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freyaphoria · 5 months ago

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Hii i love your yandere seongjoong fanfics alot!! i hope you continue writing them. I was wondering if you could about seonghwa getting punished by hongjoong? Idk where the reader would be involved in the punishment but it would be great to see joong punishing hwa

Here is a fic that I wrote with the help of the best writer I know @matzrionette and where I experienced writer's block at its extreme! Again, tumblr doesn't save anything I write; I think it actually blocked me. Also, all the yandere seongjoong fics I wrote are related to each other, so if you are reading this for the first time, it will be easier for you to understand the relationship between them if you read the other yan!seongjoong fics in my masterlist♡♡♡

From Passion to Punishment

tw: yandere!hongjoong, blood (were you surprised?), violence, shouting, tools mentioned, hwa is naked, punching, implied (or not?) sex, I'm not good at writing this part, a little bit angst

wc: 2294

taglist: @aim-blossom

Part II ->

When the door to your room suddenly opened, you both jumped. Judging by Hongjoong’s eyes, you were in trouble. Of course you were in trouble. He was really going to kill you this time. “Hong-” you were cut off when he approached the two of you and grabbed the covers over you. He didn’t expect to see you both naked and wrapped around each other when he quickly removed the covers.

He only looked at you both for 3 seconds; you thought he was going to grab your arm and drag you away, but he ripped Seonghwa away from you without saying a word and started dragging him away. He took his boxers that were taken off next to your door and threw them on Seonghwa. You had pulled the covers up to your head and you thought that if you didn’t move, he wouldn’t notice you or forget about you. While Seonghwa was awkwardly trying to put on his boxers on the floor, Hongjoong got tired of waiting and continued to drag Seonghwa, one leg is in his boxers, and he left your room and slammed the door so hard that its voice echoed for a long time.

It happened so fast that you couldn’t even process what was happening. The whole thing had only taken 30 seconds at most. You still nervously pulled the covers over your face and waited for Hongjoong to take you too.

Why did you have sex with him? It was one of those things Hongjoong would definitely not accept. Why did you have to...

It all started when Seonghwa tried to comfort you after your punishment. He had gotten permission from Hongjoong to you to not to stay in the basement and carried you to your bed. And you two had gone a little too far in comforting and had sex for the first time. Seonghwa was reluctant at first, but when you insisted, he couldn't help it.

Even though you were hurting everywhere because of your punishment, Hwa was very gentle with you. He started by kissing all your wounds and you hadn't felt this happy in weeks. For the first time, you had felt truly loved and felt like there was a different bond between you. But did you think that Hongjoong wouldn't realize something was wrong when Seonghwa didn't make breakfast in the morning? Okay, you thought, but what about Seonghwa? Why did he still have sex with you even though he knew this? Maybe he thought Hongjoong wouldn't notice or he would fall asleep.

Waiting nervously while your thoughts were running through your mind revealed the pains you hadn't noticed from yesterday. You just wanted to take a shower and after breakfast like every day, send that devil off to who knows where and build legos with Seonghwa. But now you had no choice but to wait for Hongjoong to grab your arm and drag you to the basement.

You didn't know how much time had passed, but you woke up with the growling of your stomach. You fell asleep while waiting and strangely Hongjoong hadn't picked you up. Since Seonghwa hadn't come to your room for breakfast, something really strange must be going on.

Got out of bed, put on your clothes that were in a ball on the floor without taking a shower since you couldn't take a shower unless Hongjoong allowed it, and you peeped out the door. You waited for movement, but everything was as still as if frozen. There was no sound. You left your room, went downstairs, and looked in the kitchen, but there was no one there either. "Hwa?" You called out to Seonghwa, thinking that Hongjoong wouldn't be home at this hour. But you didn't get an answer. Then you thought he might be in the Lego room, so you went upstairs again and looked there, but he wasn't there either. "Hwa!" There was no sound. This time you were going to look at the terrace that was forbidden to you, but you heard a thump. It didn’t take long for you to realize where it was coming from; usually these kinds of sounds came from the basement. You didn't think to Hongjoong to punish Seonghwa, you thought that he just took him away and he was going to punish you. That's why you hadn't thought of looking in the basement before.

You ran halfway up, went down the stairs and went down to the basement. When you pushed the large metal door, you came across the last sight you wanted to see. “Seonghwa!” Hongjoong was on top of Seonghwa, hitting him in the face with all his might. Seonghwa was moving but couldn’t do anything. On the floor were Hongjoong’s favorite tools, a hammer, knives of all sizes and metal bats. They were all covered in blood; you didn’t know which one he used, but Seonghwa's body covered in blood said that Hongjoong used all the tools. Even though he was naked, there was so much blood that creating a bloody suit for him.

"Hongjoong, please don’t!” Hongjoong was still hitting him as if he was in a trance, not even noticing you coming. You tried to push him away from Seonghwa, but he didn’t move. “I’m sorry! I started it! It was my fault!”

“Did he make you feel good?” Hongjoong asked you, still focused on Seonghwa as he hit him, not taking his eyes off of him. You didn’t want to answer. Of course he did. “Did he make you feel good when he touched you before I could even touch you!?” Of course he did. He took all the pain and gave me pleasure. But if you said that, he would probably kill you both with one punch right then and there. “Hongj-” “Did he make you squirt? How many times did you cum? I bet he doesn’t even know how to kiss-” “Stop it!” pushed him hard and lowered your head. You were red, either from embarrassment or anger. That’s what he wanted, to embarrass you. He came to his senses and leaned towards Seonghwa. “You broke my trust. What a shame, you worked so hard to get here. Now everything is gone. I'm taking away all your freedoms, Park Seonghwa. You've disappointed me so much. I never expected it from you." After Hongjoong was satisfied that Seonghwa had been beaten enough, he got up from him and turned to you. He wiped his bloody hands on your clothes and grabbed your chin, pointing at Seonghwa. "Do you see? This is because of you. My once precious Hwa is in this state because of you. He is like this right now because you can't help your own pleasures. I trained him so well that if you told him to stop he would stop like a trained dog. But you chose to be a whore and satisfied yourself." He held your chin tightly and shook your head. Your cheeks were pressed together and there was a sharp pain, but you didn't care.

You looked at Hwa lying on the ground covered in blood. He was still conscious. Hongjoong let go of your cheek and slapped you hard, headed towards Seonghwa and plunged a kick into his crotch. "If you can't control your dick, there's no point in having it.” He left the basement without saying a word to you.

Now, you were left alone with Seonghwa, who writhing with crotch pain added to the pain dominating his entire body. "Hwa, I-"

"Shut up." His voice was very clear and harsh for someone covered in blood. You didn't know what to say. The fact that Hongjoong had hurt Seonghwa so much scared you; and Seonghwa was still breaking Hongjoong's rules and still not being a toy like he wanted made your stomach turn. The uneasiness that came from realizing that even if you stayed here for 2 years like Seonghwa or more, you were still stuck in a life full of pain and tears like when you first came was growing in your stomach. "Wait, let me help you." As you grabbed his arm and tried to lift him up, Seonghwa pulled his arm away from you harshly, and move a little away. “I don’t want your help.”

Why was he pushing himself away? Sure, it was kind of your fault that he got punished, but you weren’t the one who did this to him. You didn’t hurt him. Since having sex was mutual, you were both "guilty" of it.

“Hwa, you’re bleeding. You can’t go upstairs like that. Let me help you.” “I’m not going upstairs. Leave me alone.” His tone was getting louder, but you didn’t care. You wanted to help him just like he helped you with your punishments.

“Seonghwa, let me at least take a look at your wounds-” "I told you to leave me alone! Why can't you do even the smallest thing? Can't that stupid brain of yours take commands? Did Hongjoong hit you on the head so hard that you've become a brainless idiot! He should have gotten rid of you a long time ago, you can't train a disobedient idiot! I said I don't want you! Go away!"

Wow, that hurt. It really hurt. You never thought Seonghwa would blow up at you like that in your life. When his voice echoed throughout the basement, you realized the truth. He was just... someone. He wasn't your friend. He was a victim too. He was Hongjoong's victim and there was no connection between you. What you did yesterday meant nothing to him.

Before you could process what he said, you experienced a second shock with the tears falling from his eyes. Have you ever seen him cry before? No. Seonghwa always looked strong. Or so you thought, but he had never cried in front of you.

Without a word, you got up and went to the basement door; after giving him one last look, you opened the door. Outside, as you had guessed, Hongjoong was smiling at you with the most annoying smile you had ever seen. What was there to laugh about in this situation? Your friendship or whatever had been ruined because of him and now you were alone. If he hadn't punished him and hurt him, this wouldn't have happened. Your friend who had been with you for 3 weeks and who truly cared for you was gone, now turned into a stranger who hated you, and Hongjoong found this situation amusing.

"There are little arguments in relationships. Don't worry about it. Oh, or are you worried that he won't be able to fuck you for a while-" his voice was cut off by the punch you threw at his left cheek. You didn't expect to be able to hit him this time, whenever you tried to hit him you would definitely fail, so you were very surprised when you punched him with all your might and succeeded. While you were expecting a blow from him in the same way, nothing came. You only heard his creepy chuckle. He was chuckling. Maniac. "Son of a bitch" you were probably going to regret it. But there was no turning back now. His lack of reaction gave you more confidence and you passed him and went up the stairs. You didn't know if he was coming after you, but you came to your senses when you went upstairs, went into your room and slammed the door hard.

Tears were flowing non-stop; what were you crying about? The fact that Seonghwa got punished because of you, or he shouted at you for the first time and implied that he wanted to get rid of you, or the punch you threw at Hongjoong and you swore at him, or the fact that Hongjoong didn't react and left you on edge?

Probably all above. As you expected, there was a knock on your door. Wait, was there a knock? Was it Seonghwa? "Yes?", answered excitedly.

Your heart ached when the door opened and you locked eyes with the last person you wanted to see right now. Hongjoong would never knock on your door, you thought maybe he came to apologize. But the red mark on his left cheek that you caused showed that it wouldn't be like that at all.

"Do you want to go to the punishment room yourself like a good girl or do I have to drag you by your hair like a bitch?" You weren't going to escape the punishment, as you expected. There was enough chaos in the house and you didn't want to create more chaos by resisting, so you nodded and left your room. As you were going down the stairs, you suddenly realized: Hongjoong was going to give you a cruel punishment, and there wouldn’t be Seonghwa coming to comfort you. But what would you do? Could you do it on your own? You were never alone after punishments. Seonghwa would always come to tend to your wounds or distract you by patting your head and talking to you, and he would never leave your side. Right now, you were all alone, and you didn’t know how much harm this demon would give to you.

Anxiety was gradually filling your veins as you skipped the last step and crashed to the ground. Hongjoong grabbed your arm roughly, trying to pull you to your feet, but you threw yourself back, freeing yourself from his grip. “Please! I’m sorry! I’ll never do it again-” the burning sensation on your face preceded the sound of the slap. “Just like Hwa said, you really are a stupid whore who can’t take any orders. But don’t worry, contrary to what he said, I won’t get rid of you. Now, stand up and go to the punishment room before I make you.”

Part II ->

#ateez #ateez imagines #ateez x reader #ateez reactions #ateez scenarios #ateez x you #ateez smut #ateez yandere #yandere hongjoong #yandere ateez #seongjoong x reader #seonghwa x reader #hongjoong x reader #park seonghwa smut #kim hongjoong #park seonghwa #run away together #hongjoong yandere #yandere matz

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bigmpregnm · 5 months ago

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A Small Bite - Part 4

[Story Collection] | [Part 3] [●]

“Joey, please, slow down. There are too many babies,” Matt said behind me, but I couldn’t find any words to reply as my body wasn’t under my control. I knew the babies were coming out too fast, but there was nothing I could do to stop it. I didn’t even know why more babies kept coming out of me. My mind was blank and babies just continued coming.

I loudly groaned as I felt how big the babies were as they went through my birth canal. It wasn’t only their size, but since they were coming out so fast, it hurt me more than I ever expected. The pain and pleasure were overwhelming. My hole was on fire, not having a break between babies, but my dick was fully hard below my still-big belly. I didn’t know what to do. There was actually nothing I could do.

I got my hands on my belly, and I felt it slowly deflating. That sensation was a tiny light of hope at the end of the long and painful tunnel I was going through while giving birth to a ridiculous number of babies. I could feel a head crowning, but it continued sliding out. In just a second, the head popped out of my body, soon followed by the shoulders making me feel more pain than ever before. Soon, the baby finally slid out of my body, only to be replaced by the next one in less than a second.

I panted heavily as my hole stretched over and over again to let all the babies out, like what must’ve looked like a baby cannon. I couldn’t control it; I could barely stay conscious, and I could barely hear Matt’s voice behind the multitude of babies crying. It was all surreal, but I couldn’t even decide if it felt like a dream or a nightmare. The pleasure and the fact that we were having more than one baby made it feel like a dream. But at the same time, the pain and the fact that we were having more than one baby made it feel like a nightmare.

I groaned more as my body won’t stop pushing kids out. I was almost out of breath, even though the pressure on my belly was slowly decreasing. I tried my best to focus my attention on the few parts of my body that didn’t feel like they were about to explode, but it was really hard because the pain of several babies coming out of me one after the other was simply too much. My pecs, my belly, and even my dick felt like they were about to explode, and I could barely stand all the sensations happening at once.

“Matt, I... can’t,” I managed to say, in addition to more babies coming out of me, I felt a massive rush of milk pouring out of my nipples all of a sudden, making it feel like I had two geysers in front of me. I moaned out loud while everything around me got coated with milk. Then, I felt enormous pressure around my crotch, making me groan in discomfort, soon followed by the most intense orgasm I had ever experienced. My dick shot a river of cum, landing on my underbelly and the mattress beneath me.

“Joey… hey… Joey. What’s happening, Joey?” I heard Matt’s voice, but I couldn’t reply. My eyes started getting dark, and my mind collapsed under the intense sensation taking over my entire body. My eyes slowly closed, and everything around me just disappeared.

****

As I woke up, I immediately felt soreness all over my body. It felt like a truck had run over me, but somehow I felt relieved. The memory of my belly expanding and the intense orgasm taking over my body before I passed out flooded my mind, but it all felt so distant that a part of me wondered if it had been a dream. However, the fact that I felt so incredibly sore and tired made me realize that at least part of it had been definitely true.

I slowly opened my eyes and realized I was lying in bed, looking at the ceiling I knew very well. As my eyes adjusted to the light, I heard a weird sound that felt very close, but I couldn’t recognize it. It took me a few more seconds to finally figure out the source of the sound and realize that it was related to my pecs. I felt something around both my nipples and something else touching me around them.

I looked down and was surprised to see a wall of flesh before my face, soon realizing it was my chest. Each of my pecs looked enormous, like small beach balls, and the skin looked so tight that I wondered how it had stretched so much. I couldn’t see anything around me. Additionally, my pecs were pressing tightly against my chin, leaving my head almost locked in place.

“What in the…?” I shouted, trying to sit up, but the weight of my pecs and the soreness of my entire body made it impossible. “I… what’s… what’s happening?” I managed to say this as I tried to lift my upper body from the mattress, realizing something was definitely wrong.

“Hey, hey, calm down. Joey, just calm down.” I heard Matt’s voice, and it somehow calmed me down a bit. I felt him taking the babies away from my chest, but I still didn’t have the strength to move off the mattress. “Give me a second, and I’ll help you sit up. Just let me place these big boys on the mattress,” Matt added, and I sighed, looking at the ceiling.

“What happened, Matt? I had the weirdest dream ever. Now I feel like a truck hit me; I didn’t know labor could hurt so much,” I said, slowly moving my hands to feel my enormous pecs. Even though my arms were sore, I needed to find out if what my eyes had seen were really my pecs. “Why are my pecs so big?”

“Joey, you… Just relax and take a deep breath, okay? You were out for about half an hour after the last baby was born, so I get that you must be confused. Look, you…” Matt said, but was interrupted by some babies crying. At first, I didn’t mind the crying because I knew it was normal, but then the cries multiplied and grew louder, making me realize that there weren’t just two babies in the room with us.

“Matt, please tell me it was all a dream,” I said, trying to sit up, barely able to concentrate due to the multitude of loud cries surrounding me. “There’s no way that dream was real,” I added, as I felt Matt’s hand holding my hand and his other hand giving my back some support to pull me up. Immediately, I felt the enormous weight of my pecs straining my back. I only gasped in surprise, but everything around me was too shocking to think about my sore back for long.

“Joey, it was not a dream. I have no idea what happened, but all of a sudden, you started giving birth like a machine gun. You only groaned and moaned. Joey, I thought I was going to lose you, but you did so great, and you filled my world with happiness and fear,” Matt said as I finally sat up and looked around at a crowd of babies moving and crying everywhere in our room. “You gave birth to 40 babies. I-I’m still not sure if I’m dreaming, but... I saw you getting enormous, and then babies just came out of you one after the other, and you passed out, and I was so scared,” Matt said with teary eyes, and I didn’t know how to respond.

At least 20 babies were lying in bed next to me; there were at least 10 in the crib we had bought for the only baby we knew we were having, and the rest of the babies were in a bassinet, a stroller, and a hand carrier we had also bought for our big baby boy. We had all that baby equipment for one baby, so it was barely enough to fit the 40 babies Matt said had come out of my body.

I looked at the babies in bed next to me, and they looked exactly like the big boy I fed while giving birth to the second one. They were all like copies of each other, and since they looked a lot like Matt, they were like copies of him. Even though the sound of their crying was overwhelming, a smile spread on my face when I realized all those babies had been inside me. They were all ours.

“Shh, hey, big boys. Easy there… Daddy’s awake, and he’s going to take good care of you all,” I said out loud, and the crying slowly stopped. It seemed like my voice calmed all the babies down, so I continued talking to them all. “I know you must be scared. Believe me, I’m super scared, but I promise I’ll... We’ll take good care of you all.”

“I think some of them are still hungry. I fed the ones in the stroller, the hand carrier, and the bassinet, and was halfway through the ones lying next to you. That means there are ten babies left for you to feed,” Matt said as he picked up two babies from the mattress and slowly placed them in my arms.

“What do you mean? How did you feed them while I was out?” I asked while Matt helped me lean back against the bed’s headboard and get the babies in position for me to breastfeed them. It was pretty difficult because my pecs were so big that I couldn’t see anything past them, the babies included. I could feel their tiny mouths around my nipples and their tiny hands touching my skin, but I couldn’t see anything but my milky pecs.

“I held them against your pecs while you were sleeping. I knew they were hungry, and your pecs were there, so... it just made sense. Your nipples were leaking all along and there were 40 hungry babies. The entire room was a mess already, but I preferred that milk go to our babies’ tummies rather than getting on the mattress, which feels and looks more like a water bed... or milk bed more than a normal bed,” Matt said, chuckling and giving my pecs a soft pat.

“You… are you really listening to your words? 40 babies? It can’t be real,” I said, looking around again, trying to convince myself that those 40 babies were actually there. “And you said they all came out of me? Do you understand how crazy that sounds?”

“Oh, believe me, I know how crazy that sounds. I was right behind you, catching baby after baby, after baby after baby. With the first ten babies, it was clear you had to push and all the regular stuff, but after the eleventh, they just kept coming without giving me a break. Then you passed out around the 25th baby and they just... didn’t stop coming. More and more and more kept coming, and I didn’t know what to do. I was so scared, and... well, don’t hate me, but... it turned me on a bit,” Matt said, blushing.

“You gotta be kidding me? I passed out, and my body was literally collapsing under all the pressure and effort, and you just got horny?” I said harshly, making Matt blush even more. “You’re unbelievable, Matthew.”

“No, you’re unbelievable. You gave birth to more babies than anyone else, and here you are. You’re amazing,” Matt said, kissing me and giving my massive pecs some careful rubs.

“How sweet of you, Matthew, but I can’t stop thinking that this is somehow your fault,” I said as he kissed me again. “You were the one who wanted to have a huge family, and look, now we have too many kids.”

“Oh, there’s no such thing as too many kids. But I swear this is not my fault, at all. I didn’t do this,” he said as he started bringing all the babies to our bed to have them all in one place. “If anything, that man from the bakery shop is the one to blame. He gave me the cupcake and said it would help your fertility in your next pregnancy. Well, now it sounds like it’s my fault, but I never thought this could happen,” Matt said as he continued bringing more babies to our bed.

“The cupcake and... the cookie,” I whispered, finally remembering my conversation with the other man at the bakery shop. More memories of the moments before the birth started flooding my mind, and I looked at Matt’s crotch to find out if that had also been real. “Matt, your... dick,” I said when I saw the size of his soft dick, just as big as it had been when it was hard the last time I had seen it, along with grapefruit-sized balls.

“Oh, yeah… that… So, I was waiting for you to notice. I can’t blame the cupcake on that, but I thought that, maybe, it has something to do with the cookie.” Matt asked, and I blushed.

“Well, yeah. I wanted something for you to get hornier. I wanted you to fuck me hard, and... well, I never thought you’d get a 16-inch-long dick. Not that I’m complaining,” I said, winking at him as he placed the last baby in bed with me. With 40 newborns, our king-sized bed barely had enough space, but it was a really cute scene.

“So, you’re the one to blame for this huge dick, and I’m, somehow, the one to blame for you giving birth to 40 babies?” Matt said, kneeling next to the bed, right next to me.

“Oh, there’s no comparison. But I should’ve told you that it was only...” I said, and he completed my phrase: “A small bite.”

We laughed, and he helped me change the babies to feed the next pair. It was incredibly overwhelming, but the more I got to hold the babies, the more I fell in love with them, and the fear faded away, at least momentarily. I knew we had many challenges ahead of us because 40 babies were simply too much to handle, but looking at them made me feel at peace, and seeing Matt care so much for them made it all better.

Half an hour later, I finished feeding all the babies, and they were asleep. Matt helped me get up from bed to give the babies enough space to take a peaceful nap. Getting on my feet made me realize my pecs weren’t the only significant change my body had undergone. My belly was still pretty big, but completely soft. Even then, I still looked like I was nine months pregnant with at least twins. My ass and hips had grown a lot, forcing my thighs to thicken, so I still had to waddle instead of walking. Everything felt strange, but somehow I loved it, and Matt was clearly madly in love with my much thicker body.

We made sure that all the babies were safe in bed and that no one would fall off the edge, and we slowly went to our bathroom because I needed to clean my lower body. Matt was so gentle as he helped me get in the bathtub and started giving me the best sponge bath I had ever received. He was incredibly careful, which I appreciated because I was sore, and at the same time, he made me feel so good.

He paid close attention to cleaning between my legs, resulting in me moaning in pleasure, and my dick getting instantly hard. I still felt like I wasn’t in control of my body, but I couldn’t deny that I was enjoying his touch. Looking at him, I noticed his massive dick was slowly getting harder too, and I couldn’t resist the urge to get my hands on it and stroke it. His dick was at least 20 inches when it reached full hardness, and I couldn’t encircle it with my hands. I had just given birth to forty babies, but I couldn’t help but desire to have his massive dick inside me once again.

“I know that look. I know what you want when you look at me like that,” Matt said, carefully moving the sponge around the spot between my balls and my hole.

“If you know... then... what are you going to do, big guy?” I responded and reached lower to fondle his huge balls. “I don’t know if we’ll ever have the chance to be alone again with so many kids,” I added as he moaned thanks to my touch.

“You’re crazy, you know that?” Matt said as I started turning to get on all fours in the tub. Simultaneously, he carefully got inside the tub with me. “But I can’t deny that the big ass cake you now have looks so delicious,” he added as we got right behind me and squeezed my huge cheeks with his strong hands.

“Well, this cake is yours, so... enjoy it one last time before we get too busy with our kids. A quickie won’t do any harm,” I said as he leaned forward and kissed my shoulders and neck, with his hard dick tightly pressed against my back. “Just a small bite of cake, and nothing will happen,” I added, and we both chuckled. I was ready to be a full-time daddy for our 40 babies, but I needed to feel my big man inside me one more time.

The End

#mpreg #mpreg story

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lostgracestories · 4 months ago

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I loved that short story with Mohg helping his Tarnished through their period!! What about Morgott, though? I don't think he would be squicked by it, quite the contrary, but he doesn't have a strong tie to blood like his brother does - maybe he knows more practical ways to take care of the pain? Things he learned/heard in all his long years of existence? Or maybe he would panic, not knowing how to help his beloved?

Ohhh boy... my skrunkly lovely king...

Trust me he has probably zero idea what he's doing. Sure he's been around for, like, ever... but he's familiar with battle, definitely not women, lol <3

Here we go!

wc: 539 tw: Morgott being weird, blood mention :p

That Time (Pt. 2)

Usually, when it's your time of the month, it's simple for you to just power through it. Sure it's painful but you've lived with it your whole life and thus learned how to simply put a smile on your face. However, now that you and Morgott have entered an established relationship, you no longer care for keeping a smile on your face.

Morgott knew that morning that something was wrong by the way you seemed to be shifting uncomfortably as the sun was rising. Not only that, but you were usually up before him. As he looked you over, he carefully pulled down the blanket, earning a whine from you. His brows knit together in concern and he practically gasped when he saw red staining your undergarment and spread to the sheets. "My Queen-" he would stutter "Art thou... injured?"

After you had begrudgingly woke up and met Morgott's gaze, you noticed how absolutely horrified and worried he looked... as if you were dying. You couldn't help but let a smile slip through the pain when you realized he must have no idea what was wrong with you. After explaining to him, he immediately got up from the bed and made you stay put. "Thou art in need of rest, stay still, my queen" "Morg, I'm fine-" "Nonsense, thou art bleeding and thou art in pain. Rest" You relented and gave up trying to convince him that you were fine.

For the first few days of your period, Morgott had brought you a warm towel to ease your cramps, a box of chocolate from your favorite chocolate shop, any and all weird cravings you experienced, and had brought you natural remedies he had read about for your pain. It was endearing that he was trying so hard to comfort you. It was obvious he had also been reading about your cycle, because he had been doing this without prompting. Either that or one of the female servants had given him advice.

On the fourth day, Morgott sat by your side the entire day, not leaving you once. And listen, you loved him, but you were becoming much to irritated with the scratching of his quill on documents as he worked next to you. "Morg, dear, I love you dearly but please go away" the words had caught him off guard and if he were a stupid man, he'd argue against her request. However, the servants had informed him to just go with it, it wasn't his fault if you got irritated over simple things. So, he obliged and left.

After the last day of your period finally passed and you felt like you could breathe without cramping, you got out of bed and ventured to Morgott's study. He was asleep at his desk, having not wanted to wake you last night since you were still in slight pain. As your eyes swept over his desk, there was a paper that had a list of all your favorite things as a reminder to Morgott, he had written for himself. Underneath was tally marks... he'd been timing your period to make sure you were within a normal flow... gosh he was so over the top when he was worried about you

#morgott #fluff #elden ring #elden ring morgott #morgott the grace given #morgott the omen king #morgott x tarnished

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sleepy-wyvern · 2 years ago

Text

Billy Hargrove x Female!Reader (SMUT CHAPTER 4)

Image 1, Image 2

Chapter: 4/4 (THE SMUT IS HEREEE) Part 1, Part 2, Part 3. AO3 link here

Summary: Billy pursues an uninterested reader trying to gain her adoration. When reader finds her crush kissing someone else that's when she realizes her feelings are towards the wrong guy.

THE SMUT IS HEREEEEEEEEEEE

TW/CW: persistent flirting, cigarettes, marijuana, violent threat (not towards reader), unprotected sex

This fic only contains characters that are 18+ and will contain smut, as such 18+ readers only, minors absolutely DNI

For the lovely @strangelysupernatural ! Thanks so much dolly for challenging me to write this fic about Billy! It was super intimidating but I'm so glad I did it.

Tip toeing across the hardwood floor made it feel like you were hiding from someone, even though there was no one home. Your heart pounded in your chest as he led you to his room, your eyes grazing over his weights as you passed by.

Your eyes peer around his bedroom as you fold your arms nervously.

“This is it,” Billy smiled, holding his arms out in display. He wore a smirk as he gestured, discarding his jean jacket.

He moved to his dresser that had a bottle of alcohol, you weren’t sure what. He had mentioned it but the words were already lost to you. He already had taken two glasses with ice from the kitchen when you arrived, placing them down.

“It’s nice,” You comment while looking around.

You moved to his bed, sitting down at the edge trying to calm your nerves as you watched him pour the drinks. You smoothed your skirt nervously.

He smiled gently when he turned, noticing your unease. He handed you the drink you gladly accepted. The taste was strong and sour, sending fire down to your stomach. Somehow it helped make being in the same room as this gorgeous man a little easier.

“So, come here often?,” he says, stepping back and leaning against his dresser.

You couldn’t help but chuckle, “is that how you get all the ladies?”

He shook his head, “not you, clearly."

"Well," you bit your lip looking down at your legs before continuing. "I thought you were different."

He nodded tapping his finger against his glass, "and how did you know I was different? Different from your different." He grinned playfully.

"Well," you tapped a finger on your chin, "When you caught up to me in the hall. I realize all this," you gestured to him making him chuckle. "It's just a show to get all the ladies."

"Well, clearly that didn't work. You definitely didn’t make it easy for me.”

“Why would I do that?” You smiled back playfully, “then you’d stop chasing.”

“I’ll chase you until the end of time,” his voice was lower and silkier now as he looked deep into your eyes, “if you’ll let me.”

“Depends,” your breath caught in your throat as you laid your drink on his night stand. “What are you going to do when you finally catch me?”

He looked at you, the corner of his lip turning upward ever so slightly as if he was keeping a secret. He had that look in his eyes, the look that he was completely obsessed with you. He tapped his fingers against the wooden surface of the dresser, clearly delaying the answer for your anticipation.

“I’ll bring you the best pleasure you’ve ever felt, darling, if you let me.” His bright blue eyes were darting between yours trying to read your expression.

You were excited but a small part of you was afraid. You had never been with someone like Billy before. Not this confident, not this sexy. Perhaps he sensed your fear as he stepped forward, expression soft.

“I’ll never do anything you don’t want me to. Tell me to stop and I will.” He reassured you.

His eyes somehow seemed larger with his gentle expression. He was so different than you expected, since that day you met in the cafeteria. Looking into his blue eyes you could tell it was real, really him standing in front of you.

“I want to. I just…” You trail off breaking eye contact nervously. “I’m not exactly… experienced. I don’t want to disappoint you.”

He brought a hand to your face, very gently giving you the opportunity to step back if you were uncomfortable. Instead you leaned your face into his rough, strong hand. After a moment you reluctantly looked back at him, your faces inches away.

“You can never disappoint me, no matter what so long as I’m with you. We can call it a night here and I’d be perfectly happy.” His voice was thick with concern as he looked into your eyes.

“No-“ you say rather too quickly, “I want to. Please.”

He smiled softly at your eagerness, glancing down at your lips.

Suddenly you closed the gap that was between your lips. You let yourself fall to the taste of sweet tobacco and mint, the smell of spicy musk and expensive cologne.

“Whatever my queen desires,” he chuckled slightly as he pulled back for air, making you blush. You were thankful he kept his hand on your cheek, otherwise you didn’t know how you could keep steady.

“I desire you,” you found yourself whispering into him.

“Are you sure?” He asked, running his warm thumb along your cheek.

“Yes,” the word never sounded so sweet.

Your body whimpered as he rescinded his touch. As he stepped back you watched him curiously, wondering what he was doing.

Billy stood looking at you, deep in your eyes undoing the clasp of his belt with one hand. The other held his drink and somehow avoided spilling while doing the maneuver. The belt dropped to the floor with the metal hitting the floorboards with a slight clang. Your attention was drawn to his peach coloured lips that were parted ever so slightly while your heart pounded.

He placed the glass onto his nightstand before dipping his fingers into his drink and you wondered what he was doing until he brought an ice cube to his mouth.

“Lay down for me,” he rolled the ice cube over his tongue as he spoke, looking into your eyes with his softer yet demanding ones.

You obliged, spreading your legs as you watched him lift his white shirt over his head, heart pounding so loud you wondered if he could hear it too. You couldn’t help but admire his chest while he leaned over you and you weren’t sure whether to be relieved or disappointed he didn’t stop at your hips, instead he approached your face. He hovered over you with muscles flexed and toned. Hesitantly you reached your hands up and touched the warm skin of his biceps.

He brought his mouth down to yours and you gasped at his cold lips. Suddenly you realised what the ice was for as your lips parted and your tongue met his. The sweet cold sensation of his tongue was so new and filled you with ecstasy mixed with sparks.

While you were kissing his rough fingertips starting sneaking up your thighs, making you shiver as your entrance started to soak.

He pulled back sooner than you’d like but he had other plans unbeknownst to you. Keeping his blue eyes locked onto yours, he moved down to your skirt, pulling your panties down over your legs. He was slow and gentle with the maneuver, sure to drag out every step as a way to make you want it even more.

Everywhere his fingers went filled you with sparks so intense you felt dizzy. His hands ran down your legs until finally he balled your panties in his fist, throwing them to the floor. Your wetness sent a chill through your body, one filled with lust.

He moved to your cunt as your body tensed anticipating the first contact. His lips were cool against your entrance as he kissed you, his hands moved to hold your thighs knowing you were about to squirm. Sure enough his strong grip held you down to the ecstasy of the cold ice and his tongue.

It didn’t take him long to find your clit as he explored your body, your soft moan and nearly bucking legs was a dead giveaway. His arm muscles tensed in a delicious way you admired, just making the experience even more pleasurable.

The soft dirty blonde curls of his mullet brushed against your thighs as he eagerly devoured you. His face was rough and scruffy but it added to the mixture of wonderful sensations that made you grip the bed sheets.

You wanted to drink all of him in as you moaned his name, running your fingers greedily through his hair. The cold feeling of his tongue brought on a new delicacy you never knew existed.

His muscles flexed as he held your legs down, his grip on your thighs kept you under his spell of pleasure. Slowly you started climbing that hill of orgasm.

“Please,” you beg, wanting more “Billy, please.”

Hearing his name roll off your tongue thick with lust encouraged him more. The repetitive motion with his tongue made your internal cup of pleasure overflow. Your heart pounded in your ear drums as you moaned from the height of orgasm. You leaned your head back against the mattress with a gasp, limbs feeling numb.

You didn’t even feel the bed move as Billy climbed over you, a delicious smirk on his lips. He brushed a loose strand of hair behind your ear, placing a quick kiss above your eyebrow as feeling slowly returned to you.

He laid down on the bed next to you, watching you carefully with a content expression. That’s when you realised he was slowly running his fingers up and down your thighs in a living, soothing motion.

“How was that?” He asked, heavy breath against your neck.

“That was wonderful,” you whispered looking into his eyes.

“You wanna do it again?” He asked, pulling back to look into your eyes with a playful grin.

Your eyes widened, feeling your cunt throbbing again already.

“Yes,” you whispered, pulling him into a kiss.

He hungrily kissed you back, tongues meeting in a heated embrace. You pulled back sooner than he’d like but waited to see what you had to say.

“This time I want all of you.”

Before he had time to speak you moved your hand over his bare chest, sliding down to the waistband of his jeans. His breath was heavy against your face, catching in anticipation. Your hands fumbled with the button on his jeans, undoing them sloppily. He was already bulging for you, clearly from watching you squirm in pleasure earlier.

You felt a little more confident as you unzipped his fly, quickly moving your hand to feel the hard bulge of his cock through his boxers. You felt his unsteady breath against your neck as he planted sweet kisses.

He let you push his shoulder down, laying his back against the mattress, popping himself up against the pillow with an expression of interest and excitement. He let you take the lead, and you loved every second of it.

Eagerly you moved your fingers underneath his boxers and the moment your gentle fingers touched his cock he let out a gasp. You pulled him free from the confines of his boxers as you lowered your body down.

His hands moved to your head, running through your hair as you hovered his tip. You started with gentle quick licks and kisses that turned deeper while he let out gasps, leaning against the pillow.

You could tell it took all of his strength to not plush your head down onto his cock. You figured you had teased him enough though, and with the next kiss you pushed him slowly into your mouth. His hands froze as he savoured the feeling of sliding over your tongue. You gripped his thigh as he slid further into you, close to the gagging point.

“Fuck, y/n,” he whispered.

You slide him in and out over your tongue as he grips onto you until it was too much.

“Y/n,” He warned with a growl, “I’m getting closer.”

You took that as your cue to lift your lips off of him with a smile.

“Oh but that’s the best part,” you teased, “I’m saving that for somewhere else.”

He took the hint eagerly as he sat up, “lay down for me.”

You laid back against the soft pillow, letting yourself take in the remaining warmth that his body left along with the scent of his cologne. You savoured the comforting feeling while he was discarding his jeans and boxers to the floor.

The butterflies inside you fluttered wildly at the sight of him now on top of you, looking down at you filled with desire.

He moved one hand to the rim of your shirt, “may I?” He asked politely.

You giggled a little at his politeness but respected it “you may.”

Deftly he moved his fingers of one hand to your back, undoing the clasp of your bra. To say you were impressed was an understatement. You shimmied out of your bra and blouse, before you knew it the cold room air was against your skin giving you goosebumps.

“Wow,” he said looking down at you with a smirk “you’re the most gorgeous woman I’ve ever seen.”

You blushed, stuttering flustered “you don’t mean that.”

“I do,” He smiled, moving to kiss your lips sweetly.

You felt his soft curls against your chin as he trailed kisses down your collar bone, slowly moving to your breasts. Your body shuddered as he reached your nipple. Meanwhile his free hand was sliding underneath the elastic band of your skirt.

“Are you ready?” He whispered.

“Yes,” the word came out as a whimper you hadn’t meant it to. He seemed to like it as you watched goosebumps rise over his skin.

You trailed your index finger over his shoulder, exploring every inch of his muscles. Heat rose from his skin as you wrapped your arms around him, feeling a nervous excitement while he lined his tip up with your entrance.

Your body shivered as he slowly pressed between your folds, your lower lips throbbing against him. His breath was shaken and unsteady as he looked up at you to read your face. The way his curls danced and facial hair moved with his expression sent waves of electricity through you.

You nodded breathlessly to him and wondered if he could feel the shudders. That’s when he slowly started to push into you further, your body tensing against the mattress. He stopped and let out a gasp as you adjusted to the new pressure.

“You okay?” He asked intently, looking down at you with concern.

“Yeah, keep going,” you assured moving a hand through his hair.

He pushed in further ever so slowly, letting your body adjust once again. A pleasurable smile was plastered on your lips that you couldn’t shake, you wanted him so bad. You let out a soft moan that made him shiver as he was finally fully inside. You savoured the moment letting your body relax again as you ran your hand along the muscles of his chest.

“Keep going,” you urge again.

Wordlessly he obliges, pulling out ever so slightly before slowly pushing back in. This time he was a bit faster making your lip quiver at the heated pressure. Still, you wanted more.

“Faster,” you demanded, making him chuckle slightly at the urgency in your voice. You didn’t care, you needed more friction.

Slowly he started to speed up, thrusting faster and faster until he was pounding against your throbbing cunt. You wrapped your legs and arms around him, wanting him closer and closer, feeling the ripple in his muscles as he fucked you.

When he slowed to a stop you were disappointed as you watched him gasp for air. He stayed inside you while he grabbed a free pillow, lifting your ass up he placed it beneath you. You raised an eyebrow at him curiously.

“Trust me,” he smirked, rolling his tongue over his lips as his body returned to yours.

This time when he started thrusting it felt different, deeper and better. When he sped up that’s when you felt him hit that wonderful g-spot. Your loud moan gave you away as he chuckled.

“There we go,” he whispered before continuing, beads of sweat forming on his forehead.

His thick cock was quickly taking you up the trail of your second orgasm.

“Oh Billy,” you moaned, “please don’t stop.”

His body tensed above you at your pleading and his rhythm didn’t waiver. His thrusts bring you closer and closer to that peak you were searching for until his cock pushed you over the edge, your toes curling into the soft bed sheets.

“Good girl,” he purred sweetly between laboured breaths.

He stopped himself from holding back as he continued thrusting, your body still numb with euphoria.

“Inside,” you demanded, looking up at him with a sweet expression he couldn’t deny.

It didn’t take long for you to feel his body shudder as released his cum into you. His hot breath tickled your neck as he nuzzled into you sweetly with your arms wrapped around his back. Trailing your fingers over his goose prickled skin you took comfort in the heat that rose from his body above you.

He laid on his side next to you, snaking his arm underneath your neck. Slowly your body relaxed as you melted into him.

He held you tightly with his strong arms and that’s when you knew he’d never let you go. He had won the chase and frankly, you couldn’t have been happier.

===

tag list: @alienthings my lovely loons 💙 & my new followers @littlestarfighter03 @chiimiki thanks so much for all of your support! annnnnnd my lovely muse @taintedcigs this was the fic I was telling you about!!

Thanks so much everyone for reading I hope you enjoyed this little Billy challenge! Reminder my requests are OPEN!

-Wyv

💙💙💙💙

#billy hargrove imagine #billy hargrove #billy hargrove x reader #billy hargrove smut #billy hargrove x female!reader #stranger things billy #stranger things billy hargrove #stranger thing billy hargrove smut

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ourlittleuluru · 18 days ago

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Voyage Of The Outcast - My Thoughts 3/4

And this is where everything starts to hit all at once. the Feels, the callbacks and references... MORE LORE!

Notes in Chp 6 - 8

I feel like this whole part, literally also a reference to Xavier himself and how he's trying to keep up his appearances whilst working behind the scenes to protect MC :v

And this part just... got emotional. The feels T^T

Again, a little nod to something from 21 Days, even though chronologically in theory, it happens later

And again, the writers reallllllly putting it right in our faces. How much MC actually just, keeps the deeper questions to themselves. As if afraid to break this delicate balance that is their relationship. Kinda harkens back to their Lightseeker days huh...

ANECDOTE 3 REFERENCEEEEE ahhhhh 😭

And it seems like some part of MC's past, the feelings are ingrained into the very soul. This happens again later. Makes me wonder if MC will eventually remember?

There goes Xavier pulling this line back out again 🥺

Kind of feels like Xavier is trying to get MC not to think too much about what once was or unknown to them. To just face forward together with him, the current him. Maybe I'm overthinking here :v;;;

Okay and then comes in Soren... SOREN YOU LITTLE D:<

But dang kudos to the VA (in CN, I'll have to listen to the EN one another time) the HUGE change in tone from the introvereted scared vice president to a Backtracker that fears no Xavier... 👌

And this line just comes in hitting me like a damn truck

Just isekai me at this point o(--(

Literal star fall in starfall forest

AND THEN LITERALLY THE SAME LINE USED IN HIS MYTH PLEASE IMMA CRY HERE 😭😭😭 (the voice line is the exact same and I can say that 100% because I had to replay it a few times during Xavier's birthday c':)

So basically... MC... experienced a part of their past?

And now we're back. To the starting point. Where it all began.

Although I don't remember Starfall forest in LS Myth ever mentioned a mirror like lake in it... but this is definitely a reference to Anecdote 3's salt flats that they saw a meteor shower at...

Are things merging in a way? Especially since this place was created from Xavier's memories (and fears). But yes, the point of returning still stands.

Now, back to Soren... again good job VA for voicing Soren so well. I wanna slap him, acting so high and mighty >:T

OKAY

another key note here. In CN, Soren specifically calls out saying that "帮你们。帮你。" instead of EN where Soren only mentions "you" aka Xavier. 你们 is the plural for 你 (you), which is to say, Soren said something more along the lines of "I used my life's work to help you all. help you. to pass through the Deepspace Tunnel to get here. " in full.

I feel this is a bit important as perhaps, he originally felt like he was part of the group which later turned sour. (Xavier did say that to Soren, the ends always justify the means so... who knows what crazy stuff this guy got up to... and then Soren also mentioned how he was abandoned, trampled, etc)

Also the fact that he changed from "help you all" to "help you"... it's like it's referencing where they find Xavier to be a traitor, noting that Xavier has used him... manipulated might be a better word... to get to this time period and caused all of them to be stranded and betraying their original mission. There's this nuance to what Soren said in CN that feels like it's a little lost in the EN line. The point still stands though! Just a little different.

But yes, he has a grudge against Xavier specifically.

So now we have identified more Backtrackers, and Soren is one of them that's still alive.

Not sure if he's Hat Guy tho... but Soren does have tech, plus knowledge and seems like a possible work partner to Ever company... hmmm But then again Hat Guy is described to be have an old voice 🤔 Doesn't sound like Soren... Maybe there's some youth potion thing that helped Soren turned younger? IDK. Speculating here at the moment

He's still most likely Hat guy, since... it would make a lil more sense story-wise, espeically if Infold ever wants to decide to rope in more plot points from stuff like WU Also Soren will DEFINITELY be coming back. !!!! IMAGINE THE POTENTIAL WAIT HOLD UP XAVIER AND JEREMIAH TEAM UP They find Soren or what is left of Soren's residence. Finds tech to finally fix Traceback II stuff like that! The possibilitiessss

Okay ngl... this part felt... how did we know Soren's evol and he's attacking Xavier's mind with it? Or is MC just refering to the illusion, aka a trick of the light?

And then Xavier's gasping just... 🥺🥺🥺🥺😭😭😭😭 Man's really suffering there

And this right here is when he breaks out of it 😭😭😭😭😭 of course it's when MC is touching and squishing his face. A gesture he knows too well

LOOK AT THE RELIEF HE FELT! IT'S WRITTEN ALL OVER HIS FACE AND 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Another part...

In CN, Xavier specifically said "不要怕", literal translation being "Don't be afraid". He's even reassuring MC at this stage even now 🥺

XAVIER YOU DO REALIZE THIS ISNT THE REAL STARFALL FOREST??? 😭 COME BACKKKKK don't sacrifice yourself over this scam!!!

Gotta love how MC wasn't lost in the moment and just be like eureka

These two are so reckless for each other 🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠

Love it but also "hate" it because...

These two are just gonna fulfill Mr Raincoat and his wishes... Guys please 🥺🥺🥺🥺

WHICH XAVIER ALMOST DID! I'm just... XAVIER PLS

And then you dare lecture us/MC, Xavier?! D':< SAME TO YOU PLEASE

This fking line is coming back to haunt me again... (┬┬﹏┬┬)

#love and deepspace #xavier love and deepspace #churambles #xavier #shen xinghui #love and deepspace spoilers #voyage of the outcast #voyage of the outcast spoiler

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saltyyuuri · 1 month ago

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🪻In another life🪻

Iso x fem! Reader

PART 2

PART 1 - PART 2 - PART 3 - PART 4 - PART 5 - PART 6 - PART 7 - PART 8 - PART 9 - PART 10

Words: 2600

Warnings: mention of blood- mild violence and mental health. It's going to be angsty. This warning is simply going to be copy pasted to all chapters

🪻🪻🪻🪻🪻🪻🪻🪻🪻🪻🪻🪻🪻🪻🪻🪻🪻

The flight back towards protocol headquarters was quiet. You were abnormally quiet, not even trying to strike up any conversation like you always did, just staring out the window, lost in thought. Of course your teammate, Iso, didn't pay no attention to your lack of chatter- it's not like he really would converse back anyways.

Even when you're back in headquarters, you kept the mission report brief and short, not over explaining anything and just keeping things as is- of course avoiding the detail that you and the omega-earth Iso had taken some time to talk. When it came to explaining what happened when you had got stuck in his ultimate, you simply said that you two fought it out, and you came out victorious.

Surprisingly no one tried to question you further even with the simple responses, just assuming you were tired or trying to get over experiencing that ultimate for the first time. Either way, you got dismissed pretty fast without further questioning. You didn't try talking to anyone else, heading straight to your dorm room and essentially locking yourself in there.

You took some time to take off your mission gear, take a good shower to try to calm yourself and relax as you could- but no matter what, you felt like you were missing something - or rather, someone.

You were already starting to miss Omega Earth's Iso, even if he wasn't like the one in your own universe. You were missing that version of him, missing how it felt so easy in the small instance where you were inside his ultimate. What felt like minutes to you in that pocket dimension was mere seconds in the real world, but you really wanted to have those seconds back another time.

Even though you knew it was wrong. You knew it was dangerous and irresponsible of you to have done that in the first place, for all you can know maybe he was just using you to try to get some Intel or get to you- and maybe you were just playing right into his plan. You know what you did was probably very stupid, but you couldn't help it.

Because you know if anyone finds out, if a word of what happened went around protocol- not only would it be embarrassing as hell, but you could also risk very big consequences from it all. It was nearly treason- acquainting with the enemy that way? You would definitely get kicked out of the team, if not killed on the spot to avoid any extra complications.

You sigh, slowly settling down on your bed as thoughts started to swarm more and more against your will. You didn't want to overthink it too much, seeing the circumstances and realizing the weight of what could have happened, your head was going haywire.

You curled yourself up under the blanket of your bed, kind of sleep off the overthinking, the pit of anxiety starting to form after what you've done. Sleep came hard and you were having a lot of trouble turning off your brain, only passing out for a few hours at a time before waking up and inevitably starting to overthink again. That cycle repeated a few times, never really checking your phone for time, and since you had blackout curtains you didn't realize what time of day even was at this point.

It was at some point when you woke up yet another time after resting for an unknown short period, someone knocked at your door. You forced yourself to get up tiredly, dragging yourself over to the door. You looked messy since you just got out of bed, but it was obvious that you weren't feeling too good nevertheless.

When you open the door, you come face to face with your friend Clove, who looked worried for you and also energetic as hell, as usual. Before you could say anything they pushed their way in to your room, shutting the door behind them. They put their hands on your shoulders and guided you back to bed to sit down, pulling out your office chair from your desk a bit further away to sit on themselves.

"What's going on?" Clove simply asked you, their elbows resting on their knees as they looked at you in concern. "What do you mean what's going on-you're the one who woke me up-" you mumbled out tiredly, emphasis put on your words the moment you stretched and yawned, trying to wake yourself up a bit more.

"It's noon, (Y/N), of course I'm going to come check up on you when you miss training and no one saw you get something to eat since you came back yesterday!" Clove said with their voice filled with concern now- they just realized that you had no idea just how long you were locked up in here, now really starting to wonder what happened during that mission.

"Noon-? Oh shit." You said as you felt yourself wake up much faster all of a sudden, immediately reaching out to grab your phone. You wanted to send a quick apology to Sova, he was usually the one to train you along with a few other agents in the morning, and Lord knew how cranky that guy could get if you missed training without advising. "Shit, Sova's going to kill me-" you mumbled out as you quickly pulled up a messaging app to send him a quick message to apologize.

Clove spoke up, shaking her head. "(Y/N), calm down, we all know Sova would never blow a fuse on you. I'm sure you could miss a whole week and the worst he'd do is grumble a bit." Clove said with a slight deadpan expression. You still sent a quick message to apologize, feeling a bit guilty nevertheless that you made some people worry. "Still. I didn't even realize what time it was myself."

Clove let silence take over for a few moments, trying to think on how they would ask their next question, knowing that you would probably try to avoid it anyways. "Did something happen during the mission?" Clove decided to go straight to the point when they asked you, and they hope that you would be honest about it.

But that question caused a spike of nervousness through you once more. You didn't want to lie to Clove- you two have made it abundantly clear to stay honest with each other. But... Knowing just how dangerous your actions could have been and knowing how bad the consequences could get, you didn't want to tell them. You were pondering your words, trying to figure out the best way to not lie to them without telling them exactly what happened.

Clove could see you trying to think on the best way to talk to them about it, and they had a feeling you would try to avoid it as much as you could. They let out a heavy sigh as they leaned back in the office chair, looking at you with concern but understanding at the same time. "Here, I'll just ask yes or no questions. If you don't want to answer, just don't answer."

You let out a small breath, knowing that yes or no questions would be a good way to avoid having any of the big information out. "Does your stress have to do with something that happened during the mission?" Clove asked first, trying to determine the bases. "Yes." You nodded along with your answer.

"Does it have to do with Iso?" Clove asked again, taking a guess that seemed the most logical. The only thing is you weren't too sure how to even answer on that one. You hesitated, trying to think of if it was a yes or no-since it wasn't fully with Iso, or at least not your earth's Iso. "...Kind of? It's complicated." You said, trying to not overspill as you spoke.

"Okay...? Is it with Omega Earth agents?" Clove tried again. This time you simply nodded, but your anxiety was starting to go up once again. "... Was there the Omega earth Iso?" Clove asked once more, and you nodded. You didn't know if you'd be able to answer any extra questions that would come from them- once again you didn't want to overshare and end up in big trouble.

"Something happened between you and Omega Earth Iso?" Clove asked once more. You felt a knot in your stomach starting to form. The questions were starting to Edge on dangerous territory and you didn't know if you should even answer this or not. But you knew your expression would be a dead giveaway anyways. "...Yes." You answer quietly, looking down at your hands that were resting on your lap.

You let out another breath, the stress of these questions were starting to make your hands sweaty and your stomach felt like it was about to get ill. "I don't want to talk about what happened." I finally said before they could ask anything else, drawing the line on the questions. This was all you were willing to tell them, that something happened, but you don't want to tell them what. "Alright. So something happened between you and Omega Earth Iso, it's obviously stressing you out but you don't want to talk about it." Clove simply confirmed, to which you nodded.

Clove took a short moment before talking again, considering their next words. Of course they were worried and also a bit hurt you didn't want to trust them with your secret- that you didn't trust them enough to talk about what happened- but they also understood that whatever happened had an impact on you. And that it was obviously stressing you if not scaring you right now.

"Well... Without necessarily telling me what happened- if you need to vent out any emotions, please don't bottle up. I know you have a tendency to get caught up in your own head, but I also understand that you don't want to talk about the situation itself." Clove said firmly, reaching out one of their hands to place on your shoulder, giving it a firm squeeze as they offered a small smile. They knew that it was a small attempt, but they also just wanted you to understand that they were there for you.

"Thank you." You said quietly, trying to not let your thoughts run once again. You were trying to figure out what your next move should be, what you could do to try to keep yourself distracted from your own mind. That solution came a bit faster than you thought- Sova texted you back pretty fast to respond to your apology for not being in training that morning.

He simply responded with 'it's okay, I understand if the mission took a lot out of you. Just tell me if you ever feel a bit better later today, we can catch it up!' and honestly, a good workout would probably do you wonders to keep your mind off things. "I think I'm going to go catch up on training, clear my head a bit." You said to Clove, slowly starting to get up from bed.

🪻🪻🪻🪻🪻🪻🪻🪻🪻🪻🪻🪻🪻🪻🪻🪻🪻

And so here you are now, currently laid on one of the benches in the training room, slowly sipping on a protein shake while you had Sova scolding you beside you, all while trying to make sure that you were doing okay. How did you end up in that situation? You forgot to eat, simple as that. You didn't eat dinner after coming back from the mission nor did you eat breakfast or lunch today. Having that in mind-you went to go train on an empty stomach.

"Seriously, (Y/N)! It's the basics of being Human- how can you simply forget to eat?" Sova scolded as he once again paced beside the bench you were laying on, his eyes darting over to you every now and then to make sure that you were drinking the protein shake. "I told you, I was really tired yesterday and I just didn't realize today-" you said once more before taking another small sip.

You had ended up passing out accidentally while jogging, doing cardio on an empty stomach and with all the stress that you had obviously wasn't a good idea but it genuinely slipped your mind. You finally finished the protein shake, taking an extra second to make sure that you were feeling okay before sitting up.

Sova stopped pacing and took a step towards you, a hand going to your back to help you sit up without forcing your body too much, just trying to make sure you were generally okay. "Easy there..." He said quietly, letting out a small sigh and holding back any extra comments. "I'm okay, I'll just get myself something to eat and take it easy." You said as you were trying to slowly get up before getting pushed right back down by Sova.

"No, you stay there and I will get you something to eat. That protein shake was just to compensate." Sova said sternly, his tone leaving no place for argument. And anything that would have been used to talk back was immediately shut off-you already felt bad that you missed your morning training so you didn't want to make it worse by talking back.

And so that's how your afternoon ended up going. Practically getting babysat by one of the top snipers of the team because he thinks you're irresponsible now. Not only did he cook you food and make sure you drank enough water for the day, he also followed you around until you finally went back to your dorm. You were a bit embarrassed, understandably so.

But, if anyone asked, he didn't specify that he was following you around for that reason, no, he let you have your dignity and he said he was simply hanging out with you. You at least were thankful for that-even though part of you didn't understand why he bothered. You two weren't that close, even though he was very friendly you didn't really hang out much with him.

There was quite a few reasons-the main one being his intimidating factor. Sure, he was very friendly to the team, but he did have a bit of an intimidating exterior. Not only that, the first times you met him was during training, and he was quite rough on agents when training. So it was just an automatic response to assume he was intimidating.

Though it has been some time since you first got hired here and you did understand that he was friendly- it was just wired in your brain that he had some authority and you didn't really want to mess around with that.

"If you feeling unwell or you forget to eat again, you better tell me. I don't want this type of incident happening again." Sova said sternly as he opened the door to your dorm for you, moving aside to let you in your own humble abode. "Yes... And sorry again." You said a bit quietly, mainly due to embarrassment from it all.

"Stop apologizing, it was a genuine mistake and it's obvious you had a rough night. Just take time to rest. And like I said, if there's anything, just ask." Sova said, giving your shoulder a pat as you walked into your dorm. He started shutting the door behind you, speaking up one last time before fully closing the door. "Good night, (Y/n)." He said in a much more gentle tone, not in that firm and scolding one.

The moment you were alone in your room, you just went about your routine. Taking a quick shower, brushing your teeth and getting ready for bed. It felt a bit automatic, your head was overloaded and you were overworked. You were hoping that after some rest that things would start placing themselves a bit, and that hopefully you would stop stressing so much about the incident between you and omega-earth Iso.

#valorant #valorant fanfiction #valorant x reader #fem reader #iso #iso valorant #valorant iso #iso x reader

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schizosupport · 5 months ago

Note

this is going to be very long and rambly, i apologize. you can answer any, all, or no parts of it, i guess i just really need to blurt it all out to *someone*

for the past 3 or 4 years, ive been having mild (?) transient stress related psychotic symptoms. i suspect i have a cluster b pd which could possibly cover that

at first it was mostly paranoia i think ? usually the standard "theyre out to get me" type thoughts, both with people i knew and nebulous entities i couldnt define. it doesnt happen too frequently, but it seems to have gotten worse with time. this past fall / winter was especially bad bc i was already doing poorly mental health wise and was very isolated. a lot of the thoughts are still paranoia based, but some lean more towards delusions now (e.g. being afraid of the music i left to play from my phone speakers bc i felt it was hunting me down) as well as some that are fully bizarre (e.g. believing that ive been an angel stuck inside a human body my whole life, thinking theres a force field around my apartment thats keeping me stuck inside). for a while there was also this... pervasive sense of unreality almost ? like i would get frustrated that things werent operating on dream logic, or have difficulty differentiating dreams and reality in general. for the past couple months since then, ive had pretty much no issues

i always retain Some grasp on reality, whether its full on double booking or a vague sense of "something is wrong with me right now", which is enough for me to hide away from people and try to calm myself down and ground myself back to reality (... can you even do that with "real" delusions ? talk yourself out of them ?). the symptoms only last a few hours "at their peak", though the unsteady / unreality feeling may stick around for days or weeks surrounding that. im still able to be mostly functional for that part though. as such, nobody knows about any of this.

i just. i dont know. i dont have a therapist (i need one). im too afraid telling my friends will change their views on me irreparably even though they too struggle with (other) deeply stigmatized mental health issues. ive spent a lot of my childhood being called insane and incapable and i dont want it to happen again after ive finally found people that respect me. im worried ill have a full on psychotic break at some point (what the hell counts as "a break" ? can i call what ive been through "episodes" ?), or lose my ability to double book, or display symptoms in front of people i know. i just dont know what to do so im. spilling it out all here. so someone at all besides me knows

-- elias

Hey there,

Sorry it took me a while to get back to you.

It definitely sounds to me like you are experiencing some level of psychotic symtoms, and it sounds like it's causing you significant distress. You asked whether you can "talk yourself out of" a "real delusion" - and well, not as such, until the delusion passes, but they can be more or less long-lived and come with more or less insight.

The types of episode that only last a couple hours at full intensity are sometimes referred to as micropsychoses. When people talk about "a psychotic episode" it usually refers to a prolonged loss of reality that may last days, weeks or even months. But plenty of people on the schizo- and psychosis spectrum don't experience full-blown psychotic episodes. That doesn't make their psychosis un-serious, and it also isn't a given that these people will go on to develop worse psychotic symptoms.

I think one of the reasons the diagnosis of schizotypal exists, is because we needed to acknowledge that not every person's endpoint on the schizo-spectrum is schizophrenia, but that doesn't mean that their experience doesn't come with distress or disability.

I think you could try to do a vibe check with your friends to see how they react to the concept of psychosis and psychotic disorders. If they seem cool, then you could try to bring up your own experiences. It might be nice to be able to talk about those things, and get to experience that it doesn't have to be the end of the world, and not everyone will judge you for it.

I hope you all the best, anon!!

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honey-flustered · 2 years ago

Text

Cruel Little Vixen 7

Rockstar!Eddie Munson x Journalist!Reader

Summary: The universe continues to teach you and Eddie some important lessons. Tensions rise when the world becomes aware of the rockstar’s girl. And top it all off, you and Eddie are forced to make an important decision regarding your relationship.

NO READ MORE LINE BREAK ADDED DUE TO GLITCH

A/N: It’s been a tough ass road, but I’m back. I’ve experienced challenges with the last two parts of my story being deleted and having to start over, my mental health’s hung by a fucking thread, I’ve been anxious to post because I feel like my work’s not good enough but ya know what I love writing and it keeps me happy! The series is coming to an end. Just one more part (tried making this the last one but the ending’s too damn long). I cannot wait to finish this because I’ve had so many fic ideas I’ve been meaning to share. I wanna complete requests and ask for some of yall ideas or whatever. I just want to have some fun with this. Any this chapter’s filled with slight rom com elements and tropes. It’s definitely a healing experience for both reader and Eddie. Especially Eddie. It’s a wild ride so please enjoy! Also Happy New Years! 🥳

>>>>>Series Masterlist Part 7 of 8

Word Count: 10.8k

Warnings: overload of fluff and 🌽, heavy flirting, idiots in love, airplane jokes, some angst, brief blood and violence, talks of negligent parents and juvenile detention, hinted abuse of a minor character, smutty smut, kissing/making out, fingering, squirting, handjob, light dirty talk, nipple play, mile high club activities, graphic language, Eddie loves drinking his respect women juice

2 years ago…

“We’re Corroded Coffin and we’re the band your parents wished you never listened to! 2, 3, 4!” Eddie shouts into the mic, counting in time to Gareth’s drumstick taps. The drums to Aerosmith’s “Walk This Way” are the first to make its noise before the familiar guitar riff picks up after it.

Then, he sings and the crowd’s loving it.

The former nightclub bartender and now manager of Corroded Coffin, Eugene Neds, spotted great potential in the enigma that was Eddie Munson that night. In a band of 19-year-olds passing off as 21 to perform at a venue much too risqué for kids their age, the man only had eyes for the lead guitarist/singer. Eddie was going to be a star, he was sure of it. Eugene just needed to make sure that he would be the one to make it happen.

The music cuts abruptly. “Hey, asshole! Leave her the fuck alone, alright.” Eddie shouts on the mic, pointing over at the bar. The spotlight lands on the inebriated giant of a man towering over a visibly uncomfortable woman.

“Why don’t you mind your goddamn business?” The large man slurs.

“I’m not so sure it’s your business either, man. She wants absolutely nothing to do with you.” Eddie hops off stage, approaching the man as if he were David in Goliath’s presence.

At that moment, Eddie realized he was tired of running, tired of bullies, and tired of being picked on for being different. Those days have been laid to rest along with all his grievances of high school. The man had since gained the grit needed to face danger head on. It was the day he reclaimed the title, ‘The Freak’.

“You looking for a fight, little guy?” The large man attempts to intimidate, towering over him.

“Well, if you won’t leave her alone…then yes…I am looking for a fight.” Eddie stares daggers up at the man.

Not a second longer, the man’s fist connects with Eddie’s jaw, sending him back against a table with a few glasses being knocked over. Eddie’s wild hair covers over his face. He swipes a thumb over his lips. Blood. Blood that was now seeping from his mouth. The room is quiet, not a peep. But then the sound of laughter. It was manic. Wicked. And craziest of all, it wasn’t coming from the man who’d thrown the first punch.

It was the enigma himself.

So this was what it felt like to be punched? To taste blood? To stand up and fight instead of running? To laugh in the face of danger. And it felt so good.

The metalhead looks up at the giant man. His teeth, bloodied red. A terrifying smile of nightmares. He stands planted on his two feet again.

“You want some more, freak?” The large man says, swinging a fist in the air once again only this time Eddie swiftly ducks out the way. He surges forward at the large man, full speed, sliding from under him so that he is now right behind the man.

Eddie quickly climbs on top of the bar table. “You’re not so big from where I’m standing,” He quips then points at the liquor hose in the bartender’s hands. “Hey, could I borrow that?”

The bartender hands it over. Holding the nozzle over the giant man’s head, Eddie's famous smirk is the only warning. The man could barely register what was going on before the trigger’s pulled, beer spraying and trickling down his head.

The large man was now wet and red with anger. Eddie makes no haste with his next move, spatting blood in the bully’s face and uppercutting him with a kick to his chin. The large man goes down with a loud thud. The room is in an uproar of applause and thus the beer dumping incident became a fan favorite legend. To this day, fans of Corroded Coffin pay homage at concerts, dumping cans of beer on their heads.

The band was soon tossed out of the venue that night and although Eddie’s friends had sung their praises, he couldn’t help but to feel guilty having ruined their biggest gig.

Then, he was approached by that very bartender on his way back to his van. The one who’d soon change the trajectory of his life. The one that promised a life of glitters and gold. Eugene Neds had sold Eddie a dream. A dream that was disguised as a lending hand to the young man.

“I can make Corroded Coffin a household name.” He says, holding out a business card.

A former manager of countless failed bands, Eugene was convinced he’d finally found the kind of talent that would free him of the depressing bore of a penniless 9 to 5. Eddie Munson would be his project. His success story of taking a teenage dirtbag with the attitude and skills and molding him into a sex symbol. Thus creating ‘Francis The Freak’.

But then… YOU came along. The rockstar’s undoing. You were tearing down the walls that were so perfectly built.

Mr. Neds calls it: You’ll be the end of Eddie and his band. The only form of control Mr. Neds has now would be keeping your relationship with Eddie under wraps. He’ll be patient, though. He knows this couldn’t possibly last between you two. Certainly, you were just another pair of legs that captured his short attention span until he eventually got bored.

Mr. Neds snaps out of his thoughts at the sounds of your giggling, eyes looking at the rearview mirror from his seat on the tour bus. You and Eddie were cozied up in the back, him showing you some scars.

“So, that explains the NPC-like behavior of your fans dumping beers on their heads or asking you to spit on them,” You deduce. “I’m glad to be in the know. This’ll be great tying that into my last article.”

“Did you really say NPC? As in Non-Player Character? You little nerd, am I rubbing off on you?” Eddie teases, poking your tummy.

“Hey, I know things.” You laugh, poking him back. “But you shouldn’t solve everything with fists. I’ve never known you to be a fighter.”

“I’m a lover, but I’m no pacifist.”

“You, a lover?”

“Mhm, want me to demonstrate?” His mouth attacks your neck, you squeal in delight.

So lost in each other, you couldn’t have noticed the manager’s demands to the driver to halt the bus. He had grown more and more frustrated at the sight of you and Eddie being so close. He decidedly gets out of his seat, walking down the aisle past the bandmates who could immediately sense something about to go down but all they could do was follow with their eyes as the manager made his way over to you.

“Y/n, Eddie…I’ll need you to test a theory for me. Stand beside one another.” The manager demands, breaking your moment together.

“What’s your point?” Eddie asks, squinting his eyes.

“We need to make sure that you both won’t look so ‘friendly’ with one another,” The manager explains. “The media are bloodhounds. One whiff of the hormones circulating between you would send them into a frenzy and next thing ya know you’re on the cover of yet another magazine.”

“Are you suggesting that the chemistry between us is so intense that remotely standing beside each other would give us away?” You ask, incredulously.

“Precisely.”

“Are you familiar with the term ‘delusional’?” You question rhetorically, causing Eddie to chuckle.

“Not delusional. Perceptive.”

“You weren’t very ‘perceptive’ when Eddie and I got together.” You smirk.

“I’ve suspected. I just chose to ignore it. It only became too difficult to deny when the two of you became sloppy with it.” Mr. Neds scoffs.

“We can totally stand beside each other without being ‘friendly’.” Eddie defends.

“Oh, is that so?” Mr. Neds asks, mockingly. “Because right now, right before my eyes, I see you and Eddie sat extremely close on this loveseat with his hand caressing your thigh…and he doesn’t even know he’s doing it.”

Eddie’s eyes widened, looking down at the hand that graced your supple skin lovingly. The two of you jump apart as if burned by the other.

“See what I mean,” Mr. Neds lets out a dry laugh. “Now please stand. Both of you.”

“Fine.” You and Eddie mutter in unison.

Standing up at once, your arms knock against each other’s. Your eyes trained at the contact and how close in proximity you both were. You blush, eyes on him. He notices your flustered state, smirking down at you.

“Jesus Christ.” Mr. Neds rubs at his temple, letting out an exasperated sigh.

“Oh, they’ve got it bad.” Mel says as he walks in biting nonchalantly into an apple.

“It’s worse than I thought,” The manager groans. “You’re like magnets! You’ll need to stand at least 7 feet apart.”

“7 feet?! How the hell am I supposed to interview and complete my article from 7 feet away?” You argue.

“Anything is possible.” Mr. Neds answers.

“You’re being a real pain in the ass, Eugene.” Eddie says to the 40-something man.

“Welcome to my world,” He retorts. “If 7 feet’s such a big deal then I’ll be reasonable. 5 feet. No more negotiations.”

“This is so stupid.” Eddie shakes his head.

“Don’t be so upset, brother. They say distance makes the heart grow fonder or some bullshit like that. It could actually be quite romantic.” Mel chimes in.

“Mel…get the hell outta here.” Eddie and Mr. Neds sneers together.

Mel exits, a middle finger up in the air while the other brings the apple to his lips.

“Now if we’re going to work together and keep the peace,” The manager begins. “We need to do this my way. No, ‘ands’, ‘ifs’, or ‘buts’ about it. We’ll be at the airport to catch a plane to New York soon so—.”

“Whoa,” Eddie interrupts. “I thought we were going back home?”

“Well, I’ve booked a performance for Corroded Coffin to attend. It was an offer that I couldn’t refuse. A Holiday Parade! And it won’t just be televised in Hawkins like you’re used to. It’ll be all over America. No worries about rehearsals either. Just do everything exactly how you did at Mantra��esque. Ever since that performance, word’s been traveling about the new hot band in town. You’ll have an interview with the hosts of the parade right after so please be on your best behavior.”

“Why am I just now hearing about this?” Eddie’s voice raises.

“Well, you would’ve heard about it along with the boys if you hadn’t snuck out last night.”

“I have even caught my breath yet, man.”

“You had countless nights to rest. You spent them sneaking around with your…girlfriend. Eddie, I only ever want what’s best for you. If I hadn’t discovered you, where do you think you would’ve been?” Mr. Neds rests a heavy hand on Eddie’s shoulder. A visual much akin to that of a demon resting on gullible shoulders, pleading for their victim to sign away his rights. “You would have still been living in that shitty trailer park while your uncle picked up 12 and 16 hour shifts just to keep a roof over your heads. Remember, you’re not doing this for yourself. This is survival. You understand I only mean well…do you?”

Eddie’s jaw clenches, a quick nod.

“I knew you would. It’s nothing personal, kid. It’s just what they call ‘business as usual’. It’ll only be for a few more days and then you could enjoy all the time you need in Hawkins before the next tour.” The manager pats his back before making his way back up front to inform the driver to get back on track.

Sitting back on the little loveseat, you climb into Eddie’s lap while your arms wrapped around his neck for a hug. “He shouldn’t be allowed to speak to you that way.”

“He’s right, though.” Eddie huffs, caressing your back.

You felt yourself becoming angry for him, pulling away to look him in the eye. “He’s wrong. With or without him, you could do anything. Anyone could’ve seen that light in you. I have. You’ve got something special and no fucking manager could take that away from you, okay.”

Eddie’s stoic expression softens into a warm smile. “Look at you being all protective. Making you my girlfriend’s made you all soft.” He chuckles.

“No one messes with my man,” You shrugged with a smile. “He talks to you like that again and I’ll knock him down a peg or two.”

“That’s very cute,” He kisses the space between your eyebrows. “But you don’t have to defend me, ya know. I’m a big boy.”

“What? You think I couldn’t do it or something?” You ball your fists into your sides.

“Oh, no. My hesitancy is more concerned with how badly you’ll hurt his ego. I still need the man to be able to stand on his two feet if he’s getting this band going.” Eddie jokes.

“But…i-is that what you want? To keep this going?” You asked, twiddling with your thumbs.

“Yeah. Why wouldn’t I?”

“What about taking a break? You’re going to perform in New York then you’ve got Europe in a week or so. It just seems like a lot.”

“It does seem like a lot. But if I have you beside me, it wouldn’t be so bad,” He catches himself. “In New York, I mean.”

Eddie made sure to include that last part not wanting the inevitable conversation to be brought up. Eventually, it will. As you’ve mentioned, the tour for Europe is approaching. The next time you’ll see each other again wouldn’t probably be for another 6 months. Maybe more. But what really affected him was the idea that you wouldn't think to consider going on tour with him. Especially since a little before bed last night, Eddie had asked you a question that tested everything between you two and all you could do was ignore it and say your goodnight.

“You want me to go to New York with you?” You asked.

He shrugs, shyly. “Well, yeah. I thought it was obvious. You’re fine to say ‘no’.” That response was meant for both situations: New York and Europe.

You take a deep breath. “Okay. I’ll go with you…” Eddie’s eyes lit up until you finished the last part of your sentence. “…to New York.”

“Y-yeah,” He clears his throat then echoes. “To New York.”

————

It was greatly in your favor that Eddie’s manager had decided to keep up with his “5 feet apart” rule, sitting you in separate seats across the aisle from one another. Why? Because you couldn’t bring yourself to talk about “the inevitable conversation”. Eventually…you’ll give your answer. Just not now. Not when things are going so well between you two.

You bury your head in your journal not exactly writing anything of importance, simply scribbling away to keep yourself from wondering if he was looking at you. But curiosity gets the best of you, so you peek up from your journal and catch Eddie’s eyes on you, too. You both look away at once, you resume your doodling nervously.

When you went to look over your shoulder this time, Eddie made a face silly enough to make you giggle and roll your eyes. He points at the journal in your hand, gesturing you to slide it over. You check your surroundings to make sure no one’s looking before doing so.

You waited as he proceeded to write something down. Then, he turned the journal to face you. In big letters: “Hi.”

You smile, waving and mouthing a “Hi” back.

He writes something down again and turns it over to face you. “Writing you here so Neds doesn’t try to listen in.”

You nod to confirm that you understand.

He writes. “What were you writing about?”

He could’ve turned the page to see exactly that but he didn’t wish to invade your privacy. You do the honors. Turning the page to which you scribbled different drawing variations of his name. You’re a little embarrassed to show him that he’s all you’ve been thinking about. But then he smiles eager to show you what he’d been reading.

He holds up his book, opening it to the page where his thumb held it open and reveals a polaroid photo of you looking up at him and him, down at you on the Manta•esque stage. This was his way of letting you know he’s thinking about you, too.

You smiled, writing him back. “How’d you get that?”

“Junie.”

“The camera guy?”

“Yep. Begged him to take at least one picture of you for me. It’s my favorite. I was going to share it with you but, selfishly, I want to keep it for myself.”

Is this really the same guy I met in that dressing room some weeks ago?

“Lovely view we have up here.” He writes.

You shoot him deadpan stare, not amused by the airplane joke. He tugs at the collar of his shirt in feigned nervousness before gesturing for the journal again. He writes. “Okay, I can see how that aviation joke went over your head.”

Still unamused. You wrote back. “I really appreciate corny jokes but these are just painfully bad.”

“Are you saying my jokes didn’t…land?”

“Please stop. If you’re going to tell airplane jokes, at least tell the Wright ones.”

Now he’s the one to look at you unamused and confused.

You scribbled quickly to explain yourself. “Get it? Wright. Like the Wright brothers. The first ones to fly an airplane?”

“Sorry, but your knowledge of world history is lost on me. I failed that class miserably.”

“I guess you can say it went over your head.”

“You can’t just repeat my joke. Joke stealing’s no laughing matter.”

Okay, that tickled you a bit. Smiling to yourself, you hadn’t realized Eddie passing you the notebook once again, until you felt the pages brush your arm.

“Think you can meet me in the restroom in 5?”

You scoff out loud. “I hope you're not thinking about what I think you’re thinking about.”

“I wanna talk.” He simply writes.

How could three words be so frightening? So ominous? Your heart pounds hard, daring to jump out of your chest.

“Are we not talking now? What would you need to talk about that can’t be said here?”

You anticipated his reply. Leaning over your seat, trying to peek but more so averting your eyes. You mindlessly picked at the skin around your fingernails, nerves getting the best of you.

With a solemn face, he holds out the journal to you. You meet his eyes then down at his hands, hesitating to reach for the book. The regretful look on Eddie’s face gave away that he was second guessing what he’d written down. When your fingertips grazes it, it falls out of his hand with an audible slap to the ground.

The two of you scramble to reach for it, kneeling down. Your hands accidentally touch in the attempt to take the book for yourselves. Instead of pulling away, you both ceased your frantic movements. Eddie’s thumb caressing the palm of your hand. You focus on this action then look into his big brown eyes.

The bing of the attendant assistance button pulls you out of the trance. Taking the notebook, you stand on your two feet and hug it to your chest. With a stern nod of confirmation, you stride your way down the first class aisle towards the restroom.

You shut the door behind, back rested against it as you let out a breath you weren’t aware you were holding. Eyes closed, you peel the notebook away from you. Your hands are outstretched in front of you and when you were sure it was directly in your field of vision, you opened your eyes and read.

“Europe.”

So it began. The inevitable conversation. There’s rhythmic knock and you were sure it was him, stepping away from the door and facing it. He opens it enough to let him slide through before he closing it behind him quietly.

“Hi.” He breathes out.

“Hi.” You say in quick breath as if you were scared to breathe at all.

“I guess you read the note.”

You don’t say a word, nodding tentatively.

“Y/n, I—“

“Why’re you calling me that?” You interrupt.

“You mean…your first… name?” He says, eyes squinting in confusion.

“Yeah. You usually call me some stupid pet name. What are we on first name bases now?”

“I thought you didn’t like it?” His eyebrow raises.

“It’s grown on me.” Your face grows hot as you cross your arms defensively over your chest. “Besides, do you just call me those names simply because I don’t like it.”

“At first, yeah. But I do it now because I like you.”

Your face grows even hotter, hoping he doesn’t see the effect he has on you right now. You should be upset, girl! “So, what gives? Why aren’t you calling me a vixen or a babe or whatever the fuck?”

“I just figured it’d be more appropriate for what I’ve got to say,” He explains before taking a deep breath. “I’d like to---”

You couldn’t bring yourself to hear much more of it. Okay. So he wants to talk about the tour in Europe? What exactly does he want from you? You couldn’t possibly give him an answer he’d be happy to hear.

“I’m sorry,” You cut him off again. “I didn’t want to talk about it. I wanted to forget. To pretend that there was no tour so that I can enjoy being in the present, being with you. But now I know that sometimes…it’s okay to face the inevitable. So…I think I’m ready now.”

“You’re ready?” He says, eyes shimmering despite the dimly lit environment.

“Yes,” You confirmed, lowering your head to keep him from seeing your tears. “I know what you’re going to say. And you’re right. We should break up and—”

“What the hell are you talking about? I never mentioned breaking up. I hadn’t mentioned much at all since you kept interrupting.”

“You didn’t need to mention it. The signs are all there.”

“Really? Because I’m trying to see them for myself. They must be—I don’t know—invisible. Nonexistent.”

“You can’t possibly think I can just throw my career away to be some groupie for you.”

“You make it sound like it’s a bad thing.” He jokes.

You roll your eyes. “I can’t go on that tour with you, Eddie. I have my dream and you have yours. I can’t put my work on the line when I’ve gotten this far.”

“So long distance not a thing?”

“I couldn’t do that to you. It wouldn’t be right. You’re gonna be a star. You’ll meet plenty of women who’d want you. I don’t want to hold you back. I just won’t do it. You deserve to be free to be with whoever you want.”

“You’re un-fucking-believable, Y/n,” He towers over you. “You have no right to make these decisions for me. That’s for me to decide. I’m tired of people telling me what to do, how to feel, what to think. I may not be the brightest but I’m not stupid. What about what I want?”

“What do you want?!”

“You, woman! I want you!”

“If you want me because you think I’ll be this doting girlfriend of your dreams who’s at your side at all times, who ‘sits down and shuts up’, constantly obeying your wishes; I am not that kind of girl.”

“Okay.” He shrugs, demeanor cool and collected.

“Okay? As in…”

“Okay, as in ‘I’m not asking you to be the girl of my dreams’. You already are, goddamn it. As stubborn, self-righteous and bitchy as you can be, I admire every part of you. Good or bad. I want you to have control over your own decisions and be unfiltered as you are. But sometimes, you do need to learn when to shut the hell up and listen to what I’m trying to tell you.”

You began to seethe at his words, opening your mouth to protest only for him to put his palm over it. He shushes you, his free hand putting a finger to his lips. “I’m gonna remove my hand now. You’ll be quiet, right?” He searches your glass-like eyes. You nod slowly, your stare holding sincerity.

“Good girl,” He praises, pulling his hand away. He straightens his composure as if to prepare himself for his own news. “I won’t be going on tour. I’ll follow you.”

Now you’re shaking your head at him. “No. You couldn’t. This is your chance!”

“There’ll be plenty of tours in the future. We can have time for each other until then. Get to know each other well enough so that you’ll start to believe me when I say there’s no one else I’d want besides you.”

Your eyes, the size of saucers. “Are you out of your fucking mind?! I would never ask you to do something like that.”

“That’s the thing. It’s my choice. I’m practicing this thing called ‘autonomy’. It’s quite refreshing actually.”

“It’s stupid!”

“That’s just your opinion.”

“It’s 100% fact,” You notice him approaching you slowly and closely. He’s got that devilish grin playing on his lips. “Stay away from me. 5 feet apart, remember?”

You place a hand on his chest, stopping any attempt for him to move further. He looks down at your shaky hand. He knows it’s futile, so he laughs. “We followin’ rules now?”

“I said, stay the fuck away, Munson.” You squeaked.

“That doesn’t sound very confident,” He chuckles darkly. “You sure you want me to stay away?”

You let out a shaky breath. He bites his lip. This shouldn’t excite him as much as it did, but he was HARD. And it didn’t help that the turbulence brought his attention to your full breasts bouncing temptingly in his gaze. Even covered by your scantily clad tank top, it was see-through enough to leave little to the imagination. He grasps your wrist, pulling your hand off his chest to hold.

He knew exactly how to push your buttons. You hate to admit it, but you were turned on, too. The wetness pooling in your underwear was undeniable.

“I think you like it when I’m this close,” He lets go of your wrist, testing the waters and taking another step. This time you don’t stop him. “I’m sure you remember the way I make you feel when my hand is between your legs.”

“Eddie…” You pleaded.

“You know what else I think, you wanted me to follow you the whole time. Is that why you ask if I wanted to keep the tour going? Why you’ve made me wait hand and foot for an answer? So, you can break me.”

“Not true.” You whimpered.

“Then, you manipulate me into thinking I’m breaking up with you,” He laughs incredulously. “Tsk, tsk, tsk, little vixen. I thought you were better than that,” His fingers coil around your neck tight, but not tight enough to cut off any air circulation. “But you couldn’t get rid of me that easily. Even if you were to leave me right now, you wouldn’t be able to forget me. You’d still feel me here.”

He cups your mound and your mouth drops, knowing that your cover was blown. You were sure that he’d feel you soaking your underwear. It was a blessing and a curse that you decided to wear a skirt today.

“We shouldn’t.” You gasped as he squeezed you down there enough to feel his rings digging into your cotton panties.

Oh yes, we should!

His lips ghosts over the shell of your ear. “You’ve broken me, kitten. Now’s my turn to break you.”

“Let me go.” You whispered weakly.

“You just don’t get it, do you?” He says, tone rich and deep. “There is no letting you go. You’d think I’d ever let another man touch you like this.”

He rolls a thumb over your nipple, perked up for him to tend to. A small moan escapes your lips, causing you to bite them in an attempt to cease any more sounds.

“I couldn’t even begin to imagine someone else hearing those pretty sounds eaving your lips,” With the hand still cupping your face, he swipes his thumb over your full lips and caresses the slightly-healed scar. “Couldn’t even bring myself to use your moans in my songs cause they’re meant for my ears only.”

“How do you think I feel? I get nauseous just imagining you with another girl,” You admit, eyes staring up in hopeless surrender to him. You grow as intensely possessive as him. Your bodies are so close, chests flushed together. Nails digging into his shoulders, you lay a desperate kiss on his lips that makes him feral. “I’m not usually the jealous type but I want you all to myself.”

“You have me.” He whispers, biting down on your soft bottom lip as he cups your butt and guides you to straddle his thigh. Slipping your panties to the side, he presses his thigh into your now exposed core. You knew exactly what he wanted, grinding against the fabric of his jeans. The rough material of the denim against your clit was a delicious surprise to you.

Eddie slips his tongue into your mouth and you immediately suck on the appendage. It felt like you were so in sync with the rhythm of your bodies. Your moans into the kiss competing with one another.

You loved when you got to hear the effect you had on him even without him being inside you. Your hands travel down to the dip in his back, pulling him closer (if it were even possible to be closer than you already were).

You ride his thigh, foreheads against one another and eyes locked. Noticing the erection straining against his jeans, you palm and squeeze it. He thrusts into your hand, pursuing further contact. The two of you work to unbutton his jeans, lowering the zipper until the pants loosened enough. Spitting into your hands, you dip it past the spandex of his boxers and free him of his restraints. You jerk him in your hands at the same tempo you moved your hips against him.

“I don’t want anyone else to touch you like this,” You pant. “Wanna be the only one.”

“I don’t want anyone else hearing how amazing you look you cum,” Removing his thigh away from between your legs, he shoves two thick fingers into you. You gasp which then melds into a moan at the feeling of being stretched so suddenly. Your eyes roll to the back of your head until Eddie snaps you out of it, gripping your chin and forcing you to face him again. “Eyes on me, little vixen.”

The feeling of his fingers, which were perfectly long enough to hit depths that even your own fingers couldn’t reach, drove you into a level of high you were scared to reach for. You tug his cock harder, faster in your hand and feel the precum coat your fingers with added lubrication.

Your stares grew intensely along with the sounds of your heavy breathing. You were getting lightheaded, knowing that the end was soon approaching.

“Want you inside me.” You begged, not caring enough that you were in an airplane restroom.

“Unh…fuck…not here,” He grunts. “Next time I fuck you will be at my place, in my bed so my sheets could smell like you.”

He wiggles a finger in you, teasing the sensitive trigger. His fingers are shot out of you and you’re squirting before you could even recognize that you’ve come.

“Holy shit, holy shit!” You squeal, vision going white. You convulse under him, hearing him groan and the familiar sticky feeling of his essence running in your hands.

You both cling onto each other moments after, his head to your chest feeling your heart beating erratically. When Eddie finally peels off of you, your body grows cold mourning the loss of his warmth. He cleans the two of you up, taking his time, cleaning between your legs and running a wet paper towel on the palms of your coated hands. He wordlessly watches your eyes tracking his hands, before placing a kiss to your now spotless fingers.

“You ready to go out there?” He asks.

“Could we walk out together?” You curl an arm around his, batting your lashes. You know it’s a risky thing to ask.

“Sure, babe.” A big warm smile plastered on his face.

When he feels as if you’re ready, he gives you a reassuring look before unlocking the door and stepping out. Undeniably, you were sure there would be eyes on you. So, releasing a breath, you walk down the aisle hand in hand with your heads high, ignoring the hushed whispers between passengers.

As the two of you approach the section where Corroded Coffin‘s seated, Mr. Neds looks back furiously in contrast to your blissed out states.

Instead of sitting in his “assigned” seat, Eddie sits beside you, putting an arm around you and smirking at the manager.

“Something wrong…Eugene?” Eddie mocks.

“Really? In the restroom? Are you forgetting we have 15 other passengers with us in a section small enough to hear someone’s heartbeat?” He replies through gritted teeth.

“She was quiet enough. As much as she could, anyway.”

“You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?”

“Very.”

“I’ll enjoy myself, too, someday. Currently, I’m thinking of how great that tour in Europe will be for you. It's a shame Y/n’s decided she won’t be joining us, though.” Mr.Neds says sarcastically.

“Don’t be surprised if that tour has no effect on me whatsoever. Almost like I’m not there.” Eddie retorts.

The two of them exchanged heated glares at one another. You sigh, sinking down in your seat.

————

It took longer than expected to arrive due to the weather conditions. A day and some hours and about 2 plane transfers to be concise. By the time you’d touchdown, it was practically evening but you couldn’t wait to get off the plane. You’ve never been to New York but you and Chrissy have talked about one day moving there together to make names for yourselves.

Despite Eddie clearly being exhausted from all the performances and trips, your joy rubbed off on him and soon he was just as determined to explore the big city as you.

Entering the terminal, you rush up to the big glass windows to stare out at the bustling streets. It’s really cold but no snowfall just yet.

You felt Eddie’s body pressed up against you, shivering enough to make you shake along with him.

“You okay, Eds?”

“Not really. I’m not dressed for this kind of weather. Guess fashionably torn shirts and tight jeans just aren't enough.My only saving grace is my leather jacket.”

You felt more bodies lean into you for warmth. The boys in the band huddling for warmth since you're the only one sporting a faux fleece coat.

“Hey! She’s off limits.” Eddie growls.

“Aw, come on, bruv. I’m practically naked in this top.” Judas says, pressing hard into your shoulder.

“Yeah, sharing’s caring.” Mel chimes in.

“If there’s anything you fuckers should know about me is that I don’t like sharing.” Eddie says pulling you into his body only for the men to follow after.

“Can’t we all just go shopping and get you all some decent clothing? Not rockstar-related?” You say, voice strained from being crushed between them.

“Being a star means sacrificing comfort for style.” Mr. Neds answers.

“That isn’t fair,” You protest. “You wouldn’t want them catching colds before their performances, would you? They need warm clothes.”

Mr. Neds stares you down then up at the boys who defensively reciprocated hostile stares at him.

“Fine. The new tour bus is awaiting us outside. We need to board it quickly or else—“

“Oh my god! It’s Corroded Coffin!” A voice rings through the terminal and soon all eyes around the terminal land on your group. There’s a beat of silence before screams and heavy thuds of feet fill the air. The fans sprint determinedly towards you.

Security immediately pushes you all outside of the terminal, blocking an entrance. The doors of another unmanned entrance burst open as floods of people come crashing through, running towards the tour bus.

You were paralyzed, shocked by the amount of people rushing over until you felt a hand take yours and tug you inside the bus. Another group of bodyguards standing between the doors to keep the crowd from hopping on top of the large vehicle. As best as they could the 4 bodyguards shoo away the crowd before hopping in and the driver quickly pulls off. Everyone on the bus, panting from the exertion of escaping.

“Look at that! Just a small town band, now your name’s being heard in even more places. Told you I’d make Corroded Coffin a household name.” Mr. Neds says proudly.

You exchanged a look with Eddie, who groaned at the manager’s lack of awareness. With stardom came lack of privacy. You felt a foreboding feeling that somehow your privacy would be compromised as well.

—————

“What do you think of this?” Eddie steps out of the dressing room, a man disguised. His outfit consisted of some light gray sweatpants, white kicks, and a basic white long sleeve shirt under his leather jacket. To top it off, his signature wilf curls had been stuffed into his black skully hat for better effect.

“You look great but wouldn’t you want to dress in coordination with your band?” You inquire.

Eddie’s bandmates had done the opposite of dressing casually. Going for the flashiest, expensive clothing.

“Nah, they’ll just end up getting us chased again,” Eddie laughs before looking over his shoulders then whispering. “I’m thinking we ditch ‘em.”

“Eddie…” You began but then suddenly you felt like you were in the mood for an adventure. “Know what…I’m ready for anything. What’d you have in mind?”

He’s taken aback. “The good girl’s looking for trouble?”

“I don’t have to look far. You’re the embodiment of it.” You tease.

“Correct as always, my dear.” He says in a silly posh accent, taking your hand and guiding you to sneak past the guards.

Then, you hear the sound of Eddie’s manager yelling from behind you. “Stop those two!”

You turn to your boyfriend, eyes wide. “Run.”

Next thing you knew, you’re both gunning it out the shopping mall, the bodyguards close behind.

To anyone on the outside, you were simply a rowdy couple caught doing something bad enough to be chased by men in black. After a couple twists and turns around the corner and a few “watch where ya goings”, Eddie leads you down the stairs of a subway station. You were sure you’d lost them until you saw them treading down the stairs a few seconds after.

Eddie pulls out a subway card from his pocket.

“Where’d you get that?” You questioned, panting as you ran.

“I swiped it off one of the guards,” Eddie laughs, also panting. “My dad was a pro pickpocketer.”

“We’ll need to unpack that sometime.”

Swiping the card in the machine, Eddie pushes through the turnstiles but when he swipes the card for your entrance, an error message shows up explaining that you have to wait at least 3 minutes for the next swipe. After a couple tries of the turnstiles not budging, you look over your shoulder and notice the guards closing in.

“What do I do?” You panic.

“Jump over!” He holds out his arms.

Grabbing either side of the gate, you hop over the turnstiles and into his arms just as the men reached you. The two of you resume running, this time having some distance from the guards.

As if your prayers had been answered, a train makes its stop at your station. Rushing in, you and Eddie gloat at the approaching bodyguards as the doors shut and the train pulls away. Clinging to the hand rail above you, you both pant in exhaustion which quickly morphed into laughter.

“You’re a bad influence.” You tease, hitting his shoulder lightly.

“You love it.” He retorts.

The words “you” and “love” in the same sentence. It is so strange that you hung onto them at this moment like they had any meaning outside of its context. But what would it be like to hear those words in a different arrangement? One where it felt more of a confession rather than a dismissive play on words.

Your hand slips caused by the jutting train, sending you out of your thoughts and straight into Eddie’s free arm.

“Geez, kitten. If you wanted a hug, you could’ve just asked,” He jokes. “You don’t have to throw yourself at me.”

Wrapping your arms around his waist, you squeeze tight, cheeks squished against his chest. “I could use one.”

He melts into your embrace with an arm around you while the other keeps you both planted to the ground. It doesn’t matter to him that you were in a crowded train where anyone could spot you together because Eddie felt like he'd taken a trip in a time machine.

He’s like a teenager all over again. Sneaking around and running from the trouble he’s caused, but most of all, he felt this way being with you. Maybe he didn’t get that chance to impress you back then… but he has you now.

So lost in you, he hadn’t registered the light tap on his shoulder until accompanied by a said, “Munson?” From a familiar voice. Eddie turns around and his eyes widened in disbelief.

“Emerson?”

“Holy shit! It is you! Almost didn't recognize you with the hat,” A more mature Gareth stood in your presence. The two boys go in for a bear hug while talking over each other in their excitement. “You look great!”

“Can’t say the same for you, man. You look like shit.” Eddie laughs.

“Fuck off,” Gareth laughs. “I just got off my shift. What are you doing in New York?”

“I should be asking you the same. Hadn’t heard from you or Jeff in 2 years.”

“We moved to New York. They say it’s where everyone’s making a name for themselves.”

“You guys still make music?”

“Hell yeah, we do,” Gareth nods. “Ya know ever since, the band got separated. We knew we couldn’t stop rocking. You wouldn’t have wanted that.”

“Good to hear that, bro.”

“And what about you? What’s gotcha in the big city? Tour, maybe.”

“Not exactly a tour. Just a performance and an interview.”

“Aw shit, man. That’s wicked as hell. Rockstar life’s been treating you good it seems. I bet you get tons of chicks,” Gareth says excitedly, ignorant to Eddie’s panicking glare. “How many girls have you—“

He’s interrupted by you clearing your throat stepping out from behind Eddie. “Hello, Emerson.”

He gasps, pointing between the two of you. “Y/n…Eddie…you two are together?”

“Yep, she’s my girl.” Eddie curls an arm around your waist.

“Wow, I’m honestly surprised considering your first article on him. But Eddie did always have a little thing for you back in high school. I’m sure he made it his mission to win you over.”

“S-shut up, dickhead.” Eddie stutters, blushing.

“You read my article?” You ask, a smile creeping up on your lips.

“Oh, yeah. Everyone’s talking about it especially since Corroded Coffin’s performance at Mantra•esque. If ever I need exposure, I’m calling you for an article on mu band. Speaking of which,” Gareth searches through his jeans pocket, pulling out a flier. “You guys should stop by at this Battle of the Bands event tonight at 10. That’s in a couple hours from now so you won’t have to go back and forth until then. It’s at this cool ass venue they call a ‘speakeasy’ in Koreatown. You’ve gotta have a password and everything to get in that shit. Jeff and I will be performing along with our new guitarist, Brody. You’ll dig him. He’s chill.”

You look in the corner of your eye, feeling Eddie tense beside you at the mention of the new member.

“Our band’s called ‘TSNP’,” Gareth continues. “Thou Shall Not Pass. Will you be there, Eds?”

“I…could try. It’s just that I’ll be busy with rehearsals. So, I’m not sure if I’ll be able to make it, man.” Eddie lies.

“Oh…right. Well, that sucks,” A hint of disappointment in his tone. “Jeff would’ve been super stoked to see you. Sid, too. But I understand you're a big rockstar now.”

There’s silence between them. You shake your head at the men too prideful in expressing their true feelings despite supposedly being best friends.

The rest of the trip remained this way until the train halts to a stop at another station. When the doors open, Gareth makes his way over to them, stopping in his tracks and turning on his heel to look over at his friend one last time.

“When you left, we stopped making music for a while. Just didn’t feel the same. Then, I heard your song on the radio and it brought me back. It would’ve been really great if you had some time to see us play,” Gareth scans Eddie’s features and when he doesn’t get a reaction from him, he sighs. “Have a good night.” Sending you a small wave, he steps out and train’s moving forward again.

You turn to look at Eddie, arms crossed and disappointed. ”There are no rehearsals. It’s not fair to lie to him like that nor is it fair for you not to come and support. They’re your best friends. You have your band, why can’t they?”

“It’s not like I’m the one who chose to replace ‘em.”

“I know. But it’s okay to admit when something hurts,” You give him a small smile to lighten the mood. “I’m sure it hurt them having to make the decision to replace you just as much as it hurt you performing on a big stage without them. They’re chasing their dreams, too. It doesn’t mean they don’t want you to be a part of it. He did invite you, didn’t he? It’s like he said you’re the reason he was brought back.”

“You’re right.” He sighs.

“Of course, I am. I’m always right,” You tease then solemnly say. “No one’s gonna take that bond you all share. Not unless you continue to push them away.”

He nods, not saying a word. Thinking things over until the train makes another abrupt stop. The two of you exit hand in hand into the unexplored territory.

————

You were a lot more appreciative of the quiet moments you and Eddie sometimes had to yourselves. Where you got bask in the intimacy of normalcy. Lately, ever since Corroded Coffin's popularity, it’s constantly felt as if there were people lurking in the shadows, waiting on your next move.

Although, you must say it’s hard basking in the glory with your boyfriend’s face plastered on billboards around the city.

“Your manager’s not entirely wrong,” You say, pointing at the billboard. “Look at you guys up there. You'll probably be as big as Kiss someday.”

“You flatter me…but no,” He pats your head. “They’re untouchable.”

“I mean it, though. You shook the world. I can’t imagine you wanting to leave it behind now. I thought you wanted this tour.”

“I know what you’re trying to do here and I appreciate you considering my career but I’ve got my priorities straight. It took some thinking—not much—but I didn’t need a lot of time to realize I’d rather be with you.”

You try to contain the butterflies fluttering within you. “Now who’s become soft?”

“Shut it,” He laughs, pulling you against him and planting a kiss on your lips then neck until you suddenly pull away. “Did I do something wrong?”

You take him by the shoulders, guiding him to do a 180 degree turn. “There’s Coney Island in the distance. Wanna go?”

“I’m up for it. But just so you know, I like scary rides.”

“Aw, you don’t have to concoct a scheme to get me to cling to you, baby. I like scary rides, too,” Hands clasped behind your back, you teasingly walk circles around him then ahead towards the direction of the bright lights competing with the starry sky. You look over your shoulder and say, “I’ll still hold onto you, though… you’d like.”

He dramatically fakes offense, resting a hand over his heart. “I’m insulted that you would think I’d stoop so low. When would I ever deny the chance for you to hold onto me?”

“Then, what’re you standing all the way back there for? Come here and let me hold you.” You shout from behind you. Something about today made you feel extremely flirtatious. Maybe it was for the reason that Eddie was incognito, allowing you the chance to unabashedly enjoy each other’s company.

Eddie’s eyes now trained on the sway of your hips. “Just a second. I’m enjoying my view.”

You giggle. He rushes up behind you and wraps his arms around you, rocking you side to side. Your cute little game of cat and mouse comes to an abrupt end when you both enter the theme park and are met with scattered patrons all over the park with their heads buried in a magazine…with your faces on them.

“No.” You say, cupping your hands over your mouth in shock.

“Jesus H. Christ.” Eddie voices his frustration, eyes squeezed shut.

“That bastard,” You say through gritted teeth. You would have said that it was your fault for posting the article regarding Cole’s scandal. But you hadn’t gotten the chance to publish it, yet. “He was going to post it regardless of whether I’d accept his terms.”

You spot a nearby telephone pole. “I’m calling him and giving him a piece of my goddamn mind,” You say, strutting towards the payphone when Eddie grips your arm. You sneer a “what” at him.

“It’s not worth it. He’ll just try to provoke you which’ll then provoke me.”

You groan, running your hands over your face. “What do we do?”

“The only thing we can do: accept it.”

“Should we leave?”

“No. We’ll enjoy our time here while we can because as soon as we go back. We face reality.” Eddie holds out his hand.

You take it, exhaling and proceeding forward. “Okay but as a heads up, I’m definitely going to take down that man.”

“By all means, crush him,” Your boyfriend encourages. “Now let’s make you forget.”

“How do you suppose we do that?”

“Ferris Wheel, possibly. It’s the only ride without a giant line to wait in. We could talk…and other things.”

You snort. “What ‘things’ could you possibly do on a ferris wheel?”

He simply smirks, walking ahead of you this time. The boy is a menace.

You were considerably glad no one had recognized you from the magazine despite a good amount of park goers including the person operating the ferris wheel having the magazine in hand. After waiting in line patiently, it was your turn to board the ferris wheel car and take your seats.

“Some much needed alone time.” Eddie exhales his relief, both your heads thrown back against the wall of cart in exhaustion.

Not soon after exclaiming this, you both hear the sound of gum popping which causes you to raise your heads simultaneously. Seated in the chair across was a child, somewhere between the ages of 7-9, smacking away at her gum and kicking her feet.

“Hi!” She says, cheerfully.

“Hi, sweetie,” You return the greeting. “What’s your name?”

“I’m Beverly. Also Bev. I’m 8 years old! What’s your name?”

“I’m Y/n. That’s Eddie.” You point to Eddie who seemed uncomfortable.

“He looks scared. Are you scared of the ride, Eddie? It’s not scary. See?” Beverly gestures to herself seated.

“You okay, Eddie?” You asked, concerned.

He leans over, whispering to you as not for the little girl to hear. “It’s just…little kids freak me out, ya know. They always ask so many questions, forcing me to question my own existence.”

“It’s okay. I’ll take it from here,”You turned your attention back to the little girl. “Beverly, what are you doing here all alone? Where are your parents or guardians?”

“I wanted to ride the ferris wheel. Mommy said I couldn’t ride because it was bad. But I really wanted to.”

“Sweetie, it’s not okay to disobey your mother. Especially when she means well. She’s probably worried sick looking for you. I have an idea. Once this ride’s over, I’ll help you find her.”

“But she’ll be so angry.”

“Rightfully so, sweetie. But she’ll only be mad because she loves you.”

“So I can’t stay here?”

“You can’t run away from your problems. There’s a time where you’ve gotta face ‘em head on,” You were thinking maybe you should practice what you preach considering that running is exactly what you’ve been doing. “Tell ya what? I will have a talk with your mother to smoothen things over so she wouldn’t be too angry.”

“You promise?” She says, outstretching her arm and holding out her pinky.

“Promise.” You intertwine your pinky with hers.

“So when do you think we’ll get off this ride?” She asks.

“A few minutes or so.” You answered.

“Really? Even when it’s standing still.”

“Standing still?” Your eyes bugged out, looking over at Eddie who was just the same.

“Fuck! The Ferris Wheel’s stopped!” He exclaims.

“No swearing, Eds. Let’s not corrupt the kid.”

“Did you hear what I said?” He groans, standing up in the cart and walking back and forth.

“Yes! And could you please stop that? You’re wiggling the cart around.”

“I can’t help it. I hate confined spaces.”

“It’ll be okay,” You reassure him. “I’m sure it won’t be long before help.

The sound of a safety horn rings and then the click of a bullhorn. “Passengers, we’re experiencing some technical difficulties. Please allow 30 minutes for help to arrive and another 30 minutes to repair this issue. Please stay put and be safe. Thank you.”

“Well, that’s just fantastic.” Eddie throws his hands up before sinking down to the floor, head in his hands.

You sit beside him. “I didn’t know you were claustrophobic.”

“I’m not but sometimes confined spaces remind me of a certain point in my life…Juvie.”

“You’ve been to juvie?” You asked.

“It’s okay not to be surprised,” He laughs. “But yeah, I have.”

“No, I really am surprised. I never considered it,” You assure. “If you don’t mind me asking…how’d it happen?”

“It’s because I wanted to be like my dad. Ya know, the pro pickpocketer. Well, that wasn’t all he taught me. I learned how to hotwire different vehicles, dismantle and rebuild cars, how to pickpocket, taught me the ins and outs of ‘get rich’ quick schemes, taught me how to deal drugs…the whole nine. I remember wanting to be just like him,” He says. “I never cared much when my mother wasn’t around because he was there. Maybe he wasn’t the best father figure or as present as a parent should be. But when he was there, life didn’t seem so bad. Then one day we’re having some beers on the porch—I was 12, by the way—talking shit and listening to greatest hits. The cops came to arrest me because witnesses saw me stealing parts from a car. Parts that my father begged me to steal because he was too high off his own shit to do it himself. In custody, my dad says, ‘Don’t you worry, buddy. I’ll get you outta there.’ I really wanted to believe he was telling the truth.” Eddie laughs dryly, shaking his head.

Then he continues. “That was the last I saw of him and he didn’t even have the decency to look me in the eyes and say he’s sorry. I was sentenced for 6 months. He never visited me and being in that cell, staring up at the ceiling, alone with my thoughts; I realized it was the first time in my life I knew what it meant to be alone. I found out later he’d been arrested not even a month after my sentencing for serious drug charges. Lock up practically for good. Uncle Wayne took me in even when he hadn’t spoken with my dad in years. Hell, he didn't even know I existed until the guards called him looking for an immediate family member who'd be willing to take me in.”

Your heart broke at the sound of that. To know that he had such a rough childhood but he still managed to be Eddie was remarkable.

“I owe Wayne for everything I am now. If it weren’t for him, I would’ve been a dirtbag just like my dad.”

“I’m so sorry.” You say, rubbing his back.

You weren’t sure the right words to say or if you should say anything at all. The little girl, Beverly, slides off her seat, sitting on the ground along with you. Her tiny backpack in front of her as she rummages through it, pulling out a tiny pink book then holds it out to Eddie.

You both look down at it. Eddie, hesitant but otherwise he takes it in his hands.

“My dad is in jail, too,” Beverly says. “Even though I miss him, I think he’s better there than when he’s with me and mommy. At home, he was mean and scary sometimes. Mommy says he’s better now. I think so, too. He calls me princess like he used to. Once he told me that if I'm ever sad or scared, do something I like. He likes to draw. Like me.” She points at the book.

“It’s not creepy drawings of people being buried, is it?” Eddie says, fear sprinkled in his tone.

You discreetly shove his back with your shoulder. “What he means to say is, ‘are you giving us permission to look at your drawings?’”

Beverly nods, a small smile on her face.

Eddie flips through the pages and he’s caught by surprise. They were quite beautifully drawn for something done by an 8 year old. Gothic drawings of birds, spiders, landscapes and such.

“These are actually really cool.” Eddie praises.

“You’ve done these all by yourself?” You ask, also charmed by the work.

“Mhmm,” The little girl hums proudly. “Well, not all of it. Sometimes, dad starts a drawing and I finish it at home. Then, I start a drawing and he finishes it. He says it’s how we can commemorate with each other.”

“I think you mean, ‘communicate’,” You giggle. “That’s a beautiful story, Bev.”

“He also draws on people’s skin,” She adds, pointing to the matching tattoo you and Eddie had gotten. “Like that.”

You smile at your boyfriend, him, back at you in quiet appreciation; reminiscent of your time together so far.

“Hey, kid, I’ve got a friend I’ll be seeing soon,” Eddie grins. “He’s in a new band and I’d like to give him a little gift. I could use some help with creating a new logo for his band. Think you could make one for me while we kill time?”

Beverly beams. “Yeah!”

The little girl immediately takes out art supplies from her bag, taking the book for him to start on a new blank page.

“Did you mean that? We’re going to Gareth’s show?”

He nods, squeezing your hand. “Yeah.”

“Don’t just sit there?” Beverly chastises. “Gimme some ideas.”

Eddie chuckles, leaning over the page and springing ideas with her while you watch in amusement.

————

After 50 minutes, Eddie and Beverly became a close pair. You’d barely spoken with how much the two had gotten along.

“And she’s all, ‘You’re not invited because you’re weird.’” Beverly says in a mocking tone.

“No.” Eddie says in disbelief.

“Yeah and everyone in class had an invitation. She’s always been a real bully. Sometimes she shoves me, pulls my hair…and it makes me angry. Like I want to hurt her.”

Eddie scoffs. “I’ve known asshats like that back in school, too. Wouldn’t even look in my direction because I didn’t have the latest shoes or clothes.”

“Language, Eddie.”

“Sorry, I meant ‘butthats’,” Eddie says, causing Beverly to giggle wildly and nearly color outside the lines. Eddie whispers. “Some advice: don’t stoop down to a bully’s level because then you’ll become a bully, too. It happened to me. I thought solving everything with fists would somehow get people to stop messing with me but it only made me feel worse. It’s okay to stand up for yourself but it’s also okay to tell someone what you're going through. Like an adult.”

You smile at his advice, realizing that he’d listened to you.

He’s becoming really mature.

“However, she did hit you first so it’s only fair game that you get to hit her back.” He adds.

Ooh, so close.

“All done!” Beverly holds up the drawing.

Eddie takes the page, scanning it. It was of a spider spinning a web in the shape of a guitar, a giant cross in the background. It looks badas—“ You shoot him a look. “It’s really cool, kid.”

A whirring sound picks up and the ride’s moving again, the three of you erupt in cheers. When you’d finally reached the bottom, a woman full of fear stood there waiting on the sidelines. Her eyes lit up the moment she saw Beverly.

“Bev! Baby.” Her mother sobs in relief, arms opened wide.

“Mommy!” The little girl jumps into the mother’s arms.

“What did I tell you about leaving my side?! I knew you’d be here. You just don’t quit, do you?” Her mother scolds.

“Ahem.” Beverly says, clearing her throat cuing you.

“Hello, Beverly’s mother,” You waved, introducing yourself. “It’s wonderful meeting you. I’m Y/n and this is Eddie. We found her riding alone and talked about searching for you when the ferris wheel stopped.”

“Hello. Please call me Martha,” She introduces herself. “I told her that ferris wheel’s always giving up. I’m so sorry. I hope she didn’t cause any trouble with you. She can be quite the handful.”

“No. She was an angel. Even drew us a picture.”

“That’s very sweet of you, Bev,” Her mother smiles down at her. “Thank you so much for keeping her happy. She’s usually scared to ride those things alone. If there’s any way I could thank you…”

“Oh no, that won’t be necessary.” You protest.

“No, no. I’ve got it! If ever you need help planning an event—maybe a party or… wedding,” She darts her eyes between the two of you, handing you a business card. “That's my number right there. I’m a wedding and event planner.”

You blush, profusely. “Umm, okay.”

“Let’s go, Beverly. Say goodbye to the nice people.”

She pouts. “Will I see you guys again?”

You let Eddie have this one. He crouches down to her level and says, “I think so. Who knows? Maybe I’ll be needing a wedding planned or whatever,” You were now blushing so hard that the heat from your face could warm you enough from the cold weather. “Or maybe I could get some cool tattoo ideas from the artist herself.” He finishes, winking at her.

The girl beams. Then, she and her mother were on their way. Eddie, waving at her until they couldn’t see each other anymore.

You smirk at him. “Well, would you look at that. You’ve overcome your fear of children.”

“She’s pretty cool. Reminds me a lot of myself.”

“She’s very special. Bright, too. I think she’s helped me work out a lot up there than any therapy session I’ve had in years.”

“Somehow the universe keeps sending people our way because you and I could use a little push. We’re very stubborn people, ya know. Although, I’m a Taurus. What’s your excuse?”

You laughed. “So are we going to this show or are we going to discuss signs now?”

“Don’t you wanna debate how un-Taurus like I am,” He jokes. “Alright. Let’s go so see TSNP. Dumb name by the way. Hope Gareth didn’t come up with it.”

“Do you think we’ll make it to their performance on time?”

“I think so. But if we don’t, I’d still like to go for the support,” He smiles and curls an arm around your shoulders. “Then you and I could go back and face reality.”

You rest your head on his, walking out of the park; ignorant to the magazines with your faces on them.

Taglist: @that-idiot125 @strangerthingsstories5255 @haylaansmi @tlclick73 @chcolateeyelver @apolixyan @micheledawn1975 @maystecc @gay-weirdo262772 @itswormtrain @httpmedxsa @3m0xbunn1 @bebe0701 @lokiofasgard616 @joeyfilth @secretdryrose @sammararaven @cherrytree69 @bimbobaggins69 @nicolaj1978 @idgafboutyou @eddiesgffff @briasnow-blog @sweetdreamer1010 @sleepyghostygirl @babeyglo @idkidknemore @e0509 @brittney69 @samunson83 @hellfire-puppet @moonisu @mopeymopeymouse @lluviamg06 @shinydixon @cherrysoda444 @lovelyvivii @therese01 @keiracottreau @mirrorsstuff @eddiemunson95 @e-munson666 @munson-fixation @paradoxicalconundrum @lulukings92 @sherrylyn628 @szalipcombo @elamity @munsonswhore86 @kellsck @die-irre-blog @creoleguurl @edsforehead @munsonswhore86 @websterss @screaming-blue-bagel @ick90

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samplepsychadelic · 1 year ago

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3 A. pantherinoide edibles (2g each) + 10mg THC edible (report started on 7/26)

decided I was going to try last time's dose again. I wanted to get one more trip in before I move. intentions are the same as last time, as well as preparation. the dose was taken at 4:40pm. the only differences are that I did take my medicine this morning and, of course, the time.

6:18: all the effects came on at once surprisingly. it's a lot harder to understand what words mean, both with definition and sound. no visual effects that I can notice, but with my eyes closed I see simple geometry. I also find it harder to keep my eyes open and stay awake (effect of the delta-9)

6:56: starting to have difficulty typing. hallucinating that my hands have textures. an overlayed tranaparent mosiac eff3ct on top of swirls, in fact, the whole room is covered in swirls. having both open eye and closed eye geometry, albeit open eye is much weaker. my arms have a trail effect and I've been hearing a few seconds of rising tones once and awhile. this definitely all caught me off guard since I've never hallucinated this much before. none of it looks especially realistic, though. most of it is easily picked out. (post-trip note: all of the hallucinations I saw with my eyes open were faint or transparent)

7:06: my body feels like it's melting sway extremely slowly. the fact that I had to remind myself that I'm not actually melting because I felt anxious after thinking it is a little funny. the rest of this report will be written from the post-trip perspective. (post-trip note: the melting feeling felt like I was made of wax, with an empty outline of my body and my bones being the only thing left behind. I'm honestly not sure if this was an ego death, it might've been. this trip definitely didn't take place in the physical world and my body just felt like a border between what I was experiencing and this plane of reality. hard to explain.)

the peak of the trip was about an hour with the comedown and after effects lasting until I went to bed around 10pm. I decided to just close my eyes and let the trip play out rather than interrupt it every few minutes to type (which was already difficult). when I did open my eyes a few times I saw after images of my curtains and windows (curtains were red/blue, window was blue/yellow.) and tropical flowers growing on the ceiling, the inner petals were orange and the outer petals were purple. they were growing on a vine and grew and wilted extremely quickly, with them only lasting a few seconds. the longer I struggled with keeping my eyes open, the more the ceiling shifted and became the same square of patterning reflecting and changing. I closed my eyes again and watched the fractals and symmetrical patterns for awhile. I have a common theme of meeting "angels" (not by standard definition. it's complicated). I started by asking them if I could see what the afterlife is like and promised that I would only remember things they were okay with me remembering. before going to their realm we passed through a library, which I recognized as the place where the akashic records were kept (i.e the place where the records of everything to ever happen in the universe was kept). I asked if I could read the records during my short visit, but they told me I couldn't while I was visiting, which was fine. I kind of understood why I couldn't, seeing as I was merely paying a visit and not staying. plus, there were still some aspects of the human mind's limitations that stuck with me during my visit, so I don't think it would have been decipherable if I had been able to read any records. the first angel I met after passing through the library was one named "weatherboy". I don't remember much about him, other than his gold outlines and friendliness. everyone I met was so unique and all had their own personalities and appearances, some even had a specific way of communicating. one communicated with chiptune-esque chirps and beeps, while also saying both parts of the conversation. another communicated through sounds, one through taste and one of them even talked through time, specifically talking in the past. it's very hard to describe but it was all understandable to me. there were a few that especially stuck out to me, the angel of fun, the angel of art/music, and one named fiona. I also met a cherub who had 1 husy head in the middle, a wolf head to the left and a goat head to the right. their appearance was very cartoonish, their voices even more so, the dog in the middle had a brooklyn accent and sounded familiar, but I couldn't make out why. the cherub was probably the one I talked to most since we spent so long trying to figure out what character they sounded like. at some point I had asked someone if god exists, and they said something along the lines of "nah, god isn't real. but we are! even though each of us has their own personality, we all exist as one,". I was happy to hear it. I can't rememeber any specifics after that. towards the end of my visit, I let them know thay I was ready to go back. everyone told me they loved me and to take care of this life, apaprently this is my first incarnation. I very specifically remember all the angels I met saying "goodbye! we love you calvin!". at first this struck me as odd since "calvin" was only my name in this life, but thinking about it more afterward, it was a very sweet gesture of love and acceptance. after returning to my body, I found my head clearing and focus returning, which marked the comedown.

this trip really sticks out to me, since it was my first time having actual visuals, experiencing an ego death and possibly breaking through and talking to entities all in one trip. it makes me wonder what trips will be like once my p. cubensis start fruiting :] here's some doodles I did of both my avatar and some angels I met

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a-tale-of-legends · 2 years ago

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Some facts about Eva now that I mentioned her

She pretty much owns Join Avenue, since it was sprung onto her when she was 15. It was one of the many things that she balanced in her busy life post b2w2, and she actually handled it really well! She later passed it onto someone I haven't fully decided yet so she can focus on her passions.

I think she's the only one of my protagonists to get a higher education. She pretty much went back to school and later went to college as part-time student, since she was a champion AND a business owner ( before she gave it up) AND when she started dating Elliot. She has an engineering degree (maybe mechanical engineering would be more specific).

Her time as champion pretty much ends when Hugh beats her in battle. Despite being the younger of the two she definitely teared up when her best friend won the battle. She was so proud.

She wasn't an immediate Chosen. Not at first. When she was near the plasma frigate she always felt something....off. Something silently pleaded to her. But as soon as it started it would stop immediately. It wasn't until she finally sees Kyurem where it all clicks together. But the fear she has was resounding. Between having experienced an entire town get frozen over, seeing people just get frozen, and soon have thousands of icicle spears pointed at her, in a clear attempt to kill her- yeah. To say she feared Kyurem was an understatement. But she got Chosen anyway.

Kyurem didn't want a Chosen, truth being told. They simply wanted to be left alone in their cave away from everyone and put the terrible experience that was b2w2 behind them. But then they started to think. What if it happens again? Who would be there to protect them? This train of logic resulted in them concluding that they need a Chosen out of necessity, not out of fate or whatever the fuck the other Legendaries talk about to make themselves seem all important. And so they choose the person who freed them in the first place; Eva.

Eva felt very cold that day.

Despite starting off very very distant, Eva actually manages to push past her fear and wiggle her way into Kyurem's icey heart. It takes. A lot for them to get to that point however. Willingly or not, Kyurem has caused a lot of trauma for the poor girl, and wasn't exactly the friendliest, so it was very hard to even connect. Many times Eva wanted to beg for them to let her go out of fear but also wanted to stay and give Kyurem some comfort, since they too have been through a lot.

The main thing that drove them together was the Plasma Frigate. Well. Former Plasma Frigate. Eva actually ended up taking it over and redesigning it to her liking. Yes. The whole goddamn ship. A place of trauma for both Eva and Kyurem. Tearing it down and building it back up into something better was very cathartic for the both of them. They even made a new friend ( Genesect ). It was here where the two started to actually bond more. Kyurem is still Kyurem, cold and distant, but they are a tiny bit kinder to Eva. Their siblings ( Zekrom and Reshiram) tease them about how they are growing soft. Melting. The pair shut up when after a good cold glare.....it's. It's really good to speak to them again.

Now going back to Eva, as I mentioned she pretty much renovated the entire Team Plasma Frigate ship to her own liking. This redesign ended up also being a base of sorts for the other Chosens. To say Eva isn't a vital member of the team is blasphemous. She literally makes their weaponry ( when she's allowed to).

She's married to Elliot <3. This happened sometime after swsh, a few years I think. It's very ironic in a sense. The Chosen of Reshiram and the Chosen of Kyurem getting married. Fire and Ice but not really. It's funny, they all have a laugh about it.

In terms of visuals, since I haven't made a picrew of Eva in so long, she had brown skin with vitiligo and blue eyes that she got from her mom. Her hair is a warm darkish brown. It varies in texture all the time, since I always see her changing up her hair every now and again. I think it's naturally curly, but she's seen wearing it wavy or simply wearing a wig.

She's also freaking tall. She's one of the taller ocs I have next to Jin and Jude. Maybe Kiran, but idk.

Her relationship with Colress is complicated. She was always interested in machinery and science stuff but Colress was the one that really pushed it into high gear. She admitted him greatly after the first few times they have met. Then the truth was revealed and she never felt so betrayed and hurt. Maybe the signs were always there. Colress never really hid the fact that he was affiliated with Team Plasma- it was a matter of no one asking. And while Eva ultimately swayed his thesis, so to speak, she couldn't exactly look at him the same way. Not after everything he's done. What bothered her more was how nonchalant Colress was towards her reaction. He merely shrugged, saying he expected such, it usually goes this way. He tells her that he doesn't hate her. Rather he admires her young intelligence and vigor and hopes she puts it to good use. She finds the words very insulting. ( And yet, she follows his words exactly)

I haven't exactly thought out if Eva and Colress ever really repairs their relationship. If not then that's fine. If they do then that's fine too. But I'm not sure which direction to take.

Also I think it would be cute and sad if young Eva thought Colress would have been perfect for her dad. She was already hatching a plan until everything just goes to shit. It's fine really. She likes Emmet more as her other dad better anyway.

And yeah. I could go into her dynamic with more characters but that's all I want to share for now. I hope you like Evangeline Ortiz!

#r rambles #legendverse #oc: eva ortiz

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taangmula · 2 years ago

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i'm really concerned about whether i'm a bad person or not. lately, with the controversy and confusion around tenacious unicorn ranch, i thought about my own attempt to house a couple of my housing-insecure friends and how badly it blew up in my face. i feel sad about it- i don't think i necessarily did all the perfectly correct things, but neither did i do things worth being publicly excorciated for- certainly not during the time i housed them, and certainly not for at least 3-5 years before them. in the intervening years, we were friends, and i genuinely had no idea that i had made this person uncomfortable.

i know it's triggers and whatnot that are partially my fault for activating, partially not proportionate to the things i did to trigger them. i don't think that placing someone else's hands around one's own throat makes me a predator. a creep, maybe. i was definitely a lonely, horny teen who wanted to flirt in edgy ways and wanted selfishly to feel things. it's the selfishness of the gesture that makes me doubt myself, though. if i'm not always acting purely in the other party's interest, am i worth anything? if i'm not completely setting aside myself, am i as bad as the r*pists that have terrorized and violently traumatized you in the past? i think there are things between yes and no. i want to say yes, but i'm so afraid of the "no".

i feel lost because i worry about whether there's a pattern there. my ex had been previously r*ped as well, and they saw parallels between their r*pist and me. we both told ourselves and each other that this was a journey of healing- sometimes ugly, sometimes painful and difficult, but ultimately a move towards something different, but the fact that that relationship ended in catastrophe makes me wonder. looking at a thing they'd written about me, and about their own ex, i felt afraid. they said that the poems i'd written had compassion fettered by being amab, like their r*pist ex. i triggered them a lot, and consoled them a lot. the first night we slept together, they asked me to touch them, then they asked me to stop. i did. i felt proud that i could take a no, but they still woke up in the middle of the night crying.

it's really fucking hard to look at someone you've triggered and feel like it's not your fault. intention has no bearing on impact, so do we have to take accountability for the impact? the friend i housed had psychotic breaks after being violently r*ped on a date with someone. it's not surprising that they might be hypervigilant and untrusting of me. they saw me with those eyes, probably knowing that i had so much power over them- they and their partner lived in the second room of my 2bed apartment, but i was ultimately the one paying for it. i thought we could get by because it was supposed to be only a year and it was 2v1 in the worst case, but i guess not.

it feels fucked up to acknowledge that i feel an affinity for people who have experienced trauma. i don't seek it out, but i often like people who are sad, thoughtful, perceptive. people who can see each others' pain and care for it rather than turn away. i think that trauma makes people on guard, hypervigilant, ready for the worst. i think i see my own worst a lot, or i edge around it because it is too much to look at directly.

at the end of that essay, my ex wrote that anything you love can be saved. it's hard to look at it now, since the relationship between us was not saved. nor was our friendship. nor even a passing acquaintanceship. it's like that with the people i housed. it feels like this outcome is my fault. when you trigger someone they see a mix of you and things that aren't you. violent abuse, manipulation, suicide, r*pe. those are not accidental projections, but they're there because of a pattern-match between you and a moment where someone attacked them, or something bad happened to them, or a moment where someone made them feel like they couldn't say no.

there's something there, and it feels prickly to try to sort out for myself which parts are and aren't me- if people draw the lines themselves, then everyone gets to be good, and to file away all of their bad parts. people get to keep hurting each other and never think about it, never learn or change. and yet- a trauma response is also an all-or-nothing moment. being triggered definitionally means that things that are not here and now become here and now. that's not your boyfriend that's a violent sadist, or your fucked up dad going to lock you in a room. this is not sex it's every time someone has hurt you condensed into one. this isn't an apartment it's a cage.

i guess i'm still working through all of it. at least theoretically, we can't be responsible for each others' emotions. still, neither can we disregard the fact that we have wounds, and that some of them are very common and very deep. if someone's bleeding, you don't wrestle them in the mud.

when my ex wrote that piece, we were still together, and there was a lot of hope in it. it's still hard to say if my presence in their life made it better (as a bulwark in tough times) or worse (being a bulwark because my presence caused them tough times). i want to say that i both did my best and that my best wasn't good enough. it was hubris to think i could save someone, but practical to do the work of taking them to 5150s, getting therapy appointments, answering desperate calls in the middle of the night, cleaning and bandaging their wrists, feeding them. the last time we talked, it seemed like they weren't having to go for psychiatric holds as often, or hadn't in a while. the other part of my brain points out that this happened once we were apart for a while. maybe it would have been better if we separated sooner. maybe it would have been fatal. i didn't want them to go then, but i don't think i want them back now. all that's left is a grief and a hope that they did actually recover. maybe i could be forgiven if that were the case.

anything we love can be saved. anything we love can be saved. anything we love can be saved.

#tw sa #tw rape #textpost

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gend3rbend3r · 1 year ago

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I feel like this is a post I can actually contribute to in a positive manner. I've been nicotine-free for nearly 3 years now. Shit's rough, especially in the beginning. I quit by using nicotine gum, which I highly recommend since it'll slowly lower how much you're getting and still involve the oral fixation so you'll feel like you aren't missing out on much. I ordered it online and lemme tell you, it arrived two days after my last vape ran out, and if you are vaping salts like I was and are planning on quitting cold turkey, I CANNOT recommend that. I was shaking, my heart was racing, I had heart palpitations; it was like I was experiencing a constant anxiety attack, for two days. So definitely plan it out.

Things I noticed within the first few weeks of quitting:

1. I could fucking breathe. I didn't realize how much vaping was affecting my lung capacity, but it felt like my lungs had opened up 80%. Basically while I was vaping it felt like I was only breathing at 20% of my lung capacity.

2. My brain fog cleared up. School got easier. It was like a cloud had lifted.

3. I stopped getting so many headaches.

4. My throat wasn't so goddamn parched anymore. My mouth wasn't so dry, and my teeth became noticeably less yellow.

Long-term benefits I've noticed:

1. My blood-pressure has improved. I'm no longer hypertensive. (I'm in my 20's.)

2. I'm overall much happier without nicotine. I know. That sounds like a lie. Trust me when I say there is a life out there for you without addictive substances, you just have to take that really scary and difficult first step.

3. I'm no longer spending 100-200 a month on vapes and refills and cigarettes and gums and air fresheners. That's like two weeks of groceries for a single person. I used to prioritize buying my next vape refill over getting some decent food.

I definitely do not recommend quitting on your own like I did. Talk to your school counselor, a therapist, a life coach, an addiction specialist, just somebody who can walk you through the steps of quitting and be there for you when you hit a roadblock. Cravings will be rough, especially in the beginning, but they get easier over time. Now certain things don't even trigger me anymore, like getting in my car or going onto a balcony at night. It takes time, but the time will pass anyway whether you decide to quit or not.

Also please remember that anyone can become addicted to anything. Addicts are just normal people who got caught in the wrong place at the wrong time.

I know I sound like your mom but you kids need to stop fucking vaping

#vaping #nicotine #long post #smoking #cigarettes #vape

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misqnon · 9 months ago

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HI im the anon who sent in that ask about one piece the other day and!!! AGHH. im too shy and socially anxious to send a message so sorry for communicating through asks but !!

THANK UU for responding to me !! it makes me so happy when people seem excited to talk to me, and i love hearing about peoples interests, so. i was very happy reading ur reply!!!! also this is probably an even longer message 😭 i cant help it i love to ramble

my history with one piece is long and complicated LMAO so i wont rant about it, but i started watching anime when i was 7 and one piece caught my attention when i was 10 i think, so ive had a lot of time to experience it tbh. but i was never that into it until i read the manga!! if im recommending one piece, i usually recommend the manga because its so much easier to get through imo.

honestly now that im caught up im like.. so afraid for the end of one piece. i never want it to end. i keep hearing that this is the final saga, and that one piece is ending soon, and my brain just. cannot comprehend it. i dont know if its just denial or what but i fully believe it won't end for another 5 years.. i havent experienced enough of the one piece world!!! i need more!! tell me everything about everyone in one piece PLEASE . it cant end . and those thoughts have been plaguing my mind since i restarted it LOL

looking at old forums to see peoples opinions from when each chapter dropped is genius??? i might have to do that.. i want to see their theories. i want to say "you have no idea whats in store...." or admire how smart they are for guessing things correctly

i find it funny that u like sanji cuz i have such complicated feelings around him. like he was my absolute favorite upon first introduction. i loved his kindness, i loved his interactions with gin, and i thought he was cool as hell. he was definitely a positive role model for my very damaged child brain. but i think the pervert joke and him treating women differently has pretty much ruined him for me. when i was younger a part of me felt like it was only right that he treat women better, but im pretty sure i just felt that way bc i hated the experience of being born female so much that the only way i could cope was by taking every and any advantage i could get. and then i figured out i was non binary.. and hes been turned into the most cartoonishly disgusting pervert .. and i see his potential and it just.. UGH!! you could have been so good. anyways all my feelings around him make it a lot more interesting to see u talk about him!! usually i just headcanon him as transfem and that satiates my burning rage and hatred towards him. but seeing sanji likers talk about liking sanji makes me actually like sanji more!! at this rate i might turn back into a sanji fan

im not in any one piece fan spaces but i AM consuming one piece content as often as possible (so all day. i dont have. a job. or school.). i know this is most likely a passing hyperfixation for me but im loving it anyways. i will definitely keep an eye on ur blog bc im sooo excited for when u catch up. im having so much fun theorizing about the end of the story and . and i hope u will too!! eek rant over thanks for listening (metaphorically)

HI ANON!! once again putting this under cut bc i will once again be freely speaking my way too many thoughts about the silly pirate manga. (fair warning. this. this is 2K words. anon im.....so sorry)

you don't have to worry about communicating through asks btw i literally do not care do whatever makes u comfortable my dude <3 and 1. thank YOU for sending a message :^) 2. i am loving the joyous atmosphere we have created ranting at each other back and forth HAHAHA it makes me happy to talk about interests like this as well!! (looks at length of my last reply and this one) clearly. we can think of this as like. electronic pen pals 👍bc i do be basically writing letters here LMAO

yea as u can tell its a little complicated for me too lmao ( i mean. the damn thing has been going on longer than i've been alive, so. it's touched many people in many ways. and it's complicated in its OWN right which. i'll get to. but holy shit 7 is younger than i expected! thats still a pretty long history (though i cant talk bc at age 4 i had a crush on goku even tho i had no idea what was happening half the time i was watching the dbz reruns on tv </3) and YEA. YEA THE MANGA IS. SO MUCH MORE STREAMLINED AND WELL PACED. EVEN THO I MISS THE COLOR AND MOVEMENT AND VOICE ACTING OF THE ANIME it was just takin too long. and i really like oda's art, so...reading the manga lets me look at it better. and there's more care put into the frames. but overall ur right the manga is chefs kiss in comparison to other versions (WHICH ARENT BAD!! JUST...SLOW. and though i think the live action wasnt really NEEDED i did. like it. and it is what got me back into op + got me caught up through east blue a lot faster HAHA)

tbh hearing that its in its last saga made me feel like i got into one piece at a really good time bc if i plan it right i can catch up and then follow along with the release for only a little while until its done. also the live action s2 and the "The One Piece" reanimated anime will be coming soon too. the content saturation is everywhere 👍(showering in it) THOUGH I DO FEEL A BIT PRESSURED LIKE. WHAT IF ONE PIECE FINISHES BEFORE I CATCH UP . which is insane bc im almost to wano (even though i hear wano is really long). and also...i think its been called the final "saga" but idk if that means final ARC you know...kinda like how water 7 and enies lobby kinda blend into one. or impel down and marineford are lumped together. idk i feel like we got a bit more. i just feel like there's so much we havent got answered yet and i dont think oda would just leave that stuff hanging. i know there;s a list out there of things that one piece needs to adress/come back to before it finishes but i havent looked at it bc im afraid of spoilers. however, just in my own mind theres a LOT i know has to happen that we need plenty of time for!! so. i wouldnt be surprised if it WAS 5 more years. i mean like...shanks needs to happen. i think zoro and sanji are gonna have a battle at some point (based on stuff ive seen from wano. im assuming) they gotta see laboon again. gotta revisit shirahoshi's situation. gotta see the dreams come true of each crewmate. tie off loose ends of side characters like tashigi and koby and the warlords. yanno

the "you have no idea what's in store.." is literally my exact emotions . i havent done it for this fandom YET but i plan to go to forums reading over ppl's theories like this

slash seeing how they react and getting giddy about it bc i like seeing how people react to shit. esp if they're shocked or enthusiastic about it like i usually am

about sanji. okay. listen. listen here. i. hate sanji. JNFNVFKDNL

no but actually no matter how complicated someone's feelings are towards sanji i promise you for sanji likers they are probably 100x more complicated unless they're weird dudebros who think he's cool (which he is but only like 10% of the time and not when he's being a chauvinistic ass)

one thing about me is that i. hate doing things that are distasteful or offensive in any capacity and that extends to the media i consume in that i dont like consuming media that is excessively problematic. i understand nuance so like OBVIOUSLY nothing is perfect and everything has problematic elements - but for a lot of shows there's one too many things on one side of the scale and i just dont like having that guilt on my shoulders consuming it. one piece fits that category but it's also SO BIG and SO LONG and its been going on for a WHILE and is such a phenomenon that i can let SOME stuff "slide"...and also realize "bitch one piece is so popular and near its end at this point that you, a single tumblr user, liking it or not liking it is not going to make a difference" and i'm (still) trying to make peace with that. things like oda's passive racism, The Entirety of Kamabakka Kingdom (literally don't even get me started), his blatant sexism in universe and his own opinions in the SBS...i've just come to realize i need to consume my media critically but still let myself have fun. im going through a rough period in life and this happens to be what my brain hyperfixated on and i cant change that so might as well have this outlet. ive made a lot of friends and am really enjoying the story for its good parts (found family, anti government and anti authoritarianism, importance of dreams and ambition and self love, the importance of mental health and trauma and how your past doesnt define you...etc)

i extend a lot of this thinking to sanji, too. to be fair i dont remember why he became my favorite. i think he was my fav when i watched it all those years ago but he wasnt a BIG FAV or anything. watching film red and the opla i think i went into it remembering he was my fav and he just stayed that way, but then i watched more and really started to like him for reasons like 1. im weak to flirtatious characters in general 2. im also weak to blonde men 😔 3. he's an asshole with a kind heart and i love a good juxtaposition 4. he just has some really cool badass moments tbh 5. and he's a LOT. i love characters that are a lot. he's loud and messy and overreactive and prissy and insecure and self sacrificing and also just SECRETLY ONE OF THE KINDEST MOST COMPASSIONATE MEMBERS OF THE CREW? notice how none of these have to do with his pervert shtick lmao

i do actually like his woman thing to an extent, i think its cute when its just him having heart eyes at every woman he sees and being weak to literally any woman who looks at him- cause that's still putting women on a pedestal, but its a fairly harmless character flaw for a fictional character to have. pre-timeskip sanji is a gift for all these reasons. and like, thats when everyone fell in love w his character i think. i MIGHT even forgive his whole "i wont hit a woman" thing bc its not like he doesnt think women shouldnt be hit in general to such an extent (i dont think he ever opposes to anyone else doing it on the crew, HE just doesnt like doing it PERSONALLY bc its his own moral principle he wont break just like the whole wont fight with his hands thing) even if the whole thing stems from the sexist belief women are lesser/weaker (esp after his backstory reveals some stuff)

but the pervert shtick? and the WRITING HIM AS TRANSPHOBIC/HOMOPHOBIC THING?? yea i literally hate that part of his character so much and wish it wasnt added. like i see how it relates to the character oda has decided sanji is but i still dont think it was needed. or okay. lol. i dont think any sanji fan actually likes this part of him. somedays i look at myself in the mirror and i'm like "am i fangirling over a more conventionally attractive bnha mineta rn" and i put on my clown makeup

but he's more than that. for all the reasons i listed above. and the BIGGEST thing that keeps me sane as a Sanji Liker (tm) is the fact that i 100% see half of his shitty character traits as something that are a product of Oda, the author, influencing his own work. im not gonna lie that canonly he still gave sanji those traits so yea like as a trans (? still working on that) GNC bisexual woman my favorite character atm is this weird little guy who's kinda chauvinistic and also canonly a homophobe (...at least, to an extent, bc apparently he has a really good relationship with iva? again, i could write an essay on just the queer rep as well) and thats a little embarrassing but. alas. i already fell in love with the character. and if you consider the writing is done by a dude who's got his own issues and just take the character for what he is...i do still rlly enjoy the idiot. and TRUST ME, i will headcanon him as a repressed bisexual who's probably GNC or a little trans or AT LEAST likes to do drag bc c'mon now. oda PUT ALL THAT IN CANON...AND EXPECTS US NOT TO PLAY WITH IT? you could make a compelling argument that he's 1000% straight and cis and kamabakka was a fluke that he resents but i think you could just as easily interpret it the other way. or just say fuck word of god i'm gonna enjoy this character the way i want (draws sanji in a dress for the millionth time bc i can and it makes me feel better. and once again HE WORE ONE IN CANON...AND WAS SMILING ABOUT IT, FOR A WHILE. IDK IDK CALL ME CRAZY) tldr; sanji is fucked but the worst parts are a product of oda himself and i like the character for other reasons and purposely try to consume him very critically for those reasons bc i do still really like him. like. hes my #1 fav character atm unfortunately. but he's nice in a lot of other ways 🥲

SORRY FOR THAT I TALKED WAYYY TOO MUCH!!!! but i enjoyed it so thanks for the opportunity :') im glad ur vibing with op and we're both enjoying this silly little show. tbh half the reason im trying to read it so fast (and why i read WCI early) is bc i was scared my hyperfixation wouldnt last long enough to finish the series BWAHAHA. here's to hoping we both get to see it end and enjoy the journey that comes with that!

#i cant believe i wrote 2k words . i should be embarrassed but im honestly a little impressed.#'hey mont why do you like one piece' [2k word essay defending myself against imaginary haters]#anon if you were worried you were talking too much dw i got you. i'll just talk WAYYY MORE to make u feel better 👍/hj #microphone effect #one piece #sanji #yea i'll put this in the tag #talked too much to only have one person see it #asks #replies #not to be That Person but i basically had a WGS minor in college (i was one class off) and trust me i'm analyzing the Fuck out of oda's #biased writing.#march anon

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