hair against your cheek the higher up his neck you bit at, but it felt as if it heightened your greed to give more to him. There was no amount of Joel’s roughness in appearance or nature that you didn’t bask in. It just scratched against you, fueling your own need to lightly lick at whatever your teeth just sunk into. Ease what roughness was imprinted on him even by you. 

Too distracted by the low needy sounds he tried and failed to hold back you didn’t realize his hands had moved. It wasn’t until he yanked your pants half way down your thighs did you even realize he undid the button and zipper. You gasped, pulling from his neck to see dark eyes and his mouth slightly open from harsh breaths. Using to fingers he tapped at your naked thigh, “Up.” 

Nodding you gave him enough room to slid it down further and watched as he hastily yanked it the rest of the way off and tossed them behind. His brows were narrowed and his face much sharper then when you were outside. For a second Joel just stared at you, raising an eyebrow waiting to see if you cooperated. 

Hesitantly, you bent your knees up on the bed, your feet flat on the sheets as you spread them just slightly before Joel with one hand pulled your underwear off. The sound of a strain in fabric heard from the lack of patience he had to wait for you to lift your hips up once more. Tossing them even further then your bottoms had reached. 

Whatever distance your legs spread wasn’t anywhere near what he wanted. Joel pushed your knees apart and wasted no time filling the empty space between them. Brushing his lips over your inner thigh, his hands braced on them as well tightly. His facial hair itched you the closer it got to right between your legs, but paled in comparison to the sudden sharp bite he dug his teeth into. You gasped loudly, but the sound of his hand leaving your other thigh to smack at the skin echoed louder. 

Trying to move your legs to give his broad shoulders more space, Joel shoved them for you, straining the muscles as he pushed them beyond what you could stretch yourself and kept them there by pushing his shoulders into the space. “I’m the one doing the work here, got it?” 

His nose traced a path from the top of your mound down to nudge at your clit instead of expecting you to reply. Your nerves sparked alight as he licked your clit, the most feather light nibble next and then another lick. Working you with a sting and a smooth pleasure that had you floating. 

Your feet strained and fidgeted against the sheets as he refused to let up. His path started to take longer, as he left shamelessly mess kisses down the length of your pussy before licking back up to your clit. Nothing but a tease that built up such a coiling pleasure that you were left with barley any thoughts to form into words that weren’t him. 

The deeper he teased his tongue into you with every swipe down, the more he peeked up to see your hands either tearing into your hair or grasping at the sheets below. You didn’t know why you felt him smirk into your folds, but it made you whimper at the sensitive movement. 

If you asked Joel why he did, he’d have nodded to your hands ever finding a place to stay. Joel had no issue with greedily running through your hair as you sucked his cock, but you never found the same courage to reach down and rake yours into his when he went down on you. One of these days he’d finally corrupt you enough, get you to take whatever you needed from him. 

For now though, his hands pushed your thighs now as wide as possible before finally tasting inside of you like he needed. Your hips jolted and your legs strained under his grasp as he licked into you leaving no spot inside untouched. 

Your voice only strong enough to mutter a breathy almost inaudible, “Oh fuck” as his mouth worked you over aggressively. One hand of his slid up over your thigh to just above your mound. His thumb pushing down against your clit and rubbing circles, up and down, anything he could muster while the rest of his hand and arm pushed your hips down significantly. 

Shaking in his hold as he lapped up what you gave him, seeking those prized spots inside of you that had you throw out moans without any filter. The pressure against your pelvis increased how sensitive his work on your clit felt, made you burn the more his mouth tasted you and sent your vision white and ears ringing before you could understand how quickly your orgasm approached. 

The coil inside of you tensing you with pleasure, you didn’t even hear Joel. None of his rasping words hit your ears. You may not have noticed, but your brain did. A warmth flowing through your veins and had your moans desperate and bordering on almost emotional, but it was muted from your consciousness at the warm lick of Joel’s tongue inside you. 

Together it all mixed, and with no true warning, Joel’s hands quickly grasped at the sides of your hips and held you firmly in place as you came. Nothing but needy cries from your mouth, but Joel refused to leave your cunt until you grasped onto him to make him stop. 

You felt shocks at your core at how little he eased up on how aggressively he licked and tasted you after your orgasm started letting you go back down to earth. “Wait, J-Joel, fuck,”

Sliding his greedy mouth back up the length of your core and back to the same treatment he teased you and your clit with at the start, but without any care of how sensitive and soaked you were now. He wanted you to tell him what you needed. Even if it was just to breathe, for him to ease up on your overstimulated pussy for a moment, he needed you to tell him what it was you needed from him. 

You trusted him to take care of you, but he scraped his teeth at your clit trying to coax you to be honest about how you wanted him to take care of you. You pleaded with no real meaning behind it, a cry for him to understand. He did. But he wanted you to know what you wanted. 

It was too much, your brain was foggy and his mouth between your legs was more then you could handle. You started to feel a lurch in your chest and finally it spurred you to reach down. Not even thinking about it, you instinctively raked your hand through his hair and begged. “Joel please, I need a minute. I can’t-” 

One single kiss was pressed to your clit, and Joel pulled away from you. Your eyes were shut, finally able to catch your breathe. His own breathing hitting your face, nose gently rubbing against your cheek as his face leaned over yours. One hand stroking your other cheek and his body laying over yours. His weight pressing you down like a weighted blanket to keep you calm. 

“I got you, sweet girl. You still with me?” His voice strained but soothing. You nodded, feeling Joel kiss your cheek and turning your mouth to press much more gentle against yours. His lips coaxing your heart to slow down to normal finally. 

You slid your arms around him, happily keeping him pressed against you for a while. You nudged your nose against his as you scratched your nails into his hair. “Let me take care of you.” 

Joel shook his head no. Kissing your lips, then your forehead before pressing his against yours. “That’s my job, sweetheart.” He smiled at your brows narrowing along with a pout on your lips. 

“But-”

He kissed you once more, “How about you just keep me nice and warm for a while?” 

In your still far away brain, you didn’t quite get what he meant but you nodded anyways. You trusted him, and all you wanted was to say yes for making him feel good too. He shushed you gently when you reached out for him. Eyes fluttering open to see him taking a moment to shed the rest of his clothes before crawling back to you. 

Joel turned your body to the side, his face in your neck as one hand trailed down to his cock that was pressed up against your ass. You lifted your leg slightly and Joel pulled it back to rest over his, “Up here, that’s right, good girl.” 

He chuckled to himself at the shiver rolling through you at that one. Gently he swiped his cock over your soaked entrance a few times before pressing his chest against your back. Sliding his cock inside of you, there was no resistance to his thick size so soon after having his mouth on you. 

Whimpering slightly, you reached an arm back to wrap behind his neck and Joel kissed the side of your head. You barley could turn to see even part of his face with your eyes struggling to stay open. “Like this?” 

Joel pulled you as close into him as possible, you gasping at the shift of his cock inside of you fitting so snugly. “Just like this, sweetheart.” 

Neither of you moved for a bit, but your limbs felt heavy despite the delicious way his cock filled you even so still. Your head moved further into the pillow as your voice was sleepy. “Joel, I don’t know if I can-” 

Joel’s own eyes were closed at that point. Pressed a kiss to your hair and pulled you as close as he could get you, trying to control himself at your walls clenching around him. “I’m happy just like this.” Your eyebrows narrowed despite your eyes themselves sliding shut like his and you weren’t surprised Joel somehow sensed that. “Just for a little while.” 

That little while wasn’t exactly true. It took little time for you both to fall asleep. Joel only having enough strength to pull the sheet up to cover your naked bottom half before he fell asleep. His arms tight around you, and your pussy tight around his cock. You two would tackle anything heavier another time he decided. 

Though, that wasn’t quite true either. In fact something else entirely would come creeping up on you. But for now, you tried to balance between letting him in, and letting go for yourself. 

It always annoyed you when the weather was like this. The sun bright and clear as it beamed down onto the street, giving the illusion that it would feel warm as it baked into your skin. But instead you were left with a crisp chill in the air and enough snow that forced you to shovel off the platform you were currently on. One of your legs sat tucked under your body as the other hung over the edge, scattered wood sat to the side of you. Holding up large screws up to the sunlight, one eye squinting as you tried to make out how in shape it was. 

Maria had all but thrown a carrying case at you not long ago when she asked “You know much about bows?” Your eyebrow raised in question but you nodded. 

“I know enough.” 

Suddenly you were catching a heavy bag with pieces clanked inside of it. “You can keep them if you have the patience to put them all together.” 

Now here you sat, the limbs of two bows scattered as you tried to find which parts were the right fitting attachment. You had hardly paid attention as you looked back to the pile, tossing the screw aside with a huff before looking through the assortment that had just sat loose at the bottom of the bag. Not hearing anything coming up to you, your head shot up eyes sharp in alert as a heavy foot gently kicked at the foot dangling over the platform edge. 

It was severely unfair of Joel to stand there, the sun shining down on him in just the perfect way that lit his skin up with a glow, and reflected off of the scattered greys in his hair. Nothing even close to a proper winter jacket for how cold it had been getting sat on his person, a stark contrast to your similar one that barley kept you from shivering. At least Joel ran warm enough that it didn’t matter for him. 

One of his hands reached out, pulling a limb up towards him as he tossed it mindlessly in his hand. “Finally getting that storage closet cleared out?” 

Your face twisted slightly as you turned the screw in tight enough to strain your hand. “Yeah, some old recurves. Not in the best shape, but I figure they’ll do the job well enough.” Reaching to the side you came upon nothing, realizing Joel had the other limb. 

Reaching out for it, Joel pulled his arm back as your hand flailed to nothing. Your face fell flat, mouth pressed in a thin line as Joel’s eyes swam with amusement. Deciding to lean his legs against the concrete, he relented. Giving you the limb, and crossing his arms over his chest as he now watched your focused work. “You shoot with a bow often?” 

Shrugging, you noticed him reach over your lap to grab the second bows parts. “Somewhat. I was in an old shooting range for not too long. No guns let, obviously, but the inside shop still had a couple kinds of bows laying around. One of the guys in our group tried teaching me to use the crossbow, but it didn’t really work for me.” 

Starting to slid the string into place you noticed Joel was much faster at putting it together then you had been. “Their reload time’s the problem. If you’re just out hunting that’s one thing, but not exactly my first choice for close quarters.” 

Watching him work, it always pinged inside of you how easily Joel put together things. How seamlessly he would work like he didn’t even need to think about it. His hands large against the thin handle didn’t help the matter. “You think your aim’s still on par?” 

Diverting your eyes up to his face, once again you felt that distracting pull. His handsome features trained on you with a warmth that if you let yourself, could envelop you completely. “Probably a bit better. Didn’t really use guns back then and we didn’t stay there long. So I’m either pretty good,” 

“Or pretty shit.” A smirk falling on both of your faces as you rolled your eyes to the side, pulling the bag over to you to pull our the arrow bundles. Joel relieving you of the one on your lap, he held them up side by side, and looked back over to you with an inquisitive expression. By the time you looked back over, he was holding out the one he had put together. “That one feels a couple pounds lighter, it’ll be a better fit.” 

Jumping down suddenly, Joel found himself watching your side carefully. He knew at this point it was mostly healed over, the bloody torn open skin at the least. Enough time had passed, but Joel also had yet to see what remained. For the past two weeks Joel hadn’t seen you wear anything besides long sleeves more then once maybe. 

If he took if off you, it was only allowed in the dark. Otherwise, no one but you were allowed to look at it. He was starting to understand why you seared the one on your arm. A burn mark was easier to look at then what lay hidden underneath. It was easier for you to never have to see it. 

Now though? There was no chance in hell he was going to do the same to your side. He refused to harm you at all, let alone that badly. He also just couldn’t handle your reaction. Something like that would have you screaming in agony, and there was no part of Joel’s heart that would be able to handle that. 

Waving you to the side, he grabbed the longer bundle and had you follow him more out back. No one around but a few empty crates just strewn over the ground. Putting a hand out to stop you in your tracks, Joel walked over to a low hanging tree branch and hung one of the small lighter crates over the thick bark. 

Turning to you, it struck you as a challenge. His eyes glinting in question, and hiding his smile as he walked back when you started pulling off the tie keeping the arrows together. “Easy enough.” 

Gently placing the bow in his hands down, he walked up to your side head close to yours. “You remember your form?” Was he rumbling deep near your ear on purpose or was it just a demanding yearning in your heart that particular day? “Show me.” 

Turning to the side, Joel watched silently as you loaded up and aimed. A shaky breathe leaving your lips, and letting your hold go. Sure enough, you felt your shoulders sag as it just barley missed that tree entirely. He didn’t say anything, but you felt the embarrassment regardless. “Just a warm up is all.” 

Joel let you get as far as loading the arrow before starling you with hands on your waist. “Feet turned all the way to the side, just like that.” Guiding you to face almost entirely to the right with only your upper body twisted to look. 

His hands had you buzzing under all those layers. You swallowed down that feeling, but only made you aware of the beating in your heart. His hands never left you, just stepping in closer so his chest hovered close to your back. “Thumb away from the front.” 

It took you a moment to even hear what he said, so Joel showed for you. Grasping your fingers and pulling them into position away from the open air. “Right, uhm, yeah.” That was well spoken wasn’t it? 

Trailing along your arm Joel once again held both sides of your waist as you let another breathe out before trying again. This time it hit the tree, but too low and off to the side. Your jaw clenched, trying to hold back a growing upset. Two misses in a row, now you were just feeling embarrassed and stupid in front of Joel’s watchful gaze. 

This time the warm rumbling was right in your ear, Joel’s hands sliding down to hold tighter at your hips as he pressed his back into you. Feeling your body mould into his front without any thought, stammered silently trying to come up with an excuse. Joel however took a much more comforting approach. “Shhh, relax sweetheart. There are no stakes here, take your time it’s just me.” 

Looking down to the snow below your feet, you could see Joel’s own all but beside yours as if to keep you locked in place against him. Pulling back, Joel’s hands moved up to straighten your arm out. “It’s not a gun, remember? Arms straight, not locked.” 

Once again keeping his touch burning you as they slid back down to your hips. Your heart was beating harder, but you also felt Joel’s chest rising and falling in tandem with your own breathing. Maybe if it weren’t for the jacket, you could feel Joel’s doing the same. 

Taking your time to aim it up right, you felt his grip on your hips tighten before he muttered to you once more time. “C’mon baby.” 

Your heart jumping in your chest, you let go of the arrow on instinct, watching it slam into the crate with a crack as it jostled it somewhat in place. Joel pulled you into his chest close this time, purposely leaning into your neck to press a kiss there. You should feel elated, but you just shivered at his lips. 

“That’s my girl.” You tried to smother the little smile on your face but of course he saw it. You didn’t see his face full of pride, and his eyes trained entirely on you instead of accomplished target. 

“Impressed?” 

To you, it was just a joke. Not meaning much other then a tease of your lack of skill, but Joel always kept you on your toes. “With you? Always.” 

Hands sliding off of your body, one of them trailed along your lower back causing your eyes to flutter for just a second. His gentle touch still took getting used to. Watching him reach up with no effort to pull it down, he looked over to you as you yelled playfully. “How about you show me how it’s done this time, Miller?” 

Bringing out a tiny competitive streak in you was an aspect he had grown to love. Never in anything of value, but always competing with Joel for the smallest things. His eyes always eventually sliding over to something darker the further in you got. 

This time though, there was none. He just hit his target on each pull, leaving your mouth slightly parted and eyes bright with awe. His own form faced where you stood near a back wall. Brown eyes sharp, with his features turning harsh as he slipped into his focus. 

It wasn’t lost on Joel when he faced you again, the look you were giving him. A warmth flowing through your veins at how effortlessly skilled he was, continued to be at so many things at that. His mouth in what could be mistaken for a frown, you knew really held a concealed need. 

His body hovered over you, reaching around you to put his bow down as his fingers danced across your body as he pulled it back. Using them to nudge your chin up to look him in the eye, you felt your limbs itching at the need to explore over him. Your name mumbled from his lips he leaned in close, breathe hitting your cheek. “Do I get a consolation price, or do you want me to just pick it out for myself?” 

A laugh left you at how quickly he turned from a desire to grumpy. Your hands reached out to the top of his waistline, tapping across the belt buckle that you could feel under your fingertips caused his stomach to twitch at how close you moved your touch already. But then someone from around the front called your name. And Joel’s face fell to annoyance. 

Smiling genuinely at him, you reached up instead to lightly trace your thumb over his facial hair. The coarseness always scratching at your palm, riling your own insides up. “How about you think on it and let me know?” 

Pulling your chin close, Joel pressed a kiss to your lips. A surprising passion behind the force of his lips, his tongue just barley teasing you before he pressed a smaller chasate one to you. “You should get on back. I’ll handle all this.”

Your brows furrowed, your brain stirring at him cleaning up something that you made. “I can do it, it’s fine.” 

Ever the stubborn man, he just kissed your forehead before nudging you away from him to make you head out. “Go.” His voice deep and stern, you nodded before turning away and made your way back around to the platform. 

Telling yourself the whole time that you’ll get used to it. That the nerves flooding your bloodstream when he was that close, with his hands so greedily on your body would slow down eventually.

You weren’t the only one though, grappling with the very same problem. Joel was still accepting being given a chance for a life he never imagined he’d come close to having, or even wanting ever again. It forced him to stand back and reacquaint himself with emotions he’d assumed were long past what he’d get in this life. Feeling like a father again was a fight with his own trauma, but on the other side? Having you was just as much as an anomaly to him as he was to you. 

He genuinely couldn’t tell anyone the last time he had something anywhere near this. Even his realization of how he felt about you hit Joel with an intense force. Shutting himself off from that kind of feeling a long time ago. Giving up that care for closeness or intimacy just as he assumed he would never be a whole person again. So in a way, he was very much like you. Used to being alone. 

Joel knew however how different your approach to it was. You had always been out there. Traversing land that to everyone else, was a risking mission to navigate. But it was the only way you’ve known since it begun. He’s not even sure you’ve ever seen inside any zone. Preferring not to rely on strict and rigid dependency on one of those cities. But it also left you on the outside of so many people, most of the people Joel knew now. 

It was like a need that neither of you realized was missing. A person to lean on. Someone to understand the turmoil in your head and fit perfectly in the dark void of your heart that needed that support. Even if it took Joel this long to see it. To see that he wanted someone like that, well, not anyone if he was being honest. 

You stuck out to him from the start. That day he sat you sitting at a counter with a fierce gaze bracing yourself for whatever rough demeanor he walked in on may bring down on you. A burning thought in his mind that trailed back to you the longer he was around you until it led to now. Standing under the warm stream of water listening through the walls to your voice moving about the house, knowing your feet will eventually take you to here. 

His hands smoothing over his hair to let the water rush over his face. You didn’t bother calling out to him as you walked into the bedroom. The thin walls enough to let you hear one another, but Joel’s hands itched to have you in his reach. Debating on calling you to him first. It had been years since he even wanted a woman in his arms, but now it was as if his agitation only grew when you weren’t exactly there.

Your fingers tapped at the dresser, gaze locked on the light peeking through the bottom of the door with warm steam flowing out and enticing you in from the cold outside. You could just shut the door, or even walk away from this side of the house completely but your skin also begged you to at least rinse your face with a splash. 

It was foolish to assume maybe you could sneak in and out without Joels warm cadence pulling at your heart to join him. Creaking the door open quiet as possible, you stepped quietly in and shut it just as slow. It took about ten seconds to realize how stupid your assumption was. 

“We gotta work on how to be sneaky on top of your aim now?” Eyes closing, you braced your palms flat on the sink edges. Biting the inside of your cheek you wanted to resist getting caught in the trap. 

Grabbing a small cloth, you let the smallest bit of water run over part of it to not skyrocket the temperature for him. “You making fun of me for it now? I knew you were just showing off earlier.” He chuckled as you ran the rough fabric over your face, at least giving you some reprieve. “Pretty of you, Miller.” 

“Alright, I’ll give you that.” About to run the cloth over your cheek, your hands paused mid movement at what was inevitable. “How about you join me then? Let me make it up to you?” 

You suspect he heard the slight thud of your hand dropping down onto the sink, cloth laying partially in it was you avoided the shower curtain beside you and the mirror just above you. The soft inner workings of your heart warmed at just feeling him against you, but the other reckoned you weren’t going to convince him to do it in the dark. 

The lack of response went on too long, causing you to startle a tad at the sound of the curtain being pulled back just slightly. Handsome features beautifully on display as his hair was slicked back, flat against his head as opposed to the curling volume that always seemed to be perfect. Just the top of his chest was exposed as well, broad shoulder down to his strong, sculpted arm keeping the rest of him mostly covered with the curtain. 

You couldn’t help but smile, shaking your head as you looked back down. “Not much in the way of time.” Just as he opened his mouth, you turned your head back with a playful smirk and a finger pointing in his direction. “You and I both know you’re not going to just make it quick.” 

Sharing a quiet laugh together, he beamed at you with gentle eyes. Not just one with a want, but one that radiated more of a need. A softness that you knew both of you were itching deep in your bones to share. Looking at nothing around the room, you gracefully came up with a fair excuse to deny him. 

“I just- uhm...” That should do it. No more of a convincing argument that having none at all. 

Your arms had crossed around your stomach, shifting eyes sliding back to him as your name fell from his mouth. “Just for a little bit. Long enough at least to take care of you, just in here.” Joel was never pushy, but he wasn’t just thinking of taking care of you. You knew the brightness in his eyes were silently asking for you to let him just hold you. 

Fidgeting on the spot, you glanced down to where your arms covered your lower torso protectively, once again biting the inside of your cheek painfully as you exhaled shakily. “Hey,” Joel calling for you to look up once more, his brows a but more furrowed then before as his face sat more serious. “I’m not trying to beg here. Just because I’m asking doesn’t mean I’m going to force you even when you’re uncomfortable.” 

Teeth changing places to bit your lip harshly, before shaking your head. “No, I know. Just...” Once again glancing down to your torso you muttered, “Give me a minute, okay?” 

A deep hum vibrated in his chest, “Take your time, sweetheart.” 

Shower curtain closing, leaving you back in privacy. Taking everything else off was no thought. Folding everything into a neat pile off to the side, before it was just your shirt and underwear left. You caught your gaze in the mirror and turned cowardly. Flipping around you pulled off your bra from under the fabric, and sliding down your bottoms to join the rest. 

Colours flashed through your eyes as they squeezed shut, your throat forcing something choked up back down to the pit of your stomach. The blank wall in front of you did nothing to ease the anxiety, but you did it anyway. The shirt not even being given the care to add onto the stack. It landed in a light flop somewhere unknown as you swiveled to look at the curtain. 

From what you could tell, Joel stood near the shower head, so your slow pace aimed to the back where he had poked his head out. If you thought more about it you’d risk talking yourself out of it. So you gently pressed on, pulling the curtain back and stepping in. 

The sprays of water and steam were warmer then before, Joel no doubt turning up the temperature to what you preferred as he called ‘scolding’. 

Joel’s back was large and broad, sprinkles of water dripping down it as he kept his face turned from looking at you. Giving you the space to come to him. While your sigh was masked by the overpowering water, the colder touch of your hands smoothing over his back had Joel’s eyes flutter shut as his jaw clenched to keep from sighing out at the feeling. 

You needed a chance to feel comfortable around him like this, and the feeling of your gentle touch on his rougher skin tugging at his heart would only make you feel rushed to get a move on. So he stood, hands spinning the bar of soap in them instead. 

When you were a child, you had a blanket that was heavy and fuzzy. A soft weighted blanket that helped your troubled little brain to get to sleep easier. It’s feeling on your hands when you curled it into your front always brought you comfort. Tracing your fingers over Joel’s back felt just like that. 

He was the thing now that quieted that noise. And it wasn’t lost on you, that you were the same for him. Running down his sides, you hovered as they reached his waist. Taking a step forward, you rested the side of your head into his shoulder blade and pressed closer to him. 

Joel took the reigns from there. Grabbing your hands and pulling them around his middle, keeping his fingers as much with yours as he could, while he leaned his own head back. You rising your forehead up just enough to rest against each other. 

You’re heart beating enough for him to feel, but his warmth against your front lulling you a quieter state. Losing yourself in how he feels. A few minutes had passed before you unwrapped your hands, grasping the soap from him and pulling it back to you. 

Joel’s head started to turn, but you grabbed at his waist as a warning. He kept his head slightly turned to the side, but not enough to peek at you. “I’m supposed to be taking care of you.”

Lathering up the soap in so it foamed all over your hands, you smiled at what clearly was the sound of a pout in his tone. Resting the soap on an edge, you stood on your toes to reach his ear. “And whose taking care of you, Joel?” Not waiting for an answer, you pressed a kiss just below it and finally started to slide your hands over him. 

Every now and then you pulled back just enough to gather more soap, but you gently washed at his skin almost in a massage. Joel’s shoulders sagging as his arms braced themselves against the tiles. You leaned your chin over his shoulder, pressing another kiss to the untouched part of his jaw you could reach before gently pulling one arm closer to his front at a time. 

Joel’s eyes never looking away from your hands carefully moving over him, almost grasping his fingers just like before as you scrubbed them too. If you both didn’t feel so lost in the melancholy washing away to a serene quiet, one or both of you would have let a tease slip from the smirk on your faces as you knelt down close behind him. 

Neither of you though had that kind of energy in their veins at the moment. Joel keeping steady breaths as his eyes stayed shut, trying not to let whatever emotions bubbling up in his chest overwhelm him, where you were focused on letting the only touch he felt to be with gentle care. You could reach the front of his legs from here, treating the muscles from calf to thigh with the same massaging rub as you liked to do with his back. 

But you couldn’t reach his chest, and both of you knew that. The only way to do that for Joel was for him to face you. So once again, you hovered at his waist. “You don’t have to-” 

Instead, you kissed his jaw once more. Pressing your front against his back once more, “Turn around for me. Please.” 

You didn’t look at his face. Not yet ready to see where his eye line was looking at. Instead you focused on the task at hand. His chest broad and strong, but a softness as it goes along all the way down to his hips. You stared at his chest for a while, not even noticing the soft smile on your lips as you just traced your palms back up closer to his collarbones. 

Joel ran his hands over your hips, voice low in your ear. “You going to let me do what I called you in here, or what?” You nodded, not looking at him still but he pulled your chin up with his fingers, pressing a short kiss to you. “I’m gonna need the soap to do that, sweetheart.” 

He chuckled as you rolled your eyes, smacking the bar playfully into his open hand. Turning you by your shoulders. “Turn around for me.”

This time you had enough haze leave your head to let it slip this time. “What? No bend over to follow that up with?” 

Joel pinched your hip, muttering “Smartass,” into your ear. His own back kept the heavy stream out of your own face. Where he needed the hot water rushing over his face to drown out the loud yelling inside his head surrounding his heart with this intense feeling he didn’t want to scare you with. You needed to stay calm and open, just letting the steam clear your lungs to keep your breathing steady. 

His touch wasn’t as massaging, but thorough. Spending as much time as he could to run his hands over you as he washed you over. Joel’s hands though, were a bit more greedy. Taking the chance to grasp at your ass, a handful tight in each hand before rubbing around to your hips. 

Not turning you just yet, you felt him gather more soup and stepping so your back was pressed right up against his chest now. Both lathered up hands moving from yous shoulders to cupping your neck, pulling your head back onto his shoulder with it so he could kiss you. 

This time his lips matched his hands, greedy and teasing your mouth with his tongue while he gave the same treatment to your breasts as he did your ass. He smirked almost mischievously into your lips as he did so. 

His did though, stop his path just above where he knew made your heart pound. Your eyes straight forward now as you barley let any air move through you. Whatever your arm looked like when you had done it, your side looked worse. 

Jagged marks that you knew were once teeth had left scarring rips in the skin, and the ripples around it once cracked and bloody now sat flat but stark against your skin. The one on your arm didn’t bruise, but this had. Deep purples that had you sick to your stomach now shaded in yellows and greens as the stitches healed the wound shut for good. It still made you sick. 

But Joel, smooth his hand over it, first running back and forth before stopping, only letting his thumb do the smoothing over as your breathe hitched. His taller frame loomed over you enough to see the instant build up what could turn into tears at his touch. A large hand pulled you by the side of your head into him, pressing a kiss to your hair. Keeping you right there until he felt your body twirl its tense rigidness. 

Crouching down, he prompted you to turn to face him now. Removing his hand only to race his nose along the scars kissing whatever looked like it had been the most aggressively painful. You felt almost lightheaded, a choke rising in your chest. Giving you a kindness that you never thought would come to you for something that left you with nothing but pain and anger. Something no one had ever treated like it was just another part of your skin he wanted to adore. 

Your heart slowed, Joel pressing his forehead into the scar. Not even realizing, your hand naturally gravitated down, raking through his wet hair until you found a place to keep a gentle hold on. Nudging at it with his nose once more time, Joel looked up at you with his brown eyes shining. 

Your chest flamed and roared with turmoil, did you recognize this intensity in your heart? Was it a word that you were ready to share with the only person in your life who’d ever been told it by you, or was it all just too much in one time? Making your heart lurch in so many emotions. 

Either way you held a hand out to him. His large one encasing your smaller hand in his, the other braced on the scar without moving. Wrapping your arms around his neck only again threading your fingers through his hair, now soaking once again with water. “Thank you.” 

Little space was left between your bodies, leaving little room for Joel to find your eyes. “For what, sweet girl?” 

But you just smiled, shaking your head. “Just, for you.” 

It would be later on in the evening that Joel was inevitably called out. Food still on the table, you had stepped out onto the porch to go over a few things with Tommy who’d stopped by earlier. And who Joel had unceremoniously kicked out after having his own plate raided by his brother of all people. 

The front door was still open, but kept just enough for a small cool breeze inside, your voice muffled with Tommy’s when Joel casually looked over at Ellie. His own face fell flat at the pointed stare she was giving him. “Are you ever going to tell her, or do you want me to just do it for you?” 

Raising his eyebrows, he leaned his elbows onto the table with a squinting challenge on his face. “And what’s that exactly?” 

A childish grin grew on her face as he regretted goading her in the first place. “That you love her? That you’re deeply, madly, head over heels in love-” Her mock interrupted by a little yelp of protest as Joel pushed the side of her face away with a nudge of his palm. 

“Yeah, yeah got it. I regret asking.” Ellie wasn’t wrong, not in anyway was she wrong about that. But neither you or him were simple people. Your heads and lives filled with complexities not always easy to speak out loud. “It’s not...time.” 

Looking back at her, she huffed. Pushing food around on her plate to distract herself from the fact that she wasn’t going to keep eating until you got back. “Is it ever going to be time?” Her face wasn’t as playful as before. That yearning to all be together wasn’t carved deep into Joel’s soul alone. 

Joel pulled her as much as he could from their seats into his side. Pressing a kiss to the side of her head, the same heavy weight in his chest as the one in her. “When she’s ready.” 

The two of the had more to say, but Ellie scrambled to look as casual as possible when the shut of the front door echoed. Knowing nothing about what they talked about, you stopped in the middle of the door frame eyes narrowing at how guilty she looked. 

Joel smiled though, shaking his head to dismiss it as nothing more then goofing around. If he kept going at this rate, you’re relationships going to come full circle. Tommy or Maria spilling the beans to you for just how in love with you he was. If he wasn’t so determined to go at your own pace, he may have just given up and let them. 

Night fall blanketed fast over the sky, and the rest of the sailed by in peace. A feeling that tomorrow would be laughing at all too soon. 

You had agreed to join Joel and Tommy in the early hours the next morning. A stark chill in the air still cold enough to see your breath in, and a crispness that could sting if you were out in it too long. You were on your own, checking out some other areas while the two of them looked over the existing areas of interest. 

It was the footprints that caught your eye. Footprints in a secluded area that you know any of the people here didn’t hang around in. It looked like multiple at first but as you knelt down it was clearly one set that had been in this area for a while. No tracks led up to it, so they must have arrived either in the dead of night or just before dawn when the fresh snow fell down. 

All of them faced in the direction of town, all of them looking in the general vicinity of visible houses that you knew included Joel and Ellie’s. Your hand that had been keeping the gun strap your arm steady tightened. Your eyes scanning around you as you slowly stood up. 

Luckily for you, not enough snow had fallen yet to hide the prints so obviously trying to look conspicuous. Head towards where you knew Joel and Tommy had been in when you separated from them. If they were hiding out here, chances were they were sneaking on the outskirts for as long as possible. 

Can’t hide from someone who used to do the same thing. You traveled alone for a long time, something that required you to be watchful and stealthy. Following the weasel to their current position wouldn’t take too much effort in this weather. It was what you’d find that was the unknown. 

It was the same building that you first sat in where Joel and Tommy stopped by. The heater worked best in there, and they typically went over things inside there before the day filled up with people. “I’m gonna heat it up before you forget too.” Lucky for Joel, Ellie was more insistent about staying warm then he was. 

By the time he and Tommy arrived, Ellie was already toasty and sitting along a counter waiting to be let in on their talks. She didn’t do much for now, but Joel preferred to have her with them and listen or watch. Let her watch and she’ll give a hand when she’s ready. 

Ellie looked behind them as they walked in with a furrow in her brow, asking your name. 

Shrugging off his own weapons he laid them on the counter space beside her. “Went to go look for anything that might have shown up overnight. I’ll go look for her if she doesn’t show up soon.” He walked over to where Tommy laid out some simple blueprints for the outer security, palm resting flat on the table with the other on his hip as they made scribbles on the already marked up paper. 

Ellie narrowed her eyes at the rifles next to her and hopped down. Grabbing both she occupied herself with hanging them by their straps onto a safe part of the wall close to the back room hall. What she didn’t notice, was the click of a window lock at the end of the clearly empty hallway. 

Nothing was over there and she didn’t think anything else. Just walked back to the main room, arms crossed to hide her hands deeper into her sweater and leaned against the wall reading the spread out work on the table diligently. 

Part of Joel had to tell himself to focus more. Despite the sun barley peeking up when he woke up, it was still too late in the morning to do anything about how addictive it felt to wake up inside you. He really didn’t mean to fall asleep the entire night like that, but there was something that pinged deep in his heart to have you that close to him at both of your most venerable. 

You both had to get up and head out though, only enough time to tease you when he pulled his half hard cock from your somehow still wet pussy and leaving a few bites at your neck to pull a gasp of his name out of you before separating entirely to get dressed. He teased himself though, because now all he wanted was to find a time during the day to pull you home and throw you onto the bed like he really wanted too. 

He just wasn’t as focused as he should have been. Tommy was doing most of the talking, better at forming a plan in his head when he voiced it to his brother and so him noticing was less then likely. 

No one was even faced the right direction to see the down the hallway. It was closer to the front door then the table they stood around, so no one saw the gentle slide of the same window that clicked unlocked earlier. A single gloved hand raising it up as slow as possible to keep the sound down and moving just as slow as the figure raised up to bent over it. 

First one leg went though to straddle the frame, hovering over the floor to make sure the sound of their shoe stepping down wasn’t heard. Just as slow they ducked their head and torso inside and climbed in, not bothering to stay low as their final leg joined in. 

Their body only turned to the side enough to reach the window, and slid it down shut even more at a snails pace then to open it. Their head never turned to look at what their hands were doing. They were watching and no chance were those eyes going to go anywhere but the target. 

Joel was tied between the talks he and Tommy were discussing, and wondering how long it’d take for you to get there. Having you move in might have been a bad idea, because now Joel had the biggest excuse to be weak. Something deep in his mind wanted to just be selfish and drag you back to your bed together and keep you there because now it didn’t matter how long you he kept you there. 

His fingers scratched at the wood on the table as his eyes looked over the paper mapping out what path he’d walk to try and catch up to you. You were quiet and inquisitive, if something caught your eye you had a tendency to let it occupy your focus and forget to update anyone. It was cold this morning, and it was early and part of Joel was just feeling greedy to keep you with him today. 

No one noticed. The front of the door was lined with a map and a strip of carpet that followed the length of the counter before tapering off into the wooden floors of the main room. Any movement was quiet if the person didn’t move so quickly or suddenly. 

Facing away, the backs of Joel and Tommy were the only main vision in sight of the figure, but crouched onto the ground to keep from being clear and in sight put Ellie somewhat in their eye line. She was smaller though, astute eyes currently trained on the two men she looked up too. Without knowing anything about her, it could be assumed she was too weak or cowardly to even do anything if she looked this way. 

Joel only just so happened to glance up, asking Ellie a question. “We’ll head over there later and I can show you how to set that up, okay?” His voice was soft and genuine, but his eyebrows raised along with a darkening of his eyes at her sudden distracted face. 

Ellie was good at paying attention and her current distraction was wide eyed. Bordered on a shocked surprise and not in a good way. It was a way that had Joel’s heart lurch in his chest, and Tommy seemed to see and feel it at the same time. 

Joel and Tommy didn’t turn around right away, it felt like as they did it was in slow motion. It wasn’t even the split second they saw Ellie’s expression that caused it, it was the echo in the empty room that clicked loudly. Distinctly. 

Ellie’s hand shot out and grasped the fabric of Joel’s arm like a crutch as both men turned to the noise behind them. But it wasn’t the approaching footsteps finally reaching the wooden floor that was what they heard. 

The three of them looked to the front of the room at the unmistakable sound of a cocking shotgun, one set ready to fire at any time. Whipping around though, the figure on the ground didn’t do it. The figure on the ground wasn’t even a face they knew. 

A man stooped crouched onto the ground, with both hands just barley risen into the air in defense, never having a chance to grab at whatever he had stored in his pockets. Behind the unknown man was the source of the loading shotgun. 

Not a foot behind him, you stood with the weapon steady in your arms aimed at the back of the figure’s head. Your eyes steeled in an unblinking harshness Joel had rarely seen on you. 

The man didn’t dare move, but in a tone just above a whisper, threw out a plea. 

“I’m just here to talk..” 

If you and Joel had one thing that refused to get in the way of how you felt about each other? It was that no matter what was about to happen you and Joel knew that whatever the consequences would be? You and him were in it together no matter what. The deep yearning in Joel’s heart to tell you the true extend of the love he could barley keep hidden from you anymore would have to wait, or at least find a way to show you despite whatever was about to come of this.

You didn’t blink, nor did your readiness to fire change. The man’s eyes widened in what looked like fear as he heard your voice cut through sharply into the silence. No joke or lightness in your voice, and the familiarity of it had the already caught the man in a trap of what he had walked in on. His face showing to all three of them that he was doused in the freezing water of shock and fear, at the realization who was at the other end of the shotgun.

You only had one response for the unknown man.

“Is talking really all you’re here for, Owen?” 

[inkspiredwriting]

Echoes of Tomorrow

Five Hargreeves x Fem!reader

Warnings: angst, sad

The once vibrant and bustling home of the Hargreeves family now lay in ruins, a desolate wasteland of charred wood and twisted metal. Smoke still curled from the remains of the house, a haunting reminder of the catastrophe that had torn through their lives. Y/n Hargreeves stood at the edge of the devastation, her heart a hollow ache in her chest as she surveyed the wreckage.

Her eyes scanned the debris, searching for any sign of the life they had built together. Each step she took sent ash and rubble shifting beneath her feet, the acrid scent of smoke and destruction burning in her throat. She felt numb, the shock of the loss still too raw, too overwhelming to fully comprehend.

Her home, their sanctuary, was gone. The memories, the laughter, the love that had filled these walls—all reduced to ash and ruin. And Five… Five was gone too. The thought was like a knife twisting in her heart, a pain so deep it left her gasping for breath.

Y/n’s hands trembled as she sifted through the remnants, searching for something—anything—that had survived the inferno. She found a few scorched photographs, the edges curled and blackened, the faces barely recognizable through the soot and grime. A broken piece of a picture frame, a melted clock. Ghosts of the life they had once known.

It was then that she saw it, half-buried beneath a pile of debris—a charred, leather-bound book, its cover cracked and blackened by the flames. She reached out with shaking hands, carefully lifting it from the wreckage. Her heart pounded in her chest as she opened it, the brittle pages crumbling slightly at the edges.

It was a diary. Five’s diary.

The words were faded, the ink smeared and blurred by water and heat, but she could still make out the handwriting—Five’s meticulous, looping script. Her fingers traced the letters, her eyes filling with tears as she realized what she was holding.

May 4th, 2023

Today, Y/n and I talked about our future. It’s strange, thinking about a future when I’ve spent so much of my life jumping through time, never staying in one place for long. But with her… I can see it. A home, a family. I’ve never felt this way before. I want to build something real with her.

June 17th, 2023

We talked about kids today. Y/n laughed and said she couldn’t imagine me as a father, but I could see the hope in her eyes. I told her I’d try my best, that I’d be there for her and our children, no matter what. She smiled, and for a moment, I could almost see it—little feet running through our house, laughter filling the air. It’s a future I never thought I’d want, but now… it’s all I can think about.

August 9th, 2023

We found the perfect house today. It’s small, but cozy. Y/n loves the garden, says she can picture us growing old together there. I told her it doesn’t matter where we live, as long as we’re together. She kissed me and said she felt the same. I want to make this place our home, fill it with memories, with love. I want to give her the life she deserves.

October 12th, 2023

Today was perfect. We spent the day planning our future, dreaming about the life we’re going to build together. I’ve never been more certain of anything in my life. I love her more than I ever thought possible. I’m going to marry her, start a family with her. We’re going to be happy. I just know it.

Y/n’s tears fell onto the pages, smearing the ink even further, but she couldn’t stop reading. Each entry was like a dagger to her heart, a reminder of the dreams they had shared, the future they had planned. She could hear his voice in every word, feel his love in every sentence.

She clutched the diary to her chest, her body shaking with sobs. The weight of the loss crashed over her, the pain of knowing that the life they had dreamed of was now just ashes and memories. She had lost everything—their home, their future, and the man she loved more than anything in the world.

Y/n sat amidst the ruins, the diary cradled in her lap, her eyes staring blankly at the devastation around her. The sun was setting, casting a golden glow over the wreckage, the sky ablaze with the colors of dusk. It was a cruel reminder that life went on, even in the face of unimaginable loss.

She thought of Five, of the dreams they had shared, the love they had built. She could almost feel him beside her, his hand in hers, his voice whispering words of comfort and hope. But he was gone, and she was left alone in a world that felt empty and cold without him.

“I miss you,” she whispered, her voice breaking. “I love you so much, Five. I don’t know how to do this without you.”

The wind picked up, rustling through the debris, carrying with it the faint scent of smoke and ash. Y/n closed her eyes, imagining that it was Five’s hand brushing against her cheek, his voice in her ear.

She knew that she would have to go on, that she would have to find a way to rebuild her life. But in that moment, surrounded by the ruins of their home and the echoes of their dreams, all she could do was mourn the future they had lost.

As the first stars appeared in the twilight sky, Y/n stood slowly, clutching the charred diary to her chest. She took one last look at the ruins of their home, the place where they had dreamed of building their future together.

“I’ll carry your dreams with me,” she whispered, her voice filled with determination and love. “I’ll keep them alive, for both of us.”

With that promise in her heart, she turned and walked away from the ruins, her steps slow and heavy, but resolute. She knew that the road ahead would be long and hard, but she would face it with the strength of the love they had shared and the dreams they had built together.

And as she walked, the stars above shone brighter, their light a beacon of hope in the darkness, guiding her towards a future where the echoes of their love would always be with her.

[strniohoeee]

Ardor

Pairing: Chris Sturniolo X Female Reader💌

Synopsis: Chris feels like Y/N deserves more. And what better way to show this than to take her to her favorite place.🌻

Warnings⚠️: None at all. This shit is just soooo CUTEEEE😭

Song for the imagine: Nothing Even Matters-Lauryn Hill (feat. D’Angelo)

Ardor

Noun

Enthusiasm or passion

Lately Chris and his brothers have been super busy between creating content and touring, that I hadn’t really had a chance to spend time with my boyfriend. Even though the tour ended, and they were back in LA they immediately started filming for their channel.

Personally I didn’t mind this, yes I missed my boyfriend, but this was his job. He always still made time to text me, call me, send me flowers, take me on a few dates.

However this was bothering Chris as he felt like he hasn’t really been able to sit and spend time with me. No matter how many times I told him I didn’t care he still protested against it.

“Y/N no! I feel like I haven’t been here for you, and we haven’t really spent a good amount of time together” Chris would say as we sat on the couch with his arm slung over my shoulder

“Baby, we’re spending time together right now” I told him

“Yes, but also no. I want to be with you, and only you and just spend every second glued at the hip. I want to stare into your eyes and watch the stars, all that romantic movie shit” he told me kissing me on the forehead

“Chris you hate that corny shit” I said laughing

“I’m a changed man mama” he said laughing

“We should take a trip one of these days. Just go to another state and get away” I told him

“Yeah let’s say fuck it and go to like Vermont or some shit” he said back to me

“Oh my god Vermont is so pretty during this time of the year. With all the orange and yellow leaves” I said getting excited

That was two weeks ago, and within a day Chris was getting everything booked. The flight, the Airbnb, the activities. All while I had no idea. Chris had surprised me one day telling me where we were going.

And that brings it to now. We had just got to a small little house in Vermont surrounded by the beauty of the woods and the orange and yellow leaves falling to the ground.

“Baby this is the best thing you have ever done” I told him as we settled into the house

“Anything for my pretty lady” he told me coming over and grabbing me by the waist, pulling me in for a kiss

“Chris I love you so much” I told him kissing him back

“I love you way more pretty girl” he said kissing me on the forehead

We had got to Vermont at 2, and by the time we settled in we decided we wanted to walk to the nearest town and find something to eat.

There was a small town within a 10 minute walk. Chris and I headed out, and as we got into the town we truly enjoyed how tight knight the community was.

“Man I could live here forever” I said looking at every store we passed

“Could you really?” He asked looking over at me

“100%, it’s so small and pretty, and quiet” I told him

“Maybe we could make that happen in the future” he said kissing my hand that he was holding

We had stopped at a small mom and pop restaurant. We sat, and decided to look at the menu.

“Ouu everything looks good” Chris said

“Chris you’re such a picky eater you better ask for chicken tenders and fries” I told him laughing

“Hey! Not nice, but also not wrong” he said laughing

We were interrupted by the waitress

“Hi guys! How are you my names Ari, and I’ll be your server for today” she said smiling at us

“Could I get you started with drinks?” She asked us

“May I have a Dr. Pepper?” I asked her smiling up at her

“And may I have a pepsi” Chris asked, and I laughed. Him and his Pepsi addiction

After we got our drinks we ordered. And the whole time we were laughing at each other, and he was reminiscing about the tour, and how much he loved meeting his fans.

A little while later the waitress came back with our check

“I’ve never seen you guys around here” she said handing the check to Chris who had his hand out

“Oh we’re visiting!” I told her looking up at her

“Ahhh I see! Thats nice. Are you guys on a honeymoon” she asked

“Oh uh-“ but I was cut off by Chris

“Yeah something like that” he said handing her the check back with cash

“Oh that’s so nice! You guys should check out the little cafe across from here! They sell the best homemade cookie dough!” She said

“Thank you! We will” Chris said, “oh and keep the change” he told her

She thanked him and walked away. We walked over to the cafe and purchased some cookie dough, and decided to walk back hand in hand.

“I can’t thank you enough for doing this for me” I said looking over at Chris

“I’m glad you’re loving it pretty mama” he said kissing me on my temple

We had got back to the house, and decided to make some cookies

“CHRIS THATS TOO BIG” I yelled as he rolled a ginormous ball of a cookie

“HA! That’s what she said” he said pointing his finger at me

“Chris…you’re such a child” I told him snatching the huge cookie ball out of his hand and breaking it into smaller pieces

“But you love it” he responded looking over at me

“I really do” I said smirking at him

I put the cookies in the oven, and set a 12 minute timer

“Babe! They have a glass lanai” Chris said running back into the kitchen

“They do???” I said excited

“We have to eat our cookies out there” he said, and I agreed

After the cookies were done I took them out and put them on a plate, and we walked out to the lanai

“Holy shit this is beautiful” I said placing the plate down on the coffee table

“Isnt it” he said looking at me

“I’m a whore for glass lanais” I told him sitting down on the couch

“Interesting choice of words, but yes” he said laughing and also sitting down next to me

He grabbed two cookies, and then sat back, wrapping his arm over my shoulder, and pulling me in towards him

“Here you go my love” he said giving me a cookie

“Thank you” I responded taking the cookie from him and biting into it

“I would’ve never thought I’d be sitting here eating cookies with you, and madly in love” he said eating his cookie

“I would’ve never thought either. You were such a player” I said looking at him to see his reaction

“What?” He said with his jaw dropped

“God we used to hate each other so much” I told him finishing my cookie

“We really did. Never understood why. When you’re the best thing to have ever happened to me” he said also finishing his cookie

“I guess I was scared of falling for the “bad” guy” i told him

“And I was so scared of commitment” he told me

“Isn’t it strange? How people can change from strangers to friends, and then friends into lovers” I asked him

“It truly is, and I’m so glad we did. I love you so fucking much. Like I get emotional and shit” he said pretending to wipe a tear

“Chris, I love you so much. I have no idea what I’d do without you” I told him kissing his cheek

“I think I’d die without you” he said looking at me

“I think I’d die too” I said going in to kiss him

When we pulled away we stared into each others eyes just truly enjoying each others company

I leaned my head back and looked up at the night sky

“Look babe, the stars are shining so bright tonight” I told Chris while pointing at the sky

“Fuck this is so beautiful” he said looking up at the sky with me

“You got your wish. To watch the night sky with me” I told him

“And look how bright they’re shining for you” he said back

“I never want to leave this feeling” I responded back to him

“Me neither” he said

“Chris, I love you so much. This is a love I’ve never felt for anyone. My heart just bursts anytime I look at you, and when I’m with you all my problems are just a mere afterthought” I said to him still looking up at the night sky

“Y/N when I’m with you I never want to leave the moment. I want to hold on to you forever and always. I was so scared of loving someone because I felt I couldn’t get that love back, but you….you showed me new ways to be loved every single day” he said also still looking at the sky

“Out of my mind in love with you” I said back

“I hope in every lifetime you choose me” Chris said back

“Always Chris. I will always choose you” I said snuggling tighter to him

“Good because I will always choose you” he said kissing my head

“It was always you, and it will always be you” I said back to him

Chris let a tear slip out of his eye. Overwhelmed by the immense love he feels for Y/N, and that he’ll always have her no matter what. Chris loved Y/N with every fiber in his body, but most importantly Y/N loved Chris.

The End

I know this is pretty short, but I don’t like to drag out cute stories, but also Idk wtf to say, but I hope you enjoyed❤️

-J💅🏽

[thesamoanqueen]

Blackwater XVI

Raiting: 18+

Warnings: drama cause this story would be nothing without it

A/N: first chapter of the year and we're getting close to the end, so I've left a few little hints here and there

A couple of years ago him and Jey had bought a house by pooling their savings. It was one of those semi-detached houses sell for a few bucks, with few rooms and zero comforts, covered in faded wood slats, paper-thin walls and a single walled backyard without green. For them it had been a victory, they had a party too, one of those goals that their parents had dreamed of achieving for years when they were in their place. Jey had already started a family, Roman was trying to do the same with different results, but he had thought to be happy at that time. Struggling night and day to fill the fridge, he sold himself to the highest bidder, aiming to move forward at any cost, with his head down, without asking questions, open ears, so they had taught him and his cousin did the same. When they weren't working outside the city, they sat in the backyard together, on too small chairs ruined by the sun, telling how it was going and how long it took to reach the top.

They had carried on like dogs, for years, until Roman had realized that the pats on the head he kept down weren't enough to fill a wolf. Their paths had not always been side by side beyond the backyard of that house, life had pushed him with other challenges, other trials, disappointments, pain, lessons. What had happened next, what had led them to bite each other's throats and then be together and separate again, had been the result of all of that.

That warmth in the bottom of his stomach Roman had felt it again, months and months before, the illusion of being happy with little things in another backyard - his - in another house - his - and just as it had happened then, it was gone. He was not meant to live like that.

We eat first. It's all ours. The beginning and the end.

Sitting at the head of the table, with Y/N beside him finishing her breakfast, he stared at the plates still full, enough to feed an entire family, at the padded chairs just waiting to be occupied by someone of their blood, the well-kept backyard where not a single blade of grass grew out of place.

- How you feelin- sitting to his left, the wiseman asked in an attempt at conversation, but it was enough for Roman to put down the coffee he was holding in his hand to silence him.

He was fine, he had recovered his strength, there was nothing wrong. It had been enough sleep next to his mate to restore order in his life and home, to regain full control. He had lost yes, but it hadn't depended on him, it hadn't been a weakness of his and whoever was no longer sitting at his table was a loss he could afford. He had everything needed and more, he was still the undisputed alpha. The attack he had suffered had not left a scratch on him and would have been forgotten. He still had everything he needed to avoid falling back into that misery.

Y/N on his right, took a sip of her smoothie, her sharp eyes focused on Heyman who was already arranging his tie to give himself a tone.

- While you were taking your well-deserved break, my tribal chief, I figured you still wanted to know how business is going and I checked on our members personally for you. A couple of them had heard some silly rumours, some really bad ideas that sleep or a heart attack should have taken out of their heads if you ask me – bad ideas, rumours, opinions, just hearing those words was ruining his breakfast.

Impatient, he dropped the fork onto his plate of eggs and the wise man fell silent for a second, his eyes scanning him as the smell of anxiety increased.

- I made it clear... that they cannot change partners if they don't want to pay for the exit, as per the initial stable agreements. Someone has persisted in starting some… incorrect practices, they are finding allies, but we can appeal, extort what is owed. They're playing a game beyond their capabilities, they don't know how it works – he tried again, making his lip twitch.

Allies, partners, power games. He knew his opponents, men who pretended to be alphas and who he had kicked one after the other, exposing them for the nobodies they were. Now they were running their mouths, they plotted, raising their heads again and showing their dog teeth trying to scare him. He knew what they had in mind, he knew who would try to step forward and who was working to ruin what he had built to take his place or presume justice. The previous night had been a gift for them, the moment they had been waiting for to step forward.

- And even though the border has been temporarily moved a little further south, I have already made it clear that we officially have the right to-

My packland.

- How far south? – he stopped him, his attention suddenly high and focused on him.

He heard the wiseman swallow, trying to take time now that it was too late to take back his words, his eyes fixed on his figure like a prey that feels is being hunted. A moment of silence and then the voice that came out already in pain.

- The border state – he admitted with a grimace and Roman couldn't help the tic that made his head bob – we-we can negotiate though, I'll point out that there has been some interference and that it's clearly not done, they won't take real calls if-

Cutting out whatever the wiseman was raving about, he clenched his fists until his knuckles turned white, his lip curling in annoyance, a growl in his throat growing menacing.

Our home. They are close.

He still had his land, the one he had conquered, but the stain with which they had soiled him was spreading, threatening even what he could not afford to lose. He could do without some north land that he wouldn't have taken advantage of in any case, remote areas that he had never visited, that had never interested him. It was a loss he shouldn't have suffered, but he could bear it. What he couldn't tolerate was everything else, because the state border was south, too south for his liking and there were only two people, out of all the dogs that would be around his neck, who deserved to be blamed for that public execution.

- My cousins. Where are them? – he asked in a low growl and felt Y/N's eyes immediately on him, in silence.

- My Tribal chief -

- I asked you where are em, answer me – he snapped and so did her hand, invisible, under the table, resting on his thigh as if wanting to keep him anchored to the ground, blocked from smashing everything and exploding.

Heyman swallowed heavily, his attention now for a second on Y/N as if looking for an ally and Roman physically felt his eyes on her, immediately lifting his head to glare at him and make him press against the chair in a futile attempt to escape his fury.

- They came back with us yesterday morning, someone saw them on secondary roads to the west. I don't know where they are now, I've tried to contact them several times, still no answer... I'm sorry... - he said and Roman smelled what he too had felt in the bottom of his stomach the entire night, turning over in Y/N's arms: grief.

They had hit him from behind once more, using informations he had given them with trust, to get around him and go around his territory undisturbed. They knew everything, they had access to everything, there were only a few things that Roman had cut them off from in those years of success, the rest had always been there, served on a silver platter at their disposal. In the last period he had closed some doors, not given too many privileges, but there was no inch of that land where they had not spoken for him at least once or acted in his name. They could do anything, go where no other enemy could without attracting attention and this put him on the defensive more than he could tolerate. They were a danger on the loose and Roman couldn't allow them to keep doing what they wanted, how and when they wanted if he didn't want to find himself in an even worse situation than now.

They're our shadows.

He wasn't dumb to hope to physically block them from doing more or wandering around, he had once again shared the backyard and his land had been their home for too long, but he could find a way to remind them who owned the empire on which them and their families walked.

- Stop looking for them – he ordered seriously, his hand tightened around Y/N's now.

- My Tribal chief? – the wiseman whispered uncertainly, his expression at least as confused as Y/N’s.

His wiseman was right, anyone who tried to go against him made the same mistake: they were playing a game beyond their capabilities. For Roman it had never been just a game, everything for him had always been personal, inevitable, necessary. Those two, Jey especially as his right-hand man – and brother – knew everything about him, but he also knew everything about them and it wasn't what they knew about each other that would make the difference in the war they had threatened to wage against him. It was how they would use it and he had always been better at hitting to make his mark.

- Cut them out. From everything. All of em. The Bloodline is no longer their business – he announced without regrets, intending to finish his breakfast in peace.

They had decided to stab him and leave him after his attempt to fix the mess they had made. Now they would have to deal with it on their own, them and their families, filling the empty tables and starting to pay again for the air they breathed, everyone, from first to last without exception.

Starve them.

***

Y/N had seen him arrive from afar after hours, with his hands hidden in his pockets and that typical heavy gait. She had had the impression of watching a kid coming back home after a bad day and had stayed on the threshold of the entrance, waiting for him. Solo was not a kid, Roman and Paul called him the enforcer for good reasons, but the omega part of her, empathetic and protective, that sometimes couldn't stay in its place, had taken control of her that time. By tenaciously refusing, she ended up occupying that role within the new family, as if it had always been hers, as if she had always had it in her blood. She wasn't so sure if there was still a family anymore, but whatever shape it had now or how many people it was made up of, Y/N couldn't move from the entrance.

Solo opened and closed the door in silence, his head low, eyes resting on her only for a moment to acknowledge she was there, before walking straight on, slouching with his shoulders down. His round face, usually threatening, was swollen and his forehead marked by the thoughts that crowded his mind.

- Solo – she called him and even if he gave no sign of having heard, Y/N knew that it wasn't like that – it wasn't necessary for you to come – she pointed out, trying to say more, to make him understand and his voice came out quick, refusing.

-It's up to me – he announced seriously, heavy, time necessary to allow Roman to call him from outside after smelling him.

Y/N saw him staying there just for a minute before disappearing outside without further explanation and joining the empty table where Roman insisted on planning in Paul's company. From afar, she observed them together, in that new strange rigid balance and let herself breathe heavily.

Roman was ready to move on and Y/N knew that he would do everything in his power – and it was a lot – to regain control, but she wasn't so sure that that kind of approach was right. After what had happened to her as a child, she too had left everything behind able to move forward, until he made her understand that no matter what she thought, something would always be missing without a family with her.

That thought made her suddenly turn to go upstairs and try to do something, even if Roman didn't want to, even if he made her promise to let it go. She had avoided talking to Naomi after those messages, but it was time to do so, because she was perhaps the only one who in some way could understand and maybe help her. She could make Roman reason, she had already done it once, but if she needed to do it one more time she would have needed something more on her pocket and having someone willing to help ease the tension on the other side would have been useful. When she finally called her, she waited a couple of minute, but the chaos that reached her after waiting left no doubt. She knew that chaos.

- Y/N! How you doing? Ya good? – she asked immediately and as soon as she did so there was silence.

Her voice was a little too loud, a sign that she was probably joining that chaos before, but the apprehension inside made her realize that she wasn't the only one in that state of mind.

- I've had better days, it doesn't matter, im good.

- I'm sorry Y/N… believe me, im so sorry – she heard her admit too seriously and Y/N nodded even though she couldn't see it.

Naomi was the friend and sister she never had growing up, as were the twins. The bond they had made was a kind of connection that Y/N had discovered without looking for it, it had been natural, simple and now she had the impression of feeling it tremble for a stupid piece of land that had no value for her.

- I know, but it will be better when things calm down. That's why I called Nao - she said, hoping to hear from the other side the same intentions she had.

Naomi didn't answer, not right away, at least not to her, because Y/N clearly heard someone else making noise and her moving to silence him, before talking in a completely different tone.

- Listen... the boys want me to talk you, they say I have to make you reason about things before it's too late, explain to you how things are rightnow... - Did they want to make her reason about things? – I won't do it though, it's not on me. I just want you to know that even though it may seem that way there, it doesn't have to be like this, you don't have to end up in the middle. You don't deserve this, not after what you've already been through.

She hadn't expected to hear that when she decided to call Nao. They wanted to make her reason? What did they mean by not wanting her to end up in the middle with everything?! They were all in the middle, it was a family business, they had told her to the point of exhaustion what they were, for months, when she was still struggling to get used to Roman and now they wanted to keep her out? She was the only one who would listen to them, the only one who would defend them despite what had happened, but suddenly they kept their guard up, they didn't even try to explain to her why they acted the way they did and Naomi refused too. Did they just want her out or what?

- And what im suppose to do? Should I sit back and watch how will it end? – she asked in disbelief, confusion slowly turning into tension along her spine.

How could they have thought of suggesting something like that to her?

- It's this reaction that I worry about. None of us are asking you to choose and act, I'm just saying that we don't want this kind of pressure on you. Me, Jimmy and Jey, Im sure that no matter what, Roman also doesn't want to put you in such a bad position.

A noise, loud, like a sarcastic laugh, from the other side reached her despite everything and Y/N imperceptibly tightened her grip on her phone, trying to ignore that just mentioning him was enough to provoke them.

- A good way would be to resolve and make things the way they were, for everyone. It's not late if the guys- she tried, but Naomi stopped her before she could even try.

- We all hoped it would go differently Y/N. We all wanted things to change. It didn't happen and I'm not going to start talking about what has to be done or what will happen like Jimmy wants too, sorry, that's out of the question, I'm worrying about you and that you're there alone with him hearing all those stories.

Mate!

- What? – she snapped, her gaze suddenly directed at the wall as if she was in front of her.

Her she-wolf reacted even before her head, high attention, tense body.

Naomi wasn't the kind of person who ran her mouth about anything, she always said what she meant and what she was saying at that moment Y/N didn't like it at all. She herself had told Y/N almost a year earlier that she had to see beyond, that she had to give Roman an opportunity and she had seen beyond, she had tried hard and was doing so even at that moment. She was trying hard to understand and sort things out for everyone despite everything, but as things were at that moment, it seemed like she was really the only one who wanted it and she wasn't willing to hear unhappy hypotheses about what she was being told when just the day before she was kneeling to wipe blood from her mate’s body.

- I just want to make sure you're okay and you don't get any bad ideas, I love you – she listened to her add after a few moments, as if she had given her time to cool down knowing and Y/N closed her eyes, inhaling deeply.

She believed in Naomi's good intentions, however she didn't want to upset her, they didn't want her to end up in the middle, but it was her who put Roman back on his feet after they had knocked him down, her who listened to him struggle to fall asleep with his arms almost crushing her, her who tried to keep them together despite their hard heads refused.

- I love you too, but I'm good like this. I’ll be okay. Thanks for checking on me. Give a kiss to the guys.

She hung up before hearing her answer, putting the phone away with the real intention of not using it again for who knows how long. With her head resting against the wall, hands frozen and an unpleasant shiver down her spine, she realized that it was becoming too much, too quickly and her eyes instinctively shot towards the walk-in closet where, lost in a corner, she had hidden the suitcase she had arrived with there in Florida. Roman hated seeing it and would have hated it twice as much if he had known she still had the suppressants inside, but she needed to be clear-headed, now more than ever.

***

Someone else in his place would have stayed in their own home, safe, away from prying eyes and the dangers that rumors can create. In other circumstances he would have done it too, because now he had a very valid reason to stay within the walls of his house. It had no longer attracted him for a while to be always on the road, to grace people's gazes, the desire, envy, admiration that he read in their faces, he had distanced himself more and more. Their attentions didn't even interest him, he didn’t care, but he needed them, because once he had them they would reach the right ears and it was necessary for others to know that he was on his feet, back in strength after just a day. They had hit him, but not knocked him down and him leaving his personal reserve must have been a statement, together with the agreement he had planned that afternoon, for the future of his legacy. A statement that he had hoped would also improve Y/N's mood, at his side since the previous day and with a face that Roman had learned to know and avoid.

- I thought you would agree – he reflected, interrupting the silence inside the big black suv speeding along the coastal road that would take them to the city.

Perfect and composed in her red dress, Y/N turned to look at him, leaving the intensive study of the road, her hand clasped in his, her look confused for a moment. However, he knew what was buzzing in her beautiful head even if she hadn't said it, even if she had avoided any scene with a coldblood that would have made anyone envious, she wasn't the kind of woman you could tell a story and move on. And he wasn't willing to play that game, not with her, not after what had happened, not at risk of losing her too after what they had been through to be together. He had learned from the trial, he knew what to do now.

- I made that decision thinking about you too and you're not happy – he added, already feeling words weighing in his throat.

- Me? How would I have influenced your choice? – he heard her ask and slightly tightened his grip on her fingers, his tongue sliding over teeth to banish the tic that threatened to make his lip curl.

Mate must be on our side. Mine mate.

- I should go and get’em inside their homes, make em beg. I'm controlling myself, you don't like arguments. I'm doing it for you, it's what you wanted. No fights.

What his cousins had done deserved more than a lesson, but going against them, smashing, punishing them as they deserved, leaving them floundering in their misery would have been a dangerous move. The family balance was built on strength, however it was not only with that Roman had managed to obtain what he had now, what others before him had failed to secure. He knew that he had to beat them with the head they lacked first and then with strength, if he wanted to keep everything and re-establish order, jumping to the last step was too high a risk. Y/N also wouldn't have taken it well, she had already tried to keep them together once and even if she hadn't said anything yet, if she didn’t asked it again, Roman knew that it would be difficult for her to leave everything behind. He had promised to keep her out of business, away from that kind of thing, his cousins had ruined every plan and it was enough having to drag her around with him so as not to lose sight of her, making the wrong move could ruin everything .

Her hand moved without force in his grip, but enough to allow her to free her thumb and rub it over the back of Roman’s hand, one of her many ways to calm him when anger began to rise.

- What I wanted was to see yall together – she clarified and Roman nodded, without thinking twice.

- We will do it again, when they will come and apologize. Door is always open for those who are family – he added raw, the skyline of the city now running beyond the window.

His dynasty was made up of men and women with thick blood and hot heads. He had to have an iron fist to prove himself worthy of the title he had, of the ulafala that the Elders had put around his neck, weaknesses were not welcomed and mercy even less so. He hadn't forgotten who Jey and Jimmy were, their blood would remain like his even in the grave, but Roman wasn't willing to pretend nothing had happened just because of that, not after yet another attempt, not after losing. He demanded something in exchange for his forgiveness, he wanted them to remember why he was on top, they had to pay. Only then would he hold out his hand again, not a second sooner.

- And do you think that will happen? That they will apologize?! You can't really think that – Y/N replied with a short sarcastic laugh, a curl swinging next to her gorgeous face.

- No, not now. Their stupid heads will think they can do it, that they can teach me a lesson, they will try to prove that they don't need me.

They would have accomplished nothing without him, just as they had never accomplished anything before he lifted them out of the ground where they were eating and took them with him to the top. The only advantage they had was that there were two of them and even that was worth little since both of them didn't make a full thought. They would carry on stubbornly, trying to challenge his influence, trying to move with the knowledge they had and when they realized that they were in hot water, that they could not do a damn without his approval, they would start to growl. And even then it would only be a growl because he was already two steps ahead.

With an annoyed grin, he turned just in time to see her frowning, lips pouting slightly in that little grimace she always made before talking back.

- And maybe they'll try to get you on their side. Somehow, at some point – he stopped her, running his gaze over her figure, feeling her freeze.

Mark her. We need to mark her.

That one was more than a possibility, much more than a possibility.

Y/N was his future, his legacy, as much as the land he defended. Before her he had done the impossible to secure as much as he could, trying to please everyone, without knowing what would happen after, but with her everything had changed. She was his centerpoint, she was made to be next to him and build a new bloodline with him and for this reason she was also his weak point. His cousins would never dare to hurt her, none of them were savages, but they would try to convince her to side with them somehow and he couldn't let her hear a single word.

-Ro – she called him as if trying to bring him back from wherever his head was going.

-I know Jey... he'll try. He’ll do anything to be the good guy, to justify himself, he can't handle the pressure, he never has. He needs an excuse to look himself in the mirror at night and say he's not doing this to take my place. He'll try it with you and Jimmy will try with Solo.

Jey was an hothead, looking at him from the outside he seemed a rabid animal, he had always struggled to open up to those who weren't family, but he had a soft heart, more than anyone else. Roman had seen him do unthinkable things, many times he himself had ordered them and Jey had never backed down, but he needed a reason, a trigger that meant something to him. He wouldn’t have come forward without seeking support, without he was just a kid watching something he was scared of. Jimmy on the other hand didn't have those problems, he was the other side of the coin, the trigger without reasons. It didn't take much for him to sprint and was used to truly believing himself the big brother of the litter, he wouldn't have let go of the chance to keep that title knowing in his heart that he couldn't have any others.

- Well, maybe it's not a bad idea to convince each other and find a common point - Y/N tried to suggest next to him and just the idea that it could happen or her even thinking about it again, made him snap.

- Like me going to the border to help em, finding myself with ma head half open?! This kind of common point?! I didn't start this, I won't let them finish it until I say so now! – he growled, voice too loud in the limited space of the suv.

He saw Y/N eyes widen and reflexively free his hand, to pass it over the face, torturing his beard, gaze going quickly somewhere else, outside, to the window and to the driver who, beyond the divider, was tenaciously looking ahead at the streets to not get involved. He inhaled deeply, pushing away the anger and then looking back at her, fingers reaching for contact again.

It wasn't her he was mad with, was them. They were ruining everything even now, even when they weren't around. He wouldn’t have let them be near her.

- I'm sorry, I shouldn't have…- he apologized immediately, placing a kiss on her temple with caution – I know what you think… but it was you who cleaned the blood off me, you saw what they tried to do. It's not a game babygirl, it's not an argument. Ima doing this for us, I have to do it, that's what I meant when I told you it's just me and you

Y/N didn't move, but seeing her staying silent kept him with his gaze trained on her, fingers stroking her face now, trying to urge her to say something, react, nod, her hot spot on her neck still free from his mark, calling him louder and louder until it creeps into his head.

- ... have you thought about it again? You don’t want to be by my side? – he asked, unable to hold back the thought, atmosphere suddenly heavy and he saw her lower her tense shoulders. Walls down again.

One breath, her eyes closing before a hand found him, reassuring him, letting him keep his fingers where his scent should have been, the imprint of his teeth to make her forever untouchable to anyone other than him. She was made for him. The call, the impulse, became stronger with each passing day, after what had happened even more than before and Roman rested his forehead against hers, inhaling deeply to control the need to mark her there without no more waiting.

-If I had I wouldn't be here – Y/N whispered and he pulled her against him, burying his nose in her curls, grip becoming more possessive on her.

- I gave you my word I would take care of everything, I will do it – he stammered, looking distractedly through the window, while the Y/N nodded and the suv finally stopped in the building's parking lot.

Mine.

His, it was all his and would remain his forever. Y/N, the Bloodline, its territory and title. He wasn't a player like his cousins, he cleared the way when he went onto the field and made sure no one set foot there again without first asking permission. He was the alpha and would remain so until his last days.

***

Shaking his head, he went out into the backyard to see what had happened to his brother, who had disappeared into thin air as soon as Naomi had threatened a scene at Jimmy’s umpteenth attempt to convince her to talk some sense to Y/N.

Their call hadn't gone as they'd hoped, she'd refused to try and Y/N had hung up not in the best way. The last one hadn't been said, they could still make an attempt, Y/N was less unapproachable than she seemed at first glance, in a right way she would have listened and deep down Jimmy really wanted her to understand what she had ended up in. Naomi said they couldn't do it, that it was unfair and they should leave her alone living her life, he saw it another way.

Big uce wouldn't have put her in danger, him who didn't even look people in their faces when them spoke to him had lost his mind the first second he saw her, man was fucked, but he would have used her. He was already doing it, as he did with everyone, as he had been used to do all his life just for that place at the head of the table and she would realize it too late for her heart. It was up to them to make her understand how Roman’s head worked, what levels of manipulation he could reach to get what he wanted and it would be better for everyone.

Jimmy joined him as he paced back and forth along one side of the fence, like a caged animal, his face turned towards the neighbors house, his shoulders tense.

He didn't like that story, Jimmy wasn't even sure Jey could handle the stress. Roman had gotten inside his head so much that he changed his way of seeing things, taking advantage of the affection he felt for him, of his dedication to his family to keep him where he wanted, Roman had managed to manipulate him for years. He kept saying that they had to figure it out how to make peace, that he couldn't do it without all of them and Jimmy knew, he could already feel it through the bond, he was on the verge of exploding.

- Nao will try to talk her again, but not about this, she doesn't feel it right, she says is not good for Y/N and doesn't want to know about it, that we should stop... at this point we should try with Solo, he's eating trash from Uce’s hand and... hey? What’s wrong? – he stopped suddenly, when he was close enough watching Jey shake the fence in rage and immediately march towards the street.

- School called– he said in a hurry and Jimmy stiffened, going after him.

- Are the kids okay?

-They wants to throw them out. They say that they are not in order with documents, some checks, now they say that regulations have changed, we have to adapt or move them from there. They were rushing them, they tried to call him, Kecia is going to get them.

Documents, regulation changes, checks?! Without warning, from one day to the next and threatening to kick them out?! They were kids good God!

- Hey, hey, slow down, was it him? Do you think- he tried to ask and his brother snapped.

- Who do you think it was?! OG blocking everything, he wants to cut us off, he’s coming for our throats! Kids have nothing to do with this! – he growled mad, head down, teeth clenched.

It was unthinkable that he had actually done it, but more he remembered what kind of man his cousin had become over the years, more he knew that he had done it with a specific reason. The boys loved him, he was the uncle who solved their family problems, the one who spoiled them and who they could ask anything, they trusted that bastard, they were kids and he had used them as leverage to hit Jey again. Just as he had used him and Jey for years to take care of his business, Y/N to get out of the trial and as he would have done with anyone else at his disposal. He knew he couldn't go against both of them and tried to push things like this, with low blows and no morals, but he had gone too far that time.

He's coming for him. Get him.

Somewhere behind him he heard Naomi calling them, while Jey reached the car and he pulled his arm, trying to slow down what was now a hunt.

- Uce! Uce where-

- I have to talk to the elders, move.

It wasn't a request, it wasn't even an invitation. Jimmy knew that face and he also knew how it would go from here on out.

***

She had heard of a couple of those men names while listening to some conversation, one or two were faces she recognized, like that Pearce she had met some time ago with Solo during a tour of the city. They discussed balances, that silly border that started the war and Roman wasn't thrilled, even though his expression hadn't changed at all, even though he was sitting there with his back leaning against the chair like he was in full control. But he wasn't the one she was focused on, not now, not after seeing Paul reluctantly pull his phone out of his pocket to check on whoever was persistently calling.

His face had gone paler than usual and his eyes had rushed to Roman, as if seeking reassurance or terrified of his reaction. Y/N knew that face, it smelled of fear.

Something wrong, again.

Tag squad: @sunnyfleur23 @racerchix21 @alyyaanna @reignsangel444 @romanreignsdefencesquad @romanstheory @claymorexpunisher @keybladeofsteel @msbigredmachine @nayys-world @gobbersworld @utika151209 @cumxxslutt @civildawn @romanmydaddy @triscillal @papireigns-05 @helensanders92 @love-islike-abomb @darqchilddaydreamz @meggylynnloves @unfriendly--blvck--hottie @nicolewoo @reignsx @reigns-central-blog @kianaleani @daguenoire @extra-11 @thedonsfactory @snowpanda18 @brattyfics @mzv11 @romanreignseater @tribalchiefdaily @2baddies2furious @vebner37 @depressedneedingrevenge @cyberdejos2 @usosthetics @mahi-wayy @jxtina-86 @harmshake @harlem11680 @southerngirl41 @blkbutterfly816 @spritelucozade @smile1318 @joannasteez

[azulera]

Sweet Like Açai

Pairing: TAA x Black Reader

Summary: He’s still raw from a rough break-up, his club is trudging through a mid-season slump, and somehow Trent still develops a fat crush on the server at Merseyside’s newest smoothie place.

Notes: this will be my last story for a while, but it is a longer one, and who doesn't love wingman curtis and flustered shy trentski 😃 here is chapter 1, but all other chaps will be posted on ao3. pls enjoy and do tell me what you think!

—————————————————————————

The new café that Curtis suggests is only a 15-minute drive from AXA, so after their last meetings and quick showers they take off in his Range Rover and make it there in ten. The owner, he says, is a friend of the Jones family, a former footballer who took the constant chiding of his nutritionists to heart and built a second career from it, and Curtis promises Trent that it’s the best combination of chilled fruit, yogurt, granola and whatever other superfood magic that he’s ever tasted.

But it’s not that Trent needs the backstory that his teammate gives or really much convincing at all - after training his stomach feels as big and empty as a house, and, even still, he figures he deserves it. The past months have been less than kind to him, and closer to brutal: the team’s performance has continued to nosedive in what by Liverpool standards was already an aggressively average season, and he’s still deciding if he’s moved on from the mutual but still painful breakup with his long-term girlfriend two months ago. “Self-care” is a foreign thing he’s been trying to practice at the insistence of his mum and Hendo, since they claim it’s okay to let himself have nice things, to not always push harder when the going is already tough.

A quick, sugary pick-me-up can’t possibly do too much more damage.

A little bell chimes as they step in the door and the air that greets them is pleasantly cool, and sweet. Dark purples and greens blend with browns and oranges on the walls in a swirling pattern, and rustic wood tables with high stools are arranged in rows from one side of the space to the other. There’s a couple sat together at a spot near the window, twin purple cups in front of them, and a single, serious-looking man on a laptop near the back, but the line to order and the self-serve kiosks are both empty. Curtis walks up to the counter, as in any room, like he lives there, and has been there a million times.

“The açai one’s gonna blow your mind, lad, I swear to ya. Plus, the place is Black-owned and that, supportin the community.”

Trent laughs once before settling his hands in the pockets of his sweats and looking up to the menu. There are too many options, really, but at the moment his stomach is non-discriminating.

“Yeah, it better. Won’t shut up about it, you. What’s good- the bowl or smoothie?”

“Hold on – Y/N? Is that you?”

Trent’s question goes unanswered, and smothered by the sound of Curtis’ yell. His voice lifts across the space, shouting the unfamiliar name another time, and again Trent is astounded by just how loud his teammate’s voice can be. That level of volume is helpful on the pitch but embarrassing in public, and Trent feels the eyes of at least one of the patrons on them.

“Curtis? Curtis Jones? Oh my days, one second–”

The ceramic counter holding the ingredients curves around into a small kitchen entrance on the left, and from where he’s standing, Trent can’t see what, or whoever it is that Curtis sees. But the mutual excitement in the voices can’t be missed.

“No way! Get over here!”

Curtis shouts, bouncing on his toes. A moment later, a blur of movement in the shape of a girl flies in from the kitchen, and has Curtis pulled into a tight hug. His teammate reciprocates, and Trent can see his shoulder muscles working to tighten the squeeze, even with the width of counter between them.

“Long time no see, Curt. Was starting to think you were something we dreamed up, only ever see you on the telly.”

Trent can soon confirm the voice does belong to a girl, and on the first glance he gets of her face it is slightly squished against Curtis’ shoulder, but painted in a look of open, undisguised surprise and happiness. It’s the kind of strong emotion he would only ever show on the pitch, almost never in a public place like this, and it almost feels like too much to witness such vulnerability from someone he doesn’t yet know, and who’s heartfelt reunion he seems to be third-wheeling on. He would look away, but his eyes betray him and zoom in, already busy taking inventory without consulting him first.

They start at her skin, which is glowy and smooth, and the same color he likes his tea, on the off day where he does drink a cup. He thinks it’s probably poor to compare a woman to a beverage, in fact, he knows it is, but blames it on his grumbling stomach and moves on. His gaze locks next on her lips, because she and Curtis are speaking again, loudly.

“Could say the same to you, can’t I, been ages since I’ve seen ya! And I’m loving the hair.”

“Yeah, wanted to try something different. It’s been a few years since I’m growing them.”

Her hair, Trent notices when he pulls his eyes from her face, is in locs like his, but lighter brown with amber highlights strewn throughout. They swing about her shoulders as she moves, so that she regularly has to push the strands back behind her ears, away from her face. The familiarity of the movement triggers a thing in his brain that yells “Me too!”, and his eyes travel the rest of her, suddenly hungry to find more things he recognizes. The first are her eyes, which are a warm, chocolatey brown, maybe two shades lighter than his own. The close second is that he finds her unpredictably, and undeniably attractive.

That feeling inside him that went dormant two months ago starts to fidget.

“How is everythin, though? Uni? And how’s the fam?” Curtis asks.

The two of them continue catching up with excitement that hasn’t yet worn off, and Trent stands to the side, trying not to intrude and trying not to be awkward. In a way he hopes is sly, he continues scrutinizing her features while intermittently looking at his shoes, up at the artsy menu board where the offerings are, impressively, engraved rather printed, and briefly at his phone.

He should, he supposes, listen politely to their conversation, try and contribute, but in truth he only checks back in after a loud burst of laughter. She's covering her mouth with one hand, and Curtis is straightening up from being almost doubled over.

“Whoo, I had nearly forgotten about that, you know! Your brother used to be absolutely mad. But hey, I was round here last week and didn’t see you. Are you workin here now?”

“Yeah, I am.” She pulls at the cafe emblem on the corner of her mauve t-shirt. “I’ll be working the front end of things while we’re still small. Only been at it a few days now, but Dad’s made sure I’m working hard.”

“I don’t doubt it, but you tell the big man he ought to hire some more staff, ‘cause me, I’ll be telling the whole city about this place. Dragged Trentski here as soon as I could, just to show him. Me first convert.”

The sound of his nickname evaporates whatever was left of his distraction, and he steps forward a little, as if finally being invited into the conversation. He looks up and finds she’s looking back at him.

“Alright?” She asks, smiling. “I’m Y/N.”

She waits for him to introduce himself even though if she’s a friend of Curtis and a footballer’s daughter, she surely knows who he is. Or does she? Either way, he decides he likes her for it.

“I’m Trent. Nice to meet you.”

“Good to meet you, too, Trent. Let me get Curt situated and then I’ll be right with you, yeah?” She smiles again, and it isn’t one of those plastic, forced customer service smiles, but one that lasts, like she means it. The light from it floods her eyes, and makes them even shinier, independent of the artificial lighting buzzing above them. In it’s glow, his chest does that stupid thing where it feels filled up with too much air.

He watches as she moves down the line and makes his teammate’s bowl with laser focus, trying to guess if what he’s sensing is just politeness, if her smile lasts as long every time. When the flash of white does appear behind her lips again, and twice more before she calculates Curtis’ total at the register, he gets too distracted by it to count the seconds.

“What would you like?” Too quickly she’s in front of him again, hands poised around a brown paper bowl.

“Em, yeah,” He clears his throat. “A bowl, please. Not a smoothie. The açai one?”

“Good choice.” She nods, while scooping portions of the purple fruit-yogurt mix into the container. “Any special add-ins for you today? Plant protein, energy, antioxidants?”

The health-food buzzwords set off signals in his head, and he gives the answer that would make his nutritionist proud.

“Need all of it, honestly.”

She laughs again, but it feels different this time, since he’s the one who made it happen, not Curtis.

“Good boy. Bet your nutritionist loves you. Which fruits?”

Trent freezes a second, affected in equal amounts by the “good boy” and the feeling that she’d read his mind. She pushes the right side of her locs back behind her ear in the silence.

“What about banana? It goes really well with the açai.” She offers.

“Yeah, banana’s good.”

She nods again and uses metal tongs to arrange the pale yellow pieces artfully over the yogurt. He goes on, choosing available fruits from the names listed on the clear glass shield, and trying not to stumble, again. The bowl gradually fills up, and it’s a smooth exchange – it’s much easier to do this, to talk and focus, he realizes, when her face is turned down – until they reach the last two options.

“Pineapple?”

“Em, nah, no pineapple, it-” The next bit of information he adds not because it’s particularly important, but because their interaction is almost over, and he doesn’t want it to be. “-makes me tongue feel—”

“All tingly? Yeah, that’s a thing!”

Her eyes light up as she exclaims and to Trent it seems her face sudddenly changes over — there’s more color in her cheeks, and vibration in her voice. But maybe he’s imagining it. She flits the tongs through the air as she continues.

“There’s an enzyme in pineapple, bromelain, that breaks down proteins, and you’ve got a bunch of those on your tongue and cheeks. It’s what makes it so acidic, and makes it burn a little to eat, but it’s interesting, cause, bromelain is also really good for you? Helps treat inflammation, and indigestion-“

“Not now, Y/N, just give the lad his food! If he wanted a lecture he would have gone uni with you.” Curtis teases from near the register, looking up from where he’d been on his phone, waiting. She graces him with a beautiful and dramatic roll of her eyes, but when she turns back to Trent they’re sincerely apologetic.

“I get a little carried away with the nutrition thing, forgive me. It’s nice to have Curt here, though, to keep me humble. Coconut?”

Trent wants to say, “No, it’s okay, I don’t mind it” but all he manages is a kind smile. He could care less now if she adds the shredded bits of white to his order or not, but he wants her to keep looking at him, for the excited glow on her face from when she’d mentioned food science to return.

“Em, yeah. Thank you.”

Minutes later, their bowls are bagged and paid for and they’re heading towards the door, fond words of parting on all their lips.

“You all come back, okay?” Y/N probes, pulling out from another Curtis, cross-counter hug. “And I’ll tell me brother and Dad you came in, Curt, they’ll be buzzin.”

“Oh for sure, I’ll send him a text as well. It’s been so nice seeing ya.”

“Same. And hope to see you again, too, Trent. Not just on the telly.” She waves at him, more a wiggle of her fingers, and it should look silly but somehow it isn’t. He wiggles his own back, and hopes it works for him too.

In the car, they dig in, setting aside the plastic lids unceremoniously on the dash. Curtis is obnoxious about the cleanliness and quality of many things, his clothes, trainers, and phone screen, but strangely his car isn’t one of them.

The bowl Trent ordered turns out to be far better than average. The yogurt is perfectly tart and tangy, the fruit crisp and juicy and the açai deliciously purple. He still hasn’t got the girl from the counter, Y/N, out of his head.

He’s four bites in when he finally asks the question bumping around his brain the past five minutes.

“How’d you know her again?”

“Who? Y/N? Her brother’s me mate. She was a year older, but we all grew up together in Toxteth. Why?”

“No reason.”

“Do you fancy her?”

“No-what lad?” Trent screws his face his up, unsure how indignant he truly is, and though he saw the question coming. Curtis only shrugs.

“I said, do you fancy her? I saw your face while yous was talkin, and you almost never ask after girls. Just pull with your mind games or telepathy or whatever it is you do.”

Trent gets a mouthful of coconut to formulate his answer, and the taste makes his stomach feel funny. He remembers why he doesn’t usually go for it.

“No, I mean, I think she’s good-lookin, yeah, but I don’t fancy her. Don’t even know her.”

“S’not hard to change that- I could put in a word for ya. Know she’s real busy, real serious about school and that, but you’re you, innit. Trent Alexander-Arnold. Be mad not to go for it.”

Trent lets the drama of Curtis’ compliment slide off him with a shake of his head. But the “you’re you” sticks; it’s what he’s been telling himself the two month’s he’s been girlfriend-less and on a season high not-winning streak, sitting middle of the table with indications to fall. He’ll keep on repeating it, or hearing it repeated to him, until it feels true again.

“You don’t feel weird about that? Since she’s your mate and all?”

“Why would I? You’re both sound people, better than sound. And if chattin to her gets rid of that kicked-dog look you’ve been wearin the past month, brother, I’ll plan the weddin.”

“I haven’t been— there won’t be-“ Trent splutters, before resigning to the chaos that is his closest teammate and friend. “I’ll keep the offer in mind, lad. But let me finish me smoothie bowl first, yeah? Let’s start there.”

“Okay, okay. You’ll remember I told you so.”

Trent keeps eating, lets Curtis switch the subject, and it's not until he’s home, scrolling the lists of Liverpool-based Instagram profiles containing the name “Y/N”, that he questions just what would be the subject of his friend’s “I told you so” — Y/N or the smoothie. He decides to treat him to another one tomorrow to find out.

[sitp-recs]

hello!! I just finished reading The Bolthole for the first time and ohhhh my god it’s so good. I loved the setting, I loved the way grief and guilt and coping and desire and deserving were explored for each of them, I loved how the way they felt about each other was so embodied and tactile and desperate.

I love the different sides of them we get to see and how their relationship intensifies when they’re out in the middle of nowhere together (feels like the parallel inverse of the beloved classic: trapped in a house in the city together). Would you choose middle of the city or out away from everything, for Draco and Harry? Do you have favorite bucolic stories?

Ohh The Bolthole is amazing and I agree, those vibes are immaculate! I love the elements you highlighted and I’m so happy that you enjoyed this fic; I remember the thrill of seeing those 3 brilliant authors publishing a story together, it felt like Christmas! I’m a very urban girl myself (love the city lights!) but I can’t deny the charm and quiet intimacy of bucolic fics, I especially adore the ones with recluse!Harry living in the woods. I loved doing this rec list, thank you!

Home is Where the Nifflers Are by primaveracerezos (G, 4k)

Draco has a soft spot for animals with nowhere to go; soon his and Harry's small flat is bustling with adorable, semi-dangerous creatures.

Vintage by momatu (T, 7k)

Of all of the vineyards, in all of the regions, in all of France, Draco's blasted editor sends him to Potter's....

Beekeeping by khalulu (E, 13k)

A few years after the war, Harry needs distance from the British wizarding world and volunteers abroad as a teacher in a poor rural school. Draco is a low-budget traveler, wandering wherever his curiosity leads him. Their paths cross in Malawi, “the warm heart of Africa.”

the treehouse near primrose downs by @softlystarstruck (M, 14k)

Draco and Harry have been roommates for years, so buying a magical house in the countryside shouldn’t be a big difference. But in between fresh loaves of bread and beds of wildflowers, things start to fall into place.

amid this warm and steady sweetness by warmfoothills (E, 21k)

Harry is not living in a period drama, no matter what his friends or his new house or Malfoy’s sudden affinity for horse-riding might suggest, and if one more person uses the word courting, he’s going to start hexing people.

Twelve Moons by @corvuscrowned (T, 27k)

Harry Potter lives a quiet life, running an inn with his two best friends. Once a month, Draco Malfoy comes to stay. A real-time fic that takes place over the course of a year; updates every full moon.

Pathless Woods by @shealwaysreads (E, 30k)

Harry finds himself unexpectedly reacquainted with Draco Malfoy when his work as an apprentice wandmaker takes him to Wiltshire. Amongst the trees Harry finds magic, growth, and a man who might finally be proving he’s worthy of the wand that chose him.

Of Wands and Trees by Omi_Ohmy (E, 45k)

All Draco wants to do is be a wandmaker, but to do so he needs to understand the soul of trees. Of course, the only man who might be able to help him is the one man who is more of a mystery to him than any tree.

Among Ancient Pines by @graymatters (M, 74k)

Every day, Draco Malfoy tries. With every fiber of his being he tries. But he doesn’t much think about what he’s trying for. In his final term of Healer training, Draco is unfortunate enough to find himself on a plane, the only means of traveling to a small, magical town in rural Alaska.

Knead by laughingd0g (E, 83k)

This is not a story about Harry renovating Grimmauld Place. This is a story about coffee shops and brewpubs, about Ginny and Luna on a farm with creatures, about magical Oregon, coastal road trips, flying, friendship, and Draco Malfoy's lean arms.

Wild (orphaned, E, 92k)

“No,” Harry said, by way of greeting. Malfoy’s blonde head rose slowly, carelessly. “Get out.” “I feel as though we’ve already established this, Potter,” Malfoy responded. “And I feel that what we established was that you telling me to get out of places really doesn’t make me more likely to vacate them.”

A Sword Laid Aside by @korlaena (E, 128k)

When Draco’s cover is blown during a deep undercover operation and the Ministry is compromised, Ron takes Draco to the only safe place he can think of—Potter. Hiding out with a taciturn Harry Potter, who has been missing from the Wizarding World for almost two decades after a shocking fall from grace, is nothing like Draco thought it would be.

[knoepfl]

A Quiet Christmas Away

Part 3 and I'm excited to bring my boy Nubbins in it! He deserves the world and the special present he receives^^

3/24

Characters:

• Y/N (Reader): A kind and nurturing individual who provides a quiet, safe space for Nubbins to escape the chaos of his family.

• Nubbins Sawyer: A chaotic yet endearing man with a childlike curiosity, who finds comfort and warmth in the holiday spent with you.

Trigger Warnings:

• Mild references to violence and chaos (Sawyer family background).

• Emotional vulnerability and themes of love and belonging.

Masterlist

Words: 1248

The old house you inherited from your grandmother stood tucked away in the woods, far from prying eyes and the noise of the world. It had been a while since you’d been back, but it was the perfect place for the peaceful holiday you both craved.

---

The snow fell softly outside, covering the world in a pale blanket of stillness. It was a stark contrast to the chaos that usually surrounded the Sawyer family, but tonight wasn’t about them. Tonight was just for you and Nubbins.

Nubbins, dressed in a slightly too-big sweater you’d convinced him to wear, sat cross-legged on the worn carpet by the fireplace. He poked at the flames with a stick he’d insisted on bringing inside, watching them crackle with a childlike fascination.

“You know, darlin’, this place ain’t half bad,” he said, his Texan drawl soft as he glanced at you. “Kinda cozy-like.”

You smiled, setting a steaming mug of cocoa in front of him. “It’s nice to have a little peace, don’t you think? No yelling, no chainsaws, no… well, you know.”

Nubbins laughed, his crooked grin lighting up his face. “Yeah, they don’t really go for this kinda quiet. Always gotta be somethin’ goin’ on back home.”

You sat beside him, wrapping a blanket around the two of you. The warmth of the fire and the gentle hum of an old Christmas record playing in the background filled the room. For once, there was no blood, no screams, no chaos. Just you, him, and the soft glow of Christmas lights strung haphazardly around the room.

Nubbins leaned against you, his head resting on your shoulder. “Don’t reckon I ever had a Christmas like this before. Kinda nice, ya know? Feels like... like somethin’ outta one of them picture books.”

You chuckled, running your fingers through his unruly hair. “Well, I’m glad you’re here to share it with me. It wouldn’t feel right without you.”

He looked up at you with those wide, slightly wild eyes that always managed to soften when he was with you. “Ain’t no place I’d rather be, sugar. You’re somethin’ real special, y’know that?”

Your cheeks warmed, and it wasn’t just from the fire. “You’re pretty special too, Nubbins. Even if you do scare the mailman every time he comes around.”

He cackled, a sound that could have been unsettling to anyone else but was music to your ears. “Ain’t my fault he don’t appreciate good ol’ Texas hospitality!”

The two of you sat there, the night stretching on as the snow continued to fall. You exchanged small, thoughtful gifts—he’d carved you a little wooden heart, rough around the edges but made with care, and you’d given him a scarf you’d knitted yourself, though it ended up tied around his head instead of his neck.

Later, as the fire died down and the room grew darker, Nubbins pulled you closer. His arms were surprisingly gentle, his usual manic energy replaced by something tender and calm.

“Merry Christmas, darlin’,” he murmured, his voice barely above a whisper.

“Merry Christmas, Nubbins,” you replied, pressing a kiss to his temple.

For a moment, it felt like the rest of the world didn’t exist. Just the two of you, wrapped in warmth and love, far away from the madness that so often defined your lives. It was perfect in its simplicity—a quiet Christmas, together.

---

As the night deepened and the snow thickened outside, you reached for the final present you had carefully tucked away under the small, scraggly Christmas tree. The moment you brought it out, Nubbins’ eyes lit up with curiosity.

“What’s that, sugar?” he asked, leaning forward with an almost childlike excitement.

You grinned, holding the small wrapped box toward him. “This one’s for you. Open it.”

His hands, rough and calloused from years of working with tools, carefully peeled back the paper. He muttered under his breath about “fancy wrappin’,” but you could tell he was savoring the moment. Finally, the box was revealed—a sleek, black camera, shiny and new.

Nubbins froze, staring at it as if he couldn’t believe what he was seeing. His fingers hesitated before picking it up. “Is this…? Is this for real?”

You nodded, your heart swelling at the look on his face. “It’s yours, Nubbins. I know how much you love taking pictures, and I thought… well, maybe it’s time for an upgrade from that old Polaroid.”

He turned the camera over in his hands, inspecting every detail with reverence. “This… this is somethin’ else, darlin’. I ain’t never had somethin’ this nice before.” His voice cracked slightly, and he quickly cleared his throat, trying to cover up the emotion.

You reached out, touching his arm gently. “You deserve it. I’ve seen how much you love capturing moments, even the messy ones. Now you can take even more pictures—ones we can keep forever.”

Nubbins looked up at you, his eyes glassy. For a man who thrived in chaos, he was rarely vulnerable like this, and it made the moment all the more special. “I… I dunno what to say, sugar. This is… this is the best damn Christmas I ever had.”

He fumbled with the camera for a moment, figuring out how to turn it on. When the screen lit up, he let out a gleeful laugh. “It’s got a little window! Look at that! I can see stuff real clear, like magic!”

You laughed softly, leaning into him. “It’s called a viewfinder, Nubbins.”

He adjusted the settings clumsily, holding the camera up to his face and pointing it toward you. “Alright, darlin’. Gimme a big ol’ smile. Say cheese!”

“Cheese!” you said with a giggle, striking a playful pose as he snapped the photo. The camera clicked, and he pulled it away, staring at the screen.

“Hot damn, you look even prettier than I remembered,” he said, his grin spreading wide.

You felt your cheeks flush, but before you could respond, Nubbins turned the camera toward the window. “I’m gonna get me some pictures of that snow. Ain’t never seen it look so pretty like this before.”

He got up, practically bouncing as he moved to the window, snapping photos of the snowy landscape. His enthusiasm was infectious, and you couldn’t help but watch him with a fond smile.

After a while, he came back and plopped down beside you again, camera still in hand. He turned it off and set it carefully on the table before pulling you into his arms. “You’re somethin’ special, y’know that? Don’t think anyone else in this whole damn world woulda thought to do somethin’ this nice for me.”

You rested your head against his chest, listening to the steady rhythm of his heart. “You’ve done plenty for me, Nubbins. You make me laugh, you make me feel safe… even if you do have a bit of a wild side.”

He chuckled, the sound deep and warm. “Reckon I got lucky, findin’ someone like you.”

The two of you stayed like that for a long time, wrapped up in each other and the quiet warmth of the moment. Outside, the snow kept falling, and inside, the fire crackled softly.

For once, the world felt like it was exactly as it should be—just you and Nubbins, together, celebrating a quiet Christmas far away from the madness. And as he held you close, you knew this would be a memory he’d carry with him forever—captured in his mind as vividly as the photos he’d taken that night.

---

[beifong-brainrot]

weilin au’s…

Ah, I have too many lol.

I often like to just imagine small tweaks to canon where Wei and Bolin meet earlier, or have more interaction etc. But if we're talking like fullblown different universe shit I have a few favourites.

I think the first AU I've ever come up with is a selkie AU where the Beifongs are selkies and Bolin is a fisherman who accidentally finds Wei's coat and shenanigans ensue. (Kuvira is adopted and instead of being a selkie she is a huge carnivorous deep sea mermaid with deep sea gigantism bcs big scary lady.) Featuring the Triple Threats as seal hunters who also moonlighting as selkie hunters. And Lin who is a selkie who lost her coat and is therefore stranded ob land and her family believes her to have been killed by the triple threats. Ooh intrigue... and Mako is just concerned why Bolin keeps bringing this weird naked man who eats raw fish around the house.

Being the nerd that I am I do have a greek mythology AU. I chose to romanticise the myth of Hephaestus and Aphrodite's arranged marriage bcs honestly I think it has even more potential to be a good love story than Persephone and Hades ever did. I think Bolin would be a cool as fuck Hephaestus, living in a volcano and using lava to power his forge. Also disabled Bolin with cool mechanical prosthetics why not. And Pabu can be a mechanical ferret friend Bolin built. Wei would be an interesting Aphrodite bcs he is just... just such a bitch lol. Which honestly matches canon Aphrodite's personality let Wei start a war over a fucking apple he deserves it. Also the plot of two characters being in an arranged marriage and not happy about it but slowly growing to fall in love is an oldie but a goldie.

I did once come up with a Skyrim AU and I'm still gearing up to fit Bolin and Wei and the rest if the characters into it. But I think having Bolin as a half-Dunmer half-Breton working as muscle for the thieves guild (Mako acting as an actual thief), while Wei is a Altmer noble on the run after rebelling against the Thalmor would be an interesting concept? Might put in some background Wuko too (planning on Wu being a wood elf whose only skill is speech which he maxed out lol)

I have a few other Aus but these are the big three that I think about most and have built up so enjoy lol.

[legacyshenanigans]

A carry on to the (few posts down) of Rowan going after those hunters. 🤍 @dreambender96

Revenge 🐺

The hunters met at the old house on the outskirts of the forest at night fall, they entered together keeping their eyes on their surroundings for any kind of sign or movement that the werewolf they'd been told about was around. They came across someone picking mushrooms deep into the woods with their hood up.

Hunter: You there, What are you doing here?

Rowan: *turns to face them and gives them a sweet smile* Oh hey there, just out picking some mushrooms, I live nearby.

Hunter2: You know there's a werewolf in these woods right? You shouldn't be out here.

Rowan: *fake gasp* A werewolf? Really? Gosh..I thought it was just rumours..

Hunter: You can stay with us, and we can help lead you out, we'll protect you.

Rowan: Heh..Well thank god you came across me out here. I feel better now knowing I'm not alone..

Rowan stood and approached the men, as the three of them started wandering off together.

Rowan: So..Werewolf hunters are ya?

Hunter: Yup. Like my pappy, and his pappy, and so on..

Hunter2: I'm been a Hunter for a few years now.

Rowan: You both killed many werewolves?

Hunter: Oh aye..13 in total, all around the country.

Rowan: *nose twitches as he tries to play along with their game* I see..Well..I'm sure you're doing folk a great service.

Hunter: *chuckles* Absolutely...FOUL creatures. They deserve death.

Rowan clenched his fists as they got deeper into the woods. He took his hood down, walking alongside them. One of the hunters noticed his pointed ears.

Hunter: Are you erm..Some kinda elf? You're pretty big for an elf.

Rowan: *casually continuing to walk* I ain't an elf..

Hunter2: What's with your ears?

Rowan: Family trait I suppose, many folk in my family had pointed ears like this..

Hunter: Interesting..

Rowan: Mhm..I come from a long line of what I suppose you could call woodland folk..Infact..I'm the last of my...Personal Community, you could say.

Hunter2: Oh yeah? What happend?

Rowan turned to face them, all three of them coming to a stand still in a small clearing of the woods.

Rowan: We were hunted..

Hunter: (?)

Rowan: And they came and destroyed everything.

Hunter2: (??)

Rowan: And after that night..I decided hunters had to die *wicked smile baring his fangs*

Hunter: (?!?!?!)

Hunter2: He's one of them!!!

Rowan burst into this werewolf form as the men began shooting spells at him left right and centre, he dodged them expertly, using the darkness and trees surrounding them as cover before he seemingly disappeared. The two hunters were back to back, looking around.

Hunter: Where is it?!

Hunter2: I don't know!!

Rowan suddenly let out a roar, bounding out of the trees knocking into them both causing them to fall to the floor, their wands flying out of their hands, one of the hunters scrambled backwards on the floor, backing himself up into a tree as he watched Rowan loom over his friend.

Hunter2: Please please!!! No!!

Rowan: *deep gravelly chuckle*

Rowan tore at the mans stomach, pulling out his inards as the man screamed in agony, the hunter against the tree was frozen in fear as he watched the scene..Rowan then ripped off the mans head, throwing it towards the other hunter making him shriek and scream. Rowan then crawled over to him menacingly, drool falling from his lips, snarling deeply, his eyes glued to the other hunter..

Hunter: I...Listen..We-

Rowan: Shut up!

Hunter: *winces as Rowan gets uncomfortably close to him*

Rowan grabbed his neck, pushing him up the tree, strangling him, the man gasped for air, looking down at Rowan, eyes wide in terror.

Rowan: You won't hurt any of my kind..EVER, again..

And with that, Rowan broke his neck with one swift movement before dropping his body to the floor. He returned to his human form, heavy breathing as he looked at both of the bodies, backing away from the scene, a big grin spreading onto his face as he started to laugh before wandering off into the darkness of the woods.

~

[monocle-teacup]

Wrote a small fic for my Lotus AU. Mandroid picks up drawing as a hobby because he's bored. Tara decides to give him some drawing supplies to encourage him.

Gift

Due to Stephen’s size, it was impossible for him to sit on any of Tara’s furniture. The two of them worked together to build a chair made of metal and sturdy wood for him to sit on. Her living room had to be rearranged for it to fit, but it was an easy process since due to his strength. The chair was so large she felt like a child when she sat on it which the scientist found amusing. Now a common sight in the house was a human woman, a robotic spider, and a part man part machine monstrosity sitting in the living room.

Lately Tara noticed that Stephen spent his time with a pencil and paper. It was clear he was drawing, but from the glimpses she got it didn’t look like he was making a blueprint. She saw shapes and other things she didn’t have names for. It was great that he found a hobby and she wanted to encourage that. She had no idea when his birthday was and Christmas was months away so she decided to just surprise him one day.

“What is this?” he asked when he noticed the box on his chair.

“It’s for you.” she answered white sitting on the couch.

He stared at her like he couldn’t comprehend what she was saying. “You bought me something?”

“Yes.” she said patiently.

He narrowed his eyes in suspicion. “Why?”

She resisted the urge to run her hand over her face and sigh. Instead, she gestured to the box. “Open it and you’ll see why.”

He picked up the gift as if it was the most fragile glass. Taking off the lid, his eyes widened in astonishment. “You bought me… drawing supplies?” His voice was full of wonder.

It made her happy to see him so enthusiastic. “You seem to enjoy it so I wanted to get some things for you.”

Despite his face looking like something out of a nightmare, his expression was soft. “This is very thoughtful of you.” He focused on her and smiled. “Thank you, Tara.”

“You’re welcome. I hope you don’t mind that I just got you different types of pencils and some pens.”

“It’s perfect for my needs. I especially appreciate the larger sketch book.”

“If you’re okay with it, I’d love to see some of your work.”

He was hesitant for a moment before he went over to a shelf. “I’ve only done this so far.” He handed her a sheet of paper that had a monochrome cat on it.

“Wow, Stephen!” she breathed. “This looks so realistic.”

His face lit up at her praise. “I modeled most of my machines after things found in nature so I frequently studied animals.”

“This cat was special to you, wasn’t it?”

His mood turned pensive. “She was a stray that found her way into my lab shortly after I gained my first Cybertronian arm. She was very strong willed and refused to leave even after I tried forcing her.” He grinned. “The Arachnamechs were terrified of her. Ironically, she came to think of Arachnamech as her name but I shortened it to Arachna. I found out Arachna was female when she gave birth on my workbench.”

Tara laughed, causing him to glare at her for interrupting. “I’m sorry. It’s just a funny image to think about.”

He ignored her. “She had five kittens. The Arachnamechs didn’t dare go near them.” He chuckled. “My lab certainly became more lively after that.”

She was almost afraid to voice her next thought. “What happened to them?”

He frowned. “I’m not sure. I know they managed to escape my lab being destroyed. My hope is that they all found good homes.”

She got up to pat him on his organic hand, noting his bewildered expression at her action. “I’m sure they’re fine. Cats are pretty resourceful.”

He rolled his eyes when she smirked. “Now what?”

“I’m having fun thinking about you fussing over a cat.”

“Because I don’t seem the type?” he asked in annoyance.

“No, because I think it’s adorable. I’ve seen how protective you got over the Arachnamechs. You probably spoiled Arachna.”

He crossed his arms and huffed. “She deserved nothing less.”

[innytoes]

Hehehe YouTuber au headcanons?

More Youtuber AU!

-So Carrie is clearly huge in the fashion and beauty and lifestyle spheres. She does brutally honest product reviews with stuff she buys herself (because fuck sponsorships that require you say nice things), makeovers for herself and Reggie into different styles, make-up tips and routines, and every now and then she goes all Rich Youtuber and surprises her subscribers with like, a shopping spree or buying poor kids their prom outfits or whatever.

-Reggie's favourite was the one where she got them both a full historically accurate Renaissance Faire get-up.

-Also of course Dirty Candi has its own channel and they do stuff for that too.

-Very few people link Carrie's cute hype-man and boyfriend Reggie to that video essay channel that goes really, really in depth into Star Wars lore and background details, mostly because he doesn't show his face on that one.

-Some people are like: hey isn't he that tiktok guy who films himself giving dogs at the park the most unhinged compliments. (Insert clip of Reggie telling a Pomeranian she could lead armies and help them win the skeleton war, while she wags and lets him pet her)

-Alex has a reaction channel where he does both shows and movies he's never seen/was never allowed to watch as a child, as well as like tiktok stories and memes. People like his snarky sense of humour. They also love whenever he does something horror, because he insists on watching it with his cute boyfriend, who is 100% not phased by anything and will be like: it's okay babe the werewolf is just tearing that guy apart. Remember, he deserved it, he was rude to that gas station attendant trying to warn them not to go into Werewolf Woods.

-Willie doesn't have a youtube but he does post sick skateboard tricks on tiktok.... sometimes in locations he Should Not Be.

-Flynn has a channel where she makes parody songs and raps. Julie and the guys are sometimes featured.

-They all live together in a big mansion and people are like: OMG IT'S ANOTHER YOUTUBE HYPE HOUSE and Carrie is like: um no, this is my fucking house and the others just live here because else it gets boring and also Reggie is like a sad puppy if he doesn't get to hang out with his friends at least an hour every day.

-Julie as a Sims Youtuber. She started playing a lot after her mom died because you can turn on the Sims and forget about everything and suddenly it's four hours later, and she needed that at the start to just get through the days. She's got a few long-running series that are very popular.

-Julie is the only one going to school because her Tía would murder her if she dropped out of college to become a youtuber. Ray promises her he'll be proud no matter what she does but also he doesn't really understand Youtube and how you can make a living with it. He's very happy to help film on bigger projects or give camera advice to everyone, though.

-Everyone has guest starred on Carlos' ghost hunter show and people keep wondering how the hell he knows all these famous youtubers because he's such a small channel.

-Luke is the guy who is like: COME ON GUYS YOUTUBE ISN'T A VALID CAREER WE NEED TO BE DISCOVERED AS A BAND THE OLD FASHIONED WAY. He's like a cryptid that pops up in the background of everyone's videos. There's special Youtube Compilations of him from across the different channels, and he HATES IT.

[xremus-lupinx]

heavy sweaters. reading glasses. the scent of old books. mismatched socks. black earl grey tea. the smell of mom's chocolate chip cookies. the feeling of writing with new pens. always offering a helpful hand. saving everyone but yourself. always learning something new. making yourself look smaller than you really are.

DETAILS.

full name: remus john lupin. nicknames: moony (marauders only). dob: march 10th. age: twenty-two. gender: cis male. pronouns: he + him. orientation: bisexual.

height: 6'1" eye color: brown. hair color: black. distinguishing features: scratches. deep scars on chest. occupation: flourish and blotts employee.

fc: deniz can aktaş.

WIZARD THINGS.

blood status: half-blood / werewolf. affiliation: order of the phoenix. house: gryffindor. animagus? none. wand:

length: 10¼" flexibility: sturdy.

wood: cypress;; associated with nobility and said to be well-matched to wizards who were willing to die a heroic death. cypress wands found their soul mates among the brave, the bold and the self-sacrificing: those who were unafraid to confront the shadows in their own and others' natures.

core: unicorn;; unicorn hair wands were not very powerful, but they were the least prone to accidents and the least likely to change loyalties. they were also the most difficult to turn to the dark art. they were prone to wilting if mishandled.

BIO.

trigger warning: mauling, physical violence.

life was easy and simple for lyall and hope lupin. they lived in the countryside with rolling hills and a forest along the grounds. it was perfection. all that was missing was a child to share it with. they tried and tried to get pregnant but it didn't happen. it was difficult for the couple. they began to wonder if they would ever have a little one to share their love. then on a hot july morning lyall and hope found out they were expecting. and in march they welcomed their little boy, remus john lupin. their world was complete. the love in the home was overflowing. the home was as it was meant to be for years but unfortunately that wasn't meant to last.

while lyall was a joyous man at home, he was a hardened man at work. at the ministry of magic he ran into fenrir greyback. greyback had been accused of killing two muggle children but lyall knew he was a werewolf. upon his release, lyall wasn't scared to voice his opinion that greyback deserved death. this didn't go over well and fenrir exacted revenge -- a revenge that would destroy the lupin family.

one hazy night, at five years old, remus was in bed asleep, dreaming of all things magical. it was heavenly. however, he was abruptly awoken by shattering glass and a large, imposing form jumping on his small body. remus was screaming, his father came in the room and tried to get the figure -- fenrir -- off his son but couldn't do it fast enough. fenrir had done his worst. he scratched remus deep within his chest, making him a werewolf. as soon as the form arrived he left. the spells lyall cast did nothing to stop the attack. he couldn't save his son, something that would be a reoccurring theme.

the lycanthropy that plagued remus and his family became a battle they fought together. they went to st. mungo's searching for help to rid him of the affliction but there was nothing to do. remus was cursed. he was now to live his life as a werewolf, having the pain of changing every month into something violent and careless -- the complete opposite of the lupin child's temperament. it was devastating to the family but llyal and hope wouldn't give up on remus. he was their son regardless of what had happened to him, no matter how hard it was.

age eleven came and it was time for remus to begin his journey at hogwarts. it was panic inducing for the family given that he was a werewolf. would he even be able to go to school considering during the full moon he became a being that could harm anyone who got in his way. with luck, headmaster dumbledore accommodated remus' condition and allowed him to go to the shrieking shack during that difficult time.

when he wasn't going through his change, remus was rather quiet in the beginning of his schooling. that is until he met his best friends: james potter, sirius black and peter pettigrew. the crew eventually became known as the marauders and did everything together, including pranks but they also cared about each other and would do anything for one another. while remus kept his books and sweaters close, he kept his friends closer. he couldn't remember ever having anyone his age care about him, let alone in the way they did. it meant the world to the young werewolf. so much so that when the three other boys found out about his affliction they became animagi so their book nerd friend wouldn't be alone during the hardest of times. they were remus' chosen brothers.

as the war began brewing, remus' heart raced. he grew even more scared. he grew to discover that werewolves were on the side of the death eaters and there he was: a werewolf. however, he didn't believe in blood purity. he believed in everyone being treated equally -- even though he felt like he could never fit into that category due to his sickness. he didn't necessarily feel torn about which side of the war he should be on but it was unnerving knowing those of his kind were on the side he couldn't bring himself to believe in. but he had to stay in his lane and be part of what he believed in -- and that was joining the order of the phoenix. there was no turning back.

LINKS.

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