#they could've matched it would've been fine. better even

[cupidleporis]

not my favorite drawings i've ever made but i might as well put them here. final 2 artfight refs from this year (combined into one because i was fighting for my life resizing them separately)

[ckret2]

Chapter 60 of human Bill Cipher almost wasn't the Mystery Shack's prisoner but he's back here for some reason:

Everything you never even imagined about how Bill survived his execution.

(warning for cultists doing cultish activities in this chapter. and i don't mean "fantastical Blind Eye Society hijinks," i mean "discussing how to indoctrinate & isolate new recruits.)

####

"Hiya, Stan!" Bill Cipher beamed brilliantly. His gold tooth matched his new coat. "Didja miss me yet?"

Stan punched Bill in the nose.

Bill tumbled on his back, hand over his face. Voice tight with pain, he said, "Just so you know, I let you do that."

Stan's voice hit a pitch he hadn't been able to reach since puberty. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING ALIVE!"

Bill sat up gingerly. "Well, funny story—"

"NO! Nuh-uh, I'm finishing you properly this time!" Fists raised, Stan lunged at Bill.

Ford grabbed Stan from behind, one arm around his neck and one hooked up under his armpit. (Bill took the opportunity to scoot backward and get to his feet.) "Stanley! Stand down!"

"YOU!" Stan flung Ford's hands off and whirled around, pointing accusatorially at him. "You gave me your word! Tell me you didn't let Bill out."

"I didn't let Bill out."

Stan grabbed Ford's turtleneck. "Don't you lie to me!"

"I didn't let Bill out!" Ford ripped Stan's hands off his turtleneck. "He was already gone when I went into the kids' room."

"Then who— Who else would've known—"

Stan whirled around at a creak on the stairs. Dipper, halfway down the stairs, jumped when Stan saw him.

"DIPPER!" Stan stormed up to the stairs. "Did you help the demon escape?!"

"What, no!" Dipper took a step back up. "I don't even know how he got out! All I did was not say anything!"

"Well, who's left that could've helped him?!"

"BIIILL!" Mabel barreled down the stairs. "YOU CAME BACK!" She climbed on the stair railing, jumped off, and Bill—who'd crept inside behind Stan—was once more tackled to the ground.

Stan's hands twisted in the air like he wasn't sure whether he wanted to strangle someone, punch something, or pull out his own hair. He finally settled on curling them into fists and shaking them at God. "AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO DIDN'T KNOW THE DEMON'S ALIVE?!"

Soos, still sitting in the living room by himself, staring into space, voice hushed with horror, asked, "So who did I sweep into the flower vase..."

"Okay, family meeting!" Stan pointed at the living room, "Right now! You," he pointed at Bill, "upstairs! I don't wanna look at you and your—your stupid Las Vegas magician sequined coat!"

Bill sat up with a wince and grinned, "Oh, do you like it?" He took off his backpack and checked to see if its contents had been crushed when he was knocked down twice.

"You look like a circus clown!"

"I liked the Vegas magician thing better."

"GO!" Stan pointed up the stairs.

Bill raised his hands, rolling his eye as he started up the stairs. "Fine, fine—"

Stan grabbed Bill's wrist, making him drop his backpack. "STOP!"

"Make up your mind!"

Stan yanked one half of the enchanted friendship bracelets down over Bill's wrist. "You're not getting out again. Not on my watch."

Bill jerked his arm free, shot Stan a dirty look, and stomped up the stairs, umbrella clutched angrily in one hand and backpack in the other. Stan pulled the other half of the bracelet on.

In the living room, Ford, Dipper, and Mabel were lined up shamefacedly on the couch, like three students waiting to be lectured by the principal. Stan glowered at them each, fists on his hips. "Now, I wanna know why my own family all joined in some big secret conspiracy to help Cipher escape! Is it alien mind control?! Did you join a cult?!"

Mabel took a deep breath. "I saved him because he's my friend and I don't want him to die and he really is getting better and you'd all see it if you just gave him a chance to prove it and you just don't understand how he thinks like I do"—she took another breath—"and I promise he won't try to take over the world again just give him a chance!"

Stan's glare melted into something close to guilt. "You're... you're fine, pumpkin. I know you wouldn't have let your friend get hurt." He shot a glare at the other two conspirators. "Which is why we weren't going to tell her."

"Listen," Dipper said, "I still hate him and I don't trust him, but—but I heard part of a poem about Bill that I'm sure is a prophecy; which means he's important, we'll probably need him to save the town or something! So we can't let him die before then! He's already passed up chances to kill us and even saved Grunkle Ford and me, that proves he can restrain himself enough to be useful!" He winced, "Plus... I didn't wanna make Mabel sad. I have seen a future where she loses a friend, and it is not pretty."

Mabel leaned against Dipper. "Thanks, bro-bro."

Stan screwed up his face, but just muttered angrily under his breath about stupid prophecies and stupid life saving, and turned his glare on Ford. "Well? What's your excuse?"

Ford didn't answer, staring down at his hands, grimacing as he searched for an answer.

Stan pressed, "You told me that if you couldn't pull the trigger, you'd give me the gun. Why didn't you?"

"Because I could have pulled it! The situation was different, I—I only changed my mind because he wasn't there. If he had been, I'd have done it—"

"Would you? If you couldn't even tell me that he wasn't dead, do you really think that if he'd been right there, looking you in the eyes, you'd have done it?"

In his mind's eye, Ford could see Bill, hiding under a towel, grinning up at him with one bright eye. And Bill, collapsed beside the lake, shaking all over, sobbing so hard he didn't even notice he was clinging to Ford's stupid borrowed t-shirt like a lifeline. And Bill, staring tiredly across a chess board, telling Ford that the black king was taking the whole board down with him. And Bill, lighting up the room as he taught Ford's niece about his own long-extinct alien civilization.

And Bill, glowing golden, lighting up Ford's dream as he taught him about fifth-dimensional calculus.

Ford didn't answer.

Stan asked, "Why didn't you tell me?"

Softly, Ford said, "Because I don't want him to die."

Stan spread his arms in disbelief. "Well, why the hell not?!"

"Because—I'm—beginning to think that there might be a chance that Bill could..." he winced, "change. Maybe."

Stan's silence was deafening. Mabel leaned forward to stare around Dipper at Ford.

Ford rubbed his forehead. "I—it made sense yesterday, but it sounds stupid out loud."

Stan slowly shook his head. "Have you all lost your minds? You think he can change? You think he's part of some prophecy?! Y—Mabel, honey, you're the sweetest girl in the world, but you could do way better for friends than him."

Mabel sorta shrugged, sorta shook her head, sorta grimaced, and sorta nodded. "Yeah, but, I like him."

"WHY?!" Stan roared, making Mabel and Dipper both jump. "Why, why are any of you wasting your time on him?! Guys like him don't change! He's a dangerous, self-centered crook, and that's all he'll ever be. He's a rotten, greedy, lazy loser, he's only gotten as far as he has by conning guys smarter than him, he's got no regard for anybody but himself, all he does is cheat and lie, and if you let him stay in our lives he'll just ruin them! The best thing he could do for our family is—" Stan choked on a lump in his throat. "Is d-die."

The room was silent. Dipper and Mabel, leaning back into the sofa to get away from the rant, stared at him with wide eyes. Soos, over in an armchair bearing silent witness to this family drama, had his hands steepled in front of his face.

Stan couldn't look at Ford. He didn't know why Ford looked so sorrowful. Thickly, Stan asked, "All I want is to get rid of him—why don't you?"

He could hear Soos wince. "Oof."

Stan pointed at him. "Not a word. Not one word," he growled. "Fine—if none of you will deal with him properly," he cracked his knuckles, "I will."

Mabel flinched. Dipper moved to stand, "Grunkle Stan—" but stopped when Ford put a hand on his shoulder.

Stan stomped up the stairs. He'd wring that monster's stupid neck, and if it started the apocalypse then so be it—

He stopped halfway up the stairs. Bill was sitting on the steps, just around the landing corner, leaning against the wall, backpack in his lap. His soaked pant legs were dripping rainwater on the steps. "You," Stan snarled. "What are you doing?"

"What's it look like, genius? I'm trying to eavesdrop," Bill said. "So what'd they say?"

"What? What did who say about what?"

"About leaving me alive. Why did they say they don't want me dead?"

He asked like he was genuinely curious. Like he didn't know.

Stan stared at Bill.

"I have a good idea for Shooting Star, but the other two...?" Bill made an uncertain gesture with his hand. "I've got my top guesses, but I want to know what clinched the deal."

Stan couldn't kill him, either.

He'd already lost this fight. Pathetic lonely dead con artist who'd rather lose a tooth than look scared, how could Stan take him out? He understood too well. "Just—shut your stupid mouth, take off that stupid circus outfit, and get out of my sight, Cipher."

Bill bristled. "Hey." He stood. "What's that for? It's not like I did anything wrong. Sure, I got your whole family in on a conspiracy, but that's their mistake! I was just doing what I had to! You can't blame me for—"

"I don't blame you," Stan said.

"You d— You don't." Cautiously, Bill asked, "You... don't?"

"How can I?" He shrugged heavily. "It was self-defense. Ford should've known better—but I can't blame you. I'm not an idiot, I don't expect you to just lay down and die for us."

"Oh." Bill squinted at Stan, like he thought this was a trick and he was waiting for the other shoe to drop. "Oh. Okay." After a pause, voice uncharacteristically small and confused, he asked, "So I'm... not in trouble?"

Stan's face did a gymnastics routine. "Heck," he muttered. "No! I guess not! I don't like it, but I'm not gonna punish a guy for saving his own miserable worthless hide! Just... stay out of my way, I don't wanna see your stupid face."

"I'm just minding my own business," Bill said. He sat again and leaned on the wall, arms crossed, staring into space thoughtfully. (He didn't know what to do with a reality where he'd done something everyone hated, but nobody blamed him for it.)

Stan trudged back downstairs. Everyone was where he'd left them. He glowered at his family. They quietly waited. "Well," Stan said. "We're stuck with him now. Since somebody wasted the only bit of fuel we had that could kill him. Is everyone happy."

Nobody seemed particularly happy. Ford shifted on his seat. "Kids... you should go to bed. Stan and I need to talk."

Dipper and Mabel quickly took the opportunity to slide off the sofa and escape the room.

"Oh! Oh you bet we need to talk! You have no idea how much we need to talk—"

"Downstairs," Ford said firmly.

"What, you don't want everyone else to hear exactly what I think of your crazy stunt?"

Ford lowered his voice. "Downstairs where he can't overhear. It's important."

Stan's face twitched with the effort of suppressing more shouting; but then he growled, "Fine! But this had better be worth it. Lemme get my bathrobe, your stupid underground office is like a freezer..." He trudged from the room, grumbling. "Hey, demon! Take off your bracelet, I'm done being tied to your sorry hide." After a moment, the thread reappeared on the stair steps as they both took their ends off.

Dipper glared at Bill as he and Mabel passed him going up the stairs. Bill gave him a tiny, cheery wave. Dipper grumbled, "I can't believe you finally escaped like you wanted just to come right back."

"Hey, it wasn't my idea! Blame your sister!"

Mabel hugged him again. "Thanks for coming back."

Bill said, "Thanks for absorbing Stan's wrath for me!" He laughed.

The kids ran upstairs.

And Bill placed the tip of his broken umbrella on the stair step and quietly walked back down, winding the enchanted bracelets' thread into loops as he went.

####

Soos looked at Ford and shyly raised a hand. "So... when you said the kids should go to bed, did that include..."

"Yes, Soos," Ford said. "You should go too."

"Yes." He quietly pumped a fist. "One of the kids." As he left, he said, "Hey, Bill. Sweet coat."

Ford looked over. Hovering in the shadows of the entryway, almost glowing gold from the living room's light, Bill peered into the room. He was by the coat rack, hanging the bracelets back up. Bill said, "Fancy meeting you here."

Ford sighed irritably. "I'm not in the mood to talk, Cipher."

"Don't flatter yourself, I'm not down here for you." Bill gestured at the sofa Ford was on. "I want my bed back."

Right. Ford stood so Bill could retrieve the cushions.

As he grabbed the first cushion, Bill smirked at Ford. "So..." (Not here for you. Sure.) "What was it that swayed you?"

Ford just glowered at Bill.

Bill pressed, "Was it that handy list of starter spells I gave you? I doubt it was my chess prowess, that wasn't my best playing." He laughed, "What am I asking for! You humans are suckers for a life debt. You can consider it paid off—a life for a life, fair and square—"

"It wasn't any of those."

Bill's smile disappeared. "Then what?" he asked. "Don't tell me you did it out of the goodness of your heart, I've seen enough of yours not to buy that—"

"It was Mabel."

Bill dropped his first cushion on top of the second and awkwardly tried to get his arms around both. "What'd she say about me?"

"Nothing." Nothing that had changed Ford's mind, anyway. "It's how you treat her."

"How I—?" Bill was so baffled that he almost looked offended. "What are you talking about? I haven't been treating her any way at all! I'm just... just goofing around with her. She's a fun kid."

"Exactly," Ford said. "If you can treat just one odd little girl with kindness, for no reason—then maybe, just maybe, there's hope for you." He sighed; he felt the sternness in his face slacken. He felt tired. "At least... I want to hope there is."

There was a flash of something Ford couldn't recognize in Bill's face. Something like pain; something nearly like guilt. It was gone almost as soon as he saw it.

"Well, sure," Bill said flatly, glancing away like Ford had lost his interest. "Why wouldn't I be nice to her? I like weird freaks." He managed to stand with his awkward armload and turned away, cutting the conversation off. "Anyway. It's been a long night. I'm going to bed. You should too," he shot back over his shoulder from the bottom of the stairs, "when's the last time you got decent sleep? Your eye bags are more... bag than... eye." Bill cringed at himself. "Don— Don't say anything. I'm tired." He headed up the stairs, his umbrella hooked over his left elbow. They'd have to get that umbrella back.

Tomorrow. Ford couldn't be bothered tonight. Bill wasn't killing anybody before morning.

Ford leaned on the doorframe where he could still see Bill. "I hid your hoodie in the box of spare bedding in the loft. Under the spare pillows."

Bill stopped halfway up the stairs and turned back toward Ford. "You didn't incinerate it?"

"No."

"Why?"

"I assumed you'd be back here eventually. I thought you'd want it."

Bill's face was unreadable.

He turned away from Ford and continued upstairs without saying a word.

Mabel's crayon drawing of Bill—"YOU CAN CHANGE. I BELIEVE IN YOU!"—felt like it was burning a hole in Ford's pocket.

####

Saturday, 7:52 a.m.

Bill stole a handful of loose change out of a tip jar and timed his exit so he walked out of the Triple Digit Truck Stop just as a man walked in and kindly held the door for him.

Gravity Falls really was a charming little town. Behind the times. The Triple Digit Truck Stop had expanded significantly in the past decades to add a convenience store and additional amenities for travelers, but the diner that made up the heart of it had barely changed. Same patchy grassy parking lot, same giant lumberjack sculpture watching over the cars... same public pay phones around the left side of the building.

He put in a few coins, punched in the number he'd memorized, and leaned against the wall while he waited to be answered. "Hey, Sue! Guess who?" A smile curled across his face. "That's right. Hey, how many people can say they've been personally called by god?" He laughed. "My Star Boy told you what preparations to make, right? Good. It's time. Midnight. Just north of the county line. I'll see you there."

Then he hung up the phone, left the clearing around the diner, and vanished into the trees.

Unless something dramatically changed, he'd be meeting his dear devotee that night.

####

9:30 p.m.

Something had dramatically changed.

His disloyal devotee had saved him.

It was a long walk to the county line. If Bill wanted to make his midnight meeting with his cultist, he had to leave before sunset.

He was still up on the cliff when the last of the light left the valley, pacing restlessly back and forth—first toward the side of the cliff overlooking the town (he could see the Mystery Shack's roof through the trees), then toward the side aimed away from the valley, toward the county line.

He should go. He needed to go. He needed to go now. He needed to go two hours ago.

He'd spent three out of the last four days hiking all over this town's forests and caves. In the last thirty-six hours he'd barely gotten a quick nap. (In the morning, when Mabel heard that Ford had covered for Bill, she'd come straight here.) He told himself he didn't have the energy for the hike to the county line. (What if Mabel got here and couldn't find him?)

If he didn't show up tonight, surely his cultist would try again tomorrow night. He'd go tomorrow.

It was fine. Everything would work out for him. Everything always worked out for him.

####

Sunday, 4:10 p.m.

He'd been right. Mabel had come straight here. As the platform lifted him back up, Bill watched her wheel her bike through the trees, slowly heading toward the main road back into town.

For a midsummer day, it was chilly in the rain.

Don't you wanna be in the shack with your only friend on Earth? Would you really rather spend the rest of summer in some dumb old busted alien ship?

Interesting question.

####

8:30 p.m.

It was a long walk to the county line. Bill packed his supplies—he didn't have that much to pack, he'd only ever needed enough food and shelter to last him a couple of days. He flung one backpack over each shoulder, closed and concealed the alien ship fragment, and shrunk his floating platform with the height-altering flashlight so he could wrap it in a shirt and stuff it in his second backpack.

And then, under the cover of the rain and the falling night, he began the hike north.

####

10:45 p.m.

Even to Bill's eyes, the weirdness barrier around Gravity Falls was typically invisible. He could only see it where something touched it or passed through it, making waves travel out in circles from the point of contact. The circles glowed a dull coppery color at their peaks. Tonight, with the rain falling, the barrier rippled as though the rain were falling on the surface of a lake, and the whole thing glowed a faint filmy orange.

Precisely in the middle of the barrier was a sign marking the border of Roadkill County.

Ten feet beyond the barrier, just off the edge of the road, headlights and engine off and lurking beneath the trees, was a black car.

Bill walked straight through the weirdness barrier as though it wasn't even there. He didn't feel a thing.

The car engine started and the headlights turned on. Bill didn't even blink. The driver's door flew open and Sue popped out, fumbling to open an umbrella as she did. "Bill Cipher?"

"Hiya, Sue! You made it early."

"Oh, thank goodness." She hurried up to him. "I was so worried—I didn't know if I'd come to the wrong place, or if something had happened... And when I didn't hear anything from you the next day, and Gideon didn't know anything..." (Great, she'd gotten Gideon involved?) She started to offer Bill her umbrella, realized he was already holding a closed umbrella as a cane, looked up as she registered that no rain was falling on him, then stared at him in wonder.

"Yeah, sorry about that—an unavoidable emergency came up, I couldn't get out and couldn't call." And he'd gotten a pretty good night's sleep. "But look at you, loyal enough to come try again the next night! You're a rare sort of human soul, you know that? This world could use more people like you."

Sue flushed with pleasure. "Oh... thank you, I..."

Bill tilted his head toward the car. "Let's not talk out in the rain, huh? Another car's coming by in about a minute, I think we shouldn't be seen."

"Right! Of course, my lord." She hurried back to the car.

"There's a terrific diner just a few minutes up the road. We can talk there, it's safe enough. Cute decor, too—have you ever seen a twenty foot tall lumberjack...?" He paused uncertainly by the car. "Hey, Sue? This'll sound silly—but I'm gonna need you to get the passenger door."

The car's interior lights flashed on as Sue opened the passenger door, long enough to catch the glittery purple nail polish on Bill's fingers. Sue gave it a curious look. Even though they'd just gotten painted three days ago, the polish was already scuffed again from his escape; but a few tiny flower stickers were still sticking to his nails.

Bill grinned. "There's a thirteen-year-old staying in the shack. Sweetest thing. She's a real artist."

"Oh! I see." A smile stretched across Sue's face. Bill suspected it wasn't for Mabel. That's right, your god's good with children. He lets little girls give him goofy manicures and proudly shows them off. Chicks dig that kind of thing.

When they were both buckled in, Sue hesitated, holding the steering wheel. "Lord Cipher... I wanted to say... if my... actions the last time we met were out of line in any way, I want to apologize—"

Bill placed a finger under her chin, turned her face toward him, and kissed her lightly. (He was so smooth. He mentally congratulated himself.) "Sorry if you got confused. I had to keep the outsider from getting suspicious, get it?"

She sucked in a small breath. "I... yes. Yes, of course."

"Don't trust anything I say or do when unbelievers are listening. The only time you can be sure I'm telling the truth..." his voice dropped to a near whisper, "is when we're alone."

He could see the goosebumps raise on her arms. "Yes, my lord."

He was so good—and his worshipers were so, so stupid. That was why they followed him. "Now, let's get to that diner, huh?"

As they got on the road, he studied his nails; to a normal human it was too dark to see, but to Bill's eyes they still glittered bright purple. The question Mabel had asked him earlier had been playing over and over in his mind all afternoon: Would you really rather spend the rest of summer in some dumb old busted alien ship?

Naive, trusting kid.

She really thought she was his best option.

######

"... And then, as if directly launching a psychic attack on my ethereal essence and forcing me into a mortal fleshly form wasn't bad enough," Bill said, "they imprisoned me! And get this: just to rub salt in the wound, they thought it would be funny to take a divine muse who's spent an eternity helping mortals build doorways between dimensions—and curse it so it can't open doors. I have to ask my kidnappers to open the fridge for me. Have you ever heard something so condescending?"

"Insane. That's just sadistic," Sue said. "After all you tried to do for them."

"You don't know what a comfort it is to hear a human say that."

They fell silent as someone approached. A waitress stopped next to their table. "Hey, I—Goldie!"

"Dani Miranda! Hey, how's it going! I see you found the treasure map I left you."

Dani was wearing two large gold earrings, two heavy gold necklaces each with a large gem-encrusted pendant, and four rings. "Yes, oh my gosh. I cannot believe you knew where a whole treasure chest was and you just gave it to me? That's the nicest thing ever?"

That's right, it was. "What are you doing working here! You can retire on that kind of money. Unless you want to rebury all that gold yourself?" He'd respect that.

"I'm still getting it appraised. Besides, I like talking to the late night travelers."

Bill ordered a strawberry banana shake, the monthly pancake special—which meant three quarters of the pile covered in stripes of strawberry sauce and cream cheese frosting and one quarter covered in a big puddle of blueberry sauce—floppy bacon, three eggs prepared "any way except scrambled," a cup of bleu cheese dressing, a cup of salsa, and a bottle of hot sauce. Sue ordered a water and a small grilled chicken salad.

(Bill tried to remember whether the Death Valley girls were one of his "purify the flesh by practicing harsh asceticism" cults or his "hedonistically revel in the pleasures of the senses" cults, in case he needed to make up a justification for why god was ordering pancakes instead of practicing what he preached—something something a human body containing a divine soul burns through much more energy, maybe—but no, he had the Death Valley girls on psychedelics, that was a hedonism cult. He kept them controlled through drugs, exhaustion, and poor air conditioning, not starvation. Small grilled chicken salad, indeed. The only thing stronger than cult brainwashing was diet industry brainwashing.)

When Dani was safely out of earshot, Sue lowered her voice and asked, "'Goldie'?"

"My captors decided to keep my identity secret so an angry mob won't execute me before they get the chance," Bill said. "The entire town's against the All-Seeing Eye named Bill; but only a handful know there's anything unusual about the handsome human in the Mystery Shack they've been calling Goldie."

She looked taken aback at the angry mob comment. "The entire town's against you?" Her gaze roved around the Triple Digit Truck Stop, taking in a lone trucker several tables away and a bored waiter scrolling on his phone behind the counter. "Is there anyone we can trust?"

"Gideon's on our side, of course—good kid—but, well... he isn't completely reliable. You know what happens with child celebrities. The fame and fortune spoils 'em a bit."

"I never would have guessed from his television appearances. He seems so... gracious."

Bill choked back a laugh. "He'll grow up all right—he's just going through a phase. But I'd rather not trust him with more involvement than necessary until he... matures a little."

"I understand." Sue sighed. "It's too bad the dawn of the new age didn't begin closer to us, where we could have assisted your work."

She didn't have the guts to question her god, but Bill heard the implicit question: why here? Why in some tiny tourist town that didn't even like tourists, buried in a forest in the middle of nowhere, amongst the ignorant ungrateful masses? "Yeah—too bad," Bill agreed with a shrug. "But hey, I didn't choose where the veil between worlds would be thinnest! There's energy in this town like nowhere else on your planet. It's the only place where a machine built with modern human technology is strong enough to punch through dimensions—and that's with the help of extraterrestrial equipment."

Besides, he didn't like Death Valley.

Dani returned from the kitchen. "One chicken salad, and one breakfast combo with the pancakes of the month."

"Great! I'm starving." Bill picked up the little plastic cup of salsa and dumped it into his shake. Sue choked on her water.

Dani's brows shot up. "Is—is that good?"

"What can I say, I've got the palate of an alien." (Sue choked on the sip she'd taken to recover from her first sip of water.) Bill poured the bleu cheese over his eggs, then started drizzling hot sauce on his pancakes. "Anyway, it keeps people from stealing my food."

"I guess so!" Dani laughed. She hovered near their table a little too long; and then she said, "Okay, I've got to ask: how did you know where to find buried treasure? I mean...!"

"I know lots of things." He fought down a smirk. "I happen to be psychic."

"No way." But she looked curious. She wanted to believe.

Bill had had a hunch that giving her that treasure would pay off. Nice to know his understanding of human nature was still sharp, even when he couldn't double-check the far future to see how his meddling would turn out. "If I wasn't psychic, would I have known your last name? Or where that treasure chest was?" he asked. "Or that you keep three pictures of tarantulas and a Canadian twenty in your wallet? Or that you have recurring dreams of trying to hide in sewer manholes from a fire-breathing dragon?" While he waited for her to process that, he triumphantly dug into his pancakes. He had a feeling he wouldn't be eating much more before his food got cold.

Dani's smile had disappeared. The blood drained from her face. "How...?"

"I'm... let's say, connected to a higher plain. I can see dimensions most humans can't."

"It's true," Sue piped up. (Bill took the opportunity to dig into an egg. Oh, the bleu cheese was a great choice.) "The insights h—she's offered me and so many others have been... life-changing. World-changing." Good girl.

"Insights?" Dani asked weakly.

Bill shrugged modestly. "You could call me a 'spiritual teacher,' I suppose, but that makes it sound like I'm preaching some kind of religion! All I do is teach people what I know and tell people what I see if I think it'll help 'em. Like if I see a bunch of buried gold that could change the life of a nice kid working minimum wage."

Dani reflexively touched one of her necklaces.

"You didn't think going to parties in togas was my full-time job, did you?" Bill laughed.

Dani laughed feebly too. She hadn't moved away. She was closer now, her thigh leaning against the edge of the table. "That's... wow. I've never met an actual psychic before. I mean—I went to one of Lil Gideon's live shows, but that was before the big scandal and his arrest."

"You hate to see a pillar of the community go down like that, don't you?"

"What..." Dani swallowed hard, lowered her voice, and asked, "What kinds of things does a psychic 'teach'?"

Got her. "It depends! Everyone's got different lessons they need to learn, right?" He slid out of his seat, nodded toward Sue, and said, "Excuse me ladies—I'd love to elaborate, but I'm afraid I need to hit the restroom. Sue, why don't you tell her what you've learned about, give her a concrete idea of what I do."

"It would be my honor."

As Bill passed Sue, he leaned over and whispered, "Don't mention triangles." And then he got out of her way, to let Sue do what his Death Valley girls did best.

####

When he returned to his seat, Sue leaned over the table and murmured, "I got her phone number and email."

"Good work. I bet she'd be an easy recruit."

"I bet. She's already asking how much lessons cost."

"What'd you say?"

"You offer your help to others for free, but cover your living expenses and travel costs with donations."

"Attagirl." It had been easier to use that line when he was a triangle—of course our great mentor and muse doesn't need money, he's above such earthly concerns; his mortal devotees who spread his word, though, subsist on donations... It was better for his image. They'd just have to modify their fundraising pitch for a while. "This is exactly what I hoped would happen when I invited you to this diner. I knew you wouldn't let me down."

The ghost of a smile flitted across Sue's face. "I'll follow up with her by phone. It's a pity we don't have enough time to really put the pressure on her in person."

"Why not? I bet we'd win her over in less than a week."

"I've already contacted the main compound in Death Valley. We've got plane tickets for first thing in the morning."

(Bill's blood ran cold. Somehow, it hadn't dawned on him until that moment that escaping Gravity Falls meant leaving Gravity Falls.)

"I have a motel room a few towns over, it was the closest I could find to Gravity Falls," Sue went on. "It's a straight shot to the Portland airport in the morning. Everyone's so excited—"

"Hold on," Bill said, figuring out what he was about to say next as he went. "There's been a last minute change of plans. I'm staying in Gravity Falls."

Sue stared at him. "But—my lord! You're a prisoner here, why wouldn't you come home to the people who love you?"

Love you, love you, love you. The word love alone was nearly enough to make him change his mind again. How he missed being revered. He could picture them now, these zealots who adored him so much they'd willingly bend their bodies into a throne to lift him up—and he didn't even need to turn them to stone first. It would be so easy to get away from all his human enemies forever...

Don't you wanna be in the shack with your only friend on Earth?

He shook his head. "Two reasons," he said. "One: no matter what, eventually I'll have to come back. The Age of the Triangle can only dawn in Gravity Falls. Staying makes it that much easier to get things started again. And two... I'm—working on a couple of potential recruits." He was? Wow. He was impressed at himself.

"You mean Gideon, or...?"

"No, others. One's the girl who helped me escape." He drummed his fingers on the table, calling attention to his purple fingernails. "She's a good kid. Lots of potential. Could be a real leader someday—she's a natural fit for our new world. She's got a few strings, but I'm working on helping her untie 'em."

Strings was a term that Mary, the leader of the Death Valley compound, had come up with and spread to the other girls: it meant petty mortal concerns that could tangle and tie you up, dragging you away from pursuing true spiritual growth and preparing for a better, liberated world. Your childhood religious beliefs were a string. The misguided ideas about morality you learned from the secular world were a string. Your job was a string. Your spouse was a string. Your family was a lot of strings. The intervention where your friends sat you down and told you they were worried about how much you'd changed lately and they were afraid you'd joined some kind of cult was a string. You had to cut them all.

And then Bill could tie on his puppet strings in their place.

"How old is she?"

"Thirteen. Fourteen at the end of the summer."

"Oh, wow—younger than I thought. That's great, kids are more open-minded," Sue said. "Though if she decides to join, it'll be hard to get her away from her family without a kidnapping charge..."

"Ugh, you don't need to remind me. I remember how we almost lost Karen and Jennifer. The legal system in this country is a mess." Bill had needed to torture that divorce court judge with nightmares for weeks before he caved and awarded Jennifer's mother sole custody so they could move to the Death Valley compound together. "But hey, got some good news: the other potential recruit. You remember the 'ex-cultist' who gave you gals my location. He turned on the humans who are pushing to execute me. He's almost back on our side. And he just so happens to be the girl's great-uncle. The family trusts him. If we can get 'em to pass her to him as her guardian, then she's ours. We can work out how to get her to the compound later." That was a lie. Bill was never handing Mabel to the Death Valley girls. She was better than them.

Sue looked less enthusiastic for this ex-cultist than she had for the girl. "Is he one of your captors...?"

Bill waved off her concerns, frowning. "Look. He's obviously been corrupted by the outside world. I lost contact with him for thirty years and he came back with more strings than a mop head. But I don't think he's beyond purification. He's already shown major improvement, now that he's once again under the shining light of my influence."

"But, this town..." Sue shook her head doubtfully. "Cipher, my lord, they nearly killed you once. You'd risk staying just to try to recruit two people? One who's already betrayed you—?"

"Yes!" Bill snapped. Sue flinched. "They're worth it." (He didn't question his own vehemence, his own anger at their value being doubted. He rarely questioned himself. If he asked questions, he might get answers.) "Don't you dare let this face fool you—I'm still your all-seeing god and I know what I'm doing better than you do. These two are perfect. The Age of the Triangle needs them. The traitor will repent. He WILL worship me again."

Sue stared at him with wide eyes; for a split second her breath froze in fear. She gave him a tiny nod. "Of course, my lord. My apologies."

Dani appeared at their table again. "Hey, how was everything?"

And Bill was immediately all good cheer. "Terrific, thanks!"

"Great!"

As Sue reached for her wallet, Dani waved her off. "Oh, don't worry about it—it's on the house." She winked. "I think I can afford to cover it."

Already making donations to the cause. Pretty soon all the profits from her treasure chest would be in one of Bill's bank accounts.

As they headed back out into the rain, Sue said, "So, we're staying in town at least long enough to pick up another three recruits?"

"Maybe four," Bill said. "There's another kid in town I think needs some help finding a direction."

"Another? Is this one old enough to leave home alone?"

"Not for a couple more years—but she's dying to get out just as fast as she can," Bill said. "I think you can handle her."

####

They parked just up the road from the Mystery Shack and turned the headlights off.

"Here's everything Gideon said you wanted," Sue said, handing over a paper bag. "Candles, matchbook, knife, pens, spare notebooks, five thousand dollars, a burner phone, new clothes..."

Bill pulled out a flashy golden sequin-covered coat. "Oooh!" He dug around until he also found a button-up shirt and a pair of black opera gloves. He shrugged on the shirt.

"That's... what Gideon said you requested, right?" Sue eyed the tacky, gaudy coat uncertainly.

"As long as I'm in this body, I don't have the benefit of showing up glowing in people's dreams when I have something they need to hear! I need to make them pay attention any way I can." Also, normal people had boring tastes and sequins were fantastic. He buttoned up the shirt.

"I also brought—I—thought you might want..." She held out a large pendant on a thin chain. It was an eye inscribed inside a triangle inscribed inside a circle; rays radiated out from the eye, as though it were the sun. Bill's heart leaped into his throat at the sight of it.

He realized this was the first time since his death that he'd seen his own face in any form other than a thirteen-year-old's artwork—and his own corpse. His face was ubiquitous on this planet; it was plastered on everything from money to buildings to common consumer goods. Its conspicuous absence in Gravity Falls was uncanny.

"I'm not sure if it's inappropriate—"

"It's perfect." Bill snatched the necklace from her and fiddled with the clasp until he got it on. "Exactly what I need. What did I always say about your intuition?" He considered the gloves, decided he wasn't ready to pull them on quite yet, and shrugged on the coat instead.

She restrained a pleased smile at the flattery. "Thank you, my lord."

She looked out the windshield. Just up the road was a flock of wooden signs and arrows pointing which way to turn to reach the Mystery Shack. Bill wondered whether Sue's eyes had adjusted enough to the dark that she could see their silhouettes. Sue said, "If you're not coming back to us yet, then I suppose it's time to..."

"Hold on a minute," Bill said. "You've been a bigger help tonight than you know. If it weren't for your loyalty and diligence, I wouldn't have been able to consider escaping." Blah blah blah. The truth was he'd been soaking in her reverence for the past hour and a half, like a dehydrated cactus under a cloudburst, and he wasn't leaving until he'd sucked every drop from her. "There isn't a lot I can do for you right now, trapped in this form, but you deserve a reward." He leaned toward her, his elbow against her car seat, hand on the headrest. "Let me express my gratitude the way I would have if we hadn't been interrupted during our last meeting." He tilted his head toward the back seat.

She froze as she processed the offer; and then she leaned in to kiss him hungrily.

####

"The tide's changing in this town," Bill said, pulling on his gloves, smoothing his hair back into place, putting his new coat back on. "The dawn is coming. You should stay in town now that our enemies are losing their teeth."

"Yes, Lord Cipher," she said breathlessly, still trying to get her wits about her.

(From what Bill had eavesdropped between her and Dani while he was pretending to be in the restroom, he was right that she'd been one of his "dissatisfied housewife" converts. This was probably the first time she'd ever been touched by somebody who understood anatomy. Unfortunately, she didn't know how to return the favor. But he'd been touched by reverent hands, he'd tasted tears, he'd heard a voice whine "Bill, my god, my god, my god—" That would have to hold him for a while.)

"And ditch the rental. Buy a used car," Bill said. "There's a place in town called Gleeful Auto Sales. Ask Bud for the best car on the lot, pay whatever he asks—and tell him Mr. Locke sent you."

"'Gleeful' as in...?"

"His father. My Star Boy was the only person in town who supported me—and the town's turned on his family for it. They could use our help."

Sue pursed her lips in displeasure. "Of course."

Bill gestured toward his door. "I think we've put this off long enough."

While he waited for her to get his door, he slung his two backpacks over each shoulder. Under his breath, he muttered, "'Coffee break's over; back on your heads.'"

Sue opened the door; he picked up his umbrella and stepped out into the rain.

As he walked back to his prison, he tucked his necklace beneath his shirt.

Bill reminded himself that he didn't have anything to be afraid of. Ford had thrown away the one shot that could have killed him. He was safe.

####

1:20 a.m.

As Stan followed Ford into his underground study, he shot a glance at the barren far end of the room. He grumbled, "Nice to see you haven't started putting triangle posters back up."

"I'm not..." Ford sighed in irritation. "Never mind."

"So what's so important that you had to drag me down to your nerd cave? If this isn't good—"

"I didn't waste our shot."

"What?"

At his metal worktable, Ford unlatched the Quantum Destabilizer's carrying case and opened it. "You said I wasted the only fuel we had. I didn't." He detached the NowUSeeitNowUDontium's fuel tank and held it out. The needle on the side indicated it was about a quarter full—nowhere near its full capacity, but enough for one shot, and just as much as they'd brought home from Fiddleford's.

Stan gaped. "But... hold on—we saw that shot through the walls. How the heck did you fake...?"

"Before he started developing a process to generate Dontium, Fiddleford came up with a power adaptor that could plug into the town's electricity." Ford picked up the power cord wound up in the carrying case. "He determined that it only gave the Destabilizer enough power to operate like a laser, not destroy matter and energy, so we still needed to develop the Dontium... but, I still had the cord on hand."

####

Saturday, 12:07 p.m.

Ford looked at the dummy. Looked at the note.

And then he lay the note on the dummy, knelt by the edge of the loft, opened his case, and removed the Quantum Destabilizer.

He slid out its fuel tank, returned it to the case, and pulled out the cord.

He climbed down to the bedroom; unplugged the room's air conditioning unit from its dedicated higher voltage wall socket; and plugged in the Quantum Destabilizer's cord.

In the loft, trying to figure out how to plug the other end of the cord into the Quantum Destabilizer, he was suddenly struck by the hair-raising feeling that someone was watching him. He whipped around; the eye on Bill's hood stared at him resentfully.

Ford stared back at it a moment; then he stood, pulled the hoodie off the dummy, and stuffed it into a nearby box.

He knelt. He plugged in the cable. He carefully lined up the shot with the dummy.

He fired.

####

12:09 p.m.

The atmosphere abruptly grew eerily quiet and still as the unplugged air conditioning unit fell silent. There was a shrill, whistling shriek and a blast of blue-white light so brilliant it pierced the cracks of the wooden boards in the attic bedroom's walls.

Every light in the house went out as the Quantum Destabilizer's power adapter drained every drop of electricity in town.

####

12:10 p.m.

The air was hot, stagnant, and stuffy. There was a pile of ashes three feet in front of Ford's knees.

Ford heard Dipper and Stan come into the bedroom and climb the ladder. He was seized by an urge to sweep away the ashes and the evidence of his trick before they could realize what he'd done:

The Quantum Destabilizer, at full power, completely destroyed all matter and energy.

It didn't leave behind ashes.

####

Monday, 1:23 a.m.

Ford said, "Bill left a letter in the attic asking me to help cover his getaway. If I didn't fire the gun, Bill would have known I'd told you he escaped. But if he could see the Quantum Destabilizer firing, he'd think I'd chosen his side. The only way to lure him back to the shack was by making him think I'd used up the only substance we have that could destroy him." He muttered, "Granted, I'd assumed he'd try to contact me secretly rather than knock on the door in the middle of the night, but..."

Stan gaped at Ford. Then he burst into loud laughter. "Sixer, you tricky sonova! I don't believe it!" He socked his arm. "I oughta retire from the conning business and hand it over to you!"

A smile slowly crept up Ford's face.

Stan pointed with his thumb over his shoulder at the elevator. "So we can go up there and finish him off now, right? Just wait for him to fall asleep, and...?"

Ford's smile disappeared. "No."

"N—What do you mean, 'no'?"

"I..." He took a deep breath as he chose his words. "I was serious, earlier, when I... said I want to give him a chance."

"Wh—? Still? Ford, come on, you can't think he deserves it?"

"No. Of course not. Not even close." Ford didn't hesitate. "But... does he need to deserve a chance to get one? I wonder if maybe Mabel's on to something. If he could be better, he can't show us unless we give him the second chance—before he's earned it." He sounded like a lunatic. "He can't earn it if he's dead."

Stan looked for a moment like he wanted to argue; and then something painful flashed through his eyes; and then he looked away from Ford, scowling to himself as he thought. He sighed heavily. "Yeah. Okay. Fine. Darn it, I don't wanna do it either. The creep's actually starting to grow on me. Like some kind of foot fungus."

Ford huffed. "What's important is, if we give him a chance and he throws it away, I haven't left us unarmed." He gestured to the unplugged fuel tank.

Stan looked at the tank; then looked at Ford. "You could've told us about the power cord trick yesterday, and you didn't." Stan crossed his arms. "Be honest. Do you really think, if it came down to it, you'd be able to pull the trigger now?"

"No." And again Ford didn't hesitate. "I want to believe I could; but I... don't trust myself. Yesterday morning, I never would have thought I'd decide against executing him for any reason. I know Bill's playing games with me, and yet I'm still playing along—so what else might I do?" He shrugged helplessly. He hated that Bill could still take control of his mind—even when he couldn't physically get inside it. "To some extent, he's gotten into all our heads."

Stan grimaced, but he didn't argue.

"That's why I think Fiddleford should keep the Quantum Destabilizer. He's never been taken in by Bill's tricks. If it becomes necessary, he won't hesitate."

"You know the situation's bad when Old Man McGucket's the voice of reason," Stan muttered. "But, I like that idea.  We can drop it off with him in the morning."

Ford sighed. "He's probably spent the last two days thinking Bill's dead. He won't be happy to see us."

As they walked back to the elevator, Stan said, "Maybe leaving Bill alive isn't an end-of-the-world bad idea. How much trouble can he get in when he can't escape that magic barrier around town?"

"That's true," Ford said. "He's essentially harmless—at least to the rest of the universe."

Ford didn't have anything to be afraid of. Bill was trapped in the weirdness barrier; and he couldn't even leave the shack without help. They were safe.

####

As fancy as his new coat looked, Bill was was grateful to crawl back into the comfortingly formless body-obscuring shelter of his hoodie. He pulled his hood over his face, curled up on his usual cushions (sigh) in his usual spot (sigh), and quickly fell asleep.

And began to dream.

And, in his dream, saw through his nearby eyes.

In his sleep, he could see the attic from where he lay on his cushions. He sat up, realized his vision was crooked, straightened out his hood, and stood; and he began sleepwalking.

He crept silently downstairs. He walked backwards into the gift shop. He walked up to a spinning rack of keychains that Soos had set up on the display case, took off his necklace, and hung it from one of the hooks.

He pulled aside the curtain hiding the ladder to the roof.

Bill was very good at lying. Bill was very good at lying to himself. No, that wasn't true—Bill had never lied to himself in his life, and he was willing to kill anyone who tried to say he had. Bill didn't tell himself lies; he told himself what should be the truth. Believing in a new reality was the first step toward making it real. All you had to do was lie until you weren't lying anymore—and then, you'd never lied at all. It was very simple.

He'd spent billions of years swimming in and out of dreams, until he was more comfortable with how reality worked in dreams than he was with how reality worked in actual reality; and there was no other state of existence where the line between truth and lie was blurriest. Unlike the physical world, where altering reality tended to require a little more actual work, in a dream, lying until it came true really was as simple as thinking about your new truth.

That was all it took. One bright, lucid thought to shine order through the confused fog of the subconscious.

Bill was getting good at lucid dreaming.

Bill was dreaming now.

A couple of weeks ago, Bill had heard Wendy called the trap doors in the ceiling "roof lids."

No, that wasn't true. A couple of weeks ago, Bill had heard Wendy call the roof lids "roof lids," because that was what they were. Bill couldn't open doors, didn't have the first idea of what to do with a door, but he could open lids. Jar lids. Pot lids. Toilet lids. He'd practiced with toilet lids—they had hinges, that made them the most similar to roof lids. If he could open all those lids, he could open these lids.

As he stared, the trap doors changed, in the way that dream images had of swimming and shifting dizzily before your eyes, into roof lids.

He climbed the ladder, pushed up the roof lid, climbed through; and then opened the second one that led onto the roof. He moved so silently. The rickety rungs and old wooden boards didn't even creak beneath his footsteps. He climbed out, sleepwalked his way to the roof hangout spot, and jumped off the roof.

He descended, slow as a feather, to land lightly on the ground, as though gravity hardly touched him.

Almost a month ago, on his birthday, Stan had taken off his gold chain and chucked it off into the forest so he could put on his birthday gift instead. Bill had watched enviously from the window. Now, triumphantly, he scooped up the long-coveted chain and wrapped it several times around his wrist.

And then he went to the tree where he'd hung up his second backpack full of contraband and retrieved it.

There were several pine trees right next to the shack. As near-weightless as Bill was in his dream, it was easy for him to climb one of the trees and get back on the roof.

In the gift shop, the vending machine swung open as Stan and Ford returned to the house level. They went into the living room, heading toward bed. The All-Seeing Eye hanging on the keychain rack watched as the door swung shut behind them. After waiting a few more seconds to ensure they were gone, Bill slid down onto the ladder, shut the roof lid, and jumped noiselessly to the floor. He retrieved his necklace from the keychain rack.

This was a vending machine. It wasn't a door. It clearly wasn't a door. Bill punched in the vending machine's code and stepped back as it swung aside for him. He crept down the stairs.

This was an elevator. The elevator had doors, and he didn't know how to open them, but he wasn't worrying about those. The doors would sort themselves out somehow. All he cared about was the elevator. He was NOT trying to open the doors. He wasn't even thinking about opening the doors. He pushed the button to call the elevator.

The elevator doors slid open. See, just like he'd thought: the doors took care of themselves.

He pushed the button for the lowest floor. The doors slid shut.

As he rode down, he wove his new necklace's thin chain between the links of Stan's much thicker chain. Oh yeah. That looked much better. 

The doors opened again into the interdimensional portal's control room.

He put on his necklace and stepped out. It was about time he made it back here. Bill really should have taken more time to check this place out at the start of summer. Why had he been in such a rush to kill the Pines? He'd had time travel. He could have rebuilt the entire portal by himself, won the lotto in Texas, spent a week in a seven star hotel, watched the Titanic sink, become President Trembley's First Lady, gotten Mysterious Mo's autograph, planted a NASA rocket in an Aztec temple just to give those ancient alien morons an undeserved but funny win, and then come back to finish the job.

Well, hindsight, whatever. At least he had a list of things to do if he ever got his hands on that time tape again. Anyway, he was back now.

He didn't think he'd need to be asleep to get back into the gift shop, and he probably needed his full brain turned on for the task ahead. He pulled his hood off, opened his eyes, and woke up.

The world looked so much less malleable.

He fished a notebook and red and black pens from his backpack, picked his way through the rubble of the portal, and began taking notes in Plaintext on how many parts were salvageable. Every few minutes, he flipped a page forward to begin work on blueprints for a new portal.

####

(And that concludes... season 1. idk out of how many seasons, but it sure feels like a season finale, don't it?

Next week's The Book Of Bill y'all! I'll be posting a chapter, but which chapter depends on TBOB. If TBOB is either compatible with the backstory I've got for Bill, or so wildly incompatible that there's no way I can reconcile my backstory so don't bother trying, I'll be posting a flashback chapter! But if TBOB is compatible enough that i MIGHT be able to reconcile it with my backstory with a lot of editing, I'll be posting the first chapter of "season 2" to give me time to edit the flashback. We'll find out next Tuesday!

In the meantime, a whole lot happened in this chapter, and I can't wait to hear what y'all think—about this chapter, about everything that's happened so far, about what's coming up, whatever!)

[mrs-harrington-reid]

Begin Again

Snow on the beach

" I can’t speak, afraid to jinx it. I can’t even dare to wish it but your eyes are flying saucers from another planet. Now I’m all for you like Janet can this be a real thing, can it?” - Taylor Swift

Pairing: Post Prison Spencer x Single Mom Reader

Summary: Spencer's therapist had encouraged him to get back into the dating scene to improve his mental wellness but after multiple failed blind dates Spencer feels that it is doing the exact opposite. That is until JJ and Garcia set him up with you.

Warnings: talking about traumatic dates, fluffity fluffy fluff, post prison spencer just being a little lover boy cutie pahtootie, lmk if I missed anything else!

Begin Again (Masterlist)

It wasn't that the girls Spencer went on blind dates with were horrible, they just weren't exactly the best. His first date was with a nice women that was in the same book club as Garcia. The date had gone wonderful until she asked if he had a chip in his neck so that the government could track him, and he would've laughed if she wasn't being completely serious. The next one was a girl who used to nanny Henry, that was all fun and games until her ex boyfriend showed up at the restaurant and she left Spencer with nothing but the bill.

Then there was the one who had too much wine and threw up all over him, the one who believed that the earth was flat and that the holocaust never happened, the one who just wanted a signed book from Rossi, and so on. He had been on at least ten failed dates within the spand of three months and to say he was over it would be an understatement.

"Oh come on Spence just give this one a try." JJ pleaded as they walked into the elevator with Garcia.

"I just don't see how this girl could possibly be any better than the last ten that you and Garcia set me up with."

"But she is!" Garcia exclaimed. "You see me and the all so lovely JJ realized the problem was that we hadn't picked a girl for you together as a team so that's exactly what we did and she will blow your little genius mind."

"fine." He huffed in defeat "but if this date ends horribly you have to promise to never set me up again."

Both the girls agreed to the deal so Garcia sent him your number as fast as she possibly could've.

All he could do was pray that they were right and that this date would turn out to be better than the last ones.

_

You adjusted your knitted sweater while you intensely examined yourself in the mirror. You wondered if you had put on too much makeup or if your tan knitted sweater with jeans and converse was too lazy for a first date.

"Can you stop fixing something every five seconds your seriously stressing me out." Your best friend Liv pleaded behind you while her head hung off the edge of your bed.

"I'm scared liv this is the first date I've been on in a long time and I don't want it to turn into a dumpster fire of a night." You sighed and brushed out the curls in your hair one more time.

"I think its going to be just fine from what you told me this guy is just as awkward as you are so maybe it's like a match made in dork heaven." She laughed.

"He seems super sweet I'm just scared he's going to run for the hills as soon as I tell him about Autumn."

“If he has a problem with the fact that you have a daughter he clearly isn't mature enough to handle a real relationship and needs to start acting his age."

Most men you tried to date either immediately ran or told you that they "weren't looking for anything serious right now" after you told them a out Autumn. You just prayed that Spencer would be the exception considering he was six years older than you and had experienced a little more life than you had.

The ping of a text message distracted you from your previous thoughts. "Okay liv, Spencer is going to be here in five minutes to pick me up. Theo is dropping Autumn off at seven and remember please she needs to be in bed by eight or else she gets grumpy in the morning and I'll be home at least by eight thirty." You rambled.

"don't you worry about Autumn she's going to have a great time with the world's greatest god mother. Also I already took the day off so go clean out your cobwebs tonight, I got this." You both let out a laugh at her last comment.

"I just feel so guilty leaving Autumn the day she comes home from her dad's. I promise I will be home by at least nine so maybe I can call in too and we can go get brunch in the morning?" You suggested fixing your earrings; finally feeling less anxious about how this would all play out.

Before liv could answer you the doorbell rang signaling you that either Spencer was waiting or Theo had been there early to drop Autumn off. Your heart rate picked up as you grabbed your purse and walked to the front door and slowly turned the knob.

"Hi you must be Y/N" Spencer smiled when you opened the door. You hadn't expected him to walk all the way up to your door and knock. Most of the guys you'd gone out with were the drive by and honk type, especially Autumns father Theo when you were dating.

"Yes I am and you must be the famous Dr. Spencer Reid I've heard so much about." You beamed as you walked out and shut your door behind you as soon as you heard liv open her mouth.

"Only good things I hope?"

"I think we both know JJ and Penelope would never dare to say anything bad about you." You said as you both approached his car, blushing when he opened the car door for you.

You were sort of confused at the fact that he insisted on picking you up. You could’ve sworn that you remembered JJ saying something about how he hated driving.

The drive was mostly silent and sort of awkward on your way to the unknown restaurant that Penelope had insisted he take you to after you told her that you enjoyed pasta, she had made your guys' reservation and everything. And when you arrived he opened your door for you once again. Even after being told almost every detail about the man standing before you still felt extremely nervous to make conversation.

"So JJ tells me that your a teacher." He attempts to make small talk.

"I am. I teach kindergarten, honestly I wanted to be an English Lit professor but you kinda of have to wait for one of those guys to die before the position is opened." You winced at your own shitty joke. You and Liv had always joked about how college professors looked like they were decomposing but Spencer didn't know that. And now that you’re thinking about it you remember Penelope telling you that Spencer was a professor when he wasn't with the BAU.

He let out at small laugh and you were absolutely flabbergasted. He got your joke? And he laughed? You were starting to wonder if this was just a laugh at all her jokes type of flirt tactic. But then again JJ had told you that he was sort of oblivious and bad at flirting.

"That's so true. You know the average age of college professors in the United States is 42 but there are significantly more faculty that reported their age at 55 and above so technically there's a lot more old professors in the USA than young professors." He rambled.

"I didn't know that." You smiled. He did understand your joke.

When you arrived at the front door of the restaurant you were met with a sign that said "CLOSED" in bold letters. You swear you could've cried you were only twenty minutes into the date and it had been so wonderful until this.

"oh...well if you wanted we could find a food truck and eat in my car? But only if you want to." He suggested, anxiously waiting for your response. You noticed him fidgeting with his fingers and you immediately interpreted that he was outside his comfort zone asking you to stay but he was still trying nonetheless.

"This isn't your master plan to drive to some viewpoint and get me in your back seat is it?" you smiled trying to ease his anxiety.

"I promise" he held his hands up.

You both walked back to his car unable to stop smiling. He was glad that you already weren't like the other girls he had gone on dates with. And you were happy that he wasn't as douche like the other guys you had been on dates with but you also still needed to tell him about autumn before you fully came to any conclusion about his character.

"Spencer before we continue this date I have something I need to tell you." You stopped walking and looked at him and he had fully set into a panic. This is it. This is when you would turn out to be just as insane as the other ones. He braced himself for your next words. "I have a one year daughter. I needed to tell you before I got too attached and you decided to run. I told JJ and Penelope not to tell you so that I could see how you reacted."

He exhaled a breath he didn't even know he was holding in. "That's a relief."

You quirked your brow at him. "So you don't care that I have a daughter at home?"

"Not at all" he reassured you "I actually quite like kids. I've never had any of my own but I have my two godsons and they're wonderful." You smiled at him. How could he have been so damn perfect.

You continued walking and he opened the door for you once again when you reached his car. And once you were both in the small talk started up again. "So I assume you know how I know JJ and Garcia but how did you meet them." He was still astounded at the fact that they both knew someone this perfect and didn't set you up with him sooner.

"I used to be Henry's teacher and then when my I had my daughter me and JJ were in a mom group together and we became friends. And then I met Penelope when JJ invited me out one night and I've been friends with the both of them ever since." You responded. "And I'm guessing your Henry's godfather that he dressed up as for Halloween when I had him as a student?"

"How did you know? That was such a long time ago I'm surprised you even remember that." He smiled at the fond memory.

"Because it was probably the cutest little costume I had ever seen and extremely creative might I add. My daughter was a pumpkin for her first Halloween and Henry beat her in cuteness by a long shot." You gushed. "But don't ever tell her I said that."

"Can you tell me about her? Your daughter." Spencer asked. You felt like you needed to pinch your arm to see if this was real.

"Her name is Autumn. I named her that because she was born in October and my favorite poem is Autumn by Alice Clary. She has so much personality for a one year old and she’s just so beautiful and amazing. I never saw myself being a mom but now that I am I couldn’t imagine anything else." He admired the way your eyes sparkled and your voiced softened when you talked about her. It was so incredible how in love you were with being a mother. He parked the car and you both walked out and towards the first food truck that you had passed neither of you cared what kind of food it was considering you were absolutely starving.

Within the next couple of hours you had both ordered your food and we're currently eating it as you spoke on the hood of Spencer's car. He has his head thrown back laughing as you told a story about one of your lousy dates that you had been on in the past.

"So I really thought I got stood up and I was ready to leave until this guy shows up and explained to me that he had to have his mom drop him off because he missed the bus. And then he continues to tell me all about how he still lived in her basement and was unemployed." You laughed.

"What did you tell him."

"I pretended that Autumns dad called me and told me that she was sick and I had to leave immediately." You responded "and then he asked me if I could take him back to his mom's house on my way. I ended up taking him home and paying for my own dinner."

"I can do you one better." Spencer laughed "One time JJ set me up with this woman from your mom group named Amy and she seemed okay until she started drinking and in the middle of me telling her what I do for a living she threw up all over me in the middle of the restaurant. I had to carry her out because she could barely walk and I swear my car smelled like puke for a week."

"why would JJ even set you up with her" you wheezed "we literally call her alcoholic Amy. She always has a flask in her son’s diaper bag it’s absurd.” You giggled.

Spencer sat there admiring your beauty as you laughed. Something about you made him feel so comfortable. In the short time you'd known each other you made him feel so comfortable that he didn't need to hide behind all his knowledge. Comfortable enough that he could just be a carefree and casual version of himself that he barely even knew existed. He felt bold and confident in your presence and it made him so truly happy.

Your phone starting to ring. You picked it up extremely fast, scared that it was Liv wanting to face time to tell you that something was wrong with Autumn. But Penelope's name and face was the only thing that covered your screen.

"Oh look who it is." You giggled and flashed your phone at Spencer before you answered. "Hey pen, what's up?"

"So I was calling to ask how the date went but then I realized that I had gotten the confirmation for your guys' reservation at six this morning and I thought it was weird but sei la vie you know?" You and Spencer smiled at her rambling "But then I looked at the website and these people are open at six in the freaking morning! So turns out I made your reservation for seven thirty am not seven thirty pm cause they're closed at five which is completely bonkers if you ask me." She took a second to finally breathe "so I am so sorry if your date got ruined. Ugh and you were the first good one we set him up with too but I'll fix it no worries my love."

"Pen I'm gonna say your hours too late on this call but your all good we found something else to do so no worries." You laughed and turned your screen so that Penelope could see Spencer sitting next to you.

"Oh look at that you guys are still out. I would like to end this call with a quick" she cleared her throat preparing for her next words "I win Spencer, I told you she was a good one! ha!" After those last words she hung up.

"oh my goodness I didn't even realize what time it was" you gasped when you looked at the time on your phone and saw that It was almost midnight. "I'm so sorry I kept you out this late."

"No really your okay. I'd be lying if I didn't already see the time a while ago, I just didn't want this to end so fast." He admitted and it made you heart absolutely melt.

"If I didn't have autumn waiting at home for me I would totally stay for longer but I really should get going." You sighed.

He nodded and took your guys' garbage to throw away before he opened the passenger door for you to hop in. After he got back into the car and put his seat belt on he felt the need to ask you about your previous marriage. Something intrigued him about the fact that you had gotten divorced for what he considered to be at a young age.

“So I know this is sort of first date taboo but um, why did you get divorced? You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to I was just kind of curious because I just feel like twenty eight is a young age to get divorced.”

“Oh no I really don’t mind talking about it.” You reassured him. “Me and Theo met in high school. Honestly it was one of those cliche high school sweethearts type of things. I was a cheerleader; he was the captain of the basketball team and our parents were friends so we just thought why not? It seemed right at the time but after I got pregnant with autumn everything changed so I filled for divorce before she was born.” “you know it’s actually proven that children who never experience their parents unhappy relationships actually live a much happier and healthier life than those who experience their parents divorce.” He tried to make you feel better about your failed marriage in his own special way.

“I hope that’s the case with Autumn” you sighed.

“I’m sure it will be. I know we haven’t known each other for very long but you seem like a really good mom.” He smiled as you pulled into your driveway. Neither of you were ready for the night to end but you knew it had to eventually.

“I’ll walk you to your door” he cleared his throat before exiting his car. He opened the door and you both silently walked to the front door but as you went to turn the knob Spencer stopped you. “I’m going to ask you a question and you can feel free to tell me no but it’s going to drive me crazy if I don’t ask. Can I kiss you?”

“yeah” you let out softly. He placed his hand on your cheek and slowly leaned down until your lips met. You moved your arms to rest on his shoulders while he moved his other hand to your waist. Something as simple as a kiss had never felt so perfect to you.

That was until Liv opened the door and cleared her throat in an incredibly overdramatic manner. “Hi I’m Olivia, Y/N’s roommate.” You and Spencer pulled away from each other, cheeks flushed and chests heaving.

“It’s nice to meet you, I’m Spencer” Olivia waited for a handshake that was never going to happen.

“He has a thing with germs”, “I have a thing with germs” you both stated at the exact same time.

“Anyway I should get inside now I had a fun night with you Spencer, feel free to text me anytime.” You smiled at each other with a silent understanding before he walked away.

you walked past liv to get inside. “So coming home after curfew young lady. Tsk. tsk. Did you get lucky?” She wiggled her eyebrows.

“no he was a perfect gentleman and we just got lost in conversation.” You beamed.

“I imagine it was hard to have a conversation with his tongue down your throat!”

“that was the only time we kissed tonight! I really like him liv something about this guy just feels so different. It feels like I was meant to meet him you know.” Liv let out a small laugh but you were completely serious. You knew Spencer Reid was about to change your life you just didn’t know how yet.

“oh my goodness and what was that germ thing about. I mean the man wouldn’t shake my hand but he would swap saliva with you?”

“you know it’s actually more cleanly to kiss than shake hands.”

liv just shook her head “you two really were made for each other. I’m going to bed now but I will be ready for brunch in the morning.” She said before she walked to her room. You threw yourself on your couch and you couldn’t help but kick your feet at just how happy you were and little did you know Spencer was just as giddy as he walked into his apartment.

-

A/N: sorry this took my so long to get this out I’m revamping my fics rn so hopefully I’ll be posting more soon! I hope you enjoyed this and heads up I have not proofread so I’m sorry for any mistakes you come across. I appreciate feedback and I hope y’all have a wonderful day and lmk if you would like to be added in the taglist💕

also if any of y’all are into the Harry Potter universe please feel free to check out my other fic im working on called: The Alchemy

Taglist: @witchsbitchestime @sonicthehedgedoggo @feyresqueen @donttrustlove @alcoholandcakes @person-005 @ilwsma @mega-kittyglitter-1 @creative-heart @chicken-fifi

[lavender-butterfly-cookie]

can you please do Burning Spice x Shy reader? You've probably done this before, if you have, can you do this version of him?

I don't know if you actually do requests or not, if you do it, it'll be greatly appreciated! :3

It's a good thing bro wasn't in the husband of the year thing, cuz he would've won with how many people love him but ok Butterfly. Same image cuz yes. I'm doing both versions by the way for the sake of I'm bored

Burning spice cookie X Shy reader V1

Why? Why- just why!? You just wanted to help Golden Cheese cookie transport the soulcheezes to the stupid vault. WHY THE HECK ARE YOU NOW IN BEAST-YEAST OF ALL PLACES?! You swear, if it wasn't for your shyness you'd have drop kicked that purple buffalo thing sooner! And if matters weren't already bad enough, guess what?~

YOU FLIPPING LOST GOLDEN CHEESE COOKE AND SMOKED CHEESE COOKIE ALONG THE WAY! You looked away for one second- JUST ONE SECOND!- And they were gone! Now you're stuck navigating your way around these blazing hot lands all on your own. FANTASTIC!

However, your annoyed mood crumbles almost immediately, being replaced by fear when you heard something in the sky. You turn around and look up, placing a hand over your eyebrows to cover your eyes from the sun. And you see... a meteorite?... during day? And why is it red and yellow and coming towards yo- oh wait a minute CRAP!

You quickly jump out of the way and it crashes down right where you were standing. You were hyperventilating as the realization hit you that you could've been crushed just 5 seconds ago. But it comes to a halt when you see someone emerge from the smoke. A rather large figure. When they revealed themselves you were frozen.

A red cookie with black messy hair and burning hot eyes stood before you, a giant axe held tightly in his grip. You prefer not to mention his golden teeth, ew. He let out a maniacal laugh that caused you to flinch back.

"Who dares enter my territory?!" The Cookie yelled, earning another flinch from you. You were frozen on the spot, and the size difference between you two was quite big. He looks down at you and chuckles at your small shaking form before walking closer. It registers in your mind too late that you should run and before you can move he picks you up by the back of your collar.

"You dare to enter my lands, little cookie?" he asks. By now you're too shy and scared to say anything. After being met with silence he brings you closer to get a better look at you, which managed to earn another squeak out of you. He seemed amused by this.

"You are one weak cookie aren't you?" He stated, obviously he wasn't actually asking. He shrugs his shoulders before hoisting you onto one, which caught you of guard.

"Do not worry, little cookie. When I'm done with you, you won't be so pitiful" he said as he started walking away. You should be protesting and trying to escape but... Part of you doesn't really want to. I mean, Golden cheese cookie and smoked cheese cookie were probably too occupied with that beast cookie, so you don't want to get in the way, right? it'll be fine!

Herald of Change X shy reader V2

You resided in a great kingdom filled with spice and zestiness, Despite how shy you were. You were the lover of the herald of change and his personality didn't match yours in the slightest. But hey, you still loved each other.

Not wishing to be a bother to anyone you stayed in your room a lot. I you're not there, you're with him. And if you're not with him and not in your room, well fuck. Now the spice tribe leaders have to go on a wild goose chase looking for you as if you didn't need the bathroom. You never got used to it all.

Now, the herald of change was a loving cookie, he really was. But as time went by you noticed how he himself was being consumed by a darker form of change. You were by his side more frequently despite your shyness so that you could at least try steering him in the right way but this was a change not even you could stop. The priests begged you to get him back to his senses but he wouldn't budge.

Because to him what's the point of living if you're bound to face the inevitable ending of death? Only destruction seemed to please him now. You found yourself growing to fear him, a lot more than you'd ever be brave enough to admit. And then all hell broke loose.

You woke up to the sounds of crashing and screaming and exited into the hall to see what was happening...

Only to find that there was no hall at all.

Everything was in ruins. Spice swarm members crumbling, buildings burning to ashes, the laughter of your own lover echoing above it all. You caught a glimpse of him.

That was not the cookie you loved.

That was not the herald of change yo once knew.

but it was.

You were at a loss. You couldn't go trying to negotiate now, he was too far gone! You can't fight him or you'll crumble on the spot!! You can't save anyone because YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO!!!

Tears welled up in your eyes and you took a step back. Then another, and another, and soon you just took off. You didn't look back, not even once. You were scared of the cookie you were supposed to share your life with. You chose to fled like a coward instead of trying harder to change the kingdoms fate, but now it was too late.

Your home was gone, your companions were gone... He was gone. And nothing's gonna change that

[adobe-outdesign]

Couod you review the shinies of the ghastly line please?

Gastly: This line has a major problem with barely-noticeable shinies, but Gastly isn't too bad in that respect, swapping the black body for a deep purple and the purple gas for blue. I don't think it's necessarily the most distinct shiny out there, but seeing as the bar's on the floor with this line, I will say it could be worse.

One thing I do wish they had done is saturate the blue more—it used to be like that in its sprites but got messed up in the 3D transition (a reoccurring theme for this line). It would make the difference a lot more noticeable, and the lighter blue has better contrast with the purple anyway. I also wouldn't have minded the body being blue as well, as it's supposed to just be condensed gas and should kind of match the gas color, but I digress.

Haunter: The blue tongue is a fun concept in theory, but just doing that and barely altering the body color ain't it.

The blue color change was a little more noticeable in the sprites where its hands were glowing as well, but even then I'd hesitate to say that was enough. If they had changed the body to something more noticeable (I would do either blue to match Gastly, or white to match Mega Gengar) and done the blue tongue, that would've been great. As-is, this is incredibly boring.

Gengar: Speaking of incredibly boring, Gengar's shiny is awful and everyone knows it, falling into the "wait this is shiny?" category of blandness.

Once again it's a victim of the 3D conversion; originally Gengar's default sprite was more violet, and the shiny was a highly desaturated purple. It wasn't amazing or anything, but it was at least somewhat noticeable.

The issue is that the official art of Gengar looked closer to the shiny, so they changed the 3D model to match—which is fine. But instead of making the shiny the violet color of the original, they just... barely changed it. Even if they didn't want to use the violet color, they could've just made it blue to match Gastly or done, you know, literally anything else with it.

Mega Gengar: Hey, we finally have a good one! Normally I like consistency in my shiny lines, but considering how awful Gengar's shiny was I'm pretty sure GameFreak was just trying to fix it here. And fix it they did; the white is a fantastic choice conceptually because it's a traditional ghost color, and it has high contrast with the original purple and works well with the pink accents. My only nitpick is that I would've liked the eyes to be yellow or blue or something, as the pupil gets lost a bit with the dark gray, but that's a minor thing in an otherwise great shiny.

Gigantamax Gengar: WHY. Why did they fix Gengar's shiny with the mega and then immediately make it worse again? Granted, it is much lighter than regular shiny Gengar at least, and they did make the eyes black with red pupils, which is a cool choice that really makes the design look that much more ominous... but it's still not nearly as good as the mega.

Overall: Shiny Gengar and Haunter are terrible and barely noticeable. G. Gengar is slightly more noticeable but still very underwhelming. Shiny Gastly is okay, and Shiny M. Gengar is fantastic. As a whole, the entire line being either blue or white would've been a major improvement.

[hollowed-theory-hall]

I think we're all deeply disappointed that we didn't get enough of Voldemort and his Horcrux parts in 7th book. the cup, diadem, and locket are no match for the diary. however, do you have headcanons, what would be the protection of the cup and diadem? I wonder is there a need to drink from a cup or wear a diadem for effect and what Voldemort could potentially be like if it would be successful... i think it needs to be explored more even in hcs

Honestly, I don't necessarily think the cup should've had better protections since it was the one given to Bellatrix to protect. So, I would've just improved on the Gringotts break-in instead of making up something entirely different. In the book, if they had broken in without Griphook and Harry just imperio-ed everyone they met, that break-in would've gone without a hitch. This seems silly to me considering how difficult Gringotts is supposed to be to break into. Like, if Impirio + Polyjuic allows you to steal whatever you want, its security is most definitely lacking.

It could've been actually fun and done very differently than the ministry break-in instead of being like, a worse version of the ministry break-in as it was in canon. Like, show some goblin magic, and have them sneak around to not be found more. Like, I would've liked it to be more of a heist than just: imperio + polyjuice. Like, it could be part of it, but, idk, I felt very underwhelmed reading about Gringotts defenses in the book. Even the curse inside the vault wasn't a fun obstacle because it was one where they just needed to suffer through it. There is no satisfying puzzle to solve or a clever way to get past it. And that's really what book 7 was missing in all its heists to get Horcruxes. The plans weren't all that clever and interesting. If they were, these scenes would be, like, 200% better without actually changing any big plot elements.

I also think the break-in to Gringotts could've been improved if they still didn't have the sword and didn't destroy the locket yet, so you had Tom Riddle whispering in Harry's ear constantly. And after he cast Imperio successfully Tom would've gotten so annoying about it and made Harry have more moral questions about it. Idk, it's a fun idea, but if they did already destroy the locket, then it makes sense they'll just destroy the cup instantly. If the defenses on the way there were more interesting and the locket had more moments to shine, I think it would've been fine if the cup didn't get too much of a chance to interact with the trio.

As for the diadem, like, the minimum he could've done is place a curse on it like on the Gaunt ring. Like, seriously, that thing was so under-protected. And, like, the curse could still kill Crabbe if we want. It'll make his death even more creepy and grotesque potentially. Or he can be possessed (I mean, I'm pretty sure Crabbe and Goyle are easy possession targets).

Like, imagine the scene in the room of requirement, but Crabbe or Goyle picks up the diadem first, and a curse starts spreading from his hand upward. He screams in pain, clutching the blackening limb that slowly starts to shrivel like a raisin. Harry, Co, and Draco are all horrified, they don't know what to do and then, picking up the diadem is a Tom Riddle, a Le diary, brought back by feeding on Crabbe/Goyle's death. And then they need to kill the diadem before Crabb/Goyle die so that they won't have two Voldemorts running around. It could've been an epic battle and given Draco a chance to destroy the diadem while the Horcrux focused on fighting the Golden Trio instead of Crabbe accidentally destroying a piece of Voldy's soul. Like, Draco wouldn't even be 100% sure what he's doing, but, like, Hermione dropped a basilisk fang and they were clearly trying to destroy it, so he just kinda goes for it.

And, I mean, we could've had it all with the locket, really. Like, we know the diary spoke to Ginny for months before it took form. Why didn't it feed on Harry and Co the same way? Like, let Tom in the locket try to talk them out of killing him, let him tell them why it's best he stays around. How he's more useful to them this way. Let them fight over who's wearing the locket, but deep down, Harry wants to wear the locket just as he liked flipping through the diary without knowing why — because soul recognizes soul. Have Tom actually talk to Harry, Ron, and Hermione and be his manipulative self to stew tension that feels less manufactured. (Because the tension with the hunger and locket depression felt a little off to me in the book. Like, it felt forced).

These are just some ideas where you won't actually have to change the plot and structure of the book too much.

As for how the Horcruxes feed and if they need to be properly used, like, I'm not sure. The locket seemed to only have an effect when worn, so I'd hazard a guess that physical contact at least is necessary. but I think, just holding the cup long enough would be enough and you don't need to actually drink from it. At least, in my headcanon/speculation of how Horcruxes work.

[miraculouslbcnreactions]

I wonder, do you think set up wise, things may have gone better if there was a kwami swap from the start? As sometimes I do think so.

Plagg I think could've been a solid foil to Marinette and could cover what she needs growth wise, as she can pile too much on her plate, over involve herself, and I really can't think of too many times that she really puts herself first it's usually others more than her and sometimes I feel she needs to self prioritize. So I think having the lazier and more self prioritizing Plagg to work off of could've been a benefit. It's also bonus that they'd be a hilarious lead duo.

On paper there's merits to Plagg and Adrien, who does need to rebel against his father and Cat works off his want for more independence, but it just never went anywhere. And sometimes I feel Adrien should've gotten a kwami that's more direct and involved with him. Tikki I could see pushing Adrien to make changes in his life if he's unsatisfied with it, talk with his father and try to work things out, initiate with others, help others not just stand by and leave others to do something. Additionally, I do feel Adrien was looking for someone to fill the void his mom left, and with Tikki having moments of being affectionate and supportive (though more s1), I could see her fitting into that spot.

I think it also makes more sense if they had been mixed up given that Marinette and Tikki are initiators while Adrien and Plagg are reactors.

I know at the core we just needed better writing and the canon matches could work just fine, it's just given who the characters are and what I see they need growth wise, I kinda wonder if kwami swap would've been better. Especially now knowing that Fu didn't complete his training, it is possible he didn't make the best choices.

Okay, so, before I get into this, I want to note that I have nothing against kwami swap AUs! Every time I come across one, I give it a read because I like seeing what people do with the concept. HOWEVER, I have noticed that none of them even try to deal with the elephant in the room*. Namely that Adrien would be a terrible ladybug.

The ladybug power is all about creative thinking. More specifically, it's about high-stakes, in-the-moment, quality creative thinking. That is canonically not Adrien's strong suit. It's Marinette's. So while Marinette could probably wield the black cat without issue, I just don't see Adrien working out long term unless you rewrite major aspects of his personality and I don't want to see that. I think Adrien is fine as-is and works perfectly as Marinette's foil.

I think you can get away with giving him creative thinking skills that work when he's got lots of time to think about a problem - I often give him those and make him read like a scientifically minded guy who needs data and analysis to further contrast Marinette's in-the-moment thinking style - but making him able to be the ladybug would make him not Adrien in more ways than one.

The second way is that ladybug is a leadership role. Ladybug is the one who gets the lucky charm and comes up with a solution that needs to be enacted NOW, so it requires a take-charge attitude and a willingness to boss people around. That is not Adrien. Adrien is a natural follower and that's a good thing. Teams require members who are willing to follow the leader. If Adrien was more of a leader who constantly questioned Ladybug's choices and tried to present his own ideas mid-battle, then their team wouldn't work. Similarly, if you made Adrien the ladybug, then you'd have to make Marinette a follower to balance leader!Adrien and those are just not the characters that we know and love.

It's far simpler to make a few minor tweaks to Plagg and Tikki because, while I love them, their roles aren't super well defined. You can make Plagg more willing to give advice and Tikki more willing to give support and guidance without feeling like you've gone against core aspects of their characters because they already do those things. They just don't do them super well.

You can also bring in other characters to shore up these two's weaknesses. Mentor characters are generally supposed to give occasional advice, but let their mentees do most of the work, so it makes sense to dial back Plagg and Tikki to occasional advice givers and dial up Alya and Nino to more active teammates and friends. At least, that's what makes sense to me. I want the kwamis to be important, but not more important than the friends.

*When I say that nobody deals with the Adrien-having-to-think-like-Marinette-for-this-to-work problem, I mean that I've yet to see a fic or comic that actually showed a traditional akuma fight. They all skip those. The most you may see is a Lady Blanc or a Gabriel takedown or stuff like that. And if that's all you're doing? Then switch away! Adrien's only a bad ladybug when the fight requires him to think like a ladybug as we saw in Reflekdoll.

[sunsetberry]

GAME DAY Kei Tsukishima x reader

CONTENT WARNING: kei lowk being emo for a split second, fluff! slight angst if you squint hard enough

WORD COUNT: 0.6k

Kei never really cared for practise matches against other teams, unless it was against Shiratorizawa. Never really being able to block Wakatoshi Ushijima's spikes. It just sparked something in him, the team had never seen him that determined to win a match.

Before meeting you no one could ever comfort him if they lost against Shiratorizawa, the only person who had a slight chance at cheering him up was Yamaguchi, he was always saying "I'm fine it doesn't even matter, just a stupid practise match." He never let it show, but it was obvious it hurt his ego.

When you guys became friends you knew just the right words to help calm him down. After you and him started dating you just became better and better at comforting him.

Today was no different at having to cheer him up, they had lost aganst Shiratorizawa, badly. As the practise match was at Karasuno you being the manger, had to stay behind and help Kiyoko clean up. Everyone decided to go home, seeing as you and Kiyoko shunned them away when offering to help. Although, Tsukki didn't leave, he sat on the bench waiting for you to be done.

As you clean up you can't stop your eyes drifting to Kei, feeling sorry for him. Kiyoko saw you stop and followed your eyes, landing on him, as it dawned on her.

"If you want, I can finish up by myself? I know you wanna go speak to him" She says while picking up a stray ball.

"You sure? There's still quite a bit to do," You respond, looking at the net that still needs to be taken down, and all the volleyballs laying around.

"Yes I'm sure, he really needs you right now Y/N."

"Alright then, i'll see you on Monday." You say as you smile at your bestfriend. You and her have been close since you started the manger position.

As you walk up to Kei he looks up at you and smiles slightly, only for a second though, before looking back at the ground.

"You ready to go? We can grab ice cream on the way home?" You say reaching out to grab your bag but he beats you to it, carrying not only your school bag, but his and his volleyball bag. He doesn't respond, just nodding.

"I dont mind taking my bag Kei, your carrying a lot," You mumble, trying to grab your bag as he holds it above your head so you can't.

The walk to the ice cream shop is silent, no words exchanged. Whenever he loses against that team, he doesn't say much, but it isn't like he says much in the first place.

As you get your ice cream you both sit on one of the outside tables, watching the sun set.

"Y'know," You start, "The only reason why you lost was because Hinata got tripped up by one of their players, if he hadn't, you guys would've won, by a lot. There was nothing you could've done to prevent it." You finish of, licking some of your ice cream.

Kei just nods, listening to your words and finally stops overthinking every block he did.

You both finish your ice creams and he walks you home, he usally just walks you to your gate and watches you walk in, but this time he walks you to your door.

"Well this is new," You giggle.

"Just as a little thank you." He finally speaks, as bored of a tone as ever, but you can tell what he really means. Just as your about to walk into your door he pulls you in and kisses you. As you pull away you smirk.

"The infamous Kei kissing me! Wow!" You jokingly fan yourself as he just scowls at you, biting back a smile.

"We still on for the cinema tomorrow?" He asks while looking at you.

"Of course! See you tomorrow," You blow a kiss at him as you walk in your house closing your door.

You don't see it, but Tsukki smiles, knowing he found the one.

AN: i couldnt sleep so i wrote this lmaooo. its not proof read or anything, mainly just a shit post, but nontheless, i hope you liked reading it!

[moogie8625]

All of my last reblogs have been Minecraft movie related so let's start over on why I'm so pissed.

The Minecraft movie didn't even get peoples hopes up for what it would be. We expected the worst and while it's not as bad as it could be it's still horrible. But, what exclusively is bothering me about it is that; one, it has a mix of realism instead of being consistent in design, to a point where the mobs look like low poly dolls given fuzz in blender-- and two, it could've and should be fully animated, even though I understand why it's not.

If you've seen any of the trailer at all then you know it's a hot mess. And you've probably also seen the numerous post about uncanny this, disproportionate that... But all of that is because of the inconsistency in their worldly designs. The mobs themself are fine enough, besides the fact they shouldn't have such fluidly expressions. Take the ugly little wolf guy for example, he shouldn't have lips, and also he's just not the shape of a minecraft wolf. The design of the dog versus the environment the mobs are put into, they don't match. Minecraft blocks don't vary in size and there should be at least some attempt to be in s c a l e if nothing else. There's been so many people who have mathematically calculated the size of blocks.

ALSO, before I forget, i saw someone else's post pointing out that some of the terrain was just real plants and flowers. If you're gonna animate it, then the no brainer move is to make everything match.

Again, so much of it is animated, the cast could be too. I understand why it isn't, but it's to the point where it almost would've been better to just have Steve be live action and have no other live actors, then to have a larger live action cast that doesn't make sense, as the whole plot (like the majority of recent game movies) is that they magically came to a new world, and now they want to leave.

[team5ds]

after toying with ages for the team catastrophe duel with the question of "how would i approach the same prompt with the outcome of 'aki temporarily loses her powers' and write in a way that feels more satisfying to watch", i found the answer.

aki's powers could've gone haywired under stress & fear of letting yusei duel against this guy with powers like hers. it matches with previous explaination that her powers are ruled by her emotions, and stress could've been a good reason for them to suddenly fizzle out when dueling an opponent that reminds her of herself as the black rose witch.

in my ideal world, team catastrophe would've been the point where aki grapples with her past. esp since we got that for jack, yusei, and crow in later duels in the same fuckin tournament. it feels like a natural place for aki to sit with the fear her powers had caused, the stress it put her opponents under, and the new drive to protect her friends. it would even be fine if she didn't beat the whole team too. it would've also been a great point to swap jack and aki as riders, with aki going first and losing to the second rider, which gives jack a chance to finish the duel and win on his own for once

this also allows for a chance for aki to be the one to decide that she needs a moment away from the tournament and swap back with crow on her terms, rather than the choice being actively taken away from her. it opens up her ruminating on the stadiums she'd destroyed, and the fact that she doesn't quite have the control she thought she did.

this also solves neatly the "why do aki's powers suddenly work perfectly" issue that comes up since aki's struggle with her powers gets solved entirely off screen. she could decide a break from the tournament while she works on her emotional control to better control her powers could be in order, especially now that she can't access them at all.

[thotsforvillainrights]

so happy to see asks are open!! May I please request dating headcannons with Overhaul and a quirkless reader being by his side at the shei hassaikai base. What do the other members think of her? Obviously they can’t talk or even be near her unless they wanna be meat on the floor. Poor girl just wants to make friends but her hubby makes it so hard 😔😔😔

(I would've thought I did a quirkless reader for him before but I'm admittedly too lazy to check my HIGHLY OUTDATED masterlist so fuck it. Let's do it anyway! Also, I hope it's fine I'm leaving the reader kinda open ended as usual so everyone can kinda insert themselves into this better. Thank you for the request and the chance at writing more Kai content!)

(sidenote: I really need to update that masterlist but every time I try it's nearly impossible. I let it get too far behind, send help ahhhhhhh)

~Kai's Quirkless Reader & the Hassaikai~

headcanon|scenario|imagine|match-up

-Quirkless? Not that much of a shocker he'd fall for you. The boss being in a relationship? THAT is the shocker everyone hasn't managed to let go of just yet. In fact, most of his inner circle thinks he's holding you hostage while the other half wonders how you could've ever fallen for someone as rough as Overhaul in the first place. Did he even know how to date someone? Overhaul doing gentleman shit? Overhaul possibly kissing you one day or holding hands? Overhaul being in the same vicinity as someone else for longer than a few hours? There was a slew of gossiping he couldn't really shut down (or intimidate out of the men) for a very long time. He was trying to at least get it out of control before bringing you around to meet everyone for the first time.

-He took the time you introduce you considering he would have some of the members of the Hassaikai be your personal bodyguards or escorts when he couldn't join you out. Aside from this, he didn't really want you interacting with anyone else than himself. You were headstrong (or stubborn as he'd put it) and wanted on your own to develop meaningful relationships with his main group. Where he saw workers, you saw his friends despite him never calling them that. You wanted to be as important to them as he was. None of the men really complained since you were a breath of fresh air compared to Kai. With the help of Pops preventing Kai from killing the guys, you were able to try and get to know each of them.

-Hojo thought of you as a little sibling almost, no matter what your age is. You could literally be older than him and he'd still try to treat you like a little sister/brother/sibling. It was odd, but you didn't seem to mind how careful he was or protective nonetheless. Setsuno was a lot more careful with you since he didn't want to end up like mince meat. Had you not pushed hard for him to come out of his shell, you never would've learned all the wonderful parts of his personality aside from being a legitimate gang member. Tabe was more or less clingy to your kindness. This is especially true if you end up trying to greet him with something to eat. He adores you now.

-Rappa was actually pretty taken with you from the moment he met you. Someone brave enough to go against Overjerk's rules and do what they wanted regardless of the outcome? Oh yeah, he thinks that's fucking awesome of you. Tengai is more careful about guarding your feelings and still doesn't greet you by your first name even to this day. He also spends a lot of time scolding Rappa when he's around you since he's worried the big lug will offend you somehow.

-Nemoto has been and always will be the absolute most respectful with you. He greets you with the utmost proper manners and tries to make sure you have everything you might ever need whenever he's on duty for you. You've been trying for a long time to break down his walls and get him to chill out more but I doubt that'll happen anytime soon. Deidoro fucking loves you and loves even more the fact that he can be as crazy around you as he wants to be...well, as long as Nemoto isn't there to stop him from having that fun. You don't mind it. The man is a hoot!

-Chrono has become somewhat of a close friend to you. He knows when to let his guard down and relax ever now and then. Don't get me wrong, he still respects Overhaul very much as both a friend and a leader! It's just that when he's out with you, he's not gonna say no to putting a dollar in a prize machine and trying to win an IPAD with you. If you could chose anyone to hang out with for a day, it usually ends up being Chrono. It makes sense that Kai has gotten jealous a time or two of you relationship together. Mimic on the other hand...he doesn't worry as much with you two being together. In fact, your first impression of Mimic was that someone must've been pulling a prank on you. There's no way this beanie baby can turn into a full grown man on command. Mimic thought you weren't real when he met you too either. "How much did the boss pay for you to pretend to be his partner?"

-Katsukame was...a lot upon first meeting. He let a few inappropriate comments slip and you nervously laughed it off until Kai came out and killed the guy in front of you. Since then, Katsukame learned his place around you. Oh and Pops? That old man adored you since the very first moment. How could he not? You're giving his misguided boy a chance to experience real love for the first time! To him, you were considered family from the very first day you took Kai's heart.

[lovewithkarma]

cAn I get platonic yandere Switzerland and Liechtenstein hcs

SHARING A DARLING!

Notes: Heh... Of course kitten😈 this isn't really hcs but 🔥🔥🔥. This probably has some good spelling in there. I read this req as sharing a darling and idk if you want it  separate or not so let's pretend you wanted it together  

Tw: yandere content, such as obsession , copying, overprotectiveness, vash with a gun on the last sentence-

My favorite duo, I could honestly see them sharing a darling. They already get along and live together; they could definitely share. Liechtenstein was probably the first to meet you, probably fascinated by you.

Maybe you were her teenage dream, someone so cool and beautiful. You were probably just a normal teenager, but something about you just drives her to you. She would want badly to befriend you and prove that she is worthy of being friends with you by copying you.

Not that she means it in a jealous or mean way, but she wants to prove to herself that she's worthy. You showing interest in a show or book would just be enough for her to watch or read it too!! Plus, it gives her an excuse to talk to you.

Basch would notice the change in her: her listening to different music, her watching this show more often, or her spending more time on her appearance. Or if you worked, she spent more time in this one shop.

He would think it was just a short thing, maybe a small phase, but when he realizes, he confronts her after he notices her odd behavior.

Elise wouldn't really know what to say; should she just tell him? She shouldn't hide secrets from her big brother, but this wasn't exactly normal, was it?

She told her brother she just wants to impress someone. Her brother lets out a sigh and tells her she shouldn't change herself for someone and blah blah.

Even though she does tone it down, she is still under your influence, so Basch decides to meet you. Finally, meeting you was pleasant; it could've been worse. Basch could see why she wants to impress you.

Basch's obsession with you is slower but still very much happens. Inviting you over more, asking you what you did for the weekend (if not stayed at his house). Just little stuff like that.

Basch knows he can't relate to you like Elise can, but that's fine. Sure, when you're having a sleepover, he can't go in because it's an all-girl sleepover, but he could send in Elise. She's a teenage girl; she could understand you.

She makes plushies and clothes to match yours, by the way. Like, for example, if you had a My Melody plushy, she would have a Kuromi plushy she made.

As the two obsessions both grow, they both notice each other's obsession. Elise would feel relieved that her brother feels the same way about her dear friend while Basch was feeling aware that his feelings are wrong and that you're a person, not an object of his.

But he just can't stop; he knows you are your own person, but he just can't help it and feels like he needs to protect you. You would've been so much better if you just let him.

They always invite you to their house, by the way. Most of the time, you are there enjoying the view they have in the backyard or any of their land. I mean, who wouldn't want to see the Swiss Alps?

It gets to a point where you're always with them, at their house. Always with them, at one of their sides.

Even if you guys don't live close or in the same country, they'll try to make time for you even if it's not face to face but a phone call.

I could see you being kidnapped if you did something to trigger Vash. Maybe finding another friendship and not spending as much time with him, and his paranoia starts to eat him alive, or you being put into a dangerous scenario.

Good luck then; he'll kidnap your ass, and don't think Liechtenstein would help you escape. She didn't really want this, but if it keeps you with her, she'll do it.

-

Extra, before if you were ever to get a partner, Switzerland would interrogate them with a gun with his hands.

[lover-of-mine]

i'm fine with the bt scene being what it was because it showed what is. a shallow superficial relationship that is not being written as endgame so I'm fine with them not having a more emotional connection make it more obvious its BONES in s8.

Okay, I'm gonna say this and I need everyone to know I genuinely mean it, I'm not fine with it. I am tired of the show giving Buck and Eddie love interests that exist to have no agency besides girlfriend/boyfriend or plot device for an exposition dump. I desperately wanted to care about bt. Buck being bi is such incredible representation and I spent the whole season waiting to be convinced I should like T and bt together for anything beyond the fact that they are a queer relationship but I keep coming up empty-handed. I like being a hater right now because no criticism of him is allowed without someone screaming that you're homophobic or hate gay people and that everyone in the show is problematic why doesn't he get a pass too so I am grabbing on to every wrong thing about him the same way people are blowing the good things to justify my aversion to him. But the thing is, T is a character who's being written in a way that is so hard to sympathize with when it comes to Buck. He has this shell that makes him rigid and he has this dry sense of humor and he could be interesting if he was willing to bend a little bit for Buck. That relationship was not something I could get behind when T left Buck on the curb, because while I do believe T was incredibly justified in not liking the situation Buck put them in, he could've communicated that better before he was literally in the car leaving Buck behind, so there Buck was once again in a relationship with someone who left him because they can't handle who he is. That was the impression I got from that first date and I keep waiting for them to be cute for me to move past it and the show is giving me nothing. Why did they make the choice to not let T dress up for the bachelor party and indulge Buck when the job by definition requires for him to change into a uniform so he could've put in some effort? Why did he let Buck walk around with his face covered in soot when they could've shown us a shot of him cleaning Buck's face before they walked into the room holding hands and give the impression that there's more going on there than a few makeout sessions? Why weren't they affectionate at the ceremony? Why wasn't that conversation in the hospital, where it would've shown a level of care and that joke could've been seen as an attempt to make Buck feel better about what was going on? Why are they always two steps to the left of being cute or having any fighting chance? And that's ignoring how intertwined Eddie is with the beginning of their relationship because that's just disturbing. The triangle thing is annoying as fuck if Eddie was not gonna get confirmed as queer and the sides wouldn't actually connect.

I think narratively Buck and Eddie getting together is the thing that makes the most sense for both of their characters, but if that's not gonna happen, I wanna care about the people they're with. I love Buck as a character, I want him to have a nice love story if for whatever reason we are not getting buddie because love is the thing he's been searching for, and whatever bt has going is not it. And the thing that's killing me is that it could be. It's the same thing they did with Taylor because if Taylor was as intense about Buck as she is about the job, they could work, but the show made a choice to use the development of her character to stir away from Buck. And T, he's just there. And it's frustrating. I don't even wanna get into the comparisons between buddie and bt because imma be honest I'm still processing the way the show had T refusing to dress on theme and then had Eddie suggest matching outfits in the next scene, what even was that?? But the way the show constantly takes the chances they have to give depth to their relationship, looks it in the eye, and runs the other direction it's just........... yk? This is Buck's fifth relationship and I can't for the life of me look at it and see where it's going because they are making it seem like it's going nowhere. T parallels Taylor all the time visually, when it comes to screentime he's just a step above Ali, he's nowhere near as developed as Taylor was at this point. I had hopes for that scene when they started to talk about parents, for 20 seconds, I believed they were gonna give emotional depth to them, but they didn't. And I was literally sitting here begging them to give me something to care about when it comes to them if they are gonna keep them together but I have nothing to show for it and I hate it. There's no emotional connection, they will probably breakup at some point during s8 and I'm just gonna be there "oh wow another failed romance what a surprise" while they keep playing up Buck and Eddie's partnership and not letting them go all the way, and it's just tiring.

And this is ignoring the way we keep getting yelled at for not resonating with them. I sincerely don't want to hate them but I can't find a reason to care about them.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for ghosting my ex for the third time?

My ex and I have a long and complicated history. We've had an on and off relationship for about 4 years, switching between being friends, dating, then not talking. They've done things that make me very, very uncomfortable around them enough that I can barely stand them even following me on social media without being extremely anxious all the time.

In late 2022, we had a huge argument and told them that for my sake and theirs, we shouldn't talk anymore. They let me go, and things were fine until December of that year. I got a new girlfriend and things were moving on, and I had made a playlist on Spotify in an attempt to try and move on and process things. It sounds weird, but music always helped me with this. A few nights after doing this, I was looking at my at the time girlfriend's Spotify profile to see what she was listening to, and I saw that my ex started following her on Spotify. Against my better judgement, I checked their profile, and they had a playlist basically responding to mine. I got extremely uncomfortable, and scared because I knew that if they asked to be let back into my life, I wouldn't be able to say no.

I asked my girlfriend to block them, and she did, and I thought that was the end.

Around March the next year, I started to feel really guilty. I was considering trying to talk to them again, despite what had happened. I ultimately decided against it; but in late April/early May, they started following me on Spotify. Then as the summer went on, they did so on Pinterest, then Instagram.

I probably would've been okay with this, even if it was making me mildly uncomfortable. But they did something weird- they changed their username to match mine on all of their profiles. I was so confused, and weirded out. It got to the point where I remembered that this anxiety and uncomfortableness was the reason I left in the first place, and that I shouldn't have to live like that just so that they could be happy.

I blocked them everywhere without explanation, and I tried to move on.

I still feel a little guilty because I could've very easily just explained to them how I felt, but I don't think it would've really solved anything. I would've still let them back into my life, and things would've gotten worse because I'd silently just take all of the anxiety and discomfort I feel around them.

Am I the asshole?

What are these acronyms?

[deke-rivers-1957]

Clambake Review

This is often considered to be the worst Elvis film ever made. Even Elvis himself allegedly hated making the film. However, it's most likely because of the fact that Elvis suffered from that infamous concussion just before filming started. A lot of fans who watched this film say that you can see Elvis is ailing. Does his acting suffer because of it or just fan projection? Let's find out.

We immediately start off with the titular song "Clambake". For a movie that takes place in Miami, you wouldn't associate the city with clambake. Or oil rigs. But we don't live in this movie's reality because both of those things exist in Miami apparently. While it is true that Native Americans in Florida developed a technique referred to as a "clambake", a traditional clambake is predominantly held on the Northern East coast. They could've just as easily reused New Orleans if they wanted to include both of those elements.

This is easily one of the worst outfits Elvis ever worn. Scott would never wear this. Based on his character he'd want to be as far away from it as possible. It makes more sense for Tom Wilson to buy this when they switch identities. I know he has to wear something at the beginning to show that he's rich, but I would've used a different outfit.

Charlie Hodge cameos at the barber and gets a line. Imagine my surprise to see that we have an actual character arc that's setup. We understand who Scott is and why he's here in Miami. He's the son of an oil tycoon and wants to make a name for himself. He had a fiancee but he left her when it was clear she only cared for his money. We now have a clear reason to support his identity swap.

I don't hate this Prince and the Pauper type of plot, I just don't like how it's executed. Heyward Oil is everywhere somehow and yet no one recognizes Scott just by the face alone? Sure he's not the head of the company but they recognize his name so they had to have seen him at least once. Maybe I'm missing something, but I think this would've been better if Tom Wilson was played by an actor that looked more like Elvis. Impossible I know, but if Elvis had body doubles in movies, I think it could've been done.

"Who Needs Money" is a terrible duet. Elvis' vocals of course are fine but Tom Wilson's dubbed in vocals just doesn't work. The film doesn't grind to a halt because of this duet, but it's still not a rememberable song. I get that we needed a duet to show that Scott and Tom are both doing this for their own personal gain, but Tom Wilson needed different vocals for this song to be just average. It's also made abundantly clear that Elvis isn't in Miami to film this with the overuse of rear screen projections.

When we get to the hotel, the scene where Jamison is talking with the women is so bizarre. Some of the women's dialogue sounded either effected (meaning they purposely put on a type of voice that suggests bad acting or bad direction) or were dubbed in. It just didn't sound like they were recorded the same way Jamison's voice was recorded. The water-skiing scene also has so much dead air that we're watching Elvis' and Shelly's doubles ski at a far angle shot with no audio outside of the boat's motor. It lasted too long and could've been redone as it just wasn't engaging.

Given that Elvis wasn't actually in Florida, at least this scene has a real background. The lighting naturally matches the time of day it's supposed to be in and they all look like they belong there. I really like Elvis' outfit though as you can at least justify long sleeve shirts with "it's night time so it's going to be cooler".

"A House That Has Everything" is fine. It allows for Scott to seemingly bond with Dianne over being poor. As much as I love Scott's part of this relationship, I just don't understand why he's in love with Dianne. She basically admits to being a gold digger, which Scott wanted to get away from. I understand the point of the movie is that she falls in love with Scott for who he is, but Scott being interested after she admits to being the one thing he wanted to avoid just doesn't make sense to me.

I do appreciate that the movie wants us to dislike Jamison by making him act like a pig for ignoring Dianne's pleas to go away. I also appreciate that this movie didn't go down the path of most Elvis films and have Scott try to fight him ultimately getting him in trouble. Instead we get shown that Scott disapproves of Jamison's actions, but also acknowledges that Dianne's a grown woman who can take care of herself.

For once we have a mid 60s Elvis film that has him have the emotional maturity to know when to pick his battles. I also admit that as much as I don't like his romantic interests in Dianne, I really enjoy seeing him wanting to respect her choices and help her. He's willing to just be a companion and doesn't let any negative feelings for Jamison interfere. A cliched love triangle would've had Scott try to sabotage Jamison to make him look bad in front of Dianne, or Scott try to convince Dianne that Jamison is no good only for her to ignore him. He doesn't do any of that and instead just let's the chips fall where they lie.

This song was easily the worst scene in the entire film. "Confidence" is embarrassingly over 5 minutes long. The editing is just bizarre with a shot that is completely upside down and a clip of the US Calvary. It's so long that there was a stretch of time that Scott isn't even singing. We're just following him and Tom Wilson play with children. Even Red West, cameoing as the ice cream gets involved in playing with the kids for literally no reason. I kid you not, it was so bad that my besties who saw the film with me all had a mini breakdown at how awful and long it was.

I can see why fans say you can see Elvis is struggling in this film. Watching this scene is like watching a man mentally regress to a child's age right before your eyes. What makes it worse is that this scene has absolutely no impact on the plot. Him singing with the kids doesn't make Dianne see Scott in a new light the way, nor do any of the kids help Scott with his boat in anyway. Outside of a throwaway line about having confidence, nothing from this scene was ever mentioned again. This scene's only purpose is to provide filler to pad out the run time.

A ride up of over 2 inches or so should never happen with clothes. That's a sign of how cheap this film was. They couldn't even bother to give Elvis a turtleneck sweater that properly fits. This whole scene is just cringy mid 60s beach party aesthetics. "Clambake" as a song is bad in that I literally couldn't understand a single word of the beginning.

The dancing in this scene isn't good and the colors in the scene hurt my eyes. The only reason why I say this song is better than "Confidence" is that there's an actual reason for this song to exist. Despite being geographically inaccurate, a clambake event was mentioned earlier in the film. Scott would want to be there because he knows Dianne would be there and just in general wanted to have fun.

I like this montage of Scott developing the goop. The whole concept of Scott wanting to make his own product is brilliant. He wants to prove that his idea can work even if his dad didn't. It adds another dimension to his character without having to include his dad. He's a genuinely intelligent man who isn't depicted as a pathetic dork or an absolute kill joy.

This gives us a rare showing of Elvis playing a character that doesn't just rizz up girls, or fights people. He also isn't a bumbling, misfortunate character that is passive to the events around him. Here, Scott's actively choosing to do this. He's making the best use of his privilege and education to not only help out a struggling boat owner, but also create a product that shows that he's more than just his dad's money.

This dynamic only makes me think that Scott is too good for Dianne. He isn't just being a decent human being and therefore deserves to be with her by default. He's actively helping a woman he barely knows get with another man by giving her advice. The fact that she's still interested in Jamison after he refused to respect her boundaries indicates that she literally only cares about his money. I know that's the point of her character arc, but watching this only makes me think that Scott deserved better.

"You Don't Know Me" only solidifies that opinion. The entire song is literally Scott lamenting that Dianne doesn't know who he is. While part of it is on him for purposely hiding his true identity, Dianne basically uses him as a tool to get Jamison to notice her. She doesn't really take the time to get to know Scott on even a friendly basis. That one night on the beach just isn't enough to say that she knows enough about Scott to even be his friend. You really feel bad for Scott because he's in a one-sided relationship with someone who doesn't seem interested in him outside of what he could do for her.

It's little moments like this that make me appreciate Scott as a character. He's so dedicated to making this product work that he works through the night and falls asleep at his work station. He isn't even doing it to impress Dianne either. He's had this idea before he even met her. He genuinely wants to help Mr. Burton and prove that his product can work.

"Hey, Hey, Hey" is a terrible song. It's similar to "Clambake" in that it has bad dancing and similar to "Confidence" in that it just comes completely out of nowhere. It also just doesn't work with Scott's character. He's only shown interest in Dianne so even though he's not committed to her, it doesn't make sense for him to give every woman a kiss. I get that it's meant to be a montage of Scott getting help to finish the boat, but the song just feels unnecessary. Each woman's reaction to his kiss is obviously dubbed in as the actress' reaction doesn't match the noise she makes. You could just as easily convey that in a way that's similar to when Scott recreated his goop.

I was absolutely shocked at how good this dynamic was. Mr. Heyward had a big beef with Scott for leaving the way he did. He was so upset that Scott took stuff from his company without asking him, that he had to be confronted. At first you think this is the cliche dad that just doesn't get his son wanting to be his own man or even bothered to know what Scott liked. Scott's relationship with Mr. Burton made me think that this was the case. However, Mr. Heyward ultimately isn't that cliche.

Mr. Heyward knows his son more than anyone else. When he found out that Tom Wilson was acting like a party animal who smoke and drank, he immediately knew that this wasn't Scott. For a time period where it was more common for a man to smoke and or drink, Mr. Heyward outright being confused to hear that "Scott" did this shows he knows his son. He really does care about Scott, but is just upset at the way Scott chose to handle his feelings. When given the chance to confront him about it, Mr. Heyward said his part and let Scott have his say too. Even though he still didn't fully believe in Scott's product, he still wanted to let Scott try. Ultimately a very well written tension that didn't give you the idea that these two outright hated each other.

This part of the movie has the most amount of tension. There's a proper build up of the audience and Scott realizing that Jamison wasn't a good person worth Dianne's affection. Watching Jamison put the moves on her when she said no, is the nail in the coffin for the audience. For Scott, since he didn't see the same things we do, he wouldn't get upset at Jamison for that reason. He knew Jamison wasn't the best person when he forced Dianne to go out with him in exchange for her missing bra. He didn't interfere because he knew that he would've gotten in trouble because Jamison was rich and he was working as an employee.

Here he had the emotional maturity to not put up a stink when Dianne was with Jamison. He didn't even fight him after she left the room. It wasn't until Jamison essentially threatened him first, that Scott had enough and punched him. As soon as Jamison went down, he left. He had the emotional maturity to know that he put Jamison in his place. Nothing else needed to be done as there was no reason to keep punching him. Punching an unconscious man is no longer self defense and is just meaningless violence. Scott understanding that in spite of his own feelings is a refreshing thing to see in a character.

"The Girl I Never Loved" is the best song in the movie. Scott's lament that he'll never be able to tell Dianne how he feels is so sad. He's so adamant about not wanting to interfere in her relationship with Jamison, that he's willing to make himself suffer. He accepts that she doesn't have feelings for him, but he also still lets himself feel hurt about it. That being said, Dianne giving up her scheme and wanting to just go home feels a little forced. Like she doesn't even want to stay because Scott was a good friend. She just wants to go because Jamison ended up not working out.

I just feel bad that Scott went through all this work only for Dianne to not seem that enthused. Mr. Heyward only wants the best for his son so if the goop works, he couldn't be any happier and supportive. Tom Wilson and his girlfriend are genuinely excited to be at the race watching him. They really want Scott to win because they know he worked so hard on the boat. Dianne just doesn't look all that emotional for him and I wonder what would've happened if Scott ended up losing. Mr. Heyward and Tom Wilson I feel would've still supported Scott. They know how hard he worked on it even if it didn't pan out as he thought. I just can't say the same for Dianne. I'm not sure if it was an acting issue or a writing issue, but I just don't feel the same passion she has for Scott that he does for her.

This hurts me. When I think about the low production value of this movie, I think of this. First off no license would ever have a picture like that. If it has a picture it was to be front on not at this weird angle. Also his name's spelled wrong! If you look at the signs for his father's company it's spelled Heyward. The worst mistake though is that Elvis has blue eyes! Why do you mark Scott as having brown eyes when he clearly doesn't have them? This whole scene summarizes the lack of effort put into making this look like Miami. Florida doesn't have any mountains and if anything, Miami is actually prone to flooding and sinkholes because of the low altitude.

Regardless, I actually like how this film ended. The whole point of Scott switching identities in theory was to find someone who loved him for his personality and not just his money. Was doing that right at a stop light the best time to do that? No but in general for a mid 60s Elvis film, we didn't get a stereotypical final number to close out the film. It could've been executed better but we actually get the plot point of Dianne not knowing who Scott is wrapped up. I still don't think Dianne and Scott will work out. They don't know anything about each other and Scott kisses her once after he asks her to marry him. I'm happy for Scott that he got what he wanted, but I honestly think he still deserved better regarding his love interest. It really shows just how much of a real person this character was that you would feel something like that.

This movie is so baffling. On one hand yeah, I totally agree with fans that say this is the worst one. The complete lack of attention to geographical detail and the most blatant case of run time padding make this absolutely frustrating to watch. On the other hand Scott surprisingly has one of the most complete character arcs I've seen where every choice he's made has made sense to his character. His ballads and emotional maturity were quite refreshing to see. He actually makes me care enough to say "you deserve to find someone who loves you. Dianne isn't good enough for you king".

That being said, I give this film a 5/10. There's just too many issues to say that this is a good film. However, I truly think if this script was redone and a different creative team made this movie, it might be one of Elvis' best ones. In fact, as long as you skip "Confidence" and are someone who can forgive production errors easily, I would actually recommend watching this Elvis fan or not. Scott's character arc has enough good elements to make it worth watching.

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AN: Thank you @georgefairbrother for requesting this film. Also shout out to @arrolyn1114 and @xanatenshi for watching this film with me. Your input was much appreciated. I currently don't have anything planned on what to review next. If anyone wants to request an Elvis film feel free to send it in.

Tagging: @lynettethemadscientist, @motht-eeth, @ash-omalley, @spooky-hazex, @oh-my-front-door, @father-of-2cats, @stormie-ryan23, @yksuwyksud, @tacozebra051, @alienelvisobsession, @vintageoldsoul, @ohmygiddd, @lovininapinkcadillac, @stephthestallion, @mistyspresley, @bisexualwvtson, @karel-in-wonderland, @moonchild-daniella, @musiclover712, @worldofyns, @sillybookmarks, @g00d2balive, @leighpc, @generoustreemystic, @peskybedtime, @thetaoofzoe, @renegadewarrior, @vintagepresley, @tupelomiss, @myradiaz, @pinkcaddyconfessions, @kiankiwi, @presley72elvis, @delulubutidontcare, @elvispresleywife, @ilivebecauseiamforced, @jaqueline19997, @richardslady121, @if-i-can-dream-of-elvis and @lookingforrainbows.

[adobe-outdesign]

Have you reviewed the staraptor line?

Starly is, unsurprisingly, based off of a starling. If you're like me and are wondering why it's not black and iridescent, it's because it's based off the white-cheeked starling rather than the American starling:

To its credit though, Starly isn't too literal of a starling—you can see the resemblance, but the little feather flip at the back of the head and the specific patterning aren't an identical match to the actual bird. It's still fairly plain, but it at least has a somewhat original design.

Visually, I like the silly eyes and the neutral colors look fine. I'm not big on the spot on the chest as it doesn't quite match anything else in the design, but otherwise its fine albeit bland.

Staravia is one of those middle evos that's a direct transition of the other two stages with nothing unique going it, other than maybe a slightly even sillier expression and a bigger feather flip. You honestly could've dropped this stage entirely and not lost anything.

My suggestion would've been that, because Staraptor gains red accents, you could work some red into a different part of this design—maybe on the tail feathers or something. It's not like it would've made a huge difference, but it at least would've given it something original.

There are a lot of songbirds in Pokemon that evolve into birds of prey, and Staraptor is one of them. To its credit, I do find it to be more memorable than either of the previous stages—mostly because it has that absolutely ridiculous ahoge/pompadour thing going on. Silly and kind of edgy? Sure. But it is the one thing that really sticks out in this line, and the most memorable part of it.

Visually, I do like most of what's going on here. The head area is particularly appealing, with some swishy V shapes around the eyes that all lead into a single point and then flow down into a scalloped breast pattern. I do think the tail could've used some white to balance things—maybe V shapes after the dark brown parts—but it's a pretty good-looking bird.

However, I do think the pompadour throws things a bit, as it flows forward when everything else on the head flows back (not helped by the official art, which doesn't have it lined up correctly with the back feathers—in reality, they're attached, as shown in its back sprite).

It probably would be objectively better without it, but once again, it's the most memorable part of this line. I think a simple fix would've been to have it going backwards instead, which would keep the flow better. Most other things with the design I like, it's just this one element that throws me.

Overall, the first stage is cute but bland and the second is completely pointless, but the third is pretty decent as far as early route birds go.